Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast How To Ball On A Budget! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
Steal shampoo from hotels?
Own a George Foreman Grill?
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Transcript 12,662 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Calling Seattle, Portland, San Fran, Brea, California. The boys are coming west, baby. We're taking the Oregon Trail out to the left coast and we're coming to see ya. Grab the squad and come on out.
0:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, if you're a dirtbag, we need you there, baby. All tickets available at areyougarbage.com. See ya there.
0:17 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:36 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:42 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:43 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're to be classy.
0:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:48 H. Foley? Looking just a big ol' piece of trash.
0:49 Speaker 01 Garbage, garbage, garbage.
0:50 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toody's and a new addition. She's up in her room playing a little Guitar Hero.
0:57 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:58 H. Foley? Shredding it.
0:59 Speaker 01 Uh huh. Nailing a couple faces.
1:01 H. Foley? That's right. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman and did not turn his ringer off.
1:09 Speaker 01 That wasn't me. That was me.
1:11 H. Foley? Luke!
1:12 Speaker 01 Hahaha.
1:13 H. Foley? Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:14 Speaker 01 I thought it was me and denied it while-
1:15 H. Foley? It's always you.
1:16 Speaker 01 While still thinking it was me.
1:17 H. Foley? By the way, that was going off in a meeting the other day. Bing, bing, bing, bing. Can they hear that?
1:21 Speaker 01 Maybe.
1:22 H. Foley? Really?
1:23 Speaker 01 They work for me, these bums.
1:25 H. Foley? You talk about me.
1:26 Speaker 01 Why don't you friggin' do something for me?
1:28 H. Foley? You talk about me in meetings.
1:29 Speaker 01 You're bad.
1:30 H. Foley? Things are going on.
1:31 Speaker 01 Oh, no, let me introduce myself then defend myself. Shout out to you, gang. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
1:36 H. Foley? Yeah, you're all good kids.
1:37 Speaker 01 Full video available on YouTube, as you know, full video available over there on Spotify as well. And the boys are tick, tick, tick, tick, climbing up the friggin'.
1:43 H. Foley? Climbing the charts.
1:44 Speaker 01 Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, and the boys are hitting the frickin' road. Are you a dirtbag?
1:54 H. Foley? It's a matter of days now.
1:56 Speaker 01 Who lives on the west coast, baby? I'm talking La La Land. Very limited tickets there.
2:00 H. Foley? Get me out of here.
2:01 Speaker 01 San Francisco, second show added, then only one show in Portland and Seattle. Get those friggin' techies.
2:07 H. Foley? I gotta get out, I gotta get up to the Pacific Northwest and the west coast. I gotta stretch my legs a little bit.
2:13 Speaker 01 You can do that here.
2:13 H. Foley? Breathe some fucking air. Some of that fresh pine air, the Great Lakes.
2:18 Speaker 01 Be a huffing cleanser out there.
2:19 H. Foley? Yeah, that's what I need.
2:21 Speaker 01 Get my head on straight.
2:22 H. Foley? A little bit of that Portland H, you know what I'm talking about?
2:24 Speaker 01 Little dust off.
2:25 H. Foley? I ain't talking about hand bone either. Yeah, this is what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos and the homies, just the way we like it. Before we get that started, we gotta take a little cruise by the old corner office and say hi to Mr. Lukey Patooki, the, uh, the son of the owner of the Dempsey Group.
2:42 Speaker 01 Allegedly. Allegedly.
2:44 H. Foley? Right?
2:44 Speaker 01 Not on paper.
2:45 H. Foley? Sure. Your father owns the Dempsey Group.
2:49 Speaker 01 On paper, I only own the subsidiary.
2:51 H. Foley? So we had to bring you in, because he put the screws to us. Said, you gotta give my kid a job, right? That's kinda how this all went down.
2:57 Speaker 01 Maybe.
2:57 H. Foley? You got jammed up, had to sell a little piece of tooties to the Dempsey Group. They bought in.
3:02 Speaker 01 I think they've owned it from the whole, this whole thing's a psy-op. I, they planned this in our brain years ago, and now it's just all coming fruition. I hear it's all in a dog's name. I got something I wanna get into. Um, I, uh, I've been tagged in this phone, in this video a lot.
3:18 H. Foley? Uh-oh.
3:19 Speaker 01 Which I was not aware of.
3:21 H. Foley? Say hi, I wasn't there.
3:22 Speaker 01 Uh, I, I didn't, uh, I was over there on TikTok, I'm not big on TikTok, but, uh, I downloaded it, take, you know, and I must have been...
3:30 H. Foley? I thought you'd do pretty good over there with your channel.
3:32 Speaker 01 No.
3:33 H. Foley? Your little kippy channel there.
3:34 Speaker 01 I, I lost it and had to restart it, and then I...
3:38 H. Foley? You still do your beer reviews over there and stuff?
3:41 Speaker 01 I mean, no. I just, what?
3:46 Speaker 01 You mean that thing I did six years ago? No, I still don't do that. Thanks for checking in, though.
3:52 Speaker 01 Still doing that acting thing? Hey!
3:56 Speaker 01 Rude. Heard the production was pushed, just saying. Hey! Um, I, uh... So this video, I was tagged in very much... As you know, I'm the king of the boards down here in Wildwood, New Jersey. Yeah, that's right. Um... I'll defend that. Thanks, I don't know why we're adversaries at the moment. We're not adversaries. I said I would defend that. I was tagged in this video that takes place in Wildwood, New Jersey. And I'll just let the video speak for itself. I don't want any setup. The guy does a pretty good job narrating it. Okay. It's him and his girlfriend, and I guess they're down in Wildwood for the weekend. Luke.
4:32 Speaker 03 Look at her throwing down in the hotel. Budget baddies.
4:38 Speaker 01 Pause for a second. She's cooking... What are those? It's chicken breasts. She's got marinated chicken breasts in a motel, cooking them... In the air fryer. In the air fryer. Huh. And I'm pretty sure
4:54 Speaker 01 a lot of that stuff's dripping on the carpet of the motel room, if I had to guess. Why are they that color? She got a little seasoning on them? Yeah, she gets into the seasoning. Here's your little Martha Stewart rundown on a seasoning. All right.
5:06 Speaker 03 Hey, he brought the air fryer to Wildwood.
5:12 Speaker 01 In the Vicodin. Holy slow drawl. There is a certain level of dirtbag who I've been friends with for many years in my life that have taken so many draws. They're not the quickest guys to begin with. Then they take a lot of them Xanax, a lot of them Percocet, and they really put some... Put some underwater, you know what I mean? Ooh, I've been down there.
5:36 Speaker 01 With my goggles on. Scoob is certified, dawg.
5:40 Speaker 04 No kitchen, no problem, we got an air fryer.
5:43 Speaker 03 Yes, we do. Just got back from that cold, fun water boot yawn. That shit had a soaking wet.
5:54 Speaker 03 It was fun though.
5:55 Speaker 01 If you pause it, you can see the camo cargo shorts hanging over the door, letting them things dry out from that.
6:01 H. Foley? Cause that's what he's simmering in.
6:02 Speaker 01 That's from the cold water boat you only went on.
6:05 H. Foley? My man.
6:08 Speaker 03 Hey, tell them what you putting in there babe?
6:12 Speaker 05 I put some seasoned chicken in the air fryer.
6:18 Speaker 03 Say that again.
6:19 Speaker 01 Say two.
6:20 Speaker 03 Seasoned chicken.
6:22 Speaker 05 We don't want it bland, we want it where it's got a little cough at the end, which is early season, so.
6:30 Speaker 03 I don't know about all that.
6:33 Speaker 01 What the fuck she talking about?
6:36 H. Foley? I just asked for a little salt and pepper.
6:39 H. Foley? Why is it that, uh?
6:41 Speaker 01 First of all dude, who's taking, it's smart, I'll give you that, but the air fryer to the motel room? Not a bad move.
6:49 H. Foley? Let me tell you that.
6:50 Speaker 01 Not a bad move though.
6:51 H. Foley? Cause it's not like, it's not like you're grilling, it's not gonna cause any more of a mess than anything else. Like, that is a pretty smart move.
6:58 Speaker 01 I don't think this, I don't think this couple's worried about the mess in the.
7:02 H. Foley? I'm just saying, that's a pretty smart move, bringing the air fryer.
7:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's not bad.
7:07 H. Foley? Cause let's say, okay.
7:08 Speaker 01 That also looks like a bed, that don't look like a hotel or motel, that looks like someone's bedroom.
7:14 H. Foley? You think? Maybe it's an air.
7:15 Speaker 01 That dresser is, that's like a residential dresser, I feel. I've been in a lot of bad hotel rooms, I ain't never seen something like that.
7:24 H. Foley? The TV though.
7:26 Speaker 01 The TV and that mirror being mounted on the wall like that is motel, motel stuff.
7:30 H. Foley? Yeah, that's what's got it. I don't think they own property though. I don't either.
7:35 Speaker 01 They got an, they got an air fryer, what are you talking about?
7:38 H. Foley? Why, how come pills and cartoons go so well together? They just do, man, they just do. And I'm not insinuating this gentleman's on any, anything.
7:46 Speaker 01 No, no, not at all.
7:47 H. Foley? Could be a fine upstanding young man.
7:49 Speaker 01 Sure he is.
7:50 H. Foley? Lovely lady.
7:51 Speaker 01 Nice couple.
7:52 H. Foley? Nice couple, doing their thing, but let me tell you this.
7:55 Speaker 01 That's innovative, I gotta give them that, it's very, I never.
7:57 H. Foley? Very innovative, cause, okay, take away the raw chicken.
8:00 Speaker 01 The raw, dude, listen, raw chicken, that ain't being handled properly, you're doing it.
8:04 H. Foley? Raw chicken in a bedroom is wild.
8:07 Speaker 01 Raw chicken that close to your bed is where you, where you rest your head is crazy.
8:12 H. Foley? Just the splatter component alone.
8:14 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying.
8:15 H. Foley? Man. John Taffer would be shutting that down.
8:18 Speaker 01 Yeah. Dude, the food handling in that it can't be, you don't got proper utensils, there ain't no cutting board.
8:26 H. Foley? Mm-mm.
8:27 Speaker 01 They're that, they're you, they're running that-
8:29 H. Foley? They were thighs, though.
8:30 Speaker 01 Thick thighs, and she's full of surprise.
8:32 H. Foley? When you're doing all thigh meat, woo, you're a different kind. But, let's just say, forget about that.
8:38 Speaker 01 That's off-season, too. She's in a full sweatsuit. It can't be hot out down there.
8:42 H. Foley? I thought you said this was just made. They're probably just down there.
