Pod Insights Pablo Torre Finds Out Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy About this episode Action Bronson raps, cooks, paints, hosts, and acts (for Martin Scorsese, at least). He also has philosophical explanations for why A) he
never wears pants, B) his go-to move is the headbutt, and C) nothing is better than a VHS tape. But Action Bronson had still never heard of the Accidental Bronson tribute account. Until now. Plus: AOL screennames, robot vacuum murder, and saggy balls.
This episode originally aired November 10, 2023
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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0:42 Pablo Torre? QPC, fries and a drink after a long day of recording. That is my happy place. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only, only at McDonald's. For a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California. And for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery. This episode is brought to you by Apollo.io. A lot of the stories on this show start the same way. Something that looks pretty simple turns out to be a mess once you look under the hood. Well, it's no different in the sales world. Your team has a tool for finding prospects, a different tool for reaching out to them, and a third for keeping track of it all.
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2:56 Pablo Torre? Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre, and today we're gonna find out what this sound is.
3:02 Speaker 02 Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that I would wanna say.
3:11 Pablo Torre? Right after this ad.
3:14 Speaker 03 You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.
3:30 Pablo Torre? Yo.
3:31 Speaker 02 How are you?
3:34 Speaker 02 What's going on, B?
3:35 Pablo Torre? Please.
3:35 Speaker 02 How you feeling, man?
3:36 Pablo Torre? I'm great. I'm great now that you're here, man.
3:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're here.
3:39 Pablo Torre? Are you sufficiently stoned enough?
3:41 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. I need an espresso, but can we lower this? Because I don't [bleep] with this height of a chair. It's like a three-quarter chair. I don't like that.
3:55 Pablo Torre? You approve, though. The espresso's all right?
3:56 Speaker 02 It's really good. The taste of vanilla.
3:58 Pablo Torre? That's what I chose for you.
4:00 Speaker 02 You chose the vanilla one?
4:01 Pablo Torre? I did.
4:02 Speaker 02 I usually wouldn't go for it, but, man, wow.
4:08 Speaker 02 Wow.
4:08 Pablo Torre? A wow from you means a lot to me. Not that I should take credit for whatever an espresso pod.
4:13 Speaker 02 Tahitian.
4:14 Pablo Torre? That's your usual go-to.
4:15 Speaker 02 Well, no, I feel like you depotted it and then just laid all the bean in there for me.
4:22 Pablo Torre? That's exactly what I did. Thank you for noticing.
4:26 Speaker 02 Wow.
4:49 Pablo Torre? There are some things in the city of New York that feel extraordinarily New York. And as a New York show, Pablo Torre finds out that feels the need to occasionally remind people that, yes, we have a physical studio in Manhattan, where we tape our show. I marvel at a person like Action Bronson, who is oozing New York out of every pore, and who is a rapper, and an artist, and chef, and a 30-something, I believe 39-year-old, native New Yorker, and a host of [BLEEP] That's Delicious, a wildly popular show about food. He's a Renaissance man, in a way that is entirely sincere. And so, when I saw him on the sidewalk
5:32 Pablo Torre? on one of my many, almost entirely random walks through the city, I realized that I had many, many questions that I needed to ask him. What I wasn't sure was whether his particular strain of consciousness would indulge the many questions that I had for him. I knew this was gonna be different. And so, I just needed to tell him how I felt.
6:02 Pablo Torre? I am so glad that you're sitting here.
6:08 Speaker 02 Thank you.
6:09 Pablo Torre? For real. Like, I was trying to... We were trying to figure out, like, how do we explain to someone who hasn't listened to your music, Action Bronson, before? And we had a couple of, like... Well, first off, what do you... When you imagine a listener and appreciator of your music doing, when they're listening to you, what do you imagine?
6:29 Speaker 02 I don't really give a shit, to be honest with you, like, I'm just doing it for myself. I'm not even thinking about like, anything else but new things. I'm just in that, like, I've just come back from a new path. I'm riding a new path. I feel great. Um, it's hard to describe anything. I don't, it's like- But if I wanted to describe it, I would have talked to you about it. You know what I'm saying, like? If, it's like when you paint. I didn't want to talk to you. I painted you something and that's that.
7:12 Speaker 02 Right now, we're in the process of making new music, new breakthroughs. So then I'll be excited. Having a brand new band and doing things like that, like, like the Tiny Desk and like that, you know, like-
7:26 Pablo Torre? That's the shit, though, that I've been listening to all week. That.
7:30 Speaker 02 This motherfucker's crazy, man. Oh, my God. I'm sorry for crushing you. See, it's like one of those, those platforms, when you're respected in music, they bring you on there and, I don't know, people seem to really enjoy it. Ten-time champ, it's about to be eleven. Just understand that I would die for this leather belt, man. Live from the moon.
7:56 Pablo Torre? I just want to say this very clearly, if you have not listened or learned much about Action Bronson before this interview somehow. This Tiny Desk concert at NPR in DC, yo, Nadir, behind the glass, one of my guys, we were trying to figure out, how do we describe this music? And he was like, "This music makes me want to ride a horse."
8:14 Speaker 02 Hmm, yes. My third eye, been popping for eight thousand years. I don't got no cheers. I don't got no fears. I don't get caught up in the bright lights, dear. It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires.
8:29 Pablo Torre? Yes.
8:30 Speaker 02 Riding horses on beaches naked. Just things of that nature, like fire. Just watching fire burn. Watching the ocean roar. Boys stay cozy. Laying in a bed that's full of roses, sipping rosy. Chilling with some Kobe's on. Gold roly on the phony arm. I travel the stars like Obi-Wan. But fuck Star Wars, man. Free flow in the acid jazz. I'm a jazz instrument, just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes. I am, you know?
9:26 Speaker 02 So it's definitely reinvigorated me in that manner, but it's, I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now. That's the zone.
9:37 Pablo Torre? So the zone sounds a little miserable if you're using a hole to describe it.
