Our Election-Free Share & Tell with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

The national vibes are... fraught. So, Pablo asks: What do you watch to make yourself feel better? Plus: athshletes, Uncrustables, the world's largest kaleidoscope, thicc televisions, and Understanding It Now. Further soothing content: Björk talking about her TV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75WFTHpOw8Y Zombie Kid Likes Turtles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y The CEO of Corn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VbZE6YhjKk Grape Lady falls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STbhaqsBJB0 Eve of Saint Crispin's Day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-yZNMWFqvM SHOOTING GUMMIE BEARS INTO A WATER BOTTLE https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Og7xd04-LKs We Couldn't Be Derailed in Brooklyn https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-Sd0DsLjh_M LeBron James Rides the New York City Subway https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGzmyn2eSBY Wait, NFL players eat how many Uncrustables? (Jayson Jenks) https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/5854102/2024/10/24/uncrustables-nfl/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Pablo Torre?

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• 0:42Pablo Torre?

  QPC, fries and a drink after a long day of recording. That is my happy place. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only, only at McDonald's. For a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California. And for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery. This episode is brought to you by Apollo.io. A lot of the stories on this show start the same way. Something that looks pretty simple turns out to be a mess once you look under the hood. Well, it's no different in the sales world. Your team has a tool for finding prospects, a different tool for reaching out to them, and a third for keeping track of it all.

• 1:27Pablo Torre?

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• 2:10Pablo Torre?

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• 2:19Speaker 01

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• 2:56Speaker 02

  Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre, and today, we're gonna find out what this sound is.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Wow. I just fucking got my mind blown on that one.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Right after this ad.

• 3:14Pablo Torre?

  You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  What's the gummy bears for? Why is one of them rogue?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  You'll see.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  The rogue bear.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Should I take my teeth out now? Are we gonna be doing eating?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  The fans at home would wanna see the...

• 3:39Speaker 03

  See me go...

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Take the Invisalign out?

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Suck it up.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  See the guts that are all over the Invisalign?

• 3:45Speaker 03

  23 out of 26.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Try 3 out of 26. Okay.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Three more to go.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  And then you're a full werewolf.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Full... I do 26 trays, so every 10 days I swap for a new tray, getting closer to my goal, and there's 26 total trays, and I'm on my 23rd.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Can I stop you right there? What happens to the old trays?

• 4:03Speaker 03

  I throw them right out. I used to...

• 4:05Speaker 01

  That's a waste.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  The first time I tried this, I... when I did the...

• 4:08Speaker 01

  You could be selling that.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  Nah. I think if I was currently peaking, probably. I don't think at my current state, I'm in the sell-used Invisalign market.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  How do we end up here, Pablo? What's... like, what's wrong with you, dude?

• 4:24Pablo Torre?

  So at this point, you might expect me to use that question from our friend, Michael Cruz Kayne, to conveniently segue into some broader description of everything that's wrong with post-election America, which we kinda did last episode. But the reason that I'm not doing that here is because the entire point of today's episode, in fact, is to not do that. And to ensure that we didn't do that with this edition of Sharon Tell, we taped very strategically, two days before Election Day happened. That's right. We made a time capsule of sorts.

• 5:07Pablo Torre?

  A silo, you might call it. But not the kind of, you know, cultural silo that we usually talk about here. More the kind where Katie Nolan, it turns out, recently purchased her new wardrobe.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  I bought this in the Catskills on vacation this last week. Short sleeve, but long.

• 5:28Pablo Torre?

  Oh, armholes.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  You thought I just had a blanket on?

• 5:31Pablo Torre?

  A shawl. I thought you were just wearing a shawl.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  Now I'm wondering if people on the train thought I just had a blanket wrapped around me. This is a full sweater. It was sold to be worn. Not even like a slant.

• 5:41Pablo Torre?

  Sold to be worn.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  It was made to be clothing, and I bought it at the world's largest kaleidoscope in the Catskills.

• 5:49Pablo Torre?

  We're gonna immediately start Googling this world's largest kaleidoscope.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  I don't wanna slander it because it's like a nice little operation that they got in a silo on the side of the road.

• 5:58Pablo Torre?

  Emerson Kaleidoscope.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  I didn't read any of the stuff, but the lady was like, "You can read right here. The next showing's in five minutes." I didn't. I think it's like mirrors that go up into the tube of the silo. You are at the bottom, and they built this little contraption where you like lean. And you just like look up into it. And they just show basically the like Windows music player, um, screensaver at the top of the, and the mirrors reflect it back to you. While it's doing that, there's a woman with a British accent who's like, "Come along on a trip to space, where we learn where humanity was born." No offense, and I'm, I hope anybody that works there or was involved in its creation tunes out here. But like the quality of the screen could have been better.

• 6:42Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, I'm getting, I'm getting Amish sphere vibes. When did they sell you this sweater?

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Oh, afterwards, there were like little shops all around. So Dan and I were like, we came all this way and that kind of blew. So let's take a look at the clothes. But it was nice to go shopping and go, oh, I can only choose from these five sweaters. And I like this one. And then I bought it instead of going, I want a sweater. Let me Google sweater. Let me find any sweater ever sold.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Let me see a picture of every single sweater.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Decide how much I think I should pay for a sweater. I just was like, this is the price. This is the sweater. Buy it. Also bought these pants. They're made of gauze.

• 7:16Pablo Torre?

  You, you are wearing an all world's largest kaleidoscope outfit.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  The shirt's from Amazon.

• 7:22Pablo Torre?

