Inner Excellence: How to Build Inner Stability Under Pressure | Jim Murphy – EP 721

What if peak performance isn’t created by intensity, control, or relentless self-pressure, but by inner stability? In this powerful episode of Passion Struck, Jim Murphy, performance coach to elite athletes and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Inner Excellence, joins the show to explore what truly sustains excellence under pressure. Many listeners first encountered Inner Excellence when A. J. Brown was shown reading it on the NFL sideline during a playoff game. That moment sparked a national conversation—but Jim’s work has been shaping elite performers quietly for years. In this conversation, John and Jim examine the inner architecture that allows people to remain grounded when the stakes are high. Jim explains how fear, ego, and self-centered thinking destabilize performance, and how cultivating love, wisdom, and courage creates inner freedom that carries across athletics, leadership, parenting, and everyday life. Rather than focusing on tactics or motivation, this episode centers on the internal conditions that allow clarity, presence, and sustained performance to emerge. It offers a framework for anyone seeking excellence that endures—without burnout, anxiety, or collapse under pressure. If you’ve ever wondered why success alone doesn’t steady the inner world—or how to remain anchored when everything is on the line—this conversation offers a path inward. Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/inner-excellence-jim-murphy/Download a Free Companion Workbook: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/jim-murphy-inner-excellence-pressureConnect with JohnKeynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_MilesPre-order the Children’s BookYou Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Learn More About Jim MurphyWebsite & newsletter: https://innerexcellence.com/Book: Inner Excellence: Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible LifeAvailable wherever books are sold. In This Episode, You Will LearnWhat Inner Excellence really means and why inner stability precedes peak performanceWhy fear escalates under pressure and how “fear of fear” disrupts clarity and presenceHow ego destabilizes performance by creating self-centered thinking and internal noiseThe three pillars of Inner Excellence: love, wisdom, and courageWhy the heart plays a central role in sustained performance and fulfillmentHow elite athletes remain grounded when expectations, scrutiny, and stakes riseHow to apply Inner Excellence beyond sports—in leadership, relationships, and daily lifeWhat creates excellence that endures rather than collapses under pressureSupport the MovementEvery human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.comDisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional. Connect with John Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/Book John to...

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00John R. Miles?

  Coming up next on Passion Struck.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Fear is where you're in self-protection. You're concerned what other people are thinking and will I fail? And so that life diamond is just saying, look, the default is if you don't do anything, you're going to go towards fear. That's human nature. You're going to start thinking about yourself. You're going to think about everything you want but can't control. You're going to start comparing yourself to others. Your subconscious mind is going to remind you of all your failures and weaknesses, and you're going to move towards anxiety and fear. So you need a clear intentional plan and path to live an extraordinary life. And that path is based on the three most powerful resources, I believe, in the universe is love, wisdom, and courage.

• 0:40John R. Miles?

  Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week, I sit down with changemakers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing to live like you matter.

• 1:28John R. Miles?

  Hey, friends, and welcome back to episode 721. We're continuing our series, The Meaning Makers, an exploration of how meaning is formed, tested, and sustained under pressure. In recent episodes, we've been tracing how performance environments shape the inner life. With Alex Emes, we examined the winner's curse, how success under competitive conditions can quietly distort judgment and long-term decision-making. Last week with Shana Pearson, we explored invisible ADHD and how unseen cognitive strain erodes self-trust, identity, and emotional regulation over time. And then last Thursday with Robin Kaczynski, we returned to the family system. For regulation, safety, and belonging, first take root.

• 2:13John R. Miles?

  Today, we move into a different but essential structure, the inner discipline of excellence. Now, if you've been following me for a while, you know I'm a diehard Philadelphia Eagles fan. And like many of you, I was watching that playoff game last year when A.J. Brown, one of the best wide receivers in the league, was shown sitting on the sidelines reading a book. That book, Inner Excellence: Praying Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible Life by Jim Murphy. I was fascinated. What kind of book captures an athlete's attention in the middle of a playoff game? So I picked it up. And what I found wasn't just a book about sports performance, it was a guide to living with courage, wisdom, and love.

• 2:55John R. Miles?

  Framework for aligning who you are on the inside with how you show up when the pressure is on. That's why I wanted Jim Murphy on the show. Jim is a performance coach to professional athletes, Olympians, and top executives. In this conversation, we explore why the greatest battle you face isn't out there, it's inside. How fear, the critic, and the monkey mind sabotage performance. Why the heart, not the mind, is the true source of extraordinary results. And how to align your life with the three pillars of inner excellence: love, wisdom, and courage. If you've ever felt stuck, anxious, or you're like the ball in the game of pinball, today's episode is for you. Before we begin, a brief note.

• 3:38John R. Miles?

  If you're interested in this broader work around visibility, worth, and mattering, including how these ideas translate across generations, you can learn more about my upcoming children's book, You Matter Luma, at YouMatterLuma.com. And if this episode resonates, please consider sharing it or leaving a five-star review. Your support helps these conversations reach the people they're meant for. Now, let's continue The Meaning Makers with Jim Murphy. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

• 4:16John R. Miles?

