‘Out for Justice’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

Has anybody seen Richie? The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt need to find Richie before rewatching the 1991 action classic ‘Out for Justice,’ starring Steven Seagal and William Forsythe. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Video Producer: Jon Jones Shopping. Streaming. Savings. It’s on Prime Visit Amazon.com/prime to get more out of whatever you’re into. This episode is sponsored by State Farm®. A State Farm agent can help you choose the coverage you need. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.® Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:25Speaker 01

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• 0:37Speaker 02

  I needed more from my antidepressant, so my doctor added Caplyta lumateperone, proven to provide greater relief from depression symptoms than an antidepressant alone, building on my progress without starting over. Caplyta is for adults with major depressive disorder when used with an antidepressant and is available by prescription only. Individual results may vary. In clinical trials, weight gain was not common.

• 0:57Speaker 01

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• 1:24Speaker 02

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• 1:30Bill Simmons?

  The Rewatchables is brought to you by The Ringer Podcast Network. I'm Bill Simmons. Kyle Brandt is here. Great to see you. Hope your offseason of the NFL is going fantastic. And we've done, um, this will be our third

• 1:44Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:45Bill Simmons?

  Steven Seagal movie. It is called Out for Justice, part of the three-word titles. We're also doing Seagal out of order, which I can't wait to talk about. But it's your favorite of the collection. This is it. This is if they asked you to director's commentary of any Steven Seagal movie. This would be it. With no football, did this give you the fuel post-draft that you needed to just survive as you headed into the summer?

• 2:11Speaker 04

  The Super Bowl was terrible. The Eagles destroyed the Chiefs. This is way, way better. And I got fired up, Bill. I walked around the neighborhood today, just hitting people in the face with a cue ball and in a towel. It was awesome. So I'm ready to go right now.

• 2:23Bill Simmons?

  Did you have a guy named Sticks and a guy named Tattoo with you or no?

• 2:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Sticks guy had sticks and the Tattoo guy was covered in tattoos. That's my crew up here in the burbs. I am so excited to do this movie. This is a big one.

• 2:35Bill Simmons?

  Well, we're gonna take a break. We're gonna run the trailer and then Out for Justice is next.

• 2:41Speaker 05

  Steven Seagal. He can take a compliment. This guy's good, Richie. He can take an insult. One of these days, your wise mouth is gonna get the rest of your body in a whole lot of trouble. He can even take a punch.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  But what this cop's really best at is taking out the garbage. Steven Seagal, Out for Justice. Rated R. Now playing at a theater near you.

• 3:10Bill Simmons?

  This episode of the Rewatchables is presented to you by Amazon Prime. Prime is more than just fast delivery. It's also where you can dive deep into your favorite movie genres with Prime Video and get what you need fast to fuel your obsession. You also, if you, if you watch a movie in Amazon Prime, you can click down and see the actors in each scene for a lot of the movies, which is great. Snacks for movie night, a new book on film theory. It's all there too on Amazon Prime. Whatever it is, Prime helps you get more out of whatever passions you're into or getting into. Head to amazon.com/prime and follow your obsession wherever it goes.

• 4:00Bill Simmons?

  All right, here we go. Special request by Kyle Brand. We did not have him on Big Ass Seventies Month. It's been a while since we've done a rewatchables. I sent you a list and every time I send you a list, you just, you swat the list away by Mutombo, like to come to Mutombo and you go, "Let's do Out for Justice. Why aren't we doing Out for Justice? How have we not done it yet?" You've been so passionate about it. It's almost like Tom Cruise. It's your version of Scientology. Why?

• 4:27Speaker 04

  Because I've been lobbying this for five years. Bill, you and I did our first rewatchables in 2020. It was Teen Wolf. It was COVID. It was all that. And I'm like, after Teen Wolf, I'm like, now that we've done that, how about Out for Justice? And five years later, we're still doing it because it's my favorite Seagal movie, because it's the most Seagal of the Seagal movies. And let me just put it in the rewatchables, what we've done. So we've done Hard to Kill, which we love, but it's idiotic and we make fun of it. We've done Under Siege, but Seagal is not the star of Under Siege. The set pieces are. And then Tommy Lee Jones steals it at the end. Seagal has no ponytail. He's kind of understated. And then we get to this, Out for Justice, and it's just, give me an Unmugged and a shotgun.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  And it is full off-the-leash Seagal, and it's so fun to watch. I'm so happy.

• 5:15Bill Simmons?

  So we did Hard to Kill because I had been obsessed with that movie since college, when he wakes up out of the five-year coma and here's the guy goes, "I'm gonna take you to the bank, the blood bank." And then immediately gets back in incredible shape so he can fight, even though he's been in a coma. And I really wanted to talk about that with you. Under Siege is a classic.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 5:35Bill Simmons?

  As you mentioned, I think he's in it 41 minutes. Here's why Out for Justice, and I'm so glad you rekindled my love for this movie. And I watched it twice in the last four days, and I'd seen it a bunch of times on cable. We did Cobra together.

• 5:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:49Bill Simmons?

  Which I think is one of the best ones we've ever done. And one of the reasons we enjoyed it so much is it was sliced alone. It was kind of his version of Apex Mountain where it's just like, nobody's saying no to anything. He's just, it's Sly Stallone running amok for an entire action movie and nobody telling him like, you shouldn't do that. I don't know if that's a good idea. He's just left to his own devices, running amok. And that's Cigali and Alfred Justice. He is out of control. Some of the research for it is fantastic. Just how out of control he was. He really seems to think he's Italian?

• 6:26Speaker 04

  I know. You couldn't have put it better. It's, the Cobra thing was, we were like, there's a part where Cobra, where he takes a piece of pizza out and cuts it with scissors and eats it. And no one was like, Sly, that doesn't make any fucking sense. You can't do that. Case in point. You can't roll up to a murder scene as a narcotics cop with a fucking beret and a sleeveless shirt. It doesn't make sense. But no one was like, Steve, are you sure you should wear that beret?

• 6:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  I like the beret. The beret stays. There's no one who could tell him no. And the reason why, Bill, is because he's fucking cranking out hits right now. He is cranking out number one movies every

• 7:07Bill Simmons?

  Yes.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  single time. And it's like, you can't tell him no, because everything he says is turning to gold.

• 7:13Bill Simmons?

  It's the fourth of the Cigali movies. And we have not done Above the Law yet. It's looming.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 7:20Bill Simmons?

  It's not like we're not going to do Above the Law, but that was the first one. And that, we told the story in the previous Cigali pods, that he was a martial arts instructor for Mike Ovitz, who was the most famous agent in Hollywood. And he somehow decided you should be in a movie. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, all these guys were super duper expensive. It's like, what if we could just create our own version of those guys? Which somehow they did. So he makes Above the Law in 88, successful. Hard to Kill in 90, Mason Storm, successful. Also that, was that the one where we have the intimacy coordinator, right?

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He goes way over the line in that movie with an actress we've never heard from since, because she's probably a pat itself.

• 7:57Bill Simmons?

  It's a, she's just under a series of NDAs with Cigali.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 8:03Bill Simmons?

  He does Mark for Death.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 8:07Bill Simmons?

  Probably the weakest of these first five.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Number one movie in America, Bill.

• 8:11Bill Simmons?

  Number one again.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  Him and Screwface. It's all hits.

• 8:15Bill Simmons?

  Hard to Kill and Mark for Death, both 1990. And at that point, they're like, what's next, Steve?

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, whatever you want.

• 8:20Bill Simmons?

  You know what's next for me? I'm fascinated by The Godfather, Italians, Brooklyn. I was a big Welcome Back, Cotter fan at one point in time. I would like to play Gino Torino and go into that world. And if I can wear a beret and look like Curtis Lee on the Guardian Angels bonus. And also, nobody can land a punch at me for my four straight movie.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  Ever, ever. And understand, this movie, what you just described, stupid shit you just laid out. Number one movie in America, two weeks in a row. And let's remember the context of 91. This is a year we're doing Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, Point Break, Home Alone, City Slicker, just bangers. Like cinema is massive. And for two straight weeks, until it was knocked out by Ninja Turtles, this was the number one movie in the world. And it started in Brooklyn with Gino Fellino. And it's, people liked it. People can't, the critics fucking hated it. We'll get into it. But people were paying money to see this guy. And I was one of them.

• 9:19Bill Simmons?

  $14 million budget, made 39.6 million, and then was on cable for the next, I would say, 20 years straight. So probably even more than that. And as you said, the critics hated it. They hated Seagal. There, this was already, there's pieces, I think he's hosting SNL right around this time, where he became the most reviled host in SNL history. The arrogance that he has during this movie is, you can't believe it. You can't believe it. Cobra, it's funny, because I really thought we peaked with Cobra, but we just didn't. He just adopts a dog randomly during the movie. He goes into a pool bar, he fights 15 guys.

• 9:59Bill Simmons?

  Nobody lands a punch on him. He's divorced, but then seemingly just gets his wife back over the course of 60 seconds.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  She says one nice thing to him and he goes, we talking reconciliation over here. And then they're back together. And also, like the Stallone thing with Cobra, he has a lot of skins on the wall, Sly. He's done all of The Rocky and he's done Rambo. It's like, I'm gonna do this crazy thing. Seagal's first acting experience was Above the Law. Never any little cameo, never some sitcom walk-on. He had never done anything until he was the star of a movie. That's almost unheard of.

• 10:36Bill Simmons?

  So he plays Nico Discani in Above the Law.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:39Bill Simmons?

  His first foray into pretending he was Italian, but he's just not Italian. Then he's Mason Storm, great name. He plays Hatcher in Mark for Death.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Yep. Hatcher.

• 10:50Bill Simmons?

  And he just couldn't get the Italian out of his system. And he had to be Gino Fellino. I like, first of all, did he come up with that? Was there a spitball session?

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Right.

• 11:02Bill Simmons?

  Did he like the name Gino? Is he a Papa Gino's guy? How do we even get to that point? And why did they think it should rhyme?

• 11:09Speaker 04

  Um, so great question. Uh, Gino Toretta was, I think, big at the time. The, the, the Miami Hurricanes quarterbacks, I think that could have been an inspiration.

• 11:17Bill Simmons?

  Why not just name him Gino Toretta?

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Fine. Gino Toretta would have been a better name. The thing with Gino Fellino is it's, it's a fictional character. You can name him anything you want. You're not married to the name. They, of all the options they picked, they went with Gino Fellino. And the Italian thing is so fun in this because as we've talked about, we've seen Seagal as like, he's Italian here. We've seen him as Japanese. We're going to see him as Native American. He's Russian now.

• 11:43Bill Simmons?

  We're doing that too, and under the ground.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll do that. And I think in 2025, he's Russian. I think at one point he was also black. So he's done it all. Like they say, Daniel Day is the chameleon, but Seagal will play any ethnicity or race ever. And he is playing the shit out of the Italian here. It's so turned up. It's out of control.

• 12:01Bill Simmons?

  One of the fun things about how we watchable this movie is he really Italians it up for the first 15 minutes.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 12:09Bill Simmons?

  It's like he, he was in acting class or he was practicing it in front of a mirror. So when this movie kicks off, he's like this.

• 12:18Bill Simmons?

  And then about the 45 minute mark, he starts sounding more like Seagal.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  It's so true.

• 12:22Bill Simmons?

  With like a little, and he just, he never lands on what the accent should be. But that first 15 minutes where he's basically singing his dialogue. Is there a cop, man? Who the fuck are you? Why are you doing this?

• 12:33Speaker 04

  It reminds me of the Costner Prince of Thieves where occasionally he'll just do a scene in British for some reason. But when Seagal is doing it, he's like, his acting coach is like, Steve, try to be the most Italian person who ever lived. It's like Roberto Benigni meets Chef Boyardee with like some Super Mario. Like it's a me, a Gino, A, it's so much. Take it easy, Steve, but he doesn't.

• 12:58Bill Simmons?

  See, my, my theory in this is he watched the fir-, the first Godfather movie, Ends of the Baker.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 13:04Bill Simmons?

  When he cut, we see him in the beginning, or Enzo the florist, whatever he was. And then he comes in later when the Godfather's been shot.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:13Bill Simmons?

  And Michael Corleone is trying to figure out why there's no guards for his dad. And he's like, it's me, it's Enzo. And he just has that Italian thing. And I think Seagal's like, I think that's the accent.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  I know. And he goes so big.

• 13:23Bill Simmons?

  Nobody in Brooklyn has an accent this crazy. Like, nobody. And what's funny is in the research, William Forsythe, who's great in this movie, he's the bad guy.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Richie.

• 13:32Bill Simmons?

  Seagal, at one point, gives him pointers. He's like, I think that your Brooklyn accent, I think it needs some work. Here are my thoughts. And Forsythe's like, my accent needs, Forsythe was from Brooklyn. It was actually how we talked. And he was like, you're giving me pointers at a Brooklyn accent?

• 13:50Bill Simmons?

  But that's how reviled Seagal was. He has so much power and sway that one of the stories in the research, that's too good to wait for half a second.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, give it, what do you got? I love this stuff.

• 14:00Bill Simmons?

  He, he feels like Forsythe is stealing the movie from him. And one of the reasons this movie's only an hour twenty seven is because there's multiple Forsythe scenes cut.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  Oh, it's great.

• 14:12Bill Simmons?

  Because Seagal saw some cut of it and was like, I think we need to tone down Forsythe.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Cause he's too good.

• 14:18Bill Simmons?

  I think, I think he's dialing it up too much. Like basically, like, but basically, so Forsythe has multiple scenes and you can see it in the trailer and then the commercials. There's extra scenes that they just, they just cut.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  So can you, I'm trying to think of a comp. Can you imagine they're shooting The Dark Knight? And Bale goes to Nolan and is like, Heath is stealing the movie, Chris. You've got to cut his scenes. It's a bloody Batman movie, not Joker. Cause he was so insecure because Ledger was stealing the movie. And that is a perfect Seagal anecdote. This guy that we found to play the villain in my stupid movie is killing it. So take him out. And he's from Brooklyn, so now I'm insecure and he's gonna make fun of my accent? Get him out. And yet he's the best part of the movie. Richie's amazing.

• 15:04Bill Simmons?

  I've tried to do this with old rewatchables episodes. I told, I talked to Craig. I was like, we've got to cut out like 20 minutes of Rosillo in the town. Just cut out a lot of his best parts. He's upstaging me. Like, I can't imagine what kind of ego you would have to have to, instead of thinking, the villain in this movie is so good, it will make the movie much better, to Seagal immediately being threatened by it. It was like, we gotta cut some of these guys scenes.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Listen, it's a classic, classic trend. Let's not, listen, how badly did Tom Brady want Jimmy Garoppolo off the Patriots? Let's call it what it is. It's, this guy is good. He's probably better looking than me. He's younger than me. Get him the fuck out of here. And he was gone and never heard from in New England again. That's the kind of thing that happens.

