Location Sharing and Big D*ck Problems with Anna Roisman

If you're looking for a healthy dose of hilarious girl talk, this episode is for you. We have comedian/impressionist Anna Roisman join us to chat about the celeb impression that put her on the map, her controversial collab with Hilaria Baldwin, how she's morphing into Kris Jenner, self-talk for putting yourself out there on the Internet, and the videos she has in her drafts right now. We also discuss her boyfriend of nine years, why they aren't married (and when people stopped asking about it), and why they don't share location. Then we get down and dirty (literally) with some "Should I break up with him?" emails about hygiene, jealousy, and being too well-endowed. Before Anna joins us, we trade shocking stories about a funeral and a fart. Enjoy! Follow Anna on Instagram @annaroisman, TikTok @annaroisman, and visit her Linktree for more. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Aura Frames: Get $35 off the bestselling Carver Mat frame at https://auraframes.com with code GGE. Square Space: Get a free trial at https://squarespace.com/gge and use code GGE for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Boll & Branch: Get 25% off sitewide and free shipping at https://bollandbranch.com/gge with code GGE. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I remember watching that sex tape and I could not believe it.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Why do you think I put it out there? I knew a star when I saw.

• 0:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. I'm so uncomfortable.

• 0:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Is your bodysuit?

• 0:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have just a thong in my labia.

• 0:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, did somebody ever say something to you and like you're not aware of it and then you'd be, okay, so let me like, okay, you started talking about your labia and I'm not wearing a bodysuit. I don't really wear bodysuits that much anymore. And but like, then you started talking about how your shirt's up inside your vagina. And I was like, now I feel that my thong is up inside it and I wasn't aware of my labia previously.

• 0:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have sympathy pains. I mean, I think about it all the time where you retired from bodysuits before me.

• 0:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think about that a lot?

• 1:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, every time. Because when you said you were doing it, I was like, I would never. And I was still deep in my bodysuit era.

• 1:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Your shirt was still deep in your pussy.

• 1:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. And now I'm like, is my vagina getting bigger?

• 1:14Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you've complained for years about bodysuits. I'm just, I can't believe that I got to this quicker than you.

• 1:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I just dealt with it. I think a lot about the Victoria Ratliff quote from White Lotus. I'm just not meant to live an uncomfortable life. And I think about it every time I put a thong in my labia.

• 1:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I don't think I even thought about being uncomfortable. It's just like being a woman's uncomfortable. Everything you do is uncomfy.

• 1:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but I'm just like, you were like, I'm done living that life. And I was like, Raina, grow up. Everybody wants this life.

• 1:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I still think of all the live shows I wore them for and I was just so uncomfortable. And I was like, well, this is life. And now it's like, I can't get through the day.

• 1:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I was thinking yesterday, like a man undressing you and he takes your pants off and like your shirt is in your butthole. Like, that's sexy. We're running around like toddlers in a leotard.

• 2:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nothing more embarrassing than buttoning your bodysuit in front of your man.

• 2:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't do that.

• 2:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just.

• 2:09Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I don't.

• 2:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Doing the.

• 2:11Rayna Greenberg?

  You give yourself a reach around, you hold it up, you can't quite get the snap in the other snap.

• 2:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I used to be like, he can never see this. And now I'm like, just look away. Just look away.

• 2:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're married now, so you have to deal with this.

• 2:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I have to do a couple of like corset bodysuits and that's it. I don't really wear a lot of it. I like, I like crop tops now. I'm a crop topper.

• 2:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I've, I've always been both, but yeah, it's rarely that I'm in a bodysuit. So anyway, if I seem a little chippy today.

• 2:40Rayna Greenberg?

  This is the second time you said chippy to me today and I've heard you say it zero times.

• 2:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a new one for me.

• 2:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 2:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I've been looking for this word for years.

• 2:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Chippy. Did you make it up?

• 2:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it just means, you know, snippy, short.

• 2:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 2:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  I saw it in a video with Drake and Bobby Althoff.

• 3:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 3:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I went deep on like, what's been going on with her?

• 3:05Rayna Greenberg?

  What is going on with her?

• 3:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, she has a new man and people are pissed about it. This could probably be like a snack topic. And people say that are saying the meanest stuff to her about it. And she was like crying on TikTok. She's removed the, I think she took down the crying TikTok.

• 3:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Didn't she have some like plastic surgery issue too?

• 3:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's had like botox issues, like in her jaw and stuff like that, but people are really mean to her. And she was like crying on TikTok like over Thanksgiving and I think she took it down. But then I cut, I kind of forgotten about her. So then I went deep and then I,

• 3:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Chippy.

• 3:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  There was a clip about her and Drake and their fight and they did the YouTube video and then it got taken down and they really got in a fight and Drake was like, I was being a little chippy. And I was like, that's the word I've been looking for for years. Like,

• 3:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Like chip on your shoulder?

• 3:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, just, right now.

• 3:48Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what it has to come from that.

• 3:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are you interrogating me? Okay, I'm just kidding.

• 3:53Rayna Greenberg?

  You're sad because your shirt's in your butthole. That's it. Don't get mad at me.

• 3:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Chippy.

• 3:57Rayna Greenberg?

  You shove a shirt up your hoo-ha.

• 3:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's the word, Q4 word.

• 4:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Chippy.

• 4:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, yeah.

• 4:01Rayna Greenberg?

  A chip on your shoulder.

• 4:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it just,

• 4:03Rayna Greenberg?

  A little snippy?

• 4:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Actually, I think it's more intense than I thought. I think it's like aggressive.

• 4:09Rayna Greenberg?

  A little chippy.

• 4:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Aggressively belligerent. I thought it was just being like a little,

• 4:14Rayna Greenberg?

  A little.

• 4:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  snarky.

• 4:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Can I tell you a word that my brother said a couple of times, well, a phrase a couple of times? And I was like, I don't know that I hear a lot of people say this and I'm going to start incorporating it. He was referring to my nephew, but he was like, right before he started crying, like a big cry. He was like, he's about to kick off. And then he, he was talking about somebody in our family, like that like, likes to fight with people. And he was like, she thinks she's so tough because she loves to kick off with everyone. And I was like, I like that phrase.

• 4:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do like it?

• 4:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I like it. Kick off.

• 4:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've never heard that.

• 4:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Pop off, go off.

• 4:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bust down. Bust down Tatiana.

• 4:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Kickoff is fun.

• 4:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Kickoff?

• 4:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm about to kick off.

• 4:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I kinda like pop off still, go off. I mean,

• 4:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Kickoff.

• 4:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go for it, use it.

• 4:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you, I'm a kickoff.

• 4:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. It is funny, like, regional slang and lexicon. Can I tell you one we said, and my brother and I will like bring it back, but we will not say it to other people because this feels very like Smyrna Delaware. I don't know. I feel like this is not going to hit for any of the listeners. But when we would, in high school, middle school, if you were laughing really hard, you would say baggin' up.

• 5:14Rayna Greenberg?

  What does that mean?

• 5:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were baggin' up.

• 5:17Rayna Greenberg?

  It feels nice to say it. It means nothing. Doesn't make any sense to me.

• 5:23Rayna Greenberg?

  What the fuck?

• 5:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know if it means-

• 5:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I like it. It doesn't make any sense. It's like, okay, you know when you're sitting when people say it's cold? People say it's brick?

• 5:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's brick, yeah.

• 5:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And I had, I, that phrase like blew me to smithereens. I was just like, what does this mean?

• 5:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 5:36Rayna Greenberg?

  What does that do with being brick? But I like it.

• 5:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've never understood it. Bag up isn't even on, I mean, yes, it means to laugh. Okay, so to laugh heartily, I was baggin' up, laughing so hard. Okay, let me know if you, maybe this is like a Delco thing? I feel like most of the stuff that came down to Smyrna Delaware was Philly Delco.

• 5:56Rayna Greenberg?

  You know what I've wanted to ask you?

• 5:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 5:57Rayna Greenberg?

  What's the co? What's Delco?

• 6:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Delaware County.

• 6:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, it means county?

• 6:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 6:03Rayna Greenberg?

  For years I've wanted to ask you. It's like that time I wanted to know what you do with a washcloth in the shower.

• 6:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  All right, well, I'm bringing it up. I'm bringing back baggin' up.

• 6:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Kick it off.

• 6:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 6:14Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, let's thank our partners.

• 6:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Kick off and thank our partners.

• 6:17Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, thanks to Aura Frame. Get $35 off the best-selling Carver Matte Frame at auraframes.com with code GGE. And Squarespace, get a free trial at squarespace.com/GGE and use code GGE for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 6:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Bowlin Branch. Get 25% off sitewide and free shipping at bowlinbranch.com/GGE with code GGE.

• 6:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Quince. Get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge.

• 6:47Rayna Greenberg?

  This is it. We're a few days away from the holiday show.

• 6:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's really happening.

• 6:50Rayna Greenberg?

  December 13th, Saturday night, BAM Theater. It's gonna be so much fun, you guys. We cannot wait to see you all there. And we've told you, really, just like, bring your friends, bring your mom, bring your grandma, the whole family's in town.

• 7:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Please bring your grandma.

• 7:02Rayna Greenberg?

  All the girls. Like, bring your kids, whatever you want to. Come solo, you'll make friends. But we are really excited for this. These are, it's our biggest show of the year, wildest, tons of entertainment. It's gonna be so fun. It's gonna be a wild night, Saturday night, come, get lit, get loose.

• 7:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's gonna be a lot of things incorporated from like, the year.

• 7:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, your husband?

• 7:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  He'll be there, but you know what I mean? Like, maybe we might do something we did at my bachelorette, or maybe something we did at your bachelorette, which was my bachelorette in Vegas. You know, like, little things like that. We've incorporated that we have dancers and music and all the things, so.

• 7:37Rayna Greenberg?

  So, you guys can get tickets at girlsgotit.com. We cannot wait to see you guys there.

• 7:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  See you guys there. Okay, where do you want to start?

• 7:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even know, Ashley. So much has happened.

• 7:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, so much has happened, okay.

• 7:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I just like, didn't see you for like, 10 days. Oh my god, this is the longest trip. I went to London, I saw my nephew, and then I went to Soho Farmhouse, upstate with our friend Megan, upstate, she's in the country, and then back to London, and then back to Pittsburgh to see my family. I've been staying with people every day.

• 8:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Rayna Greenberg?

  For like, 11 days. This is how I think I know I'm not meant to be married. I don't really want to be with people this much. I don't really want, I saw this Marc Maron clip, and he was like, "I don't want to stay at people's houses." And I was like, "I think that's me."

• 8:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, it does feel, start to feel weird, when you're like, "I am in my 40s." For me, I'm like, "I am a married woman, I'm 42 years old, why am I in my parents' bonus room?"

• 8:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 8:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  On like the pullout couch. I have a husband. I run two companies. I'm a grownup. What am I doing? Like, there's nothing that humbles you, makes you feel so like, I shouldn't be allowed to be a grownup in this world than like staying at your parents' house, like staying at other people's parents' house.

• 8:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want to have to like fumble around, ask how the coffee maker works, and inevitably I break it. And like, I don't want somebody waiting up for me. I don't want it. And like, that sounds crazy. My, I try to not stay with my dad. I actively try to stay down the road. There's a couple hotels, and he gets like really upset.

• 9:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I still do like it. I still like, I like being taken care of. I like watching TV with my mom. I obviously love to wake up there on Christmas morning, but I just don't feel like a grownup. And I'm like, who let me get married? Who, how am I someone's boss?

• 9:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I, I don't get it. Cause you do, you revert to a 10-year-old, inevitably. I just, I think I don't want it. I think I want to show up ready to do stuff, ready to kick off. I want to show up looking nice. I, I don't want to wake up in the morning and talk to somebody about how I slept. I don't want, I don't want to do it. I want to be in my PJs. I know, listen, I choose, it's not for me. I don't want to do it.

• 9:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think about this a lot. Like, I just don't know how people marry annoying people. Cause you were with them all the time. Like, sometimes I'll say to Shashank, I'm like, we really are just together all the time. Thank God, we don't annoy each other. Cause you really just have to be with them all the time.

• 9:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you know couples that like really, I don't know, I'm trying to think, do I know couples that really annoy each other?

• 10:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think you see it all the time.

• 10:02Rayna Greenberg?

  That don't like each other?

• 10:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, they're just annoyed with each other. They'd rather be alone.

• 10:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that's me.

• 10:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's you.

• 10:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I really like being single and just floating through life and doing what I want.

• 10:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I feel like we, our tolerance levels have shifted over the years. I do feel like I'm a little more tolerant. Like, I like to stay at Matt and Steph's house. Those boys are up at 7:30, stampede, so loud, slamming doors, hollering, and I'm like, the kids are gonna be kids.

• 10:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Why is my dad using the microwave? It's 6:30 in the morning. I don't understand it. Like, my room is right off of the kitchen. It's 6:30 in the morning. Yes, he has to microwave something right now.

• 10:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  What is he microwaving at 6 a.m.?

• 10:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. He is cute, though. He uses his Girl's Got a Eeep mug for coffee in the morning. It's really cute.

• 10:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the microwave?

• 10:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  We need to get him like a heated mug.

• 10:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I, he also goes through like a case of water bottles a day. And I was like, you gotta stop this. This is really bad for the environment. And he was like, I'm 78. Get off me.

• 10:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I saw someone say, I'm not staying anywhere that's not nicer than my house.

• 11:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Where am I gonna stay? I can't stay anywhere.

• 11:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  A nice hotel. That's, her point was kind of like, I am only staying in a hotel that's nicer than my house. I'm not staying in Airbnb, which granted, we've stayed in luxurious Airbnbs. I think her point was just like, I'm not staying somewhere if it's not nicer than my house. But I think her point was more, I'm not paying to stay somewhere that's not nicer than my house, which I cosign that fully. Like, that is crazy. Why, what I, why would I pay to stay somewhere? That's a downgrade.

