Pod Insights The Mel Robbins Podcast Your Dreams Are NO Joke: It’s Time to DREAM BIG Again & 3 Ways to Get Started | Mel Robbins Podcast About this episode Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them.
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THIS is the pep talk you need to hear right now.
I’m showing up with a level of intensity in a way you’ve never heard me before.
We are talking about you and your big #dreams.
No matter what you're going through in life, your dreams are alive and well and they are waiting for you to wake up and turn toward them.
If you’re not ready for some Mel Robbins #inspirational firepower, bookmark this for another day. Because I’m not f*ing around today.
If you’re done with feeling like you’re doing the same sh*t day in and day out…
If you’re tired of your excuses…
Or if you're like Barbara, who you will meet in this episode, and you have given up on your dreams because they haven’t materialized yet…
This may be the most important 50 minutes of your life.
There is a flame inside of you that is still flickering.
Today, we are going to throw gasoline on and reignite that fire.
You’re ready for this today. I know you are.
And more than any other episode, I can't wait to hear how you’re feeling and what you’re doing after you listen to this one.
Xo Mel
P. S. A lot of you keep asking how you can motivate the people that you love – your kids, spouses, family members, colleagues. Just share this episode with them and I’ll take care of it.
P. P. S. When you’re done listening, you’re going to feel like you’ve been shot out of a cannon and want to know how to level up. A great way to start is jumping into The Wake Up Challenge so I can support you in getting your mornings off to a great start for five days in a row, which is exactly the kind of structure you’re going to need to get started on your dreams. Sign up here: https://www.melrobbins.com/wakeup
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- That you’re not alone in your self-doubt and self-sabotage habits
- WHY your dreams are so important
- What you’ve done with your dreams
- 3 ways you hold yourself back
- What it feels like to be “pulled” toward a dream
- One powerful morning tip that will start waking you up to your dreams
- The question to ask yourself every day to help you claim what’s meant for you
- Why you need to stop looking to others to validate your dreams
In this episode:
00:00 Intro
03:03 There is a flame inside of you
06:19 Tap into your curiosity
12:08 What happens when you give up on your dream
20:58 There is something that is meant for you
22:02 Turn towards your dream
24:20 Step #1 - Being honest about what your dreams are
28:49 Tap into your deepest desires and write down 5 of your dreams daily
35:18 Your dreams are not a joke
38:09 Start being honest with yourself
40:31 Step #2 - Are you for or against your dream?
42:57 Your dreams are a directional signal
47:50 The biggest mistake YOU are making
54:38 There is no age limit for pursuing your dreams
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to an incredible episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast.
0:11 Speaker 00 This is one of those episodes where I already have goosebumps because today I'm going to remind you of who you truly are, of what you're capable of, and of the magic that your life contains for you. You and I are going to have a conversation about one of the most important and fundamental aspects of your life, and that's your dreams. And no, I'm not talking about the ones you had last night when you were sleeping. I'm talking about the dreams that you have for
0:46 Speaker 00 your own life, your deepest wishes and desires that you hold for yourself. Yeah, those. Today is the day that you are going to pull them off the shelf and you're going to bring them to the forefront of your life. You are going to use those dreams to guide you toward what's meant for you. And if you're having a moment right now in life where things are really challenging, let me tell you something. You need those dreams more than ever right now. Those dreams are a lifeline. Those dreams are going to help you through this challenging moment. Do not give up on them right now. You see, dreams are not just for celebrities
1:29 Speaker 00 and people with money and da, da, da, da, da. Your dreams are for you no matter where you are right now because your dreams are there to help you. They're there to guide you, to inspire you, and to show you that yes, there is something more in store for you. So here's my request. Promise me that you will take our conversation today very seriously because this matters. Your dreams matter. Your happiness matters. You have a big and beautiful and amazing life to live and you've only got one of them. I mean, it
2:12 Speaker 00 just makes me get so emotional to think about how much time we all waste just shoving our dreams to the back and getting so buried by the day-to-day shit that's going on in life. This is important.
2:27 Speaker 00 Your dreams need you, and you need them. And I think you can tell, as choked up as I'm getting, I'm not fucking screwing around today. Because your dreams are not a joke, and this is not funny business. This is serious. And here's one of the things that I love about the fact that you show up twice a week, and you listen to this podcast. I know it's awakening something in you. I just love reading your emails, and your DMs, and all your comments. But I'm seeing a lot of excuses and reasons for why all this stuff that's starting to pop, pop, pop, open for you. It's not possible, Mel. I can't do it. How do I do this? I say these excuses, it's bullshit.
3:08 Speaker 00 You are never too tired, too old, too young, too anything, to bring your dreams to the front of your mind. And today, your friend Mel Robbins, she is becoming your coach. And you can tell, I am not screwing around today. So if you're not ready to hear this kind of intentional, tough love, then you better stop listening right now. You can come back to this another day, when you are ready to hear the truth. Because I am not here to entertain you today. I'm here to change your life. Are you with me? You better say, "Yes, Mel, I'm with you, woman. Let's go." Or nod your head, give me a thumbs up, honk your horn, pat the dog, do something.
3:52 Speaker 00 Show me that you are with me. Show me that you are ready to do what it takes, that you feel what I'm talking about, the urgency that I have for you. I want you to feel that for yourself. And by the way, you better put your earbuds in, because I don't want the littles around here, and Mel Robbins getting mad at you. Please, as we're talking, do not overthink or overanalyze this.
