We All Have Flaws… What Matters is What We Do With Them

Jeannie Gaffigan is a control freak. She takes charge. She cares about the little things and getting those things right. She always has. It’s hard to argue that this part of her personality hasn’t served her well. She and her husband, the comedian Jim Gaffigan, have created an enormously successful partnership that birthed not only multiple television shows and comedy specials but five healthy, well-adjusted children. You can imagine, you have to be a stickler for details to pull all that off. The problem was when three years ago, a routine doctor’s appointment revealed a pear-sized tumor on Jeannie’s brain. A 10-hour surgery successfully removed the tumor, but not without a series of life-threatening complications, a few more surgeries, and a long road to recovery. Life does that to us. It takes the balance we’ve created or the systems we take comfort in and it dashes them to pieces. In a recent interview on Marc Maron’s podcast, Jeannie explained how this obstacle required her to re-examine her life and her need for control. She really had no choice. “I am a person who naturally sweats small stuff,” she explained. “I didn't change my entire personality. I still sweat small stuff. I still get irritated by this and that. But I have a different level of awareness that it's small stuff. It doesn't have to ruin my day. I see the big picture.” It was at this point in the conversation that Marc Maron, the host, responded about how he has managed this side of his personality as well: “I understand that, you know, to take that pause… And the weird thing is, if you have that personality, you know you're going to do it. You're going to freak out. And it's really about trying to nip it in the bud a little bit. Like in the middle. or, it seems hard to do it before because sometimes maybe it's necessary. Maybe that's how you do it. But there's a point where you’re like, 'well I don't need this to be toxic. I don't need to ruin everyone's day. I don't need to make everybody crazy.'”It’s important to realize that the Stoics were not perfect. Nobody was. It’s exceedingly unlikely that Marcus Aurelius, the Emperor of Rome, didn’t have a desire to control things. That he didn’t worry. That he didn’t sweat the small stuff. That he didn’t have the impulse to get up in other people’s business or to expect things to go his way. We all have these inclinations. The key is that you don’t give yourself over to it entirely—that you pause and try to stop or slow it down before it spirals out of control. “Don’t let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet,” Epictetus said. “Say to it, ‘Hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.’” And as Marcus told himself, “You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you. Things can’t shape our decisions by themselves.”The Stoics don’t hold us responsible for our initial impulses or impressions—we can’t be too hard on ourselves from habits we picked up from our own parents or in responses to experiences or responsibilities in our life. But what matters is whether we give ourselves over to these drives and flaws, or whether we actively work to improve ourselves. We feel anxiety or a desire to control. Ok. But does that mean we accept it unthinkingly? No. We must put it up to the test. We pause. We put it in perspective. We try not to vomit it all over other people, or let it ruin anyone’s day. We can nip it in the bud. We can blunt its extremes. We can get awareness. We can get better. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at DailyStoic.com.

• 0:28Ryan Holiday?

  We all have flaws. What matters is what we do with them. Jeannie Gaffigan is a control freak. She takes charge. She cares about the little things and getting those things right. She always has. It's hard to argue that this part of her personality hasn't served her well. She and her husband, the comedian Jim Gaffigan, have created an enormously successful partnership that birthed not only multiple television shows and comedy specials, but five healthy, well-adjusted children. You can imagine, you have to be a stickler for details to pull that off. The problem was when, three years ago, a routine doctor's appointment revealed a pear-sized tumor on Jeannie's brain. A 10-hour surgery

• 1:11Ryan Holiday?

  successfully removed the tumor, but not without a series of life-threatening complications, a few more surgeries, and a long road to recovery. Life does that to us. It takes the balance we've created, or the systems we take comfort in, and it dashes them to pieces. In a recent interview on Marc Maron's podcast, Jeannie explained how this obstacle required her to reexamine her life and her need for control. "She really had no choice. I am a person who naturally sweats small stuff," she explained. "I didn't change my entire personality. I still sweat small stuff. I still get irritated by this and that. But I have a different level of awareness that it is small stuff. It doesn't have to

• 1:55Ryan Holiday?

  ruin my day. I see the big picture." It was at this point in the conversation that Marc Maron, the host, responded about he had managed this side of his personality as well. I understand that, you know, to take a pause. And the weird thing is, if you have that personality, you know you're going to do it, you're going to freak out. It's really about trying to nip it in the bud a little bit, like in the middle. Or it seems hard to do it before, but sometimes maybe it's necessary. Maybe that's how you do it. But there's a point where you're like, well, I don't need to be this toxic. I don't need to ruin everyone's day. I don't need to make everyone crazy. It's important to realize that the Stoics were not perfect. Nobody was.

• 2:39Ryan Holiday?

  It's exceedingly unlikely that Marcus Aurelius, the emperor of Rome, didn't have a desire to control things, that he didn't worry, that he didn't sweat the small stuff, that he didn't have the impulse to get up in other people's business or expect things to go his way. We all have these inclinations. The key is that you don't give yourself over to it entirely, that you pause or try to stop or slow it down before it spirals out of control. "Don't let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet," Epictetus said. "Say to it, 'Hold on a moment. Let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.'" And as Marcus told himself, "You don't have to turn this into something. It doesn't have to upset you. Things can't shape our decisions by themselves."

• 3:24Ryan Holiday?

  The Stoics don't hold us responsible for our initial impulses or impressions. We can't be too hard on ourselves for habits we picked up from our own parents or in responses to experiences or responsibilities in our life. But what matters is whether we give ourselves over to these drives and flaws, or whether we actively work to improve ourselves. We feel anxiety or a desire to control, okay, but does that mean we accept it unthinkingly? No. We must put it up to the test. We pause. We put it in perspective. We try not to vomit it all over other people or let it ruin anyone's day. We can nip it in the bud. We can blunt its extremes. We can get awareness. We can get better.

• 4:09Ryan Holiday?

  Hey everyone. If you're like me, you're stuck at home right now trying to do our best to flatten the curve of COVID-19. Maybe you've been furloughed, maybe you are just working from home because you can. But what we're stuck with is this sort of classic potential dead time scenario, as Robert Greene would call it. And we contrast dead time with what he calls alive time, when instead of being passive and resigned, you seize the moment in front of you. And that's why we've been hard at work at what we're calling the Daily Stoic Alive Time Challenge. It's going to start Monday, March 30. I'm urging you to sign up and do it with us. You can sign up at dailystoic.com/alive time. But it's 14 days, that's the length of the quarantine window, 14 days of Stoic-inspired

• 4:54Ryan Holiday?

  wisdom that will help make you better, get the most out of this time, help you be of use to other people, help you take your mind off all the uncertainty that's going on in the world. I'm really proud of this. You can check it out at dailystoic.com/alive time.