MBMBaM 776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025

It’s your favorite podcast with the most respectable brothers! Why, yes, we do look bigger and beard-ier today, almost like football players, thank you for noticing. Oh, you like our bracelets? They’re made of wives. Stay tuned for Travis’s special album announcement, which is fully unrelated to that other one you may have heard about! Suggested talking points: Make it Not a Number, Gotta Juggle Those Donuts, Cannot See Us Without Microscopy, Bookazines, I Want to Think About Tooth Stuff, Be Nice About My Boyfriend's Podcast, For the Eyes You Pay Extra, Altar-Callback World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy Brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:21Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, sweet baby brother, the 30 and 30 Griffin McElroy.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  Now, we had a fun night at the McElroy household last night because we were all excited for the announcement of Taylor Swift's new album.

• 1:37Travis McElroy?

  And

• 1:38Griffin McElroy?

  The name of it, and the name of it is?

• 1:40Travis McElroy?

  The name of it is Diary of a Showgirl. So The Life of a Showgirl. Life of a Showgirl's Diary. So we, I watched this

• 1:48Griffin McElroy?

  Sisterhood of the Traveling Showgirls.

• 1:51Travis McElroy?

  Showgirls, too. I wanted to be, we all wanted to be part of this zeitgeist in my house and we, we, we love Taylor Swift, so our friends John and Craig and Autumn and Dez and everybody came over and we watched the event. Now, the event in question was of special interest to me because it was a podcast hosted by brothers.

• 2:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:06Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Okay.

• 2:08Griffin McElroy?

  And that shit usually gets you foaming at the mouth.

• 2:12Travis McElroy?

  I love it.

• 2:14Griffin McElroy?

  Justin.

• 2:15Travis McElroy?

  No, Griffin, actually, you're confused because I love it.

• 2:20Griffin McElroy?

  We love it when other, other brothers, other than us, fucking come in.

• 2:24Travis McElroy?

  Including Travis. I will say this, Griffin, if I don't love it right now, the tone of the next few minutes might be unpleasant.

• 2:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so you got it.

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  So let's just say that I love it.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:35Travis McElroy?

  Okay, is that all right?

• 2:36Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no, you love it.

• 2:37Travis McElroy?

  I did not know prior to this that one could use podcasts to announce information about upcoming albums.

• 2:46Griffin McElroy?

  Podcasts can't be news. Like, that's the one thing I have felt so safe and secure saying, whatever the fuck I want on here, because I have been promised time and time again, podcasts can't be news. You can't get news from podcasts.

• 2:59Travis McElroy?

  See, that's what I thought too, but then Travis and his brother, not Travis, they absolutely, like, changed the game.

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  They had a huge.

• 3:07Travis McElroy?

  They changed the game of football with the way they played it. Actually, I, I not for joke, last night at one point was standing on our couch saying, this can't be a podcast. I make podcasts.

• 3:20Griffin McElroy?

  It can't be the same thing. No way.

• 3:22Travis McElroy?

  But I wanna, I'm never too old to learn something new. You know, this old dog can still learn a new trick. And I, I wanna start, like, I wanna learn it to be the masters. I'm so glad, Justin, I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm excited to announce the information about my new album.

• 3:41Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 3:42Travis McElroy?

  Life of a Show.

• 3:42Griffin McElroy?

  This is fun.

• 3:43Travis McElroy?

  Life of a Showgirl 2, but it's T. Oh, a sequel. It's T O O.

• 3:48Griffin McElroy?

  Right, so to really maximize the.

• 3:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the full title is Life of a Showgirl T O O Travis Version.

• 3:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:57Travis McElroy?

  ska, punk, and sensual hits.

• 4:00Griffin McElroy?

  Skunk, I think you mean, is how you would portmanteau those.

• 4:03Travis McElroy?

  They're separate. There's commas in between. ska, punk.

• 4:06Griffin McElroy?

  Each alternating track.

• 4:07Travis McElroy?

  Can I get through the full title?

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so sorry, it's just so long.

• 4:11Travis McElroy?

  Life of a Showgirl 2 Travis Version, ska, punk, and sensual hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s, and today.

• 4:18Griffin McElroy?

  What's, why, why skip the 70s and the 90s?

• 4:22Travis McElroy?

  Couldn't, couldn't get those rights. Couldn't be bothered.

• 4:25Griffin McElroy?

  To the decades?

• 4:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:26Griffin McElroy?

  So also, why have you decided not to be the Travis character? That seems like the cleanest.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  I'm already. I'm already the Travis character?

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  I see, okay.

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Taylor Swift was being the Travis character on their podcast.

• 4:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:41Travis McElroy?

  So, what, uh, to explore Travis's new album, I, uh, in an effort to try to learn from what will almost certainly be the most popular, most listened to podcast in all of human history, I have just taken the exact questions, literally verbatim, that were asked of Taylor Swift in last night's interview by Captain Haddock from 1010. I'm sorry, I'm, uh, Jason, Jason Kelsey? I'm sorry. I was like, I had a wrong tab open. I'm sorry. That's weird. Justin, I'm not sure. Honest mistake. Honest mistake. A wrong tab. I've been reading about 1010 earlier.

• 5:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's gonna take me weeks to decipher whether or not that was a burn or just kind of a harmless compare.

• 5:24Travis McElroy?

  Might be a compliment.

• 5:25Griffin McElroy?

  It could be a compliment. I guess so.

• 5:27Travis McElroy?

  Uh, so, so, uh, are you ready for our interview?

• 5:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Well, Justin, you've sent me some quotes also to sort of pepper in here. Mine don't seem quite as germane to...

• 5:38Travis McElroy?

  Travis Kelsey was also on the show, and he is Taylor's boyfriend, and he also talked, but he was not the interviewer and he was not the subject. He was just kind of a color commentator. So I've sent you some color that you can add at your ledger. I think it's great that he maintained journalistic integrity by not interviewing her. There's obviously a bias, because they are boyfriend and G friend.

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  And Jason really put the fucking screws to her. I'll tell you that much. Didn't let her escape by without talking about her jet.

• 6:08Travis McElroy?

  All right, Travis. Yeah? One of my favorite things, uh, this summer was Travis reclaiming his masters. His recording of his first six albums finally became his, and you haven't really talked about it. You made this beautiful post on all your social channels thanking everyone that that made it happen and everything. But why don't you tell, tell the 92%ers how it really felt.

• 6:32Griffin McElroy?

  Bigger, stronger voice juice. I'm so sorry, but like, the delivery's great and you're getting all the words right, but I think part of what makes it so zeitgeisty is he's fucking huge. And so the sounds he makes are so deep and resonant, and people love to hear that.

• 6:46Travis McElroy?

  But why don't you, uh, tell the 92%? Or so it really felt. To reclaim my masters. Well, I got my masters in um, science, all of it. Um, just so it's like a hundred masters there, but then I got the masters back for all my previous albums. Um, and it felt good, but then I listened to them and they weren't good like the, the, the masters were kind of bad in retrospect.

• 7:14Griffin McElroy?

  Come on, babe. Oh, come on, babe.