• 11:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know.

• 11:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm paying for this.

• 11:36Rayna Greenberg?

  What is the only option?

• 11:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I get, yeah. I'm just saying if you have a choice.

• 11:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, you see how I abuse a room and I need to be able to do that freely in a hotel. I, no one is more type A anal retentive about their home being cleaned and the most type B crazy person, I mean.

• 11:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  When you get to a hotel, yeah.

• 11:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even let you come into my hotel rooms.

• 11:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've, I am also like really tidy home. I, like my house is cleaned every two weeks. I, everything is tidy. Like again, if I come downstairs and the blankets are not folded, something went down the night before. But I keep it tight in a hotel room too.

• 12:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I will only go to your hotel room. I don't want you to come anywhere near mine.

• 12:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause you know what it is?

• 12:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Spic and span.

• 12:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  When I look around and if it's been an explosion, I think about having to pack that shit up. I like to keep it right, keep it tight. I will unpack. I will hang stuff.

• 12:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I know. And I, so Megan and I stayed in this hotel room together for two nights and like, she's an unpacker and she's like neat and listen, I love her. She's my very close friend, but she's not like a long time from like you. Like I can act a little crazier around you. With her, I gotta like keep it in the box.

• 12:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am a weirdo when I walk into a hotel room. I start rearranging furniture. I need to.

• 12:40Rayna Greenberg?

  You do?

• 12:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just start making space. Like I'm like, I need to move this around. I need to really have it feel right and like maximize.

• 12:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Sometimes I do move furniture.

• 12:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I mean, if there's like a chair in a weird place and I'm like, why are we here? I did get a little too comfy with her though.

• 12:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my god, what?

• 12:58Rayna Greenberg?

  So, this room we were staying in, like, the bathroom was sort of in the middle of the room. Like, the sinks were, like, in the middle. It was just a giant space. And the sinks were in the middle of the room. There wasn't really anywhere to go for privacy, and I had to take a nude. So, I just did it in the middle of the room with her. Just like, working on her computer. And I was like, this is just girlhood. This is like, how cute is this?

• 13:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 13:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Just like, taking nudes. And then I got in the bed, like, she was doing some more work. And then I had to take a nude from the back. Like, I sent a front-facing nude, and then I need to take a butt nude.

• 13:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 13:30Rayna Greenberg?

  So, I was just laying in the bed next to her, just like, camera over my butt, taking photos.

• 13:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  No secrets.

• 13:35Rayna Greenberg?

  It was really nice.

• 13:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't have to take a nudes. You could be in the room. Well, let me tell you what happened in the hotel room with us in Boston. So, we're gonna do an episode next week about, like, family and splitting up the holidays. And we have a lot. We did polls. We're so excited. So, I'll talk a little bit more about how we did it and what we plan on doing for Christmas and stuff like that next week. But when we spent the weekend in Boston, I went there the day after Thanksgiving. We did like, a day late Thanksgiving with his family and stuff like that. And we just stayed in a hotel in Seaport. That's the experience we wanted to have. And, you know, like, we're welcome to stay with his parents, but they live a little farther out in the suburbs. We just wanted to, like, you know, do that.

• 14:12Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't want to stay with people, so.

• 14:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I mean, it just, it depends. I mean, so, we went out. We actually went out, like, we, like, were partying pretty hard. Like, he had some friends that were out for like, a little high school reunion type thing. So, we went out. We got back to the hotel, and he was like, "I'm gonna, uh..." He was like, "I'm gonna go into the hallway." And I was like, "What?"

• 14:35Rayna Greenberg?

  He took a fart walk?

• 14:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  He was like, "I'm gonna go in the hallway to fart."

• 14:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  And he just did the, like, deadbolt to, like, keep, crack the door.

• 14:44Rayna Greenberg?

  You heard it?

• 14:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Heard it. Dead ass.

• 14:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Heard it down the hall, Raina. He said he was all the way at the elevator bank. And I yell out, "Ew!"

• 15:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  1 o'clock in the morning. He's farting in the hallway. I hear it. I screamed, "Ew."

• 15:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then I hear him laughing and I can tell he's so far away. I'm like, how loud was that fart? He was like, I was all the way at the elevators. I was like, you went all the way down the hall. How did I hear that? We're about to get a noise complaint.

• 15:27Rayna Greenberg?

  People are gonna get the fire alarm.

• 15:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Someone came out of that room.

• 15:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have never, yeah, we have never laughed so hard.

• 15:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Have you ever heard him fart like that?

• 15:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've never heard him fart ever. So that was my entree through the cracked hotel door.

• 15:45Rayna Greenberg?

  We had different hotel experiences this week. That is a cra- I feel like you guys got married and things changed.

• 15:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Like a week out, he's just farting that long and loud.

• 15:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, but he went to go.

• 16:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Take his normal fart walk.

• 16:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like if the door, if the door would have been shut, like shut the door. I'll open it back up.

• 16:07Rayna Greenberg?

  My dad farted next to me on a walk, just so loud. I was like, can you take care of yourself? Like, what is wrong with you?

• 16:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, uh, you're, he can't. I've heard your dad fart way too many times. I've heard.

• 16:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've probably heard your dad fart five times and that is five times too many.

• 16:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, what is wrong with him?

• 16:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's an old man.

• 16:25Rayna Greenberg?

  He just doesn't care.

• 16:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ew, I hate a dad fart. Ew, ew, ew, stop. Cause I've heard my dad fart. I want to kill myself.

• 16:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Your dad.

• 16:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  My mom. I just look at her different.

• 16:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, she tries to blame it on the dogs. You know, she does.

• 16:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that happened. He also brought the egg carton. If you guys were wondering, we were getting ready to go out the next night, have a little date night. It was like sitting by the door, the door of shame. So that was our trip.

• 16:53Rayna Greenberg?

  That's beautiful. Beautiful story.

• 16:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  I could not wait to tell you. And I had a really nice time with my nephews. They had a joint birthday party, I think I mentioned, and it was just, they had a bounce house and they were so cute. And I feel like I really bonded with Aaron on this trip. I mean, he and I are like similar. We're the same person. He is never not without a slice of pizza in his hand.

• 17:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Love him.

• 17:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  And he's just such a vibe. He really loves me. He's like, always wants to be on me. We have the same initials. We just really are buddied up and he has such a personality. Now he's talking. He says, Ashley.

• 17:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I just feel like Jay is gonna be like a Fortune 500 CEO and like Aaron is gonna be a comedian. Like, I just, you can already tell.

• 17:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I really, yeah, like Jay is like, I just can picture them in high school. Like Jay is like valedictorian and maybe he's a little, can be a little uptight.

• 17:39Rayna Greenberg?

  A little rigid, yes.

• 17:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  A little rigid, but he's still like big man on campus. Everybody loves him. He's still super lovable, but then Aaron is just like, lighten up, man. And Aaron's like a C student and he's like the football captain, but he's barely making the team.

• 17:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Friends with everybody. Like, everyone's friends with Aaron.

• 17:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like crushing beer cans on his head.

• 17:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Chris Farley.

• 17:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. That's his exact energy. He doesn't know what his body is doing, ever.

• 18:05Rayna Greenberg?

  He doesn't know to eat food on his face. He doesn't care.

• 18:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that was really such a highlight. And of course Jay too, and I being with both of them, but I just feel like Aaron's really coming into his own and we are like very simpatico. So that was good. We did a great Thanksgiving and I'm glad I got to be with Shashank's family and it was really nice to spend time with them. We put up their, his parents' tree and it was nice.

• 18:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It is nice.

• 18:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I had this funny experience I wanted to tell you about on the plane. So like on the way, this guy sat next to me and he like, every like bad plane behavior that I hate, he was just like really fidgety, up and down, up and down. He just like needed a lot of stuff. He rolled his pants legs up to his knees, took his shoes off. I don't know why people are taking their shoes off on planes. It really grosses me out.

• 18:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  How long was the flight?

• 18:45Rayna Greenberg?

  It was long. It was seven hours.

• 18:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Socks on?

• 18:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Socks on.

• 18:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'll allow it.

• 18:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, it makes me uncomfortable. He was like man spreading. He took up like all the space. He took off both of the armrests.

• 18:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Rayna Greenberg?

  He just like wouldn't stop moving and fidgeting and like moving the seat. He turned the overhead light on and he was reading this book. And every time he moved the book, it like shined the light back in my face, just blowing out my retinas. But none of this compares to what he was watching. So I saw maybe, maybe the craziest thing I've ever seen somebody watch on a flight. Like, I've never seen anybody watch porn. But like, you know, I've watched a Nora on a plane. Like, we've watched some stuff.

• 19:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Billy Eichner.

• 19:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 19:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bros.

• 19:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Bros.

• 19:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the gay orgy.

• 19:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I looked over at his iPad. It was fully set up. He's watching it. He was watching Hunting Wives.

• 19:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh.

• 19:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Malin Akar, he was watching these women finger each other. Malin, tits out, he is just bricked up next to me on this flight, this man.

• 19:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Watching Hunting Wives, I mean, you guys know Raina thinks Hunting Wives is the most explicit thing that separates.

• 19:46Rayna Greenberg?

  On Netflix, it's a crazy thing on Netflix. It was supposed to be on Starz, last minute ended up on Netflix. It is a highly explicit show.

• 19:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's wild.

• 19:55Rayna Greenberg?

  And there is just.

• 19:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there's an eating pussy. There shouldn't be eating pussy on a plane.

• 20:00Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 20:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, like even the orgy and bros, it's not like full close up P R V.

• 20:08Rayna Greenberg?

  She's on her knees blowing that kid in high school. I was like, how much longer? Like, hasn't he finished yet?

• 20:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, literally?

• 20:15Rayna Greenberg?

  It was a, no, that's what I mean. Like, are you done? Are you just horrid next to me? You're already taking up all this space.

• 20:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't like it.

• 20:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Shoes are off. It's, it's a weird thing to watch on a plane.

• 20:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, the fidgety and the shoes off, and now you're watching soft core porn on this plane? Like, go, straight to jail.

• 20:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And he never went to the bathroom. He never got up and just finished himself off. I went to the bathroom like three times. He never went to the bathroom.

• 20:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I mean, it's Shashank watched that show. He didn't have to jerk off after. I think a lot of men can just, I don't think they're middle school.

• 20:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I jerked off to that show.

• 20:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, but I think people can like watch sex scenes.

• 20:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Not me.

• 20:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're not going through puberty. Not you. Okay, you're just projecting.

• 20:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I masturbated like once an episode.

• 20:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I get, yeah, that's true. Yeah, you revisited your lesbian porn days. Okay, what else? You said you have all these things to tell me.

• 21:01Rayna Greenberg?

  So I had this crazy thing happen. So I flew back through Pittsburgh to go to Pittsburgh for a couple nights. To see my dad and, listen, I thought I was gonna have this great weekend. I thought I was gonna go to a Steelers game. And then someone died and it was, it was a family friend and that's very sad. We had to go to the funeral. So I Saturday night went out, first I went to my cousin Casey's. We drank a lot. And then I went over to Uncle John and Aunt Sherry's, that's their daughter. And we drank also a lot. I was very hungover the next day. It was like, and then we had to be at this funeral at 10 a.m. So I was like.

• 21:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hungover funeral is tough.

• 21:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Sunday morning, I thought I was gonna like get drunk and go to the Steelers game. No, I tried to like look nice, look decent, talk to people. I didn't know anybody there. I had to like be like cognizant, whatever.

• 21:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Rayna Greenberg?

  So I'm like very hungover, I'm out of it. I go to the funeral with my dad and my Aunt Sherry and we're sitting in like the pews or whatever. And this

• 21:55Rayna Greenberg?

  this woman scoots into like the pew right behind us.

• 21:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is another fart story.

• 22:00Rayna Greenberg?

  It's worse. It's so, it's so bad. So I started talking to her and I realized that she looks familiar to me. I sort of think I know who she is. She's an older woman, she's maybe like 75. And I go to introduce, I introduce myself, I say my name and she goes, oh, I know you. She says this in front of my dad, my Aunt Sherry and a dead body. She's like, I know you, you hooked up with my son.

• 22:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 22:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ma'am?

• 22:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Actually, it took the breath out of my lungs. No one has rendered me speechless.

• 22:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is church hours and there's a corpse here.

• 22:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Dead body. And I, all like, so I realized who she is in the moment and you know who she is too. Her son.

• 22:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Big dick guy?

• 22:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I gave him a handjob when I was at summer camp and I was like 12 years old.

• 22:53Rayna Greenberg?

  He's been on this podcast.

• 22:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Does he have a boxing gym?

• 23:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is there a boxing gym franchise he might own?

• 23:07Rayna Greenberg?

  And I look at her and all these, I'm going like, he told her this? Like, I was like 12 and all I could muster in front of my dad and Sherry was, yeah, it was like kind of when we were like pretty young and we're just all like white knuckling it. Like, I don't know what to say.

• 23:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  How does she know? That's so weird. Like, you hooked up with my son.

• 23:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Hooked up with my son, she said over her old chest.

• 23:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  You hooked up with my son means I walked in on you blowing him in our finished basement in high school years. You jerked him off when you were 12. Why does she know that?

• 23:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did she listen to the podcast?

• 23:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I do. It took like the-

• 23:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it did come up.

• 23:51Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I, it definitely did at some point. It rendered me speechless. Nothing has ever rendered me speechless.

• 23:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  What if you were supposed to give the eulogy after that?

• 24:01Rayna Greenberg?

  You wouldn't.

• 24:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I couldn't do it.