  I'm absolutely thrilled today to have Jim Murphy on Passion Struck. Welcome Jim, how are you today?

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Thanks, John. Great. Thanks for having me.

• 4:24John R. Miles?

  For those of you who aren't watching this on YouTube, Jim immediately hit a bond with me when I saw the jersey he was wearing. And at first, I thought it was a Cubs jersey. Turns out, it's a Phillies jersey. And being from around that area and loving the Phillies, immediate bond. But you're wearing it because you just had the opportunity to do something I could only dream of. You just got to do what for the Phillies?

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Throughout the first pitch last week, it was quite an honor.

• 4:54John R. Miles?

  Man, that is awesome. Who were they playing?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  The Mets. Yeah, big game, big series.

• 5:01John R. Miles?

  Big series. I'm hoping the Phillies go the whole way. They are not well liked here where I'm in Tampa, because the Rays fans feel like they cost us our best opportunity of winning a World Series a while back when the Phillies beat us. But I, not only do I love the Phillies and spring training and everything else, but I live right by their spring training facility. So it's such a treat to get to have that part of the year with them. Well, being a huge Philadelphia sports fan, I like every single Eagles sports fan, was completely blown away by the whole A.J. Brown sideline, a fact that happened. How

• 5:44John R. Miles?

  was your life changed from that moment?

• 5:47Speaker 01

  John, it's changed a lot. A lot of travel. So it's funny, because I traveled before January 12 of this year, when it all started. The last two years, I went to 23 different countries, I think. So that's a fair amount of international travel. And so this year, I've only been to a couple of countries. But I've been to a different city every four or five days or so since January 12, except when I'm in Spain. Yeah, a lot more travel, speaking and workshops and retreats. But it's just an honor to be able to share the message that selfless is fearless.

• 6:20John R. Miles?

  That's awesome. And for those of you who are have not been watching TV or following the news or sports or anything for the past couple of years, Jim is the number one bestselling author of Inner Excellence, Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible Life. And I'm holding a copy of it here. But man, I plowed through this book in, I'm telling you about four hours, four and a half hours. I it just was such a fantastic read. And I had heard about it even before seeing it with AJ Brown, because we share another common person between us, and that's Sean Foley, who had told me about this book a while back. And then it was one that I should eventually read. How do you know Sean?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I've known Sean for, let's see, he's got, he's actually a big part of my life. Well, Sean's Canadian, as am I. And Sean was coaching a golfer a few years ago that was quite talented, Tiger Woods. And Sean read Inner Excellence, contacts me when he's coaching Tiger and said that he had a, wanted me to, he read Inner Excellence and wanted to see if I could work with one of his clients. And so that's when I met Sean. Yeah, this was 2011, I believe.

• 7:34John R. Miles?

  Yeah, not only was Sean working with Tiger, but he happened to be working with Tiger right after all those terrible things happened in Tiger's life. So not only was he trying to help him become a better golfer, he was trying to get him to take back his life again. So what a challenging time to be any superstar's coach. One of the things that I really liked about the book, right from the beginning, is how you bring in your own story. And you said this quote, "Those destined for greatness must first walk alone in the desert." You literally sold most of your possessions and lived in solitude for years. What did that

• 8:18John R. Miles?

  season of your life teach you about yourself and also about life?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think you can live an extraordinary life without solitude. I just don't think it's possible. At least I don't know how to do it. Now, you don't have to go to the desert like I did, and you don't have to go for two and a half years. I wasn't in complete solitude. I had a couple of friends there, and actually, my parents and sister ended up moving in with me, although I rarely saw them because I would leave early in the morning and come back at night when they were asleep. But being in the desert was in front of who I was, what I really wanted in life. And I went there to figure out what I can do to devote my life, to find something that I can devote my life to and do, willing to live and die for. And that's what I found in the desert.

• 9:01John R. Miles?

  And I know you're a faith-based person like myself, but when I was reading this and when I thought about my own life and periods of time where I've really done deep self-awareness, I think back to even Jesus's journey of how he spent 40 days alone and would look for solitude when he was contemplating big events in his life as well. So I really do think there's something about this need for solitude and for rewiring ourselves and coming back to ourselves. Did that sort of play into it for you?

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Well, I think he's the wisest, most confident, joyful, passionate, compassionate person that's ever lived and the best model. Yeah.

• 9:49John R. Miles?

  Yeah, well, this whole podcast is all about human flourishing, and I am a huge fan of Abraham Maslow. And again, early in the book, before we get into the Maslow chapter, you write, "What any of us really want is to feel truly alive." And it's interesting, because if you look at the work of palliative care people like Bronnie Ware, or even scientists who've studied tons of lives, what they all come back to is that most people end up living the life that they feel they should, and they end up settling instead of living the life that they could, which is one where they flourish in all aspects of it.

• 10:33John R. Miles?

