The Mystery Boys Doxx Epstein | FILE_03 | Mystery Boys

Duncan Trussell is touring all over! Check out his tour dates over at http://duncantrussell.com/tour Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell, where government files, occult conspiracies, and internet investigations collide. This week: Jeffrey Epstein's secret phone number, Big Homie. CC's ongoing hunt for Epstein, alien-human hybrid evidence, blood-drinking elites, Disney's ancient evil, and why King Charles' fingers may reveal more than the mainstream media wants to admit. Kurt and Duncan attempt to call Epstein directly, debate whether James Bond was an occult operative, investigate global elite networks, uncover why Kurt was in the files, and ask the important questions about Korean Jesus, federal agents, and women with c*cks. Somewhere along the way, they discover that finding Epstein might be easier than anyone thought. This is not a conspiracy podcast. This is a mystery appreciation podcast. Mystery Boys Ep. 03 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussell https://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedy https://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcast https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:02:15 - Is Kurt Suno-Korean Jesus?00:04:06 - Finding Epstein's Phone Number00:07:17 - Calling Big Homie. CC00:15:17 - Calling Jeffery Epstein00:20:04 - We Are Feds00:21:55 - James Bond Is Occultist?00:23:39 - Evidence Of Alien Human Hybrids00:27:42 - Stop Eating Babies00:39:52 - Blood Drinking00:41:08 - Disney Has Always Been EVIL00:42:15 - It's Time To Derp00:51:25 - Kurt is in THE Files00:57:06 - Women With C*cks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:51Kurt Metzger?

  Have we begun the show?

• 0:55Duncan Trussell?

  Have we begun the show?

• 0:58Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, we started.

• 1:00Duncan Trussell?

  We've begun the show?

• 1:02Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god, well, welcome. I'm, of course, I'm Byung Young Karp, Korean Jesus Junior, Junior, or I guess the third.

• 1:10Duncan Trussell?

  Why Junior?

• 1:11Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Song Young Moon, Korean Jesus.

• 1:14Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I thought you meant Jesus Junior.

• 1:18Kurt Metzger?

  Well, there's like three generations of them now. Go ahead and put the picture, I just wanted to show the tribute. Now, yeah, this guy is in Pennsylvania.

• 1:28Duncan Trussell?

  I just want to say this before you get into this.

• 1:31Kurt Metzger?

  As Korean Jesus, which I do claim to be as well, as an astronaut and a judge, as I've said before.

• 1:36Duncan Trussell?

  I think you are, Jesus.

• 1:38Kurt Metzger?

  I realize that I was, no, not Jesus, Korean Jesus. That's a very specific kind of Jesus.

• 1:43Duncan Trussell?

  What's the difference? I didn't know there was flavors of Jesus.

• 1:46Kurt Metzger?

  Well, yeah, you wouldn't think, would you? You'd think there'd just be one, and we all know what it is.

• 1:52Duncan Trussell?

  I did think that.

• 1:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:54Duncan Trussell?

  Just Jesus, Jesus.

• 1:55Kurt Metzger?

  But it turns out, Koreans can just say they're Jesus or some shit.

• 1:58Duncan Trussell?

  Just because you're, but, okay. No, I don't want to get lost in the weeds at the beginning of the show.

• 2:02Kurt Metzger?

  Professor Zhang came on my show, and he's not, he told me on the show he's not a professor, he's a high school teacher.

• 2:07Duncan Trussell?

  That's a professor.

• 2:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, guess what? I'm Korean Jesus. So we can play at that game.

• 2:11Duncan Trussell?

  I really think you're Korean Jesus.

• 2:14Kurt Metzger?

  It's hard to refuse.

• 2:16Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think you believe you're Korean Jesus.

• 2:18Kurt Metzger?

  It's not for me to say. That's for my followers and for the people that buy merch to say. Okay, that's for, now as Korean Jesus.

• 2:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 2:28Kurt Metzger?

  Or Junior, not, you know, Song Young Moon. Oh, there we go. There's a depiction of a

• 2:33Duncan Trussell?

  There you are.

• 2:34Kurt Metzger?

  Karate Jesus.

• 2:35Duncan Trussell?

  Can I ask you something?

• 2:36Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:39Duncan Trussell?

  Why do you, it just feels really complex. You've added Korean to Jesus and then Song Young Moon. Why can't you just say you're Jesus? Why do you have to say you're Korean?

• 2:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's an IP issue.

• 2:53Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, I got it. You don't have that Jesus IP.

• 2:57Kurt Metzger?

  Right. I would not, that's an IP I wouldn't violate.

• 3:00Duncan Trussell?

  So what happens if you?

• 3:02Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of penalties for that one, but however, Suno Korean Jesus, as if it was made a Suno version, which is what I would consider.

• 3:09Duncan Trussell?

  There's just too many add-ons here. Why can't you just be Korean Jesus?

• 3:13Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, first of all, there's already is a Korean Jesus.

• 3:18Duncan Trussell?

  That's you.

• 3:18Kurt Metzger?

  I'm just claiming to be in the sacred bloodline. I'm not making crazy claims. I'm just saying, yeah, I'm one of the many sacred, sacred.

• 3:26Duncan Trussell?

  I want.

• 3:27Kurt Metzger?

  Korean Jesus, Byung Young, Kirk family members.

• 3:30Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, just, I would love to meet Jesus and you keep adding stuff.

• 3:35Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know him. I know Korean Jesus.

• 3:36Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 3:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I really don't know them either, if I'm being honest. It came to me in the night, the division, but the bottom line is, I'm sitting here, I'm walking the walk, talking the talk, and guess what?

• 3:48Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 3:49Kurt Metzger?

  My friend, Big Homie CC, hits me up first thing today, okay? He says, Korean Jesus, well, he doesn't know me as that, but he says, I think I found Epstein's. He goes, Epstein's alive. And I was like, yeah, I know, obviously.

• 4:03Duncan Trussell?

  Jeffrey Epstein.

• 4:04Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 4:05Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, I think most people know.

• 4:06Kurt Metzger?

  We all held out hope, but now.

• 4:08Duncan Trussell?

  We know he's alive. We knew he was alive, but how could your friend, I mean?

• 4:14Kurt Metzger?

  Big Homie CC is like some kind of bounty hunter off that show, Spencer for Hire.

• 4:19Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 4:20Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I quit. Also, first black man that I've ever heard of that saw Bigfoot.

• 4:24Duncan Trussell?

  So this is the A. You seen this? I got his number. Visual confirmation. Call that number. When I called, he picked up. I said his name, he hung up. My team got visual confirmation. So, okay.

• 4:35Kurt Metzger?

  That's Big Homie CC.

• 4:36Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, hang on. This is really, potentially, the, one of the most incredible things that's happened.

• 4:45Kurt Metzger?

  I know.

• 4:46Duncan Trussell?

  Since Epstein killed himself.

• 4:49Kurt Metzger?

  It could be.

• 4:50Duncan Trussell?

  And so, first, let's just talk about, number one. We all know that Jeffrey Epstein was like, not murdered, or he didn't suicide.

• 5:04Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, if he's dead, here's, here's my little rhyme. It's not a rhyme, it doesn't rhyme.

• 5:08Duncan Trussell?

  You have a rhyme?

• 5:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's a little saying. If he is dead, then he worked for Israel. And if he's alive, Israel worked for him. And it's the second one. He's the mouth of Sauron of the Rothschild family. And the reason we can say that with some certainty, besides all the emails that bring it up.

• 5:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 5:25Kurt Metzger?

  And the Epstein family has served the Rothschilds for centuries. Besides that.

• 5:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 5:29Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, he also was appointed to the Trilateral Commission at age 30 by Dr. Henry Kissinger and David Rockefeller. You know, the one that owned Anika Lucas, the Satan one?

• 5:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 5:40Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it's the whole family, but that guy.

• 5:42Duncan Trussell?

  He was, he was basically like the, um, Tony Soprano of the Rothschilds.

• 5:47Kurt Metzger?

  No, the mouth of Sauron, okay? The mouth of Sauron's a spoke.

• 5:50Duncan Trussell?

  I'm gonna go Sopranos. I'm not a dork. I'm not doing Lord of the Rings. I'm going, he was the Soprano.

• 5:56Kurt Metzger?

  But then you need an equivalent within that universe of we're gonna switch lords, and I'm not saying we can't. I'm not saying we can't switch lords. Hell, what kind of Korean Jesus would I be if I said we can't switch the lore up? I'd be a hypocri- a hypocrite. But I'm just saying, the Tony Soprano equivalent would be that guy that would come to Tony, between him and New York, and, um, he died of cancer and his head a fat wife.

• 6:18Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, fair enough.

• 6:19Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, uh, you know, he's a go-between, but he's, he's above all government, you know, because you're-

• 6:24Duncan Trussell?

  Eddie Dorado.

• 6:26Kurt Metzger?

  Because you're a representative of that sacred, sacred family, you're above everything.

• 6:30Duncan Trussell?

  Right. And that's why everybody was just kissing his ass.

• 6:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he's in like

• 6:36Duncan Trussell?

  If you wanted something to, if you wanted something from, we'll go back to Lord of the Rings.

• 6:39Kurt Metzger?

  There's plenty of other ones, guys. Look, here's the thing. There's the, the blue, the grape soda and pizza must flow. It must flow.

• 6:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Kurt Metzger?

  We cannot stop the pizza production.

• 6:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 6:51Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, it fuels the galaxy.

• 6:52Duncan Trussell?

  So Epstein, basically, you want to connect with the Rothschilds, you go through Epstein.

• 6:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. So you want to, let's, let's call him up right now.

• 7:13Kurt Metzger?

  See what the fuck is up with this?

• 7:15Duncan Trussell?

  Fuck, we gotta do it right now. We have two minutes. What's he filming?

• 7:19Kurt Metzger?

  Probably a lot, it's in demand, Big Homie CC. First black guy to see Bigfoot, now this?

• 7:25Duncan Trussell?

  That is insane.

• 7:26Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know if they're sure he's the first black man to see Bigfoot.

• 7:27Duncan Trussell?

  How would you know?

• 7:28Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, do I just put on headphones? Do I gotta put on pants to talk to Big Homie?

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available.

• 7:39Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, hey man, it's Kurt, where I'm calling from, Mr. Hee Boys Show with Duncan Trossard.

• 7:44Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, what's up?

• 7:44Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, it's a message.

• 7:46Duncan Trussell?

  Hello?

