How To Unlock Your Greatness Mindset w/ Lewis Howes

The journey to GREATNESS begins with believing YOU ARE ENOUGH. LEWIS HOWES is talking to you this week on the Ed Mylett Show about overcoming challenges and tapping into your own GREATNESS. Nothing could have prepared him for what he faced after his father’s near-fatal car accident and an injury that ended his pro football career after one season. Lewis has a remarkable story about OVERCOMING ADVERSITY and finding a NEW PURPOSE in life. We cover a lot of things this week, including… 🏆 Subconscious blocks rooted in FEAR, SUCCESS, and JUDGMENT 🏆 STRATEGIES to process the “I AM NOT ENOUGH” mentality 🏆 The difference between SUCCESS VS. GREATNESS 🏆 What are the COURAGEOUS questions to ask ourselves 🏆 METHODS for inner child healing and SELF-LOVE Lewis ends with an emotional story about how his relationship with his dad changed over the years and how it has impacted him to this day, which really touches me as you know my father means the world to me! From start to finish, this is a POWERFUL hour about how you can take Lewis’s learnings around how he has overcome INTERNAL and EXTERNAL challenges and APPLY THEM TO YOUR LIFE. This episode will help you develop YOUR GREATNESS MINDSET. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

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• 0:45Ed Mylett?

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• 1:01Speaker 01

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• 1:34Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Mylett Show. Welcome back, everybody. Today's gonna be awesome. I got a great friend here, someone I'm very, very proud of and very fond of. I have great affection for this man. I admire him, makes me emotional, and I respect him. And...

• 1:53Ed Mylett?

  I think probably in my life, the last five, six years, he may have, he's potentially grown more as a person than anybody that I know, and I loved him and thought he was amazing when I met him. And this is a guy in the pursuit of greatness, and it just so happens, he's got a new book out called The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today. This man's immensely qualified to talk on this topic. Lewis Howes, welcome, brother.

• 2:18Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, Ed. Appreciate it, brother.

• 2:20Ed Mylett?

  Good to have you. You all know Lewis, probably, but if you don't, just past 10 years with his podcast, he's already a New York Times bestselling author, and I'm grateful you wrote the book because you've been studying greatness up close enough for about a decade.

• 2:31Lewis Howes?

  I want people to know this about you, the serendipity and synchronicities that I think you bring to so many people's lives. There's tens of millions of people that watch and listen to you every week on multiple platforms, and because they watch and listen, magic happens in their life. And I'm sure you hear it and see it, and they send it a lot, but I don't know if everyone sends it enough. And so I want you, if you're watching or listening right now, if something happens today that is a serendipitous moment, is a synchronicity, maybe you, when something happens in your life, you're always like, oh, I'm going in the right direction. Maybe it's like you see a penny, or you see a butterfly, or you see some symbol, or someone

• 3:13Lewis Howes?

  says something to you, or someone in your life calls you, and when that happens, something good happens. Like, pay attention today, when you're listening to this, this moment. And anytime you're watching or listening to Ed, and send him a message again, saying there was a synchronicity because of you today. And when synchronicities happen, you need to listen, pay attention, and take action. And the moment, you met Martha, my girlfriend, I guess it was last week, week and a half ago, and you met her in a moment of prayer, was the moment you met her. You literally are holding her hand, and you were like, nice to meet you, while we were praying for a friend of ours in this moment. I won't say what was happening, but one of our friends was going through a moment that needed a lot of support and prayer.

• 3:56Lewis Howes?

  And you grabbed her hands, and you said, nice to meet you, I'm sorry, it's happening in this moment. And later, after the event, we were like, wow, there was a synchronicity that happened before this, months ago, because I was in Maui with Martha.

• 4:12Lewis Howes?

  And I was about to make a big decision. And I remember saying, who's a mentor I could check in on and ask about this? That's why I think it's really important to enlist support and not try to do it all on your own. Like, find the mentors that you look up to. You're someone I really look up to and I value your wisdom and your knowledge. And I was been planning to take a big investment for, I don't know, six months. I was thinking about this, researching it, planning it. And I go, and I'm with Martha, I go, I think I just need to call someone and like double check. Someone who, who could give me some feedback on this. And I call you, and I'm like, kind of walking around by myself, like in the grass by the hotel room. And then she comes up maybe like five, 10 minutes later.

• 4:54Lewis Howes?

  And I'm gonna have it on speaker, so she can listen to the end of the conversation. And you said something to me, you said, this is a divine intervention. That's right. That's what you said. You go, this is a divine intervention. You know, that you're calling me at this moment, because something just came up. And if you called me two days ago. That's true. It wouldn't have happened. So, this is divine intervention. And she's looking at me, she goes, because the night before, we said, she did a prayer. She said, God, guide our steps in this decision. Give us a sign. She literally said, I'm getting chills. She goes, give us a sign for Lewis to be clear that this is the right decision to make. Because for months, it felt like it was the right decision.

• 5:39Lewis Howes?

  And something was off, I was like, I don't know, like maybe, maybe not. And she said, God, give us a s- a clear sign that this is the right decision. And then the next morning, I call you. And you say, this is divine intervention. And I'm like, we're both kind of like, jumped back. And then, months later, you meet her in prayer. And I'm like getting chills thinking about this, because there's just synchronicities that happen in life. And when they happen to you, pay attention. And so that's why, another reason why I'm so grateful for you, because you've brought, even though we've only hung out, I don't know, seven, eight times, maybe in five years, maybe a dozen times. And only, and I've only had a handful of conversations.

• 6:22Lewis Howes?

  I truly value every interaction that I have. And there's always divine intervention every time I get to connect with you. So if you're listening or watching right now. Please pay attention to the signs that are in your life when Ed, when you're listening to this podcast, or watching a clip, or our video. Use it, because not everyone's going to get a chance to speak to you the way I do. Not everyone has that opportunity, but they have the opportunity to hear your wisdom on this show. Pay attention to the divine intervention when you're listening to this show, and any show that Ed Diver does, and make sure you are following the signs. Wow, brother. That is a beautiful story. Thank you for telling me. Of course. So good.

• 7:05Ed Mylett?

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• 7:49Ed Mylett?

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• 9:10Ed Mylett?

  I want to start somewhere interesting, which is the dedication of the book.

• 9:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 9:14Ed Mylett?

  You dedicated the book to you. But there's a reason and I want you to share it because I think this is the ultimate pursuit of greatness. Actually, you dedicated it to the younger you.

• 9:23Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 9:23Ed Mylett?

  Why?

• 9:25Lewis Howes?

  Uh, I think we criticize ourselves and our younger selves too much. I think we live in shame, beat up, and we don't forgive our younger selves for all the bad things, all the things that we did to hurt ourselves and hurt others. And so over the last couple of years on my healing journey, I had a photo of my five year old self for about a year on my phone. And it wasn't to be narcissistic or anything like that. It was, you know, an emotional coach gave me an exercise and said, you've still got some wounds you gotta heal. And I want you to go back and have a different relationship and create meaning from those painful memories in a supportive, loving, compassionate way towards your younger self. And so I spent a year, kind of when I was writing this book,

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  doing this healing journey of the different psychological phases of my life. Bringing it closer right now, I've got a photo of my 17 year old self.

• 10:19Ed Mylett?

  Look at that.

• 10:19Lewis Howes?

  I'm in the way the cameras is maybe it's over there, but it's a, it's kind of like when I was 17 in high school.

• 10:24Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 10:24Lewis Howes?

  Uh, and I'm going to St. Louis tomorrow to see our mutual friend. But I'm also going to my alma mater, my high school where this photo was taken.

• 10:31Ed Mylett?

  Are you really?

• 10:32Lewis Howes?

  So I'm on this journey of. Going back to all the painful memories, the things I'm proud of and the things I'm not proud of. From, from as far back as I can until now. And I'm trying to marry those ages to now, to be peaceful, to be kind and to be compassionate to myself. And also take full accountability for all the different things that again, that I was proud of and not proud of. And so I wanted to, I didn't know how this dedication would come off. I was like, ah, maybe people might take this the wrong way. But I wanted to honor my younger self for getting me through the pain, the, the problems, the challenges and getting me here. Without having all the tools, without having the wisdom, the experience, the knowledge.

• 11:17Lewis Howes?

  And by having to overcome so much, I wanted to honor my younger self.

• 11:21Ed Mylett?

  I think it's beautiful and because I know you so well, I knew the intention of it, but I wanted to make sure my audience did too. Do you think, this is gonna get good real quick, because you're qualified to talk about this. So you've done this work about healing the, the former you. And you've been open about the fact that there was some sexual abuse issues in your life and you hid those for so long. And the freedom that it created for you by just expressing it and being vulnerable and authentic about it. How does someone nuance, I wanna, or do they have to? I gotta kind of create the right meaning from my past, at the same time not live there.