• 24:03Rayna Greenberg?

  She got up to go to the bathroom and I look at my dad and my Aunt Sherri and I'm like, that was fucking crazy. And all through this burst out laughing at this funeral.

• 24:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh no.

• 24:11Rayna Greenberg?

  It was, it was insane. I would tell him, but I don't think he'll think it's funny.

• 24:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  You, I'll tell him. Let me get in there. I'd love to break this to him.

• 24:23Rayna Greenberg?

  And it wasn't like a cutesy to be like, oh, I remember you. It was like so deadpan. You hooked up with my son.

• 24:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like you gave my son his first handjob. Like you were my son's sexual awakening. It was all downhill after you. Ma'am. I think he'd had a handjob before, one or two.

• 24:39Rayna Greenberg?

  And a couple since. Like, I don't think I'm like the handjob to end all handjobs.

• 24:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my god.

• 24:44Rayna Greenberg?

  That really was crazy.

• 24:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's just been blaming you for his, because remember he's, he had that whole story, like, I used to be living in my parents, like, whatever. Like, if, what if his origin story is like-

• 24:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm his, I'm his story.

• 24:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you're the villain. Like, he was like, it was all downhill when Rayna Greenberg jerked me off at summer camp. I just never really got my life back on track.

• 25:05Rayna Greenberg?

  It's hard to come back after me. I, I really honestly, like, most, I've left a wake of destruction in my path. Like, most people don't date someone great after me. I really, I can't cite it.

• 25:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't cite anybody that's done better than me after me.

• 25:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think he did okay.

• 25:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think he did alright.

• 25:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Financially, yes.

• 25:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's dated strictly models. His entire adult life. Raina's like, people just don't bounce back. Once they hook up with me in middle school, they've never really recovered. He's with like Gigi Hadid.

• 25:42Rayna Greenberg?

  It's Tyler Cameron.

• 25:44Rayna Greenberg?

  People really, listen, no one, they don't level up after me. But I'm sticking with it.

• 25:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, let's talk about our partners and we will get into it with Anna.

• 25:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, so, speaking of family.

• 25:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm so excited to talk about this because I saw them all week long. My parents have one, Matt and Steph have one.

• 26:02Rayna Greenberg?

  We're talking about Aura Frames.

• 26:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're talking about Aura Frames.

• 26:04Rayna Greenberg?

  So, we gifted them, again, I didn't do it, my sister-in-law, my brother did. So, it's a digital frame and you can upload unlimited photos and videos. You can preload photos before you ship it to them and like really personalize this gift. But my brother and sister-in-law gifted this to my dad and like most of their family. And we all share this app and we can all upload photos to it.

• 26:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  And videos.

• 26:24Rayna Greenberg?

  And videos.

• 26:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love when I look over and it's like a video of the boys or like something funny.

• 26:29Rayna Greenberg?

  And it's like, it's such a fun surprise, like when I'll see new photos come into it. And it's just, it's the best gift. I mean, really, especially if like you don't live in the same city as your family. You can really like share the videos and photos effortlessly and you can comment on the photos, which I think is really cool in the app.

• 26:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  So funny.

• 26:43Rayna Greenberg?

  My dad's just always like, "Look at my little man." It's like very cute. So, it's just the most thoughtful, perfect gift. And the actual physical frame itself, they have a couple of different colors. They're really beautiful. They look really nice, like sitting out in your living room. You can choose from like different ones that you like. So, if you are thinking of a gift to give anybody in your life, truly, this is the best. And it's really like a project you can all do together. And like I said, you can preload all these photos. Like when you gift it to somebody, they just really open up the frame, plug it in, and it'll just start working.

• 27:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really think if you have a situation like a wedding, for example, like I'm, you know, doing a lot of photo-related gifts for everybody. And it's like, A, people don't have a wall space for a million frame photos. Not everyone's a photo book. Like, this is the thing to do. Like, if you had a family event this year, I think this is like the most perfect gift. Family vacation. Kiss, like baby being born. It's just, it's truly like the best gift, so.

• 27:34Rayna Greenberg?

  It is. So, for a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com and get $35 off Aura's bestselling Carver Mat Frames, named number one by Wirecutter, by using the promo code GGE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A, auraframes.com, promo code GGE.

• 27:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now. To get it in time for the holidays, support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

• 27:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Terms and conditions apply.

• 27:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and Quince, truly incredible clothing and accessories and all the things. They sell so much for you or someone on your list. My favorite travel outfit, I flew both ways, five, six hour flights in my like set that I'm obsessed with. I wore the cashmere sweater on Thanksgiving Day. I have a pair of their leggings that I wore with it. I really love it. They have it all. Again, the cashmere, cashmere items start at $24.90. So you can shop that. I think this is a great way to level up your man's wardrobe, too.

• 28:32Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a great gift for somebody.

• 28:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but the gifts are great. They have gift guides and stuff on their site, but like your mom, but again, like I just, I always think of like, this is such a great way to start if you or someone, you really just want to have them have more elevated pieces at such great prices. They have silk, cashmere, like we mentioned, and great stuff for everyday, work, play, all the things. Wool coats are incredible. They work directly with ethical, top tier factories. So they skip the middleman and offer prices 50% less than similar brands. The prices are truly second to none. So we just love it. I mean, we just, again, love the cashmere and I love the stuff for travel. I give their bralettes. I just really have it all at this point. Such great gifts.

• 29:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you can step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last from Quince. Perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to quince.com/gge for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash G G E to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash G G E. Okay, let's get into it.

• 29:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, guys, we have a very talented guest here with us and a friend of ours. She is a comedian, a host, a writer, an actress, a content creator. She was the host of HQ Trivia. She hosts a woman show at Joe's Pub. She is a master impersonator. Unbelievable. We are so lucky to have her here with us today. Please welcome to the show, Anna Royssman.

• 29:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, thank you so much. I'm going to just replay that intro four times for my mom later. Be like, look, Mom, I did something. Okay, so I told you when we started recording, I've written every guest intro for eight years. Ashley and I have never seen somebody with a bio as long as yours. You're so impressive.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Wow, thanks guys.

• 30:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  So much.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 30:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  So your laugh.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  I'd be richer right now, huh?

• 30:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  What's your net worth?

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do it in a Kris Jenner voice.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  $1,000 billion.

• 30:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do, you have a little bit of her laugh. Are you morphing into her?

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know how, I don't have a laugh anymore.

• 30:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you're just.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  I've done Kris so much and her laugh is so specific that when I laugh, like my friends will be like, oh my God, that's the Kris laugh. And I was like.

• 30:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  You just did it.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  I don't know how to do it.

• 30:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just heard it. That's why I brought it up.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 30:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I just had a feeling you're just turning into.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Turning into Kris Jenner.

• 30:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  The laugh, the Kris laugh, I've never seen anyone do Kris Jenner ever, maybe? Or like especially not like you.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  I think like they did it on SNL at some point, you know, when the Kardashians.

• 30:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Way better, yeah.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Thanks.

• 30:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're so good. You do so many impressions and we're gonna have to do some today.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 31:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  The first video I think I ever got served of yours was when Hilaria Baldwin was outed for just, what, she's from Boston?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but she was outed for being from Spain.

• 31:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, but that, was that like a huge video of yours?

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Unfortunately, it was a mistake. Yeah, it was, I, I did it, I did a video as her in my pajamas, no makeup, on my couch, it's 11 seconds. And I was like, I too went to la universidad de Boston, like, and that's all I said, I think. Next thing I know, the LA Times was like TikToker and a Royce man. And I was like, oh my God. My life has changed.

• 31:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that was the first big thing that popped off?

• 31:40Speaker 03

  For like TikTok, kind of, kind of, yeah. That and my Steve, that, those were like the two ones that helped me in the beginning.

• 31:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think we met you in person, maybe last year, Taylor Strecker's podcast re-launch, I think, but we followed each other.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  I think we had done some standup shows together too.

• 31:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, after that, yes, like at the stand and stuff. But I think Steve was probably like what got served to me. But so who are your top five? Let's just try, are you so, you hate this?

• 32:07Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 32:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, this is your legacy. Yeah, so we have Kris, Steve, Hilaria. Are those your top three?

• 32:13Speaker 03

  That I do? Yeah, I guess those are the top three. I love doing Bethenny Frankel online. I do like all her like eating.

• 32:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  You just scream it sick.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, sick, insane. And I love doing, I do Joan Rivers for years for every award show. She's like my favorite to do because I write the jokes for her, you know, like I have to.

• 32:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Well, yeah, you were just saying you do, you were doing something with Melissa Rivers.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just did her podcast. Yeah, she found me because she liked my impression of her mom.

• 32:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of her mom.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  And I was like, to have her blessing.

• 32:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Because that could go the other way, you know? She's like, I've seen a bunch of them. They're all kind of like bad, like drag performances of her. Like, you really got her essence. And I was like, well, I am a Jewish woman who carries a Gucci bag.

• 32:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't imagine that. What it, that is the biggest compliment.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  It's scary. Yeah.

• 32:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Joan Rivers is such a legend. Her daughter's like, I like your impression of my dead mom.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  And we had a three hour dinner in L.A. And like, she was the fucking, she's the coolest.

• 33:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, then that brings me to my next question. Have, have any other of these celebrities reached, what's Hilary Baldwin thinking of this? The, the stuff you do of her is so insulting, but it's like, that's what she's like.

• 33:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you guys collabed.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  We collabed. We can't get into it. We collabed. It was, it was a moment. It was a 20 minute experience.

• 33:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, it was like a show.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  I brought a bodyguard because I was like, I could get poisoned. Like, this is how I go.

• 33:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shot. Because I didn't think she liked it.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  Right. That wasn't, no, no. I never, ever went there with it.

• 33:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, we know.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Because I was like, that's sad. That's unfortunate.

• 33:36Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you were doing this video stretching by the pool and like your butthole was in the air. It's, I can't get over it. It's so funny. You guys took the code to her Instagram immediately.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Thank you. No, I didn't think she liked it. But then she was like, I can be funny. And I was like, great, let's do a video together. Like, let's break the internet, bitch. And then we did this video. We didn't speak in it.

• 33:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 33:55Speaker 03

  We look alike, so we like did a little twin moment.

• 33:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yes, okay.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  And then all of the people who hate her came to my Instagram and were like, you've crossed over to the dark side. I'm like, what? I just met her for five minutes.

• 34:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, like, like, now I'm in with her.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  In with her.

• 34:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now we're best friends. She's not Donald Trump. Like, she's just a celebrity you can like her. Like, she, she shouldn't be so polarized.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  And she was like, very nice. We had a very fine time. Like, there's no, like, do people still have an issue that she like, she does have an accent?

• 34:27Rayna Greenberg?

  It's the, I think people just have a problem with the cultural appropriation, right? That's the main issue with her.

• 34:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, I always forget.

• 34:33Rayna Greenberg?

  She forgot to say the word onion in English.

• 34:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  But she is Spanish or she's not?

• 34:38Speaker 03

  No, my family went to Mallorca a lot.

• 34:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  One time.

• 34:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 34:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's from Tampa and she went to college in Boston?

• 34:46Speaker 03

  She went to, she's from Boston. She went to NYU.

• 34:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 34:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Okay. The appropriation. I get it.

• 34:50Rayna Greenberg?

  All of her kids are named like Hispanic names and she's like, my little bontitos and like she pretends to be Hispanic.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  That was my bit. I used to always do the names. So I'd be like Carmen, Rafa, Tapatio, like I'd just start listing.

• 35:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  But if she is an advocate for the Latin community, she could turn this around.

• 35:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Is she an advocate or she's just like a cultural appropriationist?

• 35:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm saying she could be. This is a people's issue with Gwen Stefani. They're like, you need to be an advocate for Asian culture. If you were going to appropriate all these years, people have said that.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 35:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And when it was like Asians were like being targeted, it was like, where's Gwen?

• 35:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Where's Gwen?

• 35:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause you profited off this culture.

• 35:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Where was she?

• 35:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, she showed up. She was with Blake Shelton.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  She's on The Voice.

• 35:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  At church. She's on The Voice.

• 35:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. So how, when did you start doing impressions? I'm fascinated by people who do impressions. Like, are you in your room alone? Like, do you film them? Are you in the mirror? I just am really.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I started a long time ago. I did like UCB stuff when I first moved to New York.

• 35:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like as a kid.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  As a kid, always I would impersonate people. I would prank call my grandma all the time and pretend to be like her friends from high school. Until she believed me. Like she was from like Queens.

• 36:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  She'd call your mom, like, can you get Anna off the phone?

• 36:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, did she even know it was you?

• 36:08Speaker 03

  Probably not.

• 36:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I went off.

• 36:10Rayna Greenberg?

  She didn't know?

• 36:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  You committed.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  I had so much, I'm so good at prank calls, like still to this day, but that was back in the day. But yeah, I would always like, you know, I'd be like the Spice Girls or I'd do like a full Britney concert. Like I always wanted to be like, I could do these people's voices. I was like, wow, mom, I sound like Celine Dion. She's probably like, you don't, but I keep trying.

• 36:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  So I love doing it. But then when I got to New York, I like, I don't know, I took UCB classes. I was like, wait, I can like, people used to say I looked like Sarah Silverman. Cause you know, if you're a Jewish brunette who does comedy immediately, I know it. I know. And I love her. So I started doing her. She was like one of my first because I was like, wait, if you do people you look like, then it like translates more.

• 36:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's a good gateway.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then I gave up on it for a while. Not gave up, but I just like, I don't know. I didn't like, stick with it. I started doing stand up and I was like into that for a long time and like hosting. And then in the pandemic, when we were in lockdown, I was like,

• 37:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Steve.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  This TikTok thing, I could maybe like put on a wig, you know, and like just let loose. We were all losing our fucking minds.

