Enter The Matrix w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to Enter the Matrix and answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Factor: Eat smart at https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  The fat one fell in a retaining pond. You believe that?

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:24H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Hey, yeah.

• 0:30H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:35H. Foley?

  But they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:38H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful summer day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new addition. She's on her way down to Stratford.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  Doing a little competitive eating over there at the Dayville Inn.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Duville.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Chicken wing contest.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Dayville. It's the goddamn Duville, okay?

• 0:55H. Foley?

  Whatever. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. He is the prince of the pie, the sultan of the slice, the flatbread freak, but homeowner, new father.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  I thought you were gonna leave with something else, if I was being honest with you.

• 1:16H. Foley?

  Future youth soccer coach of the year. I'm talking about the king of the burbs, everybody. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you very much.

• 1:25H. Foley?

  My pal.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Thank you very much, Bug Man, much appreciated. Uh, shout out to the homies, uh, shout out to the everybody for Tootie's, the homies, the bozos, goddamn everybody. Uh, full video available on YouTube, uh, full video available over there on, uh, friggin' Spotify, which I gotta be honest with you, what were the numbers you hit me with the other day?

• 1:43H. Foley?

  Numbers the other day were...

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Big man's, big man's in charge of the numbers now.

• 1:46H. Foley?

  Top, top 200, I think 130, 138 on all podcasts.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  You said 100, you're lying.

• 1:52H. Foley?

  I said 138.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  You're juicing a number.

• 1:54H. Foley?

  Comedy podcast number 38, top 50, not bad.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Not bad.

• 1:58H. Foley?

  Climbing the charts.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  Top 40.

• 1:59H. Foley?

  Get Dick Clark on the phone, huh? We're gonna be doing Top of the Pops in a couple of weeks. Sitting down with that Graham Norton, shooting his shit. Getting a little fucking anecdote from Harrison Ford. Wearing a nice suit, having a... Spritz.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Calling him Harry. Harry, you know what I'm talking about.

• 2:14H. Foley?

  Hey Indy, take it easy.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  Yes, sir.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  WWW dot patreon dot com slash all your garbage. You go over there, you get all that frickin' bonus content, gang. You become a $10 homie.

• 2:27H. Foley?

  Fun time over there.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  You get two a week, you get hard feelings, which, listen, everyone, if you're in, you're in. There's a real VIP section that's over there at the $10 level.

• 2:37H. Foley?

  That's where the cheek meat hits the road.

• 2:40H. Foley?

  Sliding across the highway.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  There's, there's the real feel over there.

• 2:44H. Foley?

  Woo wee!

• 2:45Speaker 02

  You get it? You get behind the scenes, behind, behind, behind the scenes.

• 2:50H. Foley?

  You want to know what the real barometric pressure is? Get over to that hard feelings studio over there in Icebox. Before we get the show started, let's take a little cruise by the old corner office.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Oh!

• 3:00H. Foley?

  Say what's up to that Lukey Patooki, new guy Luke of the Dempsey Group over there.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Hello, boys.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Let's see what's in the inbox.

• 3:09H. Foley?

  See what the outgoing mail is. Look at you, what are we, in the second, third quarter of the year here? Huh? What are the, what are the, uh, the projections looking like?

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Projections are looking good. Ethereum's up, Bitcoin's up, boys are moving.

• 3:22H. Foley?

  Keeps his eye on the markets.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Fucking mad, Mike Kramer mad money over here.

• 3:29H. Foley?

  He banging something.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Sell, sell, sell. That guy's a quack.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  That guy's a nutball. I used to love him back in the day.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Sure, when he hit, dude, he hit.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  He'd be losing it.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, take it easy, man. It's 3 o'clock. What the fuck?

• 3:43Speaker 02

  All my, all my smeg break. Fucking just screaming at me.

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Uh, speaking of throwing back, before we get the show started, I came across something, uh, in my medicine chest, okay? Medicine chest.

• 3:59H. Foley?

  You know what it's called? Yeah, medicine chest.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:02H. Foley?

  Medicine cabinet.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Cabinet. A chest would be standalone.

• 4:05H. Foley?

  I got one of those.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Lot of doomies. A lot of doom stuff in there.

• 4:09H. Foley?

  School buses in there. That's where I park my bus.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Call that the bus depot.

• 4:14H. Foley?

  Call that the car wash. That's where I keep the school buses. Do a little fucking Chinese fire drill.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 4:20H. Foley?

  You ever do that at the light? Do a little Chinese fire drill?

• 4:22Speaker 02

  We did it at a... We tried it once.

• 4:25H. Foley?

  You're running from the feds.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  We tried it once at a train stop, like a train crossing.

• 4:31H. Foley?

  Did you pull onto the tracks?

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Why is that? First of all, that's not a thing. What?

• 4:37H. Foley?

  Really letting it loose.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Uh, no, we did it at like a, yeah, we were stopped for a train or whatever.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  As a family or friends?

• 4:45Speaker 02

  I think both.

• 4:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, I remember doing it with my parents.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:48H. Foley?

  That is garbage. I think the car was on fire. Everybody, every man for himself.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Your mom's topless.

• 4:59H. Foley?

  Throw my dad a honey.

• 5:02H. Foley?

  Anyway, I came across this in the back of the old medicine cabinet, which really brought me back to around this time of year. As you know, I love it.

• 5:15H. Foley?

  Young kids.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  You're a, you're a big in the past guy, cuz the present ain't great.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  That's called escapism. According to my psych.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Big man's living in an escape room.

• 5:29H. Foley?

  Can't find the keys.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Bug Man Escape Room.

• 5:32H. Foley?

  No way out.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Except back in time.

• 5:35H. Foley?

  It's like the Kobayashi Maru. You can't win.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  The what?

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Deep cut.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Keep it moving. Don't ask no questions.

• 5:43H. Foley?

  That's right, you Star Trek fans out there.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 5:45H. Foley?

  Which I've been getting knee deep into.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  It sounds Asian.

• 5:47H. Foley?

  What?

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Kobayashi.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  Kobayashi Maru is...

• 5:51Speaker 02

  The guy that hit on the mat.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Shout out to the Black Widow. Yeah.

• 5:58H. Foley?

  It was a doctor in charge of Fukushima, fucked everything up. Listen. Watch the tuna. Um...

• 6:04Speaker 02

  It's watching you.

• 6:05H. Foley?

  Keep Atlantic salmon. Uh, the Kobayashi Maru is the test you get at the Starfleet Academy.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:12H. Foley?

  Which is unbeatable. The only one to ever beat it was Captain James Tiberius Kirk, who went in, who failed it, then went in and then asked to take it again, went in the night before, rigged the game, and won. And was, was, was, was famous for doing it. It was an unbeatable scenario.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  No, you didn't beat it.

• 6:35H. Foley?

  You cheated to beat it. That's the only way to beat it. That's how Captain Kirk does it. And closes a couple of alien ass, gets the hell out of there.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  This guy's a-

• 6:43H. Foley?

  I did alright.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  This guy's a scammer. I didn't know that.

• 6:46H. Foley?

  Not- what? How dare you?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Alright, hey, enough with your fucking 1970's television show.

• 6:50H. Foley?

  It's new. The ones with Chris Pine. Good, good stuff. Um, fair enough.

• 6:58H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Henry?

• 6:59H. Foley?

  Let me take everybody back.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Oh wait, should I look yet?

• 7:02H. Foley?

  To the summer.

• 7:05H. Foley?

  Go ahead. To the summer in the 1990's.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 7:09H. Foley?

  Man, if you knew a young lady that was using that, the whole bathroom smelled like it. Man, that really cleaned the pores out. Felt fresh.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  I thought that was for nether regions.

• 7:23H. Foley?

  Really?

• 7:25Speaker 02

  No wonder you liked the smell.

• 7:28H. Foley?

  You got acne on your taint? What are you talking about?

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:31H. Foley?

  Do you know that?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  I know, yeah.

• 7:33H. Foley?

  That's the, that, that, okay, all the products that, that everyone's using now, whether it's your sugar scrub, your salt scrub, your marula oil, whatever yous are using, your under eye cream, whatever the ladies are doing, this is what the broads in the early 90's had. And that's all you got. You got that and a little herbal essence. You gotta make it wo-

• 7:57Speaker 02

  I remember tugging my root to that moisturizer. That, that conditioner.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  Just sitting there smelling a bottle of shampoo.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Man, I would, I would get turned on when I smelled it.

• 8:05H. Foley?

  Can I say this?

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Cause I would wail on myself.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  And I'd be like Pavlovian response.

• 8:11H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  I'd be walking down the, the shampoo aisle to acne and I'd catch a whiff of that. Next thing you know, I got a hard on you could hang from.

• 8:20H. Foley?

  Start getting sleepy by the time I got to the dinner rolls. Can I say this?

• 8:25Speaker 02

  What?

• 8:26H. Foley?

  You know, I'm an old man. And you don't really notice that that much anymore.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  What?

• 8:31H. Foley?

  A woman's, the way a woman's hair smells as much as it did back in the day. Remember like a girl would get on like the bus in high school and the whole, like the, the whole bus would smell like it. It would just smell like.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  I don't wanna, I'm not trying to, trying to cut, no, I don't, I don't remember that.

