Ep 222: Rosebud Baker & Rachel Feinstein

We've hit the Mother Lode with two of the best in the biz! Rosebud Baker and Rachel Feinstein join us for an epic hang with a bunch of laughs. We're drinking Patron on this episode and make it through almost a whole bottle. Check out Rosebud's new special on Netflix, The Mother Lode. Go see Rachel on the road! Support the show and sign up for you $1 per month trial period. Head to https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Rosebud Baker: https://www.rosebudbaker.com https://www.instagram.com/rosebudbaker Rachel Feinstein: https://rachel-feinstein.com/ https://www.instagram.com/rachelfeinstein_ Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  We're here with Rosebud Baker, new special on Netflix. Check it out.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  The mother lode.

• 0:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Watch it with the wife.

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  Before and After.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Before and After.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  This is the first Before and After in one, right?

• 0:18Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 0:19Sam Morril?

  You found a new, I heard Chris Rock once say like, a special should be like an iPhone. You need a new feature. And you did it, you did a new feature.

• 0:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did. It was, um, you know, it's funny, like, some people really love it. Some people are like, "I didn't know what the fuck was happening and I didn't, I, you know." And I'm like, "I thought about putting ahead of it, like, hey, you know, like, kind of explaining the premise, but then I was like, 'That's too on the nose and it also fucks with the comedy of it, because it feels like it opens up like a true crime documentary.'"

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  You know, like, I was like, "What would it look like if I were to..." And I was like, "That doesn't work. They have to just figure it out, you know."

• 0:57Mark Normand?

  You never addressed it. I love that.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just, um, I mean, I've just been doing promo, kind of trying to say, say it. I do think it helps people that don't naturally get it to understand that premise, but I don't think, uh...

• 1:11Sam Morril?

  Rosebud doesn't drink, by the way, so.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  We'll say that, put that here for Rachel.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  Oh, shit.

• 1:14Mark Normand?

  Give that to Ray, dude.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  I would have absolutely taken a swig of that.

• 1:19Sam Morril?

  But you've now eliminated another thing that a comic could do, so now the next one's gotta be like, you know, "I'm pregnant, but I'm not keeping it," and that's the second...

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, um, yeah, I don't, I kind of was really tossing it back and forth up until the very, oh, shit.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  The baby?

• 1:37Sam Morril?

  Let's, yeah, I don't believe in that stuff, so.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, the baby.

• 1:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Hey, mazel.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  I love the poster.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Mazel to you.

• 1:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Jesus Christ.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, LeAnn, LeAnn Morgan, she's a good egg. That's a yummy baby.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  She is, she's pretty fucking cute, um... But I, uh, I wrote, I wasn't sure that I was gonna do it right up until the end.

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah?

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was kinda like, I shot the second one and I was like, I don't think we need it. I don't think we need the

• 2:04Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  back and forth. Like, we could just use the second one. And the editor, um, Kelly Lyon, she

• 2:10Sam Morril?

  I love her.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  sent me two different cuts. She was like, here's one with both and here's one just by itself.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  And I was like, damn, you did it so well that I'm like, now I don't fucking know what I wanna do.

• 2:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  She just told me, she was like, go with the one that's more interesting for you.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  I think you nailed it, cuz it differentiates. Now you stand out. So people go, I gotta watch that.

• 2:29Sam Morril?

  Do you save a lot of material doing it this way?

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  Interesting.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  For sure. I think I left like, at least thirty-five minutes on the

• 2:37Mark Normand?

  What? That's a ton!

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  So I have something to go out on the road with.

• 2:43Sam Morril?

  That's always the challenge with a special, cuz I, I so often will just throw shit at the one. Like, I'd take everything. I don't

• 2:48Mark Normand?

  That's what I do too.

• 2:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:50Sam Morril?

  Everything I like. You cut, but then, when you start the new hour with the shit you cut, you're like, I cut this cuz I didn't love it.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  I know.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  I know!

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  And now I'm starting the new hour with it?

• 2:58Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I'm like, I don't even wanna deal with that. Like, I don't even wanna go back to it. Um...

• 3:04Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute. Why aren't you at work?

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Oh, I am at work. I literally, I have my fucking setups in my bag. I like

• 3:12Sam Morril?

  You're ducking out of SNL to be here?

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:14Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  I'm honored!

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  It'll be a funnier episode because

• 3:17Sam Morril?

  How was that, uh, SNL at fifty thing? That looked insane.

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes!

• 3:22Speaker 02

  It was awesome. I mean, I literally had nothing to do with the writing of it. It was all like alumni and like the head writers. I, I just sat back and fucking went to the party, which was fantastic.

• 3:32Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  It was awesome. I mean, Whoopi Goldberg was there, you know?

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  You got a lead with Whoopi?

• 3:36Speaker 02

  It's just the most, I, I was excited about Whoopi.

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  That's actually actually fun.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  I was really excited about it.

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  I met her once and she was, I, we were, uh, doing the MSG benefit thing and We just like found each other together and they were like, "Take a picture." So we just, I put my arm around her and she goes, "You're gonna regret taking this picture with me."

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Really? Alright, I like that. I'm gonna go with Whoopi.

• 3:57Sam Morril?

  It made me laugh.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Dude, I, it wasn't like I was going up to it going like, "Maybe Whoopi will be there." But I saw Whoopi and I got, like, a part of me got really excited in a way that I wasn't kind of expecting.

• 4:08Sam Morril?

  Remember that movie Eddie where she plays the Knicks coach?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  And this is how low the bar was for Knicks fans back then. The ending was, "They made the playoffs." It wasn't like they won the championship. They're like, "We're in the playoffs."

• 4:20Sam Morril?

  But she was, I mean, yeah, I mean, this is like every Knicks fan's dream. I mean, Ghost, she did a lot of great shit.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, Ghost.

• 4:25Sam Morril?

  She's in the Willis Reed jersey too. I mean, that's old school.

• 4:28Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 4:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, so who else were you there? Was there anyone there? I mean?

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Dude, I got in line at the, the check-in line. I was behind Meryl Streep and I

• 4:35Mark Normand?

  What?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  I just started doing laps around the building because I was like, "I, this is, I'm in the wrong place."

• 4:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Like, it was like, what is it? Imposter Syndrome just led me around the building like four times before I went, "Oh no, there's one check-in line, you dumbass," and you just happened to be behind Meryl Streep.

• 4:52Mark Normand?

  Wow, man.

• 4:53Sam Morril?

  Did you say anything to her?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  No, no. I was like, I just

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  Move bitch.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  No, I was, I was just like, "I'm not supposed to be here." It was like, the way I felt my first day in the building, times a million.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  You know?

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  But you know a lot of those people now, though.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I've met them, but I, I just

• 5:11Mark Normand?

  This is Bill Murray, Sandler, Paul Simon. Oh, look who's on time! I can't believe it! Wow, Rachel, everybody.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  Do we have any juice for this? Because Rachel can't do it tequila straight. Sit here, Rach.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Rachel, I like your outfit.

• 5:25Mark Normand?

  Lightweight.

• 5:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did my sister help you?

• 5:28Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Did my sister help you?

• 5:31Sam Morril?

  We need the mic. Person who's been in comedy for 20 years. You need a mic on it.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Make that 70.

• 5:39Mark Normand?

  You guys are the poster children for bouncing back after pregnancy.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:44Sam Morril?

  This is the most Rachel entrance of all time, just throwing shit, a phone's ringing.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  I have a different outfit.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  I was like, okay, I'll get there and Rosebud will help me drive, because Rosebud always looks impeccable. And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  You both look great.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 5:57Sam Morril?

  You too, Mark.

• 5:58Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'll take it.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Go back to the thing about bouncing back.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Mark, you've really bounced back.

• 6:01Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Adjust my rack while you tell us how we bounce back again.

• 6:05Mark Normand?

  I see my C-section scar.

• 6:06Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, give her a little juice. She can't handle, she can't handle a straight tequila. Do you want it straight?

• 6:11Speaker 03

  No, not, no. I want the, I want the dumbest twat drink, like a Malibu pineapple.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  No, a little more. I think she needs more than that.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, come on, what do you take me for?

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  This is pretty damn good tequila, it goes down easy.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  I haven't been divorced yet, geez.

• 6:25Mark Normand?

  Tell that to your outfit. That's a divorced lady at the bar outfit.

• 6:29Sam Morril?

  Rosebud was telling us about the SNL 50 party.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Who's who?

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  What was like, who was like the most crazy person to run into there?

• 6:38Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 6:39Mark Normand?

  Eddie Murph?

• 6:40Speaker 02

  I didn't run into Eddie Murphy, it was crazy to see him there.

• 6:43Mark Normand?

  LD?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Bill Murray.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, the king.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Was definitely the one where...

• 6:47Sam Morril?

  That was a funny segment he did with the, he ranked the anchors.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  He sang Gloria on stage, like at the after-party, and I, I saw that and I was like, okay, I can go home now.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's kind of all you need.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Gloria!

• 7:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, you made up with Chevy, they had a long time feud.

• 7:02Sam Morril?

  Was that real?

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, they hated you.

• 7:04Sam Morril?

  Because I know, I know Bill Murray had the feud with Harold Ramus, like till the death bed, and I'm like, dude, you gotta, life's too short, you gotta make up.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Was anyone like tanked, like, but like slovenly tanked? You don't have to say who, but you know, were there some people you would...

• 7:15Speaker 02

  I mean, everybody was hammered, like, it was, you know, I don't even know how much cocaine was like coursing through.

• 7:21Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 7:22Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 7:23Sam Morril?

  Throwback party.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess you're right.

• 7:24Sam Morril?

  That's how they did it in the 70s, right?

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Them good old days.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  It was a fucking good time.

• 7:29Sam Morril?

  When's the last, when's the last time you think Chevy Chase blew a line?

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Out of during community.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 7:35Mark Normand?

  Probably. I skied was fucked up. He had a cane.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  You probably want to ask me about things over in Masbeth, Queens. The memory of point store there. Kicking off.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's funny.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Just say there's some pretty rare baseball cards showing up.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  It's weird to like go to something like that because you, you know, especially as a current writer, you're like, you still, you just feel so beneath it. Even though you're there, you feel like this is, I'm not, I shouldn't be here, you know?

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  But you're a comic.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Don't you feel better than a few of them? Like?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  What?

• 8:14Speaker 03

  There gotta be a couple that you see where you're like, ah.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 8:16Speaker 03

  You're a great, you're.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Like a couple comics?

• 8:19Speaker 03

  No, just like writer. I was just being.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  I mean, you're definitely, you're very, your special also is hilarious, airtight, fucking brilliant special.

• 8:26Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  All the way through.

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  I've not watched it. I've been on the road for 16 days, so. We watched Man Hunter and Red Rock West.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  So fat.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Those are still, those are classics.

• 8:37Sam Morril?

  Those are old. Yeah, we watched two movies on the bus.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  I would never watch either of those. They're classics.

• 8:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Hilarious.

• 8:41Sam Morril?

  No, I was actually on the road once when some of those Sandler dates and we're like a dinner afterwards. And Tim Meadows is there, all these people are there and Tim Meadows, I don't know if I ever told you this, but he goes, there's this really funny new writer there, Rosebud Baker.

• 8:53Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  For real?

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Oh shit.

• 8:55Sam Morril?

  I was like, oh, that's cool.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  That's awesome. That's really nice.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  Tim Meadows.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 8:59Sam Morril?

  Who doesn't like Tim Meadows?

• 8:59Speaker 02

  That makes me feel a lot better. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's every, every day that you go in that building, you feel a little less funny than the day that you walked in. You know what I mean?

• 9:08Mark Normand?

  Because of the competition? What do you mean?

• 9:10Speaker 02

  I don't know. It's the competition or the fucking psychology of the place. I don't know. I just like, if I was depending entirely, and I think this is why I've stayed focused on standup, because like if I was depending entirely on that building to feel funny.

• 9:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  I'd kill myself.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  I'd kill myself.

• 9:26Mark Normand?

  Well, it's a theater energy in there. I took an improv class and I felt like so dark and weird compared to, they were like normal and supportive, you know, and I'm making crazy jokes.

• 9:35Sam Morril?

  Mark's starting, Mark gave me a suggestion. The abortion clinic? Let's start a.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they were not into it.

• 9:42Sam Morril?

  Oh my God, it's dead.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  I would love to see marketing improv. Fascinating. Every experiment, he's supposed to shiver like.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  You guys should do that.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  He's just calling everyone a whore.

• 9:51Mark Normand?

  Yes, and they have to yes and do.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  You should do that for your YouTube. Like just go do a fucking, do one.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they freaked out. I was not invited.

• 9:59Sam Morril?

  You farting on other improv people?

• 10:02Mark Normand?

  Yes and that, you queef.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  I would love to see that.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  It took you like a year to realize that you weren't just like an active prick, but that you were terribly a rock.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:13Sam Morril?

  I was defending Mark early on. I was like, nah, you gotta get some...

• 10:16Speaker 03

  And Sam kept explaining everything you said to me. Now, yeah, now, I get it now.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  You guys didn't like each other?

• 10:21Sam Morril?

  No, they liked each other.

• 10:22Mark Normand?

  I liked her, she didn't like me.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  No, no, I like, no, I love Mark. I just like, there was the first few times before I got to know him better that I didn't understand Mark yet.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  So I was like, why is he saying things that are like finally, like, were horrifying me? I didn't know him quite well enough to that point, so it was just sort of jarring. But then Sam was like, oh no, that's just Mark. Like, he'll go, he actually has no idea.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  And then I, and then I think you sent me that lovely text once, like, I think I gently recommended you to a therapist and you, and you went, and then...

• 10:53Speaker 02

  I gently recommended?

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Clearly the text was like coached by Alan, because it was like the nicest thing I've ever received from Mark. Like, you were thanking me for being a kind friend. I was like, oh my god, that all, that's all it took for me.

• 11:03Mark Normand?

  My publicist wrote that.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  Rachel got me into therapy and I got Mark into therapy. And I haven't gone in a while, but uh...

• 11:10Speaker 02

  I haven't gone in so long.

• 11:11Sam Morril?

  But it helped.

• 11:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, actually, it's not, up until last week. I did go last week.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Because we got in a fight at the, me and, me and Esti got in a fight.

• 11:19Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 11:19Sam Morril?

  What?

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Rosebud at the Cellar was amazing.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:22Sam Morril?

  We gotta stop wearing that Free Palestine flag in front of her.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  I felt, it was, I sort of got backed into a corner a little bit. I felt like, she, she wasn't doing it on purpose, but she was, she was like asking me...