9:40 Speaker 02 Nah, not really. It's all, it's all, these are all like, I'm dramatic, I'm being dramatic.
9:48 Speaker 02 It's all dramatizations.
9:49 Pablo Torre? I like how you said earlier, I'm not good at describing things. And I'm like, you, I think, are one of the best describers of things.
9:58 Speaker 02 But no, it's not, because it's not, I'm not trying, I'm not describing it exact. It's a rendition of my exact brain. This is like, it's like the picture behind you. That's what's happening.
10:10 Pablo Torre? I wanna say, people have questions like, how do I book this show? I literally ran into you on the street one day. Do you remember this? I don't know if you remember this. On the street, like in Soho, I ran into you. I think we were both varying levels of stoned, incidentally.
10:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, listen, I love the Round the Horn. That's how you booked this.
10:30 Pablo Torre? But then I, I, I saw you then, I see you now, and it's kind of a fall day in New York. And I guess I should ask, like, when was the last time you wore pants?
10:39 Speaker 02 I don't, probably 15 to 20 years. The last time I put pants on, I had an accident. And I never wore them again.
10:50 Pablo Torre? What happened?
10:52 Speaker 02 Just wasn't good. It just wasn't good. It can't be discussed. It can't be discussed, but what I will say, that they were never to be touched on my skin again.
11:03 Pablo Torre? Every time I've ever seen you, you're wearing shorts.
11:07 Speaker 02 And they're stretchy so I could squat, so I could work out. I'm not fucking around with stiff shorts. You understand? I'm over here flexible.
11:21 Pablo Torre? When did you learn that you needed to have stretchy shorts?
11:25 Speaker 02 I was a husky child.
11:29 Speaker 02 Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation. Anything constricting is like, I get like sometimes you get that heat flash that comes over you and you just wanna rip everything off. (bleep) shirt off. I get that a lot. So for me, for me to be able to use the actual agility that I was given by nature and science with, you know, my body construction, it's only right that I put on a material that reflects and echoes all of the property.
12:10 Speaker 02 You know?
12:11 Pablo Torre? I feel like when you were a kid, though. What was that like? What's young Action Bronson like?
12:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, I mean, I don't know, like (bleep) wild, man. Every, every kid's crazy, I feel, in some aspect. You're not even fully conscious, you know? You're just kinda like drunk. You're kinda like on ass. You don't know what the (bleep) is really going on. You're so, like, little Bambi-ish, you know? So you're just running amok, doing whatever, thinking that there's no consequence on earth.
12:46 Speaker 02 And then, I don't know, one day it just all hits you. You're old and gray, your balls sag, you know? Your ass leaks.
12:58 Speaker 02 Not talking about me, but in general. These things happen.
13:03 Speaker 02 I feel like as I get older, I get more sophisticated, looking like Sean Connery.
13:07 Pablo Torre? The gravitas is, is all over your beard now.
13:11 Speaker 02 It's happening. It's happening.
13:13 Pablo Torre? When you're a kid and, uh, someone picks a fight with you,
13:20 Pablo Torre? what's the move?
13:21 Speaker 02 Headbutt.
13:24 Speaker 02 I'm a headbutter.
13:25 Pablo Torre? When'd you discover that that was your move? That's like a, that's like a Zangief move.
13:30 Speaker 02 It's like this...
13:33 Speaker 02 You ever watched the movie Gladiator?
13:35 Pablo Torre? Of course.
13:36 Speaker 02 But with Brian Dennehy? That one?
13:39 Pablo Torre? No.
13:40 Speaker 02 Cuba Gooding Jr. It was an early underground fighting movie, boxing. And he used to say this was the hardest part of the head.
13:51 Speaker 04 The top of the head, kid. Hardest part of the body. It hurts, don't it, huh? What are you gonna do now? What are you gonna do now? Here he comes. Here he comes.
14:02 Speaker 02 You've never [bleep] seen Gladiator with Brian Dennehy? You kidding me right now? I have this on VHS. Cuba Gooding Jr. Do you know that actor?
14:14 Pablo Torre? Of course.
14:15 Speaker 02 You might have heard of him?
14:16 Pablo Torre? I wish someone had shown me the VHS tape of Gladiator starring Cuba Gooding Jr. Yeah.
14:23 Speaker 02 It was starring Brian Dennehy.
14:24 Pablo Torre? Sorry.
14:25 Speaker 02 Cuba Gooding Jr. had the supporting role.
14:29 Speaker 02 But I had a grandfather, a very good man, who loved his VHSs and that's what he collected. And I have about 3,000 in my house.
14:40 Pablo Torre? Holy [bleep].
14:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, that he left me. All kinds of crazy [bleep]. Seen it all. Seen them all.
14:46 Pablo Torre? What's better about a VHS?
14:49 Speaker 02 There's grain. Everything is better about tape. There's some graininess. You have to be a connoisseur to understand it. It's like the in-between space.
14:58 Pablo Torre? The imperfection of it.
15:00 Speaker 02 It's that, but it also adds. It gives comfort and warmth in some aspects. Film is just captured differently than digital. You know, it's like, whatever. Anyone can pick the camera up and make the thing, you know?
15:15 Pablo Torre? I should point out that you have acted for Martin Scorsese when you talk about film.
15:21 Speaker 02 Yes. I'm accredited as a film actor in the guild.
15:26 Pablo Torre? That's right. I mean, you were in The Irishman.
15:30 Speaker 02 It's pretty fucking bizarre.
15:32 Pablo Torre? Can you explain what meeting Martin Scorsese and being directed by Martin Scorsese was like?
15:38 Speaker 02 Most of the time, people are as stoked as you are to meet them as they are to meet you. So when they-
15:44 Pablo Torre? He was a fan of yours.
15:45 Speaker 02 I don't know if that's the case, but he definitely showed enthusiasm. And showed a lot of love and it was nothing but happiness and laughter. And, you know, we had a good time. It was on, we only did about three takes and that was it.