  Why do you think it is that so few people find that fullness?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Fear is the biggest issue. And fear, Inner Excellence, comes from self-centeredness in general. Comes from, we get in our own way. That's the biggest challenge that we face. And through three main areas, overthinking, negative thinking, or judgmental thinking, and self-consciousness. And it all comes from a self-referential, self-centeredness. That's inherent in human life. We need to think about ourselves in order to get through the day, in order to do something great. We have to think about ourselves. But that comes with a self-consciousness and a subconscious mind that's always in protection mode. And so it creates this unease, and that leads to fear when we think about ourselves. And that's why selfless is fearless.

• 11:15John R. Miles?

  I think it's a really important aspect that you cover throughout the book and really uses the foundation. I remember I was an executive at Lowe's Home Improvement. I was a VP at the time, and I was on the staff of the CIO. And I had four fantastic peers, all of them extremely talented themselves. But we had a lot of infighting amongst us. And I remember one day, our boss, Steve Stone, comes into this conference room where we would have our weekly meetings. He was not a person who would really get aggravated. He was a person who used intellect. But I remember him just slamming his fist on the table and said that, "We have the opportunity to do so much, but there are three letters that are getting in the way

• 12:00John R. Miles?

  of us achieving greatness." And he said it was ego. And at the time, I was in my early 30s, and I didn't really understand the enormity of what he was talking about. But you really do a good job of connecting ego with self-centeredness. Could you talk a little bit more about it?

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Sure. I think of ego as the part of our mind that's always threatened, always comparing, and never satisfied. It may not be how anyone else defines it, but in order to be, to make a difference in someone's life, you've got to be clear in your communication. And so I try to define all the terms that I use. And so we all have a mind that has this concern, this threat, and it leverages our deep need, our deepest need, which is for love and acceptance. And so it says, it's that voice in your head that says, "Hey, if you screw this up, if you fail, not only you're not going to be loved and accepted, but you're going to get the exact opposite, which is your greatest fear." In general, the greatest fear of humans is for rejection. And when I think of Inner Excellence, I think of self-mastery. And when I think of self-mastery, I think of mastering the ego. When I think of mastering the ego, I think of three things, actually.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Being unembarrassable, unoffendable, and unirritatable.

• 13:12John R. Miles?

  And out of those three things, which one do you think is the hardest for most people to undertake in their lives?

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Well, they're all really hard. I think it depends on the person. So I define humility as an accurate view of self, not overinflated or underinflated. And if you're truly humble, then you can never be humiliated or truly embarrassed. Because embarrassment and humiliation is concern for self. My status just went down. Now I feel bad about myself because I think other people feel less of me. And but if you're completely selfless, there's no self to defend. There's nothing to be afraid of because you're not defending anything. You're not protecting anything. And that's you can look at when the best performances in the history of the world happen. There's no concern for self. There's no thoughts of self whatsoever. And so the ego is that part of the mind that's constantly threatening threatened. And when it's threatened, it's got to work overtime.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  It's got to, oh, what about this? What about that? And that's where anxiety comes in. Anxiety is a mind with too many thoughts and too many concerns.

• 14:13John R. Miles?

  One other thing that I really liked as you opened the book was you made the statement that the quality of your life is based on three elements. Your inner world of thoughts and feelings, your frame of reference, mindset, and your relationships. And I think those three things are fantastic. I wanted to ask you about a fourth one that I would probably include that you didn't. And I feel that you can have that frame of reference of mindset. But really, you need to be intentional with your behaviors and how you're using that mindset set to drive your actions.

• 14:53John R. Miles?

  And if I were going to do my own version of this, I would add behaviors to it or intentionality. What's your thoughts on that?

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks for sharing that. So yesterday I was walking into a grocery store as I drove from New York City here to Central Pennsylvania to work on this next book. And I was thinking, I actually shared on an Instagram story that my life has been incredibly blessed and very busy the last eight months and just so much logistics, so many things to track and that can create anxiety. And I'm walking into the store and thinking about all the things that are happening, coming up. We've got a book signing in Philly on Saturday, which is amazing. Not a book signing, some sort of a, we're doing something with a book giveaway in Philly. And I thought, you know what, the number one thing in my life, that's the most important thing is not my circumstances and not even my actions, it's my heart, because

• 15:48Speaker 01

  my actions come from my heart. And because I, it's easy to, anxiety is so easy to have and so many people have it now because they're trying to track so many things and life is so complex and there's so many scary things in the world right now. And, but if your heart is connected to the source of all goodness in the world and the universe, and you have inner peace, then you're going to go out into the world in strength, no matter what your circumstances are. But you could have a million followers and millions of dollars, but if you have inner turmoil, you're going out into the world in weakness.

• 16:27John R. Miles?

  It's so true, because without that, you're not going to have authenticity in how you're bringing yourself and presenting yourself to the world, is the way I think about it. One of the things that you and I both talk about, and it's a core foundation of this whole podcast, is the power of choices. And I like to talk about our micro choices or our micro decisions are the ones that really shape the life that we want to have. You also talk about choices and one of the things that I love in the book were that through the beginning chapters, you, you create two pyramids and then bring them together into kind of the life diamond. And I was hoping you, you might be able to talk about that path because it's

• 17:12John R. Miles?

  all really rooted in our choices.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you. So the way I look at life is that we're walking either love or fear. Every moment you're in either love or fear, some form of love, which is this selfless, creative, connected, connectedness, where you see possibilities. And fear is where you're in self-protection. You're concerned with other people are thinking and will I fail? And that life diamond is just saying, look, you, the default is if you don't do anything, you're going to go towards fear. That's human nature. You're going to start thinking about yourself. You're going to think about everything you want, but can't control. You're going to start comparing yourself to others. Your subconscious mind is going to remind you of all your failures and and you're going to move towards anxiety and fear.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  So you need a clear intentional plan and path to live an extraordinary life. And that path is based on the three most powerful resources, I believe, in the universe is love, wisdom and courage. Whereas love, and when I say love, there's something that really needs to be clarified because in America and in Western culture, English only has one word for love. And I love board games, I love sushi, Korean barbecue and Thai curry and many things I love. But those are like things that are pleasurable. And the love that I'm talking about is sacrificial love, the kind that brings joy. Because pleasure brings happiness and there's very big difference between the two.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Happiness to me, I define as a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening. Good circumstances, good feelings. Bad circumstances, you're not getting good feelings. Joy, on the other hand, I define as a deep sense of well-being, freedom and gratitude and inner buoyancy and delight that comes from love.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  And we need a clear path and plan to simplify our lives, to reduce all the thoughts. And that involves having a purpose for your life. And with Interexcellence, we think about how you want to feel, how you want to live, who you want to become, what's important to you, and start to clarify those things so you can be true to yourself. And when I say true to yourself, half of it's your own personal preference and half of it's understanding how you're created and what you're created for. Because there's a lot of misunderstandings. In Interexcellence, we talk about your heart and following your heart. But that's, we have to make sure we're clear that the heart has an inherent self-centeredness. On the one hand, we're created in God's image. On the other hand, we have human nature. And if you don't do anything, the human nature's going to take over and you're going to move

• 19:53Speaker 01

  towards fear. And so if you think following my heart means doing what I feel the most strongly about, then you might be taking crystal meth and you might be eating chocolate, as great as that is, until you get sick and maxing out the credit cards and leading you to a horrible life or death. If you follow your feelings, which people translate following your heart is following my feelings. So you're going to be very careful about following your feelings. I have a mantra that's, "I live by purpose, not by feelings." And oftentimes, that's what I say to myself to get out of bed. Because a lot of times, don't want to get out of bed. That's how the pyramid works. Do nothing, you're going to go down towards self-centeredness and fear.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  We need to have an intentional plan based on love, wisdom, courage, sacrifice, doing hard things, having, doing some of the Interexcellence disciplines, there's nine of them, and then moving towards that selfless and therefore fearless life.

• 20:50John R. Miles?

  Before we continue, I want to pause for a moment. Conversations like this one with Jim offer insight. Integration requires intention. Inside my Substack, The Ignited Life, each episode in the Meaning Makers series is paired with guided reflection prompts designed to help you apply what you're hearing steadily, honestly, and without pressure. This week's prompts focus on identifying fear-driven patterns in performance, reconnecting with inner stability under pressure, clarifying what excellence means beyond outcomes. You can explore them all at theignitedlife.net. Now, a quick break for our sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show.

• 21:31John R. Miles?

  You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network. Now, back to my conversation with Jim Murphy.

• 21:38John R. Miles?

  The way you described it, I really loved. You say, every day we wake up with a choice. Do we let our natural self-centeredness and ego lead us towards doubts and fears? Or do we choose to focus on what you were just talking about, love, wisdom, and courage? If we don't make a conscious decision, we inevitably follow our natural inclination down the pyramid, which is right below where I'm reading that. And I wanted to just talk about a couple of words that you bring up there. And one of the most important ones, I think, is the word conscious. Because in my own book, I talk about the fact that I think so many people today are not living on autopilot, where if you put the plan on autopilot, you're typically going

• 22:23John R. Miles?

  in the direction you want your life to take. I think more of us are living it like we're a pinball in the game of pinball. And we just subconsciously allow our lives to unfold without being deliberate about how we're trying to live them. And I think in many ways, that's what you're trying to say here.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Very deliberate about our lives and seeking wisdom above all else. Wisdom is the greatest thing anyone could ever seek. And it's far different than knowledge. To me, knowledge is understanding how these transactional, temporary things in life work. How does a lawnmower work? Great things that can create great companies. And how do you build a computer, or a light, or a table, or a business? Knowledge is super helpful, important. It's just like logic, super important and helpful. But logic also can be very limiting, and so can knowledge. And logic doesn't send a man to the moon. Wisdom, to me, is to have unobstructed views of beauty and connections and possibilities, unhindered by our own self-reliance.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  And on another level, it's also how I think about wisdom is to know who God is, and therefore, who you are, what he's doing in the world, and how you can join in.

• 23:35John R. Miles?

