Ike Barinholtz Returns Again

Ike Barinholtz (The Studio, Running Point, The Mindy Project) is a comedian, actor, and writer. Ike returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss how the Declaration of Independence was really the result of one big goon fest, presenting like a dumbass while he’s actually a smartypants, and being one of one in the category of people Dax doesn’t mind being wrong to. Ike and Dax talk about why their leading man potential has only grown as they’ve reached middle age, lung chugging laughing gas while receiving PRP treatments, and the age criteria for a dickoplasty. Ike explains that Kate Hudson insisted his father kiss her on the lips while filming Running Point, what it was like to act for hours in one-take scenes with Martin Scorsese for The Studio, and relishes the honor of being a member of the Three Episode Club. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Leslie Stahl.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My goodness.

• 0:07Dax Shepard?

  And for our third time as the charm, favorite guest by far, Ike Barinholtz is here. He's an actor, he's a comedian, he's a show creator, he's a writer.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  He does it all.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  The Mindy Project, Blockers, Mad TV, The Hunt, Neighbors, and he's-

• 0:23Speaker 01

  He's a Jeopardy guy.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  Jeopardy champion.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Champion, thank you.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  Champion. And he is a creator of Running Point.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, and a show on Netflix.

• 0:35Dax Shepard?

  Season two, congrats.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:37Dax Shepard?

  And he's acting in this most impossibly great show that I'm so excited for everyone to watch called The Studio with Seth Rogen, and he is on fire in the show, Ike Barinholtz.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  And I guess we should say, I don't feel bad spoiling this.

• 0:56Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  But Thursday we-

• 0:58Dax Shepard?

  Wednesday.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I can't, I can't do that.

• 1:02Dax Shepard?

  You're so spoiled.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Wednesday, we have Seth on.

• 1:05Dax Shepard?

  Seth Rogen.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Yes, to talk-

• 1:07Dax Shepard?

  In the capacity of an expert.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10Dax Shepard?

  Because the technical aspect of this show is so impressive and deserved a deep dive.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16Dax Shepard?

  And it got real nitty gritty, deep dive-y.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Yes, so this is-

• 1:21Dax Shepard?

  And you made the call.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Studio week.

• 1:23Dax Shepard?

  This is Studio Week. Welcome to Studio Week.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy Ike Barinholtz. We get support from Quince.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 1:50Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater's starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 2:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited, and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 2:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here. And it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:51Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Medium Fries and a Drink is now $8.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  What?

• 3:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I need to talk about something that doesn't get enough respect. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is not a casual burger. This is a crafted burger. We're talking 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order it. No artificial flavors, no fillers, no preservatives, just beef doing what beef is supposed to do. And here's a detail I love. There's a cowbell sound in the kitchen. When somebody orders a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a cowbell goes off and the grill master throws a fresh patty down. That's like having your own entrance music at McDonald's. I want a cowbell for everything in life. The onions are hand-topped by someone who just knows the right amount. Two slices of cheese laid out in a star pattern, so every single bite gets cheese. And two pickles, side by side, so you're never in a pickle desert.

• 4:07Dax Shepard?

  Every bite is accounted for. Someone engineered this thing with love. I love a Quarter Pounder.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Me too. That's my order. It's a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. I love it. I didn't know they put so much effort that they did a star formation. I should have known because you can taste it when there's effort.

• 4:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the love. Don't tell anyone this, but I'll put two of them back.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not surprised.

• 4:31Dax Shepard?

  The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only, only at McDonald's. For a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  What's up, man? You're so fucking strong.

• 5:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, thanks for noticing.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  You're really strong.

• 5:11Dax Shepard?

  I'm just out of the shower, too. I want to smell so fresh for you.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  That is so hot.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  I also knew you were tall, but you seem extra tall today.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  I am.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Did you grow? Okay.

• 5:21Dax Shepard?

  I got some elevator shoes.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Cool. You know what I liked when we had James Marsden on? He said he wore lifts. It was very nonchalant, but he threw it in there, and I liked that.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Very confident. Yeah, we put a couple actors in lifts for Running Point. Chad Hanks is playing an NBA player. You gotta throw him in lifts, man. He had more swag when he had the lifts on. He just had sudden confidence out of nowhere.

• 5:42Dax Shepard?

  There's a saying, right? 10 feet tall in something? I feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  I never heard that. Is that a Dax Shepard original? Did you just call yourself?

• 5:51Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna tell you afterwards, because it's so proprietary and novel. I don't want anyone to steal it. But truly, you know, I was five minutes late. I was showering. That was great. I was on pace to make it in time. And I started thinking of an idea for us. And it was so...

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Twin?

• 6:06Dax Shepard?

  You know when a real idea hits you and you're like, oh, and then it's immediately writing itself incredibly fast?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  You can't stop thinking about it.

• 6:12Dax Shepard?

  I went into like a moment of flow.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  And you were nude, which I really appreciate.

• 6:16Dax Shepard?

  I was stroking myself.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  That's where the best ideas come from.

• 6:20Dax Shepard?

  That's just a tick I have when I think.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  That's how the Declaration of Independence was written. It was a group of men masturbating.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  That Continental Congress floor, that place is like a porn theater.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  A goon fest. One big goon sesh over there.

• 6:31Dax Shepard?

  A goon fest. Wait, tell us what gooning is? I just thought you meant a bunch of creeps.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Oh, no, gooning is very advanced jacking off.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Ooh, can you explain?

• 6:40Speaker 02

  It's like when young men who are kind of aimless will literally jack off all day until they are in almost trance-like state.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 6:50Dax Shepard?

  So it's a spiritual pressure?

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's not something I do. I've tried. I just can't do it.

• 6:55Dax Shepard?

  Your refractory period's like two days, isn't it?

• 6:58Speaker 02

  My wife was so annoyed. She's like, it's her daughter's birthday. I'm like, hold on.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  I'm working on something.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  I first heard about this and then I became obsessed with the notion. And it's not edging. Edging is like getting to a point and then being like,

• 7:12Speaker 02

  time to push up.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. This is more like, I'm gonna go and then I'm just gonna keep going until I'm just like, uh.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 7:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I mean, this is a game for the youthful because truly, even if you for a kabillion dollars, you had to beat a record, how many times you think you could actually do it in a day?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Fifty. No, no, no, no, in all seriousness.

• 7:32Dax Shepard?

  I know it's more than me, but I can't imagine.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Ten.

• 7:35Dax Shepard?

  Ten.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  After ten, you're so exhausted and disgusted with yourself.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Feeling like you're just a piece of trash.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Well, how long does it take? How long does it take to rebound? Yeah.

• 7:47Dax Shepard?

  That's what I think would become my issue in this hypothetical.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Like thirty minutes or like five minutes?

• 7:53Dax Shepard?

  Can we call it Bezos's Bucks?

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Bezos's Bucks.

• 7:56Dax Shepard?

  Bezos's Beat Off Bucks Challenge?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Honey, I'm hosting a new show.

• 8:01Dax Shepard?

  That was my idea.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  We're calling it Triple B.

• 8:03Dax Shepard?

  Well, that was the idea.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  It's shower, yeah.

• 8:06Dax Shepard?

  Bezos Beat Off Bucks.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  How do I combine this?

• 8:09Dax Shepard?

  Everyone else is so tired of it, but can I tell you my favorite joke I think I've ever come up with?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:14Dax Shepard?

  Did you see that Forbes just recently announced the richest man in Mexico?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:19Dax Shepard?

  Jeff Peisos?

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 8:24Dax Shepard?

  It's so stupid.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  It's good though.

• 8:26Dax Shepard?

  Jeff Peisos. Don't do that. It's good.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  No, it's like watching somebody open somebody's present. You said, this is the best joke I've ever come up with, and then we have to watch a reaction.

• 8:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm not even worried though, because what happens when you hear the joke is you go, oh, this is racist.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Right. That is where your mind goes. You're like, oh shit.

• 8:44Dax Shepard?

  That's why it's a nice joke because it relieves the tension of thinking you're gonna have to fake laugh at a racist joke.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Then you realize you're racist for thinking it might be racist in the first place.

• 8:53Dax Shepard?

  Right. Then you're almost feeling guilty. And then the relief of, oh, it's worked.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 8:59Dax Shepard?

  That's a good joke when it traps you.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:01Dax Shepard?

  Creates moral conflict.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  What you don't want is someone to guess the answer like, well, who do you call the richest man in Mexico? And they're like, oh, I don't know, uh, burrito late. Like, you know what I mean? You're like, no, no, no. Let me just get the joke out.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  God almighty.

• 9:16Dax Shepard?

  Sure. I didn't even model out that.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  You just gotta make sure you're not telling this joke to anyone you think might be racist.

• 9:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Boy, I didn't even think that that could happen.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, let me guess. No, no, no.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Let me whip through this. It'll take literally five seconds.

• 9:30Dax Shepard?

  Probably some people I would ask would know. It's like the telecommunications guy, right?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, Carlos Slim. And you're like, okay.

• 9:38Dax Shepard?

  All right, I'll talk to you later.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Bye. But I am on the cover of Forbes this month, which is what I'm here to.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  I could see that happening. You're very busy.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Very busy and very busy in the financial world. A lot of deals being made.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  I sure hope so.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Just closed a big deal on the way over here.

• 9:51Dax Shepard?

  Lot of venture capital stuff.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Lot of VC.

• 9:54Dax Shepard?

  VC. Yeah, yeah. You and your boys.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  That's what we call it because we're so busy making deals. We don't have time to.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't have to.

• 9:58Dax Shepard?

  ROI.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  What'd you say?

• 10:00Dax Shepard?

  ROI.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I love.

• 10:02Dax Shepard?

  Time is money.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Time is money. I've been saying that for years and I love ROI and I know what it is and I love it. And it's a big part of my portfolio.

• 10:08Dax Shepard?

  Do you know what EBITDA is?

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. I know what EBITDA is. Jesus, Monica, what's going on? Yeah, I know what EBITDA is. Anyways, what else is going on?

• 10:19Dax Shepard?

  Do you find though that you get hit with these terms and I don't even know. It's probably 50/50 ego, but 50% yes. I don't want to acknowledge I don't know it.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  I hate saying I don't know.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Really?

• 10:28Speaker 02

  There's a real freedom in it, but I really try to be a smarty pants.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  I'm surprised by that a little bit.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  I present like a dumbass, but in reality I'm self-conscious of that. So I want to be like, I know what that is.

• 10:38Dax Shepard?

  Same thing. I read as a dumbass. It's a chip on my shoulder. I'm kind of secretly smart and then I can't possibly expose myself as being ignorant on anything.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  And then when I do, I talk my way out of it and say like, no, actually I'm still right. And people are like, okay.

• 10:53Dax Shepard?

  Right. Or I don't know this because no one would know this and to know it would be stupid.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a lot of times with our kids, my wife will explain something. I recently learned about kind of how rain works.

• 11:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I just thought it fell from the sky and then it makes sense that some of the water is evaporating and coming down.

• 11:09Dax Shepard?

  Finds it way back down.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  And so I said, it comes from the sky. My wife goes, well, it also comes from bodies of water and stuff. And I was like, yeah, well, both are right. And it's just like, who cares?

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Okay, she just shut up and be like, oh, I didn't know that.

• 11:21Dax Shepard?

  How old are your daughters?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Thirty-three.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Thirty-one and thirty.

• 11:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Do you know that's too fast for them to grow? Because I held one when she was a baby.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  You did? You came over and picked her up?

• 11:32Dax Shepard?

  Six years ago.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  We've been giving them some steroids and stuff.

• 11:35Dax Shepard?

  Progeria?

• 11:36Speaker 02

  That's when you're really big.

• 11:37Dax Shepard?

  No, that's acromagoly. Progeria is, I think, you're aging really quickly.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Reverse Benjamin Button.

• 11:43Dax Shepard?

  Or straight Benjamin Button?

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Well, Benjamin Button is you're born old and then you're getting younger.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's going opposite.

• 11:48Dax Shepard?

  Well, you're right. By the way, I don't mind being wrong to you.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  That's a really nice compliment.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  I think you're one of one in that category.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Well, it's like we've done a thousand of these and you never want some. Same as you, eight and eleven, then we have a six-year-old.

• 12:00Dax Shepard?

  Eight, eleven, and six.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Soon to be twelve.

• 12:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, now, this is repugnant to admit out loud, but I assume you'll join me. Don't you love when they ask these questions of how things work or anything historic? And you're like, oh, my God, I have value in the situation.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  As wonderful as that is, it is the opposite when the eleven and now even the eight-year-old is like, hey, can you help me do a very simple math problem? And I'm like, I cannot. I literally cannot do it. Like, I could sit here with you and try to pretend, but that's a huge bummer. But when it's history or social studies, government, any of that stuff, I am so excited to talk about it and really like to show up.

• 12:33Dax Shepard?

  You want to be valuable to them?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yes. You get older, you're increasingly less and less valuable.

• 12:37Dax Shepard?

  Now, this is going to come later, but it would be crazy to not address it now. There's so many things that I'm impressed with you for. But this Jeopardy thing has me, like, insecure and envious in a way that's just so genuine. If people don't know, you won Celebrity Jeopardy.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  I did.

• 12:55Dax Shepard?

  And before we even go on from there, there was a moment in Celebrity Jeopardy. Do you know how wild your true daily double was? Like, do you recognize the stakes of that?

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Before I went on Jeopardy, randomly, a friend of a friend had won a couple of episodes of Jeopardy. And he said to me, my best piece of advice to you is if it's early on especially, go big on those daily doubles. The odds are you're going to know the answer and just don't be afraid. It was against my nature, but I went all in on a couple of them.

• 13:22Dax Shepard?

  He had sixteen thousand, seven hundred dollars. And he made it a true daily double. He risked all sixteen thousand, seven hundred dollars.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  This was again, this was in the final with Patton.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  How many episodes is it?

• 13:31Speaker 02

  I won the first one and then I went to the Next round won that and then the finals was me versus Patton and Will.

• 13:37Dax Shepard?

  Right, so three games in a row. And then you know how daily double works, right? You can wager anything up to your. I know you don't. And if you don't know, it'd be stupid to know.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Maybe some people don't know who are listening, so you should maybe explain.

• 13:48Dax Shepard?

  So when you get a daily double, do you know what I mean? Daily double. And then you say how much you want to wager of your actual money. So you could say a hundred dollars. So I looked it up. I was like, I wonder if I set a record for the biggest daily double ever.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  No, it couldn't be.

• 14:03Dax Shepard?

  Not fucking far off. Someone had a $25,600 daily double.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  That's pretty good. That was what definitely won me that game. I tell my friends who are going on it, I'm like, go all in. I told the great Max Greenfield, I was like, you gotta go all in. And afterwards, he's like, I didn't.

• 14:17Dax Shepard?

  He didn't do it.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Held back a little too much. It is scary because the thought of losing everything is very real.

• 14:22Dax Shepard?

  How many daily doubles are in the game?

• 14:24Speaker 02

  In the first round of Jeopardy, there's one. In double Jeopardy, there's two. But in celebrity Jeopardy, there's three rounds. They're all daily doubles. Everything's daily doubles. And I think I got at least two or three of them in that. Early on, if it's like a category that you know, and it's one of the earlier questions, like a $300 question, you're probably gonna know it. If it was astrophysics for 500, I would probably not do it.

• 14:46Dax Shepard?

