Written by a model from the transcript; not yet reviewed.
A caller consults Esther Perel questioning whether she is being gaslit by her partner of two years or if she is simply overly sensitive and difficult. Throughout the conversation, she shares specific examples of how her partner invalidates her experiences, shouts at her when she is stressed or vulnerable, and shifts blame onto her while professing deep love and friendship. The host helps the guest see that she already knows the reality of her situation, unpacking common gaslighting dynamics such as reality manipulation, blame-shifting, and the constant need to second-guess oneself. They examine why smart, capable people stay in such cycles, connecting the current relationship to past experiences with boundaries and burnout. Ultimately, the guest is left to confront deeper questions about recurring relational patterns and whether love alone can sustain a dynamic that erodes her sense of self.
Esther Perel introduces the call and the caller’s question about being gaslit or overly sensitive.
The caller shares specific incidents of conflict and feelings of being treated poorly in private moments.
Esther asks about the relationship’s history and earlier examples to uncover patterns of behavior.
Discussion focuses on the caller’s difficulty setting boundaries and the impact on self-esteem.
Esther outlines common gaslighting tactics and asks the caller to recognize them in her experiences.
Esther and the caller weigh the possibility of staying, changing dynamics, or ending the relationship.
The conversation concludes with reflection, encouragement, and a reminder of the caller’s own agency.
Questioning Gaslighting Or Sensitivityinsight
The guest opens the call by sharing her central confusion about whether her partner is gaslit her or if she is just overly sensitive and bad.
Shouting During Vulnerabilitystory
The guest describes a trip where she felt sick and premenstrual, and her partner spent the drive shouting at her for not being nice to him.
Projective Identification And Denialinsight
The host identifies the cycle of self-doubt and confusion, noting how the guest's rationalizations mirror the classic dynamic of staying with someone who needs them to be one-down.
Seven Common Gaslighting Phrasesinsight
The host lists typical gaslighting behaviors, such as telling someone they are too emotional, overthinking, or that things did not happen the way they remember.
Qualifying Every Experienceinsight
The guest has an epiphany that her partner qualifies her every experience, acting as a master and judge over her reality, work, and friendships.
Trumping Feelings With Crisisstory
The guest explains how her partner responds to her peak stress or medical burnout by threatening to break up or introducing a crisis of his own.
Two Denials Collidinginsight
The host explains that these toxic dynamics persist when one partner's denial meets the other partner's denial that they can walk away at any time.
The Deeper Pattern To Examineinsight
The host challenges the guest to explore why an accomplished, autonomous woman repeatedly finds herself in relationships where she ends up in a battered position.
In this classic Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
6,012 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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