Getting Engaged, Getting Off, and Getting Into Fights feat. Matthew Broussard

We loved chatting and laughing with comedian Matthew Broussard about proposals, orgasms, fights in a relationship, and more. He shares his unconventional engagement story and lets us into his relationship with his fiancé, including why vibrators are a must in the bedroom. We also talk about masturbating stigma, the complexity of the female orgasm, and whether guys fake orgasms. And we answer the question "Who starts more fights in the relationship – men or women?" and analyze some listener emails about blowjobs to completion, and why one woman's boyfriend won't let her post him on social media. Before Matthew joins us, we catch up on our trip to Austin, Ashley being deep in wedding planning, and Rayna going hard in her dating era. Enjoy! Follow Matthew on Instagram @mondaypunday and watch his special Hyperbolic. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com Skims: Check out SKIMS best intimates including the Fits Everybody Collection and more at https://www.skims.com/gge #skimspartner Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at https://nutrafol.com with code GGE10. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at https://rocketmoney.com/gge. Helix: Get 20% off at https://helixsleep.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 0:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Since you got engaged.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Yes, it is true.

• 0:06Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 0:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi guys.

• 0:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi guys.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Happy St. Patrick's Day.

• 0:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I didn't even know that's what that was.

• 0:33Rayna Greenberg?

  And you think I would, because I used to get, we talk about this every year, that's the drunkest day of my life growing up. I would like lose my car.

• 0:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 0:41Rayna Greenberg?

  My life.

• 0:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'll one up you. I used to report mine stolen. No, I was, I definitely was not driving on St. Patrick's Day, that's for sure. Even with all my, my past history, that was a day we got blackout.

• 0:50Rayna Greenberg?

  That was the day that my parents would pick me up from the parade in Pittsburgh downtown.

• 0:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  You would go to like a parade?

• 0:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we would go to a parade and my parents every year would have to pick me up like a small child. I'd be in college, they'd have to pick me up.

• 1:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, I think I've talked about this before, but we had these parties in Atlanta. They were at Park Tavern, like, there would be a couple of different ones, but this was like the start of the social season in Atlanta. Like this was literally like, we're all coming out, we're debutanting.

• 1:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Debutanting.

• 1:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Blacked out. And one was called Lucky Fest, and then I forget the other one. And then I worked for this company that threw these parties and I renamed our festival one year and I called it Leprecon. And that was one of my claims to fame. And they kept the name forever. They might still do it.

• 1:31Rayna Greenberg?

  You were wordsmith.

• 1:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, Leprecon.

• 1:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  The memories are just so.

• 1:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you have memories from it? I barely do.

• 1:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just the excitement, you know, like that was.

• 1:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Bagels in the morning. Did you guys do that?

• 1:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  You didn't live in such a Jewish area like I did, I guess.

• 1:46Rayna Greenberg?

  We always had green bagels.

• 1:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  You would like get up, do your pre-ameen and then just go get drunk in the streets? Like on a parade.

• 1:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You're asking me?

• 1:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:55Rayna Greenberg?

  So we would get up early, we'd make breakfast till like 8 a.m. My friend Anthony's and then like 20 people would come over and we would get like shitfaced, hammered to you couldn't even like exist anymore. And then we would take a bus downtown, like all these like blacked out kids. And then we would go to the parade and there was like so many people at the parade. And then my parents, I would be so drunk with like, we would go to Primanti Brothers and eat and they would have to come downtown and pick me up.

• 2:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so funny. You're like, Mom and Dad, come pick me up.

• 2:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I would be like 20 years old, just like fall down drunk.

• 2:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dad, I'm drunk, come pick me up. I mean, it's just funny, those holidays, like Cinco de Mayo too. Like, I would like take off work for it. I'd be like, obviously I'm taking off today. Like, obviously this is cultural for me. I'm, I, I, I need to get drunk.

• 2:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, me too. Rana Greenberg.

• 2:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I still will love to have a margarita on Cinco de Mayo, but I haven't celebrated St. Patrick's Day in so many years. And this really is one of those things you just age out of. It's like the way that we go back to Dewey Beach, like things are just different now. And it's okay. And that's life and you're supposed to grow up and we're not going to be getting blackout drunk on St. Patrick's Day at late 30s or 40s, you know? But it's just funny when you look back, you're like, God, it used to be the biggest deal.

• 2:59Rayna Greenberg?

  It was the best day. We talked about it for weeks. We planned outfits for weeks. We had like custom merch.

• 3:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, we get so lit. I miss it.

• 3:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Listen, it's important to just look back and say, I lived.

• 3:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I wasn't supposed to be that funny. All right. Well, let's thank some partners. Thanks to Rocket Money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions at rocketmoney.com/ggen-skims. Shop Skims Best Intimates Collection at skims.com and in stores.

• 3:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Nutriful. Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE10. And thank you to Helix. Get 20% off at helixsleep.com/gge. And Addy, learn more at addyi.com.

• 3:37Rayna Greenberg?

  So we're back from Austin, Texas. It's the first trip we've taken together since December.

• 3:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's my first flight of the year.

• 3:44Rayna Greenberg?

  That's so crazy.

• 3:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have not flown until this trip since when I came back from Delaware.

• 3:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  To LA post-Christmas on like December 27th.

• 3:56Rayna Greenberg?

  So you and I, I mean, the way that we've built our lives is like, I don't know that we were ever in town for more than like 10 days without going on to a flight. Like I'm having, I told you, there's like a bit of an identity crisis where I'm like, my life is not like land, try to nest a little bit in your house. Time to go back on the road again. So it's a really different pace of life for me.

• 4:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  This was really the longest it's been since I've been on a plane because obviously with touring, but even when we weren't touring last year, the first half of the year. And since mid 2023, I've been in a long distance relationship. So like, I was never three weeks without getting on a plane. So this was like a little over two months that I didn't fly. I was like, oh my God, like, how do I pack? Like, how do I get to the airport? Like, it was just, it'd been so long.

• 4:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I was really confused at the airport. I was like, I don't know how to do this anymore.

• 4:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we survived it.

• 4:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Our, our time together?

• 4:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Our flights.

• 4:46Rayna Greenberg?

  The flights.

• 4:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  We survived it. I will say, I flew there in seat 26A, next to one of the biggest men I've, I've seen on a plane. Huge dude, like my brother's size, like had to be 6'5", 6'6", 300 pounds, whatever. I was just squished against, I'm giving him a space. I want to preface this by saying, I feel for big dudes on planes, big people. And these seats are so small. I mean, my poor brother, like he really doesn't like to travel because it's so uncomfortable for him. Like, I really feel for any, I mean, I'm, my, my legs are touching the seat.

• 5:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. My brother and I cannot relate to you less.

• 5:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So like, I feel, I see like a big person on a plane. I'm like, oh God, they're going to be so uncomfortable.

• 5:26Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 5:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I always just try. I'm like, he can have the armrest, you know, I'm like huddled up against the window. When he got off the plane, I didn't even realize all he had with him. I was walking behind him on the jetway. He had a sweat towel and two phones. I'll post it on, on YouTube. The whole time I didn't realize, when he got up, I'm like, oh, he didn't grab anything. I'm walking behind him as we're exiting the plane. He had like a towel, probably because big guys get hot. Two phones, towel and two phones.

• 5:51Rayna Greenberg?

  What was that guy doing?

• 5:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then the way back, I flew in a middle seat. And I'm in the middle seat. I'm like, it's okay. It's been a minute since I've been the middle seat. I'm doing it.

• 6:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how people end up there.

• 6:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the back, in a middle seat, whatever. And the guy comes in, he sits by the aisle. I'm like, okay, he's fine. He's fine. Then, then a guy even bigger than guy number one comes in. This guy to be six, eight, three 50, huge dude, still wearing his lanyard.

• 6:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm sorry, that's a dork move to still be wearing your lanyard for the festival.

• 6:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  You woke up and you put it on.

• 6:25Rayna Greenberg?

  To go to the airport.

• 6:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  To go to the airport. But like a cute guy, like whatever. And I'm like, he's gonna be uncomfortable. So I'm sitting there. I'm like, it's okay. Neither of these guys smell bad. You know, no one's coughing except for me. And I was like, it's fine. It's fine. I'm gonna, I'm gonna survive it. And then as soon as we took off, that guy put his window shade up. I'm like, god damn it.

• 6:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You can't be lord of the window shade.

• 6:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not my finest flights.

• 6:46Rayna Greenberg?

  It was, I mean, it was really hard to get these flights. So we were going to South by and so was everybody else in LA. And there's a finite amount of direct flights from LA to Austin. And there wasn't one person that was on that plane that wasn't gone. We ran into so many like fun people in podcasting. We saw Emily Morse, who's been on the show a lot. And it was just like really fun. We saw the Lady Gang girls.

• 7:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  It really was fun. Like, we're in line, we see Emily Morse, and then this girl named Mal, who has a podcast, her and her partner, it's called Made It Out. We love them. We met her at the Biden event last, last year. And then we get on the plane and Jack and Kelty from Lady Gang are like, sitting there. Like, it was just a funny flight.

• 7:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It was just nice to be a part of it.

• 7:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 7:26Rayna Greenberg?

  And we had a really good weekend. It was fun.

• 7:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  We did have a good weekend. We did a lot of things. We like ran around and went to some panels and some events and parties and saw a lot of people, saw some former guests.

• 7:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Hugged Don Esdrile, saw Scott Galloway. I don't know, I had really had a time.

• 7:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it was fun. Ate tacos. So, we love Austin. We saw a lot of listeners, just like on the streets, like at the hotel. And it was like fun to run into you guys. We haven't been to Austin for a while. Maybe we'll, we'll come back, but yeah, no, no notes.

• 7:56Rayna Greenberg?

  We have a fun week ahead with your mom.

• 7:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So I just, I want to give a couple wedding planning updates. I have my date set. It is going to be November 1st, like I wanted. I just feel really happy. I feel like I put that out in the world. I said it on the podcast. I really wanted to get married on 111 and have a Halloween party the night before, and we're really doing it.

• 8:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm really excited for the outfits.

• 8:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I, I know. We're going to do some cultural stuff. So excited for all the fashion. And then speaking to that, my mom is flying in as we record that she will have just been here to go wedding dress shopping this weekend.

• 8:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Can you believe, can you believe you're going wedding dress shopping?

• 8:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I can't. I can't talk about it too much. I feel like I'm going to be such a mess.

• 8:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. It's like, it's this really just wonderful, special thing. And I think you're doing it right, including all these people. And it's just, it's going to be this like really wonderful, once in a lifetime moment.

• 8:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So my mom comes in and we have like a whole fun weekend planned and stuff with her and you'll be around and I'm going to take her to do some fun stuff she wants to do. She wants to go to this bookstore and we're going to go to this like great restaurant downtown before that and everything. But yeah, I have like one appointment Friday, one appointment Saturday. And I think that's fine. I'm going to find, I'll probably find one Friday. Like I'm probably, you know me, I'm probably like, it's the first one. I swear to God, just watch it be the first one. That's just weirdly how my life is always like, oh, it's the first one. That's the one. And you're always like, don't you want to? I'm like, no, I don't want to. With Tessa, one person, I was like, we're hiring her. You're like, do you want to interview other people? I'm like, no, I don't. I don't want to. We found her.

• 9:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, Tessa, I did, I did vote to interview other people. Not because you were great. I just, I don't like to accept a first offer.

• 9:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm trying to think of other, this happens to me a lot where I'm just like, it's the, oh, the venue, the venue where I'm getting married is the first one that came through on a proposal. And I was like, that's the one.

• 9:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Our agent at WME, a partner at WME, first email we ever got from an agent. We were like, that's our one. That's our guy. And it's just, that's been our only guy.

• 9:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So I'm just big on like, it's why, why look further? You know, why, why confuse yourself? But so, yes, we're going, you're gonna hopefully come to both appointments. One on Friday.

• 9:53Rayna Greenberg?

  What else, hopefully, what else am I doing?

• 9:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 9:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Actually, I'm so busy, I have a brunch, I can't come.

• 9:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then a couple other friends as well, but I just think it's gonna be really emotional. And I just keep kind of thinking about these moments and like what a wedding dress means. You know, like it's varying degrees of importance, but it does feel special to me and to pick it out. And then I think about the moment, like when my dad and my brother will walk in, like when I'm all ready. And like, I just, how do you like, keep it together? Like, I don't know, I, this is like a real concern. Like, my eyes are just gonna be all red, I'm gonna be like crying, my mascara, like, something about that moment, like, you've been with the girls all day, and then just something about your dad walks in and Matt, and just, you know, maybe like Jay will be with him, and I'm just gonna like, lose my fucking mind.