8:45 Speaker 01 They're still there.
8:45 H. Foley? They caught the, they caught the, uh, the after, cause they, cause they've been saying that, like, right now is really good time to go.
8:52 Speaker 01 Cheap.
8:52 H. Foley? Yeah, cheap.
8:53 Speaker 01 Get all that chicken, all that chicken's on sale that didn't get sold over the summer.
8:57 H. Foley? That's Acme Chicken, for sure.
8:58 Speaker 01 As a guy who's been to the Wildwood Acme and been in the discount meat section, that's got buy one, get one chicken on it, for sure.
9:08 H. Foley? Where's the other pack?
9:11 H. Foley? Is that sitting in the sink?
9:12 Speaker 01 It went crabbing.
9:13 H. Foley? What I was gonna say, you have the air fryer down there, and let's say you go to the store and you get, like, some Totinos or something. Imagine nice, fresh Totinos or little snacks in the air fryer at night.
9:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you gotta keep that frozen.
9:27 H. Foley? You don't really have to.
9:28 Speaker 01 The Totino, what do you mean? That means you gotta cook them right away, then?
9:32 H. Foley? Not for the day. They'll be alright for the day. If you put them in the refrigerator until that night-
9:37 Speaker 01 Okay, yeah. I, I mean, listen, you're down the shore, I think you got a lot of avenues to get cheap eats. You know what I mean? Get a slice of pizza. I mean, if you're making, I'll, I'm not pushing back-
9:48 H. Foley? You're not getting chicken thighs for as cheap as you're gonna make them in the room. I don't care who you are.
9:52 Speaker 01 I don't-
9:53 H. Foley? You go over to the Anglicy, whatever it is, they're gonna bang you out.
9:55 Speaker 01 I'm not saying it's a sit-down restaurant, but you can get, you know, you can get some takeaway or something like that at one of the, get a gyro or something like that.
10:02 H. Foley? A gyro down the shore? They run you out of town.
10:05 Speaker 01 Oh, man, it's-
10:06 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
10:08 Speaker 01 Uh-
10:09 H. Foley? There's two gyros down at Wildwood.
10:11 Speaker 01 There is.
10:11 H. Foley? Is there?
10:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, shout out to, like, uh, oh, they, they got them for sure.
10:16 H. Foley? Call them terrorist hamburgers.
10:19 Speaker 01 Terrorist rap?
10:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, but that was, uh, that is very Wildwood. That's very, that's very more Wildwood than North Wildwood, for sure. But, many a night stayed in those, in like, like the seashell motel, or the lollipop club, or whatever you're in. That is, that's living. That's the shore. That's the shore for a lot of people. I have, at all of our times, but we were even doing that, though. Like, that's where we not came up with, but, you know, our family innovated, or became aware of the hot cooler full of boiling water for the hot dogs.
10:56 H. Foley? To make your hot dogs.
10:56 Speaker 01 Keep the hot dogs all day. Take that to the beach. So it is the, you know...
11:01 H. Foley? This could be the start of a family tradition for these folks. Couple of years, the kids are running around. You know what I mean?
11:09 Speaker 01 Stealing your wallet?
11:10 H. Foley? Mom's got some wings going on in the air fryer.
11:14 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
11:14 H. Foley? A little bit of feathers on them.
11:15 Speaker 01 I, listen, I, if you are, you know, they, she, they even said like, ballin' on a budget, or budget, budget, budget baby, or something like that. If you're on a budget, the air fryer, you get an air fryer for 20 bucks?
11:25 H. Foley? Home run.
11:26 Speaker 01 Then you go get, you know, you go pack a chicken.
11:29 H. Foley? Pack a chicken.
11:30 Speaker 01 Pack a meatball, something like that, cook them up.
11:32 H. Foley? Oh, fuck.
11:32 Speaker 01 It's great. It's, it's, if you can't afford to take, you know, I believe they have kids. I did a little, little deep dive on them.
11:39 H. Foley? Oh, you did?
11:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:40 H. Foley? So that's why the cartoons are on?
11:42 Speaker 01 I don't know if the kids are there. I don't see the kids.
11:44 H. Foley? Mm-mm.
11:45 Speaker 01 Uh, but, you know, uh, pack a chicken, like you said, it's, you can...
11:51 H. Foley? Is that a Crush BL can at the end of the bed?
11:53 Speaker 01 I don't know what that is. No, it looks like a Sonic the Hedgehog. They probably won on a boardwalk.
11:57 H. Foley? Mmm.
11:58 Speaker 01 Good parents.
11:58 H. Foley? Man, you can see that? The Sonic the Hedgehog?
12:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think so.
12:01 H. Foley? They gotta have kids. There's probably kids.
12:02 Speaker 01 I know there's kids. No, I know there's...
12:04 H. Foley? Oh, there's kids in the house.
12:05 Speaker 01 I don't know if there's kids there right now, I'm saying. I wasn't there this weekend with them, but I knew, I do know they have children, yeah. Um, but... If you're out there, and if you've done it, let us know. And if not, try it. Give it away. If you're going down to a motel, and you ain't got a lot of spending cash for the weekend, you're trying to take your babe out on a getaway.
12:25 H. Foley? That would be a nice, um...
12:27 Speaker 01 Take the blender too, make some margaritas?
12:29 H. Foley? That would be a nice... I know people that do that. My family did that. We brought the blender down, many a times.
12:34 Speaker 01 Sure.
12:35 H. Foley? Yeah, to make frozen drinks, frozen margaritas. It was daiquiris in the 80s is what it was.
12:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, we were never a big...
12:42 H. Foley? Pina coladas. Pina coladas came first. That was the first frozen drink I was introduced to. Cause my dad used to make virgin pina coladas for us as kids. And virgin strawberry daiquiris.
12:54 Speaker 01 That to me is just like, one of the reasons I have an alcohol problem. Is like, they were like, you wanna... Like, you're ordering virgin drinks, cause I'm like, I'm just doing this until I'm allowed to have the real thing. You know what I mean?
13:06 H. Foley? Sure.
13:07 Speaker 01 You're just priming the pump. It's like, nah, just get a diet coke or something like that, you know?
13:11 H. Foley? Diet coke as a kid?
13:12 Speaker 01 I have regular coke.
13:13 H. Foley? Sure.
13:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, diet coke was for...
13:16 H. Foley? Diet coke as a child?
13:17 Speaker 01 Europeans or something.
13:18 H. Foley? I know one kid that drinks diet coke.
13:21 Speaker 01 I mean, now, I think a lot of...
13:24 Speaker 01 The kids aren't drinking soda like they used to.
13:26 H. Foley? Nah. That's their problem.
13:28 Speaker 01 It is. That's why we've turned soft as a country.
13:31 H. Foley? Leave that high fructose corn syrup in them. You got no high fructose corn syrup in you.
13:35 Speaker 01 Get your brain percolating just right.
13:37 H. Foley? I wouldn't hate if a hotel just had an air fryer.
13:41 Speaker 01 That was my next thing.
13:43 H. Foley? Yeah, get rid of the coffee thing.
13:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, who the fuck...
13:45 H. Foley? I don't need a fucking steamer. First of all, steamers don't work. They don't work. You know what works? Patty on an ironing board. That's what works. Steamers do not work. Get rid of the steamer, okay? And throw a fucking air fryer in there.
13:58 Speaker 01 I don't disagree.
14:00 H. Foley? I'm sick with that, babe.
14:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:02 H. Foley? Just thinking about getting home late from, getting back from a show, you stop down at the, uh...
14:07 Speaker 01 And they got food sitting there that you can air fry.
14:09 H. Foley? Yeah.
14:10 Speaker 01 Well, I guess they got the microwave. Yeah, it's like, who needs a fucking microwave though?
14:14 H. Foley? You don't lose the microwave, get the air fryer.
14:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:16 H. Foley? Just put an oven up there. What are we doing? Let's go full oven.
14:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, but we've obviously stayed in those extended stay stuff with the full kitchen and a full-sized fridge, which makes you feel like you're in fucking Willy Wonka's factory.
14:27 H. Foley? Blow your brains out.
14:28 Speaker 01 It's weird. I don't like the stove. I don't know. It's too church and state. I need a church and state separation here. It's a little too... A stove next to your bed, dude. I'm, you know, about to turn that thing on, open the door and take a dirt nap.
14:41 H. Foley? I got a whole turkey going.
14:45 H. Foley? Check out, I got a meatloaf in there.
14:46 Speaker 01 Fire the fries. You're trying to expedite an order.
14:49 H. Foley? I got ribs going, low and slow, baby. What are you talking about?
14:53 Speaker 01 I got nothing but time.
14:54 H. Foley? That's alright.
14:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:56 H. Foley? Very good. God bless them.
14:57 Speaker 01 Shout out to them making it work. That's what this show was fricking built on. Making it work in Wildwood, New Jersey. There you go. That is, that is it. Um, and he saved money, take her out on the water boat, John, as he called it.
15:10 H. Foley? There you go. And listen, that's smart.
15:12 Speaker 01 I was saying, they, I think stole someone else's boat for the week.
15:15 H. Foley? Every meal doesn't have to be a fucking Broadway show. That could be, that could be a little hold me over until dinner. And then you're saving a little money on lunch, alright?
15:24 Speaker 01 That's, that's a big way.
15:25 H. Foley? You're right there, have a little chicken, jump in the sheets for a little bit, you know what I mean? A little romantic time.
15:30 Speaker 01 Let that seasoning spill over into the bedroom, the bedroom if you can.
15:33 H. Foley? Don't get that in your eyes.
15:35 Speaker 01 Yikes.
15:36 H. Foley? Um.
15:37 Speaker 01 Spicy. That was a big way I used to have to manage, uh, you know, cause I would do dollar slices for lunch or whatever.
15:46 H. Foley? You a dollar slice guy?
15:49 Speaker 01 But.
15:49 H. Foley? When was this?
15:50 Speaker 01 When we were back, when we were banging.
15:52 H. Foley? Uh huh.
15:52 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? Out there in a village, fucking, like, gutting it out. Working the front lines.
15:58 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
15:59 Speaker 01 Uh, I'd go, alright, I'll spend three dollars on lunch.
16:01 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
16:02 Speaker 01 That'll let me then, cause a meal, a meal in New York, fifteen, about twenty, you're breaking a twenty to get like something. So you'd either do mamoons.
16:13 H. Foley? Right.
16:13 Speaker 01 You can get for like five, six bucks, something like that.
16:15 H. Foley? Which I don't love. I know that's sacrilegious, but.
16:18 Speaker 01 It is what it is.
16:18 H. Foley? I don't love them. There used to be a place on the street called Turkish.