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  It was the Booker of the Cellar.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. She was like, she was saying that, you know, she never needed therapy. She's fine. Everything's fine. And she was kind of asking me like why I needed it or what I got out of it. And, and I answered, and then that, I guess that answer didn't like do it, or she was... She kind of asked me the same question again, in a different way. And, and I just was like, you, you can't ask me that. That's all I did. I was like, you just, don't ask me that.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  Rosebud was kind of just like, don't ask people, like, if you're, if I'm in therapy, like, I don't need to tell you why I'm in need therapy.

• 12:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  It was just so funny because I feel like we're complete opposite in, like, I want to channel Rosebud in every way, like, at every moment in my life, like, I just feel like you're just like, boundary, boundary.

• 12:20Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  And I'm just like giving people clothes out of my back. And like, I just like always feel like...

• 12:25Sam Morril?

  Let me grab that.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  With the way you're

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Like, I just try, I remember when I first met Esti, I just kept trying to learn like players of the Yankees.

• 12:35Sam Morril?

  You used to do that.

• 12:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:37Sam Morril?

  We used to have to call in Avails in the Cellar. It wasn't an email that you sent, or a text, or whatever. You, you have to call in. And Mark, Soda would make fun of us. He goes, oh, did you just do your Esti voice?

• 12:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:48Sam Morril?

  Were you sweeter? But Norman would go outside and be like, ah, go Yankees. Oh, man.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Oh, that sucks. It's like an audition every week.

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:56Sam Morril?

  I'm around Friday, Saturday. Man, the Yankees are gonna win the pennant this year, I tell you.

• 13:01Mark Normand?

  You were 50 years younger, I'd fuck you.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Somehow, whatever I said about the Yankees, like Esti would still find foul somehow. I tried to find the most

• 13:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  rawdest thing I could possibly say about the Yankees, and she would just be like, ugh. Like, she could

• 13:14Mark Normand?

  She could sniff it.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  smell the stench of my lies on me.

• 13:17Mark Normand?

  Like, I'm doing this for you, you old bag.

• 13:21Sam Morril?

  Man, thank God Esti doesn't listen to podcasts. This is a

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, she's on the way out.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  I remember, though, one of the first times at the Cellar, I was like on the way upstairs, and Mark was like, Yeah, I heard you stunk it up down there.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  And I like, I'd met you maybe once, and I was like, I thought I had a pretty good set. And you were like, oh, boy, a lot of people are talking about your

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  I'm joking with you.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  in quotes, material. And they say you're trying to, trying your hand at this.

• 13:46Mark Normand?

  This guy sounds great.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  He basically was like, I'm sorry, you know, your little skirt that you thought you could, you know, you grew some

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  No.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  I remember getting offstage once and, and Mark going, uh, good hair. I was like, I'm gonna kill myself in front of you.

• 13:58Mark Normand?

  Now I'm getting compliments, I'm still giving out compliments.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:01Sam Morril?

  I'd kill for good hair.

• 14:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Good hair.

• 14:03Sam Morril?

  All this guy says to me is good set.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  I mean, and I had bombed. No, it was not a good set.

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  It was a, it was not, you were right to just do the hair. It was like actually nice of you to say good hair. But it was also, at the same time, I was like, fucking awful. I was like, this is

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  I was looking for something.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  That was the only good thing.

• 14:23Sam Morril?

  Years ago, this must be like right when you passed the Cellar.

• 14:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:26Sam Morril?

  Mark, we can cut this if we want, just want this in here. But, uh, Mark, apparently you went up behind Esti and were doing like this.

• 14:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:33Sam Morril?

  And Gary Goldman called me and he goes, is something wrong with that guy? I'm like, no, he just Can't not make the joke.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Can't not do it.

• 14:39Sam Morril?

  And he was like, oh, okay. He was like, didn't understand it.

• 14:41Mark Normand?

  What's with these comedians? Who can't, we're fucking around.

• 14:44Sam Morril?

  Well, he thought, he wasn't offended. He thought you had a death wish.

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 14:48Sam Morril?

  He was like, what is, what is he doing? Like, he's.

• 14:49Mark Normand?

  Well, to me, you go after the most powerful person. That's the butt of the joke.

• 14:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, no, I, I get it. I explained it.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Now I understand.

• 14:57Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  But here's the thing, in the beginning, when people first meet you, like, you'll do, you'll say the thing.

• 15:03Sam Morril?

  When did this turn into an intervention for Mark? What the hell's happening?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  And not.

• 15:06Sam Morril?

  I love you.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  I love you, Mark. But in the beginning, it's like you, you'll say something that just annihilates somebody before you're close with them. And then with Sam explained to me that you don't know.

• 15:15Mark Normand?

  I didn't know I was annihilating.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  And then, so now, and then, now I get it.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  I have never felt annihilated.

• 15:20Mark Normand?

  All right, thank you.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  I don't know if that means I have autism.

• 15:24Sam Morril?

  Mark raped me. He fucking raped me.

• 15:28Mark Normand?

  That's how we started the pod.

• 15:30Sam Morril?

  I submit. I was like, I'll do the pod. He got me in a moment of weakness.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  I thought this was like well-known about Mark. It'd be like a con.

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  The thing is, people will zing me, then I'll zing back. And then they'll be like, what the fuck? Where'd that come from? And I'm like, oh, I thought we were, I think I go too hard, maybe.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  Maybe, yeah.

• 15:45Mark Normand?

  On the back, on my, my server.

• 15:46Sam Morril?

  But the intention is, I, I do feel like your intention is always good.

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:49Sam Morril?

  And that's why we've never, and that's why we've never really fought.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:52Sam Morril?

  I, I've been friends with Mark for close to 20 years now, and we, we don't really fight.

• 15:57Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  We don't argue. We're pretty.

• 15:59Mark Normand?

  Just rape.

• 16:00Sam Morril?

  We rape, yeah.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  We playfully rape.

• 16:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Sam Morril?

  And we take turns, you know?

• 16:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  It's important to share.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 16:08Sam Morril?

  Got to share.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  No, after that text, I was like delighted, because it would text even better, because then I was like, oh, I thought this guy was a dick, and now he loves me? This is fantastic.

• 16:17Mark Normand?

  I loved you the whole time.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  He loved you, always loved you.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  And then he became a dad, and then we had that, like,

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  connection, so now I feel like we're thick as thieves.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Photo that you just pulled up.

• 16:24Mark Normand?

  That's what I was fucking with. This is a, somebody took that of me outside of Colbert in 2016.

• 16:29Speaker 04

  This is an ad I got yesterday on StubHub.

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  Where'd they get these photos?

• 16:33Speaker 02

  This is crazy.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  That's a 10-year-old photo.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  This looks like you just got into real estate.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  He does look like a real estate agent.

• 16:40Sam Morril?

  You look like the cousin of George Santos in this photo.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Oh my god, they do get like cra- there's, I'm in a battle with someone on Wikipedia.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Why, why? What's happening?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Putting up a picture of me. I tried to take it down again last night, I don't think it worked. Because I can't figure out Wikipedia. That, that!

• 17:03Sam Morril?

  Who is that?

• 17:04Speaker 03

  It's that random hole!

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Honestly! I look at this photo and I'm like, I don't know where it was taken.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  That's you?

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 17:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought that was a Down's syndrome child!

• 17:12Speaker 02

  I know!

• 17:13Sam Morril?

  That's, wait, that is you?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 17:15Sam Morril?

  Wait, lemme-

• 17:15Speaker 03

  This is like your latest-

• 17:16Speaker 02

  That is me!

• 17:17Speaker 04

  It says 2011.

• 17:18Mark Normand?

  Man, who would impregnate that?

• 17:20Speaker 03

  I have to say, I have to say-

• 17:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, I really thought that wasn't you.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  I thought it wasn't you at all. It looks nothing like you.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  Somebody put that photo of me on Wikipedia and I keep going back and forth and trying to put a different photo up, but I can't figure out Wikipedia.

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're way hotter, that looks like you're like, so fun-loving cousin.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  And I'm like, it is-

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  You look like Amy Adams with Downs here. I mean, this is-

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 17:41Sam Morril?

  You're crushing it now, Rosebud.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  It's really bad, but I didn't even look that, that bad, even then.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  You look like you're being propped up in that picture.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  It really is like a skin suit photo. I don't, I'm not, I don't appreciate whoever keeps putting this up.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  I feel like-

• 17:57Sam Morril?

  Someone, someone replace it.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Talking about it on this podcast is a surefire way to like, just keep this going for probably the next 20 years.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  No, no, no, you have to get help though, somebody will DM you and help you, because I had the same problem with Wikipedia and somebody helped me, because an ex-boyfriend played, my ex, like, put on, put on Wikipedia that I was, like, got my start juggling, and it was like-

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  That's fun.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Every morning show I did, like, they were like, "Oh, juggles." And I looked like I was ashamed of my juggling past.

• 18:20Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Intern, every time I did morning press, I had to bring like, oranges, and I was like, "I don't juggle."

• 18:26Speaker 02

  At least you didn't have a juggling past, like, that's a real photo of me.

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  That's true, she's got you there.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Well, you got hotter, that's why this is amazing, like you-

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Brutal!

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you look completely different.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  I don't, honestly-

• 18:37Speaker 03

  You look like you're being propped up there by like, helpers or something.

• 18:40Sam Morril?

  I feel like you got like, corrective eye surgery here, your eyes are-

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Make a wish.

• 18:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  I look like cross-eyed, I look like I have a lazy eye, I swear to god-

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  Also, you look older there, somehow.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  I know, it's bad.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  You look like somebody like, rolled you over there, and here you look insanely, now, right now, you look insanely hot.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  I think that might have been while I was still drinking?

• 18:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's what it is, that's it.

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  That'd be great if she took one sip of this and just went right back to that. Just one.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  I know. When people are like, "God, I wish I knew you when you were drinking," I'm like, "You wouldn't have looked my way."

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  You could see the booze in there.

• 19:12Sam Morril?

  What were you like, what were you like the drinker?

• 19:13Speaker 03

  I would love to hear you as a drinker.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  I was just really, ah.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  But you had to have her holding the baby.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Do not, don't bring my baby into that.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Sorry, that's fair, that's fair. No, you should have made a bounce.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  She doesn't want to be taken, but she doesn't want to be next to that woman.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  No, that's fair. No, that, no, I'm not.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what were you like in your drinking days? I want to know your drinking personality.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  I was just like a really angry, which is psychotic, because I look, I look like happier than in some ways, even though I do look simple.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  Simple, yes.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I look happier in a like retard kind of way, but I, I am not.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  Your baby's pointing and laughing.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  You look like country slow there.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Yes, country slow.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  Like Cracker Barrel.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Right, like.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  You look like you're saying, "Cousin mommy told me to go to the store," the Cracker Barrel.

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Momma June.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  It was like somebody would come up after, to you after one of your shows and be like, "I usually hate women in comedy, but I love your humor."

• 20:11Speaker 02

  I think you're so funny.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  You're doing this as a county fair.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  I think women are so gross and yucky and scary, but you're fun.

• 20:19Sam Morril?

  I sure do like me a Tilt-A-Whirl.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  I look like someone whose eyes got crossed on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  She does look like she's on a rock.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  I mean, it's a really sad photo.

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  But like, so would you get angry when you drank, or did you?

• 20:34Speaker 02

  No, I was a very angry drunk. Like, it was like, I would go out with every intention of having a good time, and by the end of the night, I'd ask someone what time it was, and they'd be like, "I don't have a watch," and I'd just punch them in the face.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 20:44Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Like, it was crazy.

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  What was your, I know you're not like supposed to be.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 20:49Mark Normand?

  What?

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:51Mark Normand?

  You're like Liam Neeson.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Fucked up shit. And I remember it started happening at the end of my drinking, where I would wake up the next day and somebody would be like, "Yeah, you assaulted our friend."

• 21:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  And I.

• 21:01Sam Morril?

  What'd you do?

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Just, like, actually, that's a real story. I punched someone in the face, because I, they didn't have their watch on them.

• 21:07Mark Normand?

  Holy.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  I want to be that woman. Like, isn't that so hot to guys? Like, a woman that just punches someone?

• 21:12Speaker 02

  No, it was not.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  To me, I think that's really sexy.

• 21:14Sam Morril?

  I mean, part of, I mean, yeah, part of me is like, it's hot, and the other part of me is like, it's terrifying.

• 21:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  But that's part, a woman who's unhinged is, is hot, but then you wake up with that and you're like, ah, fuck.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  No, really bad. Like, really, really bad. And I, like, look back on it and I'm like, like, I'm in touch with one of my exes that, like, while I was, like, bad drinking, and whenever he tells me a story, like, I'm like, don't, I don't wanna know that. You know what I mean? Please don't. I don't even wanna know. But also, at the same time, I'm kinda like, on a comedy level, I'm like, tell, tell me.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Cause he's like, he's the only person that I know that could fill me in on that entire chapter of my life. Like, I'm like, I was blacked out from, like, the moment I moved to New York, until I quit drinking.

• 21:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, wow.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  So, yeah, he's like.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Were you, did you do, like, a lap of fun and then you'd start assaulting people? Cause like, most, I love alcoholics and most,

• 22:12Speaker 03

  most throbbing alcoholics that I've dated, usually the first lap is like, life of the fucking party, and then the second lap is when they start rocking and glaring.

• 22:20Mark Normand?

  Checkland Hyde.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  With, yeah.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a lot of that.

• 22:22Sam Morril?

  Glaring.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  I was a lot of fun for a little while.

• 22:25Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  And then it was like, what happened to her? You know what I mean? And that's how people would just like, you, that's how you keep people in your life, is you kinda like.

• 22:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  You're fun in the beginning.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're fun in the beginning.

• 22:35Sam Morril?

  I do love the drunk who just disappears. You know that one guy?

• 22:38Speaker 02

  I used to be so jealous of them.

• 22:40Mark Normand?

  That was your dad.

• 22:43Sam Morril?

  I wish he drank, he'd have an excuse. He did that shit stone cold sober.

• 22:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  My favorite Sam dad story is that his dad told him, like, he's like, well, it all makes sense when you're 18, just open this, like, locker in midtown or something.

• 22:54Mark Normand?

  No.

• 22:55Sam Morril?

  Oh, he left, he left.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  He's unborn, he can't just leave a map in a locker.

• 22:59Sam Morril?

  He left a note in a, in a safety deposit box in the bank, and it was like, two paragraphs, and I was like, ah.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  That was it?

• 23:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. He was like, I, he had a wife who had previously died of cancer, so I didn't want another kid or a relationship, so.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  It's not like a scavenger hunt.

• 23:15Sam Morril?

