Why I Got Sober (for entrepreneurs)

Sam (@theSamParr) gets real in this episode. He talks about his struggles with alcohol and the reasons why he is now sober. He shares 8 lessons he learned from his experiences. He ends the episode by answering questions he received on Twitter. --------- * Want to be featured in a future episode? Drop your question/comment/criticism/love here: https://www.mfmpod.com/p/hotline/ * Support the pod by spreading the word, become a referrer here: https://refer.fm/million * Have you joined our private Facebook group yet? Go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/ourfirstmillion and join thousands of other entrepreneurs and founders scheming up ideas. --------- Show notes: * (0:00) - Intro * (3:56) - How it started - Sam's background with alcohol * (11:24) - The first turning point [oasis] * (13:36) - Asking for help [university clinic] * (14:49) - Going to California * (17:41) - The second turning point [Joe Garvin] * (20:07) - Getting help [SF Clinic] * (23:13) - Coping while sober [eating sugar] * (24:39) - What Sam has learned * (25:46) - Lesson 1 - The inner game * (27:26) - Lesson 2 - Being open * (29:33) - Lesson 3 - Booze messes up your body * (31:16) - Lesson 4 - Sober Sam = Attractive Sam * (33:04) - Lesson 5 - Having fun while sober * (35:14) - Lesson 6 - Intense realism * (36:57) - Lesson 7 - Control your emotions, control your reality * (37:17) - Lesson 8 - Saving $$$ * (37:58) - Q&A

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sam Parr?

  All right. Today is a special episode. So this is going to be a video on YouTube, but also on the podcast. So if you're listening to this, you're probably on my YouTube, or you are on the My First Million podcast. If you're on my YouTube, then you probably don't know me. But basically, my name's Sam Parr. I'm most popular because I started this company called The Hustle, and I recently just sold it to HubSpot. It was a really big deal for me and my family, and it was a pretty good exit. It was a popular media company that I sold. So millions of people read us each day, know who we are. And I guess you can kind of say I'm a successful entrepreneur. I mean, a lot of people would say that. There's people that are way more successful, obviously. But that's what I'm

• 0:44Sam Parr?

  known for. But I'm also the host of a podcast that my company owned, and it's one of the top 10 business podcasts. And we talk about cool ideas, and we brainstorm different ideas, and we have a lot of famous guests on it. And it's really cool podcast. It's called My First Million. We just brainstorm. I mean, it's to simplify it. But today, I'm talking about something kind of strange, something kind of different. So I've been sober for about seven or eight, I think, seven years this July. And I stopped drinking when I was 23 or 24. I'm about 30 now, 30 now, 31. And

• 1:23Sam Parr?

  it's kind of weird to talk about this on a business podcast or a business channel. But a lot of people who are focused on business, or who are focused on high achievers, or achieving, they have a lot of the same things that I have, which is I love to go all in on stuff. I get obsessed about things. I can get addicted to things very easily. And those attributes are also what can be part of being an alcoholic and having substance addictions. And I had that, and I overcame it. And I wanted to talk about that. And interestingly, what made me Addicted to alcohol is actually what has made me a pretty successful entrepreneur

• 2:05Sam Parr?

  and fairly successful at a lot of different things I do in life. So I've got some notes here, so you might see me look at my notes every once in a while, but I've got a large Twitter following and I tweeted out to them that I was going to do this and I got hundreds of messages. So with people asking questions, so I'm gonna try and go through all of the questions that people answered, but I want to do today is I want to explain to you how I got addicted and what that was like, but then also how I fixed it. And then six or seven things that I learned and how my life changed and what I noticed about being sober after having an alcohol problem. So let's just start and get into it, but before I do, I do want to say, none of this is advice.

• 2:47Sam Parr?

  So maybe I'll, I'll, I'll say things in a sort of way where it sounds like I'm giving advice, but it's really just maybe my phrasing, but I do want to say right now, I'm not giving advice. Also, I've studied this a little bit from a science perspective, but not nearly enough that I should be considered an authoritative figure on, on, on anything related to addiction, on chemical imbalance, on depression, on anxiety, trauma. I'm not an expert. Again, I might phrase some things like saying like, well, I felt this way because of X, Y, and Z. This is really all my opinion. That's it. So I also don't think that you should give up drinking necessarily. I don't know who you are. I think for a lot of people, drinking can be great. It can make your life better, actually, but for people like me, it made it horrible and my life is way better now.

• 3:32Sam Parr?

  And if you're struggling with that, then this video will help you. But again, I'm not judging you. I'm not telling you, I think you should do this. And don't even think that what I'm saying is our facts, other than it's how I live my life. So I just wanted to say that because it's important that you don't put too much emphasis on this. Cause I know you see this guy on YouTube or you hear me in your earphones and for some reason you think that I have authority on this. I don't. So. I started drinking when I was about 16. I grew up in Missouri and I think it's part of like Midwestern America. I would say it's part of a lot of America, but particularly in Midwest America, there's not too much to do and you just go to parties when you're in high school and you start drinking. But I grew up in like a kind of a working class, normal family, middle-class

• 4:16Sam Parr?