• 8:47H. Foley?

  You don't remember that?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Oh, the whole bus, that's too much product. The whole bus smells?

• 8:52H. Foley?

  I thought it was nice in the summer, or you know, you know, towards the end of the year.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  I'm not saying it doesn't, but I, you know, the whole bus?

• 8:57H. Foley?

  Whole bus, what'd I say?

• 8:59Speaker 02

  You heard me, you bald brick.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 9:03H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  I'm also, I'm not bumping into that many broads anymore.

• 9:07H. Foley?

  You're true, true.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  I'm a one man band.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  Of course. Does your wife's hair smell good?

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:14H. Foley?

  Yeah? I miss that. You know what I mean? Hot chicks, their hair used to smell really good.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  I would argue hot chicks' hair probably smells better than ever if I had to guess. I mean, you know. I'm just not around hot chicks no more. Not that I was around hot chicks previously.

• 9:30H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  I met one and I married her.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  I tell you what I, I don't mind. You know what I like is that dry shampoo the ladies are using.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  I don't get that either. There's a lot of stuff, listen.

• 9:38H. Foley?

  I don't get it. I started using it though.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  I'm a bar of soap man and I'm a Pantene Pro V when I do wash my hair. I gotta be careful.

• 9:45H. Foley?

  I don't wash it ever.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Uh, that's all I use. Everything else. I don't know, I don't know nothing about nothing. I, I, one, I was the Oxi, not OxiClean.

• 9:57H. Foley?

  His face disappears? Talking about, uh, Clearasil.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  No, the pad, the circles.

• 10:02H. Foley?

  Fuck. Not OxiClean.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Those things.

• 10:06H. Foley?

  Oxy, OxyPads.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  I think they were OxyPads.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  No, those are.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Look, what do you got? OxyPads?

• 10:12H. Foley?

  Those with the butterflies? Butterfly wings?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  No, these were the circle, the OxyPads. Yeah, that you would, man, that's, I remember, I found them.

• 10:20H. Foley?

  We were in an Oxi family. That shit fucking stung.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Noximo.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Tried to pull it one time with that shit. Holy fuck.

• 10:31H. Foley?

  It's like a knight in the Gulag.

• 10:34H. Foley?

  It's like jerking off with a pepperoni patty.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Getting stuck in a Chinese finger trap. I, um...

• 10:40H. Foley?

  What?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  I remember my, my, what do you have there?

• 10:43Speaker 03

  It's just Oxy pads really updid their...

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Whoa!

• 10:46H. Foley?

  What the fuck is that?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  They still do the pad? No one ever talks about them.

• 10:49H. Foley?

  Did Monster Energy Drink take those over?

• 10:52Speaker 02

  More now.

• 10:53H. Foley?

  I tell you what with those things though, you would do them and you would see the dirt on your face. You knew it was working.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying, and every time I wash my, I go, I wish, I didn't know... Listen, I got, I'm getting back on these.

• 11:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm getting them too.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were the soap, you go, oh, okay, I'm clean now.

• 11:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Cause you see it stop working.

• 11:09H. Foley?

  The pores.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:10H. Foley?

  Now they have those Boracil pads, whatever they're called? The things you put over your nose and you pull the blackheads out?

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, those are great.

• 11:17H. Foley?

  What are they called? Boracil? Something?

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Clearasil?

• 11:19H. Foley?

  No.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Either way, those are alright.

• 11:22H. Foley?

  Borsan? Nah, I don't know what it is.

• 11:25H. Foley?

  That stuff, Bjor. That's what I'm thinking of.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Oh, Bjor.

• 11:28H. Foley?

  Bjor. Fucking, beat it. Let me fuck, that, I don't like that marketing. Somebody call them up, get that straightened out. That looks like you're selling me fucking perka doodles.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  What?

• 11:38H. Foley?

  Oxy!

• 11:39Speaker 02

  It does look like oxy. Bunch of guys scratching, waiting in line.

• 11:44H. Foley?

  Bitch.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  I took four of them, ain't, they ain't working.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  There it is. Nothing smells like that stuff.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Sure, I'll give you that.

• 11:50H. Foley?

  Apricot scrub. It had like, it was the first time that had, that I ever used something that had like the little, whatever, those...

• 11:56Speaker 02

  The little beads in it. The exfoliator.

• 11:58H. Foley?

  Scrubber, yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  And they were nice. You know, you were, that little bit of cash, someone had those. That, the big thing for us was the, the broads would get in the Bath and Body Works like spritzers. They were like...

• 12:07H. Foley?

  They were hot for a while.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Man, it was like, there was like a cherry one, a fruity one.

• 12:12H. Foley?

  They would have, they would have them in baskets, in bed bath...

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, you get a basket.

• 12:15H. Foley?

  Not bed bath, me, um, Bath and Body Works, yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Bath and Body Works.

• 12:17H. Foley?

  Everybody got into that.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Uh-huh, that was big. That took over the mall like fucking nothing you would believe.

• 12:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, that and the, the shirts that's, that clamp together down on the bottom.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  What?

• 12:27H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about. The onesies.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Bit of a freak, aren't you? Huh? Is that what you're into?

• 12:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, Jennifer Aniston used to wear them all the time.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  The, the body. My wife will throw one on from time to time.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Luke got that.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Um...

• 12:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  I do catch that whenever I, I forget to, you know... She'll watch from time to time.

• 12:50H. Foley?

  Watch what?

• 12:51Speaker 02

  The program. Me and my oxies.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  And she'll be like, "I'll forget, I'm in the riffin' zone here."

• 13:00H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  I'll let something fly.

• 13:01H. Foley?

  We're working!

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Always protect the innocent, but I'll make a joke.

• 13:04H. Foley?

  Of course!

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Uh, man, and she'll say something to me, I'm like, "That is a deep cut, I didn't think..." I'm like, "Oh, you listen, you made it 53 minutes?" Cause I think maybe she'll listen to 10 minutes, get bored. She's sick of me, she's sick of you, she's sick of both of us.

• 13:17H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  I figure like, "I'm deep enough in the episode, I can let something go." And then she hits me with it, and I go, "What tha...huh? Okay." I say, "You're on a pay, you're at that now, remember."

• 13:29H. Foley?

  You're a freak.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Um, but all that's neither here nor there, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the Patreon, you get to ask your garbage question.

• 13:40H. Foley?

  With King of the Burbs, Kevin Ryan!

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Hey, nah, King of the Burbs, King of the Burbs.

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Father of the year.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Flatbread freak.

• 13:45H. Foley?

  The flatbread freak.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  I got a lot of names.

• 13:48H. Foley?

  The pizza maker. That's what we'll call, if you were in The Matrix, that's what you'd be called. The pizza maker.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Something better than that.

• 13:54H. Foley?

  I'd have to go and see you. I'd be Neo, obviously.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Cheating on a test or something.

• 13:59H. Foley?

  Why?

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Cause you're like Spock.

• 14:01H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 14:02H. Foley?

  Spock?

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Kirk.

• 14:03H. Foley?

  Kirk. I said Matrix.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. Hey.

• 14:07H. Foley?

  Those two universes do not exist together.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  And neither does one you're currently living in. Does not intersect with reality at any given time.

• 14:14H. Foley?

  I am not in Earth 616.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  You are.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  Another deep cut.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  You are in another plane, my friend. In the fourth, maybe fifth dimension.

• 14:22H. Foley?

  The round dimension. Uh, I had a question for you, who wins in a fight?

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Me or you?

• 14:27H. Foley?

  I'm out of shape. But you got no bone density right now.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Kid's bad.

• 14:32H. Foley?

  Got half a liver over there.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  I'm hollow, I gotta...

• 14:34H. Foley?

  You gonna get off the juice and get on the tea? Start pumping iron? If you got yoked up, that'd be pretty funny.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  I want these, I want the Bill Goldberg, Goldberg fucking muscles. I'm wearing a neck roll in the 80s, take you out.

• 14:48H. Foley?

  Crush a can.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  As you know, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.

• 14:52H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  When you join the old Patreon, you get a chance to ask your garbage question on the air.

• 14:58H. Foley?

  Yes, sir.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  And shout out to the homie, they know what they're doing. They know how to write a funny, funny garbage question.

• 15:05H. Foley?

  They do.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Uh, this one's from Jose, $10 homie.

• 15:08H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Had one read already, how you doing? Is it garbage if you put a karate belt color on your resume in the other skills category? Had a homie put down brown belt to show his discipline slash perseverance and he never took karate before. That's how you pass a test. That's how you do it. That is amazing. That's one thing they can't check. They can't be like, here's, you know, break these boards.

• 15:30H. Foley?

  Special.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just happen to have a stack of cinder blocks.

• 15:34H. Foley?

  That'd be a real dickhead boss. You go when he's in a kimono, whatever that is. Ah, so I hear you're a blue belt, huh?

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Well, that's the problem. If they are into karate.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  Break the conference table in half.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Then you gotta talk shop with them.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, then you gotta talk shop.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  And that's how they get you.

• 15:47H. Foley?

  Could you fake that?

