Mystery’s Boys Solve DeRosa’s Dad! | FILE_09 | Mystery Boys

Duncan Trussell is touring all over! Check out his tour dates at http://duncantrussell.com/tour SPONSORS: Head to http://Factormeals.com/mystery50off and use code mystery50off to get 50% off. Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code MYSTERY. Visit https://BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell. This week, comedian Ryan Long joins the boys for a deep dive into neuro-linguistic programming, Jehovah's Witnesses, false prophets, and whether the film industry itself is one giant psychological operation. The investigation quickly spirals into Terry Crews' alleged goon lore, Kabbalah, German filmmaker Uwe Boll, Bono, the Pope's wardrobe, Etsy witches, George Bush's wife's mysterious jar, and the hidden genius of J. J. Abrams. The mysteries only get stranger as the conversation expands into FLDS cults, consciousness transfer, the Franklin scandal, Cecil Rhodes, and a brand-new mysterious discovery that somehow ties everything together. Ryan attempts to keep up while Kurt and Duncan connect dots that probably weren't meant to be connected. This is not a conspiracy podcast. This is a mystery appreciation podcast. Mystery Boys File_009 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussellhttps://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedyhttps://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcasthttps://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:05 - The Works of Mystery 00:01:59 - Ryan Long's Mys-Understanding 00:03:34 - Neuro Linguistic Programming 00:04:47 - Kurt Metzger Knocking Doors As A Jehovah Witness 00:08:30 - The False Prophet Jacket 00:10:14 - Who Are The Jehovah Witness People? 00:13:21 - The Film Industry Is A Lie 00:18:00 - Terry Crews, OG Gooner 00:24:10 - Kabbalah Kurt 00:42:58 - German Director Uwe Boll 00:47:16 - Bono and U2 00:49:46 - Why Does The Pope Dress Like That? 00:51:18 - The Witches Of Etsy 00:56:39 - George Bush's Wife's Special Jar 01:03:47 - The Genius Of JJ Abrams 01:08:01 - The FLDS Cult leader 01:15:17 - Transferring Consciousness 01:26:39 - The Franklin Scandal 01:34:56 - Cecil Rhodes 01:45:15 - A New Mysterious Discovery 01:56:26 - Weiner Gets Yelled At By Trans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:22Kurt Metzger?

  Welcome to the Mystery Boys. I'm of course, I'm Kermy's, Trezor, Klosmus, Excalibur, etc., etc. With me is, oh, is this my partner?

• 0:31Duncan Trussell?

  Heb Fravor.

• 0:33Kurt Metzger?

  Heb Fravor. And, uh, uh, something of a real, uh, uh, mystery man, pickleboardist, really.

• 0:40Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, yeah.

• 0:40Kurt Metzger?

  Ryan Long.

• 0:42Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, yeah.

• 0:42Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Ryan, I, you were talking about doing a beautiful tribute to the, uh, pickleboardist mystery who I, I don't know if, do your kids, uh, remember mystery in the booth there?

• 0:53Kurt Metzger?

  No, you, okay, well, there he is.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, we know him here.

• 0:56Duncan Trussell?

  We wanted to-

• 0:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, wait, he didn't pick you up? Did he work his magic on you?

• 1:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:02Kurt Metzger?

  What, now, uh, do you, but you, you've seen what he does, right?

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, total ladies man.

• 1:09Kurt Metzger?

  Have you, do you think that that works as a lady? Do you, has that ever worked on you with somebody?

• 1:15Speaker 02

  No, absolutely not.

• 1:17Kurt Metzger?

  But why? Like, you could tell that they're doing a pickup?

• 1:21Speaker 02

  There's just something about his aura that just doesn't-

• 1:24Duncan Trussell?

  You think his aura is chopped?

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's so chopped.

• 1:28Kurt Metzger?

  Um, well, I mean, he looks like a, a blazing homosexual is probably one of them.

• 1:34Duncan Trussell?

  I think that's part of the way in.

• 1:36Kurt Metzger?

  That's usually how you get chicks.

• 1:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. What, so you, you did tune into something which originally, and I guess we should just say this now, we did want to call the show Mysteries Boys.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:46Duncan Trussell?

  But we couldn't get licensing.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Well, then I would have been in a better situation. Yeah, I was like a couple guys paying homage to the goat.

• 1:52Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I understand the misunderstanding. I see what you're saying. You thought that we were from-

• 1:58Speaker 03

  I thought the Mystery Boys was some boys, kind of were under Mysteries Ring.

• 2:02Kurt Metzger?

  Boys with him.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  You, you read the mystery method. Yeah, you're a part of his entourage.

• 2:06Kurt Metzger?

  I never read it. What is the mystery met, what is the method?

• 2:09Speaker 03

  I brushed up on it because I thought that for research for the pod.

• 2:12Duncan Trussell?

  Well, give us a synopsis. What's the method?

• 2:15Speaker 03

  So you, Keno is a big one. So it's a very obvious. So for example, if I was talking.

• 2:19Kurt Metzger?

  That means theater in German, Duncan.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Does mean theater in German, but in pickup artist language. Like if I was just talking to you, you know, I'm not really developing a connection. But if I said like, oh, it's so great to see you, man. Like you sort of.

• 2:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you touch people while you say?

• 2:32Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's neuro linguistic programming.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I might just even just put your, you sort of put your hand on their face. And then you're developing sort of a connection.

• 2:40Kurt Metzger?

  So you're telling me to palm a girl's face when at the, in a public place and that's the secret?

• 2:45Duncan Trussell?

  The secret is, well, the idea is like.

• 2:46Kurt Metzger?

  Is that why I'm still a front virgin?

• 2:48Duncan Trussell?

  You know, neuro linguistic programming, right? Like you go like this.

• 2:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, the Twilight language, sure do.

• 2:52Duncan Trussell?

  What's something, what's your favorite vacation you've ever taken?

• 2:55Kurt Metzger?

  I had a wonderful time in Hawaii, Kauai.

• 2:57Duncan Trussell?

  It was great in Hawaii. And then like the idea is you kind of start winking anytime you pat them.

• 3:03Kurt Metzger?

  It's like really annoying though. I'm trying to think of my favorite.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Every, every time you touch them, they're a little closer to sucking you off. And yeah. That's average frustrated chumps. Don't get that. That's the people that don't understand the mystery method.

• 3:14Duncan Trussell?

  They're called frustrated chumps?

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Average frustrated chumps.

• 3:16Kurt Metzger?

  John Thomas Grinder.

• 3:19Duncan Trussell?

  That can't be his name. That can't be the name. What? The guy who invented this, his name is John Grinder?

• 3:26Speaker 03

  No relation.

• 3:29Duncan Trussell?

  There it is, folks. It's right there. They put it right in front of you.

• 3:33Kurt Metzger?

  As a master of Kabala, I never would have could have, that's like, almost like Bible code level coincidence, you know?

• 3:40Duncan Trussell?

  It makes me believe we're in a simulator. John Grinder.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Epstein Clinton all used the mystery method.

• 3:47Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, yeah. Well, that's, I mean, it works for other things besides, uh.

• 3:52Duncan Trussell?

  It works for selling cars.

• 3:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. When I worked at Nobody Beats the Whiz years ago, the, the manual, I swear to God, it said this. It says, when a customer says no, what they really mean is I need to know more.

• 4:07Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, I mean, is that a good, uh?

• 4:09Speaker 03

  No means yes. It's about selling cars.

• 4:12Kurt Metzger?

  It's like you want it, you just don't know it yet.

• 4:14Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what's the name of the place you worked?

• 4:16Kurt Metzger?

  It was called The Wiz. Well, Nobody Beats The Wiz, then it was The Wiz.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  They used to have commercials.

• 4:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, nobody beats The Wiz, nobody, you remember The Wiz?

• 4:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I remember The Wiz. I didn't.

• 4:25Kurt Metzger?

  The Jamal Brothers.

• 4:26Duncan Trussell?

  This is a car? This is for selling cars?

• 4:28Speaker 03

  He was like a pickup artist for money. Not women.

• 4:31Kurt Metzger?

  No, I was a pickup artist for, uh, God because I was knocking on doors.

• 4:35Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  You were 100%.

• 4:37Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  A pick, you were.

• 4:39Duncan Trussell?

  Pickup artist for God.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  You were caring for God.

• 4:41Kurt Metzger?

  I gotta tell you, they used to caution us against touching the householders when we. They said it wasn't a good witness.

• 4:47Duncan Trussell?

  Did you call them?

• 4:48Kurt Metzger?

  Now I see that's why I didn't convert anybody.

• 4:49Duncan Trussell?

  Did you call them householders? That's what you called them?

• 4:51Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Duncan Trussell?

  That was like in the church, that's what you called them.

• 4:53Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you gotta mark, sometimes they're like, never come here again. So you gotta write that down.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  Did Jehovah's ever do cold calls? Like how, you know.

• 5:00Kurt Metzger?

  There ain't no colder call than knocking on a stranger's door.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  John, Kurt here. What's it gonna take to get you some God this afternoon?

• 5:06Kurt Metzger?

  That would be great. No, I'd go to their house and knock on their goddamn door.

• 5:10Duncan Trussell?

  Did you ever?

• 5:11Kurt Metzger?

  Do you understand how weird that is?

• 5:12Duncan Trussell?

  Did you ever convert anybody?

• 5:13Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 5:14Duncan Trussell?

  Not once. You've never had one conversion?

• 5:17Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I use people that believe in what they do and knocking on doors and it's, but I just like that if I could get somebody to let me in their house. Now, I don't know if that's the right attitude. Christian wise.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  If you take a shit in their house, you're, you're, that's, you're in the door.

• 5:30Kurt Metzger?

  I find that to be a conversion if I was able to do a number two.

• 5:33Duncan Trussell?

  That's huge.

• 5:34Kurt Metzger?

  That's a lot of trust you built up in one sitting.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Do you know anyone who's ever, you have zero conversions? Anyone in your squad of your, your, your God pickup artist squad?

• 5:42Kurt Metzger?

  That got, yeah.

• 5:43Duncan Trussell?

  Like on the spot, in the house, someone's like, oh my God, this is what I've been waiting for my whole life.

• 5:48Kurt Metzger?

  I saw a guy come in, I can't remember who, whose door, because most people are gonna say no to that. They tell you that. It's not like you got like sales numbers you gotta.

• 5:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:57Kurt Metzger?

  You're not, because you're not selling it really. I mean, there was like 35 cents or nothing if you didn't want to pay.

• 6:02Duncan Trussell?

  Well, but what is?

• 6:02Kurt Metzger?

  But the whole thing was, is, uh, I remember this guy came in, it was like a, this family and the dude when he came in had, he had been like a meth head and he had no teeth.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 6:12Kurt Metzger?

  And then, um, I, and then I remember there's like, they're all happy family and also he's got new teeth and they're all happy, you know? Some people that works for, you know?

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Jehovah flipped them.

• 6:20Kurt Metzger?

  Look, I'm not, I don't think that there's, that's the one true religion or something now, I'm not in it. But whatever helps you not be a meth head, I'm happy for you, man, if you've got new teeth and you're not.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, it could have been Scientology, he just needed something.

• 6:35Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I bet it's a lot cheaper than Scientology. Lot cheaper on the pocketbook.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  What gear do you have to buy for Jehovah, just the one book?

• 6:43Kurt Metzger?

  You had to have a suit. Like to look respectable.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 6:46Kurt Metzger?

  Lock it on.

• 6:47Duncan Trussell?

  So you have to buy your own suit?

• 6:49Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, no, they're not, but let's say you're like, I'm so poor, I can't afford a suit, somebody would just help you with it. The congregation I went to, that's.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Set up a payment plan, yeah.

• 6:59Kurt Metzger?

  You know, the whole idea is you have, they call them the friends at the hall, or the, any religion that's like, like, I would think is gonna have something like, where you feel like you're part of a thing and they all help each other out. That's why there's so many affinity scams directed at Christians.

• 7:12Duncan Trussell?

  Right, you know what, can we try something? Let's imagine that we live together. Do what you would normally do when you were doing these door to doors, we've let you in now.

• 7:22Kurt Metzger?

  I, I, let me tell you something I hated the most, besides going door to door. Um, rehearsing my, not gonna, I'm gonna, my mom be like, she wanna hear my pitch, and I'd be like, it felt fucking horrible.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Well, let's hear what you would do. You'll never.

• 7:35Kurt Metzger?

  So, no, you don't understand the level, you don't even understand what you're asking me to do.

• 7:39Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sorry if it's uncomfortable.

• 7:40Kurt Metzger?

  And I know, does your dress like that FLDS, something like that?

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Opener's a big part of the mystery method.

• 7:45Kurt Metzger?

  Duncan to understand how beautiful.

• 7:46Duncan Trussell?

  Opener, what's your opener?

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, with girls, you say something like, hey, we, we were just talking, do you guys think eight inches better or 10?

• 7:52Kurt Metzger?

  You know what I did, I would try to neg them. Like, this house is kinda fat.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  We don't want you, yeah.

• 7:57Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, I told them they look fat.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  You call those tits?

• 7:59Kurt Metzger?

  When they answer the door, like, we're not interested, I go, is she always like this?

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Eight.

• 8:05Duncan Trussell?

  Your dog smells like shit.

• 8:07Kurt Metzger?

  I want Duncan to see his beautiful outfit he's got on, it's of, um.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, I was told the people in this house were hot, I must be, is this number 10?

• 8:15Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's here, cause they said everybody's really hot. I'm kinda chunky. Chunky's worse than fat, so wait, put, uh, show, show false prophet Netflix. And, uh, you know the, what I'm talking about, that documentary about the guy who took over after Warren Jeffs?

• 8:30Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I don't remember him wearing this, I saw that whole doc, how'd I forget he wore this?

• 8:34Kurt Metzger?

  This is all I could focus on, was this beautiful coat. Uh, the, yeah, there's gotta be a shot of him in the, and put white leather jacket. That's very hard to get, that jacket.

• 8:44Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 8:45Kurt Metzger?

  And great spelling of leather.

• 8:49Kurt Metzger?

  You might, okay, let's see. Keep going, keep going. I don't see it yet. Where is it? Oh, there he's wearing it.

• 8:55Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, fuck.

• 8:56Kurt Metzger?

  That's the only shot we got of it.

• 8:57Duncan Trussell?

  Now I know who I am today. All right.

• 8:59Kurt Metzger?

  Look at, you got the same hair.

• 9:00Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, yeah.

• 9:01Kurt Metzger?

  Look at, yes. Look at that jacket.

• 9:03Duncan Trussell?

  Dang it.

• 9:04Kurt Metzger?

  You look at a guy who said, now there's a pickup artist.

• 9:08Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 9:09Kurt Metzger?

  What a great look next to your child brides.

• 9:13Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that.

• 9:14Kurt Metzger?

  I know the Queen loved it. Do you know anything about Mormons, why they're obsessed with the Queen of England? Does anybody know?

• 9:19Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know they were.

• 9:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they got like a weird thing.

• 9:23Duncan Trussell?

  You don't want to do like, you can't, you can't do like, I don't mean to push you on this, but it would be kind of cool to hear like how you would try to.

• 9:29Kurt Metzger?

  It would not be cool.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  You don't remember, you don't remember your lines?

• 9:32Kurt Metzger?

  And I don't remember my lines. It wouldn't be cool. I didn't enjoy doing it and I doubt that people enjoyed hearing it.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  That is the stereotype is most annoying people.

• 9:43Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, let's face it, most, there's a reason when somebody goes, I want to talk to you about the Bible, it feels like you're going to burst into flame. Like.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you go worse than that.

• 9:52Kurt Metzger?

  Devil vampires and it's, it's actually painful.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  And you go, have you heard of the Bible? Well, we're sort of like this knockoff version that's, you know, you're, you're selling a used car.

• 10:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. What is the Jehovah's? I don't know anything about them. What is their take?

• 10:03Kurt Metzger?

  All Bibles are knockoff versions. What are you talking about?

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Right.

• 10:06Duncan Trussell?

  What, what's?

• 10:07Kurt Metzger?

  Bibles, you got an original Bible?

• 10:09Duncan Trussell?

  What's their, what's their take on the Bible? Like, what's the difference between them and like typical Christians?

• 10:14Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know. Define a typical Christian. What do you mean? What denomination?

• 10:18Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, let's start with just like Baptist. What's the difference between them and like a typical Baptist or Pentecostal Christian?

• 10:25Kurt Metzger?

  We didn't think that Jesus, we didn't believe in the Trinity.

• 10:28Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, okay.

• 10:30Kurt Metzger?

  We viewed it as some kind of Hindu shit.

• 10:31Duncan Trussell?

  Denying the Trinity. Okay. That's it?

• 10:35Kurt Metzger?

  So, I don't think it was Jesus wasn't a deity. It was that Jesus wasn't the same, Jesus was God's son. So in Christian, early Christianity, they would call that Arianism with an I, not a Y, which is the other thing. A R. A I N or A I N, yeah, Arian. So you know, they had the Council of Nikeo where they have an argument about the nature of Christ. They didn't, it wasn't about the Bible. People think that's not that. It's about, okay, what the fuck was Jesus? And they came to the conclusion. I mean, it was just like, look, maybe it is a Trinity. I, I don't care or see how that would matter. If I believe it is or isn't, what does that has effect if, you know, I'm eating and graping children? I don't think it does, does it?

• 11:16Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 11:17Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's what I have to say to all the Christians. My boy Jay Dyer, who's a Orthodox. He gets off on scholarly, cause he's real smart. His wife, great writer too, real smart. He trusts like early fathers and writers and academia too much in my, in my opinion. You know, I think Jay Dyer is great. I just am like, why would God care about that? Why would God give a shit if I think he has three heads or he doesn't have three heads? What, what, it's like if the earth is flat, who cares?

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Very fickle of him, kind of.

• 11:44Kurt Metzger?

  I just, I don't see the, the, why that matters.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Insecure, he's insecure. It's like when a girl gets mad, you forget her middle name, like it matters.

• 11:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, come on.

• 11:52Kurt Metzger?

  You know, Duncan, um.

• 11:54Duncan Trussell?

  What else, but can you scroll down a little bit? This is interesting. Can you go back to the Jehovah's Witnesses? I didn't know this much about them.

• 12:01Kurt Metzger?

  Look at my thirty-three gloves. These are nice, huh?

• 12:03Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, scroll down a little bit. Denying the Trinity, uh, restoring God's.

• 12:07Kurt Metzger?

  Denied. Sorry, it's old habits.

• 12:10Duncan Trussell?

  Deny, uh, the nature of the Holy Spirit. The NWT refers to the Holy Spirit as God's active force rather than a person.

• 12:17Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I've even forgot the Trinity teaches that the Holy Spirit is a guy. No, we said it was like a, a force, like God's force on the earth.

• 12:24Duncan Trussell?

  That makes sense. That makes way more sense than it's some guy, some kind of invisible dude.

• 12:29Kurt Metzger?

  What? Yeah, I, look, again, but these are like, like, um, arguing over a script or something like.

• 12:37Kurt Metzger?

  The important part of it is like, you live in a world of slavery and, uh, child grape and eating. So, and they legally are allowed to do it to you, apparently. So that's what the appeal of Jesus would be, that you don't have to live that way. Arguing over this horse shit, I don't understand the merit of that on any level.

• 12:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's very like Comic-Con arguing over D and D rules.

• 12:56Kurt Metzger?

  It's a lot of dialectic horse shit, just like, uh, I don't like the black people or whatever you don't like. That like, you, that's what you want to yell about right now?

• 13:05Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 13:05Kurt Metzger?

  You just got a file that says they call kids beef jerky and eat them.

• 13:09Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 13:10Kurt Metzger?

  And you go, get out of here, Haiti.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  You're nerding out over what type of jerky?

• 13:16Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 13:20Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, do you know Ryan's in the pilot, my pilot?

• 13:23Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you are?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:24Duncan Trussell?

  How'd it go?

• 13:25Kurt Metzger?

  The cutout?

• 13:26Speaker 03

  There's nothing easier than acting in the entire world.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  Show up, dude.

• 13:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's a pickup.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  You're the most useless and replaceable part of any set. I just showed up, I dicked around for four days. It was super fun. Everyone walks around stressed with clipboards.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  And then they act like you're, and everyone's running around like stressed and they act like you're the, and everyone acts like you're the important one, too.

• 13:53Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  On top of that.

• 13:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah, I don't have a lot of acting experience, but yeah, I know what you mean, man. It's like everyone else is like just dying, like they've gotta get.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  It'd be like if you were on a construction site and then there was one guy that was in charge of the refreshments and everyone acted like he was doing the hard thing.

• 14:09Duncan Trussell?

  Right, right. They're just burning money every second, burning piles of money. Yeah.

• 14:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I, I found it was like down this, I 25 years, I don't know what anybody's job is.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 14:22Kurt Metzger?

  I'm 20, like seriously, I've never understood what like any of the people's jobs actually are. There's like three things included that I thought maybe a director.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  That's what they want, that's what they want you to think. Because then you can't say, do we need this guy? And you go, you don't think we need an OF45? Have you made film before? And you go, obviously we need the AM45.

• 14:42Kurt Metzger?

  Would you like some legal Delta 9?

• 14:43Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. This is definitely legal Delta 9 though, right?

• 14:47Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, the most legal of all the nines.

• 14:49Duncan Trussell?

  Thank God.

• 14:50Kurt Metzger?

  Was nothing like a nice hit of legal Delta 9 here in the great state of Texas.

• 14:56Kurt Metzger?

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• 15:38Kurt Metzger?

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• 16:16Kurt Metzger?

  And I gotta be honest, it hasn't been that noisy lately because, uh, as well as I've told my associate Duncan, uh, I'm, I'm in a sham heterosexual relationship when really, uh, I'm attracted to inanimate objects such as roller coasters and certain kinds of cars. So with BlueChew, I just let my erection do the talking, letting go with a Shannon Sharp style orgasm. You are a woman that I am attracted to. Oh no, that was on Instagram live. Whoops a daisy. Now everyone knows about my rampant heterosexuality. Darn it. I gotta turn that off next time I come really loud from. They've combined four ingredients into one powerful solution. BlueChew Gold.

• 16:58Kurt Metzger?

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• 17:37Duncan Trussell?

  Crying under here.

• 17:39Kurt Metzger?

  BlueChew. Why don't you get a boner already?

• 17:42Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah, that's Delta nine.

• 17:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's the good stuff.

• 17:45Duncan Trussell?

  You want some Delta nine?

• 17:45Speaker 03

  No, I'll have a claw first.

• 17:47Duncan Trussell?

  There you go. Thank you so much.

• 17:49Kurt Metzger?

  It's not as good as, uh.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Speaking of actors, that's a mystery how Terry Crews is able to jack off 10 hours a day.

• 17:56Duncan Trussell?

  What? What's this? Wait, I didn't know. I don't know about this.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  So Terry Crews, uh, you know, he got metooed by the twink.

• 18:02Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 18:03Duncan Trussell?

  You guys have to go all the way back.

• 18:05Kurt Metzger?

  I thought he metooed a twink.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  He metooed the twink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:08Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up an image of Terry Crews?

• 18:10Kurt Metzger?

  So me tooing, I don't know if this is maybe this is regional. I thought me tooing was when you told on somebody, but I, everybody else uses it as the sexual act is the me too.

• 18:20Duncan Trussell?

  It probably.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  It can go both ways, in my opinion.

• 18:23Duncan Trussell?

  So Terry, what did he do?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  So Terry Crews made, he did, he did a podcast tour recently and he confessed his problem, which is he was jacking off 10 hours a day. But the way that he described it, he was just like, the sun would go up, I'd be jacking off, just beating it. The sun would go down, I'm still beating, like he's, he cannot stop, right? Like the neighbors of Terry Crews' house are just like, keep it down over there, drywall everywhere.

• 18:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you think he's like a loud masturbator?

• 18:49Speaker 03

  For sure. He's yelling and screaming.

• 18:50Kurt Metzger?

  He's not making love.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's, he's yelling and screaming.

• 18:54Kurt Metzger?

  You think it's the testosterone? Cause when he came out with this.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  He's teed up.

• 18:57Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's the testosterone. Yeah. The, the, he's on the Tony Stapp water, if you know what I'm saying.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:03Duncan Trussell?

  How many times?

• 19:04Speaker 03

  So he is missing meetings. He's just jacking off nonstop.

• 19:07Kurt Metzger?

  He said he had a pornography addiction at the time. I remember him saying, and I was like, well, yeah, it sounds like you have a jerking, you know? Yeah. It's called gooning now.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Come on, that's a, he has a gooning addiction.

• 19:16Kurt Metzger?

  That's the secret of great.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  He has a goon cave, yeah. But you can say, okay, imagine you just jacked off for 12 hours straight. Now you go to set, some small gay guy touches your dick. You're really not in the mood.

• 19:25Duncan Trussell?

  Not at all.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Like you are, you know what I mean?

• 19:28Kurt Metzger?

  Well, not just that, he's also, if you feel that guilty about your jerking off.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  Which he does.

• 19:34Kurt Metzger?

  You're probably not cool with like gay coming onto you and touching you. You're probably, uh, black guys that feel guilty about masturbating are really uncool.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  It's their least, it's almost their least favorite thing.

• 19:45Kurt Metzger?

  And I happen to know for a fact, well, this is what I was told. I don't know for a fact, but, but this is what Sasha said when it happened. I was working on Sasha Baron Conjo. Before I really was studying Kabbalah seriously.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:56Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, but he said, he's like, yeah, I know that guy. He was on Molly. So some gay agent on Molly was like, huh, huh, huh. And did like how chicks touch gay guys inappropriately to a straight guy. Uh, and uh, that's, and, and I like, you know, look, you know, but you're in New York, you know, you're, we're in the city, you know, black, I mean, Austin, not so much, but New York or other cities where you're with black dudes that they don't play gay like white guys.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Not their favorite thing when you touch their dick.

• 20:21Kurt Metzger?

  You know, white guys playing gay and, and it's a fact. They, and I don't know, they'll, my gay chicken levels are way higher.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, Arabian and goggling a like big black dude is a death sentence.

• 20:33Kurt Metzger?

  What is that?

• 20:34Duncan Trussell?

  What happened? Terry Crews beat him up?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Put your balls in someone's eyes.

• 20:36Duncan Trussell?

  Terry Crews attacked this dude or something?

• 20:38Kurt Metzger?

  Now, what situation would you be in that that would happen?

• 20:41Speaker 03

  Hockey dressing room, I guess.

• 20:49Kurt Metzger?

  Immediately knew this weirdly specific example.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  Cousins' party?

• 20:56Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I guess, I don't know, I heard it.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Could be a hockey dressing room, could be a cousin's party.

• 20:59Kurt Metzger?

  People say Arabian goggles don't do it. I don't know.

• 21:03Duncan Trussell?

  What, what happened? Terry Crews just beat this dude up or something?

• 21:06Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  Terry Crews went to the press on this. He took it out on his dick.

• 21:10Kurt Metzger?

  He went to Congress and testified as the only man, me too. And you know what? He doesn't want to be felt up by a, by the industry. I don't blame him, but I remember 50 Cent was, was laughing at him online.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. He's got a lot of kids too, but it's extra funny to think he was jacking off for 12 hours a day with kids.

• 21:29Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, that's rough.

• 21:30Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, that's a little weirder than one time grabbing his dick on Molly if you're some twinkie agent.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You, the, what you, he goes, I've already done to myself way worse than you could ever do to me.

• 21:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Dude, that sucks. Your dad just in some goon cave jerking off all day.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  You don't want to be the P A. Having to get Terry Crews from his trailer, put it that way. You better not.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  You better not.

• 21:54Kurt Metzger?

  They captured his ass watching there, you hear it banging around.

• 21:58Kurt Metzger?

  Huge footprints all over the ceiling.

• 22:02Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my. Is that the guy that did it?

• 22:06Duncan Trussell?

  Who's that?

• 22:07Kurt Metzger?

  Is that the guy grabbed Terry's?

• 22:09Duncan Trussell?

  Terry Crews sues Agent Adam Bennett over alleged sexual assault.

• 22:14Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, look, if you grabbed, if you grabbed him by the pussy, by the way, which every one of these Hollywood twinkies thought was like, oh my, yeah. And Trump, if you, the quote was, if you're rich, they let you do it. You could grab them by the pussy. So that was implies consent, just for the record. And by the way, if you are rich, yeah, no, but you'd be surprised that, well, I wouldn't be surprised, but in Scottsdale, they call it the Scottsdale hello. I'm not making that up.

• 22:40Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 22:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. I always thought grabbing by the pussy sounds like a guy.

• 22:44Kurt Metzger?

  No, they don't. They call it the Scottsdale handshake. Sorry.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Okay. But it sounds like you're explaining sex when you haven't had sex. You're like, what'd you do? You're like,

• 22:51Duncan Trussell?

  founding partner of WME. Wow. That's wild to try to fuck Terry Crews, though. That's wild.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Fresh off Expendables, too. This isn't, you know, this isn't, uh, deodorant commercial Terry Crews. This is Expendables. He's been hanging with, you know, Claude Van Damme for a week. He's, he's jacked up on all the tea you can imagine.

• 23:10Kurt Metzger?

  It is what it is. A lot of black guys that work out a lot are not gay. As it turns out. I don't know.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Stop asking.

• 23:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, stop asking it. Like, I don't know why, what it is, what, and it's just a, a generality. I mean, I don't feel,

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:25Kurt Metzger?

  but I've never got my abs to the condition of Terry Crews. So I don't know if that would turn me gay.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  There's something about benching 380 pounds that makes you not gay.

• 23:33Duncan Trussell?

  Just imagine.

• 23:34Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you would think that, but not, if you're white, it can make you more gay. Okay. And, and I've only been studying the sacred sephora for some, a short time. So I don't know, you know, kabbalistically why that is.

• 23:48Duncan Trussell?

  Kabbalistically, why are you only wearing one glove? What does that mean?

• 23:52Speaker 03

  There is no shortage of, of guys that'll say.

• 23:54Kurt Metzger?

  To hold my Delta nine.

• 23:56Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, is that part of the Kabbalah or is that just?

• 24:01Kurt Metzger?

  No, this is so I don't ruin my nice, uh, safers.

• 24:04Duncan Trussell?

  I got, those are called safers?

• 24:06Kurt Metzger?

  Those big scrolls.

• 24:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I see. I got you.

• 24:09Kurt Metzger?

  I think, I, I might be saying it wrong.

• 24:09Duncan Trussell?

  Is this who you're based on here?

• 24:11Kurt Metzger?

  I'm only, um, first, what is it in improv classes, what they call like, I'm only like a yellow belt of Kabbalah.

• 24:17Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I see.

• 24:18Kurt Metzger?

  I talk a good game, but.

• 24:19Duncan Trussell?

  I see.

• 24:20Kurt Metzger?

  I bought the outfit before I learned the Kabbalah.

• 24:22Duncan Trussell?

  What, what is this dude up here?

• 24:24Speaker 03

  The groundlings would laugh at you, yeah.

• 24:25Kurt Metzger?

  Dress for the job you want, right?

• 24:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, right. What's the wand he's wearing there? Why's he got a wand? Or what is that? Is that a sword?

• 24:33Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know who that is. Is there any other information?

• 24:35Speaker 03

  Very uncomfortable chair.

• 24:36Duncan Trussell?

  It's a Kabbalah master.

• 24:37Kurt Metzger?

  Kabbalah? Uh, who is that guy?

• 24:40Duncan Trussell?

  He's, I don't know. It's from the book, pull us through the book. It's Porta Elvix?

• 24:46Kurt Metzger?

  Let's see if I got, you wanna see who, who my outfit is based on? So I would just watch this channel, didn't have a lot of viewers, okay? But I just was curious about Kabbalah. I can't say it another way now, sorry. Uh, put restoring the breach into YouTube. So this guy now, he would just show, you would just see here, and I haven't got one, but he had this long silver finger pointer that he would go along the scroll with while he'd talk about it. And he have gloves like, like, these are like way nicer than his, but he would have gloves. So then one, uh, rest, what, what, it's called, no, restoration of the breach. And put Kabbalah to. Kabbalah.

• 25:32Kurt Metzger?

  There it is, right there. That's the channel. See the guy? Okay. Look at him.

• 25:35Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, cool.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 25:37Kurt Metzger?

  So, but he would never used to be on the channel, then one day he, he decided to show himself on the channel.

• 25:43Duncan Trussell?

  Whoa.

• 25:44Kurt Metzger?

  And that's what I knew. I had to take Kabbalah lessons and, uh, start.

• 25:48Duncan Trussell?

  Check out this guy's office, man.

• 25:50Kurt Metzger?

  But.

• 25:51Duncan Trussell?

  Can you, wow.

• 25:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, now this guy has really gotten into some Kabbalah.

• 25:54Duncan Trussell?

  Can we play just a clip from his podcast for a second?

• 25:58Kurt Metzger?

  How many views does he get?

• 25:58Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna hear him talk.

• 26:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's a huge help to him and his Kabbalah.

• 26:01Duncan Trussell?

  That office is incredible.

• 26:05Kurt Metzger?

  He has a very interesting interview on this channel with a literal Frankist, like someone saying they're a Frankist.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  The most internal sheroosh, root, essence, and being of the Torah itself. Now, going back to our discussion regarding the seven days of creation, we need to understand that the term Barashis Bar Elohim, as per our last

• 26:28Kurt Metzger?

  Go on.

• 26:29Speaker 04

  was revealed to be, in the beginning, created Elohim. And how the versions in the Western world are corrupted. And they're corrupted mainly due to the fact that their translations of the Septuagint. The Septuagint, of course, meaning seventy, referred to the seventy elders which were gathered.

• 26:47Kurt Metzger?

  It's like Peewee's Kabalah Playhouse he lives in, it looks like. Like, what?

• 26:53Kurt Metzger?

  I swear to God, when I started watching it, there was only, look at this shit.

• 26:55Duncan Trussell?

  Wow. He put a carpet on his ceiling.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it seems like a guy that runs a store, but he doesn't want you to buy anything. He's like, what about that? He goes, you know what?

• 27:04Speaker 04

  Reference to your give-off case.

• 27:06Duncan Trussell?

  It's like an escape room.

• 27:07Kurt Metzger?

  I just knew I had to start dressing like him, first of all.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's great. That's one of the most obscure dressing references in the history of podcasting.

• 27:16Kurt Metzger?

  What kind of pussy is he? What kind of Shaheena is he?

• 27:19Speaker 03

  He's crushing. I think also though-

• 27:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, you know I like Bible pussy. You know that about you.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  But I do also think that he brings girls back, and after the eight hours of him showing them antiques, she's like, can we fuck? Like, I can't look at any more of your antiques.

• 27:33Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, girls like antiques, though, a lot of them, especially-

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Not after the 12th hour.

• 27:37Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 27:37Kurt Metzger?

  Look, if you're in the door at this guy's house, you're already kind of down with his aesthetic. Am I wrong to say that? Like?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  You didn't know you were gonna be getting a questionnaire at the end?

• 27:48Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know who's in the sound booth. Who's it?

• 27:50Speaker 03

  You think he's ever kicked someone out because he didn't think they paid appropriate?

• 27:53Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I'm sure.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Hello, Niana here.

• 27:55Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, say that again?

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Niana.

• 27:58Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, so it's not Girl Tanner?

• 28:00Speaker 05

  No, Girl Tanner's here. She's just-

• 28:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 28:03Speaker 05

  Your girl Tanner. She doesn't know yet.

• 28:06Kurt Metzger?

  She doesn't know how we focused a very strange thing onto Tanner?

• 28:09Speaker 05

  She doesn't know you're just Girl Tanner.

• 28:11Kurt Metzger?

  No, well, no, I would like to know. I just, no one told me. I just thought a series of Tanners did things around here. Do you understand? I got my nose in the Kabalah safer most of the day.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  When you put the hat on, you seem like the type of guy that'd be like, I think you're gonna go with Tanner now.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  I'm not Tanner, you are now.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Check the hat.

• 28:35Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, do you guys, do you guys study Kabbalah?

• 28:39Speaker 05

  Haven't studied, um, haven't studied up on them yet.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Negative, no.

• 28:43Kurt Metzger?

  It's a rich.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  It's gonna be a requirement for the podcast.

• 28:45Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, pretty soon it'll be a requirement.

• 28:47Duncan Trussell?

  I tried to read it. I tried to study it. I read something called the Yod Sephiroth or something.

• 28:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:53Duncan Trussell?

  Didn't understand it.

• 28:55Kurt Metzger?

  The Sephiroth? Oh, there's a Kabbalah.

• 28:56Duncan Trussell?

  Is it pronounced Sephiroth?

• 28:58Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  I've had a few books like that where in my younger days, I read the whole book and I'm like, I don't think I know one thing that I just read. Like the Art of Tao, you know, those kind of books?

• 29:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  And you realize 60 pages and you're like, I'm just looking at words.

• 29:12Kurt Metzger?

  So they, they think God is the einsof, the unknowable.

• 29:16Duncan Trussell?

  The unknowable.

• 29:17Kurt Metzger?

  Which is, um, you know, kind of a heresy. If you were actually Jewish, it doesn't really go together, but a lot of, you know, look at all the things that don't go together.

• 29:24Duncan Trussell?

  Let's, let's pull up the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Maybe this Kabbalah master here could go through it for us and explain what's going on.

• 29:30Kurt Metzger?

  Well, this is about a lot of Babylonian shit from when they were, uh, in Babylon.

• 29:34Duncan Trussell?

  Just an image of it, the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Let's see.

• 29:40Duncan Trussell?

  Okay. Yeah, that, yeah, there, but the, you're the one that says Ki- Ki- Kether at the top. What's going on with this Metzger?

• 29:48Kurt Metzger?

  What, what about Keter?

• 29:50Duncan Trussell?

  See, I don't, you know how to pronounce him.

• 29:52Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I don't know if that's how you pronounce it.

• 29:53Duncan Trussell?

  So like, I will tell you what I've heard about this and then you can correct it. This represents the flow of God's creation into the universe. And so at the top, you've got einsof. Underneath that, you've got Keter, which I've always said Kether, which then is a monad. That becomes aware of itself. You get the dialectic, which creates this tension.

• 30:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:17Duncan Trussell?

  Right? Is that right? That's what it is. It's supposed to show like how, essentially how things, I don't know, uh, extantiate.

• 30:24Kurt Metzger?

  It's like judo. You know voodoo?

• 30:27Duncan Trussell?

  Judo.

• 30:28Kurt Metzger?

  It's like judo.

• 30:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  They do have one called judo though.

• 30:31Kurt Metzger?

  There is a.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Judo, but close enough.

• 30:35Kurt Metzger?

  It's not close enough.

• 30:36Duncan Trussell?

  Judo. It's like, it's like a new kind of Play-Doh.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Homer Simpson with tassels.

• 30:42Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's, that's like, okay, I'm not doing old Jew jokes on here. It was like, that's how you make bagels with judo. Stop it.

• 30:50Duncan Trussell?

  Damn it.

• 30:50Kurt Metzger?

  Now, we're not, I've been studying Kabbalah for too long to let this happen.

• 30:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, don't let this happen. So what, how does it work? What, what's the deal here? What's this?

• 30:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. Well, you get a bunch of dudes to focus on this horse shit like it's real for all their entire lives.

• 31:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 31:05Kurt Metzger?

  And it generates.

• 31:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, right. You can't study, you're not supposed to study this until you're, what, in your 40s or something, right?

• 31:11Speaker 03

  You're not ready?

• 31:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you kids.

• 31:13Kurt Metzger?

  Why? Do you know why?

• 31:14Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 31:15Kurt Metzger?

  Because of Shabbatai Svi, Tsvi.

• 31:18Duncan Trussell?

  What's that?

• 31:18Kurt Metzger?

  T S V I. He was the greatest catastrophe in Judaism bef- before the Holocaust happened, the greatest catastrophe in Judaism was Shabbatai Svi. And he was the guy that, um, he got like 60% of all the Jews. So in 1492, Turkey saved a bunch of Jews. That's how you can remember it.

• 31:41Duncan Trussell?

  Who told you that?

• 31:42Kurt Metzger?

  No, I just made that rhyme from it. In 1492, Spain said, get out Jews, and Turkey said, we'll take you Jews.

• 31:50Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  You gotta come through two by two.

• 31:55Kurt Metzger?

  You don't have to be two by two.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  But not you.

• 31:57Kurt Metzger?

  So.

• 31:59Kurt Metzger?

  This guy Shabbatai Svi, his dad's like a merchant or something. So somebody traveling, picking up a lot of stuff.

• 32:05Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 32:06Kurt Metzger?

  And he had bipolar disorder, they think, or some shit like that. So he starts getting visions that he's the Messiah.

• 32:13Duncan Trussell?

  That's the Messiah.

• 32:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but you gotta say it like it's like.

• 32:16Duncan Trussell?

  Messiah.

• 32:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's perfect.

• 32:19Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you.

• 32:19Kurt Metzger?

  Messiah.

• 32:20Duncan Trussell?

  I'm your student.

• 32:21Kurt Metzger?

  Danny, ask Danny if I'm pronouncing it right, but I think he'll say yes.

• 32:25Duncan Trussell?

  Messiah.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Messiah.

• 32:27Kurt Metzger?

  The Messiah.

• 32:28Duncan Trussell?

  The Messiah.

• 32:29Kurt Metzger?

  You gotta let it come from right here. Anyway.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Messiah.

• 32:33Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it's just a flomatic, like, he, uh.

• 32:37Duncan Trussell?

  What's this guy's name again?

• 32:39Kurt Metzger?

  It looks like Sabatay, but it's Shabbatay.

• 32:42Duncan Trussell?

  Shabbatay.

• 32:44Kurt Metzger?

  T S V I. S V. Anyway, he declares he's the Messiah. This, not everybody would believe him, except some Kabbalah expert named Nathan of Gaza,

• 32:56Kurt Metzger?

  who is the most respected expert in Kabbalah. And he was young, like really young, okay? But just imagine like a physicist or like an Einstein, but of Kabbalah. Apparently that's the kind of weight. So he said, no, this guy is the Messiah. Okay?

• 33:12Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 33:13Kurt Metzger?

  So then he started doing like, um, you ever hear of like salvation through sin, like Rasputin would do that?

• 33:19Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 33:20Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that this is kind of where they're all getting it from. It's from this one guy who's like, yeah, no, we gotta do the exact inversion of all the Torah.

• 33:27Duncan Trussell?

  And it's the same thing.

• 33:29Kurt Metzger?

  There's also an anal Torah, put it that way.

• 33:33Duncan Trussell?

  Do tell.

• 33:33Kurt Metzger?

  You know about the oral Torah, but have you even tried?

• 33:36Duncan Trussell?

  Tell me about the anal Torah.

• 33:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, not until you're 40.

• 33:40Duncan Trussell?

  I'm 40.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  That's when you gotta be 50.

• 33:42Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, well, there you go. So, uh, anyway.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  Oh, they re-appropriated it as a sex thing.

• 33:48Duncan Trussell?

  Can you Google?

• 33:49Kurt Metzger?

  So he, okay, so he started doing goofy shit. Now it didn't get as bad as until Jacob Frekin.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Anal sex is kosher. By the way, this, they said it's a 4,000 year old replica that shows anal sex. That could be not anal sex.

• 34:02Duncan Trussell?

  Either one.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's a.

• 34:04Kurt Metzger?

  Those are boobs.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying. That's a, yeah, they're, they're kind of jumping to conclusions.

• 34:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, but you know, you, girls have buttholes, man.

• 34:11Kurt Metzger?

  I like how they have like a, I mean, who, who do you think would show up? Like if, if we were back in those times with Terry Crews, would he be jerking off next to that wall?

• 34:20Duncan Trussell?

  He'd be surrounded by Terry Cruises.

• 34:22Kurt Metzger?

  There's no pornography anywhere, except there's a fucking wall of porno images.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  Where's Terry?

• 34:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, where's Terry?

• 34:28Speaker 03

  Is that the sculptures again?

• 34:30Duncan Trussell?

  Ancient gooners. There you go. Look at that.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  It's an actual goon cave. Yeah.

• 34:35Duncan Trussell?

  That's the depiction of the, of the gooner. That's what it does to you.

• 34:37Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, go back, go back. It said, it had, it said masturbator. Matt from a night, masturbator.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  He looks like he's in a Brooklyn indie band.

• 34:48Duncan Trussell?

  He's eating his own jizz.

• 34:50Kurt Metzger?

  What, um, okay, was he also had another disability because I feel like his main problem was probably not masturbating.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  You're saying it was wrong order.

• 35:03Kurt Metzger?

  By Winward H. Oliver.

• 35:07Kurt Metzger?

  Um, I'd like to know that.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  It's a chicken and egg.

• 35:09Kurt Metzger?

  No, not the Gooners Hand, Elevate Your Bait. Now, we're not doing Tiger Egg ads right now.

• 35:14Duncan Trussell?

  Can we please go back to the Gooners Handbook and read a couple of reviews? That's all. Then we'll move on.

• 35:17Kurt Metzger?

  But I want to know the original book and not the making fun of it.

• 35:20Duncan Trussell?

  Is that's not making fun of that book, is it?

• 35:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, it is. Wait, wait, wait. Go back. Go back, go back, go back.

• 35:24Duncan Trussell?

  I bet it's not.

• 35:25Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, from a Swedish medical textbook. Can you go on what it, like, what the textbook said about the masturbator?

• 35:33Speaker 03

  Jacked himself retarded.

• 35:37Duncan Trussell?

  Give me what they said about him.

• 35:38Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, if you click on that picture, is there not text with it that tells you something?

• 35:42Speaker 03

  No, it takes you to a Reddit link.

• 35:44Kurt Metzger?

  Does it, does that have words on it that will say things?

• 35:47Duncan Trussell?

  You'd have to probably find the whole textbook.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  I think this is more like a propaganda campaign.

• 35:53Duncan Trussell?

  For sure.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Not a book.

• 35:55Kurt Metzger?

  1910 Wojaks were so much better than today.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  No pun intended.

• 36:02Kurt Metzger?

  That is, uh, that's, uh, your boy J.J. Liebowitz right there.

• 36:06Duncan Trussell?

  Can we go back to the Gooners Handbook?

• 36:10Kurt Metzger?

  But I think that's just giving instructions on how to goon better.

• 36:12Duncan Trussell?

  That's what I'm saying. What are the reviews?

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Best goon of my life.

• 36:17Duncan Trussell?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 36:19Kurt Metzger?

  We've been covering a lot of great reviews of great, the horse vagina sex toy.

• 36:23Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, it's got 50 reviews. Um, and let's look at the, this, okay. Top reviews in the United States, Michael Rial. Wait, okay, Winward Oliver's The Gooners Handbook is not a manual. It's a mirror, a cracked, glistening porn slick mirror that dares the reader to gaze into your own erotic abyss and ask, what do I worship when I lose myself? This slim, butt-potent volume, Oliver offers more than techniques for edging and intensifying bait. He offers a metaphysical dare.

• 36:58Kurt Metzger?

  Intensifying bait as in can't talk baiting?

• 37:01Speaker 03

  By TC. I'm not gonna tell you who that is.

• 37:05Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, let's look at some more. That's incredible. Look how long the review is.

• 37:09Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I feel like this was the masturbation.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  Well, he was edging at the time.

• 37:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 37:14Kurt Metzger?

  Don't edge your review dude.

• 37:15Duncan Trussell?

  He wrote that with one hand.

• 37:17Kurt Metzger?

  Get swaddled.

• 37:18Duncan Trussell?

  He's a one handed typer, left hand.

• 37:21Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, are you looking at this? You have the left handed path.

• 37:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's what they mean. I, alright, let me, let's read this. Get swaddled in your, and I'm assuming you meant goon cocooned. I never realized how vital to survive baiting could be to someone.

• 37:40Kurt Metzger?

  Don't call baiting, please.

• 37:41Duncan Trussell?

  Even worse, if someone in BDSM, I never knew how gooning could have so much in common with subspace. This is what one word H Oliver.

• 37:50Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, the element of euphoria associated with deep. That's what sub, oh, oh god, subspace. It sounds like it's some sci fi concept, but he means being a sub. Like when you go in the space. He's one of the best subs in the space.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  But I thought this was a gooning thing. How do you, you're a solo sub?

• 38:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you're a solo sub.

• 38:11Kurt Metzger?

  I don't even know how to be that beta.

• 38:12Duncan Trussell?

  You're dominating yourself, I guess.

• 38:14Kurt Metzger?

  You're dominating yourself. I guess that's true.

• 38:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 38:17Kurt Metzger?

  I guess that's true. Afterwards, you know what I do? I throw a blanket over my deck and I go, call it.

• 38:28Kurt Metzger?

  I look at my watch, call it.

• 38:32Kurt Metzger?

  Like a fool, I had always been focused on myself and wishing to my partner. Granted, I've had a slew of fantasies when taking pleasure into, when taking pleasure into my own hands. Like a, like Armie Hammer in that vigilante film that just.

• 38:47Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, it's so bad. Did you watch it?

• 38:51Kurt Metzger?

  No, I'm just glad to see Armie Hammer's back and better than ever.

• 38:53Duncan Trussell?

  He's back.

• 38:54Kurt Metzger?

  We were a little hard on him now that we know the leaders actually eat kids and he just texted about it.

• 38:59Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, he's a good dude.

• 39:00Kurt Metzger?

  He's like one of the nicest hammers of that family.

• 39:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, for sure. Good guy.

• 39:06Kurt Metzger?

  No, anyway, a great vigilante.

• 39:08Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, it's just, I don't know, man, I'm being too hard on it, but it was like, I was hoping for more like The Punisher or something. It's really.

• 39:15Kurt Metzger?

  It wasn't The Punisher?

• 39:16Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, it's like, it's definitely not The Punisher.

• 39:19Kurt Metzger?

  It's more like in Germany where they're like fed up with Muslim immigrants and it's like mostly focused on that.

• 39:26Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, maybe we can find it. Can you, what's the name of that movie?

• 39:31Kurt Metzger?

  It's Uwe, okay, E W E B O L L, an army hammer. Have a movie out. It's a, it's like a Charles Bronson movie, but for like Europeans dealing with uh.

• 39:43Duncan Trussell?

  Citizen vigilante. Pull up, pull up bus scene, citizen vigilante. This is just an example of sort of the flavor.

• 39:50Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know the movie? Okay, that black guy that got kicked out of uh, Binkang on, in Marvel. What's his name? Cause he be, hit his girlfriend or whatever. Remember the guy? He was a big deal for like a minute.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  He was, that's the guy. Yeah, he was doing indie movies after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:03Kurt Metzger?

  So then he gets injured. Cause you know what? It's like, luckily our non-union production was uh, nothing, no dangerous stunts or anything?

• 40:10Speaker 03

  It was a don't ask, don't tell production.

• 40:12Duncan Trussell?

  That's not it.

• 40:13Kurt Metzger?

  It's Ben Shapiro, it's Daily Wire production and uh, it's an action movie, right? But we didn't know what it was yet. So he got injured falling through a real glass window that wasn't a plate glass or something. You know, in like a scene where you fall through a window?

• 40:24Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  On a Daily Wire production?

• 40:27Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, yes. So we talked about this on an episode, but I just found out what the movie is. It's about a college that falls under Sharia, Sharia law.

• 40:36Duncan Trussell?

  It's like Red Dawn, but for Sharia law.

• 40:38Kurt Metzger?

  In one, in a college through, from the mind of Ben Shapiro.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  And then he's gotta come in and kill all the Amans?

• 40:44Kurt Metzger?

  Starring the schwartz that beat up his shiksa.

• 40:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god, I can't wait to, oh god.

• 40:50Kurt Metzger?

  There's, I have high hopes.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  He's ripping burkas off right and left.

• 40:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, this might be like really good. Like I have high hopes, dude.

• 40:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's gonna be great.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  I hope.

• 40:59Duncan Trussell?

  Top tier stuff.

• 41:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, will you?

• 41:01Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, let's play this real quick. So you get an idea of this. Play, go back. It was uh.

• 41:05Kurt Metzger?

  It's gonna be weird in German?

• 41:07Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's not in German. Go, scroll down. You had it up for a second. It was underneath one of the things you pulled up.

• 41:12Kurt Metzger?

  No, I interviewed Uwe Boll on my old podcast.

• 41:14Duncan Trussell?

  Scroll down a little bit.

• 41:15Kurt Metzger?

  I can probably get him to call, talk about this.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  But that's a great.

• 41:18Duncan Trussell?

  Arnie, Army Hammer gives a threat they'll never forget. This is an example of what it's like.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  I suggest you.

• 41:23Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, no, that's not it. It's a bus scene. You guys had it. It's like.

• 41:29Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, if it's consensual uh, war play, that's different.

• 41:35Kurt Metzger?

  If it's two adults and what they're fantasizing about, Japanese not tying and eating you, but they don't do it.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Okay, this is.

• 41:41Kurt Metzger?

  That's a different thing.

• 41:42Duncan Trussell?

  This is it, dude.

• 41:43Speaker 06

  It's one fifty per person. Fuck up and drive. It's one fifty per person. Didn't I tell you to sit down and drive? Fucking boss.

• 41:54Kurt Metzger?

  Gentlemen. Everyone on this bus has somewhere they have to be and for some of us it's urgent so please resolve your issues. Go drive the bus.

• 42:02Speaker 06

  Which I understand. It's just a thing that I will not continue driving the bus without everyone having tickets on it.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Goddamn, this is bad.

• 42:12Duncan Trussell?

  It's so weirdly bad, too.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  This is student film territory.

• 42:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 42:20Kurt Metzger?

  I would rather watch a homemade pornography that Army Hammer made in his deepest fantasies than watch this.

• 42:24Duncan Trussell?

  For sure.

• 42:25Kurt Metzger?

  Look back at this moment. Realize that it is the luckiest you have ever been.

• 42:31Duncan Trussell?

  See, okay, stop it there, because then-

• 42:33Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, he didn't shoot him!

• 42:34Duncan Trussell?

  No, what follows is he grabs one of them and he tells them, "You know that when you steal bus fare, it costs everyone money." He gives them this bizarre lecture and then they leave.

• 42:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, this is made by a German man.

• 42:48Duncan Trussell?

  It's so bad.

• 42:49Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know who Uwe Boll is?

• 42:51Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 42:52Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so, in the beginning of making movies of video games, it was on, besides that shitty Super Mario movie with Bob Hoskins from back in the day, and John Leguizamo is Luigi, remember that shit?

• 43:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 43:04Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so you would just buy this cheap, nobody wanted a movie of a video game, right?

• 43:08Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 43:08Kurt Metzger?

  So Uwe Boll just bought all these video game properties and he would make a video game movie and they were always terrible. He came to my show and talked to me and goes, "You know, I didn't realize people would actually give a shit about the stories of these games." In fairness to him, like, who could have imagined-

• 43:23Speaker 03

  He thought this was just a cash grab.

• 43:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and very logical, German-minded, it was very, I really liked talking to him when he was on my old, old Can't Get Right podcast. Anyway, so he made these movies, he'll get angrier and angrier, the game, and this is when I was writing for the Video Game Awards, and I still remember this, this is the year before Nate Bargatze wrote on it. It was like 2005 or 6 or something. And a guy, that guy Lotax from, uh, what, 8chan or 4chan, you know, Richard Lotax? He ended up, uh, he's dead now, but he, basically, Uva Bull said, anybody thinks my movie sucks can fight me in the ring. Now, I remember this vividly because I was like, why would, I don't, how's that settle this?

• 44:08Duncan Trussell?

  Still bad, the movie?

• 44:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, like it makes, he goes, everybody doesn't like how I make these movies, they can fight me. And I just remember that, I'll never forget where I was like, I said to him-

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Let the gods decide.

• 44:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but, but, do I live in Wakanda? How does this, you know, Wakanda settles things with a waterfall fight?

• 44:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 44:25Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. They're so advanced, but their form of, uh, democracy is a guy with a lip plate is in charge somewhere. And a fistfight by a waterfall, followed by you get high off of some fucking... Look, Wakanda was defended by a white man. That's the main thing. I hope everybody remembers that.

• 44:44Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know that.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  I didn't know that as well.

• 44:46Kurt Metzger?

  You think an African came up with it? With a kindly CIA agent who just wants to help?

• 44:51Duncan Trussell?

  Who?

• 44:52Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, the smug, written by the smuggest white dude in history.

• 44:56Duncan Trussell?

  Who? What white dude invented Wak- hello?

• 44:59Kurt Metzger?

  Some CIA thing.

• 45:01Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, they are doing it. Okay, everything's moving according to plan.

• 45:05Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 45:07Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, uh, he fought this guy, Richard Lotax, they boxed, and, and Uva Bull is good at boxing.

• 45:14Kurt Metzger?

  So he beat the shit out of him.

• 45:17Kurt Metzger?

  So he goes, you can't say his movies are bad.

• 45:20Duncan Trussell?

  You lose that right.

• 45:21Kurt Metzger?

  Then he made a movie about, um, uh, one of these like crazy spree shooters, you know? Oh, Postal. He made a movie of Postal.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  I remember Postal.

• 45:30Kurt Metzger?

  And people liked it.

• 45:33Kurt Metzger?

  He made a Postal, and then he made one where like, it was more serious, it was about a crazy guy shooter.

• 45:39Kurt Metzger?

  So this is like, it's kind of weird. Oh, Rampage. And Rampage wasn't bad. I remember it because he was known as the worst. And that's how I got on my show because I messaged him like, ah, this movie wasn't too bad, Rampage. Like, he was, thank you.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  You're the first person to message him?

• 45:54Kurt Metzger?

  No, people liked.

• 45:55Duncan Trussell?

  Highest compliment he's ever got.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  Can I do your podcast?

• 45:57Kurt Metzger?

  But the other thing was.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Do you want to get a drink?

• 45:59Kurt Metzger?

  They didn't like him, no, it was years after that. But, you know, in Germany, it's like, it's, imagine the most like NPR type of culture. So the people that were mad that there's dirt bikes and shit at the White House, right?

• 46:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 46:13Kurt Metzger?

  And, and, uh, but they would like drag queens showing their tits. I'm like, why can't we have both myself?

• 46:18Duncan Trussell?

  Absolutely.

• 46:20Kurt Metzger?

  If we were great again, we'd have.

• 46:22Duncan Trussell?

  Everything.

• 46:23Kurt Metzger?

  Trans titties.

• 46:24Duncan Trussell?

  Starbucks.

• 46:26Kurt Metzger?

  All that shit.

• 46:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 46:27Kurt Metzger?

  So, you know, but whatever.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  Sparklers on Facebook.

• 46:31Kurt Metzger?

  It's like D-Class A. He's like D-Class A in his film. This is from in Germany, you know? He's a very interesting guy, but this one is like, and I remember talking to him and he, you could tell he had somewhat of Bono politics. But he'd been pushed to the limit.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 46:47Kurt Metzger?

  Which is what this is. This is people.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  That's how you end up as Edge.

• 46:53Kurt Metzger?

  He's been pushed from Bono to Edge.

• 46:55Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:56Kurt Metzger?

  Over the edge.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  He's been pushed over the edge.

• 46:59Duncan Trussell?

  Over the edge.

• 47:00Kurt Metzger?

  You know, Bono set their parameters of acceptable.

• 47:06Kurt Metzger?

  You know, Bono, the homunculus made no fucking Jesuit CIA program to, to, uh, see if we could put spyware in your phone?

• 47:14Duncan Trussell?

  Can you pull up the video? I still haven't found what I'm looking for. You guys remember this video? This shit is the weirdest.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  Is it Bono video?

• 47:22Duncan Trussell?

  Bono. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I know we can't play the song, but.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Bono's, uh, intense tax shelters.

• 47:30Duncan Trussell?

  Look at this insane music video.

• 47:40Duncan Trussell?

  Like just jump to the middle. It's so fucking weird.

• 47:43Kurt Metzger?

  He's the Bruce Springsteen of Euroqueers.

• 47:47Duncan Trussell?

  So fucked up dude.

• 47:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's just like.

• 47:51Duncan Trussell?

  He's doing like the thing that Red Hot Chili Peppers did in LA.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  When he's dressed like me.

• 47:56Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well.

• 47:57Kurt Metzger?

  And he dresses like they're a pickup artist.

• 47:59Duncan Trussell?

  He's a pickup artist.

• 48:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he really is.

• 48:01Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:03Kurt Metzger?

  You know, really fuck Bono. I can't.

• 48:05Duncan Trussell?

  You hate Bono?

• 48:07Kurt Metzger?

  I think he is a NATO construct, not even a man.

• 48:11Duncan Trussell?

  You hate the Trinity and Bono. What does that say about you?

• 48:15Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know, guys, we know what it says. It says, take your Roman popery and fucking.

• 48:21Kurt Metzger?

  You don't need your Roman popery here.

• 48:24Duncan Trussell?

  You're the only person who has actually seriously called me a popist.

• 48:28Kurt Metzger?

  A papist?

• 48:29Duncan Trussell?

  A papist.

• 48:30Kurt Metzger?

  I called you a merry worshipping papist.

• 48:32Duncan Trussell?

  And I'm not Catholic.

• 48:34Kurt Metzger?

  I know.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  Makes it worse.

• 48:36Duncan Trussell?

  And I still love the Pope. There's gotta be people who are like, I'm not Catholic. I'm an atheist, but I fucking have pictures of the Pope everywhere.

• 48:45Kurt Metzger?

  Do you see Lenny Marcus in New York? The Pope is Lenny Marcus. Lenny Marcus is the Pope.

• 48:49Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:50Kurt Metzger?

  He is. But comedian Lenny Marcus showed Duncan the Pope, Pope Marcus.

• 48:58Kurt Metzger?

  That's the new Pope. Show the new Pope.

• 49:04Kurt Metzger?

  You know what the Pope looks like, right?

• 49:05Duncan Trussell?

  Of course.

• 49:06Kurt Metzger?

  Show him the new Pope. He doesn't remember. I think he's not even Catholic is what I'm starting to get.

• 49:10Duncan Trussell?

  The new Pope?

• 49:13Duncan Trussell?

  He's Catholic.

• 49:13Kurt Metzger?

  Whoa, look at this Pope Lenny.

• 49:16Duncan Trussell?

  That's the old Pope.

• 49:16Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's the new Pope.

• 49:18Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, really? That looks like the old Pope.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  No, Francis was old.

• 49:22Kurt Metzger?

  The glasses is where you're really seeing an aged.

• 49:24Duncan Trussell?

  That hat made him look old.

• 49:26Kurt Metzger?

  That's an, the yarmulke. Why is the Pope wearing a yarmulke? You don't think that's suspicious?

• 49:30Duncan Trussell?

  Not at all. It's wonderful.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  I feel like.

• 49:34Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up more pictures of the Pope, please?

• 49:36Speaker 03

  The, the, if you, in the Vatican, they have all sorts of wear that looks like it's appropriated from other religions and you know that they're arguing that they did it first to a losing battle.

• 49:49Duncan Trussell?

  It is really strange. I never got like, you know, no one in the Bible dressed like the Pope. Like, where did it come from? Jesus didn't dress like that.

• 49:59Kurt Metzger?

  I have no idea how I dress, but I know I have, um.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  You got a vision of.

• 50:03Duncan Trussell?

  I guess.

• 50:03Speaker 03

  Fabulous vision.

• 50:05Duncan Trussell?

  It was adopted in the Middle Ages for a practical reason. Monks shaved the tops of their heads as a sign of devotion, and it was to keep their heads warm, you assholes.

• 50:13Kurt Metzger?

  You know, what is this thing? We have all this shit we meant to get to. What is this? That Mastro Angel?

• 50:17Duncan Trussell?

  I have no idea. I just sent it to you, to you guys because I thought it was cool. Um, it was just a cool ritual. I, I sent on your think tank too. I found another Instagram of someone demonstrating occult, how to do occult rituals. I thought we could.

• 50:29Kurt Metzger?

  You did?

• 50:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait. I know I have something I want to.

• 50:36Kurt Metzger?

  I know I have something that we meant to do on here.

• 50:37Duncan Trussell?

  Why don't we find something to queue up? I gotta do a White Claw piss.

• 50:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, we gotta go, uh. We gotta go have a poop.

• 50:46Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta go poop. Let's go poop, man.

• 50:54Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, welcome. We're back. Welcome to Guest Mystery Segment where our, our guest reveals a mystery or two.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  Okay, first, first mystery that.

• 51:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, sorry. Brought to you by BlueChew.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  Brought to you by BlueChew. I don't want to overstep. I know that you guys have a lot of mysteries.

• 51:13Kurt Metzger?

  It's gonna be a hard day's night.

• 51:14Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, yeah.

• 51:15Kurt Metzger?

  BlueChew.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  So there's a lot going on with Etsy witches right now. So these witches that sell women potions and then they got kicked off of Etsy because they, they put a spell on Charlie Kirk and that's why he died. Then there's a group. So if you want to type in Etsy witch.

• 51:28Kurt Metzger?

  You're telling me that there was.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  That's a, well, that's the first part of the mystery, yeah.

• 51:32Kurt Metzger?

  They actually got kicked off of Etsy.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  They said they had to change, yeah, Etsy had to change its policies because people were suing because of all the witches and stuff like that.

• 51:40Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 51:41Speaker 03

  There's women. This is very common, which women love.

• 51:43Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, let me explain something. All kinds of dingy broads.

• 51:46Duncan Trussell?

  Curses.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  Type in Etsy witches lures because there's one that runs a group.

• 51:50Kurt Metzger?

  Women. No Kabbalah for you.

• 51:54Duncan Trussell?

  Etsy witches lures.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Then go click on news.

• 51:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, news.

• 51:59Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, some women do Cabal. Ellen, you saw how that turned out?

• 52:02Duncan Trussell?

  New Roseanne. Lots of people were mitzy.

• 52:05Kurt Metzger?

  Tiny shoes buried.

• 52:07Duncan Trussell?

  An Etsy witch made eighty thousand dollars after an influencer made her go.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Title of an article.

• 52:13Duncan Trussell?

  Holy Charlie Kirk.

• 52:18Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  Cause there's a witch that she has this huge group and she's scammed women out of money for like a good twenty years probably. And then a lot of them started to be like, hey, I don't think this girl's PhD is real because she told them she has a PhD in being a witch from Harvard. They started looking into it.

• 52:36Kurt Metzger?

  So you're telling me that someone's.

• 52:38Duncan Trussell?

  Witch doctor.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  These girls are twenty K's deep at this point.

• 52:41Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, wait a minute. I don't think there is a degree in witchcraft at Harvard.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  That's what they started thinking after fifteen years.

• 52:48Duncan Trussell?

  That's incredible. So, okay.

• 52:50Kurt Metzger?

  What's that to do with Charlie?

• 52:51Speaker 03

  There's lots of, well, these are, so the witches started having trouble once they, once they started putting hexes on Charlie Kirk, then he died. Then they started putting hexes on people's boyfriends, stuff like that. But there's a witch that runs like a Reddit group and different things with like a hundred different witches. And then one girl started being like, I think this woman's a fraud. And then she basically was trying to sue her for the ten, twenty thousand dollars. And the other witch came out. And then she basically, she was like, you are doing the spells wrong. It's not up to me. I tell you all the potions. If you don't use the right ingredients, like, did you use the right newt?

• 53:22Kurt Metzger?

  But I thought the fun is making your own recipes.

• 53:25Duncan Trussell?

  But their, their accusation of fraud was not like she's stealing her money. It's that your magic doesn't work.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Your magic doesn't work. And yeah, but then, so they've run a bunch of articles right now. The witch that is suing the other witch ran an article and then the main witch came out and she's saying like, no, my magic is, my magic's good. Like if you did it wrong.

• 53:43Duncan Trussell?

  All the directions.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:44Duncan Trussell?

  I can send you eggs and fucking flour and a cake recipe, but.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  And that's the current controversy, but with the Etsy witches have had a lot of controversies, but there is one currently where these women are in a war and it's being played out through blogs.

• 53:56Kurt Metzger?

  You know what? That's a whole other mystery you get to the bottom of because that's like, you know, if you take the mystery sphere, for example, that we're all part of. You're the rival.

• 54:06Speaker 03

  That's great. The mystery sphere.

• 54:07Kurt Metzger?

  You know, uh, our friend Ryan is also in the mystery sphere. So.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 54:13Kurt Metzger?

  And there's all this like infighting and then like, oh no, that's my, my mystery.

• 54:18Duncan Trussell?

  That's my technique.

• 54:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And, um, but you could see the, the larger game being played because I don't understand where dingbat like witch. A witch is a male or a female, by the way, but all these dumb asses that do it like they all, uh, you ever talked to somebody who's into witchcraft, but they, they think conspiracy.

• 54:35Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:36Kurt Metzger?

  Conspiracies.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Dude, women will say conspiracies are bad. And then basically Alex Jones, like people on the internet like, well, they'll go and say,

• 54:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Oh, this person, but yeah, I, I was talking to my astrology and I'm pretty sure the husband killed her. And then they send people to her house. That happened at the Idaho murderer where they, they started doing astrology. They decided they found who did the killing, sent people to his house, ruined the guy's life. Wrong guy.

• 55:00Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, fuck.

• 55:02Kurt Metzger?

  This is where?

• 55:03Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up that.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Idaho murderers. They had that.

• 55:05Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up trusted witches of Etsy on Reddit. Let's just check out what's going on here. This is a true mystery. I was not aware of. Etsy witches. I completely missed it. It makes sense.

• 55:13Kurt Metzger?

  I've got an Etsy seal of approval on all of my Kavala crafts.

• 55:16Duncan Trussell?

  Also, this is like not new. This has been going on forever. You go to a witch to curse people to tell your.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  They're supercharged online.

• 55:24Duncan Trussell?

  Moved on to Etsy, I guess. Trusted Etsy witches. This is a subreddit. Oh no. Lately I've been thinking about turning to witches, but I've never done this before. Okay. Let's scroll down and see if there's a link to inevitably one of, there you go. Customize witchy, witchy box. I'm a witch and I have an Etsy shop. I don't sell work or anything. My main source of income is customized witch boxes.

• 55:47Kurt Metzger?

  Me, me too.

• 55:51Kurt Metzger?

  If you know what I'm saying.

• 55:57Kurt Metzger?

  Let me customize your box.

• 55:59Duncan Trussell?

  Um.

• 56:00Kurt Metzger?

  Witch.

• 56:00Duncan Trussell?

  Why don't we click on customize witch boxes?

• 56:03Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, let me see a customized witch box.

• 56:08Duncan Trussell?

  I want to find this article.

• 56:10Kurt Metzger?

  I need a place to keep my vials of fluids.

• 56:13Duncan Trussell?

  This is how to make a witch box. What is a witch box?

• 56:19Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 56:20Kurt Metzger?

  Let's see, a lighter, is it?

• 56:22Duncan Trussell?

  Like some dice?

• 56:24Kurt Metzger?

  Some dice.

• 56:25Duncan Trussell?

  A fucking shitty candle?

• 56:28Kurt Metzger?

  A Gwyneth Paltrow smells like my buzzy candle?

• 56:31Duncan Trussell?

  It looks like a fetus in a jar.

• 56:34Kurt Metzger?

  A pickled punk.

• 56:35Duncan Trussell?

  A pickled punk?

• 56:39Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't like George Bush's wife have a aborted embryo in a jar in her library or something?

• 56:47Kurt Metzger?

  I've never heard that, but I would love to know more.

• 56:49Duncan Trussell?

  Can you look that up? Like, it's like, one of the Bushes has an aborted, or a miscarriage in a jar.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  Do you be surprised how many witches there are out there?

• 56:58Kurt Metzger?

  No, I wouldn't.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Like, one in two Hollywood women are witches.

• 57:01Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, the first lady Barbara Bush, uh, she showed him the preserved fetus in a jar.

• 57:09Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 57:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 57:13Kurt Metzger?

  So George W., his mom...

• 57:17Duncan Trussell?

  His mother, Barbara Bush, suffered a miscarriage when she was a teenager while driving to the hospital.

• 57:22Kurt Metzger?

  The most important thing is...

• 57:23Duncan Trussell?

  She showed him the preserved fetus in a jar.

• 57:26Kurt Metzger?

  He recalled looking in the jar and seeing what he viewed as a human life, a little brother, a sister.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  And it tasted pretty good, too.

• 57:36Duncan Trussell?

  Come on, dude. You don't eat it, you drink it.

• 57:39Kurt Metzger?

  So, just his great, his mother who looks like Aleister Crowley showed him a child in a jar.

• 57:44Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, wait.

• 57:44Kurt Metzger?

  And it shaped his presidency.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  You'll never be this.

• 57:47Duncan Trussell?

  During a 2010 television interview, Barbara Bush offered a slightly different recollection, stating that she did not put the remains in the jar, but rather that their house, a housekeeper named Crowley done it. Well, that makes it better.

• 57:58Kurt Metzger?

  Thank you for clearing that up.

• 58:00Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, I put your embryo in a jar.

• 58:01Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I had an objection to it until I heard that she had to help do it.

• 58:05Duncan Trussell?

  Great, a lot of housekeepers would have just flushed it.

• 58:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, go ahead and put a...

• 58:11Duncan Trussell?

  Is that...

• 58:11Kurt Metzger?

  Why would you show? Why would you do that? You know, they were like, I don't think that those things are true in the Epstein files like, does your family do shit like that?

• 58:22Duncan Trussell?

  On the way to the hospital, hey, you wanna see my embryo?

• 58:25Kurt Metzger?

  Now, this was your brother's sister, but now they live in a jar.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  Besides our shark fin from vacation?

• 58:31Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 58:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:33Kurt Metzger?

  Besides our heads of, uh, the skull of Geronimo that your dad fucks in the eye hole.

• 58:39Kurt Metzger?

  One day you'll fuck the eye hole of Geronimo's son. And I want you to think about-

• 58:43Speaker 03

  We wouldn't disgrace it with your small dick. We gotta wait it to grow.

• 58:46Kurt Metzger?

  You've got a dirty penis and needs to be washed.

• 58:49Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, we got off track. Let's get back to these Etsy witches. Let's maybe go on Etsy, look up, order a spell.

• 58:55Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what is the mystery, though? Like, why? Why?

• 58:58Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, the first mystery would be whether it works.

• 59:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  The second mystery is the drama in the witch community.

• 59:05Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, if you're on Etsy as a witch and your witchcraft, here's how you know if your witchcraft works.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  You can look up their spells, yeah.

• 59:10Kurt Metzger?

  If you're making money off of your witchcraft, then it works. The first level of it is to make money off it. The first level of magic is lying.

• 59:20Duncan Trussell?

  This truly-

• 59:21Kurt Metzger?

  Followed by making money.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:23Kurt Metzger?

  And then if you can-

• 59:24Duncan Trussell?

  There you go.

• 59:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 59:25Duncan Trussell?

  Let me manifest for you, same hour, same day. That's incredible. That is so smart. How much?

• 59:33Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't you womanfest it?

• 59:34Duncan Trussell?

  How much to manifest? Woman.

• 59:37Speaker 03

  And I think some of these women have gotten busted for off-shooting their spells.

• 59:42Duncan Trussell?

  Down from forty bucks.

• 59:43Kurt Metzger?

  Miss Cleo.

• 59:45Speaker 03

  They have a guy in India doing the spells for you.

• 59:47Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, we could get, we, we could call her maybe right now.

• 59:50Kurt Metzger?

  Wait a minute, you know what? That's kinda how this shit started out, cuz Madame Blavatsky was talking to a guy in India.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 59:58Kurt Metzger?

  She H1BV, she fivered that fucking wisdom. That's a mystery that we've solved, that fat bitch, Madame-

• 1:00:04Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:05Kurt Metzger?

  She looks like Lisa Trager.

• 1:00:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, we figured that one out. But this is good. I think we could get her to go on the show right now. And manifest for us.

• 1:00:13Kurt Metzger?

  Well, what do you wanna ma- oh, it's not a festival.

• 1:00:16Duncan Trussell?

  Let me manifest for you, same hour, same day. It's incredible.

• 1:00:20Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't you manifest?

• 1:00:21Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, why is it twenty-seven bucks? It was fourteen, like, three seconds ago.

• 1:00:27Kurt Metzger?

  What does with tools mean?

• 1:00:28Duncan Trussell?

  What's tools? Oh, she uses like candles and stuff like. Well.

• 1:00:34Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:00:34Duncan Trussell?

  She probably won't want to be on the podcast, though.

• 1:00:37Kurt Metzger?

  It's funny, because a nerdy guy would play like Dungeons and Dragons and pretend to do spells. You'd think a chick would be doing real spells.

• 1:00:46Duncan Trussell?

  I mean.

• 1:00:47Kurt Metzger?

  All these people, just so you know, if you're not like bloodline of a family that does this, you're a fucking muggle. That's how that shit works.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  You think you have. You think you have powers? That's cute.

• 1:00:57Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you don't have.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  And Anderson.

• 1:01:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:01Kurt Metzger?

  But no, there are people that do. Uh, uh, that have like the blood for it, and that's why they have secret societies. That's why Duncan keeps getting approached by the weirdest people.

• 1:01:10Duncan Trussell?

  He thinks I'm bloodline.

• 1:01:12Kurt Metzger?

  I know you are.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  So that's why you keep getting, and do you keep getting approached?

• 1:01:15Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know who he gets approached by? It's unbelievable. I mean, I, I don't even know where to begin.

• 1:01:20Duncan Trussell?

  Some of them, I honestly can't, I don't know if I.

• 1:01:23Kurt Metzger?

  So I just had Michael, you know, a book, The Twilight Language, I.

• 1:01:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I was just looking at it today. I need to get that back to you, to my house.

• 1:01:28Kurt Metzger?

  I was about to say, can I have it back? Because, um. So. Uh, Michael Hoffman was saying, do you remember Amazing Stories, the Spielberg show? The opening of it where they show a shaman around the fire telling a story?

• 1:01:42Duncan Trussell?

  Clearly.

• 1:01:42Kurt Metzger?

  And then it turns into a TV with a family watching the TV like it's the fire.

• 1:01:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Kurt Metzger?

  That's, that's what, so the people get to tell all the stories that are like the legacy acts of this. That is such a massive form of power and it's a hundred percent intel and all, everybody, everybody knows how important it is. You know, there's whole economies based on like, why'd you fuck up Star Wars? They're so bad.

• 1:02:06Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:02:07Kurt Metzger?

  Like, people feed their family off of it.

• 1:02:09Duncan Trussell?

  Huge cultural ripples, right? I mean, I remember, I think it's been watered down a little bit by the fragmentation from the internet. But I remember like, you know, the summer movie, that would define the way kids in high school dressed.

• 1:02:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Duncan Trussell?

  And talked, that was.

• 1:02:26Kurt Metzger?

  What, summer movie powder? I remember that. Did you guys have a powder phase where everybody was?

• 1:02:31Duncan Trussell?

  I did not have a fucking powder.

• 1:02:32Kurt Metzger?

  Everyone was a shaved albino, putting a spoon on their nose.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Throwing people across the room, just using your powers.

• 1:02:39Duncan Trussell?

  But yeah, it was like, it was so powerful when like Back to the Future came out, like what that would do to like at least high school, summer camp, culture.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Kids or something like that?

• 1:02:49Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it was like, it's huge. It's very, very powerful. It like to find.

• 1:02:54Kurt Metzger?

  Spielberg's in charge of that for the last, how many years?

• 1:02:57Duncan Trussell?

  A while.

• 1:02:58Kurt Metzger?

  And then when you see, so, uh, when I freaked him out from showing him from Control of History, the Cambrian, you remember Cambrian?

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought you meant Spielberg. I was like, that's hilarious if you hung out with Spielberg and freaked him out.

• 1:03:10Kurt Metzger?

  Spielberg's, I think Spielberg's a fucking creep.

• 1:03:13Duncan Trussell?

  You do?

• 1:03:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Duncan Trussell?

  Steven Spielberg?

• 1:03:16Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:17Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man. Um, I know his last movie, didn't it kind of flop? Like that was.

• 1:03:21Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, his last movie is one of the creepiest fucking implication.

• 1:03:24Duncan Trussell?

  But wasn't it sort of a letdown? Like, it's like, it's a sign of his sort of waning.

• 1:03:29Kurt Metzger?

  It's a sign of, uh, J.J. Abrams' mystery box storytelling. We all know how Lost sucked ass at the end, right? Remember Lost?

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Kurt Metzger?

  And Lost strung you along.

• 1:03:40Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't go, because I knew it was bullshit, like six.

• 1:03:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I never got into it either, but I know people were upset at it. And he, J, we did J.J. Abrams TED Talk. He's a TED Talk about mystery box storytelling. There's a reason he was gonna be the new Spielberg for a minute. So what is mystery box storytelling? And he goes, well, he would go in a magic shop, like Pee-wee Herman in the movie. And, um, yeah, the mystery box.

• 1:04:05Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, is there like a short, yeah, let's see.

• 1:04:10Kurt Metzger?

  Is this like a short?

• 1:04:11Speaker 06

  Like mind-blowingly inspiring to me. I realized that.

• 1:04:13Kurt Metzger?

  Turn it up.

• 1:04:14Speaker 06

  That blank page is a magic box. You know, it needs to be, you know, filled with something fantastic. I used to have the Ordinary People script that I'd flip through it. The romance of the script was amazing to me. When it would inspire me, I wanted to try and fill the pages with the same kind of, uh, spirit and, and, and thought and emotion that, that that script did.

• 1:04:31Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, actually.

• 1:04:31Speaker 06

  So that is, you know, the, the.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Has a box.

• 1:04:33Speaker 06

  Apple computers, I'm obsessed. So.

• 1:04:34Kurt Metzger?

  Because he went to, this isn't the right thing, by the way. Okay, so I'm sure it's fascinating, but he's talking about how you go in this, this like novelty place and it's like.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  You have a couple beers, mystery box time.

• 1:04:45Kurt Metzger?

  And there's a question, question mark. That's how you allure pussy. That's how you catch box with a, with a mystery box.

• 1:04:51Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:04:53Kurt Metzger?

  But he goes, it'd be like, I forget.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  That's when you're getting a sex change and they go, how does the vagina work? They go, it's a mystery.

• 1:05:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. So it would say 25 cents or the question mark. And you open the box and maybe it's something really good and maybe it sucks, right? But either way, a Jew made money. It's not the talk. I'm paraphrasing it. I've studied Kabalot.

• 1:05:16Duncan Trussell?

  I know.

• 1:05:16Kurt Metzger?

  But the point is.

• 1:05:18Duncan Trussell?

  I can tell.

• 1:05:19Kurt Metzger?

  You keep trailing out, you know, on mystery boys. We solve too many mysteries here and I've been saying that we're here to cause mysteries.

• 1:05:25Duncan Trussell?

  We make them too.

• 1:05:27Kurt Metzger?

  Sounds like crime, but.

• 1:05:28Duncan Trussell?

  On YouTube.

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta get high on your own supply.

• 1:05:30Duncan Trussell?

  On YouTube, can you pull up dark web box unboxing?

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  So this is how he writes his scripts with the box?

• 1:05:36Kurt Metzger?

  So mystery box storytelling, he calls it. So that's where I drop little clues for you to follow that are interesting enough, but I, you don't have the answer and you watch the whole show. It, he's doing it like it's an amazing thing, but in practice, everybody felt like they got fucking swindled. You know? And that's called, that's from Babylon. That's mystery religion. So if you're in a thing like, you know, Freemason, any kind of secret society.

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  He's breadcrumbing.

• 1:06:05Kurt Metzger?

  You get a breadcrumb and then you take an oath to not tell and then we tell you more. Or CIA.

• 1:06:11Duncan Trussell?

  Any of these.

• 1:06:12Kurt Metzger?

  You take an oath not to tell and then we'll tell you more secrets. You're never getting all the secrets.

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  Scientology.

• 1:06:19Kurt Metzger?

  Feed them a mystery sandwich is what L. Ron Hubbard said. So Jehovah Witnesses, by contrast, we would like stupidly just tell you the whole thing. Like you would get to know what the religion is before you join. Like, like we're idiots.

• 1:06:32Speaker 03

  The poorest of religions.

• 1:06:33Duncan Trussell?

  It's like you got tiers. You got initiatory levels.

• 1:06:35Kurt Metzger?

  But what you want to do, yes. So what is initiation? Like, why don't you just tell me the whole thing right now?

• 1:06:40Duncan Trussell?

  You're not ready. Trust me, I want to. You're not ready.

• 1:06:44Kurt Metzger?

  See how good it works, dude? And that's why he has 15 wives and is a fundamentalist Mormon.

• 1:06:50Duncan Trussell?

  Well, that's not why I have 15 wives because of the Lord. I had nothing to do with it.

• 1:06:56Kurt Metzger?

  This guy's the best.

• 1:06:59Duncan Trussell?

  You should come by for barbecue sometime.

• 1:07:01Kurt Metzger?

  I would love to, thank you very much. Well, keep this guy away from them wives.

• 1:07:04Duncan Trussell?

  You can come too.

• 1:07:05Kurt Metzger?

  When he starts doing those mystery pickup tricks.

• 1:07:07Duncan Trussell?

  You can come too.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  That is, I mean, the mystery pickup trick is, that is a pickup artist thing. You, you come in hard. And then you back off. You go, you know, you come in hard, you're beautiful, this and that. And then they go, do you wanna hang out with you? What the fuck?

• 1:07:19Duncan Trussell?

  The fuck, hell no.

• 1:07:20Kurt Metzger?

  That's the David's.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Fuck you bitch.

• 1:07:21Duncan Trussell?

  Fuck you with those floppy tits.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Get them floppy tits out of my face.

• 1:07:25Duncan Trussell?

  Here, you can have this bracelet.

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. You go, I didn't, you go, I didn't mean that.

• 1:07:29Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know how the FLDS guy with that beautiful jacket, how he discovered? So he was like a loser in that. So the FLDS is like the Mormons that are like, it's like you have 10 fives as a wife, as wives, right?

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Swinger wives.

• 1:07:45Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's like you swing in, but you're like, I don't care what I eat or fuck or whatever.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Kurt Metzger?

  You know, and it just shows how you're the king of the area.

• 1:07:53Duncan Trussell?

  We see the beauty within the form.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  I have a lot of wives. You don't wanna, don't, you can't see them, but they're.

• 1:07:57Kurt Metzger?

  This guy was the loser of the group. He was like, he didn't have any wives. So, but he found the diary of Warren Jeffs. So Warren Jeffs, the guy who had all them and he went to prison. His last dictate was like, nobody can get married and have kids anymore, cause he's not fucking, so nobody can fuck. And then he went catatonic and doesn't speak.

• 1:08:18Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I would love.

• 1:08:19Kurt Metzger?

  So they all, so imagine, he's not dead. He just doesn't speak to them anymore. He just stopped speaking altogether.

• 1:08:24Duncan Trussell?

  What does it look like in the diary?

• 1:08:26Kurt Metzger?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 1:08:27Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:08:28Kurt Metzger?

  What are you doing?

• 1:08:29Duncan Trussell?

  I'm riveted. I'm sorry.

• 1:08:31Kurt Metzger?

  Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like you're questioning me.

• 1:08:34Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not.

• 1:08:34Kurt Metzger?

  As a kabbalist.

• 1:08:35Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not, I'm not questioning you at all.

• 1:08:37Kurt Metzger?

  So he, so he was.

• 1:08:39Duncan Trussell?

  One second though.

• 1:08:40Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:08:41Duncan Trussell?

  I'm just kidding.

• 1:08:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 1:08:43Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sorry, man.

• 1:08:44Kurt Metzger?

  You got me pretty good with that.

• 1:08:45Duncan Trussell?

  I got him.

• 1:08:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's in a.

• 1:08:47Duncan Trussell?

  The kabbalist got got.

• 1:08:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's from the clipote, what you did. That's, uh, anyway, he finds the diary, the fat, it sounds like a Chris Farley movie setup. Like, he's the biggest loser and the fundamentalist, probably can be called.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  Finds the getting pussy diary.

• 1:09:02Kurt Metzger?

  He finds the pickup artist manual.

• 1:09:04Speaker 03

  The, the Christian game.

• 1:09:06Kurt Metzger?

  He shows up back in town from the other town with four wives and he starts taking everybody else and, and two guys following him.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Cause he's got the secret.

• 1:09:14Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Kurt Metzger?

  So I don't know what's in that guy's diary, Warren Jeffs. Now, here's where I get a little bit Kabbalah about it.

• 1:09:20Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 1:09:21Kurt Metzger?

  You know how I get.

• 1:09:22Duncan Trussell?

  I know how you get.

• 1:09:23Kurt Metzger?

  But I think that, because I've heard this before with these stories, especially in Hollywood, especially, uh, the children of these fucking actors from the various nests, they go, you, you try to get a spirit to come into you. You know, like method acting.

• 1:09:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Kurt Metzger?

  I felt like their spirit took me over, right? So they get into all this shaman kinda weirdo shit, but once you are not entertaining the demon, like you're older and fatter and whatever, it leaves and they're like a husk. So Warren Jeffs, I think the demon or whatever it is in Warren Jeffs.

• 1:09:56Duncan Trussell?

  Alright.

• 1:09:56Kurt Metzger?

  When Fatso from the documentary found his diary,

• 1:10:01Kurt Metzger?

  it, it jumped out of Warren Jeffs and into him because we're talking about a thing that's not alive in the sense that you and I are alive, but undead, meaning there's a written down legend, okay?

• 1:10:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Kurt Metzger?

  It's sigil, basically. There's a little remnants of, of in, disincarnate floating around in that principality. And it needs a new vessel and you can embody, and that's what he did. He got a cool, I mean, that's one of the best jackets I've ever seen in my fucking life.

• 1:10:27Duncan Trussell?

  Not a bad demon, if you're gonna get one.

• 1:10:29Kurt Metzger?

  I've, if I had a 15 year old daughter, you'd have, you'd have two kids with her by now.

• 1:10:33Duncan Trussell?

  That means the world to me.

• 1:10:34Kurt Metzger?

  Wearing that jacket.

• 1:10:35Duncan Trussell?

  That means the world to me.

• 1:10:36Kurt Metzger?

  I'd insist that you take my daughter.

• 1:10:37Duncan Trussell?

  I know you would. You're a man of God. You're a Kabbalist.

• 1:10:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, the Joseph Smith said, we need to always be sweet.

• 1:10:43Duncan Trussell?

  Always be sweet. Be sweet. I got it on my shoes. He had it on his shoes. Warren Jeffs had be sweet on the bottom of his shoes.

• 1:10:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, God.

• 1:10:51Duncan Trussell?

  It's beautiful.

• 1:10:52Kurt Metzger?

  Cause you're gonna be wearing these shoes for earrings.

• 1:10:53Duncan Trussell?

  Licking them.

• 1:10:56Duncan Trussell?

  Lick the bottom of my shoes.

• 1:10:58Kurt Metzger?

  That's the sweetest thing you can do.

• 1:10:59Duncan Trussell?

  It is.

• 1:11:00Kurt Metzger?

  I would have licked Christ's shoes if he were here, but he didn't, you know? I think he got Jim Jones sunglasses with it.

• 1:11:06Duncan Trussell?

  Serious question, would you look like Jesus's shoes?

• 1:11:09Kurt Metzger?

  Would I what?

• 1:11:10Duncan Trussell?

  So if like, I mean, this is.

• 1:11:11Kurt Metzger?

  Keep sweet, pray and obey.

• 1:11:12Duncan Trussell?

  Jesus is real.

• 1:11:14Kurt Metzger?

  You see his face?

• 1:11:15Duncan Trussell?

  He's not gonna answer.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  Is this the guy that?

• 1:11:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Warren Jeffs, but look at that one picture. He looks like Chris Mellon, the disclosure UFO guy.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  He's the real six god, by the way.

• 1:11:24Kurt Metzger?

  No show, yeah, but he's going catatonic and a fatso in a beautiful jacket took over the whole operation. After finding it.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  How many wives does he have?

• 1:11:34Duncan Trussell?

  A ton.

• 1:11:35Kurt Metzger?

  Oh dude, he had a ton.

• 1:11:36Duncan Trussell?

  So many wives. I don't think he had as many as Jeff.

• 1:11:39Kurt Metzger?

  Warren Jeffs took over his dad's old wi- his dad Roulan. Warren Jeff took his wives.

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  He took his dad's wives?

• 1:11:47Kurt Metzger?

  Do they? They're like Greek, Greek mythology, the shit they motherfuckers pull.

• 1:11:51Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:11:52Kurt Metzger?

  Now, keep in mind, it sounds hot, but it's not. They're all gross.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  It's not like you see in the films.

• 1:11:59Duncan Trussell?

  But that's his mom's technically.

• 1:12:00Kurt Metzger?

  Look at their faces.

• 1:12:01Speaker 03

  His stepmom.

• 1:12:02Kurt Metzger?

  Will you put Chris, okay, so put in Chris Mellon and I want to just compare this.

• 1:12:07Kurt Metzger?

  Chris Mellon, I think one L. Yeah, that, that, doesn't he look like him? Doesn't he look like Warren Jeffs?

• 1:12:14Duncan Trussell?

  Similarity there for sure.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  So in your mind, do these guys believe it 100% all in or are they a little bit in their mirror like I'm getting away with something?

• 1:12:23Kurt Metzger?

  So here's a real thing from Cabo La that I found from that guy's channel that I thought was very interesting, actually. And it was talking about like, there's a serpent that goes up your spine, your chakras that it tries to convince you that you are that serpent. And then when you get really old, it convinces you that it is God. So this fucker has this, so maybe it's just poems, but this fucker has a thing up his spine that is convincing him. All these disincarnated entities need to hijack your, you're not just observer, you're a projector. So you know the secret where they go, you can manifest?

• 1:13:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:01Kurt Metzger?

  Well, kind of, that's true, but we're all here, asshole. Everybody's here trying to manifest, so it's not like you, you know, the people that really do magic.

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  Words to it.

• 1:13:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, people do magic are, I gotta get you all in a football stadium and do a Madonna fucking hermaphrodite ritual. To get psychodrama in your brain.

• 1:13:20Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, wait, what, so what do you think before a demon comes into your body? What are you saying is there like a soul? Do you believe in a soul?

• 1:13:28Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, it's like, I don't know what you mean, like a Casper the ghost?

• 1:13:34Speaker 03

  Does it replace something else?

• 1:13:35Duncan Trussell?

  Like replace your soul?

• 1:13:36Kurt Metzger?

  I think that you are in, I think, well, no, so.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  You're describing a parasite, Mark.

• 1:13:41Kurt Metzger?

  So here's a thing from Joseph P. Farrell, that's, I never heard of, and it's very interesting. Um, and I heard other things that I, why I think this joke, so at a certain point in Egypt, they believe your body is inside of your soul, not the other way around. A toroid of a field around you, like riz, you could call it.

• 1:14:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Kurt Metzger?

  But all these things that like when you hear about Men in Black, there's people that have traditions of projecting their consciousness into other shit. So when I was telling you about that parasite thing that Gray told me, cause I go, well, what are the, what are these like, are they aliens? He goes, well, what do you mean? Do you mean, did their body come from here or did their brain, mind come from here? There's two different questions, which nobody asks.

• 1:14:22Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:23Kurt Metzger?

  And that's the thing that's classified as not UFOs, is consciousness.

• 1:14:26Duncan Trussell?

  What I mean is like, if this, you know, is true, that people can be mounted by spirits, then you have to ask yourself, have, is it me in me or is there a demon in me? How do you know you don't have a spirit in you right now?

• 1:14:41Kurt Metzger?

  What radio station did you tune in? So if you found the diary of Warren Jeffs and it's telling you. The game. So let's not make it like some spirit thing. It's just like game, right?

• 1:14:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:53Kurt Metzger?

  But you, that's the way your, your conscious isn't coming out of the meat of your brain.

• 1:14:57Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:14:57Kurt Metzger?

  Like you're, you're Sam, uh, what's that?

• 1:14:59Duncan Trussell?

  Sam Harris?

• 1:15:01Kurt Metzger?

  All those dipshits that are like, no, it's just a byproduct of.

• 1:15:03Duncan Trussell?

  Byproduct.

• 1:15:04Kurt Metzger?

  I think they're not right.

• 1:15:05Duncan Trussell?

  I don't either.

• 1:15:06Kurt Metzger?

  I think they're lying.

• 1:15:06Duncan Trussell?

  It's like engine exhaust or something.

• 1:15:08Kurt Metzger?

  You're picking up a projection. So when they go with the hologram, well, projected from where and blah, blah, blah. The consciousness is getting projected into your meat. That's why a lot of these like isn't some crazy shit about, I heard about people that are hardcore into that sorcerer shit. They'll get like a ligament or like little pieces of something and like implanted in them. You know how when people get an organ transplant and they never like french fries, but now they like them? Cause the guy that owned the kidney liked them.

• 1:15:36Duncan Trussell?

  You got a little bit of Usain Bolt in you.

• 1:15:38Kurt Metzger?

  Every bit of DNA is a receiver. It's kind of key. That's why they have to give you drugs to keep your body from killing.

• 1:15:45Duncan Trussell?

  I got one for that. Can you guys pull up heart transplant? I think the heart came from a suicide and then the dude who got the heart committed suicide. I'm pretty sure this happens with heart transplants. Like, like people really, their personality.

• 1:15:58Speaker 03

  Happy guy took the suicide heart.

• 1:16:01Duncan Trussell?

  Man, yeah. Man with suicide victim's heart takes own life. A man who received a heart transplant 12 years ago and later married the donor's widow. Died the same way the donor did.

• 1:16:10Kurt Metzger?

  That is crazy.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Blaming on the heart.

• 1:16:13Kurt Metzger?

  How do you find?

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  It might be another culprit.

• 1:16:14Duncan Trussell?

  It could be something else.

• 1:16:16Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, how did you find the donor's widow? How did he find the donor widow?

• 1:16:20Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sure she's like, I just want to hear his heartbeat.

• 1:16:22Speaker 03

  The heart wants what the heart wants.

• 1:16:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah. But that's wild. I mean.

• 1:16:27Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't know about that.

• 1:16:28Duncan Trussell?

  There's neurons in the heart. There's like actual neurons in the heart. And so when you, when you, when it's not, you know.

• 1:16:34Kurt Metzger?

  I felt like I had known her for years.

• 1:16:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:37Kurt Metzger?

  That's creepy as hell. Well, anyway.

• 1:16:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'd like to see her in an interview where she's just like the most annoying one. Like, I guess it's the heart.

• 1:16:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. She's like, you're just like him. I, you should, it wasn't hard all along, you piece of shit.

• 1:16:50Kurt Metzger?

  There's all kinds of shit floating around that you could tune into if you want. If you want to do comedy, you know, if you're being really good on stage, or I, this is what I claim, is like, you almost become the room. Like, there's nobody that can take control away from you because you're literally the room.

• 1:17:04Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:05Kurt Metzger?

  You know what I mean? And that's like,

• 1:17:07Duncan Trussell?

  I've seen that happen sometimes, and it's wild when you see a comic shift into that place where it's like, it does seem like they're channeling, or it does seem like you are.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  So there can be a positive demon?

• 1:17:16Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:17:16Kurt Metzger?

  It's not, yeah, I don't, look, I think all these words are, are gay, and I, and I say that as a, as a yellow belt.

• 1:17:22Speaker 03

  As a gay man.

• 1:17:23Duncan Trussell?

  As a yellow belt gay.

• 1:17:24Kurt Metzger?

  It says both a closeted gay man and a yellow belt of Kabbalah.

• 1:17:28Duncan Trussell?

  It's fine.

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  You don't like bad demon, you say essence.

• 1:17:32Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, pull up fecal.

• 1:17:33Kurt Metzger?

  I say it as a closeted Jew.

• 1:17:34Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up fecal transplant. Fecal transplant, same thing. You get like an athlete shit inside of you, and apparently it changes like what you want to eat.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  That apparently is true, yeah.

• 1:17:44Kurt Metzger?

  I really don't want to.

• 1:17:45Speaker 03

  When you put it in your mouth, I'll tell ya, it didn't help.

• 1:17:47Duncan Trussell?

  Not the same.

• 1:17:48Speaker 03

  Didn't help.

• 1:17:48Duncan Trussell?

  Not the same. It doesn't work.

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  Doctor, I think I ran a little slower.

• 1:17:53Duncan Trussell?

  But that, you know, that is crazy that like,

• 1:17:55Kurt Metzger?

  Let's just go to another thing. I, I don't know why it's gotta be a poop every time.

• 1:17:58Duncan Trussell?

  It doesn't have to be about poop every time.

• 1:18:01Speaker 03

  This show's been getting too poop heavy?

• 1:18:03Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, we're deep in the clipote now. That's the bad tree of death.

• 1:18:06Duncan Trussell?

  What's the clipote?

• 1:18:08Kurt Metzger?

  It's the, like, the dark reflection of the tree of life.

• 1:18:12Duncan Trussell?

  What happened, man?

• 1:18:13Kurt Metzger?

  The Sephiroth.

• 1:18:14Speaker 03

  Have you guys solved women who come out from a coma or something and they speak a different language?

• 1:18:20Duncan Trussell?

  This is the same shit, maybe like a spirit jumped into them.

• 1:18:22Kurt Metzger?

  It's just, look, you, you know, anything I ever made that was like funny, like really funny, it always, always felt like it was always there, and I happened to pick it out of the nonsense.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  I think that's true.

• 1:18:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:33Kurt Metzger?

  So, so that's why when they,

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  You discovered, you discovered it like a treasure.

• 1:18:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, it's already there. So what are you? Like, it's, it has, and I said this before, the story of the Adam and Eve name the animals, right? There's some kind of power implied in that, which is everything is just a bunch of atoms and nonsense until you name it and put limits around it and confine it. So that's some kind of power to do that, to name a thing, and it makes it hard. So,

• 1:19:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Kurt Metzger?

  for example, these stupid alien, uh, uh, Spielberg, Spielberg's, uh, alien movie.

• 1:19:08Kurt Metzger?

  They're all, before that, people would see like airships and steampunk bullshit.

• 1:19:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:12Kurt Metzger?

  So you have to be groomed with stories so you can give these things a form. Don't do that. I don't think that's a smart idea because I don't know what they're doing for you. But they don't have a form. It's a discarnate, right? And think of it like a coma. That's why I think that aliens, I think they're undead. Their core self, their little tree is done. And so aspects of them could be floating around and you could channel them, right? But they're not really alive. It's like being in a coma. The thing of what they are, that's like a, like a black hole. It's just a flat 2D, like General Zod in Superman 2 in the plane. Their core self is that, but their spirit, so that's why.

• 1:19:53Duncan Trussell?

  Your, their code, your hardware. They're like, their software.

• 1:19:57Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And so, so if you, and so whatever you pay attention to, that's the thing. If I get enough of you chained together to pay attention to a thing, I could warp reality. Let's say I want to change, oh, a King Kill 33, such as JFK. Everybody, there's, everybody sees the killing. And then the guy that kills him is killed by another guy who's a lone nut. None of that should add up to anybody unless they don't feel like looking at it. But it, it actually alters reality and you don't have to be magical about it. You, yeah, it did. Oh, 9/11 changed everything.

• 1:20:28Duncan Trussell?

  No, this is the thing. I was thinking about this. This is the thing you were saying. That the trauma, the cultural trauma from witnessing an assassination opens up a space in people where they could be conditioned. So there is a benefit to assassinating people beyond just getting rid of an enemy on a.

• 1:20:51Kurt Metzger?

  You can't keep doing it though, where the magic wears off.

• 1:20:53Duncan Trussell?

  You get used to it.

• 1:20:53Kurt Metzger?

  If you do it too much.

• 1:20:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:55Kurt Metzger?

  The people, like, you know, in all these like, uh, South American countries where we did all that, that's all America's fault. You know, they go, where do you blame America first? Of course I do, you fuckwit. Well, who else would I blame besides the person that did it? So all that, all that like chaos to, to, so you can have control, people get numb to it. You know, you get numb to trauma if you have too much trauma.

• 1:21:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:18Kurt Metzger?

  It becomes regular. Yeah. And right now, the, the quality of conspiracy has degraded so much. And I think dude, I think it's on purpose because when the Epstein files came out, anybody that has moved on from that, you're such a cunt. You're such a pussy and you deserve to be made into beef jerky and you will, and you will. Because the fact that everybody ignored that, they gave everybody enough to know what they do. They gave out enough to know exactly what they do. But not enough to prosecute them in a court. That should have been, everything burned down just because of that. But because everybody's a fucking punk. And so what, what happens is everybody, anybody goes, I think it was just teens at the island.

• 1:21:57Duncan Trussell?

  That's the new thing.

• 1:21:59Kurt Metzger?

  You gave them permission to be worse now. You, and you did.

• 1:22:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:03Kurt Metzger?

  They take that as permission. If you're wearing a COVID mask, you fuck wit. You're telling them that's how obedient of veal I am in my veal cage. That I won't look this up.

• 1:22:15Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:22:15Kurt Metzger?

  To see if it works.

• 1:22:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 1:22:17Kurt Metzger?

  I just feel comforted going back to my little torture cage. That BF Skinner had for rats. He discovered torturing rats.

• 1:22:24Duncan Trussell?

  And if you want to change me again, I'll be on board again.

• 1:22:27Kurt Metzger?

  Because my cage is where I'm comfortable. So the rats that they tested this on. When they would get stressed and they would pump cortisol, they'd want to go back to their box they were being electric shocked in. Because that's what they know.

• 1:22:39Duncan Trussell?

  That's what they're used to.

• 1:22:40Kurt Metzger?

  So that's what this punk ass country is. Don't, don't, oh, go back to Haiti, a shit hole country. Yo, your leaders eat your kids, you fucking cunts.

• 1:22:49Duncan Trussell?

  Celebrating America's 250th birthday.

• 1:22:52Kurt Metzger?

  Do you understand what a bitch you are as an American and what a loser you are? I hope you do. You deserve to be a cheese pizza and you will be. You fucking will be. Cause you deserve it. That's what we learned at Kabbalah class with, uh.

• 1:23:09Duncan Trussell?

  That's pow. Did you just do a spell? Was that a Kabbalistic spell? That was, it's like your spirit went in there.

• 1:23:14Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I, I can't tell you how many fucking. Never mind, uh, uh, my good friend Gavin Mcginnis that I apologize to.

• 1:23:23Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you for doing that.

• 1:23:25Kurt Metzger?

  For losing my temper at him, for calling me low IQ while he parroted the fucking propaganda term that people less smart than me all parrot, parrot together, right? They all go, "Well, it's not good that it was teens at the island, but I mean, is that that bad? We can move on. Rock and roll."

• 1:23:42Duncan Trussell?

  They go technically, pedophilia is, and then it's whatever the age is, and then after that, it's some, it's like different. This is the new thing.

• 1:23:51Kurt Metzger?

  Of course, it's norm. Look.

• 1:23:53Speaker 03

  It's always a hard sell, uh, being the, the technically.

• 1:23:56Duncan Trussell?

  Technically, look, I mean, was it really?

• 1:23:58Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's Alan Dershowitz. There's a really Alan Dershowitz of them. I mean, honestly, a lot of people accidentally invent two or three CIA cutouts and then walk away from them to say great points about Epstein. Vice CIA cutout, the Proud Boys CIA cutout. Isn't that interesting? I mean, the one CIA cutout could happen to anybody.

• 1:24:20Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, do you think this is like some kind of new thing being promulgated by the CIA that like, it's like, you know, it was bad? The, the.

• 1:24:27Kurt Metzger?

  I think they find warped personalities that are dipshit, rich kid narcissists, such as Gavin.

• 1:24:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:33Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, a lot of these people not, we have a, a lot of these people are rich kids and you know narcissistic and fucked are they are? Very.

• 1:24:41Duncan Trussell?

  Kind of feels like you're rolling back your apology here a little bit.

• 1:24:45Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, I, I, I was low IQ. Me, the Kabbalah master.

• 1:24:52Duncan Trussell?

  Takes a lot to admit that, man.

• 1:24:53Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, they all parrot the same thing. It was just teens, but here's a, here's a fun fact. The govern, the, the, uh, the DA, they wouldn't listen to anybody below the age of 14's complaints. So that's why it's all teens. It's not because there wasn't.

• 1:25:08Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's so fucked up.

• 1:25:09Kurt Metzger?

  And I encourage you to read Nick Bryant or have Nick Bryant, we'll have Nick Bryant on because he did all this research for many years. And so he's the guy that wrote about, uh, uh, the Franklin scandal, which I had not heard about.

• 1:25:23Duncan Trussell?

  Turtle?

• 1:25:24Kurt Metzger?

  Huh?

• 1:25:24Duncan Trussell?

  The turtle?

• 1:25:25Kurt Metzger?

  With turtle?

• 1:25:26Duncan Trussell?

  Franklin the turtle?

• 1:25:27Kurt Metzger?

  Who's that?

• 1:25:29Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know? Pull up a picture of Franklin the turtle. Where you're about to get, you're about to get your mind blown, friend.

• 1:25:35Kurt Metzger?

  The first I've heard of it.

• 1:25:36Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god, this is the most.

• 1:25:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it wasn't him, so.

• 1:25:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, no. It could have been.

• 1:25:41Kurt Metzger?

  I just didn't know he had a scandal. What does he have to do with Pete, oh, he's friends with Pete Hexeth?

• 1:25:45Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, Pete Hexeth is beefing with Franklin the turtle?

• 1:25:49Kurt Metzger?

  I thought I might see.

• 1:25:50Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what? Pete Hexeth got this, did you already know about this? Pete Hexeth is, is beefing with his turtle, wait, what? On, over the weekend, Defense Secretary.

• 1:26:01Kurt Metzger?

  Violent meme.

• 1:26:01Duncan Trussell?

  Posted a violent meme of a turtle.

• 1:26:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, this is when they blew up those fishermen and said they were coke dealers, that's what he did. So do you remember Venezuela, they blew up those boats and like, we're blowing up fucking cocaine? There's no such thing as Venezuelan cocaine, by the way, that's.

• 1:26:15Duncan Trussell?

  I've never heard of that.

• 1:26:16Kurt Metzger?

  Every country in South America, except Venezuela.

• 1:26:18Duncan Trussell?

  No one's like, this is Venezuelan blow.

• 1:26:20Kurt Metzger?

  You ever have some uncut Venezuelan?

• 1:26:22Duncan Trussell?

  Never heard of that.

• 1:26:24Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that was the lie they did while they just murdered people randomly.

• 1:26:27Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, Hexeth posted this shit.

• 1:26:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's Franklin. Well, that wasn't really a controversy, everybody just forgot about that. Also, why do we kidnap the president of Venezuela? Does anybody know?

• 1:26:38Duncan Trussell?

  No one's even talking about that anymore.

• 1:26:40Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know why? Yeah, where is he?

• 1:26:42Duncan Trussell?

  Nope.

• 1:26:42Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, his wife are in the witness room. Well, I, I, I'm down with Yang, I think he was CIA the whole time.

• 1:26:48Duncan Trussell?

  He didn't seem that upset in the arrest video.

• 1:26:50Kurt Metzger?

  The Franklin scandal is when all the Republicans were, had, uh, boys, they were raping. The, the, uh, Washington Page boy scandal. That's during the, I want to say George W. Bush years where. It's just like now, nothing changes. A bunch of gay guys sneaking in, getting ass fucked in the.

• 1:27:07Duncan Trussell?

  How about when they found all the fucking porn that, in the Pentagon, remember that?

• 1:27:12Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:27:12Duncan Trussell?

  Remember that?

• 1:27:13Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know that.

• 1:27:13Duncan Trussell?

  Look up. From Pentagon, or was this?

• 1:27:15Kurt Metzger?

  Well, with the IT guys, which, which time?

• 1:27:17Duncan Trussell?

  No, it was like, it was a big story for, it was like up there with the CIA cocaine plane.

• 1:27:22Kurt Metzger?

  So anyway. There's a reason these things keep coming up.

• 1:27:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, wait, no. Caution.

• 1:27:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, this is.

• 1:27:31Duncan Trussell?

  It's your, it's the genre of child porn you like. Oh yeah.

• 1:27:35Kurt Metzger?

  So we cover this on Jimmy's show.

• 1:27:37Duncan Trussell?

  Pentagon workers found to have downloaded pornography.

• 1:27:39Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:27:40Duncan Trussell?

  Dozens of staff and contractors with high level of security clearance put at risk of blackmail by their sex crimes. So this is just insidious.

• 1:27:47Kurt Metzger?

  Do we? So before I knew what the shit I know now, which is horrific, the stuff I know now, we covered this on Jimmy's show. And it was another like, wow, look what scumbags work at the CIA and Pentagon. You already know they, this is what I don't get. People already know this. That Bustamante, Andrew Bustamante guy will tell you how somebody he was trying to get information from wanted CP. So he told this commanding all whatever. And the guy that gave him a package, he goes, and they had a package of it. And it's like, that's what you have to do to get, okay, what's the good that was done from that? I, I'm, I, I haven't seen it.

• 1:28:19Duncan Trussell?

  And, but no, the real question is like, what? There's nothing that justifies that. Like it doesn't, then you have to tell that person, I can't get that.

• 1:28:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, there is. It's called the Greater Israel Project and I, I think you better.

• 1:28:31Duncan Trussell?

  It's so fucked up.

• 1:28:33Kurt Metzger?

  Do you need to talk to Levin again? Liberty Levin?

• 1:28:36Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta get him on the show. He's a hard get.

• 1:28:38Kurt Metzger?

  You like Liberty? You watch Liberty Levin?

• 1:28:40Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's the best. It's, it's one I wanna wake up.

• 1:28:42Speaker 03

  This is out of my purview.

• 1:28:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Greater Israel. So this is a thing on all their patches, on their uniforms. This is why they keep attacking people is because the, there's Greater Israel. See all those countries that, that belong to Israel?

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  Oh, Greater Israel Project's just that the other countries will be part of the thing.

• 1:29:01Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna steal all your shit because it's ours. Bring it up to somebody who's highly pro-Israel. They never heard of it. They'll act like you're making it up, but I'm not making it up. Bibi Netanyahu, the greatest leader we've ever had.

• 1:29:15Kurt Metzger?

  He brings it up all the time. They say it in Hebrew because they think no one's ever gonna translate Hebrew, but they do.

• 1:29:20Duncan Trussell?

  But this, this is, this is sort of the annoying thing when you wanna be an imperialist today.

• 1:29:25Kurt Metzger?

  No, Gavin thought it was low IQ that.

• 1:29:28Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, hold on.

• 1:29:28Kurt Metzger?

  They would have blackmail on Trump to do their fucking fucked up thing.

• 1:29:32Duncan Trussell?

  What's frustrating with people like.

• 1:29:34Kurt Metzger?

  But I was wrong. I apologize Gavin.

• 1:29:35Duncan Trussell?

  What's frustrating with people like him and Putin and in the United States is when you wanna do colonization now, in the old days, you could just. You just take over places. You didn't have to make a

• 1:29:46Kurt Metzger?

  And we did.

• 1:29:46Duncan Trussell?

  You did it just to take over. Now there has to be

• 1:29:48Speaker 03

  Sure, you gotta be, you need a story now.

• 1:29:50Duncan Trussell?

  There's a reason, like, we need a buffer zone. It's for the safety of our people. But it's the same shit. It's just colonization. It's imperialism. It's

• 1:29:58Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they've never stopped. We, we, yesterday, we played Megyn Kelly, saying, like, tell them the Haitians to go home. Now, just so you know, those Haitians that she's talking about are legally here because, by the way, Trump kept all the Indians in, he didn't mass deport anyone. Trump kept all the things at lower wages. We covered that, where he said he's doing it. Nobody stuck with it. Everybody went, "Oh, I'm loyal to Trump." Yo, Megyn Kelly, this dumb bitch, you remember the Clintons? I know she supposedly doesn't like them. The reason Hades liked that is because the Clintons were over there. And before that is because the French and the Americans. When Clinton was in, and later when George W. came in,

• 1:30:43Kurt Metzger?

  the heiress, the president, he demanded that the, like, Levi's are made there and all these other things. They raised the minimum wage by 20 cents from 25 cents to fucking some piddly amount. And that's why he had to be a coup immediately, because these companies are not going to allow them to make that much more money. So then you'll have Dominican Republican people go, "Why, how come the DRs better?" Well, the DR helps with the human trafficking, and they allow the US to invade Haiti, whatever it wants. Haiti is being punished because it's the only country to, in recorded history, to have a successful slave revolt. Spartacus failed. All the ones you heard of failed, except Haiti.

• 1:31:26Kurt Metzger?

  And Haiti had to pay reparations for not being slaves to France until 1985.

• 1:31:34Kurt Metzger?

  Not only that, Chase Bank is who made the commission off that.

• 1:31:38Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:31:38Kurt Metzger?

  The bank that can't work with Kanye because of his rhetoric.

• 1:31:42Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:31:42Kurt Metzger?

  They actually made slave, they helped slaves pay reparations to slave owners in the eighties. Does anybody know that? So every dumb fuck.

• 1:31:52Duncan Trussell?

  Never.

• 1:31:53Kurt Metzger?

  So just, I want to point it out to anybody go, that's a shithole country. You live in a country where your leaders, uh, grape and eat your kids, you dumb fuck. Do you understand that? So I think that's shittier than Haiti even. In fact, Haiti is shitty because they don't have, they could do even more of it there.

• 1:32:11Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, open that up. Bank admits it owned slaves. What? This is my favorite thing about you is it's always true.

• 1:32:21Kurt Metzger?

  When you actually look into anything, you find out.

• 1:32:24Duncan Trussell?

  Crazy.

• 1:32:24Kurt Metzger?

  But then, so when you hear like the guardians of fucking fake paper, right? So when you hear lefties talking about it, they're always upsetting, right? They're, they suck. And that's because most of them are part of the same fucking thing where they focus on the wrong parts. Because there's no left and right. There's upstairs and there's downstairs and that's all there is.

• 1:32:44Duncan Trussell?

  Wait.

• 1:32:44Kurt Metzger?

  So that's why these fuckers and the NPR people don't like Travis Pastrana doing dirt bike jumps.

• 1:32:50Duncan Trussell?

  This, this, okay, this, this admission, this admission is 200 years ago, not in the eighties. But you.

• 1:32:57Kurt Metzger?

  But the whole thing is that, uh, the, uh, look, the whole thing is that although George, uh.

• 1:33:02Speaker 03

  You're saying they were, they did the transaction and they.

• 1:33:04Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what does the AI say? Did not pay for, but it became the first major US bank to provide a form of financial restitution.

• 1:33:13Kurt Metzger?

  To the slave owners.

• 1:33:15Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, the bank issued a formal apology for black students. It's just, you're not going to find that on the app.

• 1:33:20Kurt Metzger?

  It's nonsense. It's all nonsense. Uh, if you want to understand the whole fucking conspiracy with no magical bullshit in it. Tragedy and Hope by Carol Quigley, the mentor of Bill Clinton. He wrote a book about the history of the New World Order from World War Two. Oh, World War One, excuse me. Until now, he was given cosmic level clearance to read the genealogies of the Cecil Rhodes people and all. And, um, he didn't know they didn't want him putting all the, he thought it was a great idea. He wasn't against this plan at all. He was like, oh, good, a techno state run by experts. And atheists and whatever, the things you heard as a conspiracy, they're doing that. That's always been the goal. You, it's not a conspiracy because they've written about it repeatedly and told you.

• 1:34:05Kurt Metzger?

  So it's not a conspiracy. That conspiracy is hidden. So he put this book out, the fucking, it got suppressed briefly. Uh, my rabbi, Richard Grove, sent it to me.

• 1:34:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:16Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, I didn't read it. I read the retard notes of it, which are also kind of thick. But, uh, anyway, Carol Quigley, one of the most respected polymaths from Georgetown University. Cosmic clearance.

• 1:34:28Duncan Trussell?

  Rooting the happy ending of America.

• 1:34:30Kurt Metzger?

  So basically.

• 1:34:31Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, where's that?

• 1:34:32Kurt Metzger?

  The original secret society, it's in the movie Kingsman. You ever see Kingsman?

• 1:34:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:37Kurt Metzger?

  So, uh, the thing of, they were called Cecil Rhodes round tables. Cecil Rhodes, imagine Nick Fuentes like homosexual that's pretending to be trad. And he goes to Africa and he, he fucks black guys and builds an empire all up and down.

• 1:34:51Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up a picture of Cecil Rhodes real quick?

• 1:34:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, there's Cecil Rhodes. And when you see fashy looking boys like Gavin Mcginnis, that look of like the young, uh, you know, Spengler, Oswald, you know, uh.

• 1:35:03Duncan Trussell?

  So this dude, you're saying he was out there banging black dudes?

• 1:35:06Kurt Metzger?

  He said, I built my empire in the belly of the Caffer, meaning he fucked so many of them in their ass. And blew loads in their shitter that he, it's unbelievable.

• 1:35:18Duncan Trussell?

  I spent a lot of time in the belly.

• 1:35:19Kurt Metzger?

  Wow. He got up in their guts. I think he's lying. I don't believe he's got that big of a dong myself.

• 1:35:26Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know. Look at those eyes.

• 1:35:26Kurt Metzger?

  I think he's, I think they spend more time in his guts.

• 1:35:29Duncan Trussell?

  Look at the nose. Look, look at that. He might have a big flappin dong.

• 1:35:33Kurt Metzger?

  Now, he's the father of both apartheid and, get this, the concentration camp, which I corrected Candace Owens on when she came on Jimmy Dore's show. She said the Soviets invented that. No, they don't.

• 1:35:45Duncan Trussell?

  No, Cecil Rhodes.

• 1:35:46Kurt Metzger?

  It was Sir Cecil Rhodes. In the prequel, The King's Man with Ralph Fiennes, they depict it. In the book, they show the Boer War. So that was a coed, like black and white concentration camps. The British put the Boers and the Blacks, and it looks just like Auschwitz, except it's, it's, uh, black and white people.

• 1:36:04Duncan Trussell?

  What are these called? What did he call the camps?

• 1:36:07Kurt Metzger?

  Concentration camps.

• 1:36:08Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up, I, I don't know.

• 1:36:10Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know what he called them. They were the first concentration camp.

• 1:36:12Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up Rhodes.

• 1:36:13Kurt Metzger?

  So this fuck, oh.

• 1:36:14Speaker 03

  Who was the first concentration camp to break the color barrier? That's what you're saying?

• 1:36:17Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I admire him to this day.

• 1:36:19Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:19Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, and so, and by the way, a closeted, deeply closeted, violent homosexual. Do you see this theme popping up with these like real trad conservatives? They're all like bizarre.

• 1:36:31Speaker 03

  You're saying sassy gays.

• 1:36:33Kurt Metzger?

  But like secret wiggers too, even though they're racist.

• 1:36:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:36:36Kurt Metzger?

  They're racist, but they're also wiggers.

• 1:36:38Speaker 03

  My favorite character.

• 1:36:39Duncan Trussell?

  Do you really think that's all it is, man? It's just like repressed, like their, their sexuality is so repressed.

• 1:36:44Kurt Metzger?

  The most powerful magic there is.

• 1:36:46Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:36:47Kurt Metzger?

  Aleister Crowley taught us the magic is in your butt.

• 1:36:51Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:36:51Kurt Metzger?

  Tunnels of Typhon, as, uh, as Ryan could tell you.

• 1:36:55Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:36:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I could tell you that.

• 1:36:56Duncan Trussell?

  So do, so you think like, if like any of these people just fuck, I could.

• 1:37:02Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, if you want, I could. We don't have to.

• 1:37:04Duncan Trussell?

  You think if any of these people just like, fuck the dude, like their politics would change?

• 1:37:10Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I watched a video.

• 1:37:11Speaker 03

  It's a chicken and egg situation, but I think the, uh, argument is.

• 1:37:16Duncan Trussell?

  Which came first?

• 1:37:19Speaker 03

  Him or the slave, I guess.

• 1:37:21Kurt Metzger?

  It's actually Back to the Future is a form, is about ass fucking. It's a form of time travel.

• 1:37:25Duncan Trussell?

  Come on.

• 1:37:27Speaker 03

  No, it's about, well, could the argument not be that it's about power, the, and then it's about power. Also likes it a bit.

• 1:37:35Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, I had sex with a gay Republican. So you don't have to. That's where you're wrong, Davey. That's where you're wrong, Davey Raw. Davey Waverly Raw. That's where you're fucking wrong. It's called the Franklin scandal.

• 1:37:45Speaker 03

  This guy's saying he did it for the movement.

• 1:37:48Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, look at that face. Oh, I would love a freeze frame of that face to remember forever.

• 1:37:55Kurt Metzger?

  There's a picture of Tony Hinchcliffe in the corner next to it. Look at Tony down there. Just all together. What a great composition.

• 1:38:04Kurt Metzger?

  The golden pony and this guy's face.

• 1:38:09Kurt Metzger?

  I had sex with a gay Republican. Is there any other kind?

• 1:38:17Kurt Metzger?

  Did you ever meet Elijah

• 1:38:17Speaker 03

  The Lindsey Graham, that is, that is the Lindsey Graham, the sort of

• 1:38:22Kurt Metzger?

  We call him neo cons, but it's Lindsey Graham.

• 1:38:24Speaker 03

  The original guy who got caught at the airport blowing, like blowing a dude, jacking off a guy.

• 1:38:29Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, he had a wide stance. No, he didn't blow anyone. What he did was, so let's say-

• 1:38:35Speaker 03

  He was cruising at the airport.

• 1:38:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, two shitters together. He was like the governor too.

• 1:38:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, this guy was not a nobody. To be cruising at the airport?

• 1:38:44Kurt Metzger?

  Well-

• 1:38:45Speaker 03

  I think a lot of people do that.

• 1:38:47Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, he had a wide stance, he said. So he's taking a shit and he spread his legs so far out that it kicked the foot of the guy in the next stall.

• 1:38:55Speaker 03

  It happens sometimes.

• 1:38:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my bad. Oh, you're not getting my bad.

• 1:38:58Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm sorry about that.

• 1:39:00Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, and then it kicked me back though. Oh-

• 1:39:02Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm sorry, man!

• 1:39:03Kurt Metzger?

  See how, either way it works.

• 1:39:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:06Kurt Metzger?

  I feel like they persecuted him. There it is, Larry Craig.

• 1:39:10Speaker 03

  Larry Craig, that's what it was.

• 1:39:12Kurt Metzger?

  Right, now remember-

• 1:39:13Speaker 03

  Craig infamously claimed I was just using a wide stance.

• 1:39:17Kurt Metzger?

  Remember Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert?

• 1:39:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:39:21Kurt Metzger?

  He was big during the Jon Stewart Daily Show times. And Dennis Hastert went from being a gym teacher or like a wrestling coach to the Speaker of the House. Why? Well, that has to do with the Franklin scandal. He was a pederast. He was some pedo. So when they did MK Monarch, that's the one, people say Ultra all the time, but they don't say Monarch for some reason.

• 1:39:43Speaker 03

  That's Monarch. You know that, right, Doug? I thought, no, I thought, honestly, I thought they were two separate things. Or like Monarch-

• 1:39:49Kurt Metzger?

  Ultra encompasses all the things.

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  And Monarch is part of MK Ultra.

• 1:39:53Kurt Metzger?

  So Gore Vidal, if you watch, uh, uh, United States-

• 1:39:56Speaker 03

  I only know Ultra, yeah.

• 1:39:58Kurt Metzger?

  Right. Uh, Bill Maher is like, oh, I, I don't know. It's a thing where they gave people acid, I guess. The great Bill Maher. What a fucking genius.

• 1:40:08Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:40:08Kurt Metzger?

  What a not a piece of shit fucking retard, huh?

• 1:40:12Speaker 03

  Dude-

• 1:40:12Kurt Metzger?

  What an honor to have him.

• 1:40:14Speaker 03

  So, so summation of MK Ultra?

• 1:40:17Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, if only Chelsea Lately was a man. Oh, he is. His name's Bill Maher.

• 1:40:22Speaker 03

  He's got some people high, I guess.

• 1:40:23Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look a fucking, like, whore mongering nothing with tiny fucking hands.

• 1:40:31Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, Trump's hands aren't that small.

• 1:40:33Duncan Trussell?

  Is that true?

• 1:40:34Kurt Metzger?

  That's true. Bill Maher's hands are quite small. That's why when me and Kyle would make fun of him, he would always have doll hands where he goes, "Why don't you pray?" And we have little doll hands.

• 1:40:43Speaker 03

  That's why I hated it.

• 1:40:45Kurt Metzger?

  Look at, yeah. You see how the projection?

• 1:40:49Speaker 03

  This is him at the editor.

• 1:40:51Kurt Metzger?

  But because he's such a Zio bitch, of course he's gonna go along with Trump when Netanyahu tells him,

• 1:40:58Kurt Metzger?

  "Let my nose take a bow." He only does it after a joke, he goes,

• 1:41:05Kurt Metzger?

  "This nose..."

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  You gotta wait for applause after those zingers.

• 1:41:07Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, there's a chink Wigger, the name you're not supposed to say.

• 1:41:10Speaker 06

  Jank, jank, jank.

• 1:41:12Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, Nick Mulligan goes, he goes, "You mean the name we're not even allowed to say? Chink Wigger."

• 1:41:16Speaker 06

  Jank, jank, jank.

• 1:41:17Kurt Metzger?

  That's his fucking name.

• 1:41:18Duncan Trussell?

  Are you?

• 1:41:20Kurt Metzger?

  C E N K, chink.

• 1:41:21Speaker 06

  Jank, jank, jank.

• 1:41:23Duncan Trussell?

  That's...

• 1:41:23Kurt Metzger?

  That's how you say the name!

• 1:41:25Duncan Trussell?

  No, no.

• 1:41:25Kurt Metzger?

  C E N K, chink.

• 1:41:27Speaker 06

  Jank, jank, jank.

• 1:41:28Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, please.

• 1:41:29Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not saying the slur.

• 1:41:30Duncan Trussell?

  This is crazy.

• 1:41:32Kurt Metzger?

  How do you say that? Chink Wigger.

• 1:41:35Speaker 03

  Type it, type that in.

• 1:41:36Kurt Metzger?

  His name is Chink Wigger. I'm not being...

• 1:41:39Speaker 06

  Jank, jank, grr. Jank, jank, jank.

• 1:41:42Kurt Metzger?

  Wigger.

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  No, type it in there.

• 1:41:43Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry that the English language doesn't conform to your fucking liberal bullshit.

• 1:41:47Speaker 03

  Type it in the "how do you say it?"

• 1:41:49Duncan Trussell?

  Pronunciation.

• 1:41:51Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, Nick Mulligan goes, "Oh, the guy whose name we're not supposed to say?"

• 1:41:53Duncan Trussell?

  No, wait, wait, let's ask ChatGPT.

• 1:41:55Speaker 03

  That's what I mean, ask.

• 1:41:56Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, hang on.

• 1:41:57Speaker 03

  The, the...

• 1:41:59Kurt Metzger?

  It's like saying Robert Reich is Robert Reich.

• 1:42:02Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on.

• 1:42:02Kurt Metzger?

  Shut the fuck up, Robert Reich, you fucking hip dysplasia midget.

• 1:42:06Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, my phone's out of juice. It's really funny to put ChatGPT in this situation, because it can't say that.

• 1:42:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:12Duncan Trussell?

  But if that is the pronunciation, you'll make it freak out.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  I went to high school with a guy that he used to say his last name was pronounced Peju, but it was Big O. We all knew.

• 1:42:22Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, it, does it not show you the pron- pronunciation?

• 1:42:25Speaker 03

  There's this, some, some of these sites will say it to you, you'll say it.

• 1:42:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:31Duncan Trussell?

  Okay. But what? Oh, yeah.

• 1:42:34Speaker 07

  Chink Wigger.

• 1:42:39Duncan Trussell?

  It won't do it.

• 1:42:40Speaker 07

  Jenk Uggush.

• 1:42:42Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, play, play it.

• 1:42:44Speaker 03

  It's not gonna do it.

• 1:42:45Speaker 07

  Uggush.

• 1:42:46Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what the fuck?

• 1:42:47Kurt Metzger?

  The fuck was that?

• 1:42:48Duncan Trussell?

  Play it again.

• 1:42:49Speaker 03

  He doesn't wanna get cancelled?

• 1:42:51Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, October 7th is the end of woke. Nobody's getting cancelled.

• 1:42:55Speaker 07

  Sank.

• 1:42:55Speaker 03

  Tell that to Google.

• 1:42:56Duncan Trussell?

  It's saying sink.

• 1:42:58Kurt Metzger?

  Go ahead.

• 1:42:58Speaker 07

  Sank Uiger.

• 1:43:02Speaker 03

  Wasn't it?

• 1:43:04Duncan Trussell?

  Play it again, play it again.

• 1:43:05Kurt Metzger?

  It's not sank.

• 1:43:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we know it's Uiger.

• 1:43:09Speaker 03

  Uiger for sure.

• 1:43:11Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, remember the Chinese Uigers, uh, the Uigers? Remember them? Remember how China oppresses Uigers?

• 1:43:17Speaker 03

  Are they still at their summer camps?

• 1:43:19Kurt Metzger?

  Vivek Patrani, Vivek Patrani came on Jimmy Dore's show and talked about how brutal it is.

• 1:43:24Speaker 03

  Vivek has to feed a pedala?

• 1:43:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and I go, what about Gaza? How many people is it? It's like, not anything close to that. But, nobody brings them up anymore, cuz now it's time to hate Muslims again. They'll tell you who you're supposed to hate.

• 1:43:37Duncan Trussell?

  Is that true? It's Muslim? We're supposed to hate Muslims now?

• 1:43:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:40Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't get that.

• 1:43:41Kurt Metzger?

  I've been trying my best to hate them, but, here's the thing. Remember you couldn't draw their guy, and that was like, really babyish of them? Remember that?

• 1:43:50Speaker 03

  He's, yeah, he is the most sassy gay god. He's like, nah, don't draw me, I look fat.

• 1:43:54Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so I used to make fun of him for that, but then... So I really enjoyed looking down on these dirty fucking muzzies for that, honestly, if I'm being really honest. But then, here in America, the advanced west that they could never be a part of, cuz of their religion, uh, we didn't know if women had cocks or not for 12 years.

• 1:44:13Kurt Metzger?

  So you see how I can't really look down on muzzies anymore? Cuz we don't know, we haven't had disclosure, if women have fucking cunts or cocks!

• 1:44:24Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, look.

• 1:44:26Kurt Metzger?

  The muzzies know, it's the one with the burka is the woman. Does she have a pussy? I don't know, I'm not her husband!

• 1:44:33Duncan Trussell?

  You're literally dressed like that drawing of Muhammad right now.

• 1:44:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I gotta have a little bit of a poop.

• 1:44:40Duncan Trussell?

  I do too.

• 1:44:40Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, a tinkle, but...

• 1:44:42Duncan Trussell?

  No, go poop.

• 1:44:43Kurt Metzger?

  Alright.

• 1:44:44Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta poop too. These white claws really make me poop.

• 1:44:47Speaker 03

  Drop some deuces?

• 1:45:05Duncan Trussell?

  Alright, let's do it. Song about genitals.

• 1:45:07Speaker 06

  We often feel embarrassed, or even feel some shame. But when speaking of our private parts, here's what to proclaim.

• 1:45:18Kurt Metzger?

  Put your clown dick away, that's shaming.

• 1:45:20Speaker 06

  That penis is what boys have down in front. Penis is the word, though it seems...

• 1:45:28Duncan Trussell?

  This is why we moved out of LA, man. This is every playground in LA.

• 1:45:32Kurt Metzger?

  LA would not allow this.

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  Is there Bill Nye?

• 1:45:37Speaker 03

  Bill Nye'd be puking right now.

• 1:45:39Duncan Trussell?

  LA playgrounds in the 90's.

• 1:45:43Kurt Metzger?

  Freeze!

• 1:45:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's Joe DeRosa's real dad.

• 1:45:48Duncan Trussell?

  No, no. No way.

• 1:45:50Speaker 03

  He does look like DeRosa, though.

• 1:45:51Duncan Trussell?

  Play it again.

• 1:45:52Kurt Metzger?

  Joe don't know his parents. You understand? He was adopted.

• 1:45:54Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:45:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well...

• 1:45:58Duncan Trussell?

  Dude!

• 1:45:59Kurt Metzger?

  Sometimes you fall into a mystery and solve it. I don't know what to say.

• 1:46:03Duncan Trussell?

  This is hardcore. Like, this is...

• 1:46:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, look, okay, so first we have, I think that's Gilligan or somebody singing. The original Gilligan?

• 1:46:15Kurt Metzger?

  But wait, what happened to DeRosa?

• 1:46:16Duncan Trussell?

  Go back, go back. You don't have to look up the original Gilligan. We gotta go, we... Oh shit.

• 1:46:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look at DeRosa.

• 1:46:22Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit.

• 1:46:24Kurt Metzger?

  Now let's go back to DeRosa's father.

• 1:46:28Kurt Metzger?

  Are you kidding? Did I solve a mystery? I just, I just-

• 1:46:32Duncan Trussell?

  In real time! This just happened!

• 1:46:34Kurt Metzger?

  It's just because once you're on the, on the tree of life, once you're in that, uh, circle, you're naturally going to fall into solving mysteries.

• 1:46:45Duncan Trussell?

  Can we, can we play?

• 1:46:46Speaker 03

  Find out who that guy is.

• 1:46:48Duncan Trussell?

  See if he has a, if he has a podcast.

• 1:46:49Kurt Metzger?

  That's where we turn to our junior, uh, mystery, uh, I don't know what's less than boy.

• 1:46:54Duncan Trussell?

  Let's play this. Let's play. I want to hear what he has to say.

• 1:46:56Speaker 03

  Junior mystery girl.

• 1:46:58Kurt Metzger?

  Mystery, you give me a mystery girl.

• 1:47:03Kurt Metzger?

  That's what the oral Torah teaches.

• 1:47:06Duncan Trussell?

  Let's uh, let's hit play on this real quick, uh, see what Mr. DeRosa has to say.

• 1:47:11Speaker 03

  The junior mystery boys have to be castrated?

• 1:47:15Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? That was like a gag?

• 1:47:16Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, do you see Tim Heidecker's Infowars takeover? I wanna look at that dude, don't you? Cause then you work with-

• 1:47:22Speaker 03

  This guy looks also, uh, like the other guy from Ferris Bueller.

• 1:47:26Kurt Metzger?

  Now, what is one thing wrong with a guy in, uh, Oshkosh, Bogosh for adults?

• 1:47:31Duncan Trussell?

  On a fucking slide.

• 1:47:32Kurt Metzger?

  A grown man in Oshkosh.

• 1:47:33Speaker 03

  Only sing to your kids about dicks and pussies, what's the issue?

• 1:47:36Duncan Trussell?

  It's so fucked up.

• 1:47:37Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, are you telling me-

• 1:47:38Speaker 03

  I have a couple songs about your dick that I wanna sing to your son.

• 1:47:41Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, I bring my kids to drag queens to read to them, why would I not bring them?

• 1:47:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I was-

• 1:47:51Kurt Metzger?

  I heard I don't have an anus.

• 1:47:53Speaker 03

  Do you think he's ever had a Christian veil blowout on the curb, in the outfit?

• 1:47:58Duncan Trussell?

  Look at the circles under that dude's eyes.

• 1:48:01Kurt Metzger?

  You're not bloody God? Like the lighting's wrong on his penis song?

• 1:48:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. God damn it, what the fuck was that, man?

• 1:48:09Kurt Metzger?

  Was Joe DeRosa's dad, for some reason, was involved in this educational? Can we just see Joe DeR- the mystery, look, we all know what our penis is, we're adults here, but-

• 1:48:18Duncan Trussell?

  But that was-

• 1:48:19Kurt Metzger?

  If Tanner got something out of it, I'm glad, but I'm talking about Joe DeRosa's father.

• 1:48:23Duncan Trussell?

  But this is breaking in for comic relief, like, start, go back to-

• 1:48:25Kurt Metzger?

  I have not told Joe DeRosa that I found his dad yet.

• 1:48:27Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you probably should've done that first.

• 1:48:30Kurt Metzger?

  Is everybody getting that this mystery is fucking solved? I mean,

• 1:48:35Kurt Metzger?

  we don't have the guy's name, but if anybody out there-

• 1:48:38Speaker 03

  So the guy's name's Henry Winkler?

• 1:48:41Duncan Trussell?

  Hosted by Henry, Strong Kids, Safe Kids. Hosted by Henry Winkler.

• 1:48:45Kurt Metzger?

  Was that, okay, look up Henry Winkler, uh, Strong Kid.

• 1:48:48Duncan Trussell?

  Or just look up-

• 1:48:49Speaker 03

  Everybody knows the other guy.

• 1:48:50Duncan Trussell?

  Look up Cast, Strong Kids, Safe Kids.

• 1:48:52Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you fucking-

• 1:48:54Speaker 03

  That's not the Fonz, that's a different-

• 1:48:56Kurt Metzger?

  Fonz is, wait, no.

• 1:48:57Duncan Trussell?

  Let's find Joe DeRosa's dad right now.

• 1:48:59Kurt Metzger?

  No, but that's not, it's gotta be a different Winkler.

• 1:49:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, this guy was guest starring, he wasn't-

• 1:49:05Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know where that guy came from, it's like, I just got done dropping my, my baby boy off to strangers and now I wanna teach kids about their penis. I don't know how to break it to Joe that I found his dad and this is what he does.

• 1:49:17Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 1:49:18Kurt Metzger?

  Teach the children.

• 1:49:18Duncan Trussell?

  Do it on the podcast, it's the best way.

• 1:49:21Kurt Metzger?

  DeRosa, look. Uh-

• 1:49:26Kurt Metzger?

  Was it host by Henry Winkler?

• 1:49:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's, he, these are just segments, right? He probably, he introduced them.

• 1:49:34Kurt Metzger?

  What we need is a list of credits of everybody in that film.

• 1:49:37Duncan Trussell?

  He was just showing it, IMDb.

• 1:49:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, go on the IMDb.

• 1:49:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:49:50Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:49:51Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it was the Fonz.

• 1:49:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, John Ritter.

• 1:49:55Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, who is the, then who was Joe DeRosa's dad?

• 1:49:57Duncan Trussell?

  We will have to look, you'll have to zoom in so we can see the pictures.

• 1:50:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, who is the, well, it should say guitar beside him, no?

• 1:50:02Duncan Trussell?

  Saul Gordon?

• 1:50:05Duncan Trussell?

  Google an image of Saul Gordon.

• 1:50:08Kurt Metzger?

  You think that's who it could be? It's not Saul Gordon.

• 1:50:11Speaker 03

  He didn't put his IMDb image up, which means this might have been a one-off for him. Never to be, never to be seen again.

• 1:50:17Duncan Trussell?

  It was him.

• 1:50:21Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, is that it?

• 1:50:22Duncan Trussell?

  That's Joe DeRosa's pop, right there, Saul Gordon.

• 1:50:25Kurt Metzger?

  That's a young Joe DeRosa's dad.

• 1:50:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, there he is.

• 1:50:27Kurt Metzger?

  That's DeRosa's dad, Saul Gordon.

• 1:50:31Kurt Metzger?

  We did it!

• 1:50:32Duncan Trussell?

  We did it! Mystery solved!

• 1:50:35Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Joe has never looked for his, uh...

• 1:50:37Duncan Trussell?

  Joe Gordon.

• 1:50:39Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, your real name's Gordon. He plunked some Egyptian broad.

• 1:50:43Duncan Trussell?

  Throughout his tenure, Dr. Gordon taught a very popular undergraduate course, Human Sexuality, in which up to 400 students, so he's a sex educator.

• 1:50:51Speaker 03

  And then he just did one guest spot on the Teaching About Dick Show.

• 1:50:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 1:50:57Speaker 03

  That was like a big cameo for them.

• 1:50:58Duncan Trussell?

  Huge!

• 1:50:59Speaker 03

  They've been asking him for years.

• 1:51:01Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, Joe DeRosa's, you heard it on the Mystery Boys, no one that I know of has bothered to look... Well, Joe used to have a joke about, they go, "You ever look up your, try to find your real parents?" He goes, "No, I took the hint when, like, they abandoned me."

• 1:51:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:51:15Kurt Metzger?

  But, so he might not be for this, but I've always been curious.

• 1:51:19Speaker 03

  You're solving, that is, you're solving mysteries that people don't want solved? It's most mysteries.

• 1:51:23Kurt Metzger?

  We're asking questions people don't want asked? And we're solving mysteries people don't want solved, such as, who is Joe DeRosa's real dad?

• 1:51:32Kurt Metzger?

  And I think we found him, his name is Saul Gordon.

• 1:51:35Speaker 03

  That's him.

• 1:51:35Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, guys! Dude, you know?

• 1:51:39Duncan Trussell?

  Same guy, this is...

• 1:51:42Duncan Trussell?

  That's amazing. Good job, man.

• 1:51:44Kurt Metzger?

  I know, I can't believe I found Joe.

• 1:51:45Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, cause a lot of people, they watch his show, they don't think they were actually solving mysteries, but that.

• 1:51:49Kurt Metzger?

  I believe Joey has a podcast at your mom's horse.

• 1:51:52Duncan Trussell?

  Here?

• 1:51:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 1:51:54Speaker 03

  Do you think that's the reason? That he came into the studio's life at the exact same time?

• 1:52:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:52:00Speaker 03

  That you started solving mysteries?

• 1:52:02Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe, like if some instinct that we would help him find his dad?

• 1:52:05Kurt Metzger?

  Who can know the mind of Einstein?

• 1:52:11Duncan Trussell?

  Who can know?

• 1:52:12Kurt Metzger?

  Who, who among us can know?

• 1:52:14Speaker 03

  Is he talking about child sex there, you think?

• 1:52:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it looks like it.

• 1:52:19Kurt Metzger?

  Penis, that's the dad of Joe, you know?

• 1:52:23Duncan Trussell?

  That's wild, man.

• 1:52:26Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? Look at the way the picture's getting.

• 1:52:29Kurt Metzger?

  If only he knew. The son that, he might have, maybe that Egyptian bitch just didn't tell him she was pregnant. But I bet he was married and was like, listen, I'm Saul Gordon, you're Egyptian.

• 1:52:41Duncan Trussell?

  You guys.

• 1:52:41Kurt Metzger?

  We had a great time at the pyramids, but this shit can't happen.

• 1:52:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, if people know that I'm outside of marriage, I'm gonna lose my cushy gig teaching kids about dicks.

• 1:52:48Duncan Trussell?

  What, have you heard about this new thing? What was it when, oh, there's a new Wayfair. Have you heard about this?

• 1:52:53Kurt Metzger?

  What about?

• 1:52:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's another Wayfair thing. Could you, could you guys look?

• 1:52:56Kurt Metzger?

  What is Wayfair? Where the furniture?

• 1:52:57Speaker 03

  Kids in the furniture?

• 1:52:58Duncan Trussell?

  Kids in the furniture, there's a new Wayfair.

• 1:53:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so Wayfair, by the way, the original Wayfair, nobody thought that kids were stored in the furniture. That was a thing the media said to discredit a very real thing, which is, nobody sells cabinets with kid names.

• 1:53:11Duncan Trussell?

  Look up new, there's like a new Wayfair thing where it's.

• 1:53:13Kurt Metzger?

  You know Weiner's laptop, by the way? The guy, Huma Abedin?

• 1:53:16Speaker 03

  Harry Weiner's laptop?

• 1:53:18Kurt Metzger?

  No, uh.

• 1:53:18Duncan Trussell?

  Henry Weiner.

• 1:53:19Speaker 03

  Or, uh, uh, uh, the guy, Anthony Weiner. He lives across the street from me. I'd see him all the time.

• 1:53:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, do you wanna hear a creepy?

• 1:53:24Speaker 03

  I just said his name, Ron.

• 1:53:25Kurt Metzger?

  You tell me if I'm being too cabala about this.

• 1:53:28Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:53:29Kurt Metzger?

  So the cops that got his laptop, this is a fact, this is the part that's not speculation. It was like nine cops saw it and they all committed suicide. And the way it's

• 1:53:38Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:53:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, the way it's kinda crazy thing to be true. Isn't it? It sounds, but, but look up-

• 1:53:45Speaker 03

  Tony Weiner's laptop.

• 1:53:47Duncan Trussell?

  Twelve people.

• 1:53:48Kurt Metzger?

  That's how big his cock is.

• 1:53:50Duncan Trussell?

  That's what it was.

• 1:53:51Speaker 03

  Well, then I'll just, well, then I guess I'll just kill myself.

• 1:53:53Duncan Trussell?

  Didn't believe it.

• 1:53:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it wasn't frazzled drip, it was frazzled dot rip.

• 1:53:57Duncan Trussell?

  By the way, Anthony Weiner just got in some new trouble.

• 1:54:00Kurt Metzger?

  They said, they go, the police was going, the police were going through a department-wide mental health issue. You know, because people-

• 1:54:07Speaker 03

  It's a coincidence. That department was having trouble other than the-

• 1:54:10Duncan Trussell?

  It's like the missing scientist.

• 1:54:12Kurt Metzger?

  I honestly don't fucking know because it could easily be you killed yourself because you saw the worst thing you've ever seen in your life.

• 1:54:18Duncan Trussell?

  Could be.

• 1:54:18Kurt Metzger?

  Or someone killed you.

• 1:54:19Duncan Trussell?

  Or somebody killed you.

• 1:54:20Kurt Metzger?

  How come in January 6th, because we talk about that deadly day, so one civilian was killed by a cop. And then three cops killed, the other people that died were like old men on Adderall overdoses.

• 1:54:31Duncan Trussell?

  Heart attacks.

• 1:54:33Kurt Metzger?

  And then three cops took their own lives. No cops were like beat up or beaten, that's all nonsense. Which people still tell you that to this day that that happened, but didn't. But why did the cops take their own lives after, yo, why would a cop take their life after January 6th of all thing? They don't take their life after shooting some black kid that didn't have a gun. Why would they take their, I'm so ashamed that people took a guided tour of the White House. I have to, that-

• 1:55:01Speaker 03

  Not in my hand, yeah.

• 1:55:02Kurt Metzger?

  Why would they have taken their own lives? That doesn't make any sense. I do know the one bitch got promoted into Nancy Pelosi's, she got much cushier job after. And then the January 6th bomber, that autistic black kid they stitched up. Uh, that was a woman from the FBI who was putting those bombs and she got promoted to the CIA. I forget her dumb name, but uh, somebody at the Blaze, they did that, that walking, so you know facial recognition's bad? The thing with your gait is actually like really good. But it got swept under the rug, nobody give a shit. Uh, they got some, you never hear like a BLM person, which still exists somehow. You, they never bring up that there's some innocent black kid that they said was a January 6th bomber.

• 1:55:49Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, everybody just moves on. You gotta, trauma?

• 1:55:53Duncan Trussell?

  Move on.

• 1:55:53Kurt Metzger?

  Forget, trauma. So, I liken it to nine eleven. What was before nine eleven? Y2K. So if you know a jump scare movie, remember Y2K?

• 1:56:02Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah, everyone's freaky.

• 1:56:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I gotta get water for what?

• 1:56:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I feel like an idiot. Nothing happened. But nine eleven.

• 1:56:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:09Kurt Metzger?

  Like, they wrote it like a fucking movie.

• 1:56:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:12Speaker 03

  That's so funny.

• 1:56:13Kurt Metzger?

  And it fucking works.

• 1:56:15Duncan Trussell?

  Can you guys pull up Anthony Weiner getting yelled at by, uh, trans people? Did you see that?

• 1:56:20Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:56:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, Anthony Weiner, I think he passed a lot of like laws.

• 1:56:24Speaker 03

  No, no, it was, you're talking about recently?

• 1:56:26Kurt Metzger?

  That's a different guy.

• 1:56:27Duncan Trussell?

  It's a different Anthony Weiner.

• 1:56:29Kurt Metzger?

  No, Scott, I think it's Scott Weiner.

• 1:56:31Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, there's two Weiners? I thought that was Anthony Weiner. What the fuck?

• 1:56:36Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's pronounced Weiner.

• 1:56:38Duncan Trussell?

  How many We-

• 1:56:39Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Scott Weiner. So he's the one, no, E-I, E after I is Weiner.

• 1:56:43Duncan Trussell?

  The Weiner family is a political family.

• 1:56:44Speaker 03

  Fifty-six, by the way, this guy.

• 1:56:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I didn't know. I thought that was Anthony.

• 1:56:48Kurt Metzger?

  So this is the guy that decriminalized knowingly giving someone AIDS.

• 1:56:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:56:52Duncan Trussell?

  And, and they-

• 1:56:53Kurt Metzger?

  Kind of an odd, kind of an odd cause.

• 1:56:56Speaker 03

  When, it is, you were the guy when there were, does anyone else have any more laws? He goes, I mean, while we're talking about it, I was thinking-

• 1:57:03Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, it could happen to anybody. They accidentally intentionally give you AIDS. ... candidate Scott Weiner, after protesters loudly criticized him at the trans march in the city on Friday.

• 1:57:12Duncan Trussell?

  You've been terrible on Gaza. You do not belong here.

• 1:57:16Kurt Metzger?

  Well, he's been great on decriminalizing knowingly giving AIDS.

• 1:57:19Duncan Trussell?

  No, that's the thing. He passed a lot of like-

• 1:57:21Kurt Metzger?

  Nothing's good enough for these people. I made it so you can knowingly kill someone with your fucking blood disease.

• 1:57:26Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:57:27Kurt Metzger?

  You're gonna yell at me about Gaza?

• 1:57:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:29Kurt Metzger?

  I just said you could genocide people with your cock and you're gonna yell at me about a genocide in Gaza?

• 1:57:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:34Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I hate to say it, but I'm on Scott Weiner's side on this one. The guy was going along, wow.

• 1:57:41Duncan Trussell?

  And he was go, you know, he's going to the park to show up for them.

• 1:57:44Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, the trans march was not over Gaza. He was harassed over Gaza at a trans march.

• 1:57:48Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 1:57:49Kurt Metzger?

  Cause that's a weird trans march. I would say maybe stay out of this one.

• 1:57:54Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know how you're helping.

• 1:57:55Speaker 03

  Is this their guy? Yeah.

• 1:57:57Duncan Trussell?

  Come on, man.

• 1:58:00Kurt Metzger?

  That's, uh, that's Tanner's friend Buster.

• 1:58:04Speaker 03

  What's he been eating?

• 1:58:05Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it doesn't really make sense because, um, he comes back from a bathroom trip to take a poop with us and he had lipstick smeared, but he wasn't wearing lipstick.

• 1:58:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, we really aren't worried about things making sense on this fucking show, asshole.

• 1:58:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah Buster's got a real mouth on you know these zoomers are like

• 1:58:23Kurt Metzger?

  they're all queer first of all

• 1:58:27Kurt Metzger?

  is one of Tanner's friends from school yeah Buster spent some time in the mystery box you know what he looks like your son as the FLDS leader it looks like one of your Mormon sons

• 1:58:37Duncan Trussell?

  yeah great

• 1:58:38Kurt Metzger?

  we found Joe DeRose's dad I mean what other mysteries

• 1:58:42Duncan Trussell?

  so we get the fuck out of here

• 1:58:45Kurt Metzger?

  Ryan would you like to try to

• 1:58:48Duncan Trussell?

  wipe this shit off my mouth

• 1:58:51Kurt Metzger?

  would you like to try to pick up a Buster shows a little of mystery action look who just made friends

• 1:59:01Speaker 03

  I'd like to put some mascara on him then make him cry

• 1:59:05Duncan Trussell?

  we die we die for spring what do you want to make me cry why why is everyone so cruel to me here and why the mystery boys

• 1:59:13Speaker 03

  I just want to know that you've been punished and I'd like the people to know that

• 1:59:17Duncan Trussell?

  why do you want to know that what is this fucking bullshit Babylonian shit

• 1:59:22Speaker 03

  well if people know then you won't do it again

• 1:59:26Duncan Trussell?

  I'll tell you one thing people know this is a CIA fucking front

• 1:59:29Kurt Metzger?

  Buster where'd you learn that word Buster do you want to be president or not

• 1:59:33Duncan Trussell?

  you know where the money's coming from

• 1:59:34Kurt Metzger?

  do you want to be president or do you want to go in the box

• 1:59:38Duncan Trussell?

  I want to be president I do oh my god

• 1:59:40Kurt Metzger?

  alright well stop talking crazy

• 1:59:41Duncan Trussell?

  I'll take the vows

• 1:59:43Kurt Metzger?

  you're talking crazy

• 1:59:45Duncan Trussell?

  do whatever you want whatever you want I'll touch the wall I'll kiss the wall I want to be president

• 1:59:50Kurt Metzger?

  now that's what a winner says

• 1:59:52Duncan Trussell?

  I'm a winner I'm a winner

• 1:59:54Kurt Metzger?

  that's right what are you gonna do when you see that wall

• 1:59:56Duncan Trussell?

  I'm gonna kiss it I went to I'm gonna touch it I'm gonna put my hand on it everything I know everything in the wall

• 2:00:01Kurt Metzger?

  you're gonna build a third temple

• 2:00:03Duncan Trussell?

  don't put me back in the box please don't put me back in the box

• 2:00:05Kurt Metzger?

  alright go in the box

• 2:00:07Duncan Trussell?

  no no please please please don't do that

• 2:00:10Kurt Metzger?

  alright Buster into the box

• 2:00:12Duncan Trussell?

  please don't

• 2:00:13Kurt Metzger?

  it's okay

• 2:00:14Duncan Trussell?

  this episode sucked

• 2:00:15Kurt Metzger?

  just cool off

• 2:00:16Duncan Trussell?

  I listened to the whole thing it fucking sucked

• 2:00:18Kurt Metzger?

  okay alright buddy

• 2:00:20Duncan Trussell?

  get the fuck in there

• 2:00:21Kurt Metzger?

  get his fucking ass in that fucking box

• 2:00:24Duncan Trussell?

  fuck you fuck you oh my god

• 2:00:26Kurt Metzger?

  cut the cameras

• 2:00:27Duncan Trussell?

  piece of shit cut that part out

• 2:00:31Duncan Trussell?

  Cut that out.

• 2:00:31Kurt Metzger?

  All right, well, we're great. We found Joe DeRosa's dad. I mean, I don't, I feel like-

• 2:00:38Duncan Trussell?

  What else do you want? What else do you fucking want?

• 2:00:40Speaker 03

  Sorry about the mystery mishap with the outfit.

• 2:00:43Duncan Trussell?

  No, man, it's fine, dude. It's, it's all a mystery.

• 2:00:46Kurt Metzger?

  You know, some shows, they go, please don't contact these people. I say, contact them.

• 2:00:49Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. For sure.

• 2:00:52Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know your son, Joe DeRosa, is a sandwich kingpin?

• 2:00:54Duncan Trussell?

  Make the connection happen, guys.

• 2:00:56Kurt Metzger?

  You know Joey Roses is your son? He might be eating a sandwich at a Joey Roses location right now.

• 2:01:01Speaker 03

  He doesn't even know he's a fan.

• 2:01:02Kurt Metzger?

  He doesn't even know his own boy made the sandwich. This is all part of the plan in Kabbalah.

• 2:01:08Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean?

• 2:01:09Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, it's-

• 2:01:09Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what do you mean? You can't say that at the end of the show.

• 2:01:11Kurt Metzger?

  You have to be 40. I can't tell you about it until you have a family.

• 2:01:15Duncan Trussell?

  I have a family. I'm over 40. Fucking tell me.

• 2:01:18Kurt Metzger?

  Over 40.

• 2:01:19Duncan Trussell?

  I'm over 40.

• 2:01:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, we planned the whole thing. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

• 2:01:26Duncan Trussell?

  Well, thanks for tuning in.

• 2:01:27Kurt Metzger?

  The new Atlantis.

• 2:01:28Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks for being on the show, man.

• 2:01:29Kurt Metzger?

  The star of Epstein.

• 2:01:31Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me, mystery boys.

• 2:01:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Oh, look at that. Madonna. Now, that, that's a real piece of Kabbalah work right there.

• 2:01:41Duncan Trussell?

  Beautiful lady.

• 2:01:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God, now that this, now that the shot settled down in her face, gorgeous.

• 2:01:48Duncan Trussell?

  I know somebody who smelled her hands.

• 2:01:52Duncan Trussell?

  I do.

• 2:01:53Speaker 03

  Do you mind if I smell their hands?

• 2:01:55Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God. They smelled her hands? What'd they smell like?

• 2:01:59Duncan Trussell?

  They said they smelled horrible.

• 2:02:01Kurt Metzger?

  They smelled like A-Rod's dick?

• 2:02:03Speaker 03

  Smelled like a rapper.

• 2:02:04Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's what's his name from Grease?

• 2:02:09Duncan Trussell?

  What's that dude? What's the Grease cast? Not, it's the bad guy in Grease? I'll tell you, this is another mystery, boys. The time I ordered, like, that guy, like, recruited me and some other people to write a script. This guy, that guy. What's his name? God rest his soul.

• 2:02:23Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, this dude recruited you to write a script?

• 2:02:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's a different, it's a different episode. I'll tell the whole story.

• 2:02:28Kurt Metzger?

  Kinnicky recruited you?

• 2:02:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, to write a script. Yeah. But he said he, I just remember, like, he, like, I'm a brand-new comic, I, I, I'm not even a comic. I'm in L.A. You know, you get, you get, you know, pulled into these strange situations. And, uh, yeah, I remember, just, he sort of offhand, he mentioned, like, yeah, I, uh, I met Madonna, smelled her hands, they smelled like shit.

• 2:02:55Kurt Metzger?

  They smelled like shit.

• 2:02:56Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, he said Madonna's hands smelled bad.

• 2:02:59Speaker 03

  How'd he get smelling them? How'd you get in that position?

• 2:03:03Duncan Trussell?

  You know, it's like you're in a blur. You're at Koenicki's fucking mansion. He's talking about Madonna's hands. You were just in North Carolina.

• 2:03:09Kurt Metzger?

  You probably had a classical Cabala smell my hands party. That's why you wear the gloves to save up the smell.

• 2:03:15Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's what the gloves are.

• 2:03:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:18Duncan Trussell?

  Like socks, like the socks I order on Etsy.

• 2:03:21Kurt Metzger?

  That's exactly what it is. And that ties into witchcraft mystery from earlier, so. See?

• 2:03:26Duncan Trussell?

  We did it.

• 2:03:27Kurt Metzger?

  It wasn't a waste of time.

• 2:03:27Duncan Trussell?

  Everything was connected. Everything is joined. What was half has been made whole, right?

• 2:03:33Kurt Metzger?

  It was a real cocoon.

• 2:03:34Speaker 03

  Spend months breaking into Madonna's house only to get that one whiff that wasn't up to your standards.

• 2:03:39Duncan Trussell?

  Stinky hands, guys.

• 2:03:43Kurt Metzger?

  All right, are we done?

• 2:03:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, what's happening?

• 2:03:49Duncan Trussell?

  We're done.