#90 Ryan Hendrickson - Green Beret, "Welcome to Afghanistan"

This week, SRS is bringing you a special holiday episode just in time for Christmas. Ryan Hendrickson is an Army Special Forces Green Beret with over twenty two years of service and is a Silver Star recipient. Hendrickson is also an author and humanitarian, founding his organization "Tip of the Spear." This episode covers Hendrickson's entire life story, from childhood to present day. Hendrickson explains his early career in the Navy and how he would ultimately pivot to being a Green Beret. Hendrickson had eight deployments to Afghanistan. In his first deployment, he was severely injured in an IED blast where Kyle Morgan, a previous SRS guest, carried him to safety. Despite almost losing a leg, Hendrickson beat the odds and served on seven more deployments. This episode documents some of Hendrickson's most harrowing moments in combat. After his incredible career in the military, Hendrickson applied his skillset to an entirely new battlefield: Ukraine. Since the conflict began, Hendrickson has removed over 1,765 landmines with his humanitarian group "Tip of the Spear Landmine Removal. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://lairdsuperfood.com - USE CODE "SRS" https://drinkhoist.com - USE CODE "SHAWN" https://1stphorm.com/srs https://firecracker.farm/shawn https:/gcu.edu/military Ryan Hendrickson Links: Social Media - https://linktr.ee/rmhendrickson.tipofthespear Book - https://www.amazon.com/Tip-Spear-Incredible-Injured-Berets/dp/1546084797 Organization - https://landmineremoval.org Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram | Download Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  On October 2nd.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped doing it? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  I'm not the first then.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not admitted without parent.

• 0:30Shawn Ryan?

  Hey, everybody. It's the last show of the season, and it's a good one. Once again, we're releasing this as one episode. We know here at SRS how many people are out there spending the holidays alone. And so I want to give it to you all in one piece.

• 0:54Shawn Ryan?

  It has been one hell of a year. And had some amazing guests. We've uncovered some incredible stories, exposed a lot of corruption, brought a lot of hope, did everything that I wanted to do this year. Capped out at number two out of all podcasts. And, you know, I just want to say that couldn't have done it without my team. And more importantly, my wife. And here at SRS, we would just want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas.

• 1:38Shawn Ryan?

  And thank you. Thank you for watching the shows. Thank you for the support. Thank you for making this all possible. Because if it wasn't for you, you know, we wouldn't be here.

• 1:51Shawn Ryan?

  So if you get anything out of these, please head over to Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Leave us a review, like, comment, subscribe to the YouTube channel. And without further ado, please welcome my next guest, Mr. Ryan Hendrickson, a former Green Beret and just a all-around.

• 2:16Shawn Ryan?

  American hero, somebody that we can all look at is an example of what it means to be a great American and just a great person. But, um, once again, Merry Christmas and I will see you in 2024. Much love, everybody. God bless.

• 2:44Shawn Ryan?

  Ryan Hendrickson, welcome to the show, man.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I appreciate you having me on. Been, uh, been looking forward to it. Definitely.

• 2:51Shawn Ryan?

  Me too. We've been talking for, actually, we started talking right after I interviewed Kyle Morgan. He told me about you. He talked about one of the incidents in, uh, in the episode that I recorded with him. And ever since then, Kyle and myself, I was like, man, this dude would make a perfect guest on the show. He brings a lot of hope. He's been through a lot. And Kyle has, every time I've talked to him about you, just says phenomenal things to say about you, man.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, Kyle's, I mean, there's, it's hard to put Kyle in the words. He's, you know, from, you know, hero to just, just brother, friend, everything. It's, yeah, it's, it's hard to put Kyle in the words. But yeah, you, you had one of, you had one of the greats on your show and that was Kyle, for sure.

• 3:37Shawn Ryan?

  I love that dude. Really love that dude. But, um, quick intro to you. So Ryan Hendrickson, you're a United States Green Beret Army Special Forces, 22 years and 10 months in service, medically retired. You're the, you're an author, humanitarian, founder of the nonprofit Tip of the Spear, and you're just Ryan.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Just Ryan.

• 4:02Shawn Ryan?

  You're just Ryan. That's what, uh, that's what I heard you want to be introduced as. You're just, just a regular dude.

• 4:10Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:11Shawn Ryan?

  Ryan Hendrickson. I love that. Uh, eight deployments to Afghanistan. First one, got injured in an IED blast and, uh, seven deployments after, loss of a leg. So, um, we'll get into all of that stuff, but.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  Every show.

• 4:32Shawn Ryan?

  Always starts off with a gift. Any ideas?

• 4:37Speaker 04

  No idea.

• 4:38Shawn Ryan?

  No ideas.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 4:48Shawn Ryan?

  Those are Vigilance Elite Gummy Bears.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 4:51Shawn Ryan?

  Legal in all 50 states without a prescription.

• 4:55Speaker 04

  That's awesome. That is awesome.

• 4:57Shawn Ryan?

  Just candy. But it's funny, man, we have like, we have one guy email him, email him once and he was like, man, I'm on my third bag and I still don't feel anything.

• 5:08Shawn Ryan?

  It's like, I was like, yeah, man, it's just, uh.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:12Shawn Ryan?

  There's no special sauce in these ones.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 5:17Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, but, um, so how I like to do this interview is, uh, kind of start with childhood. Go through that, why you got into the military, what you did in the military. We have some really important stuff to talk about, uh, with, with your time as a Green Beret. And then we'll move into mental health. I know that's important to both me and you. And, uh, and then we'll get into what you're doing now. And by the way, anybody that wants to buy Ryan's book, Tip of the Spirits on display right here. We'll link it below. Make it easy on you to where you can, uh, purchase the book. When did the book come out?

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Uh, July 7th, 2020.

• 5:56Shawn Ryan?

  Right on.

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 5:57Shawn Ryan?

  Cool. Well, this will give it a, a post to your three year boost.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  Yes, definitely.

• 6:03Shawn Ryan?

  Right on, definitely. But, um, yeah, let's just go into childhood. Let's just start right there. Where'd you grow up?

• 6:12Speaker 04

  So, um, you know, it's funny as we were, as we were talking, um, earlier today. So I'm actually, I was born in California.

• 6:20Shawn Ryan?

  We won't hold that against you.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, please don't.

• 6:23Shawn Ryan?

  Where in California?

• 6:24Speaker 04

  In Reading, up north.

• 6:26Shawn Ryan?

  Okay.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, actually it was a small town, log in town called Fall River Mills. And it's, uh, you know, back in the seventies when, you know, you're still, still logging and able to work up there and, and everything like that. But, so yeah, I was, um, I was born in a small log in town, Fall River Mills. And um then shortly on, you know, after my dad, uh, you know, the logging company went, you know, went up because of uh the spotted owl and everything like that. And then uh we, we headed out on the road to Oregon. So I was born in California, but um I actually claim Oregon as you know, my uh, my state and a small little town, Lowell, Oregon, uh, another,

• 7:10Speaker 04

  another one of those that used to be a big logging community and you know, uh, things happened the way they did and so, but just a lot of hardworking, you know, Americans that live out in that area. And so, um, yeah, it's, you know, jumped around Oregon quite a bit, whether it was living with my grandma or um other relatives or whatnot, cause uh we uh, yeah, we grew up uh, poor, extremely poor. Oh yeah, extremely poor.

• 7:37Shawn Ryan?

  Was your dad a logger, your family in the logging business or?

• 7:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, so dad was a logger. Once he finished up um in Vietnam, uh, he, so he did um, he did four years um in the army, uh, two tours in Vietnam, and then he came home and went directly into logging. And then that's, you know, that's all he knew from growing up and everything like that in Oregon, cause um he was born and raised in Oregon. But um, but just logging, and then once the industry went up, then it was, you know, it's kinda, now what? You know, company goes bankrupt, uh, we're, we're, you know, penniless and um, so that started the journey, you know, of, of my childhood, you know, growing up town

• 8:22Speaker 04

  to town to town, um, you're always the outcast, you're, you know, because you're dirt poor, you're wearing, you know, hand-me-down clothes that, you know, um, I remember one incident that uh, we had come back from Christmas break, I guess, and this kid came up to me and he's like, that's my shirt. It's like, no, this, this is mine, this is my new shirt. And you know, his friends grabbed me and put me up against the locker and he pulled the tag out and it had his name on it. And I was like, yeah, okay. So it was kinda like that, you know, you're poor, you're the outcast, you're moving town to town to town. So that's, you know, that's pretty much, that was how, you know, I grew up.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  But in the weird way, I actually grew up really well. Uh, because the lessons that my dad taught me from, from his experience. And so, you know, my dad is a born again Christian. Um, he did not start off as a Christian. He was a bad, bad dude. Um. How so? Lots of, lots of drinking, um, multiple marriages. Um, just, you know, a, a fighter, um, just, just a bad dude. Um, and so, you know, and he also struggled, you know, with his own mental health and his demons, uh, from Vietnam.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  And so the, you know, so my life actually was in the beginning. It was, you know, that, that real mean, you know, father figure. Um, not, not abusive towards us, but he was just that, that, that bad dude. You had brothers and sisters? I do. Yeah, I have, um, so four older sisters and an older brother. Oh, wow. I'm the youngest. The baby. Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  But, um, but yeah, it's the, you know, so I, I, I had two parts of my childhood. I had the part of, well, actually three parts of my childhood. I had the part of my childhood that, you know, I barely remember. I remember bits and pieces from, and that was when, you know, my, you know, my dad was, you know, at his lowest point. And then, um, the part of my childhood where my dad found God. But he didn't understand, or he didn't.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  He didn't understand how, you know, this new found faith and the life-saving, you know, faith that he found in God. He, and so it was very strict. You will not be like me. You will not, you know, and, and so it was very strict and very controlled. Because How, how, I'm sorry, I want to backtrack. Let's go through each phase. Hmm. So there's the part that wasn't good. How, what, what, what ages are you? So I, I remember bits and pieces of it. So I would say that I was probably like four. When he Or Up to four, so zero to four years old?

• 11:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, four or five. So, um, my, my, uh, so my dad, my mom had split and before then, uh, my sister, um, and my brother Robbie, Chrissy and Paula, they're all from, uh, my dad's first wife. And then my sister and I are from, you know, our mom, but our mom was, um,

• 11:53Speaker 04

  she, she was also a very bad person. And to the point to where the state of California gave full custody over to my dad. So that's, that's very hard to do, um, to take custody from a mother and give it to the father. Do you want to talk about that? So the parts that I remember from my mom, um, was struggling, um, alcoholic, drug addict. And, um, just with multiple different, uh, partners. Oh. When my dad was outlawing or whatnot. And so a lot of this accumulated towards my dad finding God and

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Basically, how that went down was my dad, a- and again, I, I, I'm probably off on the timeframe a little bit because I was just a little kid. But, um, situation with, um, Tia went down. And my dad was driving my sister Wendy and I to my uncle Steve's house, who was also a logger. Um, and he was gonna drop us off there. He had the shotgun in the car, i- in, in the truck. And he was heading out to, uh, blow his brains out.

• 13:14Shawn Ryan?

  Holy shit.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  And so he's parked alongside the road and shotgun's ready to go. And a car pulls up and a guy gets out and says, hey, is there a problem? Do you need help? Car broke down? Looks like you're, you know, you're at a, you're out of, um, you're out of answers. Looks like you need, you know, you need someone to talk to. And so the way my dad describes it, it's, is an angel. Um, because this guy was a preacher at the local church. And that was the day that my dad was saved was, um, when he was going out to, um, to kill himself.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  So, yeah, and it's middle of night, middle of night. And, you know, this, this guy comes up and pulls over to see if he needs any help. And yeah, he knew, he definitely needed help. And so that's, that's when my dad found God. Um, and so then comes the times in your life when you're, you know, you're trying to, uh, a lot of people, when they just come into religion, they're, they're trying to make up for everything they did in the past. And when you have two little kids, a part of the situation, it's like, I do not want you to grow up or to be like I was. And so I'm gonna force you to act be, or whatever it is,

• 14:43Speaker 04

  um, the righteous path down this way. And so there's, you know, there was a point in my life when it was a very controlling and a very, um, dominated household because my dad did not want us to grow up and go down the same paths he did in life.

• 15:05Shawn Ryan?

  Oh, good.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  And so the third part of my life comes around to where then he finds, he finds his peace with himself, with God, with everybody. And that's, and that's when, you know, my dad and I are, you know, our relationship and everything like that, you know, it just, it, it just flurries because he's, you know, now he's at peace with himself. He's not outrunning Vietnam. He's not outrunning multiple wives. He's not outrunning the mistakes he made in his life. He's at peace. He's, he's been forgiven for what he thought was unforgivable, to the point of where suicide's the only answer. But now he's forgiven. And, and so

• 15:48Speaker 04

  instead of trying to force us, um, you know, my sister and I to be or, or go down this path, um, that he, that he wants us to, now he starts to open up and he's, you gotta, you gotta decide for yourself. You gotta make your own path. You know, this is your life. You're gonna fall down. You're gonna get hurt. You're gonna have to get back up again. And so that's, that's the three parts of my life that I lived growing up.

• 16:17Shawn Ryan?

  When did phase two, what time period was that? So four to five to what age?

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Um, I would say phase two was.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  Probably until I was in middle school. Okay. Yeah. So seventh, eighth grade? Yeah, about eighth grade. And then as I started into high school,

• 16:37Speaker 04

  he started, you know, he, um, he went to Bible college and became a pastor. Um, but he started to understand that you can't, you can't force this down people's throat. I mean, there's, you know, there, there, there are plenty of people out there that try and force their beliefs. And that's, that's a no-go. That's, that's extremism. Um, but he just, you know, he finally, you know, my high school years, um, although still poor, um, but he had, he had come to a peace with himself. And now, you know, I'm learning so much and, you know, I, and it's just, that's, you know, that's the third phase of my life up until

• 17:22Speaker 04

  joining the military. But, but yeah, life, um, you know, life growing up was, you know, um, you know, there was a, there was another situation. My dad, you know, when I was a kid, when he was a reborn again Christian, um, he had gotten married again and he was still out working and he'd be gone for a while. And he, you know, this lady and her roommate that she had, um, they were sexually assaulting me during these, these periods of my life. And so, and I never told my dad about that until. How old were you? Um, six to, six to seven. Yeah.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  So, and I never really talked about it because, you know, in my mind, it was always the tough guy thing. Like, oh, well, you know, shit happens. At six years old, you had that mindset? But, but what that set me up for and that, that trauma, you know, early on in my life, set me up for this, this distrust and hatred of women that really, really plagued me for, for a big portion of my life. Because if you can do this to, to me, and I'm just a, I'm just a kid, then all women do this.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  And it really, you know, it, it, it did. It, it plagued a lot of my relationships and, um, you know, my growth in relationships, no one could ever get close to me. Um, I wouldn't let them because if someone gets close, that means you're vulnerable. And they could take advantage of you. Just like that little boy. So, yeah, so I definitely, that was a huge, you know, part of my life that I was able to, to cover up through, you know, um, drinking, um, um, women. And, and just trying to make myself feel like, you know, I'm okay. Who cares?

• 19:35Speaker 04

  You know, shit happens. And so that, you know, that set the stage for a lot of, you know, what we'll talk about, um, further on in the conversation, but that period of my life right there, you know, kinda set the stage for a lot of failures, uh, later on in my life.

• 19:53Shawn Ryan?

  How long did the sexual abuse go on for?

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Um, it was around, it was around a year before my dad and this lady split. And then, uh, she kept sending me all these toys. Um, so I wouldn't talk. And yeah, I, I never said a thing until, um, 2010, when I was in my hospital bed after getting blown up.

• 20:20Shawn Ryan?

  You kept it in that long?

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:23Shawn Ryan?

  So one, one thing that I really like to do on this show is to bring hope because there's a lot of kids. There's gonna be a lot of veterans that can relate to your story. And now with the, with the, with your childhood, I mean, there's, we were talking about it at breakfast, all the human trafficking that's going on, all the sexual abuse, sex exploitation. Parents that are just pieces of shit. And unfortunately, there's a lot of, a lot of them out there. And so.

• 20:57Shawn Ryan?

  Looking back through all those years, I mean, there's millions of kids going through this right now.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:03Shawn Ryan?

  And so I, what I'm asking is, what would your advice be to those kids that are in the middle of going through that?

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Why I chose to start talking about it, and this is only the second time I've ever brought this up on a public, well, on a, on a podcast or a show. Uh, the first time was just breezed over real quickly, uh, because it is, it is kinda, um, it's a very sensitive subject for me, but the reason why I talk about it now is because of what you just said. There are so many kids going through this and they don't know what to do. They don't feel like they can say anything. Um, and they don't feel that they have, um, a place to escape to.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  They don't have their own place. You know, it's, it's a constant terror. And so the advice that I do have looking back now is, is the fact that I wish I would have said something. I wish I would have, um, you know, cried for help. I wish I didn't keep it inside myself for so many years that I turned into a monster

• 22:29Speaker 04

  because of it.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  And so my, what I would tell that person that's listening to this, or that person that's struggling with, you know, the past, um, with this, you know, sexual trauma, um, is don't, you don't, you don't have to let this control your life. You don't have to become or remain a victim to this. You can take control over this and you can use this experience regardless of how ugly and evil it is. You can use this to help other people.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  And by turning yourself, making yourself stronger by this situation.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  You're going to be better

• 23:20Speaker 04

  able to help those people that that really, really need it. Use these situations to make yourself stronger to help somebody else. Do not allow yourself to become a victim of this trauma because you will become a monster. And you'll tear everything up.

• 23:42Shawn Ryan?

  I appreciate that, man. It's, um, you know, this year I I made it a goal of mine to, that's my primary focus now, I want to help kids, you know, and, and

• 23:59Shawn Ryan?

  some of the interviews I've been doing have reflected that. You know, and, and man, it's just so common, like,

• 24:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:09Shawn Ryan?

  kids are going through that stuff. I interviewed this, uh, friend of mine, his name's Prime Hall. He had a lot of sexual trauma as a kid too. He had a peeping Tom in his window and, and there's just,

• 24:24Shawn Ryan?

  there's a lot of kids going through that.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 24:27Shawn Ryan?

  And they're likely always will be and, and this is guy, men like you and Prime and the other people that I've had on the show that have talked about it, you know, Yonmi Parks, had a horrific childhood and it, and you know, it's, you can't save all of them, unfortunately,

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:50Shawn Ryan?

  while it's happening. And so to hear testimonies of people like you talking about it and, and, and the man that you've become and continue to become is, uh, I mean, that, that could be what somebody needs to pull themselves out of that.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:06Shawn Ryan?

  You know?

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't, it, if you let it, it'll turn you into a monster and you'll devour everything in your path.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  On October 2nd.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stall, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  I'm not the first daddy.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Under 18 without parent.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  So what kind of stuff were you into as a kid?

• 25:51Speaker 04

  So, um, besides, I mean, besides giving, you know, my dad ulcers because I'd I'd run out into the woods for two or three days and, you know, forget to tell him that we were out camping, you know, just me and some buddies or whatnot, you know, we're just, you know, we're 10, 11, 12, and just head out for a few days and come back and, but that's, you know, that's the trouble that I got into, you know, um, that weather is outplaying war and, you know, and the, the back pastures and, uh, neighbor farmer shoots you with rock salt because you're painting his cows up with paintballs or, you know, um, going out camping for a few days and forgetting to tell the old man where you're going, stuff like that. But, you know, as I started to, you know, once we got to

• 26:36Speaker 04

  where I consider my hometown, Lowell, uh, Lowell, Oregon, because I spent, you know, five years there. So that's the longest time I ever spent in one place, um, growing up. So Lowell, Oregon is now my hometown because, you know, I have eighth grade through senior year there. So, and, um, that's when I started to, you know, I got into wrestling, uh, football, and just, you know, just, just figuring out, you know, how much I love the, the team sports and, and, um, and wrestling in general. So, um, never, never was really a stud at any of them, but I loved them. Love, love playing, love wrestling, stuff like that. So that's

• 27:16Speaker 04

  pretty much what consumed, um, my life, you know, up until I graduated was sports. Yeah. So.

• 27:27Shawn Ryan?

  What, what got you interested in the military?

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Uh, what got me interested in the military was some very cold, hard facts from my dad. So the way the, the way the old man put it was this, he's like, look, you're 18 years old.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  You can, you can go to college, but let's face it, you're not, you're not what we call college material. He's like, you can go out and get a job. He said, but why don't you go and serve your country? Give your country four years of your life. You're gonna grow up, you're gonna see the world, you're gonna experience things and then come back and figure out what you wanna do. You'll have money for college, um, but you know, as a young man, as an 18 year old, um, I, I do feel, you know, you need to go and serve your country, give something back to your country and then come back and figure out what you want in life. But you can't stay here. Because if I let you stay here, town of, you know, 1,400 people,

• 28:29Speaker 04

  um, if I let you stay here, you're never gonna leave and you're gonna be at the gas station down the road, you know, 35 years old, telling stories of, you know, the homecoming game your senior year or something like that. He's like, you can't stay here. You gotta go and you gotta, you gotta get your feet underneath you in life. You gotta get knocked down. You gotta pick yourself back up. You need to get this thing started. Highly recommend the military. And, um, so the military was always something that was gonna happen. My dad had pushed, you know, he's, uh, he'd kinda molded me for the military, my, you know, basically my entire, uh, life.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  And, um, and whether it was me out playing army or doing whatever it was, uh, the military was gonna happen. It's just, you know, it was hard for me to. To leave home because, you know, because I I did, I was, you know, as kids, a lot of times you get institutionalized because you're in the comfort of your family. You got your, you know, you're not, you know, you're gonna get fed, you're gonna get taken care of, you're gonna get, and um, it would play right into what my dad said, you'll never leave if I don't make you leave. And so the military, that was, that was basically the like, well, I'm joining the military, because it was, it was gonna happen regardless. Um, and, and it was, I, you know,

• 29:53Speaker 04

  it was, it was exactly what my dad said. You know, you're gonna go out, you're gonna see the world. Um, you're, you're, you're gonna meet people from all over the place. You're gonna expand your horizons, you're gonna, you know, you're gonna do, you're gonna serve your country, and then you can come back and you can figure out what you want to do from there. But um, but yeah, the military did exactly what he said it was gonna do. So, and um, I kinda had a weird, weird path through the military, I guess you could say. So, um, and you'll end up reading about it, so I might as well just tell you here. But, so I actually started off in the Navy. Really?

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Yep. I did four years in the Navy. Um, nineteen ninety-six, the recruiters, you know, the recruiters all come in and you're taking the uh, the ASFAB or, you know, whatever. And um, I think it was the Air Force, they were like, ha, oh, no, no, no, no.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  No, no, no, we don't, no, we're, we're okay, we're, you know, we're downsizing, military's downsizing at the time, like, no, we, that's really cute, but no, good luck to you, buddy. Um, the Army, surprisingly, they didn't need anybody. Um, I, I was, you know, infantry was like an eight-month waiting period. Wow. Yeah, just to get to boot camp, I was like, okay. Um, the Marine Corps, god, the guy came in and he had, I'll never forget, he had at least an entire can of Copenhagen in his lip. And he's sitting there yelling, you don't have what it takes to be a Marine. You're not good enough. And I was like, okay, I guess. Thanks for letting me know, man.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  That's great. But he scared me. It's like, holy shit, dude. You're you're a really scary guy. I don't want to be around people like you. You're scary. And then the Navy recruiter, no, it's like, hey,

• 31:52Speaker 04

  you want to travel the world, go to foreign ports, see foreign girls? It's like, yeah, it's like, all right, man. Yeah. What do you want to do in the Navy? I don't know. He's like, bosun's mate's a hell of a job. You get to pick whatever you want from there. You could be doing, he didn't mention, you know, the actual job of a bosun's mate. So I was like, man, that sounds amazing. And he's showing me pictures of Australia, Thailand, Singapore. And I was like, I want to do that. And, uh, yeah, so it's color carrying right across the dotted line. And here, here I go, anchors away. And, um, I did, I did all of that. I got to travel the world. Um, I was never on a nuclear vessel, so we were able to go into all the ports that like nuclear,

• 32:37Speaker 04

  uh, nuclear power or nuclear capable, um, ships weren't allowed to go. Um, cause I was on a amphib, the USS Sharif port. And then I was on the USS Camden. So I actually did a med cruise and a west back. So I circled the globe on a ship and I went to all kinds of ports and did everything that that the recruiter said, like, yeah, this is this, this is what you can do. I mean, I, I never, you know, he's like, you ever seen Top Gun? Yeah. He goes, that's the Navy. I, I never flew F fourteen Tomcats, but, uh, but yeah, I mean,

• 33:11Shawn Ryan?