• 37:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think Steve is my, one of my faves because it's a gender swap and you nail it still.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  It's so random. I would do that around the apartment in the pen, in lockdown and my boyfriend would laugh and he's seen all my tricks. And I was like, this must be so funny if Jared's laughing. Like he's over it, you know, he's seen anything I can do. And I'd walk in the room of the bathroom and be like, maybe.

• 37:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, do I'm trying to think of like the male impressionists who are hot right now. Do they ever do women? You can't come across insulting, but I'm saying like for a woman to do a man and really nail it is impressive.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Like Mike Myers was like good at women, but like.

• 37:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yeah. What would he do?

• 37:49Speaker 03

  Like remember he did like Linda Richmond and he did like all those like female characters.

• 37:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  I guess they're not as much as impressions, but.

• 37:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you have like a, my dream would be, is it SNL or is it just like you, you do so much stuff? It's just like, I'm going to keep doing, I'm, I'm going to keep doing all this stuff. I don't have to pick a thing.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, my dream was to be Jimmy Kimmel, but like it sounds bad, you know, like where I could do sketches and I could do like Fallon, like a late night show where I can host, I can interview people.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  That was my in, yeah.

• 38:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  A couple of days later, you're like, god damn it.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  You know, when he goes away for the summer and they have all the guest hosts, like whenever it's a woman, they're like, finally a woman. And it's like the joke every woman makes because they're like, I've got two days on this show. Like, here we go.

• 38:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  That would be like my dream, I think, to have my own show.

• 38:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  I love SNL, but like, I kind of, I don't know. That was a dream like 15 years ago.

• 38:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Uh huh. It's an antiquated dream.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  You know, that I'm like, if that popped up, I have auditioned in the last few years and I was kind of like, really? You're going to pick me, but okay. You'll always audition.

• 38:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you mentioned your boyfriend. You guys been together for 10 years?

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Nine.

• 38:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nine.

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  And his name is Jared?

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Jared.

• 38:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Jared.

• 38:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sorry.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  We loved Jared. You can say it.

• 38:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Where are you guys both from?

• 38:58Speaker 03

  I'm from Philly.

• 39:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, okay. You are?

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, go Birds Philly?

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Go Birds. I'm from Lower Marion, so I'm right outside of Philly.

• 39:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Where are you from?

• 39:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm from Delaware.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  So suburban Philly.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Suburban Philly.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  And Jared's from Allentown, so.

• 39:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, okay, love it.

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're Pennsylvania.

• 39:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, but identifies Pennsylvania person.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  We met at UCB at a show.

• 39:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  At a show? This world too?

• 39:22Speaker 03

  A little bit. He's a producer. He does documentaries, but back in the day, he was doing more like, he did like sketch comedy. And we met at UCB at the bar, like the UCB East Village. Do you remember that?

• 39:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  It was like the best theater. And we did this show where I was like the stand-up who had to judge some like improv competition and he was an improviser.

• 39:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  I'm like, I wish I could just be like hinge.

• 39:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it was immediate chemistry?

• 39:44Speaker 03

  No, this is so much better.

• 39:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Way better story.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  It was immediate chemistry? No, I had a friend who was like, she's like, Anna, meet Jared. Jared, meet Anna. You guys should like hang out. Like, maybe I'll put us all in a group text. We should all like go to a bar. I was like, what is she doing? Like, I have a rotation right now. I was in my sluttiest phase ever. I was like enjoying life. I was like, sorry, guys, I have to leave this comedy theater because I'm hooking up with a drummer and he has a show tonight, like in the East Village. I was like, bye.

• 40:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, sorry. Sorry, nerds. I'm dating a musician.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, you fucking losers, you improvise.

• 40:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, have fun with the little comedy sketches.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Literally.

• 40:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm off to fuck this drummer.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  I remind him every day. I'm like, remember the night we met? And I left to go hook up with the drummer.

• 40:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did it take him a while to like wear you down, to get you to stop fucking all these drummers?

• 40:27Speaker 03

  It took like two weeks.

• 40:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you were into it. Okay.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  I was into it. Well, yeah, my friend brought him to a birthday party, a birthday dinner. And I was like, Katie, no one's fucking, I was like, no one's bringing friends. There's 12 people going to this dinner. No one's bringing friends. She's like, oh, I asked if I could bring a plus one. I go, what? For me? And we got.

• 40:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  She saw it for you.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  She saw it and we got super drunk. And I was like, you know, when you're like on a moxasilly.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  You're like,

• 40:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but tell me about it. Maybe it will be.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  I have like strep throat.

• 40:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, totally.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  And I'm at the end.

• 40:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm dealing with the UTI.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like better, but like still on the meds. So we go out and I had like Jell-O shots. I don't know what we did that night and we were like making out in a cab and I was like, I guess that was fun.

• 41:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guess you're my boyfriend now. I haven't had a Jell-O shot on amoxicillin since oh, five and water rush. Good. Just bring me right back. It's nice on your throat.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. I got kicked off a dance floor for mooning. I pulled my dress up and I was like, take a photo of me.

• 41:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  That was your first date?

• 41:26Speaker 03

  That was literally our first date. It was a crazy night. That's why, yeah.

• 41:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would love a first date.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  When you come to our apartment and people ask for our wifi password, it's R I P Senior Frogs. Cause that's where it all went down.

• 41:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  It happened at Senior Frogs in New York?

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, my friend had a joke dinner in Times Square.

• 41:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  You found love at Senior Frogs?

• 41:40Speaker 03

  I did.

• 41:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  New goal unlocked. I've had sex after going there. I've always wanted to do those things in New York. I always want to go to Olive Garden for New Year's Eve and see the ball drop. Isn't it like a thousand dollars doing for dinner at Olive Garden? I can't afford it. Yeah, now we can finally afford to go to Olive Garden. They sell that experience. Yeah. Cause you can be in the restaurant. But like a Margaritaville Senior Frogs in Manhattan is so funny to me. Have you gone in like Cancun? I have.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe like spring break and college or something.

• 42:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Okay, can I, we also talk about your camel toe shoes? Wow, I was like, you're, wow, I really want the jugular.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Do you want to talk about which camel toe?

• 42:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're just so fun. Is that like, are they supposed to be?

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're fake of the like, what are they? The tabbies?

• 42:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, yeah. But these are like cheap ones. Ashley has like a long history with camel toe. Camel toe, yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Have you ever done the show?

• 42:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I feel like it's really on brand. And just the big foupitwa, long concerning vagina. I got a DM once. It was like, the length of your vagina is concerning. Well, I'm thinking about like the second episode of the podcast and that homeless guy yelled, whoa, camel toe at you. Yeah. Oh my god. And I went on a tour called the camel toe tour. Yeah, this was like early days in the podcast and I was walking home from a workout class. I had these bright blue pants on and just feeling myself. I'd just done Pilates or whatever. And this homeless man got right in my face and was like, whoa, camel toe. I was shocked. It really. We are. I couldn't believe it. Union Square Park, right? I was in Union Square.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Oh my god. I love that you were like, you know what? I'm going to turn into a brand and we're going to go.

• 43:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did. And I would, I extended the bit out and said, I went home and took him off and brought him back to him.

• 43:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then she launched a comedy standup tour.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 43:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  About it. Yeah. So we have a long history with the camel toe.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  But anyway, love the, love the shit.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Bringing back trauma or you're.

• 43:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm just.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  No success.

• 43:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was it?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  The tour was a huge success.

• 43:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. So we have like dating stuff we want to talk to you about today and.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 43:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I do want to talk a little bit more about your career and like putting yourself out there on the internet. And everybody's has hesitation or doubt with putting themselves out there. Do you feel that or you just like send it like, I don't care.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  I, I'm, it's funny. I have like maybe 20 videos I've never put out. Like I'm hard on myself.

• 43:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  But I also don't give a shit.

• 43:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Like I'm like, if I think it's funny, I'm putting it out.

• 43:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Sometimes I'll have these ideas and it'll take me a while. And I know that's when you're like, no, stop, like just put it out. You, you, you wanted to do that and some fail and you kind of have to like just throw shit against the wall. I think, right? Like.

• 44:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, totally. I mean, that's with anybody who is doing anything comedy related and impression sketches. Just, I think it takes guts to do.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause yes, of course you're like, I think this is funny, obviously.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Right.

• 44:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  But how do I know? And are people going to say things and?

• 44:27Speaker 03

  I think what's hard is like, people are used to certain things. So I know like, if I put out a Kris Jenner, those do really well. But if I want to put out like a clip from my standup show last week, it's not going to do as well. Cause people don't, that won't be pushed around like.

• 44:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  But I'm also like, you know what? Who cares? Like just, that's what I have to force myself to do is like, no, if that's something you do, and you want people to know you do, like just put it out.

• 44:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just, I wonder if like, you probably didn't even think of this when you started doing the Steve impression. But like you were on the, what? The red carpets for the And Just Like That premiere this year. Like when you put that out to begin with, did you think such a thing would ever happen?

• 44:59Speaker 03

  No, not even five minutes before I got there. I was like, wait, he could be here. I, I haven't mentally prepared for this moment.

• 45:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God. And you were just on the red carpet for BravoCon.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was so fun. I did Luann with Luann.

• 45:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  And she's.

• 45:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  So fun.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  The best. She was the fucking coolest.

• 45:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I like that also. Everybody says like you, you start to be in this one category and people want more of it.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have to stay in this box and I just don't think you can do that forever. And Kate Steinberg is a perfect example. She's like, I'm had this millennial content.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I get so anxious about putting out anything other than that, but you, you just have to. You have to let people know you have.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Range.

• 45:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, range.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like you're a person with.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  But not just a character.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  You have other interests.

• 45:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Totally. I, it's funny, I've been, I love soup.

• 45:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  As a food?

• 45:48Speaker 03

  I try to not talk about it that much because it was my whole personality.

• 45:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was, yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Was it?

• 45:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I dressed up as soup for a Halloween show.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 45:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like a can of Campbell's.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Wait, I, I, so I did 15 episodes of me making soups in the pandemic.

• 45:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, I did two.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 46:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just would bang them out all the time.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 46:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would just do like 15 story slides of one soup.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  I would call soup queen and I was like, every episode had like a genre of music and I'd wear some weird ass outfit and I loved it. And then like, I just like, didn't do that. I did like a partnership with like Campbell's. I was like, wait, this is it. But I'm.

• 46:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you like reached the top level.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  I fucking, well, yeah, you know, I would say the money wasn't top level, but it was like, you know, I was like, this is so fun. And I haven't done it in a long time and I miss the soups. And so I've been like slowly putting them out. They get no hits. But I'm like.

• 46:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're like, make the soup as Kris Jenner or else.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, people are like, you know, do that.

• 46:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do it as Bethany.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  And I'm like, maybe I'll like incorporate a line or two, but like, no, like I also am Anna who fucking loves soups. I make a good ass soup and you're going to enjoy it. So.

• 46:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think OG fans like it.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  I miss making a soup.

• 46:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm dynamic.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  People used to message me like, where did the soups go?

• 46:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, give me that resume.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  Get back on the soup.

• 46:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's fine.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  We've got a whole network waiting for us.

• 46:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  We should collab on soup.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  I would love to. I have like three that I haven't edited yet that I'm like, gotta get that beef vegetable out.

• 47:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Does your boyfriend do anything with you?

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Yes, a lot.

• 47:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, he does. I just haven't seen him. I'm not getting served him.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm only getting served you. He doesn't post anything.

• 47:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is he still a comedian and improver?

• 47:16Speaker 03

  No, not really.

• 47:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's adjacent.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  He works in documentary. He produces documentaries. And yeah, I mean, he'll do stuff with me, like, you know, he's played roles in my stuff or shoots my stuff. He's still my bitch, you know? He's my assistant slash producer slash director. We made a lot of content in the pandemic together. We would do these like recreations of movies. He's acted before. He has this like cult horror movie, which every, every so often on my comments, they'll be like, is that Tony from Hell House?

• 47:45Speaker 03

  No, this movie was 10 years ago.

• 47:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but like it's one of those things.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Yes. And like last year at the Alamo, he had a screening and did a Q and A and all these fans are like, I've been, I've been waiting for, I'm like, wait, they still, this movie came out 10 years ago.

• 47:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was he a big part of Hell House? Okay, was it indie or?

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was an indie.

• 48:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Do you know that reference? Johnny Drama? Johnny Drama Entourage? Yeah. Is that called Fall Out? That's a great reference. Viking Quest.

• 48:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow, Rainie, you really pulled that out. That was a good one. Yeah, I would not have gone to my head.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  I don't know how I did that, honestly. I don't even remember what happened this morning.

• 48:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so fair. That's such a good comparison. So.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  I have, we have questions for you.

• 48:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is it really gory?

• 48:26Speaker 03

  Oh, that's not my, that was my question.

• 48:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's kind of gory. Is it? Okay. It's like a found footage movie. Like Blair Witch, where they like act like it's like them shooting it. Okay. Just gonna take a quick break. I'm telling you guys about Bowlin Branch. These are the sheets that I have exclusively. I have three pairs and two.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Pairs?

• 48:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sets.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  Pairs of sheets?

• 48:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sets. That's the word. Pairs are crazy. Pairs of, I don't know why. I have my three sets. I have white, a cream color and like a beige color. Like a stone on my head too. Yeah, you have some great colors and then I have two duvet covers. So I just am always in Bowlin Branch. I'm obsessed with these sheets and they are such a great gift for, again, for anyone on your list. I think this is one of the best because you can give people, I mean, I don't know. I think everyone could use an extra set of sheets. You know, and just have them in their rotation.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Bedding is the perfect gift.

