Malala Yousafzai (education activist)

Malala Yousafzai (Finding My Way, I Am Malala, He Named Me Malala) is an education activist, Nobel Prize laureate, and author. Malala joins the Armchair Expert to discuss having a relatively normal life until a militant organization took over her valley in Pakistan, becoming an activist simply to respond to her new oppressive reality, and how lucky she was to have a male ally in her father. Malala and Dax talk about feeling like a fish out of water in a new school after her attack, winning the Nobel Peace Prize at 17 years old, and not being a good student at Oxford because she was more interested in a social life. Malala explains the go-cart meet cute with her now-husband, why girls’ education is the solution to so many world problems including climate change, and coming to the understanding that true bravery is when you go through lows and still stand up for what you believe in. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert, Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Today, we have Malala Yousafzai.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:09Dax Shepard?

  And guys, this is a message to me. Not, most listeners will be like, oh, I can't wait to listen.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 0:14Dax Shepard?

  But for pieces of shit like me.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:16Dax Shepard?

  That are like, I don't necessarily want to go on a super emotional ride. I just want to say, this is the version of Malala that is the fun, playful, college student, coming of age version.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, human.

• 0:32Dax Shepard?

  Yes, which is really shockingly fun and uplifting and I loved.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Love.

• 0:39Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't want to, I want to be clear. I read her book and I love it, it's very important.

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:44Dax Shepard?

  I'm not saying I'm not up for that story, but just, you know.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  This is a different version of her.

• 0:49Dax Shepard?

  It's a different side of Malala, which was a really fun side to get.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  It was great, it was great.

• 0:54Dax Shepard?

  She's a rascal.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  I know, she's so fun.

• 0:57Dax Shepard?

  She's a playful rascal. Uh, she's an education activist, she's the youngest ever Nobel laureate, bestselling author, and award-winning film producer. Her books are I Am Malala, We Are Displaced, Malala's Magic Pencil, and now her memoir, Finding My Way, which is really from the moment we all kind of knew her, to her trying to attempt to have a normal college life.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:24Dax Shepard?

  In England.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Falling in love. Oh, it's really special.

• 1:30Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy Malala Yousafzai. This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier. Whether you're shopping online or in-store, look for the Apple Pay button or contactless symbol at checkout. No more digging for your wallet or filling out long online checkout forms. It works at millions of places, including stores, websites, and apps. This means you can spend less time at checkout and more time finding the perfect gifts. Pay the Apple way. Terms apply. We get support from Quince.

• 2:05Speaker 01

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• 2:14Dax Shepard?

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• 2:37Speaker 01

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• 2:54Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 3:05Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:05Speaker 01

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• 3:23Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 3:59Speaker 01

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• 4:11Dax Shepard?

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• 4:26Speaker 01

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• 4:30Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 4:47Dax Shepard?

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• 5:29Speaker 02

  I'm actually so excited to be here.

• 5:30Dax Shepard?

  No, you're not.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Yes, I am.

• 5:32Dax Shepard?

  You are not. You hate press. You're so sick of it.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  We're so excited to have you.

• 5:38Dax Shepard?

  Are you two old friends?

• 5:40Speaker 02

  You and Hannah. Technically, yes. Hannah joined Malala Fund many, many years ago. She helped me with my work outside Malala Fund as well.

• 5:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Production company. Then she left me.

• 5:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no. Why did she do that?

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  To start a podcast with your husband? Because I can relate.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  But she's helping me on this.

• 6:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. How long is this little tour you're on right now? It's got to be extensive, I'd imagine, for a book.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  I have many things to do, so I'm here to do some press in LA. Then I go to New York, do more press, prep for the launch. So the launch will be in New York on the 21st. The book will be out everywhere.

• 6:19Dax Shepard?

  It'll already be out, yeah.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  And then I begin my book tour.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  So then I come back, I go to every city.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 6:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I wrote down way too many notes for you. I'm now realizing we never have four page. This is too many. I wrote down, oh my God, there are five. Okay.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Already a record.

• 6:39Dax Shepard?

  So you already talked to Monica one time, yeah?

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yes, did Kristen and I, but that was Zoom and I don't count that.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  I agree. I want to meet Kristen.

• 6:48Dax Shepard?

  She's in the backyard when you're done.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  We have met, but we haven't met.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:52Dax Shepard?

  Right. We have that with a lot of people.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  In COVID, we did all Zooms and now we decided none of those count.

• 6:58Dax Shepard?

  They kind of don't count. And we'll have someone on who we had on on Zoom and when they come, we're like, this is the first time.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  The vibes in person, they're meaningful.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  But I love your podcast. I'm so excited to be here.

• 7:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 7:11Dax Shepard?

  I loved your book. I loved it so much and I cried this morning. Some of those texts between you and a sir are.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Do you think I was a bit mean to him?

• 7:24Dax Shepard?

  No, there's a difference between annoying and mean. Do I think you were annoying sometimes because you didn't know how to handle a new love?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 7:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  New first love. I mean, I never thought I would actually fall in love.

• 7:37Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  And you're probably having to integrate that yourself. That's a lot to process.

• 7:43Dax Shepard?

  Now, I don't know if you guys talked about it the first time you met, but there's some passages in your book. I wrote them out in their entirety because I'm like, this is Monica's book. She wrote this book.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Really?

• 7:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wait till you hear some of the zingers in here. There's a lot of overlap.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness. Oh, boy. I can't wait.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  How can we be so similar? What's your star sign?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Virgo.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  What are you? I'm Cancer. My husband is a Virgo.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Really?

• 8:10Dax Shepard?

  Which you read were great love mates.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Those go well together. Kristen is a Cancer.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, and she's a love mate of mine.

• 8:19Dax Shepard?

  Two of my soulmates are Cancers.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  That's right. Yeah.

• 8:22Dax Shepard?

  Kristen. Okay, so rightly so. This book is about another chapter in your life entirely. But unfortunately, I'm gonna have to bring people up to speed a little bit because I think there is some foundation that needs to be laid.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  I have so much in my life.

• 8:36Dax Shepard?

  You do. You do.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  You really do.

• 8:39Dax Shepard?

  And I only know, look, my daughters have your children's book. I've read it to them out loud. So that's kind of my knowledge of everything that happened. And then, of course, I was alive when all this went down. So I didn't miss it in the media. Anything post that I kind of don't know about. And even just this notion that you end up in like a high school in the UK with the snap of a finger is really kind of equally bizarre. But so for the folks that don't know, and I think maybe a couple of the details that people might not have already known, I don't think I knew until I read your book, is you were already kind of a political activist before any of this happened. You were blogging at 10 years old.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I became an activist at age 10. I blogged for the BBC at age 11. And I volunteered to be in the New York Times documentary when schools were closed by the Taliban. Again, I was only 11.

• 9:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were kind of already famous before this other thing. I guess I stupidly thought, oh, this is when she got a lot of attention.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  I was known in Pakistan and people had read my story. But I do think that the recognition that I received after getting attacked was very different than the recognition I had received before.

• 9:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, exponential.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:49Dax Shepard?

  But so for the folks who don't know that little chapter, your father was an educator and was a big proponent of girls being in school. You were in SWAT, this area of Pakistan.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  A very beautiful valley in the north of Pakistan. And we had a pretty normal life until this extremist militant group took over our valley. And the Taliban started imposing restrictions on women and girls, including a ban on girls' education. It affected my education directly. It affected the education of all of my female friends. Because girls could no longer go to school. They were punished if they dared to even learn. And it was very scary, dark time. And that's when my journey of activism began. It's not like I was passionate about doing something for my community from a very early age, but circumstances changed.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  So the way I became an activist was simply because I was responding to this new reality where I could not have. A future without an education and I knew I have no choice but to speak out.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't like you sought out to be an activist. You just sought out to.

• 10:55Dax Shepard?

  Stay in school.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Exactly, to speak up for yourself.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  It's not that I was researching different topics and figuring out what am I more passionate about? Let me pick this issue. It was about our future and we know that girls in our communities, especially in patriarchal societies, have very little opportunities if they do not get the complete education. They are restricted in exploring different careers. They cannot make a living for themselves. So many girls are forced into marriages.

• 11:23Dax Shepard?

  Well, it'd be right to say they're dependent on whatever the patriarch in their life tells them exists on planet Earth.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  It's your dad or your brother and then it's the husband and you just pray you find a kind man. So then you could at least have a life and dignity and it's not that of like violence and oppression. It's just a simple wish like that. I actually realized that when I started speaking to my mom more. My mom and I have struggled a bit to be friends.

• 11:49Dax Shepard?

  It's comfortingly universal.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yes, especially like till you make it to your twenties. It's a really difficult phase because I was just told off by my mom for everything. What I wear, how I dress, what I say. For her, the concern was always about what would our community in Pakistan say? She was just worried about controversies and I used to argue with her all the time. But later on, I realized that my mom was just simply trying to protect me.

• 12:15Dax Shepard?

  She was scared.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  She was scared because she had seen it in her lifetime, how girls were punished for simply daring to wear what they wanted. There was a story of a girl talking to a boy on phone. The next thing you hear is that she has been killed. In the name of honor, she has been poisoned. She has been beaten up.

• 12:35Dax Shepard?

  Well, you as a little girl were slapped by a cousin in the street because he saw you doing what?

• 12:40Speaker 02

  I was in the river and you know, your clothes get wet and then they.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Stick to you.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, stick to you. I had gone with some boys, just the local cousins, little boys, and he just slapped me. He said, why would you go? I think for him, it was just the fact that girls, as soon as they have the identity. Of being a woman, they need to be restricted to the four walls of their houses. But I must say that cousin thinks very differently now and he's a big advocate.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  But you know, that was once in a time.

• 13:08Dax Shepard?

  These things happen when you're little that form your worldview. And what you learned in that moment was, oh, an older male thinks I'm bringing shame to the family, has the authority and the right to smack me across the face in public.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  It was scary.

• 13:22Dax Shepard?

  That introduces you to what world you're living in. You're like, okay, this is life on planet earth for me.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  But I think my story is an exception, simply because my dad was very supportive.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Why was he? What about him was so different?

• 13:35Speaker 02

  He was so passionate about his own education. He saw his five sisters have completely different lives than him. They never went to school while he did. So he knew if you are born a girl, it just means you do not have the same life as a boy. So he wanted to change that and he made a commitment that he would want a different life for his daughter. He didn't stop me from speaking out while other men, fathers, actually stopped girls in our school who were stepping forward the same way as me to speak out. And even if like a cousin or somebody tried to say something about me being in media or me speaking out or being in public, my dad just would remind them that they mind their own business.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Wow. You just got lucky. He just had a great personality.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  We need male allies. We need them to stand up with us.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  And when we have compassion for your mom, reading the book, I want to give her Mel Robbins book, Let Them. That's what I want to give her. That's what she needs to read. Let them talk. It's okay. Let them all think what they're gonna.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Culture is different.

• 14:38Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say, your father had the freedom, really, that your mom didn't have in a lot of ways. So he could have the position of, yeah, mind your own business. That wasn't really a luxury your mom had. So it's kind of quite understandable why she has so much more fear.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. If a man is seen as an advocate for women, people celebrate him. It's a lot easier. It's a different story when we are praising a man. It's a very different story when we talk about women or mothers and how they are becoming allies of the next generation of women and girls. I feel like their initial. Instinct is to actually protect us, to keep us safe. For my mom, it was a whole different world to be able to advocate and change the perspectives and bring in safety. For her, the first thought was, let's do everything so that none of these horrible things happen. And if it means you obey the expected dress code, or if you just follow the customs, let's just do that because in the end, what's more important is your safety and just simply

• 15:40Speaker 02

  focus on your education, but do not cause any trouble.

• 15:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, do it quietly and do what you need to do. And in her defense, the absolute worst nightmare for a parent would be exactly what happened to you. So you got shot on a buck. So I'm sure she was like, we just barely avoided the ultimate heartbreaking life. Let's button it up. I know we care about these things, but not as much as I care about you being alive. I very much understand where she's coming from.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, after the attack, when I moved to a different country, we were now settled in the UK, a new culture.

• 16:14Dax Shepard?

  What is it, Eddington?

• 16:15Speaker 02

  No, Birmingham.

• 16:17Dax Shepard?

  Birmingham? That's so simple.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Not the Alabama one.

• 16:20Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Birmingham.

• 16:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Not Birmingham.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Birmingham.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Birmingham.

• 16:26Dax Shepard?

  Birmingham.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Birmingham.

• 16:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, right here. G H A M. Okay, it's already a really unique life. You were on the BBC, a doc was made about you, you're reporting as the Taliban is invading your town, all that's crazy. Now, even if none of that happened, another crazy thing would be to come out of a coma, having been raised in Pakistan and then being in Birmingham, UK. Do you remember how foreign that all felt to you?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yes, it was a complete shock to wake up in a different country, surrounded by people who were speaking a different language. I was very, very unfamiliar. And of course, I was grateful that I woke up and I finally opened my eyes, that I was alive. I was in this induced coma for a week and all I remembered was this last day of my school in Pakistan. And then I have these mixed memories and these visuals and pictures of attacks happening again and again. And I'm like stuck in this induced coma where I just cannot wake up. I feel like, am I dead? Am I alive? But the moment I woke up, I was so grateful. But at the same time, I was just figuring out who has brought me here? Where are my parents? When will I recover? When will I be able to get back to my old, normal life?

• 17:37Dax Shepard?

  Also, when are you learning that you are now a world figure?

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Weeks later.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  How old were you again?

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Fifteen. I had no idea. I just thought nobody even knew. So I had this tube in my neck initially, so I could not speak. So I had to write everything down. And because my vision was so blurry, I could not even write well. So every time I would just ask the nurses and doctors, where's my father? I want to meet my family. And then the second thing I would write is, who's gonna pay for my hospital?

• 18:04Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure. It looks expensive, I'm sure.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I was just so worried. I said, do I have to go and get a job or something? But my family arrived ten days later. When they joined, that was the first time I actually cried.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  It's because you're going through a trauma. You don't even know what a normal emotion is.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  You're going through so much pain that you cannot even cry. Like, how do I become that normal person that I was?

• 18:27Dax Shepard?

  You're disassociated, right? You're out of your body. And almost the crying is you re-entering your actual body.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  So I saw my family. That's the first time I cried. And even then, I thought, as soon as I'm discharged from the hospital, I'll be able to go back to Pakistan. But things changed really quickly. I was working on these different projects that I was approached with, starting Malala Fund, writing my book, giving my first speech at the UN, and then also starting a new school locally. They said, you know, we cannot let your time be wasted, so you have to get back into your education. I thought this was all temporary, but I didn't realize, before I knew it, it had been a long time when I went back to Pakistan again. But this was like a whole new pathway that my life was taking. And I was like, where is this going? Where is my old life and where am I now?

• 19:14Dax Shepard?

  Now, I find this to be the most interesting part because it's so human. So, yeah, you start this school in England and it's a disaster, right?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  I loved that school, by the way, but... What was really challenging for me was making friends.

• 19:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  I was a completely different person when I was in Pakistan.

• 19:35Dax Shepard?

  You were popular and outgoing.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Funny and mischievous. I was in every competition, debate, singing, playing cricket. I had so many friends. Now, at this new school, I felt like a stranger. I just thought nobody could ever know me. I could not be that old self of mine. I would try to have a conversation with people. You start and it dies. It's such a stressful moment. You know, you're like, I hope somebody picks up this topic and it could be a funny thing. And it just.

• 20:03Dax Shepard?

  Fell flat.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:05Dax Shepard?

  You had so much working against you. You're from another country. I can't imagine your English was bulletproof at that point.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  I mean, it was more like textbook English. Textbook English is very different than what people actually speak.

• 20:17Dax Shepard?

  You have the cultural thing. You know, the fact that you're famous, which is an awkward thing. You've also just been shot in the face. So you're not like feeling.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  I became very self-conscious. We all look at each other and we all just think sometimes, what is that person actually looking at right now?

• 20:33Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  And usually they're not, but we just think that way. But I think at school, yes, I was very self-conscious and I was thinking about the facial nerve damage on the left side because of the bullet. I just was hesitating even to smile because I now had like a crooked smile. Yeah.

• 20:49Dax Shepard?

  Malala, when I had acne, I didn't want to go to school. When I had pimples, I would not interact with anyone those days.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  It's hard enough. And you have to sort of carry the weight. People are looking to you to be like the voice of activism and you're 15 and you're in a new place and people are expecting wisdom from you. That's too much.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  I know.

• 21:09Dax Shepard?

  Thank God you were kind of delivering on that front because it's a mess at high school. You're rising to the occasion of the political stuff and making the speeches at UN. You're crushing that part of your life.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  I just thought maybe at 15, this is where I'm supposed to be, at these UN conferences, bilateral meetings with world leaders advocating for girls' education, running a foundation. I just thought maybe this is how my life is supposed to look like.