16:22 Speaker 01 Turkish was good.
16:22 H. Foley? Which I liked. They did the yogurt sauce.
16:24 Speaker 01 Uh huh. But, um.
16:26 H. Foley? I don't know, I haven't had a mamoons in a while. I'll go back and check it out.
16:29 Speaker 01 (laughing)
16:30 H. Foley? They always fall apart, though.
16:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, I don't disagree. Yeah. Um, but, uh, whatever. Then I go, alright, well, I spent $3 on lunch. That gives me a little more wiggle room if I gotta take a bigger swing at dinner.
16:39 H. Foley? Sure.
16:40 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
16:40 H. Foley? Cocktail.
16:41 Speaker 01 Or more beer.
16:42 H. Foley? If you get jammed up somewhere and have to pay for a drink, normally we don't have to. You know what I mean? Working here, working there.
16:49 Speaker 01 But, if you find yourself...
16:51 H. Foley? Remember having to pay when you get, "Oh, fuck, I gotta pay for this?"
16:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:54 H. Foley? Yikes. I know, it would ruin ya.
16:56 Speaker 01 Sure.
16:57 H. Foley? You keep caught with like an $8 beer? Holy shit.
17:00 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
17:01 H. Foley? And a buck or two for 10 bucks?
17:02 Speaker 01 Remember that classy broad I was talking to, we went to Manetta? She took me, she was like, "Let's go get a drink at Manetta."
17:08 H. Foley? Yeah, she buried you in like apple martinis or something like that.
17:10 Speaker 01 Man, she started, I was checking my TD bank account at the bar.
17:15 H. Foley? She brought order blue cheese olives. Kip, you said, "I'll be right back." Fucking ran outside.
17:18 Speaker 01 Calling a bomb threat.
17:20 H. Foley? I don't know how much a blue cheese olive costs. Kip, this is Rocket Money.
17:23 Speaker 01 Woo, Rocket Money!
17:25 H. Foley? And if you have some subscriptions that you wanna cancel, you can use Rocket Money to find them and cancel them for you.
17:31 Speaker 01 I know.
17:31 H. Foley? You know, a lot of people, they spend a lot of money on subscriptions that they don't even realize. You know, this, they got that, and they think they're spending this on it when they're really spending that. You get Rocket Money, you're like, "Whoa, I didn't know I was dropping this kinda cash."
17:42 Speaker 01 I know.
17:42 H. Foley? Cancel this, cancel this, cancel this. Whatever you wanna do.
17:45 Speaker 01 I know.
17:46 H. Foley? Rocket Money makes it fast and easy for you.
17:48 Speaker 01 And that was one of those things, too, that I found out, too. It's like, everybody's like, "Well, how can I make more money? Times are tough. Trying to make ends meet, how can I make more money?" And then someone's like, "You can also just save money." So you don't have to, you know, Rocket Money's an easier way to help you save money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Hey, I didn't know I was paying for bonerofthemonthclub.org or whatever, you know? They let me know, and they canceled. I'm just using that one as an example. I don't wanna give you the exact websites I was subscribed to.
18:12 H. Foley? Gotcha.
18:13 Speaker 01 Um...
18:15 Speaker 01 Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about. Rocket Money's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending, it helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has 5 million members that have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. I use all the app's premium features. It lets me know every week, "Hey, this is what you're spending. This is the big charge is coming up. This is how much you spent, how little you spent, what you saved. It's fantastic." Uh, you can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/garbage today. That's rocketmoney.com/garbage. One more time, rocketmoney.com/garbage. Do it.
18:56 H. Foley? Do it. Kip, you know about Mando?
18:58 Speaker 01 Oh, I know about Mando.
19:00 H. Foley? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Ah, you do know about Mando.
19:04 Speaker 01 I'm a Mando man.
19:05 H. Foley? You smell fresh, I'll tell you that. You know what Mando is?
19:09 Speaker 01 What?
19:09 H. Foley? It's an all-over body deodorant.
19:11 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
19:11 H. Foley? All right, these animals, okay, have been just doing the pits.
19:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:16 H. Foley? You can't just do the pits.
19:17 Speaker 01 Everywhere.
19:18 H. Foley? Okay? Just for my bigger boys out there. I gotta get under the titties. I gotta, I got a lot of back alleys and dangerous spots.
19:28 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
19:28 H. Foley? That don't have any video cameras on them, you know what I mean?
19:30 Speaker 01 Sure.
19:30 H. Foley? I gotta keep them clean.
19:31 Speaker 01 High-traffic areas.
19:33 H. Foley? High-traffic areas, but not at night.
19:34 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
19:35 H. Foley? It slows down.
19:35 Speaker 01 Sure.
19:36 H. Foley? That's when the bad elements comes out.
19:37 Speaker 01 Creepy, crawly.
19:38 H. Foley? The bad bacteria come out at night, you know what I mean? I gotta keep it all fresh.
19:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:42 H. Foley? And on top of that, they got the Mando Body Wipes, which just give yourself a little spruce out.
19:47 Speaker 01 They got it all.
19:47 H. Foley? Maybe you're coming from the office to happy hour, you wanna look fresh on the scene.
19:50 Speaker 01 Uh-huh, and Mando Starter Pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid-stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, which is slap-on, I feel, a lot, and two free products of your choice, like the mini body wash and the deodorant wipes. I'm a deodorant wipe man, well documented, we got 'em here. I'm in here podcasting, doing da-da-da-da-da.
20:05 H. Foley? I just said that. I'm a body wipe man.
20:07 Speaker 01 I'm relaxed.
20:08 H. Foley? Is that where they're all going?
20:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:09 H. Foley? You're taking my body wipes?
20:10 Speaker 01 Listen, I gotta go out, I got a hot dinner, I gotta, I gotta go to spots, I gotta, I gotta swab, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get fresh, you know what I mean? So I can do the freaking gnawing.
20:17 H. Foley? Mando, ship 'em.
20:18 Speaker 01 Um, right now you get the two, you get, listen, two free products of your choice, mini, the mini body wash or the deodorant wipes, and free shipping. As a special offer for our listeners, new customers get 20% off site-wide with our exclusive code, [email protected] for 20% off site-wide plus free shipping. That's shopmando, S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Please support the new, please support our show and tell them we sent you. Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat control. Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long-lasting, fresh as damn. Bye, just shut up. Uh, but all that's neither here nor there. We got a Gosh darn Family episode on our hands, gang. Uh, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, eh, we will, uh, answer your garbage question on the air.
20:57 H. Foley? That's right, Kevin.
20:58 Speaker 01 Uh, and let's see, speaking of, you know, speaking of making it work, this was from Lawrence, $10 homie, never had one read.
21:04 H. Foley? Talk to me.
21:05 Speaker 01 Is it garbage that I shared a room and one queen-size bed with my mom and sister till I was 16?
21:12 Speaker 01 That is... Make it work, gotta make it work, you gotta do what you gotta do, not throw-
21:16 H. Foley? Wait, this is a hotel, this is-
21:19 Speaker 01 I have to assume this is their bedroom.
21:23 Speaker 01 You gotta figure they're in a one bedroom, that's gotta be a studio then. One bedroom, you'd still have a living room of some sort-
21:29 H. Foley? Sleep on a couch or something.
21:31 Speaker 01 With a couch or a love seat or a pull-out.
21:32 H. Foley? Until he was when?
21:33 Speaker 01 Sixteen.
21:34 H. Foley? Ooh, man.
21:35 Speaker 01 That might be at someone else's house, like they're staying with the... In the basement of the grandma's house or something, or you're staying at an uncle's, an aunt's house, and that's all you guys have is that room.
21:47 H. Foley? His sexuality's gotta be all over the place with that. Freak you out.
21:50 Speaker 01 That'll twist you up, dude. That'll put your wiener in a pretzel.
21:54 H. Foley? I don't know what to think. Man.
21:57 Speaker 01 Cause, you know, at a certain point, there's just horm- you know, your body's going through changes.
22:01 H. Foley? Too broad's in the bed.
22:02 Speaker 01 You're laying in bed and you're fighting off a stiffy.
22:05 H. Foley? Jesus.
22:05 Speaker 01 And there ain't nowhere to go hide, I'm assuming, if you ain't, you know-
22:08 H. Foley? Man, long showers. Oh, god, god love ya.
22:11 Speaker 01 That's tough, that is, that's a jam-up city, baby.
22:14 H. Foley? Yeah, that's garbage.
22:15 Speaker 01 Uh, but shout out to that mom for making it work.
22:17 H. Foley? Of course.
22:18 Speaker 01 What if they lived in like a six-bedroom, they were just freaks? They were just real freaky. Uh, this one's from Guido, great name, G-W-E-E-D-O. Uh, "Never had one read, is it garbage to always sign up for subscription slash auto-delivery on things for the discount, then after it ships, immediately cancel the subscription and repeat as needed?"
22:37 H. Foley? One more time?
22:38 Speaker 01 That's brilliant. Is it garbage to always sign up for the subscription or auto-delivery for products?
22:45 H. Foley? Right.
22:45 Speaker 01 For the discount. Cause when you sign up for the auto-delivery, hey, we'll sip it every two weeks, you save a dollar a thing, or whatever. And then after it ships, you cancel the subscription, and then do it again as needed.
22:58 H. Foley? Damn. I wish I was good with that shit.
23:02 Speaker 01 What? I'm so bad at-
23:03 H. Foley? What, you got a Big Gulp over there?
23:04 Speaker 01 I'm so bad at canceling stuff.
23:05 H. Foley? Jesus, I heard that whole thing. Yeah, movie popcorn. That's pretty good, I wish I was good with that-
23:11 Speaker 01 But if you're gonna need it, I could see for the one-time purchase, but then just make the subscription every month. Like on Amazon, you don't need-
23:21 Speaker 01 On Amazon, you can set the delivery. Like, once every two weeks, once every month, or whatever.
23:26 H. Foley? Right.
23:27 Speaker 01 So if you're gonna redo, I can see if you're making a one-time purchase, like, I need to buy-
23:31 H. Foley? Aren't you getting the deal every time you sign up?
23:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you're getting the deal as long as you keep it on subscribe and save.
23:37 H. Foley? Wow.
23:38 Speaker 01 So the next time, I believe-
23:40 H. Foley? I don't know anything about that stuff.
23:41 Speaker 01 This might push, I'm on paper towels and toilet paper, and it changed my life. It's one of those things that I push back on for so long.
23:47 H. Foley? They just come?
23:47 Speaker 01 They just come.
23:48 H. Foley? Really?
