#83 What Led Victor Marx to Become the World's Fastest Gun Disarmer | Part 1

Victor Marx is a high risk humanitarian, former U. S. Marine, author, filmmaker, and lays claim to the World's fastest gun disarm. This is a three part series that covers his life story. In part one, Marx recounts a childhood marked by severe abuse. By the time he graduated from high school, his lifestyle was filled with drugs, fights and theft. Yet, the discipline of the military and his steadfast faith would reset the course of his life. This episode is extremely graphic. Viewer / Listener discretion is advised. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://lairdsuperfood.com - USE CODE "SRS" https://goldco.com/ryan | 855-936-GOLD #goldcopartner https://preparewithshawn.com https://blackbuffalo.com - USE CODE "SRS" Victor Marx Links: Website - https://victormarx.com | https://iamvictormarx.com Contact - https://victormarx.com/contact IG - https://www.instagram.com/victormarx X - https://twitter.com/victormarx Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram | Download Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Hey, Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the Admirals Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty bites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi. Sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com.

• 0:56Shawn Ryan?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Sean Ryan Show. The next episode, my next guest has the most traumatic childhood story that I have ever heard. Not just on this show, out of anyone I have ever spoken with. And the miracle behind this story is that he was able to pull himself out of that trauma. He found the strength to do that, and now he is saving kids all over the world. Saving kids from ISIS, saving kids from being trafficked. It's amazing. It is a story that brings a lot of hope

• 1:38Shawn Ryan?

  and proves that no matter how much trauma you endure, you can pull yourself out of it.

• 1:45Shawn Ryan?

  Ladies and gentlemen, if you get anything out of these shows, please head over to Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Leave us a review. Tell us how we're doing. Like, comment, and subscribe to the channel. And?

• 1:59Shawn Ryan?

  That's right. They're back. So, limited releases. If you don't get them today, there'll be more tomorrow. If you don't get them tomorrow, there'll be more the next day. We're trying to get everybody a chance to get a piece of the action. So bear with us. These things are a hot commodity. And I just want to say thank you in advance, especially to you patrons on our Patreon. It's because of you this show goes around and is even the part. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, please welcome Victor Marks to the Sean Ryan Show. Love you all. Cheers and God bless.

• 2:44Shawn Ryan?

  Victor Marks, welcome to the show, man. It's great to be here. It's good to have you here. It's been a long time coming, you know. Sitting at breakfast with you this morning, I had no idea that we had that many mutual friends and acquaintances in common. Right? That's a lot of people. And there's more. Yeah, I know, there's gotta be. I mean, if you know, if you know these guys, then I know there's, there's, the possibilities are endless. But fascinating conversation at breakfast. But let me give you a quick intro here. So Victor Marks, you're a Christian, husband, father, grandpa, author, founder of All Things Possible Ministries, seventh

• 3:27Shawn Ryan?

  degree black belt. You have the world's fastest gun disarm, which I'm not going to bullshit you. I was skeptical. Yeah, of course. And till about five minutes ago. [laughing] So, but we've got a lot of stuff to talk about. I know from what I've gathered, you probably have the most traumatic childhood that I've ever heard of. And, you know, so what I would like to do is really dive into your childhood, talk about how you overcame all that trauma, how you kind of found faith, and, and then what you're doing now with the, with your...

• 4:08Shawn Ryan?

  All Things Possible Ministries Foundation. And if there's time at the end, I would love to dive into some spiritual warfare stuff because I'm I'm new with that. I'm new with the whole genre and uh it's like drinking from a fire hose. I know you have a lot of knowledge when it comes to that. So. So, yeah, but I got a question for you, personal question.

• 4:33Victor Marx?

  Yeah, go.

• 4:34Shawn Ryan?

  You're a grandpa.

• 4:35Victor Marx?

  Yes, I am.

• 4:36Shawn Ryan?

  And you're obviously a father if you're a grandpa. So what?

• 4:42Shawn Ryan?

  What's more fulfilling to you? Seeing your offspring bring new lives into the world or or and being a grandpa or being a dad? Or is it even? Can you even compare?

• 4:53Victor Marx?

  You know, I used to ask that question to my friends who were older. I would say, I need to know what's the difference? And no matter what anybody said, I couldn't, you can't wrap your mind around it. So this is what I can say.

• 5:11Victor Marx?

  You know, when you're a dad, you instantly have that provider protector.

• 5:19Victor Marx?

  Role, I mean, it kicks into the highest degree. You just go, ah. And then when you're holding your first grandbaby, the thought, here's what I felt. I'm looking at this granddaughter. We have five of them now, all grandkids. And I looked at it and I, and I just thought, she's not my child. There's not that connection as a child.

• 5:46Victor Marx?

  And yet,

• 5:50Victor Marx?

  I die for her

• 5:53Victor Marx?

  as much as I would my, my own little children.

• 5:57Victor Marx?

  And that was the connection that I thought.

• 6:01Victor Marx?

  It's just as strong, but it's an absolute different feel. This is my daughter's baby and her husband.

• 6:11Victor Marx?

  But I'll die for this, I'd die for this kid. I'd do anything for this kid. So that's how it's been for all five. And it's, it's beautiful to, my wife and I, we've always tried to stay fit, fitness ready, you know, mission ready, we call it. And now we're like, wow, we gotta stay grandparent ready. Holding these babies and running with them, that's a whole different skillset, man. It's like CrossFitting.

• 6:43Shawn Ryan?

  What is it like?

• 6:46Shawn Ryan?

  You know, another thing that I want to dive into about, and we'll get more in depth as the interview develops, but generational trauma.

• 6:55Victor Marx?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:55Shawn Ryan?

  A lot of people talk about generational trauma.

• 6:58Victor Marx?

  Yep.

• 6:59Shawn Ryan?

  It's, it's, it's, it's really starting to get out there. A lot of people are talking about this. And from what I understand, you come from a long line of generational trauma between your grandpa, your father, your stepfather.

• 7:16Victor Marx?

  Yep.

• 7:17Shawn Ryan?

  You've experienced it. It sounds like that stopped when you had kids. What, what's it like seeing? What is it like to be the generation that changes the course of your bloodline?

• 7:37Victor Marx?

  What, what, what great insight, Sean. And I'll tell you, it feels like one of the greatest things you can do.

• 7:47Victor Marx?

  Truly one of the greatest things you can do. And it's not easy.

• 7:53Victor Marx?

  But if a person's determined to say, it stops with me.

• 8:02Victor Marx?

  It will. And the only way, the, the best way I know I can tell people is through God's power. Because many people are fighting this, but they don't understand there's a real enemy. And you can't see them. And it's evil. And that's what oftentimes pushes and propels generational, both generational curses and trauma. And until that is addressed, people will really struggle.

• 8:32Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Victor Marx?

  So we, we definitely have figured out how to make it stop.

• 8:40Shawn Ryan?

  I can't wait to dive into that. You know, I got a guy on my team who you just met.

• 8:44Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 8:45Shawn Ryan?

  And um, he has experienced a lot of generational trauma.

• 8:53Victor Marx?

  Yep.

• 8:53Shawn Ryan?

  And um, and he's always, he's always working on self-improvement and, and we talk a lot about these kind of things. And, you know, he, he never feels like he's doing enough. And, and for a son and his family and, and, and I'm like, look, man, you gotta look at where you came from and where you're at today. And I was like, you're the, you are the generation that's gonna change the trajectory of your entire bloodline. And I told him, I said, what, what could possibly be more important?

• 9:31Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 9:32Shawn Ryan?

  Than changing the, your trajectory is completely changed now in your bloodline because of what you've done.

• 9:39Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 9:40Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, I know that really set in, but I, I, I want, the reason, the only reason I'm bringing that up is because I want people to understand, like, that's the biggest impact you could have.

• 9:52Victor Marx?

  Truly.

• 9:53Shawn Ryan?

  Is just changing the trajectory of your own bloodline.

• 9:56Victor Marx?

  And while you were in the other room, me and him had a short conversation. And I just said, hey, what's the hardest thing you struggle with in your life? Cause those are meaningful questions.

• 10:08Shawn Ryan?

  Uh huh.

• 10:08Victor Marx?

  Let's just get right down to it. He said, anger, kind of wrath. And, you know, for him, and it makes sense to me, he's broken this, and he's be a great dad, good husband. But then what do you deal, how do you deal with and process the injustices of your past? Cause anger's a secondary emotion, right? But it's, it's a reasonable response.

• 10:36Shawn Ryan?

  What do you mean it's a secondary emotion?

• 10:39Victor Marx?

  Oftentimes anger is, it's, you're angry because of something. So the emotion is, uh, uh, and like I used to tell young men in prisons, teenagers, kids who are locked up, they all have anger issues. I'm like, you should.

• 11:01Victor Marx?

  Like what? I go, yeah, your dad left you. Uh, you were abused as a kid by your mother's boyfriends. You know, this, this, I said, what other emotion is appropriate? You become psychotic if you're not feeling anger to the injustice. But then, what we have to do, what do you do with anger? It doesn't go away. You'll either pull the grenade and swallow it, or you pull it and throw it on people. There's no, there's no other means for processing anger, uh, like that. And when I say secondary, um, oftentimes, it's rejection.

• 11:44Victor Marx?

  Rejection's the motherload of, I think, heartache and pain, um, which causes anger. A great example is, uh, kids who are adopted. I just spent some time with a brilliant attorney. IQ's 172. He's high on the spectrum. I'm like, and you know, we're talking and he's some, some struggles. And he was adopted by a great family. And he goes, no, I let you know, this. And I said, you know, the most profound thing I ever heard from a kid who was actually locked up? Well, I'm trying to help, but he just, psh, put this insight.

• 12:24Victor Marx?

  He goes, Mr. Marx, adoption is the only trauma a kid's supposed to be happy and thankful for.

• 12:34Victor Marx?

  Wow, that's deep. Deep. And that's one of those deep truths learned from pain. So, you know, what, what I think can happen is, uh, when a person can't shake, um, anger, wrath, bitterness, it's, and this is what I told your colleague. I said, young man, if you don't take care of that and get that dealt with, it will make your heart hard. And then you will not be able to give love to those who need it closest to you. And then you won't be able to receive the love that they want to give you.

• 13:17Victor Marx?

  Because your heart can only take so much. And if part of it starts getting hard and bitter, um, and I've lived that. I've, I, I remember feeling, why can't I love my wife?

• 13:31Victor Marx?

  You know, the way she needs to be loved. And, and because I had a limit, part of my heart was just hardened from my past. Whether it was anger or trust issues or lies that I believed. And when you believe lies long enough, it becomes a truth. And then that's when you get stuck.

• 13:53Shawn Ryan?

  Could you bring that up again later in the interview? Cause I want to ask you how you unlocked that. So, yeah. Yeah. Oh, cause I have personal interest in that as well. But before we get too heavy.

• 14:06Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Shawn Ryan?

  I'm going to lighten it up. Everybody always gets a gift on the show.

• 14:10Victor Marx?

  What do we got?

• 14:12Shawn Ryan?

  What do we got?

• 14:14Victor Marx?

  Gummy bears?

• 14:16Shawn Ryan?

  We switched it up, so I'm huge on brain health. And so I partnered with Laird Superfoods and they have these, they have a whole line of supplements, but there's coffee and there, there's coffee. There's a performance mushroom blend and there's a performance mushroom creamer. It goes with the functional mushroom coffee. And you know, I'm huge on mental health.

• 14:42Victor Marx?

  Yeah. Neurotropics.

• 14:44Shawn Ryan?

  You know, part of mental health is fueling your brain the right way. And this stuff will help regenerate your brain.

• 14:52Victor Marx?

  My bride has actually, she, she drinks the mushroom.

• 14:57Shawn Ryan?

  Oh, no kidding?

• 14:58Victor Marx?

  Yeah. And she's literally, she's given it to me a few times. Hey, come over here. And, uh, I'm like, Arani, interesting. Thank you.

• 15:07Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, you're welcome.

• 15:08Victor Marx?

  I'm, I'm, I'm looking forward to this.

• 15:10Shawn Ryan?

  It's the, it's the, you can just throw that on the floor. But, uh, yeah, it's, most of the ingredients are from the U.S. The only time that they look for other ingredients is if there's something that's a higher quality. That's from another country. And so it's the cleanest of ingredients and.

• 15:28Victor Marx?

  Really cool.

• 15:29Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah. Good stuff. But enough about that, enough about presents. Let's, so I want your life story, Victor. I want to start with childhood. Like I said, I think that, I think that.

• 15:44Shawn Ryan?

  Right now, I think that the most important part of this interview is gonna be your childhood and how you overcame that trauma. I could be totally off here, uh, cuz I know there's gonna be a lot of surprises, but let's start there. Let's just start. Where'd you grow up?

• 15:59Victor Marx?

  Well, and I'll say this for those watching, I will say and share some things, uh, probably that I never have. And we've thought this through, uh, because there's a, there's a documentary on my life stories, there's a book, um, I've shared some things, but in the film, the psychologist who I worked with, which was 123 visits over nine-

• 16:27Shawn Ryan?

  123 visits?

• 16:28Victor Marx?

  Yeah, over nine months. That's what you call intensives.

• 16:32Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 16:33Victor Marx?

  I've been on Depakote, Depakine, Prozac, Zoloft, Lithium, Buspar. I would go to the VA weekly blood checks and, you know, psych stuff.

• 16:45Shawn Ryan?

  What are you on now? Anything?

• 16:50Victor Marx?

  Nothing.

• 16:51Shawn Ryan?

  Amazing.

• 16:52Victor Marx?

  Yeah. And I never down people for being on meds. I just say it's gotta be short term. So I'm on nothing for mental health, which it's a miracle. I mean, I've got all the records. They had me as an ultra bipolar two, ultra rapid cycler, so twice a day. And I was the highest risk for suicide. And I have, I mean, I've, you know, put a pistol in my mouth, ended up in the hospital. But what I wanna say is, the psychologist said in the film who worked with me, Victor only shares about 10% in this film.

• 17:37Victor Marx?

  And I, again, thinking through this and praying, um, you know, until there's finally a movie done, which we've had a bunch of different offers for that, I'm gonna share some things today and I, um, cuz, one, I think you're a great steward of people's lives and stories. And you reach so many people, it's, it's-

• 18:08Victor Marx?

  And I see God's hand on you, Sean. I mean, I really do. But in saying that, I will tell your listeners and whatnot, I will say things that will probably trigger someone that you don't want to remember things from your past, or you get bothered and listen, a trigger that emotionally hits you, it's like a red light on your dash of your vehicle. It's just telling you, you need to have something checked out. So don't look at it as the worst possible thing. Look at it as an indicator. Maybe some things you have to visit, sit down with someone, and do the hard work of working through past issues.

• 18:53Victor Marx?

  But with that said, I never thought I had a story, even when I first started telling it many years ago. Because when you're raised in dysfunction, it is the norm to you. Yeah. And I've never felt sorry for myself. I've never felt like I was a victim. I had to actually learn those things in order to get like real healing. When I started counseling, the first counselor, and it was in adulthood, you know, I started really having troubles and breaks with reality and flashbacks in the middle of the day

• 19:38Victor Marx?

  and anxiety and panic attacks. I mean, I was starting to unravel. There was no doubt. But my wife sent me to a counselor. And, you know, my coping mechanisms were compartmentalization. And you just never touched it. And you always pressed, pressed, pressed. You never stopped. You never looked back. You push till you get through it. And but things started happening in my life where I couldn't spin the plates anymore. And the vault, the vault got cracked, almost like an earthquake. You know, something that happened in my life where ooze started coming out. And mentally, I remember trying to shove it back in.

• 20:24Victor Marx?

  Or it's like a beach ball. You're on the beach, you're trying to keep it submerged. And you can only do it for so long. Uh, but our behavior tells on us.

• 20:34Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah. You know, you brought up a interesting concept that, uh, you know, you grew up in that and you thought that was normal.

• 20:44Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 20:44Shawn Ryan?

  And, you know, personally, I've come to the conclusion, there is no normal. There's only your perception of what normal is and your perception of what normal is, is what's going on around you.

• 20:56Victor Marx?

  Totally agree.

• 20:58Shawn Ryan?

  Everything in this country and most of the world is compartmentalized. So if you took a white collar family who thinks that the way you grew up is completely abnormal. If they've removed themselves from their bubble and put themselves into, I'll just call it poverty.

• 21:19Victor Marx?

  Right.

• 21:19Shawn Ryan?

  Right? If they put themselves in poverty, everybody in that new bubble thinks that they are completely abnormal. And so it's only your perception of what's going on around you that you deem to be normal.

• 21:34Victor Marx?

  I agree.

• 21:34Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and, um, therefore, there is no such thing as normal.

• 21:40Victor Marx?

  I think normal's a setting on a dryer.

• 21:42Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Victor Marx?

  You know, and that's about it.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPact.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Hey Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the Admirals Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty bites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi. Sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at aa.com.

• 22:40Victor Marx?

  Well, it's, um... So the first psychologist I went to, someone to help me with, I remember her saying, "This is a safe place. You can share. Tell me a little bit about your childhood." And I was completely pissed that my wife made me go. It was one of those begrudging things. So I'm like, "What do you want to hear?" You know? And I started saying stuff like, "Yeah, you want to hear I was tortured? I was tied down, electrocuted, dunked in a tub till I passed out." You know? And I just started laying, and I guess I got graphic. Within 10 minutes, she's weeping. She's like sobbing, and I'm... And I stopped, and I'm like,

• 23:25Victor Marx?

  "Hey, are you okay?" I'll never forget. I grabbed the tissue box and handed it to her. And I'm like, "I... I... I think we ought to be done at this point. I'm not sure you're really equipped to handle..." And she literally couldn't get it together. Yeah. And I left, and I remember telling my wife, "I'll never go to another counselor again." You know how... And it was actually many years later before my wife lovingly said, "Babe, you're starting to become low-functioning, and it's got nothing to do with your IQ or your intelligence." My biological dad had an IQ of 185.

• 24:09Victor Marx?

  And she's like, "You're flashbacking, your things unraveling, you know? When you chase a guy down through three cities because he almost hit us, he was an 18-wheeler, he almost hit me and my family on a Sunday." Uh, he blew through a red light and had to stop and then he flipped me off. And so I, I chased him for three, in three different cities going on the highway. Called, I think, four different law enforcement agencies. We finally pulled him over. And, uh, you know, I remember driving by him slow. They're pulling him out. I'm like, hey, remember me? Back at you.

• 24:51Victor Marx?

  And then we're driving home and my wife, she just puts her hand on my arm and goes, honey, you, you know, that's not normal, right? And I'm like, what? He, he almost killed us. And the kids are back there reading. So it was those things where my wife said, you gotta get help. And then I found the right, this is what I call a soul surgeon. Cause not everybody who's in counseling or has a doctorate or postal digger on their name is gifted to work with people. It may be a profession for them, but we better be very careful when we let somebody start getting into our soul.

• 25:31Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 25:32Victor Marx?

  And I found an amazing, my wife found an amazing gal. And that was the beginning of 123 visits, I guess, and.

• 25:41Shawn Ryan?

  Good for you, man. Well, let's backtrack.

• 25:44Victor Marx?

  Yep.

• 25:45Shawn Ryan?

  Let's start at the beginning. You ready to do this?

• 25:47Victor Marx?

  Uh, yeah.

• 25:48Shawn Ryan?

  All right. Where'd you grow up?

• 25:50Victor Marx?

  Louisiana is where I was born, Lafayette, Louisiana.

• 25:54Shawn Ryan?

  Where's that?

• 25:55Victor Marx?

  Um, it's, it's definitely in Cajun land, Cajunville, uh, southern Louisiana, uh, kind of swamp country, bayous. And, um, my mother, um, uh, she, uh, she married a, a man who.

• 26:20Victor Marx?

  You know, had lived in a boys home. Uh, for a while, he was an only child. And she had four kids with him. He was a, um, and he had done time in the Navy. And he was a boxer. He had, he had these pugilistic skills, then studied judo and jujitsu. He earned his black belt in judo and jujitsu in the fifties. Um, became a bouncer for twenty seven years. And, um, he was a drug dealer and a pimp at one point in his life. So they didn't make it in marriage and were actually divorced.

• 27:04Victor Marx?

  Uh, and then they connected one night. And if there was a, if there was a window in her womb, the night he got her pregnant, uh, for me, uh, he ended up shoving rosary beads down her throat, put a pistol to her head. And, um, that was it. So I was a leftover. Um, and because of that, my mother had a hard time attaching to me. Because I represented him as a leftover. So there were times I'd be crying, she said, and she just couldn't pick me up.

• 27:45Victor Marx?

  She just, um, it was, uh, some type of repulsion. And I get it, you know, I don't hold that against her, but guess what? That, that messes with a kid's developmental process, um, attachment, uh, issues. And she ended up marrying, I think, six times. Six times? Yeah, legally, six times. Wow. And I went to fourteen different schools, seventeen different houses. But the, the next guy she married was a, was a known pedophile. And, and, you know, the sad part is broken women, broken girls.

• 28:29Victor Marx?

  Perverts, predators, they know. And that's who they go after. And my mother had been abused incestuously by a family member when she was a child. And it broke her. So her thinking was never correct, her processes didn't work. And her value for herself was this was the best she deserved. And unfortunately, the abuse with her didn't stop, but it was transferred to her kids, too. So this man was, and again, I've never, I've never said this before, like, ever, but I'm just gonna say it.

• 29:13Victor Marx?

  There was a, there was a government-funded operation called Project Bluebird. It was a different name for, the name changed, and it was a project to help change people's minds, controlling the menturian candidate. It was kind of out of that type of. And my stepfather was in counterintelligence in the army. And we know he was trained in that. I would never say that I was a subject of it by, you know, government funding. But what we do know is what he did to me was textbook of what they would do to people.

• 29:57Shawn Ryan?

  Do you wanna expound on what Project Bluebird was a little bit?

• 30:05Victor Marx?

  Yeah, it was, it was a government-funded project to change the behaviors, thought processes, ultimately to be able to control a person through programming. And it required a handler. And ultimately, it was to break a person's mind, to create splits, multiple personalities that could be controlled. So, shit. I can't believe I'm talking about this.

• 30:48Victor Marx?

  So yeah, in order, leave it, in order, uh, the, the first memory I have was being tied to a bed. I was about three and a half. And, uh, by one arm to a bedpost. It was in an apartment. And he came in and he had a dead cat. And he walked up to me and he said, I want you to cut the head off this cat. And I had been tied to the bed all day. On the bed, off the bed. It was one arm. And I'm just like, so he comes in, then, you know, fear turns into terror. And he says, if you don't cut the head off this cat, it was dead, but he goes, I'll cut your head off.

• 31:33Victor Marx?

  So I, I grabbed the knife and I remember being terrified. And I think that's the first time my brain split, where it literally, the, the pressure and the fear of the trauma, you, you, you just, your brain splits in order to, to still function. And me as a child went away and then I developed this personality that said, yeah, I'll do it. I don't care. And then I cut the cat's head off. And then he placed the carcass of the cat's body, the guts were out, but he placed it on, I remember my blood dripping down.

• 32:14Victor Marx?

  There was some type of ritual that he was doing. I mean, it, I didn't, he wasn't, it, it was just the act of it. And there was one other person that came in. Um, and then I, I just remember him cutting me loose, put me in the shower to, to rinse off. Um, we later talked to a head voodoo person out of New Orleans. And they, they explained that in the dark aspect of voodoo. Um, a young virgin boy is the greatest deal to gain power.

• 32:54Victor Marx?

  That's the closest thing I could think of to it, but.

• 32:59Victor Marx?

  And then he, he did a process over. I was abused by him for about four years, from three and a half to seven. But some of the things he did, I've never talked about it because I didn't, you know, I never wanted anybody to ever do things to another kid. But I've been in this space now, you know, helping kids. And there's, there's just no secrets anymore. It's just bad people do bad things to kids all the time. So, yeah, I've been electrocuted and. What was, uh, how many brothers and sisters did you grow up with? There were six of us in our house.

• 33:43Victor Marx?

  So four by one dad, two by another dad. So they were half sisters and it was their dad that, you know, our stepfather that did the abuse.

• 33:58Victor Marx?

  Did he perform the abuse on everyone?

• 34:05Victor Marx?

  We know he raped my older sister.

• 34:11Victor Marx?

  That, uh, I think she was 11, 12 years old. And, um, because she later spoke of it.

• 34:25Victor Marx?

  One of my brothers, you know, through all of this, he called me one time. And he, he's passed away since, but he goes, Victor, I suffer bad things too. And then he hung up. And he, he, he wasn't willing to revisit it. So there was abuse. I've never.

• 34:53Victor Marx?

  You know, nobody likes to talk about it to this day. Uh, my sister, the one that was raped by him, is the only one that actually came on film to share. And it took a lot of courage for her to do that. Um, so yeah, it was very systematic, very systematic where, um, I, I remember being, um, he would either use Velcro or Saran Wrap to hold you in a chair. And he put two wires underneath my legs that were connected to a battery. And then it was back when all they had was the film.

• 35:35Victor Marx?

  They would run through a little projector and, um, and, um, he wanted me to watch, uh, a film of a young boy being raped, uh, in a jungle. Um, and, and I'm seeing the images and I would shut my eyes, shut my eyes and just, and then he would touch the battery. And it would shock me, which would open my eyes. And I'd see an image and shut it and then do it again. And he did that long enough to where you give up your will. And that's the ultimate. You just give up your will and you either split.

• 36:17Victor Marx?

  And then I, you know, after they, whoever they were, it wasn't him raped this kid. They, they cut him up with a machete. And my stepfather just said, if you ever tell anybody what I've done to you, we'll do that to you. Um, brought me to a morgue one time. And this is where pedophilia, there, there are networks. It's, it's the one club that nobody tells on anybody.

• 36:51Victor Marx?

  And that's why the Epstein's list ain't out.

• 36:57Victor Marx?

  Cause people don't want that they keep things close. I remember being at a morgue, again, wrapped to a chair and watching them dismember a corpse. And then watching them burn it. And he's like, if you ever tell anybody, it's reinforcing a fear to keep you quiet. And, uh, and it works because those are what I call, you know, lies based in reality. And those are the hardest ones to ever get over.

• 37:30Victor Marx?

  You know, when he, he dunked me in a tub till I passed out. And he would do it multiple times, but I remember passing out, waking up on the bathroom floor to him resuscitating me. And he says, boy, don't ever forget, I'm the one that gives you life.

• 37:50Victor Marx?

  And he did, he, he resuscitated me or probably would have died. So as a kid, you can't process that outside of I'm bad, he's good. And it gets all convoluted, but that's the hardest thing for people to work through. Or when nobody else knows. So you live in, you live in silence, you live in fear. And you still suppress all of that stuff. You compartmentalize it, but, um, it never goes away until it's dealt with.

• 38:26Shawn Ryan?

  Where was your mom during all this? Was she aware that this was happening?

• 38:31Victor Marx?

  So because of my mother's abuse, um, and my mother's still alive. And, and I always want to show her honor.

• 38:42Victor Marx?

  I would say that, um,

• 38:47Victor Marx?

  that.

• 38:49Victor Marx?

  I can't hold her accountable for what she did or didn't know. And, um, you know, it's, it's affected all of us. And I just visited with her the other day and, and she, she's still immense. She says, you know, I wish I'd have known. And, um, but at one point she did know. And some bad things that were happening. And she told me literally like two days ago, she said, you know,

• 39:27Victor Marx?

  I couldn't leave because he threatened to keep the, uh, the youngest kids, his daughters. And he said, if, if, she said, if, if I was gonna leave,

• 39:42Victor Marx?

  take your kids, but mine stay here. And he said he would, he would abuse them. There's no way she could protect them. So in her flawed thinking, and this was before Child Protective Services. This was, you know, um, so again,

• 40:02Victor Marx?

  I think she would do it different because we all suffered. Um, and, you know, the, the hardest part I remember is, is when my psychologist asked me, when did it stop?

• 40:19Victor Marx?

  And I remember I just freaked out in that session. Cause I thought we were done, you know, I was doing so much better. And she just goes, Victor, when did it stop? And it was, um, it was after he put me in a vehicle, made me lay in the, the floorboard and drove me to an abandoned house.

• 40:45Victor Marx?

  There was electricity to it because there was a light hanging down. And when we walked in, there was another fella

• 40:53Victor Marx?

  in this little wooden house out in the country. And it was actually in Mississippi and, um,

• 41:03Victor Marx?

  There was a hole cut through the wood floor and then a dirt hole.

• 41:12Victor Marx?

  It was decently deep. And I hear him talking. Yeah, I was seven years old. I got a few years of horrible abuse. And people who don't understand it, you don't run, you don't tell. Cause there's no way out. There's you don't have any control of your life, so you just do. And I hear them discussing and this guy says, I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm looking at the hole and trust me enough stuff had happened where I thought this is the day. He's just gonna kill me and bury me. And I heard my stepfather tell him, oh, it's okay. No, it's okay. You don't have to do anything.

• 41:57Victor Marx?

  He had a real smooth, relaxing voice. And when the guy kind of relaxed, my stepfather punched him, bam, knocked him unconscious. Drug him to the hole in the floor, sat him up on his knees, handcuffed him. And then he pulled out a pistol. It was a revolver. And he said, come here, boy. You're gonna shoot this man. And I remember standing behind him and he placed the pistol in my hand. And um. And he raised it to the back of this guy's head and this high. Now this guy's conscious and he's begging me, please don't shoot me. Please don't shoot me, please don't.

• 42:40Victor Marx?

  And I remember I started squeezing the trigger. And I don't know if it was the pounds of pressure and at seven I couldn't pull the trigger. Or this was just so final. And my mind was just like, I can't, I can't.

• 43:00Victor Marx?

  Whichever one it was, my stepfather, he put one hand on my wrist. And he put his finger over my trigger finger. And then he pushed and I pulled. And I shot the guy in his head and it killed him.

• 43:24Victor Marx?

  He slumped over.

• 43:29Victor Marx?

  He's bleeding out.

• 43:32Victor Marx?

  You know that gurgle sounds when somebody's dying? And he wiped his hand on the blood on the wood floor. And he slapped it in my face and mouth.

• 43:45Victor Marx?

  Like they do when you kill your first deer. And he said, "Boy, that's your first kill of a man."

• 43:56Victor Marx?

  And he shoved him in the hole and he buried him.

• 44:02Victor Marx?

  And he wrapped the pistol with a handkerchief. And he said, "If you ever tell anybody what I've done," he said, "I know where this body is." And he said, "I'll tell the police. It's your fingerprints on this pistol." And he says, "They'll arrest you. They'll put you in prison." And he reminded me of the times he electrocuted me. And he said, "They'll electrocute you to death.

• 44:33Victor Marx?

  So don't ever tell anybody."

• 44:37Victor Marx?

  And that was the last time he abused me. That was the last time? How old were you? Seven.

• 44:45Victor Marx?

  We were with him. What happened after that?

• 44:50Victor Marx?

  Well, we... It was still dark. He made me lay in the back of the vehicle. And we drove back to my grandmother's house. It was in the middle of nowhere. Was there any conversation? Zero. I never... We never had conversation. He just...

• 45:13Victor Marx?

  That's fear.

• 45:15Victor Marx?

  And, you know. When was the next time he spoke to you?

• 45:22Victor Marx?

  It's probably more directives like do this, go over there that you just we all of us lived in fear. I mean, just sheer terror. He's here, he's pulling up, clean everything up, you know, don't, you know. The only thing I remember like conversation was, he'd sit in his chair and say, go get me a beer. And you go get him a beer. I know the night we left, left him.

• 45:55Shawn Ryan?

  Before we get there, who was the man?

• 45:59Victor Marx?

  In the house. We never found out who he was. My guess, my guess, he was maybe a homeless guy by the way he looked. He looked really disheveled. And knowing my stepfather, he probably paid him and told him, hey, I've got a kid you can use. And then we'll get rid of him. That, you know.

• 46:36Shawn Ryan?

  So he wasn't selected for any particular reason. He was selected because he was an easy target?

• 46:43Victor Marx?

  I think so.

• 46:44Shawn Ryan?

  And the real motive was you?

• 46:50Victor Marx?

  Yes. Yeah. The real motive was he was gonna die. And my stepfather would have me shoot him.

• 47:05Shawn Ryan?

  Did law enforcement ever recover the body?

• 47:09Victor Marx?

  No, it would be, no, it'd be years later before I was willing to, you know, willing to even bring it up and talk about it. Because I mean, a lot of crazy stuff happened. It was just stacked.

• 47:29Shawn Ryan?

  When is the first time you talked about it after the incident? How old were you?

• 47:35Victor Marx?

  I was in my 40s.

• 47:43Victor Marx?

  And I was terrified.

• 47:47Victor Marx?

  And he was dead.

• 47:51Victor Marx?

  And I was still terrified. And I, I, I would have rather been crazy than it to be true. And I tried to, I mean, I tried everything to get away from the truth. We hired a forensic polygraph examiner who came down. I said, I need you to tell me if this stuff is made up.

• 48:18Victor Marx?

  Like, maybe somewhere, I'm just crazy. And, and he ran me. He, he did it three different times. And then did a report. I'll never forget, he called me, said, I'm, I'm sorry.

• 48:34Victor Marx?

  Wow.

• 48:38Victor Marx?

  He's an officer out of LA. Then I talked to the FBI. Then I called, I remember calling the town. It's a little country town, Menon Hall, Mississippi. And I talked to the sheriff.

• 48:56Victor Marx?

  And I said, I know this is gonna sound odd, but, and I, for my conscience sake, I've got to just tell you what happened. And he's like, he's like, sir, it's such a cold case. We, you know, and same with my friend in the FBI. He goes, Victor, there's so many murders past that.

• 49:22Victor Marx?

  Nondescript, don't know where the house is. He buried them underneath the house. He said, your stepfather knew what he was doing.

• 49:32Victor Marx?

  Like, yeah. And at least it made me feel better that I told somebody. And, because I always lived with this guilt. I was always fearful of the cops. Yeah, I mean, always fearful. But it's, um, there's a lot of people who, out there, bad things have happened to them. And, you know, it was done in a way where no one, there's no evidence, there's no, and that's what keeps a person in such shame and guilt and fear.

• 50:15Victor Marx?

  And I, I just encourage people, when, when injustices have happened, whether they're abuse or what, the, the shame is not theirs. The guilt is not theirs, it's the perpetrator. And that's one of the hardest things people have to learn. Because they still carry that, especially when you're a kid. You, you can't process it. It gets, it gets loaded wrong in the brain of who, who's really at fault. So it took me becoming an adult to go, you know, oh my gosh, how messed up was that? And my stepfather used to hold my mom at gunpoint with that pistol.

• 50:59Victor Marx?

  She just told me that a couple of days ago. She goes, there was more than one time he would just, for hours, he'd just sit in a chair and he'd hold a pistol at her. And get her to say things that weren't true. Get her to announce God, all evil, just all evil. And I never forget the first time someone asked me, after doing the gun disarm. I had been doing it for years. Somebody asked me to go, why did, why did you, what motivated you to get that fast? And I was like, wow.

• 51:44Victor Marx?

  There's a truth seeker right there, I thought. I said, I'll tell you. My stepfather sat me in a chair.

• 51:52Victor Marx?

  Uh, when I was a kid and pulled out that gun, pulled the hammer back, put his finger on the trigger, I could see the rounds and he would tap me to the side of my head.

• 52:04Victor Marx?

  And he would say, if you ever tell anybody what I've done, I'm gonna blow your brains out. I'll put the gun next to you, call the police and say you shot yourself playing with my gun. And I remember as a kid, I was seven at the time. So it was before the final incident. But I'll, I'll never forget, I'll never forget my, my brain saying, one day, one day, I'll be so fast, no one will ever be able to hold a gun to me. One day. And, and it, it sure enough happened, so.

• 52:44Shawn Ryan?

  What was everyday like? What was like your daily routine growing up?

• 52:53Victor Marx?

  Normal. Just, and I use that term, man. You get up and go to school.

• 53:01Victor Marx?

  Um, you play with your friends. You make a bike ramp, try to jump it. You go play in the woods, you go hunting. Um, you watch cartoons on Saturday morning and eat cereal. Uh, get in fight with friends.

• 53:22Victor Marx?

  It, it was, it was normal in the sense of, um,

• 53:31Victor Marx?

  outwardly, you kind of wouldn't know.

• 53:35Victor Marx?

  Now, would weird things happen? Yeah. I mean, playing with a friend, play, we're gonna chase our brothers across the street. And, um, they run first and me and my friend go to chase them and I heard a voice say, stop. So loud, I stopped, he didn't, and a car hit him. Broke both of his legs and one of his arms, threw him for a little distance.

• 54:03Victor Marx?

  And it would just, there would always be something tragic that happened. And it would be consistent enough to where, Shaun, I, I believed for years it was a curse on my life. That I would meet people and they would die. It was my fault. Or people would get hurt, right? I mean, right around. It got so bad, it wasn't until I started being worked through. Uh, I remember I sat down with a, a man, counselor. And I said, hey, man, bad things happen around me all the time. It's just weird out, you know? I don't know, it's just, and he's like, well, do you think? Are you exaggerating?

• 54:48Victor Marx?

  I said, no. You want me to start telling you? It's, it's unbelievable. And it's all factual. Um, and I remember we finished that session. I walked out of his office and right in front of his office, a man and a woman started fighting. And this guy is starting to beat on this woman, screaming, and he's like, what? So I have to go over there and smart the guy up. And I'll never forget, after it's done, I'm looking at him as he's looking through the window and I go. And car accidents. I mean, uh, it, it just always was something.

• 55:31Victor Marx?

  And finally, we believed that, um, because as a friend of mine said in India. I was in India helping him in, um, super poverty level. He wanted to start an orphanage and he started in his house, a little like 20 by 20 place. And I remember asking him about a kid who had just become an orphan. And I said, you know, what do you tell him? He goes, Victor. I said, brother, brother Victor. He goes, kids who are born in the fire won't be burned by the heat of life.

• 56:15Victor Marx?

  I was like, whoa.

• 56:18Victor Marx?

  So later in life, doesn't matter what happens. I would never get shook, upset. As a matter of fact, the crazier the incident, the calmer I always became.

• 56:33Victor Marx?

  Where applying pressure, shooting at someone,

• 56:40Victor Marx?

  moving off an ex,

• 56:44Victor Marx?

  somebody running across the parking lot that just attacked a woman. You know, everything's slow to me and goo goo. I'm just like, so my wife would say, well, honey, actually, it's kind of a gift now. Because if there's chaos, you bring order to it really quick. You're comfortable running toward chaos to bring order. I said, yeah, but sometimes I get tired of it.

• 57:16Victor Marx?

  She goes, well, I think that's how God redeemed your childhood, so you can help people.

• 57:24Speaker 00

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• 57:54Speaker 01

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• 58:19Shawn Ryan?

  Thank you for listening to The Sean Ryan Show. If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to iTunes and leave The Sean Ryan Show a review. We read every review that comes through, and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show.

• 58:43Shawn Ryan?

  You know, we had a conversation. My reference of time is not the best. But, um, so I can't remember if we spoke about this 20 minutes ago.

• 58:55Victor Marx?

  Right.

• 58:56Shawn Ryan?

  Or if that was downstairs when we were prepping for the interview, or if it was at breakfast. But we had a conversation about, it was here. It was in the interview. We had a conversation about women who are abused.

• 59:11Victor Marx?

  Yes.

• 59:12Shawn Ryan?

  And abusers, they're attracted to this.

• 59:15Victor Marx?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:16Shawn Ryan?

  It becomes generational.

• 59:17Victor Marx?

  Yes.

• 59:18Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and it happens over and over and over and over. And, I mean, this is, it's no secret. I have some of this in parts of my family.

• 59:28Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 59:29Shawn Ryan?

  A lot of friends have been through abuse. And a lot of people on the show that have been through abuse. But you were also abused, I believe, by a neighbor.

• 59:43Victor Marx?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:44Shawn Ryan?

  If I remember correctly.

• 59:45Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 59:46Shawn Ryan?

  Can you go into that as well?

• 59:49Victor Marx?

  Well, I do believe that when a kid is compromised, on, just on a psychological level, predators can tell. They see the signs. You know, absent father, insecure. And for me, I was playing, again, it was in Mississippi. I was playing by myself, running around the woods. And then I got by the chicken houses. And this neighbor guy comes up and he sees me. And I was making Country Boys, I get it.

• 1:00:32Victor Marx?

  You know, corn cob, where you stick feathers, chicken feathers in it, and you throw it, and orly birds down. It's a poor kid's toy. And it's, uh, never runs out of batteries, though. And he called me there and he said, "Come here, I want to show you something." In this building. And it was a small building where they had a roof cooler, and where they'd put chicken stuff. And he pulls me in there, and so he goes to abuse me. And I'll never forget, he goes, "This is what you're gonna do." And, and I just remember like...

• 1:01:08Victor Marx?

  I can't, I can't do this anymore. I'd rather die today. I don't want to be abused anymore. And he wasn't right in the head. You could tell he was like inbred. He was, because he was an adult child, adult man, living with his parents. And, and he said, you know, I'll kill you. And I was like, I just don't care at this point. So he actually. How old are you? I was five. Five years old? Yeah.

• 1:01:44Victor Marx?

  Yeah. Yeah. So he shoves me in this cooler. And I think his thinking was,

• 1:01:57Victor Marx?

  he'll freeze to death. Like a freezer? Well, it was a, it was a commercial cooler, but I'm in shorts. And like a little tank top. Okay. It's, it's middle of the summer, but it's early morning. And, but again, his mind, it's a cooler, let him die in there. So he, you know, he shoves me in there. I'm fighting him. He shoves me in there and locks it. And, um, and I stayed in there all day. I mean, all day to near the end of the day. And I passed out. And, um, and I remember, I remember thinking,

• 1:02:42Victor Marx?

  and, and I, I really don't say this much, but I do remember there was a figure left of me, because I was sitting on these crates, these pallets, a couple of pallets stacked up. And I remember rocking back and forth. I could hear the cooler blowing in, just blowing cold. And it was pitch black. But I'll never forget this very felt presence. And it made me calm.

• 1:03:12Victor Marx?

  And I remember thinking, well, I guess I'm gonna die today. And I passed out. And I think he was an angel. Um, cause I do believe angels can manifest themselves who they're called to protect or. And, um, but I'll never forget, I felt peace, felt peace. Uh, anger, terror, all that, but the last stage was just, I was like, wow, someone, okay. And then I woke up to being carried back. They were running to the house. Um, and, and I was.

• 1:03:56Victor Marx?

  They, they were, uh, they were shaking me and, and they actually were screaming at me. Saying, why did you get in there? You're never supposed to go in there. Why would you? And they looked for me when, when I didn't come home in the woods. They checked the pond up. They thought maybe I was bit by a snake. Um, and then they found that little toy, that little. And then they went into the thing and thank God they opened up. Uh, the, the cooler, cause they saw somebody had locked it. And thank God they did. So they ran me up and wrapped me in a towel. It took me a while to become lucid and I'm trying to talk. And then I'm shaking because of hypothermia and.

• 1:04:40Victor Marx?

  Uh, and to this day, I can't get any type of cold air on the tips of my ears. I wear my, I'm, man, I'm like, I don't care, you know? Um, but I remember them yelling at me going, what are you doing? Why? And I told them I didn't hate. I told them and my family, and this is what's bizarre.

• 1:05:07Victor Marx?

  You know, just a handful of guys went to his house. It was right there.

• 1:05:15Victor Marx?

  Kicked in the screen door. The dad was real skinny, the mother was super heavy. Um, like a bad movie. And, uh, they beat him in his house. They beat the fire out of him, drug him outside. The dad never tried to stop him. Um, then they hooked him, they, they hogtied him and hooked him behind a tractor and drug him. They drug him behind my mammo's house. And then they threw a rope over a pecan tree limb and hung him. They tied a noose around his neck, hung him until he passed out and they cut him down. They left him there.

• 1:05:55Victor Marx?

  And, um, he didn't die then, but he, he later did die. From that? They, they didn't say it was from that. They said it was from a bad heart. So it was interesting. And again, there's some very strange stuff in my story, but it's, you know, in that little group of guys, the oldest was 13. And, you know, later in life, in my forties, you know, I called him, uh, cause he's a country cousin.

• 1:06:40Victor Marx?

  We're not blood related. I called him and talked to him in decades. And I said, hey, uh, and he's a prominent attorney. And he's a good Christian man, but prominent attorney. I said, hey, do you remember when? I had to explain, he goes, yeah, have you told anybody about that? I'm like, yeah, it's in a book. I'm coming out or whatever. I said, yeah, I'm trying to work through telling my story. He's like, just please don't put my name. He goes, it's, I said, but was I correct? It was just y'all because I wasn't coherent and this is what y'all did? He goes, yeah, that's exactly what happened. I said, good night.

• 1:07:25Victor Marx?

  So, um, yeah, they call that country justice.

• 1:07:32Victor Marx?

  And later, and I put in my documentary, I went back to the little cooler building wasn't there, but the concrete slab was. And I stood on it. I had never gone back since I was a kid. And then I found the tree, the pecan tree was still there. And I remember it had a distinct, we call it a hanging limb. It was still there. I couldn't believe it. They filmed it. I was like, holy smokes, man.

• 1:08:00Shawn Ryan?

  What did that feel like?

• 1:08:02Victor Marx?

  It was terrifying and then freeing. It was terrifying because you, you just, you remember all the bad things that happen out there. And you still think a monster's gonna come out from under a rock or, you know, you just, it was like dang. But then it was freeing.

• 1:08:31Victor Marx?

  Then you're just grateful. You're grateful that God can redeem the worst types of evil. And, you know, I say it. I mean, at my age right now. You know.

• 1:08:54Shawn Ryan?

  That's an interesting thought to have after all you had experienced. Was there sexual abuse as well? Before that happened with the cooler?

• 1:09:13Victor Marx?

  With that particular fella?

• 1:09:14Shawn Ryan?

  Yes.

• 1:09:15Victor Marx?

  No.

• 1:09:16Shawn Ryan?

  No.

• 1:09:17Victor Marx?

  There was, I mean, there were sexual things going on. It was, it would be, it would be considered molestation, but there wasn't, you know, it stopped at that.

• 1:09:29Shawn Ryan?

  But not with that individual?

• 1:09:31Victor Marx?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:34Shawn Ryan?

  I mean, you had mentioned that you felt it's amazing that God can redeem the worst of people. Did he redeem that man? Did he redeem your father? Or who are you speaking about?

• 1:09:48Victor Marx?

  He redeemed my life.

• 1:09:50Shawn Ryan?

  Well, I don't consider you the worst of people. You are, I don't, I don't know anything other than call what you've been through than a victim.

• 1:09:59Victor Marx?

  Yes, I'm, I'm speaking of God can redeem in a person's life what evil has done to you.

• 1:10:06Shawn Ryan?

  Okay.

• 1:10:07Victor Marx?

  It's, it's that, I mean, that's miraculous. Because you can't stop evil. It's gonna happen. Um, but he can redeem, he can redeem the worst things that happen to people. That's what, that's what actually just sometimes blows me away. I'm like, how are you gonna redeem this girl who I just rescued? Our team recovered and now we're giving surgery to her because the guy cut her hand off and he threw battery acid in her. And we've got guns protecting her in a hospital in Southeast Asia. How do you redeem this? And he does.

• 1:10:52Victor Marx?

  Where she survives. She comes to faith out of being loved and protected and learning the truth of God's word. And now she's on staff with us, helping girls who've been raped. Our last one was four years old, being, being sold to foreigners. And with one hand missing, which we got her prosthesis, you know? She's taking girls in and she's showing them love. And I just go, wow. And she actually said this, she said, "I was dead before that even happened.

• 1:11:35Victor Marx?

  I didn't ever become alive till after I come to faith." So, because people who do get healed of stuff, you still need the hope of eternity. You still need the hope that justice will be served for evil people. Um, or else you just live with this bitterness or this being driven to get revenge.

• 1:12:05Shawn Ryan?

  Were you able to compartmentalize any of this as a child? The abuse from, from, from the rest of your life?

• 1:12:12Victor Marx?

  Yes.

• 1:12:13Shawn Ryan?

  How did you do that?

• 1:12:15Victor Marx?

  It's not hard.

• 1:12:17Shawn Ryan?

  Drugs, alcohol?

• 1:12:19Victor Marx?

  I, I, I think if your mind splits, then each split compartmentalizes certain aspects of the abuse and you don't access that. It just stays over here. So you forget.

• 1:12:34Victor Marx?

  And, and then you put it in a vault. And then you stay away from things that might trigger it. So you don't, you don't ever watch things about abuse or, you know, certain things you, you just stay away from. But when the teenage years hit, then you start realizing in a different way, what you do know that happened to you, how wrong it was. So you do, now you start working with coping mechanisms. Uh, alcohol, drugs. I started using drugs in the sixth grade. And I remember thinking, I'm not trying to be cool.

• 1:13:18Victor Marx?

  I love this. Cause man, it moves me out of the, it makes all that stuff go further and further away. And even helps me with the stressors right now as a teenager.

• 1:13:33Shawn Ryan?

  What kind of drugs?

• 1:13:35Victor Marx?

  Um, of course, I started out with pot and then moved into mushrooms, the kind in fields, uh, so psychedelics, uh, acid, uh, cocaine.

• 1:13:51Victor Marx?

  Alcohol was actually really, alcohol kinda got a hold of me cause it was an acceptable form of coping within the family. And, um, So, and it was just to say, then it was fighting anger. Cause it, you'd explode and, and I wasn't a good fighter. I just was crazy. I mean, the crazy side would come out. Um, I remember one time this dude, you know, he gets up on my crawl and he's like, I'm what? He started telling me what he was gonna do to me. He's a big guy. Everybody's looking and I just said, really? Well, you ever been locked in the cooler as a kid?

• 1:14:36Victor Marx?

  I have. So tell me when I'm supposed to get scared. Cause my fear meter is broken. People like you, I ain't got no fear and you will have to kill me. I remember I was on acid too. And he was, or he started backpedaling real quick. He was like, hey, man, I didn't, I just wanted to fight. I don't, I don't wanna get, I said, you're gonna fight Mr. Crazy. Crazy was okay, not a C, you know? And then, then, you know, you, you pivot to be, you know, you pivot toward excellence. Some people do.

• 1:15:19Victor Marx?

  Some people don't get past a depression. And so excellence was important to me. And that's why I joined the Marine Corps. And, and it was like, okay, Marine Corps, uh, this will be good. And my era was my guys and mentors were out of Vietnam.

• 1:15:40Shawn Ryan?

  Well, before we get into the Marine Corps, before we get into the Marine Corps, what was the conversation between you, your mother and your siblings? Did anybody, did you guys talk about what?

• 1:15:53Victor Marx?

  Never.

• 1:15:54Shawn Ryan?

  Nothing?

• 1:15:55Victor Marx?

  No.

• 1:15:56Shawn Ryan?

  Were you aware of what was happening to your siblings and your mother? Or did all this?

• 1:16:04Victor Marx?

  You, you knew some things like,

• 1:16:13Victor Marx?

  you know, as kids, we'd be, we'd be, he'd make us sit on the couch. And he'd take one kid in the bedroom and beat him, beat him on a belt until, and you just hear him screaming, screaming, and then long, horrible beatings and then, and he would say, anybody else wanna lie?

• 1:16:36Victor Marx?

  Anybody, and you're just, my mother never stood up for us. She's petrified, because she had horrible things happen to her behind closed doors.

• 1:16:49Victor Marx?

  So, to this day, we don't talk about it.

• 1:16:54Victor Marx?

  I mean, you know, if some family members get, you know, high or something, or drunk, or, you know, maybe there'll be a moment, my, my brother, who was one of my best friends before he passed away, we would talk about it. We would talk about it and he would just, you know, so we would feel sane. And that felt good. But you bring it up with my mom, she'd start to collapse emotionally. You know, literally, just, I can't, I can't. And, um, yeah, it's just all taboo.

• 1:17:36Shawn Ryan?

  When did you discover that your stepfather was involved in Project Bluebird?

• 1:17:45Victor Marx?

  I was speaking at an event, and it was early on when I started sharing my story.

• 1:17:55Shawn Ryan?

  40s?

• 1:17:56Victor Marx?

  Earlier.

• 1:17:57Shawn Ryan?

  30s?

• 1:17:58Victor Marx?

  Yeah, it was in my 30s.

• 1:18:03Victor Marx?

  Late 30s. Cause like I share it and then after that I kind of backed off. There was one time I shared a few things. And then I get a phone call from a lady, a retard of the NSA. And she said, hey, you said a few things tonight that I think you should be aware of. And I'm like, yeah. And so she, she explained who she was. And I found out who she was. And she goes, uh,

• 1:18:40Victor Marx?

  I think you should research a thing called Project Bluebird. For your own personal like mental health to understand, maybe there were some things that happened to you that fell in line with kind of this approach. I was like,

• 1:18:57Victor Marx?

  okay, what's it called? She told me. Then I researched it. I'll never forget reading some of the techniques and approaches and outcomes. I remember just, just my eyes were leaking. Just my insides were just being twisted. I'm like, oh my gosh. And, and it was in a time period. It, it fit the time period.

• 1:19:27Victor Marx?

  And I remember thinking, so I,

• 1:19:32Victor Marx?

  I visited with her after this. I said, what do I do with this information? She goes, nothing. She goes, be very careful who you talk to about it. She goes,

• 1:19:45Victor Marx?

  she goes, the general public's not ready to believe some of this, even though it's all declassified and it's, there's ample. I mean, it was congressional hearings, there was. And she goes, but, she goes, I'm only letting you know because for your own mental health, because you'll, I don't want you to struggle. You can reach a lot of people. So she said, be careful who you tell. And, you know, it's been years now, a couple of decades. And we live in a different culture and environment now. Things have changed so much. Like back then, we could never imagine a teenager cutting their breast off to become

• 1:20:30Victor Marx?

  a guy. We couldn't imagine a doctor wanting to prescribe hormone blockers to, because someone says, I'm not who I feel. It's, everything's extreme now. And I'm like, heck, that's, it's declassified. There's people being abused, and I see it all over the world. I'm like, huh. Yeah, I don't, and I never have, I've never thought I've had the most extreme case of child abuse, never. You know, because everybody's pain is relative. And that's

• 1:21:11Victor Marx?

  what I do know. A person can be so wounded by just a father telling them, you'll never amount to anything. Or you are a mistake. Or, you know, just one word can create a wound so deep in a young person's heart, that it's the same pain I feel. It's the same pain I feel at the same level of my years of abuse. When I tell people, the consequences are different, though. That's the difference. Pain's the same, the consequences are different.