  Math problem is what I was thinking. Or osmosis.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  The whole category, osmosis. I wouldn't even know. One of the answers would probably be egg. Egg, what is egg?

• 14:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. But anyways, I watched the clip of you doing that today, and I hadn't seen it prior to this. I was listening to that question with so much anxiety.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Do you remember it?

• 15:05Dax Shepard?

  Well, I know the answer. It was Harriet Tubman. It was about the Underground Railroad.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  Right, God bless Celebrity Jeopardy.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Where they're just like, listen, celebrities, we have special brains. We're creative, we're goons, we love to goon. As a celeb, you have to reserve the red carpet and gooning.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  That's just part of the deal.

• 15:25Dax Shepard?

  It's gonna be 30, 40% of the brain capacity.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  That's most of the goon.

• 15:27Dax Shepard?

  Relegated to that.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  It's like an automotopia.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  It's really bad.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  How it is.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  You're having a real visceral reaction to it. Monica, you're right to.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  You shouldn't kink shame, but you can kink shame gooners.

• 15:38Dax Shepard?

  Wait, can I ask a perverted question?

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:40Dax Shepard?

  Do you have any interest in, and it'd have to be someone you were very attracted to.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:45Dax Shepard?

  If you had the opportunity to watch a live stream of them gooning, would you watch?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Jude Law. Is gonna goon. He's gonna have a live.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  He's ready to blow up his career.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  He's had enough of acting movies.

• 16:00Dax Shepard?

  He's done all there was to do.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  I would watch for a little and see if I wanted to keep going. I can't say now that I would stick for the whole day.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  The whole day? You wouldn't last more. Listen, as a man who has masturbated throughout his life, I can assure you that even someone you're really into, after a few minutes, you're like, okay, shame on you.

• 16:25Dax Shepard?

  There's people who need help in the world.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  You're wasting your life. I'm wasting my life. Peace out.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know what's sad?

• 16:32Dax Shepard?

  Tell me.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  But I'll be honest, you're right. If I was watching a live stream, that's probably a no go. But if I thought it was about me.

• 16:43Dax Shepard?

  Well, he would be holding a photo of you in this scenario.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  He wouldn't be looking right at her.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  He's a real pervert.

• 16:52Dax Shepard?

  A tasteful bathing suit shot of Monica or her eyes.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  I like to look at photos of women I'm in the room with and masturbate for 12 hours. I'm an insane person, by the way.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Somebody has that.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  I think this is an old Patton Oswalt joke, but it was something like, no matter what your kink or your fetish is, and you think it is so dark and weird and wrong, there is a online magazine dedicated to it. There is a guy sitting around a table saying, this is the worst issue of wiffle ball fuckers we've ever made.

• 17:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so as you point out, Celebrity Jeopardy, it's just not at the same level as regular Jeopardy, nor should it be.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  They want to have celebrities having fun. It's for charity. So the questions are, I would say, 30% easier than your typical kind of Jeopardy question.

• 17:37Dax Shepard?

  Right. And we want to hear from everyone, too. So we got to open it up. It's not like we want to invite Julia Louise-Drivas and then we don't hear from her.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:43Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  It's a waste.

• 17:44Dax Shepard?

  I don't know why I use her as an example, because she's a very smart.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Would probably do very well. Would actually be very good. If you're listening to this, Julia, sign up for Celebrity Jeopardy.

• 17:52Dax Shepard?

  Now, what's incredible, timing wise, is he wins the celebrity tournament right as they change the rules, and that allows him to enter the real. Tournament of Champions, like Mount Olympus.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Which I've watched every Tournament of Champions. I get starstruck when I see these people and stuff, so I was

• 18:11Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Very honored.

• 18:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so what went through your mind?

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Michael Davies produces a show, great guy. I was like, hey, we want you to be in this Tournament of Champions. And I was so flattered, but also instantly acknowledged the fact that there was going to be zero chance that I would not come in last place. And I just kind of designated myself as the mascot. Literally showing up that day, I remember saying to myself, just have fun. That's the best you're gonna get out of this. And I would love to not end up in the negative. I was confident that that wouldn't happen.

• 18:38Dax Shepard?

  He enters the quarterfinals is where it starts. And one of the contestants, Ray Lalonde.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Ray Lalonde. He won 13 games in a row. Oh my god.

• 18:47Dax Shepard?

  And I bit him over and fucked him.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  I did.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Bad, and I am married. And I'm in a happy marriage. And he's a nice older man, and I shouldn't have done that. But I beat him.

• 18:58Dax Shepard?

  Ike won, and also the other contestant was no slouch.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  She's amazing too. It was crazy. I had a couple moments in the game where I got a little lucky. I had a daily double again that helped me out. I remember what one of them was. It was numerical film titles.

• 19:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  And so it was like 800 bucks, and it was a daily double, and I was like, all in. Was the answer seven? No, it was. Thirteen. This Fellini film.

• 19:21Dax Shepard?

  Eight and a half.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Eight and a half. So I knew it. I had enough juice to kind of be competitive into the.

• 19:25Dax Shepard?

  You had a big stack now playing poker.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Got the confidence, you got the chips.

• 19:28Dax Shepard?

  You got the swagger, you got the looks, you got the height.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Got my lifts on. Going to Final Jeopardy, I was like, okay, maybe this could happen. And then the category for Final Jeopardy, it was Roman poets.

• 19:39Dax Shepard?

  And you felt good about that?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  No, I felt fucking terrible. I was like, it's over. Instantly, I was like, okay, I know two Roman poets.

• 19:45Dax Shepard?

  Which are they? What if you go, I know one?

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Well, at first I was like, I know one, Virgil, but then I was like, then there's Ovid. Oh my god, you're good. Ovid, like, I was sure, like, what made me think of Ovid?

• 19:59Dax Shepard?

  I wish you'd developed a list when you got really smart, because you almost, you go, Ovid, like, you almost.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  The thing about Ovid is.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  I knew that he was active around 100 CE. And just turned into a different person.

• 20:12Dax Shepard?

  You definitely see your Hellenic studies side of your brain and then this is a whole new, you have a lisp.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  I remember he was exiled. So you've seen Eyes Wide Shut. Remember the scene when they go to Sydney Pollack's huge, beautiful Christmas party and they get separated? That really cheesy guy walks up to Nicole Kidman, takes her champagne and she's like, I believe that's mine. And he's like, my darling, I'm absolutely certain of it. And he at one point goes to her and is like, are you familiar with Ovid and the Art of Love?

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  So for a second, like poet, love, Ovid came into my head. And then I read the answer and I was like, I'm gonna go with Ovid. So I wrote that down. And so then it went down the line and Ray got it right.

• 20:50Dax Shepard?

  Of course Ray got it right.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  It went to me and Ken Jennings, who I'm obsessed with. It was like, in Hollywood, do they sit around and talk about Ovid? And my answer came up and goes, oh, they do. And I remember, and I'll never forget, hearing the crowd go.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Wow, this is so exciting.

• 21:05Dax Shepard?

  You seem like the biggest genius on earth.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  It was crazy.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  They didn't know you were like, I know two, I'm going with one of the two.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:11Dax Shepard?

  They were like, wow, he read that and he's like, fuck, that's Ovid all day.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  That's some Ovid shit.

• 21:14Dax Shepard?

  That's my man Ovid.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Bitch, please. Give me a hard one next time, Ken. But Melissa still hadn't gone yet because she was in first place. And so she wrote, who was Juvenal, who's another poet.

• 21:26Dax Shepard?

  That's a rapper too.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  At that one second duration, the audience realized I'd won. And then there was another like, oh.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  What a life high.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  The craziest thing ever. The real win was going to the semis. I had to go back to the next day. I was playing against another two incredible players, Ben Chan and I'm blanking on the other guy's name, but he was incredible. And that's the one that's keeping me up at night still. Were you close? 50 50 guess and I got it right, I'm winning. No, you were ahead in money again? Oh yeah, I was surging. I was, I don't know if I was ahead, but I would have won. Can you go back? I will one day for sure. Okay. Jeopardy is a huge part of me. I love that show. It's incredible. But it was crazy. The final category was something like Greek history. So it was another like antiquity classical thing where I was like, okay. And then this one was this Greek writer wrote this phrase about whom?

• 22:19Speaker 02

  And it was like, our enemies, blah, blah, blah. So in my mind, I was like, okay, enemies of the ancient Greeks, the only ones I'm coming up with are Persians and Spartans. I'm just gonna go with Spartans and it was Persians.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Good God.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  So had I just gone the other way on that one, I would have gone to the finals. So I will literally sometimes just be like, why didn't I just go the other way?

• 22:36Dax Shepard?

  I am so proud of you.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 22:38Dax Shepard?

  This is such an accomplishment.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  This is something.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  It's a very fun thing. I love trivia.

• 22:43Dax Shepard?

  And you know, he didn't go to college. That's what's fun is he's come up together in this crazy knowledge.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  You're Good Will Hunting?

• 22:48Speaker 02

  No, I didn't go to college. One day I had like a job, kind of like a custodial job.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  And there was a problem like on a chalkboard and I saw it and I just kind of knew it. So I wrote it down.

• 22:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  And a guy who worked there kind of in an administrative position saw it and that kind of got the ball rolling. But I wouldn't say it's a Good Will Hunting thing.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Okay. Do you practice, you know, people can get good at crosswords by understanding how crosswords work?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Is that how Jeopardy is where you could learn tricks kind of or not really?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Well, it's really, it's. There are little tricks when you go on Jeopardy. A big thing is the buzzer. Guy always thought at home watching it that the buzzer is just something you just want to ring as fast as possible. You want to ring as fast as possible, but you don't want to ring once. You want to go Nintendo controller zone.

• 23:28Dax Shepard?

  Really?

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Because if anyone rings early, the minute Ken stops asking the question, it coincides with these little lights around the board that kind of go off. And once those lights go off is when he stops talking and that is when your system is unlocked.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  If you ring it early, a quarter of a second, you are locked out.

• 23:45Dax Shepard?

  Locked out for how long?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  You're locked out for a quarter of a second. So it's that fast, but that's enough time for someone else to get in there. But you want to keep doing it in case no one else rings in. So that was a big thing that I had to learn.

• 23:56Dax Shepard?

  I really appreciate that rule that they have because when we are at home, Kristen and I are competing, watching Jeopardy, a rule in the house, because I'm dyslexic, is you can't read ahead and then answer out loud. I need to hear what Ken's asking.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  I'm like Kristen where I for years just answer right away, which is so rude. These people would be annoyed. It's because my parents did that because they were rude when they would watch it. So I've since changed that, by the way. I remember the last time I saw your wife, we were doing Jimmy Kimmel together and they were like, hey, will you do a bit, like a pre-taped bit? It was called Celebrity Hide and Seek or something like that, or Celebrity Lost and Found. I can't remember. And they were like, we're going to have a person off the street go into like a Hollywood Boulevard gift shop. And they're gonna be looking for you, but you'll be hidden as part of the atmosphere.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Camouflage.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Camouflage, right? So we go in.

• 24:47Dax Shepard?

  Was it like a souvenir shop?

• 24:48Speaker 02

  A souvenir shop. There's, you know, half mannequins, the upper torso of a mannequin, and it was wearing a T-shirt that says Hollywood, USA. And then a hat that says like, the stars. And there's three of them. One of them, they removed and I went under the table and was posed like a mannequin with my hat and my hoodie on. And so I cannot move at all. Kristen's in another part of it. She's kind of buried. So they find this young woman off Holly Boulevard and Cousin Sal is like, here's who you're gonna be looking for in the store. And he holds up a picture of Chris. She's like, oh my God. She's like, my favorite. I can't believe this.

• 25:19Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna pee when I see her.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  This is so crazy. And again, she's 20 feet away. I can hear her in my earpiece and I am like right here and I can't move. And then Sal's like, great. And then you're gonna try to find Ike Barinholtz. And she's like, I don't know who that is. And I was just like, perfect. And I can hear Kimmel laughing in my earpiece because he's in the studio and I can't move. Just coated in indignity. So then she found me and like right away I was like, how do you not know who I am? I'm gonna send you blockers on iTunes. Jesus.

• 25:48Dax Shepard?

  To continue the parallel. Now imagine that's my life. I'm married to her. You had one mix up in a souvenir shop one day and you really remember it.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Thousands of hours at airports.

• 25:59Dax Shepard?

  And I go to a hotel and the guy calls me Mr. Bell, you know?

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:04Dax Shepard?

  That's a good one. As bad as I feel for you.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I get it.

• 26:07Dax Shepard?

  Try that being your all day existence.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  This is my identity.

• 26:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you listen to podcasts? I'm like the Kristen Bell of podcasts.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  So you got your butt in there. What are you listening to? Can I give you a good suggestion? Because guess who doesn't have a fucking podcast from Kristen Bell? Uh, yeah, Kristen Bell. I don't remember her interviewing Jeff Bridges. So whatever.

• 26:24Dax Shepard?

  So you tell me.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Anyways, yeah, we need more towels. Thanks.

• 26:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. It's obviously not that bad, but there is regularly a situation where someone comes up and they want a picture. And I really don't know. Do they want me in the photo or not? That is an hourly occurrence when we're like in airport or York. I certainly don't want to presume they want also me in the photo. So half the time I'm out and they'll go like, oh, no, no, you too. But that's only half.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Right, they feel bad. Let's get one with your husband.

• 26:51Dax Shepard?

  You stand, there's like trying to figure out a crop. Get a nice gap between you and Kristen.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Last year, or maybe the year before that, we went to England for the holidays and on Christmas Day in London, they put in their roast and then you go outside. You go to the pub and you hang around and even though it's cold, the streets are really packed with people. Oh, nice. Very meat cutie. It's very Richard Curtis. Ah. So, we're there with my wife and a lot of her families, there were like 20 of us and we're in this beautiful village green in Richmond.

• 27:18Dax Shepard?

  Hold on, I gotta ask a very rude question. Are you flipping the bill for all this or do they have their own money?

• 27:22Speaker 02

  My family?

• 27:23Dax Shepard?

  20 people, her family.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  I make my kids pay for their dinners.

• 27:25Dax Shepard?

  No, no, her family.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  No, no, no, they take care of themselves.

• 27:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you didn't have 20.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  This isn't like a Muhammad Ali situation where I'm like, this is my cousins.

• 27:32Dax Shepard?

  20 family members.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  I got a round of drinks.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Good for you. Yeah, we're all there and it's beautiful and we had gone to Paris before that and it was the first time that I just had really noticed that people were kind of coming up to me and I always wonder, oh, what movie had come out on Canal Plus? So anyways, Christmas Day, London, we're at this pub and this woman walks up to me and she's got that big smile on her face and she's holding her phone and you know that look when you're like excited? And I'm like, hi, and she goes, hi, I go, picture? She goes, please. And I grab her like, what's your name? And she's like, oh, Sandra. And I'm like, hi Sandra, I'm doing the selfie thing and I'm like, here we go, how's it going, Merry Christmas by the way. She's like, thank you. And I go, let's do kind of a fun one.

• 28:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you really give a platinum package?

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, because it was Christmas.

• 28:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  You know, it was a day to give back, so I give it to her and she's like, thank you, so would you mind taking a photo of me and my sisters? My wife has watched the entire exchange and she's laughing the hardest she's ever fucking laughed in her whole life.

• 28:26Dax Shepard?

  Thank God.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  She's laughing harder than any movie or TV show I've ever been in. She runs over to her siblings and she's like, you're not gonna believe what just happened. She's pointing and...

