#631 - Free Magic

Theo is back with a special Christmas solo episode to talk about the time he and his siblings tried spying on Santa, the music inside a black heartbeat, and where you can find free magic . He also responds to some of your voicemails and gives a caller advice on how to propose. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Acorns: Go to http://acorns.com/theo to get your $20 bonus investment today! UFC on Paramount Plus: Starting in January, stream every UFC fight with Paramount+. Visit http://paramountplus.com/UFC to get started. Morgan and Morgan: Visit https://forthepeople.com/THEO to see if you might have a case. Morgan and Morgan. America's Largest Injury Law Firm. Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at https://comet.perplexity.ai/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Theo Von?

  Good day, good week holiday, Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone who is alive, I guess, at a good start, you know, cuz yeah. And ghosts, I guess, if there's some ghost. Ghosts, I guess, do they celebrate things like that? I guess they do. Yeah. I wonder if it's fun celebrating something if you're a ghost or not, like? I wonder if you have a lot of friends if you're a ghost?

• 0:38Theo Von?

  Cuz a lot of times people see one ghost, they'll be like, oh, we call it, you know, somebody saw this ghost or whatever, he was hiding behind a tree or something, he was just being scared, you know?

• 0:48Theo Von?

  You know, like, woo, just doing vowels or whatever, just woo, you know? But they never like, oh yeah, we saw some ghosts, some dope ass ghosts,

• 0:59Theo Von?

  that were just fucking bawling, that were hooping or something?

• 1:04Theo Von?

  Or just like, yeah, we saw some ghosts, they were vaping and, you know, laughing together and maybe splitting a brownie or something, or just doing like something fun, okay? Yeah, I don't know, I never really thought about that. What are?

• 1:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, so I don't, yeah, anyway, doesn't matter. All that matters is, um, is the spirit. The spirit of Christmas, that's what's going on right now.

• 1:32Theo Von?

  It's that time, you hear the music, that's what gets me into it, you know?

• 1:37Theo Von?

  They say it's Christmas. And they say it's Christmas. Now, a lot of the, a lot of the radio channels now, it's like very Latino, you know?

• 1:53Theo Von?

  It's like, um, they said the newborn king. Ba dum ba bum bum. And then you'll have one. They said the newborn king. Ba dum ba bum bum. Ba dum ba bum bum. That's what's up, bro. Last night, we let the liquor talk. But yeah, I love the Christmas, the Christmas, the energy. That's what I got to embrace. You know, see somebody and you just, just give them a little hug. Or if they don't like you to hug them, I'll do this sometimes. I still take two hands, tap them on the shoulder like that. Give them that little penguin hug, that little, that little perverted butterfly hug.

• 2:38Theo Von?

  Just. Just let them, some people don't like a damn hug. Some people don't like a hug and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm a cactus. Don't touch me. But sometimes I just wanna, I just, I just wanna hug. I won't ask for a hug though. That's who I am. I ain't no hoe, you feel me? Ho, ho, ho, sorry. I know Santa gets offended if you say I ain't no hoe. Cause that's his thing, but uh, yeah, you know, I won't ask for a hug.

• 3:20Theo Von?

  I'll stand by you and look like I need a hug. Or do some shit, or just do some shit like this, you know? What's up? Ba dum ba bum bum. But I won't be the one to ask for a hug. But I'll need a hug. But I won't ask for a hug. Now I'll stand by you like, you know, I'll loiter. I'll loiter right around your arms and chest. But I won't ask for that hug, but I need it. But I won't ask for it. So that's kinda who I am. Let's listen to a little music to get us in the spirit and then we're just gonna get into some calls from you guys.

• 4:00Theo Von?

  And thank you so much, uh, thank you so much for, uh, just letting us be together right now.

• 4:08Theo Von?

  That's really nice.

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Here we go, right here. This is, uh...

• 4:15Theo Von?

  Some sounds we like to check out every year, and this is "Christmas Miracle" by One Man Quartet.

• 4:35Theo Von?

  Mmm, that's nice.

• 4:40Theo Von?

  What's happening, homes?

• 4:48Theo Von?

  This is like nighttime, kind of. There's a candle, maybe?

• 4:56Theo Von?

  This is Santa. We're waiting for Santa. Everything's out and the kids are asleep.

• 5:02Theo Von?

  This is kind of the, just the ambiance that's in the energy downstairs if you sneak downstairs and look at the tree.

• 5:12Theo Von?

  That was the most fun.

• 5:15Theo Von?

  That was the most fun, as a kid was sneaking down there and looking, like, "Oh, is he here yet?" And you knew he wasn't there. It was just like 10:30 at night, the Christmas Eve. And you'd go down there...

• 5:27Theo Von?

  And you'd, my siblings would all, like, we had to come down the stairs and then go like around the edge of the wall, and then you could kind of see the living room and stuff. There was still like the, like a little dinner table, but then you had, then you could see the, uh, the living room. And, yeah, that was, it was just like, "Is he here? Daddy, come." And we would all kind of like bottleneck at the bottom of the stairs in our pajamas and shit, and we would, like, we would be like, "Do, no, you're not going, you're not going." And our sisters, they were little, so they were like, "Fuck", you know? They didn't have any rights or whatever at the time, because they were women also. And, um, and so we had to, we were like, "You're not going. We'll tell you what we see." You know, and they're like, "Tell us what you see."

• 6:12Theo Von?

  And then we'd sneak around and then, and then once we got around, my brother was older than me. So then he took jurisdiction, you know, but he also had bad eyesight.

• 6:22Theo Von?

  He was born, I think he didn't have, his levels in his eyes were off. He had, you know, he didn't have enough water in his eyes or something. So he'd have to fucking, you know, he'd have to splash water in his fucking eyes every 40 minutes. So he could even get a gander in, at anything. Shit, I remember at his birthday, he'd miss the candles if he didn't rub a little bit of water in his eyes just to kinda, you know, sometimes if you, if you heat up some, um,

• 6:45Theo Von?

  if you heat up some, uh, leftovers, like I'll drip a little water on them. That's how, that's me.

• 6:52Theo Von?

  I'll crack open a leftover if it's in a container. I'll pour, you know, about a 11th of a cup of water on that, whatever. I don't care what it is. Lasagna, piece of bread, whatever, focaccia, whatever's going on. You know, hint of, hint of spice, hint of tomato. I will pour some, I'll just drip that bitch out.

• 7:11Theo Von?

