7 Pieces of Popular Life Advice That Keep 99% of People Miserable, & How You Can Avoid Them

I'm calling out the seven pieces of popular life advice that are secretly keeping you stuck and miserable. After sitting across from some of the world's most successful people for over 12 years, I've learned that the motivational quotes everyone shares on social media often lead us further from the life we actually want. From "follow your passion" to "success equals happiness," I'm breaking down why these seemingly inspiring messages can derail your dreams and what actually works instead. You'll walk away knowing how to spot the difference between achievement and fulfillment, and more importantly, how to align your daily actions with who you're meant to become. Make Money Easy: Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer LifeThe Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life TodayThe Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest LivesThe School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a LegacyIn this episode you will:Discover why "following your passion" without a plan leads to burnout and financial instability instead of the life you dream ofTransform your relationship with difficult emotions by learning why "staying positive" all the time is actually toxic to your mental healthBreak free from passive waiting by understanding how to combine patience with proactive steps that create real opportunitiesLearn to recognize when "never give up" becomes harmful advice that keeps you trapped in situations that no longer serve youReplace fake confidence with authentic presence that attracts the right people and opportunities into your lifeFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1819For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Lewis Howes – greatness.lnk.to/1816SCDave Ramsey – greatness.lnk.to/1758SCMark Manson – greatness.lnk.to/1750SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  We just confirmed that Andrew Huberman is coming to the Summit of Greatness along with some other amazing speakers. We've got Dr. Tara Sward, Brendon Burchard, Gabby Bernstein, Amy Purdy, and some huge entertainers and performers. Make sure to get your tickets right now. Summit of Greatness is happening September 12th and 13th here in Hollywood. I can't wait to see you there. I'm going to expose the life advice that's keeping you personally stuck, and I'm going to show you what actually works instead. And there are seven key lessons that have been blocking you. This popular advice that you've been told, that's really just not that true. And I'm going to give you some context around each lesson, and some examples on how you can

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  apply a different lesson to your life to start creating that breakthrough inside of you, to have the breakthrough outside of you. And you can't have one without the other. But the first key is the advice that most people have heard is to follow your passion. Follow your passion. And this can lead you astray. And I'm going to give you some context around this. Passion isn't a plan. It's how most people end up broke and burned out. The worst advice you can give a young person is follow your passion. It's a quote by Scott Galloway, who we've had on this show, and has done some amazing things in the world.

• 1:26Lewis Howes?

  Now, I'm going to give you some context. I live a passionate life, but the flawed advice, follow your passion, feels inspiring. It feels exciting and motivating and exhilarating, but it's not a reliable life strategy. The reality is passions can change. They can evolve with seasons, and turning them into careers may lead to burnout or financial instability. You don't want your passions to be something that you hate later. You want to find something that, one, you can be useful in adding value and being of service around, and you want to make sure your passions stay your passions. But if passions lead to burnout, then you're

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  Never want to do that thing that you're passionate about ever again. So an example might be that an individual passionate about painting and just loves painting, quits their stable job to become a full-time artist, but struggles financially and loses the joy in painting due to market pressures or feeling like they have to be on social media constantly to promote themselves. And they lose the joy in it when the business of it, or the marketing of it, or the personal branding of it, or the packaging, or dealing with customers, whatever it might be, when all that other stuff starts to pile on top of you and create a weight that you're not ready for.

• 2:51Lewis Howes?

  You have to know what you're getting into. And if you're trying to make money and monetize a passion, that's one thing. But you've got to know what you're getting into when you're starting to monetize a passion. Now, if you could do that, and you could sustain it, that's a great thing. But just saying, I'm going to go follow my passion. I love basketball, so I'm going to try to play basketball and make money. You may get burnt out by doing that strategy. If you like painting, if you like something else, you may just get burnt out. So you have to be careful of saying, I'm only going to do something I'm passionate about. And I love what I do. I love the school of greatness. I love sitting down against some of the biggest names in the world and getting to tap into their mindset and their heart. And I love sharing that with you and I love inspiring people. I love it. I am passionate about it.

• 3:34Lewis Howes?

  I don't think you can do something for 12 plus years every single week unless you have some joy and passion. So I have that. It doesn't mean there's not challenges and adversity and struggles and things that I don't like doing on a day-to-day basis. But I found something that I can be very good at, very effective at in serving a greater mission, a meaningful mission, which is what I talked about in The Greatness Mindset. If you don't have it yet, the New York Times Bestseller, grab a copy today, which will guide you on the lessons I've learned from all the top experts I've had on here on how to truly dive into your meaningful mission and your purpose. So instead of solely chasing passion, I want you personally to identify

• 4:20Lewis Howes?

  Find something that you're good at and what the world needs and what you can get paid for. And when you can identify what you're good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for. Then you can create something that's exciting because when you get paid for something that you're good at, that other people need, man, you build competence, you build confidence, you build consistency and you build currency. You want to create currency in relationships, in an industry, in your community, with your friends, with your family, you want to build that currency that says, hey, I'm doing something meaningful. I'm helping, I'm, I'm useful, I'm adding value and I'm getting paid in return for that value that I create.

• 5:03Lewis Howes?

  We all have to work at something. We all have to serve in some way. And it's asking yourself, what activities do I want to be spending more time at? And how do I want to be serving people and how can I get paid for that service? I love what I get to do and what my team gets to work on here, team greatness. It's because we get to create meaningful, valuable content that serves humanity in an empowering way. And for me, education is one of the greatest things that we can all have. But being educated and consuming information that serves us to improve our lives. God, what a gift, what a blessing, what an opportunity.

• 5:46Lewis Howes?

  And in a world where we can do unlimited amounts of things with our time. What are you going to do with your time? At the end of the day, at the end of the year, at the end of a decade, what do you want to look back at and say, I used my time for good. I was a part of a company that was helping people. I was a part of a mission that impacted lives, that inspired people. Or do you want to be doing stuff just for a paycheck? That may not align with your values or maybe it's pulling people down or it's hurting people or it's not really that ethical. You just want to be asking yourself, what am I a part of? Am I a part of something greater? Am I serving in a greater capacity than just?

• 6:31Lewis Howes?

  Making money for money's sake. Because fulfillment comes when passion meets purpose. And when purpose meets a paycheck. So let me say this one more time. Fulfillment comes when passion meets purpose. And when purpose meets a paycheck. And it is so much more rewarding. When you're able to do all those things in alignment. With your values, with your vision and with your meaningful mission. And again, if you don't have the greatness mindset. This is all about how to unlock the power of your mind to live your best life. That's what this is all about. How can we live authentically our greatest lives? As frequently as possible.

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't mean we're not going to fall from grace and make mistakes and you know, be imperfect. We are, we're human beings. But how can we be just doing a little bit better every single day, every single year? And leaning into adding value the best way possible? And getting paid in return for that purpose? So the first key advice that's been maybe leading you astray? Is to follow your passion. And again, it doesn't mean to, you shouldn't bring passion to your day to day activities. But if you're only following your passion? And you get burnt out in the process and you can't monetize it? Then that passion's going to fade as well. And you have to find a new passion.

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  So it's just having the full context around that. You shouldn't just only follow your passion. But you should live with passion in whatever you do. The second key advice that's been blocking you is stay positive. Stay positive at all times. Because this can be toxic. Always staying positive is the most negative thing you can do.

• 8:22Lewis Howes?

  There's a quote that I like from Dr. Susan David, who's been on this show that says, it's a longer quote. It says, "Emotional agility is our ability to be healthy human beings. Every day, we have thousands of thoughts that tell us we're not good enough. We also have emotions about loneliness, anxiety, and stories that we tell ourselves about who we are in the world. And all of these things can give us stress, ambiguity, and complexity. They become more pervasive and gain a greater level of hold on us. So emotional agility is the psychological skill that helps us to deal with the inner world of ours in a fundamentally healthy way."

• 9:06Lewis Howes?

  And this is from Dr. Susan David, who's been on the show. Very inspiring. Because the flawed advice here is maintaining a positive attitude at all times is essential. And listen, I'm in the personal growth world. I'm trying to make personal growth mainstream, sexy, and accessible for all. And sometimes the personal growth world can have a negative wraparound it, that it's all about woo-woo and fluff and positivity and kumbaya and all that stuff. And that's not what it's about. I come from the sports background. And really, I learned sports psychology in high school and college sports and a professional level as well. So I come from this background from sports psychology, scientific methods that

• 9:50Lewis Howes?

  help athletes perform better. And I've learned how to use that sports psychology, that athlete mindset, that champion mindset, and really, the greatness mindset. I've learned how to use the greatness mindset based on sports psychology in business, in life, in relationships, all these different avenues of life. That background has guided me. And that's why we have so many great psychologists on the show to continue to give us the science, the proven tools to help you improve the quality of your life. It's not about just have a positive attitude constantly. Yes, I want to have a positive attitude as frequently as possible. But-

• 10:32Lewis Howes?

  The reality is, we have a lot happening in our lives. You have a lot happening. There's breakdowns, there's loss, there's sadness. And bottling your emotions doesn't make you stronger. It just makes the pain last longer. Suppressing what you feel might look like control or like you've got things figured out. But it blocks real healing and genuine growth in your life. And again, when I was growing up, I was told as a young boy, becoming a teenage boy, becoming a grown up and a man, I was told not to show emotion. I was told not to cry. I was, I was told to toughen up at all times. And that was a, a conditioning in society.

• 11:15Lewis Howes?

  But it only left me feeling more wounded because I felt like something was always wrong with me. And until I learned to process emotions in a healthy and empowering way, that's when I learned that I had more peace inside of me. Because if you ever look at a man who never shows emotion, I'm telling you, he's got a big wound. He just doesn't want you to see it. And the wound is typically, if you ever knew about the thing I'm most ashamed of, you will never like me, you will never love me, and you will never accept me. And so many men have that wound. I had that wound for 30 years. And dealing with the shames and insecurities and challenges growing up as a kid, I had lots of shame.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  And I just said to myself, I need to act positive. I need to look like we got it all figured out. I need to look like nothing can faze me. Cause that's what I was taught early on in sports. And that's, you know, kids would pick on you if you ever showed emotion in school, all that stuff. So the pressures of society. And I'm not here to blame anyone for this. It's just what we had in society. And hopefully we're starting to shift things. We're starting to move things. It's one of the reasons why I created the book, The Mask of Masculinity. We'll have it linked up below as well, which is teaching men how to truly step into their highest, most vulnerable and authentic selves by healing the wounds of the past so we don't hurt people in our path.

• 12:42Lewis Howes?

  And I think when you can truly master emotional intelligence, it allows you to navigate your emotions throughout day and not express your emotions, whatever you're thinking or feeling and putting them on everyone around you. That's not what this is about. And it's not about saying I'm perfect when something horrible in your life happens. It's not about either of those. It's just learning how to navigate the emotions inside of you so you can process them in a conscious way. Whether it's processing with a friend, family member, processing in your own way individually, with a therapist, processing by working out and releasing the emotions, whatever it is that works with you, there's lots of different strategies.

• 13:26Lewis Howes?

  Again, we have a lot of those strategies in the Greatness Mindset. But someone facing, as an example, someone facing a job loss is told, "Hey, just stay positive." That might be leading them to ignore the grief and the missing and the opportunity to process and learn from the experience. And I'm all for trusting that you will be provided for in the future and trusting that the next great opportunity will come to you and trusting that when one door closes, seven, 10, 20 more doors open. I'm all for that. This is not what this is about. This is about making sure you don't bottle your emotions and only stay positive when you're truly not feeling well,

• 14:11Lewis Howes?

  where there's a loss or grief or something. And again, this doesn't mean every emotion, I'm just gonna ah cry all day long. That's not emotional agility. That's not emotional awareness. That's not emotional intelligence. It's about understanding your emotions and giving yourself a moment to process, or it might take days or weeks to process some things and learning how to navigate those things. So the takeaway is to acknowledge and validate all emotions. Every emotion you have, acknowledge and validate. It doesn't mean express it on everyone all the time. But authenticity in emotional expression leads to better mental health, leads to a healthier heart, a healthier body, a healthier nervous system.

• 14:55Lewis Howes?

  All the top doctors, researchers, psychologists and scientists that I've sat across in this chair right here acknowledge the importance of processing your emotions, not holding on to them, not controlling them, not being rigid, all these different things. You're going to cause more pain in your body, your mind, in your heart when you stay in control of emotions and don't show them ever. And again, you don't have to show tears every moment you feel sadness, but you can process and show tears at the same time if you feel like it also. There's an agility around your emotions that you could get to continue to evolve and develop.

• 15:36Lewis Howes?

  So number two, stay positive. It can be toxic. And again, that doesn't mean you shouldn't live in positivity with a good attitude as consistently as possible. You should. But don't negate your emotions as well when you're feeling them. Let me know if this resonates with you so far. Leave a comment below if one and two resonate with you, if it's making sense, if there's an example in your life that speaks to you of this that you want to share in the comments below. Make sure you like this video as well if you're liking these solos that I'm doing and subscribe to the YouTube channel to continue to get more updates on this content every single week.

• 16:20Lewis Howes?

  The third thing is that good things come to those who wait. How many times have you heard this? Good things come to those who wait. I'm a pretty impatient guy. I don't like waiting, but there is some truth to this. But when you hear this all the time, it can encourage being passive and not living in urgency. And so here's what I want to say. Waiting for the perfect timing won't bring you a breakthrough, but having courage during uncertain times will.

• 16:52Lewis Howes?

  It's a quote that I like. That is, you've got to be willing to put yourself out there before you feel ready. Talk about this in The Greatest Mindset. The flawed advice is patience will eventually bring you rewards. Yes, sometimes being patient will bring you rewards. But that doesn't mean you don't have to take action consistently. You don't have to keep developing yourself, developing more skills, adding value to people, overcoming your fears, all these things we've talked about in previous episodes. You've got to be willing to take action if you want to create the thing you want. Don't just say, okay, I'm gonna wait around. And some, at some moment, if I just think about something, it's all gonna come to me. That's not true.

• 17:37Lewis Howes?

  The reality is waiting without action can result in missed opportunities and stagnation. An example for you might be that an employee waits for a promotion. Without expressing interest or showing the improved skills that they're developing consistently and taking on new projects and saying, what else can I do? And give me feedback and I want to improve and I want to get better and add more value. So you can be overlooked repeatedly if you're not expressing the vision you have. If you're not showcasing the game plan that you're creating and the action steps to accomplishing the game plan, to serving in your role, going beyond your role and adding more value to

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  the company that you're a part of. Just saying, I'm gonna put in my time and I'm gonna wait year after year and I'm just gonna do my job and, and that's it. It, it may not work out for you. And it may be overlooked repeatedly, which may lead to frustration or resentment or whatever emotions you have. And then if you're bottling it and you're just staying patient and positive, then you're gonna be more frustrated year after year. So you've got to speak up and communicate in a cautious way with a clear game plan and a clear vision and then action steps on a daily, weekly, monthly basis, showing the value you're adding and repeating it. This is my vision. This is what I want to create. What will it take from me? How can I give more value?

• 19:06Lewis Howes?

  When you speak. With that language and the clarity of the vision you have, and then you create results, it's going to come to you much faster. So I want you to combine patience with proactive steps towards your goals. When you do that, and you have the courage to communicate consistently and add more value, good things are going to happen much quicker. And that's the key. You can't just say, I'm going to stay patient for 10 years and hopefully it all works out. It's not going to work that way. You've got to be proactive. If that makes sense, if that resonates, again, leave a comment below and let me know. But key number three, good things come to those who wait.

• 19:47Lewis Howes?

  It only encourages people living with a passive mindset and saying, I'm just going to show up and do the bare minimum and then wait and hope something good happens because everyone's going to see my greatness. Now, you've got to command your greatness by getting results consistently. That will unlock opportunities for you. It will create opportunities. And if you are creating above and beyond results consistently and you're not seeing any growth, then maybe you're not in the right place or you're out of alignment where you're at. So just be aware of where you're at, communicate what you want. And if they are not supporting you to getting you to where you want to be by saying, okay, here's what it's going to take and the results you need to reach in order to get there,

• 20:31Lewis Howes?

  ask them for clarity. Say, what will it take for me to get here? And if I can get these consistently, can you help me get that race? That should help you a lot. Key number four, everything happens for a reason can be dismissive. Now, there's two parts to this, I'm going to get into this, but here is the intro for you. Saying everything happens for a reason is dismissive. Some things don't happen for a reason. Some things just hurt, and that's reason enough. Sometimes what people need most isn't a reason. It's your presence, your empathy, and your willingness to sit with them in the discomfort.

• 21:16Lewis Howes?

  So the flawed advice around this is that all events have a purpose, even negative ones. Now, I have a mixed feelings around this because in my mind, I...

• 21:31Lewis Howes?

  Know that in the future, it will have a reason. But let me break it down for you first. The flawed advice is that all events have a purpose, even negative ones. But the reality is this mindset can invalidate someone's struggle and discourage critical thinking about circumstances. So an example for you could be telling someone who experienced a traumatic event that it happened for a reason, that this will help minimize your pain and hinder healing by saying that. If someone has a loss, if someone's going through something traumatic or a big breakdown or a health scare, you don't want to just say, oh, this is all happening for a reason. Everything's gonna be okay. Don't worry. Like, you don't want to just diminish allowing someone to process

• 22:17Lewis Howes?

  the sadness, the grief, the loss. There are some traumatic things happening in the world. And there are traumatic things happening to individuals as well. And so you don't want to minimize this. It's, it could be very hurtful and it could be harmful to the person's growth. But here's what I will say. Once you're able to process some of your emotions in a challenging moment, once you're able to sit in it, experience it, feel the sadness, feel the lows, feel the, all the pain that you're experiencing. And we've all had moments like that. Even if it's not the most devastating thing in the world, sometimes a breakup feels like it. Sometimes getting fired from a job is exactly what you needed to create something new in your life.

• 23:01Lewis Howes?

  But it still can feel devastating and still can feel like, oh, my world is ending. Cause that's all you've known for so long, that relationship, that partner, that career, that, that friendship, whatever it might be, and now it's over. And it feels like a massive loss because your body is truly going through sadness. Once you're able to process it, and maybe it takes days, weeks, months, maybe years for some of these things. Once you're able to process it a little bit and have enough to be able to have normal conversations, still feeling sadness, still feeling a little down, but having normal conversations, you can start to create distance and perspective from the pain.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  And when I was going through a challenging time, probably about seven years ago, I had my podcast. I still had some interviews, so I kept showing up, but I could, my, my energy was pretty low. But I was consistent with doing the show every single week. And I had a guest on named Robin Sharma. Some of you might know Robin Sharma. He's created the 5am Club. He's the monk who sold his Ferrari. He's sold tens of millions of copies of his books and he's a very inspiring leader. And I'm meeting Robin for the first time and I'm a fan of his, right? This is seven, seven or eight years ago. I'm a fan of his, I'm meeting him for the first time and I'm like, ah, should I reschedule this? No, I'm gonna do it. But my energy is low. I'm like a three out of a 10 energy. I'm struggling.

• 24:26Lewis Howes?

  I'm going through some sadness, some frustration, all these different things. We sit down and do, and start doing the interview. Within five minutes, I'm like, Robin, I just want to let you know, I'm kind of going through some stuff right now. And so if I'm not my best in this interview, I'm going to give you my best. But if I'm not my best, just know it's, it's, I'm going through some stuff right now in my personal life. And he said, Robin's, I don't know, he's probably 10, 15, 20 years wiser than me. And he said, "A bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul." And whatever reason, he said it at the right timing for me. He said, "A bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul."

• 25:08Lewis Howes?

  That doesn't mean it diminishes the pain and you're still not gonna have to go through what you need to go through on your own journey. But I was like, you're right. And he goes, "Listen, Lewis, I've been through three or four different personal challenges. I've been in this career, this industry for 30 plus years. I've had breakups, I've had people steal from me, I've done things that I'm not proud of. And I've had these different moments. And every moment has been painful, has been hard, has been a lesson." But a bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. And this season of life, whether it's weeks, months, or a year,

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  you're going to learn about who your friends are. You're going to learn about who you are. You're going to learn about who's really there for you. And it's going to help you purge people, things in your life that no longer need to be in the next season and the next chapter of your life. And you're going to go through a spiritual cleansing as well. And it's not going to be fun or enjoyable. There's going to be some challenges and pain. But you're going to go through a spiritual cleansing and you're going to go through a physical purging of relationships, people, environments, things that no longer are needed in the future self that's meant to do something greater than where you're at right now.

• 26:32Lewis Howes?

  And in that moment, when Robin was talking to me, I was literally like, oh, it's kind of like future hindsight. Not about having hindsight as 2020, but if we can just remove ourselves a little bit from the pain and create perspective and just a little bit of distance. And if we could time travel to the future, two years, five years, 10 years. And then if we can look back to this moment, 10 years in the distance, and we create that a little bit of distance from the pain,

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  I'm going to look back and say, oh, this is exactly what I needed. It doesn't mean there's a reason or something in that moment, but this is exactly what was needed in my future. And every time I look back at all the painful things, breaking my wrist, going through breakups, my dad going through a traumatic brain accident, my brother going to prison for many years. All these different things that, the sexual abuse that I went through when I was a kid, all these different moments and memories that caused a lot of pain, breakups and sadness and trauma, all the mess. If I can look back now with hindsight, man, I see the reason because I've created the meaning out of it.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  There's no reason until you create meaning. And that usually takes time, space and healing. And in the future, if you can have future hindsight, if you can time travel to the future, a year, two, 10 years in the future, and start to see why this happened for you, not to you, but why this is happening for you. Then you can create meaning now in the present. It doesn't mean you get to just be positive and ah, I'm going through this trauma, this pain, or this breakup, or this sadness, or this loss. It doesn't mean that. But you can start to see, you know what? I've been through challenging things in the past. I thought my life was over. But actually, that's when a new chapter began.

• 28:37Lewis Howes?

  And I grew stronger. And I developed new skills. And my ability to have emotional agility expanded. And now I can carry more emotional weight and still feel weightless. That is true power. Now you're becoming a leader in your life. And you can expand your ability to have thicker skin, but still stay soft. Expand your ability to take on more emotions, but not be impatient. Expand your ability to widen your energetic field of taking on more and feel like it's effortless.

• 29:20Lewis Howes?

  That's when you've reached newer levels. And that's when your higher self is applauding. Because he and she is like, man, that's exactly what you're meant to do. You're not meant to stay stuck. You're not meant to stay small. You're not meant to stay in place. You're meant to change. You're meant to evolve. You're meant to grow. You're meant to fly into the butterfly you're meant to be. And that means you've got to purge spiritually, purge physically, purge the things that no longer support you in getting to the next level of freedom, abundance, clarity, focus, relationships, health, intimacy, love, all of it. So I'm speaking to you in this example about having future hindsight.

• 30:07Lewis Howes?

  Not meaning you're diminishing all the pain that you're going through, but allowing yourself to tap into time travel just a little bit. You know, the, uh, the great Oscar speech by, um, Matthew McConaughey. He said, "My hero's myself 10 years in the future." And he's always chasing that person 10 years in the future. So think of yourself 10 years in the future. What is the meaning that this moment, this pain, this trauma will give you 10 years in the future? It doesn't mean it's going to be that much easier, but hopefully it'll be easier to process knowing there's meaning in this moment and it's guiding you for something greater in your life.

• 30:48Lewis Howes?

  So focus on finding personal meaning in the events rather than assuming a predetermined reason. Again, this is number four. Everything happens for a reason. This advice can be dismissive unless you use the full context that we just talked about right there. If this speaks to you, if this resonates with you in any way, again, leave a comment saying, "Yes, number four resonates." And the story resonates about future time travel, future hindsight. And the quote that Robin Sharma gave me was, "A bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul."

• 31:30Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't mean it's enjoyable. It doesn't mean you like it. It's not fun. But a bad day for the ego is a great day for the soul. So again, leave a comment if that spoke to you, if that resonates with you, if you've got any value from it. And if you haven't yet, like this video, subscribe to the channel right now and share this video with a friend so they can get the wisdom as well. Spread the message of greatness. Number five, never give up. Never give up. How many times have you heard this? Never give up. Man, I'm gonna give you context on this, but that can be harmful. The advice never give up can be harmful. And you need to know when to quit.

• 32:13Lewis Howes?

  So here, let me give you some context on this first. Cause I love the idea of never give up, but you need to know when to quit. You need to give up because quitting the wrong thing is how you find the right one. Learn to embrace the power of the pivot. Because life moves in seasons. And when you stop resisting change and start flowing with it. That's when the real growth begins.

• 32:45Lewis Howes?

  It's challenging though, isn't it? It's really challenging because we've heard this our whole lives, never give up. And there is a time and a season and a place for that level of thinking. And listen, I grew up an athlete. I heard this every day in practice, every game. And that's good for certain things. If it's a 60 minute thing, don't give up to the very end. Absolutely, absolutely. Go all the way to the end, leave it all on the field. But if you've broken your leg or you have a broken heart and saying, I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna keep going in this relationship. Even when your heart's been broken and you've been bruised emotionally. And someone's cheating on you over and over and over again.

• 33:29Lewis Howes?

  Maybe it's time to step aside. Maybe it's time to try something different. If you've broken your leg and you're working out, maybe it's time to pause. Maybe it's time to let it heal. Maybe it's time to not never give up to the very end. It's time to listen to your body. And again, there's an edge here. There's an edge and a fine line. And you wanna get to the edge, you don't wanna cross the edge. Cause when you go over the edge, you fall down the cliff and you die. This is metaphorically, obviously, but something bad could happen when you cross over the edge. You might hurt yourself more. You might stay in that relationship years too long. And how many of you, myself included, have stayed?

• 34:12Lewis Howes?

  In relationships for years longer than you knew when you're supposed to get out. But the old advice, just don't quit, stay in it. You made a commitment. You've got to go all the way through to the end, no matter what. That doesn't work. And that athlete mindset of like never gaming up in a relationship where you're just constantly being walked alone. On or being broken hearted over and over again. It's not the right thing. And I'm not saying the other person is bad or you were bad. It's just like, this is situation is not working. I need to create a new situation. I need to separate from this, whatever it might be physically, emotionally, financially. Again, continuing to invest in something and say, I'm never going to give up.

• 34:55Lewis Howes?

  Uh, and then you're bankrupt and you say, well, I'm going to take more money out of debt and I'm going to keep investing this thing because I'm never going to get up on this. I promised that I was going to go all the way to the end. You're just going to have no money and people are going to not trust in you because you're going to be asking for money from everyone. So the flawed advice is persistence is always a virtue. Persistence is a good thing. Again, I'm not saying don't be persistent. The reality is continuing on a detrimental path can waste time and resources. Waste a lot of energy from you as well. And here's an example. I'm going to give you an example, a personal example from uh, one of my sisters. And hopefully she doesn't, she doesn't mind me giving this example, but my sister is amazing.

• 35:39Lewis Howes?