• 28:36Dax Shepard?

  My loser husband.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, then like the rest of the holiday, the young nephews and cousins would be like, do you remember when that woman, you thought she knew who you were? And I was like, yeah, I do, I remember that. That really happened yesterday.

• 28:48Dax Shepard?

  You felt the full weight of the tall poppy syndrome. They fucking hacked you for the next five days.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  They got my ass.

• 28:54Dax Shepard?

  I have a very memorable one, just like that was in Miami with a friend and these two attractive girls came up. It's important because it makes it that much worse. And they said, can we get a picture? They hand me the camera, I hand it to my friend Scotty and then I grab them, I put my arms around both of them and get myself in the center and they're both of me like, oh my God, what? And I was like, oh, fuck.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 29:16Dax Shepard?

  It just was really.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 29:19Dax Shepard?

  And then the only thing worse than that is to then try to explain to them you're famous and you're used to this.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought you were a fan and I groped all my fans. I'm really sorry ladies. Anyways.

• 29:30Dax Shepard?

  I'm known for being handsy.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Do you listen to podcasts?

• 29:34Speaker 01

  No, that's what happened.

• 29:34Dax Shepard?

  This was 17 years ago.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  I'm real.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Don't worry, I'm not gonna come back. I'm gonna Kristin Bell. Implicate her.

• 29:40Dax Shepard?

  50% of the time, people do want me in the photo.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Can you imagine though, if you were not a celebrity and someone came up and asked, will you take a picture? And they got in the picture with you? That's what's happening in their brains.

• 29:52Dax Shepard?

  It's scary.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Wild, yeah. This guy's either like a psychopath or he's drunk.

• 29:55Dax Shepard?

  I was eight years older than these women and they were much hotter than me.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  I don't believe that.

• 30:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, by a long shot.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Maybe they're used to that, to being like, oh, I gotta.

• 30:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, maybe. They were in Miami. I can't imagine it was the first time someone put their arm on their shoulder.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you're in Miami. What do you want?

• 30:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  You're asking.

• 30:14Dax Shepard?

  Equivalent of it was your fault because you dressed like, you went to Miami.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Your honor, she was in Miami.

• 30:20Dax Shepard?

  What do you want me to say?

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Okay, you're still going to jail for life.

• 30:23Dax Shepard?

  In Miami? In fucking Florida? You and I were too big to not be a leading man, but we are not good looking enough to be the leading man.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Very true.

• 30:33Dax Shepard?

  You can't make us the sidekick because the leading man's sidekick can't be towering over him and be bigger. I feel like we're both in the same weird nether zone.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've played number one a couple times in my life. First of all, it's a lot of work. A lot of work. You're there all the time, aren't you?

• 30:49Dax Shepard?

  It's not a crack up to me.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  No, it's a crack up to me.

• 30:50Dax Shepard?

  Early in my career, the thought of being cast as a leading man was just crazy. They were like,

• 30:56Speaker 02

  oh, are you insane? Look at his teeth. You know what I mean?

• 30:59Dax Shepard?

  You smell them? Wait, no, they can't smell on camera.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  This guy constantly shits his pants, which I've worked on. If there's any casting director out there, I'm not doing that anymore.

• 31:08Dax Shepard?

  This guy's a shit pig.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  This tall Jewish shit pig or Timothy Chalamet. Oh, it's a tough one. Let me think about that one. I would find myself as kind of like a second guy. I love playing that part because you can be so reactive and tune it up. You get a lot of the comedy, but I would describe us as weirdos a little bit. Cause there were guys who were our height, like Jeff Stoltz, super hot guy, the guy. Timothy Olyphant. Timothy Olyphant, the guy who Tim always says looks like him. Josh Duhamel. Josh Duhamel. Timothy Olyphant told me he had Josh Duhamel pose with his family for a Christmas card. And so.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  They get confused for one another? Yeah, he told me that. Back in the day. Okay, yeah.

• 31:50Dax Shepard?

  I want to add too, I actually don't think that would be the case if I entered acting now. I'm much more attractive as a middle aged man than I was as a 20 year old.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  I was not a dish. I was disgusting. I was like a loser.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  I don't believe any of this.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Some men, it gets a little bit easier. You don't look as bad as you get older.

• 32:09Dax Shepard?

  Exactly. And relative to your peers, you start looking better. You taking at all any care of yourself?

• 32:14Speaker 02

  All you gotta do is wait it out.

• 32:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Everyone's gonna get old and ugly and you're gonna still stay the same.

• 32:19Dax Shepard?

  This hair was thin in my twenties, but it ain't bad in my fifties.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Hello, no plugs, just a little bit of, uh, what do they call it? No, I do the, uh, PRP.

• 32:32Dax Shepard?

  There you go.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Have you done that PRP?

• 32:34Dax Shepard?

  I haven't.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  I went the first time and it hurt so much, you know? It's just kind of waking stuff up. And then I went back and just remember it hurt so bad. And the nurse was like, I forgot, do you like the laughing gas? And I was like, that's a fucking option.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Yes. So now when I go, you suck on it and you're like, did you guys watch White Luminous?

• 32:52Dax Shepard?

  You hear the popping, but you can't feel it.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Mike White, geez.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 33:07Dax Shepard?

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• 33:48Dax Shepard?

  If something tricky comes up, you've got direct access to certified HR experts who actually know what they're talking about. And they're ranked number one on G2's highest satisfaction products list for 2026 and trusted by over 500,000 small businesses. That's not nothing. Try Gusto today at gusto.com/dax and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll at gusto.com/dax. Again, that's gusto.com/dax. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran.

• 34:30Dax Shepard?

  Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had major thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo. With an insulin or sulfonyluria may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only

• 35:27Speaker 04

  in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 35:43Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts, the stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 36:25Speaker 01

  They never are.

• 36:26Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. They are so soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate. Be cozy.

• 37:07Dax Shepard?

  It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone, too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 37:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic, too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this and look super cute.

• 37:36Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 38:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, when you're on gas, do you inhale the fuck out of it and then get too high and then have to start breathing through your mouth?

• 38:17Speaker 02

  I do the equivalent of lung chugging, where I'm just like, give me the good stuff, baby. So nice. It's the only time you can do it legally.

• 38:25Dax Shepard?

  And with medical supervision, it's like you're free to get as high as possible. And there's a staff there to bring you back.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  But I'm such a loser that I hope my wife doesn't hear this. We have like this whipped cream, this like nice whipped cream that's in a can that we put on the waffles. It's like Ready Whip, but it's fancier. It's French.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Whenever it's the end of the can and we're cleaning the kitchen, I always just kind of duck my head out.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  You got a nice three second buzz.

• 38:48Dax Shepard?

  Sure. By the time you got it in the trash can, it's worn off.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Gone, then you're kind of angry. Ah, goddammit.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Do you drink?

• 38:55Dax Shepard?

  He's one of these guys I'm so jealous of. He has like the perfect relationship with all of it.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Really?

• 38:59Dax Shepard?

  He can party when it's called for.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  As you get older, you definitely want to do it less. Also, they're just coming out with articles now that are like, like back in the eighties, they were like, doctors say you should have two martinis a day.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  And now they're like, all alcohol is poison, which is very depressing because I do love on like a Friday evening to make a nice cocktail. I'm cooking dinner. I'm on Manhattan Negroni, one of those. I love that. But as you get older, hangovers, even if you have sometimes just two drinks, you wake up the next You're like, I feel like shit, so it's not worth.

• 39:28Dax Shepard?

  But he can take the right amount of weed as needed.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  The little mushroom squares that people take.

• 39:33Dax Shepard?

  Sure, easy peasy for you.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:35Dax Shepard?

  Will he ever blow lines anymore?

• 39:36Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 39:37Dax Shepard?

  That kills people now.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, for real.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Anything that has a probability of killing you, that's embarrassing. You can't do it once you have kids. If a forty eight year old man dies of a cocaine overdose at a bathroom at a friend's birthday party, that is mortifying.

• 39:50Dax Shepard?

  And it's not even just three children, three daughters.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Three daughters. Not to be that guy, but it's like, I have daughters and I don't want them to know that I died on the floor of a bathroom. It's also been so long. As you get older too, you start to settle down. Cocaine is not a good drug for parents. But now the fun thing with drugs are they're so much more organized now, they're predictable. There's people that are making them that you don't think they made it out of like their sock in a bathtub.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's packaged.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  It's packaged nicely. Like we went to go see The Dead and Co. at the Sphere. Yeah, we were doing the studio. And it was Seth and everyone, so there was a lot of fun things. They have acid that is in a little, like a binaka spray.

• 40:31Dax Shepard?

  No way.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  And it's not like back in the day when you take a little piece of acid and for like fourteen hours, you're like gone into a dark place. This is more like, oh, this just makes me dance more.

• 40:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I took a little bit and then at the end of the night, at one point I just grabbed it and I was going, and then I hear John Mayer go, "Thank you, Vegas. We love you. Good night." I'm walking to that casino like, like a Hunter S. Thompson.

• 40:53Dax Shepard?

  Anyone have ether?

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Is anybody lauding them around? Out of all the things I've seen and done drug wise, nothing messes people up more than eating weed.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Seth just said that.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  If you eat too much weed, you think you are going to die. I, one time when I lived in Amsterdam, man, I took Pop Brownie, had no idea what the dosage was, and we decided to drive to the airport.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Because there was a Burger King there that was open.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  And my friends, we pulled up to like arrivals.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  I go, I need to wait in the car. I can't go in. And they're like, okay. And then right as they walk away, I was like, I'm gonna get murdered in the car. So I locked the doors and then passed out. So they came back and for like an hour was banging on the door. You have like real panic attacks and stuff, so don't eat too much wheat.

• 41:40Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if I told you this in 2018, your first interview, but the highest I've ever been where I was losing huge chunks of time was me and my three friends in Amsterdam. Space cake and it was poppy seed loaf.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:52Dax Shepard?

  And it was just straight delicious and we were hungry and we ate one and then I was like, we'll have another. And they're like, you shouldn't have another. And I'm like, we'll be fine. They're so delicious. I was just eating for the taste.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the worst.

• 42:04Dax Shepard?

  And we got into this insane cycle. We made it back to our hostel and we were all sitting on bar stools and I noticed all of a sudden I had been staring at the bartender. And I go like, oh, why are my jaws so thick? And I turn and I look and all three of my friends are also staring at the bartender with the same look on their face. Three morons. We have four idiots from Detroit. I go, oh my God, guys, look at your faces. And everyone goes, well, you were doing that too. I just looked forward to same look on my face, same staring, look over, they're doing it again. And we were just in this insane cycle that was madness.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  That's where he came up with his character from Idiocracy, which I just rewatched. It ages like a Bordeaux.

• 42:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's getting better.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Better and funnier. And I totally forgot the beginning, the scientist is turning into a pimp, kind of.

• 42:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's obsessed with upgrade.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  You always forget that, but it's seeping into my top 10. It is the greatest movie. It's so goddamn funny.

• 42:58Dax Shepard?

  I don't think I've watched it since I first watched it, but the thing that I loved most from the script and while we were shooting is my favorite stuff was all the ads. If you don't smoke Carlton's, fuck you.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  Fuck you.

• 43:09Dax Shepard?

  Or that fudruckers had become bloodfuckers and that they're showing the passage of time of how they iterated it to bloodfuckers.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  David Herman was killing me in this one. The movie's amazing and you should rewatch it. Treat yourself. Watch it with your kids. Do your kids watch any of the stuff you do?

• 43:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we showed them Hit and Run the other day.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:25Dax Shepard?

  Because it's such a neat period of time for Chris and I. We made this movie for a million dollars. It's about being in love. They've seen us and stuff together. I'm the asshole and when in Rome annoying her. I kinda wanted them to see something.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Romantic.

• 43:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, just nice about their parents?

• 43:40Speaker 02

  That's very sweet.

• 43:41Dax Shepard?

  How about you?

• 43:41Speaker 02

  I just started too. I mean, there was a lot of stuff that just R rated comedies. We can't show them, but not too long ago, they started watching the Mindy Project.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  Mindy Kaling was on here, by the way. She had the best time.

• 43:52Dax Shepard?

  Did she? Was that the report?

• 43:53Speaker 02

  That was the report. Like literally as she was leaving texting me.

• 43:56Dax Shepard?

  We know that you shit mouthed us a little bit.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  What I said?

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, snacks.

• 43:59Dax Shepard?

  You told her to bring snacks, cause it's long.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Ike said, bring snacks. You're like, uh oh.

• 44:10Dax Shepard?

  And also hydrate.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Pretty good. Make sure you're hydrated.

• 44:13Dax Shepard?

  You only sleep like 12 hours.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Bring a toothbrush, cause you're gonna take a nap at some point. No, she loved it.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  It was so exciting.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  She does not do a lot of podcast.

• 44:20Dax Shepard?

  We've been begging for seven years.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Literally seven years.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  We did our show together.

• 44:24Dax Shepard?

  So the other thing is yours was a little longer. You had a hot five years on camera and then you were kinda out of the business.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Yes. Mad TV was like young guy doing it and then.

• 44:33Dax Shepard?

  Promising.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  No one would cast me. I would test for pilot after pilot and it would be me against four guys who were either much better looking.

• 44:40Dax Shepard?

  They'd be watching the same, like, do you feel like you could smell them? I feel like I could smell them. Listen, I'm like, this guy, I heard he's a Jewish shit pig.

• 44:48Dax Shepard?

  But then you pivot and you start writing and this is the same with me. I had like a really hot three or four years punk idiocracy. And then really I don't know if I can get hired for anything. And then I just go to writing and then I have a script under development at Imagine. And while I'm in a note session on that script, they're casting Parenthood. David Nevens happens to say, boy, he would be a great Crosby. And then I'm kinda back into.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 45:11Dax Shepard?

  We have the same exact story, right?

• 45:12Speaker 02

  It is, yeah. My David Nevens was Mindy.

• 45:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  Who was like, these guys wrote a script that I like and I have my own show that we're starting, me and Dave Stassen. And then she was like, oh, you should be on the show. And then she created this character. A lot of those things I haven't watched in 10 plus years.

• 45:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Now that my kids are watching it.

• 45:27Dax Shepard?

  Do you cry?

• 45:28Speaker 02

  I did cry at one scene just cause I remember shooting it. It was being very emotional. It was right around when my kid was born.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  But it really was great to watch and kinda laugh, cause it's such a funny, funny show where all the characters are the perfect amount of dumb. And vapid, but also very kind of sweet. So it's really nice to go back. Then I pushed it one night where my older one was on the couch and we're flipping through HBO and Neighbors was on. And it just in my mind, I was like, I'm watching a little bit of Neighbors. Erica came down. She's like, are you fucking crazy?

• 45:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I know.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  And then two minutes later, she had gone to bed and I look and it's Dave Franco's bare butt. Pumping away, just pumping. And I was just like, oh, right.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  I did that two weekends ago in a hotel with Delta and Sarah Marshall was on. And I'm like, oh, this could be fun. This is mom in a balls to the wall comedy.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  One of the funniest movies ever.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 46:20Dax Shepard?

  And I don't think of all the things they've seen her and they haven't seen her in a fucking hard hitting comedy. And same thing, it starts and all of a sudden Jason's dick is out and the towel's up. And then I'm even telling myself like, we're not hung up on nudity in my family. So that's whatever. And then this is as it goes on, I'm like, no, I don't think this is the right.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  I wish we weren't hung up about nudity, but my 11 year old, who's like going on 15, she'll come into my bathroom. When I am coming out of my shower. And will look at me and go, oh, and I'm like, what are we doing? Why are you doing this? This is so mean.

