2 Ways Your 'Icks' Are Ruining Your Dating Life & #1 Way to Date Better with Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham

How do your 'icks' affect your dating life? And what's the ultimate key to better dating? Today, Jay is sharing the conversation he had with Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham where he was being interviewed in their podcast, U Up?. The U Up? is a definitive modern dating podcast where they discuss their take on the ebbs and flows of the crazy dating world we live in. Jay talks about a wide array of topics including the challenges of booking guests for new podcasts, the importance of preparing for important interviews, and his unique approach to every show, offering listeners a diverse and enriching experience with each episode. The conversation takes on a serious note when Jay talks about his take expressing anger, dealing with insecurities, and navigating the complexities of modern dating. Gain valuable insights into mindfulness practices and learn how to focus on the wins while amplifying the abundance of life. In this interview, you'll learn: How to deal with insecurities How to become a better partner How to change your mindset about dating Truth be told, dating remains one of the challenging hurdles we go through in life but it is also one of the most rewarding when we find the right person to spend our life with. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:43 Calming Positive Influence to Others 03:29 The Competitive Aspect of Drinking Games 05:26 The Difficulty of Booking Guests for New Podcasts 07:05 Preparing for Important Guests 08:54 Every Show Has a Unique Offering 11:27 How Do You Express Anger and Hate? 13:57 Did You Ever Felt Wrongfully Targeted? 16:41 Did You Ever Block Anyone? 19:58 What are the Biggest Mistakes About Dating Today? 25:44 What’s Your Go-To First Date Activity? 27:16 Working in the Same Industry with Your Partner 28:52 How Practicing Mindfulness Changes Your Mindset 31:07 How Do You Deal with Insecurities? 36:18 Focus on the Wins and Amplify the Abundance of Life 38:26 Two Things I Look Forward To 39:29 What’s Your Travel Pet Peeve? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

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• 3:10Jay Shetty?

  Mental health is now talked about more than ever, which is awesome. I mean, I don't have to tell you that it's a primary focus of On Purpose, but on a day to day basis, many people don't know where to turn or which tools can help. Over the past couple of years, I've been working with Calm to make mental wellness accessible and enjoyable, or as I like to say, fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to help you reduce anxiety and stress, build mindful habits, improve sleep, and generally feel better in your daily life. So many bite-sized options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven-minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day.

• 3:53Jay Shetty?

  Right now, listeners of On Purpose get 40% off a subscription to Calm Premium at calm.com/j. That's C-A-L-M dot com forward slash J-A-Y for 40% off. Calm your mind, change your life. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. It's your host, Jay Shetty. I'm so excited because today we're going to do something a little different. I'm going to share with you a conversation that I recently had where I was being interviewed that I think you're going to love. It was with the You Up Podcast. And if you're someone who's been struggling with dating, this episode's for you. If you've been struggling with an ick, this episode's for you. And if there's a friend in your life that you know would really appreciate some greater insights on dating and relationships, this episode's for them.

• 4:37Jay Shetty?

  I hope you enjoy it.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  We love a special guest.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Very special guest, um, one of our most popular episodes of last year.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  If not the most, I think.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  The beloved, we should, that's how I'm gonna refer to you. The beloved Jay Shetty, thank you for coming back on the show.

• 5:01Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for having me back. We had so much fun last time, so I'm looking forward to today.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  So much fun. It's great to have you. I, you know, we lit, we are in awe of you and your success. I think that that's something we, we, and I, you came in the first time and I don't wanna be the guy, I don't wanna, you know, I'm a cynic on everything.

• 5:19Jay Shetty?

  I loved it.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I.

• 5:20Jay Shetty?

  We got along though.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  That's the thing. I go, I like this guy.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Surprisingly well, yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  I, I, I walked away and, but you come at things in ways that I wouldn't come at them. I come at with like, I'm the gremlin hater.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. The, the, like, most, the cyni, I would say like, the more like cynical male point of view.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Right, and I, sometimes I hear some of the, you know, you're such a calming, positive influence that like, that you can tell people are just happy to have you in their life. Right? Is that what it is, you think? They're just happy that like, you, like, you're the friend they'd go to when they're hungover? And, and you'd be like, it's gonna be fine, this is gonna wear off, we're gonna have some bacon, egg and cheeses, you'll be good.

• 6:05Jay Shetty?

  I mean, talking about that, I remember being the sober friend early on. I was in Spain with some of my friends and everyone was completely hammered, apart from me. This is when I'd chosen to start my, you know, stop drinking alcohol when I was going out. And all of my friends, I was trying to tell them that some bad stuff was going on and that we should leave this club that we were at. And they were like, you're the worst friend ever, we're having the best time, you're ruining it. And so, so I'm actually used to being that friend when everyone else is drunk.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  You're ruining the party.

• 6:33Jay Shetty?

  I'm ruining the party because I'm trying to protect everyone from themselves.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  So you don't drink?

• 6:38Jay Shetty?

  No, I haven't, I haven't drunk for years now, yeah, it's been.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  How many years?

• 6:42Jay Shetty?

  I think it would be fifteen years now.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Right. Was it not a big part of your life before?

• 6:47Jay Shetty?

  It was a part of my life in the sense of I love drinking games. I love the competitive aspect of drinking.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  What game?

• 6:53Jay Shetty?

  Being out. Ring of Fire was something we played a ton of when we were kids.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  What's Ring of Fire?

• 6:58Jay Shetty?

  So we started, in London, I guess, everyone starts drinking quite early too. So we started at like fourteen. And so the guys would get together, we'd play this game called Ring of Fire, where you have this big pitcher in the middle, that's left in the middle. You all get a glass of beer each, as far as I remember this. The pitcher in the middle is surrounded by cards, playing cards laid face down. And every card has a different meaning. So when you pick up the card, you have to do a certain action. And the last person to do it has to drink. Or the card tells you that you have to drink first. Or you have to tell a joke. And if someone doesn't laugh, then you have to drink. Like, there's all these.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  That sounds really fun.

• 7:31Jay Shetty?

  It's so good. And then, and then every time, you keep drinking more. And then my favorite one was, there's one where like, the more fingers you can hold towards someone's glass of beer, the more sips that they have to take and things like that. And so it's a super fun competitive game. And I'm probably explaining it badly and Google will probably do a better job.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Do you still play the game without drinking?

• 7:51Jay Shetty?

  Do you know, I've thought about that. I've really thought about how we can make that fun. But I, I think it was partly the fact that you get delirious after, you know, six beers.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  I've never heard someone be like, I was in it for the games.

• 8:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  You know, like if they're an AA.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  I mean. I could see that.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Flip cup.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  I mean, you kind of want to participate.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  I played, I played flip water with many of my pregnant friends.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  It's, it's almost as fun.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  That's a good way to put it.

• 8:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I just love, I love sports, I love competition, I love games.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Same, I love games.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Love it. Well, you know, everyone, go listen to Jay's podcast, On Purpose, it's out. What you have, the guest list is something that you can't not acknowledge.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Who's the guest that you were like, what's, I can't believe this?

• 8:39Jay Shetty?

  Oh, that's a great question. I'm glad, I'm glad of getting into this as well. I'd love to hear your thoughts as well on who you felt that because it's

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Jay Shetty, that's what we thought. That was our, he's coming back? What? Okay.

• 8:51Jay Shetty?

  I had such a great time. I think, so I want to acknowledge that, you know, when you launch a podcast, and you guys know this, when I launched or when I was coming up with the idea, it was so hard to book anyone because people had never heard of it. There was no stats, there was no data. You're trying to get someone to understand that you're going to create this safe space and people don't get it. And so I remember that day, which was five years ago. Now the podcast is five years old. But I want to acknowledge the first guest that made me feel that way was when Kobe Bryant came on in 2019. And that was the first year the podcast had come out. His team had reached out because his team loved what we were doing on the show and they wanted Kobe and I to connect and meet.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  His team reaches out, explain that to like Joe Ohio, who's sitting in their car

• 9:32Jay Shetty?

  So this is like his

• 9:34Speaker 01

  on their way to not a team.

• 9:38Jay Shetty?

  Everyone who's in his life. So whether it's his assistant, whether it's a publicist, whether it's a different people who had a role in his creative company that he had. So employees, team members, and they'd mentioned to him that they thought it would be cool for us to connect. And so when they reached out, that to me was huge. And to have that in year one, that was a huge honor that year that he decided to do that. So that was pretty amazing.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  It's a little bit like Domino's, like, you know, Kobe did it, he felt safe.

• 10:06Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  You know, then everyone, oh, if Kobe did it, you know, it's a little bit like that.

• 10:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So I've got to give him a lot of credit for giving that opportunity.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  And since then, you've had everyone from like Kendall Jenner to Michelle Obama, which is, you know, you must just be like, the people you get to speak to.

• 10:24Jay Shetty?

  I am pinching myself all the time. I'm feeling really, really nervous walking into those rooms. And while I'm preparing and I'm feeling, you know, every bit of imposter syndrome that you possibly can when you're doing this. So yeah, I feel super grateful every day. And yeah, it's been amazing. I mean, Kendall was, you spoke about Kendall, I think that was a really important one in our journey of the show. She came on at a time when Her episode just brought so many new listeners to our universe. And I always, always thank her for that because it was amazing that people were like, oh, we haven't really heard her speak that much and not for that long. And, and you know, I think what she shared was so powerful and insightful. Like that clip's gone viral like a million times of her talking about how she thinks

• 11:08Jay Shetty?

  about her younger self and she has a picture of herself at the mirror.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:11Jay Shetty?

  And some, some practice that she'd done with her therapist. And so I think, you know, I'm really grateful to everyone who trusts me and trusts our space and comes on because it takes a lot for that person. And I want to acknowledge that it's never easy to open your heart and open your mind in that way. And so, yeah, each of those people that you've mentioned have, have made massive shifts. Kevin Hart came on and that was, you know, so much fun. Again, he had this amazing audiobook, which people don't know Kevin Hart for audiobooks, but his audiobook is amazing. It's called Monsters and he talks about all the monsters that we deal with inside of our mind. So it's philosophical and comedic and he's obviously reading it. And it's hilarious and you know, being able to dive into him from the perspective of

• 11:53Jay Shetty?

  monsters and the monsters he has inside of him. It was, you know, it's a spectacular conversation. So I think, yeah, all of these guests have made it easy for me and I'm really grateful.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  What do you think it is about your show that like these people, again, like Kendall Jenner doesn't do it, these aren't people aren't doing interviews constantly. What do you think it is about your show that just makes them want to do your show?

• 12:17Jay Shetty?

  I think that all podcasts have a really unique offering, right? Like I think people go on a podcast, like when I came on yours for the first time is because from what I'd seen and from what I was hearing from my team, everyone was like, Jay, they're going to get into stuff that no one else is going to ask you, right? This podcast is going to ask you questions. When you were talking about being cynical, my team had already said that, that there's going to be a version, oh, my team is. My, you know, my podcast.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  He explains it.

• 12:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My podcast producer.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:48Jay Shetty?

  Who is a huge fan of the show.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 12:50Jay Shetty?

  And she's like, I think you're gonna get asked questions that you wouldn't get asked anywhere else. Okay. And so that's exciting for me because I also don't wanna have the same conversation. I wanna have different conversations. That's why I came here. And so I think people coming on purpose because they know that there's going to be a safe space to explore depths of themselves that maybe isn't right on other platforms. And so I'm hoping we've created a space where people can talk about their challenges, their flaws, their imperfections, the stresses of life, the perplexities they've had with childhood trauma, their personal mental health journeys in a way that is relevant, accessible and practical for people.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  I like the perspective and that's, that's usually where I come to with everything I hear from you. It's like, I like the, the road you took because I'm looking at that and I go like, the, you, you're like basically, oh, this show could open a door in my brain that I don't mind opening, but I didn't even know was there before.

• 13:49Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  I have that with like, you know, if someone comes up to me and it's like, I have a note for you for a joke I heard you do, would you, and it's, it could be anybody. And I'm like, sometimes it's like an old dad who's gonna tell me a Borscht Belt joke and I'm gonna have to like, you know, he's gonna like be exhausting. But sometimes someone will say something, I don't even know what it's gonna lead to me thinking or a story that I've never thought of. So I understand that where you're like, oh, I'm up for the game of, oh, okay, where will this go? But I know it's gonna be safe in a little bit, you know?

• 14:23Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And every podcast, I think, plays to that, right? Like if you wanna show a certain part of your personality, I think there's so many podcasts to do that differently on. And so we're just trying to cater to this side.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  For sure. To that point, I have a question, if that's okay. What do you hate?

• 14:39Speaker 02

  We want to know if you've ever had a bad day.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  I want to hear cynical Jay Shetty. I want miserable, horrible day.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Who do you hate?

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Who do you hate? What do you hate? When's the last time?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  That's not on the list of approved questions.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Well, I want to know, like, I want that Jay Shetty. And I, listen, because it's within us all. I, but was there a mo, is there, when's the last time?

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Do you get triggered?

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:05Jay Shetty?

  So I'll give a bit of background because I'm not, I'm not trying to.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  It's not a very monk way to go. I get it.

• 15:11Jay Shetty?

  No, so I'll give a bit of background. So anger and hatred have generally not been a part of my psychological approach because I saw a lot of it growing up.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:20Jay Shetty?

  And so I made notes growing up going, I won't demonstrate anger in that way. I won't express hatred in that way.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Where did you see it growing up?

• 15:27Jay Shetty?

  Saw it in my own home, saw it in my school, saw it in my extended family. Like, I saw it very, very up close in a very extreme form. And I made a pact with myself that anger was not something that I was going to play with because I saw the ramifications it had with other people.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Do you think you can do that with anger? Like, there's people out there that I'm sure, like, I get angry. I would love to say, you don't get angry and go, I guess I'm never angry anymore. Like, I think anger, isn't anger like a sneeze and is it like a cough?

• 15:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, I'm not saying getting angry is bad. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't get angry and it's not a natural emotion. I think it's an emotion that I kind of negotiated with very early on because I saw what it did, at least, in the world that I grew up in. I've had bad days, so that I can relate to.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Thank God.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  We don't express them in probably the way.

• 16:17Jay Shetty?

  I think, I think if there's anything that does trigger me and does upset me, and which is funny because what I'm about to say is me breaking my own rule, but it upsets me when we don't give others the benefit of the doubt. So when I see people not giving other people the benefit of the doubt or giving them space, it triggers me. But the funny thing is that means I'm not giving that person the benefit of the doubt.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  It goes around and around.

• 16:39Jay Shetty?

  So then I go, oh, great, like, you know, and that's what happens. And so, of course, I'm a human. I get triggered. I get upset. I have a bad day. I think the biggest thing for me when I'm having a bad day is probably when I feel that someone in my life is being unnecessarily.

• 16:55Jay Shetty?

  Targeted in their own life, dealing with pain, dealing with stress, dealing with pressure. Some pains coming at them that they don't deserve, that I don't understand. And so that kind of stuff.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Do you have an example of a time where someone in your life was getting, you felt wrong, fully targeted? Or yourself. Or yourself, yeah. Do you read things about yourself? Do you see things and you go? And, and, and, cause I, listen, we, we sit here.

• 17:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  And we know, and what we have to do constantly, and again, we have to like, the thing that is, I think it's the worst podcast topic and we do it all the time. Cause you, it's, it's, it's, it's like catnip. It's, it's, it's, it's right there for you to do. Is responding to feedback when 99% of it, like Jay, I'm sure you get messages. You've changed my life. You, you, and it's, and you probably get messages that are like, I've gotten messages that bring you to tears. You go, oh my God, this was me talking about my farts was not supposed to make you feel better about a death in your family.

• 17:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  And you get those messages and you probably get 99% of those. And then you get the one.

• 18:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  And you're like, you just want to like grab them and go, again, benefit of the doubt. How did you come to this such hateful space from when my goal was positivity? How do you take yourself out of it?

• 18:17Jay Shetty?

  And I think, don't you feel though, and I, and I will talk about it, but don't you feel though that over time you've just become, you've recognized that it's part of the job? Like you've accepted that it's part of the job. So like, for example, let's take Michelle Obama. We did this interview with Michelle Obama, which was huge moment. Yeah, huge moment for me. So grateful. Like you said, 99% of the comments are like, this is interview.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 18:40Jay Shetty?

  Incredible and everything. And, and then at the same time, you have a lot of people going like, why would you sit down with her? Because of their political beliefs or like, Jay, you sold out or you know, why would you do this? And what I've found is that, again, me giving that person the benefit of the doubt. That often that remark is based on something historical far before me.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:00Jay Shetty?

  And has pretty much very little to do with me and an expectation of me that I'll never live up to in that I'm always gonna do things that's gonna upset someone and I've I've kind of come to terms with that. And on the other side, I've found that if you actually look at the comment section of people who've actually watched the video.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:17Jay Shetty?

  The comment section is completely different. Like people have actually watched the interview, listened to the words. Yeah, instead of the 30 second clip or whatever it may be, if they've watched the YouTube version, you're seeing like completely transformed people, even people saying, I don't agree with the politics, but this interview helped me with this, this, this.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  It even annoys me that they have to say that. Like it annoys me that, you know, the person, they always, that person, well, I usually, it's like, oh, you must be an expert now because you were able to see beyond your own initial thoughts on someone? How could someone like I?

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Do you ever block anyone?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:52Jay Shetty?

  Uh, so, yes, I would, yes.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Your stars are just like us.

• 19:57Jay Shetty?

  My, my personal rule is I'm happy for someone to leave any honest opinion of theirs as long as they're still following me. But if so, if someone unfolds me and wants to leave a comment, then I, and it's hateful, then that's a comment that will go.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Kind of your thing too.

• 20:11Jay Shetty?

  So I think that's a fair.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  You don't get feedback from anyone who doesn't follow.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  No, if you don't follow.

• 20:14Jay Shetty?

  I'll take the feedback, but I feel like if you're saying, Jay, I'm had it with you, I'm unfollowing, and then you've unfollowed and you've left other hateful comments, to me, then it's like, well, we're not in the same community anymore. We're in the same space, but if someone's following me and they want to leave lots of comments that tell me feedback or things they don't like, I will leave it up there because I still consider them a part of our community.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  They haven't left the conversation.

• 20:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 20:37Jay Shetty?

  I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry,

• 21:22Jay Shetty?

  and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So, visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  I kind of think of social media as my party.

• 22:05Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  And if you come in, well, I block people even if they're following.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  You block people just because it's Tuesday.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Right, I randomly go through.

• 22:13Jay Shetty?

  I like this analogy with the party. I have a similar one with the house.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Well, I think of it as like, this is my party, the music's playing, you have walked in, there are people here dancing. I don't care how many, I don't care, but people are happy to be here. And you came in and go, I hate this music. Let me lead you to the door. We're gonna keep the music playing, but you gotta leave. You don't want to be here. It's okay. Goodbye.

• 22:34Jay Shetty?

  So, I'm okay with someone being at the party and saying, I don't like the music. They can stay, but it's the person who goes, all right, I don't like the music, I'm leaving. But then they still want to have their opinion be heard in the echoes.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  They're yelling through the window.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Sounds like my mom.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Hey!

• 22:49Speaker 02

  This is a dating podcast. You've written a dating book, Eight Rules of Love, which was great. I read it. Amazing. If you guys haven't read it yet from our last episode, you should check it out now, anywhere books are sold, I assume. But, what, so- You've done a lot of research on love. You wrote a whole book about it. What do you think if you look at like the dating landscape now? What do you think is like the biggest issue? Because there's a lot of people who are, I feel like, very frustrated with it. And I mean, from our emails, a lot of women. What do you feel like is the biggest mistake people are making when they're dating?

• 23:22Jay Shetty?

  I think the biggest mistake people are making when they're dating right now is that their list of icks and turn offs are so long and so wide and so far ranging that you may miss out on an incredible human being because they wear jewelry and, you know, and, you know, drink their

• 23:43Speaker 02

  And spell your other one way.

• 23:44Jay Shetty?

  With a straw, right? Like, whatever it is, like, and I started following this really funny TikTok account called, I think it's called Guy with the List. And what he does, and I don't even know what he looks like because he actually never, I don't think he's posted himself or her or them, whoever runs it. And what they do is they'll play all these found clips of people all over the internet saying their biggest ick and turn off. And then he'll add to his list. And his list is at like 600 now with all these ridiculous things. And so, and I know it's a bit tongue in cheek and it's a bit funny, but I do think it is that like we get turned off so quickly by things that are not actually important in a relationship.

• 24:24Jay Shetty?

  Like, I always ask people, like, does this make someone inept at being a good partner? Or is it just something that you don't like about them, right? Is it a preference? And I think that that preference versus priority conversation is huge.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Well, that's like, you know, I mean, not to go to Plug City, but on my Netflix special, the opening bit is about how I'm on the dating apps and you get in front of it. The dating apps offer you a menu at a restaurant and you're looking at it and you're going, well, I'm not that type of person. It's not even allowing you to smell the person, be around the person. And you say, I'm not going to date a Darlene. And then if you met a Darlene in a bar that you got along with, you'd probably date a Darlene.

• 25:06Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  I think the ick is a lot of time just excuses to not be vulnerable, to, you know, to say no. It's easier to say no. And not do the thing than it is to

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Go into it and go, well, I saw, and then you'd blame yourself. Once it didn't work out, you go, you should have known they drink matcha through a straw. You know, like, it's easier to do that. You beat yourself up. I think

• 25:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  That might be kind of the nature of like, we all, we're the Google generation. This is what we do. We look up the place before we go. We don't walk somewhere and we, unless we Google map, even though we've walked there, like.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Well, it's kind of like, it seems like the issue is almost like there's too many options, right? Where you have dating 200 years ago, you're in an arranged marriage, probably you're just set up and like, that doesn't seem great, right? But now it's like, if you live in a city like New York City, there's a million people, maybe that you probably are in, in the, that you could possibly date. And so you're like, well, I don't, because there's a million people here and there's an app that shows me people constantly. Why would I settle for someone who drinks matcha lattes through a straw when there's just another great person out there that I could, could have. And so I think it'd be great to almost go back to that happy medium where maybe you had 10 choices. Not none, not one, but

• 26:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're speaking about something in psychology, which is known as the paradox of choice, right? This idea that humans actually make worse choices, the more choices and options that they have.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Right.

• 26:32Jay Shetty?

  And this is one of the biggest reasons why we are struggling in dating, or whether the products that we purchase or whatever it may be. But yeah, I think the key is, and I like what you're saying, this balance of having enough of a pool to decide, but not unlimited. And I guess what I'm getting at is someone drinking matcha through a straw doesn't define what kind of partner they are.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:52Jay Shetty?

  Whereas we like to joke that it does, right? Maybe that defines them in so many other ways. And so what I'm saying is actually look at what makes someone a good partner and a credible, compatible companion for life as opposed to.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  To take the other side of that, though. You know, the, the thing that we find on this podcast, the thing that as me as a single person deals with, when are you okay to be turned off? You know, when do you allow yourself to say this ick is more of a ugh, and this ick is funny, starts in funny, but it came from a place of this is not someone I need to spend my time on. I'm, I'm a detective. I'm looking for clues. When you're out there dating, you're looking for clues to, I want to get to know that person. So. You know, the wears jewelry or, you know, or, you know, where, you know, sits crisscross applesauce on a, on a chair, you go, that's generally, you know, a percent, you know,

• 27:48Speaker 01

  I'm playing the percentages now.

• 27:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  You know, so it is, you know, it's easy for, I, cause I see this with the X stuff online, especially online. You see a lot of men, their, their, their, their feedback to it is like, this is why you're single and you know, you gotta, you know, you gotta look through these things. And it's like, well, this person's also allowed to go, I'm playing the numbers game here.

• 28:08Jay Shetty?

  Oh, for sure.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Of what turns me on and off. And if you do A, you'll probably do B, C, D, and it won't be a match for me.

• 28:16Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  So I don't.

• 28:17Jay Shetty?

  But that means, I mean, if you're playing the odds though, that means you're gonna have to get through a lot of people, right?

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:22Jay Shetty?

  Like, that's, that's.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  You need odds to play.

• 28:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  You need numbers.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Well, how, how long have you been with your wife, remind me?

• 28:27Jay Shetty?

  We've been together now for, it'll be 11 years this year.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  11 years.

• 28:31Jay Shetty?

  And married for eight this year.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  And she's basically like your only relationship, correct?

• 28:37Jay Shetty?

  In my, in terms of currently?

• 28:38Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I mean, like in terms of like your, like, were you, did you have other relationships before?

• 28:43Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah, I dated, I dated.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Oh, you did?

• 28:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I dated a ton before I became a monk and then I was a monk and then since I've left the monastery, my wife's the only person that I've chosen to be with.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  What's your, what's your go-to first date when you were dating?

• 28:55Jay Shetty?

  Before?

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:56Jay Shetty?

  Back in the day? I mean, I was dating in my teens, so it's like whatever you could afford, right? Like maybe you were, you're going like ice cream, bowling, cinema, I mean, going to the movies, going to the movies was probably the most common date.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  Well, which is a pretty, I mean, you say this on, on, you know, in your book that, you know, watching a movie on, together, watching Netflix together.

• 29:15Jay Shetty?

  That rub people a lot, right?

• 29:16Speaker 02

  That's like, you hate that, right?

• 29:18Jay Shetty?

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• 30:01Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room.

• 30:43Jay Shetty?

  Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life.

• 31:25Jay Shetty?

  State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Yeah, I was, I was, yeah, I was talking about this in an interview and I think there's, there's different responses to it. Some funny, some, some, some mad at me, but it was this idea of, I was talking about to so many couples recently and they were just feeling like they don't feel connected. They don't feel like they're deepening their intimacy. They don't feel like their relationship is growing.

• 32:07Jay Shetty?

  And I was just saying that, hey, if that's how you feel, then if the number one activity you do is watch a show together, but that show's not leading to an interaction, a connection, a sharing of ideas or thoughts or feelings or whatever it may be, then maybe it's because you're not doing other things together. And what I was extending out to people was this idea that I found, even in friendships, right? This applies to all relationships. They get deeper and better and more intimate and more connected when you're doing other activities together. So I encouraged, obviously, experiences, experiments, getting educated together, learning about something together. When you're growing together, you feel like you're moving in the same direction. Even if you're both doing your own entrepreneurial venture,

• 32:49Jay Shetty?

  but you come back and share your notes. There's so much more we can get from love and relationships that I think we, we miss out on. And I empathize with it.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Do you feel like you and your wife, because you guys are, you're in the same industry. You, you guys work together, you know?

• 33:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we don't work together like professionally apart, yeah.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  But I, but if you look at your-

• 33:06Speaker 02

  You guys had a great gap ad together.

• 33:08Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yes, we did that.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  That was a project.

• 33:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, we did that together.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Came out great.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  If you look at your social media, like, you guys are in the same-

• 33:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes, now we are.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  You're peers, you're like colleagues.

• 33:18Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  You know, so is, is that helpful, the relationship? Do you ever get like, is there jealousy in that? Like, how do you work? Because working together is great because you're communicating, you have something in common, I would imagine. What's the negative, negative part of that?

• 33:34Jay Shetty?

  So the number one thing I hear when someone comes up to me is, hey, Jay, I love your wife.

• 33:40Jay Shetty?

  And people literally come up to me and go, yeah, you're all right, but your wife is amazing. And I'm like, I know, I know. Like, and that's kind of how our life has gone where I make friends with people because I generally am a bit more extroverted and I'll go make relationships. I'll introduce them to my wife and then I'll never see that friend ever again. And they've become best friends with my wife. So I'm used to that. I think-

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Do you ever, hold on, I'm sorry to interrupt, but do you ever have to- Kind of like, look, I have, sometime, there's a thing when you put out a lot of stuff into the world.

• 34:09Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  You know.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Content.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Content, you, you can't, people come up to you and they say things to you that feel pointed. Like, you're okay, but I love your wife.

• 34:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  And that does feel, it feels like they're trying to neg you a little bit. I, I can understand that.

• 34:23Jay Shetty?

  I feel like they're trying to humble me.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  That's what, absolutely. And, and I would feel the same way.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  But he doesn't get triggered by that, though.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  No triggering.

• 34:30Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love my wife. She is amazing.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  But is, is that how you deal with it? Do you go, well, this is a compliment on me because look at me being with this wonderful person that they love? Do you have to do that ever? Like?

• 34:42Jay Shetty?

  In my head?

• 34:43Speaker 01

  I'll let people come up to me and they'll go, oh, man. I was, they were just at my show.

• 34:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Love the charcuterie stuff you do. I'm like, and then, and then I get mad at the other stuff I put out.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Right. What about what you just saw?

• 34:55Speaker 01

  What about the thing you just saw?

• 34:57Jay Shetty?

  That is the exact point of mindfulness training. Like, this is exactly.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Jared doesn't meditate. Could you tell?

• 35:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, but this is exactly, this is why, this is why when we're having this conversation, it's, it's so alien to people and it's not because I was born without anger or hatred or any of these things. The point is, that is the point of mindfulness, that when I'm hearing that, my circuit board internally is going, I love my wife. I love that someone else loves my wife. This is awesome, right? Like, it's brilliant. And I've found that I think if I wasn't secure in who I am and what I'm doing, I think that would trigger me.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 35:31Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's what's really interesting. I don't know if you saw this movie. I think it was on Netflix this year called Fair Play.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:36Jay Shetty?

  A lot of people haven't seen it.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  About like the finance.

• 35:38Jay Shetty?

  Correct, yeah. So it's based on a couple, just, it's a movie. This couple are madly in love. He's just proposed. They're about to get married. But they both get put up for the same promotion at work.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  They're working at a hedge fund.

• 35:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, at a hedge fund. So they're now competing in an ultra competitive environment for the same job. I'm not going to tell you anymore if you haven't seen it. So I'm laying it up so that you watch the movie, but the movie does a great job of showing like gender roles, people feeling emasculated, like the challenges that come in the bedroom because of the intimacy, you know, everything else that goes on. And so I recommend watching the movie. But I think a lot of that comes from us feeling. Irrelevant, insignificant, or unfocused on who we are. And, and I think when you feel a sense of calm and confidence about what you offer and what you don't. So I do agree that if I didn't know what I was doing for work and I didn't know who I was, then I think that kind of stuff would really trigger me.

• 36:33Jay Shetty?

  And so I've constantly tried to work on who I am and who I want to be.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Right. I think all triggers, like you said, are kind of come from a place of insecurity. But I mean, I feel like there's, there's a sense of being secure in who you are, but there's cer- I mean, everyone has some insecu- do you have, do you have any insecurities?

• 36:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, yeah, absolutely. I mean, to be totally vulnerable, I think I get, you know, insecure. I, okay, there's a few things. I'll, I'll dive straight into it. One of it is, I think that some, sometimes when I meet people, again, this is the 1%, not the 99.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Right. And you ha- we have to say that.

• 37:06Jay Shetty?

  We have to say that.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  It is so important to say.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  So everyone knows that people mostly love us.

• 37:10Jay Shetty?

  Right. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. But, but like, sometimes I'm insecure that when I'm around someone that they're wanting me to say something wise all the time. So I have an insecurity of like, God, if I don't say something profound and wise. And, and in the past, I would really overthink that. I'm sure you have this for being funny, right? Like, you have to be funny. So if I'm not wise in a room and you're not funny in a room, then we've lost the room, right? Like that feeling. So I used to carry this around.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Has it turned around now? Because I, I used to, someone, yeah, you haven't been very funny. I just go, well, good luck. And then I move on from the person. I go, we are not. Do you ha- do you ha- now do you change?

• 37:52Jay Shetty?

  I, I have, so I had that, I used to carry that around really heavily and I used to feel so much pressure.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:58Jay Shetty?

  And I would feel stressed. And then I found I wasn't even present. And then I found I'm not even listening because now I'm trying to say the right thing. And I let go of that and now I just act like myself. So if I'm tired, I'll be tired. If I'm exhausted, I'll be exhausted. If I'm buzzing, I'll be buzzing. If I'm trying to be funny, if I'm, if I'm being in a banter room, I'm just gonna be, because I'm just so much more comfortable in my own skin now.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  I'll say it. For someone to like, if you're like, hey, what do you do? And you're like, well, I do mindfulness. I'm, you know, I like to, you know, I was a monk and. They go, well, I haven't had my life changed yet. Like, for someone to react like that is such a piece of garbage.

• 38:33Jay Shetty?

  But sometimes people are looking for it too, right? And I think, so that's, that's one thing. And then I also get in insecurity. So, so I've definitely had that and I carried that for a long time. I, I think that sometimes you have an insecurity of people feeling like you think you're important. So it's kind of like you walk in a room and people assume that you think you're important or that you've bought into your own hype.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 38:54Jay Shetty?

  And so now you're trying to kind of make sure.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Prove them wrong.

• 38:57Jay Shetty?

  Prove them wrong and make sure that everyone realizes that. No, no, no, we're, we're cool.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  I'm humble, right.

• 39:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're all on the same page, that we're cool.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  You're so lucky you're not single. Because this is what women do to you. And I'm saying women do this to you, just, this is, I'm just saying, I know this.

• 39:13Jay Shetty?

  Please tell me.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  As a single guy.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  I think men do that too.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  I used to get, you know, when I was single, so are you funny? And I'd be like, well, it depends who you ask.

• 39:21Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  You tell, you tell me.

• 39:22Jay Shetty?

  But that's a great answer because you're not trying to appease, and that's what I found. You're not trying to appease the person. And you're also not being rude. And it's just an honest answer and you're just being real. Like, that's a very normal response.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  That answer will always, I think, disarm, disarm the conversation.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  It's a great answer and you're right. It is, no matter the gender. If you're single, this is what you deal with as a single, because you're dealing with variables. You have people that are coming in and trying to make a move on you or be flirty or be funny and show who they are right away. So it turns into, oh, you're not that great. And it's like, that's not a, you didn't have to say that. You didn't have to say I was great. I'm just here to meet you, you know?

• 39:59Speaker 02

  And that's the thing with dating. I think that you do the best when you're looking for the positive as opposed to when you're trying, you're trying to almost, you come in defensive or you come in trying to, you know, make the person feel like you're good enough for them. And that's why people do things like that.

• 40:15Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think so often in, so often in the dating scene, we're trying so hard to make someone like us without even knowing whether we like them. Right, so we go into him like, like me, like me, like me, like me. And then they like us, and I'm like, wait a minute, do I even know who this person is?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Right, and you can't know that when you're 22. Like, that's just the thing, like, that is aging too, like, so much of this.

• 40:36Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Isn't genius, it's growing up and going and being self-reflective. Like, it takes time, because I, I know exactly, you know, when I was 25, starting comedy, I remember this guy sat next to me in a bar. Oh, you're, and I said, I'm a comedian, it was like, the first time I ever said, he's like, tell me a joke, and I'm like, um, um, and I say, like, no cards. And I'm like, who is this one? He's like, well, you're gonna have to work on that. I'm like, I guess you got me. Like, I don't know, I know that feeling, but at 38, I would never do that.

• 41:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's that feeling of people trying to get you. I carry that insecurity. I feel like sometimes I'm in a room and I'm like, alright, someone's just trying to get me. And that's an uncomfortable anxiety and nervousness to carry around. And I was speaking to, you know, people who are far more, you know, successful and everything else than I am. And they were saying to me, like, just the amount of anxiety they carry, because every word they say is going to be analyzed, over-analyzed, printed, scripted, put out there to, for the world, you know?

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:35Jay Shetty?

  And so you start, and that's for people, I'm talking about people who are, you know, who every word that they say is the front page.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Politicians.

• 41:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Or Kendall Jenner.

• 41:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Like, Kendall Jenner says one thing,

• 41:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  off-script that's written down.

• 41:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  She's apologizing it for a month.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Right, and people don't forget, like, you look at Kim, people never work anymore.

• 41:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so you carry a little, you carry, you start carrying a tiny bit of that, you know, you start worrying. And one of the things I was thinking about that you raised, which isn't about dating, but maybe it comes into that, was, you know, there was, there was a time when, when things were really starting to take off. And I've generally been someone who, despite challenges, despite things that are going wrong, I've always tried to focus on the wins and amplify the greatness and the goodness, because I believe that attracts more abundance. And so I've generally been that way, and I've, I've always been like that.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 42:24Jay Shetty?

  In the sense of like, for example,

• 42:26Speaker 01

  If you have a win, you like, celebrate the win?

• 42:28Jay Shetty?

  For example, I mean, is, you know, Is it hard doing what we all do? Of course it is. It's challenging.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:35Jay Shetty?

  But I look at the things I'm grateful for far more than I'll focus on the things that are challenging. Because I think that's a healthier way to live, or it's the way I like to live.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:43Jay Shetty?

  And at one point, I realized when I was doing that, I saw that a few of the people I was hanging around with, I could tell that me sharing the growth that I was having was rubbing them the wrong way.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:53Jay Shetty?

  And so whenever I was with them, I would now try and be more negative, to be more relatable. And it was an insecurity that I had because I was like, well, I need them to feel comfortable around me. So I'm gonna start saying things that are going wrong so that they do realize my life is hard and bad and all the rest of it. And I started really just getting into my own negativity cycle. Because now I'd opened a door that I didn't used to open before.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Well, I think a lot of single people can relate to that.

• 43:15Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Where it's like you get a dating win.

• 43:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  And go back to your other single friends and they're not as happy about it, you know, as you are. Well, it's like sort of a silent race, it feels like. Right. Unspoken, yeah.

• 43:26Jay Shetty?

  And it's so hard because you love that person, you don't wanna agitate someone, you don't wanna trigger someone. At the same time, you wanna share this thing that you're going through and you're experiencing. Not in an egotistic way, but in a sharing of the heart way. And I think it's, it's tough. So anyway, yeah, I'm laying out all my insecurities to you.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  No, this is. This is exclusive, right here. No.

• 43:46Jay Shetty?

  No, I have tons, I have tons.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  It's hard, I would assume, because people come to you for answers.

• 43:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  And they, and you give them answers that are very concrete and said very well. And something that they can kinda go, repeat to themselves in those times of their own insecurities. Are the things that you, where do you look to? Where, what's your, do you have a person that you look? What podcasts are you listening to? This one.

• 44:13Jay Shetty?

  I definitely, I definitely feel like I grew up on a lot of Oprah, which was, which is huge and, and very inspiring. So, it's a big fan. But I think for me, there's, there's two things I look to. One thing is, I just love studying humans. Like, I love observing people. People online, people's lives. I read a ton of biographies. I watch biopics. I love. Like, if you watch the David Beckham documentary that just came out on Netflix.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  I haven't seen it. Everyone loves it.

• 44:37Jay Shetty?

  Highly recommend it. And it's like, I grew up following him, and so I've. I knew everything that was in the documentary, but it was just this feeling of like, I love studying a human's journey and how, you know, at one point he was completely villainized in the country and people hated him because he got sent off in a massive World Cup game, all the way through to he's one of the most adored icons of all time. And so you get to see that. So I feel a lot of my learning comes from studying, researching and watching patterns and people and human behavior. That's kind of what I get a buzz off of.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  Watching people.

• 45:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Who on the plane do you hate the most?

• 45:13Jay Shetty?

  Who on the plane?

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:15Jay Shetty?

  Do I hate the most?

• 45:16Speaker 02

  You travel, he drives a lot.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  And I know you, yeah, you're all over.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  What is your biggest traveling pet peeve?

• 45:22Jay Shetty?

  Okay, so I'm, travel time is my sacred time to be alone.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:26Jay Shetty?

  And, and not engaged.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  It is a great time to

• 45:30Jay Shetty?

  Switch off.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Cry, to switch off and to like, really say, I'll eat and drink anything I want.

• 45:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  It's game over. I'm, I'm with you.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Cause you said like, there's a lot of pressure to feel like humble. There's a lot of pressure to feel, I'm sure to like, be the most zen friendly, whatever version of yourself. Do you ever have to be like someone like, this is actually my sacred time?

• 45:50Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no. It's more like while I'm catching up on Selling Sunset and the person next to me going, does Jay Shetty watch Selling Sunset? You know, it's that, it's that kind of feeling of like, oh God, I'm gonna get judged for what I'm watching now. It's like, it's that kind of feeling of like, please don't judge me. So.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Well, this is so great. We're happy you're, you're a FOS, friend of the show.

• 46:08Jay Shetty?

  Oh, FOS.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  FOS, yeah, FOS was, FOS, that sounds better. FOS are, I always have, friend of the pod, FOS.

• 46:17Jay Shetty?

  FOS.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Something like that. I don't know.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  It keeps getting worse.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  We write to edit. Yeah, no, listen, I do, I will say, being in the room with you, you do have this filling energy to you. Do people say that to you a lot?

• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  It's like a star power.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  It's a star, yeah, star power, breath of fresh air. I love it. Everyone go, um, listen to Jay's podcast. Go follow Jay if you don't already.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Read the book.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Read the book. It's all there. Um, he's fantastic. I'm Jared Freed. We're here every. Wednesday and Sunday with solving your dating needs. And we did it again.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  We did it again. We'll be back on Wednesday. Bye.

• 46:54Jay Shetty?

  If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, "That is so unfair because that's not who I am." And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, "But I know who I am. Why does anything else matter?"

• 47:15Speaker 04

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• 47:45Speaker 05

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.

• 47:55Speaker 06

  Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze in there. That's what...

• 48:05Speaker 06

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 48:09Speaker 05

  I'm not the earth, Danny.

• 48:10Speaker 06

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.