16:02 Pablo Torre? What was the role you played for people who are unfamiliar?
16:05 Speaker 02 I, just some fucking weird, like, casket salesman. In about the third hour, 10-minute mark. It was a pivotal point. They're like the Cadillacs of caskets. Now, if we're putting you in the fucking oven, it really doesn't matter what you're going. The cheapest shit possible. Particle board, that's it. What are we doing today? Are we doing a cremation?
16:31 Pablo Torre? I remember distinctly waking up on my couch to the third hour, thereabout mark, and thinking to myself, "Am I hallucinating Action Bronson into this film?"
16:41 Speaker 02 With that beard, it was bizarre. He asked me to take the beard off. But I, you know, at that point, I was like, "Man, this is like, I have like six chins under here, so I'm probably not."
16:54 Pablo Torre? I'm imagining, I'm imagining your home, and I'm imagining the 3,000 VHS tapes. I'm imagining your incredibly worn-down rewinder.
17:04 Speaker 02 You already know there was a rewinder. There has to be.
17:06 Pablo Torre? Of course.
17:07 Speaker 02 There's no, there's no, you can't put your machine through that type of wear and tear. You need a separate rewinder. And it was a Corvette.
17:15 Pablo Torre? Oh, shit.
17:16 Speaker 02 You know how the Corvette rewinder-
17:17 Pablo Torre? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the red rewinder. And so if I were to put your brain inside of your Corvette rewinder, what is the memory that comes up that is not actually on tape anywhere, but you think of as, "Oh, this is a core memory that I, Action Bronson, have."
17:33 Speaker 02 So I mean, so many. I couldn't tell you those. Those are for me. I can't tell you.
17:41 Pablo Torre? The pants one's in there, isn't there? Yeah.
17:43 Speaker 02 No, the pants, with pants, there's no, there's no secret of the pants. I don't wear them.
17:51 Speaker 02 I just don't think that they're nice. Fashion wise, I don't like to cover my leg.
17:58 Speaker 02 I work hard to get a calf.
18:00 Pablo Torre? Dude, I relate.
18:00 Speaker 02 That has some sort of diamond shape.
18:02 Pablo Torre? I, I, I'm ashamed.
18:03 Speaker 02 Why would I wanna take away from that calf?
18:05 Pablo Torre? I'm ashamed.
18:06 Speaker 02 I like a sock. I like to show the shoe. I like a full, like my [BLEEP] is like my, my quadricep is literally out, fully flexed.
18:18 Pablo Torre? Yes, yes. Quads out.
18:21 Speaker 02 It's quad season. I'm just trying to recover from a sacroiliac injury. It's under your like ass area, like your nut groin.
18:30 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
18:31 Speaker 02 From the back.
18:31 Pablo Torre? Like, this is, this is a...
18:33 Speaker 02 It's a very specific area. It's like these muscles that keep the hamstring nice.
18:37 Pablo Torre? So that's not like the grundle?
18:39 Speaker 02 It's near it.
18:40 Pablo Torre? Grundle adjacent.
18:41 Speaker 02 It's, it's par- parallel to the grundle.
18:44 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
18:45 Speaker 02 It's running parallel.
18:46 Pablo Torre? Yep, yep, yep.
18:47 Speaker 02 It's in a grid.
18:48 Pablo Torre? Yep. Almost asymptotic to the grundle. Sort of like always approaching but never touching it.
18:55 Speaker 02 Nah, it runs congruence.
18:59 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
19:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:03 Pablo Torre? I should point out that your calf philosophy shames me because I consider the Filipino people on Filipino, um, to have excellent calves. I consider my calves excellent. I have artwork about the Filipino calf.
19:16 Speaker 02 Wow.
19:16 Pablo Torre? This is like a, this is not the first time I pointed this out to a guest, but on the left is like a standard, like a white guy, you know, just very vertical calf. On the right is the Filipino calf in my view. And I've been told I should wear more shorts.
19:29 Speaker 02 You do. You have to show, you have to show, you have to condition your shin also.
19:33 Pablo Torre? The shin?
19:34 Speaker 02 The shin bone muscle is very important as well. You have to do the front flex, not only the calf. You can't just do front. You gotta do back also.
19:43 Pablo Torre? So what is a, how do you, how do you, how do you work out your shin?
19:46 Speaker 02 You fle- flex your toe upwards.
19:50 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
19:51 Speaker 02 Do you feel that muscle?
19:52 Pablo Torre? I do.
19:53 Speaker 02 Now put it back down. No, no, you doesn't have to go all the way up. No, no, no. Put your leg down, your leg down. Yeah, right there, right there. Flex your foot. Now really flex it up tight.
20:03 Pablo Torre? Oh yeah, there it is.
20:04 Speaker 02 Feel that muscle?
20:05 Pablo Torre? There it is.
20:05 Speaker 02 That one.
20:07 Pablo Torre? What is your workout routine like now?
20:11 Speaker 02 I just fucking go hard for an hour and a half and you know, I do, I do things that I like doing and then I do things that I hate doing.
20:21 Pablo Torre? Give me the thing you love the most, give me the thing you hate the most.
20:25 Speaker 02 I don't really like bench pressing. It's not really like, I don't fucking love that shit. I love to squat. I love to fucking do like Zercher squats with the weight in front of you. I like picking up stones and sandbags and shit like that. I don't like running.
20:46 Speaker 02 I don't like doing running for long distance.
20:48 Pablo Torre? You like the world's strongest man shit.
20:51 Speaker 02 I do, but then I also like, like skinny boy shit. I wanna be fucking in shape as well. I like the MMA type of cardio training. I like fighting training. I like that type of shit. I like to be pushed to the physical limits.
21:07 Pablo Torre? There's a tattoo you have that I believe is, um...
21:11 Speaker 02 Nothing means anything.
21:13 Pablo Torre? So the one that you have...
21:14 Speaker 02 Doesn't mean a fucking thing.