  And then put it in the micro and bam. But that was like my brother, if he, if we didn't, you know, if mom didn't spray a little bit of water in his eyes right before he blew out the candles on his birthday cake, he'd miss that bitch. He'd just be spraying a,

• 7:27Theo Von?

  he'd spray, just, just be spraying a cold right out of another disc and miss the whole cake.

• 7:33Theo Von?

  But anyway, so at that point, you know, we, my brother would be like, and once, once we turned the corner of the stairs, it was me and him. So my sisters were like at the back and, and they didn't know shit. And they only knew what we told them and we lied to them because we were family. And so we would go and have to get closer to the tree and sneak up. And my mom's bedroom was right off of the living room.

• 7:58Theo Von?

  And so we had to be quiet and the carpet was kinda wet because our apartment was sinking a little bit, like by the kitchen area. And so you fucking, bro, your knees would start getting all wet, you know? But it helped my brother because he could just put his hands into the carpet and then rub them into his eyes and activate those bitches. So we would get closer and be like, is he here, is he here? And then we would just see, we would see the tree and the lights. And it would just kinda look like it had during the daytime a little bit. Like definitely more mysterious and night timey and the stockings. And it was all just kinda magical.

• 8:37Theo Von?

  It was just like a thing of like possibility, you know? What were we gonna get? What was gonna happen tomorrow? Everything was gonna be great. Something new was coming, you know? It was just...

• 8:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, there was just, I don't know, there was just something just so magical about that scenario. And I remember we had the colored lights on the Christmas tree and I didn't really like them. They looked a little cheesy, I thought, sometimes. But at this time at night, it just looked kinda nice. And the stockings just hanging there. And he'd be like, "Oh, we'd have to just, "up, oh, go back, go back." My brother would be like, "Go back, you little [bleep] or whatever." And I'm like, "What?" And, uh, and we'd get back to the stairs.

• 9:30Theo Von?

  And my sisters would be like, "What did you see?" And I'd be like, "Fuck you. You don't know shit." Yeah, we just, as the kind of family we were. And, uh, but yeah, there was just something beautiful about it. But no, we'd be like, "He's not here." Or sometimes we would do this. "Yes, all the gifts are out there. He already came, but you guys have to go to bed." We would kinda take this superior role with a lie. We'd be like, "He already came, but you guys have to go to bed." Or, "Maybe he's not coming? I don't know. We're one of y'all bad this year? What have you guys been doing? Who's been showing their tits or whatever out on the street? Right by the highway, because we did live by a highway. Right next to that bitch." Like, if your hair was wet in the morning, you could put it right outside.

• 10:15Theo Von?

  Like, hanging out the window at the apartment. And in the morning, you know, that was high-traffic time. And if enough semis went by, just the wind would whip up and just dry your shit right into a beautiful look. God, you'd look good. And people were like, "What do you have in your hair? You like fucking 18-speed, you know? I got a ham, I got a damn Mac, I got, uh, oh, just new wins off a Mac truck." So, but that was fun, man. That was a good time. And that, that music reminds me of that a little bit. God, those memories were nice. You know, memories are so nice because they can really take you into a place.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Oh, this is another, this is another song. This is hip hop, ready for Christmas. Let's listen to a little bit of this.

• 11:15Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 11:40Theo Von?

  Okay, this one Christmas is gonna get a little bit black. You know what I'm saying?

• 11:48Theo Von?

  Santa pulling up, eh? This the kind of look like, say if you're a white guy and you see it, you're in high school and you see your sister talking to, uh, flirting with a black guy. And you're okay with it. This is the kind of music that backs that up. Like, alright.

• 12:08Theo Von?

  Okay, go ahead, Allison. She doing her shit.

• 12:16Theo Von?

  So that's that kind of, that's a Christmas beat right there. I feel like that kind of fits, you know?

• 12:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, if you see your sister flirting with black guys at school and you're okay with it.

• 12:28Theo Von?

  That's that heartbeat right there, that black heartbeat.

• 12:34Theo Von?

  Dude, you ever heard of black heartbeat? That shit, that's different, bro. Go, go put your ear up to a black guy's chest, dude, which I know sounds very dangerous, right? Overall, it's, yeah. Black guy, they're not gonna welcome that. They're not, they're not gonna do it. You know, a lot of them turn, turn into that guy. Who's that guy on, uh, that plays for Golden State or whatever that always beat people and the media acted like it was okay all the time? He would just punch white dudes?

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Draymond?

• 13:01Theo Von?

  Yes. Yes. That dude.

• 13:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, which shit seemed hella racial to me, but um. But yeah, that dude that was always, I think he did hit a mixed guy also. But um. Yeah, so I'm just saying, some guys, you can put your ear up to their chest, they'll be, they might be okay with it. Some guys might get Draymond on you.

• 13:27Theo Von?

  But I think a black heartbeat is different. That shit got drums, it got probably some 808s trap beat. Like, if you ever go to a doctor's office and he puts the stethoscope and he puts it up to a black guy's heart, he'll listen sometimes for 20 minutes. There's different tracks, there's fucking, you'll have somebody feature on somebody's heartbeat. You're like, holy shit, this heartbeat has, there's a, you know, there's Lil Durk's on it. You know, this is, there's Youngboy and Bailey Zimmerman, like, what's going on?

• 13:55Theo Von?

  So, uh, like, damn, holy shit, what do you? You got some Big X the plug in you. So there's that that happens where, oh, the white heartbeat is just like.

• 14:09Theo Von?

  But that black heartbeat, that shit's got, it's got symbols, it's got, um. It's just got different, you know, it's got different levels, they got a horn section.

• 14:27Theo Von?

  That shit's trapping, bro, so that's what I'm saying, bro. This shit has a little bit of that black heartbeat vibe right here.

• 14:43Theo Von?

  Yui.

• 14:45Theo Von?

  Yui, see ya. Say ah, Yui.

• 14:52Theo Von?

  So there we go, a little bit more Christmas music right there, getting into it.

• 14:58Theo Von?

  We did have some calls that came in. Uh, the hotline is always 985-664-9503.

• 15:07Theo Von?

  And we had talked about some things.

• 15:11Theo Von?

  In the last episode, we'd spoken about. You know, people doing different challenges. There was Movember, where you grow out a mustache for epilepsy or whatever. I can't remember.

• 15:25Theo Von?

  Or there was Six Shit June or whatever. What was it? Sixteen Shit June?

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:31Theo Von?