  That's, that's the entire Navy.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes.

• 33:14Shawn Ryan?

  In a nutshell, Top Gun's gonna be your experience.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:18Shawn Ryan?

  There's a boatman's.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  And so, yeah, it was just, uh, I mean, it now forty-four-year-old Ryan Henderson can never go back and do what eighteen-year-old Ryan Henderson did. You know, two ships commissioned in the seventies, boiler fed. Oh, my Lord. Persian Gulf in the summer both times, like, ugh. I couldn't go back and do it, but I'm so happy I did it. You know, you know what I'm saying? And it, and I did, I grew, you know, I grew as a man and I, I met people from all over the United States. Um, my, my horizon's broadened and, um, and I did, I was, I was able to experience a lot, but there,

• 34:01Speaker 04

  there was one experience that I had that paved my way, um, for

• 34:09Speaker 04

  the war on terror and my, and my role in it. And that was when the USS Cole was bombed. Um, we were a couple hours away from it. And so we, you know, we basically went full steam ahead to the Gulf of Aden. And us and the Donald Cook were the first ships on the scene, um, to help rescue, um, the, the survivors of the coal and body recovery. So, yeah, that was, um, that was kind of my eye-opening to, oh, people want to kill us. Like this, this is a real thing. Um, you know, sailing up to it, that large hole in the side of it.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  Um, the smell, you know, the, the smell of bodies and stuff like that. It was, it was my first, like, oh, wow. Like, you, you, these guys want to kill us. And that was one of the first salvos of the war on terror, you know, with Al Qaeda. So not only did I get these experiences, you know, that my dad had talked about, that the Navy recruiter talked about, but I also got my eyes opened to what I would experience later on as a Green Beret, um, fighting in the war on, war on terror in Afghanistan. So, but, um,

• 35:32Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, that was, uh, that was the first branch.

• 35:36Shawn Ryan?

  What, what triggered you to move over to the, move to the army?

• 35:41Speaker 04

  Well, so the Navy was the first branch. So then I got out and I was like, I'm gonna do the civilian thing. Horrible civilian, horrible. Tried it for two years, trash.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  And, um, you know, I'd get mad at people because we're supposed to show up on time. They're thirty minutes late, but why, why, why, what's the problem? I was, I was high. Um, I'm, you know, it's not my fault. I was drunk. You know, it's like, all right, I'm not gonna fit in very well out here in the civilian world. So, um, I was, I was married at the time. But, um, you know, I was like, hey, I'm, I wanna join the army. And my first wife, she, you know, she's, well, she's coming out of the army. So she, no, no, no, I don't, I don't wanna be in the army. Um, I don't wanna be an army wife, you know, I'm, I'm done with the army. Like, okay, so we agreed upon the Air Force.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  So in January two thousand and three, um, I joined, I transferred over to, well, not transferred, I joined the Air Force. And the Air Force, I was, I was an ammo troop, just, just a regular, you know, just a flight line guy. Um, it was great job, great job. It was, you know, I spent a year in Korea, one of the best years of my military life. Um, um, getting to see the world from there. Um, there, you know, I, you know, did a few deployments, um, you know, nothing, nothing crazy, no, no, no combat. Um, but one trip to, uh, one trip to Iraq. And, um, that's where I ran into my first O D A team.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  And and so I'm, you know, I'm at the gym and here's the here's the bearded ones. It's like, oh, my God. So all that, you know, we're all, we're all talking about what we think we know. You know, about about either SEAL teams or Green Berets or anything like that. This is like, dude, this is what I heard. No, no, no, man, I got a buddy who knows a buddy who knows another buddy that has a friend that used to be like, no, no, no, that's not shit, dude. He looked at me once, you know, kind of, you know, we're we're a bunch of, we're a bunch of, you know, uh, groupies. Guess you could say. So I'm at the gym and this guy comes up, he's like, hey, man, can you give me a spot?

• 38:02Speaker 04

  It's like, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. So we end up, we ended up talking for for a long time. And he's like, yeah, man, um, we got a guy on our sister O D A team. Uh, he was in the Air Force. He transferred over, um, and went through the X, um, eighteen X-ray course. And yeah, he's, yeah, he's, he's a, he's a Green Beret right now, too. So now I'll set him like, oh, you can do that. Yeah, yeah, it's a blue to green transfer kind of thing. So then, okay, got it. You know, I was a bosun's mate in the Navy. I was an ammo troop in the Army. You're not going to jump straight over to Green Beret. There's no way. You can't, you can't do that. You gotta be infantry or Ranger or something.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  How are you now? So I just put it out of my mind. So, um, as my Air Force time is, you know, it's, I'm at, you know, four years and some months. And now I'm going through a divorce. It's like, okay, um, I need, I I really need to shake things up in my life. I I've never really challenged myself. Um, I need to, I I need to do something, something to get my mind off of what's going on right now. And, you know, again, I ran my marriage into the ground because, um, I still was that monster. That was just, just paths of destruction everywhere I went, blaming it all on my past.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Like, I deserve this. This is why I'm this way. So that's, yeah, I'm allowed, I'm victimized. I'm allowed to do this. What kind of destruction? Um, just the, just the drinking, um, infidelity, uh, just think, you know, um, not.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  Never, never being actually mentally there or available or anything like that because the minute you let that person in close is the minute they're gonna hurt you. They're gonna hurt you. He, it's gonna happen. It's just when. Cause all women are gonna hurt you. And so, and because I was still victimized. And not able to let go. Or turn my, my past into a tool to help me better other people or to make me stronger to help other people. I was using it as my crutch to be a piece of shit.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  And to be an ugly and evil human being because I deserve this. Cause what happened to me? Nah, but that's what my mindset was. So going through the divorce, you know, I had victimized myself. Oh, she, she left me and, and all this other stuff, re- refusing to realize that the only reason why everything failed was because of me. 100%. No ands, ifs, or buts. I ran it completely into the ground. Um, took a good girl and tore her shreds. All because I was being a little boy.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  And living off of my self entitled victimization.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  So, you know, she did what she should have done years before that. She left. And I 100% I, I wish she would have done it earlier. But, um, this point in my life, it's like, okay, well, I, I need to do something with my life. I need, I need a victory. I've got all kinds of defeats. I've got nothing but zeros. I don't have any ones. I need, I need something. And so I'm going into the personnel office and, you know, to basically here, you, you know how, well, I don't know if you know, but if you're going through a divorce, you gotta be submitting the paperwork and everything like that.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  So they're tracking what's going on. So I go to the personnel office.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  And there's this poster on the wall and it has a guy in uniform and then half the uniform is Air Force dress blues and the other half is Army Class A's. It's blue to green. And you can do an inter-service transfer if you are in an over manned career field in the Air Force. Over to the Army. It's like, okay, well, huh, let me, so I asked about it. And my career field was over manned. And I qualified for a direct service transfer over, but now it's what do you want to do? And so my dad, my dad's time in Vietnam, he spent it um as a um, he was a helicopter crew chief on Hueys for MACV SOG.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. So he was not a Green Beret, but he was a support guy um for MACV SOG as a um helicopter crew chief and then, you know, in the air gunner. So he, you know, he'd always talked about the Green Berets and I had the, the um, the opportunity in Iraq to really dive into what they do and, and everything like that. And so I'm sitting there and I have all this self doubt, like there's no way I can do it, can't do it, never gonna happen, why would I even try? But then uh my dad had told me something when I first joined the military um in, back in the Navy.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  And he said, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you some advice here. And he said, there's two, there's two old men sitting on a porch in their rocking chairs. He said, one old man is miserable and the other old man is content. He said, the, the first old man who's miserable. He is miserable because he let, he let life pass him by. He never took a chance. He never stepped out of his comfort zone. He never failed. He was scared to fail. He never tried anything that he could fail at. He never, he never put himself in vulnerable situations to where he may look stupid. Or again, fail.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  And so he always stayed in his comfort zone. He never tried anything that he could not accomplish. And because of that, he's sitting in his chair and he's looking back on all the I wish I would have's in life. And he saw that he had wasted life. He had let all of life pass him by and never did anything. And now he, he, he just, you know, it was a life unfulfilled. He's an empty shell of a man. The other old man, he was sitting there and he's, you know, he's drinking his beer. And he's looking back on everything he did in life. And he's fulfilled. He's gave life, he's taken life.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  He's, he's failed. He succeeded. He's done everything there was to do that he could do as a man. Everything. He's learned, he's helped people, he's, you know, failed. Um, been knocked down, gotten back up, but he's lived a fulfilled life. And he doesn't have any, I wish I would have's. He's just sitting back and he is enjoying the remainder of his time. Knowing that he did the very best he could with what he had. And that, and that's a man with fulfillment. He said, which, which old man do you want to be? So you can live your life in your comfort zone and never try.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  Never, never take a chance at failing. You can do that. But there's gonna be a point in time in your life when you're gonna look back. And you're going to have to reckon with what you did and did not do. And he said, I wish I would haves are a dungeon, a prison for old men. He said, don't grow up with I wish I would haves. So when I was at the army recruiter, he said, hey, we have this eighteen X-ray. We need green berets. What do you think? And I was like, ah, if I don't make it or when I don't make it, at least I can say I tried.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  So I signed up and uh, yeah, I think um, a couple of weeks later, I was at Fort Benning going through infantry basic. Getting ready to go on through jump school and then selection and to the Q course if, if selected, so. Man, I'm gonna use that story for my son. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, it's the truth. It's the truth. Life, life will pass you by and how many people do we see out here? That will, will never step out of their comfort zone. Probably about ninety percent. Yeah, they'll never take a chance at failing. Yeah, you see it everywhere.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, and the thing is about failure is if you use failure correctly, it'll make you stronger. For when you succeed. Mm hmm.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  And that's, and, and that's the, I mean, that's, that's the truth.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  That's a good story. Yeah, yeah, it's um, yeah, there's, there's gonna be a lot of uh, I call them, I call them old manisms. Yeah. That uh, that, that he's uh, he's put on me throughout the years and it's all, it, it's, it's all from the life that he lived. It's not, no one could ever say like, well, how do you know? It's like, oh, have a seat, let's talk, we're about ready to go down memory lane. You're gonna see, I got plenty of experience with good, bad, evil, and then pulling myself out and make myself a better person. You know, that saying like, once a loser, always loser, it's not true. It's not true. You can take those experiences and make yourself stronger and help other people with it.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Then to me is lessons learned. Damn right, damn right. I'm glad you said that. Yep, but um, so, so yeah, that's uh.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  You know, now I'm I'm on my path, eighteen x-ray. Um, I'm in it. I'm in infantry basic and I love it. I love every bit of it because my mind is off of it. I'm off of, you know, the, the, the shitstorm I created for myself. Uh, by running a good woman through the ground, um. I'm just, I'm buried in the training. And then next thing you know, jump school and I hated it. Hated jump school. I hate everything about heights. Didn't know that before. But I hated it. Hated everything about it. I was like, this job is not for me. I do not belong up in an aircraft, jumping out of it, stupid. But I did it.

• 49:22Speaker 04

  And then, um, selection and I remembered. We started off with four hundred and five guys in an October class. And, um, by the time, you know, the dust settled, there was, um, fifty-five of us left and I think twenty-two got, or no. No, fifty-five got selected out of the four hundred and five. That's right. So fifty-five got selected. And out of that fifty-five, uh, twenty-two of us made it through the course. Um, but once the dust settled and they, you know, they read off my roster number, zero, four, nine,

• 50:05Speaker 04

  selected, it's like, oh, that's me. Wait, what? I was just a bosun's mate in an ammo troop. How's that, you know? Um, so it was, it, it, it, it was a great, you know, accomplishment to get selected, even though that's, you know, selection isn't, yeah. When you get going through the Q course and you figure out like selection wasn't that bad. There's parts of the Q course where you're like, wow, this is, this is, this is pretty horrible, but. Um, you're learning and you know, I'm just, I'm progressing through and um, I, you know, I get done with, you know, selection. Now I'm in S E T and then SER and then, you know,

• 50:47Speaker 04

  from there we go to language school and then, then I realized what the air force was really talking about, about like, yeah, your test scores, you're kind of dumb. You know, but make it through language school and then, you know,

• 51:01Shawn Ryan?

  What was your language?

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Spanish. So, and now I'm in um, M O S phase. So eighteen Charlie demolitions and um, finish that. Now Robin Sage, the end of Robin Sage, you know, the instructor brings each candidate one by one over, tells you if you're a fail, uh, recycle, or a pass, recycle or fail. Um, and brings me over and it's like, right. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the brotherhood. Pass. It's like, I did? Wow. It's, you know, and it was, yeah, it was just so fulfilling. It was just that, that day and that, you know, how everything went down. Um, you know, it's one of those things that you'll remember for the rest of your life.

• 51:47Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  And um, so when I found out that I was, I was gonna graduate and become a Green Beret, um, yeah, I thought, you know, like, all right, I'm at, I'm at the pinnacle. I did it. Life is smooth sailing from here. Right? I just accomplished a, a fairly difficult, you know, training course to go through.

• 52:08Shawn Ryan?

  Fairly? Fairly difficult?

• 52:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, i- i- it's difficult, but, but the mil- I mean, there's a lot of difficult courses in the military.

• 52:17Shawn Ryan?

  There are.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, whether it's uh,

• 52:19Shawn Ryan?

  The one you went through being one of the top ones.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, whether it's BUDS or the Combat Control, um, uh, Para Rescue, um, Special Forces, MARSOC, yeah, there's, there's some, we, United States can breed some special operators for sure. Um, in my, in, in my humble opinion, uh, best in the world. Um, just as our military and our special operations.

• 52:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, the best in the world. But that's again, that's just my opinion. Uh, they're, you know, for the, the British brothers that are listening, just my opinion, you know? So, but, um, but yeah, so, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm, I'm graduating and it's smooth sailing and, and life, life is gonna be easy after this, right? Green Beret now, I did it. And, uh, failed to realize one real critical part of life. It's like, doesn't care what course you just made it through, or how badass you think you are. Life is even more badass and it's gonna, it's gonna pound you down.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  And so, you know, I'm riding this high, forgetting that you still, it's still life.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  And, and yeah, it didn't, it didn't take very long at all for life to show me. Like, hey dude, I'm still in control here. That was one wrong step. Yeah, now what are you gonna do? So, and that, yeah, so. What was that wrong step? So my first, I graduate the Q course, I get to seven special forces group. Um, get to my O D A where, um, you know, um, Kyle and I were together, Kyle Morgan and I were on the same O D A. Um, when I first get there, he takes me underneath his wing and, um, you know, and I start to go through the, um, the new guy isms and everything like that. And now, okay, hey, we're getting ready to deploy.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  Um, they've been home for four months and, uh, we're doing the, we're doing the, um, surge. And, um, we're heading back. What year is this? Uh, two thousand and ten. Okay. Yep, so we started working up for that deployment in April. And we were boots on the ground in June.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, April, yep. Um, so yeah, it was a very fast transition from when they first got home to, hey, we need, we need you guys back over there again. Um, and the area we were going to even prompted a response from the Chairman Joint Chief of Staff, Admiral Mullen at the time. Cause him and his entourage, they flew out to where we were conducting pre-mission training, PMT, and gave us a visit. Said, hey, you guys are going to a real bad area. You know, we need you, kinda talk. And, uh, where we were going was to the Chutu River

• 55:29Speaker 04

  Valley, um, along the Hellman River that separated Arusgan and, um, Hellman Province. And, you know, insurgents were using that as a funneling highway to conduct attacks in, um, in around, you know, Kandahar in the area, stuff like that. So weapons, um, min weapons equipment. Along the Hellman River there, we were going to replace a third group team that was there. Um, they had been fighting every single day. And that's where we were going. So, um, we get, get everything, you know, uh, PMT pre-mission training's done. And we're, uh, we're, you know, we're, we're loading up and we're heading out. And I'm,

• 56:13Speaker 04

  you know, now, now it's like, okay, this is what I, you know, this is what all the training's for. Um, I'm now, you know, this was that one missing part of my life to where, yeah, I had a great job in the Navy. I had a great job in the Air Force, but something was always missing. Um, that, you know, that a cop or, you know, getting, getting actually into the fight. Um, and so now, now it's come. And yeah, from landing, from landing in, um, Bagram, then our movement over to, uh, Kandahar and, uh,

• 56:51Speaker 04

  Then we start, we pack up and we, you know, we get our vehicles and we're starting to move out to Firebase Tyce and within three days, we're ticked up. We're, we're in a fight. Same story, everybody, you know, it's, it's not, it's not like this is, you know, a big dramatic thing. It's, everybody in the surge was getting in fights because we were pushing into areas that were, that were previously dominated by the Taliban and/or Al Qaeda.

• 57:19Shawn Ryan?

  So how long were you in country before you start, got in your first gunfight?

• 57:23Speaker 04

  Um, I think five days.

• 57:26Shawn Ryan?

  That's it?

• 57:27Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 57:28Shawn Ryan?

  So this is brand new Green Beret.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:31Shawn Ryan?

  Going on to your very first deployment.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 57:34Shawn Ryan?

  And five days later, you're in a gunfight.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, it actually was, it was actually funny what happened. So we were driving up to do our left seat, right seat ride, um, to this area we called the West Bank or the Alamo where we'd be at. And I was like, that's, I think that's a bad name for this place because I don't think the Alamo worked out too well the last time in Texas, but okay, whatever. So we're, we're making our way out there and you know, the captain of the, of the third group team, um, I'm driving, he's TC and he's like, okay, this is where you gotta just hit the gas because we're gonna get, we're gonna get lit up on this open stretch of about, um, uh, two thou- two thousand meters from here, the last cu- or

• 58:23Speaker 04

  last cover, we weren't really concealed, but the last cover to the Alamo, we gotta gun it and it's up a hill and then it's surrounded in a fishbowl kinda. And so they have guns on all the high points and it's just shooting down into this place and like, huh, all right. And then you got the Hellman River on the other side. So you can't really go anywhere. Um, and it's like, all right, all vehicles move and hit the gas and RG 33 doesn't take off like a, like a bolt of lightning. It gets some speed up, but once you're up to speed, it's also, doesn't stop on a dime either. Um, so we're, we're heading there and now all of a sudden you're hearing the tink, tink, tink, tink, tink and, uh, vi- you

• 59:08Speaker 04

  know, rounds are hitting the vehicles and then all of a sudden, swack, uh, the front window shatters. Or no, I'm sorry, not shatter, spider webs. Um, and Captain Yellen is like, drive, drive, drive, because one more of those and it's probably gonna, it's probably gonna cave in on us. And so we were thinking a disc, a disc could probably hit the front windshield. Um, disk around, sorry. So we make it into, you know, we're come flying into the gates there and, uh, guys are all up on the perimeter and everyone's shooting back and forth. And I jumped out of vehicle and, and we're all, you know, all right, you get up there and help support that or whatnot. And it was just, it was,

• 59:51Speaker 04

  it was controlled chaos, you know?

• 59:54Shawn Ryan?

  Is this, is this the first gunfight you've ever been in?

• 59:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. It's controlled chaos. We're, we're taking, we're taking, uh, fire from the ridgeline. We're taking fire from the Hellman River, this World War One style trench line that they had over there that we had hit multiple times. And then they come back out and they're ready for round two. It's like, how is, how are you guys doing this? Um, so, I mean, it's, it's a pretty, it's a pretty good, you know, um, fight. Um, and then air shows up on station and, and as you remember back in, and I say back in the day, I was, it's, it's not really back in the day, it's 2010, but in the 2010 time, um, you've really had to need air support to get it because they didn't have enough

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  platforms for the amount of guys that were out. And so, um, we finally get air on stations a couple of hours later and, um, then, you know, everyone, you know, you'll get sporadic fire here and there, but everything fades away because now you got air on station. Um, and that's, that's how our time, um, in the Alamo was, that's, that's how, you know, at the West Bank, that's, that's how it was. It was almost like clockwork. All right, breakfast is over. Yep. Here they, here comes the rounds and you know, shit's coming. All right. It's about lunchtime, prayer time. All right. Going to take a break. All right. Here we go again. Yep. All right. Good to go. And then, all right, I'm pretty much

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  everyone's done for the night. Okay. Yep. Good. And it was, it was just clockwork. It was like orchestrated kinda.

• 1:01:30Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  Um, up there. And if they were hitting us, they weren't hitting, um, Cobra. And if they're hitting Cobra, they probably weren't hitting us. And so it was just, it was just crazy for, you know, weeks and weeks and weeks, we were doing this. And, um, But the reason why we were there was, um, basically we had Overwatch and we had command and control of that part of the valley because we were going to be doing a major company clearance operation in the G2 River Valley, um, to push, you know, these guys out hopefully into spaces where we can hit them with aircraft and kill them. Um, and at the time, I mean,

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  with reports, there's, there was reports from, you know, 2000 Taliban fighters in the valley to who knows what, but 2000? Yeah, but what does that really mean? You know, 50, you know, and Afghan numbers are 25. But, but, you know, the reports were coming in and so we knew like this is a bad, bad area. Like we're, once we, once we kick off, um, we're gonna, we're gonna be in it. Um, from everything, from the amount of engagements we've had for months up to this point, to the reports that are coming in, everything, we're, we're, we're going

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  to be in a fight. And, um, and so, you know, we had planned the kickoff of the mission September 11th, 2010. And basically it revolved around our ODA and our partner force, we're going to be pushing up from the south while an ODA and commandos, we're going to come in from the central and then a couple ODAs with their partner force, we're going to come down from the north and basically kind of squeeze, um, the fighters up into the mountains and then just bomb the crap out of them, Tora Bora style. And so it's like, all right, um, we're getting, you know, we're getting prepped for the mission and, um, men,

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  weapons, equipment, everything's good to go. Got to get it across the Helmand River. Um, we did it with, uh, you know, some pretty ingenious inventions by myself with styrofoam and Zodiac rafts, but you know, got four wheelers across, everything like that. Nothing, nothing sank to the bottom of the Helmand. Thank God. Cause I was the new guy on the team. Really, really didn't need that. Um, but now, you know, so it's September 10th, we're starting to stage and it's quiet. It's dead quiet. Nothing's moving in the valley. It's like, all right.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  Obviously, they're tipped off. But, okay. So now, you know, all right. Last, last check of everything. It's September 11th. We're moving to our last covered and concealed. And um, we're waiting on kickoff um, from the Jock. So, waiting on SOTF to give us kickoff. September 11th, um, it's probably, you know, 10, 10:30 PM, 11, and we get, we get kickoff. It's time, yep, missions go, time to go. Green light. So, um, Captain gets on the radio, is like, all right, guys, everyone up, let's move.

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  And our first objective, we were going to be clearing um, the, the village of Seepest. And it was multiple compounds, but we had taken a lot of fire from there. So, we knew bad guys were in the area. And if they weren't in the area, then there's going to be IEDs in the area, for sure. Um, we had dealt with IEDs up to that point. But, we knew that once we got past that certain part in the river, everything was going to be IEDed. Um, and so, we get up to our, you know, our first, basically, controlled stop. And now, now it's 1 AM. You know, we had moved for a couple hours.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Um, slow movements, I'm up in the front with uh, my Afghans and we're clearing, you know, clearing the route like everyone always does and just slow movement to the first set of compounds. And um, and as we had rehearsed with our Afghan partners, um, they were actually a militia force. And um, as we rehearsed with them, it's like, we're going to get to a certain point, then, um, you guys are going to go and clear this compound. You know, we're going to get a foothold in it, we're going to clear it of IEDs, everything like that, and then we're going to have our first command and control, we're going to have our first C2C. So, okay, good to go. Just like we rehearsed. So, we got to the first point, about 25 meters away from the first compound.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  And I told uh, I told our, our interpreter, Nick, I was like, all right, all right, Nick. Yeah, tell them, let's go. All right, go clear that compound. It's like, yeah, doing Green Beret shit here. It's good stuff.

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  No one's moving. Nick, did you tell him? Yeah, I told him. Well, tell him again, like, just like we rehearsed. Come on, it's, it's that time. Let's go clear this compound. They said it's too dangerous. Well, no shit. That's why, that's why we're here. I know this. It's very dangerous. Tell him again. Okay, tells him, no. Said, no. But that's, that's not what we planned. We, we practiced this. You can't say no, can you? You can't say no. Oh, okay. Well, why? Said, it's too dangerous. This is, you know, you're better trained, you should go first. It's like, well, yeah, if this was Texas.