• 15:44Bill Simmons?

  So Forsythe, and you can feel it the more you watch this movie, because there's a 25 minute stretch where Seagal's like, has anyone seen Richie? But we don't have, we're missing like two Forsythe scenes. And every time it goes to Forsythe, it's like, I couldn't be more interested. This guy's a fucking crack cocaine homicide maniac. When he kills that lady in the car, that's clearly, I'll do an award now. That's clearly the, okay, motherfucker. Yeah, that's like, whoa, he just fucking killed this poor lady who's just trying to make a right. And then we don't see him for 20 minutes.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  So this is the first R rated movie I ever saw in the theater. I was 12 years old and I went with my dad. And so he kills Bobby and that sucks and it's really intense. And I'd seen shit like that before. Two seconds later, when he drags that soccer mom out of the station wagon and blows her head off, I was so disturbed and so scared. And to this day, it's really fucked up to watch, but it's the most important part of the movie. Because for the rest of the movie, you're terrified of Richie, because he's a psychopath and he doesn't care what happens to him. That movie, that's a classic, okay, motherfucker. This, that's lets you know, this isn't some bullshit marked for death. It's not hard to kill. This is out for justice and we're breaking the rules here. That's why this movie is amazing. It's gritty as shit. Let's not forget, Bill, the opening frames of the

• 17:02Speaker 04

  movie are a man beating the shit out of a pregnant woman while Seagal watches. Like, it is really, really dark and on the edge. It's not, I'm out of a coma and I have a fake mustache, you know?

• 17:15Bill Simmons?

  These are all great points. I almost have nothing to add. I do wanna, I do wanna do a little extra on Seagal though.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Let's go.

• 17:22Bill Simmons?

  Cause I was trying to think during this one, especially to watch this movie twice in three days is like a real sickness. You could say it's for your job. I could have watched it once and tried to cut corners.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  You wanted to.

• 17:33Bill Simmons?

  I was like, I kinda wanna watch this the second time.

• 17:38Bill Simmons?

  I don't know what this says about me as a human being. And I don't really feel this way anymore with a lot of people because I think our culture is so self-aware now. Of at all times, we're just constantly self-aware with, with very few exceptions, like Stan Van Gundy is not self-aware. Like he'll just, just, just, just talk for three hours during a basketball game and he's just

• 18:00Bill Simmons?

  not, not aware that we're might, maybe, maybe tone it back.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Stan or Jeff? Which one's self-aware? Cause I feel like Jeff.

• 18:06Bill Simmons?

  Jeff is self-aware. Stan doesn't seem to be self-aware enough. Regardless, we had this era of eighties, nineties where you have all of these stars who were just not self-aware. That's kinda my unintentional comedy sweet spot.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I know.

• 18:21Bill Simmons?

  I love it the most. I always felt like one of the things with Arnold, he was always aware.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  Smart.

• 18:26Bill Simmons?

  He was always like, this is how I'm perceived. This is what I'm gonna dole out. I always felt like this was one of the most interesting things about Mike Tyson, who was, you know, a maniac. But I always felt like he understood how he was being perceived. And then you take Stallone who loses his mind because he comes too famous. And then over here is Seagal. Who is such an egomaniac without the same kind of success. But has no idea that he's a maniac. And that scene, I put it on the rewatchables Twitter feed. When he's just walking through, doing anyone seen Richie? And the camera's coming close to him and I don't know how you don't do a second take of that. It's like, this is too over the top, Steve.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  I know.

• 19:07Bill Simmons?

  You just come off like a huge douchebag. Like you're the star of the movie. You're sure you wanna do this. And he's just like, no, run it. I really like it. I like the way that camera looks.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  I think you're on to something of also why this movie is so fun. I think this is when Seagal landed on the self-awareness. This is the, they had a few ramp-up movies. This is a full Seagal movie where he's in almost every scene. He's very serious. And I think like Schwarzenegger was literally a politician. Like, he became the governor because he was tactical and smart. Seagal was this martial arts guy who stumbled into a movie career, and I think now is when he's like, I'm a star. Every shot needs to be about me. The, the SNL thing, we've talked about a lot, and it's so amazing. The, Odenkirk tells this story about Seagal that is so perfect, and Odenkirk's writing at the time, and he's writing a Hans and Franz sketch. Hans and Franz, huge deal at the time. Seagal's gonna be in it. He presents it to Seagal, and Seagal says,

• 20:00Speaker 04

  "If I do the sketch, if I have to beat up Hans and Franz at the end of it." And that's Steven Seagal. It's these two morons in stuffed sweatsuits, and it's Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon, but he's like, "I won't do the sketch unless at the end of it, I beat them up." And I know we're gonna talk about how Seagal doesn't take hits in these movies. It's all intentional. It's all part of his plan, that like, "I always win." And it's just insecurity and ego, and this movie is the apex of it, I think.

• 20:28Bill Simmons?

  By the way, that's one of the things, it's not just about movies. Even like in podcasting, you have to be able to sell other people.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  I know.

• 20:36Bill Simmons?

  And you win if the, if the episode's good, or if the podcast is good. And the people that don't understand that usually have bad podcasts, or podcasts you don't ultimately wanna listen to or go on. Seagal, it's a zero-sum game. So, the Forsythe thing is so funny, because he's threatened, because Forsythe might upstage him. Now, he's not thinking about, "This is actually great for my movie."

• 21:00Speaker 04

  I know.

• 21:00Bill Simmons?

  But it's the same thing with the fights. He, he's the only action star out of all these movies, really ever, that is never threatened. The way he basically approaches his career as an action movie star is like Goldberg in the WCW, or Ultimate Warrior, where it's, "I come out, the crowd goes nuts, I clothesline somebody a couple times, they, they sell everything I do, and then I pin them, and I never even take a punch." And he, he thought that was his career.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  I know.

• 21:30Bill Simmons?

  He, one guy hits him with a stick, with a pool cue.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 21:33Bill Simmons?

  Out of the 15 people.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 21:35Bill Simmons?

  So, one time he takes a hit.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  I know.

• 21:38Bill Simmons?

  But I don't know why, but why wouldn't he think like it's actually better for the fight scenes? Maybe if it looks like I'm in trouble a couple of times. He's like, I never want to be in trouble. It's a sign of weakness.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Especially since there is a money making number one movie in the world template right now. Arnold, Sly, Van Damme, get the shit kicked out of them and they're drooling bloody pulps. And then they make a comeback. Seagal said, no, no, no, I'm not gonna do that. And it's like, when you don't have any risk of being hurt, like what is the, what is the stakes? There's, and I can bring this up now, Bill, because now that you've done the Star Wars rewatchables, you're like one of, you're like one of ours now, like a friend of ours instead of a friend of mine.

• 22:19Bill Simmons?

  It really won me over. I'm almost, I'm thinking about Empire.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Dude.

• 22:22Bill Simmons?

  But maybe diving into that pretty soon.

• 22:24Speaker 04

  We could do a side podcast. I would do a podcast about the Star Wars. I was so proud of you guys. It was such a triumph and it had my favorite thing that happens in the rewatchables universe is when you take fantasy to a part where he's just kind of too uncomfortable and is looking to move past the topic. When you were talking about Chewbacca's balls and shitting and fantasy is like, oh, let's move on. I was like, no, stay with this. I want to talk about Chewbacca taking shits on the Falcon. I want to hear about this. So I loved it. I loved it. But there's this, there's a classic moment with, um, where George Lucas is showing off to Steven Spielberg, the new droids that would be in the prequels. And he says to them, yeah, the Jedis will cut through these like butter. And all the fans are like, that's not an enemy. If the Jedis can beat them with zero resistance,

• 23:07Speaker 04

  there's no stakes. And Seagal kind of has that. He won't even so much as take a punch and then make a comeback. His face is clean after fighting 15 guys. That's him.

• 23:17Bill Simmons?

  So do you think Chewbacca had an asshole or no?

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Not only do I think he had one, Bill, it's a great question. I think Chewbacca took disgusting, huge Wookiee shits. And I'll tell you that because Chewbacca is an eater, because in episode six, Return of the Jedi, he falls into a trap that the Ewoks set where there's meat hanging. He grabs it. They get in the net and then Han Solo says, always thinking with your stomach. So Chewie likes to eat and I bet he has destroyed the Millennium Falcon laboratory before. So yes, I think he has all that stuff and it's, it's a disgusting Wookiee dumps that he takes.

• 23:48Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Listen, if you're gonna eat, if you're gonna eat human food, it's somehow has to leave your body at some point. It's just the law, law of digestion. Couple more Steven Seagal things that I wrote down.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  I love this.

• 24:04Bill Simmons?

  Well, it's just if you're just talking about like just small pieces, little breadcrumbs that he that he spreads through the movie. At one point, he says, Madone, Madone, which is usually the Italians say Madone.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:20Bill Simmons?

  But he does like the Madone, like he he mangles that, but feels like he had to do it because he's Italian. There's a baseball dad moment.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  Oh, come on, come on.

• 24:31Bill Simmons?

  That's the most disappointing non film scene, I think, of the 90s.

• 24:35Speaker 04

  I know.

• 24:35Bill Simmons?

  He's got the glove, he's holding it. He's holding it like I don't, I don't know what his arm's doing, but it's not kind of how you hold it.

• 24:43Speaker 06

  Damn it, Bill, you stole my flex category.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  All right, come on, Craig.

• 24:46Bill Simmons?

  Oh, do it, Craig, do it now. Come on, Zoom. Just just join us right now.

• 24:50Speaker 06

  Okay, my flex category is the Tom Cruise award for the most valiant attempt to emulate a normal human, and it's Seagal acting like he knows how to play catch with his son, which has which includes the quote when his son walks out, you got the mitt, I got the ball, you got the bat, let's go.

• 25:09Bill Simmons?

  So I had the Ed Norton reverse dunk award for did this movie need to have a random sports scene crammed into it?

• 25:16Speaker 04

  I know.

• 25:17Bill Simmons?

  Just take us to the park.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  I know.

• 25:19Bill Simmons?

  Why does the son have a bat? Who plays catch with an eight year old where it's like, yeah, take some cuts?

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 25:26Speaker 06

  Like, are you hitting grounders to him? I don't know.

• 25:28Bill Simmons?

  They have a baseball. What is he just going to be pelting line drives into crowds? I wanted to see Seagal, Kyle, I wanted to see him throw a baseball so badly that I hadn't seen this movie in a couple of years when he got the glove. I was like, I can't remember, does he have a catch? I was like, I was out of my mind.

• 25:47Speaker 06

  I wanted to ask you guys, you guys have seen every Seagal movie. Does he play sports in any movie ever?

• 25:51Speaker 04

  Nah, no, no martial arts. Yes, he plays the sport of martial arts, Craig. And I, listen, the real shame of the murder of Bobby Lupo was not that he was killed in front of his wife and kids, is that it just interrupted us getting to see Steven Frederick Seagal throw a baseball. I have a feeling that Seagal would have made Tom Cruise look like Pedro Martinez. We needed to see that shit so bad. You don't go and hit grounders with your son with one baseball. You gotta bring a bucket. It's ridiculous.

• 26:22Bill Simmons?

  Right. You need at least 10 baseballs.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  And the the itinerary, like the the the listing of items that you hit on Craig. It's so, you've never done this before. Let's see, baseball, bat, ball, glove. I had this unanswerable question.

• 26:36Bill Simmons?

  Bring your bat, Bobby.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, you got a bat, I got a ball. It's baseball. My unanswerable question was, has Steven Seagal ever in his life ever held a baseball in his hand? Let alone thrown one. And I don't know what the answer, I think it may be no.

• 26:48Bill Simmons?

  I love where, we've just thrown away all the categories, because one of my unanswerable questions is, would the greatest scene of the 90s have been, there was a cop softball game, like at the five minute mark, and Seagal's playing short, but he's wearing like his beret and his sleepless outfit.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  And he has the ponytail out the back of his little beret.

• 27:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's basically the Cruz Few Good Men, but it's Seagal and Bobby's on the team and a bunch of the cops and Seagal, of course, would have to hit the game winning grand slam.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 27:17Bill Simmons?

  And like pick up his son around third base.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  Hey, batter, batter, batter. Hey.

• 27:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he's pitching, he's pitching, he's doing like this crazy underhand thing where they have to cut to the stunt man throwing the ball. Like it's, it would have been the greatest six minutes in the 90s.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  How about when he hits one in the gap and he's running around the bases and he's running second like this and sliding into home and they're sending Seagal. Oh, we need that. God damn.

• 27:40Speaker 06

  There's just never been a more inauthentic sport scene and he's not even playing sports in the scene.

• 27:44Bill Simmons?

  No, even the way he's on the phone, just the way he's holding the mitt, it's just clear he had never held a baseball glove ever in his life.

• 27:52Speaker 06

  I got the ball, you got the bat, let's go.

• 27:55Bill Simmons?

  The glove's too small. He looks like he's in the 1920s, playing with like Roger Hornsby. Like immediately, he should have been like, I need a bigger glove. This glove's too small. I can barely fit my hand in it. But he's never touched a baseball glove. So he doesn't know.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  No, he's got Shoeless Joe's glove and they're walking out to have a catch. And it's the whole scene is like, did you finish your homework? No. All right, who cares? Let's go play catch. Come on. And he doesn't know what he's doing. His dad never played catch with him. It's so, it's such a great call, Craig.

• 28:25Bill Simmons?

  Well, it has, it also says Craig doesn't have kids yet. He will at some point. I have over under for, I'm gonna say two and a half kids over under for Craig. I would also bet the alt three and a half on Fanduel for plus 150. It feels like you have inside info, but okay. Yeah, I bet the alt. But when, when you have kids, they have this scene before they play baseball where, where, what's the kid's name? Bobby?

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Tony.

• 28:51Bill Simmons?

  Tony?

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, his name's Tony.

• 28:52Bill Simmons?

  Tony walks by a cigar. He's like, go, let's go get your stuff.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:55Bill Simmons?

  And then he just kicks him in the ass.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 28:58Bill Simmons?

  Did you notice that?

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 28:59Bill Simmons?

  I've never, in a million years, would just kick my son in the ass as they walk by me. It's like Seagal had like never been around a little kid before.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:08Bill Simmons?

  Say, well, how do I react? Maybe I'll kick him in the ass.

• 29:11Speaker 04

  By the way, Bill, he, he only sees his son one weekend out of the month per his agreement.

• 29:16Bill Simmons?

  Cause he kicks him.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:17Bill Simmons?

  Probably the court's decided, you know, it's abusive.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  It wasn't because he's wrapped up in his job. It's because he actually kicks the child and that actually kicked him on one weekend. It's a great call.

• 29:26Bill Simmons?

  I promise you, if you've ever had a little boy, if you kick your little boy in the ass as he walks by you, he would stop and immediately come back with fists. Because that's when little kids have that superpower. They'll punch you right in the balls. Like they'll, they're ready to go.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  I know.

• 29:40Bill Simmons?

  They just want to fight. So I don't know. It struck me.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  It's a great shame. If we could have, never mind the Norton dunk, like Norton would have been Dominique Wilkins. Like if, if we could have seen Seagal make one throw with a baseball, it's all we needed. We didn't get it.

• 29:54Bill Simmons?

  So the sports movie consult, consultancy group that I've always wanted to start, I'd like to cross that with, if we had a time machine.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 30:03Bill Simmons?

  And we could take that back into the late eighties, early nineties, and we were on this set, we would talk them into a softball game. I would actually want two scenes. And then like, with, Seagal never had like a basketball scene, right?

• 30:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 30:16Bill Simmons?

  That would be another one. That would be amazing. He's got the size.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. The closest thing is he's beaten people with a baseball bat, but I don't count that. I, I would want to be in the, the Out for Justice universe and take the bullet for Bobby. Just so they can go and have the game. So tell me how it was, guys. I'll dive in front of it. I want this game.

• 30:35Bill Simmons?

  Segal, top five celebrity all time? You would have wanted to see shoot hoops for forty seconds? Yeah.

• 30:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:42Bill Simmons?

  Well, I saw Peter Schreger firing some shots on some set this weekend.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Got a clip on him.

• 30:47Bill Simmons?

  I gotta say, his jump shot looked so good that Joe House texted me randomly and said, "Did you see Schreger's jump shot?"

• 30:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's good.

• 30:53Bill Simmons?

  "It's a really nice jump shot."

• 30:54Speaker 04

  Peter was varsity basketball in high school. Like, Peter knows what he's doing. And he'd just ask him. He'll tell you. He can play.

• 31:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think he would have been a huge favorite against Segal.

• 31:04Speaker 04

  Okay, thanks, guys. No, thank you, Craig.

• 31:06Bill Simmons?

  We're gonna take a break. No, we're gonna take a break, and then we're gonna do more about this movie. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Life is full of decisions, big and small, and sometimes you make one. You can really stand behind. I did this a few times in my life, especially in the mid 2010s, after I left Grantland and ESPN. And I was like, "You know what? I still think there's an idea for a company that could really work." And then The Ringer, and now we're 10 years later, we're still here. State Farm gets it. Making confident choices can make all the difference. That's why with the State Farm Personal Price Plan, you can choose the right amount of coverage to help create an affordable price. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and

• 31:49Bill Simmons?

  save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. All right, come back. We could talk about Seagal all day. We gotta talk about our guy Billy Forsyth.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Please.

• 32:10Bill Simmons?

  Who completely upstages Seagal, who was way in this movie, probably 20 extra minutes, and then Seagal complained. But this movie apparently had more plot, more characters, and was like a two-plus hour. The writer-director, this guy John Flynn, who wrote Rolling Thunder,

• 32:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:32Bill Simmons?

  a beloved movie for Sean and Chris. He directed Best Hour. He directed Lockup, a movie that we're probably gonna do in the rewatchables. One of the great sports scenes in a non-sports movie. And I feel like this was, he was thinking this could be like a discount Godfather three. Type like, I'm gonna dive into Brooklyn and Italian culture and people who grew up together. And one guy's on the wrong side of the tracks and one guy's on the right. And then it somehow turns into a Seagal movie. And I don't know what else happened, but I know this, there's two montage scenes in this movie. And the reason they have them is because at some point Warner Brothers decided you gotta go under 90 minutes. Because the head of Warner Brothers, Craig Rolbeck, was like, I don't ever want to sit in a movie theater for more than 90 minutes.

• 33:18Bill Simmons?

  So they, they either cut movies or cut scenes or made montage scenes. And that's why we have those two montage scenes. And that's why there's all this William Forsythe footage where it's like, boy, that would have been cool to see.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:29Bill Simmons?

  I would have liked to have seen that. And that's the answer.

• 33:32Speaker 04

  There's actually a scene that's in the montage, which is William Forsythe killing John Leguizamo. And it's like, shit, that's a scene in the movie? Can we watch that? No, it's five seconds. You barely see Leguizamo's face. But as we've talked about, like, I don't want to see the two hour, 11 minute version of this. I really don't. It's awesome how it is. I like the montages. I wish they'd do more montages now. I just saw the, the Mission Impossible movie. It was great. Could have used some montages like this one. They get, they clean things up quickly and we get in and get out. I like them.

• 34:00Bill Simmons?

  You wouldn't have gone two hours and 50 minutes for the new Mission Impossible movie if you were in charge?

• 34:05Speaker 04

  No. And I saw that in the theater, like it was 20 years ago and like the first hour is slow. First hour and then it gets cooking. But yeah, I could have used a few montages in that first hour.

• 34:15Bill Simmons?

  Well, this movie is half as long as the Mission Impossible movie. Forsythe, I mean, he had a, he had a big role early in his career, Dick Tracy.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 34:23Bill Simmons?

  Before this movie.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:26Bill Simmons?

  And then kind of eventually settled into, he was on cable a lot. He was usually a bad guy. It never a hundred percent happened for him. And I honestly think this is the best he's ever been in a movie.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  He's unbelievable. He's terrifying. He's scary. He's totally bought in. And you know this because if you see an interview with William Forsythe, he's like a nice nerdy guy. He's no, there's no Richie about him. I love my Forsythe. He's great scene in The Rock in the interrogation room with Sean Connery. When he throws him the quarter and then he like, he's, he's a super badass in that. He had a great, uh, he was like a cool, like violent butcher in the Boardwalk Empire show on HBO. But classic character actor and like, I've seen interviews with him where people, Bill, like to this day, 30 years later, when he's like at the grocery store, someone will walk out and go, "Hey Richie." People know he's Richie. And if I saw Forsythe, I'd be like, "Hey, it's Richie." You have to do it.

• 35:23Bill Simmons?

  You would definitely get the picture and then do the Instagram post with, "Has anyone seen Richie? Oh wait, I did," or whatever.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  I would go up to him and say, "Richie, why did you do Bobby Lupo?" I would be an asshole.

• 35:36Bill Simmons?

  What? What did he do Bobby Lupo? I watched the movie twice. I still don't 100% have it.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  I just think they were, they were having sex with the same woman. It's not clear though, and who cares?

• 35:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, there were definitely some, some scenes missing. So, um, so on the, uh, what do I, what else do I have here? Oh, John Flynn, we did. We did the budget and then, um, the only other thing is it's disappointing. Honestly, it hurts. Ebert didn't review this.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Didn't even review it.

• 36:12Bill Simmons?

  Didn't review it. They did some, uh,

• 36:14Speaker 04

  That's bullshit.

• 36:14Bill Simmons?

  They did some, some Siskel and Ebert TV show. And you're not going to believe it, but he wasn't a huge fan.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Two thumbs down?

• 36:23Bill Simmons?

  Just, I think he was pretty done with Seagal at this point.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  Number one movie, Rog. Sorry, the people like it.

• 36:29Bill Simmons?

  Listen, this wasn't Rog's cup of tea. So that's where we go. All right. Uh, most rewatchable scene.

• 36:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:36Bill Simmons?

  You mentioned the opening credits where the movie is just clearly saying right away, we're going for a ride. I, look, it's ridiculous. It's like the stereotypical 1970s pimp. Getting a, getting a little frisky with a hooker and then Seagal has to come in and literally beat the hell out of him. But it ends with him flipping the guy over into a car.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 36:59Bill Simmons?

  And then you see from the car angle, a shot of Seagal peeking in. And it freeze frames with the credits, Steven Seagal. It is the most eighties, nineties moment of the movie. I gotta say, it's amazing. It's one of the better opening credits things that I could gimmicks that I can remember.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  You laugh, you say, fuck, yeah. And it's like you, the pimp's red socks are in the frame and there's just Seagal freeze frame. Let's go. I want to watch it again right now. It's, it's, it's, it's my great, great shot, Gordo. We can do that's that topic right now, too, because I, it's the best shot in the movie. I, it makes me so happy.

• 37:50Bill Simmons?

  No question. Next one I have is.

• 37:57Bill Simmons?

  It's the beret scene. It's Gino sees Bobby's body. He tells Sarge, he's gonna hunt the killers down. And he's doing everything as Enzo in the Godfather one. I'm gonna hunt him down. It's gonna be fine. It's just. And the, the regard that he's held by the rest of the police force. Cause we see this in eighties movies where it's like, you think you're bigger than the force. You think you're bigger than your badge. You're not playing by the rules. Everybody in this movie is like, Gino's got it. He doesn't play by the rules. So let's let him cook.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  There's one cop that a black and white that comes over and gives him a shotgun. He's like, go get him, Gino. And he's like, I got him. He's on Gino's team.

• 38:37Bill Simmons?

  It's just like, no rules apply to Gino. Don't worry about him not playing that. We don't have the, every one of these movies has the cop who's on the other side. He was like, I'm watching you, Gino. This time you're gonna have to play by the rules or I'm gonna come get you myself. We don't have that guy.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  You have Jerry Orbach, the venerable Tony award winning thespian being like, I don't know, Gino, maybe you stay out of this one. He's like, fuck that. Give me the shotgun. All right. He doesn't do anything. It's so great. I love that character.

• 39:08Bill Simmons?

  It would have been funny if Jerry Orbach is like, Gino, you've carte blanche to do whatever you want, but the beret. It's just weird. It's just weird. I just don't, why are you doing it?

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Gino, the guys are talking about the beret. It's making everybody uncomfortable. Can I have, I don't want your peace and shield, but give me the beret.

• 39:26Bill Simmons?

  The guardian angels aren't even cool anymore, Gino. Like, just stop.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  The funny thing is, before that scene even starts, like, how hilarious is it that this movie starts with a dead, serious Arthur Miller quote?

• 39:38Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I forgot to mention that. I had that for the top.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  It's such a great, jarring way to start this ridiculous movie.

• 39:45Bill Simmons?

  I'm so glad you mentioned that. It starts with an Arthur Miller quote, and within two and a half minutes, Seagal is beating up a pimp.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  Do you think when Arthur Miller was writing Death of a Salesman, he's like, someday, Gino Fellino will kill Richie with a corkscrew? I actually heard Arthur Miller did a treatment of the script, and he's like, no, no, no, no. You need Richie to kill a guy who's a paraplegic, who hasn't had any pussy since 1969. We gotta get that guy in there. And they're like, alright, you're the goat. Unbelievable.

• 40:13Bill Simmons?

  Well, to the stranger's eye, one street was no different from one another. We all knew where our neighborhood somehow ended. Beyond that, a person was a stranger. And then it says, Arthur Miller, playwright, raised in Brooklyn. This movie has high ambitions for 10 seconds, and then it goes straight down. Do you think Arthur Miller was like, he's just in the movie theater, he's a Seagal guy, and he's like, wait, what the fuck? Why am I being quoted in this?

• 40:38Speaker 04

  He wanted it disavowed, because you're right. 10 seconds later, there's a pimp beating up a pregnant woman? Also, we have one, this entire movie is about Gino and Bobby's friendship and the revenge. We get one scene with Gino and Bobby, and it is the worst scene in the movie. It's two people that act like they have never spoken to each other before. And Gino's like, hey, Bobby, you kind of seem off. No, I'm fine, Gino, absolutely. It's like you're talking to someone in a dentist's office. That's like, the Gino and Bobby, guys, can we get one more take award? Because it's so, so stiff and bad.

• 41:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, it's also funny that, that Gino would notice anything about another human being. He's like the most conceited, self-serving guy. He's like, oh, man, Bobby, like, you didn't even know Bobby's sitting next to you.

• 41:25Bill Simmons?

  In that scene with the beret.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:27Bill Simmons?

  At some point, for some reason, his soon-to-be ex-wife is in the scene.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Yep, she shows up.

• 41:32Bill Simmons?

  To check in on Bobby's ex-wife. And then they have some, they have like a weird exchange, and Seagal goes... Don't worry, Vic. I'll make it to the divorce hearing on time. Okay? It's like a dig.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 41:45Bill Simmons?

  It's like, why?

• 41:46Speaker 04

  I know. Petty. Really petty.

• 41:48Bill Simmons?

  Just petty. Like, the, the, the real story is Gino sucks. Sucks as a dad, sucks as a husband, obviously, terrible best friend. No idea that he had, that his best friend was going through anything. And just a bull, a bull in a china shop. Sucks.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  And we got, we gotta have some conversations about that actress that plays the wife. Like, that's gotta come up later. We'll get the.

• 42:10Bill Simmons?

  I had her in recasting.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  I would have thought maybe she might end up there. I got her too.

• 42:15Bill Simmons?

  So, Gino, Gino decides to rescue a dog.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  All right, let's talk about it. You're talking about Coraggio?

• 42:22Bill Simmons?

  Cora- he names him Coraggio. Great name for a dog.

• 42:26Bill Simmons?

  But it leads to the next rewatchable scene where he has a chase. He's adopted this dog. He's had this dog for 10 minutes. This dog, God only knows what's happened to this dog.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 42:37Bill Simmons?

  Like, God only knows. Whatever happened to the dog led to the dog in a burlap bag being thrown out of a terrible car. Gino picks the dog up, puts him in the passenger seat, starts talking to the dog. Dog seems like, all right, I'm a little rattled. Gino proceeds to go on a car chase where he's on the side of the road where you're just going up and down. Like, you're on like a roller coaster bed. The car's just jumping up and down. We don't see the dog. There's no cuts to the dog. We have no idea. Is the dog throwing up? Is the dog like, can you just throw me back in the street? I was happier in a burlap bag. We don't see the dog for another half hour. The dog's in the car. They're in this car chase. Gino doesn't care.

• 43:19Speaker 04

  No. Poor Coraggio. Not buckled in. It'd be like having a car seat in the back. Like, nothing.

• 43:24Bill Simmons?

  We don't see the dog like jumping during the bumps, like just.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  So great. I didn't even think about that.

• 43:30Bill Simmons?

  And then, uh, he goes into the Italian store. And wipes out six guys and breaks two arms.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 43:37Bill Simmons?

  Cause at that point, Seagal's like, this is my move. People want it.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:40Bill Simmons?

  I get, I do a cross, I turn, break.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Lot of wrist, lot of arm. And as usual in that, in that deli shop, the strategy when you got numbers on Seagal is, all right, guys, let's surround them. And then somebody goes, should we all jump on them at once? And it's like, no, no, no. Let's each take turns sprinting as fast as we can, one by one. It reminds me when the debate was going on of like the hundred, hundred guys versus the gorilla. And everyone's like, could the humans do it? Not if they go one by one. Those morons, they never just jump him and beat the shit out of them. It's they take turns in every movie. That's scripted.

• 44:14Bill Simmons?

  This was how the baseball furies fell apart against the three warriors and the warriors.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  No doubt.

• 44:19Bill Simmons?

  They caught up to him. The one guy, the weak guy couldn't run anymore. Probably too many parliaments.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 44:25Bill Simmons?

  And they stop and it's three against seven. But then the baseball furies tried to have honor with the fight. And they just, they all baseball bats, just like, let's all jump on these guys and beat them to death. No, they went one by one, which was a mistake.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  I know.

• 44:37Bill Simmons?

  Same thing in the Italian store. And they had weapons too. They had like a machete. Yeah. Um, lose this fucking guy already.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Hang him on a hook. See Richie's so good in every scene.

• 44:51Bill Simmons?

  The pool table scene, which is the scene of the movie.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:55Bill Simmons?

  This is, can we agree this is the most rewatchable scene? Or would you have something else?

• 44:58Speaker 04

  No, no, this is, this is the best scene of Seagal's career.

• 45:02Bill Simmons?

  I have, look how long my list is of notes that I have.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Let's get into it. I have a lot of notes too.

• 45:07Bill Simmons?

  First of all, here's, here's my big picture question.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:10Bill Simmons?

  Eddie Murphy, his star making role in 48 Hours, the big scene was the torches scene.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure.

• 45:17Bill Simmons?

  When he goes in and like wipes out this redneck bar.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:20Bill Simmons?

  Do you think Seagal was influenced by that scene with this scene?

• 45:24Speaker 04

  I feel like Seagal doesn't watch movies. He doesn't, he doesn't even know who Eddie Murphy is. The, the other thing about him on SNL is all the cast members said that all week he would just kept, kept saying, I've never seen the show before. I don't know the show. And they're like, you don't know fucking Saturday Night Live? I don't think he knows who Eddie Murphy is. I don't think he knows.

• 45:41Bill Simmons?

  Fair. Um.

• 45:44Bill Simmons?

  Hey officer, big shot coming to bust my balls. Um, anyway, this, this launches, has anyone seen Richie?

• 45:50Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 45:51Bill Simmons?

  Anybody seen Richie? Huh?

• 45:55Speaker 04

  I'm gonna keep coming back till somebody remembers seeing Richie.

• 45:59Bill Simmons?

  Which is your favorite line, probably of any movie ever, non-Star Wars?

• 46:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's his, "I'll be back." It's the line that is associated with Steven Seagal, and he gets it yelled at him too, I've read about it in public. He'll go, it'll be literally with like Vladimir Putin, and some Russian guy goes, "Anybody seen Richie?" Like, it's all around and people yell that. This is like, I'm not doing shtick, I'm not exaggerating. I don't think there's a movie scene in history that I enjoy more than I enjoy this scene. You could take any, the Copacabana and Goodfellas, anything in Boogie Nights, all my favorite movies. This start to finish is maybe my favorite movie scene ever made. It's so perfect and so fun and so entertaining. The characters, it's like the slimy bookie, tattoos, slick guy in a jacket, sticks.

• 46:43Bill Simmons?

  Sticks.

• 46:44Speaker 04

  All, and it's like, he just takes them one down after another. And the funny thing about Sticks is that, um, Vinny calls Sticks in like Joe Torre calling in Mariana, like out of the bull. He literally snaps his fingers and goes, "All right, he's worked his way through the rotation, Sticks, you take him." And then they have a stick fight in the middle of the bar, and I'm just riveted every single time.

• 47:07Bill Simmons?

  Sticks is the classic, "You only have one job."

• 47:11Bill Simmons?

  You're in the corner.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Your name is Sticks.

• 47:13Bill Simmons?

  We're probably never gonna need you, but if we do need you, it's time for Sticks, and then Sticks somehow gets beaten. I was thinking about it, I'm trying to think if there's a funnier scene in the 90s. It wasn't as funny in the moment as it is now. But like, when I watch, if I watch, like, I think we both really liked There's Something About Mary, and it has some really funny scenes in it, right? Dumb and Dumber, there's, there's some great comedies in the 90s, where you're like, "Oh, man, I love that part." Tommy Boy. Tommy Boy still makes me laugh, so I don't think this is funnier than Tommy Boy, and it's probably not in the elite, elite, top, top level of comedy. But nothing is funnier than when he goes behind the bar and starts breaking glasses and gets to the, "Whose hot dog is this, huh? Is this yours?"

• 47:55Speaker 04

  I know.

• 47:56Bill Simmons?

  It's just the weirdest, craziest ad lib he's ever done in his career. What made him pick up the hot dog? And then go, who's hot dog is this? Is this it? It's just a hot dog on a hot dog burner.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  I know. It's like the actors say, they use the expression, explore the space.

• 48:12Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  He's just ad libbing there. That's obviously not, he found a hot dog. Who's hot? He doesn't even, it's not even in a bun. It's the naked weiner and he's flashing it and then just tosses it at somebody. And then seconds later is, who's the boxer here? You got the gloves over here, pictures. And it's like, you're a tough guy. It's, the exchange is so good.

• 48:32Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking when he grabs the hot dog, the director was probably, you know, doing the thing where he's looking through the square.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:39Bill Simmons?

  And when he grabs the hot dog and he's like, who's hot dog is this? Is this yours? The director is probably like, looked at the guy next to him like, the fuck is he doing?

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Just let him keep going. We gotta wrap.

• 48:49Bill Simmons?

  No, just, no, we'll cut it later. We'll cut it later. And then he's like, I fucking hate this guy. I'm keeping the hot dog in.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  I know. And the hot dog, we're talking about it. It's memorable. Um, I, when I watched it this last time, I landed on something that I've never before. This scene reminds me of the Alec Baldwin, Glenn Gary scene. And it's like, you have this super slick, dark haired guy walk into this room full of kind of losers sitting around. And he just puts them all in their place, one after another. Then they kind of try to fight back and he takes them out at the knees. Like Ed Harris is the bartender who boxes. And he's basically like, A, anybody, S, seen, R, Richie. Anybody seen Richie? And walks out of there and it's like, that guy just dominated this entire fucking room. What a scene. I love it.

• 49:39Bill Simmons?

  Well, that one guy, there's some great bad guys. You did a good job of laying out all the different, but there's the one guy with the long beard who Seagal knocks out his teeth.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  Uh, tattoo. From Attica. Yeah.

• 49:51Bill Simmons?

  And when they start looking at each other and the guy goes, there's only two things. There's only two things stopping you, fear and common sense. I'm like, great line.

• 50:01Speaker 04

  I know.

• 50:02Bill Simmons?

  Right. Kind of what kind of it's a borderline. Might be able to use that for your high school yearbook. Just like do that and say attributed to tattoos.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  And at the time, I mean, listen, we, we, there's so many things going on. Right before that line, he is very steadily and quietly taking the cue ball and wrapped it in a bar towel. A move that he's clearly done before. And it's the most amazing thing ever. He's beating the shit out of these people with the bar, with the bar towel. Right across the face. Like he has definitely done it. And like, God, it's so good. It's so good. And that's not forget, like in the middle of the scene. It comes to 5,000 for that badge right now. And then the place goes nuts. They set a bounty in the middle of the scene and guys just start throwing haymakers. God, it's good.

• 50:44Bill Simmons?

  Craig, can you come back for a second?

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Come on, Craig.

• 50:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:48Bill Simmons?

  Cause you've, you've produced a lot of these. Including a lot of action movies you never saw before. Is there a better action movie trick? Than wrapping something in a towel? Whether it's a soda can, a pool ball, softball.

• 51:02Speaker 06

  He had the quarters in the sock and death wish.

• 51:05Bill Simmons?

  It's the number one move, right? Like if we ever write an action movie.

• 51:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:09Bill Simmons?

  Somebody's wrapping something into a sock or a towel. It feels like. I feel like I could take down a bar of like 10 guys if I had like a cue ball wrapped in a sock. I really do. I feel, it just seems like you immediately have a superpower.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  Yeah. It's like a makeshift nunchuck and it feels like you can. Pretty much fashion it out of anything in any room you're in, you can create that type of weapon. Which is why it's so great. It's boring to have a sword or a knife. But a cue ball in a towel? Quarters in a sock?

• 51:38Bill Simmons?

  I would think if you had to rank things you would rack, wrap in a sock.

• 51:43Speaker 06

  Cue ball is really high.

• 51:45Bill Simmons?

  Perfect. I don't know what's better than cue ball.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Well, I'll shout out to the Kubrick, it's full metal jacket. When they haze private pile, they put bars of soap in a sock and just smash it with the soap. But I think the cue ball way more painful than than the bar of soap.

• 52:00Bill Simmons?

  Cause quarters can like jingle around. Maybe they break all the quarters spill out. Like you get, you wrap that cue ball in there.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  I know.

• 52:07Bill Simmons?

  Those things are hard. I, what would be better than a cue ball?

• 52:10Speaker 04

  I, you could do a glass, but the glass would break. The glass would break and then it shards. Yeah.

• 52:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  Um, the best one we see tattoo later in the movie, he has a perfect cue ball shaped wound in his forehead from right where that thing caromed off.

• 52:24Bill Simmons?

  Unstitched. It's just, it's just a gaping hole.

• 52:27Speaker 04

  There's gangrene all over.

• 52:28Bill Simmons?

  Has it gone to the ER yet?

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Um, and I, the nuance of Seagal in the towel is there's this close up where he is, he's getting it really tight. And then he makes it perfect, like crisp, like a marine folding his sheets. And then just bam, it's kind of, it's so cool. I keep saying.

• 52:44Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking that would be a good SNL sketch and God knows SNL needs to help lately, but um, it's, it would just be an ER scene where all the guys are in the waiting room in the ER after they've been beaten up by Steven Seagal.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 52:57Bill Simmons?

  One guy's just got a hole in his head. The other guy's missing teeth. It's like, what happened? I want. Gino Torino came into our bar.

• 53:03Speaker 06

  I want a Seagal like MacGyver sketch where he has to create weapons out of different rooms he's in.

• 53:08Bill Simmons?

  That would be great too. They need to bring him back to be the host again. All right. Thanks, Craig. Thanks for the cameo. Um, Seagal cleans out 12 guys.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 53:16Bill Simmons?

  In this scene.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Also in the middle of the scene, we hear, we hear words like jadruul and uh, mamluk. Like he's doing all this Italian slang that I don't know what those words mean, but he's all over the place. And he refers to Richie as a chicken shit fucking pussy asshole. It's, this is Shakespeare.

• 53:34Speaker 06

  Wait, and then, and then like a minute later, somebody says a swear word and he goes, whoa, whoa, this is no time for profanity.

• 53:40Speaker 04

  And the swear word is prick. It's like an entry level swear word. It's nothing. It's exactly right.

• 53:45Speaker 06

  A pussy asshole.

• 53:47Bill Simmons?

  He also does, uh, the last guy, there's a phone booth.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Yep. Twice he gets them.

• 53:54Bill Simmons?

  And he gets him and he just shoves him into the phone booth and it somehow completely incapacitates this guy.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  Yep, he's gone.

• 53:59Bill Simmons?

  I don't know, I don't know if he got knocked out by the, but the phone hits him in the back of the head, but that guy's just.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  And loads two rounds into the ceiling and Vinnie says, you could have killed somebody upstairs. And he goes, but there ain't nobody upstairs. And you laugh out loud. It's a nonstop tour de force scene. Everything about it works.

• 54:18Bill Simmons?

  When they do Harold Letterman, when he's scoring the bar fight and he comes in, okay, Jim, I had a 10-7 round for Steven Seagal. Uh, he knocked out 12 guys, took a stick to the leg and that's it.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  Jim, whatever happened to that hot dog? I want to get that hot dog, Jim. Thank you, Harold Letterman at ringside, HBO boxing. Uh, yeah, we needed Letterman on the CompuBox.

• 54:38Bill Simmons?

  Well, runner's up for most rewatchable scene. Oh, by the way, Seagal said that the movie Barbaral in the pool hall was his personal favorite among all the fight scenes he's ever done.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  That's his only good take. That's Seagal's only good take ever.

• 54:53Bill Simmons?

  He's watching it with friends. He's like, do you see what I did with the hot dog?

• 54:56Speaker 04

  That wasn't in the script. I had lived that.

• 54:59Bill Simmons?

  I saw the hot dog. I was just like, it'd be funny if I did something with the hot dog.

• 55:02Speaker 04

  And he was probably eating 12 hot dogs when he was watching the movie too, if you've seen him lately.

• 55:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, dying is his Fu Manchu. Uh, next rewatchable scene, Gina Gershon's first scene. Great to have her.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  It's awesome. What's up Gina?

• 55:18Bill Simmons?

  The combo of this and Cocktail in the same year. It's not an Apex fan, but it was for me.

• 55:26Bill Simmons?

  Anyway, uh, he says, how you doing Patty? And she says, I can still get it wet.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  Hot. Unbelievable.

• 55:34Bill Simmons?

  That might be the peak exchange we've ever had in an action movie. I can still get it wet.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  I know.

• 55:40Bill Simmons?

  I, I'm guessing, I think I know what she means.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  Think she's talking about a vagina, Bill.

• 55:45Bill Simmons?

  I think she might be.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  And then Gino goes, I can't believe you can still eat with that mouth. It's all out of the gates where I can still get it wet is a vile thing to say.

• 55:56Bill Simmons?

  Well, it gets worse because after he's trying to get information about Richie.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:02Bill Simmons?

  He's trying to find Richie.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  By the way, I'm texting you, you bottom line the story of this movie. What was your text? What if you had to tell someone what this movie is about? What is it about?

• 56:12Bill Simmons?

  Let me see.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  Because you had it very on the nose, very brief and concise. If no one's ever seen Out for Justice, how would you describe the plot of the movie?

• 56:22Bill Simmons?

  So I texted you, the key to this movie is he's trying to find Richie and he wants to know if anyone's seen him.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  That's it. It's all you need to know.

• 56:30Bill Simmons?

  That's what the IMDb thing should say.

• 56:33Speaker 04

  It's imperative that he find Richie and he's doing everything he can, including going to his sister and talking about what the blowjob that she gives, right?

• 56:42Bill Simmons?

  Well,

• 56:45Bill Simmons?

  this is the exchange.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  What do you got?

• 56:48Bill Simmons?

  She, she goes, what do you want? You want me to go give you a little head in the corner and make you forget? And he goes, it's not going to make me forget you weren't, you were never that good.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  Credible.

• 56:59Bill Simmons?

  And then she goes, go fuck yourself, Gino. Like that like really hit home. But it's not going to make me forget you were never that good.

• 57:07Speaker 07

  How does it work, Gino? Well, I'm supposed to give you a little head in the corner and you could forget about the whole thing?

• 57:11Speaker 00

  It's not going to make me forget, Patty. You were never that good.

• 57:14Speaker 07

  Yeah, go fuck yourself, Gino.

• 57:16Speaker 00

  You're under arrest.

• 57:18Bill Simmons?

  Seagal's a great line. He might have written that himself. Anyway, it's fun to see him with Gina Gershon, but it's even more fun to see him with Cinemax legend Shannon Worry.

• 57:27Speaker 04

  Talk about it. Let's go.

• 57:28Bill Simmons?

  This is her first movie. Shannon Worry was like, if Shannon Tweed was Hulk Hogan in the Skinamax era.

• 57:35Speaker 04

  Who's she macho?

• 57:36Bill Simmons?

  No, she's, she's Ultimate Warrior. She was like, they thought, they thought she could be the champ and sell out arenas for five, six years. This is her breakout scene. This is her first match, basically. She's the buxom strip joint waitress.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  She's the one who Seagal says, the one whose nipples you could dial a phone with. The dialogue in this scene is, is really colorful and it's, it's, it brings to mind all the workplace things we hear about Seagal. I'm sure it was a ripe spot to work.

• 58:04Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I'm sure he loved Shannon Worry. Anyway, I think she has a scene with her where she's giving information. I gotta say, really good acting by her.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought she did a good job.

• 58:13Bill Simmons?

  She was excellent.

• 58:14Speaker 04

  She did a good job.

• 58:15Bill Simmons?

  I was a little worried because, you know, when you, when you move into the Skinamax catalog in the mid nineties, maybe, maybe not really as concerned with their acting chops, but in this movie, she's really going for, she has an accent.

• 58:25Speaker 04

  She's, the, the small characters in this movie cook, like the eight and nine hitters in this lineup hit. We haven't even gotten to Corrado Soprano yet. Like there are people cooking in every role in this movie.

• 58:35Bill Simmons?

  No question.

• 58:36Speaker 04

  You gotta, you gotta hold your own.

• 58:38Bill Simmons?

  Uh, I had two more scenes. Richie goes nuts in the bar, which is just Forsyth just cooking.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  I know.

• 58:43Bill Simmons?

  And then, uh, the final shootout.

• 58:47Bill Simmons?

  When Seagal just kills everybody, he shoots somebody's leg off, which I think he invented. I don't remember seeing that in a movie before with a shotgun where the guy, the, his, basically from his ankle down, just comes off his body.

• 58:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. And his reaction is very funny. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

• 59:02Bill Simmons?

  For like 20 seconds.

• 59:04Speaker 04

  I know. It's awesome.

• 59:04Bill Simmons?

  And then Seagal unfortunately fights William Forsyth and doesn't let Forsyth get even one punch in.

• 59:10Speaker 04

  Not one.

• 59:11Bill Simmons?

  Annihilates him.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  But it's, what's funny about that fight scene is, is Forsyth is Richie. Every single time he gets thrown, he keeps landing next to a new weapon. It's like a rolling pin, a knife, a corkscrew. He gets hit over the head with a frying pan, like it's like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. It's, it's very, it's almost like when, uh, Nordberg like steps in the bear trap and the wet paint and the wedding cake. He just keeps getting weapons like it's double dragon or something, but none of them work.

• 59:37Bill Simmons?

  So we have the pool hall for the most rewatchable.

• 59:40Speaker 04

  My most rewatchable scene in the history of cinema. It's my favorite scene ever. So yes.

• 59:44Bill Simmons?

  All right. We're taking one more break and then I have an unbelievable, brand new category for you.

• 59:49Speaker 04

  Let's go.

• 59:50Bill Simmons?

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• 1:00:36Bill Simmons?

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• 1:01:42Bill Simmons?

  All right, rest of the categories. What is the most 1991 thing about this movie for you?

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  Mine's a fucking ringer. This is Bobby Lupo is murdered on the sidewalk in the middle of a very busy city street. And in the wide shot and as well as the close-ups of this beautiful scene in Brooklyn, but a horrific murder is a giant, giant Joe Montana LA Gear billboard for LA Gear sneakers. And it says unstoppable with Joe Montana throwing a football. And it's like, this is so perfect, so 1991. It's just smiling over Bobby's dead body.

• 1:02:15Bill Simmons?

  It's great.

• 1:02:17Bill Simmons?

  I had Young Shannon Worry. And I had the winner for me is the early 90s rap songs. All of a sudden, the Beastie Boys come in and it's like, wow. But then there's another one that I have it later on my notes, but it was, it just feels very rooted in 1991. And you hear the first two songs and it's like, oh, anything's possible. We might, it's a little like how King of New York, same thing where it's just like, it was a really distinct time for music. And the movie actually weirdly captures it for whatever reason. Okay, new category.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, what do you got?

• 1:02:53Bill Simmons?

  I mean, Seagal already has a category named after him. And you could argue he should have the Steven Seagal Running Award should be a category as well. The Steven Seagal Shitting on Himself Award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot. I can't believe 380 plus movies that this wasn't a category. Here's the thing, and there's been a ton of stuff about this, and I'm sure you've read and watched a bunch of it, including our guy Ariel Hawani did an interview with the stunt coordinator. During filming, here's what we know. During the filming of this movie, Seagal allegedly claims that because of his, his training, his martial arts, like his, whatever the highest level he'd gotten to, that nobody could choke him unconscious.

• 1:03:37Bill Simmons?

  And as the story goes, the stunt coordinator, whose name was Gene LaBelle,

• 1:03:43Bill Simmons?

  he was a 10th degree red belt in judo.

• 1:03:47Bill Simmons?

  And somehow this became an argument about whether he could choke Seagal out or not. And Seagal was like, all right, let's do it. He does it. He chokes him out. Not only is he unconscious, but he pees and shits on himself.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Bill Simmons?

  And Seagal has denied since then, the incident ever took place. He has a witness. LaBelle has been like, pretty,

• 1:04:14Bill Simmons?

  not confirming it, but not denying it either. And then, um, he said in 2012, sometimes Steven has a tendency to cheese off the wrong people and you can get hurt doing that. And then, uh, this is Ariel's interview with him, actually. He said, well, you're going to confirm this story. And LaBelle said, well, if 30 people are watching, let them talk about it. And then another stunt man who was there said a confrontation did happen. And that, uh, Seagal was trying to get out of the chokehold, swung his forearm into the crouch. And then LaBelle used the foot sweep to sweep him off the floor. We don't have a direct confirmation that he shit on himself. But honestly, I want to live in a world where he did.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, I choose to believe. Which, which do you is more believable? That he got, Steven Seagal got choked out and shit on himself, or the Richard Gere gerbil thing?

• 1:05:09Bill Simmons?

  This by easily by far.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. Richard Gere was doing anything he wanted. I'm sure with any woman he wanted this.

• 1:05:15Bill Simmons?

  I never believed that. I thought the Richard Gere thing seemed pretty brazenly. You know, you could just make something up and it spreads. We had a bunch of those from the seventies and early eighties.

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:26Bill Simmons?

  This, something clearly happened and whether he shit on himself or not, nobody has come forward and said. I believe I, I saw it. I smelled the shit. I cleaned his pants. We haven't gotten that far, but nobody has also denied that it happened.

• 1:05:40Speaker 04

  I would assume the only way, cause he wears black in the whole movie. It's not like he'd be wearing white pants. The only way you could confirm that he in fact defecated in his pants, you just have to go by a smell test and he clearly did it. I haven't been around someone who shit himself, I think since college. So I guess that would be, that would be it.

• 1:05:54Bill Simmons?

  Let's bring a producer Craig in one more time.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  Craig in here.

• 1:05:57Bill Simmons?

  Third party. Uh, Craig, did you know this story and what do you want to believe hearing it for the first time?

• 1:06:03Speaker 06

  He 100% shit himself. I have not heard this story, but knowing everything I know about Seagal. I mean, you can clearly see why the guy can't lose in any single fight in the movie and he's just doing the same thing off camera. He can't lose off camera either. This is a hundred percent true.

• 1:06:19Bill Simmons?

  So one of my rules when I hear stories like this.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 1:06:22Bill Simmons?

  Is if the story is so crazy, then I default to how would somebody have made that up? So if you, if you're making this up, we start with, you can't choke me out and the guy chokes Seagal out for a little bit and whatever. And maybe that's what happened. And then all these other people hate Seagal so much that the story then takes the life of its own. And becomes, oh, then he shit on himself and then that takes hold.

• 1:06:48Bill Simmons?

  The fact that nobody has denied the story.

• 1:06:50Speaker 04

  Correct.

• 1:06:51Bill Simmons?

  Kind of makes me think it's true.

• 1:06:52Speaker 06

  Do we know if you can shit yourself when you get choked out? Is that a common symptom?

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  All right. I just Googled.

• 1:06:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:58Speaker 04

  I Googled while we're talking and AI says, while it's possible, it's not a guaranteed or common occurrence to lose bowel control. When someone is choked unconscious. So that's, we're still in the, we don't know if it's true or not. Yeah. It's, it's, it says also known as being choked out and shitting yourself. It is definitely possible.

• 1:07:15Speaker 06

  And with the amount of hot dogs he was slamming.

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  Talk about it. That's right. I would think he had a huge lunch at craft services.

• 1:07:22Bill Simmons?

  Well, have you ever, have you ever been in the room with anybody who passed out from like, I don't know, drugs, mushrooms, whatever? Sometimes they will pee on themselves.

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  Your body lets go.

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  But I feel like shit in yourself is, is a much harder excretion than just you get piss leakage. Like you'd make a full bowel movement in your pants.

• 1:07:40Bill Simmons?

  Well, cause you think like it would happen in UFC all the time.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 1:07:45Bill Simmons?

  Right? You're getting choked down in UFC. You don't just shit in your trunks when it happens.

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  They usually, they usually tap before they're unconscious, though.

• 1:07:53Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 1:07:53Bill Simmons?

  True.

• 1:07:54Speaker 04

  Craig, see if anybody's ever shit themselves in the UFC.

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  Well, in the NFL, when guys get knocked out, they don't shit themselves.

• 1:08:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  I have jokes about that, but I can't make them. That's, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna Google if you shit yourself in UFC.

• 1:08:07Bill Simmons?

  So Fando odds, Seagal shit himself minus 125?

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  Hmm. I think it might be the underdog, but I'm still taking it.

• 1:08:15Bill Simmons?

  You think it's underdog, like plus 130?

• 1:08:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Bill Simmons?

  So if we can find out the exact story, would you bet he did shit on himself or he didn't?

• 1:08:23Speaker 06

  I'm really, I want to believe that he did.

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  Yeah. What is it? Life's, life's too short to bet the under? Like I, I wanna, I'm, I'd be very disappointed if he didn't at this point.

• 1:08:32Bill Simmons?

  His intestines, his intestines were out for justice.

• 1:08:35Speaker 06

  Also, what an, what an awesome lie to make up and that everybody just immediately believes, you know?

• 1:08:40Bill Simmons?

  You know you hate somebody's guts or that he was hated on a movie set when this becomes a story that comes out of the set? What's the worst thing to spread about somebody? Nothing.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 1:08:50Bill Simmons?

  All right. Thanks, Craig.

• 1:08:52Speaker 04

  Craig, you're killing it today, Craig.

• 1:08:53Bill Simmons?

  New category. I can't wait for more, for more examples in future rewatchables. What's age the best? Julianna Margulies.

• 1:09:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:03Bill Simmons?

  First, first movie. Looks young and great and very like young person on ER kind of vibe to her and is one of the best actors in this movie.

• 1:09:13Speaker 04

  Clearly talented. She, she tears up immediately. She's terrified of Richie. Like you know she's going places and she was in ER a few years later and she's great.

• 1:09:22Bill Simmons?

  Uh, here's another What's Age the Best, Kyle Brandt. The director's thoughts on Steven Seagal, John Flynn.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  What's he got to say?

• 1:09:30Bill Simmons?

  I really liked working with Bill Forsythe and Jerry Orbach and all those guys in the car who played the killers, but I didn't get along with Steven. He was always about an hour late for work and caused a lot of delays. That's his Steven Seagal scouting report.

• 1:09:43Speaker 04

  But to say that he's late, that's mild. Like that's, that's a win for Seagal. You're late, a lot of people are late. This is the guy who has way worse upset about him.

• 1:09:51Bill Simmons?

  What, I had a couple more. What'd you have for What's Age the Best?

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  It's just the cast in general. We've talked about it. It's just Margulies, Uncle June, Vinny, like just wonderful actors everywhere. And they don't belong in a piece of shit action movie allegedly, although it is, it's a great movie. So the cast and we've covered the rest.

• 1:10:07Bill Simmons?

  I have a couple more. Uh, I like when he says, he's killing people like it's free.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:10:12Bill Simmons?

  Never heard that line before. I enjoyed it.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  It's not a good line.

• 1:10:15Bill Simmons?

  I like that Gino has an awesome relationship with mob boss, Don Vittorio.

• 1:10:20Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:10:22Bill Simmons?

  They go way back.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:10:23Bill Simmons?

  He can just go in there, but it's like, hey, Gino, like Gino's like apparently the most powerful person in Brooklyn. Don Vittorio is just sitting around waiting to hang out for him. And then, uh,

• 1:10:34Bill Simmons?

  a What's Age the Best, you could also say it's a What's Age the Worst in the baseball catch scene, which is a tour de force. He gets a call that his best friend has been murdered.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Bill Simmons?

  Could not be less upset, doesn't even try to act like, doesn't do the what? He's just like, okay, Bob is dead.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Bill Simmons?

  And talk about, we needed one more take for the scene. This is like leader in the clubhouse.

• 1:10:59Speaker 04

  That tells me that that was the one more take. They probably gave it a few times and then Seagal probably thought it was good. And this is the best we're going to get. And then he calls Vicky and tells her the same news and her reaction is just as bad. Like, yeah, all the, there's amazing actors in this, except for the people in the main, in the lead and his wife, they're not the best.

• 1:11:17Bill Simmons?

  How many times do you think he says, anyone seen Richie or some sort of variation of that sentence during the movie?

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  Uh, it's, I'd say like 10.

• 1:11:27Bill Simmons?

  Eight.

• 1:11:28Speaker 04

  Eight, yeah.

• 1:11:30Bill Simmons?

  Uh, more What's Age the Best. Any movie where a police sergeant says in an eighties or nineties movie, I'm getting too old for this shit.

• 1:11:36Speaker 04

  Love it.

• 1:11:37Bill Simmons?

  Cause Jerry Orbach rips it off. It's almost like they were playing the hits. And then I have Jerry Orbach's peak from. Eighty seven, eighty nine is what's aged the best. He's in Dirty Dancing.

• 1:11:47Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:11:48Bill Simmons?

  A phenomenon of a movie. He's in Crimes and Misdemeanors, a Woody Allen movie that's really good. He's in Someone to Watch Over Me, which we just did on rewatchables, and he's in Last Exit to Brooklyn.

• 1:11:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Bill Simmons?

  Uh, another respected drama. So he's like a really respected, way up there, working with good directors, Ridley Scott, he's in Dirty Dancing, working with Woody Allen. And during this time, it all leads to nineteen ninety one, where he does Out for Justice and Toy Soldiers.

• 1:12:13Speaker 04

  Fuck, yes. Two rewatchables.

• 1:12:15Bill Simmons?

  He uses his power.

• 1:12:19Bill Simmons?

  His cachet to make the movies that we care about. God bless Jerry Orbach.

• 1:12:24Speaker 04

  It's, he does the one for them, and then he does the one for himself. I, I found myself watching it the other night, and I'm like, God, why the fuck is Orbach in this? But then you look, and it's like, it just clicks. Right after this, he gets Law and Order. Right after this, he's in Beauty and the Beast, which is a massive hit.

• 1:12:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:41Speaker 04

  And he's old, because he did years of theater. He's not slumming it. He just hasn't blown up that big yet.

• 1:12:47Bill Simmons?

  Big Kahuna Burger, where best use of food and drink, uh, the hot dog. Come on.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  I was gonna go with the six pack of seltzer he buys from the kid in the cooler.

• 1:12:57Bill Simmons?

  That's pretty good, too, but that, it has to be the hot dog. You had Great Shark Ordo. You nailed it.

• 1:13:02Speaker 04

  Through the windshield.

• 1:13:03Bill Simmons?

  Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness, where best needle drop, Beastie Boys, No Sleep for Brooklyn, right after Gina rescues the puppy.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's good.

• 1:13:10Bill Simmons?

  Or we got Shake the Firm from Cool JT.

• 1:13:13Speaker 04

  Shake the Firm. That's, that one's not very good. It's, it's, the movie is in Brooklyn, and he's not sleeping until he kills Richie, so it's perfect. License to Ill had been out four years at that point, and it's still just, it's awesome. That's a great needle drop.

• 1:13:26Bill Simmons?

  Was there a better title for this movie? John Flynn said that the movie was originally called The Price of Our Blood.

• 1:13:32Speaker 04

  Nah, not that.

• 1:13:34Bill Simmons?

  And, uh, that was the title that Steven and I wanted. And Warner Brothers said no. It had to be a three-word title, like the other Steven Seagal films.

• 1:13:47Bill Simmons?

  And that's how we ended up with.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  The rule with Seagal is you have to be able to say in the trailer, Steven Seagal is.

• 1:13:54Bill Simmons?

  Dot, dot, dot.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  For death, out for justice, on deadly ground, all that. So that doesn't work with The Price of Blood.

• 1:14:00Bill Simmons?

  Uh, your choice for a flex category, Kyle Brandt.

• 1:14:03Speaker 04

  Um, okay. I'm going to go with the, uh, the Vinnie Chase Award for are we sure these guys are really good at their job? Worst mobsters of all time. Pathetic, loser, weak mobsters. Not only do they can't find Richie in their own neighborhood, their only strategy is to co-keep beating up his brother. Why do they take so much shit from Gino? The boss says to him, Gino, we love you, but let us handle this. And he's like, nope. Then the boss just laughs. The capo says, you know, we gotta do this our way. And he's like, I don't care. I'm gonna kill him. You're never gonna change, are you, Gino?

• 1:14:36Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:14:36Speaker 04

  You can do. And then at the end, he sits down with the mob boss and is like, look, I don't like you. Uh, I hope you fall off a bridge. They're supposed to kill him at the fucking table right there. These mobsters are such wusses and they're completely inept as well.

• 1:14:49Bill Simmons?

  Richie's running a mock ruining Brooklyn. They do nothing.

• 1:14:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. They, they can't even control their own sidewalks. So like, they're not even good at being mobsters. They're all well cast, but they're terrible mobsters.

• 1:15:00Bill Simmons?

  So if you're like an actual Brooklyn mobster, you probably hate this movie.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  I would think it'd be so.

• 1:15:05Bill Simmons?

  I would have killed Gino. I would have killed Richie.

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:15:07Bill Simmons?

  We, you know, these things happen. It's a great one. Totally agree. Uh, the Butch's Girlfriend Award for weak link of the film. So.

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  Go on. I'm wait, I can't wait for this. What do you got?

• 1:15:19Bill Simmons?

  There's a bunch of obvious ones. There's the one that I feel, I don't know if I'm right. Um, and then you might have a different opinion. Everything about Gino's puppy adoption as a dog lover, not a psycho dog lover. I'm not, not one of those who, you know, I'm not, I'm not a 10 out of 10, but I do think there comes a certain response. Like my wife found our dog, Jesse, who's now living on the streets and.

• 1:15:43Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 1:15:43Bill Simmons?

  You know, it's a rough first, rough, rough first couple of weeks there for the dog that's been abandoned on the streets. This movie doesn't acknowledge any of this. And as I mentioned earlier, in the first 20 minutes of the adoption, he's in a car chase with the thing bouncing. He goes to buy food. At one point in his homey Italian store, he's like, I'm not buying anything from Jersey. Uh, just immediately gets the, the puppy, like the worst dog food possible. Who's watching the puppy? He's a single dad. Who's home? Is there a crate?

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  How many times is that puppy pissed and shit in the car? Like six times? They must be pissing shit all over that car.

• 1:16:20Bill Simmons?

  Wait, is the puppy sick? The puppy needs shots? Has the puppy ever had shots? How old is the puppy? Is it a female puppy? Does the dog need to be sick? Like Gino Torino, Gino Folino has no answers for any of these questions.

• 1:16:34Speaker 04

  I can tell you're triggered.

• 1:16:35Bill Simmons?

  He's like, hey, I got a dog.

• 1:16:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're protective of the dog. I can tell like it should be well, yeah. I get it. You should be. It's but.

• 1:16:41Bill Simmons?

  Are you a dog parent or not, Gino?

• 1:16:43Speaker 04

  He, it's, it's an interesting device in the movie. And I think it's put in there to make Seagal likable. Cause everybody loves dogs. Everybody loves puppies. And when he's not killing people, oh, look, Seagal is soft and he's got a softer side and he loves this little dog. And it works. I love little Coraggio. He's so cute. But you're right. It's kind of fucked up.

• 1:17:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, just give us a crate. What did you have for the weak link?

• 1:17:06Speaker 04

  Well, are we going to talk about recasting parts here? Because I think.

• 1:17:10Bill Simmons?

  No, later.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  Okay, I will save it because Seagal's wife is the weak link for me.

• 1:17:14Bill Simmons?

  The Steven Seagal Hard to Kill Award. I felt like we had to give this out for, uh, did this movie need a better intimacy coordinator?

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:21Bill Simmons?

  Um, maybe for the Polaroids? And I still don't really understand the Polaroids in general.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Polaroids are hot, man. I love those Polaroids.

• 1:17:29Bill Simmons?

  But they're posing, but somebody else is taking the pictures and it's like, hey, it almost seems like Naked Gun.

• 1:17:37Speaker 04

  I was young. I needed the work.

• 1:17:40Bill Simmons?

  It's not somebody like in mid thruster. It's actual people with a third party filming. I don't get it.

• 1:17:47Speaker 04

  Because it now it would be a selfie, but they're Polaroids that are perfectly framed where they're clearly not holding it. Maybe they, their Polaroid camera had a timer on it. Back in the day, we used to use timers a lot.

• 1:17:56Bill Simmons?

  Oh, that's a great, that's, that's the answer.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  And maybe that's what it is. But Bobby and Roxanne, and by the way, but Bobby seems like a fucking great time. Like what a party. Bobby was a maniac.

• 1:18:08Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:18:09Speaker 04

  Drugs and women and that women like Bobby would have been fun to party with if you're young. Jesus.

• 1:18:14Bill Simmons?

  The only other time I was thinking of better intimacy coordinator is he goes to see the, uh, the dead stripper Roxanne doesn't realize he's dead, goes in and she's dead in the bed, but naked. Cause they clearly were trying to lock down that R rating.

• 1:18:26Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:18:27Bill Simmons?

  I wanted an intimacy coordinator for the actress playing the dead stripper just because Seagal, you never know. He might be like, what's going on here? And just like grabbing like a feel somehow.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  If anyone, if anyone doesn't know the origin story, when we did the hard to kill rewatchables, there's a scene with Seagal, Mason Storm and his wife, in which, in my opinion, Seagal seems to ad lib, uh, mouth to breast contact, which you just don't fucking

• 1:18:51Bill Simmons?

  do. Lines are crossed. Yeah.

• 1:18:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, like that's, that's not exploring the space. That's not the hot dog in the bar.

• 1:18:56Bill Simmons?

  They're going at it in a, in a real uncomfortable way that, yeah. So that was when

• 1:19:02Speaker 04

  It's alarming.

• 1:19:03Bill Simmons?

  We were worried for the actress. So that's how that category happened.

• 1:19:07Speaker 04

  So that's the award. It's not a good one.

• 1:19:09Bill Simmons?

  What's aged the worst? We've mentioned, um, so many of them.

• 1:19:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:15Bill Simmons?

  Is there anything left on the, any meat on the bone left?

• 1:19:17Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, listen, obviously Seagal has aged the worst in, in every single way.

• 1:19:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we cover that. It's almost like a disclaimer when we do Seagal podcasts. Uh, just Google the last 20 years of Seagal.

• 1:19:26Speaker 04

  It's been tough. At best, he's highly problematic. At worst, he's reprehensible human garbage. We've said that. I'll go on a terribly different note. Uh, Richie's crew's fashion is so fucking 91. Richie, the baddest guy in Brooklyn, is wearing a top button silk shirt from Structure in the mall that never becomes untucked. He's got his bro in the wind suit like a, like a mall walking mom. That's all stuff that's just so early 90s. It looks ridiculous for like this crew of, of psycho badasses.

• 1:19:59Bill Simmons?

  We should have had that in the 1991 part of this podcast.

• 1:20:02Speaker 04

  Richie's crew's outfit, yeah.

• 1:20:03Bill Simmons?

  I'd do that one. I think that's fair.

• 1:20:05Speaker 04

  It's alright.

• 1:20:06Bill Simmons?

  The rough Lohan and Rubenek Partridge over acting award obviously has to go to Seagal.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  Oh, definitely.

• 1:20:12Bill Simmons?

  I don't know how anyone beats him. Did you have anyone else?

• 1:20:15Speaker 04

  Um, there's only one way to refer to him, but like. No pussy since 1969, guys, is at a thousand out of 10 in that wheelchair. He is so worked up. No, Richie, no! He's so nervous the whole time. He's clearly on drugs. They're fucking with him. That guy has 30 seconds of screen time and owns every second of it. And I love that line that he says. It always makes me laugh.

• 1:20:38Bill Simmons?

  The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. Do you have one?

• 1:20:43Speaker 04

  I sure do. My hottest take comes in the form of, Bill, you and I wondering what life would have been like if Seagal was a great guy, who people loved working with and his career continued to flourish. And if that was the case, I think Steven Seagal should have played Tony Soprano. And it's all right there in front of you. David Chase, obviously a fan of this movie. Half the Sopranos call sheet is in this movie. We have a de facto screen test where he does a beautiful scene with Uncle June right there at Carrato's house, where tears are shed and emotions are shared. I think he has the physicality. I think he has the unsettling sexual presence of Tony. And you might say, yeah, well, Seagal's not Italian. Who gives a shit?

• 1:21:28Speaker 04

  Neither is Marlon Brandt, neither is James Caan. And you might say, yeah, but Tony's the big fat guy. Well, that's coming for Seagal. Don't worry about that. He'll get there. I think he plays Tony and I think Johnny Sack, who runs the New York mafia, is played by a great young actor named James Gandolfini. Seagal as Tony Soprano is where his life should have gone.

• 1:21:50Bill Simmons?

  So I had a similar, very good one, by the way. I had a similar one.

• 1:21:55Bill Simmons?

  Because, so David Caruso finally settles in the CSI Miami much later in life and really leans into the unintentional comedy of David Caruso and kind of owns it.

• 1:22:07Speaker 04

  It's great.

• 1:22:07Bill Simmons?

  And I just wonder if CSI Brooklyn was sitting there for Steven Seagal in like 1999.

• 1:22:12Speaker 04

  Oh, no way for Seagal. All right.

• 1:22:14Bill Simmons?

  For Seagal.

• 1:22:15Speaker 04

  How's it look?

• 1:22:17Bill Simmons?

  Well, so CSI comes out in the mid 90s, right? Then they start doing the spinoff ones that do New York. I can't remember how many they've done at this point.

• 1:22:23Speaker 04

  New Orleans, LA, all of them, like they're everywhere.

• 1:22:25Bill Simmons?

  And part of the key is like, you want the unintentional comedy piece. And I just feel like if, if the CSI guy had seen out for justice and be like, hey, is it a crazy idea to do this in Brooklyn with Seagal? But I think Seagal's reputation was so bad. I just don't think anyone's doing a TV show with him. People wanted to get in and out in a 90 minute movie with him. And that's it.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  But he would have been so good at the stupid one liners. You know, like if somebody gets like chopped up by a ceiling fan, he'd be like, I guess he met his biggest fan. And they'd be like, wow, we're won't get fooled again. Like Seagal would be so good at that.

• 1:23:00Bill Simmons?

  He's basically, uh, which Baldwin was in the end of Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Daniel Baldwin?

• 1:23:06Speaker 04

  Billy Baldwin.

• 1:23:07Bill Simmons?

  With Kristen Bell? Yeah. Or one of them, yeah.

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  Crime scene, scene of the crime.

• 1:23:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. He would, that would have been the entire Seagal Brooklyn thing.

• 1:23:15Bill Simmons?

  New category, best I N D stat padding. I thought of this because it's a movie that also co-stars Julianne Margulies, John Leguizamo and Shannon Worry. And if you just put that on an Amazon thing, it seems, but meanwhile, they're in for a combined like two scenes.

• 1:23:32Bill Simmons?

  I will say with Shannon Worry, starts here from 92 to 94, rips off Animal Instincts, Body of Influence, Mirror Images 2, and Animal Instincts 2. There's two Animal Instincts. Mirror Images 2, not her franchise, came in.

• 1:23:49Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 1:23:50Bill Simmons?

  Did that. So those were her next four movies. And then this is another I M D tidbit. Seagal cast Julianne Margulies or claim credit for it.

• 1:24:00Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't like where this is going.

• 1:24:02Bill Simmons?

  You're not going to do this, but she didn't really enjoy working with him.

• 1:24:05Speaker 04

  I don't like where this is going at all.

• 1:24:07Bill Simmons?

  She, she later said in an interview, she regularly saw Seagal working on projects for Warner Brothers when she was doing ER. And he would say to her, Margulies, come over here and show me some respect. And she says in the interview, he's not someone I keep in contact with.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  Oh, Christ. See, where's Noah Wiley to step in and defend? Where's Eric LaSalle? Like, somebody needs to stand up for Margulies. That does not surprise me at all.

• 1:24:32Bill Simmons?

  You know why they should have taken a crack at, or Sticks?

• 1:24:35Speaker 04

  I like the, uh, Sticks, if Stick was there, uh, the stat padding is a great call because you can put all those names on there. It's like, it makes me think of, um, like Frank Gore is like a top five all time rusher or something. And they count his rushing yards with like the Bills and the Dolphins. I hate that. That's like what we're doing here.

• 1:24:52Bill Simmons?

  That's that guy word. Uncle Junior's in this.

• 1:24:56Speaker 04

  Dominic Chianese.

• 1:24:58Bill Simmons?

  So is he Dominic Chianese or is he Uncle Junior?

• 1:25:00Speaker 04

  No, he's Uncle Junior.

• 1:25:01Bill Simmons?

  I think for just about everybody, he's Uncle Junior. So I think he qualifies.

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  A hundred percent Uncle June.

• 1:25:04Bill Simmons?

  And by the way, you mentioned this earlier. He's one scene. He's like fucking De Niro in Raging Bull in the one scene. He's great. He's as good as like any. The other weird thing is he seems older in this movie than he does in the first season of The Sopranos, even though it's 10 years earlier. I don't know. I pulled that up.

• 1:25:20Speaker 04

  Um, it's 90, mid 90s right now, still with us, still performing, like still doing his thing. It's, it's, I, I love, I mean, Uncle June, to me is the funniest character in The Sopranos. And it's so weird to see him. He's so serious here and he cries and it's like, what can I do to keep you from killing my son? I want him to fall in the shower and say, sister's cunt and order Bobby around. He's the best. I love June.

• 1:25:42Bill Simmons?

  So you said his name was Dominic Chianese?

• 1:25:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that's how you say it. I'm butchering it. I think he's 94 years old.

• 1:25:50Bill Simmons?

  I'm looking this up. Cause I was thinking, I always get mad at this when IMDb, they have the thing where when you click on their IMDb, it tells you the four things they're the most known for.

• 1:26:02Speaker 04

  No, I want to see them all. I don't want that.

• 1:26:03Bill Simmons?

  And I want to see if,

• 1:26:06Bill Simmons?

  if they have this for him because Johnny Ola, Godfather two.

• 1:26:12Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:26:13Bill Simmons?

  Basically leads to Fredo's death. He's, he's the catalyst. Sopranos, Uncle Junior. And then I wonder if this is three. So we're going to find out.

• 1:26:22Speaker 06

  I have it. His top four is Godfather, part two, Sopranos, Dog Day Afternoon, and then, and Justice for All.

• 1:26:28Bill Simmons?

  I think that's fair. So for justice doesn't crack it. It's a really strong four.

• 1:26:35Bill Simmons?

  Damn.

• 1:26:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's good.

• 1:26:36Bill Simmons?

  Um, okay. Recasting Couch Director City. We do not have any casting what ifs for this movie, by the way.

• 1:26:46Bill Simmons?

  Not a ton of reporting slash journalism about the making of this movie. You'd be shocked to know.

• 1:26:54Speaker 04

  I looked.

• 1:26:54Bill Simmons?

  Recasting Couch Director City. I agree with you on Gino's wife. I had Annabelle Shiora there. I think a perfect time of her career. I think we could have snuck her in. What did you have?

• 1:27:04Speaker 04

  I got something I think you might like.

• 1:27:07Speaker 04

  I'm looking at a young Mia Sarah. Who Mia Sarah's real name, Bill, is Mia Sarah Pochiello. And she was born and raised in Brooklyn. And I think it's just sitting right there. I looked it up. She's the exact same age as the actress who plays Vicky in this movie. So in this, in five years, she could go from Ferris Bueller's girlfriend to fucking Gino Fellino's wife. I would have loved to see Sloane Peterson in that role.

• 1:27:34Bill Simmons?

  Amazing. Better than mine. I also, I think Paul Sorvino should have been the head of the crime family because he could have done Goodfellas in 90. This movie 91, and then the guy in the firm in 93. He just could have just kept playing heads of crime families.

• 1:27:47Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:27:48Bill Simmons?

  Triple Crown. I forgot to do Dion Waiters. I could give you the pimp in the beginning. I can give you Shannon Wury. I can give you Gina Gershon. I can give you Styx, or I can give you tattoos.

• 1:28:00Speaker 04

  Styx?

• 1:28:01Bill Simmons?

  I think it's Styx. I think Styx wins. What was Styx doing? He's just in the back reading the newspaper.

• 1:28:06Speaker 04

  Also in a, in a jogging suit, just stand. He's just there in case there's a stick fight. And if it escalates to stick fight, then he calls him in and he wins the stick fight, but he loses this. Yeah, let's give it to Styx. I love Styx.

• 1:28:18Bill Simmons?

  So do you think Styx, he had his sticks? In like a case, like how you would carry like, like Vincent in Color Money had his case for his pool cue? You think Styx, there's like, oh shit, stuff's going down. He opens his case, gets his sticks?

• 1:28:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like Walter Subcheck with his bowling ball. Like, it's like, he goes to the sticks when it's time and he loses. But I, Styx getting the Dion Waiters in a, in a cast full of Tony and Emmy award winning actors is why we do this. Fucking, fucking hate Styx.

• 1:28:48Bill Simmons?

  Craig, you have a flex category.

• 1:28:51Speaker 06

  Well, I already did my Tom Cruise one.

• 1:28:53Speaker 04

  Oh, he did baseball.

• 1:28:54Speaker 06

  Well, I was gonna shout out, I love the, um, just all the homages to great Italian movies that I think they thought they were honoring.

• 1:29:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:29:03Speaker 06

  When in reality, it's just like the cheapest references of all, like, what's his name dying in front of the fruit, like the Godfather. There's also a line where Seagal says like, basically all my life, I always wanted to be a gangster. Coming right out of Goodfellas. And then you have the too old for this shit, but there's like all these references where I think he thinks this is the next version of those films.

• 1:29:25Bill Simmons?

  So this could be an interesting rewatchables category. Most insulting homage to better movies.

• 1:29:34Speaker 06

  Most unearned homage.

• 1:29:36Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, homage check.

• 1:29:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:39Bill Simmons?

  It's like, yeah, it's like a little Goodfellas, it's a little Godfather 2. And it's like, no, it's actually not.

• 1:29:45Speaker 06

  Cause he tells the story about when he was a kid, he's like, and since that day, I always wanted to be a gangster. And I'm like, this is just Ray Liotta from Goodfellas.

• 1:29:53Speaker 04

  God, you're right. And it's, and Vanessa Vick, your name should have been Karen. That's a great one. I, I, the, the calendar with Goodfellas is really interesting. Goodfellas comes out the same year, September 17th. They, this is 1990. Out for Justice was shooting for about a month and a half after Goodfellas came out.

• 1:30:11Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:30:11Speaker 04

  So you gotta imagine like, holy shit, Scorsese is killing it, let's rip off. The guy, the, the guy who's the mobster who's looking for Richie all the time, who keeps meeting up with Gino, has a total pesky thing going on, the, the shirt collar, the blow dried hair, like it's, it looks very close.

• 1:30:29Bill Simmons?

  Have, we gotta rip through, we're, we're, we're on pace to be longer than the movie, so I'm gonna go faster.

• 1:30:34Speaker 04

  Let's do two part, Bill, two part Out for Justice.

• 1:30:37Bill Simmons?

  So he names the German shepherd puppy Coraggio, that's Italian for courage or bravery.

• 1:30:44Bill Simmons?

  Richie was inspired by Gus Ferrucci, a Bonanno family associate, subject of a manhunt, eventually caught and killed by a mob hitman. So that's where they got that. The Theatral Trailer shows two deleted scenes. Richie's shooting inside a clothing store from where he took a new shirt, which is somehow he shirt changes during this course of the day. We don't know. And then another scene where the police captain tells Gino that his body count is coming up. We also see Richie and the guys breaking into the house where Gino's wife is trying to find her, leaving when the neighbors show up and some other stuff. Leguizamo, who doesn't interact with Seagal in this movie, but did

• 1:31:29Bill Simmons?

  an executive decision.

• 1:31:30Speaker 04

  Not a fan.

• 1:31:31Bill Simmons?

  Complained after that Seagal is an asshole and he actually hurt him slamming him against the wall. And then Forsyth said the same thing, that he got hurt during the fight scene.

• 1:31:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:31:40Bill Simmons?

  Seagal, much like a wrestler, works, works rough. It's like why people didn't like Goldberg. And then, uh, this is a story, again, half fast on your research, but this is Shannon Worry telling this story. She wore that outfit with the, uh, the short tight black shirt with the yellow ribbon on her neck. She said when Seagal walked in, he asked, what the fuck is the ribbon for? And she replied, I'm trying to draw your eyes upwards. So when you say you're looking at my ribbon and you're really looking at my tits, then I don't have to beat the shit out of you. And she said from that moment on, they really got along because he liked her sense of humor. That's another one where I don't, it's, it's too elaborate

• 1:32:22Bill Simmons?

  to be made up. But Seagal's like, I like this. I like the mouth on this one. This is a good one. Yeah. Tough one. Apex Mountain. Seagal, maybe. It's either this or Under Siege.

• 1:32:35Speaker 04

  This leads to Under Siege. It's his next movie and it's, it's Under Siege is his biggest movie. So it's, it's probably Under Siege. He's going toe to toe with Tommy Lee. He gets a sequel. I think it's that.

• 1:32:46Bill Simmons?

  Forsyth, I'm going to say yes. Coming up Dick Tracy. It's looking great for him at this point.

• 1:32:51Speaker 04

  Definitely.

• 1:32:52Bill Simmons?

  Gershon, no. I had Cocktails 88, This is 90. I forgot that wasn't the same year, but it's probably later. She's in, um, she's in some good stuff in the nineties. She's in Face Off, like.

• 1:33:04Speaker 04

  She did that movie Bound with Jennifer Tilly, which was a real conversation piece. I love that movie.

• 1:33:09Bill Simmons?

  Uh, Brooklyn as a TV movie location, I'm gonna say no. Mob movies, no.

• 1:33:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:33:17Bill Simmons?

  Pool hall fight scenes. He got my attention. Just trying to think of a better one.

• 1:33:23Speaker 04

  I have it as Apex Mountain for ad libbed weapons and that beats a lot of competition from Born. The Joker in the Dark Knight uses a pencil. I still will go with the cue ball in the Talbot.

• 1:33:36Bill Simmons?

  Well, that's another one. Things wrapped in a towel or a blanket or some sort of weapon. I think this might be it. Although Sean Penn in Bad Boys with the sodas and the pillowcases. Pillowcase is another good weapon.

• 1:33:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:33:55Bill Simmons?

  That's really all I have. I mean, I could keep going any Apex Mountain, but we don't need to.

• 1:33:59Speaker 04

  That's okay.

• 1:34:00Bill Simmons?

  Cruise or Hanks?

• 1:34:03Speaker 04

  We, I can't have Cruise doing an Italian accent. I actually am going to go Hanks on this. And I know it's hard, but I think in this category, the movie that gets overlooked a lot is Road to Perdition, where Hanks kicks ass and has machine guns and kills people in cold blood. It's a tough role for either of them, but I'll take Hanks over Cruise. I couldn't hear Cruise doing that accent.

• 1:34:23Bill Simmons?

  I have Cruise, so Craig's the tiebreaker. Craig, come in the Zoom.

• 1:34:26Speaker 04

  As Gino.

• 1:34:27Bill Simmons?

  Stop depriving us.

• 1:34:28Speaker 06

  Oh, man. I kind of want to abstain. This is one of the hardest.

• 1:34:32Bill Simmons?

  You can't.

• 1:34:33Speaker 04

  It's a tough one.

• 1:34:34Speaker 06

  This is a true, like, either scenario is terrible.

• 1:34:38Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:34:38Speaker 06

  Hanks or Cruise as Gino?

• 1:34:41Bill Simmons?

  I think Cruise is much funnier.

• 1:34:44Speaker 06

  Cruise has the unintentional comedy.

• 1:34:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:34:47Speaker 06

  Hanks is perhaps a little, I was leaning Hanks, but Hanks would be too aware to do this movie. Cruise might be that perfect blend of unaware to pull it off.

• 1:34:54Bill Simmons?

  We're still in the cocktail, kind of far away, far and away era of Cruise where he wasn't self-aware with the stuff he was picking in. I think Cruise, I think he tries to do an Italian accent.

• 1:35:06Speaker 04

  You guys can sit there and hear Cruise say, "There ain't nobody upstairs." Like, I don't know.

• 1:35:11Bill Simmons?

  He did an Irish accent in a movie for two hours in the same year.

• 1:35:15Speaker 04

  It was rough. He does wear a beret and taps, so there is for that. If Craig says Cruise, I'll respect it.

• 1:35:23Bill Simmons?

  Cruise wins.

• 1:35:24Speaker 06

  I hate both sides.

• 1:35:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:26Bill Simmons?

  Thanks, Craig. Scorsese or Spielberg? I'm going to say Scorsese. Since they're ripping the movie off.

• 1:35:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just, I wish in The Color of Money, there was a part where Paul Newman put a cue ball in one of the towels and just started beating the shit out of everybody. That was missing from that movie. But no, you just replace No Sleep Till Brooklyn with Paint It Black, and it's a Scorsese movie.

• 1:35:46Bill Simmons?

  We did a lot of picking nits already. I only have two more. Gino goes and checks out Bobby's desk and finds cocaine, money, and sex Polaroids?

• 1:35:54Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:35:55Bill Simmons?

  This is the biggest cop murder in New York City of the year. Nobody looks at his desk for three days?

• 1:36:00Speaker 04

  And he opens it with a switchblade. Like, they always do that dumb shit.

• 1:36:03Bill Simmons?

  There's just, there's just a big bag of cocaine. Oh, he must be dirty. Here's a bag of cocaine. The Polaroids themselves, I just don't understand why they were shot that way.

• 1:36:13Speaker 04

  Yep, timer.

• 1:36:14Bill Simmons?

  And then Bobby's widow just keeps a dirty sex Polaroid of her dead husband in her purse?

• 1:36:22Bill Simmons?

  She's carrying that around the grocery store? Like, didn't want to just put that in a book in the library? Nothing?

• 1:36:27Speaker 04

  I'm trying to protect him.

• 1:36:30Bill Simmons?

  In your purse? The easiest thing to steal from you? That's where you're keeping the Polaroid?

• 1:36:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, not good.

• 1:36:36Bill Simmons?

  What do you have? Any nitpicks?

• 1:36:37Speaker 04

  I'll do one quick one. And back to the baseball scene, you thought we've covered everything. He kicks his son, he's got the glove. There in Steven Seagal's house is a samurai sword at the eye level of the child. He's a 10-year-old child, there's a fucking sword in the hallway. Like, when that kid's friends come over, they're gonna kill each other with that thing. You cannot have a sword. If you do, it better be way up on top of a cabinet. It's about three feet in the main hallway of the house. Get out of here.

• 1:37:03Bill Simmons?

  Terrible dog father, terrible father.

• 1:37:05Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:37:06Bill Simmons?

  Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all black cast or untouchable? Untouchable, obviously.

• 1:37:11Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:37:12Bill Simmons?

  Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Doris Burke, Sam Jackson, Nell, Byron Mayo, Barney Cousins, Tony Romo, Harling Mays, Chris Collins, or Daniel Plainview, Long Legs, or Wilford Brimley in The Firm? Any thoughts?

• 1:37:26Speaker 04

  We started with an Arthur Miller quote. Arthur Miller's daughter is married to Daniel Day Lewis. That is his son in law. I'd like to see Plainview walk into the bar and say, ladies and gentlemen, if I say I'm looking for Richie, you'll agree. I've traveled over half of Brooklyn to be here tonight. This is my son, Tony. We'll keep coming back here till one of you builds a pipeline or remembers seeing Richie. I want to see him with the cue ball and the towel and all that. Plainview would fuck those people up.

• 1:37:57Bill Simmons?

  That was great. That I was really like captivated by that for a second.

• 1:38:01Speaker 04

  We need it.

• 1:38:02Bill Simmons?

  Um, I just think Doris Burke probably has to be in this.

• 1:38:08Speaker 04

  Who does she see?

• 1:38:11Bill Simmons?

  This young man Richie has just been running amok in Brooklyn. It's like France and Germany and World War II. I don't know. It just feels like we need Doris to set the scene with Richie. There's a lot of scene setting these days.

• 1:38:26Speaker 04

  We see you, Vicky. We see you at home with Tony. I get it.

• 1:38:30Bill Simmons?

  We see you, Sticks, and we see you tattoos.

• 1:38:33Speaker 04

  Sticks.

• 1:38:35Bill Simmons?

  This young man Richie has lost his mind.

• 1:38:38Speaker 04

  I'm so excited to who won the movie because I know it's going to be Sticks at this point. Sticks is sweeping the Oscars.

• 1:38:44Bill Simmons?

  Just one Oscar who gets it. Forsyth?

• 1:38:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, Forsyth for best supporting. He would have had to beat Jack Palance and City Slickers and two nominees from Bugsy. I think we could at least give him a nomination.

• 1:38:55Bill Simmons?

  I think it's fair. Probably an answerable questions. Has anyone seen Richie? They did answer it. But why did Richie kill Bobby? You, even when you mentioned it was because they have sleep with the same girl, I think. But that you don't even, none of us know.

• 1:39:12Speaker 04

  Not really. He's on drugs. There was a sex thing. I think he's always hated Bobby since childhood, but it's because he's Richie.

• 1:39:19Bill Simmons?

  What piece of memorabilia would you want or not want?

• 1:39:23Speaker 04

  This is tough.

• 1:39:24Bill Simmons?

  From this movie?

• 1:39:27Bill Simmons?

  I I'm going with the baseball glove that Seagal uses that he puts on his hand. A game, a movie game, movie set game worn Seagal baseball glove. Cause it's the only time his hand has ever gone into one.

• 1:39:40Speaker 04

  That he that he holds his hand like Cuado from Total Recall like backwards. All right, this and this, this is tougher than Cruiser Hanks. I either want the beret or I want the towel with the cue ball.

• 1:39:53Bill Simmons?

  Oh, oh, the beret is a good one. That that's probably the answer.

• 1:39:57Speaker 04

  I I I like the bar towel so much. I'll be like, this is the actual cue ball that he hits tattoos in the face with. I'm gonna go.

• 1:40:03Bill Simmons?

  So maybe it's the cue ball.

• 1:40:05Speaker 04

  But I need the towel as well.

• 1:40:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Cue ball with the towel. Okay. I like.

• 1:40:09Speaker 04

  It's part and parcel.

• 1:40:10Bill Simmons?

  Coach Finstak or best life lesson?

• 1:40:15Speaker 04

  What you got?

• 1:40:17Bill Simmons?

  Just tell Gino if you saw Richie. Save us all a lot of time.

• 1:40:20Speaker 04

  If you've seen Richie, will you tell Gino, please?

• 1:40:22Bill Simmons?

  Just tell him he's asking, he's been asking around, just tell him you saw Richie.

• 1:40:26Speaker 04

  Why Richie did Bobby Lupo, tell him that too. He's looking, he's helping.

• 1:40:29Bill Simmons?

  Give me info. He's gonna find out he's Gino. What do you have for best double feature choice?

• 1:40:35Speaker 04

  Uh, the one that came before this, Mark for Death and Gino or Gino fighting, uh, Hatcher fighting Screwface. This, the slogan is, he's a good cop in a bad mood, which took three seconds to think of. I like Mark for Death. What do you got?

• 1:40:48Bill Simmons?

  I think Hard to Kill.

• 1:40:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's excellent.

• 1:40:51Bill Simmons?

  Because, because you can watch him with a normal accent.

• 1:40:56Bill Simmons?

  And him trying to do the Titanic. And I said, hey.

• 1:41:01Bill Simmons?

  Uh, who won the movie? It's, it's hard not to give it to, uh, to our guy Seagal.

• 1:41:07Speaker 04

  It led to Under Siege and, uh, he was another number one movie and you can't take your eyes off him. I, I think we, it's fun to say this at the end, we make fun of him. But in like three or four movies, I really like watching them and I'll watch those movies until the day that I die. And so I thank him for that, for all his faults.

• 1:41:24Bill Simmons?

  It's Seagal, and now we're gonna bring in producer Craig.

• 1:41:27Speaker 04

  Let's go Craig.

• 1:41:27Bill Simmons?

  I think we have a feeling that he enjoys not only this movie, but this entire genre that we've introduced to him and brought into his life. Craig, your thoughts?

• 1:41:36Speaker 06

  I really have fallen in love with these movies. It's some of Seagal's best work, I have to say. And it's usually, it's because it's trying the hardest to make him seem cool, which I think directly correlates with how enjoyable the movie is. He's really the only movie star that you could more easily convince somebody who's never heard of him that he is an adult film star acting in a porn parody of a real movie than actually acting in a legit Hollywood film.

• 1:42:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:03Speaker 06

  He's like, it's like a Truman Show experiment with Seagal. Like this whole thing of like, can we convince a random guy that he's a good actor and an action star while just making like the worst movies possible? It's, I, I love it. I also think the stick fighting is legitimately good.

• 1:42:18Speaker 04

  It is.

• 1:42:18Speaker 06

  We make, we joke about sticks. I thought that back and forth was legit, well-done action.

• 1:42:23Speaker 04

  Um, the people are gonna freak out. The, the guy who plays Sticks has a deep, deep martial arts background and is considered a legend in those circles. Like, that's not just some actor.

• 1:42:30Speaker 06

  You can tell, both of them.

• 1:42:31Speaker 04

  That's a real guy.

• 1:42:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, they were really going at it. That was impressive.

• 1:42:34Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:42:34Bill Simmons?

  So that's another case for Cruz versus Hanks for Cruz, cuz I think Cruz would have spent three, four, or five months trying to figure out the stick fight.

• 1:42:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:42:43Bill Simmons?

  I don't think Hanks puts in that kinda time.

• 1:42:46Speaker 06

  Um, I also love that, not many movies, like immediately is, the second the movie ends, the credits are just back to cool shots of Steven Seagal. Which like, that would be like if the second Mission Impossible ended, it's just like back to ta- like earlier scenes from the movie of Tom Cruise running and punching people, which is just trying to jam as much Seagal into the movie as possible, so they had to fit him into the credits as well.

• 1:43:09Speaker 04

  I wish Craig, there was a post-credit scene of him just hitting Jax with his son at some local baseball field. That's what I wanna see more than anything, goddammit.

• 1:43:16Speaker 06

  I wanna see him in the batter's cage, yeah.

• 1:43:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43:17Bill Simmons?

  You know, we really fucked up not bringing that post-credit scene up cuz it immediately comes in and the first thing we see is him running, and of course, every time he runs, it's the worst thing that he does.

• 1:43:28Speaker 06

  It's him with the beret at the beginning with the pimp. They cut right back to that in the credits. Wonderful.

• 1:43:32Bill Simmons?

  Running on empty. So I wonder if the director hated him so much.

• 1:43:38Bill Simmons?

  That he put that in, and again, Seagal not self-aware is like, yeah, that's cool. I like that. I like when I'm running, but meanwhile, he's running like, it's almost like he doesn't have any vertebrae. Like he's, he's like a bobblehead. I don't know what he does with his hands when he runs. It's hilarious.

• 1:43:53Speaker 06

  Can I give a like a, like a, a soft hottest take?

• 1:43:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:57Speaker 06

  I think we need to bring back kind of movie dictators. I think we need to bring back when one person just had kind of complete control. Because I think it goes back to what you were saying, Bill, about we've lost the unintentional comedy. We had that because Seagal was just like running the show and he thought he was awesome. And what he said goes, and now everything is so market tested now where when movies are bad, they're watered down bad. There's nothing random about them. Now it's like, I just watched that movie, The Fountain of Youth with John Krasinski. It's terrible on Apple, but there's nothing, there's no unintentional comedy. It's just a bad movie that has been glossed over on the edges. We need to bring back movie dictators who are just like, it is only me and my brain decides what goes in this film. Cause then you get gems like this.

• 1:44:40Bill Simmons?

  Well, so what Craig just said, so we were all running Apple. We get Jason Momoa and we're like, we want you to be a cop. It's a blank slate. We're going to give you no notes and we're not going to test the movie after it's done.

• 1:44:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what I want.

• 1:44:54Bill Simmons?

  Do your thing. We trust you. We think you're a thinker and an actor. And then it just goes completely wrong and we let it happen.

• 1:45:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, we'll give you 30, 40 million dollars and just do whatever you want. And then, you know, our culture has changed so much as like as a society, I can't believe that just 30 years ago, the opening scene with him in the beret and the freeze frame on his face, like that's just unbelievable that that, that happened, it worked and it made a lot of money and we wouldn't even get close to allowing something like that.

• 1:45:21Speaker 04

  The hot dog wouldn't be in the movie now. It's just stupid because some focus group would have said it doesn't work. You're right, Craig.

• 1:45:27Bill Simmons?

  The closest we have now is like ESPN hiring Schrager and then having people on a split screen not selling his jokes. That's the closest we have now to unintentional comedy.

• 1:45:38Speaker 04

  Well, you don't know how right you are. There's that scene in the movie where Richie says, you got the balls for it? The guy goes, yeah. Well, now you got the bread. That's how Peter was hired away from Good Morning Football. Someone from ESPN walked in and said, do you want to go and get up with Greenie? He's like, yeah, I got the balls for it. Well, now you got the bread, Schrager. And I haven't talked to him since.

• 1:45:54Bill Simmons?

  That we have guys in a split screen just scowling at your takes.

• 1:45:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, stone face.

• 1:46:00Speaker 06

  Also, like, can I just say, me having to pay 3.99 for this movie is a fucking joke. That's ridiculous. This movie should be free on a streaming service, not free, but if I have a subscription to most of streaming services.

• 1:46:12Speaker 04

  You gotta pay more.

• 1:46:14Speaker 06

  And I have to pay for this movie?

• 1:46:15Bill Simmons?

  So I'm going the other way. I rented it for $3.99.

• 1:46:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:46:18Bill Simmons?

  And after I rented it, I regretted not buying it. And I think the $3.99 should have gone to the purchase price on Amazon. So it's like, if you want to buy this movie.

• 1:46:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:46:28Bill Simmons?

  For six more dollars, you can take it down completely because I think I would have done it, but I didn't want to spend more than the price.

• 1:46:35Speaker 06

  If we're trying to spread the gospel of Seagal movies, it can't be $3.99. It's gotta be on Tubi.

• 1:46:40Bill Simmons?

  Here's my question, like, you see those bundles like they have on Fandango and some of these, Amazon will have them where it's like five, you know, appetal movies. And you could buy five streaming appetal movies for like $19.99. You get like Superbad and Four Year Old Virgin. Why isn't the Seagal five pack out yet or seven pack?

• 1:46:59Speaker 06

  All, every Seagal movie for seven bucks.

• 1:47:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, for, yeah, $14.99. I just get the complete Seagal catalog.

• 1:47:07Speaker 04

  You know, you need like, like, I think five movies, maybe four and you're set. You get the whole thing. You don't need all that. I mean, he's made 100 direct to DVD. You don't need that shit. It's not a big collection.

• 1:47:16Bill Simmons?

  I don't want anything past 95.

• 1:47:18Speaker 06

  There's a great app called Just Watch and you can type in any movie or TV show and it tells you where you can watch it for on streaming, where you can rent it, where you can buy it. And I'm always, you know, I always punch it in before every rewatchable. I was like, I, you know, I'm assuming I can watch Out for Justice for free somewhere, of course, $3.99.

• 1:47:34Speaker 04

  $3.99, baby.

• 1:47:36Bill Simmons?

  I go on Just Watch every week to see if this is the week that Kiss of Death and Eddie and the Cruisers are back on cable. And the answer is always no.

• 1:47:44Speaker 04

  It's like.

• 1:47:45Bill Simmons?

  The sure thing.

• 1:47:46Speaker 04

  When they come back, people freak out and they put it up there. You look, you check for it.

• 1:47:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. All right. Kyle Brandt, what are you up to all summer?

• 1:47:53Speaker 04

  Right now I'm looking at my Google results that say, does the UFC stop a fight if a fighter shits his pants? That's what I'm looking at. Um, I'm still doing Good Morning Football on NFL Network. I'm there. He's come check us out. Um, I'm coaching Little League Baseball, coaching lacrosse. I'm just doing my thing up here, Bill, in the East Coast suburbs.

• 1:48:11Speaker 06

  You got your mitt, you got your ball.

• 1:48:13Speaker 04

  I got the ball and I'm gonna kick my son in the head.

• 1:48:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, you're coming. I know we have a couple more on the list, so we'll see you a couple more times this summer, but it was great to see you. Thanks to producer Greg Horbeck as well, and we'll be back on the rewatchables next week. Thank you.

• 1:48:42Speaker 09

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Pricing participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 1:48:58Speaker 10

  What's the secret to being a great host this season? Keeping things deliciously simple, like mixing Simply Cranberry into a festive drink as guests arrive, or serving up a warm mug of Simply Apple on a chilly night. That means less time behind the scenes and more time in the moment with everyone. Crafted with real fruit, Simply juices and fruit drinks make any holiday drink effortless, inviting, and completely delicious. Simply. Say yes to simple.