  Sixteen Shit June, where people were only doing sixteen deficits in June. For, um, to support seizures or whatever. I'm not even sure what it was. I think it was seizures. Let me see, let me look that up. Six. Sixteen, sorry. Sixteen. Shit.

• 15:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, for seizures. So you had that. You had No Nut November. You had Forty Fart March. You had all these different things that people are trying to do to support, to raise causes. You know, like, remember a couple of years ago, they were dumping ice on, uh, on people with Down Syndrome or whatever to help them out?

• 16:16Theo Von?

  But yeah, anyway, we had some calls in with people saying, well, what were the, what were similar things like that that they'd had in their time? Is there another one that you remember, Trevin?

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Um, I think it was actually Eleven Shit June to get specific, so less than.

• 16:30Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Anyways, um, talking about a call that came in that I remembered?

• 16:35Theo Von?

  No, was there any other ones that you remember that people do annually?

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, um, Two Thousand September?

• 16:42Theo Von?

  Oh, yes. People only taking a certain amount of steps in a certain month. Oh, Sober October, that's another one. That's a big one. So there's these things that start to happen. Um, and then people called in with a few of their own, so let's hit them right here. Here we go.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Hey, Theo, this is Sonny from Phoenix, Arizona, and I just wanted to tell you that every-

• 17:03Theo Von?

  Sonny, it's Sonny in Phoenix. Heh, come on, guy. Oh, young Lois.

• 17:14Theo Von?

  Sorry. But that's a sound I would make if I were a cat. I'd be like

• 17:20Theo Von?

  And then every now and then I'd be like, you're a [bleep] it or whatever. Anyway, let's hear more, brother. Thank you for calling.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  Every year here in Phoenix, we do a little thing called No Burr October. It's where you don't actually get cold all October long.

• 17:35Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  And you know, it's actually not something that anyone is trying to do. It's just circumstantially so hot here in Phoenix that no one ever gets cold the entire month of October. You have to wear like no shirt on Halloween. You know, you gotta wear a slutty costume on Halloween just to survive.

• 17:54Theo Von?

  I don't know. It sounds like you're just trying to meet guys or whatever out there. But whatever, dude, I agree with you. It's a very sunburned area. You know, I lived out there in Tucson for a little while. You'll get sunburned just looking at, you know. You go outside and you're sunburned. You don't know what to do. Dude, I would go to get the mail and I wouldn't know how to get back home. I would be dehydrated. I would have to, you know. I'd have to have somebody from the cartel help me get back to my yard, get have hire a coyote to get me to. So yeah. It's alarmingly hot out there. Um, but you know it. That's the crazy thing. Some of those people are like, man, it's I can't believe it's it's so hot today. Like, no shit.

• 18:37Theo Von?

  It was it was hot yesterday. It was hot 700 days ago. It was hot 58 days ago. So you just don't know patterns. That's the problem.

• 18:46Theo Von?

  You don't know how patterns work, dude.

• 18:49Theo Von?

  Ba dum ba bum bum, the deer, the reindeers are coming. Dude, the first time you had a Mexican dude like singing, um, like Christmas carols, that like early Mexican dudes that came to America, they didn't fucking know the words to them bitches, homie. They did not know the words to the Christmas carols, you know? They'd be like, I'm dreaming of a of a Christmas for whites and others.

• 19:23Theo Von?

  You know, like be changing the lyrics to try to diversify their portfolio a bit. And I respect it, but that's, you know, it's just kind of wild, you know? Maybe like, um, a rudo, that it no surrender. You're a man, eh, eh, baby. They were just fucking kind of, eh, what's up, huh? Let me see that skirt, mommy. You're like, what the fuck? Anyway, let's hear another one that came in. Yeah, no burr. It's no burr out there. It ain't cold at all. Let's see. Well, we got here, another one came on.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  What up, Theo? Jason here.

• 20:03Theo Von?

  Good day, Jason, and happy, uh, Merry Christmas to you, brother. Onward.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Uh, so you asked on episode 629 to give some recommendations for things like no, no nut November and such. I, one of the coolest ones that I started doing about five years ago was every day of May challenge. So for every day of May, I do a certain amount of pushups. It started off with every day of May, I'm gonna do a hundred pushups. Uh, two years ago, my every day of May challenge was every day of May, I'll do 500 pushups a day.

• 20:34Theo Von?

  500 pushups? Man, you're gonna be up then. You're gonna be as up, all the way up. What? That's amazing. Onward.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Every day of May, I'll do 500 pushups a day, every day of May. I think it's a really good thing to push on to people. I think it's, it's a great way to kick off. It's like the middle of the year. We've kind of all pissed off with our, you know, we stopped doing our yearly, uh, what are they called? New Year's revolution, uh, New Year's.

• 21:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, you don't even know what it's called, dude. So obviously you're not getting it done, and that's fine. Sorry. Go up more, more.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  Uh, resolutions where you, you know, I'm gonna work out this year. Everyone's kind of stopped already, but, but you know about that one since you did not call it out. Wanted to let you know that love you, Theo. All of us fans, love you. You're the best.

• 21:25Theo Von?

  Thank you, brother. I appreciate the nice words, man. Every day in May, that's a nice one.

• 21:31Theo Von?

  Cause it kinda takes on a challenge, you know? Like, once, there was this thing that was going around a while back, it was like 76 hard or something? And it was like, you had to meet somebody that was born in 1976 and show them your cock, you feel me? Uh, anyway, yeah. But that, yeah, that's what you would hear, like, that's an old trucker joke. But, uh, but yeah, I like that every day in May. Cause that, you're saying, hey, I'm gonna do something here. Cause people have New Year's revolutions and them bitches are horrible, you know? My buddies was like, yeah, he's like, I'm not gonna stalk my ex and I'm gonna learn a new language. I'm like, whoa. That's good, it's a lot, you know, it just could be a lot. So, anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about, who cares? It's the end of the year, dude.

• 22:16Theo Von?

  I mean, I used up all my good words throughout the year. I'm at the bottom of the bag, dude. I'm just down here shaking vowels around, you know? You know what stopped me from investing in the past was, uh, just that I, I, I didn't know. I didn't know the value of putting away a little bit at a time. I didn't know that it builds on itself, that it can create more, which can create more. I didn't know that time was really my greatest asset. I felt like I just didn't have enough money at the time. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. It's easy.

• 22:58Theo Von?