21:17 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds', his season?
21:19 Speaker 02 Doesn't really mean a thing. I was a stupid kid. This is going back to being an idiot. Why did I do that? He had other seasons where he was juiced up, but that was his most juiced up season. I can't wait to get on fucking GH, honestly.
21:34 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds is...
21:35 Speaker 02 Soon as I turn 40, I'm taking GH.
21:38 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds' 73 homerun season, you have that stat line tattooed on your body. And the growth hormone...
21:46 Speaker 02 It wasn't his most impressive average season. You know that.
21:51 Pablo Torre? Well...
21:52 Speaker 02 He hit like 380, right? 375?
21:55 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds hit 370 the year after that.
22:00 Speaker 02 Exactly. That was more impressive. Less homeruns.
22:03 Pablo Torre? Cause he got walked all the time.
22:03 Speaker 02 Less homeruns, but hit 370.
22:05 Pablo Torre? Yes, yes. Got walked all the time, was the most feared player in baseball. And by the way-
22:10 Speaker 02 That's how I step to the plate. You put that thing on the f***ing arm.
22:12 Pablo Torre? The elbow guard?
22:13 Speaker 02 When you have that on and you have a dangling earring, who are you to be f***ed with?
22:17 Pablo Torre? Just about to headbutt a f***ing baseball.
22:20 Speaker 02 His head was like his jaw. He had GH face.
22:23 Pablo Torre? So the GH face, the growth hormone.
22:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:26 Pablo Torre? Have you taken steroids before?
22:27 Speaker 02 Yeah. Twenty-four years old, I was juiced up. I don't know, I was taking Project Juice. My boy was like, you know, from, my boy from the neighborhood was getting some juice. And we was shooting it up. Shooting up juice.
22:42 Pablo Torre? Into what part of your body were you shooting up?
22:44 Speaker 02 Arm, leg. Ass cheek. Rear delt. Seriously. Bad s***. But who knew where this juice was coming from? Could have been canola oil. Could have been whatever. Mazola. I could have been f***ing giving myself goddamn project surgery, you know, like BBLs.
23:06 Pablo Torre? Yep, yep, yep, yep. And what would you go do, though, with all of the?
23:09 Speaker 02 I would go f***ing do ballet. And ice skate. We might go f***ing lift weights, bro. Meathead s***. Eat turkey. Raw turkey. Rolled in me- Rolled in raw chicken meat. And then rolled in provolone. Iso Pure, EAS, Bill Romanowski.
23:39 Pablo Torre? F*** yes.
23:40 Speaker 02 You understand? That's the type, I was taking creatine at thirteen years old.
23:45 Pablo Torre? I imagine you now. I imagine young Action Bronson eating a raw f***ing turducken like John Madden.
23:50 Speaker 02 Straight up tur- I mean, turducken is ridiculous, but I like it.
23:57 Pablo Torre? It's, it does seem a little, like, unholy.
23:59 Speaker 02 Well, when it's done right, it's delicious. The idea of just like, all that, I think is craziness. That's more for like, seems like it started for a party.
24:10 Pablo Torre? That's right.
24:10 Speaker 02 Someone wanted to have a party, so they f*** it, let's do something festive.
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28:01 Pablo Torre? I want to explain to people, I think of you as like the ambassador of Queens. So I'm from New York. I grew up on 30th and First in Manhattan. Friends lived in Queens, all of that.
28:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:13 Pablo Torre? Spent way too much time in like the Floral Park area growing up.
28:16 Speaker 02 The hell were you doing in Floral Park?
28:18 Pablo Torre? My friend Pietro D'Zario lived in a Floral Park. Flopo.
28:21 Speaker 02 Okay.
28:23 Pablo Torre? Also Woodside, Filipino food.
28:25 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
28:26 Pablo Torre? How do you explain Queens to people who have not been there?
28:29 Speaker 02 It's a mixture of every single life on Earth in one place. So it's kind of like, it's a holy land.
28:38 Pablo Torre? It is the most diverse place maybe on Earth, dude.
28:40 Speaker 02 It is, it is. It's a holy land. I've been a lot of, I couldn't see anywhere else being this diverse.
28:47 Speaker 02 There's [BLEEP] that stacked up other places, but it's not with all these different cultures. It's truly unbelievable.
28:56 Pablo Torre? Yes.
28:57 Speaker 02 It's truly an unbelievable place.
28:59 Pablo Torre? Yes.
29:00 Speaker 02 It's somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave, and you've already been everywhere.
29:07 Pablo Torre? So, I feel like a lot of people, the export from Queens that they think they're getting is like, Kevin James, King of Queens.
29:15 Speaker 02 When I think of Queens, I think of Coming to America.
29:18 Pablo Torre? Yes.
29:19 Speaker 02 That's the first thing I think of. And I think that that's a tremendous depiction of Queens.
29:24 Pablo Torre? That one is, you're right.
29:25 Speaker 02 That shows Queens in one of the most incredible lights ever. You gotta go to Queens, that's where you're gonna [BLEEP] meet one of the most incredible...
29:33 Pablo Torre? Royalty.
29:35 Speaker 02 Literally royalty. He got his face on the money, man. You know? He's rich. He is rich! What? He got his own money. And baby, when I tell you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money! You did it this time! You hit the jackpot! That type of [BLEEP].
29:59 Pablo Torre? Were you on AOL?
30:00 Speaker 02 Hell yeah.
30:01 Pablo Torre? What was your screen name?
30:02 Speaker 02 AceSuede56.
30:04 Pablo Torre? Hmm. How'd you get settled on that?
30:08 Speaker 02 How did I get settled? It didn't take much. I just thought of some [BLEEP] and that became that. My jersey number was 56 in high school, like a meathead, and that was it.
30:21 Pablo Torre? So AceSuede56...
30:22 Speaker 02 Yup. At AOL.com.
30:25 Pablo Torre? At AOL.com.