  He made it seem like it was National Treasure or something. But then, but then, uh, yeah, it was like, there was like a half-brother I had, and I was like, oh, I never met him, and they were like, uh, I was like, oh, does he want a me? He goes, you know, I floated it out there, and he didn't seem to, uh, be receptive. I was like, alright, never mind.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  No shit.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  So I just never.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Apple doesn't fall far, I guess?

• 23:33Mark Normand?

  So then you got a brother out there.

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:35Mark Normand?

  A halfie.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  That I never knew.

• 23:36Sam Morril?

  No, he's cousin, he's.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's cousin.

• 23:37Sam Morril?

  I don't, we, I only met him a few times, but he's, he's a nice guy.

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  Wow, so you never met the half-brother?

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  No, never met the half brother.

• 23:44Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 23:44Sam Morril?

  I met the other side of the family. They're nice people.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  Can we put a feeler out there to get them to call?

• 23:48Sam Morril?

  Nah, I don't wanna do it.

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Call in is hilarious.

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  Call in.

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  Call in.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Only Mark would feel it. Let's put a caller.

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  By the way, it's only gonna be prank calls.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's gonna be so.

• 23:57Sam Morril?

  Sam, I missed you so much. Ha ha, you fucking pussy.

• 24:01Mark Normand?

  That's a good point. Longtime brother, first time caller.

• 24:05Sam Morril?

  You think he listens to this shit?

• 24:06Speaker 02

  No, but I was jealous though of those alcoholics that disappear. Those ones are so, they're like cool.

• 24:13Sam Morril?

  We were, but we were just in, we were just in a...

• 24:15Speaker 03

  He would just be just dust on my birthday.

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  Dust.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  We were just in Nashville and I got like a long letter from a member of that side of the family.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 24:23Sam Morril?

  Like a few days ago and they were like, we've been following your career, uh, we have this last name, is there a last name? And I was like, but it was like a long note and I got it right before I'm going on stage. I'm like, I can't.

• 24:33Mark Normand?

  I'll read it later.

• 24:33Sam Morril?

  I can't do it. I, I, I...

• 24:35Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 24:36Sam Morril?

  I, but I was like, I can't. It's too much, you know?

• 24:39Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Well, Tammy from Des Moines is on the board. So let's start the board.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Dude, I just, like, it's weird to hear this, that, you know, you were adopted, so like...

• 24:49Sam Morril?

  Legally adopted. I have my mom. When people hear the word adopted, they think you're fucking like out of an orphanage, like Oliver Twist or something.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 24:56Sam Morril?

  That's not how it was.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Okay, but still, like, you're not in touch with family members, so it makes sense that there's like pieces that you would not know, right? But like, I, last year, read this biography about my granddad and found out that my grandma didn't tell my dad and all of her, all of his brothers that she was dying, right? None of them told them, so, but she knew she was dying, so she told my now step-grandmother that, to give this note to her husband, like my granddad, and I didn't know that they even knew each other, and I didn't know that, like, as I was reading this book, I was like, okay, so she gave a note to her best friend to give to her husband after she died,

• 25:41Speaker 02

  and as I'm reading it, I'm going, wait, that's the name of my grandmother now? And I didn't know, like, that they were best friends.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  I had no fucking clue until I read... This biography, I was like, this is shit that you find out if you're adopted.

• 25:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  But I'm in this, I've been in this family my whole life and nobody has mentioned that to me.

• 26:01Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  It was so fucking weird how families, like the shit that they keep to themselves.

• 26:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:06Sam Morril?

  And also, you just want to know on like a health level. I'm like, uh, hey, what age did you get prostate cancer? I just want to know this.

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:12Sam Morril?

  A little shit like that, because he had it, and I just want to, I just want to know.

• 26:15Mark Normand?

  Because doctors will say, does it run in the family?

• 26:17Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  I didn't really.

• 26:18Mark Normand?

  He ran in the family.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'll tell you, he's all right, you know?

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't know I had a schizophrenic aunt until after.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it was, I was like, I mean, you know, it's a, it's like Republican political.

• 26:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they keep it, they hold it down.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  Everybody's got a schizophrenic.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Whenever I find a relative, like, on, like, uh, my, uh, what's it called, 23andMe, like, I'll be like, you know, oh, so and so says they're your, you know, second cousin.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  And mom's like, I think it's better not to respond, he's probably a Republican. My husband's a Republican.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  She's like, we should just block him out, but yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  She says, which is like so funny, because she's like supposed to be this open liberal, like she doesn't even want to know members of her family at all. She's like, well, there's no sense in calling, he's registered Republican. He's your half-brother, mom. She doesn't give a shit, it's fascinating.

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we gotta, we gotta get past some shit as a country.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Sam, didn't your dad skip town but stay in town?

• 27:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, Damien Lemon used to have a joke that I love where he goes, I had the type of dad that would, I would leave, leave the family but stay in the neighborhood.

• 27:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 27:20Sam Morril?

  I was like, wow, that's like fucking poetic, that joke.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he was dude, he lived on like 55th and 1st. I mean, he was like right there.

• 27:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  I mean, so, yeah, yeah, so I, I, I remember one Christmas, I was with, you know Scott Rogowski?

• 27:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Rogowski.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  He's an old friend of ours, he used to be the HQ trivia guy. Mark and I like knew him since we were like 20 or something.

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  Micro penis.

• 27:37Sam Morril?

  No, no, he doesn't, no, he doesn't.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  He had a bit about it.

• 27:42Sam Morril?

  Mark's my.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  And you guys are like, whoa, easy on Mark.

• 27:44Mark Normand?

  He had a bit about it. It's in his act. It's in his act.

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  I'm promoting his act.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Are you trying to get her to pull up a picture of his?

• 27:53Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Menace.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:55Sam Morril?

  Scott, are you using Google Images?

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  That's a Googler right there. What a Google bitch.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  2015, uh, my penis is below average length and girth.

• 28:03Sam Morril?

  That's not even a joke attempt. What the hell are you doing?

• 28:06Mark Normand?

  True, that's just a, um, what is PSA?

• 28:09Speaker 02

  It's actually a sad fact also.

• 28:10Sam Morril?

  I love Scott, whatever, I don't know any of this stuff, but anyway, yeah, we were just hanging out.

• 28:14Mark Normand?

  Yes, penis small announcement.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  We were hanging out one day, we went to a Knicks game on Christmas and we were fucking hammered. I just remember being like in the nosebleeds with him and Scott's like, "I'm titty fucking this girl." And there's this mom and kid.

• 28:31Mark Normand?

  She's gonna wake up?

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  She goes, "Sir, do you mind?" And we're like, "Sorry, sorry, we're just bombed." We're like, "We're very sorry."

• 28:39Mark Normand?

  I love that guy.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  And then like a minute later, he's like, "So I'm fucking her up the ass." And she's like, "Sir," we're like, "Sorry, we're fucked up."

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  What do you expect? It's the nosebleeds.

• 28:47Mark Normand?

  Do you mind?

• 28:48Sam Morril?

  But then later that day, I was like, "My biological dad just asked me to come over for Christmas. Do you want to, it'd be nice of a buffer, will you come with me?" And he was like, "Yeah, let's go." So he's like the only person who ever met him.

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 28:58Sam Morril?

  So yeah, we went over there and like, you know, he's a guy, I love Scott.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  There he is. Now all you can see is the penis.

• 29:05Mark Normand?

  That's his nose.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  This picture is terrific, like of all the pictures he could have chosen.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Although I feel, it feels like you bumped into him a lot, which I thought was really funny because they live in, both live in the Upper West Side.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'd see him, I'd see him in the neigh, I'd see him, I saw, I had to, well, he moved to artist housing when I was on the Upper West Side.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's not an artist, it's a fucking scam. But his wife worked in the arts, but yeah, I saw him, I remember I'd see him and I'd be like, "Fuck, I just gotta like dodge." And he was old, so I'd be able to like dodge around.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  We were always on the phone like after he'd bump into his, and it would always be like the most Jewish play, like it would be like they're both grabbing the same can of fish at like Murray's.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  He'd be like, "Oh, I saw my dad at the Y." I'm like, "Oh my God."

• 29:42Sam Morril?

  I did. He went to the fucking Y, same Y. How Jew is that?

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Upper West Side Y.

• 29:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 29:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, we look exactly alike.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  That's like a scene from a classic movie doing lab costume.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  The Alan scene.

• 29:55Sam Morril?

  Fun fact, my biological dad, micropenis.

• 29:59Mark Normand?

  Like, "What, like, son?"

• 30:00Sam Morril?

  You know, he, uh, he's not.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  What's his name?

• 30:02Sam Morril?

  Uh, Arthur Elgort.

• 30:04Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 30:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, Bob Elgort. No, that's, no, that's his brother.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  What time they both tried?

• 30:08Sam Morril?

  I'm drinking, dude, it's Bob Elgort.

• 30:10Mark Normand?

  That's your dad's name?

• 30:11Speaker 03

  One time they both tried to climb onto the same elliptical.

• 30:13Sam Morril?

  That's him in the top left.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  This?

• 30:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Mark Normand?

  That's from the 1930s.

• 30:18Sam Morril?

  He's old.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Let me see.

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  He's 90.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Wow, I can see it, the eyes!

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Damn!

• 30:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  I will say, Jimmy, he looks rich.

• 30:25Sam Morril?

  No, he's not. I just said he's in artist housing.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, you're right, never mind.

• 30:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. He's like one of the March bros.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  He looks like a hot, like, con artist.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  I can totally see it.

• 30:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  He was.

• 30:34Sam Morril?

  He will fuck you over, yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  He was like an ad man, like a madman.

• 30:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he was, but he blew it all.

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  Buster Keaton thing, too.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  I've got, uh, breaking news.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  What? Bad?

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 30:44Sam Morril?

  Beth?

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Shut up.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 30:45Sam Morril?

  Whoa!

• 30:47Speaker 02

  You did that?

• 30:47Speaker 03

  You did it?

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  Matt Peters did it.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Oh my god, can you change mine too, please? Mine's problematic as well.

• 30:53Mark Normand?

  Wait.

• 30:55Sam Morril?

  By the way, Rachel, he is producing a podcast right now. How much more can you give him?

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Go back after.

• 30:59Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute, why didn't you pick a good picture?

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  I like that. Are you happy?

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:05Mark Normand?

  That's a hot pick.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  This is great.

• 31:07Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  Wikipedia is crowdsourced, so anyone can change it.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Now the episode's gonna come out and it'll go back. Watch.

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  Probably, yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  And it doesn't still say that I got my start in the gritty downtown juggling scene.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  I do look exactly like the Quasimodo, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame poster.

• 31:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, the old one, yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:23Sam Morril?

  No, I think it's fun to find, like, old pictures for you.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  It is, you know what I mean?

• 31:28Sam Morril?

  Funny, you know?

• 31:28Speaker 02

  I just, what's great about being a comic is the internet will humble you over...

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Oh, wow!

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Wait, Rach, this is not as bad, but I get...

• 31:38Speaker 03

  It's not good!

• 31:39Speaker 02

  No, it feels like it was taken on a BlackBerry.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  It's being like the old Eepso with like a real gummy smile, come on!

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  It's Man Frank.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, at least put the one where I played Man Frank on this.

• 31:53Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, that was good.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  No, can you put like a better looking pic, could you please swap that out?

• 31:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, get a hot one.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  I've been trying to do this for 10 years, Matt is amazing.

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  Peters is a wizard.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  I'll tell you who doesn't have his fault.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  I'll tell you who doesn't have a baby penis, Matt Peters. He's a fucking idiot.

• 32:11Sam Morril?

  I knew this would be a good hang. I had a good feeling about this.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  I got so excited when you said Rachel was...

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  No, but you have to understand how fucking hilarious Rosebud's special is.

• 32:22Mark Normand?

  It's killer.

• 32:22Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna watch.

• 32:23Mark Normand?

  It's really good.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  It's a fucking air-type brilliant special.

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  That gay joke with the baby in New York.

• 32:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, I liked that, I saw that joke. I think I posted that joke, I love that joke.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Thanks, dude.

• 32:32Sam Morril?

  That was funny. Yeah, it's such a good...

• 32:34Speaker 03

  I feel like when I...

• 32:35Sam Morril?

  That's what all jokes is, is like the perfect, you need that perfect analogy.

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 32:38Sam Morril?

  And you're just like, you beat the audience to that analogy and you're like, oh, that's the joke.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was fun to like, it's interesting, because I felt like it was done after that first year. I was like, I think I got it. And then, there was so much shit that like... Over the year, they just got cut down and then got added that I was able to do. I'm like, I'm so glad I did it the way that it.

• 33:02Mark Normand?

  Always better to wait.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  It's just way better to wait. And I know there was like that pressure of like putting shit out all the time. But I really am like, I waited five years, I think, until to put this one out.

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Since the last one.

• 33:14Sam Morril?

  Wow, five years?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  I did too. And I think like, I remember like, like four years in, I told Colin, I was like, I think I'm gonna quit. And he was like, not yet. And I was like, I walked, I went home that night. I'm like, what the fuck? But I'm like, he was so correct.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 33:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  And I'm so glad.

• 33:29Sam Morril?

  Colin told you to wait.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  He told me to wait. Yeah, he's like, it's not ready. And no, no comic is gonna tell you that. That's why I love Colin. Cause he's really, he really cares. And he's like, no, it's not ready. And he was a hundred percent right.

• 33:40Sam Morril?

  But some comics, Colin is a fucking great dude and a great comic and understands. But I had a comic once tell me to wait, and it was my best special, you know, so I think sometimes people are just like, nah, maybe.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  Listen to any hack that's jealous of you, but Colin.

• 33:52Sam Morril?

  Well, no, it wasn't a hack, honestly. It was, it was a good comic. But I think they were just like, well, maybe you're rushing it. I've rushed specials before. This wasn't one I rushed. Like, we've all have rushed a special. Like, it happens. The demand, but I think Louis fucked it up for a while for everyone. Cause when Louis was putting out every year, year and a half. Yeah, he was doing that. He was locked in, but not everyone should be doing that.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Louis fucked it up for that. I think they fucked it up for themselves, thinking I can do.

• 34:18Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  I have his mind.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Where they're like, I don't have the experience nor the skill, but I'm gonna do it exactly like he does it. And it's like, why?

• 34:28Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like when everyone tried to emulate Jon Stewart, and you're like, no, this guy was fucking locked in.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Right.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 34:34Sam Morril?

  It just, same with Animal House. They just kept trying to remake Animal House.

• 34:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 34:38Sam Morril?

  No, maybe Animal House was just really fucking good.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, just let it go. Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  I don't like when they try to remake anything, personally. I mean, I'm like, if it was good, stop it.

• 34:46Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Leave it alone.

• 34:47Sam Morril?

  You better have a new spin. When they did a shot for shot remake of Psycho, I'm like, what's the talent?

• 34:52Mark Normand?

  Why? I agree.

• 34:53Sam Morril?

  They added one thing. It was Vince Vaughn jacking off. That's the only thing they added to that movie.

• 34:57Mark Normand?

  Well, they're just scared. They're cowards. They go, hey, this worked. Let's make money on the next thing. And it'll be the same.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  It's just so, it's harder for them to make their money back.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Progressively harder for them to make their money back. So they're just counting on like, what they think is a solid thing and what. And to be honest, I think as far as. Movies go, it seems to be working for them.

• 35:17Mark Normand?

  Well, the comic book shit, definitely.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:19Sam Morril?

  No, but it's not working. Do you see that?

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Now, it's, now it's starting to.

• 35:22Sam Morril?

  Well, Brady Corbett, who made The Brutalist, the guy said he made no money on the movie. It took three years of his life.

• 35:27Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 35:27Sam Morril?

  I didn't love the movie, but it was impressive. Like, I mean, the fact, the fact that he stretched this budget, it was under 10 million he shot it for.

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  It looked like a 90 million dollar movie.

• 35:36Mark Normand?

  It did.

• 35:37Sam Morril?

  It looked big and, you saw it?

• 35:38Mark Normand?

  I saw half of it. I fell asleep.

• 35:39Sam Morril?

  First half is fucking great. Second half is like, it's, he made some weird choices.

• 35:43Mark Normand?

  The director, great hair.

• 35:44Sam Morril?

  He has good hair, yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  It's him.

• 35:46Sam Morril?

  But like, no, it has, has beautiful moments, but like, there's some misses, but like, the fact that he made no fucking money on this and he gave it three years of his life.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:54Sam Morril?

  To me, it's like broken.

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  Wait, is that the rosebud photo?

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Dude, that guy does kinda look like me if I was like a fat guy.

• 36:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, shut up.

• 36:02Sam Morril?

  Sean Baker?

• 36:03Speaker 02

  No, seriously.

• 36:03Sam Morril?

  You see that shit? He's a speech he gave about like, this shouldn't be, we shouldn't have to like have a second job as a director.

• 36:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:10Sam Morril?

  When you're making like good movies, too.

• 36:12Mark Normand?

  Well, the internet's fucking everything up. The movie business.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  That's when you know you're lonely in your marriage, where I wanna see a picture of every man that's brought up. Like, every time Sam's like, ooh, let me see.

• 36:19Sam Morril?

  I want Sean Baker, Sean Baker, Simon Rex, our buddy who was in your movie Red Rocket, told me you don't do podcasts. I hope this gets back to you, cause I want you on a fucking pod.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Simon Rex is lovely.

• 36:28Sam Morril?

  Cause I think, I think, I think your movie Enora was my favorite movie of last year. I fucking loved it.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  God, I was so annoyed with how much Andy wanted to watch that.

• 36:35Sam Morril?

  It's a great movie. It's really great.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  I know it's a great movie, but I know he just wants to watch it cause she's hot and he was like, and that fucking movie was just like, he brought it with us on Christmas brick. I was like, we're not watching Enora in my mom's house, so you can like.

• 36:49Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna talk to Andy about this.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:52Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna talk to Andy.

• 36:52Mark Normand?

  She's hot. She's not even that hot.

• 36:53Sam Morril?

  She's hot.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  She, like, yeah. Andy has a real thing.

• 36:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  She's so good in the movie, though. It's, it's a great movie.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  You kinda have an idea for like what your husband's thing, like, I always know what he should have married, so if any woman looks like she could have been like, like a Catholic esoterician or something.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:08Mark Normand?

  Specific.

• 37:11Sam Morril?

  This Akil is fucking good, man.

• 37:13Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Like he should have married like a hot nurse from Long Island. So whenever I see a nurse, I'm just clocking her extra tight.

• 37:18Sam Morril?

  Now, this guy's a legit filmmaker, though. He did like-

• 37:20Mark Normand?

  He's great.

• 37:20Sam Morril?

  Florida Project, Red Rocket. He's the real deal. I think his stuff, it's a lot of-

• 37:26Speaker 03

  No skinny cock there, let me tell you. A massive, massive-

• 37:28Sam Morril?

  This guy's got a hard dick.

• 37:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:30Sam Morril?

  Hard dick Sean Baker. Come on, we might be drunk, dude. He went on Jim and Sam, I think.

• 37:35Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 37:35Sam Morril?

  Let's fucking get him in here, man.

• 37:36Mark Normand?

  I would love to get him. Hey, there we go.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 37:39Mark Normand?

  That's my Wikipedia.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Stars!

• 37:41Sam Morril?

  What do we do?

• 37:41Speaker 03

  Wow! What the fuck?

• 37:44Sam Morril?

  Is that young Simon, dude? Don't do Simon. X this out, don't do Simon like this.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  He doesn't like that.

• 37:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's our buddy, come on. I think it was Scott for fuck's sake.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  I had to interview him once and they were like, "Don't ask him about it."

• 37:53Speaker 02

  He looks great!

• 37:53Sam Morril?

  He looks great, but like, I don't want to be fucking promoting his nude.

• 37:56Mark Normand?

  Why'd he wear a prosthetic in Red Rocket when he's got a decent hug?

• 37:59Sam Morril?

  He's got a nice hug.

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  He's got a fucking big hug.

• 38:01Sam Morril?

  No, I mean, when I saw that in Red Rocket, I was like, "Fuck."

• 38:06Sam Morril?

  And then he said it was a fake dick, and I was like, "Thank God."

• 38:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, good to be back.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:12Sam Morril?

  And just like that, we're back in the game.

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so you're excited. I think Gillis is on this week.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:17Mark Normand?

  That'll be fun.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  I ran into McKeever and Becky in the hall, leaving.

• 38:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, good eggs. Love that Becky.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's always nice when, like, stand-ups host.

• 38:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 38:28Sam Morril?

  Who was something that you had a lot of fun with when they hosted?

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Um, Chappelle, uh, you know, Shane.

• 38:35Sam Morril?

  We get more juice for her, too?

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Last time Shane hosted. I mean, I was on the sketch side, so there's more interaction with the host when you're on the sketch side.

• 38:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  But I, now I'm on Update, so I'm just sort of like in a windowless room with like four other writers. And it's just like, we're like siloed alone. And it's just us and our computers, and then we like turn around and shoot the shit with each other, and then go back to our computers.

• 38:58Mark Normand?

  That's more my speed.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it's much, much better for me, in terms of like the way my brain works and just like, you know, even at the end of the week when it's more collaborative, you're just tagging each other's jokes.

• 39:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:10Sam Morril?

  Do you get burnt out on those topical jokes?

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 39:13Mark Normand?

  Sometimes just staring at a plane crash. What's funny about a plane crash?

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Delta flight, female pilot.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  You start to feel like a psychopath, you know?

• 39:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:20Sam Morril?

  Do you also, is there ever a time when you pitch a joke and they're like, "No," and you're like, "That's a good fucking joke. I'm taking that joke."

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Keep it.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  For sure, yeah. Yeah, there's plenty of them.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  I would think that would be kind of like, interesting in a way, because like, every time, you know, it's kind of like stand-up where like, everything, every time I'm like wildly humiliated or I have some jarring horrible interaction with somebody, I'm like, "Okay, great, well, I'll just put in my act."

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  I wonder if it feels like that a little bit in the writer's room, because it's such a terrifying writer's room where it's like, "Okay, well, I get that. Then I get that."

• 39:46Speaker 02

  It was more like that on the sketch side, because it felt, because I felt so odd on that side of the table, where it was like, I didn't know how to yes-and. Like, comics are all like, "No, but," you know, like, that's like the way that we interact. And then the sketch writers and improv, they're yes-anding each other all day long. So the whole time, I'm feeling like a freak. I'm just feeling like an absolute freak of nature, like ruining a dinner party every day at work.

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Now, I feel normal. Like, now I feel like, "Okay, I'm with the psychopaths and..."

• 40:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:18Sam Morril?

  Do we know some of the other people who write that? Doesn't Casey do that as well?

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Casey writes, uh...

• 40:21Sam Morril?

  I like her.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:23Sam Morril?

  Her 9/11 joke is so funny.

• 40:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:25Sam Morril?

  I love that joke.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  And then Josh Patton, Megan Callahan, Pete Schultz, um, and Dennis McNicholas.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  Are the hours is crazy, or...?

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Um, they're is crazy. Yeah, they're crazy.

• 40:36Mark Normand?

  What about Shay? "You getting in there? I've known Shay 20 years. I can't pierce the skin." That guy is a fucking...

• 40:41Sam Morril?

  He's a rhino.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  He's a tank that's got the door shut. He's like a submarine.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  Talk about Keith. Shay loves talking about Keith.

• 40:47Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay. And I'm like, "I'm dead inside too, but Shay, I just can't get in there."

• 40:52Sam Morril?

  You're not dead inside. I...

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Well, you know what I mean.

• 40:54Sam Morril?

  Because we've had a lot...

• 40:55Mark Normand?

  I got walls up.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  I feel like the same could be said of you.

• 40:57Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying, but...

• 40:58Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. I thought Shay to be pretty warm.

• 41:00Sam Morril?

  But it's all who you ask. I feel like we've had a lot of those nights where we just fucking connect on shit.

• 41:04Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 41:05Sam Morril?

  I mean, as part of, that I've known Mark for so long, but like, how many of those nights were at the subway station at 2:00 a.m. and you, "I'm waiting for my train," and Mark's just fucking waiting there, and we're just shit-talking people for like, three hours?

• 41:15Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 41:16Sam Morril?

  And we're just like, "Good vent. See you tomorrow," and you're like...

• 41:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:19Sam Morril?

  Fuck, those keep you going.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Look how many, I've had so many nights, this is probably 10, 11 years ago or whatever.

• 41:24Sam Morril?

  Fucking Bobcat, dude.

• 41:25Mark Normand?

  And sometimes I feel like I can't get a read on the guy.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  On, on Shay?

• 41:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  I feel like he's very easy to read.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  He's always been a fun hang to me.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  He's a great hang.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Very easy one.

• 41:34Mark Normand?

  Great hang.

• 41:34Sam Morril?

  I gotta say, this is a peeve right now. No one's yes handing Mark's fucking.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:38Sam Morril?

  I'm with you. I love Shay. I'm with you. I love Michael.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  I get what you're saying.

• 41:41Sam Morril?

  I think he's a brilliant comedian.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  I have said that, uh...

• 41:44Sam Morril?

  Oh, look at us. We're babies here.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 41:46Sam Morril?

  Let me see. Oh, there I'm in the, I'm in the top left there.

• 41:49Mark Normand?

  Back before women did comedy.

• 41:51Sam Morril?

  All white men. Except, oh, except for Shay and Damian.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  I do think that Shay is like, uh, like, I've, I've described him as, I'm like, it feels like hugging a ghost.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  If I come to you with like an emotional problem.

• 42:05Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  But I just, there's like people that you go to for that, and then there's people you don't.

• 42:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  I feel like Sam is that you're the most satisfying person to go through. Like, I feel like I do like, like a, like a nighttime roundup of my day where it's like, what is Gary Springer's final pause to say?

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:21Mark Normand?

  You're very empathetic.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I give all my complaints and, and I feel like you're very satisfying also because

• 42:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, thank you.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  I feel like you have that like, just that New York Jew vibe where you can, you complain just enough until you're done complaining. But it's all for a purpose.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:34Speaker 03

  You gotta stay in that space.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  It started out as a compliment.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  It's like an art form.

• 42:36Sam Morril?

  It started as a compliment, and then she called me a New York Jew, who

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  Complained.

• 42:40Sam Morril?

  He's just, he's a whiny bitch, and he, it's just, it's, it's tough. But, no, I know.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Well, you're kind of a nice man.

• 42:46Sam Morril?

  No, Rachel's the same way. We, she's a, she's a phone buddy for sure on the road, you know?

• 42:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:51Sam Morril?

  You have that friend you, you, you talk shit to. I mean, but you need that.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  I love talking shit about clubs with, uh, Sam. I'll, I'll text you

• 42:58Sam Morril?

  Oh, thanks. You too, yeah.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Whenever I've had a really bad road gig.

• 43:02Sam Morril?

  You need to get it out.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  And you'll like respond with like a specific example

• 43:06Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  of places that were similar.

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  We had a good one about Atlanta. Oh, I didn't want to say it.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:14Sam Morril?

  I've had great times there, but they did one time do to me, they, when you're younger, you're not selling enough tickets, they made you do the three shows on Saturday. And I remember selling out the two late ones, and the early one they made me do for 12 people.

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  Mm.

• 43:26Sam Morril?

  And you really start the night in a rough tone.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  I had to do a show in Atlanta for five people.

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Five. And they were like, finish it up, bitch.

• 43:34Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Get up there and dance. You want your full check? You get up there and dance for five people. And I believe one of them worked there. Like, it was profoundly sad.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 43:44Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  I did, I did enjoy. No, I wasn't there. It was one of the-

• 43:48Sam Morril?

  Great diner, too.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  Great diner.

• 43:50Sam Morril?

  The diner's great.

• 43:50Mark Normand?

  There's no steaks.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  At the diner.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. I was like-

• 43:54Sam Morril?

  You want a diner steak?

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  No, I'm saying there's low steaks.

• 43:57Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Got it, got it.

• 43:59Sam Morril?

  Your store's the best, so obviously you want the best checkout. Lucky for you, Shopify is the number one checkout on the planet and today's sponsor. Shopify literally boosts conversions up to 50% by using Shop Pay, which allows customers to check out super quickly and pay for purchases and installments. This means way fewer abandoned carts and way more sales for you. Yeah, Shopify is easy. This is what you want to be on, guys.

• 44:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:24Sam Morril?

  Why complicate life? Get on Shopify.

• 44:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we sell shirts, mugs, cups, hooch. Get on it!

• 44:33Sam Morril?

  When you sell with Shopify, you're ready to sell on the web, in your store, in your customers' feeds, and everywhere in between. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Hailey Bieber uses.

• 44:45Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 44:45Sam Morril?

  Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/drunk, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/drunk to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com/drunk.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  But they were fun. I mean, it was like one of those road gigs where you're like, "This is insane, what's happening." But I can appreciate it because I've left my body.

• 45:13Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly, exactly.

• 45:15Sam Morril?

  You're looking down at yourself, yelling at some dude in a diner. It's like, literally-

• 45:19Speaker 02

  I'm laughing at myself from like, above. You know what I mean?

• 45:22Sam Morril?

  It's like De Niro outside that place was smacking the phone, finding out Joe Pesci got whacked. That's the fucking vibe of the diner.

• 45:28Mark Normand?