  She's trained for mayor, she's ran marathons and done triathlons and half Ironmans and she was training to do an Ironman. And she did a week long bike race. Where it was something like, I don't know, a hundred miles a day or 50 miles a day in uh, the heat and extreme heat here in USA. And after a couple of days, she had extreme heat exhaustion. And she couldn't ride the next day. And she slept all day in like an A C like uh, RV, right? She slept in an RV and.

• 36:19Lewis Howes?

  She really like hurt her immune system. She really hurt her nervous system and her body was just cached. And on this trip, there's, I don't know, a thousand people that were doing this race. And two people died on this trip from heat exhaustion. It's very sad. It's very unfortunate. But two people died. And if my sister would have continued on, something bad could have truly happened. Something bad did happen. She she realized it. She said, I'm not gonna ride the next day. I'm just gonna sleep. And she slept all day. Thankfully, there was a doctor there. They got her electrolytes. They got her food. They got her an air conditioning.

• 37:01Lewis Howes?

  And couple weeks later, she's still experiencing the effects, the residue from that event. And the whole point of it was to train for an Ironman coming up in a few months. And I said, Kat, don't you think you should pause like this training? Like, you don't need to like just finish to the end when two people died. And she said, Yeah, I'm done. She goes, I'm done. Like, this was a good wake up call for me. And she's like, still a little sad because she's been training all year for this. And this is part of her identity, which holds people back. Because she's been doing this for over a decade, 15 years, doing these marathons and triathlons

• 37:46Lewis Howes?

  and all these different events. And she loves it, right? She loves it. But there's a time and a season and a chapter for everything. And I was like, Kat, don't you think like, maybe just do some yoga class? You know, you can still work out hard, but like, do it in air conditioning? You know, you have nothing else to prove right now. Just because you haven't done this Ironman, doesn't mean you should push through and commit all the way, even though you said you're going to do it by this day. You know? It doesn't mean you have to finish it right now. And you could always come back to this. You know, you could take six months, a year, two years. Let your body heal and recover and maybe you can do it again. It doesn't mean it's forever if you give up right now. I think the swimmer Diana Nyad, I think it is.

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  She swam over a hundred miles across the, I think from the Florida Keys to Cuba. And she tried it three different times. Then she stopped for thirty plus years trying. Then in her sixties, she tried again. And it's amazing, again, she tried it three times in her twenties, couldn't do it, stopped for thirty years. Then she did it again. So maybe it's a pause, but you don't have to keep trying and beating yourself to death on things in a relationship or a career or a business just because you're like, I said I was going to do this and it's going to happen. Otherwise I'm a failure. It's okay to be a failure at times. It's okay.

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  But doing it and going all the way to as far as you can go is a huge success. Accomplishing some milestone doesn't mean you're a winner. Going after it and knowing when to quit is an amazing accomplishment just as much. And it doesn't mean you're not going to have sadness and a letdown and frustration and a missing, a longing for wanting to accomplish that thing or missing out on that relationship. But it doesn't mean there's not going to be a missing. That's why we have the emotional intelligence training. That's why we have this book and the podcast that gives you the tools to navigate those emotions of loss, of letdown, of ah, but I put my mind to this thing for so long and it's not happening.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  It's okay, you became someone like my sister became incredible over the last decade by taking on all these challenges. And she just found her edge. Now in the future, her edge may expand. Maybe she can come back to it in a year, two years, whatever, and her edge has expanded and she could take it on better. But she's reached the edge. She fell off the edge. Luckily, she hung on to some branches on the way down that saved her from falling all the way to the bottom. And she was able to pick herself back up and not fall completely. And that's what I want you to be thinking about in your life. Where in my life? You know, do I need to pause?

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  Recognize when to pivot or to abandon unproductive endeavors. It might just be an end of a season, an end of a chapter, and it doesn't mean something's wrong. It means something greater is coming next. So that's the end of number five, never give up. That can be harmful advice. Number six. Who? Fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it. It undermines authenticity. You can't fake becoming the person you're meant to be. You have to become them one choice at a time. Don't fake it till you make it. Face it so you can become it.

• 41:26Lewis Howes?

  And there's a key difference between faking it till you make it and facing it until you become what you want to be. Because the flawed advice is that you should pretend to be confident until you achieve the thing you want. That's like old school. Pretend that you're confident even when you have no skills. Pretend you have all the information even when you're an idiot and you really haven't studied. Pretend you've prepared when you haven't prepared at all. This can lead to imposter syndrome and it can really hurt your lack of genuine growth. It's not going to support your growth when you're living in imposter syndrome. Because when you're in imposter syndrome, if you're living in that and you believe,

• 42:07Lewis Howes?

  I'm not ready, I haven't prepared, but I'm going to act ready and confident. You're out of alignment. These things are not lining up. So when you're in alignment with integrity and with your identity of, now I've been putting in the work. I'm coming back to the center. I've been putting in the work. I'm excited to be here. I know I don't have all the information, but I've been doing my best in preparing to get to where I'm at. Then you can create more alignment of being exactly who you are in this moment. So an example that I give that, and I'm the biggest example of this because I grew up with a lack of confidence, a lack of knowledge, a lack of skills. Bottom of my class in school.

• 42:52Lewis Howes?

  Took me seven years to graduate college. Pretty much everyone I meet in the world is smarter than me. That's how I think about it. Smarter than me, not wiser than me, but smarter. Smarter in school, knows more about math and history and, you know, any, anything that you learned in traditional school. You know, probably more than me about every subject. Because I didn't pay attention. I didn't study. I, I struggled all through school and it was like, it hurt my brain. So all that stuff that we learned, I forget it all. But I've had a lot of wisdom through street smarts, through relationships, through sports, through business, through navigating the world, through negotiations, through speaking,

• 43:35Lewis Howes?

  through pitching, through all these things. And when you have no friends, like I did growing up, zero friends. I got really good at sitting in the school and watching people. Maybe it looks a little creepy because I'm just kind of like watching classmates walk around the hallways and seeing people observe each and connect with each other and seeing how this person responds to this person when they speak. And I just observed people all day long. When I go to an airport, I sit there and I just watch people. And I see how people think, how they move, how they act, how they respond to situations. I see what's on the TV. Why is someone watching that TV? Why are they glued to that? Psychologically, I tap into people's minds and hearts and try to understand their soul.

• 44:20Lewis Howes?

  Try to understand why they are the way they are. So I've learned from being unliked, unlovable and alone, most of my childhood to how to navigate the world by understanding human psychology, social cues, what makes people tick and so on. Anytime I'm out, I observe, I watch, and I ask questions. And I think when you ask questions, you can create amazing opportunities. So again, when I was starting in the business world, I was in my mid twenties. I got done playing arena football, I got hurt, I was on my sister's couch for a year and a half. And I had to figure out how to make money to get off my sister's couch. It was a big need for me.

• 45:04Lewis Howes?

  Um, and I started going to these kind of industry networking events. First locally in Columbus, Ohio, where I was living and where I'm from. I would go to these kind of local meetup business events. Then Twitter, social media became a thing back in two thousand eight, two thousand nine. So I started going to social media related events because I was doing a lot on LinkedIn at that time. And I wanted to just meet people and then blogging became big. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna go to these blogging meetups, these Twitter meetups, these create these LinkedIn events, all these different things. All these, these national events, let me travel to New York and San Diego and LA and go to these bigger conferences. And at the beginning, I knew nothing. I was an idiot. I was like the dumbest person in every room, right?

• 45:49Lewis Howes?

  And I felt that way. So I wasn't gonna say, let me just act like I have all the wisdom and the knowledge and I'm like the smartest person here. I'm not, I'm a nobody. I haven't done anything yet. I'm just out of college, I'm figuring out my life, I'm sleeping on my sister's couch. It's not an exciting person to be around. I wasn't like some big New York Times bestselling author with the biggest podcasts in the world with all these different followers. I didn't have that. I was a nobody. And I knew it. But I knew I had something to offer still, even though I was in the bottom. And I was the least knowledgeable person in every room and had no money. I had nothing to offer in what normal societal terms would think as this is someone you want to be around.

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  So I went into it with a game plan. And I was like, I'm gonna lead with my confidence of who I am. Cause I'm a loving, passionate, joyful human being. I'm a giving human being. I'm a friendly human being. That is something I can bring to the table in any situation. I'm not gonna have the answer to stuff. I'm not gonna be smart, I'm not gonna be able to say witty things. I'm not this funny comedian, I'm not gonna make you laugh. I don't have that.

• 47:06Lewis Howes?

  I can ask good questions and I can be engaging and I can listen. And I'll tell you what, that is a massive superpower. It's probably the biggest superpower that anyone can have. If you want to build real intimacy and relationships. So instead of you walking into the room and acting like, I went to this school and I was top of my class or I have this business or whatever. Lead with humility, curiosity and be a great listener. Because you don't have to be the most knowledgeable to be interesting. Because the most interesting person in any room is the most interested person in other people. And that was a big takeaway for me. For whatever reason, in all these big kind of networking or industry events or trade shows.

• 47:49Lewis Howes?

  I somehow found a way to get to the private dinners later in the evenings. To get to the private meetings with all the top speakers and executives and CEOs. Somehow I would get included and invited. When I grew up alone, having no friends, being laughed at in school, being picked last on sports teams in elementary school, being in the bottom of my class and feeling like a nobody. Somehow in my mid twenties, people are like, hey, come to this dinner after the event. Hey, come meet this CEO. Hey, be here with the lead speaker, the keynote speaker of the whole event. That just spoke in front of 10,000 people. Somehow I would work into these rooms.

• 48:34Lewis Howes?

  And I'd be in the room where it happened and I'd connect with people. And when you understand that proximity is power. It was about proximity, not about knowledge that created opportunities for me. The ability to be able to sit down and have some of the most famous, successful individuals in the world say yes to let me interview them was because of proximity early on. It's not because of skill or knowledge or intelligence or where I went to school. It was because I would literally ask a question. Not related to their business, not related to their fame or success. But it's just a question about their heart, about them as a human being. And by doing that, they were like, wow.

• 49:19Lewis Howes?

  Those people never asked me that. And then they'd share more. And then I would just listen intently. By doing that, thirty minutes would go by and more people would come up and be listening to the story. And I'd be sitting there asking more questions. And they were like, dude, this Lewis guy, he's like the most interesting person here. You guys need to meet him. And I would not say anything about my life. I'd just ask questions and somehow I would be in the room where it happened all the time. And get around the right people and just continue to create those relationships. So again, you don't have to be the smartest person. And I want you to embrace vulnerability and seek help to foster real personal growth and development. So don't fake it till you make it because it undermines authenticity.

• 50:04Lewis Howes?

  And if I went in there and started acting like I knew stuff that I didn't knew, then people wouldn't feel that I'm authentic because I couldn't back it up. And I still do this today. You know, what is it? Twenty years later, no, seventeen, eighteen years later, when I was doing that, when I got into this industry, I'm still doing that today. I still don't go into rooms being like, I have it all figured out and I have the information. I have a lot of knowledge now, you know, after studying some of the brightest minds and seventeen hundred plus episodes on the podcast for twelve and a half years, writing multiple New York Times bestsellers. I've got a lot of wisdom that I've embraced that I can apply to my life. But I still don't have all the answers and I don't go into it thinking I do.

• 50:48Lewis Howes?

  I still go into it asking questions. And I think if you can go into it with where you're at in any environment and situation and truly leave with authenticity and connected to people, good things are going to happen. The seventh key, seventh and final for this episode. This is a big one, big one, and I hope you're writing all these down. And also let me know which one so far has been the biggest key for you. And the biggest takeaway from this episode, leave a comment below, let me know. Please, if you haven't yet, click the like button on this video right now and subscribe to this channel. We're close to five million subscribers here on YouTube and on this channel.

• 51:29Lewis Howes?

  If you're listening, you can go to Apple Podcasts, leave a review or Spotify as well. If you want to listen, because this is number seven. Success equals happiness. Have you ever heard this? Success equals happiness? Well, this advice can be misleading. Because if you chase success, thinking it will bring happiness, you'll get everything except peace. Poo. Let me say this one more time for the people who are not listening fully. If you chase success, thinking it will bring happiness, you'll get everything except peace. Success isn't worth it if you're miserable.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  Once you get there. And I love this quote from Jim Carrey. He said, I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of. So they can see that it's not the answer. Man, good old Jim Carrey. For 12 plus years, I've been wanting Jim Carrey to sit here across from me and talk more about his spiritual philosophy, his personal philosophy of life. I just think he's gone through such an incredible career. So many different highs and lows and ups and downs. And he has just learned so much wisdom. And one day, my intention and vision is to have him sitting here across from me, giving some incredible wisdom for you. So if you or you know anyone that is connected to him,

• 52:58Lewis Howes?

  feel free to reach out to me, email through the website, lewishouse.com, or you can DM me and let me know. And make an introduction to someone on his team, because I'd love to have Jim Carrey on this show. Success isn't the destination. Alignment is. And that's something you need to be thinking about in your life. Am I only seeking success? If you're doing it from a place that is out of alignment, then you'll never be happy when you reach the destination. Alignment should be the key. The flawed advice here is that achieving success will automatically lead to happiness. I'm telling you, it won't. I have accomplished so many things that I wanted to accomplish.

• 53:42Lewis Howes?

  Because I was really good all my life of setting goals. Taking the action, doing a lot of work and accomplishing the goals. And it doesn't mean I'm not grateful and happy that I accomplished those things. But there are so many times when I accomplished goals that I was almost like miserable and depressed almost minutes after I accomplished them. And some of these things would be like five, 10 year goals that I was just training for, trying to make happen. And then all of a sudden, boom, reached the goal and oh, I thought I'm supposed to feel something differently. You've heard this a million times from people. It's not necessarily going to make you feel something. You might have a night or a day where you're like celebrating, great.

• 54:27Lewis Howes?

  But then the next day you wake up and you say, uh huh. Why do I still feel sad? Why do I still feel not good enough? Why do I still feel unlovable? Why do I still feel like I don't have the approval of people in my life? Why do I still haven't reached some level of feeling that I want to feel? Well, the reality is achievement looks good, but fulfillment feels good. And they're not the same. Let me repeat that for you. Achievement looks good. Fulfillment feels good. They are not the same. An example for you is a, a person can achieve career milestones, but feels empty due to collecting personal relationships, never showing up for their partner, never showing up for their kid,

• 55:12Lewis Howes?

  or they've neglected their health and therefore they're obese and they don't feel good in their own body. So they've worked very hard to accomplish this goal, but they've neglected something else. So I want you to define your personal values and align goals accordingly to find true alignment. And that doesn't mean you're always going to be content and happy, you know, no matter what. But when you're in alignment, God, you can wake up every single day and you can look up in the sky and just say, and I'm blessed to have another day to be alive. Because I'm in alignment with the flow of what I'm meant to do of this chapter, this season. And I'm in that pursuit. And whether you accomplish the goals or not is kind of irrelevant.

• 55:58Lewis Howes?

  It's more about, am I becoming and being and living in accordance to who I want to be every single day? Not meaning you're gonna be perfect, you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna hurt yourself, you're gonna hurt other people. Like, these things are gonna happen. And you get to take responsibility for these things as well and amend relationships and apologize and own responsibility for the things that you do. But it's about, am I living my life in accordance to my values and being in alignment to it the best that I can? We're all human beings, we're gonna make mistakes. But am I doing it to the best? And if so, can I wake up and say, man, I'm grateful to be here.

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  What an opportunity to live another day, to have another shot, to have another experience, to connect, to create, to add value, and to be of service. That's the most important thing. Key number seven is success equals happiness. This can be misleading. These are seven keys that we just provided for you. And this popular life advice keeps a lot of people miserable when they believe in these things. There's context to everything. Sure, these lessons can be valuable with the right context. But I want you to have the other side of them, of the context for each one of these keys.

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  And make sure that you're living in alignment and accordance with the values you have and you're living on purpose. And your purpose may shift from season to season, relationship to relationship. Things are gonna change and that's normal. It's okay. And it's also okay to feel lost, to feel sadness when things happen. I hope these seven keys have added value to you. Let me know below which key added the most value, which you want, you wanna lean into more, which one you need more support with, or any comment or thought that you have. I'm so grateful for you. I hope this has added value for you. My intention is to serve you at the highest level possible with empowering, positive, science-backed content.

• 58:06Lewis Howes?

  We are here to surf. I'm grateful for my team, Team Greatness, who continues to show up and add value for you as well. And I want you to know that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And I cannot wait to see you until the next video. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and

• 58:48Lewis Howes?

  leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.