Mom's Car: Nate Tuck

On this week’s episode of Mom’s Car, we welcome West Coast Best Friend Nate Tuck. Dax, Nate, and East Coast Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through the deep evolutionary significance of a tribe chief embarrassing himself, Nate’s wasted and naked black ice car crash, BFAW’s handsome, mustachioed dad, woes of a sludgy summer job, a particularly loud Jean-Claude Van Damme delivery encounter, the long road to road rage recovery, Dax’s legendary rumble after a David Allan Coe show, and a physics-related legal write-in question. #sponsored by @Allstate. Go to https://bit.ly/momscar to check Allstate first and see how much you could save on car insurance. Follow Mom's Car on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Mom's Car ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting https://wondery.com/plus now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Oh, what a pleasure it is today to introduce you to Nate Tuck. Maybe if you listen to Armchair Expert, you would have heard him tell an incredible rattlesnake story on Armchair Anonymous. But Nate and I have been friends from, I don't know, virtually since I moved to LA, 30 years. We met in the Groundlings. He's just the sweetest guy. He produced the three movies that I've directed, and I call him my creative soulmate. It's not often that I get to hang out with my East Coast and West Coast best friend, but it was a blast. Please enjoy Nate Tuck. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

• 0:43Dax Shepard?

  Not checking that your sunroof is closed before going through the car wash. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:21Dax Shepard?

  Riding with three people in a car was standard biz from 16 to 22. And then as you become an adult, you're never just cruising around in a car.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Right, with your buds.

• 1:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  We did so many years like this.

• 1:33Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it's just very nostalgic and very fun. Nate, is this the longest you've had off work in five years? This 90 minutes you've committed to this?

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I was so happy. I had a huge meeting this morning.

• 1:44Dax Shepard?

  He was on a meeting walking through the door here.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  I was. Yeah, yeah, I was on speakerphone, always.

• 1:49Dax Shepard?

  Your tombstone will say, "He was in a meeting."

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:53Dax Shepard?

  He died too when he lost, taking a meeting.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  I walked in with my phone up to my mouth. The door's open and that's how weekly saw me. Yeah.

• 2:05Dax Shepard?

  No, we didn't rent a 4K, we rented a 10K.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  13.5. A 13.5.

• 2:11Dax Shepard?

  13.5. No one said 13.2.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Has better hold the fort down for the next 90 minutes.

• 2:17Dax Shepard?

  I bet everything's gonna fucking fall apart. Fall to shit in your absence.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  You don't have the acceleration, you usually do, big guy.

• 2:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yes I do. This thing's got a lot of get up and go.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Oh, look at that, friend.

• 2:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the joke about this car is, I was like, Kristen, let's get you something rad. Like, let's get a fucking Escalade or something.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  What'd she say?

• 2:36Dax Shepard?

  This is her car. She loves it. And I'm like, oh boy. But I have been driving it every day to school in the morning for years now.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  And now you love it.

• 2:44Dax Shepard?

  I fucking love it. Look how quiet it is in here.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is kinda nice.

• 2:48Dax Shepard?

  No ADR necessary.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I just felt for a minute you pulled out of your driveway and there was a car coming pretty quickly. 99.9% of the time, it's no problem because you have a lot going on.

• 2:56Dax Shepard?

  A lot of ponies on the road.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Good. This, I was a little nervous back there for a split second. I'm never nervous.

• 3:02Dax Shepard?

  Nate had an incredible idea for, was it your bachelor party?

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Because of you, yeah. Yeah, we went out to the desert and rode the play cars.

• 3:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Nate had ridden with me on the very first time I got that class one car. I had never driven anything like it. And we went out and dude who I bought it from, you know, he's like, come ride with us.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  So much adrenaline.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  And I had never even, he knew all about it.

• 3:23Dax Shepard?

  No, well, I didn't, but...

• 3:25Speaker 01

  I had never even watched it. I didn't know.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  He just pretended he knew all about it.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I didn't know the speeds. It's hard to fathom the speeds until you're in that thing with all open air around you and zero understanding of how the car stays on four tires.

• 3:40Dax Shepard?

  How about his speech before we took off too? Cause we just jumped behind these dudes that have been doing this for a decade racing. And the guy's like, okay, you fucking see something scary? Hammer down. It's always better to have the front end light, you're about to hit a tree? Punch it. You want the front end light? And I'm like, oh my God, so every time I'm scared, Florida, does it eat it? That was true. Cause remember like we came around a corner and there was, what are they, arroyos? The water had come through and it was a pretty good sized cliff.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  It was.

• 4:10Dax Shepard?

  And the instinct was like, oh shit, there's a cliff. But I punched it and we went off just fine and stayed level.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  But that's the thing, most people. Are not gonna punch it.

• 4:19Dax Shepard?

  Even if they've been told.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Against your instincts and survival.

• 4:22Dax Shepard?

  Your survival instincts. Yeah, that is the hurdle you have to overcome if you get into off-road racing. But anyways, okay, so it was your bachelor party.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:31Dax Shepard?

  What is so funny is the condition of all your friends.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  We're so fucked up. So we got to Palm Springs the night before and we all drank in the bar of the Ace Hotel.

• 4:39Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  And myself included, I knew better. I knew to stay away from the margaritas. But it's like your 21st birthday, you're there, everyone's throwing drinks down your gullet.

• 4:47Dax Shepard?

  Your old friends.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Everyone's so excited and everyone overdoes it, as everyone always does when you're so excited to see your buddies.

• 4:53Dax Shepard?

  Guys were eating with their shirts off inside this nice restaurant.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Shirts off, slamming drinks. And so that morning.

• 5:00Dax Shepard?

  We gotta add sweet Andrew Penny, who's had no experience with this.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:04Dax Shepard?

  This is.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Who the fuck are these gorillas?

• 5:06Dax Shepard?

  Yes, he's like, what are these friends of Nate's? They all have their shirts off at dinner.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  In the old days of the parties, it was who could get all their clothes off first.

• 5:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was your great party trick. And I'm glad we grew up in an era where that wasn't sexual assault.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Right. Dax was at a party, this is like in 96, I disappeared for about two minutes and I came back out of my room in nothing but a weight belt.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  An old leather weight belt.

• 5:30Dax Shepard?

  And would start doing calisthetics.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  And also start looking at things that are the problems with the house, like bending over and seeing, there's a problem with the corner here, I got some paint chipping. And so a full bend over.

• 5:40Dax Shepard?

  What a time to be alive, because everyone loved it. Part of it is you have the best personality and you're not threatening at all, you're clearly a good guy, but nothing delighted people more than when you would stroll out in the middle of a party and start examining all of the Joyce.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Squatting over to look at something on the floor, bending over.

• 5:58Dax Shepard?

  Some toe touches.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  And a couple somersaults.

• 6:03Dax Shepard?

  High kicks.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Remember in Eastern Promises?

• 6:05Dax Shepard?

  And then you would just disappear back into his room and come out clothed. What a routine.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  It was a big routine. Do you remember Eastern Promises Weekly when they go to the bathhouse? They literally have a fistfight, fully naked.

• 6:15Dax Shepard?

  It's the scariest fight.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  It's the scariest and funniest fight you've ever seen. Every once in a while, someone would swing around and inertia would slap their nuts against their thighs. And it's all on camera. It's all on camera. So that's kind of how it was. Just find the right angle.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh, no, no, no. That one driver finally is like, fuck this. Fuck this. And he pulls over.

• 8:38Dax Shepard?

  Everyone get your throw ups out of the way, basically. And were you and I riding together? No.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  No. Oh, you had Palmer.

• 8:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I did. Okay, okay, okay. I had Palmer. So, yeah, I'm in back. So when I pull up, there's three guys standing next to the car. Everyone's booting on the side of the train.

• 8:55Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, dude, they enjoyed that. There's no fucking way they could have enjoyed that. Maybe retroactively, they're really stoked they had the experience.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  They were shitting in their pants. I look back, my brother tells the story. My older brother was in the backseat. And he said he looked up at me and I was like this, with the microphone, talking to the driver. I was like, hey, that was a big turn right there. That was pretty harsh right there. But only because I had so much experience with Dax before that. These guys, this was the first time. They didn't sign a waiver.

• 9:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  By the way, one of those cars bought it. They missed a turn going through the wash, and they went right into a big.

• 9:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I don't remember that.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Pulling your friends.

• 9:28Dax Shepard?

  But it didn't destroy the car, obviously. I don't remember.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  No, we were just, by the way, I was laughing, but also going like.

• 9:34Dax Shepard?

  That nervous laugh where you're trying not to embarrass the driver, who just almost killed all you guys. Isn't that a weird instinct?

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yes. You're trying to protect him, but he just put it into a fucking tree, a tree stump.

• 9:44Dax Shepard?

  I think that's like a deep evolutionary thing.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  I think so too.

• 9:47Dax Shepard?

  Like the chief of the fucking tribe just embarrassed the shit out of himself. And you know, if he gets embarrassed, he's gonna start killing people or something.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  When I got in that crash outside of Provo, Utah, we flipped that van. Remember that story?

• 10:00Dax Shepard?

  Please don't air it.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  We're driving up in college, and a bunch of us got a Dodge Ram van. Those old Ram vans have the single seats in the back.

• 10:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  So there's a.

• 10:09Dax Shepard?

  Was this not the beachcomber?

• 10:10Speaker 01

  No. We're like, we're going up to Jackson Hole. Hey, let's undo the big seats, face each other so we can play cards on the way up there.

• 10:15Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Those things are really, really heavy.

• 10:17Dax Shepard?

  The 70s, that's like a 400-pound bench seat.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, sometimes it takes me so long, but please continue. I fucking remember the story now.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yes, but my point, so we're all going up there. Everyone's hammered. The driver's not, and the passenger's not. But everyone in the backseat's hammered. Everyone's passed out, except for me. I had to go pee so badly. I'm hammered. I grab a Gatorade bottle, and I stand up, hand on the roof, and I start peeing in the Gatorade bottle. Three quarters of the way through my pee, the back of the van goes. And we're doing 80.

• 10:45Dax Shepard?

  Snow ice, or just?

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Black ice.

• 10:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  The back of the van goes, and he overcorrects. I'm still standing up, hands still on top. And we hit the side bank and started flipping. And everything slowed down. We land, do, do, do, do, do. Those big seats. How did no one got to capitate?

• 11:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or their fucking head crushed in, yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  We all landed a pile. And my first instinct, just like what happens in a phone crash, I was, first of all, I was naked.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  I was naked, so I was so confused, because you hit, and you're like, why am I naked?

• 11:16Dax Shepard?

  Why are my clothes on?

• 11:17Speaker 01

  My first feeling was embarrassment.

• 11:21Dax Shepard?

  It's not gratitude.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  And then I was like, the driver, trying to make sure he was okay. Meanwhile, he's the one who fucking bought it.

• 11:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Why is that the instinct?

• 11:32Dax Shepard?

  I don't know. It's bad. There's something about like, maybe you grow up and you know like, it's safest to not point out that dad messed up. You know, if dad gets embarrassed, it's like, some really rash and illogical declarations are coming really quick. That's it, we're never going camping again. Some over the top defensive.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  My dad lost his shit at the parking lot of Safeway on Christmas morning. Four of us, and mom's in the front seat. He'd lost it. He's like, get it? And he doesn't want to swear. So he's like, you son of a bitch!

• 12:07Speaker 01

  And we are-

• 12:08Dax Shepard?

  Had another driver.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Had another driver. We're laughing, and the guy didn't do anything. We're dying in the back. And the guy pulls up, slowly rolls his one eye, goes, "Hey pal, it's Christmas morning, smile!"

• 12:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh my no.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Poor dad. Dad got it.

• 12:25Dax Shepard?

  That reminds me, my dad was briefly married to this woman, Tammy, and we went up northern Michigan, I think probably for Christmas. So it was super snowy up there and for some reason she was driving. I don't know why. And of course, we get behind a guy and he's going too slow for my dad's liking. And he's in the passenger seat. My brother and I are in the back and he's going, Tam, go around this guy. Go around, fuck, just go around this guy.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Come on, damn.

• 12:48Dax Shepard?

  He's reaching over and honking the horn while she dri- you know, from that seat. You gotta get the fuck out, right?

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 12:54Dax Shepard?

  And my brother and I are in the backseat. And you know, my father was an enormous man. And when Tammy finally pulls out on the snowy road to pass as we're going by, my dad rolls the window and he gets his entire body out the window. And he goes, "Brrr, you stupid fucker." And my brother and I, something about stupid fucker. And he was flipping him off.

• 13:21Dax Shepard?

  Well, Tammy's like, "Dad, get in the car."

• 13:24Speaker 01

  You stupid fucker.

• 13:25Dax Shepard?

  The rest of the vacation, vacation, oh, he's just calling everything a stupid fucker.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is fucked. There is something hilarious about stupid fucker.

• 13:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it is.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  You fucker.

• 13:38Dax Shepard?

  Your old man never got into anything physical though, right?

• 13:41Speaker 01

  No, he is so sweet. But when he loses his temper, he was always trying to hold back.

• 13:45Dax Shepard?

  Send him up. It's like the-

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Dad, you got fucked up. Boy, get it. So you didn't want to swear so much because the kids-

• 13:54Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure. Forget the behavior. It's the words.

• 13:59Dax Shepard?

  And then forbid those sounds come out during your tirade.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  I think about it all the time because in front of my kids, I get pissed off. Try not to, but it is. Motherfucker. God, motherfuck. And I will think about my dad who tried so hard to hold back, "I gotta do better."

• 14:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I gotta.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  I gotta do better.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  Also, you have the advantage of you're probably much older than your dad was, right?

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Well, that's the thing.

• 14:23Dax Shepard?

  Think if you had fucking kids in your twenties. I think about it all the time.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  I didn't know who I was in my twenties.

• 14:27Dax Shepard?

  Aaron, how old were you when you had weight?

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Thirty-two.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  I think of you as an older thirty-two, like you had done some... Like, were you an older thirty-two?

• 14:35Speaker 02

  I could've hung up, I could've hung it up at that point and settled down.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you had done plenty of stuff.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. I had nothing left to prove.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  You had an active twenties, but you were ready at thirty-two. I guess you always adapt.

• 14:48Dax Shepard?

  But Aaron had this interesting paradox where he was not afraid of commitment. You always had animals and stuff.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 14:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you are not afraid of, "Yeah, let's get some dogs and ferrets. I'll take care of them."

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Not me.

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Also, I blackout and I don't come home sometimes for a couple of days, but that's not gonna get in the way.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Now I think about that, I'm like, "What did I do?"

• 15:09Dax Shepard?

  Who handles this?

• 15:09Speaker 02

  I'm afraid to go to lunch with my dogs home.

• 15:15Dax Shepard?

  You're a nervous wreck the whole lunch.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  I probably should have done that. I had nothing to do with pets.

• 15:20Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  For the first half of my life.

• 15:21Dax Shepard?

  First half? You just got your first animal, right?

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Three quarters. 2010, when I met Colinda, she had two cats.

• 15:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Also, when I lived with you, I got to live with dogs every day, and so I got to experience the joy of that. But those are KB's dogs, like...

• 15:35Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  They're so special, they're so nice, it's all love. My dog I grew up with hated us. We grew up, four kids in a row, and our dog Daisy only liked our mom. She...

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Hated them, guys.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Hated us. You're at dinner, we're kids, and all of a sudden, like, "Gah, gah, gah, gah!" At your toast, she's biting our toes. I'm like, "Fuck!"

• 15:56Speaker 01

  And poor mom's like, "I don't know."

• 15:57Dax Shepard?

  Daisy never bites me.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Daisy bit us all the time. She hated us, so there was no pets for a while for me.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I'm just remembering, I'm like, "Did my dad fight in front of me before?"

• 16:06Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Once.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  It was at a roofer's. It was a Okay, hold on.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  What a tough convention.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  This was a

• 16:14Dax Shepard?

  Not where you pick a fight.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I was very young, but it was like a builder supply function, right?

• 16:21Speaker 01

  That's a bunch of tough guy.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Which the builder supply, it was a roofing supply company. So it was all roofers that came. And my dad took, this was like one of the weekends we were with him. My little sister, she was probably four and I was nine, let's say. And he had his new wife, or his new girlfriend at the time, really young, good looking. This is what I remember. She was pouring a can of beer all over her arm. And my dad goes, "What are you doing?" And she said, "This guy licked my arm." And so then he's like, "Oh, where is he?"

• 16:51Dax Shepard?

  Which guy?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, so

• 16:55Speaker 02

  So now we had to follow him around, looking for him and looking for her to point him out.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  How old were you?

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Like nine?

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  She pointed him out. He was getting into a car. This part I remembered. I remember the car is a fucking Trans Am. Like real cool fucking car.

• 17:10Dax Shepard?

  This guy rocks.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, you are.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  That's awesome. That's awesome.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  And he fucking jumped in his car and just started going. And my dad

• 17:17Speaker 01

  He jumped in his car?

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Like, my dad had a wad of keys, like a janitor's wad, right?

• 17:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  And he fucking chucked them at the windshield as he was driving by us. Cracked the windshield. The guy stops. No fight happens. The guy ends up peeling out. Then the next thing I remember is my stepmom, we're in the backseat, puking out the window. The entire ride home.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Just because he was too drunk?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I wonder if anyone actually licked her arm?

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Oh, no. I think she was starting shit. No, for sure. I've talked about it before where I was like, "She fucking made that up. She wanted to see my dad fight."

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Because he always held back around women and children.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Men, especially roofers men, that is scary business. You know, that young.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Ooh, except

• 18:07Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Bingo.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 18:09Dax Shepard?

  Big one.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  So it shows you the price, huh? All right.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it gives you an idea of what you're gonna make. I saw my dad shove several guys. Oakberry Kai.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  There it is, right there.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Oh, you see it?

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  All right.

• 18:22Dax Shepard?

  But we drove around the block for that. He fought my uncle in front of me in the garage.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 18:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. That was terrible. Going into Walls and Tools, my grandpa's never ever, if there was a socket set on sale, he always got it. And he would just give people socket sets when they came over. Socket sets and WD-40 was falling off the walls and they were fucking wrestling. Again, the walls into the car and then my dad got on top of them on the hood and they had cut their ankles, both. Their ankles.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Both of them?

• 18:50Dax Shepard?

  Both of them. They were both in shorts and fucking tennis shoes. And they came in kind of bloody ankles and then my uncle had like a cut on his head. And it was because it was in the period where my uncle, who was a crack addict, at the height of the.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Oh, was it Randy?

• 19:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 19:08Dax Shepard?

  So over for like thirty, forty years.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Late eighties.

• 19:10Dax Shepard?

  Exactly. He was the president of the Bakers Union and it was just a very heartbreaking decline. And he ended up going to treatment a bunch of times and he was like living at my grandparents' house. He was just kind of in this weird coma for a very long time. It was very trippy. Everything had been tried and a couple of different times he had gone out and like sold my grandpa's car to a dealer and my grandpa had to call my dad. You know, some wreckage. And my dad, I don't know how decided, you know, what he needs is.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  To beat some sense into him?

• 19:41Dax Shepard?

  He needs to get thrown around the garage.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 19:43Dax Shepard?

  That'll snap him out of it.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Were you watching the doorway?

• 19:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they were screaming and then they went out in the garage and then I then went in the doorway and was just watching in the garage. It was like two dogs fighting in the garage.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  That's literally the definition already. I'm gonna beat some sense into him.

• 19:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine like, well, we tried everything. We tried treatment, we tried everything. I'm just gonna kick his ass and see if that helps.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  He made that decision. That was like a thing he did, because maybe he's thinking primally, it's like, hey, this might work.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  We need a little.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Beat the fuck out of him.

• 20:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, jerk the collar on the dog. I can't fault him. I'm sure he was desperate.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  But also at that time, I feel like that was an option.

• 20:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  It doesn't make any sense.

• 20:20Dax Shepard?

  I know a bunch of fight stories from my dad, but.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  All right. Where's Yeasty Boys?

• 20:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Double Banger?

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Double Bang. I think it's on the next block.

• 20:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeasty Boys, wow.

• 20:32Dax Shepard?

  That's the only action I saw him in. But I knew all these stories and then you do wonder how much these stories are real.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Your dad was closing sales deals over martinis at lunch in the 70s.

• 20:42Dax Shepard?

  We were, we were just talking about that.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Which is the worst, coolest thing ever.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  That's where, like, when you go to Morton's to close a couple.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  That's what they used to do. Get the napkin, the cocktail napkin out, have a couple martinis, and let's make a deal.

• 20:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we were just talking about it at Morton's. My dad would take these poor guys across the street to the bar, right across the street from Avis Ford, and they'd be drinking with this charismatic guy. But he was a professional drinker.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  And they'd get shitfaced and they'd buy a way too expensive car. And numerous times, they got T-bone pulling out of Avis Ford. And their brand new car that they couldn't afford, because they were fucking shitfaced.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  All right.

• 21:23Dax Shepard?

  And presumably, they needed to buy a second car as soon as they got the insurance money.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  I just heard somebody was saying, oh, Yeasty Boys, oh, it's a food truck right there.

• 21:31Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's a fucking food truck. This is a first.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  By the way, that's the way the Beasties wrote them. Have they licensed that?

• 21:38Dax Shepard?

  There's no way that this is.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that is a writing.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  That's the writing.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  It's kind of like.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  I don't want to out anybody.

• 21:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I don't want to cause any lawsuits.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Doesn't any problem here.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  It's almost like Ted Seeger's stealing Bob Seeger's name.

• 21:51Dax Shepard?

  Very similar.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  But by the way, he should thank you, because that picture's awesome of that person.

• 21:56Dax Shepard?

  That's our dad.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  That's so fucking cool. He looks great. By the way, he must have been gorgeous.

• 22:01Dax Shepard?

  He was so handsome. My mom was so horny for his dad.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  He had a beautiful mustache.

• 22:07Dax Shepard?

  He looked just like Sam Elliott. And he was such a rugged man. He was a Marine and he was a roofer.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  He must have been so strong, because he's so strong.

• 22:16Dax Shepard?

  Yes, the two of them. I roofed with them for quite a while. And yeah, the big test of a man, if you're a roofer, is if you can carry two bundles on your shoulders as you climb the ladder 35 feet and not lose your.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Now we're on the road.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  We're talking about how handsome and studly your dad was.

• 22:32Dax Shepard?

  Carrying bundles. How that was the test of a roofer, like, how many fucking bundles you could carry up the ladder.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Short-lived life, go figure.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  You know what's funny about what you're saying is, I identify, you said very casually, I roofed with them for a little while. We all, in the old days, in the days, I dug trenches with my friend at his dad's electric company. There's just certain things that you did for jobs when you were really young. You just did them.

• 22:57Dax Shepard?

  And by the way, they were very motivating to do something else.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Oh, I couldn't wait to not be there anymore. Fucking hated it.

• 23:04Dax Shepard?

  The gift of all those jobs.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Yes, working at my, my family's HVAC company. When you're counting the clock and it's like 12, 10, you have five more hours, you're going, fuck.

• 23:13Dax Shepard?

  I think about this all the time for HVAC guys. The height of their action is when it's 105 out and everyone's air conditioning has broke. And then they get into an attic where all the fucking equipment is. And it's 140 in there. I mean, how hot is it in there?

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:29Dax Shepard?

  Tell me about the slaughterhouse we got called.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  Oh dude, doesn't even seem real.

• 23:34Dax Shepard?

  No, it's to this day, the grossest experience of my whole life.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  My dad had, I don't want to say a contract with these people. He was just involved with these people that owned meatpacking companies in Detroit. He knew them all. He would put the roofs on all of the buildings or most likely repair all of these buildings were fucking old as all hell.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Detroit.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Everyone does not want to spend money, you know, they want to pay you in ribs. And when my dad died, I did so many repairs for these guys and fucking had to buy a deep freezer. Cause I did take my payment in ribs.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  They talked me into it in five seconds.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Of course you did. It was hysterical. Yeah, I would watch them saw it off, the fucking animal. Like these guys are like, we're gonna pay you in ribs and you're gonna watch it. Like, I didn't want to watch that.

• 24:29Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't even want to see a wrong, I want to.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  How are they doing it? What do they do in there?

• 24:33Dax Shepard?

  They have a bandsaw, right?

• 24:35Speaker 02

  A bandsaw, yes, exactly. So Dax and I were, I don't know, was this high school or?

• 24:40Dax Shepard?

  12th grade, yeah.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  No, you know, we were living in Dearborn. We were like 20 or 19.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  My dad being involved with these guys, but he's a roofer, keep in mind. I don't fucking know how this came up. They decide they want a connecting building to one of theirs that has been abandoned for many, many years, decades or something, which was an old slaughterhouse. My dad said, I'll clean this place out for you.

• 25:06Dax Shepard?

  No problem.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  You know, give me whatever he must have said.

• 25:08Dax Shepard?

  Six years of ribs.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, give me like, you know, lots of ribs. Keep them coming.

• 25:15Dax Shepard?

  And I want to keep any of the ribs I find while I'm cleaning.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  He walked down into it. So you got a picture. This was a functioning slaughterhouse for decades.

• 25:25Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Now, the whole floor is concrete. You can't see this, but it's all channels of drainage. There's nothing drained. So.

• 25:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sludge.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Sludge. And the sludge is animal liquids.

• 25:41Dax Shepard?

  Adding to that, there's huge four by four, or maybe they were bigger, traps in the cement that go down.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that you can't see.

• 25:49Dax Shepard?

  That you can't see because of the whole thing. So the dad's like, don't walk over there. There's four traps. And if you were to have walked in one, you would have gone up over your head.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Holy shit, and animal sludge. Yes. Now there's pipes. I don't remember if these were water, gas lines, or if they were just pipes where they hung animals from. I'm guessing that's what it was. But all these pipes that were kind of at your head level and you had to like duck to go under them. And there was like skin and stuff that were hanging that was going to your mouth like you're like.

• 26:22Dax Shepard?

  You would try to be dodging something and something else would go in your mouth and you're like.

• 26:31Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Mom's Car.

• 26:34Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Allstate. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that your phone isn't connected to your car's Bluetooth before having a private conversation. And let me tell you, nothing quite prepares you for that moment when you realize your entire carpool just heard every detail of your last doctor's appointment through the car speakers. Talk about an awkward ride. Or how about this one? Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that all your windows are closed before going through the car wash is not smart. I learned that lesson the hard way last week. There's nothing like getting an unexpected shower while you're trying to clean your car's interior.

• 27:18Dax Shepard?

  At least the kids thought it was hilarious. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmigiana delivered. A day at the lake? That's a no. A Philly cheesesteak? That's a yes. An afternoon stroll? Sorry, no. A burrito bowl? Happily yes. What about a day of sunshine? Not happening. A box of fine chocolates? Yes, that's happening. Delivery on its way. Okay, how about some clear skies?

• 28:03Dax Shepard?

  Nope. Well then, how about some french fries? Yep. A little escape? No. A delicious bowl of grapes? Yes, yes, that. How about a freshly cut lawn? Can't help you there. But barbecue prawns? Order it and it's on its way. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

• 28:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, somehow you started a day before I did, I feel like, because I remember about to walk in and you're like, you have to be smoking the whole time.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  You had a cigarette in your mouth.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  You had that taste in your mouth.

• 28:42Dax Shepard?

  And his dad had a cigar.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, blow it directly into your nose. Let it just go into your nose.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  I love that you're sucking the dart and you're blowing the smoke through your nose out, which is the best.

• 28:52Dax Shepard?

  You're always sucking in, you're never exhaling.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Is anybody wearing masks? No, no way. I forgot from you.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Stay alive.

• 29:01Dax Shepard?

  You have more than a five year plan.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  We did talk about when my dad died, I'm like, I wonder if that slaughterhouse had something to do with it.

• 29:07Dax Shepard?

  Yes. What did we pick up? Dude, his dad was hitting one of these huge, huge pipes that delivers all the sludge. It looked like an HVAC kinda huge pipe. And he was hitting it with a sledgehammer because he had to get all that piping out of there. And it fucking broke over and it covered him. Like, you can't do this on television with animal sludge.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 29:29Dax Shepard?

  And his dad didn't give a fuck. And dude, for however long we worked in there, how many hours? And you just were taking five gallon buckets.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  You got rid of it with five gallon buckets, filling the sludge. That's how we're gonna empty the building. Now what the fuck in some kind of extraction pump?

• 29:47Speaker 01

  You actually had to scoop it with a bucket.

• 29:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, five gallons at a time.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  And take it up the stairs and dump it. I don't even remember where we dumped it, in the alley?

• 29:57Dax Shepard?

  City sewer.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  How bad was the smell?

• 30:00Speaker 02

  The worst.

• 30:01Dax Shepard?

  It was the fucking grossest thing. We would be dry heaving. Every 15 minutes, you'd have a spell of dry heaving and then light a cigarette.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  My dad's truck, I remember, he had someone torch it. Cause uh.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  For real?

• 30:13Speaker 02

  It stunk so bad. He was at that job for so long that uh, he was trying to sell it. He's like, I gotta fucking sell this truck. You cannot get the smell out. No one will buy it if you have a body smell.

• 30:26Dax Shepard?

  They get the insurance.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  That's just called taking care of business.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  He had to.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Okay, so we're in there all day long and we're so disgusted. And we've said numerous times during the day, we're never eating meat again. It's such a terrible idea, right? And we're riding with his dad, three in the truck. And his dad's first stop was White Castle.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  What?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  And he ordered like 20 hamburgers.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  And guess what he ordered to wash it down with?

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Who the fuck wouldn't get a Coke with that? He got a black coffee.

• 31:02Dax Shepard?

  A black coffee and 20 burgers. And he just was driving with a bag between his legs, just eating burgers like potato chips.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Like Castle Burgers.

• 31:12Dax Shepard?

  And that almost was the most I almost threw up.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Did you, the smell of that after?

• 31:18Dax Shepard?

  We're like, he's a psychopath. The fact that he's gonna fucking be eating hamburgers right now. And he got covered in fucking.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're like, wow, there's something in him that's not in us, for sure.

• 31:31Dax Shepard?

  He's made of something different than us.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  They used to make them different.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Nice move.

• 31:36Dax Shepard?

  No, it wasn't a nice move. I was supposed to get off there.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Oops, Sir Daisy.

• 31:40Dax Shepard?

  I got confusing. That's okay. We'll figure it out.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  By the way, I gotta say, I've been watching this map. This is quite a drive from Silver Lake.

• 31:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, bud, we've gone up to Sunland. We've had 35 minute ride.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Yesterday, we took something from Silver Lake to USC.

• 31:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm pretty much always looking at proximity as part of my order when I order this stuff.

• 31:59Dax Shepard?

  Same. It's been illuminating. I also thought, wouldn't you assume it was people with a lot of discretionary income?

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:05Dax Shepard?

  Not the case at all.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Really?

• 32:07Dax Shepard?

  Every single person's ordering food. That's how it is.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  That's just the way it is.

• 32:10Dax Shepard?

  In L.A.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Look at this. Is that a Cadillac?

• 32:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Seventy-nine.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  What a beauty.

• 32:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. That's a really nice machine. It still got some giddy up and go, too. And no fucking exhaust scheme out the back.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 32:24Dax Shepard?

  I haven't seen a Cadillac accelerate in 30 years without it looking like a diesel, without it rolling coal.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, he jumped right out there.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he did. Like a little bunny rabbit. This is half of, the job is finding these addresses.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 32:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's behind, yeah, okay.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Oh, there it is. I saw it.

• 32:43Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. Really good.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Do you have both deliveries?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  So that was two separate orders?

• 32:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's the dream, is when you can get a double whammy.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Was there any communication or did you leave it at the door?

• 32:54Dax Shepard?

  Leave it at the door, which is such a bummer. I had a fantasy that I would be meeting a bunch of people on this.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  My first job.

• 33:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm so glad this came.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 33:02Dax Shepard?

  Jean-Claude?

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Yes. My first job in Hollywood was delivering scripts. This is 1994. At the Breakdown Services, you get a stack of scripts, you get your clipboard, and you drive around, and that is your day. And you have a Thomas Guide. So the Thomas Guide is, you know, you know Thomas Guide.

• 33:15Dax Shepard?

  I do.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  How you're finding. And in L.A., it's so fun because L.A.'s just one giant grid. I would have, oftentimes, pretty bizarre moments at the front door. It wasn't like Uber when you can just leave it at the door. There's always something kind of weird or odd. Anyway, so it's a Friday. I get a stack of scripts, really traffic-y day, and so I was falling behind. Now, when you're doing this, you gotta keep your schedule because you gotta get through your scripts, you gotta fill your clipboard, you gotta make your deliveries. You gotta get paid.

• 33:40Dax Shepard?

  You gotta get paid?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  You gotta get paid. And by the way, you get so stressed out. By the way, I have two stories because it's about road rage at a certain point. The road rage one is unbelievable, so I'll hold on that one.

• 33:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  First is this one. So usually I'll peek at the script sometimes because they were delivering to like, oh, I'm delivering to Samuel and Jackson's house. I'm delivering to so-and-so's house. I'm like, yeah, so excited. I was so young. But I was so behind. I didn't give a fuck who was on these. I was just trying to get them off and unload them as fast as I could. It was 10:00 P.M. on a Friday night. I never was that late. Hey, the Chatsworth!

• 34:09Dax Shepard?

  I know this story so well, but I don't think I knew it was 10:00 P.M.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  It was late.

• 34:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that justifies a little more this story.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  It does. It was so late that I was embarrassed already when I pulled up. I was like, how am I gonna navigate?

• 34:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  I didn't even look at the name on the script.

• 34:22Dax Shepard?

  You might be waking this person up.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  And also, it was Chatsworth. It's quiet, it's dark.

• 34:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  It's a gated community. I have to buzz the gate first, walk up a long path with the front door. I think I even said this. I was like, sorry, I'm late. Script delivery. And eh, it buzzed. And I walked up this very quiet walkway up to the door. The door is flanked by two vertical windows. I ring the doorbell, and I kind of peek through the window, and I see something like pass down a hallway, like a flowing robe or something. And I was like, got a little nervous. And the door opens and it's Jean-Claude Van Damme. And he is in, he's in a robe. It's sort of open, so his chest is showing. He's holding a cocktail that he had himself, like a cocktail glass.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  And I see over his shoulder right away, a woman crosses frame. Who's also in a bathrobe.

• 35:16Dax Shepard?

  They're post-coital.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  He's staring at me, daggers at me. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it's so late on a Friday night. Can I please get your signature? He doesn't say a word and I hand him my clipboard. And my clipboard is full of all the previous delivery signatures. So all the signatures, and there's one slot available.

• 35:35Dax Shepard?

  I gotta get my papers. I gotta do my filing.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  I did. I'm just such a nerd. I just had to get it done. I hand him my clipboard and my pen. He's staring at me and he goes.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  And I go, oh, and he goes, oh. And he's staring at me. I go, oh, I go, thank you. And he goes, thank you.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  And I go, I go, thank you. And he goes, thank you. And I'm like, oh, fuck. I grab my clipboard, I turn around, I start walking away. And he goes, thank you. He's right over my shoulder. I was exhilarated. I was exhilarated. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. And then I was like, what if he roundhouses me?

• 36:15Speaker 01

  I literally had that thought, waiting for something to go.

• 36:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're waiting to get kicked in the back of the head.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  You know that feeling, right?

• 36:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know when the dude is behind you in school and you know he's gonna shove you?

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, just waiting for that shove.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Van Damme walks me all the way down that long pathway. Then I, right behind me going, thank you. Thank you.

• 36:37Dax Shepard?

  That's so fucking bonkers.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  It was so bonkers.

• 36:41Dax Shepard?

  And now in retrospect, also very consistent with him. Now.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  I, I, I had, I mean, for me, he was a hero back in, it was 1994, like.

• 36:48Dax Shepard?

  Yes, blood sport. Why wouldn't he would have knocked on the door and you would have looked through the window and he's doing the splits inside?

• 36:57Dax Shepard?

  Because he has to do like three hours of splits a day.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  I spent the ride home, the ride back to the station, first of all, I was laughing on the way home. I couldn't wait to show him my clipboard.

• 37:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  It was such a mess. It was this big circle over and over again. Yeah. But then I was thinking about, what were they doing? He was so pissed off that I interrupted. I remember long blonde hair. I was like, this is so advanced. They're having cocktails in their robes.

• 37:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  A real night. I'm sure he had planned it.

• 37:23Dax Shepard?

  He's rich and famous.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  And it was still kind of early in his career, so I imagine he was loving this night he had planned. He was so pissed off at me for interrupting his night. The whole drive back, I was like, god damn this guy. I go, must be awesome to be such a star.

• 37:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  I go, fucking having a date with his robes on and his cocktails from his cocktail bar.

• 37:43Dax Shepard?

  Why is he so upset?

• 37:46Dax Shepard?

  Get over it. I hate to say I can relate. I mean, I really hate to say it.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Now I can too.

• 37:53Dax Shepard?

  I know. You just wanna go like, just throw the fucking script on the ground. Sign my name. Well, you don't, you really need my-

• 37:59Speaker 01

  I didn't have to. It was in an envelope, like-

• 38:02Dax Shepard?

  You were playing a crossing your Ts and dotting your Is.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  I was such a nerd. I really wanted to get it all done. I will say this though, usually I'll look at the names. It was the best surprise ever. For him to open the door, half dressed, holding a cocktail.

• 38:17Dax Shepard?

  Fuck.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  It was probably the best entrance you've ever seen. Can I just quickly tell you-

• 38:21Dax Shepard?

  Yes, please.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  What happened to me about my road rage? Because when you're delivering scripts like that at a young age, I just knew I was getting day by day more and more road rage-y. And I was young and I had a lot of testosterone pumped through the veins. And I was like, you know, I'd gotten in some fights at that point. So I was like, I was like, let's go. And, and I had some successful ones where I was like feeling good about myself. And by the way, it's so weird because there's no such thing as a successful road rage incident.

• 38:48Dax Shepard?

  I agree now, yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  It's the height of traffic. It's 5pm. I'm at Robertson and Olympic. Such a congested place. I am trying to turn left. The guy in front of me will not turn. He's gonna stick me in the intersection or red and I'm gonna be stuck.

• 39:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  I'm so pissed. I'm laying on my horn. Let's go! Let's go! I mean, I lost all control. And all of a sudden, the guy's driver's door opens.

• 39:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  And before he even steps out-

• 39:16Dax Shepard?

  In an intersection, not even at a light.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  And it's congested.

• 39:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  People everywhere. His door opens, my door opens.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  I jump out, I'm exhilarated, I'm like, "Come on, motherfucker!" Like, "Let's go!"

• 39:30Dax Shepard?

  And I don't make ends

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Yelling in front of everybody. There's so many people in the cars watching this. Guess who steps out? An eighty-year-old man.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  He steps out, and he's like, he's like, he's like, "Ooh!" "Ooh!" And I was like, "Yes," I was like, "Come on, motherfucker!" And I stop, and I look around, and everybody in the intersection is staring at me. I felt so bad.

• 39:55Dax Shepard?

  That's like, one step away from fucking, the automatic arm puts a wheelchair out.

• 40:01Dax Shepard?

  And then he climbs into it. What do you do?

• 40:05Speaker 01

  I kinda looked around, I saw everyone, I felt immediately like a villain in a story.

• 40:09Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  And I put my hand up, and I said, "I'm sorry," got emotional in my car, I was like...

• 40:15Dax Shepard?

  Who am I?

• 40:17Speaker 01

  I did, I lost all control. I was like, "That poor man..."

• 40:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm gonna be cut.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  "They wanted to take him to get out of his car, and want us to square up."

• 40:24Dax Shepard?

  Yes, because you were fucking honking so much, and screaming, "Fine!"

• 40:28Speaker 01

  And he's like, "Fine, I'll do this." And I drove, and I got emotional driving around, and I was like, "You know what?" And I swear to God, I said it, I go, "That's it for road rage for me." I go, "That's it."

• 40:37Dax Shepard?

  Really?

• 40:38Speaker 01

  It was so impactful. For years after that, I was like, "Ah, fuck it."

• 40:42Dax Shepard?

  God, that's great, what a correction. Yeah. I certainly had some regrettable ones, but I couldn't contain it. It was a long road for me.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  For me, that was ninety-four, I mean, then, once like, we hit the turn of the century, all bets were off, I think I was back in them.

• 40:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay, back in business.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  But for many years, think about the impact of that.

• 41:01Dax Shepard?

  Do you remember, either of you, the first time you guys hung out?

• 41:04Speaker 01

  I was supposed to go out with you, you were gonna drive across country, I bailed at the last second. And I was pretty bummed out, but then when you came back and told me the stories that happened when you were out there, I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm kinda glad I wasn't there." That was when you got into that massive brawl. You went to go see...

• 41:18Dax Shepard?

  David Allen Coe.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 41:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh!

• 41:21Speaker 01

  I was supposed to go to that. And you came back, and I was like, "I'm fucking glad I did not go out." Then you came out, you came out...

• 41:28Dax Shepard?

  I got, this is the first time in my life I got hit with a crowbar.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Hopefully the last time.

• 41:34Dax Shepard?

  Dude, that was like a fucking 80s movie to come down the alley.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Alley fight like rumble fish.

• 41:39Dax Shepard?

  He has these cab drivers. My story is they were fucking with us really bad. We were probably terrible. We were leaving a David Alcoa show at 3pm and we were all blackout. But I remember what set me up, but something about my ex-girlfriend. She wanted to get out of the car and he went and opened the door and I was hit in the back of this, whatever.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  You were in the back of the taxi?

• 41:55Dax Shepard?

  Shockingly. We had gotten cabs. We were really responsible.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  That was very shocking.

• 42:00Dax Shepard?

  Maybe Brie, Spirit, I don't know, some of the women.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Some of the women's responsible friend of ours.

• 42:06Dax Shepard?

  When we got to the house and we finally got left out, me and Dean chased these cabs and they went down this alley behind a mobile gas station. And then we ran down the alley and they parked at the end of it, but then as we were running down, there were two more cabs that weren't involved.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Oh boy.

• 42:22Dax Shepard?

  And there's like three guys running up the alley, but then there's a fourth and fifth guy getting out of their car.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Oh my.

• 42:28Dax Shepard?

  And the fifth guy grabs a crowbar out of his fucking crone vic. And I'm like, what's our play here? I had one successful uppercut. Like I did drop one guy. And that was right about the time the guy with the crowbar hit Dean in the arm.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Dean's arm was like snapped.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  I remember that.

• 42:48Dax Shepard?

  Destroyed. I couldn't turn and leave Dean. I wanted to, but so I kind of like kept going. And then the guy with the crowbars turned his attention on me. Now Dean's running the other way and now I turn to start right away and as I'm running away, his crowbar hit me in the back.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  In the back?

• 43:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I had an incredible egg on my back.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  You came back and you told me that story and I was like, oof, boy. That's a major league brawl.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Oh, you would have fit right in there.

• 43:17Dax Shepard?

  Yo, you would have loved it.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  You came out and then I think it was the backyard of Scotty and I's house.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Did you guys ever party together?

• 43:23Speaker 01

  I'm not sure if it was your graduation party for UCLA. Did you come out for his graduation party?

• 43:28Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  I think you were there.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  But I do remember.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  And we were partying in the backyard of mine and Scotty's place.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Sure, I do remember partying with you there, doing some blow. Drinky drinky. I wanna say I met you at a hotel pool that we broke into with someone's room key.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Oh, the Miramar.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  You guys used to go to all the time.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  The Miramar, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  I think that was, uh, cuz I remember, yeah, falling in love with you immediately. Cuz you were not only so personable, you were a baseball player. You were fucking hilarious and charming.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  And I had heard so many stories at that point. That's why I wanted to go out there also because all we did was tell stories about our buddies back home. We'd just drink together and tell stories. And so at that point, I remember us being in the backyard of our house and we were just hugging on each other. Drinking. It was just very loving. And your mom was even there. She was there.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  She was used to that cuz we worked for her.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  At a certain point, she told you and I, all we were doing was hanging out and talking at the barbecue. And she's like, "Hey, you too. Let's go."

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Oh, break it up a little bit.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Talk to everybody else.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  That sounds like Laura.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  But Aaron gave you the ultimate compliment on an episode of, I think, Race to 270, which is, I don't know, Monica asked him, "Did you ever get jealous?" We were very good at being best friends, but then new people would come in and we'd have friendships with those people. And we really had a good thing. And then Aaron said, "I guess the only person maybe I was jealous of was Nate." He's like, "He was the only friend of Dax's I thought, uh-oh, this guy might be."

• 45:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, I said, "I just wanna..."

• 45:08Speaker 02

  I wanted to come out here and be part of it. I was like, "Well, fuck, he has someone that good." I wanna be part of it. I don't want Nate to go away. I need to come out and be part of it.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  That's interesting. I felt like all I wanted to do was be a part of what Dax was doing. He would drive across country. He'd go do a show and he'd get to hang out with his best friends. And remember, I knew all the stories about you. I was struggling a little bit. I was like, trying to find my way. I couldn't take four days off to go do it. And you got frustrated with me cuz I kept saying no. You weren't frustrated. You were kinda disappointed.

• 45:40Dax Shepard?

  Sure. What I wanted is for you to come to Michigan and to put on a show for you.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:45Dax Shepard?

  We did that for Kareem one year.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  And I wanted to.

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  And it was so fun. Get a junker car, go to the middle road.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  You guys went to that, some lot and just fucked up that car.

• 45:54Dax Shepard?

  The Ford Taurus.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  He came back and he was telling he had a blast and I was like, I was jealous.

• 45:59Dax Shepard?

  He was a city boy who had the full country experience.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was so jealous. I was like, I'd have been a much better guest than Kareem. That's how I was feeling in my head.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  I'd be a much better guest.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  You got an incoming.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Oh, oh no.

• 46:14Dax Shepard?

  Let's go, Cole. Want to do one question?

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 46:17Dax Shepard?

  Let's do a question. We'll see what kind of advice Nate has to offer.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Okay. Nate, this is a fun story.

• 46:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this is the perfect story for me.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  I even put your name on it.

• 46:26Dax Shepard?

  Not really even a question.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  It's not a question. It's kind of a fun story that we thought, well, we should read this with Nate.

• 46:32Dax Shepard?

  Let's do it.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Okay. Paul Hensler, he says, "I was accused of sexually harassing slash putting my fingers in a fellow male coworker's butt."

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  You don't have to be sorry. This is insanity. I've been thinking about it for two days.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  I feel blessed to never have that accusation lobbied against me.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  "I had a coworker who worked under me who was a terrible lazy worker.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  I would get on him because he would always fall asleep on lawnmowers while driving and just randomly all the time. He felt he was untouchable since we work for a school district." I would report.

• 47:16Dax Shepard?

  I can see that.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 47:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  I would report all the incidents that happened to my supervisor. He started getting verbal warnings and then physical write-ups. He never changed. In fact, got even worse with not getting the jobs done and always showing up late. I think he started to feel the heat and pressure from our bosses, so he decided to throw out some pretty off-the-wall allegations against me, claiming I was cussing him out all the time. I would always slap his ass and rub his shoulders constantly.

• 47:52Dax Shepard?

  Why would you rub shoulders with a guy you hate?

• 47:56Speaker 02

  The kicker, though, is that he claimed that I came up behind him one time, and I quote, "He inserted two, maybe three fingers into my bottom."

• 48:11Speaker 02

  None of this was true, and all of my fellow coworkers packed me up in this legal investigation.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  I believe it was all in retaliation of him being a shitty employee and trying to get the heat off of him. After a long, nine-month investigation-

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  -with interviews and multiple legal emails-

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  -I was found not to be at fault for any of these allegations. He was pretty much forced to resign, and now he is gone, and I am free of him. So, write a story!

• 48:44Dax Shepard?

  My favorite detail is two or three.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Right, that's the best part of the story.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  That was, that was in this guy's email to HR.

• 48:52Dax Shepard?

  I think it's wild if you make an accusation like that, that you haven't worked through the physics of all that. You have to slide your hand-

• 49:00Speaker 01

  Inside the jean.

• 49:01Dax Shepard?

  Inside the back of the jean of the belt.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  And get that finger into the butt hole.

• 49:04Dax Shepard?

  And then all the way through the butt crack, and you've not moved or run away.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  Or you're not in a position to do that. You're not making out in the closet.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's not naked men-

• 49:13Dax Shepard?

  That's what I'm saying. He would have to be naked on all fours, looking at something on the ground, distracted, where you could maybe get one, three fingers up an ass is gonna take some doing.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  I think that, first of all, when he gets down towards the asshole, when you're inside the butt cheeks, one finger goes inside the butthole, two are right on the edge. It's like, it's like that-

• 49:34Dax Shepard?

  That's with a lot of lube.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Anyone's gonna feel like that's, that's three. So I understand that.

• 49:40Dax Shepard?

  I think one might feel like three.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Let me say this about that. You know, it could also be if you're wearing sweatpants.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  And maybe he had big fingers.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  You can get the hand down in the back of sweatpants pretty fast.

• 49:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Without having to be in an embrace.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  Then I think you would have said, "I was wearing sweatpants one day."

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I think you're right.

• 49:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and also probably can't wear sweatpants on the job if you were for the school district.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  But you're on a lawnmower.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  He fell asleep on lawnmowers.

• 50:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that feels dangerous as hell.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Well, so he maybe mowed around for the school district.

• 50:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's a good job.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  But you're right, there's a lot of detail that's not covered up on that.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  He didn't think it through, yeah, I agree.

• 50:18Dax Shepard?

  There's a great Sedaris story about him talking to doctors, and he said almost every doctor he's ever met has a story about someone coming in with an object in their rectum. And they all seem to have a similar excuse, which is, "I fell down."

• 50:36Speaker 01

  That's what they say.

• 50:37Dax Shepard?

  Well, Nate, Tuck, this was so much fun.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Buddy.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  We could just hang out, by the way. We could go to Vegas.

• 50:43Dax Shepard?

  Yes, we go to the chicken ranch.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  It would be no different.

• 50:47Dax Shepard?

  Right, I know. Isn't it nostalgic?

• 50:50Speaker 01

  When you sit in the backseat, have you noticed the position? Look at my legs.

• 50:54Dax Shepard?

  Spread wide.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  And it feels totally natural to do it. It reminds me of when you're younger. You're hanging out, you're also like leaning.

• 51:01Dax Shepard?

  Leaning forward, yeah. No one's belted. Zero concern for safety.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  The fender better turns into something going right through the...

• 51:10Dax Shepard?

  Or pedaling through.

• 51:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, I love you. It's so fun to be with two of my very best friends of all time in one car.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Mmm, baby.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 51:20Dax Shepard?

  So good.