  I think that's absolutely essential and agree with you full heartedly. One of the things you do throughout the book is you've got some great examples of people in the book. I'm going to use a person, but then I'm going to use a story you didn't talk about in the book. You talk about Michael Jordan and his coach in multiple places. And one of the things you talked about Michael is one of the things that led him to greatness was his focus on practice, which is something a lot of us don't want to do, but he thrived on it. But I want to take Michael in a different setting that you know a lot about. So Michael comes out of winning three championships and

• 24:19John R. Miles?

  makes the decision he wants to become a professional baseball player. And I remember when he first came out, he was just tearing it up. And then the teams and the pitchers figured out his weakness. And all of a sudden, he couldn't hit a ball to save his life. But in typical Michael Jordan fashion, what did he do differently that a lot of people wouldn't have done when he faced that situation?

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Michael was in the minor leagues playing for one of the Chicago teams around the same time that I was in the minor leagues playing for one of the Chicago teams. And he's probably the such an inspiring athlete in that the documentary on him. It said his greatness was his ability to be fully present. And I think that's so true. And I think courage is the greatest thing that most successful people have in cotton. And that Michael also had. And what's great about that is that we can all have it.

• 25:15John R. Miles?

  I absolutely think that's one aspect. The other thing that I thought was remarkable is that he would sit there and reportedly hit 1,500 pitches a day until he figured out how to master the curve ball, which was really impacting his ability. And watching that same thing, it was pretty interesting how many professional players thought if he would have had more time, he would have definitely made it to the big leagues because of his work ethic.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cut from his high school team, the ability to be resilient and not get down. That's such a trait of the best.

• 25:50John R. Miles?

  Yeah. So in the book, you used a Greek word to describe the life we're meant to live. How did you come upon that word? And why did you find it so powerful?

• 26:03Speaker 01

  That's a great story, actually. So I'm in the desert. I go there to figure out what to do with my life. Had no plans, just went to go live a life of solitude. And except for help my friend Ricky with his batting baseball academy part time. And I start to put together this little manual. I decided to become a personal coach to pro baseball players, teach them how to have peace and confidence under pressure. My first two or three clients do amazing. And so I thought, okay, let's give them a little manual. And so I start to put that together. And I call up a sports psychologist and ask him, how can an Olympic athlete train for four years for an event that may last less than 60 seconds and have peace and confidence under that situation? And it brought more questions than answers. So I call another and another and I spent five years full time writing and researching that question. And that became the book Interexcellence.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Along the way, I found out that the heart is the key to your life, your spirit, your will. We're far more than thinking machines. We got to get deeper. And I'm working on the book and I asked this friend of mine from church, Jennifer. And I said, Jennifer, can you take a look at this manuscript? I want to make sure it lines up with the Bible, make sure it's filled with wisdom and has no errors. She reads Interexcellence, she said, I read your book. Have you ever heard of the word Zoe? I said, no. She said, that's a word in the Bible, a Greek word used a lot. It's the word for life, but it's not just any life. It's not the bios life, which is biologically alive. It's absolute fullness of life. And in the Bible, Jesus talks about it. John 10 10, I came to bring you life and life abundantly.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  And so that's the kind of life that she said, I think you're talking about. And I said, yes, my whole life I've obsessed about being some sort of a superstar. When I realized now, I've always wanted to feel fully alive. So I started to revolve my book around the pursuit of fullness of life and let everything else be added to you. So I'm doing this, writing this book, and then the book comes out and I have a near mental breakdown, five years of full-time writing and research, spent my life savings, ninety thousand dollars in debt. And I go to, I'm having this near mental breakdown. I call my friend Ricky, who was there, and I said, tell me what to do. He said, find a homeless person and help him. So I go find this homeless harpist right around the corner in Denver, the thing that King David used to play. You don't see these too often.

• 28:12John R. Miles?

  No.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  And so I gave him some money and I left and went to go run the treadmill back where I was staying and just to try and breathe and get through the day. I come back to that same area a couple hours later. I'm so filled with anxiety at the time, I can't function, just staring off into the abyss. That homeless guy walks in, walks past me, stops in his tracks and said, are you the guy that gave me that money? And I said, yes. And he said, thank you so much for caring for me. No one's cared for me like that before. He leaves, he comes back with a box of chocolates and a bracelet that he made and a card. He gives all three to me. And the card says, thank you so much for caring for me. No one's cared for me like that. Love, Zoe.

• 28:51John R. Miles?

  Oh, my Lord.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  And so I'm like, your name is Zoe? And he's, yeah. And I said, do you know what your name means? He said, no. And I said, it means absolute fullness of life. I've studied that for five years. I just wrote a book about it. And I gave him a book and I never saw him again. And that's when my life really dramatically changed after that moment in the next few weeks.

• 29:09John R. Miles?

  Man. So how did A.J. Brown come about reading the book? Was it referred to him from someone?