  family, and drinking's part of the culture, you know, you're, you go to the bars on the weekends like with your family and it's, you go to soccer games and sports games and there's alcohol and as I grew up, you go to parties when you're 16, 17, 18 and you drink and it's just very normal, you know, like when we were younger, like fitness really wasn't a thing, eating healthy wasn't really a thing. So you just drink a lot and that was just kind of normal and I didn't really think anything of it. But as a young kid, very early on, I realized that I loved to go all in on stuff. So like if I could get my hand on a pack of cookies, I would eat the whole thing, even if it made me sick. If I got into running, which I did, I would run constantly. So I eventually went to, I got a scholarship, a

• 5:01Sam Parr?

  track and field scholarship, D1, because I love to run. I love to work out. I love to eat. I would never leave my plate with food on it. I just loved doing everything to the extreme. If I was going to, well, you get the idea. I just liked doing everything to the extreme. And I think I drank a bit in high school because I was really uncomfortable with myself. I think a lot of people are in high school, you're uncomfortable with yourself and I kind of became a little bit of a bully. I would bully people around a little bit, but I never really fit in and I was awkward and I would drink to fit in. And then I would also drink because I loved going all in on stuff. So if I tasted it, I wanted to go all in and I wanted to go be the extreme and I wanted to be a tough guy so I could drink a lot and still drive and or still keep going and have one more. It

• 5:44Sam Parr?

  kind of became a competition and whatever, you know, it was a Relatively normal high school, but then I went to college and when I went to college, I got into a serious relationship and after about two years it went south and I quit my sport. So I was a very competitive athlete. I was in wonderful shape, but I quit my sport and I was depressed. I basically kind of had like PTSD and I kind of went through trauma. And I think I had some stuff from my, my childhood that I still couldn't figure out why I was angry about, which we could talk about another time, but I used alcohol as a drug. And so, you know, at first in college, it was pretty normal. I would go out Thursday,

• 6:28Sam Parr?

  or maybe I went out at first like Friday and then Saturday and you're like hungover Saturday morning and you're hungover Sunday and on Friday and Saturday you stay up all night partying and you eat and at 3am and just do all the normal college stuff, but then I would party on a Thursday and then maybe on a Tuesday. And then I broke up with that girl and I got basically traumatized and I started to drink to cover up the pain that I felt. And it was a combination of I felt pain from some stuff as a kid. I felt pain because I was uncomfortable with myself because I wasn't very confident because I was overcompensating, but then also I had experienced trauma and I was trying to cover that up and numb that pain and I didn't want to face it and I didn't know how to face it.

• 7:11Sam Parr?

  I didn't even have the vocabulary, you know, growing up in the Midwest, like you don't, you don't really talk about your feelings that much and I didn't have the, the tools to handle that. And I went to drinking. It made me numb and I loved it, to be honest. It felt like I was a rock star. I could party all night and I woke up all haggard, feeling horrible, but for some reason I loved it and I eventually quit my sport. I didn't drop out of school, but I didn't go. I left all my friends. I moved to an apartment by myself where I didn't know anyone in this little house in a bad neighborhood and I would drink with my neighbors. And so my junior and senior year, I was basically intoxicated 24 hours a day practically for like three years maybe. And every day I would.

• 7:58Sam Parr?

  Get up, have a hangover from the night before. And I don't know if it's because my body was just bad at metabolizing the sugar, but I hangovers like I would get really, really bad. And so I would roll out of bed and I would always go to sleep with like three Miller Lights next to my bed and I would roll out of bed and I would drink a couple, about two or three, right before I even put my foot on the floor. And then I would get up, take a shower, while I'm in the shower, have one. And just throughout the day, I would basically have like a case, like a, like a 24 or 30 rack. And it wasn't good. I did that for two or three years. And then I was basically drunk during school and I was pretty smart, but I'd gotten straight A's up until that point. So I could get bad grades and still do okay.

• 8:43Sam Parr?

  And my school wasn't that hard. But I got by, but basically I don't remember a lot of the second half of college. It was not good and I would go to the bars by myself. I didn't have friends. I completely alienated myself. I would see my friends sometimes, but I would go to the bars by myself. I would meet people. I would, um, it was crazy. I, I would get in fights. I loved to fight and I would sleep outside a lot. You know, many times I woke up at the crack of dawn when the sun was coming up and I was like, oh my God, I'm sitting on a park bench. Where am I? I mean, I was crazy. I was out of it. I was mentally ill and I was a complete addict.

• 9:25Sam Parr?

  And it sucked, but I loved it. It felt like an adventure. I felt like a rock star. I previously was like pretty shredded when I was an athlete. Now I have like a beer belly and my body hurt me. I always had scrapes on my knees and on my elbows from falling. At that point, I, I actually have a fake tooth. Um, I had already had a fake tooth when I was a kid, but at one point like my fake tooth fell out and I looked, I just looked like a bum. I mean, it was, it was not good. I would, um, I got arrested a couple of times. I spent collectively maybe a week in jail. I got arrested three different times. Um, I went to court a few times and won and a couple of times didn't win and I got DUIs and.

• 10:10Sam Parr?