30:26 Speaker 02 Net Zero.
30:27 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah.
30:29 Speaker 02 The CD.
30:30 Pablo Torre? Yup. Yup, I was on EarthLink.
30:32 Speaker 02 Damn. Those are two off-brand ones.
30:36 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
30:37 Speaker 02 I had this kid in my neighborhood who was a computer whiz. [BLEEP] built the computer. And he got me all set up on the, on the compact Rosario.
30:46 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah, man.
30:48 Speaker 02 And then I got the Dell. I didn't have the good [BLEEP]. When we had a word processor, I thought we had a computer. I would try to enter launch codes, but it never worked.
31:00 Pablo Torre? What, what sport did you play, number 56?
31:02 Speaker 02 Football.
31:03 Pablo Torre? Position?
31:03 Speaker 02 Bayside High School, center and nose guard. Prestige.
31:07 Pablo Torre? Give me the scouting report on you as a player.
31:12 Speaker 02 Deceptively quick.
31:18 Speaker 02 Hard hitting.
31:21 Speaker 02 Long lasting. IQ on **** unbelievable ****. My awareness is a hundred on Madden. So I'm like the field general. I'm the quarterback of the line. I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws.
31:46 Speaker 02 I question his decision making. Why'd you do that?
31:51 Pablo Torre? What was the reaction?
31:52 Speaker 02 True?
31:53 Pablo Torre? When you are questioning what's happening on this team?
31:57 Speaker 02 I'm not that type of guy. In my mind, I was, what the **** was that, you know? I could like throw him under the bus. Onto the next play.
32:07 Pablo Torre? Your athletic hero was who?
32:11 Speaker 02 My true athletic hero, I don't really know.
32:16 Speaker 02 Who did I look to as like, wow, Mike Tyson?
32:19 Pablo Torre? Yeah.
32:20 Speaker 02 Yeah. He captivated me. As probably many others.
32:26 Pablo Torre? Did you ever meet Mike?
32:27 Speaker 02 Yeah. He **** kissed me on the hands.
32:32 Pablo Torre? I'm sorry. How does that work?
32:33 Speaker 02 It's like we kissed each other on hands as respect. Just happened. Just happened.
32:41 Pablo Torre? I feel like Mike Tyson kissing you on the hand is kinda like, I don't know.
32:46 Speaker 02 It was crazy.
32:46 Pablo Torre? Diana Ross kissing you on the vocal cord.
32:49 Speaker 02 That's pretty **** heavy duty, but yeah. Yeah. I'd say so. You like Diana Ross?
32:57 Pablo Torre? I was trying to think of spontaneously, who is the person who I'd most value?
33:01 Speaker 02 You would want her to kiss you on the vocal cord?
33:03 Pablo Torre? Yeah, who's the equivalent of Mike Tyson? That's the SAT problem. Mike Tyson is to hands as blank is to vocal cords.
33:11 Speaker 02 Hmm, let's see.
33:16 Speaker 02 I don't know, ****. Diana Ross, I guess.
33:23 Pablo Torre? Celine Dion?
33:24 Speaker 02 Nah. Not really into her.
33:29 Pablo Torre? I mean, Stevie Wonder.
33:31 Speaker 02 Now that's a vocal cord.
33:33 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
33:34 Speaker 02 That's a vocal cord kisser right there.
33:41 Pablo Torre? You made a, you made a music video, though, in which you, this is like pre-deep fake. You edited your face onto the body of Magnus Ver Magnuson.
33:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:02 Pablo Torre? Can you explain Magnus Ver Magnuson for people who don't know? The world's strongest man mythology?
34:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, Magnus Ver Magnuson is one of the, like, one of the top strong men of the world. I think he won three. He's just one of them in this world. Marius Pujanowski.
34:19 Pablo Torre? Yes.
34:20 Speaker 02 Yuko Hola won it twice.
34:23 Pablo Torre? Magnus won it four times.
34:24 Speaker 02 Magnus won it four.
34:25 Pablo Torre? 91, 94, 95, 96.
34:27 Speaker 02 Excuse me. But right now, I'm in bulk season. I'm back in bulk season. But not too much bulk. Just enough that when I come down, I'm shredded. And it's really showing.
34:42 Pablo Torre? What does bulking up for, for you look like?
34:45 Speaker 02 Um, this is it. I'm 275 right now, that's it. Can't, can't allow myself to get over that. Bringing myself down to 230, I'm gonna look like [bleep] Jean-Claude Van Damme.
34:57 Pablo Torre? He's doing a split between two trucks.
34:59 Speaker 02 Volvos.
35:00 Pablo Torre? Volvos.
35:02 Speaker 02 Remember that commercial?
35:03 Pablo Torre? Of course.
35:04 Speaker 02 This doesn't look like I'm [bleep] jacked up in this [bleep] picture. See, like it's both, I'm a little bit better now. Leaning forward, I don't look jacked. That's the issue.
35:16 Pablo Torre? I mean, you're wearing a sweater.
35:19 Speaker 02 I'm wearing a Dikembe Mutombo jersey under this, bro.
35:21 Pablo Torre? Are you really?
35:22 Speaker 02 [bleep] sure am.
35:23 Pablo Torre? Nuggets?
35:24 Speaker 02 Who else? I mean, yeah, the Hawks, but yeah. It is.
35:27 Pablo Torre? It's one of the greatest jerseys of all time. His Mutombo Nuggets jersey.
35:31 Speaker 02 And the Mutombo Hawks jersey.
35:33 Pablo Torre? Both great. I once talked to Dikembe Mutombo about, um, his life, and he told me that his house, he had to have special toilets installed because, of course, he's like 7'2" or whatever it is.
35:45 Speaker 02 The importance of a good toilet, I was speaking to my colleague yesterday. You don't really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat.
35:55 Pablo Torre? Bro.
35:55 Speaker 02 You literally [bleep] immediately. And it's like...