• 10:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I don't know what you're, I don't know what to do. I don't know what you're supposed to do. I have no idea.

• 10:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I, I watch like Love is Blind even, or any show with those type of scenes, and I think about how that's gonna be my reality in a few months. And I'm just like, I'm gonna be a disaster.

• 10:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, you need eye drops, you need the makeup artist just on call.

• 10:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Just ready to like, clean you up.

• 11:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause you know Matt's gonna get emotional.

• 11:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 11:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, when Matt sheds a tear, it's over for everybody.

• 11:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't even look at Matt, this, how am I supposed to marry you, Ashley?

• 11:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 11:11Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't understand, like, I think about this speech, and like, how the fuck am I gonna do it?

• 11:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 11:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna have to run it so many times, so that I'm numb to it.

• 11:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, I would like, wanna be in the moment, really feel it.

• 11:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, but, well, that's the thing, like, I can shut it down. Like, I'm not saying I'm like, some cold, hard bitch. I can, I can turn it off, like, I can be like, keep it together. Well, right, I've never gotten married before, but in general, but I don't want to. I wanna feel the things. But how do you feel the things without like, crying or your makeup off?

• 11:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, I think you should, and I think we'll get some great photos, and we'll meme them.

• 11:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, if anybody has tips, I'd like to hear them.

• 11:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 11:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because I'm gonna lose my shit on that altar.

• 11:52Rayna Greenberg?

  So we were at this thing at South by Southwest and Kara Swisher, who is an incredible journalist and now podcaster, she hosts a podcast with Scott Galloway. She was like hosting this little thing and she's so small and she came out and set up a little stepstool. And I was like, that's me raining at my wedding.

• 12:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. You thought that?

• 12:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 12:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's like my size.

• 12:15Rayna Greenberg?

  She's my size.

• 12:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not kidding.

• 12:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I need a stool.

• 12:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  You are gonna stand on a stool, right?

• 12:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I will look ridiculous in the photos if I'm not, and I want like, okay, let's get me a stool, but let's put like some draping on top of the stool so it doesn't look like a stool. Like I want like some white draping on top of it.

• 12:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, we'll talk about today.

• 12:32Rayna Greenberg?

  And I'm, we were talking about like what my outfits were gonna be, like I'm gonna marry you in one outfit and like go to the party in another outfit. Like I have so much to think about you guys for this wedding.

• 12:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, so I'm going over there right after this, I'm going over to the venue, meeting with my wedding planner, who, her name's Jaclyn, I'm obsessed with her, the wedding plan and company is her company. I mentioned them before, you guys can check them out, but this is gonna feel real, I'm gonna feel like a real bride today.

• 12:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 12:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like going to the venue, like with the planner, just me and her, making decisions.

• 12:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Every time you tell me a decision you made that you didn't include me, and I'm like, you did that without me? You're telling me about like you and other Ashley, like working on some photography stuff? And I was like, was I not CC'd on these emails? It's so weird for me that you like have conversations with Ashley without me and like with venues without me. And I'm just like, oh, these are conversations happening like behind my back?

• 13:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's funny that there are some like work things where I'm like, you know, Ashley's gonna have to help with the drum line and all that.

• 13:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  The strippers reached out, they were like, Leon messaged me, he was like, you said, you know, you were joking about having strippers at your wedding, but we're ready.

• 13:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Can we do like a dancing down the aisles with the strippers? I think that's an amazing idea.

• 13:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like I'm down, like let's just fucking blow it out. You know?

• 13:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't wait. So just start CCing me on the event.

• 13:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, perfect.

• 13:52Rayna Greenberg?

  And I felt the same way when I was like renovating my house where I was like making all these decisions. I was on emails with like Ashley was like working on this partnership for me and our business manager is dealing with payments. And like I'm making all these decisions without you and it felt like a little weird.

• 14:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Who, who let me do this?

• 14:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. This does feel weird. Like, you know, we always joke about this. Like you just, sometimes you still feel like a kid. Like I still feel like what business do I have planning a wedding? Like, you know, like buying a house. Like you're just like, oh, I'm a real adult.

• 14:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Who let me do this?

• 14:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like I have to put down a deposit.

• 14:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I picked paint colors.

• 14:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Have to pay for this?

• 14:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I picked an, I picked an island for my kitchen.

• 14:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did you ever feel like you're like, wait, I have to buy this?

• 14:33Rayna Greenberg?

  That's why, yeah, the check I wrote for my renovation.

• 14:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  They just sent me a payment link. I'm like, what?

• 14:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I felt.

• 14:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  What a weird decision not to make my parents pay for this. I just sent it to my dad. I'm like, can you cover this one?

• 14:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Every time I wrote a check for this stupid renovation, I was just like, why do I not have a husband or a dad that's paying for this? I'm just out here. I mean, they, they were like, final payments due blah blah. I was like, by who? Oh, I have to pay for this?

• 15:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, I have to pay for this house? Like my parents, they don't, they're not going to cover this?

• 15:07Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, I'm like, who let me in here and let me make these decisions? And now I have to pay for the decisions I shouldn't have been allowed to make?

• 15:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so fun. And like my mom, she wants to pay for my dress, but I don't know. I'm, it depends on how much it is. Like there is going to be a point where it's going to be like, all right. Like I don't know her top level budget.

• 15:24Rayna Greenberg?

  She's just gonna like wink at you and be like, I knew you'd get this. Budget?

• 15:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna hold her to it. Okay, have you guys discussed the budget? No, let's just see how it goes. Well, I'm really, I'm very, very excited. This is like the first really, really tangible like week of like wedding stuff. Yeah. All right, well, I'll come to the tastings and we'll talk. I'm not doing tastings. I mean, you're not gonna taste the food? Well, I'm sure it's fine.

• 15:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Let me take care of this for you.

• 15:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  What do you mean? I know where we're getting married. They do great food. You have to use their food. I was like, I'm sure they got it. I can't believe this. I don't even know what I'm hearing. I don't know. Like, what am I gonna say? This is bad now?

• 16:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Isn't there an option of like eight things and you try them and you pick which of those things you want?

• 16:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but it's just like.

• 16:08Rayna Greenberg?

  This isn't like a boat cruise for my birthday where you just pick stuff off of a list at your wedding. You gotta go try it. What are you talking about?

• 16:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Like, I'm just like, I'm sure it's fine. What?

• 16:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Can't get over this.

• 16:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know, like.

• 16:23Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't wanna go get yourself like a free meal and hang out?

• 16:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't think wedding food is ever that great. You know, I have to go with them where I'm getting married. They do the food. They do a great job and that's what they're gonna do, the food.

• 16:34Rayna Greenberg?

  You're just gonna pick stuff off a list and hope for the best.

• 16:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  That sounds good.

• 16:37Rayna Greenberg?

  We're so different.

• 16:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  That sounds fine. Tess and I will go. And I just wanna do stations.

• 16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, what's gonna be on the stations?

• 16:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, just whatever. Actually, I should just let my fiance, this can be his thing.

• 16:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Him and I will go to the tasting.

• 16:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, you guys will go.

• 16:49Rayna Greenberg?

  That's how we bond together.

• 16:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's how their affair starts.

• 16:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll do. I have to like sit down with each of you to plan what I'm gonna say to marry you guys and have to ask you each like a series of questions. And so maybe I'll ask him his series of questions over the wedding tasting.

• 17:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, perfect.

• 17:02Rayna Greenberg?

  That's how you ensure that we don't start our affair.

• 17:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you guys go to a tasting together, I feel like the planners would be like, so what actually is happening here?

• 17:09Rayna Greenberg?

  It is a little weird.

• 17:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it's fine. We'll figure it out.

• 17:11Rayna Greenberg?

  All three of us will go together. Tess and I will go.

• 17:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's the last thing I care about is the food.

• 17:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I can't relate. But I know to your point, there's one vendor, they do this every week. You trust them. Like, this is why I would not necessarily encourage people to get like a not turnkey venue. Like, you want people to do this all the time, every week. They're a machine.

• 17:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it's not that I don't care about the guest experience. We're paying a shit ton of money for the food and the drinks. Like, it's not that. It's not like, oh, we ordered a couple pizzas.

• 17:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 17:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's just like, I'm sure it's gonna be fine.

• 17:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's a wedding venue, so you know, they're gonna do a great job.

• 17:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think the chef is really excited. Like, he's like excited to do some like Indian stuff for Friday. Yeah, we'll work it out.

• 17:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I'll go and I'll let you know how the Indian food is.

• 17:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, tell, what's going on with you? However, much you want to share. That's your call. Also, it's so crazy wearing a red hat. Okay.

• 17:58Rayna Greenberg?

  It's maroon. Wait, can I tell you, our friend Lex Nico, who we like quote sometimes, drove past my house and she immediately sent me a voicemail. She goes, I had to literally double back because I thought you were wearing a red hat. And I was like, it's maroon. And I actually thought it was like a little too dark for what I was on my way to do. And I changed hats last time. But now I'm on camera. You can see it's maroon.

• 18:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  It really is crazy. Like, you can't just like, wear a red hat.

• 18:19Rayna Greenberg?

  No, that's crazy.

• 18:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, yeah, I guess you can.

• 18:21Rayna Greenberg?

  It's maroon.

• 18:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 18:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I'm going to tell you guys about Nutriful. I couldn't live without it, truly. My hair journey has been tumultuous, to say the least. I had a situation in 2023 that was hormonal, where I just noticed so much thinning, shedding, hair issues. My hair looked completely different. And I turned to Nutriful and I still obviously take it to this day. I take my four capsules every single day. They really are the go to. I mean, I know so many other women who have turned to Nutriful as well. They have a proactive approach to target the root causes of what could be going on with your hair. And I have just seen improved hair growth, decreased shedding, visible thickness, all while taking Nutriful. I just think there's so much of our, you know, how we feel about ourselves

• 19:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  as women and our confidence can be really rooted in the way we feel like our hair looks and feels. And so it's so important to, if you really are struggling with something, to to find a solution. Nutriful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. You can see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutriful. Nutriful clinically tests final formulations to ensure their efficacy. In a clinical study, 86% of women reported improved hair growth after taking Nutriful Women Hair Growth Supplement for six months. That's what I take. I take the Nutriful Women, but they have different formulas as well. They have a formula for older women. If you're going through menopause, they have men's formulas as well. So you guys can check it out and you can start your hair growth journey with Nutriful. For a limited

• 19:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  time, Nutriful is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GG10. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend Nutriful for healthier hair. nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code GGE10. That's nutrafol.com promo code GGE10.

• 20:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, we've all been there. You sign up for a subscription, you forget about it, the trial period ends, and then you are charged. And this takes me so long to realize this is actually happening. And it happens for most people month after month. Subscriptions are there, you're not using them. And I have learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. So thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I love the interface of this app. It's all in one place and you really can track so much and see what you're spending, see how you can budget and lower your bills. Rocket Money

• 20:54Rayna Greenberg?

  will even help negotiate lowering bills for you. So they automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. And you can create a personalized budget and customize the categories. I mean, it really is just a one stop shop. And Rocket Money has over 5 million users that have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. You can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your finance goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/GE today. That's rocketmoney.com/GE. Rocketmoney.com/GE.

• 21:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so what's up with you?

• 21:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm on one.

• 21:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  You really are on one.

• 21:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I've really been on one. And I've been threatening for years to start dating

• 21:38Rayna Greenberg?

  in a more meaningful, like, serious way. And fuck, am I doing it.

• 21:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  You really are. I mean, you said you feel like me in 2023, where I said in 2023, like, this is here, I'm gonna find a partner. And I started dating my now fiance in May. And I was on one for those four-ish, four and a half months. Like, every way I could find someone to date, I was doing it. I was doing the apps. I hired a matchmaker. And then I started to get into, like, slut mode. And I was like, we're going on the road, and I'm fucking.

• 22:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Turbo slut.

• 22:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, and I got off the pill, and I just felt so, you know, like, happy and horny. And, you know, and then I met, I met my man. And I, I just had this feeling. You were gonna feel like that. Like, I told you, I was like, if you really feel like you do want to find somebody before this milestone birthday you have coming up, which is how I felt, I was like, you might start to feel a little panicked. I was like, you gotta get a little panicked.

• 22:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley said you gotta get scared.

• 22:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  You gotta get a little scared. You gotta feel a real fire under you and like, let that lead you. Let that light the way.