  It's like an assault in a stairwell of a parking complex. You're like, "I'm out of my body. This guy's having his way with me."

• 45:34Speaker 02

  I'll go up there.

• 45:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm looking from above.

• 45:36Sam Morril?

  But you know-

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but laughing at myself.

• 45:37Sam Morril?

  I've had fun there. No, I get- I love Atlanta crowds. I really think they're-

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  Great crowds.

• 45:41Sam Morril?

  They're great crowds.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  I love those crowds.

• 45:43Sam Morril?

  I just- I just did Atlanta on this run, and I was like, "Man, that was one of the most fun crowds I've had." I love it. I love the South.

• 45:49Mark Normand?

  Tabernacles?

• 45:50Speaker 02

  I will say Nashville. I'm going to Nashville this week. I will say like-

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's just great.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  Those crowds are always really, really, really fun.

• 45:55Mark Normand?

  Great comedy town.

• 45:56Sam Morril?

  Great time Taylor Luan from Busting with the Boys came out and we were doing, we were shooting, I'm making this dumb movie where we were shooting a dumb party scene with him and he was like so game to like make Gary snort fake lines and shit. He was so fun to hang out with. I mean, Nashville's the best. I, I, I love it. And the chicken fucked up the tour bus for a while, but.

• 46:14Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure. But I love that you love the South. South gets a bad rap.

• 46:17Sam Morril?

  I love the South.

• 46:18Mark Normand?

  We have a good time.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  I think people always like assume that.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Zany's, have you?

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  Uh, no.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  It's brand new, right?

• 46:23Speaker 02

  Newer room, yeah.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  I'm doing Zany's this weekend. Are you doing the newer room? I don't know. I don't know. I didn't even look. I just like read things on the way when the plane.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  It's really fucking.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  I don't know where I'm hurling myself to. I'm always just like, what, who's picking me up? But I just know some girl named Meredith is gonna be there.

• 46:39Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 46:39Sam Morril?

  My mom yells at me for this and I'm like, hey, the car will be there.

• 46:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:43Sam Morril?

  It's gonna work out.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  The show's gonna happen as long as I show up.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  I get on a plane, it feels so unnatural. So I just feel like, like stand-up feels like obviously the most natural thing, but hurling my body to an airport, I just, I kind of have to disassociate like a child.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  I do too.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  That's gonna be abused or something.

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  I'm like, I'm gonna go to a meadow where it's safe until I'm landing in Atlanta.

• 47:00Mark Normand?

  Yes. Here, here, I zombie out.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  With everything in my life, though, like truly everything, like even having a kid. I was kind of like, I guess I'm doing this. You know what I mean?

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:10Sam Morril?

  But that might be the most healthy attitude because you know what? You're more present.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:15Sam Morril?

  You're more present.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Well, I'm too tired to form a new memory. So it's not like I'm present.

• 47:19Sam Morril?

  I know, but if you're not planning ahead, I do think you're present. I think if you're not like thinking about everything that's coming next, you're like, this is gonna happen.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Well, I do feel like, I do feel like, that's why I kind of relate to comedian moms a little bit more than some other moms because I feel like, or, or at least people like a little more like me.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Any other mom.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Cause I'm like type D, like I'm the least type A person.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  So I didn't read a single book about pregnancy. Like I was just like, whatever. I just had one, like my dermatologist told me what to do and I was like, okay. She's like, have a C-section. I'm like, all right. One type A bitch to give me like a plan.

• 47:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  You know, and I feel like, and I, a lot of women get very like, I don't know, they just get like holier than thou around like birthing and stuff. And I'm just like, the rest of our lives is so exciting and compelling. Like I don't care how my kid arrives, you know?

• 48:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  And that's why it was very satisfying, like to talk to like Rosebud. That's why you're, I loved your. So much because I just feel like it's nice to talk to a mom that's like also maybe a little darker. I feel like I overshare too fast.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  Story of my life.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  Playground is a dark place. You start telling parents how you really feel and they start backing away slowly. And you're like, oh, I fucked this up.

• 48:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  We were bonding.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  I always say too much too fast.

• 48:26Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  Like, they're just like, oh, we just started teething. And I'm like, I'm snacking on Xanax.

• 48:35Speaker 04

  Flip it.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Snack.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Flip it, Peters.

• 48:37Mark Normand?

  Well, I think our brain naturally goes to the craziest place.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  I know.

• 48:40Mark Normand?

  And we have to dial it back for non comedians all the time.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Mateo was saying that to me the other night because he's just like, I see the way that you and I interact with people. And it's just like, that's not, we have to remember that's not what most people do. Like, I'm just like, should we take this to the sickest place?

• 48:53Mark Normand?

  Okay, I feel better. You guys are giving me shit. This is why I'm jerking off on SD. I'm going to the craziest place. That's all I was doing.

• 49:00Sam Morril?

  Mateo is the best fucking person to be your neighbor. It's so, it's so fucking nice to have him in my building.

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  He's a good egg.

• 49:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  I love him so much.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Best. He's so fun.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  I really love him so much.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Him screaming at his Italian aunts too is like, nothing makes me laugh more than.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  His, his Chicago family, yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Screaming at the TV together and like, no, no, watch Hoarders. Put on Hoarders, Mateo.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  I also appreciate like, just like the comedians in general, like when you have a kid, they don't care. And it's nice because they don't like, for a while I was like, I'm lonely. And then I was like, oh, they just don't care because I'm still the same person to them. They didn't, none of them gave me that bullshit like, hey, mama. They didn't do any of that. And I was so grateful for that because I didn't want to be treated like differently.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 49:45Speaker 03

  I know what you mean. It was almost a relief to be around narcissists because I was just like, they didn't feel like they had to lower their voice an octave. I'm like, they don't even, it didn't even occur to them whether you slept last night or not.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  No, they don't give a fuck.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  Which is somehow appealing because you can sleep to yourself.

• 49:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is interesting.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I went to high school with a bunch of like mooc drunk psycho guys and they didn't care about anything. And it was very, they didn't ask you about your day or anything. It was just get drunk, blackout, fight each other, whatever. And I was, it was an easier, easier life.

• 50:12Sam Morril?

  Those guys are weirdly non judgmental.

• 50:14Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 50:15Sam Morril?

  You think of them as like judgmental, but then you're like, no, these guys only care about getting drunk.

• 50:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Well, you say that until you cry in front of them.

• 50:23Sam Morril?

  Then they're like, get him.

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But I've had comics meet my high school friends who are like, whoa, how do you hang out with those guys?

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:31Mark Normand?

  It was easy.

• 50:31Sam Morril?

  I have one that still hits me up all the time and he is like a complete psycho.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 50:35Sam Morril?

  His mom was a hoarder. They got like kicked out of their building. He, uh, he's like a chess genius. So he was ranked number one in the country, but he also was like a raging coke head.

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Is this your gambling friend, the one that gambles?

• 50:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's a gambler. He's like, dude, he used to show up at shows and Phil Handley would be like, this guy's incredible. And I'd be like, give it a couple hours. What the fuck's wrong with this guy?

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Seeing what's happened to the rich kids that I grew up with, because there's a, like, you know, they always had money. They didn't try to, they didn't try to be anything because they had everything they needed. So I'll go home and I'll, like, I remember going to pick up like a steak or something from like a steakhouse. And my friend, who I'd gone to high school with, comes around the corner in a waitress, like, outfit. And she's got like this, and she's on crutches and I was, she's like, Rosebud, how's it going? And I was like, hey, what happened? She goes, I fell off a roof.

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  You know what that reminds me of is Schumer's high school friend. You ever hang out with them? Like, he'd be on a private jet with Schumer or something and she'd be like, I'm gonna bring my Long Island high school friend.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  They're the most fun girls you ever met.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  So fun, crazy, doing shots.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  They're all just like nurses with like the scratchiest voice you could ever hear.

• 51:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, bad tattoos. They got like a, uh...

• 51:47Speaker 03

  I'm like, how do you have a burden when you just moved straight to Long, like, just stayed in Long Island? And they're like, but they seem like they've been around the world like three times.

• 51:53Sam Morril?

  But it's the best, man. Those friends you grew up with, it's like, it's fucking so satisfying.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:58Sam Morril?

  Because you do like, oh shit, this is...

• 52:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, totally.

• 52:01Sam Morril?

  One of my friends, he barges at the Cellar, Dan Hall.

• 52:03Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  Uh, you know, he's at the, he's at the...

• 52:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's a great guy.

• 52:07Sam Morril?

  He's my boy. I mean, we grew up together. I love him.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Mark in that photo.

• 52:10Mark Normand?

  Those were the good old days.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  That is hilarious in that photo.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  But yeah, anytime somebody's at the Cellar, like, this guy's toxic. I'm like, I grew up with a guy exactly like that and he was my best friend.

• 52:20Sam Morril?

  Because the toxic guy's fucking funny.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  They're funny and they're fun and they do crazy shit.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  That's why I used to like to hang with the skaters in high school because the skaters were funny. They were like the dry, weird, checked out guys that may or may not commit suicide.

• 52:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, but they got some edge.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:34Sam Morril?

  And the toxic guy's more fun than the narc.

• 52:36Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  The funniest thing about Mark is that like in every picture, it looks like somebody photoshopped you in because you were on the road.

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  That's Ben.

• 52:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was the woodsman.

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  He'd do all the cool furniture.

• 52:50Mark Normand?

  Woodworking.

• 52:51Sam Morril?

  I like that guy a lot.

• 52:51Mark Normand?

  Great guy.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Fun.

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  She married the wrong guy.

• 52:55Sam Morril?

  Chris is cool. I love him.

• 52:57Mark Normand?

  Nah, Chris is a good egg.

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  I do, I love featuring. I gotta say.

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's the best.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  I really love featuring.

• 53:04Mark Normand?

  Didn't have to worry about promoting, selling tickets.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  You do 15 minutes of work and you live a rich person's lifestyle for the weekend.

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  And then, you know, people come up and they go, "Oh, you should have been the headliner."

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  And you're like, "Yeah, I know." And then, but you're like, you're just living it up for like very little work. And it's, I mean, it's, I do think it's the best job in comedy.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  No, it's like.

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  Featuring a really successful comic is both. Yes.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  I remember when I first started opening on the road and I would just be like waiting, like after, just to see like, is he gonna ask me again? Like, "Did you ask me again?" Like just waited checking my checks all day.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  And then I remember getting offstage once and like the headliner being like, "Ooh, you're a dirty birdie." Meanwhile, I was like, "Norton, you're a dirty birdie." Did like one dirty joke.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:49Speaker 03

  "Ooh, you're a naughty little bitch."

• 53:52Speaker 03

  But it is kind of nice, I will say, as like.

• 53:54Sam Morril?

  Norton's like, "If you had a dick, we could take this to the next level." But, uh, I don't know.

• 53:59Mark Normand?

  That was, that's an old timey thing, no offense, but I remember those days where you had to like audition for the headliner. You wanted him to like you or you wanted her to like.

• 54:07Sam Morril?

  Every single one.

• 54:09Mark Normand?

  Every one.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  It wasn't as much as like auditioning, but it was like I would, um, it was like I would, that was like my whole life. So it was just like if he asks me to do another disgusting weekend for like 500 bucks, then, you know.

• 54:20Mark Normand?

  That's a win.

• 54:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God. I remember being like, "I hope Spanky Brown thinks I'm funny."

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 54:25Sam Morril?

  But you really did.

• 54:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:27Sam Morril?

  You really did. And like those fucking weekends made you a pro. Those weekends made you give a shit about setting up the headliner. You know, it's not just about doing well, but you want them to be like, "This guy like gave me a good crowd."

• 54:39Speaker 02

  I hadn't even done the road and then started featuring for Amy and then started headlining my own. And I was like, oh, this is a fucking rude awakening.

• 54:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  The wrong way where like, I should have been doing these shitty gigs, then done that, then gone back to the shitty gigs. Cause like, once I was doing like headlining gigs at these like shitty clubs, I was like, this sucks ass. I didn't realize how fucking rough this was.

• 55:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. You remember you think you have way more time than you do?

• 55:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought, I thought like being on the road and it sucking was like a myth and the story comics were telling.

• 55:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  And I got on the road and I was like, oh my god.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  Papered rooms, heckled.

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  But I started so young that I was like, this is cool. Like, just being in a hotel to me was fucking cool. Like, I remember, I remember it took me a while. My mom would call and be like, this isn't the life you want. And I'm like, I think I'm too far in.

• 55:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and we were young.

• 55:32Sam Morril?

  We were young, but like, I think, I think she saw the writing on the wall. Like, if this doesn't work, you are gonna have a sad fucking life.

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:40Sam Morril?

  And I was like, I know. I don't need the reminder. I have these thoughts. I'm listening to Tom Waits.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:46Mark Normand?

  See those headshots in a club? You're like, ooh, I'm scared to be in that guy with the mullet who's like kind of a draw in Nashville.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  And that's when they looked good.

• 55:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right.

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  That was his peak.

• 55:56Mark Normand?

  That was the peak, yeah.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  I also feel like it's just a, it's even, it's a way different situation for a guy and a woman on the road. There's just such a throbbing loneliness to being a woman on the road, woman. And all my time in the road, like in the years where like a guy would just be like, you know, crushing ass. Like, I don't remember one man just even, even glancing at me.

• 56:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on. Now, this is, this is a peeve. Even comics always do this. They go, no guy ever hit on me, blah, blah, blah. And then one guy hits on you, go, there's too many creeps in this club. Which one is it?

• 56:26Speaker 03

  No, I want them to. Are you kidding?

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  I want anything I can get.

• 56:31Sam Morril?

  Ah, it's still there, damn it.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  That big fucking shiny forehead. Fuck you. Fix that. I want a Paris filter instead of that. I don't want to be a human being, make me a paracelter.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  I gotta fucking peeve too.

• 56:41Mark Normand?

  Alright, hit me.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  No, but.

• 56:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  I just want to respond to Mark. That, no, that we're not making it, at least I'm not making it.

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  If Salacuse hit on you at the Zany's in Nashville, you'd go, "This fucking, it's hard being a woman, this weirdo's hitting on me."

• 56:54Speaker 03

  I would immediately be like, "Stick it in," but I would download that to continue my self-esteem that would get me.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay. I've had a few female headliners I work with were like, "Everybody here's hitting on me, I hate it, this sucks."

• 57:06Sam Morril?

  And you're like, "Alright, I'll stop."

• 57:07Mark Normand?

  And then they'll be like, "No guy ever hits on me," and I'm like, "You can't have it both ways."

• 57:12Speaker 02

  I would, here's what, here's what we're saying. Here's what we're saying is that, based off of how well we just did, we think that we should be getting hit on more than we are.

• 57:21Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  I'm not saying no one ever hits on us. We're saying like, this is crazy, because I've seen male comics do worse than I just did and get pussy thrown at their fucking nose, you know what I mean? And we are...

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  Our bar is lower, too.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  I'd go wheelchair lady.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  That's true. I know, I've, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  But listen, you get lonely enough on the road.

• 57:43Sam Morril?

  Wheelchair lady in some hotels, they don't have good, they don't have elevators, it's a whole thing, you know, it's a...

• 57:48Speaker 03

  Wheelchair lady is amazing.

• 57:50Sam Morril?

  It could be tough.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  I put a broomstick right in that wheel, she can't go anywhere.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  I used to date this Russia guy and the mom would complain about when they first came to the country and she used to go, "And then, you know, my daughter Marina, she had no friends, she was like friends with wheelchair people."

• 58:06Speaker 03

  That was like...

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Wheelchair people?

• 58:08Speaker 03

  That was like, and she said it like, with tears running down her face. She's like, "That's how bad we have it, she has to like, you know, fraternize with wheelchair kids."

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  That should be what it says on the parking spot, "Wheelchair people."

• 58:22Sam Morril?

  Goddamn. Man, that is hilarious.

• 58:25Mark Normand?

  Uh, that's, the Special Olympics is now called "Wheelchair people."

• 58:28Sam Morril?

  I will say, being a single male road comic is fun.

• 58:31Mark Normand?

  It was fun.

• 58:32Sam Morril?

  And I, and I totally get that, yeah, not being, you know, a woman on the road.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 58:37Sam Morril?

  There's definitely, I remember Ida Rodriguez, man, we were on a road gig years ago in like, fucking, I want to say like Puerto Rico or some shit. We were some, we were somewhere weird.

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Puerto Rico?

• 58:47Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm, I was hammered the whole fucking weekend. I remember some guy came backstage and I was like, he was fucking with her and I was like, "I'll fucking kill you." I was totally bluffing, but I was like, "I will fucking, like, leave her the fuck alone." And she told me a story on the, on the road gig where like, she was like... I had a guy once like tried to break my door down and I was like, oh my god, like you you hear the shit women deal with on the road, you're like, yeah, it's fucking different.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  That sounds like a porno for us.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  A guy came into my room.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  A man came into my room in Vegas, like he started to open the door.

• 59:16Mark Normand?

  Just cow?

• 59:16Speaker 03

  No, it was the guy.

• 59:19Mark Normand?

  That's a deep cut, no one's gonna get that.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  I said, a man, a man.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Not a lovely lady.

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  Again, if Just Cow hit on you on the road, you'd go, this fucking...

• 59:29Speaker 03

  I mean, I feel, nothing would make me feel safer than Just Cow hitting on me.

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 59:34Speaker 03

  And then Just Cow, if I woke up in the dead of night and Just Cow was like strumming a show tune on my bed.

• 59:39Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  I can't remember like a single time that something that, that, something that creepy has happened to her. Oh, well, no, no, there was once, but it was a different kind of creepy. It was not sexual.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  It was, a guy came up and was like, hey, Rosebud, um, can you sign this? And it was a book. And I was like, well, I haven't written a book. So I looked at it and I was like, what is this? And he was like, it's just a book. And I was like, uh, do you want me to like, sign like a picture or something? And he was like, no, you could just do this. And I was like, no, I can do it just like on a piece of paper for you or something. And, uh, he was like, no, you know, I just wanted to get like your signature, you know, in case something happens to you and Andy like needs your signature.

• 1:00:19Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  And I was like, what the fu- and I was just like, yeah, like that was, and it wasn't, it didn't feel sexual, but it did feel like, you, you don't want to fuck me, but you might want to kill me.

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:00:32Sam Morril?

  That's worse.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I had to get a restraining order against this guy because he was making like, um, he was, he was sending packages to this other Rachel Feinstein that he thought was me in Brooklyn with like, this weird like dark, but like embarrassing fan fiction. It would be like, Rachel got offstage and her manager Sylvia looked at her taut ass.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Like it was, it was like an entire book.

• 1:00:55Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  He sent her like a wedding ring and.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  Thinking it was you.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  Thinking that it was me.

• 1:01:01Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  And then she reached out to me and she's like, hey, I filed a police report. I've been getting a lot of packages from somebody that, and she was so annoyed too. She wasn't, I wasn't like.

• 1:01:09Sam Morril?

  The cops are like, this guy's a good writer.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Sam Morril?

  This is good writing right here.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  No, I mean, he was like, I shouldn't talk about this probably, but like, yeah, no, he was in a trailer park. And the cops just like knocked at his door and they were like, yes, you gotta stop sending these packages.

• 1:01:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  He was doing a lot of, he was like painting me a lot, like, but.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  Also weren't.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  You had someone paint you?

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  They weren't that flattering.

• 1:01:30Mark Normand?

  See, I would fuck this lady.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  He was like home lish at best. He lived in the woods.

• 1:01:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's bad.

• 1:01:36Sam Morril?

  Was he painting that Eastville picture of you?

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 1:01:40Sam Morril?

  Kind of a rough one, man, huh?

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  Can you switch that out, you guys? Um, thank you. That's, but no, it was not, it wasn't good. I mean, it was very alarming.

• 1:01:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's bad.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I mean, I've never had anybody just come up and, it's true, by the way, Mark, we're not making it up, like.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, I, but, but my point is, the guy with the book that you're freaked out by, we would go, I think I'm in with this chick.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  Right, because.

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  It depends.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  We don't have a fear of getting murdered afterwards.

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  That's the difference, the fear of getting murdered.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:02:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we don't have the murder fear.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Well, he brought up that I might die, you know what I mean?

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  But it also wasn't like an unrealistic, like, just like, I wasn't like jumping to, he would literally said like, just in case something happens to you.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  No, that's crazy.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  I was like, that's, I don't love that.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, this guy wanted to make a suit out of my skin, probably. Like, I don't know, like, he was like painting and, I mean, it wasn't good. He was living in the woods, like, he was throbbing with.

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  How many acres on the woods?

• 1:02:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Sam Morril?

  What are we looking at?

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  How big was his compound?

• 1:02:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  By the way, like, of all the people that, like, since I started dating Pete, that have like, there's been a few situations like that where a guy's been kind of alarming. And I'm like, one time I got into a guy's car because he pretended like he was an Uber when I was leaving a club.

• 1:02:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  And I was like, I don't know if this guy's the Uber, I'm just a little worried. Pete was like, I'm sure it'll be fine. Fast asleep. I was like, I'm gonna send you, like, and it wasn't, by the way, it, I convinced the guy to like take me back, but it wasn't in any way an Uber, like.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  And Pete.

• 1:03:04Sam Morril?

  It was a dude who was just trying to pick up chicks as a fake Uber driver?

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  And, and Pete was like, sure it'll be fine.

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  And he took you home?

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  He took me back to the hotel.

• 1:03:12Sam Morril?

  What I'm hearing is you got a free ride. That's all I'm hearing.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  I think I got a free ride.

• 1:03:15Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  That's terrifying.

• 1:03:17Sam Morril?

  Female privilege.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  To have gotten to get in a car and be like, oh, this guy's not an Uber and I don't know whether or not, like, what did you?

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  He was a guy that was like quaking with mental illness who was at my show earlier and wanted to be my Uber, which I still think is kind of flattering if you're out there.

• 1:03:31Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  Because he didn't rape me and I just want to say thank you so much. That's so sweet that he didn't rape me.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Who has better adjectives than Rachel? Throbbing, quaking, wildly?

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Truly the best adjectives in comedy.

• 1:03:45Mark Normand?

  Quaking mental illness.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:46Mark Normand?

  That's wild.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  But no, I had a guy at the summer.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Thoming. She also said thoming.

• 1:03:50Sam Morril?

  That's, by the way, that's a dark life. You're just waiting for chicks in a fake, that's like the plot of Bone Collector. Remember that movie? Denzel, Angelina?

• 1:03:58Mark Normand?

  Is that how that was?

• 1:03:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a guy just picks you up in a cab and he puts some gas in the backseat and fucking takes you and kills you. Not a great movie, but.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Angelina.

• 1:04:06Sam Morril?

  Angelina. She was looking pretty good.

• 1:04:08Mark Normand?

  I got a bone to collect.

• 1:04:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, buddy.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  Bone.

• 1:04:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you do.

• 1:04:13Mark Normand?

  Jon Voight, daughter. Weird.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  It is weird.

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  I know, because I guess Jon Voight was a hot guy.

• 1:04:19Sam Morril?

  He's fucking Midnight Cowboy.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  He can see his face in her face.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, he looks exactly like her, so it's almost like I can't see him as a man because I just see like beautiful Angelina.

• 1:04:28Sam Morril?

  That's probably how you stay hard while fucking her. You're just, I mean, like, don't come, I mean. You're just like, I'm gonna fuck Jon Voight. Jon Voight, and like, alright, I lasted 20 minutes.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  That's her mother, right? That's her mom.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa, she's hot too.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  Wasn't she like a French actress or? I don't know.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  I have no information.

• 1:04:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she's beautiful. Yeah.

• 1:04:45Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:04:45Sam Morril?

  Angelina, man.

• 1:04:46Mark Normand?

  Heard she, uh, Brad Pitt, I think, hit the, hit the kids.

• 1:04:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 1:04:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  I did read that.

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  Allegedly. You see?

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Sam Morril?

  You sound like a kid hitting apologists right there, Sal, like you're doing the allegedly. Yeah, we don't want to get sued.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  I saw that on like, it was like.

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  Distancing.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  On a plane, right?

• 1:05:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he beat her, he roughed her up a little, but the first rule of.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  And the FBI had to come and they were still like, I don't know about this lying bitch. Like, the FBI was there, what the fuck?

• 1:05:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Speaker 03

  Every time a woman tells a tale of any kind of abuse, they're just like, I don't know.

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  Brad Pitt, you don't want him to be a bad guy, you know?

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  I know, I like too many of his movies.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  Listen, you can still come to him.

• 1:05:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:23Sam Morril?

  And I still will.

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  I did, he was the only man I've ever seen on screen where, when he was on that rooftop in

• 1:05:31Mark Normand?

  Hollywood.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Hollywood. I was alone in that theater and I took a picture of the movie screen.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  Which was psychotic.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  No, he was on, like, what was it?

• 1:05:42Sam Morril?

  That movie was so satisfying.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:44Sam Morril?

  I remember, I saw it with Ari Shaffir and I remember we just like, we just left, went to his house. He's like, "Let's do a podcast about that movie." I was like, "Let's fucking do it."

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  DiCaprio alone in that trailer.

• 1:05:53Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:05:54Mark Normand?

  I've been there.

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 1:05:56Mark Normand?

  And this guy's like, what, 54 here or something like that?

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like 54 or something. I, I remember seeing this and just going, "Good God."

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  I get angry when I see a guy that's that hot, because I just feel like a dirty Jew. And I'm like, "He would never want to fucking, he wouldn't want anything to do with a Rachel Feinstein."

• 1:06:11Mark Normand?

  That's true, especially that Wikipedia pic.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  That makes me want to name like Rosebud Baker. Rosebud Baker is a fucking, that's a hot name.

• 1:06:16Mark Normand?

  That's a good name.

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  Clean name.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Nice Gentile.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Nice, clean, not a whisper of ethnicity in it.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you know what, I grew up, people just called me Bud, so that's like how I got the personality.

• 1:06:26Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:06:28Sam Morril?

  How about, how about Brad Pitt and Troy? That was fucking crazy.

• 1:06:31Mark Normand?

  I never saw Troy.

• 1:06:32Sam Morril?

  It's not great, but he's, he's Achilles and he's just shredded.

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  You guys didn't let that play long enough or slow enough.

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, see, like, when I would see a guy like that, that was that hot, though, I would ima, and when I, even when I would fantasize about him, I would give him some kind of ailment or something so that I could make him want me. So I'd be like, "Oh, he has to have some sort of gangrenous disease."

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  I mean, look at this fucking dude.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  He's on his last legs. See, that-

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  I don't know who I'm more attracted to, him or Rose Byrne. This is crazy.

• 1:06:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Rose Byrne's hot.

• 1:06:58Sam Morril?

  Rose Byrne's hot. I mean, he's shredded.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't like wet, long hair on men, but-

• 1:07:05Speaker 03

  And then when I start thinking about him screaming at me on the plane and shaking me a little, I'm like, "Okay."

• 1:07:09Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  Now I'm in it to win it.

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why'd she call the FBI on that?

• 1:07:13Sam Morril?

  Why'd he hit his kids? Did they say why?

• 1:07:15Mark Normand?

  I think they made fun of Troy.

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  He shoved him down, it wasn't a punch situation.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, look at what he used to do.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  Allegedly.

• 1:07:21Sam Morril?

  You are an apologist, aren't you?

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Sam Morril?

  What are you doing to Charlie?

• 1:07:25Mark Normand?

  He loves BP.

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  I love that he's-

• 1:07:27Speaker 04

  Here my take on Woody Allen.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  Salak is like, "He shook her a little bit, but she was not alive."

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  I think his girlfriend now is a big heeb. If I'm not correct.

• 1:07:34Sam Morril?

  Salak is like, "I think his kid said the N-word or something."

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  I think she's Israeli. Pull up his girlfriend.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  He's dating a Nez something, she's not a heeb.

• 1:07:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, damn, sorry.

• 1:07:43Speaker 03

  She's like a Nez something or other.

• 1:07:44Sam Morril?

  You want a Jew in there?

• 1:07:45Mark Normand?

  I was hoping.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  She's like a hot Latina architect.

• 1:07:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're right, you're right. What about Amal Clooney?

• 1:07:51Sam Morril?

  What about her?

• 1:07:52Mark Normand?

  Is she a heeb?

• 1:07:53Sam Morril?

  No, you're just saying that because of her nose, you fucking racist.

• 1:07:56Mark Normand?

  She's hot.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  She is hot.

• 1:07:57Mark Normand?

  I mean, she's in my top five.

• 1:07:58Sam Morril?

  She's not in your top five.

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  Easily, easily. I love when you got Scarlett Johanne. Oh, she's gorgeous.

• 1:08:05Sam Morril?

  Very attractive lady.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Stunning.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  Do you remember how mad people were that he was with her?

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  What, really?

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, when they first got together, they were like, "Why the fuck would he go?" Because she was like a lawyer.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  She's so beautiful.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  They were upset that he went with like, a really intelligent woman with a career.

• 1:08:19Sam Morril?

  Public service announcement, Clooney, you're on Broadway. We're clearly fans of yours. I've fucking quoted out of sight on this podcast many times. Come on the fucking pod. We'll promote Good Night and Good Luck.