• 1:07:13Speaker 04

  And we're clearing a, you know, a, a small town in Texas from insurgents, I would, yeah, it's my country, I'll go first, yeah. But this is your country.

• 1:07:23Speaker 04

  Let's go. No. It's like, alright. So I turned around to tell my teammate, um, who was actually the team sergeant also. Turned around to tell him like, hey, these guys aren't moving.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  Um, and he, he, he grabs me and he's like, go get Nick away from that door right now. It's like, what, what are you talking about? So our interpreter had wandered down to the first breach point, um, doorway, whatever you want to call it, of the co- of compound zero zero one. And he's trying to wave him down. You know, still noise and light discipline. So he's not yelling, you know, follow me or anything like that. He's just trying to wave him down. Well, he's our only turk. And, and we have a bunch of militia guys with us. So we, so it's like, go get him away from that door now. It's like, oh shit.

• 1:08:18Speaker 04

  So I, again, I'll backtrack here in a second, but I wandered down to where he's at. And I grab him on the shoulder. You know, what, what are you doing, man? What the fuck are you doing? Back up now. Move back to Lance's position. What are you doing? Stupid, you know, and so he steps away from the breach and I cover his movement back because as of right now, whatever is inside of that compound is the unknown. We don't know if a guy is about ready to stick an AK barrel out there and start spraying. Have no idea. So I'm covering his movement back and um, and then I see, I see something

• 1:09:01Speaker 04

  kinda move out of the corner of the compound. I'm like, oh, what is that? I need, I need to get a better look at this. And um, and then I, you know, I can't really quite see it. I don't know what it was. Was it a cat? Was it a person? Is someone moving up along the wall? I, I have no idea. So I take a step in to look and boom. I'd stepped on a pressure plate IED in the breach point. So I'm, I, at first I don't know what happened. Nick's laying on the ground. He had made it back like um, probably, probably like five to seven meters from me. Nick's laying on the ground. Years are ringing. Um,

• 1:09:46Speaker 04

  it's the hallway yelling, you know what I mean? Um, or the yelling down a tube, I guess is what you call it or something. Yeah.

• 1:09:53Shawn Ryan?

  The echoing.

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, the echoing. Yeah. And

• 1:09:56Shawn Ryan?

  It's what you hear. You hear as you're coming to, you hear echoing voices.

• 1:10:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. And the ringing, the, just the ringing and, and then at first it was this huge flash of light and now I'm having a hard time seeing, but I'm surrounded with dust and ammonia. You know, that HME ammonia smell? And I'm like, if I don't get out of here, I'm gonna suffocate. I can't breathe. And so I'm trying to get up, but I can't. I'm trying to move, but I can't. So I'm getting mad. It doesn't hurt. I don't know what happened, but I'm getting pissed because I can't get up.

• 1:10:33Shawn Ryan?

  How long do you think you were out?

• 1:10:36Speaker 04

  Seconds. That's it? Yeah, i- i- if I was even out at all. I don't think I ever went out. No shit? Mm-mm. So, I'm, I'm laying there and as the ringing and everything, I'm like, okay, I can't move. I don't know why I can't move, but you know, I, I just stopped, control your breathing. What happened? RPG, uh, recoilless, like, like what happened? I, I, I know what's supposed to, I'm supposed to be doing right now because I've seen guys get blown up. And you start screaming and, and stuff like that. I was like, what happened? And then as the dust starts to clear, and again, I'm talking minutes here, this is seconds, you know?

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  But as the dust starts to clear, I looked down at my right leg and it's at a, my boot is at a ninety degree angle to my leg. And so, I'm trying to figure out, cause again, let's go back to the ASVAB test score. Not the brightest. Trying to figure out why my boot is pointing at a ninety degree angle to my leg. It's like, well, I didn't take my boot off, but huh. So, the dust clears a little bit more. And now I'm hearing, you know, people are, um, Lance is yelling like, Ryan, Ryan, you okay, Ryan? And I pick my leg up from behind the knee and my boot flops over.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  And then I see, um, sticking out of my pant legs, I see these two prly white objects. Like, the bone should be the color of bone. You can't call it white. It's, it's this whole new glowing, you know, it's September 12th. It's four something in the morning. It's about that time when you're like, do I need nods? Yes, no, you know, that kind of time. But these two objects that are sticking out of my pant leg are like glowing, white. And then I realized that's my tib and my fib. And I, and then that, and then it hit me. The pain, just, oh. Shit, there, that's, there it is. I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit.

• 1:12:47Speaker 04

  And yeah, that's like, that pain of.

• 1:12:55Speaker 04

  God, I've never felt anything like that before. Um, just excruciating pain and it it felt like it took forever for me. For it to hit me because I had to realize what happened. You know, my brain wasn't computing the pain. And again, I'm not I I I'm not neuroscience or anything like that. But for me, once I realized that was my Tib and my fib, it it absolutely just. Smash me like it like getting hit with by a truck. I've never been hit by a truck, but. I would imagine that would probably be pretty painful, too.

• 1:13:33Shawn Ryan?

  It was your Tib and fib were coming out of the leg that the part of the was it completely blown off?

• 1:13:40Speaker 04

  No. So, um.

• 1:13:42Shawn Ryan?

  Was it the part that was still attached to the part that?

• 1:13:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. So my, yeah, it was coming out of my right leg just here, um, right above my ankle.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  So in, um, so I'm laying there and I'm. You know, I I I hear people in the background, like now people are starting to get there, figuring out what what happened. Um, and Lance yells, he's like, Ryan, we're trying to get to you. Um, hold on. Get your tourniquet out. And so I'm trying to fumble with my tourniquet, but I'm in shock. Like, I can't believe what I just saw. My leg is at a 90 degree angle. And, you know, that was my Tib and my fib.

• 1:14:31Shawn Ryan?

  So it's right here?

• 1:14:32Speaker 04

  Hmm. That's that's where the bones came out of.

• 1:14:35Shawn Ryan?

  Shit.

• 1:14:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. So. I'm I'm trying to get my tourniquet and I'm, but I keep looking down. Horrible mistake with injuries. Don't don't look at it. Just.

• 1:14:48Speaker 04

  You know, look at your thigh and then start to start to get that tourniquet on. But I keep looking down and just keep putting my head back. And I remember, you know, Ryan, we're trying to get to you. Uh, we gotta, we gotta clear up to you. Um, and this is all Lance, other guys are on the radio. What just happened? Who was that? Um, what hap- you know, trying to figure out, trying to get a, you know, at least three W's out of it at all. But Lance is in shock because, you know, I stepped on an IED 25 meters from him and Who is Lance? He was the team's art. Okay. So he's in shock. Um, I'm going into shock and he's, you know, he's screaming for a medic.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  And I just, I remember. Did he put the tourniquet on you? No. Um, no, I, I remember looking back because I'm laying this way. Here's the compound and I'm fa- and I can see Lance in the background. And he seemed so far away. And I remember I laid my head back and I said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna die here today. No one can get to me. And I remember, I remember looking up. And I instantly started going through my life and the mistakes that I've made and the

• 1:16:14Speaker 04

  people that I hurt and the paths of destruction that I had created. And I was ashamed of myself. That I was going to die there that day, never have ever been a man. I was always a little boy. And that's how I was gonna die.

• 1:16:39Speaker 04

  And so I remember asking God for forgiveness. And under- understanding that, you know, I mean, people could read into and say, oh, well, you gave up, you accepted death. Okay. Maybe I did. I don't know what mind state I was in, but I remember looking up and I was asking God for forgiveness.

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  And then there was this hawk flying, just circling me.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  And it was, it was crazy. It was like, we're, we're in a full fight right now. Um, the Taliban had, they were moving down the river. Our Overwatch guys were engaging them. Aircraft were coming in, engaging them. There's a fight going on all around me and there's just this one hawk. Circling me with the aircraft and everything.

• 1:17:32Speaker 04

  And

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  people say, well, how do you know God is real? Cause I saw him.

• 1:17:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I saw him that day. He told me. You know, I got you.

• 1:17:46Speaker 04

  This is your wake up call.

• 1:17:49Speaker 04

  So I laid my head back and it took about probably, and I was like, I'm just gonna go to sleep. Slap.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  And teammates got to me, George McGonaghy and Kyle Morgan. And then slap again. And I'm like, quit.

• 1:18:07Shawn Ryan?

  They got to you?

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:08Shawn Ryan?

  Kyle. So hold on, the team sergeant that was behind you. You said 25 meters. What was he doing and why didn't he render aid to you?

• 1:18:20Speaker 04

  I can't answer that. I don't know. I, shock, maybe shock, um.

• 1:18:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I, I don't have a good answer for that.

• 1:18:33Shawn Ryan?

  Okay, so Kyle Morgan and who?

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  And George McGonaghy. So.

• 1:18:38Shawn Ryan?

  How far did they have to go to get to you? Do you know?

• 1:18:41Speaker 04

  A long ways, through minefield.

• 1:18:43Shawn Ryan?

  Through a minefield? So this guy's 25 meters away.

• 1:18:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Shawn Ryan?

  And these other two guys, Kyle Morgan and the other dude. Go through a minefield to get to you. Just to slap you on the face. No, I'm just kidding.

• 1:18:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, George hit me. I was, man, I was pissed. But yeah, they, they understood that where there's one IED, there's, there's five, there's 10, there's two, there's 20.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  And they knew that I was on a, I was on a time, I was on a time clock.

• 1:19:20Speaker 04

  And if if they didn't get to me, regardless of their life limb or eyesight, I was gonna die.

• 1:19:29Shawn Ryan?

  How many of you guys were there? How many Green Berets were on the ground roughly?

• 1:19:35Speaker 04

  Roughly 12. Yeah, we I think we had our whole ODA for the mission. Whether we had guys up on Overwatch or down actually doing the clearance, we had about 12. So, but yeah, Kyle and George, they got to me and started rendering aid immediately. I think I can't quite remember, but I think I had attempted my tourniquet, but it was just loose. You could move it up and down your leg. It was, you know.

• 1:20:10Speaker 04

  And then they just started cranking that sucker down. And I remember I was like, hey, this really hurts. Like, stop. They're like, crank again. It's like, oh, my God, please stop, you know? And I, yeah, I was like, tourniquets are worse than getting blown up. This really hurts. Like, who who invented this? Stupid.

• 1:20:34Speaker 04

  But, yeah, then, you know, they hit me with a fit and all lollipop. I chew it up immediately. You know, I'm just I'm begging for painkillers. Hit me with a morphine shot. And all of a sudden, I have I I have hives everywhere. It's like, oh, I'm allergic to morphine. Like, okay, this is a great time to figure this out.

• 1:20:53Speaker 04

  But, you know, it's okay. Hey, we we got Ryan. We got Ryan stable. Taliban are moving in right now. We gotta move. They took the buttstock off my M4. Ace wrapped my leg up because we're about ready to have a hasty ambush put in on us. And what I did was I kinda the the Taliban had an ambush set up for us. But I had kind of messed it up for him because I stepped on an IED a little bit earlier than they thought. It's like, well, you shouldn't have armed it then. But

• 1:21:26Speaker 04

  we, yeah, it's time. It's time to move. We can't drop. Taliban know it very well. If we close the distance with the Americans, they're not going to drop bombs on us. So now we have a gunfight. Good. Those are those are good odds for a guy on the high ground, a guy on the low ground.

• 1:21:43Speaker 04

  So now it's like, okay, time to go. Uh, so basically it's like, where, where's the litter? Like, well, we didn't bring a litter.

• 1:21:54Speaker 04

  And, you know, um, I'll never, I'll never forget this call. So our captain, um, and he, he lost both of his legs the next deployment, but our captain is on the radio. And he's like, hey, we got, we got a patient urgent critical. And the medevac was, they said, well, we can't, we can't go down there and pick them up. It's too hot. There, there's too much gunfire, RPGs, stuff like that. We can't get down there. You have to move them out. We can't get down there. It's like, we need you guys down here now. He, he, this, this, this guy's gonna die. And he's like, one guy or a whole air crew?

• 1:22:35Shawn Ryan?

  Shit.

• 1:22:36Speaker 04

  And, and over ICOM chatter, the Taliban were celebrating. I could hear them laughing and cheering.

• 1:22:44Shawn Ryan?

  You could hear that?

• 1:22:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. Over ICOM chatter, cause Nick had the ICOM up and he was monitoring their movements to us and they were celebrating. He was like, they're celebrating. They killed, you know, the American. They're celebrating and, you know, they played that fucking horrible music that they do. And, um, it was over me. And so, um, that was burnt, you know, obviously into my mind.

• 1:23:10Shawn Ryan?

  You, you remember that vividly?

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  Vividly. Yep. And so, um, the call, you know, there's a lot of indecision on the ground and Kyle finally, Aaron Kyle's like, I'm in, you're out. I, I'm taking over this.

• 1:23:25Shawn Ryan?

  Who's out?

• 1:23:26Speaker 04

  Lance.

• 1:23:27Shawn Ryan?

  The, the team sergeant that was, okay. So Kyle, he was in, he just, he couldn't pull it together.

• 1:23:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:35Shawn Ryan?

  Wrong job.

• 1:23:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. Um, so now Kyle is like, Ryan, it's gonna hurt really bad. I'm picking you up. I gotta carry you. And, um, and it was, it was, it was extremely painful. Um, but Kyle picks me up, fireman carry, and, um, and starts moving to where we could set up an HLZ and actually land, um, actually land a, a Blackhawk to get me out of there. And, I mean, thousand, fifteen hundred meters.

• 1:24:11Speaker 04

  And it's just, yeah, it was.

• 1:24:14Shawn Ryan?

  Kyle carried you thousand to fifteen hundred meters?

• 1:24:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, we had to stop a couple of times so he could, you know, um, kind of loosen up a little bit.

• 1:24:23Shawn Ryan?

  How was he carrying you? Fireman's carry?

• 1:24:25Speaker 04

  Hmm, fireman's carry, but he just kept moving.

• 1:24:28Shawn Ryan?

  With full kit?

• 1:24:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:29Shawn Ryan?

  With, holy shit.

• 1:24:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, he just, he just kept moving because, um, saving my life meant more to him than his comfort, his pain, um,

• 1:24:49Speaker 04

  anything that was going on in his mind at the time and even his own life. That's what it meant to save my life.

• 1:24:58Speaker 04

  So, and so, yeah, they, you know, it was years later when Kyle and I talked. And I didn't realize that the whole team knew that that was my last flight. I was gonna die on the helicopter from blood loss.

• 1:25:17Speaker 04

  And, yeah, I didn't, I didn't realize it was that bad. I mean, I knew it was bad because in Taran Cow, they had told me that, you know, I suppose, or I, I didn't, it's like meat at the fridge or, you know, at the supermarket, but I had expired twice. I was like, okay, is that bad? It's like, oh, God, you're dumb. Yeah, man, it means you died twice. It's like, oh, oh, and, uh, blood transfusions and everything, but yeah, if it wasn't, if it wasn't for Kyle carrying me out and Kyle and Georgia's quick response to me, yeah, that, that would have been it. I would have died right there along the Homewood River.

• 1:26:00Shawn Ryan?

  Damn, Ryan.

• 1:26:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:03Shawn Ryan?

  Let's take a quick break.

• 1:26:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:04Shawn Ryan?

  It's heavy stuff.

• 1:26:06Speaker 04

  Good time for a break.

• 1:26:07Shawn Ryan?

  Let's take a quick break.

• 1:26:12Speaker 05

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPact.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 1:26:46Speaker 00

  Mr. President, my company foreme of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me.

• 1:26:55Speaker 05

  Tom Cruise is.

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up.

• 1:27:01Speaker 05

  From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:27:03Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped going? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 1:27:07Speaker 05

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:27:10Speaker 02

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:27:11Speaker 05

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:27:21Shawn Ryan?

  All right, Ryan, we're back from the break. We had just wrapped up your story. You're on the bird, heading home. And, you know, we only really have one perspective, and that's yours. So I got one of your teammates on the line here, Kyle Morgan.

• 1:27:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:37Shawn Ryan?

  And he's going to give us his perspective of what happened. Kyle, you on here?

• 1:27:44Speaker 06

  Yes, I am.

• 1:27:47Shawn Ryan?

  Can you hear me?

• 1:27:48Speaker 06

  Ryan, can you, uh, can you hear me?

• 1:27:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's up, brother?

• 1:27:53Speaker 06

  What's up, man? I'm glad, uh, I'm really glad that you're, uh, you're sitting down and doing this interview, man. Um, your story's incredible, brother, and I'm just glad to have been a part, even a smaller part of it, um, in what you're continuing to do, man. So Sean, you're in, you're in the best hands you could be, uh, with what Sean's doing for this country and arguably for this world.

• 1:28:17Shawn Ryan?

  Thank you, brother. Well, Kyle, we just wrapped up. We had talked about this on your episode, too. But, um, I just wanted to get your perspective of everything that happened on, uh, September 12th, 2010.

• 1:28:34Shawn Ryan?

  Starting from where Ryan went to the breach point.

• 1:28:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, so, I mean, like you mentioned, I talked about this in the interview I did with you because this was a pretty big part of the journey that I've been on and my own, you know, healing and growth and just being there for your mates. And, you know, so backing up to that, that day itself, you know, we infilled across that river, which it wasn't a small river, the Hellman River. And, you know, I think it's important to mention that we had gotten some human intelligence that they booby trapped the doorways that night,

• 1:29:19Speaker 06

  which we knew they were damming up the irrigation canals, running dish goes down, wheel barrels, you know, using the cover concealment piece of it. And, you know, we were taking effective fire daily. I mean, that's how I met Ryan, was in trial by fire. And, you know, I was in Sodik and I missed our pre-mission training, but when he got to the team and he was just, you know, he was just this, you know, new guy on the team that had, you know, probably older than me. And I was like, I think he was in the Air Force and the Navy. I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing here? And, um, but just happier, happier than shit to be there. And, um, you know, so we, I feel like we owed it to all of our guys on

• 1:30:02Speaker 06

  our team to, to, once we got that report, you know, to, to give it, to give it the energy it needed. And, you know, I think I protested us infilling that night, but based on us, so we could actually, you know, reevaluate some things. And, um, based on resources and us not being able to get resourced, and we finally did with, with all the different, you know, moving pieces of this, close air support and all of that, you know, we went ahead and went and did it. And, um, we thought we, you know, we could mitigate some of the risk by going in, up and over walls and blowing holes through walls instead of going through the thresholds and, you know, You know, we're clearing every step we take kinda thing using the cover of darkness.

• 1:30:42Speaker 06

  But by the point, by the time we got to, um, you know, uh, reaching the, uh, our initial points or the, you know, the actions on piece, it was already, you know, morning twilight time. And, um, I just remember, I think I was on the northern, uh, the northern element, but on the same side of the canal, uh, as Ryan and, and his element. And the way we were brought down, I'm not sure you mentioned, it was like two of us and then a squad of people that, um, were barely trained and then a couple of really competent Afghans that we had, you know, that had saved our lives multiple times up to this point. And, um, I believe Ryan was, you know, he, I know he was with the team sergeant

• 1:31:23Speaker 06

  and, um, I had a medic with me and I was probably 50 yards north of, uh, of Ryan's position. But I just know that, um, it was this, this, you know, obviously from my perspective was this, this explosion goes off and I just hear this like, I could hear a thud, right? And it would end up being Ryan's body, you know, um, you know, to hit, you know, uh, blasting up and then, you know, hitting the ground. It was that, you know, that, that quiet after the explosion. And, um, you know, I think my initial, my initial reaction was just to take off running over there. Um, but one of my partner force guys that had saved us a, a ton of times up to that point

• 1:32:05Speaker 06

  kinda stopped me, um, and said, hey, let me lead, let me, let me lead out. So it felt like it took, um, an eternity for me to, to, to cover that distance to, uh...

• 1:32:21Shawn Ryan?

  How long did, how long did it take after the explosion that you realized it was Ryan?

• 1:32:26Speaker 06

  Not, not very long because I could hear his voice like audibly, like, uh, there was nothing over the radio, but I could hear him, his screams, um, after that thud. And, um, I, that's when I, I went to go take off and, um... You know, nothing crickets on the radio and I just, I was, just took off, you know, and, and uh,

• 1:32:51Speaker 06

  with moving very slowly, you know, what felt like was extremely, you know, painstakingly slow and, and to get back to him, but when I rounded that corner, um, back towards his position, the first thing I encountered, um, was the team sergeant just sitting there on his knees, kind of messing around with something on his kit and then he kind of tried to grab my attention and hand me something and, and it was a, it was a tourniquet that was still in the plastic. And I was like, I was like, you're useless, man. Like, what are you doing? I, I mean, I didn't say that, but I was thinking it as I'm continuing past him to Ryan and, but like when I got there, Jorge, our, our eighteen fox had already gotten there to him and had Jorge not gotten there, um, when he did,

• 1:33:36Speaker 06

  like Ryan for sure would have, would have let out because I think Ryan was trying to, you know, self aid, you know, apply a tourniquet, but he couldn't, um, to himself and, um, but Jorge was able to get that tourniquet in place and actually stop the bleeding because up to that point he had lost, you know, a ton of blood and, um, I just know that, uh, you know, the actions of, of, of a few of us were able to, to really, you know, get him, get him packaged up, well, stop the bleed and then get him packaged up and get him, get him to that next higher level of care. But, um, there was a massive breakdown, um, in a, in a few things, you know, and when,

• 1:34:15Speaker 06

  even, even the fact that like, we knew when we crossed that river, we were going to end up staying over there. So we were limited on how many resources we could bring over with us, but we didn't even have a, we didn't have a litter, uh, at least in that, near my element, uh, or Ryan's element. And so we didn't even have a Polish litter. So like, I went and grabbed a woobie or found a woobie, uh, poncho water. And, uh, we got, got him, we wanted his, uh, we put a try to basically put everything back in alignment as, as we could with his injury. And then, and then splintered it with his, the bloodstock of his AR and, and then put him on that woobie and kind of grabbed some corners and, you know, at that point I'm trying to tell the team sergeant to, to bring the helos in and just pointing in a general direction of a clearing.

• 1:34:58Speaker 06

  But I also believe that we were taking some effective fire, or at least the, the other element was taking fire down towards the irrigation canal. And the dust one or the, uh, the med-

• 1:35:10Speaker 06

  The medevac flight, um, the, uh, the medevac flight said that they wouldn't come in and obviously we're carrying Ryan at this point with, uh, with the poncho liner and it starts ripping apart.

• 1:35:23Speaker 06

  Cause Ryan's not a, not a little, little fella.

• 1:35:26Shawn Ryan?

  He's a thick man.

• 1:35:30Speaker 06

  I think that's where my neck injuries, um, started.

• 1:35:35Speaker 06

  Cause, uh, what ended up happening after that was like this, the poncho liner, you know, it's not rated for that. So in the, the train's awful. It was just like, like just super rocky and, and rolling and, and, uh, so we got to like a small little piece of cover, like a little ravine and kind of set him back down. I know that he, he had, apparently I think he chewed the, um, fentanyl lollipop. Um, so it wasn't as effective as it could be. He's in agonizing pain the whole time and, and I just see, um, the team sergeant just not making any decisions after, you know, we're like, the helo says they won't,

• 1:36:15Speaker 06

  they can't come in. And, um, you know, then the poncho liner rips and I'm just, I'm beyond frustrated. And, uh, at, at that point I was just like, hey Lance, make a decision. And then pause, nothing, nothing. And I'm like, it, this is what we're doing. And, um, Ryan actually reminded me about me saying that because he kind of came back to what I asked. Um, cause remember when we talked about this last year, Ryan, we reconnected and, and it was really cool to have that conversation because I just through time have, have, you know, forgotten certain aspects of, of, of my life. Um, but, but it was really cool to see or to have that conversation with you and, and

• 1:36:58Speaker 06

  me to, to give you some, some of my perspective too. But, you know, ultimately I'm like, this is what we're doing and, and. I threw him on my shoulders and, and uh, I think he was complaining about his, his uh, his nuts the whole time hurting or something.

• 1:37:15Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah. What was, what was your plan Kyle? When you said, fuck it, I'm taking control. What came after that?

• 1:37:22Speaker 06

  Because we were, we were taking fire, the other element was taking fire and we needed to, we needed to make a decision on where that uh, helo was gonna come in. Cause we were separate, right? We were, we were separate by terrain. We, I felt comfortable with the fact that we had um, the buildings kinda masking, you know, that in, the engagement to reaching us, that we, we could bring that helo in, you know, another four hundred yards. And but, what, what the conversation that was happening back and forth is, is he wouldn't, he wouldn't convey that to, to the medevac. So, um, and the captain, which was a phenomenal, which I'd love to have him like chat with you as well, um, Sean,

• 1:38:02Speaker 06

  because his story is incredible as well. And, and uh, Ben, Captain Ben Arrow, I think I talked to him about him in, in my interview. Um, and, but he was over there with the other element and, you know, it was basically just like, let's get this helo in right here. We can't move him. We don't have the, what we need to be able to cover the distance from what they're proposing as the, as a, as a landing zone. So ultimately, it was just like, okay, like fuck it, just bring him in, like right there. Wherever they, they feel comfortable in, we gotta keep moving to them then. Since it's another, at that point, it was probably another eight, eight hundred or a thousand yards.

• 1:38:41Speaker 06

  Um, eh, to get to the helo. And um, yeah, so I just remember like carrying him as far as I could and, and trying to eh, hand him off occasionally. And ultimately I started carrying him and I ended up carrying him um, to the actual helo. I just remember setting him on the helo, threw the brown out and uh, just seeing, he just kinda looked like death, man. And uh, I was just uh, you know, it was eh,

• 1:39:10Speaker 06

  I was like uh, I don't know if I'm gonna see him again.

• 1:39:14Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:15Speaker 06

  And then, you know, and then he takes off and um, um. Uh, and it was just, it was like eerie because I think Cass had rolled in and the closer sport had taken out some of the fighting positions. So like it was just eerily quiet. Once the Hilo, you know, was out of audible range and, and I just remember going back and just feeling like, what the we just do? Like, um, like, I was just, because I had protested going, like going based on the intelligence, regardless of how, you know, we knew that area was, was, they were fortified. But that report that we had gotten, like, I just felt like we could have given it a little bit more time, man.

• 1:39:57Speaker 06

  And then the fact that I thought we, we, we lost, we were potentially losing Ryan completely. Um, not just to the mission, but to, to life, you know, and, um. I just felt like we owed him as the, I wasn't that senior, but I mean, I'd been on the team for a couple of years at that point. And I feel like we failed and, um, and all the stuff that the team sergeant, and that wasn't his first, like, discrepancy, right? Or negligence. I mean, the gross negligence and like, who, who has their tourniquets with them in, in the plastic, man?

• 1:40:29Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:30Speaker 06

  Like, that's not preparation. That's not being prepared. That's not anything we teach. And just because you're a team sergeant doesn't mean you don't need to, like, you need to be the one setting the standard. And that's what actually drove me to, to, to continue to, to push myself to, to be better as, as the best version, you know, professionally as I could. And, um. I just know in the other part too, is like, we had to, we had to finish the mission. It was just like, there was this, this somberness piece. And I think we ended up clearing like 27 IDs, uh, in that village, like booby traps.

• 1:41:04Speaker 06

  Over time.

• 1:41:05Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:41:05Speaker 06

  But like, yeah, man, and you know, the uh, and I, and the other part too, that was kind of like, it didn't sit well with me is like, I know we were isolated out there because this was a part of the village stability operations initiative thing that the Green Berets were trying to reinvigorate or, you know, use the stock or so calm. And um, it, it's, I get part of that, but the, you know, we were isolated as far as communication, you know, limited to, to certain means, but um, I, I feel like we didn't find out like how he was doing, if he was even alive for, for way too long.

• 1:41:42Speaker 01

  How long?

• 1:41:43Speaker 06

  And I, I, I, to me, like, if, if, I, I feel like, maybe we got a little bit of report that he was in Germany and then on his way to, to the States, but then.

• 1:41:53Speaker 01

  Over a week. Weeks?

• 1:41:55Speaker 06

  After that, it felt like a week.

• 1:41:57Speaker 01

  Over a week, shit.

• 1:41:59Speaker 06

  Um, and you know, there was, there was just so many things that, you know, I, I had, I had a, a very serious discussion. I, I've had, I had other discussions before about other negligence or discrepancies with that team sergeant. Um, not just me, it's the team as a whole, that we were successful based on the guys on our team and, and it wasn't, and our captains were always really great. Um, but the uh, you know, the, the, some of the breaks, breakdowns and, and some of the decision making is really what forced me, not forced me, but like, validated, because I didn't want to leave my team, especially after that trip as well, but um,

• 1:42:41Speaker 06

  you know, to go to the unit that I, that I went to, but you know, to be able to reconnect with, with Ryan has been phenomenal and to see, to see what he's done with it and the story and like the book, you know, the, the book he wrote and, and, and um, he's just, he's helping so many people with what he's doing and, and still doing, he's over there de-mining. Like he's, he's, it's mind blowing that self-assertive that that man, um.

• 1:43:07Speaker 06

  Continues to do, you know, and uh, but that's just the caliber person that's sitting across from you, Sean.

• 1:43:14Shawn Ryan?

  We're figuring that out as time goes on, man. Thank you for, thank you for putting him on my radar. Seriously.

• 1:43:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43:22Shawn Ryan?

  Do you um, do you guys have anything you want to say to each other before we, we move on?

• 1:43:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, bro. Like I, like I was telling, uh, Sean, um, you know, I wouldn't be sitting here today if it wasn't for you. And I know, I know you don't really like to hear that, but it's, it's the truth. And so, yeah, um, all the way back in two thousand and ten, you know, I'm always, you know, we're family. Uh, you're my brother, but yeah, me sitting here on the show today started back September 12th, two thousand and ten.

• 1:43:55Speaker 06

  Man, I, Ryan, I, you know, I love you, brother, and um, I'm always gonna be here for you. And you're, you're in, in order for you to, to tell the story that, that I know that it's gonna help so many people. Um, you couldn't be in better hands than with, than you are with Sean. And the fact that this is, this is happening to me is, is I'm beyond, um, excited to watch this, um, interview and, and uh, you know, I'm always gonna, I just, just know that like Sean's a forever friend, you know, as you, as you're, as you're in that hot seat, you know, sharing, you know, the, the, the best and the ugliest parts of you. Um, it's a part of a bigger, a bigger mission that Sean's creating and, and executing.

• 1:44:40Speaker 06

  So it's an honor, man, and I love you, love both of you, and thank you for, for bringing me into this, this special, uh, interview.

• 1:44:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, brother.

• 1:44:50Shawn Ryan?

  It's my honor, man. I love you too, brother.

• 1:44:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love you, bro.

• 1:44:54Shawn Ryan?

  You're one of my favorite humans.

• 1:44:58Shawn Ryan?

  Seriously, I'm very proud to know you, man. But hey, Kyle, best of luck to you. I'll talk to you, I'll talk to you soon. I'll call you after the interview.

• 1:45:06Speaker 06

  All right, brother. Take care.

• 1:45:07Shawn Ryan?

  You too, man.

• 1:45:08Speaker 04

  All right, brother. Bye-bye.

• 1:45:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, like I said, um, people throw around, you know, the word hero a lot and um, I'm no hero, but I've served with them and you just got off the phone with one. Yeah. You know, you ever heard about, um, you know, just people that have worked, you know, I'm just a normal guy working amongst heroes. That's, that's, that's a hero. So.

• 1:45:41Shawn Ryan?

  You know,

• 1:45:44Shawn Ryan?

  I don't think anybody that sat in that chair has ever considered themselves a hero, man.

• 1:45:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:49Shawn Ryan?

  So.

• 1:45:52Shawn Ryan?

  It's always for somebody else to, uh, make that decision.

• 1:45:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, that's a good point.

• 1:45:57Shawn Ryan?

  You know?

• 1:46:00Speaker 04

  Yeah. Heavy phone call, bro.

• 1:46:03Shawn Ryan?

  You want to take a break?

• 1:46:04Speaker 04

  No, no, good to go.

• 1:46:05Shawn Ryan?

  All right, let's press on.

• 1:46:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, yeah, we, uh, I'm on the bird now and I remember lifting off and, um, you know, looking down at the team and I, I, I could see, you know, as the guys were getting smaller and smaller, um, you know, that, that, that was probably it for me. I, I would never, you know, I would never be the same again. Um, I didn't know how bad off I was. Um, I didn't know how much blood I had lost, but I knew that, you know, Ryan Hendrickson, as I knew it, that day

• 1:46:42Speaker 04

  would all, would be different. Um, so we fly into a Taran count and, um, the, the team that is going to meet me, apparently they were expecting a body.

• 1:46:59Shawn Ryan?

  Are you serious?

• 1:47:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. My couple of my buddies were at TK and heard about the medevac and they weren't sure if they were getting a body or, or, um, or Ryan, you know, wounded Ryan or what it was. Um, so the I showed up and, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm alive and there's some, there's some pissed dudes. It's like, you're alive? What the, you know, and so that range of emotion and everything like that, but, um, they're getting me towards the, uh,

• 1:47:34Shawn Ryan?

  So it got to them that you, that you were dead?

• 1:47:37Speaker 04

  That's, that's what they were telling me. Yeah. How many other people did they tell that you were dead? Um. Had any family members been contacted? So there's mixed on that. I had asked my dad about it and he had told me that he was given the wrong information at first. But he's glad they cleared it up.

• 1:48:00Speaker 04

  Not sure what information that was and he won't share it. I'm sure we could all read between the lines here. Yeah. Um, but my buddy Nick and Jeremy, they um, whether it had come through the grapevine. Um, I, I can't see anyone given an official report. Like I doubt the helicopter um, would have gave a report of, you know, one, one cat or one KIA coming in. So I'm not really sure, but over the years talking to them, they were like, yeah, we, we thought we were, we were getting your body. It's like, oh, okay. I didn't realize things were at that point.

• 1:48:39Speaker 04

  But um, so I remember, I remember getting, you know, they're rushing to the helicopter. Everyone's running. Like what is going on here? There is a lot of frantic people. Um, and not out of control, just very controlled, but they're not, they're not wasting time. And they're starting to cut clothes and I had on my lucky Oregon Ducks t-shirt. You know, huge Oregon Ducks fan. And I remember this lady went to it with uh, with the trauma scissors. And I was like, no, this is my lucky shirt. I will take this off myself.

• 1:49:19Speaker 04

  And you know, I'm trying to fight her, you know, just what I remember. Yeah, it's probably, I, I probably was, you know, way more out of it, but my, in my head, I was putting up a really good fight. And then, and then she, she had said something along the lines, have you seen your leg? Like, how lucky is this shirt, sir? Let me do my job. So yeah, I'll get another lucky Oregon Ducks t-shirt another time. So, um, and then it was lights out. And so I don't remember much past that, except for when.

• 1:49:53Speaker 04

  I came to the first time that I woke up after surgery number one or however many I don't know. Um, so when I, when I came to, there was a couple of guys that were in my room. Um, one of my, my buddies Dino and then Calvin. Um, and again, I was the new guy on the team. So, um, you know, these were more senior dudes. They've been around for a while and, um, but they're, you know, they're in my room and, um, and it's like, hey, man, you know, glad, glad you made it. Glad you're alive. Um, here's a note from the, the 18 Delta that rode, rode with me from, you know, when I got hit.

• 1:50:38Speaker 04

  Um, to TK and the note said, if you're reading this note, you're alive. Holy shit. Yeah. So I didn't know why he wrote that note. It didn't, it didn't make sense to me. What did it feel like reading that note? Confused. I was very confused on, on what happened. Like, why am I reading the note? If you're reading this, you're alive. You made it. Like, of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be? Okay. And then it took years later talking to Kyle that I probably shouldn't be alive.

• 1:51:14Speaker 04

  Um, so I'm reading that note and I still have it today. I have it, you know, um, in, in, uh, with my purple heart. But, um, and then, yeah, but I'm reading that note and I'm trying to dissect everything. And I remember I started crying and you know, like team guys would, you know, uh, my teammates like, stop crying. Stop crying, man. There's gonna be plenty of time to cry. Stop fucking crying. You need to get control over this. Stop crying. And so, you know, I, you know, I was trying to, you know, uh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's, let's, you know, stop. You know, I still can't figure out what happened. I looked down. I'm like, what is that? What, what is that down there? What happened?

• 1:51:59Speaker 04

  And so Calvin, um, he was on another team, but he was one of the more senior 18 deltas um, in the company. And he was on another team and, you know, um, he heard that I got hit and so he wanted to check on, you know, guys in the company. And, um, and he was, you know, he was talking to me a little bit, but I remember Calvin told me, he said, hey, man, um, we're heading out to that area too. And we're, we're gonna get these that did this to you.

• 1:52:33Speaker 04

  And so, you know, I was trying to, I was trying to say, you know, something, you know, I'm, I'm the new guy. What am I really gonna say like, hey, man, be, be safe, watch your back, you know, whatever it was. Just trying to have something to contribute to, you know, that powerful message he just relayed to me. We're gonna get these that did this to you. And, um,

• 1:53:03Speaker 04

  yeah, Calvin died that mission.

• 1:53:06Speaker 04

  Along with Mark, um, combat controller.

• 1:53:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:53:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:53:24Speaker 04

  So they killed a lot of guys too.

• 1:53:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. But that was Calvin, Calvin's last mission.

• 1:53:33Shawn Ryan?

  That haunt you?

• 1:53:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:53:37Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:53:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. So.

• 1:53:42Shawn Ryan?

  Do you think they would have gone out any other way?

• 1:53:46Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:53:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't.

• 1:53:52Speaker 04

  It's hard to tell because that starts to

• 1:53:57Speaker 04

  that starts to get into the line of self victimization. Well, if I would have just done this, maybe he would be alive today. Or if I could have done this different or this, maybe he would still be here.

• 1:54:10Speaker 04

  It's, you know, there's, you know, our lives,

• 1:54:16Speaker 04

  our lives are like a book. The beginning chapter and the end chapter has already been written. That's up to God. When you're born and when you die. That's, that's in God's hands.

• 1:54:27Speaker 04

  What's in the middle is up to you.

• 1:54:30Speaker 04

  How are you going to fill in those pages of your book? That's up to you.

• 1:54:35Speaker 04

  But the beginning chapter and the end chapter has already been written. Someone could say, well, what happens if you kill yourself? That was the end chapter. It was already written. That's, that's, that's in God's hands, not yours. And the more that I've tried to handle and control death over, over the years, I mean, it started off with Jason Holbrook. He died early on on my first deployment and we had gone through the Q course together. And, you know, as I tried to understand death and as I tried to reason with why, in the end, it's, it's not up to you.

• 1:55:18Speaker 04

  The beginning and the end chapters of your life is, it's not up to you.

• 1:55:24Speaker 04

  And it's,

• 1:55:26Speaker 04

  it's hard, but refreshing. When you know you don't have control. It's in God's hands.

• 1:55:35Speaker 04

  At least for me it is. So I, obviously, you know, I do get a little, you know, I, I get, I get choked up with Calvin. I'm a human being.

• 1:55:50Speaker 04

  But there were times when I used, you know, his death as a way to make my, or to, to create even more of a victim. To, to why, you know, um, here's a husband with kids and anything like that, like it's not fair. And to victimize and to try and understand death, you can't understand death, that's, it's not up to you. So.

• 1:56:22Shawn Ryan?

  We talked about this quite a bit this morning. I'd like to, what you're talking about is survivor's guilt. And a lot of people hear about it and not a lot of people understand it.

• 1:56:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:56:37Shawn Ryan?

  And so if you're willing, I'd like to, I'd like to explore this for a little bit.

• 1:56:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:56:44Shawn Ryan?

  So what kind of feelings were you feeling after he died?

• 1:56:50Speaker 04

  When I heard that Calvin died, I, I felt like. No, number one, when I heard he died, I was, I was on every narcotic known to man for my leg and, you know, all the procedures I was going through, but I, I automatically took it as it was my fault. How? There's no way it was my fault. You know, that's just, that's, that's the, that's the uncomfortable thought process that goes through survivor's guilt. When, and so when Calvin died, especially when Calvin died because of the conversation

• 1:57:34Speaker 04

  we had before he left. I felt that me getting injured.

• 1:57:44Speaker 04

  Was the reason why he was killed. And me getting injured put my team at risk. And me getting injured put my friends at risk. And me getting injured was the reason why people weren't going to go home to their families. Is that the case? It's not. But that's what, that's what if you allow it, that's what survivor guilt can do to you. Is you can take on that whole burden of something that you have no control over. It's not up to you. But you can take on that whole burden and make it your own.

• 1:58:25Speaker 04

  That's now every single person that got hurt or died is your cross to bear. Until you can't bear it anymore. Then what do you do? Is it alcohol? Is it drugs? Is it suicide?

• 1:58:41Speaker 04

  Then what do you do? Cause it's impossible to bear that guilt. And it's in the word survivors guilt. And it's impossible. You can't live with survivor's guilt.

• 1:58:55Speaker 04

  Something's gonna break. And it usually breaks in the form of suicide, as we've all seen. It does.

• 1:59:03Speaker 04

  But survivor's guilt is dangerous. And it's a victimized mindset because there's something that you could have done that would have prevented that. And lots of veterans have survivor's guilt.

• 1:59:19Speaker 04

  Thousands.

• 1:59:22Speaker 04

  And it's, it's a prison. And it's a prison that you can't, it's, it's dark. It's lonely. People, but the thing is, is people try to rush in and help you. And you push them away to stay in that dark and lonely place.

• 1:59:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's, uh, it's, it's bad news, man. How are you handling that now? So survivor's guilt for me and.

• 1:59:55Speaker 04

  How I handle it now is by talking about it. How I handle it now is maybe my message is going to reach one person. One person is gonna hear what I have to say.

• 2:00:07Speaker 04

  And maybe think twice about their path they're on. Or the decisions that maybe they're getting ready to make. Because of the survivor's guilt.

• 2:00:20Speaker 04

  Because of the stress of carrying that burden. And so with me, because I do believe that the beginning and the end chapter of your life has been written, you can't control that. It's not up to you. It's in God's hands. I, my survivor's guilt, I deal with it through my faith and my belief.

• 2:00:49Speaker 04

  That what I just said, the beginning and the end isn't up to you. It's God's plan regardless of how unfair it seems. That's God's decision.

• 2:01:04Speaker 04

  And that, that helps, that, that calms me down, that soothes me. That is, you know, what I need to be able to take a lot of the emotion out of it, even though it is, it's very emotional for me to talk about. But again, I'm a human being. But I can take a lot of that emotion out of it and I can see how I can use this message to help somebody.

• 2:01:29Speaker 04

  To give somebody that, that, that light in the darkness.

• 2:01:35Speaker 04

  You know, take some of that burden. You don't gotta carry it alone. There's tons of us out here. Thousands of us out here.

• 2:01:43Speaker 04

  But we're not gonna find you. You gotta reach out. If no one knows you're struggling, no one's gonna know you're struggling. Very true. Yep. So that's, that's how I've, my faith in using my experiences to help other people.

• 2:02:03Speaker 04

  That would be.

• 2:02:08Shawn Ryan?

  Can I ask you a question?

• 2:02:09Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:02:14Shawn Ryan?

  You spent

• 2:02:16Shawn Ryan?

  twenty-two years in the military, correct?

• 2:02:19Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:02:19Shawn Ryan?

  In eight deployments. You've been around the SOF community for how many years now?

• 2:02:25Speaker 04

  Thirteen.

• 2:02:26Shawn Ryan?

  Thirteen years in service to include outside of service?

• 2:02:30Speaker 04

  Oh, no, um, outside of service would be

• 2:02:35Speaker 04

  sixteen, seventeen.

• 2:02:36Shawn Ryan?

  Sixteen years, so you know the community very well.

• 2:02:40Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:02:44Shawn Ryan?

  At that specific moment in time, that operation where they went in to clear out that valley,

• 2:02:51Shawn Ryan?

  do you think

• 2:02:54Shawn Ryan?

  there is any other place

• 2:02:58Shawn Ryan?

  that those men would have wanted to be at, at that specific moment in time, rather than clearing that valley out?

• 2:03:05Speaker 04

  No. No other place.

• 2:03:08Shawn Ryan?

  Me neither.

• 2:03:09Speaker 04

  Than next to their brothers.

• 2:03:12Speaker 04

  Yep, you're not fighting for

• 2:03:16Speaker 04

  a government, you're not fighting for a president, you're not fighting for political or religious beliefs, you're fighting for your brothers left and right.

• 2:03:28Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:29Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 2:03:32Speaker 04

  Simple.

• 2:03:34Speaker 04

  And I saw that day, a man that was going to give his life up, so I had mine.

• 2:03:44Speaker 04

  That's heroism. That's Kyle.

• 2:03:49Shawn Ryan?

  Yes, it is.

• 2:03:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:03:53Shawn Ryan?

  Well, let's take a quick break. When we come back, we'll get into the recovery.

• 2:03:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's gonna be a fun one.

• 2:03:58Shawn Ryan?

  All right.

• 2:04:02Shawn Ryan?

  I want to tell you about this business venture I've been on for about the past seven, eight months, and it's finally come to fruition. I've been hell-bent on finding the cleanest functional mushroom supplement on the planet, and that all kind of stemmed from the psychedelic treatment I did. Came out of it, got a ton of benefits, haven't had a drop of alcohol in almost two years. I'm more in the moment with my family, and that led me down researching the benefits of just everyday functional mushrooms. And I started taking some supplements, I found some coffee replacements, I even repped a brand, and, you know, it got to the point where I just wanted the finest ingredients

• 2:04:46Shawn Ryan?

  available, no matter where they come from. And it got to this point where I was just gonna start my own brand, and so we started going to trade shows and looking for the finest ingredients, and doing that, I ran into this guy, maybe you've heard of him, his name's Laird Hamilton, and his wife Gabby Reese, and they have an entire line of supplements with all the finest ingredients, and we got to talking, turns out, they have the perfect functional mushroom supplement. It's actually called Performance Mushrooms.

• 2:05:27Shawn Ryan?

  And this has everything, it's USDA organic, it's got chaga, cordyceps, lion's mane, miyataki. This stuff is amazing for energy balance, for cognition, look, just being honest, see a lot of people taking care of their bodies, I do not see a lot of people taking care of their brain. This is the product, guys, and so, we got to talking, and our values seemed very aligned, we're both into the functional mushrooms, and after a lot of back and forth, I am now a shareholder in the company.

• 2:06:08Shawn Ryan?

  I have a small amount of ownership and I'm just, look, I'm just really proud to be repping and be a part of the company that's making the best functional mushroom supplement on the planet. You can get this stuff at layered superfoods.com. You can use the promo code SRS, that'll get you 20% off these performance mushrooms, or anything in the store. They got a ton of good stuff. Once again, that's layered superfoods.com. Use the promo code SRS, that gets you 20% off. You guys are gonna love this stuff, I guarantee it.

• 2:06:53Shawn Ryan?

  I want to give a big thank you out right now to all the Vigilance Elite patrons out there that are watching the show right now. Just want to say thank you, guys. You are our top supporters and you're what makes this show actually happen. If you're not on Vigilance Elite Patreon, I want to tell you a little bit about what's going on in there. So, we do a little bit of everything. There's plenty of behind the scenes content from the actual Sean Ryan Show. On top of that, basically what I do is I take a lot of the questions that I get from you guys, or the patrons, and then I turn them into videos. So we get, right now, there's a lot of concern about self-defense,

• 2:07:35Shawn Ryan?

  home defense, crimes on the rise, all throughout the country, actually all throughout the world. And so, we talk about everything from how to prep your home, how to clear your home, how to get familiar with a firearm, both rifle and pistol, for beginners and advanced. We talk about mindset, we talk about defensive driving. We have an end of the month live chat that I'm on, at the end of every month, where we can talk about whatever topics you guys have. It's actually done on Zoom. You might enjoy it, check it out. And if Zoom's not your thing, or you don't like live chats, like I said, there's a library of well over 100 videos

• 2:08:15Shawn Ryan?

  on where to start with prepping, all the firearm stuff, pretty much anything you can think of, it's on there. So anyways, go to www.patreon.com/vigilanceelite, or just go on the link in the description, it'll take you right there.

• 2:08:35Shawn Ryan?

  And if you don't want to, and you just want to continue to watch the show, that's fine too. I appreciate it either way. Love you all. Let's get back to the show. Thank you.

• 2:08:48Shawn Ryan?

  All right, Ryan, we're back from the break and we're going to get into how the recovery went on your leg.

• 2:08:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, the recovery process. I tell you, you learn a lot about yourself during the recovery. So basically going back kind of to the beginning. So I had, you know, I'd made my way to, to Longchamp finally. I think, I think it took about five days to get me out of country, four days because of blood transfusions and stuff.

• 2:09:22Speaker 04

  Got to Longchamp and then my follow on was going to be Brooks Army Medical Center. I found out my buddy, Captain Will Lyles, he had both of his legs blown off. He was at Brooks Army Medical Center and, and so I wanted to be, you know, with friends and my dad and sisters all lived in New Mexico. So it was easy, easier for them than Walter Reed. So, you know, I'm on my way, Brooks Army Medical Center and get there. You know, the, we land over at Lackland Air Force Base ambulance ride to BAMF. And then I get admitted and, you know, they start another, another debridement surgery.

• 2:10:07Speaker 04

  You know, let's, let's figure out what's going on here. Okay. Got a good picture. I don't really know the timeframe, but maybe days later, I, you know, I meet with my doctor. Here's your orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Schu. And then I meet with the staff and everything like that and they're telling me with my leg. So, you know, we have, we have good news. Your, your limb that you have right now, it's, there's a lot of healthy tissue. So basically.

• 2:10:46Speaker 04

  We've got, we've got a few options for you. Um, we're going to get back to you and then we'll kinda, we'll kinda talk about it, but there's a lot of people very interested in your injury. Okay, fair enough. Why? But sure. All right, get back to me. So at this point in time, um, they're really focusing on this thing called limb salvage. Um, instead of hacking limbs off left and right, maybe we can try and, and save these limbs because of the advancements in these different devices, um, that work like a prosthetic limb, but, um, you don't need to have an amputation. So with my injury, um, the blast had gone up through my foot, so it blew my foot in half,

• 2:11:31Speaker 04

  and then it exited out at my calf, but it was pretty clean cut. Um, and so what my doctor was telling me is the reason why they amputate a lot of limbs is for tissue damage, not necessarily bone. He was saying, I can fix any bone. It's tissue is what usually causes the, um, the amputation or the need for amputation or bone infection. So, you know, I'd, um, had multiple visitors that had came by, um, and, you know, they're talking about my leg and, and so now, now, uh, here's the big meeting. So my, my doctor, Dr. Shu comes in and he said, hey, so we, uh, we kinda wanna do

• 2:12:15Speaker 04

  a, um, uh, experimental exploratory surgery on you. Um, limb salvage, it would basically be reattaching your leg. Um, it's, it's not a good chance it'll work, uh, but the research that goes into it is gonna help a lot of people. And if it does work, then that's gonna advance limb salvage, um, research, technology and everything for the guys that are inevitably gonna be going through injuries like, you know, like you had. Um, your, your leg is one of, you know, is, is a leg that definitely should be amputated.

• 2:12:56Speaker 04

  But we think there's a chance that we can save it. It's like, well, what's the chance? 10 to 15%. It's like, okay, well, I'm not going anywhere. And Dr. Shu, um, great friend of mine to this day, loved the dude to death. But he was, he said, once we completely remove that limb, that's it. So we can do that and you'll be back up on your feet again, probably a lot less pain than you're gonna go through. If we do this other, um, procedure and you'll probably be back to your unit a lot quicker than if we do this other procedure. But this other procedure can help a lot of people with what we're gonna learn from your limb.

• 2:13:43Speaker 04

  Okay, let's do it. I mean, once the legs got, what's the worst that can happen? We just, we, we finish removing it the rest of the way anyways? Okay. Well, hold on. Where is, so this is how many days after blast?

• 2:13:59Speaker 04

  This is in the twenties, September, early October. So we're a month, we're a month away, roughly. Where is the bottom half of your leg? It's being held on with rods and everything else. Yeah. What do you, like, it was just hanging there by a thread, right? Yeah, when I got hit, when Kyle got to me, um, my leg was only hanging there by the, by the skin. Like you could have cut through the skin and then grabbed Ryan Hendrickson in the leg and walked out. So the blood is flowing back through your?

• 2:14:35Speaker 04

  I have different compartments in there, but what, what ended up happening, and I don't know the full story behind it. Um, Dr. Shu would be, he would be able to fill it all in, but.

• 2:14:51Speaker 04

  Basically, to keep my limb and everything contained with all the wound vax and everything like that, just to get me back to the States. And then they can do the surgeries from there, the amputation and then move from there. I had so much damage that they couldn't actually do a skin flap for the full amputation without moving above the knee. And so now it's like, okay, let's, we either need to heal skin up before doing the amputation or limb salvage. And again, this is the best of my knowledge. I, I, I'm probably, I'm probably off on, you know, a quite, or quite a bit of the finer

• 2:15:36Speaker 04

  details, but the damage to the leg, there wasn't actually enough healthy skin to do the flap without moving up higher. Don't need to have an above the knee amputation. So let's pump the brakes real quick and see what we can, what we can do here, which turned into the limb salvage process. So when I, I signed, I signed that I would do, you know, this surgery. And, um, so, you know, I, I don't remember what surgery it was. I had 27 surgeries on my right leg. But one of the surgeries, I came out and I had this entire birdcage wrapped around my

• 2:16:19Speaker 04

  right leg with rods going through all five of my toes, rods going through the backs of my heels and rods drilled into every single one of my bones. And it's, it's called an X-fix. But it, it looked like, it looked like something off a Saw movie, like a torture device. Just like, what is this? And it's huge. Um, but it was aligning all my bones up again. So basically what the name of the game was after that, and when I actually was ready for rehab, or I'm sorry, physical therapy, was they lined up the fib because they said,

• 2:17:03Speaker 04

  ah, you don't, you don't really use your fib. We don't need to worry about lining them both up. The fib can just float there. But they lined up the tibula and now you're looking at, you know, an inch, maybe two inch gap of bone that you have to grow back.

• 2:17:19Speaker 04

  And to close in all the wounds, now you have skin grafts. So my whole right leg and the bottom of my foot is skin grafts from my thighs. So now you got infection. You have skin grafts taking. You have bone growing back two inches. And a bunch of other, you know, um, obstacles you have to get through to get to the point to where something happens with your leg. But we don't know because we haven't had a limb that bad be salvaged before. So we're gonna learn. And um,

• 2:18:03Speaker 04

  through, you know, when I was released for physical therapy. I mean, I went, I went at it hard from running the track, well, not running, gimping my way to the trashcans, puking everywhere, falling down rods, you know, a rod that's going into the bone, getting smacked off of something and sending the, oh, man, it was. How, hold on, how long was the, how long did it take you just to be able to walk again? Okay, yeah, that's a good point. Let me back up some. I just, I just, I just outran my headlights big time. So take a pause right there and then, so as I'm, as I'm in the hospital, um, I was, there's, there's a couple of situations that happened.

• 2:18:49Speaker 04

  Um, the fir-, the, the first one was I was very, I was not a very patient, um,

• 2:18:58Speaker 04

  patient, I guess you could say, I wanted results right then and there and I wanted, and I wanted to know what my future was. And during this time, from when I actually made it to Brooks Army Medical Center, to when I actually started physical therapy, I went through a very, very emotional and mental health crisis with myself. From.

• 2:19:29Speaker 04

  You know, survivor's guilt, like we talked, to who am I now, to now I have to actually face, I have time to lay here and think about the mess that I've made of my life. So, um, a little bit ago, we had talked about, you know, my divorce that led me to special forces and, and the trail of destruction I had led throughout my life, always being the victim, always it's not my fault because of this, this or this. And then in SF, um, I was able to push all that deep down inside because the mission

• 2:20:09Speaker 04

  and we're training and, you know, everything, I never had to face it again until I'm laying in bed in Brooks Army Medical Center and nothing but time to think. And so now, now I'm, I'm, I'm actually, I'm going through a very, very difficult struggle mentally from, from, you know, what is, who am I, what is my purpose? You know, to, to, that should have been me all the way down, you know, things like that. Pointless, pointless things to think about, but that's where my mind was at.

• 2:20:52Speaker 04

  And I was struggling and I wanted to give up. I just wanted to give up, but, um, my dad, he was my caretaker. And I remember there was a point in a lot of my self-loathing that he finally said, all right, I've, I've had enough, we need to have a talk. And the talk went kind of something like this. He said, what happened to you was bad. No one's going to argue that. It was bad. He said, "It's not the worst injury in the world, and it won't be the last injury in the world." He said, "I got it, but you have a choice to make right now."

• 2:21:37Speaker 04

  "And we gotta have this talk because you're heading in a direction that I don't think you're gonna be able to pull yourself out of." "So you have a choice to make right now." "He said, "You can continue to let yourself be the victim." "You can continue to let this injury own you, change you, make you this injury." "You will always be victimized by this injury. You will never leave September 12th, 2010." "You will always be there for the rest of your life." "And let me tell you what's gonna happen." "First of all, you're gonna try and make people understand what you went through." "And when they can't, you're gonna get angry, and you're gonna push people away from you." "And people are gonna try and rush in because they love you."

• 2:22:23Speaker 04

  "And then you're gonna get more and more angry and secluded and push everyone away from you" "until there's no one left to push away from you." "Then, you're going to be further victimized because no one's there to help you."

• 2:22:38Speaker 04

  "And that's when people make really bad decisions." "Is when nobody, when they feel that no one cares and no one's there to help, so what's the point?" "And he said, "I don't think, I don't think you'll make it back from that." "Or, you can use this injury to make yourself a better man." "You can use this injury to make yourself stronger, better." "Renew your relationship with God." "Remember all that stuff that you told me about laying next to the Helmand River, how you wish you didn't do this and that and this?" "You got the reset button." "You have something that most men will never get in life, a chance to start over." "You died, you're back, you can start over again." "You got the reset button."

• 2:23:21Speaker 04

  "You've been handed an opportunity, although you're in such pain right now and darkness, you can't see it." "You've been handed one of the greatest opportunities ever, a chance to redo."

• 2:23:33Speaker 04

  And you can make yourself bigger, better, stronger, not only for you, but to help other people. Use this injury to make yourself a better man to help other people. And he said, you're gonna, you're, you're gonna, you're gonna feel fulfillment like you've never seen before in your life.

• 2:23:52Speaker 04

  But he said, the choice is up to you.

• 2:23:55Speaker 04

  And if you continue down the path you're on right now, you will kill yourself, son.

• 2:24:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. So that was one of the talks that, you know, I had had with my dad. That really started to, well, okay, how? How, how do I make myself stronger from this? And then doors started opening up. Once I started to look at this as an opportunity to help other people. An opportunity to, well, yeah, maybe if this does work for me, maybe it will help somebody else that I'll never even meet again. Or before. Um, maybe this will do something that, you know, I have no idea. But if I don't try, I'll never know. And if I never know, it's because I didn't try and that's your fault.

• 2:24:46Speaker 04

  And so I started to really aggressively, you know, try to.

• 2:24:54Speaker 04

  Again, it wasn't that conversation. People need to understand, it wasn't that conversation and I'm a new man. It's not a movie. I'm always falling flat on my face. To this day, I fall flat on my face. And, and I'm picking myself up just to get hit again. That's, that's life. So it's not like this was the revelation and then the sun was shining and the seas were calm and, and life was great then and there, you know, no. It's then life got hard because now instead of taking the easy way, it's easy to be a victim. That's why we have so many of them in our country. Yeah. The victim role is easy. The entitled victim role, it's simple. Why do I know it? Because I was.

• 2:25:37Speaker 04

  That was me. Whether it was the sexual abuse, whether it was, um, I can't do this because of this. Or getting blown up or all this. I made myself the entitled victim. I did. I was really good at it. But manning up.

• 2:25:53Speaker 04

  Changing from a boy to a man, that's hard. That's extremely hard work. And, and so that's when the hard work began is now I wanted to, you know, how can I use this to help me? How can I take the old man's advice and like, what do I do? How do I do it? And then because I was trying, things started opening up for me. And next thing you know, I'm in, I'm in, I'm doing, um, physical therapy, you know, I've been approved for physical therapy and, and bone is growing and the skin grafts are taken first time.

• 2:26:32Speaker 04

  And thi- things are happening for me that I'm just like, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. And, you know, in the back of my mind, you know, people say, well, what gave you the drive? Was it just to help other people? No, there's two other things too. Number one, my sergeant major came in and said, I'll send you back to war if you can get fit. And number two, Taliban were laughing at me on the radio. And they bloodied me up, but they didn't beat me. So those were the two big drive, um, the driving forces behind, you know, the motivation for me

• 2:27:17Speaker 04

  to get better. And I was told by everyone, except for Dr. Shu and my physical therapist, Johnny, everyone told me, management expectation, you are done. Your military career is over. You will be medically retired and this is, this is it. You need to understand that because you're setting yourself up for failure. You are done. Start to figure out what you're going to do now after you recover from this and move on from the military. Yeah. Except for two people, Dr. Shu and Johnny. Yeah, man, you want to go back?

• 2:28:01Speaker 04

  Let's make it happen. Yeah. So. Now, I do understand the management expectation part, though. I really do. Um, you can, you can set yourself up for failure quickly. When you believe so deeply into something that's just not gonna happen.

• 2:28:22Shawn Ryan?

  You know, it's, um.

• 2:28:26Shawn Ryan?

  The power of thought.

• 2:28:28Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:28:29Shawn Ryan?

  As well. I don't, I don't know if you look into any of that stuff, but the power of thought.

• 2:28:35Shawn Ryan?

  Is extremely powerful.

• 2:28:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:28:38Shawn Ryan?

  And they're proving it with science as well. And, um, and that's what you've got. You've got the power of a thought and, and, and everybody has the power of. Everybody has it.

• 2:28:50Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:28:50Shawn Ryan?

  It's just, most people won't access it.

• 2:28:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:28:53Shawn Ryan?

  You know, they will take the victim road and, and I mean, little unrelated. I don't wanna lose place in the story, but I just wanna bring something up with the power of thought. I've been. I've been watching this guy. His name's Greg Braden on YouTube. And he is a, I don't know what you would call him, maybe a quantum physics guy, but. He talks about this study that they did.

• 2:29:18Shawn Ryan?

  With photons. Have you, do you know anything about this?

• 2:29:22Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 2:29:23Shawn Ryan?

  So they put all these photons in a vacuum.

• 2:29:25Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:29:26Shawn Ryan?

  And they wanted to see what the photons do.

• 2:29:30Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:29:31Shawn Ryan?

  When, when people are watching them. And so they put these photons in a vacuum and they were, they record what they're doing, however you record photons. They record what they're doing when nobody's in the room.

• 2:29:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:29:46Shawn Ryan?

  And they act a certain way. Then they put somebody in the room watching the photons. And they react completely different.

• 2:29:54Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:29:56Shawn Ryan?

  Then. They try to trick the photons and they have a human watch the photons through a camera.

• 2:30:06Shawn Ryan?

  And they have somebody watch the photons and they have the camera record it without anybody watching and they still react completely different. So that just shows you that human consciousness and thought just being around

• 2:30:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:30:19Shawn Ryan?

  Things, it changes what is.

• 2:30:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:30:25Shawn Ryan?

  And that's proof that that's proof of how powerful thought and consciousness actually is.

• 2:30:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:30:34Shawn Ryan?

  So to actually apply it to your own leg.

• 2:30:37Speaker 04

  Without even knowing that that's what I was actually doing.

• 2:30:39Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, man. It's a real, it is a real, people think that this stuff is bullshit.

• 2:30:45Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:30:45Shawn Ryan?

  And, and science and technology is getting so good now that it's proving how powerful thought, prayer, consciousness, whatever you want to call it,

• 2:30:59Shawn Ryan?

  how powerful it actually is.

• 2:31:00Speaker 04

  Belief.

• 2:31:01Shawn Ryan?

  Belief.

• 2:31:02Speaker 04

  Belief is one of the most powerful things in the world. If you give somebody hope,

• 2:31:12Speaker 04

  eh, it's, it's extremely powerful.

• 2:31:15Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:31:16Speaker 04

  Hope is very powerful and contagious.

• 2:31:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:31:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, it is, it is crazy going from the percentage chance that I was getting to now bones are growing, skin grafts are healing first time. Um, and you know, I'm, I'm going from the hospital bed to where, yeah, I used to sneak out in my wheelchair all the time just because I got bored and nurses, nurses just hated it. And, um, I remember another instance, you know, I was like, I want to walk dad. And he's like, ah, you kind of just had your leg reattached. Maybe not a good idea. It's like, well, I'm walking. He goes, well, we're in a hospital. So guess if you get hurt, we're here already. So not a big deal.

• 2:32:08Speaker 04

  It's like, okay. And I, I got up and it'd been months since, you know, what, two months since I'd been, you know, on my legs or leg and then kind of dragging this guy around and oh man, I got up, man, I feel good, dorphins. And I'm like, I'm going to make it to that window right over there. You know, moving over there with my walker and the windows getting smaller, smaller, smaller. Boom, hit the ground, passed out and nurses like mad like, what do you guys do? I can't, we're gonna have to handcuff you to the, you know, these all kinds of stuff. Just like dad's like, well, the boy wanted to watch Mr. Hendrickson. He just had, it's like, I know, but he's stubborn.

• 2:32:51Speaker 04

  He's like, ah, kind of thing. But now, um, I remember when I was starting, you know, starting physical therapy. And the physical therapist I had, his name is Johnny Owens and the dude is a legend.

• 2:33:10Speaker 04

  You know, so I had this legendary orthopedic surgeon. I had this legendary physical therapist. And then there's a prosthesis guy named Ryan Blannick and he's a legendary prosthesis guy. So all these guys, you know, again, going back to that, when you take, can, you know, people will say, well, how do you know God's real? Because look at, he took, you know, once I decided to start to take control over my life slowly, but start to take control over my life and start to use, you know, these experiences and these situations to, to better myself, to help other people, things started to line up for me.

• 2:33:55Speaker 04

  It's, and you know, it took me years to look back on it and it's like, how is that possible?

• 2:34:02Speaker 04

  Cause it's in God's hands. And so I'm, you know, I'm, I'm getting, you know, my bones are growing back quickly. My skin graft is, you know, it's, they're like, wow, there is zero complications with your skin graft. This is unheard of. And next thing I know, I'm getting this entire birdcage removed off my leg. I was supposed to have it on for two years and I'm getting it removed off my leg. And I think it was eight months. Wow. Yeah, I had grown back two inches of bone, tibula. Um, and connected the upper part of my leg with the lower part of my leg. I'm sorry, upper part, lower part of my leg.

• 2:34:43Speaker 04

  And you know, my foot, it had naturally fused together.

• 2:34:48Shawn Ryan?

  So the bones and everything is just growing back together just naturally?

• 2:34:52Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 2:34:53Shawn Ryan?

  Amazing.

• 2:34:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, what, how they say you grow bone is through resistance and friction. You have to pound the crap out of yourself. And so with me, the constant drills and the weightlifting and, and the pain that I went through, you know, those, those, you know, the ladder drills that Johnny would have me doing and stuff like that. Ryan, keep pushing. Ryan, straighten your back out. Ryan, one more, one more, one more. Ryan, keep going, keep going, keep going. You know, and just throwing up and like, all right, you good? You got it out? All right, let's go again. You know, I grew bone back.

• 2:35:30Speaker 04

  Crazy. I mean, just fast, you know, Wolverine fast. And, you know, my foot and everything like that. And it's like, oh, the, okay, we're, we have something here. Now I'm getting the IDEO device, which gives me, you know, basically a blade, a running blade. And um, now I'm looking at, oh, wow. Um, okay, I've, I've been medically retired. I fought to stay on active duty through the continue on active duty waiver. So a co-ed waiver, which um, they were given the special operations guys because of the amount of money they spent on you for training. So, you know, I was medically retired.

• 2:36:14Speaker 04

  Um, I came back on to active duty through the waiver. And, you know, it's, you know, I had a dead man's profile. I can't stand longer than 30 minutes. Um, no carrying anything over, you know, 30 pounds. The list goes on. Tennis shoes and all this other stuff. I was like, I am not wearing a uniform and tennis shoes.

• 2:36:34Speaker 04

  But um, so, you know, I'm back on active duty again. I'm still rehabbing. Things are going great. Um, final checkup and it's like.

• 2:36:47Speaker 04

  You're good, man. We can send you back to the physical therapist at your unit, the Thor program. Um, you're good here. It's like, what? I was basically fighting for my life. September of 2010 and now November 2011, I'm going back to seventh group.

• 2:37:10Shawn Ryan?

  Holy shit.

• 2:37:11Speaker 04

  It's like, yeah, you'll, I still have to clear the re- return or the, um, the return to war program they have there or the return to fit to fighter. You know, the Thor three program. So amazing program, by the way. Hands down amazing. One of the greatest things that special operations has done for their guys, the Thor three program. But I still have to clear all of those hurdles and be fit to go back to a team. But I'm, I'm packing up vehicles and I'm driving from San Antonio, Texas. Back to Crestview, Florida. After. I mean, I don't like the word, I don't like to use the term, I should have been dead because you're not dead.

• 2:37:55Speaker 04

  So then you shouldn't have been dead because you're not, you're here. I should have been is a way of kind of victimizing yourself to something. But after a very catastrophic injury. Um, that could have killed me. Now I'm dri- I'm on I-10 heading back to Crestview. And I'm going to be checking into my unit and checking into Thor three program.

• 2:38:20Speaker 04

  And seeing what happens from there. And. I was just, it was, it was the power of hope, belief, having people backing you up, that tribe mentality. You know, I mean, we all, especially special operators, we, we, we've, we've thrive off of the tribe mentality. We do. Um, and, and having hope and, and taking back my life. And, and refusing to become a victim. Of my circumstances. Refusing to, to let that victimization take my life over. It almost did. Very close.

• 2:39:06Speaker 04

  But now I'm starting to take my life back. And now it's all sunshines and rainbows. Except for life has something to say about that. So. I'm heading back. Life is great. Check in to Thor three. Finish up a grueling, grueling, two month long process with them. Very hard. And now I'm cleared to go back to an O D A. Wow. When I was told my profile says I'm non-deployable. I have a dead man's profile and all this other stuff. But Seventh Group was able to take, to override.

• 2:39:50Speaker 04

  That um, the warrior transition um. Their way or their profiles on me. Seventh Group could basically take the responsibility, say, no, no, he's, he's good. In our eyes. So I had worked kinda. I kinda worked some, not, not backdoor deals, but I came in at the right possible time. My company had already left for Afghanistan. And um, the same company I was with when I got blown up. And no one really knows. Me back at Seventh Group. Their skeleton crew, you know, rear, rear D is back there. But no one really knows me. And so, because I was new before then. Yeah.

• 2:40:34Speaker 04

  And there was a lot of guys getting injured and killed in two thousand and ten. So, okay, who are you? So I never really brought up the injury. I just, hey, I got hurt. Um, I was cleared through the Thor three, here you go, here's this. All right, the group surgeon signs off on it, I'm deployable. I'm heading back to Afghanistan. Sergeant Major said if I could get cleared, he'd send me back to war. So I, I'm just gonna help him out and head back before.

• 2:41:03Speaker 04

  So, so I, you know, so my, my date for return to Afghanistan is March and, you know, fly back in and show up and I'm expecting, you know, ticker tape parade and everyone 20, you know, everyone's lined up to, you know, wow, you, you, you did it. You're, you're the greatest thing ever. No, I got there and I got the, what the are you doing here? What? No, I'm clear to deploy. I'm sorry, what? And so the company sergeant major was very upset that I had returned. But the battalion sergeant major who made

• 2:41:46Speaker 04

  this promise to me was like, well, I did make a promise. So they're trying to figure out, well, what do we do with this guy that shouldn't even have a leg right now? Like, what, what do we even do with them? So this is, um, this is March 2012. And, um,

• 2:42:06Speaker 04

  there, you know, there, the regiment had taken quite a few, um, wounded and killed so far. And they were undermanned on ODAs all over Afghanistan. And, um, sergeant major said, hey, um, I told you I'd send you back to war. I'm a man of my word, but I hope you're ready for this because where I'm sending you is probably one of the worst places in Afghanistan, but they need you. I said, okay. So you're going to Panjueh District, Kandahar Province, 2012, right before the massacre. It's like, okay, it sounds cool. And he goes,

• 2:42:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know that old saying, careful what you wish for? He's like, be careful, Ryan. It's a bad area. And anybody who's been Afghanistan knows about Panjoway. It's a bad area. So, um, yeah, that was my, uh,

• 2:43:10Speaker 04

  that was my return trip from, um, from, you know, everything I'd went through up to that point, whether it was all the surgeries, the, um, rehabilitation, the physical therapy. Now I'm in Panjoway District, Kandahar Province. Before, uh, Bales committed that mass, that massacre, killing all those civilians.

• 2:43:33Shawn Ryan?

  Holy shit.

• 2:43:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:43:35Shawn Ryan?

  So there's no easing into this.

• 2:43:36Speaker 04

  No. And then probably two weeks later, he did that. Villager said, turn him over to us. Said, no, said, okay.

• 2:43:47Speaker 04

  Good luck. And I, I, there were so many, so many kids lost their legs that year in Panjoway. Infantry guys that were with us, they were taking casualties daily.

• 2:44:03Speaker 04

  Daily. The O D A up from us in Bell, uh, Bellinby, they were taking casualties. Yeah, we got tore up in Panjoway. It's a nasty place. But that was, you know, I had made it back.

• 2:44:17Shawn Ryan?

  What was your mission there?

• 2:44:18Speaker 04

  Um, I was still in eighteen Charlie, so I was doing route, not route clearance is a bigger package. I was doing clearance for, you know, um, for the assaulters or, or whoever. Um, so it was back to having a metal detector with my Afghans and then we're clearing up, up in front of everybody as we're moving towards whatever objective we're going to. So it's back to I A Ds again.

• 2:44:45Shawn Ryan?

  Damn, man.

• 2:44:46Speaker 04

  That first one I found, I thought I was gonna pass out on it. I was uncovering it. It's like, yep, there's the yellow tape. You know, the yellow tape over the pressure plates. Trace the wire around. It's like, there's the wire. Getting a little woozy here. And then, uh, the Afghan that was with me said, Ryan, we just blow it. It's okay. Said, all right, we'll just blow it up, man. But, um, but that trip, I, yeah, I removed a lot of I A Ds that trip. Panjoway was nasty.

• 2:45:19Speaker 04

  Nasty place, but I'd made it back. And um, I keep going back to this as we're talking, you know, well, I made it back now. Now it's sunshine and rainbows or life is great. You just did it. And then life, life does what it does, you know, just beat you down again. And again, because even though, and I'll, you know, as we've, as we continue on, you'll start to see kinda where my life has come from there. But even though um, I'd, I'd made, I'd made the choice. I didn't want to be a victim.

• 2:46:01Speaker 04

  I made the choice that I wanted to take control over my life and, and do, you know, use my experiences to make myself stronger to help other people. I didn't quite have as good of a grasp on that as I do now. But I knew something bigger was working in my life. What exactly it was? I don't know, but there was something bigger. There was a purpose. I just didn't know what it was. And um, but I still had those old demons. The, the things that were still haunting me from either my childhood or, or the, you know, the, the way that I had made myself a victim for so many years.

• 2:46:42Speaker 04

  And then it's real easy, you know, just to say, God, why is this happening? Oh, it's happening because I did went through this and this happened to me. And so it's easy to go down that victim role. It's so easy. Then you're trying to steer and you're, you know, you're just going all around the path. Um, but you know, two thousand and twelve was a great confidence boost for me. As far as getting back into it, getting back, you know, there was, there was one mission we went on. Um, that we had to, we called it Hilltop two thousand. And it was two thousand uh, meters in elevation gain in about a click. So you're going pretty much straight up.

• 2:47:24Speaker 04

  And um, you know, not only did my leg hold out, but I was helping guys carry their gear to the top. You know, so there was situations like that, that were big confidence boosters for me. That a lot of people that are listening may be like, yeah, man. So you got your shit straight. You're back on track. But I was still not actually.

• 2:47:48Speaker 04

  Dealing with my demons that I had. I was just using, you know, one victory or one situation or buried myself into whatever in order to avoid actually having to deal with who Ryan Hendrickson is. What is Ryan Henderson? What is, what are you supposed to be doing? And so the, you know, the 2012 trip finishes up. Um, we do, you know, multiple trips to South and Central America. And then there's a volunteer position that opened up with another company that was going Afghanistan. They said, Hey, we need an 18 Charlie.

• 2:48:29Speaker 04

  It's like, yeah, I'd love to go back to Afghanistan 2016. And, you know, so we do the, we do the normal workup for it and everything like that. And, um, we deploy and our first mission comes down. We're supposed to do a village clearance in Boglin Province. It's like, okay. Um, so, you know, we get everything ready to go and this is weeks, you know, packing up everything. Okay, now it's time load the birds, get everything. All right, now we're flying actually to, um, where we're going to meet our partner force. Um, and it was, it was NDS and Commandos. So now, okay, now met up with our partner force.

• 2:49:12Speaker 04

  They brought us up to, you know, they called it OP Burns. It was this, um, this hilltop that overlooked the valley. And we're just sitting there watching this intense firefight in the valley unfold between Afghans and the Taliban. And it's like, wow, that's a hotbed. They're like, yeah, this, um, every time we go down there, we get just destroyed. Um, so what the plan was, was the ODA was going to infill in.

• 2:49:42Speaker 04

  Uh, under the cover of darkness, but in Afghan Humvees and stuff like that. And so the Taliban would think, oh, this is just normal Afghans again. Let's chew them up and then we'd bring in, you know, all of our air power and just destroy them. Great plan. Um, so go through everything. Now it's kickoff. Okay, we're heading out. It's, you know, it's, I don't know, 11 o'clock at night. Um, we're driving, um, nods. So driving down these roads till we get to our dismount. So now we're dismounted, moving, moving forward to the first objective. But before that first objective, we have to clear through, um, this orchard.

• 2:50:26Speaker 04

  And orchards, as you well know, are nasty. Nasty areas. So it's myself and I have four Afghan National Mine Reduction Group guys with me. And we had trained together. One of the guys, his name was Abe, and I've known him for multiple deployments. He'd saved countless amount of American lives. Um, and then Bez Mula is another guy that I've known for a while. And so I have these two guys on my team, um, plus Jaued and Khan. And we're moving forward and it's like, okay, we've got to the orchard. Um, the, the assaulters, they're going to set up security and we're going to move into the orchard and start to clear.

• 2:51:09Speaker 04

  The path to objective, to the first objective. Okay, done this hundreds of times. All right, let's go. So we start pushing into the orchard and all of a sudden I see this flash of light and hear this loud pop. So everyone hits the ground. It's like, what, what was that? Is it, was it, you know, a sniper? I mean, what's going on? It's, it's one o'clock in the morning at the time. So, you know, myself and Jaweed, Jaweed was in the front and he's trying to pull this tripwire off him. And he had just hit a tripwire IED that was a grape shot charge in the wall that

• 2:51:48Speaker 04

  was right next to us and it didn't go off. The, the blasting cap popped, but it didn't initiate, it didn't initiate the explosives to then send out the bolts, nuts, nails, rocks, and everything else that was coming our way. And so, you know, when we investigated a little bit, we found that there was a chunk of mortar shrapnel that had basically disarmed the grape shot charge in the wall. Are you serious? Yeah. And so, you know, okay, get the blood pressure down a little bit. All right,

• 2:52:25Speaker 04

  we're good. Keep moving forward. And it probably 15 more steps. And I see there's, we're at a turn in the trail and I see this object dart from one end of the compound to the other.

• 2:52:41Speaker 04

  And then Abe, he goes, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. And then this PKM opened up. And we hit the grounds. And when the PKM opened up, it felt like you could reach out and grab the flame that was coming out of the barrel. It felt that close. And so we're pinned down in the front, we're returning fire the best that we can. This guy, this guy keeps jumping out. And, well, first of all, I had my IR strobe on because I was the lead, the, the flot. So I had my IR strobe on and the, over ICOM chatter, the Taliban are talking about, hey,

• 2:53:22Speaker 04

  that's the American, capture or kill the American. We have them cut off because they had us in an L shape. So the assaulters were cut off from us in the orchard. So they can see me. So I was like, oh shit, they got nods. So, you know, I took off the IR strobe and I, I threw it as close to that, where that PKM was at in the, in the mud hut wall. I threw it as close to that, that as I could get. Um, and then I'm laying there and rounds are hit, rounds are hitting everywhere. It feels like hot bacon grease just all over your skin. And I keep, you know, sending a few rounds downrange and I'm laying on my side and then I roll back over and lay on my side.

• 2:54:06Speaker 04

  But, um, the, this guy, he would jump out and just, oh, Akbar and let an RPG fly. But he didn't have nods. So he didn't know where, he couldn't quite see where we're at. So it's hitting around the trees and stuff like that. And he shot off three RPGs, but every time the PKM gunner would stop. And so I saw him this last time and I remember, you remember the thumb triggers for your laser?

• 2:54:31Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:54:32Speaker 04

  I remember I hit my laser when he jumped out again and his midsection was right in the middle of my laser.

• 2:54:38Shawn Ryan?

  No kidding.

• 2:54:39Speaker 04

  And yeah, I would like to say, you know, yeah, it's super cool guy to the chest, one in the head. No. No, no, I put like thirty from the kneecaps all the way up to the forehead. Yeah, it's, I wanted, I wish I, you know, I wish I could.

• 2:54:53Shawn Ryan?

  PKM guy?

• 2:54:54Speaker 04

  No, that was the RPG guy.

• 2:54:56Shawn Ryan?

  Okay.

• 2:54:56Speaker 04

  I wish I could make it sound cool, but I was scared. My journal was through the roof and I, I dumped the mag on him.

• 2:55:03Shawn Ryan?

  Sounds cool to me.

• 2:55:05Speaker 04

  But then the PKM starts back up and, um, and we're getting reports that, you know, these guys are trying to cut us off in the orchard. And our JTAC, our combat controller, he was, he was on the radio and he's like, hey, we have to drop. And they said, we can't, it's danger close. And so when they actually took my position to where the PKM was at, it was 22 meters. And he's, and so they needed a, I think it was a three star approval. And this is one o'clock in the morning. So we're pinned down in this position for like five minutes. That's a long time. And, and just fighting for our lives.

• 2:55:46Speaker 04

  And, um, and finally the approval is it, they're approved to drop. And so the JTAC comes over the radio and he's like, Ryan, this is, this is going to be big, man. Keep your head down.

• 2:56:01Speaker 04

  Good luck. It's like, good luck. Why would you say good luck? That's horrible. But I'll never forget the um, he's like, keep your head down, man. Keep your head down. Good luck. I'll let you know. And it's, you know, it's, it's hard to hear him over everything. But finally I hear the aircraft overhead and he's like, weapons released, man. Good luck, brother. Boom.

• 2:56:24Speaker 04

  And I felt, I felt like my skeleton had walked out of my body. And kind of like turned around at me and like slapped me. And then came back into my body again. I felt like Jell-O. That blast, I mean, I remember when it hit, I looked up. So I was in, I was in a deflated on like a motorbike road. Wider than a trail, but still um, enough for a motorbike. And there was about, there was about six inches of deflated on each side. So I was low.

• 2:57:02Speaker 04

  And I remember when it all passed over me and the mud hut walls are dropping around, not walls, but parts of it, you know, chunks that would probably hurt really bad. Tree limbs and everything just falling down all around me and nothing touched me or my guys. We got a little dust and, and you know, stuff like that. But it was like, there was this halo over us because I looked up and it was like, that's like a 50 pound chunk of wall right there. Holy shit. And so I remember getting up and we're, we're staggering back. We're trying to run back. Um, the assaulters have now, you know, they've, they were able to, the Taliban that were trying to flank, they're all dead. And so now it's like, okay, we're trying to stagger our way back because they're going to hit it again.

• 2:57:45Speaker 04

  Um, and yeah, this time they hit it. We were 85 meters away. And I remember my, my head was just pounding and um, I looked over at the JTAC and and he's like, you're, you know, you're alive. I can't believe you're alive, dude. I thought you're, you know, and all that other stuff. I was like, man, how big was that? 250 pounds? You know, he goes, that's a 500 pound JDAM we just dropped on you, dude. Holy shit. Yeah. So. Holy shit. Yeah. 22 meters away. Yep. Yeah, and that was in the very beginning. And so, you know, I started to get my, my wits about me.

• 2:58:25Speaker 04

  Okay, now send in the Afghan, the commandos, the assaulters, and they're clearing the compound. We're coming in after them. And I'm just like, I'm trying to shake it off. Okay, all right, let's, let's do this. And we're seeing, you know, you got Taliban are dead throughout the compound and stuff like that. It's like, okay. Um, here's compound, you know, whatever number it was now, sun, sun's up now. Well, it's, it's coming up, you know, it's, it's probably like 5 a.m. And now it's time to start moving through the rest of the village. So, you know, the team started and said, hey, man, do you, you need to get medevac? You good? It's like, I'm good.

• 2:59:03Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, good to go. Let's, let's keep moving on. Adrenaline's still pumping and stuff like that, but I didn't want to leave my friends. You know, it wasn't a heroic thing, or this like, I'm a tough guy. It's, I didn't want to leave my friends. You know, why, if I can still walk and still do the job, then I don't want to leave my buddies. And so, we continue on through, uh, through this village. And, um, you know, I think, I, I think I blew up myself, uh, 20 some IEDs and, uh, my Afghan, or the Afghan counterparts. Uh, they blew up over 50 in this village alone. Like, this village was completely rigged from 107 rockets that are,

• 2:59:46Speaker 04

  you hit a pressure plate over here, it launches a 107 rocket from down there. It just, this was a nightmare. Trenches, bunker system, everything. And so we found out that this was a big suicide bombing, um, staging point for suicide bombers to go into, uh, Kabul.

• 3:00:07Speaker 04

  So we finally, we get to LOA, LOA. All right, now we're gonna start our withdraw process. Um, you know, yeah, I had a, you know, we had some pop shots here and there, but nothing substantial. So, you know, the team sergeant, or yeah, the team sergeant and the team leader are talking to the commandos, um, their sergeant major and, um, team leader. Saying, hey, guys, we just took this village. We need to hold it. Like, we need to leave guys here. And they're like, we're not staying here. It's dangerous. You guys stay here. Well, no, we're, we're not staying here either. The mission was we clear it and then you guys hold the ground. They're like, we'll die if we hold the ground. We're leaving too.

• 3:00:47Speaker 04

  It's like, well, all right. Well, amongst this entire argument, the team sergeant, uh, the, um, the first sergeant, the commandos first sergeant came up. And he said, and through a tur- uh, um, interpreter, he said, hey, um, we got guys moving this way now. It's like, well, how many guys? I, I don't know. They keep popping in and out of, um, grape bros and tunnels. It's like, uh-oh. And it wasn't much after that to where the entire road we were on, it just erupted in dust getting kicked up everywhere from the rounds that were coming in. And then RPG whizzing by.

• 3:01:28Speaker 04

  And the amount of firepower that was put down, um, in that area we were at. It was just, it was deafening. And so now we're jumping into ditches and we're getting prepared, you know, we're trying to figure out number one, what's going on and where are they hitting us from? Okay, we're getting hit from the front. Okay, now we're getting hit from the left. Okay, now we're getting hit from the right. So we're in a U shape. And they're not shooting each other because they're behind, um, cover.

• 3:02:01Speaker 04

  And so we're getting hit from three different sides. And you know, right, right off the bat, you know, I can see two Afghans laying in the road. Um, they're dead. And then, uh, we can't get to them. It's just there, there's a lot of fire coming down on us. But now we have three wounded Afghans. Okay. And then I have three other Afghans over here. Okay. Guys wounded over there. Okay. Okay. We need to get to our trench line because we can actually crawl this trench back. And it's full of water, which means that there probably won't be IEDs in it. So let's stay in the water. Um, then let's move back to find other Americans. It's me and it's Frankie right now. We're the only two Americans in our position. Like this is not good.

• 3:02:44Speaker 04

  And then we hear the dreaded noise. The release of a mortar round. And then boom, mortar round hits far. Second mortar round hits far. Third mortar round hits near. So what happens after that? They're about ready to split the difference. Yep. And so it's time to move. So run across the road, grab the one Afghan by the hair, yank him out of the ditch. Cause it's like, come on, come on, they won't move. Yank him out of the ditch, the other two follow, run to our ditch. Now we're moving south. We're, we're heading back down towards where I can see, um, our medic, Joe. Um, he's down there waving, you know, come to us. So we start moving down. We're carrying two of the Afghans with us. All right. Get to our first established CCP.

• 3:03:29Speaker 04

  All right. Let's start to figure out what's going on here. Um, Afghan, you know, uh, bodies are starting to come in. And then we hear the worst call in the world. Eagle down, eagle down, eagle down. It's like, well, okay, who? We don't know his roster number yet. Another radio call, eagle down, eagle down, eagle down. Roster number so and so. Eagle down, eagle down, eagle down. Roster number so and so. That's three. Eagle down, eagle down. That's four. It's like, holy shit. Like we're getting guys hit left and right. Americans and Afghans. And so now we're bringing, you know, we're, we're getting Americans to the CCP.

• 3:04:12Speaker 04

  And the far side of the CCP Taliban comes up out of the trench line, starts engaging us in the CCP. Wow. So now we gotta fight that off. The mistake they made is they were engaging us at like eighty-five meters. And so air came in and just mopped them up, but we had to move because guys were coming out of tunnels. And so now we're moving to another location where we see a pretty big portion of our Afghan commandos at. And they're waving us over. So we're trying to move them over. Got our casualties all over there and it's it's crazy. You have mud hut wall. And then a mad dash for like twenty-five meters because as you're running across the road is just,

• 3:04:56Speaker 04

  you know, the rounds are just hitting. And then, okay, now you're within this compound wall. Okay, good to go. Medics are going absolutely, you know, they're just working one guy after another. And then that's when you're seeing, you know, the, all right, put him over there. He's dead. Okay, put him over here. He's this category. He's that category. We still can't get medevac in. Area is too hot. And so we're trying to get control through air support. But as the helicopter, as the Apaches are flying over, they're saying, who is who? Like where, who is who? The Taliban are in your lines.

• 3:05:40Speaker 04

  We're engaging dudes at five and ten meters now. And that's just stuff you hear about or you saw in a movie. That doesn't really happen in Afghanistan. You're engaging dudes at hundred fifty, two hundred meters. But now guys are coming up out of trenches and stuff. And you're fighting guys in your own lines. It's like, holy cow. So finally, we're able to get separation. Get our Afghans back and this is ours. Get our Afghans back. Okay, now we have our new security perimeter set up. We've neutralized the mortar tube. Eighty-one millimeters been neutralized. Okay, good to go. Now let's start getting medevac in.

• 3:06:20Speaker 04

  Okay, got medevac coming in, getting American or getting the most critical out first. Whether they're Americans or Afghans, the people that were most critical were leaving first. And a lot of respect for that too, because we were all there fighting together. So now it's men, weapons and equipment. We're getting told to withdraw. Like leave this area. Dudes are coming in fast. Get out of here. We're gonna, we're gonna bomb this entire place. Okay, men, weapons and equipment. Alright, we're missing four guys.

• 3:06:56Speaker 04

  Shit. We're missing four guys. Alright, okay, so first guy, where, where's the last time Afghans pointing over at the last CCP? Go there and he was, he had been killed um in the corner and no one saw him there in the corner, so. He had gotten hit and kinda slouched in the corner and died. Okay, now we're missing three guys. There's another guy that was in the trench line here. Okay, we got him. Now we're missing two guys. Where is Abe? And where is the Afghan commando sergeant major? We don't know. When's the last time we saw Abe? 500 meters up the dirt road towards the Taliban. Shit.

• 3:07:42Speaker 04

  No one gets left behind. We have to go get him.

• 3:07:47Speaker 04

  No one gets left behind. And so, you know, the, the risk versus reward conversation is had slash argument. And it, it's basically, hey, man, I understand no one gets left behind, but we're risking lives to go and get them. Yeah, I understand we're risking lives to go and get them, but if we don't go get them, we also have another problem on our hands of green on blue. Well, then they're Afghans. They should go get their own guys. They're not going to. But if we don't go get their own guys, now we have a problem. We have to go get them. No one gets left behind. So our JTAC said, hey, I got an idea.

• 3:08:28Speaker 04

  And I, I, I know this is gonna sound something out of a movie, I'm sorry, but he said, those two Apaches. I'm gonna have them do a gun run up the road and we're gonna take off running behind them. And get to that last place. And he was like, I hope this works because they got fuel for this and that's it. Okay, so it's like, all right, here they come. Patches are inbound. All right. And that cannon just like, ooh, geez. And I was like, God, please help my leg hold up. I gotta get to Abe. Help my leg hold up. And we just took off running down that road. And the Patches were doing their, it was, it was like,

• 3:09:13Speaker 04

  it was like a dream, kinda. You were just kinda out of it, but you were moving forward. And we got to the last bridge where I had last saw Abe at, where our LOA was. We got into that last bridge and I looked over to the right hand side and he was floating there in the water. And dead. And then the Sergeant Major was next to him, dead. Damn. Um, and they were in muddy water, but they had bled out so much that it was red.

• 3:09:47Speaker 04

  So, all right, we got the last two. Now we gotta get them out of this six foot ditch and we gotta get them back. And man, bloody bodies are hard to grab on to. And the mud and everything and man, we're, we're struggling to get them out, finally get Abe out, get the Sergeant Major out. All right, we're moving back and we, and, and we, we start heading back, all Americans. Yeah. We went out to get our two Afghan brothers. And then other Afghans saw us coming back with them and started running out to help us and stuff like that, but we went back for Abe and the Sergeant Major

• 3:10:32Speaker 04

  because of our belief that no one gets left behind.

• 3:10:38Speaker 04

  And we are willing to fight and die to bring back one person because of our belief structure that no one gets left behind.

• 3:10:53Speaker 04

  And we did, we did him right. We got him home to his family. The Taliban were gonna desecrate the bodies. We got him and the sergeant major back to their families.

• 3:11:05Speaker 04

  And that was, yeah, that was the, that was the 2016. We'd been on multiple missions after that, but that was the biggest, that was the biggest fight I've ever been in in my life.

• 3:11:17Shawn Ryan?

  How long did that fight last?

• 3:11:19Speaker 04

  About eighteen, eighteen hours.

• 3:11:22Shawn Ryan?

  You got a silver star for that, correct?

• 3:11:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. But no one got left behind.

• 3:11:33Shawn Ryan?

  That is incredible.

• 3:11:38Shawn Ryan?

  I wish the rest of the country had that mindset when we were pulled out of Afghanistan.

• 3:11:44Speaker 04

  No, me too. Me too. I definitely, you know, I went, went back to Afghanistan

• 3:11:55Speaker 04

  after that 2017, um, nineteen to twenty, or I'm sorry, eighteen to nineteen, twenty and twenty-one. And in 2021, you know, we definitely, in seventeen and eighteen and nineteen, we did great missions. But my mission in 2021 as a contractor, I was, um, you know, I had retired in January 2020 and I went and I contracted. And so I was a counter threat contractor at the time. And we, we were armed contractors, so we went out on missions and, and stuff like that

• 3:12:34Speaker 04

  with, um, with ODAs, um, or, you know, um, Marsoc or, or whoever it was. But, um, my job in 2020 was base closures. I'm sorry, 2021 was base closures. And that's, that's a weird, weird feeling, especially after you have

• 3:13:01Speaker 04

  done what you've done. Um, blood has been spilled, brothers have been lost.

• 3:13:09Speaker 04

  And the result, the ending result of it is we're closing down bases, handing them over to the Afghans that 100% do not intend at all to hold these bases, which will then fall into the hands of the Taliban. And where that American flag used to fly will now be the Taliban flag.

• 3:13:34Speaker 04

  And so I started out at New Antonek in Helmand and then Dwyer. We closed down New Antonek, closed down Dwyer, CAF, and then BAF. And I left out of BAF. And going up onto the perimeter walls in BAF, you could see the Taliban flags flying everywhere. Conducting GDA patrols.

• 3:13:59Speaker 04

  When, in 2020, when we were in the peace agreement with the Taliban, I was at Dalkey and we were conducting GDA patrols and Taliban flags everywhere. And the new guys, they didn't understand it. But it was, yeah, it was something else. And then 2021, watching the Taliban move through all the areas that we had, that people had freedoms and, and the ability to, you know, to earn a living for themselves, to take care of their families the way they want to,

• 3:14:40Speaker 04

  to raise their children and live their lives on their own terms was gone.

• 3:14:47Speaker 04

  Gone in a blitz, in a blitzkrieg. It didn't take them any, it didn't take them no year or two years, whatever, whatever these people in Washington were trying to say would take the Taliban, if they ever were able to do it, took them months, a couple of months.

• 3:15:06Speaker 04

  And I sit back now and I look at what we did in Afghanistan and the lives that were changed there. And I see that Al Qaeda has re, resurfaced there. And different terror groups are still fighting for control, whether it's ISIS fighting the Taliban or you name it.

• 3:15:35Speaker 04

  What did we do?

• 3:15:39Speaker 04

  That's a hard question. And that's gonna lead into a lot of mental health struggles. It already has. It, it, it, it has, and it's gonna continue to lead into a lot of mental health struggles that a lot of people have.

• 3:15:53Shawn Ryan?

  It's gonna lead into a lot of things, man. It's gonna, I mean, who's gonna serve the country?

• 3:16:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:16:03Shawn Ryan?

  All the people that did serve the country, that's the mental health. How's the world gonna see the United States now we've abandoned yet another country that we invaded and promised to make better?

• 3:16:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:16:16Shawn Ryan?

  And we fucking left them to die.

• 3:16:19Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. Yep. The...

• 3:16:24Shawn Ryan?

  We...

• 3:16:30Shawn Ryan?

  It's hard for me to go down this road, man, but, um...

• 3:16:43Shawn Ryan?

  The consequences that this country is gonna feel from the fucking way that we acted when we pulled out of that country, we're gonna pay for that for a long fucking time.

• 3:16:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:16:59Speaker 04

  And it started with those 13 heroes that were killed at Abbey Gate.

• 3:17:03Shawn Ryan?

  Yep.

• 3:17:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:17:15Speaker 04

  I don't know the answer to it.

• 3:17:17Shawn Ryan?

  I don't either.

• 3:17:18Speaker 04

  I don't think anybody does. But I know...

• 3:17:22Shawn Ryan?

  The answer is to hold these fucking politicians accountable.

• 3:17:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:17:30Shawn Ryan?

  There's no fucking accountability in this country anymore for people that, for the elites, for the people in politics. Look at the shit. They're just running around fucking rampant. They don't even give a fuck anymore. They don't try to hide it. They just shit on every fucking thing.

• 3:17:49Speaker 04

  And they don't have to hide it because they have pushed an agenda in our country that we no longer understand that they work for the people. They are elected by the people and they work for the people. And nobody knows that anymore. Nobody understands that our elected officials are elected through us to work for us.

• 3:18:20Speaker 04

  I don't think anybody understands that because I'm watching it. I watch it unfold on the news daily. How are you not held accountable for this? Don't have to be.

• 3:18:32Speaker 04

  You kidding me? I'm better than you.

• 3:18:37Speaker 04

  You're just a, you're just part of the population. I'm the government.

• 3:18:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can, I can go, I can go down some real dark holes with that one, but I.

• 3:18:48Shawn Ryan?

  Well, we all know what it leads to.

• 3:18:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:18:51Shawn Ryan?

  You don't even have to say it.

• 3:18:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:18:55Shawn Ryan?

  Let's take a break.

• 3:18:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:19:00Shawn Ryan?

  Thank you for listening to the Sean Ryan Show. If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to iTunes and leave the Sean Ryan Show a review. We read every review that comes through and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show.

• 3:19:21Shawn Ryan?

  All right, Ryan, so we just wrapped up some contracting work that you were doing and had to do with the Afghan withdrawal. And so now you're kind of transitioning out of a combat role and back into civilian life. How's that go for you?

• 3:19:40Speaker 04

  So the, the transition over.

• 3:19:44Speaker 04

  From doing the contracting job, Afghanistan is closed down. I'm actually still a contractor at that point, but there's no real mission in sight. Next thing maybe would be Syria or something like that. But now, you know, I have, I have time to actually, again, that the one thing we were talking about from the hospital, time. I have time to think. I have time to kind of dissect everything. And the big topic there is Afghanistan. Afghanistan has had a major portion of my military life from 2010 to 2021.

• 3:20:26Speaker 04

  And so now what? And so with time to think, I also, you know, have time to kind of bring back up a lot of those things that we had talked about from earlier that I've always kept myself so busy in my life to where I never really had to to face who's Ryan Hendrickson, even in the hospital. It was, okay, I have plenty of time to think. You know, I'm going through, you know, the, the, the mental struggles that I was. Now I'm going to bury myself completely into rehabilitation and physical therapy.

• 3:21:07Speaker 04

  And I'm going to continue to move forward with this. Life is great. Life is good. But I still haven't quite addressed,

• 3:21:17Speaker 04

  you know, things from my past, whether it was a childhood trauma or, you know, my earlier life or the destruction that I, that I created throughout my life being this entitled victim to my injury. And a lot of, a lot of that, the mental, I guess, for better, lack of words, the mental minefield that I was, I was constantly navigating myself through. So.

• 3:21:52Speaker 04

  I'm, I'm sitting there and I remember it's, you know, it's January, uh, 2022. And I'm supposed to deploy again in May of, um, 2022 to Syria as a contractor. And it's January and we're watching this, we're watching this, you know, this buildup at the border, um, in Ukraine. And so the world is watching, wondering what's, what's going on and no one, you know, they'd been building up for a while. And, um, I didn't really think too much into it, but you know, along with watching, you know, that buildup at the border.

• 3:22:35Speaker 04

  And this, this agonizing question, who am I? What am I? What is my purpose in life? Um, and then having to figure out, you know, who Ryan Henderson is and to deal with, to turn those past traumas and experiences into something that I can use to help other people. Um, now I'm kinda sitting at this, um, you know, November, December, January timeframe of 2021, 2022, and I'm, and I'm really starting to, you know,

• 3:23:17Speaker 04

  purposefully dig deep into who I am as a person and how, how can I, how, how can I

• 3:23:26Speaker 04

  use my experiences for something more than this? This can't be it. This contracting job is not fulfilling. I'm not doing, I'm not doing anything that's, that's really, I, I'm staying in my comfort zone. I haven't stepped out. I'm doing this job because, um, it's, it's a paycheck and it's a comfort zone. So February, February 2022 rolls around. Tensions are getting a lot hotter at the border, um, Ukraine and Russia. And I'm watching things unfold, but still I'm in disbelief. No, there's no way.

• 3:24:07Speaker 04

  February 24th, 2022, Russia escalates the conflict. So the conflict started in 2014. 2022 was just an escalation of that conflict. And I remember, like a lot of Americans, I was watching the TV and I was watching these events unfold where two nations were going at it. You know, this is a near peer war. This isn't an insurgency. It's not, you know, it's not a rebel movement or anything like that. This is a war between two countries.

• 3:24:48Speaker 04

  And so as I'm watching all this unfold, I start to feel this, this nag, this nagging like desire that I, I need to get over there and do something, but I can't. I'm a government contractor. What am I gonna do? Am I gonna go over there and fight? Am I gonna, like, what, what am I gonna do, Ryan? No, stop. The old man calls up. He said, hey, um, I'm watching the news. Yeah, me too, Dad. He's like, don't even think about it. I said, think about what? He goes, you know exactly what. He's like, don't even think about it. He said, you've done your part.

• 3:25:33Speaker 04

  You don't need to go over there and fight. Don't even think about it. So I was like, okay, well, I wasn't thinking about it, Dad. I was, but, but, um, then I started talking to one of my buddies. His name is, his name is David Cunningham. And his family founded the missionary organization, YWAM, Youth with a Mission. And so Dave and I have gotten really close and, um, and we had been, you know, we were talking back and forth, um, and I said, yeah, I just, I feel lost right now. And this is, this is the beginning of March. I said, I feel lost right now. I feel.

• 3:26:16Speaker 04

  I feel like there's a higher purpose for me, but I just, I, I don't know what it is. I don't, I don't know what I can do. And I'm still, you know, cha- you know, I'm still kinda um running from demons or chasing demons or I'm, I'm, I'm trying to get a handle on who Ryan Hendrickson is. But something about Ukraine is just, it's pulling at me and I, I, I don't know why. And he's like, well, what do you want to do? So I, I don't know. I, I mean, I feel like I should go over there, but I, I don't know if I want to fight. I've, I've done enough of that. I was like, there, there, there's gotta be something bigger, something, you know, I don't know what my purpose is.

• 3:26:58Speaker 04

  And he said, well, I can help you figure it out. I said, what are you talking about, Dave? He goes, yeah, we got a YWAM campus in Kiev. And the people that volunteered to stay behind, um, they're running buses to all of the suburb areas that the Russians are coming into and evacuating people out. He's like, they've never been to war before. They could probably use your help. Um, you know, just to stay alive. He's like, would you want to do that? And it just hit me like a ton of bricks. So I, I quit my contracting job and I headed, I headed over there in the middle of March. And it was like, um, it was like a Rob, it was like a Robin Sage exercise. All right, man, you're gonna fly into crack out Poland.

• 3:27:43Speaker 04

  You're gonna meet up with this guy at, so get from the airport to this hotel. You're gonna stay at this hotel two days. You're gonna meet up with this guy. He doesn't speak English, but he's gonna take you to the border. Then you're gonna get dropped off and get with another guy who's a border expert. I was like, border expert? All right, cool. Really great guy, doesn't speak English, you'll be fine. He's like, okay, great. So then you're gonna get to a safe house. Another guy's gonna pick you up and bring you all the way into Kiev and then you'll link up with the, with the YWAM guys and start to work. Any questions? And I was like, I've been through a scenario like this before. It's called Robin Sage.

• 3:28:25Speaker 04

  So, all right, so of course, you know, I, it's like, all right, job's been quit, you know, um, Dawn, my wife, she's strangely extremely comfortable with it. Like, yeah, you know, that's, yeah, this is a good cause. It's like.

• 3:28:42Speaker 04

  No, you Ukraine. Yeah, I know. It's a good cause. You're gonna help people.

• 3:28:48Speaker 04

  Ukraine, Ukraine. You know, the Russia, Ukraine, the war. I know.

• 3:28:54Speaker 04

  Okay. And um. So I head over there and of course, the plan goes as plans always go. Guy shows up five hours late. Um, get to the border and then, you know, I'm I'm able to get across the fairly easily. The border guards like, American. Okay. And then those two words that I hate the most. Good luck. Like, God bless America. All right. So now, safe house and then my and then Ukrainian, who's who turned out to be one of my good friends, Max picks me up. And we're heading to Kiev. And Kiev is a ghost town.

• 3:29:35Speaker 04

  No traffic, no vehicles, nothing's moving. It's like, holy cow. So I get to the YWAM campus, get some sleep and they say, hey, um. We're doing a run. Um, did you bring the body armor? It's like, yeah, I brought body armor for us. It's like, cool. Do you know how to drive a stick shift? It's like, yeah. It's like, okay, uh, you can drive this. We're going over to this place that we're gonna bring women and children out.

• 3:30:04Speaker 04

  Oh, like right now, right now? Yeah. Wow. Like right now, right now. So hit the ground running with with these these kids. They they were all low twenties. And they're they wanted to help so badly. And their way of contributing was to evacuate women and children out of areas that the Russians were moving into because men had to stay and fight. And so.

• 3:30:35Speaker 04

  Now, all of a sudden, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm sitting here and we're evacuating people out of the suburbs of Kyiv and a little bit further beyond, but it got a little risky if you started heading to, if you, if you try to skirt around the Russian lines, you could find yourself in a bad situation really quick. So we were staying in areas where we had clear, you know, withdraw, withdraw is a military term, but we had a clear way out if, if we needed to, if it got, you know, and there was a couple of instances where Ukrainians, you know, would stop us, shut all lights off. Everyone's real quiet as that Sioux fighter flies overhead or whatever it is, you know. But for the most part, it's

• 3:31:20Speaker 04

  just we're, we're going to these areas and these families that are just been ripped apart by war. You know, the, the wife and the kids are saying probably their final goodbyes to their husband as he's being armed. At that point, here's an AK. You guys are leaving. You're going with them. And I'm watching, I'm watching all this unfold. And I'm seeing the worst and the best of humanity. I'm seeing the purest and the evilst. That's not really a word, but you know what I mean, of humanity. People are charging in

• 3:32:04Speaker 04

  to defend their homes. And we're charging in to evacuate out their families. And so now I'm starting to, I'm starting to see that the mental health struggles that I've had, whether it was my childhood or, you know, my injury or whatever.

• 3:32:33Speaker 04

  What other self-induced, you know, entitled, victimized pitfalls that I've fallen into throughout my life, I'm starting to see that none of that really matters right now because I'm doing something that's bigger than myself. I'm doing something that is, is helping other people and I'm never, I'm, I, I'll get a thank you, but that's it.

• 3:32:58Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 3:32:59Speaker 04

  I'll never see these people again. I'm, I won't even know whatever even happened to them.

• 3:33:06Speaker 04

  And all of a sudden, I'm starting to feel this, this purpose to my life. And this, this reason for Ryan Hendrickson. This, I'm starting to see this rough outline of who Ryan Hendrickson is.

• 3:33:30Speaker 04

  And everything that had happened to me, whether I did it to myself or it was done to me. Now all of a sudden, it's not fading away. It's always going to be there with you. Um, one of the biggest mistakes people make in their mental health journey is they want the situation that happened to them in the past, whatever it was, whether it was a rape or it was abuse, or it was a traumatic injury, or it was losing a buddy in combat. Whatever it was, people will try to make it disappear like it never happened. I want this out of my mind, out of my life. This never happened, I'm done. How do I do that?

• 3:34:15Speaker 04

  You can't. It's impossible. And they will fight so hard to make this.

• 3:34:24Speaker 04

  Situation like it never happened instead of understanding that it did happen. And there's nothing you can do about it. This is a part of your life. Now, now you're at the forks in the road like my dad told me. Are you gonna use it to make yourself stronger and help other people? Or are you gonna become a victim of it?

• 3:34:41Speaker 04

  And that's, that's, that's where a lot of the, the, the breakdown happens with mental health. But I was laying back at night after a mission and we're unarmed. We're, we're, we're, we're just going in. There was one point in the chaos of the initial evasion where the Russians were coming this way. And we were driving this way on a road. And I was like, those are Russians. Yeah, it was because the lines were blurred. But I was laying back at night and you can hear, you can hear the explosions in the outskirts of the city. And you can, you know, you, you would just listen to and hear it. And I was laying back at night and I just remembered, or I was that, that, that fulfillment.

• 3:35:26Speaker 04

  That I was getting that I did something that was bigger than myself. I did something that, that was making me the man that I wanted to be. When I was laying there, um, next to the Helmand River. And I looked back in disgust at who I was as a man. March 2022, I was proud of myself for once in my life, first time in my life.

• 3:35:54Shawn Ryan?

  That's the first time you've ever been proud of yourself.

• 3:35:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. First time in my life, I had a purpose and I was proud of myself. And my mental health, from there, the purpose grew. Now the Russians are moving east and civilians are coming back to their homes. And they're hitting mines and they're hitting booby traps. This is something I, I understand this world. I understand this pain. That child doesn't need to go through the pain that I went through. That's not fair. They're not a, they're, they're, they're the innocent cot in the middle. I can help with this, whether it was from just basic awareness in the beginning of April of 2022. It's like, hey, don't touch this, stay away from this. Yep, I would probably, no one come into this place.

• 3:36:42Speaker 04

  It's rigged for sure. To now I'm helping, you know, um, people with detectors. This is how you use this detector. This is how you handle this mine. This is how you do this. And when I was getting ready to come home in May of 22, I looked and I said, you know what? This is who I am.

• 3:37:03Speaker 04

  This is my purpose in life. And I have this purpose because of September 12th, 2010. I understood why God put that IED in that doorway for me. And why he had to bring me to the brink of death.

• 3:37:25Speaker 04

  In order for me to become the man that I am slowly, but I'm becoming today.

• 3:37:32Speaker 04

  That, that was God's wake up call. You're [__] up. This is gonna hurt really bad, but I need to get your attention because there's something bigger for you. You have a purpose and you're not fulfilling it. It's gonna hurt, but trust me, this is for a reason, Ryan.

• 3:37:51Speaker 04

  And I saw that play out. My dad said it to me in the hospital room. You have the golden ticket. This will change your life and you're gonna change so many other people's lives. Then I came home and I, I did, I started up the 501(c)(3) I have now. And I've been back to Ukraine, um, five other times removing landmines.

• 3:38:14Shawn Ryan?

  You've been there five times or six times?

• 3:38:17Speaker 04

  Um, fi- or six total.

• 3:38:19Shawn Ryan?

  Six total.

• 3:38:20Speaker 04

  But five removing landmines. So I came back and I just started helping civilians out within their areas. Where, where, where's a mine at? I, I can help. I can do this.

• 3:38:33Shawn Ryan?

  You know, now you have a perspective that not a lot of us get, you know, going to war. And I don't have this perspective. I don't think anybody I know has this perspective of what war's like. You are the only person I know that has this perspective and I find it very interesting. What is it like in the middle of a war when you're not on any one particular side? We had spoke at breakfast and you're not really, you're not there to choose sides. You're there to save innocent people who are caught in the middle of of of war. What's that? What is that perspective?

• 3:39:14Speaker 04

  You ever heard of strength through vulnerability?

• 3:39:19Shawn Ryan?

  Yes.

• 3:39:20Speaker 04

  Strength through vulnerability is what it is. I am, I am, I am becoming the man that I think God had planned for me.

• 3:39:35Speaker 04

  Through, and I'm becoming stronger through the vulnerabilities that we have. And our vulnerable state is, yeah, I, I, I go into these areas unarmed. And we remove landmines, booby traps, explosive um, devices. And we're, we're not armed. We don't take sides. Um, we are there for the innocent civilians caught in the middle. And I've been told multiple times, you're, that's, that's insane. You're an idiot. It's like, all right, I got it. Or do you have a death wish? Or, you know, yeah, keep believing God's gonna save you and see where that, see where you wind up.

• 3:40:19Speaker 04

  That's fine. My belief and my faith goes back to the beginning and the end. Chapters have already been written. It's up to you to fill in those middle chapters. And I'm, I'm filling them in the best I can. And the end, you know, my life's gonna go on for a long time. But this new, you know, the chapters that I'm filling in now are not full of pain, despair, destruction, hurt, anger, guilt. They're full of helping people and, and, and strength and, and just courage.

• 3:41:03Speaker 04

  And forgiveness and empathy and healing. That's what these chapters are now. And again, I never, I didn't know who Ryan Hendrickson was before February 24th, 2022.

• 3:41:20Speaker 04

  And I found who I am and what I'm meant to be and what God wants for me. Um, I found that finally, people, you know, people is like, well, I'm just an old dog in the fight. I'll never change. Yes, you will. You can. My dad changed. He went from a shotgun underneath his neck to who the man he is today, who raised the man I am today. And I changed from an absolute monster,

• 3:41:50Speaker 04

  a self entitled victimized monster to what I'm doing today. That's, you know, the fact that when people think that, you know, I'm, I'm never going to change. This is who I am. That's another way of victimizing yourself.

• 3:42:10Speaker 04

  You already, you know, you're, you're making yourself the victim.

• 3:42:15Speaker 04

  And so, yeah, the, the vulnerabilities of doing what we do. And I don't, I, I don't demine on the front lines. Like we're, we're back 15, 20 kilometers from the front. Um, you know, we've been in areas where they'll start hitting it with artillery and then you, you just leave. It's like, yeah, I don't, I don't want to be a victim here. So I'm, I'm heading out. Um, but yeah, I mean, it's the, the strength through vulnerability, the doing, the doing something that's bigger than yourself, regardless of the cost, helping people that, that you'll never see again. You don't know who they are. Um, you may get a thank you.

• 3:42:57Speaker 04

  But you're helping them because.

• 3:43:03Speaker 04

  A lot of people abuse the term, "It's the right thing to do." What's the right thing to do? Like, what is, what's the right thing to do? Hitler thought he was doing the right thing. Stalin thought he was doing the right thing. Like, what's the right thing to do? But when you're helping people out because of your belief and your faith that this is what you're supposed to be doing. I mean, there's, there's, there's a huge power to that.

• 3:43:30Speaker 04

  And it's, it revolves around having a higher purpose.

• 3:43:36Speaker 04

  But I could not have gone, Ryan Hendrickson, pre um, Brooks Army Medical Center. I couldn't have gone straight from the, the self-entitled victimized Ryan Hendrickson into this. I never would have saw, I never would have took the chance. I never would have saw the doors open for me. I had to take control over myself. I had to take responsibility, like my dad said, for my actions. Who the are you?

• 3:44:10Speaker 04

  Who, who are you to try and, to try and like, push what you think other people should be doing? You know, okay, so yeah, you got, you got wounded here. You had this incident happen here, or this happened to you. Who, who are you to try and force people to, to, to fill, to, to fill your entitled void through, through pity for you? And, and, and all these, you know, these, these accolades that you think you need from somebody else to build you up? Because you think you deserve something that is so far beyond what anybody else gets because of an incident that you think you went through?

• 3:44:56Speaker 04

  Who the are you? And who made you God? You're not special. You are a person just like everyone else here. Regardless of what path you chose in the military, first responder, I don't care. Name the job. Regardless of the path that you chose, you're no better than that guy over here and you're no better than that person over here. We are all human beings. Who made you God that you're gonna force these people who are trying so hard? Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't understand. Thank you.

• 3:45:35Speaker 04

  You're, they're trying hard, but no one will ever fill that entitled void in you because you won't allow it. You will suck people dry. You will push people away from you unless you take control over your own life. A lot of the mental health problems we have right now is people want the solution given to them without any work. They want this. Do you know what I did for you? Do you know I served our country? I done this. Your freedoms are because of me. You wouldn't have the freedoms you do unless it was for me. And go down that whole rabbit hole of entitled mindsets that a lot of veterans give.

• 3:46:16Speaker 04

  And they put off to a community that does support. But they don't allow because you keep wanting more and more and more because the entitlement void will never be filled. And as you want more, people start to move away from you. To where now you're not, now you're secluded. You're alone.

• 3:46:41Shawn Ryan?

  Well, I mean,

• 3:46:44Shawn Ryan?

  those are damn good points and I'm gonna say, man, you came at a, at a perfect time because I've been, I've been talking to my wife about how the veteran community continues to victimize themselves. And, you know, and it's a

• 3:47:03Shawn Ryan?

  It's a fucking tough not to crack, you know, I don't.

• 3:47:09Shawn Ryan?

  Excuse me, I'm gonna disagree with you a little bit on some of these things. While I do, I understand, especially, I'll say it, especially the special operations community is the most entitled community in all of the military, maybe even more than pilots. But, but, and it's because, you know, yeah, we did bust our fucking ass to get there. And it was a lot of blood, slut and tears, you know, the Q course, buds, whatever it is. We talked about training at the beginning and, and your opinion is we do have the

• 3:47:48Shawn Ryan?

  most capable special operators on the planet.

• 3:47:50Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 3:47:51Shawn Ryan?

  You know, that does create a lot of entitlement. I think that

• 3:47:57Shawn Ryan?

  the, in the veteran community in, in general, I think there's also a certain amount of resentment that a lot of us feel as well, especially when we just watched, or in your case, took part in the Afghan withdrawal.

• 3:48:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:48:16Shawn Ryan?

  And you see half of the country, you know, is all about how that went down. They're great. It's okay, you know, they saw it happen. Maybe they're pissed off for five minutes, but hey, by the time they wake up in the morning, they fucking forgot all about it. Cause did it affect them? No, it didn't affect them.

• 3:48:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:48:34Shawn Ryan?

  The 20 years of war, did that affect them? No, it didn't affect them.

• 3:48:38Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:48:39Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and that shit bothers me.

• 3:48:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:48:43Shawn Ryan?

  I don't feel like I'm self entitled. I mean, I've worked for every fucking thing I've gotten. I mean, you see how the shows run. It's me and you sitting in here in the studio. I run this shit. You know, I have an awesome team behind me, but it took me a long time to fucking build that.

• 3:49:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:49:00Shawn Ryan?

  But I, I still struggle with resentment.

• 3:49:03Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:03Shawn Ryan?

  You know, from the American population that's sat on their fucking ass and hadn't done shit.

• 3:49:09Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:10Shawn Ryan?

  And allows this bullshit in our country to fucking go on, like the Afghan withdrawal. I'm tired of that shit.

• 3:49:19Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:19Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and it does, it builds a lot of resentment. And I can tell you right now, the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up.

• 3:49:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:49:28Shawn Ryan?

  Right now, because it makes me so fucking angry.

• 3:49:31Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:31Shawn Ryan?

  That I ever put my ass on the line for fifty percent of the fucking people that live in this country, who are self entitled fucking turds.

• 3:49:39Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:40Shawn Ryan?

  You know, with that being said, and that's just my opinion.

• 3:49:45Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:49:46Shawn Ryan?

  You know, but I do, I do think there is a, I mean, I just said, I went through it, you know? I think there's a certain amount of resentment that a lot of us feel. And maybe it's justified, maybe it isn't, but you know, there are a lot of weak fucking people in this country.

• 3:50:07Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:50:08Shawn Ryan?

  A ton of them, and it, it, it just, it bugs us.

• 3:50:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:50:14Shawn Ryan?

  With that being said, and I'm a hundred percent on board with you when you're talking about victimizing. I mean, that we had a, I wish we would have had the conversation we had at breakfast here on camera.

• 3:50:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:50:28Shawn Ryan?

  You know, I mean, I do, I see it all the time. And, and the, the, the tricky thing with the veteran community is this shit is coming in waves.

• 3:50:36Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:50:36Shawn Ryan?

  You know, because it was, it was, I mean, shit, I got out of the SEAL teams in late two thousand six and then spent it, um, the better part of a decade at the agency contracting over there.

• 3:50:52Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 3:50:52Shawn Ryan?

  You know, going to all, all the same shitholes I went to and, and the military and seeing the exact same stuff and, and.

• 3:51:03Shawn Ryan?

  And so I guess what I'm saying is there's a twenty year time period where guys are cycling through, you know? And it's, it's a multi generational war.

• 3:51:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:51:13Shawn Ryan?

  That we just got out of, it's the only war that.

• 3:51:20Shawn Ryan?

  You could have joined and gotten out and had an entire career of combat. More than World War II, more than Vietnam, more than any of them.

• 3:51:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:51:33Shawn Ryan?

  An entire fucking career, 20 years from enlistment to retirement and more. And so you're seeing these waves of vets come out and they're all, it's all, you know, it's, it's a struggle and the, and the cycles, you know, they just keep starting over and starting over and we're gonna see, you know, the last cycle here soon.

• 3:51:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:51:53Shawn Ryan?

  Uh, of guys coming out. But, you know, I do, I pay attention, you know, and I think that there are a lot of vets who don't wanna move past their service. You know, they think they've hit the pinnacle of their existence at a young age and man, if you, if you give that period of time, that much, um, that profound of a, of a whatever, you know, that's the pinnacle of your existence, then everything fucking after that is downhill.

• 3:52:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:52:30Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and I'm, I went through that, I'm, I'm sure you went through that. Hey, well, I'm at the pinnacle, made it through the Q course, I found your leg, you got a Silver Star for, you know what I mean? I mean, there were a lot of pinnacles, you know, that you've overcome and, but you keep climbing and you keep outdoing yourself, you know, and, and I think a lot of vets, they get, they get, because of the, the, because of the, the news and, and what other vets are putting out and the struggle and everybody knows the VA system's a complete fucking disaster and everybody knows we get treated like shit and, you know, and we're, we are the, probably...

• 3:53:19Shawn Ryan?

  Well, I don't want to say this, but what's on, well, I'll say it. We're probably one of the communities that are, that are treated the shittiest, flushed down the toilet and forgotten about quicker than anybody else. I mean, you watch the news and every other, every other community, demographic, whatever the you want to call it, of people who are, who are, who are victimizing themselves or, or they want reparations, whatever it is, man, you know what I mean? It's all, media covers it. Doesn't matter what demographic, what group of people, what sexuality, doesn't matter. They'll cover it. Veterans, fuck them.

• 3:54:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:54:01Shawn Ryan?

  Shit on them, flush them down the toilet. We don't want to talk about this shit, you know? And so you can either victimize yourself because of that, or you can fucking overcome it and do exactly what you're saying. But what I see is I see a lot of guys that they make a career. That's their new career is victimizing themselves. And it's like, you know,

• 3:54:29Shawn Ryan?

  I think that minus all the trauma, you know, that everybody's seen at war and, and, and reintegrating back into civilian life, you know, veterans, minus the PTSD and the TBI and all of that, and the, and the suicide epidemic that's going on. And I mean, it's, it's a huge problem.

• 3:54:48Speaker 04

  Huge.

• 3:54:49Shawn Ryan?

  You know, but two things that vets struggle with, especially coming out of the special operations community is the inability to reinvent yourself. You know, that is a, that's, that's, that's a big.

• 3:55:06Speaker 04

  Huge. It's a huge problem.

• 3:55:09Shawn Ryan?

  It's the inability to reinvent themselves. I mean, it's, you just.

• 3:55:17Shawn Ryan?

  And to to to continue to develop as is men and women, you know, it's it's a lot of the development I've noticed it stops at the end of the military career or on that last combat deployment. That's where the development stops because they get stuck.

• 3:55:36Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 3:55:40Shawn Ryan?

  they get stuck in that life and they know they're the pinnacle of warfighting. And in in in they can't they can't find a way to develop into the pinnacle of something else, you know, and well, it just starts with a fucking step, one step, you know, in another direction and leaving that baggage behind and and and I know that's hard. I know it's hard. I did it. You did it.

• 3:56:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, you gotta take you gotta take responsibility for yourself.

• 3:56:13Shawn Ryan?

  Just about everybody in this that's sat in that chair from the military has done it, has figured out how to do it, but

• 3:56:24Shawn Ryan?

  you know, but you know, then you see

• 3:56:33Shawn Ryan?

  you have to want to get the better, man. You have to want to leave that shit behind and and and even a lot of influencers that I respect, you know, that I have a tremendous amount of respect for, I still see them doing the same shit. Influencers, whatever. I just influencers, I hate that word, but I hate it. But, you know, people, people with a big presence, you know, with a with a with a big audience. It's I'm fucking rooting for them and I don't say this publicly to any of them because it's not my place, but but inside I'm like, man, you've got to you've got eventually each and every one of us, I feel like it it it gets to a point where it's like you have to stop

• 3:57:17Shawn Ryan?

  addressing this problem and move on. Like you've made your mark. You've you've you've donated, you've coached, you've helped, you've talked about it, you've done every thing you can. Now it's time to move on and prove to your audience that you can move on from this shit.

• 3:57:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:57:39Shawn Ryan?

  Or

• 3:57:42Shawn Ryan?

  You know, what I do is I, I mean, veterans will always have a [bleep] spot in my heart, man. I mean, I am one, you know what I mean? And I do know the [bleep] struggles. And I like to concentrate on the guys that are getting out. But, you know, for my personal development, you know, my personal development was, I mean, I, I went from being a contractor to teaching tactics, to interviewing former colleagues and, and men and women like yourself to, alright, I gotta keep [bleep] developing. I have to keep developing. And so I bring on other, you know, other guests and I broaden my network and I talk about other issues.

• 3:58:27Shawn Ryan?

  There's, there's more issues than just the veteran community. Now, now I'm getting involved in this anti-sex trafficking movement and sex exploitation and all this shit that's plaguing our [bleep] in kids, which are the future of our country. You know, one in four girls is molested in this [bleep] country, as per CDC, which I don't trust the CDC, so it's probably worse. One in 13 boys [bleep] molested. You know, I mean, there's, there's, you have to develop, I guess is what I'm saying. You have to develop and you have to, you have to broaden your horizons and move into other areas and, and that's just how you [bleep] develop as a person.

• 3:59:12Shawn Ryan?

  And I, and the, the veteran community really struggles with that. I think a lot of professional athletes struggle with that too, when they think they've hit the pinnacle of their life.

• 3:59:22Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 3:59:22Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and, and, and I think, I used to not want to admit there's a lot of similarities, you know, because how [bleep] hard can it be going from being an 18-year-old basketball player to making $20 million a [bleep] year and then you wanna, I wanna listen to your bullshit sob story about how you blew all your [bleep] money? But I do understand being the pinnacle of a certain occupation.

• 3:59:48Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 3:59:48Shawn Ryan?

  And then it goes away and you have no [bleep] identity. You have to do exactly what you're talking about. Who is Ryan Hendrickson?

• 3:59:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:59:57Shawn Ryan?

  Who is Sean Ryan? I don't [bleep] know because everything that I thought I was is now gone.

• 4:00:04Speaker 04

  Yep, and everything starts with a purpose. You gotta have that higher purpose and veterans in order to be able to even realize that you need to have a higher purpose to know who you are as a man or a woman. You have to be able to take control over yourself first. The fact of the matter that half the country gives two shits what happened in Afghanistan. They don't care. They don't know the sacrifice. They don't know the suffering. But part of, part of that healing for yourself is, is the understanding that you can't force them. You can't force the sheep of this country because we have a lot of them.

• 4:00:50Speaker 04

  You cannot force them to ever understand what you went through because they're not going to. And there's no amount of talking. There's no amount of, of, of lobbying. There's no amount of force that will ever make somebody understand something that is incapable of it. Therefore, as that human being, as that veteran, you have to be able to understand this and be able to fill that, that, that void in yourself that your entitlement has created. A lot of veterans, a lot of veterans fall into the entitlement hole. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what I've done for you and it's going to get worse because of Afghanistan. And a lot of us have a good reason to feel that way.

• 4:01:33Speaker 04

  But the problem with entitlement is it creates victimization. Because you're never going to be able to fill that entitled void. It is impossible. You can't do it. We have a whole country of victims. That's why I know it's impossible. Because we have a country of people that will never, never leave victimization. They will always be the victims. I'm not talking veterans. I'm talking a country. I know what you're talking about. And so, but the veterans plagued themselves because they do have a right, they do have a rightful complaint and a bitch. Do you know what we just did for us to do this? We're at a very dangerous time in the veteran community right now because of Afghanistan. It's very dangerous and it is critical that veterans take, they, they take control over their

• 4:02:18Speaker 04

  lives and start to fill that gap through a higher purpose. You have to heal yourself before anybody else can help you. It is impossible for anybody to fill that entitled victimize, that entitlement gap that you have that is leading to the victimization of yourself. It is impossible for someone else to fill it. You have to work on yourself in order for me to be able to help you. You can't call me up on the phone after you just blew through three bottles of Jack to tell me that life isn't worth it and you're fucked up. What are you doing for yourself to, as the military would say, unfuck yourself? What are you doing for yourself? How are you, how are you, um, how are you trying to take

• 4:03:03Speaker 04

  control over your life? Besides calling multiple people after you've already burnt through a bunch of booze, telling them life isn't worth it and, and, and you can't, you're no, you're never gonna amount, you know, just the, I get, I get fired up over it because it is, it's a lot, a lot of people want this solved by somebody else. I did this for you, now you do this for me. It doesn't work that way. There's the three Fs in life. If you're not feeding someone, financing them or fuck them, guess what? You aren't going to, they, they can't, they can't do anything for you. You can say until you're blue in the face,

• 4:03:47Speaker 04

  thank you for your service, or hey, man, I'm really proud of what you guys did, or anything, or hey, you know, yeah, you guys deserve what you got, whatever it is, you know, there's no amount of talk that will ever, um, that will ever fill your entitlement void. You have to do that yourself. And then once you realize that and you start to work on yourself, then you can start to actually get, you can start to appreciate and actually use the help that other people are giving you. You can use it to benefit yourself, to make yourself stronger, to help other people. And through helping other people, you find that purpose in your life.

• 4:04:32Speaker 04

  People ask me, is there a cure for PTS or PTSD? And I said, yeah, there is. It's finding something that's bigger than yourself that helps other people out in doing it. Your purpose, your purpose in life is what you're doing right here. I've been thinking about it the entire time we've been talking. God is working through you in crazy ways. Like this message, the message of, of, you know, people like me and all the other guests that you've had on here. That message is changing people's lives everywhere. You went through however many years of your life looking for who Sean Ryan is, and this is Sean Ryan. Giving people the platform to tell their stories, to come out here and shed a few tears,

• 4:05:17Speaker 04

  to get emotional, to, to show that we're all fucking humans. Regardless of what special, whatever you were, we're still human beings. Fears, anger, despair, depression, happiness, guilt, all that. We're all still human beings. And with that purpose, now all of a sudden, that entitlement void, it's, it's starting to be filled. You're not entitled to it. You're not victimized by it. You're taking control over things because you're helping other people. And to me, that's, that's what saved my life. I could have been one of the 22 a day. No. I could have easily have been one.

• 4:06:00Speaker 04

  I saw, I saw it as a viable option. That's dangerous. Well, you know what? If shit gets any worse, I know what I can do. Yeah. Yeah, that's a dangerous mindset. I could have done that. I see why guys do it. That's bad. And it's because you lack that, that purpose for your life. You operated at this level when you were here and now you're here. Who am I? I used to do this, but now you're, you're trying to, you're, you're not letting this go. You know, people need to know what I used to do. People need to understand who I was. I need, like, I need this same sort of fulfillment in my life.

• 4:06:42Speaker 04

  I'm just this right now. I need this. This is gone, brother. You can't ever get that back. You have to find your new purpose. You have to find that new, um, you know, who you are as a human being. You'll always have this, but that's not who you are. You know, I'm not Ryan Hendrickson Green Beret. I'm Ryan Hendrickson. That's it. And I've done this, and I've done this, and I've been here, but I'm working myself up here. And I come back down here, but then I build myself back up. But all of it revolves around you as a human being. You have to have that higher purpose for your life.

• 4:07:23Speaker 04

  Or else you're going to sit in, at, you're gonna sit down here wishing you were back up here, climbing and falling down that slippery slope. And you're never gonna achieve this because you don't understand that this is gone. This was a part of your life at one point in time, but this is not who you are.

• 4:07:43Shawn Ryan?

  Every single person who's up here worked their ass off to get there. Whether you, you know, even these people that have had everything handed to them their whole life, you know what I mean? That are, that appear to be up here, they're miserable. If they didn't earn their way. I mean, how am I saying this? When, when we, when you put it up here, people think of, what do they think of? They think of success, they think of athletes, the rich, athletes, people with a big following. Yeah, you know, but there's a lot of people up here that didn't earn their way up here, who are just as miserable.

• 4:08:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:08:24Shawn Ryan?

  Is all the people that are still victimizing themselves because they know damn well they didn't earn their way to the top.

• 4:08:31Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:08:31Shawn Ryan?

  They're just a chump.

• 4:08:33Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:08:33Shawn Ryan?

  That wound up there, and they don't even know what the to do now that they're there.

• 4:08:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:08:38Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and that might, I would think that's even more miserable.

• 4:08:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:08:45Shawn Ryan?

  You know what I mean? Than being down here.

• 4:08:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:08:47Shawn Ryan?

  But, but up here, what it really is, is it's, it's, it's peace. It's.

• 4:08:55Shawn Ryan?

  It's no, it's, it's what your old man said.

• 4:08:59Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 4:08:59Shawn Ryan?

  You know, that story that you told me at the, at the beginning.

• 4:09:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:09:03Shawn Ryan?

  You got two guys.

• 4:09:04Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:09:05Shawn Ryan?

  You know, sitting on a porch in a chair. And one of them didn't take any risk and just coasted through life and the other guy failed, succeeded, went through heartache, went through hard times, went through good time. He, he, he experienced life to the fullest.

• 4:09:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:09:22Shawn Ryan?

  And then you got the chump.

• 4:09:24Speaker 04

  But what the guy in the wheelchair that was fulfilled, he is also, he's been at this point before in his life. And when this point was done, he moved on to the next point that was up here. And the next point, if he stayed stuck in this point, he never would have left from down here.

• 4:09:42Shawn Ryan?

  Yep.

• 4:09:43Speaker 04

  And then the regrets of letting life pass you by and the I wish I would have's, why didn't I ever move on from seventh group? Why didn't I ever move on from September, September 12th, 2010?

• 4:09:55Speaker 04

  What if I would have just, and then go down that whole list?

• 4:09:59Shawn Ryan?

  It's sad, it's sad to see, it's sad to see it. And I wanna, I wanna say something to backtrack and then this totally unrelated, but you know, I'd mentioned, you know, there's the resentment back to the resentment that veterans feel, you know, and, and especially with the Afghan withdrawal and, and the direction that the country's going, look, I said 50% of the country didn't give a shit. Well, there's also 50% of the country that does give a shit.

• 4:10:23Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:10:24Shawn Ryan?

  And, you know, and I will say another thing, you know,

• 4:10:29Shawn Ryan?

  we're all being fed a bullshit mirage right now. There are more people that give a about where this country's headed and what, how shit has gone down over the past however many years, you know? And there are more

• 4:10:50Shawn Ryan?

  red-blooded patriotic Americans than you think there are.

• 4:10:58Shawn Ryan?

  It is the media.

• 4:11:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:11:01Shawn Ryan?

  And the corporations that are putting this mirage on that make it appear that more of the country thinks like them. That's not fucking true. You can see it in stock prices on these different corporations. You can see it in ratings on these news outlets.

• 4:11:22Speaker 04

  Target.

• 4:11:22Shawn Ryan?

  You can see it in the ratings on this show. This show hit number four not long ago. Today, we're back up to number 10 out of all podcasts.

• 4:11:31Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 4:11:32Shawn Ryan?

  Dude, we're just above 60 something episodes. We're just above 60 episodes. This shit doesn't happen.

• 4:11:40Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:11:41Shawn Ryan?

  That's how many, and it's not me, and it's not you, and it's not everybody else that's sat here. It's the fucking audience. They want to see this stuff. They want to, this is what they're into. This is lines with their values. This is lines with how they think the country should be. This is how they picture the country. And you don't hit number four out of 60 pod. We hit it at 58.

• 4:12:08Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 4:12:08Shawn Ryan?

  We had number four, 58. Now, I don't know. I think we're at 65 and we're back to number 10 again. And, you know, that's not to brag. That's to fucking give hope, man.

• 4:12:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:12:20Shawn Ryan?

  Because that is how many people are aligned with the values that we're talking about right now.

• 4:12:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree with you completely.

• 4:12:30Shawn Ryan?

  They're looking. It's just hard to find because media is corrupt, political is corrupt, corporations are corrupt.

• 4:12:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:12:39Shawn Ryan?

  And they're trying to force everybody into that agenda.

• 4:12:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:12:46Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and, and we're not having it.

• 4:12:49Speaker 04

  No, no, I, um, I agree with you completely because I watched what happened with, um, Target. Um, who, who else took, took one of the just catastrophic hits?

• 4:13:07Speaker 04

  It was Bud Light. They got smacked.

• 4:13:15Speaker 04

  And there was a car deal, I think it was Ford, maybe, or.

• 4:13:19Shawn Ryan?

  I'm not even aware of that one.

• 4:13:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was.

• 4:13:22Shawn Ryan?

  But, yeah. But it's everywhere. Everyone, you know what I mean? It just, it's, if you look, if you look through the smoke, you will see this shit is a fucking mirage.

• 4:13:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:13:34Shawn Ryan?

  It's not like that.

• 4:13:35Speaker 04

  No. Nope. And it, and it shows. That's the reason why I do know for people that are suffering, you know, with mental health and stuff like that. And they like, first of all, stop watching the news.

• 4:13:49Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 4:13:50Speaker 04

  Stop, man. It's, it's, it's propaganda. It's media propaganda. But the people that are suffering with it, I'm telling you, there, you don't need to. You can, you can, you can, you can figure out who you are. And there is tribes out here, we're a tribe mentality. There, there are so many Americans that are, that are here to help, that are here to, to help you with that purpose.

• 4:14:22Speaker 04

  But they're not going to come find you. And that's what I tell veterans all the time. You have to want to be helped.

• 4:14:29Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 4:14:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:14:31Shawn Ryan?

  I can't do it for you. You can't do them for them.

• 4:14:34Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 4:14:34Shawn Ryan?

  You know, it's, you have to want it. And

• 4:14:40Shawn Ryan?

  a lot of, I, you know, we, we talked about it today at breakfast. There's a lot of people they, they, they don't, they do not want out of that victim mentality. Cause it's easy.

• 4:14:50Speaker 04

  It's easy. It's easy. It's comfortable. And we, we promote it in our country. Look at our movies. Look at our TV shows. Everything is drama, victimization. Listen to our music. Look at what we're pumping our kids with. What you listen and watch is what you're going to become. Yeah. And we, we, we, we love the drama, the victimization, the entitlement. Look at what we're doing as a country.

• 4:15:20Speaker 04

  I mean, it's, our country is full of victims. Full of them. It's just, but we still, I believe, the majority.

• 4:15:35Speaker 04

  Are not like that.

• 4:15:37Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, man. It just like we were talking about earlier. Nobody's gonna get you out of whatever you're in. Nobody's gonna get you to the top. And even if somebody did get you to the top, nobody's gonna respect you once you get there because everybody knows it was handed to you.

• 4:15:53Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:15:53Shawn Ryan?

  Cause you're a chump.

• 4:15:54Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:15:55Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and so get off your ass. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. And start making some changes.

• 4:16:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:16:03Shawn Ryan?

  That's how you do it.

• 4:16:04Speaker 04

  100%.

• 4:16:06Shawn Ryan?

  Say it again. Get off your ass and start making some changes.

• 4:16:11Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:16:13Speaker 04

  Doors will open for you once you take control. I promise you that.

• 4:16:17Shawn Ryan?

  Yep. Yep. But well, Ryan.

• 4:16:24Shawn Ryan?

  What a great discussion, man.

• 4:16:25Speaker 04

  This has been amazing.

• 4:16:27Shawn Ryan?

  Um. I just, man, I'm just so happy that we got to meet and

• 4:16:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:16:32Shawn Ryan?

  That Kyle Morgan connected us and

• 4:16:35Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 4:16:35Shawn Ryan?

  And, uh, man, I gotta, dude, it's just it's an honor to have you sitting in that chair across from me and, and, um.

• 4:16:43Speaker 04

  It's an honor to be here.

• 4:16:45Shawn Ryan?

  I hope we stay in touch.

• 4:16:46Speaker 04

  Oh, we will.

• 4:16:47Shawn Ryan?

  I really do.

• 4:16:48Speaker 04

  We will.

• 4:16:49Shawn Ryan?

  But, um, how can people get in touch with you? How do they donate to your cause? I love what you're doing over there in Ukraine. I especially love that you're not.

• 4:16:59Shawn Ryan?

  It's gotta be hard to not pick a side. You know, when you're in the middle of a war zone, but you've picked, you've chosen the side of the innocent. And, um. I mean, it's just it's just amazing, man, what you're doing. How can, how can we donate?

• 4:17:13Speaker 04

  Uh, the landmine removal.org. Um, that's that's, uh, that's, that's our website right there. So. And, um. Yeah, we, uh, we, we buy detectors and, uh, landmine removal equipment, we bring it over. Train up Ukrainians on it and then we go out, we do mine with them for a couple of months. That's my way of vetting them to make sure that this equipment is going to continue to, you know, remove landmines out of civilian areas and then I donate it all over to them. And then I come back, fundraise again, buy more equipment, go back over, do it all over again.

• 4:17:54Shawn Ryan?

  How much is one of those landmine removal devices?

• 4:17:57Speaker 04

  So a Chea detector would be $2,400.

• 4:18:01Shawn Ryan?

  $2,400? How many mines have you?

• 4:18:06Speaker 04

  1,765. I'm not counting.

• 4:18:08Shawn Ryan?

  Holy shit.

• 4:18:09Speaker 04

  I'm not counting.

• 4:18:10Shawn Ryan?

  Did you just say 1,765? Dan, is that just you or is that the people you've trained too?

• 4:18:18Speaker 04

  No, that's, that's, that's four of us.

• 4:18:19Shawn Ryan?

  Fuck, man, that's a lot. That's a ton.

• 4:18:23Speaker 04

  You know what's bad? It's nothing.

• 4:18:26Shawn Ryan?

  Barely putting a dent in?

• 4:18:28Speaker 04

  Not even a dent. If you put in, if you put a drop in the bucket, it's the most minute drop. You didn't even put a ripple in the water. That could be one field in Ukraine.

• 4:18:42Shawn Ryan?

  Well, I don't know if I'd say that. How many kids do you think you've saved by?

• 4:18:48Speaker 04

  I hope a lot.

• 4:18:49Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, so there's definitely a ripple, man.

• 4:18:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:18:52Shawn Ryan?

  There is definitely a ripple. Maybe you didn't get all of them, but you got a lot of them in the right places.

• 4:18:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:18:58Shawn Ryan?

  And there's a lot of kids.

• 4:18:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:19:00Shawn Ryan?

  And women.

• 4:19:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 4:19:01Shawn Ryan?

  And men walking around today that wouldn't be because you're out there doing that.

• 4:19:07Speaker 04

  I hope so. Yep.

• 4:19:10Shawn Ryan?

  There's no hope, brother. There, you're doing it. That's, that's a real thing. But anyways, Ryan.