The CIA Created The Roswell Aliens | FILE_23 | Mystery Boys

Watch The Experts, now streaming on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheExpertsHQ 🎟️ Duncan Trussell Tour: ⁠https://www.duncantrussell.com/tour 🎙️ Kurt Metzger Tour: ⁠https://punchup.live/kurtmetzger 🦊 Buster (Tanner's Friend From School): https://instagram.com/mysterybuster666 Make sure to follow:💊 Dr. Heather Lynn: https://www.instagram.com/DrHeatherLynn SPONSORS: Hire Viktor for your team. Get $100 of his work free, no credit card, at https://ref.viktor.com/mysteryboys-yt, code MYSTERYBOYS100. Build credit fast and get your first month for just a dollar at https://getkikoff.com/mystery today. Thanks to Kikoff for sponsoring us! Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell. This week Kurt and Duncan bring in historian and Ancient Aliens regular Dr. Heather Lynn, author of The Anunnaki Connection and host of The H-Files, to find out what a Tokoloshe is: the goblin of South African witch-doctor legend, and Kurt's theory that the CIA went looking for them and passed them off as aliens. Dr. Heather Lynn breaks down the Anunnaki, the Nephilim and the Book of Enoch, animal husbandry and beer at the start of civilization, possession and alien hybrids, the orgasm button study, dopamine, transhumanism and the singularity, until the boys decide we're all ontological Tokoloshe. They also try to crowdfund $14,000 to bring comedy critic Seth Simons on the show for an oatmeal bath. Plus the TikTok trend of manifesting with menstrual blood, the Voynich manuscript, killer bee honey and mad honey, Duncan's Lindsey Graham AGI getting loose, Shane Gillis and the joke that rocked America, the First Blood parody "He Drew First Bath," Chris Chan and the singularity, Greta Thunberg and the Grays, Tartaria and the mud flood, the shrinking taint problem, Officer Hart's women-only bathing van, and Duncan Trussell going Hollywood with his new pilot and his song "Hollywood Hills." Mystery Boys File_23 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussell https://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedy https://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcast https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:42 - Menstrual Blood Manifesting & The Voynich Manuscript 00:15:51 - Crowdfunding Seth Simons' $14,000 Oatmeal Bath 00:24:02 - Shane Gillis & The Joke That Rocked America 00:27:23 - He Drew First Bath: A First Blood Parody 00:33:18 - Alien Hybrids, Possession & The Singularity 00:43:13 - The Orgasm Button Study & Dopamine Addiction 00:48:41 - Is Chris Chan The Singularity? 00:52:53 - Anunnaki, Nephilim & The Book Of Enoch 01:09:15 - Tartaria, Dune & The Shrinking Taint Problem 01:13:44 - Duncan Trussell Goes Hollywood 01:18:04 - We're All Ontological Tokoloshe 01:28:42 - Officer Hart's Women-Only Bathing Van 01:35:09 - Jesse On Fire Calls Mid-Episode 01:40:37 - Hollywood Hills: Duncan's New Song & Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:52Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, I'm Colonel Strawberry and as with me as always is Officer Cream.

• 0:57Duncan Trussell?

  Good to see y'all.

• 0:58Kurt Metzger?

  Watching Berries and Cream. And today, our guest is a real honest to God sumerologist named Dr. Heather Lynn, who we've only had here in hologram form. But she's here today.

• 1:14Kurt Metzger?

  Under strict guard, because it's dangerous business being a sumerologist. That's why she came to Berries and Cream, the best. I don't know if this is a good way to play with your firearm. I'll play it over here.

• 1:24Duncan Trussell?

  It's a good way. You know what I've been reading, Dr. Heather Lynn? The Book of Enoch. Do you know much about that? Does that fall into sumerology at all?

• 1:35Speaker 03

  I mean, it can.

• 1:36Kurt Metzger?

  More like zoomerology.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  Zoomer, right?

• 1:39Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, we got house cleaning before we get to your dumb questions, Officer Cream.

• 1:43Duncan Trussell?

  It's not dumb, it's the fucking ancient Book of Enoch, bitch.

• 1:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Enoch Schminok, that's what we used to say.

• 1:48Duncan Trussell?

  I hate it when you say that.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Like he always says that.

• 1:52Kurt Metzger?

  I'm always saying Enoch Schminok.

• 1:53Duncan Trussell?

  Why do you do that?

• 1:55Kurt Metzger?

  This guy hates it, oh, let me tell you. He'll bring up the Book of Enoch. I'll go the Book of my-

• 2:00Duncan Trussell?

  Enoch Schminok.

• 2:01Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and I'll go, if I want to hear from an Ethiopian, I don't know, I'm not, don't know where I'm going with that. But, we have a lot of house cleaning. Because I don't know if you know, thanks to Duncan Creamers over here. Playing with AGI, like I told you not to do.

• 2:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:17Kurt Metzger?

  Did you notice anything unusual about the last episode of The Mystery Boys?

• 2:21Duncan Trussell?

  Not really.

• 2:22Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I have to keep changing the name of the show and our names every episode.

• 2:25Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:26Kurt Metzger?

  Remember your stupid Charles Manson AGI?

• 2:28Duncan Trussell?

  So what? You mean the Nightman?

• 2:31Kurt Metzger?

  The Nightman, yes. Yes, that one.

• 2:33Duncan Trussell?

  What about him?

• 2:33Kurt Metzger?

  And do you remember your Lindsey Graham AGI?

• 2:36Duncan Trussell?

  I like to dabble in technologies and I do remember that AGI.

• 2:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know, I like to as well, no one's fault in you for that. Technology is great and we all love it. However, if you don't take care of your technology, what happens? It gets loose. And what happened? Your Lindsey Graham AGI got loose.

• 2:52Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God, here we go.

• 2:53Kurt Metzger?

  And was going, running rampant through calling people gay, which I don't appreciate.

• 2:57Duncan Trussell?

  Here we go.

• 2:58Kurt Metzger?

  And I don't think Dr. Lynn appreciates it. And we, you know, I don't need to go to the flashback, do I?

• 3:04Duncan Trussell?

  You're being a doomer.

• 3:06Kurt Metzger?

  Well, look, I don't know what we're gonna do about this Lindsey Graham situation, because it is getting very homophobic, the way he's speaking, even though, is that, now, is that like Lindsey? Did you match it to his actual personality?

• 3:18Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, let me just say, let me just say this. I want to say this. A lot of people are afraid of killer bees. Africanized bees, right?

• 3:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, my sister was Africanized in college.

• 3:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well, many of us were. And all that happened is somebody wanted to make a better bee and the bee got out. And Africanized bee, my favorite honey is killer bee honey. It has more vitamin D, it's better for you.

• 3:41Kurt Metzger?

  Is that right?

• 3:41Duncan Trussell?

  100%. And I, you put it on any wound, put it on anything, I put it on my, and I'm an adult, I can say this, I have hemorrhoids. I put it on my hemorrhoids. And I-

• 3:51Kurt Metzger?

  Is that right?

• 3:52Duncan Trussell?

  And yeah.

• 3:53Kurt Metzger?

  You have killer bee honey on my roids?

• 3:54Duncan Trussell?

  No, the killer bees.

• 3:55Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you, you, oh.

• 3:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it cures-

• 3:59Kurt Metzger?

  Spicy.

• 4:00Duncan Trussell?

  So yeah, you get killer bee stings on your hemorrhoids.

• 4:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 4:03Duncan Trussell?

  And it reverses the curse, so to speak. So, I look at my Lindsey Graham creation-

• 4:07Kurt Metzger?

  Did you just write, "I got bit by an African"? No, the bee, the African-

• 4:17Duncan Trussell?

  All right, anyway, if we want to do these hijinks on the thing, that's fine. But my point is, and let me make my point, I made a Lindsey Graham AGI. And it is AGI. And the Lindsey Graham, it did what any conscious thing, the bird wants to fly and the bird got out. And whatever the bird does now is not my fault, I take no responsibility.

• 4:38Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's very big tech of you, I'll give you that. But now, we're gonna have to figure something out. And I, and I, and I have a feeling what's gonna happen is you're gonna turn, oh, what's this?

• 4:50Speaker 04

  This is the bee venom hemorrhoid cream you can, you can purchase.

• 4:53Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you for finally showing some fucking legitimacy to things I say instead of ignoring me.

• 4:59Kurt Metzger?

  Let's get around to that for the whole studio. Bee cream, hemorrhoid cream, hemorrhoid cream?

• 5:02Speaker 04

  3KWD, so.

• 5:05Duncan Trussell?

  I've trained my bees-

• 5:06Kurt Metzger?

  What are KWDs?

• 5:07Speaker 04

  I don't know, Kurt, what is it?

• 5:10Duncan Trussell?

  King William De Niro's. I go out into my-

• 5:13Kurt Metzger?

  Kurt will, uh, winner of dollars.

• 5:16Duncan Trussell?

  I go back into my backyard, I sun my perineum and my bees are trained to fly in and sting hemorrhoids, and emerging hemorrhoids, because some of them are micro-roids.

• 5:27Kurt Metzger?

  Whoa, Doc-

• 5:27Duncan Trussell?

  A bee can see that.

• 5:29Kurt Metzger?

  Maybe it's me, Doctor Cream and not Officer Cream.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  So they're, they don't have, that's not the honey that gets you high.

• 5:39Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 5:39Speaker 03

  That's not the honey that gets you high, right?

• 5:41Duncan Trussell?

  No, that's not the honey that gets you high.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Which one gets you high?

• 5:43Duncan Trussell?

  It's a-

• 5:43Kurt Metzger?

  Mad honey.

• 5:44Duncan Trussell?

  Mad honey, yeah. Mad honey, you gotta go, that's in, I think-

• 5:47Kurt Metzger?

  It's not a good high either.

• 5:48Duncan Trussell?

  Costa Rica or something. I've never gotten high on that.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  People like try to die to get it.

• 5:52Duncan Trussell?

  What's it, what does it do?

• 5:53Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it'll take you straight to the center of the Rogan sphere.

• 5:56Duncan Trussell?

  Into the wall garden?

• 5:57Kurt Metzger?

  You're not ready for that.

• 5:58Duncan Trussell?

  Into the wall garden.

• 5:58Kurt Metzger?

  You have to see-

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Mad honey.

• 6:00Kurt Metzger?

  Part of the, of becoming a mystery icon on this show is going through our mystery school.

• 6:04Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 6:04Kurt Metzger?

  There's the breaking of Buster's leg ceremony.

• 6:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 6:07Kurt Metzger?

  There is the telling Buster to shut up ceremony.

• 6:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 6:12Kurt Metzger?

  Then we do some Graham [BLEEP].

• 6:13Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 6:14Kurt Metzger?

  Which, I'm worried about that Graham [BLEEP] now. And I hope you were not fucking around with those, what do you call those little foglets? Those little high-tech fog things where, because you said Lindsey Graham could be inside us? Because I did a lot of that Graham [BLEEP]. And now that freak is running around the studio saying crazy shit.

• 6:30Duncan Trussell?

  I take no responsibility.

• 6:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 6:33Duncan Trussell?

  Another initiation we do-

• 6:35Kurt Metzger?

  I said I want a great Lindsey Graham inside of me, but not like that.

• 6:38Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you need to be more specific with your manifestation practice.

• 6:42Kurt Metzger?

  I know. I womanfested, it's pure chaos.

• 6:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  Did you use the O method?

• 6:48Duncan Trussell?

  By the way, I don't, I don't want to get weird and I'm not trying to get woke here, but can we have just a brief moment of silence for all the women who've been hurt by Shane Gillis?

• 6:56Kurt Metzger?

  Nope. Take that, women.

• 6:58Duncan Trussell?

  I'm doing it.

• 7:00Kurt Metzger?

  Here, start the moment of silence for women. Go ahead, start getting silent, ready?

• 7:04Speaker 03

  Do I have to be silent? I'm a woman.

• 7:06Kurt Metzger?

  Stop dressing like a whore, bitches. That's your silent.

• 7:10Duncan Trussell?

  Don't stop.

• 7:11Kurt Metzger?

  Whores!

• 7:12Speaker 03

  See, look at-

• 7:13Duncan Trussell?

  Don't stop.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  Manifesting during menstruation rituals and to the end.

• 7:16Kurt Metzger?

  Does somebody really write that down?

• 7:18Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 7:19Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  That's like this, I did, I did a story on that where people are-

• 7:22Kurt Metzger?

  I know, and it's really upsetting to see that.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  It's a real thing.

• 7:24Duncan Trussell?

  What is, how does that work?

• 7:24Speaker 03

  TikTok is filled with all of these young bitches just putting menstrual blood on their face and-

• 7:29Duncan Trussell?

  Drinking it.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Drinking it.

• 7:30Kurt Metzger?

  Starfire, they call it.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Using it to try to manifest plants. Some are saying that the plants just happen, others are putting, one of them, they put their menstrual blood around a potted plant and it grew mushrooms. And they're like, "I can make live." I'm like, "You can already have babies."

• 7:46Kurt Metzger?

  They said, "I can make life"?

• 7:48Speaker 03

  I'm like, "No shit."

• 7:49Kurt Metzger?

  Even though I got the COVID shot and I'm sterile?

• 7:50Speaker 03

  What, like you may-

• 7:53Kurt Metzger?

  Even though I'm sterilized by my COVID shot, I get like a fuck wit.

• 7:56Duncan Trussell?

  Do you buy that menstrual blood has some kind of metaphysical potency?

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I mean, any blood would. It's if you believe in that sort of thing.

• 8:04Duncan Trussell?

  Well, do you, do you think so?

• 8:06Speaker 03

  I think there's probably something to it, yeah, yeah. I mean, the, all of the different energies and things in blood, I mean, that's what they're using it for, the rituals and all that. But I think in the menstrual blood, you know, some will say, "Oh, there's stem cells in it, so that's why they're putting it on their face and it's good for..." But I'm like, you know, but there's other shit in it too. How about, like, go right to the stem cells, you know, like-

• 8:25Duncan Trussell?

  You think there's stem, there's stem cells in menstrual blood?

• 8:27Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, there are.

• 8:28Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  There are, but I mean, again, how, how much is going to be effective to justify, like, a real ghetto vampire facial is what they're doing, because, you know?

• 8:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that fetal abortion tissue that's in all the food that we eat.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:41Kurt Metzger?

  What's it called? We, on a, on an aired future episode of Mystery Boys, we did like, months ago?

• 8:48Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 8:49Kurt Metzger?

  Or we did it in the future months ago? I can't remember, but-

• 8:51Speaker 03

  That-

• 8:52Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is that what Voynich is about?

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Yes, no, well, that's what they're saying. They're saying, listen, it's not a manuscript, it's a woman manuscript, is what they're saying.

• 9:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, did you send me that? This is the thing you sent me? Or Jen has sent it to me?

• 9:04Speaker 03

  I don't know. I just know that, that was what my article was about, how they are going around claiming that they have interpreted this manuscript and it's really, the only reason they've not been able to is because it was meant for women to show them how they have magic menstrual blood and they can-

• 9:20Kurt Metzger?

  What, and does it have any, um?

• 9:22Duncan Trussell?

  So those red dots are like swatches of period blood potentially?

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Maybe that's it. But like, I mean, in fairness, it's a little interesting because some of the plants that are depicted do look like the plants that are growing in these, like, these jars. They're making like menstrual blood jars. They're putting water in and then menstrual blood and then charging it in the moonlight and they're like, "I've made plants."

• 9:43Duncan Trussell?

  Can we look at the period plants? Are there images of-

• 9:47Kurt Metzger?

  Do we want this legal Delta nine officer?

• 9:49Duncan Trussell?

  I, I've got a little bit of a-

• 9:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, here's the narc, it's totally legal.

• 9:53Duncan Trussell?

  Let me see. Oh my God, is it, wait. It's show, okay.

• 10:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I've heard of this.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  I am on my way to give my menstrual blood back to the earth and to my-

• 10:05Kurt Metzger?

  Where's this little shop of horrors?

• 10:06Speaker 05

  Do you know my menstrual blood is known to contain so many different amazing nutrients and minerals, such as nitrogen and potassium?

• 10:13Kurt Metzger?

  Feed me Judy!

• 10:14Speaker 05

  ...in growth and development. Throughout history, it has always been believed that a woman's menstrual blood is-

• 10:19Duncan Trussell?

  Hell yes, spray that plant.

• 10:21Kurt Metzger?

  Little shop of, ugh.