• 49:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bedding truly is the perfect gift. And this is just something that people might want to upgrade. You know, people want like new appliances, luggage, phone accessories, things like that. But how you sleep is the most important thing. So I think the bedding is where to start if you're upgrading anyone or yourself. So it is their best sale of the year, happening now, 25% off site wide. So start with their best selling signature sheets. It's the perfect balance of softness and breathability for your best sleep. The signature sheets get softer with every wash. They're made with the highest quality, 100% organic cotton. All of their bedding, from blankets and throws to pillows and duvets are made with exceptional quality and durability and everything is on sale. There's a 30 night guarantee so you can shop worry free. I mean, the packaging is great, too. I love the box that it comes

• 49:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  in and it's really just like a nice elevated unboxing experience. And I haven't slept on anything other than these in, I don't know, years. And they do really get softer with every wash. I'm just so obsessed. The quality is amazing. They're not baggy. You know, I hate a baggy sheet. They fit the bed perfectly. So I am such a fan of it. Rain is too. You can give yourself and your loved ones the most extraordinary feeling sleep with 25% off site wide, plus free shipping and extended returns during Boll & Branch's best sale of the year. Shop now at bollandbranch.com/gge with code GGE. That's Boll & Branch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com/gge. Code GGE for 25% off. Exclusions apply.

• 50:42Rayna Greenberg?

  And this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. So this is the website platform that Ashley and I have always used for Girls Gotta Eat. And it does literally everything. So we sell tickets on it. We sell merch on it. We have the whole catalog of all of our episodes on it. All of our partners are on there. There's so many ways that this is going to help you. So if you have like a side hustle and you feel like the only thing standing in your way from growing your business is a website, Squarespace is going to be the first place to go. So they have great design intelligence. They're going to have all these AI features for you guys to build a beautiful website. It's going to look professional. It's going to look amazing. You don't have to have any background in design whatsoever. And I think it's a little intimidating. So they're going to help you with that. They have Squarespace payments. So if you want to take payments all in one place, they'll help you connect

• 51:23Rayna Greenberg?

  your social accounts and all these multimedia accounts. You can sell content. There's SEO tools. I mean, it is really a one stop shop and it's really user friendly. So if you've never built a website ever, this is going to make it easy and simple for you. And don't let building a website stand in between you and launching a new business because we really do everything on it.

• 51:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  So easy to use.

• 51:43Rayna Greenberg?

  So, and I built a new website on it. So you know, check that out on Monday, a week from today. Maybe you'll find some stuff on it. You guys can head to Squarespace.com/gge for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use GGE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 51:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 51:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I have a question. So you and him have been together for nine years.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:03Rayna Greenberg?

  At what point did people start asking, when are you guys gonna get married? And when do people stop asking?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Oh, I love this.

• 52:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And what is your answer for this?

• 52:10Speaker 03

  This is the best question. Okay. I'd say a year or two in. Once we moved in together, they were like, when are you getting married? You guys moved in together. We moved in after a year because we both lived with exes in New York. And we were like, why the fuck were we not? Well, we paid two rents for each of us to have our own apartments.

• 52:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Right, yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  We spent every night together.

• 52:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  And I'd say they stopped like

• 52:30Speaker 03

  a couple of years ago. It's like, phew, finally. Like after year six, they're like, oh, I guess that's not.

• 52:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Six, okay, so six years. Well, what was your answer?

• 52:37Speaker 03

  So for five years. You have to have the whole. I still, once in a while. Interrogation. You know, newbie, new people, they'll be like, nine years? You're not married? I love talking about it on stage, too.

• 52:47Rayna Greenberg?

  We ask from a just curiosity.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Because out of respect.

• 52:53Speaker 03

  I'll say this.

• 52:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It's not for everybody, you know?

• 52:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I never like was one of those people that was like, I need to get married. Like, I have a dream wedding. I never cared about that. I was like, I need to be successful. Like, I only cared about my career.

• 53:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Game, recognize game.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know? And then, you know, and he wasn't really like obsessed with getting married. And he was like, whatever you want to do. Like, I don't care. If I was tomorrow, if I woke up and I was like, I want to get married. Let's get married tomorrow. He'd be like, okay.

• 53:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  Like, I think he's.

• 53:18Rayna Greenberg?

  You're like, I just want a really big closet.

• 53:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:22Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, check out your ring. You're like, no, get me a really big closet.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  That's literally me every day. I am Carrie Bradshaw. I make him watch it every other week. And I'm like, there's the closet. Get it for me.

• 53:31Rayna Greenberg?

  But that's a workout. So you don't, you don't care if you get married? That's not a thing? And people just finally stopped?

• 53:35Speaker 03

  Here's when I want to get married, when I can do it myself. So when we first started dating, my sister was getting married. I did not take Jared to the wedding because I was like, I've been with him like two, three months.

• 53:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, okay.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  He's not coming to, she got married in Colorado. I'm not bringing him there to like a wedding with family.

• 53:50Rayna Greenberg?

  That's how I felt about her wedding. I had people I could have like invited as a guest, but I was like, I know everybody in this room.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  You were a huge part of it, like good, same, like sisters.

• 53:57Rayna Greenberg?

  It would have been weird to be like, yeah, like to bring somebody like my sister's wedding, who was like a, it just would have been weird to me.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  And you're like, I don't, yeah.

• 54:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Wouldn't be bothered.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  There's going to be so many questions and like you have a big role in the weekend. I was like, I'm going.

• 54:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm doing a stand-up set here.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 54:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Rain is headlining this wedding.

• 54:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so, so my sister's wedding and watching my mom plan my sister's wedding. I mean, we had, there were months we didn't talk. She was a fucking nightmare and I'm really close with my mom, but there was just, it was drama from day one and I was like, I could never let this happen. Like, this will ruin us if she throws a wedding, if she plans a wedding for me.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  How old was your sister at the time?

• 54:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Twenty-seven, twenty-six?

• 54:33Speaker 03

  Cause I've said this throughout Ashley's whole wedding planning. I planned a wedding when I was like twenty-eight and every minute of it was like being tortured because I wasn't paying for it.

• 54:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  It was constant.

• 54:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, because it's like, we were called her bridezilla. We were like, it's her wedding. Like, she's paying so she can make the calls.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  We paid for all of it.

• 54:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  I paid for most of it and it, my parents didn't weigh in at all. And they're just so, my parents are so chill. My mom wouldn't have the first, like, she wouldn't have cared either way. I think my mom would have been annoyed if she had to plan it.

• 54:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  My mom's like, if I wasn't a dentist, I would do this as a career. And we were like, shit.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Please do it for someone else.

• 55:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Torture people, torture your children.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  I think she flew to Colorado to do the tasting by herself because my sister was in law school and was like, I don't care what the food tastes like.

• 55:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is so funny. We didn't even do a tasting. But it's, we did our wedding recap, it came out a couple of days ago.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I want to listen to it. I've seen the teasing of it.

• 55:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Check it out. Because the first thing I started with was like, you should have your dream wedding.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause you really don't get to have that experience again, where you're surrounded by all those people.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  Have you ever heard somebody say, I don't want to get married because my mom ruined wedding planning for me?

• 55:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  It makes sense. I mean, I'm thinking, I had a friend, it just, I swear, and her family had a lot of money and this was in Atlanta. They were just high society people. So it was going to be this fancy wedding and it had to be done the way the parents would have proved it. And I just didn't see her for a year. Like, I don't think we ever hung out. Every weekend had to be something with her parents, like, whatever tasting, shopping trip. Like, I, it took over her life and I don't think she liked that either. But we happened to got her back.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Friends to wedding planning. They'll be like, oh, I just have so much to do for the wedding. And you're like, in, in six months?

• 56:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I think it's weird. There was a good chunk of time that we didn't have to do much. And that was like the bulk of my tour. Those last few weeks were insane. And the beginning was a little picking a venue and all that stuff. And then it really should not be that intense. But it truly takes.

• 56:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  People's life over for a year.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that's what we'll do.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  We'll plan it on our own. When I have the money to plan my dream wedding.

• 56:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  I would absolutely do it.

• 56:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  But for now, I'm like, or if we won't and we'll just like go away or buy a house. I don't know. Like it's

• 56:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 56:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. We'll use our money for other stuff. I think that that's probably what trips a lot of people up is like feeling that their partner won't be on board with marrying them when they want to get married. I think you're sort of the opposite. You're like, well, do it if we feel like it.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. And people are like, why don't you just go to City Hill? I'm like, because that's not my dream wedding. Like if I get married, I'm going to have a big party and like invite people. Like I'm not just, I don't need to be married.

• 56:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 56:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  So do you guys want kids?

• 56:58Speaker 03

  No.

• 56:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Never wanted kids.

• 57:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I kind of figured.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  I said that like day one of day, I was like, I don't want.

• 57:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same. Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. Cause I was like, do you? And he was like, no, I've never really wanted kids. But again, if I was like, I could, if I wanted a kid, he would be like, okay, I guess we'll have a kid. Like I'm that, I have that much influence over this man.

• 57:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually find, and that's probably because I'm 40 and men that I'm dating probably would have had children by now if they wanted to. But most men that I go on dates, I always bring it up for a date. And most men that I've dated, my experience has been they've been like, eh, if the person I'm dating wanted kids, I would. And if they didn't, I don't care that much. Like that's been more my, I've only really run into two people in the last couple of years that have been like, my, my dream, my non-negotiable is children. And both of them are fucking trash. So.

• 57:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're like, I gotta keep this bloodline going.

• 57:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Not, they're not trash because of that. They're just trash people. But everybody else just had been like, if my girl's happy, I'm happy.

• 57:52Speaker 03

  We have two dogs and we're like, we'll have a lot more dogs in our life.

• 57:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  A hundred percent. Yeah.

• 57:56Rayna Greenberg?

  We had Taylor Strucker on the show last week. This episode will come out one week before yours. And she's gonna be a dad.

• 58:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Taylor Strucker is gonna be a dad.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Taylor already has a dad. You know what I mean?

• 58:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  We had a real moment with her where, wasn't Taylor Donahue like, I mean, I would have probably been fine if we didn't have a kid. Taylor Strucker was like, excuse me?

• 58:16Rayna Greenberg?

  She's like, you fucking tell me now?

• 58:18Speaker 03

  She told me when I was co-hosting and I'll never, I was like, wait, this is real? You're going to be a parent? I was like, wait, what? Hold on.

• 58:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's so open. I mean, that's the like, you're our people.

• 58:28Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 58:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  She, people that are like, open about all the things and their decisions and inside of their relationship.

• 58:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, we've had a lot of people on this show that we've seen change their minds quite a bit. Like, they're out on it, then they're in, they're out, and just, I don't know, I think you change your mind as life goes on.

• 58:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 58:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I wanted to live in New York, so I wanted to live in LA, and I want to live in New York. But Ali Colbert also, just came on the show, talked about it.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Oh my God, she texted me on my way here.

• 58:48Rayna Greenberg?

  She's great.

• 58:49Speaker 03

  She was like, are you going to this event tonight? I'm like, I'm in LA.

• 58:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Aw, yeah, she's wonderful.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  How do you feel about living with a man in a New York City apartment?

• 58:56Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 58:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, do you guys need to get, I find it so fascinating. I've never done it.

• 59:01Speaker 03

  I've done it three times.

• 59:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I'm, I'm just like.

• 59:04Speaker 03

  I love you.

• 59:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nine years, nine years strong, like, do you ever need your space?

• 59:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you know, we moved to LA in 2022. We had a two-bed, two-bath. We were like, oh.

• 59:12Rayna Greenberg?

  You did tell me this.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  And then we got stuck in New York. We kept our apartment and we had subletted it to a friend. And then we got stuck in New York and we're back in our one-bed in New York. Listen, we live in the best area. We have a great building. I love our apartment, but yeah, we need our fucking space. Now that we're like a year back into it, I'm like, remember when we had like rooms? We had like different closets even, like, yeah.

• 59:37Rayna Greenberg?

  We're just in a room. I lived in a studio with a man.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  Oh, no, that, no.

• 59:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I lived in a room with a man.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  A room?

• 59:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  A prison cell.

• 59:45Rayna Greenberg?

  He cheated on me all the time. He was like, you're a dude, paying for living in this room with you. He cheated on you all the time.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Not there.

• 59:51Rayna Greenberg?

  He, he worked at a hotel. He cheated on me all the time. I know, he was that person.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  Oh my God. I lived in a studio with my ex and I always am like, that was probably the end, you know, once you get that one room.

• 59:59Rayna Greenberg?

  The one room.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  I'm like, it's too hot. I can't picture it. It's like, makes me like a hard.

• 1:00:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that like, I moved to New York when I was 22, so like, I was, it's not like I once I could see and now I was blind.

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Or once I was blind, what's the, yep, do you know what I mean? Like, I never, I never lived in.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  Now I can see.

• 1:00:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I never knew anything different. I moved straight there from college, so it wasn't like I had a bunch of space. And I was like, then it was taken away from me like it's gonna be when I move back. So like, it's, I never thought about it.

• 1:00:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:00:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with two different boyfriends. And, I mean, it's still small. I mean, you go and cry in the bathroom. I mean, you just have to cry in the bathroom.

• 1:00:34Speaker 03

  You cry in the bathroom. You have, you know, one's in the living room and one's in the bedroom.

• 1:00:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you guys have like common areas in your building you can go?

• 1:00:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Well, I have like a full building, you know, we've got space.

• 1:00:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think that's like the way to go.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you can, you know, afford it and live in a building with like some common areas to be like, I just got, I can go, I don't have to leave the premises, but I'm gonna just go.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  We're also super codependent after being in lockdown together. So I'm like, even when I leave, I'm like, are you there? And he's like, you were five minutes ago. Like, that's how we were for a while.