  You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer available at acorns.com/theo. That's A-C-O-R-N-S dot com slash T-H-E-O. To get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com/terms for details.

• 23:45Theo Von?

  Paramount Plus is the new home of UFC. That's right, fans. Starting in January, you can stream every UFC fight live with your Paramount Plus subscription. Tune in for marquee numbered events featuring MMA's biggest stars. And epic fight nights that showcase hungry contenders from all weight classes. Set the stage with pre-fight interviews and training camp access through UFC Countdown and UFC Embedded. Miss about? Don't sweat it. Paramount Plus will have replays and highlights of all the events. You can also check out the archives to relive iconic championship fights and unforgettable finishes. UFC fans, this is a whole new era.

• 24:30Theo Von?

  It's time to say goodbye to pay-per-view and hello to Paramount Plus. Stream every fight live with one subscription. Visit paramountplus.com/ufc to get started. That's paramountplus.com/ufc. That's a good one. Every day in May. Here we go. We got another one that came in.

• 24:53Speaker 04

  Hey, Theo, this is Charlie from Cincinnati.

• 24:56Theo Von?

  Charlie from Cincinnati. Hooah! Shout out Charlie, boy.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Hey, I just wanted to call in and comment on the, you know, you talking about 2000 September, we got, oh, what'd you say, 11 shit June?

• 25:13Theo Von?

  It's 16, but yes, onward.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  You know, me and my family, a lot of times around the holidays, what we'll do, you know, we'll do a, and maybe not me personally, but I know a lot of the, a lot of the ladies in my family, they like to do a 40 Queef Kwanzaa.

• 25:29Theo Von?

  Ooh, 40 Queef Kwanzaa, wow. Yeah, I, um, yeah, I, I, I didn't even know it, you know, gazuntite. Uh, yeah, let me get you, let me get your family a box of Kleenex, brother. Let's hear more, brother.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  If you know what I'm saying. Uh, let me know if, uh, if you know anybody in, uh, in your life that, that likes to do a 40 Queef Kwanzaa.

• 25:54Theo Von?

  Let me, let you know, I don't know, you told us about it. So I don't even know about it. That's new to me. Um, but that's a great one. That is a great one, man. And that's tough, I think, to, to, I don't know how you exactly arrange that.

• 26:10Theo Von?

  Because I don't know if that's a seasonal thing. I don't know if that's definitely like something that happens more in the spring to women. Because of uh pollen. If that's bigger. If that brings it on or whatever. Um. Alright, let's get another couple of calls here. That came in.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  Hi, D O um. I've been uh I've been watching you for a while and I really like uh. I really it really helps uh with the situations people go through hearing them out and uh. It just makes everything easier. Right now I'm going through a situation. I didn't ever think I would be the one to be calling you, but it is. Things end up how they are. I just need some advice right now and I don't know what to do um. My girlfriend, um I've been with my girlfriend for four years and.

• 27:01Theo Von?

  Okay, thank you, brother, for sharing that information. Let's hear more.

• 27:04Speaker 05

  And um. She's basically, I'm I'm twenty-two to start off. I'm twenty-two. She's nineteen. We started, we started dating young. Uh about four years ago and uh she really changed my life and. I wasn't on the right path and uh she helped me out a lot and she got me through addiction. She got me through. All my problems in my life and I I left my house to be with her. I left my home with my family when I was eighteen years old. I I wasn't living in a. In an ideal spot, so I I decided to leave and. Pursue a life with her and it it it's we've been up and down over the years, but it just came to a point where. I guess she got bored or tired or. I don't know, because she she just lost interest in me and.

• 27:50Speaker 05

  We recently decided to split, not split, but just like take a break and. I left the apartment that we lived in for a little bit to go be with my family just for like a month or two, just to. Take some time apart and um I just received the text a week ago that. She ended up getting pregnant by another guy.

• 28:07Theo Von?

  Oof.

• 28:09Speaker 05

  And um.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  It's just uh. It just hurts. I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to tell. I don't know.

• 28:17Theo Von?

  Well, thanks for uh yeah, thanks for letting us know what's what's going on, brother. Yeah, if you leave your apartment for a month or something and somebody and your and your ex or your girl gets pregnant, that's a tough thing.

• 28:32Theo Von?

  That's wild. You know, if I'm real honest with you, when you talked about the buildup to you guys' relationship, you said that, you know, she helped you get through addiction, she helped you with this, and she kind of helped solve all your problems and you guys moved in together. It felt like to me,

• 28:50Theo Von?

  that you were putting way too many, you was putting way too many candles on the altar of her for y'alls, uh, for your well-being.

• 29:02Theo Von?

  You know, like, she's the reason for all of these things, as opposed to you're the reason for some of them. Or you guys' union, I think, can be the, can be a catalyst for more positivity, but to put that much energy where it's like, she was the reason everything got better and I left my family to be with her. It just, um, that feels like it's a lot. It felt like a lot of pressure. Which is okay, bro. I mean, I definitely, yeah, I put, yeah, I had, like, when I was in a relationship, it would be like, this girl was almost like,

• 29:36Theo Von?

  you know, it'd be like a girlfriend, but also like times she was like, she was like my mother, it was just like, there was all this weird other energy that I was attaching that I didn't know it to the relationship I was in. So I was expecting, like, this girlfriend to be so many things.

• 29:55Theo Von?

  And more than a human could really be, because, you know, you gotta be, you know, you gotta stand on your own business of your, of your own feelings in your heart. You gotta have ten toes on you.

• 30:09Theo Von?

  So, yeah, I just felt like, man, it felt like you were putting a lot on that. And no judgment, I'm not judging, I'm just kind of looking at it.

• 30:19Theo Von?

  Dude, yeah, I was like, oh.

• 30:23Theo Von?

  One time I stayed with a girl that I was, you know, I thought I was in love with them, but really I was just, I didn't want to be alone type shit. I also, dude, I once stayed with a girl, this is the worst thing to even admit, god, I feel horrible. I stayed with a girl that I couldn't stand. I couldn't really stand her. I loved her also, though, at the same time, and if, and that's how love works. You know what I'm saying? Love, I'll give you a bouquet of flowers, but it'll have a, uh, it'll have a knife in the middle of it. You know, that's just how love is.

• 30:57Theo Von?

  But dude, I stayed with this girl one time cuz I didn't want her to find a guy. I didn't want her to find a guy that would actually, uh, care about her.

• 31:08Theo Von?

  That's crazy, bro.