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll tell you what happened. About ten, twelve years ago, I started building houses with youth with a mission, Homes of Hope in Mexico for a family. We're gonna do one in November, actually. Sold out, but we have them every year. And they told me, you gotta meet this guy named Guy East. He's a former professional cyclist who brings pro athletes to come build houses for the poor in Mexico. And so I met Guy, and Guy and I become good friends. And then he says, hey, there's a retreat coming up. This was like, two, three years ago. And there's an Anglican priest preaching. And I was like, is Anglican even Christian? It was very secretive and there's no website. And I was like, I don't know. It's in the Appalachian foothills. But I go and I meet this director for Athletes in Action in Austin named DJ Jer. And I was like, man, this guy's amazing.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, there's, you've got to talk to one of my friends, Carson Foster, his Olympic hopeful. And I meet Carson, we start to work together. And amazing story. But DJ gives the book to Mauro Ajomo, football player at University of Texas. He gets drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles. He reads the book. He sees his teammate and says, hey, I think you might like this book, AJ. And he did.

• 30:32John R. Miles?

  And the rest is history.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  But I think when we think about the history, I want to make sure people don't get it confused. When you say the rest is history, what I think is, lives are changing all over the world, and they're going to really change in Philadelphia, because we're going to do some amazing things there. There's, well, there's already amazing things going on with Shane Claiborne, my hero in Kensington. And I've met some amazing people there, doing great work in inner-city Philly. I'm so excited for what we're going to do.

• 31:01John R. Miles?

  That's what I'm saying, is this was the inflection point that brought this whole movement to awareness. And sometimes I think that's what it takes, is you just have this divine intervention. And then, all of a sudden, it gives you that lightning rod to impact so many people, which your book is now doing. So throughout the book, something I liked is you have all these different stories. And one of them is, you write about Joe Irman's shift from a win-at-all-cost mentality to building a life built on relationships and purpose. And it was interesting, because you use Joe's story as the entry point.

• 31:40John R. Miles?

  But then you talk about coaches like Wooden and Steve, Golden State Warriors coach, and others who you bring up that it's not, Lou Holtz was another one. It's not about, at all about win-at-all-cost mentality. The wins will come, but that shouldn't be the focus. Yet, for so many of us, we have a win-at-all-cost mentality. We want success in life more than anything. I had this happen to me myself. I felt the most invisible in my life I've ever felt, because I was chasing all the wrong things and neglecting the things in life that count the most. Why do you think so many of us today get stuck in the performance trap?

• 32:24Speaker 01

  It's super, super common. Well, it's because our greatest need is for love and acceptance. And the ego says, the trickster says, if you are successful, you're going to get the love and acceptance that you want. And if you're not, though, then you're not, you're going to get rejected. And yeah, the obsession with winning is an obsession with acceptance. And ironically, that obsession with winning and acceptance creates the opposite effect. It creates tension and fear. Nobody, it's hard to love someone who's filled with tension and fear.

• 32:55John R. Miles?

  Well, amen to that. One of the other stories I really liked in the book is, I must have been sleeping under a rock or something when this happened because I was not aware of it. But you tell the story of Lewis Gordon Pugh. And this to me was an amazing story in part because I have a good friend, John Doolittle, who's been a guest on this show. John retired as a 06 Navy SEAL, but he was the first Navy SEAL to swim the English Channel. And John was telling me this story that, and I'll let you tell the story of Lewis, but he went during some of the warmest months possible to swim the English Channel. And he still said it was freezing beyond belief. It was like 48, 50 degrees.

• 33:40John R. Miles?

  So he said that at no time when he was doing this 12-hour crossing, could you stop or you would immediately go into hypothermia? And he said that there was this period of time, he's about a third of the way through, he wants to throw in the towel, and then he sees his dad on the bow of the boat that's pushing him forward. And he starts raising names of SEALs who have died in combat that John is swimming for. And John says that moment, and then seeing kind of the American flag, relit his determination. And as he would swim further and further, the father kept putting up a different name and then a different name. And it's so related to Lewis's story and what you write about.

• 34:24John R. Miles?

  So I was hoping you could share that using Dew's story as a backdrop.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Sure, I am writing the book and I'm in, living in Canada, working with University of British Club of Men's Golf Team. And I see on the national newspaper, the Globe and Mail, front page, this guy diving off an iceberg in his Speedo. And I'm like, what is this crazy person doing? And this is before I'd ever heard of Wim Hof. And he swam one kilometer at the geographic north pole to raise awareness for global warming, because normally it's covered in meters of ice, but because of global warming, it's thawing. And so I interviewed him and his coach, because writing this book about inner excellence, and how do you achieve great things and have that peace and confidence under pressure? And that was life threatening. Most people said it was impossible, physically impossible.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  The water was below freezing, if you can believe that. You might think, well, he'd be swimming in ice. Well, there was ice all around him. But because of saltwater, the water temperature was below thirty two. And yeah, so what he had to do, or his coach said, there's no way you're going to make it if you think, if you're thinking about one kilometer. We've got to break it down into smaller chunks. And this is so crucial, when we want to make changes in our life, or want to attempt anything, so often the first step is too big. And so we just got to make the first step smaller and smaller until we can do it. And so he had, similar to your story, was they put up a flag every hundred meters of people on his team from different countries.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  And he said, just focus on this hundred meters, can't think past it. And that got him to the end. But also, he had a purpose beyond himself that he was willing to die for.