36:01 Speaker 02 It's not just a regular [BLEEP]. Everything comes out. You know what I mean?
36:05 Pablo Torre? Can I, can I bond with you hopefully about?
36:09 Speaker 02 But you know the toilet, you sit down and then start spraying something real quick. When you get up, I get up. So it doesn't hit me.
36:16 Pablo Torre? So you don't like the bidet toilet?
36:17 Speaker 02 I duck it. I don't let, I don't let it touch me.
36:19 Pablo Torre? Oh, come on. What are you doing?
36:21 Speaker 02 This is the mist prior.
36:22 Pablo Torre? Oh, oh, oh, okay, okay.
36:24 Speaker 02 Because I guess they [BLEEP] moist in the area. But this is the pre-mist. I don't let that touch me.
36:29 Pablo Torre? But, but under your control? You like a bidet?
36:33 Speaker 02 No.
36:33 Pablo Torre? Oh, come on. What are you doing?
36:35 Speaker 02 I'm old school. I come from a grandma with no paper, just a hand. Just a hand.
36:43 Pablo Torre? Can I? For the podcast audience, Action Bronson.
36:47 Speaker 02 A grandmother doing this, not me.
36:49 Pablo Torre? Is almost like flipping an imaginary pizza with his right hand.
36:55 Pablo Torre? My, uh, my most disliked version of a toilet is the toilet with, uh, the padded seat.
37:05 Speaker 02 That's old school.
37:06 Pablo Torre? I hate it.
37:06 Speaker 02 I mean, that's [BLEEP] weird when you, it deflates as soon as you sit on it.
37:10 Pablo Torre? Yes.
37:10 Speaker 02 It's weird.
37:11 Pablo Torre? It's like someone asking you to [BLEEP] into a pillow.
37:14 Speaker 02 Pull over, I'll [BLEEP] out the window. If I need to go, it's happening.
37:18 Pablo Torre? But you like a warm seat, but that's about it.
37:20 Speaker 02 A warm seat is definitely a game changer. Cold, cold floor, warm seat.
37:26 Pablo Torre? Yes.
37:26 Speaker 02 Duel. So you get the dual heat.
37:30 Pablo Torre? Yup.
37:30 Speaker 02 Cool feet.
37:31 Pablo Torre? Shins extended.
37:33 Speaker 02 Oh my, I mean. I don't know who wears clothes to [BLEEP], but I don't.
37:38 Pablo Torre? You go full on, um...
37:39 Speaker 02 No matter where, if I'm in Kmart, Caldo. Wherever.
37:45 Pablo Torre? Caldo?
37:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:46 Pablo Torre? Yo, Caldo, man. I don't know if kids respect Caldo the way they need to.
37:50 Speaker 02 I used to take Caldo to the [BLEEP], to the cleaners.
37:53 Pablo Torre? What are you doing inside of a Caldo?
37:55 Speaker 02 Steal anything that's, you know, all the paint. Take all the home products, the rollers.
38:03 Pablo Torre? Handheld dustbusters?
38:05 Speaker 02 The **** when that red devil came out?
38:08 Pablo Torre? Yes.
38:09 Speaker 02 The dirt devil?
38:09 Pablo Torre? Yep.
38:11 Speaker 02 I've had a dustbuster in my house. **** I can't even remember when I didn't. Right now, we don't even have a regular vacuum. We have a **** handheld dustbuster. There's no need. Either the shark or the dustbuster.
38:26 Pablo Torre? So like the world of Roombas does not appeal to you? The robots?
38:30 Speaker 02 It actually makes me crazy when they put the thing on. I **** trip over it, creeps up on you.
38:36 Pablo Torre? It does.
38:36 Speaker 02 You'll be cooking up some bull.
38:40 Pablo Torre? I heard a story once about someone falling asleep on their, on their floor. The Roomba comes out, they have long hair. Now they're being murdered by their, by their vacuum.
38:51 Speaker 02 I mean, listen, all that ****. We saw Terminator two. This is what they were talking about. You understand? The machines. Skynet? This is what they were speaking of.
39:07 Speaker 02 Arnold told you already this was happening. And this is why when they bring the food with the robot, it freaks me the **** out.
39:15 Pablo Torre? Yep.
39:15 Speaker 02 You know?
39:16 Pablo Torre? Yep.
39:16 Speaker 02 I don't want to see that ****. **** drop underwear from **** where's it from?
39:24 Pablo Torre? Right drones, like Amazon drones?
39:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, drop Amazon underwear. You drop the underwear with the plane. Why?
39:31 Pablo Torre? I like to imagine you like trying to like **** uh throw a discus at those drones.
39:39 Speaker 02 Discus was one of the best sweatshirts brand that ever lived. One of the best athletic brands and I don't know what happened to Discus, but man. Queens?
39:49 Pablo Torre? Yes.
39:49 Speaker 02 If you had a **** Discus hoodie or a Discus, whatever this one is called.
39:56 Speaker 02 You were the one.
39:57 Pablo Torre? I want to ask you about.
39:58 Speaker 02 Twelve pack of Sunwear shirts in the trunk. Talha. You know about these? You know about Talha shirts?
40:05 Pablo Torre? No.
40:06 Speaker 02 It's from the white tee days. Made in Bangladesh.
40:11 Pablo Torre? So how is a Talha shirt different from like the Hanes? You know?
40:15 Speaker 02 Because it's **** Talha. Tall tee.
40:19 Pablo Torre? Mmm.
40:19 Speaker 02 Number six XT's.
40:21 Pablo Torre? Of course.
40:22 Speaker 02 Weren't you doing **** you know, I think they like me dances? Laffy taffy?
40:29 Pablo Torre? I mean, but this is the NBA, my favorite era of the NBA.
40:33 Speaker 02 Throwbacks, I mean, I don't think I've ever taken a throwback off since they came out. There's no need.