• 11:58Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:58Ed Mylett?

  And begin to live greatly now, that nuance. And you talk about these different stages actually in the book, but how does someone nuance that?

• 12:05Lewis Howes?

  I, I wouldn't recommend doing it on your own. I think have support. You know, whether that's a priest or a counselor or a friend who's qualified or a therapist or some type of coach that can support you. In holding the space when you have to go back and feel that pain. Because otherwise you might go in a downward spiral if it was that painful and you don't know how to process it. So I've always used coaches to support me in processing in a safe space. Well, they'll give me exercises, journaling, reflection, whether I'm crying or just opening up and whatever's coming up for me. And that allows me to have kind of a container where I can think about it, go back and feel it and then move back into my life today. As opposed to living in that pain.

• 12:45Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  Cause that doesn't serve us to stay in it constantly. Have a moment where experience it, create new meaning and create a new story about how this can benefit your future. No matter how painful or traumatic it was, not saying it was okay or that you want to experience it again. But to create meaning from those moments has been very powerful for me. And it's really caused me to be like, okay, those things had to happen for me to be where I'm at. And I wouldn't be living my destiny now. This path, this meaningful mission that I have now with all, without all these collection of experiences that occurred. Just like I know everything that you went through, it's like you wouldn't be the powerful leader commanding

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  a presence in any situation you go in. You wouldn't have the voice you have if you didn't, if you felt, if you didn't feel voiceless when you were younger.

• 13:32Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  Because you had to overcome these things that caused you to be such a, a leader with such a force with every interaction you have. And I, and I hope everyone listening and watching gets to meet you one day because your presence around human beings, you care so much about humanity. And it's because you went through stuff where you didn't feel like you were enough at different stages.

• 13:54Ed Mylett?

  Thank you for saying that, brother.

• 13:55Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And that's, and I think those experiences for you caused you to have to overcome certain insecurities, overcome certain fears. And those things that made you feel powerless, you went all in on them and they became a superpower.

• 14:09Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Lewis Howes?

  Where now it's something you lead with.

• 14:12Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 14:12Lewis Howes?

  And you're courageous about. And so these are opportunities for us to reflect back on the things that made us feel powerless. That make us close our heart, to make us hold back our gifts. And then use these things that make us powerless into something powerful. So we can serve others and that's been the key.

• 14:28Ed Mylett?

  Man, I'm telling you, I'm sitting here watching you going, dude, this is gonna be groundbreaking work. Cause you're, if you, if you have not met Louis, he's a giant. He's a big man. He's a powerful man. He's a competitive man. And the complexity of who you become is so compelling to me. Because there's this gentleness and kindness and softness that I think's come from you to other people from giving yourself that gift.

• 14:58Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:58Ed Mylett?

  I've watched you be a little kinder to yourself. Says something that really powerful, man. Just, I wanna enlighten everybody on it. The container word you used.

• 15:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Ed Mylett?

  It's okay, I've dealt with it. I'm working on it. It's put in a container and I go back to my life. A lot of the things you have in here are about stories. And that we live our stories. And chapter three is the first thing I want to ask you about. Missing your meaningful mission. What causes someone to not know their mission and miss it? Is it they spend too much time in the former story? That they've taken meanings that don't serve them from the story? What causes somebody to do that?

• 15:31Lewis Howes?

  All of that and the fears that hold them back. And there's really three fears that I've identified, which is the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of judgment. And when we can reflect on analyzing which one of these hold me back the most? And what is the root cause of me living in that fear? Then we can start to, again, mend the wounds and create meaning from those wounds, and then create a new meaningful mission moving forward. For a lot of my life, I don't know if you've ever been in this place, I was so driven to succeed because I didn't feel enough.

• 16:01Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 16:01Lewis Howes?

  And I thought by succeeding, achieving, getting awards, getting followers, making more money, would fill the hole of not feeling enoughness. Not smart enough, not talented enough, not good looking enough, whatever it was. Is that something you've experienced in your past?

• 16:16Ed Mylett?

  One billion percent exactly the same, yes.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  And for me, I would get, I don't know about you, but when I would experience success in sports and then early in business, it's almost like 20 minutes after I accomplished a goal of 10 years I was chasing, I was angry.

• 16:32Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 16:32Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if you ever felt that way.

• 16:33Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent.

• 16:34Lewis Howes?

  Angry and was kind of like mad at everyone around me.

• 16:36Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  Like when everyone's celebrating me, I was kind of like, get away from me.

• 16:40Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  And I didn't understand it. Until I started the healing journey about 10 years ago. So this is what happened for me. I realized that my fear, when I started to dissect this, I was never afraid of failure. And I don't think you ever were either because you're an athlete. And athletes who go through the journey of multiple sports, which we both played multiple sports, we have coaches that say, hey, it's okay to fail. You know, just adjust it a little bit, adjust your shot, adjust your swing a little bit. You're gonna miss it, you're gonna miss it, but here's how you adjust it. It was always feedback, it was information. So it wasn't like you suck and leave if you fail. We failed every day.

• 17:20Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 17:21Lewis Howes?

  And we knew that this was the process to success.

• 17:23Ed Mylett?

  I became familiar with failure.

• 17:24Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 17:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 17:25Lewis Howes?

  Then the greatest, you know, baseball players in the world fail 70% of the time, right? It's like they're failing constantly, but we celebrate them for their successes. And so I was never like ashamed to like miss a shot or fail because I knew it was just practice.

• 17:42Lewis Howes?

  And I always wanted success, so I wasn't afraid of success. I wanted success for the wrong reasons, though. And that's why I was upset and angry when I would accomplish it. And I didn't feel like, I felt like I needed more. Me too. But I was like, I want to accomplish success. I'm excited about it, so I'm not afraid of it. But I was afraid of judgment. I was afraid of the opinions of other people. And I was afraid of what people would say in front of my face, behind my face. Would they accept me? All these different things. When I ask people in a, in a big room, um, who's afraid of failure? Most people raise their hand and say, this is a fear of mine. And that's why they don't launch their book or their podcast, or they don't start speaking on stage, or they don't start a new career, or ask the person out. They're afraid to fail.

• 18:25Lewis Howes?

  And I ask people, okay, for everyone who's afraid of success, raise your hands. And almost equally amount of people raise their hand who are afraid of success. And I never understood it because I always wanted it. And over the last 10 years, I started to ask why. There is a, there's a documentary called The Weight of Gold. Okay. I want people to watch this at some point because it's about Olympic gold medalists who go depressed, commit suicide, have overdoses, within like six months or a year after they win the gold. If we do not prepare ourselves for success, it could cripple us. And the pressure of, okay, now friends and family want more from you.

• 19:05Lewis Howes?

  I know you are extremely wealthy and you've had to deal with probably lots of people asking for things all the time. Can you give me money? Can you help me with this? Can you do this for me? And in some ways, it's a great privilege to be generous and supportive to people. But when it feels inauthentic, you feel like people are taking advantage of you. And so that pressure of success is real and people don't want that responsibility. They're afraid of that pressure leaning into it. I always wanted it. Um, but when I started to accomplish, I started to notice, oh, yeah, I don't like some of these things that come with it as well. So I have to learn how to manage it. But it was the fear of judgment which always crippled me. So I was extremely self-critical of everything. Even when I broke the world record, even when I was a two-sport All-American,

• 19:47Lewis Howes?

  even when I played the USA handball team, even when I hit my first million dollars after I was broke, I was so self-critical because at the root cause of all three of these fears is I am not enough. Gosh. And the I am not enough-ness will destroy us. It will hold us back from our truest gifts, from expressing our love, from being generous, from being open. And that's the thing that I had to learn how to heal. Why do I not feel enough? No matter what I accomplish, I still don't feel enough. Why am I never satisfied with me? It was never about the accomplishments. It was always back to the root of me. I don't feel enough. I don't feel lovable is what it really is.

• 20:30Lewis Howes?

  And I need to accomplish more in order for others to love and accept me. But really, at the end of the day, I did not love and accept myself. And when we can learn the art of loving and accepting ourselves authentically for all of our flaws and all of our beauty, that's when we can start stepping into true greatness.

• 20:49Ed Mylett?

  Louis, I feel like you just described me.

• 20:52Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 20:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, yeah. You know, um, bro. Wow.

• 21:01Lewis Howes?

  Tell me, tell me more.

• 21:01Ed Mylett?

  Well, uh, I don't even know that I have fixed that yet. I'm not sure. I think I've made progress on it. But this notion of, cause what you just said, fear of failure? Nah, not too much. And people say I'm afraid to succeed. I've always thought, and there's just people are different on their experience. Like, why would you be afraid of success?

