Pod Insights What Now? with Trevor Noah If I Ruled the World: Creating Chaos with Anele and Sizwe About this episode This round of If I Ruled the World is going down in South Africa. Trevor invites friends-of-the-show Anele Mdoda and Sizwe Dhlomo to give ruling the world a try. Elections. Human Connection. Mandatory commuting. It’s all in the timing.
Transcript 16,869 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:04 Trevor Noah? Okay, what do you think is worse? Finding out the person you're with has a secret husband or wife? Or being the secret husband or wife?
0:11 Speaker 01 Finding out that they're the secret. Because if you are the secret, you got control. You in on it, you in control.
0:18 Trevor Noah? Huh.
0:19 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah, don't ever be the one who gets blindsided. Now you're there.
0:23 Trevor Noah? Wait, you'd rather be?
0:24 Speaker 01 The secret.
0:24 Trevor Noah? The secret.
0:25 Speaker 01 Yeah. There's power in that. The one that's the secret has got the choice. Has got the choice to not be the secret.
0:31 Trevor Noah? But they don't.
0:32 Speaker 01 The one that is, that is none the wiser. All of their choices have been taken away.
0:37 Trevor Noah? You might never know. I would, I always think to myself, it would be nice to be at a funeral and find things out. You know, you hear these stories of people where they're at a funeral?
0:44 Speaker 01 And they found that they're gonna...
0:45 Trevor Noah? Of the person they've been married with to forever, right?
0:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:47 Trevor Noah? And then at the funeral, they meet another family and they're like, oh, who are you? We've never met you. And they go, we're the family. And they're like, no, no, we're the family.
0:53 Speaker 01 Hmm.
0:53 Trevor Noah? And then it becomes, I think that's nice. Because it's nice to like, because think about it, a funeral, you feel like it's the end of your journey. But now it's nice to be like, there's like a spin-off series.
1:01 Speaker 01 There's nothing fun, there's nothing fun about finding out.
1:04 Trevor Noah? You know what's nice? It's better than a person just dying, guys.
1:06 Speaker 01 No.
1:07 Speaker 02 No, bro. That, I'd rather my dad dies and then we go and then we all, the one family going there and also one family coming back. That's it.
1:14 Trevor Noah? Wouldn't you rather have like new siblings now? New everything?
1:17 Speaker 02 Fifty dots.
1:18 Speaker 01 Because guys, the one that was the secret.
1:20 Speaker 02 I am selfish.
1:20 Trevor Noah? You're selfish, that's your problem. You're selfish.
1:23 Speaker 01 The one that's the secret.
1:24 Trevor Noah? I want a spin-off series.
1:31 Trevor Noah? This is What Now? With Trevor Noah.
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2:12 Trevor Noah? This segment is brought to you by Google Pixel. You know what's really frustrating? Knowing the exact information you need is somewhere on your phone, but still ending up wasting your time digging through five different apps just to actually find it. Thankfully, Google Pixel 11 is designed with Gemini Intelligence, so it can proactively find the information I need right when I need it. Like my flight info on travel days or my calendar when Eugene texts me to hang out. Oh, sorry Eugene, I'm booked. Learn more about what Google Pixel 11 can do at googlestore.com. These AI features are available in select countries and languages for users 18 and over, and make sure to check responses.
2:57 Trevor Noah? Yeah, booked forever, forever.
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3:36 Speaker 01 Check how good this thing smells.
3:38 Speaker 02 What is it?
3:39 Speaker 01 It's easy.
3:39 Speaker 02 Oh, the thing that...
3:41 Trevor Noah? What's that, my hand lotion?
3:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
3:42 Trevor Noah? Yeah, I'm doing it.
3:43 Speaker 01 Jesus, this is amazing.
3:45 Trevor Noah? I'm doing it.
3:46 Speaker 01 I smell like...
3:47 Trevor Noah? Is this just an excuse for you just trying to show us your ring?
3:50 Speaker 02 That is funny.
3:52 Speaker 01 I don't need any excuse.
3:53 Trevor Noah? I've noticed since marriage, you've taken like the amount of hand gestures you do.
4:00 Speaker 01 Rubbish, rubbish. I always smoke with my hands because I'm militant.
4:04 Trevor Noah? No, you see, you spoke like that with your hands.
4:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:06 Trevor Noah? You've been with me for how many years? You've never complimented my hand cream. And then now you're like, oh, the hand cream, smell it.
4:12 Speaker 02 Move like you've just scrubbed it.
4:13 Trevor Noah? Smell it, smell it, please.
4:15 Speaker 01 A good day to save lives, people.
4:17 Trevor Noah? Congratulations.
4:18 Speaker 01 Thanks. Do you know what I was thinking?
4:19 Trevor Noah? You know, we haven't been on the podcast since you've been married.
4:21 Speaker 01 Oh, yes. No, what I was thinking when I was on my way here is that you basically have a podcast all around me. Because the first time was when I was turning 40.
4:30 Trevor Noah? That's true.
4:31 Speaker 01 And then the second time was when my movie was nominated for an Oscar.
4:34 Trevor Noah? Yes.
4:34 Speaker 01 And now I'm engaged. This is the What Now podcast.
4:39 Speaker 01 Thanks to Anneli.
4:42 Speaker 01 Write me my cheque.
4:43 Trevor Noah? So how does it feel to be a wife?
4:45 Speaker 01 Um, I'm like spoiled, I'm pampered, it's nice. Like, I do nothing, which is great.
4:50 Trevor Noah? I thought it would be the other way around.
4:52 Speaker 01 No. Yeah, that's what they, that's what they try to sell us women, that yeah, you must cook, you must clean. Uh-uh, none of that. The real marriage is, is the man that does everything.
5:01 Trevor Noah? Wait, so you don't cook anymore?
5:02 Speaker 01 I do cook, but that's all I need to do.
5:04 Trevor Noah? Oh, okay.
5:05 Speaker 01 Like, absolutely all I need to do.
5:06 Trevor Noah? Yeah, because I was gonna be like, you not cooking is a...
5:09 Speaker 01 A bit of punishment for me, I expect.
5:11 Trevor Noah? No, but for everyone. No, but for everyone. It's just like a concept now. Now I have like a vested interest in destroying your marriage.
5:17 Speaker 01 Oh no, don't do that.
5:18 Trevor Noah? No, I'm saying if you didn't cook. I'm saying if you didn't cook.
5:20 Speaker 01 Okay. No, I promise you, it's, um, it's so nice to find a partner. Like, I've, I've literally found an equal. Like, he's, he's my partner. He's like, he's my dude, he's my guy.
5:30 Trevor Noah? That's amazing.
5:31 Speaker 01 Yeah. I'm, I feel so protected and safe and it's just the entire thing. Also because he's the one person in the world that I don't have to convince to be on my side.
5:41 Trevor Noah? Oh, he's automatically on your side.
5:43 Speaker 01 Automatically, automatically on my side, but, well, in public. But if we get home...
5:47 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, that's the whole point of a relationship.
5:49 Speaker 01 And then he feels like, ah, babe.
5:50 Trevor Noah? In public, you say, I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you. And then when you go, yes. It's the opposite of Elon Musk and Donald Trump.
5:56 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, no, totally.
5:57 Trevor Noah? Yeah, they were supposed to do it, if they were married, they'd do it the other way around.
6:00 Speaker 01 They just went together too many places. That's another thing that I've, I've realised about.
6:04 Trevor Noah? That's how every relationship ends.
6:06 Speaker 01 Exactly. There's no ways that you guys can beat... I mean, every time we saw Donald Trump, Elon Musk was there. That relationship, that's gonna fail.
6:13 Trevor Noah? How have you been, Caesar? Are you married?
6:15 Speaker 02 Maybe.
6:23 Speaker 01 And you know what? It's so plausible that Caesar would get married and tell none of us.
6:26 Trevor Noah? He would do that.
6:28 Speaker 01 And, and he does this every now and then on social media, where people, he's like, yeah, I was sitting with my wife and kids. And then people have a meltdown because every, every woman in the country is hoping to be Caesar's wife and kids.
6:37 Trevor Noah? Wait, have you actually done this?
6:39 Speaker 02 What, married?
6:39 Trevor Noah? You say like, I'm sitting with my wife and kids and then...
6:41 Speaker 02 Oh, sometimes.
6:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:43 Trevor Noah? Huh. Why do you do that?
6:46 Speaker 02 Because maybe I'm married. Who is this? Sometimes I'll be chilling with my wife and she'll be like, yo, tweet that.
6:53 Speaker 02 And then one day I wanna show my kids the teeth.
6:57 Speaker 02 When they're old enough.
6:59 Speaker 01 Look at these guys.
7:01 Trevor Noah? Your wedding's gonna be the first wedding I've ever attended.
7:03 Speaker 01 I know that.
7:04 Trevor Noah? Ever in my life.
7:04 Speaker 01 I know that and this.
7:05 Trevor Noah? Are there any tips I should know?
7:06 Speaker 02 You've worked at a wedding though.
7:07 Trevor Noah? Say again?
7:08 Speaker 02 You've worked at a wedding.
7:08 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but that's not attending a wedding. A lot of people work at weddings, bro.
7:13 Trevor Noah? Imagine if people serving food are like, oh, this is my fourth wedding I've attended. No, bro, you work at the wedding.
7:17 Speaker 01 No, it's not. And my mashed potato is cold.
7:19 Trevor Noah? Yes, you don't work, you don't attend a wedding if you're working at a wedding. I've never attended a wedding ever in my life. Is there anything I should know beforehand? Are there things I should or shouldn't do?
7:30 Speaker 01 No, you, you, I mean, you'll be fine. Trevor, you've been to the Oscars and the Grammys, I think.
7:35 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but that's not the same.
7:36 Speaker 01 Are you sure?
7:37 Trevor Noah? Oh, goodness, here we go.
7:41 Speaker 02 Oh, boy.
7:42 Speaker 01 Do you panic when you have to go to events like that? Because a little bit of me is panicked for you.
7:47 Trevor Noah? Why?
7:47 Speaker 01 Because of people. And I, and I know my people and I love my people. But you must realize something else about a wedding is that those are not all.
7:54 Trevor Noah? Oh, they're not all your people.
7:56 Speaker 01 My people.
7:56 Trevor Noah? Yeah, so you know, it's funny you say that. So part of the reason I've never been to weddings is because I work too much. The other reason is people don't invite me to their weddings or people uninvite me because I'm me. So multiple brides have said, we don't want Trevor at our wedding.
8:09 Speaker 01 Because you can't have two brides.
8:10 Trevor Noah? Well, there you have it.
8:12 Speaker 01 And so, I mean, look, he's already.
8:15 Speaker 01 He's already out here wearing the bridal gala. I mean, come on.
8:19 Trevor Noah? No, literally, people have said to me, they go, so then the husband will have to come and tell me, hey, man, uh, we're getting married. And I'm, well, congrats. When's the, and they're like, yeah, that's why I'm here to tell you. Uh, she asked that you don't come. And I'll be friends with both of them. And she's like, yeah, I just don't want Trevor there.
8:36 Speaker 01 And you know what? People don't understand, I have a hard rule that I do not take photos at weddings with people, right? Because it's all about the couple. Please, leave me out of it.
8:46 Trevor Noah? No selfies.
8:47 Speaker 01 No selfies.
8:48 Trevor Noah? Okay, would you, would you be offended if I came in a disguise?
8:51 Speaker 01 No, I'd actually be quite entertained.
8:54 Trevor Noah? Because I was thinking about this the other day. Michael Jackson used to go out in full prosthetic makeup. And I was like, maybe I'll come as like an old man from somewhere, just like make it interesting.
9:03 Speaker 01 And then when people say, where's Trevor? He is here.
9:06 Trevor Noah? Yeah, you just go like, he's here, you didn't see him, he's here.
9:08 Speaker 01 I'll just put you at my dad's table.
9:10 Trevor Noah? Yeah, and I'll just be like, I can just be like some old man from somewhere. Anele, I've known her for many years. Ah, so exciting, Anele.
9:18 Speaker 01 What a wife.
9:19 Trevor Noah? What a wonderful time. And they're like, who is this guy? I'll just be like the life of the party.
9:23 Speaker 02 That's actually a good idea.
9:24 Trevor Noah? I'll be the life of the party.
9:25 Speaker 01 And then what, as the evening progresses?
9:28 Speaker 02 No reveal.
9:28 Speaker 01 No reveal?
9:29 Trevor Noah? No reveal. I just roll through your party.
9:32 Speaker 01 Oh, actually.
9:32 Speaker 02 Just rump and to skin.
9:33 Trevor Noah? Jean Manuel. Oh, yes, I've known Anele for many years.
9:37 Speaker 01 But do you not want to be seated around your friends?
9:39 Trevor Noah? I do.
9:40 Speaker 01 But then people are going to be like, who's the random guy with kayak?
9:42 Trevor Noah? Jean Manuel, we've known him for years. That's all you gotta say. You are one of those people where no one will wonder why you know a random French person.
9:50 Speaker 01 This is true.
9:51 Trevor Noah? You've traveled the world.
9:52 Speaker 01 This is very true.
9:53 Trevor Noah? Your close friends.
9:54 Speaker 02 There's shame. There's a poor French person who's gonna get accosted at the wedding now. Everybody taking.
10:01 Speaker 02 Even I'm gonna be taking pictures of this guy. And he's gonna be like, ah, so no.
10:06 Speaker 01 And then they're like.
10:06 Trevor Noah? Trevor, Trevor, ah, Trevor, let's have a picture, Trevor. Ah, Trevor, don't be like that.
10:10 Speaker 01 Jean Manuel.
10:12 Speaker 02 Oh, boy. Man, it's gonna be crazy.
10:16 Trevor Noah? Um, well, uh, the reason I invited you here, my friends, is I realized the other day, we've never played a game of If I Rule the World together.
10:24 Speaker 01 If I rule the world.
10:26 Speaker 02 How does it work?
10:26 Trevor Noah? Yes. Hey, you know what? I knew you're gonna want like the rules, and I'm gonna have to break them down for you. Anele will just play the game, because you're a normal human being. Cezanne is a robot, so I have to explain this to you. It's If I Rule the World, but don't think of it as like a, it's not like a, it's magic, but it's not magic.
10:46 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:47 Trevor Noah? It's a thought exercise.
10:48 Speaker 02 So it does need to make sense?
10:49 Trevor Noah? It's the whole, it's better if it doesn't make sense, but your motives need to make sense. And what you're trying to do is convince the other two people that your idea of the world should be implemented because you justify it.
11:03 Trevor Noah? Do you get what I'm saying?
11:04 Speaker 02 A hundred percent.
11:05 Trevor Noah? Cezanne, go.
11:06 Speaker 02 If I ruled the world, all elections would be at the same time. All countries, like, yo, man, elections on this day, same limit terms, and we all go to elections and we vote, and then we rule.
11:19 Trevor Noah? Huh.
11:19 Speaker 02 There's more to it, I can add to it as we progress, but that's a starter.
11:22 Trevor Noah? Okay, so if you ruled the world, everyone in the world would have their elections on the exact same day.
11:29 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:29 Trevor Noah? Exact same time, basically you do.
11:31 Speaker 02 Terms would be aligned.
11:32 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:32 Speaker 01 My question, then, e- even countries that don't have elections, you would say.
11:40 Speaker 02 Well, so, you know, you laugh, but you raise a very good point. What a random question, that was so great. No, no, no, you raise a very good point. So when anybody else has elections.
11:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:50 Speaker 02 Countries like.
11:51 Trevor Noah? North Korea.
11:52 Speaker 02 Peking, Afaz, so you just load your gun, that's the day you load your guns.
11:55 Trevor Noah? Okay.
11:56 Speaker 02 So if your, your exchange of power happens via violence, you get in the popular of that day.
12:01 Speaker 01 Oh, so you're not judging how they elect their leader, but you just want it to happen at the same time?
12:06 Speaker 02 Yes.
12:07 Trevor Noah? But wait, why?
12:08 Speaker 02 So that the person who comes into power, comes to power with every other person, and then you guys lead in unison.
12:16 Trevor Noah? Yeah, I, I, I like the idea, but I'm worried about a few things. Okay, first of all, do you not worry that if we do this, you could create a world where everything goes wrong at the same time? Because think, okay, let's, let's look at the world right now, right? So Donald Trump won the election. Before Donald Trump won, most or many countries in the world were swinging right, right? So in Canada, they were leaning right, the right wing party was gonna win. All over Europe, right wing parties were gonna win. Like, this was everywhere, it was, you know, people were leaning right. Donald Trump wins, starts playing with the economy.
12:51 Speaker 02 He's playing right into my trap.
12:52 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
12:52 Speaker 01 Okay, no.
12:53 Trevor Noah? Why you setting traps? What kind of friendship is traps?
12:56 Speaker 02 It's not a trap.
12:57 Trevor Noah? So anyway, but no, no, no, but now, so everyone, and then what happened was, people went, actually, wait, we don't want that.
13:02 Speaker 02 Yes.
13:03 Trevor Noah? We don't want that, so we're not gonna vote that way. And then Canada flipped the other way, right? So the Liberal Party won, and then around the world, this started happening in other places. I think Australia had a similar outcome. So aren't you worried that if everyone votes at the same time, everything can go wrong at the same time?
13:21 Speaker 02 So you're hundred percent correct, that would happen, or that does have a potential to happen, right? But that's actually not a bad thing. That's a good thing. In fact, it's one of the mitigating factors of disaster. Because the greatest risk is inequality.
13:36 Speaker 02 Some of the greatest countries actually fail because they do so well while other countries are doing so poorly. That people flock to these great countries.
13:45 Trevor Noah? Ah.
13:46 Speaker 02 Then these countries get burdened. Healthcare, everything really starts to fail because everybody's going there. If we're all failing, nobody's gonna leave their country, because where you going?
13:56 Speaker 01 So, so every, every zone must be a war zone, right?
14:01 Speaker 02 It doesn't necessarily have to be war, but if the economy is tanking, it's tanking everywhere. I'm telling you, there's gonna be no forty six refugees going to the US.
14:10 Trevor Noah? Because everyone's a refugee.
14:11 Speaker 02 Yeah. Everybody's gonna stay at home and pull their own weight. Where we going? Let's just speak.
14:15 Speaker 01 No, I don't think that argument holds water because then I'd still go wanna go somewhere else for better weather.
14:21 Speaker 02 Okay, yeah, you can go for better weather.
14:22 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but refugees don't travel for better weather. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I understand.
14:26 Speaker 01 South Africans have changed the definition of refugees.
14:29 Trevor Noah? Yes, South Africans really have changed the definition of refugees because before this, refugees only went to another country. Because like they had to and they had no life.
14:39 Speaker 01 And their bags didn't have wheels. Our refugees, they were dragging their luggage.
14:44 Trevor Noah? Yes, normally refugees have baggage, not luggage. This is very different. So, um, yes, uh, I hear what you're saying. But I, I, I don't think people will travel for weather. But I do think Aniles writes about places still being better than other places.
14:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, so places will inherently be better than others.
15:01 Trevor Noah? But you wanna tank it all at once or win all at once?
15:03 Speaker 02 Well, the idea is not to tank anything. The idea is actually to progress all at once. Because now, here's my idea of the leadership, right?
15:10 Trevor Noah? Okay, go.
15:11 Speaker 02 It's essentially the Avengers of each region.
15:16 Speaker 02 Uh, let's speak about Africa maybe to start off with.
15:19 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:21 Speaker 02 When you look at the liberation of Africa from colonialism.
15:26 Speaker 02 Obviously it gets staggered, but majority of the good times happened between nineteen fifty five, so like maybe nineteen sixty five, right?
15:34 Trevor Noah? Is the good times for Africans or for the colonial powers?
15:36 Speaker 02 No, for Africans.
15:37 Trevor Noah? Okay, okay.
15:37 Speaker 02 That's when most African.
15:38 Trevor Noah? Okay, okay, okay, cool.
15:40 Speaker 02 But if you look at the people, they were the helm of leadership at the time. You had the Kwame Nkrumahs, for example, in Ghana. You had Julius Ndrere in Tanzania. You had Kenneth Kaun in Zambia. Uh, you had all those people, I mean, Otambo even, who wasn't in South Africa, but working for the ANC stationed in, in, in, in Lusaka, right? You need people to think in a similar fashion and then to help each other along the way, like, yo, man, let's do this, let's do that. Cause it doesn't help for a Trevor to be like, okay, I'm holding down South Africa, things are maybe going okay here. And then Anneli is busy messing things up in Kenya.
16:18 Speaker 01 But how do you know that everything is gonna stabilize at the same time as well? Because each different region is gonna come up, uh, come against different resistance.
16:25 Speaker 02 You're hundred percent, it won't stabilize at the same time. But you will start working towards the goal at around about the same time.
16:32 Trevor Noah? I, I, I, I do think there's, there is some merit to this, because if, if you think about every, every conflict and every negotiation that happens around the world. Many of them are thrown off by a regime change at the wrong time.
16:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
16:48 Trevor Noah? Right? So Israel Palestine is a good example. Some of the most progress they ever made was thrown off by an Israeli election. That all of a sudden, there was a new leader who was like, actually, everything you were agreeing to.
17:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:00 Trevor Noah? I don't care about it and we're starting again. Trump is a great example. As America was, you know, Joe Biden was like, I'm doing this, I'm doing. And then even the other way, by the way, you know, when Joe Bi, when Joe Biden came in after Trump, it throws everything off.
17:12 Speaker 01 But what's to say that every, it doesn't matter about the timing that we're all getting a new leader at the same time? Maybe I come in and I don't agree with what has been happening in this country.
17:21 Trevor Noah? But what Caesar's saying is that you don't agree, but Caesar's saying you don't agree at the same time at least.
17:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:25 Trevor Noah? We all start.
17:26 Speaker 02 And also we just have elections, it's not to say that just because you had elections, we're gonna change. We may have elections to decide we're keeping Anneli for another five years or however long the term is, right? Also, your people get to decide. So the majority wins, but winner takes all, like the electoral college, right? So even if you win by fifty one percent, now you've got to be a dictator. The other forty nine can go jump.
17:49 Trevor Noah? This is what you're adding to your thing.
17:50 Speaker 02 Yes.
17:50 Speaker 01 That I agree with.
17:52 Speaker 02 Wow.
17:52 Speaker 01 Now, now you've got my attention.
17:54 Speaker 02 So if you win by fifty-one percent.
17:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:56 Speaker 02 Now, everybody's gonna roll with you. There's none of this every time you gotta put this thing to a referendum. You lost, bro. So now, take your L, swallow these stones, let's go.
18:06 Speaker 01 Hmm. Sometimes, and I think this is South Africa at times, that we just do need a little bit of a dictatorship.
18:12 Speaker 02 Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
18:13 Speaker 01 Just a little one, not a big one, not a big one.
18:16 Speaker 02 The electoral college works exactly that way.
18:17 Speaker 01 Not a big one, a little one.
18:18 Speaker 02 The electoral college works exactly that way. You're being like, come on, Trevor, just a little dictatorship. Come on, just the tip.
18:23 Trevor Noah? So you are all in on an election on one day?
18:25 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:26 Trevor Noah? And the winners take it all?
18:27 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:28 Trevor Noah? I, I just wanna throw one thing here, just to confirm before I vote on your measure.
18:34 Trevor Noah? Do the winners in your system have the right to say that there's no more elections going forward?
18:39 Speaker 02 No.
18:39 Trevor Noah? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
18:40 Speaker 02 No.
18:41 Trevor Noah? What, what's the main thing that you think this will fix, though?
18:44 Speaker 02 The progress will move a lot quicker. And it'll fix the idea of progress. Well, not necessarily progress, but the timing issue. A lot of what we have is also just the timing issue, which you've already mentioned.
18:58 Trevor Noah? Countries starting at the, at a different time, wrong time.
19:01 Speaker 02 Hundred percent.
19:02 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't get to start on negotiations at the same time.
19:04 Speaker 02 And also, here's one very important factor that people don't consider. Each era requires a different type of leadership.
19:12 Speaker 01 But then who decides that it is now time for a different type of leadership?
19:17 Speaker 02 So I can only give you the opportunity, the people actually decide.
19:22 Speaker 02 So what will happen is, on aggregate, the people who elect the people that they think they need the most. Then I'll say, okay, this country has decided, this country can go left, that country can go right, but they're all gonna go wherever they need to go at that time.
19:39 Trevor Noah? I'm not, you know, when you started, I, I was, I was a solid no, but you are.
19:44 Speaker 02 I'm making sense.
19:45 Trevor Noah? No, no, I mean, look, sense is the one thing you always make. The thing I worry most about is like feasibility, but sense, yes.
19:52 Speaker 02 No, no, it's not feasible.
19:53 Trevor Noah? You know you're gonna be the first person who's ever argued against themselves.
19:56 Speaker 02 Took myself out of the W.
19:58 Trevor Noah? Let's go, let's go.
19:59 Speaker 02 Okay, so if you look at game theory.
20:02 Speaker 01 Game theory?
20:02 Speaker 02 Yes. Basically, there are certain models that help us determine what human behavior is likely to tell us and do, right? So I'll use the stack theory for one. If us three decide that we're gonna go hunting.
20:20 Speaker 02 And we can either go hunting for a stag. If we get a stag, we are all gonna eat.
20:27 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
20:27 Speaker 02 So much so that we're gonna be full and there's gonna be meat left over. But the tools for us to be able to hunt a stag are very particular tools. When we leave the house, we need to decide.
20:35 Trevor Noah? We're taking stag tools.
20:37 Speaker 02 Or we can all go hunt for rabbits. Now, we, all three of us need to contribute to be able to get the stag. But if you wanna go hunt a rabbit, you can do it by yourself.
20:48 Speaker 01 And you eat it by yourself.
20:49 Speaker 02 Yeah. You almost guarantee that you will catch a rabbit if you go hunt for a rabbit.
20:53 Trevor Noah? Okay.
20:54 Speaker 02 But a rabbit will just feed you for maybe half a day, then you go go catch another rabbit.
20:58 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:58 Speaker 02 But if we decide we get a stag and we catch a stag, wow, we're gonna be chilling.
21:03 Trevor Noah? It's bountiful.
21:04 Speaker 02 Yes.
21:04 Trevor Noah? And so what does game theory suggest?
21:05 Speaker 02 Now, we all, we all start from different houses. And we can't communicate which tools we're gonna take. We agreed, yeah, that we're gonna go hunt for a stag.
21:13 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
21:14 Speaker 02 Then you go sleep at home. While you're sleeping, Trevor goes, I don't know, Caesar's really gonna hunt for a stag with me. Because if I just go and hunt for a rabbit, I'm guaranteed I'm gonna eat. However, if I think we're hunting for a stag and Caesar doesn't pay with me, we all gonna starve.
21:32 Speaker 01 We all gonna starve.
21:33 Speaker 02 Humans, because they act in their own best interest, will most likely all go for a rabbit.
21:39 Trevor Noah? But is that, is that true, though? Is that how society?
21:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:42 Trevor Noah? If you think about it, right? Think of tribes, think of cultures, think of everything. That goes against game theory in a way.
21:49 Speaker 02 No, we hopeful. So, again, between us three, you may take it for a given that we all go hunt for a stag.
21:55 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
21:56 Speaker 02 But obviously, there's emotions involved with us. We're all friends. If I say I'm gonna bring another guy, we don't know. He's a part of us now.
22:02 Speaker 01 Now you, now there's a problem.
22:04 Speaker 02 You see?
22:05 Trevor Noah? Yes.
22:05 Speaker 01 Because it's a trusting.
22:06 Trevor Noah? It is a trusting.
22:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:07 Speaker 01 But that's what I'm saying.
22:08 Speaker 02 And that's how society works.
22:09 Trevor Noah? Okay, but now, so now. Yeah, but now let's bring it back to, so why do you think that'll hurt your voting system?
22:16 Speaker 02 Because inevitably, it means that this system will break down at some point.
22:20 Trevor Noah? And what do you think will break down in it?
22:21 Speaker 02 I, as the monarch, may give an instruction. And these prime ministers or presidents may go against my instruction.
22:29 Trevor Noah? No, you rule the world. You're thinking too hard.
22:31 Speaker 02 No, but they may go, actually, it's just Caesar.
22:34 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no. You rule the world. You can't doubt yourself, bro.
22:37 Speaker 01 Look at royal family.
22:38 Speaker 02 No, no, no. I'm not doubting myself. I'm doubting humans, actually. Anile is not convinced yet.
22:42 Speaker 01 I'm not. I'm absolutely not convinced. You are starting to make sense now about humans uh uh acting in self-interest.
22:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:49 Speaker 01 And this is why I don't think your theory would work. Is because sooner or later, people like power. No one's gonna want to let go of power regardless of what other countries are doing. And actually, that's when we will start fighting with other countries. That's how world wars happen, because we just start fighting with other countries. Because we don't agree on how we should all be doing things.
23:06 Speaker 02 So tell me, how do you think you can work with this? Because I've also got another way to mitigate this idea.
23:10 Speaker 01 I can't work with it. It doesn't work at all.
23:13 Speaker 02 Okay, as I say, it doesn't work at all. Come on.
23:15 Speaker 01 No, it doesn't work.
23:16 Trevor Noah? No, but wait, but wait, wait, wait, wait.
23:17 Speaker 01 Even the broadcaster in me is like, CNN can't keep up with all these elections at the same time, Caesar.
23:22 Trevor Noah? But that's a good thing.
23:23 Speaker 01 What do you mean that's a good thing?
23:24 Trevor Noah? We don't care about the broadcasters. This is about democracy. Well, well, like, I can't believe that you literally just went, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
23:31 Speaker 02 And if anything.
23:32 Trevor Noah? I know that the world is at stake, but guys, what about CNN?
23:35 Speaker 01 Yes.
23:36 Trevor Noah? You literally brought CNN. You brought CNN up. And we're talking about the fate of the world.
23:41 Speaker 01 Yes, because somebody has to report on it, guys.
23:43 Trevor Noah? No, why?
23:44 Speaker 01 Because somebody has to know what's happening.
23:46 Trevor Noah? Why?
23:46 Speaker 01 How are these countries going to know?
23:48 Speaker 02 Let me get her. Let me get her.
23:49 Speaker 01 No, but wait.
23:49 Speaker 02 You know who cover these elections?
23:51 Speaker 01 Who?
23:51 Speaker 02 They'll be covered locally.
23:52 Trevor Noah? Yes.
23:53 Speaker 01 By who? By, by?
23:54 Speaker 02 By the nine four seven or the world.
23:56 Trevor Noah? No, but guys, but guys, also, we are people.
23:58 Speaker 01 You have to know what's happening in the other countries, Caesar.
24:01 Trevor Noah? No, we don't. You don't, actually. You can just text each other.
24:03 Speaker 02 This is the beauty. This is the beauty of the system. Every country takes care of its own.
24:07 Trevor Noah? You know what Caesar's doing?
24:08 Speaker 01 Yes, but how would you know if the other country is speaking to the rules?
24:11 Trevor Noah? So, Anile, can I tell you what Caesar's doing? Uh, as you both know, I'm a big fan of football, as Americans say soccer. And on the final day of the Premier League in England, a lot of leagues do this around the world. What they started doing is, they started saying that every game on the final day is played at the exact same time. So every other week, games are staggered so that you can watch all the games and you can see who won, who lost, and then you play the next game. But what they realized at some point was, on the final day, there are teams who will play a certain way because they already know a result has gone in a direction that suits them.
24:49 Speaker 01 Oh.
24:51 Trevor Noah? You see. So they would go, if we win this game, our rivals who are playing another game actually benefit. So we should lose this game to hurt our rivals because they're in a lower position on the table than we are. So then they realized, no, every game was played exactly the same time so that you don't know how your fate is gonna affect the other or be affected by the other.
25:11 Speaker 01 The bookies must hate that.
25:12 Trevor Noah? Nah, I mean, I think they love it actually, because it's chaos. Bookies love chaos. Right? But the thing it's done, to Caesar's point, is it's made it that everyone just has to focus on their game. You can't play your game based on another game. And so what Caesar was basically saying is, you shouldn't have your election in your country based on another country. And, and in fact, let's be honest, let's think about it. America has an outsized influence on other countries' elections. Yep. But they don't really have an outsized influence on the effect inside your country. Do you get what I'm saying? There are many countries in the world who will vote a certain way because of the vibe that America's putting out. And that may not be in the best interests of the country if they voted blindly.
25:56 Trevor Noah? An example, you won't be able to like, oh, we saw what happened with Brexit, what, what do we think in Amer-? No, it's like it's all happening at once. We all walk out of our doors the next day and we're like, how? You did that? And now we're in.
26:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:09 Trevor Noah? So that's, that's what he's saying.
26:11 Speaker 02 Any more questions?
26:12 Speaker 01 No.
26:12 Speaker 02 Cause I've got so many more answers.
26:14 Trevor Noah? I mean, I, I don't.
26:15 Speaker 01 How long have you been thinking about this?
26:17 Speaker 02 About.
26:17 Trevor Noah? About ruling the world.
26:20 Trevor Noah? Sizwe wakes up every day thinking this. Every single day, Sizwe. Sizwe asks himself, he goes like, why don't I rule the world? That's what he asks himself every day when he wakes up.
26:28 Speaker 01 That's what he's asking ChatGPT.
26:30 Trevor Noah? Every.
26:30 Speaker 01 Why don't I rule the world?
26:32 Trevor Noah? ChatGPT asks him.
26:33 Speaker 02 You know, I still don't have ChatGPT.
26:34 Speaker 01 Really?
26:35 Trevor Noah? I believe that, cause you are ChatGPT. Why would an AI use an AI?
26:38 Speaker 02 I've always felt like it's cheating.
26:40 Trevor Noah? Yeah, because you're an AI.
26:42 Speaker 02 Just, yo, man, what happened to intrinsic knowledge? Just work with what you got, bro.
26:46 Trevor Noah? No, bro, but.
26:46 Speaker 02 I feel like people are doping now.
26:47 Speaker 01 Where did you get it, this knowledge?
26:49 Speaker 02 From a book.
26:50 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but this is like a book.
26:51 Speaker 01 So that's ChatGPT.
26:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's not an open book test.
26:54 Trevor Noah? See, this guy.
26:55 Speaker 01 That's life, bro.
26:55 Speaker 02 Study, study before the test.
26:57 Trevor Noah? Don't get distracted by this guy. Are you ready to vote?
27:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:00 Trevor Noah? So we're voting. Uh, I vote for Sizwe's amendments.
27:05 Speaker 02 Do I get to vote?
27:06 Trevor Noah? No, you, you, you can't vote.
27:08 Speaker 02 Well, it's gonna be a stillmate then.
27:10 Trevor Noah? Yeah, then you lose. That's how it works on this show.
27:12 Speaker 02 You didn't say that.
27:15 Speaker 02 Is that your I rule the world?
27:17 Trevor Noah? No. That's how it works.
27:19 Speaker 02 No, man.
27:20 Trevor Noah? No, that is exactly how.
27:21 Speaker 01 No, no, can I tell you?
27:22 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no, no.
27:23 Speaker 01 No, no, I'm, I'm pretty, I'm, I just need more explanations, maybe, just like on a granular.
27:28 Speaker 02 Okay, explain to me how this idea is worse than what we currently have.
27:32 Trevor Noah? She wants CNN to be able to cover. You lost to Anel when you said CNN can't cover elections. The broadcaster in her got so hurt.
27:42 Speaker 01 It's, cause you, you make it seem like it's going to be so easy. Things are gonna happen and then it's gonna be smooth sailing. But as we've seen with countries and elections, it is really the, the most tumultuous time of any country.
27:53 Trevor Noah? And Sizwe wants it tumultuous all at once.
27:55 Speaker 02 I'm not saying everything is gonna be solved by this. I'm just saying it's just a better system than what we currently have. That's all it is. I'm not saying, we're not gonna solve every problem with this. Dude, there are plenty of problems. But it definitely is an improvement from what we have.
28:08 Trevor Noah? Sizwe is basically saying, you know, sometimes you go to a party? And then people get drunk at different times in the night. Sizwe's like, everyone's getting drunk at the same time. You're all getting wasted at the, if there's a fight, everyone's fighting.
28:19 Speaker 01 I hate that I'm now convinced using a drunk.
28:23 Speaker 02 Because she knows there's gonna be, there's gonna be a moment where there's peak enjoyment for everybody.
28:28 Speaker 01 Yes.
28:28 Trevor Noah? Or peak chaos.
28:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:29 Trevor Noah? Because you see, the other argument is if you go to a party and people get staggered, it is nice to have a few sober people to be like, hey, man, you've had too much. And then other people to be drunk and make the party move. That's where, that's where Anele is.
28:39 Speaker 02 But hold on, so let me explain that, right? So let's go, let's say it goes peak chaos.
28:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:44 Speaker 02 Right? You know what's worse than peak chaos? Staggered chaos.
28:49 Trevor Noah? You think so?
28:50 Speaker 02 Yes. Try to break up a fight here and then as soon as you're done breaking up this fight, then another one breaks out. Then another one breaks out. Rather than there's one huge fight, then when the guys are done, you go, okay, now let's go clean the blood.
29:01 Speaker 01 So when, when everyone has killed each other?
29:03 Trevor Noah? Yes, essentially.
29:04 Speaker 01 Because that's what.
29:05 Trevor Noah? That is peak chaos.
29:06 Speaker 01 That's peak chaos.
29:06 Speaker 02 It's not possible for everybody to kill each other.
29:08 Speaker 01 Okay, one person will be standing.
29:10 Speaker 02 If anything, this theory just gets better and better.
29:14 Trevor Noah? I might wanna go back and change my vote.
29:15 Speaker 01 I'm voting against it.
29:16 Trevor Noah? You're voting against it?
29:16 Speaker 01 I'm voting against it.
29:17 Trevor Noah? Alright, Cesar.
29:18 Speaker 01 No, sorry.
29:19 Speaker 02 But why are you voting against it?
29:20 Speaker 01 No, exactly that, the weak die. Cesar, that's, that's.
29:23 Speaker 02 Oh, you've got an allegiance to weakness now, is that what you're saying?
29:26 Speaker 01 No, but I'm just saying that you cannot have a chaotic system everywhere in the world. So everywhere, there's like there's war, everywhere there's fighting.
29:34 Speaker 02 But you, that's a worst case scenario, it will never happen like that.
29:38 Speaker 01 No, but that's not how the game works. You can't be like, well, you know, on the best case scenario, my stuff will work.
29:42 Speaker 02 It's unlikely to happen like that because this theory is based on majority ruling.
29:46 Speaker 01 Uh-uh.
29:47 Speaker 02 And generally, generally, people are scared of the majority.
29:51 Speaker 01 Yes, but once again, the majority themselves can also fight amongst each other. So you're thinking that just because the majority rules and it's gonna be fine, nothing's gonna happen. But now, w- once we're done winning and now we are the fifty-one percent, that then becomes a hundred percent in charge of everything. We're gonna start fighting inside that fifty-one percent because inherently, humans want power.
30:12 Trevor Noah? Sounds like you're still a no.
30:13 Speaker 02 You, no, no, wait. Forget, you still haven't explained to me how the status quo is better at mitigating that than my system, though.
30:21 Speaker 01 As in what's currently happening now?
30:22 Speaker 02 Yes.
30:22 Speaker 01 No, that wasn't my job to explain that.
30:26 Speaker 01 I know, I know things are not going well, but your system is definitely not better.
30:31 Speaker 02 It's way better.
30:32 Trevor Noah? Sorry, Cesar. This is how it works.
30:34 Speaker 02 You're a hater. But it's fine.
30:38 Trevor Noah? All that matters.
30:38 Speaker 02 Single Anele would have voted for this.
30:40 Speaker 01 No.
30:43 Speaker 02 Wow.
30:43 Speaker 04 Shit's changed, shit's changed, okay, shit's changed.
30:46 Trevor Noah? Alright.
30:47 Speaker 02 Oh, man.
30:48 Trevor Noah? Okay, well, Cesar, I'm sorry. I, I'm familiar with. The feeling you have right now, I I've never won an If I Rule the World.
30:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, because your ideas were just horrible.
30:55 Trevor Noah? Who's the hater now?
30:56 Speaker 02 I'm just saying.
30:57 Speaker 01 My ideas are great.
31:00 Trevor Noah? We're gonna continue this conversation right after this short break. Some of the most interesting things you learn happen while you're doing something completely ordinary. Maybe you're cooking dinner while watching a history video. Maybe you're on a flight catching up on a long-form interview. Or maybe you're trying to figure out how to fix something in your house because apparently owning a screwdriver means you're an electrician now. But you see, that's one of the things I love about YouTube Premium. I travel a lot, so I download videos before a flight. That way, I'm not leaving my entertainment in the hands of airplane Wi-Fi. Yeah, I've made that mistake before. You think you're gonna watch something in 4K and suddenly everyone's face is pixels. But one of my favorite features is smart downloads.
31:45 Trevor Noah? You see, YouTube Premium can automatically download recommended videos for you based on what you already watched. So sometimes I'll get on a plane, I look at my phone, I'm like, ah, I didn't download anything. And it's like, no, YouTube already thought about this. They packed entertainment for me in my little lunchbox. And with background play, I can lock my phone, switch apps, and whatever I'm watching just keeps on going. So if you like YouTube, you will love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Earth can be a lot sometimes. Heat waves, gas prices, bad hair days. Why not go where life is good?
32:29 Trevor Noah? Escape to Pluto TV. Turn off your problems and turn on your favorite movies and shows. You know, the ones you already love. From Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy, to Dirty Dancing, to Top Gun Maverick, from Alias to The X-Files. It's all here and all free. Go where the TV is always good. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.
33:00 Speaker 02 Liz, you're yours?
33:01 Trevor Noah? Okay, Anele?
33:02 Speaker 01 If I ruled the world, I have, actually I have two, and I always have two, so the other one-
33:06 Trevor Noah? But just pick your best one.
33:07 Speaker 01 Okay, my best one. If I ruled the world, everyone, and I mean everyone, would have to live 10 minutes from where they work. Max, max.
33:20 Trevor Noah? 10 minutes by car, by train, by bus, by walking, by-
33:24 Speaker 01 By everything. So I'd find that every single country has to have such a great public service transport system-
33:30 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
33:30 Speaker 01 That it doesn't matter where you, where you work, but you have to live 10 minutes away.
33:35 Trevor Noah? Have to live 10 minutes?
33:36 Speaker 01 Yes.
33:36 Trevor Noah? So no one can live more than 10 minutes away?
33:39 Speaker 01 Well, if you want to, that's, that's really up to you. But I just feel that life would be easier if, if everyone's commute to work was shorter.
33:48 Speaker 02 I mean, I'm with you.
33:49 Trevor Noah? No, but now you're giving us like a, like a, like an easy system.
33:52 Speaker 01 Oh, much, so-
33:53 Speaker 02 In theory, it makes sense, but it's not practical at all.
33:56 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
33:57 Speaker 02 No.
33:58 Speaker 01 Since when did you come with this practicality?
34:00 Trevor Noah? I wanna know more, the whys. Let's, let's go to the whys before we, before we, so, why?
34:06 Speaker 01 Because I find that most people, and, and this is obviously not the, the higher echelon that can take helicopters to work, right?
34:12 Trevor Noah? Yes, yeah.
34:13 Speaker 01 Well done to them. But I find that most people who are just working, middle-class people who are just working, which is most of the world, they're spending so much on getting to work-
34:21 Trevor Noah? Hmm.
34:22 Speaker 01 That it literally then cuts, cuts your budget in terms of things that you could do for your family.
34:27 Trevor Noah? Okay.
34:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:29 Speaker 02 No, you're 100% correct.
34:31 Speaker 01 Ideally, is that no one should be spending any money to get to work.
34:35 Speaker 02 Not even money, just the time.
34:36 Trevor Noah? Okay, wait, wait. Are you saying time or money?
34:38 Speaker 01 Both, gallo. Time is money. And when, have you never, have you never worked the streets?
34:42 Speaker 02 That is funny.
34:43 Trevor Noah? Have I never worked the streets? Yes, my time is a gigolo, of course.
34:48 Speaker 01 Time is money. I don't think time matters to me as much as-
34:51 Trevor Noah? The money.
34:52 Speaker 01 The money, where you should not have to pay anything to get to work.
34:56 Trevor Noah? So which one are you going for? Are you charging, are you, are you amending your 10-minute rule to a money thing?
35:02 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm not- I'm not putting it in the front line.
35:06 Speaker 02 That is funny.
35:07 Trevor Noah? No, but I need to know what your rule is, so I can.
35:09 Speaker 01 You said I can't have two rules.
35:11 Trevor Noah? No, I just need to know what the rule is.
35:13 Speaker 02 You rule the world.
35:14 Trevor Noah? You rule the world, so I need to know what the rule is.
35:16 Speaker 01 Okay.
35:16 Speaker 02 He's gonna help and fix her world.
35:18 Trevor Noah? No, wait. Don't mansplain her world, Sizwe.
35:20 Speaker 02 No, I'm not mansplaining.
35:21 Trevor Noah? She's been mansplaining her world.
35:22 Speaker 02 I'm just trying to help.
35:23 Trevor Noah? No, you're mansplaining her world. I wanna hear what Anele's world is.
35:25 Speaker 01 That you should not have to pay to go to work.
35:29 Speaker 02 Anele, just make a rule, a world where people teleport to work.
35:32 Trevor Noah? This guy's mansplaining a world, no.
35:33 Speaker 02 No, I'm not mansplaining it. Just have them teleport to work.
35:36 Trevor Noah? Anele, don't let him pressure you.
35:37 Speaker 02 It's a distance and a time, doesn't matter.
35:38 Speaker 01 No, but isn't teleporting like the stuff that only happens in the movies?
35:43 Speaker 02 It's your world.
35:44 Speaker 01 At work?
35:45 Speaker 02 It's your world.
35:47 Speaker 01 No, that's, no, I don't want that.
35:48 Trevor Noah? Okay, so.
35:49 Speaker 01 You must have some sort of commute.
35:51 Trevor Noah? Okay, so you want people to commute, okay?
35:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, there must be some sort of commute.
35:53 Trevor Noah? I'm drilling down on this, so I like this. So you don't wanna eliminate the commute?
35:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:57 Trevor Noah? Okay, but you don't want people to spend more than a certain amount, so does the time?
36:02 Speaker 01 No, they mustn't spend any money.
36:03 Trevor Noah? No money?
36:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, no money.
36:04 Trevor Noah? Time?
36:06 Speaker 01 Ten minutes max.
36:06 Trevor Noah? Okay, so ten minutes and no cost?
36:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:10 Trevor Noah? Phew.
36:10 Speaker 02 Okay, that's fine then. That works. This is as good as teleporting.
36:13 Trevor Noah? Okay, now here's what I worry about. What are you going to do when your cities and systems grow to the point where it can't sustain? Cause like you can only, you can only do.
36:23 Speaker 02 I just said that.
36:24 Trevor Noah? I'm asking it as a question, Sizwe. It's a question, Sizwe.
36:29 Speaker 01 Okay. Then you transfer to another company, guys, where you're doing the same thing.
36:34 Speaker 02 So I've gotta move now? Ah, yai yai yai yai yai. Bruh, you know how much I like my house? Ay ay ay, ay ay ay. You see now, you're falling apart.
36:44 Speaker 01 No, I'm not falling apart.
36:47 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but Sizwe has raised a good question.
36:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:50 Trevor Noah? What, you're moving us now to another place where we're ten minutes away?
36:53 Speaker 01 Ask your question again, so I can.
36:56 Speaker 01 I interrupted you while you were asking your question.
36:58 Trevor Noah? At some point, just you're gonna reach capacity. It's inevitable, right? Because at some point, a city has to expand. It just, it cannot go up forever. Even if it did, your elevators would now, you know what I mean? Your elevator would be your commute.
37:12 Speaker 01 Got you.
37:12 Trevor Noah? Okay, so at some point, the city has to expand. There's gonna be some sort of sprawl. Once that happens, people are now outside of the distance that you've set or the pricing that you've set. So you then said people must now do what?
37:27 Speaker 01 So what, people are gonna move out because?
37:29 Trevor Noah? I'm asking you. I don't make the rules in your world. I just wanna know what you're doing.
37:33 Speaker 01 No.
37:36 Trevor Noah? Cause now, cause now, okay.
37:37 Speaker 01 No, but now you guys are asking things that, that doesn't make sense.
37:40 Trevor Noah? You've been to Brazil?
37:41 Speaker 01 Yes, I have. Sao Paulo.
37:43 Trevor Noah? Sao Paulo?
37:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
37:43 Trevor Noah? Have you seen the traffic in Sao Paulo?
37:45 Speaker 01 No, I didn't. It was an F1 weekend, so I didn't get to experience any of the hardships of the traffic.
37:50 Trevor Noah? Oh.
37:50 Speaker 01 I've, I've, I've experienced Lagos traffic though.
37:53 Trevor Noah? Lagos?
37:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
37:54 Trevor Noah? Sao Paulo, um.
37:55 Speaker 02 Even Kenya in the afternoon.
37:56 Trevor Noah? Daily. Let me tell you something. No, forget, this, you see like Kenya in the afternoon, there's places I've been to where there's only traffic. Like, it's just perpetual.
38:06 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:06 Trevor Noah? Perpetual, and but most of those places are densely populated and there's just no way for there to not be any type of.
38:13 Speaker 02 L A even.
38:14 Trevor Noah? Yeah, it's just congestion.
38:15 Speaker 01 Then you should be allowed to say, okay, guys, no one's allowed to move to L A anymore, okay? Now, move somebody else. There, move somewhere else.
38:21 Trevor Noah? So you're shutting cities down.
38:23 Speaker 01 We're done here. We've me, we've reached maximum capacity.
38:26 Trevor Noah? So my family can't move here now?
38:28 Speaker 01 Well, if your family wasn't in from the beginning, that's it, because we also have to affect in the fact that people in here are gonna have families.
38:35 Speaker 02 What happens if you get married, miss wife?
38:37 Speaker 01 Yes, Kalung Didhi, when you are inside here, this is it. It's done.
38:41 Trevor Noah? So your marriage, your partner, you could only meet people from your city then?
38:45 Speaker 01 There we go.
38:46 Speaker 02 Highly incestuous.
38:48 Speaker 01 There, once we're in here, we're in here.
38:50 Trevor Noah? Once we're in, we're in.
38:50 Speaker 01 Once you're in here, you're in here, okay? And Mister Economist over here, you must do that thing where there's like a little bit of fat. You, you have room for fat.
38:59 Speaker 01 Okay? You have room for fat. And then it's like, okay, if there are five million people in here, let's allow that.
39:04 Trevor Noah? It can grow too.
39:05 Speaker 01 It can grow too.
39:07 Trevor Noah? Phew. You know, you know what's funny is, and I mean, this is something I love about like all policies and ideas in the world. This started as a very liberal.
39:18 Trevor Noah? Beautiful idea.
39:19 Speaker 02 Yes, and then reality sets in.
39:20 Trevor Noah? And then it slowly moved into like a nationalist.
39:24 Speaker 01 Dictatorship.
39:25 Trevor Noah? Yeah, like.
39:26 Speaker 01 Which I'm not, not a fan of.
39:29 Speaker 02 That's how cities are formed, generally, really.
39:31 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but they don't say you can't move in and you can't move.
39:33 Speaker 02 No, no, they don't say.
39:34 Trevor Noah? I mean, that's an extreme.
39:35 Speaker 01 Yes, you can definitely move out.
39:37 Trevor Noah? To where? The other cities are also full.
39:39 Speaker 01 No, well, they, not all of them are full.
39:41 Speaker 02 Why they're not?
39:42 Trevor Noah? Why they're not full?
39:43 Speaker 02 Job is a job.
39:44 Speaker 01 Yes, so we go there and y'all people must start developing, making some.
