Lats and Longs

Conan chats with Marta about sailing the Mediterranean, how to be helpful around the boat, and tips on spotting the best pizzerias. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  With the US Bank Smartly Visa Signature Card, you earn an unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. Huh, it's a good deal. Yeah. No quarterly activations, no categories to track, just unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. Sona, just the other day, I bought you this antique wig stand. Oh. And I didn't get cash back, and I regret it now. Oh, okay. Well, that's a very thoughtful gift. Do you wear a wig, or is that your hair? Absolutely not. It's definitely my hair. And so it's kind of insulting you would buy that gift for me. Well, I'll just return it anyway, but I do wish I got cash back. Yeah. Visit usbank.com/smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issuer of this card is US Bank National Association, pursuant to a license from Visa USA, Inc.

• 0:47Conan O'Brien?

  Some restrictions may apply.

• 0:52Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly, I'm a very important person to you. Yeah. Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays? A vase. No, I don't want a vase. I want something better. A jacket. Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket. Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket. Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would. Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that. Well, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me. Okay. Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list.

• 1:37Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:52Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Marta, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Hi, everybody.

• 2:06Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Marta, how are you?

• 2:07Speaker 02

  I'm just so happy to meet all of you. This is really, this is right up there.

• 2:13Conan O'Brien?

  Now, it looks like you're either having an MRI or... Where are you? You're in some strange environment that I can't identify. Where are you right now?

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Physically, you want my lat longs? Or do you want to know what I'm sitting on?

• 2:28Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, are you in a, you're in a boat? Are you in a boat?

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay, you're in a boat. All right.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:32Conan O'Brien?

  When someone says, "Do you want to know my lat longs?", I usually think that means a boat. Lat long, oh, latitude and longitude. Yes, sometimes, sometimes in clubs, I go up to women and say, "Do you want to see my lats?" Oh, God. No, no, no. You shouldn't do that. I know. They asked me to stop. Uh, so, so, "Clubs", he said, having never been to a club. "Your name is Marta, Marta DeWolf. This is what I know about you, and you're on a boat. Are you a real sailor? Or how serious are you about sailing?"

• 3:02Speaker 02

  We're starting our eighth year.

• 3:04Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, eighth year sailing? So you've sailed, you've sailed the globe?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Well, with COVID, we got stuck in Eastern Turkey. So we've, we've gone about 22,000 miles.

• 3:16Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Seven countries, yeah.

• 3:20Conan O'Brien?

  So you started sailing, and you said "we", who are you sailing with?

• 3:24Speaker 02

  My husband.

• 3:24Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. So the two of you, the two of you sail together. How big is the boat?

• 3:29Speaker 02

  It's a catamaran. It's 43 feet.

• 3:32Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, it's a good size.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  It's, it's, two people can handle it quite efficiently. Yeah, we don't need, we don't need anybody else, so.

• 3:43Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. So you and your husband, for a number of years now, have been sailing together, circumnavigating the globe. Is it treacherous? I mean, I have to admit, I, I used to be intrigued by the idea of sailing the globe. And then I saw the movie Dead Calm. It's Nicole Kidman's first movie. And Billy Zane shows up. And he's crazy. And I'm so terrified of late 1980s Billy Zane. That I won't, I won't go on boats anymore.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  I wouldn't mind it.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  There's a reason I don't watch those movies. And you also have to pick your crew really well.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  Well, he wasn't even on the crew. I think the lesson I took away from Dead Calm, and I'm gonna take this away from your life now, and just to the movie Dead Calm, Nicole Kidman's breakout performance, was that they picked him up. He was on another boat and he came, you know, rowing their way. And you don't pick up anybody. You don't pick up hitchhikers when you're on the high seas. Is that a good rule?

• 4:45Speaker 02

  No, no, but yeah, it's, it's treacherous. We've been in a mini tsunami, two medicanes, um, five meter seas.

• 4:53Conan O'Brien?

  What's a medicane?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  It's a hurricane in the med.

• 4:59Conan O'Brien?

  That's not funny.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  I'm sure you would have known that. I'm sure you would have known that.

• 5:02Conan O'Brien?

  In the Mediterranean?

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay. I'm sorry. You're using all these terms.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Lass of longs, medicane.

• 5:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, the three of us aren't pirates. You know, it's a hurricane in the med. I mean, medicane sounds like something you'd take if you had a migraine, doesn't it? Um, so, uh, so have you ever thought, this could be it? We could die right now?

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, last year we were in the, um, Ionian, near Zakynthos.

• 5:31Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, still, I don't know what's happening. Everything you say, Marta, is a riddle.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  We were.

• 5:36Conan O'Brien?

  We were in a medicane. Where? In Glipglop, near the chip chop.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  This is one of the, this is one of the medicanes. And I could see the eye forming above us. And we were six hours away from shore. And there were four waterspouts around us. And, you know, they flip boats. So I did, I called my dad and I said, do you know where my papers are? That was the scariest, um. But a lot of cool things have happened, like in eight years, we've had six or seven scary times. That was the scariest, but I would say ninety-eight percent of it is just dolphins and mermaids.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, very nice. Um.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna ask you about your relationship with your husband, because I'm just thinking to myself, if I was in a contained area with my wife, and I love my wife. I love my wife. My, take my wife, please. No, I love my wife, but but take it easy. I haven't had my meds, uh, but I had. Your medicane? I had a medicane.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Your medicane?

• 6:45Conan O'Brien?

  I, uh, I'm just thinking of us being in a contained space, having to work together on the ocean for eight years.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Jump.

• 6:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she would, she would start, she would start swimming towards the crazy Billy Zane. What, uh, do you guys have times like that where you're really on each other's nerves?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did I say there were three bedrooms and three bathrooms? So.

• 7:13Conan O'Brien?

  I see.

• 7:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Conan O'Brien?

  So what is it?

• 7:15Speaker 02

  But it's, you know, it, it's helped our communication a lot, because at some point you have to let go of the small stuff, because it becomes dangerous. So we've, it's really, like, we, the kids left, uh, you know, they, they, we became empty nesters and

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, they didn't leave the boat?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Pretty comfortable.

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  I got the impression, they left, we took a hard

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Comfortable.

• 7:38Conan O'Brien?

  Turn to starboard, and they went over the side, and so the kids left. So, okay, you were empty nesters, and that's when you decided to hit the high seas?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  That's when we decided, yeah, we wanted, we were pretty comfortable. We wanted to get out of our comfort zone and just kind of see a little bit what we were made of, and we thought we would do this maybe three years, but we're starting our eighth.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  So, um, yeah, seven countries.

• 8:03Conan O'Brien?

  Incredible, and I want to just get to the, if, let's say you're not getting along with your husband. Um, what do you do? I mean, you can't, do you just, you stay on your side of the boat, and I'll stay on mine? How bad has it gotten?

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Well, there was a time during COVID in Turkey where we didn't talk for quite a while, and actually. I know this is Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan, but I would consider at one point you were, you three were my only friends.

• 8:32Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  I was, I was on the kayak and I would go kayak around Cleopatra's ruins. And, and some of the only English speaking people and you'd make me laugh so much.

• 8:46Conan O'Brien?

  You'd listen to our podcast when you were not getting along with your husband.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  And laugh. And he's like, oh, she's enjoying this. Or whatever, you know.

• 8:56Conan O'Brien?

  Did I try, let me ask you something, question.

• 8:58Conan O'Brien?

  You made it worse.

• 8:59Conan O'Brien?

  Marta, did I drive a wedge between you and your husband? Did you fantasize, did you fantasize about being with me and away from your husband? When, when things were on the rocks?

• 9:09Speaker 02

  I'm sure this isn't the only relationship you've wedged yourself in between.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, makes me sound like the intruder, but I, uh, listen, I hope I didn't cause, uh, exacerbate any problems, but it sounds like we brought you some joy at a dark time.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  You, you did. And I've got to tell you, I was in a CrossFit class in, in Gallipoli in Greece and I was cracking up in the corner and this lady came over to me and in her broken Greece said, her Greek said, "I haven't laughed like that in so long. What are you listening to? I want to laugh like that." And so I showed her how to pull up your podcast on her, um, her, her device. And so there's a lady somewhere in Gallipoli, Greece, who's now cracking up laughing.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe, maybe. Or maybe she's going, I don't know what this is.

• 10:01Conan O'Brien?

  Marta is spreading the word.

• 10:03Conan O'Brien?

  I love that, Marta.

• 10:04Conan O'Brien?

  You should paint the logo on your boat.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? Sona has a good idea. The Conan logo on the side of your boat? We'd pay you.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  I got it. Team Coco.

• 10:14Conan O'Brien?

  Before I even checked with Adam.

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  But I'm sure there's money in that. We'll look into it. And I say that knowing there probably isn't.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  All right, I'll take a...

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  We'll get you a T-shirt.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 10:30Conan O'Brien?

  We'll get you a T-shirt.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Would be great. I wear it proudly.

• 10:33Conan O'Brien?

  Where are you now in the world?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Well, let's see, do you know where this flag is from?

• 10:38Conan O'Brien?

  Of course I do.

• 10:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 10:40Conan O'Brien?

  Um, no, I don't. I'm ashamed to say I don't. That's, it's three legs. Oh, you're in Sicily! Oh! Hold that flag up again! Um, I've never been to Sicily. I've always wanted to go there. It's three legs coming out of a head.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  It's supposed to be the shape of the island is, because the island's like a triangle.

• 11:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  But we're, we're at the point where we need to lift the boat out, because we do all the work ourselves. We sand and paint and... Like, today, I, we put the sails up, because during the winter, we take all the hardware off. And I sent my husband up the mast in the Bolsa chair, using the winch. But we're waiting for a phone call from Malta to see if they'll lift us out. So it's a 12-hour sail from here. And we'll head to Malta, lift out, sand, paint, and then head out to Greece.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  What's that? Yeah, so you're, you're gonna go there, when you say lift out, they're gonna take this giant catamaran you're in. Using winches, they're gonna take it out of the water and put it in a, on, on dry land?

• 11:48Speaker 02

  They can do what? Yeah, they'll either use a crane, or they'll, they'll use a sled, like, it goes underneath the boat. We've had both done. So we lift it out every other year to service the engines and, um, paint. We have to put more anti-fouling underneath, get all the barnacles off, and then paint it. And we do all that work ourselves.

• 12:09Conan O'Brien?

  You do it all yourselves? Wow. So you've really challenged yourself. Can I ask you about your life before all this? Did you have a very conventional life? I mean, this is a...

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Well, all that anti-fouling paint went to my head. I don't remember much of it.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I can tell you're pretty high on anti-fouling fumes.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  You'd have to be, you'd have to be.

• 12:29Conan O'Brien?

  So you guys, and, uh, where did you, what is your port of call, where did you leave from? Where did you sail out of? At the United States.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Um, on the, while we left, we bought the boat in France in seventeen. And then, so we sailed down the, the eastern, western coast of Portugal through Gibraltar and duh, duh, duh. But we sold the house in Bellevue, which you know, Washington.

• 12:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. That's where my wife is from. She's not from Bellevue, but she's from Seattle. Yeah. So wow, you've.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I've been listening for years. I know all about you all.

• 13:02Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you're, you're a living, I mean, this is a calm and this is a fantasy a lot of people have, but they don't do it. And I think because of Billy Zane.

• 13:11Conan O'Brien?

  Again, I think he is.

• 13:12Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think anybody else has really heard of that movie much.

• 13:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's a big movie.

• 13:16Conan O'Brien?

  Is it?

• 13:16Conan O'Brien?

  Dead Calm. Yeah, it's a big movie.

• 13:18Conan O'Brien?

  Four people in this room have not heard it. Only one person has.

• 13:22Conan O'Brien?

  It was a breakout movie for Nicole Kidman and, uh.

• 13:25Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, I remember Days of Thunder.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  They left an impact on you.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, it did. It's kept me out of the water. I don't even go near water because of Billy Zane. And you'd think that would be because of the Titanic, but no, years before that, Dead Calm.

• 13:39Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, I took us, what you could say, way off course.

• 13:42Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay.

• 13:51Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything. Like, I feel that way about my name.

• 13:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:56Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for, uh, all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 14:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Conan O'Brien?

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• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Conan O'Brien?

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• 14:36Conan O'Brien?

  They are.

• 14:36Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 14:42Conan O'Brien?

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• 15:05Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  My kids.

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 15:11Conan O'Brien?

  Or Oki. Or my dog.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year, you feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 15:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:23Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 15:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get a head start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 16:00Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 16:05Conan O'Brien?

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 16:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 16:08Conan O'Brien?

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 16:12Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 16:21Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 16:21Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 16:25Conan O'Brien?

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 16:26Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co-coincidence.

• 16:28Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no.

• 16:31Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 16:32Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta go.

• 16:33Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to a very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket in Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy. Cause you're well dressed.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 17:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 17:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  That's true. He's right. That's true.

• 17:09Conan O'Brien?

  No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app. App for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 17:23Conan O'Brien?

  All right.

• 17:23Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Oh, I didn't really ask. I just want you to know.

• 17:37Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 17:43Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 17:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 17:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin, why are they getting all specific about?

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Because it's family.

• 18:10Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 18:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:14Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife.

• 18:17Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 18:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:21Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 18:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 18:51Conan O'Brien?

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• 19:13Conan O'Brien?

  This is very cool what you're doing, I think. And do you still keep in regular contact with your kids? Or do they not know where you are and haven't seen you in years?

• 19:21Speaker 02

  They've all been to the boat. And my father has come, all the... You know, it's interesting. When my son first came, I said, like, if I were in Oklahoma, would you come see me? And he's like, hell, no, but you're on a catamaran in Greece, so I'm coming. And I get it, you know, I get it. He's just joking, but it is pretty cool.

• 19:44Conan O'Brien?

  Sailing the Greek islands.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  It's really nice to have family. The hardest part is where do we get our mail?

• 19:50Conan O'Brien?

  Did you sell your house to buy the boat? Wow, you sold everything. This is your life now.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Sold the house, the car.

• 19:56Conan O'Brien?

  Life of pirates. I would dress up like a pirate and look for treasure.

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you sort of dress like a pirate.

• 20:01Conan O'Brien?

  OK.

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  In general.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  We have found some.

• 20:04Conan O'Brien?

  You've found treasure? Well, good. I'm sorry.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my god!

• 20:09Conan O'Brien?

  Well, wait a minute. Let's get off the SIM cards and how the internet can be sketchy. And get to you finding treasure!

• 20:17Speaker 02

  I did. I found some...

• 20:21Speaker 02

  They're called amphora, amphoras.

• 20:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, amphoras, yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Pieces of amphoras that are under the sea.

• 20:27Conan O'Brien?

  They're like little bottles, right? That... And wasn't an amphora...

• 20:30Speaker 02

  Well, they're big bottles.

• 20:32Conan O'Brien?

  A jug?

• 20:33Speaker 02

  They... Mm-hmm. They would transport olive oil.

• 20:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:37Conan O'Brien?

  Is there gold? Is there gold in it?

• 20:39Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Well, I've seen mosaics underneath.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  This isn't The Goonies. She turns everything into The Goonies.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  I know you love The Goonies, Sona.

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  I love The Goonies, I do.

• 20:52Conan O'Brien?

  So, anyway, no, no, no. Real treasure. If The Goonies were a realistic show, a bunch of kids who talked over each other would stumble upon a bunch of big, old, empty bottles of olive oil. That's what they would find. And they'd call it the rich stuff. Because kids don't know what treasure is.

• 21:09Conan O'Brien?

  You don't have time.

• 21:09Conan O'Brien?

  Horrible movie.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Can you imagine them on a boat? Jeez.

• 21:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I can, and I have. I've drifted about it.

• 21:16Conan O'Brien?

  OK. Let's move. We got into dangerous shoals here, Marta. Well, before we go, any advice for me on... Do you think I have what it takes to sail the... Do you think?

• 21:27Speaker 02

  I do. I've actually got a few jobs for you.

• 21:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah?

• 21:30Speaker 02

  When, if you decide to come to visit.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  The, we've got really high ceilings, so I think you could, you would be fine.

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  That's the first question I ask before I go anywhere. Yeah. And a king sized bed, great.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  And king sized beds and every, um, um, but I, when you come, if you come to the boat, we would, um, give you two jobs. One, you could reef the main. And two, you can furl the jib. And you can furl the jib by hand.

• 21:58Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Because that's, we don't have the electric winch for that. And you're strong enough. I know you work out.

• 22:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a strong guy, yeah. Thank you for saying, and you can tell I'm strong just probably from looking at me or just some stuff you've read.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  I've heard you brag on the, on other podcasts.

• 22:12Conan O'Brien?

  Word for it. So you're take, you're, you're going off that by, from me. Okay, that's not good. Uh, yeah, so reef the sail and, and, and jib the jab.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Reef the main and furl, furl the jib.

• 22:24Conan O'Brien?

  It's furl, it's jib the jab, please. Um, this sounds like stuff I could do. Will I do it? I don't know. Yes. Go ahead.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Do you know the difference between port and starboard? Like the, the, the easy way to figure it out?

• 22:37Conan O'Brien?

  Give me the little quickie. Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Okay. Um.

• 22:40Conan O'Brien?

  Starboard's to the, starboard's to the.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Port is four letters.

• 22:43Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Port is four letters. Left is four letters.

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  And port, what color's port wine? Red.

• 22:51Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  So everything's red. Left is port. Everything else is starboard.

• 22:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 22:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's, I, I always knew that starboard was to the right. I just, I did know that.

• 23:01Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 23:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I knew starboard was to the right.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  And it's green.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  And it's green. Yeah. So this is right up there with meeting the Michael Jackson of Albania in Albania. I just want to tell you how exciting this has been.

• 23:15Conan O'Brien?

  Of Albania? How's he doing?

• 23:17Speaker 02

  In Albania.

• 23:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, okay.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Oh, he's good. He's really good.

• 23:20Conan O'Brien?

  Does he look anything like Michael Jackson?

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 23:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, right.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 23:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  And Sona, before we go, I want to tell you, I went to the only Armenian village in Turkey, and there's a hundred and three residents and inhabitants.

• 23:36Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  And I thought of you, I was there, I thought, if I ever, I don't know if I'd write you a note or something, but I did think of you.

• 23:42Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  I thought, gosh, what, you know, and it's really close to Syria.

• 23:46Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh, yeah. What, do you know what it's called?

• 23:48Speaker 02

  But I was just think.

• 23:49Conan O'Brien?

  I wonder if it's the village my dad's from.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Zakifli?

• 23:52Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not it. Oh, my God.

• 23:54Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me.

• 23:55Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, bless you.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Bless you.

• 23:56Conan O'Brien?

  That's very cool.

• 23:57Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I'm allergic to her talking about Armenia.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 24:01Conan O'Brien?

  Um, no, I, I, I just sneezed, and it was an accident. Uh, but Sona's father was born in a village, right, a long time ago?

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  And, um.

• 24:12Conan O'Brien?

  Sivas, Spastia.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  No, Sivas, that's, that's in Turkey, that's where Ashik Bessa was from.

• 24:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that's where my dad's from.

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  Right, see, this is cool.

• 24:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Conan O'Brien?

  He grew up, and you said that he doesn't even have a birth certificate, or he got one, that, uh, someone would come twice a year.

• 24:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, yeah, they came and they, yes, yes. Is his birthday on this birth certificate his real birthday? No.

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

  You know, but.

• 24:35Conan O'Brien?

  Got it.

• 24:35Conan O'Brien?

  Is it a document that said he was born? Yes.

• 24:37Conan O'Brien?

  It's very cool, I love your dad, your dad's a cool guy, cool mustache.

• 24:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I knew the mustache was coming.

• 24:42Conan O'Brien?

  Um, Marta, uh, I'll, you know, if we cross paths, I will try to help you on the boat. I'm gonna be honest with you, I'll probably just hang out, and, uh.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Well, that's all right.

• 24:54Conan O'Brien?

  If there's snacks.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Most people think we lay around and drink Chardonnay all day, we don't, as you probably have gathered, but you could, if you came to see us, you could lay around and drink Chardonnay all day.

• 25:04Conan O'Brien?

  Right, like one of the desperate housewives.

• 25:07Conan O'Brien?

  Completely covered.

• 25:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's, the sun is a problem for me, so I just stay, I'd stay below deck, I think, and, uh.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Put you in a big, big hat.

• 25:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'd just stay under the covers in my bed, my king-size bed, and, uh, I'd get one of those hats that you can drink beer out of, only I'd put Chardonnay in it. And just lie in there, and, uh.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I'm on a boat with my flippy floppies.

• 25:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, with my flippy floppies, yeah.

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  It's slim trunk.

• 25:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Marta, it was really nice talking to you. Stay safe.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  I have a question for you.

• 25:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you do? Okay, go ahead.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  I do. So I know that you are a pizza aficionado and the marinara is your go-to pizza.

• 25:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  So I went out with a group of friends. They said it's the best pizza place in... And I'm in Sicily, right? Everybody says it's the best pizza and every restaurant says it's the best pizza. It was so disappointing and I'd like to know when you are looking at these different pizzerias and throughout Italy or New York or wherever you are, how do you determine what a good pizzeria is?

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I have to see the pizza. I have to actually see the pizza. I have to get eyes on it. The best pizza I've had is in Naples. I had amazing pizza, Napoli. And so you could get there pretty quickly from where you are now. There's probably just a couple of hours. Depends on your ladder, your long.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. One hour in a car is eight hours for us.

• 26:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  It would take about three weeks to get there.

• 26:42Conan O'Brien?

  Really? I think you should get rid of the boat.

• 26:47Conan O'Brien?

  Just get a private plane, zip around.

• 26:51Conan O'Brien?

  But yeah, get eyes on the pizza and if it looks good, it probably is good. That's all I can tell you. You know, pizza is like people. I know a good one when I see one. Oh, looking around the room.

• 27:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 27:01Conan O'Brien?

  Lot of good people here. Lot of bad pizza in this room.

• 27:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  Marta, it was nice chatting with you. Happy sails.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  It was an honor.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  Remember Red Dawn at night, sailors won't fight, starboard to lea, mizzen mast.

• 27:16Conan O'Brien?

  What's going on?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Lots of glee.

• 27:18Conan O'Brien?

  Lots of glee. Thank you very much. Avoid the brie. It's been out in the sun. I think that's a hot dog bun.

• 27:24Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 27:25Conan O'Brien?

  I'm going to go to the hospital, but it was nice talking to you, Marta. You take care.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Okay, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for having me.

• 27:31Conan O'Brien?

  Bye-bye.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  Bye-bye, everyone. Buonasera.

• 27:34Conan O'Brien?

  Buonasera.

• 27:36Speaker 05

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Dougherty and Lisa Bern, engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 28:22Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 28:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 28:32Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 28:36Conan O'Brien?

  That's good.

• 28:37Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 28:38Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 28:40Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 28:42Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I remember that. That was not good.

• 28:44Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you've got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit RobertHalf.com/salaryguide.

• 29:06Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka-Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right? Yep. Well, did you know Alka-Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka-Seltzer Cold? Ooh. Did you know that, David? No, but I feel like we need it. Why didn't you know that, David? I know, you expect me to know everything. I knew this because I- Did you? Yeah, I've tried it. It's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka-Seltzer Cold into the water. You do, yeah. Alka-Seltzer Cold: Fast Dissolves Tablets Are Designed to Deliver Cold and Flu Relief Fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka-Seltzer Cold: Nothing works faster

• 29:49Conan O'Brien?

  for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.