• 15:49Speaker 02

  What, karate?

• 15:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, if you lied and said that you were, that you, uh, that you were a, um, a green belt.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  That's fine. Brown belt's right below black. So you gotta know what you're doing. I would be like, well, I think my biggest weakness is, ha ya! I strike when you least expect it.

• 16:04H. Foley?

  I'm a throat chop man, throat chop specialist. Would you be able to bullshit it?

• 16:09Speaker 02

  I mean, what do they, I mean, what would you ask me?

• 16:10H. Foley?

  What do you call the, what do you call the place where they work out in?

• 16:13Speaker 02

  A dojo.

• 16:14H. Foley?

  What do they call the mat? Is it a mat? I don't know.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, the mat.

• 16:18H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  My ghee?

• 16:20H. Foley?

  What's a ghee? The butter?

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Talking about that cat.

• 16:23H. Foley?

  I thought it was a kimono.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  No. Kimones are what fucking hot broads or wishy-washies wear.

• 16:28H. Foley?

  Really?

• 16:28Speaker 02

  A ghee, a karate ghee. So I'm told.

• 16:31H. Foley?

  I always go to the restaurant with them.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  They're wearing a burlap sack.

• 16:35H. Foley?

  A lot of calluses. Okay, but let's talk about Cash App, baby.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Shout out to Cash App.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  I know what the big dog, shout out to Cash App. Sponsor on the show, gang, sending money can be easy if you want.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Using Cash App.

• 16:48H. Foley?

  That's right, if you use Cash App, do yourself a favor, get over to Cash App, send that out, baby, you don't gotta worry about it. They're not asking you 15,000 questions or anything like that. What's going on, what's the deal with this first job? Forget about it, do yourself a favor, use Cash App when you want to send money quick and easy.

• 17:05Speaker 02

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• 17:19H. Foley?

  How you doing?

• 17:21Speaker 02

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• 18:02Speaker 02

  Visit cashapp. app, cash.app/ legal/podcast for full disclosures, do it.

• 18:08H. Foley?

  Kevin, let's talk about Factor.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Shout out to Factor.

• 18:10H. Foley?

  Now, you've never had Factor, you don't know Factor means, right?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  I've been using Factor for about three or four years.

• 18:16H. Foley?

  Let me tell you something right now, these goddamn things are delicious.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  I know, they're so good. Shredded chicken taco bowl, you have my heart.

• 18:23H. Foley?

  Those guys know their way around mashed cauliflower like nobody has, I've never seen in my life. Gang, do yourself a favor, school's gonna start back up soon, the kids are gonna be running around, you're gonna have sporting things to get to, you're gonna have Johnny's recital, you're gonna have all this stuff to do. You're a single gal, single guy, you're gonna wanna be mixing up in your lightweight jacket out at the bar. Do yourself a favor, stay eating nutritious, stay eating delicious with Factor. You throw them in the microwave two minutes, or you wanna be fancy like Kippy, you pop them open, you throw it in a skillet, get it cooking up, throw it on a plate real nice. Number one ready to eat meals in America.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:01H. Foley?

  Fresh, never frozen.

• 19:02Speaker 02

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• 19:16H. Foley?

  Shout out to them.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Savor global flavors. They got Asian-inspired meals with bold flavors by China, Thailand, and more. Buddy, they're killing it.

• 19:22H. Foley?

  They are.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Eat smart at factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That is a lot of turkey. That's code garbage50off at factormeals.com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered to your door with Factor.

• 19:43H. Foley?

  Do it. The gi, that's your karate gi.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I mean, I would, listen, I would, I would go, I would put it, this is how I would play it. I put it on my resume.

• 19:52H. Foley?

  Kevin, it says here that you're a Blue Belt in karate. You studied with Tiger Shulman.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  The Jewish, I'd say.

• 19:59H. Foley?

  Which, is there an actual Tiger Shulman? There's no way his first name was Tiger and his last name was Shulman.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  No. I always found that weird because I didn't realize, I knew one Shulman growing up and he was a

• 20:09H. Foley?

  So did I.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  He was a very big, uncoordinated Jewish fella. And I was thinking, I'm like, I can't see a Shulman mastering the Mets.

• 20:19H. Foley?

  Ours was a, was a, was a smaller Jewish fella. Good kid. Parents were the richest people, the biggest house I've ever been in in my life.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  All that karate money. It runs deep. Yeah. It's like, it's like the Waltons.

• 20:32H. Foley?

  He had one of those backyards that went down. That was like, um, like I can't describe it. It had like a hill in the back, but it was all like perfectly manicured. And then down at the bottom was like the pool and like a pool house and all this stuff. I was only there for like 45 minutes at a party once.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  So you got caught stealing the silverware.

• 20:52H. Foley?

  Couldn't believe, I was like, god damn it.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Going through their medicine chest.

• 20:55H. Foley?

  This house is fucking 15 minutes away from mine.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 20:58H. Foley?

  Do you own my house, too?

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Sorry, we're gonna be looking on rent this month. What do you got?

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Mr. Daniel, nicknamed Tiger Shulman.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:07H. Foley?

  Is he still alive?

• 21:09Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, he was born in 1962.

• 21:11H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  What's his net worth?

• 21:14H. Foley?

  Eighty-seven dollars.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  And where did it start? Is that local or that's national?

• 21:16H. Foley?

  Califor- it's gotta be California.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  He was born in New York.

• 21:20H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Tiger.

• 21:22H. Foley?

  Why?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  What?

• 21:23H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 21:25H. Foley?

  I would've said Detroit. Tigers?

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I got you. Um...

• 21:31H. Foley?

  Huh!

• 21:32Speaker 02

  That's interesting.

• 21:33H. Foley?

  Twenty-five million.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  It's gotta be more than- I mean, if Tiger Shulman's- if they are national...

• 21:41H. Foley?

  I think they are. And there's really no competition. Who else you gonna go to unless it's a local spot?

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. There's nobody.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  I mean, there- I can't get his net worth, but the revenue is thirty-four million dollars a year. Yeah.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  It's gotta be franchised.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Let's open up a Tiger Shulman's.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  That's pretty sweet.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  It's me and you.

• 21:58H. Foley?

  Who's gonna train?

• 21:59Speaker 02

  What? Us.

• 22:01H. Foley?

  You don't know karate?

• 22:01Speaker 02

  I'm a brown belt. Check the resume.

• 22:04H. Foley?

  Hey, you don't.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  I- listen, you're teaching these kids. They don't know.

• 22:06H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  Teach 'em a fucking headlock. Full Nelson.

• 22:09H. Foley?

  Kick 'em in the nuts.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Teach 'em the illegal throat chop.

• 22:11H. Foley?

  The crying Ryan.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Hit 'em. Um... They just opened up a- I never understood karate. I would like have- as a kid, it's a very childish- But I think it's very- it's a lot of children. Like, actual karate.

• 22:27H. Foley?

  If I was in the best shape of my life, would I be able to fight and beat up a black belt in karate? It's bullshit, right? Not bullshit.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Whoa, hey!

• 22:35H. Foley?

  It's not like jujitsu where like those guys would fuck you up. Like karate's gotta be coordinated. Would a karate guy be able to kick my ass?

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I thi- yeah, I mean, I think so.

• 22:44H. Foley?

  Huh. I'm not doubting it. I'm just- I'm- I'm- I'm ignorant to it.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know what the- I've only ever known children that do it, and they opened up a dojo in my neighborhood.

• 22:54H. Foley?

  I know a guy that sold weed that did it.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Uh, and it's mostly children.

• 22:58H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Like, it's for the kid. And this is the first time I looked at it, I was like, oh, this is a child's activity.

• 23:02H. Foley?

  Self-defense, confidence.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  I think if you're- it's more self- it's more handling yourself.

• 23:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  I don't think it's like-

• 23:08H. Foley?

  Well, we can't be teaching that. What you wanna do is freak out.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Brass knuckles.

• 23:15H. Foley?

  Kids, I want you to start worrying.

• 23:19H. Foley?

  That's a sweet move.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a big proponent of lying on any sort of documentation to achieve something.

• 23:25H. Foley?

  I was big on the, uh, I always did, um, what's it, special buddies? Bu- buddy system.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  That sounds like

• 23:34H. Foley?

  Buddies around the world.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Molestation.

• 23:36H. Foley?

  No, it was the, it's an organization. Best buddies, special buddies.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  That's the Catholic Church?

• 23:43H. Foley?

  No.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Best Buddies International.

• 23:46H. Foley?

  Yeah, Best Buddies International.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  What was that?

• 23:49H. Foley?

  Um, I think it was for mentally challenged people. You be- you became like a friend for mentally challenged people.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  What side were you on? Not, just, just curious.

• 23:58H. Foley?

  Take me around to McDonald's.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  This is the 80s, it could have been misdiagnosed.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  I think it was best buddies, right?

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, I was, I did that for like six years.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  What's that got to do with karate?

• 24:07H. Foley?

  Nothing, I would just

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Just let this guy beat your ass. He's tossing you around like a rag doll with a big hog.

• 24:14H. Foley?

  Martin, stop! Ayah! You're not getting ice cream later!