• 21:35Dax Shepard?

  I won't get this other thing.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  And to be honest, yes, I wanted all of it. I wanted to be a normal student at the same time, to have friends and to be able to express myself and to try new things. But somehow, I thought that. Maybe because I'm supposed to live this activist life, it means sacrificing. It's one or the other. Of course, I'm sad and lonely. But I thought, OK, this is how it's supposed to be.

• 22:01Dax Shepard?

  You did the cutest things to you. You enlisted on field day to run the 200 meter dash and came in last.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  I know.

• 22:08Dax Shepard?

  You did so many things. I know. It makes me love you so much.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  When this is going on and you're struggling at school, I think a lot of American kids, they would come home and tell their parents. And I feel left out. And did you feel like you could do that?

• 22:23Speaker 02

  No, I think when you are supposed to be this strong, brave, courageous girl, you feel you cannot complain about not having friends or crying alone in the bathroom to get over this or feel like, oh, I wish more people could talk to me in the school dining hall. I never really shared it with my parents. I would just go home and talk to my best friend in Pakistan. I would ask her about everything that was happening in our neighborhood with our friends and how her studies were going and just try to reconnect with my old life. And I knew that's just not a reality. I'm not there, but I used to just imagine myself being there and imagine what life would have been like if I were there. So deep inside, I wanted to make friends and just know who is that true Malala?

• 23:05Speaker 02

  And what would my life have looked like if none of these things had happened? So the day when I saw most of the students at my school talk to me was the day when I heard the news about the Nobel Peace Prize. So I had gone to school and I was not expected.

• 23:22Dax Shepard?

  You were 17 at that time?

• 23:23Speaker 02

  I was 17, yes. I was in my chemistry class. The school's deputy head teacher walks in and calls me outside and tells me that I have won the Nobel Peace Prize.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  And I'm like, wait, what? And I'm like, oh, thank you.

• 23:37Dax Shepard?

  Thank you.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:38Dax Shepard?

  Thank you.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  As if it's what she did.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  But I actually went back to my class. I finished my whole school day.

• 23:44Dax Shepard?

  In hopes that people might engage with you and show interest.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Faces were looking at me that day. You know, when you feel noticed.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, but the day after it was just back to normal. Everybody is looking that way.

• 23:59Dax Shepard?

  They were all going to McDonald's and you weren't.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Oh, man.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  What a bizarre. You're winning the Nobel Peace Prize and you're not getting invited to McDonald's. This is too much.

• 24:10Dax Shepard?

  I loved your question, Monica, about asking mom and dad. And I'm wondering, do you think part of you did not want to share that with them because you were afraid you had already put them through so much?

• 24:22Speaker 02

  My parents do worry a lot. They freak out.

• 24:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  And for them, it's just like, how could you be sad? Don't be sad.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Help me, please.

• 24:32Dax Shepard?

  This is where Monica really knows.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  This has happened many, many times. I mean, I have gone to them several times or tried to signal something. Initially, I'm like testing it. I'm like, what if something like this? They're like, why would this even happen? My dad came up to my room and he just saw I was really stressed and worried. I was worried about some work thing that was going on. And my dad was like, no, no, like, we can't see you sad. You should be happy. And I was like, Dad, can you respect my right to all of these emotions? Whether that be happiness and sadness and grumpiness. I know you want me to be happy and I understand it, but that does not mean I suppress every emotion.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  You can't.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Because I have to make you guys happy. So he's like, when you are happy, we are happy. And I'm like.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  That's too much pressure.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  That's a lot of pressure.

• 25:16Dax Shepard?

  Also, you have to go out on the road. You're still at all the conferences and doing all that stuff. And it's like, even more do you need when you get home? To be able to be the scared, lonely kid? Because you're putting on a brave face everywhere else.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  They have to be the landing spot. But culturally, I do think it's very hard.

• 25:36Dax Shepard?

  Subcontinent of you guys.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. My dad, he's come a long way. He tries. He'll be like, tell me what's going on. And I can see the panic. Before I've even said anything, he's so panicked. And then it's like, well, I can't tell you because you're gonna get so stressed out. And then that's gonna stress me out. So let's just not do any of this. And then you don't have anyone. And then sometimes my dad will be like. You need to know you can talk to us. I'm like, well, that's not the way to say it, for one. But I understand it because they grew up in such a different environment. And with a lot more struggle, they want their kids just to be happy. That's it.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I fully understand that parents want their kids to know that their happiness is everything to them. But we also want our parents to know that we go through many emotions. And sometimes it's just some space. That's all we need. It's listening. It's just you being there, but we don't have to fix it. Allow us to go through the emotion, to process it.

• 26:35Dax Shepard?

  Well, most importantly, that I would be lovable even if I'm very unhappy. Can I have my whole array of emotions and you still love me? Because that's what you want to hear.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  It's way too much pressure on a child, really at any age, to take on a grown up's emotional state. Regulating their emotions by yours is just not okay.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  The other thing which I realized was that I had taken this adult role from such an early age. I mean, like, I was looking after my family. All of a sudden, the roles had switched completely. My dad, mom, everybody had to move to a new country. So I was doing all of these things, from signing a book to a documentary, to giving speeches, so that I can make an income. And this has been forever a part of my life, to help my family and our relatives and people who need support from us in Pakistan. So there's always been that pressure as well. And I think that also somehow affected me because I thought I cannot be that child anymore. I have to be acting like an adult.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  I'm the grown up here.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 27:38Dax Shepard?

  This is all on my shoulders. You win cash for the Nobel Prize? They give you money?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, it comes with the prize.

• 27:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really? They give you some around town money?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  I think it's usually like a million euros.

• 27:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 27:48Speaker 02

  The year I won had two winners.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:51Dax Shepard?

  This is bullshit. They need to double the.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Double.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  It's okay. I know this should.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Don't say it's okay. It's not okay.

• 27:58Dax Shepard?

  It's okay. Then you can even root for the person. You want to be able to be excited for them, but not if you're giving them half your money.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  But the school that I support in my parents' village in the north of Pakistan started with the help of the Nobel. Peace Prize money.

• 28:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it did. That's was the seed money.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  That's when I started it. And in my speech, I said, I want to build a school there because right now there's no high school for girls. I want to start the first one. We need to be ambitious about bringing change in the world, but let's start from home. If we can make it happen there, there's hope that we can make it happen elsewhere. It's one of the most challenging areas. It's in the north of Pakistan, up in the mountains, and the literacy rate is so low and hardly any woman, any girl had actually graduated. There was no high school for girls, but we started it, I think, seven, eight years ago. And now that school is complete and this year, the first class graduated.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  And I met them for the first time.

• 28:49Dax Shepard?

  Ah, how great is that?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  I went to Pakistan. It was amazing. And I shared this story in the book as well. It's really, really important to me because seeing how the lives of these girls have changed because of education is the most rewarding feeling. It's just hope for the whole community. I was just looking around like the trees, the mountains, the river, everything's sort of like the same.

• 29:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  But one thing that was different in the whole village was the school. And I thought that the school had given hope to the community.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  That's so incredible.

• 29:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Okay, so your book really is a coming of age story of you entering Oxford. And as we've already set up, you know, it didn't go well in high school. And you just have the sweetest singular desire, like, I'm going to Oxford and I am gonna make friends. And it's so endearing and sweet. You know Mindy Kaling?

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so I text her yesterday, like, oh, my God, I just read Malala's new book. This is a show you would make. It's so cute.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  I have watched all her shows. Never have I ever. And the college.

• 29:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what is it, Girls Like Sex or some?

• 29:56Dax Shepard?

  Sexy College.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  No, I mean, the title is a bit long, but not what you said.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Exact Lives of College. Yes, I got her.

• 30:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you arrive at Oxford and you get a dorm. And then you decide to just kind of hit the sidewalk and start walking around and you're sweetly taking charge. You're just introducing. Yourself to people and you meet this cute girl who at first is taken back. Her name is.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Cora.

• 30:26Dax Shepard?

  I mean, you're like, oh, great. We've got one friend. And then you go to the freshers fair and just tell Monica what you do at this freshers fair. This is such a comedy set piece.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you sign up for these different clubs and societies like rowing and jumping, running, anything you can think of. There's like a club for everything.

• 30:44Dax Shepard?

  Jazz club.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Music, languages, anything. So I signed up for a few clubs, including rowing. I had never done it and I couldn't swim. I don't know why I signed up, but I did it anyway.

• 30:53Dax Shepard?

  She's signing up for everything. She left this fair, Monica.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  I was like, I want to make friends. I should be everywhere.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  But that's such a smart thing to do. I want to make friends. I gotta sign up. I gotta get myself out there.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  It was like a real formal. I want to be everywhere in this college life. There's the Oxford Union, so which is like this famous debating society at Oxford. I was signing up for that to get membership and then there was this big poster behind. And they had photos of all of these famous speakers who had previously spoken there before.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  I'm looking at all of these famous names and then I see my photo and I'm like,

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Oh, I remember I spoke here before.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  I was like so embarrassed.

• 31:34Dax Shepard?

  Little feeding frenzy. Some person wants a picture, then 10 people want a picture.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  People are like, oh, wait a second. Is that you? People started asking for photos. But my friend who I had just met.

• 31:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, your new best friend.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Best friend, yes. You're supporting me and she took some photos and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I felt so embarrassed. You know, I just do not want it to be awkward. I want my friends not to think like they're here to take photos for me.

• 31:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  She was just so chill about it and quickly we were talking about next lectures and essays. And I was like, I love it. I know that I'm meeting the right people.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 32:12Dax Shepard?

  This message is brought to you by Apple Pay. Bonnie, I can't believe it's almost the holidays. You know what that means, right?

• 32:19Speaker 01

  I sure do. My annual holiday gift guide.

• 32:22Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I love when you break out your gift suggestions.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  You're a good steward of my, my holiday gift guide.

• 32:28Dax Shepard?

  I'm entirely reliant on it.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Well, I like doing it. I like picking out the perfect present. Like, one of my more recent ones, this, I'll give it to you now ahead of time.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  For your coffee lovers, okay? There's an amazing small batch roaster downtown.

• 32:44Dax Shepard?

  The ones with those Ethiopian beans I'm obsessed with?

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Yes, and they take Apple Pay right at the counter, which is so easy. So you just double click the side button on my iPhone, authenticate with Face ID, tap and pay. That easy.

• 32:56Dax Shepard?

  Uh, what about for people who don't live locally?

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Well, that's where the real fun starts. I found this artist who makes these custom star maps. Um, it shows the night sky from any special date. So you could do an anniversary or a birthday.

• 33:09Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. That sounds cool, but doesn't all this online shopping get tedious with the different websites?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Not at all. When I check out online, I click the Apple Pay button, authenticate on my Apple device and done. It's so easy. No lengthy checkout forms required.

• 33:24Dax Shepard?

  Keep the suggestions coming. What else you got?

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Okay, book lovers, ding ding ding. I personally love supporting local bookstores. They're also just so fun. And you can go to their website. And then for crafty friends, there are these amazing do it yourself kits.

• 33:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you really do have a gift for, well, gifts.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Thank you. Whether I'm shopping in person or online, Apple Pay works at a million places. It makes it so much easier to focus on finding those perfect thoughtful presents.

• 33:53Dax Shepard?

  Instead of wasting time typing in card numbers, which I cannot stand.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Exactly. Same. More time for holiday magic, less time for payment hassle.

• 34:01Dax Shepard?

  Pay the Apple way. Terms apply. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics,

• 34:44Dax Shepard?

  everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com slash DAX for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside, the dream.

• 35:23Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they match me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.

• 35:44Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp. For optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 35:55Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy, free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 36:22Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com slash armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com slash armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com slash armchair.

• 36:35Dax Shepard?

  We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows

• 37:17Dax Shepard?

  you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. That's ziprecruiter.com/dax. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

• 37:43Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything

• 38:25Dax Shepard?

  they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit walden.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV.

• 38:49Dax Shepard?

  I missed one part though, before we even get there, and this is very sweet. Up until this moment, when you leave your house, your mother has dressed you every day of high school.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  She picked out your clothes.

• 38:59Dax Shepard?

  She laid out your clothes, right? This is what you're gonna wear.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  So my mom prefers traditional Pakistani clothes. And I think for her, it's like anything, jeans, top, any of these bland colors are just too boring. She's like, why would anybody wear that? Why would you not wear the traditional colorful clothes? But it's also representing the culture and that's what you are expected to wear. So I was looking at the bags she had packed for me for college and I was like, Mom, if I wear this, I will be instantly recognized as the public figure Malala.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I just want to like mix in the students and not stand out.

• 39:31Dax Shepard?

  Blend in.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  College girl Malala.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  And I wanna wear college outfit, like that's the dress code there. She would put one dress, I would remove it.

• 39:38Dax Shepard?

  And also tell Monica what you Googled.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Oh, I Googled Selena Gomez casual wear 2017.

• 39:45Dax Shepard?

  And what to wear to college 2017, Googled it. Cause she's never worn anything but these.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  What did it tell you? What did she wear?

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Cardigan, tight jeans.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh yeah, probably low rise, skinny.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Necklaces.

• 40:01Dax Shepard?

  Selena Gomez casual. Don't you feel like you would do this, Monica? You would.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Actually, that's really funny that you bring that up because I think Taylor Swift just went on Fallon and talked about how it's Selena's wedding, which was last weekend, I guess.

• 40:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Taylor gave a speech and she said she made fun of the way they dressed back then, when they were first friends, which is probably around this time. You're wearing what they're wearing.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  I'm adding more to the debate.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Exactly. Taylor would have razzed you.

• 40:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you got your 2017 college clothes. You've met Cora and then gracefully and luckily you meet Hen. Tell us about Hen.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Hen is such a jolly, funny, entertaining character.

• 40:45Dax Shepard?

  She's from Zimbabwe?

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Yes, she just talks forever, like you cannot stop her. I love her, I just, I was like, wow, I don't even have to do anything. I just have to sit and listen to her.

• 40:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she's got it.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  To try new things and explore things and take photos. And I just love that. I was her photographer. I would be just taking her photos all the time. We are really good friends.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:04Dax Shepard?

  I mean, isn't this a nineties college movie?

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:08Dax Shepard?

  Where like you meet the outgoing girl. It's like, I'm gonna take you under my wing.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Are you still friends with Cora?

• 41:11Speaker 02

  I'm friends with everybody.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Oh, good. Good, I love this.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  And I've met really interesting people. I met a lot of Pakistani friends. I met some friends who were very supportive at times and were also a bit mean at times.

• 41:25Dax Shepard?

  Yes, this is your girlfriend, Anisa.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  How is she?

• 41:27Dax Shepard?

  She's mean, she's like making fun of how you look or what you're wearing.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  I remember there was this mug. You put sugar in it and then you stir it.

• 41:34Dax Shepard?

  To make tea.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Stirring it, she's like, that's not how you do it. You do it like back and forth, like this is the more posh way.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Wait a second, I, what? Anyway, I was like, okay, I'll just stir it this way, like the way the queen does it.

• 41:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you should have been like, bitch, we invented tea. What are you talking about?

• 41:52Speaker 01

  Also, hey, I have a Nobel Prize, so I would be throwing that in everyone's face.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:57Dax Shepard?

  But you're like starting to play Scrabble. It's off to a really great start.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Amazing start.

• 42:02Dax Shepard?

  You're not a great student and I like this.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 42:05Dax Shepard?

  I like this because you're

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Person who's praising me for not being a good student.

• 42:09Dax Shepard?

  I like this because our association with you is wise beyond her years, completely poised, can somehow write the speech, deliver the speech. We're thinking you're gonna go there and there's gonna be a cakewalk. And what I love is you're kind of lazy. You're there to make friends.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  There to be social.

• 42:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and it was shocking to you as well.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  If I wanted to do incredibly well academically, I had to stay in the library for seven, eight hours a day. I was like, why would I do that?

• 42:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  I want to be with my friends right now. I had signed up for every society. There were these gatherings and parties, like a Diwali ball and Eid party and biryani event, like anything you could think of. I just wanted to be everywhere.

• 42:50Dax Shepard?

  I'm so proud of you for making that decision because I think you are receiving so much praise for being adult, being a good little soldier and doing everything you were supposed to do. To let go Of that praise, you would have been most praised to go there and finish top of your class.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  You know, this is what my dad was expecting. My dad was sort of mentioning now and then like, how are you doing? And do you think what grades you will get? Or are you gonna run for the president of the Oxford Union? And I said like, Dad, I don't think I'm here for any of those things. I am here to actually just find out who I am as a young woman. I was living my late teenage, very, very late in my twenties. That's how I see it. And it was the first time that I was not with my parents. I was living on my own. I did not have my work people around me. I was managing my calendar myself.

• 43:39Dax Shepard?