23:49 Speaker 01 They just comes, and sometimes you're like, you're at like a fucking surplus, and then you go, alright, whatever, it just lives in the closet, or whatever. And then sometimes they miss it, or you, whatever, it gets stolen, something, you know, yeah, it just, it works itself out. I haven't bought-
24:01 H. Foley? So you got extra paper towels and shit over there?
24:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:04 H. Foley? Shit goes down, I know where I'm coming.
24:05 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
24:06 H. Foley? Good luck keeping me out.
24:07 Speaker 01 Quite easy.
24:08 H. Foley? Yeah?
24:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:10 H. Foley? You wouldn't let me in?
24:11 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
24:11 H. Foley? I don't know, if it was Armageddon?
24:13 Speaker 01 And you needed paper towels? We got bigger frickin' problems.
24:16 H. Foley? Would you let me in if it was, if it was the apocalypse?
24:20 Speaker 01 Sure.
24:21 H. Foley? Really?
24:22 Speaker 01 Easy answer to continue moving on with the show.
24:24 H. Foley? You'd probably kill me when I wasn't looking, wouldn't you?
24:26 Speaker 01 What? You're probably compromised, guy like you. You're weak, you're susceptible, you'll be the first person they get. Come in with your zombie brains, next thing you know, you got me and my whole family. That's what you would do. You'd leave the door open, or something. "Ah, he's just cracking a window, I got chicken going in my bedroom." They'd come in a window and get me.
24:42 H. Foley? Hey, that's Danny, it's my buddy!
24:46 Speaker 01 He's got a hat on, he's trying to fool us. Yeah, you would, that's you, I mean, in the overarching character arc of you-
24:55 H. Foley? I'm the guy you would want.
24:57 Speaker 01 You're nuts.
24:58 H. Foley? What, are you crazy? I have all the survival skills.
25:02 Speaker 01 Buddy, you're barely surviving life now, and there's no zombies.
25:05 H. Foley? Good with the nickel?
25:06 Speaker 01 No, you're not. You've, I don't think you've ever shot a gun.
25:09 H. Foley? Once.
25:10 Speaker 01 Once. Yeah.
25:11 H. Foley? That's all I needed.
25:13 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I don't think, uh-
25:15 H. Foley? That'd be bad news.
25:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, you, dude, you would do it, "I don't know, what a door, it's all the way over there, I think we'll be alright." Your laziness would get us.
25:24 H. Foley? I got the screen lock, quit bitching!
25:26 Speaker 01 Don't get some fresh in here, get some fresh in here. Get the stinkin' ass chicken out of here.
25:32 H. Foley? It's an airborne pathogen. You got the Brita, relax!
25:37 Speaker 01 So, you guys don't run a humidifier? I thought you've got the HEPA filter running.
25:42 H. Foley? We have two of those things and they're just sitting there.
25:44 Speaker 01 You know what's nuts?
25:45 H. Foley? What?
25:45 Speaker 01 As fucking insane, at one point in our apartment, my wife was running a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I was like, we have jumped the fucking shark with appliances. We have to get off Instagram.
25:57 H. Foley? Just standing in the middle?
26:00 Speaker 01 I do get the one where it was dry as a bone and the other one was like the goddamn Amazon.
26:04 H. Foley? I feel like you know your trash, the, at what age you were exposed to your first dehumidifier.
26:10 Speaker 01 Buddy, about four, our basement would flood at my mom's. The sump pump, the water, dude, it's, you go down there, it still smells like fucking hurricane sand.
26:21 H. Foley? Luke, have you ever seen the dehumidifier?
26:22 Speaker 06 We have one running in our basement constantly.
26:24 H. Foley? No kidding?
26:25 Speaker 01 But that's class, they gotta go and we, that's, that's a solution to an ongoing problem. We didn't have that. We had to like borrow it from somebody's work or like one of, some construction worker uncle would do it.
26:40 H. Foley? I remember the way it looked, it was always running, I remember the cold water in the back of it that it collected.
26:45 Speaker 01 The big tank?
26:45 H. Foley? I could not figure out what it did, how it worked, or why it was down there, but it was just, the dehumidifier!
26:52 Speaker 01 Ours was the size of a refrigerator.
26:54 H. Foley? Yeah, ours was pretty sweet.
26:56 Speaker 01 This is like, this is late 90's probably.
26:58 H. Foley? Yeah, this is mid 80's. The dehumidifier.
27:01 Speaker 01 Man, that basement my mom had, they, that never, ever, ever, ever got finished. She, they'd been trying for, they'd been in the house 30 years. They'd been trying, it gets flooded. Then we're having a paw or something, we get, somebody comes in and puts some discount carpet in for, I remember that was the first carpet I saw that you could, it was like spill resistant. You could spill on it?
27:23 H. Foley? Peeing on it?
27:24 Speaker 01 Did I ever tell you this story? You could, they got it in, it's my mom's, we're having Christmas or something. So all year, we gotta had a basement on for, to entertain, cause our family's a fucking 200 people.
27:35 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
27:38 Speaker 01 And they-
27:38 H. Foley? Well, that never happened.
27:39 Speaker 01 What?
27:40 H. Foley? That was never finished.
27:43 Speaker 01 No, I mean, finished isn't like, we can, it's not a construction site and there's-
27:48 H. Foley? Could you smoke heaters in the non-carpeted part?
27:51 Speaker 01 No, I don't think so.
27:54 H. Foley? Shut up.
27:54 Speaker 01 I mean, we did.
27:56 H. Foley? Pretty sweet.
27:57 Speaker 01 Um, but it was water resistant, spill resistant carpet. I'd never seen it before, never seen it after. And I swear to God, everybody came over, you know, go look at the carpet, new carpet in the basement. It was fucking baby shit brown.
28:11 H. Foley? Had to be slick.
28:12 Speaker 01 Dude, it was like something out of an office. It was like real-
28:15 H. Foley? Had to have a coating on it.
28:16 Speaker 01 It did, it's something, sprayed with like Mylar or something like that.
28:19 H. Foley? Probably Teflon.
28:21 Speaker 01 Dude, and we, I swear to God, at the party, we were pouring sodas out on the thing and vacu- you could vacuum it right up with a wet vac. Like, it would like, it would puddle, it wouldn't penetrate to the bottom, because we flooded so much.
28:35 H. Foley? Like you're at a convention center?
28:36 Speaker 01 Like, I was fucking the Shamwell, god, yeah. Look at that, right?
28:39 H. Foley? Look, I put a heater right out on it. Cleans right up. Man, you're a dirtbag.
28:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:44 H. Foley? That's what you guys were doing?
28:46 Speaker 01 Well, is anything-
28:46 H. Foley? Sitting around crushing fucking Snyder pretzel bites and fucking doing that?
28:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, probably.
28:51 H. Foley? Doing expos?
28:53 Speaker 01 Dude, well-
28:53 H. Foley? Were you guys doing showtimes, like, one and then two, 1:30?
28:57 Speaker 01 That's right. If you sign up, you get a 15% discount today.
29:02 H. Foley? Did your family ever do that with each other? Use the, uh, friends and family thing to get somebody to sign up for whatever?
29:07 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
29:08 H. Foley? I, for some reason, I remember like, my mom got-
29:10 Speaker 01 Like a service?
29:11 H. Foley? Like, my mom got carpet and then if my mom-
29:14 Speaker 01 Oh, like a referral?
29:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:15 Speaker 01 No, because we were all, everybody was a construction worker, so it was like, I know a guy who can get you, ever, you got a flooring guy. If you're re-sanding, we got a guy. If you're getting carpet, you get the carpet, some, someone's friends will do it on a side. It was all side work shit.
29:29 H. Foley? We were big on that.
29:30 Speaker 01 Now, we never-
29:31 H. Foley? Get the referral. I get the referral!
29:33 Speaker 01 We just started going to a company. It was always, you get a guy. You get someone's friend will do it.
29:41 H. Foley? I just used the friends and family to get the whip.
29:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's, I mean, as someone, I used to work in marketing for a construction company, that's... Like, "Hey, well, take off 10%." Oh, fucking Henry referred me. They just juice up the price 10%.
29:57 H. Foley? Yeah, best.
29:58 Speaker 01 Fucking... Just 'cause you know Patty, that you think you're getting 10% off?
30:02 H. Foley? They know Patty.
30:03 Speaker 01 Broad buys a car every 3 years. Like, it's not like she's buying fleets for a fucking taxi company. She buys one-
30:09 H. Foley? You don't know what she does.
30:10 Speaker 01 She buys one car a year and you think that she's their... And probably, listen, she beats them the fuck up on the price. She's stealing the sugars from the break room. She's getting her pound of flesh, for sure.
30:22 H. Foley? Sure.
30:23 Speaker 01 You think they're going, "Ah, Patty's such a good customer. She buys a fucking Jeep."
30:27 H. Foley? Don't want her walking in your day.
30:29 Speaker 01 Nah, she'll fuck go... She'll ruin someone's day.
30:32 H. Foley? Coming in in her slippers, slapping you around.
30:35 Speaker 01 Oh, God. Alright, let's see here. Um, this one... This one's from, uh, Coop. $10 Biggie Bag Homie. "Are you garbage if you won? Enjoy Shamrock Shakes."
30:49 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
30:49 Speaker 01 Trash. "Your card gets declined on a date getting Shamrock Shakes."
30:55 H. Foley? Ooh.
30:55 Speaker 01 That's a tough look.
30:56 H. Foley? I respect that move, though.
30:58 Speaker 01 FYI, it was buy one, get one free, so the $2.47 charge did not clear.
31:04 H. Foley? Ooh.
31:05 Speaker 01 That's... Bad.
31:07 H. Foley? I like the cute idea of, "Let's go get Shamrock Shakes. Come on, we'll go get Shamrock."
31:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you gotta be able to execute that.
31:13 H. Foley? Yeah. Think they made them give them back? 'Cause I would assume that time of the night, you're not... They don't do the two-window system.
31:21 Speaker 01 You're assuming drive-thru.
31:23 H. Foley? Who didn't go in? Come on.
31:25 Speaker 01 I mean, you can't make any assumptions on a guy's car getting declined at $2.47.
31:30 H. Foley? Nah, I'd say they didn't go in. If I had to guess.
31:32 Speaker 01 I would say that's part of the date. If you're... I would say that's part of the date, you know what I mean? Like, "Ah, let's go in, we'll go..." You know, it's like, a drive-thru is what? You're killing 30... You don't wanna extend that out a little bit, I would think.
31:44 H. Foley? Hmm, maybe.
31:45 Speaker 01 Make it a little cutesy. You can't be cute unless you're just knocking boots in them.
31:48 H. Foley? I don't love the foo-foo stuff that they do at McDonald's anymore with the...