  Even after my DUI, I would still drink and drive and I basically planned my whole life around drinking. I couldn't plan anything Saturday morning because I knew I was going to be screwed up Friday. I eventually started a hot dog stand. A lot of people who follow my entrepreneurial career, the joke is, is that I started a hot dog stand and made a lot of money. The reason I started a hot dog stand was because I could get there at like noon, so I could wake up at 11, roll out of bed, go outside and I could have a red solo cup in my hand and it wouldn't be considered that weird to be drinking on the job while making money. Then I would go like pass out a little bit after like the noon to like three o'clock crowd and then I would go out to the bars and put my car outside the bars and I could still drink then and I could be around drunk people and I wouldn't have to go home till 3am and that's how I made a living. I started this

• 10:53Sam Parr?

  hot dog stand while I was in school and I basically did it because I didn't have a lot of money and I wanted to start a business where I could drink. It was not good. But again, I kinda loved it. The things I hated was I hated waking up and knowing I did something bad the night before based off of how hard my knees were. Like if my knees hurt me, then I know, oh, I fell all over the place. And if I was falling all over the place, I probably got in a fight. Like was my jaw sore? Like are my fists? Like it was, it was crazy. I'm a, I'm a nice guy now, but back then I was in, I just had demons and I was drinking to cover up the pain that I felt from the stuff that happened when I was younger and

• 11:34Sam Parr?

  that breakup and it wasn't good. And my senior year, I was 21, I think. Some of these years might be a little funky, but I was sitting just pissed drunk. I was wasted and I saw this video. Fix my mic. I saw this video on YouTube. It was, I think Noel Gallagher, the lead singer of Oasis. And he was singing like, "Don't Look Back in Anger."

• 12:06Sam Parr?

  And this sounds so cheesy, but he was playing this song and it was just him playing on the guitar. And there was something like 300,000 people in the crowd. And I guess I got emotional. I started crying because this guy was playing this guitar. There, I don't think there was any other instruments, just him and he was barely strumming his guitar. And he was barely singing into the mic and 300,000 people were screaming back at him and the lights were blaring and the bass sounded amazing. Once the drums eventually came in and I thought, holy shit, this is one human being who is exerting a very small amount of energy, but because he is leveraging his energy effectively, it is creating

• 12:46Sam Parr?

  the, you know, the input is a little bit of energy. The output is this huge world changing energy, you know? If he just impacted these 300,000 people in the crowd, think of all the other people that who love his music and it makes them feel good about themselves. And I thought, that's amazing. I love how he's able to do that. I can do that too. I am talented enough to do that. I know I can do that. I have the it factor. I can pull that off, but I can't do it when I'm a fucking pissed drunk bum. That's what I was at the time. I was a bum. I was basically, it felt like I was homeless practically. I had a home, but like I was a derelict. I mean, I was,

• 13:20Sam Parr?

  I was, I was like the zombies you see on the street. That's kind of how I felt, you know? I would steal from the grocery store sometimes because I didn't have enough money all the time. My parents, by the way, they would have supported me, but they didn't know what I was going through and I never in a million years would have told them, but I was a derelict. And I thought, if this guy can do this, I can do this. I have to get my shit together.

• 13:44Sam Parr?

  And so I tried to get help. I went to my university and I said, I'm having massive problems. I feel horrible. I feel sick. I'm blacking out. I'm passing out. And even when I wasn't drinking, if I woke up, I would like fall over. My hands were shaking all the time, my blood pressure. So they tested my, I go, guys, I'm an alcoholic. I'm, I've been drunk for like two years now.

• 14:07Sam Parr?

  I need help. And so what they did was they, Tested my blood pressure and they're like, you need to go to the hospital right now. Forget what it was, maybe like a 180 or 190 over like 110, which is like, it's bad. And I went to the hospital and they're like, yeah, you gotta quit, you're gonna die. They looked at, what do you, when you drink, is it your liver or your kidneys? That has spots on it and they looked at it and they're like, they're like, it's manageable now. If you quit, you'll be fine, but like, we're seeing a clear pattern here that if you live this lifestyle for long, like it's not gonna go well. And so I quit. And I did that for a few months. But it felt horrible. I felt so sick and so I dropped out of school and I moved to San Francisco.

• 14:53Sam Parr?

  And I did that because when I wasn't drinking, I cold emailed these guys called Airbed and Breakfast. And I said, I love your company. And this was in 2012, I think. I love your company. I think you can improve by doing X, Y, and Z. Can I please work for you? I cold emailed the founder. That company now is called Airbnb, by the way. And he forwarded me to someone else or I forget how it worked out, but I emailed the founder and they, they go, hey, just come to the office on Monday. You live in San Francisco, right? And I go, yeah, I live there. I live there. And he goes, all right, great. See you Monday. So I flew out there, got the interview, talked to them, got the job like pretty quick, right away, went back home. Finally told them, I'm still a college student, but like, I'm done.

• 15:34Sam Parr?

  So I dropped out, moved, moved all my stuff and then basically sold. I didn't have anything. And went out to San Francisco and I arrived in San Francisco. This all happened in a matter of three weeks. And prior to starting, like literally on Monday, I was supposed to start on like a Saturday or Sunday. They said, we're taking back your offer. You lied to us. You said you didn't have a misdemeanor or any criminal record and you do. You got DUIs, you got fighting on your record, you got all types of stuff. And at the time I was actually on trial for one of my cases. And so I thought I wasn't lying.

• 16:07Sam Parr?

  And I lied. I guess they thought it was lying. I thought like, maybe it's not considered lying. Regardless, I was in the wrong and they took back my offer. So here I am out in San Francisco, completely screwed. And I meet a guy and I ended up partnering with him and starting a business. But while I'm doing this, I'm like, fuck it. I'm too depressed. I'm. I'm drinking again, so I relapsed. I was only sober at that point for two or three months.

• 16:34Sam Parr?