• 7:47Kurt Metzger?

  You have to say your name and then he, I think it's done.

• 7:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available.

• 8:04Duncan Trussell?

  Korean Jesus.

• 8:05Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's not gonna help.

• 8:08Kurt Metzger?

  It's Kurt.

• 8:12Kurt Metzger?

  He might have texted me. Oh shit.

• 8:16Kurt Metzger?

  Message failed to send. Oh, you guys didn't get it?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Thanks, Korean Jesus. Please stay on the line.

• 8:23Kurt Metzger?

  Nice, it worked. I can't believe it.

• 8:30Kurt Metzger?

  I was afraid, hey.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 8:32Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, big homie CC, this is Kurt and Duncan.

• 8:34Duncan Trussell?

  What's up?

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Hello, how are you?

• 8:37Duncan Trussell?

  Good.

• 8:37Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so, uh, big homie CC sent me this text this morning. Like, dude, I just woke up when you said that. Uh, I was like, what is this, a dream? And, uh, so we happen to be doing mystery boys today. And, uh, you've called this number. Now, it's just a little background on it. Uh, uh, big home, what, what, like, your team has been looking for Epstein?

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Yes, so I did back human trafficking for a living. And, uh, I had got some information that since he was arrested for these same crimes in 2009, it really didn't make sense for them to arrest him again.

• 9:14Kurt Metzger?

  Right.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  And, uh, I used to, I used to work for a company there named Redwater, where we used to fight the cartel in Mexico.

• 9:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  And, uh, one of the surgeons there had mentioned that he was working with the guy Jeff, because I've, I've been tracking this guy for a long time.

• 9:33Kurt Metzger?

  Epstein or a different guy?

• 9:35Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 9:36Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, Epstein or a different guy you've been tracking?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  No, I've been tracking Epstein for a long time.

• 9:40Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 9:41Duncan Trussell?

  You were, you were, you mean after he allegedly killed himself? That's when you started tracking him?

• 9:47Kurt Metzger?

  Or before that?

• 9:47Speaker 04

  No, I think before then.

• 9:49Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, okay.

• 9:50Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, tell Duncan your background so he understands better, because I didn't do a good job.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Well, okay, so I've been a private bodyguard for 17 years. I started off in celebrities and then I pivoted to protecting women and children because of one basketball wife, trust you, word spreads.

• 10:04Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  And, uh, last year I brought home 17 missing women, uh, four kids, three girls, one little boy.

• 10:10Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  So, I was getting certain information about him a long time ago. It's just that, you know, I didn't have the money and resources to really completely pursue him, because, you know, he had Israeli guys protecting him. And, you know, they're, they're pretty ruthless.

• 10:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 10:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, they've got to cover up the fact that Kraf Maga doesn't work, so they'll do anything.

• 10:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it doesn't work, man.

• 10:33Kurt Metzger?

  If that gets out, that's the end.

• 10:34Duncan Trussell?

  I trained in it for 10 years, got my ass kicked by a lady.

• 10:37Kurt Metzger?

  Just stab somebody with something, that's the thing. Anyway, so I think he's alive because there's so many things in the files about him being alive. But he's just one point on a, one node on a network. I mean, have you? I mean, I've seen you talk about this before, but certainly this is connected to stuff with like Diddy and I don't know Playboy, take your pick. What would you say overall is like this, the network?

• 11:01Speaker 04

  So here's the thing, like the cartels, their biggest business is trafficking people and children. And we had got some intel about people being sold and taken to an island.

• 11:14Kurt Metzger?

  Right.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  And this was years ago, this was years ago. So, you know, certain rappers have visited there. But the thing with Epstein is he used to have all of the most brightest minds in the world come to his island, you know? He used to have, uh, science, like, uh,

• 11:33Duncan Trussell?

  Hawking, Stephen Hawking.

• 11:35Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  He was, yeah, yeah, he's somebody I've investigated as well. So what pretty much happened was, um, you know,

• 11:42Duncan Trussell?

  I'm so sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt. You're investigating Stephen Hawking?

• 11:47Kurt Metzger?

  It's about time.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 11:49Duncan Trussell?

  The dude in the wheelchair?

• 11:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 11:52Kurt Metzger?

  Like Duncan's of the mind that clearly Stephen Hawking was, uh,

• 11:55Speaker 04

  He spends a lot of money on, he spends a lot of money on escorts every year.

• 11:59Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit.

• 12:00Kurt Metzger?

  Like, is he, is he control, like, dude, is he not really crippled? Like, I'll see if you wonder could see.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Oh, no, he's definitely crippled.

• 12:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, okay.

• 12:11Duncan Trussell?

  That's the most fu, you know, Epstein's fucked up, but the idea of Stephen Hawking.

• 12:17Kurt Metzger?

  He went to the island a lot.

• 12:18Duncan Trussell?

  Capturing you, buying you, and just having to listen to that voice.

• 12:24Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, he doesn't, he doesn't capture you. He has people that do it, I, I think.

• 12:30Duncan Trussell?

  Well, that's even, I mean, just whatever, you get thrown into a room.

• 12:33Kurt Metzger?

  Look, I feel like Stephen Hawking was victimized.

• 12:35Duncan Trussell?

  Take off your clothes.

• 12:37Kurt Metzger?

  Um, all right.

• 12:38Duncan Trussell?

  Let me see your butthole.

• 12:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my goodness. I did put that in Epstein, uh, my sitcom Epstein, if you might, okay. Wait, so you called this number, so they've been watching this place. Where, where is this residence again? Big homie? Uh, where is this, uh, residence that you, cause you guys have been watching it for a while, you said?

• 12:55Speaker 04

  Uh, it's in Stewart, Florida. It's a single family home.

• 12:58Kurt Metzger?

  And this is not like, you guys don't, cause I saw you talking on, uh, I wanna say maybe Cam Capone or Dialogue, but, you know, people are, oh, he talks to the, he talks to the police. And you're like, well, of course, I'm not just a vigilante. If you're gonna do any kind of stuff like that, you have to have, it's like if you're a repo man, you gotta tell the local law enforcement you're picking up the cars. It's not like that.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I always have to inform law enforcement of my operations and what I'm doing. I have to always operate within the constraints of the law.

• 13:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, so I, I, I would like, I don't know how that would be a point against him. Cause like, this is what the police are supposed to do, by the way.

• 13:32Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 13:33Kurt Metzger?

  So I have no problem.

• 13:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Kurt Metzger?

  There's not like no issue, be like, oh, that's undercover. Good, you do this. Okay, wait, uh, let's see.

• 13:39Duncan Trussell?

  But why, why, wouldn't he have been arrested by now? I mean, you told the police you found Jeffrey Epstein. Don't you think they want him back in custody?

• 13:48Speaker 04

  I haven't, I haven't, you, you can't tell law enforcement that type of stuff.

• 13:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  What's up, brother? Because most law enforcement agencies are compromised and that would put me in grave danger.

• 14:00Duncan Trussell?

  Right, right.

• 14:01Kurt Metzger?

  He's gotta be in legal compliance and then misery boy scoop of the century from, uh,

• 14:06Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, this is the scoop of the century.

• 14:07Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and you've already called him on that number, cause we wanna call it, but, but, and, did you hear a guy answer?

• 14:16Speaker 04

  I called the phone. A guy answered. I said, hey, Jeff. He said, huh? Who is this? Hung up the phone.

• 14:22Duncan Trussell?

  Ha, ha, ha, fuck.

• 14:23Kurt Metzger?

  So if we call it, we, can we just say, hey, Jeff, we gotta do better than that, right? Cause I mean, or is he not answering the phone right now?

• 14:30Speaker 04

  If you call that number, it's gonna ring and I sent the information that as of February 20th, that phone number is active, registered to him and that's his number.

• 14:43Kurt Metzger?

  It's registered to Epstein?

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Yes, uh, Kurt got the screenshot.

• 14:47Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wait a minute. Hold on, hold on.

• 14:50Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, does he, does he, since you guys have been staking this out, does he have any pets?

• 14:58Speaker 04

  We seen a lady walking a dog.

• 15:00Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, that's the way in. We say, we say that we found the dog. We could say we found the dog. That'll keep him on the phone.

• 15:08Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait, let's, let's see here.

• 15:09Duncan Trussell?

  What kind of dog?

• 15:11Kurt Metzger?

  This is the address.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  Looks like a little Maltese or something like that.

• 15:14Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, a Maltese.

• 15:16Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, here we go, chat. Okay.

• 15:18Duncan Trussell?

  Let's call it.

• 15:20Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, chat, I forgot to send you guys this one, so we need to put this on the screen. I hope it goes through, though. Um, I might have to go on the.

• 15:29Duncan Trussell?

  Are you guys gonna call, you calling it? Are you guys gonna call it?

• 15:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 15:33Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, you guys call it.

• 15:34Kurt Metzger?

  But wait, wait, wait, let's just.

• 15:36Duncan Trussell?

  We'll say we were.

• 15:36Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna throw this up that we have age seventy-five to seventy-six. Jeff Epstein, Montclair, Pennsylvania. I mean, that's wild, dude. It's a important context. This info comes from public records, aggregating sites, true people search.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  Yes, I'll never, I'll never lie, invent, or embellish. This is something I do for a living.

• 15:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, right.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  That's his number.

• 15:58Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Uh, we believe we have visual contact. And, you know, I teach classes on military bases every year. Like, I'm going to Germany next week. I teach certain classes. So, you know, I'm gonna speak to some guys there. I wouldn't tell, like, local law enforcement.

• 16:14Kurt Metzger?

  Well, be careful out there, man.

• 16:15Duncan Trussell?

  Be careful. Thanks for the scoop.

• 16:17Kurt Metzger?

  The military's involved in it. No, it's not good. Oh, my God, that Romania thing with Erica Kirk is not good. By the way, my idea for Erica Kirk instead of suing Druski, bitch, get your own.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  Yo, Kurt, I'm getting ready to film right now on another show.

• 16:31Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna call him.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Later, okay, bro?

• 16:33Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks, stay safe.

• 16:34Kurt Metzger?

  Big Homie C C, thanks, yeah. Check out his website and, uh, yeah.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Of course, brother.

• 16:38Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Big Homie C C, friend of the show. Uh, okay.

• 16:41Duncan Trussell?

  All right, that's insane.

• 16:43Kurt Metzger?

  What if we ask for Palm Beach Pete?

• 16:46Duncan Trussell?

  I don't, I, I think the move is, hey, I found this Maltese. And that, and isn't this your dog?

• 16:53Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I, you might have to do it because I don't know how to go with that. That sounds very believable.

• 16:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that way we'll keep him on the line. Okay, let's do it.

• 17:01Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, we're calling Jeffrey Epstein now.

• 17:05Kurt Metzger?

  Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be.

• 17:08Speaker 05

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• 17:34Kurt Metzger?

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• 18:03Duncan Trussell?

  Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up. Come on. Come on.

• 18:17Duncan Trussell?

  We're gonna have to call him back immediately.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Please leave your message for...

• 18:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, call him back one more time, because it's that double call where you answer.

• 18:37Duncan Trussell?

  No answer. Well, well, well, what do you know? Well, well, well.

• 18:43Kurt Metzger?

  Because if he could have called before and said Jeff and the guy hung up, you know, but it is registered to which Jeff...

• 18:48Speaker 03

  Please leave your message...

• 18:50Kurt Metzger?

  All right, well, look, uh, well, hopefully we'll try to get in touch with... Hopefully we'll get in touch with Jeff.

• 18:59Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit. So, you know, we gotta block the address from that if we put that on the show.

• 19:04Kurt Metzger?

  We can't dox Jeffrey Epstein?

• 19:06Duncan Trussell?

  Nah.

• 19:10Duncan Trussell?

  Look, man.

• 19:10Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait, wait, wait. Well, hold on. Are we, yeah, cuz we're not allowed to say that it's Jeff Epstein's address?

• 19:15Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 19:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, man. Uh, anyway, cuz I wanna do, I told you, I wanna go to haunted locations with Big Homie CC and a number of-

• 19:24Duncan Trussell?

  I would love to. That guy sounds great.

• 19:26Kurt Metzger?

  Assemble a team and, um, and then, and it's called Ghost Roasters and we make fun of the ghosts.

• 19:31Duncan Trussell?

  I love that idea.

• 19:32Kurt Metzger?

  We go to call in the spirit and we mock the shit out of them.

• 19:35Duncan Trussell?

  I think that's a great idea and that nothing could ever go wrong with that.

• 19:38Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we gotta take precautions. Uh, pure ferrite jewelry of some kind.

• 19:42Duncan Trussell?

  Ferrite?

• 19:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, iron.

• 19:44Duncan Trussell?

  What, iron fins off ghosts?

• 19:47Kurt Metzger?

  Above ground, yes.

• 19:48Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean? What do you mean, like, subterranean ghosts? It doesn't work?

• 19:53Kurt Metzger?

  When you're underground in a cave, the ferrite ain't gonna do shit.

• 19:56Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 19:57Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know, some with magnets, but, uh, but as far as above ground, yes. Uh, it's very hard to get pure iron. You want pure iron. You know, you're putting a hush show over the doorway blocks ghosts?

• 20:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 20:08Kurt Metzger?

  That's what they, because, uh, iron, the fey don't enjoy iron. And that's why when, um, people get grabbed up by aliens or you hear those encounters, they've always got, uh, their blood is iron deficient. The reason the Aztecs would sacrifice mostly women, they mostly sacrifice women in those horrible things because they're on their period. They're low on iron. The lack of iron makes it easier for things to-

• 20:30Duncan Trussell?

  That's the thing.

• 20:31Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm. The iron is, is pushing, so that's, uh, you gotta have some pure ferrite.

• 20:36Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit.

• 20:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yeah, I've been doing my Duke career-

• 20:39Duncan Trussell?

  I could see. You've been doing a lot of research.

• 20:41Kurt Metzger?

  My, I just realized you're wearing all white.

• 20:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Kurt Metzger?

  That's really great.

• 20:46Duncan Trussell?

  It is great. Yeah, it's great. I met these cool people, man.

• 20:50Kurt Metzger?

  It's pretty cool that we just, the first day back, we found Jeffrey Epstein's hat. I mean, uh, mystery boys, well, Big Homie CC solved it with like a full team.

• 20:58Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, look, if anybody's gonna find him, it's that guy. It's the, it's CC.

• 21:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, people go, oh, Big Homie CC is, uh, glowy. You know, like a fed.

• 21:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 21:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So you tell him he's a fed and then he is working on recovering, missing- Good, I wish they did that.

• 21:18Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta say this, this is the funniest new insult that gets thrown around, which is you you accuse someone of being compromised or being a glowy.

• 21:26Kurt Metzger?

  No, I know.

• 21:27Duncan Trussell?

  And now you've got people, people, just everyone's calling everybody else compromised.

• 21:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, you live in America, asshole, so I don't know where you thought you were in the integ- where you think you're in integrity land?

• 21:37Duncan Trussell?

  What? No, it's not that.

• 21:38Kurt Metzger?

  You're all, yo, you're all compromised.

• 21:40Duncan Trussell?

  It's like, yeah, everyone.

• 21:42Kurt Metzger?

  You're all compromised, you're all cannibals.

• 21:44Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking cannibalistic. Compromised glowy bullshit.

• 21:49Kurt Metzger?

  Well, compromise is the name of the game, so.

• 21:51Duncan Trussell?

  And also, can I just say this, I have a lot of friends who work in the CIA. And they're good people.

• 21:57Kurt Metzger?

  A lot?

• 21:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, so that it doesn't matter, you can't say their names.

• 22:02Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 22:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, so it's just this trashing of our nation's CIA officers is ridiculous, I mean.

• 22:09Kurt Metzger?

  I assume this one will be.

• 22:10Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not compromised, but if I was, I mean, would that even be bad?

• 22:13Kurt Metzger?

  Uh.

• 22:16Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, everything's built on compromise, right?

• 22:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, there you go. Since when was comp- thank you. In an, in an, in an argument, you compromise.

• 22:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's what I would have liked to say to Mr. Epstein if we could have got him on the line.

• 22:27Duncan Trussell?

  Ask him if he's compromised.

• 22:32Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, Jeffrey Epstein, are you compromised?

• 22:36Kurt Metzger?

  Jeff, they're on to it, you gotta go.

• 22:38Duncan Trussell?

  You know, people are saying you're compromised, man.

• 22:40Kurt Metzger?

  I keep calling him the James Bond of Israel, because he like shows up and tells you Israel, "Hey, this is my real name, I'm gonna fuck everything." You know?

• 22:47Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, that guy loved to fuck.

• 22:50Kurt Metzger?

  The one thing about, about who, James Bond or?

• 22:53Duncan Trussell?

  Both.

• 22:54Kurt Metzger?

  Jeffrey Bondstein.

• 22:56Duncan Trussell?

  Wasn't James Bond somehow connected to Crowley? Can you guys look that up?

• 23:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, to John D, 007.

• 23:02Duncan Trussell?

  007 was John D.

• 23:03Kurt Metzger?

  And then MI5 and 6, you know, Al Surt Crowley was a MI5, I, I forget which.

• 23:08Duncan Trussell?

  Can you, can you pull up the, the, the James Bond Thelomite connection? Cause it's so fucking weird.

• 23:18Duncan Trussell?

  This is how Aleister Crowley greatly impacted James Bond. Isn't that crazy?

• 23:25Kurt Metzger?

  No, because John D's thing was 007, right? That was his code?

• 23:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 23:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, intelligence agencies are covens. That's the dark arts is intelligence. That's what they're part, they're all connected. It's the same skill and that's like-

• 23:39Duncan Trussell?

  Can I just for one second, I do agree with you, but let me just speak up for the CIA. Not enough people are defending him.

• 23:45Kurt Metzger?

  Someone should.

• 23:46Duncan Trussell?

  Um, they're not a coven, but other, most other intelligence-

• 23:50Kurt Metzger?

  It's a, a coven means a covenant.

• 23:52Duncan Trussell?

  Right, well, okay, from that-

• 23:53Kurt Metzger?

  To be the big secret.

• 23:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yes and I-

• 23:55Kurt Metzger?

  We should do some things and not tell anyone.

• 23:57Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 23:57Kurt Metzger?

  And we have a covenant with a higher power that we're gonna do that. No, it's a coven. It's called a coven. That's what, I mean, I, it's on a value judgment on it.

• 24:05Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks, I appreciate that.

• 24:07Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't assign a value to it. Look, who's to say?

• 24:10Duncan Trussell?

  And I, a lot of my friends in the CIA love you.

• 24:13Kurt Metzger?

  Eat children.

• 24:14Duncan Trussell?

  A lot of my friends in the CIA think you're fucking great.

• 24:16Kurt Metzger?

  Um, who said that?

• 24:19Duncan Trussell?

  Just my friends.

• 24:20Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 24:22Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I think you're funny.

• 24:23Kurt Metzger?

  What about your Mossad friends? Do they like me?

• 24:25Duncan Trussell?

  They like you.

• 24:25Kurt Metzger?

  Really? But do your Mossad friends like me?

• 24:29Duncan Trussell?

  They think you're cool.

• 24:30Kurt Metzger?

  They said that?

• 24:31Duncan Trussell?

  A lot of people in intelligence love you, man. Just my friends.

• 24:34Kurt Metzger?

  What about in the tech sector?

• 24:36Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 24:36Kurt Metzger?

  What about in the-

• 24:37Duncan Trussell?

  Some people in the tech, some transhumanists are into you.

• 24:39Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 24:40Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, speaking of these fucking secrets, can we pull up what Tim Burchett just said about UAPs? Cause this, I kinda wanna vent and I wanna know your thoughts on it, but I'm really like-

• 24:49Kurt Metzger?

  I thought you meant WAP, wet ass pussy.

• 24:52Duncan Trussell?

  No, no, no, no, not that. Not that. You know I know that. Pull up, pull up Tim Burchett. He just said this shit-

• 25:00Kurt Metzger?

  Unmanned ass pussy.

• 25:03Duncan Trussell?

  Unmanned aerial pussy.

• 25:04Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 25:06Duncan Trussell?

  That's how you get world peace. Basically, Tim Burchett, I guess Gates, Matt Gates, just came out and said that he has eviden, he was shown evidence that they're alien human hybrids. Uh, that, I don't know, we've been making, getting aliens to fuck humans and making little alien human babies and raising them.

• 25:24Kurt Metzger?

  They've been saying, that wait, they're saying this now? In, in a hearing?

• 25:27Duncan Trussell?

  Matt, Matt Gates said this is revealed to him and then Tim Burchett, seemingly in response to what Matt Gates said, said, if I said out loud what I've been told- It would like, it would set the world on fire. And I just want to say this.

• 25:44Kurt Metzger?

  Why would it set the world on fire?

• 25:45Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly. I'm so fucking sick of the UAP edging. It's like, number one.

• 25:51Kurt Metzger?

  You would come so hard if I told you what I heard, Don Gainer.

• 25:55Duncan Trussell?

  I would, and I'm ready. We've been getting edged out by these fuckers, and I'm tired of them saying, "Yo, I just can't say it," because people would go crazy. That's what.

• 26:05Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, J.J. Abrams, the never-ending unboxing is getting tired.

• 26:09Duncan Trussell?

  Is that what it's called? The never-ending unboxing?

• 26:11Kurt Metzger?

  No, he calls it mystery box storytelling. But, um,

• 26:14Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 26:14Kurt Metzger?

  Ron Hubbard called it feeding you a mystery sandwich. This is what the mystery boys are here to do. Feed you, not answer questions. We fucked up with that Epstein thing.

• 26:22Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 26:23Kurt Metzger?

  We're not supposed to get to the bottom of anything.

• 26:25Duncan Trussell?

  What, we didn't? He didn't pick up the fucking phone?

• 26:27Kurt Metzger?

  It's not that we solve mysteries. We, we cause them, or-

• 26:32Duncan Trussell?

  We cause mysteries.

• 26:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, or mystery school. It, it, mystery school is like it never ends, and you keep hanging us. I mean, I, not to get too, not to be too inside baseball.

• 26:42Duncan Trussell?

  That, speaking of mystery schools, this all white, it's, I met some of the coolest people-

• 26:49Kurt Metzger?

  Who?

• 26:49Duncan Trussell?

  At Barton Springs.

• 26:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 26:51Duncan Trussell?

  They were, one of them had a didgeridoo, one of them was drumming. That's all I can say.

• 26:56Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, well.

• 26:59Duncan Trussell?

  But they told me stuff.

• 27:01Kurt Metzger?

  You'd be up at night if the things that I've seen are released. Okay, everybody, all the things have been released.

• 27:06Duncan Trussell?

  We're so sick of this. Number one, I am up at night. I'm addicted to video games, and I, I stay up at night, Bridgette. So don't worry about my fucking sleep schedule.

• 27:15Kurt Metzger?

  Also, Bridgette, you fucking boomer, um, we've all heard about this.

• 27:18Duncan Trussell?

  And, but also, it's so condescending. Bridgette is saying, "I would rather America stay on a good sleep schedule than for the world to know the greatest revelation in all of recorded history."

• 27:32Kurt Metzger?

  You know, now's the time, Bridgette, well with World War III kicking off.

• 27:35Duncan Trussell?

  Spit it out. Like, you know what I mean? Like, just fucking say it. What are they gonna do to you? They're not gonna do anything. Why won't you just fucking say it?

• 27:43Kurt Metzger?

  They will do, because it's part of the bullshit.

• 27:46Duncan Trussell?

  Look, there are tens of millions of dollars we've spent investigating these things. We've had departments tell us that they have recovery units, but they won't release full reports. Everything's covered up, the Tennessee Republican.

• 27:57Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, is it like the thing where everybody's a cannibal and that they were gonna pretend isn't? Who gives a shit about this now that I know they eat babies? Let's put it that way.

• 28:06Duncan Trussell?

  Gives a shit about what?

• 28:07Kurt Metzger?

  Any of us, once you hear that, not only are they PDF files, but they eat? They don't just do unspeakable, whatever, your worst nightmare, they eat them, okay?

• 28:18Duncan Trussell?

  Alex Jones told me they don't eat them, they inject them. It's even, Alex Jones-

• 28:21Kurt Metzger?

  No, they eat, the queen ate them. The queen ate them.

• 28:23Duncan Trussell?

  Here's what Alex Jones told me.

• 28:24Kurt Metzger?

  You gotta eat them shallow, she used to say.

• 28:26Duncan Trussell?

  Alex Jones told me that, you know, stem cells, we all know those are good. You inject them into your, into your fucking knee and it heals your knee, whatever. But even better than the stem cells of strangers, or the stem cells from the aborted fetal tissue that you inseminated, those are prime stem cells. And that that's what they're doing. They're not so much eating them, I wouldn't doubt that they were. They're shooting up with, with the aborted fetuses of their children. They, it's their, it's not just like they're eating, it's always bad to eat a baby. I, I need, I fucking need to say it.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colors or flavors. Great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.

• 29:37Duncan Trussell?

  You should never eat a baby, but even, definitely if we're gonna create a hierarchy-

• 29:42Kurt Metzger?

  I'm talking to you Koreans as your Jesus.

• 29:44Duncan Trussell?

  If we create a hierarchy of baby cannibalism. At the top is eating your own baby, right? Like it's it's always bad to eat babies.

• 29:54Kurt Metzger?

  It's like eating the placenta, though. It's rich in and that's the you got a lot of Saturn mythology.

• 29:59Duncan Trussell?

  You can eat a placenta and you could just be a hippie. I'm saying.

• 30:03Kurt Metzger?

  But it's the same principle. It's cannibalizing your own children, really cannibalizing your kids to extend your your future to extend your present.

• 30:11Duncan Trussell?

  Didn't Zeus eat his own baby?

• 30:13Kurt Metzger?

  No, Zeus was eaten by his father, uh, or he his daddy to stone instead of him. It's all gay. Anyway, the whole thing is Saturn or time is eating you and Saturn eats all his kids because he's afraid of them and then Zeus.

• 30:28Duncan Trussell?

  Saturn eats his kids.

• 30:29Kurt Metzger?

  Right. And then Zeus escapes and cuts his balls off with the help of his with the help of mother. It's all these people is very healthy, this kind of gods and they, uh, what do you call it? All the but the bottom line is there's there's another race of of, uh, we'll call them shapeshifters. Which is what this guy, yo, oh dude, put on a scanner, darkly channel, Michael.

• 30:51Duncan Trussell?

  Cronos. Cronos.

• 30:53Kurt Metzger?

  Cronus, yeah, not same as Cronos with an O, but Cronus and Saturn.

• 30:57Duncan Trussell?

  Cronus.

• 30:58Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Cronos is not the same thing. Cronus is uh Zeus's father that eats.

• 31:02Duncan Trussell?

  Cronus eats his babies.

• 31:04Kurt Metzger?

  They all fucking eat their kids, dude. They're fucking lizards. What do you I mean, what do you want? It's lizards. Seraphim angels in the Bible are are flaming serpents.

• 31:12Duncan Trussell?

  Do lizards eat their kids?

• 31:13Kurt Metzger?

  Dragons. They're dragon people.

• 31:14Duncan Trussell?

  Do lizards eat their lizards don't eat their kids.

• 31:17Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, dinosaurs, then, if it if it makes you feel better.

• 31:20Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, I don't even think dinosaurs ate their own children.

• 31:22Kurt Metzger?

  How do you know?

• 31:23Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know. I just don't want to believe that. My kids love dinosaurs. No, lizards do not eat human children. Do lizards eat?

• 31:30Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, great research, guys. Great job with that.

• 31:33Duncan Trussell?

  And oh, by the way, I bet fucking lizards would eat human children if they could.

• 31:38Kurt Metzger?

  There you go.

• 31:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, some lizard species, including skinks, geckos and monitor lizards, have been observed eating their own offspring. All right, there we go.

• 31:46Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so it was it's just people are dragging.

• 31:48Duncan Trussell?

  A behavior off the trigger by hunger, stress, or overcrowding is a god, hard day of work.

• 31:54Kurt Metzger?

  That's why Ellen.

• 31:54Duncan Trussell?

  Where's the baby?

• 31:56Kurt Metzger?

  That's why Ellen DeGeneres would do it. She'd be crabby.

• 31:58Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I'm so stressed out. Honey, just eat a baby. You always feel better when you eat a baby.

• 32:03Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I mean, you laugh.

• 32:06Duncan Trussell?

  What if it really does relax you?

• 32:09Kurt Metzger?

  I feel like I wouldn't feel relaxed after, but

• 32:11Duncan Trussell?

  That just ate a baby.

• 32:13Kurt Metzger?

  But you understand you got, according to Queen Elizabeth, you gotta eat them shallow.

• 32:16Duncan Trussell?

  What does that mean?

• 32:17Kurt Metzger?

  Well, so babies, when they're born, they're not, their immune system and everything is developed and the meat could be toxic. So they're eating the out part, outside part. Um, yeah, it's real bad.

• 32:27Duncan Trussell?

  Shallow?

• 32:29Kurt Metzger?

  So show, show like a Cockney, like Fred Armisen.

• 32:31Duncan Trussell?

  Eat them shallow.

• 32:32Kurt Metzger?

  You gotta eat them shallow. That's the Queen of England. That lizard bitch and her fucking puffy fingered son, what a couple of. England, why are you, and I'm just saying this is Korean Jesus, so you know, you could go ahead and take it as Korean.

• 32:44Duncan Trussell?

  You don't have to keep saying you're Korean Jesus, we know it. And that shows insecurity. You don't really believe you're Korean Jesus.

• 32:50Kurt Metzger?

  Junior, junior, I'm not the main one, so you see.

• 32:52Duncan Trussell?

  That's what I'm saying, there's too much math here, just.

• 32:55Kurt Metzger?

  I'm, I'm lucky my Korean father didn't eat me.

• 32:57Duncan Trussell?

  Junior, junior.

• 32:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look at those goddamn fingers.

• 33:00Duncan Trussell?

  Whose fingers?

• 33:02Kurt Metzger?

  King Charles. Yo, can we get someone to cut?

• 33:06Duncan Trussell?

  That's what happens when you don't eat your baby shallow.

• 33:08Kurt Metzger?

  We gotta cut his ring off.

• 33:10Duncan Trussell?

  He ate a baby deep. Puffed up. You've been eating deep babies. Why, well, look at his fucking hands. That, that is crazy.

• 33:21Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, mother taught him.

• 33:23Duncan Trussell?

  Overinflated. Like, what? Are you sure? Who is that? Is that real?

• 33:33Kurt Metzger?

  It's King Charles.

• 33:36Duncan Trussell?

  Is there a way to zoom out?

• 33:38Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know, it's him, he's well known to have these fucking.

• 33:40Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know he had balloon hands.

• 33:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he's, I mean, come on, dude.

• 33:44Duncan Trussell?

  Wow. How does that happen? Oh my God. That is so fucked up.

• 33:57Duncan Trussell?

  I never knew this. I love doing this show with you, dude, cuz I just, that is so scary. That's like he's wearing an inflatable human suit and they overinflated their hands.

• 34:09Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm. That's exactly, my thoughts exactly.

• 34:13Duncan Trussell?

  Can we find out what?

• 34:14Kurt Metzger?

  Just fluid filled sacks for fingers.

• 34:17Duncan Trussell?

  Could he, if you stuck a needle in it, would it just be like?

• 34:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 34:21Duncan Trussell?

  What would come out?

• 34:23Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, blue, copper, rich blood.

• 34:27Kurt Metzger?

  The blue bloods, that's the lizard bloods, and that's why they inbred. I mean, I'm saying lizard to be derogatory. They would call it the serpent race.

• 34:35Duncan Trussell?

  Can he bend his hands?

• 34:37Kurt Metzger?

  No, he's from the serpent race. You know the serpent race?

• 34:41Duncan Trussell?

  Now that's what I'm talking about. Now it gets sexy. Let's zoom in on those feet. Hello, hello.

• 34:49Duncan Trussell?

  Somebody needs a foot rub, and it's my king.

• 34:53Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, make that squeaky balloon noise.

• 34:54Duncan Trussell?

  Look at those sexy feet.

• 34:56Kurt Metzger?

  You know how balloons like squeak squeak squeak?

• 34:57Duncan Trussell?

  Wouldn't you love to tickle those dogs?

• 35:01Duncan Trussell?

  Tickle a king's feet. You'll live a hundred years if you tickle a king's feet.

• 35:05Kurt Metzger?

  That sounds like a goddamn, uh, uh, some kind of wacky game show. You gotta eat a baby with balloon hands? Try to get a grip with those smooth balloon hands? It sounds like a, actually, it sounds like a traditional British holiday, if I'm being quite honest.

• 35:18Duncan Trussell?

  That is the worst.

• 35:19Kurt Metzger?

  Eat a baby with your balloon hands on Halloween night?

• 35:21Duncan Trussell?

  That's the worst. God, man.

• 35:24Kurt Metzger?

  He's German, he's not even English.

• 35:25Duncan Trussell?

  That is the worst.

• 35:26Kurt Metzger?

  He looks like a wooden puppet.

• 35:28Duncan Trussell?

  It's weird his head doesn't. I think it's funny these weirdos like to wear their medals around. Isn't that such a?

• 35:35Kurt Metzger?

  I have a question. What are those medals for? Do we have any idea what the medal is?

• 35:40Duncan Trussell?

  No, I mean, I'm sure they're.

• 35:42Kurt Metzger?

  Well, this is for ballooniest fingers in the shrub on Sheffelford. Balloon off.

• 35:49Duncan Trussell?

  This is for sharing my favorite baby recipe.

• 35:53Kurt Metzger?

  Whoa, this is all for blood pudding?

• 35:56Duncan Trussell?

  This is the reason I'm a symbol of medals.

• 35:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, terribly sorry.

• 36:00Duncan Trussell?

  It is a silly. Look at these jangling fucks.

• 36:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, nice. Nice work. Let's see.

• 36:05Duncan Trussell?

  Look at my medals!

• 36:07Kurt Metzger?

  I bombed a bit of, let's see.

• 36:10Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, four star rank in the army.

• 36:12Kurt Metzger?

  This is service in Argentina or some hilarious shit.

• 36:14Duncan Trussell?

  Coronation medal, Queen's silver, uh, mommy's giving him so many medals.

• 36:19Kurt Metzger?

  The Queen's Service Order.

• 36:20Duncan Trussell?

  Mommy's medals. That's so great. If only your mother could give you medals.

• 36:25Kurt Metzger?

  The Most Noble Order of the Garter. Are you familiar with that?

• 36:28Duncan Trussell?

  Can we please look up Most Noble Order of the Garter?

• 36:32Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:32Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 36:36Duncan Trussell?

  This is, this, you just gotta remind yourself, this is real. People, people do this.

• 36:43Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, it's the most, it's chivalry.

• 36:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, it's, it's chivalry. It's an exclusive group, limited to sovereign, the prince of Wales, and 24 companions.

• 36:52Kurt Metzger?

  Inspired by Arthurian legends. Now, wait a minute, where is, um, but why is it called a garter?

• 37:01Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's shame on him that thinks evil of it is their motto. Shame on him that thinks evil of.

• 37:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, don't, yeah, don't, our club is not evil. Shame be the person who thinks evil of it. Nothing weird about the order.

• 37:15Kurt Metzger?

  Evil be to him who thinks of evil. What?

• 37:18Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God. Let's see, the, under the founders, the order of the garter states, the order was first instituted in 3044. Uh, each member is knighted.

• 37:29Duncan Trussell?

  Um, it's so funny, you could just invent orders.

• 37:32Kurt Metzger?

  But wait, can you just find what the fuck it, their motto? Like, why do they even, does this exist? I, I get the history, but keep going down and see if there's a thing of like what.

• 37:40Duncan Trussell?

  You might have to ask AI.

• 37:41Kurt Metzger?

  Origins, let's see.

• 37:43Duncan Trussell?

  Let's see. Here it is. Okay. When, when the surrounding courtiers sniggered, the king picked it up. Wait. Various legends account for the origin of the order. The most popular involves the countess of Salisbury, Salisbury Snake. Whose garter is said to have slipped from her leg and smelled like an old Salisbury steak. Did you ever have those microwave Salisbury steaks?

• 38:06Kurt Metzger?

  We, we, yes.

• 38:07Duncan Trussell?

  While she was dancing. Alright, so her garter fell off. People laughed, the king picked it up.

• 38:13Kurt Metzger?

  So the king returned somebody's fucking.

• 38:15Duncan Trussell?

  And, and said to her, shame on, on him who thinks ill of your garter.

• 38:20Kurt Metzger?

  So why would you have a medal on your, okay, why is it a?

• 38:24Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, what?

• 38:25Kurt Metzger?

  So what is it, like a feminist group?

• 38:28Duncan Trussell?

  Basically.

• 38:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 38:30Duncan Trussell?

  Here, wait. In Ross Rastell's Chronicle, under the life of Edward III is the following curious passage. About the nineteen year of this king, he made a solemn feast at Widdesaw in a great justice tournament where he devasted and perfeis secondly. The order of the Knights of the Garter, how it be confirmed that the order began first by King Richard, killed a lion at the siege of the city of Edgerton.

• 38:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, sugar, Wayne?

• 39:00Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? And afterward, they were called the Knights of the Blue Thong.

• 39:05Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what?

• 39:07Duncan Trussell?

  Spelled B L E W. The Knights of the Blue Thong.

• 39:11Kurt Metzger?

  Bleee.

• 39:12Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, the W and Knight of the Blue Thong, or the Pink Thong?

• 39:17Kurt Metzger?

  The Knight of the, the Knight of the Blue Thong. So what a bizarre order to be a part of.

• 39:21Duncan Trussell?

  The Order of the Garter, it, it just mean, it's meaning, it's just, whatever it is, you're never gonna know. That's the bottom line. You're never gonna know. It's just, it's just some metalist psycho wears around with puffy hands. And we have to take it seriously. It's just some dude with puffed up hands.

• 39:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's it. Uh, uh, look, if you eat rich food like babies, you're gonna get gout, and it's called a piss.

• 39:48Duncan Trussell?

  Is that what it is?

• 39:49Kurt Metzger?

  He's got a bad case of piss ankles in his fingers.

• 39:52Duncan Trussell?

  Can you, we ask AI if eating babies makes your hands puff up?

• 39:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:59Duncan Trussell?

  No, there's no biological or medical basis to eating human flesh. Hand swelling is usually linked to fluid retention, allergic reactions, inflammation, and fucking kids.

• 40:11Kurt Metzger?

  I don't trust Chat G, G P, uh, Chat G P.

• 40:14Duncan Trussell?

  If you are asking because of a myth, a joke, or something you heard somewhere, feel free to tell me. I can help track down where it came from.

• 40:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, can you believe, I'm still burned up about Tim Burge right now. I'm gonna be honest, okay?

• 40:24Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 40:25Kurt Metzger?

  You know who's rustling my jimmies right now? It's not this, it's not King Charles' baby eating. And good on him, Fried babies.

• 40:31Duncan Trussell?

  Don't throw me under the AI bus. I don't like that it knows me. Not, not on my Chat G P D. I don't like that.

• 40:40Duncan Trussell?

  And how dare it say intentionally shocking nonsense?

• 40:45Duncan Trussell?

  You tell, tell the AI, tell the AI that I, I have never said, I've never participated in nonsense ever.

• 40:56Kurt Metzger?

  Fucking nerve talking to Korean Jesus like that dude. You know Grok huffed at me?

• 41:01Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 41:02Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, when I was doing the Adrenacron episode of Dirt with Kirk and um, you know, Iroquois martial cannibalism is related to it. You get hyped up from drinking the blood of your FO and also you can get a quantum entangled to a loved one. If you're the right blood type by drinking their blood when they die, you could.

• 41:20Duncan Trussell?

  Can they communicate with them in the, in the other?

• 41:22Kurt Metzger?

  Crazy shit. As long as you're the right bloodline, you know, you can't be a mudblood as they call it.

• 41:27Duncan Trussell?

  Wait a minute. So if I, if you're the wrong, so if I, okay, for example.

• 41:31Kurt Metzger?

  I don't never get no.

• 41:32Duncan Trussell?

  I think we should drink each other's blood.

• 41:34Kurt Metzger?

  You don't want mine.

• 41:35Duncan Trussell?

  Because that way if I, if I die, you could keep doing the podcast.

• 41:40Kurt Metzger?

  I've heard of shit of people who are orderlies and when patients are dying, they will drink their blood because they were already dying. Because there's some, they believe in some, I swear to God, that's a real cult thing. I found it. And I've told you about Ormus. The scariest shit I ever heard of. O R M U S. If you go online, you can see people selling Ormus. It's not the real.

• 42:00Duncan Trussell?

  Suck. I use, this is, I already am getting ready to feel sick. This is a fucking red pill.

• 42:04Kurt Metzger?

  Know that you're native people. So no, or no, dude, this is a crazy pill. I'm giving out crazy pills.

• 42:09Duncan Trussell?

  I don't want to know this. This is gonna make me.