• 36:04John R. Miles?

  What I thought was so remarkable about it is he did two trials prior to doing the swim and actually warmer water and failed miserably both times.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  And yeah.

• 36:14John R. Miles?

  He was actually extremely fearful. And as you write, as was the doctor who had to make the decision, could he do this or not? And what I thought was just so amazing is when they would put out the different flags for him, it was like, he was swimming for Sweden, he was swimming for Norway, and eventually he was swimming for Britain, where he's from. But it gave him that sense that he's trying to bring awareness to climate change, but in each one of those segments, he was swimming for all the people in that country. So he used that greater pull to mentally get him his way through it. And I thought it was a great example of inner excellence coming to life.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  For sure. And so I think it's really, it is significant, like you said, that he failed twice greatly just before he went. And he was filled with fear the day he was going. And so fear is not the problem. Fear is not the enemy. Fear has power. The problem is when you're afraid of fear. Great things happen when you're filled with nervous energy and fear.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  What stops people is they're afraid of fear.

• 37:24John R. Miles?

  When I think of fear in my own life,

• 37:29John R. Miles?

  I think about how many times I end up arsoning the very things because I start doing self sabotaging actions, the very things that I want to accomplish. And sometimes that fear takes root because we we allow our mind to leap as Lewis was to like the end where he wants to go instead of thinking, I just have to take the first step. And I often think the reason most people never change their life is they get so fearful of what they think it's going to take to get to where they eventually want, that they never take the first step to begin with.

• 38:11John R. Miles?

  And that is the hardest choice of them all to make is to choose to take that step to start going down the path of making your life different. As you're coaching athletes and executives, et cetera, do you find the same to be true?

• 38:28Speaker 01

  That's why we've got to make it smaller and smaller until you can take that step.

• 38:32John R. Miles?

  I actually call it the bee and the turtle effect, and I got this actually from Elon Musk. And the way I think about it is you have to have that vision of where you want to take things, kind of a slow moving sea turtle. But you have to execute your life like the bee, who is constantly in action, taking small steps to serve the hive. And it's that combination of balancing both. If you can perfect it, that really gets you into the flow of life.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think the greatest challenge that we face in life today, other than self centeredness, is is the anxiety that comes from too many thoughts, from too many concerns and being too busy with too many things. That comes from not having a clear purpose for your life and being too busy and therefore too distracted.

• 39:25John R. Miles?

  One of the things, speaking of being too distracted, that you focus on multiple times in the book is the life of a samurai. Why did you choose to use that as such an important element of the book?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, because if I was born a hundred years earlier or 200, then I would have been a Samurai. At least if my mom would have married another Japanese guy. Yeah, my mom from Samurai Descendants. So it's just kind of very personal connection. What's amazing that I found really amazing is as I was researching the book,

• 40:00Speaker 01

  I realized in my mind that love, wisdom, and courage were the three most powerful resources. And then, once I decided on that, then I found out that's what the Bushido Code was of the Samurai. It's based on love, wisdom, and courage, and that was amazing.

• 40:16John R. Miles?

  I also liked how you, in the book, talk about the Samurai and this focus on the three qualities that you bring up in the book, but also their folk, their inherent mindfulness and focus on being present at all times because they never knew when their life might end. And so they were always having to live in the moment. And it's so different than how most of us live today.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  The way I think about it is I want to be prepared to fully live or fully give up that life to die at a moment's notice. And what I mean by that is I want to capture beauty. I think most of my life I've missed it. Certainly missed more than I've seen and want to miss less. And so I want to capture it when I see not just the easy ones, a beautiful sunset or a leaf falling from a tree. I saw my first leaf fall, first sign of fall a few days ago. But I want to capture it from a homeless person or a kid or someone in a nursing home. And I want to be ready to give up my life at a moment's notice as well. If it comes down between my life and someone else's, I want to be able to have a heart that's ready to give up my life.

• 41:23John R. Miles?

  One other story I was hoping you might be able to talk about because he, I'm here in Florida and he came from Florida, is the story of Rick Ankiel, who came from Port St. Lucie High School in Florida, was named High School Player of the Year by USA Today, drafted by the Cardinals, receives $2.5 million signing bonus. What ended up happening to Rick?

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Well, it's quite a story. Rick had a mental block of being on the pitcher's mound and couldn't throw a strike. And he ended up going, gets and done. He signed a big contract. And what happened was the head coach, Tony La Russa, put this rookie in a big playoff game when he wasn't ready. And he got a mental block and threw the ball into the dirt. And then, and then he stressed out about it. And so your subconscious mind doesn't care if you make a mistake. It only cares how you feel about mistakes or anything, really. You could lose your job. And if it doesn't have any meaning to you, and you'd be like, oh, subconscious gives it a pass. But if it was traumatic to you, or if someone, if you feel really embarrassed, then that subconscious is going to lock it in. And so he felt really bad for throwing the ball in the dirt or whatever. And so then that became a mental block, and

• 42:30Speaker 01

  he had to retire from baseball as a pitcher. But then amazingly, one day, his agent said, hey, let's go back and play as a position player. Then he came back and that interesting about that, how the mind works. The home plate is 60 feet, six inches from pitcher's rubber. And he couldn't, sometimes he couldn't throw it where the catcher could even touch it. But from, from the outfield, he can throw it to third base, and the third baseman not have to move his glove more than a foot or two. And that's because from the outfield, there's no pressure to throw it, to hit it, throw a strike. It's just like putting in golf. There's no pressure to sink a 50 foot putt. But there is pressure to sink a three footer.

• 43:13John R. Miles?

  Yeah, isn't that so funny, how that is, the layup becomes harder than the half court shot in so many cases in our lives?

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's all based on the same thing. It's the fear of rejection.

• 43:27John R. Miles?

  Rejection, in this case, by the fans, by your teammates?

• 43:32Speaker 01

  The way it plays out is if I miss a 50 foot putt, nobody's gonna say, oh, I can't believe you missed that. Oh, how terrible. Boo. That doesn't happen. You miss a three foot putt, people are going to be whispering. And they're gonna be, oh, and you're gonna feel, you could feel, wow, I'm a pro golfer, and I missed a three foot putt. Pro golfers shouldn't miss three foot putts. And especially if someone in the crowd says, my grandma could have made that. Then you feel really bad, because our greatest need is for love and acceptance, and our greatest fear is rejection. And the subconscious mind feels, if I screw something up that I shouldn't screw up, I'm going to get rejected. And so fear becomes a big issue for things that we feel like we shouldn't screw up on. And that's where the ego comes into play. If you, the better you get at mastering

• 44:15Speaker 01

  the ego, the more fearless you are because you're not afraid of screwing up. And that's what the greatest are able to do. They're able to master their ego enough so that they're not filled with fear every time they have something that they really want to do, but don't know if they can do it.

• 44:28John R. Miles?

  So you end the book talking about pursuing the path of inner excellence with all your heart. And if you do, you'll find the secret to everything you've ever wanted. For those who are listening to our conversation today, what is maybe the biggest thing that you want them to remember from our discussion and the purpose for you writing the book to begin with?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Well, self-centeredness leads to fear. And what you really want most is to understand what your heart deeply wants is so important. To feel fully alive and fullness of life comes from relationships.

• 45:05John R. Miles?

  Well, Jim, if people want to learn more about you, what you're doing in Philadelphia and other parts of the country, where's the best place for them to go?

• 45:12Speaker 01

  You can go to innerexcellence.com, my website. We've got a newsletter, the VIP newsletter, which will be on Substack here very soon. And you can go on social media, Interexcellence Jim Murphy and follow me there as well.

• 45:23John R. Miles?

  Awesome. Well, it was such an honor to have you on the show, Jim. Thank you for writing this book and bringing your wisdom to our audience.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Thanks so much, John. I really appreciate it.

• 45:32John R. Miles?

  That brings us to a close today's conversation with Jim Murphy. I hope it left you reflecting on what it means to live fully alive and to perform at your best when it matters most. Here are the three biggest takeaways that stood out for me. First, fear is the number one barrier to greatness. Training your heart to quiet the critic and choose courage is the first step toward freedom. Second, performance and fulfillment are the same path. You don't have to trade meaning for achievement. The two can work together. And third, extraordinary results start on the inside. Your routines, thoughts, and small choices are shaping your destiny every day. This episode reminded me that legacy is about what we build choice by choice. Jim's work is a powerful guide to aligning those choices with who we want

• 46:16John R. Miles?

  to become. Next, we turn our attention outward towards truth, power, and consequence. On Thursday, I'm joined by Charles Piller, an investigative journalist for Science Magazine and the author of the new book, Doctor. We discuss fraud, arrogance, and tragedy in the quest to cure Alzheimer's disease, and what happens when systems prioritize prestige over truth and certainty over integrity.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  I think people of good intentions can make mistakes. They can be drawn into actions that are counterproductive, that are even counter to what their expressed views and wishes would be. And my job is to try to tell the bigger story, to tell the human story behind some of these concerns, so that I don't want to leave readers with a sense of cynicism. I think it's important to view the world as it is, but to also to try to generate a sense of hopefulness about what it can be by exposing bad actions and trying to correct them, and also pointing out where things in the future might benefit from some of the work that's being done.

• 47:23John R. Miles?

  Today's episode resonated. Please share it with someone who might benefit, or leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. If you'd like to continue the work, visit theignitedlife.net for episode reflections, watch the full conversations on YouTube, John R. Miles or Passion Struck Clips, or explore intention-driven apparel at startmattering.com. As we continue The Meaning Makers, remember, excellence begins inside, truth demands courage, and significance grows where integrity holds. I'm John Miles, and you've been passion-struck.