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41:30 Pablo Torre? Just mix a packet of Instant Hydration with water and I am feeling ready to push through to the end of the day. For a better way to stay hydrated, go to instanthydration.com/ptfo and use my promo code PTFO for over 40% off your first subscription order. It's Instant Hydration's best offer available. That's instanthydration.com/ptfo, promo code PTFO. Life in 2026 is tough. We all have our struggles and we could all use some help. But trying to figure out how to get the right mental health treatment for you can feel overwhelming. Talkiiatry helps you move from "I know I need help" to actually having a psychiatrist who listens and a clear personalized treatment plan.
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43:40 Pablo Torre? And it all ships to your door in easy-to-move boxes. Plus, Cozy's free one-on-one design consultations make the whole home vision a lot less intimidating. Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan, because Cozy makes every part of the process easy. So, visit Cozy today. That's C-O-Z-E-Y.com, and make yourself at home.
44:09 Pablo Torre? Have you heard of this Twitter account called Accidental Bronson? No. I don't know if you're gonna love this or hate this, but would you be okay with me explaining this to you? Sure. So, I was sitting at a New York Liberty game, in the second row, right behind courtside, and in front of me was Carmelo Anthony. And I was eating pocky. You familiar with pocky? Of course. Which flavor? Matcha. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Good choice. Exactly. A rare, a rare, a rare version of it. Did it come from Japan? Yes. Of course. I'm not [bleep] around, man. Rare snacks, man? Rare snacks. Okay. So, I'm eating this matcha green pocky behind Carmelo Anthony, and I tweeted out,
44:54 Pablo Torre? and I just captioned it, "Quietly eating pocky behind Carmelo Anthony."
44:59 Pablo Torre? And a Twitter account, which I did not know about till then, titled Accidental Bronson, retweets it. And I'm like, what the f**k is this?
45:08 Speaker 02 Oh, it sounds like a r- like something I would say.
45:11 Pablo Torre? And it's just all of the things that people are tweeting inadvertently. And I'm like, that is exactly a thing that f***ing Accidental Bronson would say.
45:19 Speaker 02 It's true. I mean, to think about it like this.
45:25 Speaker 02 Real life is much crazier than anything that you could script, you know? All the bull**** that you could conjure up in your mind really isn't that cool. If you just assess the situation around you real quick. Like, okay, this is what's happening.
45:43 Pablo Torre? So you immediately intuitively understood the premise of Accidental Bronson?
45:47 Speaker 02 I get it.
45:48 Pablo Torre? Can I show you some other ones that people have?
45:51 Speaker 02 Sure.
45:52 Pablo Torre? I- I feel like-
45:53 Speaker 02 Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.
45:55 Pablo Torre? I feel like you gotta say them, though.
45:57 Speaker 02 Nah, nah, nah. You have to say it. Nah, let me say it.
46:00 Pablo Torre? Okay.
46:00 Speaker 02 Let me say it, let me say it.
46:01 Pablo Torre? And then what you can do though-
46:02 Speaker 02 Let me see it.
46:03 Pablo Torre? You can grade it, okay? You can grade it. Let me just, I'm gonna expand the window on my laptop. I mean, this is gonna be a thing, because this is a tribute account to you.
46:10 Speaker 02 Okay, so, put me and Timothy Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill, and I'm putting him in a hospital. I mean, boom. That's hard.
46:18 Pablo Torre? That's f***ing hard.
46:20 Speaker 02 It's all about that type of word. Timothy Chalamet? Chamalee? Chalamet.
46:27 Pablo Torre? Chalamet.
46:27 Speaker 02 It's a good word.
46:28 Pablo Torre? It is.
46:29 Speaker 02 It's a nice name. It flows nicely off the tongue. 12 a.m. on the Amalfi Coast, watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Hard.
46:41 Pablo Torre? So we're gonna do this on a binary scale of hard and not hard?
46:43 Speaker 02 Because there's different depths of description.
46:48 Pablo Torre? Yes.
46:49 Speaker 02 Why are they playing in Edmonton? And it's preseason. There's different depths. There's things that add character to it.
46:56 Pablo Torre? Absolutely, absolutely.
46:58 Speaker 02 For sure. Representative George Santos was charged with theft for stealing puppies from an Amish dairy farmer. That's a dud.
47:11 Pablo Torre? That's just a news story.
47:12 Speaker 02 That's a dud.
47:13 Pablo Torre? That was just a news headline.
47:14 Speaker 02 Just spilled an entire box of shallots in the backseat of the Uber. That could be a hook.
47:22 Speaker 02 That could definitely be a hook.
47:23 Pablo Torre? That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
47:25 Speaker 02 It could be a **** hook. Young Dragan Petrovic with a great pair of Adidas top tens.
47:32 Pablo Torre? It's a photo of a shirtless young Dragan Petrovic.
47:34 Speaker 02 You could just take Young Dragan Petrovic with and then put whatever after.
47:39 Pablo Torre? Yep.
47:40 Speaker 02 This is a, this is rap class.
47:42 Pablo Torre? I, I, I am **** taking notes.
47:45 Speaker 02 Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divac. Hell, yeah. I **** with that hard.
47:50 Pablo Torre? Vladi Divac's a smoking.
47:52 Speaker 02 That's what I would probably mention, something about that or. You got the ass of a young Vladi Divac. It's heavy. I once mentioned my **** was thick like John Lovitz.
48:02 Pablo Torre? Mmm. The critic.
48:05 Speaker 02 He's one of my favorite actors. He's thick.
48:08 Pablo Torre? He is. Multiple Cs.
48:10 Speaker 02 Ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. That's just an incredible ****.
48:16 Pablo Torre? It is.
48:16 Speaker 02 That's a visual right there.
48:17 Pablo Torre? That's just poetry. Ashing a sesame bagel.
48:20 Speaker 02 I love that that's.
48:21 Pablo Torre? In front of a Roomba.
48:22 Speaker 02 That type of thing that's attached to me, I'm happy about. Lizzo probably be hitting people in the knee with her flute like Tonya Harding. I actually.