  And in San Francisco, it was awesome because I was on my own. I didn't have a lot of money, but I could go to the, we had, I don't think we had Whole Foods where I lived in Nashville. This was back in college, but in San Francisco, I had a Whole Foods by my house and I had, um, you don't have to drive. So I remember I was so screwed up that I was like, well, if I get a bike, then I could bike to the bars and not drive anymore. So I won't get DUIs, I won't get arrested, but maybe I'll get a bike with an engine in it. So I want the pedal because it's really hard to pedal when you're drunk. Like this is like I planned my whole life around alcohol and I would go to the Whole Foods and I would eat a slice of pizza while I'm shopping around and I would just leave the cart and bounce. And that was like how I would feed myself or I would like steal,

• 17:14Sam Parr?

  not steal, but like get on the bus without paying and I would play these games at bars that would like trick girls into buying me a drink. I'd be like, hey, I bet you I can make you answer yes to any question I ask you. And I would like have this little trick. It was messed up. Um, and

• 17:29Sam Parr?

  I was again horrible. I was drunk again. I was drunk all the time.

• 17:36Sam Parr?

  And eventually I just, I had enough. I was like, I'm gonna die. This is horrible. I feel horrible. Um, I met this guy named Joe Garvey. I haven't talked to Joe Garvey in a few years. Hopefully he sees this, but he was like tall and good looking and I was just pissed drunk and he let me do some part-time work for him, running these like scavenger hunts for like corporate companies, which is fucking horrible because like I was, when I say scavenger, it's like off, it was like corporate training. And, uh, like you basically, or not corporate training, but like team building events. So like, some company like Salesforce or something will send like 50 people and we have them do the scavenger hunt throughout the city and it ends at a bar and I would just get wasted with them. And

• 18:18Sam Parr?

  so again, this is like a hot dog business. I can be drunk while doing it and still functioning. But I met Joe and I was like, Joe, here, have a drink. After like three months meeting, he goes, oh no, I don't drink. And I was like, huh? He goes, yeah, I, I, I gave it up. I had a problem. I went to, I go to AA and I gave it up. And that was the first time in my life that I'd met someone who was like good looking and cool and who I admired and was hip and would still go out to bars and he didn't drink. And I thought, that's amazing. You, and, and also you just admitted to me that you go to AA. How bold of you, you know, like. You have a problem. I thought only like AA and alcoholics, like people who talk about that, that was on movies. That was like, you know, for like, you know, rock stars who

• 19:00Sam Parr?

  like getting car crashes or who OD, you know, like Amy Winehouse. That's what rehab's for, AA is for, like, not guys like you and me. I mean, of course, that's exactly what it's for. But he was cool. He was the life of the party. Girls liked him. He was sober and he inspired me so much. And so one day I go, fuck, I gotta get my shit together. So I, and it was hard because like, I was fat, but I was making a little bit of money because I was just talented at that. But like, my body hurt me all the time. I was bloated, but I got girls, like, girls liked me. I mean, lame girls, but like, you know, a girl who would be around a stupid, basically frat bro type of dude. But I felt like a rock

• 19:41Sam Parr?

  star, but I woke up every morning and I regretted what I did the night before and I was ashamed of myself. And I felt like, I'm gonna die soon and I'm gonna die for nothing. I'm basically, when you walk through home, uh, San Francisco and you see these guys on the street, I was like, I'm closer to them than I am. For those who are listening, I'm pointing to my wall of inspiration. I've got these like, really interesting, inspiring people in my wall. I felt closer to a homeless guy on the street than I did one of these guys on my inspiration wall. And so eventually, I didn't have any, much money. And so I Googled like, San Francisco mental health clinic, or something. And I went in off the street. I got an appointment and, and like, I was doing well enough that I had an iPhone and I had like, AirPods, or

• 20:22Sam Parr?

  not AirPods, but like iPhone headphones. And I walked into this place and I was fucked up when I walked in. And these people, I was the youngest one there, probably, I mean, look at me, if you look at me, I look like a, kind of a well-to-do white dude, with like, white teeth and like, uh, combed hair. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I was the same as these people. We were both, we were all zombies. But I had like, AirPods, or iPhone headphones in and I was like, I am so out of place. Like, this is wild that like, I look at, I, I look how I look, but I'm like, with these like, crazy people and they serve quarter coffee for a, a quarter and like,

• 21:03Sam Parr?

  They're talking to themselves and I'm like, I'm in the same category as this. I'm fucked up. That's wild. I can't believe I let this happen. And so I meet this woman named Jocelyn, Dr. Porquez, who I still go to to this day. And I said, I'm a drunk. I need to get sober. So she gave me some antidepressants and she helped me wean off and I didn't wean off. I basically locked myself in a room and she kind of, I would just let her know what was going on. And it worked.

• 21:28Sam Parr?

  It worked really well. For some reason, I don't know why, this particular time it pulled, I pulled it off. And I just, it was basically, I was like, if I do this, I survive. If I don't do this, I'm, I may not die today, but I might as well be dead. I'm just a zombie who can't function.

• 21:45Sam Parr?