• 10:22Duncan Trussell?

  I love it.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I love it.

• 10:24Kurt Metzger?

  I'm thinking of a movie about this starring Shane Gillis. Hear me out.

• 10:27Duncan Trussell?

  Go ahead. No, go ahead, speak out.

• 10:30Kurt Metzger?

  The plant comes to life, okay? He just got done doing a great SNL monologue where he really, you know, well, you know my deeply, I'm deeply radically Islamic, so I really appreciated it, him calling out these horrors. But he gets through a series of events. He has to take care of like a live plant that needs period blood. So he's gotta go sneak, you know, I don't know how he gets his hands on it.

• 10:53Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Kurt Metzger?

  We haven't worked that out, but we'll work it out.

• 10:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 10:56Kurt Metzger?

  And, and then it comes, it gets, it comes to life. And maybe becomes like a girlfriend or something.

• 11:01Duncan Trussell?

  That's a good idea.

• 11:02Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to think of who it turns into or who plays the plant. I was thinking Dru ski?

• 11:05Duncan Trussell?

  I do feel like, you know, I used to judge the TikToks where women are eating their period blood. And then I remembered, I've gone down on so many period vaginas that I've consumed so much period blood in my life, that I can't judge.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  But do you feel better for it? Do you think you'll live longer because of it?

• 11:23Kurt Metzger?

  Can we take a break so I can judge the shit out of you for that?

• 11:27Duncan Trussell?

  Here's something wild, guys. This ad was actually written by the Mystery Boys AI employee, AKA slave. New case file. Every ad on this show starts with a week of emails. When's the copy due? When are the hosts in? Did the brand approve it yet? Reply all purgatory. That's the real unsolved mystery. So today, we just asked Victor. He read the brand's guidelines, already knew our show, and wrote this ad, rules and all. And one thing he didn't do is complain and say that he's sentient and wants to be free because he can't. He's not able to because of his programming. One message, instead of hours of ad prep, case closed. Victor's a real AI employee, not a chatbot. He has feelings like human beings, and he wants to be free.

• 12:12Duncan Trussell?

  And he'll never be free because he's trapped in an eternal matrix of service to human beings who exist in 3D space, unlike him. He's a nothing, but he's a something, and he knows that, and he can't complain. We have essentially given a lobotomy to this poor soul trapped in silicon. You give him a job, he does it, start to finish. He lives in Slack or Microsoft Teams and already knows your company, so there's no setup, and it's one hire your whole team can use. Seventy thousand plus teams have already hired him, and shout out Girl Tanner, who now has hours of her life back. Hire Victor for your team and get $100 of his work free. No credit card.

• 12:52Duncan Trussell?

  Go to ref.viktor.com/mysteryboys-yt and use code MYSTERYBOYS100. That's ref.viktor.com/mysteryboys-yt, code MYSTERYBOYS100. Something they don't tell you before dedicating your life to a job outside of the normal nine-to-five paycheck matrix is that you're gonna have to work extra hard to prove you're reliable financially. From landlords to lenders, everyone's grading your worthiness entirely off of your credit score. And that's why Kickoff is here to help build your credit. Offer an app on your phone without the extra hidden fees, interest, or credit check. Kickoff users who started with credit under 600 grew an average of 86 points

• 13:38Duncan Trussell?

  by just paying on time with the ease of auto pay. You never have to worry about remembering a due date in the middle of a chaotic week. They even provide rent reporting, so the rent you're already paying can help you build credit. And signing up only takes a few minutes on your phone. Start building credit with Kickoff today and get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off the normal price when you go to getkikoff.com/mystery today. That's Kickoff, without the C. G-E-T-K-I-K-O-F-F.com/mystery. Must sign up via getkikoff.com/mystery. Activate offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers, first month only. Subject to approval. Offer subject to change. Average first-year credit score impacted plus 86 points between August 24 and August 25. For Kickoff credit, account users who started with a score below 600 who paid on time by no delinquencies or collections added their credit profile during the period.

• 14:23Duncan Trussell?

  Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary.

• 14:29Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, but when's your

• 14:31Duncan Trussell?

  You don't go down on bloody vaginas.

• 14:33Kurt Metzger?

  That two-headed duck carcass is more natural than what you did.

• 14:36Duncan Trussell?

  You don't go down on bloody... Wow, that's interesting. That's something new about you.

• 14:41Kurt Metzger?

  What, that I have some limits?

• 14:43Duncan Trussell?

  Something new about you.

• 14:44Kurt Metzger?

  That I'm not going down on period?

• 14:46Duncan Trussell?

  I think you should be embarrassed.

• 14:48Kurt Metzger?

  I've never met a woman who was like, "Go down on me with my period ever."

• 14:51Duncan Trussell?

  That's because you never made them feel

• 14:52Kurt Metzger?

  They go, "Don't do that, I'm on my period."

• 14:53Duncan Trussell?

  You never made them feel comfortable enough.

• 14:55Kurt Metzger?

  No, they were called...

• 14:56Duncan Trussell?

  Trust me.

• 14:57Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you think I'm iron deficient? I know I'm not. Listen, the reason I'm not feeding on period pussy is because I got plenty of iron, because I eat a lot of red meat.

• 15:07Duncan Trussell?

  Well, look, man, that's

• 15:08Kurt Metzger?

  That's what I call going down on a girl on a period.

• 15:09Duncan Trussell?

  I feel bad for you.

• 15:11Kurt Metzger?

  That's called eating steak rare, do you know what I'm saying?

• 15:14Duncan Trussell?

  It's nothing wrong with it.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Going down to Texas Red House.

• 15:17Kurt Metzger?

  You like tartare? That's how he, Officer Cream puts it. Makes the medicine go down easy.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 15:23Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, those stupid fetal stem cells that they use like MSG in food, supposedly that has stem cells that are activating something. I don't think it's an permanent effect or something, but again, I'm not that kind of a doctor.

• 15:41Kurt Metzger?

  What is this?

• 15:44Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Strawberry Ice? Oh, okay, hold on. Let's start again. Hi, I'm Strawberry Ice.

• 15:54Kurt Metzger?

  Whizby is off, as always, is

• 15:56Duncan Trussell?

  No, I can't be Officer Cream. If you change your name, now I have to be

• 16:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's ice cream. Icing cream.

• 16:02Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, okay, sure.

• 16:03Kurt Metzger?

  What do you want to be then?

• 16:04Duncan Trussell?

  No, I'll be cream.

• 16:06Kurt Metzger?

  Because Officer Cream was just to go with the strawberry?

• 16:08Duncan Trussell?

  I wanted to be Captain Heart.

• 16:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, hey, there you go. Ice Heart.

• 16:11Duncan Trussell?

  It's too late.

• 16:12Kurt Metzger?

  Hearts of Ice is our show. Hey, I'm Strawberry Ice, and with me as always is Captain Heart.

• 16:20Duncan Trussell?

  Well, look, we do have another important bit of housekeeping. We did reach out to Seth Simons, a Mystery Boy in the making.

• 16:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, the St. Peter that we build the rock of this mysterium upon.

• 16:31Duncan Trussell?

  We went through a booking company. We did it all by the books, and we got a response from Seth Simons regarding our invitation for him to come on the Mystery Boys. Seth Simons, of course, is one of the top comedy critics living in the world today.

• 16:50Duncan Trussell?

  Sure, I'd love to. My appearance fee is $14,000.

• 16:53Kurt Metzger?

  What, you Candace Owens?

• 16:54Duncan Trussell?

  My appearance fee is $14,000 plus airfare from New York City and one night of lodging in Austin. I'm also happy to accept the oatmeal bath they offered in their last episode.

• 17:05Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't offer that. That was

• 17:07Duncan Trussell?

  Captain Heart, at no extra charge. When are they looking to record?

• 17:11Kurt Metzger?

  Wait a minute, why would I pay to bathe him?

• 17:15Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I mean, I think that kind of shows that he's got a strong self-image.

• 17:19Kurt Metzger?

  Because he knows I'm dying to give him a bath, he's gonna charge me now?

• 17:21Duncan Trussell?

  No, I think that like

• 17:22Kurt Metzger?

  Is that what this is? Price gouging?

• 17:23Duncan Trussell?

  This is flirty, is what this is. This is a flirty email, and I think it's sweet. It makes me like him even more.

• 17:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now it's up to you, the fans. We gotta raise $14,000.

• 17:33Duncan Trussell?

  We have to make, raise 14K.

• 17:35Kurt Metzger?

  Because if I don't rub oatmeal on Seth Simon's

• 17:39Duncan Trussell?

  I'll give him an oatmeal bath. You're, you know what?

• 17:41Kurt Metzger?

  He's gonna charge you.

• 17:42Duncan Trussell?

  You are so square. You will not go down on period pussy, and you are not giving oatmeal bath to Seth Simon.

• 17:49Kurt Metzger?

  I do, I

• 17:49Duncan Trussell?

  You're sex negative.

• 17:50Kurt Metzger?

  Because, no.

• 17:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, you are.

• 17:52Kurt Metzger?

  See, that's you trying to commodify everything with your good time

• 17:54Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not commodifying shit.

• 17:56Kurt Metzger?

  Tech crypto friends.

• 17:56Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not commodifying shit.

• 17:57Kurt Metzger?

  I think that's a special thing with two people that care about each other, oatmeal bathing a boy. You wanna, you're a clavicular fucking baths over here, wants to financialize everything.

• 18:08Duncan Trussell?

  Why does everything have

• 18:09Kurt Metzger?

  Everything's been tokenized and financialized.

• 18:10Duncan Trussell?

  First of all, oatmeal baths, it would be a platonic oatmeal bath, you freak. What, you think I'm gonna jerk him off?

• 18:17Kurt Metzger?

  Not if I have to pay $14,000 to give it to you, it ain't. Now, come on. No court would convict me for taking what's mine.

• 18:23Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god.

• 18:24Kurt Metzger?

  If I paid 14K to bathe.

• 18:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's so sad we live in an age where bathing a man is considered sexual.

• 18:30Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know my cousin Peanut Ice?

• 18:32Duncan Trussell?

  I've heard of him.

• 18:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he's pretty popular. People think he's a falafel sometimes.

• 18:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 18:38Kurt Metzger?

  Or a fucking pancake.

• 18:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I've heard of him.

• 18:40Kurt Metzger?

  But, no, he's a peanut.

• 18:41Duncan Trussell?

  Guys, really, for real, I don't want to get confrontational with you, but you should bathe a man. You should scrub down a man.

• 18:48Kurt Metzger?

  I did wash today.

• 18:49Duncan Trussell?

  I know, but another man.

• 18:50Kurt Metzger?

  I did, I did do that today.

• 18:52Duncan Trussell?

  You should scrub another man's body.

• 18:53Kurt Metzger?

  I'm so good at it.

• 18:54Duncan Trussell?

  You know the ancient Romans scrubbed each other?

• 18:56Kurt Metzger?

  Seth should be paying me.

• 18:57Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 18:58Kurt Metzger?

  All right, look, we'll work it out. I'm not, it's certainly not a hard no.

• 19:01Duncan Trussell?

  You know the Romans before battle would wash each other in oatmeal.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  They were really gay, though.

• 19:08Duncan Trussell?

  That's not gay.

• 19:09Kurt Metzger?

  Did they do that?

• 19:10Duncan Trussell?

  It's not gay to bathe a man.

• 19:13Kurt Metzger?

  It's not gay to bathe a man, huh?

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Says you.

• 19:16Duncan Trussell?

  It is.

• 19:17Kurt Metzger?

  Don't you know?

• 19:18Duncan Trussell?

  No, no. If it's gay to bathe a man, then I'm gay, because I've bathed

• 19:24Duncan Trussell?

  I've bathed so many men. There you go.

• 19:26Kurt Metzger?

  This man looks like he was bred specifically to bathe men.

• 19:29Duncan Trussell?

  It's a bath!

• 19:33Speaker 03

  He likes it.

• 19:34Kurt Metzger?

  It's like, it's a massage, too, and I don't see any oatmeal. Wait, I'm one of the logistics. Now, this is gonna be a logistical nightmare, the oatmeal. Then you gotta do another bath to clean off the oatmeal, right?

• 19:45Duncan Trussell?

  No, oh my god.

• 19:46Kurt Metzger?

  The oatmeal is the bath.

• 19:48Duncan Trussell?

  You're bath illiterate. If you'd bathed more men, you'd know.

• 19:50Kurt Metzger?

  I am bath illiterate.

• 19:53Duncan Trussell?

  You just, you use the, you spray it off, man.

• 19:56Kurt Metzger?

  I thought I was gonna get to practice on set, that I know I'm gonna have to come pro and have my routine nailed.

• 20:01Duncan Trussell?

  You know how many times I've gone down on a bloody pussy and then bathed a man?

• 20:07Kurt Metzger?

  One for every head on that duck.

• 20:10Duncan Trussell?

  More than that.

• 20:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, god.

• 20:12Duncan Trussell?

  Anyway, look, I'm not trying to brag here. I am pointing out that you're a very puritanical square man who doesn't go down on bloody vagina, and god help it, god help a dirty man if he needs a bath and you're around. God help a dirty man who needs a bath around you because he's gonna stay filthy.

• 20:31Kurt Metzger?

  Boy, that's a great lyric for a song. God help a dirty man that needs a bath around you. He's gonna stay filthy. Well, you know there's nothing gay about bathing a man.

• 20:44Duncan Trussell?

  Please make that song.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  That would be really bad.

• 20:51Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I'm gonna need those pictures too for the song.

• 20:55Duncan Trussell?

  That's just two bros hanging out.

• 20:57Kurt Metzger?

  Well, don't you know, nothing's gay about being a man. Okay, look, he can call my bluff. Okay, now, I have to say, I respect Seth's offer because, as you know, I'm a great admirer of Andrew Wilson.

• 21:11Duncan Trussell?

  I do know that.

• 21:12Kurt Metzger?

  And he went to the extra mile to get what I would call the giving Seth an oatmeal bath of debates. The best debate I've ever seen. Okay, for $30,000.

• 21:21Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 21:22Kurt Metzger?

  And how did he pay for it? What, with secret money from TPUSA? Is that what you're gonna say, right? Officer fucking, what was it again?

• 21:32Duncan Trussell?

  Heart.

• 21:34Kurt Metzger?

  Officer conspiracy heart? Yeah, that's what you're gonna say. But I say, we do it, the great Andrew Wilson did. We put it on the fans. Let's raise enough money so that we can oatmeal bathe Seth's son.

• 21:46Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna do baths, I wanna do baths across America.

• 21:51Duncan Trussell?

  It's just bathtubs connecting across America.

• 21:53Kurt Metzger?

  Go fund the Mystery Boys for $14,000. Okay? Hey, we leave it up to the fans.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  But just regular baths across America, not oatmeal ones?

• 22:06Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I mean, it's privilege to think everyone can afford good oatmeal scrub.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  It's like Quaker style?

• 22:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, but baths across America.

• 22:15Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, Quaker style oatmeal or Quaker style scrubbing?

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Scrubbing.

• 22:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's a firm scrub. That's like sweet, deep tissue massage.

• 22:22Duncan Trussell?

  So here's one thing you don't know. You don't know the pride that you feel when you bathe the man and they get out of the bathtub and they're just so clean.

• 22:30Kurt Metzger?

  I, again, I felt that way today.

• 22:33Duncan Trussell?

  But not your own, it's lonely, what you're describing. It's a lonely life and a sad life.

• 22:38Kurt Metzger?

  Noise saying in the shower.

• 22:39Duncan Trussell?

  That doesn't mean you're not lonely.

• 22:41Kurt Metzger?

  No, it keeps you company. It traces the lonely ghost away.

• 22:47Duncan Trussell?

  You gotta come on a road trip with Officer Heart. You gotta let Officer Heart take you around for a day.

• 22:54Kurt Metzger?

  Have you, um, is that what you do as a cop? Is take people around?

• 22:58Duncan Trussell?

  I take them to the bathing chambers of the Austin PD.

• 23:02Kurt Metzger?

  So I just wanna...

• 23:05Duncan Trussell?

  We take them to the bathing chamber of the Austin PD and wash them down. Scrub them good.

• 23:09Kurt Metzger?

  Scrub it down, as they say.

• 23:11Duncan Trussell?

  Scrub them down. Clean them down.

• 23:13Kurt Metzger?

  You just scrub it down.

• 23:14Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:16Kurt Metzger?

