When, Why, and What Kind of P*rn Are Women Watching?

We are diving into the truth about women and porn consumption – how often, what categories, straight vs. gay, if women are watching with their partners, and how to introduce porn into a relationship the right way. We also talk about our personal porn habits, masturbating when you’re single vs. in a relationship, TV shows that are good gateway porn, and we have two intriguing emails to unpack (one that’s a real punch in the gut). Before we get into our topic, Ashley shares the story about her friend passing recently, and we talk about the grief of losing someone too soon. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Perelel: Get 20% off your first order at https://perelelhealth.com/gge. Skims: Shop Skims cotton and all our favorite pieces at https://skims.com/gge. Ladder: Get a free 7-day trial and $10 off your first month at https://ladder.fit/gge. Hungry Root: Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box at https://hungryroot.com/gge with code GGE. Hinge: hin.ge/GirlsGottaEatPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  We asked people, do you consume porn? How do you feel about your partner consuming porn? Would you watch it with your partner? And this is the largest spectrum I've probably ever seen.

• 0:24Rayna Greenberg?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back. We're together. Wow. Oh. Hold hands. Your hands are so small.

• 0:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just put lotion on.

• 0:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I was like, you're so clammy. Okay, lotion.

• 0:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am wearing your cheap garbage ring.

• 0:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 0:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  So if you know the lore of shitty garb. Is that just?

• 0:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's shitty garbage.

• 0:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cheap garbage.

• 0:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's shitty garbage. I can't remember.

• 0:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is that just shitty garbage?

• 0:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Is that just cheap garbage?

• 0:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  But this is the ring that started it all.

• 0:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, the shitty, I think it's shitty garbage.

• 0:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  So if you know, you know.

• 0:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Why can't I think of it?

• 0:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can't think of it either. I'm trying to. My mom always says that. That's where I got it from. I think she said cheap garbage. You also say dog shit a lot.

• 1:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I do say dog shit. And the other day I was saying on Saturday that I got the absolute dog shit jackhammered out of me.

• 1:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  People were like, what? It's when you say you got the dog shit fucked out of you. I'm like, please stop.

• 1:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think that doesn't make sense to people?

• 1:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't like the image. It just, it's like, it's intense.

• 1:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's aggressive language.

• 1:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I mean, for the point of that joke, I do mean that this guy is just jackhammering the absolute daylights out of me. Not the daylights. I don't know if I like the construction of getting the something fucked out of me. Like, I would just say like, I got dick down. But to your point, I know what you mean. Like.

• 1:35Rayna Greenberg?

  It wasn't good. I want to illustrate that it was bad.

• 1:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was actually, yeah, it's a negative connotation.

• 1:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. The way he fucked was like dog shit. Now he's in jail.

• 1:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  R.I.P.

• 1:44Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, I just had this experience in the bathroom and I just like, we're not in offices ever. Like, we haven't been like office girlies for a long time, but we're at the Dear Media Studios, which we love in L.A. But you guys have a communal bathroom and I'm not used to it. And it's like, somebody designed those bathrooms and was like, how much space can we put around the doors? Like, we want you to shut the door and we want everybody outside the door to be able to look up her pussy.

• 2:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you think there's too high of a clearance?

• 2:07Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I mean, the sides of the doors. You can look straight in on both sides.

• 2:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  What is going on at Dear Media? Carolyn is over here.

• 2:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm flanked by people on every side of me peeing.

• 2:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  You think you can see through the crack?

• 2:20Rayna Greenberg?

  On both sides, big time.

• 2:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Really?

• 2:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. You should go pee in there.

• 2:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Something to happen also in the bathroom that I know you hate.

• 2:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Somebody pee farted?

• 2:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, no. But like, maybe it was me.

• 2:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Actually, if I ever heard you pee fart, I don't know if we could come back from it.

• 2:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's worse than a regular fart.

• 2:36Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so much worse.

• 2:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  It feels more embarrassing.

• 2:38Rayna Greenberg?

  No, take the toilet paper and ball it up on your butthole when you're going to the bathroom. You can't pee fart.

• 2:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  A pee fart's are worse because you haven't committed. A real fart, just let it rip, full commitment. A pee fart is like, you know, you didn't see that coming.

• 2:51Rayna Greenberg?

  It was an accident.

• 2:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 2:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, and I know it happens to everybody, but like, you should know to hold your pee fart until somebody turns on the water or flushes a toilet.

• 2:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so to your point, like, you hate going into a public restroom with somebody.

• 3:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want, yeah.

• 3:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have a new editor with us that's joined our team and her and I went to the bathroom together. And then as we're walking, I'm like, oh, no, now we have to listen to each other pee.

• 3:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I know.

• 3:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we both just peed and I try to be really loud. Like, as soon as I walked in, I'm like, I'm kind of her boss. And like, I just am like, make, like, trying to loud in the door, loud. You know, like, you're always trying to be loud. I'm like, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. What if she has to pee fart? No, I'm just kidding.

• 3:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you hate that shit.

• 3:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Somebody who works for us, I don't want them to hear me go to the bathroom. So like, when I walked into this bathroom, Laura, our other editor, was walking out of the bathroom. I didn't even like that. I didn't even like having to look each other in the eyes and acknowledge, you just went to the bathroom. I'm about to go to the bathroom and we are both people that go to the bathroom.

• 3:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dear Media is packed today. It's a high vibe. We were here yesterday. It was a little more low key. Maybe people were working from home. It was a Monday. But today, like, everyone is in the office. I feel like everyone is just listening to each other pee and pee fart, coming in and out of that bathroom, making eye contact in the hallway.

• 3:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not strong enough to work in an office. This is hard. I'm not an office person. I just, I can't sit next to a person while they pee. I mean, sometimes I'll do it with you.

• 4:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Rayna Greenberg?

  You are my boss, though.

• 4:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 4:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think anybody looks at the two of us and they're like, Rain is the boss.

• 4:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it is weird. It's be like, I heard my boss pee today. I don't know. It's like, maybe we should have those boundaries.

• 4:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Laura, was it weird to make eye contact with me? It was. See, it was weird for her.

• 4:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Laura's uncomfortable. She's been sitting there, just head down. She won't look at us. Okay, let's thank our partners and we'll get into it.

• 4:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, thank you to Parallel. Get 20% off your first order at parallelhealth.com/gge. And Skims, shop Skims cotton and all our favorite pieces at skims.com/gge.

• 4:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thank you to Ladder. Get a free seven day trial and $10 off your first month at ladder.fit/gge. And thank you to Hungry Root. Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/gge with code GGE. What's going on with you? How are you feeling?

• 4:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm good. I think that's all I have to say. I'm in, we're recording still ahead of time. I'm in L.A. and just enjoying it. I was here for the weekend. I was without you. And we'll kind of talk about why, but I landed in L.A., I drove up to Ojai. And I went to our friend's hotel. It's Hotel El Roblar in Ojai, California. And my favorite California trip, if you guys are just looking for something fun to do, is I drive up to Ojai. I spend the afternoon there. I drive down to Santa Barbara. I spend the night there and spend a day in Santa Barbara. So that's what I did. I don't know. I just, I love it. Truly, one of my favorite things about California is you can just take a million day trips in so many different areas. You can have different experiences every time. You can be in the mountains. You can be at the water. I mean, I just, so that's what I did this weekend. You weren't with me. And then Sunday night I came back and Shashank made us dinner.

• 5:34Rayna Greenberg?

  And it was so cute. He made us smash burgers and he like, did this like little presentation in like the little paper boats. And then he just sat there quietly on his phone and didn't talk. And I was like, this is amazing.

• 5:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and he's just been really leveling up. So if you guys are new around here, Shashank built an app called Kitchen Sync. It's incredible. It will generate recipes for you. And there's a bunch of different features. There's an import feature. So any recipe you see on Instagram, TikTok, or any blog, anywhere on the internet that the recipe is listed, you import it right into the app. So you can keep them all in one place. There's a pantry feature. There's so many different features, but the main people use it to like, figure out what to cook. And you can voice note into it. It's very cool. And you can follow it at kitchensync.app on Instagram and see his cooking videos. I mean, he is just.

• 6:16Rayna Greenberg?

  He's an influencer.

• 6:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's becoming, he's just so good. I mean, this is one of those things. I think he always had a natural passion and knack for cooking, but he's just doing it so much more. It's getting so good. Like, last night, we had a late lunch yesterday. We met with our agent. And so neither of us were really hungry for dinner. We had late lunches, big lunches. So at like 9:00 P.M., I was like, I could really use some chicken tenders. And we have all this chicken from the butcher box. And he whipped up fucking chicken tenders. I'm going to put a photo on the screen. Right, they were insane.

• 6:44Rayna Greenberg?

  So there's like food that's just restaurant only for me. And like, I would never, it's not like I'm an idiot. I can cook. I went to culinary school. But I would never make it at home. It's smash burgers, it's chicken fingers. It's stuff that you just leave to the restaurants.

• 6:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I would never. He was going to chop up some chicken and put it in the air fryer. Why did he make a batter that had pickle brine and beer? Like, I was like, why are the pickles on the counter?

• 7:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Was there, okay.

• 7:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was there dip? Well, I whipped us up a little sriracha mayo.

• 7:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, all right. You participated?

• 7:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did.

• 7:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's my dream. You and I just literally sat there and talked shit the other night and we didn't participate at all. He was like, here's a caprese salad I made for you guys. You just like, put it up on the counter. And he was like, you guys talk a lot. And I was like, you don't talk at all and I love it. It's amazing.

• 7:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yes, he was in his scrolling bag on that particular night.

• 7:30Rayna Greenberg?

  But yeah, it was fun. But you, you were not here with me this weekend and I knew you want to talk about it a little bit. This episode is just going to be kind of a wild ride. We start crazy. We're going to bring it down. We're going to do porn. So I think it's just like important to talk about what you did this weekend and yeah, that's all.

• 7:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so again, we're recording a little bit farther in advance, obviously with us being the long distance now. So we're, this will have been a few weeks ago, as you guys listen to this. I was in Tennessee, Franklin, Tennessee, to be specific, which is a very cute town outside of Nashville. And that is where my friend Stephanie lived. And it was her celebration of life. So I'm going to, I'm going to really do my best. I'm going to keep it together. She passed a few weeks ago. This wasn't like an immediate passing and then funeral. There was some time between. And she's my age. I met her on the first day of freshman year in college and we were friends ever since. We lived together for two years in college.

• 8:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have a group of seven and we have been best friends from college since college. I think it's really special. I think not everybody stays in touch with their college friends or stays close. And so the seven of us have been a part of each other's lives for 20 plus years. And.

• 8:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Everybody came to the wedding recently.

• 8:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, everybody came to the wedding.

• 8:51Rayna Greenberg?

  They've come to our show.

• 8:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, we've, Rain has met all of them and they're just a huge part of my life. They're like family. They know me on a level, you, you, you and your college friends, you've lived together, like you just know each other on a level. You grow up together, you become adults together. And Stephanie and I were always really close, we all were. And after my bachelorette party in Atlanta, there was some concerns we had and she, we really encouraged her to see a neurologist and they found a huge brain tumor, which was like shocking and like, we couldn't believe it. And it was like an all hands on deck, like she's got to get an immediate surgery to remove this brain tumor that had been impacting

• 9:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  her eyesight and her life. And they got it all out. The surgery was really successful. But there was a long recovery and all she wanted to do was like make it to my wedding. Um, you know, it was the last one of us to get married by like 10 plus years. Like all my college friends got married in their twenties. She had been divorced. She had been divorced for about 10 years and she has a daughter, uh, who is now 12. And my friends have since even expressed to me how much, how important it was for her to be there for the wedding. And that was like a date she had in her mind. And we were in constant communication. Obviously it was like, we're checking on her every day, doing everything that we could, rallying around her. And I was like, of course, if you can't make it to the wedding, you can't

• 10:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  make it to the wedding. But she really, really wanted to. And I had like an hour long phone conversation with her in that window of time between August, when she had the surgery, and November. And she was like, I think I'm going to be able to do it. And she came and she had an amazing time. And, you know, I think there were some times where maybe she moved a little bit slower and she couldn't drive yet. Not that she would have been driving around, but that was like, the next thing she wanted to do was be able to be cleared to drive. And this isn't about me, clearly, but like, I am so glad she could come. And my friends were like, Ashley, you don't understand how important that was to her to be there, was all to be together. And, um, that was the last time I saw her. She sees the other

• 10:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  girls more, like they live closer, they live in the South and they have children that all are friends now. It's like very sweet. And she'd been doing really well. Like, when I tell you this was so shocking, it was, like, there was a risk of stroke or seizure, but she had been on medications and she was doing well. And we all thought she had a great, long life ahead of her. And my friends were trying to reach me. We had just gotten back from a trip. I was getting texts, like, we don't know where you are, what country you're in, like, whatever. Like, and I was getting all these texts from my college girlfriends. And I just thought someone's parent died. I know, no, this wasn't even on my radar.

• 11:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, that's how much we thought things were fine. And as I called back, Shashank was in the, Shashank goes, I hope it's not about me. And I was like, there's no way. Like, that's just not, and it, and it was, and it was just, like, a pain I've like, never felt. Like, it was like, just, I can't even, I have no words for how that felt. And like the breakdown that I had, and I'm so glad he was there with me. And after that, like, we just couldn't believe it, you know? The days, the weeks that followed were a lot of ups and downs. I had like, there's better days than others. And I'm trying to live my life, of course, but I would think about it and I would like, remember. And then it's like, we have the, our group chat, she's not a part of. All these things are just like,

• 12:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  they are like a punch in the gut. You cannot believe your friend is gone at this age. This is so different, this is not a hot take, than someone's grandparent dying, someone that's dies of the appropriate age, like a 43 year old woman shouldn't die. And I, you know, it's just one of those things, like, really hard to comprehend, really hard to digest. And the grief came in waves and thinking about her family and her daughter. And she was just such a wonderful person, you know? The things that we, we would say about her, remembering her, we would have Zoom calls regularly as the, the group and really try to comfort each other and be there for each other and to constant communication about everything. And like, I was going to be in charge of delivering the speech on

• 13:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  behalf of all of us, which felt like an impossible task, to write it, to, to deliver it. But I, I did it. And it, it went as well as it could have, given the circumstances. But just us sharing what an incredible person she was. Now, she just really wanted the best for everybody and wanted the best life for all of us and for herself. And she had so much more life to live. It was like, I mean, it is so hard to even digest still that she's gone. And I just, I don't know. I, I wanted to share this because it's, we share a lot in this podcast, what's going on in my life. And for anyone who's experienced this, I

• 13:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  mean, it is just so destabilizing to have someone your age when you're, whatever it is, whatever, whatever age it is, when you are too early to, to, to die.

• 14:03Rayna Greenberg?

  You're not supposed to die. I mean, I just, I think about her daughter and it's just like, she's 12 years old, like, she's gonna grow up without a mom. And I know she has like, a great support system and a great dad, and she's all these women in her life now. But it just, it's just, it's like heartbreaking. And it's so senseless. And when these things happen, you're so angry because you're like, I don't know where to put these feelings. This just shouldn't have happened with modern medicine. And she's just too young. And it's just, it's really hard to digest at this age.

• 14:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  It feels so unfair. Yeah, there's just like, a lot of anger and like, is there anything, everyone's like, is there anything we could have done? And they're just saying that she had a seizure and passed in her sleep. Um, it's just been so hard. And we all went there. And the thing that gets us through is having each other, you know, and really being there for each other and remembering her in the best way. And she was such a light and she was such an amazing friend. And she was just so funny and smart and easy to be around and supportive. And obviously, her legacy will live on forever and we will always remember her in that way. And her daughter is friends with all the other friends, daughters. They all have daughters besides me, around the same age and seeing them all together

• 15:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  and support her. Like, I couldn't stop. Like, I was like, I gotta stop taking pictures of these girls. Because they are just, they love each other so much. And they were, I mean, they're 10 to 12. And there were six of them. They're like, a little, like, sorority. And they just all were like, with each other all weekend. It was really nice to see. But when we walked into the celebration of life, like, the venue, like, we all just fucking lost it. It was so hard to digest. It was so hard to see her in like, a in memorial way. Like, when they first even sent me the, like, information, I couldn't even click on it. I was like, I can't think of her. I can't look at her. Like, this is someone's grandparent. That is like, in their old age that has passed on, where it's like, hard to even call it a celebration of life. Like, I was like, how are we toeing the line here?

• 15:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is so tragic. You know, like, I think everybody did their best, like, speaking about her. And Stephanie, like, loved comedy. And I would have known she would have wanted me to like, make some jokes and like, about us meeting in college and who she was. And I think I really toe the line really well. And I broke down at the end. It was just really difficult. And for anybody having to do that, I just want to validate how hard it is. And, you know, value your friendships. And we always say, life is long, but life can be short. And I feel like, I certainly could have checked in on her more. I'm not having a bunch of guilt and regret. You know, I feel like, I saw her, we all had plans to, um, see each other this fall at a football game. And I, I'm not really living with that,

• 16:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  but I certainly could have checked in more. It's just, I guess that's a message I want to send. You know, if you have a friend struggling with anything, just, you don't want to live with any of that guilt, that, could I have checked in more? Could I have texted more? And like, I, I don't, I don't know what the message here is. I was telling you, like, do, do I want to talk about this? I don't know that I feel like I can get through it or I feel prepared to talk about it. And you just said, this is something not a lot of people experience, like, losing a friend at a young age.

• 17:10Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, you can't live your life every day thinking, well, if I never talk to them again, like, what will I do? And of course, I think you did a beautiful job talking about her. And I think that anybody that faces this is like, this is so senseless and you're so angry. And I had a very different experience when I was 19, my boyfriend died. And I had been out with him all night. And I dropped him off at his friend's house. And we pulled up to my house to watch a movie. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take you home. And I took him to his friends. And I even texted my friend, I texted my friend, and I was like, you thought I was gonna get laid last night? And I fucking took him home. And he went into cardiac arrest and he died in the middle of the night. And I remember getting the call the next day. And I felt so much guilt. Like, if he had been in my home, if I had just let him come over, if I had just spent more time with him, like, I could have saved him, I could have helped him. And I was so angry, like, his, I remember

• 17:52Rayna Greenberg?

  his mom saying to me, this is just what Jesus wants. This is what God wanted, was to call him up to heaven. And I was like, fuck you and fuck your rationale. And how dare you say this to me? And how could God want this? And I remember my mom saying to me, like, if, if this is what gives her comfort, you have to let her have this.

• 18:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sure. People really turn to religion a lot with this because it helps them make sense of it.

• 18:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. I mean, how can you make sense of your 19 year old son dying? And I was so angry with that. And I really was glad my mom was just like, if she finds comfort in this, you have to let her have this. And all that to say, like, it's nonsensical, you'll never make sense of it. No one should lose their life at that age. It's just, it's senseless, it's horrible, and you're angry, and there's nowhere to put those feelings. But like, we do go through these things. And if you feel like guilt that you like, could have checked in with her more, I don't know, you can't live your life every day thinking, everybody in my life is gonna die. I mean, you had an incredible bachelorette party, you invited her to your wedding, you had a great time with her at your wedding, you've invited her to our live shows. And like, you've done all the things you're supposed to do as a friend. And you hope at the end of somebody's life that you just feel like you did the right things. And you did.

• 18:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I appreciate you saying that. And I know she felt like she was so loved. You know, I know that she felt like that. I, not everybody has friends like my college friends, man. I feel so lucky. Like, sometimes I feel like I'm the delinquent friend because I just, my life's a little different. I'm always like, whatever I'm doing. And they're so loving and supportive. Like, we are family. And like, the way we stepped up, when she had the surgery, she was so loved. And I, I know that she knew that. And her daughter has incredible support system. And I just wanted to at least like, say this on our show and will like, miss her forever. And it is like, a unique experience. Shashank lost one of his best friends when he was 20. And they were all in the car together and one. Of the five of them, one of them died and it defined all their lives forever.

• 19:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like these things, like they define you and you never like forget it and the pain like doesn't go away. It just changes form, you know, and it comes up when you least expect it. We always say that grief is not linear. It'll just be like good days and bad. And you can, someone that's not in your, in your life day to day, you can move through life like not thinking about it. You, you don't have to, you know, it's, it's different than someone you live with. It's different than your, someone that you're friends with, you see all the time, you talk to every day, your, your pet. You know, like you can not think about it. And then it kind of hits you out of nowhere and you can't believe it. And you need to take time to grieve it and cry it out or talk to people.

• 20:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think one thing like throughout all of this, the last like month or so has just, sometimes I'll be like, I'm having a really hard time. And like, everyone's like, me too, you know, like that's just that sense of community. Like friendship is so important, like female friendship, I mean, all friendships, but it's like, you just never be scared to tell your friends if, when you're grieving, like I'm having a hard time. And just let them like be there for you and just, you know, take care of each other and value your friendships and just tell people you're thinking about them and check in on them and do all the things.

• 20:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I love you. You did a beautiful job honoring her and I wish I could have been there and I just, I thought about coming and it just felt like, you know.

• 20:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  She, you know, you know what I will say is it was packed and her mom was like worried that there wasn't going to be enough room. And I was like, I hope people are standing room only and it was, it wasn't a huge room, but like it just goes to show, you know, like that's what you want. You want it to be standing room only, people celebrating this life and mourning this person who made such an impact on their life. So I was glad to see that. It was a sellout.

• 21:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Cheers to her for selling so many tickets, babe.

• 21:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cheers to her. I, I, you know, we love you, Stephanie. We'll, we'll miss you forever. So.

• 21:31Rayna Greenberg?

  What are we gonna talk about?

• 21:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's do an ad break.

• 21:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Great.

• 21:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then we'll just like, we'll reset.

• 21:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Well, thanks you guys for being here.

• 21:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you guys. And you know, I just, we know you, you want to know what's going on in our lives and that's been something that's been going on in my life.

• 21:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  For.

• 21:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you did a beautiful job talking about it. Thanks. Um, all right. Well.

• 21:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. I am going to tell you guys about Hungry Root. So we were talking about cooking and talking about food. We always have stuff from Hungry Root in our fridge, in our cabinets. And we love this because I just sometimes just don't want to go to the grocery store and buy stuff for Shoshone to cook for me. So this is great that I can just have Hungry Root in my house, especially going back to school. So if you are parents and you have families and things are just getting like more stressful and more busy, this is going to be a great time to get onto Hungry Root. So you are going to get your box with all of the personalized food items that you want. There are over 50,000 chef crafted recipes. Many of them are ready in just 15 minutes. I love a lot of their recipes. So you're going to get the ingredients and you're going to get the recipe cards.

• 22:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I've done like pastas and tacos and all kinds of things. There's always something new to try, but you're going to get everything else too in Hungry Root. So the meats are really great, uh, really high quality. Get your vegetables, get your snacks, really get everything. And you can just skip that trip to the grocery store and they are going to tailor your box to your specific preferences. If you have food allergies, anything like that, you can get high protein, anti-inflammatory, you can get stuff for quick lunches. I mean, I cannot tell you, this is so great for any lifestyle, but especially busy lifestyles, especially families, all of the above. And you can just stay consistent with your eating, eat healthy. It is really one of those things where you don't realize how much you're going to rely on it until you have a week without it, which I can speak to that. And again, we mentioned the recipes, but it's so much more than just like a meal kit. It's going to be everything that you need to eat for the week.

• 23:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's going to combine the convenience of the meal kits with the variety of a grocery store, but you're going to skip that trip to the grocery store. So you guys are going to love Hungry Root as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash GGE and use code GGE. That's hungryroot.com slash GGE, code GGE to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

• 23:41Rayna Greenberg?

  And I'm telling you guys about Parallel and so many of our friends and family have gone through pregnancy. And I think that a lot of people don't really know what to take for a prenatal, postnatal, all the way through pregnancy. And Parallel has really addressed that. So I love what they're doing and what you consume from Parallel changes as your pregnancy changes. So they make all these different packs with Parallel and there's different ones. So if you're trying to conceive, if you're egg freezing, if you are your first, second or third trimester, all the way through postpartum, they have different vitamins that you should take for your body and they package them separately. And I just, I really love what they're doing. They make it really simple and easy to digest. So for example, like in your first trimester, you get a premium prenatal from them, an extra B6 plus ginger for nausea support. But like in your third trimester, you need something else.

• 24:24Rayna Greenberg?

  So their whole thing is like, you shouldn't take the same thing the whole way through. So in your third trimester, you get a premium prenatal and probiotics to support gut health and baby's microbiome development. And you literally switch packs as your body and the baby move through different phases. It comes in one daily packet, so you don't like piece these things together and it's easy to throw in your bag. So if you travel a lot, they just make it really friendly to throw it in your bag, take it on the go. The products are high quality, so they're OBGYN founded, third party tested, winner of the Clean Label Project Purity Award, research backed ingredients. And there's no synthetics, colorants or allergens. So if you are pregnant, trying or postpartum, you need to check out Parallel. I cannot recommend it enough. We haven't given us an exclusive code just for you. New customers, use code GGE and get 20% off your first order at parallelhealth.com slash GGE.

• 25:08Rayna Greenberg?

  That's P E R E L E L health.com slash GGE.

• 25:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can I tell you that when we got in here, we were like, why are there tissues on the table? What are people crying?

• 25:16Rayna Greenberg?

  They're like, Ashley cries a lot. Ashley's a cancer. She says it, she cries. So we're going to end up upset about porn and porn preferences today. But we thought a good way to just warm up the episode and then I'll give you my thoughts on all of our research. And you guys submitted so many answers and we'll, we'll give our thoughts on that. But we wanted to kind of warm you up with an email, just speaking of masturbation, you know?

• 25:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the one. I thought you wanted to start with the other friend's news.

• 25:38Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what I want, but he's jerking off.

• 25:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Oh, sorry. They're both jerking off.

• 25:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Tons of jerking off. Honestly, this whole episode's about jerking off. But we wanted to kind of warm this up with a pretty debatable topic and then we're going to move into actual porn.

• 25:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Debatable. I've never heard of this. So sometimes we get emails and you guys tell us stories that are surprising. They catch me off guard. I really feel for people in situations that are tough to navigate like this. So the subject line of this email is help found my best friend in my boyfriend's wank bank.

• 26:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, this is hard.

• 26:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Immediately, I'm sad.

• 26:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Break up with that friend.

• 26:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm just kidding. So she writes, longtime listener since day one, I'm writing because I really need some clarity on a dilemma that I'm struggling to make sense of. Last weekend, I found a screen recording on my boyfriend's phone of him searching for my best friend's Instagram account and opening her story where she was wearing a bikini. It became pretty clear that he had saved the video to masturbate to. When I confronted him, he admitted that was exactly what it was for. This isn't just any friend. She's my closest friend in the world. He insists it has nothing to do with wanting her specifically, but rather that she became part of a fantasy because he knows a lot about her sex life. We're all very close, so he says that information fueled his imagination rather than any emotional or romantic feelings towards her. We've been together for 10 years. We have a healthy sex life, communicate well, and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened.

• 26:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Since then, he's taken full responsibility, been genuinely remorseful and even started therapy because he recognizes how inappropriate and hurtful it was. Also, I think they're British.

• 27:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Why do you think that?

• 27:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, wank and the way she spelled recognizes.

• 27:11Rayna Greenberg?

  It's funny you said that, like it's like the smoking gun. Also, I think they're British.

• 27:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I just.

• 27:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, I've sniffed out as they're British.

• 27:19Rayna Greenberg?

  That is part of my reasoning for what I think.

• 27:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're just better people, but they're not American.

• 27:23Rayna Greenberg?

  He was honest. Okay.

• 27:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. But I'm still completely broken. I feel like my trust has been shattered in the fact that it involved my best friend makes it so much worse. At the same time, I keep wondering whether I'm making it bigger than it is because ultimately it was a fantasy and not a physical affair. How do I reconcile those two things? Is this something a relationship can genuinely recover from? Or does the involvement of someone so close fundamentally change? I'd really love to hear your perspective because I feel completely stuck. Thank you for everything you do.

• 27:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I mean, right off the bat, Ashley and I wanted to validate, this is really hard. Like I can't imagine being like, these are the two closest people in my life and my husband's masturbating to her. And like, it can't help but change your feeling about your friend, even though it has nothing to do with your friend, obviously. And nobody more than me thinks that we are entitled to our own fantasies and thoughts. And just because you have a partner, doesn't mean you're no longer attracted to other people. We're entitled to own private thoughts and fantasies, but it would just be really hard. And we have another girlfriend that also like read her boyfriend's journal and he was like, I want to fuck her friends.

• 28:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, right.

• 28:24Rayna Greenberg?

  This is probably a pretty common thought, but to find it in the phone, it would have some like tangible evidence would be devastating.

• 28:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm sure a lot of husbands are like, your friends are hot. Well, it made me think of you and I because of the notion about him knowing a lot about her sex life.

• 28:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yep, absolutely.

• 28:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that could just, they don't have to have a podcast, obviously. They're just been friends for a long time and you talk about that kind of stuff at dinner over drinks. So he knows a lot about it. A few things give me hope for this couple. And I want to completely support her staying with him if she wants to. This isn't like break up with him after 10 years.

• 29:02Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 29:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  They've been together for 10 years. He has taken responsibility, been remorseful and is going to therapy to work on this. And she says they have a healthy sex life after 10 years and communicate well. Like, it sounds like what we always say, that everything else in the relationship is great. So are you going to be able to come back from this is the question, though. I think she should go to therapy too, which is annoying. It's fucking annoying if you have to go to therapy and pay for it. Maybe he'll pay for it and deal with this. But like, someone else, a professional, may be able to help you make sense of this and give you the right tools and language to reframe this, to move past it.

• 29:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  The friend is gonna be tough to feel that way about the friend and it's just gonna be natural and your friend didn't do anything. And if she's been a great friend to you for however many years, it's just tough. I think I'd feel some type of way. That's what the therapy is for. That's what, whatever the tools are, to be able to have the self-talk of when I'm looking at you, I'm fucking pissed because you had the audacity to post a bikini pic that my man screenshot it.

• 30:10Rayna Greenberg?

  And then, you know, you take it like 10 steps down the road and you're like, well, she doesn't look like me and is he attracted to me? If he's attracted to this? But I agree with everything you said. At least he admitted it and he's being honest and upfront and I genuinely in my heart, and it's easier said than done. But I genuinely believe just because somebody is masturbating to something or fantasizing about something, does not mean that they will ever act on that. That doesn't mean he wants to be with her or he likes her as a person. He's just saw something and he was like, I know kind of a lot about her and I'm turned on by it. It would hurt no matter what. And I sort of had a situation like this, actually, where I was sleeping with somebody and I knew that he was into a friend of ours. And she is so beautiful. Who would not be into her? I mean, she's like our most beautiful friend.

• 30:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I watched him like hit on her. I mean, but this was not a person I trusted or was in his, I don't think he's a nice person. And I wasn't in a serious, this is not my serious partner, but I want to validate that like even in that situation, it like really hurt. It made me think certain things about her. I had to talk to her about it and she's an incredible, wonderful, evolved friend. And she was like, Raina, you know, nervous, something like that. And she like laughed and we had a nice time talking about it. But I validate that even at the lowest levels, this like really hurts. And it makes you feel a certain way about yourself and how you look and am I the fantasy for my husband now? But, right. I don't know. Two things can be true. I can validate how bad this feels, but also say like, it sounds maybe like it was harmless enough.

• 31:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, also after 10 years, you know, this isn't, we just started dating or this isn't one, two, even three years in. Like 10 year relationships, you know, people are doing what they need to do to keep their own, you know, sex drives alive. Like whatever it is, again, I'm not like defending it. There's that part of it too. After 10 years, you know, sometimes shit happens. The fact that it's her best friend is, really sucks. Like, it's not just a friend. And what happens when they're all together now?

• 32:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's gonna be hard to hang out together. It just kind of is. It's unfortunate. Like, it's just gonna take some time. Maybe someday you will laugh about this. I would try to separate the friend from this and say like, I, this has nothing to do with her.

• 32:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  The friend know, I'm dying to know. Can you please email us and let us know, did you tell your friend this?

• 32:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I would just die. And when our friend told me that her boyfriend, she was like, I bet it's about you. I bet that that journal entry is about you. And I was like, I would never fucking touch him.

• 32:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's discuss this, you and I. Would you tell me this?

• 32:30Rayna Greenberg?

  If my partner was jerking off to you?

• 32:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  If this happened, I don't think I would tell you.

• 32:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I always say it's hard for me to make judgment calls on hypothetical, imaginary relationships because we all have like a what we would do and then what you actually do.

• 32:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I just don't think I would be running to tell you for the main reason just being the level of discomfort for everybody for years to come. Like, why bring another person into the mix that feels uncomfortable? Because what I will say, I think this will get better with time, clearly. Like, everything else, like, it just is gonna take time. And even if you can't see that now, how am I ever gonna get over this and how am I ever gonna forget about this? You will. I think, I hope, if you do some work and are healthy and stable and secure and really want to move past it, you will in time.

• 33:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, you shouldn't be humiliated. It feels humiliating to say to your friend, my longtime partner is attracted to you. I mean, it would be hard to get the words out. I mean, when I talked to our girlfriend about the fact that this guy that I was seeing was clearly into her, it was horrible for me to get the words out and I had to express to her, I'm not mad at you. This has nothing to do with you, but it creates feelings for me about you. And it's, it has nothing to do with my trust in you or anything like that. It's just, it's hard to say the words. And I think the only reason why I would maybe have to say something is because I would feel in the immediate future, I needed to create distance between my husband and that person. And if she's like, why can I, why can't I come over? I think it's in a moment of vulnerability, you can say it.

• 34:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think you just have to decide and there's no timeline. Like, if you want to tell your friend this, weeks from now, months from now, you can. You don't feel pressured to share it now. To me, it's like, I'm looking out for the future us. If I tell you this, that Shashank did this, like, you will never forget it.

• 34:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually will never.

• 34:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  You will feel weird around him and we will both feel weird if I'm saying anything about him going forward, no matter what it is.

• 34:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, you know what? Now I'm reframing it. I don't think it's a friend I want to know. I don't think I need to know. You know what? You could just exclude me from what you guys are doing. I don't need to know this because you're right. Everything you say to me, I will see it through these lines and every time I see him, I'm like, oh, you jerked off to me. It's gross.

• 34:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and I, you know, you hope this is your closest friend. You hope she's not someone who feels competitive with you and gets off on this a little bit. There is that too. I don't know. You could have kind of a toxic friend that's gonna get off on this and not hold it over your head, but be thinking in that way. Your husband jerks off to me, he thinks I'm hotter than you. You hope that's not how your closest friend thinks. I'm not saying it is, but to me, it would just be like, if I tell Raina this, like, I'm never really gonna want to say his name in front of her ever again. It's gonna create this discomfort in the air. It's always gonna be the elephant in the room. So why don't I just like hold this in, deal with it privately in my relationship and try to move past it? Or break up with him? Either or. No, I'm just saying, we support it either way. Like, if you can't get past it, then don't get past it.

• 35:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  We support your decision as an adult that knows the relationship better than we do.

• 35:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I think if you were to ask me, is this normal and healthy, kind of, it's not the end of the world. I think that like, it's unfortunate that you found this. I think that the reality is lots of us are attracted to other people, even though we're in a committed, healthy relationship, especially after a decade. And I do understand, you know, there's just a scenario where like, I'm sure that this woman is beautiful. I'm sure her friends are beautiful and her husband's like, oh, her a lot about her sex life. And it could really not be deeper than that. It's just, it's unfortunate. He screen recorded it. It's unfortunate that she doesn't see this.

• 35:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  The front end of the screen recording was him searching for it, like, better. Okay, Raina, let me ask you that.

• 36:02Rayna Greenberg?

  How did you get caught, sir? Just delete it.

• 36:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, well, she going through his phone. Well, there's that too.

• 36:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am in Shashank's phone for stuff all the time, like videos, pictures, like we go on vacation, like, we're not, we're with each other's phone. So maybe they had that type of healthy, trusting relationship. I don't really know that she was going around snooping. Okay, let me ask you this. Is the screen recording more egregious than just a screenshot of her in the bikini?

• 36:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  What are you doing? You, you hit, you can't record.

• 36:37Rayna Greenberg?

  The effort. It's the effort for me. Like, honestly, it's a screenshot of a story in a bikini. I'm like, yeah, she looked hot. Fine, jerk off.

• 36:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have hot friends too.

• 36:46Rayna Greenberg?

  You gotta keep like your finger on the thing. You gotta go back and forth and back and forth.

• 36:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  The effort it took.

• 36:51Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so.

• 36:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  From a lazy man.

• 36:55Rayna Greenberg?

  And like, have I ever been attracted to my boyfriend's friends? Yeah. And have I wanted to fuck them? Probably.

• 37:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  The way you said it, you're fucked, yeah. I date ugly guys and their friends, no, I'm just kidding.

• 37:07Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I don't. But have I been attracted?

• 37:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Name them.

• 37:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Name them. Have I been attracted to my partner's friends? Yeah, I'm a human being. I have eyes. I wouldn't act on it, but I certainly wouldn't get caught. That is so crazy. Just, you can't just use your imagination. You can't just think about it. You had to screen record this. I mean, I think you should talk to him about just being a better sneak.

• 37:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So I wanted to tell you this. I've been like holding it in to say for this email.

• 37:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, no.

• 37:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, so the other night, Raina is over. And when she came over, I had just gotten off of the Peloton, so I was like, had to go up and take a shower. And she sits at the counter and talks to Shashank while he's like cooking dinner. And they're friends, obviously have a great relationship. But as I'm going upstairs to go take a shower, I go, be good, you two. And immediately I hear, I just missed you. Oh, I just missed you too.

• 38:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I laughed to myself. I've been holding this in to share the podcast. I literally go, be good, you guys. Just like kidding. And I don't think they clocked me. Immediately I hear Raina go, I've just really missed you. He's, I missed you too. I'm like, is this serious? You couldn't wait till I, my legs were still through the railing. You could still see me going up the step. You guys didn't even wait till you heard the shower turn on to talk about how much you missed each other.

• 38:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even remember this. It's how natural it was for me. I didn't clock this at all.