31:51 Speaker 01 I would love to know what the foo-foo stuff they're doing.
31:53 H. Foley? They do the whipped cream and the cherry. That's not... I don't like that.
31:57 Speaker 01 On what? The burgers?
31:58 H. Foley? No.
31:59 Speaker 01 No whack all over there.
32:00 H. Foley? No, on the shakes. I like the regular, old school shakes.
32:04 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
32:04 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
32:05 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah. I don't know. I'm not, not... Sounds like you're still banging on the shakes a little bit.
32:12 H. Foley? You've seen them? Commercials?
32:14 Speaker 01 Sure. Um, $2.47 decline is tough, cuz it's... It's pretty good, cuz you can go fraud charge, or something. Cuz no one doesn't expect you to have $2.50.
32:29 H. Foley? There's something wrong with the chip.
32:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's gotta be, you know, something. If it's 60 bucks, that's more believable that you don't have it.
32:39 H. Foley? I now do the move of, uh, let's see if this goes through.
32:44 Speaker 01 Aw, man, that is a... I've done that.
32:47 H. Foley? That's my move. Hold on, let's see if it goes through first. Yeah, I've been having trouble with that one.
32:51 Speaker 01 You know why? Traveling a lot.
32:53 H. Foley? Traveling a lot.
32:54 Speaker 01 Rich guy like me, traveling a lot.
32:56 H. Foley? I got a lot of magnets on me.
32:59 H. Foley? I work in magnets. I work for 3M. That's what I tell people. I work for 3M. I work over at the 3M plant. Lot of magnets.
33:10 Speaker 01 They're demagnetizing your card?
33:12 H. Foley? Yeah, they're demagnetizing my card.
33:13 Speaker 01 Don't you hate that when you check into a hotel and they're like, "Don't put it near any..." It's like, "Well, I put this on my asshole. Where else am I gonna put a credit card-sized card?"
33:21 H. Foley? Yeah, that's... That happened to me a couple of times the last time we traveled, which was weird.
33:25 Speaker 01 You work with magnets? The 3M plant?
33:27 H. Foley? Sure, the 3M plant.
33:28 Speaker 01 Jammed me up.
33:29 H. Foley? I'm a senior shift-
33:30 Speaker 01 Wait, did you think when I said traveling, that the credit card key did it? The magnet from the...
33:38 H. Foley? No.
33:38 Speaker 01 Room... Okay, I wasn't sure.
33:39 H. Foley? No, no, I just meant cuz we're traveling.
33:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:41 H. Foley? Yeah, you know. I don't know, people travel a lot.
33:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, it gets shut down overseas.
33:46 H. Foley? Yeah, it was overseas.
33:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:47 H. Foley? I was in Turkey.
33:48 Speaker 01 Jammed me up. Turkey?
33:49 H. Foley? Nah, Greece.
33:50 Speaker 01 Greece.
33:50 H. Foley? Yeah. But I was in Turkey and then went over to Greece. Had to do some business over there.
33:56 Speaker 01 I had a lot of business. I worked for 3M.
33:58 H. Foley? I worked for 3M.
33:59 Speaker 01 I'm actually their main guy over there, closing all the deals.
34:01 H. Foley? Shift supervisor.
34:03 Speaker 01 Oh, in Turkey and Greece?
34:04 H. Foley? Yeah. I just tap into plants and check in on them.
34:07 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
34:07 H. Foley? So I have a lot of magnets around. We have a lot of magnet technology coming.
34:11 Speaker 01 Here at 3M.
34:12 H. Foley? Yeah.
34:12 Speaker 01 I can't talk about it.
34:13 H. Foley? No.
34:14 Speaker 01 I would get jammed up. Actually, it's probably 3M who canceled my card, cuz I'm talking about all these magnet projects.
34:18 H. Foley? No, they wouldn't do that.
34:19 Speaker 01 Okay, well, that's a fun yes-and-you got rolling there.
34:23 H. Foley? You don't know how the business works.
34:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, apparently. Apparently, shift supervisor.
34:27 H. Foley? But if my car gets a client, that's the reason why.
34:29 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
34:30 H. Foley? A lot of magnets.
34:31 Speaker 01 Definitely.
34:31 H. Foley? I have some on me.
34:33 Speaker 01 Guy in magnets, you gotta have magnets on you.
34:35 H. Foley? That's right.
34:36 Speaker 01 Friends and family discount. Don't tell anybody I should be giving you this discount.
34:39 H. Foley? I can cancel your card. I can cancel your card right now.
34:42 Speaker 01 It's already canceled. I'm traveling.
34:44 H. Foley? I just canceled it. I have magnets in my brain. That's a new thing PM's doing, putting magnets in your brain.
34:50 Speaker 01 Okay, I genuinely think you might have magnets in your brain at this point, and you're slowly becoming, uh, senile.
34:56 H. Foley? I keep sticking to the refrigerator. Nothing on it? I stick to the refrigerator?
35:01 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
35:02 H. Foley? That's where magnets go.
35:03 Speaker 01 Oh, shit, okay, gotcha. That's funny, yeah, yeah. I was trying not to make a fat joke.
35:09 H. Foley? Why?
35:10 Speaker 01 Fat guy stuck to the refrigerator? What do you mean, why? I don't know, honey on the handle or something?
35:16 H. Foley? Keeps our honey in the refrigerator.
35:18 Speaker 01 I said on the handle. When we're raw honey, you're supposed to, making that up.
35:21 H. Foley? Is that true?
35:22 Speaker 01 No.
35:23 H. Foley? Did you ever see that-
35:24 Speaker 01 Just trying to win this fake bit we got going on.
35:26 H. Foley? Did you ever think, did you ever see the thing, uh, the way you test to see if honey's real? You take a little bit of it, and you put it in like a saucer, okay? You put like, uh, like, I don't know, like, uh, like that size honey.
35:37 Speaker 01 What kind of life do you think I'm living where I'm testing if honey's real?
35:39 H. Foley? And you put water over top of it, and you go one way, and you go the other way, and if it forms a honeycomb, that's real honey. It's called memory. It remembers where it came from. Or it could just be the water going back and forth that way.
35:52 Speaker 01 Could have been a fake video you saw, too.
35:54 H. Foley? Yeah. But I saw it at the 3M.
35:56 Speaker 01 Could have been AI. Do you remember when he would try to, he's like, oh yeah, I was looking at this thing, and behind a Walmart in Jersey, there's like this beautiful, this beautiful waterfall, and it was like, somebody's like, this is clearly fake. You, you will buy, you are like, AI's gonna get you if it hasn't already.
36:14 H. Foley? I got a couple of catfishes on me right now, too. Getting me.
36:19 Speaker 01 Man, some of that AI, though. Fall for it.
36:22 H. Foley? 100%.
36:23 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
36:24 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:24 Speaker 01 This is AI right now.
36:26 H. Foley? Is it?
36:26 Speaker 01 Whoa, that just scared me, I gotta be honest with you. I'm, I'm sleep deprived, that just, that just got me.
36:32 H. Foley? What'd you found out if I was AI, and I never existed?
36:36 H. Foley? And you were in here talking to yourself the whole time, yet the show was still a hit?
36:42 Speaker 01 Huh, I can't even get myself there. I'm too tired to do that gymnastics of what that would look like.
36:49 H. Foley? I'm real.
36:51 Speaker 01 I'm not maggot.
36:53 H. Foley? By the way, I do have to tell you something. I don't work for 3M.
36:56 Speaker 01 What?
36:56 H. Foley? Yeah. Sorry. Just a bit, because my credit card didn't go through.
37:03 Speaker 01 Yeah. Now that we have said, I do have disposable income, I am less, I take it less personal. I go, oh, something must be wrong here. Whereas when you don't have it, you're really...
37:18 H. Foley? What? You gotta be kidding me? This is bullshit. I'm gonna sue the whole company. You and 3M.
37:22 Speaker 01 Go get Ronald McDonald. I need to speak to him. Ampersdorfer stole my wallet.
37:27 H. Foley? I have seventeen million dollars in that account. Sir.
37:32 Speaker 01 I was always...
37:32 H. Foley? It's a gift card.
37:33 Speaker 01 I just deposited. I just put in.
37:36 H. Foley? I just put in.
37:37 Speaker 01 I just put fifty grand in there.
37:39 H. Foley? Yeah. A check just cleared. Come on, give it to me. I'm on a date.
37:44 Speaker 01 Guys, come on. Trying to fuck this broad over here.
37:49 Speaker 01 Uh, he might have not known. He might have known there's a chance of it not going through.
37:54 H. Foley? I mean, if it's 245, you're down to that?
37:58 Speaker 01 And then they were also buy one, get one.
37:59 H. Foley? Yeah.
38:00 Speaker 01 That's a cheap date.
38:00 H. Foley? Yeah, you know.
38:01 Speaker 01 You know what you did.
38:03 H. Foley? But that might be a good deal breaker, or, sorry, a good icebreaker. Let's see how this broad reacts when I got no cash.
38:08 Speaker 01 I mean, Luke's shaking his head, but listen, a guy who's got $2.47, you're not, I'm sure that broad's card, she's not dating fucking... The shift supervisor at 3M, you know what I mean? She's dating guys who's, you know...
38:28 H. Foley? The card might not go through.
38:29 Speaker 01 Yeah. That's where these guys hang. They met at a bar, they went to state, they're not.
38:34 H. Foley? That's a ride or die lady.
38:35 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying. If she stuck with him, maybe she said, "Ooh, you're gross."
38:41 Speaker 01 Okay. Guys heard that before.
38:45 H. Foley? I wrote that one.
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39:17 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see, this one's from Jared. $10 homie never had one read. Are you garbed if you bring your own avocado to a restaurant because you don't want to pay extra? My girlfriend's dad does this everywhere I go, could be a pub or Ruth's Chris. Like I dropped Ruth's Chris.
39:31 H. Foley? Can't do that.
39:31 Speaker 01 P.S. He got called out at a Denny's where the waiter said, "You're not fooling anyone, we know, sir." Huh.
39:37 H. Foley? Yeah, you can't do that shit. That's just putting everybody in an awkward position.
39:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:42 H. Foley? You need avocado that fucking bed? Avocado would, but, well, Denny's isn't gonna have.
39:49 Speaker 01 I bet you Denny's has avocado at this point.
39:51 H. Foley? You think?
39:52 Speaker 01 Some sort of omelet with avocado. Get on Denny's. Give me a Denny's menu rundown, right? Let's get eyes on a Denny's menu, it's been a minute for me.
40:00 H. Foley? Let's do the whole thing?
40:01 Speaker 01 Not the whole thing, but, you know.
40:02 Speaker 06 They got avocado?
40:03 Speaker 01 Boom.
40:04 H. Foley? Really? They have the moons, the moons over my, my, my hammy.
40:08 Speaker 01 Oh, we did one on Route 66, we did at Denny's.
40:10 H. Foley? We did.
40:11 Speaker 01 At a truck stop.
40:12 H. Foley? They have the moons over my hammy sandwich, which looks really good.
40:16 Speaker 01 That name bothers me.
40:18 H. Foley? Does it?
40:19 Speaker 01 I just don't, yeah, yeah.
40:20 H. Foley? My hammy, instead of Miami, it's hammy.
40:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't like cutesy name, just give me the fucking, you know, what are we doing here?
40:28 Speaker 06 Uh, I mean, they got the super slams, kind of, they got the French toast slam.
40:32 H. Foley? What's the super slam?
40:33 Speaker 01 Like, you don't know what the super, okay, okay.
40:36 H. Foley? Can you name a grand slam breakfast?
40:38 Speaker 01 It's probably one of everything, isn't it?
40:40 H. Foley? Two eggs.
40:41 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
40:41 H. Foley? Hash browns, toast, bacon, sausage, or ham.
40:46 Speaker 01 It's a hungry man where I come from.
40:47 H. Foley? Yeah.
40:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:48 H. Foley? But it's a, it's a grand slam.
40:50 Speaker 01 A hungry man.
40:51 H. Foley? And pancakes. What's the super slam?
40:52 Speaker 01 Or a lumberjack.
40:53 Speaker 06 Super slam.
40:54 Speaker 01 The lumber, lumberjacks, because they, they're doing all that lumberjack and they need all them, that extra carbs.
40:59 H. Foley? You think they'd be tired after all that? Be sleepy. I eat a pancake, I'm done.
41:04 Speaker 01 You are done, lumberjack. Twelve hours for one pancake?
41:07 H. Foley? Oh, forget it.
41:08 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
41:09 H. Foley? I can't eat pancakes, man. They knock me the fuck out. I'm done. Now all that syrup and butter? Mm-mm. I'm asleep. If I'm having pancakes on a Sunday, I'm going straight back to bed. I ain't cutting down shit.
41:22 Speaker 01 How you at the top of 3M right there?
41:24 H. Foley? That's right.
41:24 Speaker 01 Wake up, eat, bed.
41:27 H. Foley? You're having pancakes? Don't give me pancakes.
41:28 Speaker 01 No, listen, whoever's giving you pancakes, stop giving you pancakes.
41:31 H. Foley? I haven't had pancakes in forever.
41:33 Speaker 01 That's... okay.
41:35 H. Foley? Unless a McGriddle counts.
41:37 Speaker 01 Sure. Luke?
41:39 Speaker 06 Does a McGriddle count?
41:40 Speaker 01 No.
41:41 H. Foley? No, I wasn't answering that yet. I don't need your opinion on that.
41:44 Speaker 06 Two buttermilk pancakes, two sausage links, two bacon strips, two eggs, and hash browns.
41:49 H. Foley? That's a super?
41:50 Speaker 06 That's the super slam.
41:51 Speaker 01 You get, you get all the meats.
41:53 H. Foley? Hmm. What's a regular slam?
41:56 Speaker 01 Probably one of, or two of the meats.
41:58 Speaker 06 Everyday value slam is, uh, choose two buttermilk pancakes, uh, two slices, or two slices of french toast, or biscuit and gravy, served with eggs, bacon.
42:08 H. Foley? Or biscuit and gravy?
42:09 Speaker 06 Yeah.
42:10 H. Foley? Ah, they fucked that up.
42:13 Speaker 01 I think they know what they're doing.
42:14 H. Foley? I like a biscuits and gravy.
42:16 Speaker 01 Sure.
42:16 H. Foley? But I would need, I would need the pancakes and a french toast. I couldn't do biscuits and gravy, or french toast, or pancakes.
42:23 Speaker 01 I got you.
42:24 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
42:25 Speaker 01 Sure.
42:25 H. Foley? Cause that's savory.
42:26 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
42:27 H. Foley? You need to have the sweet to make it a grand slam. Get it over the wall.
42:30 Speaker 01 Sure. Um, to go yard on them?
42:33 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
42:34 Speaker 01 But back to the sneaking it into Denny's. I kind of respect it. Is it trashier to sneak it into a classier place, or, Denny's being like, buddy, it's Denny's. Suck my dick, I got my fresh avocado here. Not that I respect it, but I'm saying, what's worse?
42:48 H. Foley? I think it's, I think it's worse to do it at Denny's.
42:51 Speaker 01 I think I gotta push back on that.
42:52 H. Foley? It's worse to do that to the server at Denny's.
42:54 Speaker 01 Denny's is kinda lawless. I would argue the server at Denny's goes, I don't give a fuck, hon. I just was on a date last night and the guy's card got declined. Fucking get me a, you know, I got bigger problems than this old man sneaking in his fucking avocados, you know?
43:06 H. Foley? Sure.
43:06 Speaker 01 That's what I would say. I don't- My wife does it at one restaurant in Germany that I don't like.
43:13 H. Foley? What?
43:14 Speaker 01 I've had to tell you this before.
43:15 H. Foley? No, you have not.
43:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:17 H. Foley? What is she doing?
43:18 Speaker 01 Like a yogurt or something like that she takes in, because they don't offer it. The food's very spicy and they don't offer it. But she brings it in. It's...
43:26 H. Foley? A yogurt?
43:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:27 H. Foley? To do what?
43:28 Speaker 01 To like, cut the spiciness of the food.
43:32 H. Foley? I don't understand.
43:33 Speaker 01 I just explained it.
43:34 H. Foley? How does yogurt help? Like a plain yogurt?
43:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, like a yogurt is a dairy. Dairy counteracts the spiciness.
43:42 H. Foley? Does she mix it in?
43:43 Speaker 01 No, she'll like, put it on like, the side or something, I guess, yeah. I gotta be honest with you. I also dabble in it. It makes it a li- it makes, it makes the bite a little better, you know what I mean? But, she gives it, she tells them too.
43:54 H. Foley? Whoa.
43:55 Speaker 01 It's a, it's more of an ethnic cuisine.
43:58 H. Foley? Uh huh.
43:59 Speaker 01 Uh, so that it, it lends to be a little spicier.
44:03 H. Foley? Uh huh.
44:04 Speaker 01 Uh...
44:04 H. Foley? What are you talking, Ethiopian?
44:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:06 H. Foley? Pakistani?
44:06 Speaker 01 Eritrean.
44:07 H. Foley? Eritrean?
44:08 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
44:09 H. Foley? Who are they?
44:10 Speaker 01 Oh, up by Pluto.
44:12 H. Foley? Like the Sumer- Sumerian joint?
44:14 Speaker 01 Uh, Eritrean, I believe. It's like, it's like Ethiopian, but I think it's, uh, yeah, Eritrea.
44:19 H. Foley? Hmm.
44:20 Speaker 01 Anyway, she tells them, "Hey, listen." She asks permission.
44:24 H. Foley? Okay.
44:24 Speaker 01 She goes, "Listen, I brought this." We stopped at a store on the way.
44:28 H. Foley? It's not like a banana and strawberries. It's like a plain yogurt, right?
44:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's not, yeah, like a, like, yes.
44:33 H. Foley? It's like sour cream?
44:34 Speaker 01 Yes.
44:35 H. Foley? Hmm.
44:36 Speaker 01 I mean, do you really think she was bringing in a bananas and a plain yogurt?
44:39 H. Foley? I don't know.
44:40 Speaker 01 To mix with...
44:41 H. Foley? You two wackadoos are up to...
44:42 Speaker 01 Eritrean fruit, Eritrean round. How you doing? That's what I'm going for.
44:46 H. Foley? Talk to me.
44:47 Speaker 01 Uh, but she, I was just like, babe, this is fucking crazy. You can do this, you can do this over here. We get back to America, you ain't fucking...
44:54 H. Foley? How do you feel about the Seinfeld, when, when he brings the, the maple syrup into the, into the diner for his pancakes? With Courtney Cox. Would you be okay with that?
45:02 Speaker 01 Hmm.
45:03 H. Foley? If I was showing up with my own syrup?
45:04 Speaker 01 Yes, because we're not charging you for syrup, you're also then saving me money. I'm offering a sub-quality product.
45:10 H. Foley? Hmm.
45:11 Speaker 01 Right? You're not saving any money. If anything, you're going, you're not using my syrup.
45:16 H. Foley? Hmm.
45:16 Speaker 01 I think it's pretentious, and I would go, just go to a place, "Listen, if you want fucking avocado," let's use the syrup example. If you don't know, Kramer sneaks in sar- or Kramer and Jerry's...
45:26 H. Foley? Syrup.
45:26 Speaker 01 Syrup, syrup, syrup. Uh, to a diner for pancakes.
45:34 Speaker 01 If that's the case, just go somewhere else and get your fucking pancakes that had, that makes them the way you like them.
45:39 H. Foley? You know, it sounds crazy.
45:39 Speaker 01 That's what I would say.
45:41 H. Foley? The...
45:41 Speaker 01 If you want premium products, go to the places that serve premium products. You're at a fucking diner, you get what the fucking diner gives you.
45:48 H. Foley? I never thought that I would say this, but at, at the age that I'm at, I do prefer, uh, real maple syrup as opposed to like, you know, um...
45:59 H. Foley? The...
46:00 Speaker 01 Chemical shit.
46:01 H. Foley? Yeah. Which is crazy. I never thought, I've never had that the first time when you were a kid.
46:05 Speaker 01 I don't think I ever.
46:06 H. Foley? It's like pouring iced tea on your French toast. It was gross.
46:09 Speaker 01 I might put, I don't think I've ever had it.
46:11 H. Foley? Really? Real maple syrup?
46:15 H. Foley? It's quite good.
46:16 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I don't know. My wife gets it. I don't, I just, when I'm, I'm not eating it. I'm not eating pancakes and French toast like that. I'm not accusing anybody of at this table of doing that. I'm just saying, I don't... Yeah. I mean, as a kid, it was, I'm an Aunt Jemima man.
46:33 H. Foley? Yeah, me too. Mrs. Butterworth.
46:35 Speaker 01 Nah, that was, that was not for us.
46:37 H. Foley? Really?
46:38 Speaker 01 We were a Jemima family.
46:38 H. Foley? Little face on it?
46:40 Speaker 01 We were the Aunt Jemima pancakes, which I never understood how you made pancakes from a box of flour like that. It blew my fucking... I remember holding the box, looking at it going, "You mean these pancakes are in here somehow? How the fuck do I get them in me?" When Denise would throw down on pancakes, "Woo! She can cook a hell of a brekkie. Hell of a brekkie." She really knows it.
47:03 H. Foley? Getting the bubbles going and everything.
47:04 Speaker 01 She made us something down the shore the other night. She called like, they call it like soccer pasta or something like that. It's like a real quick meal in 30 minutes. You take like... Ground meat.
47:18 Speaker 01 It's like a one pot pasta type thing. Ground meat, you know, it's like penne. It's like...
47:22 H. Foley? Ship it.
47:23 Speaker 01 It's like the most Irish fucking pasta. It's penne, ground beef probably, that you think you probably, she probably salted, you cook it in a pan real quick, dump it in, cook the pasta, dump it all in a pot, sprinkle some fucking... Low moisture mozzarella on it.
47:39 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
47:39 Speaker 01 Throw it in the oven. Like a zee- like a big-
47:42 H. Foley? No sauce?
47:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, sauce too, I'm sorry. Big ziti type thing.
47:45 H. Foley? I'm with it.
47:45 Speaker 01 Yeah. I'm gonna make soccer pasta. I'm like, what the fuck you talking about lady?
47:51 H. Foley? My mommy's-
47:52 Speaker 01 That's what the kids call it, soccer pasta.
47:53 H. Foley? My mommy used to hit us with summer spaghetti, you know what that is? Basically cold spaghetti with, uh, vegetables and Italian dressing on it.
48:01 Speaker 01 Dude, I don't- vegetables and pasta- Can kick fucking rocks. To me. That's just me. What do I know? Um...
48:11 H. Foley? Avocado bringing to restaurants, stop doing that.
48:13 Speaker 01 Stop anything to a restaurant, just stop. Or go to a restaurant that has that, or you- This is the problem.
48:20 H. Foley? You're putting- the only reason I care about it, you're just putting the server in an awkward situation.
48:24 Speaker 01 Yes, 100%.
48:24 H. Foley? I gotta deal with this now?
48:25 Speaker 01 100%.
48:26 H. Foley? Or I gotta not deal with it? And then what happens if my dickhead manager, who doesn't like me to begin with, because I'm fucking leaving to do auditions? I usually come in all fucked up and crashed out, fucking, I do a bad job anyway. Now this guy's gonna start busting my balls. Did you say something to that guy about the avocado? And then I gotta be the fucking dickhead. And then you're gonna be a dickhead to me? Oh, what's the big deal? Come on, man. What are you doing?
48:48 Speaker 01 Trying to fucking make it work here.
48:50 H. Foley? Trying to get a bag after this. You're fucking up my shit. I've earned enough cash tips to get the bag. You think they're gonna be fucking happy about that?
48:58 Speaker 01 Now my kids are in jeopardy.
49:00 H. Foley? Now my kids are in jeopardy. Supposed to go on this date later with this broad. I told her I work for 3M. I don't think she believes me.
49:08 Speaker 01 And I only got 2.46 in my bank.
49:09 H. Foley? I got 2.45 on me. Broad wants to go out to dinner. What am I supposed to do? I wish I could bring my avocado to a restaurant where I was taking this broad.
49:17 Speaker 01 Sure. Uh, to me, it's a bigger thing of like, where are him? As a society, we get everything we want and how you want, like-
49:27 Speaker 01 Through like the Uber, you just get anything you want is there.
49:30 H. Foley? What's a side avocado at Denny's?
49:32 Speaker 01 It's probably three bucks.
49:33 H. Foley? Three bucks?
49:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:35 H. Foley? You always get screwed on that anyway. You never get a, don't ever ask for a side of avocado. You're gonna get less than a half of an avocado.
49:43 Speaker 01 Or some places, they give you too much. Did you ever see that?
49:46 H. Foley? No.
49:46 Speaker 01 There's been, there's some places in New York where, I guess, you're like, they just gave me 15 avocados. A lot of avocados.
49:51 H. Foley? Really?
49:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. Um, but, it's the thing, it's like, I don't like it because it's like selfish to me. It's like, you get to do, you get to just ruin the rules and break the rules because you like avocado with ev- First of all, you're eating avocado with every fucking meal?
50:07 H. Foley? Weird.
50:08 Speaker 01 What kind of fucking asshole are you? Huh?
50:10 H. Foley? I think it would go good with that soccer pasta though, to be honest with you.
50:12 Speaker 01 No.
50:13 H. Foley? No?
50:14 Speaker 01 No. What?
50:15 H. Foley? I don't know.
50:15 Speaker 01 Where does that mix in?
50:16 H. Foley? I don't know. I got pancakes on a bread.
50:18 Speaker 01 I know. It's getting sleepy just thinking about them.
50:22 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, just fucking, then don't go out, then cook every meal. If you want avocado with every meal, then cook every fucking meal. Everybody, it's the same thing with like all, making crazy changes. Can I do this and fucking cha- I love Tommy Cassi. Tommy Cassi does that. You go out and you go, hey, comes with a side of potatoes or a side of fucking vegetables?
50:40 H. Foley? Oh, man.
50:41 Speaker 01 Can I do a side of, uh, you know-
50:42 H. Foley? It's always the lobster bisque.
50:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, can I do a side of filet? It's like, no motherfucker, you can't.
50:47 H. Foley? Tommy always wants to sub the lobster bisque for whatever side is on there.
50:50 Speaker 01 That's just dirtbag shit.
50:51 H. Foley? It's crazy.
50:52 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
50:52 H. Foley? The lobster bisque?
50:57 H. Foley? Man.
50:57 Speaker 01 But just like, and we, we come from very, just fucking go by the rule. You bucket a little more, you know,
51:05 H. Foley? Excuse me?
51:06 Speaker 01 As of recently.
51:07 H. Foley? What? What do I do?
51:09 Speaker 01 I don't know why you're taking attitude to it. You're very much, you will ask to make exceptions to the rules sometimes.
51:15 H. Foley? I never ask to make exceptions to the rules. I will ask to add something on and pay for, and pay for it.
51:20 Speaker 01 No one's saying you don't want to pay for it, I'm just saying there's a lot of-
51:22 H. Foley? Give me an example.
51:23 Speaker 01 I don't know, hey, this, does it come with this? What's that? Okay, could I just do, it, there's a, there's a, put a pin in it. There are a lot of talking to the waiter. More talking than anyone else at the table.
51:35 H. Foley? I have certain dietary restrictions.
51:37 Speaker 01 And requests. Now, can you deep fry my avocado I brought? Hey, you're asking him just, hey, can you cook these mozzarella sticks? You got a bag of foot- You got an appetizer sampler frozen in a bag?
51:50 H. Foley? Instead of the salad, can I do pancakes? See, that would be a pretty even switch.
51:54 Speaker 01 What?
51:55 H. Foley? Yeah, instead of the salad or the vegetable, do pancakes.
51:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:59 H. Foley? That's how I would do that.
51:59 Speaker 01 Nah, never. Write it down. Um-
52:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, but like it's just fucking go, just get along to go along. No need to fucking, stop making, you're not important. No one's important. Just get what the fuck they have and shut the fuck up. Take that to the bank.
52:17 H. Foley? Alright, fine.
52:19 Speaker 01 Not you specifically.
52:20 H. Foley? I'll have the pancakes.
52:21 Speaker 01 That was more towards...
52:22 H. Foley? I understand.
52:23 Speaker 01 Uh...
52:24 H. Foley? The royal us.
52:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:25 H. Foley? Right?
52:26 Speaker 01 No, we're not. Just shut the fuck up. You don't need avocado. First of all, avocado in every meal is...
52:33 H. Foley? It's good, maybe it's good fats. It's got heart stuff. It's good for, it's good, um... Non-saturated fat.
52:41 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
52:42 H. Foley? It's good, avocado oil's good for you.
52:44 Speaker 01 Sure. Cook with it, do it at home. You don't need avocado every meal. If you don't, eat it in the car before fucking go to the bathroom and fucking boof it real quick. Fucking making your problem, everybody's problem. Fuck outta here.
52:56 H. Foley? Just crushing an avocado, ugh. Need a little salsa. Chibi jungle.
53:03 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I don't, I don't even like slices of avocado.
53:06 H. Foley? You know avocado would be good instead of the yogurt at that place. That would cool it down a little bit.
53:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, something to take the edge off. That's all. That's all she's looking for.
53:14 H. Foley? I wonder if he cuts it there? Cause that's kind of a ballsy move. He just walks in with an avocado. Or does he have a little avocado in like a container?
53:23 H. Foley? That might make a difference.
53:26 Speaker 01 Hmm.
53:27 H. Foley? Cause you could just...
53:27 Speaker 01 I don't know what way I like better.
53:29 H. Foley? I think if you go in there and you're sitting there cutting it like a dickhead. That's kinda like in their face. But if you have a little bit of avocado in a thing and you just throw it on your plate and then put the container in your, in your shirt or whatever. That's not bad. Who's gonna see that? What's that green stuff over there? I wouldn't say anything about that. I'd look the other way about that. But if you leave and there's a fucking dead avocado peel on the table, I gotta fucking do some explaining to my shift manager. Who is a dickhead?
53:56 Speaker 01 Well, I already said, does not like me.
53:58 H. Foley? Right?
53:58 Speaker 01 For my previous transgression.
54:00 H. Foley? Of course. I don't do my side work. I show up late.
54:03 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
54:04 H. Foley? Knows I'm yacked out.
54:05 Speaker 01 Sure.
54:06 H. Foley? I might be a little hungover.
54:07 Speaker 01 Slept on a park bench out front.
54:08 H. Foley? Yeah.
54:09 Speaker 01 I was always crazy that you would do that to me. I was, you remember like, I'm just gonna go crash out on the bench. I remember being like, "Motherfucker, that is crazy to me."
54:17 H. Foley? I put my wallet and my keys in my butthole.
54:19 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
54:21 H. Foley? Both fit comfortably. It wouldn't be for like a couple hours.
54:25 Speaker 01 No, I know. I was, I was out drinking with you. I'm, I'm well aware of the situation.
54:29 H. Foley? Had to be out on the scene, ma- you know, showing it, doing it. It's the way it was. It's what got us here, baby.
54:36 Speaker 01 You fucking shrunk out on a park bench is what got us here? It's the way to diminish the fucking 15 years of hard work we put in? Nah, I like doing drugs and drinking till late and...
54:47 H. Foley? No, we were out making the scene.
54:48 Speaker 01 Even when I have responsibilities in the morning, so I'll go be homeless.
54:52 H. Foley? No, we were out making the scene, being out there, showing up.
54:55 Speaker 01 We were drinking at the Village Lantern.
54:58 H. Foley? Following leads.