• 21:18Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 21:19Ed Mylett?

  But fear of judgment? Holy smokes. I almost feel like you've created a new category that maybe if people really analyze it, a lot of us fit into that one.

• 21:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 21:27Ed Mylett?

  If you have a fear of failure, is it the failure you're afraid of? Or the judgment that would come with the failure? And so when I looked at category three, I'm reading the book the other night. Cause you gave it to me maybe a week ago, two weeks ago. I'm like, oh, man, fear of failure. It's like this old school's fear of success. Yeah, fear of judgment. Oh, boy, he's on to something right here. And it is exactly what you just said. I am not enough. I'm not, and if you go even a little bit deeper, it's what you said. I had our mutual friend that you introduced me to, Leanne Rimes on my show. And I finally said during the interview, you know what my issue is? I can give love to people. I don't allow myself to feel loved. And she said the same thing. And it's weird for two big dudes that are accomplished, you know, two guys sitting here to share this. But I think it's powerful that we are.

• 22:08Ed Mylett?

  I'm still not sure right now that that's not something that needs more exploration for me. That I'm still, and I wonder it with you too. Is there a little bit, maybe it's, maybe I've made progress and it's reduced. But there are a lot of moments, if I'm being real, where I should be experiencing more joy than I do from something. I should be experiencing more love than I allow myself to experience. And it's pretty obvious to me that that's probably because my dad was an alcoholic and I probably lacked a little bit of that and all that anxiety. But you are on to something so huge here, which is the next thing you have in there, which is the dream killer, which is called self doubt. I feel like judgment and self doubt are sort of related somehow. Do you?

• 22:52Lewis Howes?

  I think self doubt is the killer of all dreams and that's why I love you and your message because you instill so much belief in people. You you give people belief by your presence, by just your way of being. It's so powerful. And and I think the whole game is learning how to believe in ourselves. That is the game of life, I think. It's what allows you to accomplish any goal you want, the more belief you have. And I love your definition of, you know, self esteem and self belief. This concept is really being your word. You know, you've heard you say this a lot of times, like when you can live to your word and be that. And honor it or take responsibility when you're not with your word and take responsibility for that as well.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  You start to become more believable to yourself and others believe you as well. You've become a credible person to yourself and others and that attracts more things. So self doubt for me is the is the killer of dreams. And I think I wanted to ask you another thing to follow up on that.

• 23:50Ed Mylett?

  The interview in your always comes out.

• 23:52Lewis Howes?

  I know. Well, I'm just curious because I wanted to ask you about, do you worry more about the judgments of other people? Or do you worry more about the judgments of yourself about you?

• 24:02Ed Mylett?

  I think it's moved from other people to me. And I think that was probably the cause the whole time. So it was easy for me to worry about, what are they going to say? What are they going to believe? What if I fail here? Opinions of others.

• 24:17Ed Mylett?

  But I feel like that's more the symptom if I'm being, I'm just answering you right now on the moment, on the fly. I think the disease is me not believing I'm worthy of it.

• 24:25Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:25Ed Mylett?

  Um, I was talking to a mutual friend of ours that you're about to go see and we were both describing to each other today. He's a very successful guy, that I still have a lot of imposter syndrome at 50 years old and, and this dude has no reason to have any either, and he has it, and I think even sometimes I see this in you. Now, part of me thinks that's driven me to do extra work and prepare more.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:48Ed Mylett?

  And that might work when you're starting, but it's a painful way to live your life.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  Exhausting later, too.

• 24:52Ed Mylett?

  It's exhausting. I mean, I'm so glad you're saying that because don't you feel that way that if I don't, and I would like you to unpack that thing, I want to go back a little bit and stay there for a minute. This idea of working on healing oneself and loving oneself.

• 25:07Ed Mylett?

  Man, everybody listen to me. I know leveraging the dark side is a common thing and it does work and you should do it and there's a great space for it for a while.

• 25:16Lewis Howes?

  For a while.

• 25:17Ed Mylett?

  But if it's the only thing that moves you, don't you agree? It's just eventually miserable.

• 25:22Lewis Howes?

  It's exhausting after a while.

• 25:23Ed Mylett?

  It's exhausting, right?

• 25:24Lewis Howes?

  And I think, and I think, you know, we all have our own hero's journey to fall on that dark side. You know, early to push us, it's a driver to overcome something, right? But I think we've got to learn how to mend and heal at some point. Otherwise, it's going to constantly be exhausting and feel I'm not enough or this is, I'm always fighting something.

• 25:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 25:43Lewis Howes?

  I'm always trying to fight and that was most of my life was a fight. Everything was a fight.

• 25:47Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  Relationship, competition, sports, business, it's all like a fight.

• 25:51Ed Mylett?

  Fight.

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  And it's exhausting.

• 25:53Ed Mylett?

  But you end up not winning.

• 25:54Lewis Howes?

  Never.

• 25:55Ed Mylett?

  Never.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  And the people around you don't win either, so it's a lose-lose battle.

• 25:59Ed Mylett?

  Mm.

• 26:00Lewis Howes?

  And there might feel like there's certain moments of success, but it's a lose-lose. And so my emotional coach, I started this journey two years ago with her. And I've been healing, doing different healing modalities for 10 years. 10 years ago, I opened up about sexual abuse for the first time. It was about, Four months after I launched my podcast, right? So it's almost been 10 years since I started talking about that process. And I thought, man, okay, that took about two years to go through a process of healing that and talking about it in a, in a, in a safe environment where I felt like I can speak about this and it no longer triggers me or affects me or has power over me. Like I healed that memory and that wound. Now, it didn't mean I, but what I didn't, and I thought I was good.

• 26:45Lewis Howes?

  Cause I was like, okay, this is the main wound, but there's other stuff that I wasn't facing. And that's why I kept repeating patterns in relationships and intimacy and thinking, oh, I, I thought I healed this. But healing is not a, a one-time event. Healing is a journey and it's a constant process. You're in progress, right? You're, you're better than you were before.

• 27:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 27:06Lewis Howes?

  And I feel like I'm going to be healing for the rest of my life.

• 27:09Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  And constantly holding myself accountable because as you know, I'm sure things get you triggered from time to time. You feel like, oh, this person did this and I don't like it and there's a reaction. I think that's our normal competitive edge where it's like, I'm going to come back, I'm going to come at you.

• 27:24Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 27:25Lewis Howes?

  And that energy will fuel us to get results, but will not fuel us to get fulfillment. And so I've learned how to manage that energy and I still get triggered and reactive and all these things. I'm not like this perfect human, but I do emotional coaching every two weeks to get me back to a place of peace. So it just helps me integrate the lessons I'm learning, reflect on, oh, I went back into that place of pain. Let me keep integrating and keep healing. And just the more I practice it, like anything, the better it gets.

• 27:55Ed Mylett?

  It's so apparent because you give off an energy now that's really loving and kind. Like Louis does this thing when he hugs you. First off, he just swallows you up because he's massive, but he does this thing where he holds you a little bit longer than might be comfortable for you initially. And then you're like, this actually feels really good.

• 28:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, well, some people don't like it, but I also.

• 28:14Ed Mylett?

  No, I, I know exactly why you do it. And you're a hundred percent right. If we're just talking as brothers here, you can fix, you can think you've healed something, but if you haven't changed the patterns in which you live your life, like for example, when my dad got sober. He fixed the issue with drinking alcohol. But he still had the, what they call like the alcoholic's personality.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 28:35Ed Mylett?

  Right? Very obsessive, went to anger quickly.

• 28:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:38Ed Mylett?

  You know, would, would remove himself emotionally from situations, didn't listen, didn't pay attention very well. So the pattern stayed the same.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  He wasn't doing the drinking, but he was still the personality.

• 28:49Ed Mylett?

  That's exactly right. And I think that's an evaluation for everybody. And by the way, I think Louis and I would both tell you, there's a place to leverage a dark side. Hundred percent. A light that's just light all the time. Sometimes a little bit of the dark side makes the light side even brighter. But we're both telling you, you get to another side of this stuff and you have to bring you with you eventually.

• 29:07Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And our mutual friend, Dr. Joe Dispenza says, your personality becomes your personal reality.

• 29:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:14Lewis Howes?

  And so if you haven't, again, mended your personality that is fractured and causes you to be triggered or reactive or angry or lash out or close down or hold your heart back, then you're going to keep bringing that personal reality into your life. And so we've got to mend the, the things that caused us to have a certain personality that doesn't serve us or the people around us.