• 1:21:53Shawn Ryan?

  Going back, knowing what you know now,

• 1:21:58Shawn Ryan?

  is there anything, the reason I'm asking this is not to,

• 1:22:04Shawn Ryan?

  we've already revisited it.

• 1:22:07Shawn Ryan?

  Reason I'm asking is because you're not the only one. You know that this has happened to and

• 1:22:18Shawn Ryan?

  you're not going to be the last.

• 1:22:19Victor Marx?

  Right.

• 1:22:20Shawn Ryan?

  And, um, and so for people that are watching this who have been through that or are going to go through that, or are going through that, is there anything that you think you could have done as a child that would have

• 1:22:39Shawn Ryan?

  changed the course?

• 1:22:43Victor Marx?

  That's a great question.

• 1:22:47Victor Marx?

  During that time period, the 60s and early 70s, no.

• 1:22:56Victor Marx?

  The, the situation we were in,

• 1:23:00Victor Marx?

  the, the inability for my mother to provide protector, you know?

• 1:23:08Victor Marx?

  No. I think today, if somebody's in it, if there's a young person who's being abused in any way, I think they have a much better chance at help because of where our culture's come to fight against it by calling the police, telling a teacher, tell someone. And, um, there, there's far more greater resources. I mean, no one talked about trafficking back then or abuse. And, um, you know,

• 1:23:45Victor Marx?

  my stepfather brought me to a doctor's office one night and other people abused me.

• 1:23:54Victor Marx?

  So, as a kid, are you gonna... Am I gonna tell a doctor? I don't trust anybody. I remember me and a girl being in a house where it looked like they were having a party. But it was dark, it was weird. And, um...

• 1:24:18Victor Marx?

  Us being put in a coffin in the living room.

• 1:24:25Victor Marx?

  Them closing it.

• 1:24:29Victor Marx?

  Them being brought to a bedroom. And

• 1:24:35Victor Marx?

  as a kid, you just remember this as a cloth. And nothing, it didn't smell. He put it on you, and then you're out. And I remember what, seeing the girl being abused by people coming in. And thinking, I... The one thing I'll never forget is her eyes. I remember her looking at me.

• 1:25:07Victor Marx?

  Man, she was just gone.

• 1:25:13Victor Marx?

  Her soul left her body.

• 1:25:17Victor Marx?

  That's the one image

• 1:25:21Victor Marx?

  I've never been able to get out of my mind.

• 1:25:25Victor Marx?

  Man, we were young, six.

• 1:25:30Victor Marx?

  She had dark hair. She's just a little girl. But people were using her. So pedophilia and these are networks, they've always been around. Perverse have been around since the beginning. But I would tell people, you know, and I'd tell kids, you know, tell someone. Keep telling people. Because the biggest thing, you take a survey of victims, the biggest thing is they don't believe anybody or believe them. Because fear is always reinforced with abuse.

• 1:26:12Victor Marx?

  It is part of the methodology to keep a victim quiet. And they'll kill you, they'll kill your family. And you know, one out of three girls will be abused before she's 18. One out of five boys. This is the epidemic that's quiet. And it's so pervasive. And I'm, I've said this and I'll say it right here. What the United States, with a culture, what people don't really realize is the big play for the perversion, people in that world,

• 1:26:57Victor Marx?

  is to legalize pedophilia. That's the goal. And it's coming. It's not the LGBTQ trans, that's all preparatory. It's almost like just dropping ordinance to soften everything up to, to make people un, like not shocked anymore. Legally, legislatively, culturally, they want pedophilia to be accepted. That's, that's the play.

• 1:27:34Shawn Ryan?

  I know you're right. We've covered it several times on this show and given multiple examples of some of the legislation that's being passed and brushed over. And, uh, and it's spreading. It's in multiple states now. But, um, yeah. I know you're right.

• 1:28:04Victor Marx?

  Yeah. The other thing I would tell adult survivors is, you know, don't lose hope. And again, the shame isn't yours, the guilt's not yours.

• 1:28:16Victor Marx?

  And even siblings who would hear someone they love being abused, and they couldn't do anything. I've worked with so many men who are just like, "I couldn't stop it. I, I couldn't stop it." And they join the military and want to go kill people. You know, they're transferring their anger and like, man, I... So, it's...

• 1:28:47Victor Marx?

  To make sense of it all, that's why we have to talk about the, the spiritual realm. But also, and this is the hardest thing I've ever done. This, and it's probably been the most important, Sean. I tell people, I love weapons. You know, from wanting to be one, to use them. The best weapon I've ever used for my soul is forgiveness.

• 1:29:18Victor Marx?

  And we have to define it. We as a culture don't really know what forgiveness is. The best definition I can give is forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt someone back for hurting you.

• 1:29:36Victor Marx?

  I've never heard of it put like that.

• 1:29:43Victor Marx?

  We're not minimizing the offense. We're not giving people a pass. We're not saying, "Oh, you know, it's okay." No. That person is guilty, dead to rights. We're not, we're not navigating around justice. Because there are some people I've forgiven. And even for abuse for someone else. But there's a justice piece, there's consequences for your actions. There's, there are people that I can forgive, but they wouldn't be allowed on my property. Because there's zero trust.

• 1:30:25Victor Marx?

  Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation, sometimes.

• 1:30:31Victor Marx?

  But forgiveness is giving up our right to hurt someone back for hurting us.

• 1:30:41Shawn Ryan?

  I struggle a lot with forgiveness.

• 1:30:43Victor Marx?

  Of course.

• 1:30:43Shawn Ryan?

  And, um, you know, I don't.

• 1:30:51Shawn Ryan?

  It's

• 1:30:53Shawn Ryan?

  hard to let things go, you know, but what I am realizing is that forgiveness is for you. Because

• 1:31:02Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:03Shawn Ryan?

  the person you're forgiving probably doesn't really give a shit if you forgive them or not. It's, it's the internal rage that goes away when you do, when you do learn how to forgive.

• 1:31:20Victor Marx?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:20Shawn Ryan?

  And, um,

• 1:31:23Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know what the recipe is other than time.

• 1:31:30Victor Marx?

  Well, there's different. Can I, can I share my?

• 1:31:36Shawn Ryan?

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:37Victor Marx?

  Hardest person I ever had to forgive?

• 1:31:39Shawn Ryan?

  Yes, please do.

• 1:31:41Victor Marx?

  My stepfather.

• 1:31:45Victor Marx?

  It was later in life.

• 1:31:48Victor Marx?

  And I was traveling, speaking. Um, I used to work for a Dr. James Dobson, who, he is an old G legend on family psychology.

• 1:32:06Victor Marx?

  I mean, there's no one out there that has been better than him. He was the early Peterson. Seventies, eighties. But I worked with him and he was a boss, then he became a mentor, then he became a friend. And he's actually still alive, he's in his eighties. I'm speaking next month, that is, for an event with him, but

• 1:32:32Victor Marx?

  I was traveling for him.

• 1:32:35Victor Marx?

  And I passed through this little town in Mississippi.

• 1:32:41Victor Marx?

  And I was like, this is how compartmentalization works. I'm driving through this little town called Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and I went, "Oh, my gosh, this is where we lived.

• 1:32:57Victor Marx?

  This is where we escaped from him."

• 1:33:01Victor Marx?

  And I was like, "Oh, my gosh." And then I felt God's Spirit bring me peace and say,

• 1:33:13Victor Marx?

  "You need to find him and just visit with him." I'm like, and I know he was still alive. He went to prison and he escaped a federal penitentiary in the state of Alabama, fled the country. He was never caught.

• 1:33:36Victor Marx?

  They end up, years later, he turned himself back in. Did his time. So I called my, my half-sister and I said, "Hey, is your dad in the series?" She goes, "Yeah." She's like, "You gonna see him?" I said, "I feel like God wants me to."

• 1:33:57Victor Marx?

  So got his information. He was living in a little trailer on a river. Pores, everything. This is a guy who had wealth before, was in the, he was in the oil and gas business and then, you know, his brother was a prominent attorney in Jackson, Mississippi. So he, he wasn't, I mean, to give people a visual, he, he was a learned, educated, you know, man, degree.

• 1:34:30Victor Marx?

  Did counterintelligence. His favorite read was Hemingway.

• 1:34:36Victor Marx?

  And he was the pedophile. So I went and found him. I knocked on his door. And he opened this little trailer door. He was shocked because I wasn't this kid anymore. I was a full grown man.

• 1:34:52Victor Marx?

  How old were you? At that time, I was in my 30s, like late 30s.

• 1:35:03Victor Marx?

  And I mean, dialed in, you know, like.

• 1:35:08Shawn Ryan?

  How much time had lapsed since you'd seen him last?

• 1:35:11Victor Marx?

  Oh, I would say

• 1:35:16Victor Marx?

  twenty years.

• 1:35:19Victor Marx?

  Yeah. Twenty years since I'd seen him, I believe.

• 1:35:26Victor Marx?

  And, um,

• 1:35:29Victor Marx?

  so, you know, he's like, hey, what are you doing here? I said, I just felt like I was supposed to come visit you. And instantly he poured a drink. And he had done his time. He had actually had open heart surgery. I could see a scar. Fresh, like really fresh. And you know what he tried to do right away? He tried to intimidate me.

• 1:35:54Shawn Ryan?

  Really?

• 1:35:54Victor Marx?

  This man's like seventy now.

• 1:35:58Victor Marx?

  And he goes, you know how easy it is to kill a man with a wire, Victor?

• 1:36:04Victor Marx?

  Because remember the cadaver? He, he, he's like cutting the cadaver's head off. So I know he's trying to trigger me. And I'm like, mm-hmm. And he tries to say a couple of things and then I'm standing in his house by a wall. He has like a basketball. He grabs it and he fires it at my head. I'll never forget, he's just boom, and it goes boom. I'm like, look here. I ain't no kid anymore. I don't know what you're trying. I'm a full grown ass man. Marine. Master martial arts. I'm like,

• 1:36:48Victor Marx?

  and I could make you go away. So stop with all the head trips and the that, that doesn't work for me anymore. And I was like, I'll unzip you.

• 1:37:01Victor Marx?

  Push you in that river. And I guarantee you, no one with our history, no one would have blamed me. I probably, especially in that area, they probably never would have pressed charges. But again, I could feel like God's spirit on me. That's what's supernatural about all this. Cause there's some people you can't forgive. Emotionally, rationally, it's impossible. He's one of them. And, but that's a supernatural. When you know how much you've been forgiven by God. And he's just like, just be willing to give up your right to hurt him back for hurting you.

• 1:37:45Victor Marx?

  Just be willing and I'll give you the power. I'll give you the supernatural strength. So the conversation didn't go great. I ended up this, I ended up giving him a hundred dollars. Cause I felt like God's spirit told me, give him money. I'm like, I got a young family, this hundred bucks in my pocket. I literally need for diapers and milk. And again, now, now I'm resisting God's spirit, what I believe is God's spirit to obey. I'm like, oh my gosh. So I took out the money, I said, it's for you.

• 1:38:30Victor Marx?

  He goes, boy, you don't owe me nothing. And I mean, I was already like ready to explode. I'm like, I never said I owed you anything. God told me to give this to you. So here. And then this little moment happened. He goes.

• 1:38:56Victor Marx?

  Boy, I didn't know I was gonna eat tonight. I'll be honest with you.

• 1:39:03Victor Marx?

  I ain't got, I ain't got no money. And I'm still mad. I'm like, well, apparently God loves you enough where he sends me, someone you've done bad things to, and I don't even like you. He sends me to make sure you get fed.

• 1:39:26Victor Marx?

  And he was just quiet. And then I left. I literally am just done. A few months pass, and one of my sisters calls me and says, "Hey, Dad's dying." And, you know, I called him Dad. He wasn't my biological dad, but I thought he was. My mom didn't tell me he wasn't my real dad till I was like six or seven.

• 1:39:56Victor Marx?

  And she goes, "If you wanna see him, it's probably important." So I drove to her house. He was on the floor in the bathroom, Sean. On the floor in his boxers. He couldn't get up. He'd been sick, but he'd never gone to the doctor. He was just, his health was failing. And I walk in, I look at him like, and he looked up at me and he goes, "Go ahead, boy. Do what you gotta do."

• 1:40:35Victor Marx?

  He, he knew. Anything I wanted to do to him, I could, and he deserved it. I said, "I'm not gonna waste my time up in your ass, old man." I said, "Uh, I'm just looking, I'm like, you're pathetic. This is what your life has come to, this."

• 1:40:54Victor Marx?

  And my sister goes, "You know, he's got an appointment at the VA for me to check him in." So we end up rolling him into a blanket. He couldn't get up, he couldn't crawl. Put him in the van.

• 1:41:10Victor Marx?

  Drove him there and I was next to him when the doctor came in from the test results and he's like, "Your body's riddled with cancer."

• 1:41:20Victor Marx?

  He goes, "You might have two weeks left." I'll never forget, the only time I've seen him like cry, he had tears come out. And he never was sick his entire life. Nothing ever affected him. He had a broken wrist one time from punching a dude. That was it. And God's Spirit told me,

• 1:41:50Victor Marx?

  "You need to read Scripture to Him."

• 1:41:53Victor Marx?

  I'm like, "Wow." I told my bride, I said, "Babe, what do you think?" She goes, "It's God Almighty. If His Spirit is speaking to you, obey Him, Victor."

• 1:42:04Victor Marx?

  So I went to the hospital next day and I said, "Hey Dad." And I'm still mad. And again, there's nothing wrong with being mad. It's a secondary emotion, this anger. It's like, "I should be mad." You know, "You're an absolute pedophile that abused and tortured me." And I said, "Hey, you're dying and according to Scripture, you're going to hell. No ifs, ands, or buts. You're dying. You have rejected Christ. You know about Him, but you're gonna go to hell." And I said, "Do you mind if I read Scripture to you about the cross and like your only hope out?" He goes,

• 1:42:50Victor Marx?

  "Go ahead, boy. I don't care. Whatever you want to do." So I sat on the chair. I started reading Scriptures, which is the only truth for everything, life and living, in my opinion. And I'd come in every day, read Scriptures. And then one night, I woke up about 4:00 in the morning. Unbelievable feeling inside of me. Unbelievable. Where I get out of the bed, kneel down, and I start praying for Him to come to faith.

• 1:43:24Victor Marx?

  For Him.

• 1:43:27Victor Marx?

  To be forgiven by God. Because I really realized how real hell is. And that's when I knew my forgiveness for him was real. I didn't want him to go to hell.

• 1:43:42Victor Marx?

  And

• 1:43:44Victor Marx?

  I mean, again, doesn't mean that I have to like him. Or invite him over if he ever lived.

• 1:43:53Victor Marx?

  You know.

• 1:43:55Victor Marx?

  But my wife got out of bed, she knelt next to me, we prayed, and I actually wept for him. And I went in the next day. I walked in the room. And he has a new nurse, and he's laying there. And he doesn't have long. He said, hey, nurse, this is my son.

• 1:44:21Victor Marx?

  He said, I'm proud of him.

• 1:44:25Victor Marx?

  He said, he became kind of like a preacher.

• 1:44:30Victor Marx?

  He goes, he's been worried about me. In my eternity. But he don't have to worry anymore. I made it right with God last night.

• 1:44:42Victor Marx?

  And it was such a holy moment. This nurse actually backed out of the room. Didn't even turn her back, she just slowly backed out. And then I went, my God, I can't believe I'm hearing this.

• 1:45:00Victor Marx?

  And I said, God, now I know why you brought me back into his life. Because he knew you could forgive people. He just didn't believe you could forgive him.

• 1:45:18Victor Marx?

  So you brought back into his life someone that he had hurt so bad. And he'd been so evil to. And now your love through me is showing him you can be forgiven.

• 1:45:35Victor Marx?

  And and then I knew I was done. Right then, I knew I was done. And I just said, Lord, what do you

• 1:45:44Victor Marx?

  what do you want me to tell him? What do you want my last words to be? Because now I'm released, I'm done.

• 1:45:51Victor Marx?

  And I felt like God's Spirit said,

• 1:45:55Victor Marx?

  Tell him you love him.

• 1:46:02Victor Marx?

  I walked over to him, I said, Dad,

• 1:46:05Victor Marx?

  I love you.

• 1:46:09Victor Marx?

  And he turned and he looked at me. The first time I ever heard this in my life. He said, Boy, I love you too.

• 1:46:20Victor Marx?

  Not a touch, not a hug, not another word. I turned and walked out. And then he died.

• 1:46:29Victor Marx?

  And you know what?

• 1:46:32Victor Marx?

  Like you said earlier,

• 1:46:37Victor Marx?

  yes, he got set free.

• 1:46:40Victor Marx?

  But I'm the one that got set free.

• 1:46:43Victor Marx?

  No longer did I have to give a piece of my heart for hating this man. That part of my heart that had been hard for years. Now I had real estate in my heart to give to my wife, to give to my kids, to both give love and receive love. And that's the power of forgiveness.

• 1:47:08Shawn Ryan?

  That is

• 1:47:11Shawn Ryan?

  maybe the most powerful thing I've heard in this room.

• 1:47:17Shawn Ryan?

  Thank you for sharing that.

• 1:47:21Shawn Ryan?

  Let's take a quick break. Next, on The Sean Ryan Show.

• 1:47:28Victor Marx?

  The night we left was the night that he came home drunk. My mother grabs us and the kids who were there. We ran into the back room and then ran into a closet like we're hiding. You know, and our doors cracked so we can see. And, you know, just intense. Gosh, it was intense. And he started saying, "Where are y'all?

• 1:47:54Victor Marx?

  Where are you? You better come out."

• 1:47:57Shawn Ryan?

  It sounds like everybody around you in your childhood had some type of generational trauma.

• 1:48:05Victor Marx?

  I know this. God made us to heal. He made the mind to heal. In the name of our organization is with God, all things are possible.