4:19 Speaker 00 Whatever the dreams are that pop into your mind, they have been back in your subconscious for so long, let them come forward. Do not push them away. Embrace them like an old friend. And look, you might not even know what you want. That's okay. I promise you, just as your heart is still beating, your dreams are still there waiting for you to turn toward them. There is a flame inside of you that is always burning. And my goal today is to throw gasoline on that motherfucker. You may be like, "Flame, Mel, it's embers, baby. That pile of light, it has gone out." Uh-uh. That is impossible.
5:04 Speaker 00 And besides your friend Mel Robbins, I am going to be the Kickstarter. It is not out. It is flickering. It has been holding on while you've been struggling through life. So you better start fanning that flame, because if you're breathing, there is a flame inside of you that is burning. And starting today, your job is to fan that flame every day. In fact, just two weeks ago, I was in Los Angeles and I met a woman named Barbara at an event. She had given up on her dream. Well, guess what? When it comes to your friend Mel Robbins, there is no giving up on your dreams. I'm not going to allow it. So a little later, you're going to hear me coach her. And it's going to be just like I'm coaching you.
5:49 Speaker 00 Because I am coaching you right now. Because you know this is not a listening podcast. This is a doing podcast. You're going to take responsibility for those dreams and you're going to start working on them today. I am also going to do whatever it takes to get your ass moving in the direction of those dreams. See, this is not a show for losers. This is a show for winners. And you are a winner. It's funny because, you know, I know a lot of people see me and they see the Mel Robbins podcast and they're like, "Oh, this is like self-help." This is not self-help. Please tell me how creating a better life is self-help? How pursuing your dreams is self-help? Are you kidding me? Pursuing your dreams is your birthright. Having a better life is your birthright.
6:34 Speaker 00 You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be successful. You deserve to wake up every day and feel like you're living a life that is fun and meaningful. You deserve great relationships. Why is that? Nothing's broken. We're talking about your potential. The reason why this show is for winners is because it's for you. You can tell I am showing up with a level of intention and intensity that you have not heard of me before. This is because this is serious business. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are not a bunch of fluff. Your dreams are not self-help. Your dreams matter. Your dreams are what will make you successful and happy and connected and alive.
7:18 Speaker 00 And your dreams deserve your attention. And here's the final thing. Your dreams are your responsibility.
7:27 Speaker 00 See, they're inside you for a reason. They're inside you because those dreams are what are gonna make you come alive and grow into who you're meant to be. Your dreams are your responsibility to pursue. They're your responsibility to argue for. They're your responsibility to believe in, to work for. And I'm here in your life because I believe in your dreams. I believe in your ability to create them. I believe in the fact that you're a winner. And I believe that you deserve to have a life that you love. And that's why I'm here. Like your biggest fan clapping on the side of a road race. "Go, go, go, go, go. You can do it. You can do it." That's how much I believe in this stuff.
8:09 Speaker 00 And I believe in it because there have been many years in my life where I have not had dreams. Where I have been lost. Where I have been spinning. Where I have not been fanning the flame inside myself. I have been taking a bucket of water and with my excuses and fears and self-doubt, I have been trying to extinguish that flame inside myself. It doesn't work. It just makes you miserable.
8:31 Speaker 00 And so today, we are going to get a master class in knocking it off. You're going to get a master coaching session. And I'm going to hold your hand and step by step, coach you. Coach you on recognizing what your dreams are. And to coach you on knocking it off. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business. And today, we are going to get into the business of your dreams. We gotta get clear that your dreams matter. Enough with denying, okay? So here's how we're going to do this. Couple of weeks ago, I was in Los Angeles. And I was doing a live event with a friend of mine named Kathy Heller. Now, you may know of Kathy Heller.
9:16 Speaker 00 She's an incredible podcaster and she is a bestselling author. And she and I did this live event. It's really awesome with this audience. And her sister Barbara came up. And her sister Barbara is this really awesome comedian and actor. And she did an impersonation of me. Here's the catch. One of my gifts is I have, I'd say 100% accurate intuition. And the second Barbara got on that stage, my intuition went crazy. And I just knew, this was a person who had given up on her dreams. Despite how funny and giggly she was, deep down, she was miserable. And so I decided to go there.
10:00 Speaker 00 And what you're about to listen in on is a coaching session between me and Barbara. And Barbara has a dream. She's very clear about what it is. Since she was 18 years old, she has known that she has wanted to be an actor. She has known that she has wanted to tour as a comic. She's known that she'd love to have a stand-up special on Netflix. She has been working at it, everyone, for over 25 years. She has come so close. And when I met her a couple of weeks ago, she had given up on that dream. She had left LA. She had moved to Florida. And little did she know,
10:42 Speaker 00 she was about to get an ass-kicking of a lifetime.
10:46 Mel Robbins? So what are you not doing?
10:48 Speaker 02 Um, what am I not doing? So I moved, um, back home, uh, two years ago.
10:56 Mel Robbins? Where was that?
10:57 Speaker 02 South Florida, the same place where...
11:00 Mel Robbins? Okay.
11:01 Speaker 02 And, um, and I feel so safe and comfortable for the first time in my whole adult life.
11:05 Mel Robbins? You do?
11:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, no.
11:08 Mel Robbins? See?
11:14 Speaker 02 But I, I've been an actor since I'm like 18-years-old.
11:17 Mel Robbins? Uh-huh.
11:18 Speaker 02 And it's been effing hard.
11:20 Mel Robbins? Yeah.
11:21 Speaker 02 So I started coaching people because I was like... I'm talking to Robyn right now. Um, I love that part, too. And I started a pod... I mean, I started directing and editing documentaries, and I love it.
11:34 Mel Robbins? What's wrong?
11:36 Speaker 02 I still want to act and, um...
11:40 Mel Robbins? Yeah.
11:42 Speaker 02 I'm 46-years-old, so I feel like it's, it's okay to be comfortable and small and...
11:49 Mel Robbins? Hold on.
11:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:51 Mel Robbins? It's okay to be comfortable, if that's what you want.
11:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:57 Mel Robbins? It's not okay to be small.
12:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:01 Mel Robbins? Because that's not what you are.
12:05 Speaker 00 All right, I'm gonna say that to you. It's okay to be comfortable. It's not okay to be small. Being too small in life, telling yourself that you should be small, that, "Ah, it's okay, you know, I..." That's the number-one issue. Shrinking yourself. You see, I, for the last couple of years, have taught a course about the science of dreaming. And not just dreaming, but dreaming big. And dreaming big as a way to create a whole new chapter in your life,
12:50 Speaker 00 a way to tap into your potential. And more than half a million people around the world have taken these courses. And here's the number one thing that I noticed after teaching this course over and over and over again to people around the world. It's that telling yourself that you're small, putting a lid on your own dreams, on your own potential, convincing yourself that "meh" is okay, that's the biggest problem. If you're somebody who doesn't know what you want, I guarantee you, it's because you do things that make you feel small. And then you tell yourself that's okay. And here's the thing that I'm really worried about.
13:34 Speaker 00 I'm worried about the fact that if you continue to do this, if you continue to tell yourself, "I don't know what I want, I can never have it, I'm 46, I'm only 23, but I'm 63, and I've tried, and it's hard, and it's not gonna work out for me." If you are the one that is against your big dreams in life, that is the reason why you're unhappy. That you are the single biggest, loudest voice for why you can't have what you deserve. That is the source of misery. That is the source of feeling lost. And so, we gotta stop that, right now. Because the fact is, I don't care how long
14:19 Speaker 00 you've worked on your dreams, how long you've avoided your dreams, how long you've been scared of your dreams, how long you've downplayed your dreams, those dreams are still very much alive inside of you.
14:32 Speaker 00 你不是应该小 你不是应该反对你的梦想 让其他人做 你应该是有最大的 最大声的 最明亮的声音 当谈到你的梦想时 你知道这让我想起我刚刚喜欢的一句 让你的光如此明亮 以至于其他人可以走出黑暗 你知道如果你不是应该小 你是什么样的 你应该是这个大 美丽的火焰 那个火焰在你内心燃烧得如此明亮 当你朝着那些真正呼唤你的东西前进时 那是你的自我表达 那是你的快乐
15:16 Speaker 00 那是你的创造力 那是一个活着的人 而对于那些看我的人 他们说 "哦，我的上帝，梅拉，你真是鼓舞人心 你一直在自己创造 每次我创造自己 你知道我怎么做到的吗 因为我开始意识到我感觉小 我开始意识到我感觉有点失落 我感觉能量被消耗 我感觉像火焰在燃烧 我满是借口 而我做这个练习 我现在要分享给你们 以让我再次与那个梦想 你永远也无法逃离 因为你从我身上学到了什么 你的梦想是为了你 它们要么是你要追寻的东西
16:01 Speaker 00 有助于你变得更明亮 更充满自信 更多你自己 或者那个梦想会让你害怕 我可以给你例子 例子又是一个例子 当我们回来时 我会给你我自己的生活一个例子
16:27 Speaker 00 So I just was explaining to you that your dreams are something that are going to haunt you if you don't pursue them. So let me give you an example from my own life. In 2007, so we're talking 15 years ago, I got a part-time job on Saturday mornings hosting a local call-in radio show in Boston, Massachusetts. I absolutely loved that radio show. Loved it. And from the moment I hosted the first call-in show, I knew, oh my God, this is what I want to do with my life. I just wanted to talk to people every single week about life. And the truth is, I
17:09 Speaker 00 even knew it before. And the reason why I knew it before is because I had been a humongous fan of Howard Stern. I mean, I listened to Howard Stern way back in the day when he was like shock jock material before he went through psychotherapy and became really amazing at interviewing people, like back in the really disgusting days. I was a Howard Stern junkie. And there was something about the energy of listening to Howard and everybody on the show that I just felt drawn to it. I could not stop thinking, what an amazing thing it would be to be able to do that with your life. And so here I get, years later, to be on the
17:49 Speaker 00 mic, I'm hosting this show, I absolutely love this show, that show ends up growing into a weekday show, I end up winning an award, next thing you know CNN is calling, and I find myself then, in 2011, leaving radio and going onto television as a legal analyst for CNN. But here's the thing, radio never left me. Every time Howard Stern would pop up on my dial, I would feel the pull.
18:20 Speaker 00 As podcasting started to happen and become a thing in 2011, 2012, and I started seeing more and more podcasts pop up, I started to feel the pull. What is that pull? It feels like jealousy. It feels like longing. It feels like desire. Sometimes it can feel like inferiority, that you get close to your dream and you want it so badly that you literally put up all kinds of reasons to protect yourself from your dreams. So maybe it's the people you're really insecure around. That's my daughter. She has a dream of being a singer-songwriter, of doing stadium tours. Just the other day, you know, I saw that Taylor Swift had just done something that nobody's ever done.
19:05 Speaker 00 She's got all 10 songs on the Billboard 100, Top 10. Freaking unbelievable. And I texted it to my daughter. And you know what she texted back? "Please don't send this stuff to me, because I'll never be able to do that." You know what that is? That's somebody who is deeply in touch with their dreams, but they're terrified of them. What I want to explain to you is there is something inside of you, and you know it. There is something meant for you, and you are either so afraid of it that you push it away, or you long for it, like I did.
19:48 Speaker 00 Since 2011, if you watch my TEDx talk, which now has 29 million views, you will notice that in that TEDx talk, I talk about my goal. Back in 2011, on that stage, I said, "My goal is to be the number one radio host in the world." So here we are, 11 years later, and we're launching the podcast. And it's taken me 11 years to get closer than ever to the thing. For these past 11 years, have I stopped thinking about the dream? Nope. Have I noticed other people that are pursuing my dream? Yup. Have I felt jealous? Have I felt insecure? Yes, I have. All of those, just like you do.
20:34 Speaker 00 That is evidence that your dream is alive. And what I'm here to tell you is today is the day we're going to stop arguing against your dream and we're going to turn toward it and we're going to start fanning it. So I promised you an exercise. Because step one is you have to get honest with yourself and claim what you want. That's step one. I want you to think about your dream. I want you to think about what's calling you. I want you to think about the thing that would be so magical if you could make it happen, but you've been arguing against yourself. And I want you to allow yourself to claim it.
21:19 Speaker 00 And as you sit there and think about the dream in your own life, let's go back to Los Angeles and check in with Barbara. Because I'm going to ask her to be honest. And I want you to be honest with yourself as you're listening to Barbara. Because Barbara's all of us. You're going to notice that when I push her to admit that she really does want to move back to LA and try again at this dream of being an actor, she's just scared. Pay attention to the excuses that she makes and how she tries to dismiss how serious I am about this dream of hers.
21:59 Mel Robbins? Maybe you needed to move to South Florida to actually feel and understand in your soul who you are and what you want.
22:11 Mel Robbins? It's a scary thing to admit what you want.
22:18 Speaker 00 Because it's true. It might not happen.
22:22 Speaker 02 Right. I've come so close to it happening so many times. And it hurts so much. It's all so scary. The department is like, "No, don't do that."
22:30 Speaker 00 But why is it scary?
22:33 Speaker 02 Because I don't want to go into debt. And I just, I want to like be at least somewhere. So I thought, "Well, I have this, you know, things are..."
22:43 Speaker 00 But here's what I want you to understand. You have not gotten honest with yourself about what you actually want. You're putting all the energy into, "But I don't want to go into debt. But I don't want to do this. But I don't want to do that."
22:59 Speaker 02 So then you do that anyway.
23:01 Speaker 00 Yes.
23:07 Speaker 00 That's the first step. Honesty. And it's very sobering when you get honest. Because for many of us, I mean, look at me. I spent 11 years making excuses for why I couldn't start a podcast. And all those excuses and the dancing around and the, "Oh, brushing it off." And the, "I'm not really that serious about it." It's painful. Your dream isn't painful. Like she's talking about how scared she is that the dream's not going to turn out? What's actually painful is how much energy you're putting into avoiding what you want and what you deserve. I want to teach you the three big ways that you extinguish the flame inside you and put
23:52 Speaker 00 distance between your heart and soul and the dreams that are meant for you. So the first way you're doing this is you downplay your dreams. Anytime you make a joke about your dreams, anytime you're like, "Ah, I'm not that serious about that," you are putting distance between you and your dream and you are extinguishing that flame inside you. It's like taking a bucket of water and dousing the flame. The second way that you do this is you make excuses. "I don't have the money. I can't do it. I don't have the time. I'm too young. I'm too old. I don't know how to do it. I don't know where to start." All of this, every excuse, cold bucket of water on that flame. Stop doing it. And the third thing? When Barbara got really honest...
24:38 Speaker 00 When you have the moment of reckoning with yourself, and you finally claim what you want, it's terrifying. It really is, because you allow yourself to feel desire. You allow yourself, for just a second, to feel possibility. Just imagine how incredible it would be to do a stadium tour and sing your own songs. And when you allow yourself to entertain the fact
25:20 Speaker 00 that that's the dream that's meant for you, you allow yourself to stand close to that flame, you allow it to burn a little brighter, and then we get scared. What if it doesn't happen? And you convince yourself that your dream is scary. And your dream isn't scary at all. Your excuses, and your fear of it, and your joking, that's what's scary. You're so busy saying, "Well, what if it doesn't work out?" You've never even stopped to ask yourself, "What if it does? What if it all works out? What if what's meant for you happens, and all you had to do was turn toward it
26:05 Speaker 00 and start walking in the direction of your dreams? I mean, what if it does work out? And so that begs the question, if I can get you believing that, "My God, it might just happen", how do you keep this dream alive? And this is really important, particularly for those of you who say, "Well, I don't know what I want, Mel. I don't know what my dream is." I have a very simple exercise that I have taught to hundreds of thousands of people. It's backed by science, and this is an exercise that is going to help you get back in touch with dreaming. See, I think part of the problem is that we've all gotten into this mode where we don't want to get our expectations up.
26:50 Speaker 00 So we put a lid on our own desires. We don't allow ourselves to want what we want. We don't allow ourselves to be in touch with the things that we really long for. And it's the fact that you won't even give yourself permission to dream? That's also making you feel unworthy. And so, how are we going to tap back into this dream inside you? How are we going to get your desires flowing freely? How are we going to get you to start to believe that you're worthy of the things that you long for? I'll tell you how. It's very simple. Every single morning, you are going to make a cup of coffee or tea.
27:32 Speaker 00 And as part of your morning routine, you are simply going to write down five dreams a day. That's it. Five dreams a day. You are going to make it a habit to claim what you want, if only by writing it on a piece of paper. And having taught this to hundreds of thousands of people, I already know what your questions are going to be. Are they the same things I write down? Are they big things? Are they little things? Are they things that can happen? What are they, Mel? Here's how you're going to do this. Do not overthink it. Sit down. You have a blank piece of paper. And just write down five things you want.
28:15 Speaker 00 It could be, "I want that new Gucci handbag." And you might not be able to pay for groceries right now. It might be, "I want my puppy to stop pooping on the living room rug." It might be, "I want to be the number one podcast host in the world." It might be, "I want to do a stadium tour." "I want to write a song that helps heal the world." "I want to have a wonderful relationship with my mom, who I currently hate." Your dreams are yours. Do not judge them. Do not shrink them. This exercise is about clearing out the blockage and the gunk that has blocked the highway between your heart and your soul.
29:04 Speaker 00 And what you will give yourself permission to want and desire in your life. Your self doubt, your feeling that you're not worthy, your excuses, your people pleasing, it's all blocking your access to this longing, to this dream within you. And so, we gotta just get the gears turning. Why shouldn't you do a stadium tour? Why shouldn't you have that new Gucci handbag? If that's what you want. You can certainly do the work to get it. Why shouldn't you be happy, or healthy, or heal your cancer? These dreams are there for a reason. We gotta get them out of your head, where you bury them with excuses,
29:44 Speaker 00 and we gotta get them into the world, in real time, where you can see them on a piece of paper. Now, reason number one why you're gonna do this. Five dreams a day. They can be the same dreams, they can be different dreams. They can be big dreams, they can be little dreams. They can be thematic, they can be specific stuff, they can be anything you want. We just need to get your dreams and your desires flowing freely, without you putting the lid on, invalidating, or arguing against them. So, there's a second reason why this exercise is so effective. And it has to do with something called the Zygarnik effect.
30:22 Speaker 00 Now, the Zygarnik effect is an extraordinarily well documented effect in your brain that was first discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist named Bluma Zygarnik. And she had her first study published about psychology and this theory in 1927. So, this has been around for a long time. And what is the Zygarnik effect? Well, the Zygarnik effect is this. Inside of your brain, there is a mental checklist function. And whenever something is important to you, your brain is like, "Oh, ding ding ding, I guess she wants to do a stadium tour." "Oh, ding ding ding, I guess she wants to get her cholesterol down."
31:04 Speaker 00 Whenever something's important to you, your brain takes notice. It opens up a mental checklist. And then, your brain has this really interesting function where it will now work- With you to help remind you of this thing that's important to do. It's like a little to-do list in your brain. And the Zeigarnik effect is, once your brain knows something is important, and it's important if you keep writing it down, your brain is going to go to work trying to help you get it done. And the Zeigarnik effect is so pronounced that it is used, everybody, in software design. Yep, you know how they talk about gamification? You know how you gotta fill them out a form, and then all of a sudden, a little reminder pops up that's like, "You're 64% complete." Well, that's the Zeigarnik effect.
31:49 Speaker 00 That's this mental checklist thing saying, "You're not done yet. You've got a little bit more to go." And so, this is so effective. And so, again, I'm going to summarize this, and I'm also going to help you. If you go to melrobbins.com/dreambig, melrobbins.com/dreambig, I've got a free download for you. Not only are we going to give you some of the key takeaways from this episode, but we're going to give you prompts so that you can print out this free sheet and use it every single morning to write down your five dreams, to tap into the Zeigarnik effect inside your brain to help you keep those dreams alive, and to help you start letting your desires and your worthiness flow freely through you.
32:32 Speaker 00 Okay, so, we've covered a couple of key topics so far. Your dreams are not a joke. They matter. You've got to claim them. This exercise of writing down five things you want every single morning is going to tap into that superhighway, and it's going to help you build the neuropathways to give yourself permission to want things. It's going to help you tap into this flame inside you that is burning and is begging for you to let it help you. Once you get in touch with this dream, you know what you're going to do? You're going to do what everybody does. You're going to start arguing against it. You're going to start making jokes. You're going to start making excuses.
33:16 Speaker 00 You're going to start getting afraid. Because once this dream keeps showing up on that piece of paper every morning, once you start to feel the pull of your heart, once you start to notice, as I have for the last eight years, that everybody and their mother has a podcast except for me... You're gonna start to feel the pain of not working toward it. And instead of turning toward our dream, you know what we all do? I'll tell you what we all do after this short break. Because we're gonna go back to LA and pick up this coaching session with Barbara, so that you don't make the same mistake.
34:00 Speaker 00 So we were just talking about the fact that as soon as you get in touch with your dreams, you're gonna do the same thing we all do. You're gonna make excuses, you're gonna make jokes, you're gonna downplay it. That's exactly what our friend Barbara was doing in LA. Because she's just like you and me. The second you get close to that thing that you want, you are going to kick up a dust storm of excuses, of jokes. But here's the difference. Barbara had me on her ass that day, and I was not gonna have any of it. Because your dreams are not a joke. And so, I got serious with her. And I said, "Okay, so if you're terrified of moving back to LA, do you just wanna stay in South Florida?"
34:45 Speaker 00 And you know what she did? She made a joke about that.
34:48 Speaker 02 Well, I tried that.
34:50 Speaker 00 Okay.
34:51 Speaker 02 I actually am like a big fish.
34:54 Speaker 00 Okay.
34:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, but so, hold on a second. Stop making a joke of this.
35:00 Speaker 02 Okay, I'm sorry.
35:01 Speaker 00 No, I'm serious. Because this is how you block honesty.
35:05 Speaker 02 Yep, yeah, I'm funny.
35:07 Speaker 00 So you're, you are funny. But being unhappy is not funny.
35:11 Speaker 02 No, it's really, really, really not. Especially when you have a sister who's like, "So gonna be."
35:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, but stop making jokes.
35:17 Speaker 02 Sorry, it's so hard not to. You're so amazing. I want to entertain you.
35:22 Speaker 00 No, I don't want you to entertain me. I want you to be honest with me. So what do you want? Do you wanna move back to LA and give it another try?
35:31 Speaker 02 Yes, and I almost did, and then I was like, "I'm scared."
35:34 Speaker 00 So this, what you're witnessing here.
35:37 Speaker 02 You're gonna die.
35:38 Speaker 00 Is you, yeah. You're witnessing somebody who is literally trying to extinguish her own flame with jokes. And you are not having this moment of reckoning with yourself.
35:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:56 Speaker 00 I am telling you that what you're witnessing, we all do this shit.
36:01 Mel Robbins? You maybe do it through excuses, or heaviness, in terms of your emotions, or the pity party, or the, like, for me, always kind of scanning for what's wrong, and if I don't see it out there, I find it in here. Your form of this is jokes. It's how you get attention, it's how you get love, and it has so overtaken you
36:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:21 Mel Robbins? that you're not even honest with yourself about what you want. And the second you get honest with yourself, like, this is no joke. Like, at the end of this, you die.
36:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:31 Mel Robbins? And so, you can absolutely be a happy person. You can be big. You can be big in South Florida, or in LA, but you're not gonna do it by making a joke about everything. And it begins with you being serious with yourself. Like, you don't have to share it here, but what you write in that journal better be honest.
36:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:56 Mel Robbins? Because it can't be funny. Like, your dreams are not funny. Your dreams are serious business. And you have within you the ability to literally write it down and say, "By God, I'm gonna do whatever it takes until this happens." Because here's what would be way worse, everybody. What would be way worse is that you spent the next 40, 50 years wishing you had done it.
37:26 Mel Robbins? Do you hear everybody there? Hmm. I wanna talk to you, because I'm serious about this. You have to be honest with yourself.
37:41 Mel Robbins? I do not want you to spend another day wishing you had done it.
37:49 Mel Robbins? You know, I'm sitting here right now with everybody that is on our team as we're recording this podcast, and I'm looking at everybody, and, you know, I'm thinking, "My God." You know, I'm looking at Cameron, and I'm like, "She almost went to law school."
38:05 Speaker 00 And she felt this flame inside her going "Mmmmm" "Ahhhhh" Go in a different direction. She didn't know what to do next. She just knew that something else was meant for her. Thank God she didn't go to law school. Thank God she turned toward that pole. Thank God she fanned the flame. Because here's the one tool you need.
38:37 Speaker 00 This is the only tool you need in order to align with your dreams. Every single day when you wake up, you're gonna write down the five dreams. That's a way to get your desires flowing again. That's a way to teach yourself how to start dreaming with the lid off. That's a way for you to really start to get yourself in touch with what your mind, body, and spirit are trying to wake you up to and have you pay attention to. The things in your life that make you come alive, that make you grow. You're supposed to walk toward that light. You're not supposed to argue against it. And so every single day, you're gonna be working on, "Okay, I gotta let myself
39:19 Speaker 00 desire things. I gotta give myself permission to want things. Like, I'm allowed to do that. Not only am I allowed to do that, I actually need to. It's part of my life force." And I'm not saying you're just gonna sit around and wish for shit to happen. You're gonna have to work for it. That's how you get it in life, but you won't get where you're meant to go if you can't even claim what's meant for you. And it is a practice of honesty. It's a practice of giving yourself permission. It's a practice of worthiness. It's a practice of self-love. And so you're gonna start there, but let me tell you the simple thing. The simple thing, every single day when you wake up. You can just ask yourself, "Am I for or against my dream today?"
40:05 Speaker 00 "Am I for or against my dream?"
40:09 Speaker 00 It's really that simple. Your dreams are your responsibility. Are you for them today?
40:16 Speaker 00 Or are you against them? There's no middle ground, by the way. Because if you're neutral, you're against.
40:23 Speaker 00 You are either for that dream inside you, or you're against it. So what does that mean? Well, when you're arguing against your dream, guess what? You're not for it. When you're making excuses, are you for it? No. When you are afraid of it happening or not happening, are you for it? No. Being for your dream is, first of all, being in touch with it. So simply being in touch with it and claiming it, that's a way to be for it. I remember the day I was for my dream of launching a podcast.
41:04 Speaker 00 It was two years ago, on my 52nd birthday. I finally admitted that I hated what I was doing, and I was gonna get serious and go for it and start a podcast. That's all it takes. Just claim it. And another way to be for it is to then start seeing reasons why it's all gonna work out. It's your dream, so see evidence that it could happen. I mean, instead of arguing, "Well, what if it doesn't?" What if it does? See everybody else out there as evidence that it will. In my world, it was people that were launching podcasts.
41:47 Speaker 00 Instead of seeing them as reasons why my flame was out, they had beaten me to it, they had blown out my flame, they had stolen my dream? Bullshit! See them as evidence that, yes, my flame too is gonna burn brighter. That they are lights on the path. I said earlier that it is essential, when you're going through a challenging time, your dreams matter more than ever then, because if you give up on your dreams when you're feeling lost, or on autopilot, or you're facing heartbreak, you literally give up a lifeline that is part of your DNA. See, your dreams remind you that this challenge is temporary. Your dreams remind you that there's something greater ahead.
42:29 Speaker 00 Your dreams remind you that this moment, it's a blip. It's a dot. It's part of the path leading you somewhere that you're meant to go. Your dreams help you through challenging times. So don't give up on them. You've got to double down on them if things are challenging. That's the best time to create something new. That's the best time to tap into that fire inside you. You need that fire at that time. That's why it's there. What if I told you, you're actually not supposed to achieve your dreams? Yep, you're not supposed to achieve your dreams. The reason why I can say that is because your dreams are not a destination.
43:12 Speaker 00 Your dreams are a directional signal. Your dreams are like this compass inside you, this GPS system that's hardwired in you. You were born with it. It's like a beacon, a lighthouse out in the future. It's pulling you through your problems towards something greater. It is showing you that there's something awesome to look forward to. It's giving you a reason to have hope, something bigger to believe in. Those dreams pull you through your fears. They make you grow. They push you through your self doubt. That's why they're there. They show you the way. It doesn't matter whether you achieve them or not.
43:57 Speaker 00 What matters is, do you hear the call? Do you fan the flame? Do you wake up every day and allow yourself to feel those things that are meant for you? And fan the flame and be the person that is the force, the yes, the loudest voice for them? It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks. Who gives a shit what anybody else thinks, honestly? And if they haven't achieved your dreams, why the fuck are you asking their opinion anyway? They don't know how to get there. And your dreams, by the way, are not meant for somebody else. That's why they don't understand them. And here's another thing that you're doing. You are literally looking for validation from people who can't even cheer their own selves on. Like, how can somebody who's not even pursuing their dreams
44:39 Speaker 00 help or celebrate you as you're trying to pursue yours? See, this comes back to it being your responsibility. This is an inside job. And when you really wrap your brain around this, life gets frickin' magical. Doesn't mean it's always like roses. Doesn't mean it's gonna be easy as you walk toward those dreams. But there is nothing more fulfilling than waking up every day and knowing that you are the loudest cheerleader that you got. Knowing that you believe that this thing is possible. Knowing that you're the one that's for this, that you're validating the things that are deep inside of you. That is, that is an incredible way to go through life.
45:22 Speaker 00 And so every single day, you're gonna be waking up, you're gonna be writing your five things down. You can go to melrobbins.com/dreambig, because I want you dreaming big. I want you dreaming big. In fact, you don't even realize how much you limit yourself. Kathy Heller, who did that live event with me in LA, she has this really amazing thing that she does, that I've heard her do, and I'm gonna share it with you, but this is her idea, so I wanna give her credit. I want you to imagine there's a blank check in front of you. Blank check. And you could pay yourself whatever you wanna make this year.
46:07 Speaker 00 Whatever you wanna make this year. Go ahead and write it down on that check. What'd you write? Hundred grand? Quarter of a million dollars? Half a million dollars? Million dollars? Who wrote that number? I'll tell you who wrote the number. The lid. Why not five million? Why not 10 million?
46:39 Speaker 00 And again, if you can just play with me that your dreams are not meant to be achieved, they're not the destination, they're a directional signal. Maybe you're supposed to write 5 million down because that's going to inspire something in terms of your self-worth. It's going to awaken something. Instead of thinking about what's possible, tap into what's true. You would love that. In fact, you'd be willing to work for that if I could convince you to make it happen. This is a super simple illustration of how you limit what's possible for you. This has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the way that you're thinking.
47:23 Speaker 00 And so, the problem is you limit what you claim for yourself because you're thinking about what's possible or what you deserve, instead of tapping into what you actually desire. That's a huge mistake. One of the things that I know that you're probably doing is you're doing what I did in the podcast market. I'm too late. It's going to be too hard. I've never done this before. I'm too far down the road in a different direction. I've already been an accountant, or this is my major, or I've spent seven years with this person, or I've lived here for so long. You're doing the whole like sunk cost thing.
48:05 Speaker 00 I spent too much time, too late to change, don't know how to do it. This is a major, major mistake that you're making. And I want you to hear the final thing that I said to Barbara. Because she admitted, she's going to move to LA. She's 46, she's been at it for 25 years. She's going to go back. Because it is way more painful to live a small life knowing you gave up on your dream than to go for it and wake up every day and be for your dream and fan the flame. And maybe it doesn't happen. But what if it does? All I can tell you is waking up every day knowing that you're aligned with this greater
48:50 Speaker 00 purpose and drive and calling that's inside you, that's what you're meant to do.
48:56 Speaker 00 So let's go back to LA, because I want to leave you with one more thing.
49:01 Mel Robbins? What did you get?
49:05 Speaker 02 I got that my sister is very kind.
49:07 Mel Robbins? No jokes, no jokes.
49:09 Speaker 02 I'm not, I'm being serious.
49:11 Mel Robbins? No, I want you to talk about you.
49:13 Speaker 02 Okay.
49:16 Speaker 02 You have to just go for it and not focus so much on what you're afraid of and being comfortable, but just do the thing that scares you.
49:28 Mel Robbins? It's even bigger than that. Okay, so if you wish to be happier, do you know what life gives you? Things that make you sad. You know what happens when you say that you want peace in your life? You want things to be easier? Oh, you know what bubbles to the surface? All the stuff that's broken! And then you have to bring and figure out how to bring peace to this. And so for you, there is something that you needed to do in Florida. So you would get serious about doing the work back here.
50:10 Mel Robbins? And that there was something in the breakdown and whatever it is that you want to call it, that was meant for you because you clearly needed it, to come back here and actually do what you're meant to do. And look, it might take 30 years, but it'll be the best damn Netflix special I have ever seen in my entire life.
50:33 Speaker 00 There is no doubt in my mind that Barbara is going to move back to LA and she is going to not only work on those dreams, she's going to achieve them. I cannot wait to turn on Netflix and see her special. And I want to point out something. Did you notice that when I started arguing for her dreams, that's when she got really emotional? You probably heard her choking up when I said, "You're moving back and you're going for it, and it's going to be the best damn Netflix special? It may take you 30 years?"
51:13 Speaker 00 You see, when I argued for it, I convinced her that yes, in fact, it could be real.
51:21 Speaker 00 Her emotion tells you, deep down, she believes it too. That's what's available to you. Believing in yourself and your ability to make your dreams come true. So don't you dare listen to this and then spend time writing to me about all your excuses and how great it is for Barbara, but you're old, or you're young, or you don't have money, or this, that, or the other thing. Do you understand that you are capable of so much more than you believe? I don't think you realize you're listening to a 54-year-old woman who had been thinking
52:05 Speaker 00 about launching a podcast since 2011. There's not a single excuse you can write to me about that I didn't tell myself, and now here I am as evidence, just four weeks into this thing. If I can reinvent my life and clear out the bullshit that I was arguing against my dreams, if I can get in touch with what's truly calling me and claim it and be honest and turn toward it and chip away at it and figure out how to make it a reality, so can you.
52:33 Speaker 00 Do not waste your time writing to me. Turn toward what you want and spend that energy making it happen. And the fact is, absolutely everything that has sucked about your life or where you are right now, you needed. Because you needed to experience unhappiness, to realize, "I want to be happy." You needed to feel small, to realize, "That's not what's meant for you." Just consider, every single thing that has happened to you and that is happening right now is preparing you to go after those dreams of yours.
53:16 Speaker 00 Instead of invalidating where you are, embrace that it's been a necessary step and then get on with it. Maybe you needed the breakdown that you're in, in order for you to realize, "I fucking deserve to be happy, I'm sick of this shit." That's what happened to me. I had to get so miserable that I realized I gotta start fighting for being happy. Maybe you needed that job you didn't like to realize you better get serious about creating what you want. Maybe you needed to apply to law school and get there and go, "Oh, my God. I do not want to be like these people. I need to get back into the creative field. This is not what was meant for me." Do not let the fact that you have spent a certain amount of time, or that you're a certain age, or you're already almost done with your major, or that you're too early
54:01 Speaker 00 or too late, or all of that crap invalidate the truth. The truth is, you're right on time. You're having a wake-up call right now, and you're having the wake-up call that I intended for you to have as you listen to me today. Because I want you to realize that your dreams, they are as alive as they have ever been. And if you're starting to go, "Oh, my God, I have been against myself." I hope today is the day you wake up and say, "From this day forward, I'm gonna be for myself. I'm gonna be fanning that flame. I'm gonna be working on these dreams." If you're starting to say, "Wow, I really have put the lid on.
54:42 Speaker 00 I really have stopped allowing myself or giving myself permission to have something incredible happen in my life." If you're having the wake-up call that I intended, good. Now, let me tell you something else. There is no deadline on your dreams, and there is no age at which you're supposed to do this. You can start a business at 18. You can quit the job you had out of college at 24. You can go back to technical school after getting a master's at 31. You can literally adopt a child at the age of 39 when you're single. You can go to nursing school after you've raised your kids and you're 42 years old. You can learn how to teach your first online course at the age of 48. You could become a podcast host at the age of 54.
55:26 Speaker 00 You could get married for the first time at 63. You could skydive at 71. You could run your first marathon at 82.
55:36 Speaker 00 Your dreams do not disappear. There is no age at when you can't do something, or when you're too early. It's complete bullshit. Your dreams are something you were born with. They are your responsibility, and they are also the life force inside of you. So stop running away from them and turn toward them. Run toward your dreams. Stop arguing against them and be the loudest voice for them. And for crying out loud, stop extinguishing that flame that's burning inside you. Enough with the excuses, enough with the jokes and the downplaying,
56:17 Speaker 00 enough with this fear. Your job is to turn toward that flame and freaking fan it. Fan it with all your might. That flame inside you is supposed to burn bright. And the only way that that's gonna happen is when you are honest with yourself about that thing you've been denying, about that calling that you feel, about the fact that you're meant for more than where you're at right now, that you deserve to be happy, that those dreams are real, and you have within you the ability to chip away at them. And that when you wake up every single day and you write down those five dreams
57:00 Speaker 00 and you see and you hear and you feel the fact that your life has clues, your life is trying to help you. Your life is trying to help you become who you're destined to become. I want you to know something, that your friend Mel Robbins, I'm gonna be right here beside you every single step of the way, because I see you. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams, and I believe in your ability to make them come true. So 5-4-3-2-1. Stop fucking, arguing, and joking, and making excuses, and get your ass out there and fan the flame, and start working on it.
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