• 42:11Kurt Metzger?

  And by the way, you also trust me.

• 42:12Duncan Trussell?

  I trust you.

• 42:13Kurt Metzger?

  Go to your local library, jerk off and then go home and Google it. Okay, wait. So.

• 42:20Kurt Metzger?

  Get your head right. Get in a good headspace. Jerk off with some bros down at the library, then go home where you can do research. Get a clear head.

• 42:30Kurt Metzger?

  It's a motto that I've, you know, that's my motto for a long time now. Remember they tell you go to your local library and stay there in the corner in the doorway forever?

• 42:41Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh.

• 42:42Duncan Trussell?

  Did you ever jerk off in a library?

• 42:44Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 42:45Duncan Trussell?

  No, wait, I will say this. In one of the Frozens, I was watching it and she's doing an actual ritual. Like in, in one of the things, like she's doing like a real.

• 42:53Kurt Metzger?

  I know. You know about Disney by now, right? Don't let your kids near it. Never mind anything woke, even though who likes that? I, I don't know, but Disney was always a very bad, bad thing. Always. You know, I used to think the Bible was a bunch of fairy tales. But what I've since learned is that fairy tales are a bunch of Bible. That's these people's Bible. These fucking fucks that run the world and eat your kids, that's their Bible. Yeah, listen to that nonsense you're saying. What? Wish upon a star? Lucifer?

• 43:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, some of us more than others.

• 43:31Kurt Metzger?

  Upon a whore.

• 43:34Kurt Metzger?

  His real name's Artur Beak.

• 43:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, his dream was to eat your kids.

• 43:43Kurt Metzger?

  CIA underneath Disneyland.

• 43:47Duncan Trussell?

  Choose the piney old gland. You're not crazy. Mix it with gold in a blendy and you'll be free.

• 44:01Kurt Metzger?

  You'll be a more psychic and you'll live longer. And you know where you get it Duncan? Do you know where you get that shit? Generational funeral homeowners, you know, the groups that are like up to some shit that are, are like uh custodians of these bloodlines.

• 44:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 44:17Kurt Metzger?

  King Charles being part of one of those bloodlines. But all the DNA tests, all that shit is, has a very important purpose, especially if they're fucking Mormons. Okay. You know how they own 23andMe information?

• 44:29Duncan Trussell?

  The Mormons?

• 44:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 44:31Duncan Trussell?

  I thought they sold it. I thought 23andMe shut down and they just sold it.

• 44:35Kurt Metzger?

  Well, yeah, they did, but also they, there's a reason they want it. Remember the finders cult?

• 44:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 44:41Kurt Metzger?

  What are they finding?

• 44:42Duncan Trussell?

  What are they finding?

• 44:43Kurt Metzger?

  The same thing. The Tibetan monks are finding when they get a new Dalai Lama, they're tracing your genes to see if you're a vessel. Get it?

• 44:51Duncan Trussell?

  A vessel?

• 44:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. A dissociative vessel, like Hitler, the perfect dissociative vessel.

• 44:56Duncan Trussell?

  Hitler was?

• 44:57Kurt Metzger?

  I believe so.

• 44:58Duncan Trussell?

  You think Hitler was possessed?

• 45:00Kurt Metzger?

  Carl Jung said it, but he said it like it's a metaphor, but I think he knew it wasn't a metaphor.

• 45:05Duncan Trussell?

  What about Trump? You think he's possessed? Is he a moon child?

• 45:07Kurt Metzger?

  I, I think, I, okay. So on Jimmy Dore show, we played Trump, what he said, because now, let me, let me be conventional, conventional smart person about the disaster that is Trump. Oh, he's getting a lot of bad information from the people around him. Because Trump talks like he lives in another reality for me.

• 45:26Duncan Trussell?

  Right, yeah.

• 45:27Kurt Metzger?

  With, to juice the markets for this disaster.

• 45:30Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 45:30Kurt Metzger?

  We had to do for Israel. All of this comes from hiding Epstein shit, by the way. The government shut, no, no, I know.

• 45:36Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 45:37Kurt Metzger?

  That's what I think, I think. The government shutdown, Mike Johnson. Massey got that thing passed at Ro Khanna, the Epstein Disclosure Act or whatever that they legally have to.

• 45:45Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 45:46Kurt Metzger?

  They drag their feet. The reason I wondered why they weren't just Xerox copying black squares is what, like, someone's going in clumsily because Washington DC runs on government jobs. There's a government shutdown to avoid complying with the law. People like becoming a public notary or a paralegal. I found this out playing at the fucking Vil, Vil Ale House in DC. I go, I know you guys had a hard day redacting Epstein files. Four people laughed like really hard because they did. They literally, their day job, because their other job is out.

• 46:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 46:18Kurt Metzger?

  Is blacking out Epstein files. That's why they don't do a good job. So I'm like, what do you redact your eyes at? That makes no sense to me, that part. But the whole town runs on government jobs and the machine must keep go, must go on. So that's why they take the time to blackout individually. It's a patronage, the whole town, it's like if the factory. You know, I don't know, is there any towns that have factories still?

• 46:41Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, sure. I know what you mean.

• 46:43Kurt Metzger?

  That's what DC is. And if you don't live there, you don't understand.

• 46:45Duncan Trussell?

  Are you saying it's kind of like a money boom when they say to black out the files? Cause you make so much.

• 46:49Kurt Metzger?

  It's my side job to keep me going until my government.

• 46:52Duncan Trussell?

  Wow, you're just blacking out files for money.

• 46:55Kurt Metzger?

  Well, what else am I gonna do?

• 46:56Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking crazy.

• 46:58Kurt Metzger?

  The only Democrats left work for, are in, they earn a living off of being in the government, or they're an actor, same difference.

• 47:07Duncan Trussell?

  You know, this is, people are saying, I'm sure you've heard this, people are saying the reason Trump has named the excursion in Iran that we're doing.

• 47:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, an excursion, I like that.

• 47:17Duncan Trussell?

  Epic Fury, Epic Fury, is because if you Google Epstein files, Ep- fu- Epic Fury comes up first.

• 47:26Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they, I mean, it doesn't even have to be a close word for them to completely, understand this is Google, CIA owned Google, understand Larry Ellison is the shadow president of America.

• 47:36Duncan Trussell?

  And Google has a lot of great uses. I mean, just because the CIA owns something doesn't mean it's bad.

• 47:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, what I'm saying is, the CIA for years now, what, when you type a thing.

• 47:45Duncan Trussell?

  Done great work. I, I mean, I use Google all the time.

• 47:48Kurt Metzger?

  You know, as the.

• 47:49Duncan Trussell?

  Guess I'm a glowy.

• 47:50Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 47:50Duncan Trussell?

  Guess I'm compromised, because I go on Google.

• 47:53Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, guess because I'm wearing an all white outfit with a shaman.

• 47:56Duncan Trussell?

  Guess I'm compromised.

• 47:57Kurt Metzger?

  With a Q Shaman hat. By the way, QAnon, have we all learned that that was in the Epstein files where it came from? Steve Bannon and Jeffrey Epstein were the dungeon masters of that LARP. That's who came up with QAnon, that's in the files. So, you see the HBO thing about it?

• 48:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 48:12Kurt Metzger?

  You wasted your fucking life, because I, who gives a shit about that? Epstein and Bannon, why was Steve Bannon and Epstein coming up with LARPs for the public? Because this is a system of mass mind control, we need stupid things for you to divert to. But you don't have to get into the esoteric, the things they do right in front of your face, such as the excursion.

• 48:31Duncan Trussell?

  The excursion.

• 48:32Kurt Metzger?

  God, that's really funny, dude.

• 48:33Duncan Trussell?

  It's the worst name for something.

• 48:35Kurt Metzger?

  We had a bit of an excursion.

• 48:37Duncan Trussell?

  And would you want to go on an excursion with me? It doesn't spin. This is a realistic globe.

• 48:43Kurt Metzger?

  So, right now.

• 48:47Kurt Metzger?

  Finally, and that's one thing I insisted on in our contract with Mystery Boys, that this globe-

• 48:51Duncan Trussell?

  Don't spin.

• 48:52Kurt Metzger?

  And then flatten out a bit.

• 48:54Duncan Trussell?

  This globe don't spin. Now dude, this um, so I don't disagree with you by the way, that the excursion and everything that's happening is just some desperate flailing attempt by um-

• 49:07Kurt Metzger?

  Who?

• 49:08Duncan Trussell?

  By a PDF to like obscure shit.

• 49:11Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, it's not just that. It's not just that. It is also, um, so Israel, I don't know if you know, and this is really unfortunate, certainly, I'm not saying I feel this way. Israel has lost a lot of popularity, believe it or not Duncan, in America.

• 49:25Duncan Trussell?

  I have heard that. I have heard that.

• 49:28Kurt Metzger?

  Wise, I think wisely, uh, uh-

• 49:31Duncan Trussell?

  People seem really annoyed with Israel.

• 49:34Kurt Metzger?

  So the next move is Israel's going to destabilize wisely, all the countries around them. They want them, who's your leader? We're blowing them up. Who's the guy that wants to negotiate peace? We're blowing them up. What they're gonna do is they're gonna wring us for every, as they should, wring us for every last drop or whatever they can get.

• 49:50Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 49:50Kurt Metzger?

  They know the scam's over, like the mafia, they burned down the restaurant in Goodfellas.

• 49:54Duncan Trussell?

  This is the burning down the restaurant part.

• 49:55Kurt Metzger?

  Then they're gonna go, now we're not, we're a world power.

• 49:58Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 49:58Kurt Metzger?

  They can't count on us anymore. Who can blame them?

• 50:01Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 50:01Kurt Metzger?

  Have we been a good job as Goy? I think not. I think not. And as the great Ted Cruz has told us, those who bless those will in turn be blessed. And do the blessings ever stop around here? I don't think they do.

• 50:12Duncan Trussell?

  You know, I gotta say this, I don't mean to get sappy, I think you're a great Goy.

• 50:17Kurt Metzger?

  I, I, I try to Noah hide it out my best. You know the Noah, the seven laws of Noah?

• 50:23Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 50:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, because it's some Talmudic nonsense, but guess what?

• 50:26Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 50:27Kurt Metzger?

  Poppy Bush wisely, wisely, in the eighties with Chabad-

• 50:32Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 50:33Kurt Metzger?

  Lubavitch, the Lubavitchers, he signed a thing saying Noah hides good for us Goy's. It wasn't a legal declaration, but it's like when they made the Mooney guy officially Congress that he is Jesus.

• 50:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:44Kurt Metzger?

  Which they also did.

• 50:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I wear this crown proudly.

• 50:49Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, there, Noah hide is from the Talmud, it's the laws of Noah. You see, Chabad doesn't want you converting to Judaism. You, you know, and it's not racist, okay, which I know the crew's gonna say, cause they, they're, you know.

• 51:03Duncan Trussell?

  It's weird you even need to say it's not racist.

• 51:05Kurt Metzger?

  I, I, I, yeah, obviously it's not racist, but what you could do is-

• 51:08Duncan Trussell?

  But it is weird you would even feel like you have to say that.

• 51:10Kurt Metzger?

  It's an idea for-

• 51:11Duncan Trussell?

  But what are you trying to point to?

• 51:13Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh, best way to describe it, if you've ever heard of Sharia law and being a demi in a Muslim society, a demi pays a, a demi tax, cause you're not as good as the Muslims that, cause you didn't convert.

• 51:24Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 51:24Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's what Noah hide is for Jews. You can be a Noah hide and follow the seven laws of Noah. That means if you have any crosses and shit, get that shit out of your house. That's idolatry. So that's kinda Muslim of them, doesn't it? Anyway-

• 51:36Duncan Trussell?

  Get rid of your crosses and what else?

• 51:38Kurt Metzger?

  And they won't kill you, probably.

• 51:40Duncan Trussell?

  Who won't?

• 51:41Kurt Metzger?

  The, uh, the chosen, uh, uh, country.

• 51:45Duncan Trussell?

  Who won't kill you?

• 51:45Kurt Metzger?

  Israel, Israel, Israel, Zion.

• 51:48Duncan Trussell?

  You know, sometimes you make sense and sometimes you just go off the rails, cause like you were talking-

• 51:52Kurt Metzger?

  I'm telling you about Noah hide, and look it up if you don't believe me. Don't trust me, jerk off in your library, then look it up on your phone.

• 51:59Duncan Trussell?

  My friends in the massage who love you-

• 52:01Kurt Metzger?

  The massage?

• 52:02Duncan Trussell?

  You're gonna break their hearts.

• 52:03Kurt Metzger?

  Can we take a bathroom break?

• 52:05Duncan Trussell?

  I have to piss so bad.

• 52:06Kurt Metzger?

  I've been holding it in a lot.

• 52:17Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know how many people know you've gotten into making, uh, TV and you're a genius.

• 52:22Kurt Metzger?

  Kurt Beck's, uh, uh, uh, productions, yes, um, if you go on my-

• 52:26Duncan Trussell?

  Kurt, real quick, can I just show you what my friends that I met at Barton Creek taught me?

• 52:33Kurt Metzger?

  Please.

• 52:45Kurt Metzger?

  Can I be honest with you right now? Can I be totally honest?

• 52:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 52:48Kurt Metzger?

  That's one of the best things I've ever heard in my entire life.

• 52:52Duncan Trussell?

  You know what?

• 52:52Kurt Metzger?

  I, uh, that was-

• 52:53Duncan Trussell?

  What are you doing tomorrow at 5 a.m.?

• 52:55Kurt Metzger?

  Wherever that noise is gonna be, that's where I'm gonna be.

• 52:58Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, okay. After the show, I'll tell you the whole thing.

• 53:01Kurt Metzger?

  Now, uh, the critically acclaimed hits a com, uh, Epstein, that, uh, you know, not to brag, I did produce of a, uh-

• 53:07Duncan Trussell?

  You should brag, it's incredible, man.

• 53:09Kurt Metzger?

  It, uh, it's critically acclaimed.

• 53:11Duncan Trussell?

  You know what we, what, what we call you in the business, multi hyphen it.

• 53:15Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, did I tell everyone, I haven't seen you guys in a while, I am in the Epstein files, I've been making that clear to everybody.

• 53:20Duncan Trussell?

  You are?

• 53:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my, yes. Uh, so is DeRosa, Big J, I was Comedy Central taping, I did.

• 53:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 53:26Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, somebody invited Epstein for his birthday to come see it.

• 53:29Duncan Trussell?

  Do you think he was there?

• 53:31Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't get to, I don't know, if he was, he had the best birthday ever, that's all I know, cause I was a hot one.

• 53:36Duncan Trussell?

  Wow, I bet. So you potentially made Epstein laugh, his belly full of lungs and-

• 53:42Kurt Metzger?

  His belly full of, full of jerky.

• 53:44Duncan Trussell?

  Adrenochrome, just jiggling away as he laughed.

• 53:47Kurt Metzger?

  The guy eats a lot of jerky, cream cheese, so I imagine-

• 53:49Duncan Trussell?

  You could've smelled adrenochrome flatulence that night.

• 53:52Kurt Metzger?

  No, okay, uh, okay, uh, oh, you're looking up my name? Yeah, go ahead, did it come up? There it is! There it is, Dan Soder right next to me.

• 54:00Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that. That actually looks like a great show, man.

• 54:04Kurt Metzger?

  It was a great lineup, and, um, there's no crime there, but if I did do a crime, I wanna ask everybody, what, what would you even do about it?

• 54:11Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 54:11Kurt Metzger?

  You wouldn't do shit, bitch.

• 54:12Duncan Trussell?

  David Tell was the emcee?

• 54:13Kurt Metzger?

  If I ate three babies, you, you see any arrests for the Epstein files? No. So as far as you're concerned, I ate three babies. Fuck you. I just wanna make that clear, I'm bragging to you. If I did eat a baby, you couldn't do shit about it. And no one would, there would be no comeuppance.

• 54:32Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, when they say they're murderers in the Epstein files, that's what they're talking about, that show.

• 54:37Kurt Metzger?

  And then a refreshing grape soda. I'm surprised how much billionaires eat 7-Eleven junky-

• 54:42Duncan Trussell?

  They love it. They love jerky, they love pizza.

• 54:45Kurt Metzger?

  They get baked.

• 54:45Duncan Trussell?

  They're just like us.

• 54:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's it, you know Epstein was a real smoker, cause he would get a lot of the kinda stuff you get, you know?

• 54:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, totally.

• 54:52Kurt Metzger?

  I want grape.

• 54:53Duncan Trussell?

  Pizza.

• 54:53Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so, the Epstein, uh, let's, uh-

• 54:56Duncan Trussell?

  Let's watch it, let's roll it.

• 54:57Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, now, uh, uh, do you have a, do you- Nice.

• 55:01Duncan Trussell?

  Damn, it's so cool you got the rights to this.

• 55:04Speaker 05

  What is this strange and mysterious cabinet?

• 55:11Kurt Metzger?

  Use your headphones.

• 55:12Speaker 00

  Oh, Leslie's staying with Jeffrey for the weekend. Long story.

• 55:16Kurt Metzger?

  May I view him?

• 55:18Speaker 00

  You can look inside the cabinet, Jean-Luc, but you have to use the peephole.

• 55:22Kurt Metzger?

  Oui, oui, French love a good peep.

• 55:25Kurt Metzger?

  Classic. What's the magnificent dibut? Hello, little guy, come and come from there at a tiny particular. Hey, I think he likes me.

• 55:39Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck?

• 55:46Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-oh.

• 55:48Speaker 06

  You French dipshit.

• 55:54Kurt Metzger?

  Grape soda, grape soda, grape, grape, grape. He's cute.

• 56:00Kurt Metzger?

  Use force, you must. Remember your training.

• 56:09Speaker 06

  But what about my friends? Grape them, you must. Well, this is a fine howdy-do. I'm gonna find a new dibbik box.

• 56:23Speaker 06

  Whatever you do, do not give this little asshole grape soda.

• 56:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now press part two. These Instagram constraints made me break these down. Okay, that's part two. The Elon one's my finest work, but this is really.

• 56:36Duncan Trussell?

  The cat, the casting is incredible.

• 56:41Speaker 00

  Leslie, you know you can't have grape soda.

• 56:52Kurt Metzger?

  Grape, grape soda, grape, grape, grape.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  I'm Palm Beach Pete.

• 56:57Kurt Metzger?

  Grape soda.

• 56:59Speaker 06

  I'm Palm Beach Pete.

• 57:04Kurt Metzger?

  He legs great.

• 57:05Duncan Trussell?

  Uh oh.

• 57:10Duncan Trussell?

  Uh oh.

• 57:15Kurt Metzger?

  Liberty Eleven.

• 57:17Speaker 07

  This uranium too.

• 57:20Speaker 07

  We've gotta get the uranium.

• 57:24Speaker 06

  I'm Palm Beach Pete.

• 57:28Speaker 06

  You know these guys who still mail their sperm to ethos? It's like buy a ranch in the desert and build an underground sperm lab. You know, like an adult.

• 57:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 57:39Kurt Metzger?

  Don't let it run all the way. Hold on.

• 57:43Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, that makes me feel, ah. Wait.

• 57:51Duncan Trussell?

  Nice. When do you do your stream?

• 57:54Kurt Metzger?

  Whenever we, whenever, man, you wanna do it?

• 57:56Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I'd love to.

• 57:57Kurt Metzger?

  Cause your penis, your remote viewing.

• 58:00Duncan Trussell?

  It's not remote viewing, I draw celebrity penises.

• 58:03Kurt Metzger?

  But you, I thought you were like remote viewing their penises. Uh, it was a psychic element to it.

• 58:07Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you know, I don't like, I'm still a skeptic when it comes to that stuff, but you know.

• 58:12Kurt Metzger?

  Seeing is believing, and I mean, I, uh, cause the next Epstein I wanna do is, um, the first is called the, um, world, it's a secret thing called the world power slap competition. And it's which western nation first lady has the biggest cock.

• 58:26Duncan Trussell?

  I love it.

• 58:27Kurt Metzger?

  And it's just like power slap, but with their cocks. And so we can't show the contest on Epstein, but we can, the commentary is gonna be somebody really good.

• 58:35Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I know, I can draw most first ladies cocks.

• 58:39Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, let's do a, okay, next Dirk with Kirk, can we do a star studded?

• 58:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I'd love to.

• 58:44Kurt Metzger?

  Girl power, lady, first lady cocks.

• 58:48Duncan Trussell?

  No problem.

• 58:48Kurt Metzger?

  Cause on the Epstein episode, I think I'm gonna write it so that Trump, cause I have him as Newman in the pilot. Where he's like, hello, new, hello, Trump.

• 58:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 58:56Kurt Metzger?

  And he's jealous cause his wife has the smallest, his first lady has the smallest cocks that she'd ever wins.

• 59:00Duncan Trussell?

  You know what? I'm not gonna reveal it here, but there's a certain first lady. And I, you know, I, again, I don't wanna say I remove you, but there's a certain first lady.

• 59:11Duncan Trussell?

  When I, when I go where I go to, to see these cocks, it's like I'm forcibly pushed out by some kind of force field.

• 59:20Kurt Metzger?

  What do you mean?

• 59:21Duncan Trussell?

  I'll tell, we'll explain it on your show.

• 59:23Kurt Metzger?

  I'm starting a podcast called I'll Tell You Off The Show and then we never get.

• 59:26Duncan Trussell?

  That's a good idea.

• 59:28Kurt Metzger?

  I'll tell you after the show. Uh, okay. That sounds fantastic, first of all. And, um, like I said, the amount of first ladies with cocks. Also, I would look up Chuck Schumer's wife because you, you tell me his wife does not have a cock.

• 59:44Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, they're married. I'm not, I don't mean like they're not married. I mean.

• 59:47Duncan Trussell?

  Dude.

• 59:48Kurt Metzger?

  I mean.

• 59:48Duncan Trussell?

  I, number one, I don't know why this is A, controversial, or B.

• 59:54Kurt Metzger?

  Look, it looks like, look, that one, that one right there. Look at that.

• 59:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. What's the big deal? I don't understand why we're hiding the beautiful cocks of our nation's first ladies.

• 1:00:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, she's not a first lady, but she could be.

• 1:00:05Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you know what I mean.

• 1:00:06Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, did Stephen Colbert literally put on a wig?

• 1:00:10Duncan Trussell?

  If he, I mean, I don't know. It wouldn't bother me.

• 1:00:13Kurt Metzger?

  So, uh, yeah. Did anybody think about this at all? Oh, let's see their old picture of them. See that? There's an old, no, it's black and white. See it on the thing?

• 1:00:22Duncan Trussell?

  Where?

• 1:00:23Kurt Metzger?

  Senator first lady Facebook, Senator today, Iris.

• 1:00:26Duncan Trussell?

  Beautiful lady. What's the big deal?

• 1:00:29Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh.

• 1:00:31Duncan Trussell?

  You know, I, I gotta say this. I don't want to sound woke, but I feel like.

• 1:00:36Kurt Metzger?

  Iris is.

• 1:00:37Duncan Trussell?

  I feel like you have something against.

• 1:00:39Kurt Metzger?

  Dicks on first ladies?

• 1:00:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yes. And I draw them because of Iris think they're beautiful. Iris, they inspire me.

• 1:00:46Kurt Metzger?

  I don't have something against it in terms of.

• 1:00:49Duncan Trussell?

  That's what I'm, that's the vibe I'm getting.

• 1:00:51Kurt Metzger?

  Sexually, no. Sexually, it's the only way it can come. But in terms of a leadership position.

• 1:00:55Duncan Trussell?

  So what?

• 1:00:56Kurt Metzger?

  I just think that as, uh, you know, I'm a big TPUSA guy, as you know.

• 1:01:00Duncan Trussell?

  I know you are.

• 1:01:00Kurt Metzger?

  And I think that God has ordained women with cocks to be in a certain spot and, uh, you know, otherwise what's the difference between?

• 1:01:09Duncan Trussell?

  That's just, that's old. I, I just think that's a musty take. I think.

• 1:01:14Kurt Metzger?

  It does get musty down there.

• 1:01:16Duncan Trussell?

  Honestly, I'll, I'll be honest, you know, I, my bias veers the other direction. If I sense that a first lady doesn't have a cock, it makes me judge the first man.

• 1:01:24Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yeah, well, that's why I imagine Trump's pretty jealous because his wife's cocks are so small compared to previous presidents. That's why he acts like this.

• 1:01:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Kurt Metzger?

  He's acting like this because he's insecure about how tiny his wife's cock is.

• 1:01:35Duncan Trussell?

  Let me address that. Let me address that. And for all the, all the lefties out there, I'm not going MAGA here, but I must say this. Grower, not a shower.

• 1:01:45Kurt Metzger?

  Make a grower.

• 1:01:47Duncan Trussell?

  It's a grower, not a shower. Some cocks are growers, not showers.

• 1:01:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, some are both.

• 1:01:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, but, but some are not. Melania is-

• 1:01:57Kurt Metzger?

  I don't like to think about it.

• 1:01:59Duncan Trussell?

  Grower, not shower. Why don't you-

• 1:02:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, hold on. That is a very good point. I, you're saying-

• 1:02:04Duncan Trussell?

  I'm saying that if you see, if you see-

• 1:02:06Kurt Metzger?

  You're saying that, that-

• 1:02:06Duncan Trussell?

  If you see the current first lady's flaccid cock-

• 1:02:10Kurt Metzger?

  Her flaccid, yeah.

• 1:02:11Duncan Trussell?

  You will think, oh my God, this cock is smaller than other first ladies.

• 1:02:14Kurt Metzger?

  But it'll swell up to a nice trailer hitch is what you're saying.

• 1:02:16Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, let, let me, let me tell you. Can you pull up?

• 1:02:20Kurt Metzger?

  Because I thought giving birth to that giant boy would have damaged your cock.

• 1:02:23Duncan Trussell?

  Can you pull up the swollen King hands?

• 1:02:26Kurt Metzger?

  You're saying it's like a, oh, interesting.

• 1:02:28Duncan Trussell?

  Because when I saw those, the first thing I thought about was our first lady's cock when she's turned on. Yep.

• 1:02:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:35Duncan Trussell?

  But the longer, but still that same, like, just powerful swollen-

• 1:02:43Kurt Metzger?

  I think what I'll do is use those fingers as the censorship markers for the cocks of the first ladies because that, that gets the point across beautifully.

• 1:02:49Duncan Trussell?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:02:51Kurt Metzger?

  I would even use it on Michelle Obama.

• 1:02:53Duncan Trussell?

  Now, I'm not, honestly, you would have to extend those things out quite a bit. It's almost miraculous, the difference between the flaccid state and the erect state. It's almost like something that defies physics.

• 1:03:07Kurt Metzger?

  You could just, let's say you couldn't, let's say for some reason the king couldn't get it full king attention. He could just shove it in, like Keith Robinson's joke about shoving it in like mashed potatoes.

• 1:03:16Duncan Trussell?

  Absolutely.

• 1:03:17Kurt Metzger?

  He just, you're trying to mush your flaccid dick in like a fucking- That's what it

• 1:03:22Duncan Trussell?

  Look, you can suck, what the fuck? You can suck on King Charles sausage fingers for just sixty dollars.

• 1:03:28Kurt Metzger?

  Now that is fun.

• 1:03:30Duncan Trussell?

  That's a, that's a genius whoever did this. Wow. It's a bit, wow. We could order those sausage fingers?

• 1:03:40Kurt Metzger?

  Let's get some King Charles. Do they have an actual, uh?

• 1:03:43Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what's the link?

• 1:03:44Kurt Metzger?

  They have nails on them?

• 1:03:47Duncan Trussell?

  What is this? That's it? Oh, wait.

• 1:03:53Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, ahead of Saturday.

• 1:03:54Kurt Metzger?

  Let me tell you something, I'll give you a mystery. I gotta go take a leak real bad.

• 1:03:57Duncan Trussell?

  Alright, that's these white class, let's wrap it up.

• 1:03:59Kurt Metzger?

  That's gonna have to be a mystery, boys.

• 1:04:01Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks for tuning in, everybody, to the mystery, boys.

• 1:04:05Duncan Trussell?

  Don't forget, where, so you don't do it every night? When do you do your podcast?

• 1:04:08Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of times Tuesdays, but sometimes I do it twice a week. I just did it with Jay Parker, whose family from Martin, Delaware, was in the church of the marquee of hell. Uh, and he explained their horrible fucking illuminati shit to me.

• 1:04:18Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't sound like a great church.

• 1:04:20Kurt Metzger?

  It's, it's not. Uh, you know, it's not. I, I don't know anything, you know, now if you're going for the music, I bet it wasn't good either.

• 1:04:27Duncan Trussell?

  The marquee of hell sounds like a great DJ, but not a great church.

• 1:04:30Kurt Metzger?

  He described it as a plasma being. Keep your ear out for plasma, because that's, that's the scientists that are missing are plasma. It's only called plasma because I think Bohm, the guy who was studying it, thought it was alive, so he started calling it plasma to make it sound like blood, but originally it was called radiant matter.

• 1:04:47Duncan Trussell?

  When you donate plasma, is this the same stuff that they're talking about?

• 1:04:51Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 1:04:51Duncan Trussell?

  It's not a different thing?

• 1:04:51Kurt Metzger?

  They named radiant matter after your blood plasma, but it's, it's, think of it as radiant matter? That's the name we should have went with? Calling it plasma because he thinks it's the lifeblood of the universe.

• 1:05:01Duncan Trussell?

  Because I've been donating a lot of plasma, dude, I feel real weak.

• 1:05:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, that's why you have shlo on radiant matter.

• 1:05:07Duncan Trussell?

  Check out, uh, also, I've got a, um, late night stream, the night stream.

• 1:05:12Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Duncan Trussell?

  If you're interested, please check that out. We are doing the Lord's work, not to pat myself on the back.

• 1:05:17Kurt Metzger?

  When do you do that?

• 1:05:18Duncan Trussell?

  I've been doing it just about every night, every, every night I can, I'm, I'm dedicated. I don't, I don't do this to, to, to, to a night, to a week.

• 1:05:28Kurt Metzger?

  I want me to go on your night stream?

• 1:05:29Duncan Trussell?

  Anytime, come on tonight.

• 1:05:31Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Brian Callen said what's up.

• 1:05:32Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, tell him I said hi.

• 1:05:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:34Duncan Trussell?

  Well, thank you so much for watching. We will see you next time. God bless you. Live in the mystery.

• 1:05:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't remember what we say at the end of it, but.

• 1:05:45Duncan Trussell?

  We don't have anything, I'm just throwing something out.

• 1:05:49Kurt Metzger?

  Israel did nothing wrong.

• 1:05:50Duncan Trussell?

  And we're living the mystery.

• 1:06:18Speaker 05

  [Music]