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:08:30Sam Morril?

  Love the movie. Clooney, I know you're hearing us here.

• 1:08:33Mark Normand?

  Love your wife.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  He loves your wife. He wants to have sex with your wife. That's our sales pitch.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Who's all actress Jewish people?

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, Gal Gadot, Shia Kuni? These are amazing.

• 1:08:44Sam Morril?

  No, we need, we need Clooney on here. I think that's a good ep.

• 1:08:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course, of course.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Come on, it's classic.

• 1:08:50Sam Morril?

  That's classic. Come on, Clooney. You did Maron. We're fucking comics.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  He probably drinks the most man's man of drinks. What do you think?

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  He has a tequila.

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  He's Casamigos.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. Fucking dry.

• 1:08:59Sam Morril?

  But I think he would like Bodega Cat.

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, you better believe it. Come on.

• 1:09:04Sam Morril?

  Hey, we're kinda like you. We're following your footsteps. So you want to talk to the younger versions of the, you know, we got Bodega?

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  You're buying a villa in like, close?

• 1:09:11Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, we're liquor salesmen. We're doing that. We're not saying we're like Clooney.

• 1:09:15Mark Normand?

  We're the Timu of those two guys.

• 1:09:16Sam Morril?

  We are. Timu's fucking flattering at that point. I'll take Timu. I'll take Timu, anything.

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  Who was that, like, Randy Gerber? Yeah, he looks like he'd be a wild one to drink with.

• 1:09:25Mark Normand?

  Who's Gerber?

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Is that Randy Gerber?

• 1:09:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think so. Who's Randy Gerber?

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  He is Cindy Crawford.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:09:32Speaker 03

  He looks like he would tie one on in a fucking-

• 1:09:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like, we'll hang out, we'll wife swap. It'll be great. It'll be cool.

• 1:09:37Mark Normand?

  This is some real Gentile shit right here. Just a couple of men out there on hogs.

• 1:09:42Sam Morril?

  But Clooney would like us. Clooney, it's out there. It's out there now.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  Clooney seems like the kind of guy that would go to like, an all man's barber shop. Like, he would just go and get, you know, he would have a chat with the guys and have whiskey.

• 1:09:53Mark Normand?

  The head shave or the neck shave?

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  I think, don't they all go to barber shops?

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  I guess they all do.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  Don't all men go to barber shops?

• 1:09:59Sam Morril?

  My guy says weird shit, man. I might need a change. It's tough.

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  I've always been so jealous that men have the barber shop.

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  Eh, he's, he just makes fucked up jokes and then starts laughing to himself. I'm like, I don't like this energy.

• 1:10:08Mark Normand?

  That sounds great.

• 1:10:09Sam Morril?

  But they're not good jokes.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  Ah, okay.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  My dentist does that. It's like disgusting. It's like my mouth is open and I feel, I'm like, I just feel like I'm getting-

• 1:10:19Sam Morril?

  Drilled?

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  Violated right now.

• 1:10:21Sam Morril?

  You're getting drilled by a dude?

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm just like, ugh, but with bad jokes.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:26Sam Morril?

  No, I get it.

• 1:10:27Mark Normand?

  Fake laugh.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of work.

• 1:10:29Sam Morril?

  You're like, haha, that's sharp.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, my dentist has bad breath, which is weird.

• 1:10:34Sam Morril?

  Who does?

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  My dentist. I'm like, you got horrible breath, but that's your thing?

• 1:10:37Sam Morril?

  You should say, it's like a barber with a fucking bad, I've gotten the fucking bald ponytail barber.

• 1:10:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 1:10:43Sam Morril?

  I'm like, you don't know well enough to cut that shit?

• 1:10:44Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:10:45Sam Morril?

  This is your whole bag.

• 1:10:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  Find me a photo of a Jew on a motorcycle.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  Oh, you know what?

• 1:10:50Mark Normand?

  I don't think I've ever seen it.

• 1:10:50Sam Morril?

  Jew on a motorcycle, that doesn't exist.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  There's no way. Or NFL.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  Or a Jew operating a fuse box. Let's see a Jew at a fuse box.

• 1:10:59Mark Normand?

  I'm not doing it home.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  Like, four in the morning.

• 1:11:01Sam Morril?

  Jew on a motorcycle is, dude, I told you to be Israeli. What did I say?

• 1:11:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, God, he's just, he's posing. That's not real. He's with his wife.

• 1:11:10Sam Morril?

  Israelis are built differently, like.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  They are.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  They're like fucking.

• 1:11:13Sam Morril?

  I think of like, cause I think of like military and like how I'd not be cut out for the military.

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  My bad.

• 1:11:19Sam Morril?

  But then you see those, I'm like, oh, fuck, I have allergies. Any of you guys have, uh, Claritin D?

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  This gun is heavy.

• 1:11:27Speaker 03

  Frankie's so much, when I would talk to Sam at night and she did like an impression of me talking to Sam once when she was playing with her dolls, she was like, "Don't worry, Sam, it's not your back, it's just anxiety."

• 1:11:37Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Wait till you see. Are you for real?

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  Yes, she goes, "Don't worry, she's fast asleep, she can't hear anything we say right now." I was so horrified because I'm like, she's heard all my conversations with Sam.

• 1:11:47Sam Morril?

  She can't hear anything we say. "My pussy's so wet right now." She's like, what?

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, she goes, "It's not your back, it's anxiety."

• 1:11:56Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's adorable.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  No, she's getting really funny. She's like, did you see that video where I, where she talked to me all about God? Like, she asked me all about God and Pete was totally worthless, yes.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:07Speaker 02

  So funny.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  She's like, can I see a picture of God? Like, she woke me up like, in like, five in the morning and Pete was like, "Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it, let's just play Hungry Hippos." I'm like, how did she, did you tell her about God? He goes, "Well, she asked me how I was born and I said, God and an angel," which is the fucking laziest answer ever.

• 1:12:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  God and an angel, had sex?

• 1:12:27Mark Normand?

  That's vague.

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  And she says some angel. She goes, "Daddy said I came here because of God and some angel," which almost sounds like some whore.

• 1:12:33Sam Morril?

  By the way, he.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, it does sound like some whore.

• 1:12:35Sam Morril?

  He's a New Yorker. That's what you, that's the answer you're giving like Birmingham, Alabama. That's the fucking.

• 1:12:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:39Sam Morril?

  It was an angel.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they're pretty close to each other, you know what I mean?

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  Ah, interesting, interesting.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  Like, it's, one is said with a different accent.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  You're right, that's a really good, that's such a good insight.

• 1:12:52Mark Normand?

  It's kinda like Long Island and Jersey are the same thing.

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, anywhere outside of a major city.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a repressed Catholic, of course that's what he said, God and some angel.

• 1:13:01Mark Normand?

  What are you looking up, angels?

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  God and some angel, it really does feel like some kind of...

• 1:13:04Sam Morril?

  Sal, you've lost control of the Google here, what are you doing? What is this shit?

• 1:13:07Speaker 04

  I was looking for a Mexican guy with the name Angel, tattoo, alright.

• 1:13:10Sam Morril?

  This guy's lost his fucking mojo.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  I lost, I lost it when I looked up Jew fixing an electrical box for you.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  Cause you're not gonna find this, there'll never be a picture.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, it did not come up.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  My dad cannot operate a fuse box, like, he doesn't even know what it is. He looks at it like somebody like from like the 60s, looking at like an IBM computer.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  Like, is Andy Jewish?

• 1:13:29Sam Morril?

  Is Andy not good at fixing shit?

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  He's, he's okay, he's not like, he's not terrible at it, but I, I would pick hiring someone.

• 1:13:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, TaskRabbit.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  I would choose to hire someone, just so that it doesn't...

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  Can you fix stuff, Mark?

• 1:13:43Mark Normand?

  I only can because I worked as a porter for years, cause I couldn't get a job anywhere else.

• 1:13:48Sam Morril?

  Wow, I didn't know this shit.

• 1:13:48Speaker 03

  You didn't know that?

• 1:13:49Mark Normand?

  So I had to learn everything on the fly, they'd be like, "Go fix the fuse box." And I was like, "Oh, okay," and I would Google the shit out of it, and then I would have to fix it. And then the lights and the skyscraper go, "Ooh."

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  Where were you a porter? That's fascinating.

• 1:14:00Mark Normand?

  At a high-rise in, uh, Midtown East.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Oh, shit.

• 1:14:03Speaker 03

  I dated a porter.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  Yes, because I was a nanny at this building on the Upper East Side, and then like...

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  And you met the porter?

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  I think I just thought he was flirting with you, and he was just helping me to the car. I was like, "Oh, he's obviously hitting on me," but then I was like, "He likes me," and I just, and then, yeah, I dated him for a little while.

• 1:14:21Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:14:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, Upper East Side.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  86th and York.

• 1:14:25Speaker 02

  I never like dated anybody that I met in the wild like that.

• 1:14:28Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:14:29Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I never...

• 1:14:30Sam Morril?

  Where'd you meet people?

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  I have a very unapproachable energy, it's what I've come to understand.

• 1:14:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  There's a hard edge.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  I'm very unapproachable, even on dates with men that have been, that have told me, where like, I don't know if I'm on a date or not, and I'm like, "What's going on?" Like, I'd be like, "What's, why am I here? Are you trying to sleep with me? I just need to know if you're trying to."

• 1:14:52Mark Normand?

  I feel the same way.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  So that I know how to act.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:14:55Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:14:55Sam Morril?

  I say the same thing, I'm like, "This dick ain't free." I mean, you gotta fucking... Come on.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  I just need to know what the deal is, you know, like I feel.

• 1:15:03Mark Normand?

  Well, the problem is like open Wikipedia you and then.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh.

• 1:15:08Mark Normand?

  Well, how is it?

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  Seeing four of them.

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  Do you have a lot of bad, you have a lot of bad first dates?

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Um, no, I mean, I, I, not really, like, I've had, I've had first dates where I'm like, I don't wanna see you again, but I wouldn't call them like really terrible.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  How did you meet guys like online or like?

• 1:15:24Speaker 02

  I would always meet them on like apps.

• 1:15:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, apps work, they work.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  But I kind of, I was like, damn, I wish I had met like, I mean, I met my husband in, in the wild, but I didn't.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, comedy.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? It's not really the same.

• 1:15:37Sam Morril?

  Didn't you meet at Dan's wedding?

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  No, we met before that. We, I mean, Dan's wedding was like when we hit it off. And then I was like, on the way home from there and I was like, am I, were we just at a wedding? And that's like why I'm feeling like, I, I couldn't quite figure out if I liked him or not. And then, um, a few, like a week later, I was like, I still wanna hang out with him again. And then I was like, oh, that's, I, I think there's something there, something's going on there. Yeah.

• 1:16:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:05Sam Morril?

  I remember that wedding. That was fun.

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  And then he proposed to you, like when, what did he do when he proposed?

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  Well, it was, I had a moment with him where I was like, listen, we should fuck other people because I'm trying to get married again. I, I wanna get married and.

• 1:16:17Sam Morril?

  You said that?

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Cause I was like.

• 1:16:19Sam Morril?

  That's a shocking thing to say.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  I know. I was like, I, cause I didn't think he wanted to get married. Yeah. I was like, I wanna get married. I'm looking for a husband. You know, you're a comic. You've been married before. I imagine you're not trying to get married again. So we should probably fuck other people, you know?

• 1:16:32Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I like that.

• 1:16:33Speaker 02

  But it was, I was like, this is, I just couldn't do the, you know,

• 1:16:38Sam Morril?

  You didn't see it?

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  pretending like I didn't care about getting married and all the fucking.

• 1:16:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good for you.

• 1:16:42Speaker 02

  Like bullshit.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  Enough of that.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  And what did he say to this?

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  He was like, I would, I would think about getting married again. And he's like, I don't wanna fuck other people.

• 1:16:51Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh, okay. Well. All right, you know, so then it was like, okay, then we're like dating.

• 1:16:57Mark Normand?

  This is so not romantic.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  No, it was not romantic at all. It was like-

• 1:17:01Sam Morril?

  But it's so unromantic that it's kind of romantic.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  I like it, I think it's-

• 1:17:05Mark Normand?

  I like how straightforward it is.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  I also assumed like, I was like, I told Pete, I was like, you should probably just drive me out to the woods like some cat you failed to domesticate or something. Like, let me-

• 1:17:15Sam Morril?

  There's this guy I want to meet in the woods, he's doing paintings of me. I want to see this dude.

• 1:17:20Speaker 03

  Drive me to a trailer park in South Jersey.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Really talented artist.

• 1:17:23Mark Normand?

  What do you mean? You want him to get rid of you? What are you talking about?

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  I just thought there's no way this, like, Catholic, you know, fireman wants to marry me. Like, I'm like, he's like, he should marry some fucking nurse named Gina, or like a hairstylist in Jersey, you know?

• 1:17:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:17:37Speaker 03

  He's not gonna want to, like, settle down, and I also wanted to get married. Like, I'm very monogamous, I always wanted to get married. And so I was just like, "Don't dick me around here, like, you're gonna waste my time." So I was like, "Yeah, drive me out." I told him that direct, I was like,

• 1:17:49Mark Normand?

  Shoot me in the head.

• 1:17:50Speaker 03

  "Drive me out to the woods like some fucking cat you failed to domesticate and let me back out in the wild." And I think he said something that was not romantic, but he was just kind of like, "No, I don't want to drive you to the wild." Like, he's like, "I think we'll keep going." It was like the Vegas non-compliment.

• 1:18:02Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  Keep going.

• 1:18:03Speaker 02

  Let's just keep going.

• 1:18:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Well, Rachel, it sounds like you need to go with the, uh, with a deer and antelope prey. Check out Nick Offerman's new book on, uh, paperbacks, wherever you can find him.

• 1:18:17Speaker 03

  I can't wait to have a book just so I can do gags like that, like-

• 1:18:20Sam Morril?

  I love that guy.

• 1:18:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, he's a man.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  He's awesome.

• 1:18:23Sam Morril?

  He's a fucking man.

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  And that's a marriage, him and Megan Mullally.

• 1:18:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're doing it.

• 1:18:28Speaker 02

  How long have they been married?

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  Who knows, but I bet they have wild, rough sex. Did you see that?

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  I love that guy.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  Look at her, she's a-

• 1:18:37Sam Morril?

  He got-

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  He's hot.

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she is hot.

• 1:18:39Sam Morril?

  She is, he's very attractive, and he's, and he's a cool fucking dude.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can tell they fuck, look how they pose.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  Married since 2003.

• 1:18:46Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:18:47Sam Morril?

  That's an incredible Hollywood marriage.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:49Mark Normand?

  That's rare.

• 1:18:50Sam Morril?

  Man, you know what I was watching the other night? I just was like, I pulled my fucking back out so bad when I got back on the road, and I just like, I'm laying down, I was like, "I haven't seen Eyes Wide Shut in a while, just threw it on." That movie was made, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are having marital difficulties, and Stanley Kubrick's like, "I'm gonna cast them as a couple who's having marital difficulties." And it's great, you're watching them and she has this long monologue about how she wants to fuck this, uh, this marine or whatever, this like-

• 1:19:16Speaker 04

  Sailor.

• 1:19:16Sam Morril?

  This sailor. And Tom Cruise just sits there and takes it and it's just this dark fucking movie.

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  Yikes.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  It's, it's pretty damn, I, I won't say it's like a perfect movie, but it's pretty fucking entertaining.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  It's very entertaining. And it bombed. It bombed horribly.

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  I've watched that movie multiple times and, and apparently, uh, Roger Avery was saying on Rogan, he was like, that movie was supposed to be about like child molestation.

• 1:19:38Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:19:38Sam Morril?

  And they changed it, cause the studio was like, we're not making this. Cause he like complained to the studio four days before he died and then he just died and they're like, yeah, we'll make this what we want to make it. But it's still pretty fucking good.

• 1:19:48Mark Normand?

  It's good.

• 1:19:49Speaker 04

  You ever see this photo?

• 1:19:51Mark Normand?

  What's that?

• 1:19:52Speaker 04

  It's Nicole Kidman, uh, smoking on the red carpet.

• 1:19:53Speaker 03

  Dissociating from her marriage?

• 1:19:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  And like you could just tell that he hates that she's smoking.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's a health nut. I mean, he apparently wouldn't allow alcohol on Top Gun. He's like, no, really?

• 1:20:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:20:04Sam Morril?

  He wants everyone in tip top shape, you know?

• 1:20:06Mark Normand?

  You see that Adderall clip that's going around of him?

• 1:20:08Sam Morril?

  You know what? I, I, it bothers me cause a lot of people are posting like, Tom Cruise was right. Was he?

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 1:20:14Sam Morril?

  I took fuck, I took Adderall when I was a kid. It fucking helped me turn my grades around.

• 1:20:17Speaker 03

  Me too. I got, I was like failing until I started taking it.

• 1:20:20Sam Morril?

  I, I, I don't-

• 1:20:20Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:20:21Sam Morril?

  It's a, it's the classic clip where he's calling Matt, Matt, uh, whatever his name from the Today Show, uh-

• 1:20:26Mark Normand?

  Lauer.

• 1:20:27Sam Morril?

  Lauer Glib. And it's like, fine, you make some fair points, but also like, I've done the research. You're a fucking actor, bro. I know you, I know you're, I know you're like probably, you commit like crazy to your work, so I'm sure he goes hard with this other stuff, but you're not a scientist.

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  Doing research now is code for I found something I agreed with and I stopped looking.

• 1:20:48Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:20:49Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:20:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:50Sam Morril?

  I've done some research, but also it's like, Lauer, I thought handled it alright, where he's like, look, I'm not saying I know this, but I'm saying I've seen cases where this works. I'm a case where it worked. You're a case where it worked. Maybe you don't fucking know every kid's story. I mean, I mean-

• 1:21:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:04Sam Morril?

  I, I just think it's, it's one of those moments where people are like, man, Tom Cruise called it. No, we all just like, we just like Tom Cruise, a good fucking actor. I don't know if he called anything here.

• 1:21:13Speaker 03

  Is this the one where he was prancing around the couch pretending like pussy or something?

• 1:21:17Mark Normand?

  It's a similar era.

• 1:21:17Sam Morril?

  By the way, by the way, he's in Scientology. What are we fucking talking about? They have dirt on him. They have dirt on everybody.

• 1:21:24Mark Normand?

  He's gay.

• 1:21:25Sam Morril?

  No one has left Scientology in a-

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  Unscathed.

• 1:21:27Sam Morril?

  Unscathed, in a pleasant situation where they're like, yeah, we had a, we had an amicable, uh, split.

• 1:21:31Mark Normand?

  Will Smith had a good run.

• 1:21:33Speaker 04

  I was told Richard Gere, the, the story-

• 1:21:36Sam Morril?

  Is this Richard Gere?

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  Same, Richard Gere.

• 1:21:38Mark Normand?

  The gerbil.

• 1:21:39Sam Morril?

  The gerbil's back, baby.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  That's a six week callback.

• 1:21:42Sam Morril?

  Because he left Scientology. Yeah.

• 1:21:43Speaker 04

  He was in Scientology, left, and they're like, "We're gonna fucking destroy you."

• 1:21:46Sam Morril?

  That's what I'm talking about. So if you wanna talk about the pharmaceutical industry, I'll admit, they're fucking evil. But like, those drugs helped me when I was a kid, and they develop habits if you use them right. And guess what, Richard Gere? This thing didn't hurt you more than Scientology did, did it? This little fucking gerbil.

• 1:22:03Mark Normand?

  But I think the problem is...

• 1:22:04Sam Morril?

  Little fucking adorable gerbil.

• 1:22:08Mark Normand?

  That smells like shit.

• 1:22:09Speaker 04

  He just kissed a shit gerbil.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  You're like, "Dropping Elon's toes."

• 1:22:12Mark Normand?

  One shot, and this guy will fucking handle it.

• 1:22:15Sam Morril?

  I bet a couple catch up, man, come on.

• 1:22:17Mark Normand?

  But, I think his point is, we shouldn't just throw drugs at a kid. You know, like, you should try to solve the problem.

• 1:22:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:24Mark Normand?

  I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I do hate when these actors go on these tirades. Like, when Jim Carrey did the vaccine tirade, you're like, "Just stick to acting, you queef. We don't care about your tight t-shirt."

• 1:22:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, when people are like, you know, look...

• 1:22:37Speaker 02

  Nathan McIntosh had the funniest thing about Jim Carrey that I do agree with. Where he was like, "Everybody's talking about how Jim Carrey's a fucking whack job, and how he's like, 'Shut up, and di-" And they're like, "He's crazy now." And then he's like, "Oh, you think he was more sane when he was opening his asshole up and talking with it?"

• 1:22:55Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:22:56Speaker 02

  He's more sane than he's ever been.

• 1:22:58Sam Morril?

  Nathan's got great jokes, man.

• 1:23:00Mark Normand?

  Check out McIntosh.

• 1:23:03Speaker 03

  Great hang, too. Nathan's so funny.

• 1:23:04Mark Normand?

  Good hang.

• 1:23:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's great. I love, I love, he and I were...

• 1:23:07Sam Morril?

  By the way, if Jim Carrey were in this room right now, not one of us wouldn't fucking run up and hug him.

• 1:23:12Mark Normand?

  Of course!

• 1:23:14Sam Morril?

  We all love, and look, I fucking love Tom Cruise, too. I'm just saying, like, people sucking him off for that tirade, it's like, come on.

• 1:23:19Speaker 03

  No, all it takes for me is just one compliment from a Nazi, and I'm on it, sitting on his lap.

• 1:23:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Hey, gerbils, if he called me funny, I'd be like, "Hey, this guy's alright."

• 1:23:28Mark Normand?

  Fucking gerbils and gerbils.

• 1:23:31Sam Morril?

  Good gerbils, really seems like...

• 1:23:34Mark Normand?

  Put gerbils in his ass.

• 1:23:38Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 1:23:41Sam Morril?

  This tequila is fucking good. What is this?

• 1:23:43Mark Normand?

  It's very good. It's smooth as hell. What is that?

• 1:23:46Sam Morril?

  Patron El Alto. God damn-

• 1:23:48Speaker 03

  That looks like some guy's high school cologne.

• 1:23:51Mark Normand?

  A lot of cologne.

• 1:23:52Sam Morril?

  Jamie, the bartender, we love you for sending us-

• 1:23:54Mark Normand?

  Jamo!

• 1:23:55Sam Morril?

  It's delicious.

• 1:23:56Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Poppy. Thank you for all you do.

• 1:23:58Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be a real problem.

• 1:23:59Mark Normand?

  Thank you. She is Puerto Rican.

• 1:24:01Sam Morril?

  Should we wrap this up?

• 1:24:02Mark Normand?

  Let's wrap it up!

• 1:24:03Sam Morril?

  Plug, new special on-

• 1:24:04Mark Normand?

  Motherload, Netflix! Yeah, Motherload on Netflix.

• 1:24:06Speaker 03

  The special is unbelievable.

• 1:24:08Sam Morril?

  Well, I'm gonna watch it.

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  Oh, check it out. My fucking website is like, I just don't even-

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  So much better than that.

• 1:24:14Mark Normand?

  It's just all blank.

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  It's still Whiskey Fist. No, the show's- oh shit, I don't know why those are blank. That should be-

• 1:24:19Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Well, um, I do my own website, so I'll fix that. Yeah!

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  That's what I was looking for.

• 1:24:29Sam Morril?

  Look, check up her website. We'll get it fixed by the time this is out and, uh-

• 1:24:33Mark Normand?

  That is a different person. It's like a youth-

• 1:24:35Speaker 03

  Her friends are gonna wheel her to a town near you!

• 1:24:38Sam Morril?

  Rachel Feinstein, we're gonna become- oh, I love her.

• 1:24:40Mark Normand?

  Hey, you can see the bottom of the labia.

• 1:24:42Speaker 02

  Who does your website, Rach?

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't know. I can't even remember, honestly, but I, um-

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  A man in the woods.

• 1:24:48Speaker 03

  A guy named Sam, they emailed me.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  If you guys have somebody that does your website, please tell them, send them-

• 1:24:53Speaker 03

  But you should not use the Punch Up page now.

• 1:24:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Punch Up.

• 1:24:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:57Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live/Rachel Feinstein/tickets.

• 1:25:00Speaker 03

  Yes, I'm in Nashville speaking, but it probably won't air by the time-

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  No, yeah, um, so it starts here on the 9th here.

• 1:25:05Speaker 03

  Okay, never mind. I'm in, I don't know, uh-

• 1:25:08Sam Morril?

  You're at Vermont Comedy Club, Magoobie's Joke House, Comedy Mothership in Austin, Mic Drop Comedy in San Diego, uh, Mic Drop Comedy in Plano, Texas, and the Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse. Go see Rachel Feinstein on the road. Go to her website for tickets.

• 1:25:23Mark Normand?

  Hell, and Rachel's got a Netflix special out there as well.

• 1:25:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, check out Rachel's hilarious Netflix special.

• 1:25:28Speaker 03

  It's called Big Guy.

• 1:25:29Mark Normand?

  Big Guy.

• 1:25:30Sam Morril?

  When is this out? Yeah, the ninth tonight, I'm in Burlington, Vermont. I'm sure I didn't sell that out. Maybe I will, it's a big venue. Montreal, Toronto, Buffalo, Albany, Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa, St. Louis, Missouri, can't wait. Kansas City, a lot of barbecue on this trip. Minneapolis, Phoenix, couple nights in Phoenix. Then we got San Diego, Sacramento, SF, the Masonic, I can't wait. I had a late show in Portland on a Monday, so you better fucking help me out. Seattle, the Moore Theater, my favorite theater. I had a late show in Vancouver, Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake, we got, and then we got Denver, Colorado, at the Paramount, can't wait.

• 1:26:09Speaker 03

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:26:10Sam Morril?

  Samuel.com/shows, follow us on Punch Up.

• 1:26:13Mark Normand?

  Ho, Chicago!

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  I shit on Punch Up.

• 1:26:16Mark Normand?

  Put it on Punch Up. Reno, Nevada, two shows. Nashville, the Ryman, Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, New Brunswick, Reykjavik, we're going to the UK, folks. Come on out. Glasgow, Birmingham, Bristol, London, you name it. Rochester, Portchester, Albany, all the toothless towns. Wausau, Green Bay, oh Eugene, San Jose, I got invited to the Nike store in, in...

• 1:26:42Sam Morril?

  It's overrated.

• 1:26:43Speaker 02

  I just went to Eugene.

• 1:26:44Sam Morril?

  It's overrated.

• 1:26:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:26:46Sam Morril?

  It's not as good, they bill it up like it's gonna be something amazing, it's fine.

• 1:26:50Mark Normand?

  Hey, it's free shit, I'll take it.

• 1:26:51Sam Morril?

  It's not free.

• 1:26:52Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:26:52Sam Morril?

  It's discounted.

• 1:26:53Mark Normand?

  I'm not going.

• 1:26:53Sam Morril?

  You can get free shit.

• 1:26:54Mark Normand?

  Fuck it, we're canceling the whole gig.

• 1:26:56Sam Morril?

  Cancel it.

• 1:26:57Mark Normand?

  Las Vegas, Akron, Dayton. Oh, we're in September, this is crazy, I'll be dead by then. We'll see you all in hell.

• 1:27:02Sam Morril?

  We love you guys.

• 1:27:03Speaker 02

  Can I say, can I say my...

• 1:27:04Sam Morril?

  Let's get some dates from Rosebud.

• 1:27:05Speaker 02

  I just wanna look them up.

• 1:27:06Sam Morril?

  So you wanna see Rosebud on the road?

• 1:27:08Speaker 02

  Just kill time for a second, Wally.

• 1:27:09Sam Morril?

  We'll kill time for a second.

• 1:27:10Mark Normand?

  All right, pull up Rosebud's...

• 1:27:11Speaker 03

  For all you soldiers and for all you soldiers out there at sea, we're thinking about all you all.

• 1:27:15Sam Morril?

  Uh, we got Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodeagacatwhiskey.com, we're at a lot of new places right now, we're crushing.

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  There's Jodie Foster on, on drugs.

• 1:27:23Sam Morril?

  Jodie Foster and the Accused, and, uh...

• 1:27:27Speaker 02

  Dammit, I don't know where they are. Um, all right, you know what, I won't do this to people, but...

• 1:27:31Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:27:31Speaker 03

  Rosebud's special is called Motherload, you gotta, it's amazing.

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  Yes, just watch the special and then go to my website.

• 1:27:37Sam Morril?

  And we love you all, thank you for listening. Watch Rachel in Rosebud's stuff, we love them both.

• 1:27:42Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:27:42Sam Morril?

  I was pumped for this episode and it did not disappoint.

• 1:27:45Mark Normand?

  No, killer app.

• 1:27:47Sam Morril?

  Love it, what a great hang.

• 1:27:48Mark Normand?

  And send Rachel paintings and nudes and send, and get, uh, Rosebud to sign your book of dead people.

• 1:27:57Sam Morril?

  We love you. See you next week, guys. Thanks.

• 1:27:59Speaker 02

  Bye, guys.

• 1:28:00Speaker 05

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Peverac, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.