• 7:19Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, come on, babe. Not like that. Come on, babe. You did great.

• 7:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they were just all so fast. I didn't realize how fast they were. I sound like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks. But. Time for more question?

• 7:33Griffin McElroy?

  I have a, I have a question. Babe, can I ask a question?

• 7:37Travis McElroy?

  Sure, Travis.

• 7:39Griffin McElroy?

  I want.

• 7:41Griffin McElroy?

  I want a wild otter so bad. I just want to like find these little creatures.

• 7:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I know. You bring that up a lot. Um, mostly in the bedroom and I understand that, baby. Thank you. We'll work on that later. Do you have a favorite thing from the era's tour? My favorite thing from the era's tour?

• 8:02Travis McElroy?

  Um, that would be, well, I request local donuts in the green room. Um, I say, give me the best local donuts. And then I, and then I juggle them.

• 8:17Griffin McElroy?

  Baby gotta juggle those donuts.

• 8:19Travis McElroy?

  Well, I gotta amuse all the otters that Travis brings into the green room and then.

• 8:24Griffin McElroy?

  Wants one specifically whose life I saved, who knows that I saved his life. I guess that's in reference to the otters from before. Okay, great.

• 8:33Travis McElroy?

  Now let's talk about something I don't know. Okay. What is numerology?

• 8:39Griffin McElroy?

  You don't know.

• 8:39Travis McElroy?

  You threw that phrase out there like that's a common. What is numerology?

• 8:45Griffin McElroy?

  You don't know what numerology is. That's a direct quote. I don't know if it's directed at Taylor. Probably not. I doubt he would ever fucking Dane.

• 8:53Travis McElroy?

  That's the power of numbers and their significance. Um, like one is the loneliest number. Uh, that you'll ever see. Seven is of course up. Um, 13, if 13 people sit down at a table, the first one to stand up is going to be the next one to die. Basic stuff like that. You get it, right?

• 9:16Griffin McElroy?

  That's right. We won't have dinner with more than eight people just to give us a margin of error. Yeah. Cause if five people sit down and I stand up, I'm not trying to die from a witch's curse.

• 9:26Travis McElroy?

  I don't know where to.

• 9:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's awful.

• 9:29Travis McElroy?

  Where I don't know where to go from here. Now, what?

• 9:35Travis McElroy?

  How many countries did you do on the tour?

• 9:37Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. Um, good fucking good fucking Google it, bro. Fuck. You can fucking easily Google that information, brother.

• 9:47Griffin McElroy?

  Don't waste my wife's time. I mean, girlfriend. What? No.

• 9:51Travis McElroy?

  An announcement is here on great heights, guys. You're in here first. Secret marriage.

• 9:58Griffin McElroy?

  I'm here. I'm here to announce Travis's even next album after that.

• 10:03Travis McElroy?

  I tell you, hey Travis.

• 10:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  How do you go about like knowing how to do an Easter egg? I don't even know.

• 10:13Griffin McElroy?

  Great question.

• 10:14Travis McElroy?

  Where does that process start? Are you like, well?

• 10:21Griffin McElroy?

  Is that the end of it?

• 10:23Travis McElroy?

  That's a great question, Jason. I start by using the wax crayon they provide. And I colored little shapes on it. That way the dye won't permeate the shell at that point. And then I dip a little bit of the egg in one color. Flip it over, dip it in a different color. And then inside the egg, I hide secrets about uh, merch that's coming out and like upcoming uh, announcements and stuff like that inside the Easter eggs. And then I hide them all over the continental US. And you have to find them and eat them to learn the information.

• 10:59Griffin McElroy?

  And this is a fun, this is another fun numerology thing is that Travis told me that if I even decorate one egg, the number one, I'll die. So I'm not allowed to decorate any of the eggs because she said it's another numerology curse.

• 11:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we've been able to use uh, the power of numerology to determine all the different ways Travis Kelsey could die. And help him avoid those. It's a lot.

• 11:24Griffin McElroy?

  I know. I know I look tough, but I'm a, I'm a weenie man.

• 11:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, death already has it out for Travis Kelsey. All right. Favorite, favorite thing. I'm sorry about the weenie man thing. If you ever heard this, he'd be pissed and he's huge. So I'm sorry about the weenie man thing. All right. Favorite, favorite thing about the era's tour was besides going to it. And just like being like amazed at everything. I mean, I was on, I think I was on another podcast recently, just like all the songs. All the like, everything you just talked about where it changes so much.

• 11:59Travis McElroy?

  There's something new every twenty, thirty seconds. It was incredible. The nonstop length of it. But I will, I'm gonna be remiss if I don't say, one of the things I loved is watching Griffin McRoy get on that stage. Yeah. The man in the tuxedo.

• 12:16Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. The fans have, the fans have their own show, literally, right? It was, I, I remember being in Gelsenkirn, Germany. If you say it with a German accent, it probably sounds more like the actual city, but okay. My American accent is Gelsenkirn, Gelsenkirn.

• 12:35Griffin McElroy?

  And I remember seeing that part of the show and they were literally doing circles and like putting the orbs up in the air and passing them to each other like they were performing.

• 12:44Travis McElroy?

  Yep. I remember that. That was.

• 12:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I remember the orbs very clearly. I actually during that segment teleported away for a brief period.

• 12:55Griffin McElroy?

  That's when I appear on set. You teleport, you say, here comes the weenie man.

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, well, I worked with Nikola Tesla to develop that technology. And that's actually how I'm able to make so many amazing transitions is when the orbs appear. I clone and the other tailor drops into a vat of acid. And I teleport across the stage in a different costume.

• 13:21Griffin McElroy?

  And you never know, babe, you never know which one you're gonna, you're never gonna be.

• 13:26Travis McElroy?

  Haunts me. It haunts me.

• 13:28Griffin McElroy?

  One of the orbs hit me in the chest and it was terribly hot.

• 13:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no, that will happen.

• 13:34Griffin McElroy?

  I asked you, babe, why they had to be so hot? And you said for the show.

• 13:37Travis McElroy?

  For the show, Nikola Tesla designed them that way. And I did warn you about the orbs, because that's one of the ways you could die.

• 13:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Did you learn anything throughout the like, is there anything at the end of the tour when you were wrapping up? That you wish you'd been doing the whole time? Do differently now that the entire tour is wrapped up? I wish we had disposed of all the Taylor clone bodies at the time they were created. We waited till the ends. And it was. You converted most of them to bracelets. Yeah, and they sold very well. Yeah, they sold very well. But when you're faced with thousands and thousands and thousands of Taylor clone bodies to deal with. Insurmountable. We should have just dealt with them one at a time because we use about 500 per show.

• 14:30Griffin McElroy?

  And I love them all. I love all my bracelet wives.

• 14:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:34Griffin McElroy?

  Every one of them.

• 14:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a thing. Travis, one last question for you. Of course. How many people, this actually for both of you guys? How many people have come up to you guys in talking about or spoken about how much they've appreciated you? Being a part of the Chiefs and like their daughters, all of a sudden being into sports. Cause I get it all the time. I can't imagine how much you guys get it.

• 15:04Griffin McElroy?

  Not once.

• 15:05Travis McElroy?

  How much the game has grown? I, I cannot walk down the street without being stopped and being thanked for being a member of the Chiefs team. Um, when they put me in a safety, no one thought I was going to be able to do it. They said, what? That's not how it works. But then I scored all the points.

• 15:25Griffin McElroy?

  12.

• 15:26Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 15:27Griffin McElroy?

  Be, uh, I had no idea that was, yeah, that was a pleasant surprise seeing all the little girls in the stands at games. And you could see a proud father right there standing next to them. It's, it's a, it's, it's definitely been fun to see that like surprise.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  So anyways, look for the life of a showgirl two Travis version, ska punk. And sensual hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s, and today coming out October 3rd.

• 15:59Griffin McElroy?

  October when?

• 16:00Travis McElroy?

  Third.

• 16:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh no, that's one of, sorry Travis, no.

• 16:06Griffin McElroy?

  It's one of the numbers. Delay it babe. Delay it to not a number. Make it come out not a number. Make it on Christmas.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  Make it on, make it on Arbor Day. Do it on a leap year babe for me. I'll die otherwise. Well. My husband accompanied me to the doctor recently. As he waited for me, he read one of the waiting room magazines. Later that day, he discovered that he had accidentally put the magazine in his bag and take it at home. Fuck yeah. He is adamant about returning the magazine as soon as possible, but I'm on the side of keeping the magazine and avoiding the awkwardness of coming in to return a magazine that will sure surely replace. Brothers, what should we do? That's from pilfering patients in Palm Beach County. They won't replace it. Huh.

• 16:50Griffin McElroy?

  They won't replace it. The crime you've done. Don't like try to assuage your guilt by convincing yourself like this is a victimless crime. There's been a victim and a perpetrator who is here.

• 17:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm not saying. There is a crime. There's a crime. Hmm. I don't know about all that, but I am saying that the idea that they would be like, oh, that week old People magazine is gone. Don't rest until we find another copy.

• 17:15Griffin McElroy?

  Unless it's a fucking like limited edition commemorative Batman returns.

• 17:21Travis McElroy?

  Okay. You're a hundred percent. This is a hundred percent the issue, right? Because when I was growing up, magazines were cheap. They're disposable. You know what I mean? You could get, they came out every week. Entertainment Weekly came out every week. There was a new one and then you'd throw the old one in the frigging garbage, right? Yeah. But these days, you gotta think about bookazines. That's the biggest fastest growing segment of publishing and when you're talking about periodicals and those things have a shelf life of 18 months. So you may have just stolen something that was supposed to be.

• 17:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's a coffee table. That is an aesthetic choice.

• 17:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Bound coffee table volume. If we're talking. Glossy, full color photography. It is bound on a high quality stock. If we're talking a Nat Geo deep dive into the tomb of King Ty. If we're talking a Time magazine full like this is James Dean's whole deal. Take that back. Other people need that.

• 18:15Griffin McElroy?

  But if it's a Highlights.

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  It's a Highlights. You've already solved the picture search.

• 18:21Griffin McElroy?

  Highlights is barely a magazine.

• 18:23Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys think that they missed, I'm using the collective they, you understand? Uh, the publishing industry, I guess, missed a trick because I feel like. When the writing was on the wall for the magazine industry, they should have started zooming in a lot faster. Sure. If there was a magazine at this point, because the market is so narrowed, if there was a magazine just called like, what the fuck is happening in this waiting room? And it's just about like, different games for waiting rooms, like different like things in this like, secrets about the waiting room you are in. Yeah, that would be incredible. Very targeted about like, cool ways to wait for the, this is the only time I'm gonna be thinking about my teeth. Get me now, you know what I mean?

• 19:07Travis McElroy?

  I wanna, I wanna think about tooth stuff. What really goes on in the dentist's room? Yeah. Interviews with, interviews with the people on a TV screen who are like doing commercials for Invisalign while you're in the waiting room for the dentist's office. There should be a chart in everyone that says, how bad is this gonna hurt? Seriously. And like, look it up, like, actually, it's pretty bad, they're lying. Oh, but here's the problem, Justin. Already, it's gonna be totally eaten up by online publishing. Cause if I could get an up to date, like up to the minute story that's like, another guy walks into the waiting room and a story populates, it's like, what's up with that guy's hair? And I can read a story right then.

• 19:48Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta be plugged into Sochi and like to follow the, the events of the waiting room.

• 19:55Travis McElroy?

  Not, yeah, and then, but then the problem, the problem with any of this like targeted thing is it's gonna become more and more political. Yeah. More and more fractious, and then you're gonna have like right wing magazines on the right side of the room that are like, Yeah. The new door mat is wasn't really made in America. It'll get more and more targeted.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  Well, they don't, they don't give, they don't give a fuck about that. But it'd be something like, look at that guy over there, how, how crazy, huh? Something, something more along those lines.

• 20:20Travis McElroy?

  Teeth are woke. I'm glad you, eh, Griffin, I'm glad you overruled what I said to the layer on. Look at that guy, how crazy. That was good, Griff. Nice, nice, a little.

• 20:30Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I would like something to calm me down in the waiting room book. I don't know what that looks like. Maybe an aromatic aromatherapy element to it, a page or a, a, a sample of some sort that will bliss me out just a little bit.

• 20:48Travis McElroy?

  Like a perfume sample in the magazine?

• 20:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but one that's been like, one that'll calm me down.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, like an aromatherapy, a little bit of oil to dab underneath the lip.

• 20:58Griffin McElroy?

  That's, yeah, that's all I'm saying. Maybe a little bead so it can like survive the transit and it's like a little bead.

• 21:04Travis McElroy?

  They used to do that with Cologne where they'd print it on the, which I never thought could have been a very good sort of representation of the Cologne experience, right? To print it onto the magazine page.

• 21:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  Rub the stinky page on your face like that's Axe. Now, here's what I'm thinking.

• 21:20Griffin McElroy?

  Go ahead, Trav.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  My children go to a dentist where at the end of the experience, they get a token that they can, I know, that they can place in a toke, in a gashabom machine and get a toy. What if, what if all the magazines are kept behind the counter and the promise is like, hey, if you do a good job in there, if you're a good like dental patient boy.

• 21:43Griffin McElroy?

  You get to take a magazine home?

• 21:44Travis McElroy?

  You get to have one of these magazines and you can take it home and then people will see you like on the bus home, reading the magazine and they're like, he was good at the dentist. He did, he didn't bite the dentist at all this time.

• 21:56Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that a magazine is going to get me in the door as much as I love magazines. I do love the idea of, of adult prizes, just in general, but especially for going to the dentist. I am a bit overdue for an appointment and I've really been dragging my heels. But if I was able to drag my heels in a new pair of Heelys that they would provide me as I walked out the door, God knows I'm paying enough for, for this service. Throw in some rolling shoes at the end.

• 22:20Travis McElroy?

  Isn't it interesting how we as a society have made it so adding the word adult before a thing makes it seem a little XXX? The second you're like, adult prizes.

• 22:31Griffin McElroy?

  Adult prizes feel so, um, unsexual to me.

• 22:36Travis McElroy?

  What about mature prizes?

• 22:39Griffin McElroy?

  Well, that, okay, now you're, I don't like that, but adult prizes.

• 22:43Travis McElroy?

  Prizes for grandads.

• 22:45Griffin McElroy?

  A Costco, a Costco, a renewed Costco membership.

• 22:49Travis McElroy?

  Caseful prizes.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  When you walk out the door.

• 22:50Travis McElroy?

  Elegant prizes.

• 22:52Griffin McElroy?

  Elegant prizes.

• 22:53Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  I'll come, I'm gonna come do, do your dishes for you. Adult prizes.

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  Oh, like coupon for a free back row?

• 23:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, stuff like that. Maybe they let you get in there with, in their teeth.

• 23:04Travis McElroy?

  I think if I go to the dentist enough times, and it would have to be a pretty big punch card, but on like the 30th visit, it should be like, you've got it by now, you get a turn on, like, you can work on the dentist's teeth.

• 23:17Griffin McElroy?

  The prize could be you get to skip your next one. You get to skip your next appointment. That could be cool, too.

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  It drives me crazy when they're doing the dentist stuff and they're talking to me and I can't use my gift, you know?

• 23:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 23:29Travis McElroy?

  Like, I can't share my gift with them.

• 23:31Griffin McElroy?

  I make them knock me clean, clean the fuck out. If they're doing anything in my mouth, they have to incapacitate me, because I'll talk and I'll bite.

• 23:37Travis McElroy?

  I tend to get more broad, because I can't, you can't really get a lot of like thinking material in when someone's like elbow deep. So I tend to get kind of like Roman Ag, because there's a lot more like facial expressions like, oh, oh, oh, like when they ask. I just assume that's how dentists.

• 23:52Griffin McElroy?

  Not that, they will ask you to leave.

• 23:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I think that's how dentists get their sick kicks. The power trip of asking you questions and knowing you can't answer. It's a control thing, they're high on power, they know. They know I can't talk, so that's why I bite them, and then I talk anyways. You know what I mean? To reestablish.

• 24:12Griffin McElroy?

  You don't do that. You don't, you don't do that. I would have heard about it if you did that. There's no way you do that, man.

• 24:18Travis McElroy?

  I don't do it. You're right, Griffin.

• 24:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no.

• 24:20Travis McElroy?

  I've never.

• 24:21Griffin McElroy?

  This is the difference between us and the Kelseys and Tay, is like, that was an hour, I think, I don't know, I didn't watch it, of like pure honesty and authenticity. And I, I just feel like you'd move us further away from the light of, when you lie like that.

• 24:36Travis McElroy?

  Of Christ?

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, but also of.

• 24:39Travis McElroy?

  No, like, I'm thinking mainstream relevance.

• 24:43Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah, that's the kind of, cause like, they are brothers doing a podcast. You know how close?

• 24:51Griffin McElroy?

  And like, they hooked them with the Taylor stuff and the announcement stuff. They also probably were cognizant of the fact that this is the first episode of our show. A lot of people are listening to. We can't tell lies about who we do and don't bite. Like, we have to keep it pretty legit because now this episode is the onboarding for everyone who came here for the one thing. So let's not, like, let's drop our best shit. Let's drop, I want to rescue a sea otter and have it and steal and take it. Let's drop numerology. Like, hit them with the, the heavy hitters, but don't lie, but just try to watch.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  Don't lie about biting. But I gotta say, I will say one thing that I really respect is that for the rest of the great heights for us 92 percenters, they kept it real. Like, it still felt like our show.

• 25:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:33Travis McElroy?

  That we love.

• 25:34Griffin McElroy?

  Very much so.

• 25:35Travis McElroy?

  Us and me and the fans were like, we were worried that Taylor would upset the delicate balance of the show that we have come to really rely on in the, in the months since they got into it. And I.

• 25:46Griffin McElroy?

  What do you get, what do you get out of them on the episodes Taylor's not on, Juice?

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  Well, man, the insights are huge, but what's cool is you get guys on there who, and I mean, I just, I get guys on there who are usually a little more buttoned up.

• 26:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:03Travis McElroy?

  But because they're with, um.

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  He's Goofles.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  Boyfriend and Captain.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  They like, they can like relax a little bit. So like, you might have Bill Murray on there and you and Bill Murray might start doing prank calls.

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  Chopping it up, yeah.

• 26:18Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Just like silly stuff like that. Like get Ryan Reynolds and maybe you get him doing prank calls as Deadpool. You know what I mean? But it's like more. It's nice to see Ryan Reynolds let loose.

• 26:29Griffin McElroy?

  Getting back out there.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Hey, one other thing I wanted to say about that stream, cause I watched all of it. And this is. Another huge shout out from the 92 percenters to Taylor. Just gotta keep it real because we were worried she would upset the apple cart. She is a true fan. She is a listener herself. I love that. She knew some of the stingers and some of the bits. She actually like knew the show pretty well and she had said she listens to every episode and I guess the ball's in your court, Sydney. But, I mean, really?

• 27:01Travis McElroy?

  Taylor Swift listens to that podcast.

• 27:07Travis McElroy?

  If I

• 27:08Griffin McElroy?

  These dudes are so huge and they will boot our asses graveyard dead. I do not know that I

• 27:13Travis McElroy?

  They couldn't, they couldn't perceive us. You know why it's called Great Heights? Because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy. Like an ant challenging a human adult, Griffin. Like it, yeah. No, like a, like a spore. Do you think The gods care about our blasphemy, Griffin?

• 27:36Travis McElroy?

  Do you think the wind cares when I shake my fists? If I scream at the sun. The sun that kills thieves. The sun does not scream back.

• 27:47Travis McElroy?

  The sun does not, I do not burn the sun.

• 27:51Griffin McElroy?

  They would have to bust up

• 27:52Travis McElroy?

  The sun burns me.

• 27:53Griffin McElroy?

  Their special jeweler's loop just to see us scurrying about.

• 27:57Travis McElroy?

  And they'd chuckle.

• 27:59Griffin McElroy?

  They would chuckle.

• 28:00Travis McElroy?

  I just feel shitty because they have taken their podcast, they have, they have parlayed it into NFL success. And you're being puff stars. And it's like, what are we doing with our podcasts? Nothing. I didn't even know that that was an option. You know what I mean? That I could parlay anything we've done into a sports career?

• 28:21Griffin McElroy?

  See, I, out of this whole situation, I feel best for the Green Brothers because like so far we have been the blade against which they sharpen their own katana in combat. And we have really not been able to provide much of a whetstone, so to speak. Now they have this new brother competition that they can, you know, cha- chase at. They haven't been able to chase us for a while because they've been so far ahead.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  One interesting difference also with the Green Brothers and us is that this event will not make them insane.

• 28:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean?

• 28:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

• 28:52Travis McElroy?

  It won't, the existence of it won't make them temper Rarely insane. I think our best hope, our best hope is that we somehow enter into a, a multidirectional feud between us, the Kelsey brothers and the Green brothers. And we let the Green brothers and the Kelsey brothers duke it out enough.

• 29:10Travis McElroy?

  I would like my children's children to be able to find my name written down somewhere in history, Travis. I'd rather not be scorched from living memory. But if we let them duke it out long enough while we hide.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  Not gonna happen, Travis.

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  In the shadows, then he can swoop in right at the end and maybe have a chance.

• 29:28Griffin McElroy?

  This reservoir dog standoff is us in the corner guns akimbo while the Greens do their own thing and the Kelseys do their own thing. And we're like, fucking, just think about it.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  This is Travis casting us exactly where we belong. Master of the house.

• 29:44Travis McElroy?

  Anything that falls from his grody beard. Um, listen, how about another?

• 29:50Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know. Maybe we go to money zone.

• 29:52Travis McElroy?

  It's a money zone?

• 29:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 29:54Travis McElroy?

  Sure.

• 29:55Griffin McElroy?

  Do they get money for their?

• 29:56Travis McElroy?

  It's script. It's script.

• 30:04Travis McElroy?

  Casper just backs up Faberge eggs. Just a batch full of virgin blood.

• 30:20Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace. Yeah, yeah, listen, if you have a dream, it's never too late to start realizing it. You could start your new podcast any many of ways. One of the ways you can kick off as a relaunch would be to have Taylor Swift on your podcast. Another way would be to launch a website for your podcast. Maybe that's another approach. Might be a little more sustainable, honestly. Maybe have Taylor Swift launch a website for you. Yeah.

• 30:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, if she was gonna make me a website, I do hope she would use Squarespace.

• 30:49Travis McElroy?

  What if she becomes so into the limelight of announcing things on podcasts? That she's on every podcast announcing everything. Now granted, we're far down the list, but if I could get her on our podcast announcing anything, I'd be so excited. Now Travis, don't say that because I, Taylor on the episode said that it was her first podcast appearance, but it's the first time she's been asked. Which seems unlikely, but I do have to own my part in that. I haven't done it. I did not have the guts, you know? I didn't reach out. Fair. I didn't ask. I'm gonna say, open door. Open door.

• 31:27Griffin McElroy?

  I wouldn't show up. I'd be sick that day, guys.

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  I think we could start, if, I think if we started a, like, I briefly flitted across my mind, like, the McElroy brothers will interview Taylor Swift, and I, in my head, I was like, the McElroy brothers will be, like, arrested and sent to

• 31:42Griffin McElroy?

  Will embarrass themselves.

• 31:43Travis McElroy?

  Like, will be sent to jail, like, will be sent to jail for 30 years and, like, no one will ever even think about it.

• 31:48Griffin McElroy?

  It'll be like a whole thing.

• 31:49Travis McElroy?

  But you know who always does it good, John? Squarespace.

• 31:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace, sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:57Griffin McElroy?

  Like, I guess in summary, we're fuckups. We're worth it. And go ahead with Squarespace.

• 32:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm getting more worried about getting beat up by one of those strong football guys because they wouldn't even have to do it themselves. They know, like, retired football guys. But you know what? Squarespace lets you do it yourself.

• 32:12Travis McElroy?

  With, with great tools that anyone can use. You don't need, uh, you need neither brains nor brawn to use Squarespace. Because they have world-class designers that are making templates that you can plug your own photos, urine information into, and it's gonna look like a pro made it. It's like a real website and everything. So, head on over to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now, maybe you find yourself, like, in, just for example, where you've been talking a lot about two meaty men. And then they came and found you and beat you up real good.

• 32:55Travis McElroy?

  And now you need a doctor, fast.

• 32:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:59Travis McElroy?

  You need a doctor right now.

• 33:00Griffin McElroy?

  Special doctor for football ass whippings. Also, also, you've recently become, due to a rather unpleasant first half of a podcast,

• 33:07Travis McElroy?

  you've recently become radioactive and no one really wants to help you.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Travis McElroy?

  So you've moved, you've had to move multiple times. You're in a new place and you need a doctor fast because the mean men found you. No matter how hard you try to hide and they will always find you.

• 33:23Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, or maybe you've just moved to a new city and you don't know any doctors there and you need to fill out your network of healthcare providers. Um, Zocdoc is, I will say personally speaking, great for that. So I found all, all my, all my folks here in DC. I guess if you were on the lam from the Podcast Brothers, um, it would also be good for you because I don't think they ask you that in like the questionnaire, like, are you being hu- are, excuse me, are you being hunted by football players?

• 33:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Griffin McElroy?

  But Zocdoc is a free-

• 33:51Travis McElroy?

  Geniuses, really, I, football.

• 33:53Griffin McElroy?

  Football geniuses. It's a free, Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors across every specialty and click to instantly book an appointment. It seriously is, uh, super duper easy. Like, uh, in the last couple of months, uh, I've, I've used Zocdoc a few times to find some, some specialists for myself and my family and it's super, super easy and fast. Uh, I don't know what else to say.

• 34:17Travis McElroy?

  He's probably understating it. Griffin's medical maladies are so fast and frequent.

• 34:21Griffin McElroy?

  It's pretty true. Oh, oh, it's, uh, yeah, it's, uh, I'm, I'm plugging holes on the Titanic.

• 34:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, important medical update. I can't believe-

• 34:29Griffin McElroy?

  I think, I think Titanic actually just had the one big hole.

• 34:31Travis McElroy?

  One big hole. Griffin, how did your allergy test turn out? Yeah, Griffin.

• 34:36Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, guys, I'm so, so, so glad you asked. Uh, fine. Nothing, nothing, there was a, um, there's a foaming agent that I had a minor positive reaction to, but it could have just been something that was already there. I am, they said, unkillable.

• 34:53Travis McElroy?

  Okay, now wait, hold on, Griffin.

• 34:57Travis McElroy?

  So I didn't want to, I mean, obviously I wanted to refrain from bullying.

• 35:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 35:04Travis McElroy?

  The results were in, and I think Travis probably felt the same way, I think.

• 35:08Griffin McElroy?

  But now that you know that it's.

• 35:10Travis McElroy?

  But now that, well, it's not that I know, it's that medical science has now officially confirmed that you're just a huge wimp.

• 35:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:17Travis McElroy?

  I mean, the, the science is in and Griffin. It's, it's like not allergic, it's nothing that's causing it. Do you understand? It's inherent weakness. It's like inbuilt weakness.

• 35:30Griffin McElroy?

  Psoriasis is weakness entering the body.

• 35:33Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 35:33Griffin McElroy?

  Right. If you really, if you really think about it, um, but don't worry, guys. Once I start pumping that fucking Skyrisi through my, my body, like the fucking Bane toxin, and I get huge and smooth, you guys, you guys are gonna eat your fucking.

• 35:48Travis McElroy?

  They looked at your body and they said, some foreign substance must be causing what's happening to him.

• 35:54Griffin McElroy?

  It's coming from within.

• 35:55Travis McElroy?

  But it's coming from inside the body. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash my brother. Zocdoc dot com slash my brother. I want to get a sign made that says days without a make good requested. I'm like a big zero, I can hang up.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  Hello. Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast. No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye. It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long. I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I? Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast. Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to MaximumFun.org. I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  Can I tell you guys the problem I keep coming back to with the Kelsey brothers?

• 37:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 37:58Travis McElroy?

  Oh, wow, we're still...

• 37:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It's the most important event in podcast history.

• 38:02Travis McElroy?

  When I see, especially another Travis, but anyone succeeding at a thing that I don't succeed at, I think, that's okay, I can't do what they can do, but they couldn't do what I can do. Right? I couldn't be a football hero. But then I see them have a very successful podcast, and then I'm like, well, well, I guess I have nothing. And so I've...

• 38:31Griffin McElroy?

  I'm happy with the level of success we've achieved. It's a principle, it's the principle of the thing.

• 38:37Travis McElroy?

  He was supposed to be good at football, and I was good at podcasting, and we didn't have to compare and contrast our experiences. And then he's kind of encroached into my territory.

• 38:49Griffin McElroy?

  And way faster, like way, way, way faster than we did it.

• 38:53Travis McElroy?

  So what if I became like an NFL guy?

• 38:57Griffin McElroy?

  That would be awesome.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Griffin McElroy?

  It'd be like that movie with Mark Wahlberg in it, where he just wanted to be a kicker so bad.

• 39:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Griffin McElroy?

  What was it? Flight plan?

• 39:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:07Griffin McElroy?

  Flight plan, yeah, I think that was it. Uh, I think it was called Eagleman Flightman.

• 39:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:12Griffin McElroy?

  Was that, is, could it possibly have been called Eagleman Flightman? But I think that was it. You could be like that because he was older. And he did have quite a bit of football experience before he decided to go from being a bartender to a NFL kicker.

• 39:24Travis McElroy?

  Well, I could also do like the, the Dennis Quaid movie where he's old and gets really good at pitching all of a sudden because his old tendons healed. And such a way that he got, that he got good at pitching.

• 39:33Griffin McElroy?

  You could also get rookie, you could get rookie of the year pretty easy.

• 39:35Travis McElroy?

  Travis is talking about the rookie, no, no, Travis is talking about the rookie of the year, which is a combo of the two that he just made up. I really like it though.

• 39:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm pretty sure that Dennis Quaid's character when he was little, his arm healed in a way that made him good at pitching. But then it, when, when it broke again, they were like, you'll never pitch again. And then he got really old. And it was like, oh, healed again, you're super good at pitching again.

• 39:59Griffin McElroy?

  Right. So Travis, I guess the takeaway is go to the doctor.

• 40:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:03Griffin McElroy?

  Get knees, elbows, shoulders, surgery.

• 40:08Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 40:08Griffin McElroy?

  That will make you good at pitching. Now you're going to start there and you're going to be a really good pitcher in the, in the, um, MLB.

• 40:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:15Griffin McElroy?

  Took me a second to remember that acronym and, um, then you'll do like a Jordan thing where you're like, I've already conquered MLB. Now I'm going to go do football.

• 40:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay. How long do you think that will take? Cause I mean, I'm already 41. So how long?

• 40:28Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck! Wow!

• 40:30Travis McElroy?

  Whoa!

• 40:31Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa!

• 40:32Travis McElroy?

  Whoa! Forty one?

• 40:35Griffin McElroy?

  No way dude!

• 40:37Travis McElroy?

  Travis, how did you pass me dude? Well, I assume. I'm 49! I assume Travis Kelsey is older than me because he's bigger and more successful, right?

• 40:44Griffin McElroy?

  No way dude!

• 40:49Griffin McElroy?

  Wait.

• 40:49Travis McElroy?

  What? Oh, by the way, thanks to President Steve. He's bigger than me. How could he be younger than me? He's larger in so many ways. How could he be younger than me? This is the law dictated by World President Steve Ballmer. He's the biggest and richest guy there is. And as Vice President Reggie Fisa Bay, the second biggest richest guy there is.

• 41:11Griffin McElroy?

  The biggest, oldest man alive.

• 41:14Travis McElroy?

  Biggest, oldest guy there is. Um, I, I celebrate, oh, the one thing that occurred to me that I, I don't celebrate enough with Taylor, Taylor Swift is that the way she, no, I'm serious. I am in awe and a huge respect of the way that she has decided to deploy excess, which is creating increasingly complex riddles and alternate reality games for people to decipher. She was saying on the show that some people said, oh, man, I don't know, Taylor, it's getting a little Zodiac Killer. And she was like, how about we do more? It's like, that I respect. If you're like, yes, I have, uh, infinite riches and power. What I'm gonna do is create an alternate reality layered on top of our reality where I am the riddle master

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  and no one around me knows how deep it goes. It also, I also love that she took, speaking of excess, there's a TikTok trend of like, hey, my boyfriend wants to show you. And then it's like his Gundam collection and you guys are gonna watch and be really nice. And Taylor Swift said, I think I can do that even further. My boyfriend has a podcast and you guys are gonna be nice and watch it. It really does feel that way. That's such a good call. The idea had to have come from the meme like, hey, wait a minute. You can do this. I mean, legally speaking, we could do this, right?

• 42:29Griffin McElroy?

  All three of us do podcasts with our wives. We are throwing stones inside of a glass house.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:35Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  Listen, yeah, but Teresa's not doing it to be nice to me. Well, maybe she is. Do you think that some of this might be motivated by envy? Do you think the green eyed monster may be fucking around somewhere, Griffin, in some hidden crevice?

• 42:50Griffin McElroy?

  It's just the principle of the thing. I'm perfectly content with the level of.

• 42:53Travis McElroy?

  If there was a principle on that show, Griffin, that would be perfect for me. If I could just come on the, and be the principal of Great Heights and be like, you Kelsey brothers read it again. Stop that podcast. Wait, why would you, wait, Justin, if you have the chance to cast yourself as a principal on the Kelsey Brothers podcast, why wouldn't you be a Mr. Feeny type? Why would you be a Mr. Building?

• 43:13Griffin McElroy?

  He'd be a big building.

• 43:14Travis McElroy?

  Why are you going building instead of Feeny? Teach the richest football players that just got Taylor Swift on their podcast. I have fucking, what?

• 43:22Griffin McElroy?

  You have nothing.

• 43:22Travis McElroy?

  How to, how to mod his RG473XM? Eat shit.

• 43:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. How to down, how to download all the Sega CD emulators?

• 43:30Travis McElroy?

  You, now you be qui, now you be fucking careful.

• 43:32Griffin McElroy?

  You're right.

• 43:33Travis McElroy?

  You be careful.

• 43:34Griffin McElroy?

  You're right.

• 43:34Travis McElroy?

  Travis could say that.

• 43:35Griffin McElroy?

  Travis can say that shit, not me.

• 43:37Travis McElroy?

  Not him, no, not McElroy.

• 43:38Griffin McElroy?

  I have, I have.

• 43:39Travis McElroy?

  No, Travis Kelsey. Oh, I got so excited for a second that I could say it.

• 43:46Griffin McElroy?

  How about another, how about a second question?

• 43:48Travis McElroy?

  Oh, we sensed it. This is the second question. I have a problem where my barber, out of nowhere, the last few times has asked me if I want my eyebrows trimmed. I keep saying no, but the line of questioning has started to make me nervous about my eyebrows being out of control. How do I ask my barber if they actually think I need an eyebrow trim? Without coming across as self-conscious or accusatory? I really like my barber and I don't want to put them on the spot, but I've had too many sleepless nights wondering if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees.

• 44:14Griffin McElroy?

  Who's that from?

• 44:14Travis McElroy?

  From Preening in Pennsylvania.

• 44:16Griffin McElroy?

  This is great. I'm excited to talk about this.

• 44:19Travis McElroy?

  I would, I'm thrilled to talk.

• 44:20Griffin McElroy?

  Thrilled, thrilled to bits. I didn't know this was a thing I needed in my life until I went to a barber who was like, you want me to trim your eyebrows? And I was like, uh, I guess it's hair, so it's your jurisdiction. And they did it and I was like, wow, that looks a lot better. I look, I look so clean. I look like a really clean man right now.

• 44:41Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes I think about the fact that there was a day in my life, and I don't know when it was, I can't pinpoint it, but I aged to a point where my body said, now you need to worry about your eyebrows. Because when I was young, I don't remember being a nine-year-old with untrimmed eyebrows. Right? That never happened. That wasn't a concern. But at some point, they started growing. I might have, but I don't know. I think I fucked it up the first time I cut them. You know what I mean? Like, I remember the first time I cut them because I got a, the trimmer thing and it had a guard. And it had a guard on there that said eyebrow. I thought, oh shit, alright, you know? And what happened? I guess you should cut these. And then I cut it.

• 45:26Travis McElroy?

  And then I've continued to do it at really, I would have to say almost random intervals in the month since, right? But I feel like the necessity of it is only because I did it the first time. Like if I had never cut them, maybe they just like were kicking it perfect.

• 45:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:43Travis McElroy?

  You know, like what were they doing before that?

• 45:45Griffin McElroy?

  You alerted them.

• 45:46Travis McElroy?

  Falling down my face. They weren't growing on my, hey, Hank Green, you've never stitched you one of these? How come my eyebrows don't just like grow to my face, pal?

• 45:53Griffin McElroy?

  It's fucked up. It's so crazy. If they got big and bu- if they got big bushy Peter Gallagher deals, I would be like, fine, let them fucking rock. That's not how they do it. They just wild spires, a bramble, every fifteenth hair will shoot out like a wild barn owl. And those have to be, those have to be dealt with by a professional.

• 46:14Travis McElroy?

  Those are wild. When you find a four inch guy and you're like, how did you do this? You're like a fucking mint tap from Dune. You're a mint tap from Dune with your stained lips or whatever.

• 46:24Griffin McElroy?

  And sometimes I'll feel like it, I'll feel like it itchy right here and I'll scratch it. I'll be like, what's scratching me? It's my own curly, huge, over eye pubes. No thanks. Get them out of there, doc.

• 46:34Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, I'm glad you invoked Peter Gallagher because, question asker, there must have been a point where Peter Gallagher said no enough times to someone wanting to trim his eyebrows that he was like, this is my thing now. And everyone went, hell yeah, it is Peter Gallagher. That's great.

• 46:54Griffin McElroy?

  Do you know what's funny? Actually, a ton of maintenance, almost daily maintenance on his, because they grow like, like a foot and a half every day. And if you don't do anything, it's just two big curtains, two, two big, beautiful dark curtains. And he has to sort of.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  For, for the eyes, you pay extra.

• 47:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that was really good, Peter Gallagher.

• 47:16Travis McElroy?

  I don't sweep them out of the way for less than thirty Gs.

• 47:19Griffin McElroy?

  It's really good.

• 47:20Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you want, you want to see the eyes in this scene? Here you go. You sure?

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  There they are.

• 47:26Griffin McElroy?

  Um, get your eyebrows trimmed. It feels fucking great. It feels excellent.

• 47:29Travis McElroy?

  Yourself. It's free.

• 47:30Griffin McElroy?

  Do it yourself also.

• 47:31Travis McElroy?

  In general, if I'm offered an additional service for the same amount I'm paying by a professional, I always say yes, because it makes me feel like a fancy dapper gentleman. Hugely surprising.

• 47:41Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 47:42Travis McElroy?

  What a curve ball. From Travis, absolute shocker. My grandma's nickname is the furnace and I inherited her warm natured genes. Summer is my enemy and my hands are always warm and toasty. The other day at board game night, I brushed hands with my husband's coworker and his hands were frigid and I wanted to ask if I could warm them, but realized what an absolutely feral question that would be. So brothers, how can I share my warmth with the world without sounding like a creeper? That's from Warm Heart, Warmer Hands, and this feels like maybe, maybe a grounder you didn't need us for. Maybe.

• 48:16Griffin McElroy?

  Let me give you my warmth. My warmth.

• 48:21Travis McElroy?

  If this kind of challenge, the Kelsey brothers wouldn't back away from this.

• 48:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, Trav. We better, we gotta, we gotta get in there. Nut up, as they say.

• 48:30Travis McElroy?

  When you're playing in Green Bay and you're in a huddle with all the other guys, you're not too proud to share your warmth. Patrick, give me those cold hands, brother. We need to warm those hands up. Those are golden hands, Patrick. She calls them rehearsals. I call them practice.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  It's the same thing. But we both call them intermission because I like that better than halftime. It implies there's a little break. Yeah.

• 48:52Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, I'll go ahead and read the next question too, because it's Jermaine. Hey, guys, it's me, Chili, Chili Mike. I, you know me, I always am cold and I have cold, my blood barely moves, barely even any in there, cold, cold, cold body. And it's awesome in the summertime. It's like being an air conditioner in the summertime. And my coworker's wife touched me, which, side question, what's that all about? But she felt too hot. So how can I, how can I make her cold with my skin?

• 49:21Travis McElroy?

  Here it is. You need a non-contact heat exchange. Pair of gloves, pair of gloves. You get the inside of those gloves cold. I get the inside of these gloves hot. We exchange. We balance our temperature. No contact necessary.

• 49:35Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you for that answer, Mike Pence. I agree. We should not touch women we are not married to.

• 49:42Travis McElroy?

  I'm saying the amount, the length of time to pass a, like, hand heat to hand cold would be too long for friend contact.

• 49:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Especially husbands coworker contact. Maybe you have a close friend you can walk around holding hands with. That's awesome, but that's a deciding.

• 50:03Griffin McElroy?

  Everyone's got different. Everyone's got different stuff going on in their marriages and their romances and their arrangements. We're not here to pass blanket judgment on anyone. I'm saying personally speaking, that would be a long time for skin to skin with someone.

• 50:18Travis McElroy?

  I don't know the exact amount of time, but even if it started casual, if you go to warm someone's hands at first, you could like, look around the room and you could maybe like think for a second, but eventually you're, it's gonna be like, hey, there you are.

• 50:38Griffin McElroy?

  Are you feeling this? Yeah.

• 50:40Travis McElroy?

  Here I am. I mean, what is this? You know what I mean? Like, what is this? Here we are. Here's. What is this? Justin, though, you've given me an idea. Just from the very motion that you did, if you impart some kind of wisdom or life lesson to them while you're holding their hand like that, hey, hey, come here, come here. You're worth it. Something then.

• 51:04Griffin McElroy?

  But you're worth it is not gonna get them warm. You need to like a huge like, when people look into your essence and you have an energy that when you and recognize that if you weren't there and everyone around you knows, like stall for time until the heat has been projected.

• 51:28Travis McElroy?

  What about you throw a parable at them, you know, and they're like, hey, have you heard the story of the frog falling into the well? Life's a little bit like that sometime when you think, and you just talk for a while and then end it with like, just think about that.

• 51:41Griffin McElroy?

  If you're gonna hold my hand and do wisdom at me, it's gotta be pretty good shit. Cause otherwise it's gonna, it needs to be like a soothsayer, like a soothsayer with a warning for the future. Or else I'm gonna be like, I just had the weirdest experience.

• 51:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's gonna be weird no matter what, but now the story's the weird part, not the hand holding.

• 52:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:02Travis McElroy?

  I have found a lot of success in my day to day life. And this is not a joke, but I've found a lot of success in my day to day life. If you're in a setting, especially like a food related setting. If you say, can we go to the Lord in prayer real quick? Every, you will usually buy yourself a full social reset at that point because everyone will start looking at you like, does he, is he serious? Is he not serious?

• 52:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:24Travis McElroy?

  And that's probably enough time for you to warm the hands. So I think if you swoop up and you're like, can we go to the Lord in prayer? Just super quick. And then while they're listening to you and you start hitting them with the, dear Jesus, we just thank you so much for everything you've done for us, Lord. And we just care for your travel.

• 52:38Griffin McElroy?

  And your aura and your essence and the energy.

• 52:40Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much for saying. And you use this in your real life, Justin? In my, in my day to day life, not the handholding thing, but like the, if I'm in an uncomfortable conversation and there's a group of people, I will sometimes say, can we go to the Lord in prayer? Because it's a pretty good, no one really has a good comeback. And every, a lot of people will close their eyes and then it's a usually a pretty good chance to just sort of like reset. Have you ever tried, Justin, to leapfrog that into like, can we go to the Lord in prayer? And then everyone, and then you just pick a random person and like, would you like to lead us?

• 53:09Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool. That's such a good move, dude.

• 53:11Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes in my life, I have deployed this when we're about to eat at dinner and then there'll be like one person there who you'll realize like, uh oh, they like this.

• 53:22Travis McElroy?

  They're doing it. And then I've sometimes I'm already the one talking and then they lowered their head really quick. So they can't see me and everybody else like, and so I've all of a sudden like, uh oh, I have to really take this seriously now. And then I'm doing a prayer that's like, could be like, if you looked at the transcript the next day on another podcast and read it, you might be able to make it seem spiritual, but the tone is like, get a load of this guy.

• 53:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the tone will be lost when they copy it.

• 53:50Travis McElroy?

  If that happens again, just drop a rub it up, dub things to the grub, yea, gone. And then everybody's like, is it? I said, yea, God. I said, yea, God.

• 54:01Griffin McElroy?

  That is only acceptable if it's Y E A and it goes at the start of the prayer. That's one of the, that's one of like the 14 acceptable introductions.

• 54:10Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I don't know what goes at the start of the prayer, but I know what goes at the end of the podcast. Amen. It's the outro. Oh. Amen. Amen. Yep, we, that's why we say amen. Fine. Rachel keeps cutting it out because she says it won't do well. Our audience. We were recording three hour long episodes, guys. The call to the altar at the end of every episode gets cut. Yeah. She cuts it every week.

• 54:37Griffin McElroy?

  And people will be like, I don't understand this joke you made at the intro. Yeah, it's because we set the joke up in the altar call.

• 54:45Travis McElroy?

  At the end.

• 54:45Griffin McElroy?

  From last week. At the end. All the best characters.

• 54:49Travis McElroy?

  It's an altar callback.

• 54:53Travis McElroy?

  That's it.

• 54:53Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 54:54Travis McElroy?

  End of show, Travis, end of show.

• 54:55Griffin McElroy?

  Good shit.

• 54:56Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're welcome. Who else do we owe gratitude to? Next week, we're going to be in Atlanta for Dragon Con. We're also going to be doing Adventure Zone versus Popeye. I've been excited about this show for months. I cannot, I liter, I'm so excited to do this show. I'm also. It's going to be unhinged. We're also going to be doing a My Brother. I will make my dad eat spinach onstage. Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 55:19Griffin McElroy?

  I won't because I can't, but we can make dad do it.

• 55:22Travis McElroy?

  I'm the oldest, I'll make daddy eat spinach. I'm the biggest, I'll hold it down, you eat, you feed him. Um, we're also doing a My Brother, My Brother and Me while we're there. And what we do in Dragon Con events, go to bit.ly/macroytours for all the information and ticket links. We're also coming to Texas, Utah, and California with more, uh, shows, including more Taz versus shows. Tickets for all those are on sale now. Uh, also want to let everyone know dad is doing D and D in a castle in November. Uh, it, it's going to be a super fun time. He's a fun DM to work with. Uh, I mean, maybe. Well, we've done it. Spots are available for them. Yeah, but you don't know what it'll have, you can't predict the future. No, but I've seen him run D and D in a castle and he does a great job. What if the castle explodes? Oh, that's fair. Yeah, it's not dad's fault, it says so in his contract.

• 56:07Travis McElroy?

  So you can get those spots, uh, for D and D in a castle with dad in November. Uh, check that out.

• 56:13Griffin McElroy?

  We have some merch up in the McRoy merch store. We're running a big back to school sale, uh, on a bunch of our stuff.

• 56:19Travis McElroy?

  All our essentials. Our erasers or pencils.

• 56:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, we got backpacks and fanny packs and notebooks and.

• 56:25Travis McElroy?

  We've got some of those belts that you wrap around the books to carry them with that they did in old timings.

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  We also have the keep. The keep your grades up pin is back in stock. There's a lot of things to inspire your educational journey. That's all up at macroymerch.com and 10% of all proceeds this month will be going to World Central Kitchen. So again, macroymerch.com and thanks to Montaigne for the use for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Make sure you check out that new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. It's truly, truly spectacular, fun, wild, cool album that's cool to listen to and it feels good to listen to it.

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Justin, would you read the fear this week? Yeah, Travis, I would love to. Thank you for the honor. You're welcome. I appreciate it. This year I will be faster than my fear that the unplugged toaster will shock and kill me because I put it away.

• 57:21Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 57:23Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 57:24Travis McElroy?

  It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad. Square on the lips.

• 58:00Speaker 05

  Maximum fun.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  A worker owned network. Of artist owned shows. Supported directly by you.