  Poorly.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Really poorly.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  But you know, when you see like, you're free to explore whatever you want. And I thought, I may not get this opportunity again. I knew that I could go to these libraries anytime in my life. I could reopen these books.

• 43:53Dax Shepard?

  No, you did it right.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  Friends in your early twenties is such a blessing. And I'm so glad I met these people because they help you grow. They help you learn more about yourself and who you become. I am who I am today because of these friends.

• 44:08Dax Shepard?

  They took her to McDonald's.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Finally, you guys go to McDonald's.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  I learned so much, you know, like if I were studying, would I have ever learned about how to order?

• 44:17Dax Shepard?

  Like, chaucer my ass. We need to know what's on a Big Mac, what's in those nuggets.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  We don't need to know about that.

• 44:22Dax Shepard?

  What's cute is, this is so fun, these girlfriends, they took care of her. They each decided to get her their favorite item.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  Oh, fun.

• 44:30Dax Shepard?

  So you were at McDonald's, just completely surrounded by nuggets and Big Macs.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 44:34Dax Shepard?

  Did you like it?

• 44:35Speaker 02

  I mean, the caramel frappe, of course.

• 44:37Dax Shepard?

  That one's the one that got ya. Tell us about Tariq, Tarek.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Tariq, Tariq, I mean, doesn't matter.

• 44:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and this is the part I've written down. This is textbook Monica here.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Chasing a guy who's unavailable?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Why have I heard of it? It's just my whole life.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm just describing my story. I'm not saying anything about you. This mysterious character, he was gorgeous. He was a bad boy. He was saying less and I was like, I wanna know what he wants to tell me. He had nothing to care, actually, but.

• 45:11Dax Shepard?

  Rumored to be a drug dealer, he's from Iraq.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  That's what my friends used to say and I refused to believe that. I was like, he's really struggling, you know, with the college pressure and somebody needs to help him out. Many times he came to my room and he was hungry. So I was like, okay, you know, there are some biscuits and bananas. He was just eating bananas and the biscuits and then like go back. I know. And I saw him in college, he was sitting on this bench, which had a clear sign of no smoking. So he's smoking and he's reading a book and I'm like, excuse me, it says no smoking. And he's like, oh, I'm dyslexic.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, okay. Then later on, I was questioning myself, like, he was reading a book.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  What does smoking have to do with anything?

• 45:51Dax Shepard?

  He didn't have the word smoking in his book. That's why he was able to read it. He just couldn't read the word smoking.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  That's when you know you have a crush because you're just so nervous in front of them.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  You'll do anything.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  I know if they say they're reading a book and they're dyslexic, I don't know. You'll just believe that, whatever that is.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Or if they say nobody understands them, I was like, yeah, nobody gets it. You're going through a lot, let me help you.

• 46:13Dax Shepard?

  And Tarek was like a wunderkind when he was young. But then he was in year six at Oxford, he couldn't get his shit together.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Oh, I know, but you were like, because he's struggling and he needs help.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  He's struggling, nobody is there to help him. Let me help him. And my friends told me off, they were like, what are you doing?

• 46:29Dax Shepard?

  The girl that was kinda catty at times, she was the real talk express. She's like, you're fucking delusional, this guy doesn't like you.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  All of these hard conversations, she would just tell me directly, she said, I don't care if I sound rude or not. But she said, you need to get your life together. You cannot go in like fix this guy's like, don't you see it?

• 46:44Speaker 01

  But it's hard for anyone at that age, if they have a crush on someone, to be self-actualized enough to be like, no, he's not good for me. But also you have had experience of changing the world.

• 46:57Dax Shepard?

  So you have some evidence?

• 46:59Speaker 02

  The reason that I was enjoying this crush scenario was because he was unavailable. He was not even responding. And for me, it was this one-sided love that I was experiencing. And I was so insecure about my looks because of the damage of my facial nerve on the left side. And I just thought this love life and all of these things are not going to be part of my life. And I thought maybe the closest that I can come to it is this imaginary relationship that I have right now.

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  This is what I wrote down. I want to read it verbatim if I could. Walking away from her room, I felt strange, like the spell that had brought me there was broken. I'd failed in my mission to help Tarek and Anisa thought I was a fool for trying. She was right. He had not asked for my help and didn't accept it when I offered. So why was I doing this? Because I enjoyed crafting elaborate narratives around our brief interactions. I could have snapped myself out of the delusion at any time, but I didn't want to. When Tarek disappeared for days, I would sit on my bed and listen to Bollywood duets, imagining the two of us embroiled in an epic love story. Then he'd show up again without explanation, eat my food and leave. He didn't want to be close to me, didn't ask about my friends or weekend plans.

• 48:10Dax Shepard?

  And that never bothered me because I preferred the fantasy in my head, where everything was both thrilling and safe. Obsessing over an unapproachable boy was just another way of avoiding rejection and staying single, filling my need for connection with one-sided romance.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:28Dax Shepard?

  Sorry, I had to read that.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  It's so dead on.

• 48:32Dax Shepard?

  That's Monica in high school.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  That's me now.

• 48:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  That's me still. What hopefully we'll get to is how you got over that. Because those are big feelings. They're so safe. I bet if he did start to like you, you would have been like, no, I don't want that. That used to happen to me a lot.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  It's scary when it feels more real. Part of that actually did happen to me when I actually started seeing my now husband, Asar. It felt more and more real that this guy is real, the feelings are real. I am actually going through these emotions and it means I have to make decisions. About my future with this person, do I want us to be together or not? That changes you as a person. Like, I felt different when I made that decision. But initially with these crushing or like these relationships in my imagination, it was fun because I was like, what if it's just these scenarios that you are like imagining? And that's how you pass your day.

• 49:26Dax Shepard?

  You can't get hurt in them because they're not real. But when it's real, all of a sudden we can get hurt. And now a whole nother batch of thoughts and emotions enter.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I actually did not want to be in a relationship, to be honest, because I just thought culturally, for many other reasons, I thought it was not for me. And I just never thought somebody would actually love me because of my insecurities. So many reasons for why I just thought it was never gonna be the story of my life. For me, it was this reality that it's not gonna happen. I would not do it because of the culture and all of that, but also that I don't think anybody is gonna love me or I'm gonna find a person.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, was that so confusing? Because also the world is telling you they love you. You're being praised, you're on covers of Time, I assume.

• 50:13Dax Shepard?

  Hanging out with Obama.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Exactly. Obsensibly, the world is like, Malala, we love you. But then internally, you're like, but that's not real and no one will really love me.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Even this recognition that you receive or the way people imagine that you are in these circles and you are hanging out with some prime ministers and presidents every day or you are meeting famous celebrities, that's not a true picture of my life. Like, I'm spending most of my time with my family or my college friends and now with my husband. Like, that's just a more true picture of my life, my everyday life. I'm meeting our activists and then the projects that we support. So it's like a mix of that, but people have these perceptions.

• 50:53Dax Shepard?

  You're probably a victim of a lot of projection. For us to know that a little girl got shot on a bus over wanting to go to school is so terrible that the only way it's palatable is she's fine and she's turned it into this great thing and she's won the Nobel Peace Prize. So it's okay, I can handle this stark. Yes, I need you to be this because it's way too uncomfortable for me to think a little girl got shot. So I think you probably were just this blank canvas that people just projected onto you, what they wanted you to be so they could feel better.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  It's really hard to process the.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Response from people because I come across all sorts of reactions. Even if we deny it, I think they do affect us in one way or another. I think in the middle of it, I just did not give myself enough time to know what I wanted. Life was moving so fast that I thought, okay, this is what's expected of me and I'm supposed to live this way. It's work, it's being an advocate, that I'm supposed to know everything. When I'm still reading a biology textbook, learning about cells, or I have to do an essay for my English subject or solve some math problems, that I somehow need to be able to address policymakers about their budgets for girls' education. And I need to have the correct opinion about every political issue out there.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  And I sort of accepted, I said, yeah, if you are applauded and if you are recognized, then somehow you need to know everything and you need to know it the right way. It's a lot of pressure, you know, you're not being yourself anymore. You cannot make a mistake, you're being scrutinized for it. And it still happens, even now, there are so many things that I actually don't know. I have principles in life that I follow. For me, the most important thing is promoting peace, promoting compassion. It's creating equal opportunities for girls through education. And it's ensuring that we actually listen to each other and bring more harmony and stand against oppression and violence and wars. I sort of know these things and I also know that whoever it happens to, we have to stand with them. In whatever part of the world it's happening, we have to stand up to that.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  But it's not that I have to like know the history and the background of every political issue.

• 53:04Dax Shepard?

  But I bet it's not enough for people. I bet you have that, but they now want you to be an environmentalist and they want you to be. Nine other issues that they care a lot about because they are in alignment with you on this thing. I bet you're now feeling the pressure of getting sucked into all these other political arenas that maybe isn't your passion.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, the way now I look into it is I see it from the perspective of girls. And I related to the issue of girls' education. So for example, climate change, I don't know everything about this climate change topic, but what I do know is that. Climate related events are affecting girls' education. Girls' education is actually one of the top solutions.

• 53:46Dax Shepard?

  To all things.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  Including climate change. So I think about it that way now. I'm like, I sure like I can help in some of these things, but my focus would be girls' education.

• 53:54Dax Shepard?

  Right. I think that takes courage because people want you to be all things and it's okay to have one message. I care about girls getting educated. Y'all can solve the rest of the stuff.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  I mean, looking at all these conflicts and things that are happening in the world, like what's happening in Afghanistan or what's happening in Gaza. For me, it's girls and their future. If their schools are bombed, if they do not have an education, they are denied the opportunity to have a future. So I support the education programs. I help bring attention to their stories and my goal is that we promote the message that can give them a chance back to their education. So that means we have to promote peace. We have to advocate against wars.

• 54:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so Oxford's going well. You've got a friendship group. You have gone to one of your rowing meets, which is hysterical because you've never rowed.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Are you afraid of falling in and not swimming?

• 54:43Dax Shepard?

  Can't swim is another overlap.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  I'll drown.

• 54:47Dax Shepard?

  She's still out there.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  The worst thing that could happen is I could drown.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Did you wear a life mask?

• 54:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  I couldn't even tell them. It was just like, do it once and then get out.

• 54:58Dax Shepard?

  So she does this and she's walking home from rowing practice and she's wearing jeans. And then a photo of you emerges. You already have so much on your plate. You're trying to get through Oxford. You're trying to make friends. Now these things kind of keep bubbling up.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  You're like confused. What's wrong with jeans, right?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  You know, before that I had only worn my Pakistani traditional clothes. Even if it was a non-uniform day at school, I would just wear Pakistani clothes and I felt awkward. I always stand out as this public figure Malala because that's the clothes that she wears. The Pakistani clothes are beautiful. They're just flashy, colorful and I love them and I still wear them. But in college, I just thought if I wear that, everybody's going to see me as this public figure and they're going to approach me differently. So I decided that I was going to wear jeans and these jumpers or sweatshirts, cardigans, all of that.

• 55:50Dax Shepard?

  Whatever Selena was in.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Coming back from rowing, somebody took a photo of me in skinny jeans with a green bomber jacket.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Sounds cute.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  I know, sounds really cute, right?

• 56:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I like it.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  And that photo somehow went viral and there was this whole social media controversy that started that was criticizing me for wearing jeans, that it was against my culture and religion.

• 56:14Dax Shepard?

  Anti-Islamic.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:15Dax Shepard?

  You're Satanist.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 56:17Dax Shepard?

  Your parents now know, your family members in Pakistan are getting heat and moms, of course, freaked out.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  She's like, I told you so.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  I know, and then I opened my phone and I just checked what's happening and my parents called me and they're like, can you respond to this or can we help fix this? Because for them, it's like, let's fix the problem. They were getting these calls from Pakistan. And I told my parents, I said, I'm not here for some pilgrimage. I'm here to study. I'm here to be like any other student. I said, I'm not gonna be defending myself or apologizing. I'm gonna wear what I want and I'm not gonna issue any statement on this.

• 56:51Dax Shepard?

  And that's the right move. You did the right thing.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:54Dax Shepard?

  And you did as well as you could to not let it affect you. But there's a reality of, all that is insanely stressful. You've got a whole country up in arms right now over the fact that you wore jeans.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  I know, and then it just started a whole debate. People were criticizing that my dress was either too un-Islamic and then some people were saying that she's still wearing a headscarf, like a hijab, and she's not fully liberated if she continues to wear that.

• 57:16Dax Shepard?

  Right, so she's wearing too much, she's wearing too much Pakistani stuff and not enough.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  For me, it is about the right of every girl and woman to choose for herself what she does, what she wears.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  Were your friends at least support, like, were they?

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Always, always. I mean, they just could not believe it. It's just a crazy world out there that no matter what women do, they're just criticized for it. You are promoting work too much or career, anti-career, staying at home, you're wearing this or that.

• 57:44Dax Shepard?

  You guys can't do it right. You just can't get it right.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  I know.

• 57:47Dax Shepard?

  But you do discover 24 ob's?

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:51Dax Shepard?

  Is a party. In the wake of all this, you get invited to join a Pakistani club.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Yes, friends club.

• 57:58Dax Shepard?

  And so you go there with a ton of fear. I don't know, the rest of Pakistan seems pretty pissed at me. How are they all gonna feel?

• 58:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it had been nearly five years. I hadn't gone back to Pakistan since the attack. And this was the first time that I was getting so close to my country, where you feel like the people who have just come here as international students, who are Pakistani, now they're meeting you. I was so nervous because when your exposure is limited, then you think that what you see on social media is what people think.

• 58:25Dax Shepard?

  Yes, that's the danger of it.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  I was nervous. I was preparing an answer for every possible like ridiculous question I could be asked. What have you done for the country? And why don't you go back? And all of these ridiculous things.

• 58:36Dax Shepard?

  Why are you wearing jeans?

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, all of that. And when I go there, they're like so excited. I feel like they had just cleaned their living room just for me.

• 58:44Dax Shepard?

  And they're everything, just like the real world. You got some people smoke pot, drink.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Pakistani food and somebody's smoking weed and somebody's not. And somebody is talking about boyfriend and girlfriend. And somebody's like, none of those things, you know? We're not gonna talk about that. I was so quiet and I was just watching. I was just worried what's gonna come next. It was such a chill, fun evening. And I ended up staying there till late.

• 59:07Dax Shepard?

  This is the rascal in her. She stays till only the people left her high. And she will sleep till two the next day. And she'll miss class.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you'll let it rip.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  I know.

• 59:16Dax Shepard?

  And you danced at this one?

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, to Pakistani music. And Pakistani songs are like so addictive. And the friends were just wonderful. Like that became my safe space, the 24 Ob's house. It was a perfect place. I would just be there almost every day.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  It's kind of beautiful because in some ways you had judged them without knowing them in the same way that people were judging you.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  I know, and I was just so anxious. Like they're gonna ask me this ridiculous question the next minute.

• 59:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  One of my friends there told me that I know what you might be thinking, but just know that. Any hateful things that you come across, that's not what most of the people think. And that I support you and all of that. And I was like, oh my goodness, thank you. I believe more in what I experience in real life than what I see on social media. So I've been asked constantly about what do I think about the hatred I receive in Pakistan? And I'm like, what hatred? I actually receive a lot more love in Pakistan. I have been working in the country since I started this mission for girls' education. There are incredible organizations that I'm supporting through Malala Fund. We have a school there, we're doing like so much work and people are working together with us and they're supporting us.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  So of course trolls and these things, they're always there because people will be disagreeing you for one reason or another.

• 1:00:30Dax Shepard?

  The pathetic nature of Twitter and all of it is it's 0.5% creating 95% of the content. It's not representative at all of anything in real life. I forgot the most embarrassing and awkward part of her journey.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:00:44Dax Shepard?

  She had a full security detail for all this. So she's rolling around with two white, old, middle-aged cops who are living in a dorm down the hall from her.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  I put them in a student room.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  How funny is that?

• 1:00:58Dax Shepard?

  I mean, you're already feeling out of place and you've got.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  You're trying so hard to blend in and you just can't.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  I made them eat the college dining hall baked beans and potatoes.

• 1:01:09Dax Shepard?

  And this was educational for me. So the English or at least Oxford works so different than an American college. You're there for three years. You take a test at the end of one year that tells you you're out or you get to stay for another two years.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:01:21Dax Shepard?

  And they tell you where you rank. And so you take the first year one, you're like at the very bottom.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  I was at the very bottom. Like I nearly failed my exam.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Dax Shepard?

  But they didn't kick you out. So you didn't do so bad that they booted you.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  But they warned me.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  They weren't gonna kick you out.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  They were like, you're gonna fail your degree if you.

• 1:01:39Dax Shepard?

  Keep yourself.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. And that's when my senior tutor had a meeting with me. She said, I'm serious this time. Like, I've seen your results. You need to change the way you do your work. I asked her to write a letter to my parents and Malala Fund team. Everybody was like, okay, you know, fine.

• 1:01:54Dax Shepard?

  Basically, I need to stop being on the road. I need to stop my other responsibilities.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  She said being a student means you are a full-time student. Yeah. This is a full-time job. You cannot be traveling to three different countries in a week or so. That's what I was doing in my first year. I was in Lebanon, then I was in Switzerland, then I was in Monaco. I was doing different things. Some were for Malala Fund advocacy, really significant and important. But some were paid events where I could support my family and all of that. But they said, no, you have to do it in your summer breaks. You cannot do it during college time. And it did affect my studies. I was, of course, prioritizing, socializing, but at the same time, I was doing work as well. Yeah. Which meant I had even less time for my essays. And I was so behind in my academic work.

• 1:02:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were kind of drowning in that.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  So for my second and third year, when it was like, serious, serious, I said, okay, like, I am gonna work hard. It was quite stressful to get back into it and get it all together. But then I found out about the student support system at college. And there was this amazing person. She was brought into college to help students who were struggling with their studies. I was nervous to go there because I thought I might be the only one who's gonna be there. And I had this imposter syndrome and I thought, maybe I don't deserve to be here. She told me so many students get to see her, and I even saw my friends there. That gave me a bit of comfort that it's quite normal and quite common for students to ask for help. And I think we should encourage students, the sooner you ask for it.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  There's just small things that can significantly help you.

• 1:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Your friend Rajah invites you and your friend to go go-karting. Do you ever see the movie Yes Man, Jim Carrey?

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:03:37Dax Shepard?

  He has to say yes to everything for a year or whatever, some period. And his life takes off. And in that same way, they're like, you wanna come go-karting? You're like, let's go. And there's this boy there and he is so.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  It was not Rajah, it was Jaman.

• 1:03:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it was Jamal. Sorry, sorry.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  Different friend.

• 1:03:53Dax Shepard?

  But you get invited and then there's this incredibly cute boy in town from Pakistan, who's a cricket player.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was just getting over my crush who had ghosted me.

• 1:04:04Dax Shepard?

  Ate all your food.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Ate all your bananas.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  I had just given up on love and then this other guy enters my life.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  A new potential fantasy.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Yes, maybe it's not a fantasy.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Maybe not this time.

• 1:04:17Dax Shepard?

  He's gorgeous, though.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  He's gorgeous. He's really handsome. I immediately was like, wow, this is the guy I sort of used to imagine. He's very charming, very handsome.

• 1:04:26Dax Shepard?

  And she drove her go-kart directly into some, into some tires and really fucked herself up and had to get taken to the manager's office. And her security had to check her vitals. It was all in front of the guy. Talk about a set piece.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  To be honest, so that was our first time meeting. So that's where I met Assar, who's now my husband.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Yes, this is a meet cute.

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:04:47Dax Shepard?

  You totally crashed and had a big episode. And he basically talked you out of it a little bit.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  I know. I was like, gotta give me a minute. This is a serious injury.

• 1:04:56Dax Shepard?

  It's been a serious accident.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Get over it. He's like, you were driving at like 10 miles per hour.

• 1:05:03Dax Shepard?

  I need some tires.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  He said, I think you're fine.

• 1:05:05Dax Shepard?

  He should have been like, girl, you were shot. What are you talking about?

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  He knows. He never brought that up. He never asked me about my past. He never brought those things up. And I instantly knew that this guy is different. He was more interested in the person who I was and who I was becoming. And I needed that person because you want to grow. You are exploring more about yourself. And I thought he's like the perfect partner because with him I can be myself. I can be funny. I can say silly things. I don't have to think twice. Am I getting this right or not? Or am I saying something incorrect?

• 1:05:36Dax Shepard?

  But do you think part of it was because you were like, oh, he's gorgeous. He's out of my league. Nothing's at risk here.

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  A little bit, yeah.

• 1:05:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think that's, not to out Monica more, but the hotter our guest is, the more powerful Monica is as a flirter. We'll have Brad Pitt and she'll be like, what's up, girl? Like, she'll be so confident because she's like, well, he ain't gonna like me.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:05:58Dax Shepard?

  No?

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  Yes, it's the same thing, though. It's. An unavailable person or an unapproachable. It's like, okay, yeah, there's no reason to be anything but me here. Cause there's no pressure. But then that's when you get into the circumstance where it's like, oh, wait, no, maybe actually they do like me. Uh oh, there's something wrong with them, so I don't like them anymore.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I thought it would be like one of those one-sided imagination kind of love story. But turns out I was actually in love with him.

• 1:06:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's so sweet. If he's anything like how you describe him in the book.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  I know. I don't want to give too many spoilers about the love story because I think this is like a really, really fun story.

• 1:06:33Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  But at one point I felt like it was not gonna work out.

• 1:06:37Dax Shepard?

  At the beginning, you were very assertive and I like this.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06:41Dax Shepard?

  You know, you knew he was leaving town and you're like, well, I gotta get together with this guy. He's going back to Pakistan. I'm gonna show some initiation.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  It's like we couldn't say it out loud, but we were trying to like signal it to say I'm interested. By the end of that first summer, it was 2018. I had just finished my first year at college. He didn't even communicate. His friend told my other friend to communicate to me. So it was like a long way that, oh, well, Aser is not thinking about you in that way.

• 1:07:11Dax Shepard?

  Just a friend.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Just a friend. And I was like, what?

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  Anyway, broke my heart.

• 1:07:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  I know, but then we got back together and I don't wanna, you know, people can, people can read how it happened.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Oh, this is so cute.

• 1:07:25Dax Shepard?

  Monica, he's so sweet. He's so cute. He's older than you. His love is cricket. That's his life. He's from a very poor background. He's had a pretty fucking gnarly childhood in his own right. His father had a lot of issues. So you guys knew each other.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  We had a lot in common because we both used humor as a coping mechanism.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  So being funny is everything to us. And I just realized that this guy has the best sense of humor. But most importantly, he finds me funny.

• 1:07:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  So he laughs at my jokes and I love that.

• 1:07:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  I really want to know why he first.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  Of course, there's more in the book, but he also tells the story that his right angel was telling him that if there's one person in the world that you don't want to hurt, it's Malala. And that his left angel was telling him, the devil, that the one person, if you hurt her, you are gonna be her enemy number one. So I think for him, it was our friendship. He did not want that friendship to go away. He also understood that we were at a different stage in our life. He was already working, he had graduated. I had just finished my first year of university. So he knew that I was still figuring things out in life. To be honest, I think he was thinking the right way.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:08:38Dax Shepard?

  He had also been burned. He was a sweet boy and he was a sweet boy to a few different girls and they kind of left him in the lurch.

• 1:08:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he was just scared.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  If Malala speaks publicly about me.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think he was just scared, like if we start sort of technically dating each other and then he messes things up, that he thought it's gonna be over for him because the mission of Malala function changes.

• 1:09:00Dax Shepard?

  You're like Danny Taylor Swift.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Education, we're gonna come back to that, but there's this one guy.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Education aside.

• 1:09:07Dax Shepard?

  We've all come together today to talk about the educational challenges of Mongolia. But before we get to that, do you guys know this guy, Sir? He's, oh, I'm a cricket player.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh, yeah, everyone would hate him because everyone loves you so much. So I understand the fear.

• 1:09:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, we hate Tarek, I hate Tarek.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  I do too.

• 1:09:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 1:09:33Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

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• 1:10:41Speaker 04

  in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundao.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundao.

• 1:10:57Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl, and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.

• 1:11:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers? Because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them, and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.

• 1:11:29Dax Shepard?

  Great, great, great.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.

• 1:11:43Dax Shepard?

  Roger.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie, and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute. But also, it's just fun and friendship.

• 1:11:57Dax Shepard?

  So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select Podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

• 1:12:16Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts, the stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish, cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

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• 1:12:59Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

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• 1:13:39Dax Shepard?

  I mean, this is such a movie. You decide to smoke pot.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:45Dax Shepard?

  And you have, what is the worst experience I've ever heard detailed from someone smoking pot? It turns into a two and a half day thing. And do you want to try to describe what that sensation was?

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Of course, I had become this adventurous student at college. I was trying to try everything. So one evening, my friends called me to the college garden and said, let's hang out. I visit them. They're trying this new thing, which looks like a flask, and it's called a bong. Yeah. So I was like, huh, like, I've never seen this. What is it? They're like, give it a try. It's just weed and something. I was like, okay. They said, just take one puff. And I was like, oh, what could one puff do?

• 1:14:24Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:14:24Speaker 02

  First attempt, I coughed. Yeah. Second attempt, I inhaled it, and it went all inside my body. In that moment, I froze. Everything changed instantly. I was reliving the Taliban attack. No.

• 1:14:40Dax Shepard?

  And prior to this... You had said many times and maybe believed yourself that you had no memory of that whole thing. That you got on a bus one day and you woke up in Birmingham.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  A week long induced coma. It's hard to know what happened, what didn't happen, what was a real memory and what wasn't. But now, seven years later, at college, after this bong experience, I was reliving that flashback.

• 1:15:03Dax Shepard?

  It makes so much sense because when you're high and you have no experience with it, you're out of control. You don't know when it'll end. You feel trapped. These are like all the things you experienced.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  And it doesn't end. It went on and on for hours. I was shaking. I wanted to scream. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I thought I was being attacked again. I thought maybe I'm dead and my dead body is somewhere and this is maybe an afterlife. I just could not figure it out.

• 1:15:29Dax Shepard?

  And you're seeing flashes of memories now.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  Yes, and you sort of lose that sense of reality. You feel so detached. That whole night, I was in my friend's room. I was just so scared. I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't sleep. Because I thought as soon as I close my eyes, maybe I'll die.

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  That's when my mental health journey began. I had not seen a therapist before.

• 1:15:53Dax Shepard?

  And if you don't mind, you had a second experience too, and this all makes so much sense, which is you also go to Boston to get the nerve surgery. And they put you on oxycodone and then you're back again.

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:16:03Dax Shepard?

  So now we've got, again, and it's the same thing, because like I don't have my full faculties.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:16:07Dax Shepard?

  I'm in this purgatory nether world.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  I just can't do drugs, basically.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fine. Now you know.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Not for me.

• 1:16:14Dax Shepard?

  That's a bummer.

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  And I wouldn't do it.

• 1:16:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you should though.

• 1:16:17Speaker 01

  No, don't. She already did it twice.

• 1:16:19Dax Shepard?

  No, she should do this. Let's try ecstasy, Max. Okay.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  I don't see it anymore. I've heard these things in here.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  What is it? I've heard something about MDMA. What is that?

• 1:16:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's ecstasy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great for intimacy at some point, you and, um, you and your sister want to rekindle?

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Dex, if you make her feel this again, this is not my-

• 1:16:40Dax Shepard?

  No, because she's gonna do all the work and she's gonna decouple all that and there'll be a moment, there'll be a big signal that she has processed everything.

• 1:16:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:16:48Dax Shepard?

  The kissing you guys are gonna do on it? Oh my god.

• 1:16:50Speaker 01

  Okay. The disassociation that you probably felt in the attack is what you are also feeling on drugs. There is a disassociation that happens when you're drinking or on drugs. And so it is literally the exact same feeling.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  Those suppressed memories. I could not acknowledge that I had actually seen it.

• 1:17:10Dax Shepard?

  Again, back to it wasn't what people wanted to hear. They want to hear that you survived and that you're strong.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  And I want to hear that I survived and I don't remember anything. Who wants to remember that?

• 1:17:19Dax Shepard?

  And you said you had been given this identity marker of brave.

• 1:17:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:17:23Dax Shepard?

  And now all of a sudden, you're just scared out of your mind to be alive.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  I felt that I had failed living up to the expectations.

• 1:17:29Dax Shepard?

  You have this thing that so few people could relate to, but I find it so heartbreaking. You have this Wunderkind thing, which is like these prodigy musicians. They're 12, the world loves them. And it's like, where do we go from here? It's untenable. You'd have to grow up and be Beethoven to deliver on what this promise at 12 was. It's such a kind of cruel expectation. It's dangerous to celebrate young people in such a profound way.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I think the way we are received in media, and especially now on social media, that exposure is just crazy. People then have this fixed image of you and you also internalize it. So I just thought the girl that I was recognized as being strong and brave at age 15, who survived the Taliban bullet, this is who I need to be for the rest of my life.

• 1:18:17Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  I have to be brave and courageous. And I was actually like really happy with myself that I didn't need therapy, that I had overcome all of these things so quickly. I was now on this mission and then I was enjoying my life. And suddenly something so small triggered the whole trauma again.

• 1:18:35Dax Shepard?

  The body keeps the score.

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  And I felt like maybe it was all there this whole time. So this was the first time I started getting mental health support. I started therapy.

• 1:18:44Dax Shepard?

  Which you had a lot of hurdles, right? You had some cultural hurdles. As you say in the book, there are 243 million Pakistanis and there are 500 practicing psychiatrists in the whole country. So it pretty much tell you culturally how your culture feels about psychiatry.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Growing up, we were not familiar with this.

• 1:19:03Dax Shepard?

  It's weak, it's indulgent, it's anti-God somehow. You should be turning to God for these solutions.

• 1:19:09Speaker 02

  It's either like you're supposed to get some medication for everything because they see it as like a real physical problem or maybe you're cursed or something.

• 1:19:16Dax Shepard?

  Well, generally, yeah, you were saying in Pakistan, if you're having mental health issues, that's almost a sign that you're not connected to God.

• 1:19:23Speaker 02

  I don't want to go and tell my parents because then they will think that I've gone mad or something.

• 1:19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're crazy.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Yes, I myself just thought that. Maybe a therapist just would not understand my situation. For everybody, it's just so unique and personal.

• 1:19:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's the thing. Your story is unique and it's not.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:19:42Dax Shepard?

  Cause you're just a human who's scared, right? It's like, we think we're so unique and you are objectively unique, but also you're not.

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  Fundamentally, the things you're struggling with are the things that so many-

• 1:19:52Dax Shepard?

  You're afraid to smile at times. We're really doing all day long.

• 1:19:55Speaker 02

  Fail my exams.

• 1:19:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  I was really nervous about my exams. I was nervous about life after I graduated. I was nervous about a decision, whether to get married or not, when I was seeing us. So there was a lot on my mind. From the flashbacks to the time when I started getting therapy, was still a few months in between. My friends noticed that I wasn't being myself anymore. And one of my friends then suggested that I see a therapist. I was like, they won't get it. But she said, give it a try because a lot of college students do, that she herself is seeing a therapist. That gave me a little comfort that I'm not the only one. And the first time I went to see that therapist, Evelyn, I told her everything. I said, okay, and now prescribe, you know, what do I need to take?

• 1:20:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  And I fix it, tell me where I got it wrong this time. I just wanted it all to go away.

• 1:20:44Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  And I wanted myself to be the person who I was before the bong incident and the flashbacks. I came to this understanding that you're never going to be the same person as you were. Everything has changed, the way you think, the way you feel, everything has changed. You have to acknowledge that and you have to coexist with it.

• 1:21:01Dax Shepard?

  And your therapist is like, you have PTSD. And you're like, yeah, what is that? People say they get PTSD for the line was too long, right? It's like been so overused.

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  I got PTSD seven years after.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:11Speaker 02

  It's insane. Anybody would bring up this topic and I was like, not me.

• 1:21:15Dax Shepard?

  But you started having panic attacks.

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:21:18Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot going on. You move in with your friends, that's a little different.

• 1:21:21Speaker 02

  She diagnosed me with anxiety and panic attacks. We had many sessions together. She told me to understand my emotions a bit, write it down, breathing techniques. Then she helped me- Separate emotions and thoughts and feelings from actions. And sometimes you're in this spiral of thoughts and you feel so helpless or you feel frightened from nothing. You're like, why am I scared? I can stand up to the scariest people who try to silence and at the same time I'm scared.

• 1:21:48Dax Shepard?

  And then you're mad at yourself because you're weak in that domain. And then you're ashamed of yourself and that's its own fucking thing. Now we do, we're so cruel to ourselves sometimes.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  I know, and it was just so hard to like go through it. But now I still get therapy. These kind of panic attacks and flashbacks have happened a few more times after that. I'm doing well now, but I just don't know what's gonna happen in the future. The transition, the changes, just seeing new things. But at least I know that I will always ask for help.

• 1:22:18Speaker 01

  Yes, I also have anxiety and panic. And for me now, if it starts to happen, it is actually a sign now that something else is going on. Cause you know, you're just going through life and then all of a sudden you're like in a zone.

• 1:22:32Dax Shepard?

  Overwhelmed.

• 1:22:33Speaker 01

  And it's actually helpful to say, oh, I'm having a panic attack. That means I need to deal with something, something's going on. Yes, go talk to your therapist. Can be a good indicator if you know what it is.

• 1:22:44Speaker 02

  This is what my therapist told me. There's a window of tolerance for each of us and that can change throughout our lives. I kept questioning her that I stood up to so many challenging, difficult things in my life. Why am I scared now when this is not scary, but I'm somehow really scared?

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:02Dax Shepard?

  You're fighting a lion, but you're afraid of a mouse.

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  And she said that the window of tolerance that we have can shrink in. It can grow bigger at times. Right now you might be overwhelmed with everything that is happening. You might be just scared about what life would look like for you after college or whether you should get married or not.

• 1:23:19Dax Shepard?

  You're dating a sir and it's a secret. You're not allowed to be doing that.

• 1:23:22Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 1:23:23Speaker 02

  And the work pressure, exams, all of these things. Maybe that window of tolerance has gotten a bit smaller, but it's okay because your body is giving you these signs. You're very right. It's a sign telling us something about how we are coping with the stress.

• 1:23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, and maybe I need to be a little bit gentler with myself right now.

• 1:23:40Dax Shepard?

  There's something to look at.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's something to investigate.

• 1:23:43Dax Shepard?

  There's something here. Now, the one thing that's going great in your life at this point is still a sir.

• 1:23:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:23:50Dax Shepard?

  This boy, I like him so much. The taxi sense.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:23:55Dax Shepard?

  The way she does this British Vogue interview.

• 1:24:01Dax Shepard?

  And she discusses her thoughts on marriage and some other things. And it causes yet again, one of these insane outcries and her own parents are freaked out. You gotta know, correct this statement.

• 1:24:12Speaker 02

  I did the British Vogue cover seven, eight months before our marriage. We did not know we were gonna get married, but it was the same year. The Vogue piece came out and it received this backlash and it became another controversy. Because I was asked by the interviewer, what do I think about marriage? And at the time, I was so stressed about this marriage decision and I was seeing Asser and I was confused. Like, should I get married? What about the system of patriarchy? And am I giving up to it? And what about the millions of girls who are forced into marriages? Am I losing something? Am I making more compromises?

• 1:24:46Dax Shepard?

  Marriage has been an instrument of oppression. Let's just say that.

• 1:24:49Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  You've been fighting actively against that.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  I know. And it's not that I was either against it or pro it, but I was questioning it.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  So I said something like, I don't know why people have to get married. Why can't it just be like a partnership or just sort of an agreement or friendship or something like this? My comments don't even make sense to me now. I'm like, what was I saying?

• 1:25:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, it makes sense to me because that's what you were experiencing with Asser. You're like, I'm in something that's great and I can't say that.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  It also sounds like a fine thing to think.

• 1:25:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I think we should be allowed to be confused and question these things. But people were like, oh, she's now promoting girls not to get married. And she's like against this Islamic religious ceremony around marriage, which is called Nika. And this whole thing that Malala is now promoting anti-marriage culture. And I was like, wait, what?

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  My gosh.

• 1:25:37Dax Shepard?

  And the parents, this one, I felt very protective of you. I was like, I wanna be in this house right now. Because initially they saw it and they were so proud of this thing. And then the backlash happened and they succumbed to it and they want her to make a statement. And then Asser's like, you want me to talk to him?

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  To your parents.

• 1:25:53Dax Shepard?

  What a stunt.

• 1:25:54Speaker 02

  You know, it's sort of in that moment, you sort of know, like, I think he's the one.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  Yes, because he has your back.

• 1:26:00Dax Shepard?

  We don't offer a lot, but we should be protecting you.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  And I knew he was the right one because he sort of stood up to that patriarchal narrative, that misogynistic narrative.

• 1:26:11Dax Shepard?

  He's like, you look beautiful, and it's a great article. And let me remind your parents that they loved it too, two hours ago.

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 1:26:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love him. There's some texts, Monica, that'll make you ball your eyes out.

• 1:26:24Speaker 01

  In therapy, I've talked a lot about this, where I just want someone who just has my back regardless. And it's really hard to find because also people are their own people and no one needs to have your back regardless. That's kind of asking a lot, but in moments where people show up for you like that, it is so meaningful. I love that you have that.

• 1:26:45Dax Shepard?

  So then Malala, right after, was like, let's take a trip. Because he's also living in Pakistan. He's got kind of his dream job working for a cricket organization. So you guys take this lovely trip to Lake Placid.

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  It was a long distance. It was still with the COVID travel restrictions and we both somehow managed to make it to Lake Placid in the US. And it was just the two of us. So it was a time where we were not thinking about anything else. Family, culture, all of these things. It's just, what do I want? How do I feel?

• 1:27:13Dax Shepard?

  And you're supposed to have a talk.

• 1:27:14Speaker 02

  I know I had prepared a long list of questions that I'm gonna ask him everything. Does he have any problem with a woman earning more money or not? Would he feel insecure about what I do or he has to adjust to my schedule?

• 1:27:26Dax Shepard?

  Are you gonna feel emasculated by joining me?

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  Exactly, feeling insecure and all of that.

• 1:27:30Dax Shepard?

  Because I ain't got time for it.

• 1:27:31Speaker 02

  I know. Does he truly, truly love me or not? I was so worried. Anyway, we are in Lake Placid. It's a beautiful place. We are exploring different things, doing like a yoga session and then watching birds and walking and hiking. And then we considered canoeing as well.

• 1:27:48Dax Shepard?

  Again, can't swim.

• 1:27:49Speaker 01

  Okay, I need you to come down getting in boat.

• 1:27:51Speaker 02

  I know. So we start canoeing and the waves were really strong. So we are trying to like head back to the hotel.

• 1:28:01Dax Shepard?

  This is Monica's nightmare.

• 1:28:02Speaker 02

  But the waves are taking us in a different direction and before we know it, we're like quite far away. And we're both panicking now. We sort of see this house and then we stop by the dock. But then they have three, four big dogs and they were like barking at us. Now I'm okay, but at the time I was like really scared of dogs as well.

• 1:28:22Dax Shepard?

  That's okay. Yeah, it's reasonable.

• 1:28:23Speaker 02

  The house owner shows up and she's like, I'm gonna help you. This happens all the time. And then she drives us back to the hotel.

• 1:28:30Dax Shepard?

  Well, let me just add, she's a rascal. She's a procrastinator.

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:28:35Dax Shepard?

  She's gone on this trip to have this talk and they go the entire trip and he keeps wanting to talk and she's like, no, later, later, later, later.

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  You don't wanna bring it down. I get it.

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  He's like, so what did you wanna ask? I'm like, oh, this yoga session, that's gonna be so cool. Let's do that. He's like, okay. Are you ready to talk now? No, no, no, let's walk canoeing. Okay, are you ready now? No, let's play card games or something. So this was like the last day of the trip.

• 1:29:00Dax Shepard?

  Five minutes before you get picked up.

• 1:29:01Speaker 02

  And he's like, so are we ready to talk? And I was like, I think I'm ready. And he said, to talk? I said, no, I think I'm ready to get married.

• 1:29:13Speaker 01

  To be with you. Oh, how sweet. What do you say?

• 1:29:19Speaker 02

  He was very happy.

• 1:29:20Dax Shepard?

  I love to.

• 1:29:21Speaker 01

  I love this story. Oh, I love it because you had such an idea of where your life was gonna go and what you could have and what you couldn't have and you got to have it all.

• 1:29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then we got married like six months after, November twenty twenty one.

• 1:29:35Dax Shepard?

  Piece that's in the book. Everyone should read it. It's more mom stuff.

• 1:29:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, shaming him for not having.

• 1:29:41Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 1:29:41Speaker 01

  You know, moms and daughters, we do it.

• 1:29:43Dax Shepard?

  She needs to read. I have a copy.

• 1:29:46Speaker 02

  The book?

• 1:29:46Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna send you with it. Yeah.

• 1:29:48Speaker 02

  What is it called?

• 1:29:49Speaker 01

  Oh, Let Them.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  It's up there.

• 1:29:51Dax Shepard?

  Do you know about Let Them?

• 1:29:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I've come across it, yes.

• 1:29:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, your mom needs this book. You need to give your mom this book.

• 1:29:57Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:29:57Dax Shepard?

  No?

• 1:29:58Speaker 02

  So we don't know my mom and my dad's actual, actual birthday, but I asked my mom if she has heard anything about her birthday from her family members. And she said it was Ramadan time around the like nineteen sixty nine to like seventy one. So I looked those years up on Google, looked up Ramadan time, which is based on lunar calendar. It was around October, November. My mom is a Scorpio.

• 1:30:24Dax Shepard?

  Does that explain a lot?

• 1:30:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:30:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:30:26Speaker 02

  I love Scorpios. I mean, my mom is a Scorpio. But you can imagine, you cannot argue with her. She's always right.

• 1:30:32Speaker 01

  No, see, you want her to read Let Them? Malala is already letting them.

• 1:30:37Dax Shepard?

  She doesn't need to read it.

• 1:30:38Speaker 01

  Well, exactly.

• 1:30:38Dax Shepard?

  But her mother is suffering out of her fear of what people think of her and her family and her friends. She's actually suffering, and I have compassion for her. She really needs some tools to let go of what everyone else thinks.

• 1:30:51Speaker 01

  Yes, but also you can just be like, that's her.

• 1:30:54Speaker 02

  It's hard to unlearn if you have experienced something for decades and you have seen the consequences of what women and girls have to go through.

• 1:31:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I have tons of compassion for her and no judgment. And because that, and I don't dislike her, I think she deserves a relief. And I think there's techniques to get relief. This is my last question. Have your parents read the book?

• 1:31:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:31:13Dax Shepard?

  They haven't.

• 1:31:15Speaker 02

  They have not.

• 1:31:16Dax Shepard?

  Are you sure they haven't? If my daughter writes a book, even if I say I'm not going to, I'm going to.

• 1:31:20Speaker 02

  I actually chose not to share this book with my parents.

• 1:31:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 1:31:24Speaker 02

  This book has not been shared with anybody, friends, family members, brothers. You know, my parents are very supportive right now. I'm sure we'll have some disagreements or something. They'll be like, did you really need to talk about this? Did you really need to bring this up? We'll talk through it.

• 1:31:41Speaker 02

  I know. I decided not to share this book with my parents because I wanted it to reflect my feelings and my emotions.

• 1:31:49Speaker 01

  Without having to think about theirs.

• 1:31:50Dax Shepard?

  I think this is you claiming your autonomy. I think you're very immersed with your family and your parents. And I think that this book is kind of a declaration of, no, I'm going to be a full person now, okay? I'm not just going to be the person at the UN. You're going to have to accept I'm multifaceted and I'm a full person, and this is it.

• 1:32:07Speaker 01

  And that's brave.

• 1:32:09Dax Shepard?

  And I hope liberating for you.

• 1:32:10Speaker 02

  It's really hard to experience these different human emotions because sometimes you feel weaker and more vulnerable. When I fell in love, I felt more vulnerable.

• 1:32:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, it's so scary.

• 1:32:22Speaker 02

  Emotionally, I was like, oh, love can make you feel so weak. Ew.

• 1:32:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:27Speaker 02

  I felt broken and so vulnerable when I had flashbacks and panic attacks. It was like, I'm failing. And now I'm more open to accepting emotions. And I am embracing them as part of my growth. I do not believe in this old version of me who felt that there's only one emotion and that is just being strong. Staying so firm in what you believe in. But that means you cannot cry, you cannot feel weak in any way. You cannot be heartbroken. All of those emotions are not you. You're only just supposed to be strong. But now I'm like, true bravery is when you go through the lowest

• 1:33:10Speaker 02

  and you still stand up and do what you believe in. That's true bravery. That is true courage. To anybody out there who might feel that they're failing themselves or if they have any doubt, just know that for as long as you keep your work going, you are brave, you are courageous.

• 1:33:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:33:29Dax Shepard?

  Finding My Way, I really hope everyone reads it. It's so fun and cute. Like I said, it's like a complete departure from the other side. We already know. And it's so human and relatable and just really well written. And it's wonderful. So I want everyone to check out Finding My Way. And Malala, I hope we get to do this again.

• 1:33:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:33:49Dax Shepard?

  This is so fun.

• 1:33:51Speaker 02

  This was so much fun. I really enjoyed it.

• 1:33:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 1:33:56Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for the fact check. It's where the party's at.

• 1:34:05Dax Shepard?

  Hello.

• 1:34:05Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:34:07Dax Shepard?

  Did you use that towel? Your hair towel? You did, yeah, you can tell. It's crazy you don't use the hair towel every single night because every time you use the hair towel, you get a compliment on it, no?

• 1:34:17Speaker 01

  Thank you, I know. But I can only use it on wet hair and I only wash my hair once.

• 1:34:22Dax Shepard?

  Once a month. How often do you wash your hair?

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  Once a week.

• 1:34:26Dax Shepard?

  Once a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of hair. It's a big job.

• 1:34:29Speaker 01

  It's a big job.

• 1:34:29Dax Shepard?

  It's expensive. Probably got to use a lot of shampoo.

• 1:34:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, and, and it gets, um, dry. Like, it's not good for me to overwash.

• 1:34:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's right.

• 1:34:39Speaker 01

  It gets dry. Yeah, brittle bones. I do need a haircut really badly.

• 1:34:43Dax Shepard?

  Osteo-haresis.

• 1:34:45Speaker 01

  But one thing about the towel that's interesting is, um, When I use it, you know, my hair gets a little, it's very naturally curly.

• 1:34:53Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  It's hitting its natural.

• 1:34:55Dax Shepard?

  Don't brag, but yeah, just tread lightly, yeah.

• 1:34:57Speaker 01

  Well, no, people like straight hair.

• 1:34:59Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's the funny thing.

• 1:35:01Speaker 01

  Exactly. You like, grass is always green.

• 1:35:04Dax Shepard?

  Always.

• 1:35:04Speaker 01

  But when my hair is curly, if I brush it, it gets poofy.

• 1:35:11Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:35:12Speaker 01

  So I haven't been brushing my hair lately at all.

• 1:35:15Dax Shepard?

  And do you get, um, you're so blessed, your hair, right? Cause you don't get knots?

• 1:35:19Speaker 01

  I do sometimes get knots and I just let it.

• 1:35:22Dax Shepard?

  Now, when I had long hair, and I'm talking only like a little bit past my shoulders.

• 1:35:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:27Dax Shepard?

  Every night it would get like a dreadlock in it when I slap.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I don't have that.

• 1:35:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I had to really, every morning with fucking conditioner and a comb, like get knots out.

• 1:35:36Speaker 01

  Cause you have fine hair.

• 1:35:38Dax Shepard?

  Thin.

• 1:35:39Speaker 01

  We call that fine hair. Beautiful, fine hair. Um, okay, so yesterday I went to a restaurant. And next to it was a bar that was playing the Dodgers. Like it's, it's in the area by Dodger Stadium, so a lot of people go to watch the game.

• 1:36:01Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:36:02Dax Shepard?

  Not the shortstop?

• 1:36:04Speaker 01

  No, it's called.

• 1:36:06Dax Shepard?

  Little Joy?

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:36:07Dax Shepard?

  Wingstop? You were at, uh, Quarter Sheets?

• 1:36:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:36:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:36:11Speaker 01

  Good job, Rob, put it all together. Um, Little Joy, really cute.

• 1:36:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:16Speaker 01

  Anyway, they sell these chips, voodoo chips, that are really yummy. So in best case scenario, we go there, we have voodoo chips.

• 1:36:25Dax Shepard?

  What are voodoo chips?

• 1:36:26Speaker 01

  Um, it's.

• 1:36:27Dax Shepard?

  Tortilla chip?

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  No, they're, they're potato chips.

• 1:36:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  But they have, let's see how they're described. They're so good. Zap's kettle potato chips voodoo. Sweet, spicy and tangy flavor, known as people chips.

• 1:36:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, New Orleans kettle style voodoo.

• 1:36:47Speaker 01

  They're so good.

• 1:36:48Dax Shepard?

  I'm intrigued.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  Oh, I'll get you some, they're really good.

• 1:36:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:36:52Speaker 01

  And they sell them there, so you have a little voodoo.

• 1:36:55Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  And then you go over to Quarter Sheets, really good pizza place. Now, we were watching the game and then we went over to Quarter Sheets and when we were leaving.

• 1:37:05Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask who we is, you, Anna and Jess?

• 1:37:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:37:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:37:08Speaker 01

  I just look on the website for the next reservation and I just book it, cause it's really hard to get in there.

• 1:37:14Dax Shepard?

  For the pizza joint?

• 1:37:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:15Dax Shepard?

  You wouldn't have noticed probably, but do they have a gluten free cross by chance? I mean, it's LA.

• 1:37:20Speaker 01

  They should.

• 1:37:21Dax Shepard?

  They must.

• 1:37:22Speaker 01

  I don't think they do a lot of modifications.

• 1:37:24Dax Shepard?

  Also, if they don't, good for you guys. Don't accommodate to us. Like, make your real thing and don't fucking accommodate.

• 1:37:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz they only have like a certain amount.

• 1:37:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:37:35Speaker 01

  It's not like a huge.

• 1:37:36Dax Shepard?

  Scarcity.

• 1:37:37Speaker 01

  So good.

• 1:37:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and you love it cuz of the scarcity.

• 1:37:39Speaker 01

  Cuz limited edition. So, anyway, we went, we had a great time. Um, so I have a couple alter egos.

• 1:37:48Dax Shepard?

  That you make resists with?

• 1:37:50Speaker 01

  No, they just appear. Like, Sonica is an alter ego. She drinks a lot of water.

• 1:37:57Dax Shepard?

  Interesting.

• 1:37:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:58Dax Shepard?

  Cuz she's in the sauna so often, or?

• 1:37:59Speaker 01

  Oh, wow, no. Uh, she just is thirsty. And so like, every now and then, if Sonny takes over and then I'm just drinking a lot of water.

• 1:38:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:38:10Speaker 01

  And then it's like, oh, Sonny's here, you know?

• 1:38:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:12Speaker 01

  And then there's another one named Flani, and she's, uh, feisty. Like, she's like, um, loopy and quirky.

• 1:38:21Dax Shepard?

  Uh-huh. Slapsticky?

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:38:25Dax Shepard?

  Pervy?

• 1:38:26Speaker 01

  Um, sure, but I think, I think they're all pervy.

• 1:38:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, great.

• 1:38:31Speaker 01

  Including Monica.

• 1:38:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:38:33Speaker 01

  So, something, I was like, it was like that movie Split. Like, uh, Flani came, Sonny came.

• 1:38:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:38:40Speaker 01

  I was there, you know?

• 1:38:41Dax Shepard?

  It was a carousel of characters.

• 1:38:43Speaker 01

  It was a big night.

• 1:38:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  And then we left and we were walking back by Little Joy, and it's open. So, we were, we peeked to see how we were doing, and it was 6-1, we were not winning.

• 1:38:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:56Speaker 01

  And we were all like, oh, god, that's bad.

• 1:39:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:00Speaker 01

  And then this guy was standing on the street and he was like, yeah, you saw it? Those guys got run over?

• 1:39:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, what?

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  I know. And we were like... What? And he said, yeah, the, the two people just got run over up there. And it was so, it was definite, oh, it's a ding ding ding to an upcoming episode. There's an expert we have on, on morbid curiosity.

• 1:39:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:39:28Speaker 01

  And it was a real, it was such a ding ding ding, cause he was like, you know, out there and you could tell he was like scared talking about it, you know, he was like, they got run over. I, I think they were homeless, but I don't know. And, and they screamed and, and then Jess was like, oh, I don't wanna hear anymore. No, that, he kept saying they were homeless, which was, it, it was an interesting piece of it, cause

• 1:39:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:50Speaker 01

  I could tell he was kind of saying it so that he felt better about it, I think.

• 1:39:57Dax Shepard?

  Yup.

• 1:39:57Speaker 01

  You know, and he was like, they ran out in front and, but yeah, he was just like processing it.

• 1:40:03Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  And we did, this feels, we did not wanna hear it, you know, like.

• 1:40:09Dax Shepard?

  This is very similar to like if a stray dog got hit by a car or someone's family pet. I think that's what's happening.

• 1:40:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:40:15Dax Shepard?

  Like, you're trying to comfort yourself and so you're like, but they were homeless, meaning like, uh, they're, you know, they're running around and they're already crazy, you know, like somehow.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  Somehow it's better.

• 1:40:27Dax Shepard?

  It's like, it's not the big threat to the world because these people are already living on the fringes and doing wild stuff.

• 1:40:34Speaker 01

  Right, like.

• 1:40:34Dax Shepard?

  But I don't even think you know you're doing that, but you're trying to go like, well, this, I shouldn't feel so afraid cause it's not a normal person, it was a homeless person.

• 1:40:43Speaker 01

  Hun, yeah, in quotes, yes, hundred percent, yes, that, it's like, I would never be in that position because that's a different type of person than.

• 1:40:51Dax Shepard?

  Like if a guy, a guy got hit by a car and you were like, he was a drug addict. There's something about it, oh, he's like slumped over.

• 1:40:57Speaker 01

  He was on drugs, that's why it happened.

• 1:40:59Dax Shepard?

  Yes, and there's like more culpability and like, yeah, it's interesting.

• 1:41:02Speaker 01

  But it's all made up, we are all making it all up in our heads.

• 1:41:05Dax Shepard?

  A human died and, and it's the same, yeah.

• 1:41:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so, um.

• 1:41:10Dax Shepard?

  Although we don't even know if they died.

• 1:41:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I said, I said, well, maybe they're okay, cause our friend Eric got hit by a car and he was okay.

• 1:41:17Dax Shepard?

  Ish, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:19Speaker 01

  You know, I mean. He's

• 1:41:21Dax Shepard?

  Who knows what he was like before. We met him post taxi. He got blasted by a taxi cab.

• 1:41:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, in New York.

• 1:41:26Dax Shepard?

  And again, no. But what's funny is it's like it was Eric and you go, oh, it was definitely his fault.

• 1:41:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:41:31Dax Shepard?

  Cause he's so absent minded. He was probably looking at his phone. But if someone's really alert and they get hit, you're like, oh no, then that could happen to me.

• 1:41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. And the truth is, everything could happen to all of us.

• 1:41:42Dax Shepard?

  Anyone could get hit by a car.

• 1:41:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Jess said something interesting. He was like, yeah, it also goes from if you hit someone, a person that's just walking across the street, if you hit them, like, you're a murderer.

• 1:42:01Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:42:01Speaker 01

  And if, if it's this homeless person who jumps out in front of you.

• 1:42:06Dax Shepard?

  It's a bit of the collateral catastrophe that, that is homelessness in LA.

• 1:42:11Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:42:12Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes. It's like a part of a bigger problem.

• 1:42:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:16Speaker 01

  It's, we, we really categorize things to make ourselves like,

• 1:42:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:20Speaker 01

  feel better. Anyway, anyway, so that was a crazy thing that happened.

• 1:42:25Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:42:25Speaker 01

  And I don't.

• 1:42:26Dax Shepard?

  But you didn't really get many details, other than that the people were potentially homeless.

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  Screaming and potentially homeless.

• 1:42:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay, ambulance come and take him away?

• 1:42:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot. There were so many police cars.

• 1:42:36Dax Shepard?

  Rescue.

• 1:42:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. But I'm really glad I didn't see it because that is the type of thing that is like that lady in the mall who had to get out of the wheelchair and let, or the husband had to get out of the wheelchair and the lady had to get in the wheelchair and it was a whole commotion. And I was like really upset about that for the rest of my life.

• 1:42:59Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:00Speaker 01

  I think this would have made a similar mark.

• 1:43:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:03Speaker 01

  So I have to say, I'm glad I did not see it.

• 1:43:06Dax Shepard?

  Well, what I'm hearing, which sounds like good news, is you are more affected by that than the loss, uh, the World Series loss.

• 1:43:12Speaker 01

  I was.

• 1:43:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, that's good. I think that speaks well to your character.

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  It also is so human. Like, he's a stranger, this person. He's a stranger on the street. And he really wants to connect over this bad thing that happened.

• 1:43:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:25Speaker 01

  It's really interesting.

• 1:43:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, he's, he's alone in this.

• 1:43:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:29Dax Shepard?

  And he needs a little connection.

• 1:43:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:33Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:43:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I have such a warp. So again, we're talking so much about this expert, but

• 1:43:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:39Dax Shepard?

  Uh, this morbid curiosity topic, which is great. And there's, there's categories, this person broke it into four categories of different curiosities you could have, but one is violence.

• 1:43:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:51Dax Shepard?

  Now, one is my great curiosity. But yeah, as we were going through some of these things and I was like, yeah, I just don't even get scared. I don't have any emotion during a scary movie.

• 1:44:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:44:03Dax Shepard?

  And yeah, I'm like really desensitized. Like I could see that people get hit by a car and I would be kind of fine. I could walk over and get involved and

• 1:44:10Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:44:11Dax Shepard?

  And it wouldn't, uh,

• 1:44:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44:14Dax Shepard?

  I don't, that's, and I don't know. I want to know if it's born that way. I want to know if it's nature or nurture.

• 1:44:19Speaker 01

  It's like, I mean, probably some combo. Yeah. But probably more nurture, I would say for that.

• 1:44:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, this guy was saying like, when you show people pictures of violence, there's like these different levels of which if it's like, um, if it's a two guys high fiving and you're seeing a photo, you'll meet, you'll, you'll first notice that they have contact with one another. So your eyes go to the high five, but then your eyes go immediately to their faces.

• 1:44:46Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:44:46Dax Shepard?

  Whereas if it's vi- if it's like, um, a punch to the stomach, you, your, your eyes will go to that violence and it won't come away.

• 1:44:53Speaker 01

  Place of contact.

• 1:44:54Dax Shepard?

  But then if you see it on the street, you might, you don't want to look or you're repelled by it.

• 1:44:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:00Dax Shepard?

  And I only have the attracted to it part, you know?

• 1:45:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I think that's nurture probably because you're around violence, but also you have a, um, need to help. So like, you're not going to be like, I gotta turn away. You want to go towards it to see what you can do.

• 1:45:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So that would be like a good reason. And I'm not even willing to give myself that pat on the back. Even more like when Nate and I were in Afghanistan and the base we were at got bombed and everyone was running in a very specific direction. They were running to all of the bomb bunkers,

• 1:45:40Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:45:40Dax Shepard?

  which were all around the base. And I was feel, I was fighting this huge compulsion to run from where everyone was coming, run towards where everyone was running away from. And knowing that I'm a guest here and that we have this liaison that's and I start moving and he's like, no, wait, wait, wait, where are you going? I'm like, I gotta, I have to see what they're running from.

• 1:46:04Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:46:05Dax Shepard?

  It's like, I can't, um, like, I need to see what the threat is, or the degree of it. Before I can possibly feel calm. I gotta first know what we're up against.

• 1:46:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that's interesting.

• 1:46:18Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, I just wanna run at everything.

• 1:46:20Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 1:46:21Dax Shepard?

  It's not a good instinct.

• 1:46:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:23Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 1:46:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I do think, I think something like this, like someone getting hit by a car and you going towards that is nice. Like, I, I sometimes feel like I'm

• 1:46:34Speaker 01

  really bad because I, I don't wanna go help.

• 1:46:39Dax Shepard?

  Pretend that it's not happening.

• 1:46:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And, you know, sometimes I'm in my bed and I think I might have heard like an accident. And I should go out to see and I struggle with this. I'm like, what should I do?

• 1:46:53Dax Shepard?

  You should feel guilty because there's so many people like me in the world.

• 1:46:57Speaker 01

  But what if they're not around?

• 1:46:58Dax Shepard?

  I'm more have that when I see something and I'm like, the cops aren't there yet. And I'm like, do I call 911? I'm like, I'm sure someone, that's the time where I'm like, I'm sure someone else did.

• 1:47:09Speaker 01

  Yes, calling 911. It's a big, it's a big hindrance for me. I don't wanna do it. And I assume someone else is gonna do it, but if everyone assumes.

• 1:47:19Dax Shepard?

  But didn't you call 911 once for absolutely nothing?

• 1:47:21Speaker 01

  No, it wasn't nothing. It was important. And then they didn't pick, they weren't picking up.

• 1:47:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:47:27Speaker 01

  There was like some guy lurking around our apartment.

• 1:47:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's worthy of a 911. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:33Speaker 01

  And they just kept ringing.

• 1:47:37Dax Shepard?

  They never picked up?

• 1:47:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:47:38Dax Shepard?

  That's interesting.

• 1:47:39Speaker 01

  It's not good.

• 1:47:40Dax Shepard?

  We've heard that on Armchair Anonymous.

• 1:47:44Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:47:51Dax Shepard?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space, or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 1:48:29Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 1:48:40Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds. Once it's out into the world, you gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 1:48:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 1:48:56Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX.

• 1:49:30Dax Shepard?

  Now, back to the, I do think this upcoming episode is going to be one of these ones where it's like, I think about a lot, or I start noticing, I think it really.

• 1:49:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:49:38Dax Shepard?

  Because it happened immediately. We interviewed this person yesterday and then I'm laying in bed with Lincoln last night and we're talking about, I don't even know what we're talking about, but she just tells me. Yeah, she's like, you know, I, I, I spend a lot of time when I'm in my room by myself, planning out scenarios where there's an intruder and they get into my room.

• 1:49:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:49:59Dax Shepard?

  And I have a couple of different plans. Like, I have this one toy I think would make a great weapon. And so it's like, I, I have one version where I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna go grab that. I forget how she determined when that's the option. Uh, and then another one is she goes onto her balcony and then hangs over the side and drops down.

• 1:50:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:20Dax Shepard?

  And then runs to here, she's decided. She's running into the studio.

• 1:50:24Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:50:24Dax Shepard?

  And locking the doors, but screaming the whole time, hoping we'll wake up.

• 1:50:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:50:28Dax Shepard?

  And then buying some time. But I'm kind of like, like, why not just run, run all the way? Run out the house, run to T T's?

• 1:50:36Speaker 01

  No, cause you have to, you have to, oh, oh, you mean, keep going?

• 1:50:39Dax Shepard?

  She's gonna get a distance, but she's gonna stay on the property. She also has this inclination to make sure everything were alerted. Like, she doesn't have a band in the whole situation, but she wants to build a buffer. But anyway, she's telling me this whole thing, and it was just completely random that she said this. And then I was thinking, I wonder if I hear this all the time, but I wasn't thinking of it because we hadn't done that episode.

• 1:50:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:59Dax Shepard?

  But I was like, oh, honey, that's this great gift of humans. We can model out the potential threats we have, and we can have game plans without ever having experienced them.

• 1:51:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:51:08Dax Shepard?

  And now whether you'll be able to execute this game plan or not, like, you at least have a game plan, and you have a couple.

• 1:51:15Speaker 01

  I had so many game plans.

• 1:51:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:17Speaker 01

  First and foremost, you get under the bed, but then you Spider-Man. You, you, you're not under, you are flush with the.

• 1:51:26Dax Shepard?

  You're holding yourself up like a cockroach.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  The top of the bottom of the bed, yeah.

• 1:51:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:31Speaker 01

  You know, hair is a little bit of an issue there.

• 1:51:34Dax Shepard?

  Yes, you gotta put up a pony, do a bond.

• 1:51:37Speaker 01

  Flap it so that it's also flush.

• 1:51:39Dax Shepard?

  Get your towel, get your nighttime towel.

• 1:51:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was my plan when I was a kid.

• 1:51:44Dax Shepard?

  But my guess is you never tried that, because I don't think you could have done it.

• 1:51:47Speaker 01

  I didn't try.

• 1:51:48Dax Shepard?

  You're not a spider monkey.

• 1:51:50Speaker 01

  But I felt like I, in a, in a scenario like that.

• 1:51:52Dax Shepard?

  Life or death.

• 1:51:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could do it.

• 1:51:54Dax Shepard?

  I think some of us rely a little too much. Like, we're gonna get a big bump once the adrenaline hits. We'll know Kung Fu as soon as that adrenaline spike happens.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And I, I also remember in, um, School, they would, you know, we'd be doing like fire safety week or something.

• 1:52:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:12Speaker 01

  And they would tell you, like, have a game plan, have an escape route at your house, have like a plan.

• 1:52:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:19Speaker 01

  And so I told my parents, like, we're, we need to come up with a plan, and they said no.

• 1:52:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:52:25Speaker 01

  They had no interest.

• 1:52:27Dax Shepard?

  Play that.

• 1:52:28Speaker 01

  They thought it was a silly waste of time.

• 1:52:30Dax Shepard?

  Now, if we believe there's any power in manifesting, which we do.

• 1:52:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:52:35Dax Shepard?

  I was listening to your first episode of Best Dad.

• 1:52:38Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:52:38Dax Shepard?

  And they're reading, uh, for people who haven't listened to it yet, uh, you're going through your history, which was you were a fan of their show.

• 1:52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:52:45Dax Shepard?

  And then you had written them emails.

• 1:52:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:52:48Dax Shepard?

  And then they had access to those emails.

• 1:52:50Speaker 01

  So embarrassing.

• 1:52:51Dax Shepard?

  Were you prepared for them to that quickly be able to produce these emails from 10 years ago?

• 1:52:56Speaker 01

  No, he just, he, he just did a little quick search. It's so easy to pull up, it was so embarrassing.

• 1:53:03Dax Shepard?

  But you say out loud on there, I hope I'm a guest on your show one day.

• 1:53:08Speaker 01

  I know. Isn't that wild?

• 1:53:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I'm like, I'm caught in the same spot you are, right? Like, I'm thinking, if I was reading, like, this was all happening to me, I'd have the same embarrassment you have.

• 1:53:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:20Dax Shepard?

  And then I have, like, some judgment of people who are forward.

• 1:53:24Speaker 01

  You do?

• 1:53:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like, when people hand people scripts in restaurants and stuff, I'm like, no, that's not how you do it.

• 1:53:31Speaker 01

  Sure, sure.

• 1:53:32Dax Shepard?

  Like, you go through the channels like everyone else, there's no shortcut, you know? But then.

• 1:53:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:38Dax Shepard?

  I, I hear this story, and I'm like, well, then also that's true.

• 1:53:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:43Dax Shepard?

  You ended up on their show. And them on yours.

• 1:53:47Speaker 01

  I did, that's right.

• 1:53:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's, it's funny that that's your takeaway, because I, and I do think it's so specific to who you are.

• 1:53:54Dax Shepard?

  And you know I hate asking people for stuff, like, my own hangups?

• 1:53:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:53:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:53:59Speaker 01

  Um, cause Anna and I were talking about this, she listened and she heard that part, and she texted me and said, I almost started crying when I heard that email.

• 1:54:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:12Speaker 01

  She was like, it was so sweet, and you're just such a go-getter.

• 1:54:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, I thought that too.

• 1:54:19Speaker 01

  And I was like.

• 1:54:20Dax Shepard?

  Sending emails and.

• 1:54:22Speaker 01

  Which.

• 1:54:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:23Speaker 01

  And then it was a weird sim because. Earlier that day, Jess and I were talking about hustlers and is that learned? Or is that who you are? Is that like a nature or nurture, basically?

• 1:54:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:35Speaker 01

  And, and we were kinda talking about the group, our group of friends and who is one and who isn't one.

• 1:54:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, uh huh.

• 1:54:42Speaker 01

  And he was like, you are one. And I was like, I am, I am.

• 1:54:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:46Speaker 01

  I think that's right. And then this was sort of like a weird confirmation.

• 1:54:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:51Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:54:51Dax Shepard?

  And I think being a hustler is as cool as it gets. I think that's one of the.

• 1:54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:54:55Dax Shepard?

  That's a descriptor of me. I'd love to have someone say.

• 1:54:59Speaker 01

  I think it's just like, I don't, that's the only option. Like, I think that's the only option of getting anywhere.

• 1:55:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:55:08Speaker 01

  Like you waiting, waiting around, that is just not gonna happen. I think there are very specific lines that I feel I know not to cross. That are just in my gut.

• 1:55:22Dax Shepard?

  The ones you decided, yeah, yeah, yeah. They happen to be other people's lines. Like, that's all life is. Like, you, you know, you run into someone and that, that to them is also the line and it jives.

• 1:55:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and there is.

• 1:55:34Dax Shepard?

  Cause there isn't a right or wrong line.

• 1:55:35Speaker 01

  No, there's no right or wrong. It depends on who you're talking to, who you're connecting with. And I do think there's a, for me, I do think I also have a level of self-awareness.

• 1:55:45Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:55:45Speaker 01

  And awareness of others, a heightened awareness of others. So I'm kind of like, that person probably is a no, this person is a yes. But even like, even with writing the letter to Jen and, like, that is, that is just like, I'm, I'm going for it.

• 1:56:00Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:56:01Speaker 01

  Cause why, you know?

• 1:56:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:03Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 1:56:03Dax Shepard?

  I have other domains of I'm going for it, but the just like, reaching out and asking is so hard for me.

• 1:56:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:56:10Dax Shepard?

  I'm doing it more and more and more.

• 1:56:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, I have to, I just, I don't have a problem asking.

• 1:56:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good quality, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:19Speaker 01

  But anyhow, how we gonna?

• 1:56:21Dax Shepard?

  Manifest.

• 1:56:22Speaker 01

  Oh, manifest, yeah.

• 1:56:24Dax Shepard?

  So like you manifested that whole relationship.

• 1:56:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:56:26Dax Shepard?

  It's in writing.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  Full circle, yeah.

• 1:56:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's in writing.

• 1:56:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:29Speaker 01

  I manifested a lot of relationships.

• 1:56:31Dax Shepard?

  And I was just like, and you, you, you explicitly stated, but while I'm listening to her response to you, I'm like. Well, no doubt she's gonna end up in a murky situation.

• 1:56:43Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:56:44Dax Shepard?

  Elizabeth.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:45Dax Shepard?

  Cause, and by the way, these are my favorite kind of people.

• 1:56:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:49Dax Shepard?

  No boundaries.

• 1:56:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:50Dax Shepard?

  Um, like, her third responses to you is like, will you marry me? And I'm like, yeah, this is like, I'm so much like her.

• 1:56:57Speaker 01

  No, you, I think you are boundaried. You're good at, you're good at that.

• 1:57:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, maybe more the kind of BDP, uh, like, I fall for people. I love people pretty quickly.

• 1:57:08Speaker 01

  Sure, sure.

• 1:57:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, which lacks some boundaries.

• 1:57:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:57:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:57:13Speaker 01

  But you would not have found yourself in the situation she ended up finding.

• 1:57:20Dax Shepard?

  That's true, that's true, that's true.

• 1:57:21Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:57:22Dax Shepard?

  But it just, it's like, it's all right there in the intro of this kind of innocuous, inane backstory. And you're like, well, of course Elizabeth can end up in something murky.

• 1:57:32Speaker 01

  Situation.

• 1:57:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's a lot of things being examined.

• 1:57:35Speaker 01

  A ton.

• 1:57:36Dax Shepard?

  And I applaud her honesty and lack of any kind of, she's just very honest about it. Like, you're like, how, did your ego like getting these letters? And he's like, yes, loved it.

• 1:57:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:45Dax Shepard?

  Loved, yeah.

• 1:57:46Speaker 01

  It's the most complicated journey for her, definitely, by far, of the, of the three of us. And, um, and she does have to confront a lot of personal things.

• 1:57:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:57:58Speaker 01

  Personal behaviors throughout because it's about parasocial relationships, but both ways.

• 1:58:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:58:05Speaker 01

  And it is, it's a tricky, it's a tricky world.

• 1:58:09Dax Shepard?

  It is, it is.

• 1:58:10Speaker 01

  It's a tricky world.

• 1:58:11Dax Shepard?

  I just was on a hike with my brother, Peter Krause.

• 1:58:14Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:58:15Dax Shepard?

  And Larry Trilling, our father, our directing father. It was the sweetest hike a couple of days ago. And, yeah, we were talking about, between the three of us, we've all been close enough to several people who have gone to the absolute top of the status mountain. And, yeah, it was our, kind of our conclusion that, like, even the level Peter and I have is a lot to manage.

• 1:58:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:39Dax Shepard?

  Successfully, and to not become a narcissist and an asshole and all this stuff.

• 1:58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:44Dax Shepard?

  And obviously, Peter and I have only experienced, like, really a 25th of what's out there. And we all kind of concluded that we certainly know a lot fewer people that manage that successfully than we do. Successfully, it's, it's, it's such, uh...

• 1:59:03Dax Shepard?

  An abnormal experience for a human designed to know 100 people to have tens of millions of people love them.

• 1:59:10Speaker 01

  It's unnatural.

• 1:59:11Dax Shepard?

  And good luck. And I'm not judgmental of anybody who doesn't manage that well because like it's so bizarre.

• 1:59:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:59:19Dax Shepard?

  And confusing, I think. And ultimately ironically lonely. I think that's where all these, most of these cases lead to really a lot of isolation and loneliness, which is the opposite of what your fantasy was.

• 1:59:32Speaker 01

  I know, and I also think it blur, it gets confusing. Who you're servicing in life gets confusing.

• 1:59:39Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:59:40Speaker 01

  And who your close people are versus who is everyone versus like, I do think it's lonely and scary and hard, hard to manage.

• 1:59:51Dax Shepard?

  And the thing I can relate to a lot is I think for many people, it's like they don't enjoy it and they're afraid it's gonna go away.

• 1:59:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:59Dax Shepard?

  Which is the weirdest.

• 2:00:00Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:00:01Dax Shepard?

  Mental space to be in.

• 2:00:03Speaker 01

  Because it feels like.

• 2:00:05Dax Shepard?

  You've lost something.

• 2:00:07Speaker 01

  That you've lost, which but then it doesn't feel like love when you're engaged in it.

• 2:00:13Dax Shepard?

  No, and it seems to be the outcome of the goal you set. So it's like, well, if that goes away, then the thing I was chasing, I, I must also say goodbye to.

• 2:00:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess.

• 2:00:25Dax Shepard?

  My hat's off to the few that have like, are somehow completely normal after that bizarre human experience.

• 2:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, really strange.

• 2:00:33Dax Shepard?

  But there's, they're few and far between.

• 2:00:35Speaker 01

  People who have handled it well are the most evolved people on earth because you have to do the hardest thing, which is really fundamentally understand that what anyone else says about you doesn't matter.

• 2:00:54Dax Shepard?

  And choose to chase the validation that's hard to get and not the one that's right there and easy to consume. It's almost like junk food versus protein. It's like. The real self-esteem comes from the service and the being available to others and the

• 2:01:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:12Dax Shepard?

  Making yourself suffer and all the things, you know, basically anything you don't want to do is going to lead to self-esteem.

• 2:01:17Speaker 01

  The human parts, not the like celebrity parts or famous parts or those things. Yeah.

• 2:01:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So it's like what you have this at all times. You're at a salad bar and there's like a humongous dessert bar and then there's a little bowl of broccoli. And for the few people that can just pick that broccoli.

• 2:01:37Speaker 01

  It's hard.

• 2:01:37Dax Shepard?

  I think a lot of it has to do too with how grounding of a relationship you're in and how like equal footed the relationship is.

• 2:01:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:46Dax Shepard?

  I think that can help people not get too untethered. Like a person I can say who's completely fucking normal and as famous as it gets is Kimmel.

• 2:01:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:56Dax Shepard?

  Like somehow Kimmel.

• 2:01:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:58Dax Shepard?

  Is a completely normal dude. He's the same dude I met 21 years ago and I my hunch is he, he was the same then as he was 21 years before that.

• 2:02:06Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 2:02:06Dax Shepard?

  And the things that are obvious to me in his life is that like he's completely surrounded by his family at all times.

• 2:02:13Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 2:02:14Dax Shepard?

  He is not like at all distance himself from his family.

• 2:02:17Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 2:02:18Dax Shepard?

  They all work with him. They're all everywhere with him.

• 2:02:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's so loyal.

• 2:02:23Dax Shepard?

  And a lot of his focus is endlessly on like, like his, his hobbies, getting people present. So he's like just endlessly thinking about or noticing someone like this and having something special made. So it's like his hobby is something not self-focused.

• 2:02:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:02:40Dax Shepard?

  And then the family's around all the time and then his wife's a gangster and not going to be out-leveraged or out-talked.

• 2:02:46Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 2:02:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He should write a book, how to be a successful A-list.

• 2:02:50Speaker 01

  He really should.

• 2:02:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:52Speaker 01

  That's why that best boy award, not very many people get it, you know?

• 2:02:56Dax Shepard?

  It's an exclusive.

• 2:02:59Speaker 01

  Pretty rare.

• 2:02:59Dax Shepard?

  Pretty, pretty rare. Have you tried Capital Grill yet?

• 2:03:03Speaker 01

  No, is it good?

• 2:03:04Dax Shepard?

  You should try it. I took my mom and Dan there yesterday for lunch.

• 2:03:07Speaker 01

  Is it in Beverly Hills?

• 2:03:08Dax Shepard?

  No, it's right next to Warner Brothers.

• 2:03:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so it's very close.

• 2:03:13Speaker 01

  What'd you get?

• 2:03:13Dax Shepard?

  And they're not popular yet. So you can just go in there, which is not gonna last long.

• 2:03:20Speaker 01

  Not now.

• 2:03:21Dax Shepard?

  Probably not now, but I also want them to stay in business because I love it.

• 2:03:24Speaker 01

  This is Steakhouse.

• 2:03:25Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it's very Houston's adjacent.

• 2:03:28Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 2:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they got like artichoke and really fresh vegetables and tomatoes outrageous. The meat's incredible. I just discovered it maybe a month and a half ago and I've been four times now.

• 2:03:40Speaker 01

  What do you get? What's your order?

• 2:03:42Dax Shepard?

  The lamb chops.

• 2:03:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 2:03:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they've got an incredible French onion soup.

• 2:03:47Speaker 01

  We love French onion soup.

• 2:03:48Dax Shepard?

  Crock or cup, crock.

• 2:03:50Speaker 01

  Wow, yum.

• 2:03:52Dax Shepard?

  Beautiful salad, the artichokes, uh, it's great.

• 2:03:55Speaker 01

  Sounds like it probably is a good martini.

• 2:03:57Dax Shepard?

  Guaranteed, the bar's 29 feet, it's longer than that. Bar's probably 50 feet long.

• 2:04:03Speaker 01

  I wanna go, maybe I'll go now.

• 2:04:05Dax Shepard?

  You should go in there and get shitfaced in like the middle of the afternoon. It looks like a great place to.

• 2:04:08Speaker 01

  That sounds really nice. I'm going to Houston's tonight.

• 2:04:12Dax Shepard?

  You are?

• 2:04:12Speaker 01

  With Elizabeth and Andy because.

• 2:04:14Dax Shepard?

  To celebrate?

• 2:04:15Speaker 01

  We launched today and then she, uh, that's where we decided to make it.

• 2:04:20Dax Shepard?

  At Houston's, okay, great.

• 2:04:22Speaker 01

  All right, shall we do some facts?

• 2:04:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, let's do some facts.

• 2:04:24Speaker 01

  Okay, some facts from Malala, not very many facts.

• 2:04:28Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:04:28Speaker 01

  Not very fact-heavy.

• 2:04:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what are you gonna say? She didn't feel lonely?

• 2:04:32Speaker 01

  Well, I did look that up.

• 2:04:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:04:36Speaker 01

  No, um, okay, so her friend was telling her how to drink tea properly.

• 2:04:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, not hit the sides of the cup.

• 2:04:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, and, uh, you joked that she, that she should have been like, bitch, we invented tea.

• 2:04:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I also remember you having a moment in your life where you learned how to do tea.

• 2:04:55Speaker 01

  Did I? Maybe.

• 2:04:58Dax Shepard?

  I heard the whole don't hit the sides thing and it wasn't from Erin Weekly.

• 2:05:01Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:05:02Dax Shepard?

  It was either you or Kristen.

• 2:05:03Speaker 01

  It was probably Kristen.

• 2:05:04Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:05:05Speaker 01

  Maybe when she had lunch with the queen.

• 2:05:07Dax Shepard?

  She never had lunch with the queen, but.

• 2:05:10Speaker 01

  In her dreams.

• 2:05:11Dax Shepard?

  Maybe, yeah, I mean, there was a phase, tea phases are fun.

• 2:05:16Speaker 01

  I love tea, I drink tea. Every morning.

• 2:05:17Dax Shepard?

  You start pedestrian style. You get the bag.

• 2:05:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05:20Dax Shepard?

  Dip dip dip. Lipton iced tea. Everyone's done it.

• 2:05:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 2:05:23Dax Shepard?

  Um.

• 2:05:23Speaker 01

  Classic.

• 2:05:24Dax Shepard?

  And you can graduate to like raw tea and then the little steel basket.

• 2:05:28Speaker 01

  Yep, the steeping in the basket.

• 2:05:31Dax Shepard?

  And we were doing that for a minute. I was like really into English breakfast tea for a while. You know why I stopped?

• 2:05:37Speaker 01

  Why?

• 2:05:37Dax Shepard?

  Vanity.

• 2:05:38Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 2:05:39Dax Shepard?

  It's I think the highest on the teens teeth staining spectrum.

• 2:05:43Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. How are my teeth?

• 2:05:46Dax Shepard?

  They're still white as fuck, but you were just you were blessed. You've got straight, big, white teeth.

• 2:05:52Speaker 01

  No, that I didn't know that. That's very scary. I've been drinking it. I drink it every morning.

• 2:05:58Dax Shepard?

  You better brush right after.

• 2:05:59Speaker 01

  I brushed before.

• 2:06:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, you gotta change the order.

• 2:06:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:06:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You should look up the list. There's like, you know, between coffee, wine, but tea is like, tea will get you, girl.

• 2:06:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:06:10Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever noticed people drink tea? Like it'll it stains the cup. Coffee never stains the cup.

• 2:06:15Speaker 01

  Well, is it? But do you think maybe maybe mine's not as bad because I put a little milk in there?

• 2:06:20Dax Shepard?

  No, it's probably just put that's sugar. So you're just adding an adhesive to the the dye.

• 2:06:25Speaker 01

  I don't add sugar, just milk. Are you saying the sugar's in the milk?

• 2:06:28Dax Shepard?

  The lactose is sugar.

• 2:06:30Speaker 01

  Okay, but it makes the color much more diluted.

• 2:06:33Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 2:06:34Speaker 01

  It's like a very light.

• 2:06:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, just imagine, great. If your teeth were the color of your tea after you put milk in it, would you be happy with that?

• 2:06:41Speaker 01

  No, but I also been doing this for like five years. Like I don't and it's so far so good.

• 2:06:47Dax Shepard?

  Do you think they'll ever learn to tattoo teeth? And do you think people ever reject white teeth? Because like white teeth, what is?

• 2:06:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:06:53Dax Shepard?

  Why we're all so drawn to white teeth? I guess it looks clean.

• 2:06:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:06:57Dax Shepard?

  It looks healthy.

• 2:06:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:06:58Dax Shepard?

  Like it's it's a clearly some evolutionary signal we're getting that we all are universally like we'd prefer the teeth white.

• 2:07:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:07:05Dax Shepard?

  You can't say it's just like, oh, marketing got you. That's not it.

• 2:07:08Speaker 01

  You're right. It is. It's like an indicator that your body is healthy.

• 2:07:13Dax Shepard?

  Yes. It's like the whites of your eyes.

• 2:07:16Speaker 01

  Right. How are mine?

• 2:07:17Dax Shepard?

  Always great. I'm envious. I have to add, but I have to add drops.

• 2:07:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. That's because you don't sleep well, so you.

• 2:07:25Dax Shepard?

  I'm an allergy machine. You know, I constantly got something.

• 2:07:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but your teeth are white.

• 2:07:30Dax Shepard?

  Well, I brushed the shit out of them and I did stop drinking tea specifically because I.

• 2:07:35Speaker 01

  That sucks.

• 2:07:37Dax Shepard?

  I don't want to drive down the tea market. I hope it thrives.

• 2:07:41Speaker 01

  Let's do, I mean, it's that's you are a negative and I'm a positive, so that evens out.

• 2:07:46Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so it's neutral.

• 2:07:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:07:47Dax Shepard?

  But I do think you should look it up.

• 2:07:51Speaker 01

  Don't want to do that. Um, what if like, if you start noticing people's teeth are like brownish? I guess you should just be like, do you drink a lot of tea?

• 2:07:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes, go like, oh, cool. I love Ingy Bricky too. We should have a glass. What? How do you know I like Ingy's Bricks? Because your tea is the color of a fucking bottom of the lake in the fall.

• 2:08:08Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Okay. Wow. Do I brush my teeth before?

• 2:08:13Dax Shepard?

  You should do it after.

• 2:08:14Speaker 01

  I think it depends on the day.

• 2:08:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, in your time schedule.

• 2:08:18Speaker 01

  Exactly. I guess I should do it before and after. Although I actually.

• 2:08:21Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:08:22Speaker 01

  I know. I don't like drinking something right after I brush my teeth because like, you know, toothpaste taste.

• 2:08:28Dax Shepard?

  It funks it up.

• 2:08:29Speaker 01

  But I also do kind of fundamentally not want to put anything in my body until my teeth are clean.

• 2:08:37Dax Shepard?

  So you know what I do? Maybe this, so I wake up and I brew my coffee. It sits next to me while I meditate. As you already know, but before I'm done meditating, I'm like, okay, I get to have my coffee. But first I take a big sip of really clean, fresh water.

• 2:08:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:08:55Dax Shepard?

  And I even kind of, just a little bit. I want a nice, clean palate for this coffee I'm about to receive.

• 2:09:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:09:01Dax Shepard?

  So maybe just have a nice, heavy glass of, of mouthful of fresh, it's gotta be fresh, good water.

• 2:09:08Speaker 01

  Like Tahoe.

• 2:09:09Dax Shepard?

  Don't promote.

• 2:09:12Speaker 01

  Tahoeartisan.com.

• 2:09:13Dax Shepard?

  Shut up.

• 2:09:16Speaker 01

  The issue is I don't want what's in my mouth down my gullet.

• 2:09:19Dax Shepard?

  That's crazy. It came from your gullet.

• 2:09:21Speaker 01

  I, but yeah, now it needs to come out.

• 2:09:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:09:24Speaker 01

  Needs to be clean. The germs need to go away.

• 2:09:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, here's my pitch.

• 2:09:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:09:28Dax Shepard?

  I have a spittoon that I ended up getting for Christmas the year I quit dipping.

• 2:09:33Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 2:09:33Dax Shepard?

  It's a bummer. It breaks my heart.

• 2:09:35Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:09:36Dax Shepard?

  Get a spittoon like the one I have.

• 2:09:38Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:09:39Dax Shepard?

  Uh, big, fresh, clean mouthful of water.

• 2:09:43Speaker 01

  Gargle.

• 2:09:44Dax Shepard?

  Spit it in your spittoon.

• 2:09:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:09:46Dax Shepard?

  Then consume your tea, then brush your teeth.

• 2:09:49Speaker 01

  Okay, I'll consider.

• 2:09:50Dax Shepard?

  It's a lot of stuff to have this tea.

• 2:09:51Speaker 01

  It is a lot of stuff.

• 2:09:52Dax Shepard?

  Or switch to coffee.

• 2:09:54Speaker 01

  I'll think about it. Okay, but bitch, we invented tea. Actually, technically, China is the country that invented tea.

• 2:10:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm not shocked, but the Indian, wasn't the Indian spice trade also tea and spice or no?

• 2:10:11Speaker 01

  Uh, I mean, the, the tea.

• 2:10:14Dax Shepard?

  The English went down to India and they wanted shit. They wanted the spices and I thought the tea.

• 2:10:19Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 2:10:20Dax Shepard?

  Darjeeling tea?

• 2:10:22Speaker 01

  Yep. Yeah. I don't know.

• 2:10:26Dax Shepard?

  Enough about the history of tea.

• 2:10:27Speaker 01

  I don't, except it is saying here China, but the issue is. I do think you're right. We think tea is very Indian, but I actually think it's British.

• 2:10:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you know what? This is an old fact I've said in the past.

• 2:10:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:10:43Dax Shepard?

  And you're not gonna believe this.

• 2:10:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:10:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, this is so fascinating. Do you know how many different kinds of tea there are?

• 2:10:49Speaker 01

  Oh, one.

• 2:10:50Dax Shepard?

  There's only one.

• 2:10:51Speaker 01

  You told me that.

• 2:10:52Dax Shepard?

  There is only one.

• 2:10:53Speaker 01

  That makes no sense.

• 2:10:54Dax Shepard?

  It's how you dry it, which turns it into English breakfast or green tea or anything like. Green tea is really fresh. It's not been dried out a bunch.

• 2:11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:11:03Dax Shepard?

  But it's all the same bush.

• 2:11:05Speaker 01

  So the black tea versus the green tea versus chai?

• 2:11:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's all the same. So what my guess is that the bush is probably originally from China. And they were probably doing green tea and then the Indians got their hands on it and they were like, fuck, hold on. Let's drive this to high heaven and see what we get.

• 2:11:23Speaker 01

  Play with it.

• 2:11:23Dax Shepard?

  And I think they must have invented the third one you said.

• 2:11:27Speaker 01

  Chai.

• 2:11:27Dax Shepard?

  Chai.

• 2:11:28Speaker 01

  Well, chai, so this is one of the chai.

• 2:11:31Dax Shepard?

  Chai means tea.

• 2:11:32Speaker 01

  It means tea.

• 2:11:33Dax Shepard?

  I know, people like that.

• 2:11:33Speaker 01

  So it's tea tea.

• 2:11:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay, though, people are really mad when I say chai tea. Like, they'll correct me.

• 2:11:38Speaker 01

  No one needs to get mad about it, but it's, it's also okay that it is, it does mean tea.

• 2:11:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's, that's great.

• 2:11:46Speaker 01

  It means tea, um, but chai has more spices, like the Indian tea has more spices and stuff.

• 2:11:55Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:11:56Speaker 01

  My mom makes me tea when I'm home and she always asks, do you want like the spices and stuff in it?

• 2:12:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:12:01Speaker 01

  I normally say yes.

• 2:12:02Dax Shepard?

  You know, in Italy, they say chaybello.

• 2:12:05Speaker 01

  And bellissimo, as you learn.

• 2:12:07Dax Shepard?

  And bellissimo.

• 2:12:09Speaker 01

  Um, okay, yeah, so China, uh.

• 2:12:12Dax Shepard?

  Well, good for them. I did watch the history of tea on the History of Channel, which is how I learned that it's all one bush.

• 2:12:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:12:19Dax Shepard?

  And I kinda wish I remembered why India is so.

• 2:12:23Speaker 01

  Connected.

• 2:12:23Dax Shepard?

  Connected to it.

• 2:12:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. So there's two main varieties of the plant. One is in China and one is in India.

• 2:12:30Dax Shepard?

  Ooh.

• 2:12:31Speaker 01

  But yeah, it's the oxidation process that makes the teas different.

• 2:12:36Dax Shepard?

  Now.

• 2:12:36Speaker 01

  On Wikipedia, it has like nothing.

• 2:12:38Dax Shepard?

  Rwanda's gone all in on tea growing.

• 2:12:42Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:12:43Dax Shepard?

  And I stayed at a place that was in a tea plantation.

• 2:12:46Speaker 01

  Oh, cool.

• 2:12:47Dax Shepard?

  And they're gorgeous. Like the field of tea leaves is beautiful. It was very enchanted.

• 2:12:54Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 2:12:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:12:55Speaker 01

  Do you think I should at my house do a tea bush?

• 2:12:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I do. If, if we have the climate to support that, which I think we might, I don't know if it's moist, moist enough here, but.

• 2:13:04Speaker 01

  I mean, according to my dad, it's the same as India.

• 2:13:08Dax Shepard?

  Well, Santa Barbara's the same, isn't it? Yeah.

• 2:13:10Speaker 01

  Santa Barbara's the same. Okay, the movie Yes Man, yeah, that was a year that I needed to say yes.

• 2:13:17Dax Shepard?

  One whole year.

• 2:13:17Speaker 01

  Mm hmm, mm hmm.

• 2:13:20Dax Shepard?

  Great concept.

• 2:13:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 2:13:22Dax Shepard?

  I liked that movie.

• 2:13:22Speaker 01

  Okay, famous wonderkins.

• 2:13:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 2:13:25Speaker 01

  Mozart, oh.

• 2:13:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:13:28Speaker 01

  I thought it was a bug, but it was actually my mouse. That was embarrassing.

• 2:13:33Dax Shepard?

  You're bringing up a really, you're about to do wonderkins and I was in this really complicated dilemma.

• 2:13:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:13:39Dax Shepard?

  Delta was reading me a story she wrote.

• 2:13:41Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 2:13:41Dax Shepard?

  It's awesome. She wrote this like five page story about leaving Arizona to go to college in Cleveland.

• 2:13:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:13:48Dax Shepard?

  And, and her uncle's like looking out for her and encourages her to plant in this empty lot where people grow things. And then her mom gets cancer and she has to come back to Arizona. And it's, this is a great story and the details are incredible. But she, there is a line that said like, I was nineteen and in my third year of college and I was like, oh, do I tell her she would have to be sixteen when she entered and people generally enter at eighteen and was she a wonderkin? And I thought like, oh, is she, maybe I could ask gently like, oh, is she a wonderkin? And then I was like, who gives a flying fuck?

• 2:14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 2:14:22Dax Shepard?

  Just enjoyed that story and I did.

• 2:14:24Speaker 01

  Good.

• 2:14:25Dax Shepard?

  The better angels of my nature prevailed.

• 2:14:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:14:28Dax Shepard?

  But like you're, as a parent, you're constantly like, do I need to teach them this?

• 2:14:31Speaker 01

  I know and I would, I would also be struggling with that.

• 2:14:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think I chose right. Who the fuck cares? If it's an issue, I guess her teacher will say like, hey, P S U would have been.

• 2:14:41Speaker 01

  Also, it's like we could just fill in our own gaps. Like, I guess she's a wonderkin.

• 2:14:46Dax Shepard?

  She's a wonderkin or maybe she did two years of like community college while she's going to high school and entered with.

• 2:14:52Speaker 01

  She just had a lot of credits.

• 2:14:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of credits.

• 2:14:55Dax Shepard?

  And she was technically in her third year of college, even though it was her first year of university. I don't know.

• 2:14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:14:59Dax Shepard?

  But I was just like, it took over for a minute.

• 2:15:02Speaker 01

  My cousin's son, he started college when he was like fifteen.

• 2:15:06Dax Shepard?

  Ah, I don't think it's a good idea.

• 2:15:08Speaker 01

  He's a wonderkin.

• 2:15:10Dax Shepard?

  These wonderkids never, I just read this terrible, there was a headline about like this, there was a wonderkid chess champion who just died at twenty-nine. He was like a chess grandmaster in his teens, but I just was like, the whole wonderkin thing is scary. These prizes is like impossible to live up to.

• 2:15:25Speaker 01

  It's really hard and the pressure's too much because they're still a kid.

• 2:15:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:15:31Speaker 01

  But he's giving up his career to run for city office, city council.

• 2:15:37Dax Shepard?

  Who is?

• 2:15:38Speaker 01

  My, my cousin's son.

• 2:15:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 2:15:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:15:41Dax Shepard?

  So it's panned out for him?

• 2:15:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, he's running for the city of Redmond. Um, okay, Mozart, uh, Marie Curie. I didn't know she was a wonderkin, but she was.

• 2:15:54Dax Shepard?

  I thought she was old as hell when she, when she invented penicillin.

• 2:15:58Speaker 01

  She invented something.

• 2:16:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think discovered antibiotics.

• 2:16:04Speaker 01

  Radioactivity?

• 2:16:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:16:06Speaker 01

  Radiant pioneering research on radioactivity with. Cre- uh.

• 2:16:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so she's.

• 2:16:11Speaker 01

  I also thought maybe she did the Red Cross.

• 2:16:14Dax Shepard?

  No, I think that's um.

• 2:16:16Speaker 01

  What is the point of going to school?

• 2:16:18Dax Shepard?

  Joan of Arc name, I think.

• 2:16:19Speaker 01

  Okay, let's see.

• 2:16:20Dax Shepard?

  There's obviously not Joan of Arc, but I think it's like.

• 2:16:23Speaker 01

  Clarissa Harlow Barton. Barton?

• 2:16:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:16:26Speaker 01

  Maybe she's related.

• 2:16:26Dax Shepard?

  I'm Dave Buttons.

• 2:16:29Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I don't. Know why anyone goes to school because I obvi- I remember doing a report on. Marie Curie.

• 2:16:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:16:40Speaker 01

  And obviously, I remember nothing.

• 2:16:42Dax Shepard?

  Me too, and I think she invented penicillin.

• 2:16:45Speaker 01

  And I think she invented the Red Cross.

• 2:16:48Dax Shepard?

  Uh, I was thinking of Florence Nightingale. Who's Florence Nightingale?

• 2:16:51Speaker 01

  She's a, she's a Joan of Arc type.

• 2:16:54Dax Shepard?

  Isn't Florence Nightingale something about medicine and medical?

• 2:16:57Speaker 01

  English statistician.

• 2:16:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:16:59Speaker 01

  But the founder of modern nursing?

• 2:17:01Dax Shepard?

  Ma- there we go.

• 2:17:02Speaker 01

  Oh, nursing.

• 2:17:04Dax Shepard?

  Modern nursing. Modern nursing.

• 2:17:07Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. Um, okay, well, there's a lot of other Picasso.

• 2:17:13Dax Shepard?

  He was a wonderkin?

• 2:17:14Speaker 01

  It says. It says that. Um, your favorite guy, von Neumann.

• 2:17:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, but he's like the definition of a wonderkin. Like solving math problems no one can solve at 12 years old.

• 2:17:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but he fucking delivered. He's like one of the rare ones that delivered.

• 2:17:32Speaker 01

  But he also died.

• 2:17:33Dax Shepard?

  Janusz von Neumann.

• 2:17:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, and Bobby Fischer, speaking of chess.

• 2:17:38Dax Shepard?

  Yes, Crazy Doc.

• 2:17:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want to watch that. I need to remember that. There's some other people. Doogie.

• 2:17:45Dax Shepard?

  Douglas Howser, indeed.

• 2:17:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:48Dax Shepard?

  Uh, Ronan Farrow.

• 2:17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:17:51Speaker 01

  Ronan, famous wonderkin. All right, well, that's it.

• 2:17:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, well, that was fun. We asked more questions than we answered, which is my favorite kind of fact.

• 2:18:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's always good.

• 2:18:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, love Malala.

• 2:18:04Speaker 01

  Love Malala.

• 2:18:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:18:06Speaker 01

  Love wonderkins.

• 2:18:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, wonderkins are great.

• 2:18:09Speaker 01

  Bye, love you.

• 2:18:10Dax Shepard?

  Love you.