  The pants do look incredibly comfortable.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  They're great. And so sometimes I don't hate God's pants.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  I guess I don't know any songs.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  What if gauze was one of?

• 7:35Speaker 03

  On my pants.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Okay, very good.

• 7:55Pablo Torre?

  We're doing something that we have not done, which is, uh,

• 7:58Speaker 02

  A musical episode, and I think that's fun.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  La la la la la, meet me up here. We're up here now.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Then I'm also down here.

• 8:05Pablo Torre?

  I'll be down here.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  No, you weren't. No.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  People have, people are throwing their phones in the trash.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I didn't know he had that in him.

• 8:12Pablo Torre?

  Me neither.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 8:16Pablo Torre?

  We're doing an episode that is completely insulated from what the real world must be like today.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Not that we would know.

• 8:23Pablo Torre?

  November 12th, 2024.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  If there even is a world.

• 8:28Pablo Torre?

  This might be our last transmission. We wanted to give people a reprieve explicitly from what everybody else must have been talking about for the last week or so.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 8:37Pablo Torre?

  Um, which is, again, the world's largest kaleidoscope.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  Imagine it all just goes off without a hitch and everybody goes, "Well, that's that." Do, do, do, do, and everything just goes to normal.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Let's check out this big kaleidoscope.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 8:48Pablo Torre?

  I asked you guys for your answer to a question. And I presume that the mood... Let's, let's make some just general emotional guesses. Right now, I'm assuming that people are...

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Screaming.

• 9:01Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  Screaming.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:04Pablo Torre?

  Wrapped in a well.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  The vibes are fraught.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Vibes are off.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  I'm crying, probably. Wherever I am, I'm probably crying.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I'm trying to sleep. Wherever it is, I'm just trying to be... Could I be asleep now? Instead of whatever's happening, maybe I could be asleep.

• 9:18Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, I'm definitely scratching.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Mm.

• 9:21Pablo Torre?

  It's dry.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yes.

• 9:23Pablo Torre?

  Real dry.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  Yes, okay.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  You get the nervous itches? You get a little itchy when you get nervous?

• 9:27Pablo Torre?

  So much so that, uh, I will look down and be like, "When did that claw me?"

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 9:34Pablo Torre?

  And then realize...

• 9:34Speaker 03

  It was you.

• 9:35Pablo Torre?

  It was me.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  All along, it was you.

• 9:37Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, a real Tucker Carlson recognizing a demon situation.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 9:41Pablo Torre?

  I asked you guys, what videos do you watch to make yourselves feel better?

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Mm.

• 9:47Pablo Torre?

  And I feel like this is a service to our audience and also to ourselves, honestly. And Katie provided an answer that was unexpected.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  A great answer.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  That's why it works. I have become emotionally attached to a video of Bjork from the eighties, late eighties, I believe, taking apart a television and describing the parts inside of it. And there's just something about Bjork that she's just got this wonderful creativity that obviously comes across in her music, if you're a fan, which I am. But she's also just like a... She's like a, she's like a child.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  Hello. It is Christmas time and I'm sitting here by my TV.

• 10:29Pablo Torre?

  Can I just tell you that Ryan Cortez, producer behind the glass, just got in my ear and earnestly asked...

• 10:34Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 10:35Pablo Torre?

  Bjork is a woman?

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  It's almost a fair question because I do feel like Bjork is something...

• 10:41Speaker 03

  She would take that as a compliment, I feel.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  She's almost like an element or something.

• 10:44Pablo Torre?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  She is carbon.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  I've been watching it very much lately because I'm on a holiday. And I've been seeing all those programs about all sorts of things. About Icelandics being very happy about Christmas, very gay, and also very serious and spiritual. And also seeing Icelandic comic people making jokes, which they are very good at. But now I'm curious. I've switched the TV off. And now I want to see how it operates. How it can make, put me into all those weird situations. So.

• 11:28Pablo Torre?

  Oh, boy. So she had just been leaning cheek to monitor.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:32Pablo Torre?

  And she's rotating this television around.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's real thick. It's a real thick.

• 11:37Pablo Torre?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  TV back before they made them, you know, flat. And then they made them curved. What was that? Are we still doing that?

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Her hair almost looks like she tried this without unplugging it first.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Sure does.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  This is what it looks like. Look at this. This looks like a city, like a little model of a city. And all the houses which are here and streets. This is maybe an elevator to go up there.

• 12:07Pablo Torre?

  So she's like tracing her finger over the circuit boards.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  These wires.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  They really take care of all the electrons when they come through here. They take care of that they are powerful enough to get all the way through here. I read that in a Danish book this morning.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  This morning?

• 12:28Speaker 03

  I read that in a Danish book this morning.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  And this beautiful television has put me, like I said before, in all sorts of situations. I remember being very scared to it because an Icelandic poet told me that not like in cinemas where.

• 12:46Speaker 04

  The thing that that

• 12:47Pablo Torre?

  She's caressing.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  Throws the picture from it. It just sends lights on the screen. But but this is different. This is millions and millions of little screens. Who who sent a light on you. Um, some sort of electrical light.

• 13:08Pablo Torre?

  Bjork seems to have simultaneously tremendous knowledge and zero knowledge of this television at the same time.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  She's very bright and she also has like a complete childlike wonder.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Whimsy.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  I really wanted to point out that she talks about the individual little screens and then she describes them as who. You know what I mean? Individual little screens who do whatever.

• 13:26Pablo Torre?

  Anthropomorphizing.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Anthropro- anthropomorphizing, I think.

• 13:32Pablo Torre?

  Anthrop- am I adding another?

• 13:34Speaker 03

  Promorphizing or promorphizing?

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Yours feels right.

• 13:37Pablo Torre?

  Anthropomorph Bjorking.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  That hurts. Mine feels right.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Anthro Bjorkomorph.

• 13:42Pablo Torre?

  We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna fact check that.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  She just drops a bar at the end. We do have to get to just the last part. She dr- it's a bar.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Katie will never rest unless we see this next part.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  It's my favorite video on earth.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  But then later on, when I got my Danish book on television, I stopped being afraid because I I read the truth. And that's the scientific truth, which is much better. You shouldn't let poets lie to you.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Boom.

• 14:08Pablo Torre?

  Hmm.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  You shouldn't let poets lie to you.

• 14:10Pablo Torre?

  We'll point out that scientific was a little bit of an anthropomorphizing.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Hmm. Oh, so it was wrong? So you looked it up and it was wrong?

• 14:16Pablo Torre?

  The jury's still out.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Hard to know.

• 14:18Pablo Torre?

  Both are still coming in.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Um, it's just like such a different time. When you didn't understand something, you would take it apart and read a Danish book about it that morning and then consider it like a city. And like her understanding of it. Not to get too deep about the silly video that I watched to make me feel better.

• 14:34Pablo Torre?

  I do want to know why it speaks to you in a real way.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  It's the way she, her understanding of it is enough for her. She makes it make sense to her. And then she's like, I can explain it to you how it makes sense to me. And she's not worried about making sure everybody understands it and she's not worried about being actually fully correct. But she's like, just coming from a sweet place of curiosity in a way that I don't think, I mean, now you just Google if the word you said was wrong, you know?

• 14:58Speaker 02

  It's like ancient.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? It's like, it's like the wise woman from the village came out and saw a TV and she's gonna tell the rest of the village how it works.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Like, it does look like a city. They look like little buildings. She's absolutely correct.

• 15:11Pablo Torre?

  The last line that she had.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Hmm. Never, you shouldn't let poets lie to you.

• 15:15Pablo Torre?

  Man.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:16Pablo Torre?

  That's just.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  You shouldn't.

• 15:18Pablo Torre?

  That's just wisdom.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Very true. I always feel like there's something a little immodest whenever I see like a piece of technology uncovered. I'm like, oh, put that back on.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Put your pants on. Put your pants on.

• 15:29Pablo Torre?

  Undercarriage.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  We're not supposed to see this. Like when a semi truck doesn't have the trailer on, I'm like, this should not be out here. This is gross.

• 15:37Pablo Torre?

  This is becoming.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm with my family.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. This is a road that everyone can drive on. Put a trailer on.

• 15:43Pablo Torre?

  This is becoming deeply revealing about Michael Cusack.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  I am really anthropomorphic, so surmising this stuff.

• 15:53Pablo Torre?

  This is a video that I watch to make myself feel better.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:56Speaker 05

  Back here live at the waterfront village with my friend, the zombie Jonathan. You're looking good. Jonathan just got an awesome face paint job. What do you think? I like turtles. All right, you're great zombie. Good times here at the waterfront village.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  It doesn't make me feel good because you can hear the spit in her mouth and she's like, I don't know what to do with that. That's not what I... And I am back to you. So stressful.

• 16:21Pablo Torre?

  So far, the common thread in what Katie and I both enjoy is that there is an analog, pre-modern aspect to these things. Obviously, local news is a fertile territory.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:33Pablo Torre?

  There's an innocence to a reporter being like, yup.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Kid said that, so.

• 16:38Pablo Torre?

  That's a hard one to segue from.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Back to you, Doug.

• 16:43Pablo Torre?

  It's the sort of video also where my wife and I will just tell each other, taunt each other with, I like turtles.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:50Pablo Torre?

  Whenever the other person just says something completely just obvious and stupid.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  It feels like the early version of the corn kid. I can't imagine a more beautiful thing. It's corn.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Isn't the grape smashing thing also a local news thing?

• 17:06Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 17:21Pablo Torre?

  It had a sense of, this was not faked. In the way that every TikTok video to me feels. It's kind of like how if someone has a blue checkmark on Twitter now, I don't trust. Like, the only authentic viral tweet to me is the person who cannot monetize it.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  I was, I want to be clear, I was giving mine back. I didn't ask for it. He gave it back to me. So, I didn't turn it down, that's right.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Can't be trusted.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  But I don't pay for it.

• 17:48Pablo Torre?

  Using all that Twitter money to buy kaleidoscope sweaters.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, not gonna buy themselves.

• 17:54Pablo Torre?

  Michael?

• 17:56Speaker 02

  My video's not like that. Is that what you're about to show? The video that I sent?

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course we are. Why wouldn't we?

• 18:01Speaker 06

  Old men forget.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  What?

• 18:04Speaker 06

  Let all shall be forgot, but he'll remember with advantages what feats he did that day. Then shall our names, familiar in their mouths as household words, Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter, Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester, be in their flowing cups freshly remembered. This story shall the good man teach his son. And Crispin, Crispian.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Christian Bale.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Oh my god, the little newsie.

• 18:31Speaker 06

  To the ending of the world.

• 18:32Pablo Torre?

  Pre-Santa Fe Bale.

• 18:34Speaker 06

  But we in it shall be remembered.

• 18:39Speaker 06

  We few.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  We few.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  We happy few.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  We happy few.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Oh, are you crying right now? You're crying right now.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  We bad the brothers.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:49Speaker 06

  Shall be my brother.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 06

  Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap, whilst any speaks that thought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, Christian Bale. It's like Independence Day, but old.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Yes, but very, but very old.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  What's that from?

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Uh, Henry V.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  From Henry V.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Yes, Henry V.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Shakespeare, so it's Kenneth Branagh.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Yes, of course. Yes, of course.

• 19:28Pablo Torre?

  Yes. The Empire Strikes Back of Henrys.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  If you will. I don't know what to tell you except that I love that frigging, I love that clip. It really, it gets both the part of me that it like, from the beginning of time masculinity, of which I have extremely little, and then also the pretentious part of me that's like, well, I do love the bard. You know what I mean? It hits, it hits both of those.

• 19:49Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, it's like how, again, uh, remember Ed?

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, remember Ed, that did not stick around.

• 19:56Pablo Torre?

  Something that sounds so wrong, and yet because it's said in the accent of Shakespeare.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  We go, well, that's correct.

• 20:01Pablo Torre?

  So very right.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Must be, must be right.

• 20:03Pablo Torre?

  A little anthropomorphizing, you might even say.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  If you will.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Sure. I won't, but somebody will.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  I used to teach SAT, well, test prep in general for a living. Uh, jealous and frequently would show that clip to kids like the week before the SAT. And frequently they'd be like, I don't know what this is.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  This doesn't resonate with me.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  This isn't helping me at all. This is making it harder.

• 20:24Pablo Torre?

  St. Crispin's Day.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:27Pablo Torre?

  What is that?

• 20:28Speaker 02

  I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is or who that is. Not the first clue, no.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Oh, great. Cause it doesn't matter. It's really kind of tertiary to the point.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  St. Crispin, maybe like the saint, the patron saint of fried chicken or something?

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Of cereal.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Cereal, ooh, good. Like Crispix.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Crispin Addicts. He's addicted to the Crispin.

• 20:46Pablo Torre?

  The feast day of Christian saints, Crispin and Crispinian.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Crispinian?

• 20:52Pablo Torre?

  Crispinian.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Wait, those are two different people?

• 20:53Pablo Torre?

  They are twins who were martyred

• 20:56Speaker 03

  What?

• 20:57Pablo Torre?

  circa 286.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  Felt like the doctor was like, you gotta name them both right now.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Crisp, Crispin and, and

• 21:04Speaker 02

  And the other one, what's the other one?

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Crispiness, Crispinius.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Great, I'm writing it down. That's his name now.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  Golly.

• 21:10Pablo Torre?

  Both the patron saints of cobblers, leather workers, tanners, saddlers, and glove lace and shoemakers. Another genre of comfort video, it turns out, is cobbling.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Is that cobbling when you do it to a horse?

• 21:29Speaker 03

  I didn't think so.

• 21:30Pablo Torre?

  The sort of video where you're like, oh, this must hurt, but it doesn't.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Or no, yeah, I think it must feel good. Ever since pimple popping videos got too much, since they became like removing cysts. I'm like, that's not what I signed up for. I just wanted to watch somebody like gently pop, like get a bunch of shit out. That's now what I go to the horse videos for.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Let me see some horse foot.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  I don't want to see maybe blood. I don't want to see, I want it to get gory. I just want you to relieve this horse of his gunk.

• 21:58Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:59Pablo Torre?

  The thing-

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Gunk removal.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  His gunk, his, get it out.

• 22:02Pablo Torre?

  The thing about those horse shoe replacement videos-

• 22:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:06Pablo Torre?

  Is that there's always more gunk than you think.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  You think it's over and then they get to scooping.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  The gunk goes deep.

• 22:22Pablo Torre?

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• 23:06Pablo Torre?

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• 23:51Pablo Torre?

  Head to dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 24:02Speaker 03

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• 24:33Speaker 06

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• 25:09Speaker 03

  Should we talk about Uncrustables?

• 25:13Pablo Torre?

  I brought a video that, uh, that does make me feel good.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Wait, so this is another video?

• 25:19Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Are you introducing another video? Are we going back to the video?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  No, I think we brought, I think he brought two.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  We're moving forward.

• 25:24Pablo Torre?

  Oh, I brought another video.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  He brought a different video.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Let's do it.

• 25:26Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meet Lethal Shooter.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  They're gonna be shooting Gummie bears inside of a water bottle. They must've thought I wasn't gonna see this. They must've thought I wasn't gonna see this, Nate.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Today?

• 25:37Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be making gummies through a water bottle. Buckets.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Y'all didn't push me to this.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  What?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  You didn't push me to this.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Okay, I understand it now.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  I understand it now. I'm not playing with y'all. I'm not playing with y'all. Stay locked in. Show them that it's real. These ain't no edits. These ain't no edits. These real gummies. Look at the size of those. Look at the size of them.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, regulation. A question first.

• 26:17Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Why is he out of breath?

• 26:19Pablo Torre?

  So, this may be a tip as to how long Lethal Shooter had been lethally shooting Gummie bears into water bottles.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  You've gotta imagine, right? Because that man's tired.

• 26:29Pablo Torre?

  He was shooting for a while.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  I wanted to see the gummy bear versus the aperture of the water bottle. Just to get a sense of what we're talking about.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  You wanted to be shown. Now, look, this is how hard this is gonna be. Well, actually, why don't we?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Holy. Is this why the Gummie bears are here? I understand. Is it not?

• 26:49Pablo Torre?

  They are here.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Are all water bottles regulation? Like, are they all the same?

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Really good question.

• 26:55Pablo Torre?

  The answer is no.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  The openings to them are?

• 26:58Pablo Torre?

  The answer is, I may have chosen the, uh, which one is this? A Fiji.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:02Pablo Torre?

  Because it is-

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Now, I have to apply pressure to that to go in.

• 27:04Pablo Torre?

  It has-

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Unless you-

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Unless I go, you're right, of course. Why, of course?

• 27:09Pablo Torre?

  Are you guys familiar with that man?

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Nope. Shooting coach? 14 hours a day of screen time. Never once. What's happening there? Who do I talk to?

• 27:16Pablo Torre?

  This is why I am excited to talk to you about him. So, his name is Chris Matthews. A thrill goes up my leg when I watch his videos.

• 27:25Pablo Torre?

  That is a borderline political joke that should not have been allowed, frankly, on this episode. But, Chris Matthews, former Washington State St. Bonaventure sharpshooter, had many records at St. Bonaventure. That's right. One of the proudest alums of that school. And he is somebody who now works for Red Bull as a shooting coach and really influencer.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  Red Bull's teaching people how to shoot?

• 27:50Pablo Torre?

  That's right.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Explain that part. How do I get to learn to shoot?

• 27:53Pablo Torre?

  These are great questions. I think all of them can be answered by this video.

• 27:59Speaker 06

  Everybody always making excuses.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 28:04Speaker 03

  How do you get it down?

• 28:06Pablo Torre?

  So he has a crown of spikes.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Thorns.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Of thorns, yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Crown of thorns.

• 28:11Pablo Torre?

  It is a religious illusion. That's my favorite part, by the way, where he says, "I understand it now."

• 28:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, because it's fun, it's interesting.

• 28:18Pablo Torre?

  Because once he understands how to defeat the thing.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  He doesn't miss it.

• 28:21Pablo Torre?

  He has, he has figured out how to lethally shoot.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  "I understand it now." He does. Is he wrong?

• 28:31Pablo Torre?

  So this goes on for a while.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  I wish he actually would say, "I misunderstood it there." "I misunderstood, I thought I understood it."

• 28:38Speaker 02

  I, in fact, do not understand. I, I love the crown of thorns.

• 28:40Pablo Torre?

  So does that answer your question?

• 28:42Speaker 03

  No, of course not.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  I don't think it does in any way.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  Didn't even think it tried to.

• 28:45Pablo Torre?

  This video.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  I bet not.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  I ain't playing with y'all. Get your hands off me. I told y'all.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  He's so sweaty.

• 28:54Pablo Torre?

  He is, uh, shooting a basketball that's on fire.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Is his hand on fire?

• 28:59Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 06

  I'm just heating up.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  He's, oh my god, he's covered in Vaseline, which I understand.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  It's a tough visual, though.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Why am I being blamed? I didn't make you do this.

• 29:17Speaker 06

  Never try this at home.

• 29:18Pablo Torre?

  For those just listening.

• 29:19Speaker 06

  I'm here with trained professionals.

• 29:22Speaker 06

  Stay locked in, guys. Don't ever do this.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Don't ever do this, but watch this. Check this out.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  It's, uh, NBA Jam.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Yes, he's on fire.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's on fire.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 29:33Pablo Torre?

  So Red Bull does this thing now where I think they just sponsor viral videos. And now they sponsor things like jumping out of like, sub-stratospheric things.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Yes, well, of course, going up to half-space or whatever.

• 29:47Pablo Torre?

  And after conquering.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  Edge in space.

• 29:50Speaker 06

  Okay, here we go, Felix.

• 30:00Pablo Torre?

  After edging space, they said,

• 30:04Pablo Torre?

  "Let's give Lethal Shooter some money."

• 30:05Speaker 03

  I'm actually for it. It may seem, from my tone, I'm against, but I'm pro. I just wanted to better understand the business.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  And now he teaches whom?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  That's a good question.

• 30:14Pablo Torre?

  Players have hired him.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  Oh, cool.

• 30:16Pablo Torre?

  Clientele that is included. Dwight Howard.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 30:20Pablo Torre?

  Anthony Davis. Candace Parker, Scarlett Diggins Smith, all people that I have not-

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Why is he saying the girls' fast? Why is he saying girls' fast? Like, it doesn't count.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Litting through their women's names. I call them women, by the way, myself.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  You did. My fault.

• 30:30Pablo Torre?

  Um...

• 30:31Speaker 03

  The females.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, better... worse.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Have you noticed people are so afraid of saying females now that they won't even say, like, "female athlete"? They'll say "woman athlete", and you're like, "Well, that's wrong." It's "female ath-" You can say it as a descriptor. Just don't call them females. But that's too complicated. What were you saying? I was having a side thing.

• 30:48Pablo Torre?

  Sheathletes.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Great.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Ath-schleets?

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Great.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  This could be good.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Love this.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  This could catch on.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Understand that fully and never need to... Are we gonna start shooting? Do we shoot?

• 30:58Pablo Torre?

  Did you mean to quote Lethal Shooter when you said that?

• 31:00Speaker 03

  I understand now.

• 31:01Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  I do.

• 31:06Pablo Torre?

  And so this is where I do need to jump in here to just make sure that our audio audience out there, and God help you, by the way, if you're not watching today's episode on YouTube or the Drapings Network, understands what's about to happen here. So imagine Katie and Michael and I all deciding to stand up, each of us armed with somewhere between three and, uh, three zillion Gummie bears, and then focus on a water bottle sitting on a table that is more or less drowning already in mess.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  I guarantee I make it. I guarantee, 100%.

• 31:43Pablo Torre?

  So the water bottle's in the middle of the table.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Kind of.

• 31:47Pablo Torre?

  We have our Haribo-

• 31:48Speaker 03

  I mean, if you wanna be wasteful.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  I punched it.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  It's a lucky world of Haribo. Don't just step to the side like he does before I shoot.

• 31:55Pablo Torre?

  Whoa.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  That was actually very close.

• 31:57Pablo Torre?

  That was, that was impressive.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  I feel almost too close to the table.

• 32:00Pablo Torre?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Elbow, everybody, everybody, Katie is just-

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Again, very close.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Guys, I'm lethal.

• 32:06Pablo Torre?

  Edging, edging.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  How many do you need to take your first shot?

• 32:10Speaker 02

  I dropped one into my crotch. Ready? Here we go, guaranteed make. Kobe.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Kobe never did that.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  I think mine-

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Kobe never did that.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Okay, I think I might have said the wrong name.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Oh, that time, I got worse as it went on.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  I might have messed it up for you.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  You guys are gonna have to clean all this up.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Is there a person who has to come here and clean this up?

• 32:29Pablo Torre?

  Yep.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Is it Pablo?

• 32:30Pablo Torre?

  Nope.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  It's about the loft.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  This is it, that's the one.

• 32:34Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  This is the one, Katie, this is the one. Swish!

• 32:37Speaker 03

  The, the angle was right. Oh.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Son of a-

• 32:43Speaker 03

  This is-

• 32:44Speaker 02

  You guys can do like-

• 32:44Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna leave till one goes in.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Can like triple speed through this or something?

• 32:52Pablo Torre?

  Michael, did you bring us something beyond what we've done here today so far?

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Oh, I, I did, I brought, I brought, the Detroit Pistons-

• 32:59Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Came to play a basketball game at the Barclays Center.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  As they do.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  As they do, on Sunday, and because of the marathon, the, the New York City Marathon, well, now, not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before that, the New York City Marathon made it very difficult for them to drive to the Barclays. The Barclays, the, the Clays, the bar. And so they had to take the subway. And I just think that's beautiful. I think it's beautiful. They won the game. That's not what they do. That's not what they do. They came and they won, and they played great. They had a lot, a lot of assists, an unusually high number of assists during the game, which makes me feel like, you know, the togetherness of the subway really affected them. And I, and I did read the comments, and it's a lot of people from all over the country being like, "Olds, that's not safe." Uh, shut up.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  What?

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Shut up.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  It's so weird, it is so weird. Oh, we're being a, we're a safe haven from this stuff. But it is so weird to hear people explain like, "Oh man, you're in New York City? Is it scary?" I'm like, "No."

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not, it's not at all. I want the Detroit, I'm gonna keep saying it like Detroit, is that okay?

• 33:58Speaker 03

  No, but it's, we're deep enough now, but go ahead.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  I want the Detroit Pistons on the subway, I want them there every day.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  I want them there with the kid who's raising money for his basketball team. I want them with the Showtime guys, I think that's, that should be a feature of New York.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  You can always go on the train and see-

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Oh, look, it's the Detroit Pistons.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  And here they are.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  We must be on the three.

• 34:16Pablo Torre?

  Or, as was the case some years before that, oh, look, it's LeBron James.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 34:23Speaker 07

  On our way back from shoot around, decided to take a different transportation this time. Where we at Kyle? We're on the train. We had a two option. Forty-five minute bus ride. Forty-five minute bus ride. Or a six-minute train ride, so we decided to hop on the train with the squad. Hey, what's up? What's up Squishy? What's up Squishy? What's Squishy? I don't know this dude right here, he tripping.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  I love it. I absolutely, I guess, it seems like that guy really did not know who LeBron James was.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  And he did not want to be, excuse me, do not film me.

• 34:56Pablo Torre?

  That video of the Pistons, of LeBron James.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Detroit Pistons.

• 35:00Pablo Torre?

  The Detroit Pistons. It is one of the things about New York that I love, which is that people genuinely, uh, don't give a [BLEEP].

• 35:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  At all.

• 35:12Pablo Torre?

  It's one of the great parts about living in New York City.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  That's to the point, at least for me, where even if you see someone, you sort of feel like, as a New Yorker, it's your job to pretend that you don't give a [BLEEP].

• 35:22Pablo Torre?

  So why do you think that is in New York? What do you think the ethos of New York is? Because I have, I have a theory that it is fundamentally about, um, how everybody in New York is too busy for everything else.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  I think it's that. I think it's like, we got [BLEEP] to do, we can't be like, oh, you know, there's Sam Rockwell at the hot dog cart. I don't have time for that. You know what I mean?

• 35:40Speaker 03

  With a healthy dash of, um, of self-involvement.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  A little bit of like, I'm the big deal on this train.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's, it's, uh, maybe a worse version of yours is, you're not better than me.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  You're not.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  You're on the subway.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  You're on the subway just like me, bro.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, you make $10 million a year? Well, guess what? There's a guy on this train that both of us are in who's masturbating and we're the same. To him, we're the same.

• 36:18Pablo Torre?

  Hey, I'm Max Brown. You know The Athletic is home to the world's best sports journalism, but this fall, just in time for football season, we're launching something unlike anything we've ever done. We're building a daily show streaming live on YouTube. Me, Kofi Yoboah, Charles McDonald, and The Athletic's own Zach Harper and Daniel Popper. We'll be hosting live watch-alongs of the biggest games with award-winning analysis and behind-the-scenes insights from Athletic insiders. On off days, we'll go deeper into the hard-hit

• 36:48Speaker 01

  ...stories you can't get enough of. And we want you, the smartest fans in sports, to be part of it. Come drop questions in the chat and we'll bring the answers straight from the source. The Athletic Live, presented by Google Gemini. Follow us on YouTube and we'll see you in the chat.

• 37:08Speaker 01

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• 37:45Speaker 05

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• 38:17Pablo Torre?

  What did you bring today?

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Uncrustables story.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Do we have Uncrustables here right now to do this? Boys!

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Oh my god, no.

• 38:24Pablo Torre?

  I've always wanted to say "boys" and for Uncrustables to come out.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Garçon!

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Oh, look at the presentation.

• 38:33Pablo Torre?

  Wow, yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  And clear the table.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Wow, wow, it's a gummy bear zamboni.

• 38:38Pablo Torre?

  I'm lightheaded, by the way, from whatever it is we've been doing here. We now have a plate of Uncrustables.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  I don't think I knew what these are. Is it like, it's like a sandwich situation?

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Wow, you have a child? I thought this was a big kid thing.

• 38:50Pablo Torre?

  We cook in our house.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Wow, okay, elitist.

• 38:53Pablo Torre?

  Our kids eat freshly cooked goldfish crackers on cheeses.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Blaine the Uncrustable, because I don't know if everybody, Michael Cruz Kayne.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  Knows what this is.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Uh, it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that has the crust taken off, almost as if you had a circular, like cookie cutter, and you put that around and just basically took out the circular center of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sealed the edges, almost like a dumpling. And then they freeze them. And then you take them out of the freezer, you let them defrost, and then you bite into them, and it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The New York Times slash Athletic did a story about how many Uncrustables the NFL is eating. They got reports from 24 of 32 teams, so eight teams, right? That's the math on that. Eight teams did not share their Uncrustable data.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  One of which being the Patriots.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Interesting, something to hide.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  I have no idea how many Uncrustables the Patriots are eating. It says, "Based on the information collected, it's safe to say that NFL teams go through anywhere from 3,600 to 4,300 Uncrustables a week."

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Holy, so...

• 39:58Speaker 03

  When you factor in training camps and the teams that did not share their data, the NFL as a whole easily goes through at least 80,000 Uncrustables a year. Denver has the highest reported consumption here. Weekly Uncrustable consumption across the NFL, 700.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  It is staggering.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  I mean, they're ahead by a lot, because the next closest is 320.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  The Denver Broncos are eating 700 Uncrustables a week.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Yep. Why is this one in here? Great question. I believe that one was heated up.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Toasted?

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Okay, so Nadir, also behind the glass. Shout out. He loves Uncrustables. Okay. Like sincerely, and he toasted this.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, that people say. Do you toast it straight out of the freezer, or do you defrost and then toast?

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Straight out, he's saying straight out. Straight out, straight out of that freezer.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  So I am, here's what I, mm.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I'm gonna take a bite out of this, right?

• 40:48Speaker 03

  You should, I think you should, and prime as well if you could. Wow, you're making it seem awful.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what, it's delectable.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:00Speaker 02

  They really nailed it. I mean, the toasting... My turn.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Oh, it's an ASMR situation.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  The toasting really elevates it. My compliments to the chef.

• 41:15Pablo Torre?

  I mean, I love these.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  It smells like lunchtime.

• 41:17Pablo Torre?

  I love these.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Here's my thing, can I, I, um, for the average person, the only time this makes sense to me as an invention is with like an NFL team. It's a bunch of people who need thousands of something made. You don't want to have to make a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But for the average Joe, no, I don't want them because why?

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Take it.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  I'm the, I'm the kind of person that will even like, um.

• 41:40Pablo Torre?

  Take it.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  I don't like buying pre-made sandwiches that have been sitting somewhere made as a sandwich in a, with condensation on the, because I'm like, bread should not be hanging out with the, with the stuff. My mom used to make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that by the time I got to them at lunch, the jelly was soaked through the bread. And I was like this, I don't want to eat this. It tastes like a plastic bag.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Well, hold on, I'll just stop you there. The innovation of the Uncrustable.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, it's disgusting to listen to you talk with that.

• 42:05Pablo Torre?

  Is that the jelly with that? No. The jelly is inside of two layers of peanut butter and that prevents the spillage.

• 42:13Speaker 03

  And my mom also, my mom also figured that out eventually. What I don't understand is why you need it. This is something that was not cost prohibitive, making a peanut butter and jelly. Whenever I was at my hardest times, that would be most of my, I'd just get a thing of bread, get the peanut butter, get the jelly, and then you had the stuff you needed.

• 42:27Pablo Torre?

  You would watch Bjork disassemble a television.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Right, while building my own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But why would you need it to have this?

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Cause you're a smart gal on the go. You got stuff to do, you don't got time to.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Make a sandwich?

• 42:42Speaker 02

  That's right, exactly that.

• 42:43Pablo Torre?

  Exactly right. What does a, uh, she athlete need more than to get out of the kitchen?

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Wow, I mean, now.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  And Uncrusta her. No, I don't know if I got that one.

• 42:56Pablo Torre?

  Stay with it.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Unson, okay, so now it's daughter crustable.

• 43:03Pablo Torre?

  Yep, that's it.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  I made it a son crustable.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Aunt, instead of an unk crustable, it's an aunt crustable.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 43:09Pablo Torre?

  I hate crust.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's fine, cut the crust off.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  But I feel like.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  What?

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Wish granted.

• 43:18Pablo Torre?

  Why don't they sell crustless bread?