• 29:36Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  And I wanted to talk about success versus greatness. Because most of my life, I just wanted to be successful. And I was like, achieve, achieve, set a big goal, spend 10 years and do whatever it takes to make it happen. And that's what caused me to be angry after I'd accomplished it. And so I just set bigger goals. And I was like, okay, I'm still not enough, but I gotta make bigger goals. And what I realized is that I had success all wrong. I thought I wanted success, but what I really wanted was greatness. Because success alone is selfish in my mind at this stage. And maybe, maybe I'm off, but this is my thoughts.

• 30:11Ed Mylett?

  You're not off at all.

• 30:11Lewis Howes?

  Success by itself is selfish because it's about my goals and my dreams. Greatness is about including my goals and dreams in the service of those around me. Using them to impact my friends, family or communities in a positive way as well, so that they are elevated also. So it's including your goals, dreams and success, but also making it about others winning with you. For me, that's greatness versus success.

• 30:39Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh. We were at a thing recently with a group of people and it ended up, you had to leave and so we all sort of.

• 30:44Lewis Howes?

  So bummed I missed because I wanted to, I wanted to hear your message.

• 30:48Ed Mylett?

  It was good. It was good. But, um. We were all talking about after you left, the wisdom. This is interesting conversation, everybody, for me, because a lot of these, there's a few people in this world that like, I don't know. They're my friends, but also I look at them almost like my sons, because I know the impact they can make in the world, and you're one of them. Like, I'm so excited about the impact. This distinction that you just described on my show, no one has ever said to me in my life, the difference between success and greatness. And the picture you just painted is some of the most, is one of the most profound things anyone's ever said to me in my freaking life.

• 31:22Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 31:22Ed Mylett?

  Because I produced a lot of success in my life, and it wasn't until I got much later in my life, and I didn't know how to define it, and you just did. It's not what I wanted. I wanted greatness.

• 31:32Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:32Ed Mylett?

  And the more I moved towards what you've described as greatness, my fulfillment level, my peace, and ironically, the things that I thought I wanted success-wise, expanded exponentially.

• 31:44Lewis Howes?

  You made more money.

• 31:44Ed Mylett?

  Way more, way more. I wish someone would have told me this when I was young, and I'm so grateful that people are hearing this from you. There's just a part of me that's just very proud of you, because I'm seeing, I know this work and the difference that it could make. It's almost like it's elevating the conversation to a place it's not been, and that's why I'm so excited about what you're doing.

• 32:03Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate that. Before you go into the next thing, I wanted to, you know, you're someone, I think we met, what, five years ago, six years ago?

• 32:10Ed Mylett?

  Six years, maybe.

• 32:10Lewis Howes?

  I remember hearing about you six months before I met you, because, because I was at my friend's wedding on the lake that you have a house.

• 32:19Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Lewis Howes?

  And I go, whose house is that? Because it's like, literally right across from his, which is yours, and it's like, I was like, this is epic. And he goes, this guy, Ed Mylett, and I go, who? And he goes, I think he's kind of like in your space, like, you know, he's this entrepreneur, speaker, this guy. Uh, I mean, in a whole nother league than me, but yes, in the same field. And I go, I've never heard of this guy, never heard of Ed Mylett.

• 32:43Ed Mylett?

  That was right, but when I was becoming a public person.

• 32:45Lewis Howes?

  And I felt like I knew everyone in this space, or knew of.

• 32:48Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 32:48Lewis Howes?

  Like, I'm pretty in tune to like, who's putting out content and what's happening in the space, so I was like, I don't know who this guy is. And I think, you know, if I'm reflecting on it, it sounds like you were driven by success before that moment and then you started to have a transition period. And I think you told me, you know, you were speaking with Tony and other people that were like, hey, it's time to really give back and serve and put yourself out there as a public voice. And that sounds like when everything even went further for you because you said, I'm here to serve as well. And not that you weren't serving before, but you used your voice more.

• 33:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I didn't, I didn't want to be a public person. I didn't want to inconvenience myself and that's when he called me out on it. And the more I began to realize that if I thought I was inconveniencing myself in the service of others, now I'm stepping towards greatness. And you just described it and then that's when you and I have become, you know, such, such dear friends. And one of the ways to unpack it, I'm telling you guys, this isn't just like a Pollyanna like self-love book. There's stuff in here that is profound. And so one of the things you talk about to heal your past, to evaluate this judgment, fear of judgment. This is powerful because the quality of our life is the quality of the questions we're asking ourselves. And we have a pattern of asking ourselves the same unconscious questions all the time. And these questions you're internally asking yourself are usually about the judgment or your fears.

• 34:05Ed Mylett?

  You say on chapter 12, ask courageous questions. This is huge right here because we don't ever think about the questions we ask ourselves. We just sort of autopilot through our lives, same thinking, same stuff. But it starts to me oftentimes with the questions we ask ourselves.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely. And I think we, um, we get comfortable, we get safe. And it's hard to be courageous in our conversations with others and with ourselves. And one question that I reflect on a lot, and I know you think about this too, is, what is the action I can do today that my future self would be really grateful for? You know, what is the conversation I can do today to, that is going to be really painful, but on the other side, there's going to be, the other side, there's going to be a lot of growth and it's getting me closer to my dreams. What is the, you know, the things that I haven't risked enough that I've been resisting? That if I just lean into it, I'm going to have freedom on the other side.

• 35:01Lewis Howes?

  And I think a lot of us want peace, clarity and freedom, yet most of us don't have any of it. I didn't have it for a long time. I really didn't have peace, clarity and freedom until two years ago. And I started this emotional coaching. In the first session, she said, what is your intention with our coaching? I said, peace, freedom, and clarity. I've got a lot of results. I've got a business. I've got success, but I don't have those things. So, am I truly great if I can't feel peaceful? If I can't feel clear? And if I can't feel like a free man? Am I really great? No matter what I'm creating, no matter how many people I'm helping, I still don't feel like I have those things. So, the question for me was, what's it gonna take for me to feel them? What do I need to do?

• 35:47Lewis Howes?

  What's been holding me back from it? And really, how have I been abandoning myself? Where it causes me to feel trapped, not free and not clear? And that was the start of the journey of creating peace, freedom, and clarity. What do you mean by abandoning yourself?

• 36:05Lewis Howes?

  See, I was really good in sports, business, with my team and things like this. I would create boundaries. And I wouldn't abandon myself. But when it came to intimacy and relationships, I would give in to create peace. Because I lacked courage to say exactly what I wanted or what I needed. So, I did this multiple times where...

• 36:29Lewis Howes?

  And I don't blame any of the previous partners I had. I wished them all well. I chose poorly and I chose, and I stayed out of fear when I knew I should have left certain relationships. So, it's all my responsibility. But I lacked the courage to sit in a conversation with a previous partner when they were screaming at me. I lacked the courage to say, hey, this doesn't work for me. Hey, you can't do that. You can't scream at me. That doesn't work for me. That's not part of my values. And so, I would allow it to happen. And in fact, I would say, what can I do to... What can I do? How can I end this pain right now? You need to do this. You need to do this. Okay, I'll do it, even though it's not my value. I'll do it to make you happy and buy peace. But we cannot buy peace.

• 37:14Lewis Howes?

  We must be peace. So, I was not being peaceful in creating the boundary. I was abandoning myself to please another. And discounting all my values and my self-worth for one human being. And again, I don't blame anyone else. This was me choosing the relationship and then choosing to stay in relationships because I had this athlete mentality like I'm gonna make it work, I'm gonna do whatever it takes, I'm not, I'm gonna sacrifice everything to make you happy. And I was making myself miserable in the process and then just unconsciously repeating this time and time again in relationships. So again, I had yet to heal the wound. That's why I had a photo of my five-year-old self and went back and said, where's the meaning I need to make? So that I can create a bear, a boundary in my life.

• 38:00Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to give in, give in, give in to please one human being. Because pleasing one human being in, in the, in the effort of discounting your entire mission is doing a disservice to yourself, to your creator and to humanity. And that's what I was doing over and over again. So my energy was low and I was trying to create from a low energy space. As opposed to, hey, this doesn't work for me. Let's create alignment, let's create agreements. And move forward. And when I started to do that in a previous relationship, they didn't want that, they didn't want that alignment, that vision, those agreements. They wanted to be able to express how they wanted to express, which is fine with them, but that's not who I am.

• 38:39Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 38:39Lewis Howes?

  So I had to remove myself from that relationship. And start really mending and healing and saying, okay. That's why with Martha, it's been a beautiful experience and you got to meet her.

• 38:49Ed Mylett?

  She's amazing.

• 38:49Lewis Howes?

  Because from the beginning, I was like, this is my values, this is my vision, this is my lifestyle. This is what I will do, this is what I won't do. And I've been able to courageously stay in that space and just say, you know, she hasn't tried to cross boundaries or anything, but I've been able to say what I want. And live by those values and it's creates peace, freedom and clarity when I live up to that standard.