• 1:01:03Rayna Greenberg?

  That's really cute.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  It's like psycho though.

• 1:01:05Rayna Greenberg?

  No, it's really cute.

• 1:01:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it's really cute. Do you guys share locations?

• 1:01:08Speaker 03

  No. I've never shared a location with anyone, except my friend Andy.

• 1:01:12Rayna Greenberg?

  We have to talk about this immediately.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Okay, I talked about this the other day with someone.

• 1:01:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who's Andy?

• 1:01:16Speaker 03

  This is so funny. I don't know how this happened. Andy is Jared and my friend, and we love Andy, but for some reason, he's on both of our, we can see Andy's location. And it's like this running joke because we're like, we'll be at dinner and we're like, oh my God, look, Andy's in the area. He doesn't need to live near us. He lives like South Brooklyn. And we're like, like, huh, there's Andy. And he's the only person on my, I don't know how it happened. I think he did it.

• 1:01:38Rayna Greenberg?

  He shared it, is what happened. Wait, what neighborhood do you live in?

• 1:01:40Speaker 03

  Williamsburg.

• 1:01:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, that's what I thought. Williamsburg. Okay, great. I'm gonna guess which building you live in later. But, okay, I want to talk about location sharing. We haven't really talked about this on the show.

• 1:01:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were talking about doing a whole episode about it.

• 1:01:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my God.

• 1:01:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  So it's just never really come up?

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Never come up.

• 1:01:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Where the hell's Jared gonna go?

• 1:01:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course. No, it's not about trust. Like, that's the thing.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  But I do think for some people.

• 1:01:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  For some people, sorry. That's the whole thing. There's just so much nuance and stuff to discuss here. But when we say like, you know it has nothing to do with, you don't trust it. Like, I just think like.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  He can't see my location. I'm like, yeah, I'm on the train. I'm like blow drying my fucking hair, you know?

• 1:02:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the thing. You can't lie.

• 1:02:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, now I have to.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  That's why Raina can't have mine.

• 1:02:14Rayna Greenberg?

  So I have everyone's location. There's almost no ones I don't have, except for Ashley's.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 1:02:20Rayna Greenberg?

  People that I used to date. I have our, all of our business partners' locations.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  You know where everyone is.

• 1:02:25Rayna Greenberg?

  All of our friends. I get all of my, Ashley's the only person I don't share locations with. I share with my family. I share with everybody, except for her, because she won't share hers with me. And I did have yours for a little while. I didn't even tell you this.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Should we do it again?

• 1:02:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you know how I didn't tell, I didn't even tell you this? I hid this from you for a while. This is a big reveal. So one time, you accidentally shared your location on the group chat with me, Jackie and Taylor. Like, we all shared our locations for something and you turned yours off. So it shared it with that group. So every time I wanted to know where you were, I would kind of find that group chat.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  Oh, cuz it was in the chat?

• 1:02:59Rayna Greenberg?

  This went on for like a month and then you turned it off. You must have accidentally turned it off and I was like, damn it.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  I feel honored to be here for this moment. Wow.

• 1:03:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm trying to remember why.

• 1:03:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Cuz you lie about where you are.

• 1:03:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I am working on it. I am late.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Do you share yours with your family?

• 1:03:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, my brother and I have always shared, but it's like, what does it even matter? I mean, sometimes I guess it comes in handy. I like seeing my brothers.

• 1:03:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:03:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  My parents probably, maybe.

• 1:03:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I turned my dad's on.

• 1:03:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh yeah, we do have my parents. We do have my parents cuz you gotta keep track of them and stuff.

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  See what they're up to.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  My parents, my dad, he'll complain if I leave a voicemail. He's like, I don't wanna check that. Don't leave them. I'm like, okay. He only texts if there's like an emergency. We get a text, I'm like, someone died, like something's wrong. Why is he contacting me? You know, so?

• 1:03:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  Location? No.

• 1:03:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I have people that I don't even want them to know I still have it.

• 1:03:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's crazy that you do.

• 1:03:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I only shared it with one person for quite a long time, which was our video guy.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  I'm just picturing you in your apartment with like, you know, just like-

• 1:03:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  The red string.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  The red string. Yeah, like, okay, he's there.

• 1:04:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, she is.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  He doesn't know.

• 1:04:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  You pictured it correctly.

• 1:04:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so it just never came up, which I respect it. Yeah.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  Should I do it tonight? Should I be like?

• 1:04:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and I'm just-

• 1:04:12Speaker 03

  Wanna share locations? It's been nine years.

• 1:04:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can be kinda needy and like I will ask Shashank like, hey, what's near me? Just be, I might need it.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  No, that's me. I'll be like, I'm in an Uber and I'm starving and I don't know where to go, like literally.

• 1:04:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  One time I was like, where's gas close by? And he'll like, help me. Like, he has really handicapped me in that way.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I just rely on him a lot.

• 1:04:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, same.

• 1:04:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I like him knowing where I am and what I'm doing and like guiding me through life. I'm like an independent woman, but-

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  Me too. Okay, we're very similar. When my ex and I broke up, my parents were literally like, who's gonna do the laundry?

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  I was like, fuck you. I know how to do laundry. They're like, you've never done it. He's always done the laundry. That is so funny. Your first thing your parents say, not consoling you. They're like, oh shit, we're going to teach him. Are you gonna be able to eat? Like, do you know where things are?

• 1:05:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I cannot wait till the day that we share location. You know that all of our friends have my location.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  All of them. I can't wait for the day you share location. I'm gonna share mine with you. We'll start tonight. That's it. You're gonna have me as your Andy. Okay, I love this.

• 1:05:15Rayna Greenberg?

  It's also, it's because like every time we go on a trip with somebody, somebody's always just like, where are you? Are you almost here? And I'll just share my location and then it's rude if they don't share it back.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, there's an etiquette to it.

• 1:05:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I gotta get them all. So I've just got them all, except for Ashley.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  We'll revisit it tonight at dinner. We've been together all day. We have to go to dinner again tonight. I'll take a break and get a manicure at some point. All right, want to have some dating emails?

• 1:05:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so you said that a lot of friends come to you because you've been in this long-term relationship. Seems really healthy and stable and for dating advice.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love dating advice.

• 1:05:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  So is this just like, uh, we gotta talk to Anna because she gets it? Like, does this?

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  I think I'm blunt with people.

• 1:05:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I love that.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  So I think like, you know, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. I'm gonna be like, this person doesn't care about you. Like, get rid of them. I don't know. I set people up before too. Everyone I've set up has hooked up. So I'm like a, like, I was like, wait, I know how to get people laid.

• 1:06:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, you should hook me up with somebody.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  But they don't, I will.

• 1:06:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  But they don't date. You know what I mean? Is Andy available?

• 1:06:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Nope.

• 1:06:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  They don't date.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Apparently Andy had a kid recently. Like, he's all over.

• 1:06:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Bummer. Where is he right now?

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  Hold on, let me check.

• 1:06:18Rayna Greenberg?

  That's a funny niche. You were like, everybody I hook up together just sleeps together, but they don't date.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  I used to do this show and it was called The Unemployed Show and it was a live show that I would do every week. And I was like, the matchmaking episodes. And I would pick people that I think would be a good match. And they would come on the show after and report back about the date. And they were always so awkward. And I was like, oh, so you guys fucked? And they were like, and I was like, oh my God. I'm like, are you dating? And they're like, no, I don't think we'll do it again. And I was like, okay, great. Well, I got everyone laid.

• 1:06:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is really funny.

• 1:06:45Rayna Greenberg?

  One fun night. That's you.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  That, that was me.

• 1:06:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you have a sense for people who have sexual chemistry.

• 1:06:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:06:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:06:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, you could toss that my way too.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love that.

• 1:06:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, just throw it my way.

• 1:06:55Speaker 03

  You have to come to New York.

• 1:06:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm there every week.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  She's there. Yeah.

• 1:06:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Always there.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  I know. I like see her get up. I'm like, can we hang out? Where are we eating tonight?

• 1:07:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's like, Anna, how's your location?

• 1:07:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll be there for like two weeks in December. Ashley will be with me.

• 1:07:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I'll be there.

• 1:07:07Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 1:07:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we can all hang out.

• 1:07:09Rayna Greenberg?

  You should come to our holiday show.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. Would love.

• 1:07:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, perfect. Okay, so we're gonna do some of these emails. They're all kind of in the should I break up with them?

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  Great.

• 1:07:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Vain, and you can pick what impression you want to answer them in. No, I'm just kidding. Can you just go right into an impression?

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:07:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, you don't have to.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But if you feel like something's

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  My brain was like, should I bring a wig? Because when I do podcasts, a lot of people are like, do your SNL audition.

• 1:07:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Bring your wig.

• 1:07:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thanks.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Thanks. No, I was like, no, I'm gonna dress cute and have fun. No, it's really, it's up to you. But all right, should we start?

• 1:07:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's just ramp up. So these are real emails that we got from our listeners.

• 1:07:43Speaker 03

  Well, last week's episode was the fake.

• 1:07:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  The fake ones. Yeah.

• 1:07:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I was writing myself emails from ChatGPT fan mail.

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  Okay. I've had an issue with my phone all day. My friend's like, well, let's ask ChatGPT. And I was like, about my iPhone? Like, he was like, I ask everything.

• 1:07:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Just ask.

• 1:07:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Everything.

• 1:07:59Speaker 03

  I never do it.

• 1:08:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't do it. I really want to rely on my own brain and my own creativity. But when I do ask a stuff, I have to tell you, the candle from the wedding that I was like, I need a cute, I also don't have it, so my make sure John do it.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  I don't have either.

• 1:08:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I'm like, I'll be like, babe, can you ask ChatGPT? This is my neediness and my code of dependency. I'm like, babe, can you ask ChatGPT what's a cute slogan for a custom candle with our dog for the wedding gift bags? And they wrote out for better or for worse.

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  That wasn't even me.

• 1:08:27Rayna Greenberg?

  So I told her, like, I don't, I don't think ChatGPT can write comedy, and I don't think that I'd be surprised themselves in doing comedy would have them write jokes. But it's great for thought starters. It's great to like, do you write me a slogan? I used it to write some copy for our Vibes Only website. Like, it's great for that.

• 1:08:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  It really is.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  I did ask my mom, what should I wear to this event I was going to? And she goes, ask ChatGPT. I go, I'm sorry, what?

• 1:08:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Your mom?

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Your mom's like, you're so old.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  My tennis friends and I, we ask it all the time. When we have an email, we don't want to write back. We just ask it to do it. And I was like, what?

• 1:08:56Rayna Greenberg?

  100%. Yes. I do therapy on it.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  Wow. Chat GPT therapy.

• 1:09:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can you talk dirty to it?

• 1:09:03Rayna Greenberg?

  So there's a couple of parameters. It won't be super sexual.

• 1:09:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Will it be sort of sexual?

• 1:09:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Is it like, I talk dirty to Siri, I like test her, you know, well, be like, hey Siri, or like,

• 1:09:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  What are you wearing?

• 1:09:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Chat GPT, they'll say this crosses the bounds. Like sometimes if I use a provides only stuff, it will say this is too far. Also, I tried to get it to change the background on this photo of mine the other day, and it said this like materially changes the photo and we can't alter images of people like this.

• 1:09:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  But could you say like, give me a sexy compliment?

• 1:09:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but it won't be like, I want to eat that pussy.

• 1:09:35Speaker 03

  Your hair is shining.

• 1:09:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Like you can say like, punch it up more, make it spicier, but there is like a limit.

• 1:09:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just want to test the limit. And if it's like, you know, you look really good in that dress. It's like, well, how about my tits? Like make it try to get it there.

• 1:09:48Rayna Greenberg?

  They look perky.

• 1:09:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  You'll test it out.

• 1:09:49Rayna Greenberg?

  It would probably say they look perky.

• 1:09:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like a PG version.

• 1:09:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It's pretty, yeah.

• 1:09:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Okay. So this email was titled, Help, my partner's hygiene is coming between us. She says, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 29, for seven months now, and everything is going wonderfully. I really believe I found my life partner. There's just one thing, his lack of personal hygiene can be a turnoff, can be a turnoff, says. He showers a couple of times per week, and he has extreme levels of dandruff. It doesn't seem like he cleans his ears and he'll poke around in there. Where?

• 1:10:21Rayna Greenberg?

  What is it?

• 1:10:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then, and then touch me. His oral health standards are lacking and could stand to wash his hands more regularly, especially after a day out around the city with me. He'll do an activity like rock climbing or biking and then not feel the need to shower after.

• 1:10:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley made me keep this in. I was like, this makes me sick.

• 1:10:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I thought she was gonna say and fingers me after, which would be a hard line.

• 1:10:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, it was, that's not as bad as getting in the bed.

• 1:10:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. She says, the last thing I want to do is have this conversation and offend or embarrass him, but I do wish something would change, especially because it's impacting how attracted I am to him and how physically close I want to be or can stand to be. How do I communicate my feelings compassionately without hurting his feelings? I appreciate any advice you can give me.

• 1:11:03Rayna Greenberg?

  This will get you laid more. That's what you say to him. I would love to suck your dick more. Here's how you can help yourself.

• 1:11:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  This really

• 1:11:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Please take a shower.

• 1:11:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  This really is tough, like, because it's such a lifestyle, like, showers a couple times a week. Like, how do you get someone that does that to shower daily?

• 1:11:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  That seems like a huge jump.

• 1:11:22Rayna Greenberg?

  So as someone who doesn't like to shower.

• 1:11:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I will say, I, I shower daily. I don't want to. I hate being wet and I hate being cold, but I do it because I want the people around me not to talk about me. Like, I want people to think that it's nice to have me around. I smell nice. That I've like brushed my teeth and cleaned my ears. Like, yeah, I miss COVID all the time. I miss not having to shower or do anything, but I live in society and I have to.

