How To Be Single | Relationships 104

Jonny & Yusef from PropaneFitness.com join me again for the final instalment in our Relationships Series as we tackle the most murky topic of all - how to be single. Expect to learn our top red flags to look out for in a potential partner, why Tinder is a waste of time and how demonstrating value through dance moves can be just as good as having an impressive Instagram account. With great power comes great responsibility - please use The Funnel with the respect it deserves. Extra Stuff: Relationships 101 - https://youtu.be/Sm4lIGLmYEE Relationships 102 - https://youtu.be/O9FA4uJj_pM Relationships 103 - https://youtu.be/8KPoKkNty-A - Video & production by Dean Hindmarch https://www.deanhindmarch.com/ https://www.instagram.com/deanhindmarch - Listen to all episodes online. Search "Modern Wisdom" on any Podcast App or click here: iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/modern-wisdom/id1347973549 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0XrOqvxlqQI6bmdYHuIVnr?si=iUpczE97SJqe1kNdYBipnw Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/modern-wisdom - I want to hear from you!! Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Email: [email protected]

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jonny?

  What about you guys? Do you think there's any other things to look out for, red flags with men?

• 0:04Speaker 01

  So the, the, the main thing is how do they talk about their ex? Or if they have any generalisations about women as a whole? If you have someone who it just seems bitter about all women.

• 0:14Jonny?

  So, so that was one. Second one was similar to what you said of just ask them how, I ask them about their mother. If they're very caring and speak very fondly of their mother, chances are.

• 0:23Chris Williamson?

  Good to women generally.

• 0:24Jonny?

  Yeah, chances are.

• 0:25Chris Williamson?

  That's a, that's a really, really good test. I think I need to be very careful today. So the, the, the reason that Tinder is bad is because it immediately brands whatever interaction you are having with the person under the guise of Tinder. Like, how did you meet? Oh, we met on Tinder. That's the guy from Tinder. You are rated below anybody, even the worst person who comes through on any other preferential medium. The worst person on Instagram is rated above the best person on Tinder. As my dad would say with regards to the Tinder thing, you're looking for a streak of piss in a pile of shit.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  See, I was gonna say diamond in the rough, but I think, I think.

• 1:04Chris Williamson?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Johnny and Yusef from propanefitness.com. And it is finally time for Relationships 104.

• 1:14Jonny?

  The funnel.

• 1:15Chris Williamson?

  The Insta, including the Instagram funnel. This is the episode which is most likely to get me in trouble and make people cross.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  To Russell Jimmy's.

• 1:25Jonny?

  Do you think because we're revealing the funnel, the funnel will work better or worse as a result?

• 1:30Chris Williamson?

  I think I need to be very careful today. No, I did.

• 1:34Jonny?

  I think we should go full Louis through and just ask him about it.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Fine.

• 1:39Chris Williamson?

  So tell us about.

• 1:41Jonny?

  Some people would say, Chris, that this is a very insensitive way of approaching relationships. What would you say to this people?

• 1:46Speaker 01

  I think the funnel is going to be more effective as it. Because people go, oh my God, I'm in the funnel.

• 1:51Chris Williamson?

  I, I don't think. Anyway, so Relationships 101, 102 and 103 all charted in the top 50 worldwide on iTunes. So thank you very much. Make sure that you share this episode because we want to do the same again.

• 2:06Jonny?

  You know, and you just think like, what did I say on those episodes?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Chris is like celebrating, we're just, oh God.

• 2:12Chris Williamson?

  Well, you've just got severe potential regret.

• 2:17Chris Williamson?

  Like you don't know what you said.

• 2:18Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 2:19Chris Williamson?

  Anyway, so we talked about um setting rules and guidelines in a relationship, how to find a good partner. Then we spoke about uh cheating um and how to get over relationships. And today it's how to be single.

• 2:36Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 2:37Chris Williamson?

  In this room.

• 2:37Jonny?

  So it's anti-relationships one O one.

• 2:39Chris Williamson?

  No, because like how to be single includes, I guess, screening for potential partners.

• 2:45Jonny?

  So we're in we're in lead gen acquisition and the rest was operations product delivery.

• 2:49Chris Williamson?

  Yes, exactly. That's exactly correct.

• 2:51Jonny?

  This is front end.

• 2:52Chris Williamson?

  It is. Well, this is this is you all over, apart from the fact that in.

• 2:55Jonny?

  But you.

• 2:56Chris Williamson?

  But somehow also, I mean, yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  So the assumption is being single doesn't mean choosing the hermit life.

• 3:02Chris Williamson?

  Hmm.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  It means single with with lead acquisition.

• 3:06Jonny?

  A acquisition.

• 3:08Chris Williamson?

  Not necessarily. Well, yeah, the goal of acquisition, but what you turn that acquisition into. Is it long term business? Is it short term business?

• 3:15Jonny?

  Got it.

• 3:16Chris Williamson?

  Is it single transaction?

• 3:18Jonny?

  So are we assuming? So is the funnel mainly good for short term stuff?

• 3:24Chris Williamson?

  Look, so the the the funnel, the funnel that we're going to bring up in a little bit is is not all that this podcast is going to be about.

• 3:33Jonny?

  So that so that quiz is intensely disappointing.

• 3:37Chris Williamson?

  Right, I will explain because everyone's going to be wondering what the fuck is an Instagram funnel. I've been thinking about this.

• 3:42Jonny?

  Actually, let's not tell them. We'll just keep it. We'll just keep it.

• 3:46Chris Williamson?

  Just open loop. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna get out of the way.

• 3:49Jonny?

  All right.

• 3:50Chris Williamson?

  So I've been thinking about this for ages because I knew that it was gonna it was gonna happen.

• 3:53Jonny?

  All right.

• 3:54Chris Williamson?

  Um.

• 3:56Chris Williamson?

  An Instagram funnel is a particular way to do lead generation for dating. Now, the way that I've kind of tried to conceptualize it.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Can we define a lead?

• 4:08Jonny?

  I was just about to ask that and then I thought, no, best not interrupt.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Is it full flow?

• 4:12Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, no, no, you you define a lead.

• 4:16Chris Williamson?

  New customer, it's okay, it's new customer acquisition.

• 4:19Jonny?

  Got it.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  It's it's pre customer. So a lead is someone who is within your circle sphere of awareness, but hasn't yet bought something from you. The reason we're thinking in these terms is because we've been very much in the depths of rearranging our product offering from multiple small, cheap offerings compared to five or 10 high end.

• 4:40Chris Williamson?

  I should clarify that you're talking about internet marketing, not dating.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  We are talking about internet marketing, but there are many great parallels.

• 4:48Chris Williamson?

  Loads of parallels.

• 4:49Jonny?

  It's the first level of expressing some kind of interest.

• 4:51Chris Williamson?

  So I mean, what are the only two things that you need to do in internet marketing really when it comes to front end? You want lead gen and conversions. Am I right?

• 4:58Jonny?

  That's it, that's all it is.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  So a lead would be a reader of your website or someone who is on your email list or someone who has seen your post on Facebook and then a customer is obviously someone who has paid you for something.

• 5:10Jonny?

  There's also a step between that, which is prospect. So lead, prospect, customer, client.

• 5:15Chris Williamson?

  Okay, well, I mean.

• 5:16Jonny?

  In this context, though, it's someone who's moved away, moved more towards engaging in with you with you in something, whatever, whatever that.

• 5:26Chris Williamson?

  I'm just gonna.

• 5:26Jonny?

  Whatever that may be.

• 5:27Chris Williamson?

  Let's reset. So the way that I've tried to conceptualize it is that everybody, you would be surprised by how many people are appropriate for you and how many people you are appropriate for, but you don't have sufficient exposure. And I think that a lot of that actually comes from simply presenting yourself to them in the best possible light. Now, for some people, they may be very good face to face, or they might be really good dancers, for instance. Like if you're a guy who's a good dancer or a girl who's a good dancer, you can walk into a nightclub and you'll lead Jenna your dance moves. Like because people are noticing that's the, yeah, that's exactly, Macarena.

• 6:08Jonny?

  Yeah, I've seen you stuff do some real damage with that.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, cleaning up.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  This one. Oh, nice.

• 6:21Chris Williamson?

  Um, so my point is that everybody needs a domain of competence in which they look like they have a particularly high degree of value. That basically gets you through the door. And I think what this leads on to quite nicely is my criticism about Tinder, which I think both of you guys know. And this is not a strategy that I use anymore, but it was one that I used about five years ago. And the way that is best, the way that I think is best to use Tinder is to.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  What's wrong with Tinder first?

• 6:53Chris Williamson?

  So the, the, the reason that Tinder is bad is because it immediately brands whatever interaction you are having with the person under the guise of Tinder. Like, how did you meet? Oh, we met on Tinder. That's the guy from Tinder. You are rated below anybody, even the worst person who comes through on any other preferential medium.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  You're starting the race with a broken ankle or like trying to sort of.

• 7:17Chris Williamson?

  Absolutely.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:18Chris Williamson?

  And it just mars the, the, the rest of the exchange because.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Through no fault of your own, but it's just because every other guy or girl that your prospect is seeing on Tinder is possibly a creep or is from a pool of people that, um, you, you can't send dick pics, can you? But, but there's that kind of thing where it's like you just get creeped on.

• 7:40Chris Williamson?

  As my dad, you don't, you don't go on Tinder to like have a casual conversation, do you? There's a, there's an end in mind. There is, there is, which that to itself is, is kind of good. But as my dad would say, with regards to the Tinder thing, you're looking for a streak of piss and a pile of shit.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  I see. I was gonna say diamond in the rough, but I think.

• 7:58Chris Williamson?

  Streak of piss and a pile of shit. So I think Tinder, Tinder really for that. So an alternative for this, and this particularly works well if you're going away on holiday. Again, I, I don't want to come across as the transactional sex guy. But if you need to try and find yourself some companionship when you're going away.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Bilateral prostitution guy.

• 8:13Chris Williamson?

  Bilateral prostitution guy. And if you need to find yourself some companionship while you're going away, I think this is an optimal strategy. So. Onto Tinder, you need to pay for Tinder Gold, then you need to be able to move your location to where it is that you're gonna go, pop yourself into there, determine your range, tighten the range in, so that you are well within taxi distance of wherever it is that you're staying, so you don't like, you're not gonna travel to the other side of god knows where. Then, as you're swiping through people, if there's someone that you find that you particularly like, you can scroll down, go to their Instagram, click through onto their Instagram, so it opens, DM them, send message, then go back onto Tinder, swipe left, so that they never see you, and never find out that you found them

• 8:57Chris Williamson?

  on Tinder, then continue the exchange on Instagram. Now, obviously, what all of this, that particular exchange is dependent on, is the fact that you have an Instagram which at least shows some form of value, and that works for both guys and girls.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  I think even if not, you still will come across as less of a creep, having an Instagram profile, an evidence of friends, or evidence of stuff.

• 9:20Chris Williamson?

  Absolutely, you know, you're immediately rated above the best person on Tinder, the worst person on Instagram is rated above the best person on Tinder.

• 9:26Jonny?

  So we've got in this, so I've been through that, I've done that with Tinder, I've got five or six people on Instagram. There's two problems now. One is, if my Instagram's just photos of me like that, then I'll probably struggle, but also I have to say the right things to them. So what should my Instagram feed look like?

• 9:44Chris Williamson?

  So I said this on the how to get on Love Island video, and it's that your Instagram particularly, because it's quite surface deep, quite transactional, very easy to see, it's visual, right? Like Twitter and Facebook's a little bit more nuanced, because it's microblogging, whereas when you're looking at Instagram, it's like window shopping.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Images.

• 10:05Chris Williamson?

  Right, yeah, exactly. So Instagram is absolutely no representation of your value, but it is a ubiquitous, internationally recognised form of social currency, and it does represent some degree of popularity. Now, that popularity might have been gained through the fact that you were once in a porno, or, do you know, like, any particular reason, or you were once part of a race scandal, god knows what it might be. But you can't.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  You were recently.

• 10:35Chris Williamson?

  Part of a race scandal.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  With the antisemitic stuff and.

• 10:39Chris Williamson?

  You're talking about Chris Williamson MP, yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 10:42Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  That was really good.

• 10:44Chris Williamson?

  That is. Yeah, so of all of the, of all of the politicians.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Straight into my head.

• 10:49Chris Williamson?

  Of all the politicians that I could share a name with.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I know, it's so unfortunate.

• 10:53Chris Williamson?

  I had to choose the one that started hating on Jews.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it doesn't happen very often that you get an antisemitic politician in the UK.

• 10:59Chris Williamson?

  But the problem is, he's been in the news like three times in the last eighteen months and all of them have been for bad reasons.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  There's a hashtag about, just hashtag Chris Williamson as well.

• 11:09Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, no, actually, nationwide.

• 11:11Jonny?

  You know, Paul.

• 11:12Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 11:12Jonny?

  So he got, someone got his Twitter handle, some, someone called Paul Charnock had done something in the US. Like something really criti- critical and stuff, like a UK journalist had said, started tagging Paul saying, I'm gonna write articles about this. So you do have to be careful with what you call yourself, what your birth name, and then you will.

• 11:33Chris Williamson?

  You need to be careful in advance. So, um, yeah, with regards to the Instagram thing, like I, I think that you do, people do need to think about the way that they come across online. Like as well, you might be someone from the old school who says, I prefer to meet people the old way. It's like, well, that's great, but you have to spend an awful lot of time out and about just looking. Versus how efficient you can be on your phone, especially the fact that you can essentially be dating. This is presuming again, presuming that somebody actually wants to find a partner. You can be dating on your lunch break, do you know what I mean? Browsing around, messaging people and putting in groundwork, so to speak, so that you, you know, progress whatever relationship it is.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Compared to the nineties where you'd go out to a coffee shop and just speak to people on your lunch break. Well, I mean, it's like, that's the, the interesting thing as well, just on the note of like, the, the image that you're creating on Instagram. Is what you said about like, if there's multiple photos of them, just like, because I think there is no greater creep stamp than a photo of someone in the house on their own. Because it's just like.

• 12:38Chris Williamson?

  Or a series of photos of one person in lots of different locations.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, you you see some people that all of their profile, you see this on Facebook, like people, their profile photos, they've got ten. And it's always just them either in their room or in different places.

• 12:52Chris Williamson?

  Slightly sullen.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Slightly, yeah.

• 12:54Chris Williamson?

  Unhappy at life. It's like a magazine, isn't it, or a brochure of you. But again, like this is, you know, someone could say, well, that, you know, fucking, I'm not using my Instagram as a shop window for me, that like, that's fine. But you need to concede that if Instagram was part of your lead generation, that which you're, which, well, which it can be. Like, again, good dancer, fine, you don't need to do Instagram, you can do whatever. But if you want to give yourself, obviously, you know, eighty twenty, it cover all of the bases to a degree. And it's not hard to have a a good outward representation of yourself. So, yeah, like the photos of you pushing your mate down the street in a trolley pissed or like you battered at your grand's eightieth, like they'd probably keep them off. Um, and stick to the ones that are well lit and. Okay.

• 13:39Chris Williamson?

  Look nice. So I my main point here and the whole thing really about the Instagram, the Instagram funnel is just that. You want to have some form of um high immediate value that other people can interpret. And I think the reason that Instagram has become this really interesting um social currency. Is that it is a game that almost everybody's playing. So it's the same as when you watch the Olympics, you watch Usain Bolt and you watch how fast he runs. Everybody has run, pretty much everybody has run. And you're like, holy fucking shit, I've done something similar to that and he is the best in the world at it.

• 14:22Chris Williamson?

  The same as when you watch people that are really strong, people watch like strongest mans on every um Christmas, right? Like prime time, Channel Five, because everyone looks a big stone and goes, fucking hell. Like, I I tried to, I tried to pick up the shop in the other day and it was really heavy. So those people are competing within a domain that other people can interpret.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  The conversation in the office, Johnny, how much do you lift?

• 14:46Jonny?

  Three hundred.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Three hundred.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Is that, that's like three hundred bags of sugar.

• 14:53Chris Williamson?

  I always get at Christmas, I always get like, how much can you do on that?

• 14:57Jonny?

  How much can you do on that?

• 15:01Chris Williamson?

  I'm not strong man. I don't weigh two hundred kilos. I don't use a lot of anabolic's. I'm, I'm not on T V. Not that, not that much in comparison. Like, oh, go on, how much?

• 15:13Jonny?

  You can give them any number. You, you can say.

• 15:15Chris Williamson?

  Ten thousand.

• 15:18Jonny?

  Understood.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  That's like three of me.

• 15:20Chris Williamson?

  So because I have an Instagram.

• 15:22Jonny?

  Yep.

• 15:22Chris Williamson?

  And I have four hundred followers. And I see someone's Instagram that has five thousand followers and lots of really polished photos. It's like, wow, this person.

• 15:33Jonny?

  Good shop window.

• 15:34Chris Williamson?

  Therefore is popular.

• 15:36Jonny?

  Well, you've got so, it's social proofing.

• 15:38Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, right. And uh, this comes back to kind of the first thing that I said, which I think is really virtuous, actually. That a lot of people would make fantastic potential partners. The only problem is that you're not giving them the chance.

• 15:51Jonny?

  It's the marketing.

• 15:52Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, they, they, they're, they're literally, they're literally just marketing themselves poorly, or maybe you're marketing yourself poorly. So it's like, right, well, if you present yourself online in the best possible way, and if everyone else does as well. Then you're giving yourself the best chance of being accepted by whoever, whichever potential partners it is that you want to get.

• 16:11Jonny?

  I suppose all Tinder's doing by allowing photos and content on there is a, is a, almost like a template of like, look, fill this in. Fill it, fill the best stuff in, and this is a mini version of Instagram, isn't it? And everyone has that. But that's all in the context of I've created this to try and get a date or get laid.

• 16:31Chris Williamson?

  Well, because the least sexy thing about any exchange between two single people is one of them. Obviously knowing that the other one's after them. And Tinder precludes that immediately.

• 16:43Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 16:45Chris Williamson?

  Does that make sense? Like it just chops off at the knees, any coyness about the exchange? Does that, how the fuck are we, like you, we both know why we're on here.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Which is good for the very utilitarian, like, I haven't got time for any nonsense, people where they're just like, right, okay.

• 17:01Chris Williamson?

  I get that.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Power off and.

• 17:03Chris Williamson?

  Even with that, in the exchanges backwards and forwards that you have on Tinder, they tend to be so like vapid.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  That's why everyone's like, you see the, the whole, oh, I'm just on here as a joke, like, oh, just not really ser-, like people trying to qualify that. They're not really that serious about it, to try and communicate that.

• 17:21Chris Williamson?

  In short, Tinder should only be used for lead gen, get them onto Instagram, then use that for lead conversion. Okay, there we go. Um, when it comes to that, like really, to be honest, that is about as far as the Instagram funnel goes, like. There's no secret script to converting from, from there.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  I bet there is.

• 17:40Chris Williamson?

  There is a, there isn't, there is an upsell available in the show notes, but there isn't, not yet. Um, but. Uh, really, you just need to develop some degree of charm online, like that.

• 17:52Jonny?

  So, so here are some quite, maybe quite cold questions. So how many, how many?

• 18:00Jonny?

  People, leads, does it take to get someone to have a meeting off Instagram? Now, I realise your numbers may be better than the average person, but is, are we, because obviously Tinder, like. If I'm on there, I have an expectation that at some point someone's going to want to meet me off Tinder, right? So I'm, let's say, there's a, I don't know.

• 18:20Chris Williamson?

  Low, so on Instagram.

• 18:21Jonny?

  One in ten, am I going to expect one in twenty, one thirty on Instagram?

• 18:24Chris Williamson?

  On Instagram, it would be lower leads, uh, lower volume leads, high volume conversions, but you need to screen more carefully because not everyone's single.

• 18:32Jonny?

  Right.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  What are the factors that influence conversion? So you, you've mentioned total number of followers. Photos with good lighting.

• 18:39Jonny?

  Feed.

• 18:40Chris Williamson?

  And then just literally just compatibility. So I think really it's we can try and create this semi autistic framework for.

• 18:47Jonny?

  Fully autistic.

• 18:48Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, fine. Yeah, fully automated. Um, we can try and create this kind of framework for it, but like.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  I can feel the YouTube comments already, like on the last one, you're comparing women to the second hand car market. No, we're not comparing women to the second car market. Comparing relationships.

• 19:03Chris Williamson?

  Women and men.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Like you've inserted.

• 19:04Jonny?

  Absolutely valid.

• 19:05Chris Williamson?

  Yeah. Um, but yeah, like you, I don't think that there is really much that can be done.

• 19:12Jonny?

  So I suppose what I'm what I'm getting at with the question is, um, if you stand in a supermarket and try and sell people something. Versus if you go around and knock on people's doors and try and sell people something, it's a different experience because one of them, I'm there to buy things. The other one is like, I'm in my home, piss off. Like if I'm just on my Instagram and someone messages me, because Tinder is very much like the Facebook feed where once upon a time, it was just people posting foot like photos themselves. Now to get attention, it's like attention, blah, blah, you know, fake new shit because we're trying to get attention. So people open with stupid shit on Tinder and, and you know, have all these attention grabbing headlines. That's what they used to on Tinder. You obviously can't do that on Instagram.

• 19:55Chris Williamson?

  Hmm.

• 19:55Jonny?

  Or if you try to, you're going to be like, I'm going to ring the police because people aren't expecting that on Instagram. They're expecting like, hey, how are you?

• 20:03Chris Williamson?

  The other thing as well to consider is that no, I don't think anyone really can have too many friends. And just by messaging someone, you might actually end up making a good connection.

• 20:12Jonny?

  There is a number, isn't there? There is a, there is a.

• 20:14Chris Williamson?

  Dunbar's Dunbar's Dunbar's number two fifty.

• 20:17Jonny?

  Of like how many friendships people can actually maintain.

• 20:19Chris Williamson?

  It's supposed to be how many um connections, interplayed connections between different social actors within your consciousness you can hold on to at one time. And that's supposed to be the upper limit of what our tribe size would have been when we were nomadic people.

• 20:32Jonny?

  Right.

• 20:33Chris Williamson?

  Moving around. But having spoken to William Von Hippel, um, who is like king big dick on this.

• 20:38Jonny?

  Makes like a raspy ripple.

• 20:41Chris Williamson?

  He didn't, he didn't have any.

• 20:42Jonny?

  Didn't know.

• 20:43Chris Williamson?

  Um, he, uh.

• 20:46Chris Williamson?

  He said that realistic upper, upper um bound was fifty. Because if you've got a tribe of two fifty, people at the bottom have no chance of rising to the top. So they just splinter off and make their own. Um, it's too big.

• 20:58Jonny?

  So you have multiple fifty size.

• 20:59Chris Williamson?

  It's around about that. It would appear that between kind of twenty and fifty was more realistic. But yeah, I mean, also any promoters that are listening, you know that that's bollocks. Like I'm able to, in my heyday, I was able to have like a thousand people and.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  That's, that's when you're pushing it and you're, you're like, you have to start creating systems to maintain this. But so apparently as well, off the back of the two fifty thing. Seeing a friend or touching base with someone every fourteen days apparently is the, the minimum interval that you need. To maintain a friendship.

• 21:32Chris Williamson?

  Imagine if Johnny went really hard on his digital detox, that's thirty days, we're no longer friends. If you do, if you do Cal Newport's digital detox, we're no longer friends.

• 21:39Jonny?

  No friends, we're no friends by the end of it.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  But it's not, it's not one strike and you're out. I, I feel like if you.

• 21:44Chris Williamson?

  No, it is.

• 21:44Jonny?

  Well, it's not fourteen days, is it?

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I'll have to have a word with raspy ripple.

• 21:54Jonny?

  Maybe he's had any raspy ripple yet.

• 21:55Chris Williamson?

  So anyway, so I'm, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go back to just more now we've moved on from the Instagram funnel, fuck.

• 22:02Jonny?

  And we just have more of that.

• 22:03Chris Williamson?

  No, no more Instagram funnel, you, you just like this because it's like internet marketing.

• 22:07Jonny?

  No, I like it because it's what everybody wants to know. So anybody who's seen.

• 22:15Jonny?

  I don't know how much I can say.

• 22:16Chris Williamson?

  Previous episodes of this.

• 22:19Jonny?

  So you're, you're, you're a popular guy with women, yeah?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Uh, Yusuf and I have, have observed.

• 22:33Jonny?

  So, and, and I imagine other people will have, will have observed that.

• 22:38Chris Williamson?

  Uh huh.

• 22:38Jonny?

  So.

• 22:41Chris Williamson?

  I'm watching you fight against the binds of an invisible corridor maze.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  I don't know what I'm afraid of because as soon as I say the wrong thing, it'll just get axed. So, but yeah, so that that's what people want to know. Like if I I'm a I'm a single guy or a single girl and I I'm.

• 23:00Chris Williamson?

  Single twenty one year old horn horn laden man that just wants.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Or or woman.

• 23:05Chris Williamson?

  A woman.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  A woman.

• 23:06Chris Williamson?

  Come on.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Come on, don't be.

• 23:08Chris Williamson?

  Everybody gets everybody gets horny.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  So and and I'm struggling with Tinder, I'm having crap results and this is Relationships one oh four.

• 23:17Chris Williamson?

  How to be single.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Pro edition, how to be single.

• 23:18Chris Williamson?

  How to be single.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  But how to be single.

• 23:20Chris Williamson?

  I want the method. How to be single doesn't simply exist online. Like, I think that, again, the synopsis of this first section is, in my opinion, that you need to try and find a domain of competence or a domain i- in which you represent or you present as much value as is possible as quickly as is possible. And that means, like, if you like CrossFit girls, let's say, let's say that you like really fit girls, if you get.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  All men.

• 23:49Chris Williamson?

  From now on.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Does this apply to, in in seriousness, do do you think this domain of competence and the social proofing strategy applies as much in both ways? Like, do you, because I remember you asked Raspberry Ripple this, which was, are.

• 24:03Chris Williamson?

  The Ripper.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Is, yeah, like, is social status as much of a coveted feature in male to female attraction as it is for female to male?

• 24:13Chris Williamson?

  So I think, as we've said in the previous episodes, the typical uh, direction of uh, the protagonist dialogue goes male to female. Uh, males tend to be the actors and females are like the maidens, right? Like, that's just typical.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 24:28Chris Williamson?

  Um, so I think girls essentially just get better conversions on everything. They're just better at lead gen, they're better at conversions, like, because if.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  At the initial stage.

• 24:39Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, now, m- moving forward in relationships is, they actually, that probably gets reversed.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 24:45Chris Williamson?

  Um, so you can have a wider initial market, but then actually converting them into a proper boyfriend, a go- a proper boyfriend as a girl is probably going to be a little bit more difficult.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Ra- rationally speaking.

• 24:55Chris Williamson?

  Hmm.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Statistically speaking, you would assume that's because.

• 25:00Jonny?

  Just getting all the prefaces in there. You would assume that that's because women receive more propositions than men.

• 25:07Chris Williamson?

  Yes.

• 25:07Jonny?

  So like if if a man receives five propositions a year and he knows he's gonna gonna receive five propositions a year, he's probably gonna say yes quite a lot of them. Which would suggest that women have, that's why.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Because the bottleneck is wide at one point and narrow at the other and a flip foot.

• 25:20Jonny?

  Whereas if if women receive fifty a year, they can afford to be more selective without going through periods of.

• 25:25Chris Williamson?

  I also think that that is genetically just the way that we tend to be wide as well.

• 25:29Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 25:30Chris Williamson?

  That men will go uh wide and shallow and women will go narrow and deep.

• 25:34Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 25:34Chris Williamson?

  Um but yeah, so I think, like I say, to to bookend that, you need to try and find some domain within which you present value and also yourself in the best possible light. Uh like I say, if you like girls do CrossFit, like get really good at CrossFit and spend some time in a CrossFit gym. Like, if you if you get really good at CrossFit and you rise to the top of the people within your gym, you are presenting yourself in with a lot of value in a domain which they are competing in.

• 26:00Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 26:01Chris Williamson?

  The reason that I think, or the reason that I'm proposing that Instagram is a a fruitful avenue for a lot of people to do is it's a domain that almost everyone competes in.

• 26:12Jonny?

  Agreed.

• 26:12Chris Williamson?

  Everyone understands what a thousand followers and ten thousand followers and a hundred thousand followers and this particular kind of image and et cetera, et cetera, this many likes on a photo. Again, these aren't like judgments on your genuine value. But the point is.

• 26:26Speaker 01

  They're a metric which allow a quick judgment.

• 26:29Chris Williamson?

  Exactly. And all you're doing is getting yourself across in the best possible way.

• 26:33Jonny?

  Also, if if you take the the average twenty something who's left uni now works a job, maybe goes to the gym or CrossFit or something, goes out on the weekend, struggles to meet someone they like in a club. There's no one they like at work. Like, where are you gonna find that person? Cause.

• 26:49Chris Williamson?

  Big question.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  I think this is a big trap that people are stuck in, the same routines.

• 26:53Jonny?

  You've maybe had a relationship at uni that failed or is no longer there. You're looking, you're moving in your late twenties, looking for someone to settle down with, but like, who is that person? So it's how do you find that? And that's why Tinder or that's why these services become an option. Because how do you, you just need to be in contact with more people, don't you?

• 27:10Chris Williamson?

  It's difficult. It's difficult, man. Um so, yeah, that's that's that section, I suppose. I think what, yeah, exactly. Thank fuck for that.

• 27:20Chris Williamson?

  Um, what I wanted to kind of move on to was just strategies really for being careful about who you actually choose to date. So.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Red flags.

• 27:31Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, big, big fat red flags. Anyone who is, I mean. We're just walking through a minefield. It's, it's delicate, right? But whatever, like, fuck it. People, people get cross at us all the time. Yeah. It's fun. My, my DMs are open as always. Fun. Um, you just get dropped in the funnel. If you message about it, all that's gonna happen is. Before you know you want to date with Chris and you don't even know why.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  So I think for safety, the, the first thing to do is to identify red flags in our own gender. And then, and also what we haven't done is gay one O one or gay.

• 28:04Chris Williamson?

  We're waiting, we're waiting on, um, I've got a couple of potential good eloquent.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  That I'm excited for that because.

• 28:10Chris Williamson?

  I just want, I'd like to learn more about it. I want to know how you know if you're a bummer or a bummy. Yeah. That's a question. Everybody wants that, is that a conversation? Like, is that, do they have a frank conversation about it? I think that there must be some form of written agreement. Like a waiver? I don't know.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Or do you get assigned?

• 28:28Chris Williamson?

  I know. So you told us that it was this bottom or top thing, right? Was it you that told us this?

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Well, that, that's.

• 28:33Chris Williamson?

  Grinder.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  That, oh, whether they list themselves as one.

• 28:36Chris Williamson?

  That would be a cover.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  I don't know if the developers have put like a field in the, in the profile.

• 28:40Chris Williamson?

  They should do.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  But, yeah, it would make.

• 28:42Chris Williamson?

  You can't get, but you can't get. You can do both. Why can't you do both? And I don't know. I find that bizarre. I mean, if you, the thing is as well, if you do get that and you have two bottoms.

• 28:52Chris Williamson?

  Nothing happens?

• 28:53Speaker 01

  It's like two negative polarities on a magnet.

• 28:56Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, exactly. It's just pushed apart. Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  If you're trying to push the.

• 29:00Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, it's not gonna work. Um, so I think some things I can think of that you should be careful of if you're a girl looking to date a guy. Especially, so let's presume that this is you actually starting to like prospecting with the potential that this might turn into something more as opposed to simply being purely transactional. Like if it's simply being transactional, make sure that you're safe, obviously.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 29:25Chris Williamson?

  Like do maybe a bit of some form of background checking. If you're going around to the house, tell your friends where you're going. Like if you're going for the first time. Taser. Taser, yeah, um, pepper spray.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  So sign up with Experian Pro. You can run credit checks on other people.

• 29:38Chris Williamson?

  Wow.

• 29:41Chris Williamson?

  He let your test in.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  No, I, I think that's illegal actually to run a credit check.

• 29:49Chris Williamson?

  Um, so.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Just a bad joke, just to clarify.

• 29:53Chris Williamson?

  With regards to that, like, just choose someone you're attracted to, basically. Um, but, uh, yeah, if you're looking for a little bit more as a girl, I think a really good question to ask a guy is, when was your last relationship? And if there.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Do you want it to be recent or not?

• 30:09Chris Williamson?

  You just want it to exist. It's just data, isn't it?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:11Chris Williamson?

  Like, if it's, if it was, if it was, I would say, if it was within the last month, or more than the la- more than five years ago.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  So if it was when they're nine, is that I held hands with my, with my girlfriend?

• 30:23Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  At nine years old.

• 30:24Chris Williamson?

  And if it was. Eject, eject.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Eject.

• 30:26Chris Williamson?

  And if it was nine hours ago.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Uh, it was some eject.

• 30:29Chris Williamson?

  Well, it's a Thursday. There's a Goldilocks. Nine, nine. Yeah. Older than nine years old, but further, further away. Than nine hours ago. There we go, the rule of nine. There's your sweet spot. Be the rule of nine. Um, so I think that's, what about you guys? Do you think there's any other things to look out for? Red flags with men?

• 30:44Speaker 01

  So the, the, the main thing is, and this goes for both, how do they talk about their ex? And yes, there is a chance that their ex was this massive psycho that, that, but even then, there's a level of tact and class that if someone just downplays it or doesn't tend to go on about it. Or if they have any generalizations about women as a whole, if you have someone who, um, it just seems bitter about, about all women, like that's another.

• 31:14Chris Williamson?

  Like he reads loads of red pill stuff.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, particularly, but red, red.

• 31:18Chris Williamson?

  If he's got any Rollo Tomasi books.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Right, I don't know who that is.

• 31:21Chris Williamson?

  I don't know what any of that is. What's a red, what's a red?

• 31:23Speaker 01

  So red, red pill.

• 31:24Chris Williamson?

  Who's Rollo, man?

• 31:25Speaker 01

  There's, there's two new kind of online movements for people. Is it, is it like three? So you've heard of incels? That was in the news recently, like.

• 31:31Chris Williamson?

  Involuntary celibates.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  People who are celibate, but not through their own choice. So they've, they've basically, they're virgins and they want to not be virgins, but nobody will have sex with them. And so they then funnel that into this bitterness for all women. And then they're the they're the kind of people that you see the occasional like ambassador of the incels that does like one of the school shootings and you know that kind of thing. So it's quite a dark hole. Red pill is a similar, I'm probably like if anyone's.

• 31:59Chris Williamson?

  Matrix related. So the red, the red, red pill, red pill, as far, as far as I'm aware, is a equivalent male opposition to the feminist movement, which puts a kind of male values first. Right. And it's exactly that. It's taking the red pill instead of taking the blue pill. So that you see through the facade of what the games, it's specifically like games like hypergamy, like female hypergamy, dating up and across, like things like that. And these guys tend to use pick apart history strategy and they have quite militant ideas about how you should deal with women and stuff like that. Like Roland Tomasi's book, The Rational Male, one of the rules that he has in that is never let the woman be in charge of the

• 32:43Chris Williamson?

  childbirth. So it's basically like, if you're not using a condom, you're a fucking idiot. If you're another one of his iron rules, so he's got, I think it's 10 iron rules. One of the iron rules is never live with a woman unless you plan to marry within the next six months. And a whole bunch of other ones. So it's quite a very, very hard lined male first perspective, which its core is just protecting men from being hurt by women. But actually ends up manifesting itself as men just being really fucking bitter, like crazy, crazy bitter. I mean, if you just, if you want to go and have a read of this, like Ilimitable Man is a pretty good example of this. And in that, there's this dark triad

• 33:27Chris Williamson?

  of, have you read this?

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Is he the one who wrote the article about monk mode?

• 33:32Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, which is fucking great.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  So it's really, basically, it's, it was this blog, blog post that I think you were joining, and it's about like how, how to focus in your life. And it was like, do monk mode for a few months.

• 33:45Chris Williamson?

  Uh, I think.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  You know, like.

• 33:46Chris Williamson?

  Isolation intensity.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Shut out social media. Yeah. And it was all about like basically productivity tips and how to like really double down. And it's like, oh, great. I wonder what else this guy's so good.

• 33:56Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, you just open up this Pandora's box of like, you need to develop psychopathy, like.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Narcissism.

• 34:04Chris Williamson?

  Narcissism. And this is something else, the dark triad of like these things. So anyway, to, to move away from that, like, you were saying.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  The three movements, yeah, so we have red pill, we have incels. And there's another one called M G T O W, men going their own way.

• 34:25Jonny?

  The level of knowledge that you two have about this shit.

• 34:27Chris Williamson?

  Spend a lot of time on the internet.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  It's yeah, it's Twitter, there's a few of these characters on Twitter that like.

• 34:33Jonny?

  Okay.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, and it's, I think.

• 34:36Jonny?

  So, so to summarise these movements, it's, it's kind of a very extreme masculine.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Reactionary, quite, quite woman hating approach to, so, cause I think.

• 34:48Jonny?

  So presumably you wouldn't find yourself on a date with someone like this anyway.

• 34:51Chris Williamson?

  No, that you, you, you might do.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I don't know how common it is.

• 34:54Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, it's definitely, well, with an incel, like not because as soon as that happens.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  They've left the house.

• 34:59Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, they're out, they're out. So, but I just think your point there was be careful about the sort of blogs that they read and the books that they talk about. And if they have this kind of overarching woman hating rhetoric that they put across.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Exactly. And, and I suppose the problem is it's not, it, it may be subtle or it may be, it may be overt, but um. That's, you know, and it may be also directed towards a woman in their life. If they talk about their mother in a bad way or their ex, then.

• 35:29Chris Williamson?

  I like the fact that you said that there's a degree of class with which you should be speaking about your, your exes. I mean, especially early on as well, like if it's, because we're talking before you're in even anything that's seen someone. Like within the first, first few dates, are you speaking to them online or having a phone call or a FaceTime with them or whatever it might be. If one of the openers is that fucking bitch. Like if that's, if that fucking bitch ever comes up, then I think just exit immediately.

• 35:58Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 35:58Chris Williamson?

  Block.

• 35:59Jonny?

  Get out.

• 35:59Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, exactly. Which is also another good thing about Instagram, just block.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  So that, yeah, there's no upside to talking ill of someone that you're no longer with. But also, even if they were terrible, even if they were truly objectively terrible. And you talk about them neutrally, civilly and respectfully, that can only reflect well on you.

• 36:22Chris Williamson?

  Um.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  So.

• 36:23Chris Williamson?

  Whatever you're signaling to the other person, they're never gonna go really fancied him because of how badly he talks about his ex.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:30Chris Williamson?

  And if you're a guy who does have residual feelings about their ex, then use this as a a a good canary in the coal mine and just. Don't don't mention it. Like, if you can't, like, the old adage, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Cause there there might be some people, it's it's the whole, like, does protest too much, but also there might be some people that be trying to do it almost like. Try and prove that, oh, no, I'm over her because I hate her, but even then, hate is quite a is quite a strong emotion and so you still think.

• 36:56Chris Williamson?

  The absolute ultimate way, and George McGill tweeted something about this a few months ago. And it was like, the ultimate way to prove that you that you're over somebody is indifference.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Um hum.

• 37:08Chris Williamson?

  It's exactly what you want. You want to see them walk by in the street and feel nothing, no bitterness and no happiness, like just.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  It's a test to see if you're you're rebound as well, isn't it? Like, if someone is. Speaking quite emotively and aggressively about their previous relationship, chances are it's not fully out there, out the tubes yet. Cause if you are the rebound, you're you're not, they're not seeing you for you, they're just. You're just getting in in entangled in a previous relationship.

• 37:36Chris Williamson?

  I mean, you know, we both, all all of us know people who appear to just pinball around. From different relationships, like, there's a lot of people.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:47Chris Williamson?

  Well, that's what it is.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  It's a great image, isn't it?

• 37:49Chris Williamson?

  There's just, there there are some people who exist that can't bear to be on their own.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Um.

• 37:54Chris Williamson?

  And I'm aware that I'm jumping in ahead of you here, but the, this is for guys and girls. There are people for whom they can only feel comfortable in a relationship. I remember, so this is a a story that I can tell, it's like. Outside of the N D A of relationships, which is a decade, so this story is more than ten years old. Um, so a girl who I'd been with and then.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  The ten year rule.

• 38:19Chris Williamson?

  I've made it, I've made it, I've made it up, it isn't my world. Um.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  Crystal.

• 38:23Chris Williamson?

  Been with, been with, been with a girl, like, just seeing her on and off, nothing too serious, but anyway, back and forth, back and forth. And um we decided that we, I decided that we were gonna end it. Uh, and she got a little bit emotional about it and then got even more emotional and started kind of being a little bit hysterical. And said something to the effect of, I really don't wanna break up because I don't want to have to go back to going out all the time. And I was like. Hang on, what, what, I don't understand what you mean. He says, well, like, because I'm not with you anymore, I'm gonna have to go out all the time. And I was like, why? Well, because I'm not with anyone. And I was like, oh my God, I'm seeing this

• 39:04Chris Williamson?

  frantic desire to not be on the, not be on your own, play out in front of me. It's in such an overt way for it to happen. And I'm like, wow, like, that's a very dangerous situation to be in. If so an alternative to when was your last relationship? I think also a good question to ask would be, when was the last time you were single?

• 39:27Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 39:28Chris Williamson?

  And if the last time that they were single was for two weeks, two months ago.

• 39:32Jonny?

  What's the longest stretch that you were single for?

• 39:35Chris Williamson?

  Um, if you can't bear to be on your own, Daniel Sloss said this in the episode, link will be in the show notes below. Uh, Dean will make it appear.

• 39:42Jonny?

  That's a good podcast.

• 39:43Chris Williamson?

  Fucking unbelievable, man. Just crossed twenty thousand views. Um. Daniel said, like, if you can't learn to love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? And how can you expect to be able to give yourself across to them the best that you can, because you don't know who you are? So there you go, like, spend some time on your own. And if that person hasn't, then they either will have a, a poorer understanding of theirself. Or there's someone who is pinball ball.

• 40:10Jonny?

  Well, it just, there's just a lack of in, of, of independent thinking and way of operating as well. Like, if someone is relying on you for everything on a day-to-day basis, you know, like, oh, you've made plans on Friday, but I haven't got plans, so I don't need to do anything, that sort of situation. Like, I, I can't think of anything worse, to be honest, than being in that situation. But I think that can often result from people who have never had to make plans on their own on a Friday, because it's always just been staying and watch Lost or whatever.

• 40:43Chris Williamson?

  It's a dangerous, that's another dangerous one, man. That's not the same. I agree, it's terrible. Fucking really dangerous. Finished it awfully, it was all a dream.

• 40:49Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Chris Williamson?

  Was it all a dream?

• 40:51Jonny?

  Was it? That was the thing, that was the finishing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all just like this special heaven place that they'd made to be with each other.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  That's such an eight-year-old finishing, finishing a story. And he woke up and it was all a dream.

• 41:03Chris Williamson?

  Okay, yeah. Cause the, the thing was with Lost, like, you got towards halfway through the final season and you were like, Fucking hell, guys. Like, there's, there's eight hours of programming left. And you haven't explained the polar bear. You haven't explained why the plane came down. You haven't explained why everyone that's dead keep coming back. You haven't explained it, you haven't. And it sure enough, it got to the end and you knew, like, there's just got to be a big answer. There aren't a lot of individual answers here. And the big answer was like, it was all a dream. So I gave up after the first season. Well, you've missed nothing. There you go. There's the answer. It's like a prison break. So that's a, a different, a different situation to someone who loves to be in relationships is someone who doesn't want you to be a part of their life. But wants you to be their life.

• 41:47Chris Williamson?

  And that is a very dangerous partner to get with as well. Yeah. I mean, actually, actually, how, how on earth do you find someone who isn't a complete psychopath? See, all that we're doing here is just. Moving on. Can't be with him and can't be with her and they don't work and this one's awful.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  So we need white flags as well. Is that the opposite of a red flag?

• 42:09Chris Williamson?

  I think white flags often seen as surrender. Green flag.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Green flag.

• 42:13Chris Williamson?

  Green flag, green light.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Good colour, yeah.

• 42:15Chris Williamson?

  So I, I have some warning points first.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Okay, cool.

• 42:18Chris Williamson?

  So, I, so this is more just like a, a personal frustration is guys who play the. Um, oh, no, no, no, we're just friends ru- route. And then, so like, let's say you're trying to. Get, get with someone, go out with someone, whatever. And that girl has a mate who's a guy who is. Like, just there for advice and maybe quite critical of you for whatever reason, who then tries to swoop in at the last minute. Hmm. I think they are some of the most dangerous. Because they're straight away.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  It's very vulture-like.

• 42:51Chris Williamson?

  They're not upfront with their intention. It's difficult though, right? I would watch out for, personally, I just, I've seen situations like. En- envelop, un- un- unfold.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Unfold.

• 43:05Jonny?

  That haven't worked out very well. So just based on past experience, I would say that, you know, if someone wants to be with you in that way, they should just say.

• 43:14Chris Williamson?

  I think it's difficult to, um, like, it's the age old question of can guys and girls just be friends? And you're like, yeah, they can. But if the girl's in a relationship and the guy's not the person she's in a relationship with.

• 43:26Jonny?

  Difficult, isn't it?

• 43:26Chris Williamson?

  It's you just, what have you opened up there?

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Someone's written a list of red flags for women, but I think they're all quite sexist, actually.

• 43:35Chris Williamson?

  Right, let's just.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  I think we better skip them.

• 43:37Chris Williamson?

  No, people, more people.

• 43:38Jonny?

  So, so that was one. Second one was similar to what you said, of just ask them how, I ask them about their mother. Cause I think the way that it's just, you know, a woman in the, in the person's life, like if they're very caring and speak very fondly of their mother, chances are.

• 43:53Chris Williamson?

  Good to women generally.

• 43:54Jonny?

  Yeah, chances are.

• 43:55Chris Williamson?

  That's a, that's a really, really good test.

• 43:58Jonny?

  Yeah, well, yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Oh, so thought of two green flags then.

• 44:03Jonny?

  I still have, I still have a red.

• 44:04Chris Williamson?

  We still need to do red flags for men.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  For women.

• 44:09Chris Williamson?

  These are. Which.

• 44:12Jonny?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, I would ask them about. One or two polarizing topics, ideally in the media at the moment, and just see what they say.

• 44:22Chris Williamson?

  You give an example.

• 44:23Jonny?

  So some, something like, um, like the Liam Neeson thing would be a good example. So something that is like, you know, when people just have like a clever soundbite to say, so like, they'll have a, they'll have a Brexit soundbite that they say, or. Um, a Theresa May soundbite, but ask them something that like pushes a moral button, just see what they do. Cause I think that's when someone's caught off guard.

• 44:43Chris Williamson?

  How do you analyse that?

• 44:46Jonny?

  Just, do you like it or do you not?

• 44:47Speaker 01

  So it's either who's Theresa May, in which case, run.

• 44:50Chris Williamson?

  Leave, yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Uh, or.

• 44:52Jonny?

  What's Brexit?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 44:54Jonny?

  But like, you know, but what do you, I just see that Liam Neeson thing, what do you think about that? And obviously like that, that's something where someone will just.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  It's not even about their opinion, it's just about can they formulate a.

• 45:03Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  Uh, something reasonable.

• 45:04Chris Williamson?

  I think, and even if they don't know, can they with grace play off the fact that they don't know?

• 45:08Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 45:09Chris Williamson?

  Like, oh, I'm not really into politics, like, but I can tell you a lot about. Or even just even just say, I don't know. I've not heard about that. What's that?

• 45:17Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 45:18Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, for example.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:19Chris Williamson?

  Cause a very masculine thing is like, oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Tell me about it.

• 45:23Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, the Brexit stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was reading about that.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Well, like the male answering syndrome, like, oh, I I wrote the book on Brexit, man.

• 45:30Chris Williamson?

  I have Brexit, man.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Brexit? And we went out for drinks like three nights ago. He was brother. He's he's he's brother. His brother used to play football.

• 45:40Chris Williamson?

  All right.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  Hmm. Okay.

• 45:42Chris Williamson?

  Um, so what?

• 45:43Chris Williamson?

  Or show them an Anton Creel clip and see if they react or not.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  Which is marry them immediately.

• 45:47Chris Williamson?

  If it's positive, grab them.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  We were talking about that last week, the like embarrassing things you said when you were younger. They're like, oh, no, thanks. I've I've got twelve ounces at home. Twelve ounces? No, you haven't.

• 45:58Chris Williamson?

  And we weren't talking about that on that. No, were you talking?

• 46:02Speaker 01

  It was the life fails most way. Anyway, um.

• 46:06Chris Williamson?

  So, um, I want to do, what about, what should guys look out for red flags in in women? Now, we're we're straying into slightly more dangerous territory, but it's territory that I am incredibly familiar with. So watch me tiptoe with finesse through the minefield. I think I know what. I think I think you and I would probably say similar things.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:26Chris Williamson?

  I'm excited to see. So just as a as a disclaimer here, as a disclaimer, like you two are fairly successfully, um, like continuously monogamous people, right?

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:40Chris Williamson?

  Like you're in relationships.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  You see me as continuously monogamous, but in the last fifteen years, I've been in a relationship for five of them.

• 46:50Chris Williamson?

  Right, but in the last seven years.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Last seven years. Uh, in, yeah, a relationship for five, six.

• 46:57Chris Williamson?

  You are, how have you been in a relationship for six of seven, but only five of fifteen? He's just he's just picked the timeframe.

• 47:05Speaker 01

  No, sorry. Hang on. Seven, seven of fif- no, ah.

• 47:09Chris Williamson?

  Don't worry. It's not five of them. He's just saying, so currently you're in a successful relationship. You're a serial, you're both serial monogamous, to one degree or another. Now me, so background. Four girlfriends took up from eighteen to twenty five and the longest period I was single was four months.

• 47:28Jonny?

  Right, and then.

• 47:30Chris Williamson?

  Would just, no, and then another three year relationship after that. So, but the vast majority of my life up to now has been with me being in a relationship.

• 47:37Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 47:38Chris Williamson?

  Just, you know.

• 47:39Jonny?

  For, for me.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Four and a half of the last seven.

• 47:42Chris Williamson?

  Fucking hell.

• 47:43Jonny?

  For, for me, I, I've, I've never, this is gonna sound arrogant, but I don't, I've never like ended a relationship and then sought the next one. Things just tend to. Fall.

• 47:53Chris Williamson?

  You are successfully serial monogamous, monogamous though, as far as I can see.

• 47:57Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 47:57Chris Williamson?

  Anyway, so what, what we, what do you think?

• 48:00Jonny?

  Red flags?

• 48:00Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 48:04Jonny?

  So.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  Love dropping us in it.

• 48:06Jonny?

  Okay, so I, I think the most important thing is emotional stability. Without question.

• 48:15Chris Williamson?

  How do you judge that?

• 48:16Jonny?

  So, very difficult to judge. So, the reason I say that is inevitably you're gonna end up in an argument or a discussion or disagreement over something.

• 48:25Chris Williamson?

  Uh huh.

• 48:25Jonny?

  And if that can be managed as a, in a, in a sensible adult conversation, chances are it'll last an hour and then go away again. If that becomes like. Well, like fuck you, I'm taking your car and I'm, or you know, like this is over and.

• 48:39Chris Williamson?

  I'm leaving.

• 48:40Jonny?

  Suddenly it spirals into something massive. So emotional stability is a, is a big one. In terms of how you assess that.

• 48:47Chris Williamson?

  Especially early on as well, right?

• 48:49Jonny?

  Apart from just by feel, I suppose.

• 48:51Chris Williamson?

  What's the, like?

• 48:54Jonny?

  Breasts.

• 48:55Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, feel.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  Oh, I see what hap-.

• 48:57Chris Williamson?

  Is there an outward kind of, is it if they're firmer and higher?

• 49:02Jonny?

  Oh, I see. No.

• 49:04Chris Williamson?

  So, I mean, what was that thing that you said in one of the podcasts, Yusuf, where you were like, um, it's really easy to convince anyone for twenty minutes that you're not a psychopath?

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:12Chris Williamson?

  Like, early on in a relationship, anyone can convince anyone that they're not an emotional wreck who's gonna kick off.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I think job interviews are a terrible way to assess somebody because of exactly that reason.

• 49:23Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Um, if anything, if you are. Psychopath, you're the best at.

• 49:27Chris Williamson?

  You play the game, you've got no empathy.

• 49:30Speaker 01

  I would disagree with the emotional stability thing, though.

• 49:32Chris Williamson?

  Okay.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  So it it's definitely my preference, and I think it's your preference.

• 49:36Chris Williamson?

  Hmm.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Um, David Dada talks a lot about sexual polarity and um.

• 49:42Chris Williamson?

  The masculine energy and the feminine energy.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  And saying that if you are a true shivite third stage man, you should be like fully navigating the fields of having a a woman who's like really emotionally labile and being able to ride those waves and.

• 49:55Chris Williamson?

  Okay.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  And fully like enjoy in saying that the more um, the more of that there is, like the more it tests you as a as a masculine spirit and it helps you to to grow and and to like uh allow allow your relationship to flourish through that. Um, I think.

• 50:11Chris Williamson?

  Quite trying.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I I think I'm just not.

• 50:14Chris Williamson?

  I'm not on board with David with regards to that. I don't think anyone is either.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  It sounds like an unnecessary situation to be in.

• 50:21Chris Williamson?

  Johnny, Johnny, do you want me to tell you about the best analogy that I came up with in the sauna the other day with you?

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 50:28Chris Williamson?

  So the emotional instability thing that you've just said there is exactly the same. It's so good. It's, you can imagine that.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  So thi- this is like the analogy for having like, you have like a normal discussion or you come to a a conclusion for something, but there's all this turmoil and argument in the meantime that is just totally unnecessary just to come to a decision that.

• 50:55Chris Williamson?

  So what, input is, what are we doing tonight? Output is, let's meet at eight thirty. But in between that, there is this crazy back and forth and emotional turmoil and fighting and all the rest of it.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 51:09Chris Williamson?

  Is exactly the same as you putting a trade on and and the market dropping by fifty percent for it to bounce all over the place and finish one percent up in the green.

• 51:24Chris Williamson?

  And you're like, what the fuck was that?

• 51:26Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 51:27Chris Williamson?

  What was this bit here?

• 51:28Jonny?

  And you've got to manage how you feel about.

• 51:31Chris Williamson?

  All of the emotion, all of the bullshit.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Don't trigger your stop loss, because if you do.

• 51:34Chris Williamson?

  If you trigger your stop loss, the relationship's over.

• 51:38Chris Williamson?

  It's exactly, I will challenge anyone out there to tell me that's not exactly the same.

• 51:41Jonny?

  It all just comes back to Chris Caffey.

• 51:44Chris Williamson?

  Great trade.

• 51:45Jonny?

  Fundamental.

• 51:49Jonny?

  I saw him in Cafe Nero.

• 51:50Chris Williamson?

  I know, you should have told me. You wouldn't go, you wouldn't go to.

• 51:52Jonny?

  I saw him running, jogging.

• 51:55Chris Williamson?

  Oh, really?

• 51:55Jonny?

  Jogging.

• 51:56Chris Williamson?

  So.

• 52:00Chris Williamson?

  Uh, right, we're talking about people that the listeners don't know who we're on about now.

• 52:02Jonny?

  So, okay, so, um, so emotional stability just allows for efficient outcomes.

• 52:08Chris Williamson?

  I agree.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  We, we. There's a second thing as well, wasn't there?

• 52:11Chris Williamson?

  That was the first one.

• 52:12Jonny?

  No.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  You said there was two things, emotional stability and maybe, maybe that was.

• 52:16Chris Williamson?

  Anyway, what, what, what about you?

• 52:18Speaker 01

  So for, I don't have any red flags for women.

• 52:23Chris Williamson?

  You can't think of anything bad that a woman could be.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  Give me some time to, because I, it's because, because I've just seen that list and I'm trying to not say anything on that list. So.

• 52:34Chris Williamson?

  Well, I mean, so for, for me, the, again, the main ones for men also occur for women. Uh, do they have a life outside of their partner? Do they have their own interests, their own friend group? Are they able to be independent? Do they demand your time over activities that they know you really value? Like, if you're saying, oh, no, I can't see you tonight, I've got to play video games, then that's probably not tremendously justifiable. If it's, no, I can't see you tonight, I've got training for this upcoming weightlifting competition, or I've got football with my friends that I only do once a week, or I've got to see my parents, or I've got to do something else which they know is of genuine value to you.

• 53:14Chris Williamson?

  And that is the sort of thing, especially because we're talking now about the, as my mum and dad would call it, the courting stage, in which the leveraging of all trades is at zero. Like, there's no magnification, there shouldn't be any, um.

• 53:35Chris Williamson?

  Overreaction really to anything because there's no justification on either side yet. Like we're just.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  You have to have more sensitivity to the smaller changes early on because people are on their best behaviour. And so you've got to then be more tuned into that going on.

• 53:50Chris Williamson?

  Absolutely.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Definitely agree, like you, if they don't have your best interests at heart, and if you don't have theirs at heart. Then that's immediately a sense that, you know, even on a minor level, you think you might think, oh, well, that's within my tolerance. Fine, I'll leave it. But actually, it could mean that when things are magnified after they take off the mask.

• 54:08Chris Williamson?

  That's a good point.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  They're much more vindictive and that they're actually willing to trample on you.

• 54:13Chris Williamson?

  You need to wa- you need to watch for these things super carefully, espe- especially early on.

• 54:17Jonny?

  What about stuff like, um, you know, people stress a lot about how often to message, how fast to reply.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 54:25Jonny?

  After, after a meeting, who, who rep- who messages first?

• 54:28Speaker 01

  I think that that is such a waste of mental space.

• 54:31Jonny?

  I, so I agree.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Such a waste.

• 54:32Jonny?

  But if you feel like someone's doing that.

• 54:34Chris Williamson?

  Doesn't get around the fact that it is actually a little bit of a nuanced point. And it is to a degree quite important because.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Frequency of reply and stuff.

• 54:45Chris Williamson?

  And, and who actually is the.

• 54:46Jonny?

  Conduct.

• 54:46Chris Williamson?

  Who's the, who's the protagonist in it? Because the, one of the main things, there is a, a video from School of Life. Alain de Botton again, he's just the king at these little aphorism kind of maximity type things. And, um, he talks about why we hate people or why we're, why we're unattracted to people who like us. And it's because it feeds in someone who is aloof. Naturally gives themselves some sense of being above and beyond and out of our reach, which naturally we push towards. Like if someone, if you put your hand on someone's chest and you push, their natural reaction is to lean into you.

• 55:24Chris Williamson?

  So that's exactly what happens as someone pushes harder, you, you tend to push back harder against them because you kind of don't really like what's going on.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Unless they're a judo master and they can just like.

• 55:34Chris Williamson?

  They're just taekwondo you in the floor. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I think. So that's where I like the, I'm not gonna reply, cause if I reply now, then I seem.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  I don't wanna seem too keen.

• 55:45Chris Williamson?

  But the worst thing as well is that that, I I know for a fact that that has been a turn off for me with girls. Like, girls who are not unkeen enough, which isn't the same as being too keen. Not unkeen enough. They're insufficiently unkeen.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  They're insufficiently aloof.

• 56:03Chris Williamson?

  So they're keen. No, which is a difference.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  They're they're not aloof enough, they're not, um.

• 56:08Chris Williamson?

  Alright, insufficient, got it. They're too keen. They are, Chris.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  They're too keen, yes.

• 56:16Chris Williamson?

  That's your, you're presuming it's a spectrum and it's a single, just a single linear.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 56:21Chris Williamson?

  Not keen, keen. And you're saying they're not far enough over this direction.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:26Chris Williamson?

  All of us.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  I think we're overcomplicating it. However, I, the the problem is, and the reason I'm saying it's a waste of mental space is that as soon as you even start. Second guessing your own, like, oh, but maybe I shouldn't reply, what was it, then you're being keen again. Because you're trying too hard. It's it's the same as why, like, the whole pick up artistry thing only works for a. Short period of time until people realise, actually, this is just a really desperate guy that's tried to, like, micromanage all of his little.

• 56:54Chris Williamson?

  I I I disagree.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:57Chris Williamson?

  Because.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Because if they truly didn't care, they'd just reply as and when they saw their phone, which is.

• 57:01Chris Williamson?

  The the pick up artistry, the pick up artistry thing is you changing the core of who you are as a person. What I think, and again, this comes back to the reason for using the Instagram funnel, is that. You are wanting to get people over the hump of that very first bit.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  To convince them that you're not mental.

• 57:19Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, and I think that a lot of people would, there would be a lot more good, short relationships. If everybody was presenting themselves in the best light, I think a lot of people make a lot of really basic fuckups. Like, and that's not to say that I don't, I, but.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  So are you advocating that they are inauthentic with the way that they.

• 57:40Chris Williamson?

  No, no, I think that what you need to do is just retrain yourself to be not mental and not too keen. Like, if your response rate is within seconds all the time and you quadruple message all the time. You have to concede the fact that for some people that will be a turn off. You also have to concede the fact that if you don't message sufficiently frequently, it'll be a turn off. But I think that the inevitably, as with everything, the virtuous mean, there is something in the middle.

• 58:09Jonny?

  So it's the same way as you would go to a job interview, wearing a shirt and tie, even though you don't necessarily want to. Because it's about signalling to that person that you're of a certain order and.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  I see, but if you wear a tux, it's like.

• 58:21Chris Williamson?

  What the fuck are you doing if you're going in joggers.

• 58:23Jonny?

  So, so have a, have a, just have a rule with yourself then.

• 58:28Jonny?

  Do you know, do you, do you, do you agree?

• 58:30Speaker 01

  I'm saying like I.

• 58:31Jonny?

  So like, after, after the first day, I'll reply after thirty six hours or whatever. And then you just don't think about it because I think people get stressed because they're, they think something and then they second guess what they thought and then they second guess that.

• 58:43Chris Williamson?

  The worst thing.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  This is the thing, I think.

• 58:45Chris Williamson?

  Hmm. So one thing that actually has occurred due to the advent of WhatsApp. And other instant messaging services like that is that back in the day.

• 58:54Jonny?

  You can see when people have run.

• 58:56Chris Williamson?

  But back in the day, texting would have been, there's always this culpable deniability about, oh, I didn't read it yet.

• 59:01Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Chris Williamson?

  It's like, fuck off, mate. Like, I've seen you come on and offline twenty times.

• 59:07Jonny?

  I remember having a conversation, it was, might have been with you, when they, when they released the blue ticks on WhatsApp of like, this is going to cause problems. This is going to cause arguments. Because you used to be able to turn red receipts off on iMessage or have them on.

• 59:21Chris Williamson?

  Do you remember when, you might have never had Snapchat. Oh, you do have Snapchat. Do you remember when you used to have top friends on Snapchat?

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, people would really fall out like.

• 59:29Chris Williamson?

  Can you imagine how many relationships that's rumbled?

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Oh, because Snapchat particularly is like.

• 59:36Jonny?

  Well, you get like a sword, don't you, or a little streak, yeah, but it's.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  With the fire, the flame.

• 59:42Jonny?

  Excuse me, yeah. So like, if you see that someone's got, um, that with someone else, then.

• 59:49Chris Williamson?

  That doesn't exist anymore, so you're safe. Um, have you come up with any?

• 59:52Jonny?

  Oh, yeah. So, so I, I bet in, in your examples, when you're saying someone's too keen. Not insufficiently.

• 1:00:01Chris Williamson?

  Unkeen.

• 1:00:01Jonny?

  Unkeen.

• 1:00:01Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Jonny?

  Um, that.

• 1:00:05Jonny?

  They they probably just do it without thinking. And even if they're not, even if the that doesn't truly represent them, they just they've done something they're like.

• 1:00:13Chris Williamson?

  So I think one of the, especially now that the response rate is less of a concern or less of a major factor because of the advent of instant messaging. The content is like if it's what are you doing tonight? When are we going out next? Like you can, you can talk quite freely backwards and forwards and keep it casual. You can also talk quite, I think sarcasm and a little bit of kind of gibbing is a good tactic to be able to keep everything playful. Not only does it stop you from falling too deep into the like falling in the early stages of love for someone who you've only met a few times.

• 1:00:53Chris Williamson?

  It also kind of, it's that playful territory that like you can't have that. Once you've been with someone for like six months. You can't jib them about not really being that bothered about like, do you know what I mean? You're like, fuck off, mate. Seen your bumhole.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  It it probes whether they would, whether they can take a joke as well. And that's it. So so I think for me, the red flags are, yeah, can they take a joke? Are they? Have they got a sense of humour? Because I think that pre frames a lot of other things, a lot of character traits as well. If someone can't laugh, then there's a lot of other things wrong with them.

• 1:01:28Chris Williamson?

  It's like pre-screening for particular.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Chris Williamson?

  Downstream genetic diseases and stuff like that, isn't it?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Genetic diseases.

• 1:01:35Chris Williamson?

  Just A and A, isn't it? Just triage.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  It's like, that's like the blood pressure measurement. So take their blood pressure.

• 1:01:42Chris Williamson?

  What are your symptoms? What else are you experiencing?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Take their heart rate.

• 1:01:45Chris Williamson?

  Was it the normal masturbation?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Um, so then you want to do a skin swab.

• 1:01:52Chris Williamson?

  Oh, God.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  A urine dipstick, um, do a stool sample on them. No, so they.

• 1:01:58Chris Williamson?

  You made it to stool sample. That person's a keeper.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 1:02:01Chris Williamson?

  You've seen the, you've seen the bumhole.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Listen, I've got to screen with you at the moment. I've just got a few tests just for, you know, my peace of mind. If you can just poo in this and then I'm just gonna wrap this cuff around your arm, right?

• 1:02:13Chris Williamson?

  While they're pooing?

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  While they're pooing, yeah. And just squeak. So there's the laughing test. That also like, do they just laugh at stupid things? Like, um, if you do a puff puff, do they? Do they find it funny?

• 1:02:27Jonny?

  Man, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hold my hand in the air here. I have never been, and this may speak to the degree or the depth of relationships I've been in. Never been in a relationship where I've been comfortable to fart in bed.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Same. I think it's, it is a cruel thing to do to someone if you're in bed as well to Dutch oven them, but um.

• 1:02:44Jonny?

  Dutch oven is lethal.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  It's really bad, so.

• 1:02:47Jonny?

  So I just, I don't, I'm not sure that's a, that's a comfort thing. I think, like in the same way that like, I, I, I would just slap you, Seth.

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  Because it's, it's an assault on someone.

• 1:02:55Jonny?

  Yeah, like.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  To go puff puff.

• 1:02:56Jonny?

  What do you do? Cause you're in a long-term relationship now and you live, live with someone. How do I navigate flatulence? Yes. So it's not something that I really think about. I don't think I have that much.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Really? So the trick I've heard is you go into, this is if you're on a date, you go into the bathroom and you get your bum above your head. So you make sure your head's lower than your bum, so that the air, cause the air is gonna rise over the liquid. And so then you percolate the puff puffs.

• 1:03:22Jonny?

  Over the liquid?

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Over, over any others, any, anything else in your bowel, so that you can then get it out quickly. But the problem is a lot of the time people say, well, by the time I've walked to the bathroom, it's gone. And it's basically up there and you're like.

• 1:03:34Jonny?

  You're gonna burp a fart.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  You're like, no, I can't get it down.

• 1:03:36Jonny?

  Hold on, you, you need to fart, you go to the toilet and for some reason.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Invert yourself.

• 1:03:41Jonny?

  Why can't, why don't you just go to the toilet and fart?

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause you have to be in hip flexion as well.

• 1:03:44Jonny?

  To fart?

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Well, no, it, it just to accelerate, cause you don't wanna be in there for twenty minutes trying to like.

• 1:03:49Jonny?

  Crack this fart.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, you just, you wanna be, you know, cause otherwise they'll be like, oh, well, he's, he's gone for a poo and then, then you have to go in. I wasn't, I wasn't pooing, I, I was.

• 1:03:57Jonny?

  Why don't you just go?

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I wasn't pooing, I was just farting.

• 1:04:00Jonny?

  Go in, sit on the toilet and just contract as hard as you can. Something will come out.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:04Jonny?

  If you do a bit of poo, great, but I won't get one through.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  I don't know, cause I think if you, if you, if you try and poo when you don't need to.

• 1:04:10Jonny?

  And when you don't have a shot off.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  You don't have a shot off, really good.

• 1:04:13Jonny?

  Bless you.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Um, then, then you're gonna, you're gonna end up with a half one and it's a problem. Anyway, the, the second green flag or red flag.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Is before we go.

• 1:04:24Jonny?

  Well, no, which is it? Don't say green flag or red flag, then say something.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Well, you'll you'll.

• 1:04:29Chris Williamson?

  Imagine if the guy that was waving the plane in did that. Like, one's green and one's red.

• 1:04:35Jonny?

  Stop.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, li- listen to the flag and you'll you'll both understand why it can be both.

• 1:04:40Jonny?

  Okay.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  So how they treat the waiter? Again, this is a minor variance that will over time widen and so it'll eventually lever it and you'll be able to see. So do they treat the waiter rudely or nicely?

• 1:04:58Chris Williamson?

  Same for taxi driver, bus driver.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Chris Williamson?

  Train conductor.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  So so anyone that they don't have anything to gain from and that they're, you know, are they generally civil and respectful to other human beings?

• 1:05:07Jonny?

  Do they say waiter?

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  Do they say waiter?

• 1:05:10Jonny?

  Or waiter?

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Excuse me, or do they call them garçons or like?

• 1:05:12Chris Williamson?

  Oh, yeah. If they. Oh.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:16Chris Williamson?

  If they do, if they do a double.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  I don't think I've ever seen someone do that, but that's, yeah, that's a very.

• 1:05:20Jonny?

  Attitude tipping.

• 1:05:22Chris Williamson?

  No, not at all, not at all. Fiscal policy is i- isn't included at this stage.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  So so with with paying for a meal, I will I will always pay on the first date. If it's if they offer to split. I'll always say, no, no.

• 1:05:35Chris Williamson?

  What if you steal?

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  If I steal, well, if they offer.

• 1:05:38Chris Williamson?

  If they split, no, if they split and you steal, then then you take it all, don't you?

• 1:05:42Jonny?

  Then you find yourself in a game of prison dilemma.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  That that that.

• 1:05:44Jonny?

  It then becomes game theory.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  That's when you say, can I go to the toilet? And then you run and then you got a free meal.

• 1:05:48Jonny?

  Out the window.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, so so so so if they if they offer to, and interestingly, there's a there's a dating coach for women that did a video on this and he said.

• 1:05:58Jonny?

  He was really famous, I saw him.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it went viral. He was like, have you seen this?

• 1:06:01Jonny?

  No.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Where he's like, all right, ladies, and he's in a room with like two hundred and fifty women. Who thinks the man should pay?

• 1:06:07Jonny?

  Pretty much every.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  On the first date, everyone puts their hand up. He's like, okay. And who thinks that you are obliged to sleep with the man? Um, whenever and however he wants, no one puts their hand up. And he's like, well, that doesn't match up because what you're saying is that your time is worth la- is worth more than his and that he should have to pay for it.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  And then you've instantly set an unequal basis for the relationship.

• 1:06:31Chris Williamson?

  But one is, one is having sex with someone.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:35Chris Williamson?

  And I, I see what he's getting at. I see what he's getting at.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  So but he, he was implying that like what you're all doing is like prostitutes do that. They say their time is worth more than it. And so.

• 1:06:43Chris Williamson?

  I see.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  He's like, unless you put yourself on equal footing with the man from the beginning, then you are. So.

• 1:06:48Chris Williamson?

  I think so. For, for me personally, I'll, as a man, I will always at the first nail tend to be like, I'll, I'll get this done.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  I got, I got this.

• 1:06:57Chris Williamson?

  If that, I, I, I know for a fact in my heart of hearts, if that girl forcibly said, essentially, there's fucking no way that's happening. Take half of my money. I'd be like.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Hmm. It's great.

• 1:07:08Chris Williamson?

  I think if someone, the harder someone pushes them, that brilliant.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Hmm. But as long as it's not.

• 1:07:12Chris Williamson?

  Not just fiscal policy with things like that. It's like if it was, um, who's gonna drive, who's gonna do whatever, like, does it, the, just. Having a girl, I find it like incredibly attractive to have a girl who's very forthcoming about these sort of things. Like, it's the same reason, I think, why female athletes tend to be attractive to a particular kind of man, because you're like, well. I know that there is a very sort of protagonist, um, independent. Forward minded, mentum kind of, uh.

• 1:07:47Chris Williamson?

  Theme to what this.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  Well, I think that's it. It's not about money. It's about the, the attitude. Do they see you as an equal?

• 1:07:54Chris Williamson?

  Mm hmm. And do they have the command to be able to?

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:59Chris Williamson?

  Okay.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:08:01Chris Williamson?

  So the way they treat the waiter.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  The waiter, the, when they choose to split or steal, and then the, the puff puff thing, what was that?

• 1:08:09Chris Williamson?

  You said the puff puff thing.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, there was a third one. Anyway, there is also the, the old story, the old adage about. The guy that was, um, talking to a couple of guys in the pub. And he was like, oh mate, I'm, I'm a behavioural psychologist. I can, I can tell a lot about you from a single thing. In terms of the first guy, he's like, tell me. Do you have a goldfish? And the guy was like, yeah. And he goes, oh, well, okay, so you've got a goldfish. That means you live in a relatively stable house. That means you've probably got a a dog as well. You've got a pet. You've demonstrated that, right? And that means you're probably married. And that means, and you're young, and so you probably haven't got kids. You've probably got quite an active sex life.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  And so you don't masturbate. The guy's like, whoa.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  It turns to the other guy, so have you got a goldfish? And he's like, no. You wanker.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  And so.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  So the goldfish is a real green flag. Green flag. Green flag. But that means they're married. Uh, yeah. So if if you catch, if you've got a goldfish and they're not married, there's no wedding ring. So what you're saying is look for indications of stability. Yeah, if stability is something you're going for, I suppose. Well, I don't think anybody wants instability. Unstable. Unstable mind. I just want to wake up every day and just be absolutely dragged around in life with every possible. That comes like the bad boy versus stable man dichotomy, doesn't it? Highly, highly fluctuating market, man. If Garrett, Jay White's got it right. He's got both. He's a bad boy. I know, he's like every, like every woman wants her. What is it?

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  What wants the like the biker?

• 1:09:58Chris Williamson?

  Every woman, every, every woman wants a, wants a man who is able to come home and play with the kids and.

• 1:10:05Speaker 01

  God, that impression's knock, knock, boys.

• 1:10:07Chris Williamson?

  Sing songs, sing songs about the little headshot that doesn't know if he wants to be a bear or if he wants to be a rabbit or whatever. But then also, if he needs to, can go and fuck some people up in a parking lot and go Tom Clancy Rainbow Six on them.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  So, so I really strongly agree with him. Because he, who doesn't want that? What's a, what's one bad thing about that?

• 1:10:28Chris Williamson?

  What do you want from a, in the equivalent way, though? What do you want from a woman?

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  That.

• 1:10:32Chris Williamson?

  You want them to be able to go fucking Rainbow Six and fuck some people up in the parking lot.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  If you're with a woman on a date and she, she runs out to the parking lot. And goes full Tom Clancy. Beats up some rages, you'd be like, I, I don't, I, I wouldn't have the same like, oh, that's so sexy. I'd be a bit like.

• 1:10:46Jonny?

  How would you feel?

• 1:10:47Chris Williamson?

  I'd definitely be a little bit aroused.

• 1:10:48Jonny?

  How would you feel if a woman was was stronger or more physically capable than you?

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Then I need to like that. I think that's inexcusable. I need to go train more.

• 1:10:57Chris Williamson?

  Some.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  That are stronger.

• 1:10:58Chris Williamson?

  Stronger, stronger than me in particular, particular, certainly pound for pound, in particular movements.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like in terms of absolute strength, there is a there's a problem.

• 1:11:06Chris Williamson?

  They can't pick up more weight.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  Like.

• 1:11:08Chris Williamson?

  It's just deadlift, isn't it?

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Have you seen the Louis Theroux Female Bodybuilders episode?

• 1:11:13Chris Williamson?

  They're not that strong.

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  Can you see the husbands of the men who like?

• 1:11:15Jonny?

  Quite small.

• 1:11:16Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're always like.

• 1:11:17Chris Williamson?

  Very pasty.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  The guy's like, I really like them. I think they're like goddesses. And you're just like.

• 1:11:22Chris Williamson?

  You're awfully odd, mate, yeah. Weird, aren't you?

• 1:11:25Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:25Chris Williamson?

  You do foot, you do, you do foot stuff.

• 1:11:28Jonny?

  Yeah, foot stuff. Photos of feet. Yeah.

• 1:11:31Chris Williamson?

  They're definitely doing foot stuff.

• 1:11:34Chris Williamson?

  There is lots of P forty five, not P forty five, E forty five everywhere.

• 1:11:39Jonny?

  P forty? We're just, we're just loads of employment documentation around him. Ah, ah, drowning in, in tax forms and self assessments.

• 1:11:49Chris Williamson?

  And loads of feet pictures.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Specific fetish.

• 1:11:51Jonny?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:53Chris Williamson?

  Climax on an S A three oh two. Um, right, so we've got.

• 1:11:58Jonny?

  We've got it, we don't?

• 1:11:59Chris Williamson?

  We have.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  Did it?

• 1:12:00Chris Williamson?

  Well, we've, we've got, we've got.

• 1:12:01Jonny?

  We've gone done that.

• 1:12:03Chris Williamson?

  Gone done some relationships. Is there anything else? So that like, I, I guess finding people, you need to just, you made a great point that if there is no one within your particular sphere. Um, of, what was it that you referred to as, uh, within your consciousness? That just area within your house, within your life.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  You know what the answer to that is?

• 1:12:24Jonny?

  Sphere of influence, is that what you mean?

• 1:12:25Chris Williamson?

  No. So the answer to that is the same way that like, um, affiliate marketing works. So, uh, what I mean by that is you want a certain type of person. So you think what, what does this person like read, listen to, watch, spend time doing, attend? Uh, et cetera, and then just go places where that person might be. There you go. So yeah, that was my point that if you don't have someone within your life at the moment, who matches what it is that you want from a partner, you need to expand into that.

• 1:13:00Jonny?

  And online is a really easy way to do that.

• 1:13:02Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, well, online is just, really, online is kind of like an index tracker, isn't it? It's like placing. Going along S and P.

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got to go and buy the shares and get the certificate and sign it off and.

• 1:13:15Chris Williamson?

  You know.

• 1:13:16Jonny?

  Anyone that says like, I don't want to do online dating is like, you can say that and you can think that, but you'll lose.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  But you are doing online dating. If you're online, you're doing online.

• 1:13:27Jonny?

  Someone who's like, you know, I want to go to coffee shops and meet people, like, you're just going to be outplayed by the guy with an Instagram funnel who's doing this at scale.

• 1:13:34Chris Williamson?

  Or the girl.

• 1:13:34Jonny?

  Or the girl with an Instagram funnel.

• 1:13:35Chris Williamson?

  We've emancipated. What is it when you do it to, like, when you.

• 1:13:40Jonny?

  Emasculate.

• 1:13:41Chris Williamson?

  No, emancipate, emancipate, like the male-only Instagram funnel now has been, the gift has been given. To women in this world. If I get, if I get put into a woman's Instagram funnel, it, it might be the most erotic experience of my life. I'm not really too sure.

• 1:14:00Jonny?

  So.

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  You might be in many.

• 1:14:02Chris Williamson?

  I might be. They're really bad, though. Their conversion rate's terrible.

• 1:14:05Speaker 01

  I see. So they need to split test more.

• 1:14:07Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:07Jonny?

  I would love for someone listening to this to think, I'm going to put Chris in my funnel successfully.

• 1:14:14Chris Williamson?

  They've got to get past the.

• 1:14:15Jonny?

  Have you ever been funneled?

• 1:14:17Chris Williamson?

  I don't think so. My open rate is my, my.

• 1:14:20Jonny?

  Because you get lots of message requests, don't you? Because that's the problem with the Instagram funnel.

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  His message requests are maxed out all the time. So it's, they have to actually get from message requests into inbox to even have a chance of.

• 1:14:32Jonny?

  But, but so that, I suppose, someone with a large Instagram following, harder, isn't it? Because they're going to have more message requests and you're going to go into the noise. You're basically going to the spam folder and you have to be taken out of it.

• 1:14:44Chris Williamson?

  Essentially. Another point that this is really important. I can't believe I didn't say it at the start. If you're going to actually message someone because you think that they're an interesting person, and this goes if you're messaging for guys or girls, use their name.

• 1:14:55Jonny?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:55Chris Williamson?

  Like, if you just say hire and put an emoji, you.

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  I always think instant spam, but if they, if there's, if it's generic message.

• 1:15:04Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, like.

• 1:15:05Jonny?

  I would say, oh, my God, comma, have you seen this? Question mark.

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, or if it's about.

• 1:15:11Chris Williamson?

  What, seen what?

• 1:15:12Jonny?

  Are you more likely to open it, aren't you?

• 1:15:14Chris Williamson?

  But if there's no other messages, I'll just think, I'll wait until they send the next message.

• 1:15:17Jonny?

  If you saw that in your requests, you wouldn't think.

• 1:15:19Chris Williamson?

  Well, I'd wait until the next message. I'd be like, they're gonna send another message here.

• 1:15:24Jonny?

  I can't believe what this is.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  Laughing emoji.

• 1:15:26Chris Williamson?

  But there's no, there's, there's nothing in there.

• 1:15:29Jonny?

  Yeah, but the whole point, Chris, is to create intrigue.

• 1:15:32Chris Williamson?

  It's not an open loop. You've not been single for ages, have you?

• 1:15:35Jonny?

  I'm trying to get your attention. I'm trying, I'm like, how do I, I'm giving everyone tips of how do I stand out in Chris's inbox?

• 1:15:41Chris Williamson?

  Well, I'd see all of your powerlifting videos and think, I don't want to be with the man who's strong on me.

• 1:15:45Jonny?

  Chris, I'm not going to message you from the propane Instagram with, oh my God, have you seen this? And then get upset when you and I don't go on a date. That's not what this is. I'm thinking, I'm someone listening to this.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  He's talking in generic terms.

• 1:15:58Jonny?

  I want to, I want to, I want to put Chris in my funnel now.

• 1:16:02Chris Williamson?

  Yep.

• 1:16:02Jonny?

  What can I say to stand out in Chris's maxed out thing? So what are people saying?

• 1:16:06Chris Williamson?

  You need to.

• 1:16:07Jonny?

  Hi, Chris, can you put me on VIP? Hi, Chris, I won't guess this.

• 1:16:11Chris Williamson?

  Honestly, the best, the best way to get an open.

• 1:16:13Jonny?

  Oh my God, look at that. Have you seen this?

• 1:16:15Chris Williamson?

  The best, I've told, I've, I've said this a number of times, the best way to get an open from me on Instagram is to compliment the podcast.

• 1:16:21Jonny?

  Okay.

• 1:16:21Chris Williamson?

  If you compliment or share the podcast.

• 1:16:23Jonny?

  So that's actually the best compliment would be to say, oh my God, have you seen this?

• 1:16:27Chris Williamson?

  No.

• 1:16:28Jonny?

  Because they've got to this point in this episode.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, true. Now it would be, because that's a.

• 1:16:31Chris Williamson?

  No, they still, they still need to compliment it.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  But that, that is a compliment.

• 1:16:35Jonny?

  That's the best compliment.

• 1:16:36Chris Williamson?

  It's too underhanded.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  It's too, okay.

• 1:16:38Jonny?

  I bet you open it.

• 1:16:39Chris Williamson?

  I might do. Uh, thank you very much. Do not forget.

• 1:16:42Jonny?

  Thank you.

• 1:16:43Chris Williamson?

  Thank you more. Do not forget.

• 1:16:45Jonny?

  Thank you.

• 1:16:46Chris Williamson?

  Thank you as well, Yussuf. Uh, do not forget to press subscribe down below. Um, please share this episode. We want to land in the top 50 worldwide again and in two weeks' time, worry about what it was that we said.

• 1:16:57Jonny?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:16:59Chris Williamson?

  Okay, bye then.

• 1:17:01Jonny?

  Okay, bye then.