• 39:15Ed Mylett?

  Oh, boy. These last five minutes, boy, that's like rewind that one, listen to it again. There's everybody driving their car going, oh my gosh. I can relate to that. Holy smokes. All right, this is gonna get real deep between you and me, but people get to listen to it, okay?

• 39:28Lewis Howes?

  Bring it.

• 39:28Ed Mylett?

  You don't know I was going here today. So you've made a lot of, you use the word progress, so I'll say that word. Towards healing, towards greatness. And part of that is a spiritual journey. And one of the things that I'm gonna say it the way I believe it about you and you can correct me if I'm wrong. You haven't figured out yet completely spiritually where what you align with yet. You're pursuing it would be my my description of it. And if I'm wrong, you correct me. But the reason I ask you that question, you didn't know we were gonna go there today. Is that I think everyone thinks they have to have every single element of their life figured out before they can experience some measure of peace. And I've watched you, you've had people from different religious backgrounds on. You go to one of my dear friends, Erwin McManus's church intermittently.

• 40:13Ed Mylett?

  You go there and I'm not here to talk about what you believe. But I want you to speak to the fact that part of greatness is what you just said is so profound. Sadhguru probably said that on your show and he did to me too, that we just need to be peace. We don't have to chase it. He said that to me about chasing happiness. He said, Ed, we don't have to chase it. We have to be it. We can access that at any time that we want. And so, but I want to ask you about that for a minute. That this notion of greatness is progress. Greatness is a journey that you don't have to have. I think sometimes people listen to me or others like they got it all figured out. I really hope I don't sound like that because I don't have it all figured out. And I don't know that I want to have it all figured out.

• 40:57Ed Mylett?

  I have other breaths in my body because of the exploration, the expansion of my being, the expansion of my understanding, the expansion of my deep seated beliefs in my life. So you're sort of in that journey too right now. Is that fair to say as a friend?

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent, yeah. I mean, I believe in a God. I believe there was a creator that created me in a in a beautiful image and likeness of love.

• 41:22Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 41:22Lewis Howes?

  And the goal is how do I stay in the frequency of love as frequently as possible?

• 41:30Lewis Howes?

  And that's been what I've been constantly focusing on. And I think when you experience pain or suffering or. Just challenges mentally and emotionally. We question things. You know, why am I feeling this? What's wrong with me? What? Why would God do this to me? Or whatever it is. And so my whole journey has been asking questions, being curious about life.

• 41:51Lewis Howes?

  And why I'm here? And I think a lot of us want to know why we're here.

• 41:54Ed Mylett?

  I think all of us want to know why we're here.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And um. And my goal really in the last two years is. Is understanding that I am love. I am a beautiful light. And I am here to serve. The creator of love.

• 42:12Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 42:13Lewis Howes?

  And to stay in that frequency as often as possible. And I'm constantly curious about lots of people of lots of different beliefs and faiths. Because I feel like everyone has a different perspective. So I'm always going to have a curious mind about that. And know that um, you know, I've got, it's funny because I've got a. A Catholic symbol on my chest. That my girlfriend gave me and I've got a Christian Science symbol. Which is the religion I grew up in, which the whole.

• 42:40Ed Mylett?

  Wearing them right now.

• 42:40Lewis Howes?

  Which the whole symbol uh is. How to heal yourself. That's the whole premise of Christian Science, which for those asking, it's different than Scientology's. Different concept, but it's about healing yourself.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  And I don't prescribe to either religion. You know, I don't prescribe to um. Mosaic necessarily is like, this is my faith, but I love. Messages and messengers who speak about love.

• 43:08Ed Mylett?

  And I love that you're in the greatness pursuit of it. For me in my life, my faith. Has been my source of peace.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 43:17Ed Mylett?

  Has been my source of love. And I'm proud of you for having the courage. To experience it and you're going to land where you land at some point. But I want everybody to know that a lot of this work that you're all doing. This is, I'm going to be honest. Is is leading to the ultimate question of all of these courageous questions with who am I?

• 43:39Lewis Howes?

  Who am I? Why am I here?

• 43:40Ed Mylett?

  Why am I here? And for me, the fact that at least in my life at my age, I I feel like that question for me. Has been answered in my faith. And for me, that's my salvation in the sense that for me, is a personal relationship we have with God. It's a personal decision. It's a personal acceptance or surrender. But for me, you know, I'm very much an energy guy. I'm very much a vibrational frequency guy. I love the quantum field. But to deny the existence of that to me would be to deny principles of the universe that would be like to deny gravity. Just in my case, there's a creator and that creator, as you know, is a Christian is Jesus. But that answer for me, that the underlying question

• 44:21Ed Mylett?

  of the greatness mindset is who am I and why am I here?

• 44:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:27Ed Mylett?

  And I'm proud of you because I've watched this profound. When I say you've made a transformation, it makes it sound like you really needed your. You were already a remarkable human being when I met you.

• 44:38Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 44:38Ed Mylett?

  To see someone who's already so remarkable, be so addicted to the expansion of their being and the understanding of their being and to be in the presence of someone who's doing that. And I think it's okay in life not to have every answer figured out.

• 44:52Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent.

• 44:52Ed Mylett?

  But to be curious in the pursuit of it is such a great way to live your life. And I would just encourage all of you in your way. You know, the answers I've come to, I'm, I'm, I'm, you know, very public about that. But to go find those answers in your life because it's, it's the ultimate answer.

• 45:10Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 45:10Ed Mylett?

  And it's the ultimate question.

• 45:12Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. And I feel like, you know, 10 years ago, I found healing in certain areas. And right now I feel like I've got more healing and more awareness based on mistakes and experience and time and lessons. And I'm sure in 10 years, you know, when I have kids and married and family, there's going to be new lessons to learn and new healing.

• 45:30Ed Mylett?

  There are.

• 45:31Lewis Howes?

  And so that's, you know, I'm excited about the journey.

• 45:33Ed Mylett?

  It's all right. And you ask questions, you guys just know, so you know, Louis is like so curious. He's always asking me questions about being a dad and, and being a husband. And he's not one yet and he's already preparing because he asks those courageous questions all the time. He's wanting to learn and just, I don't know why I'm getting emotional being with you. Cause I'm just so proud of you and.

• 45:50Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 45:51Ed Mylett?

  And I also just believe that as you're on this journey, like there's an ultimate place you're going to land. And I, I can't wait for that for you, wherever that is. So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time? That sweater that kind of just goes with everything? Or these perfect pair of pants? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high quality wardrobe staples with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. It's what I'm wearing right now. They give you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the price tag. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees and polos, and breathable activewear.

• 46:33Ed Mylett?

  Quality basics designed to work with your wardrobe and hold up to everyday wear. I love their cotton tees. I'm wearing one now and I get a ton of compliments when I wear them on the podcast and when I speak. So find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash ed. So you know, I've been trying to take my health and my morning routine to the next level. And I used to do a whole bunch of different stuff, tons of different supplements, and then I found all in one in a drink with IM8. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine, finally, once and for all.

• 47:14Ed Mylett?

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• 47:56Ed Mylett?

  This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 48:02Ed Mylett?

  But I want to ask you a tough, another tough question.

• 48:04Lewis Howes?

  Bring it.

• 48:05Ed Mylett?

  There's this notion of self-love. Yet, how does one dance with, I love myself and I'm enough, but yet, at the same time, people would say, "But wait a second, you're overeating and you're out of shape, or you're not making the contacts in your business you should, or you're not living in your relationship the way that you should." So, it's great that you love yourself and accept yourself, but there's a bunch of stuff you're doing right now that's really-

• 48:31Lewis Howes?

  That's out of alignment.

• 48:32Ed Mylett?

  That's out of alignment.

• 48:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:33Ed Mylett?

  So, how do you nuance that?

• 48:35Lewis Howes?

  When we get clear on our meaningful mission, which I think is like the foundation of all of this, we can start to ask ourselves every day, "Did I make the decisions today and did I live the behaviors today that served the meaningful mission or not?" And it's just a barometer to see if we're on the right path. You know, I've been, I've made a ton of mistakes in my life and I've, and some things I've done great and other things I haven't done great. And for me, it's just like, okay, I know that, notice the feeling, it doesn't feel right inside of me. So, if I keep doing this, I'm gonna get feedback in my life that support the things that I'm out of alignment with. I'm gonna have breakdowns, problems, health challenges, palpitations, whatever it is, that are feedback, that something is not in full alignment of the meaningful mission.

• 49:20Lewis Howes?

  That's why I think we gotta get clear in one sentence, what is the meaningful mission of our life in this season of life?

• 49:26Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 49:27Lewis Howes?

