Ep 603 - GEY DOT COM (feat. Tim Butterly & Mike Rainey)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Mike & Tim @ https://www.patreon.com/dadmeatpodcast Mike @ https://www.patreon.com/getinsomehead Tim @ https://www.patreon.com/timbutterly Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Tim Live @ https://linktr.ee/timbutterly Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live yo0o0ooo. What's up guys. Got the day 1 broskis in matt HQ for the cast this week. We love Mike and Tim very much - please check out everything they're doing. Check out Dad Meat, Tim Butterly's Show, Get in Some Head, and Lil Stinkers. Also go check out gay.com. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Ah, welcome to the motherfucking podcast. Yeah, thank you.

• 0:09Speaker 02

  Sean, did you get that?

• 0:10Matt McCusker?

  I had a nice moment. I had old Nate with me this weekend and we were in, it was either Pittsburgh or Cleveland. But like, when you come out at the little theater, there's, you can see the people on the sides are already seated. So I always scope the stage and people will see you. And there's this one guy from the balcony went.

• 0:32Matt McCusker?

  From backstage, which I was like, that's nice. Nice moment of connection. Pretty much ended the male loneliness epidemic. Just two guys going.

• 0:42Matt McCusker?

  Two forty year old men.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  You never see Chalamet doing that to anybody.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  Chalamet could probably toss one of these. I mean, it's such, it might be, if I have to go through every hand gesture you can possibly do to somebody, this might reign supreme.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  You think that's a threat or just like an acknowledgement?

• 1:00Matt McCusker?

  It's just like one party, bro, to another. So yeah, I totally don't. I mean, it could be a threat. If you see a guy with his girlfriend, you go. Then it'd be like, bro, I'm on a date. What the fuck, man? I don't know what the guy was doing. He's out of hand. Soon as your girlfriend or wife turns around, you go back and go.

• 1:24Matt McCusker?

  Well, god damn it, dude. Mike, Randy, Tim, Butterly, thank you guys.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Good to be back, man. I love talking pussy gestures with you guys.

• 1:29Matt McCusker?

  Pussy gestures is amazing. I called, uh, I called Rainey recently just to talk shop. Cause I'm gonna come do dad meet and I think two weeks when I get back from spring break. Spring break forever.

• 1:43Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna go visit family.

• 1:46Matt McCusker?

  And, uh, and, um, now I'm talking to Rainey and I was telling Rainey.

• 1:54Matt McCusker?

  Yo, nicotine, that's not bad. That's too much. They flip you. Yeah, they, it takes a while. Whatever like sensitive stuff you need. No, no, I'm telling you, whatever. Those like little villi or whatever in your esophagus all have to die. So you can do nicotine tablets. I can't hang, man. They're rough. You might get kinda horny too. My heart's pounding right now. Dude, I gave one to my brother at a wedding. He goes, dude, I got like bricked up.

• 2:17Matt McCusker?

  I don't feel like anything like that. So I'm watching Conninga, so I'm good. True, true. This is a true test. So we, I was talking to Rainy, I don't even know how we got on the subject. I probably brought it up honestly, but I was talking about Tim about, um, just like going to Vegas. What are we talking, how do we, how do we get on the subject?

• 2:34Speaker 02

  About, uh, jacking in hotel rooms?

• 2:36Matt McCusker?

  Probably was jacking in hotel rooms. That's probably how we got on to this, but I was, I was telling him like, dude, like every, last time I was in Vegas, it happens to me every time I'm in Vegas. I don't like Vegas. I don't want to be there. You know, I just, I don't like it. I'm sorry. I don't like the city, but there is also a part of me, and this is probably why I don't want to be there. Is like, whenever I'm going to the airport, I'll pass those like real seedy, like shitty motels, next to like a fucking porn shop in a strip club. And I'm like, just let me fucking beast down. Let, give me three months, dude. I'm just like cargo shorts, white feeder flip flops. Dude, just live in this, like a shitty motel in Vegas and grow tusks. Hmm. Come back.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, every guy should have to leave in a Las Vegas treatment. At least for like a, like a summer camp.

• 3:22Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I passed him and I gotta be honest, there's a part of me, I would never do it. But there's part of me being like, you'd love to just park it in there for a few months. Park it in there. Long-term wholesale stay. Be a pig. And what I was telling Rainy is Rainy's like, oh yeah, like, oh, you're gonna, you're gonna throw up.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Throw up in the plant.

• 3:39Matt McCusker?

  He'll get you. Take, drink some darn water. Drink some darn water. What the hell, dude? You're getting the hiccups. That's step two to throwing up.

• 3:49Matt McCusker?

  I told you. I can't do oral nicotine. It's crazy. How do you live like that? You gotta get used to it, man. You gotta, you gotta, you know, you gotta slowly put, you know, slowly put the, uh, You want me to pat your back? The D. And I was trying to think of a thing. I almost called it something else. I'm like, that wouldn't actually sound real, sound good. I was gonna shorten nicotine and call it, the shortened nicotine D. And I was like, that might come off on the podcast.

• 4:14Matt McCusker?

  The, uh, yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  It'd be nice waking up every day in the shitty motel.

• 4:17Matt McCusker?

  Shitty motel. Porn shop. And that's what's on Rainy, because I think where our philosophy is diverged in being a total pig in a shitty motel in Las Vegas. He was like, yeah, just like completely pig out. I was like, no, I would get. In the best shape of my life in there, like prison. I'll get in. These are two different prison philosophies. Exactly. Exactly. You might go the way of indulgence in terms of comfort. Yeah. I would train harder than ever and be like a jacked, sicko pervert, bringing lunch to strippers at like 11:30. And I'd bring them healthy stuff. I'd bring the strippers like healthy food. Yeah. That's every time I'm in Vegas, I order healthy meals. I'm like, this is just me and prostitutes and strippers eating this food. Only people getting an acai bowl in Las Vegas. Just me and Dominican prostitutes.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, acai is like hooker fu.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this is a fun exercise to do in Vegas is just stop randomly in your travels in the street and then see how quickly you can get to a vegetable. And it's.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Like perform a vegetable, like no arms, no legs, like.

• 5:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah. See how long it takes for you to, to find a guy with a wheelchair that you steer with a straw. That's. How soon can you eat a vegetable? And it's taken me a very long time to find.

• 5:32Matt McCusker?

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• 6:14Matt McCusker?

  So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com slash secret pod and for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle, including omega three fish oil and vitamin D three plus K two with your first subscription to AG1 next gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com slash secret pod. I should provide context. We're, we're, Tim, you gave up the vape. You gave up the fucking V. Which isn't fair. Which you don't, you don't think is fair. I think it's totally fair. Why? You can't vape and be a daddy.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  I think you can't do anything.

• 6:46Matt McCusker?

  Daddy can't be daddy. Become a cigar guy.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Well, full time daddy.

• 6:49Matt McCusker?

  Ew, no.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Why?

• 6:51Matt McCusker?

  Daddy's sucking a fake hog again. There goes daddy and his friends. Look at them out there. That's just like the bath blog. It keeps the real ones out.

• 7:02Matt McCusker?

  That's the passive, bro.

• 7:05Matt McCusker?

  That's so you don't suck your thumb.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  I want a synthetic cigar. It's fine. I don't need the plants.

• 7:10Matt McCusker?

  No, the cigar, you need a cigar. You need your paw to be sitting there.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't, you don't go on Instagram and post La Familia?

• 7:18Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna post like, you know how they like, they wear suits to a funeral and they go, I clean up nice.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you need to see your kids, dude.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're just describing my Wigger brothers. Come on, man.

• 7:31Matt McCusker?

  That picture too is always like, you could have, you couldn't even recognize the person. They somehow get such a far suit now.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  See the haircut? You're like, I think that is, I think that is that guy. I know.

• 7:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the chin strap gets shaved down to almost like pencil thin. Like it's just an outline of their face.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Is your Wigger brother still alive?

• 7:49Matt McCusker?

  I think so. I'd have to check, but probably, yeah. They never die. They never die when you want them.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  They are living longer. Like they are, I think it's like global warming that's doing it to them.

• 7:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, life expectancy on him is like maybe, how old's Everlast? Cause he might be the eldest.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  I would say 55 years old.

• 8:04Matt McCusker?

  55 seems kind of aged for them.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  50, oh, he's 55. Okay.

• 8:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:09Matt McCusker?

  Which in, in Wigger years, that's, I mean, that's geriatric. That's like Moses. That's when they said like Moses was 900 years old.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're like the, the Indian guy with like the curled fingernails for 55 Wigger.

• 8:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like once you go, I mean, Everlast. Your hat brim gets longer and longer until it curls in on itself.

• 8:27Matt McCusker?

  Everlast paved the way with the gray hair, though. He might have been the first to see gray.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Day one. And it helps too. He named himself Everlast.

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  He walks of like rejecting his own fucking faith.

• 8:39Matt McCusker?

  What'd you say?