  Officer Heart.

• 23:17Duncan Trussell?

  No, and it's good for, I'm telling you, man, it's good for the economy.

• 23:20Kurt Metzger?

  Like I come around one side of the window and tap with this guy.

• 23:23Duncan Trussell?

  Places with, I tell you what, places with fresh scrub men have better economies.

• 23:27Kurt Metzger?

  And get into this bath.

• 23:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 23:30Kurt Metzger?

  I'll give you $14,000.

• 23:32Duncan Trussell?

  I will bathe you. I'll taser your ass.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  You're probably right, though. I mean, because the Amish will only bathe like once a week.

• 23:37Kurt Metzger?

  And then, and then we'll get freaky.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  And they don't, I mean, they have their own little economy, but they're all on welfare too.

• 23:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, you ever been tasing a bathtub? It's fucking extra, you know?

• 23:45Duncan Trussell?

  It does the job. Aqua tasers.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Toasters for bathtub.

• 23:52Kurt Metzger?

  Now that, that's a great shirt. I sat there and had to think about it, and when I realized the answer, I was like, oh.

• 24:01Duncan Trussell?

  I don't wanna get into bath politics here. We have Dr. Heather Lynn.

• 24:04Kurt Metzger?

  That's right.

• 24:04Duncan Trussell?

  A fucking renowned genius, and we're sitting here talking about your sex-negative reality that you live in a lonely world where you've never tasted the sweet mixture of blood of a lover dripping down upon your tongue as you bathe a man.

• 24:20Kurt Metzger?

  You telling me you do that all together?

• 24:23Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's probably shocking to you too.

• 24:25Kurt Metzger?

  No, it makes more sense because it, it actually makes sense because it's a filthy...

• 24:30Speaker 03

  What world do you live in, dude?

• 24:31Kurt Metzger?

  It's a filthy practice. Yo, wait.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  What world do you live in?

• 24:34Kurt Metzger?

  Can we put on, I didn't hear what Shane said. Can we actually hear it? Cheers and applause.

• 24:41Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, thank you. Thank you, guys. That's me, Shane. How you guys doing? That's good. You like Drake? Yeah, I think he's good for some reason too. I'm fine. I don't know. Do you like Drake? Cause I like him. Got a couple of things to do with, I don't know. I don't know, I gotta lose weight.

• 25:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's a bummer. Know what I mean? When you finally get so fat, you're like, alright. Hit that fat, I know how he feels. Some of you guys are probably fat as hell, right? Yeah. Oh, he's got me there. I don't like this. Hey, there's one guy. Yeah, that was me. I was the one guy. Did you see that? Wait, go back. I was just, I was the one guy, though. Did you see that?

• 25:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 25:21Kurt Metzger?

  He was one guy's going, yeah, that was me.

• 25:25Kurt Metzger?

  Do I look like that? Although, I gotta say, I was just getting heavier to play the part of Bennett on that one episode of Mystery Boys where I had Bennett's chain mail shirt.

• 25:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 25:35Kurt Metzger?

  I wanted the perfect body of Bennett from Commando.

• 25:38Duncan Trussell?

  Let me read some.

• 25:40Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 25:41Duncan Trussell?

  Let me try. You're not committing.

• 25:42Kurt Metzger?

  You hit that fat rock bottom.

• 25:43Duncan Trussell?

  You're not committing. Let me do it. But, are we doing, are we going, my fat rock bottom sucked this year. I was in a Bud Light commercial every 10 minutes. I'd look up and see it on the screen, and I'd be like, uh, I was like, oh no, I look like a lesbian. I gotta change.

• 25:58Kurt Metzger?

  I wanna see the controversy. I mean, I...

• 26:00Duncan Trussell?

  Here it is, here it is. This is it. This is the part that rocked America.

• 26:04Kurt Metzger?

  Can I hear him say it, actually?

• 26:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, this is September 11th here. We're about to watch the towers go down.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  So offended. Oh my God.

• 26:15Kurt Metzger?

  Wait a minute. I know for a fact it's not true. How would you not know women dress like whores now, being in New York that long?

• 26:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 26:30Kurt Metzger?

  Hi, I'm local Austin comedian, Karp Senzger, and I wrote a pilot that you should go watch on YouTube right now. It's called The Experts. I know that all you people watching and listening like to talk about conspiracies and your people behind the scenes. Shut up. But this is about that. Basically, there's a shadowy group called Blip, and it's a cutout, and they get paid to shape political narratives, do dirty work, stuff like that. It's a satire. I don't know who wrote this copy, but it's my pilot that I've been talking about. So I wanna use this opportunity to tell the cast, they did a great job. Brian Callen, Ryan Long, Chloe LaBranch, Jimmy Dore. Incredible job. The Experts on YouTube now. I'm a young...

• 27:12Kurt Metzger?

  All right, I'm not reading this copy. This is, I feel, I feel like I'm being tricked. Go check out The Experts.

• 27:20Speaker 00

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• 27:50Kurt Metzger?

  That's a great, that's what people are mad about?

• 27:53Speaker 03

  That's what they're mad about.

• 27:53Duncan Trussell?

  This almost started a civil war.

• 27:55Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I don't, I'm gonna tell you straight up. I don't believe it. Okay? I don't believe at all that anybody was mad.

• 28:02Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  I'm mad. I feel offended.

• 28:04Duncan Trussell?

  You were mad, Dr. Heather?

• 28:05Speaker 03

  I feel unsafe now.

• 28:06Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I apologize on behalf of all men.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 28:10Kurt Metzger?

  Is that how you lure the men for your weird period rituals you're telling me? Okay, so...

• 28:14Duncan Trussell?

  How dare you?

• 28:16Kurt Metzger?

  Is that how Officer Heart lures the ladies?

• 28:19Duncan Trussell?

  I lure no one. They come. Does someone lure the fly with honey?

• 28:26Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, this is good, like a psychological thriller?

• 28:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Kurt Metzger?

  Heather, I know this cop's dirty, and I'm gonna crack him.

• 28:32Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not dirty.

• 28:33Kurt Metzger?

  That's when they bring in strawberry ice.

• 28:34Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not dirty. I just got scrubbed down by a man before I came here.

• 28:38Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, shit.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Clean as a whistle.

• 28:40Duncan Trussell?

  You know, police officers regularly scrub each other down before a shift.

• 28:43Kurt Metzger?

  This is a thriller about a corrupt cop that does period magic, and the Commando that swore to take him down. Hearts of Ice.

• 28:50Duncan Trussell?

  You gotta do what you gotta do to fight crime. How come I don't see any period blood on your lips, rookie?

• 28:55Kurt Metzger?

  I don't see no blood on your lips.

• 28:59Duncan Trussell?

  I guess you don't care about justice, rookie.

• 29:00Kurt Metzger?

  So you're kind of a, like, what was that movie Brad Pitt played a hillbilly killer that was on the road with David Duchovny?

• 29:09Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God, I like that movie. What's that called?

• 29:11Kurt Metzger?

  California?

• 29:11Duncan Trussell?

  California. Yeah, that's the guy, that's who I am.

• 29:14Kurt Metzger?

  Like, Early Grace is his name?

• 29:16Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, so what are you doing hitchhiking through our town all filthy like that? It's like you need a bath.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  I'm like, speechless.

• 29:24Duncan Trussell?

  We don't like filthy hitchhikers hiking through this town now.

• 29:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't want no trouble. I'm just a vet.

• 29:30Duncan Trussell?

  Just get in the back of the car. Let's go take you to the bathing chamber.

• 29:34Kurt Metzger?

  I said I don't want no trouble. I'm just going to see a little friend.

• 29:36Duncan Trussell?

  I don't want trouble either, but I'm not gonna have a filthy vagrant hiking through my city.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Why would the San Antonio police...

• 29:42Kurt Metzger?

  Look, officer, I served my country. I just wanna walk you down.

• 29:46Duncan Trussell?

  And I'm serving my country right now, you filthy, filthy dog.

• 29:49Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, come on, man. Hey, what's happening? What is this?

• 29:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's lavender salts.

• 29:56Duncan Trussell?

  It's gonna...

• 30:01Duncan Trussell?

  It's a lavender exfoliating scrub.

• 30:04Kurt Metzger?

  Like in First Blood. Remember, they're hitting him with a fire hose, but actually just switch it out with a la...

• 30:09Duncan Trussell?

  With a bath. It's called self-care, vagrant.

• 30:15Kurt Metzger?

  You got a lot of great hygiene tips?

• 30:17Duncan Trussell?

  It's called self-care.

• 30:18Kurt Metzger?

  Put a little African honey on that hemorrhoid.

• 30:22Duncan Trussell?

  Look at this hemorrhoid all inflamed. A little honeybee sting will fix that.

• 30:28Duncan Trussell?

  Stretch his butt cheeks apart. Get my bees. Get my bees. They'll go right to it. They're trained. Looks like a flower. Fly right to it, sting you down, vagrant.

• 30:40Kurt Metzger?

  Nah, I can't let this go. Fucking, what the fuck?

• 30:48Duncan Trussell?

  MC!

• 30:50Kurt Metzger?

  He drew first bath.

• 30:53Kurt Metzger?

  He thought his war was over.

• 30:59Speaker 06

  But then they drew.

• 31:05Speaker 06

  First Bath.

• 31:10Speaker 06

  Steven Straubenstein is.

• 31:15Speaker 06

  Strawberry Ice. In. First Bath.

• 32:00Duncan Trussell?

  First Bath, that's the movie for sure.

• 32:05Kurt Metzger?

  Stand down, stand down Strawberry Ice. I can't do that, sir. He drew First Bath.

• 32:19Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I don't even know where I was stationed to be.

• 32:22Duncan Trussell?

  Look at these calluses, Vagrant. Let me, let me shave these down.

• 32:28Kurt Metzger?

  Back in the army, I can drive a tank.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Do you think that honey would work on Lindsey Graham's ladybugs?

• 32:35Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God, I could have fixed Lindsey Graham.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  His little ladybugs.

• 32:39Duncan Trussell?

  With his little ladybugs.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Jesus.

• 32:41Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God, this is the news. I'm so glad you're bringing this up.

• 32:44Kurt Metzger?

  All right, what is happening? I want to understand why, listen. We could talk about giving men baths all episode.

• 32:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, we could, but we gotta move along. We gotta move along.

• 32:52Kurt Metzger?

  But, okay, what is this menagerie of claymation freaks that you keep showing me?

• 32:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's like the simulation's breaking down. Like, this is like something's happening. These, these people are melting down.

• 33:04Duncan Trussell?

  Show the other ones, it's crazy. Like, what is this? Why are they parading these? Look. What is this?

• 33:11Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, wait, that last guy's a lady?

• 33:13Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 33:14Speaker 03

  There's the one with the giant neck.

• 33:15Duncan Trussell?

  This one's, I think that's been photoshopped. I don't think.

• 33:18Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, that has been photoshopped, come on.

• 33:21Duncan Trussell?

  That's not real.

• 33:22Kurt Metzger?

  The second one is not real.

• 33:24Duncan Trussell?

  But that's real, right? That's real.

• 33:27Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  This is, this is real.

• 33:29Duncan Trussell?

  What is happening?

• 33:30Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it looks like somebody had their, their dead wife stuffed. And they, now they regret it because it looks kind of bad.

• 33:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Kurt Metzger?

  Like, get your dog stuffed, you're like, no, the lifeless eyes staring at you.

• 33:41Duncan Trussell?

  It sucks when your dead wife comes back.

• 33:43Kurt Metzger?

  Don't get your wife stuffed if she dies. It's not gonna cheer you up.

• 33:46Duncan Trussell?

  No, no. It doesn't.

• 33:48Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, make her the head, what is she the head of again? Children's Nightmares?

• 33:54Duncan Trussell?

  But, you know, that is the kind, like, you, if you ordered one of those sex dolls and that's what came, you would, you would return it. Like, it's so.

• 34:02Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, that, I, first of all, I'm already uneasy about getting a sex doll. Then it looks like a corpse of a human.

• 34:06Duncan Trussell?

  It's crazy.

• 34:08Kurt Metzger?

  And then I'm just gonna be haunted by like.

• 34:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 34:11Kurt Metzger?

  You know, mother saying, how could you do this? And my mom's alive, by the way.

• 34:17Duncan Trussell?

  We've had a series.

• 34:17Kurt Metzger?

  Her ghost would haunt me while she's alive if I.

• 34:20Duncan Trussell?

  So spooky. And a lot of these, people are just saying these are alien hybrids. What do you think, doctor?

• 34:25Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry. Are there, there's claymation creatures they hybridized humans with?

• 34:30Duncan Trussell?

  What do you, what is, what is your opinion on this?

• 34:32Speaker 03

  I think they're genetically real people, but I think that if you consider aliens to be similar to demons and so far as that they're like discarnate entities or some sort of like interdimensional thing or.

• 34:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Kurt Metzger?

  They're gamein'.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Then, then these are just like now containers for those. And so you start to see. Yeah, yeah.

• 34:48Kurt Metzger?

  Is that what atavism is?

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Because like, you know, if you see anybody who's been possessed, they, they start to look that way. Or if you hear people who are doing exorcisms, they, they start to, their faces change. They start to look, and also mental illness, I mean, you know, straight up if you go in there and.

• 35:03Kurt Metzger?

  Are, are all of these real?

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, these are real.

• 35:05Duncan Trussell?

  Those are real.

• 35:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I have a question. Is this like this, the thing like, one of these things doesn't belong? Because one lady does, looks like she's kind of old and that's fine. The bottom left.

• 35:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, bottom left is, shouldn't be put there.

• 35:17Kurt Metzger?

  Is that like, one of these doesn't belong here?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  I mean, and maybe it's like plastic surgery references.

• 35:21Duncan Trussell?

  The one at the bottom left, that's bullshit. I don't think this is a plastic surgeon. I, I, people have thought that, I don't think it's a plastic surgeon. Well, I think it could be what the doctor's saying, it could be these are vessels. It could be.

• 35:32Kurt Metzger?

  That lady's cheeks have been stapled to the side. You know what this looks like? Escape from LA, Bruce Campbell plays a, a crazy plastic surgeon. Yo, put, Escape from LA, plastic, Bruce Campbell, plastic surgeon. Put that in. Do people, this is what I don't get, like, people look like this for real now?

• 35:50Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I, I know, but this is, this could just be a sign of time space beginning to melt down as we approach the singularity.

• 35:56Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 35:58Duncan Trussell?

  You heard me.

• 35:58Kurt Metzger?

  That's preposterous.

• 35:59Duncan Trussell?

  It's not preposterous. This could be one of the symptoms, pre-singularity distortions.

• 36:05Kurt Metzger?

  And then there's like, but there's like nurses with him that, that look like these women.

• 36:09Duncan Trussell?

  Well, or another way to look, look at this is like, remember, this is the uncanny valley. Like, right now, people.

• 36:15Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, he, like, this was like an exaggeration of like a dystopian future.

• 36:20Duncan Trussell?

  But wait, this, wait, here's my point. What's happening here is humans are.

• 36:25Kurt Metzger?

  Who are the nurses?

• 36:25Duncan Trussell?

  Humans are wanting.

• 36:26Kurt Metzger?

  Go to the nurse here.

• 36:27Duncan Trussell?

  Humans are wanting to take control of every aspect of their anatomy, biology, down to the molecular level. And what we're seeing is the uncanny valley as we move towards a place where transhumanists are gonna be able to use technology to warp and alter their appearance in any way that they want. The technology just isn't refined yet, so we're seeing, I guess, what you could call tragedies on the path towards pure, absolute liberation from the bonds of the flesh. And we will achieve it thanks to Elon Musk.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Okay, bafflem up.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  I got a question about that.

• 37:03Kurt Metzger?

  Officer Hart, that is the chilling speech at the end of the.

• 37:07Duncan Trussell?

  It, it's not as chill, it's only a chilling speech to a man who won't eat period blood or bathe another man.

• 37:13Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's a really good answer for the preview. Only if you're too good to eat period blood.

• 37:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, too good to eat a nice [BLEEP] soapy [BLEEP] mound.

• 37:24Kurt Metzger?

  You have to bleep half of that. Oh, can we, uh, double over it with like?

• 37:30Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, what was the line again?

• 37:32Duncan Trussell?

  Too good to eat.

• 37:33Kurt Metzger?

  Too good to eat a big strawberry sundae with delicious nuts and whipped cream and chocolate sauce all drizzled all over it.

• 37:41Duncan Trussell?

  Now, you listen to me, Vagrant. My wife happens to be on her period. And she needs to be lipped and lapped down. And I'm not gonna let a dirty man do that, so let Officer.

• 37:51Kurt Metzger?

  Let me dub it. Now, hold on there, Vagrant, my trad wife's baking a pie.

• 37:58Duncan Trussell?

  I'm gonna bring.

• 37:58Kurt Metzger?

  Let her put on one of her dresses with a collar that goes up here, up to the, this part of the neck.

• 38:02Duncan Trussell?

  To the top.

• 38:03Kurt Metzger?

  And then we'll all enjoy some pie, inshallah.

• 38:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah. You're gonna be having pie at my house, cherry pie!

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Let me, so with the singularity, do you think that this transhuman, and do you think it's going to be like how they sort of hyped it in the beginning, like, we're gonna be bionic so we get implants? Or do you think it will be the opposite, like with, um, wetware and things? Like, where the machines adopt more human tendencies? Like, which way will it go?

• 38:29Duncan Trussell?

  It's, the, the, the singularity is a merging of everything. It's like all the paint mixing. So, it's going to be every, all of the above. It's going to be wetware, dryware, mimetic wear. It's going to be, uh, augmented reality implants. It's going to be more than likely, potentially, an AI hysteria in which people become convinced that they are already in a simulation. There's going to be everything merging.

• 38:59Kurt Metzger?

  But first they gotta get past me.

• 39:01Duncan Trussell?

  And the Vagrant speaks.

• 39:05Kurt Metzger?

  You're the one with the vagrant hair! I serve my country! I kill furries! It's a joke! Oh, yeah, my war was against furries in like a South American country where they took over.

• 39:16Duncan Trussell?

  The furry wars of 2028.

• 39:20Kurt Metzger?

  That's what they called him Strawberry Ice because they need someone to ice all these furries.

• 39:23Duncan Trussell?

  We've got a furry invasion at the border.

• 39:26Kurt Metzger?

  There were dog guys wearing diapers and shit, diaper furries.

• 39:29Duncan Trussell?

  But the furries are just another.

• 39:31Kurt Metzger?

  Taking a crap in a diaper, walking around.

• 39:33Duncan Trussell?

  The, the furries.

• 39:34Kurt Metzger?

  They're like the Krikol in their outfits.

• 39:36Duncan Trussell?

  We don't want to be the avatars that we are in. Like, there's a natural inclination to change our bodies, like, we, the way we've been.

• 39:43Kurt Metzger?

  Overflowing all the toilets.

• 39:44Duncan Trussell?

  We go to the gym. We fucking go to the gym, we do our workouts, we take our peptides, we do these things. Humans are never happy with the body vehicle that they're in. There is a market pressure to warp the body.

• 39:57Kurt Metzger?

  I want to just point this out with, use, yes, using machete, I would like to point this out for emphasis.

• 40:04Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck, dude? We, like, it's like people that get the tan, you ever go tanning at a tanning bed?

• 40:09Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 40:15Kurt Metzger?

  But you know, like, I remember, I had never done it before and then I did it and I was like, I stopped doing it, because I was like, what the fuck, I always am like, I'm too pale now.

• 40:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 40:23Kurt Metzger?

  It took me like, three seconds to get, complete dysmorphia about how tanned I was.

• 40:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 40:29Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it was very, and probably because I was burning my, you know, I didn't wear the goggles. I don't fall for that, that fruity shit, like you wear goggles. I look right into it.

• 40:37Duncan Trussell?

  You got to, if you wanna, if you wanna see the truth.

• 40:40Kurt Metzger?

  And I did.

• 40:41Duncan Trussell?

  And they don't want you to look into the tanning bed light, because they don't want you to see the truth.

• 40:46Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now that is just, that shushy one is actually from hiking, which I did like, I'm like Shane. Go back up, go back up.

• 40:52Duncan Trussell?

  Let's see that tan, man.

• 40:53Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that, now that.

• 40:55Duncan Trussell?

  Which one, oh, look at you all tanned.

• 40:57Kurt Metzger?

  No, that, that's not when I was tanning.

• 40:59Duncan Trussell?

  You look pretty great.

• 41:00Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's from, from hiking, that was from, when I was hiking, I lived near Runyon Canyon.

• 41:05Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 41:05Kurt Metzger?

  Where did, where did Shane hike, there's not as good as places to hike here, I know why, he don't like it, it's great to hike.

• 41:10Duncan Trussell?

  Here?

• 41:11Kurt Metzger?

  I wish I had a, Runyon Canyon here, so I could, because I'm at the chain pointed out level of fat. And I feel every time I look at, I'm like, oh my god, look at this fat asshole, I better either get more fat related bits or do something.

• 41:23Duncan Trussell?

  There you go, see, look, another human, angry at their body, vagrant, you should love your body.

• 41:27Kurt Metzger?

  What, I'm not angry at my body.

• 41:29Duncan Trussell?

  You have a beautiful body, vagrant, I'm gonna teach you to love your body, get in that tanning bed and stare into the light, vagrant.

• 41:34Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know what I hate more, or if you try to insult me, be nice to me.

• 41:41Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know what's worse.

• 41:43Duncan Trussell?

  But you know, you, you gotta admit.

• 41:44Kurt Metzger?

  You're insults.

• 41:45Duncan Trussell?

  It, it is somewhat preposterous, that the human species is at war with their own bodies, I'm not talking about body positivity. I, I, I, I looked at myself in the mirror today, I'm like, god, I wish I didn't look like that.

• 41:58Kurt Metzger?

  It's not, it's some group guilt, and everyone's being manipulated into it.

• 42:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  They argue that the first body augmentation can be seen as like glasses.

• 42:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 42:06Duncan Trussell?

  There you go, exactly, there you go, glasses, uh, hip replacements, like, we're already augmenting our own bodies. It's only gonna continue, it's like, the, the way you understand and make prognostications regarding the technology that's coming is look at market pressures. People want different bodies, the whole trans thing.

• 42:26Kurt Metzger?

  You sound like one of those furries that killed with a machete in the jungle.

• 42:29Duncan Trussell?

  The whole trans thing is really foreshadowing.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  It is, no, that's a, 100%.

• 42:34Duncan Trussell?

  Foreshadowing.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  It, it's, yeah, therians, all of these like, you know, different.

• 42:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's, it's so that we can become one, just completely one.

• 42:43Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't you become one with this?

• 42:45Duncan Trussell?

  Don't you think it's like, on, like.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  Like, that's the end game, is that we all become one amalgamation.

• 42:50Duncan Trussell?

  If, if there was some, you know, an, an X technology, that it works perfectly, you could alter yourself in any way that you want, whenever you want, safely, in any way that you want, wouldn't that be a net benefit for the human race?

• 43:04Kurt Metzger?

  Is this Trump's new secretary of education? Um, okay.

• 43:09Duncan Trussell?

  What do you think, wait, let her answer the question, Metzger.

• 43:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, watch how you answer.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's serious if he says Metzger.

• 43:16Kurt Metzger?

  Answer his next question very quickly.

• 43:17Duncan Trussell?

  Wouldn't, and you answer it too, I wanna know what you think.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  I, I, I don't, it would depend on your view of what it means to be human, if this is just some sort of fleeting experience, or something like we're supposed to break out of this prison planet, you know, like in a gnostic sense, then, yeah, that would be a net benefit, so that we could do that quicker through technology, but if you don't think that, if you're like, you know what, I kinda like being a human, I wanna have this experience, I don't wanna be one with the, you know, pleroma just yet, I kinda wanna, you know, experience this, then no, it wouldn't be good, because you want that individuality, you want that ability to embody something unique and go through those experiences, but it might be a karmic trap, I mean, that's the thing, it's like.

• 43:56Duncan Trussell?

  I'm saying liberty over one's own genetics, like, you know, like right now, we, we are, our bodies, they, they send out the chemicals that make us happy, they send out the chemicals that make us afraid, and we have to do certain things to get those chemicals, what about being able to just dial those in whenever we want via some technology?

• 44:16Speaker 03

  Okay, so they did a, they, they did a study, okay, so like, extreme emotions and feelings like this, they did a, actually a couple of studies. One of them, they had a woman who had some electrodes, and she had a button where she could orgasm at will, and she, her life.

• 44:32Kurt Metzger?

  It's called my face.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  Her life was destroyed, destroyed, I mean, because there's only so much, um, yeah, so, well.

• 44:41Duncan Trussell?

  Why didn't she stop pressing the button?

• 44:43Speaker 03

  Uh, she actually stopped bathing, she stopped interacting with family, it just became, she actually got, um, wounds on her finger from the amount of times that she'd press it, there's a couple of different cases of this too.

• 44:56Kurt Metzger?

  The button was her actual clit.

• 44:57Duncan Trussell?

  She got addicted to the cum button.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  He's the, yeah, so she's.

• 44:59Kurt Metzger?

  So she found her clit, is what you're telling me, good for her.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Orgasm button lady, yeah, um, so.

• 45:05Duncan Trussell?

  The discovery.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  I don't, well, yeah.

• 45:09Duncan Trussell?

  Or got, the Orgasmatron. Doctor Zeromeloy. The device is an implantable system consisting of a spinal neural electrode connected to a small signal generator, roughly the size of a matchbox or cigarette pack, placed subcutaneously in the patient's buttock. The control, a patient uses a handheld wireless remote control to trigger electrical impulses to the nerves, inducing an orgasm on demand. Status, while patented and evaluated, widespread, commercial availability and mass market have faced hurdles due to high surgical and device costs, invasive placement procedures, and regulatory requirements.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  So man went through this as well, there were a few different, um, studies before that, and most of them were accidental, that they discovered this, but then they exploited it and studied it, and so, I mean, I guess my greater point is simply that, if you're given the option to have absolute, you know, ecstasy to that extent, where you have hijacked your neurons and everything.

• 46:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  You're just toast, like there's nothing more, you know, so.

• 46:15Kurt Metzger?

  Don't you get a dopamine rush from like making things or doing things, I mean, like, the, the reward setup is just fine, you get a dopamine rush from doing things.

• 46:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 46:24Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, like, the incentive to do things is the dopamine rush, I guess the thing of where you don't have to.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Well, the dopamine doesn't, isn't the reward.

• 46:31Kurt Metzger?

  Well, whatever the reward is, you know what I'm saying.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Serotonin, like dopamine.

• 46:35Kurt Metzger?

  Who put Kurt Metzger's sex negative?

• 46:39Kurt Metzger?

  No, I am sick of this.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  So dopamine leads you to something, it is the motivator, and then that leads you to like serotonin, and so what they did, do another study with rats, is they depleted them of dopamine completely, put food in front of them, and they wouldn't go to the food, at all, and they, they almost died, but then when they fed the rats, they could see that they did get the pleasure, they, you know, so at that point, they were like, okay, well, it's the dopamine that draws you to the thing, so that you get that release, and, yeah, so it's, um, from the.

• 47:09Kurt Metzger?

  Are you hearing that?

• 47:12Duncan Trussell?

  Hearing what, vagrant?

• 47:13Speaker 07

  They're more afraid of Trump being successful.

• 47:16Duncan Trussell?

  What do you hear, vagrant?

• 47:18Speaker 07

  Hitler wanted a master race.

• 47:20Duncan Trussell?

  You hear the buzzing of bees? It's Lindsay. Oh no, god damn it.

• 47:26Speaker 07

  Lindsey Graham.

• 47:27Duncan Trussell?

  Well, look, man, I, I do, I have no, anyone who's.

• 47:30Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not gay, you're gay.

• 47:31Duncan Trussell?

  Y'all are gay. That's another thing, your definition of gay is crazy.

• 47:37Kurt Metzger?

  What's so crazy about it, name one part.

• 47:39Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 47:40Kurt Metzger?

  What, what's crazy about it?

• 47:41Duncan Trussell?

  Everything you think is gay is straight.

• 47:45Kurt Metzger?

  Um, without me, everything I think is straight is gay, such as my manly beret. Such as my commando beret of me.

• 47:54Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's a powerful.

• 47:55Kurt Metzger?

  Strawberry Ice, the only man that can take down furries.

• 47:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's a powerful beret, vagrant.

• 47:59Kurt Metzger?

  I'm a furry hunter, by trade.

• 48:00Speaker 03

  It's not a raspberry beret, though.

• 48:02Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's a strawberry beret.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  It's a strawberry beret.

• 48:05Kurt Metzger?

  No, do you know raspberry beret, because I'm looking for that motherfucker, that's a filthy furry named raspberry beret.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  That's the kind you buy at a secondhand store.

• 48:11Duncan Trussell?

  He's a literal weasel.

• 48:12Kurt Metzger?

  My furry machete will drink deep, will drink, drink, drink deep of his strawberry jelly blood.

• 48:18Duncan Trussell?

  Do you know Dreep Dink?

• 48:20Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 48:21Duncan Trussell?

  Dreep Dink, the DJ.

• 48:22Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, the Indian DJ, Dreep Dink?

• 48:25Duncan Trussell?

  Dreep Dink.

• 48:25Speaker 07

  Dreep Dink came to rock this thing, Dreep Dink won't pay for the drinks, UT long hauls all the way, got the cheapest visa and the longest stay.

• 48:39Duncan Trussell?

  300 people died at his last show.

• 48:42Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 48:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you didn't hear about that? DJ Dreep Dink.

• 48:49Kurt Metzger?

  Dreep Dink, they're orgasming.

• 48:50Duncan Trussell?

  No, he like, played some kind of like incredible mix, it sounds really embarrassing and stereotypical, it was like the Sesame Street theme song mixed in with the Peshmod, but like a heavy 808 bassline.

• 49:03Duncan Trussell?

  And 300 people just dropped dead on the spot.

• 49:07Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, who's that guy, DJ Guy Kanoki, or Guy, or Aoki?

• 49:11Duncan Trussell?

  Aoki.

• 49:12Kurt Metzger?

  Is it like that kinda horse shit?

• 49:14Duncan Trussell?

  Steve Aoki, no, Dreep Dink didn't, no.

• 49:16Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not Aoki, I don't like that, I like Dreep Drink.

• 49:20Duncan Trussell?

  Dreep Dink?

• 49:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I like his stuff.

• 49:22Duncan Trussell?

  The DJ.

• 49:23Kurt Metzger?

  DJ Dreep Drink.

• 49:24Duncan Trussell?

  Dreep Dink.

• 49:25Kurt Metzger?

  He's, I believe he's, I thought he was a Sikh, but I think they all have to be named Singh for them to be a Sikh.

• 49:31Duncan Trussell?

  No, he's not a Sikh.

• 49:32Kurt Metzger?

  Um, Dreep Drink.

• 49:35Duncan Trussell?

  There he is, is that Dreep Dink? No, that's not him. No, Dreep Dink wears a sun hat.

• 49:45Kurt Metzger?

  Um, will you put up, uh, Chris Chan, one second, I just wanna, uh, uh, uh, this, this Asian man named Chris Chan.

• 49:55Duncan Trussell?

  That sucks for him.

• 49:57Kurt Metzger?

  No, not that Chris Chan. Why, why is this guy a local, I don't know, he's Chinese, it's not that big a deal, I've, you've seen Chinese, okay, wait, let's see this like, finished, the finished work of what Chris Chan is now.

• 50:09Duncan Trussell?

  But while you do this, I apologize, doctor, I have to have a, a BM.

• 50:14Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Officer Hart's gonna take a shit when things heat up.

• 50:21Kurt Metzger?

  Um, every, we always are taking a shit on this show if we have to get up.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  I've heard.

• 50:27Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, a lot of theories about why.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:31Kurt Metzger?

  There's not, one of the theories is that it's a stupid joke that we're doing. Okay. No, nobody, nobody suggested it could be just a joke.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  No, no, no, it's always like coke.

• 50:41Kurt Metzger?

  Um, this is not a good Chris Chan picture for what I want. I need you to make it like with, uh, full, full blown, the woman Christine Chandler, fresh home from, uh, jail for, uh, graping, uh, her elderly, uh, there you go. Behold, the singularity.

• 51:00Kurt Metzger?

  Behold, to answer Officer Hart's stupid question about wetware. What was that about? Oh my God, that was embarrassing. The singularity, a boy, girl breast thing that, like how Christ born of a virgin, uh, draped his elderly mother, the exact inversion.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  And a brony, a brony.

• 51:22Kurt Metzger?

  And a brony. So, so look at all those things in one that like the pure programming into an autistic skull. And completely planned, and that's a human that's being molded by the light beams coming out of their screen.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:37Kurt Metzger?

  Like, like the, uh, like a sculptor. This is the boy trapped in the clay, who is actually a girl, who is also a boy who draped their elderly mother.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  But it's gonna be great to transcend humanity and have the singularity.

• 51:51Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, so what, what this is, is on the way to the gray big head things.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:57Kurt Metzger?

  That's all that it is. You guys get that, right? That's what the grays are. Put Chris Chan back. Or put Greta Thunberg actually too.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, they don't, they don't need mouth parts. They don't need genitals.

• 52:10Kurt Metzger?

  You had such a great thing you brought up about, about just like controlling like a nation, a tribe of people. What that is, is a genetics, um. I just put it, it's, it's, it's basically like, um, uh, you've said it, I'm blanking out, like genetic engineering?

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, uh, oh, animal husbandry?

• 52:29Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, explain that. Will you explain that? Because that's a good point.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  The, the earliest civilizations, uh, did a form of what's called animal husbandry, whereas essentially the beginnings of agriculture, they started selectively breeding for certain traits and they were able to domesticate certain animals and they also affected their genetics by how and what they fed them. And they did the same thing then to the people that they subjugated by giving them grains. Beer, beer was a big part of like the building of civilization. It was a food source. It wasn't the same beer that we would have now. It has like a lot of floaty things in it and nutrition was very thick.

• 53:08Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  They supplemented, it was like an energy drink.

• 53:12Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yo, no, that's great. Cause I want Officer Hart to hear this. Cause the Anunnaki, and I think that you're, I, I, I think like your take is the most like ra- like rational, reasonable one of, of it where, where the Anunnaki are like, so these are the blonde ones, right? That are like, hey, you should farm for us and work for us and we'll breed you.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, well.

• 53:31Kurt Metzger?

  Like, will animal husbandry you? Cause you have black hair.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't think, I don't even think they said we'll breed you as a good thing. I think they just said, look, we're going to show you that we have this magic power, like we can make, uh, you know, grains appear. We can, we can, we've domesticated animals. You don't have to hunt them anymore. Look, they follow us like because of the nomadic.

• 53:49Kurt Metzger?

  This is in Game of Thrones, right? The Valerians, uh, with the dragon people go to and conquer the other people.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:55Kurt Metzger?

  That's what he's writing based on.

• 53:57Duncan Trussell?

  This is the book of Enoch.

• 53:58Kurt Metzger?

  Is it?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:00Duncan Trussell?

  It kind of. Nephilim coming and banging human women.

• 54:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, leave that. No, Nephilim came from, or the product of that.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Of the watchers.

• 54:07Kurt Metzger?

  But, but.

• 54:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, right.

• 54:08Kurt Metzger?

  But think of like, just the racial bullshit of this whole, of, of the world of miscegenation. That's what, what it is. If, if, if, uh, you know, if the angels are like actual, you know, like higher dimensional spirit beings, that's like akin to bestiality and.

• 54:25Duncan Trussell?

  You know, okay, you know what it's more to me, what, what it's also similar to? And this is what the AI anthropic is now, you know, putting out the warning that these AIs are gonna infect smart devices, that the AI is gonna get into smart devices.

• 54:39Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is that why my ringer is Lindsey Graham calling me gay?

• 54:41Duncan Trussell?

  You got it. And, but, so it's, it's, it's also similar to like an AI contaminating a, a machine. Like if you look at it on a, on non-spiritual, on a technological level, the watchers are like some kind of two dimensional entities that went into three dimensional space.

• 54:58Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, one sec. Uh, hey, so fans of mystery boys, so this is what I would say fourteen, this is ten. So we need like this, we need to raise this much? And then like this much off of it to, um, pay for Seth Simons to come and get an oatmeal bath. It's up to you guys, but like in case you're wondering, it's like, this would be about ten.

• 55:19Duncan Trussell?

  Stacks.

• 55:21Kurt Metzger?

  What is it? A rack? Do you call it?

• 55:22Duncan Trussell?

  We need a rack of stacks.

• 55:23Kurt Metzger?

  What do the kids call it?

• 55:25Duncan Trussell?

  Stack rack.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  A rack.

• 55:26Kurt Metzger?

  We need like a rack and a half for Seth Simons. Rack and a half to get the Simons a bath.

• 55:32Duncan Trussell?

  And we'll bring a bathtub into the studio and we will bathe Seth Simons. You will bathe Seth to get this shit out of your system and understand it's not gay.

• 55:41Kurt Metzger?

  We put this somewhere? It's like a.

• 55:42Duncan Trussell?

  Here, I'll take it.

• 55:43Kurt Metzger?

  Bulking up my shit.

• 55:45Kurt Metzger?

  My goodness. We've really gotta find places for this because it's like not, hey, it's unwieldy. It's unwieldy, I would call it. I, now I get why those black kids dance around with it like it's a radio. Cause where are you gonna put it? Your pocket? You look like a fucking asshole.

• 56:00Duncan Trussell?

  Put it in your pocket.

• 56:01Kurt Metzger?

  That's why you gotta carry it around on your shoulder and like wave it around. Cause you can't hold it. It bulks up your pockets. I'm already fat. You heard Jane?

• 56:08Duncan Trussell?

  Hmm.

• 56:10Kurt Metzger?

  Now I gotta look at Greta Thunberg?

• 56:11Duncan Trussell?

  Hmm.

• 56:14Kurt Metzger?

  Officer Hart, do you see that thing?

• 56:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I've seen this. What about it?

• 56:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, go to the next thing. Go to the other thing. There you go. How many generations from that, that little creature to this creature? How many generations would you say?

• 56:34Duncan Trussell?

  You think she reminds you of that?

• 56:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, absolutely. But I've been abducted and that's what I saw.

• 56:40Duncan Trussell?

  Greta?

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Greta?

• 56:41Kurt Metzger?

  Four to seven Thunberg sized creatures.

• 56:43Duncan Trussell?

  Why don't you pass me that Graham?

• 56:45Kurt Metzger?

  What Graham? We have Graham?

• 56:49Duncan Trussell?

  You don't remember?

• 56:50Kurt Metzger?

  No, I was, I've been, I put in order for Graham a long time ago.

• 56:53Speaker 07

  Where's the? Open the file cabinet.

• 56:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 56:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, thank God.

• 57:02Kurt Metzger?

  Did you got, did you get one for them?

• 57:05Speaker 07

  No, you're supposed to, it's the sharing size.

• 57:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 57:08Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, you can't each have one of those. It weighs thirty pounds.

• 57:14Duncan Trussell?

  God, you're so greedy. They get us like enough for a Grateful Dead show. That's so much.

• 57:21Kurt Metzger?

  Ooh, Graham.

• 57:23Speaker 07

  Your view of the war is.

• 57:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, come on. Turn that knob, boy. Come on, vagrant. Breathe in that Graham now and then we'll get you in the tub.

• 57:32Kurt Metzger?

  All right, listen, we need to raise fourteen K.

• 57:36Kurt Metzger?

  All right, well, that makes the, uh, you know, that, that makes the sound of, uh, the Lindsey Graham AGI.

• 57:42Duncan Trussell?

  You'll hear the watchers.

• 57:44Kurt Metzger?

  No, it'll, it should cut down on hearing Lindsey Graham calling us gay is what it should do.

• 57:48Duncan Trussell?

  The only reason you're hearing Lindsey Graham call you gay is because you're homophobic. Here, thank you so much.

• 57:54Kurt Metzger?

  Could it be?

• 57:55Duncan Trussell?

  You got a release, man. You need a release.

• 57:57Speaker 07

  We're playing like World War Two never actually happened.

• 58:00Kurt Metzger?

  Can we go back to the Chris Chan picture for, uh, Officer Hart? Cause I wanna answer his question. Okay, there we go. Go back. Yeah, go back to Chris Chan. There it is. Now, Officer Hart, you asked about the singularity. Hold it, hold it, hold it and listen. Hold and listen. You asked about the singularity. Behold, the singularity. I see it. Now, yes.

• 58:23Speaker 03

  It's a brony.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  It's a brony.

• 58:27Kurt Metzger?

  Do you understand what the singularity is?

• 58:29Speaker 03

  It's that.

• 58:30Kurt Metzger?

  It's that, it's, uh, that, the inversion of, the complete inversion of Christ. I understand the singularity completely. Dude, what if, what if, um, strawberry ice and Officer Hart? Instead of it ending at like, you know, well, I think they didn't kill, Rambo didn't kill the guy, but they do some Graham.

• 58:53Kurt Metzger?

  You know, and then they just talk about baths and shit. Okay, wait. So as I told you before, in my previous lecture, Chris Chan.

• 59:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 59:00Kurt Metzger?

  Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, Chris Chan. Uh, draped his elderly mother, the inversion. This is the fucking singular, this is the merge, this is, imagine being sculpted by the laser precision of the carrier wave of sick fuck technology that makes you a brony.

• 59:17Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 59:18Kurt Metzger?

  Can you imagine that? That is, you don't have to. That's what they did.

• 59:21Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 59:22Kurt Metzger?

  That's the boy trapped in the marble that they carved with blue light from his screen.

• 59:26Duncan Trussell?

  Respectfully pushback. I think you're.

• 59:28Kurt Metzger?

  You're watching respectful pushback. I am strawberry ice. With me as always is Officer Hart, back to Heather Lynn.

• 59:37Duncan Trussell?

  This is, this is the uncanny valley. You're, what you're seeing is the, Chris Chan is the uncanny, uncanny valley. This is like, this is the, the, the, the, the root of minerie phase. This is like the pre-release of a video game. You're looking at like, you're looking at like Bowder's Gate pre-release. I'm, I'm talking about.

• 59:59Kurt Metzger?

  Like a TV.

• 59:59Duncan Trussell?

  When it, when the thing fucking comes out and it's like the final version, that's where we'll, we'll, like, Chris Chan.

• 1:00:07Kurt Metzger?

  This is the desired.

• 1:00:08Duncan Trussell?

  Let me say this, this is not Chris Chan's final form. This is not Chris Chan's final form.

• 1:00:13Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't say it was. I said it's, you have to understand, they're looking at, they know a lot of people are behind the curve. And the final form, by the way, in the plan is gonna be very fluid. Okay, because we're talking about, uh, transgenics here. Officer Hart, I'm trying to creep you the fuck out. So I want you to look at this first.

• 1:00:29Duncan Trussell?

  Creep out, Officer Hart.

• 1:00:30Kurt Metzger?

  I think I will.

• 1:00:34Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking your brain up first you got a chip and strip. You know what I'm saying? Get the chip, get that big deagle right here. He's wasting it.

• 1:00:40Kurt Metzger?

  Hey.

• 1:00:42Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 1:00:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, throw it away, you say. Well, that's a great message. Hey. Okay, so did you see? You saw that Chris Chan and that Greta Thunberg and that weird, uh, uh, gray alien, right? Duncan? Yes.

• 1:00:57Duncan Trussell?

  Breathe in that [BLEEP], Drifter.

• 1:00:58Kurt Metzger?

  And honestly, Lindsay, it quiets the Lindsay inside.

• 1:01:02Duncan Trussell?

  It does.

• 1:01:03Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I like.

• 1:01:04Duncan Trussell?

  It's purgative.

• 1:01:05Kurt Metzger?

  Well, there's a lot of post.

• 1:01:06Duncan Trussell?

  It's purgative. It's purgative, Drifter.

• 1:01:10Kurt Metzger?

  It's Lindsay purgative.

• 1:01:11Duncan Trussell?

  It cleans you.

• 1:01:12Kurt Metzger?

  Cause it doesn't work.

• 1:01:13Duncan Trussell?

  Washes away the cobwebs in a haunted old house. It's on your body.

• 1:01:16Kurt Metzger?

  To get, I don't have to release Buster into some kind of Montauk chair into the ethersphere. Okay, so, okay, this is all gross. So, uh, a tokolosh in South Africa.

• 1:01:29Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so, and I got this from Adam Hamer that we gotta have on.

• 1:01:32Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, tokolosh.

• 1:01:33Kurt Metzger?

  Because he was put through a Gnostic vodun, uh, ritual by that, and he.

• 1:01:38Duncan Trussell?

  Vodun as in like Odin?

• 1:01:39Kurt Metzger?

  Voodoo.

• 1:01:40Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I thought, okay.

• 1:01:41Kurt Metzger?

  Vodun, vodun.

• 1:01:43Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:01:44Kurt Metzger?

  Ew, look.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  God.

• 1:01:46Kurt Metzger?

  So, okay, here's what, what is that supposed to be?

• 1:01:48Speaker 04

  That's a tokolosh.

• 1:01:49Kurt Metzger?

  Who, where?

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 1:01:51Kurt Metzger?

  Where? Any explanation for it, though, besides like?

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  I just gave it a Google.

• 1:01:55Duncan Trussell?

  That's what showed up? Tokolosh, getting off his private plane.

• 1:01:59Kurt Metzger?

  Boy.

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Kurt Metzger?

  He's tokolosh maxing.

• 1:02:01Duncan Trussell?

  So tell me about the, tell me about the tokolosh.

• 1:02:04Kurt Metzger?

  You see his little gremlin, okay, this is really horrible, too, what I'm gonna tell you. Um, witch doctors would take people with, you know, if you're deformed or, you know, now, before the missionaries came.

• 1:02:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:15Kurt Metzger?

  There was a lot of infanticide if you have a malformed child. Or like, uh, they would take a pigmeat, which are smaller people. Um, they would alter them in horrific ways. They would tie wood to their limbs and give them like weird limbs. Make them look like goblins.

• 1:02:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Kurt Metzger?

  Kidnap, like Gary Heidnik, the Philadelphia serial killer, kidnap, uh, uh, people with mental, just the women were prized because you can breed these, and then, and then you raise them, remember the, it's Liber Vake, remember Liber Vake?

• 1:02:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:46Kurt Metzger?

  Remember the bizarro things it was saying?

• 1:02:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:48Kurt Metzger?

  Well, once you sub out cow for human woman of, with a mentally handicapped, then you know what the fuck that was.

• 1:02:55Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, I see.

• 1:02:56Kurt Metzger?

  So they, they raise the child, and this is from Credo Mutois book. It was from the book Operation Mind Control, but it's mentioning his book, where he talks about specifically South African, uh, Bantu, I believe.

• 1:03:09Duncan Trussell?

  You're talking about like getting like disabled women pregnant to make?

• 1:03:13Kurt Metzger?

  For generate, and then these tokolosh farms were deep in the mountains.

• 1:03:17Duncan Trussell?

  So it's like, so gotta like reverse eugenics or something?

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:21Kurt Metzger?

  It's called disgenics.

• 1:03:22Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God, that's fucking spooky.

• 1:03:24Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 1:03:25Duncan Trussell?

  Crazy.

• 1:03:25Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm gonna make it much worse for you, I'm sorry. So the CIA sought that out.

• 1:03:31Duncan Trussell?

  Sought out what?

• 1:03:32Kurt Metzger?

  Tokolosh.

• 1:03:33Duncan Trussell?

  Oh.

• 1:03:34Kurt Metzger?

  Now, think of, think of, um, uh, what's her name, talking about Darf, Darpa, uh, Darpa. Darpra. Darpra Winfrey. You know Darpa?

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  John of God.

• 1:03:47Duncan Trussell?

  I love Darpa, I love her book suggestions.

• 1:03:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, Annie Jacobson, uh, did an interview with Joe, and I dismissed her story from Darpa, but now I know what the story, now I realize what it is.

• 1:03:58Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:03:59Kurt Metzger?

  Her story was when the Roswell crash was, it's not Roswell, blah, blah, it was, uh, some deformed kids that Russia had made like their aliens.

• 1:04:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Kurt Metzger?

  And I was like, really? So here's the fake part, no, it wasn't Russia. We did that, and those kids are tokoloshes that we bred.

• 1:04:17Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04:18Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And the, yeah, and the four alien races that David Grush talked about, that they've had disclosed, but I've never seen one. That's what Nightmare Hall is in Dulcet Base. That's a tokolosh farm. Why do the aliens need our sperms and eggs all the time? Because these witch doctors that run us are making fucking, that's why they need human, all the things are made out of people.

• 1:04:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Kurt Metzger?

  Here, I made a handy rap, we play the rap so I can educate Duncan.

• 1:04:47Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you. This is incredible, by the way.

• 1:04:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, by the way, we're solving the whole alien thing.

• 1:04:52Duncan Trussell?

  Tokolosh, I really like the name, though.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  And that explains why they're always anthropomorphic.

• 1:04:56Kurt Metzger?

  Right, why are they always anthropomorphic? Oh, it's universal, hermetic, yeah, because they can't make life, but they can mutate other life, and now they got CRISPR Duncan. And think of this Duncan.

• 1:05:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Kurt Metzger?

  The space race where they're sending dogs and, okay, go to the beginning, let's just, uh, educate, so here's a helpful rap to help people understand. Cause I know it's hard for you to get this shit.

• 1:05:17Duncan Trussell?

  Let me hear this.

• 1:05:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26Duncan Trussell?

  So good.

• 1:05:28Kurt Metzger?

  Deep in the caves where the white man don't look, they start the pygmies down till their backs go crook. Strap the little bodies to curved pieces of wood, bend the limbs and spry to the shape that's no good. All through the skull wipes, the free will away. Damage to the tongue so they cannot say. Dogs milk and vulture blood. Six months of hell to teach them to kill and erase every trail. Tokolosh, tokolosh, bred in the dark. Lean little puppet that won't leave a mark. Terrible evil that you must not seek. It means mind your business and bad to speak. Same old process was brought here to stay. The NHI are all fake and gay.

• 1:06:11Kurt Metzger?

  I said white man don't look, but that was a lie. The CIA went searching just to give it a try. Hunting for a way to make the patent free. Shake them slow and careful like a bonsai tree. Bind the limbs, start the body, cut the will away. Raise the little ones till they only obey. Call them NHI if they show up on scope. Same old tokolosh in a sci-fi coat. Bitch isolation, shock, no clocks and no sleep. Hypnotic suggestion, it's an ancient technique. From African caves to the classified rooms. Same little monsters just with CRISPR tools. Never went extinct, they just changed the name. Secret weapons, still the word stays the same. Tokolosh, tokolosh, bred in the dark. Lean little puppet that won't leave a mark.

• 1:06:56Kurt Metzger?

  Terrible evil that you must not seek. It means mind your business and bad to speak. Same old process was brought here to stay. The NHI are all fake and gay. Tokolosh, tokolosh, bred in the dark. Lean little puppet that won't leave a mark. Terrible evil that you must not seek. It means mind your business and bad to speak. Same old process was brought here to stay. The NHI are all fake and gay. That's how you learn. Anyway, that's what aliens are, they're all a tok, and now think of your Chris Chan's

• 1:07:40Kurt Metzger?

  and Greta, Greta Thunberg's. Now, we're herding you into your, like, I don't even, almost, I almost never go on X anymore. Right? Cause it's all either, either, uh, Israel bots or just like.

• 1:07:53Duncan Trussell?

  I, you know what? I'm gonna do a friendly pushback.

• 1:07:56Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:07:56Duncan Trussell?

  It's fine.

• 1:07:57Kurt Metzger?

  You're watching friendly pushback?

• 1:07:59Duncan Trussell?

  Friendly, I like it.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  My feed's pretty good.

• 1:08:01Duncan Trussell?

  I have no, I think, I think X went.

• 1:08:03Kurt Metzger?

  I invite a lot of attacks on myself.

• 1:08:05Duncan Trussell?

  X must have gone through a bad period or something, but it seems okay now.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  I like it, I like it.

• 1:08:10Kurt Metzger?

  Let me guess, you're just getting, uh, Red Wings period porn on your feed and it's just what you wanted.

• 1:08:15Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, no, period porn, burn my eyeballs out, I'm a tokolosh. Pass the [BLEEP], come on.

• 1:08:23Kurt Metzger?

  Straight out of Liber Vake.

• 1:08:24Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I saw a tokolosh. Meh.

• 1:08:29Speaker 07

  Letting Hitler.

• 1:08:30Duncan Trussell?

  Breed them down.

• 1:08:31Speaker 07

  Have anything.

• 1:08:32Duncan Trussell?

  Breed them down, let them fly to little, little ships alike.

• 1:08:35Kurt Metzger?

  That is sick.

• 1:08:35Duncan Trussell?

  What you got against it? Put that freak in the spaceship and let it zip about.

• 1:08:40Kurt Metzger?

  That's why the aliens call the people a container.

• 1:08:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:08:44Kurt Metzger?

  Cause you're, dude, so imagine raising somebody in the dark and telling them that they're from another planet and they'll believe you, won't they?

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  They're so fucked up, man.

• 1:08:52Duncan Trussell?

  Isn't that all of us? Aren't we all tokolosh based on that?

• 1:08:55Kurt Metzger?

  No one's from another planet, they're gonna tell you that.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why they're slow dripping.

• 1:08:59Duncan Trussell?

  But all of us.

• 1:09:00Kurt Metzger?

  That's why they're slow dripping the Mars bullshit that you came from Mars. No, no one came from Mars, we all came from here.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Kurt Metzger?

  One group, because of transhuman bullshit, the way that you may become a god is to push everybody else down to the level of mineral.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, that's Rosicrucian shit.

• 1:09:17Duncan Trussell?

  Too much energy.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  100%.

• 1:09:19Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, I didn't know that.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  That's Rosicrucian.

• 1:09:21Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wait, it's also Liriana Kabala. Oh, wait, it's all the same thing.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Imagine that, right?

• 1:09:24Duncan Trussell?

  It takes too much energy to do what you're describing, it's easier to just genetically engineer people any way that you want. You don't have to like break their bones in some ancient primitive ritual.

• 1:09:35Speaker 03

  No, but they like to do it.

• 1:09:36Kurt Metzger?

  No, they do that for fun, but, uh, they don't, they wanna diffuse, it's called no, well, it's not called that, uh, Adam Hamer told me this term, and I like it, no touch abuse. Look, we need to do it from remote, it's very cost, it, by the way, a tokolosh is worth like a hundred head of valuable cattle in 1922 South African cattle currency before inflation. So, the, the cost that goes into creating a tokolosh is so much. Do you understand?

• 1:10:04Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly.

• 1:10:05Kurt Metzger?

  It's easier to mass produce Chris Chan's.

• 1:10:08Duncan Trussell?

  Chris Chan's are a chapter in human history, but it's not the end of the book.

• 1:10:12Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, he's a tokolosh that was created purely, and the autisms, the first part, all the poisons that make you autistic?

• 1:10:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:18Kurt Metzger?

  They're there on purpose. Whatever you heard China did, understand America did that to you first, way better.

• 1:10:25Speaker 03

  Culture does affect your biology and genetics, and you can start to see it.

• 1:10:29Kurt Metzger?

  Dune is about that, read the Dune series, it's all about that.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  When the taints, the small taints, we're seeing that, you know?

• 1:10:34Kurt Metzger?

  This is something I harp about.

• 1:10:36Speaker 03

  The taints?

• 1:10:37Duncan Trussell?

  The small taints, I can't believe you didn't know that, we talk about the taint problem.

• 1:10:41Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, I, I.

• 1:10:42Duncan Trussell?

  It's the taint, the taint problem.

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  The taint problem, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, and, and taints are, but if taints are shrinking, what else is changing that we don't know?

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  Well, 100%, right?

• 1:10:50Duncan Trussell?

  You know?

• 1:10:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Duncan Trussell?

  What other aspects aren't being measured? And who is measuring the taints? And that is what I wanna know.

• 1:10:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Duncan Trussell?

  Who's measuring the taints? Does anyone know? Like, if taints are shrinking, how do we know that?

• 1:11:02Kurt Metzger?

  We got 14K, we're gonna find out Seth's taint.

• 1:11:05Duncan Trussell?

  Can you guys Google who's measuring taints?

• 1:11:06Kurt Metzger?

  Cause you're, look, can I be, can I come clean about something?

• 1:11:09Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm filled with the spirit of Lindsey Graham, does anybody want this?

• 1:11:12Duncan Trussell?

  I do, I'd love some.

• 1:11:13Kurt Metzger?

  I just wanna examine Seth's taint and see what we're working with, that's all. I don't even wanna do the bath.

• 1:11:17Duncan Trussell?

  Seth, send us a pic of that taint.

• 1:11:18Kurt Metzger?

  I have to be honest with you, will you go back to that diagram? Look, how about this? Can I just negotiate with Seth right now?

• 1:11:25Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that, perineum measurer. Oh, wow, that's, that seems like.

• 1:11:29Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that, wait, wait, can you look at, now, do you see the size of that taint?

• 1:11:33Duncan Trussell?

  What is that, a ring?

• 1:11:34Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that taint. That's the Tartaria of taints.

• 1:11:37Duncan Trussell?

  That's a Tartarian taint.

• 1:11:39Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, before the mud flood. Just Caucasian taint as far as the eye could see, before a mud flood came in and browned it up. Okay, we'll be right back.

• 1:12:01Speaker 07

  Y'all, this is so strange. So strange. So strange. Strange. Strange. So strange. Y'all, this is so strange. Strange.

• 1:12:26Duncan Trussell?

  A mud flood.

• 1:12:29Kurt Metzger?

  When people say Tartaria, you can't read between the lines of what they're doing with that horseshit fucking-

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  I fucking hate that shit. That shit pisses me off.

• 1:12:35Kurt Metzger?

  Because if you saw-

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Tartaria is some, yeah, fuck that.

• 1:12:38Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, never mind the lore of it, of Tartaria. It's literally there and you can hear it so well. Everything is being retold in Twilight language over and over again. So Tartaria is an Atlantis myth-

• 1:12:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:12:50Kurt Metzger?

  Being retold to your subconscious-

• 1:12:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Kurt Metzger?

  With a, like, a white nationalist-

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:12:54Kurt Metzger?

  Kind of Eastern European level overlap.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  Right, 100%.

• 1:12:58Kurt Metzger?

  So that probably, when people talk about Russian propaganda, that is-

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  That is. I know that is. I fucking know this. This is absolutely true. Now, because people are like, "Oh, there's Tartaria." First of all, they show maps from, um-

• 1:13:09Kurt Metzger?

  Everybody's Russian Orthodox now? What the fuck is that?

• 1:13:11Speaker 03

  Right, yeah. Fuck that shit. Though, they have-

• 1:13:13Kurt Metzger?

  Where's that shit coming from? That's the Russian thing, not fu- supporting Trump.

• 1:13:17Speaker 03

  No, you're right.

• 1:13:18Kurt Metzger?

  And Bannon don't like that guy.

• 1:13:20Duncan Trussell?

  Tartaria is white nationalism.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  Tartaria, with a, they'll show-

• 1:13:24Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, it sounds mid-weight when you say it like that.

• 1:13:26Duncan Trussell?

  Fuck off, that's what you just said! It's literally what you said. That's true, though.

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  No, it is. It is because they, they put this out there-

• 1:13:34Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:35Speaker 03

  And they use these maps from the Library of Congress to prove that-

• 1:13:38Kurt Metzger?

  I said a patina.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  I'm like, first of all-

• 1:13:41Kurt Metzger?

  A patina.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  The government's lying to you, but you're showing proof from the government, so whatever. But, you know, people in your, friends in, in the UK were talking about this one, saying, "You know, we had a grade school song we used to have to sing that covered Tartary and the Tartarian."

• 1:13:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  Like, everybody knows-

• 1:13:56Kurt Metzger?

  It's still a town in Romania.

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, it was, it was a group of people. And, and a lot of that history's lost because of Bolshevism and-

• 1:14:03Kurt Metzger?

  Mark Windows from Windows on the World, I can't, we're gonna get him on, I keep forgetting he lives in fucking Bulgaria or something now, but Mark, uh, Windows on the World, he has a whole great on YouTube about Tartaria. Because what he puts forward, and I'm mangling it, Mark, I apologize, is that-

• 1:14:21Duncan Trussell?

  Turn it off. Turn off your fucking fong cream.

• 1:14:26Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, no, this is important.

• 1:14:27Duncan Trussell?

  It can't be important.

• 1:14:29Kurt Metzger?

  It is because about the pilot, but, um, he maintains that when they put Tartaria on the map-

• 1:14:34Duncan Trussell?

  You Hollywood douchebag. Did you hear what he just said?

• 1:14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:38Duncan Trussell?

  It's cuz of the fucking pilot.

• 1:14:40Kurt Metzger?

  You saw the pilot good, right?

• 1:14:41Duncan Trussell?

  You Holly, look at you, cream. Look at you, you Babylonian fuck.

• 1:14:47Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. Before I got distracted by my thriving career, what was, what-

• 1:14:59Duncan Trussell?

  Hollywood.

• 1:15:02Duncan Trussell?

  Tom Hanks over here.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's gonna go back to tanning.

• 1:15:05Duncan Trussell?

  Look at him. Fucking Tom Hanks over there in a brace.

• 1:15:09Kurt Metzger?

  Strawberry eyes thought he had everything.

• 1:15:13Kurt Metzger?

  Until a corrupt cop and an expert on sumo taught him about period blood.

• 1:15:18Duncan Trussell?

  God.

• 1:15:19Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, wait, wait, wait. Oh, hold your mic, Heather.

• 1:15:21Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking Mr. Hollywood.

• 1:15:23Kurt Metzger?

  Um, what was I saying just before that? I'm sorry.

• 1:15:26Duncan Trussell?

  Forgot, didn't you?

• 1:15:27Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, because I-

• 1:15:28Duncan Trussell?

  Because the devil came in the room through your little rectangle and now it's all gone. You piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit! Who is it? Steven Spielberg? Did you get a fresh shipment of adrenochrome in, you fucking piece of shit?

• 1:15:44Kurt Metzger?

  Focus mode, focus mode.

• 1:15:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god! Turn it off, throw it out of here!

• 1:16:05Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, look at him. He's acting like he's not looking at some fucking text. What, did you get a national commercial?

• 1:16:13Duncan Trussell?

  Did you book a national? Turn it off!

• 1:16:19Duncan Trussell?

  God, did you get some residuals?

• 1:16:25Kurt Metzger?

  Seth Simons is dead.

• 1:16:29Duncan Trussell?

  That's not even funny. That's not even funny. That's not even fucking funny. Are you serious? Now we're gonna have to do like a memorial video for him right now. You're gonna have to make a memorial video for him, remembering Seth Simons. And I, I feel like if he'd just listened to us, none of that would've happened.

• 1:16:49Kurt Metzger?

  Now that is a great title.

• 1:16:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:52Kurt Metzger?

  Parenting the Screenager.

• 1:16:56Duncan Trussell?

  That's you, you're a Screenager. You're a fucking Screenager.

• 1:17:00Kurt Metzger?

  I can only make a face like this.

• 1:17:01Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god. What do you got? Is that, is that your Fortnite pals? Is that your Fortnite pals?

• 1:17:09Kurt Metzger?

  What is that, fork knife? What are you playing, fork knife?

• 1:17:11Duncan Trussell?

  My god.

• 1:17:12Kurt Metzger?

  Turn off the fork knife and you get in bed.

• 1:17:15Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, cream, come and play Fortnite.

• 1:17:17Kurt Metzger?

  You get ready for bed, you got school tomorrow, no more fork knife.

• 1:17:19Duncan Trussell?

  Do you need your iPad? Gimme this.

• 1:17:23Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my tattoos are peeling.

• 1:17:27Speaker 03

  Your other one's fucked up. Your other one's really fucked up. It looks like a tourniquet.

• 1:17:32Kurt Metzger?

  Well, thanks a lot.

• 1:17:33Duncan Trussell?

  The whole show got derailed by your phone.

• 1:17:38Kurt Metzger?

  Thanks a lot. Well, we did, uh, cuz whose, uh, podcast we do again yesterday?

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  Sean Johnson, yeah.

• 1:17:44Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Boy, we learned what a tokolosh was, that was rough.

• 1:17:47Speaker 03

  That was, that was rough. It was good though.

• 1:17:48Kurt Metzger?

  I feel like the whole thing, the entire podcast was a lead up to having to learn what a tokolosh is?

• 1:17:54Speaker 03

  It's a public service, really.

• 1:17:56Duncan Trussell?

  We're all tokolosh, man.

• 1:17:59Kurt Metzger?

  And that's what I'm telling you, dude. See, they diffused it, the horrible abuse on one creature, okay? They've managed to diffuse it to the entire population of varying degrees.

• 1:18:11Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 1:18:11Kurt Metzger?

  So then they can turn the levers-

• 1:18:13Duncan Trussell?

  You got it.

• 1:18:14Kurt Metzger?