  And it worked. I went, so basically I just went to a mental health clinic on Harrison and Third in San Francisco. And Jocelyn, who I, you know, I said I still see it, it worked out well. And

• 21:59Sam Parr?

  now, it was like eight years later. So like, it's like, a lot of people listening are like, oh, man, I was drunk for 20 years. So like, and I got sober. So I, look, I wasn't, I guess, it doesn't matter. Like, we're not, it doesn't need to be a pissing contest, but like, yeah, I was basically fucked up for three years. Pretty bad. And I got out. So it's like, no big deal, right? Three years I was able to get by. But

• 22:23Sam Parr?

  you know, there was a period of time that alcohol controlled my life. I did, everything was revolving around it. And I got sober and like, the first two weeks was so hard. I just had to lock myself in the room. And I don't, I, I think there's something like, maybe there's some reason why like, certain races or ethnicities struggle with alcohol, but I think there's something in there that

• 22:49Sam Parr?

  like, there's definitely like, there's two parts of this. So there's like, the, the trauma and the, you're depressed and you're, you saw something crazy when you were younger, something that like, makes you want to like, abuse substances. But then on the other side, at least with alcohol, I always felt like there was like a thing where like, my body didn't metabolize it in a wonderful way. So I was addicted very easily. And it would make me sick. It would make me really sick. And if I didn't continue drinking, I, I would, I would felt horrible. And I felt like that for weeks and eventually. I got addicted to like sugar and carbs like the right when I got off, I would just eat horribly. And I told my doctor and she goes, you know what? Just, just do it, man. Like if it makes you feel better, who cares if you're, if you're eating sugar and we'll handle that later. You know, just use this as a coping mechanism. So I did. So I got a little chubby.

• 23:33Sam Parr?

  I got even chubbier and I would eat cakes and M and M's and that's all I would eat is just like M and M's. I remember peanut M and M's like all day, every day. That's all I would eat pizza. And I think that like, because when I quit alcohol, I was craving the, the sugar. You know, when you drink alcohol, you're consuming a lot of sugar and I was craving that like crazy. But I did it. And so now I definitely am still addicted to that. Um, I am able to um, kind of stay away and I drink a lot of stuff like this. This is called a Zevia. It's like um, a calorie free whole foods soda. I drink a ton of carbonated beverages though. I drink tons of carbonated water, tons of Diet Coke. I don't do Diet Coke anymore. I'm trying to do like um, Zevia or Topo Chico or, but I love.

• 24:18Sam Parr?

  Um, like usually the way that habits work typically is you don't really get rid of a habit without replacing it with another habit. And that's what I did. I replaced it with candy and now I'm replacing the candy with uh, Topo Chico with uh, I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, lots of it. But uh, so that's where I am now. And so what I've learned is a bunch of stuff. So if you're struggling, I'm going to talk to you like about what I learned and maybe this will make your life a little bit easier. But so like, when I got off booze, like it took like six weeks, maybe longer, three months. But I put, it's like I, it's like I had bad eyesight for a long time and I finally put glasses on.

• 24:58Sam Parr?

  Because when I was on alcohol, like imagine telling a deaf person what um, what like a certain sound signs like, or a blind person, what like a mountain looks like and the beauty of seeing a mountain. It's really hard. And when I was on alcohol, when people were like, just don't do it. Just go to this party and don't drink. And I'm like, I don't, that doesn't even, I can't even fathom that thought. And what, so like the game, the inner game that I have now and how I feel now, I couldn't even imagine. Like it wasn't even my vocab, but I didn't even know it was possible before I got sober. But um, so here's a few things that I learned. The first is that getting sober. Again, this is all about me. Don't criticize me in the comments about, well, it's not actually true.

• 25:43Sam Parr?

  I don't care. That's your experience. I'm gonna talk about my experience. So the first thing is it's, this was a choice that I made and it is all about inner game. And I quit drinking in my early twenties when I was single. I'm ha- very, very, very happily married right now, which I'll talk about in a little bit. But just like anyone who's in their twenties, male or female, probably, what do you care about most?

• 26:06Sam Parr?

  Hooking up. I cared about meeting people and going on dates. That was my thing. And the idea of like, meeting a girl sober, like, what? Not a chance. What are you cra- that doesn't, that's not how it works. You gotta get loaded and then go do your thing. And well, um. So like, my life was around girls and um, what I realized though, the first big thing is giving up alcohol, it was all about changing my inner game. And what's cool, particularly for men, I can't speak for women, but for, for men, the more that men work on themselves and make themselves better, the more interesting they become to other people and the more other people like them or are attracted to them.

• 26:49Sam Parr?

  And so it was great. I'm like, wow, I can be incredibly selfish about myself, meaning um, I can work on myself. And that will actually, if I work on myself and focus on me and quit booze-ing and get fit and find interesting hobbies, that attracts more people to me, both men and women, friends and, and girls.

• 27:11Sam Parr?

  And that inner game.

• 27:15Sam Parr?

  Basically meant I'm not gonna, I'm gonna care less about other people's opinion and yet it made people like me more. So I do it, I did it all for me and in return, it kinda actually helped all my external wants. The second thing is that it was actually really important to me to talk about it incredibly openly. So. I would say I'm a little nervous doing this because I'm talking to like, you know, we have like hundreds and thousands of, and sometimes millions of people listening to our podcast. So I'm kind of telling the story about being a fool and I'm probably going to post kind of shirtless pics of myself looking like an idiot. My family's going to hear this. So like, I'm a little embarrassed about that, but on a one-on-one conversation, I'm not ashamed of this at all. I'm upset that I behaved

• 28:00Sam Parr?

  how I used to behave. And when I meet people from my past life, I'm like, I will apologize. I'll be like, hey, I was a wreck then. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, but I'm not embarrassed to discuss this, not even a little bit. And the reason why is I used to think that, well, if I tell people this, they're going to think I'm a freak. Then I was like, yeah, maybe they will think I'm a freak, but you know what? Freaks are kind of cool. And also, when I tell people I don't drink, I used to make one of them like hobbies, like, oh, I just, I gotta work out tomorrow, or I have an early morning than, and no, I actually say, oh, no, I don't, I don't drink. And some, and then if they say, why not? I'll say, oh, I'm, I'm an alcoholic. And it does two things. One, it's,

• 28:42Sam Parr?

  they, they won't pressure me ever again. They're not going to pressure me at all. And if they do, fuck them. I don't, those guys are dead to me. They're out of my life. I don't, it's like a good, it's like a good way to get losers out of your life. But two, it shows them I'm really comfortable about discussing this. And one of the big fears of giving up drinking is you don't want the people around you to be uncomfortable, which I'm going to talk about in a minute, about how I drink non-alcoholic beer, or I'll drink a Sprite with a lime at a bar to make people feel, I want people around me to feel comfortable, people I care about. I don't want them to think that they can't drink around me or that they, they'll feel uncomfortable. And so I love openly discussing this if they ask me because it makes them feel, oh, I'm really, this is like a thing we can discuss.

• 29:23Sam Parr?

  This is just a fact. This is a part of me, just like, I like to exercise. I work in business. I have a podcast. I don't drink. It's just a fact. And I can bring that up. Um, third, booze makes your body fucked up. It is crazy. I mean, you know, what's kind of funny is like, we accept in this order in society, alcohol, cigarettes, weed.

• 29:50Sam Parr?

  In reality, that should be swapped, I think. We should accept weed first, then cigarettes or nicotine, and then alcohol. Alcohol, man, that thing, that messes with my body. I felt horribly bloated, my joint, I was only 23, I felt like I was 40. You know, I would make that noise when I sat down, or like when you're trying to stand up, I felt horrible, I was so bloated. If you look at old pictures of me, which were gonna show up on this video, I looked like if you popped me with a needle, I would explode. It was just horrible. It made my, it gives you brain fog, you can't feel stuff, like certain emotions, it just was horrible on my body. It turns, I was a

• 30:30Sam Parr?

  talking monkey, you know. It's just gross. And I actually don't think all vices are bad, you know, I think that humans were built to want, escape every once in a while, like smoking weed, which I don't, I don't do any drugs, I don't do anything, but like, I wish I did, but like, I think smoking weed is probably good for you sometimes. I think drinking for a lot of people can actually be great for them. It could bring them with their friends, and it's good to escape sometimes. But drinking too much alcohol, it's just the worst, and you get used to it when you do it a lot. So like, you get used to it, not in that it feels better, but you wake up in the morning thinking, well, this is just how I feel. And I feel that way, like if I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, if I drink, or if I eat a ton of cake, or a ton of pizza, and I wake up the next morning, I have like a sugar hangover, I'm like, dude, I can't believe I used to feel like that every day for

• 31:14Sam Parr?

  years. It's crazy. So it's bad for your body. Another thing is that, like I said, when I did this as a younger guy, I was single, and the number one care, thing I cared about was girls. And my biggest fear was that people, I wouldn't be able to get girls, like they would think I'm weird, it's a crutch that allows me to be confident to talking to women. And up until getting sober, I don't think I'd ever like gone on a date with a girl sober, or like had a first kiss sober. I don't think I've ever done any of that. But the first time I did it, basically, I got sober.

• 31:49Sam Parr?

  I don't remember this exact timeline, but around like week four, five or six, I was like, I want to go meet someone. Because it was like, again, like I put glasses on and I was feeling reality. And I was like, this is so weird what it feels like. And I was like, I wonder what it feels like to like, have a first date. Let's try it. And I did. And then I like kissed this girl. I don't remember it was the first date or second date, whatever. And I was like, oh my God, I'm on top of the world. I overcame this. I completely did it. And that felt amazing. And also, when I admitted that I was sober and because I had a problem, not only did people not like the, I think some people did push me away, but I didn't know it because they didn't want to be around me because I was sober and they liked to party.

• 32:30Sam Parr?

  But the people who I went out with, like some guy friends who I went out with and on and dating. When I told them my issues, they were attracted to me way more. I don't like, I'm not here to talk about if it's some like, oh, like, girls like guys who are like broken and they want to fix them. Like, you know, there's that joke. I don't know what the truth is. But I know that when I confidently said, um, I don't drink because I have issues, but you're welcome to drink and I'm still going to have a ton of fun tonight.

• 32:58Sam Parr?

  Women love that. I think it was a confidence thing. I don't know what it was, but people, even strangers were drawn to me way more. Another thing was that having like, I've said all the positive stuffs, but I will say having fun when sober, I think can be a lot harder. So like the nighttime fun that a lot of you guys have, I don't really have that. And it's, yeah, it's more boring. I think it's more boring, but I'm happier because of it.

• 33:24Sam Parr?

  And sober life maybe is less fun than drunk life, probably. Like, I wish my wife, I've never drank with her because I met her one year after I got sober. It would be fun to go out and just get sloppy drunk and do silly stuff and then come home. I mean, that'd be awesome. Like it would bring us together. The best part is though, I don't fight. Imagine having like fist fight, but also like with your spouse or with your girlfriend or your friends, like where you say something stupid. I know, I mean, I still say a lot of stuff stupid, but it doesn't come from a drunk place. That's awesome. But,

• 33:58Sam Parr?