• 8:39Speaker 03

  I said, oh, I'm not gonna repeat it, but I said Everlast walks so my brothers could limp. They're both faking disability for work right now. It's kind of a inside thing, but.

• 8:49Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's also, you gotta.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Do you think he intentionally left the House of Pain guys behind or?

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Whoever last?

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Wasn't he in House of Pain?

• 8:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was in House.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  How many guys are in House of Pain?

• 9:00Speaker 02

  I think three.

• 9:01Matt McCusker?

  What happened to those guys?

• 9:02Speaker 02

  I don't know. I think maybe the DJ is the Limp Bizkit guy. I might have my Wiggers mixed up.

• 9:06Matt McCusker?

  Hold up. What? You're telling me the DJ from House of Pain joined Limp Bizkit?

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Is that DJ Lethal?

• 9:11Matt McCusker?

  Hold on. Can I just?

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Can we get where are they now?

• 9:13Matt McCusker?

  Fifty fifty grind a rail real quick. I can't. I gotta process this information. Can I grind a curb with my roller blades real quick so I can just process this? I didn't know that.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. And there was, uh, I think there was one other guy.

• 9:28Matt McCusker?

  Who did pack it up, pack it in? Was that Everlast classic?

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  Okay, that part was sick.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Sean, who was the first guy?

• 9:34Matt McCusker?

  That was House of Pain. Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Danny Boy.

• 9:36Matt McCusker?

  Danny Boy. Where the hell's he at? Dead, probably.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, he sounds like he got killed on a motorcycle.

• 9:42Matt McCusker?

  Is he alive?

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  Where is Danny Boy? Boston, probably the Boston streets. Or maybe LA. Either way, um, we don't have to research this.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Put it either way.

• 9:55Matt McCusker?

  That blew my, that blew my mind. I had no idea.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:58Matt McCusker?

  Damn, so that was a huge snag for LB.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 10:02Matt McCusker?

  Like, how did that even come about?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  I don't know, man. It's like I gave up trying to figure out Wiggers because it's, everything about them makes less and less sense. Like, you think you have them figured out as a kid, you're like, okay, he's gonna die at 19 in a, in a dirt bike accident. He's gonna die of a pull overdose at 26, but now you see them like, old enough as to where it's hard for them to get out of a couch. And you're just like, I give up trying to figure this out.

• 10:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is prime time.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Their legs get really skinny.

• 10:28Matt McCusker?

  Legs.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Legs almost atrophy and they're, and they're wearing the ball shorts. So it's just like these little skinny little.

• 10:34Matt McCusker?

  You'd never catch him lifting legs.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Purple sausages.

• 10:37Matt McCusker?

  They'll do, if they drop the perk habit, they'll lift legs because they're sponsored by.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Crazy. And then they get like the big belly and then, oh, their glasses prescription ends up like mine. What old Wiggers get really like, they get Buzz Lightyear eye prescriptions and they, so now they just got these googly eyes and like, uh.

• 10:56Matt McCusker?

  It's funny, their eyes are magnified, but their pupils are so constricted from perks, they probably look like the exact same size.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, any chance you can give me a ride to Infinity or?

• 11:08Matt McCusker?

  You don't see him anymore, man. I don't, I don't like, um, or have they gone just mainstream? I'm thinking like

• 11:13Speaker 03

  They stay inside. They don't, they don't get out as much after they stop like going out, you know, searching for honey dips, obviously.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're bonsai trees.

• 11:20Matt McCusker?

  You might, we might have to start an outreach program called Peels on Wheels, Peels on Wheels. He's dropped them perks. Peels on Wheels.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  They get really into like complicated, like, uh, like hacked fire stick setups too. They had the nastiest fire stick setups when you go over to their, uh, duplex apartment.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Dude, that fire stick is like a fucking Wigger Rubik's Cube.

• 11:46Matt McCusker?

  Is it true that there's a signal for the fire stick that gets like sent out and like erases a fire? Like if you buy one today, like a month from now, something that gets sent through the network that scrambles your fire.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  The signal is a Wigger screaming to his girlfriend, you know, I got demons, Crystal.

• 12:01Matt McCusker?

  Cause I've heard that before, that the fire sticks, like they only last, they only last so long.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  I, I've, I've never dabbled, dude. I've, uh, I've been gainfully employed most of my life.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Damn, they get doused.

• 12:10Matt McCusker?

  They get doused. I think they get, I think they get extinguished.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  I came to get doused.

• 12:14Matt McCusker?

  I had an FS in my house in Philly for a little bit.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, another thing too is like

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Hacked or straight?

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  It was apparently like anything on it. So it was, it was like, it was a hacked stick. And, uh, it was just a pain in the ass to navigate.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Oh, they love doing it. They love, they love going through 14 menus to get to like a bad UFC street.

• 12:36Matt McCusker?

  Like we would go to watch a movie. We'd be like, fuck yeah, we got this movie and it would be in French. He would be like, fuck. You go back and the next one is like

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Fucking cam.

• 12:46Matt McCusker?

  Producers cut. There's like every shot just on like the tiled screen. It was, yeah, that was, I was like, dude. I remember that, you know, my wife is always loving to save money. So that was one I had to be like, dude, can we, can I just get HBO, please? This is, this is getting ridiculous.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Did you give it like a burrito or anything?

• 13:02Matt McCusker?

  No, I, I wanted out, I want to get rid of this thing. She, it was, she was like so stoked on it. And I was like, bro, I'll get us, HBO is $30 a month. What the fuck are we doing? This wasn't that long ago. It's just like when we lived in Philly, like right before we moved.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Principal of the thing, dude. She hates, she hates all these mergers and how all of her information and media is being funneled through, you know, a very slim hole.

• 13:29Matt McCusker?

  I am getting horny.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Fuck, I'm getting bricked up from the nicotine overdose.

• 13:32Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. The playoff push is heating up and tournament hoops are here. And there's no better way to cash in. If you're right on the high flying hoops action than PrizePix, where it always feels good to be right. Every bucket, every dime and every win means more when you're playing on PrizePix. Discuss my favorite picks for March Madness. Let me think about that. What do you got? Let me turn the question to you guys. Nate, you watching college basketball? Let me see, why don't you just, just name a team. How about, yo, how's Duke looking?

• 14:08Speaker 00

  I would definitely, Duke's always a safe pick. Yeah, the Duke.

• 14:12Matt McCusker?

  Well, hold on, we're talking about picks.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  Picks, picks.

• 14:16Matt McCusker?

  Talking about action, what are you talking about? Duke, let's say Duke and I don't know, maybe you could, Michigan. Oh, there we go. There's my two top teams. Thank you, Nate. Shoot your shot for March Madness on PrizePix. Just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. And PrizePix is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime and every board that much more exciting. So join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports picks app. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.

• 15:01Matt McCusker?

  PrizePix, it's good to be right. We were talking on the way up about like, um, I don't know how we got on the subject of just old, old like network TV and how they're still just like pumping millions of dollars when it's like, bros, it's over, man. Like, nobody's, nobody's tuning in to fucking like Fox. Yeah, it's the last Fox series you watched and like finish it all the way through.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Um, grounded for life.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  How long ago was that?

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Probably 30 years ago.

• 15:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's insane. They still just like fucking put the bread out.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  I think it's money laundering at this point.

• 15:37Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think they generate ad revenue because they're all of the channels are being played in like every waiting room everywhere has like five TVs now and that's where all of your ratings are getting. I mean, I can't imagine.

• 15:48Matt McCusker?

  That no, that makes sense because that's my, my theory is that the execs are also just aged boomers because it's aged boomers have the Comcast still. Although I think my parents have finally taken off the Comcast.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  They cut the cord.

• 16:00Matt McCusker?

  Finally, and I could be wrong. They still might have like dude, their bill was like $470 a month for cable and internet. And I was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? But I think the execs have the same brain where they're just like, we got it. This time we double down. They're probably just paying like Jake Gyllenhaal $900 million. And they just do another cowboy. It's just cowboy shows. It's modern cowboy shows. Every network has to have a modern cowboy show.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Do you watch Landman? Are you a Landman guy?

• 16:25Matt McCusker?

  I haven't seen it, dude. I saw a little bit of Yellowstone. Is it good?

• 16:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Billy Bob Thornton being kind of pissed off.

• 16:34Matt McCusker?

  Taylor Sheridan rules though.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Is that a guy or a lady?

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  He's the guy who created it.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 16:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he created Mystic River, I think. No, not Mystic River. White something. Dude, I was talking to someone recently. They were trying to tell me westerns are dead. I'm like, no, they're not. They're the biggest genre. Yeah, it's the modern western. It's Yellowstone, King of Tulsa and Landman. Now they're all going for the, it's either gay hockey or now modern western. That's where we're at right now. Yeah, gay hockey is really. Fan of one, one or the other.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  Dude, gay hockey is like ruining my sheets. Like my wife is heavy in the fucking gay hockey right now.

• 17:07Matt McCusker?

  Gay hockey.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:09Matt McCusker?

