What To Do With What You’ve Been Given | Ask Daily Stoic

Yesterday we took a minute to think of all that we have to be grateful for, all the blessings life has bestowed on us–even if those things didn’t always appear to be blessings at the time. Well, today, on so called ‘Black Friday’ in America, instead of rushing out to get a deal on a flat-screen television, we should think about what to do with all that gratitude. It is our duty to help others. To serve others. To help people from going hungry. To alleviate someone’s worry and fear. To put food on their table. To contribute to Team Feed Corporate to help end hunger in America, visit dailystoic.com/feeding. If you live outside the U. S., check out Action Against Hunger, and click here to donate. ✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemailCheck out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we read a passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you in your everyday life. But on Fridays, we not only read this daily meditation, but I try to answer some questions from listeners and fellow Stoics who are trying to apply this philosophy, whatever it is they happen to do. Sometimes these are from talks. Sometimes these are people who come up to talk to me on the street. Sometimes these are written in or emailed from listeners. But I hope in answering their questions, I can answer your questions, give a little more guidance on this philosophy we're all trying to follow.

• 0:50Ryan Holiday?

  What to do with what you've been given. Yesterday, we took a minute to think about all the things that we have to be grateful for, all the blessings that life has bestowed on us, even if those things didn't always appear to be blessings at the time. Well, today, on so-called Black Friday in America, instead of rushing out to get a deal on a flat-screen television, we should think about what to do with all of that gratitude. In the Book of Genesis, Abraham is told that he has been blessed and thus must be a blessing to others. That's the essence of Christianity, but also of Stoicism. We

• 1:30Ryan Holiday?

  have been given a free gift: life, talent, success. We must give freely in return. Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is not filled with lists of items he wants to buy, nor platitudes about gratitude. Instead, he talks actively about helping others, lending a hand, doing his part. "The great fortune of his life," Marcus says at one point, "is not just that he himself has never known serious want, it's that he has been lucky enough to have been able to help so many people," which is why, for the third year in a row, we are inviting you to join us in putting energy towards helping people, not engaging in hand-to-hand combat over deals at a department store. You enjoyed

• 2:13Ryan Holiday?

  a day of fullness yesterday. From the Thanksgiving meal to the company of friends and family, there was plenty of it all. But it's important that you realize that not everyone is feeling that. In fact, many people are experiencing the exact opposite. More than 828 million people around the globe go to bed hungry every night. More than 34 million people in America are food insecure. And nine million of them are children. This is a tragedy. It's also an opportunity and an obligation. It's our duty to help others, to serve others, to illustrate those virtues of courage and justice towards and for and through others, to help people from going hungry, to alleviate someone's worry and fear, to put food on their table.

• 2:58Ryan Holiday?

  And we could do this together. Last year, the Daily Stoic community came together with Feeding America and provided 2 million meals. That was double what we raised the year before. And this year, we're again increasing our goal as well as the donation we're... I'm personally putting up the first $30,000 with an overall goal to raise 300,000 bucks. Every dollar we raise provides 10 meals, so if we hit that goal, it'll be 3 million meals. And you can head over to dailystoic.com/feeding to check that out. I think together, we can make a small dent in a big problem. So let's do that. Instead of... Rather than let the Black Friday spirit of materialism and selfishness infect us, let us contribute to something bigger than ourselves.

• 3:41Ryan Holiday?

  Let's be good Stoics today. I want you to give something. Give something until it hurts, right? Filling out the form to put up 30,000 bucks, it hurts. It's a little bit scary, but that's how you know you're giving the right amount, I think. Could be a dollar for you, could be 100 bucks, could be 1,000 bucks, but give something. It would mean a lot to me. If you've gotten value out of these emails over the years, that would mean something to me. And look, if you live outside the US, check out actionagenthunger.org, the global humanitarian organization that fights hunger across 50 countries. And I'll put a link in today's show notes. But for everyone in the US, check out dailystoic.com/feeding. I appreciate it. Thank you, everyone.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  So I recently finished the book you recommended last in the New Year, New Me Challenge, The Storm Before the Storm.

• 4:37Ryan Holiday?

  Yes.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  And I found that Stella and Marius, they had like an envious relationship. They were envious of each other. And I also find that in my life, even even if I'm just 20 years young, you know, because oftentimes I think all of us struggle with this too, is that when someone someone succeeds, sometimes you tend to feel happy for them. Sometimes you get jealous and envious. So, and I also believe that envy can be tied in with ego. So my question is, how does he still combat envy?

• 5:15Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, I have a chapter on on envy in Stillness is the Key. It is a it is a tricky thing, you know, Theodore Roosevelt says comparison is the thief of joy. I think it's true. Envy is is no fun. It doesn't really usually get you anything. But but then again, I can see why it is a driving force of the human nature of the human species. It propels us forward because it makes us want stuff we don't have. I have two things I'd point you to. I have I have an interview with Mike Duncan about The Storm Before the Storm on the podcast, which I think is worth listening to.

• 6:00Ryan Holiday?

  And then I also I just interviewed Luke Burgess, who wrote a great book about Rene Girard, whose sort of theory of memetic desire is, I think, very relevant today and sort of a an insight into how envy works and how destructive it is. So I would I would stay tuned for that. And you might like Rene Girard's stuff as well. William Woods.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Yes, can you hear me all right?

• 6:31Ryan Holiday?

  I can.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  All right, fantastic. All right, we've heard several things just in today's office hours. I've heard about guilt, I've heard about envy and jealousy. You know, I struggle a lot with anxiety. And so I guess we're all kind of here in a way with this thought that we want, we're looking for Stoicism and the study of this to help us in our daily lives in real practical type ways. And in all of your research, man, you have distilled down so much

• 7:12Speaker 02

  material to where it's like in your daily emails, these little bite sized pieces. And all of your study of this, how is, what is the most practical way Stoicism can help in our daily life?

• 7:28Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, this is a great question. I would say that the habit, I would say I have an unfair advantage as far as the practice of Stoicism because I get to write about it, right? So I get to have this constant dialogue with myself about my own thoughts, but then also with the Stoics themselves, right? And that's, that's really what Stoicism is though. So there's a reason almost all the Stoics were writers about Stoicism, not all the work survived, but they were writing about it. So on the back of the journal, we have Epictetus, he says, "Every day and night, keep thoughts like these at hand. Write them, read them aloud, talk to yourself and others about them."

• 8:10Speaker 03

  So I moved here from California and all my friends.

• 8:13Ryan Holiday?

  Billy, can we unmute everything?

• 8:14Speaker 03

  They're gonna be in REI all the time.

• 8:16Ryan Holiday?

  Got it. So, so I would say that the active practice of engaging with the material, whether it's a few minutes with the journal in the morning, whether it's something like this on a regular basis, whether it's a, you know, a philosophical buddy, like, you know, Seneca writing to Lucilius. To me, it's that. You don't just read it and absorb it. Just like a baseball player knows how to swing, but every day before a game, they have to go through batting practice. You have to work on it like that. So that's, that's how I would think about it.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you.

• 8:50Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah. Gabriel, I don't see your hand raised, but if you could unmute yourself, you can answer.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  Been following you for about a year now and Oh, thank you. Awesome. I appreciate what you're doing. It's just amazing to have such clear language on these things because a lot of times we just think everything's so complicated and when you see a different perspective, a different language, it really makes sense. So my question is again to Darren's point and the day-to-day lives, how do we, how do we apply all this knowledge, everything that we're learning, when people really, really hurt you, really just with actions and words and lie about you and continue to do so towards the people you know, the circle of people

• 9:40Speaker 04

  you used to run around with, your family, and just completely do that to you? How do you dignify with an answer? Do you just walk away for a while? Do you, of course, I've, you know, I've forgiven them within my heart, but it's, you know, sometimes it's hard to just sit aside and watch them doing all that.

• 9:59Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, look, I think every situation calls for its own unique response. So I'd have to know all the particulars and I'd have to know what's going on in your life. I would say, you know, sometimes you, you know, it's like water off a duck's back. Sometimes it's an opportunity for you to practice, you know, speaking up for yourself. Sometimes it's a, it's an injustice. I got an email this morning from someone who had had this horrible encounter with their brother who'd assaulted them, you know, over a family argument, and they were gonna call the police, but their mother didn't want them to call the police because it hurt their brother. And, and you know, what we ended up talking about was, you know, is this, is you doing this about solving it for you? Or is you not doing

• 10:41Ryan Holiday?

  something about it? Does it put other people at risk in the future, right? So, so, you know, what I'm saying is that in a third situation, just walking away, just letting it happen, might be perpetuating an injustice that you're in a position to stop going forward. So, all of which is to say, I don't think there's a rule. There is, there is no party line here. We take it on a case-by-case basis, but generally, we try not to let external things affect our character, affect our peace of mind, affect what our job is, affect our, you know, relation or affection to people as a whole, and we try to move forward and, and progress.

• 11:27Ryan Holiday?

  Pia.

• 11:28Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 11:28Ryan Holiday?

  Hi.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  Um, okay, my, my question is, I also been following the Daily Dad, which I think is a wonderful, wonderful podcast.

• 11:38Ryan Holiday?

  Thank you.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Um, and also, um, I basically struggle a lot with parenthood, you know, because you are, you talk all the time about, you know, like, living every moment and what is the rush? What's the rush to go to school early? What is the rush to do this? What, you know, like, you always mention the same things. But at the same time, you have to have that fine line when you accept your kids how they are, but at the same time, you know that there is expectations.

• 12:09Ryan Holiday?

  Mm hmm.

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Uh, you also know that, um, there is, uh, there is things that are expected from society for them, because you can just not let kids be wherever they wanna be, because they won't do nothing.

• 12:23Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  So, um, you know, like, I have teens, teenagers, and if anyone in the group has teenagers, know how difficult it is where to draw the line. And also, my, one of my teenagers suffer from severe anxiety as well. So it's been also debilitating from her to accomplish things. And you wanna be like a good, like, stoic parent and trying to understand, be in their shoes, be wise, understand, uh, but at the same time, you know, where's, where is that line?

• 12:50Ryan Holiday?

  Yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 05

  How much you push, how much you let it go? And also with that acceptance, because it's really hard to control what you can control, but let go, because it's your kid, you know? So, um, how do you mix that? Because I know you're a dad as well, and so how you and your wife handle that, um, parenting?

• 13:11Ryan Holiday?

  I'm still struggling with it. I don't have any, any easy, clear answers, but I would tell you two books that have been helpful to me. Um, actually, I think her episode just came out today, but I really like Jessica Leahy, um, her book, um, uh, her book, uh, The Gift of Failure. There's another great book that, that I sell in the bookstore downstairs called, uh, The Self-Driven Child, uh, which is a great book. Um, and then I would add to that, uh, Paul Tough wrote a great book called How Children Succeed. So I would say those three books have kind of informed, and it is an ongoing project, obviously, because my oldest is not even five. But you know, sort of how do you balance, you know, sort of creating rules and structure, creating opportunities for them to learn things on their own?

• 13:56Ryan Holiday?

  You know, how do you balance taking things seriously but not taking them too seriously? That is the struggle. I would say, you know, the virtue of temperance, that moderation, the middle, that's where this comes in. So you want to be strict but not too strict. You want to give them freedom but not too much freedom.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  You want to be reasonable.

• 14:14Ryan Holiday?

  Exactly. So that's what we're figuring out. I don't have an easy answer, but the email that I send out is me trying to struggle with that on a daily basis, just like you.

• 14:24Speaker 05

  Can you say the names of the books really quick? I write it down?

• 14:27Ryan Holiday?

  Yes, The Self-Driven Child, The Gift of Failure, and How Children Succeed.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  Okay, perfect. Thank you.

• 14:34Ryan Holiday?

  Yep. Margie.

• 14:37Speaker 06

  Hi.

• 14:38Ryan Holiday?

  Hi.

• 14:39Speaker 06

  Um, my question is kind of related to a question raised in the previous office hours. It's on the role of the internet. But I keep coming back to this on social media, how it can act as a distraction, how it can encourage negative passions. It has negative effects on empathy or gratification delay. It sometimes feel like I'm mixing into a mob. So of course, there are ways we can minimize the use. But I guess my question is, how should Stoics today view technology and social media, given what we are learning about its effects on people?

• 15:20Speaker 06

  And also, given the value system the ancient Stoics are teaching us to live by?

• 15:26Ryan Holiday?

  Yes, these are great questions. So one of the best ways I heard this described, and I literally just got off interviewing him, Cal Newport in Digital Minimalism, he says like, look, when you talk to people who are in great shape. And you say, what do you eat? They have a diet, right? They're like, this is what I do, right? They're not like, I just eat whatever, whenever. I'm just winging it and I see how it goes, right? They're like, I'm vegan, or I eat paleo, or I do low carb, or, you know, I only eat meat three days a week, or I have a chef who chooses what I eat, right? The point is, uh, they're intentional about it. And I think that's the ultimate way to approach social media.

• 16:10Ryan Holiday?

  It, I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it, but you have to have a way that you are doing it that makes sense for you. So for me, I have almost no social media on my phone. You know, I'm, I, I schedule all my stuff out in advance. I don't read things that people say about me, et cetera. So I just have a set of rules. These rules change. Uh, usually they get stricter, uh, but the point is, I try to be intentional about it and I try to have a set of rules that I follow.

• 16:39Speaker 06

  Be intentional.

• 16:41Ryan Holiday?

  Yes.

• 16:42Speaker 06

  Thank you so much.

• 16:43Ryan Holiday?

  Of course.

• 16:51Ryan Holiday?

  That's my memento mori coin. I think about it all the time. I'm playing with it on my desk right now. It's something I carry always. It's probably the thing I get asked about the most when I bump into people in public. It's just been a game changer for me. I have a bunch of different memento mori reminders, of course, but if you want to get this one, which we make here in the U.S. in a mint in Minnesota that's been in business since 1882, you can check it out in the Daily Stoic store. Or if you're in Bastrop, you can stop by my bookstore here, The Painted Porch on Main Street, where we sell them as well. It's a game changer. Hope you check it out.