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Powerbombing you.

• 24:23H. Foley?

  I get that kid that smashes the two bottles together in the pool.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Oh, that kid's awesome, fucking, that guy's

• 24:30H. Foley?

  That guy likes to party.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Don't do it.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  That kid likes to party, shout out to him.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  As I've gotten my older age, I've really appreciated that kind of thing in the sense of like, yeah, that's a pain in the ass, you just broke glass in the pool, but it's like, let's have a good time, what are we doing here? Why are we keeping on air? We're adults, we'll pick out the gla- just break the glass, let's have a good time. Guy's enjoying himself.

• 24:59H. Foley?

  Yeah, I did that for six years.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  That was your, at, your extracurricular activity, like, that's what you would have put on your resume?

• 25:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's what I would have put on my resume. Actually, probably have my, I, I, cause I just looked at it recently, I have my serving resume on me.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  On you?

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  I got some, I got a call from a friend of mine, this is, I don't know if we've talked about this, this is,

• 25:21Speaker 02

  I got a call from a friend of mine who's helped us out, or helped me out very early on in my career.

• 25:28H. Foley?

  Right.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  New York career.

• 25:29H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  Was almost a 10% investor of AYG.

• 25:33H. Foley?

  Oh, it's my acting resume.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Man. That only took you eight minutes if you weren't that in.

• 25:40H. Foley?

  Comedic timing, improvisational skills, stand-up comedy, sketch comedy.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Let's save this.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  Voiceover artist.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Save, so this is a Patreon episode?

• 25:47H. Foley?

  Various accents.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  This is, save it, save it. Guys, check out the rest of that on Patreon.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  I don't know if I can find the other one.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  I can, I can find mine. We'll do some big end.

• 25:56H. Foley?

  Take a quick peek, shortcuts, garage band files.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Alright, save it, save it, save it, save it. What, what part did you not get about save it?

• 26:05H. Foley?

  I got beats in there, dickhead.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  In the Matrix, you'd be called Mayo.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  No.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  That's rude.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  That's pretty good, alright.

• 26:16H. Foley?

  Looking horrible in the trench coat.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Ah shit.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  Fuck!

• 26:19Speaker 02

  It's got stains on it.

• 26:21H. Foley?

  Ah! Can't take me to see the Oracle. I would've crushed them cookies, though, they look good.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Um, a buddy of mine hit me up.

• 26:29H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Said, "Hey, I got a, I got a family member."

• 26:33H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Who's looking for an internship.

• 26:35H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Can I send you over the resume?

• 26:38H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Uh, I'd have to toss him some cash a week.

• 26:43H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  And for, you know, it just ended up, well, then I said, listen, this is how I play the game. I'll just fuck, listen.

• 26:51H. Foley?

  I'm just sending a kid a couple hundred bucks.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  I'll send him a couple hundred bucks, and I'll just say, I'll write him a letter of recommendation.

• 26:56H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  I'll just say, I'll go, "Hey, bud, go." He was more like web design stuff, and I'm like, I don't, I can't even, he, like, I write his resume, and I'm like, "I don't know what 99, I don't know 99% of stuff Luke does, let alone what this, this kid's like, speaking in code." I'm like, "I can't, I just can't use, I don't know."

• 27:14H. Foley?

  It's all zeros and ones, it's easy.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks Mayo. Boom, got him!

• 27:19H. Foley?

  You think it's zeros and ones?

• 27:21Speaker 02

  It's mostly pepperoni and salami, am I right, guy? Um, so, he, uh, so I just said, "Hey, let me know."

• 27:30H. Foley?

  Where's the kid go to school, can you say that?

• 27:31Speaker 02

  No, I don't remember. It was a high school kid, like, high, like, an accredited high school kid, he was 18 or something.

• 27:36H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  You know, it was like, uh...

• 27:38H. Foley?

  Was this the beginning of the summer?

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:40H. Foley?

  Aw.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  Could've had an intern the whole summer, hanging out?

• 27:43Speaker 02

  No, what?

• 27:45H. Foley?

  Could've went to, uh, pre-fresh parties.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Hang out with high school kids?

• 27:49H. Foley?

  No.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  How old are you?

• 27:50H. Foley?

  College kids though, go to Bloomsburg, hang out.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  He said he was in high school.

• 27:53H. Foley?

  You said he's going in, he's 18.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  No, I said he's 18, he's going in. He's currently in high school is what I said.

• 27:57H. Foley?

  Sign him up for the army.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  He'll show you what it's like.

• 28:01H. Foley?

  I would have been a door gunner.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Sign him up for Tiger Scholman today.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  So I just said, "Hey, man." I realized I were like, it's all, everything's fucking made up and fake. I go, "I'll just say, he worked for us."

• 28:18H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  I'll fucking write him a letter of recommendation, put him on the thing, I'll call the guy. No one cares, just get him the job, just lie. And he was like, "Oh yeah, I'll let you know if we need to do that." I said, "I'm here to help. I'm here to scumbag our way into something."

• 28:32H. Foley?

  Hit me up!

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Big man. I'll go to the interview with him.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  He said his college admissions. Now who is the bug man?

• 28:43Speaker 02

  You just crawl across.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  I'm right here, man.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  You crawl across the ceiling.

• 28:48H. Foley?

  Just give, crawl out the window.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Bug man engaged. Oh, that's so good. Um. Alright, let's hear this one's from Tom. $10 kippy, plus size, Pampers fundraiser here. He just said, "My kid's got a fat ass." "Is it garbage to microwave a frozen lasagna in the office microwave? Them John's jam up the break room microwave for about 10 to 15 minutes." That is a dirtbag level question on a such specific, it's not the smell, it's going, "I'm jamming every..." Dude, think about if you were gonna microwave your shit.

• 29:22H. Foley?

  Who's got something in here for 25 minutes?

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Dude, if you got a half-

• 29:25H. Foley?

  That's lunch!

• 29:26Speaker 02

  If you got a half hour break and you get in here and he's at minute 14, that's half your break's gone.

• 29:32H. Foley?

  You gotta do that. Say you get lunch at 11, you gotta pop in at 10:30 and throw that in.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta, "I'm running to the bathroom." You get in there, start it early.

• 29:40H. Foley?

  But then, then you gotta something in there cooking for 20, 20 minutes with no supervision. That's how the break room blows up. Then you're jammed up. I know the exact, I assume, if you're, if this guy's worth any weight, worth his salt, that is a Stouffer's Mini Lasagna.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Listen.

• 30:00H. Foley?

  And those things- Hit.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  You, that's not, I'm not, listen, I'm a big, I'm a hot pocket, I'll do whatever you need me to do. But, I think you just gotta go, that's, also lasagna at lunch, that's a heavy meal. But you ain't gonna be worse shit the back half of it, down the back nine.

• 30:20H. Foley?

  You gotta take lunch at like 3 for that. You can, a cup of coffee, a real strong cup of, real strong carick will get you through to 4:30, 5 o'clock. But if you're doing a lasagna at noon, you're doing a noon-er lasagna?

• 30:35Speaker 02

  And that, he ain't doing a diet coke with that, that's a fucking, he's doing some, something heavy.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  That is sleepy. I remember being so sleepy. Anytime I would come back for lunch, like when I worked, I worked at an office briefly as the, as the, uh, as a dispatcher for a limousine company.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  As head chief of karate.

• 30:54H. Foley?

  As a dispatcher for a, for a limousine company. And man, I'd crush a lunch and just be, ooh. Fucking sending cars to Newark that are supposed to go to JFK. Katie Couric screaming at me. She was a client.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Coffee lady? I was in a la, yeah, we were, I mean, it was pretty well documented, we weren't, when I worked with my family, we weren't allowed to take, no lunches. You ain't worse shit. And you weren't. You get in that pickup, you get in the cab of that pickup truck, you start eating a hoagie. It's cold as shit outside, you're going, fuck that. No way. Like that, you ain't worse shit. We would not go off early, go get beers and chicken tenders, shout out to the Ashton pub.

• 31:34H. Foley?

  10 minutes at 10:60 away from night-night time.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then you get that, they get that AM radio going, and one guy's reading the paper, I'm fucking out, dude. Sitting on a bucket, snoozing.

• 31:46H. Foley?

  A lasagna.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Especially if you're doing, we were doing like, I was, you know, doing labor, so you're like carrying, so like, you're already physically exhausted, you're sweating. And then that, that you're cool, you're physically cooled down, it's like halftime.

• 31:58H. Foley?

  You got the meat sweats in the winter, that sucks. But in office.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  I'm like a wide receiver, I gotta stay on a bike even when I'm all, you know, keep the legs moving, keep the sweat going, get me the jacket.

• 32:08H. Foley?

  Ah, did you, did you ever, did you ever fuck with Stouffer's like that when you were a kid? I know the French bread, obviously, but I remember my mom.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  I mean, we didn't, I didn't do Stouffer's French bread till I was in, in college.

• 32:19H. Foley?

  My, my mom, every once in a while would get like a Stouffer's, it would be the big Stouffer's lasagna. You had to put that in like three weeks before you wanted to eat it.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:29H. Foley?

  It was like, it was like an hour and a half.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  That would, that to me, we were never planning that far ahead. That would be like, like there was one in there.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  I remember her getting home from work at like 5:30 and putting that in and seeing the timer on it. I mean, at seven o'clock, what are you, Spanish? What the fuck are we doing here, lady? I got school in the morning.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Go take a siesta.

• 32:47H. Foley?

  And not to mention, that thing comes out of the oven at 7:30. You can't go near that fucking thing.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 32:53H. Foley?

  That's like Chernobyl. It's like eating an elephant's foot.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Middle's still cold.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Dude, that thing would be boiling.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  We always had, we were, my mom, we were, my mom was a big, uh, lean cuisine. Lot of, lot of frozen, frozen stuff.

• 33:07H. Foley?

  They're little though. These fucking big lasagnas.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  My, I'm telling you, I understand what you're saying. My, my stepmom, sometimes for dinner. Which I didn't hate, cause the cheese was like watery, creamy, soupy.

• 33:21H. Foley?

  Wait, do I know what you're going with? You're talking about the, the, uh, uh, the Jolly Green Giant cheese and broccoli?

• 33:27Speaker 02

  No, my mom would make that for Danny. Danny would eat the whole bowl of that. It, that might as well have been alien brains to me.

• 33:33H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me? That stuff is awesome.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  I get it. I get it now, but as a fucking, I mean, he was 10, I was five. I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

• 33:42H. Foley?

  I used to think it was weird though, when they would put the, the, the plastic bag in boiling water. Like, that don't seem right.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  We would do it in the microwave.

• 33:50H. Foley?

  Sure would. That's all you had. Stove was for heat.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  That was for a long time. I remember.

• 33:57H. Foley?

  Had that shit on broil in the morning.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  Watching my mom do that. Um.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  I'm not heating the whole friggin' house. By the way, I'm upside down in this fucking energy bill. Sure. That AC's been running, dude. Um. I've been looking the other way on that for a month or two. Wait till that catches up. Uh. Well, you can turn it off for me? Can't, it's illegal. Melderly. Goddamn veteran. I'm into fucking Buddies of America. Can't shut my, shut my shit down. Don't make me come over there and hit you with a karate chop. Um, no, we used to do this, for like dinner, we would do a side of the microwave Stouffer's, uh, mac and cheese. Okay. And I remember being like, I, we were America's Choice, the Kraft of her, you know, like the blue box, America's Choice blue box.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Then she, my, my stepmom would do Velveeta, but then sometimes she, I guess she had a taste for that, she would do that. That's, that pasta's too mushy. It's too thin. It like dissolves. It's crazy. I liked it though. Dude, the second you whacked that with a can of Coke, it was gone. It was like, it didn't even happen. It was fucking, like Criss Angel. Eating the Eucharist. Eating, yeah, very. Uh, I did love that stuff though, yeah. I remember my fucking, my stepdad hit me with a meatloaf Hungry Man when I was real young. My mom, it was the first day he watched us. I might, I might have, first time he watched us and the dude, there was like, I was, I was a young kid.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  I wasn't a gravy guy. I wasn't a fucking red meat guy. He might as well gave you a cigar to chew on.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  I loved them. I get, I, I get it, but at that, first of all, I'm like. Me and my brother were big Salisbury Steak Boys. That's exactly, and I go, first of all, I go, my mom does the cooking. I just met this fucking guy. He's smoking a, smoking a Winston, microwaving meat. That's got the chocolate brownie though. Yeah, we, oh, I touched, I, oh, I dabbled in a brownie. Those things are bangers. Uh, I dabbled in, I remember just, I go, there's no way I'm touching them vegetables. No friggin' way. I did scoops of the mashed potatoes into the gravy. I dabbed them in the gravy, wet my beak though.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I suck. But I remember going, I'm like, dude, you're new here. This don't, I'm a picky eater and it ain't this, okay? Go get the chicken nuggets or Diego waffles. We're having dinner.

• 36:27H. Foley?

  I see an onion. I freak.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't like that onion bread. I love it now, that onion bread. Hit me with that one time from Super Fresh. That's that buddy.

• 36:38H. Foley?

  Hey man, there's bugs on this.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  I don't like vegetables in my bread.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  I didn't remember, I remember getting caught with it.

• 36:46H. Foley?

  He scraped these mosquitoes off.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  He had buttered it already. And I didn't know, and like a long string of onion came through.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Fucking freaked.

• 37:00H. Foley?

  Fucking dental flaws in here.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Fucking worms, dude. No way, you got worm bread?

• 37:06H. Foley?

  You freak out.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  It's just bait.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Took me a while to get back on that horse.

• 37:17H. Foley?

  He lied to you. Covered it up with cream cheese. Get you to eat it.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Same thing, just eat it. Flavor. Yeah, I don't like it. That's what they always hit me with.

• 37:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, night crawling flavor, baby.

• 37:32H. Foley?

  You got a Kings of Hawaii in back there?

• 37:35Speaker 02

  You got any?

• 37:36H. Foley?

  Stick to the islands, baby.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  You got any Pillsbury? There's worms in mine.

• 37:43H. Foley?

  Ah, Pillsbury Doughboy never lied to you. Put any of that shit in there.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  That's goddamn American. That's straight up the middle.

• 37:50H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  I'm not trying to be fucking French or whatever. That is onions in your bread.

• 37:55H. Foley?

  Lasagna in the break room.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 37:58H. Foley?

  You got some people pissed at you. But you got a nice lunch.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 38:03H. Foley?

  Delicious. That, sorry.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:06H. Foley?

  That, you can't, you gotta have silverware, silverware.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't eat that. Cause the fork starts melting. That carries a high temp. That's a high heat, that oil in those things.

• 38:17H. Foley?

  You can't cut through those lasagna, uh, they're thick as shit. That's like a comforter trying to slice through that.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Nothing's wor-

• 38:24H. Foley?

  You're not doing that with a fucking plastic knife.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  Nothing's worse than having to, listen, I'm a big plastic utensil guy. We eat lunch here, but it's like, it's for certain foods at certain times. When you're trying to, when it's that and it's not heavy enough and you're just, it just, it ruins the meal for me. I go, this is so unenjoyable. I'm thinking too much. I'm trying too hard. I look like an idiot.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  You're eating a whole lasagna.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  It's just the sheet.

• 38:48H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Cause you can't get through the cheese. That stuff's hard.

• 38:52H. Foley?

  Fucking dickhead.

• 38:54Speaker 04

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• 39:21Speaker 05

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• 39:50Speaker 02

  Uh, this is in the, uh, this is in the same thing. Um, this is from Salt Off, Salt Off Scott Gun. Great name. Man, that guy calls him the Salt Off. That guy calls himself the Scott Gun, the Salt Off Scott Gun.

• 40:03H. Foley?

  Scott Gun out.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Uh, $20 hoagie, no big deal. "Is it garbage to heat up a Lean Cuisine just to put it in another container to take to work? So they think you made it. My mom used to do this."

• 40:13H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  I respect that. As someone who carries a lot of shame in certain areas, that makes you, eh, you know, it looks like leftovers or something. It's not, I respect that.

• 40:25H. Foley?

  I don't want to burst a bubble. No one bought that. Those Lean cuisines, they carry a certain, particular scent.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 40:34H. Foley?

  That's tough to fake.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  But if you, you might-

• 40:36H. Foley?

  Get a good look at it.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  But if you microwave it at home, get that first cook and then maybe just heat it up.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Or it's all, you know what I mean?

• 40:42H. Foley?

  Maybe a little garlic salt covering the smell.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, fucking hit it with a little bit of, you know, oregano or something.

• 40:46H. Foley?

  Uh, alright.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  That might not be bad.

• 40:50H. Foley?

  I like the move.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Alright, let's see here. This one's from the realist Del Getty.

• 40:56H. Foley?

  Keep an eye on the, the, the, the stock price of frozen dinners. There might be a little bump after this episode. Yeah, they're getting, a lot of conversation.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  They're getting there, too.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Let's hear, uh, "Is it garbage or grow up with your uncle living in the garage in your backyard? He hit his head on a fire pit ring when he was 18 and got scar tissue on his brain. He was never able to have a regular job because of disability, so he built an apartment on the backside of our garage, and he's lived there now for 41 years. He just smoke weed, he just smokes weed, blasts zeppelin, and complains about the American government all day. Talk about living the life." That's what family's for, though. I gotta give you that.

• 41:34H. Foley?

  Got it.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  He got jammed up at an early age, caught a bad hand. It sounds like if he's building his own apartment, he could be working. I think the disability thing is just to keep the checks coming.

• 41:44H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Which...

• 41:45H. Foley?

  Smoking doobies.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  Guy's getting high and he built a goddamn apartment.

• 41:48H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  But, I respect, and that's what families, that's what a, that's a good dirtbag family.

• 41:54H. Foley?

  I'd be down.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  "Listen, I can't let you in the house."

• 41:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  "Been going through my wife's underwear drawer."

• 41:58H. Foley?

  We gotta have a space.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  You can go out back. The backyard's yours. Have at it.

• 42:03H. Foley?

  Probably fun for the kids, too.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Sure. Smoking weed with him.

• 42:07H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Pitching him karate.

• 42:09H. Foley?

  Definitely, you get in high school, you know where to go, you go for the stash.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Sure, yo.

• 42:12H. Foley?

  Of course, he might have a flashback, start fucking pulling out the machete.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Get a screwdriver to your head. I'll do it, man.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  That's Uncle Gary, he's fucked up. He's cool, though.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  Alright, this one's from Victor Mendoza, $10 bozo, never had one read. "Is it garbage or point at the menu while telling your server what you want? I know I look like a toddler doing it, but I can't physically stop myself." I do it when I can't pronounce the word at an Italian restaurant.

• 42:42H. Foley?

  Or you wanna make sure you're on the same page. Cause I've been screwed by that before.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 42:48H. Foley?

  Like, um, I can't remember what the item was. It was like, there was two chicken dishes. One had like, fucking, you know, cheese. It might have been like, um, a sorrentino or something like that. And I pointed at the wrong one, and got like grilled chicken and vegetables.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  The heck? Hungry man meatloaf.

• 43:09H. Foley?

  I didn't get my pudding. Yeah. I'm gonna do, you know.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, you don't know the words, you gotta do that. That's the way it's gotta go, man.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  I get it. Uh huh, I'll go like, cause a lot of times, you go to these places that stop putting pretty much any English on the menu. You go to like a decent Italian joint that really wants to be Italian, and you're like, buddy, uh, what's going on here?

• 43:34H. Foley?

  I would be a little bit of a douche.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  And you're like, dude, just say it's chicken. Just say chicken, don't make me fucking Google stuff, don't make me look at it. So then it's like, I know I can't pronounce the words correctly, so I'll go, I'll do the chicken. Friggin' maga, and like, point at it and hand it to them. And they always go, yeah, you know, you know I can't say it.

• 43:56H. Foley?

  A move you could do.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  I just ordered a Coors Light. You know I can't pronounce it.

• 44:00H. Foley?

  The Coors Light. A move you can do is you step above it and you go, I'll do the chicken. Did you want the, uh?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  The soarin', usually they'll say it, or they'll just walk away.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Hey, wait a minute! No, give me the option.

• 44:15H. Foley?

  I was bluffing.

• 44:17H. Foley?

  When I started working at like, um, most of them were American cuisine, but when I started working at the Greek joint, uh, shout out to Snack Tavern over there in the West Village.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  Closed permanently, I just heard. Someone just hit us, uh, DM'd me, or so I saw something, yeah.

• 44:32H. Foley?

  Taverna?

• 44:33Speaker 02

  See if you can get eyes on it. I mean, they had a good run. Restaurants, a restaurant, stay open, a restaurant in New York stay open for 10, 15 years? Permanently closed.

• 44:40H. Foley?

  Ahhh. Maybe cut this.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Why?

• 44:44H. Foley?

  I don't know. That's a bummer.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck, I always wanted to go back and get that chick. The food at that place was so goddamn good. It was unbelievable.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  They had a great run.

• 44:55H. Foley?

  Hell of a run.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  I mean, for a restaurant in New York to stay open for a decade is, I mean, find the average lifespan of, it's gotta be like eight months.

• 45:02H. Foley?

  More than a decade, probably 20 years it was open.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  That's a long time for any business.

• 45:06H. Foley?

  Damn it, I wanted that chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich with, uh,

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Is this pita?

• 45:11H. Foley?

  With roasted tomato. Arugula and like a mint lime mayo. It was so fucking good. Great spot. Anyway. When I learned all that, I didn't know anything. Tadziki, terremus salata, melanzano salata, berekes, all this, all this Greek language.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:31H. Foley?

  I didn't know anything. After like a year of working there, if somebody misspoke something, I'd be like, you mean the terremus salata? You know what I mean?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  It's like, don't act like you're not doing fucking whippets in the walk-in.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  I'd hit him with it.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:42H. Foley?

  Oh, you mean. And with wine, I always do the scumbag thing of if I can't pronounce the vineyard, you know, the whatever, I'll go, we'll do the Cabernet. The second cab, whatever. Not that one!

• 45:57Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I'll do that too.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  Do the fifteen dollar bottle.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 46:02H. Foley?

  Half carafe.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Average lifespan of a New York City restaurant is, they're saying, five years.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. But eighty percent fail within that first five years.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's, that's, that's a tough racket. Tough racket. How many new restaurants open up in the city every year?

• 46:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  I think like Pizza Place, I just, I mean, it's like crazy. It's gotta be nuts.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Um, all right, let's see here.

• 46:31H. Foley?

  It's funny, my boy.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Your boy who? You ain't got boys.

• 46:34H. Foley?

  I do.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  In 2024, it was over 1,200 new establishments.

• 46:38H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  That's, that's.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  My boy just, my, my boy who I worked with just had lunch there. Good actor.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  John Gorman, Johnny Gorman.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Shout out to him. Um, all right, let's see here. This one's from Bobby T. Ten dollar homie, never had one read. Are you garbed if your parent made you try to sleep off a broken bone? Broke my wrist rollerblading home from street hockey. When I called my mom to get a ride home, she asked me if my leg was broken. I never got to sleep and she took me to the doctor in the morning.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Denise ain't gonna like this, but that was her method. That was like, I knew it was, because you fall. I think I broke my wrist. Chances are it was probably sprained. It wasn't broken. But every one of us had broken a bone. Where her thing was, go to bed. If you can't sleep through the night.

• 47:26H. Foley?

  That's fucking crazy, man.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  I know it's broken.

• 47:29H. Foley?

  Well, you, could you sleep?

• 47:30Speaker 02

  No.

• 47:31H. Foley?

  You had a broken arm.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  A broken hand. Wake up, take me to the doctor.

• 47:34H. Foley?

  Wake up? You'd have to wait till the morning?

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:37H. Foley?

  So you just laid there all night?

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Well, listen. Yeah.

• 47:41H. Foley?

  In pain?

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Nah, it's not like I got hit with a fucking, you know, it's not like a...

• 47:45H. Foley?

  You had a broken hand?

• 47:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but...

• 47:47H. Foley?

  Oh, I would have freaked out.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  Bones don't have nerves.

• 47:50H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:52H. Foley?

  You sure do.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Ain't that a lot?

• 47:56H. Foley?

  Bones don't have nerves?

• 47:58Speaker 02

  I don't think so, no. Get eyes on that. It's the tissue around it, I think.

• 48:03H. Foley?

  What if it was a compound fracture? Still sleeping on it?

• 48:06Speaker 02

  I had, I had close to one of those.

• 48:08H. Foley?

  Ah, I don't believe you. What?

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Look like a civil war reenactment.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  It's commonly thought bones don't have nerves. Not entirely true. Outside the bone, like the outside part of the bone does have some nerves.

• 48:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, there'd be people walking around with broken bones.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  They do, all the time. I had a broken bone for a year and didn't know.

• 48:24H. Foley?

  What, what?

• 48:25Speaker 02

  This one. My navicular. AKA my scaphoid bone. That's why I had a surgery, because it broke and healed in two different pieces.

• 48:31H. Foley?

  Huh, is that your, uh, business hand?

• 48:33Speaker 02

  No, it's my pleasure hand.

• 48:35H. Foley?

  That's what I mean.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 48:36H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  Left hand.

• 48:38H. Foley?

  You wouldn't... Left hand?

• 48:39Speaker 02

  My left hand. What don't you get about that?

• 48:42H. Foley?

  You're a righty.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 48:44H. Foley?

  In the boudoir. A lefty on the tennis court, though, huh?

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Hell of a backhand.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  Lefty in the locker room.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, it was like if you sleep, if I, you know, if you couldn't sleep through the night. He was a fucking single mom, working third shift. He came from the hospital.

• 49:02H. Foley?

  Man, I was, uh, I was soft.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  There was also, you knew...

• 49:05H. Foley?

  I couldn't sleep with warts. When she'd put the wart remover on my hand. That shit burned.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Little bitch.

• 49:10H. Foley?

  I'd be in there fucking banging on their door, my dad trying to get a little fucking piece of nasty.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 49:16H. Foley?

  Uh-uh, here comes the cock blocker.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  You guys aren't having fun without me, are you? I'm here to ruin your day.

• 49:23H. Foley?

  My finger's burning.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  It's no shit.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  Patty would always peel off the top of it and then put it on there.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  That's how you get to the roots.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  She loved that.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  Oh, you're gross.

• 49:31H. Foley?

  She'd sit there underneath the, out in the corner of the couch, under a desk lamp, fucking with the tweezers and a fucking X-acto knife and fucking... With a heater in her mouth. It's like going to like a mob doctor. Bunch of dogs barking around me.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  We also knew that you're not, nothing can happen until working hours. You gotta go to an orthopedic. And they're like, you go to the ER, you're gonna get your x-rays at fucking whatever midnight.

• 50:00H. Foley?

  They're not gonna put it in a cast?

• 50:01Speaker 02

  They'll put it in a splint. No, they're not gonna put it in a cast. It has to be seen by an orthopedic surgeon. Who goes, who reads it and goes, "Yes, that is broken. I'm prescribing you a cast" and puts it in a cast.