  Have you seen the show?

• 17:10Speaker 03

  No, I just know it's, it's books.

• 17:12Matt McCusker?

  He goes, what show?

• 17:16Matt McCusker?

  There's a show called Heat and Rivalry.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, that, that, is that a Netflix thing?

• 17:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Well, dude, the, the books are fucked. They've been heavy for a while. And like, I remember going to the bookstore and just seeing like, dude, what the fuck is two guys kissing in the penalty box for?

• 17:29Speaker 02

  And then it was just like, oh, you find out like, there's this whole subgenre of gay hockey guys.

• 17:34Matt McCusker?

  Now, here's my, here's my question. And again, I feel like girls are significantly lagging guys in this regard. Where they're just getting into like dirty books. Like, I feel like, if you were, if you went to a porn shop.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  That was the first thing we did with movable type. And they, they got into it after Kindles.

• 17:50Matt McCusker?

  Twenty twenty six.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  You think there's old sluts leaving like bags full of gay hockey erotica in the woods now?

• 17:57Matt McCusker?

  Could be. Well, it's also like, if you went to a porn shop back in the nineties and you were trying to buy porn, there'd be like guys in the aisles trying to blow you.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:06Matt McCusker?

  So I wonder if you can catch chicks in the Barnes and Nobles fucking like, you pop out a book and there's a lady on the other aisle.

• 18:13Matt McCusker?

  Stick your fingers through like, hmm.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Hit the Starbucks cafe.

• 18:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, because I don't think girls are like hanging around CD bookstores.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  You'd have to redesign the glory hole, by the way, for women.

• 18:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What would you, I mean, you would need some sort of vacuum slot.

• 18:28Matt McCusker?

  What would you do?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  It was a seat. It would have to be like a.

• 18:30Matt McCusker?

  No, what if the perfect time's on cutaway right now? What would that look like?

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you're right. It would just be a toilet, but there's just a face under the toilet and you would, the lady would sit down. She's kissing like the, the Blarney Stone.

• 18:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You'd have to have like a mummy tomb that you laid in and then a lady would drop.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  Nah, we're, we're figuring it out for them. Let them figure it out for themselves. Queen slut in common.

• 18:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the erotic.

• 18:57Matt McCusker?

  Erotic lit is fucking, is crazy.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  The mommy.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Can you get part of that?

• 19:03Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Erotically?

• 19:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I could easily.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Me too. It's tough like when you, when you could tell like, uh, like I'll go on literatica sometimes and like, I'll pick out like, like a highly rated story. And just think to myself, dude, how are, who's giving these?

• 19:15Matt McCusker?

  Wait, what's literatica? A website or like a place?

• 19:18Speaker 02

  It's a website. Where you can like pick all these different subgenres and they're all like regular people submitted. And it's like, you could pick it by author or by subgenre.

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  Some have audio, I've heard. So that's pretty cool.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Wait, you're listening to user made audio erotica ebooks?

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  I have.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 19:40Matt McCusker?

  Or some of, some of them are just audio. It's not even a story. There are some, it's pretty much, it's pretty much a podcast. I'm just a lady going, oh.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  This is the podcast.

• 19:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, erotic lit. I talked about this for a while. I, I don't mind a racy story myself. I could, I could get into erotic literature. I don't mind. And it's, it feels cleaner, too.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  It's refined.

• 20:04Matt McCusker?

  It is refined. You know, have all those images bounce in your head? You just read the story, get charged up.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  And there, there's ones where you could like, you could, it's like a Mad Libs booklet for sluts.

• 20:12Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Like you can create your own story.

• 20:14Matt McCusker?

  No, did they ever choose your own adventure?

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's not on Lit erotica, but it's a paid service.

• 20:19Matt McCusker?

  How the fuck did I miss this?

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, five bucks a month will get you anything you want, man.

• 20:23Matt McCusker?

  Hold up, so they have choose your own adventures?

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Oh dude, I'm putting all my.

• 20:25Matt McCusker?

  Wait, are you just clicking that ad on porn that's like, make your own lady?

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Stop jacking off alone.

• 20:31Matt McCusker?

  I'm not.

• 20:34Matt McCusker?

  Who says I am? There's horny sluts in, wait, that's my town. Wow. That is funny. Imagine if that's like a legit thing and there's a door to door guy be like, excuse me, man, are you a horny slut?

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Whore dash.

• 20:47Matt McCusker?

  Slut census, uh, dude. I watched, you guys watch Soft White Underbelly?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:53Matt McCusker?

  I love that channel. I, they just put up one recently about a younger guy who, the title's just like, it's something like, I had the internet at a young age. Like I had too much internet at a young age and, uh, I was listening to it earlier today and, you know, he's like, my dad was gone and he was working all the time. And, uh, one of my friends, uh, I guess it started, he went on to gay.com and I was like, he got turned out on gay.com and he just never recovered. Dude, gay.com, I didn't even know. I'll be honest, I'm not trying to like flex like I'm the straightest guy in the world, but gay.com never even thought, bro. Never even thought to you, it's something with gay.com.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  It's like a Ghostbuster trap. They'll fucking suck you right in, man.

• 21:35Matt McCusker?

  Dude, gay.com was killing me. And he's just like, yeah, like, I think he brought it up almost as like a lemon party type joke and the kid was like, yo, what the fuck is up with this? He was young and then he started doing this shit. Ah, like early teens, probably like fourteen.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  That's not that young.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  That's like thirty gay years.

• 21:52Matt McCusker?

  True, you're right. Again, I don't wanna, I like, I'm mixing up the ages. He might, maybe he was twelve or eleven during gay.com.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:59Matt McCusker?

  Cause he does jump around a lot, you know, it's hard to put a real, uh, it's hard to put a finger on it.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  It sounds like he probably had a more serious problem than he's trying to pin it on gay.com when he was thirteen years old.

• 22:09Matt McCusker?

  I, yeah, I mean, again, we've all seen Lemon Party, but I, I, I think he was just like, well, you know what fucked him up? Gay.com led him to men chat. Men chat is where guys get together to chat, mostly gay guys, asking young boys for videos of them jerking off. So he started supplying the bros with the, with the goods, or I should say the bads.

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  He started supplying the bros with the very bads.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  He became a creator at a young age.

• 22:34Matt McCusker?

  He became a creator, so he took control of his own content. But then the guy was like, oh, so he was like, did this for money? He was like, yeah, well, I didn't really have like a bank account, so like I just did it. He was just love at the game at first, just kinda like, I guess thriving off the buzz. And, uh, yeah, I was, I didn't watch the whole thing, but I was like, dude, getting sucked into gay.com. And like, I mean, the gay.com men chat pipeline. And but the thing is, he lived in this.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  I, I, I, all right, I will go back and watch this entire thing. I highly doubt the headline should be, I got the internet at a young age. There's no way that's what went wrong.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, cause everything else was pretty like.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Let's go back to a younger age and maybe there was something there, you know? Maybe there was some kind of serious disappointment or harm when you were much younger that.

• 23:18Matt McCusker?

  See, the guy, the guy's a good interviewer and he was asking about that. It was like, he was just a bored kid and his parents were too busy. But the, the, I thought, to me, this is, this was the thing that really kinda ticked me.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  It's crazy to be that bored. I've, I'm a bored bro. So you ever hear JRPGs, dude, like the rest of us? You guys were bored nerds? Did any of you ever think there's a chance like, I'm so bored, I'm gonna, I'm gonna throw meat at the old guys? Not once.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was so bored, I would wrestle my uncle.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Nothing to do, man. This guy's full of shit, dude.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  Wrestling, man, is the oldest trick in the book. But yeah, it's, you know, again, it was like, I was, well, I had questions as well. I had questions for sure. Dude, getting turned out by gay.com makes me laugh so fucking hard. It is like genuinely funny.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, what did they have on the homepage, man?

• 24:08Matt McCusker?

  I don't even wanna look, dude.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  I don't even wanna imagine it, man.

• 24:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, I am worried I'll fall in face forward.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  But the problem was, here's the thing, man, the kid's out doing his thing, obviously. And, uh, but he would split time between living in Mexico and the States. And when he would go to Mexico, it was just couldn't do gay shit at all. So he'd have to detox from gay action in Mexico. Cause I guess there wasn't a ton of gay action. It's probably really risky. Well, fuck him.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  So you can get back to the land of the free.

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  True. Land of the freaks. But yeah, he, uh,

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Oh, where the gaped.

• 24:43Matt McCusker?

  He would go to Mexico and just have to completely just fucking detox out. Cause there wasn't gay action going on. I mean, I'm sure you can get it if you want in Mexico, but I think you have to be like high society. Do gay action in Mexico. I, I'm just guessing.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  I'm saving up to be gay in Mexico. I'm saving my allowance.

• 25:00Matt McCusker?

  You'd have to do like, you'd have to get into like highly acclaimed avant garde theater. And then you could probably score some gay.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  There's specific places like you gotta go to taking it in the Cancun. Right, Tim?

