Encore: Michelle Mone | From Baroness Bra to Baroness Bitcoin | 2

Michelle throws herself into politics. The Scottish Independence referendum is on the horizon and Michelle becomes a key figure in David Cameron’s ‘Better Together’ campaign and is handed the key to the House of Lords. Just after 'Baroness More of Mayfair' moves in with her new boyfriend Doug, Covid hits the nation. When she hears that the NHS is facing a shortage of PPE, Michelle has an idea. Do you have a suggestion for a scandal you would like us to cover? Or perhaps you have a question you would like to ask our hosts? Email us at [email protected] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alice Levine?

  Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of British Scandal ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app.

• 0:12Matt Forde?

  Hi, Alice.

• 0:13Alice Levine?

  Hey, I'm really glad I've caught you before we start. So, this is so exciting. I've got this business opportunity and, I mean, you're a really smart guy, probably one of the smartest guys I know. You understand business and I just figured you'd want this chance.

• 0:31Matt Forde?

  Yeah, I mean, I watched a documentary about Richard Branson the other night.

• 0:34Alice Levine?

  Exactly, exactly, and I see that in you. So this is just such a unique product. It's, it's sort of, I guess, like a serum, a kind of oil-based, I guess, an oil, yeah, oil-based serum.

• 0:47Matt Forde?

  What's it used for? What would it do for me?

• 0:48Alice Levine?

  Oh, my God, this is the best bit. It's kind of got endless applications. Good on chips, you've got a bad back, like, rub it on your back, it's so good for your skin. Do you have a car, like, you put it on the car, in the car, on the car, everything.

• 1:04Matt Forde?

  It sounds amazing. I'm in. You don't need to tell me anymore. And I'm happy to invest. I trust you implicitly because you're my best friend. And if you're putting your money in, I'm happy to put my money in.

• 1:15Alice Levine?

  Great, amazing. I haven't quite decided whether I'm putting money in, but just, just six grand if you want to just...

• 1:25Matt Forde?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm sure you have your reasons and I, again, trust you totally.

• 1:29Alice Levine?

  And actually, just one more thing, probably don't put it on your skin.

• 1:36Matt Forde?

  September 2018, Financial Times, London. Jemima Kelly steps out into the fog-laden night. Glances at the Thames' inky waters. Wraps her coat around her. Makes her way along the footpath. It's been a long, tiring day and she can't wait to relax with her friend at the cinema. Jemima's been working on an article on Equi, Lady Mon's new cryptocurrency. Jemima's been talking to Equi's partners. They haven't been paid the money they were promised and they're not happy. She's just about to walk up the dank graffiti-covered stairwell, when a message pings on her phone.

• 2:21Matt Forde?

  It's from Equi's headquarters. Her eyes widen as she flicks through it. What is your issue with Equi? If you don't reply to us, we will contact your FT editor and show him everything. You have legal responsibilities. She'd only emailed Equi to ask for a response. Another message pings through. We are watching your every move.

• 2:45Matt Forde?

  She glances around, her breath catches in her throat as a shadow flashes behind her. She darts up the stairwell to Southwark Bridge, looks over her shoulder, quickens her pace, her breath ragged, until she tells herself to stop being paranoid.

• 3:07Matt Forde?

  An hour later, she settles down in the cinema. She's just about to switch off her phone,

• 3:13Matt Forde?

  when two more messages ping through. The first is an email from Lady Mon's lawyer. Very urgent. Our client does not wish to be approached directly by you or any of your colleagues any further. From now on, contact me. Shh, turn your phone off!

• 3:31Alice Levine?

  That was so convincing that I feel like you are a shusher.

• 3:34Matt Forde?

  I have, I guess, an escalating scale. I'll initially go, "Ah!"

• 3:39Alice Levine?

  And then where do you go?

• 3:40Matt Forde?

  "Ah, why have they got their phone on like that? Like I'm saying it's someone else even if I'm on my own."

• 3:45Alice Levine?

  Oh god!

• 3:46Matt Forde?

  Makes it sound like there's more of me.

• 3:47Alice Levine?

  More of you! Are they gonna turn around and be like, "Oh no, there's an army"?

• 3:51Matt Forde?

  I think in the end I'm making more noise than the people. I'm trying to be quiet.

• 3:56Alice Levine?

  Can I recommend, seething throughout the film, ruining it for yourself and whoever you're with, and also ruining the rest of the evening?

• 4:04Matt Forde?

  But you never would be audible about it.

• 4:05Alice Levine?

  Oh no, no. I'll just poison myself from the inside.

• 4:11Matt Forde?

  She stares at the second message. It's from her editor, asking her to ring him urgently. She feels her heart thud in her ribs. She's still new at the FT. The last thing she wants is to get on the wrong side of him. She feels sick. She shoves her popcorn at her friend, heads out into the foyer, listens to his voice message.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Lady Moan's legal team have just been on to me.

• 4:36Matt Forde?

  Her mouth dries. She tries to call back, but it rings through. She stares again at the message and starts to worry that she is perhaps out of her depth. Because if the Baroness is coming at her this hard after just a casual inquiry, Jemima can't help but wonder, what is it that Michelle Moan is so desperate to hide?

• 4:59Speaker 03

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• 5:42Speaker 03

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• 5:47Speaker 04

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• 6:19Matt Forde?

  From Wondery, I'm Matt Ford.

• 6:22Alice Levine?

  And I'm Alice Levine.

• 6:23Matt Forde?

  And this is British Scandal.

• 6:37Matt Forde?

  So Alice, Michelle Moan, what do you think so far?

• 6:41Alice Levine?

  Honestly, I never thought in a million years I'd be saying this, but in her early story, her early years, she is very, very impressive. Dare I say girl power? No, actually, I take it back, I feel sick. She comes from nothing and she sticks it to the old boys' club, which we know from British Scandal series gone by is no mean feat. She has this run-in with her husband as well, which turns really nasty and she overcomes that. It's just not a side of Michelle Moan that I expected to see or to admire.