• 50:10H. Foley?

  Look at you, George Clooney.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  I've had a lot of broken bones. George Clooney.

• 50:15H. Foley?

  ER.

• 50:15Speaker 02

  Aiden.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  I knew. I knew what you're doing.

• 50:20H. Foley?

  That would be, you should do a Clooney. Comb your hair forward.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  That's not great.

• 50:25H. Foley?

  No?

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Uh-uh. And it doesn't go back. I will later.

• 50:28H. Foley?

  I wouldn't mind seeing that.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:29H. Foley?

  Comb, hair comb forward.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Few things I wouldn't mind seeing you do either.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  It's a treadmill.

• 50:35H. Foley?

  Drop dead.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Be nice to people.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Um, no, yeah, that's, I get it. It's tough. But it like, my, we were, we have the know from so many nurses and people working in hospitals in my family, they know, it's like, you're not gonna do it, even if, like, that happened on a Saturday, they'll put it in a splint or like an air cast and go, "You gotta, you gotta call an orthopedic and schedule a Monday." And at St. Mary's, I couldn't see Dr. Kudruski until Monday.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  We had a-

• 51:02Speaker 02

  I did my leg and my hand. Shut it out.

• 51:04H. Foley?

  My buddy Charlie's mom was a ER nurse, and she worked over at Suburban, I believe it was. It was always nice if you had to go there late night for something, whatever, and she was there. Very comforting.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  I, Denise, the one time I fucked my leg up very bad, told the story, was hanging off from the knee down. Eight years old. Denise picked me up. She came from whatever. So Denise is in her scrubs. Takes me to the ER. They're gonna have to perform emergency surgery in the ER because there's not an OR open. So she goes, "That can't..." She's like, "You're not..." So she walked back behind, because she kind of just blended in. She started picking up phones and calling any contact, because like...

• 51:50H. Foley?

  A different hospital or the hospital she worked at?

• 51:52Speaker 02

  It was a different hospital. We're at St. Mary's.

• 51:54H. Foley?

  So this is like if she worked at Acme and she was over at ShopRite calling the produce department like, "Yeah, what are you doing with these avocados?"

• 51:58Speaker 02

  No, she's not calling that. This is like pre-cell phone. She's not calling that OR. She's calling all of our... We're like Fight Club for lower-level hospital workers.

• 52:07H. Foley?

  Right.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  She's calling any other nurse, any other admin she knows at any other hospital.

• 52:11H. Foley?

  You got a bed open?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  To go, "We gotta get..."

• 52:14H. Foley?

  The fat one fell in a retaining pond. You believe that shit? I'm trying to work...

• 52:20Speaker 02

  I'm trying to go down to Shore this weekend. It's fat fuck broke his leg. See if you can sleep good at night.

• 52:24H. Foley?

  You were probably off the couch for like 20 minutes.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 52:27H. Foley?

  That day.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  I never got on the couch. I woke up, went to school, went home on Liam's bus, and then went rope swinging. And that's... I was too fat to be rope swinging.

• 52:39H. Foley?

  First swing?

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Last. Last one of the day.

• 52:41H. Foley?

  How many have you... How many have you done? I never asked you that.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 52:44H. Foley?

  Did you get a full day out of it or a full run out of it?

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was jumping in to rinse off. And like, I jumped out of the tree, and I wasn't swinging out. I just jumped out. So I didn't get the distance away from the... from the bank.

• 52:56H. Foley?

  Right onto a root.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  Right onto a root or a rock. I don't know. Maybe a serpent.

• 53:00H. Foley?

  They always say that you gotta watch that, like if you're, uh... Like, one of the things that makes the East River dangerous is there's a bunch of piers that got taken down and the things are still underneath there. Imagine diving in and getting impaled on that?

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Ouch. That will ruin your day.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  Plus all those barnacle.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  Only in New York.

• 53:17H. Foley?

  Did you ever get sliced up by barnacle? Crawling out of the... coming out of the bay?

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Why are you not pluralizing it?

• 53:23H. Foley?

  Barnacle.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  By barnacles. You would be sliced by barnacles.

• 53:26H. Foley?

  No, barnacle is the plural of it.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 53:30H. Foley?

  Yeah, barnacle. You don't say barnacles.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  I think I'm not... This is the argument. I think you know. I could be wrong.

• 53:35H. Foley?

  What's the plural of barnacles? Are barnacles?

• 53:38Speaker 02

  Yes, barnacles is the plural.

• 53:40H. Foley?

  Are you sure that's not like a name of a bar or something like that? So I've gotten fucked up there.

• 53:46H. Foley?

  Got my sea legs back.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Woo wee!

• 53:51H. Foley?

  I'm the captain now.

• 53:54H. Foley?

  Alright, I'm stupid.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  No, I'm not saying you're stupid. No, no, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't put that.

• 54:00H. Foley?

  You're a medical professional and I'm a dumbass.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  First of all, barnacles have nothing to do with the medical profession.

• 54:06H. Foley?

  You never use those? You put them on leeches?

• 54:11H. Foley?

  Take the poison ivy.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  Um, but she got back in and started calling places to see if she could get, you know, if we get transferred somewhere.

• 54:18H. Foley?

  They taking you out of there then?

• 54:19Speaker 02

  They did and something opened up.

• 54:20H. Foley?

  Nice. Room on the top floor. Sweet.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  What a nice view.

• 54:25H. Foley?

  Now, would they, would they have put you in an ambulance? Or would she have taken you over in the, uh?

• 54:30Speaker 02

  The Fort Taurus at that point. The champagne Fort Taurus.

• 54:33H. Foley?

  Weren't you bleeding?

• 54:34Speaker 02

  Lot of dead meat. Ah, it's brutal. It was, yeah, it was gushing. I was, it was like, it looked like a shark bite.

• 54:40H. Foley?

  So how were they gonna, were they gonna wrap you up, take you over to another hospital?

• 54:43Speaker 02

  I was, I mean, that was the, I think, I listened.

• 54:47H. Foley?

  Were you tourniqueted?

• 54:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:49H. Foley?

  Hmm. Your boys didn't turn, give you a tourniquet?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  No, an old, I.

• 54:52H. Foley?

  I would have tourniqueted you.

• 54:53Speaker 02

  An old wom- they wrapped, they wrapped me up in a...

• 54:55H. Foley?

  Fucking really wrench it on there.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  First, Liam's brother Rory wrapped me up in his t-shirt. And they carried me, I, I, I've told this on Patreon, then the, my boy was in the Boy Scouts. He clocked a picnic.

• 55:09H. Foley?

  Set on fire.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Turn him into a TV. Spit your tent in his pants.

• 55:16H. Foley?

  He made me a bird ass real quick.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  That helmet's supposed to do with a derby car.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  Shout out to the derby car.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Um...

• 55:26H. Foley?

  I've seen some real shitty ones.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  He ran back, he saw a picnic table, they kicked the legs off the picnic, they carried me to this old woman's house. In the woods. She wrapped me in her kitchen towels. Got me to Liam's house, my mom just so happened to be there to pick me up, didn't know all this, put me in the Taurus, drove me to St. Mary's.

• 55:44H. Foley?

  Dragged you behind the car on the picnic table?

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Eve gross.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  I'm sure I made that joke up.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Probably. Um, but, uh, all that being said, yes, we had to wait overnight for the most part. Our very, they know, they know that. My mom's still, I, even with the baby now, I go, hey this, she goes, "This is the lay of the land, this is what can be done, these are your options, this is the best provider to go to, an urgent care, like, this is, she goes, "This is the scope of the service you're gonna get, and this is the best place to achieve that service." You know what I mean? So, Denise, she knows what she's doing in there. She was there at Lankinall.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  Got him at Lankinall. She used to work in a blood bank. Hematology Denise. She used to answer the phone, I used to call and answer, I'd call a hospital. Lab Lori would answer, she'd pick up, go, "Lab Lori", like thinking it could be like a doctor calling in, like, "Blood tested, like, I'm looking for the results for, uh..." "Is Denise there?" No, and I just go, I would go, "Is my mom there?"

• 56:44Speaker 02

  I'd just answer, I'd call a hospital and ask for my mom, like, she owned the hospital. We're just tell her we're out of Kraft singles. Tell her her boyfriend's here trying to give me fucking roast beef out of the goddamn microwave. "No, don't go." Tell her to stop ashen in my macaroni and cheese.

• 57:02H. Foley?

  Would you do that? Would you call her at work bitchin'?

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Uh, no, we have, for sure. For sure. That was the big threat, "I'm gonna call mom", because me, Danny, and Sarah all were in the house after. Joe brought him in the house. No, me, Danny, and Sarah were all watching, well, they watched, whatever, it was bad, we were all fist fighting and shit, crazy. Sarah was a fucking, you know, she had a right hook that would fucking knock the taste out of your mouth.

• 57:27H. Foley?

  Fucking wise ass.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Fat little bitch. And the threat was always, "I'm gonna call mom, and if you called mom..."

• 57:32H. Foley?

  Problem.

• 57:33Speaker 02

  That was, you, that was a bomb, so it was like, "I'm really gonna, I'll just ruin the week." "I'm gonna call mom and say Danny's doing whatever, Danny stole the car," or whatever.

• 57:43H. Foley?

  Ah, you'd be calling my mom at work when she worked at the fucking office, god damn it, dude.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  What? I'm working! My mom used to have to, I've been to the hospital when, like, I didn't have daycare, or like, nowhere to go, and I've finished shifts with my mom.

• 57:57H. Foley?

  Doing this thing.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  The what?

• 58:00H. Foley?

  Thing that's finished.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  The centrifuge, or whatever.

• 58:02H. Foley?

  I was gonna call this a jury on.

• 58:05H. Foley?

  But I figured since the barnacles debacle, I keep my yap shut. I call my dad. Sitting there, talk to him for like forty-five minutes. He's chilling.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:14H. Foley?

  Call over fucking Willow Grove Air Station.

• 58:16Speaker 02

  Yep. Planes are cracked.

• 58:18H. Foley?

  Chief Foley speaking. Pop, what's going on? I can shoot this shit for a little while. I ain't hanging out.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Hanging.

• 58:24H. Foley?

  Fucking boys.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  Vibing.

• 58:26H. Foley?

  Chilling.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Ah, uh.

• 58:29H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Okay, um, let's see here. This is, uh, Toody and the Blowfish. Never had one read. Ever step in dog shit and get busted out in class. Bad day at school. Oh dude, having dog shit on you and not knowing is like the biggest fear. Cause it, someone goes, cause you smell it, you might not think much of it, and then you...

• 58:54H. Foley?

  It's not till you're in closed doors.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Ah, and someone goes, "What the hell's that?" And you feel a spike up your spine, dude. A chill.

• 59:04H. Foley?

  You know it's you before you even look, cause it's too close. It feels like, it feels like the dog shit is standing right behind you.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  You're afraid to turn around.

• 59:17H. Foley?

  Cause it's always on like the back of your heel on the right.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Ah, shit. And it ain't, it ain't an easy clean. That sucks, dude.

• 59:25H. Foley?

  Oh, that sneaker's thrown out. That's fucked that, you got dog shit in your sneakers. Now you're throwing them out, right?

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. It's a germ thing. Cause I like wearing, I like...

• 59:36H. Foley?

  It never goes away.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  I like wearing my sneaks inside, like, I don't, not the guy of like, I have to run inside. I'm like, I'll walk, I like, I, I don't mind walking to my house with my sneaks on because they're relatively clean. And it's like if I step in dog shit, I can never wear those into my house.

• 59:52H. Foley?

  You ever caught in a Hansi bomb?

• 59:55Speaker 02

  No, other dogs.

• 59:56H. Foley?

  A Hansi IED?

• 59:58Speaker 02

  No, they, uh...

• 59:59H. Foley?

  You hear the click, you know it's over?

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Looks over his pen and drops a pin.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Crawls into a rattle. No, well, when you, I spent a lot of time in the city walking my dog and then you, and you're in a place where dogs typically shit. And he's pulling you, you know, walking through the grass at night. You're screwed. Goddamn animals. That's such a good question. You know, it's over, dude. Flip, I had, I happened to flip in eighth grade. He stepped in dog shit and it got in his Woo Wear pants. And he got called out. So like before class, say class started at. What's Woo Wear? He had a pair, he had a pair of Woo Wear khakis that he wore, he wore every day. What's Woo Wear? Wu-Tang had their own clothing brand in the early, late 90s, early 2000s. How'd it get on his pants? Called Woo Wear, because they were baggy hanging over the back of his shoes. Fucking Woo Wear, these ain't skinny jeans.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  I'm talking, yeah, like that. Type in Woo Wear or that Woo Wear khakis. That's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Woo, dude, they, it had blue right here, it said Woo Wear. So like you knew they were the same ones every day. They were thick as shit. They were wide as a motherfucker. Uh, yeah, whatever, a pair of Woo Wear khakis. Got on his pants. Got on his pants. And dude, he got, so we all had to meet, this is in junior high. Drop off, maybe school started at 8:15, so drop off's like 7:30 to 8:15. At 8:10, a bell would ring. That meant like start getting, you have five minutes to get to class. So if you got to school before 8:10,

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  you weren't allowed to like wander up through the school. You all had to, we had to stay in like the cafeteria and wait until maybe 8:10. Because I guess they didn't have enough people to like, watch the whole school. Sure. So everybody had to stay centralized. And, uh, so we'd all be hanging out and that was when like.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  We're all getting into like our own kind, we're all getting into music and you know, you're like, have a fashion choice, like you're not just like in whatever fucking clothes your parents had. And we'd all hang out on these like risers, they were called, and he stepped in shit and someone sniped him right away. And he ran, he was like, I'm beautiful, I'm, looking back, beautiful problem solving. He went, "I'm not spending all day with shit on my pants and I'm not going to the nurse to get like, "a pair of sweatpants or whatever to wear."

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  Just left?

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  He ran out the front door, cause you're not allowed to leave, once you're at school, you can't leave. So he just fucking snuck out when like the buses were coming in and then had to, his whole idea was like, "I gotta get off property." So he fucking, you know, T1000 ran, made it across the field like it was like fucking Band of Brothers. Like he was that dude running through, uh, Bastogne or whatever.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  Lieutenant Pierce.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, Pierce.

• 1:02:46H. Foley?

  Captain Pierce.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Turned around and came right back. I don't think the Germans knew what to do with him.

• 1:02:51H. Foley?

  Oh, when that guy runs through that smoke, ooh, he was the man.

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  So...

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  I don't know why that guy's not working more, I loved that guy.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Sure. Uh, so then someone saw Flip running out of school, like there was on a bus coming in and was like, "What the hell just happened to Flip?" Like, "Ah, he stabbed a doggy."

• 1:03:08H. Foley?

  So what, he go home and change and come back or call it a day?

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  Stayed home, called it, you call that a day? Fuck that, not running back to school.

• 1:03:15H. Foley?

  That's a personal day.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  I'm, listen, I'm a date today. Yeah.

• 1:03:22H. Foley?

  So, I gotta soak these motherfuckers.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  I gotta wear these Jones tomorrow, that's all I got. That, do you remember UF, you're too young, UFO pants, type in UFO.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  Too young?

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  For you, or too old.

• 1:03:34H. Foley?

  UFO pants?

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, these were.

• 1:03:36H. Foley?

  Pants you wore upside down?

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  These were for guys who wanted to breakdance, myself included. Those things, do the third one, yeah, that, yeah, either one.

• 1:03:46H. Foley?

  There's no way you wore those.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  I was never allowed.

• 1:03:48H. Foley?

  You look like a building, what are you talking?

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Look like the foundation of a garage.

• 1:03:55H. Foley?

  Fucking Twin Towers Ryan over here.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Dude, those green ones.

• 1:03:58H. Foley?

  Get out of here.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  My dad would have beat the shit out of me if I tried.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Beat the...

• 1:04:05H. Foley?

  Who wore those?

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:04:07H. Foley?

  That's hot chick shit.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  I was...

• 1:04:08H. Foley?

  Dudes weren't wearing those.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was...

• 1:04:10H. Foley?

  That's all broads. Oh, that one dude down there.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  Nah, that was like Limp Bizkit.

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  Go down here to the bottom, that kid with the chick.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a hot couple, dude. Parachute windpants. UFOs was the brand man. My one boy Paul had them.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  They were... A store called Mr. Rags in the Oxer Valley malls, ran by fucking potheads and breakdancers, and we were... We thought that was like... They were the cool... Yeah, that's... Kinda who you wanted to try... No, go down, in that same one, down, down, right to the first one, the left. No. Yeah. No. That... That's who we relatively wanted to be.

• 1:04:53H. Foley?

  You wanted to be that's...

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  The guy on the left. The dog tag, a beanie, a dog tag, and a pair of baggy pants, you couldn't tell me shit.

• 1:05:02H. Foley?

  That's what you wanted to do?

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  In a perfect... I didn't have the body for it.

• 1:05:06H. Foley?

  Did you have the dog tags?

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, they would make them there.

• 1:05:09H. Foley?

  At the UFO store?

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  At, uh, at Mr. Rags.

• 1:05:12H. Foley?

  What would it say?

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  They could make it say, "Well, he was customizable by letter, duh."

• 1:05:17H. Foley?

  Two slices and a Coke?

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  A wild cherry Pepsi.

• 1:05:20H. Foley?

  In case I pass out?

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  Is it my medical bracelet? Somebody give me a slice of pepperoni. Bring me back. Oh, fuck me, dude. That is funny. Um, fuck, alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang. Hachi, machi, what a fun one.

• 1:05:37H. Foley?

  What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Go over to the website, grab a couple of t-shirts if you want, couple of tickets, come out and see the boys.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:45H. Foley?

  Shout out to everybody that was Atlantic City.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 1:05:48H. Foley?

  Hot show.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:05:49H. Foley?

  Shout out to Lauren, Wyatt, Travis, coming up on stage, got a fun live show.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:05:54H. Foley?

  We'll see you guys out on the road.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Peace!

• 1:05:56H. Foley?

  Peace.