• 25:14Matt McCusker?

  He's straight facing him.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Something like that.

• 25:20Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, that was a, that was something I was just kind of just enjoying.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Uncle Poco.

• 25:25Matt McCusker?

  The opening, Uncle Poco.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  The one thing that, uh, the way they started, I mean, let me just, that the intro to it, god damn, where's my phone? The intro, this is how fucking crazy, and again, I'm, you know, look, we all have our demons. I'm not making fun of this poor guy, but the, the way they intro it is like, bro, come on, dude.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  I remember having this recurring fantasy that I would walk to the basketball court at the park. And the construction workers would, you know, pull me into the bushes and rape me.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  And I would fantasize that I was the guy getting dunked on and his balls would get stuck on my head.

• 26:08Matt McCusker?

  I shouldn't have played that.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  How the heck did you pull that up so fast?

• 26:12Matt McCusker?

  I was watching it, dude.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Dude, it's his fucking home screen, man.

• 26:16Matt McCusker?

  Some of us are producers and podcasters, bro.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 26:19Matt McCusker?

  That, that intro though was like, what the fuck? So, that, we'll just, yeah, it was probably the internet. I think it was the internet got him. Gay.com, dude, beware. All those youngsters out there, look, live your life, but words.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  You go to one bad website and now you want the construction workers to rape you.

• 26:37Matt McCusker?

  He's, it was, it was like a worry, that's legit fear. And then walking, you never walk past a construction site, be like.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Wait, did he say it was a fear or a fantasy?

• 26:46Matt McCusker?

  I think he said fantasy.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  It was a fantasy.

• 26:47Matt McCusker?

  Fantasy, bro.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:48Matt McCusker?

  Okay, look, we look, okay, fair enough.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Wait, it was a basketball court by a construction site is what he said?

• 26:55Matt McCusker?

  I believe so.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Oh my God, sounds like a fucking, I mean, pick your boys.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's how the N1 mixtape tour ended.

• 27:04Matt McCusker?

  Anyway, I feel bad making fun of, I'm not making, well, I'm making fun of the kid, but it's just funny. It's undeniably funny to get sucked into gay.com.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Dude, it's so easy to get sucked at that age. You have no idea.

• 27:14Matt McCusker?

  I, dude, it's insane. It must be, you could, I mean, world's your oyster.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Tapes hit me hard at that time, VHS.

• 27:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Tapes were hitting me hard. I didn't have internet yet, so I had an aunt who bought me a, a softcore porn from the Playboy catalog. She bought me a movie called Chameleon.

• 27:31Matt McCusker?

  Another satisfied customer of gay.com.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  Your aunt. Yeah, she let me pick one, one movie from the Playboy catalog and I picked Chameleon with Tori Wells.

• 27:42Matt McCusker?

  And how old were you?

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Twelve.

• 27:44Matt McCusker?

  What was, were, have, have you like, I mean, how good of a boy are we talking? How good have you been?

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Dude, I was, I was.

• 27:52Matt McCusker?

  Your listening chart must have been off the fucking.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Dude, no, no trouble, a little chubby, never said a peep. I really kept to myself and my aunt was just like, one day she's like, pick something out of this catalog.

• 28:02Matt McCusker?

  I, look, okay, how do you, what is your thoughts on that?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  She's a criminal.

• 28:06Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, but she also left me five G's when she died, so Aunt Patsy, if you're listening, thank you for the movie and thank you for the five G's.

• 28:15Matt McCusker?

  She's a criminal.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  She's, yeah, she's a criminal with a heart of gold.

• 28:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cause I have thoughts on being like, you know, again, you're talking old school, I'm an old school guy. Is that like the subtle hookup to be like, I'm gonna get this kid a softcore? But then again, it's like, oh man, when you say it like that, you go, why?

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Dude, it's tough because like that's that's summer that I got it like I was being occupied. Like I had Sega Genesis and I was playing PGA Tour 3.

• 28:42Matt McCusker?

  So you had shit to do?

• 28:43Speaker 02

  I, yeah, my summer was locked down already, but then she's like, pick something out of this catalog. And Chamillion looked enticing because Tori Wells was beautiful. And I was like, all right, I'll take this. And then like midway through the summer, the tape came and the door had a lock on it. And it was one of those TV VCR combos. And I slid it in and it was just like.

• 29:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  It was like one X, so there was no penetration, but I knew what was happening.

• 29:05Matt McCusker?

  Can I get that? Yo, bro. I mean, I gotta give it to you, fantastic pick.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:10Matt McCusker?

  Todd, what year is this?

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Probably 1993 ish.

• 29:15Matt McCusker?

  That's wild. How, did it come in the mail? Like, how did it?

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Giant box came in the mail, knew exactly what it was when it arrived at Aunt Patsy's.

• 29:23Matt McCusker?

  Geez. Okay.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  And you got to watch it alone? You didn't have to watch it with her or anything?

• 29:28Speaker 02

  No, I didn't have to watch it with her, although a couple of times my cousin and I, my cousin Chris and I watched porn together.

• 29:33Matt McCusker?

  That's you sharing the wealth, obviously.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  I think so too. Yeah. Cool guy.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  Watching porn together, that was, I saw a lot of people, a lot of folks doing that.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  He would just make a joke every now and again.

• 29:43Matt McCusker?

  He would?

• 29:44Speaker 02

  We would, just to kind of lighten the mood.

• 29:46Matt McCusker?

  No, that was, that was a big thing. I, I met a lot of young bros who were watching porn. Like we would get, we had Spanish Fly 14. I blew through our neighborhood and we just like, it was just, everyone had that.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Is there a system for it? Like who got, who got it when?

• 29:58Matt McCusker?

  Older brothers dominated the goods.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:00Matt McCusker?

  And you know, I was, I was like.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  They gave you guys scraps.

• 30:03Matt McCusker?

  That was like the guys in Mad Max. The tape had been like worn thin. They were like, here you go, fucking loser.

• 30:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we had the Spanish Fly for a while. And we, they would always get caught. We would always get busted. We were like the Taliban with rockets. Every time we got, God forbid, we had one little rocket, dude. We would get busted immediately. Somebody would get busted. Cause it was, it was the tape, it was the VCR.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  We're putting it into the getting pussy program. They cannot have pussy. We have to stop them now.

• 30:33Matt McCusker?

  Cause it was always that VCR, right? Is that Spanish? Yo, bro, you give me flashbacks.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 30:38Matt McCusker?

  That's a great one.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  That was a great one.

• 30:42Matt McCusker?

  That was, yeah, but you had to like, it was the VCR. So like if you saw the headlights hitting that front window, you'd be like, huh, hit it fucking like.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, every VCR sounded like Nick Nolte getting out of bed.

• 31:00Matt McCusker?

  Then your parents would come home and you'd just be sitting there like four people on a couch, no TV on, just like sweating.

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  Oh, hey guys, how's dinner?

• 31:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, man, that, yeah, that was so fucking nerve wracking.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember, we didn't, we didn't have porno, but uh, do you remember a PBS series called Nova? Well, they did, they did one with was a lady giving birth and like, it was full on pussy shot, baby crowning. And like, we were all just sitting there like this, like the situation room when they got Bin Laden.

• 31:34Matt McCusker?

  So what's the policy now in terms of like internet porn? You have to ever give your kids to talk or you're just kinda like?

• 31:41Speaker 03

  No, someone on Roblox is gonna do it for you.

• 31:44Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 31:46Speaker 03

  I think that's a huge issue right now.

• 31:47Matt McCusker?

  Roblox is a big issue. I watched another soft one underbelly about that.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  I was molested on Roblox or something.

• 31:53Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, it was like, it was like tied to it. It's a giant issue. It was, it was, was tied to someone talking about like Epstein. It was actually, it was legit Epstein survivor.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  So what's Roblox? Like pedo Minecraft?

• 32:04Matt McCusker?

  Yes, actually. But the game rules for kids, right?

• 32:08Matt McCusker?

  I heard it's fun.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  It's, it's ass.

• 32:10Matt McCusker?

  It's ass?

• 32:11Speaker 03

  It's ass. Every game in Roblox, there's a better real game out there that I would prefer to pay for.

• 32:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Where they go on Roblox and it's free and then all the fucking kids from school are playing and being fucking, you know.

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  Groomed and shit.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  Groomed.

• 32:26Matt McCusker?

  Ton of pedophiles on Roblox, apparently.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Dude, I'm, I'm in the.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  Allegedly, I, well, no, I don't know.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Are you gonna get in trouble for saying?

• 32:33Matt McCusker?

  No, there's, there's fucking, you can't get in trouble. Roblox has beef with that. Clean up the goddamn pedophiles off your game, dude.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Fuck you guys. They're kinda protecting the pedophiles.

• 32:41Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's guys that are taking it upon themselves to weed out the pedophiles.

• 32:44Matt McCusker?

  What, are they paying for a lot of the skins or something?

• 32:49Matt McCusker?

  These guys are fucking paying a lot of money.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  I paused my childhood for this.

• 32:55Matt McCusker?

  I added my innocence to be here. What's up with Roblox? What are they doing? Are they pedophiles? They're like, the guys that are trying to like root them out and like trap them and stuff in game are getting permanently suspended and shit like that. And the pedophiles are just being kind of let off with like a 30 day ban or something like that. What? Yeah. What the fuck? I might be misremembering and I haven't totally done a deep dive, but I think that's the gist of what's going on. So allegedly.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Is it guys like hot talking kids or are they like, is a character molesting?

• 33:22Matt McCusker?

  Well, there's a guy that showed up at a kid's house. Whoa. Yeah, no, I think they're, well, yeah, I think they're just trying to like, uh, chat them up, kind of get like, what's the situation like? And if they, yeah, if they find like not a lot of parental stuff, it's like, let's go. That's how those fucking bastards work. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Recently I've been, when do I feel the most amount of pressure? At work, on stage, or when I'm lying on my belly?

• 33:51Matt McCusker?

  I know what it's like to feel stress and burnout. And what's helped me during those times? Lying on my belly. It's not healthy to feel so much pressure all the time. So it's important to take a moment for you. And if you're looking for a healthy way to do that, try therapy with BetterHelp. No joke. Therapy can help you create balance, or at the very least, it can help you develop better coping skills for when you do feel stressed and overworked. But I get it. When you're overwhelmed by life, the last thing you want to do is spend hours trying to find a therapist or to make time to visit at an office. That's where BetterHelp comes in. It makes scheduling and attending appointments a breeze because everything, even your meeting with your therapist is done online.

• 34:35Matt McCusker?

  With an average rating of 4.9 stars out of five, I'd say people find it extremely useful. Prioritize your wellbeing with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/mssp to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash MSSP.

• 34:52Matt McCusker?

  Guys, please, please come out this weekend, this Friday, 3/13, that's March 13, 2026. I'll be at The Factory in St. Louis, Missouri. It's gonna be a good time. Also, on Saturday, I'll be at Closed Memorial Hall in Indianapolis, Indiana. Sales are looking decent for both of those, but we could use a little week of push, if you know what I'm saying. So again, I'll be in Indianapolis on Saturday, St. Louis, the Lou on Friday. Please come out. Bye.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  Also, me and Nate, Nate Marshall, this is me, Sean Gardini, and me and Nate Marshall will be in Salt Lake City on March 27 and 28. We'll also all be in Houston at the Riot Festival, at the Riot in Houston in the beginning of April, so please come out to that. I'm sorry, Lemare. April 3rd, 4th, and 5th are those dates. Optimum Noctis, April 2nd, 7th, and

• 35:53Speaker 05

  and I'll be in Cincinnati, and Springfield, Tulsa, and OKC. Please come if you can. Thank you very much. Bye.

• 36:00Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm like, right now, my algorithm has been, because I watched that one I watched, and now it's like, nothing but that kind of shit of like child groomers and how prevalent they are.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  You gotta pull yourself out of it.

• 36:11Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's, every night, I like fantasize about like beating pedophiles with baseball bats and like, shooting them and stuff, because now I'm like really, because I like

• 36:19Speaker 03

  That's a great screensaver for your brain, by the way. That's a great Roku City to just have playing in the background of your mind at all times.

• 36:27Matt McCusker?

  It gets me too charged, because I wake up, I get woken up in the middle of the night, put my kid back to bed, and I go, so what the fuck would I do if I saw a pedophile? And I just start, I get my hearts, my beats per minute in my heart are like 130, I'm just laying there like.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Do you sleep in pedophile hunter pajamas?

• 36:43Matt McCusker?

  I should. It's like, yo, pedophiles. And now I'm like obsessed with sleeper cells from like terrorism stuff. So I'm like, okay, like if I'm in this play, I'm in a kid's play place, guy comes in and I just game plan. I'm like, between that and the Western Lonesome Dove I'm reading, I'm so, I've never been closer to getting like tactical training with weapons. Cause I, I want to become like a crack shot who can also, cause in the, in the book, dude, you ever read, if either you had a red, ever read Lonesome Dove? I mean, I would immediately start, it's might be the best, my opinion, one of the best novels of all time. Just about like two guys who are old, um, Texas Rangers who had to go and like, you know, fight Indians, like bad guys and shit.

• 37:26Matt McCusker?

  And, uh, so they're like, kind of retired, but now the one guy's like, we should get, they like steal a bunch of cattle from this guy in Mexico. And they gotta just drive a herd. It's about, I would say about a thousand head.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Hey man, you ever think about playing gay hockey?

• 37:40Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they gotta get them from Texas all the way to Montani. And then they just encounter all these people on the plains, but like, when they encounter dudes that like can't shoot people or like, don't know how to, aren't like weapons trained. They're, they're just kind of like, bro, like they can't either. Like get the fuck away from me. I'm like, I can't, I gotta be weapons trained.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  There's touches of that in, uh, the Dark Tower, the gunslinger.

• 38:00Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. Roland's like the best. He's probably even a better gunslinger than the Lonesome Dove guys.

• 38:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Not, you're talking Augustus McCray. I, I highly, dude, I, before I went to bed last night, he literally shot like nine people. Fucking blue duck got away, son of a bitch.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  You, you let me gunslinger. You were the first friend that ever let me.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  You read in the afternoon, he's the best shot ever. He's way better than the Lonesome Cowboys.

• 38:21Matt McCusker?

  Stephen King fantasy stuff. Although I heard that series is sick. I gotta, I gotta read that. Well, the, the like, the pecking order in the wild west is like farmers are kind of like, it's kind of a joke. Like you're a hard worker. The cowboy respects the work ethic of the farmer.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  But he's a soft target.

• 38:37Matt McCusker?

  You're an easy, easy target, most likely. And there's also a thing with cowboys where like, if you ask a cowboy to get off his horse and do a task, he's going to get kind of miffed. It's beneath the cowboy to get off his horse. You're like, hey, get off my horse and like pull these pigs out of the mud. He's gonna, he'll. He might want to problem with you, but then there's cowboy. So the Cowboys above the farmer, but then amongst Cowboys, it's like, have you ever seen any battle? You know, there's all that other stuff. How good are you playing cards? So then there's like kind of Cowboys, good Cowboys, but they're kind of pussy Cowboys. And there's like badass Cowboys, but then like bordering into Renegade. And Renegade is like, pretty much end all be all.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Dude, it's tough when pigs get stuck in the mud because most of them are front squeal drive.

• 39:18Matt McCusker?

  You're like, leave.

• 39:21Matt McCusker?

  I call them shows now. I don't even call them pigs anymore. Shows. That's one independent show right there.

• 39:29Matt McCusker?

  Lonesome Dove, man. I, man, I could talk about it for an hour and a half.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  It's nice to crack into a good book where you get lost in the fantasy.

• 39:35Matt McCusker?

  Eight hundred pages, dude.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 39:36Matt McCusker?

  I'm so sad because I'm on like, I'm 600 pages into this book and the thought of it ending, I'm like, motherfucker. Then I, it turns out, so the guy who wrote Lonesome Dove, I think his name's Larry McMurty, Murty or something, Murtry. Bro, guess what else? Guess what other Western he wrote? Co-wrote, by the way.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Um, nice.

• 39:56Matt McCusker?

  What do you think? You gotta guess.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Three Ten of Yuma?

• 39:59Matt McCusker?

  Um, what's another Western?

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Tombstone.

• 40:02Matt McCusker?

  Brokeback Mountain.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  I was gonna say that as a joke.

• 40:05Matt McCusker?

  No, he literally co-wrote Brokeback Mountain, but I tell myself.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  A guy or a lady? Who's the co-writer?

• 40:10Matt McCusker?

  Lady. Lady. I, I tell myself the lady handled the gay love story. He did all the good cowboy shit.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:15Matt McCusker?

  Because he's like, I'm like, this guy's my favorite. And I looked up his other books. I went,

• 40:18Speaker 02

  You think you're gonna hide Brokeback in the inside of Lonesome Dove when you're finished with it?

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  I mean, Lonesome Dove's so good, I might give Brokeback a run for his money, honestly, but it's, I think he handled all the cowboy details. I think there was a lady who cooked up a sick and twisted plot. And she goes, I need a real cowboy to get in here and nice this thing up. Like, old Larry.

• 40:40Matt McCusker?

  To Lonesome Dove?

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, by the end of that journey, you're ready for him.

• 40:46Matt McCusker?

  I mean.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  You're not so lonesome anymore when it's two of us.

• 40:49Matt McCusker?

  I here's the thing, though, man. I mean, I think it happened out on the range more than people care to admit, man. I mean, you're you're talking about you're on the you're on the plains.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Sunsets.

• 40:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're out on the plains, man. There's not a tree in sight. It's just grass as far as you can see.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Trusting each other with your lives.

• 41:03Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, who's your horse gonna tell?

• 41:05Matt McCusker?

  They would also they would get naked to like the Ford Fording Rivers was like a huge that was one thing cowboys would be afraid of because it's like these dudes can't like not swim.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Being covered head to toe in denim doesn't help when your neck deep in the Mississippi River.

• 41:19Matt McCusker?

  Your wrist is like you have a thing wrapped leather strap wrapped around your wrist. You don't lose the horse.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  And then the other part is just a horse biting it to hold on to it. Yeah, I don't know.

• 41:27Matt McCusker?

  Horses can swim too. It's surprising. I just didn't know they can swim. Yeah, a horse can swim. Crazy. But yeah, they they would like get naked too. They'd all get naked together because it's like you only have so many dry clothes. So you wrap up your clothes because they you know, if they got like wet from a rainstorm, you had one other change of clothes.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  You think fat cowboys wear a shirt in the river?

• 41:49Matt McCusker?

  I think it was impossible. I don't think there were fat cowboys. I think they're just fat cats. If you were if you were fat then someone would be like, here, do you just want to own this railroad company?

• 41:57Speaker 02

  You had to be like a banker or something.

• 41:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you had to be a big fat banker. But yeah, Lonesome Dove can't. It's I swear to God, dude, it's it's like every night when I get to hit the sheets and read a chapter of Lonesome Dove, I'm like.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Are you going to bed earlier and earlier? Just again?

• 42:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, it's as soon as I can get there. As soon as everything's done, I'm right in bed. Right back. I only pause the story if I'm going to get some motherfucking pussy.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:21Matt McCusker?

  I had a pause of Dove last night. I'm getting to the age where like when you get the real so you know, when you're like nineteen, twenty, maybe even early twenties, man, you guys, you know.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Dude, your girl's like, is that a copy of Lonesome Dove on my lower back?

• 42:38Matt McCusker?

  I'm getting to the age too where it's like, you know, I always took like a hundred percent, 110% boner for granted, like

• 42:45Speaker 02

  I know, man.

• 42:46Matt McCusker?

  every time, cash money.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:48Matt McCusker?

  Bro, last night I had a hundred and 10 percenter and you just enjoy it so much. You're just like, let's fucking go. You just feel awesome.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  You taking beetroot?

• 42:58Matt McCusker?

  I've been running a lot.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:00Matt McCusker?

  So yeah, I've been doing a lot of sprints too. So like when you, when you do sprints, like you're, you produce a lot of growth hormone and it like, you know, when you lift weights, your muscles grow. When you do a lot of high, like intensive cardio, your whole circulatory system, the growth hormones makes your veins like wider, more expansive. So you just, you just get blood rushing. So yeah, if anyone out there is slapping the old fish around the market.

• 43:25Matt McCusker?

  You gotta, you gotta become a creature to start sprinting for your life, dude. Just imagine at the hundred meter mark is just your hard boner.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Now, how long do you gotta be training to like get that kind of boner?

• 43:38Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I think it's like, honestly, it's pretty quick. Honestly, I, I, I, uh, I don't know. Cause it's like, you know, there's a lot of other factors, obviously, you know, with boners are a complicated beast, but uh, you can't think about them. That's the one thing you gave as soon as you would like, be like, am I all the way? It's just.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  It's a no hitter. Like the second you mention it, it's gone.

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  It's gone, dude. So that's been a, it's been fun. For me, it's a fun game. I always like a nice challenge. Now, uh, I've, I've always been set. I've always been like, nah, nah, I've always been able to talk about them. Like not me, bro. I'm ricked up 24 seven.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  I gotta try it. Cause like, I think I'm, my, my default boner is at like 80. And it's like, you think back to all the boners you took for granted, like the sixth grade ones, when you're reading Diary of Anne Frank, just rock hard, just bursting through your fucking khakis. And you're just like, yeah, this would be for the rest of my life.

• 44:29Matt McCusker?

  I mean, either, is either one better?

• 44:33Speaker 02

  They mentioned that in the sequel, Sean.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  That's how they caught him. He was throwing down on the toilet.

• 44:45Matt McCusker?

  I support your journey. Thanks, man.

• 44:50Matt McCusker?

  No, this is a complete no judgment zone. I did, this is a serious question. Was there racy stuff in Anne Frank? Cause I almost vaguely remember dudes getting kind of bricked up reading.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  I think she was in love with her cousin. So it's like being that like step stuff is popular now. I think if you read that now, you might look at it from a different perspective and get a little, little hot in the pants, a little hot in the striped pajamas.

• 45:11Matt McCusker?

  As a sixth grade boy, that's not that crazy to say, you know? I get charged up off of anything when I was in sixth grade, honestly.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  You're just reading a girl's name.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Reading a girl's diary. I was like, oh, fuck, dude. Honestly, it's like shameful that we were all reading this poor girl's diary.

• 45:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kind of weird, honestly. I know. And then it was all made up.

• 45:32Matt McCusker?

  That's the worst part.

• 45:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I thought we were joking around. We're talking about boners, dude. I thought we were having a fun time.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  We're having a serious conversation about boners.

• 45:45Matt McCusker?

  Thought we could have a little joke here and there.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  All right, welcome Dan to the podcast.

• 45:50Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I support your joke as well. Thank you. I support everyone right now.

• 45:58Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this. I like this. I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great. Doesn't taste like a fistfight. Package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out.

• 46:40Matt McCusker?

  So hurry up and go to drink AG1.com slash secret pod and for a limited time only get a free immune support bundle, including omega three, fish oil and vitamin D three plus K two with your first subscription to AG one next gen or AG one pro. That's drink AG1.com slash secret pod. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 47:01Speaker 06

  Mint Mobile.

• 47:02Matt McCusker?

  Mint took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for 15 bucks a month.

• 47:08Speaker 06

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• 47:18Matt McCusker?

  Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy includes up to 20 gigabytes of hotspot capable devices required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 47:37Speaker 06

  Incredible.

• 47:38Matt McCusker?

  Dang, that should make.

• 47:39Speaker 03

  You're hiding jokes in your podcast?

• 47:43Matt McCusker?

  They should make a joke like a pride joke flag. You know what I'm talking about? Instead of like the rainbow flag that's like trans, gay, lesbians, black people for whatever reason. I'm so sorry. They made you guys all gay. That's it's like, if you're gay, fine, but like if you can't just be gay, and we call black people too. It's like, leave them the hell out of this. Pinks, pastels, blues. It's like black and brown. The hell's that?

• 48:11Speaker 06

  Atlanta.

• 48:12Matt McCusker?

  What is the reason for that? By the way? It's such a weird, I saw like, you know, and again, whatever, fucking do your thing. But like, I, that was always the thing for me. I was just kind of like, why, what, what does that represent? And I, I'm pretty sure it represents like being in solidarity with black and brown people. It's like, that's nothing to do with sexual preferences.

• 48:30Speaker 06

  Do you guys feel bolstered by gay people joining your cause?

• 48:34Matt McCusker?

  Unless that could be, I don't even.

• 48:37Speaker 06

  No, I think Matt's on to something.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  It says here for specifically to represent and include LGBTQ plus people that are BIPOC as well.

• 48:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but what the fuck? So.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  It's only for BIPOC.

• 48:50Speaker 00

  Gay. Like, well, you guys are gay. It's a whole separate thing.

• 48:53Matt McCusker?

  So it's not a striving.

• 48:54Speaker 06

  Black people be gay like this.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Would you guys consider marching with furries?

• 49:01Matt McCusker?

  LeMaire, I'm gonna hold on. LeMaire would shut the fuck up. I'm the lie detector.

• 49:08Matt McCusker?

  Not out of like a political thing, just for kink. For kink. Not your thing? Yeah, okay, fair enough. So the stripe, just to clarify, that's what the stripe's for. It's not for like BBC loving.

• 49:26Matt McCusker?

  Anyway, that's a, I was just curious about that.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  So funny throwing that on there like a kid throwing a candy bar on the fucking, the fucking belt at the supermarket when his mom's not looking.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  And this too, yeah.

• 49:39Matt McCusker?

  Toss it up.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  I'm done.

• 49:41Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I think personally, if you have a flag, totally fair, it needs to come with a national anthem or some sort of song. There needs to be a gay national anthem. I, that's, look, you think so?

• 49:54Speaker 05

  Unofficial ones, yeah. Like Pink Pony Club is up there.

• 49:58Matt McCusker?

  Pink Pony Club? Damn, I fucking love that. I listen to that with my kids all the time. That's a gay national anthem?

• 50:03Speaker 05

  Uh, no, just maybe in my head.

• 50:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Isn't that like a lesbian stripper? Yeah, Callum Scott's big.

• 50:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 50:09Speaker 05

  Techno Beach Madonna.

• 50:12Matt McCusker?

  Why, I see, there you go, nevermind, nevermind.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Calling Mr. Vane.

• 50:18Matt McCusker?

  LeMaire, what are you talking about, dude? That's definitely the gay national anthem. Anytime, if you, if you're dressed like an instruction worker and someone has any other type of outfit, you get called the village people and people are, you know. It's a gay national anthem, for sure.

• 50:36Matt McCusker?

  This is how we do.

• 50:41Matt McCusker?

  No, what is it?

• 50:43Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really? What the hell?

• 50:45Speaker 02

  How's it go? Could you sing, it's just a bar of it, maybe?

• 50:47Matt McCusker?

  If every boy sings, sing. Till her thin ever.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Sean, could you add like rattling chains to the?

• 50:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh geez, Butter, you're being so fucking nasty today.

• 51:02Matt McCusker?

  That was more about his timbre and, and the way he was singing. I'm sure it's a higher register.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  We're on one today.

• 51:13Matt McCusker?

  Matt, what are you talking about?

• 51:17Matt McCusker?

  Well, well, well, well. So what else you guys up to?

• 51:22Speaker 02

  You know me, I was pigging out in that hotel room.

• 51:24Matt McCusker?

  What were you doing?

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's, oh, that's okay. That's where the whole conversation came from. You were at a hotel next to the airport and I got secretly very jealous of you.

• 51:34Matt McCusker?

  You can really pig at a hotel next to an airport.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, bro, I'm not kidding when I say I was four or five times a day.

• 51:41Matt McCusker?

  They should cut, the hotels next to the airport should have a direct modem connection that can go right into your phone.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, at the end of the day, my phone's like, I'm tired, boss.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  It's nice, man. I crank the fucking tunes. I talk to my phone.

• 52:02Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome. You were just, you were just set up like a king, just chilling.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Dude, it's, I got such a nice hotel for 85 bucks and I was just going ballistic in that fucking thing.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  I was having, I told you, I was having guests come up to record podcasts too. So I was meeting guys in the lobby, bringing them up into like a, like a convoy.

• 52:19Matt McCusker?

  Was there a towel under the door?

• 52:23Matt McCusker?

  It probably felt like the rainforest in there.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  It was so nice because there was no like verification like it is in Texas. Like back in Pennsylvania, it was the wild west, man.

• 52:32Matt McCusker?

  Have you verified, age verified?

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Uh, it's funny you bring that up. This morning I did because one of my favorite ladies, Sadie Andrews, she was putting out a new video today and I signed up for her premium service. Uh, but I was kind of bummed because the video she posted didn't come out until Tim and I were on our way here.

• 52:48Matt McCusker?

  Man, your aunt burns in hell, dude.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't wait to dig into that thing when I get home, man.

• 53:01Matt McCusker?

  You think this is more acceptable than daddy vaping?

• 53:05Matt McCusker?

  I'm ready to have this conversation. This is better than daddy vaping. Daddy gooning is better than daddy vaping. Here's the thing. In privacy, yes. If you were to get busted daddy gooning and then he's got to stop, you're vaping right in front of him.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  No, I

• 53:21Matt McCusker?

  Don't.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  You vaping cigarettes.

• 53:22Matt McCusker?

  I hide it from them.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Like a.

• 53:24Matt McCusker?

  That's different.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Pervert.

• 53:25Matt McCusker?

  Hold on, that's different.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Of a different color.

• 53:27Matt McCusker?

  That's good. I'm completely on your side.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you're, if you're privately vaping, that's your business.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Also, just secretly vape. I have so many uncles that secretly smoke cigarettes.

• 53:38Matt McCusker?

  From everyone in my life?

• 53:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:39Matt McCusker?

  That actually does sound exciting.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, I had uncles that just smoked cigarettes on construction sites, would never do it around anywhere, like anywhere else.

• 53:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's so cool.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:47Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna start, I'm gonna start vaping on construction sites.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  Hey, watch out. Just be careful.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what you could do. Do, I, I think you could continue vaping if you got real into like, if you build a gazebo. I feel like if you build a gazebo with your bare hands and you're like, I'm gonna come out here and vape.

• 54:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:08Speaker 03

  No one can say shit to you.

• 54:10Matt McCusker?

  My vaping gazebo.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  Covered in ice crawling ivy. I think if you build a gazebo, I mean, no, I, I.

• 54:19Matt McCusker?

  Geek bar gazebo, don't bother daddy's in his gazebo.

• 54:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, when you put it that way. It might not help the cause.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  What if you like draped it out like a really sheer material so that when you vape, it's like almost like a.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Ooh, that's sensual.

• 54:37Matt McCusker?

  Ceremonial thing.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  Like some pipette, like some pipe and draping.

• 54:39Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  It'd be kinda chill.

• 54:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you know what else?

• 54:42Speaker 03

  I'm equal as hell. What if I set up like a tap system at a bar? So I'm never actually vaping the vice. There's just like cords that come down that are tapped to like vape banks under the gazebo and I'm just hitting the tap.

• 54:53Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda nice.

• 54:54Speaker 03

  That'd be fucking sick. I could YouTube that.

• 54:56Matt McCusker?

  What about hookah? You think hookah? I would be like.

• 54:58Speaker 03

  I do, I do have e-hukas.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  I do have a couple of disposable e-hukas.

• 55:06Matt McCusker?

  So is that a vape with just like a?

• 55:08Speaker 03

  With a genie on it. It's like a, it's like a tubular vape with like, well, one of them has like a flaming knight on it. And it's not vaping, it's e-huka, it's completely different.

• 55:19Matt McCusker?

  What's the difference?

• 55:20Speaker 03

  It actually doesn't even.

• 55:20Matt McCusker?

  Is it water filtered?

• 55:22Speaker 03

  What?

• 55:23Matt McCusker?

  Is it filtered through water? Why is it, what's it, what's the difference?

• 55:25Speaker 03

  No, it's the, it's the, whatever the different herb is that they, hookah? And I, I'll tell you this, does not scratch the vape ish.

• 55:32Matt McCusker?

  Tim, who controls the vape banks?

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Wait, was the pun hookah controls or who controls, who can?

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  We'll do it on our podcast.

• 55:48Matt McCusker?

  You're not gonna trip me up. Well, this has been a great time.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Do you share your vape with other guys?

• 55:56Matt McCusker?

  Only Ari Matty.

• 55:59Matt McCusker?

  That's fair. Yeah, I mean, look. Yeah, you're gonna have to like start stashing them.

• 56:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like the liquor in the attic. What's so let me get, let me get the counterpoint. What is the?

• 56:12Matt McCusker?

  What's the gruff with you vaping? It's a health risk. Yeah, and I'm getting old. And it's gay. I think it's probably equally weighted between the two. Dying and being gay? Yeah. Yeah, his vape is activated like this. Yeah, I don't. We're all gonna be old and gay. And I don't want to live a second longer than I absolutely have to. Okay.

• 56:37Matt McCusker?

  That sounds like a solid defense, honestly. I also really like get my penis sucked sometimes. So it's like, that's, that's the trade off in my life. Do you ever vape while you get it sucked? I haven't, I don't make enough money for that.

• 56:53Matt McCusker?

  Rest assured, when things hit for me, I will be moving different. That's true.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Baby, you in the mood for a little blue raz?

• 57:00Matt McCusker?

  Have you tried to share the vape? Be like, just get in on this thing. Hit a little bit. Yeah, that's a good move.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  Would you be in the having vape smoke blown into your dick hole?

• 57:09Matt McCusker?

  She goes, no, I'm not a gay guy. Devastating, bro. That hurts. That hurts. Okay. That hurts. I mean. I might switch to Goony and say, is this preferable? Now I know women's names online that I send $5 to. Is this better than me hitting the frozen white mango? While I, while I play marathon? Is that, is that, is this different? Brother, I got a queen sized bed and my wife and I are fighting right now. Come over when we're done.

• 57:34Matt McCusker?

  We'll each hold one end of the phone and I'll show you Shake Sadie Andrews new video.

• 57:40Matt McCusker?

  The question is, what do you want?

• 57:44Matt McCusker?

  I don't even fucking know, man. Just want to be left alone.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Come goon, man.

• 57:51Matt McCusker?

  True. Come goon, man, is my Vietnamese friend in high school. Look, I think we all should just chill out, go on menchat.com, go off some steam. Just have it out, talk to the bros.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  You would go to menchat first, then gay.com? You think, what would happen if, would you get spit out instead of sucked in?

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  Well, I think we're, I don't know. I, I think, you know, the crazy thing is, is like, as a guy jerking off online, recording yourself, there's a market for you pretty much always. So, I was like, are we too old for menchat? We be the guys asking for the vids or like, what the hell, what do I even do on there? I don't know.

• 58:31Matt McCusker?

  We should all go get some new outfits.

• 58:34Matt McCusker?

  You should go on menchat.com and just videotape yourself vaping. There's probably, I, I would imagine there's gay guys that want to see you vaping. Bro, now you're like, this is business. Now you're, now you're here with business, babe. I can't let that slide. I'm on menchat.com. We could all hit the vape. Dude, we could all, we could all hit the white peach mango and call it gang vape.

• 59:07Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fuck.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  There's gonna be a gang vape tab.

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's great. I don't know. There's no, there's no easy answer for this stuff. There's no definitive.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  I think it would go like Russian nesting dolls. Like, you could probably be the, be the hunted. Matt's like the middle ground and I'm the guy that's asking for the vids.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  San Francisco nesting dolls.

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  True. I'm probably like, I'm probably sending some vids, receiving, I'd probably be hitting them like, yo, Ray, check that out.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, your liaison.

• 59:39Matt McCusker?

  I think if we, if I did sit in the middle, this would be sort of a Pokemon evolution of gay pervert.

• 59:50Matt McCusker?

  This episode is sponsored by gay.com.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  Apparently, man, looks like a twink.

• 59:58Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm a twonk.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  I'm a bear nerd.

• 59:59Matt McCusker?

  I'm actually, get it right, I'm a twonk.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  What's the difference?

• 1:00:02Matt McCusker?

  Jack twink.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 1:00:03Matt McCusker?

  It's like a hunky twink.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 1:00:05Matt McCusker?

  A twonk is when a twink puts on muscle.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Who forced you to learn that?

• 1:00:09Matt McCusker?

  Charles Plissnake.

• 1:00:13Matt McCusker?

  When I did, uh, what did you call it? Gargoyles Incorporated, he broke me off a twonk terminology and I was like, bro, thank you.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  What's it him?

• 1:00:21Matt McCusker?

  Uh, seal, I would imagine.

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  Hmm, I've heard that before.

• 1:00:25Matt McCusker?

  Bear cub, maybe? Yeah. Could be a bear cub. What would you be?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Tell me, brother. What do you think I am? Yo, go crazy in the chat if you can tell me what I am.

• 1:00:36Matt McCusker?

  I think, would you say, would you say you're honest to God, would you say you're a bear or a pig?

• 1:00:42Matt McCusker?

  Pig is high, honestly, bro, I have nothing but respect for gay pigs. You know what a pig is, right? No, tell me. Bro, so there was a guy, my brother drove trash, trash trucks. There was a trash truck driver who was just an out and out pig. So a pig is like a guy who rolls up, you know, you have the twonks, you got the seals, you got the bears. A pig, we'd be partying and hope you have, we have the airport, fucking hotel, we all partying. A pig would roll up and a pig is just like, a pig will do anything, dude.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  Wow, man.

• 1:01:12Matt McCusker?

  Clean up duty, like pigs are just like the horniest gay guys possible.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  I hope you guys are ready for some Scrapple.

• 1:01:19Matt McCusker?

  So you could be a bear. I don't want to tell you, I'm just putting all the options out there. You know what a pig, pig to me is like.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  I'm an effort guy, so I think I'd be a pig as opposed to a bear.

• 1:01:26Matt McCusker?

  It's like the seeker in Quidditch. They're like, it's the most important thing. While everyone's doing their thing, they're like really winning the game. You decide, a pig is nice. I like to think I'm a bit of a pig as well.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Can you be a twonk pig?

• 1:01:37Matt McCusker?

  I mean, bro, I think there'd be nothing more in demand than a twonk pig, a hairless twonk pig. Hairless, bro. Completely hairless. You could really get me glistening. You could wax me up. Fine, I, good luck, you even get holding me, though. I'd be, I'd be a slippery fellow.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I could picture you, I could picture you on a float.

• 1:01:57Matt McCusker?

  You're the golden snitch.

• 1:02:01Matt McCusker?

  I do have a fat ass. All your ass asses.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm, I'm, I'm bulking up for the summer. I'm caking for the summer.

• 1:02:07Matt McCusker?

  What's your ass looking like right now?

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  I'm caked. I'm historically caked.

• 1:02:10Matt McCusker?

  That's what's up.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been flipping the tire.

• 1:02:12Matt McCusker?

  Have you really?

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Matt McCusker?

  A lot of guys have no ass. I've been learning.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  It's the saddest thing in the world.

• 1:02:17Matt McCusker?

  I know. What, what do you got? Are you, you're a dog ass, right?

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  Matt's caked.

• 1:02:21Matt McCusker?

  Are you caked or dog ass?

• 1:02:22Speaker 05

  I have dog ass.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  Dog ass? Nate, Atoria's dog ass?

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I used to have it ass and now it's gone.

• 1:02:27Matt McCusker?

  You lost your ass?

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  I lost my ass.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  Gambling?

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  I used to be caked up, lost my ass.

• 1:02:31Matt McCusker?

  How'd you lose your ass?

• 1:02:33Speaker 00

  I just, I don't know. I just started sitting on it. I stopped a while. I'm sitting on it all day. Squished my ass.

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  No, I don't think you're caked up, Lamar. I think you probably got teacher ass.

• 1:02:51Matt McCusker?

  You think you got teacher ass?

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Just wide and just mushed.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  You look like, like the kind of ass that looks like you say, come here, baby.

• 1:03:01Matt McCusker?

  Teacher ass is crazy.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  Lamar, your knees don't bend inward, do they? Okay, I was just making sure. Cause that kind of dictates the shape of the big guy butt.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  You know, it gets kind of like a bloodhound mouth thing going.

• 1:03:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, there's not much variation for guys asses, honestly. Either have a fat ass or there's no ass. Really, there's not. Women, you have like heart shaped, you know, you have a lot.

• 1:03:31Matt McCusker?

  A lot of different butts.

• 1:03:34Matt McCusker?

  Well, god dang, man. I think we done did it. Where are we at here?

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  Woo! Wow, man.

• 1:03:40Matt McCusker?

  God damn.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  The twunk talk took us home.

• 1:03:42Matt McCusker?

  Twunk talk. We really slid into home. It's a consistent thread through the entire app. Perfect.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 1:03:49Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be called, the episode is definitely gay.com for sure.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  Can you get them as a last minute sponsor, you think?

• 1:03:57Matt McCusker?

  I would like to hope. You're the dad of the, you guys familiar with?

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  No, tell me about it.

• 1:04:01Matt McCusker?

  I shouldn't even talk about the fuck.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  Right now. There's a place in, uh, I think it's like New England somewhere where it's just an all male naked retreat.

• 1:04:13Matt McCusker?

  And, uh, when I first heard that, I was like, serious? That's kind of like crazy, but it's obviously just gay guys. And if you're under 33 years old, your first day is free.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Uh, Larry Bird fans?

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  Under thirty three.

• 1:04:29Matt McCusker?

  Just bird fan.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Under thirty. Under thirty, it was like thirty one or thirty two, but either way.

• 1:04:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to put the house on blast.

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  You know, there's a nasty denotation behind that.

• 1:04:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  We're gonna do that meet, meetup at the.

• 1:04:42Matt McCusker?

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Yes. Do a LAN party at the.

• 1:04:47Matt McCusker?

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  Being outside, being outside naked in the woods would rip. Undoubtedly. I would be scared to get attacked by something.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  A twunk?

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  No, it's just like some weird beast in the woods, like a fucking fox or something.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  A fox with a, a naked guy?

• 1:05:02Matt McCusker?

  Fox will steal your penis in the woods.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  That's what I worry about, man.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's so cunning. A little fox bite would get you.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  Wearing a little cloak.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  True, true.

• 1:05:11Matt McCusker?

  Sneak up and just snatch your little penis off and run away. Would you feel better clothed or is that not the issue?

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would like being clothed in the woods.

• 1:05:18Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  That way you can just get loose.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  You don't want to be naked and afraid.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I think I would, uh, bugs too.

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  Bugs, getting a bug up your butt would be terrible.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Especially you got a line.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Bug up your butt?

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Especially you got like a little slippery centipede going up there.

• 1:05:31Matt McCusker?

  I'd worry about some roly poly's having a time in my butt. Couple of those little guys just crawling up in the balls and.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  Doing a conga line.

• 1:05:39Matt McCusker?

  Ticking me with their little fucking, little feet.

• 1:05:44Matt McCusker?

  God damn. Yeah, we about landed this bird.

• 1:05:46Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  Thanks for having us.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Thank you for having us, man.

• 1:05:49Matt McCusker?

  Dude, obviously check out Dad Meat.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, baby.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  Oh, come see me on the road. I'm in, I'm in Ohio this weekend. I'm in, uh, Boston next weekend. I'm, I'm taping a thirty minute special at the Creek in the Cave with that cast digital in May. Come do that stuff, please.

• 1:06:02Matt McCusker?

  That'll be awesome.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  And check out my books at onperks.com, also, uh, patreon.com slash getting some head. I'm doing a goals and accountability group, so check that out next week.

• 1:06:10Matt McCusker?

  Hell, yeah. Also, this weekend, guys, this is really big. I'll be in Indianapolis. Um, sorry, I'm going off the gate on com interview. I mean, St. Louis at the factory on Friday and then on, uh, three fourteen, I'll be at, uh, Memorial Hall in Indianapolis, Indiana. Please come out to that. Um, and that's it. Thank you.

• 1:06:33Matt McCusker?

  Awesome. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Do it.