• 1:11:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Rayna Greenberg?

  And I, listen, I'm trying to like make fun of him, but like, this is just like cleanliness standards for.

• 1:11:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Also, the way she writes his email, it's, is acting like it's like an emotional problem and it's like, it's not. When you're like compatible with someone, you want to live with someone, like, those are important things. If this person's not going to shower and then get in your bed every night, like, that's disgusting.

• 1:12:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  After a rock climbing, you know, afternoon.

• 1:12:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  After physical activity, like, that's the thing. And, you know, I am obviously in a relationship where we would be like, hey, you smell, or your, your ears, or your, your breath, or whatever. Like, we're super open and we were pretty early on. I don't know where they're at seven months in. I mean, I don't know what their relationship is like and how open it is, but I would kind of be like, doesn't it feel so good to like be clean? Or, you know, like, you could drop some things about how you like to be clean, but I would start, I would start with the like, babe, I love you, but when you're outside all day and you're rock climbing and biking, like, it's physical activity, like, you know, you gotta shower.

• 1:12:44Speaker 03

  101.

• 1:12:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, I would, like, don't make him feel.

• 1:12:47Speaker 03

  If you really think this person is your, she said soulmate, life partner, like, you should be able to be honest. You could say it in a non-mean way. Like, hey, I love you so much, but.

• 1:12:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  You smell.

• 1:12:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:13:00Speaker 03

  And I want to, yeah, I want to.

• 1:13:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  The dandruff and that's so fixable with Selsun Blue or Head and Shoulders or just washing your hair at all. Like, what is he doing? He's just not washing his hair.

• 1:13:12Rayna Greenberg?

  This is just a net positive for him in all areas. He would get laid more, she'd be more attracted to him. I mean, professionally, it's better. I don't know what he does for work, but I think that people want to be around people that like smell nice. Who cares how you dress if you have bad teeth or a bad haircut, but like, people want you to look kempt, you know?

• 1:13:30Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, if you say something, what's he gonna say? Like, no, I'm good. And then you have to make the decision like, I guess I can't handle this. I can't live with a person who does.

• 1:13:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm surprised she's got this far.

• 1:13:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I am too.

• 1:13:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, it makes me wonder if this is real.

• 1:13:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 1:13:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is ChatGPT.

• 1:13:45Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 1:13:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Does he, who is in his life? Does he have a sister? Does he have a friend? Like, how is a girlfriend, like platonic friend, never brought this up?

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  No, that would have been three weeks of like, being like, wait, he hasn't showered.

• 1:13:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't, like, a boss never brought this up? Like, I feel like there's, yeah, but like, okay, you and I haven't worked in an office in a long time, but like, I feel like at some point, like, an office manager will be like, hey.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  Right, people are talking.

• 1:14:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, people are talking. Like, does he go home to her parents' house for dinner with her? Like, I, this is like a real deal breaker for me. And I don't know how he could respond. I know he could respond negatively because he's insulted, but like, hey, I'd be more attracted to you.

• 1:14:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But here's the thing, I, this is, to me, stuff like this is not insulting because it's fixable and it's not personal. You always have bad breath, you might have halitosis, that's different, but you smell because you're not showering is a quick fix.

• 1:14:39Rayna Greenberg?

  You're right. It's not about who you are as a person.

• 1:14:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, it's not at all.

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  It's like helping you get better hygiene. It's, you know?

• 1:14:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  Every girl likes to turn, like, hello, I threw my ex-boyfriend's shoes out because I didn't like them. And I was like, I don't know, they must have just gone missing.

• 1:14:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so weird.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  I threw those shoes out. I'm like, I guess we have to go buy you a new sneakers.

• 1:14:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, these were turning me off. I couldn't look at these.

• 1:15:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how she lasted this long. I'm so fascinated. I'm curious what he does for work. I'm curious what her hygiene habits are like.

• 1:15:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Because I think a lot of my, like,

• 1:15:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Girlfriends shower twice a day. Like, I can't imagine them being with somebody that showers twice a week. Well, and he doesn't wash his hands. Is he fingering her? Like, I just can't stop thinking about him and his grubby hands. She can say, this is like, something I care about. Yeah, sorry. Do this for me. Make it about you. Yes. I love when people are just cleaner. Oh, I thought you meant like, babe, sorry, I'm just a little OCD. I like to shower every day. But it's just my, it's my weird thing. Maybe she should invite him to shower with her. Shower with her, absolutely. I was wondering that. Yes, he should always be, she probably did try this a bunch of times. Like, wouldn't it be so sexy if we showered together? Well, I would like to know that. That's my big question for her. Have you tried to get him in the shower with you when he comes home from rock climbing all day? He just rock climbs and gets in the bed. No, no, no, no.

• 1:15:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I won't get off a plane and touch my bed. I won't get off, I don't even like to wear outside clothing, like, in, on my couch. I change when I get home. Yeah, okay, let's. All right, well, good luck, sis. Yeah, good luck. Let us know how it goes. Be honest with him. It's for his own good. Totally. And again, this is not, it's personal, but it's not, because it's so, it's a quick fix. It's just. Totally agree. Yeah, you don't have to say, I'm not attracted to you when you do that. You could just say, hey, you know what I would love? Yeah, slip some Q-tips. Yeah. In his hand. See how you do with these. So good. Okay, I'll do the next one. The subject line is, my boyfriend is insecure and it's giving me the ick. So my boyfriend, we'll call him Mike, and I started dating in May 2025. We've known each other for almost 10 years. As we went to high school together, but we're always friends.

• 1:16:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mike got out of a serious relationship in November 2024 after finding out his fiance was cheating on him. Okay, so let's just, he has some backstory and some trust issues. Fast forward to January, I'm living in Alabama, he's living in Wisconsin. We're both from there. He slides into my DMs, we start chatting. I'm adamant, I don't want a relationship because of distance. We're old friends catching up. Catching feelings is what did happen. By March, I landed a new job back in Wisconsin. I'm planning on moving back in May. Still not dating at this point. He visits me at the end of April. It's a great weekend. May rolls around, he moves me back and asks me to be his girlfriend. That was a long journey. But, whoa, anyway, if you guys kept up. You're still here. Yeah.

• 1:17:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  You made it this far in the email. Me doing the math, I'm like. I just had a stroke. May. Okay, so, all that to say they're dating.

• 1:17:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, if I'm blacking out.

• 1:17:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, and I was like, Wisconsin? Oh, my God. Okay.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Where is that in relation to Alabama?

• 1:17:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  She writes present tense, which is literally all we needed, sis. But anyway.

• 1:17:28Rayna Greenberg?

  She's not a journalist.

• 1:17:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Maybe she is. She's like, you need to know the timeline. She said, I changed my wallpaper from a picture of Mike and I to a picture of me and my sister. Mike saw a Facebook profile picture in his suggestion friends that was me and my ex, because my ex apparently never changed it. Now Mike believes I'm cheating on him. So I guess those two things together.

• 1:17:48Rayna Greenberg?

  She changed the wallpaper on her phone.

• 1:17:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  At the same time that he saw like her ex, whatever. He said, I don't want to be the guy you give your final rose to. Like, I'm the Bachelorette.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:18:01Speaker 03

  All right, insert Bachelor reference.

• 1:18:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. We tried talking about it, but he continued to interrupt me and say how he doesn't trust me or have confidence in our relationship. I've never cheated on Mike. I love him. I thought we were gonna get married. It was a premature thought. I see that now. If I was a cheater, I feel like this is a safe space and I'd share. Not sure if you ever see this, but just a girlie trying to figure out if I should dump him or ride out the relationship.

• 1:18:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Listen, I think we all bring our own insecurities to relationships and it's okay to start to unpack those things early and say, here's my boundaries, here's what makes me feel uncomfortable, as long as it's communicated in a respectful way, right?

• 1:18:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure.

• 1:18:32Rayna Greenberg?

  And if I all of a sudden saw that the person I was dating had changed their phone wallpaper and the person that was allegedly their ex still had them as a photo and a social media platform. I don't know who's going on Facebook, but that's okay. I would have some questions, but like those two things like on the same day. But I wouldn't break up with somebody for it. It's okay to like have that conversation. What? What are you thinking?

• 1:18:54Speaker 03

  I think, yeah, if you have to write, should I ride it out? And it's only been since May?

• 1:18:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  That's rough early. You're supposed to still be in your like fucking honeymoon phase. You're like, we love each other. I don't know. I feel like clearly he has insecurities. He had a fiance cheat on him, right? But like, girl.

• 1:19:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's unfortunate that his mind immediately goes to like, you're cheating on me.

• 1:19:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:19:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I would still be like, you know, you changed your photo and someone else still has a photo of you as their background. Like, what's going on here? But immediately jumping to, you're cheating on me.

• 1:19:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's hard. I think like, if you like this guy, like, you know, you don't have to be so serious right now. He clearly just got out of a thing, like, an engagement.

• 1:19:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, how old are they? I'm gonna guess they're pretty young.

• 1:19:39Speaker 03

  We've known each other for almost 10 years together as we went to high school together, so probably late twenties.

• 1:19:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. I mean, I think it's trying to validate the feeling and I would hope somebody would just accept my answer at face value and move on. If he presses you and it becomes an issue and it's like, you're a cheater, even though I did nothing to prove to you that I'm cheating on you.

• 1:19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I think if, is this a conversation, hey, the wallpaper thing was just purely a coincidence with this Facebook photo I have no control over.

• 1:20:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's it? And is he gonna respond, I'm sorry, you know what I went through, I'm triggered and I apologize and I'll do better to not be so jealous, then just clock it and keep it moving? But this could be a pattern.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  So she can decide that for herself.

• 1:20:22Speaker 03

  It's also, didn't she move cities to be with this guy?

• 1:20:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  She got a job.

• 1:20:25Speaker 03

  She's clearly not, you know, with the other person still.

• 1:20:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  So she's showing her commitment.

• 1:20:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:20:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I can cheat on you when your picture is my phone background still. I didn't need to change my phone background to cheat on you.

• 1:20:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, so he's, that, I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking about, your mind would go there.

• 1:20:42Rayna Greenberg?

  That's when he's equating the two together.

• 1:20:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Got it. Okay, she changed it so she could cheat. Okay.

• 1:20:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  The wallpaper's another interesting conversation, like, because Shashank and I have had pictures of each other for a while now and I don't know, what if someone changed it? It might be like, oh, I wouldn't think anything of it, but I'd be like, well, why'd you do that?

• 1:21:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, so it was previously the two of them?

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  Mine's my dog, always.

• 1:21:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was my dog, our dog, I guess now technically.

• 1:21:09Speaker 03

  Mine's my dead dog. Actually, both of ours is our dead dog.

• 1:21:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why is her dog?

• 1:21:12Speaker 03

  My dead dog. And then it was my alive dog. Cause I felt weird having him with the dead.

• 1:21:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I always have him on my phone. People is like, is that your dog? He's so cute. And I go.

• 1:21:20Speaker 03

  My dead dog.

• 1:21:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have your dead dog and you have two new dogs.

• 1:21:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:21:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I felt bad for Azul, that he'd be like, why is Dewey on the phone screen? And I was just.

• 1:21:31Speaker 03

  Cause I always say, you're beautiful, but you are not the king. You know, the king gets the phone real.

• 1:21:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  King of my heart.

• 1:21:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, so was he previously her phone wallpaper and she changed it to?

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, from a picture of Mike and her to a picture of her and her sister.

• 1:21:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I would have, I would ask, but I would ask him like, uh, come on.

• 1:21:47Speaker 03

  Maybe he doesn't shower. No.

• 1:21:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. Where's the hygiene in all this? Her and her sister is interesting. Cause to me, it's partner or dog.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Rayna Greenberg?

  My phone background would be me and Rayna. Would yours be you and your sister? No, it's your dog.

• 1:21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's my dog. Always. Or me, you know?

• 1:22:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you can have the conversation. I think it's fine if he dresses it. I think if he presses it any further, I don't know. I don't want to be like harassed about what my phone background is.

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's so petty.

• 1:22:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. Has anybody even been on Facebook in the last 10 years? That guy could have just like never updated his photo.

• 1:22:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, some people aren't good at that. My ex, if you scroll like three times, I'm on there. He's married with two kids, but you could find me before you find his wife.

• 1:22:24Rayna Greenberg?

  We know people like that too.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they just don't go on. You don't care.

• 1:22:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I know this guy, his last two girlfriends are still on there. He's married.

• 1:22:31Speaker 03

  Right, with a kid on the way.

• 1:22:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you don't even have to scroll that far. They're just all there.

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  I never like wiped my old Facebook or Instagram, you know, I'm like, whatever.

• 1:22:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, we're gonna end with a really funny one.

• 1:22:41Speaker 03

  Okay. Now I'm like, are people gonna roast me for my phone screen? Are most people having their partners on there?

• 1:22:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  We just have really good professional photos.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  They have, they're kids.

• 1:22:49Rayna Greenberg?

  People have.

• 1:22:50Speaker 03

  You have your nephew. They have kids, dogs.

• 1:22:53Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I stopped doing that. It got a little weird.

• 1:22:54Speaker 03

  What is it now?

• 1:22:54Rayna Greenberg?

  There's just like a bald baby on my phone.

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  Actually, my home screen, you'll love this. That's my dog who passed away. My sweet Bobby Flay, angel of my life.

• 1:23:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, you call him Bobby Flay?

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  Bobby Flay.

• 1:23:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you know Bobby Flay?

• 1:23:07Speaker 03

  I've been to his house, he's like cooked for me. We went to the same vet for 14 years, so we know of each other. And I've met him a couple of times.