• 7:15Matt Forde?

  Okay, but do you think there are signs in there, though, of what might be to come?

• 7:20Alice Levine?

  Oh god, yes, Matt, yes, I am seeing many red flags. I mean, it's undeniable that she is ruthless. When she's building her business and trying to get it to the top, she casts her friendships aside in order to progress all things entrepreneurial. I'm kind of thinking of the Rachel Penny switcheroo that she does. She's single-minded in her pursuit of success and she loves power. As you now come to think about it, she is a sort of full house, a perfect set of character traits for a British Scandal character.

• 7:54Matt Forde?

  More red flags than a British beach on a windy day. This is episode two, from Baroness Bra to Baroness Bitcoin.

• 8:07Matt Forde?

  2014, 10 Downing Street, London.

• 8:12Matt Forde?

  Michelle grips her wine glass, blinks around at the reception room with its marble pillars and gilt frame portraits, and tries hard to push down her nerves. She's been invited to a reception by the Prime Minister David Cameron to give her views on Scottish independence. A referendum on the question is just months away and the polls are tightening. She gazes at the group of businessmen chatting happily, networking with each other. The last few years have been tough. She finally managed to get control of Ultima from her ex-Michael. It was a bitter battle and by the time she got it back, the company was flailing. Last year, it had to be rescued by a Sri Lankan clothing manufacturer.

• 8:58Matt Forde?

  You may remember Michael in the last episode having a controlling stake. The short version of this story is, Michelle now controls both of those breasts in the office.

• 9:08Alice Levine?

  Oh, thank goodness. And what's his relationship like with Rod Stewart, which is the thing we all want to know.

• 9:12Matt Forde?

  He can go play with his toy trains, Michelle's in charge of the business.

• 9:15Alice Levine?

  I think that's a good division of labour.

• 9:16Matt Forde?

  Glancing around the room, she spots the chairman of HSBC and the CEO of a global asset management firm. She used to feel so confident walking in anywhere, but all this stuff about Michael and Ultimo has left her shaken. She fiddles with her champagne flute, then tells herself, pull it together. She flicks back her long hair, adjusts the straps of her tight-fitting bodycon dress, and pushes her way forward to join the nearest group. In my opinion, we don't need any more barriers to trade. If Scotland votes to leave the UK, prices could end up all over the police.

• 10:00Matt Forde?

  She watches the men glance at each other, raise their eyebrows. A dumpy man looks at her with a sly grin.

• 10:06Alice Levine?

  I hate dumpy men with sly grins, they're the worst.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  I'll help you out, Michelle, if you'll lounge your ears all over the police.

• 10:15Matt Forde?

  She feels her cheeks burn with humiliation as they all snigger into their drinks. She's just about to rip into him, when David Cameron calls the room to silence. Hello, everyone. We stand today on the brink. If Scotland votes to leave, the United Kingdom as we know it will cease to exist. So, please, give us your views on our Better Together campaign. How can we win this referendum? Michelle shifts in her Louboutins, as the men around her tell Cameron how brilliant his Better Together campaign is, how Scotland is on course to stay in the UK.

• 10:55Matt Forde?

  She stares into her wine glass, then looks up in horror at the sound of her name. And what do you think, Miss Moan? She bristles at the use of muss. She's still not used to it. Ignores a smirk from a man to her left. Michelle pulls herself up to her full height. She knows she has to make this count. She looks directly into Cameron's eyes. You know what your problem is, David? You don't know how to talk to wee Mary from Govan. She thinks you're just some posh bloke from London.

• 11:32Matt Forde?

  She watches his narrow eyes as the room falls silent. She blinks around at the sea of faces.

• 11:39Matt Forde?

  But as she turns her attention back to Cameron, she can see that she's hit her mark. Cameron wouldn't have called this meeting if the campaign was going well. You need to go up there, talk to people, because right now, your campaign is rubbish. If you carry on like this, you're gonna lose this referendum.

• 12:00Alice Levine?

  I love that she said this.

• 12:02Matt Forde?

  Word for word, truth to power. I'm not sure I'd dare. Yeah, it's all going fine, yeah.

• 12:08Alice Levine?

  Oh, yeah, in broad strokes, great.

• 12:11Matt Forde?

  Sorry, there's little honey mustard sausages, they coming round again?

• 12:17Matt Forde?

  She hopes she hasn't overstepped. She watches as Cameron's mouth opens, then closes as he stares at her. She can see that he knows she's right. Would you be willing to help us with our campaign, Michelle? She feels her blood pound in her ears. Me? She shuffles from foot to foot as she takes in the envious looks around her. She's never been into politics, especially not Tory politics. She's always voted Labour, for God's sake. But she can almost taste the power as the room's eyes fix on her. She grins. I'd, I'd, I'd love to.

• 13:00Alice Levine?

  Oh my God.

• 13:01Matt Forde?

  What a moment.

• 13:02Alice Levine?

  What a monument.

• 13:04Matt Forde?

  Oh, lovely. We've gotta get that going on social media.

• 13:08Matt Forde?

  She gazes around at the faces of these big shop businessmen as she sips her wine. She's going to throw herself into this campaign, prove her worth to Cameron, use her PR skills, network like mad. She's lost her way these past few months, her marriage, Ultimo, were her everything. But this is her chance to start afresh, to forge a new path and build a power base of her own.

• 13:42Matt Forde?

  A few weeks later, Edinburgh. Michelle bounds up the makeshift steps to Sky News's temporary studio. She takes in the expectant faces, technicians racing around with wires, lights being adjusted. She takes a last swig of coffee to calm her nerves. Michelle has been zigzagging across the country from one event to the other, giving interviews, urging Scotland to stay in the UK. She knows this is her one chance to make her mark in the political arena. This debate is going out live on national television. Polls open tomorrow and right now, it's too close to call. She looks down as her phone pings, it's a message from David Cameron.

• 14:28Matt Forde?

  Good luck, Michelle, we'll be watching.

• 14:31Alice Levine?

  Again, sinister, can everybody stop telling everybody that they're watching them?

• 14:36Matt Forde?

  Michelle takes a breath, focuses her attention. She needs to be razor sharp.

• 14:45Matt Forde?

  She's about to switch off her phone when it rings, it's her daughter.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Are we still going shopping at the weekend, Mum?

• 14:53Matt Forde?

  Michelle's heart races at the sound of her ex-husband's voice in the background. She hears a woman giggling. Who you with? Her daughter's voice lowers to a whisper.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Dad and Sam.

• 15:05Alice Levine?

  Sam, of course, her former employee.

• 15:07Matt Forde?

  Yes, exactly the image you want in your mind at a moment like this. Michelle's bottom lip trembles. She doesn't want to be thinking of Michael right now, it's her past that she's trying to shake off. She snaps. I'll ring you at eight.

• 15:24Matt Forde?

  She feels light-headed as she walks onto the stage. Trembling, she stands behind the lectern, but as the TV cameras zoom toward her, panic starts to grip her.

• 15:36Matt Forde?

  Her mind goes blank as her opponent, a pro-independence businesswoman, lists all the reasons Scotland should leave the UK. Michelle's heart thumps as the presenter turns to her. She pictures Cameron sitting in Downing Street, his eyes fixed to the screen as the cameras turn and focus on her face. She brushes her forehead, hears herself mutter: "I love Scotland with a passion, and I know independence will harm business." She closes her eyes as a trickle of applause ripples across the audience.

• 16:10Matt Forde?

  She blinks out at them, all she can hear are coughs and shuffles. She runs through her own arguments, arguments she's been over and over with Cameron's political advisers.

• 16:22Alice Levine?

  Pork markets, oh no, that's not for this.

• 16:25Matt Forde?

  She steps forward, then pauses. She grew up in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in Glasgow. She had nothing. No bath, no shower, no qualifications. It's people like her that she needs to appeal to, everyday voters. She glances at her advisers hovering behind the cameras, decides to cast their policies aside. Instead, speak from the heart. "Independence may promise change, but at what cost? Is it worth risking the stability and security we've built together? Is it worth turning our backs on the partnerships and alliances

• 17:10Matt Forde?

  that have served us well for so long?" A hush has fallen over the audience. "Think about the opportunities we have as part of the UK. Opportunities to pool our resources, to share our expertise, to tackle challenges together." She continues. "Look, the polls open in the morning. We don't even know what currency we're gonna have yet." Her eyes fill with tears. For the sake of our children's futures, please, please, vote for Scotland to stay in the UK. It's where we belong. It's where we can thrive.

• 17:57Alice Levine?

  Can I just say, she's a very complex character, and I don't doubt we will come to some very problematic moments possibly in future episodes than this one. But this is amazing. She has gone from starting her own business, building it up to be a huge success. She nearly lost it, she clawed it back, and now she's using her really impressive sales skills in a completely new sector. Like, this just isn't her world, but she's going for it.

• 18:25Matt Forde?

  That's right, and it's not just any old sector. This is about keeping the United Kingdom together. This is a matter of national geopolitical importance, and a working-class woman from Govan now finds herself as one of the major players in this debate.

• 18:41Matt Forde?

  The next night, Michelle sits in front of a TV at the Better Together HQ as the results come in. She tries hard not to chew her manicured nails, as First Dundee, then Glasgow, vote to leave. She puts her head in her hands. She looks up at the screen as Edinburgh votes to stay, then watches breathless as area after area votes the same way.

• 19:06Matt Forde?

  A few hours later, the room around her erupts as the result is finally called.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  Scotland has voted against becoming an independent country by 55% to 45%.

• 19:19Matt Forde?

  You did it, Michelle! She looks up at the MPs and civil servants eager to congratulate her, their eyes shining with admiration. Someone shoves a mobile phone at her. She hears David Cameron's delighted voice.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Well done, Michelle. We couldn't have done this without you. It won't be forgotten.

• 19:39Matt Forde?

  She grins, exhausted and exhilarated. She's done it. She's a political force to be reckoned with, and she's going to do everything to make it work for her.

• 20:00Matt Forde?

  August 2015. Prime Minister's Questions, House of Commons. David Cameron feels his cheeks flush as Jeremy Corbyn jabs a finger at him. Given that the Prime Minister promised a ministry of all the talents, why does he still have a mostly male front bench? Where are his talented women? Cameron jumps to his feet, grips the side of the dispatch box. Mr Speaker, I'm actively working to change this situation. Cameron's face reddens as he sits back down, clenches his fist as he stares across the chamber. He's just been re-elected as PM with a clear majority.

• 20:45Matt Forde?

  He's finally free to push through his policies, but all anyone keeps talking about is the lack of women in his cabinet.

• 20:52Alice Levine?

  Oh my god, when will they shut up?

• 20:57Matt Forde?

  The broadsheets call it his women problem. Even his wife Samantha is having a go. An hour later, he stands in his office in Downing Street, barks out names for his honours list as his aide writes them on a whiteboard. William Hague, Douglas Hogg, David Willetts. His hand touches his forehead as he stares at the names. Christ, have we not got any bloody women on the list? The press will crucify him. He sinks down into his chair, kicks the bin in frustration. He watches as a crumpled Better Together leaflet falls out onto the carpet.

• 21:37Matt Forde?

  He picks it up and is about to throw it across the room when an idea starts to form. He jumps to his feet, snatches the marker pen, scrawls 'Michelle Moan' across the whiteboard in capital letters.

• 21:51Alice Levine?

  Maybe Michelle Moan knows some good man.

• 21:57Matt Forde?

  Two days later, he's being driven to the airport when he gets a call from David Mundell, the Scotland Secretary. He pastes on a smile. David, how are you? But Mundell cuts in.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Prime Minister, I must express in the strongest terms possible that senior business figures in Scotland are unhappy about making Michelle Moan appear. They don't see her as a substantial businesswoman.

• 22:23Alice Levine?

  Bit of coded language going on there, isn't there? A substantial businesswoman.

• 22:27Matt Forde?

  Cameron puts on a soothing voice. David, really? But Mundell cuts in.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Prime Minister, this could severely damage your reputation.

• 22:38Matt Forde?

  Cameron frowns at his phone, then raises an eyebrow at an email that's just come in from Douglas Anderson, the managing director of a plant hire firm. Miss Moan is not a successful entrepreneur. She is a small-time businesswoman with a PR exposure far in excess of any actual success. Cameron rubs his temples, reads on. "Awarding her appearance for a very mediocre business performance brings the awarding of titles into disrepute by rewarding failure." Cameron switches off his phone, rubs his forehead. He's sick of these stuffy establishment types telling him what to do.

• 23:20Alice Levine?

  And that's coming from David Cameron.

• 23:23Matt Forde?

  Eaton, Oxbridge, David Cameron, sick of the establishment. Welcome to British politics. But then his aide leans forward. What? His aide lengthens his neck and his collar. I thought in light of... Yeah, I just thought you should know. Cameron frowns as his aide shoves his phone towards him. He stares at the mail online. According to this, Miss Moan cut the bottom of her husband's boxer shorts, severely damaged his portion, fed him laxatives. Are you sure she has the standing required for the House of Lords? Cameron rolls his eyes. Michelle Moan is exactly what the House of Lords needs.

• 24:09Matt Forde?

  She'll shake things up, get them all on their toes, and help him solve his women problem once and for all.

• 24:20Matt Forde?

  March 2016, House of Lords corridor. Michelle dashes past a group of stooped elderly men, runs into the toilets. She's due to give her maiden speech in the chamber in a few minutes, but her nerves have gripped her.

• 24:39Matt Forde?

  She steps out of the cubicle, wipes her mouth, looks at her pale face in the mirror. She's just about to dust some bronzer on her cleavage when she remembers the memo to dress in appropriate and respectful attire.

• 24:53Alice Levine?

  I think bronzer on the cleavage is respectful and appropriate.

• 24:57Matt Forde?

  She puts the compact away, buttons up her black blouse. She takes a deep breath to steady her nerves when her eyes fall on the pile of newspapers on a small table. She stares at a grinning photo of herself in Ultimo underwear, under the caption "Baroness Bra".

• 25:16Alice Levine?

  It's not the best, it's not the worst, is it?

• 25:18Matt Forde?

  I'd go with "Bra-raness".

• 25:20Alice Levine?

  "Bra-raness" is lovely.

• 25:23Matt Forde?

  She grabs the paper, screws it up and bins it. She's sick of this. Why can't the press ever take her seriously? Even today, when she's about to give the biggest speech of her life, all they can do is mock her. She takes another breath to gather herself. She looks down at a good luck message on her phone and feels a shiver run down her spine. It's from her ex, Michael. Michelle fights a sudden urge to ring him, to hear his calm voice telling her she's got nothing to worry about. Instead, she clicks the phone off, checks herself over one more time,

• 26:08Matt Forde?

  then marches into the chamber.

• 26:12Matt Forde?

  A few minutes later, she stands in front of the plush red leather bench. Her mouth opens as she gazes around the lavish Gothic room with its carved panelled walls, at the ornate gold royal throne with its golden angels. She can hardly believe it's only two years since she first met David Cameron. And now, she's here.

• 26:38Alice Levine?

  That is, to be fair, quite mad. Not to sound like one of the hard done by men that sent those emails, but it's wild.

• 26:45Matt Forde?

  We often talk about democracy abroad and democracy in developing countries. We have an unelected head of state and an entirely unelected upper house. And yet, most people aren't actually that bothered about it.

• 26:59Matt Forde?

  She looks at the sea of elderly faces, all waiting for her to speak. She clears her throat, tries hard to steady her nerves as she reads her speech. My lords, it's a wee girl. I grew up in a tenement flat in the east end of Glasgow, with no bath or shower and only a cupboard for a bedroom. I wondered whether I would fit in here. She glances back at the elderly faces looking up at her, then down at her shaking hands. But I should not have worried. I look forward to playing a full and active role in your lordship's house. She clears her throat again.

• 27:41Matt Forde?

  I normally sing this at karaoke, but on the advice of our wonderful doorkeepers, I'll say it instead.

• 27:49Alice Levine?

  Oh my god, I thought that was going to be a rogue choice for a second.

• 27:52Matt Forde?

  She glances over at the stern-faced doorkeeper, then back at her Whitney Houston lyrics.

• 27:58Alice Levine?

  Are you serious?

• 28:00Matt Forde?

  I'm serious. I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. That's so weird, because sometimes I'll go to karaoke bars and just do political speeches.

• 28:16Matt Forde?

  And we love to hear it. She sits down, holds her breath, feels her toes curl anxiously in her Louboutins. The chamber, deathly silent. She turns as a peer leans to her, whispers, "Well done." She breathes a sigh of relief as she realises everyone is smiling at her. Someone pats her on her shoulder. She gazes up at the intricately carved ceiling, says a silent prayer of thanks, then settles into the plush leather upholstery and finally starts to feel at home. She's done it. She's Baroness Moan of Mayfair.

• 29:00Matt Forde?

  It's time to put her failed marriage behind her, her history with Ultima, embrace this exciting new life.

• 29:09Matt Forde?

  She's going to grab every opportunity it gives her, use every powerful contact, and push her new brand, Lady Moan of Mayfair, for all it's worth.

• 29:30Speaker 05

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• 30:01Speaker 06

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• 30:45Speaker 06

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• 31:07Matt Forde?

  A year later, the Bahamas. Michelle takes a cup of coffee from the steward, gazes out at the glittering sea, and adjusts her yoga mat. She's with her new boyfriend, Doug Barrowman, on his super yacht, The Turquoise. Sold. But she's not sure she wants to rush into another relationship. She's finally enjoying her independence. She isn't sure she wants a man in her life right now. Michelle watches him now, as he takes his umpteenth business call of the morning. He gives her an apologetic nod. Sorry darling. Doug's shadow casts itself across the deck.

• 31:50Matt Forde?

  She stands, steadies herself as she feels a rush of blood to her head. Doug's warm hands on her hips. She turns to find an anxious look etched across his face. Tough call babe. He glances out at the horizon. Actually, I was hoping we might talk about something else. Doug asked her to live with him a few weeks ago, and she told him she wasn't quite there yet. She cuts in. Listen, let's just wait. But he takes her face in his hands. Michelle, I think you're the most perfect woman I've ever met. You're sexy, smart, funny. She sees him gather his thoughts.

• 32:34Matt Forde?

  She's amazed that a man as successful as Doug can still get nervous. And you're a genius at PR.

• 32:41Alice Levine?

  This is so romantic.

• 32:43Matt Forde?

  She blinks at him. He's never really complimented her on her business acumen. She looks at him, curious. Michelle, I've just been chatting to investors now about launching an ICO. She wrinkles her forehead.

• 32:59Alice Levine?

  A what?

• 33:00Matt Forde?

  It's an initial coin offering, like Bitcoin, a new cryptocurrency. He takes her hands in his. Michelle, will you come into business with me?

• 33:15Alice Levine?

  Okay, right, sure. A funny way of going about it. Obviously, you made it seem like a proposal. It's quite a fun switcheroo. It's a no for me.

• 33:28Matt Forde?

  She feels her heart jump, her jaw slacken, her stomach flitters and jumps. She's never felt so, so valued, so seen. To her own surprise, she flings her arms around his neck.

• 33:42Alice Levine?

  Ah, well.

• 33:44Matt Forde?

  She reaches into the pocket of her yoga pants, takes out her lucky rock and kisses it. It's Doug's turn to be confused. She giggles. She's never shown her favorite rock to anyone other than Michael. I have to kiss it when something good happens. He takes it from her, then draws her close, whispers in her ear. I think you should get rid of your rock, because I'm your rock. I'm here to look after you, so let's throw it into the water together. Michelle hesitates. She turns the rock over in her hand, gives Doug another look.

• 34:22Alice Levine?

  Can I just say, I would be suspicious of anyone that you introduced to your lucky charm who said, "Oh, why don't we throw it into the sea?" It's like, just let people have their weird quirks. Like, this is weird, this is very odd, but just go with it.

• 34:36Matt Forde?

  You don't need your mother's ashes. Let's take them to the tip in the morning.

• 34:42Matt Forde?

  She heads to the side of the yacht, leans out over the railings, raises her hand, and together, they throw it into the calm sea. She realises she does love this man, his vision and his ambition. So she puts her arms around his neck, tells him how happy she is, then purrs into his ear. "Tell me everything I need to know about crypto."

• 35:17Matt Forde?

  October 2018, Mayfair. Michelle slams down her phone, slumps onto the sofa in Doug's office, and kicks the coffee table in frustration. She's spent the past few weeks working solidly to get a big name attached to Equi, hers and Doug's crypto platform. She's gone through practically every contact she has to find someone, but she's drawn a complete blank. She snatches up her phone now, hoping for good news. Feels her shoulders drop at the sight of another trolling message. A few months ago, she'd sent out a tweet. "I never thought I could go from being one of the best technical lingerie designers in the world, number one woman entrepreneur,

• 36:02Matt Forde?

  to being one of the biggest experts in cryptocurrency and blockchain. #Believe."

• 36:09Alice Levine?

  It's just such hubris, isn't it? It's such a bombastic claim. It's only been about a year or something that she's even been exploring and working in crypto. So to claim that you're one of the world's leaders in this space is just ludicrous, isn't it?

• 36:25Matt Forde?

  She's lost count of the gloating abusive messages she's had, especially since she and Doug haven't raised the $80 million they expected. A few days ago, she'd even had some journalists from the FT asking awkward questions about why Equi's partners haven't been paid.

• 36:42Alice Levine?

  Okay, so what's the structure here? I don't fully understand.

• 36:45Matt Forde?

  So these partners are known in the trade as bounty hunters. They're basically financial influencers who you pay to go on their social media and elsewhere saying "sign up to this currency", and they get shares in the currency and they get cash upfront. Michelle pushes her manicured fingernails through her hair. If this thing goes down the pan, her whole business reputation is on the line. She's just about to call an emergency meeting when one of her team rushes in. Steve Wozniak's people, they've returned our calls. Michelle snutches at the phone, straightens her back. Lady Mohn speaking. She listens breathlessly as a woman introduces herself as Mr. Wozniak's PA.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  Steve's very interested in Equi, he'd love to meet with you guys.

• 37:35Matt Forde?

  When Michelle puts the phone down, she's shaking. She runs to Doug, squeals with delight.

• 37:43Matt Forde?

  She met with Wozniak back in March, chatted with him at a crypto conference. She must have made an impression, he's a big catch. He's the co-founder of Apple, one away from Steve Jobs and a legend in the tech world. With him on board, they could really turn things around.

• 38:05Matt Forde?

  She jumps into the car with Doug, heads straight to the airport for a flight to California.

• 38:13Matt Forde?

  Several hours later, she stands next to the Woz himself, admiring his big shaggy beard. She gazes out at his adoring Silicon Valley fans as she poses for photos with him. She's hardly slept for the last 24 hours, but she's buzzing. She tells him how much she admires him.

• 38:34Alice Levine?

  It's a very Mrs. Merton moment of, what first attracted you to the multi-millionaire billionaire co-founder of Apple?

• 38:41Matt Forde?

  I just love shaggy beards. She starts giving him a pitch on why he should come on board. We see Equi as the ultimate venture capital disruptor. He waves a chubby hand. Course I wanna be part of this with you guys. Crypto is so pure thinking, let's get our people to draw something up. She grins, tugs down her cream jacket, wedges herself between him and Doug for another photo. When it's done, she grabs her mobile and tweets. Dreams do come true. He has been my business idol since I was a teenager. I'm delighted to announce that tech legend, co-founder of Apple, Steve Wozniak,

• 39:27Matt Forde?

  has become my business partner. She looks back at Wozniak chatting with Doug and beams. She's going to do everything she can to publicise this, get new investors, and prove to the world that she really is one of the biggest players in the crypto world. Because now, with the Was on board, everything's possible.

• 39:53Alice Levine?

  Wow, okay, you might just think that she is a newcomer chancer, but this is phenomenal work. It's actually unbelievable that she's convinced Wozniak to come on board. This man must have, across his desk, a constant stream of offers, opportunities, and he's gone with her.

• 40:12Matt Forde?

  Well, that's the thing, she is the great convincer. Whether it's Rachel Hunter, Penny Lancaster, David Cameron, or now, one of the biggest people in the history of Silicon Valley, she is obviously a compelling advocate.

• 40:25Matt Forde?

  A day later, Financial Times offices, London. Jemima Kelly rubs her tired eyes. She's just about to make a coffee, when her eyes fall on a new tweet by Lady Mon, announcing that her childhood hero, Steve Wozniak, is her new business partner. Jemima scans the photo of Lady Mon in a low-cut top and cream jacket, wedged between Doug Barrowman and Steve Wozniak, all three grinning like their old friends. She's puzzled. Not just that Wozniak's on board, but was he really Lady Mon's teenage idol?

• 41:06Matt Forde?

  She leans back in her chair, does a quick calculation. The Was left Apple in 1985. Lady Mon would have been 13. And hardly anyone, except tech nerds, knew about Apple in the 80s. She grabs Lady Mon's autobiography, My Fight to the Top, thumbs through for a mention of The Was, but all she finds are a few mentions of Richard Branson, and four of Sylvester Stallone. She looks back at her computer, decides to do some internet sleuthing, and finally arrives at Lady Mon's LinkedIn account. Scrolls down, clicks on a video made back in March at a conference in the UAE.

• 41:51Matt Forde?

  She peers at the screen closely. Lady Mon is flicking through the conference brochure and pointing at pictures of the different speakers. She turns to a page with a picture of Steve Wozniak at the top. In the video, Jemima watches as Mon turns to the person next to her. She is pointing to the picture of the Woz.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  This guy, Steve Wozniak, so he was the founder, oh, co-founder of Apple. So he's over there.

• 42:26Matt Forde?

  Jemima frowns. How can the Woz be her idol when she doesn't seem to know who he is? None of this adds up. She started to enjoy being a thorn in Lady Mon's side.

• 42:39Alice Levine?

  I'm enjoying it too, Jemima.

• 42:42Matt Forde?

  She shoots off an email to Lady Mon's publicity team. Do you have any comment on this discrepancy? A few minutes later, she squints at a new email. If nothing else, Lady Mon's team is always exceedingly efficient. Of course Steve Wozniak has been Lady Mon's business idol since she was a teenager. We hope you will not be going down the route of trying to slander Lady Mon. She chews on a biscuit as she reads. Recently, you have become a bit obsessed with Lady Mon. If so, you will give us no option but to pass this on to a definition lawyer. She almost chokes. What the hell's a definition lawyer?

• 43:24Alice Levine?

  She got to it before I could.

• 43:26Matt Forde?

  Jemima can't help but reply. She's starting to enjoy poking Lady Mon. She sits back and folds her arms, takes a large gulp of her coffee.

• 43:39Matt Forde?

  That night, she's woken up by her phone. She squints at the screen. It's two in the morning. She hears her sleepy voice ask, who is this? Here's a man's enthusiastic voice introduce himself as.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Jason Silva, Venezuelan TV personality and futurist.

• 43:57Alice Levine?

  Okay, okay, Jason, you've got my attention, my darling.

• 44:02Matt Forde?

  She sits up, half-wondered if she should ask what a futurist is, when he tells her.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  I was at the conference with Lady Mon in March, and she told me Steve Wozniak was her teenage idol.

• 44:16Matt Forde?

  She stares at her phone. This is nuts!

• 44:19Alice Levine?

  It is nuts!

• 44:21Matt Forde?

  Why has a Venezuelan celebrity rang in the middle of the night to tell her this? It's very strange, when she can't find a shred of evidence to back up Lady Mon's claim. She lies back on the pillows, and decides: was or no was, she's going to pull at those loose threads, and keep pulling. Because she's sure that if she does, Michelle Mon's entire crypto venture will come tumbling down. But more than that, if this whole was stuff isn't true, and she suspects it isn't, then what else is Lady Mon hiding?

• 45:04Matt Forde?

  May 2020, Michelle and Doug's mansion, Isle of Man.

• 45:10Matt Forde?

  Michelle plants her hands on her hips, as one of her cocker spaniel puppies wheeze on the floor. She bought them shortly after PM Boris Johnson announced a lockdown in the UK. The puppies have been her main source of comfort these past few weeks.

• 45:26Matt Forde?

  She grabs an old newspaper to clear it up. Her eyes fall on the FT headline.

• 45:33Matt Forde?

  Is Baroness Mon's true idol Steve Wozniak, or Sylvester Stallone?

• 45:37Alice Levine?

  Incredible. In the FT?

• 45:41Matt Forde?

  She looks at Wozniak's bearded grinning face, then shoves the paper away. Shortly after her announced partnership with the Apple co-founder, Wozniak defected to a rival cryptocurrency. She grimaces at another Mail article on her absence from the House of Lords. She scans the article. Scottish SNP critics have called for Lady Mon to resign, complaining that she attended just 89 sitting days out of 457 since entering the House until June 2017.

• 46:15Alice Levine?

  This is outrageous, isn't it? The idea that you get entry to this elite, which essentially gives you a blank cheque of opportunities. It opens so many doors for you. And there is really no requirement for you to do anything. There really is no accountability.

• 46:31Matt Forde?

  There's so little. I mean, with elected members in the House of Commons, there's a recall petition, ironically, that David Cameron brought in, so that members of the public can petition to get rid of a sitting MP that they think is inadequate without having to wait till the general election. But in the House of Lords, if you're in, there's no real requirement for you to turn up. She slams the papers in the bin. She's fed up to the back teeth with all these people dragging her down. It seems like everything is going wrong at the moment, and she doesn't know why. She pours herself a glass of wine, tries to relax. She switches on the TV, scrolls through for something to watch. Seconds later, she sits forward, covers her mouth in horror

• 47:15Matt Forde?

  at the images from Italy of bodies piling up in makeshift mortuaries outside hospitals. She looks at Doug as he sits down beside her, grabs his hand, lets her eyes fall back on the screen at an Italian doctor close to tears, describing how hopeless he feels at not being able to save his patients. She hugs a cushion as an NHS doctor in London describes how her colleagues don't have enough masks or gowns to keep the virus from spreading, how they're using bin liners and other makeshift protective equipment to try and keep everyone safe, how she herself is using a mask made by children from their local school.

• 48:00Alice Levine?

  Although it wasn't that long ago relatively, it is so hard to transport your mind back to just that state of emergency and trauma and just horror that was unfolding.

• 48:15Alice Levine?

  And even just hearing those details, it's surreal.

• 48:18Matt Forde?

  This is May 2020, this is pre-vaccine, and one of the biggest problems was that people on the frontline, doctors, nurses and care staff, didn't have the basic supplies to protect themselves against a lethal virus. Michelle wipes tears from her eyes, looks at the message on her phone. It's from number 10. Urgent. We need immediate supplies of PPE for NHS frontline workers. Critical items include masks, gowns and gloves. Please confirm your available stock and earliest delivery times. Priority will be given to suppliers who can provide large quantities quickly. She sits up. She's got years of manufacturing experience behind her.

• 49:04Matt Forde?

  Surely, she can do something to help. She scrolls through the list of her contacts. It's Michael Gove's number.

• 49:14Matt Forde?

  As soon as he picks up, she tells him. Michael, I can source PPE. I know all the key players in the Far East. What do you need? When the call's over, she leans back, stares out of her floor-to-ceiling window at the fountain in the garden outside, and decides.

• 49:36Matt Forde?

  She's going to use all her business smarts and her political clout to help the NHS, save lives, and stop those lady layabout jibes for good.

• 49:57Speaker 07

  I'm Gemma Whelan, and in the new season of The Spy Who, we tell the story of the original femme fatale, the spy who was Mata Hari. A famous dancer turned World War One secret agent, accused of seducing Allied officers to uncover their plans. But was she a temptress or a scapegoat for French failures? Follow The Spy Who now, wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also listen to the full season of The Spy Who Was Mata Hari, early and ad-free on Audible.

• 50:27Speaker 08

  For decades, two legendary brands fought for the hearts of American bikers: Indian Motorcycle and Harley-Davidson. The battle looked a lot like Coke versus Pepsi or Ford versus Chevy, but tastes changed and Indian didn't adapt fast enough. The icon all but died. Then came the Con Men, the Dreamers, a string of spectacular failures that kept Indian in the grave, until one company finally got it right. This is the story of an improbable revival and the reignition of an old rivalry. Hey, I'm David Brown, the host of the podcast Business Wars. In every season, we bring you the true stories behind the companies that shape our world. Indian's new owners are going all in, but an existential crisis looms. Can Indian and Harley recruit enough younger riders to survive?

• 51:11Speaker 08

  Make sure to follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of Business Wars early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.

• 51:30Matt Forde?

  Two weeks later, Downing Street. Matt Hancock hunts around on his desk for his briefing notes. Not the only thing he got up to in that office.

• 51:39Alice Levine?

  Am I right?

• 51:41Matt Forde?

  He feels his armpits sweat as he manically searches. Fuck! He's due to address the nation in a few minutes, give the latest update on the COVID situation, but he can't find his notes anywhere. He puts his hand to his forehead, tries to take a deep breath to calm himself down. The last few days have been the most stressful of his entire life. Boris is locked away in his flat with COVID symptoms, and nobody's seen Dominic Cummings for days. There's a rumor flying around that he's not even in London anymore. It's chaos. Medical staff don't even have enough personal protective equipment.

• 52:23Matt Forde?

  In a few minutes' time, he needs to stand in front of the cameras, live on TV, and convince a worried nation that everything's under control. His eyes suddenly fall on the folder at the edge of his desk. He lets out a sigh of relief as he snatches it up.

• 52:43Matt Forde?

  He's just about to head for the door, when his aide holds out a telephone, tells him in a hushed voice. Um, Lady Moan would like to speak to you. He steps back, shakes his head, draws a line across his throat. He hasn't got time for this now. She's been ringing him constantly for the past two weeks, ever since the government put out an emergency call for PPE. The government may be desperate, but now's not the moment. He's still frantically shaking his head, when he hears his aide tell her. Just putting you through now.

• 53:20Alice Levine?

  Sorry, did the finger across the throat not make it clear enough?

• 53:24Matt Forde?

  You still here? He looks up to see Michael Gove. He hears himself gasp with relief, as he jumps forward and grabs him by the arm. Oh, Michael, can you take this call? Gove pushes out his bottom lip. Of course, happy to help. Who is it? Hancock tries to edge closer to the door, as he whispers. Lady Moan. Gove folds his arms, shakes his head, and pushes out his bottom lip even further. No, she's a rapeen in the arse. Hancock puts his fingers to his lips. Shh, she'll hear. He minds to his aide to hang up, but his aide just looks confused.

• 54:10Matt Forde?

  Are you okay, sir? He flings his arms in the air, grabs his papers. He's had enough. He darts out of the room, sprints along the carpeted corridor to the press briefing. He feels a trickle of sweat run down his back, as he tries to figure out what he's going to say. But at least he isn't dealing with Michelle Moan. Someone else can sort all that out. And when they do, he can finally get her off his back, for good.

• 54:45Matt Forde?

  12th of June. Michelle and Doug's home, Isle of Man. Michelle takes a bite of her banana bread as she moves her top hat along the monopoly board.

• 54:55Alice Levine?

  The year of the banana bread, of course.

• 54:58Matt Forde?

  I must be the only person who didn't make banana bread.

• 55:00Alice Levine?

  Okay, so you don't love your country, I guess.

• 55:02Matt Forde?

  She lands on Mayfair and looks up to see Doug's grinning face.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  I have two hotels here. This is gonna cost you a pretty penny.

• 55:11Matt Forde?

  Michelle folds her arms and scowls. Their games of monopoly have been getting more and more competitive recently. It's not fair that Doug's bought Mayfair when she's the real-life lady of it. But right now, monopoly's not what's getting on her nerves most. She's spent days emailing and calling people in the government about her offer to source PPE. She's contacted Michael Gove, Lord Agnew, Matt Hancock. They all seem to be dragging their heels. What's wrong with these people? She checks the time, tells Doug, "It's nearly eight o'clock."

• 55:51Matt Forde?

  A few seconds later, she stands outside her front door next to Doug, hands her phone to her housekeeper, brushes invisible fluff from her yoga leggings, then, on the stroke of eight, grins into the phone and starts clapping for the NHS.

• 56:12Matt Forde?

  She's just about to upload the video to Instagram when she gets a call. Here's the clipped voice of a civil servant.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  Just to let you know, Lady Moon, PPE MedPro have been awarded a contract to supply 210 million face masks.

• 56:27Alice Levine?

  Wow.

• 56:29Matt Forde?

  She feels her mouth open, but no sound comes out. Eventually, she hears a shaky voice say...

• 56:38Matt Forde?

  Thanks for letting me know. She looks at Doug, flings her arms around him as she tells him the news, feels her feet leave the ground as he swings her around. When he puts her down, she runs into the kitchen, grabs a bottle of champagne. She fills Doug's glass, holds her own up to his. She's finally done it, finally convinced them that she can help with PPE. She takes a long sip, the bubbles break in her throat, and for the first time in ages, feels herself relaxed.

• 57:16Alice Levine?

  I'm so torn because knowing what I know, I just can't rejoice in this moment. I can't find it anything other than grotesque that they are drinking champagne at the announcement of this contract.

• 57:29Matt Forde?

  Alice, you're such a cynic. They are toasting the fact that NHS frontline staff are finally going to get the help they need. What more is worthy of drinking expensive fizzy wine that is beyond the reach of most other people?

• 57:44Alice Levine?

  When you put it like that, I feel like a monster.

• 57:47Matt Forde?

  Michelle can finally put an end to all this negative press about her. All that stuff about her not knowing who Steve Wozniak was, her crypto venture failure, let alone all the lady layabout barbs. She's going to step up in the nation's hour of need, show the whole world who she really is, and once and for all, silence everyone who doubts her.

• 58:21Matt Forde?

  From Wondery and Samizdat Audio, this is the second episode in our series, Michelle Moan.

• 58:27Alice Levine?

  A quick note about our dialogue. In most cases, we can't know exactly what was said, but all our dramatizations are based on historical research.

• 58:35Matt Forde?

  If you'd like to know more about this story, you can read My Fight to the Top by Michelle Moan, The Interview: Baroness Moan and the PPE Scandal by Mark Williams Thomas, Investigations into Michelle Moan for The Guardian by David Kahn, and various articles in different newspapers.

• 58:51Alice Levine?

  Thanks to Jemima Kelly at the Financial Times for her help with this episode. British Scandal is hosted by me, Alice Levine.

• 58:58Matt Forde?

  And me, Matt Ford. British Scandal is a production of Wondery and Samizdat Audio. Written by Karen Laws. Additional writing by Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Our story editor is James Maniac. Sound design by Rich Evans. For Samizdat, our producer is Chika Ayers. Our senior producer is Joe Sykes. For Wondery, our series producer is Theodora Leludis and our managing producer is Rachel Sibley. Executive producers for Wondery are Estelle Doyle, Jessica Radburn, and Marshall Louis.

• 59:40Speaker 09

  Dr. Seuss's Cat in the Hat and Fish are back for a whole lot of wonderfully whimsical fun. What happens when you switch bodies with your best friend? Discover a caveman frozen in ice? Or make an alien so angry he threatens to destroy the planet? Find out in season two of the Cat in the Hat podcast. The Cat and Fish are traveling the world in the great catastrophic cacophony cruiser, meeting genies, clown professors, cave trolls, and extraordinary characters along the way. With clever wordplay, imaginative rhymes, original songs, and stories celebrating curiosity, empathy, and creative problem solving, every adventure brings something new to discover.

• 1:00:22Speaker 09

  It's a world of wonderful words, big imaginations, and plenty of heart for the whole family. Listen to the Cat in the Hat podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all 20 episodes early and ad-free right now.

• 1:00:39Speaker 10

  By 1779, Benedict Arnold had sacrificed more for the revolution than almost any other man in America. One of George Washington's most effective commanders, he had nearly lost a leg in the Second Battle of Saratoga. But in return, Arnold believed he had been humiliated by Congress and cheated of his glory by lesser men, so he decided to make them pay. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of the podcast American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in U.S. history: presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, Benedict Arnold turns his back on his comrades in the Continental Army and secretly defects to the British. With the help of his wife, he plots to hand over the most important colonial fortress

• 1:01:23Speaker 10

  to the enemy and doom the revolution he once served. Follow American Scandal wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of American Scandal early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.