  And some people listening or watching might be in a season of, "I'm broke, just trying to get a job and figure out my life right now." Cool. I had that season on my sister's couch where I just wanted to make money to get off the couch and make my own apart, have my own apartment. That was my whole life mission, because I couldn't think beyond it. But if you're in a transition or a season of wanting to re-explore your life and maybe transition from a relationship or career or business, like there were a lot of people this last weekend who were kind of in transition that weren't clear.

• 49:56Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  They didn't know what their mission was. And you watched it just as I did, if you're not clear on a mission, you're, it's, it's, it doesn't matter how much money or success you have, or how comfortable your life is, you feel unfulfilled.

• 50:09Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 50:10Lewis Howes?

  And so when in my one sentence mission, meaningful mission is to serve and impact a hundred million lives weekly to help them improve the quality of their life.

• 50:18Ed Mylett?

  Perfect.

• 50:19Lewis Howes?

  It's, it's, it's clear for me what I'm trying to do. Now, there's certain mechanisms, mechanisms I could take that could support that mission, that cause. And I lean into my talents and my superpowers that support it the best way that I know. And so that I make decisions on a daily basis and I reflect the end of night and say, did I act in accordance of serving the mission appropriately?

• 50:43Ed Mylett?

  Very good.

• 50:43Lewis Howes?

  If I didn't, which I haven't many times in the past.

• 50:47Ed Mylett?

  Sure, me too.

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  I feel something's off. I don't sleep that well that night. I ruminate about it. Uh, you know, I've had conversations with you privately about like, huh, you know, I was out of integrity here and, and, and you get feedback in life. It's just the laws of physics. You do something out of integrity, it's gonna come back and hurt you personally or around you. It's gonna hurt you at some point in time. It's gonna affect you. It's gonna stay with you until you clear that energy in space.

• 51:12Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 51:12Lewis Howes?

  Until you own it and take full responsibility, until you mend it and heal and whatever you gotta do in that process. And so I reflect and say, did I do everything today on my calendar and in my schedule, which I, which you're a big schedule guy. I know you do three days in one day and in calendar and schedules for me, am I taking the actions that will serve the meaningful mission? And is it clear this is the best decision I can make today?

• 51:37Ed Mylett?

  Is the meaningful mission something that you saw as a through line with a lot of people in the school of greatness?

• 51:42Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent.

• 51:43Ed Mylett?

  That's one of the through lines.

• 51:44Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent. They were very clear on their vision. I call it a meaningful mission because it includes the service of others.

• 51:50Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 51:50Lewis Howes?

  I think people were clear on their vision of their goals and dreams and a lot of them included others, but not everyone.

• 51:56Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 51:57Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, so there's world champions that fell from grace because they weren't including others and so they didn't stay at top, on the top. The ones that stay on top, impact the people around them in a positive way. They bring them up and they stay up there. And so for me, it's about being so clear on that, so that you're guided by that. Now, it doesn't mean, now I'll give an example.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:17Lewis Howes?

  I also had a mission to be an Olympian and for eight years I represented the USA national team for a sport called Team Handball. They just had the world championships in Denmark this last week and I wasn't there and I haven't played in two years. But for eight years, I played in the Pan American Championships twice. I traveled to Israel, played against the national team there. I've traveled to the UK, Spain, played professionally for a while, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, Mexico, Canada. I traveled the world and played against Olympians. But even though my dream didn't come true of that mission. The experience was a dream come true.

• 52:58Lewis Howes?

  The lessons I learned, the people I met, the moments I have standing there with USA against my chest, holding my heart and singing the national anthem before international competition are memories that I will cherish forever. I'm getting chills thinking about it because those were dreams of mine to represent my country and play an Olympic sport and have a chance to go to the Olympics. And I did not accomplish the goal after eight years of sacrifice and traveling and working abroad. We're doing webinars from the middle of another country and trying to run my business while training with the USA team. I did not accomplish the goal I set out, but man, it was a dream come true.

• 53:41Lewis Howes?

  And I think we can also beat ourselves up so much with the results that we don't hit. As opposed to focus on who we become in the process of trying to achieve it. And so my, my first couple of books, I was so focused on the result. And I remember the second book, it didn't hit the New York Times bestseller list and I was kind of upset for like a week. There was a little bit of like, ah, anger and resentment if I'm being honest. Even though I knew I had a good intention that I want to serve men from that book and help people, but it's, hey, the competitive in me is like, ah, I want to hit that, right?

• 54:16Lewis Howes?

  And I can honestly say with this book, I am in so much peace in my heart that I'm like, the results are going to do whatever the results do. All I can focus on, and I know people say this all the time, but I truly feel it. All I could focus on is giving my best in each element of the process of the promotion of the book. All I can do is I wrote the best book I can write. I can be proud of the process and the product. I can't worry about the results. I can try to hit the results. But it's like everything I'm becoming and experiencing in the process is what I'm cherishing more now, and it was hard to do for a long time because I wasn't able to do that.

• 54:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, you're so right. I think of even people that are great in a sport, maybe they haven't lived a perfect life, but even like Tiger. Tiger is always talking about, I'm focusing on the process. I want to put myself in a position to win. He's not obsessed with necessarily winning.

• 55:05Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 55:06Ed Mylett?

  Getting in a position to win, doing the things that would cause him to win, the experience and the journey. So, meaningful mission, then we're going to finish with something that you didn't know we were going to go to. But meaningful mission in your life, you should ask yourself if you have one, and your recommendation of the book is that it should be able to be said in one sentence, correct?

• 55:21Lewis Howes?

  I think so, the clearer the better.

• 55:23Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  I think so.

• 55:24Ed Mylett?

  And I think if you don't have a meaningful mission, it's difficult to have a measurement. It's difficult to know what you're pursuing. It's difficult to have a barometer to make decisions in your life.

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 55:33Ed Mylett?

  And so I completely acknowledge that.

• 55:36Lewis Howes?

  And I love, and I love for people watching or listening to, you know, send you a message and tag you over on Instagram and say,

• 55:41Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 55:42Lewis Howes?

  "Here's my meaningful mission in one sentence." And maybe you can give some feedback to people of like, "Okay, that's cool, I'll work on this."

• 55:48Ed Mylett?

  I would love that.

• 55:48Lewis Howes?

  But if you're listening or watching, like, send Ed a message on Instagram and just say, "In one sentence, here's my meaningful mission." You can either write it and send a photo, you can send a video, but send Ed a message with your meaningful mission.

• 56:00Ed Mylett?

  I would love that, everybody, and I'll get back to you as best I can because we're going to get a bunch of them. There's other things in the book, guys, that I want you to get this book about accepting the challenge and defining your greatness goals. And there are two things that I want to finish with, because I don't think enough people do this, and it's all over the place if they were willing to do it. You talk about enlisting support, and one of the things that always makes me very embarrassed when I get introduced somewhere is like that somehow I have some, something someone else doesn't have. And I'm like, "If you knew all the freaking people who helped me, that supported me along the way, I would be lost without other human beings."

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:37Ed Mylett?

  And other humans have been so good. By the way, I've had a lot of humans hurt me too, so have all of you. And sometimes when that happens, we form this belief that that's all humans. But there's been these other precious humans in my life that have supported me.

• 56:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:55Ed Mylett?

  In, in, in long-term and short-term. Some of them were just in one moment. But you talk about in the book about enlisting support that you're not alone in your life or the pursuit of your life. My faith informs me that this is true, like we talked about earlier. So touch on that and then I want to finish with.

• 57:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I just think, you know, I never did anything, you know, I never accomplished anything without great coaches and great teammates as an athlete. You couldn't have accomplished your athletic career success without the teammates you had around you, your coaches, your parents, your friends, the fans cheering you on. All these things wouldn't have happened without so many people involved. And I looked at my life as a sport after athletics where I said, I need great coaches. I need great mentors with a model that I can mimic. I need this process because I can't do it all on my own. And I, and I think it's, it's twofold. It's enlisting support and having the courage to reach out and ask for support. And it's also being willing to acknowledge yourself for all the hard work and everything you've overcome. So I think a lot of people discount themselves too much.

• 57:56Lewis Howes?

  When they get acknowledged, and I know you are a master at the art of acknowledgement. It's something that I love about you so much that you acknowledge everyone in your life so consistently and, and openly.

• 58:08Ed Mylett?

  You do too.

• 58:09Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. I, I modeled it from you. And for me, a lot of us struggle receiving compliments, receiving. It's like the self-awareness around the actual effort and the actions that we're taking. We discount it too frequently as human beings. And I think we get to practice just receiving and saying, thank you. It's just leaving it at that. We don't have to, ah, but it wasn't anything. And I used to do that a lot.

• 58:38Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 58:39Lewis Howes?

  Right? Well, no, I could have done better or it's like just receive and say, thank you so much. I appreciate it. You don't have to boast about it. You don't have to discount it. Receive and say, thank you. And I think if we can start to acknowledge everything we've overcome and everything we've created as well as the support of others, that's when there's some beautiful harmony in life and you start to attract more.

• 59:00Ed Mylett?

  You're so right. You know, I don't even know when it happened, but I started finally just going, and my, my intuition is like, no, no, no, you know, and that's. That thing with me not wanting to feel love. Like if I accept that I really worked hard here and you saw it, I might feel love for a second here. And that's not my pattern.

• 59:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:17Ed Mylett?

  And so.

• 59:17Lewis Howes?

  And that hasn't gotten me here.

• 59:18Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 59:19Lewis Howes?

  Not feeling loved made me force, force myself to get the results I'm getting. So I can't receive love because it's not going to give me the drive anymore.

• 59:25Ed Mylett?

  Brother.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  So we gotta learn how to drive from a place of service, of a place of a meaningful mission to impact the world. Not because I'm not enough and I need to feel enough and I, but if you tell me I'm enough, then I'm not gonna drive as much.

• 59:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. Yeah, brother, you're, I just, I just love it because that's exactly why I didn't do it. I'm like, no, this is sort of kind of worked for me.

• 59:45Lewis Howes?

  It's what got me you here.

• 59:46Ed Mylett?

  It got me here. It got me success without fulfillment. It got me success without greatness. And a lot of times in our life, we're like, if I let go of that one thing intuitively, you know you should, this behavior. Maybe it's that you're so demanding and angry with people like, yeah, but I, that's why I won. Or I've neglected my family, but that's why I'm wealthy. It's probably in spite of that, but you've created a pattern that's convinced yourself that it's true.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  And, and you know, I didn't mean to cut you off there.

• 1:00:11Ed Mylett?

  No, you didn't.

• 1:00:12Lewis Howes?

  You know

• 1:00:14Lewis Howes?

  that the secret to life is relationships.

• 1:00:16Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:00:16Lewis Howes?

  And, and the secret to successful relationships is vulnerability and showing up for other people. And there's a lot of people that, that in the public eye who love to have a chip on their shoulder and talk about the chip on their shoulder and sports specifically. And you see later in their life how it helped them become champions over and over again, but then they go through divorce.

• 1:00:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Lewis Howes?

  Then their kids don't speak to them. Then they have heart attacks or whatever it might be. So yes, it drives people to accomplish. But if we aren't living in a relationship world and serving the people around us while first serving and supporting the inner child in front of us that, that needs that love, then we're gonna miss out.

• 1:00:58Ed Mylett?

  Brother, you're so right. You and I are privileged to know, uh, many of those people.

• 1:01:02Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:01:03Ed Mylett?

  And if they knew behind the scenes, you'd be like, you may think that stuff worked for them. But if life is a bliss, happiness and peace game, they lost.

• 1:01:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:11Ed Mylett?

  And you're a hundred percent right.

• 1:01:15Ed Mylett?

  Speaking of relationships, my last question to you is about your dad.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Ed Mylett?

  And you lost your dad recently, like I lost mine. And um my relationship with my dad wasn't perfect. And even after my dad got sober, even though he was my best friend, I think sometimes the people are like, and then it was happily ever after all the time.

• 1:01:37Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't.

• 1:01:37Ed Mylett?

  It's real life.

• 1:01:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Ed Mylett?

  And these relationships we have with family or the people that raised us are so informative to who we become. They're so informative in the patterns we create towards the pursuit of our greatness or the lack thereof. And I know enough to know that you lost your dad before you lost your dad.

• 1:02:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Ed Mylett?

  And then even before you lost your dad, there was a relationship there. How did losing your father the first time, if you can tell everybody, I know, but I want them to know until you actually physically lost him? And even probably, how did that? How has it impacted you? How has it made you wiser? How has it caused you to reflect on your own life? And like I know for me, man, when my dad passed away, I'm like, wow, I guess my time's limited too.

• 1:02:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Ed Mylett?

  You know, like people die. I think I used to think everyone else died. But not like, but not my mom and dad, not me. Like, I think, I know it sounds nuts, but like, I didn't live as if it was gonna end at some point. How did your relationship with your dad overall, tell them about it and impact your life?

• 1:02:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, my dad was extremely loving human being, but had a lot of anger too, kinda similar to your dad. So he showed me he loved me a lot. But he, but I also feared him immensely. Until he started to have a transformation when I was about 13, 14 years old, he started to do a lot of his own healing. And then I had a different relationship with my father. So the first 13 years. He would tuck me in bed and tell me he loved me and, and say the Lord's Prayer every night with me. Uh, you know, he would come home after a long day at work and, you know, play catch in the backyard. He would make time for me. He would take me to places. He would support me, coach me, all those things.

• 1:03:29Lewis Howes?

  But he and my mom never had a really good relationship. So there was always fear and uncertainty at home when they were around. It's like when they weren't around, I felt peaceful. When they were around, they just didn't know how to model love well to each other. But they both loved us, right? Us kids.

• 1:03:47Lewis Howes?

  So it was just kinda confusing. And when I left home at 13, I begged my parents to send me away to private boarding school because I didn't feel in a good space at home.

• 1:04:01Lewis Howes?

  And my old, my, I was the youngest of four, so my older siblings were kinda all off to college and out of the house. And I was just like, I don't wanna be here. And I also didn't have good friendships. I was just kind of an awkward kid and struggled. And I begged them to send me away. And the day, and for the whole summer, I begged them and they finally agreed at the end of the summer to send me away. They didn't want me to go. I begged them to leave. The day I left, I felt like a sense of like peace not being around them. I still miss them, but I was like, I don't want this stress, right? This kind of underlying fear and tension of their inability to love each other to affect me anymore.

• 1:04:40Lewis Howes?

  They just didn't have the tools. So I don't blame them. It's just, it is what it is. They got married when they were 19, had a kid right away. It's just they didn't know. My dad started to go through a healing journey around that time. And it was like, he was the most loving, generous, kind human being for the next, I guess, six, seven years, right? Until he got into a, a car accident where a car came through his, the SUV came on top of his car. The, the bumper came through the windshield and hit him in the head. He was in a coma for three months. He was, you know, they opened up the car, they airlifted him out in a helicopter to a hospital. He was on a vacation with his then girlfriend at the time. My parents got divorced many years prior to this.

• 1:05:26Lewis Howes?

  And

• 1:05:28Lewis Howes?

  We didn't know if he was gonna live or die. I got the news the night before a football game when I was playing in college football. And I remember thinking like, I have no idea, we didn't know if he was alive. That was the thing. He was in a coma, we didn't know. I was like, should I play, should I not play, like? What would my dad want me to do? He was like, I was thinking he'd want me to play, you know?

• 1:05:52Lewis Howes?

  The second to last game, or the second to last play of the game, I get, I catch a ball and I get speared by a helmet right in the ribs and I break three ribs. And I'm thinking, my season's over. My dad, I don't know if he's alive still. My season's over, I just broke three ribs. What now? I end up having a pretty miraculous healing and recovery, based on my faith actually. And my, I healed my three ribs, based on my, the faith of my religion, and I went into my practice.

• 1:06:23Lewis Howes?

  My dad was in a coma for the whole season, in New Zealand. And I couldn't fly the first few weeks because of the, the injury. And so I decided to stay, my sisters went, and I was like, okay, he's not waking up, what do I do? He probably want me to keep playing, I think. So that was the only thing I did. I played the whole season. He comes back, three months later after the season. And he can't speak, he can barely walk. And he just looked like a different guy. So he, I'm expecting him to come back and have this full recovery. I'm hoping that he remembers everything. A year, two, three, five years go by, ten years go by, fifteen years go by. He can walk and talk, but he has no drive.

• 1:07:07Lewis Howes?

  He can't work anymore, he sits at home every day and watches movies. When I see him, he says, "What's your name again?" "You can, you can speak." But he'd be like, "Didn't you used to play football? Where'd you go to school again?" So we could have a conversation, but he didn't have his memories. So it was so painful to be in front of my father, who I loved and, and cared about deeply. Who I felt like was just getting started in his life after starting this healing journey and, and having a new kind of lease on life. And he was an amazing father at this point. For the previous six years, he was like a transformed, loving, human being.

• 1:07:46Lewis Howes?

  But he was also a crutch for me because he had a life insurance business that he'd built up for 33 years with Northwestern Mutual, his own independent like office in a small town, Delaware, Ohio, and he just grinded for 30 plus years to finally like make enough money where he could like do stuff.

• 1:08:05Lewis Howes?