• 22:41Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, when you are in the zone, I mean, it just, a body emotion stays in motion. And like, when you're just in it, you're really in it. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of time to like, kickstart your mojo, or feel like you want to be bothered. I mean, you and I have been on tour for seven years. It's hard for me to say like, what came first, the chicken or the egg, but like, I haven't had time to date, so I haven't dated. But like, do I use touring as an excuse to not have to be vulnerable people? You know, who's to say? Like, have I used our schedule as a way to not have a partner and not feel bad about it, you know? And I've had all these long distance relationships for all these years, or people that are too young for me, or don't make sense to me. And it's because I really haven't had the time and the energy. Like, dating is a lot, it's a full-time job.

• 23:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Going on dating apps, talking to people, getting to the date, doing a matchmaker, or a therapist, or a dating coach, whatever you want to do. Like, that's, that's a lot of time and energy, and I haven't really had that. And so, this is the first time in so many years I've even had that time for myself. And I'm like, doing all of it. Like, I'm having a great time on dating apps. I'm meeting guys in person. I have a matchmaker who's fantastic, and also a therapist who I'm just, what I'm really getting out of it is just really looking at myself, and what I'm doing on dates, and how I'm approaching other people, and how I can be better and different, and looking at the relationships around me that I really respect and, and hold on a pedestal, and thinking, you know, how can I emulate that behavior? And it's just, once you get going, there's just a vibe about you.

• 24:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, yeah, and it's like, it radiates from you. It's also just an inner confidence too. You know, like, that's the whole thing. Like, it's sometimes you just have to get started. Not that you just started dating, you know, at this point in your life, but something totally did get like, triggered. And I can just tell, you just seem really happy. You just seem really confident, and like, that comes across. And you said you've been like, using that trick from Shan to like, look at somebody like you, you're thinking about fucking them.

• 24:40Rayna Greenberg?

  So Shan Pujan was on our show a couple of weeks ago and she said that like when you want to kind of like get someone's attention, get in the zone, you actually just start thinking about fucking them. And you, I feel it in my face. I feel my lips flush. I feel my pupils dilate. Like I can feel it in my body. Yeah. I think that, you know, people always say like a pear and a sperry, you should date a bunch of people at once. And that is really hard to do, I will say, because you forget things that somebody said. Or you're juggling between text messages between people and, you know, I'm certainly not making any promises to anybody that I'm exclusive with them. Nor am I asking them what their dating life is like. So. They're trying to lock you down. People are trying to make exclusive with you. I think that that's the energy I'm giving off. Yeah. And it's allowing it all to feel a little bit lighter. Like if a date gets canceled, that's okay, because you have another one.

• 25:25Rayna Greenberg?

  And also like it's nice to do this in tandem with, I mean, whether you're doing it with a therapist or a dating coach, whatever. And just talking to somebody and downloading like how I'm behaving and how I'm experiencing things. Like I'm really liking this therapist essentially that I'm working with who's a matchmaker. And just, I've been talking to her a lot about like making another person feel needed. And she said, you know, something that comes up a lot with her, she said, high net worth clients that are females that are really busy and high functioning and a little older is that like you struggle to make a partner feel needed. Because number one, you probably don't actually quote unquote, need anybody. Especially somebody, I mean, I don't need your sperm. I don't want to have kids. I don't need your money. I don't necessarily need your advice on anything. I think I'm really smart. I'm surrounded by great people.

• 26:06Rayna Greenberg?

  But like people want to feel like you need them. People don't want to feel disposable. Men really need to feel like you need them. And, you know, it's for me finding a balance of like, I don't want to be inauthentic and pretend that I need something that I don't, but I want to make somebody feel like their advice is really valuable to me. That I'm really excited to hear their insights on how to do things and how I could do it better. And even if I think I'm really good at something, just like giving somebody else their flowers of like, you did a great job. Rather than approaching it of like. Well, normally I would do this myself, but like I allowed you to do this.

• 26:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 26:40Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, and I've, I've found that really helpful and I talked a lot about you and my other best friend Melanie and just like how you guys show up in your relationships, your partners and make them feel needed. And I'm, I'm finding it a really useful exercise to do them in tandem. Hot take, go to therapy while you're dating. But like, I don't want to like, talk about dating hypothetically. I want to be like, these are the things that happened and these are how I'm acting and behaving.

• 27:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I love that. I mean, I don't know if you felt like any sort of hesitancy to like, turn the mirror back on yourself. Like, okay, what, what could it be that I could be like, doing, doing wrong? But I think when you really do want to find somebody, that's like an important thing. I mean, when I worked with a matchmaker too, I was like, I just want to be completely honest with her. I want her to like, hold me accountable, you know? And I was on the verge of talking to a therapist too, to be like, what could I be missing? I'm open to feedback, you know? Like, I'd like to know, is there something like, I'm putting out there that I could be doing differently? And we had a friend that had a therapist in New York that she really credits with making it work with her now husband.

• 27:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  They have two children and part of it was to like, making him feel needed. I always think about that. We went on this trip and she kind of explained what had been going on with her and her therapist. And I always took note of that, but it's just important to be like, I gotta be missing something. Like, I don't know, I'm not saying everybody has like some issue they don't know about, but like, what's the harm?

• 28:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I think there's like, certainly a lid for every pot. And I think that like, we've talked about this before, like, people that are in relationships, they haven't done all the work and I'm so broken and people that are single are so broken, like, but yes, I have been single for quite some time and there are things I could just work on in general with another person. And I think that there is a hesitancy to be vulnerable and I've again, used touring to use that as an excuse to not have to be like that. And the other piece of advice that I was telling you that she gave me that I thought was really helpful is, you know, you and I have always told people, build a life you're proud of and you'll be fine without a partner. And I, I do believe those things. I think that you should be solid on your own, but she was asking me what's important to me to partner. I said, you know, at the end of the day, I just want somebody to like, walk in the door and I want to be so excited to hear about what they did today.

• 28:45Rayna Greenberg?

  And I want to know their thoughts on what they did and I want to be excited to tell them what I did. And I just want to be like, amped to like, cook dinner with you and hear your thoughts on the world. And you know, I've been talking about people that are curious, like, I said, that's really important to me. And she said, you know, I, I hear you saying this and she said, what would it be like? To like, think that you could have this. And I was like, well, I'll be fine either way. And that's good. That's important to think those things. And she said, well, what if you did this exercise at night where you just like, close your eyes and you imagine standing outside of your house, looking in the window and saying to yourself, like, I can have these things. Not, it's fine if I don't. Saying like, it is out there and this is what I require and I really want this and I can have this. Don't sell yourself to like, it's fine if I don't get this. And she's like, of course you'll be fine if you don't get this. And we always preach that to our listeners. But like,

• 29:29Rayna Greenberg?

  it has helped me to reframe dating in the last couple of weeks also of like, it's not no big deal to me if I don't hear from somebody or if it doesn't work out. Like, I really want to be intentional about this and have intentional conversations. And I've like pushed myself to really talk about things that are vulnerable with somebody and not keep it so light and silly and just interview them and not offer information about myself. I just, it's helped me a lot to just reframe this whole thing. I'm becoming a whole different person to you guys.

• 29:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really love that. And we talked about this, you know, privately. I told you how I felt in 2023, when I felt like it was really my main goal to find a partner. And that's what I wanted to dedicate my time and energy to. When I felt ready and I made the space for it and I really feel like I manifested it. And of course, I would have been fine. Like, of course, I would have been like, if I didn't find him and I turned 40, single, I ended the year single, if I was still single today, I'd be fine. You know, but I wasn't really willing to be like, but it'll be fine if I don't. I wasn't thinking like that. It was like, oh, I will. This really has to happen or it's gonna feel bad. Like, honestly, like,

• 30:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  yes, I'll survive it. Like, like everything else, we survive in our lives, but I will be really upset. This is what I want. I want it now. I want to do my best to try to get it. And I'll be really bummed if I don't. So I don't really want to think about that. I don't really want to think about the alternative. I want to think about like, no, no, no. Let's cross that bridge when we get to it. I want to make this happen.

• 31:03Rayna Greenberg?

  And it's a good way to approach things if you really want. I mean, that's what we would do with any job is failure is not an option. You know, we didn't start this podcast with like, maybe it'll take off, maybe it won't. We were like, it will, and I will take every step possible to make sure it will. And it isn't like, if it doesn't, no big deal. I mean, yeah, I would have survived. You and I would have found another way to make money and another business. But like, I don't want to be like, it's fine if it doesn't.

• 31:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Failure is not an option. It's like a very funny way to put it. That's how I felt.

• 31:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like if no one asked me, well, Ashley, what if you don't find somebody, you know, in the next six months? Like, I wasn't like, failure is not an option. But like, that's kind of how I felt. I would have been like, I don't know. I don't want to talk to you about that right now. I'll live. I'll be pissed.

• 31:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'll be living pissed.

• 31:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I just, I love that, that note. The like, stop protecting your future self. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Yeah, of course, you'll be fine. We will all survive it. Why not just think like, uh, failure is not an option?

• 32:03Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the thing that like broke me. We talked for an hour and I like really got super emotional. Cause like, I've never let myself even think like, it's just not an option to not do this. And of course it's an option and of course I'll be fine. But like, it's the same thing with manifesting. Like when people are like, you put this out into the world, like to make it a little less woo woo, just say to yourself like, I will have this and I will take every step to go get it. And it's allowed me to just like, kind of keep pushing and keep my confidence up. And I've met some really great, cool, smart, hot people. And I'm going to continue to do that.

• 32:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 32:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Not make any promises to anybody about anything. And you know, at some point, a winner will emerge.

• 32:44Rayna Greenberg?

  And I've even like, even on Field, which is an app to meet people to have sex with, my profile says I'm looking for a life partner.

• 32:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 32:50Rayna Greenberg?

  And that is how I want people to approach me too. And you, we've looked at other people's dating apps a lot and said like, what you're putting out here is not that. And so I wanted to be like, very clear, like, I will fuck you.

• 33:04Rayna Greenberg?

  But also, I would like a life partner.

• 33:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I told you that in advance. Yeah, and I think it's just like, you guys know, our message is never that you should want somebody, or that you need somebody, or that you should feel this way. This is just the way that I felt you feel now, to an extent that like, I'm ready and I want it. And before that, I didn't.

• 33:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Not that, not as badly as I.

• 33:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not before, before I really decided, I was like, this is fine. I don't, I don't, I'm not claiming to really want to be in a relationship. I'm not really putting in that much effort. We're doing other stuff and that's fine. And I'll make that decision when I feel like it.

• 33:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I mean, I've just, I feel like when I'm looking at these guys or meeting guys, like somebody who doesn't live in LA, that's a turn off to me. A certain age is a turn off to me. Like, I mean, I know you're in a long distance relationship and I'll make one work if I have to. But like, I want to be, it's helping me to be more intentional about who I say yes to, you know?

• 34:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, she's killing it, you guys.

• 34:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I really am out here.

• 34:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  She is out here.

• 34:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Stay tuned.

• 34:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, we have a really fun interview for you guys today with Matthew Broussard. So we will get into that. But before that, I'm just going to tell you about Helix. Oh my gosh, we were just traveling, you guys, in no shade to the hotel, but obviously they did not have Helix mattresses. So I was just tossing and turning. It was like, I cannot wait to be back at home in my Helix bed. You guys know, these are the mattresses that we have in our homes, in our guest rooms, our families have them. I just can't imagine my life without it. So we just love this brand. I mean, this is something I get messages about. I don't know if you get messages of like, do you really love it? It's like, yeah, I wouldn't sit up here and lie. We don't do that. I certainly wouldn't lie about the mattress I'm sleeping on.

• 34:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I have so many house guests and people just like rave about my mattress pads, my pillows and the mattress itself.

• 34:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So you guys can go to their site and you'll take this little quiz and they will match you to your perfect mattress. Everybody I've known that's taken the quiz and then has asked me questions, like, do you think this is the right match? I also interview them and I tell them that yes, that's the right match. And then that's the one that they order and that's the one that they love. So I have a King Midnight Luxe, I'm obsessed with it. I have a Moonlight Luxe in my guest room. My best friend and her husband have the Dusk Luxe that they love. They want a little bit firmer mattress. So you're going to answer questions regarding if you sleep on your front, your back, your side, if you roll around, if you sleep hot. And again, all those things are going to help you address those issues. They have their standard mattresses. They have

• 35:32Rayna Greenberg?

  The Luxe mattresses, I do have the Midnight Luxe. They have the Elite mattresses that are even better, and this is just going to improve your sleep and really help you be so comfortable and honestly get excited to get into bed at night, which is something I've never felt until really I got a Helix. So you can go to helixsleep.com/gge for 20% off sitewide. That's helixsleep.com/gge for 20% off sitewide. helixsleep.com/gge. And you guys know that we have been raving about Skims bras and underwear since we got them. I have so much fit. Actually, this guy, I opened up my underwear drawer the other day and he was like, he has so much underwear. And I was like, it's Skims. Yeah. So the underwear I have on now actually is their Fits Everybody thong.