  Having fun is harder. It is awesome when you can figure it out and when I can go out and have fun and be sober and remember it all. But it's definitely harder. What I typically do when I go out to bars is, or if I go out to somewhere that involves drinking and I want to make my friends feel comfortable. Or even if I just want to have fun. If you go to the bar, and this is for anyone, we can talk about this because a lot of people don't realize this. If you go to the bar and you say you want to, let's say you're with friends. Hey, you got any NA beer? That means non-alcoholic and all bartenders, a lot of bartenders will know that you're trying to low-key not drink. And you say, give me an NA. You got any NA? And that means non-alcoholic. Usually every bar has at least one style. And you can't say like, oh, I want this brand or that brand because I usually only have one. So you just say, give me an NA. And I always make them bring them to me in a bottle.

• 34:44Sam Parr?

  I want to see them open it and then I'll let them pour it in a glass. And that way I'll have what looks like a beer so my friends can feel comfortable. Or if they don't have an NA, I'll do a Sprite with a lime. And when I'm in a bar or bar setting and I smell the beer and my friends are getting drunk. And I'm drinking non-alcoholic beer. Honestly, it kind of feels like I'm a little buzzed. So I can have a similar amount of fun, but it's definitely not the same. So I don't want to like, you know, sugarcoat that.

• 35:16Sam Parr?

  I will say that intense realism is something that I describe being sober. So like, you've got this cloud when you're drinking and I can, and you drink to, I remember I had a friend die and I would drink. At the funeral. So I didn't really feel that sadness that I was supposed to feel. At weddings, I don't feel like the happiness or, you know, the, whatever you feel at weddings or. Meeting someone that you wanted to go out and date with and you had a crush. Like, are you really just drunk and horny or are you actually like him?

• 35:51Sam Parr?

  Breaking up with someone and feeling like that pain. I broke up with a lot of people drunk and I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it was, it was, I was kind of a pussy to be honest. I would do these challenging things drunk. And I wasn't facing it like a man and I just didn't get to experience that. So basically like.

• 36:09Sam Parr?

  I didn't develop a lot of skills that I think a grown man needs to have. And I had to develop those a little bit later in life. Basically, like from age like 20, I consider my ages of like 20 to 24, like they just didn't exist. And even though I'm like 31 now, I'm actually like a, you know, 27 year old or something, but I didn't experience those things. And once I got sober and I got confident in my decision to be sober, I actually sought out those challenging conversations and it made me feel alive. It made me feel like this is what I've been missing. This is awesome. And I felt like it was also a game. I'm like, oh, normally I'd be afraid to do this. Now I'm going to do it right away. I'm going to do it. I'm going to, I'm going to approach it straight on and I'm going to do it just to prove that I can.

• 36:50Sam Parr?

  And I want to feel alive and it feels like a big rush to me now when I do some of these things. And I like it in a weird way.

• 36:58Sam Parr?

  The last couple of things is

• 37:01Sam Parr?

  I control my emotions far better than before. Drunk people do dumb stuff. You get in fights that you don't really want to be getting in. You say shit you don't mean. I still act impulsive sometimes and I still say a lot of stuff I don't really mean, but it's way less. And last, I save so much money. It's crazy and I spend a lot of it now probably on, on food and experiences, but like, think about this, like in a big city, you'll spend 400 bucks on a weekend, you know, a hundred dollars Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I mean, that's maybe like 50 bucks at a bar, 60 bucks at a bar, $30 eating food afterwards. Like you spend a lot of money and then like me, if you were crazy, you're drinking $30 a day anyway.

• 37:46Sam Parr?

  That's something like $26,000 a year over seven years. I think it's been seven or eight for me, but that's like $200,000. I mean, that's a lot of money. So

• 37:57Sam Parr?

  that's my story with alcohol.

• 38:00Sam Parr?

  I want to answer a couple of questions because people were asking me some questions. And if you go to the YouTube page, just Google Sampar alcohol, you'll see this page if you're listening on, on the podcast. And I'll answer some questions. I tweeted out that I was going to do this. My handle's the Sampar. So I'll read out some of the things that people ask. The first is how do you handle social gatherings when everyone's drinking?

• 38:22Sam Parr?

  What benefits have you seen outside of the health side? So when I go to bar, I ask for an NA. That means non-alcoholic beer and bartenders typically know that means that you're sober. Or I'll do a Sprite in line. So with health, I'm way less bloated, my joints don't hurt. Now, I don't drink, I also take testosterone replacement therapy, which is a whole nother podcast and video, which I like, but I feel like a professional athlete. I don't really get tired right now. I feel great, I sleep good, I sleep eight hours a night. I don't really have, I feel awesome. I mean, I just, I feel alive, I feel like a pro athlete. How can you be supportive of folks who know you're trying to stop?

• 39:05Sam Parr?

  Especially, wait, how to, how to be supportive of folks who you know? Okay, got it. So if you know someone who's trying to stop, how do you be supportive? Well, in my perspective is, at first, I didn't really want people to bring it up too much. Now I'm okay if people tease me and that kind of normalizes it. So I like being teased a little bit. But I also like when people confront me head on and act normal. So like, for example, hey, we're gonna go get beers. If that's, if you're comfortable with that, come on. If you're not, why don't we catch up with you afterwards? Like, just like saying things like that, I'm cool with. I also don't like though, if someone like doesn't, like changes their behavior to accommodate me, I fucking hate that. I can't stand that. That makes me feel guilty.