• 43:22Speaker 03

  Because I think unless you freeze it, I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?

• 43:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Wow. I just fucking got my mind blown on that one. Holy shit. Cause all this time I've been like, I wish I didn't have skin, but now I get it.

• 43:38Pablo Torre?

  I think we could be skinless if we had layers of peanut butter containing our jelly.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Also, let me say this. I like a crust. I'm a crust fan.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Me too, cause I'm an adult.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  And it's harder, it's harder to put a crust back on. You know what I mean? Anyone, you can cut the crust off.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Right.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  But if you were served like an Uncrustable, if I wanted to put a crust on this, I'm [BLEEP].

• 43:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, you could actually, I would argue you toasted it, which put a crust back on.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Holy [BLEEP].

• 44:02Speaker 03

  And that's why you liked the toasted one?

• 44:03Speaker 02

  It's all been solved. Everything's been solved.

• 44:05Pablo Torre?

  Acrustable?

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Crustable. Yeah. Also Uncrustable, I don't fully, the logic of the name, if I think too much about it, it doesn't really work for me.

• 44:14Pablo Torre?

  So funny you mention that. Um, in this piece, they explain that the name was derived from like this 11 year old kid who they like asked, what should we name this?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Idiot.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Didn't get a penny for it, I'm sure.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Kid was definitely not taking SAT prep.

• 44:28Pablo Torre?

  Hold on, I'm just fact checking.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  Just finding out.

• 44:30Pablo Torre?

  And the initial iteration, the incredible Uncrustable.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:33Pablo Torre?

  Uh, got shortened to Uncrustable after the brand was acquired in 1999.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 44:39Pablo Torre?

  So I remember it correctly.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Acquired by Smuckers. Those [BLEEP]ers. That's every, every time I hear Smuckers, I'm like, that sounds, that's bad.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  It was their worst slogan. They tried it for a little while. Smuckers, we're [BLEEP].

• 44:53Speaker 03

  I keep rubbing my knee with you. It's such an uncomfortable place to touch another person.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Maybe it's cause I'm mans, I'm manspreading.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 45:00Pablo Torre?

  Thank God for the skin.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Thank God for the skin.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  And pants.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  So true.

• 45:04Speaker 03

  And pants.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  Gauze pants.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  We brought all the things back. Everything's been so called back that we've, it's a Ouroboros. Is that something? What is that? There you go. I wish I could capture the look of disdain that I see when I look through there. As they're like, oh, so they're doing the shooting of the Gummie bears again.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  It all comes back.

• 45:39Pablo Torre?

  What did you guys find out today on the show about finding stuff out?

• 45:43Speaker 03

  That Red Bull hires people, pays money to people who will teach other people, Dwight Howard, to female athletes that you said very quickly and quietly.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  Candace Parker, Skylar Diggins-Smith.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Oh my god, Ally.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  I pay attention to women.

• 45:57Pablo Torre?

  Yep.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Teaches them how to shoot. I did not know that.

• 46:02Pablo Torre?

  So I don't know if Red Bull specifically does that.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  What? Misinformation was spread?

• 46:05Pablo Torre?

  He certainly is employed by Red Bull. I don't know if they want to claim his training of them.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  He's just hired-

• 46:11Pablo Torre?

  I've been informed for legal reasons.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  So he's just on the payroll. So I found out nothing.

• 46:16Pablo Torre?

  Well, with that attitude.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  He's on the payroll for Red Bull.

• 46:19Pablo Torre?

  Yes.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  On like a retainer?

• 46:22Pablo Torre?

  Hmm.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  What's funny is we've been recording this episode, I think, am I right for saying when I say 17 hours?

• 46:29Pablo Torre?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  And it's gonna be cut down to nine minutes.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  And the nine minutes is just gonna be us tossing Gummie bears.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Feudally at that.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Sped up.

• 46:38Pablo Torre?

  Set to a Bjork soundtrack.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Ooh, I would like that. Or to the St. Crispin's Day speech.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  What did you find out today?

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Thank you. Finally. I found out that the world's largest kaleidoscope is fine.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  It's fine. And that's good enough for me. I'll go in there and see the things kinda like, ooh, look, that hexagon kinda spun around into a different hexagon.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  There were a couple moments we went, ooh.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  And for, how much was it?

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Five bucks each.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Five bucks? Come on.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Each, yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  At five bucks, that's pretty good.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Also, it claims to be the largest, not the greatest, so.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  It does, it was the biggest kaleidoscope I've ever seen.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  They don't say world's best kaleidoscope.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 47:16Pablo Torre?

  I found out.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, what about you, Pablo? What did you find out?

• 47:19Pablo Torre?

  I found out that I still like that kid who likes turtles.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Mm.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  That's correct.

• 47:28Pablo Torre?

  I forgot one more thing.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 47:30Speaker 02

  Thank god.

• 47:33Pablo Torre?

  What I found out today.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Oh god. It's gonna go. It's worth it?

• 47:36Pablo Torre?

  Is that-

• 47:37Speaker 02

  It is worth it for this.

• 47:37Pablo Torre?

  I understand it now.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Ow!

• 47:41Speaker 03

  I really believed you.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Producers are saying in my ear that it's not possible to record anymore? That there's no technology-

• 47:47Speaker 03

  We reached the end of the thing.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  That allows them to record more than they've already recorded.

• 48:00Pablo Torre?

  This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production.

• 48:06Pablo Torre?

  And I'll talk to you next time.

• 48:27Speaker 05

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• 48:30Speaker 01

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• 48:41Speaker 05

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• 49:26Speaker 05

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