• 38:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, they said it in a platonic way, but I was just like, is that dead ass? They were not trolling me. I don't even think they heard me say.

• 38:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Forgot you were even there.

• 38:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  So funny.

• 38:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Obviously, all we talk about is you, but like, I just, I didn't even pay attention.

• 38:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you guys really, like, I, I really love that. Clearly, I'm, I'm sure there'll be a Reddit thread after this, but

• 38:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I've said this for weeks, to be able to think that.

• 38:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just, I love that you guys have a genuine friendship.

• 39:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I love it too. And I think about it all. And we were with our agent yesterday.

• 39:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think about him all the time.

• 39:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I think about him all the time, honestly, when I'm masturbating.

• 39:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Honestly, though, in the reverse, it's very funny. Like, in the reverse, like, I see a picture of Shashank and you're in camera roll. I'm like, okay, girl.

• 39:18Rayna Greenberg?

  He's a compliment. I masturbated to something totally different last night. Um, no, our, we were with our agent yesterday and he was asking, you know, he wants to protect his investment, which is me and you together. And he was asking, like, how's the, um,

• 39:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Long distance.

• 39:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, how's long distance going? And like, I don't even think I, I just had this thought, and I don't, I don't know, you and I just talk so much. But I thought, like, how lucky I feel that you have a partner that kind of supports, like, if you and I are gonna be for the next six months, long distance, that he's like, I support that Ashley needs to go back and forth. She's not gonna be around me all the time. And if she needs to move, we'll move. Like, as our agent was just like, let's focus on your relationship. I thought, like, there is a third person in this relationship, and I'm so grateful that, like, he loves me and that, like, he's like on board to make sure that, like, we feel good and supported. And it would be really hard to feel like your partner was my op. It's my worst nightmare in the world.

• 40:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't even, I've always said it. The thought of it is, it like, makes me sick. What we have, the three of us, is, it's, it's at the top. It's the farthest end of the spectrum in terms of, like, health and security, and there's just no weirdness in any way. I just, I feel really lucky.

• 40:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I couldn't date somebody that he didn't like. I can't even imagine what that would be like.

• 40:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, we're good. We're Gucci on.

• 40:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, he hasn't texted me today, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna jump out this window.

• 40:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, let's just knock out our other partners before we get into this porn convo. We are so excited for you guys to hear it. I am gonna tell you about Ladder. So if you were trying to look hot for your friend's boyfriend, who was gonna take a screenshot of you, you guys should check out Turn It Up Tuesday, which is lower body strength than Pilates on Ladder. No, I really do love the Ladder app, and this is a great way to get in your training at home. It's like having a personal trainer at home without the exorbitant cost, inconvenient scheduling, or awkward small talk, but the same expert guidance and structured workouts. So if you don't know what to do at the gym, or you're tired of just doing random workouts from YouTube or Instagram with no results,

• 41:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ladder is gonna give you a real plan from an expert coach. So that workouts build on themselves, and so you can really see your progress week after week. I just love this. I do some workout classes. I don't go to the gym and figure it out. So I'll go to a workout class, but I work out at home a lot. So I really, really love this. It is an expert strength training plan. It's not just a content library. These aren't influencer workouts or challenges. It's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches. So you get a new plan every week that builds on the last. Like we mentioned, that's where the name Ladder comes from, and you can see your progress. It feels like having a coach right there with you. There is a community, there's a group chat, your coach answers your questions, and members motivate each other. We really love this about it. The app is so easy to use, like, it looks great.

• 42:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's really intuitive, and we just, like, again, love the chat feature. There is a nutrition feature as well. Again, structured workout plan, not random exercises. It really is a plan, which is if you really want to get in shape and you have these goals, that's what you're gonna need. It's less than $1 a day, so really accessible, expert programming versus what the gym costs. I mean, I've, I haven't joined a gym in so long, and I can't believe what they cost these days. So you guys can remove the guesswork with Ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit slash GGE and take a quick quiz to find your perfect Ladder plan. Use our link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join.

• 42:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, and if you want something sexy to wear in front of your friend's boyfriend or husband, Skims.

• 42:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Honestly, that is the move.

• 42:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Sitting on that for two minutes, I'm like, white knuckling it, like, oh, I'm gonna drop my little joke.

• 42:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  You nailed it.

• 42:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Um, I actually did wear PJs over here. We both wore something, but, um, Skims cotton loungewear, I, it's the only thing I wear around the house, the only thing I sleep in. It's the only bras I wear. It's the bra I'm wearing right now. I just love Skims cotton. It holds up so well. So the cotton, the cotton jersey, the cotton ribbed, you're obsessed with the cotton ribbed tank.

• 43:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  The cotton ribbed tank is like, hard to get.

• 43:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, it's hard to get.

• 43:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Selling out. So just that rib tank look, I've tried so many different brands. This is what I come back to. It is the best. I don't have to wear a bra with it.

• 43:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, you know, we don't like to wear bras.

• 43:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's not, it doesn't have a built in bra or anything. It's just really that nice, sturdy, quality ribbed material that holds your titties up. And then the way it lays on your stomach, like, the seam at the bottom, I don't know how to describe it. I have it in every color. It's so good. It's so good with jeans. Just the perfect amount of crop for me personally. Obsessed with it, like, obsessed.

• 43:48Rayna Greenberg?

  And then they have the fold over pants to go with it. And so they have lots of different colors. I mean, truly, it's the only pajamas I wear. It's the only stuff I wear under my pajamas. And I love it. And everything from there holds up well. Tons of colors, tons of sizes. So I love what they're doing. You can shop Skims at all of our favorite pieces at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you, like, podcasts in the survey. Be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. Okay.

• 44:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, porn. Okay, so this episode, I wanna take credit for the topic, but Rain is gonna definitely lead this conversation.

• 44:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Last night, I was like, my free flag is gonna fly today.

• 44:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I always wanna tell you guys where we get inspo. And to me, I just wanna know this stuff. I mean, one of my most proud episodes was how often are couples having sex? I just wanna know, like, I just wanna know how women are consuming porn, how much, what they're watching. Like, and I think other women wanna know that too. And watching porn with partners and all these different things, like, it's just honestly being nosey, and we are able to conduct these surveys and gather this data with 10,000 people, 10,000 if you're listening to this, like-minded women like you. So honestly, that's where it came from. And we're gonna dive in, but it's more just like, people wanna know, am I normal? You know, what's normal? What are people doing? And it's all normal. Like, none of this is outside the norm, but it's just out of curiosity, honestly.

• 45:06Rayna Greenberg?

  And we posted all these slides, and compiling this was so fascinating to me. And we asked people, do you consume porn? How do you feel about your partner consuming porn? Would you watch it with your partner? And this is the largest spectrum I've probably ever seen, from people saying, I would never watch porn. It's bad for women. I do not want my partner to consume porn, and I would never watch it with my partner, all the way to, I watch it all the time, they watch it all the time, we watch it all the time. And

• 45:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 45:31Rayna Greenberg?

  No one is wrong. Like, everything is normal to me, as long as you feel healthy and safe, and it's something that you feel good about in your own body, in your relationship. And there's actually no normal when it comes to this. Like, whatever turns you on and makes you feel good and boundaried, that's what's normal, and that's what's healthy. And, you know, this is really such a private thing to talk about, like, what do I masturbate to? What kind of kinks am I into? And I mean, you guys just continue to surprise us and impress us with how open you are. And we'll close this out with just sort of tips for watching porn with your partner. And I even loved the advice you guys had, because it was just healthy. It was light. It was easy. It was really, like, a lot of compromise. And just thank you for always just giving us your whole lives.

• 46:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, we really love that you guys share this stuff with us and feel safe and comfortable. Obviously, porn can be a problem. I mean, porn addiction, that's not necessarily what we're talking about here today. We've discussed it in the past. And kids watching porn too young of an age, it's super damaging. Like, to see images before your brain is fully formed, or before you've ever even had sex, is really a huge problem. Again, not what we're talking about today. I just wanna put those things out there. It's like, porn, everybody does it. It's like, there are real problems with porn, but we're talking today about, like, consenting adults consuming porn.

• 46:50Rayna Greenberg?

  A reasonable amount of, like, healthy porn. And we will get into it briefly about how people feel about their partners consuming porn. And people are like, if it's a problem, I have a problem with it, you know?

• 46:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I discovered porn at a pretty young age. I just had been, like, really sexual my whole life. And that's not, I can't really attribute it to anything. Like, I just developed really young. I mean, I remember being like 11 in like a women's locker room and noticing other women's bodies, and noticing that I was attracted to women's bodies. And I discovered lesbian porn really, really young, and I sort of was just like, what does this mean? And it, it just affected me in terms of thinking, like, am I straight? Because I, I'm very turned on by lesbian porn. I love it. I pretty much exclusively masturbated to that most of my life, but I don't identify as being gay. I don't date women. I've slept with women, but I mean, very sporadically.

• 47:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, did the porn come first, right?

• 47:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Way first.

• 47:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course, obviously, you said. But I guess, was that the inspo? Like, did watching lesbian porn make you be like, I like this so much, I should maybe try to be with a woman, right?

• 47:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's, it's interesting, because there's, can be, I very much genuinely believe, we talked to therapists about, like, Ian Kerner on our show about this. There can be a real disconnect between what you fantasize about and your private thoughts and masturbate to, and what you wanna do in the real world.

• 48:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guy doesn't wanna fuck that girl's friend.

• 48:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, or her dad, or her stepdad. And, you know, we're gonna get into, like, kinky categories and stuff, but I genuinely believe that you can be turned on by something and masturbate to it, and that's where it stops. And for me, it was just, you know, I think there's a lot that goes into lesbian porn, which is that it seems like it's for the woman's pleasure. It doesn't feel violent. It's something that looked like something I would enjoy. I mean, a lot of heterosexual porn is really just like slam, slam, slam.

• 48:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Unrealistic.

• 48:28Rayna Greenberg?

  It's not realistic. It doesn't look like it's for women's pleasure. It's not through, like, the female gaze. And so I think it just felt like it was female pleasure to me, and that maybe is just where it was rooted in. So I discovered really young. And then also something I discovered really young was, um, this website called Lit erotica. So it's Lit erotica, if you guys are interested. Um, and it has all these porn categories, and it's erotic literature. I mean, it's not like smut novels. It's pornographic writing. And there's tons of categories, and I really liked reading that when I was growing up. And I was like, that's crazy. I'd never heard of maybe doing that. But it's a heavily female characteristic. The women like to, we use our imaginations. We're not as visual necessarily. So I've always used porn, I, pretty sporadically in my life at this point. Like,

• 49:09Rayna Greenberg?

  when I get really high, I like to watch porn. I don't particularly have a problem with my partner watching porn. I think as long as it is a healthy normal amount. I'm not gonna regulate what somebody else does with their body. And then, just to close this out, I have not really watched porn with a partner, but I'm open to it if somebody wants to.

• 49:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, yeah, because I didn't know that about you.

• 49:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think I have, but if anybody ever suggested it, sure, I'm down. I'll try anything. It's never come up.

• 49:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did your ex watch? Would you know anything about him and porn? Because he was great in bed. Like, I'm just trying, I'm thinking of your past partners and their level of kinkiness. Like, you're super sexual, and you're on the kinky, you're not really vanilla. Like, you're down to try stuff. I'm like, trying to think of your past exes.

• 49:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually don't know if I've really asked. I was talking to this guy last night, because I was talking about prepping this episode, and he was like, what porn categories do you like? And he told me what he liked. And I was like, oh, this is like a nice, healthy conversation. I love hearing this. He was like, I love watching many pussy, because I like to pussy. I was like, I'm in love with you.

• 50:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys got all the friends up real quick.

• 50:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I would like to credit Ashley with getting me on the right

• 50:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  this episode. So I will take the credit.

• 50:13Rayna Greenberg?

  But I think it's a really great gateway to talk to your partner about what turns them on. And I think you can learn some tips and tricks. And if you want to watch it together, it's a great way to feel turned on. I don't know that I've really talked that much to my partners. I've never caught my partner jerking off. Like, I've never had an experience. Like, I've lived with three men. I've never caught any of them jerking off. But like, I think it's normal and healthy because I do it. It's normal and healthy to me.

• 50:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 50:39Rayna Greenberg?

  But I've never watched porn with a partner.

• 50:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I don't really watch porn. I don't think I've ever claimed to. You know, I have certainly seen some porn, but it's not a part of my regular life. Obviously, we have an app that has erotic audio. And when we started that, I had to listen to a lot of it. And I was obviously very turned on and would obviously listen to it recreationally on top of it being part of my job. So I really do like that erotic audio. I just love the sound of like a sexy voice in my ear. And I like the normal, uh, non porn content. Like, I like sexy stuff. I like heated rivalry and, you know, I loved like the horny scenes in Off Campus. Like, my favorite scene off campus was the mutual masturbation scene. And I like really hot stuff. It really turns me on.

• 51:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love to watch sex, but not in a pornographic way, in, I guess, more commercialized way. And, you know, I don't want to spread Shoshon's business. He's not a big porn watcher either. You know, I think in our relationship, I think we have a really great, healthy sex life. We

• 51:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  dibble and dabble in different things. We use toys and do the things. Neither of us are real porn watchers. So that's not something that I've ever really had to think about when it comes to him. And, yeah, I mean, that's really pretty much it. I masturbate at, uh, health, the amount more so when I've been single. We have a sex toy company, all the things. I wasn't as early to it as Raina, like, kind of started a little later, like, after I'd had sex. Like, I didn't start masturbating until early twenties. I'd had sex years prior. And I would, like, come up with my own fantasies in my head. We've always said, I, like, masturbate to my own thoughts and fantasies and, like, previous past sexual experiences. I've just never, like, put on porn. So that's my story.

• 52:21Rayna Greenberg?

  You know what I'm curious about? Because we did not poll for this, is, you know, I live alone. You don't live alone. The only time I ever turn on porn is, like, I get really high, it's late at night, and I just, I really like to masturbate when I'm high. Like, if you lived with a partner and you're like, I don't need to watch porn with my partner. If I want to get off, I'll fuck my partner. Like, anytime, I've lived with three men. I don't think I watched porn.

• 52:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not masturbating as much. And, like, we have sex regularly. We have a good sex life, but it's, it's not every day. It's not three times a week. And so, like, so personal.

• 52:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. I was like, wow, this is crazy. Why do you have this conversation? This is wild.

• 52:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would usually masturbate at night and I'm in the bed with him.

• 52:59Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 52:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if we want to have sex, then we have sex. But like, my masturbating has been more on the road.

• 53:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, obviously.

• 53:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Always back a vibrator and I'm doing it in the hotel.

• 53:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Vibesonly.com. We sell the best vibrators we've ever seen. I never leave the house without them.

• 53:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  There are a lot on sale, so check those out. Vibesonly, I bring the Lucy bullet with, like, one of the different sleeves on it. And that's what I just throw in my suitcase. Just because I'm like, it's not like I'm, I'm going to be so horny. And I, it's just like, I don't do this as much anymore. And I like to do it. Who does it?

• 53:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I only do it when I'm going to sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't go back to sleep or first thing in the morning. That's when you're in the, in the bed with your partner. Why wouldn't I do it if I had a partner around?

• 53:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I wish we would have crowdsourced that, too. And just in general, I think people probably mostly watch porn at night.

• 53:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 53:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. If you wake up and you put a porn on, I mean, you do you, but I think it's most

• 53:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Animals.

• 53:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, now that we've bared our souls.

• 53:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I was, honestly, we were talking and I was like, who does this? This is crazy. But, I mean, we own a sex toy company. I think the cat's out of the bag, you guys. Um, and, you know, if there's anything about this show that we are really proud of, besides the fact that we have, you know, a decade long career, it's that we want to normalize the stuff for people and, you know, make you feel like it's healthy and self-pleasure. Nothing is healthier. So we polled you guys, about 13,000 of you?

• 54:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so it's usually about, like, at least 10,000 of you guys that respond, which is a great subset. And we did say women only. Uh, that's what we want to talk about today is women's porn consumption habits. So we said women only and, you know, find that most of you guys are in the 25 to 35 range, upwards of 45, as young as 18, whatever. But we opened it with just how often do you consume porn? And 41%, so the majority of the respondents said never. So, I mean, again, it's like, sometimes you're like, everyone's doing this, everyone's watching porn, everyone's eating ass. They're not. But like, 38% are saying once a month. So that's a close second. And again, it just depends on the demo, you know?

• 55:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, you could poll people who are listening to maybe a really sex-based, full, like, raunchier podcasts and the, the stats would probably be different. But these are just kind of like the Girls Got to Eat listeners. So, once a month, 38%. Once a week, 15%. And more than once a week, 6%.

• 55:22Rayna Greenberg?

  So I watched porn the other day and I don't think I've turned porn on in months. Like, I just go in waves.

• 55:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 55:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, you know, sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. And, you know, we will talk about what type of porn you guys are consuming. But I think a lot of people are really turned on by, like, smuddier type literature, not pornographic writing, but like Lucy Scores books, so Things We Never Got Over. It's, I mean, it's just, it's a, it's just a novel, but there's so much heavy sex content. I don't know that people think of that as porn, but they pleasure themselves to this type of stuff.

• 55:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly. Also, I want to clarify, like, I said majority, but I meant the highest percentage, but the majority of people are watching porn. So 59% of people are watching porn compared to 41% that aren't. So more people are than aren't, just while I want to clarify that.

• 56:07Rayna Greenberg?

  And I, we put up that slide first. So I think that people's first thought is pornographic videos. And there is stuff you read, you watch, and you listen to. So I don't know, I think some people might answer that by saying, not watch porn, but I read it or I listen to it. So the next slide is we asked you guys, what kind of porn are you consuming? So 68% of you, the largest number, said they're watching porn. But then we said pornographic literature, 21% of is reading porn. And then listening to erotic audio, 11%. So watching for sure, looking at photos or videos is always going to be the highest. But a lot of people are reading it. I just, I find it really pleasurable. I love it.

• 56:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  We did clarify, like, it's not just Fifty Shades of Grey, or, I think it's really more like what you

• 56:47Rayna Greenberg?

  X-rated.

• 56:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, X-rated stuff. It's not just at Barnes and Noble.

• 56:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 56:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we thought that was interesting, too. And then what general porn category is your preference? The highest percentage was straight, so 48%, but still under half. And then second percentage was lesbian at 29%. And threesome, group sex, 21%. And then gay male is 4%.

• 57:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you guys are lying. I think you heated rivalry girls are lying. I, I, what's, I thought lesbian porn would be higher.

• 57:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 57:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I cannot even tell you guys how often, like, a friend of ours or a listener will just say, like, I've always really been into lesbian porn and I've never known what it meant. I mean, so many people, I'm, when we had Ian Kernar on the first time, who's a world-renowned sexual psychotherapist, we had him on in, like, 2018, right? My, like, first question for him was, like, I've always watched lesbian porn, like, what does this mean?

• 57:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 57:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I thought more people would say lesbian porn, but it is really common around, amongst straight women.

• 57:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I am as straight as they come, unfortunately, no. Uh, and I like lesbian porn. I'd like, again, I'm not going to claim that I watch a bunch of porn, but like, The Hunting Wives, I feel like that was lesbian porn.

• 58:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Hell, yeah.

• 58:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I'm not like, oh, no, I don't want to see that. I also like gay male porn from heated rivalry. I mean, using the porn loosely, but I'm turned on by these scenes.

• 58:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 58:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  To be clear, two women, two men. And I'm straight as they come.

• 58:12Rayna Greenberg?

  But I think, like, some people, that's more easily digestible than, like, dick in vagina. Like, that's more of a, it's softcore.

• 58:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  100%.

• 58:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I think women are into softcore porn.

• 58:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Never want to see is some woman getting roughed up and just shoved in, all jostled around. You know, we, I always talk about that scene from Tell Me Lies. I didn't like it. I don't like when it's too rough like that. So, yeah, two women is always going to be a little bit better. I could watch two women, Rough House.

• 58:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Rough House, just fist each other.

• 58:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because I feel like heated rivalry was more gentle.

• 58:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's all, that's all softcore porn.

• 58:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly.

• 58:45Rayna Greenberg?

  And I think that that's easier to digest. It's actually, like, more true to life.

• 58:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  100%.

• 58:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I watch straight porn and I'm like, no one's doing this.

• 58:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, no, just getting, just getting the dog shit fucked out.

• 58:55Rayna Greenberg?

  The dog shit fucked out. So this slide, I had a lot of fun seeing what was in there. So we said, what other porn categories, kink and otherwise, are you guys into? There was a huge range.

• 59:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 59:07Rayna Greenberg?

  The number one that I came across, well, you guys are the first and the second word, but number one most reported was massage porn.

• 59:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was, I was, saw that and I get it.

• 59:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I have never been more turned on in my life. I was in a car with this guy who I was sleeping with and he was telling me about getting jerked off at this massage parlor. I don't even know how it came up. He's just like, yeah, I've been to one and this is what happened. And I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my entire life, listening to him talk about, I mean, by the way, this is not my boyfriend or someone I was in a committed relationship with, different story.

• 59:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 59:35Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, and then I started telling him this story about like, when I was at this massage parlor.

• 59:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 59:40Rayna Greenberg?

  And it was like, the hottest thing. So I like, get it. So massage porn, honestly, like number one response, very close second was power dynamics and that kind of, it ran the gamut. So teacher and student, boss and employee and a ton of like step, a ton of step families. So stepdad, stepsister and dad fucking sister's friend. That came up a ton.

• 1:00:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Laura, I'm glad I have to look at you. I'll be totally honest. I'm thrilled. Okay. Massage porn makes so much sense because it feels attainable. We've all been there.

• 1:00:14Rayna Greenberg?

  We've all hoped for it.

• 1:00:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's a romance aspect to it. You know, it's something that's like sensual and your body's being taken care of and then it gets sexual. So it's like, I really do understand the appeal. I'm pretty much turned on every time I get a massage. I mean, I don't want to make it weird, but like, it's like another thing that just feels like approachable, relatable. It's for my pleasure. Like I'm receiving this thing. It's like,

• 1:00:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  So that came up, but I mean, it was a huge range, all kinds of threesomes. So female, female, male, male, male, female. Trans porn came up a lot.

• 1:00:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:00:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  A lot of women's enjoyment and being pleasured, just in general, just women enjoying themselves. Masturbation. So watching somebody masturbate or mutual masturbation, which I like, love watching somebody masturbate and we'll talk about that later. Anal pegging, exhibitionism. So if you guys can think of it, it was in this slide.

• 1:01:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  The range is really huge. And again, it just reminds me that like, just because somebody fantasizes to this and jerks off to it, doesn't mean they're going to do it in real life.

• 1:01:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or they want to do it in real life. It's just, it's just a fantasy. It can really just be that.

• 1:01:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And just like scratching some sort of itch. You might not even know where it came from. Okay. We'll gloss over this one, but I'm comfortable if my partner watches porn. 70% said only in moderation. 17% said anytime and 13% said not at all. So that's pretty much what I expected. And the not at all could be younger or more conservative. Some people don't like it and that's, that's fine.

• 1:01:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we put up a slide after that that said, what are your just general thoughts on your partner consuming porn? And this was the biggest range I've ever seen.

• 1:01:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  So from people just being like, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It bothers me a lot. And I struggle with this notion of like, what do these women have that I don't? I'm worried about porn addiction. A lot of people are in the middle. I don't love it, but I just don't want to hear about it.

• 1:01:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, I just, don't tell me about it. Don't bring this to my attention. I think that's where most people are. Like, I don't need to hear about this, but you can. And it went all the way to the other end of the spectrum of like, I do it. So why can't they?

• 1:02:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, yeah, if you do it, then you can understand it. Like, I'm trying to put myself in these shoes. If Shashank was like, watching porn, I mean, I think if it was a lot, I'd be bothered.

• 1:02:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think that's how most people feel.

• 1:02:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And that's, that was the overwhelming response of like, it's healthy if it's in moderation. I don't want to know about it. If it's a problem, then it's a problem.

• 1:02:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And I have a problem with it and anything in moderation is fine, as long as it doesn't affect our sex life. We actually had one person say, I have a unique situation where I have very low libido. So this is a good solution for us.

• 1:02:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't think it's that unique.

• 1:02:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I don't know how old she is, but you certainly lose more libido as you age and for various reasons, whatever you're going through. And so that works for them. She's like, go watch porn and jerk off. I don't feel like doing that.

• 1:02:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I won't do this.

• 1:02:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Hit me up next week, maybe.

• 1:02:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I think whatever boundary you want to have, to me is fair, as long as you communicate that. Like you can have a no tolerance policy for it. That's fine.

• 1:03:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm. And then we really got into the juicy stuff. This is really what we wanted to discuss, which is do you watch porn with your partner or past partners? So we really were just wanting to get a vibe on like, who's doing this? Who's done it? And 58% never. So majority, never. 27% said on occasion. 13% said it totally depends on the partner and 1% all the time.

• 1:03:28Rayna Greenberg?

  All the time.

• 1:03:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Freaky 1%.

• 1:03:31Rayna Greenberg?

  All the time.

• 1:03:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  All the time. Okay. Good for you two. You found each other, which is what's important.

• 1:03:37Rayna Greenberg?

  So we're going to talk about a few things here. What was the motivation and how's that worked out for you? How did it come up? And what are some tips and tricks for doing it? And I mean, overwhelmingly it was really positive. The motivation, it's just, it's great foreplay. It leads to more sex. It really just turns us on and gives us other ideas. I mean, it has been really positive. It spices things up. It adds something new to the mix. And I love to see that people are just trying something new. It keeps the flames burning and all the way, of course, it was awkward and it was not for us.

• 1:04:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it says it leads to sex or an argument and no in between.

• 1:04:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I can see that though. Like, we will talk about tips and tricks for doing this with your partner, but I can see somebody being like, I like this category. And you're like, excuse me?

• 1:04:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:04:17Rayna Greenberg?

  What the fuck?

• 1:04:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I do think if you want to do this, maybe you talk about the type of porn you like before you put it up on the screen and make a decision. Like maybe just have a more soft intro into it. What are you kind of porn? Do you like, instead of you guys pulling up Pornhub and then you're like, wait, what?

• 1:04:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Can I ask you a question? Cause I was thinking about this last night, like when couples watch porn together, do they like mirror it from their phone to the TV? Like, how are they pulling it? I'm really curious.

• 1:04:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think it's probably a laptop situation.

• 1:04:47Rayna Greenberg?

  A laptop. Cause I'm always watching porn on my phone. But one time I decided to like gift myself just a fun experience and I mirrored it to my TV.

• 1:04:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:57Rayna Greenberg?

  But phone, but that would be hard with a partner to be like flipping through stuff on my phone.

• 1:05:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, oh my God, we should have put the, you guys, please let us know in the comments. People are going to be like, I'm not doing that. My face is on my avatar.

• 1:05:09Rayna Greenberg?

  They all told us, they were like, I like to watch stepdad fuck their daughters.

• 1:05:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bunch of people on YouTube and Spotify aren't going to be like, I like to watch porn on my TV. We mirror it. But if you feel comfortable, please do. I mean, I think, why not put it up on the TV?

• 1:05:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. It's a special treat. Mirror your phone on the TV.

• 1:05:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause I think we have this image of porn being more secretive. So you're on your laptop, you're on your phone, you're under the covers. If you're in your house with your partner, put it up on the big screen. Put it on the projector outside on the roof.

• 1:05:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Put that dick in HD.

• 1:05:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then first time watching porn with a partner, how did it come up? We're curious how you guys are getting there. So 40%, the majority of respondents, we came up with the idea together. And then 30% my partner suggested it and 30% I suggested it. So I mean, I don't really have much to say there. That's kind of what I figured. Sometimes it's your idea. Sometimes it's their idea. Sometimes it just sort of happens in conversation.

• 1:05:59Rayna Greenberg?

  What I could see happening more is something, again, like soft core porn, like leading to sex.

• 1:06:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Like a television show, like you know, Ravelry if you're cool.

• 1:06:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. We watched Heat Ravelry together.

• 1:06:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Did it get hard?

• 1:06:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Um, it didn't get hard. I was hard.

• 1:06:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's, it's a great way to start. I was going to say that. Like sexy TV shows. Yeah, we watched Honey and Wives together. I feel like we were really horny after that show.

• 1:06:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  So those are my two recommendations.

• 1:06:24Rayna Greenberg?

  That's a great, Honeywise is a great tip.

• 1:06:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're pull up some old Cinemax from the nineties.

• 1:06:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'm glad that you said that because we did ask people like, how do you start? And one of the first responses was start with something kind of tame. You don't need a hard launch of new kink right now.

• 1:06:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:38Rayna Greenberg?

  And so I like the idea of like Hunting Wives, which is not intrinsically, it's not hardcore porn. It's just like, this is some sexy TV.

• 1:06:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. A hundred percent.

• 1:06:46Rayna Greenberg?

  So I like that. You guys had so many great tips, but you know, obviously talk about this ahead of time. You should talk to your partner always about their fantasies and what they're into and approach it with like curiosity. And I do think some stuff that, not that you don't want to hear, but some surprising stuff is going to come up and just know that you are kind of like, opening a bit of a Pandora's box. So try to approach this with curiosity and understanding and not judgment.

• 1:07:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Be open minded. Again, have the conversations ahead of time. And those things are just nice, fun, sexy conversations to have in the first place. Like, why not? Like, why not discuss it ahead of time? Don't frame this as something missing in your relationship. Again, just like in addition to what's hopefully an already healthy relationship is let's spice things up. Do it drunk the first time. Take the edge off.

• 1:07:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I think if you're a couple that drinks, you've had some drinks. I don't think it's sober, Sunday morning, you want to put a porn on, babe.

• 1:07:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, it's got to be at night with the, you got a glare coming in.

• 1:07:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 1:07:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Off the TV.

• 1:07:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Alcohol.

• 1:07:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Smoke a little weed.

• 1:07:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Don't take it so seriously. Just have fun.

• 1:07:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  So most people overwhelmingly said, I, so this is women answering, I choose what to watch and that's what makes us the most comfortable and that he'll be turned on. If you're turned on. And most women said, we do what I want.

• 1:08:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I'm supportive of that.

• 1:08:02Rayna Greenberg?

  A hundred percent in every area of your relationship. And then lastly, high level, make your own porn and re-watch your own videos.

• 1:08:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have never heard on that.

• 1:08:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Never want to see, I never want to see my cheeks getting clapped in HD and 4K. I mean, I have made videos for people I've been dating and I send them on Instagram in like disappearing mode so that I don't have to worry that they're being screen recorded. But it really turns me on to make them and I will obviously save them to my phone and it turns me on to watch myself.

• 1:08:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm. So do that. Work up, build up to it. Yeah. You can ease into all of this and it can be over time.

• 1:08:37Rayna Greenberg?

  And that was like years ago in 2021, we had an episode about BDSM with the dominatrix and she also was saying, you know, the first thing I tell people is like, start with a sleep mask, a blindfold, like nothing do you have to go in at like the Black Diamond Hill level.

• 1:08:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:08:53Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, so just ease your way in and so many people are doing this and also if you do it once and you're like, this is not for me, that's fine too. Lots of people feel like that. You're not some like nerd or prude. If you're like, I'm not trying to watch porn together.

• 1:09:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. Okay, we are going to end this with one final email. She says, I'm curious what you ladies think. I've been with my husband for six years, married for three. Recently, I've expressed interest in wanting to watch him masturbate. He is completely turned off by the idea and thinks it's super weird. He says it's his private time and doesn't want me to watch. I think it would be super hot and I'm also just curious. I have told him he could watch me or we do it at the same time, but that still hasn't convinced him. I've also asked, what is a fantasy of his that I could fulfill? And he wants to give me a facial, but I don't really want that. Maybe fair is fair though. What I'm wondering in a committed relationship is masturbation commonly a private thing or are people out here just watching each other or doing it at the same time? And we just don't know. Is this kinky or normal behavior? But really, what is normal these days anyway? Would love to hear your thoughts.

• 1:09:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's kinky and it's normal. And I think not wanting to do it and you know, any part of this is normal. Both of you are right. Like, and it's not both of you are right, both of you are wrong. It's just both of you are right. And I really, I've dated somebody in particular, I've really enjoyed that. We enjoyed that. I like to watch him. He liked to watch me. That's like, was like a really fun, sexy thing. But that is like a high level kink. It's normal because I felt safe and I felt turned on by it and I loved when he sent me videos, but like, that's not for everybody. I think a lot of people don't feel comfortable in that environment. It is their private time. A lot of people are not going to sit on a bed and masturbate in front of the person. And like, they're both normal to me.

• 1:10:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I just think there are a lot of guys that aren't comfortable doing this. I still think he would like to watch her. Who wouldn't?

• 1:10:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:10:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  If he's got some kink in him, he wants to come in her face. So

• 1:10:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:10:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's not, he's not, yes, he's not just like, oh my God, ew. Like, he's not some super duper buttoned up guy. I was worried at, as I was reading this for the first time when she asked him what a fantasy was, he didn't give her anything. He's, you can get something out of him, but if he really doesn't want to do this, you can't force it on him.

• 1:10:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you could introduce it and you could introduce it again in six months. You know, like just don't badger him with this because you have decided six years into a relationship, you want this thing. And I'm not saying that's what she's doing, but it could happen. It might not just happen right now. I, I just think he's going to like to watch her, but also don't just start masturbating if he doesn't want it. Like, it's going to get awkward.

• 1:11:20Rayna Greenberg?

  She just walks in the room like Louis C.K.

• 1:11:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God. Exactly. That was like, exactly. And this plant right here. He's like, I'm going to come in this plant while you watch. No, but again, if they, if they drink, that could always help to lubricate you. I mean, we always want to be sensitive about that. Not everything needs to be drunk to try it out, but sometimes you want to feel a little bit more comfortable. I like that she was like, fair is fair. I get it. You don't want to have him to come in your face. I don't either. I don't know what to do. I'm closing my eyes and plugging my nose. Like, I don't know how people are getting come down the face. Like, maybe you have more tips, but like

• 1:11:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Fuck, no.

• 1:11:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Fuck, no.

• 1:11:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm like, I'll do anything. Not that.

• 1:11:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I'm, I'm with her in, like, if, I think she probably feels that's degrading, but he probably feels like it's an invasion of privacy to watch him jerk off. Like, neither of you are, are wrong. You don't want to be degraded. He doesn't want to feel like you've invaded his privacy. And so, I don't know. Like, can he come on your neck? Can we, your chest?

• 1:12:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Your chest.

• 1:12:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Can we work up to that? Give him just enough? Can he come on her chest and she's like, let me see you touch your dick?

• 1:12:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:12:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. Can we sort of start to build up to this? But again, don't badger him too much. Like, you guys have been together a long time. This is probably coming out of nowhere for him.

• 1:12:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. I mean, that's the other thing. I mean, when I told you about this, that I was doing this with this guy, who's probably the most sexual person I've ever met my entire life.

• 1:12:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Maybe a sex addict.

• 1:12:41Rayna Greenberg?

  But I don't, I say this to say like, this is not like intermediary level stuff.

• 1:12:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's advanced.

• 1:12:48Rayna Greenberg?

  This is advanced level stuff. And you were like, my husband and I are not at home jerking off in front of each other.

• 1:12:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I wrote that down. I was trying to work a bit out. Like, yeah, like, Shoshawn comes home, he's like, lay in the bed and masturbate. I'm like, what? I'm working. Like, you're still in your work shirt. When you're going to boss me around? Take the dog out. We have a great sex life, but yeah. It's weird to picture, like, we would do that more if we were like in a hotel on vacation or something.

• 1:13:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, where we started that.

• 1:13:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly. Yeah. We, the three of us.

• 1:13:22Rayna Greenberg?

  You were in the hotel too.

• 1:13:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I, I

• 1:13:24Rayna Greenberg?

  So I was sort of

• 1:13:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was down the hall.

• 1:13:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you were in the hotel somewhere. I think it's really sexy and it really turns me on. And I think a good compromise, he watches you. Maybe what I would also do is while you guys are having sex, I would touch myself. And like, which also feels so kinky. And so, like, if he enjoys that, I think it's a short step to like, well, what if you just watched me solo?

• 1:13:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'd be surprised if that hasn't happened. Who isn't touching themselves during sex six years in?

• 1:13:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know.

• 1:13:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  A lot of people.

• 1:13:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:13:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, this is no shade. It's just like, this woman who wants to watch her husband jerk off, I'm sure has stroked her clit while she's on top.

• 1:14:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, if you haven't, start.

• 1:14:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I feel like I didn't do that until like my 30s. I was like, that's the

• 1:14:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh.

• 1:14:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  sexiest thing I could ever do. Look at me. I'm such a baddie.

• 1:14:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, well, great. Start there.

• 1:14:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think you start there. I think he can watch you and like, I dare him to not touch himself while he's watching you.

• 1:14:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:14:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why don't you tell him? Just why don't you sit there? Don't touch yourself.

• 1:14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm just laughing, thinking about, she's just always trying to catch him. Like, she, like, she's always, like, in the, he comes in the kitchen, she's like, sitting there masturbating. Like, she just walks around the house masturbating. She's like, you better look at me. Don't look away.

• 1:14:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  She, they're on a car trip, like a long car ride.

• 1:14:32Rayna Greenberg?

  She traps him on a road trip.

• 1:14:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:35Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, why are you taking your

• 1:14:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's driving.

• 1:14:37Rayna Greenberg?

  And she just starts masturbating. What are you going to do about it? You're driving. But I mean, I really am rooting for you guys because I think it's so fun and like such a special treat. And I hope to do it till the day I die.

• 1:14:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Well, thank you guys so much for sharing. As always, we just love that you are so open with us and sharing your lives and allow us to do episodes like this with a lot of data. So I hope you enjoyed it. GirlsGottaEat.com, GirlsGottaEat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok. Raina is Rayna Greenberg, RainaGreenberg.com for her tour tickets this fall tour starting soon. And you can watch a full video on Spotify and YouTube Vibes Only. Get those

• 1:15:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Get some vibes.

• 1:15:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sex toys. They're incredible. Lots on sale right now. So hit VibesOnly.com. And that's it. We will see you guys Thursday.

• 1:15:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't even know where to go from here. Have a great week, guys.

• 1:15:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

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