• 46:57Dax Shepard?

  I don't go to your bathroom and evaluate your body.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  What the hell? Like it's very pointed and just like, oh.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  She's disgusted.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Disgusted. I get it, but I'm like, just please internalize that.

• 47:08Dax Shepard?

  Do you know what our older daughter asked Kristen at one point? She said, why do you and daddy's birds, it's universal in my house. It can be a male or female. Why do you and daddy's birds look so old?

• 47:23Speaker 02

  That's a tough one. You're like, I don't know. And you Google dickoplasty.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Dick lift Los Angeles.

• 47:31Dax Shepard?

  I'm luckily was not a part of the conversation. And I were like, the testicles are.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  I can tell you right now, it's the testicles.

• 47:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I guess I didn't.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Those things do not age well. They're the opposite of idiocracy. They just get bigger and longer.

• 47:44Dax Shepard?

  Stretchier.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  God.

• 47:46Dax Shepard?

  So you're losing plasticity, but you're also gaining it there.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  It's the worst.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  What age do you think? You have to stop being naked around your kids.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  It was never a thing. Obviously, it's probably a little different when it's intersex. Probably like when they become teenagers, when they start going through puberty. But the minute I get roasted.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:07Dax Shepard?

  Now you're insecure. Yeah, you're coming for yourself.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  So now I get out of the shower quickly.

• 48:12Dax Shepard?

  Peek around.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're past the point now.

• 48:14Dax Shepard?

  My policy is they'll decide that because in Europe, they don't give a fuck.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  They're nude. They go to dinner nude.

• 48:19Dax Shepard?

  I'm aiming for that.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  You know, in Europe, they don't start dinner nude until 10 p.m. sometimes.

• 48:24Dax Shepard?

  Dinner nude.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  I will say every once in a while, you'll shower with one of the kids, you know, like in a hotel. Well, now we're underwear because for the little one, especially she's at like dick height. And like, I don't need to be like washing her hair and her to be like, you know what I mean?

• 48:38Dax Shepard?

  Staring at an elephant.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Forget it. So that I wear underwear for, which is I think I would recommend.

• 48:42Dax Shepard?

  That feels more perverted for you to wear underwear in a shower. If I walk in, I saw a man and his daughter and he was wearing tighty-whities, I'd be like, what's happening? Do you need protection?

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Look like David Cross in Arrested Development. I'm a never nude.

• 48:57Dax Shepard?

  You're probably sick of talking about this, but it is still so exciting and it's his fault because he keeps popping up. But your dad, Alan.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 49:03Dax Shepard?

  We've been along for this whole ride because we were big jury duty fans.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  So good.

• 49:08Dax Shepard?

  And he was phenomenal. And then I see him immediately in Running Point.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  Running Point, yes. He plays the family lawyer. Kisses Kate Hudson.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 49:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good for him.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  We wrote the character to be a vuncular, older man who's very touchy and stuff. And so we were shooting it and he's kind of kissing Dero and Scotty MacArthur. He's kissing him on the forehead and Kate Hudson, who's so game for any comedy thing. She's like, hey, on this next take, he should probably kiss me on the lips. So I go, you gotta kiss Kate on the lips. He goes, I cannot do that.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  He said he can't. That would be inappropriate. And then I go, no, it's her idea. He goes, oh. So now in the show, there's like a big fat smooch on the lips and he tells everyone, he's like, yeah, Kate Hudson's a star. And I'm like, good for him.

• 49:48Dax Shepard?

  Take it easy. He's 70.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  72. He's living his best life right now. He's in the studio too.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  I saw him in the studio. He is a working actor now. It's crazy.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  He's the opposite of a nepo baby.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  He's a nepo dad.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  He's a nepo daddy.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  It's something you can really get behind.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that.

• 50:05Dax Shepard?

  And you said you were striking and you brought him along.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  It was crazy. I brought him to the picket line one day and he sees Titus Williver, right? Now Bosch to fathers. It's Joseph Smith to a Mormon.

• 50:17Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 50:19Speaker 02

  It's everything. So he's a super tough cop who's a little bit whoa, but also likes jazz. Just like me. He calls people slurs, but he's on the right side of justice. I love him.

• 50:30Dax Shepard?

  He's helping them and insulting them.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. So we see Bosch and my dad is just like losing his mind. And then Bosch learns who he is and Bosch is like, oh, they talked. They were so excited. What was better for him, getting approached by Bosch or kissing Kate Hudson? That's a real tough one. I think honestly Bosch kissing Kate. I don't think he had any illusion that she was gonna dump Danny and they're gonna end up together and then he could really get to Goldie. As I say it, that is a plan though. Do you think though, in his mind, he was like, I think he might let me? Maybe in his mind, he's like, well, my wife, I don't know if she understands the concept of a hall pass. If I were to explain it to her and Kate Hudson was on board, yeah, this could work. She would want this for me. She would be happy for me. I do think that in his mind, there's definitely a kernel of like,

• 51:17Speaker 02

  what if me and Bosch become friends? What if I'm on the show? You know what I mean? Is it still running? Bosch, oh, they got Bosch Legacy out now, dude. There will always be here. There'll be spin offs and stuff. As long as there's crime in LA, Bosch is here to clean it up.

• 51:30Dax Shepard?

  I have a bone to pick with you.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 51:32Dax Shepard?

  Which is simply, I begged you to do a podcast with us.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 51:35Dax Shepard?

  And you didn't.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  I only think about it every day.

• 51:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And then lo and behold, Poller's here to promote her podcast. And I come to find out, you definitely said yes to her when she had an idea.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  I did.

• 51:45Dax Shepard?

  Chris Chapman do-over.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Chris Chapman do-over. Here's what happened. When you came to me years ago and you're like, you should do a podcast. It would be really fun. And I was like, I'm too busy doing bullshit. And now I'm like, oh my God, you could have a podcast. I can't start one now. 2025. But Poller came to me and she had such a funny idea. First of all, you can't say no to her.

• 52:03Dax Shepard?

  I love her.

• 52:04Speaker 02

  And her take on it was great though. She was like, I want to figure out a way for us to improvise without having to go on stage at eight 30 at night.

• 52:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  And have people filming. Putting it online. What's a way for us just to riff? Cause that is something that I miss, even though improv is coming back. There's a lot of good improv in LA right now. Live improv at Largo Dinosaur Improv with Paul Shear, the last improv show. So we came up with the idea to do like a take on a podcast that would exist in the manosphere a little bit, inspired by lots of different people.

• 52:32Dax Shepard?

  As you say, repeating conspiracy theories, having medical advice.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of talking about clips of things that you watched online. It really is inspired by lots of different people. So we came up with a crew and we spent this incredible two weeks where we taped like eight episodes of this fake podcast. That is so much fun. It is so funny. The company, I don't know if I should say this, they were so wonderful who made it, but the week mine came out, they were like, we're going out of business.

• 52:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  We never really got a chance to do like a big promotion, but it's still out there. Just to get to be very confidently wrong is a very fun energy to play. Like Catherine O'Hara one time said, play confident and stupid. And it is the magic sauce. So getting to do that, and then again, we also had Neil Casey, who's one of the funniest guys. And Lisa Gilroy, she's an improviser and an actor, and she is so hardcore funny. One of the best improvisers I've ever seen in my life.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Basically, the premise of the podcast was, I got canceled. The podcast went away and a new company said they will do my podcast if half of 1% of my listeners can be women.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  So I'm like, okay, so this is my new co-host. He's so funny. So it's such a fun thing to get to do it with Paul Lar and sit in the studio with Paul Lar and our friend Liz Kokowski, who's one of the great geniuses. It was one of the most fun things I did that year.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, fun. Go check that out.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Chris Chapman do-over.

• 53:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay, one last thing and then into both shows. I don't know why I want to bring this up, but we had Bobby Lee on. I mean, other than maybe you, I have not had that much fun talking to somebody in front of a microphone. How special is Bobby Lee?

• 54:04Speaker 02

  I did his podcast. It was the old Tiger Belly like a year and a half ago. And it was like the most fun I had in such a long time. He's so wonderful. And now that he's older and he's just very settled now in a weird way. He was so chaotic for so long. He's always been one of the funniest guys, but whenever you'd see him, he would be a little stressed. And now he's so happy. He's very successful.

• 54:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  And he is just one of the best and funniest. When I was on his podcast, he really just spent the first half hour just apologizing for stuff that he did at Mad TV. And it was just so grotesque.

• 54:36Dax Shepard?

  Night stepping you.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Oh, it was just like, I'm really sorry that one time you were writing a sketch and I came in and pulled down my pants and spread my ass. Shoved pums in my ass. And I was like, it's okay. I wasn't offended.

• 54:49Dax Shepard?

  He has this weird way of in his apology, re-traumatizing you and making, maybe the apology is worse than the event.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  A whole new audience who never even thought of that happening before.

• 54:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he tells a story about being molested.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I know the story very well.

• 55:04Dax Shepard?

  It's like, yeah, all things are happening at once. It's so unique.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's wonderful. I'm actually doing his podcast, him and Santino.

• 55:10Dax Shepard?

  Santino, Santino. He's Chicago?

• 55:13Speaker 02

  Sicily. He immigrated here from Sicily three years ago.

• 55:16Dax Shepard?

  One of the only redheaded Sicilians.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  First ever. He is Chicago.

• 55:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Running Point.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Running Point.

• 55:21Dax Shepard?

  You're a creator?

• 55:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 55:23Dax Shepard?

  See what's really funny is I was looking at your Instagram and you had a photo dump from Running Point. In that, Justin is wearing that shirt.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  He's wearing the gear.

• 55:32Dax Shepard?

  And you know what? I'm so stupid. This is how fucking powerful Thro is. I'm looking at that exact shirt you're wearing. I forget that the name of the team is The Waves, even though I've seen the show. And I go, man, hell, he did it again. He's got this shirt on that says Waves. What rum and sale did he find that in in New Jersey?

• 55:48Speaker 01

  You thought it was like vintage?

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, everything he wears is so cool and vintage. He is the best dressed man I've ever seen him.

• 55:53Dax Shepard?

  Just fucking oozing cool.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  If I were to dress like him, people would be like, sir, you need to leave.

• 55:59Dax Shepard?

  I gave it a shot. I was like, I think I can pull it off because I ride motorcycles. And I was like, you're not pulling this off. No, he's one of a kind.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, he looks like a European dude who's by himself on a motorcycle. And you look like a guy who's trying to get into the hell's angel.

• 56:12Dax Shepard?

  And he's written four or five really substantial poetry books that are good.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  That's good poetry. Yeah, yeah. He smokes Galas.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  He smokes like Winston.

• 56:25Dax Shepard?

  But you created that.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  With my friend Mindy Kaling.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Never heard of her? And Dave Stassen, who was our showrunner. And Mindy approached us and she was like, I have an idea for a show that's loosely based off of Genie Bus.

• 56:37Dax Shepard?

  And had you met Genie before?

• 56:39Speaker 02

  I actually strangely had. My lawyer is friendly with her and took me to a game once, introduced me. A, she's so cool and just lovely and nice. Growing up in Chicago, big Bulls fan, like Bulls first always. But there was something, as a kid, I loved Magic Johnson. I just thought he was fun and cool. You probably loved him from Michigan.

• 56:58Dax Shepard?

  He and Isaiah kissed each other, if you remember, mid-court once.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  Right, which was the worst thing ever.

• 57:03Dax Shepard?

  Which was like eighty-seven. That was like the first time I had seen two men kiss.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  Monica, this is Michigan in the eighties. This is a very different time.

• 57:12Dax Shepard?

  It was so different. And I remember when Travolta would go on talk shows, he would hug the host. I'd never seen men hug men.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  In our lifetime, we've watched hugging become a thing. Like, it was truly not a thing until

• 57:23Dax Shepard?

  Travolta.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Bill Clinton signed the nineteen ninety-five National Hugs Act. It was just, we'd shake a hand or even back in the day, they'd be like, how are you?

• 57:31Dax Shepard?

  And you'd try to hurt the other guy.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Oh, you'd squeeze the hand as hard as you can.

• 57:35Dax Shepard?

  As a test of your masculinity.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  John Williamson, my father created a pool supply company.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  You pump it, might grab the elbow if you're really coming out.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  And then the big smack on the shoulder.

• 57:44Dax Shepard?

  Try to put him on the ground.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  The irony that it literally almost full circles into gay.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Oh, it is.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Like, it starts off so masculine and then you're like jerking each other off.

• 57:53Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Hugging is a still new thing.

• 57:55Dax Shepard?

  You might remember this rumor when we were kids, that the boss kissed his saxophone player. This was like this huge rumor. Do you remember that?

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Bruce Springsteen kissed Clarence Clemons?

• 58:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great, you know everyone's name involved. Was that like a thing that hit Chicago?

• 58:07Speaker 02

  No, never got that one.

• 58:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I did. People were like, you know Bruce Springsteen kissed his saxophone player?

• 58:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  I love urban rumors. I remember in high school, oh yeah, Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he could suck his own dick.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  Hundred percent right.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  That was a big one. Which is actually true, I think. Yeah, I found that out this morning. It was in the paper, fact of the day, I get a little email.

• 58:26Dax Shepard?

  You know, I partied with him one time.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 58:28Dax Shepard?

  Back when I used to do coke.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can imagine that would be a prerequisite for hanging out with him.

• 58:33Dax Shepard?

  It was pre any Domestic abuse situation with women. So I had no ethical dilemma whatsoever. It was still in that phase where he had been in bullying for calling by. And you were like, oh, he's really smart.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  He's smart. His music's actually good.

• 58:46Dax Shepard?

  I never went all the way there, but I was like, that's kind of intriguing.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, he was like an interesting guy.

• 58:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and he had a ton of toot and I was down to hang.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  I don't know if I told you this story once, but I used to be a busboy at Arnie Morton's on La Cienega. Morton's Steakhouse.

• 59:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love Morton's. Still my place.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  I love it. So this is like 2001 and before I went to work, I was at home. And there was a show on I F C that you might remember called Dinner for Five.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Oh, loved it.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Loved Dinner for Five. And so I was watching it. Jon Favreau was the host and I can't quite remember. There were two other people and then Marilyn Manson. And then there was an empty chair. So I remember going to work that night, bussing a table and Marilyn Manson walks in. He's a big guy and he comes in and he sits down and he's with some slave or whatever. And he sits down and I was like, I gotta ask him who did not show up.

• 59:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great, great.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  So I'm kind of just waiting for the right moment and I start bussing the table next to him. And I just kind of turn and I go to him, hey, excuse me, I hate to bother you. Who didn't show up for Dinner for Five? And literally as I turned to him, he's just put like a relatively large piece of steak in his mouth.

• 59:52Dax Shepard?

  He's giving me like a minute of chewing.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  Bro, it was like a solid 30 seconds of him being kind of annoyed and holding up his finger and being like, and I'm waiting for it and I'm waiting for it and it feels like an eternity. And finally he goes, Michael Repaport.

• 1:00:10Dax Shepard?

  Is that the opening movies? I feel like we need more of those. That has happened to me numerous times. Just took a way too big bite of a ribeye and I'm gonna need a minute and a half to get through it.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  I need a little bit more actually, cause I gotta clean some stuff out of my teeth before I talk to you at this point.

• 1:00:27Dax Shepard?

  But back to running point, you're a writer creator. You're on set for the whole time?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. So Mindy approached Dave and I and she's like, I have this idea for a show. We love her so much and the Mindy project was the best gig ever. It was the most fun. Me and her and Dave, our sensibilities just really line up.

• 1:00:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's a great feeling.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  So we spent With her eating gigantic sandwiches every day and just kind of breaking the show, writing the show. And so then we like, who's gonna play this part? One of those shows where it's so all about the lead. And we had on our wishlist, obviously it'd be great if we can get someone like Kate Hudson to do this. That's impossible. She's Kate Hudson. And so sure enough, we got a call, her agents, like, I read this, I love it. She's gonna read it and then she read it and she loved it.

• 1:01:07Dax Shepard?

  That never happens.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  That never, what always happens is you find out she's gonna do it and then the last minute, it just doesn't work. Or she got another movie or something, but she really stuck to her guns. I think she really saw the vision. And so then we were able to get this insane guest cast around her. It's a sibling workplace comedy. And so we were able to get Drew Tarver, who I am obsessed with.

• 1:01:27Dax Shepard?

  He's pretty shockingly funny. He was also on a show with Caitlin. That's where I first saw him, Caitlin Olshin.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  He's got the Bateman thing. When he's dialed in, where even when he says a line that's even remotely funny, he still makes it funny. That means you'll work forever.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  He was at UCB during my time, so I saw him on stage all the time.

• 1:01:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, his essence is perpetually hungover, which is the best kind of vibe.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  If you could have that, I mean, that's like a Bill Murray thing. When you talk about it like, what, what do you want? And in real life, delightful, wonderful man. Scott MacArthur is a guy who we had known for a very, very long time. He grew up in Chicago, forty years, like literally forty years. We knew him when he was four years old, remember when he was born? And then we had the part of the other brother. First we had Brenda Song, who is amazing. Walking around in public with her, the only other person I've seen that gets that kind of smoke is John Cena. People when they see Brenda Song lose their fucking minds, it's wild. But then the older brother part was the last big piece. And it was a really funny part and we needed to kill her and we got through. Which was just wild because he is low key, I think, one of the best actors out there.

• 1:02:32Dax Shepard?

  Totally.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  To have him come and do a big dumb comedy.

• 1:02:35Dax Shepard?

  You guys were both on Plumbers.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  White House Plumbers.

• 1:02:37Dax Shepard?

  That show, I don't know why that one went under the radar. Kristen and I watched it a year and a half after it came out and I was like, this show's a ten.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  How funny was he on that show?

• 1:02:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  That performer, he was played G. Gordon Liddy and he's talking like this the entire time. But it's so believable. Woody with this big. Stupid theater. But it was such a great show. I also think too is right when Max.

• 1:03:01Dax Shepard?

  You don't understand.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Breaking off a little bit.

• 1:03:03Dax Shepard?

  You couldn't sign in for a couple of months.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're clicking forget password, but it's to your old email that you don't have access to anymore. But it was a great show.

• 1:03:10Dax Shepard?

  We're only gonna do so much about the studio because we had Seth in and it's probably the most we've ever talked about someone's project on the show because I genuinely from the bottom of my heart blown away.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  You sent me the nicest text, man.

• 1:03:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was really nice. Cause you don't know, you work on something and you love it, but when people you know reach out, it really is a very, very lovely thing.

• 1:03:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, I loved it. I watched all 10.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  Every day you'd show up and there'd be a new person like Martin Scorsese. I had to act with him for hours and hours in oneers.

• 1:03:41Dax Shepard?

  So the stress level's only compounded.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  After every take, I kind of stand there with him because he's one of those people that everyone's like, don't bother. But I'm standing with him. So I would just kind of talk a little bit and then try to get out. So I'm not talking too long. But he's one of those guys where he is as advertised, where everything you say to him, he's going to say in the most Martin Scorsese way. Like I'd say to him, how do you like how we're shooting? He goes, oh, it's great. It's French New Wave, you know? Godard created that because he only had one camera. So that's what the French New Wave was. And you're like, that's so fucking cool. He said that.

• 1:04:09Dax Shepard?

  And you feel like emboldened. He's opened the door.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  Yes. So now I'm like being a psychopath who knows everything about you.

• 1:04:15Dax Shepard?

  Breaking ball. Or you should pull out a list.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Well, I go, your favorite French New Wave was 400 Blows, right?

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  He goes, well, it changes. It changes all the time. I think right now it's Jules at Jim. You know, the first time I saw Jules at Jim, I remember sitting there thinking, if only I could make a movie. The whole movie was the first 20 minutes of this movie and not this fellas. And I'm like, oh, but meanwhile just.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Now I'd be like, bye. Cause I don't want to wear out my welcome. So I gotta go. I'll be right back. And then I'm just standing like five feet. It was crazy. The whole series, every scene is shot in one take. So it's not like a conventional show where we have our coverage.

• 1:04:55Dax Shepard?

  How did it affect your comfort in improv-ing?

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  You don't want to be the person who fucks up. Yeah. And then has the giant reset. And that definitely happened a few times. Everything about. Seth though, I don't know if it's like, cause he's Canadian or the weed. He's the most easygoing guy when it comes to that shit. Even if inside he's pissed.

• 1:05:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  You will never see that because like if someone would fuck up, Pete is ready to go. Oh, here we go. There was one day where we were driving, Sunset Boulevard is locked off at 6pm. Oh, so we can drive a 1958 Maserati and do a fucking whip U-turn and pull up into the chateau. And the car just won't start. It's just getting flooded out every time.

• 1:05:36Dax Shepard?

  And he's got to snake up that tight drive.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  Bro, it is so high stakes. If it were me, AI would just be like, I can't do this, obviously. We'll get a stunt driver, I'll be in the chateau.

• 1:05:45Dax Shepard?

  We'll do a cowboy switch, I'll be on the floor.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Switch and then if not, just use AI, whatever the fuck that means. And the car's just flooding. The second time it floods, I'd be like, all right, I want to have a little meeting with everyone. This can't flood again or otherwise, I don't want to be hyperbolic, but I'm going to kill myself. And every time it floods, Seth would just go, oh, oh, oh, boy.

• 1:06:02Dax Shepard?

  This thing doesn't work.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  What are we gonna do? And it was just like, so good natured. So I was scared, but again, the knowledge of knowing that even if you fuck up, they're not going to yell at you. In terms of the improv, it was interesting because I've worked with them a lot. They're very improv welcoming directors. They really love to hear what you have, as long as it's in character and on story.

• 1:06:23Dax Shepard?

  Story, yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Every line is not advancing the story, I can assure you. No matter how much the boom operator laughed, it's not going to be in the fucking thing. So they are very welcoming of it, but some scenes we would rehearse for hours and hours before we even started rolling. So that was kind of the time, once you're in it, it's like a play. You throw in a new line and that affects someone's cue, you're going to feel like a dick.

• 1:06:44Dax Shepard?

  Yes, because the choreography that's happening for these shots, which people might not realize is there's like seven assistant directors with earpieces on, cueing guy with the tray to walk through, cueing the light cue. If you fuck up one cue, it's dominoes.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  It's a huge thing and our DP Adam is just so active and running around. They built equipment that had never been used before for this. So the cranes flying in, if I ruin one of those takes, cause I'm like, oh yeah, what are you, Hawk to a girl? Like I try to like cram it like a reference. People are gonna be like, fuck you.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's kind of good. It's like humbling in some ways for actors.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  It is. To quote Alan Partridge, surprise me in rehearsal.

• 1:07:25Dax Shepard?

  Ah, that's nice.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  It wasn't like a big improv bonanza, which I think was very good for this show, but they still let us kind of flex a little. But it was great. Just a lot of the fun too was working with director, like Ron Howard.

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  Like as an actor, you know Ron very well, and I have met him once before, but when you're sitting in like a Sprinter van with Ron Howard and he's looking at his lines.

• 1:07:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  At one point I said to him, we were shooting on Warner Brothers and I was like, have you ever shot here as an actor? He goes, yeah, I shot the music man here.

• 1:07:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  He was the boy in the music man.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Crazy. It's crazy.

• 1:07:55Dax Shepard?

  But that part I would imagine is fun because once Ron Howard has sides, everything's neutralized.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:08:03Dax Shepard?

  He's as nervous about remembering his lines as anyone else. Like, status is evaporated.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  It's an equalizer.

• 1:08:09Dax Shepard?

  Yes. You didn't have anything with Ice Cube. I'm not remembering, did you?

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  I shot with him the day after he came out on the Dodgers, center field and sang for the World Series. It was really cool. Years ago, together we did James Corden's show. And you know, you do it together.

• 1:08:22Dax Shepard?

  For better or worse.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  For better or worse. It has been worse for me.

• 1:08:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, same.

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  I walked out with Cube. I was very nervous to meet Cube.

• 1:08:28Dax Shepard?

  He's an intimidating guy.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  Intimidating guy. And also I was obsessed with NWA. I was obsessed with Boys in the Hood. Friday is one of my all time favorite movies. The Predator is one of my all time favorite albums. Three Kings is one of my all time favorite movies.

• 1:08:38Dax Shepard?

  Death Certificate?

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Death Certificate. Press Pass. I saw Press Pass in the theaters. I walked up to him and he was just like, oh, what's up, man? Yeah, I seen you being funny. And I was like.

• 1:08:47Dax Shepard?

  Thank God.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  That's really good.

• 1:08:49Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna go fuck off now.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Luckily, I think he thought I was Donnie Wahlberg.

• 1:08:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  I'll take it.

• 1:08:54Dax Shepard?

  If he thought I was Zach Braff, I can talk about Scrubs.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Donald's a good friend.

• 1:09:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Lawrence is incredible. I've never worked for anyone better.

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  If you come up to me, there is a movie called Rat Race. Remember Rat Race?

• 1:09:06Dax Shepard?

  Yes, Seth Green was in it.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  Seth Green. There was a guy in that movie, I'm blanking on his name, who we kind of look alike. The guy pisses his tongue on something like this.

• 1:09:14Dax Shepard?

  I can do your LNX study character.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  Um, actually, if you look at the data, probably 5,000 times people have come up to me and been like, yo, man, love Rat Race. At first I was like, that's not me. But now I go, thank you.

• 1:09:26Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the right move.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  Thing to do.

• 1:09:28Dax Shepard?

  Same. I get Garden State compliments and I'm flattered to be associated with the film.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love the shins, man. I found them.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:09:45Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore

• 1:10:29Dax Shepard?

  the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. We get support from No Bull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post-summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 1:10:46Dax Shepard?

  Exactly. And that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole No Bull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex, and the Drive 2. I like the Drive 2 because it's a hybrid and I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:11:17Dax Shepard?

  Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility and boy, do they deliver.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 1:11:27Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines and it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.

• 1:11:44Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobolproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week.

• 1:11:59Dax Shepard?

  Now here's one bit of how the sausage was made that I'm curious about is there's this incredible episode called The War and you and Chase go to war.

• 1:12:08Speaker 02

  How great is she by the way?

• 1:12:09Dax Shepard?

  She's incredible. She's a CE, a creative executive. So she's under you on this totem pole.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  But we have this rivalry a little bit.

• 1:12:16Dax Shepard?

  You have a rivalry. You're fucking each other over on the director you want for a project. And it's escalating, escalating and then it gets physical. Now here's what I'm curious in the one, I'd be afraid, I'd want to push and get crazy. And then I'd be afraid if it was too much because at the end of the day, you're an enormous man and she's a young woman.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:34Dax Shepard?

  Was any of that stuff circle? I was like, oh man, they found the line just perfectly. When it's crazy as it could get, but it didn't get scary.

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  At one point myself was like, I'm yelling at her and she's such a good actor and she's crying. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm gonna look like a dick, but I think it's okay. He's supposed to be a dick. I usually play bubbly and fun and comedy stupid. My panties fell down. Oops, I farted.

• 1:12:57Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:12:58Speaker 02

  To be really fucking like, I will fucking end your career.

• 1:13:02Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Fucking stupid little idiot. And you see in her eyes to hurt. You do feel like a shithead. But it's real. But it's real and it's good. And they want that.

• 1:13:10Dax Shepard?

  I mean, your character, Sales Everstein, he drives a yellow 911 convertible.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Yes. He is a problematic guy, I would say.

• 1:13:18Dax Shepard?

  He's a snorting coke. We were watching the first episode with my daughter. No, it was a Khaleesi. It was an even younger viewer. Yeah.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Oh great.

• 1:13:26Dax Shepard?

  We had a seven year old and she's like, what did he just do? And I'm like, he did a drug cocaine. And she was really trying to figure out, did you pound it into your hand?

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  The first time we did it, they had the real fake cocaine, which was I think baby laxative. They say it's all safe. So I was snorting it. After like three hours, I was like, I have a shitty headache now. Sucks your sinuses. So then the next time they were doing it, Andy, our prop guy's like, hey, do you want the real stuff? Or do you want to use VFX?

• 1:13:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, that was an option.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's the same thing of like, wait, you offer laughing gas? Yeah. Why was I not told? So then there was a lot of VFX. But I think when we were doing some of the Vegas stuff, it was so crazy for the finales that I'm sure there was real. Powder flying around, not real cocaine, but real fake powder. But it brought me back. Put it this way, I definitely had the same reflexive diarrhea.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:14:17Dax Shepard?

  I remember when I would do a big line and then I'd be like, oh my God, I go, shit. I was so thrilled. I'm like, here we go.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. And then like 13 minutes later, why did I do this? Five hours later, you're like, I'm so glad I did this. And 24 years later, like, I need to change my life.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  Ew, do the bathrooms at clubs just stink?

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  They are so gross. So many substances just being excreted.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Anyone has diarrhea?

• 1:14:43Speaker 02

  Lot of diarrhea, hard drugs, especially back in the day.

• 1:14:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I used to do ecstasy all the time. Half the time it was half heroin, half the time it was half meth. You didn't know what the hell it was.

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  You knew that whatever you ate was gonna come out very quickly.

• 1:14:55Dax Shepard?

  I didn't know I was gonna be horny no matter what.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 1:14:58Dax Shepard?

  Those compounds made their way into that.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  I know there were some people that were like, yeah, I don't have any sexuality on drugs. And I'm like, come here, my male friend, I'm gonna suck your tits.

• 1:15:08Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna massage your hand until I'm erect.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  God damn it, not anymore. If you and I knew each other in 2000, we would not be alive.

• 1:15:19Dax Shepard?

  That's possible.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  One of us would be.

• 1:15:21Dax Shepard?

  Why would we be married? Don't rule us out, no.

• 1:15:24Speaker 02

  Guys, I can't, I'm going over to Dax Shepard. You know the guy from Punk?

• 1:15:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I got a big wrestling match with him.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  We've been wrestling a lot. No, no, we're not hooking up. And then years later, you're like, yeah, we just adopted another kid.

• 1:15:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, fuck, I've never been happier. Ike, I do adore you. This is number three. I hope there's like 10 more.

• 1:15:40Speaker 02

  Who else is in the three club?

• 1:15:42Speaker 01

  David Sedaris, I think we have five.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  Okay, I guess I gotta go write a bunch of great books.

• 1:15:47Dax Shepard?

  Possibly good books that I should write.

• 1:15:50Speaker 01

  Who else have we had in that club?

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Malcolm's in the.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  Malcolm Gladwell is up there.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  I'm the same as him.

• 1:15:56Dax Shepard?

  Chris Hannah-Bohr.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:15:58Dax Shepard?

  That's a gimme.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  Sleep with her.

• 1:15:59Speaker 05

  Seth Rogen did three.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, boom, got you.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  But you've done a live show for us. That gives you an extra.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  Hey, can we just talk about that live show? That was one of the most fun live nights of my life.

• 1:16:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm so glad to hear you say that because I went and listened to it back. Before today and I was shook. I urge everyone to go listen to that. It shouldn't be as good as it is. You were so on fire.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  You are a homerun.

• 1:16:24Speaker 02

  So much fun. The aren't your audience is the greatest fucking audience.

• 1:16:28Dax Shepard?

  Truly, there's nothing better.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  There's nothing better than them and they came to that show. They were so tuned up. I remember before you guys brought me out, just like you guys, there's so much love there for you guys and what they do.

• 1:16:38Dax Shepard?

  Fanbase.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  I'm so lucky because I've touched into a lot of different fanbases and they're all so nice.

• 1:16:44Dax Shepard?

  Positive, intelligent.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:16:46Dax Shepard?

  But can get dark humor.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  Yes, like dirty jokes.

• 1:16:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  And offended by fucking everything.

• 1:16:51Dax Shepard?

  Who like dirty jokes. Impossibly good group. So that was a party. People should really listen to that one.

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good one.

• 1:16:56Dax Shepard?

  It's so funny. You talking about fucking through the sheet and you did Obama fucking through the sheet.

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  Obama fucking Michelle, I remember. I remember that one.

• 1:17:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you did.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  Sticker service called after that. I don't even know if the sheet thing's real.

• 1:17:05Dax Shepard?

  It's not real. I think that whole thing was started from a Seinfeld episode.

• 1:17:08Speaker 02

  I think there's a lot of things that were like B stories and sitcoms and now people are like, yeah, no, that's true.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  I'm sure we did it on the fact check back then and we will have to do it again.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  We have to now, yes.

• 1:17:18Dax Shepard?

  It'll be apologies to all of our Jewish friends. All right, Ike, I adore you. Thanks for coming. Everybody watch both Running Point, which is on now.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  On Netflix. Go Waves.

• 1:17:27Dax Shepard?

  And then The Studio, which is March 26 on Apple Plus.

• 1:17:31Speaker 02

  Apple Plus. Go Studio.

• 1:17:32Dax Shepard?

  Well, you've got your dong in both of the big streamers, don't you? Oh my god.

• 1:17:37Speaker 02

  I got a real garbage dick when it comes to working with people.

• 1:17:40Dax Shepard?

  With the good, with the powerhouse streamers.

• 1:17:42Speaker 02

  I'm setting up a deal this year where I fuck Amazon.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  Get some of those pesos.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  Look at that. Look at that. I was maybe gonna cut it. Now I can't.

• 1:17:55Dax Shepard?

  She was sharpening her scissors as I brought up Jeff pesos.

• 1:17:59Speaker 02

  I love you guys so much. Thank you guys for having me. I love you.

• 1:18:01Dax Shepard?

  Mezal tough.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong.

• 1:18:12Dax Shepard?

  Ike Barinholtz.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  Got him, got him, got him up.

• 1:18:15Dax Shepard?

  Well, I was with Joe Gillette.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:18:18Dax Shepard?

  We were talking about Jackie Tone on Jeopardy.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:18:21Dax Shepard?

  Which then led to me, I tell everyone who will listen about Ike's.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  Big win.

• 1:18:28Dax Shepard?

  Incredible performance in the true Tournament of Champions.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, really cool.

• 1:18:33Dax Shepard?

  Won the quarterfinals, almost won the semis.

• 1:18:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's a big deal.

• 1:18:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what a guy.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Um, okay.

• 1:18:42Dax Shepard?

  You fell in love, do you want to tell people?

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  I have a big story.

• 1:18:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Let's talk about.

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  Ike needs to wait.

• 1:18:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he can, he'll have his time.

• 1:18:50Speaker 01

  Yesterday was such a weird day for me.

• 1:18:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:18:54Speaker 01

  You know, in television?

• 1:18:57Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I know television.

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  You know about it, the industry?

• 1:18:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  In television series, sometimes there's an episode called a bottle episode. It's an episode that's sort of a one-off episode in the middle of the series. It normally doesn't really take place in the same location. It has fewer of the like regular characters. It's sort of a one-off.

• 1:19:19Dax Shepard?

  It's a cost-saving episode.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:19:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:23Speaker 01

  Yesterday was the bottle episode of my life.

• 1:19:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  I had a bottle episode.

• 1:19:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wow.

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  Yesterday I had to, we had nothing, we weren't recording yesterday.

• 1:19:34Dax Shepard?

  We had the day off yesterday.

• 1:19:35Speaker 01

  We had the day off, it was gonna be great.

• 1:19:37Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  You know, I was gonna have time to edit and get ahead.

• 1:19:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, me too, I was gonna do research of Thursday's guest, yeah.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Nose to the.

• 1:19:47Dax Shepard?

  Grindstone.

• 1:19:48Speaker 01

  Grindstone. And, but I did have one thing to do, which is go to Santa Monica.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  For my face.

• 1:19:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  Shout out again to Jen at Corrective Skincare, she's just changed my face.

• 1:20:03Dax Shepard?

  She's really taking you to new places.

• 1:20:05Speaker 01

  She really is, I'm so grateful for her. Um, anyway, so I had to go to Santa Monica, but

• 1:20:12Dax Shepard?

  Side question, sounds perverse, but I am sincere.

• 1:20:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Dax Shepard?

  Like men's butt cheeks are not appealing. They're like hairy and they just look terrible in general.

• 1:20:21Speaker 01

  Sometimes they're nice.

• 1:20:22Dax Shepard?

  And you see those ones on TV. Like if they're good enough, you're you'll be a star.

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:27Dax Shepard?

  Do you think they could do but like really get your butt cheeks looking healthy and um, moisturized and like

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:20:35Dax Shepard?

  Pink and appealing?

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. If you cared about that, I'm sure.

• 1:20:40Dax Shepard?

  But I mean, is your face the same as your butt? I guess the skin is skin.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  Skin is skin, but not really. Like the issues that you'd have on your face are probably different than the ones on your butt cheeks. I don't know which specific ones you're referring to.

• 1:20:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I don't want to get into all the different things I wish were more attractive about my butt cheeks.

• 1:20:58Speaker 01

  But do you want like?

• 1:20:59Dax Shepard?

  Cause what's happening is my butt is getting bigger, which has been my goal for 40 years.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:21:05Dax Shepard?

  Through all this cycling.

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:07Dax Shepard?

  And I look at it in the mirror. I'm like, great. It has the shape I want, but I want it to look like a male model's nude butt, like.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  Well, do you just want to get it waxed?

• 1:21:18Dax Shepard?

  I mean,

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  You mentioned hair earlier. It's like, I can only imagine.

• 1:21:22Dax Shepard?

  I don't, I mean, I don't, but I do, but I won't. Yeah.

• 1:21:25Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, I think first step would be that.

• 1:21:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  And then some sort of serums and moistur-

• 1:21:31Dax Shepard?

  But it's also my butt cheeks have never been in the sun or very minimally have they ever been in the sun. So they're the pales part of my body. I don't like that part.

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:21:39Dax Shepard?

  Let's just say there was no hair. Let's say there's no hair. And it looks great. Other than it's just stark white.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  You want, you want it's, I don't think so. You could do self tanner.

• 1:21:51Dax Shepard?

  On my butt cheeks?

• 1:21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. If you really care.

• 1:21:53Dax Shepard?

  Is there such thing as self tanner or is it just a tint tinted moisturizer you're using? Or can you put a cream on that'll make the melon?

• 1:22:00Speaker 01

  No, it, no.

• 1:22:01Dax Shepard?

  It's just a tint.

• 1:22:02Speaker 01

  It's a tint. I think, I mean, might help. I don't.

• 1:22:07Dax Shepard?

  God, I wish my butt cheeks were brown. Really do. I did for when in Rome.

• 1:22:14Dax Shepard?

  Cause I had so many revealing scenes and I was a male model. I was getting spray tanned the whole time I was in New York.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:22:21Dax Shepard?

  And I will say, I was like, oh, I like that. My butt is that color. That's nice.

• 1:22:26Speaker 01

  You could get another spray. You could get back into spray tan.

• 1:22:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Look in the like offer up or one of these sites and buy a used decommissioned spray tanning booth. So I can do it at home. It's very embarrassing.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  Why don't you just also you could suntan them?

• 1:22:41Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I would love to. And this is one of my grievances about my life is that there's so many people at my house. There's never ever and I'll get agitated. I'll be in my backyard and I think like, yeah, I have this beautiful backyard. I should be able to tan my butt cheeks. No way.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:59Dax Shepard?

  Dog walker walk in, honor walk in, my sister. Wow. Yikes.

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  Do you, do you want to go to my house and do it?

• 1:23:07Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Is that available?

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Do all my butt tanning.

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  I mean, I might randomly come to my house.

• 1:23:15Dax Shepard?

  It's probably gonna be an issue.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  The chances are less.

• 1:23:18Dax Shepard?

  I guess when you go out of town.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:20Dax Shepard?

  I'll do my ass tanning over there.

• 1:23:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I interrupted you. So your face person?

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  Yes. Yes. She's the best. But normally we're

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  all circles back. Circles.

• 1:23:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God. Brown features.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  So, so we normally are recording, so I have to go after we're recording, which means I have to do a whole thing, right? Like I plan the face appointment at four 45 so that I can just stay in Santa Monica.

• 1:23:54Dax Shepard?

  Get a bite to eat. Hopefully Molly's available. And then she cancels and then you don't want to go and you say, I hate it. And I said, didn't you love it? I thought you were excited to go.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  Correct. That's what happens. And then sometimes every now and then you talk on the way home.

• 1:24:05Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  So this time, since we didn't have anything, I was like, oh, I can schedule it midday. I, and I can try to avoid some of this crazy traffic.

• 1:24:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  So I scheduled it for 12, relaxing morning. Actually, I had a tiny bug.

• 1:24:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  So I went to bed at eight the night before and I woke up at 10.

• 1:24:27Dax Shepard?

  God, am I jealous? 14 hours.

• 1:24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I really needed it, I think. Um, I still didn't feel that great when I woke up, but better based on the sleep. But anyway, so I go to Santa Monica.

• 1:24:41Dax Shepard?

  What do your room smelled like?

• 1:24:43Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 1:24:44Dax Shepard?

  Bug plus 14 hours.

• 1:24:45Speaker 01

  Don't say that. Why couldn't it have smelled good?

• 1:24:49Dax Shepard?

  Maybe it did. Maybe it smelled great.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  You know, one time.

• 1:24:51Dax Shepard?

  Even prettier in there after.

• 1:24:52Speaker 01

  You know, one time, um, Delta came over. We stopped by my house to get something and we were going shopping. And she came into my room and she said, "Oh, it smells like Monica in here. I love this smell."

• 1:25:06Dax Shepard?

  Uh, then yeah, she would have loved it. Should have sent her over to wake you up.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 1:25:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  So I go and drive there. It takes forever, but it's fine. It's fine. And, um, face appointment goes great. I decide I'm gonna go. This is an hour 15 minute drive, right? It's fine. Then I decide I'm gonna go to R and D Kitchen afterwards. Oh, what a treat.

• 1:25:33Dax Shepard?

  Montana.

• 1:25:34Speaker 01

  Montana street. Drive there, sit at the bar, have my delicious chicken sandwich, have a cookie.

• 1:25:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  Secret cookie. They have secret cookies there. And I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. Sorry, R and D, but that's what happened. Get back in the car. I'm like, okay, it's an hour. It's saying it's an hour and three minutes. Uh oh, but I know, but okay. All right. It's fine. Start driving back. It's, it's take, it's gonna be longer than an hour and three, it's looking like. But I'm like, it's okay. I still have time. I'm gonna get my work done. It's okay. Everything's okay. Don't panic.

• 1:26:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  I'm on the highway. All of a sudden, the.

• 1:26:12Dax Shepard?

  Tire warning light comes on.

• 1:26:13Speaker 01

  The light comes on. It shows me which tire. And I was like, oh, maybe it's just like nothing. Maybe just low air pressure.

• 1:26:20Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:26:21Speaker 01

  And then immediate, it is just, it is dropping so fast.

• 1:26:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:26:26Speaker 01

  And it's hit zero.

• 1:26:28Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:26:29Speaker 01

  And I was like, I wonder if I can keep going.

• 1:26:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:34Speaker 01

  I don't think it's smart. Let me pull over and, and see. So I got off in Culver City. Still extremely far. I had not made it very far.

• 1:26:42Dax Shepard?

  Almost worse, maybe. Now you're in that tangled web of traffic.

• 1:26:46Speaker 01

  Exactly. So I get up, I go into this parking lot and luckily my dad had forced me over Christmas to buy this basically.

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Air pump.

• 1:26:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:26:59Speaker 01

  And it's really cool. It's digital. You like plug it in. It tells you what the pressure is and you can fill it up.

• 1:27:04Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:27:05Speaker 01

  So it did say zero and I tried to fill it up and it could only get to five.

• 1:27:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:27:10Speaker 01

  So it was clear there was a big issue here.

• 1:27:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, big gash or big hole.

• 1:27:14Speaker 01

  Then I am really like deflated, defeated. I'm in fucking Culver City. It time is a ticking.

• 1:27:24Dax Shepard?

  It's gonna get worse and worse and worse.

• 1:27:26Speaker 01

  Exactly. Traffic is just gonna get so bad. I don't really know what to do. Um, cause big grievance, cars don't have spare tires anymore.

• 1:27:37Dax Shepard?

  Right. I mean, you probably could have driven.

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  Okay, but I couldn't have because I ended up having to move the car to another parking spot because this woman was mad at me.

• 1:27:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  And then, and it was like so bad driving from one parking spot to the other.

• 1:27:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:27:56Speaker 01

  Cause these are drive flat tires. The idea, what's it called?

• 1:28:00Dax Shepard?

  Run flats.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  Sorry, run flat tires. It's the idea is that you can go like 50 miles on low, whatever. But that's not true. I couldn't even go one parking spot over. Anyway, this was all horrible. I didn't know what to do. I texted you. I called you. You were on Kristen's set.

• 1:28:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  And then you were texting me, um, some places I could take the car, but I was like, oh God, then I'm gonna be stuck in Culver City. Like this is a disaster.

• 1:28:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  Luckily my dad forced me to get AAA. Actually, he pays for it. I, I know. It's really sweet. Um, and he, and so I called AAA and it says it's gonna be an hour. I was like, oh my God. Just, I wanna die, you know?

• 1:28:48Dax Shepard?

  This free day was robbed from you. Let's just say.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  Yes, but I'm also like, but I have to like, I have to get it. I gotta do work. What am I gonna do?

• 1:28:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:57Speaker 01

  And it says it's gonna be an hour away and then it's not. It's only 15 minutes.

• 1:29:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 1:29:03Speaker 01

  That's fantastic. Yes. But the thing is, we decide, you help me decide that the smartest thing to do is for us to tow the car to our area.

• 1:29:14Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. To a tire shop.

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  A tire shop.

• 1:29:16Dax Shepard?

  To go see John at American.

• 1:29:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:29:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, who I love. Yeah.

• 1:29:19Speaker 01

  You know, and you love. And so I was like, God, I'm gonna be in this car with this stranger.

• 1:29:24Dax Shepard?

  I didn't even know they let you ride with tow truck.

• 1:29:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. You can.

• 1:29:29Dax Shepard?

  You can?

• 1:29:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:29Dax Shepard?

  Wow, okay. I feel like a big liability, but yeah.

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  Right. But yeah, so, so I'm like, I'm gonna have to be in a car with this stranger for like an hour and a half.

• 1:29:39Dax Shepard?

  Cause you're last.

• 1:29:39Speaker 01

  Well, I had already worried about that. I was like, what if I tonka? And then I have to pull, like, what am I gonna do? Anyway, so this man comes to pick me up and he gets out of the truck and he's like, what happened? I was like, oh no, this is already a disaster. And I was like, well, he was like, did you hit something? I said, I maybe, I don't know, probably. Yeah. Well, no, it was more like, I don't know. What happened, sir?

• 1:30:08Dax Shepard?

  I don't even know how I drive this thing.

• 1:30:10Speaker 01

  I am just a little girl. And then he said, okay. And he, you know, puts it up there and I get in his car. And then I share my location with Jess, cause I was like, I just, this is uncomf- like, I'm about to be in a that's scary to me, being in a car with a stranger. And I was very skeptical.

• 1:30:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Even if they're working for a.

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  I know, but you just never know. And so then he starts talking immediately. He's chatty.

• 1:30:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:36Speaker 01

  You know, well, first he says, how long did you have to wait? I said, oh, not long at all. Oh, good. And then he like goes into a very long spiel about sometimes people have to wait hours. It's not his fault. It's because the line didn't train, you know, he didn't get the call. And then his son calls, he takes the call with the son, he then tells me.

• 1:30:54Dax Shepard?

  He's 70, you say?

• 1:30:55Speaker 01

  He's around, I would guess 70, I learned. Um.

• 1:30:59Dax Shepard?

  Although he's black, so he could have been 90.

• 1:31:01Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 1:31:02Dax Shepard?

  Right, because they age so much better than.

• 1:31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but his son is like thirty.

• 1:31:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so yeah, okay, maybe sixty five.

• 1:31:08Speaker 01

  I'm not sure. So he then tells me about his son and he's worried about his son, but he's doing good, but he's worried. He does have some mental health problems. And then we talk the whole ride. He's going three miles an hour.

• 1:31:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, sure.

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  So I did.

• 1:31:25Dax Shepard?

  He's concentrating on the chat.

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  A little bit. And I did think, oh, my God, because we, the shop closed at five. This was around three. And I was like, I don't know that we're even gonna make it. So, you know, I'm having a lot of this turmoil of, oh, like, I just don't want to be here. Yes, I don't want to be here. I'm stuck here. This is fucking sucks. My day is ruined.

• 1:31:50Dax Shepard?

  Terrible free day.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  Yep. And, and then I'm like, I gotta like, start doing email or talking to someone. And, and then he's, he said, his name is Ted.

• 1:32:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:01Speaker 01

  Says, you know, kind of kids these days are really addicted to their phones. And he'll have a lot of people on that are just, you know, they're addicted to their phones. And so I was like.

• 1:32:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he judo'd you.

• 1:32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, I can't, I need to be present here.

• 1:32:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:18Speaker 01

  And then he said some really sweet stuff about he likes being the part of people's day. Like it's, you know, their day has gone bad.

• 1:32:25Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 1:32:26Speaker 01

  And he likes to.

• 1:32:26Dax Shepard?

  He's the solution.

• 1:32:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, he likes to help people. And then I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna be present for Ted.

• 1:32:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:32Speaker 01

  Not gonna answer the phone. And we talked the whole way.

• 1:32:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and then.

• 1:32:36Speaker 01

  He was so.

• 1:32:36Dax Shepard?

  He really liked it.

• 1:32:37Speaker 01

  So, so nice and kind and sweet and lovely. And it was a bottle episode.

• 1:32:46Dax Shepard?

  And it mostly took place in the car, very cheap to shoot.

• 1:32:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. And, uh, yeah, he told me all these, all these sweet stories about his life. And, um, I just really, really enjoy Ted. Well, first he said. First he, he looked at me and he said, "You're Filipino."

• 1:33:04Dax Shepard?

  Yup.

• 1:33:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I said, "No, no, I'm not Indian." He said, "I, I knew that. I should, I know that."

• 1:33:10Dax Shepard?

  See, this is where I'm jealous of people that are minorities, because you're, you're free to guess.

• 1:33:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:13Speaker 01

  I wasn't offended.

• 1:33:14Dax Shepard?

  Exactly.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:15Dax Shepard?

  Because he's black, you're like, "Great."

• 1:33:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and he was so good-hearted.

• 1:33:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so am I, Monica.

• 1:33:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are, you are, you are, you are. But anyway, he, he said that-

• 1:33:30Dax Shepard?

  Hold on a second, let me see if I can see Filipino. I can, I can see it a little bit.

• 1:33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, can you, Rob?

• 1:33:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I can see it a little bit.

• 1:33:36Speaker 01

  You can?

• 1:33:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well-

• 1:33:38Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:33:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Filipinos have uncharacteristically big, round eyes for Asians.

• 1:33:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:33:46Dax Shepard?

  Right, Rob? Yup. Yeah, we can say that.

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:33:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:50Speaker 01

  Because Rob is part-

• 1:33:51Dax Shepard?

  There should be an AI.

• 1:33:52Speaker 01

  People forget Rob is part Filipino, according to him.

• 1:33:56Dax Shepard?

  He's 25% Filipino. My wife is half Filipino and her family's all Filipinos.

• 1:33:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, and so you decided you are also the-

• 1:34:02Dax Shepard?

  He's our resident expert on Filipinos.

• 1:34:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, so anyway, he, he had, uh, he thought I was Filipino. I said, "No, Indian." He said, "No, I knew that, I knew that." He was really upset with himself that he had messed that up, but then he said, "Yeah, but like, kind of like, you could be anything." I was like, "Yeah, I could be anything," you know? And then, um-

• 1:34:20Dax Shepard?

  Couldn't we all?

• 1:34:22Speaker 01

  So, he told me all these sweet stories and about blessings and, you know, he-

• 1:34:28Dax Shepard?

  Stuff he knew about India, or?

• 1:34:29Speaker 01

  No, just in general blessings in life. And he gave his step-granddaughter, who he's calls, who calls him his dad. He's very close to her.

• 1:34:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:42Speaker 01

  She was moving from elementary school to middle school and she needed new clothes. And so he, she asked her dad for these, for money.

• 1:34:52Dax Shepard?

  Her grandpa dad.

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  And he was like, "Ah, I didn't know what to do, because I only had $250 in my bank account." I wasn't, you know, doing very well then, but I gave her $200. It's like, "Oh, damn."

• 1:35:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, now you're like, "I'm a terrible person."

• 1:35:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:08Speaker 01

  I thought, "Oh." Like, when he was telling me this story, I really thought, "The world did this today."

• 1:35:15Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:35:16Speaker 01

  The world made me stop. And have a real conversation with a real person living a real life.

• 1:35:24Dax Shepard?

  Got real.

• 1:35:25Speaker 01

  Real challenges and is also like so beautiful, has this great optimistic view on life. And here I am like, I can't go do my edit, like so fucking dumb and, and.

• 1:35:40Dax Shepard?

  My free day is ruined.

• 1:35:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. All I got was chicken sandwich.

• 1:35:44Dax Shepard?

  And this facial.

• 1:35:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, yeah, he, it was like, I, I was supposed to.

• 1:35:51Dax Shepard?

  He was a perspective.

• 1:35:52Speaker 01

  I was supposed to meet Ted. I really was supposed to meet Ted.

• 1:35:55Dax Shepard?

  But he also go, I want to hear about the romantic stuff.

• 1:35:58Speaker 01

  Okay. So he, he said, he, he said, but it was a blessing. It was, he couldn't believe it because the next day. Also, there's a lot of in-between parts of the story. A woman he was seeing at the time ended up taking the, the grandbaby shopping. Um, because he didn't go, he didn't want to go. He asked the mom if the new girlfriend could go. And then it turns out she needed a bra, so he was glad he didn't go.

• 1:36:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's.

• 1:36:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were all happy for Ted that he didn't have to go endure that.

• 1:36:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  And then, um, the next day, an old friend calls, just catching up. And then the old friend says, oh, hey, man, you know what? I owe you $200. He was like, I was shocked.

• 1:36:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  Because I'd just given this money and then I got it back.

• 1:36:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:44Speaker 01

  It was a beautiful story. Anyway, had a great, great hour and a half long ride with Ted.

• 1:36:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  I, I, I succumbed to the situation. I was like, you know what? Here I am.

• 1:36:54Dax Shepard?

  He surrendered.

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  Correct. I surrendered. I succumbed. I accepted.

• 1:37:00Dax Shepard?

  You succumbed?

• 1:37:00Speaker 01

  I think that's a word you can say. So then, you know, oh, at one point he says, you look 25, but because we had talked about my parents. You know, we, we know each other so well now.

• 1:37:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:12Speaker 01

  So he, he knew my parents' ages. So he said, you look 25, but you're what? Probably, and then you're like, maybe you're 35. And I said, I'm 37. And he said, wow, yeah, wow. And then, you know, then by then, when we were pulling up, I am glad this happened at the end.

• 1:37:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:37:26Speaker 01

  We were pulling up to John, John's shop.

• 1:37:30Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 1:37:31Speaker 01

  And he said. Do you have kids? And I said, no, I don't. And he said, oh, man. No, you gotta have kids. You gotta have a, you gotta have, you gotta have a girl that looks just like you. And I was like, that's really sweet, Ted. Thank you. And he said, but you have a husband.

• 1:37:48Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:37:49Speaker 01

  And I said, no, I don't have a husband. And then he almost drove the truck off the road.

• 1:37:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I bet.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  He really, he really was surprised by that. And he said, well, then everyone's dumb or blind.

• 1:38:03Dax Shepard?

  There we go.

• 1:38:04Speaker 01

  Which was very, very, very nice. And I said, well, that's sweet. But, you know, I was like, well, part of it's me, you know?

• 1:38:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good. You took a little ownership over this.

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I said, well, I, I work hard and I'm busy and I don't really, you know, date that much. And then he said, I said, so, you know, part of that's me. He said, well, are you tough? And I was like, yeah, I'm tough and I have high expectations. And I said, and also.

• 1:38:30Dax Shepard?

  What if he said, do you not clean house? Is that?

• 1:38:32Speaker 01

  No, he was very progressive, as you're about, you're about to hear. I said, well, you know, also, a lot of men are threatened by accomplished women. And he said, I've been hearing this. I've been hearing this and I really don't understand it. I don't understand why, if you, if you couldn't be with the smart woman, why we, why wouldn't you be with the smart woman?

• 1:38:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:38:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. So he gave me his phone number and he, and he said, maybe we could go to lunch. Yeah. And he said, and he said, we could maybe go to lunch sometime.

• 1:39:02Dax Shepard?

  He's like, oh, my God.

• 1:39:03Speaker 01

  He wasn't asking me out. He wasn't asking me out. He just wants to maybe, we could develop some sort of relationship where we go to lunch.

• 1:39:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:12Speaker 01

  And, um, and I said, yeah, absolutely. And then I gave him a tip.

• 1:39:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:39:17Speaker 01

  And he was, he like, you know, took the money and he said, I'm gonna save a lot of this for our lunch.

• 1:39:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:39:25Dax Shepard?

  I love him.

• 1:39:26Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 1:39:27Dax Shepard?

  I love him.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  He's the nicest person I've ever met.

• 1:39:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:30Speaker 01

  I think when I told Jess's story, he said, this is when you like, you do the review and you're like Ted was great. And they say Ted's been dead for eight years.

• 1:39:43Dax Shepard?

  Ted stopped driving for us in oh six when he passed.

• 1:39:46Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:39:47Dax Shepard?

  He's like a ghost.

• 1:39:48Speaker 01

  He's a ghost angel.

• 1:39:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a ghost angel.

• 1:39:50Speaker 01

  It was a beautiful experience.

• 1:39:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:39:53Speaker 01

  And I was really, I was really grateful for it.

• 1:39:55Dax Shepard?

  Good.

• 1:39:56Speaker 01

  And I needed it. I needed it.

• 1:39:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you learned a lesson by the end of the bottle episode.

• 1:40:00Speaker 01

  I do. You always do.

• 1:40:01Dax Shepard?

  You gotta learn a lesson. You forget it the next episode, but you do learn it.

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. This morning I woke up and I was like, fuck, I didn't do anything I was supposed to do.

• 1:40:09Dax Shepard?

  I'm not Filipino, you racist motherfucker.

• 1:40:12Speaker 01

  I know. So, yeah, and I decided to give in to the rest of the day. I didn't do any of the things I was supposed to do. I didn't answer any emails.

• 1:40:20Dax Shepard?

  I don't know why I thought of this, maybe because this story is so sweet. And then I just naturally have to think of something terrible.

• 1:40:25Speaker 01

  Go ahead.

• 1:40:26Dax Shepard?

  What if he had said, he's talking about the, and then I, so I sent my girlfriend to go, take her shopping and that worked out, you know, but unfortunately we, we broke up. She said my penis was too big for her.

• 1:40:41Speaker 01

  Ted would never say that. Ted would never say that.

• 1:40:48Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:41:00Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if anyone's ever said they broke up with someone though, because their partner just thought their penis. Well, I think it really has happened now, whether you would say that or not.

• 1:41:08Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not going to give too many details, but I do know a tangential story of someone. Who spoke of their ex-boyfriend and said,

• 1:41:18Dax Shepard?

  His dick was too big.

• 1:41:18Speaker 01

  He had such a big dick.

• 1:41:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I've heard that.

• 1:41:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's up for everyone.

• 1:41:23Speaker 01

  I think I'm gonna say too, too big is worse than too small.

• 1:41:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, but it's painful.

• 1:41:28Speaker 01

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 1:41:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's a part of, um, not Best in Show, but Waiting for Guffman. Where he had to get penis reduction surgery.

• 1:41:36Speaker 01

  I don't remember that.

• 1:41:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:38Speaker 01

  I should re-watch that. Anyway, let's not mire this sweet story about Ted. Um, he didn't say anything like that and he was a beautiful man. And I'm grateful I met him.

• 1:41:49Dax Shepard?

  I guess my only update is I had a first date. That went really, really well.

• 1:41:53Speaker 01

  I want to hear all about this. So real quick, I do want to just say publicly, I just want to thank you for helping me.

• 1:41:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my pleasure.

• 1:42:00Speaker 01

  Cause you did help me a lot.

• 1:42:02Dax Shepard?

  Very helpful. Your interests are not things I can generally help with.

• 1:42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42:07Dax Shepard?

  You're never calling me like.

• 1:42:08Speaker 01

  Jeans to buy and stuff?

• 1:42:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like, oh my God, they didn't have the sweater. Don't you know a guy? I don't, right? I don't know anything about any of that.

• 1:42:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42:15Dax Shepard?

  But yes, if you have a tire problem, like on it, here's three places by you. Here's my guy, John. I text John, this car is coming, so get this tire already ordered, you know?

• 1:42:25Speaker 01

  That's why it's perfect because I don't need you for jeans. Like I have my own expertise there. But when I'm sitting in the parking lot of a Sprouts in Culver City and I'm like, I guess I live here now.

• 1:42:38Dax Shepard?

  Seeger's?

• 1:42:39Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:42:40Dax Shepard?

  Should have went and killed a couple cans of Ted Seeger's.

• 1:42:43Speaker 01

  I, when I think like, I guess I live here now in this parking lot.

• 1:42:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right, right. This is my new reality.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  Then it is very helpful to have someone who knows how to help get me out of there.

• 1:42:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my pleasure.

• 1:42:56Speaker 01

  I appreciate it.

• 1:42:56Dax Shepard?

  I wish you had more flat tires, not for you, but for my usefulness.

• 1:43:00Speaker 01

  I only need one Ted experience like once every 10 years.

• 1:43:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, alright. I'll hear from you again in 2035.

• 1:43:05Speaker 01

  Anyway, so you had a great date.

• 1:43:07Dax Shepard?

  I had a date, yeah. A Sunday date, which is a very fun day to have a date. And, um, my.

• 1:43:15Dax Shepard?

  My date was Walton.

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  Walton Goggins.

• 1:43:17Dax Shepard?

  Walton Goggins, goggle glasses, Uncle Baby Billy's Polly Ball Bunglers. And he had worked like 90 hours that week. You know, he's shooting Fallout, which is a real show to shoot. I mean, he's in makeup for hours. He's on cables.

• 1:43:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:33Dax Shepard?

  So I think the mood was right. Like, I think he was just so grateful to have a fucking day off. And to chill and to sauna and to hot tub. And you never know how these first dates are gonna go.

• 1:43:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:45Dax Shepard?

  And it was just really fun. But then we got in a zone in the hot tub. I bet we were in the hot tub together for an hour and a half. Just really.

• 1:43:52Speaker 01

  Shriveled up.

• 1:43:53Dax Shepard?

  Digging in, yeah. Pruned up. And, uh, yeah, it was just really wonderful. We have so many similar vibey things. So I think that's my full update on life is I had a really fun date and I look forward to more. And then I found out last night while we were texting that we both worship Wailin Jennings. This is just really going well.

• 1:44:13Speaker 01

  Did you, you show watch his Architectural Digest?

• 1:44:16Dax Shepard?

  There's a video of it?

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  Yes, they do video, they do house tours of cool houses.

• 1:44:21Dax Shepard?

  I saw pictures of the Architectural Digest thing, the house in Hudson Valley. There's a video.

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  Gorgeous. It's gorgeous.

• 1:44:27Dax Shepard?

  He's so neat. He's like been obsessed, I learned on Sunday. Like, he used to just, when he was a broke actor, he spent almost all of his time, free time in these furniture stores of these really fancy furnitures and different, like, home decor places.

• 1:44:44Speaker 01

  Art.

• 1:44:44Dax Shepard?

  And he'd just spend a bunch of time there and they'd say to him like, what, this is your, like, 10th time in here. He's like, yeah, yeah, I can't afford to buy anything, but I just love this stuff. And then a couple of really beautiful things where the one dude was like, well, how much you have in your pocket? And sold him something for crazy cheap.

• 1:44:59Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:45:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so he's, he's so genuinely.

• 1:45:02Speaker 01

  I used to go to lots of home stores before I could afford it. No one offered me any.

• 1:45:07Dax Shepard?

  You gotta go 30 days in a row and then they gotta wanna get rid of you. And like, what is it in here you could walk out with? And then I wanna see you again.

• 1:45:15Speaker 01

  Oh, how sweet. Yeah, he has great taste.

• 1:45:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:45:18Speaker 01

  Fantastic taste.

• 1:45:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what a stylish dude.

• 1:45:20Speaker 05

  Did you notice what's behind you, Monica?

• 1:45:23Speaker 01

  Oh, shit. Yeah. Okay. Rob has an update.

• 1:45:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:45:29Speaker 01

  He went back to the coffee shop.

• 1:45:31Speaker 05

  They only had one left.

• 1:45:33Speaker 01

  Oh, he went back to the coffee shop and he got this merch that says Atelier BF.

• 1:45:40Speaker 05

  Vincent was with me and thought it was for him and.

• 1:45:43Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:45:45Speaker 05

  Kept asking him when he gets his present.

• 1:45:47Speaker 01

  Rob.

• 1:45:49Dax Shepard?

  This happened before with us, Rob.

• 1:45:51Speaker 05

  Did it?

• 1:45:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes, there's this very similar. Oh, it was when we were at the Descanso Gardens.

• 1:46:01Speaker 01

  Calvin was there.

• 1:46:02Dax Shepard?

  Calvin, he bought something or my girls bought something and they gave it to.

• 1:46:05Speaker 01

  It was a lollipop and he gave it to me.

• 1:46:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. And then you had to go rebuy it, right?

• 1:46:10Speaker 05

  Calvin, I told him to get one thing from the gift shop. He got a lollipop and he gave it to Monica.

• 1:46:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:15Dax Shepard?

  Right. I knew I remembered it. And then you had to sneak back in and get another.

• 1:46:18Speaker 01

  Your kids are the sweetest. It is. It is really. I feel bad that we aren't giving this to Vinnie.

• 1:46:25Speaker 05

  He's got a really good one. Million stuffy. If it weren't for that, I'd give him it, but.

• 1:46:29Dax Shepard?

  It's good for our spoiled kids to not get something every now and then. But wow.

• 1:46:33Speaker 01

  And what is this?

• 1:46:35Speaker 05

  I think it's a like Sasquatch. The box says.

• 1:46:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:46:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I keep holding up to me because I'm getting something. I'm really getting something.

• 1:46:46Speaker 05

  Like one of three best friends?

• 1:46:48Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, we can collect?

• 1:46:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I know what it looks like. It looks like Alf. Turn it around and stare at the nose. It really is Alf adjacent.

• 1:46:57Speaker 01

  This is Mocha. It says Barista Mocha and Designer Fluffy Boy and Brown are longtime best friends.

• 1:47:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:47:06Speaker 01

  Brown. So maybe, okay, Rob is Mocha, you're Fluffy Boy and I'm Brown.

• 1:47:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 1:47:13Speaker 01

  Wow, that's really cute.

• 1:47:15Dax Shepard?

  You're both Filipino and I'm still over here as a caucasoid.

• 1:47:20Speaker 01

  Um, anyhow, well.

• 1:47:22Dax Shepard?

  Maybe one of my daughters will marry someone.

• 1:47:25Speaker 01

  And then.

• 1:47:26Dax Shepard?

  And then that'll make me 12% or whatever.

• 1:47:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, all right. Well, we're a little bit on a time crunch. I did do a, yeah, we'll save that for next time. No, we'll save for next time. Um, okay. So this is for Ike. We just love Ike so much. Now you said, there's a saying 10 feet tall in something. Um, there's a, and then you said, and bulletproof, question mark. There's a song called 10 Feet Tall and Bulletproof. It's by Travis Tritt, 1994. There's also a ding ding ding. Quote from Eastbound and Down, 10 feet tall and strong as an ox.

• 1:48:06Dax Shepard?

  Nice, kind of a hybrid.

• 1:48:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. Richest man in Mexico, Carlos Slim.

• 1:48:12Dax Shepard?

  Still?

• 1:48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:14Dax Shepard?

  His wealth has fluctuated. Oh, you want to do a crypto?

• 1:48:19Dax Shepard?

  Bitcoin?

• 1:48:20Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:48:20Dax Shepard?

  Boy, I wonder what it's at.

• 1:48:21Speaker 01

  Cost of Bitcoin is 85,675.

• 1:48:26Dax Shepard?

  That's a little lower or had it gone? What was the, the nadir of it so far?

• 1:48:30Speaker 01

  Well, I don't remember the lowest it's gone so far, but it's, it's been declining.

• 1:48:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:38Speaker 01

  Okay, now, what is EBITDA?

• 1:48:43Dax Shepard?

  Hmm, EBITDA.

• 1:48:45Speaker 01

  A company's earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization. That's a hard word for me, amortization.

• 1:48:52Dax Shepard?

  Amortization?

• 1:48:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:48:53Dax Shepard?

  I like to say amortized. Oh, that reminds me. I went to Lauren Graham's birthday party.

• 1:48:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:48:57Dax Shepard?

  And her father was there, who we spoke about a bunch, right?

• 1:49:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:00Dax Shepard?

  Who learned Vietnamese when he was in.

• 1:49:02Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:49:03Dax Shepard?

  College and went over to Vietnam.

• 1:49:05Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:49:06Dax Shepard?

  And I was having to explain this to numerous people I was sitting with, and I kept saying it wrong. And I thought, God, this is so rough for him because he.

• 1:49:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:15Dax Shepard?

  Speaks it.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it'd be like if you were around me and you kept calling it MDN.

• 1:49:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it'd be offensive. And I try my hardest. Um, one neat thing he taught me about Vietnamese is that.

• 1:49:29Dax Shepard?

  You can say the same five words. Like, they're the same five words. But it's your tone that changes the word dramatically. So you could say the same sentence, but if you don't have the tone. And then it kind of explained when I'm listening to them speak, it does sound really kind of all over the map tonally.

• 1:49:50Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:49:51Dax Shepard?

  And that's because that's how they're changing the meaning of the word.

• 1:49:54Speaker 01

  That's so cool.

• 1:49:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:56Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 1:49:57Dax Shepard?

  He gave some great examples of like, the same sentence means this if you're up here. And then that means this if you're down here.

• 1:50:03Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. Okay, is prageria when you're aging really quickly? Yes. Rare genetic disorder that causes premature aging in children.

• 1:50:12Dax Shepard?

  I hate that disease.

• 1:50:13Speaker 01

  I know. Who was the other person in Jeopardy semifinals with Ike? There was Ben Chan and then Jared Watson. He was the other one.

• 1:50:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Jared Watson. By the way, Jackie B.

• 1:50:30Dax Shepard?

  Neil deGrasse Tyson.

• 1:50:32Speaker 01

  I'm so proud of Jackie. That's awesome.

• 1:50:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:35Speaker 01

  He said 1995 Bill Clinton signed National Hugs Act. That was a joke.

• 1:50:39Dax Shepard?

  That's not real.

• 1:50:40Speaker 01

  It's not real. And I'm sad about it.

• 1:50:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:43Speaker 01

  I wish it was real.

• 1:50:44Dax Shepard?

  Although an excuse for a lot of unwanted hugs. If it's a national. People are like, I'm so sorry. I just gotta do this.

• 1:50:51Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 1:50:51Dax Shepard?

  Honk honk honk. Aruga, aruga. Tune in Tokyo. National hugs.

• 1:50:57Speaker 01

  Yep. I guess we did dodge a bullet there. Okay, did Marilyn Manson?

• 1:51:02Dax Shepard?

  You did, not me.

• 1:51:03Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think you would like some person coming up to you randomly going honk honk, tune in Tokyo.

• 1:51:08Dax Shepard?

  Aruga.

• 1:51:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:51:11Dax Shepard?

  If they throw an aruga my way, I might be able to deal with it.

• 1:51:14Speaker 01

  Okay, did Marilyn Manson take his ribs out so he could suck his own dick? No.

• 1:51:19Dax Shepard?

  To hear you say it that way is really funny.

• 1:51:21Speaker 01

  He didn't do it.

• 1:51:22Dax Shepard?

  He didn't do that.

• 1:51:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:24Dax Shepard?

  It turns out he could suck his own dick with all of his words in place.

• 1:51:26Speaker 01

  Didn't need to remove any.

• 1:51:27Dax Shepard?

  What a bizarre urban legend.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  Did Bruce Springsteen kiss Clarence Clements?

• 1:51:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:51:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:51:33Dax Shepard?

  They did.

• 1:51:35Speaker 01

  They kissed many times.

• 1:51:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they kissed all the time.

• 1:51:37Speaker 01

  At the end of the song Thunder Road. Clarence said that it just happened spontaneously the first time because Bruce was kneeling down by him. They loved each other like brothers and it just seemed natural. Then I guess they made it into a thing. Okay, he talked about eating a gigantic sandwich.

• 1:51:52Dax Shepard?

  Right, during the writers sessions with Mindy and Dave.

• 1:51:56Speaker 01

  He was talking about that sandwich.

• 1:51:58Dax Shepard?

  He can sell it.

• 1:51:58Speaker 01

  I wanted it so bad and then I ate, I got a gigantic sandwich immediately after he left.

• 1:52:03Dax Shepard?

  Dagwood?

• 1:52:03Speaker 01

  No, it was turkey. What's a Dagwood?

• 1:52:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you should look it up, but it's just an enormous sandwich. My grandmother used to say, you do want a Dagwood? And it was just like, it would be seven inches tall with like lettuce and tomato and this and that.

• 1:52:17Speaker 05

  Tall, tall, multi-layered sandwich made with a variety of meats, cheeses and condiments.

• 1:52:21Speaker 01

  But is it different than a sub?

• 1:52:23Dax Shepard?

  Dagwood.

• 1:52:24Speaker 05

  It's taller with just like regular.

• 1:52:26Dax Shepard?

  More vertical.

• 1:52:27Speaker 05

  Bread.

• 1:52:27Dax Shepard?

  Like the house is on the border of Kentucky and Cincinnati.

• 1:52:30Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't think the bread matters, but like a typical loaf.

• 1:52:33Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting. Okay. Anyway, I think he could sell sandwiches like as a second career.

• 1:52:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he could do anything.

• 1:52:40Speaker 01

  Just by saying, I ate a sandwich, like it really got me. Okay, who's the Rat Race actor who looks like Ike? His name is Vince V. Louf.

• 1:52:51Dax Shepard?

  Vince V. Louf.

• 1:52:52Speaker 01

  V. I. E. L. U. F. Is fucking through a sheet.

• 1:52:56Dax Shepard?

  Hot?

• 1:52:57Speaker 01

  Well, that is no question, yes.

• 1:53:00Dax Shepard?

  TBD.

• 1:53:01Speaker 01

  But no, is it a thing in the Hasidic Jewish community? No. Let's just put that to rest.

• 1:53:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:07Speaker 01

  It's not.

• 1:53:07Dax Shepard?

  Let's bring it up in five months.

• 1:53:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, we will.

• 1:53:09Dax Shepard?

  Different guests.

• 1:53:10Speaker 01

  And then Measal Tov, you say at the end of the episode, that's an old callback. He used to say it all the time. Our early listeners will remember it well.

• 1:53:20Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 1:53:20Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:53:21Dax Shepard?

  I was on Twitter still.

• 1:53:22Speaker 01

  You weren't saying it because measles have had an outbreak. You, it was an old callback. Um, that's it.

• 1:53:29Dax Shepard?

  That was everything. Okay. Let me shout it from the rooftops. I love Ike Baron.

• 1:53:34Speaker 01

  Oh, me too.

• 1:53:34Dax Shepard?

  I think he might be the perfect person.

• 1:53:36Speaker 01

  He's a great person.

• 1:53:37Dax Shepard?

  Cause he does, he's kind of like, remember when Jonah Nolan rolled up and you're like, this guy's a genius? Same with Ike. That's so-

• 1:53:45Speaker 01

  Mixed messies.

• 1:53:46Dax Shepard?

  I love that.

• 1:53:47Speaker 01

  We love mixed messies.

• 1:53:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. All right.

• 1:53:49Speaker 01

  All right, love you.

• 1:53:50Dax Shepard?

  Love you.