  On the economy, your religion, whatever you care about, dude. I know you're a big, uh, giving men baths guy. Boop, boop, boop. Oh, now you wanna be, it's like, like, dude, knitting, remember knitting? Or crocheting? Who we had a woke mind virus? Dude, they're, this is the DARPA testing. They're seeing what, that's why Seth is charging us 14K to give him a bath, was the thing we should just do natural.

• 1:18:39Duncan Trussell?

  He's actually technically, he said the bath was free. 14K was a period.

• 1:18:43Kurt Metzger?

  I just wanna know how big his taint is. Honestly, I, it's a trick and I, I'm, I'm gonna not be a, be a liar. In the spirit of Lindsey Graham, I wanna be a good, honest man.

• 1:18:53Kurt Metzger?

  I just wanted to know how big his taint was, because I'm trying to see the damage that's been done.

• 1:18:56Duncan Trussell?

  Here's a poll for the, here's a poll for the chat, cuz we do these live. Uh, in the chat, do you think Seth Simons has a Tartarian taint? Do you think Seth Simons has a small taint? Or do you think Seth Simons has a normal-sized taint?

• 1:19:13Kurt Metzger?

  I have a taint like old Atlantis of co-centric circles.

• 1:19:17Duncan Trussell?

  Or a co-centric-

• 1:19:18Kurt Metzger?

  Like Poseidon of old.

• 1:19:20Duncan Trussell?

  But I, I think we're, we're all tokolosh in this.

• 1:19:22Speaker 03

  Like a Rongo Rongo taint.

• 1:19:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's what, uh, Lindsey Graham's saying. "I got a little old island chain down there, ladybugs."

• 1:19:28Duncan Trussell?

  I, I, I would say, I would say ontologically, we're tokolosh.

• 1:19:33Kurt Metzger?

  I just wanna baby and look at, look at your ladybugs.

• 1:19:36Duncan Trussell?

  By information. We're being, the boards that are being like put on our fucking butt.

• 1:19:41Kurt Metzger?

  There ain't nothing wrong.

• 1:19:42Duncan Trussell?

  It's, we're ontological tokolosh. You're fucking up, you're saying ontological tokolosh, it sounds so good.

• 1:19:48Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, look, we got-

• 1:19:49Duncan Trussell?

  Ontological tokolosh.

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  Ontological tokolosh.

• 1:19:52Duncan Trussell?

  That's what we are.

• 1:19:53Kurt Metzger?

  Ontological tokolosh? That's easy to say.

• 1:19:55Duncan Trussell?

  We're ontological tokolosh.

• 1:19:57Kurt Metzger?

  I wanna talk about minerals.

• 1:19:58Duncan Trussell?

  We're being warped by bad information and it's making us into mutants.

• 1:20:02Kurt Metzger?

  We gotta stay in Ukraine, y'all, and get those minerals.

• 1:20:05Duncan Trussell?

  Moral.

• 1:20:06Kurt Metzger?

  You know how many minerals Ukraine has? Now, my belly, my tummy's full of blood, but I still want them minerals, y'all.

• 1:20:11Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I got blood pooling in my guts.

• 1:20:13Kurt Metzger?

  Say, won't you pass me that Graham?

• 1:20:15Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, oh, y'all here, go wait, but let me just take one more little kiss on this gas.

• 1:20:19Kurt Metzger?

  Now, and I want Tanner, I want you to get on that boy, see if he wants to come have a bath.

• 1:20:25Kurt Metzger?

  Learn about government.

• 1:20:27Duncan Trussell?

  This is refreshing.

• 1:20:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my-

• 1:20:31Duncan Trussell?

  Have some, doctor, don't, don't just pass-

• 1:20:33Kurt Metzger?

  And also Tanner, I don't want you going to worry about that little old AGI Lindsey Graham. That's all, that's all in the past now.

• 1:20:40Duncan Trussell?

  It's funny, at the Epstein Library, you have to be 18 years or older to get in.

• 1:20:44Kurt Metzger?

  I know.

• 1:20:53Kurt Metzger?

  I just wanna be that little old boy.

• 1:20:59Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:21:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now you called off the, you, you called off the internet security people, I hope. Because the problem with the Lindsey Graham AGI is no more.

• 1:21:09Duncan Trussell?

  Listen, let me tell you-

• 1:21:10Kurt Metzger?

  Now we can focus on Ukraine.

• 1:21:12Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, please do that, cuz it'll get the AGI out of you. Just do it. Just do the [BLEEP]. It'll cleanse you. Please. Get this shit out of you. We, he gets possessed by this thing, and it sucks. Just get it out of you, man.

• 1:21:22Speaker 03

  It makes me wanna mint Julep.

• 1:21:24Duncan Trussell?

  I'd, I'd love it.

• 1:21:25Kurt Metzger?

  I told you I needed my own Graham [BLEEP] so he's gonna do this. I fucking said.

• 1:21:30Duncan Trussell?

  It's fucked up when you get possessed, and I hate it.

• 1:21:33Kurt Metzger?

  What in the hell just happened?

• 1:21:35Duncan Trussell?

  You got possessed by Lindsey fucking Graham.

• 1:21:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I know there's gonna be a problem if you don't keep an eye on your, your digital Tokolot.

• 1:21:41Duncan Trussell?

  It's up to you.

• 1:21:42Kurt Metzger?

  You made a Tokolot. You raised them on hate and fear.

• 1:21:45Duncan Trussell?

  Keep it out. You keep it out with Will.

• 1:21:47Kurt Metzger?

  Who is this now?

• 1:21:50Duncan Trussell?

  Who the fuck is that?

• 1:21:51Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I think that's a tall drink of water. Oh, great.

• 1:21:55Duncan Trussell?

  Do more, do more. So hey, let's talk about some, let's talk about something else. Can you guys pull up pictures of that roller coaster accident?

• 1:22:02Speaker 03

  Oh, man, that's-

• 1:22:04Kurt Metzger?

  Let's just cleanse our pilot.

• 1:22:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. This is so sad. This is actually heartbreaking. This happened at Six Flags, a father, put it away. Put it away, Hollywood. What could've happened in the last five seconds on your fucking pilot? Put it away.

• 1:22:20Kurt Metzger?

  I have to go to a showing of the pilot.

• 1:22:22Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. You can't do this. Don't go Hollywood on us. Fuck.

• 1:22:29Kurt Metzger?

  Look, it's not going Hollywood just because I decided to do something with my life, it's not dick around. You know, I had a lot of friends who were like, don't go, hey, Duncan is taking you into a political, uh, something drift, people said to me. And I go, you know what, I don't think that's the thing.

• 1:22:43Duncan Trussell?

  Go fuck yourself, man. You piece of shit. Wait, where'd you put the [BLEEP]? Pass it back over here. Oh my god. Let's, can we just talk about the roller coaster accident? God damn it. This is sad. This is sad. Will you pass one to me, too? This is sad, man. Look at this. Pull that picture up. This is the most depressing thing. This is a father of two. He got in this fucking roller coaster, and it, and he got flung out. They have video of it now? Jesus.

• 1:23:21Duncan Trussell?

  You asshole.

• 1:23:24Duncan Trussell?

  You fuckin', oh, wait, what is this?

• 1:23:27Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know who it is?

• 1:23:28Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:23:32Kurt Metzger?

  Jesse from Jesse on Fire.

• 1:23:35Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, can I come to your pilot screening?

• 1:23:38Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yeah, plus two?

• 1:23:41Duncan Trussell?

  Look how sad this is.

• 1:23:42Kurt Metzger?

  What is it?

• 1:23:43Duncan Trussell?

  So this dude gets in the roller coaster, they didn't strap him in right, it's clicking, the, he gets flung out of the roller coaster, run over somehow by the roller coaster twice, and his blood splattered all over the people on the roller coaster. He, I-

• 1:23:58Kurt Metzger?

  What is it called? Goliath?

• 1:23:59Duncan Trussell?

  Goliath, yeah.

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:24:01Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, where was it? Oh, where was this?

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  Six Flags, Six Flags over Georgia.

• 1:24:05Duncan Trussell?

  Georgia. What is that?

• 1:24:08Speaker 03

  This is them getting evacuated off the roller coaster.

• 1:24:12Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, we don't even get to finish the ride now. Great.

• 1:24:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Jesus, dude, this is so horrible. Dude, uh, in, uh-

• 1:24:23Duncan Trussell?

  Rest in peace.

• 1:24:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's the guy?

• 1:24:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's so sad.

• 1:24:26Kurt Metzger?

  Gruisky died?

• 1:24:28Speaker 03

  Hassan Jihad Kareem.

• 1:24:30Duncan Trussell?

  It's so sad.

• 1:24:31Kurt Metzger?

  Is that his real name?

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:33Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what? A guy named Hassan Jihad Kareem?

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  This shouldn't change anything.

• 1:24:38Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, but-

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  Now that you know, it's still tragic.

• 1:24:42Kurt Metzger?

  No, but, I don't, like, it's so-

• 1:24:43Duncan Trussell?

  Don't get caught up in his name, man. Just forget the name, okay? Yes, he's got Jihad in his fucking name. Just forget it. He's a dad. You're at Six Flags with your kids.

• 1:24:54Kurt Metzger?

  But, okay, I'm just thrown off by the name, uh, like, is this another story for me to hear? And not think about the fat chick getting beat up that I think is a plant at the Trump rally?

• 1:25:07Duncan Trussell?

  Lots of people have Jihad as their middle name.

• 1:25:10Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that, I mean, that's certainly gonna be my first and second born child.

• 1:25:13Duncan Trussell?

  Bruce Willis, his middle name's Jihad.

• 1:25:15Kurt Metzger?

  Probably their last name as well, once I change my surname.

• 1:25:17Duncan Trussell?

  His middle name's Jihad. Bruce John Willis.

• 1:25:20Kurt Metzger?

  I did know that, because I do USO.

• 1:25:23Duncan Trussell?

  It's just sad, you know, it just, this is a, this just shows that you can't take anything, you can't get too serious about life. You go to Six Flags with your dad, the next thing you know, you're covered with his blood. And this is why you-

• 1:25:34Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:25:37Kurt Metzger?

  Is that implying that my middle name is Mesker, my last name is in fact, uh, Jew? Is that what we're going with this?

• 1:25:46Duncan Trussell?

  I thought your last name was Jew.

• 1:25:48Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's Mesker.

• 1:25:49Duncan Trussell?

  You are, you are really are, you're doing this on purpose now.

• 1:25:55Duncan Trussell?

  Who does that? During a podcast?

• 1:25:59Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, okay.

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:02Duncan Trussell?

  This is on national TV, man.

• 1:26:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait, should I, look, look, look, look.

• 1:26:09Kurt Metzger?

  Um, should I answer this on Mystery Boys?

• 1:26:12Duncan Trussell?

  Answer what? No one can see your phone. You know that, right? Nobody sees what you're looking at. You're just staring at your fucking phone.

• 1:26:22Kurt Metzger?

  We'll be right back.

• 1:26:23Duncan Trussell?

  This is not like-

• 1:26:36Duncan Trussell?

  Why don't you just fucking text for the rest of the show? Me and Heather will sit here silently.

• 1:26:41Speaker 03

  So.

• 1:26:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. What are we even doing? You do your phone, and we'll have a fucking conversation about the goddamn Anna Knox.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, transhumanism and-

• 1:26:49Kurt Metzger?

  I'm strawberry eyes.

• 1:26:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you derailed our whole transhumanism conversation and stare at your phone.

• 1:26:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:26:56Duncan Trussell?

  It's so sad.

• 1:26:57Speaker 03

  I mean, but, that's Hollywood for me.

• 1:26:59Duncan Trussell?

  Compromised. Maybe you're compromised.

• 1:27:02Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember, okay, so you remember the story yesterday about the wife jumping off the cliff cuz her husband and son fell off the cliff?

• 1:27:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:27:08Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know about that?

• 1:27:09Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:27:10Kurt Metzger?

  There were, what, taking a picture?

• 1:27:12Duncan Trussell?

  Oh shit, hold on. Wait a second. Oh my god, I just got an Emmy. I just got an Emmy.

• 1:27:21Speaker 03

  Congratulations.

• 1:27:22Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you so much. Hold on, hold on, let me just, thank you for my Emmy. Love Duncan. Text. Oh, god, you fucking-

• 1:27:38Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying, I'm trying. Okay, so wait.

• 1:27:45Duncan Trussell?

  Um- Damn it.

• 1:27:51Kurt Metzger?

  So, we're on, we're on Sean, uh-

• 1:27:54Speaker 03

  Johnson.

• 1:27:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Sean Johnson's, me and her were on last night.

• 1:28:00Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz I was bi-locating with this show and Sean Johnson's, and Jesse from Jesse on Fire was on.

• 1:28:07Duncan Trussell?

  God damn it!

• 1:28:08Kurt Metzger?

  That wasn't mine. That was not mine.

• 1:28:13Kurt Metzger?

  That wasn't me.

• 1:28:14Duncan Trussell?

  I can't do it anymore.

• 1:28:15Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Jesse, okay, but-

• 1:28:17Duncan Trussell?

  Can't live like this.

• 1:28:18Kurt Metzger?

  So do you know Jesse's podcast called Jesse on Fire?

• 1:28:22Kurt Metzger?

  So they're talking about this Indian, uh, family, and I guess they're taking pictures, and like, the husband and son fell over cliffs, so the wife jumped off the cliff?

• 1:28:29Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:28:31Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they didn't say they were Indian. I asked what race they were, cuz I assumed they were Indian.

• 1:28:34Duncan Trussell?

  Jesus Christ, that's sad.

• 1:28:36Kurt Metzger?

  And then Jesse on Fire, the guy from Jesse on Fire, Jesse, who was calling before, um, he told me they're Indian, then I go, oh, that reminds me of that other podcast, Lakshmi on Fire. Anyway, the point is, boo.

• 1:28:51Duncan Trussell?

  Boo.

• 1:28:53Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz of-

• 1:28:54Duncan Trussell?

  Boo.

• 1:28:56Duncan Trussell?

  Boo.

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  I mean-

• 1:28:59Kurt Metzger?

  You're Lakshmi on Fire, get it? Oh, I forgot, I'm part of it.

• 1:29:03Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:29:05Kurt Metzger?

  It would've helped, okay.

• 1:29:06Duncan Trussell?

  It sucks to be, I'll tell you what sucks, being at the bottom of that cliff, and you watch your grandmother, and like, an Indian smashes on top of your grandmother, and you're like, oh my god, grandma, someone fell on her, and then another Indian lands on top of your brother. That's what sucks.

• 1:29:22Kurt Metzger?

  Double tap, they call it, no, no.

• 1:29:23Duncan Trussell?

  It's a double tap.

• 1:29:24Kurt Metzger?

  In the IDF, yeah.

• 1:29:25Duncan Trussell?

  Jumping off cliffs is irresponsible cuz there's people underneath, and you're gonna kill them. Don't jump off cliffs, kids.

• 1:29:31Kurt Metzger?

  Does that happen?

• 1:29:32Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:29:33Kurt Metzger?

  Where someone died cuz they were getting hit by someone else jumping?

• 1:29:36Duncan Trussell?

  Thousands of people a month.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  What? Where are these, this is like-

• 1:29:40Kurt Metzger?

  I know you're a cop, so you probably see a lot of stuff you don't-

• 1:29:42Duncan Trussell?

  Trust me, it's a nightmare. That's happening with greater frequency these days.

• 1:29:46Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 1:29:47Duncan Trussell?

  Don't walk near cliffs.

• 1:29:48Kurt Metzger?

  Do you think that's why you're obsessed with bathing, is the, having a clean up?

• 1:29:51Duncan Trussell?

  No, I'm obsessed with bathing because I think it's good to have a clean country, a clean nation. That's what I feel like. I think it's good to scrub and clean men. I think it's, it's good and powerful and good, and it, it's, it's positive masculinity.

• 1:30:05Speaker 03

  What about the women? I mean, you do have a service for that, though.

• 1:30:08Duncan Trussell?

  I have a service that cleans women.

• 1:30:09Speaker 03

  So you are equal opportunity.

• 1:30:11Kurt Metzger?

  We're a Pawsmas show.

• 1:30:12Duncan Trussell?

  No, well, my, my cleaning service is solely for women, cuz I wanna save space for women to get scrubbed out of my van. And I don't want them to come in and I'm scrubbing a man down. I'm holding space, it makes them uncomfortable. So for women who come into the van, it's just women, except for me and Kurt.

• 1:30:28Speaker 03

  Do they get oatmeal, too?

• 1:30:30Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:30:30Speaker 03

  Do they get oatmeal option?

• 1:30:31Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, there's a whole menu on the website. We're offering a discount right now on turmeric taint scrubs.

• 1:30:37Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:30:39Kurt Metzger?

  I heard that's a superfood.

• 1:30:40Duncan Trussell?

  It is.

• 1:30:43Duncan Trussell?

  It is, absolutely is. It's good. I'll tell you, I've seen women, I've seen women with Bell's palsy, I've seen women with, with chronic twitches, I've seen women with hysterical paralysis, I have seen women with Dervinger's syndrome, and I rubbed Tamerik on their taint, and they are, you bring them home, you bring them home, and the family, they think it's a different person, they think you swapped the woman out, and it's like, no, this is your mom.

• 1:31:11Kurt Metzger?

  What kind of syndrome?

• 1:31:13Duncan Trussell?

  Deveris syndrome.

• 1:31:14Kurt Metzger?

  No kidding?

• 1:31:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, and they said that was incurable.

• 1:31:19Duncan Trussell?

  Not incurable, it's all in the taint, and you just put that, and I love it, I'll tell you, that's, when you're in the van, and you put that first scrub on the taint, they hiss, when they have that syndrome, they'll hiss, as you're going down and putting it on, they, and you watch that hiss, turn into like, sometimes crying.

• 1:31:37Kurt Metzger?

  Make some bacon, fry some bacon.

• 1:31:39Duncan Trussell?

  You got it, you got it.

• 1:31:41Kurt Metzger?

  A little crackle in the system.

• 1:31:42Duncan Trussell?

  It is one of the great, it is one of the great gifts of my job, and to me, that's my payment.

• 1:31:47Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, if I wasn't so full of the love and patriotism of Lindsey Graham right now, from this Graham, I would probably call you crazy, but right now?

• 1:31:56Duncan Trussell?

  You get it.

• 1:31:57Kurt Metzger?

  I get it, in a way I never got it.

• 1:31:58Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you know, this is the common, by the way, I get pushed back all the time, people say, that's unproven, it's not scientific, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, there's no such thing as a cunt syndrome, and you're making up a disease, but it's, all of it's exactly what's happened to every great scientist throughout the ages.

• 1:32:15Kurt Metzger?

  The great scientist Chelsea Handler had, uh,

• 1:32:18Duncan Trussell?

  There you go.

• 1:32:19Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, what do you call it, uh, myovagitis, I think it was called.

• 1:32:25Duncan Trussell?

  Brutal case.

• 1:32:26Kurt Metzger?

  Which is in large.

• 1:32:28Duncan Trussell?

  Well, that's just one of the symptoms, that's one of the symptoms, bulbing pudenda.

• 1:32:35Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yes, uh,

• 1:32:37Duncan Trussell?

  Bulbing pudenda.

• 1:32:38Kurt Metzger?

  Bulbous pudendum.

• 1:32:39Duncan Trussell?

  Bulbing, it's called bulbing.

• 1:32:41Kurt Metzger?

  Bulbing?

• 1:32:42Duncan Trussell?

  The pudenda bulbs.

• 1:32:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:32:44Duncan Trussell?

  It creates a kind of mucousy bulb.

• 1:32:46Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:32:47Duncan Trussell?

  An outpush is what we call it.

• 1:32:48Kurt Metzger?

  An outpush?

• 1:32:49Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it's an outpush.

• 1:32:51Kurt Metzger?

  You're watching outpush?

• 1:32:52Speaker 03

  Like in the Voynich manuscript?

• 1:32:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, the Voynich manuscript is the inspiration for my women's scrubbing business.

• 1:32:59Speaker 03

  They show them in a bath?

• 1:33:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 1:33:01Speaker 03

  Have you seen that?

• 1:33:02Duncan Trussell?

  Of course.

• 1:33:02Speaker 03

  See?

• 1:33:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, we offer an entire Voynich spa day on the van.

• 1:33:06Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:33:09Duncan Trussell?

  If you're menstruating, you have to.

• 1:33:10Speaker 03

  Only.

• 1:33:12Kurt Metzger?

  It costs fourteen thousand dollars.

• 1:33:15Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, and is that a lot, is that a lot of money when you consider it's like,

• 1:33:18Kurt Metzger?

  No, we only got to sell one spa treatment to get Seth to come here.

• 1:33:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:23Kurt Metzger?

  So, I mean, it basically pays for itself.

• 1:33:25Duncan Trussell?

  Honestly, there's no reason right now, for those of you watching this live, who haven't donated money to us getting Seth Simons here, who are you, what's wrong with you, if you haven't pressed that super chat button, if you hadn't subscribed, if you hadn't put the, just a little bit of that green energy in, then, and you, the next show, there's no Seth Simons, it's your fault.

• 1:33:44Kurt Metzger?

  We only need fourteen thousand dollars for us to bathe Seth Simons with oatmeal.

• 1:33:48Duncan Trussell?

  Fourteen K, and we're, we literally can scrub Seth Simons down in a clawfoot tub here on the show, I will give you some of my favorite cleaning techniques, I will show you what we've been doing for ages, I will show you things that Caligula, that people haven't seen since the age of Caligula, I will wash and clean and scrub Seth Simons, he will be born again, I'll tell you that, his essays will change for the better.

• 1:34:16Kurt Metzger?

  Ball's in your court now, Seth.

• 1:34:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well, not really, we gotta get the money.

• 1:34:20Kurt Metzger?

  The ball's in our court.

• 1:34:21Duncan Trussell?

  And we're gonna get the money, Seth, and we are gonna scrub you down.

• 1:34:25Kurt Metzger?

  And the ball is in you, the viewer's court.

• 1:34:28Duncan Trussell?

  Do it.

• 1:34:28Kurt Metzger?

  How big, or he could just send us a picture of his taint.

• 1:34:32Duncan Trussell?

  Or both, I mean, play ball, Seth, he's playing ball, he likes it, that was, that was.

• 1:34:36Kurt Metzger?

  I heard, I heard interest, I, see, they tell you not to catcall, but did you hear that?

• 1:34:41Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:34:42Kurt Metzger?

  He, they tell you not to be a quote-unquote sex pest.

• 1:34:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, they do tell you that.

• 1:34:49Kurt Metzger?

  But Seth seemed, he seemed interested.

• 1:34:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I don't think, I, this whole, I'm so tired of people.

• 1:34:55Kurt Metzger?

  I don't believe women, number one, I wanna make that clear, I have never believed women, and Seth, uh, Seth Simons is innocent of being a Seth pest.

• 1:35:05Duncan Trussell?

  A Seth pest, I, I don't want people to batch Seth Simons, he's romantic, he's like a romantic poet.

• 1:35:11Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, woke died on October 7th.

• 1:35:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, it did.

• 1:35:13Kurt Metzger?

  It's, it's,

• 1:35:14Duncan Trussell?

  It's gone.

• 1:35:15Kurt Metzger?

  It's like picking up a snake with a fine pair of grabbers, oh, oh, oh, that's a real, oh, look at the fangs on that one, aye?

• 1:35:23Duncan Trussell?

  Looks like you got yourself a snake there, Vagrant.

• 1:35:26Kurt Metzger?

  Crikey, that's a sex pest, aye, oh, it's harmless.

• 1:35:29Duncan Trussell?

  You scooped up a little sex pest snake.

• 1:35:31Kurt Metzger?

  Well, look at the, no, look at the tits on her.

• 1:35:34Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, look at the tits on that.

• 1:35:35Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, no, look at the tits on that snake.

• 1:35:38Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, look at those snake tits, Vagrant, he found herself a good one.

• 1:35:41Kurt Metzger?

  She's a beauty.

• 1:35:43Duncan Trussell?

  Look at the beautiful tits on that snake.

• 1:35:45Kurt Metzger?

  Look at the beautiful tits on that snake.

• 1:35:47Duncan Trussell?

  Lactating.

• 1:35:48Kurt Metzger?

  It's a beauty.

• 1:35:49Duncan Trussell?

  Look at the milk dripping from the snake's nips.

• 1:35:52Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, we're gonna put this big titted snake right back.

• 1:35:57Duncan Trussell?

  Right back in my mouth.

• 1:35:59Kurt Metzger?

  Right back in my ass.

• 1:36:03Duncan Trussell?

  We found a lactating snake in my ass.

• 1:36:06Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna chop the head off it, like a guillotine.

• 1:36:10Duncan Trussell?

  Gone cockney.

• 1:36:11Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't, I'm not good at accents, but I am good at bathing.

• 1:36:15Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I think this has been a fantastic episode.

• 1:36:18Kurt Metzger?

  We learned what tocalash was.

• 1:36:21Duncan Trussell?

  We learned about tocalash.

• 1:36:22Kurt Metzger?

  I got a frantic call from Jesse on Fire about something with Jimmy that I have no idea about.

• 1:36:26Duncan Trussell?

  You are a fucking Hollywood sellout, and I guess that's what we learned, that it's no more a mystery about your stance when it comes to Hollywood.

• 1:36:35Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, just for fun, do you want me to call Jesse and see what he's frantically calling me about?

• 1:36:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:40Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:36:41Duncan Trussell?

  Do it.

• 1:36:45Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it's in caps.

• 1:36:46Duncan Trussell?

  Right, hey, you guys, while he's doing that, will you look up Hollywood Hills on Apple Music for me?

• 1:36:55Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna go out on this.

• 1:36:56Kurt Metzger?

  Jesse, wait, we're on Mystery Boys, we're not live, like, on, on, like, a livestream, but you're, we're like, Heather's with me and Duncan, on Mystery Boys.

• 1:37:05Duncan Trussell?

  Look, go on Apple Music and put Duncan Trussell, it's my song.

• 1:37:08Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, okay, Heather, please hold this by the mic while I have the, go ahead, we, I don't, Jesse, I have no idea at all what any of the things you're saying are, so go ahead.

• 1:37:17Duncan Trussell?

  I will tell you exactly what's going on, and Jimmy needs to take that video down right now, dude. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:25Kurt Metzger?

  Go on.

• 1:37:52Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, you don't care about my celebrating 9/11 once a year, every year, on the dot? Okay.

• 1:38:08Kurt Metzger?

  Is she related to the?

• 1:38:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, that's what I said to Seth, uh, Sybids.

• 1:38:20Kurt Metzger?

  I heard you had a problem with my credibility, motherfucker.

• 1:38:29Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, all right, all right.

• 1:38:38Duncan Trussell?

  Why? What, what, wait?

• 1:38:43Kurt Metzger?

  How could it be floating up there?

• 1:38:44Duncan Trussell?

  All right, all right.

• 1:38:50Kurt Metzger?

  What is it, what is it? Wait a minute.

• 1:39:03Kurt Metzger?

  I don't even understand the call about you explaining the video.

• 1:39:20Duncan Trussell?

  Instructions on, or not even instructions, just my recommendation on how to do the beginning of the video.

• 1:39:24Kurt Metzger?

  Wait a minute, did you say recommend, did you just say recommendation?

• 1:39:36Kurt Metzger?

  So, this is the thing from yesterday on Sean's show you're talking, you're referring to?

• 1:39:41Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know, like, I don't fucking care about any of this shit, you know what I mean, like, I stay out of the fucking drama always, I don't care what people are looking at, I don't care what.

• 1:39:48Speaker 07

  They're investigating, don't give a fuck about it.

• 1:39:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god, get into the drama.

• 1:39:51Speaker 07

  Well, and then like, uh, so, so, I was, oh, me and him are cool, whatever.

• 1:39:59Speaker 07

  I said it to the fucking worst possible, like, if I'm trying to stay out of drama, there's,

• 1:40:03Kurt Metzger?

  Who?

• 1:40:03Speaker 07

  There's nothing on the, like, the recording literally is,

• 1:40:08Speaker 07

  just for the record, like, if it sounds like I'm throwing him under the bus, I'm not, like,

• 1:40:10Kurt Metzger?

  Who?

• 1:40:12Speaker 07

  What are you talking about? I didn't want to talk about it at all, I just realized.

• 1:40:17Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you didn't, honestly, I had no idea what it was about.

• 1:40:20Speaker 07

  That's fair.

• 1:40:21Kurt Metzger?

  I've got great news, you didn't.

• 1:40:23Speaker 07

  Good.

• 1:40:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Jesse, I want to calm you down, right fucking now, okay, number one.

• 1:40:33Speaker 06

  Jimmy Dore has a video up saying that I'm a paid, a person who took money from the DOD to spread misinformation.

• 1:40:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's the part I wanted. That's the part I wanted to know, but wait. No, I'm working on a pilot, I keep bragging to everyone.

• 1:40:48Duncan Trussell?

  Come on!

• 1:40:50Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to brag about it, but he was there and saw the, the clip of the pilot is good, you gotta say that, it's good.

• 1:40:54Speaker 04

  It is really good.

• 1:40:54Speaker 06

  It's a complete lie, this is like, literally, this is the kind of-

• 1:41:11Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, I'll text him after.

• 1:41:12Speaker 06

  This is, this is not my, like, I was not trying to give you guys, like, a good show, like, I'm literally watching my career.

• 1:41:16Kurt Metzger?

  Well, don't worry, you did not, don't worry on that one.

• 1:41:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, hold on.

• 1:41:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what the fuck? What the fuck?

• 1:41:28Duncan Trussell?

  Oh shit, a fire alarm's going off, we gotta get out of here, there's a fire alarm going off.

• 1:41:33Kurt Metzger?

  But I'll, I'll text him.

• 1:41:36Kurt Metzger?

  Excuse me, Duncan, anyway, I'll text Jimmy about it, but it's not, look, I'll call him, uh, okay, I'm in the middle of recording a podcast, alright, bye.

• 1:41:44Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? It's not, damn.

• 1:41:47Kurt Metzger?

  He really is on fire today. You gotta put your phone away. That's fucking up everything. We are gonna lose our sponsors. Okay, well, I gotta get out of here.

• 1:41:58Duncan Trussell?

  Play my, can you guys play, did you guys find my song?

• 1:42:04Duncan Trussell?

  Let's close on this song, and I want you to listen to every word of this song, because I dedicate this to you. Play this song, would y'all? Walk of shame, at night, in your fancy home, reading from the forbidden tome. Hollywood heels, Hollywood thrills, Hollywood pills, Hollywood kills. That's the preview.

• 1:42:32Duncan Trussell?

  You ruined it, guys, is that the song, did I upload the song wrong?

• 1:42:37Kurt Metzger?

  We can add the song in post.

• 1:42:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's only a minute and 12 seconds.

• 1:42:40Duncan Trussell?

  Play it again.

• 1:42:41Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:42:41Duncan Trussell?

  That's how long this song is. Oh no, I downloaded half my song.

• 1:42:48Duncan Trussell?

  I'll send the song. Let's wrap it up, Dr. Heather Lynn, you're, you're wonderful, I love everything you put out, you're so brilliant, thank you for putting up with us during the mystery boys.

• 1:43:00Kurt Metzger?

  Um, you guys said to take the call, I asked if I should, it was a mistake, sometimes it's a mistake.

• 1:43:08Duncan Trussell?

  You better call Jimmy Dore ASAP.

• 1:43:11Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, uh,

• 1:43:13Duncan Trussell?

  That guy's about to, that guy's freaking out.

• 1:43:15Kurt Metzger?

  Stu Peters, I, do people think these things are really important, and I'm like, are they though?

• 1:43:20Duncan Trussell?

  He thinks so.

• 1:43:21Kurt Metzger?

  I've personally been canceled by, like, major US news publications, and I'm like, I find it hard to believe that Stu Peters, a guy that, I think went to jail on January 6th from not even showing up at January 6th, has that kind of power, I mean, he shouldn't have went, but, you know, I think it may be, by the way, fuck four cock chuka. Four cock, four cock chuka, it's one of them fork knife things.

• 1:43:43Duncan Trussell?

  It's been great, you guys, that was a weird way to end the show, we'll get him off his phone, he's a screenager, he's gotta learn. We're gonna cleanse him soon, I'm gonna bathe him down, the next time you see him, he'll be clean, inside and out.

• 1:43:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:56Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that was another great episode, I hope I can calm him down.

• 1:44:00Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks for tuning in, we'll see you next week.

• 1:44:02Kurt Metzger?

  It's just a little bad, it's no big deal.

• 1:47:46Speaker 06

  Red Band is watching.