55:01 Speaker 01 Working the streets. Working CIs, following leads.
55:06 H. Foley? That's some American Gangster, if you guys don't know.
55:08 Speaker 01 Yeah. Uh, alright, let's see here. Um...
55:13 H. Foley? Right before he jumps out of the ambulance. Which will probably be how our relationship will end.
55:20 H. Foley? I'd jump out of a moving ambulance. I gotta take you in. Alright, that sounds good.
55:26 Speaker 01 Hey, what's that over there? Slap chop me in the throat and fucking roll out the bag. That's how, I don't know if it really works in real life, but if you wanna get away from someone, slap chop to the throat, apparently in movies, works 100% of the time.
55:42 H. Foley? I remember the one that Denzel does to the kid in, uh, He Got Game. He really catches him. Catches him right here. What'd you say?
55:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'll fucking take you out. Fucking love that movie.
55:53 H. Foley? Ray Allen.
55:55 Speaker 01 Gary Payton.
55:57 H. Foley? Gary Payton was...
55:59 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, this is in the same world here, which I think everybody will be on the complete, we'll take the other side here. This is, uh, from episode preview, $10 undercover, Hermano Basura. Never had one read. "Are you garbage if you sneak alcohol onto a flight? I was at the airport this weekend and I saw a lady pour two drinks into her water bottle." I'm okay with that, cuz these fucking corporate fat cats. You know what I mean?
56:29 H. Foley? Yeah, um...
56:30 Speaker 01 If you can buy, I mean, I don't know where she's getting it. She's either buying it at the bar, I guess? But then you're paying, that ain't cheap at a fucking airport bar.
56:40 Speaker 01 So it's good, you gotta get it after.
56:42 H. Foley? Do they sell airplane bottles at the duty-free places? I would assume they do.
56:48 Speaker 01 Probably not the small ones, just the big ones.
56:50 H. Foley? For that reason.
56:51 Speaker 01 I would assume so, yeah. Cause they say.
56:54 H. Foley? My only thing with that.
56:55 Speaker 01 They say, I've been on flights, on international flights, they do not drink any alcohol that you don't purchase from us. Which is bullshit. You probably a lot of fight, you know, probably people are probably getting nuts.
57:06 H. Foley? Yeah, dude. Free booze on a plane? Listen.
57:10 Speaker 01 Well, you get Luke Scott something, what?
57:11 Speaker 06 So there was this thing, and I remember, cause Burt was doing it. You're allowed to bring like a certain amount of those airplane bottles into the airport with you. You're just not allowed to consume them on the flight.
57:22 Speaker 01 You're allowed, cause they're under, it's like, it could be like your toothpaste.
57:26 Speaker 06 Exactly.
57:26 Speaker 01 Get me a number on that, if you can, do a little deep dive. Might be the Burt rule, they might have, he might have fucking ruined it for everybody.
57:32 Speaker 06 So it's as many as you can fit, I think, in a court-sized bag. Cause I remember Burt being like, you're allowed to bring like six of them or something, and that was his trick for a while.
57:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, good for you then.
57:44 Speaker 06 Yeah.
57:44 Speaker 01 If you can get it through security, and then make fucking, or if you're at like Applebee's and they got, they probably don't do specials at the airport like that. Like a pitcher of margaritas for $9.99 or something, you know, and it can get you all fucked up. Otherwise, I'd be going, I'd be going without a ticket, just fucking going through TSA pre-check.
58:04 H. Foley? Getting fucked up at JFK. I'll do the Hellraiser pitcher. Double. Uh, here's my only thing about that, I'm a pussy when it comes to the air stuff, like, that's FAA, whatever. That's the kinda shit they would take you off the plane for.
58:22 Speaker 01 I think they would just go, hey, so you can't drink that. Also, you're in the fucking back like that?
58:26 H. Foley? I know, but if you have a bo, if, if you have conspired. Like if you, if like, like there was.
58:33 Speaker 01 You think?
58:33 H. Foley? There, hold on, there was one where these three ladies were on like the way to like a bachelorette party, and they had little, little shots, and they were like, "Hey, we're on our way to our vacation," and they were doing like a nice little toast, and the flight attendant came over like, "Girls, I'm sorry, you can't have that," and took them away. And they were like, "Oh, okay." That I understand, but if I have it in a bottle, I've conspired.
58:53 Speaker 01 Now you think you're enemy of the state.
58:55 H. Foley? Something.
58:56 Speaker 01 That's, I mean, talk about being a, a poussey.
59:00 H. Foley? Would you let them tie me up?
59:01 Speaker 01 What?
59:02 H. Foley? What if they wanted to tie me up to the seat?
59:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'd, dude, I'd fucking, I'd be all over it.
59:08 H. Foley? I'm still trying to get my meal.
59:11 Speaker 01 Give me, give me, give me num nums.
59:16 H. Foley? Adi hasta.
59:18 Speaker 01 I think, I think it would be one of those things.
59:20 H. Foley? Nothing on that. Adi hasta.
59:25 Speaker 01 I got an apple juice with a straw in it.
59:28 H. Foley? It's a terrorist show. I had to terrorist show, say it cut. Cause I'm, my mouth tied up.
59:33 Speaker 01 I gotcha. I'm picking, picking. You are a good actor.
59:38 H. Foley? This guy's a dickhead, look at me.
59:40 Speaker 01 That's my jerk off buddy here. He don't work for 3M.
59:45 H. Foley? It's a head idea.
59:46 Speaker 01 Couldn't cut it. Uh, couldn't hack in a 3M.
59:50 Speaker 01 They let him go.
59:51 H. Foley? This guy got a small dick. You hear what I said?
59:57 H. Foley? Thank you.
1:00:00 Speaker 01 I don't know if you're talking to me now or in the character.
1:00:02 H. Foley? In the character, on the plane, I'm yelling at you, cause you let them tie me up, didn't defend me.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 Uh huh. You deserved it, you were conspiring against people.
1:00:11 H. Foley? I'm an alcohol problem.
1:00:17 Speaker 01 I gotta drink.
1:00:18 H. Foley? Don't tell anybody at 3M.
1:00:21 Speaker 01 Now put my keys in my wallet and my ass, and let me go to bed. Um.
1:00:26 H. Foley? Yeah, that, that's all I'm saying, is that that's, and that's real.
1:00:29 Speaker 01 I would argue that there's, there would be less, cause listen, the guys that are doing that,
1:00:35 Speaker 01 people that aren't doing it, aren't going to abuse it. I would argue.
1:00:38 H. Foley? No, I'd, see, I'd disagree with that.
1:00:40 Speaker 01 Cause then they're gonna abuse it on, listen, if you wanna get fucked up on a plane.
1:00:43 H. Foley? If you're pouring liquor in a water bottle, you got a fucking problem.
1:00:46 Speaker 01 I'm not saying you don't.
1:00:47 H. Foley? And you're gonna slip up. That's gonna be pure vodka, you're gonna get fucked up.
1:00:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, then what?
1:00:51 H. Foley? You're gonna start saying some fucked up shit, and you're gonna end up getting fucking.
1:00:55 Speaker 01 You're, you're so wrong in this.
1:00:57 H. Foley? Seatbelt extender to the fucking seat.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 Listen, if you're.
1:01:00 H. Foley? I know how I would be.
1:01:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've watched you drink 18 fucking Bloody Marys and be fine. If you, if you had a bottle of Tito's and you were pouring it, listen, and also, I've been on planes where I've drank them out of vodka. Shout out to Miami for it.
1:01:15 H. Foley? How you doing?
1:01:18 Speaker 01 So it's like.
1:01:21 Speaker 01 You're gonna, if you really wanna drink that bad, to the point where you're gonna sneak your own vodka in or whatever, you're gonna buy the vodka. Money has never stopped, I am an alcoholic, money has never stopped me from getting drunk. If I have fucking forty dollars and I can buy eight drinks for five dollars apiece, I'm buying them drinks. So it's like, I'm gonna drink the drinks regardless if they're mine or yours. You just wanna make money off it. Delta don't make no fucking money if I'm drinking my fucking Jameson. You know what I mean?
1:01:52 H. Foley? I don't, hey, baby, preaching to the choir.
1:01:54 Speaker 01 You travel, you travel across fucking seas, they give it to ya, for free.
1:01:59 H. Foley? They do?
1:01:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's free on fucking trains. If you're going to, if you go to Europe.
1:02:03 H. Foley? If you're in the back?
1:02:03 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:02:04 H. Foley? Booze is free?
1:02:05 Speaker 01 Wine. Fly a Lufthansa flight, dude. They come around, they give you fucking wine, they give you fucking shot, they give you after dinner liquor, they give you beers.
1:02:12 H. Foley? Liquor?
1:02:13 Speaker 01 Liquor. Give you some Baileys.
1:02:15 H. Foley? Let me do some of that schnapps shit, guy.
1:02:17 Speaker 01 They'll give you a cup of Baileys on ice. Okay, and come over and top you off. They don't give a fuck. Not the little ones, they got the full bottles, they're pouring in cups for ya.
1:02:24 H. Foley? I like that.
1:02:25 Speaker 01 It's like a frappe, it's like my, you know.
1:02:26 H. Foley? Wouldn't mind getting back into Baileys a little bit.
1:02:28 Speaker 01 It's great. I love it.
1:02:30 H. Foley? Like a gentleman.
1:02:30 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. Bailey season's coming up.
1:02:33 H. Foley? It is coming up.
1:02:33 Speaker 01 They can make nutty Irishmen.
1:02:34 H. Foley? Ooh.
1:02:37 Speaker 01 Aunt Patty makes a mean nutty Irishman.
1:02:39 H. Foley? Does she?
1:02:40 Speaker 01 That's how I found out about them. We'd sit around and drink that, and coffees. And they had little, little like fancy shot glasses that had like stems on them, you know what I mean?
1:02:51 Speaker 01 And they had shamrocks on them. White sham, like, you know, classy. Not like gaudy green. Like real subtle. And a matching pitcher. And that's what they would be in. And they would fucking, man, the boys would get after it.
1:03:06 H. Foley? Lock you up.
1:03:06 Speaker 01 After Thanksgiving, be sitting there, I'm in a fucking tur-.
1:03:09 H. Foley? Talk about looking for the air marshal, huh?
1:03:13 Speaker 01 Alright, we gotta wrap it up.
1:03:14 H. Foley? What a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Get your tickets for that back on the block door.
1:03:18 Speaker 01 Woo wee!
1:03:19 H. Foley? Come out and see the boys. Have a good time. We love ya, and we'll see you next week.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 Peace!
Previous Cops Under the Influence! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Next Katherine Blanford! Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated