Men vs. Women in Breakups feat. Ricky Liorti

We're joined by author and influencer Ricky Liorti, and it's been a long time coming (we share the story of how roasting him in 2022 led to this interview). We talk about his dating life, what he's looking for and why he's not willing to settle for less, and we give our analysis. We're discussing the importance of being with someone who shares your interests, how living your best single life will help you find your perfect person, how heartbreak led him to writing his book, and the way men and women process breakups differently. Before Ricky joins us, Ashley shares her flu experience, and Rayna has made a big (and fun) change in her dating life. Enjoy! Follow Ricky on Instagram @yourpalrick and TikTok @yourpalrick, listen to The Pal's Podcast, and read his poetry journal Heartbreak Love. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Tonal: Get $200 off your purchase at https://tonal.com with code GGE. Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order at https://quince.com/GGE. ZBiotics: Get 15% off at https://zbiotics.com/gge with code GGE. Fay Nutrition: See a registered dietitian for as little as $0 a month at https://faynutrition.com/GGE. Cymbiotika: Get 20% and free shipping at https://cymbiotika.com/girlsgottaeat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  If more men supported their friends like women supported themselves, you know, maybe we'd have less broken men and broken men just hurt women.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi guys.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Hi guys.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh my god. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Welcome back. I'm back from the dead, barely.

• 0:36Rayna Greenberg?

  You're really doing it. You've been sick for, oh my god, the longest I've ever known about.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  No, this flu tried to kill me. I... It's so, it's been so awful.

• 0:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Every day when I ask you how you are, I assume you're gonna tell me a little bit better and every day it just ramped up.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, every fucking day it ramped up for like seven days. Like every day you're like, tomorrow it's gotta be better. And then your body's like, tomorrow you'll probably wanna go to the ER.

• 1:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you remember at the beginning of this? I've seen you like one time in like two weeks.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you remember at the beginning of this? Cause Sparkle was also sick and you were like, we're gonna sleep in different bedrooms for the night. Like that's how you thought you'd fix this?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  So, yes, so my fucking roommate got me sick.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  This is what I get for deciding to live with a man.

• 1:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. Okay, so you said this thing to me and you said something like, I don't know what to do about this. And I was like, she's upset and so I can't make jokes about like, this is what happens when you let a man into your house. Like, ask him to move out. Cause you were like, I don't know what to do. And I was like, I typed out, ask him to leave and move out.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  No, no good deed goes unpunished. He got sick on a Sunday and I took care of him. He was just like so fucked up. And then like I got it two days later. So I had like two days of like taking care of him and I'm happy to do it. And I was just like, no, no, no, don't let it happen to me, you know? And Tuesday, we were recording it, like started to settle in. I feel like it's like this dark monster, like you're looking behind your shoulder, like, don't do it, don't get me, don't get me. I'm taking all my symbiotica, I'm doing all my shit. And then it got me and it lasted. Like full seven days. Like, I'm still not really out of it. And, I mean, we just, like, took care of each other. I could get emotional talking about it.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  He's so wonderful. Like, he took care of me. Like, I had a day where I could not get out of bed. I couldn't open my eyes. My head hurt so bad. He had a day, he had 103 fever. Like, we just were kind of going back and forth between who would feel a little bit better to, like, take care of the other one, who would walk a little more, who would, like, cook or order food. I mean, it was, we were in it.

• 2:50Rayna Greenberg?

  He can stay.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, he's, and I knew he would. He's taken care of me before when I had some, like, a health issue and, you know, even when I was like, had that random thing in Tampa and I puked at Drake. Like, I know he is like that. He's so caring, he's so loving, he's like, so kind and nurturing. And, you know, I'm in that mode for him as well. But, like, we were, we felt like the world was ending.

• 3:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I really, well, you were still working. I was like, can this bitch take a day off? I just, she's sick and I would like to just, I'd like to also be off. And you were like, let's get back to these emails. Let's, for this thing. And I was like, we're different. Because when I'm sick, I am in the bed asleep and you're still working a little bit.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  But that's the craziest thing about the flu, you guys, hot take. Like, it gets worse every day. Like, your days three and four are, should be your worst. Mine were like, five and six were even worse somehow. So, like, those first couple of days, I was still, I was fucked up, but I was, like, still working. And then, it was like, through the weekend, I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I'm in the depths of hell. Like, I have never, I've never been this sick. I, I mean, not COVID, not when I was a kid. I mean, I haven't had the flu flu in like, 10 years, 12, 12 years, maybe 15 years. This is like, the real, real deal. Fucking influenza B.

• 4:03Rayna Greenberg?

  B for baddie. B flu.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  B for bad bitch. No, B for bury me alive. Because that would have been better.

• 4:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, they're saying this is the worst flu season in 15 years. And I have never had the flu and I've never gotten the flu vaccine. And shout out to my sister-in-law. The best thing she's ever done for me, well, she gave it to my nephew, but like, other than that, she forced me, when I was meeting him to get,

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Oh, to get the flu shot.

• 4:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I got the triple vaccine. I got COVID, whooping cough, and the flu recently. She made me get all three of them. Part of me was like, maybe I'll just lie and not get it. But then I was like, I could never do that.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Oh, that's why you're so cool being around me.

• 4:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  You're like, I'm all set.

• 4:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I just got the flu vaccine.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  I'm vaccinated. Yeah. I have a few tips. That is, is one of them. Listen.

• 4:45Rayna Greenberg?

  The flu vaccine.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  I've never been a flu shot girly, but I am now. You get tested for the flu. Now, I didn't know this. Like, it's a, it's like a combo test. It tested, picked me up some. It has COVID, flu A, flu B.

• 4:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you could just get the whole thing.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Hep C. No, I'm getting up.

• 5:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Herpes A.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Chlamydia D. And so I took it and I was like, kind of too far gone at that point to get Tamiflu. So I recommend if you feel like you're starting to get it, take that test and then you can do telehealth. I did teledoc and get them to give you this Tamiflu.

• 5:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  People know about Tamiflu, but you're only really supposed to take it within the first 48 hours. That's the only way it really works. It kind of helps stop things from multiplying and it can lessen your symptoms and the length of time you're sick. It was like too late for me. They called it in for me anyway, but they were like, don't even worry about taking it. I got a cough prescription medicine, but she was like, you can take it if you want, but it's really only that early onset. So like in retrospect, I wish I would have taken it. And not have moved in with my fiance, but you know, here we are. No, I am so grateful for him. When you're sick like that, like the only person prior to being with him, I would have wanted to be around was my mom. I mean, you're so helpless. Like, there was just times where it was like, I can't get out of bed.

• 5:59Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  You know, and like for him too. I mean, that day he had 103 fever. I made him take his temperature every hour till it went down. I was like, we're going to have to go to the fucking hospital.

• 6:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want to be taken care of at all, but like my mom didn't really take care of me like that growing up. It would be like unfamiliar to me to have like a partner take care of me because I'm just like, I don't want it to get away from me.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  You wouldn't like settle into that helplessness because I'll get in it.

• 6:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I mean, you know, all the times I get surgery, I don't want anybody near me.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I can barely walk and I'm like, I'm all sad. I don't want anybody here, but mostly it's because I'm like so miserable and I don't want anybody like around me. Also like, I haven't lived with like a partner a long time. So who knows what Raina at this age is even like with a partner.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. The, the dog is tough because you gotta take the dog out.

• 6:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that would be really, I'd just let it free.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  We actually just got rid of him. We.

• 6:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Just open the door and hope he comes back.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Somewhere in Santa Monica. You guys see him? Bring him back next week. I'll be better to take care of him.

• 6:51Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't know where he is. That's why he's not here today. No, it's raining. That's why.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  I know. No. We watch so much TV, so I will be reporting on the snack this Thursday. So everything. I've finished Netflix.

• 7:03Rayna Greenberg?

  So much stuff happened this week. I'm so excited. I went into a snack last week and like Meghan Markle.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  It's Meghan Sussex now. It's so funny you call me Meghan Marple because you know I'm Sussex now. Right? Oh, oh, Meg, you're so crazy. You know, I'm Sussex now. I cannot get out of my head.

• 7:21Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, we'll talk to you on Thursday. But okay, let's thank our partners. Thanks to Zbiotics, get 15% off at zbiotics.com/gge with code GGE. And Faye Nutrition, see a registered dietitian for as little as $0 a month at faynutrition.com/gge. And finally, Quince, get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince.com/gge.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Yes, and thank you to Symbiotica. Get 20% off and free shipping at symbiotica.com/girlsgoteate. And Tonal, get $200 off your purchase at tonal.com with code GGE.

• 7:56Rayna Greenberg?

  So we have something exciting for you guys. Ashley and I, if you're new here, own a sexual wellness brand, Vibes Only. It's a line of incredible sex toys. They're all Bluetooth connected to our amazing app. And in the app is not only a remote control, but tons of erotic audio you guys can listen to. So we have a giveaway for you. We are giving away for three lucky winners. Starting today, the giveaway lasts one week. We'll announce the winners next week. But we are giving three lucky winners our juiced up water-based lube. Used it last night. Can't say enough good stuff about it.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  I haven't even heard you guys.

• 8:26Rayna Greenberg?

  And our Poppy Palm Vibe Vibrator. We are really proud of this one. It is a solo vibrator or for partner play. Fits in the palm of your hand. There's a nice finger grip handle. If you guys are watching on YouTube, you can see it. Nice squishy texture. It's one of my favorites.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  It's so good. There's nothing like it.

• 8:41Rayna Greenberg?

  So three people, we are giving away that package. All you have to do is go on Google or the App Store. Review the app. That's all we need you to do. Just let us know your honest review. Oh, Meghan, nice.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Honest, leave us a nice review.

• 8:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Nice. Review, screenshot that and just email it to [email protected]. We're going to enter you to win. Three winners, that's a huge amount of chances. Three, it's a value of $100, over $100.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:04Rayna Greenberg?

  We'll pick the winner next Monday. So lots of opportunities to get in there. And then if you forget this email address, go to Vibes Only on Instagram and it's all there.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  The instructions too. If you missed any of that, will be on our Instagram at Vibes Only, like Raina said. You think I should do a story for the app now with this voice? If someone is a flu kink?

• 9:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, like a sick, a helpless.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Like when you're starting to come, you just start coughing.

• 9:26Rayna Greenberg?

  The phlegmy cough, you gotta get that, don't spit for awhile.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  I have not had sex in so long.

• 9:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I was wondering if you guys were fucking.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  I have not ridden my fiance or the peloton in so long. I miss them both so much.

• 9:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually thought about asking you if you guys have been having sex and then I was like, now's not the time, Raina.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no chance. Like, I really don't have my full energy back by any stretch. Like, he's pretty much full recovery and I'm like, fuck you. You just left me, you've left me here, you're back at work. I don't know, like, I feel like fatigued.

• 10:03Rayna Greenberg?

  You can't even lay there and take it?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Like, I can't, I feel like I would start coughing in his face.

• 10:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I showed a lot of restraint not asking you. I was like, I'll respect their privacy at this time.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:12Rayna Greenberg?

  They've been going through it. I'm not gonna be like, also, are you having sex? You guys don't seem like you're fucking, are you?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  No, not even close.

• 10:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so speaking of fucking, I have like a bunch of stuff to tell you.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Tess is already laughing. So, I had promised myself that I was gonna like go on dating apps and I was like, I'll just complain about being single. So I downloaded a dating app, I just wasn't like having the best time on it. I just, the conversations are a little polite. And one of our girlfriends, this is not an ad, that one of our girlfriends has been using Field. And we had the founder of Field on our show previously and she is wonderful and it's, it started off as an app essentially to express your, your kinks, your desires, alternative relationships, like ethical non-monogamy, if you're looking for a third, things like that. But our friend has been using it and she's like, I'm just meeting great people. She's like, I'm just having like fun, light conversations with people. And so I was like, alright, let me check this out. So I made a profile. You can use a fake name, a lot of people use fake names.

• 11:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I used my fake name that I use for Uber. I chose three photos and I was like, this is like so much less serious. People aren't here to like be sexy. So I did my, my lead photos, me and Chaps at our Denver show.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 11:18Rayna Greenberg?

  So just like some sexy photos. And then I was like, let me just.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  No one's trying to be wholesome on Field?

• 11:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I was also reading people's profiles and so.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Maybe they are, so I don't, I don't know.

• 11:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  No offense.

• 11:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Some are. Some profiles are like.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 11:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Our friend said that some guy messaged her and was like, I'm gonna break every chair in the world, so you have to sit on my face. And I was like, okay, so there are like, some of this is very heavily sexual.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Say the wholesome thing, I say it as a compliment. Like I just, it's like less of that politeness. Like you said.

• 11:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, like these people aren't vanilla. They just aren't, or they wouldn't be on this app.

• 11:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  And they don't have to be top level kink, non-monogamy, all of that. But at least they're a little spicier than the people on the other ones.

• 11:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's interesting. I've seen all the same people on both apps.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 11:57Rayna Greenberg?

  And I'm really enjoying seeing their profiles on.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Oh, like comparing?

• 12:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Beal, because they're just like lighter and you don't list your height, you don't list your occupation. And I wrote a short profile. My profile's really, it's five sentences. It's just like, I'm on here.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Let's fuck.

• 12:10Rayna Greenberg?

  No, mine says like, I'm looking for a life partner. Mine says, I'm looking for a partner, but I'm happy to have fun. See where things take guys. I said something like, you know, I'm not looking to be a third in your couple, but whatever. I looked at life. So I just started like messaging guys. I'm on here for five minutes. Actually, I downloaded this app 36 hours ago.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I have 1,233 likes.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 12:32Rayna Greenberg?

  109 messages. 36 hours.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Should I get on this?

• 12:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 12:39Rayna Greenberg?

  You're not fucking at home. Get on this app.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  No, I'm kidding.

• 12:43Rayna Greenberg?

  And the message.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Should we get on this?

• 12:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you guys looking for a third? And everybody is so sexy. You can see how far away they are from you. The conversations I'm having on here are like so much more fun. So I found this guy last night and my opening line to him was, you have a sexy smile.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 13:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I just wouldn't say that to people on other dating apps.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  You say it to him in person though, so what? That's your vibe.

• 13:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's my vibe, but I don't know. Other dating apps, people are more like, play like, how's your day going?

• 13:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Hey Raina, how are you today? And I'm just like, whatever. So I said.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  You have a sexy smile. It's strong.

• 13:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Sexy smile. And he wrote back, I'm not a big fan of country music, but you could convert me in those chaps. And off to the races we went and we had like a nice conversation.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:27Rayna Greenberg?

  And I told you, so height is not on here. I put my height on it. I put my height in the profile. I just said I was like 5'2", which is a lie, but.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Not rating a line about her height. Why are you just a dude? Not you adding two inches like every man on the dating apps.

• 13:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I said, I'm a Gemini, I'm 5'2" and people think I'm funny. That's my profile. So I just like really enjoyed it. It's like lighter.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I'm not gonna get over this that quickly. I'm dead. What if someone called you out? Um, I'm sorry, did you say you were 5'2"? Cause you're giving it 5 feet and I don't know if I can-

• 14:04Rayna Greenberg?

  When I show up in heels, I will be 5'2" though. No man is showing up 2 inches taller.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 14:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Like I want them to know what height I'm showing up as.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Exactly. So it's not a lie.

• 14:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  I will be 5'2" on our date.

• 14:15Rayna Greenberg?

  That and that's what's important.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And then I'm on my back. So everybody's the same height.

• 14:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm having the time of my life. And because people's heights aren't on here, like this one guy that I went out with, I'm just like, I probably would have swiped past him because I'm a, I'm a heightest and that's stupid. Cause when you and I go out to bars and people approach me, I'm never like 5'9", next.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:36Rayna Greenberg?

  But when I'm on dating apps, listen, I think I'm cute. I'm an LA 6, but I, I swipe with the energy of a 25. I'm just like, ew, gross, next, short, probably poor.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Swiping like you're back in Pittsburgh?

• 14:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Swiping like you're in Pittsburgh in LA. No offense.

• 14:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I swipe with the energy of Gisele. It is crazy the way I'm out here judging people. I'm just like, sick, ew, short, next. But like, I just probably would have swiped right past this person. It was just like, stay tuned until next week. But so far-

• 15:08Speaker 01

  He's so hot.

• 15:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, he's really hot.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  He's not 5'4".

• 15:14Rayna Greenberg?

  He said he was 5'11", which I'm pretty sure is a lie.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Well, you lied to him. You both had a two inches-

• 15:19Rayna Greenberg?

  We started our relationship on a lie. But okay, I want to tell you about this thing that happened because I, I can't remember if we ever talked about this on the podcast, but- So we went out to this restaurant last night, which I like going out to in Venice. And there's like a big bar and I assume we'll sit at the bar. So we're an outfit to sit at the bar. Like you don't wear your standing jeans. You wear your sitting jeans, which is fine. But then he was like, there's actually this like speakeasy around the corner from the bar, from the restaurant. Would you like, want to go there? And I was like, yeah, that sounds fun. So we like went in there and all the seating are low couches.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 15:51Rayna Greenberg?

  And I was just like, my, no one's body is built for that on a first date.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Like this is what you have to wear to that. What we're wearing to record in.

• 15:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Hate a low couch.

• 16:00Rayna Greenberg?

  A low couch on a first date. My fupa is just pouring out of my pants.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  My knees are in my chest.

• 16:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Like this is me. I'm like this. And then try to serve me some food.

• 16:14Rayna Greenberg?

  You're doing the crab walk. I gotta show you what I wore too. Like this is not an outfit that was built for a couch.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  No, it's Soho House. They're like, would you like to sit on the floor?

• 16:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, I know.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Every seat at Soho House is three inches off the floor.

• 16:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Just sit under the table, actually, man. So last night I wore these jeans, they're kind of high waisted and then like an open front shirt.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  So cute.

• 16:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:34Rayna Greenberg?

  So that's not an outfit that's built to sit on the floor. My, I had a muffin top at my rib cage.

• 16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  And it was uncomfortable. And here's the other thing about couches on a first date. There's no clear boundary between you and the other person. So if you don't want to be touched by that person, you don't want to be like angled in towards each other. Like I just, I want a chair. I wanted him to touch me, so I like enjoyed the date with him. But if it was like somebody else, like it's a lot of like close familiarity. You just kind of sink into the middle of the couch together. Otherwise you're like on opposite ends of the couch.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I want, I want our boundaries to be defined on a first date. Like I went on a first date with that guy, that matchmaker. And he was already seated when I got there and like a big. Round booth. And I was like, where the fuck do I sit?

• 17:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  And I sat far away because we're strangers. Like, I kind of sat on the other side. That's so far.

• 17:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Which is so weird.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  And then we did start to vibe. And then I'm like, do I scooch now? I'm not going to sit next to you in the booth, the round booth.

• 17:40Rayna Greenberg?

  And then where do they put their arms? Like, he had his arm like up on the couch and it was sort of like behind me a little bit and he kept like touching my hair a little bit. I didn't mind it. Like, I liked it, but like I wanted him to touch me. Another person, I would have been like, you back up a little?

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:54Rayna Greenberg?

  And it's just, I don't know. It's uncomfortable. A friend of mine once told me she went on a picnic for her first date.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 17:59Rayna Greenberg?

  On the ground.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Giving Tessa. Guys, Tessa had a guy ask her to go pick up trash on the beach. And I love a community service effort.

• 18:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  First date, let's not pick up trash. It's giving community service. Do you have a DUI? Why do you need me to do this with you?

• 18:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think that's what it is? You think this is like performative helping?

• 18:21Speaker 01

  I want to tread lightly because I, we need people to pick up this fucking trash on the beach. These our beaches are fucked, so more power to him. But first date, you guys have not met. A stranger was like, hey, you know what I think would be fun? Let's go pick up trash on the beach. And then what did he say? After the rain, it'll be even more trash to pick up. I think he's just a trash king.

• 18:46Rayna Greenberg?

  So I've oscillated throughout the years about like first date activities. And I think especially in LA, a lot of people are sober, that don't drink. Like, even this guy I was with last night was like, I don't really drink that much. I'll like drink on a date, but like I would never like drink at home. Like, I think a lot of people in LA don't really drink, so they're looking for non-drinking activities. And I'm fine, of course, to like, I just, I want to like sit across from you and have a coffee. I don't need to like clean up trash, like a volunteer thing on the beach. I don't, some people might like it.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  I really like any sort of volunteer effort, trash or otherwise, on a date. And, but like a first date, asking a woman to go pick up trash, it's not hitting.

• 19:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, what are you gonna wear to pick up the trash?

• 19:26Speaker 01

  An orange vest.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  As someone who had to pick up trash, court mandated.

• 19:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, do you wear a bikini top? What if the trash gets on your stomach? And then you get a trash rash?

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Tessa shows up in like a sexy bikini. She's like, I thought we were doing a beach thing. He's like, here's your fluorescent, here's your high vis vest and your trash picker.

• 19:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think he would have brought those claws to pick up?

• 19:55Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. Does this dating like, both of you right now are, I want to say on fire. You two are on fire. The guy is not so sure. Also, by the way, people probably think I sound so awful and I do. And I wouldn't be here if I was contagious. I am no longer testing positive. I just have a lingering cough, which I think we can all understand. Plus, we're going to have to have the flu shot, so.

• 20:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you think people are like, say, Breanna, she's not safe that close to Ashley?

• 20:22Speaker 01

  People get weird about, I mean, I feel like ever since COVID, people are like, how could you? And it's just like, I did my time.

• 20:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You're much more than me. Like, I'm always like, yeah, I'll be around people. I don't care. Yeah, I'm sick, I'll go out. Yeah, you're sick, I'll go out. Like, you're the one that is like, I don't want to get people sick.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  It used to be way more acceptable to be sick and out.

• 20:42Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I was sick for-

• 20:43Speaker 01

  It was admirable.

• 20:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you remember? I was sick for years that one time.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  It was admirable to be working, performing, doing whatever, fucking hacking up along. Someone's like, they are strong.

• 20:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Grind at any cost.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  And then 2020 happened and it was like, you're an asshole.

• 20:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, but do you remember like, you couldn't sneeze in public? Oh, I sneeze in public now. Oh, I feel so nice.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Okay, I want to hear more about-

• 21:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that's all I have to say about him.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  How did it, anything else? How did it go?

• 21:14Rayna Greenberg?

  It was great. We had a lot of fun.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  You said you used the lube, bitch.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  You can't just tease the audience and me like that.

• 21:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I'll tell you offline.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Okay. It ended well.

• 21:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we had a good time. It was a good time.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  You were the same height laying down.

• 21:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we were.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  He was like, you're going to talk about this? I was like, I would never.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 21:39Rayna Greenberg?

  You should have heard the speech I gave him about privacy. And listen, this is just a person in the world. You guys don't know who this is, so who cares? I only said nice things about him.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  He's hot. He does have a sexy smile. I will say that. You are not lying.

• 21:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, what else? Do you have anything else to talk about?

• 21:55Speaker 01

  What am I got going on?

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Do you have anything else to talk about? Yeah, such a wild week. Yeah, fuck it. I'll promote my tour. Haven't done it in a while. You guys, take pity on me and buy tickets to my tour. I survived the flu 2025. I lived to tell the tale.

• 22:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe you'll write some jokes about it.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  I'm doing one whole hour on the flu. Come watch me drag the flu. So yeah, if you guys, I'm going on tour on April 4th. It's called the Sex Before Marriage Tour. I'm starting in Chicago. There's only a few tickets left to my third show in Chicago. And then I'll be in Phoenix, Miami, Tampa, Salt Lake City, Pasadena, Portland, Oregon, Washington DC, Toronto. Toronto is pretty much sold out. Denver, then here in LA, Charlotte, Atlanta, San Diego, San Francisco. Rayna Greenberg might be at one of those dates.

• 22:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Early on.

• 22:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Listen, I was watching our videos this morning from the tour and I got the itch. Maybe we'll go back on tour.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, so grab tickets, ashhes.com. Again, a lot of these shows are almost sold out. So get them now. And I'm doing a couple of shows in New York at the end of March. I've posted about that as well. Like, link in my bio on Instagram. That's ashhes. I promise I won't cough on you.

• 23:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe. You never know.

• 23:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe somebody likes that.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  If that's your kink, if you have a flu kink. So yeah, let's talk about our partners and then we will get into it.

• 23:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so we have a newer partner. Does anybody else struggle with health goals? Obviously, I want to succeed, but sometimes it's difficult to find the motivation without someone supporting me and keeping me accountable. And that is why I am excited that we are partnering with Fay. Could your relationship with you do use an upgrade? Fay is a revolutionary platform that connects you with your own registered dietitian, making expert nutrition guidance accessible and affordable. So whether you are looking for help- Losing weight, improving your general health, which we love, managing a health condition. Faye has a dietitian that's right for you. And the best part, all dietitians on Faye accept insurance with over 700 plus insurance plans accepted. So you'll likely pay $0 out of pocket. So I always thought that a dietitian was just kind of like outside the budget and I didn't know they took insurance.

• 24:06Rayna Greenberg?

  So I love all this. And I think for me, it's not about like losing weight. It's just like, how do you be healthy and make that sustainable? How do you make like better choices for what you put in your body every single day? And like make it delicious and fun and exciting for yourself. And if you're kind of tired of this one size fits all diet plan and generic nutrition advice, the dietitians at Faye work with you one on one to create a customized program tailored specifically to your needs, which is fantastic. 93% of Faye clients reported an improved relationship with food and 85% reached their target weight. It's super easy to sign up. There's a huge network of registered dietitians. Again, so whatever you're kind of looking to do, they have people that specialize in 30 areas. So it's not just weight loss. It's sports nutrition. It's women's health with PCOS and postpartum, which I love. It's gut health.

• 24:50Rayna Greenberg?

  So whatever you're looking to focus on, they do have a lot of different options. You can achieve lasting results with the help of a registered dietitian through Faye. Listeners of Girls Gotta Eat can qualify to see a registered dietitian for as little as $0 by visiting faynutrition.com/gge. That's faynutrition.com/gge. One last time, faynutrition.com/gge and make sure you use our URL so that they know that we sent you.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm telling you guys about Tonal. I think this is such an incredible thing you can have in your home to get your workout in. I also just want to talk about how important it is to do strength training, especially whatever type of body you have. But like, I just think that women, you know, sometimes are scared to like do anything with like weights. And I just think no matter what, like building muscle is gonna keep you like lean and healthy and all those things. And it's just so important to do strength training. And this is a great way to get it in at home. Tonal's at home strength training system uses adaptive weight to learn from your movement and set the optimal weight for every move. So it's very smart. We love that. It is the world's smartest workout. It effortlessly fits into the busiest lifestyle. I'm going to try to explain it, but you guys can go to their website and see.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  So it is this workout equipment that goes on a wall. It's just set up to really do all types of workouts like on the floor. You can get your upper body, your lower body, your abs. I mean, they have different types of workouts like Pilates and drop sets and high intensity, cardio, yoga, mobility, boxing. You can really choose and then you're going to go through that. There's, it has a screen as well for those workout classes. And then again, it's going to adjust in one pound increments with adaptive weight. That now goes up to 250 pounds, challenging even the most advanced users to push their limits. There are these Aero Hit workouts, perfect blend of heart pumping cardio and strength. And a new built in smart view leverages a high resolution camera that lets you see yourself during your workout, analyzes your movements and provides real time coaching, just like a personal trainer.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  I mean, it feels like it's from the future. Like it's really just so incredible. And again, it's just in your home. You never have to leave the home and you guys can check it out. It's like you're getting a full gym experience, just again, in your home. So right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code GGE. That's tonal.com and use promo code GGE for $200 off your purchase. That's tonal.com promo code GGE for $200 off.

• 27:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. And I know we've all tried to feel good after a night of drinks and I found something that actually works. It's a pre alcohol probiotic from the brand Zbiotics. So after a night of drinks, I don't really bounce back like I used to. And I didn't have to choose between a great night out or a great next day. So I found Zbiotics, it's a pre alcohol probiotic. It helps your body break down alcohol's toxic byproducts. You feel better the next day. So when you drink alcohol converts into a toxic byproduct in the gut. And it's that byproduct, not dehydration that are to blame for the rough next day. And this is a proactive way to help the next day instead of a reactive approach. I mean, once the damage is done for me without this, that's it. Day is gone 24 hours. I just like eat bad, I'm foggy, I can't show up the way I want to. And I don't want to live like that.

• 27:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to have like a nice night out and a good next day. So every time I have pre alcohol before I drink, I know it's a difference the next day. Even after a night out, I can confidently plan on the day. Working, working out without worry. And admittedly, I was skeptical about Zbiotics, but really, I tried it. It's great. Don't let anyone rain on your St. Patrick's Day parade. Grab pre-alcohol before you celebrate and keep the festivities going strong. Go to zbiotics.com/gge to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use GGE at checkout. Zbiotics is backed with 100% money-back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember to head to zbiotics.com/gge and use the code GGE at checkout for 15% off. Thank you, Zbiotics, for sponsoring this episode

• 28:40Rayna Greenberg?

  and our good times. Okay, let's get into it. All right, guys, we are very excited to welcome a special guest today. He is the author of Heartbreak Love. From the dizzying highs of new romance to the gut punch of heartbreak, he captures the full spectrum of love with raw, relatable poetry. He's also the... Not poetry, you hit it. You said it with your chest. Well, it's not every man writes a poetry book. We have Shel Silverstein over here.

• 29:08Rayna Greenberg?

  He's also the host of the Pals Podcast. Please welcome to the show Ricky Leorni.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Ladies, thanks for having me. I appreciate you.

• 29:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you for being here.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  I feel like this is a couple of years in the making.

• 29:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it really is. It's 2022, August 22. So he's a former celebrity of the show. What would you call him?

• 29:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Infamous mention.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  There we go, yeah.

• 29:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, do you want to know how you found him and then what happened?

• 29:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I just came up on my TikTok in 2022 and it was this like very good.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  You're my target audience, yeah.

• 29:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, right. It was this very good-looking guy talking about like, I can't get a date to a wedding. And I was like, fuck, all the way off. I can't get a date to a wedding. You can get a date to a wedding. No, I'm kidding. But I kind of went on this rant about, oh, these guys, these poor me hot guys, you know, they can't get a date. And so... Tell us about that TikTok and what inspired it and then we want to, we'll play your rebuttal.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I was, um, I got invited to a wedding, just didn't have a date to go with, right? Just, I didn't have anybody and I asked like a couple of people close to me and they just said no. So I made them, I, hey, don't have a wedding date, like anybody want to go to a wedding kind of thing? Like, I made it playfully, did I think it was gonna go viral? Like, maybe, maybe not, you don't think it's gonna go mega viral. It did, obviously you guys saw it, which is really funny, but I did it more just out of like fun. It's like cheeky, my, my content's meant to be cheeky and relatable. It's meant to know people, like, dating isn't easy, whether you're attractive, unattractive, smart, stupid, rich, poor. Like, everybody struggles with dating, so I made that and I've had a couple of other ones similar to that that went mega viral too.

• 30:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  So did you ever get a wedding date to that wedding?

• 30:46Speaker 00

  No, the bride messaged me saying, hey, I don't appreciate that you, uh,

• 30:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Are fishing for strangers on the internet?

• 30:53Speaker 00

  So, my buddy messaged me, he's like, yo, do you mind just not bringing a date? I was like, yeah, I completely get it. So I ended up taking, I ended up taking a random stranger out for dinner like two weeks later.

• 31:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, I'm, I'm trying to put myself in these shoes, every bride is different, I'm a bride to be. And I mean, now that I'm starting to understand what wedding costs, I understand what it costs.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  I would pay for it, the booster covers it.

• 31:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, but no one's gonna say like, write me a check.

• 31:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, but, yes, like, it's very funny, a flex from you would have been like, I'll Venmo you, what's the, what's the cost per person? Cause it's like three, $400, like, all in, you know? But it just depends, cause Lee's wedding, like, day of, she was like, I gave you a plus one, if you find some dude on Bumble, bring him tonight. Like, everybody's so different, so I can see both sides of a bride being like, can you not bring a random?

• 31:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it depends how much money you have.

• 31:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  And also how big the wedding is.

• 31:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Where do you live, how big is the wedding, how old are we? I'm not traveling to a wedding in my 30s without a date, that's, that's silly, that feels, but if somebody's like, I can't afford it.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  Really? You wouldn't travel to a wedding?

• 31:46Rayna Greenberg?

  It's not my dream, but if somebody said, I can't afford for you to bring a date, a random stranger you met, then I'd also understand that.

• 31:52Speaker 00

  I think it was just because it was a smaller wedding and they didn't want to make like a big,

• 31:55Rayna Greenberg?

  It was smaller, okay.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, so they didn't want to make a random stranger, which I completely get, I was like, hey, my bad, like,

• 32:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Right, like,

• 32:01Speaker 00

  This is not my day, it's not my day at all, I would hate to fucking put even a mini stain on someone's wedding day for like, no reason.

• 32:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  You were friends with the guy or like? I am dead that that girl, that bride got involved?

• 32:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Saw that TikTok and she's,

• 32:14Speaker 00

  Everybody saw it. Everybody saw it.

• 32:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  The conversation between the two of them and she's like, you gotta talk to him.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it was, uh, it was, but wait, so you wouldn't travel to a wedding alone?

• 32:23Rayna Greenberg?

  So let me qualify that. Of course I wouldn't, I have, but it's not my dream. I think that like, if you have a destination wedding and you invite adults, it's nice to invite an adult with a date. And if I've gone to weddings by myself where I've traveled and I've spent a lot of money to travel. And then if I don't know a lot of people, the weekend before I met her, I went to Boston for this wedding and I didn't get invited to the date and I didn't really know anybody there and it was just a bummer. It's tough to spend a weekend like that.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  See, I always get a plus one and I haven't brought a plus one to a wedding in years. And then we just had a wedding this past summer. My best friend got married. That's actually how we knew each other, same group of friends. And I got a plus one. I didn't bring one because I'm just like, hey, if I bring one to a good friend's wedding. So that doubles my boost cost, you know, the, the cash in the envelope you gotta give.

• 33:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Then the hotel, obviously they're gonna stay with me. I can't make them pay for it. I'm gonna pay for it. Okay, what about, do I pay for flights? Do I not pay for flights? Cause it's a vacation. Then do I pay for everything? Which I'm the type of guy that when I bring a, a woman somewhere, I'm gonna pay for everything anyway. So now I'm like, I just doubled my cost on this week long Greece trip.

• 33:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally. And your friends are there.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was like, I have friends. Like, and what if I meet somebody too? Like, again, I'm probably not gonna meet someone at a small wedding in like bumfuck nowhere Greece, but you never know.

• 33:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  You never know.

• 33:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I've been to so many weddings alone. All my college girlfriends, every single one. But like, they're my close friends. I know a lot of people there. It's tough. Like that wedding you went to, it was like no many people and you're like here alone, but you also wouldn't have brought a random person.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  But like, why even go then if you don't know a lot of people and like you don't care about the person that much? If it's far away.

• 33:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't care about her. She's one of my closest friends from college. I just didn't really know a lot of people in the wedding. I mean, we got married, she got married 10 years after college.

• 33:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, also there is a woman in the room and, because you like motioned over. So just letting everybody know that you have a friend, a friend here with you. You guys do not hook up.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  We do not hook up.

• 34:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you are both single and straight.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  And we traveled together.

• 34:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  And both hot.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you traveled together. Also, before you got here, she was like, we should go to Rodeo Drive. You should buy me something. And I was like, are you guys dating?

• 34:15Speaker 00

  No, we're friends.

• 34:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  Shout out Vicky.

• 34:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shout out to Vicky.

• 34:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's great.

• 34:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, Vicky's great.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  So my, one of my best friends that I do the podcast with Danielle is her best friend. So like, our whole group of friends, like, we all traveled together, like, ironically, another one of our good friends, this girl Nicole, when we were in Greece a couple of years ago, a big group of us, I ended up wanting to go to Portugal after, I wasn't ready to go home, and she's like, yeah, I'll come to Portugal with you.

• 34:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 00

  So we ended up going to Portugal for three days.

• 34:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I love this, and we stand firmly that men and women can just be friends. We're just, you know, fucking with you guys, but.

• 34:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I've slept with most of my guy friends, but now we're friends. Now we're just friends.

• 34:50Speaker 00

  So I've slept with some of my female friends as well, and it's not weird at all. It's like, once you're that close with somebody too, it's like, you're just friends. There's like, there's a clear divide. Like, what if you're drunk? It's like, no, sometimes you're just fucking friends.

• 35:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Just get it out of the way. Okay, so I want to wrap up the story, and then we'll explain why you talk about dating in general.

• 35:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I want to play your rebuttal, and then I want to ask you why you can't get a date to a wedding. Okay.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  Well, I recently got featured on a podcast. They didn't mention me, but they just basically called out my TikToks and talked shit about me, kind of roasted me. But the way they roasted me is just, you gotta listen.

• 35:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, poor me, just a cool guy that can't get a date. It's like, you could walk in anywhere, and the panties would just throw themselves at you. I would suck that guy's dick in front of my dad.

• 35:38Speaker 00

  That was the best one. So that's just like, even I was like, sorry dad, I'm trying to do something here.

• 35:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, hold on. No, you're right, you're right.

• 35:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Let me play to the end.

• 35:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I would pick my face up off that guy's dick and be like, dad, I'm trying to do something here. Yeah. Thank you for reminding me that that was at the end.

• 35:57Speaker 00

  It's so funny, like, literally. I remember reading the message I got from like, my friend who told me about it. And she's like, Ricky, like, I don't know how to really say this, but you kind of got roasted, but also in the best possible way. I'm like, how is that possible? She's like, it's the best backhanded compliment you'll ever get in your entire life. And I was like, okay, send me the clip. She sends it to me, I'm just like, yep, this is, I'm taking this as a compliment for sure. Yeah, it was really funny though.

• 36:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm just really proud of myself. That was really funny. So you talk about dating. How did you like get into that?

• 36:33Speaker 00

  So I made TikToks during COVID like majority of people did. I had an app with two of my best friends. We were traveling the States like promoting this app and the boyfriend application came out. That was like, wow, like a big TikTok trend at the time. I made it and like I had a couple TikToks go viral, but nothing crazy. I had maybe, I don't know, 20, 30,000 followers on TikTok. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. I posted the video. I was in Houston, Texas at the time. I posted it, you know, five o'clock and when I woke up the next morning, like my phone's just like, oh, like blowing up. Literally like every notification is just 99 comments, 99 new followers, 99 likes. Like everything's 99 Instagram. I checked, I gained like probably 10,000 followers overnight, maybe 20,000 followers overnight. The video did 2 million views like overnight and it was just insane.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  I have like random blogs reaching out to me. It's like, hey, like we want to talk to you about this dating. I'm like, uh, I'm just a normal fucking dude.

• 37:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  From doing that dating application, like viral trend.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Doing of trend. It's not even my trend. I didn't even make it.

• 37:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I remember that trend.

• 37:29Speaker 00

  I do too. Yeah. So I did that and then I'm obviously single. I've been single for a long time. Uh, so I just talk about, you know, cheeky, relatable dating content that, you know, makes people feel like they're heard, they're seen. And I've just been talking about it a lot and it's kind of related to people. So I keep doing it and yeah, I guess I'll, I'll stop doing it when I'm in a relationship. Maybe I'll just delete TikTok and Instagram one day too.

• 37:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Talk about your relationship. So we'll talk about your book too, and why you wrote it and the motivation, but do you want to be in a relationship? Like what's your dating history? I don't, I hate to say, why are you single? I hate that question.

• 38:00Speaker 00

  No, no, it's fair. I appreciate you.

• 38:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you want to be single?

• 38:03Speaker 00

  I want to meet my person, but I'm not willing to sacrifice the current life I have for someone who's not. I've always been in long-term relationships my whole life. I've had two, four-year relationships, a three-year relationship, a two-year relationship.

• 38:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you can commit. We like to hear it.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  I've been in long-term relationships. This is all, I'm 34. So this is all prior to social media though. So all my long relationships before I did any social media. Broke up with my ex right before COVID. COVID happens like that's a, I literally broke up a week before COVID, I think. And I'm like, I was traveling. I got back quarantine happened. She's like, I need to see you. I was like, this is a sign from fucking God. That we are not meant to be together, literally. So broke up. I was single for, I don't know, four years. Then I started doing this whole TikTok thing, social media, whatever. Met my ex last year around this time. We dated for, you know, a hot minute. Then that's kind of what led to the book and she was long distance. She's actually from LA.

• 38:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  From Toronto, just in case people are like.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it was a long distance relationship, but again, she travels a lot. I travel a lot. Like our first date was like a marathon, three day date. It was probably one of the best dates I've ever been on. So yeah, after we broke up, wrote the book, but yeah, I always said this, I would love to be in a relationship, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness and the life I currently have for someone who might not be it.

• 39:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  So when you say sacrifice, what are the things you're like, I will not stop doing this?

• 39:16Speaker 00

  So if I, when I get in a relationship, it's not just about me anymore. It's not just, hey, I go to work, after work, I go to the gym, after the gym, I get to go meet up with friends. Just like, hey, you gotta make time for your person. Whether it's the daily FaceTime calls that me and my ex used to have.

• 39:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Maybe it's saying making time for phone calls or date nights or, you know, being there for them, whatever it is. Like I can't be going out to the bars two, three nights a week with my buddies just for casual drinks to hang out with them. Like you have to make sacrifices when you're in a relationship. And right now, there's nobody in my life that I've wanted to make sacrifices for. I met my ex, literally, our first date, I was like, yeah, cool, ready. I'm like, cool, we deleting social media tomorrow, I'm down. Like, not actually, but you know what I mean.

• 39:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I want to hone in on this, like sacrificing your lifestyle, like, and also when you meet the right person, you don't consider it sacrifice. I mean, that people interpret that word in a multitude of different ways. But I just like what you're saying, and I feel like I really felt like this prior to meeting my partner. Raina feels like this, like your life is great and it's fun and it sounds like you do whatever the fuck you want all the time. It sounds like your life is really full. You're talking about the travel and again, yeah, work, gym, go out with my friends. Like you need to make time for someone else and give those things up. And if it's the right person, you'll be happy to do it. But I just really respect you talking about it in a way that we talk about it. When we're like, I don't have the, like, when I decided I wanted a partner, I literally felt like I had to make space.

• 40:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like I had to make some changes and make space in my life because there was none.

• 40:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, like this, this weekend's the best example. I think this was not a planned thing that was like a month in advance or two months advance, like most people's, you know, four day holidays. This is two straight, single people traveling together. In what world would that be okay if you had a partner?

• 40:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Couldn't be me.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  So again, I would have to sacrifice this LA trip if my future partner didn't have vacation days or the time or the energy or.

• 41:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Just traveling on the fly in general.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  This is my, I don't know, fifth vacation this year or six weeks into the year.

• 41:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, 100%.

• 41:10Speaker 00

  There's times where I send friends flowers because they're having a bad day, like female friends flowers. Like, okay, if you have a partner, you can't, you might not be able to do some of those things.

• 41:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  Like when I go with some of my female friends, like I'll pick up the bill just because I can. Well, imagine your boyfriend's paying for some other woman's dinner. Like, maybe not. So there are sacrifices you need to make. I think when you meet the right person, they don't feel like sacrifices.

• 41:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 41:33Speaker 00

  Like I get my ex, when we started dating, I was just like, yeah, cool. Like, I was on a bachelor party in Arizona. Instead of flying home, I literally just flew over here for two days.

• 41:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Love it.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Just to see her and then flew back home for her. Hey, a little sacrifice, but I didn't care. I didn't think about the sacrifice because I was so excited to see her.

• 41:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally. Yeah. So I want to ask you, like, it sounds like you have a very full life. It's busy. You've mentioned like four different trips since you got here, Vegas and Dallas. And it sounds like you do a lot and you get up, you work out, you're doing Venice Run Club tomorrow.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 42:01Rayna Greenberg?

  So when you meet somebody, how important is it to you to feel like they fold into that and do it with you versus like, don't have similar interests and hobbies?

• 42:10Speaker 00

  My future partner will have majority, if not all, the same interests I have. Obviously not all, that would be tough. But if they don't like fitness, I always said, my future partner has to be fit. And fit can look many different ways physically, but they have to enjoy doing physical activities. Whether it's biking, running, swimming, workout classes, gym, I don't care what it is. I love it. It's so part of my life. Imagine if I dated someone who didn't and wouldn't understand the fact that I need to go every single day for my mental health and because I'm fucking vain too. I am. So I want to look good. So I have to go every day. One of my exes wasn't as into it as I was. And I remember one night I was at work late and she was coming over for dinner. I'm like, I'm going to be 30 minutes late. She's like, why? I'm like, I have to go to the gym. She's like, no, just skip the gym. I was like, I can't. She's like,

• 42:55Speaker 00

  why? I'm like, because I like, you don't understand this, but I need to. She's like, why do you need to? I was like, look, you don't get this like I do. I have to for my mental health. So I think my future partner will have a lot of the same similarities and interests that I have. And even I said this recently too, one of my dating prompts, when I used to have dating apps, was, you know, what's your typical, what's your ideal Sunday look like? And I'm like, wake up, do a half marathon, go for a boozy brunch, meet up with our friends, go get pizza and then like binge watch Harry Potter. And a lady, she, she comments, she's like, this sounds like hell, but she like liked the comment. And I had to X her. And she was stunning gorgeous, but I'm just like, if you don't like that, if that sounds like, if my ideal Sunday sounds like hell to you, this has no chance of working.

• 43:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. You know, it's layered. Like it sounds like the person that you were talking about not only didn't do those things, she also didn't understand why you had to. And I think that we don't have to do every single thing in common with our partners, but we should be able to at least let them have space to do those things. And it depends on how much of a lifestyle it is.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  So someone said, it's like, what if your person doesn't want to do this, but gives you the space to do it? And I'm like, I understand that, but Sundays to me are like one of my favorite days of the week.

• 43:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  If I don't want to spend my Sunday with you, what the fuck is the point of this?

• 44:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  I mean, Like literally.

• 44:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I see a world in which some women wouldn't like the regiment, you know, like it might not be for me. I'm super into fitness.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Majority women wouldn't like that.

• 44:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  In terms of like, you can't skip a day, that might not be the type of guy I would want, but there's plenty of women out there and you just can't be with somebody who isn't going to do those things. Like we have a guy friend, Rob, and he's like really into cycling and he was like, never going to be with a woman who didn't want to do that. You know, they were on their honeymoon, cycling around France, you know, like he's like, I'm not going to be with a girl who doesn't want to cycle and like, doesn't want to do these outdoorsy things because he's so passionate about, he wants to do it with his partner. You know?

• 44:39Speaker 00

  For me, one of my favorite things is, and I always say this, I'm never home. Like actually like, I wake up, I leave my condo or my parents' house, wherever I was the, the night before. I'll wake up at 6 a.m., 6:30, I'm at the gym, then I go to work all day. After work, I book things to do because I, I enjoy doing things. If you're the type of person that after work, you want to go home and cook dinner and binge watch whatever is on Netflix, like, yo, I love that for you and that's amazing and that's great, you're just not my person. I just, I can't see myself doing that four days a week. I just, I can't.

• 45:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  What do you do?

• 45:09Speaker 00

  Well, I own a pickleball team, so like I play pickleball once a week. I do workout classes. I, I have the podcast.

• 45:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 45:15Speaker 00

  I travel, you know, every two to three weeks. There's always something to do and then there's the influencer events that we get invited to too, which are like a lot of fun.

• 45:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  And I have random people that come with me to these things. And then there was like, you know, people I'm kind of interested in that don't want to do any of these things. I'm like, okay, how would this fucking work?

• 45:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  I'm inviting other people to these things that I would want to do with you like, or I'm gonna stop doing them myself and then I'm gonna lose myself. And that's not fun either.

• 45:37Rayna Greenberg?

  It sounds like your life is really full and I would give different advice to different people. It doesn't seem like you're complaining about being single.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 45:43Rayna Greenberg?

  If you were like, I've tried everything and I can't find anybody. And I'd say, well, who are you searching for? And you'd say, well, I want to find exactly the same person as me. I'd say maybe, maybe open up your mind a little bit. But it doesn't sound like you're like, I'm so miserable. My happiness is anchored in another person. I really, really want to find somebody right now. We're all gonna have our own boundaries.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, don't get me wrong, I would love to meet my fucking person. I would, I would love to meet my person and be doing everything I'm doing right now with my person. Okay, but I haven't met them yet. Great. My life out of a hundred is a 99 out of 100 right now. I truly believe I'm that level of happiness. I'm missing one. The one person I'm missing is that extra one 99 out of 100. Am I gonna risk my 99 for someone that might not make me 100? No. But when I meet my one, and I thought I did last year and it didn't work out, but I'm willing to risk it for that one to complete my happiness level chart, whatever you want to call it.

• 46:37Rayna Greenberg?

  And you'll probably meet somebody doing those things you love to do. Like if these women are up Sunday morning running, like that's your type of person.

• 46:46Speaker 00

  Fucking right.

• 46:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  That's why I go to all these stupid singles mixers and run clubs and pickleball. Everyone keeps saying run clubs and pickleball. That's where you meet people. I fucking play pickleball all the time. I'm in like three run clubs. I haven't met a single fucking person. I'm like, what the hell?

• 46:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Venice run club tomorrow though.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  Venice run club, you never know. So I keep, so there are days where I look, I'm like, fuck, I must be the problem here. Like there's, mm, there's gotta be something. Cause like, but then majority of the time I'm like, ah, fuck it. I just, my, my future wife is planning Valentine's Day dinner with some loser right now. Who's not treating her well. I'm just waiting for her to realize it so we can find each other.

• 47:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like this sometimes, that your life is so full, it's hard to compete with it. Like, I feel like I don't.

• 47:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're competing with my life.

• 47:25Rayna Greenberg?

  You're competing with my, my life, my friends. My interests, my job, which is great, the travel I do, like, I don't like ask people quickly, but sometimes I'm just like, if you're not gonna be nice, you're not gonna be intentional, you're not gonna show up when you, bye. Like, my life is nice and I don't need to make concessions.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  And even on dating apps, and I hate using dating apps as an example, because I do like dating apps. I'm not on any really right now. I kind of use them just to like make friends when I travel. But on dating apps, like, people are like, oh, I'd love to, give me travel tips for you, I love traveling, blah, blah. And then you go to their Instagram, it's like, you haven't traveled. So it's like, okay, you love to do all these things, and I understand there's boundaries, financial hardships and all these other things, but at the same time, like, if you love to do that, okay, well, like,

• 48:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Prove it.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  How are we gonna do it if you don't do it on your own? But like, you go to my Instagram, it is an evolution of my dating profile. Like, you go to my Instagram, that's actually who I am.

• 48:13Rayna Greenberg?

  This is who I am.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  I do all these influencer things, I do all this pickleball things, I run all these half marathons, I travel religiously, like, the only thing that's not on my Instagram is my day job.

• 48:21Rayna Greenberg?

  You have a lot of energy.

• 48:23Speaker 00

  Thank you, I appreciate it.

• 48:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you, in a great way, like, you have more than the average person, I think?

• 48:27Speaker 00

  Oh, for sure.

• 48:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Can you think of a woman we know with this much energy? Like, can you think of a woman that will do all this? Because I feel like girls are very like, our whole vibe is, yes, we're all doers, we're all fucking boss bitches, but we like to be lazy. We have a couple of friends that we can talk about offline, but who live in LA that are single, actually, that we could set you up with. But, let me ask you, and you too, Ashley, it sounds like you have a lot of interests and hobbies, and I think that can be intimidating to the average person. I think most people are like, I want more friends, I want to do a lot more. If you met somebody that was like, I don't really have a lot going on, but I'm willing to do the stuff that you like, because the stuff you like sounds good, you teach me to be more like you. I don't mean this in a joking way, like, if somebody is happy to just kind of go along with what you want to do and open up their heart and their mind and new hobbies, do you like that?

• 49:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think there has to be something already there. I think it can't be starting from ground zero. I think you've got to be a fitness girl, or you've got to be something, you've got to, something's got to be there of like your top three things.

• 49:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, so for you, Ashley, like, but what if you met somebody?

• 49:30Rayna Greenberg?

  But they didn't like really have a lot of interests and hobbies, but they're like, "Your interests and hobbies sound good." Like, the last person I was in a serious relationship with, I wouldn't say he had a lot of interests and hobbies, but he was excited to learn about the things that I had going on and do those things with me.

• 49:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 00

  So I think that's really nice, like, that they get excited to do the things you love to do, but I also think they need to have their own things too. It's like, you can't just be my shadow. Like, nobody wants a shadow.

• 49:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think, to answer the question, my fiance's life has changed so much since he met me. He's going on tour, you know, he's traveling with me a lot, but like, he had so many cool interests and hobbies before I met him, and his friends were super important, and I loved that he had this big friend group, and he's got his like cars and his music and his shoes, and like, I just liked everything he was into and had stuff going on.

• 50:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys have similar interests and hobbies, and your families do too, and like, I am thinking about this last relationship I was in, and like, he was a great buddy to do stuff with. He was positive and excited, he wanted to learn about the stuff that I was into, but I don't know that he was like bringing stuff to the table, like, "I got tickets to this thing, I thought we would like it."

• 50:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  So if you don't mind me asking, why didn't it work out?

• 50:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Difference in lifestyles and goals and how we want to live.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Different in lifestyles.

• 50:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, motivations also.

• 50:43Speaker 00

  So again, if he's someone that just wanted to do what you're doing, and again, there's nothing wrong with people like that either. It's just, I can only speak on my behalf, I want someone who is similar to me, like a go-getter, who wants to do all these things. If my future partner loves Pilates, and I don't fucking know anything about Pilates, she loves it, I will fucking do it with her too. And I will jump onto that because it's still part of that physical fitness and like, the idea of going somewhere. I love going to sporting events, I love hockey, basketball, you know, soccer. Let's say she loves, I don't know, fucking cricket. Let's go to the cricket, let me get a new team.

• 51:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  We can find the middle ground.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  And one of my exes, she didn't care about football before she met me. Like, we got to pick her favorite team together.

• 51:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Love it.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  Like, I bought her a jersey, we'd sit down there, get her into fantasy football, and it was something we did on Sundays, and she was excited about it, and like,

• 51:27Rayna Greenberg?

  That's fun.

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Now it's still her favorite fucking team, you know, like 10 years later or something. To me, that's fun, but she had an interest in going to football games, going to do things, so. I think it all depends, like, if you have this... I don't want to call it a person born, but if you have someone that's got like a blank slate

• 51:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  A blank canvas, yeah.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  That just hasn't, doesn't have anything, it's tricky. If they've got their base and you're evolving and growing together and compromising with each other, then I think it works.

• 51:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I don't think most guys want that. I think if they, if they want a woman that's got nothing going on, so she can completely fold into their life and they can control her completely, huge red flag. Every single man we've ever spoken to, all the people on the show, as well as our friends, our brothers, like you want a woman who's got stuff going on. And so that's what we say to single women, like get your things you're passionate about, get a full life, because it's attractive.

• 52:13Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 52:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've never heard a guy say like, I just like a girl that's got nothing going on.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 52:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  So she can just do my shit.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Even people, I was like, where can I find good men these days? It's like, I don't know, what do you like doing?

• 52:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  There's no good men there. I'm like, you keep doing it, you're gonna find one. You're gonna find someone for you, doing the things you love. That's why, again, I go to these workout classes, I go to these run clubs, I do everything that, yeah, okay, obviously I do certain things alone too, but anytime I go to, I get invited to an event that's like fitness and charity related, I like make sure I'm a hundred percent there, because those are two things I love.

• 52:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:42Speaker 00

  Fitness and charity.

• 52:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Love it.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Anytime I get invited to a sporting event, I'm like, fuck yeah, how can we go? Are there people coming? Is this a group of us? Amazing. Oh, we're traveling to the Hamptons next weekend? Fuck yeah, sign me up. Who do I owe money to? Like, those are things I love doing. If I can meet someone doing the things I love, it's gonna work.

• 52:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  What's up with Vicky?

• 53:00Speaker 00

  Vicky works too much. No, we love Vicky. I'm not her type, actually.

• 53:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, what's your type, Vicky?

• 53:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, Vicky, what, like, do you?

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Tall, dark and handsome.

• 53:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you like someone less energy?

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Less energy, okay.

• 53:09Speaker 04

  Well, to his point, like, I work a lot and like, work is a big part of my life. I work in sports.

• 53:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  So, to your point, I've met a lot of people at work and in that industry, because that's where I put all my energy. I feel like our core values are a little bit different.

• 53:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's totally fine.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Again, we have guy friends, we, same.

• 53:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, one of our closest guy friends, I mean, him and I, ton of my guy friends I couldn't ever be with.

• 53:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  They stay at your house?

• 53:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, they stay at my house, they walk around with their shirts off. I would never, ever be like, maybe I could find a bedroom with you.

• 53:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, right now I'm gonna talk to you about him.

• 53:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  I can see a woman being like, I cannot, I won't be able to pin him down. Like, I can, I think women like consistency and stability. And so I think they might be like, he's got, it's too much. Like, he's the, he's here, he's there. And it's not that they don't want to do that. And I'm not saying that they're right.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  They're right for them, yeah.

• 53:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, I think you'd have to prove, like, I can be consistent and stable and like, you can rely on me. Like, when I think of you, I think of like, we used to talk about these guys, these like Sagittarius type guys. I don't know what your sign is, but.

• 54:12Speaker 00

  You can guess.

• 54:12Rayna Greenberg?

  It sounds Sagittarius, but.

• 54:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Are you?

• 54:15Speaker 00

  No.

• 54:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. You seem more high functioning.

• 54:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Also, we're not that into astrology. I'm just saying, like, we used to joke, like, you can't pin him down. Like, you know, I think most women just want someone they can count on. And you can do both. You can be all over the place, you can travel, you can have all these activities. But at the end of the day, like, there needs to be some stability there, too.

• 54:32Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 54:33Rayna Greenberg?

  So I guess it depends on like, what your life is full of. Somebody who just travels a lot, on a whim, all the time, that I could get behind. The pin him down, like, if the, I can't pin him down because he's always on a trip, I'm super behind that. I'll go with you, I'll plan stuff with you, that's really fun. But like, lifestyle wise, I had feelings for somebody who was a very outdoorsy person. He likes to mountain bike and snowboard and I don't like any of those things. That is what he wants to do all the time, constantly. And like, we didn't date, but like, it would have never been an option. I don't like to do any of those things. He's another person, it's hard to quote unquote, pin him down. But the person he ended up with is somebody who likes to do those things a lot. She's nothing like me. So.

• 55:10Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 55:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I think she probably likes his brand of can't pin him down, whereas I would fucking hate it.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:17Rayna Greenberg?

  You're on a mountain every weekend, you're camping every weekend.

• 55:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep.

• 55:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Absolutely not, but you're on a trip every weekend? Count me in.

• 55:23Speaker 00

  And to your idea, like, most women would think this, and you are a hundred percent correct. I'm also not looking for most women. I'm looking for a very specific person. I've been single for so long and I've dated so many ama- like, truly amazing women. Like, they are perfect for somebody and I know they are. And so many women I've gone on dates with and like, we had short flings, have met their person. And I'm so happy for them because they're great people. The thing is, they weren't mine. I'm not going to waste anybody's time and I know so many women that would be great for me, great, but not perfect. I'm not gonna waste anybody's time. I'm not gonna waste my own time and I'm not gonna settle for great. I'm gonna settle for perfect because I believe my perfect person's out there.

• 56:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Perfect for you.

• 56:03Speaker 00

  Perfect for me, my perfect. There's no such thing as a perfect person. Everybody's got their flaws, but my perfect person exists.

• 56:10Speaker 01

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• 57:28Rayna Greenberg?

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• 57:28Speaker 01

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• 58:08Rayna Greenberg?

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• 58:43Speaker 01

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• 58:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Ooh.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Like the, like short sleeve.

• 58:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Excited to see this.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  And like a Kelly green, obviously. And I just think that'll be, look really good, like even tucked into like slacks with a little belt. Just like it's a, you know, quiet luxury.

• 59:04Rayna Greenberg?

  It's luxury.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:05Rayna Greenberg?

  We love the colors, the fit. I just, it's really a lot of great like capsule pieces for your wardrobe too. And they only work with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes, which we love. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince. Go to quince.com slash G G E for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash G G E to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash G G E.

• 59:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 59:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you want kids?

• 59:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you have an age that you are like, this is the age I want to start having children?

• 59:40Speaker 00

  No.

• 59:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Definitely. Okay. So you're open minded about that. So you have time.

• 59:43Speaker 00

  And I'm okay with like adopting, surrogacy, whatever. If my partner, my partner's, let's say too old to have kids by the time we get married and want kids, then we'll adopt, we'll do whatever else we gotta do. Like I'm cool with it.

• 59:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think like you'll find her. I think my, my point is just like, I think.

• 59:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  There's a way to also show that you're like a consistent, stable partner and it doesn't mean it needs to even be in person. Like it's just like, women are like, he's giving vibes, not you necessarily, but like a guy might give vibes. I'm not gonna hear from him for three days, you know, like, and I don't know how you are in dating, but it's just like, you can do those things without, like, is he gonna text you back? You know, I think some of those guys that you feel like you can't pin down, you just feel like they could disappear off the face of the earth.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 1:00:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you're falling for them and you're like, I don't feel secure, you know?

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 1:00:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. And I'm not saying that's you.

• 1:00:27Speaker 00

  No, no, but it's a man's job to make whoever it is they're talking to, they're dating, feel secure. My thing is, and I get what you're saying, and women could look at me and say, this guy's got too much going on, like, I'm not taking this risk. Same time, everything I do in my life, I'm consistent with.

• 1:00:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep, I believe it.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  Everything, like, I'm 34 years old. I have a day job that I've been there for 10 years now, my family business. I've been doing this social media thing for four years. I wrote a book, which I'm not saying that's consistent, because it's the first book I ever wrote, but it was a commitment. I look the way I do at 34 years old, when, you know, most men my age are starting to go the opposite direction of looks. I show up every day at everything I do. That's my resume.

• 1:01:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep, I love it.

• 1:01:02Speaker 00

  That's my resume. And again, if I'm not for you, there's nothing wrong with that. I've had many women that I've pursued that were just like, I, no, it's not gonna work. I'm like, why? What'd I do?

• 1:01:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Too much.

• 1:01:12Speaker 00

  You're too much. Yeah, you're too much. And I made a TikTok about it that went viral. It was like, if I'm too much for you, that's fine. Go get less.

• 1:01:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go find less. I love that sound.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  Go get less. Because I'm gonna find someone that I am perfectly much for. And who knows what it'll look like? But yeah, my, if you saw my ex, like, I'll show you guys offline after. If you saw her socials, and again, just by, I'm not saying social media is a good judge of character, or good judge of who a person is, but you can see a lot of their vibe. And this person, their social media page looked similar to mine. Like, going, doing all these wild things, like, what the fuck? How are you doing that today? And like, when people come to my page, I want them to be like, weren't you in Florida last week? Now you're in LA? You're going on this Girls Gotta Eat podcast, and then you're going back to your construction job on Tuesday? Like, what the fuck?

• 1:01:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have an exciting life. What was that one survey? It was like, they asked people, would you prefer an exciting life or a stable life? And most people say, stable, and I'm going, exciting.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  All day long.

• 1:02:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I want both. Okay. We, I wanna talk about your ex, you know, however much you wanna share. But you said that someone who changed your perception of love inspired the book, and then also sounded like there was a painful breakup involved.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  I mean, obviously. I wrote a book about it. So, um, you know, I met this person. Look, I was single for so long that when you're single for an extended period of time, especially when you've been in relationships and you've had love in your life more than not, When you're that single, you start to question, are you able to love? You start to question, like, is there love in me? Am I the hard one that's hard to love? Like, you question all those things. That's why I'm so thankful for my relationship with her, because she reminded me of my capacity to love. And whenever I signed books, I was writing, "In the depths of heartache, we are reminded of our capacity to love." Because the more heartbroken you are and the more you're hurting, it just means the more you can love. And it's tough to remember, though, especially on your dark days. And that's kind of what inspired the whole book.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  But it was just one of those situations where I was so long, and I'm like, hey, maybe I'm just not meant to meet anybody. And I had those feelings so many times over the last couple of years. And then I met her, and it just like, instant, like, madly in love. I think we said, "I love you," after like, three weeks or something, which is, anyone who knows me, like, I'm like a six-month, "I love you" kind of guy. Like, I'm a, I'm a slow burner. This one, we had our first date, by the end of the day, we're like, we looked at each other at a bar, we're like, can we do this? We're long, like, can we make this work?

• 1:03:25Rayna Greenberg?

  From Toronto to LA?

• 1:03:26Speaker 00

  Toronto to LA. But like, again, we also had a whole bunch of other travel plans, like, preset.

• 1:03:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  So we're like, can we make this work? And we're like, fuck it, let's do this, like. And then ironically, I started three times in the next, like, six weeks. So it reminded me of my capacity to love, and I'm forever thankful for her and for that relationship. It's unfortunate that it didn't work out. It's unfortunate that I had to get my heart broken to be reminded of those things. It's a lesson learned, and I do believe something good came out of it. And I do believe in every relationship, you're taught a lesson, or you're taught something. And I think mine in this one is that I am able to love. And I do have a large capacity to love. And I think the outcome is the book. And who knows, like, I might write another one, I don't know. But I think it's just altered my life in such a massive way, both positively and negatively. But I will be forever thankful for her.

• 1:04:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I love this. And I, thank you for also saying that, like, when you are single for a long time, you do start to think, like, am I no longer lovable? Other people have in the past, but, you know, maybe I'm not lovable anymore. Maybe I've just been doing this on my own for too long, and I am incapable of letting a person in. And you were, Ashley was single for a long time before she met her longtime partner. And I've been single for years now. And I do meet a lot of people, and I, I like them, they're fine. For the time being and I just, nothing has worked out like in a serious manner in a couple of years. And those stats creep in sometimes where I'm just like, maybe it's just not meant to be for me anymore.

• 1:04:47Speaker 00

  And society also tells us that there's something wrong with us once we hit thirty and we're single. That's what society deems us. Oh, why are you single? You're thirty? What's, what's wrong with you? It's like, well, fuck you respectfully. Nothing. Just haven't met my person yet. Some people meet them when they're kids. Some people meet them in high school. Some people meet them in university. Some don't meet them till they're fucking fifty.

• 1:05:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and also those people that say that, that's, that's on them. That's like such a dated narrative.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  You see it all the time. Oh, you're single at thirty-four. You're good looking and have money and you travel. Why are you single? What's wrong with you? It's like, excuse me?

• 1:05:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Other people, it's just the luck of the draw. Don't you think like sometimes people say like, well, you just haven't done the work. And we're, do you know how many people I know in very serious, long-term relationships that have done zero work on themselves? Treat their partner like shit. Get treated like shit. That's just the luck of the draw that you ended up with somebody.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  When people tell me online, oh, you just haven't looked. Excuse me, how many singles events have you been to in the last four? Cause I've been to a fuck ton of them.

• 1:05:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. All I'm doing is looking.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  I'm looking and I'm open to it. And people are like, oh, you just don't want one. I'm like.

• 1:05:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  People, it's all projections. It's like, I can run down the gamut of the crazy things people say. That's just a projection.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Social media too, it's hilarious. It's like, sorry, Janine, who lives in Idaho and her life looks miserable. I don't care what you think.

• 1:05:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, those people give you advice through the lens of their own life experiences. And I understand like somebody's like, well, I've been with my husband for twenty years and here's what. That's great. That works for you. I can't relate to that at all.

• 1:06:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, like, yeah, I'm not with my high school or college sweetheart. We are different.

• 1:06:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:06:14Speaker 00

  And, and I love love too. Like I'm the biggest cheerleader of love. You know, I used to talk more about how being single sucks and all those other things. Like, no, I am the biggest cheerleader of love. Because I want it around me. The more love I have around me, the more likely I am to have love within me and I'm gonna go find love. So I'm the biggest cheerleader. But sometimes I'm just like, shut the fuck up. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up.

• 1:06:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. I agree. Like I think about people with life experiences that are so different than you and like really just shout to the people that realize that. Like my brother and my sister-in-law, they're thirty-five. They've been together since they were twenty-two. They never dated anybody besides the other person. They have never given me dating advice.

• 1:06:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Love it. I don't want it.

• 1:06:48Rayna Greenberg?

  They, they know, they know that they have no fucking business in talking to me about what it's like out here. Okay? And I don't

• 1:06:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I fucking love that.

• 1:06:58Rayna Greenberg?

  You know?

• 1:06:58Speaker 00

  Like, they were never on dating apps. They don't know it. They don't get it.

• 1:07:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that they know they have no business.

• 1:07:02Rayna Greenberg?

  They just, they don't even, every once in a while, my brother would be like, that guy's treating you like shit. Just open your eyes. But like, other than that, neither one of them had the audacity to be like, well, maybe try this. Cause they have no idea what it's like in this world.

• 1:07:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but can you tell us why you broke up? Was it like a distance?

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  So, distance was a key thing.

• 1:07:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 00

  And I've said this recently. When you're dating, like arguably the most beautiful person alive, it is so fucking tough.

• 1:07:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that'll be you or her?

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  No, that was her. That was her. Thank you. I appreciate it. No, so she was always traveling. She's a model. And like, she did all these like cool, really fun, exciting things. You know, I can get insecure too. Like, you know, we are all human. And there were times where I think I just, I needed a little bit more than she was giving. And I, I don't think I communicated it as well as I should have at times. So it's tough. It is tough. Like, it's not like you can just be like, hey, I'm having a shit day. Like, I'm coming over to see you. It's like, hey, I'm having a shit day and you're in, you know, Dubai or something, living your best life. And I just, I want you with me.

• 1:08:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Speaker 00

  So it is tough. Would I date a model again? I don't know. It was tough. Cause again, she is like, again, a 10 out of 10.

• 1:08:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. My fiancee felt the same way as you when we started. That actually was too much. To like be allowed out in public.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, literally. Like my, my, yeah, anyways.

• 1:08:15Rayna Greenberg?

  He thinks that.

• 1:08:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  He does.

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  But you, you want that. You want your partner to think you're the most beautiful person.

• 1:08:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course. He does somehow. I don't know. I mean, I feel the same way. Yeah. Like I look at him and I'm like, oh, I really, really did that.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  Can't wait to fuck him. Like, yeah.

• 1:08:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But no, I'm totally kidding.

• 1:08:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think you hear a lot of men say out loud, like, my partner was so attractive. It made me like feel insecure. And I, good for you for saying that.

• 1:08:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yeah, like, everyone should feel about that with their partner. But then she's traveling all over and she's, you know, doing shoots and all that.

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 1:08:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  It sounds like it was.

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  Because again, if it was, we lived in the same city, it's easy. It's okay. You're gonna be home in two weeks. Like, this is no big deal. But it's like, hey, she was traveling for an extended period. So was I. So it is tricky. Everyone's like, oh, like, why'd you do it at first? But it's like, do you think I decide, hey, I'm gonna love this person from LA? Do you think that was my first thing?

• 1:08:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  No, I met an amazing person. I fell in love and we tried. It didn't work. It is what it is. If I met another person in LA this weekend, fucking right. I would try it all over again. Because that's not the lesson I learned. The lesson I learned wasn't that distance is the reason it didn't work.

• 1:09:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  I learned a different lesson. And I learned that, you know what, in my last communication, maybe I didn't clearly communicate my wants and my needs as well as I should have. And some of that's on me. I'm not saying she didn't have her faults, but I know what I could have done better. The distance is not what would have, you know what I mean? So someone's like, oh, maybe should date in your hometown. It's like, no, maybe I should, maybe I tried and it didn't work. And I learned a lot of lessons dating people in my hometown, too. I will date the person who like makes my heart feel so full, who puts the biggest smile on my face. You know, you see those TikToks and memes all the time, like, date someone that you want to stay on the phone with super late, even though you know you gotta go to work in the morning. Someone that, you know, you smile every time you see their name on your phone. Someone that you hear a song on the radio, you can't wait to send it to them. Like shit like that. That's what I want.

• 1:09:56Rayna Greenberg?

  What did you learn about jealousy and communicating like, I don't like this and how you did communicate it, how you changed it differently in the future?

• 1:10:02Speaker 00

  It's not so much about jealousy. It's what I learned about the communications that you need to clearly communicate your wants and your needs, even if you think it's obvious. And I know like women on the same hand, like same advice goes to that because there's times like, oh, I thought you would know. It's like, no, men don't. Men are stupid. We are literally, when it comes to relationships, we are stupid. You need to like tell us straight. I don't like that you did X, Y, and Z. Not like, you know what, maybe you could have done something differently. It's like, no, spell it out for us.

• 1:10:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Speaker 00

  But on the other side, you know, there are times where I was having a bad day and I'm like, I described my bad day, but I didn't say, I had a bad day. I need you. And it's like, I expected you to be there for me when you didn't even really know I had a bad day. So clear communication and it's okay to be insecure with your partner. It's okay to show that insecurity. Vulnerability, right? You know, the idea and this notion that macho men can't, fuck, I'm gonna go on a rant here, but a couple of days ago, I, someone posted something saying like, men need to toughen up. We need to get back to the old school, traditional men that need to toughen up and be strong. Well, respectfully, I've done everything tough men can do. I've ran marathons. I've done high rocks. I've done Ironmans.

• 1:11:08Speaker 00

  I can bench more than half the fucking world's can. I can do all these, I work in construction. I make more money than the average person. I can do all these. Macho man things.

• 1:11:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:11:17Speaker 00

  I could do all those 10 times out of 10, then read that book in public. Reading that book in public when I did my book launch was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. To share some of your most intimate, vulnerable moments with the world is fucking tough. Having a conversation with your partner, saying, hey, I'm not okay, or hey, you know, I feel insecure because of X, Y, and Z. That's fucking tough. Running marathons is a, okay, not a walk in the park, but it's not nearly as hard as some of these other things. So the whole idea that macho men and men need to, whatever, and like, men shouldn't be emotional and blah, it's too feminine energy. Fuck out of here.

• 1:11:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  I fight with people on my TikTok comments, you're too, your energy's too feminine. I'm like.

• 1:11:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Those people, no.

• 1:11:55Speaker 00

  Fuck out of here, lady.

• 1:11:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Those people are the reason why this country's falling apart. President like we do, yeah. So, no, we just don't subscribe to that at all. But it's funny because it's like very like men will do anything besides go to therapy. Like, you know.

• 1:12:05Speaker 00

  Literally. And it's fucking free in Canada for some people.

• 1:12:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:08Speaker 00

  The first like four sessions are fucking free in Canada.

• 1:12:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  We gotta get to Canada. Can you tell us about the book?

• 1:12:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I, I never in a million years thought I'd write a book, literally, ever. I journal a lot. I started journaling in probably 2016, 2017. I suffered from depression when I was younger. Went to therapy. My therapist got me journaling. And I remember telling her, she's like, you should start journaling. And I'm like, I'm depressing. You want me to start a diary? Like, are you fucking joking me? Get out of here, lady. She's like, no, Rick, it's not a diary. Just write down your thoughts, your feelings, any words that stand out.

• 1:12:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Dear diary.

• 1:12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, dear diary, I'm fucking depressed. The end. Thanks for that. I feel great now. Fuck, wait, come on. So I started journaling a lot and I've, I've always done it, whether it's notes in my phone, whether it's on like my workbooks, whether it's in an actual journal. And I was writing down all my thoughts and my feelings for the last couple of years. And then after the heartbreak, you know, obviously you've got different opinions. And when you're in love, you have different opinions and different thoughts and feelings. And then I started, you know, reading quotes online and saying some quotes. And some were my own, some were just quotes I generally found online that I loved. And someone one day was like, you should write a book. And I've been thinking about like, I've, I've always loved the idea of like, writing something. And I'm just, I'm not that literate, to be honest. I'm not like, I'm really not. And then I was saying, I'm like, fuck, you know what? An author that's not that literate.

• 1:13:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go off.

• 1:13:23Speaker 00

  Well, that's a nice way of poetry. There's no right or wrong way to write it. It's art.

• 1:13:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  You get an editor and they can correct it.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  Actually, no, my editor gave me a bunch of things. I'm like, I don't like the way that visually looks, so I'm not gonna accept that change. She's like, it's grammatically wrong. I'm like, ah, it's art.

• 1:13:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  She's like, it's spelled wrong.

• 1:13:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, spelling, spelling, we changed. Yeah, spelling, we did well. Fucking, I wrote this before I got into chat GPT, so I could have used chat GPT to fucking autocorrect everything. Anyways. But I said, I was like, you know what? I started writing down all these thoughts, all these feelings, all these emotions. And I said, what if I can turn this into like, a book of poems to be your companion on your journey through love? What if like, you know, there's men like me, and I'm sure there's many other men and women who feel bad venting to their friends, who don't feel safe opening up and sharing these stories with their friends. Like, sometimes you feel like you're alone, literally. So the book is meant to be a companion on your journey through love and to know that, hey, you're not alone. It's okay to open up. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to be insecure. Hey, flip through the pages of the book, find something that you resonate with, and write down your feelings. Maybe you don't resonate with anything today. That's fine. It's not meant to be read start to finish.

• 1:14:22Speaker 00

  It's meant to, you know, sit on your nighttime coffee table, nighttime table, and just flip through it when you're in your feels, when you don't feel your relationship with love is strong. Maybe you're in a relationship and you don't feel that, hey, I'm not getting the most out of this relationship. Let's flip to the page, chapter two, when I found someone and I was head over heels in love, and let's remind ourselves what it feels like to be in love. You know, maybe you're fucking heartbroken, don't think you're gonna meet anybody. Okay, well, know that I was too. And know that I felt the same pain that you're going through. Or maybe you're on this journey of like, learning to love yourself again. Like, yeah, there's, there's poems in there for you too. So it's meant to be a companion on your journey through love, whatever stage you are, whatever phase you are. And I'm really proud of it. Of all the things I've done in, in recent years, it's one of the things I'm, I'm most proud of.

• 1:15:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's amazing. Congratulations. Yeah, and I just, I like it. It's like, kinda low commitment, low stakes, pick it up when you need it. You know, I like the term companion.

• 1:15:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Me too. And it gives you something nice to talk to your partners about, you know, cause you, every page has a little place to also write your thoughts.

• 1:15:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that's the idea behind it.

• 1:15:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You could share this with your

• 1:15:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Partner like you could both jot down stuff like I know a couple not gonna embarrass them. But they met and then they both started like journaling back and forth to each other. They both write these entries in this notebook.

• 1:15:28Speaker 00

  No, that's so cute though.

• 1:15:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it was just very cute like she started it and then they both just started like kind of writing in the same book. And so that's why I thought you could do this with your partner because I like the chapter titles. So there's hopeless love, endless love, tortured love, true love, self love.

• 1:15:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's special and a nice activity you can do with your partner and of course we'll tell you guys where to find all of his stuff. But maybe we could talk about men and breakups a little bit. Since this is about heartbreak and you know, I think that when women break up with a partner. It is really usually like you circle the wagons and your friends and your family and your girlfriends. And you spend a lot of time journaling and crying and going to therapy. But for me, I think men's experience in general, it's not for everybody, but it's it's different for men.

• 1:16:13Speaker 00

  I I think women and men process breakups differently. I think women in the short term are more hurt and like they struggle more immediately. But then once they move on, they move on and it's over. Whereas men is the opposite men are like, oh, I'm single now. I'm gonna download dating apps, I'm gonna fuck around, do all those things. And then months later, they're hurting. I think it's like a complete opposite.

• 1:16:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're completely on the nose.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  Women are more short term pain, like in the immediate breakup and then men hurt later. Whereas women don't hurt later. Yeah, literally.

• 1:16:39Rayna Greenberg?

  We had somebody on the show, Connor Beaton, he's I always remember him saying, men, they fuck it out and they drink it out. And that's not the healthiest way to process emotions, maybe for a couple of weeks, sure.

• 1:16:49Speaker 00

  I I was very lucky that one of my last breakups before this, this most recent one, I drank a lot after that one. And it was just like, that's the lifestyle I have like I I live on arguably like the busiest street in Toronto to to go out. I'm always out, I'm always doing fun things. So I was going out three, four times a week. After this breakup, I don't think I drank or fucked for like ever, not ever, obviously. But like I quit drinking, cut it down completely. I was like cold plunging every day, like going for walks, like stretching, working out. I got in the most wholesome era ever because I was just like, I need to focus on me or else it'll be exactly what happened to me five years ago. Where I just drink, you're going out chasing tail and you're trying to do all these like stupid things where it's like, that doesn't help you. You're just gonna hurt longer. And when you do that, you end up. I don't want to say you end up hating your ex, but you blame them for everything.

• 1:17:34Speaker 00

  It's like, sometimes it's not your ex's fault it didn't work out. It's just, hey, maybe right person, wrong time, or maybe just there's things outside of your control that didn't make it work. You shouldn't have to hate your exes. And when you end up drinking and do all these other things, that's when the relationships get like, really hatred. You know what I mean? Like, if you're like, both trying to get back at each other, doing things to like spite each other, that's, hey, I did my own thing, she did her own thing, we are cool now. And it's nice that like, every time I speak about her, I speak very highly of her, like, again, amazing person, and I've never said a bad thing about her, ever, probably. So it's really nice to know that like, I still care about her, like, in that sense, and it didn't tarnish my relationship with her, and like, I would hope she would say nice things about me too, because like, I wasn't doing all these stupid things that I would have done in my twenties.

• 1:18:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm-hmm. It is really is fascinating. I mean, I think women get to work immediately. And we also have the circle around us. I mean, I don't know, I feel for anybody, man or woman, who doesn't have those people that are really gonna pick you up off the floor, and like, invite you to dinner, and cook for you, or do the workout classes, go to yoga, like, do, cry with you on the couch, you know? And women have a lot more of that. We're able to get that pain out of our body, with whatever it is. Again, just like, the crying, the talking, the peloton.

• 1:18:43Speaker 00

  The talking's the biggest thing, right?

• 1:18:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:45Speaker 00

  Men, after a breakup, well, now, maybe there's a shift, but before it was always like, okay, oh, you got dumped, let's go to the bar, let's go find someone.

• 1:18:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:18:52Speaker 00

  It's like, how is that the first thing that comes out of your mind every time? Sometimes it's like, yo, I'm fucking heartbroken. I just want you to listen. But again, men are, and I hate saying this, like, sometimes men are scared to talk about their emotions, because it's not manly. It's like, hey, well, you know what? It is now.

• 1:19:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly.

• 1:19:07Speaker 00

  Maybe there's a, needs to be a shift in the world, because if more men supported their friends, and their, their brothers, and their, you know, male friends, like women supported their, themselves, you know, maybe we'd have less broken men, and broken men just hurt women. You see this cycle all the time, like, girl hurts boy, boy hurts girl, boy gets hurt again, hurts another girl, it's like, hurt people hurt people. And you hate saying that, like, I don't want to use this example, like, I love Zac Brown, like, I fucking love Zac Brown. What, like, this whole story, and you only hear one side right now, but it's fucking bad. I don't know if you guys know the story of the chicken fried, like, Zac Brown?

• 1:19:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we talked about it.

• 1:19:40Speaker 00

  It's, it's fucking bad. And I love Zac Brown, like, I love his music. And I'm just like, fuck, man, like, ugh, how do I, fuck.

• 1:19:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:48Rayna Greenberg?

  How do I separate the musician from the person?

• 1:19:50Speaker 00

  I try to, but sometimes you're like, Kay, like, that's not what I stand for, right?

• 1:19:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:54Speaker 00

  That's... You know, that's some poor young woman that didn't take this payout so that she could be a face for all the women who had to take the pay on the virus because it's a fuck ton of money.

• 1:20:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:04Speaker 00

  So anyways, I know that's a completely different conversation.

• 1:20:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I didn't know where this was going. I was like, oh no.

• 1:20:08Rayna Greenberg?

  And he was like, I support everything he did. I thought you were gonna be like, you didn't hear his side of the story.

• 1:20:13Speaker 00

  No, no, it's like, yo, like, I hurt, hurt people, hurt people. It's like, you know, instead of us just continuous like perpetuating cycle, it's like, hey, let's open up, let's talk about it so that we heal. So we don't hurt the next person just because we're not fucking whole. The next person I date isn't gonna get any of the bullshit of the hurtness or the heartbrokenness from my ex because I healed. I fixed myself. Or I did the best to.

• 1:20:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think that's a great place to end.

• 1:20:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, this is really wonderful.

• 1:20:38Speaker 00

  I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on. You guys are amazing.

• 1:20:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're great. This is so fun.

• 1:20:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Was this the most fun podcast you've done?

• 1:20:44Speaker 00

  Yes. Do you know, it's just like in the background story behind it too, like so many of my friends like, you go to what, with those girls? I was like, yeah, with those girls.

• 1:20:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:51Speaker 00

  You guys are great though. Thank you so much. I love your studio. I love your space. Thank you for having me on.

• 1:20:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course.

• 1:20:55Speaker 00

  If you guys are ever in Toronto, you guys gotta come on mine.

• 1:20:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Absolutely.

• 1:20:58Rayna Greenberg?

  We love Toronto so much.

• 1:20:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, I will be in Toronto.

• 1:21:00Rayna Greenberg?

  She has a show there.

• 1:21:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  My shows in Toronto are July 18th and 19th. Guys, get tickets. They're going very fast.

• 1:21:06Speaker 00

  Where are you selling them?

• 1:21:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  The Comedy Bar. I have four shows there.

• 1:21:09Speaker 00

  Yeah? Amazing. Okay, so we'll get you on mine when you come into July.

• 1:21:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Let's do it, yeah.

• 1:21:12Speaker 00

  I'll show you around the city.

• 1:21:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, perfect.

• 1:21:14Speaker 00

  We'll have fun. You should come too.

• 1:21:15Rayna Greenberg?

  We love Toronto. We love performing there. We love visiting there. We're huge fans.

• 1:21:19Speaker 00

  Toronto, and I gotta stop talking shit about it because I do love it to my core.

• 1:21:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  We all talk shit about our city.

• 1:21:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, we all do.

• 1:21:25Rayna Greenberg?

  You're fun there.

• 1:21:26Speaker 00

  So I said one of the things though, like I said, if you think dating in your hometown is bad, you're part of the problem. So if I think Toronto is bad, that means I'm part of the problem. So I'm gonna, one of my goals now is to be part of the solution. So I'm gonna do whatever I can to make Toronto.

• 1:21:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Great again.

• 1:21:41Rayna Greenberg?

  To be the change you wanna see.

• 1:21:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, be the change you wanna see. I just wanna, I wanna make Toronto fun again, I guess. I don't know how to say it.

• 1:21:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Make Toronto great again. We'll wear a blue hat. Well, where can people find your TikTok, Instagram, book?

• 1:21:52Speaker 00

  It's yourpalrick on all socials. Yourpalrick, exactly how it's spelt. The book is Our Heartbreak Love on Instagram. The Pals Podcast, Pals Podcast, just like that. So come follow me, come join me for whatever crazy adventure I'm going to be on in the week this gets released.

• 1:22:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. And come see all of us in July, Toronto, on the streets with Drake. And girlsgottaeat.com for everything that we do. Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am ashess.com if you want those tickets. Raina is Rayna Greenberg on Instagram. Subscribe on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye.