3 Rules To Master Self Control | Ed Mylett

Mastering Self-Control: 3 Rules You Need Today! Ever feel like your goals are within reach, but self-discipline keeps slipping away? In this episode, I’ve brought together some of the most powerful voices in personal development—Eric Thomas, Monica Aldama, Tim Grover, Ben Newman, Ryan Holiday, and Sam Acho—to tackle the fundamental rules for self-control. Self-discipline isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a skill you build daily. So together, we’re laying out three game-changing rules to help you focus, stay consistent, and reach the next level. First, I share a rule that transformed my productivity: identifying and eliminating “discipline stealers.” Whether it’s getting lost in sports highlights or scrolling on social media, these little distractions drain our focus and stop us from moving forward. When you understand what’s stealing your focus, you can cut it out and start making real progress. Eric Thomas digs into the power of “getting real” with yourself and committing to self-discipline. He shares how he had to face his own habits head-on to become the success he is today. Ben Newman talks about sacrifice and why real discipline often means choosing the harder path when the easy one is right in front of you. Tim Grover breaks down the mindset that made legends like Kobe and Michael the best in the world—the relentless pursuit of self-mastery and mental toughness. The next rule is about making discipline a habit by scheduling your priorities. From the outside, it might look like I’ve got ironclad self-discipline, but the truth is, I’ve built routines that keep me focused and performing at my best. Monica Aldama talks about her experience coaching college athletes and the importance of structure and accountability in keeping them focused on their goals. Sam Acho emphasizes that discipline isn’t just about scheduling work; it’s about making time for relationships and personal growth too. Finally, it’s all about keeping the promises you make to yourself. Ryan Holiday shares insights on how small, consistent actions are the foundation of self-mastery. Start with keeping small promises—whether it’s completing your morning workout or shutting off distractions at work—and let those victories build up your self-control over time. Key Takeaways: - Identify Your Distractions: Recognize and eliminate the things that drain your focus, so you stay on track. - Schedule Your Priorities: Treat self-discipline like a muscle and build routines that make high performance natural. - Keep Promises to Yourself: Start with small promises and let them grow into powerful habits of self-control. This episode is your roadmap for developing self-discipline that sticks. If you’re ready to cut out distractions, build routines that support your goals, and stay true to your vision, these three rules—and the wisdom from these guests—will set you up for success. Take action on these rules, learn from these legends, and start unlocking your full potential with the discipline to achieve your biggest dreams! Thank you for watching this video—Please Share it and get the word out! What part of this video resonated with you the most? Comment below! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth-based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content and they're on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free, tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com/ed. That's growthday.com/ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise.

• 1:27Ed Mylett?

  And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason. Over 20 years in business, over 12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff, borrow better.

• 2:08Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Mylett Show.

• 2:13Ed Mylett?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. So let's take a look at how do we expand our capacity? How do we increase our self-discipline? For me, and what I would recommend for you, is that it starts out by taking an honest look and audit at the things that take away from our self-disciplines. What are the things that rob you, that steal you from your disciplines? So in my case, for example, I'll give you some things that rob me of my disciplines, that take my focus away, take my attention away, that make it more easy to do than the things I need to do. For me, some of it's

• 2:56Ed Mylett?

  television. And in my own case, it is that. Like, I really do enjoy Netflix. I'll get captivated. When I wake up in the morning, one of the things I used to do is I would do a little bit of a morning routine, but then I'd find myself flipping SportsCenter on. A lot of the guys can probably relate to that. Or you flip on one of the morning TV shows. And all of a sudden, I've lost 30, 40 minutes into this abyss of things that really don't matter at that time. It's funny, my wife would say, "Haven't you already watched these highlights last night?" You're watching the same exact highlights again the next morning. And I'm like, "She's totally right." So for me, it's been sports, it's been Netflix, it's been watching sports on television. This robs me of my self-disciplines.

• 3:37Ed Mylett?

  Another thing for me is worry. Believe it or not, the emotion of worry, or the emotion of fear steals my self-discipline because I'm captivated in a problem that really hasn't even existed yet, probably won't exist, but I've given my attention and my energy off the task at hand. See, there's this fallacy. I've had people on my show that have taught this, that you can multitask. The truth is, there's really no such thing as multitasking. Your brain can only hold one process and one thought at one time. And so this idea that you can do three things at once, like I'll have the TV on in the background, but I'm going to write an effective chapter of my book. That is not true. That TV on in the background steals some of your self-discipline from you.

• 4:19Ed Mylett?

  For you, some of you, it might be that it's, it's a worry addiction. It might be addiction to a relationship, but these are the things you have to make a list of the things. For me, in a given day, what takes my self-discipline from me is worry, fear, and the process of watching screens, watching screens, scrolling through Instagram, scrolling through TikTok, watching YouTube, watching sports on television. So I've made lists of things that are my self-discipline stealers. And I haven't eliminated them, but I've reduced them and I schedule them in non-productive times. So it's not that I can't watch SportsCenter. It's not that I can't scroll TikTok or Instagram. I can do that, but I have to schedule it in times that don't take away from moving the needle.

• 5:04Ed Mylett?

  You've got to do moving the needle activities in your life. The most successful people do the highest impact things possible at any given moment or any given day. And the people that lose or that produce subpar results or average results, they still work very hard, but they don't do the needle-moving things. So in my fitness, for example, one of the needle-moving things is drinking water. That's a self-discipline that is required of me to stay in my peak physical state in every given day. I'm going to show you in a minute how I make sure I do that. And then I eliminate and I make a list of the things that take that away from me. One of the other things is I have to do breath work. I have to control my breathing. I love yoga now. I'm doing a lot of yoga and I have had to. What is it that eliminates that for me? One, it's getting up too late.

• 5:50Ed Mylett?

  Two, it's turning on that television and watching sports. So I've made lists of the things that rob me of my disciplines. The second thing in self-discipline is this. Show me your schedule. Show me your day timer and I will show you your life. If you show me your schedule today and what you do consistently in a given day, what you have scheduled, because what you schedule is a priority. Okay? So if you show me your schedule, I will show you your life a year to three years from now, based on today's schedule. So second thing in self-discipline is scheduling the things that matter, literally putting them in and having a time for them scheduled on a regular basis. This may seem trivial, but it's not because. There are things, I need self-discipline for me. One of the areas is like my personal friendships

• 6:34Ed Mylett?

  and relationships, even with my own family. And so for me, if I'm not careful, I won't have the self-discipline to make sure those aren't just maintained, but that they're growing and evolving in a way that's beautiful, that those people deserve in my life. And although this may sound orchestrated, I schedule those things that that that schedule makes me look like I've got self-discipline. Okay, but truthfully, it's just scheduled. So I have things in my calendar that says, text Bella, call Max, call mom. I have scheduled these things in my calendar. When I'm in my schedule, I will do the things that are in there. So a lot of times we just schedule our appointments, don't we? We just have appointments.

• 7:18Ed Mylett?

  And that's all we have in a calendar. At the end of the day, I didn't make my contacts. I didn't tell the people that I love that I love them. I didn't do the amount of emails I was supposed to do. I didn't take the time to write the chapter of my book. I didn't craft my social media captions. Things need to be scheduled. That's where self-discipline comes from. And then the third thing is I've built the habit of keeping the promises that I make to myself. The process of self-discipline is like a muscle that you can grow. And so I think the mistake many people make is they start with these huge things that they think require self-discipline. And unless they do these huge things, they lack it. Whereas I believe you start in the micro. You start small in life. And that's what builds the real discipline. So this may sound crazy.

• 8:02Ed Mylett?

  But I have eliminated and written down the things that take my my self-discipline away. I have scheduled the things that make me look like I have self-discipline. And then third, I start with the small promises I can keep to myself. And that's to this day, 25 years later on this journey, 35 years later on this journey, I still schedule things. I still do little things that create momentum. Because momentum, as I've said before, is a magnifier. Momentum can make an average, ordinary person like me produce superhuman results. So I create what might be considered artificial momentum every single day. So let me give you an example of that. I make my bed every single day. I've been doing that for many, many years. That seems insignificant, right?

• 8:46Ed Mylett?

  Cause I could pay somebody to make my bed every single day. That's not why I do it. I do it because it starts my day with discipline and it's something that I can control and I can maintain. I have a routine that I do, whatever your routine might be. For me, it could be the cold plunge or my prayer time or my meditation time, my stretching, my scripture reading. I do these things early in my day. These are promises that I can make to myself that create this identity of a self-disciplined person. When the truth is, I am not one. I have not been one, but I have created an identity of a self-disciplined person. Let me give you another one. I lay my clothes out the night before for the following day. I do this whether I'm staying in a hotel room or whether I'm staying at my own house.

• 9:30Ed Mylett?

  I know that sounds insignificant. It is extremely significant because now I've done something that I told myself I was going to do. And it's done. And when I wake up in the morning, I'm in autopilot mode. So these small things, the second thing I do, excuse me, the third thing I do. I have a big gallon of water that I pour the night before. And when I get up, I drink half of that water. It doesn't matter if you drank 10% of it, but it's something to start my day. Whoop, self-discipline, I've done it. When I point my mind as a weapon at the small things in my life and I start stacking those up that I do over and over and over again. Now the medium sized tasks are disciplined and the big ones are disciplined. And so I'm going to tell you that I don't think anyone has natural discipline.

• 10:15Ed Mylett?

  They build structures around them. They build systems around them. They schedule them and they eliminate the things that take from it. And over time, they build this identity where they seem like they're incredibly disciplined people. Remember this for a second. Your brain is always trying to conserve energy. It's always trying to conserve energy. It's trying to build a habit. It is trying to do this so that it doesn't have to work to think. And so the more you do these little things, your brain wants to continue to do them. It's not just a muscle, it's how the brain functions because now that it's just stuff that you do every single day, it doesn't have to think about it anymore. And under pressure in life, we act reflexively. Under pressure, we act reflexively.

• 10:59Ed Mylett?

  So if your reflex is to have these habits that serve you, your life becomes very easy. It also frees your brain up to be much more creative and innovative and energized and aware than people who don't have discipline. See, the benefit of discipline and self-discipline is not just that you get these things done. It's that your brain's not having to work so darn hard. See, when you don't have self-discipline, when you don't have things you do early in your day, when you don't keep promises to yourself, when you don't schedule the things, right? When you don't do those things, when you don't eliminate the things that rob you of your self-discipline, not only you're not getting stuff done, you're more tired. You're more physically exhausted. Here's the fallacy.

• 11:42Ed Mylett?

  People think self-discipline, people that get up, that work out, to do their stuff, to make their calls, that have these relationships, that are sending out a bunch of emails, that are making a bunch of contacts, they're tired. That's not the case because after a while, this is automatic. Their brain's not having to think about it, it's just what they do, it's their routine. Your brain, on the other hand, if you're not disciplined, isn't nearly as organized. So it's having to work to think through, to get back up, to start over, to restart, to get going again. It's constantly having to work and what you're doing is you're depleting yourself of the energies that could have gone towards creativity, focus, awareness, and intentional activities. Does that make sense? So actually, undisciplined people are more tired at the end of a day than disciplined people.