39:48 Trevor Noah? So you're gonna say people.
39:49 Speaker 02 You're placing a huge burden on us right now.
39:51 Speaker 01 Oh, and how much less than the burden that we place on one city?
39:55 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, I think I'd rather be in traffic for an hour than to have to.
39:59 Trevor Noah? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, okay, here's a question. What if you're like a taxi driver or an Uber driver? You're, you work in transportation. So now you're limiting how much people can earn from that, that, that drive or that distance.
40:12 Speaker 01 The distance.
40:13 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
40:13 Speaker 01 Yes, but that means you guys are always going to be busy.
40:16 Trevor Noah? Oh, but just doing a lot of.
40:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, you just.
40:18 Speaker 02 How are we going to be working for free?
40:19 Speaker 01 Ten trips, no, instead of doing ten trips that are fifty Ks and eighty Ks. You're gonna do a hundred ten K trips, guys. You guarantee payment. Yes.
40:29 Speaker 02 Who's paying us?
40:31 Trevor Noah? So the government is paying?
40:32 Speaker 01 I, I'm in charge. I'm paying for it.
40:34 Trevor Noah? Okay, so you, government pays for transport. Doesn't matter what the transport is.
40:37 Speaker 01 Yes.
40:38 Trevor Noah? Okay, no.
40:39 Speaker 02 But why don't you just give people money?
40:40 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, that's not how it works. No, no, Caesar, that's not how it works. If I ruled the world, you can't say, why don't they do another rule?
40:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:46 Speaker 02 Okay.
40:46 Trevor Noah? So, I have a question for you. Your government is paying everyone for transport. What if, um, people then, so I'll, I'll tell you a little fun story, uh, that hap, this happened in Nigeria. Uber, the company we're all familiar with, went from country to country trying to grow its operations. One of the things it did that was particularly ingenious and sinister at the same time was they gave incentives to drivers in all of these countries to drive for Uber by giving them bonuses. So they said, if you take, if you agree to drive for Uber and you pick somebody up from, let's say, an airport where we really need drivers, we'll give you a bonus. So we'll give you like double the amount of the fare that it would normally be. And they went, and they did this in almost every country.
41:31 Speaker 01 Is that sustainable?
41:32 Trevor Noah? It's not supposed to be. The only thing they were trying to do is establish themselves in the market and get a stranglehold on it so that like taxis and all these other industries wouldn't be able to compete. Exactly. So they get crowded out, right? Now, it worked in most places. In Nigeria, however,
41:50 Trevor Noah? Nigerian taxi drivers and Uber, like people who had cars, they did the calculation and realized that they could make money but not really have to drive anybody. So what Uber drivers in Nigeria did was they signed up to be Uber drivers. They then called themselves from the airport, picked up nobody from the airport, drove themselves back into the city, and then got the bonus amount which was, which paid for the gas.
42:18 Speaker 01 Yes.
42:18 Trevor Noah? And then they, then they took themselves back to the airport to get another fare that was a bonus.
42:24 Speaker 01 Because if it's a bonus, then you're just living off the bonus.
42:27 Trevor Noah? And they were making so much money doing this that Uber cancelled the scheme for the whole world.
42:31 Speaker 02 Man, Nigerians are so genius, bro.
42:34 Trevor Noah? Kudos to Nigeria.
42:35 Speaker 01 All the time.
42:36 Trevor Noah? Because Uber was scamming, and then Nigeria was like, you want to scam? You want to scam?
42:40 Speaker 01 You came to the head of it.
42:41 Trevor Noah? We're going to show you something. And Nigeria taught Uber a lesson. Now, I'm not saying that will or won't happen, but what I worry about in your system is you're saying transport is free. How are you gonna ensure that like the people who are doing transport don't just transport for, for the sake of transport now?
42:59 Speaker 01 Because you're working with people who are working, right? So it is, it is, the onus is also on the person who's being transported to show where they're working. It's like, it's good pass.
43:09 Trevor Noah? You have to prove.
43:10 Speaker 01 Yes, yes. Remember when you were a kid.
43:12 Trevor Noah? So you have to prove to your taxi driver that you're going to a job.
43:14 Speaker 01 But all of that will be factored in by companies. It's much like companies will subsidize things. You know how companies subsidize things, or you have a, a, a company car or company petrol car that you must ride? How far you went? That's fine. That's all admin. File that all under admin.
43:29 Trevor Noah? It seems like a very admin-heavy system you've created.
43:32 Speaker 01 What world isn't?
43:33 Trevor Noah? No, but like yours is like particularly.
43:35 Speaker 01 Yes, but you're getting free transport. I don't think you should mind clogging in when you're getting free transport. I'm doing you a favor here.
43:41 Trevor Noah? When you started.
43:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:42 Trevor Noah? Like most ideas.
43:43 Speaker 02 It sounded like it was.
43:44 Trevor Noah? It was really beautiful. As we've gone down this journey, I'm picturing living in Anile's world. You get out of your house. And then you get into your transport, you clock in. Transport, transport has proof of work, please.
43:59 Speaker 01 Yes.
44:00 Trevor Noah? Proof of work. What if you're just going like fun places?
44:04 Speaker 01 Then pay for yourself.
44:06 Trevor Noah? Oh, this is interesting that you've said this.
44:08 Speaker 01 That's your recreational thing.
44:10 Trevor Noah? Okay, so now, I don't know that this is true. But what might happen, and our A I colleague over here will confirm or deny. I think what might happen is if your system pays for people to go to work. But people have to pay for themselves to go to like entertainment.
44:29 Trevor Noah? First of all, you'll have to prove that the people for work are going there not for entertainment. But also, the market for entertainment could become more valuable than the work market. And then people will go, I only wanna drive for the entertainment market, not for the work market. Like if I'm a taxi driver and I get paid by the government to drive people to work. But then Caesar wants to go to the club. Now I go Caesar, I already have a fare, it's taking this person to work. Caesar goes, I'll pay you double, cause I'm paying.
44:58 Speaker 02 In all fairness though, to defend an A L system, you live ten minutes away from work. Even if there are no cars taking you to work, walk to work.
45:05 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but that can't be a ten minute walk, guys, I don't know if you know how transportation works.
45:08 Speaker 02 No, she said ten minutes, she didn't say ten minutes walking or driving.
45:11 Trevor Noah? But it can't, it can't be the same, it can't be ten walk, ten, have, you use Google Maps. Every time you change them, it's gonna change.
45:18 Speaker 02 Okay, ten walking.
45:20 Trevor Noah? Don't change it, cause if you say ten, don't let him trap you, A L.
45:22 Speaker 01 No, no, this was never asked of me, this will be the first time I'm giving.
45:26 Speaker 02 That's what I'm saying.
45:26 Speaker 01 Exactly, so it's ten walking.
45:28 Trevor Noah? Oh, it's ten walking, so the whole city's ten walking. Your whole city's ten walking.
45:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:33 Trevor Noah? Okay.
45:34 Speaker 01 But don't get distracted from the entertainment point that you're making.
45:36 Trevor Noah? I wanna go back now to ten walking.
45:38 Speaker 02 So now we walk to work?
45:39 Trevor Noah? Everyone.
45:39 Speaker 02 And we drive to party.
45:40 Trevor Noah? Everyone works ten minutes from.
45:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:42 Trevor Noah? What if I don't want to live where my work is in that way?
45:46 Speaker 02 That's fine, she said that's fine.
45:47 Speaker 01 That's up to you, if you wanna move forward away, you opted out. So for instance, once again, let's say you have a company car allowance of thirty thousand dollars, right? And you're just like, no, I don't wanna drive a Prius, I want to drive an X five. That's great, you're still gonna get your thirty thousand from us, but everything else you can then top yourself up, right? So we're saying here.
46:10 Trevor Noah? There's something we're missing here. Everyone works 10 minutes.
46:13 Speaker 02 I'll be a business person in this world and I'm gonna make gazillions.
46:16 Trevor Noah? How you gonna do it?
46:17 Speaker 02 I've just thought of so many loopholes, but carry on.
46:19 Trevor Noah? No, this is why.
46:19 Speaker 01 This is why, Kalu, you must poke poles.
46:21 Speaker 02 Ah, no, it's not a wrong thing. Keep your world. I'm just making money in your world.
46:27 Trevor Noah? I've never, you know, I've never encountered somebody like this. This guy is not even trying to like help. He's going.
46:33 Speaker 01 He's gonna actually vote for me.
46:35 Trevor Noah? He's gonna vote for you, so that he can make money in a theoretical world. See, there's something truly wrong with you. So, okay, all I worry about, Anile, is um, I, I, I can see the system crumbling somehow. Because 10 minutes for everyone means somebody's not where they want to be 10 minutes from. Cause not everyone can be 10 minutes from. No, no, no, I'm saying they can't be, even if they want to be.
47:00 Trevor Noah? You're gonna, you reach capacity at some point.
47:02 Speaker 01 Yes, but I told you, then it goes, goes to another place. Then we build there and then so that we can create a hundred New Yorks. And you'll make friends. Excuse me, you left us in South Africa.
47:13 Trevor Noah? I didn't leave you. I didn't leave you, Anile. I didn't leave you.
47:17 Speaker 01 Yes, don't be like your friends are, yeah, we were your friends, we were here, and you left.
47:20 Trevor Noah? I didn't leave you, Anile.
47:21 Speaker 01 No.
47:23 Trevor Noah? I didn't leave you. Guys, there was a white genocide in this country. I'm half white.
47:29 Speaker 01 Now I'm like this.
47:30 Trevor Noah? I'm half white, guys. I had to choose. I wasn't sure what you guys were gonna do with me.
47:37 Trevor Noah? What I'm saying is.
47:40 Trevor Noah? It's.
47:41 Speaker 01 Perhaps what I'm saying is, you, you have to go and create.
47:44 Trevor Noah? I love the sentiment.
47:45 Speaker 01 A lot of Johannesburgs, a lot of Leguses, New Yorks and all of that. You can't just bank on the fact that only one city is the one that's going to take all of the strain. Everybody's gonna flock to the city.
47:56 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
47:56 Speaker 01 Develop other cities so that we can all be like that.
48:00 Trevor Noah? I'm ready to vote.
48:02 Speaker 02 I'm also ready to vote. I'll be very lenient on you.
48:06 Speaker 01 No, don't be.
48:07 Speaker 02 No, I mean.
48:08 Speaker 01 I'm not your charity case.
48:11 Speaker 02 I'll drive you to work.
48:15 Speaker 02 Look, I know what you mean well, so I'll adopt it.
48:20 Trevor Noah? What? This guy wants to make money in your fictitious. This guy's thinking so transparent.
48:25 Speaker 01 After we vote, I wanna know how he's gonna make money from my system. But after we vote, so you're voting for me?
48:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'll vote.
48:32 Trevor Noah? I really can't believe this, guys.
48:33 Speaker 01 Thank you.
48:35 Speaker 02 What are you doing?
48:36 Trevor Noah? I genuinely can't believe this.
48:37 Speaker 02 He's Austin Chat G P T.
48:38 Trevor Noah? I genuinely can't believe this.
48:39 Speaker 01 Austin Chat G P T, if my way of ruling the world is viable, guys is viable, trust me.
48:43 Trevor Noah? It's not about viability, I just can't believe Caesar's gonna vote yes. Because he wants to make business in a fictitious world.
48:51 Trevor Noah? Uh, so I'm gonna vote no.
48:54 Speaker 01 Why?
48:55 Trevor Noah? The reason I'm voting no, I love, I love the sentiment, I love the feeling behind your idea, by the way. Because I, I agree with you. I think it's unfair that some people spend a disproportionate amount of their income on getting to work and getting back from work. Because then they're not reaping the benefits of work the same way somebody who lives close to work does. So the idea behind it.
49:17 Speaker 01 The benefits of their salary, bro.
49:18 Trevor Noah? Yeah, that's what I mean, that's what I mean, the benefits of it, like, we both earn a thousand, but I spend five hundred getting to and back from work, means you have more of your thousand than I do. Your sentiment, I'm completely for. As is often the case on If I Rule the World, it's not that we disagree with the sentiment, it's the.
49:37 Speaker 01 The rollout.
49:38 Trevor Noah? The rollout that worries us. I worry that if you create a hard rule of ten minutes from work, very quickly we reach capacity, very quickly people, as you said, get kicked out to go and have to build new cities.
49:52 Speaker 01 Somewhere else.
49:52 Trevor Noah? Somewhere else.
49:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:54 Trevor Noah? Uh, I think this creates an imbalance now, um.
49:58 Speaker 01 If I remove the ten minute rule?
50:00 Trevor Noah? Are you saying you're willing to amend it and say, in your world, just no one would pay to go to work?
50:04 Speaker 01 Exactly, so if you have, if what you were saying is, if you, if all get paid a thousand dollars, right?
50:11 Trevor Noah? Yeah, no one gets, no one pays to go to work.
50:13 Speaker 01 Yes.
50:14 Trevor Noah? In your world.
50:14 Speaker 01 Yes.
50:17 Speaker 01 And it doesn't matter what type of work?
50:18 Trevor Noah? I can vote yes for that.
50:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's a yes, that's a clean yes.
50:21 Speaker 01 Okay, thank you.
50:22 Speaker 02 It's definitely a better world than what we have now.
50:24 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, I vote, I vote yes for that.
50:26 Speaker 01 Thank you.
50:26 Trevor Noah? Oh, well done, Anile. Congratulations.
50:28 Speaker 01 Thank you, my word, it's such a moment.
50:31 Speaker 02 That is funny.
50:32 Trevor Noah? It really is, well done.
50:34 Speaker 01 Why do I win?
50:36 Trevor Noah? You've just, you've won.
50:37 Speaker 01 Oh.
50:37 Trevor Noah? What you've won is that you've won.
50:39 Speaker 01 But there was just like a tangible prize.
50:43 Trevor Noah? Don't go anywhere because we've got more What Now after this. Some of the most interesting things you learn happen while you're doing something completely ordinary. Maybe you're cooking dinner while watching a history video. Maybe you're on a flight catching up on a long-form interview. Or maybe you're trying to figure out how to fix something in your house because apparently owning a screwdriver means you're an electrician now. But you see, that's one of the things I love about YouTube Premium. I travel a lot, so I download videos before a flight. That way, I'm not leaving my entertainment in the hands of airplane wifi. Yeah, I've made that mistake before. You think you're gonna watch something in 4K and suddenly everyone's face is pixels. But one of my favorite features is smart downloads.
51:28 Trevor Noah? You see, YouTube Premium can automatically download recommended videos for you based on what you already watch. So sometimes I'll get on a plane, I look at my phone, I'm like, ah, I didn't download anything. And it's like, no, YouTube already thought about this. They packed entertainment for me in my little lunchbox. And with background play, I can lock my phone, switch apps, and whatever I'm watching just keeps on going. So if you like YouTube, you will love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Thanksgiving is one of those meals where every dish carries a little more meaning because the table is really about the people around it. Whole Foods Market helps take some of the pressure off with quality proteins,
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53:12 Speaker 02 Let's hear your one.
53:13 Trevor Noah? Okay.
53:14 Speaker 02 There he goes.
53:15 Trevor Noah? All right.
53:15 Speaker 02 We're gonna be taking a poo and something.
53:18 Trevor Noah? Wow, Sizwe, is this how you see me?
53:20 Speaker 02 It's definitely something like, hey, your thoughts on this while you take a shower.
53:26 Speaker 01 Cause can I just go back to your other If I Ruled the World before you present us with a new one?
53:30 Trevor Noah? I don't think that's necessary because I already lost. I think this is painful.
53:34 Speaker 01 Okay.
53:35 Trevor Noah? Okay. So if I ruled the world,
53:40 Trevor Noah? nobody would know who their child was.
53:45 Speaker 02 What?
53:46 Trevor Noah? Wait, wait, let me explain.
53:48 Speaker 02 Oh damn.
53:49 Trevor Noah? So wait. If I ruled the world.
53:56 Speaker 02 No.
53:57 Trevor Noah? Listen, listen, listen, listen.
53:58 Speaker 02 I told you.
53:59 Trevor Noah? Listen, wait, wait, wait, wait.
54:02 Speaker 02 He's supposed to take a poo.
54:03 Trevor Noah? Wait, wait, wait.
54:05 Speaker 01 I'd rather a poo speak to us.
54:09 Trevor Noah? No, guys, you know what, guys? So if I ruled the world.
54:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:14 Trevor Noah? No one would know who their child is. So what I mean by this is we would develop a system where you could still have sex, everyone would do their thing, everyone would do their thing. In our world, what would happen is when you are ready to be pregnant, you would come to like the Ministry of Pregnancy and there's no qualifications, no nothing, no money, no nothing. We'd even come to you, it's not a transport thing, you can apply online. If you don't have internet, we'll help, whatever. Don't worry about all those things. But you come to us, you say like, we want to have a child. We approve you. There's no questions or anything. We approve you. And then, we impregnate the the the woman.
54:49 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
54:49 Trevor Noah? And then you have the child. But now the child can come from anywhere. So you could have a white baby, you could have Chinese baby, it doesn't matter. It's but it just comes from you.
54:59 Speaker 01 Good at math.
55:00 Trevor Noah? Yeah, your baby just comes out. And then that's but nobody knows where the baby did or didn't come from. And there's no way to find out in my world. There's no DNA testing. There's no none of that.
55:10 Speaker 02 Do you have parents in your world?
55:12 Trevor Noah? No, no, yeah, it's the same way we live now.
55:13 Speaker 01 It's the people who went to us for the baby.
55:15 Trevor Noah? Nobody knows who their kid is, is what I'm saying. Like, nobody.
55:19 Speaker 02 Okay.
55:20 Trevor Noah? Nobody.
55:21 Speaker 01 Not outrageous.
55:21 Speaker 02 What is it that you hoping to achieve with this? One, I can see, obviously, the supply of kids will even be evenly distributed, which is fine.
55:28 Trevor Noah? Okay, so there's a few things, a few things. Uh, number one, number one, the most important thing is, I think.
55:36 Trevor Noah? While admirable in its in its, um, you know, in its initial idea. I don't think bloodlines are as important as we think they are.
55:44 Speaker 02 I agree.
55:45 Trevor Noah? Okay. When we were starting off farming and all of this, that's that's really where you can trace a lot of like the ideas of marriage that we have, like now. You can trace it back to that. People started farming. And then all of a sudden, it became more important to build out the people who are gonna be farming with you and owning that farm with you. So then you went. Well, who are my offspring? Before that, a lot of tribes just were like, yeah, man, babies are babies. They're the babies of the tribe. It's everyone's baby. Now you're like, no, but it's my farm. Who gets my farm? Who works on it? My children from my wife. Women were property, children were property, right? I think we've kept a lot of that. And I think what it's created is a world where people now think of what should or shouldn't be done in the world.
56:31 Trevor Noah? Based on who is or isn't connected or related to them. Right? Now, I don't think people are evil. I just think this is a natural evolution of human beings. So, white people will team up with white people. Black people might be forced to team up with black people because they haven't really been given an option. So we don't know what black people will or won't do. You know, for the most, we haven't really seen in the world. But what I would love to see is a world where it sort of disentangles your parents and your bloodline from your opportunities or not in life. And I think it could create a world where people are less tied to my kids, because your kid could be like anywhere in a weird way. You might even bump into someone and be like, yo, man,
57:16 Trevor Noah? you look exactly like me.
57:18 Speaker 01 Okay, that's the weird part, but otherwise I agree with everything you say.
57:21 Trevor Noah? So that's like one part of it. And then the other part, the reason I say like applications for being pregnant is because because we'd be leading in science and stuff. I think a lot of people struggle to get pregnant and they fight. And then there's a lot of people who don't struggle at all. They just meet each other on one random night. And now they have a kid. They didn't want to have the kid. Now the kid lives a life that it doesn't need to. So I'm trying to create a system where the ones who want get, the ones who don't want don't have. And then we just like mix it up and we spin things around. And it's random. Do you know what I mean?
57:50 Speaker 01 There was a tribe like that somewhere in Africa. So I'm not going to say where, but and it kind of took away the pressure around when a couple cannot conceive. Right? It's like, oh, you know, I'm barren or you know, you're infertile and all of that. Whereas it would be hot in this big village, like you were saying.
58:08 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
58:08 Speaker 01 And just every night, people, a man would go and then on the door, no, this is kind of occupied type of thing, right? And we just all, we have intercourse with each other because we're a tribe. And if people are pregnant, like you say, you give birth and the the baby belongs to the tribe. The baby doesn't belong to the parents.
58:25 Trevor Noah? Yes.
58:26 Speaker 01 And I think, I'm not sure, maybe this Zulu culture, if you are having issues to conceiving as a child, your brother must step in.
58:33 Trevor Noah? Wait, really?
58:35 Speaker 02 Not must.
58:36 Speaker 01 It's not must.
58:36 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no, I mean.
58:37 Speaker 02 There's something called Ungana, right? So Ungana is.
58:41 Trevor Noah? Which means to get in.
58:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
58:43 Speaker 02 But essentially, what it means is, let's say, for example, Anele was married to my brother.
58:48 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
58:48 Speaker 02 Right? And my brother either passed away or wasn't able to have kids for whatever reason, right? Then Anele can just come into my household.
59:01 Speaker 01 Wow. Because the child would still be a normal.
59:03 Speaker 02 The family member.
59:04 Speaker 01 Right? So that, so there we go. So that's why I'm saying I don't hate.
59:07 Speaker 02 Obviously, not every family practices this.
59:09 Trevor Noah? No, no, but yeah.
59:10 Speaker 01 There.
59:10 Trevor Noah? I think it's a great idea.
59:11 Speaker 01 I, this is why I'm saying I don't hate your idea, because it's exactly that. We've just got into a place where people are very individualistic, like everything's about me.
59:20 Trevor Noah? Yes.
59:20 Speaker 01 I mean, I'm an individual. It's my wife, my children, my cars, my house and all of that.
59:24 Trevor Noah? Yes.
59:25 Speaker 01 But back then with this tribe, and I'll, I'll have to research it because I did read up about it, is that what they knew is that this child is of the tribe. So this child just belongs here.
59:34 Trevor Noah? And what I also want is, in my, in my dream world, I'm sure there would be a few problems that might be introduced. I don't know what they'd be, Sizwe will tell me, but.
59:42 Speaker 02 Your, your dream world would be like Japan, but carry on.
59:44 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no. I, what I'd love to do is, it would be, because culture would still be a thing, obviously.
59:49 Speaker 01 Hmm.
59:51 Trevor Noah? But tying race to outcomes, I think, would be greatly diminished. So there would be a Kosa Chinese kid now, because it's like, yeah, you're just Kosa. And the thing I like about culture in that way versus like race is that you can opt into culture in a way that you can't with race.
1:00:10 Speaker 01 Hmm, hmm.
1:00:11 Trevor Noah? You can marry into a Kosa family.
1:00:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:13 Trevor Noah? You can marry into a Zulu family.
1:00:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:15 Trevor Noah? You can, you get what I'm saying? You can adopt a culture in a way that you can't with race, because race is exclusionary. It's like, this is your race, buddy.
1:00:21 Speaker 01 This is how you're born. This is you.
1:00:22 Trevor Noah? Not only this is, we are saying that this is you forever.
1:00:25 Speaker 01 Hmm.
1:00:25 Trevor Noah? You know, you are Indian, you are Chinese, you are black, you are this, you are this, you are this. But with culture, you'd be able to be like, oh, no, no, I am, I am whatever.
1:00:34 Speaker 02 I like what your idea aims to achieve.
1:00:39 Trevor Noah? But.
1:00:39 Speaker 02 I worry that human nature would just mean that more people would opt out of being parents.
1:00:45 Trevor Noah? Oh, interesting. Say more.
1:00:48 Speaker 02 So, for the same reason that you mentioned, there's actually no other reason to be a parent except the selfish reason.
1:00:54 Trevor Noah? Okay.
1:00:54 Speaker 02 There's no other reason.
1:00:55 Speaker 01 Hmm.
1:00:56 Speaker 02 So people speak of legacy, people speak about I wanna carry on my bloodline.
1:01:01 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:01:01 Speaker 02 About I wanna see myself in this kid and they'll have none of that in your world. And so what I think they'll eventually do is they'll just be like, hey, you guys can raise other people's kids if you want. I'd rather keep my money for myself and my wife and I'm out.
1:01:15 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but they're gonna die out at some point and then the money goes somewhere.
1:01:18 Speaker 02 People will die anyway.
1:01:19 Trevor Noah? No, no, but think about it. I hear you.
1:01:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:01:21 Trevor Noah? But my response to them would be, yes, you're then you're gonna die out and who are you gonna leave the money to?
1:01:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, people don't care.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 It happens now anyway.
1:01:29 Trevor Noah? But that's fine because that means that then they would die out as people and their money would end up coming to the children of everyone.
1:01:37 Speaker 02 But the issue's not the money, the issue is about people not having kids.
1:01:41 Trevor Noah? Don't you think it would average out though? Cause in any society, there are people who want, there are people who don't want. But eh, the law of averages dictates that.
1:01:50 Speaker 02 I don't, I don't believe it would average out.
1:01:52 Trevor Noah? You don't think so? You don't think?
1:01:53 Speaker 02 Looking at human nature and just look at, I I use Japan for a reason, right?
1:01:59 Trevor Noah? Go.
1:01:59 Speaker 02 Because in Japan, the birth rate has been decreasing.
1:02:04 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
1:02:05 Speaker 02 Steadily over the last twenty years.
1:02:07 Trevor Noah? Okay.
1:02:07 Speaker 02 Right? And that's not even because of anything, but just because the Japanese government told them not to have as much sex. Don't procreate as much. And then people went so far there that it's at a point where the the Japanese government is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on, maybe start having more, but now.
1:02:22 Trevor Noah? Yes.
1:02:23 Speaker 02 The behavioral patterns have changed.
1:02:24 Trevor Noah? Yeah, completely. But now.
1:02:26 Speaker 02 This is my, I'm not saying, I don't know, I can't say for certain, but I I do believe human nature would cause people not to wanna raise other people's kids.
1:02:35 Trevor Noah? Now, my counter argument to you is, yes, Japan's population is declining, Africa's is increasing. So if we average it out over the whole world, Japan is going down, Africa's going up.
1:02:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, but Africans are raising their own kids.
1:02:49 Trevor Noah? No, yeah, yeah, but everyone would be raising their own kids in my world. It's just.
1:02:52 Speaker 01 No.
1:02:53 Speaker 02 No.
1:02:53 Trevor Noah? No, they come from inside you, they're your kids.
1:02:57 Speaker 02 Come on.
1:03:02 Trevor Noah? Wow.
1:03:02 Speaker 01 As the only person here who has a child, right?
1:03:05 Trevor Noah? That you know of? Me and Sizwe could be, you don't know?
1:03:08 Speaker 01 No, no.
1:03:09 Trevor Noah? He's got a secret family, you don't know?
1:03:11 Speaker 01 No, no.
1:03:12 Speaker 02 Me and Anele are sitting on one side for a reason.
1:03:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay. There is something about raising a child and then they do something or they say something. And that for that split moment, you're just like, oh my word, that is so me, or that is so your dad, right? And I don't think you'd be able to have that. And that little one percent of that that happens makes the other ninety nine percent of parenting worth it. Because parenting isn't fun.
1:03:37 Trevor Noah? I'm glad you said that, thank you.
1:03:38 Speaker 01 Parenting, parenting is, is, is just not fun. It's, it's a lot of stress, it's a, it's a lot of anxiety. And everybody who's a parent is acting like they're okay, but we're not, okay?
1:03:47 Trevor Noah? Thank you, Anele. Thank you for, thank you for this. This is a truthful moment, everyone.
1:03:51 Speaker 01 Is, is it, is it beautiful? Yes, that one, it's almost like training for the comrades or training for marathons.
1:03:57 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
1:03:57 Speaker 01 Or training for whatever it is, is that you're going to train for years and years. And then that moment of glory, when you get that Olympic medal, that's thirty seconds on the podium. Your flag's up, well done, off you go and you go and train for another.
1:04:09 Trevor Noah? But the rest of the time is torture.
1:04:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, for the rest of the time, it's absolute torture. It's absolute torture. And in, under your ruling, in your world, you're taking away the one percent that makes the rest of it worth it.
1:04:20 Trevor Noah? Okay, I hear you, but you wouldn't know the one percent in, in my world. Because nobody, yeah, you might, you don't know. Because remember, it's a lottery, you don't know.
1:04:30 Speaker 02 Can I ask you this way? What's the incentive to have a child in your world?
1:04:33 Trevor Noah? People want children all the time.
1:04:34 Speaker 01 For what? They just eat your money, they in your space?
1:04:39 Speaker 02 So for real, because I, we started off by saying, there's only selfish reasons to have kids.
1:04:43 Trevor Noah? Yes, but what I'm saying is.
1:04:44 Speaker 02 Now, you've taken away the selfish reason. So you, people who only have kids for selfless reasons, yeah.
1:04:49 Trevor Noah? People, there are people all over the world right now.
1:04:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:04:52 Trevor Noah? Banging down the doors of clinics, trying to get children.
1:04:55 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:04:56 Trevor Noah? Right? This is, throughout time, people have tried to get children. People want children.
1:05:01 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:05:02 Trevor Noah? So the reason I think people would still want children is because, to your point, children are terrible. But they're meaningful. You know what I mean? So, no, no, no, so listen, we've had the experience with you. You have given us the, like, before you had your son. I can unequivocally say I had zero interest in raising a young human being. These things were terrible and there was no need for them to be in my life. Then you made one. I was introduced to him. We've spent time with him. Then I was like, wow, what a beautiful journey, watching him evolve.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 Because your entire life, like, is the one percent.
1:05:40 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but no, no, no, I get that. But my point is still, because I've seen that, I'm now more amenable to it. You get what I'm saying? So I'm saying people will still want to have kids because having children and raising children brings so much meaning and purpose to life that people would still want to do it.
1:05:59 Speaker 02 Okay, so look at it as it is now.
1:06:01 Trevor Noah? And I think, and I think maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong, because I, I've never been pregnant nor do I ever plan to be. The experience of it for many women, I've been told, is, some have a terrible one, but others will tell you it's the most empowering and beautiful and the feeling and the life inside of you and the, so I don't know, I think some women would be like, I do like being pregnant.
1:06:18 Speaker 01 I love being pregnant.
1:06:20 Trevor Noah? There you go.
1:06:21 Speaker 01 I really.
1:06:21 Trevor Noah? So in my world, you'd be pregnant.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 And my pregnancy was easy, that's another thing. But I liked it and you could eat what you want and no one judges you and.
1:06:27 Trevor Noah? Yeah, you see.
1:06:28 Speaker 01 You know, and you can skip the line.
1:06:30 Speaker 02 But the statement is incomplete.
1:06:31 Trevor Noah? Why?
1:06:31 Speaker 02 Would she like being pregnant if you're gonna snatch the baby away from your afterwards?
1:06:34 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no, no, no.
1:06:35 Speaker 02 For her never to see it again.
1:06:36 Trevor Noah? Whoa, no, no, I'm not doing it that way and I'm not taking anyone's babies away. I'll never do that to people.
1:06:41 Speaker 02 What do you mean, not taking, she's not gonna get to raise the baby?
1:06:43 Speaker 01 No, you are gonna get to raise your baby. What he's saying is that when it's time to get pregnant, you go to like a central system and we impregnate you.
1:06:51 Trevor Noah? We impregnate you.
1:06:51 Speaker 01 And it's not necessarily your husband or your partner's sperm.
1:06:54 Trevor Noah? Yes, yes. No, but not, not anonymous sperm bank.
1:06:58 Speaker 01 It is.
1:06:58 Trevor Noah? No.
1:06:59 Speaker 01 So I would know who the dad is.
1:07:01 Trevor Noah? Don't undermine my, this is terrible branding.
1:07:03 Speaker 01 It's a sperm bank.
1:07:04 Trevor Noah? Hey, hey, it's not a, it's not a sperm bank because the embryos are also coming from someone else.
1:07:09 Speaker 02 Then the guys are gonna opt out.
1:07:10 Speaker 01 So I'm, I'm just opting in as an oven. I, I had no.
1:07:14 Speaker 02 So she's raising her kid, I'm raising a random.
1:07:17 Trevor Noah? No, wait, wait.
1:07:19 Speaker 01 No, even the embryo, so all I'm being used is the oven, but I had no say in what went into the recipe.
1:07:24 Trevor Noah? No, guys, okay, so I'm gonna, you know, whoever shouted that shit from the peanut gallery. You threw, we were doing so well here.
1:07:32 Speaker 02 Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:07:33 Trevor Noah? This is why branding, this is why branding, this is why branding. This is why branding is so important. This is why branding is so important. Okay.
1:07:44 Trevor Noah? In my world.
1:07:47 Trevor Noah? We will, we'll make it, it's really gonna be a beautiful experience.
1:07:50 Speaker 02 Explain the experience.
1:07:51 Trevor Noah? So you will come to the Ministry of Insemination. We're gonna call it the Ministry of Life, actually.
1:07:55 Speaker 02 You sound like a cult now, but okay.
1:07:57 Trevor Noah? The Ministry of Life, you will come there. And we will be part of celebrating this thing that you wish to achieve, which is creating life. And it'll be like a honeymoon, you know, we'll give you, you know, champagne and caviar, everything that you want. You spend a wonderful night together. On that night. You know what I mean? We're gonna set the scene, create the vibes.
1:08:18 Speaker 01 Everyone in the world's getting caviar.
1:08:20 Trevor Noah? Yeah.
1:08:20 Speaker 02 Forget that.
1:08:21 Trevor Noah? Caviar is actually.
1:08:22 Speaker 02 How does she get?
1:08:22 Trevor Noah? Wait, wait, she's on, she's listening right now. I'll handle you afterwards. Let me do one at a time, yeah. So Anise, you come there, everyone gets champagne, everyone gets caviar. Luther Vandross is playing Babyface, Babyface is playing. Everyone's enjoying themselves. Whatever you want that night to be, we will make it happen. And remember, the Ministry has departments all over the world, so we, we, we're close to you, ten minutes away. So, you come there. You enjoy yourself, and then on that night. We inseminate you, right? It's a very seamless process, not gonna be like IVF is now. We've worked on the technology, but we inseminate you in that process, okay? And so.
1:08:59 Speaker 01 Devil's, devil's advocate.
1:09:01 Trevor Noah? No, and so what happens is, now in that night, you have been inseminated. You are now going to be pregnant. And then you're gonna go off, and you and your partner, or husband, or friend, or whoever you chose to do this with, you've done that night together.
1:09:14 Speaker 01 So this baby is not fifty percent anyone's.
1:09:17 Speaker 02 It's fifty percent you, for sure.
1:09:19 Trevor Noah? It's you and your partner, the same way another child is.
1:09:23 Speaker 01 No, but you missed.
1:09:23 Speaker 02 No, no, it can't be the partner.
1:09:24 Trevor Noah? What do you mean?
1:09:25 Speaker 01 Cause the sperm came from anywhere.
1:09:26 Trevor Noah? Oh, yeah, the sperm and the.
1:09:27 Speaker 02 So it's fifty percent her.
1:09:29 Trevor Noah? The sperm, no, the sperm.
1:09:30 Speaker 01 I'm just carrying it, but the embryo is not mine.
1:09:33 Trevor Noah? Come from anywhere. So you might bump into your own genes in the world, you never know.
1:09:37 Speaker 02 Damn, bro.
1:09:38 Trevor Noah? What I'm saying, though, is, you will now walk away pregnant, and when your child is born, and they are your child.
1:09:44 Speaker 02 Stop saying your child, they're not.
1:09:47 Speaker 01 Can I have a name?
1:09:49 Trevor Noah? You just told me your brother. You just told me your brother can come and inseminate you. That's your child.
1:09:53 Speaker 02 That's family, bro.
1:09:55 Speaker 01 Yes, that's family. We've got the same genes. We are family.
1:09:58 Trevor Noah? But in my world, do you understand that over time, genetically, we will all have the same genes but diverse?
1:10:03 Speaker 01 So I have a one in eight billion chance that I'm gonna run into my child?
1:10:07 Trevor Noah? It's not one in eight billion, actually.
1:10:09 Speaker 02 Because if you have two kids, you have two in two, two in eight billion.
1:10:11 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, but also, think of how your bloodline, if you traced your family tree as far back, you'd find that it's not one in eight billion.
1:10:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:10:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, with a little bit of incest, it could be more.
1:10:23 Trevor Noah? It's way more.
1:10:24 Speaker 01 So I have less chance of running into my child?
1:10:26 Trevor Noah? No, it's way more, way, way, way, way higher, way higher.
1:10:28 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
1:10:29 Trevor Noah? Way higher. You, you have...
1:10:31 Speaker 02 But also, do you wanna spend your life searching for your child? What nonsense is this?
1:10:34 Trevor Noah? But guys, this is your child.
1:10:36 Speaker 02 No.
1:10:36 Speaker 01 No, this is a very separate...
1:10:38 Speaker 02 I'm voting out of this nonsense.
1:10:39 Trevor Noah? So what, what's your concern here?
1:10:41 Speaker 02 Everything, bro. What is your...
1:10:42 Speaker 01 My concern is you are literally taking everything away that makes parenting worth it. Now, we just all...
1:10:50 Trevor Noah? Okay, okay, wait, I'm gonna throw something at you.
1:10:52 Speaker 01 We're on a conveyor belt now.
1:10:53 Trevor Noah? Okay, I'm gonna throw something at you. And, and, and, Caesar, stop saying no for a second.
1:10:56 Speaker 02 Yeah?
1:10:57 Trevor Noah? Just be open for a second.
1:11:00 Trevor Noah? Have you heard stories of families who left the hospital with the wrong baby?
1:11:06 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:07 Trevor Noah? Raised that baby.
1:11:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:08 Trevor Noah? Loved that baby.
1:11:09 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:10 Trevor Noah? There was nothing wrong.
1:11:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:12 Trevor Noah? And then found out when there was like an organ transplant or something that involved deep blood work, that they weren't related to their own child.
1:11:21 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:21 Trevor Noah? This is the first moment when families went, wait. And then they traced it back and they're like, ah, in the hospital, the babies were susced at birth, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1:11:29 Speaker 01 So you want all families to be like that?
1:11:32 Trevor Noah? Wait, I'm gonna...
1:11:34 Speaker 02 He's basically taking the decal cause and he's shuffling, shuffling, shuffling. Every day, I'm shuffling.
1:11:38 Trevor Noah? Yes.
1:11:39 Speaker 02 And he's dealing with a bad head.
1:11:40 Trevor Noah? No, what I'm saying is, those families will tell you, there was not one moment where they went, this is not our child. They had the same experience of raising them, loving them, seeing them grow, feeling them, all of it.
1:11:51 Speaker 02 Because they believed that the child was theirs.
1:11:54 Speaker 01 Because the sense of protection you feel for a child, for a baby, is because there is a familiarity between you and this baby. This is why, mothers, some of you are lying when you say this, when they're like, oh, they placed the baby on my chest and, you know, I fell in love immediately because, you know, it was just, it's the greatest love I've ever known. What you're feeling is familiar. It's like I've seen this person before. And and and then you have a feeling of this is me. I can like I can see me here. I can see my husband, you know, my baby daddy, whoever it is. It's the sense of familiarity that you have and not necessarily love. Yes. So now, if I know that that's not my child, you're just like, oh, I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.
1:12:40 Speaker 02 And also, see, Anele already alluded to this, right? Part of the joy of parenthood is the things that you don't teach your child, but that they inherently just know. Then you're just like, man, this is amazing.
1:12:54 Trevor Noah? Can I tell you something here? This is something that people take for granted. A lot of that is confirmation bias. So we take for granted that a lot of the behaviors that children get from parents are learned. They're in the environment with you and we don't think we're teaching, but we are. Children laugh like their parents, not because they inherited the laugh necessarily, but because the laugh gets passed. You can even be like, oh, you did the exact same thing as my grandfather. Yes, but things are passed down and kids are constantly, without knowing it, decoding what they take and how they take it.
1:13:23 Speaker 02 I can agree with learned behavior, but this genetic stuff.
1:13:26 Trevor Noah? Yes, I understand, but I'm saying we take for granted how much of what we recognize isn't genetic. We're seeing what we want to see, just like, oh, okay, let me, I'll even throw this at you. I've been in the streets with friends of mine who I act like. And then people go, you guys are related. And I'm like, no, they're like, no, you guys are related.
1:13:45 Speaker 02 That's not the same thing. I'm talking about things you can't teach.
1:13:48 Trevor Noah? Yes, but I'm saying.
1:13:50 Speaker 02 Haven't you ever looked at your dad's foot and you're like, dude, I've got exact same foot.
1:13:53 Trevor Noah? But I'm saying you will find.
1:13:54 Speaker 02 He didn't teach your foot to grow that way.
1:13:55 Trevor Noah? You will find that because there's everything else of me that's not like my dad. So you find the thing that is the same.
1:14:01 Speaker 01 No, but.
1:14:01 Trevor Noah? If I found out tomorrow.
1:14:02 Speaker 01 The one percent I was telling you about.
1:14:04 Trevor Noah? Yes, but if I found out tomorrow that Cezanne and I were actually brothers, I'd be like, oh, that explains why we both like blah, blah, blah. Now I would find all the things. Do you know what I mean? It's like when people fall in love, all of a sudden they.
1:14:15 Speaker 02 They look alike.
1:14:15 Trevor Noah? Have you seen star signs? People get star signs and now all of a sudden they're like, that explains it. Ah, I wondered why I got fired. Mercury was in retro. Great, alright guys, they just gave you an answer. What, so I'm saying a lot of what people do is giving themselves an answer as to why the child is or isn't like that.
1:14:31 Speaker 02 Which is fine.
1:14:32 Speaker 01 Which is fine.
1:14:33 Speaker 02 In your world, we wouldn't even have the luxury of lying to ourselves like that. I'm out.
1:14:38 Speaker 01 The one percent, you negating the one percent, is that the, is the one percent magic that children bring? That is like, oh my word.
1:14:45 Speaker 02 And the final, the final nail in the coffin.
1:14:47 Trevor Noah? Guys, do you know how many dads in the world are raising a son or a daughter that is not theirs?
1:14:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:14:53 Trevor Noah? And they have this experience fully, but they're happy.
1:14:54 Speaker 01 No, they live in.
1:14:55 Speaker 02 Because they don't believe that these are not their kids. Hey, man.
1:14:58 Speaker 01 If you amend your rule to.
1:15:00 Trevor Noah? I'm telling you, in your world. Open to amendments, go, go, go.
1:15:02 Speaker 01 If you amend your rule to what I was saying about, you know, similar to the African villages where the father is here, the mother is here, and we are all just raising. So once again, we are a city of, say, eight million people, and all of us are, are mixing about, that's fine.
1:15:19 Speaker 02 I can make money in your world. Ah, I can make money in your world. Come on, son.
1:15:25 Speaker 01 Do you see what I'm saying?
1:15:26 Trevor Noah? I, I hear you, but my, my.
1:15:27 Speaker 01 Just narrow it, it, uh, it, they cannot be.
1:15:29 Trevor Noah? My, my issue is still that now i- it will become a little too insular for my liking.
1:15:35 Speaker 02 You want to hear my business idea? Let's hear your business idea. I would be the guy smuggling like real kids, like you, you'd be like, yo, you and you, want your real baby?
1:15:45 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:15:46 Speaker 02 Come visit me for nine months. You'll walk out with your real babies. That's my business. Guys be moving with real ones.
1:15:54 Speaker 02 Selling authentic babies.
1:15:57 Trevor Noah? I mean, needless to say, there would be a crackdown of this, of this black market here that's run by Cezanne.
1:16:04 Trevor Noah? But I.
1:16:04 Speaker 02 It wouldn't only be black markets, it could be white markets, Chinese markets.
1:16:07 Speaker 01 Asian market, Indian market.
1:16:10 Trevor Noah? I'm, I'm willing to accept your votes.
1:16:14 Speaker 01 Will you amend your rule, though?
1:16:16 Trevor Noah? Unfortunately not. That one I can't amend.
1:16:18 Speaker 02 I'm voting for this one.
1:16:20 Trevor Noah? I can't, I'm sorry, I nearly.
1:16:21 Speaker 01 But you were there, like you really had me.
1:16:23 Trevor Noah? I know, but I can't amend it because it wouldn't fulfill what I'm trying to do. So I, I.
1:16:27 Speaker 02 You meant well, but like, I nearly nah. I'm not voting for this one.
1:16:32 Trevor Noah? So.
1:16:32 Speaker 02 Your world, yo, your world do have cycles, bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, there be jokers moving around every.
1:16:40 Trevor Noah? Why would my world have cycles?
1:16:42 Speaker 02 Come on, there's trauma in your world.
1:16:43 Trevor Noah? Why would there be trauma?
1:16:45 Speaker 02 This is trauma, but also why would there be trauma?
1:16:47 Speaker 01 And unlike Caesar's world where the chaos comes every five years, yours is just a constant uninterrupted source of chaos.
1:16:54 Trevor Noah? Why is the chaos?
1:16:54 Speaker 02 Okay, let me tell you why. Right now, the world is messed up mostly because of absent fathers. Your whole world is absent fathers, bro.
1:17:02 Trevor Noah? No, no, no, no. Why is it absent fathers? My world is chosen.
1:17:05 Speaker 01 There is a father.
1:17:06 Trevor Noah? In fact, in fact, in my world, in fact, in my world, it's even better.
1:17:09 Speaker 02 Yeah?
1:17:09 Trevor Noah? Because nobody is being a dad by mistake. Think about it.
1:17:14 Speaker 01 So you're not allowed to impregnate anyone?
1:17:16 Trevor Noah? You can't, not allowed, you can't in my world.
1:17:18 Speaker 01 It's impossible. The only time.
1:17:19 Trevor Noah? So, okay, I didn't want, I didn't want to reveal the secrets because it's patented, it's patented technology, it's not sterilization. So we have a patented technology that we use when children are born.
1:17:28 Speaker 02 You see, this is already a technology.
1:17:29 Trevor Noah? We have a technology when children are born. We have a way to turn off your reproduction so that like when you're living, you're living. The same way like people get, you know.
1:17:38 Speaker 01 Vasectomies and then they reverse them.
1:17:39 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but we do that like from the time you're born, it's done. So you don't even have to worry about it. And then when you're ready to have kids, we come and we do a thing and we like make it happen.
1:17:47 Speaker 01 And then you, you shoot into something and then that can then get distributed across the world.
1:17:52 Trevor Noah? Exactly. So my counter to you is actually in my world, there would be fewer absentee fathers. So there would be less chaos because now the men who are choosing to be fathers are choosing. The women who are choosing to be mothers would be choosing. And I would rather be in a world where people who want kids have more kids because they want them. And the people who don't have fewer kids because they don't want them. And I think that would still average out because people, it's entropy, it always happens.
1:18:17 Speaker 02 No, the idea, the idea is a noble one.
1:18:20 Trevor Noah? So I don't, so I think it would be fewer. I love that you said absentee fathers. In my world, there would be fewer absentee fathers.
1:18:25 Speaker 01 There would be no absentee fathers because.
1:18:26 Trevor Noah? Yeah, but you never know. People get divorced and stuff. You can't force things. I'm not gonna now force you.
1:18:30 Speaker 01 Oh, really? You can't force things?
1:18:31 Trevor Noah? No, no, no. Remember, you're forcing one thing at a time. If I ruled the world, you do one thing at a time.
1:18:36 Speaker 02 I'm ready to vote.
1:18:37 Trevor Noah? I can't do everything at once. Then it's not a fun game.
1:18:39 Speaker 02 I'm ready to vote.
1:18:40 Trevor Noah? Just one thing.
1:18:42 Speaker 02 I'm voting out.
1:18:43 Trevor Noah? You said no long ago, bruh.
1:18:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:18:45 Trevor Noah? You said no when I started the sentence.
1:18:46 Speaker 02 Like you were trying to convince me of like you haven't won me over.
1:18:49 Speaker 01 If I didn't have the, the experience of raising my son and the person that he is and seeing myself so much in him and you know, I, I would have.
1:18:57 Trevor Noah? I'm gonna throw one thing at you.
1:18:59 Speaker 01 Go for it.
1:18:59 Speaker 02 Come to Caesar Corp for the originals, baby. Selling originals.
1:19:03 Trevor Noah? You can't be a corporation doing crime.
1:19:06 Speaker 02 This guy's gonna be a corporation doing crime.
1:19:07 Trevor Noah? No.
1:19:08 Speaker 02 Immobiliare.
1:19:09 Trevor Noah? So, what if, this is a genuine question, theoretical. What if tomorrow you found out that somehow, I like her wasn't of you?
1:19:20 Trevor Noah? Do you think it would take away all those one percents?
1:19:23 Speaker 02 It wouldn't, but she'd still be disappointed.
1:19:24 Speaker 01 It wouldn't, but it would question the rest of the one percents for the rest of our lives.
1:19:28 Speaker 02 Yo.
1:19:28 Speaker 01 And he's only ten. That's a long time to be questioning.
1:19:31 Trevor Noah? Okay.
1:19:32 Speaker 02 Even him.
1:19:32 Speaker 01 I would definitely like to.
1:19:34 Trevor Noah? Okay, I'm with you.
1:19:36 Speaker 01 This is a completely emotional decision where I'm just like, mm, you know what?
1:19:39 Trevor Noah? I'm with you. So you, so you.
1:19:40 Speaker 02 You mean well, though, like I said.
1:19:42 Trevor Noah? Yours is a no.
1:19:43 Speaker 01 A- a- and also because I see how much I can love my friends' kids and like my sister's.
1:19:48 Trevor Noah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:19:49 Speaker 01 So that's why, I'm, I'm not saying that I am void of loving somebody who did, who wasn't birthed by me.
1:19:53 Trevor Noah? Yes.
1:19:54 Speaker 01 I'm not void of that, but I'm.
1:19:55 Trevor Noah? But selfishly. No, and I appreciate that.
1:19:58 Speaker 01 Selfishly, I'm going to say no.
1:20:00 Trevor Noah? Okay, and Sizwe, what's your no based on?
1:20:03 Speaker 02 Everything. It's just a horrible idea. It means well, but this would never work. Just a no.
1:20:08 Trevor Noah? It's not about, you're saying no for you, why?
1:20:11 Speaker 02 The only reason to have a kid are selfish reasons. Now, people can go left, right, forward and back and try and explain to you that it's for something else. There's no other reason except that. Selfish reasons.
1:20:22 Trevor Noah? Okay.
1:20:23 Speaker 02 And what you're asking of people is to be selfless with the most, I guess, the biggest sacrifice. Cause children are also a sacrifice and a burden.
1:20:30 Speaker 01 Every day.
1:20:31 Speaker 02 I use these words. I use these words and I know parents are gonna be like, children are a blessing. They are, but a blessing can also be a burden.
1:20:40 Trevor Noah? Okay, so double no.
1:20:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:20:43 Trevor Noah? Well, I'm used to it. Uh, that means.
1:20:45 Speaker 02 I can see why.
1:20:46 Trevor Noah? At the end of, you know why? Cause I swing for the fences, guys. That's why. Great ideas. Do you remember when the iPhone first came out? Remember what people said? Who would buy a phone without a keyboard? That's what people said. What a stupid idea. Me, guys, I'm here to invent iPhones. I'm not here to come with small, small things, but, uh, but, uh, I lost once again.
1:21:07 Speaker 02 Oh, boy.
1:21:08 Trevor Noah? Well, congratulations, Anel. Your first time at bat and you've won.
1:21:14 Trevor Noah? So, thank you very much for joining once again.
1:21:17 Speaker 01 If I rule the world.
1:21:23 Trevor Noah? What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin, and Jodi Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackel. Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music, mixing, and mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now.
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