• 36:14Rayna Greenberg?

  And then the bra that I have on is the Fits Everybody t-shirt bra. And I pretty much only wear that. I have it in Onyx. I have it in like a nude and the cocoa color that they do. And it's Underwire. I like to sleep in a bra. I always have. And sometimes it's not super comfortable, but this one I do sleep in. It's the only bra that I'm not like excited to take off at the end of the day. It's really comfy. And I use their pajamas. It's just, it's all soft and comfy. They have tons of sizes and tons of colors. So you guys can check them all out. But the Underwire bras really have made a comeback in the world and on my body. So guys, you can check it out. Shop Skims Best Intimates, including the Fits Everybody collection at skims.com and Skims stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select Podcast in the survey and be sure to select

• 36:58Rayna Greenberg?

  our show in the drop down menu that follows.

• 37:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, Raina, let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you lost your libido?

• 37:05Rayna Greenberg?

  My sex drive. Is that like a serious question? I'd never recover.

• 37:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of premenopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that there's a treatment called Addy that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain premenopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if Addy is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

• 37:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that women have this option.

• 37:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same. You can go learn more at addyi.com. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Addy, or Flavanturin, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner. The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or medicine or other drug use. Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addy dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addy at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over the counter, or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addy, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addy.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addyi.com/PI, or call 844-PINK-PILL.

• 38:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Addy. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com. And let's get into it.

• 38:47Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome a brand new guest today. He's a New York City comedian. You have seen him literally everywhere, The Tonight Show, MTV, Comedy Central, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The League, The Mindy Project. His unbelievably funny special, Hyperbolic, is out now. Please welcome to the show Matthew Broussard.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Hey, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much for watching the special as well. I really appreciate that.

• 39:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Thanks for being here. We loved it.

• 39:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we both watched it last night, just, you know, procrastinated until the night before.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  But still, 48 minutes of attention is a crazy thing.

• 39:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I will tell you.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  To ask from someone, so thank you.

• 39:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  It flew by.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  I appreciate that.

• 39:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's so good.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 39:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, we just want to hype you, and we already did this in private, but for our audience, that it's just so tight, so polished, so funny, just flows perfectly.

• 39:32Rayna Greenberg?

  You really run the gamut. You talk about being Jewish a lot. You talk about your mom, you talk about your fiance, and how you can't make her come. We are going to get some.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  That's like the, I was just on another podcast, like, let's talk about you can't make your fiance come. I'm like, that's the takeaway. All right. It's a great, it's a

• 39:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  We'll get to it because I have like so many thoughts, but I have, we have a burning question for you. I've been wanting to ask you this for months since you got engaged, which it came up on my feed and you collabed it with Laura, your fiance.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  It is true.

• 39:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  No. She proposed to you.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  She proposed to me.

• 40:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, she didn't.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Yes, that was a real thing. Everyone took it as a bit.

• 40:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  My friend this morning was like, that's a bit. And I was like, that's not a bit.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  How great did her ass look in that picture, by the way?

• 40:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  She looked amazing. This is so funny. So there's a picture of her proposing you on the beach and we can put up on the screen, but I think she posted a comment or something because I follow her too, and she's wonderful. It was like, Laura, you have an absolute dump truck.

• 40:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then she wrote, why do you think I posted this photo? Her ass looks so good.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Pixar mom ass. Yeah.

• 40:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  She looks great. You guys both look great, but she's down on one knee and I, everybody thought it was a joke.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. Also, I'm sorry, but like, I do take pride in if you, if you just looked at me and didn't know anything about me, you'd be like, I bet that guy has an attractive wife who has no ass. And I'm like, no, no, no. I actually have, uh, yeah, I think she has a, yeah. Where do you want the story to start?

• 40:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  At the beginning.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  I do talk about it on the road. So if anyone comes to me live, I actually have a lot more about it, but it started with, the, the truth is she had actually said years ago, there was something she wanted to do. She, she had made it known early that she wanted to propose to me. And at one point she kind of hinted that she had bought a ring already, but we've been together eight years.

• 41:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  For her.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  I know that sounds obvious, but we've been together eight years and then the tone kind of changed into, so when's it going to happen? Making some jokes about it, talking about a little bit on stage. We just went to Italy. He didn't propose.

• 41:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  And so it's like.

• 41:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's also a comedian, by the way.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  She's also a comedian. Yes.

• 41:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  We'll get back to it.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  I felt it was now time for me to maybe start planning to do it. Like she had maybe changed her mind and then Thailand happened and I just, I didn't see it coming. We were heading out for, for dinner and I was, I threw on some like shorts and a t-shirt. She was like, wear a nicer shirt. I'm like, ugh.

• 41:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is she about to propose? Like, get my, get your nails done, Matthew.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  And I go, okay, can I wear shorts? She was like, wear jeans. I'm like, you're suffocating me. Why can't I make any decisions? You're too controlling. She was like, just, just shut up and do it. And we went out for dinner and then she brought a tripod. She's like, let's take a nice picture. And she puts the tripod down and I'm, you know, 10 meters away, kind of a long walk. And she, uh, she just stands there with the tripod. And he goes, let's take the picture. She goes, let's wait for the beach to clear out. So we can get a nice picture.

• 42:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did you have an idea?

• 42:06Speaker 01

  No idea, no idea.

• 42:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Every woman knows at this point.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Well, it's not difficult to be expected to propose to.

• 42:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you were a woman, you would have been like, oh, I've been knowing.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 42:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Since the shorts conversation.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Yes, I had no idea.

• 42:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  We waited like 10 minutes for the beach to clear out. And then she, you know, hits the, what I think is the timer button for a picture. And she walks up to me and then just big googly eyes and stares at me and I go, hurry the fuck up. It's a 10 second timer. I don't want to have to do this all over again. Uh, and then she proposed and it was a very magical moment.

• 42:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then she, okay, so she drops one knee.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Uh huh. It was a video, it turned out.

• 42:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, and she has the box and she bought you a ring? Like, did she buy herself?

• 42:47Speaker 01

  She bought herself a ring.

• 42:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  She did? Okay, so that was my question. Her ring was in the box?

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Uh huh, for herself. She bought herself a ring. It's still her.

• 42:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can we call Laura? We should have had you two together.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Have her on the pod.

• 43:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we will.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  You're her side of it, yeah.

• 43:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why did, because she's richer than you. But you talk about it a lot in the special.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  She made good money. I don't talk about this part much. I did end up proposing back to her, just as like.

• 43:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally, like you're a lesbian couple.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, is that what lesbians do?

• 43:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think sometimes.

• 43:18Rayna Greenberg?

  And you bought yourself a ring in that case?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  I bought her another ring that is, I would say tastefully, uh, between, uh, like a band and a ring. In that it could, it has a diamond, so it could pass as like a formal ring you propose with. But it's also one you could kind of casually wear and doesn't snag on things.

• 43:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  In between.

• 43:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we got to circle back to her saying, I always wanted to propose to someone. Just as a child, she was like, one day I want to like, do you know where that comes from? I mean, she's obviously super confident, like alpha woman, would you say? I mean, she's an athlete. She was almost in the Olympics. I mean, why?

• 43:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Where does this come from?

• 43:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  She's a surprising person. She was a professional athlete. She's a very driven type A person. She has some masculine qualities. Uh, in terms of things we typically ascribe towards men, very, very bullheaded, very self-confident in a lot of ways. And likes to do things herself, likes to take charge of things. I think the athlete background might be part of it. She also thought it was just fun and different to do it that way.

• 44:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  And subversive to patriarchal norms.

• 44:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, okay, so she's. Kind of a dominant personality. You say she has like masculine traits, but you're not giving like feminine traits. Like you seem like a confident masculine guy. Like I'm just

• 44:33Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't see yourself like that?

• 44:34Speaker 01

  I don't see myself that way.

• 44:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Really?

• 44:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  How do you see yourself?

• 44:36Speaker 01

  I'm emotional. I'm emotional. I'm vulnerable. I'm not afraid to express emotions. I communicate. And our relationship, and I'm sure in every relationship, some of the feminine masculine dynamics are reversed. I know the whole notion of women talk, talk, talk, and men are very quiet. We're very much the opposite. I'm just chatty, chatty, chatty, chatty. And I have to like work to get her to express her feelings on things. And that might just be Jew versus German there.

• 44:59Rayna Greenberg?

  It is very Jewish.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I don't think that expressing emotions means not masculine. I guess I just, you come across like you're just like confident and secure and you know, that's more of what I, what I mean.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  That's nice to hear.

• 45:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:12Rayna Greenberg?

  No beta energy. It's because he's tall.

• 45:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's because you're tall and good looking. That's what it is. You know. But I mean, you do comedy. That's, you know, takes a lot of confidence too. So I just, you know, I like, I like the dynamic you guys seem to have going on.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  I, I think it's good having loose definitions of what masculinity means.

• 45:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I'd like to think that there are, I don't want to sound like Justin Baldoni or something, but I'm like, I think there are feminine traits that, that men should aim to possess.

• 45:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  And that, that are good for everyone. And, and sometimes be, I think the greatest strength is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and, and knowing your weaknesses and knowing you're not the toughest person. I think that is, that is a more complete form of, of myself.

• 45:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Thanks for saying all that. I love hearing somebody say that. And I watched your special. It was really interesting because you talk about like your fiancee making more money than you. And it's just, it's like fun to listen to. It's not in a way where I'm like watching this guy where I'm like, he was just looking for a sugar mama. This guy who's just like found some like alpha lady. He's so beta. I just, it feels equal playing field the way you talk about it. I don't describe it. I didn't like, I didn't look at some guy and think like, poor him. I thought the way he speaks about it is that he's proud of her. He's impressed by her. He's not emasculated by this behavior either.

• 46:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  In your better comedy, you say?

• 46:23Speaker 01

  It's the one.

• 46:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I laughed so, I mean, and then I started coughing. But like when you said, like, when you started to comment, I forget the line.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  I got to finally see her do comedy and not only is she really good, she's also not as good as me.

• 46:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's perfect.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  Don't quit our day job.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Which I try to a lot. I like to, I think comedy is better from the perspective of what are my shortcomings? You have to give yourself a win every now and then, or it gets a little boring just to break up the rhythm. And that was kind of one of the few wins I gave myself in that, in that arc, but.

• 46:52Rayna Greenberg?

  What was that like?

• 46:53Speaker 01

  What's that, her starting?

• 46:54Rayna Greenberg?

  So you guys have been together eight years. She was not in the comedy world. You were when she met you?

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Right. She was a pro athlete when we met and was not making more money. She was making kind of a small amount of money at that point. So her making more money is kind of a recent rise. She was a pro athlete, living in Texas, training for her last Olympic trials.

• 47:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Swimmer.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Swimmer, yes. And was at that point doing improv, actually did improv classes in Austin. But never really got into stand up because of the schedule does not work with, you know, 5:45 a.m.

• 47:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally. Right. You gotta pick one.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  So we moved, she quit swimming, moved to New York, got a big boy job. And then took her a little while to finally get started in 2019, she started doing it.

• 47:34Rayna Greenberg?

  But you're a disgraced financial analyst?

• 47:36Speaker 01

  I used to work in finance, which is very on the nose, I'm sure. In Houston, I had a job as a, like, low level job, just doing spreadsheets for private wealth management. Got fired.

• 47:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I pulled this from like a comedy website. But, okay, so she decides she wants to get into comedy, like, was that a weird conversation for you guys?

• 47:54Speaker 01

  She had always expressed it since we started dating. I at least wanted to try it once. That was like from, from our first date. And I wanted her to do it, like, she's my favorite person, comedy's my favorite thing. I thought it'd be a great union and it has been really good. She's not crazy, so it works out well. It is hard when anyone starts something that is, as taxing as standup comedy is, there's so much rejection and so many highs and lows. So sometimes. We both have, you know, have to go through things and we both suffer when one of us is suffering. So that's the downside, but like, she's very funny. She really understands how much work it takes and is very disciplined about it and is very passionate about it. And now we go on the road together and we do a show together. For the first like year of it, I thought I would have to like, kind of like hide details so that they didn't know it was her.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  And now I just go straight out after her.

• 48:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  And say, here's my, my side of things, you know?

• 48:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that dynamic. Yeah.

• 48:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow. This is a, you guys are a fun comedy couple.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  So yeah, it's a fun show. Yeah.

• 48:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And you can't make her come.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  And I can't make her come.

• 48:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Wow.

• 48:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  So when you just said that in your special, I was like, where's the rest of the sentence? Like, I didn't know if it was gonna be like, I can't make her come during missionary.

• 49:00Rayna Greenberg?

  When she's been drinking.

• 49:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  People, people take that line to mean specific, I mean, flat out, whatever you want to imagine. No. So, yeah. And this is, okay, not to be defend, I tried not to be defensive, but like, this is the case for a lot of women who, where it takes.

• 49:16Rayna Greenberg?

  We're gonna back you up.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Uh huh, okay.

• 49:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, Ashley and I own a sexual wellness brand. It's called Myzol, and you guys should shop it. But yeah, there's all kinds of emotional and physical reasons why women can't reach orgasm through penetrative sex. And they need external stimulation on their clitoris. They have pelvic floor issues. After having babies, they have issues with just the strengthening of the muscles. And plenty of women cannot reach orgasm during, during sex. And yours specifically, can, oral? Can you make her come during oral? Oh, no.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Listen, I am not one who is, who backs down from a challenge. I'm not the kind of guy who's like, nah, I'm not gonna try any harder than that.

• 49:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You've tried.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  I've tried.

• 49:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  It's not my first rodeo. I've tried and I don't, the thing is with men, the, the, the tough part from a man's perspective is like, maybe I've never done it. I don't know.

• 50:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  I don't know because you can't ever expect the truth of it from everyone, but.

• 50:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can't see it, you know, a little bit different.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no, no pudding for which the proof is in. Yeah.

• 50:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I wish you was here to talk to her about this, but like, there's plenty of people that like, orgasm doesn't have to be the goal. Like, I can have an enjoyable sexual experience and not have an orgasm. Like, if I've been drinking, I've had. One and a half drinks, it's really hard for me to like climax.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 50:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And so, but I still will like enjoy the sexual experience. I'm not like, don't touch me, I'm not gonna come.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  Right.

• 50:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she is coming.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  The way you talk about it is very funny.

• 50:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 50:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've heard, we've both heard metaphors through the years of bringing a vibrator into the bedroom, from a man's standpoint, like this is your sous chef, whatever you wanna say. And I think, did you say, like, using a calculator on a test?

• 50:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's very funny. And that's like the TI-83 of...

• 50:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did you guys start that early on, with the sex toys?

• 50:58Speaker 01

  My idea, within like, um, like a month, I think.

• 51:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Amazing.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  Just 'cause, I, I done with a previous partner, it was post-breakup sex. Ever had post-breakup sex?

• 51:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Where you're like, let's just do whatever.

• 51:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Let's get weird. We pulled out of a Sonicare. That was, that was the, uh, that was the genesis of that idea.

• 51:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my god. When you just have nothing left to lose, you just hate this person, you're not getting back together, they can do whatever they want to your body. Cause it doesn't matter.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  A befoulement, if you will, yeah.

• 51:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, really? A Sonicare?

• 51:31Speaker 01

  A Sonicare.

• 51:31Rayna Greenberg?

  What's that mean?

• 51:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  The handle end, right? Not the brush?

• 51:34Speaker 01

  The handle end.

• 51:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  The toothbrush?

• 51:35Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  This is a long time ago, before, you forget about the openness of vibrators that we have now. And, and the, the, the de-stigmatization that has occurred with sex toys in the past 15 years.

• 51:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's, we're still working on it. Not all men feel super comfortable, especially with something that's very phallic looking, coming into the bedroom. I think people can feel threatened, like, why, why am I not enough? But that's just not really the case, and plenty of women have just trouble reaching orgasm, need external stimulation.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:03Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, that's pretty normal.

• 52:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  That was probably the very first, like, halfway decent joke I ever wrote, was about a Sonicare. In 2013, I was just telling you, I started stand-up in Atlanta, you're from there, and something about masturbating with the Sonicare, and like, the punchline was like, that's not what a Sonicare is for. And I was like, I am killing it. I'm Chappelle.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Neck massager, yeah.

• 52:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think that was like, the original vibrator, for like, so many people?

• 52:24Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 52:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Probably.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 52:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Toothbrushes?

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Cause there's no reason it needs to be that thickness. And that, like, lawnmower level.

• 52:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Right?

• 52:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I, I discovered masturbation really young, like, at an age where like, there weren't... No?

• 52:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a funny question.

• 52:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Chat rooms.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 52:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Just probably like AOL chat rooms back in the day and like-

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Fingers, two fingers kind of thing, or?

• 52:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  What do you, what do you mean?

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 52:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  How, he's asking how you masturbate.

• 52:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, how did I masturbate? Just with my fingers. Like, I wasn't like, I wasn't like rubbing up against couches. I never discovered that, unfortunately. I feel like a lot of people discovered like rubbing up against like couches.

• 53:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and the hot tubs, the jets.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  I know, hot tub was for some people. And then some women really can only masturbate with a vibrator. The hands is not gonna take it all the way, yeah.

• 53:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I only started acoustic like a couple of years back. And I was like so impressed with myself.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  You, you downgraded? You went?

• 53:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I never-

• 53:16Speaker 01

  You de-technology?

• 53:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  You went Amish?

• 53:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, exactly.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 53:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I never masturbated as a, as a kid. Like, you know, some kids do, like Reina did.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Jew, Catholic?

• 53:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Are you Catholic or just Christian?

• 53:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm just, I'm a great Christian, yeah. Do you think that's part of it?

• 53:32Speaker 01

  Jews have less shame around sex, I, I, I think.

• 53:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't, no shame around sex in my house.

• 53:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I didn't have any shame, we, no, my parents, sincerely. I didn't get into it. I don't know, I didn't really know about it.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I started my masturbation journey with a vibrator, like, post-college. I mean, I just had a bunch of like drunk sex in college. I don't know, like, it seems like masturbation was no shame or stigma, but it was, I don't know. Nobody was really talking about it.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  I, I, I can understand what you're saying. There's still like an internal shame, even when there's not external forces for us. Sexuality is a weird thing that can just feel, take time to like-

• 54:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:06Rayna Greenberg?

  I never talked about it. I didn't know that people did that. And like, it sounds so silly, I always joke about it, like that we've been like misled by the term fingering. Cause I thought that everybody wanted like fingers inside of them, but then I had discovered this like crazy trick where I like touched this button and I had an orgasm. And like, I didn't, I don't think even in college I talked about this. Into my twenties, I didn't talk to anybody about this. And I was like, I discovered this thing. And there was like a lot of weird shame around it for me. Cause I was like, this is not the proper use for this body part or something. Cause there was no information about that for me.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  It's the only use for that body part. Claris is the only organ designed specifically for pleasure, yeah.

• 54:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I told you that a couple of days ago.

• 54:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. And then, but I like, I don't know, I'd be curious, like, I'm 41. I'd just be curious, my age group, like, women were not talking about this, at least like when I went to college.

• 54:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like in the late 90s, early 2000s, like who was talking about this besides Sex and the City? Truly like.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  I was gonna say Sex and the City, I remember that episode, we've been rewatching it lately. I rewatch it every couple of years.

• 55:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  But just like how taboo the vibrator episode was.

• 55:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And how even like Samantha was like in hushed tones talking about the one you need to buy. And like, that's like, that's so vanilla now.

• 55:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. Right. Like, and then I really got into it and I was hosting these pure romance parties, which is like a pyramid scheme kind of vibes, you know, like, and I would host them and have all these vibrators. Then I was just like, oh, this is fine. But where we're at today, where you can just post your vibrator on Instagram, you love to see it. Like, this was something that was like locked away in your drawer. Really until, I feel like the last seven years, I don't know.

• 55:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't talk about it. Even in, I remember I was post-college, I was in my early twenties when a girl said to me like, oh, I don't like finger myself. I like rub my clit. And I was like, you do that? You know about that?

• 55:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  She was like, should we rub them together?

• 55:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's how you became a lesbian.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Like it's, like it's a secret karate technique?

• 55:54Rayna Greenberg?

  So I was learning about this biology. Like, everybody starts off as a woman for like, I think, four weeks. And the Y chromosome comes in and then a clit will turn into a penis. But like, clits are essentially little penises. So you're just like rubbing your clits up against each other, kind of. And the friction creates an orgasm.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  Have you seen the full mapping of the clitoris, which is like relatively new?

• 56:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  It looks crazy.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Like a spider.

• 56:14Rayna Greenberg?

  It's like a wishbone.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. It looks like the monsters in Starship Trooper. Like that weird like, yeah.

• 56:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, but it is really special. It is the only organ in anyone's body, male or female, that's just for pleasure.

• 56:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  So are you guys, have you explored a lot of sex toys or you keep it pretty simple?

• 56:30Speaker 01

  I've tried to buy some stuff. She likes what she, you should reach out to her and tell her what she should try.

• 56:36Rayna Greenberg?

  We're gonna send you almost some stuff.

• 56:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause we do, like, we have some that we really like that are designed for couples where the guy can wear it on his finger, essentially. So you're just always like locked and loaded, you know? Or I don't know if you guys were like, you'd grab a big like wand out of the bedside drawer. I was just curious what you guys were into. But you don't have to share if it's too, okay.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Yes. I also feel like it's a similar thing to the dynamic in our relationship of like, if I try to pick a restaurant or plan something for us to do on vacation, she's like, oh, that's so nice you did that. Here's what we're actually doing. That is a dynamic that also goes into the bedroom a little bit. So.

• 57:10Rayna Greenberg?

  She's like, my body, my choice. My vibration, our life, all my choices. Okay, what did the conversation look like in all seriousness? Like, did she say to you, like, I have not had an orgasm with you ever? Like, did you start that early, that conversation?

• 57:25Speaker 01

  No, it was a month, so we weren't talking too much. It's a weird thing to talk about, like, in the first month. Did you come?

• 57:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  So I think it was just pretty early on. I was like, hey, what do you use? Let's do that. And then, I think.

• 57:37Rayna Greenberg?

  But she said, I'm not having orgasms.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  She never said that before.

• 57:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  I just suggested that. And then that came into play. And I don't remember the exact conversation where I was like, so without. It became, explained to me that without that, it wasn't happening.

• 57:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I was, that's not a big deal to me.

• 57:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, pretty common.

• 57:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it really is. No, I like to talk about it and normalize it even more.

• 57:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, one of my best friends, she said to me, it's been like, she can't have an orgasm during sex unless she's using a toy with, like, direct stimulation. And she was like, it's been a problem in all of my relationships. And she's like, I've tried everything, like pelvic floor strengthening and all the mental stuff that you can do to just de-stress and be in the moment. She's like, it's just that, that's how my body works. I think it's pretty normal.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  You said something earlier, but you don't need to come for it to be good sex.

• 58:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Nine years into a relationship, you kind of do.

• 58:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? We're like, yeah, yeah, let's both get what we want out of this.

• 58:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 58:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, like, to have a good time sometimes.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah.

• 58:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because sometimes you've had, like, drunk sex. Yeah, you're just like, that was a fun night. No one came.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  But, yeah, we all want to come.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I think, I think after time, yeah. I just think women are kind of just naturally or trained to be a little bit more deferent. No, no, what do you want? What do you, it's more about your needs. And I think that can come up in the bedroom as well. And I think with time and comfort, you can be more expressive. Women tend to learn how to be more expressive of what they need for us. Men tend to not check in on the other person as much.

• 58:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Did she fake orgasms or she didn't even bother?

• 59:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  She doesn't seem like the type.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't, I can't see it.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  I don't think she did.

• 59:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Do men fake orgasms?

• 59:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, I would die.

• 59:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can't.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  No, because there's evidence.

• 59:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like you're hunching over the toilet like, babe, did you fake it?

• 59:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but like I've had, I had a boyfriend who just like, didn't come a lot. It would just be like a little drop and like,

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 59:20Rayna Greenberg?

  And I, he, or maybe he just never came, I don't know, but nothing was coming out of me.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 59:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm sure guys fake orgasms.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  I had the problem in college of, I didn't realize how much drinking, because I couldn't finish when I drank. Even like two or three drinks starts to make it, especially with a new partner, especially add condoms in there.

• 59:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  There's so much in college where I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn't finish and then, now I understand it was just, it was just mostly drinking related and that, that's a humiliating experience. And then I never thought to act, uh, like, in terms of like uncomfortable things to act out falsely, that would be really hard. I guess women do it so naturally.

• 59:56Rayna Greenberg?

  That's so funny, because.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, like what do you do?

• 59:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'm dying. Like, I want to crawl into myself when I think about men faking orgasms, but I'm, I know it happens. It has to.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  I've wanted to. There's been nights I'm like, God, anything to, and so I'll, I'll just be like, I'm good. It's okay. It doesn't matter. I'm a good, you know?

• 1:00:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  I had one girl who thought I was gay because of that.

• 1:00:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, like it's just not gonna happen.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  She literally told people, oh no, you couldn't finish with me.

• 1:00:18Rayna Greenberg?

  It's funny that it's like unthinkable for a man to do that, but like every woman has faked so many orgasms.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  And every woman like has the idea independently. Like, it's not like y'all hear from each other to do it. I feel like women just instinctively like, ooh, how do I make him feel good? I'll just fake it.

• 1:00:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so true. No one told me to.

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:00:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was just like, how do I get this to end?

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, early, obviously early days, like early twenties, college.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like no one was ever like, hey, girl, guess what you should do? Like, you're right, we're born with it.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  We just know. Our moms don't tell us. Can you imagine? That's just birds and the bees talk.

• 1:00:50Rayna Greenberg?

  If you want to wrap this up, you first get into doggy style, you start busting out your dirtiest, dirty talk, and then you just fake an orgasm. That's the final line of defense.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  So roll your eyes back.

• 1:00:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not getting into doggy if I'm not having fun.

• 1:01:01Rayna Greenberg?

  No?

• 1:01:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm just like, uh, uh.

• 1:01:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm immediately getting into doggy if I'm not having fun. Let's wrap this up.

• 1:01:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but it starts to hurt my like stomach.

• 1:01:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I could lay down and just like deal with it, but I'm just saying like I will bust out all the stops to make it finish and this, the prescription for that is doggy and come talk.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  Doggy's fastest?

• 1:01:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Doggy will make a man come fastest, plus come talk.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  That's for me too.

• 1:01:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, that's fair. I see what you're saying. Like I want to wrap this shit up.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, I was listening to a previous episode of yours and you were talking about, uh, when women say, "I want you to come," is like a bit of a wrap it up sign.

• 1:01:34Rayna Greenberg?

  The wrap it up boss.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Our, our, our term is, uh, "Don't be a hero." That's our little, uh, code for it. No need to be a hero.

• 1:01:42Rayna Greenberg?

  [laughing]

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  We're not going for a record.

• 1:01:45Rayna Greenberg?

  [laughing] I had this guy recently say to me, he's like, "I'm really into like edging," and I was like, "Oh, I'm not into you edging. I'm all set on that. I need you to..." That's so funny. "Can you just finish this, please?"

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Well, the fun for men is getting close and then stopping and restarting, because if you do that a couple of times...

• 1:02:01Rayna Greenberg?

  That's edging.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  But it's what men naturally do. When men masturbate with porn, they're like, "Oh, close now, let's go back off and find a different picture or a different video." And they get, like, that's how it's, "Ah, ah, ah," and when you finally get there, it's that much better. Where I've never heard of a woman doing that. A woman's like, "Oh, we're, we're near, let's go straight for it."

• 1:02:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, that's risky. You'll miss it. Like, the moment can pass you by. I feel like orgasms are so fragile.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, they're, they may or may not happen. Like, even with my fiance, we have great sex, and there's still times where I'm like, "I just, it's just not gonna happen doing this, this way, right now." Totally, yes.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Or I fucked up something at the last moment, and it's just like, "Ah."

• 1:02:36Rayna Greenberg?

  But there's, I don't know, like, I, I know, I'm sure all women can relate to this, of that feeling of like, "It's, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, uh, we lost it." And we just, such as like, hang it up. It is exactly like a space.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Ah, ah.

• 1:02:47Rayna Greenberg?

  So that's like playing with fire for a woman to try to like, do that. Well, you don't smoke weed. I, I can do, I can edge like that when I smoke weed. And I can like, watch a porn, I can go back, I watch a different porn, and I'll kind of like, up and down for a while, but I have to be like, very high.

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  And that's solo? Could you do that with a partner?

• 1:03:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think so. I think, I think...

• 1:03:08Rayna Greenberg?

  With a partner, I'm like, Ashley, I'm worried that you're not gonna be able to make me come. Like, I'm worried the moment's gonna pass. Like, I know that I'm gonna be able to make me come. So I don't worry that, like, I lost the sneeze with me. But like, with a partner, I'm like, you're there, we're getting to the finish line.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  What about if, do either of you use toys during sex, during penetrative sex?

• 1:03:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  Uh huh. As a fancy thing or as a regular thing?

• 1:03:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  We use the cock rings. So we sell these two cock rings, the newer one I really am obsessed with, and it vibrates on my clitoris, or, you know, the female partner's clitoris, and then it helps the guy stay stronger longer, helps. But, I mean, I always felt, my partner and I both feel like the cock rings for me. You know, so we use that.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  We have the vagina, that's our, that's our sex toy.

• 1:03:55Rayna Greenberg?

  That's your flashlight. Yes, that is your sex toy.

• 1:03:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  So yeah, we use it. But we've used them all.

• 1:03:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I prefer sex toys performatively. I wanted somebody to watch me with it. I'm very blessed, I can have, like, vaginal orgasms during sex, I know.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:04:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but we both were amazing. Yeah.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  Is it like 20%? It's like a small number.

• 1:04:13Rayna Greenberg?

  It's clitoral stimulation that leads to the orgasm. They're like, penetrative sex.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  It's just the mons pubis colliding.

• 1:04:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Rayna Greenberg?

  So I get it from that. But I prefer to do a, put on a, put on a show with a vibrator. I'm gonna have a vibrator. Yeah.

• 1:04:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just need a lot of foreplay. Like, I just need more and more. I mean, you just get like, more lubricated, more horny, I mean...

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  I'm 36 and I love going to the gym, but like, I used to go to the gym and work out for an hour, and then I needed like a 10 minute warmup, and now I need like 20 minutes of stretching, and now I wanna go to the gym, it's like 40 minutes of activation and then actually 20 minutes of, of pushups. I think it's a similar, maybe a similar thing with foreplay.

• 1:04:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:04:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I've gotten the feedback that I don't do enough foreplay. I really just wanna like, get right into it.

• 1:04:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, like, I'll...

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Some women are like that.

• 1:04:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm ready, I'm ready to go.

• 1:04:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I'll see a scene in a movie where they just go right into it. I'm like, oh my god, my pussy hurts, just even looking at that. Like, it just feels to me like, ram dry. Like, there was this like, tell me lies scene. I was like, I could never, it was like, I thought that was so hot. I was like, I would have needed 20 minutes of like... Boob touching, finger stuff, like anything.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Some women are, some women are faster than I'm comfortable with.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Are just like, now, right now, come on, drop what you're doing. I'm like, I'm like, if you feel it going in, I'm like, that has to hurt for you. That's like kneading dry dough, like just going in, you're like, everything's getting caught.

• 1:05:31Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you lick your fingers, you get like a little bit wet. Yeah, spit on your hand and shove it up there.

• 1:05:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I want to be like soaking wet.

• 1:05:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, not me, somebody tries to go down on me and I'm like, you don't have to do that. I'm ready to go. Yeah, I'm just gonna stare at you and pretend to enjoy this. We could just have sex.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Such, I know it's been remarked on, but just the differences from woman to woman. And then that's what's so annoying with women is then as a man, when I say something like, oh, I can't make her come. And women are like, oh, you must be bad at it. I'm like, you don't know if your body is like hers. You don't know that yours works like, you have different controllers. One of you is, one of you is Nintendo Switch, the other one's a PS3. You don't know the difference between, women will never experience, I guess lesbians will, but like women just don't understand how different their bodies are from each other in terms of like sexual needs.

• 1:06:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Absolutely. I mean, men, you guys are all dynamic, but if you put enough pressure and stimulation on a dick and you go fast enough, you will pretty much come.

• 1:06:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that's why we're like, give grace to guys, cause they've, they're just going off what the woman before liked.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know, I would never, if a guy was doing some crazy stuff to my body that I really didn't like, I'd be like, his ex liked it. That's where he got it from. He didn't just come up with this, you know, or maybe he saw it in a porn, I guess. But I just think, like, you have to tell guys what you want. Like, I do think we understand that like every woman is so different, cause even when we talk to our friends, we'll be like, what? You're into that? You know, like we are our.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Ears, yeah.

• 1:06:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Lot of different, lot of variation of butt stuff. People liking like around the rim, inside of it. I don't want anything, I don't want, no, that's just a no fly zone for me. But guys always want to like stick a finger in there and you're right, they learned it from the last girl.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Which is so weird, cause women don't have prostates.

• 1:07:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I do find it interesting, but you do have nerve endings and also the clitoris has like 8,000 nerve endings and some of them do sort of like reach into almost like your taint area.

• 1:07:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there's a spot back in there.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:07:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I like a little pressure on the B-hole.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:07:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but I don't want penetration. Yeah, and my fiance doesn't, he's not really a butt stuff guy. All like touches just to joke around.

• 1:07:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I let people know.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Women really go for. My fiance goes for it, never in sexual, never sexual situations, just while we're spooning in bed, just a

• 1:07:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Just like I'm getting slimed at the Nickelodeon.

• 1:07:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, like in the shower, I'm just like, credit card swipe.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  She's a little frapp, yeah, salmon, that's her whole thing. She just likes how squirmy I get.

• 1:07:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guys have such cute butts. Some do. Some do, yeah, but like Really hairy ones. But like, I don't know, these guys, sometimes these guys don't even know what they're working with, you know, they just have like a nice little like high and tight. Uh huh.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  Have you heard Mateo Lane's joke about like when you see a straight guy with a great ass, what a fucking waste.

• 1:08:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  The special that, the joke about the vibrator, one of the, one of the biggest concerns was her parents had never heard that joke and her parents might not have that kind of taste in humor about their daughter. And we were supposed to kind of let them know beforehand, but we've kind of forgot. And then the special came out on YouTube and I was like, oh, it's gonna be really weird the next time I see them. I did not hear a word. I got one text from her mom that just had an Amazon link to a very nice product.

• 1:08:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  To a vibrator? No. Her mom? You are kidding.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  It was a very open minded and new age response. And I was like, that's, that's pretty funny and cool.

• 1:08:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it also, is it the one she uses? Yeah, how does she know about this?

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  I'm not going to speculate about her.

• 1:08:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is that her recommendation? Me and your father in law use this. Yes, that's where my mind went. Did you buy it? And did you tell her you liked it? Send her back a link to ours.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the one we already have.

• 1:09:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ah!

• 1:09:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Her and her daughter have the same taste.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Like father, like son, yeah.

• 1:09:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's crazy. Do you think her mom introduced her to it?

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  I don't think they talk like that.

• 1:09:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow. I think you guys just both found the one. You said, you said it on the special, which, you know, we're gonna send you home with some better ones, but you guys just chose like a top seller on Amazon.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  We switched. So the joke was dated. We did, we did switch to a new, the joke is about the, kind of the, one of the first ones we used, we are on a better one now, but very open to explore and very excited to see.

• 1:09:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, that is a heartwarming story.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 1:09:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, that's really special. Like, I also am just really laughing thinking about that conversation had you have had to had it. You're like, listen, so something's gonna come up.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Listen, at minute 28, uh, uh, throw your laptop in a river.

• 1:09:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't believe you already had it. That is an insane story.

• 1:09:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  So in the special, you talk about who starts fights more, the women or the man in a heterosexual relationship. The audience didn't really give you much. I don't know if you, I feel like no one wanted to speak up.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  No, they didn't chime back. I usually get.

• 1:10:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. What do you usually get?

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  I usually get, women think men start the fight and men think women start the fight. And every now and then you'll have a woman who thinks women start the fight, but you will never see a man who thinks men start the fight.

• 1:10:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so here's my theory. I feel like it's always men's behavior that starts the cause of the fight and then women start the fight.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  That's the whole, you made me start the fight.

• 1:10:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You made me start the fight.

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Rayna Greenberg?

  That's my experience is that nothing has ever really ever been my fault. No, men don't start fights with me, like about like my behavior, but like I'll start fights with you about your behavior.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  I don't ever think I start the fight. One time I remember I actually was kind of starting a fight was the day she proposed to me. I remember I was like, no more, you don't get to do that. She goes, hey, hey, hey, we're not fighting today. I go, what? She goes, we're not gonna fight. I was like, you can do that?

• 1:10:56Rayna Greenberg?

  She's like, it's called gaslighting, bitch.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  And we didn't fight that day. And then two hours later, she proposed to me.

• 1:11:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am curious if any other couples had that same story where there's like, there was a fight brewing on engagement day and someone was like, whoa, whoa, let's not.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  But it's crazy knowing that she does have the off switch. This whole time when she's like, no, I'm upset now to let it go. I'm like, it turns out you can if there's, if there's a ring burning a hole in your pocket. Yeah, apparently you can just turn the volume down on whatever you're feeling.

• 1:11:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is really funny. Unfortunately, I know that you can.

• 1:11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can. I have very bad ADD and I think one of the best parts about having ADD is you don't hold on to emotions that way. Like I have to, so many, we have fights. Our therapist has told us to go take a break and she'll come back more lit up sometimes doing it. Whereas I, once I walk away from the fight and open up the New York Times crossword, I have to, like, I have to remind myself of my previous emotional state. I'm like Dory from Finding Nemo. I'm like, oh yeah, that was weird. Like I can really just detach from emotions pretty quickly unless it's like a major stressor that I'm like, like really attached to. In fights, it just goes away. I think men maybe have that a little bit. I feel like the women I know kind of can't let go once they feel wronged.

• 1:12:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I relate to, once I have the conversation. It will marinate with me a little bit for a little, I mean, a day. But then I generally feel like I get the words out of my body and we, you know, I don't need to hold on to it for a long time.

• 1:12:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Rayna Greenberg?

  But if we're a mid-fight and I walk away, I don't know, everybody's different. Every fight and argument's been different. I'm different with friends versus my parents versus a romantic partner. What do you think you're like?

• 1:12:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's hard, hard to say. I don't know, I don't have like a lot of conflicts with my fiance, but I, all I did with my ex was fight, so I'm just like, who am I? You know, it's just kind of.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  Can I reframe the question a different way? Can fights evaporate and just kind of resolve by cooling down? Or does something actually need to be fully addressed and hit head on before the conflict goes away?

• 1:12:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it depends on what it is. Something that I'm a completely different person than I used to be is not having to address something the second it bothers me with anybody, with a friend, a family member, a partner, like taking a breather, thinking about it, deciding if it's worth saying something, deciding if it's a pattern, deciding if I can let it go, or, you know, also the approach and like the tone of bringing it up in the first place. I mean, I really have come so far. That's one of the things I'm the most proud of. I mean, I used to not be able to hold back, like with anybody, like the second something's bothering me, it's coming out. And obviously then it's sometimes with anger, the wrong tone, and so I don't know if that answers the question, but I think.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  It's a different question, but it's a very interesting one because that's not our issue. We have, we have more, we don't address it quickly enough and then it becomes more of a problem. That's a very interesting thing.

• 1:13:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, I'll address stuff. I don't let it simmer, but like, I'm talking like, when you have that like, I feel like that anger in my gut, you know, you're like, you cannot react right now, this won't go well for anybody. So I think just calming down and like getting your head clear before like going to anybody with a grievance.

• 1:14:03Rayna Greenberg?

  More pervasive issues are tougher for me. If it's a one-off situation, I'm fine, I'd be like, I didn't like how you talked to me this one moment, I didn't like the, the decision you made in this one moment. The conversations are harder for me when it's a more pervasive issue. It's the, you always do this, I have this idea of you, this is adding to this idea that I've already created in my head that like, I'm just making this up, but like, if I decided that you don't respect my opinion, and this is the third example of that, it's really hard for me to let it go and I stew in it and I marinate on it and I'm like, how do you tell somebody I don't like how you are? Not, I don't like how you did this thing, this one, one-off thing, but like, I don't like the way you are. Those are really tough conversations.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  That is tough. The, it's funny you say, we have to ban the words always and never in our conflict.

• 1:14:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's good, that's helpful.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  That's the line. I talked about it in the Riddler joke, but

• 1:14:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my god, it's so good.

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  Very interesting dynamic for fights for me is typically realizing whatever she's saying it's about, trace that back three events.

• 1:14:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  And then that's the real thing of like, oh, is it about this certain guest at the wedding that we're fighting about? Or is it because three weeks ago, I wasn't there for you for a major life event? You know, trace it back to what it really was. And that's a lot of my side of the fight is figuring out. Looking and be like, well, this is a very disproportionate reaction to this one infraction. I mean, when I realize it's a big, the pattern behind it, that becomes a little more helpful.

• 1:15:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I have a question, because Ashley and I, neither of us have been with somebody for almost a decade. Like you, has fighting gotten easier, harder?

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  A lot better. Much, much, much better. Yeah. We had actually like a pretty rocky first two years. We had like, obviously a great first like six months and then a year into our relationship, she was basically ejected out of swimming, you know, not just retired, but failed to achieve her singular goal in this 20-year career. And she was in Austin, I moved to LA, we moved to New York City together and we're staying, living with three other people in a tiny little bedroom. And she had a brand-new job that was very, very stressful and didn't pay enough. So all those stressors.

• 1:16:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is a lot.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  It was a really, we would fight like every other day, like pretty dramatic kind of stuff that like, kind of took the, you know, the wind out of our sails, but we really loved each other.

• 1:16:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  And now we just, we can Spotify and for, there's a funny thing of when you get better as a couple and when you fight less, you, when you fight in the first place, you typically blame the fight on the other person and what they're doing wrong. But when you are doing better as a couple, you blame the other person on being better. Where she was like, oh, we're fighting less, you've gotten a lot better. It's like, no, you've gotten a lot better.

• 1:16:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I see what you mean, yeah.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  So I think she's improved and she thinks I've improved.

• 1:16:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's nice. All those things you mentioned is a lot, especially, and you talk about this in the special, of like her dreams kind of. Ending, you know, and so we talk about this a lot of how do you not absorb your partner's mood? You know, like, and of course, your partner should be there to support you and you should be able to talk to them and lean on them. But when they're really going through something that's just, this has nothing to do with you. And like, how does it not affect like the relationship as a whole? And you know, it's, it's tough.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  It's, it's tough. It's really that there's the, the parenting quote, you're only as happy as your least happy child. I think that's in a relationship where like, we've had times where one of us is up and one of us is down. And we have to kind of share in both in a way where, okay, I'm gonna let you have your moment of celebration. I'm gonna try to not bring my thing into it, but you know, maybe in a day or two, we can kind of hopefully shift the focus back on me. We're both comedians, so we can both tend to hog a lot of attention and we need to be more conscientious of sharing. But she's very good about sharing the victories. She really is always, she's celebrated everything I've done. She's been there for every taping I've had. So she, she's never taken away from my moments, even when it wasn't her moment. And I'm trying to do a better job of reciprocating that.

• 1:17:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so huge. I mean, you just kind of have to, not you, like in a couple, you have to be on the same team. And we didn't really talk about that, but you guys clearly don't seem like you're a competitive couple. But I'm sure there are comedian couples or not even, it could be whatever, athletes, comedians. You both work in the same financial industry where you're like competitive with your partner. I think that would be a tough dynamic.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  It could be.

• 1:18:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  She is extremely rational about the fact that we started nine years apart.

• 1:18:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  So she is very aware of the fact that you shouldn't, nine years in comedy is a long time and a lot can happen in nine years. And she's very aware to not compare herself now to my current self now, or even to some other versions. It's very hard in comedy. It's very hard in the world we live in now to not constantly be trying to measure up your benchmarks against people in your life, whether it's your job or your family or your beach body. But she luckily, coming out of the, the swimming world, had to kind of learn that the hardest way possible. Where your only value as a human being is five digits on a clock. And I would say she's more mature than most people about not letting that competition. Be your whole value.

• 1:19:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm. That's hard. It's hard to, I mean, when you do the same thing as your partner, to not see your whole life through the lens of what your partner is succeeding at and doing better than you have. I mean, you did it for a decade before her. She couldn't possibly have been on your level. You know, so it sounds like she understands that.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. She understands how long it takes.

• 1:19:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Okay, so we got a little off track, but we love the conversation. But now we want to run some scenarios by you. We ask our audience, we basically want to settle a fight for them. So we ask them to write in something that's happened in their relationship. We have them title it, am I wrong? And so we're gonna see what you think.

• 1:19:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we're gonna pitch you to you. You want to start with this one?

• 1:19:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:19:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know if this is a fight, but it's very funny.

• 1:19:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'd like a man to weigh in on this.

• 1:19:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:19:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, question. How often are we giving guys a full blowjob to completion? My boyfriend of five years brought it up to me the other day about how I never just give him a blowjob. But honestly, it's because I never wanted to end there since he'll have already finished. It's not like I never give him head at all. I just start with it and then we usually move on to other things from there. I told him I would do it if he would turn the favor after, and he said every once in a while, it would be nice to just get a blowjob and give nothing in return. I polled my friends and they said not giving full blowjobs to their long-term boyfriends either. Also disclaimer, I'm genuinely never on my period because I have an IUD. So there's really no time that I would be out of commission. Let me know if I'm crazy for this. Are we really out here giving free blowjobs?

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  What's the sign if you're, if you're ordering food at like a counter service, not like waiter, it just says, tips appreciated, but never expected?

• 1:20:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that. That's how we should be viewing blowjobs. Yes.

• 1:20:44Speaker 01

  If it's done for me, wow, that's so nice, but you shouldn't ever have to give me a full blowjob to completion. The period thing is also a big factor in that.

• 1:20:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Big factor.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  That would be the one reason I would maybe be like, ah, you know.

• 1:20:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that she brought her IUD into it.

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  It's truly a factor because that's the thing. Yeah, it's Shark Week, you know.

• 1:21:02Speaker 01

  That's an old meme.

• 1:21:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I like what she said about like, once I do this, the experience is over for both of us. I'm probably, I mean, it doesn't have to be, by the way, he could go down on you after that. Like just because he's not having penetrated sex with you.

• 1:21:13Speaker 01

  He's a fucking hero. That's pretty noble behavior.

• 1:21:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like.

• 1:21:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. He's, he's gonna need a minute.

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, post nut clarity just in your face.

• 1:21:21Rayna Greenberg?

  And you're like, your turn. I mean, I'm a big fan of the like, start the sexual experience with a blowjob and then segue into sex. I'm not dying to finish it either. I never finish a blowjob. That would be crazy.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  That's nice, and that's also very appreciated. And if, if that disappeared. From a relationship, I could see how the man would feel a little, yeah, not taken care of.

• 1:21:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Uh huh.

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  Uh, and I'm talking like twice a year at most. It's just like, oh, that's nice of you. You didn't have to do that kind of thing.

• 1:21:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I think she should do this very rarely, but like.

• 1:21:47Speaker 01

  Birthdays, Valentine's Day.

• 1:21:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, that's, I mean, yeah.

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  A really good gift or something.

• 1:21:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I think it's something that her partner wants and I don't fault him the same way. I don't fault a woman who wants to have an orgasm from her partner going down on her, you know, so. I don't know what the tone was. I hope it wasn't like, why don't you blow me to completion, which I'm like, maybe it's a red flag in the relationship, but like.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now that she knows, this doesn't have to be an all the time thing, but yeah, I think this could be like a twice a year thing.

• 1:22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. And also he says nothing in return. Like everything's in return.

• 1:22:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Everything's in exchange for something else. Like, earn it.

• 1:22:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. Did I come home and you did the dishes and the fridge was stocked? You cooked dinner like?

• 1:22:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  The chore play?

• 1:22:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  But to her question, how often are we giving guys full blowjobs to completion?

• 1:22:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Never. It's almost never.

• 1:22:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I think we got kind of tricked on that, like when we were younger, like thinking you were supposed to do that. Do you spit or swallow? You know, it was always just like, oh my God, I have to like do this and decide if I'm going to spit or swallow. Like we were kind of sold that narrative and it, I don't think a lot of women are, are doing that that much. I think it is more of a foreplay thing.

• 1:22:50Speaker 01

  I think blowjobs are for girls in college who don't want to have sex with a guy yet.

• 1:22:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm. Or when you're on your period. I, I have in the past, like, yeah, I've had like a great night out. I want to have fun. Like I'm not going to like have sex necessarily, I guess, with a brand new partner on my period.

• 1:23:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like to suck a little dick. Foreplay.

• 1:23:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm sucking dick for foreplay always. I'm not completing it.

• 1:23:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  Interestingly, at Jewish summer camp, a lot of the other counselors were like Israelis there working for the summer. And we learned that amongst the Israelis, they found, the, the women said, oh, a blowjob, that's a very intimate thing you do with a long-term partner, not someone you just met. Sex was less intimate.

• 1:23:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I agree.

• 1:23:24Speaker 01

  Than a blowjob. Yeah.

• 1:23:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we agree. I always said that. Blowjobs are for boyfriends.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:23:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm going to stick your dick in my mouth. Like whatever's happening down here are way less intimate.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, if we're kind of.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  But in some cultures and some parts of America.

• 1:23:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  It's the other way, though.

• 1:23:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:23:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think, I just always felt like that.

• 1:23:42Rayna Greenberg?

  We hear both, girls being like, I didn't have sex, so I just sucked his dick. And I'm like, what?

• 1:23:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:23:46Rayna Greenberg?

  This is like your, this is your, this is your like, for me, that's the top of like, I'm sucking your dick. Like, I'll have sex with you way before I'll suck your dick.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  I didn't want to rent, so I just bought a home.

• 1:23:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  So true. It is, it's, the perception is interesting.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  I also want to know how long they've been together, because if that's in the first year.

• 1:24:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Five years.

• 1:24:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Five years.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's, that's when blowjob moves into very much novelty status after five years.

• 1:24:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Not everybody likes giving blowjobs. Also, like, I mean, if she doesn't enjoy it. I enjoy it. I think it's fun, but like.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  Physically, a lot of work.

• 1:24:19Rayna Greenberg?

  It's, it's, listen, it's.

• 1:24:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's not for everybody. It is for Raina.

• 1:24:25Rayna Greenberg?

  It's, it's fun for me. I would rather that than have somebody go down on me. It's just, it's not for me.

• 1:24:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a crazy statement.

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  You don't like people going down on you?

• 1:24:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't prefer it. Like, I don't care about it at all. And I mean, if somebody's good at it, that's fine. But like, I don't need it on the menu, ever. It's weird if you don't want to do it.

• 1:24:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:24:45Rayna Greenberg?

  So.

• 1:24:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Huge red flag.

• 1:24:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 1:24:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guys that don't eat pussy, do you not?

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  I do. I think it's fun, but not everyone, not everyone, it's very fun, but not every woman wants it.

• 1:24:56Rayna Greenberg?

  That's okay.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  And sometimes, sometimes it's happening because the man wants it and the woman's like, sure, fine. So there's, there's that dynamic of guys who are too into it.

• 1:25:02Rayna Greenberg?

  That's me.

• 1:25:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Nikki does a bit about that, where she's like, the guys that, that want to do it too much, you're like, not you. The guys are like, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it all night. And you're like, you're not the one I want to be doing it.

• 1:25:15Rayna Greenberg?

  They're too eager.

• 1:25:15Speaker 01

  So funny.

• 1:25:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm fine if somebody performatively does it for like four minutes. And I'm like, we could just stop this. We could just get to the main course.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  I learned too much about sex from hip hop and thought it was like the most important thing ever from like Missy Elliott songs and like Lil Kim lyrics. I thought it was like a thing every man had to be versed in and it was on the menu every night.

• 1:25:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Eating pussy?

• 1:25:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. What about American Pie? Was that part of your like upbringing?

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that horrible sex education we got from, from men who would never talk to women, wrote whole screenplays and dialogues.

• 1:25:47Speaker 01

  Also, just a personal beef. I believe Missy Elliott has her sexuality, I don't know, I don't know what her status is, but it's something that has been questioned. And I'm a little resentful that she may be lesbian and wrote a song called "One Minute Man" that put performance anxiety in the brains of so many young men.

• 1:26:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  About their sexual stamina, only to learn that that is not nearly the factor that you think it would be. Premature ejaculation is not like, it happens.

• 1:26:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  It does. And also, I don't need penetrative sex. I've never checked a clock. We talk about this, but like, I don't know, eight minutes of straight penetration, that's enough for me.

• 1:26:21Speaker 01

  That's, yeah.

• 1:26:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  But these are all the lies we were sold. Like, finishing a blowjob, spit or swallow, like, huge, giant.

• 1:26:27Rayna Greenberg?

  He fucked me for hours.

• 1:26:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or like, giant dick.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  Hard, deep.

• 1:26:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Physically can't fit. Yeah. Yeah, he fucked me for hours. I'm sorry. What?

• 1:26:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Hours? That's terrible.

• 1:26:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are you okay?

• 1:26:37Speaker 01

  Bad sex.

• 1:26:37Rayna Greenberg?

  He went down on me for hours.

• 1:26:38Speaker 01

  Twenty minutes is bad sex. It means someone's having trouble doing something.

• 1:26:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:26:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. If he goes down on you for hours, what? That sounds disgusting.

• 1:26:46Speaker 01

  You'd be raw. First time I did it, I did it for 45 minutes, because I didn't know when to stop.

• 1:26:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it was a first-hand job.

• 1:26:52Speaker 01

  And she didn't know when to stop me.

• 1:26:53Rayna Greenberg?

  This sounds like a first-hand job.

• 1:26:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  She hasn't recovered since.

• 1:26:56Speaker 01

  Poor girl.

• 1:26:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Poor, poor pussy.

• 1:26:59Rayna Greenberg?

  She's still wiping it up.

• 1:27:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, let's give you the buckets. Do you want to do social media posting or mom stuff?

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  Social media.

• 1:27:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:27:07Speaker 01

  Wait, who's mom?

• 1:27:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not reading that.

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  Is it like my mom letter?

• 1:27:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Laura's mom wrote in.

• 1:27:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:27:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  She sent her vibrator pics and she sent an email submission.

• 1:27:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years as of January. For background, he is a military veteran, not the obnoxious kind, and the only child. He's been private his entire life, only 300 Instagram followers, and hasn't posted since 2018. But me, I thrive off of social media. I run a lifestyle blog, travel. Most of my friends are long distance because of my job, so they keep up with me through social media. I have been able to post him once, and you can only see the back of his head. He says he doesn't want his face out there yet. He already gave blood, fingerprints, and everything else to the freaking government.

• 1:27:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It's frustrating because I feel like I'm hiding my relationship. The kicker is that he says, I can post him when we get engaged. How does that make sense? So, please settle this for me, my anxiety, and honestly, him. Because it's moving toward being a deal breaker, as shallow as that sounds. Is he trying to hide our relationship? Is he really just being private? Should this become a non-negotiable? And by the way, five years together. And he hasn't, but he hasn't posted since 2018. Both of those things are important to me.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  Rocking a hard place there. I think social media is very important. Partners need to feel like they're being valued to a broad audience. Whether it's to your like friend group or on, on social media. If that's, if that's what they want from you, I think that's a reasonable ask. But if he has some trauma to resolve around being publicly posted in any way, that's also tough.

• 1:28:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, this is new in terms of he doesn't want to be posted. I thought it was going to be like, when we get these emails, it's more like, he won't post me. And we always ask, like, does he post at all? You know, like, you can't expect someone to like, change their whole behavior. If there's been a person who, again, like, hasn't posted in seven years. So, like, does it align with their, their current behavior? But, I don't know. I, she's, she should get to the bottom of it. I mean, we have a friend who, her boyfriend has a job that he doesn't want to be out there. Like, he is a super professional career path. And he just, she doesn't post him. And that's what he, I don't know if it has anything to do with that. Like, the engagement thing is interesting.

• 1:29:21Rayna Greenberg?

  So, there is a time at which he's saying, you will be allowed, but not until that time. To me, that, that would be actually more bothersome, that you've set this like, goalpost somewhere. And I don't get to post you until that.

• 1:29:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess, I mean, she's saying he feels like he gave everything to the government, his fingerprints, his blood. So, like, he doesn't want his face out there. It's just, I actually think that's an irrelevant argument. She was like, you'll give all your info to the government, but not, that doesn't, it's a little weird little, it's an argument. No, no offense to her.

• 1:29:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Got it.

• 1:29:50Rayna Greenberg?

  But she says she runs a blog. Most of her, like, I think he doesn't want to be a part of the internet stuff.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  Which is reasonable.

• 1:29:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  Which is a reasonable thing of like, every day I pick up my phone, I'm like, I would love to just throw this into the ocean and, and not feel more detached from this horrid, shallow world. What I would like to see from him is, so she wants to post him? That's what she wants, so she can share?

• 1:30:14Rayna Greenberg?

  She wants to, and she's saying like, is this, like, is he trying to hide our relationship? And is this a non-negotiable? And Ashley and I always acknowledge, like, social media is people's lens into your life. It's reasonable that you feel a certain way about this.

• 1:30:28Speaker 01

  It's your Christmas card. It's, I think it's very important. And you want a partner who is showing you off to the world in some way.

• 1:30:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:34Speaker 01

  What I don't see from him is, what is his compromise? No, but here's what I'll do instead? That would at least show some, like, willingness to play and that it's not necessarily him, you know, stiff-arming some publicity of them as a couple. But like, is he asking for, what else can we do instead? What are other ways you can, we can share?

• 1:30:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:30:54Speaker 01

  Our relationship with the world, even if it's just to our friend group?

• 1:30:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I'm like, if everything else in their relationship is great, then I would let this go. I mean, I would have a conversation with him coming from like, a really kind, gentle place. And like, hey, I really love you and I'm proud of you and I want to show you off. And you know, I do this blog and Instagram and, but is there, can we just kind of chat about like, what your reservations are? Like, have they actually sat down and had the conversation? Or has it always been kind of like a heated argument? I would try that, because you should understand what your partner's got going on in the first place. And then if everything else is great and he treats you really well, like, I might just like, let it go. And be like, okay, well, once we get engaged, we're gonna have these engagement photos and he's gonna feel fine about it then, or wedding photos, whatever. I don't know, like, I wouldn't throw the relationship away over this, is what I'm, if everything else is good.

• 1:31:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I guess I wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Like, your Instagram storying, and you guys are together, I mean, five years, you probably lived together maybe, but you're certainly in each other's lives, holidays, birthdays, things like that. Is he running away from the frame as you pan the room? Like, is he like, don't get me in here? I don't, like, she said the only thing she's allowed to post is the back of his head. Like, is he making conscious efforts to not even be in an Instagram story?

• 1:31:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then is there other stuff going on? Like? To your point, I'm with you. Like, you should be able to post your partner on social media. So is he secretive about other stuff? Are there other, like, red flags? Like, I think I need a whole relationship assessment.

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  I mean, half of social media is, oh, that person's attractive. Are they single? And then looking through their pictures. Like, that's a big use of it. I would say this guy maybe needs to go to therapy. And let's keep him away from, like, RFK. And he just seems prone to conspiracy stuff. I'm like, could be anti-bacts. Like, that whole, like, I don't trust the whole system. Keep me out of it. Like, that can be a little spiral of its own if you let those people stay in isolation.

• 1:32:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:39Rayna Greenberg?

  There are people that just don't want to be involved in social media. Like, my brother has not. When he was in college, his football coaches were like, we don't want you guys to have, like, certain types of Instagram accounts that looks bad. And so he just stopped posting and never has again. But his wife has always posted him. He's never run away from a photo. Like, they go to concerts, they do fun stuff together, they go to weddings together. And she's always been allowed to post him. I'm just saying, like, I understand people being like, I don't really want a huge footprint on the internet of myself. But like, what's, I guess, I need to hear from him. What's the harm of, like, you guys are at a wedding together, you both look beautiful? What's the harm of, like, that photo being posted?

• 1:33:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  If he's trying to cheat, he's set up an easy way for himself to do it, is the, you know?

• 1:33:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's that.

• 1:33:22Rayna Greenberg?

  So I think all of us, you know, we just, we validate that this sucks. I don't know that it's a non-negotiable. You have to decide what non-negotiables are for you.

• 1:33:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, thanks.

• 1:33:31Speaker 01

  Thanks so much.

• 1:33:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  For talking through the emails with us and everything and coming on.

• 1:33:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you. You're really so great. We want to have your fiancee on.

• 1:33:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we should have Laura.

• 1:33:37Speaker 01

  Yes, you should.

• 1:33:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Laura, come on in. We bring her in now.

• 1:33:41Rayna Greenberg?

  And people can see you. I mean, you're at the Comedy Cellar in New York City. Where can people, like, see you, find you, find your special, everything?

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, my special is on YouTube, Hyperbolic. You can find me on all the social media platforms at Monday Punday. But just in general, if you're looking at my clips online, that's just a trailer for my stand-up. Please, please give the long-form stuff a try on YouTube. And I think you'll, you know, I think our attention spans are all getting shorter. You listened to this whole episode. So, you know, listen to, you know, something a little more than just one minute at a time would be really cool. I would really appreciate that.

• 1:34:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Ashley and I love it. It's fantastic. We can't recommend it enough.

• 1:34:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, you guys, watch the special, follow him, watch the clips, do all the things. And You can find us at girlsgottaeat.com, Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess, ashhess.com, Reina dot Greenberg on social media, vibesonly.com. Get all the vibrators are about to send you home with a plethora. Subscribe on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.