• 39:49Sam Parr?

  So if someone says like, oh, we're not gonna drink because of you, I'm like, no, get drunk. In fact, I even encourage my wife and friends to get drunk sometimes because I'm like, guys, go wild, let's have fun, like, uh, cause I wanna live through them a little bit. So if, my opinion is be normal and confront everything normally and just you can acknowledge things. When my friends like ever wanna do drugs, if they're like at a party and they wanna do drugs, I leave. And they say, hey, we're gonna get wild, just so you know, and they know I'm gonna go home. I don't like being around that, but I don't, I'm cool if they like to do it.

• 40:26Sam Parr?

  Are there occasions where you miss it? Someone asked. 100%. Yep. I miss bonding with my coworkers and friends. I definitely miss it. I don't miss it enough to do it. And I don't miss it enough that I regret it. But I miss it getting in trouble a little bit. I miss feeling like a rock star. It is kind of fun to like go party and be crazy at a bar and have people over and have a fun rager and wake up and not know what happens. I mean, I found that to be adventurous and exciting and fun. I don't miss it enough that I want to do it, but I do miss it on occasion. What coping mechanisms for certain stress do you use? Food. So when I have a bad day, I allow myself to pick out and eat a whole pizza. Some will say, don't do that. You're creating bad habits. I don't care.

• 41:11Sam Parr?

  I overcame one bad habit. That was life or death. I exercise now. Got a six pack. I'm gonna pick out sometimes when I feel horrible. Because I can go and run or lift weights or row or something to burn those calories. And I'd rather be fat and alive than dead and, you know, you get the idea. So I do a lot of food.

• 41:36Sam Parr?

  For coping mechanism, instead of getting mad, though, I typically like to look at as a game. Like, what's the desired outcome that I want from this conversation? Because a lot of my like stress comes from like other people.

• 41:46Sam Parr?

  What can I try to like game the system to get what I want? You know, how can I, what emotions is this person trying to tell me? What are their needs? How can I meet their needs so I can eventually get what I want? I look at it like a game and it can be kind of fun for me.

• 41:58Sam Parr?

  How can we overcome?

• 42:02Sam Parr?

  Oh, someone asked basically like, I want to look cool and I'm afraid if I don't drink, I won't look cool. I answered that before. You know what's cool is like confidence. Confidence is cool. Men and women like confident men.

• 42:15Sam Parr?

  And it's also, if you really want to milk this, which I think you should, if it makes you feel better, tell people you're messed up and you have substance abuse problems. Brag about the stories, not brag, but tell the war stories. Tell the demons that you've overcame. Captivate them. Get their attention. Use it to your advantage. I don't see why not. How do you switch off, unwind? Can it be boring? Yep.

• 42:37Sam Parr?

  Definitely can be boring. Instead, um, I love to like get huge muscles and then I love to do like cutting. I'm like a cutting phase now, but then I love, so I love exercising. So I like challenges, so I do like an Ironman and that'll be my challenge. I'll do like a bulking phase. I'll try to get really muscular, at least for me, and then I'll cut it. Um, and I think that stuff's cool. So that's, uh, that's like what I do, so I'm not bored and I work a lot. Um, and I also have fun with my friends. I encourage them to drink sometimes, but I really don't go to bars. I, I pretty much don't ever go out at night, except for like movies and out to eat. Would you recommend someone going cold turkey if they drink in moderation? Yeah, I guess that's, uh, that's an impossible question for me to answer though.

• 43:20Sam Parr?

  Um, last couple of questions.

• 43:26Sam Parr?

  How do you frame it for folks who ask? Why you don't drink and how do you frame it to yourself? So when people ask me why I don't drink, my answer is, ah, just don't mix well with me. They ask again, I say, well, I'm an alcoholic, uh, and I smile. So they know that like it's true, but they, if they want to keep talking about it, I will. And we can be comfortable about it. And sometimes they'll say, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, you didn't do anything wrong at school. You want to talk about it? I just, I have issues, so I just choose not to do it. Um, and that bluntness, I think, makes everyone comfortable, to be honest. Um, someone asked if I have felt like getting drunk in recent years. No, like something weird happened. You know, like when you eat too much food, like eat too much cauliflower as a kid and like you want to puke.

• 44:10Sam Parr?

  If you smell that and you just like can't stand cauliflower, that's kind of how I feel about alcohol. I, I don't crave it, but if I, but I do crave the sugars and I eat tons of cake and tons of candy. What if, um, what advice would you give to your younger self to overcome the drinking? Girls will think you're cooler because you're sober and you'll be bolder, not weaker if you're sober.

• 44:36Sam Parr?

  And last questions, where are the benefits of not drinking over have an occasional drink or two? I don't have self-control. One or two is not an option. It's either all or nothing. So that's the episode. Thank you for following along. You can subscribe to our podcast, My First Million, click that subscribe button. Maybe you'll see another, we'll do another one like this if you want. My Twitter handle is @TheStanPar. Just comment, like send me a tweet or something and ask me a question. Or if you want to let me know if this episode was good or bad, I don't care. If it's bad, tell me. But I appreciate you listening.

• 45:19Sam Parr?

  Hopefully this helped in some capacity. But if you're listening and you are struggling with this, been there, done that. A lot of people who've had it way worse than me have definitely overcome it. You absolutely can too. Good luck. See you.