48:35 Speaker 02 I just did a show where I was the chief support for Incubus in LA, which I don't know, is a **** 18,000 people sold out show.
48:48 Pablo Torre? It's an incredible sentence.
48:49 Speaker 02 All right, exactly. And Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson, one step away, was in the dressing room next to me. And as we walk out to go do the thing, there's this woman in a tuxedo with a tail. And you know, she had like very shiny shoes on and she was holding something. And Lizzo was the special guest. So she was in front of Lizzo's dressing room, holding the flute for her.
49:15 Pablo Torre? She had a, she had a flute butler.
49:17 Speaker 02 White glove flute but, flute but, but, white glove flute butler.
49:24 Speaker 02 That's a [bleep] hard line also at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball.
49:29 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
49:30 Speaker 02 I would word it differently, but yes, it's hard. I'm at the club showing women the Montesabonis DHO highlights. I know his father.
49:37 Pablo Torre? Yeah, of course, Arvitas.
49:39 Speaker 02 I'd be showing his father.
49:40 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
49:41 Speaker 02 That would also be weird.
49:43 Pablo Torre? Well, some of those lost tapes, though. Not even on VHS of Arvitas.
49:47 Speaker 02 Arvitas, Arvitas.
49:47 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah, being ahead of his time. One of the great pastors of all time. Big men pastors.
49:53 Speaker 02 Not me getting [bleep] off at Beetlejuice the Musical. I like the premise of this.
49:58 Pablo Torre? Well, that actually happened.
49:59 Speaker 02 To you? To who?
50:03 Pablo Torre? Uh. It was Representative Lauren Boebert, that security video in black and white.
50:09 Speaker 02 The Musical?
50:09 Pablo Torre? Yeah, I love, I love that I am breaking the news to you that Lauren Boebert gave like her date a handjob at through the pants. At Beetlejuice the Musical in like Colorado.
50:19 Speaker 02 Doesn't count.
50:20 Pablo Torre? Yeah, fair.
50:21 Speaker 02 What are we, in [bleep] sixth grade? Handjob through the pants. She should [bleep] be ashamed of herself.
50:27 Pablo Torre? That was not the takeaway for most people, but I see where you're coming from.
50:30 Speaker 02 Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that. I would wanna say. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Yeah. Hard. I saw Fox eating sour cream and cheddar. Nah. I like the idea of this, though. Using animals in alliteration.
50:55 Pablo Torre? Yes.
50:56 Speaker 02 Is that the right term where they're speaking as human?
50:59 Pablo Torre? Oh, that's anthropomorphizing, anthropomorphizing.
51:02 Speaker 02 What is alliteration?
51:04 Pablo Torre? That's when the words in a row have the same first letter.
51:07 Speaker 02 That was totally off.
51:09 Pablo Torre? I had the letter A right.
51:10 Speaker 02 That was eliteration or alliteration?
51:14 Pablo Torre? Alliteration.
51:15 Speaker 02 What is eliteration?
51:16 Pablo Torre? I don't think that's a thing.
51:17 Speaker 02 I bet you it is. Someone Google that.
51:22 Speaker 02 Alright, that's it. I'm getting [bleep] out of here. I gotta go eat, bro. I'm done.
51:26 Pablo Torre? Um. Action Bronson, thank you for being, uh, everything I had hoped for.
51:33 Pablo Torre? Can I kiss your hand?
51:34 Speaker 02 No, you're not, but you're gonna hug me.
51:35 Pablo Torre? Okay, very good.
51:36 Speaker 02 You're gonna hug me hard with a game of
51:54 Pablo Torre? So what I found out today is why listening to Action Bronson makes me happy. And it's one of the first things I told him, right? "Your music makes me feel good." And the reason why, it turns out, is because he embodies this contradiction between this abiding, deep seriousness, and also the exact opposite. Often at the same time. Action Bronson loves a high-stakes scenario decorated with lowbrow details. He makes music for Don Corleone.
52:39 Pablo Torre? If Don Corleone also loved the NBA.
52:45 Pablo Torre? He is somebody who makes music to listen to while walking around New York City, because New York City is the greatest city in the world.
52:56 Pablo Torre? That also, at times, is aggressively the opposite. Which is why it is worth celebrating. And so here Pablo Torre finds out a New York show that has just introduced Action Bronson to Accidental Bronson, reflecting our capacity individually to spontaneously embody this very contradiction. "No matter where you are on this planet, we wanted to send you into your weekend, into your wanderings around wherever you are, with just something to, um, to listen to."
53:32 Speaker 02 12 a.m. on the Amalfi Coast, watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Young Dragan Petrovic with a great pair of Adidas Top 10s. Hard. Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladivostok. Not me getting [__] off at Beetlejuice the Musical, but at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Just spilled an entire box of shallots.
53:56 Pablo Torre? Hard and not hard.
53:57 Speaker 02 In the backseat of the Uber, ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba.
54:02 Pablo Torre? Yes.
54:03 Speaker 02 And I'm putting them in a hospital. Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I could be a [__] hook. I once mentioned my [__] was thick like John Lovitz. Multiple Cs.
54:16 Speaker 02 Alright, that's it. I'm getting out of here. I gotta go eat, bro.
54:20 Speaker 02 Hard and not hard.
54:37 Pablo Torre? And on that note,
54:40 Pablo Torre? Pablo Torre finds out could not be produced without Michael Antonucci, Ryan Corzett, Sam Daywig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rachel Miller Howard, Ethan Schreier, Carl Scott, Matt Sullivan, Chris Tumminello, as well as studio engineering by RG Systems, post-production by NGW Post, our theme song by Jean Bravo, as always. And for now, we're gonna go on a walk, but we'll talk to you soon.
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Previous A Content Carol with Miserable Pablo Torre Next I Think I Solved the Mystery of the NFL's Secret Scammer and a $5 Billion Check Page updated November 5, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated