"RE-RELEASE: Charlie Day"

Wrap yourself in cashmere and come sit by the fire with Mr. Charlie Day, who joins us this week to give career advice and acting tips. Jason learns about ‘voluntary additional school,’ Sean wails on the slide-whistle, and Will teases us with intimate details about his relationship with Forte. Welcome to SmartLess. This episode was originally released on 2/28/2022.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So this may not surprise you, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. And my dream is to just blurt them out and somehow get them down on paper, because my brain works way faster than my hands. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. No more typing, you just talk, and the Rambler feature cleans up your ums and uhs and all the times you change your mind. Basically, it turns messy thoughts into tidy text. Visit googlebook.com for details. Available in select countries and languages to 18-plus users. Check the responses for accuracy.

• 0:43Jason Bateman?

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• 1:23Sean Hayes?

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• 1:59Sean Hayes?

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• 2:44Will Arnett?

  Hi there. This is Will Arnett, host of the Will Arnett Fun Zone Podcast.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  Hang on, Will.

• 2:51Will Arnett?

  This week, what?

• 2:52Speaker 03

  We've talked about this, man. We've been over this like so many times.

• 2:55Will Arnett?

  Okay. But we are doing it though, right? We are gonna do that.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  No, we're not. This is Smartless.

• 3:00Will Arnett?

  Okay. Fun Zone?

• 3:02Speaker 03

  I know.

• 3:03Will Arnett?

  Well, what are we doing today?

• 3:04Speaker 03

  All we need is a super simple, "Welcome to Smartless."

• 3:06Will Arnett?

  Oh, right. I gotta dig deep for this. Welcome to Smartless!

• 3:27Will Arnett?

  Now, listen, Jason, before we get too deep into the show, we need to talk about the crew, the crew collar. And now you've, tell us what, walk us through what happened this morning.

• 3:38Jason Bateman?

  Well, I went ahead and I got showered and changed prior to our record for my golf engagement, following this record.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Oh, you golf?

• 3:47Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Not proud to say, but Chuckles over there does it too. So, yeah, so I put on, I put on my collared shirt, as you're required to do, and then it's a little chilly here in Los Angeles, so I put on a nice wrap over the top of it, a nice cashmere wrap. And the collar on that crew neck was a little tight, so it took the collar of my undershirt there and pushed it up, and then Will was hurting me, calling it a mock turtleneck. So that sweater's gone, I'm gonna go to a V-neck.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  And Will said, we were talking about money for producing the podcast, and Will said...

• 4:22Will Arnett?

  What's the budget for mock turtlenecks for Jason? For the budget, coming out of the budget.

• 4:26Jason Bateman?

  I've already maxed it.

• 4:28Will Arnett?

  It's a fair question. First of all, you're allowed to mock a mock turtleneck. It's built into the name.

• 4:33Jason Bateman?

  Name. Hey, but by the way, I will never, you'll never see me in a mock turtleneck. You'll never see me in a turtleneck for sure because I've got, probably, you know, they ask you sometimes, you know, what's the one thing you change about your body? It's probably my non-superhero jawline. I've got sort of like a, sort of a diagonal, a diagonal from the end of my chin to my Adam's apple. As opposed to a 90-degree thing. So if I wear a turtleneck, I then have the turkey goblet hangover over the edge that cascades, that skin that cascades over the edge of the turtleneck. I can't have it.

• 5:09Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, I get it.

• 5:10Will Arnett?

  I disagree. You both have nice, nice silhouettes.

• 5:12Sean Hayes?

  Go back to the thing, though, about being cold. It's cold in L.A. I came down the stairs today, I'm not, not making this up. I came downstairs and Scotty had the heat, heat on, on the first floor of Los Angeles. And the heat, and I was sweating by the time I got to the bottom of it.

• 5:26Will Arnett?

  Sean, you come down the stairs, your Hollywood house, every day like Gloria Swanson, right?

• 5:31Sean Hayes?

  That's right, in a flowing, in a flowing housecoat.

• 5:35Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 5:36Will Arnett?

  Ready for my close-up.

• 5:38Speaker 04

  It's so great to see you guys.

• 5:40Will Arnett?

  It's so great to see you guys, too. This is, this is really exciting. I'm excited for you guys to talk to our guest today.

• 5:49Sean Hayes?

  Oh, I am excited to listen.

• 5:50Will Arnett?

  Because our guest is somebody, it's a, this is a mega talent. This person is a, a person who's been doing it for a long time. This person is not just an actor, this person is a writer. This person is a skilled musician who started playing violin at the age of three. They can play the piano, accordion, trombone, guitar, harmonica, and has written and improvised music a lot in a show that they've done now for many, many years. This person received an honorary doctorate in performing arts from Merrimack College. This person, you know, was active at Williamstown Theater Festival back in the day.

• 6:29Will Arnett?

  This person has gone on to a huge career in television in, I guess, the longest-running TV comedy of all time. This person has-

• 6:39Jason Bateman?

  Slow down here. I wanna, I wanna do some guesses here.

• 6:41Will Arnett?

  Well, this is, this is my guess, and it makes sense, because this is my friend, and I'm so happy to have my friend. And I want you guys to start trying to guess. This person has done lots of movies. This person was in the Lego Movie with me.

• 6:52Sean Hayes?

  This is Charlie Day?

• 6:53Jason Bateman?

  Longest-running comedy-

• 6:54Will Arnett?

  The Lego Movie 2.

• 6:56Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Will Arnett?

  Pacific Rim.

• 6:58Sean Hayes?

  Longest-running comedy.

• 6:58Will Arnett?

  Horrible Bosses, and its sequel.

• 7:02Jason Bateman?

  Well, it's gotta be Chuck Day.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's Charlie Day!

• 7:06Jason Bateman?

  Oh, thank God!

• 7:08Speaker 05

  Right. You're scraping the bottom of the barrel, Matt.

• 7:11Will Arnett?

  No, I was-

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Time to wrap the show up!

• 7:14Jason Bateman?

  So, Chuck, what about, this is, now, I think the reason you've taken so long to book on this is your schedule.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  It took a real long time for someone to ask me. I think that's what it was.

• 7:29Jason Bateman?

  I can't believe Rob McElhenney beat you onto this show.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  Oh, that's nonsense.

• 7:32Jason Bateman?

  What does that say about us?

• 7:33Will Arnett?

  Here's, here's my favorite part, is that Bateman and Chuck Day have been friends for many years. They've done a few movies together, and I was so happy to steal Charlie as my guest from under Bateman, just, just to really put it-

• 7:46Sean Hayes?

  I would've had him on, too.

• 7:47Will Arnett?

  I know.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  I think maybe you did ask me.

• 7:49Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, definitely. And then you were saying, "Yeah, gosh, you know, I don't know, we're starting a podcast." And I, I think you gave me a little bit of a runaround, and I don't, I don't like to pressure people. I, I know you were looking to get paid quite a bit of money for today's spot.

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was waiting for you guys to make money, so I could start making money, which is cool, because Will cut me a great check for this.

• 8:08Will Arnett?

  I had to send him over cash, a guy with a rucksack full of cash.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, and that's a pay cut for me, guys, so I-

• 8:14Jason Bateman?

  Because you're not doing that well, right? You know, that show is not paying you.

• 8:18Speaker 05

  I've made a lot of bad decisions, though, you know what I mean? I made a lot of sketchy calls.

• 8:23Sean Hayes?

  Wait, we, we had, Charlie, we had McElhenney on, and, and what, is it really the longest-running sitcom in history?

• 8:30Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, well, years. If you don't count episodes. I think you, you did more episodes of Will and Grace in like two seasons than we've done, but-

• 8:39Jason Bateman?

  How many years is it now? This is something we don't want to gloss over because this is, you should be, and I'm sure you are, so proud of how long this show has been on the air.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's so cool.

• 8:50Will Arnett?

  We're talking, of course, about Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  It's 15 years. We just, we just had 15 seasons.

• 8:57Jason Bateman?

  And you're about to do another one or two?

• 8:59Speaker 05

  Uh, I don't know, at least another one, and we'll see after that.

• 9:03Jason Bateman?

  Look at, look at the way he's positioning right there. He knows Fox is listening, FX, whatever the hell it is. And he's gonna jam them again. He's gonna get it to 20.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  You know what it is? We've done a lot. We've done a lot of these. I don't know how long we can keep them up.