• 31:11Theo Von?

  That's crazy and I feel, I didn't know at the time that's what I was doing. And, but yeah, that's what I was like, man, I'm not breaking up with her cuz she might find somebody that actually cares about her. Fuck, that's crazy. Does that sound too crazy to even say, Trevin?

• 31:28Speaker 01

  No, I mean, I think it's like the mentality, if I can't have her, no one can.

• 31:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, just like desperate young shit. You know, that Romeo and, uh, Julian type shit. You know? A- and that's the street version of Romeo and Julie at Romeo and Julian, bro. And that's gay too, bro. Romeo and Julian sounds hella gay. Hollywood will probably come out with it in a week. Romeo and Julian. Alright.

• 32:02Theo Von?

  Fuck it, I forgot to even give this guy a suggestion. But yeah, I think if she got, I think it's just, it's, it's time to let it go. It's time to move on and, and it's time to tell yourself like, uh, cuz it's, it's, it's, it's tough to put the responsibility of our own feelings about ourself onto ourself.

• 32:26Theo Von?

  It's easy if I can be like, oh, if she's mad at me, or if this is good, or this is always a problem with her, then, then that keeps me from dealing with anything about me.

• 32:40Theo Von?

  You know, I would always have a problem when I was in an early relationship, I'd always have a, I would jealous, ton of jealousy. Oh. I was so jealous.

• 32:52Theo Von?

  So, yeah, I think it's tough, bro, it's tough to look at ourselves.

• 32:59Theo Von?

  Because if I have somebody else, then, you know,

• 33:04Theo Von?

  but if I just got me, oh, how scary does that feel?

• 33:11Theo Von?

  That's why when I see a candle, I'm always like, "That bitch is brave."

• 33:17Theo Von?

  When I see a fire, that's just like a big orgy or whatever. That's just a big orgy. But I see a candle, I'm like, "Damn, that bitch is standing on business right there."

• 33:29Theo Von?

  So, yeah. Look, man, and if they're having a child or they're in love or something, don't get in there and be raising that child or whatever, buying that little, uh, little, little, little, little tot. Don't, don't be buying that little whipper snapper, a little bicycle or whatever, or get him a little, uh, shiffa robe or something. Don't be doing all of that shit. Don't go down that path.

• 33:51Theo Von?

  I think you gotta stand on your own shit and get out, get out into your own life, bruh.

• 33:57Theo Von?

  That's what I feel like. And also, God bless, bruh, type shit.

• 34:02Theo Von?

  I'm gonna do a hat toss for you, bruh.

• 34:06Theo Von?

  Shout out to 845 Hat Toss, bruh. Alright. We got a thang right here. That fella called up.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Hey, Theo, uh, I've just been listening to a couple of your podcasts a lot recently, and I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend, uh, three to almost four years. Um, what's some advice that you would give on doing that, and what's something I could add into doing it?

• 34:34Theo Von?

  Well, look, I think you gotta add some, you have to add some, something to it. You have to add some charm. Because here's the thing, then engagement is kind of the first real moment of a marriage, right? And if that means something, if you put something into that, you're gonna put something in everything.

• 34:49Theo Von?

  Maybe, I don't know. Shit, I might be out of my mind, whatever, I don't know. But I saw this one the other day, and this one kind of disappointed me a little bit. And this is a fella, you can't see this, but this is a fella in a, uh, in a small home, I believe, I believe it's a trailer home, probably. Um, and he's asking his lady...

• 35:06Theo Von?

  To marry her, he gets up in the living room. Um, near the television, it looks like Masked Singer or something is on. But that's not part of the engagement story, it's just he's standing up. And they got a series of, uh, a pit bulls running around, beautiful little animals running around. And here we go, he stands up and he's got a, a ring with him, here we go, and he's beckoning her to get off of the couch to come over and, and see him, and I believe the mother-in-law or a friend is recording, let's go.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  You gonna fart?

• 35:36Theo Von?

  Come here.

• 35:38Speaker 06

  You gonna dance? No.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Baby?

• 35:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:53Theo Von?

  And that's it, she takes the ring, doesn't even hug the guy, walks over to the sofa. So yeah, that is just a while, like, he, he, he gets, kinda gets down on his knees, like, or he's standing in the living room, and he's like, "Come over here. Come here." I mean, that's not a way to say, "Come here, come here." You know, like you're fucking Mortal Kombat, like. Uh, and here's the craziest part. She goes, "You gonna fart?" Like, that's where, you know, and that's almost beautiful, I guess, in a way. Because it's like,

• 36:24Theo Von?

  that if you did do a nice fart or something, during the holidays, that you'd want your loved one to be there for it, that's, there's something very tribal about that, and very, um,

• 36:37Theo Von?

  you know, uh, symptomatic or something, maybe, I don't know. But, but yeah, but in this instance, you can just tell it's not. So anyway, yeah. You don't wanna beckon your girl over to hit the need to propose, and she thinks, "Oh, you're gonna fart." "And you want me to get over there and be a witness to it." Now, also, having someone to witness a great fart is...

• 37:03Theo Von?

  It's nice, but I think it's also nice, like one of my favorite things that Shane Gillis ever told me was that,

• 37:11Theo Von?

  when he was in high school, they would sit in the pews because they were at a Catholic school, and they would sit in the pews during mass.

• 37:20Theo Von?

  And every now and then, somebody would just rip a butt wrangler off of the wooden pews and during complete silence, when all your friends were in there. And it would just be, I still think about, I still laugh at that sometimes when I'm walking around. So, yeah, there's different degrees of handling that, but you want to do something nice. You want to do something that means something.

• 37:46Theo Von?

  So, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just being creative. Be creative. Get creative. Make something.

• 37:54Theo Von?

  And it can be, it can be silly. It can be kind of ridiculous. It could be a scavenger hunt. It could be, maybe you feed the ring to an animal.

• 38:05Theo Von?

  Maybe you guys like to hunt, right? So you hide the ring in some feed for an animal. The animal eats it. Then you guys go out, hunt.

• 38:16Theo Von?

  Hunt the animal. You get the animal butchered or whatever.

• 38:21Theo Von?

  And then she, you guys are, you make the meal, bam, is venison or something. You crack it open.

• 38:30Theo Von?

  And, yeah, will you marry me? And then, uh, so I'm, yeah, there's different ways to do it. But that's it. I just think make it mean something, man. And whatever that means to her as well.

• 38:44Theo Von?

  Like what would make her think it's nice? What would make her? What would mean something?

• 38:52Theo Von?

  You know, just don't let it be a fart, bro.

• 38:57Theo Von?

  All right. Let's get into another caller too.

• 39:03Speaker 07

  What's up, D.O. It's, uh, Jack from good old Midland, Texas.

• 39:10Theo Von?

  We did a shot there in Midland, man. Thank you for the call, Jack Onward.

• 39:14Speaker 07

  And, um, I don't know, I was just gonna talk about, I feel like sometimes I, I get, I get a rush to grow up.

• 39:25Speaker 07

  I'm eighteen years old, uh, I graduated high school as a junior, uh, I'm already working. Like, I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I get in a rush, man, like, like I need to slow down, but I also need to get my life together. I don't know. I was just gonna see if you had your mind.

• 39:46Theo Von?

  Thanks, brother. Thanks. Sorry to cut you off. Uh, thank you for the call. Yeah.

• 39:54Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, I've, ah, I rush through everything.

• 40:00Theo Von?

  All right, yeah, I don't wanna be in anything. I don't wanna, oh, I gotta be here, I gotta stay, I gotta do.

• 40:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:12Theo Von?

  I got commitment to the, I got commitment sometimes just to life, to moments. I, you know, it's hard to slow it down enough.

• 40:25Theo Von?

  But I think also some of that rush is you wanna be able to control things. Well, if I can get freedom to have some money, if I can get freedom to have me own place, if I can get freedom to have me own car, me own wheels, me own, uh, station wagon or whatever, me own wheelbarrow, me own pressure washer, you know, me own bass boat, me own girlfriend, me, you know. Then you're controlling, you're not in anybody else's orbit, really. You're in control of things. So some of that's kinda nice.

• 40:55Theo Von?

  You know, when they say discipline equals freedom as well, I mean Jaco Willink preaches that and that you get things going, you get things organized and get things cracking. I mean, even if like I talked about with that investing app and stuff that I like, it's like, uh, you know, that planning ahead and that strategize and it helps. You know, if I'd have invested a little bit of change early, I'd have money now. So I think there's, there's some, there's a lot of value to that. But dang, yeah. But yeah. Oh dude, I always want to get through this to get to that. Oh, it'll be better then. Let's just get to that.

• 41:37Theo Von?

  I'm always out here looking in the distance. And I'll be tripping over beautiful shit while I'm just looking at who knows what? That's a million miles away. And I don't know if it's bad or good. I think you're like you're saying, like you said right in here, you said, let's play it.

• 42:03Speaker 07

  Um, I'm already working. Like, I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I get in a rush, man. Like, like I need to slow down, but I also need to get my life together.

• 42:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, slow down, rush, you know, get my life together.

• 42:19Speaker 07

  I don't know. I was just gonna say, you mind?

• 42:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, so that's it, man. You're, you're doing fine. Meditation will help you slow down for sure to give you a little bit of peace even in moments of, uh, overwhelmedness. So that's, that might be all you need. Really sticking to some meditation, man. That way you can be going fast, but you're slow on the inside, baby. You're in control, you got a cockpit. You're not just running around with your cock. Type shit, boys. Praise God. That's what's up. Hey, Santa. Hey.

• 42:55Theo Von?

  Let's say you write a letter to Santa telling him how good you've been this year. And then you hand it to your mail carrier, but your mail carrier is the Grinch. There's a reason why you wouldn't let the Grinch deliver holiday mail. Just like there's a reason why Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. When you have a problem, you want experts to handle it. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting for the people for over 35 years. With over $25 billion recovered for their clients, Morgan and Morgan knows a thing or two about fighting to get you the compensation you deserve. Not all law firms are the same.

• 43:37Theo Von?

  Hire the wrong one and you may be beat before you even start. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan and their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com/theo. That's F-O-R-thepeople.com/theo. This is a paid advertisement. Let's see if one of the call came in.

• 44:02Speaker 08

  Yeah, so I went, I thought it'd be a fun thing to take my wife to a rage room and we went out for dinner first and everything was good. We wasn't arguing or anything and we went in this rage room. Hell, she started beating, beating the piss out of me. And really pissed me off. I don't know why she done it, but kinda turned me on. I wanted to swing back, but she had a bat in her hand and that didn't look, didn't look too fun.

• 44:42Speaker 08

  But it would've been kinda hard to fight her when I was bricked up, you know? But we went home and had a quiet ride home. As soon as we got home, I was so bricked up. I just ended up just plowing that thing, you know, like, uh, like, you know what I mean?

• 45:02Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, 40 acres and a mule, baby.

• 45:04Speaker 08

  I was just wondering your advice on that. I don't even know what brought it on.

• 45:09Theo Von?

  Well, look, there's something, if you watch a woman beat the shit out of a damn Honda Civic or whatever and break all the windows and headlights out of that bitch with a baseball bat.

• 45:23Theo Von?

  And you don't get erect.

• 45:28Theo Von?

  Then you some kind of little hoe.

• 45:32Theo Von?

  I mean shit like that turn me on dude.

• 45:37Theo Von?

  Especially where I grew up dude. Every now and then you see a woman come out there angry at her husband or some guy that was having sex with her and not uh and not claiming her and uh you'd see a woman come out there and beat the fuck and just beat the dang uh headlights out of his um Caprice Classic. Psh, psh, god, hell yeah.

• 46:07Theo Von?

  That's something, no man, there's nothing wrong with getting erect if you see a woman beating the shit out of something with a bat.

• 46:15Theo Von?

  I mean that's why I love the whole movie of uh League of Their Own, that's what the whole movie is.

• 46:21Theo Von?

  So there's nothing wrong with that.

• 46:25Theo Von?

  God, yeah. Now you're also lucky, I can't keep an erection around broken glass. Cannot do it. Dude, if my wiener hears a wind to shatter within probably eighty yards, that thing just punks a tiny fills right into my nuts, baby, that thing won't be out. That thing just saw its shadow, dog. Eight more weeks of winter down, yeah.

• 46:51Theo Von?

  But god, yeah, I used to love that type of shit.

• 46:55Theo Von?

  In our neighborhood, this lady used to make me go sit in her car with her. And she'd be all drunk drinking daiquiris, Ms. Carol, that was her name, and she'd be drinking daiquiris over there.

• 47:08Theo Von?

  And she would just tell me, she wished I was old enough to drive, I wish you were old enough to drive. I'd let you drive me somewheres. God, I was so fucking erect, I couldn't even

• 47:24Theo Von?

  god, I couldn't, my fucking scoliosis was cured, I was just like, oh god. And then she'd get out, sometimes she had cut off pants on and she'd get out and rub her little butt, like rub the bottom of her butt on the damn warm headlights of that car, that vehicle.

• 47:43Theo Von?

  That's back when headlights used to get warm, them bitches used to get warm. And she'd just be bending over, kinda drinking that daiquiri. And rubbing her little tail on that warm light. Wish you could drive me. Like, yeah, damn, brother, hell, yeah.

• 48:02Theo Von?

  God, I couldn't even, I didn't have enough blood flow in my eyes at that moment.

• 48:08Theo Von?

  I just had so much erection going on, I didn't even have any blood in my eyes to keep me active. I could barely see. It's like my damn, like my damn brother, he had to come over and rub some of his water in my eyes. Just, so that's just, yeah, it must be a family optical disease that we got in certain moments, but. But God is good, brother, at least you have a wife, at least y'all are going out and doing something. Yeah, taking your wife to a rage room, that's cute. Yeah, all that matters is, what, what am I putting into the relationship? Whether I'm getting married, whether I'm, uh, doing an engagement. You know? What am I putting into this thing? Am I trying to make some moments special?

• 48:48Theo Von?

  Cause if I don't make some moments special, it ain't gonna be no special moments. That's, that's the most I realize this about life.

• 48:56Theo Von?

  You know, sometimes I'll be like, man, nothing's, nothing's exciting, nothing. Well, things just aren't exciting. They're not just gonna be magic. You gotta, you know? You gotta be your own David Blaine sometimes. Or Chris Angle. Or Kurt Angle even, shit, I don't care if you wear a damn leotard while you do it, or unitard, and body slam somebody.

• 49:18Theo Von?

  But you gotta bring the magic.

• 49:23Theo Von?

  Except at Christmas.

• 49:26Theo Von?

  That's when there's just something kinda built in, you know?

• 49:30Theo Von?

  There's just something kinda special about it.

• 49:34Theo Von?

  Just that sound, those kids coming down the stairs.

• 49:40Theo Von?

  You see that Christmas tree, boy.

• 49:44Theo Von?

  And I'd come later at night, too. We all would, I think, I, I bet if I asked my siblings, we all kinda did. People would wake up at a cer-, you just woke up all night during Christmas time. You sneak down. And at some point, the presents would be out. You're like, ah, they're hiking.

• 50:04Theo Von?

  And half the cookies would be eaten. I'd eat one. I'd eat two bites out of that bitch.

• 50:10Theo Von?

  Hell, sometimes I'd come down early and the cookies and milk hadn't been eaten yet and I'd eat. I'd drink half that bitch and eat one of them bitches. My mom was like, who was here?

• 50:21Theo Von?

  But yeah, you'd come down and you'd see that tree all lit up.

• 50:27Theo Von?

  And that was one of the nicest times to kind of go back to bed then.

• 50:33Theo Von?

  You were just excited. It wasn't really about the gifts. It was something about the magic of it.

• 50:38Theo Von?

  There was free magic.

• 50:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, it just meant something.

• 50:50Theo Von?

  And that was beautiful. Those were beautiful times. That Christmas spirit.

• 50:57Theo Von?

  That Christmas spirit, man. There's something to it.

• 51:03Theo Von?

  There's something to it. I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas and uh...

• 51:10Theo Von?

  And I'm trying to think of anything else that

• 51:14Theo Von?

  needs to be said.

• 51:18Theo Von?

  You know, it's a special time of year. It's a special time to forgive ourselves and forgive others.

• 51:26Theo Von?

  Just to let go.

• 51:29Theo Von?

  Let go of the ways we've done it.

• 51:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, ask God to help us have a new year.

• 51:41Theo Von?

  You know, the Lord sent his son, baby, that crazy baby. Yesus, baby. Yahweh, baby.

• 51:50Theo Von?

  To take away the sins of the world.

• 51:54Theo Von?

  So let him do it.

• 51:57Theo Von?

  Let him do it, baby. Lord, drive a dump truck into my heart and take away all this. All this confusion, pain, uncertainty, control,

• 52:11Theo Von?

  anger.

• 52:14Theo Von?

  Hatred, vitriol,

• 52:19Theo Von?

  and self infliction. Take away, just take it.

• 52:23Theo Von?

  Take it. And recycle me, baby boy. Recycle me.

• 52:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, I love you guys. Thank you guys so much for letting me be a part of your year.

• 52:38Theo Von?

  There is some fun stuff that we're gonna be doing in the new year. I'm excited. I want to add some new things to the solo episodes that are that are gonna be more like regular occurring type of things. So I have some like just like light plans and strategy. We want to talk to more miracles.

• 52:58Theo Von?

  You know, we've got a couple miracles. We had that one fellow that was doing dope that fell off that building. And he fell 13 stories or whatever. And he passed by some of his neighbors, remember, and saw them smoking dope on their balcony when he fell. Pretty crazy. And then our other fellow got hit by two trains, baby. Two trains! And God, and he survived. He had headphones on. And got hit. Just, whoo. God dang, brother, sometime, woo. You wish the Lord would just give you a crosswalk. Give me a crosswalk.

• 53:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was Dalton. Dalton, baby. Two trains!

• 53:44Theo Von?

  We gotta check in with Dalton, but we need, we want to add more miracles to next year. If you have experienced a miracle or someone you know in your life that has experienced a miracle, that have felt the powers of the great beyond, keep them safe

• 54:00Theo Von?

  in a moment that could not have happened otherwise. Hit the hotline 985-664-9503, or you can contact the producers through the email on the theovon.com site.

• 54:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's all we got. It's been, we're happy to be alive. And who knows what it looks like. This may be the last year we're allowed to celebrate Christmas. I'm not sure what they have planned for us. But, we're gonna keep fighting. We're gonna keep fighting, and we're excited.

• 54:36Theo Von?

  Uh, to try to do that and to learn as we go. Trevon, what are you thinking?

• 54:41Speaker 01

  I dig it, man. Merry Christmas.

• 54:43Theo Von?

  Merry Christmas to you too, man. Merry Christmas to you too.

• 54:49Theo Von?

  Uh, our producer put in this note right here. Our other producer Zach, Merry Christmas to him. Nick, Andrew Baxter. Riley Mal, who knocked a woman up. Gosh. That's crazy, dude. But that's how it is, bro. Like,

• 55:07Theo Von?

  you know, I think he'd had sex five times and that fifth time he made a child. Boy. Bro, you gotta, you gotta use that syrup sparingly, homie. Dang. But it is what it is. I remember when I learned about condensed milk, dude. The second I had one taste of that stuff, I'm like, dang, this shit's good. And then you want to use it, you want it on everything. But you can't put it on everything, Riley. All right, here we go. One more call from the hotline before we end the year. And next week we'll have a best of episode and then we may have a week off. I'm not sure. We may not. We'll see what's going on. But, uh, I love you guys and you guys be good to yourselves.

• 55:49Theo Von?

  Thank you. And thank you for all, just all the support. There's so many nice things that I never get to say that happen. Nice messages people send or nice things people brought out to shows. Um,

• 56:03Theo Von?

  I mean, just all those, like, there's so many, so much, uh, kindness has been extended towards me by you guys. And, um, thank you. I love you and I appreciate it. Here we go.

• 56:17Speaker 09

  Hey, Theo. Uh, my name is Jake and-

• 56:22Theo Von?

  What's up Jake? Thank you for calling. Onward?

• 56:25Speaker 09

  I'm feeling a little emotional right now, but in a really good way. Um, I'm in the military. Uh, I've been in the army for over six years now.

• 56:38Theo Von?

  Thank you for your service, champ. Onward?

• 56:41Speaker 09

  And, um, I'm currently driving home to go spend Christmas with my family for the first time in-

• 56:52Speaker 09

  Four years and I just wanted to, you know, thank God that I'm able to do that. And I want to, you know, reach out to all my fellow soldiers who listen to your great podcasts and just say, you know, if you're able to go visit your family, I'm very happy for you. And if you're not able to, if you have to spend it somewhere where you don't really want to be, you know, I, I know how it feels. I, I know a lot of other soldiers know how it feels and, you know, it sucks, but we're here for you and stay strong. I know it sucks

• 57:35Speaker 09

  missing holidays, birthdays, you know, kids' birthdays and all of that. So, you know, thank you, Theo, for what you do. You've gotten me through a lot of these years that I've spent away from my family. And, um, you know, prayers to you and your team and prayers to all my fellow soldiers out there spending Christmas with their family or without them. Love you, brother.

• 58:04Theo Von?

  Amen. Amen, man. Yeah, that's the feeling. That's the feeling. That's the candle. That's the pilot light I needed right there. When I'm pulling up to my families or I'm gonna walk into my home, be just to be grateful that I get to be there. For the positive or the negative, whatever it is. For the apple pie or the uncooked dang chowder or whatever somebody made one time, forgot to boil the dang things and everybody got dang dysentery, whatever. Clams or whatever, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. When I, when

• 58:46Theo Von?

  I'm, for the good, the bad, whatever it is, that there's people that don't get it. There's kids who are gonna have to spend, that have to do their holidays over Zoom with a, with a loved one. There's a parent that has to do that as well. A soldier who's having to make that, who's made that choice in their life. And it's a choice they made, but still, it's one I'm not brave enough to make or haven't been.

• 59:14Theo Von?

  So yeah, so to take some time to acknowledge that. Pray for those families and that peace.

• 59:23Theo Von?

  And yeah, just to know that you soldiers aren't alone, that have to, that have to do. Put that, put that energy into the world. These people, they're not alone.

• 59:33Theo Von?

  And we pray for them and their, their kids grow up healthy and nurtured and taken care of. That we pray for the confidence of their spouses who are at home on the front lines with their children.

• 59:45Theo Von?

  Holding things down. Having to kind of be one parent. Um, not one parent, but be, do most of the hands-on parenting.

• 59:56Theo Von?

  And we pray for those people and those soldiers that then, when they get to spend time with their comrades during the holidays away from their family, that they feel some sense of joy and peace and love.

• 1:00:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, so light a candle for those people this time of year.

• 1:00:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, maybe I need to, every time I'm lighting a candle, I'm thinking it's for my own light. Why don't I light one for somebody else?

• 1:00:21Theo Von?

  For a prayer and peace for somebody else's joy.

• 1:00:25Theo Von?

  Or possibility.

• 1:00:31Theo Von?

  For a moment that's not mine.

• 1:00:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, those are great things to pray for.

• 1:00:41Theo Von?

  Dude, I watch those soldier coming home videos all the time and God.

• 1:00:46Theo Von?

  Oh God, I will just.

• 1:00:51Theo Von?

  I will just start bawling right into a dang bag of ruffles. And then they do the dog sometimes. And sometimes lowkey, the dog does not know the person. I'm like, whoa, this shit, something's going on here.

• 1:01:04Theo Von?

  But.

• 1:01:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, sometimes at the airport you'll see somebody waiting for somebody like with flowers and a sign or something. Or when the soldiers, one time I was in Chicago and I think it was,

• 1:01:19Theo Von?

  I don't remember the airline,

• 1:01:22Theo Von?

  but a bunch of soldiers had just gotten back. They'd all just gotten back and they were like walking all back. I mean like a hundred. And they were all, and it was just like this huge thing. It was like a special moment.

• 1:01:35Theo Von?

  But thank you, brother. Thank you for helping us think about that. That's the, that's the feeling. That's the candle.

• 1:01:41Theo Von?

  And you guys be good to yourselves.

• 1:01:45Theo Von?

  Let's go, let's, let's go out with some music here. And, and, and the music we've played already is from One Man Quartet. They played Christmas Miracle. And Ready for Christmas was by Zorro. And then this song we're gonna play right here on our way out. We Wish You a Merry Christmas by Timothy Infinite.

• 1:02:09Theo Von?

  Merry Christmas to everybody.

• 1:02:12Theo Von?

  Love you guys. Glad we got to spend some time together today.

• 1:02:35Theo Von?

  Hey, it's Santa.

• 1:02:45Theo Von?

  Dog, I heard Blitzen is a bitch, homie.

• 1:02:49Speaker 10

  Ever you are, the tidings for Christmas and a happy new year. Wish you a merry-

• 1:02:59Theo Von?

  Prancer's a [bleep] it, homie.

• 1:03:22Theo Von?

  Merry Christmas, everybody. God bless you.

• 1:03:26Theo Von?

  And head into a Happy New Year while we'll meet you there. And, uh, praise God, man. Be good to yourselves. You deserve it.