The Dangerous Weapon You Use Against Yourself | Ed Mylett

What if the most dangerous weapon sabotaging your happiness, confidence, and momentum isn’t out there but something you use against yourself every single day? In this mashup episode, I’m bringing together powerful conversations that expose one of the biggest silent killers of fulfillment and success: comparison. I sit down with Lewis Howes, Rachel Hollis, Dr. Robert Waldinger, and Dean Graziosi to unpack how comparison quietly drains our joy, distorts our self worth, and keeps us stuck chasing someone else’s version of success instead of our own. I break down why comparison is the fastest pathway to unhappiness and how it sneaks into every area of our lives, from our bodies and finances to our relationships and sense of purpose. You will hear me explain why it is never your current situation that creates misery, but the story you tell yourself when you compare it to a different time or a different person. This episode is about learning when comparison must be put down and when it can be used strategically as leverage to create real change. Lewis Howes opens up about the internal pressure to measure up and how comparison nearly stole his peace during seasons of growth. Rachel Hollis shares why comparison is the death of joy, especially in a world fueled by social media highlight reels, and how shifting your focus inward restores confidence and clarity. Dr. Robert Waldinger brings the science, revealing what decades of research say about happiness, fulfillment, and why chasing external validation never delivers lasting satisfaction. And Dean Graziosi gets real about how comparison can either paralyze you or fuel your next level, depending on how you use it. This mashup will challenge you to separate happiness from achievement, and to understand the difference between your higher self and lower self. I walk you through how to stop competing in areas where comparison only creates pain, while learning to harness it intentionally when it is time to grow, improve, and evolve. If you have ever felt behind, unfulfilled, or quietly frustrated despite doing “everything right,” this conversation will hit home. By the end of this episode, I want you to feel lighter, clearer, and more in control of your internal world. You were never meant to win someone else’s race. You were meant to master your own lane, live with intention, and build a life rooted in peace, progress, and purpose. Key Takeaways Why comparison is the root cause of unhappiness in nearly every area of life The difference between using comparison for misery versus using it for motivation How social media amplifies comparison and what to do to protect your peace What decades of happiness research reveal about fulfillment and self acceptance How to shift from external validation to internal confidence When comparison can be used as leverage to create meaningful change The mindset shift that allows you to pursue success without sacrificing joy This episode will help you put the weapon down when it is hurting you, and pick it up only when it can truly serve you. 👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠INSTAGRAM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FACEBOOK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LINKEDIN⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WEBSITE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 P.M. And my third day, 6:00 P.M. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff, borrow better.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an Ultra. Because it's not just a superior-like beer, it's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser-Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 1:36Ed Mylett?

  This is The Ed Mylett Show.

• 1:40Ed Mylett?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow The Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett. And today's program, I think, is gonna go a long way to help you find more happiness and more leverage to go become successful simultaneously. So, we're gonna talk today about comparison and how it affects our happiness level and how it can affect our drive level. Comparison in every area of our life can either be used as a weapon to create complete unhappiness in our life, or it can be utilized as a catalyst to help us succeed at the highest of levels. I want you to remember something. Comparison is the pathway to unhappiness.

• 2:24Ed Mylett?

  I'm telling you that in every area of your life where you find unhappiness, you will find comparison. In fact, the antithesis to that is also true. When there is no comparison, you cannot create unhappiness in your life. That's a pretty bold and powerful statement, but it's true. We only feel unhappy in our lives when we compare something to maybe something in our life that was a different time. Maybe perhaps when we were wealthier, or in a different relationship, or we were healthier on some level. Comparing our current conditions to previous ones, that comparison is what creates the unhappiness. It's actually not the condition itself. Or perhaps you're in a relationship where you compare it to a previous relationship you had and how they treated or how you felt at that time. Perhaps you compare this time in your life just to a simply a different time, and that

• 3:08Ed Mylett?

  comparison will always create unhappiness in your life. If you can remove yourself from comparing both yourself to a previous time in your life, a previous condition, a previous situation, or even comparing yourself to other people in your life, this is a recipe and a formula for unhappiness. Every single time in your life where you're experiencing unhappiness, you are doing a comparison to something. It's the contradiction between your current situation, current relationship, current body, current finances, current anything, and something exterior. Either a previous time in your life, a previous person in your life, or you comparing yours to someone else's. It is an insidious disease that so many people in society suffer from today, particularly

• 3:52Ed Mylett?

  because of the advent of social media. We watch someone's video of what they're doing on a Friday night, and it's not what they're doing that makes us unhappy, it's comparing what they're doing to what we're doing. That makes us unhappy. It's seeing people laughing and jovial or jet setting or seeming to be having a great time compared to what we're doing, and that creates unhappiness. It's not the success of people you know that's making you unhappy. It's you're comparing your situation to the success they're having that creates unhappiness in your life. So for those of you that are struggling and saying, you know, one of the things I suffer from is I'm just not very happy very often. I can tell you that that presence of unhappiness, you will always link to a comparison of some sort, either in your own life or in other people's lives.

• 4:36Ed Mylett?

  And just being aware of that fact and stopping the comparison, embracing this moment, embracing this time, knowing that you can't go back to that previous time, knowing that you can't be in somebody else's life. You're not going to have that other body right now. And so if you're looking to be happier, I can promise you, the number one key that I would give you is to stop the comparison game. You'd say, well, that's not completely true. I mean, what if someone passes away? That makes me unhappy. There's no comparison there. Let's take the most extreme example. Or when someone's sick in my family, you know, someone in my family's got a really bad illness, that makes me unhappy. That's not a comparison. In fact, it is. The fact of the matter is that when someone gets sick in your family or passes away,

• 5:20Ed Mylett?

  what you do in your mind is you compare it to when they were healthy. So that comparison of I wish they were healthier again, that is a comparison between the previous situation and the current condition. If someone passes away, it's comparing the time that you had them. That's why people say, if I could just have one more moment with them. If I could just have another conversation. It's comparing it to when you had the moment. It's comparing it to when you had the conversation. And so those are extreme examples. But if we reduce it all the way down to anything right now in your life that you say it brings me unhappiness, there's no joy there. There's a comparison happening that's not serving you. It's so important to take a look at it because I really believe most people think, and I've covered this before from a different angle, that if I can just change my exterior circumstances, I will be happier.

• 6:06Ed Mylett?

  And that's because they're comparing their current circumstances to someone else. That'd be like somebody sitting in their home who's unhappy in their current home. And saying, "What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna rearrange the house, and then I'll be happier." And so they rearrange the exterior furniture, the exterior conditions of the house. And then when they sit back down, they're still unhappy. So they go, "Okay, what I'll do is I'll rearrange the exterior of the house again, or the interior of it." They fix it again, and they're still unhappy. The reason that's so important is when you accept the fact that it's not the external conditions of your life that create happiness. What creates happiness in our life is realizing that we are not our possessions. We are not our titles. We are not our recognition. We are not our accolades. We are not our popularity.

• 6:50Ed Mylett?

  That we're perfect as we are. We're perfect as we are. Then we begin to accept ourselves and love ourselves as we are, is when we find true happiness. But comparing yourself to another time where maybe you had more recognition, you had a better title, you had more influence, will always lead you to a pathway of unhappiness. Now, I'm not talking about self-love in the sense that you just accept everything in your life and you sit around. What I'm suggesting to you is happiness and success are often two different things. Happiness comes from acceptance. Happiness comes from surrender and loving ourselves as we are. Because if we think we're just gonna rearrange the furniture and then we're happier, we still live in the house that is us.

• 7:32Ed Mylett?

  We are still housed, our souls, our hearts and our minds are still housed in the same home which is our body. And if we can't begin to love it without the comparison of some change, we're never going to love it. We will always be trying to exchange the furniture of our life. We'll always be trying to change the exterior. So many of you achievers are listening to this right now and you're nodding and you're saying, "My gosh, that's why I'm never happy. I'm always thinking if I could just exchange the furniture, if I could just change the external conditions, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy." And every time you switch the furniture, every time you change the conditions of your life, you find yourself very short-term finding happiness. And then right back to the unhappy state. That's because you keep comparing.

• 8:16Ed Mylett?

  Your situation to someone else's, no matter how good yours is, you have to compare it to someone else, someone else's recognition, someone else's well, someone else's supposed happiness, someone else's relationship, someone else's body, someone else's confidence. And that comparison is flooding you with unhappiness, no matter how good or how bad the external conditions of our lives are. Now, having said that, we've now found a formula, haven't we? That we know when we compare to something, it creates unhappiness in us. This is a key to success now. So we know to find happiness in our lives, we have to stop comparing. However, when there's an area we know we must change, stay with me here, when there's an area we know we must change,

• 9:00Ed Mylett?

  now we use comparison as a weapon to our advantage. Because most people are motivated by avoiding pain, right? That's their motivation, to avoid unhappiness. And so I use comparison as a weapon, as a catalyst, to get leverage on myself to change. So I'm very conscious, when I'm feeling unhappiness in an area that I'm not conscious of changing, to not do comparison. But when it's an area I must change, I do use comparison as my own weapon to get leverage. Because the gateway to get, people say to me all the time, "How do I get leverage? How do I get drive? How do I get that voiding pain thing?" Comparison, comparison, so it's a two-edged sword. We use it against ourselves too often in our life

• 9:44Ed Mylett?

  that gives us misery and unhappiness, and takes our bliss away. And not enough of us leverage the power of unhappiness using comparison to our advantage. For a perfect example, right now, I'm not in the physical shape that I want to be. I am comparing myself to the previous fit version of me. And this discomfort, this dislike, this pain, this unhappiness that I'm flooding myself with by using the weapon of comparison to my advantage, is a catalyst to get me going forward. I shared a story on social media the other day, I was at the gym, and I was working out and already not feeling great about how I've looked. I've had enough people comment, "Man, you're looking..." When you're a fit person, or if you're a male and you're kind of a, I don't know, a bodybuilder, whatever, but you have muscle on your body, when people... They haven't seen you for a long time.

• 10:28Ed Mylett?

  They'll say things like to you, "Hey, you're looking pretty lean. Look like you're slimming down." That's not what you want to say to someone who's sort of muscular, right? And that's usually code for, "You don't look as good. You're shrinking," right? And so I've been hearing that lately from people. I had a good friend of mine hug me the other day and he's like, "Wow, I can get my arms all the way around your back. You used to have these huge lats. Couldn't even get my arms around you. Your arms were so big, too." Like, wow. So I'm working out at the gym and a young man's behind me and I hear him say, "Hey, hey." And I finally lift my earphones off and he says, "Mr. Milet, would you please get out of the way so I can look at myself in the mirror when I'm working out?" I'm not kidding you. And I looked back at him and I went, "Are you crazy?" I won't even give you the words that I really said to him, right? And I just will leave it at that.

• 11:12Ed Mylett?

  So I let him know that that wasn't an appropriate thing to say to me. But what I did is I used it as leverage when I left there. I'm like, "My gosh, two years ago, no one would want me to get out of the way. No one would talk to me like that. But right now, I look so average or bad." He's like, "Get out of the way so I can look at somebody who's really jacked up and fit," right? And I'm leveraging that comparison to what I used to look like to my advantage that's causing me to eat cleaner. I'm telling you, since that's happened, every meal that's been put in front of me, I think about in slow motion. I can see it in slow motion. Him telling me to get out of the way and me feeling like the most out of shape, not fit, human being on earth. And what I was doing was comparing myself to the two-year ago version of me when I was much bigger.

• 11:55Ed Mylett?

  And that comparison is giving me leverage, okay? And so I will use leverage to get me to do things. I will let people... See, a lot of people say, "That would knock a lot of people down." But that's not what it did to me. It gave me fuel to my fire. The winners use fuel to their fire. They'll use comparison as a weapon. When I see people succeeding in different areas, I don't use the comparison of them doing it to create unhappiness with me. I will use it tactically in specific situations to cause me to want to move away from how I feel about that comparison, either to my previous body, my previous wealth, my previous energy, my previous influence. Mike, my cameraman, and I were just talking today. Outside and I said to him, you know, I used to be better speaker than I am now.

• 12:41Ed Mylett?

  And I said, man, if you'd have seen me years ago, you'd have seen the energy I brought, how dynamic I was, how articulate I was compared to this version of me now. And the reason I'm doing that is I want to get better as a speaker. I'm using that comparison. It makes, it gives me pain and unhappiness to think about the kind of communicator I am now compared to how I viewed the previous situation. So I compared it to give me leverage to improve, to give, to make it a catalyst to change. I understand when to use comparison and when not to. When I want to create a situation of change, I will leverage comparison to my advantage. When I want to create a situation of bliss and happiness and I'm feeling unhappy in an area, I just always evaluate what I'm comparing at that time.

• 13:24Ed Mylett?

  And I remove the comparison and it creates a happy situation. Remember this, when there's no comparison, there's always happiness. Where there is no comparison, unhappiness cannot exist. Comparison and unhappiness only coexist together. And so I will only leverage this very dangerous thing called comparison. When it's an area I must change in my life to get leverage. For those of you that want to create change, it's okay to leverage it from time to time. But when you become addicted to the mechanism of comparison to get you going, to competing to get you going all the time. When you're always competing against others, always comparing with others, people say, well, there's a difference between competing and comparing. Truthfully, not much.

• 14:08Ed Mylett?

  And the fact of the matter is to compete against somebody, you are typically comparing where you are to them. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but when you leverage that mechanism over and over, it's a pathway to unhappiness. When a woman goes out in the evening and she's feeling great about how she looks that evening. And she walks in and she immediately compares herself to the other people in the room. She will inevitably find a woman that she thinks is more attractive than her. And it steals your unhappiness for the entire evening. Men, same thing where, you know, maybe you've had some financial success and you're proud and you've gone out and you're whatever, your new car or your new suit. Or you've got a new watch on or whatever. You're just feeling good about yourself.

• 14:49Ed Mylett?

  And then immediately when you go out, you begin to compare yourself to other men or other people. And what it will do is immediately steal all your joy. Or if you're a couple and you're having a beautiful date night and you happen to observe, you're comparing to other couples in the restaurant, for example. And there's just some couple who's more affectionate, or holding hands differently, or he opened the door for her. And you immediately steal your joy and create unhappiness for the evening. When you compare the treatment of your partner in the relationship to how your girlfriend's husband or boyfriend treats them. Or if you're a male in a relationship and you compare it to how one of your friend's wives or girlfriends treats them. You've immediately created a formula for unhappiness.

• 15:31Ed Mylett?

  You will never win the comparison game if your outcome is happiness. You will win the comparison game if your outcome is change or pain avoidance. So you gotta get clear on what your outcomes are. There's areas of your life where comparisons should never exist. And in most times, that's your relationships with other people. Don't compare to a previous time in your relationship, because it'll create unhappiness. Don't compare to other relationships or other people. So I understand in my life where to use this weapon and where to put it down. And if you want to create more bliss, if you want to create more connection in your life, you need to learn to put the weapon, the very dangerous weapon, the very insidious weapon of comparison down most of the time. And only pick it up where you want massive change.

• 16:14Ed Mylett?

  And the truth of the matter is, there's probably one or two areas of your life at any given time that you're really working on changing. And you can harness the power of the comparative relationship to your advantage there. But what vast majority of us do, and I know this from my own experience, is we're always in comparison mode. We're comparing our home, our relationship, our fitness, our happiness, our strength, our energy, our looks, our brains, our accolades, our achievements to other people all the time. And we wonder why we live unhappy almost all of the time. It's because you're always comparing. You lose that every single time. You think, "Well, no, sometimes I compare and I'm ahead." It's not how your brain works. Your brain's eventually looking for the person that you lose to.

• 16:55Ed Mylett?

  Your brain is eventually gonna find the better-looking, funnier, wealthier, fitter, happier, better-relationship-having person to wire you for pain.

• 17:04Ed Mylett?

  It's a part of our brain that was wired all the way back for survival mode in order to keep us functioning. The reason that this is so important is we both have two parts of ourselves. We have a higher self and what I'd call a lower self. And it's okay to live in both those places, but most happy people live in their higher self state the vast majority of the time. The higher self state is very inward. They're focused on themselves. They're focused on creating bliss and happiness. And their only thing that they ever focus on outside of there is their spirituality, the universe, their god, their connection with something bigger than them. Our lower self is always external. But we need to have that lower self because that lower self is that catalyst that gets us to move. That lower self does compete. That lower self does compare.

• 17:48Ed Mylett?

  It's a matter of having a life of both of success and fulfillment. Happiness and achievement. Happiness is achieved in the higher self by not comparing and not going external. Not thinking the external furniture of life or external people or comparing outside of ourselves or comparing to a different time outside of ourselves. That person right there that doesn't do that, they end up living very happily. The person who achieves leverages the lower self by competing and comparing when needed. And remember this also. The more we begin to learn about ourselves is always a win. The more we have a breakthrough and a discovery. There's probably some things I've said today that have made you think. There's probably some things you're evaluating and seeing in yourself that maybe you were blind to before.

• 18:33Ed Mylett?

  And just that discovery is a win. The more we begin to evaluate and discover what our thoughts really are, what our behaviors seem to be, our habits and our patterns. The more we become self-aware, the more we have the capacity to live as the higher self. And the more powerful it is when we leverage the lower self and we leverage comparison. And so don't beat yourself up over what I've covered today. Self-awareness and self-discovery is what life's all about. And it's a win even if you discover something about yourself you're not proud of. Even if you discover something about yourself that you wish didn't exist or that you wanted to change. That's discovery. That awareness is 80% of the step to changing it. And so give yourself some credit today for being aware, for being honest. Oftentimes, when content like this is covered,

• 19:17Ed Mylett?

  people sort of like to check the box of who they'd like to be, and that it doesn't apply as opposed to who they really are. The truth is, everybody listening to this, and the man speaking this to you, is too often in the lower self, too often creating unhappiness in our lives, including me, by comparison to previous times, other people, other conditions in our lives. And so today, my challenge to you is to live as the higher self, to create more happiness with less comparison, to only leverage it when needed, but leverage it to achieve. But to find happiness will always found in the higher self, where we're not looking outside. You can probably tell, by the way I've delivered this to you today, that it's something that I'm working on myself. Self-awareness, self-discovery, self-improvement,

• 20:00Ed Mylett?

  and achievement are an ongoing process that never ends as we try to max out our lives. It's not something we figure out and now we've got it. There's always another level of awareness, of discovery, of performance, that we can find in our lives. And if today helped you do that just a little bit, an extra discovery, a little bit more awareness, maybe something you would teach to someone else. If it was just a little bit of a breakthrough, then today was progress. And it was for me just to be covering it. This episode is sponsored by Ro. A lot of people assume GLP-1's cost a fortune, and that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment. Ro helps people find a more affordable path to FDA-approved GLP-1 treatment. Ro wants to help people lose weight. That's why they have more affordable GLP-1 options, whether you're paying with insurance or cash.

• 20:44Ed Mylett?

  Ro's free insurance checker makes it easy to see if you're covered for GLP-1 injections. Just submit your insurance card and Ro handles the rest. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no confusing phone calls. And if insurance doesn't cover treatment, there are still options. Ro offers the lowest-cost, cash-pay FDA-approved GLP-1s, such as daily pills and multi-dose pens. I use products by Ro, and you should too. Go to ro.co/mylet to see if you qualify. That's R-O dot C-O slash my let to get started on Ro. For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including boxed warning, go to ro.co forward slash safety. Ro dot. CO slash safety. So when I end, when I end up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating and I spent

• 21:29Ed Mylett?

  a fortune in the first half of the place and I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff. And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution. Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand vetted by product specialists. They use a 10-point quality inspection system. Here's all I can tell you. The stuff has lasted over time. It looks great and I get compliments on it. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall or transform your space for Halloween. Use filters, custom photos and reviews to find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five-star reviews. 20 million. So transform your space with the pieces that hold up to real life.

• 22:12Ed Mylett?

  Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 22:28Ed Mylett?

  Start the interview with my next guest. Just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Awesome this day, right now, this lady to my left, been working so hard to get her on my show. This is Rachel Hollis, everybody. For those of you that don't know who she is, been living under a rock. And so I'm going to give her a proper introduction. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so excited.

• 22:55Rachel Hollis?

  Oh my gosh, I'm so, oh my gosh, of course. This is like a dream.

• 22:58Ed Mylett?

  It's gonna be awesome.

• 22:59Rachel Hollis?

  Yes.

• 23:00Ed Mylett?

  So this lady, if you don't know her, there's something wrong with you, but I'll give her the proper introduction. So she's written six books. Her sixth one has gone crazy and has made her a rock star, literally in the personal development world. She has a number one podcast in the world right now. Her book is blowing up. She's a sought-after speaker. She's got more speaking dates than she knows what to do with right now. And she's really making a difference in the world. She's changing the world. She's the new face of personal development. She is, I'm just going to tell you, there's just not enough women in this space. And then one comes along, it doesn't just kind of get into the space, but just literally dominates it and takes it over like you have. And so I have so many questions to ask you. Because our phone conversations have been so beautiful.

• 23:44Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Ed Mylett?

  Because you're so self-aware and honest. And I think that's what's made you resonate with so many women and men in the space. Because I want everyone that's listening to this, because I know the women right now are going, "Thank you for having her," and we've got your full attention. But I want the men to know something. There's not that many people in the personal development space where their content alters and moves me, and you do that for me. And so, men, you've got a lot to listen to today as well. And this lady has my full and complete endorsement, okay? I want you to...

• 24:12Rachel Hollis?

  You're so sweet.

• 24:13Ed Mylett?

  All to know that. I also want you to know something, everybody, that one of the reasons I do this show, and that it's so important to me that you were here today, is I just don't... I think the world is more divided, more divisive, and more angry than it's ever been.

• 24:25Rachel Hollis?

  Oh, my gosh, totally.

• 24:25Ed Mylett?

  And there needs to be a force for good in the world. And I think that force for good is real people. It's a grassroots movement. It's entrepreneurs. It's mothers. It's fathers. It's good people saying, "Hey, we love each other." We don't agree on everything, but we love each other. We're all put here as... The foundation of our faith is that we're all brothers and sisters, right? And so, we're here to help one another, and that's what this is doing today. You said something, the antidote to that in Girl, Wash Your Face, which if you've not gotten this book, men and women both go get this book. It's a... It's... I've probably never read a book so quickly. One thing about the book that's really interesting I wanted to tell you too is that usually when I have a book, I highlight the parts that I like. And this book was so good that I probably should have highlighted the parts

• 25:07Ed Mylett?

  that weren't meaningful to me, because there's so much just highlighter all over the book. It's really true. It's just like every page, I'm just like...

• 25:13Rachel Hollis?

  Thank you.

• 25:14Ed Mylett?

  One thing you say in there, she say, and this is true for all of us, we need to drop this. She say, "Comparison is the death of joy, and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday." So, speak to that just for a second.

• 25:25Rachel Hollis?

  Well, this is a massive... I don't know if men experience this, but this is a massive problem with women, is they're constantly comparing themselves to her life, to her Instagram feed, to her kids, to her marriage. They're comparing their real life to someone else's highlight reel.

• 25:40Ed Mylett?

  Sheesh.

• 25:40Rachel Hollis?

  And so, they are forever coming up lacking. They forever feel like they're not enough. And I get it because the the times that you tend to compare yourself are when you are most insecure about something. So you're like, well, I'm not sure how to do this. I'll look outside myself to find the answer. I always talk about when I was a new mom, that that was when I was most insecure. And so I would look at Pinterest, I would look at magazines, I would try and see like, how do celebrity moms do it? And then I would just cry in a puddle on the ground because I couldn't get it together. Like, oh, she's got six pack abs with a two-month-old baby and I'm still in the jeans that I was wearing, you know, at nine months. So comparison is the death of joy.

• 26:23Rachel Hollis?

  And not only does it kill your joy, it kills your motivation. It kills your energy or your desire to move forward. It makes you more insecure. And so I'm like, put your head down. It's like a math test in eighth grade. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Like, focus here. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing. Stop paying attention to her life and live your own.

• 26:43Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 26:44Rachel Hollis?

  You have, like, start in this space. The the the only person you have to be better than is who you were yesterday.

• 26:52Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 26:53Rachel Hollis?

  That is my, that's my why. That's my, that is what I am on earth. Like, what is my greatest value in the world is I want to be a better version of myself every day.

• 27:03Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 27:04Rachel Hollis?

  Like, I might not always get there, but every day I'm striving to be a better mom and wife and leader and teacher and writer and everything. It's like, man, whatever you're doing, do as unto the Lord. Like, every day I'm trying to be better. And so, like, it doesn't matter if I'm not as great as 50 million other people, as long as, like, am I better than I was yesterday? Yeah.

• 27:25Ed Mylett?

  What cogent advice. You're, you're special. Like, this, you're special. What you're doing is special. And so good. Along those lines, let me ask you some things people wouldn't ask you.

• 27:38Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Ed Mylett?

  Life's changed for you, right? And I think anytime, people listen to this, maybe you've stepped to a new level or a new space.

• 27:46Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 27:47Ed Mylett?

  You talk about anxiety earlier. I know the answer to this, but I want to answer it for them. But do you still find yourself with anxiety about the next level, the next space? Also, there's some pressure, I think, sometimes of, I've stepped out, I don't want to fall either. So, speak to that for those, there's different people at different levels, but there are people who's like, "I've got to a new level, I got to a new promotion," or "I have started a business." There's something new, and then that extra, I think anxiety can hit. Are you experiencing any of that? Why are you dealing with it? What's the solution?

• 28:16Rachel Hollis?

  Well, I'll tell, like, this is such an incredible story and like a brag on who you are and your heart. But after, the book surpassed everything. And I, for months after it came out, really struggled. It was very overwhelming for me, and I, if you can't tell, I'm a fixer. And I don't like to live in a state of any kind of suffering. So, for months, I'm struggling and I can't get past it. And I read every book and I'm listening to podcasts, I'm trying everything and I can't. And it was something, you said on your podcast one day, that really resonated with me. And it was like, it was the answer to prayer. After months of searching, you said something like, like with professional athletes that you had coached,

• 29:01Rachel Hollis?

  that there comes a time in their lives and careers where the success surpasses the vision that they had for themselves. And they will unintentionally start to self-sabotage because they're so uncomfortable with where they are. And that was me. And I was like, "Holy, holy crap." And it was as simple as you were like, "Dream a bigger vision."

• 29:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 29:22Rachel Hollis?

  You need a bigger vision. So, that was such a gift. But navigating this has been...

• 29:30Rachel Hollis?

  Has been a lot.

• 29:31Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Rachel Hollis?

  And it does feel like, holy smokes, this is a lot of responsibility and I do, now I have worked my butt off to get here.

• 29:41Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 29:41Rachel Hollis?

  But I also believe God gave me this platform.

• 29:44Ed Mylett?

  Both are true.

• 29:44Rachel Hollis?

  And so that is a massive responsibility and I want to do that well.

• 29:48Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 29:49Rachel Hollis?

  Um, so yeah, it's, it's a lot to, it's a lot to navigate.

• 29:51Ed Mylett?

  And I want to acknowledge that you're the right person and you were chosen to do this and you are special. Like your whole existence has prepared you for this moment. Like I really believe that about you. And one of the other things I've told you is that I also want to help you. Like I, I, I also think the other thing when you step into that new space is to dream that bigger vision and also to seek out and surround yourself with people who are going to support you and believe in you and push you and hold you accountable. And don't be afraid to ask for their help.

• 30:20Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 30:20Ed Mylett?

  People like me, people like you.

• 30:22Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 30:22Ed Mylett?

  At the right time, we want to be there for you. I want to help you create this change. Cause you're pioneering, you're trailblazing. Like in, in, in five years and in 10 years, there are going to be other, there are not going to be another you, but there are going to be other women in this space.

• 30:37Rachel Hollis?

  Absolutely.

• 30:38Ed Mylett?

  Creating a movement, making a difference. But you're really doing it right now, right? And I'm so, I'm so proud of you.

• 30:44Rachel Hollis?

  Yeah.

• 30:44Ed Mylett?

  And people today are seeing why. Like you're just a reservoir of realness, but also like real depth, real information. This content, you don't hear other places. And so. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I have to tell you something. Today is a topic I've wanted to discuss on the show since it started. And I've been looking for an expert. I've been looking for the right person to deliver this information. Today's topic is happiness and wellbeing. Longevity of your life as well, because they're correlated. And there is a study that is called the adult development, the study of adult development,

• 31:26Ed Mylett?

  which is the single most fascinating study of my lifetime. I can't even believe this study exists. I I literally can't. It's fascinating what they've been able to do here. And the man who was the current director of that study is my guest here today. He's also among many of his accomplishments. He's the professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. So he must know a little bit about what he's talking about, right? And we're going to talk today about the all time amazing study, eighty five years long, by the way, guys, almost, on happiness with real evidence. This stuff is not going to be opinion. This is evidentiary information. So, uh, Robert Waldinger, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  Thank you. I'm really glad to be here.

• 32:03Ed Mylett?

  You have to start out and take your time, please, by explaining the study first of all, because it's mind blowing what the four directors, I think there's been four directors of the study, if I'm correct, what has been able to happen in tracking these people, who they are, how it started. Let's elaborate on that first.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  Sure. So the study started in nineteen thirty eight. And it is the longest study of the same people across time that's ever been done. Seven hundred twenty four original people then brought in spouses, brought in children. So now we have two generations, over two thousand people, who've been studied year after year for their whole lives. And that's what's so unusual. Most research gets done in snapshots, just taking a snapshot today of something. Um, and so what's rare is that the study has continued. Usually studies close down because too many people drop out. Uh, do you want me to tell you a little bit about what's in the study like?

• 33:06Ed Mylett?

  Well, I, I, yeah, the first thing I think is first, because it's two very different groups of people that you studied, these men. I think it's important to know the backgrounds of the people that were studied so that the information is applicable to the people listening or watching.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  Absolutely. So started out with one very privileged group and one very underprivileged group. The privileged group was a group of Harvard College sophomores, nineteen-year-old guys who their deans thought were fine, upstanding young men. And they want, it was a study of sort of normal development from adolescence into young adulthood. So, you know, of course, if you want to study normal development, you study all white guys from Harvard, like, you know, we're possibly having to explain to NIH why they should still fund us. And then the other study was started at Harvard Law School, and it was a study of juvenile

• 33:59Speaker 04

  delinquency, but it was a study of how some children from Boston's poorest and most troubled families, how those kids were able to stay on good developmental paths and not get into trouble. And so it was a study of thriving, but a study of children who were born with so many strikes against them.

• 34:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. The fascinating, the fascinating part is some of those neighborhoods are where I was born. And so what's, what drew, yeah, that, yeah, right. So that's what drew me to this study is because I'm at a stage of my life now where I do interact with people that have come from privileged backgrounds in their life. And obviously, I have some privilege based on, you know, my ethnicity, et cetera. But, but to interact with different people, and I've always had this fascination to people from these wealthy backgrounds or privileged backgrounds end up being happier than people from a not so privileged background or a neighborhood like where I grew up. And the data is

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Do you want the spoiler or no?

• 34:57Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, let's do the, let's, let's do the spoiler first, and then we're going to talk about what actually leads to real happiness, everybody today. But spoiler alert is what? I, I, I'm really open to knowing myself.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Okay, the spoiler is that the, the well-to-do privileged people were not, on average, happier than the inner-city underprivileged group.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  No different.

• 35:19Ed Mylett?

  Well, no different though. So the underprivileged group wasn't necessarily happier than the privileged group either, though, correct?

• 35:25Speaker 04

  That's correct. That's correct. And then, you know, there was variation. We had some really happy people in both groups, some really unhappy people in both groups and everything in between.

• 35:34Ed Mylett?

  Okay. So one last thing I want everybody to understand, and we're going to get to the data. Because, listen, ultimately, the game of life, I had a situation happen. I'll share this with you. Several years ago, I've had the good fortune of building wealth in my life and I was building this very beautiful mansion, my first one I ever built. And it was a very stressful day and I was in a bad mood and I was angry. And I walked into what was the kitchen of this home that was being built for me. Really angry with the contractor and life and, you know, you just all about me in the moment. And as I walked in, the gentlemen that were working in on my kitchen, the Finnish carpenters were all people from Mexico, men from Mexico. And they had their mariachi music playing and they were dancing and singing and doing work

• 36:18Ed Mylett?

  that they were excellent at doing and loving their craft and being good at it and enjoying the company and the other relationships of the other men that were working with them. And I remember watching them thinking they're not making any money. They're sending most of this money back home to their family just to survive. Frankly, probably most of them aren't even in our country legally at the time. And I remember thinking to myself, if the game of life is happiness, they're winning and I'm losing.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:46Ed Mylett?

  And, and it was a really watershed moment for me in my life that I think this work really points to as well. And so that's why your work matters so much to me. One last thing I want to have them understand too is the nature of the study, everybody. I'll let you elaborate, but this is not just about sending somebody a survey and they answer it back. The, some of the intimacy of even the connections that you have with these people in their homes even. So elaborate on that so they know the depth of the study.

• 37:13Speaker 04

  Oh yeah. So when they came into the study, you know, all boys and young men, workers went to their homes, interviewed their parents, wrote notes about what was being served for dinner, what the disciplinary style was, all those things. And then elaborate medical exams of the young men, psychological exams. And then as they went through their lives, we began to bring online different methods of studying wellbeing. So, audiotaping them, videotaping them, talking to their partners about their biggest fears. We drew blood for DNA, which I think is so cool because in 1938, DNA wasn't even imagined.

• 37:57Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  And here we were studying it, putting people in the MRI scanner and scanning their brains while we showed them different pictures. We brought them into our laboratory and deliberately stressed them out and then saw how they recovered from stress. So all of this as different angles on the same big question about what makes people thrive as they go through life.

• 38:23Ed Mylett?

  How do you measure happiness? That was the last thing I wanted to understand. How do you know if they're happy?

• 38:29Ed Mylett?

  So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time? That sweater that kind of just goes with everything or these perfect pair of pants? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high quality wardrobe staples with premium materials like a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. It's what I'm wearing right now. They give you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the price tag. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees and polos, and breathable activewear. Quality basics designed to work with your wardrobe and hold up to everyday wear. I love their cotton tees. I'm wearing one now and I get a ton of compliments when I wear them on the podcast and when I speak. So find your next fall favorites at

• 39:13Ed Mylett?

  Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada. Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash ed. So you know, I've been trying to take my health and my morning routine to the next level. And I used to do a whole bunch of different stuff, tons of different supplements. And then I found all in one in a drink with I am eight. I am eight is the way to simplify your supplement routine. Finally, once and for all, 16 supplements replaced 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink. You can have all these supplements for $2.61 a day. I've changed my mornings, the whole I am eight routine has changed my mornings.

• 39:57Ed Mylett?

  I feel great and I bring energy to the entire day. Go to I am eight health dot com slash ed 10 right now. Or click the link in the description and use code ed 10 for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order. That's code ed 10 at I am eight health dot com slash ed 10. Code ed 10 at I am eight health dot com slash ed 10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Well, we asked people, that's one way. But you know, we had people who said they were happy, but didn't look happy. So we asked other people, do you think your partner is happy? Do you think your dad's happy? You know, so we asked that. We also videotaped them like having an argument with their partners and then watched like how angry did they get? Was their affection still there? So we, we did all kinds of things as a way to get at happiness from different angles.

• 40:57Ed Mylett?

  It's amazing, you guys, I told you all, so here we go. Now we're going to get into it. Now we've laid the groundwork. So what's it turn out? Let's just, let's, it's not a complete spoiler alert because there's so many layers to this. But what makes one happy? Is it the pursuit of a goal? Is it wealth, achievement, religion? What are the things that you found make somebody happy?

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, we found that it wasn't those things. So it wasn't wealth. It was not achievement. It wasn't fame. And we had people who had all those things in our study. Some other people, you know, we had John F. Kennedy.

• 41:35Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  We had Ben Bradley, longtime editor of the Washington Post. And I can only tell you those names because they talked about it themselves. Otherwise, we protect everybody's privacy. But wealth, fame, achievement, didn't do it. Religion didn't do it. Now, what that means is it didn't mean that they made you unhappy. It meant that wealth, fame, high achievement, religion are simply different from well-being, different from happiness. Okay? Now that said, what that means is we have famous people who were happy, famous people who were unhappy, all the way down the line, right?

• 42:15Speaker 04

  Now, that said, what we also know is that having your basic material needs met is crucial to your happiness. So

• 42:25Ed Mylett?

  Interesting.

• 42:26Speaker 04

  But when they do studies of this, they've studied, well, how much does your happiness go up as you make more money? And what they find is that your happiness does go up until you reach about seventy-five thousand dollars a year annual household income. This is a few years ago in the US. But basically, to have your basic needs met. And that then, after that, as you make more and more money, you know, up to seventy-five million, you know?

• 42:56Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  A billion, your happiness doesn't go up much, a little bit, not really very much.

• 43:01Ed Mylett?

  Interesting.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  And that's important.

• 43:04Ed Mylett?

  I like the distinction you made. What is important, too, is that happiness is an emotion. So as your wealth goes up, you may potentially be able to contribute more, give more. There are things of that nature, protect people. So it's not that there aren't positive emotions correlated with achievement or wealth, but happiness turns out not to be one of them.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  Well, you know, and let me qualify that a little bit, Ed, because it's important. Like, so getting a badge of achievement, so the ultimate achievement, what, the Nobel Prize? Doesn't make you happier or less happy. But doing work that's meaningful to you, that does make you happy. That is a source of fulfillment.

• 43:48Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  So it's not the badge itself, but doing the work. So let's say, you know, you're bringing a lot of ideas to a lot of people. And I expect that means something to you. I expect you care about that.

• 44:01Ed Mylett?

  You're right.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  And we think of that as a source of well-being, a source of happiness.

• 44:06Ed Mylett?

  Well, I think it's correlated to where you're going, though. I, I think contribution involves something in life, which is other human beings. And so the nature of your work is so profound, because if people can really understand this, they can link it back to the contributions and achievements of their life, because they involve where you believe real wealth comes from after this study, which is where I want you to really elaborate on this, because I think everyone needs to hear this. This is it, guys. Like, this is a moment in many of your lives where it's going to confirm with you intuitively, probably what you already probably think, but maybe needs confirmation and maybe needs more intention, a little bit more focus. I think sometimes like, I'm going to be more intentional about getting more money,

• 44:47Ed Mylett?

  or I'm going to be more intentional about getting a bigger house or getting this promotion. And when I get there, then I'm going to be happier than I am now. And we've, we put our intentions there, potentially most of our lives and many of the people in the study, missing the very thing that would have brought them the emotion everyone on earth wants more of. They, you don't want the jet. You want the jet because you think it'll make you happier. You don't want to be fit and super ripped and attractive. You think it'll make you happier. And so what we're really seeking, that conversation behind everything, in my opinion, is we want to be happier. And, and so what is that thing? You, you go ahead and elaborate.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  Well, that thing is our relationships with other people. What we found studying these thousands of lives is that the people who had The warmest connections with other people and who made that a priority in their lives. They were happiest as they went through their lives, but also they stayed healthiest and they lived longer.

• 45:48Ed Mylett?

  Interesting.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  And that's the thing, actually, we didn't believe that when we started to find it. In the nineteen eighties, our data began to show this and we thought, oh, this might be a fluke. This might not be real. And then other studies began to find the same thing. Because the question was, I mean, it stands to reason, I'll be happier if I have happy relationships. But how could good relationships make it less likely that you get coronary artery disease? Or type two diabetes or arthritis? Like, how could that be? So now we've been spending the last ten years in our lab and many other labs have been studying this. Trying to understand how do relationships actually get into your body and shape your physiology?

• 46:35Speaker 04

  And so that's what we're studying.

• 46:37Ed Mylett?

  Is it the amount of relationships you have or the quality of the ones that you maintain in your life?

• 46:44Speaker 04

  It's not the amount. So there's no set number. Like, one of the things we know is that we're all, like, some of us are introverts, shy, some of us are extroverts. No, nothing wrong with being shy. Um, and we know that that introverts want fewer people in their lives, that being with a lot of people is exhausting for introverts. And that's perfectly healthy and normal. So there's no set number of friends or connections you should have. What we do believe is that everybody needs at least one or two relationships that where they feel like this person will be there for me if I really need them.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  That what at one point, we asked our original participants, we said,

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Who could you call in the middle of the night if you were sick or scared? List everybody and most of our folks could list, you know, several people, but some of them could not list anyone. And some of those people were married and they couldn't list anyone.

• 47:48Ed Mylett?

  No way. Wow.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. So we think that everybody, whether you're shy or a party animal, you need at least one or two people who are your go-to safety net people.

• 48:00Ed Mylett?

  That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on with the show.

• 48:09Lewis Howes?

  There's something unique about you, Ed, that's no one else. And I'm not saying this because you're here. I don't think I've said this to anyone on the show. There's someone unique about you that I don't think I've ever experienced around anyone else. There's an essence, there's a presence, there's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's like this essence about you.

• 48:28Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 48:29Lewis Howes?

  And I'm really curious, what do you think made you you? What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now? Was it the, you know, pre-13, kind of everything that happened with your parents? Was it stuff more from school? Was it a relationship that really kind of flipped these things on for you? What were the elements early on that made you this commanding, kind presence today?

• 48:57Ed Mylett?

  Well, thank you for that. I, uh, thank you. That's nice to hear. I, um, because by the way, I love people that have that combo. Like, I love people with a lot of self-confidence, a lot of humility. Because people with a lot of humility that have no self-confidence, you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend. Some with all their self-confidence, no humility, they're going to burn out. They're going to make a mistake. They're not curious. They don't grow. I think that, I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space, why do I believe so much that people can change? I watched my dad do it. And then in my case, I had to learn these things, man, to be like a baseline functioning person. So my default personality.

• 49:32Ed Mylett?

  Is insecure.

• 49:34Lewis Howes?

  Even today?

• 49:35Ed Mylett?

  Even today.

• 49:35Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 49:36Ed Mylett?

  Very much.

• 49:36Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:37Ed Mylett?

  Very much.

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  How is that the fault? You wake up and you say, I'm a nobody, or what? What's the story?

• 49:42Ed Mylett?

  I lack this, I'm fooling everybody.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:44Ed Mylett?

  They really knew, you know. Uh, pretty, some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous, I was bullied as a kid, my dad was an alcoholic, I wasn't a real big guy. The only thing, I wasn't good in school, the only thing I was good at was sports. A lot like with you, you were a great athlete. So, my default is tons of insecurity. So that's probably never gonna go away, the humility part. So the part that I've worked on really hard is the self-confidence part. And so I've got all this stuff in the book on those tips and what have I done to build it? Cause I had to get there just to get to baseline. And then I'm like, this stuff works. What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So, the confidence part is a thing I'm always gonna have to work on.

• 50:29Lewis Howes?

  Even today, even with all the success and the, you know, the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see?

• 50:36Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. The truth is.

• 50:37Lewis Howes?

  What else do you need though, to feel more confident?

• 50:39Ed Mylett?

  I don't need other things, it's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary. So I don't need another, you know, I bought an island lately, you know that, right? Like, when I bought this island, it didn't give me, it didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do. But I, I, it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to like, help other people. When I'm not doing that, um, Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're gonna change the world, Ed Milat. And I'm like, and he, then he, I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come up together. In Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach, that's where he lived. Yeah, I was running on the beach and we.

• 51:23Lewis Howes?

  What was he like? I never met him.

• 51:25Ed Mylett?

  Incredible. So, we became a dear friend of mine, but I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this, I'd won this incentive trip. And there's this bald dude running towards me with his hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty hairy back. And it was so long ago, cause I had a Sony Walkman on. And he had one, and he ran by me, I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine and he pulls it, he goes, well, I doubt that.

• 51:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 51:51Ed Mylett?

  And he goes, I bet you changed your life. But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me and I get emotional like God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it, he goes, you're gonna change the world. And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people and he's like, and it's you're very talented. You're brilliant. You're a good communicator, you know. And he goes, and that's not the reason why. And he was writing a book at that time called The Power of Intention.

• 52:18Lewis Howes?

  That's a great book.

• 52:19Ed Mylett?

  Great book.

• 52:20Lewis Howes?

  Incredible book.

• 52:20Ed Mylett?

  And he goes, you really intend to help people. And he goes, all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that, Ed. He goes, that's all made you. And he goes, you have such a heart to wanna help people. And he goes, would you do me a favor if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting many times. I said, yeah. And he said, never link your confidence to your ability. Cause I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always gonna be chasing it. He goes, but if you'd link your confidence to your intentions. Man, do you have beautiful intentions. And that is something I knew about me. I know I have a good heart. And I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent. You know, and it's, it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence.

• 53:03Ed Mylett?

  Cause if you said, hey, Ed, you gotta be confident because you're great, or you got a house, or you have a plane. I go, yeah, but, yeah, but. But if you go, you gotta be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help people, I go.

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  I might have to list you.

• 53:15Ed Mylett?

  You might be right. And that's where my confidence comes from.

• 53:18Lewis Howes?

  So as an athlete, I gained confidence from results. From actually getting the result of becoming better.

• 53:26Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that's one way to get it.

• 53:27Lewis Howes?

  I was not good. And then I put in the effort.

• 53:30Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 53:30Lewis Howes?

  And all the mistakes or the failures or the feedback, well, I like to call it. Gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to accomplish the result that I was looking for. Achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So I'm hearing you say is link, also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort, right? Like the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up. And others talk about the results.

• 53:55Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 53:55Lewis Howes?

  Should we be thinking about it?

• 53:57Ed Mylett?

  There's two, I have a whole, I call it the holy trilogy in the book of self-confidence.

• 54:01Lewis Howes?

  What is this?

• 54:01Ed Mylett?

  But the confidence trilogy is faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in. It's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in, they're a Christian like me. And I believe in both, by the way.

• 54:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:14Ed Mylett?

  But whatever their faith is, that they have it on Sunday, they have it in Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate. But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone then, but you're not alone these other times? So I'm never alone. So that's number one. Number two is my intention. And third is my associations change my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self-confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself.

• 54:39Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 54:39Ed Mylett?

  You have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself. We've all heard this before, but there's a level. I have a book, chapter in the book called "One More Standard." Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. And it's exactly what you just said. It's an effort play. If you don't have self-confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself. Check that box. If you have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self-confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more. So if I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna work out, I'm gonna do 10 reps in the gym, I do one more. If I'm gonna do 45 minutes on the treadmill, I do one more. If I wanna make 10 contacts in a day, I do that and one more.

• 55:22Ed Mylett?

  If I'm gonna tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm gonna do that and one more. And so that higher standard, because in life, we don't get our goals, we get our standards long-term. And so if your standard is one more, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do, and I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations, and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self-confidence and never lack humility when you have it.

• 55:50Lewis Howes?

  So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad or the honor was this?

• 55:53Ed Mylett?

  It's from my dad. So we talked about this, you know, a little bit earlier, but my dad had these couple theories he would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was gonna stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house. There's no like, my jet, you know, I've had, I've been blessed, like multiple airplanes, right, in my life. My jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never been on any of them.

• 56:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 56:17Ed Mylett?

  And I would say to my dad, I would say, hey, let's go play golf in Maui. Let's go, there's these great golf courses in the ocean. And my dad would say, well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino? It's not about there, I wanna be with my son. So this, my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer. And my dad would always say, You know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time. One choice. And he'd say, Eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, Dad? And he'd go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think. But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system and it always keeps it that far away from you.

• 56:58Lewis Howes?

  So how do we bring our dreams closer to us?

• 57:01Ed Mylett?

  The first thing is, that's a great question. The first thing is you need to believe and know that your one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one something away from a completely different life. And when you know that, then you begin to look for them. And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the matrix. And your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life. Okay? And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, an example of it is, I just, I like what Musk is doing. So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today.

• 57:32Lewis Howes?

  I got a Tesla too. Model X or what do you got?

• 57:34Ed Mylett?

  I got a Plaid.

• 57:35Lewis Howes?

  Okay, wow.

• 57:36Ed Mylett?

  A Plaid, it's a good one.

• 57:36Lewis Howes?

  Nice.

• 57:37Ed Mylett?

  And so I bought this Plaid and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas.

• 57:41Lewis Howes?

  You see them everywhere.

• 57:42Ed Mylett?

  I'm like, whoa.

• 57:43Lewis Howes?

  I see them everywhere.

• 57:43Ed Mylett?

  The other way, three lanes over, other side, freaking Tesla, this is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my RAS. So the key thing, I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life. When you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this. But there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you. The other component too, I have a chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever. Here's how most people's framework works. They don't have an RAS program, they're not intentional, so they keep getting. If the things most important to you are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places and things revealed to you that confirm it.

• 58:27Ed Mylett?

  And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things. You need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful. When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought. And that space is now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is, it tries to furnish that space, whether it's a negative or a positive thought. It starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why like when you're in a crowded room and they say, Louis, you can hear Louis auditorily over all the noise.

• 59:12Ed Mylett?

  Why? It's in your RAS. It's why you see the Tesla, okay? So, the key thing is being able to operate out of this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why? Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't have one. And slowly over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software into you. Because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. And so now you're starting to operate out of history and memory. And you repeat it and your RAS begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory.

• 59:57Ed Mylett?

  And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions. You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me, every call, bro, till the day he died and I'm 50 years old, blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about. Last thing he would always say to me, "Be careful. Be careful." And I go-

• 1:00:18Lewis Howes?

  Careful with what?

• 1:00:19Ed Mylett?

  I don't know! I never knew! But what is that programming from the time you're eight years old? Be careful. Hey, go to school. Be careful. So with that, it operated out of this fear thing, right? All of that, "I need to be careful, I need to be careful. But don't make this risk, don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast, don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this, don't do that." You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person. He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars, "Be careful." He didn't even know he was saying it to me. But what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the four, five, six emotions you experience pretty regularly,

• 1:01:03Ed Mylett?

  might be very familiar from your parents, one or two of them, right? And so you need to look at your emotional home.

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of?

• 1:01:13Ed Mylett?

  Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. We will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know, you'll do anything for love, right? So, love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, like, I love you. And like, when I just saw you, we didn't just, like, people, we didn't just hug for like, one second.

• 1:01:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Ed Mylett?

  And you do this better than I do.

• 1:01:36Lewis Howes?

  I hold people, I make it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people.

• 1:01:39Ed Mylett?

  But it's not uncomfortable, bro.

• 1:01:40Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 1:01:40Ed Mylett?

  Because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people.

• 1:01:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:45Ed Mylett?

  And you come from that place. And I know we're bigger dudes and like, like, that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love. That's a sign of real strength. So, that's the most powerful one. And then, for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have, it's chaos.

• 1:02:01Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:02:01Ed Mylett?

  I-

• 1:02:02Lewis Howes?

  How often do you experience chaos?

• 1:02:03Ed Mylett?

  Less because I'm aware of it. But I'm gonna tell you, all the time till about five years ago, even when we first met. Why? I used to, I used to even say this, "Man, I operate great under chaos." "Man, you should see me operate under chaos." "Most people can't handle chaos." "I'm calm under pressure." Well, the reason for that was, I grew up in an alcoholic home. So, I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us. And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions, I say this in the book, there just are.

• 1:02:34Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:02:34Ed Mylett?

  Fear isn't negative. It, fear in abundance is negative. But some fear, being afraid to do this podcast, say, to some extent, causes us to prepare. So, a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman days, so T-Rex didn't eat us, right? So, some fear's good, some anxiety's okay. Some frustration, some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay, it's fun, it's exciting, it's exhilarating, right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so, how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, I'll do it, I'm like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing again. Everything's great right now.

• 1:03:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:18Ed Mylett?

  All the houses are paid off, my kids are happy, married to a great woman, got great friends. I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? You dummy, you're doing it again. And it kind of loses its power over you. So I have a chapter in the book called One More Emotion. And how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love and the one I don't want is chaos. Because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me.

• 1:03:41Lewis Howes?

  And your intentions are not going to be as, I guess.

• 1:03:44Ed Mylett?

  It's pure. It's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress. Chaos gives me anger. Chaos gives me frustration. Chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway emotion.

• 1:03:55Lewis Howes?

  What is the result when you create from that space of chaos?

• 1:03:59Ed Mylett?

  It's funny. I have been, I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive.

• 1:04:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:04:06Ed Mylett?

  But stay with me on this. But the process in getting there is destructive. The process in getting there is not beautiful. And I used to think, and a lot of successful people.

• 1:04:16Lewis Howes?

  Forcing your way to get the results.

• 1:04:17Ed Mylett?

  Almost through force, you know? And the, and I still do it sometimes. I'm thinking of a situation this week where I did it. And I used to think, well, that's a superpower though, because I've created all these external.

• 1:04:28Lewis Howes?

  Look what I made.

• 1:04:28Ed Mylett?

  Look what I did. And I'm doing it because of that. The truth is, I did it in spite of it.

• 1:04:33Lewis Howes?

  You did.

• 1:04:33Ed Mylett?

  And there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to. That you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things.

• 1:04:43Lewis Howes?

  So you're 51 now, 52, 51? When you were 40, on a scale of one to 10 of the, the self-confident happiness joy scale. 10 being like you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you were had inner peace, you know, joy. One being you hated yourself, you were miserable, you're in chaos 24/7. Where were you on that scale at 40?

• 1:05:07Ed Mylett?

  Okay, the real answer is probably a three.

• 1:05:10Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:05:11Ed Mylett?

  Of happiness. And, but if you met me. I could convince you that it was probably an eight.

• 1:05:17Lewis Howes?

  That you were super happy and you had it together.

• 1:05:19Ed Mylett?

  Probably a three.

• 1:05:20Lewis Howes?

  And since your father passing, where are you now?

• 1:05:24Ed Mylett?

  Probably a nine.

• 1:05:25Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:05:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, and I no longer feel the need to convince you. Because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy. I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences. And I gotta share something with you, brother, that just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book. And two weeks ago, I had this, this is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.

• 1:06:00Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:06:01Ed Mylett?

  And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always, you're not this.

• 1:06:06Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 1:06:07Ed Mylett?

  It always shocks people, even people that know me really well. They're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it, right?

• 1:06:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're too confident, too talented, too.

• 1:06:15Ed Mylett?

  And I don't know that I'm too talented, but I think I can fake it pretty well. And I disqualify myself because, you know, the truth is that maybe for a while, everything that I got that was love when I was a child only came when I achieved something. So I started to conflate early on in my life, recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight A's. And so then, when I would feel these things. But something really ama- and also like, I'm really big at holding myself, I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that, I should have done this, I didn't do that.

• 1:06:53Ed Mylett?

  And I've always thought, these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine, disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that. But this is just two weeks ago. 3:15 in the morning, I wake up, I'm crying.

• 1:07:21Speaker 06

  And I wake Christiana up, I go, babe, someone helped dad. And she went, what honey? I said, someone helped dad? She goes, what do you mean? I said, babe, I never thought about this. In my dad's darkest, worst moment of his life. In some coffee shop or some room somewhere, some precious soul helped my dad. Reached out to him, talked to him. Talked to him and got him sober. Wow. And I said, babe, that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's lives, or your life, or the millions of people I've helped, that one decision they made. And she goes, oh my gosh. I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being. Always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him.

• 1:08:04Speaker 06

  And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad?

• 1:08:11Speaker 06

  Their messed up life. They were an alcoholic, they were a drug addict. Little did that person know, the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives, when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing, that was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of, I'm not qualified because I made this mistake, I had this bankruptcy, this relationship didn't work, I did this thing you don't know about, I'm so ashamed of. And that's why you're qualified. That's the thing that qualifies you. The humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are, and your experience. And real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent, saying, I know where you are, I've messed up worse.

• 1:08:56Speaker 06

  I've made greater mistakes, I've felt more, I know that depression, I know that anxiety, I know that shame, I know what that feels like. That beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father. In the lowest moment of his life, they changed my dad's life. And they're changed mine, and maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess. It's crazy. Is that crazy? That's amazing. I know, I know. Love them and thank them. That's amazing, man.

• 1:09:33Ed Mylett?

  Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times. So you are now breaking a record, brother. You are a ratings machine. But more importantly, you bring such value every time you're here. And when we're done talking, every single time we've done this, I go, oh, my gosh, this is going to get millions of downloads because it made me better. And every time I'm with you, I feel better. I smile more. I feel better about myself. And I learned things about how to win, how to succeed, how to persevere.

• 1:10:16Ed Mylett?

  So Dean Graziosi, welcome back to the show, my brother.

• 1:10:19Dean Graziosi?

  So good to be here. And I have to tell you, you're the best. You're the most gracious host ever. And to this day, still, our two podcasts.

• 1:10:27Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:10:28Dean Graziosi?

  Every day, I send you some of them. Every day, I'm like, best podcast ever, best. And I've been on a lot. And it's because you're so gracious, because you care so much. And the reason people are following you and listening, and I know I'm speaking for the people listening, is because they know you care.

• 1:10:42Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:10:42Dean Graziosi?

  They know that you have me here for a third time, not for any other reason, except you think it will bring more value. And I hope, I hope I don't let everybody down. You've got a lot of options. You're here with us. It'll bring more value to them. And that's why I love your success. I love how your book is crushing it.

• 1:10:56Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:10:57Dean Graziosi?

  The world needs more Ed.

• 1:10:58Ed Mylett?

  There's a lot of talk in personal development about breaking patterns. I talk about it all the time. You do. Tony does. There's also a lot of power in leveraging them. And this idea, there's two things that are going to move every human being, Dean's told you. It's either to avoid pain, moving from pain, or to gain pleasure.

• 1:11:14Dean Graziosi?

  Absolutely.

• 1:11:14Ed Mylett?

  And usually, most human beings, I think in general, pain avoidance is the stronger of the mechanism. But it works for both people. You need to know which one moves you. So you've already said, yours is pain avoidance.

• 1:11:25Dean Graziosi?

  Yep.

• 1:11:25Ed Mylett?

  Right? So is mine. The truth is, I've become a pretty big dreamer visionary guy, but I wasn't.

• 1:11:30Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah, it took me a long time to get there.

• 1:11:31Ed Mylett?

  A long time to get there. And the fact is, I only really got really good at that after certain dreams were achieved. But why? I had to figure out which one moves me more. Okay, avoiding pain moves me more, even to this day. Why? It's more familiar to me.

• 1:11:45Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Ed Mylett?

  I grew up in pain. So go take a look at the video of your life. Did you grow up in a really beautiful environment with lots of love and dreams and bliss and all this great stuff? Maybe your mover is more dreams and bliss. If you grew up in some pain, chaos, angst, fear, anxiety, stress, that's probably your pattern. And instead of trying to spend all your life breaking that pattern, there's parts of it you need to break, your behavior from it. But the mechanism itself for change for me is pain. And pain avoidance. I'm familiar with lots of pain. And so to this day, why do I prepare for speeches or podcasts or things so bad? Is it because I want the pleasure of a great podcast? Yeah, that's there.

• 1:12:22Dean Graziosi?

  You don't want to screw up?

• 1:12:22Ed Mylett?

  I don't want to screw up.

• 1:12:23Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:24Ed Mylett?

  I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want it not to be good. Why do I work so hard? Is to make difference in the world, obviously.

• 1:12:29Dean Graziosi?

  You, I don't think anybody listening would know the kind of work you put in it. Seriously.

• 1:12:33Ed Mylett?

  Or you either.

• 1:12:34Dean Graziosi?

  I don't think they'd know that you started at 3:30, gonna do four podcasts, then you're gonna jump, you're gonna go take a suit, you're gonna go do an event tonight, you're gonna get up in the morning, fly someplace. I don't think anybody would realize that. Are you doing that because you want to sell more books? Or are you doing it because you don't want to sell just one?

• 1:12:47Ed Mylett?

  I'm doing it because I don't want to just sell one.

• 1:12:49Dean Graziosi?

  Right. And now, now you've evolved because you know every time a book gets in someone's hand, you get to change their lives.

• 1:12:54Ed Mylett?

  I do. So you just nailed it. I was just gonna say, the other part of it is impact for me.

• 1:12:56Dean Graziosi?

  Right, so you know the impact.

• 1:12:58Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:12:58Dean Graziosi?

  But you're not saying, but I know for a fact, you're getting up tomorrow morning subconsciously.

• 1:13:02Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:13:03Dean Graziosi?

  Not saying, I'm getting up tomorrow because I don't want to sell. You're getting up subconsciously because you don't want to fail. Because that pain hurts.

• 1:13:08Ed Mylett?

  It's a major.

• 1:13:09Dean Graziosi?

  And everybody told us we weren't gonna make it, and our parents probably thought we weren't gonna make it, and all that kind of stuff.

• 1:13:13Ed Mylett?

  It's a major driver. And by the way, my impact, stay with me on this, because I know you're this way too, because you grew up in pain. The impact I make still comes from pain, meaning this. I know so many people are in pain, and because I connect with their pain, their lack of belief in themselves, they're feeling invisible, they're hurting right now, they want to be happier. That connection of pain is still the impact I want to make. So a lot of it is connected somehow to pain in my life, and it is for you too. It's like, one is avoiding the pain of failing, or not being successful, or not ending up in heaven, which is that picture of who I'm capable of becoming. Like, do I really want to just get to heaven? Or is it the pain of not becoming that man? It's both. But also even the impact part where I go, I want to make an impact in people's lives. It's because I connect with pain. I connect with the discomfort.

• 1:13:57Dean Graziosi?

  And you want to get it out of them.

• 1:13:58Ed Mylett?

  I want to get it out of them.

• 1:13:59Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:00Ed Mylett?

  So that's a major driver for me is pain. And I know my map and I know my pattern. And that's why so many athletes, by the way, when their career is over, they have a very difficult time. One, their identity was tied to their athleticism, but also there's no pain to avoid anymore. Now they're getting pat on the back. You were great. I loved your games. There's no pain to avoid. There's nothing to feel. So I gotta think you're that way, too.

• 1:14:18Dean Graziosi?

  I am. And, and the only reason I share that is because I hope you don't use pain to be successful for the rest of your life. But you can use it as that launching pad.

• 1:14:28Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it's a leverage.

• 1:14:29Dean Graziosi?

  And you can use as a launching pad to start the business, to show up for the challenge, to play full out, to do something uncomfortable, right? The, the term I've been using since COVID is we all need to take more uncomfortable action.

• 1:14:39Ed Mylett?

  Did it surprise you that I said I don't want to just sell one book? Or did you think that's what I was gonna say?

• 1:14:42Dean Graziosi?

  I knew that's what you were gonna say.

• 1:14:43Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 1:14:43Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah. Because it's me, right? I play like I'm 10 points down. Tony and I are doing this challenge, right? We're gonna put a million people in it. That's the goal. Last year we put 900,000 in, right?

• 1:14:52Ed Mylett?

  Crazy.

• 1:14:53Dean Graziosi?

  And it changed a million people's lives, right? This year, I, I attacked this, Ed, as if two people are gonna show up. Because I know if you show up, I know the end result. I saw hundreds of thousands of comments a day of like, oh my God, I didn't know it was gonna be like this. Oh my God, I love you, Tony. I love you, Dean. I love you. Thank you, thank you. And you know that driver, just like the com- I see the comments coming in for your book. You want to sell another 200,000 copies in the next two weeks so you can help people. I will play like I'm 10 points down through this entire challenge. I will rehearse. I've already watched the last two years that we did this. I watched what Tony did. I watched what I did. He's doing the same thing. We're prepping. If people are gonna show up, even if we want to deliver something that's transformational,

• 1:15:38Dean Graziosi?

  but I'm gonna look through the lens of not wanting to fail still. Because that's how, that's the, I'm avoiding the pain of it not working at the level of the impact that I want to make.

• 1:15:47Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:15:48Dean Graziosi?

  Right? And, and I know we went down a couple of different rabbit holes, but I just want to give people permission today, heading into a recession, heading into a shifting world. Again, I hope it doesn't, but it looks like an economic winter is here. I'm gonna tell you, use whatever leverage you can use to move.

• 1:16:04Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:16:05Dean Graziosi?

  Just move in a direction, investigate, look where the puck is going, look for something different, explore, question every story that comes into your head. Know your enemy, that story that's already screwed you over and cost you too much, you know that, how do you shift that story? How do you barricade it? How do you not let it in? How do you talk to someone? Like whatever you gotta do. I just believe this is a crucial time.

• 1:16:27Ed Mylett?

  I do too, in people's lives. I think that what you do the next... There's this analogy in anti-aging. David Sinclair, Dr. David Sinclair's been on my show a few times. He goes, "Hey, if you can get to like 75 in this day and age, you're probably gonna live to 100, if you can get to 75."

• 1:16:41Dean Graziosi?

  Wow.

• 1:16:42Ed Mylett?

  And in the world today, I really believe that if you can get this next two years nailed.

• 1:16:47Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:47Ed Mylett?

  You've got 20-year type multipliers of wealth, bliss and happiness in your life, if you can get the... But if you don't these next two years, I think the difficulty of getting there is magnified by a huge factor. I think right now's a chance to get way ahead. That same analogy to get to 75 gets you to 100. Think if you can get these next two years, just momentum. You have to make millions of dollars, but you just get momentum. You get in your groove, you get moving. But if you stay stagnant another couple of years, you don't get something going. The longer you do that, it's harder to get that sucker going again. And I feel like it'll be much harder. Those people that get moving now, they get... And by the way, it might evolve. You may start marketing one thing right now and it evolves into something else over time, but you've gotta get in motion right now. Do you agree with that?

• 1:17:28Dean Graziosi?

  Oh, true story. I heard somebody say it's a strategic byproduct. How many times in life have we had a goal? And when we have the nerve to go after the goal, we find something that's a strategic byproduct, the goal that's way bigger. Way bigger. You never thought you'd have one of the top podcasts in the world, one of the top books in the world. It's a strategic byproduct of you going all in on your businesses, wanting to impact others, right?

• 1:17:49Ed Mylett?

  That's a great point.

• 1:17:50Dean Graziosi?

  So know that when, whether it's God, the universe, rewards you for just having the nerve to go after it. And usually your goal, you're something so much bigger or something different that actually aligns with you. There's a couple of things I think as we, as we're at this point in the podcast, I want to say this, is a couple of things. If you're gonna protect yourself, build a moat. Build a moat on your emotions and what I'd say is the news is gonna get worse. That's a fact. Conversations with your negative friends is gonna get worse. That's a fact. I would say if you really want to stop dabbling, you know, it's somebody who said they want to lose weight, but when no one's watching, they're eating the wrong food or someone says they want to start the business, but when no one's watching, they're binging out on Netflix.

• 1:18:33Dean Graziosi?

  You know, if you're that person and I'm not knocking you, if that's who you are, enjoy it, live it, but don't say you want it. Don't talk out of two sides of your mouth, like either go all in, burn the boats and do it, or just accept the life that you have. Like I hate to be real, but you can't lose weight and not work out and eat bad. Like it just doesn't, where you can't make more money, have Ed's life or someone else's life that you see. You can't have that without putting the work in. So if you're gonna put the work in, you have to have the mindset to be committed and dedicated to it, right? We have to be disciplined. What robs discipline is lack of confidence, insecurity, uncertainty, whatever word you want to use. So here's what I'm gonna share. What are the things that make you uncertain or lack of confidence? I would build a moat around those things. If there's certain people in your life that are gonna make you feel insecure,

• 1:19:16Dean Graziosi?

  believe me, it's gonna feel worse during a recession and tough time. Spend less time with them or find a way to be a mirror or be a Teflon. If watching the news, whether it's CNN, MSNBC or Fox, whatever one you want to watch. If when you watch the news, you get frustrated, you get scared, you get uncertain, you get pissed off. Stop watching the news. You need that energy for you. So what I'd say is I would figure out the things that rob your confidence and rob your certainty. And this is gonna sound like, oh, Dean's really smart, is do less of those. Like especially over this next year, you want to like, you want to take a challenge, go on a 30 day news diet. Don't talk about it. Don't watch the news. Don't talk and spend 100% of that energy on you 2.0.

• 1:19:57Dean Graziosi?

  Spend, take the next 30 days and do not surf the internet. All of you are getting sucked into, let me just see what Ed Mylett did and an hour later you're like, oh my God, I just burned an hour online, right? I would say just find the things. Avoid the things that rob your confidence. Don't talk to the negative people that are hurting you. Don't focus on your weaknesses. Identify who your villain is, who that inner, that inner story that's already cost you too much, and protect yourself against it. Investigate to where the puck is going. You do those things and this time you're ahead of 95% of the world and they're simple. That's not, I didn't give you a business plan. I gave you just the, the foundation of, of what can make you thrive in this shifting time.

• 1:20:36Ed Mylett?

  When I hear you say all those things, I think about energy. I think about do things that preserve and increase your energy and don't deplete them. So if there's people around you that rob your energy, you gotta reduce it. If there's things you're doing that take your energy, whether it's worry, fear, surfing the internet, watching news, those other things. Energy, you know, and we all talk about it, I don't know who's first at it or whatever, but energy is influence. We've talked about this a lot. Tony talks about it a lot. You do, I do. And energy is also the most important commodity you can possibly have in your life. And you're gonna watch a bunch of people, whether you call it words, thoughts, et cetera. You're gonna watch a lot of people, starting now, through the next two or three years of their lives, you're gonna watch their energy change. You're gonna watch their vibrational frequency shrink. You're gonna watch them shrink. And that's incumbent upon you to feed your energy right now.

• 1:21:21Ed Mylett?

  That's podcasts, that's books, that's events, that's a challenge like what you're doing right now with Tony. You gotta feed your energy. Highest energy wins. Highest energy will win.

• 1:21:31Dean Graziosi?

  Amen to that.

• 1:21:32Ed Mylett?

  And I'm gonna tell you, everyone's energy is going to evolve and change. It is difficult when everyone's thriving. Why? Everyone's energy's pretty damn good. High energy will stand out now. Positive energy, optimistic energy, movement energy, is momentum energy is going to stand out more than ever. And you're gonna see energy change in your investments, in your mindset, in your businesses, all over the place. So, I want one shift at the end because it's, it's for me. And I told you, when we were getting ready to do this, I said, I wanna ask you, this is, seems uncorrelated, but it's not, it's totally correlated because it comes from a pain point from you, and it comes from a place of, of a sanctuary that can preserve and increase energy,

• 1:22:15Ed Mylett?

  which is personal relationships. And so particularly your marriage to Lisa. So you've been honest on my show before. And by the way, this is completely correlated to everything we said. Because you said on the show before in the past, hey, man, first time around, probably didn't have that thing wired the right way.

• 1:22:32Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:32Ed Mylett?

  At some point, I knew I wasn't probably with the right person for me, wonderful person, but not right person for me. I wasn't a world-class husband.

• 1:22:38Dean Graziosi?

  Yep.

• 1:22:39Ed Mylett?

  You've, you've said this before. And you are a world-class husband to Lisa.

• 1:22:44Dean Graziosi?

  It's also a true story.

• 1:22:45Ed Mylett?

  It is. When I think of you, and by the way, you're easily one of the most brilliant business minds I've ever met. You are probably the best marketing mind I know. And you're a very diverse man between your understanding of real estate, human dynamics, interpersonal relationships, energy, influence, I mean, all the different business markets that you're in. You're a very unique man and I, you know, I hold you in the highest regard. You're one of the few people on the earth that I call for counsel in certain areas. So obviously.

• 1:23:14Dean Graziosi?

  Same to you, brother.

• 1:23:15Ed Mylett?

  Thank you. And of all that, I don't admire you anywhere nearly as much for those things as I do for the kind of husband and father that you are. And I think one of the, I think you show me the quality of your relationships. I think Tony was the first to say that, I'll show you the quality of your life. You have such a massive high quality of life. And I believe that's because of your relationship with Lisa and your children. Why is it so good? In other words, what's been the key from you going to be a not very good husband the first time around? To like, if I think of the list of the best husbands I know that have the best, real intimate, loving, real, not perfect, relationships with people. I don't know that you don't occur first on my list. You know, maybe there's two or three people that all come up at the same time, but you

• 1:23:59Ed Mylett?

  come up on that list. What's been the key for that? And how important is it to your, your outward success in business? Cause there's a correlation from when you met her to millions and millions more dollars in your bank account too.

• 1:24:10Dean Graziosi?

  It is. And, and I have to thank you for saying that. And you're, you're so kind, Ed. It's why your, your podcast does so great. You truly serve from your heart. And thank you for the kind words. My wife's going to listen to this podcast and smile from ear to ear.

• 1:24:22Ed Mylett?

  It's true.

• 1:24:22Dean Graziosi?

  She loves you, brother. She's, she's binging on your podcast right now.

• 1:24:25Ed Mylett?

  Good, good.

• 1:24:27Dean Graziosi?

  I'll tell you, first, first thing I'll share, just like a business, is if you have the nerve to recognize that the reason your business might not have worked, or your marriage might not have worked, or your relationship might not have worked, if you're, if you have the self-awareness and the nerve to look in the mirror and say, it was probably you, even if it wasn't all you, but if you have the nerve to say that. And I remember going through divorce and freaking out because, and I won't go deep on this because I think I shared it on a previous one, but I was freaking out for my kids because I was a child of divorce and I didn't want them to feel, you know, you know, you get it, right? Yep, totally. So, I was freaking out about that. And then I remember thinking to myself, I wrote down

• 1:25:07Dean Graziosi?

  a list of what was unacceptable in a new relationship, what, what could not be, and what could be. And on my, on my could list, Ed, was, I need someone that, that loves a crazy entrepreneur, that's into health, that's into personal growth, someone who will love my children as if they're their own. That's, that's a task for a step person, step parent, right? And I, I wrote down this long list of all the things that were a must, and something hit me in that list and I'm like, damn, I have nerve to ask for that. Right, right. Right? And in a moment, I recognized that for me to attract that, I had to become a better man. It had nothing to do with finding the perfect woman. I had to be the better man

• 1:25:49Dean Graziosi?

  to attract that type of woman. And I worked on me. I got a love coach. I, I unlocked the, the, you know, holding back the full extent of love and all, all the things we could share. But here's what I would say when it comes to relationships. Um, just this, you know, advice only from a guy that knows he messed up in the past, but I am in the greatest relationship in my life, is imagine never keeping, the couple of things that came out of what I realized. Imagine never keeping score in a relationship. Imagine having the nerve and the confidence to just go, I'm gonna be the best version of me and I hope I get it back. And not say, you know, I've been, I've been doing, I watch relationships unravel. When someone says, the husband says, I work my tail off, I provide for her.

• 1:26:33Dean Graziosi?

  She doesn't have to worry about anything. She doesn't have to pay the bills. She has someone to clean her house. She does all this and I come home and, and she's, you know, no dinner, keeping score. Right? You're keeping score. And when you start keeping score, soon as you start keeping score and it's not even, how do you go to bed that night and be intimate? How do you, how do you have passionate connection? If you're keeping score and thinking I'm doing more than her or I'm taking care of the house. He has no idea what it's like to, to juggle two kids and take care of all this stuff. And he's out flying around, having fun, do, you know, he's working, but at least he gets to be out. I'm stuck in the house. Man, there's the intimacy's gone, right? And then once the intimacy's gone, then people start thinking, man, someone else would love the way I work. Someone else, the way I take care of things, right?

• 1:27:16Dean Graziosi?

  So one is not keeping score. Here's the toughest one.

• 1:27:19Speaker 06

  That's big.

• 1:27:20Dean Graziosi?

  Here's the toughest one. Imagine, I know this is gonna sound crazy and some of you are gonna be like, yeah, whatever, dreamer. Imagine feeling love when you give it, rather than when you receive it. I fell in love with making my wife feel loved.

• 1:27:36Dean Graziosi?

  I love for that woman to look at me and she, like, there's five people in the room and she looks over and I'm staring at her like she's, like I just saw her for the first time and she catches me and I watch her face. We've been together five and a half years. I could stare at my wife when she doesn't realize it and if she catches me, her cheeks will get red, like she gets nervous even to, and she's like, like, what are you looking at? What are you looking at? And she'll come over, she's like, you, right? I found, it took me years, I found a way to feel love when I make her feel loved. So I don't need her to love me back, but the, but here's the thing, right? Because I don't keep score, my wife tries to outdo me. Because I give, I feel love when I give her love, she tries to give me more love, right? And I know maybe that takes the right partner and you might be thinking to yourself, yeah, Dean, you found the right partner.

• 1:28:20Dean Graziosi?

  I, I would say I have an amazing woman, but I also know that I did all the opposite crap in the, in the previous one. And, and this is, I'm gonna steal this from Tony. One of the best advice I ever heard was, imagine if you treated. The end of a relationship like the beginning. Would there actually be an end? You remember in the beginning of a relationship, you're like, everything's bliss and you're all in and you're listening, eye contact and you wouldn't dare look at your phone at dinner. And now you're three years in and at dinner, she wants to tell you about what happened with the kids thing. You're like, yeah, let me just, what was that? Hold on babe, let me just look at my phone one second. Would you have ever done that in the first week of your relationship or on a first date? And that just, that hit me and people a lot of times will ask me is like, I don't know where my relationship is.

• 1:29:01Dean Graziosi?

  I'm like, what if for the next 90 days, you just went all in and pretended like you guys just met and you were dating again? To end in 90 days, you might have a completely different situation.

• 1:29:11Ed Mylett?

  That's so good.

• 1:29:12Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:13Ed Mylett?

  That's so good. You're so good.

• 1:29:15Dean Graziosi?

  I don't know.

• 1:29:16Ed Mylett?

  Fed your business life, having that part of it?

• 1:29:19Dean Graziosi?

  Not even a question. Like the funny part is so many people say to me, what happened to you like four years ago, man? You just got more dynamic, you're more confident on stage. It was definitely that because the, the last thing I'll say is on this is I had more, I've had more success than I could have ever dreamed possible. A gazillion times more than what my dreams were. I have two, I'm now three and a fourth on the way, but I had two amazing children that were just humble and sweet and, and kind. And my business is thriving and good friends, but I didn't have love in my life and I didn't have connection and I wasn't a good husband. Right? Because I wasn't happy. And I probably, when you're incongruent, when not all things in your life are lined up.

• 1:30:02Dean Graziosi?

  I never could have understood the power that while I was in it, I just said, no, I should be happy. No, my relationship isn't great, but we co-parent good and we got great kids and the business is good and we got the great house. I just wasn't in alignment and I was kind of living a lie.

• 1:30:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:15Dean Graziosi?

  And when I finally shed that, and now I get to be the man, like, and I know you know me, but man, imagine the wish that if anybody put a hidden camera on you for a week and then your wife, your friends and the world could watch it and go, wow. Same guy on camera, same guy on a podcast, same guy when no one was watching. That congruency has taken the restrictions off. My business has doubled, my life has doubled, my happiness has doubled. I've attracted dear people in my life like you and other people because I, I think that I, I just get to be me at all times.

• 1:30:48Ed Mylett?

  Beautiful brother. Gosh, it's so good. I got one last question for you and I want you to answer this in all sincerity. I know you always do, but this is a biggie. Is it all it's cracked up to be? Let me tell you what I mean by it. You know, having a loving relationship, becoming a wealthy man, you know, making the contribution you make is a tremendous amount of work. And there's going to be a season in one's life where it's not all those things and you're going to be working and working and working. And there's this part, when you're doing it, you're like, is it even really worth it? Is it even really worth it? Because I think oftentimes, we've all met that one rich person who's also miserable. Which there's a lot of them. They get a lot of money and you're like, I don't even want to be like them.

• 1:31:33Ed Mylett?

  You know, I was a server, I was a busboy at the whole enchilada in Diamond Bar when I was in high school and college. And it seemed like a lot of the guys with money that came in were the bigger jerks.

• 1:31:44Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:45Ed Mylett?

  And it started to make me think, I don't even know if that's worth it, you know? And the reason that it seemed like, because the real rich guys didn't act like rich guys.

• 1:31:54Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:54Ed Mylett?

  So when they'd come in, I didn't know it was that guy, but I, I went through a phase of my life that I think, because you're on the other side, it's easy to forget. But I think there's a lot of people that are considering coming to this challenge, considering changing their life. They're considering it. And then there is a part of them where they're like, I don't know if it's worth it. So I'm being, I want you to answer this honestly. Is it? Or is it different than you thought it would be? Getting to this other side, you're on the other side. You don't feel like you are, but you are. You're very wealthy, you've got a beautiful family. You know, you make a difference to the world. You've got rich friendships. Your life's not perfect. You know, the day to day of life can be really difficult for all of us, but was it worth it? And what's it feel like to get to the other side? Sell us the dream or the nightmare of it.

• 1:32:35Dean Graziosi?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:38Dean Graziosi?

  Beyond worth it, but questioning it. I've questioned it on and off since the beginning. And there are only moments of questioning it. When, and then you get clarity and realize the other side. So here's what I'd say. Is if someone's listening to you, Ed, what you've done, and I want to say this publicly, what you've done so elegantly to help the world see, is that your visibility, your notoriety, you, your podcast being the top podcast, your book. People get to see someone who's been wealthy or is wealthy and also an amazing human being.

• 1:33:11Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:33:11Dean Graziosi?

  And success without fulfillment, success without joy, success without balance is probably the brokest you could be. So here's what I'd say, where I'm fortunate is I started working on me at the same time I was working on making money. And I think that is the gift I would, I would love to share with all of you. I believe all of you, every single one of you has the desire, has the opportunity to make unlimited amount of money. I know that sounds, it's easy like, it's easy for you to say now, Dean, but believe me, if Ed can make it, Dean can make it. We all have this amazing opportunity, but I'd say work on you as much as you work on marketing, as much as you work on sales.

• 1:33:52Dean Graziosi?

  Because when you find that harmonious balance, and you know, we both, I, you probably too, I've been off, I've had more money than emotional intelligence.

• 1:34:00Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 1:34:01Dean Graziosi?

  And right, and that's not a cool thing. And there's some people have great emotional intelligence, but they can't make any choices in their life. They want to do more, they want to donate more, they want to travel more, they want to retire their husband so they, he has to stop working this crappy job. So they have the emotional intelligence, but they don't have the money to give them the freedom. That harmonious balance of two, I mean, it's the greatest gift you could give anyone. It's why, it's why we're doing a free challenge. It's why Tony, listen, you don't have to work, Tony doesn't have to work. I'm blessed. I know that sounds like, hey, we're a bunch of rich people. It's not that. Like I'm working harder now than I've ever worked in my life and I have more now than I've ever had in my life. Because I want other people to see that you can have this rich balance where you can have, I mean, I just got here. I don't want to get a spoiler though, but I just, I just got to meet your kids for the first time.

• 1:34:43Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:43Dean Graziosi?

  Right? I met your wife a bunch of times. I got to see your kids and, and watching that you get to bring this family, that you shifted this generation. You have two humble children.

• 1:34:52Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:34:53Dean Graziosi?

  It will, you will always question it. Problems will never go away. One thing I want to say, you will just get better at handling bigger problems. You want to make more, handle bigger problems, right? So you will handle problems more, you will get, you will turn into someone who wants the bigger problems. Cause you know, there's a bigger paycheck on the other side of bigger, you solve a bigger problem, you get paid more, right? So problems won't go away. I'll tell you that. You'll just handle them more. Like you said in your book and like Jim Rohn said, for things to get better, you gotta get better, right? So you'll get better at doing those things. You will have times where you question it. But every day in my life I wake up and I'm so effing grateful that I get the freedom to do what I want to do, to coach Little League,

• 1:35:35Dean Graziosi?

  to drive my kids to school, to do what I want, when I want to do it. And that's, that's the ultimate freedom and I would die for it, Ed.

• 1:35:42Ed Mylett?

  A great answer. I'm so proud of you.

• 1:36:05Speaker 08

  When you shop pickup at Kroger, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries selected just for you. Our associates are committed to getting every detail right, carefully handpicking your items, checking for quality and freshness, and packing your order with care. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. And right now, enjoy $20 off your first online order of $75 or more. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger. Fresh for everyone.

• 1:36:35Speaker 09

  Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order.

• 1:37:03Speaker 02

  1-800-CONTACTS.