• 12:25Ed Mylett?

  And that's what I found. They say, "You're 52, you're working harder than you've ever worked in your dadgum life." Why? Because I have built all these structures around me and eliminated most of the things that take my focus and discipline away so that I am wired, man, with a ton of energy to create and innovate and think and be present in the moment because I have self-discipline. And self-discipline is a process, is a habit. It is not something someone's born with, and it's not very complicated. What has to happen is you gotta do it for a while. But now, the idea of not working out in a given day makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even imagine not working out. But way back in the day, I had to schedule it. I had to eliminate the sports center.

• 13:09Ed Mylett?

  I had to have the glass of water next to me. I had to have my workout clothes laid out the night before. I had to make my bed. Then I had to do my, do you follow what I'm saying? These things make the discipline part look much harder than it is. It's actually autopilot for me now. I don't have to think about it. So there's all these benefits to having self-discipline. And I want to share with you like almost my manifesto for self-discipline. And it's, it's quite old. So if you're watching this, you'll see this magazine. And if you're not, I'm going to give you a gift. You're here on the audio anyway. But here we go. This is from Newsweek magazine a little while ago. June 18th, 2001.

• 13:50Ed Mylett?

  So at the time that we're recording this, and by the way, stay focused in growth day all the time. This is one of the best things you can do is be in an environment that's conducive to self-discipline. That fosters it. That's what we're doing here. Right? This right here, what we're doing, this place you're doing this at creates self-discipline because the environment is constantly feeding you things that create the habits and rituals that make your life easier. But here we go. June 18th, 2001, Newsweek cover Tiger Rules. I have carried this magazine, two of them. I have two copies of them with me everywhere I have gone on business trips for 22 going on 23 years.

• 14:33Ed Mylett?

  I have read what I'm going to share with you thousands of times because it's about discipline, self-discipline, and the mindset that comes with being self-disciplined. Tiger rules. This was the prime of Tiger Woods' career. One of the most disciplined people of all time. Now, when I say discipline in his sports life, anybody who knows anything about sports, know the sports part of his life. In his prime, there was no more disciplined athlete in the history of sports. Would you agree with me on that? In his prime, in his sports life, there's never been an athlete more disciplined than Tiger Woods. And I wanted to be what he did in golf. I wanted to do in the business part of my life. And so there was this article and I've carried it now for almost 23 years. Okay. Here's what it's called.

• 15:18Ed Mylett?

  The Dominator. The Dominator. And it's five rules for Tiger Woods domination and self-discipline. Would you like to know what they are? Because this article, the dude who read this article 22, 23 years ago. Didn't have the mindset of self-discipline. I had the desire for self-discipline. I had some of the habits, but I didn't want to just do well in business, do well in life. I wanted to dominate. How many of you would like to dominate? I mean, go from average, ordinary, not just to win in, but dominance, dominate in your life. Whatever that area is, dominating the love parts of your, dominate in your emotions, dominate in business, dominate in the financial part of your life. Maybe dominate your former self, but be dominant in your life.

• 16:03Ed Mylett?

  At the end of this life, now I was dominant, right? I wanted to do that. And I don't think that that's a, a male or female thing. I'm talking about being great, becoming a goat, doing something awesome. And here's what happens 22, 23 years later. Stay with me on this, it's so awesome. I'm totally, the guy that started 22, 23 years ago is totally unrecognizable to me to the man that I am today. Would you like in 22 or 23 years, 25 years from now to look back and go, Kenny, I don't even recognize that person. It's the same, it's the same integrity, it's the same character, it's the same loving being. But I've become something so dominant, I've become almost like a machine.

• 16:46Ed Mylett?

  I, people look at me, you know, you heard audios I've done in the past where I say there's unaware people, that's one type of person, you don't want to be them. There's motivational people who can motivate you, they play on your motives. If you do this, you'll get a Lamborghini. If you do this, you'll get a house. If you do this, you'll get a relationship. They play on your motives, which is a very, it's a good thing. A lot of motivational speakers out there, motivational friends of yours. The third level is inspirational. Inspirational people take it to a different place, they can motivate you. They make you become aware, but they talk, they speak to your spirit. The root of inspirational is to be in spirit. These people are special. These people, you feel something when you're with them and you're around them or you hear them communicate. And then even from there, there's another level.

• 17:29Ed Mylett?

  That fourth level is aspirational. Aspirational is not only did you motivate, you made me aware, you motivated me, I'm inspired, but I want to be more like you. I want to be more like you.

• 17:42Ed Mylett?

  To me, in the sports world, Tiger Woods was not only motivational, and he was incredibly motivational, he was inspiring. You would feel things when he would win. But he was aspirational. I'd like to be more like him in my business life. I'd like to be more like him. I want to be a dominator. So I aspired to be a dominator, and I know you do too. You want to know what the five rules are? I'm gonna give them to you. These are the mindsets, not just the behaviors. These are the mindsets of a self-disciplined person. So, here we go. Here's what he says. Here's the article, by the way. You believe I still carry this thing? Here we go. Number one, genius is 99% perspiration. Perspiration.

• 18:25Ed Mylett?

  I had to hear that. I had to have someone give me permission to work really, really hard. And what they do in this article, by the way, is they interviewed other dominators. So they interviewed Martina Navratilova, the great tennis player. They interviewed Joe Montana, the incredible quarterback, football player. They interviewed Wayne Gretzky, the greatest hockey player of all time. All talking about Tiger and their similar mindsets. So this isn't just Tigers. This is the dominator mindset. 99% perspiration. It begins, "All the dominators agree with good old fashioned hard work. There's no magic pill, no such thing as effortless grace. At this level, talent is a given. But Tiger works harder than anyone out there, and that's why he's kicking butt," says tennis great Martina Navratilova, winner

• 19:07Ed Mylett?

  of 167 women's titles, including a record nine Wimbledon's. "Every great shot you hit, you've already hit a bunch of times in practice. The vast majority of athletes have a much lower tolerance for preparation. It's not the pain, it's simpler than that." Listen to this. "It's not the pain, it's simpler than that. 'Practice can be boring,' says Joe Montana, who led the San Francisco 49ers to four Super Bowl wins in the 80s." A lot of guys say, "Yeah, I watched two hours of game film last night, and that's enough." But they're not really studying what's going on. They may as well have been watching television. "Tiger's habit of pounding golf ball after golf ball long into the twilight, often during tournament play, has already become part of his legend." This was 23 years ago.

• 19:53Ed Mylett?

  During his so-called slump earlier this year, Woods claimed to be working on something special for his new swing in the Masters. People rolled their eyes until he won the Masters. Montana, like Woods, understands that such preparation pays off biggest and critical situations, moments when a bout of nerves could disrupt even the most basic play. Dominators can be wondrously creative when they have to be, but they're also geniuses of simplicity.

• 20:19Ed Mylett?

  In his famous fourth quarter drive to beat the Super Bowl champion Bengals, Montana threw nothing but short passes. No big strike, no fireworks, and no mistakes. No matter who you are, no matter how good an athlete you are, we're creatures of habit, says Wayne Gretzky, hockey's leading scorer and four-time Stanley Cup winner. The better your habits are, the better you'll be in pressure situations. I think I said that. I think I said that about 10 minutes ago. When I said, under pressure, you react reflexively. And so although these great people that you see have these unbelievable geniuses in creativity, what they really are, are greatest at the fundamentals, and they grind, and they hit more golf balls than everybody else. They throw more passes, they watch more game film, they make more contacts in business, they talk to more people,

• 21:03Ed Mylett?

  they see more people. And that number one rule gave me the permission and the habit of I've got to become self-disciplined if I'm going to be a dominator, and these are habits and rituals and routines. Everybody on the PGA Tour could hit golf balls. There's nothing special about that. It's who hit the most with the most intention, with the most focus. Tiger Woods did. And that's why Tiger Woods became Tiger Woods, and everybody else became everybody else. So if you want to become aspirational, level four, these self-discipline mindsets and thoughts, in addition to the structural things I said earlier, are the keys. How good is this? By the way, thousands of times I've read Tiger's rules on domination. Number two, let the other guy get nervous.

• 21:46Ed Mylett?

  Gretzky and Woods have one more critical thing in common, an almost creepy ability to keep their cool.

• 21:54Ed Mylett?

  "Believe it or not, the bigger the game, the calmer I got," said Gretzky. "The Dominators let the other guys flinch, the other guys get nervous, and that becomes a weapon on their behalf. I was comfortable because other people were nervous," says Yankee great Reggie Jackson, Mr. October, a title he earned with a startling spring of playoff runs, including the 1977 World Series, in which he homered a record five times. "Sooner or later, you're gonna rush and you're gonna make a mistake, and I'm not gonna do that." That helps explain why Woods, playing in a gentlemanly sport where the rivals directly can't affect each other's play, has nonetheless become known for rattling his opponents. Being paired with Woods is akin to when the disciples tried to save their boat during

• 22:35Ed Mylett?

  a storm, only be distracted by the sight of Jesus walking on water. You're not only aware of his superior skills, you're also dealing with a whole new set of variables, such as bigger galleries, oohs and ahs, et cetera, et cetera. So, listen, guys, what about you? Your peers in your industry? Anybody getting nervous? Anybody worrying about you? Anybody abstaining late at night, thinking how they're gonna compete against you? Do you get people under pressure to crack and flinch? And are they not concerned about you at all? See, in business, not only did I want to have the hardest work ethic, but I wanted people to think, "Man, I gotta be in my eye game to beat this dude." I wanted the people around me that were on my team to wanna rise up to the standard that I was setting at any given time.

• 23:19Ed Mylett?

  I want everybody else to get nervous and flinch, and under pressure, I was cool and calm. You remember this? Self-discipline, one of the things that comes with it, is a sense of emotional control. You don't get too high, and you don't get too low. See, self-disciplined people maintain emotional control. That's what they're saying in number two here. And I've learned that skill. I used to get very up and very down. Well, listen, when you're very up, your disciplines crack, right? And when you're very down, it's very difficult to be disciplined. But when you can stay somewhere in the middle, up and down, maybe 20, 25%, it allows you to stay self-disciplined in those moments. Number three. Don't just dominate, intimidate. Yeah, Tiger has repeatedly said that intimidation isn't a part of his game.

• 24:02Ed Mylett?

  But that's once he's on the course. He's thinking about nothing but his own shot making. Sure, once he's on the course, but what about when he's getting dressed in the morning? I love this, by the way. It's no coincidence that Tiger often pulls out a blood red sweater on his Sunday charges. Just as it wasn't by coincidence that Dale Earnhardt preferred dark sunglasses and drove a black and white stock car that looked like a 200 mile an hour pirate ship. Reggie Jackson during the 77 World Series was the last Yankee every day to take batting practice. Just before the Dodgers took the field, he claims he didn't care if they noticed, but you could tell he was watching. Before one game, Reggie crushed about 45 out of 60 balls over the fence. That night, he walked on four pitches in at first at bat and then hit three home runs.

• 24:47Ed Mylett?

  Bob Gibson, the ferocious pitcher from the St. Louis Cardinals, took intimidation a step further. He wouldn't even talk to guys on the other team, especially if they were hitters, says Gibson, who had a baffling 1.12 ERA. So here's what I'm saying here. This is what this means. You have to have the mindset that you are not going to think like everybody else. That you're going to think differently. And I'm letting you weigh on the inside here of self-discipline. This is deep, deep, deep, deep into it. But if you keep thinking like everybody else thinks. Right? You're not going to be great. And I know this stuff isn't always pretty to hear, but I'm going to tell you right now, this is what winning is. These are the little subtle thoughts that when you're, hey, good to see you, good to see you, but in your mind, you're like, they ain't getting to me.

• 25:33Ed Mylett?

  They don't have to play it at this level. They don't know this game. These are all the things. You start doing all this stuff. Plus what I said in the very beginning, eliminating the distractions, scheduling the right things. You gotta be kidding me. Moving needle activities next, the big stuff. Starting with simple practices that build self-confidence and build momentum. How about number four? This is huge, guys. Have a sense of the historic. You hear that? Do you have a sense of the historic that what you're doing is something great? I tell my family since we were, they were little kids, say the Mylett are gonna do something awesome. The Mylett are gonna do something, we're gonna do something psycho as a family. We're gonna do something incredible in business. I tell my colleagues, we're gonna do something so amazing, you guys aren't gonna believe when we get there. We're doing something awesome.

• 26:17Ed Mylett?

  This is a team of destiny. This is a company, the Mylett, a family of destiny. You have a sense of the historic. This gives you a context to want to be self-disciplined. Does that make sense? Why be self-disciplined if it's never gonna mean anything? That's the problem. One of the reasons we're not self-disciplined is it's never gonna mean anything. Who cares? No one's gonna notice. It's no big deal. What I do doesn't matter. It does matter. It's just your dad gum life. It's just the story of you. It's just your family name. It's just your reputation. It's just what they're gonna talk about when you're gone, is doing something historic. So whether that means you're gonna win a World Series or a Masters Golf Tournament, or just be the one in your family and change your family forever, you gotta have this sense that you're making history.

• 27:02Ed Mylett?

  Because by the way, you are. You're making some type of history. If you're a faith-based person, you know someday you're gonna account for it. There's gonna be a history of your life. And even if you're not, you gotta believe somewhere along the road, there's some record of your existence. So you're making history, so you might as well have a sense of it. And when you have a sense that that history is gonna be great, instead of average and ordinary, you begin to automatically become compelled to be self-disciplined. If you lack self-discipline, it's there's nothing compelling you to have it, other than wanting it. But if you have a sense of the historic, that's totally different. So he says this. Do you have to be, win the big ones to be a dominator?

• 27:45Ed Mylett?

  It's a subject of eternal debate amongst sports fans, but it shouldn't be. Tiger is the proof. He's at the head of a heavenly crew of athletes, not because he's won five of his past six tournaments, but because he's won five of his past six major tournaments. Every athlete says he wants to win major championships, but Tiger doesn't just want those moments of glory. Listen to this. He has an innate sense that he can't be a legend without them.

• 28:10Ed Mylett?

  In our lives, there's gonna be a bunch of every single day meetings, every single day encounters with people. And they seem inconsequential. But when you have self-discipline in these meetings and in these encounters with people and your relationships and business in the gym, whatever it might be, on an everyday basis, every once in a while, there's gonna be a big one show up. And you're ready for it when it happens because it's your habit. It's because it's your discipline. But when you aren't day-to-day prepared, here's the truth in life. When you're doing something historic or when it's a big meeting, most times you won't know it until years later. But if you look back at your life right now, the person you're married to is probably a chance meeting. Right?

• 28:55Ed Mylett?

  Or something you weren't even sure was gonna be significant to me. The business you're in, the company you work for, probably you weren't even planning on working there or even being in that business. See, our dreams often show up in life in packages that we don't picture, that we didn't dream of. And so it's that day-to-day staying ready and being ready until the important meeting comes, the major appointment comes, the major relationship comes. I always say that you're one more meeting, one more decision, one more relationship, whatever it might be, one new emotion, one podcast away from changing your life. But the hook is you will never know when it's actually happening. Okay, you will not know when it's happening until it shows up. So you're not gonna know when it's the big one. You'll only know after you've done it. Now, there are times in life you're like, this one really matters.

• 29:40Ed Mylett?

  You will not feel the pressure in this one really mattering when you've been great day-to-day and self-disciplined all the way along the way. You've heard great athletes say, it's just another game. It's not just another game, but the great ones can perform just like it's another game, just like it's another meeting, just like it's another appointment. Whereas the average, ordinary, the ones that fail feel the pressure because they haven't been disciplined consistently throughout their life or their business or their fitness. And they blow the big one. And it's true in life, the difference between winning and losing is so small, it really is almost too scary to talk about. If I look back at my own life, the very few occasions and meetings that took the massive difference in my life.

• 30:23Ed Mylett?

  It is scary to think about had I not shown up and performed in that meeting. Or I had not done the right thing on that first date. It's amazing even in your own life, isn't it? And so that's why day to day being ready, day to day having self-discipline, day to day having these habits and the mindsets to go with them matter because you never know when it's coming. And the fifth one, this is big. This is why a 52 year old is this fired up today talking to you. Ready? Never ever be satisfied. Never ever be satisfied. Most athletes work the hardest when they're trying to reach the top. So do most business people. Try, once they can get to that hundred thousand dollars, they worked hard. Once they get to that million dollars, they've worked as hard as they can work.

• 31:06Ed Mylett?

  The great ones work even harder after they get to the hundred thousand, harder after they get to the million, harder after they're famous, harder after they've got a big following, harder after they get that promotion. They work harder in their loving relationships after they've got the one that's the one. But most people work hardest to get them. And once they have them, they don't work as hard to keep them or to grow it. The great ones work even harder after they get what they want, who they want. Wouldn't you love to be in a relationship with somebody who works so hard to get you? And then once they got you worked even harder the rest of your life to keep loving you? Wouldn't you love in business, someone who had a goal to get to a million dollars or a hundred thousand dollars? And when they got there, they worked even harder.

• 31:51Ed Mylett?

  But we all know in life, that's not true for most people. But the great ones, the dominators, the goats, the self-disciplined people, they work even harder when they get there. So most athletes work the hardest when they're trying to reach the top. But Tiger has seemed only more committed to improving his game since leaving the competition in the dust. Woods won his first Masters by the largest margin in history in 1997. But he knew that he wouldn't reach Jack Nicklaus' mark of six green jackets without a jolt of his game. So he spent the next 18 months literally retooling his thunderous swing. And it goes on to give you more and more examples about that. Talks about Michael Jordan in here and compares him to Michael Jordan. But I want you to think about that in your own life, those of you listening to it. How hard did you work when you were totally broke?

• 32:33Ed Mylett?

  And now that you're not, do you have that same hunger and work ethic? How hard did you work to lose that first 20 pounds to get in pretty good shape? But are you working even harder now to get the ultimate health and vitality in your life? How hard did you work to get your spouse or your girlfriend or your boyfriend in your life? Are you working even harder now to love them more? Cause that's what the dominators do. That's what self-discipline is. This episode is sponsored by Ro. A lot of people assume GLP-1's cost a fortune and that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment. Ro helps people find a more affordable path to FDA-approved GLP-1 treatment. Ro wants to help people lose weight. That's why they have more affordable GLP-1 options, whether you're paying with insurance or cash.

• 33:18Ed Mylett?

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• 33:59Ed Mylett?

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• 34:41Ed Mylett?

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• 35:03Ed Mylett?

  Very short intermission here folks, I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. So this is Eric Thomas, as you all know. And in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time. I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator. So we're both free now. But you talk a lot about how important routine is to getting you to freedom. Right? So speak to routine a little bit because I, we both agree about this. You say it in a more powerful way than I do. But for someone listening to this, talk about routine. Because if you want, everyone wants to be free. One of the challenges, they act free before they are. You know what I mean? Like you, you, there's a certain amount of disciplines and routine and habits and rituals you gotta have

• 35:47Ed Mylett?

  that could get you free at one point. Talk about that for a second.

• 35:50Eric Thomas?

  Yeah, I'm gonna say honestly, man, you know, I came to the realization one day. And again, love my biological father, you know, much respect. Much respect for the person that raised me.

• 36:01Eric Thomas?

  But I realized at some point, when I looked at my family's history, I was like, some things I don't want. There's some things I want, but there's some things I don't want. And then I remember having to say one of it to myself, like, yo, you are your father's child. Like, yo, even though you didn't, he didn't raise you, even though in the beginning you guys had, you know, whatever little stuff y'all need to get through. E, don't lie. You are lazy at times. You know what I'm saying? Like, E, you are super social and you'd rather talk than work. You know what I'm saying? I just had to grow up one day and just be real with myself and just say, E, the only way you're gonna be successful is you gotta discipline yourself. You know, when you look at, uh, when you look at a horse, I'm talking about a thoroughbred, it still needs that, what is that thing called that they put on it?

• 36:45Eric Thomas?

  It, it still, he needs that without, you know, you can't, you, you gotta control him. You know, he got a lot of Jews, got a lot of, he can go for it. But you, you gotta, you gotta hone that. And so I realized like, yo, E, you'd sleep in, you'd play video games. Don't lie to yourself. You, you are powerful, but you have some vices. And you have some vices that'll take you down a crazy road. Like you are your father, you are your grandfather, you are your mother, you are your grandma. And so I started saying, okay, E, you gotta discipline yourself. And this is for me, this ain't for everybody. I started getting up at three o'clock in the morning. It was like, yo, you're gonna have to get up a little bit earlier because you didn't finish school. You didn't take care of your business. So you can't get up the same time another man who gets up, who handle his business.

• 37:28Eric Thomas?

  So you need to get up at three if you're gonna catch the greats. You gotta get up at three. You gotta go to bed early. This is why I said, I never drank or smoked because the men in my life who did it were extremists. I had an uncle who died, so roasts of the liver. You know, I had other uncles who drank and, and my father, bless his heart, but he was strung out on drugs for about fourteen years. And I was just like, yo, E, you can see that they don't know how to do it casually, like, they ain't social drinkers, like, they ain't social on substance. They taking it to a whole other level. And so for me, it was like, E, you gotta discipline yourself. You're not gonna die if you never know what alcohol tastes like. But if you taste it, you might have the same experience they had. So you just gotta discipline yourself. You know, I do vegan most of the time, you know what I'm saying? And I tell people, I love fried chicken.

• 38:13Eric Thomas?

  I love macaroni and cheese. I love a lot of dessert. But in my family, it's diabetes. So it's like, yo, E, if you do what they do, then you're gonna get the results they got. So you, yeah, chicken is good and macaroni and cheese, the way my grandma make it is great. And yes, the pound cake is phenomenal. But if you wanna be with Didi for the next thirty, forty years, and you wanna be able to walk, you know what I'm saying? You don't wanna be on the cruise. I was just on the cruise. And they, a couple people, you know, was on the motor scooter, you know what I'm saying? People with the kang and the walkers. And I'm not mad at them. But I'm like, I don't want that. I wanna be able to walk at sixty, at seventy. I wanna be independent at eighty, if I can be. So I'm gonna have to make some sacrifices now for the long run. I would drink pop every day if I could.

• 38:54Ed Mylett?

  Is everybody hearing this, though? Like, I mean, listen, all of us that wanna win, like, you already said, like, I gotta get up at three o'clock in the morning if I'm gonna catch the greats. Cause I started with some deficiency. Successful people are very self-aware. Like, they don't BS themselves, right? Like, I have laziness, too. I love laying around. I love sleep, right? No, but before, I wouldn't have got to sleep here if I, if I was just me. I had to get these rituals and habits and disciplines. And people think, sometimes they listen to me and go.

• 39:22Eric Thomas?

  were so intentional like these dudes are freaks. I'm not a freak. But you know what I said that because it makes it easier for them to say I can't do it if they freaks then I can't do.

• 39:33Ed Mylett?

  That's their out. You're exactly right. And I'm not gonna give you that out. Neither are you. Like, I'm lazy. I gotta get up early. I gotta get up because if I don't get up by like, I get up at four thirty five, but if I don't get up by then, I will be in bed at eight o'clock. I have to get up. I have to move my body. So I'm with you a hundred percent. My guest is Monica Aldama, who you guys all know from Cheer. She's also got a new book out called Full Out. So Monica, thank you for being here.

• 39:54Monica Aldama?

  Thank you for having me.

• 39:55Ed Mylett?

  I have to make a confession. Before I watched the show, I didn't think cheer was a sport. I didn't. I'm looking at, you know, pom poms and whatever I've seen in a movie before. And then I watched this. These are unbelievable athletes. Incredible. And the danger level of what you all do. So just quick education on cheer, but then we're gonna get into like lessons on life and coaching and leading people in business too. But this, when did this change? Like, where have I been? All Star Cheer is like this thing that sort of turned it, I guess, a little bit, right? But like, just if people haven't seen the show, explain to us how this is a absolutely very detailed sport.

• 40:35Monica Aldama?

  Yeah, I mean, cheerleading has definitely changed it over the years, even from when I was, you know, a cheerleader myself. When I cheered in the late eighties and around that time, late eighties, early nineties, All-Star Cheerleading came about. And that really changed the industry in its entirety. We did competitive cheerleading in high school, but it was on a much smaller level. And what happened with All-Star Cheerleading, we started seeing where these kids were trained from basically birth or really like three years old, you could have an opportunity to compete. And they. So they created these opportunities for people to be coached by really great coaches.

• 41:18Monica Aldama?

  Cause you know, in school cheerleading, a lot of times you have your science teacher that's the sponsor and, and it really is not at, there's no education behind it. So there's no coach that's qualified to really uh get you to the next level. Uh for my, for myself, I did gymnastics until I was able to do school cheerleading. So um I think that's what a lot of people did. They had a gymnastics background if they were interested in it. But anyways, it just, it provided this platform where kids could come in and like grow from a very young age. Just like with club baseball, you go and you start travel ball and you're playing at an elite level from an early age. And all-star cheerleading also uh you compete many times throughout the year.

• 42:01Monica Aldama?

  So your experience is just every single year, you're gaining more and more experience. So by the time you get to me at college, uh I saw from the time I started and you know, until now, just the evolution of this and the talent was growing and these kids were coming more and more experienced. And of course it made my job easier, but um it definitely all-star cheerleading changed um everything about cheerleading. And hopefully cheer changed everybody's opinion of it because it definitely competitive cheerleading is not your pom poms and your sideline, you know, just trying to look cute.

• 42:39Ed Mylett?

  It's mind blowing, everybody. If you haven't seen the show, one, the discipline level, the athleticism, and frankly, the danger level of the precision of what they need to do. And then it comes down to about two minutes and 15 seconds for the whole deal is just compelling. The stories of the, the way it's done, it's so funny to tell you, Monica, I'm a dude, right? I'm, the way I found out about your show is I'm, I'm golfing, you're playing with dudes like, hey, did you see the Laker game last night? You see this, you watch Ozark on Netflix, you know, and then over and over, guys like, have you seen cheer? On Netflix? I'm like, what the hell are you cheer? Like, and then they're like, bro, you need to see this. It's unbelievable and you gotta see this coach. And I'm like, finally about 11 or 12 different men on golf courses told me this. I'm like, I gotta see it.

• 43:21Ed Mylett?

  And then it's one of these things like you're gonna binge it. You can't, the stories of these precious kids that are there and Monica, it's just, it's awesome. So I just wanna acknowledge the show. It's so, so good. But so is this book. And very rarely do you get someone who's won 14 national championships, write a book and say, let me show you about my formula, my recipe for leadership. And again, this applies as an entrepreneur, for you one-on-one in your life, you as a parent, you're gonna love this book, but I want to go to someone like this, the foundation. Chapter one is called Discipline is a Gift. And then you talk about something called, so here we go, guys. There's like, if you're driving in the car, you're wish you could pull over. You say, you call it compassionate discipline,

• 44:02Ed Mylett?

  and it's a perfect description of what I observed of you in your coaching style. So just talk about that a little bit for a minute, compassionate discipline and why it's a gift.

• 44:12Monica Aldama?

  Well, you know, I think discipline is a good thing. And I think a structure is a good thing and expectations. And a lot of times, you know, people come from all different backgrounds and they don't really have those at home. And those are the things that really can take you to the next level. And but also being empathetic and being able to relate and make them feel like you care about them. Because at the end of the day, people are gonna go that extra mile when they feel appreciated and when they feel like you care. And so obviously, I'm a mother. And so my perspective is how would I want someone to treat my child? How would I want, not only my child, but how would I want someone to speak to me?

• 44:57Monica Aldama?

  You know, and so I try to discipline with a mutual respect. And I'm not a yeller. You know, I think a lot of people think of being tough and disciplined as yelling. And you know, we see the typical football, you're in your face. And I like passion too, and we can have those moments of passion. But I think the biggest part is there needs to be, there's a big learning curve when when 18-year-olds go to college and they're off on their own for their first time. And they need the rules and they need to be held accountable, but they also need some understanding and some love. And I think it's just a great combination for people to want to listen and want to do better. And

• 45:43Monica Aldama?

  You know, yelling doesn't do it. You know, you have to have a combination of something else.

• 45:49Ed Mylett?

  You do that really well. I want to go a little deeper on it because I'm just thinking about different moments in the show where even in the season one, the one of the first shows where the girl's gonna be at the top of the, what I call the pyramid, hurts herself and you're like, we're gonna have to take her out and put someone else in and, and you, these situations happen in business all the time. Most people avoid confrontation in life, even in their marriage. They'll let it stack and stack and stack. You have this really interesting thing because you're firm and you're incredibly truthful, right? Very, very truthful, like, but yet you do do it in a loving way. Do you ever step back and like, if you have an emotion, like you're upset with them, do you ever like let it breathe a minute before you communicate? Do you have anything you do? Because that's to me, maybe your great strength.

• 46:34Ed Mylett?

  And the other one we're gonna come up with in a minute is what this loving, very candid feedback, though. Most people don't do either one of those things. Do you, are you conscious of doing it that way?

• 46:43Monica Aldama?

  I mean, yes, I think so because I think if we, especially with coaching, if I am not direct, it can lead to confusion or expectations that are not real on their, on their part. And I, I would want someone to be honest with me so that I, and even if it makes me upset, I mean, I can deal with it and I can move forward. If I'm constantly in a state of, well, maybe I, you know, maybe I have a chance at this or maybe I'm, you know, I, that's unfair, I think, to them. If you give them direct feedback and expectations and

• 47:20Monica Aldama?

  then it gives them very specific goals to work for and know what they need to do. If they, you know, don't make that, what do I need to do to make that? Well, to be honest, you know, this is where you're at and, and, you know, I don't know. I just would want someone to be honest with me and not let me sit there, you know, thinking that I have a chance at doing something when the reality is if I don't have this specific skill or, you know, if I'm not working on this particular thing, I'm not going to be able to get that spot. Um, also it gives them a goal, like I said, to work for if they know that, oh, this is, this is the one thing I'm missing. Let me go and put some time into that and work on it. But like I said, I really honestly have always come from a place of, I want to

• 48:04Monica Aldama?

  Have respectful conversations and speak to them in a way I would want to be spoken to, which is why I'm not a yeller. I don't want to feel uh like someone is being condescending or uh embarrassing me. I don't think embarrassing anyone. And of course, it happens at times because sometimes we're in a moment and you know, you're gonna be really direct at that moment. Uh but for the most part, uh I think pulling people to the side and having these open, honest, direct conversations in a very loving way is that's that's what's worked for me. And yes, I sometimes I do need to take a moment. I don't know if you've seen season two, but you know, I'm like, you know, I need to walk outside because I don't have a good,

• 48:46Monica Aldama?

  I don't have a good attitude right now and it's gonna probably spill over in, you know, how I start coaching in a minute. So I'm just gonna go and like fix myself. Um but yeah, I think that, you know, it I feel like I earn their respect and and to me, honestly, the the biggest thing of leadership, whether you're leading your family, your children, or whatever, is they have to respect you. And so I really work on myself a lot so that I'm earning that respect.

• 49:16Ed Mylett?

  Hmm. It's interesting. You use that word a lot. Use it with them. I was thinking, I mean, I'm I do these interviews. I get to share them with everybody, but a lot of times they're for me, you know, and I reflect on myself when I was early in my business career before I had kids. Um, cause you're intense. Just so you guys know, this is an intense woman. You don't win fourteen national championships if you're not one crazy person.

• 49:39Ed Mylett?

  She's a crazy person, just so you know. By the way, I think crazy is good. I love crazy people. Weird, rich and successful, normal, poor and unsuccessful. So I like that you're crazy. I'm crazy. But when I before I had kids, I think I had disrespectful conversations sometimes with people. And something about having babies, I went, I would never want someone to speak to my son or my daughter that way. So you use that word respect a lot, both how you treat these young people and yourself. And a lot of times as a leader, when you've won a bunch of titles and you're the coach and they're a kid, it'd be easy to have a disrespectful tone. And as a business owner or an entrepreneur, same thing in business. I own this place. You work for me. It can come across as disrespectful. So I want to really highlight that part of it. And and it's something that she does incredibly well and it's how you galvanize a group. The other thing, the second thing I think you're incredible

• 50:24Ed Mylett?

  at is instilling belief. In people and getting each of them to believe in themselves and getting them to believe as a collective team as well. Is that something you think about consciously and you're always sort of like embeddedly commanding belief into people?

• 50:40Monica Aldama?

  I think so for sure. I think I'm careful with my words and it, you know, it comes with that championship culture. You have to have everybody buy in, not only to the program, but to themselves as well because they are at such an elite level. If they start doubting themselves, you know, it'll affect their performance. But, um, you know, I think our culture, we, I worked really hard in, in having that, that culture and the athletes have always bought in and it makes my job a little bit easier because they are holding each other accountable on that as well. But, um,

• 51:20Monica Aldama?

  I, I definitely choose my words wisely and when there are in, you know, situations where we're going through something difficult or we're struggling or whatever, I have to keep in mind that I'm the one they're looking to, to know like if we're in a storm, we're going to get out of the storm. If we're having a tough day at practice, it's okay because tomorrow's a new day and we're gonna, we're gonna hit that pyramid or whatever, whatever. I mean, we go through, you know, just struggling in practice or bigger things that are happening within the team or with different people. So I always know that I have to be that support and that, that calm within the storm. And so I do

• 52:00Monica Aldama?

  choose my words wisely and I try to always keep it in a, um, positive. Like we're gonna overcome this. I mean, you saw in season one when, um, you know, when Austin got hurt on the bench, that's never happened before. In my mind, I was terrified. I thought this is, I, I don't know how we're gonna overcome this, but I knew that. Everyone's looking at me and I was like, oh, we've got this. It's we're y'all did amazing like all all these positive things, you know, that I'm trying to, you know, it's not that big a deal. We have this. We've practiced this over and over. That's not what I was thinking in my head. I was going through. I was going through some stuff.

• 52:42Ed Mylett?

  No, that's one big thing as a leader is not showing hurt and showing, I call it equanimity, calm under duress and pressure. Right. And it's just, these are things you hear all the time. And you go, yeah, I know, but do you really do them? If you're listening to this, think about your family for a second. Your family has a culture. Are you conscious of it? Cause a lot of times you bring the culture from the family you grew up in into your new family unconsciously.

• 53:07Monica Aldama?

  Yep.

• 53:07Ed Mylett?

  Your little things like if you weren't hugged a lot when you were a kid, maybe you don't hug your kids as much, you know? There's just, there's a cultural thing. How do you build a culture? By the way, I know that's a broad question, but like, you know, is that something you start? You go, I'm going to build something here special. Is it one of these things where you want people to feel special that they're at Navarro College? You put on our uniform. There's something special about being here. Is it, do you, do you think about those things? Or is it just like the culture just becomes a reflection of the coach?

• 53:33Monica Aldama?

  I think it just becomes a reflection because I was very young when I started. I mean, I had zero, I had zero experience. I

• 53:40Ed Mylett?

  You're basically right out of college, right? For everybody's understanding.

• 53:43Monica Aldama?

  Yeah. And I, and I had no intention of coaching ever. I, you know, have a business degree in finance and I honestly, my ultimate goal was to move to New York City and work on Wall Street. I thought for some reason, I thought that was the ultimate goal that I should look towards them. Um, but I, I was, I graduated college early. So I was 21 when I graduated and um, moved to Dallas. I married my high school sweetheart. We moved to Dallas for a year and I was working at a computer company that I really not, I was just the, the first job offered to me to pay the bills to, you know, to figure out what we were going to do.

• 54:22Monica Aldama?

  And um, a friend of mine was the baseball coach at Navarro and he called me one day and he was like, hey, our cheerleading coach is leaving. You should come and apply for this job. And I was like, well, I've I don't know. I mean, um, it was, it was, uh, my, I grew up there. So I was like, I guess I could do that. I don't really, really don't like. What I'm doing right now and it'll be a good stepping stone. Give me some time to figure out what I want to do. Uh, you know, so I applied for the job, no coaching experience at all. Like I said, I'd only been out of college for a year. And, um, got the job and so I, I basically learned everything from.

• 55:05Monica Aldama?

  Trial and error and just studying my butt off because. I was, you know, I got there and there were only fourteen people on the team when I got there. And so of course they'd never won. They weren't not good. They were decent, you know, but they were not. Nobody knew who we were by any means. And, um, so I, I'm very competitive and I was like, you know, I want to build this program up. Like, uh, even if I'm here for a year or two, like, I want to be the best because that's just if I'm, you know. Playing a card game, I want to win every single time. That's, that's just who I am. I'm competitive and I want to be the best at whatever I'm doing. So. I started, you know, trying to learn and figure out how to, to do that. And I really just took everything that I learned in business because.

• 55:47Monica Aldama?

  I thought, well, you know, to earn the ultimate respect, I need to win a national championship. That's what I need to do. And how am I going to do that? You know, we, we have fourteen people on the team. Um, uh, so I just started. You know, I thought, actually, this is what I did. I was like, how do I win a national championship? Well. I get the most points. How do I get the most points? Well, let me look at the score sheet. I need to maximize my points in all of these categories. How do I do that? Okay. Well, this means that we're going to need to get really good in the, all these categories. So. I kind of started, you know, from the goal and worked backwards and tried to, you know, recruit people. And at that time it was not, I mean, I literally was going into the weight room. I see a big guy and I'm like, hey, would you be interested in coming and letting us teach you how to throw some.

• 56:32Monica Aldama?

  Yeah. I mean, because you know, I mean. Cheerleading, the, the talent pool wasn't as big because it, like I said, it was right at the start of all-star cheerleading. There weren't a lot of guys. A lot of the guys that were involved, really, they got involved uh because their girlfriends were a cheerleader. They played football. They were like, oh, they started throwing some people around and figure and realized how, you know, it's kind of like addicting to you how, what, what, well, what's, what else can I do? And so, um, you know, it, early on, there just weren't a lot of males, you know, out there to recruit. So we're just recruiting and really teaching uh the guys that, you know, I, I did actually have some boyfriends of the girls that, that we taught and pulled into, to the team. So, um, just started there and, you know, built, um,

• 57:16Monica Aldama?

  I didn't, so like I said, I didn't go in and go, oh, I'm gonna build this championship culture. I was really just like, wait, what, what? I, I, I wanna win, so let me start there. And then it just started kinda coming together, but I always knew like, what kind of person I am. And I thought the most important thing, like I said from the beginning, was I need their respect and I need to make sure that I'm working on myself to earn that. And I wanna make sure I'm living my life by leading by an example and doing what I expect them. So I really tried to make sure that in my own personal life, I was, you know, being a good person. And, you know, if I expect you to do this, I'm gonna do it times a thousand. I'm gonna,

• 57:56Monica Aldama?

  I'm gonna show you how to do it through my actions. And so, um, because of that, I would, the buy-in was pretty quick. You know, I was, these kids were buying in because they were like, I wanna, they, they wanted to make me proud. I mean, I've heard that so many times. Yeah. And so I really think that that was how we started building this. I was doing my job by, by being a good leader and by being a good example, and they wanted to follow that example.

• 58:26Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I think that, you said so much there. You know, the first thing that you said was about being competitive. Every single person that I've ever been around, they have a crazy competitive streak. It's this invisible thing. They're psychos. They're just, they're just different. They want to beat you at everything they do. And this is a telling lesson for you guys that are building a team. Cause she has a whole chapter in the book on recruiting. And I think one of the things you should look for is competitive people. The second thing that she said there that just, I want to make sure we unpack because I think great leaders are sort of aspirational people, meaning they want to live a certain way themselves. They aspire to be a certain way. And then when you're in their presence, whether it's a Tom Brady

• 59:06Ed Mylett?

  or a, a John Wooden, or yourself, or any great leader, you want to make them proud because you respect them. If you start connecting the dots of Monica's mindset, because a lot of times people just do things unconsciously very well. And, but I like to unpack them. There's this respect thing, both ways, which is then aspirational. And then if you get someone competitive, they want to make you more proud than other people are making you proud. And now you've got this thing, you can't really describe, but it wins. And it builds a culture. I've wanted this guy on a long time because his work is so unique. And we have a bunch of mutual friends who keep telling me how incredible he is. I expect him to prove that to all of us today. He is a prolific author and I call him one of the great thought leaders

• 59:50Ed Mylett?

  of our time. We're gonna have an amazing conversation today about you with him, Ryan Holiday. Welcome to the show.

• 59:57Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, thanks for having me.

• 59:58Ed Mylett?

  The chapter of the book, by the way, the title of the book, rather, everybody is Discipline is Destiny, The Power of Self-Control. You just gotta get it. It's loaded. Low-did. So this is a goofy question, but I want to finish with it. What actually is discipline? What is discipline to you?

• 1:00:14Ryan Holiday?

  As I'm doing this series on the four virtues, I define courage as the willingness to put your ass on the line for what you believe in. I say discipline is the willingness to keep your ass in line. Right? This is what I know I need to do. I'm gonna do it. Wisdom is knowing what to do, right? Discipline is the willpower, the strength, the self-control, the self-mastery to do it. Seneca says, he is most powerful who is under his own power. That's what it is. You are you, it's not, hey, do I have control over other people? A lot of people have that, but do you have command, control over yourself? That's what discipline is.

• 1:00:52Ed Mylett?

  I love it. He says in the very beginning of the book, that in order to master anything, you must first master yourself. And I believe that so strongly. And it sounds like you're creeping up on doing that, brother. I think, I think you're doing that. And you helped me today. I know you helped millions of other people too. So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time? That sweater that kind of just goes with everything or these perfect pair of pants? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high quality wardrobe staples with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. It's what I'm wearing right now. They give you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the

• 1:01:33Ed Mylett?

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• 1:02:17Ed Mylett?

  your supplement routine, finally, once and for all. 16 supplements replaced 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink. You can have all these supplements for $2.61 a day. I've changed my mornings. The whole IM8 routine has changed my mornings. I feel great and I bring energy to the entire day. Go to im8health.com/ed10 right now or click the link in the description and use code ED10 for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order. That's code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. Code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This

• 1:03:02Ed Mylett?

  product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 1:03:07Ed Mylett?

  That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. A gentleman that I have on the show today has written a brand new book that I love. It's called Uncommon Leadership: 11 Ways Great Leaders Lead. In fact, I love it so much, I wrote the foreword. Ben Newman, welcome to the program.

• 1:03:26Ben Newman?

  Ed, my brother, you know how much you mean to me and the opportunity to be with you. And I'm so grateful for you writing the foreword and just couldn't be any more excited to be with you and your listeners.

• 1:03:37Ed Mylett?

  All right, we talked about routines. How about an evening tip? So my routine is mainly morning focused. I'll be candid. I think sort of like you. I'm an early riser. I want to, if I can get to win that first part of my day, I feel like there's a high probability I'm going to win the middle, right? And probably the end. Are there things you do as your day winds down that you think are worthy of sharing with everybody here?

• 1:04:00Ben Newman?

  So I'm going to rock the boat a little bit here on this one, but I think you might be on my side of the fence here. You know, if anybody really follows Ed, you see awesome memories with Bella. You see him inviting Bella and her friends. They're out on the boat. They're going to dinners. They're enjoying their favorite things. It's you and Max on the golf court. It's you and Christiana traveling together. So you believe that balance does exist. That would be, that would be my belief as I watch your behavior and as I love how you show up every day.

• 1:04:30Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:04:31Ben Newman?

  That's a great example for me. And it's something I've always believed. I actually have a bookend to my days. I don't have meetings at seven o'clock at night, eight o'clock at night, nine o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night. Because if I do that and I never turn it off, my family doesn't get my time. There is no balance in my life. And I believe that you will not perform at your highest level. I think the world has been conditioned, I'm going to grind 36 hours a day and I'm just going to grind. I understand where that comes from. But I would offer this as an example, or something, an opportunity, I should say. Try actually giving your family your unconditional love and mindset. Now, given, my mind might wander.

• 1:05:15Ben Newman?

  There's something, you know, we got a big game coming up or I'm working on, there's a big talk or something. So I may sometimes my mind will wander and I'll take a note. I'm not perfect here, but I do my best to have a bookend. And so when I'm home, because I travel as much as I do, my day's over at 5:30, no later. And I've done that for years. Now, in the event, there's something that does come up every now and again. But it's become a standard for me. I love to cook for the family. And it actually, for me, it slows me down. So at 5:30, if I start cooking, I'm relaxing. What does everybody want to eat? We enjoy a meal around the table together. That makes us better.

• 1:05:54Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:55Ben Newman?

  And so I get up early so that I don't have to work until seven or eight at night. So greatness takes sacrifice. You have to sacrifice something if you want balance. The easy way is to follow the lead. And I'm gonna be a little bit direct here because I care that much about the people listening. People easily follow the lead of the person who has no discipline and has no balance because that's easier. Hey, I don't, I'll work out when I work out. I'll do, because they're not disciplined in their own lives. Yet if you want to be disciplined and have others lead and be the example, you have got to make sacrifice somewhere.

• 1:06:34Ben Newman?

  So for me, all the way back to when I was a financial advisor years ago, I had clients, Ed, I'm talking clients making a million dollars a year. And I used to meet people at the cigar club at the Ritz. And they would literally joke with me. I'm talking about people, they were huge clients. And they'd say, Ben, it's 5:15. I know you're leaving. You're about to get the bill.

• 1:06:53Ed Mylett?

  That's.

• 1:06:54Ben Newman?

  And so they would make fun of me, Ed, but they actually respected it.

• 1:06:58Ed Mylett?

  They respected it.

• 1:06:59Ben Newman?

  They knew they're like, this guy literally is going home at 5:30. I could talk to him about something else for business, but he promised his family he was gonna be home. And so I believe if you want balance, you have to build balance and believe that you can have it. I know it's a long-winded answer.

• 1:07:15Ed Mylett?

  No, it's powerful because Ben, Ben is up so early and trained so regimented that I think it's wonderful that you share your recuperation time, that you're not a robot. It took me years to start to, people say, I think you're Superman or a robot. You're not even human. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like, I like Cheetos too, you know, and I like TV and I take time off. So I love that you share that, number one. But number two, again, people will listen and go, oh, hey, Ben Newman said I'm done at 5:30, so I'm done at 5:30. That's not what he said. What he actually said was, he gets up extra early, makes that sacrifice where his day begins so much earlier than most people, gets so much done by 6:00 a.m. That he can have that for his family. He's eating it for his family at four o'clock in the morning.

• 1:07:59Ed Mylett?

  He's getting up or every time he gets up that day so that he can have this. And so it's a trade off. I love how granular and detailed we're getting because it's it's one of the things that most people wouldn't know about you or me is that I do recuperate. I do rest. I'm much I show up present because of it. I we're all human. And if we're just depleting ourselves all the time, we're not effective and eventually we'll burn out. Me and Ben been at this a long time. Right? And one of the reasons, one of the things longevity demands is some form of recuperation and a separation from the grind, so to speak. That's how you do stuff 30 years. You can't do stuff 30, 20 years if you don't do that.

• 1:08:42Ben Newman?

  I actually wake up at 2:24. And so the next level of everybody's success is a math problem. So this is the only reason why I'm stopping on this point. Look at the difference between four and 2:24. And I'm not condoning for anybody to do that. The reason why I get up that early is because that's how long my morning routine takes for me to wake up that early and to be done at 6:00 AM. Because that's when the kids wake up for me to be present to get them ready for school, take them to school, watch TV, make them breakfast. Because I want to have that family time. So that's why I wake up that early. But the difference of we'll just call it 2:30 to four is 90 minutes. Every 30 minutes, because everybody makes the excuse, I don't have time. And what I've learned is time and sacrifice, when I take them back, I win more.

• 1:09:25Ben Newman?

  And so every 30 minutes times five days in a week is two and a half hours. Four weeks in a month is 10 hours. 10 hours is a workday. Times 12 months in a year is an extra 12 days. So by waking up 30 minutes earlier, you get an extra 12 days a year. Me waking up, the difference between four and 2:30. Is an extra thirty six days. Most people work eighteen to twenty days. So I'm working fourteen months when most people are working twelve months.

• 1:09:56Ed Mylett?

  By the way, a key to, hey, I'd like to get up earlier, is I recommend that you start in fifteen minute increments weekly.

• 1:10:03Ben Newman?

  You nailed it.

• 1:10:04Ed Mylett?

  Right? So if you're a six thirty waker, get up at six fifteen for a week, then get up at six, then get up, and you'll find that it's much easier than going, we've all done that. I'm a six thirty, I'm getting up at four now. And you know, you're just gassed by two o'clock every day, and then you can't do it. So it's breaking it down over time. So let me ask you about this person listening right now, because you guys, now you're getting why I wanted Ben on, and why I want you to have his book, because we can go in so many different directions. But I'm listening today, I'm driving to my car, I'm on the treadmill, I'm watching it on YouTube, and I'm at a stage in my life where, you know what, you guys both have me really inspired right now. And I'm willing to make some sacrifices, but I'm in a slump, and/or I'm a little bit, just as a loss, like

• 1:10:45Ed Mylett?

  I, relationship just ended, or a business I had's not so good, or, you know, the last eighteen months has sort of just hit me really, really hard. And I'd like to start again today. I know, and by the way, everybody, you can just start again today. I don't care if you've started eleven hundred different other times, you can start again, right? You have my permission and Ben's permission, start again. I don't care if you started again January first, you started again last summer, start again. But if I'm starting again, where do I do, Ben?

• 1:11:11Ben Newman?

  But if you're starting again, you have to start. You know, let's take, let's take seventy five hard as an example, right? A lot of people, they think, oh, well, I tried it and I failed. You really only failed if you don't try again, right? If you just say, oh, I tried it, I'm never gonna, and I'm not saying everybody has to do seventy five hard, but my point is, that's what happens. People try something once, and they never try again. The failure of not trying again is actually worse than maybe the beer that you decided to drink with your friends, and then you couldn't check the box, and, and you missed seventy five hard.

• 1:11:41Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:11:41Ben Newman?

  And so to me, I think you bring up a great point. You have to have a willingness to start again. And so we actually, in the book, and I've been sharing this for fifteen years, I call it a prizefighter day, and it breaks down, what are the things that you need to do personally, professionally, and in your service to others every day? And when you do those things, you win. And we all know what those things are, but we choose to not do them. So if you're in a season of life where it's been challenging, to Ed's point, just like he believed in me and shared that, and now I put it in front of me every day, he just spoke that into you. Stop where you are and let's build right now for you. Stop. What do you need to do personally, professionally enough service?

• 1:12:25Ben Newman?

  I need to eat right and I need to break a sweat, get a workout in. You don't have to train like Ed, but break a sweat. Number two, you may say in sales, when I perform at my highest level, I gotta make, I call them points of contact rather than phone calls, text message, email, phone call. I gotta make 20 points of contact. That's when I know I'm giving my best. Okay, that's your, your business. The service, which John Wooden used to say, can't have a great day until you've done something for somebody else with no expectation or anything in return. Do something for somebody else. So you mean to tell me that you can't wake up tomorrow, get a workout in, eat right, make the phone calls, text messages that you're supposed to make, that's gonna make you successful and do something good for somebody? And so I think people have been conditioned in the world that

• 1:13:08Ben Newman?

  when you fail, at least I tried. I think by not starting again, that's way worse than the falling short that you already experienced. Believe in yourself and go back to the attack, because everything you need is already in you. God's given it to you, but you gotta choose to take it. And sometimes he puts you through pain and failure and challenge because he recognizes you need to find your greatest strength.

• 1:13:30Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh, Ben. That's one of those replay it right there. Everybody rewind and listen to what he just said again. You said something about God there, which is amazing because as you were talking, I had this calling on my heart because you said about this book that you and I both love earlier. And I'm just curious for you, uh, how important faith has been in your life? And then also, is that a common trait in most of the leaders you know? That there have some faith, whatever that faith is, and that, um, you know, perhaps they're willing even to proclaim it. I'm just curious if that was any of the, some of the things uncommon leaders have.

• 1:14:04Ben Newman?

  Uh, so here, here's what's actually pretty, pretty interesting. The, the book releases and all of a sudden it shoots right to the top. It's the number one Christian leadership book and it's actually maintained number one Christian leadership book.

• 1:14:16Ed Mylett?

  That's awesome.

• 1:14:17Ben Newman?

  Since the book, since the book came out a week ago, it's, it stays there. And the publisher didn't even select that as a category for the book, yet there are.

• 1:14:26Ed Mylett?

  Awesome. Amen.

• 1:14:29Ben Newman?

  There are three chapters in the book that strongly reference the beliefs from a Christian-based platform that some of the leaders have, one of which is our dear friend John Gordon. John has actually mentored me since 2008. He led me to Christ. We're both born Jewish, individuals that accepted Christ later on in life. So we're Jews for Jesus. That's why you like me, because I'm duly protected. You know, you'll be all right. And so, there's this strong faith-based message. But yes, many leaders have it. It's not a prerequisite for leadership, but you do find that it's very common. And those strong leaders, even a Dabo Sweeney, right, who, it's fun for John and I, because he's worked with Dabo

• 1:15:12Ben Newman?

  for 10 years. I worked with Coach Saban for four years. Now, we go head to head. But Dabo doesn't hide his faith. You know, a lot of leaders, they're comfortable that, you don't have to agree with me, but I'm going to help you understand where I stand in life. And in the book, it definitely, it's there. And there's a prayer that John shared with me at the end of his chapter. You gotta let people know where you stand. They don't have to agree with you, but as a leader, don't be fearful of letting people know where you stand.

• 1:15:38Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh. I believe that so strongly. And I'm so glad you said it the way you said it. And of course, you know that John's become a dear friend of mine. And I, obviously, guys, what I feel like is if you do have faith, that it will help explain to people your moral and some of your standards that you live by. And at the same time, it's a way of defining who you are and what you believe in and what you stand for. There is a way to say, hey, this is what I believe in, and not say it in a judgmental or preachy way. I'd like to think that I sort of nuanced that relatively well, that people know where I stand, yet I love everybody, believe in everybody. But I think you kind of know where I stand on stuff. And so, I just want to encourage everybody. That's why I asked Ben the question.

• 1:16:18Ben Newman?

  How often, when you speak, and look, when you and I go to speak oftentimes, right? As much as we'd like to say, this is where I stand, sometimes it's in our contracts, no politics, no religion.

• 1:16:30Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:30Ben Newman?

  How many times do people still come up to you and say, are you a man of faith, Ed?

• 1:16:33Ed Mylett?

  All the time. Almost, I would say, almost every single time.

• 1:16:37Ben Newman?

  And that's to your point that you just expressed, is that you believe it in such a way that you show up with this conviction. You don't have to say, I'm blessed. You don't have to read a Bible verse. People know it's in your heart.

• 1:16:50Ed Mylett?

  They know it's in my heart. And the other thing I want to share with everyone listening to this, if I'm an example of one thing, it's that God uses flawed people. And I think Ben would raise his hand and say this as well, that I think you all need to know that I make mistakes every day. So does Ben. I'm a sinner saved by the grace of God, by the way, everybody. And I just want you to not think that because you're not perfect that you can't win. Because if you make mistakes, you can't win. I think oftentimes, people think this mistake, this decision, this judgment, this thought I have disqualifies me from being successful. I'm going to be punished with failure because I'm human. Nothing could be further from the truth. You're not going to be punished with failure because you're a human being who makes mistakes. But having a faith that

• 1:17:34Ed Mylett?

  allows you to reflect and maybe even repent to some extent, or grow in it, is a wonderful experience to have when you do make those mistakes, is what I would say to everybody. Tim Grover, welcome back to the show, brother.

• 1:17:46Tim Grover?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:17:47Ed Mylett?

  One of the things I told Tim before the interview, this relentless and his program, his relentless program as well, I was telling him before the interview, on this topic, we just were, there's so many of you that have children that are at that teenage years and they're thinking about their sport, or college, or the rest of their life. I so strongly believe the sooner in life someone begins to learn to think like this, the easier it is to develop those habits. And so, at the end, when we promote this, or even Tim's book and his program, really encourage you to get your children at the right age, involved in this, and learning to think like this earlier in life. Their lives will be so much better earlier if they learn to think this way, as opposed to the way the world's teaching them to think right now. So, I want to make sure that I've told you that. In just a few minutes, we're going to tell you how you can get access to his program.

• 1:18:29Tim Grover?

  We're getting, you know, I keep saying it, but we're getting too soft. Everyone talks about, you know, nobody moves anymore. We're getting unhealthy. Listen, we have access to some of the healthiest foods, all the diets out there, all the knowledge. There's more gyms opening now than ever before, and why is the obesity rate going up? You have the knowledge, you know, you know, hey, if I eat this, this is what's going to happen. If I eat this, this is not going to. But people want to make, people want to make excuses. You know, all my, you know, I got a slow metabolism rate, I'm big boned and all that. No, you're eating too much. All right, let's stop making, stop making excuses. All right, there are people out there that do have those conditions.

• 1:19:10Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 1:19:11Tim Grover?

  Okay. We overcomplicate, we overcomplicate things.

• 1:19:16Tim Grover?

  Move more, eat less, equals weight loss.

• 1:19:19Ed Mylett?

  There you go. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure most people's bones aren't much bigger than other people's bones.

• 1:19:24Tim Grover?

  They're not.

• 1:19:27Ed Mylett?

  That's what I'm saying, people say that's completely nonsense, but your bones are not bigger than my bones.

• 1:19:32Tim Grover?

  But it's an excuse, they've heard that somewhere. Yeah, I can't lose, I can't lose the weight because of that. It's the same thing, you know, when you're competing at something, it's not, why was Michael and Kobe, who they were, Tom Brady, Dwyane Wade, Wayne Gretzky, Muhammad Ali, Floyd Mayweather, all these guys, not because of their physical gifts, yes, that had a lot to do with it, it's up in here.

• 1:19:57Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:57Tim Grover?

  It's up in here, and we can all, listen, we're not gonna learn to fight like Floyd, we're not gonna learn to play basketball like Michael, we're not gonna be able to do these things, but you can all think that way in whatever you're doing, you can all take that action, you can be, you can be that cleaner in whatever you want to do, it starts, it starts and ends up here. It's time to recharge this and reboot this.

• 1:20:23Ed Mylett?

  What is, is there a difference at all? I'm just curious, because you work with both of them, just a sports thing, you indulge me. What is the difference between Kobe and Jordan? Was there a difference in the two? Because there's tons of similarities, is there a difference in the two?

• 1:20:34Tim Grover?

  I always say this, Kobe worked out harder, Michael worked out smarter.

• 1:20:41Ed Mylett?

  Is that right?

• 1:20:41Tim Grover?

  Yes. With, they both were extremely hard, but Michael was always, Michael was always smarter. Kobe was, it was this constant push, push, push, push, and we had to kind of, even when you reeled them in, okay, you'd get a call, you'd get a call at 3 a.m. in the morning, they'd say, "What are you doing?" "It's 3 a.m., I'm sleeping, that's what you should be doing."

• 1:21:02Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 1:21:03Tim Grover?

  "Let's go back to the gym."

• 1:21:04Ed Mylett?

  Really?

• 1:21:05Tim Grover?

  All right, and I'm like, "No, it's really not a good idea." Well, here's the thing.

• 1:21:10Tim Grover?

  Even if I tell him it's not a good idea, I still gotta go to the gym because he's gonna show up at the gym.

• 1:21:14Ed Mylett?

  No kidding.

• 1:21:14Tim Grover?

  Yeah. He's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna show up at the gym.

• 1:21:18Ed Mylett?

  Were they the two hardest workers?

• 1:21:19Tim Grover?

  Yes. You know, your most successful individuals, it doesn't happen by accident.

• 1:21:24Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 1:21:24Tim Grover?

  It doesn't, you listen, there's a lot of talented people that succeed at nothing. At absolutely nothing. Now, when you have that individual that's talented, you have that individual that knows how to work hard, alright, and they have the intelligence. Okay, and this is key. This is key, because this is what's missing now with individuals. Alright, you have the talent, you have the intelligence, alright, you know how to compete. You don't have the resiliency.

• 1:21:59Ed Mylett?

  The resiliency.

• 1:22:00Tim Grover?

  You don't have that. When failure comes kicking, comes kicking your ass.

• 1:22:05Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:06Tim Grover?

  Alright, you, you crumble and you fold. Alright, you crumble, you gotta have that resiliency over and over again. But at some point, that resiliency has gotta turn into something. Alright, you know, people talk about all the time, "Oh, you build so much character from losing and you know, from failure and all that." Listen, at this point in my life, I got enough fucking character.

• 1:22:31Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:22:31Tim Grover?

  I got enough character, alright.

• 1:22:34Ed Mylett?

  I've learned more from my wins.

• 1:22:35Tim Grover?

  You always learn more from your wins. You always learn more from your wins. You're cool, see, here's the thing. You cannot say this, alright. A cleaner never calls himself a cleaner. And you know why a cleaner never calls himself a cleaner? Because he's never satisfied. Another individual can call themselves a cleaner. That statement you just made tells me right now, "Don't let this guy out." You are a cleaner. You'll never admit it, your wife will never admit it. Okay, but somebody else will say it. When they see it, he's a, he's a cleaner.

• 1:23:08Ed Mylett?

  I appreciate that.

• 1:23:09Tim Grover?

  But you're never gonna be sat, you're never gonna be satisfied.

• 1:23:11Ed Mylett?

  Honestly, it doesn't feel like it, right?

• 1:23:13Tim Grover?

  And it never, and it never will. It never will. Because guess what? When it does, you're no longer a cleaner, you're a closer.

• 1:23:19Ed Mylett?

  Right, you've moved backwards, right?

• 1:23:20Tim Grover?

  You've moved backwards.

• 1:23:20Ed Mylett?

  You're not willing to go through the next wall.

• 1:23:22Tim Grover?

  Right. And it happens. You get a lot of individuals that make that stage. They go from closers to cleaners, and they just, it's too intense.

• 1:23:29Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:30Tim Grover?

  It's just.

• 1:23:30Ed Mylett?

  I watch it all the time, man.

• 1:23:31Tim Grover?

  It's too intense, and you see them, they see them, you see them go back, okay?

• 1:23:36Ed Mylett?

  You do, you do.

• 1:23:37Tim Grover?

  Like, listen.

• 1:23:39Tim Grover?

  You're, you have, you're built a certain way. Okay, you work out to have this physique. I work out to look this way, okay? Your wife, everybody else does. What happens if you stop?

• 1:23:52Ed Mylett?

  We know.

• 1:23:54Tim Grover?

  It goes.

• 1:23:55Ed Mylett?

  You got it.

• 1:23:55Tim Grover?

  Your body goes back. You don't have those arms. You don't have those shoulders. You don't have those guns. You don't no longer have that waist. Your body wants to always convert back to being comfortable.

• 1:24:05Ed Mylett?

  So true, man.

• 1:24:06Tim Grover?

  Okay.

• 1:24:07Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 1:24:07Tim Grover?

  And we say this all the time. You gotta get, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

• 1:24:15Ed Mylett?

  Being uncomfortable. You said something in the book. We'll go through a couple of bullet points. You said something about the hard work. I'll just read something to you you said here. Because I just really believe, I believe all of this. But you said, "He knew his skills were so finely tuned that he could dominate any situation." You're talking about Jordan. "He worked so hard and long that his body and his mind," this is the word, "reflexively knew what to do at all times with Michael." "Everything became automatic. He repeated those same movements over and over "until he didn't have to think about anything. He only had to let those instincts take over." So what I see in like professional business people is the more they've repeated these, whether it's their phone call, or their script, or their clothes, over and over. When pressure hits, they can act reflexively, right?

• 1:25:00Ed Mylett?

  And their instincts take over. And your average person has not put in that background work. And so when pressure hits, they flinch, they miss, they stutter, they stammer. It's not reflexive to them, right?

• 1:25:10Tim Grover?

  Correct.

• 1:25:10Ed Mylett?

  So one of the big differences is their ability to get to, it's an automatic reflexive process through the work, right?

• 1:25:15Tim Grover?

  Yes, you know what? Your greatest athletes, all right, your greatest business people, all right, your most successful individuals, and whatever they do, I'm talking about teenagers, teachers, or whatever, okay? You know what to them thinking is? Thinking is a distraction.

• 1:25:34Tim Grover?

  Thinking is a distraction. They're so finely tuned. Everything becomes, is no longer a reaction. It's a reflex. So when they're actually thinking about something, they're actually not on their game.

• 1:25:47Ed Mylett?

  You're right. You're right.

• 1:25:49Tim Grover?

  Okay, they're not on, they're not on, they're not on their game. If you have to think about this movement, you gotta think about this, you gotta think about what you do. No, when something happens, it's like, but in order to get that state, you know how many years and years of preparation it takes not to, not to be able to think? And you hear this about all the time in athletes or kids, "Just go up to the plate. Don't think. Just swing the bat." Okay, just shoot the ball. No, it doesn't work like that. That's years.

• 1:26:18Ed Mylett?

  That only works if you've had the 25,000 hours of the work in, right?

• 1:26:20Tim Grover?

  Exactly.

• 1:26:21Ed Mylett?

  For those of you that are getting into a business, or you're in a business, you're already good, you can't work enough. You can't get so good at your craft. The more and more reps you do, the more reflexes of something becomes under pressure. And the more you train people over and over and over again, so that when they're under pressure, they react reflexively too. That's how you build a team, right?

• 1:26:38Tim Grover?

  Yeah, it's just like, alright, I'm gonna give a little example here. I don't know how long we've been going for. Everyone's driven in a car. You got a passenger next, you got a passenger next to you. So let's say you're driving, okay, and you have a family member sitting next to you. And all of a sudden, you hit the brakes. What's the first thing you do? Reach over and protect the person next to you.

• 1:26:58Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:58Tim Grover?

  You don't think about it?

• 1:26:59Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:27:01Tim Grover?

  That's what cleaners do.

• 1:27:02Ed Mylett?

  That's cleaner, in business and everything they do.

• 1:27:05Tim Grover?

  Exactly. What's a closer's gonna do? A closer's gonna hit the brake, and then he's gonna look over to the person. "Are you okay?"

• 1:27:10Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:12Tim Grover?

  They already know they're gonna be okay. I gotta make sure everybody else is okay.

• 1:27:15Ed Mylett?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:27:16Tim Grover?

  I gotta take care, I gotta take care of that person.

• 1:27:18Ed Mylett?

  How good was that? I'm so excited, because today is really about changing your life. And if I could just define today, it's about changing your life. In fact, if I could define my whole program, it's about changing your life. And today, we get to get right into the heart of it with a man who's done that in his own life, comes from a remarkable family, NFL football player, incredible motivational speaker, Sam Acho. Welcome to the show, brother. I'm so glad to be here, Ed. Thank you. So good to have you. A couple of other questions I want to say before we even move off the first darn chapter. Is you talk about you said in the book, you said this book at its core, I'm quoting from it. It's about taking things that are broken. Systems, situations, people, culture, like what we've saw in 2020. Systematic things in our world.

• 1:28:03Ed Mylett?

  And you say, and working towards making them whole. Sometimes brokenness is on the outside, cities, countries and communities in which we live, work and play. Other times that brokenness is within. And until we address the things that break our hearts, the things that bring us pain. We won't be able to do what we were put on this earth to do. And you ask what breaks your heart and then you go into some other questions. That's not normal in a dream book. Why do you have that in there?

• 1:28:27Sam Acho?

  Because this is not a dream book. This is a overcoming book. Overcoming the obstacles on the outside, but also overcoming ourselves.

• 1:28:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:39Sam Acho?

  Before you make any kind of change, well, you could use that word, you can say progress, whatever word you want to use. You need to address the insecurities within you and the brokenness within you. And sometimes that brokenness came from people close to you. Maybe it's family members, maybe it's like a dad who was present or wasn't present. Maybe it was a mom who, who was there, maybe wasn't there. Maybe it was siblings, like maybe it was something that happened as a child. And all of a sudden, like your worth that God gave you, that inherent worth, like, you know, like, I remember like when, you know, Jesus gets baptized, like heavens opened up. This is my son and whom I'm well pleased. There's another verse in Matthew 18 or so where they're giving an example about paying taxes and all the things. And they're asking Jesus like, well, should we pay, should we not? And he's like, essentially he's like, man, the sons are free, like y'all are good, but we're still gonna pay.

• 1:29:23Sam Acho?

  But it's like, I'm God's child. I have inherent worth and value. And somewhere down the line, I set that aside and I started to believe a lie. The lie that either I wasn't enough, or wasn't good enough, or wasn't smart enough, or, or I was too much. And God said, no, you are who I made you, but I need you to like set aside the lie and, and pick up the truth. And so this is not a dream, oh, you know, dream, all these dreams come true. No, this is a, it's gonna, that's why this book was hard for me to write. It was hard, like, like it was hard. My first book, I'm not saying it was easy, but the words flowed out of my heart. This one was very challenging because I have to address some of the stuff inside of me.

• 1:30:07Sam Acho?

  The subtitle, following your fire to heal a broken world. Like I talk about, man, that God given fire, sometimes it gets put out. How do we reignite that match? And so, life is hard. And dreams are real. And if we want to go and, and live out those dreams, or even find them again, we have to go back to those places and address those broken pieces inside of us. There's a story, I don't remember the verse right now. I'm telling you, man, there's a story in the Bible about the potter. And it's like this dude, he's making this pottery and he messed, like the potter like messes it up. And you think, oh no, I'm done, I'm screwed, this is horrible. And then it goes on to say, well, the potter, as he's, he kind of slips, messes up the clay,

• 1:30:50Sam Acho?

  he makes it into something different that was pleasing to him. So it's like, dude, I messed up. It's like, no dude, God still wants to, not even can or will, he wants to use you. And oh, by the way, it brings him great joy and delight.

• 1:31:05Ed Mylett?

  I think he likes to use some of your things that you think disqualify you.

• 1:31:10Sam Acho?

  Bingo.

• 1:31:11Ed Mylett?

  So, and you talk about this in the book, and I'll be honest with you, I'm reading the book going, man. Because, I'll give you a quick example, and then I'll let you talk about it. My dad was an alcoholic and got sober when I was 15 years old, stayed sober the rest of my life. So one of the reasons I believe so deeply a humans can change their life, I watched my hero do it. Right? And not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, I had written my book about my dad and the power of one more. And I woke up crying, and my wife's known me since we were little kids. She goes, what, what's wrong? And I said, someone helped daddy. And she went, what? And I said, someone helped my dad, I never thought about this before. Some precious human being helped my dad in the lowest moment of his life.

• 1:31:55Ed Mylett?

  He was either gonna take his life or lose his family. I don't even know where it happened, a bar, an alley somewhere. Someone helped my dad get sober. And she goes, that's incredible. And I said, that person has no idea that they did something great with their life. The ripple effect is, I'm his son, I've reached millions of people, they probably have no idea. The more amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. They were an alcoholic at one time. They were a drug addict. They were a liar. They lived in the shadows. God repurposed their mess and actually used the things they were the most ashamed of to change other people's lives and change their life. So oftentimes, what we do, you're right, this worth gets stripped away.

• 1:32:38Ed Mylett?

  And then we start using our mistakes or our failures or our averageness even as like these disqualifiers from our future. When the reverse is actually true, right? Isn't that the case?

• 1:32:50Sam Acho?

  That is a hundred percent the case. There's a point in my book, and I'm saying this because I just, I just found this out. I talk about this lady, this older woman named Cindy, like eighty, seventy year old, six year old woman. And how in the book, and this is like, it's great, but I didn't know this until now. So I talk about, man, she had a friend and her friend, you know, she, a white woman grew up in Houston and like, kind of like race and things and you know, different water fountains. And she had a friend who essentially like Cindy's like working on like learning more about race and George Floyd. And she has this friend and this friend's like, oh, I don't like black people and this and that. Like it was like, you know, she's like old school thinking. And Cindy stood up to her and said something and I wrote in the book and that's sometimes the cost of like, of like change.

• 1:33:35Sam Acho?

  And I was like, maybe Cindy lost a friend that day. I don't know if she did or didn't. Well, I, I sent her a copy of my book and she read it, obviously. And I told her about that section and she said, hey, Sam, thank you so much for writing this, but this story actually does have a happy ending. Cause my friend, after that conversation, we stayed in touch. And all of a sudden she's learning more about people who look different, different than her, who think differently. And now all of a sudden, because of me like saying something and saying, hey, let's actually learn. Now her story is changing. You know, it's about her kids and her grandkids and her great grandkids. And so this idea of our mess, even I go back to my friend doing stuff on TV. Like I was, I was hurt by hearing this guy who was my teammate say, man, why would you say that? And, but he confronted me and I get a chance to go in. And I said, I was going watching, did I say it or not?

• 1:34:20Sam Acho?

  But even go and say, hey, let's talk about this. Cause I don't ever want to be that kind of person. I don't want that to be, and if it is, I'm sorry and I apologize. But it's almost this deal of. Places where we're afraid or we feel broken, God wants to use.

• 1:34:33Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 1:34:34Sam Acho?

  For his glory.

• 1:34:35Ed Mylett?

  Well, you literally say, I'll let you finish this sensor sentence. Everyone, I want you to hear this. This is like, this is gonna go viral, this sentence right here. Cause no one phrases things this way. You are the answer to someone's.

• 1:34:46Sam Acho?

  Prayers.

• 1:34:47Ed Mylett?

  Come on.

• 1:34:48Sam Acho?

  You are. You are. Y- your.

• 1:34:52Sam Acho?

  Your action.

• 1:34:55Sam Acho?

  Your movement.

• 1:34:58Sam Acho?

  Your discernment.

• 1:35:01Sam Acho?

  Your touch.

• 1:35:05Sam Acho?

  Your platform.

• 1:35:09Sam Acho?

  Is what someone has been waiting for. And you have no idea.

• 1:35:13Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:35:14Sam Acho?

  You have no idea. That dream that you have, that you've been a little bit timid about and trepidation. There are people on the other side of those dreams.

• 1:35:22Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:23Sam Acho?

  Like your dad.

• 1:35:24Ed Mylett?

  That's exactly the example I'm thinking of.

• 1:35:26Sam Acho?

  I'm telling you, man, like, your dad wanted, he didn't want to be an alcoholic. But there was someone who said, you know what? I'm gonna go talk to this guy.

• 1:35:32Ed Mylett?

  That person was an answer, literally, to my prayers as his son. Literally. That's, I'm reading your book and I was getting emotional. One, there's actionable things. At my age now, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean?

• 1:35:50Sam Acho?

  Yes.

• 1:35:50Ed Mylett?

  I'm 51. And everything I'm reading, I'm like, that's right. That's right. That's a way better way to say it. I've never heard that before. That person, and by the way, I know who they are now. Ironically, I can't say his last name because it's an anonymous program. But I'll just say something interesting. My name's Ed, my dad's name's Ed, my grandfather's name's Ed, and the person who helped my dad get sober, his name is Ed. It's not a very common name anymore, right? And so I actually know who this person was.