  And I saw him work so hard for so long to like then have like some, some money to like play with and travel and buy a new car. He never had a new car. He always had like 20 year old cars and just lived that life. So I saw him enjoying his life fully for the first time for about five, six years.

• 1:08:22Lewis Howes?

  And he always said, hey, listen, go chase your dreams. Go live every dream you have. I support you. He would pay for training and coaches, whatever it was to like be the best athlete I could be. Go. And when you're done, you can come back and work for me. So it was always kind of like, come back and I'll teach you up and you can take over the business one day type of mentality.

• 1:08:42Lewis Howes?

  And I remember doing an internship for a summer and I was just like, I don't think this is for me. You know, it's not my thing. I could do it, but it's not like my destiny. And I think his accident and then my injury after pursuing, you know, playing professional football and getting injured and breaking my wrist.

• 1:08:59Lewis Howes?

  I was really kind of in a, in a dark space for about a year and a half, just trying to figure out like, who am I? Asking these courageous questions. Who am I? Why did this happen? Yeah. Is my dad ever going to come back around? And having to kind of accept after about four years that he may never be the person he once was and loving him for who he is now, which was extremely hard because he didn't really want to be around us. I'd go visit him and after an hour he'd be like, I'm tired, leave. I remember you telling me. Because before that, he, all he wanted to do is like shower us with love and be around us and encourage us. And he was like this cheerleader celebrating us. So it's hard to have that and then see a guy that you know wants to do that, but the brain trauma, it just affected his brain so much where he wasn't able to do it anymore. And

• 1:09:44Lewis Howes?

  kind of grieving a little bit of that, but accepting it and just experiencing it for 17 years was just painful. I don't know what else to say. It was painful. But what it did for me is it made me live in extreme urgency. It made me so focused on my life and overcoming every insecurity and every fear. Cause I didn't want to live in regret. And I realized this could be taken away from me at any moment. Like he wasn't planning on having this injury that day. And it happened and it changed his life forever. And I was just like, I never want to let my fear hold me back from pursuing something. That's why I moved to New York City to pursue a dream of making the Olympics. I go, if this dream is in me, I gotta at least try it.

• 1:10:27Lewis Howes?

  And if it doesn't work out, at least I tried and I gave it a full effort. I mean, I went all in on it, man. I went to Spain and played professionally for a while. I was traveling the country, I was traveling the world, investing so much in the dream. And again, the dream didn't come true, but it was a green, a dream come true experience. And I don't have regrets thinking, ah, what it would have been like to go try to make the USA national team and play in the Olympics. My dad gave me that gift through his injury. He also gave me the gift of, like, I had to grow up as a man that day. And I didn't have his guidance, I didn't have his mentorship, I didn't have his money supporting me. I didn't have his home, I didn't have anything to fall back on.

• 1:11:10Lewis Howes?

  And it was probably the greatest lesson because I don't think I would have ever been an entrepreneur. I don't think I would have ever launched the show, written books. I don't think I would have cared about humanity the way I do if his accident didn't happen. And the funny thing is, I don't think I've ever told this. I saw him two days before he left for this trip. We were at a family camp, a YMCA camp in Ohio.

• 1:11:33Lewis Howes?

  And we do this every year as a family and go there. And it's kind of like you just play games and hang out and go on the lake and stuff like that. And there was something off about my dad. He was sitting by himself on a couch in kind of the mess hall where you eat lunch and dinner. And he was sitting there alone on a couch. And I went over to sit next to him and he just looked like something was off. And I don't think I've ever shared this publicly, but I sat next to him, I go, Dad, are you excited about your trip? Cause he was gonna go on this trip with his girlfriend to New Zealand. I said, are you excited? He goes, I'm really excited. I go, what are you excited about? He said, I'm excited to have a spiritual journey. And I get kind of like just chills thinking about it because.

• 1:12:11Lewis Howes?

  I go, what do you mean a spiritual journey? He goes, I'm really excited to dive into my faith and dive into like, you know, the Bible. And there's another book in Christian science called the Science and Health with the Key to the Scriptures, which is kind of like a complimentary book about the science of the Bible. The science of Jesus, how these things happened based on science. He goes, I'm really excited to dive into my faith and dive into my books and like dive in deeper into my faith. But something just felt weird, like he just had an energy. It's almost like he knew this was gonna happen. But I, and I sensed like something was off and I was just like, I'm really excited for you, Dad. It's gonna be a great trip. And it was just so weird because I'd never seen him have this energy ever before this moment.

• 1:12:57Lewis Howes?

  And then it made sense later. And I really think, um, you know, all of us kids had to have that experience for all of our own individual

• 1:13:05Ed Mylett?

  Reasons.

• 1:13:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, reasons. And there's no way that I would have had the courage to do what I'm doing. Cause I didn't know, I didn't think I was gonna be an entrepreneur. I didn't know how to make money. I didn't think anyone paid me for anything. But it almost forced me to be so courageous on everything. And I think if I had him as a, as a backup plan or a safety net, I don't think I would have taken action the ways that I have in these last 15 years. And I don't think that I would care deeply about people the way I do if that didn't happen. So in some ways, his greatest pain and the greatest struggle I went through was also my greatest gift.

• 1:13:41Ed Mylett?

  Brother, one of the best stories of all time.

• 1:13:44Lewis Howes?

  Thanks.

• 1:13:45Ed Mylett?

  And I'm really glad we went there today.

• 1:13:50Ed Mylett?

  There's a million lessons from your dad for you in your journey and your life.

• 1:13:58Ed Mylett?

  One of them, just to consider, is that, um, maybe you're supposed to finish that for him.

• 1:14:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:05Ed Mylett?

  Maybe he never got to finish that spiritual journey and maybe that's the one you're really on, which is what we talked about earlier.

• 1:14:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:11Ed Mylett?

  Maybe that's the one you're really on. And I just have that feeling. And I think all of these ripple effects from that experience of, thank God you got those good years with him. And how remarkable it is to me to know that now that your dad's passed and he's in heaven, he has all the understanding.

• 1:14:26Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:14:27Ed Mylett?

  And that maybe for the first time, he actually knows who you've become.

• 1:14:30Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:14:31Ed Mylett?

  And to think that this little boy, this little Lewis Howes growing up, who had these just totally unfair things happen to him that should never happen to a little boy. And then to have the strife in your home, plus the situation that happened with you with the abuse. Then to at least get good five or six good years with your dad, then to lose him. And then to have this journey that was all your own of all the healing you had to do. And the fact that your dad's passed away recently, he's got to heaven and now he's realized who his son's become.

• 1:14:56Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:14:57Ed Mylett?

  Millions of people's lives you've changed, bro.

• 1:14:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:59Ed Mylett?

  It's pretty awesome. And maybe the last part of that journey is that he didn't get to finish that after those two days. Maybe it's yours to finish.

• 1:15:06Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:15:06Ed Mylett?

  And that was the middle of the interview. That's why I know now why I asked you that question. So. I just absolutely am so freaking proud of you.

• 1:15:13Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:15:14Ed Mylett?

  And I love you so much.

• 1:15:15Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 1:15:16Ed Mylett?

  And you're such a great force for greatness now in the world. And by the way, everybody. So is this book, The Greatness Mindset by Lewis Howes. You need to go get this book right now. You can tell from the spirit of this man, he just, uh. He's elevated himself, his understanding of himself and life to a place that there's a lot to learn from him. Real grateful for you, bro.

• 1:15:42Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, brother. I appreciate it. We're all on the journey, man. The great, the journey to greatness is just beginning. You know, I feel like it's. You and I have learned so much, but it's like, we're still at the beginning.

• 1:15:52Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:15:52Lewis Howes?

  Every day.

• 1:15:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:53Lewis Howes?

  And that's why I love that we just keep asking questions and seeking out wisdom from so many people. So.

• 1:15:59Ed Mylett?

  Well, I love that you call it a journey. It's not a destination. That's for darn sure. You know, man, I'm really grateful that. On some level, we're on this journey together.

• 1:16:08Lewis Howes?

  Me too, man.

• 1:16:09Ed Mylett?

  You know, and that we're gonna spend our lives doing this together. Hey, guys. Tommy, this wasn't a good one today. This was so good. Looking back in the back and everybody's all excited, so I love you.

• 1:16:21Lewis Howes?

  Love you too, brother. Thanks, Ed.

• 1:16:22Ed Mylett?

  Go get the book, everybody. Hey, when you're grabbing it, grab another Power of One More. Goes good as a good tandem. And please share this. This is one of these today. I have a feeling I don't have to ask you guys to share, but if you would share, I sure would appreciate it because there's someone's life who could be so impacted by what Lewis shared with all of us today. So please share. God bless y'all. Max out your life. This is the Ed Mileage Show.