• 9:15Will Arnett?

  Nothing adds more zeros than a foot out the door, right? I mean, that's just gets them.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  That's true, yeah.

• 9:20Will Arnett?

  So Charlie, let's talk a little bit about, because we were talking about Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is a huge, long-running show, longest by years. Could you have imagined, take us back to the day when you actually, when it actually became a TV show? Because we had Rob on here, we talked about it. You guys made some videos and stuff, and you shot some stuff. Is that, am I remembering that correctly? And you took it to FX?

• 9:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's basically it. I mean, we were shooting in my apartment, which was on the corner of Western and Franklin there. I lived, and I think I paid 600 bucks a month for rent.

• 9:57Jason Bateman?

  You got robbed.

• 9:58Will Arnett?

  Quick aside, Jason, last time you were east of Coinga. Five, four, three, two.

• 10:03Jason Bateman?

  Back in the drug days, for sure.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think I might have seen you scoring on the corner, yeah.

• 10:09Jason Bateman?

  There was a payphone I'd like to hang out at.

• 10:12Speaker 05

  I might have had to run you down a dime bag or something once, I'm not sure what it was.

• 10:16Jason Bateman?

  Oh my god, well.

• 10:17Will Arnett?

  So you're in your apartment.

• 10:18Jason Bateman?

  Right, and was there a phone call from the, from your agent or manager or something that said, "They bought it"?

• 10:24Speaker 05

  You know what it was? So we had shot this thing, and it was like pretty good, but we knew we'd sort of not hit the nail on the head. And we had nothing really going on, so we redid the whole thing. And we were doing it so cheaply. We were holding the cameras, we had a little boom. It was, it was real low rent. And our second go-around was pretty funny. We thought, "There's something here." And we were all at Three Arts Management at the time. So like Nick Frankel and Michael Rotenberg took it to WME, and they, they kind of sat on it for a while. They're like, "Yeah, maybe we'll, we'll hook you up with a big producer." And, uh, God, we waited forever for Jon Favreau to watch it. And he just, I guess he never got around to it.

• 11:09Sean Hayes?

  Uh, the one that got away.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  I know. Well, I mean, I'm so glad I'm not cutting half a check to Jon, you know, like, uh, I mean, I'm sure he would have helped a lot, but, uh, you know, it's nice not to have to be paying him anything. But, uh, eventually we got kind of bored and we shot a third episode and

• 11:27Will Arnett?

  Literally you, you, you shot it because you were just in this waiting because the age, the agencies are so you're just, you guys are on their timetable.

• 11:34Sean Hayes?

  Well, that and the only thing to do on Western is either move the dime bags or shoot another episode. And, uh,

• 11:40Will Arnett?

  It should be, it should be noted, can I just take this, am I right in saying this? And you guys can agree or disagree with me. The, the, the agenting in, in, uh, show business is hilarious because like you can't get in touch with your agent, uh, in the first thing in the morning because they're in a staff meeting. Every agent takes lunch at one o'clock, no matter what. So they're out of the office for two hours.

• 12:01Sean Hayes?

  They need an hour or so to get there.

• 12:02Will Arnett?

  They need an hour to get there, so they leave at 12. Sorry, we lost him. He's on his way to a lunch and then he's back at three. Then they do the thing is like, well, uh, he's not in the office. Why not? Well, because next week is Thanksgiving. Yeah, next week is Thanksgiving, not this week. The fuck are you doing?

• 12:17Sean Hayes?

  And then, and then the month of December.

• 12:19Will Arnett?

  And then month of December, sorry, it's the holidays. Sure, got it. And then they go, and then, you know, obviously Sundance is at the end of January, so nobody's back till Feb 1. It's the most ridiculous racket of all time.

• 12:31Speaker 05

  We were getting a lot of that.

• 12:32Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. The end of the day goes like this. Well, the end of the day goes, sorry that we're closed. He's going to start rolling calls and then they call knowing you're not going to pick up.

• 12:39Will Arnett?

  Yeah. Or, or they call you at seven o'clock and you're having dinner with the kid and you're like, why are you calling me now?

• 12:44Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Will Arnett?

  Sorry. Sorry, Charlie.

• 12:46Speaker 05

  No, that's it though. We lost sort of patience with that kind of thing. And we said, we're going to leave you guys and we're going to go to a different agency with this. And that sort of prompted them setting a bunch of meetings and, and, uh, Rob went around because we thought maybe it'd be too much to have all three of us in, in the meeting. So Rob went and, and, uh, We had an offer from FX to shoot a, you know, a real pilot with a real budget.

• 13:09Jason Bateman?

  Rob's the closer.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  He's a closer. He's better in the meeting. He's a better salesman.

• 13:14Jason Bateman?

  Where, now, how are you in meetings? Because I don't think I'm great in meetings. I don't enjoy them. I feel like I'm trapped in an office. I feel like I'm 45 minutes from getting out of these walls. So it better not go bad in the next minute or two because I'm stuck. Like, all those things I start to feel, I start to think about, and then it just, the walls start getting closer and closer like Star Wars. How are you? Do you look at it as like an arena, like I'm on stage, or this is fun, like let's win? Or are you looking to get out of there? It's tough. It's a tough part of this business.

• 13:46Speaker 05

  You know, it depends. They're all very different. You go into a meeting and you just, sometimes you just get cold stares and...

• 13:54Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, well, often.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  I do have that vibe sometimes of like, well, here's the idea, guys. Do you want to buy it or not? Okay.

• 14:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, if you have that indifference, what's it called, Will?

• 14:03Will Arnett?

  Sexy, it's called sexy.

• 14:05Jason Bateman?

  Sexy indifference.

• 14:06Speaker 05

  Sexy indifference, yeah.

• 14:07Will Arnett?

  Charlie, you know about his sexy indifference, right?

• 14:09Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  It's one of the major terms.

• 14:15Jason Bateman?

  But yeah, it's, you know, it's, you're either selling or you're buying. The buyers usually look at you with absolutely no expression because they can. The sellers, us, have to go in there like, you know, circus clowns because we're selling. And that's really what we do in this business. And in a good year, you're selling, you know, you're selling yourself six, seven, eight times and winning. Like, in other words, you get fired, you know, half a dozen times and rehired half a dozen times if you're killing it. So, I mean, how many people in other industries have to sell themselves or get fired or rehired, maybe three, four times, over their whole life? I mean, we got to do that all the time. It's tough. It was hard for me.

• 14:56Will Arnett?

  It is crazy, but then you look at the flip of it, Charlie. So you guys, you guys go through this process. You make this thing, you wait, you make this thing, you wait, you're waiting, you have to threaten to leave the agency. Finally FX buys it. You guys are kind of... A little bit hat in hand and now all these years later, you're at the position we asked you right at like, are you gonna do more? You're like, maybe I'll do one more, whatever. Like you have the, the tables have turned a little bit.

• 15:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, well.

• 15:20Will Arnett?

  Not a little bit, a lot.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, I think the thing is though, when we were shooting that pilot, I was 27 years old.

• 15:28Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 15:28Speaker 05

  And I'm 46 and so I feel like, you know, I put in my time with this one.

• 15:33Jason Bateman?

  You look 23 though.

• 15:34Will Arnett?

  I know, it's incredible.

• 15:35Jason Bateman?

  How have you lost age since you started?

• 15:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:37Jason Bateman?

  Must be a real stress free set there.

• 15:40Sean Hayes?

  But, but we all make, we all make stuff, we all produce or write or direct or act, whatever. And Charlie, kind of what Jason was talking about, is there a point where you, like, are you getting to a point where it's bothersome that the grind is getting to you about getting all these no's? Because it seems now to put together a package to sell something, you have to really stack the deck high before anybody will even consider. You hear about Meryl Streep getting passed or on, or whoever, these big stars go out to pitch these shows and they get passed. Well, if they get passed and I'm stacking these deck and we're getting no's, what does it take to keep a production company going?

• 16:17Speaker 05

  I like to get everything done independently of, of a partner. So, you know, I, like, I'd rather, if I'm gonna be pitching a movie, I'd rather have the whole thing written.

• 16:26Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 16:27Speaker 05

  And say, you know, and.

• 16:28Jason Bateman?

  And a director in place and an actor in place. And like, here's, we're going.

• 16:31Speaker 05

  This is what it is.

• 16:32Sean Hayes?

  So all they do is write the check?

• 16:34Speaker 05

  Basically.

• 16:35Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know, as it should be.

• 16:37Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, but then that means you gotta do a bunch of work for free ahead of time, which is cool if you've got the time and the, and the funds to bank on yourself and, and work for free for a little while. Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 05

  Look, at some point, you're gonna have to do that work anyway. So I'm, I'm usually, it depends, right? There's other things I'll pitch and I'll know, okay, I wanna get a writer on this and I wanna get that person paid. So I'll, but even then, I'll work with that writer. I'll develop a whole outline. So that movie is basically ready to go and I'll attach a few people to the movie and then I'll go in and be like, here it is, this is what it is. Here's who's acting in it. Here's the director. Now please pay this guy.

• 17:16Jason Bateman?

  And Will and Sean, you gotta understand, this guy is. He's so fast and he's so good. He wrote Horrible Buses 2 on a five-hour plane ride from New York to Los Angeles. I'm not exaggerating. He did a complete rewrite, page one rewrite on it, and we used most of it. And out of deference to our writers that wrote the draft before, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but Charlie deserves a great deal of credit for that.

• 17:43Speaker 05

  Well, I appreciate that. I don't want to take credit away from, you know, the guys who wound up doing it.

• 17:50Jason Bateman?

  You don't even remember their names. What an asshole. I mean, he's just, he's fast, but he is a prick.

• 17:54Speaker 05

  I'm fast with writing, I'm real slow with names.

• 17:57Jason Bateman?

  And we will be right back.

• 18:00Sean Hayes?

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• 18:45Sean Hayes?

  So whether you're trying to wind down, get some energy going, have people over, whatever it is, Sonos helps set the mood. Love the sound, feel the system. Visit sonos.com to build your system.

• 19:01Sean Hayes?

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• 19:44Sean Hayes?

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• 20:07Jason Bateman?

  This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by SkinnyPop popcorn. So I think one of the great journeys in life is finding the snack that's right for you. You know, and it's constantly changing. But what is constant is the love of popcorn I think that we all have. So finding a snack that tastes great and feels like a solid choice should not be more complicated than solving a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. SkinnyPop popcorn, made with simple quality ingredients, always satisfies. No overthinking required, no jigsaw puzzle assembly required. It's a no-brainer.

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• 21:37Jason Bateman?

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• 22:18Jason Bateman?

  And now, back to the show.

• 22:20Will Arnett?

  Wait, so speaking of names, so you and, obviously you have a long time relationship with Rob McLean. How did you guys first meet? What was that?

• 22:27Speaker 05

  I met Rob on a plane. So we were both being flown out.

• 22:30Jason Bateman?

  Writing Hall of Vosses.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  We were both being flown out to test for a pilot, for the same role.

• 22:36Jason Bateman?

  No way.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  And it was one of those things where, you know, you're in the airport and you're like, oh, this guy's gotta be an actor. You know, he's got that look. And the show is called Mather House. It's about college kids or something like that. And, you know, I think, I don't know when I said hello, but maybe after the plane landed and...

• 22:52Will Arnett?

  Where were you coming from? From New York?

• 22:53Speaker 05

  From New York, yeah. We both lived in New York and we were flying out. You know, they put you up on, like at the Hilton or something, right on, right off the 101 there.

• 23:02Will Arnett?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  By Universal.

• 23:03Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:04Will Arnett?

  Many times.

• 23:04Speaker 05

  So we're both staying there and then...

• 23:06Jason Bateman?

  You used to find Jason on the sign.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:09Will Arnett?

  I used to remember pilot season, I used to come out there and stay there, or the Sheraton, or the Intercontinental over by Fox, which is where Tony Hale and I stayed for the arrested test. Anyway, keep going.

• 23:18Speaker 05

  It was my second time that happened. It happened to me, I tested for something called Weird Henry. And they liked me for Weird Henry. And they flew me out and then they did one sort of, you know, round of notes with the producers. And then the studio was like, this show's not gonna work. And they canned the whole thing. And then the same thing happened with Rob. Rob and I both went and tested. And I remember thinking like, ah, I got this guy. He doesn't have the charisma. I don't, I'm not worried about him.

• 23:46Jason Bateman?

  Look at his stupid face.

• 23:47Speaker 05

  Look at his dumb face, man. He's, he's never gonna make it in show business.

• 23:51Will Arnett?

  He'll never own a football team with Ryan Reynolds.

• 23:54Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:54Jason Bateman?

  Forget it.

• 23:56Speaker 05

  He was too handsome. I was like, he's too model-y. You know, you need someone real. And then same thing happened. They canned the whole show while we were out there. And we just kind of bonded and stayed buddies and, you know. Now I can't get rid of him. You know, every year I'm like, well, maybe, maybe we've done it with the show. He's like, come on, one more. Let's, let's go.

• 24:17Will Arnett?

  And then, so not only can you not get rid of him, Always Sunny, then you guys create Mythic Quest with, it wasn't just the two of you, it was somebody else too.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, with Megan Gans.

• 24:26Will Arnett?

  Megan Gans, yes, of course.

• 24:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I can't get rid of this guy. You know, I go on podcasts, I'm just talking about him. I'm like, I hear him. He barely talks about me. I'm talking about this guy constantly.

• 24:37Jason Bateman?

  No, no, he talks about you quite a bit. We just can't repeat it.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 24:41Will Arnett?

  And you guys started a podcast together too. Now you've got this Always Sunny podcast.

• 24:44Speaker 05

  And now we're talking about the show and people are listening.

• 24:46Will Arnett?

  But we're not here to plug that. We're not going to talk about that.

• 24:49Jason Bateman?

  Let's plug all, everything you got.

• 24:52Speaker 05

  I think what we should really, if we really want to get this cooking, we should just talk about golf.

• 24:56Jason Bateman?

  Let's go.

• 24:57Speaker 05

  First of all, when we were doing Horrible Bosses, and I'm a bit of a golf nut, I would, I would say, oh, Jason, you know, I heard you used to golf. And you said, yeah, I don't do it anymore. I was like, well, you should come out with me, you know, maybe sometime and just, you know, dust off the old sticks and hit a few. You are the most golfing man I know now.

• 25:15Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it's incredible.

• 25:16Speaker 05

  Non-stop.

• 25:17Jason Bateman?

  And back then, back then I was very disciplined. I didn't want to dance with the dragon again. You know, I've got addiction issues.

• 25:22Speaker 05

  Yes, yes, yes. You are fully addicted to golf.

• 25:25Will Arnett?

  Dance with the dragon.

• 25:27Jason Bateman?

  No, that's a saying. And then during COVID, you know, Will just threw me a lifeline. He said, listen, buddy, you gotta step away from Rachel Maddow, take your PJs off, and let's get out there, do something socially distant. Let's, let's play golf.

• 25:41Will Arnett?

  And two weeks later, we were in Pebble Beach.

• 25:43Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 25:43Will Arnett?

  No joke.

• 25:44Jason Bateman?

  He put it right in my arm.

• 25:46Speaker 05

  I love it. Well, I love that you do it. I hope you don't give it up.

• 25:50Jason Bateman?

  No, no, I don't. Look at me. I'm dressed. Look at my outfit, for Christ's sake. I'm a half hour from the tee.

• 25:55Speaker 05

  Well, keep it snappy, because I know you got a tee time.

• 25:57Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, let's go.

• 25:58Sean Hayes?

  Charlie, I have a-

• 25:59Will Arnett?

  Sean, I know, I know your question is gonna be, hey, Charlie, how, how long and straight are you off the tee? Very. He's very consistent off the tee. It's unbelievable.

• 26:07Jason Bateman?

  This guy's a single-digit handicap, listeners. Anybody who's into golf, this guy, this guy doesn't shoot over 80. Okay? It's, he's a natural athlete. Played a lot of baseball when he was coming up.

• 26:17Speaker 05

  This is the most you know about me. This is surprising.

• 26:21Will Arnett?

  Wait, so, so Charlie, speaking of growing up, so, so I, I mentioned in the thing that you play piano and you play all these instruments. What's up with that?

• 26:27Speaker 05

  No, I don't know where the-

• 26:28Jason Bateman?

  Look at Sean perked up. Sean doesn't wanna talk about a long off the tee, but, oh, let's get that harmonica in his mouth, huh?

• 26:34Speaker 05

  Let's do it. Let's, I probably have one lying around. Uh, I don't know where the violin thing came. Like, I was- There you go. You have that ready to go?

• 26:45Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, anytime there's a bad joke.

• 26:48Jason Bateman?

  Hey, where's that keyboard we were gonna introduce this year, Sean?

• 26:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:51Sean Hayes?

  We're gonna, I know, I'm too lazy to lift this up and go in there because they gotta hook it all up. But wait, Charlie, do you still-

• 26:56Jason Bateman?

  Grab the slide thing.

• 26:57Sean Hayes?

  Do you still, do you still, uh, play violin? Do you still play these instruments?

• 27:01Speaker 05

  No, I never play, I never played the violin. That's one of those-

• 27:04Will Arnett?

  So that was not true?

• 27:05Speaker 05

  No, I think I played the violin from like three to three in one month. You know, where my parents were like, well, this is too young.

• 27:13Jason Bateman?

  Wikipedia's very accurate.

• 27:14Sean Hayes?

  Is there an instrument that you excel at or that you stick with?

• 27:17Jason Bateman?

  Keep it clean.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  I don't, I don't excel at any of them, but I, I, I can play a little piano and a little guitar and, you know, I can, I can write like a goofy song that we put on Sonny, but I'm-

• 27:27Will Arnett?

  But was, was that something that your parents, like, encouraged? Like, were you, did you take piano lessons, guitar lessons?

• 27:33Speaker 05

  Yes. I took piano lessons maybe till I was 10, and then I switched to the trombone. I used to have a little sweatshirt, because I was in the school band that said Charlie Trombone. So that like became my nickname for two long-

• 27:44Jason Bateman?

  You know, the problem with the trombone is if you leave it in the rain.

• 27:46Will Arnett?

  It gets rusty. You know that, right? It's true. It's true. If you leave it in the rain.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  Clean it up now.

• 27:54Will Arnett?

  Well, you keep it clean. You get some kind of brass cleaner or something like that.

• 27:58Sean Hayes?

  Charlie, when you, when you write and produce or direct or whatever you do, do you think about music? When you're doing it, or is it an afterthought?

• 28:05Speaker 05

  It's a big part of how I write something. I'll be just listening to, you know, a style of music and I'll have an idea. Yeah, I'll be listening to Depeche Mode and I'll be thinking, I gotta do a movie with Bateman where he, you know, wears eyeshadow and trench coats.

• 28:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, you should see me. I got great goth skills.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:23Will Arnett?

  I do love, I do love Depeche Mode. Wait, Charlie, I know so little about, so it says that you were born in, in New York, in the city.

• 28:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:32Will Arnett?

  True story?

• 28:33Speaker 05

  True story, uh, cause my parents, uh, my parents both met at Columbia where they were both music, getting their doctorates in musicology and then.

• 28:43Will Arnett?

  Wait a second, wait a second. Pump the brakes. So your parents, so you kind of blew, brushed through the whole music thing and your own involvement with music. Your parents have degrees in music from Columbia?

• 28:54Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 05

  Yeah. My parents are very, uh.

• 28:57Jason Bateman?

  Smart.

• 28:57Speaker 05

  Smart, as is my sister. She also has her PhD in musicology. And what happened here was that, you know, I'm an idiot and, and I was like, I gotta get away from this music thing. So, you know, I'm taking trombone lessons and all my buddies are outside playing baseball. And I eventually, you know, walked away from it all and gave it up. But then when I got to like, maybe a senior in high school or college, I picked up the guitar and I was like, oh, this is maybe, could be cool or a way to meet a girl. And then I, I got back into it, but I, I, I didn't want to be, they, they had no money and I didn't want to, I didn't want to be a music.

• 29:36Sean Hayes?

  So you became an actor.

• 29:37Will Arnett?

  So they're at Columbia. They're both taking, they're both in programs, music programs at Columbia. They meet, uh, you're born in the city and then what happens? How long did you live there?

• 29:46Speaker 05

  Not long. And then my dad got a, um, a job at a college in Rhode Island. And my mother's family was from Rhode Island way back, uh, way, way back. And, uh, they went and never left. They're still there.

• 30:00Will Arnett?

  So you grew up in Rhode Island?

• 30:02Speaker 05

  I grew up in Rhode Island, yeah.

• 30:03Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 30:03Jason Bateman?

  Mm-hmm. How did the acting thing hit you? Was it like a high school drama thing?

• 30:08Speaker 05

  That's a good question. I mean, I did plays like, uh, like in third and fourth grade and always enjoyed it. And then I wanted to do the school plays in high school, but I was kind of too nervous to join the group. I thought, ah, I don't, I don't, I don't.

• 30:24Will Arnett?

  But with the musical background, wouldn't you think that you could combine the plays and the music and do what, Sean, what do we call that? The theater that's, but there's got.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  There's a music-based theater out there. I'm not quite sure. I don't think there's a term for it yet, but.

• 30:36Jason Bateman?

  What would be an example of something that you might do on musical theater?

• 30:44Speaker 05

  Guys are gonna have to take that slide whistle away from them. I mean.

• 30:47Jason Bateman?

  So then Charlie, so then you finish high school and you say, um, I'm gonna go to New York City and I'm gonna try to become a professional guitar player? Or actor?

• 30:58Speaker 05

  Yes, I did have that thought. I was like, well, do I?

• 31:00Jason Bateman?

  Which one?

• 31:01Speaker 05

  I didn't know. I was like, maybe I want to write music or maybe I want to do, uh.

• 31:06Jason Bateman?

  But you knew your future wasn't in Rhode Island. It was probably in Manhattan.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, first I went to college, Jason.

• 31:12Jason Bateman?

  Where was that? Wait, hang on. What's college?

• 31:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's, it's a school after, after the studio school.

• 31:17Jason Bateman?

  Voluntary additional school? I don't understand it.

• 31:21Will Arnett?

  Vol.

• 31:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's the part I couldn't compute when I was.

• 31:24Will Arnett?

  What trailer was that in on the water lot?

• 31:26Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, one with a flat tire.

• 31:28Speaker 05

  Here's what happened. I went to the voluntary additional school and they had a theater program, but they also had a baseball team. And I, I didn't make the baseball team and I thought, oh, well, I'll go join the theater club. And then I just got hooked. I was like, I'd like doing the plays and it seems to.

• 31:44Jason Bateman?

  Was this school in New York?

• 31:45Speaker 05

  This school was in northern Massachusetts called Merrimack College and, uh, you could get in if you had a pulse. And, um, they let me in and, uh.

• 31:55Sean Hayes?

  My, my favorite thing in the world is swapping, uh, horrible theater stories. Did I tell you guys about the wheelchair story?

• 32:02Speaker 05

  You got a good one? Let's go.

• 32:04Will Arnett?

  Yeah, let's go.

• 32:04Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so.

• 32:05Jason Bateman?

  Just pull the interview over to the side. Hang on.

• 32:09Sean Hayes?

  No, really quick. This was horrific. I was a sophomore in high school and I was in charge of changing the scenery, right, the battens that would lift the scenery. So in between, we had like, we were doing one act. So in between each act, we had like, you know, 15, 30 seconds to change the big, huge scenery and pull them up. And I was in charge of all those hydraulics. So the stage manager points to me, she's like, "Go." And I didn't realize there was a rope hanging on the side that somehow hooked onto the wheelchair that the guy needed in the next scene.

• 32:38Jason Bateman?

  This is an episode from a cartoon I saw.

• 32:41Sean Hayes?

  No, I swear to God, this happened. And I raised it and the hook pulled the wheelchair up. So the curtain goes up and the wheelchair is just swinging, hanging in midair. And the guy's first line was, you know, something like, "I don't know if I'll ever walk again." But he had to, it was awful.

• 32:57Jason Bateman?

  Oh, golly. Back to Smartless. Hey, Charlie.

• 33:04Jason Bateman?

  So you're up there, so you come down out of the junior college and you come to New York City and you don't just knock on a door and say, "I'm here, I'd like to be an actor." Do you look in the paper for auditions or an agent? Or what was your first step?

• 33:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did all that crap. You know, you get the Village Voice and you're looking through all those things. I had a really lucky break when I was in college. There was a guy there named John Fussman and he was like, one of those guys who was like 35 and in college and...

• 33:39Sean Hayes?

  And just hanging out just outside the school grounds?

• 33:41Speaker 05

  Basically.

• 33:41Sean Hayes?

  Looking through the fence?

• 33:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, and he had tipped me off to a place called the Williamstown Theater Festival.

• 33:46Sean Hayes?

  Sure.

• 33:47Speaker 05

  And I went there to sort of, you know, empty garbage cans and maybe say one line in a play and just intern. And they had like a program where you could audition and be part of a non-equity group. And after my first summer there, I was still in college. The next year I auditioned and I got to be part of that group. And.

• 34:09Jason Bateman?

  A bunch of agents go up there, right?

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. After my third year there, I got an agent, but.

• 34:14Jason Bateman?

  Sean, did you ever do that? I'd love to do Williamstown. Did you ever do that?

• 34:17Sean Hayes?

  I would love to, no, but I would love to. But, you know, Charlie, I was gonna ask you, like, there's. When we were all young, all four of us and other people like us that are actors, there was a definite path to what you wanted, right? You got your headshots and then you had your resume on the back and then you would submit them to agents and then agents would. But now it seems so different. Do you have friends, like, does your sister have friends and be like, hey, Charlie, can you help my friend out? They want to get into the biz and they need advice. I mean, do you ever get people coming to you? And what would that advice be now for kids rather than when we were growing up?

• 34:54Speaker 05

  Weirdly, I don't get too much of that. I don't know if I don't give off a vibe of that I'll help or I'm not sure why, but.

• 35:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 35:01Will Arnett?

  Do you feel, no, but let me rephrase that. Do you feel shitty about yourself that nobody wants acting tips from you?

• 35:10Sean Hayes?

  Or career advice?

• 35:15Will Arnett?

  I had that, Sean, you know, when I was a kid, this is a true story. When I was living in New York and I was my, I didn't know anybody in New York and somehow my mom knew through somebody from like Winnipeg, knew the actor Len Carriou, do you know that guy?

• 35:30Sean Hayes?

  Sure.

• 35:30Will Arnett?

  Len Carriou? And so somehow she's like, you should call him. And I was like, okay. So I called him, poor guy, because now I sort of, 30 years later, I get that flip, which is like, he's like, hey, what, what can I do for you? I'm like, well, I'm just in New York and I'm going to theater school. Like, okay.

• 35:48Sean Hayes?

  I'm ready to be successful.

• 35:49Will Arnett?

  Yeah, and like, I get now that position. I even felt it at the time where he's like, I don't know what you want me to do for you, buddy, but, you know, I've already, I'm worried about my own day to day over here.

• 36:01Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 36:02Will Arnett?

  And so you do get those calls sometimes from friends of friends and they go. Hey, our kid is 18 and he's moving to New York and can you call him and give him, give him some advice? And there's really nothing you can say to anybody.

• 36:14Sean Hayes?

  I actually like it. I actually don't mind it. Yeah, it's all about timing, but yeah, I actually, actually like.

• 36:19Jason Bateman?

  What do you tell people, you know, because getting an agent, like you do have to get into kind of a showcase situation.

• 36:24Will Arnett?

  It's just really tough for everybody.

• 36:26Sean Hayes?

  I think you have to create your own path. You know, gone are the days of relying and waiting on phone calls and agents and all that to do it for you. You have to pick up a camera, you have to write the thing, direct the thing, act the thing, put it on YouTube, all that kind of stuff. And Instagram, that's how, because every Instagram star wants to be an actor and every actor wants to be like have the most followers.

• 36:43Will Arnett?

  Charlie, you guys were kind of like the first people to really do that in a way that has been not just successful, but also had longevity. You guys created your own stuff. That was not the norm before you guys did that.

• 36:58Speaker 05

  No, that's true, yeah. Although, you know, in some ways, doesn't everybody do that? Like somebody.

• 37:04Will Arnett?

  I guess the Lonely Island guys did that too.

• 37:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, like.

• 37:07Jason Bateman?

  Well, but they were already part of an infrastructure there at Saturday Night Live.

• 37:10Will Arnett?

  No, no, no, no, before. Those guys made videos and stuff when they did.

• 37:14Sean Hayes?

  This is Andy Samberg.

• 37:15Will Arnett?

  Andy and Akiva and Jorm did.

• 37:17Jason Bateman?

  Oh, really?

• 37:17Will Arnett?

  Yeah, they made some videos on Lonely Island, then they made a, they made a pilot called Awesome Town that Phil and Chris, Phil Lord and Chris Miller produced. Have you ever seen that? It's really, it's really rad. And, but they did the same thing, which was, but again, that was around the same time that Sonny started. It was back in the.

• 37:36Speaker 05

  I think what was unique about what we did is we did it for television where, you know, like you, there was a lot of that in independent film. If you're the Coen Brothers, you know, you raise money, you do Blood Simple, and then you, you know, you go do Raising Arizona, whatever it is. And we, I guess we just took that model to television and we said, well, we'll, you know, we'll do the first one real cheap and down and dirty and then hopefully someone gives us money to do this more legitimately. But going back to your question before, I often do promote Williamstown, which for me was like a showcase situation, or if you're really serious about acting, go to grad school, which I'd wish I'd done, but. Because that place was was not only boot camp for acting, it was boot camp for you better show up and shine.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  Because in that group, in that non equity group, it was myself and Catherine Hahn and Sterling Brown.

• 38:24Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 38:25Speaker 05

  And I mean, the competition was so fierce. And and Jimmy Simpson and these people were gonna outshine you. And not, they weren't trying to outshine you, but they were gonna do their work and they were gonna be, you know, they were gonna come to rehearsal and not set. And just blow it out of the water. So you had to learn how to. I feel like my first summer there, I did well in some plays and I thought the next year, I thought everyone would be like, well, he's the man. Let's give him everything. And it wasn't that way, you know, it was a rude awakening of like, well, you did that. What are you gonna do now? So that was such a good boot camp in terms of like, do your work, work hard, make sure you make sure you're not wasting anybody's time.

• 39:05Will Arnett?

  It's funny you say that. I remember having one of my acting teachers years ago, he was saying like, look, all the process you do, all the work you do, whatever, when you show up on set, they don't give a shit. You gotta deliver in the moment and that's it. And that was the only sort of piece of advice that I've ever given young people, which is just like, you gotta, you gotta be on top of your shit. You gotta know your shit, like you said, you gotta be ready to deliver in the moment because that's what matters.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a bit exhausting, right? You do like, you, you, you put all this work into this, years go by, you, you develop whatever fame, success, and you kind of think, okay, well, now I can coast, but I, you know, the phone doesn't really ring. Maybe it does for DiCaprio, but for nobody else, like you have to like, you gotta put something together and you have to. And then when you, when you are in it, you can't stink, right? You gotta.

• 39:53Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 05

  You gotta shine.

• 39:55Sean Hayes?

  Um, your son, i- is he too young to know that he wants to do what dad does or?

• 40:00Will Arnett?

  Yeah, where mom does too. Both of you guys are actors.

• 40:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:03Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, Mary Elizabeth has this great part in Paul Thomas Anderson's film right now.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  Oh, she's great in it. And that movie is amazing. That guy.

• 40:09Jason Bateman?

  Paul Thomas Anderson?

• 40:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, talk about a guy.

• 40:11Jason Bateman?

  I think things are gonna work out for him, I think.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  He's gonna make it.

• 40:14Jason Bateman?

  Great debut.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  He has gonna make it.

• 40:16Will Arnett?

  Paul Thomas Anderson is the greatest director of all time. And go and ignite.

• 40:23Jason Bateman?

  How about he's my favorite for sure?

• 40:25Will Arnett?

  I know, me too.

• 40:26Jason Bateman?

  He's the greatest.

• 40:27Speaker 05

  Oh, I, I got to go see a screening of, of that movie at his house, which.

• 40:32Jason Bateman?

  Oh, no way.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  You know, he has these, maybe he doesn't want, but he has like these film projectors. He's got like this barn that he's converted into like a screening room.

• 40:41Sean Hayes?

  And for Tracy, the name of the movie is?

• 40:44Jason Bateman?

  Licorice Pizza.

• 40:44Speaker 05

  Licorice Pizza.

• 40:45Sean Hayes?

  Licorice Pizza.

• 40:46Jason Bateman?

  Which is the name of a record store that was all over the valley when I was growing up.

• 40:51Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 40:51Jason Bateman?

  It's, anyway, so he's got this cool-

• 40:54Will Arnett?

  Oh, that's why you're crying.

• 40:58Will Arnett?

  So, so, and, and your wife, Emmy, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, whom I know, she and I did a pilot together years ago, as you know.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Yes, yes.

• 41:06Will Arnett?

  Um, and she's a tremendously talented actor, and she's in Paul Thomas Anderson's movie, Licorice Pizza. So you went to a screening at his-

• 41:14Speaker 05

  At his house.

• 41:15Will Arnett?

  Screening barn.

• 41:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, just to kinda-

• 41:17Jason Bateman?

  Maya Rudolph is his wife.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  And then to get to hang out with Maya Rudolph. So that was a-

• 41:21Will Arnett?

  Who's our pal, yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  I just didn't want to blow it for my wife. I'm like, just keep cool, man, and don't, don't, don't get drunk and don't act dumb.

• 41:28Jason Bateman?

  Did you stand up with a bunch of notes at the end of it?

• 41:30Speaker 05

  I had a couple of notes, but he wasn't listening, you know? That's the problem with these artists.

• 41:34Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we were, we were locked.

• 41:36Speaker 05

  Pop Charlie Day in for a couple scenes. That's really gonna make this movie pop.

• 41:40Sean Hayes?

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• 42:48Sean Hayes?

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• 43:27Sean Hayes?

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• 44:10Jason Bateman?

  All right, back to the show.

• 44:12Sean Hayes?

  Now, listen, Charlie, for your new podcast, which I think is becoming really popular, isn't it?

• 44:17Jason Bateman?

  Yes, it is.

• 44:17Sean Hayes?

  Do you guys have guests on? Or is it just you three chatting?

• 44:21Speaker 05

  Right now, it's just us chatting. I mean, that kind of caught us off guard, you know? This was my gripe with McElhenney. About two years ago, I was like, "We should do a sunny podcast. We should just talk about the show. The fans will probably want to hear that." And he's like, "Ah, everybody's doing podcasts, you know, like, you know, we're too late." Then this year, he shows up. He goes, "You know what we should do? A sunny podcast."

• 44:42Jason Bateman?

  Oh, boy.

• 44:42Speaker 05

  I'm like, "This motherf-"

• 44:43Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I know, this guy.

• 44:45Speaker 05

  But here's the difference. And here's why I've benefited so greatly from a partnership with Rob. When I said it, it was just gobbledygook talk. And when he said it, he already had the mics and the producer lines. And ready to go.

• 44:58Will Arnett?

  He's an action, he's an action.

• 44:59Speaker 05

  He's an action guy. So it's been good for me to unite with an action guy.

• 45:04Sean Hayes?

  Being on that side of it, do you, and we all know this as actors, promoting and, and, and marketing and all that stuff, having to do talk shows and whatever, podcasts or whatever, the thing is, do you have a preference of being a guest or a host?

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Well, I guess we're not really hosting anyone. So I don't know, I don't know.

• 45:22Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I mean, you're kind of hosting a podcast, but yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 05

  We're really just kind of shooting the shit.

• 45:27Sean Hayes?

  Okay.

• 45:27Speaker 05

  People seem to want to listen to it.

• 45:29Will Arnett?

  But you're, I, I think that one of the things, we're all talking about the same thing. We obviously have, there are a lot of similarities, which is you talk about, we create our own weather, we do our own thing, and we do a lot of different things. You've got a, you're doing a podcast, you do your show, you've got this new movie on Amazon, uh, which was, that was a sexy segue.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  That was a good segue. Yeah. I did a rom com finally.

• 45:52Will Arnett?

  So you did a rom com, yeah.

• 45:53Speaker 05

  Saw me as Rom.

• 45:54Will Arnett?

  So, so talk a little bit about, because I want to get into, you do do a lot of different stuff and you've got a lot of different gears, uh, which is commendable and you're, you know, you're a talented guy. So you go and you do a rom com. What was the, were you just like, yeah, fuck it. I could do a rom com.

• 46:11Speaker 05

  I was always dying to do a rom com because I actually really enjoy them. Um, and I sort of wanted to have my, uh, you know, Tom Hanks moment or Billy Crystal or whatever. And, um.

• 46:21Sean Hayes?

  Was there a sex scene?

• 46:22Speaker 05

  No, there's, there's, you know.

• 46:24Sean Hayes?

  Is there a kiss?

• 46:25Will Arnett?

  Hey, cool it.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  Hey, take it easy, man.

• 46:27Will Arnett?

  What are you imagining? Jason, what are you imagining? Talk to what you're imagining.

• 46:30Sean Hayes?

  Well, because some people can go their whole careers or a large portion of it without ever doing a sex scene. And then all of a sudden the day shows up and it's like, oh my God, I've been in this business 30 years and I've never had to like fake lovemaking. Uh, did you have to do that?

• 46:45Speaker 05

  Uh, no, that's a good question. No, I've.

• 46:47Sean Hayes?

  Have you ever had?

• 46:48Jason Bateman?

  To do that.

• 46:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I have a, I have a very graphic one on It's Always Sunny where we, we did a ski episode and we were making sort of fun of like eighties ski movies and over the top sex scenes. So, you know.

• 47:00Jason Bateman?

  How'd that go?

• 47:01Will Arnett?

  Yeah, how'd it go?

• 47:02Speaker 05

  It was fine, you know?

• 47:03Jason Bateman?

  You don't have to, you don't have to ask him in a whisper, Will.

• 47:05Will Arnett?

  But I'm just saying, walk us through it.

• 47:07Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, talk slow.

• 47:08Speaker 05

  I mean, you know, I, it's always the case of me with the sex scenes, I'm always, I always feel bad for the other person. You know, I'm like, hey, look, I'm sorry. It's, it's just me and this, you know, I'm pasty and.

• 47:20Will Arnett?

  Sean, you had to do one?

• 47:21Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, there's this cult show, which is fantastic, called Campus Ladies with Carrie Asley and Kristen Sussin and Will Forte was on it and a bunch of funny people were on it. And Jonah Hill, that was Jonah Hill's first show. And, um, and I played somebody who wasn't the brightest, who always wore a backpack.

• 47:39Will Arnett?

  How'd you get into that character?

• 47:41Sean Hayes?

  Well, so I just put a backpack on and then I had to wear no clothes except the backpack and have sex with, and literally have intercourse with Kristen Sussin.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 47:50Will Arnett?

  Oh, okay.

• 47:51Speaker 05

  How did that go?

• 47:52Will Arnett?

  Jason?

• 47:52Speaker 05

  Fine.

• 47:53Will Arnett?

  Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Sean, finish on.

• 47:54Sean Hayes?

  That was it.

• 47:55Will Arnett?

  That was it? And Jason, what about your sex stuff?

• 47:57Jason Bateman?

  I've got a loose connection. Can you guys hear me okay?

• 48:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:00Will Arnett?

  Is that what you said? In the sex scene?

• 48:04Will Arnett?

  I don't, I'm not.

• 48:04Jason Bateman?

  My wire keeps coming out.

• 48:08Sean Hayes?

  And can you hear me?

• 48:09Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 48:10Will Arnett?

  And is it in? I guess that's the big.

• 48:14Jason Bateman?

  Hey, Charlie.

• 48:15Will Arnett?

  Wait, you didn't answer, Jason, if you've done a sex scene?

• 48:18Jason Bateman?

  I have, and I don't like them.

• 48:20Speaker 05

  They're not good.

• 48:21Jason Bateman?

  It's, it's, it's just, you know, all the, all the cliches are true, you know, you have a, is a very, there's a very difficult line one has to ride, which is, you know, if you're into it and you're being passionate convincingly, things, things start to move, guys. And, um, and if they don't move, what, there's that classic saying that one of the actors said, uh, I apologize if I get aroused and I apologize if I don't get aroused. There's something like that. It's like, it's a, it's, it's a, it's a concern. It's a concern.

• 48:56Speaker 05

  Well, Ben, we did this movie called Horrible Bosses. Um, it was a massive global hit, Will, and, um.

• 49:02Jason Bateman?

  Oh, you had a little sex scene with Anniston, right?

• 49:04Speaker 05

  That was the first thing.

• 49:05Jason Bateman?

  She like mounted you.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was the first thing we shot.

• 49:07Jason Bateman?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:08Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 49:08Speaker 05

  And that was basically my second time meeting her. I met her at the, uh, at the read through. It was like, okay, well now take all your clothes off and we'll take these provocative photos, but. I only found it humiliating, you know, because I was like, oh, man, I should like go to the gym or like. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm really pasty and doughy over here and, you know, you're probably not used to an image like this in your sexual scenarios.

• 49:34Will Arnett?

  I had to do a scene in Brother Solomon with Forte where he comes to, where we make up at the end of the movie and I'm in the shower and I come out. So I've just got the little sock on and then nothing else. And then I gotta turn and he and I have to hug while I'm basically.

• 49:49Jason Bateman?

  No, let's, for Tracy, let's explain what the sock is. Go ahead, Will.

• 49:53Will Arnett?

  It's, it's basically that. Like it's a sock that you put over, it's a thing you put over your junk. All your meats and cheeses get covered.

• 49:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, it's like, it's a little coin purse that's got a couple of pieces of fishing wire on both sides that go around you in a, as a thong. Okay, but it's a nude, it's a nude colored and it's made out of like pantyhose and, and with fishing string on it. So you can imagine it's just, it's not, it's not comfortable.

• 50:20Will Arnett?

  It's not flattering.

• 50:21Jason Bateman?

  It's not a good looking thing and it's, it's difficult at times to fill out. Will?

• 50:25Will Arnett?

  And it's, well, that was not an issue. It was more of an issue that like, it was kind of the, like you said, like, I'm, I'm sorry if I get it aroused and I'm sorry if I don't. And I just thought, boy, this could go either way with Forte. I have no idea.

• 50:39Jason Bateman?

  Which way did it go?

• 50:40Will Arnett?

  I, I don't wanna, I don't wanna say, but I just, I love the guy.

• 50:43Jason Bateman?

  We all have to watch a movie?

• 50:44Will Arnett?

  Let me just say this. I love the guy and you can tell.

• 50:46Jason Bateman?

  Well, you've said plenty.

• 50:50Will Arnett?

  So Charlie, when, so talk, so you're doing this romantic comedy. You've, you decide you wanna do it. What is the movie?

• 50:57Speaker 05

  Well, the movie's called I Want You Back and it's with Jenny Slate and myself.

• 51:01Jason Bateman?

  Mega talent.

• 51:02Speaker 05

  She's pretty good. She's pretty good. Our, our producing buddy, John Ricard, produced this movie.

• 51:08Jason Bateman?

  Another mega talent.

• 51:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, and we've worked together on Horrible Bosses and Fist Fight. And I was talking to John, I was saying, you know, we should find something to do. And he says, he said, I got these two scripts and you should look at them. And he said, but one's a rom com, so you probably don't wanna do that. I said, why would I not wanna do that? Send me the rom com.

• 51:25Jason Bateman?

  Nasty, nasty thing to say.

• 51:27Speaker 05

  Nasty thing to say. And I loved it. We put it together. It's a really sweet and funny movie. By the way, I did have to take my shirt off in it. And I had this sort of conundrum where the character doesn't work out, and then he starts working out in the story. And I thought, well, which body do I go with? Do I go with the guy who looks like he's not been working out, or the guy that looks like he has been working out? And I went with the guy who has not been working out. Yeah, it was.

• 51:54Jason Bateman?

  Did you look at the shooting schedule to sort of plan out what kind of shape you'd be in? Because I do that. I mean, for Tracy, these projects, they take at least six weeks to shoot, sometimes 12 or more. And if you know you got a topless scene on, as Will likes to call it, you know, you want to make sure that you're not having a whole lot of soy sauce a few days out, you know?

• 52:15Speaker 05

  No, I let that go. I was like, no, that's not, that's not what the audience wants from me. They don't, they don't want me to pop that shirt off and have rippling abs. They don't want, they'll be disturbed if they see it.

• 52:25Jason Bateman?

  There's nothing funny about a six pack.

• 52:27Speaker 05

  There's nothing funny about it. And this is a comedy.

• 52:30Will Arnett?

  So Charlie, any, any recent vacays, as we call it in the biz, any vacays with the fam?

• 52:38Speaker 05

  I went to Hawaii.

• 52:39Will Arnett?

  I knew that. I knew that.

• 52:41Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah. You sent us a shot of that beautiful.

• 52:43Will Arnett?

  You sent that pic in our little chain.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, I did. I did. That's right.

• 52:47Jason Bateman?

  So you went to Hawaii. Did you go by yourself, or did you bring your wife and child?

• 52:50Speaker 05

  No, of course, I brought my wife and child. And, and I played a bunch of golf, and we hung out and relaxed and went to the beach. And, and I reset. It was good. I was coming right off a bunch of things. And it was nice to take a break.

• 53:02Jason Bateman?

  Charlie, 2022, what are you most excited about?

• 53:07Speaker 05

  Oh, man. I don't know. I'm, I'm always pretty just excited to be doing this. I mean, I don't know. I'm still grateful to be doing it. Yeah. I've been polishing up a movie for a good four years that I directed that Bateman was kind enough to be in.

• 53:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. When do we get to see that, Charlie?

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Any minute. I'm right around the corner. But I was going to sell it. I was in the process of selling it to a studio and. I was having some conversations with a very talented man, Mr. Guillermo del Toro. And I had a change of heart and I took the movie and I reshoot about 20% of it.

• 53:44Jason Bateman?

  Am I still in it?

• 53:45Speaker 05

  You're still in it. You made the cut. Um, that's been a maddening, long experience, but I'm really happy with the movie. So hopefully I'll get it out to the world this year. I'm excited about that. I'm excited about this rom-com. I'm excited about maybe getting some golf in with the boys here, you know?

• 54:00Sean Hayes?

  That's good.

• 54:00Jason Bateman?

  And Horrible Bosses 3, I think we can announce.

• 54:03Speaker 05

  Well, now, why didn't we do it, you know?

• 54:05Jason Bateman?

  Well, because, um...

• 54:06Speaker 05

  No one wanted it?

• 54:07Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, because Horrible Bosses 2, uh, just basically, uh, you know, cratered.

• 54:13Will Arnett?

  Did it, did it shit the bed?

• 54:14Speaker 05

  By today's standards, it's a huge hit.

• 54:16Jason Bateman?

  Oh, that's true. Yeah. It didn't do as well as the first...

• 54:18Will Arnett?

  Oh, you mean by pandemic standards?

• 54:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's right.

• 54:22Will Arnett?

  By the standards of, by the standards of everybody staying home and not going into theaters, it did.

• 54:26Sean Hayes?

  Well, I would like the third one because I really, really like to collect those sets.

• 54:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Things do happen in three. Maybe we just make it for a price, you know? But it did turn out people just didn't give a shit about, about a second one. So they're really not gonna want a third.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  It's not really a story that needed a sequel.

• 54:42Will Arnett?

  Hear me out. Sean, you, Horrible Bosses 3, but there are two new, Sean, right? Two new guys who, look, they're kind of...

• 54:50Sean Hayes?

  They just go, "Ah."

• 54:51Will Arnett?

  They're happening, "Ah."

• 54:53Sean Hayes?

  "My boss is terrible."

• 54:54Will Arnett?

  "My boss is bad too."

• 54:56Speaker 05

  Are you a boss or you're, you're an employee?

• 54:58Will Arnett?

  I, exactly.

• 54:59Sean Hayes?

  But I, the catchphrase is, "My boss is bad three."

• 55:02Will Arnett?

  Yeah, same here, you know?

• 55:05Jason Bateman?

  I get it, Sean. I get it.

• 55:07Will Arnett?

  So Charlie, listen, you're just, you're such a talent.

• 55:11Jason Bateman?

  You're divine.

• 55:12Will Arnett?

  You're such a good guy.

• 55:13Jason Bateman?

  You're such a good guy.

• 55:13Will Arnett?

  You're a theater, you're a theater major, you're a musician golfer.

• 55:17Jason Bateman?

  Great marriage, charming little kid.

• 55:20Will Arnett?

  Your new movie, I Want You Back, uh, your rom-com is out.

• 55:23Jason Bateman?

  I can't wait to see it.

• 55:24Will Arnett?

  And it's on Amazon now.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  It's really good. I, I actually love this movie a lot.

• 55:29Jason Bateman?

  Charlie, I love you.

• 55:30Sean Hayes?

  Charlie, thank you for being here.

• 55:32Jason Bateman?

  Um, we see you, uh, on the golf course probably in the next few days.

• 55:35Speaker 05

  Well, you're teeing off in about, what, 10 minutes?

• 55:37Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, this is already six minutes into my heart out. Yeah.

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 55:41Sean Hayes?

  He's got a heart out.

• 55:42Will Arnett?

  That's, that shows how much... He loves you. He never does this if he's got a heart out for golf.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  I appreciate, I appreciate the six minutes over.

• 55:48Will Arnett?

  And you know how persnickety Jason is about everything.

• 55:52Jason Bateman?

  My range time. I need my range time.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, we can come back. I can come back. We'll finish this off.

• 55:58Will Arnett?

  Next time you're on the podcast, we'll talk about the time when we were coming down 18 and the guy hadn't charged Jason's Tesla.

• 56:06Jason Bateman?

  And I had a two hour drive ahead of me. It didn't end well.

• 56:09Speaker 05

  You made him give him his, uh.

• 56:11Jason Bateman?

  My 20 back.

• 56:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, 20 back. Yeah.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  I gave him 20 just because I felt bad. He got yelled at so much.

• 56:18Will Arnett?

  Jason, you don't know this, but Charlie and I both tipped the guy after you took the tip back.

• 56:22Jason Bateman?

  Are you kidding me?

• 56:23Will Arnett?

  No.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:24Will Arnett?

  Well, we felt bad. Well, we didn't want them to write a story like fucking Jason.

• 56:27Jason Bateman?

  He fucked me.

• 56:29Speaker 05

  You were his hero.

• 56:31Jason Bateman?

  He fucked me good. At least 20. I should have taken more out of his pocket. Son of a bitch.

• 56:35Will Arnett?

  I will say to your credit, you did preemptively tip the guy and say, hey, do you mind taking care of this? He said, great. And then he didn't do it.

• 56:42Jason Bateman?

  Right. So it's like, well, I'm going to pay you for the valet parking, but the extra juice for doing me a solid, which you didn't do.

• 56:50Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 56:50Jason Bateman?

  That then means that you no longer need the money for that.

• 56:54Speaker 05

  Let me ask you this. If you had shot like even par that day, like your best round ever, do you think you wouldn't have cared? Do you think you would have been?

• 57:01Jason Bateman?

  I would have given him a ride wherever he wanted to go and all the money in my pocket.

• 57:05Will Arnett?

  And that is Jason Bateman. Guys, we'll be right back with an all new episode of Smartless. He loves his golf. He loves his golf.

• 57:14Jason Bateman?

  Charlie, enjoy the rest of your day.

• 57:17Speaker 05

  Great to see your faces, fellas. Sean, let's hang out some time. I don't want.

• 57:20Sean Hayes?

  I'm right here just for you.

• 57:21Jason Bateman?

  Not worth it, Charlie.

• 57:22Speaker 05

  No?

• 57:23Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  It's gotta be better. Bring the slide whistle.

• 57:25Will Arnett?

  Next two weeks, Texas, let's get out.

• 57:27Speaker 05

  Okay. Um, I'm busy, but you know, we'll see.

• 57:30Will Arnett?

  Yeah. All right. All right. All right.

• 57:32Jason Bateman?

  He's about to slam a wrap top. He's gonna do the, he's gonna do the good out.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  Well, you know why? Cause, cause yeah, I'll tell you why I wasn't gonna do it. Cause Sean Penn did it. And then I remember I was listening to that. I was like, wow, Sean Penn did it. That's how I'm.

• 57:43Jason Bateman?

  That's the way.

• 57:43Speaker 05

  I think I've done it every, ever since then. I was like, well, Sean Penn just slams it down.

• 57:47Jason Bateman?

  Slam it down.

• 57:48Sean Hayes?

  That's how you do it.

• 57:48Speaker 05

  So I'm gonna slam it down. Bye.

• 57:50Sean Hayes?

  Bye. Oh, look, he really did.

• 57:52Will Arnett?

  That Charlie Day is, he's a. Always a breath of fresh air, isn't it? Every time you see him, you feel better.

• 57:58Sean Hayes?

  Very pleasant.

• 57:59Jason Bateman?

  He's like, we could change his middle name to Sonny, right? So just Charlie Sunny Day.

• 58:03Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 58:04Jason Bateman?

  Always a sunny day.

• 58:05Sean Hayes?

  And Charlie.

• 58:06Will Arnett?

  So Sean, you don't know Charlie? You've never met him personally?

• 58:09Sean Hayes?

  I never met him. I did that one voiceover Monsters University with him. But of course, you know, as you know, when you do animated films, you don't really see the other actor because you're doing it alone.

• 58:18Will Arnett?

  What?

• 58:19Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. So I never really met him before. But I'm a huge fan. And I don't know if you've seen Monsters University, but he steals the movie.

• 58:28Will Arnett?

  He's hilarious. Yeah, of course. First of all, if you've got, if you're a fan of comedy or you're a fan of animation or you've got kids, you've seen Monsters University. It's a great movie and he is great in it. And you are, eh, but he is, eh, but, um, no, it's a great movie. And he is such a, I met him, the first time was through his wife, through Emmy, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who's such a talent and so cool. And he's a super nice guy, super real. He joked about being down to earth. He legitimately is. And then you go and then he's incredibly talented.

• 59:02Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I love him.

• 59:03Will Arnett?

  And prolific writer and just everything. And he's so funny. He's so naturally funny.

• 59:09Sean Hayes?

  You guys got that, you guys both have very unique voices.

• 59:13Will Arnett?

  Yes, yeah, yeah. He's got a very unique voice. I don't know if I would consider myself to, but he, he does.

• 59:20Sean Hayes?

  Wait, um, nobody ever bites, nobody ever bites my, for my theater stories. Cause I.

• 59:27Jason Bateman?

  Huh, number one. Why don't we save it for a podcast no one wants to listen to?

• 59:31Sean Hayes?

  Okay.

• 59:32Will Arnett?

  What's funny is that you don't take from that, like, maybe I should stop asking.

• 59:35Sean Hayes?

  I'm telling you.

• 59:37Will Arnett?

  Your takeaway is nobody bites on it.

• 59:39Sean Hayes?

  No, I'm telling you, somebody's gonna come with a really funny theater story. I think they're always so funny.

• 59:43Will Arnett?

  I like that usually your question about funny theater stories ends up with you telling a funny theater story.

• 59:50Sean Hayes?

  I know. It's just, it's a self setup.

• 59:52Will Arnett?

  Jason, you missed Sean the other day. Robert and I kept pimping him out to tell funny stories for everybody at dinner.

• 59:59Sean Hayes?

  Funny theater stories.

• 59:59Will Arnett?

  So he kept, so he, funny theater story. And he kept getting up and telling these hilarious, they were legitimately hilarious. And he got so worked up, he had to go to the hospital.

• 1:00:07Sean Hayes?

  I did.

• 1:00:09Will Arnett?

  That's a true story.

• 1:00:10Sean Hayes?

  It's a true story.

• 1:00:11Will Arnett?

  So all of a sudden Jen comes, she goes, Sean just went to the hospital. I'm like, what?

• 1:00:14Sean Hayes?

  You know, next time I bring up a theater story, maybe someone will bite, bite.

• 1:00:20Jason Bateman?

  Bite? Oh, bite. Yes, got it. Got it. Yep, not that works. That qualifies. Love you guys. Bye. Love you, babe.

• 1:00:38Will Arnett?

  Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarf, Bennett Barbaco, and Michael Grant Terry.