• 1:23:14Rayna Greenberg?

  And does he know you named the dog?

• 1:23:15Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, he does.

• 1:23:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my god.

• 1:23:18Speaker 03

  Cause Nacho would go to the same vet.

• 1:23:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:23:20Speaker 03

  As my Bobby Flay. And they'd always be like, oh my god, he just called. Like, they would think I'm his assistant. The best is when I'd call and I'd be like, Bobby Flay has the Red Rocket staring at me. I don't know what to do. I do this on the stage and they'll be like, I'm sorry, what? And I'm like, his boner. What, how do I get rid of it?

• 1:23:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, so would you call Bobby, would you call your dog Bobby Flay or Bobby?

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  Always Bobby. Bobby Flay, B Flay. I mean, we call him Bobby sometimes. Oh, my phone background's my dead grandmother. Actually, it's really just a memorial, my phone.

• 1:23:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Dead people. There's a few ashes sprinkled in the back.

• 1:23:53Speaker 03

  Well, it was like, I probably made this collage of my grandma when she died and I just never changed it.

• 1:23:58Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you're like, you could be on my phone screen, but you have to die first.

• 1:24:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, after, it's a way to remember you.

• 1:24:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you, okay, you did Jeremy Jakobowitz's like bagel thing that I also did.

• 1:24:07Speaker 03

  I don't want to do it, he hasn't asked. Oh my god.

• 1:24:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Ask him, he would love to have you.

• 1:24:10Speaker 03

  You gotta do it.

• 1:24:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Um, I think you outscored him.

• 1:24:11Speaker 03

  Super low.

• 1:24:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you, oh, I outscored you. Okay, great. Did you guys talk about Bobby Flay?

• 1:24:15Speaker 03

  No, we didn't.

• 1:24:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Jeremy worked for Bobby Flay for years. That's how I met Bobby Flay. So I ended up at his house for dinner and hung out with the Maine Coons.

• 1:24:22Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:24:22Rayna Greenberg?

  That's Bobby Flay. Okay.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  Maine Coons trip me out. We've never hung out, but we know each other. I used to work in restaurants when I first graduated, like, for a bunch of chefs and stuff, so.

• 1:24:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you guys should talk about that. Okay, last email.

• 1:24:34Speaker 03

  I'm scared.

• 1:24:35Rayna Greenberg?

  The title is Too Well Endowed.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:24:37Rayna Greenberg?

  So, my boyfriend is amazing. He's all the things you guys always say I should be looking for. He supports me, he adores me, he's truly a king, but he also is extremely aggressively unnecessarily well endowed.

• 1:24:47Speaker 03

  Unnecessarily is a wild. There are a bunch of women just being like, well, great, I'm gonna crash my car now, fuck that. Everything's perfect and he has a big dick. Okay, keep going.

• 1:24:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I feel like I need to stretch and hydrate before we hook up.

• 1:25:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Seriously, it's gotten to the point where I'm nervous to have sex because even with all the foreplay in the world, it is still a whole situation. We tried different positions. We tried going slow. We've tried lube and I want to have sex with him. I'm super attracted to him, but my body is like, absolutely not. I feel ridiculous even typing this because who complains about this, but I'm genuinely worried. Is it a reason to end an otherwise incredible relationship if the sex is painful more often than not? And if not, help me because right now I feel like I'm dating someone whose equipment is unmanageable.

• 1:25:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I want you to noodle on who you'd like to answer this as.

• 1:25:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh.

• 1:25:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  It would be fast.

• 1:25:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Answer it is all of them.

• 1:25:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Chris Jenner.

• 1:25:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:25:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, by the way. I'm trying to find my glasses. Okay. This just happened with a celebrity who I thought it was Haley Bailey, who was Little Mermaid, but it's another celebrity named Haley Bailey.

• 1:25:49Rayna Greenberg?

  That's her Instagram handle. Her actual name is Haley Calley, I think is her actual last name. You've seen her. She's like this long red hair. She's super beautiful. She's married to this football player.

• 1:25:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:25:59Rayna Greenberg?

  She said that they ended up breaking up because he had like Coke, like a Coke can for a dick.

• 1:26:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but they got married.

• 1:26:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, they got married.

• 1:26:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Haley Bailey. Yeah, they call her, oh, that's her handle.

• 1:26:09Rayna Greenberg?

  That's her handle.

• 1:26:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Said her ex-husband's dick, who he's this NFL player, was too big. But I mean, they got married, which is interesting.

• 1:26:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so is it a reason to break up with somebody and then we'll give advice?

• 1:26:20Speaker 01

  First of all, congratulations. I mean, there are people all over the world who would love to have a giant dick inside of them. And you're talking to the right doctor, you know. I, I've been with Corey now 10 years. He was a trainer, you know. So I saw it right through those little mesh shorts. And I thought, doll, I could change your life. I really could. And, and you know, when I brought Corey home, Kimberly and Chloe, they were so worried. They said, Mom, Bruce was not, you know, Corey sized. And I have to say, at first,

• 1:27:04Speaker 01

  it's daunting. It is, you know, but you gotta take it like a, it's like taking a shot. You get better over time. You really, you know, and, and you gotta just say to yourself, look in the mirror every day and stretch it out.

• 1:27:19Speaker 01

  And look down at your vagina and you say, you're doing amazing, sweetie.

• 1:27:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my God, no, it's insane.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  Maybe you can stick a football in there, you know, give her a little.

• 1:27:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my God.

• 1:27:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Also, the best family to answer this in general, just.

• 1:27:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Ray J.

• 1:27:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I say, go Kylie, go shove it up there.

• 1:27:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  This family became famous because of the biggest dick I've ever seen. I remember watching that sex tape and I could not believe it. Both of Kim's hands were on it and there was space between her hands.

• 1:27:52Speaker 01

  Why do you think I put it out there? I knew a star when I saw.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  Kim looked great, but.

• 1:28:00Speaker 03

  You know who the star of that video was?

• 1:28:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my God.

• 1:28:09Rayna Greenberg?

  You do it without breaking either. You really just go straight through. I was trying to not like, look at you. I didn't want to make you laugh.

• 1:28:15Speaker 01

  I'll look straight at the camera. Shove a dick inside doll.

• 1:28:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was like, where's the doll?

• 1:28:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Football.

• 1:28:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, but real talk, I mean.

• 1:28:27Speaker 03

  Real talk, back to being real girls.

• 1:28:29Rayna Greenberg?

  There are some things you can do, but I feel for.

• 1:28:34Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, like, ask like a doctor or a sex therapist even like in this, if you really like the person, like, there's gotta be a way, you know?

• 1:28:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I wonder what he has done with previous partners because like, I'm assuming this has been a problem. I dated one person and it was just so big that like, it was hard for me to like have an orgasm because I was like in pain always. I definitely, I could like pretty much only take it in missionary, like even on Top Her, Doggy was out of the question.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  Experience too. And then this guy, I also was like, he's so confident, but he's like, he liked to comment. I was like, why is he so cocky? And then I was like, oh, yeah, I get it.

• 1:29:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like Mr. Cocky on Sex and the City. I mean. I love that guy for Samantha.

• 1:29:16Speaker 03

  I was like, I can't, I can't.

• 1:29:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I would have sex in missionary and I would enjoy that. I just couldn't get like really creative.

• 1:29:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I feel for anyone who is dealing with an issue that causes pain during sex. Obviously a huge dick is going to be painful. Any woman who experiences pain for whatever reason, I feel for, because you should look forward to it and there's only so much you can do. I mean, you can train a little bit. I mean, you train your butthole to have anal, like you can use bigger dildos. You can really try, but there's a point where it truly is just. Too big and I don't have the answers. I mean, are you guys having good foreplay? Or can he eat pussy? And is there other stuff you can do? And then you can just try to.

• 1:29:55Speaker 03

  Try it.

• 1:29:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you don't want to do something against your will either. I mean, lube is going to be your best friend. And just if you really think it's a long-term partner, you need to practice with some dildos.

• 1:30:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't want it to end if everything else is great.

• 1:30:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know me either.

• 1:30:09Speaker 03

  Cause that's like, someone else would literally be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, get it together, you know?

• 1:30:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, if this guy and I could ever be in the same room for three days and not have a fight, I just like, I don't know what I would have done because I was so attracted to him. I like want him so badly. But like, I couldn't take it.

• 1:30:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I had a lot of guys that I've slept with that had big dicks, but.

• 1:30:31Speaker 03

  How many?

• 1:30:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you know, you know. But the biggest one I ever saw, he came home, we started hooking up. And when I tell you, like, it tumbled out of his pants. And I was like, absolutely not. Like, I don't know how you got through the door with that. Like, it was crazy. And I, we didn't have sex. I never saw a dick that big.

• 1:30:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I used to joke on stage, it was like a slinky going down the stairs. It just like kept coming. It like unfolded multiple times. I'd never seen them like, he was our basketball center when I was at Clemson. And I didn't do it. Like, it wasn't worth it. I wasn't, we weren't going to date.

• 1:31:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was like, we can just cuddle.

• 1:31:06Speaker 03

  That was kind of the guy, when I, I was like, it's so massive.

• 1:31:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  But who's fucking this guy?

• 1:31:10Speaker 03

  And I didn't like it. And then I like got a UTI after SoulCycle and I was like, he's ruining my exercise now. I can't, I can't do this.

• 1:31:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there was a guy I remember having sex with, like, off, some guy I met off Tinder one night in Atlanta. And I just, the pain the next day. Like, I don't like that feeling in my pussy that it's like sore. I feel it like in my stomach. Like, you're just like, he would like look down at me during sex and I would be like, like biting my lip. It was like so bad. So you could talk to your doctor. Foreplay, obviously it opens up your vagina.

• 1:31:42Speaker 03

  You have to try hard. You have to work a little harder.

• 1:31:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Prep for it.

• 1:31:45Speaker 03

  Want to hook up with this person.

• 1:31:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  And try your best.

• 1:31:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Have him go down on you. If you can have an orgasm before sex, it will just like open all that up. Totally. Lots of lube. That's a good call. I mean, we have babies. We don't.

• 1:31:57Speaker 03

  We don't.

• 1:31:58Rayna Greenberg?

  None of us do.

• 1:31:59Speaker 03

  No, we don't, but we've seen it.

• 1:32:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Some people, we know it does happen.

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  That happens, yeah.

• 1:32:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it hurts apparently. So, good luck out there.

• 1:32:06Speaker 03

  Oh, just let him finger you and be like, I love you.

• 1:32:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just go to bed.

• 1:32:11Speaker 03

  Can you fit in your mouth?

• 1:32:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just have him finger you while he jerks off.

• 1:32:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, and slap him a sleeping pill. Take a shower together, maybe try it in the shower.

• 1:32:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I actually was like watching our friend Giulio Colorado. I got served this like clip of his yesterday and he's talking about how like, he doesn't understand how like it's, the shower is like hot and wet, but it's like sandpaper, like I can't have sex in there.

• 1:32:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, don't do it in the shower, because dicks get bigger in the shower.

• 1:32:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Really? Yeah, you want it in the cold.

• 1:32:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I guess if it's hard, whatever, but when Chonky comes out of the shower, I'm like, oh.

• 1:32:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I'm never horny here.

• 1:32:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you want a cold dick.

• 1:32:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, right, they should be having sex like

• 1:32:46Rayna Greenberg?

  In a cold one.

• 1:32:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Outside.

• 1:32:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:32:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the winter.

• 1:32:49Speaker 03

  Go find the bleachers at the football field. Take a little, I don't know, get high, maybe.

• 1:32:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, get, that's a great idea.

• 1:32:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Break haul.

• 1:32:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I, when I get high, I'm so horny.

• 1:32:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, edibles.

• 1:32:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:32:59Speaker 03

  But like, yeah, but and maybe the pain will be, you know, you'll feel it as much.

• 1:33:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love this, take a ski trip with some edibles.

• 1:33:06Speaker 03

  Take a ski trip. Do it on a mountain, stoned out of your mind.

• 1:33:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now, how much can we shrink this dick?

• 1:33:14Speaker 03

  All right, well, we solved it.

• 1:33:17Rayna Greenberg?

  You're amazing.

• 1:33:18Speaker 03

  Oh, God, I love you guys. Thank you so much for having me. I was like, we're gonna be real friends. They don't know yet, but.

• 1:33:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  We know.

• 1:33:23Rayna Greenberg?

  We are, and can you tell everybody like where to follow you? I knew you have a show coming up at Joe's Pub. Tell people when it is, all the things.

• 1:33:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can find me anywhere, Anna Roisman, A-N-N-A-R-O-I-S-M-A-N. And I'm doing my one woman show, it's called Triple Threat, and it's gonna be January 7th at Joe's Pub.

• 1:33:40Rayna Greenberg?

  And where can people get tickets?

• 1:33:41Speaker 03

  Tickets are on sale, they'll find in my Instagram.

• 1:33:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:33:43Speaker 03

  Or my website, yeah, wherever.

• 1:33:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, that venue is really fun.

• 1:33:46Speaker 03

  It's the best. I love it. I love doing shows there.

• 1:33:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, fun, okay.

• 1:33:50Speaker 03

  I wish we were gonna be in town.

• 1:33:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, if you guys aren't following her, what are you doing? So, get on it, go to your show, maybe we'll be there.

• 1:33:55Speaker 03

  Thanks, I love you guys.

• 1:33:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and you guys know where to find us, girlsgottaeat.com. We will see you at our holiday show in New York, maybe you can come. That's December 13th, so get tickets. Girls Got to Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess, Raina is Raina dot Greenberg. Subscribe on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Pick up our Vibes Only toys and help stretch out your vagina if you're dealing with a guy with too big a dick. Or a lube. And we'll see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.