TBT: Mod Sun

Bunnie is joined by the sweet and brilliant Mod Sun, as he talks about everything from facing heartbreak and addiction to finding purpose through his music and art. Mod reflects on his journey from farm boy to rockstar, hitting rock bottom and how he manifested success. He talks about past romances in the public eye, his soul bestie Machine Gun Kelly, Bob Dylan, and why it's okay to be delusional. Mod also shares a sneak peek into his new music and the reinvention that came along with it. Mod Sun: IG https://www.instagram.com/modsun/?hl=en | Website https://modsunmusic.com/ Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bunnie XO?

  Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I wanna know, why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show, we have Meet the D-Fords, we have Popaganda, we have more shows that we're adding, and not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com/dumblonddown and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there.

• 0:41Bunnie XO?

  We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every frickin' month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I lives. You just never know what kinda surprise you're gonna get. It's like a Cracker Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much, and that's a lot of kisses, actually. Gotta go bye. Is this thing on?

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde.

• 1:21Bunnie XO?

  Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I wanna be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child, and here we are.

• 1:32Bunnie XO?

  What's up, sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'm sure you probably heard me and Maude's son talking about how he's the hot uncle.

• 1:43Bunnie XO?

  What's up, baby? How are you?

• 1:45Speaker 02

  I also take that role. I like that role better than the hot older guy.

• 1:48Bunnie XO?

  Well, cuz we were talking about how Jay and I are like mom and dad to everybody. And Maude was like, yeah. He's like, I'm totally that too. And I'm like, no, you're like the hot uncle. You're not, you're not dad yet. You're like hot uncle, right? Am I wrong here?

• 2:01Speaker 02

  I like that, I like that. Am I wrong, people in the room?

• 2:04Bunnie XO?

  Are we, are we wrong? Are we wrong here?

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Okay, cool, cool. We're on the same page.

• 2:07Bunnie XO?

  I'm so happy to have you here.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:09Bunnie XO?

  This has been a long time coming.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it has.

• 2:12Bunnie XO?

  I slid in your DMs like two years ago.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:14Bunnie XO?

  And thankfully, you didn't reply because...

• 2:16Speaker 02

  I know, I know. This is the time I was supposed to have you.

• 2:18Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, it really is the time.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  But I really saw the DM like three weeks ago and immediately it was like, alright. I miss this one. If you ever want to do it again.

• 2:29Bunnie XO?

  No, and I'm just so happy to have.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  And I listen, why I did is because I listened to your podcast, just outside of it.

• 2:34Bunnie XO?

  That really makes me happy. It makes me so happy when I have men tell me they listen to the podcast because that means a lot to me because I have such a huge female following. So when I get the men that are like, yeah, I listen to your podcast. I'm like, dude, can I hug you? Because it's like so sweet.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Your conversations are just like natural conversations. Do you have mostly female guests? Is it?

• 2:52Bunnie XO?

  No, I mean, it's, I do have a ton of female guests, but I love, you know, having men on too. So it's like, it's a variety, but definitely probably more female dominated. But I think it's because of my platform and just who I am. I just have a more female fan base. Even when I was doing.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  You're like a, you're like the superpower female that's like, says be like confident in yourself no matter what.

• 3:17Bunnie XO?

  I appreciate.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  And like fights back against people that talk shit. I love that.

• 3:21Bunnie XO?

  It's exhausting sometimes. I even told them.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  It's such a good, it's such a good message to send though. Not being like, I'm gonna talk shit back to you, but just being like, yo, this whole thinking that you can't have your word against someone that's talking shit because you're a notable person. And oh, if I say the wrong thing, this and that, like, that's like a whole wall that needs to be broken down right now.

• 3:47Bunnie XO?

  I really needed to hear this.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Don't you think so though?

• 3:50Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, that's why I'm fighting the good fight.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  So many people like I, I'm in a good place right now. I feel like I have my light back around me, right?

• 3:57Bunnie XO?

  You look so happy.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. I am happy. I feel this is the most secure I've felt like in my skin as well in years and years and years. But there was a time where it wasn't like that. But then there was also this time where like, I don't know when it happened, but for some reason I got in my head like, oh, like, do I have to like worry about saying the wrong thing or being a certain person or, or, or all that stuff like? And that's why when you have this like message of like. I will say my opinion back to you regardless of who I am or how many people follow me. That's like, these are like, these are messages for the youth. That they need to like, understand that, you know?

• 4:38Bunnie XO?

  For sure, one hundred percent. And sometimes I get caught up in the, am I doing the right thing? Or should I not say this? But I feel like, as, I don't like to call myself a celebrity, you're a celebrity. But as people in the public eye, it's like, we're told that we're not allowed to talk back to people. It's like, no, don't say this, or don't say, and it's like, why? Why are people allowed to bully? And that's why this problem has gotten so bad online. That's why, it was because, they always tell you, if somebody abuses you, don't stay silent. But yet, the first thing they tell you whenever somebody abuses you online is stay silent? Like, what, what are we talking about here? This is like, mixed messages.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  I mean, my favorite times of being myself is when those thoughts never entered my head. The second they did, I felt like I was so fake. I felt so fake and not me.

• 5:27Bunnie XO?

  Do you feel like you've been silenced because of your celebrity?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I mean.

• 5:34Bunnie XO?

  To a certain extent?

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. Or just, even just thoughts of being like,

• 5:40Speaker 02

  don't put yourself, so like, I've, I've gone through things where I have put myself in the position to kind of speak my half of things, you know, especially with past relationships, right? That bleed into the public eye. I have had a relationship where I was like, no, this is, and, and, and saying my word back. And then it being like, something that follows you forever and becomes a narrative. And then I've had situations in the last couple of years where it was like, I didn't even stand up for myself. And like, those things are just like, okay, understand, yeah? Like, my sister's my PR person, so she's like, PR crisis, you know?

• 6:16Bunnie XO?

  Is she a pit bull?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah. She's, she's my older sister that'll, she fights for me.

• 6:21Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I love that.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  But anytime that I found any one of my great moments that people will come up and tell me affected them in a in a great way are always me having no thought of that. No thought of that. And I'm not saying like, go make yourself look bad. You know what I'm saying?

• 6:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Not saying say some wild shit at 2:30 a.m. that you wouldn't say the next morning.

• 6:46Bunnie XO?

  I mean, I've done that a few times. I am guilty. I almost did it last night.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  You're awesome for what you do, okay? And like, if if just as myself, I have felt inauthentic before. And those moments like really kinda I let myself down, you know? And like where I'm at at this point in my life, I'm like, okay, I remember who I am.

• 7:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Like, I remember who I am. I am thirty seven years old. Just just age in music, right? We love Jelly, because he really puts it on the line.

• 7:21Bunnie XO?

  Daddy Roll.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  He gives us Daddy Roll.

• 7:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  He like gives this whole real talk about what it is. It's like, be so proud of your story. Do not try to hide it. Do not try to keep up with the other people and this and that. Like, wear it and be it and love it and be proud of it. And like, that's what creates the light around you. You know, I've felt my shit dim. I've felt it dim. And in the last year, I had to just like reorganize my life. Get back to just being in love with myself.

• 7:57Bunnie XO?

  How did you do that? What were like some steps? Because I know you went through a really tough breakup and we can talk about that. We can touch on it now or later on, whenever you're comfortable with it. But I remember seeing a video of you on stage after that breakup and it broke my heart for you.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:11Bunnie XO?

  Because I could tell you were holding in so much. And I think right at right in that moment, I just felt so much love for you.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:18Bunnie XO?

  Because I was like, damn, I was like, this man is literally wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of hundreds thousands of people each night. Like, this is tough, dude. So how did you go from being on that stage to finding yourself?

• 8:31Speaker 02

  That was definitely like an like an authentic moment. Again, I'm glad that you say that, because that was a moment of like true authenticity. You know, like, we went through this breakup while I'm on tour, bled out in front of the world, going on stage every night. It's like my biggest song is with her and it's my song.

• 8:51Bunnie XO?

  I know.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  So I had to really be like, okay, like, yeah, this is hard to sing, but it's my song. Like, I'm not gonna deny myself of that, you know? And so I'm gonna keep playing it. Yeah, it's hard as hell to play, hear that voice every night, but I'm gonna keep playing because that's my song. And so, I mean, that kind of started this whole spiral of being like, from there, it was very, you know, I would have to like do a meet and greet every day and kind of like fake a smile, you know what I'm saying? And that's fine, you know, um, not like just completely just being in shambles in front of people, like still being like, all right, I'm a warrior. You know?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  But so like I went on that tour and came home and had to like reorganize my life completely and just like, environment so important, like you're, I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago, you know what I'm saying?

• 9:45Bunnie XO?

  I love the dark hair, by the way.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  I, I do too.

• 9:48Bunnie XO?

  I love it.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  I love it. And like just you saying that, like, again, we've been told certain rules that are so backwards. We're told like, materialism is wrong, right? Okay. I'm talking like, if you really in your heart believe that like a great outfit won't make you feel better about yourself, you're tripping.

• 10:12Bunnie XO?

  No, it does.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  You're tripping. But we're told like, no, no, no, no, don't. Or you're told like, your appearance, your, your appearance, like, I changed my appearance. I go out and people be like, dude, you look better than you've ever looked. That makes me feel great. That helps me feel secure. Right? It's like these things that are, that are just these little building blocks that like, you've kind of been told are not the way, right? Like, a simple thing. You have to break down what it is to you, but for me, I've just figured out recently, like, what is happiness? Duh, the most cliche thing ever. What is happiness? I figured out what it is to me. It's something to look forward to. That's it.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  All this, all this like, be present, be in the moment, all that is like, Get it. Love it. Thank you, Deepak Chopra-isms. I love it.

• 11:07Bunnie XO?

  I get bored. Like, I need to know what the next hurdle is.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  I want to wake up and have something to look forward to. That makes me happy. It doesn't need to be some like career-driven goal. It doesn't need to be anything ridiculous. It can be something so simple as like I wake up and like I love the first picture that I have hanging on my wall in my room.

• 11:29Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  And that like makes me wanna get up. It can be also something giant. I have something to look forward to. Let me create something to look forward to. Whatever it is, you know, and it's like once I realized that thirty-seven years old into my life, you know what I'm saying?

• 11:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  It was just like boom. That that's what it is to me, you know, and just realizing that there's these little things that are okay with um utilizing in your life, like changing your appearance, changing your environment, building things to look forward to, obviously keeping great people around you that give you the hard talks, the hardest talks are the ones that make your life easy.

• 12:10Bunnie XO?

  The uncomfortable ones, but those those are you have to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations. That's what me and my husband always say.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 12:17Bunnie XO?

  You really do, because I mean, life's not always fucking cherries and fucking unicorns. Sometimes it's buttholes and cigarette butts, you know? Like, we don't. Life's not always a fucking bundle of joy, so you have to be be comfortable being able to be like, hey, you know, kind of looking within and having uncomfortable conversations with yourself. Like, what do I need to change to make myself happy?

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:38Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  I really like dove into that in the last year and like focused on that and that only. And um finding things that I like missing in my life.

• 12:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  You know? Really, really applying those, you know, like as a musician.

• 12:55Bunnie XO?

  Doing the work.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 12:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I think that's a huge thing, because it sounds to me like you're doing the work. A lot of people are like looking for happiness, but they don't wanna go find it. They want it to come to them. And it's like, no, you gotta get the fuck up.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:07Bunnie XO?

  Go find it. Go chase that shit.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  And push yourself and it can be something. So simple like when you when when people hear these talks like a lot of the time their human condition is like jump to something like gigantic.

• 13:19Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Or like build a goal that's like a year from now.

• 13:22Bunnie XO?

  Unattainable, right?

• 13:23Speaker 02

  You know?

• 13:24Bunnie XO?

  Or not unattainable, but at that moment.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:26Bunnie XO?

  Right?

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. It's like build a goal for yourself for the next six hours.

• 13:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  It doesn't have to be this. Yes.

• 13:36Bunnie XO?

  You know, like it can be so tiny.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Discipline.

• 13:39Bunnie XO?

  Listen to a record you haven't heard. Yeah, exactly.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  It's so good. I'm a I am in. What is it? The sixth today? The seventh? So three.

• 13:49Bunnie XO?

  Today's Cinco de Mayo, isn't it?

• 13:51Speaker 02

  No, it was yesterday.

• 13:52Bunnie XO?

  Damn, we missed it.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  So five days from now, I'll hit five years sober, right?

• 13:56Bunnie XO?

  Yay.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  And why? I know it's really, I'm really like, yeah.

• 13:59Bunnie XO?

  That's amazing. Let's definitely dive into your sobriety.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I would love I would love to and like just piggybacking off that though, like what's so great is like another tip or uh advice or stance on life is like drug addicts, whether you're a recovered drug addict or currently in a battle, just know you have the greatest discipline in the world to wake up and get fucked up every day takes discipline to go meet to go meet the plug in a random parking lot at two AM. That is discipline.

• 14:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, holy shit.

• 14:36Bunnie XO?

  Feel like shit every day afterwards, like, you know, and have to have that fixed. Yes.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  If you can do those things, you can get a six pack in six months. You know what I'm saying? You can do all these things. You can get that job that you wanted. You can go through.

• 14:52Bunnie XO?

  Nothing can stop you.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  No, I have drug addict discipline, you know, and like I hold that anytime I like talk to like addicts and shit like that. I'm just always like, yo, just know you you could become president.

• 15:04Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  You could take over the world with your discipline.

• 15:07Bunnie XO?

  If they just put that channel, that energy into something that's constructive.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  It's so powerful.

• 15:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  It really is.

• 15:13Bunnie XO?

  So crazy way of looking at it, but it's facts.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  It's so true.

• 15:16Bunnie XO?

  Literally, it's facts.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Yo, there's I look at like people that are just like so down and I'm like, yo, just know you could take over the fucking world.

• 15:24Bunnie XO?

  I love you. You are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker needs though, because they'll listen to you because you have such a cool way of saying it. So people are kind of like truth bombs are like going off in their head and they're like, holy shit. Yeah, that makes total sense.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. If you can also just get away from the whole like. Positive speaking, Google search sentences. Be like, alright, let's remove all those weighted words and just like say the thing you're trying to say. Like Charles Bukowski is my favorite writer of all time. You'd always be like, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. Like, stop with all that. The, the wind blew through the window sill at night while I was, the twilight was glowing through the sheets of my room. It's like, bro, you found happiness looking out the window while the moon was out.

• 16:13Bunnie XO?

  That is so real.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  It's like, which sentence do you want to read? You know?

• 16:18Bunnie XO?

  That's so real though, because what did you just say? Say that again for me so that I can remember it.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  I don't even, oh, oh.

• 16:23Bunnie XO?

  The paragraph. You just turned a sentence.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Never, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph.

• 16:28Bunnie XO?

  I love that. That's gonna be my new fucking motto.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's real. You, you, you do that.

• 16:33Bunnie XO?

  I do.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  You, you are like, straight to the point.

• 16:36Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no. I tell paragraphs. No, I tell paragraphs.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Looking at you going, you do. You're a paragraph person. No.

• 16:41Bunnie XO?

  No, I am. I feel like I am.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  I'm not saying, talking a lot. I'm saying you say it how it is. That's essentially what it is, is like being like, stop trying to fill this whole thing with all these isms and, and all these blown out ideas. It's like, you say it how it is. Trust me.

• 16:55Bunnie XO?

  I needed you here today, Mo.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  Viewer, I am like, objectively, is it objectively from the outside or subjectively? I don't know. Here I am again. Didn't go to.

• 17:04Bunnie XO?

  I'm not sure. Listen, I didn't, I didn't graduate ninth grade.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  We'll go with objectively, and if we're wrong, it's all good.

• 17:10Bunnie XO?

  It's alright.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  I am from the outside looking in. I've watched you and I'm, I, I, I do have a good opinion of that. Like, you say it how it is.

• 17:16Bunnie XO?

  I appreciate you so much. Speaking of some crazy shit that I discovered whenever, we're gonna take it all the way back. You're, you're like, you're a farm boy from Minnesota? Let's talk about this. Because you have like a really crazy childhood story.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  I do. I really love my story.

• 17:32Bunnie XO?

  It's actually really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Lives like, and, and I, and I, I totally just like, I love it so much. I've never, I've never been the one to be like, Uh, does living in, does, does that I'm in, in LA? Should I tell people like I'm LA or this and that? It's like I'm Minnesota, like Midwest Minnesota. I grew up on a farm, a farm, no animals. My parents were absolute, why, they were the animals.

• 17:59Bunnie XO?

  So you tell, so I heard that your mom was a cheerleader and your dad was a biker.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:03Bunnie XO?

  Like what your mom was a cheerleader in high school and then.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Yes, he literally.

• 18:07Bunnie XO?

  Married the bad boy.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Oh, a hundred percent, a hundred percent, for good and bad. I got all, I got a lot of my dad's good qualities. And all, like all of my mom's good qualities. So I kind of won with that.

• 18:18Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Um, no, my mom was like cheerleader, straight A student. My dad was like kicked out of Catholic school and had to go to this other school and like pulled up, beat up my mom's boyfriend at the time and like threw, threw her on the back of his bike.

• 18:32Bunnie XO?

  It was like you're mine.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:34Bunnie XO?

  That's my kind of guy.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  No, no, literally a hundred percent. Yeah.

• 18:37Bunnie XO?

  A lot of girls at home are like, that's hot.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  And he was, I'm telling you, I know. And when I say like threw her on the back of my bike, like take it however you want it. Like that is, my dad is like, he was, he was the real deal. He was one of one. There's this quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that's uh, too weird to live, too rare to die.

• 18:56Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  That was my dad. He couldn't get his shit together, but he was so rare that like we had to have him here.

• 19:03Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  You know, and um, yeah, so we, we grew up on like a giant, like, what would you say, like five acres? Sorry, I'm talking off camera to my sister.

• 19:13Bunnie XO?

  You're good. We love that.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  It's like five acres in the middle of Minnesota. Like I go back to this town, it still hasn't changed a bit. It's so small and uh, I actually had this great conversation with someone last night. That also like grew up in the middle of nowhere, but it's like from age zero to six, no neighbors, no friends, only my sister.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Who, older sister, it takes a long time for your older sister to.

• 19:38Bunnie XO?

  Like you.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  And and we'll get to this too, but my sister was the, like my mom, the cheerleader, straight A student.

• 19:49Bunnie XO?

  This one right here?

• 19:52Speaker 02

  So we were total opposites in so many ways. But one, zero to six, grew up on a farm, no friends, total just imagination.

• 20:01Bunnie XO?

  What was life like with your parents? Were they pretty stable or were they just? Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 20:06Bunnie XO?

  Take me on that.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  I mean, my mom was the definition like of an angel, like just, just trying to. Caring about, kind of zooming out and looking forward, I mean, like. My kids shouldn't see or hear or know about things that are going on, you know? But my dad literally would have his girlfriends calling the house. Being like, and my sister would answer the phone and be like, he, like, my sister's like nine, like, bitch.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Like, that was the first time I heard curse words, was my sister like.

• 20:41Bunnie XO?

  I love that sister was rowdy enough at nine, though, to stick up for mom.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah. Oh, hell, yeah. And like, I mean, also, my sister was like the bartender. My sister was like making them gin and tonics and old fashions at nine years old.

• 20:53Bunnie XO?

  My goodness.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I, I, I was literally, my favorite picture of when I was a kid was me like drinking a Pabst at like fucking four years old.

• 21:02Bunnie XO?

  First of all, iconic. Secondly, that's crazy.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Like band slip-ons, my dad's like posted up, I'm like drinking a Pabst, like literally.

• 21:09Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my goodness. So you guys grew up rock and roll?

• 21:12Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 21:13Bunnie XO?

  That's how I grew up too.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  And we grew up, uh, like ten minutes from Bob Dylan's farm in Minnesota, who's my favorite artist of all time, Minnesota, like, yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  And so it was all rock and roll. It was all like, you listen to the Allman Brothers, you're either a Dylan guy or a Beatles guy, we are Dylan people, like. And, and the band and all his music all the time.

• 21:33Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  And motorcycles, like my mom and dad rode motorcycles, like, my first scar that I still have on my leg is falling off my dad's bike when I was four years old. Burning my leg on a thousand degree exhaust pipe.

• 21:44Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my goodness, yeah.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  It was wild, it was wild. For Minnesota, like, I know when people have this picture of Minnesota, they're, they're not thinking like, this? This is what it was like growing up there for me, you know? And, um, but I, but what stuck with me the most through those. I don't even know if you call one through six formative years, but they were so much for me. Okay.

• 22:05Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Great, thank you, because I it it made me who I am.

• 22:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  I am permanently in my own world, in my own imagination.

• 22:15Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Because I had all this space and no friends and no neighbors and no nothing. So I was in my head all day running around this field pretending I was whatever superhero or a spy or any of those things. And I've never left that world ever once. I've like stayed there.

• 22:36Bunnie XO?

  I think that's part of your childlike charisma, you know, like you have this like um just sweet wonder about you. And I even told Jay that. I was like, he I was like, he's just so sweet, you know, and I now I understand where you get it from.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  I from there, thank you.

• 22:53Bunnie XO?

  You're welcome.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  It's horrible. Everyone you raise your threshold for compliments to not immediately throw someone back at other people.

• 23:00Bunnie XO?

  Yes, I won't let you do it.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Just say thank you. I tell this to all people. I'm like, raise your threshold, dude, like I gave you a compliment. Don't just give me one back. Just be like, damn, thanks, like.

• 23:09Bunnie XO?

  Mod is dropping gems, guys. I hope you're fucking listening. I needed you today because I had a horrible day yesterday and today this is.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Well, let's get into that too at some point.

• 23:18Bunnie XO?

  We're not here to talk about me.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Because we're gonna flip this and be like, welcome to dumb brown hair.

• 23:26Bunnie XO?

  No, we're not doing it. Um, so I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said. And I wanted to tell you something that you might actually enjoy. My husband is a huge Bob Dylan fan. Loves Bob Dylan. His son Noah was actually born to like a Rolling Stone, and I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, oh, my God, this is like kindred souls. It's crazy.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  I so I so can tell the Jelly Roll fan in Bob, like I can so see it.

• 23:53Bunnie XO?

  Oh, he just went and saw him at um where were we in Austin? What's it called? The the whole big fucking festival they have out there?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  The the.

• 24:01Bunnie XO?

  Austin City Women's or something like that? Yeah, they he went and saw Bob Dylan. I was like, did you record it? And he was like, no.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  It's like, yo, yeah, again, it's like the great. I tell every artist, there's so many artists that are so lost right now, especially the younger ones.

• 24:16Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  That.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Um, have had a different upbringing in a different kind of world of being an artist. You know, I grew up as an artist, pre-internet, pre having a studio in your house.

• 24:27Bunnie XO?

  Where you had to actually work.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Pre laptop and Pro Tools, like this was like the growing up with instruments set up in your garage. And every day after school, you came and jammed with your friends. And if your friend didn't show up, you couldn't jam, you know what I'm saying?

• 24:38Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Like, I grew up in that world. I grew up in the back of vans, playing shows for free, sleeping on people's floors, all that. The world that it's in now is a lot, is, is, is shifted in a lot of different ways. And a lot of artists get really lost because they'll have these giant peaks and valleys. My whole thing was like just a giant like slow lift, right?

• 24:57Bunnie XO?

  Slow and steady wins the race though.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And there's so many for young artists, peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. And it gets hard and I'm like, yo, study, I don't care if you hate Bob Dylan's voice. I don't give, I don't give a fuck, just study his career. Like this is a man that was slated as the voice of a generation. Him and an acoustic guitar and a harmonica. The second that he was at his peak of this voice of a generation. He grabbed an electric guitar, showed up to Newport Jazz Festival. The first electric performance ever at Newport Jazz Festival. Got booed offstage. For a year after that, played like a rolling stone to his concerts and got booed by his biggest fans. And never stopped playing the song.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  And it is now regarded as like the top greatest song ever. And, and like, that is like believing in what you're doing. And not putting the, the control in the hands of the audience of telling you that it's great or telling that it's successful. And then as soon as they loved him being electric, he went and made a country album. They hated it. Soon as they loved that, he went and made a blues record. They hate it. Soon as they love that, gospel record. Soon as they love that, jet. It's like dude just was like, never are you in control of my success and who I am. And I follow my instincts and follow my guts. Also a guy who disappeared for 10 years and came back and dropped what I think is his greatest record of all time, Blood on the Tracks. Like, it's just the greatest mentality for an artist to be in. To not, not think that like.

• 26:31Bunnie XO?

  Not be put in a box.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  Oh, they're gonna forget me. Oh, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't post today, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't drop a song right now, they're gonna forget about, it's like, man, just like. Create art as if you're already dead and gone. And it'll be the best art of your life.

• 26:47Bunnie XO?

  Hmm, that's amazing. I love that you tell young artists to go and study Bob Dylan. My, my husband did that on his Good Night Nashville album. We watched every Bob Dylan documentary that you could fucking find. And he just consumed Bob Dylan for like months. It was wild. And it was the best thing he ever did. Now look what he's doing. Can't, you can't put him in a box.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  We love you so much.

• 27:09Bunnie XO?

  No, like.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  We do love you so much, dog. We do.

• 27:12Bunnie XO?

  What you're saying is real though. Like you told, you tell people to go and study him and that, you know, he's one of your favorite artists and like my husband too, and look what he's doing.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  And it's regardless of the music. It's like, study the path that he took as an artist. You know, it's like my, I learned a quote, cause I've been like a, I've been chasing art and I'm talking like the facets of art, like painters. For, I've been studying painters. I study the lives of people, you know? I've been studying painters since I was a very young kid. And when I heard the quote at like thirteen years old, that was like,

• 27:48Speaker 02

  a great artist reinvents themselves every ten years, right? And like, that's their periods, you know, as an art, as a, as a painter, you have like periods, like, you know, you have the blue period or the abstract period and like all these people like lived by that. And I put that into like my life as a musician. It was like, the first ten years of my career as a musician, I was a drummer, you know? And then my bands were doing good, like my dreams were coming true. And I felt something that I had to do and completely abandoned all comfort. And went back to ground zero and was like, I am mod sun now. I am going movement on dreams, stand on and on. I'm starting this new thing.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  And I did ten years as a rapper calling what I did hippie hop and making positive rap music. That like, this was before Kendrick Lamar did like, I love myself. Like, yeah, we had Day Lost Soul and we had like more like positive kind of hip hop, but like, in that term, it was like, I want to make hip hop based around the secret and the law of attraction.

• 28:48Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Which was like, It was not, it was goofy, you know, it was like, it was an idea that people were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and I was like, I'm pushing through this. I did ten years of that, then I did like a ten year stint of being like back into my more like alt. And you know, really high register belting and then I'm in this like ten year phase right now that's like so. So raw and it's finally out, like I was about to take three years off of music. I went back to Minnesota in August of this last year. And I was like, I'm just gonna paint and write scripts and direct for the next like four years, cause I don't really think I have. The desire to. Try to outdo myself.

• 29:30Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  This is when I was very like lost, this was like part of the being lost period that I just had.

• 29:35Bunnie XO?

  Where you had to rediscover yourself.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I went back to Minnesota.

• 29:38Bunnie XO?

  Isn't that crazy that you went back home to do that, to like get your roots?

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:43Bunnie XO?

  Is mom still there?

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:45Bunnie XO?

  Cause we're gonna circle back after with what happened at six.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  I tried to warn you.

• 29:49Bunnie XO?

  No, you're good. I love hearing, I could listen to you talk for hours, but.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  I tried to warn you that I am just a rambling man, Lord, I was born a rambling man.

• 29:56Bunnie XO?

  No, I love it, but I think that's amazing that through everything that you have accomplished. When you're going through hard times, the first thing you wanna do is go back to that space where you were able to just be away from everybody. And isolated and just alone with your thoughts to just. Figure it out.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  I like, I came back home from Minnesota. And like the first song I wrote, like the end of the song is like, you're searching for a high, but you can't fly till you fall. And it funny how you find yourself once you lose it all. Home is waiting when there's nowhere left to go. You'll find love there, I hope you know, and it's like the last little part of the song and it's like. It wraps up that whole feeling of being like.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Searching for all these things. I've fallen, that was how you fly, isn't it funny? You can't fly till you fall.

• 30:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Like a bird.

• 30:46Bunnie XO?

  Well, there's nowhere up, nowhere else but up.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Has to be thrown from the nest to learn how to fly. Like, bro, that is how that's, that is so, there's more truth than poetry in that, but it is so poetic.

• 30:56Bunnie XO?

  No, it's so real. So let's circle back.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Circle me back.

• 30:59Bunnie XO?

  I am, we're gonna, I got you, baby. Listen, my husband's a Sagittarius, I got this. Um, so. Six years old, tell me what happens then. You're living this rock star lifestyle with your family. Moms, dad's girlfriends are calling the house. Shit's crazy, you guys are partying. Were you, you, were you guys exposed to drugs back then too and stuff, or was it just more alcohol?

• 31:22Speaker 02

  She, she, she would know better because I was, I was young. Like she has more memories than I do. We talk about this all the time where she was like, yeah, I was like nine. So there's a big difference between six and nine, you know? Where it's like, there's more memories. Um, but basically what happened is like they got, they got divorced and my mom was working for, my, my dad had a, a, a, he owned a warehouse. And it was a warehouse that would hold, um,

• 31:57Speaker 02

  things that truckers needed to come in town and pick up.

• 32:00Bunnie XO?

  Like parts and stuff?

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I think it was a lot like paint based, like paint for industrial stuff. And, uh, the loosest kind of career ever. Like I'm talking like it was party at the warehouse. You know what I'm saying? But it would just be truckers pulling up to this warehouse, picking up stuff. And my dad was a trucker before his whole life, which is why I love the road so much like, um, he was a trucker in his early life and, um, so they pulled it to their house. Anyway, my mom was working at that place with my dad. When they got divorced, my dad fired my mom. Okay?

• 32:30Bunnie XO?

  Son of a bitch.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, he fired my mom. And so my mom had no career, no money, nothing. And my mom was like, yo, I, you can't have, like you, like she fought for full custody, right? She was like, I know, no.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  And so my mom got full custody and due to that got the house that we were living in. The house wasn't paid for. My mom had no money. House got foreclosed on. Okay? So this big giant farm life that I was loving and was just like, shit, I think we're like, I think this is cool. Like we're good to go. Went to immediately like, living in like, A two-bedroom apartment in we moved to the suburbs. She moved us to suburbs. She's like, I gotta. I'm gonna bring you out of this like farm, put you in the suburbs. Like, we need to get you adjusted, all this, like. My mom went to being basically like an intern at a job to like. Top of the chain in like.

• 33:28Bunnie XO?

  That's where you get your drive from.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Forty years or what, or I don't know how long it was that she worked at that job, but she retired like. Ten years ago now, she's been retired, but she went from literally working for free to like top of the list, right? And but yeah, yeah, and through those times and like the first thing my mom did, so this is, this is part of my other formative. Everything is like, my mom was like, alright dude, like you don't, you're, you don't know how to be social. You know, I'm seven years old now. You don't know how to be social.

• 33:57Bunnie XO?

  Were you not in school?

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I was in school, like, but, but this school that I was in when I was on the farm was like. Five kids.

• 34:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying? It was like five kids.

• 34:07Bunnie XO?

  Like homeschooling, pretty much.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 34:10Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Okay, so now I'm like seven or whatever, seven or eight, and my mom's like. I'm gonna put you in sports. If you hate sports, you can quit, right? You can totally quit, but I'm gonna put you in sports because I feel like it'll give you like this social. Uh, acceptance of, of being like a team and like kind of forced to make those friends, right? And you'll have a coach, which is a father figure, okay?

• 34:33Bunnie XO?

  So was dad, did dad cut you guys off? Like?

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Oh, it was, it was that kind of dad. So he stayed in Minnesota for, I want to say like. Four years after they had gotten divorced and then he moved to Long Beach, California, but in those four years, it was the. Hey, I'm coming by to pick you up this weekend and never show up.

• 34:50Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  It was that. It was like me waiting in on the front step with a bag.

• 34:54Bunnie XO?

  Oh, that's so hurtful.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  And never, and never showing up.

• 34:56Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  And when he did show up, my dad always just wanted to be like, I'm so fly, I'm so like it, like he would. He would go and like get a big house in like the really like poor neighborhoods. Like and, and try to like show off and be all fly and this and that. And like, he was just, dude, he was, he was. The best hustler in the world. He could sell headphones to a deaf guy. I swear to God, he was like the. Greatest hustler ever. So I, for a lot of his life, I have no idea what he did.

• 35:23Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  He could always have like a hundred dollar bill in his pocket and that was probably it.

• 35:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Cause he did die with nothing, you know?

• 35:30Bunnie XO?

  Sorry, I just wanted to ask, cause you said that you needed a father, that she wanted you to have a father.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  No, so I, I had no father for sure. Yeah. So she put me in sports and like greatest thing, any, any tip to people out there that have children. My mom, I put on ice skates, got on the ice, got off. My mom looked at me and said, you're a fucking natural. And like, from that point on, my mom told me that about everything and she might have been lying through her teeth. But that inserted something in me that to this day, I believe I am a natural at anything I do. I s- I have so much confidence in myself that like, I'm meant to do this, you know? And it's like delusion and delusion is a lot, a big part of success, you know?

• 36:14Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely. Delusion and manifesting, they're hand in hand.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Opposite words, you're like delusion, negative, manifesting positive.

• 36:23Bunnie XO?

  Does delusion have to be negative? I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  It's not at all.

• 36:27Bunnie XO?

  I feel like you're avoiding negativity when you want to be in your own delusional world.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:32Bunnie XO?

  So I don't understand how it's native.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Exactly. Oh, sorry. I'm telling myself that I'm worth it.

• 36:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. Oh, the world hates that. Don't ever say that you are worth something because if you do, they're gonna try to humble you.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 36:46Bunnie XO?

  God.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 36:48Bunnie XO?

  So mom put you in sports?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, put me in sports, told me I was a natural. I began playing sports.

• 36:53Bunnie XO?

  Did you stick with the sports?

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, for many years. My first, so like, check this out. So like my first, I would say from like eight to thirteen, I was totally, totally, uh, a hundred percent thinking that I was a professional athlete, right?

• 37:11Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  I was a hundred percent like I'm a professional athlete, okay? I played goalie in hockey. I played lacrosse. I was nasty at lacrosse.

• 37:18Bunnie XO?

  Those are hard sports.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Goalie in hockey. I was nasty at goalie. I played catcher in baseball. My mom's like, yo, why not like choose the thing that's not all eyes on you if something goes wrong? Like she's like sitting in the stands like dude, you're the goalie in the back that if the goal goes in, you come home and you're like, I wanna fucking kill myself. But she was just like, alright, you got this, you know, like I was a loner, right? I was a loner, I was an imagination person, so I chose those, you know, when I zoom out and look back on it, I chose those positions, so I was like, sitting back in the net, like by myself, surrounded by no one, just being like, talking to myself like, yeah, god, we good, we good.

• 37:56Bunnie XO?

  Cause maybe in a way, you always felt like it was like you against the world.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 38:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, so even.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  One hundred percent.

• 38:02Bunnie XO?

  Even as a child.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  It was always like, I always was like, I cannot rely on anyone else to make me get there. I was always, a lot, a lot later into my life, one of my like, basically like mentors in my life told me this thing that changed my life, which was like, your life will be so much better if you can just be a hundred percent responsible, a hundred percent of the time.

• 38:26Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  When things go wrong, there is, it's a form of empathy to just realize that you're responsible somehow.

• 38:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  For it going wrong. And if you can stop being like, oh, but poor me, poor me, like, and just be like, alright, cool, lesson learned, like,

• 38:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  you'll, you'll, you'll be so much greater. So like, yeah, I always had this like hundred percent responsible, a hundred percent of the time, I'm gonna make it happen. Um, so I was playing sports and then the wildest thing happened when I was thirteen, you know? I'm flipping through ESPN and watching these sports games, right? Professional athletes. And then my sister is obsessed with Hanson.

• 39:03Bunnie XO?

  Oh, not a, not a Hanson girl over there.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  No, full on Hanson, full on Hanson, okay?

• 39:11Speaker 02

  And we're fighting for the remote and I'm flipping the hockey and she's flipping the Hanson.

• 39:16Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  And it just dawns on me, I go.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  I'm watching full on adults with their career. There is no child on the ice in the NHL.

• 39:28Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  And she's watching children play to an arena of people at a professional level. These kids are like between ten and thirteen. I think I can relate more to the youngins on the instruments than I can to the grownups on the ice. I was like, Mom, get me a drum set for Christmas. Get me a drum set for Christmas. That was it.

• 39:53Bunnie XO?

  You were like, this is it.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Get me a drum set for Christmas and like.

• 39:55Bunnie XO?

  Were you musically inclined before?

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Not one.

• 39:58Bunnie XO?

  Did you sing? Did you write?

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Not one bit.

• 40:01Bunnie XO?

  Really?

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Always, always, always in to, to drawing and painting.

• 40:06Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  That was always my thing. Like, I think one of my other first career goals. Yeah, yeah. One of my other first career goals was to be a comic book guy that drew comic books.

• 40:16Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Um, so I was into like that side of art. So I connected to that side of art. But as soon as I saw this, this youngin with the hair down to here, being like ten years old, playing drums to a arena of people. And I realized in that moment, I said, I can't see what the hell the guitar player is doing from the TV screen. I can't see. I can't tell. This is too confusing for my mind to understand. This piano player, no idea. Can't even see it from the TV. I can just see he's moving his hands. But drums, he's got sticks in his hand and he's got four drums in front of him. I can see every move he's making.

• 40:52Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  I was like, I can learn from a distance. You know, I can learn that from a distance. From that, it led me to finding Travis Barker.

• 41:02Bunnie XO?

  Well, wait, wait, wait.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:04Bunnie XO?

  Let's not skip over that.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:05Bunnie XO?

  That is, cause I, I play an instrument too, which is piano, which I suck at it now, but I grew up playing piano. And to learn an instrument by watching somebody.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:13Bunnie XO?

  Is a fucking talent in its own.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  But you see what I'm saying with drums. It's like the only one that you can look and be like.

• 41:19Bunnie XO?

  But that's still hard.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  You're going like this. You're going like this. You're going like this. No matter how fast you're doing it, I can still tell what you're doing.

• 41:27Bunnie XO?

  That's crazy that you were able to do that. So you got a drum set and you just sat there and you watched Hanson videos? Or did you discover Blink 182 by then?

• 41:36Speaker 02

  So I had the drum set and I was still in sports at this moment, right? Had the drum set, would look at it and be like this and like I took lessons for a second. My mom put me in lessons and I had one lesson. It was from a dude who came over fully drunk and tried to pick up my mom. On a date. And my mom was like, dude, I don't think we can make this happen. Like, I don't think I can just have like random men coming to this house to like, teach you how to play drums, you know?

• 42:05Bunnie XO?

  I love your mom.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  She's the greatest. One day you gotta meet her because she is so cool. Like, I just got this awesome new, new house in Tarzana. That's like my, it's my happy place. And like I have, she has her own room there full on. And I'm just like, I'm like, mom, and when I get this house, like I'm gonna get this house and you have to spend six months of the year at least out here, period. End of story.

• 42:25Bunnie XO?

  You are a mama's boy, but in a good way.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Oh, it's, I love it. I love it. I have great, I have great, I was raised by my mom and my sister, right? Completely. Like, I have great female energy to like make females feel safe and comfortable and open around me. And it's my like, one of my favorite qualities about myself. Cause I'm so not alpha male.

• 42:47Bunnie XO?

  That's, that's amazing. There's too many fucking alphas running around in the world just hurting women. That's why so many women have chosen the bear. Have you seen this whole thing that's going on online where it's like, they're like, if you got, they've asked women, have you seen this thing? If you get lost in like a forest, would you want to be lost in the forest with a bear or with a man? And about 99% of women have chosen the bear. Is that not fucking insane? That's the fucking world we live in. So we need men like you, Ma. We need men like you, baby. Please, they need to make more.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  That's so real.

• 43:23Bunnie XO?

  It's wild. But anyways, circling back. So you start playing the drums?

• 43:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:28Bunnie XO?

  And is this when you had started? I had heard somewhere that you had started like watching the Blink 182?

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, so like drum set for a minute, like, kinda got a little discouraged.

• 43:38Bunnie XO?

  I'm gonna look at my notes too, by the way, because we're right here.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Please do. Cut the camera, cut to me. She's not doing anything. There's nothing.

• 43:44Bunnie XO?

  I'm not texting, I swear.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  They kinda like went to the wayside because I got a little discouraged, you know, by like the lessons and like, and like, it just. There was only so many little videotapes that she took of Hanson that I could watch.

• 43:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I mean, they only had like two good hits, right?

• 44:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, don't say that around her. Look at her, she tripping, she tripping, she like, how dare you? She shows her Hanson tattoo.

• 44:08Bunnie XO?

  I was not a Hanson fan, was not a Hanson fan, but do you really have a Hanson tattoo? Okay, I was like, we gotta talk about this, sis.

• 44:19Bunnie XO?

  They really did only have like two hits, though, that I thought of, right? Um Bop and what was the other one? That were like mainstream. Give it a goog. Come on.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  You can talk.

• 44:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you can talk, we love that, yeah, we love that.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Oh, no, look at, she's already, whoa, you guys. You're being a little hard on Hanson over here.

• 44:40Bunnie XO?

  I love that, a different release pattern. I love that, that's amazing. That is hilarious.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  All right, all right, all right, they had two hits, okay?

• 44:53Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  They're looking up the second one.

• 44:57Bunnie XO?

  Giving them two, giving them two hits, giving them two hits might have been nice.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  You've never heard, yeah.

• 45:03Bunnie XO?

  You've never heard of Um Bop?

• 45:04Speaker 02

  You're young, you're young, I can already tell, you're young.

• 45:07Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  I already know how old you are.

• 45:09Bunnie XO?

  If she doesn't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, a hundred fucking percent. Literally had a conversation with someone the other night, he's like, you don't know Hanson? All right, okay, understand.

• 45:19Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no. All right, so you started playing these drums and you got tired of fucking Hanson. Tired of listening to Hanson.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  And then, all of a sudden, it must have been 1999, 2000, like 2000, all of a sudden, I see Blink-182, see Travis Barker, I see the coolest looking person I've ever seen in my life, and I'm like, watching him play drums, and I'm like, oh, bet. I was like, I got a drum set in my basement, I was like, it's done. This is the person I connect with, and that was at the time, just when like Napster and Kazaa and these other little things that you could download videos. This is 56K dial-up internet.

• 45:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  I just proceeded to download every single thing, I would have to stay up all night because the phone line would get you. So I'd have to stay up all night and download these things and I'd wake up right away in the morning as it was downloading all the and I'd go and I'd fucking make sure that did it come through okay. And but while you could do this, this is this was actually the greatest thing. While you were downloading something um at these times, it took you like. Three days to download a music video, you know, real talk and but you could preview. You could preview it while it was downloading. So if it had fifteen percent, you could watch fifteen percent of it. So I would sit this far from the computer screen and watch that five percent, watch that ten percent, watch that fifteen percent and sit there and just. Watching every I can see everything you're doing, everything you're doing and um.

• 46:39Bunnie XO?

  That is crazy.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  And and proceeded to do that. I mean, the whole time my mom is going.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Get off the internet and go be a normal kid. I can't use the phone. Like, what are you doing down there? And I'm like. Guess this internet thing wasn't a fad.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Kind of on to something, huh? Um, and I just proceeded to watch every single thing and was always the kid that was like. Oh, I can play like one song, time to start a band, you know?

• 47:09Bunnie XO?

  So when did you start your first band?

• 47:11Speaker 02

  First band thirteen years old.

• 47:13Bunnie XO?

  Really? You just fucking were like, one day, this is this is my ten year change. You know how you said you do you change every ten years? This was like your ten year change and you were ready to just do something completely different. I love that about you.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  And I started it, started it, had to like. And and still again, like it was it was really hard because when I turned uh sixteen, right? Um, or or just so right as you're going into high school, so right as you're going into freshman year, that was when. Hockey, because I was like slated to be like a pro goalie, like I was a good Minnesota is a is a hockey town. And pros come from Minnesota and my city that I was in Bloomington, Minnesota, we had. The scouts would come to our school to pick pros, right? I was slated to be a professional goalie, okay? And I was working with goalie coaches and like you're gonna be a pro, like we got this, right?

• 48:06Speaker 02

  And I had to make like the hardest decision ever at that time, which was going into high school. This is right when it. Right when it turned into like, okay, sports is a job now because you're gonna go to school all day. Fucking hated school, barely made it through.

• 48:22Bunnie XO?

  Same.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  And then you're going to practice. Immediately from school, like your life is just, you're, you're in a nine to five.

• 48:29Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  You know?

• 48:30Bunnie XO?

  Literally.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  And I had to make the choice and be like, no, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a drummer. I'm gonna be a drummer and I had to quit and everyone, like I had, I had grown men. Goalie coaches coming to take me out to lunch to try to convince me otherwise. Don't do it. Don't do it. Trust me, you're a goalie, you're not gonna be a musician. Do you know, you know how many times at this time I got told one in a million and I was like, you're looking at the one.

• 48:59Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  You're looking at the one, my boy, like.

• 49:02Bunnie XO?

  That's all it takes.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Sorry to say, I'm gonna be the one.

• 49:05Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  You know? And I believed that and I quit every sport. Picked up a skateboard, started getting really good at skateboarding and it, my life just became skateboarding and drums. And wearing Dicky's Downy here and Vans and famous stars straps t-shirts and I had to change my whole appearance like overnight, like it all changed like. I don't care, this whole poserism and this whole like, oh, all of a sudden you're dressing the part like this, oh, you like punk music. So now all of a sudden you got like Liberty Spikes and you're wearing the Sid Vicious chain like, yeah, cool, change your appearance.

• 49:34Bunnie XO?

  Are people not allowed to grow?

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:36Bunnie XO?

  And experience different.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  But then again, that's the world shutting the door on them. It's like, that word poser, it's like, yeah, for sure. The first day I showed up to the skate park, not knowing how to skate and was like, wearing the lame shit, like, I was posing.

• 49:48Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  To be like y'all. Cause I wanted to be like y'all.

• 49:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  But like, don't ever for a second doubt that a year later I was one of y'all.

• 49:56Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  Right?

• 49:57Bunnie XO?

  But you put in the work.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Is everyone not a poser the first day they doing something? You don't think Van Gogh picked up a, a paintbrush and felt like a poser the first time he painted?

• 50:05Bunnie XO?

  Tried to paint, yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Looking like at other paintings, like everyone's a poser the first time they try to do something they wanna do.

• 50:11Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  The fuck is wrong with y'all? Like, yeah, yeah, it's so real and it's like, people just be so afraid of, you know, whatever. It's so easy to do that. It's human condition. Like you want people like you, you know?

• 50:22Bunnie XO?

  I love that though, that even at thirteen, you had such a, a confidence and such a strong mindset to say, you know what? No, I, I don't care that these grown adults are telling me that I'm not gonna make it, I'm gonna fucking make it. Like I have, I've had that mindset my entire life, even as a kid, people told me you're gonna end up barefoot and pregnant, you leave home. I left home at fourteen and never looked back. You know, you have to be your fucking number one fan. Nobody else is gonna believe in you the way that you do. And it's manifesting. You're literally a powerful human being to be able to manifest something like that, especially so young. You know, and to sit there, I'm still mind blown, but to sit there and learn how to play the drums by watching music videos, that's like some fucking like

• 51:02Bunnie XO?

  crazy like, am I allowed to say, is it politically correct if I say, but it's like Rain Man shit, like you are just like zeroed in and fucking just like that you must have like a, your IQ must be huge. Have you ever had an IQ test?

• 51:12Speaker 02

  No, I never had.

• 51:13Bunnie XO?

  We need to do one on him.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  But I really barely, I really barely made it out of high school, you know?

• 51:18Bunnie XO?

  That doesn't matter.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  No, I know for sure.

• 51:19Bunnie XO?

  Some of the smartest people

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:21Bunnie XO?

  failed in school.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 51:23Bunnie XO?

  Like the you, the, it's just not, at school to me is a trap, but don't, kids, if you're listening, go to school.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  For sure. Go to experience school.

• 51:31Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, go to experience in school and just to have your friends and all that stuff, but yeah, to sit there and be able to like, you know, just be so headstrong at such a young age is admirable. Tell me about this first band and where this took you.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Band, I mean, the first band was like, was like, you know, a, a couple of friends, like this really was when I was thirteen, fourteen, and it was just like, you're learning how to play guitar. Like you're the only one in this city, cause I was in the suburbs, surrounded by jocks and cheerleaders for real, like, right? That was what it was. It was sports and cheerleading and that's it. So I'm in those suburbs and I found like one kid that could play, that was learning how to play guitar. I was like, that, like, we're in a band, you know what I'm saying? And it was really just me and a guitar player, you know what I'm saying? There was no like, and then we found our like, kinda like other like delinquent homie that we're like, just pick up a bass, like everyone says like.

• 52:24Bunnie XO?

  Slap of the bass.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  Everyone's like, you know, like, anyone can play bass, like, you know, no disrespect to y'all bass players, like, but everyone, that's kind of a thing in music.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  You know, Sid Vicious was put in the Sex Pistols cause he looked so cool.

• 52:37Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  They were like, you just look so cool, just pick up the bass, bro.

• 52:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Like, whatever.

• 52:42Bunnie XO?

  My dad's a guitar player. And what was an extremely amazing guitar player and he in his latter years in life just switched over to bass because it was easier.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, you got four strings and you're usually only playing two of them and you only have to do one at a time. Yeah, yeah, it's awesome. You gotta have groove. You gotta have like falling in the pocket, but for sure. So that band was more just like we're learning our favorite songs.

• 53:04Bunnie XO?

  What was the name?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Uh, Almost There.

• 53:07Bunnie XO?

  Ah, I love that.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Almost There.

• 53:09Bunnie XO?

  What that's.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  The next band I was in though. We were sixteen. We're called The Sideline Heroes.

• 53:17Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  That's that name still to this day is so cool. Sideline Heroes like.

• 53:23Bunnie XO?

  Why haven't you written a song called Sideline Heroes?

• 53:24Speaker 02

  I know I do. I really need to. I really need to.

• 53:27Bunnie XO?

  I'd like writer cred for that.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  We're totally gonna write together. You're definitely doing the intro. We're taking something from this. And uh, and we were rad. We were super rad. Like we, we were all like the bad kids in high school. We were all the like, you know, failing students in high school and the like anti everything, you know, this was like. Oh, the, this was the, this was the uh, revolution starter of guys wearing girls jeans. You know what I'm saying? And getting hated on.

• 53:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. So you guys were wearing skinny jeans back then?

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Oh, not skinny jeans, girls jeans, because they didn't even make guys skinny jeans.

• 54:05Bunnie XO?

  Oh, so you guys were literally just wearing.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Girls jeans.

• 54:08Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. And I, I dyed half my hair blonde, half my hair black, and I came to school with, I kid you not, a briefcase, not a backpack. I walked through the hallways of high school with a briefcase and a scarf on in seventy degree weather.

• 54:24Bunnie XO?

  You would have been one of my friends in, in high school because I loved anybody who was different. Like I have always been drawn to the people who are different because I'm different, you know? So I, I loved people like you. What was your relationship status in high school? When you started playing in a band, did all the girls start flocking a lot more?

• 54:43Speaker 02

  You know, I always had like, like I said, I have female energy.

• 54:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  So I always had like, uh, like girls. Yeah, I always, I always did like, and I I've been very fortunate with like, the females that I've attracted in my life.

• 54:58Bunnie XO?

  I don't think you have female energy. I think you have safe energy.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:01Bunnie XO?

  And to females, that's huge.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:04Bunnie XO?

  We don't wanna be around fucking Predator Earl.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:06Bunnie XO?

  We wanna fucking.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  And also not, hey, let me talk to you in a way that I don't talk around my friends.

• 55:12Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 55:13Speaker 02

  Not that. I'm like, I'm like so the exact person in front of women and you know what I'm saying?

• 55:19Bunnie XO?

  That's how my husband is. He's safe. Like, women are okay being around him and alone with him because they don't have to fear of anything weird and creepy.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  So I had a, I did have a really cute girlfriend in high school for sure. Yeah.

• 55:31Bunnie XO?

  What was her name?

• 55:32Speaker 02

  Uh, Jenny. Jenny Scoob.

• 55:34Bunnie XO?

  Jenny, what's up, baby?

• 55:36Speaker 02

  And I still, my sister is still friends with her and talks to her and checks in. But like, that was like, yeah, that was for sure the first love of my life for sure. We dated like all, I wanna say like all through high school, but she was like the really pretty sweet girl that would like come to like, cause we were playing like punk rock shows. There was a venue in Minnesota called The Garage. It was like a youth center. And we would play there every weekend and like we got big in the city. You know what I'm saying? We really did. And um, that, that led me to being in um, the first band that really like made it, made it type of, type of scenario. Like the first band I toured with, the first band that like ever spoke to a label and any of that.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  And we were called The Semester. And I, I got, I got to be in that band because the two really good artists, uh, musicians that were like musician kids that were like grew up in church playing instruments and giving guitar lessons to like grown men when they were like fucking fourteen, you know? Really good. And I was self-taught, right?

• 56:38Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  They were really good and I had to like try out to be in their band. You know, it was like I'm like sixteen, seventeen, like trying out to be in a band. Like this is wild. They were amazing and they were from a different city, but the band I was in. All from my same city would go and we'd play at this youth center and it was a whole scene. It was all the like outcast kids from surrounding areas were there. And they were starting a new band and my band was like breaking up and I was like, all right, I wanna play with these guys and. I ended up being in a band with these guys after three trials, you know, I ended up playing with them um. And they would later break my heart and I would later bring them back into my life and.

• 57:19Bunnie XO?

  Well, we gotta talk about it. You can't, you can't go over it. Really quick though, not to interrupt, well, to interrupt you, I just wanted to say. Isn't it crazy how your girlfriend was the sweet girl coming to the bad boys show? Isn't that so reminiscent of your mom and your dad?

• 57:32Speaker 02

  It really is exactly like that. It's so funny cuz I've kinda never like put that together in a string of sentences.

• 57:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I had to like circle back to that cuz I just, I thought that was really sweet.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  And it totally was, like, I'm not wrong, huh? It totally was, yeah, yeah.

• 57:46Bunnie XO?

  So what did these boys do to you?

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Okay, well, well, so like from, so then, so then, uh, I guess like sophomore year now is in this like really like. Good band where we were playing every day, writing our own songs, like. Recording and doing all this and I was the mouthpiece. I was always the best mouthpiece. Like I wasn't the best artist, uh, musician in the band.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Cuz I was self-taught, you know? I didn't even understand what timing was, right? I was just like, play fast, man, what are you talking about? You know?

• 58:15Bunnie XO?

  We're playing punk music here. Who's counting?

• 58:17Speaker 02

  And I was, I was the mouthpiece though. I would get us into the biggest venue in town. I would, I was like. Dude, I was the best at forming an email. I could like hit the sentences that the grown up would be like, I believe in this kid, right? So I'll get us into the big venues. I would get us on, you know, like I would get us on to go do like a little. For show, little mini tour by talking to other bands from other places and I was getting the eyes on us, you know? And, uh, the whole goal was like, I'm gonna be in this band for the rest of my life, like. We got out of high school, the literally the day after I graduated and I barely graduated, the day after I graduated, we got in a tour event and went on a. Three-month tour around the country.

• 58:58Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Playing shows for twenty fucking dollars. Sleeping on people's floor. The whole point of playing a show is to get on stage and go, hey, we got nowhere to stay tonight. If anyone here wants to let us stay at their house, like, that whole era of bands is done. It's long gone, you know?

• 59:13Bunnie XO?

  My husband used to do that. When him and I first got together, I've seen him play shows to five people and rock the stage like it was like he's playing a fucking amphitheater.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  I'm telling you right now, that's what separates us and them.

• 59:26Bunnie XO?

  No, for real. You got, not that we're putting down new artists now, but it's like you guys really were in these streets. Like you guys had to fucking,

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:36Bunnie XO?

  sleep on people's couches. You guys had fucking, we didn't have a tour van, a tour bus when this shit first started out. We had fucking a rental car or when we graduated from the rental car to a Sprinter van or not a Sprinter, but the eighteen passenger.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  And then you would get to the Sprinter, but yeah.

• 59:53Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, like there's levels to this shit. Yeah. So I get it. One hundred percent.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  I remember just being like,

• 59:58Bunnie XO?

  What was your first show like that you played?

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  First show ever as a drummer.

• 1:00:03Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  First show ever as a drummer was like, at this you, at this youth center.

• 1:00:08Bunnie XO?

  Okay. So you were thirteen when that happened or like sixteen?

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  That would be like the first show that wasn't like in our living room to like five people or like my mom. And then we can circle back to my first show as Motsun because then you'll see how this whole thing like builds up and then boom and then builds up and then boom. Like those kinds of things. And it's been, it's been wild with that, but um, uh, so anyways, back to how they broke my heart.

• 1:00:31Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  We, we went on this tour, okay? I was like in contact with labels. I was like, this is it. This is my whole life. We got back from that tour. They called me on uh, three, three, the other three of them on the phone go, you're kicked out of our band. You're not good enough. Peace. These were my like best friends. These are everything. They literally looked at me. They literally called me and said, peace. You're not good enough to be in our band. And that was it.

• 1:00:55Bunnie XO?

  After you guys had just did this tour and fucking we're talking, did they get greedy?

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Pulled the rug out. They just said I wasn't good enough for them. That wasn't good enough of a drummer.

• 1:01:04Bunnie XO?

  That's hurtful.

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  And like them just pulled the rug out and like, I, this is the most beautiful time in my life because it was so, it was so hard. And it created exactly where I am today. I,

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  Went, I was living with my mom still, you know what I'm saying, super broke, like being in a band, you're broke, like, right, like.

• 1:01:24Bunnie XO?

  Starving artist is real.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Completely broke. And this is my first now year out of high school. And my mom's like, shit dude, you were betting everything on this. And like, you literally were like, fuck any other plans in high school or what I'm supposed to be thinking about, like, this is all I'm doing. And they just pulled the rug. I mean, my mom's such like a, she's like, I'm gonna go knock on their door and talk to their, you know, my mom's like, nah. Like, she'll fight for me, right? Same with my sister. And, uh, but I just like, this was my first time ever feeling like depression. Right? It's my first time. I locked myself in my mom's garage. And I was a stoner. Oh, also, I got kicked out of the band because I was like a stoner and also like had found drugs and like stuff like that. Maybe a caveat that I forgot to introduce that.

• 1:02:07Bunnie XO?

  Let's not skip over that, buddy.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  These guys were also super straight laced. And I was like, I grew up with a dad like telling me to party at age five, guys. Like, you guys were in church growing up and like, uh, like we live a different life, but yeah, I was like.

• 1:02:20Bunnie XO?

  Story and then we'll, we'll circle back to the.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:23Bunnie XO?

  Introduce, introduction to drugs.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  So, maybe glossed over that part a little bit.

• 1:02:28Bunnie XO?

  But I love that you take accountability for that because a lot of people would not.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I mean, I'll never forget it first time, like, again, I told them, I was like, yo, I tried cocaine and they were like.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  How dare you?

• 1:02:40Bunnie XO?

  They clutched their pearls.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  They were like, oh, your life is over, you know? Like that type of shit. And I was like, yeah, dude, like I was on mushrooms the other night. That shit was crazy, you know? They're like, they're like, cool. They're like, bro, this dude is losing it, you know? So again, I do take responsibility, but the way they went about it being like, you're not good enough, you're out, right?

• 1:02:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  That was like heartbreaking. Um, and then to just be like, forget our number, we're never talking to you again. Um, so then anyways, locked myself in my mom's garage, smoked weed all day and finally connected to Bob Dylan because when I was young, it was just, listen to Bob Dylan, listen to Bob Dylan. When your parents are telling you to listen to something, you're like, no dog, like you're my parents, like, right? But I was always like, there's something there. And I like forced myself to like really get into it. And I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day. And I was like, that's it. I love this because. When I was in bands, I would sing along to songs and then I'd turn them off and I'd be like to my homies who are really good and be like la da da da da da, hey, what key am I singing in? You're not even in a key, dog. You can't sing. Don't ever sing, you know?

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  Telling me, you can't sing. You're not a singer. And I would hear, I hate Bob Dylan's voice. He can't sing. And I'm like, boom, there's our through line. They tell, they say this dude can't sing. They say I can't sing. He fucking did something with it. I'm doing something with it. And that was it. I was like, I'm starting my own thing. And if I can't sing yet, I'll tell you what I can do. Like, I'm gonna get there, but I'll tell you what I can do. You play drums and I got rhythm and I can, I understand pattern. I'm gonna rap.

• 1:04:09Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  Can't tell me I can't talk.

• 1:04:11Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:04:13Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  So it was like

• 1:04:14Bunnie XO?

  I love that nobody can tell you no.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  A hi hat, a hi hat's like a rap.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  And I was like, cool, I'm gonna put that together, you know?

• 1:04:23Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm. So you're, I see a pattern here that all throughout your life, if somebody tells you, you can't do something, you're gonna fucking prove them wrong.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  It's, it's my gift and my curse because it goes to authority too and ruins, can ruin great relationships that I'm in because I cannot be told what to do.

• 1:04:45Bunnie XO?

  Hmm. Does that trickle over into like women too?

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:04:49Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I run so far from authority. And that's like, that's like anyone just being like, try living your life the way I live it too. And me being like,

• 1:04:59Bunnie XO?

  Fuck no.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  How dare you tell me to change my lifestyle?

• 1:05:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  How dare you to tell me that I shouldn't be staying up till six AM every night and sleeping till two PM? How dare you tell me that I should try to like move with the sun? How dare you try to tell me that I should live like this or you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I'm, and that's like my biggest thing that I'm working on right now is like, understanding that like, there's a difference between authority of like me being a kid and being like chased by the cops for skateboarding on a six there. There's a difference between like that authority and be like, fuck you.

• 1:05:30Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  And a difference between someone being like, hey, you wanna like live how I live too?

• 1:05:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  You wanna like meet in the middle, dog? Like you wanna do that and not just be like, I'm your plus one, like to your life?

• 1:05:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  Like a hundred percent. I'm really focused on like understanding that, but it's a trigger.

• 1:05:50Bunnie XO?

  Are you in therapy?

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  I have done great, great therapy sessions and then I like kinda stray away.

• 1:05:56Bunnie XO?

  Cause of the authority, probably. Because you have somebody telling you what to do.

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  But they've given me so many of those like, here's the starting point.

• 1:06:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:06:06Bunnie XO?

  Which is what we need.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  Here's the starting point, like, like my therapist gave me the greatest piece ever, which was like, this is why you do that because like, I've seemed to uh end up in relationships with famous girls. Right? It's been like a pattern and why, you know, people be like, even my friends, like, man, you're a star fucker, bro.

• 1:06:30Bunnie XO?

  I think you're just like strong women.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Boom.

• 1:06:33Bunnie XO?

  Who are driven.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Boom, boom. I was in my head being like, what is wrong with me? Why am I like, like this? Why am I like so attracted to like, a celebrity woman and whatever? And it's like, my therapist was like, okay, so you watch your mom get completely, everything taken away from your, for your father and think that she was feel worthless and powerless and you've seen, you know, her be abused in multiple ways. You want to be with a strong woman and the industry you're in, the strong women you're surrounded by are the ones with fame. If you were working in an office, you'd wanna fuck the CEO.

• 1:07:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  You feel me?

• 1:07:17Bunnie XO?

  And there's nothing wrong with that.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  And I was just like, boom, I feel so much better about myself. Cause I was like, damn. I'm a star fucker? Like, what is that? I'm like, well, I am from Minnesota, small town. I used to see magazine covers and be like, one day.

• 1:07:32Bunnie XO?

  You're trying to rationalize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a strong woman who has her own shit going on.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:07:37Bunnie XO?

  It's the independence, I think, that attracts you to women who are famous because they can do whatever the fuck they want because they have their own money.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:07:44Bunnie XO?

  You know, so yeah, it does circle back to childhood trauma, but doesn't always mean that it's a negative thing.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:07:49Bunnie XO?

  You know?

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Truly, truly. And I am like, where's the normal girl in my life that works at Starbucks?

• 1:07:56Bunnie XO?

  Can we talk about some of your relationships? We're gonna circle back to the drug thing too. I haven't forgotten, but can we talk about some of your relationships?

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:02Bunnie XO?

  I did see a couple of them online, um, some girls that you have been with, and I mean like Bella Thorne, beautiful, strong woman. Take me on that journey.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  Dude, that was a really, that was like a really fun one and then like ended like really traumatically and stuff and like that that was a that was just like a you know, this was when I was a drug addict and alcoholic and this was like met her through friends was like, look at this like wild child girl. I was also like in like it's like I'm like very hippie ism like the way I live life is very hippie, you know what I'm saying? And uh she was on that, you know? I was like this girl with like hairy armpits. It's like so beautiful. I was like, why is that so attractive to me like?

• 1:08:49Bunnie XO?

  Cause she's a rebel baby.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  It was like it really was. I was like, you're so like just naturally like don't give a fuck and whatever. So um just like so many amazing times with her and you know, I have, I do have this like not only with authority, like I don't wanna be the plus one. So it is hard to like match the energy of like, oh, you're like more popping than me. You know?

• 1:09:11Bunnie XO?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  And like so, so a lot of it was that, but like I was super supportive and I loved watching her shine and uh she was very like very, you lived your life in like a grown way and took care of things and all that um but it ended poorly, you know what I'm saying? We were like in this like maybe we're in like a like polyamorous like like throuple relationship with this other person and I'm a jealous fucking person too, so I was like.

• 1:09:39Bunnie XO?

  Even if it's another female? Oh, he said, oh yeah.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  I'm just so jealous.

• 1:09:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, cause you're a lover boy.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  I so jealous. Yeah, I have a jealousy thing. Again, like I know my things to work on, you know what I'm saying? March tenth.

• 1:09:52Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, we've been sitting here this whole time and in my head Pisces just keeps fucking replaying. That is fucking wild, dude.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  Total Pisces.

• 1:09:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I love that. I'm a Pisces Venus, so I'm, I love hard.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Bunnie XO?

  Like when we love, we are, it's like an ocean.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  And I dive off the cliff too. I dive off the cliff into it. Um, and like so, so anyways, like this was definitely like one of my first like really, really, you know, I'd, I'd love to beat the two and a half year mark, but they, they, these things with me seem to last like two and a half years, you know? And it was two and a half years of my life.

• 1:10:22Bunnie XO?

  That's when you. You really get to know somebody, though, and that's when the masks start falling off. Like, people always say, oh, it's the first six months. No, it's not. It could be over a year. And you don't really get to know somebody until like a year and a half, two years into the relationship. My husband and I fought like cats and dogs the first three years of our relationship. I do not know how we fucking survived it and made it to where we are. Because we literally had to learn to, one, we had to learn that we were both trash bags. And then we had to fucking unpack the trash together. And then we had to decide, like, hey, are we gonna continue to fucking be trash bags? Or are we gonna fucking try to just level up together? And I think that in relationships.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  And a real partnership, like.

• 1:11:04Bunnie XO?

  But, you know, that's two and a half, two years is, or two, two and a half years is where you get to a point of like, it's make or break. And if the two people can't decide, hey, we wanna do this together and level up, which a lot of people aren't built like that anymore. These, like, I, heaven forbid, if anything ever happened, I would never wanna date in this fucking society again. Because nobody knows how to work on things and like really fucking struggle with somebody. You know, like, people don't, they want, they want the happiness and they want the fairy tale, but they don't wanna struggle. They don't want the lows, they want the highs, you know what I'm saying? So I think that's probably where you're meeting that um situation over and over again. Is because you're picking partners who don't wanna do the work. Or maybe you at that moment didn't wanna do the work.

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  So real.

• 1:11:51Bunnie XO?

  Sorry, I'm not, I'm not trying to over here be, be a therapist or anything.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  Like, I, I, I'm actually like tuned into these conversations more than ever because I'm like, do I like just die alone? Like, for real? Like, is that my journey? And like, like, look, like, like, obviously it sounds whatever, but it's also like so romanticized to me. Cause I'm like tortured, locked up artist in the middle of the woods, painting and smoking cigarettes and fucking writing books.

• 1:12:14Bunnie XO?

  Would you choose the bear or the man?

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  The bear.

• 1:12:17Bunnie XO?

  Because you said you were in the middle of the woods.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, the bear all day. And that would be the same if I was a female too. I'd be like, the bear.

• 1:12:27Bunnie XO?

  You said the bear, what?

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 1:12:30Bunnie XO?

  So I just wanted to make you laugh. You're not gonna die alone. You're not.

• 1:12:34Speaker 02

  You know what?

• 1:12:34Bunnie XO?

  There's a girl.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  I know when I say that, it sounds like one of those things, but I am like, I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like, who, like, I, yeah, yeah, I know it sounds like, like sad, but to me, it's so romanticized and so just like, you know what, like, I've, I've had it, I've felt it and like, we'll, we'll see what happens, but I'm, I am in love with other things, you know?

• 1:12:59Bunnie XO?

  You have manifested, not that a woman will make you any more than you already are your whole by yourself, but you have manifested everything in your fucking life.

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:09Bunnie XO?

  You are gonna manifest the perfect woman for you.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:11Bunnie XO?

  You just have to believe that.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:13:13Bunnie XO?

  Like you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life. You have to start believing it.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:19Bunnie XO?

  Stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love. Start visualizing your perfect girl.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:13:25Bunnie XO?

  I would tell you a trick to do, but I don't know if I'll get in trouble on the podcast, but it's, it's, it's like a, um.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Well, then cut it if it is, but tell me.

• 1:13:33Bunnie XO?

  So when you're masturbating.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Bunnie XO?

  You, Mimi is like, oh, here we go. So when you're, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:43Bunnie XO?

  And

• 1:13:45Bunnie XO?

  masturbate to her and to you, you know, fruition.

• 1:13:47Speaker 02

  That's great because I don't watch porn.

• 1:13:49Bunnie XO?

  That's manifesting though, but and, and, and they say, I don't know if it's like a witchcraft thing or a spell thing. I'm not into that, but they say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting the person that you want and these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes. Call me afterwards.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  I gotta get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been through.

• 1:14:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, clear the slate.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  Should've told me that like twenty years ago, baby.

• 1:14:16Bunnie XO?

  Clear the slate, so if you're jerking off to celebrities, you're manifesting celebrities. You see that, you know, so.

• 1:14:22Speaker 02

  Word, word. I'm thinking, I'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole like start of the trauma, I think we just actually found the reason.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, wasn't the like mom thing, it's like what you been doing.

• 1:14:38Bunnie XO?

  It's a smorgasbord of all of it, but I mean, if you are whacking off to celebrities, it makes sense, you know, so. So moving on to your.

• 1:14:45Speaker 02

  No, it's back in the ima- it's the imagination, you know what I'm saying, like.

• 1:14:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  But I do think watching porn fucks you up.

• 1:14:51Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I, I, see, I don't mind porn, it doesn't bother me, but I, when it's a problem.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:56Bunnie XO?

  Like if you're watching porn more than touching your partner, then that's a problem.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, which that happens in a lot of relationships.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  Oh, hundred percent.

• 1:15:05Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:15:08Bunnie XO?

  Moving on to your next relationship, the one that, your most recent one, are we?

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Most recent, yeah.

• 1:15:13Bunnie XO?

  Can we touch on that one?

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, certainly.

• 1:15:14Bunnie XO?

  That was a brutal year for you last year.

• 1:15:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:17Bunnie XO?

  Can you take me on that journey? How did you meet Avril?

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Um, we, we, uh, we met through music, you know, we met through music and it was like, it was a, a great time, like I worked on an album that she was doing and we had a song of mine together and, um.

• 1:15:36Bunnie XO?

  It's called, what, what is it called?

• 1:15:37Speaker 02

  Our song is called Flames, yeah.

• 1:15:39Bunnie XO?

  Flames, yeah, you guys gotta listen to the song, it's a great song.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a great song and like we met through like a really awesome way, which was making music, you know, and it was lovely and she was like, true talent, being around like really true talent, especially was as like, I, I, I write songs, um, for other artists as well, you know, and produce for other artists as well and she, it was like amazing, like coming up with an idea and seeing someone like so fucking talented, sing it and it was like, it was, it was incredible and also I've known who she was since I was. A very young kid in fucking Minnesota.

• 1:16:14Bunnie XO?

  I heard you had her posters on your wall.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:16:17Bunnie XO?

  Manifested, see? Start whacking off, Ma.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:20Bunnie XO?

  All right, start manifesting and whacking off.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, right, I know, low key.

• 1:16:24Bunnie XO?

  That's your homework.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  Low key, and she was, yeah, yeah, so, um, it was like just a really, it was a really, it was a really beautiful time when we met and it was also in the pandemic, so like we, you know, like I said, I dive in fast as fuck. I just like completely dive into something. And um, I think she was that way as well, and we just like ended up immediately being with each other and living together, and it was in the pandemic where we're all stuck inside anyway. So it was like, um, it was a really-

• 1:16:57Bunnie XO?

  That's a way to get to know somebody really fast, though.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:59Bunnie XO?

  Cause that's what my husband and I did. We got married a month after a meeting.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's like how I've always been.

• 1:17:04Bunnie XO?

  Hop into the fucking frying pan.

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:06Bunnie XO?

  Like, we're gonna figure this shit out.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, and um, and yeah, it was like a really incredible time. She was like a very, she's, she's like a, a grown woman. You know, and that was a wonderful change for my relationship types to be with, you know?

• 1:17:22Bunnie XO?

  It's like the most amazing compliment that you can give a woman.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 1:17:26Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, and, and again, like, I wanna give anyone that I was in a relationship, like, the compliments. You know what I'm saying? Like, when we spoke about Bella a second ago, it was like I was, uh, uh, directing a video for a band called Palette Royale yesterday. And they're friends with her, and the whole concept of the video, uh, even if this doesn't make it in, I'd love to tell you this, it's, it's really great. Um, they don't even know that I'm making this video for them, okay? Their mother passed away last week, their three brothers in a band, okay? Their mother just passed away, and they have this giant song that's so good, that was already slated to come out. And they're like, their label's like, we, can we shoot a video, please? It's a sensitive time. Like, we can't, we won't be on camera, so.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Their management came to me and was like, can you put something together? And the whole thing is like friends and fans and other people from big bands coming together to create this like moment of a special video for them, not like a sad video at all, not like a dedication to their nothing like that, because the song's very upbeat.

• 1:18:27Bunnie XO?

  Fellowship.

• 1:18:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like showing them like, we got your back. And like also like when you do a gorilla video like that where you're just kinda like all coming together and on the spot.

• 1:18:35Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  It's like usually just thrown together like a shot them like an expensive crazy art video. Um, anyways, drum me back. Uh, they, their management knows that they're like good friends with Bella and they were like, yo, would you be comfortable if we invited her? And I was like, literally was like, I would love to say hi to her and, and, and give her a hug and send her my love. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:18:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  I was like, I would love that, you know? A year after we broke up, I was like, oh.

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  If I ever see you in public, like I'm gonna just give you the dirtiest look, but it's like I have nothing but, you know, love for that. So like, drum me back, like, yeah, it was being with a grown woman. It was awesome. It was, we're two different people, but um, it was great. I think, I think I had a great influence on her. I think she could have had a really more wonderful influence on me just from the side of like grown up and, and being a grown up kinda, you know, because I'm learning later in life of how beautiful it is. Like I'm, like I said, I'm very secure of who I am right now. And I've been a little lost in the last like three years as far as like, where do I fit in or who am I? And um, you know, there was, there was great things that I could have like taken out of it, but.

• 1:19:47Bunnie XO?

  That just sends you a message again of you're not good enough.

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, certainly, certainly. And, and um, and like on top of that too, it's just like, uh, I had to like really regain this big, big.

• 1:20:04Speaker 02

  Empathetic heart that I've been missing for a long time and like it's really come around lately. This like leading with empathy, you know, I pray every single day, right? And like,

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  in my prayers, I'm just like, allow me to lead with empathy and like be a shining light like. And my form of empathy is just finally attached to like being like, dude, you gotta get outside of yourself. And when someone does you wrong, stop thinking fuck them. You did me dirty. I'm out for revenge and this and that. It's start being like, just be in their position, like step outside and um, and things have like formed in my life lately where I was just like, oh my God. I don't, I can't have any of those feelings or anyone. I couldn't force myself to anymore. You know, if we had done this, like talk like three months ago, I might have been like, man,

• 1:21:01Speaker 02

  fuck that person.

• 1:21:02Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 1:21:02Speaker 02

  I wa- I wa- I hope she hears this. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, yo, run into you, all of love. I hope you're well, cuz I, I,

• 1:21:10Bunnie XO?

  That's healing though, is being able to, you know, put, I don't, uh, uh, maybe it's egos, maybe heartbreak aside and be like, hey man, I understand you were going through your own shit too.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:21:22Bunnie XO?

  Even though you fucking shattered my heart.

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:21:25Bunnie XO?

  Stomped on it on the way out. I still love you.

• 1:21:28Speaker 02

  And I am responsible for what happened as well.

• 1:21:31Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  In some way it trickles down to that. It's like, you know, I di- I didn't give you what you communicated at a lot of times too, what you needed, you know? And like that, that was another great thing I learned from the relationship was communication. Cuz like I'm like a run from the problem person. I'm like literally like leave the house. Like I don't wanna fight. I'm outta here.

• 1:21:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  When you calm down, I'll be back. That's so corny.

• 1:21:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  That's so the wrong way to go about things.

• 1:21:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:59Speaker 02

  Um, and so my communication skills have like gone through the roof lately and, and, and uh, and just being empathetic and, and also like I, I don't think it's hard to get there when you're not in a good place.

• 1:22:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, well, you're, when you're still in

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, when you're still on the other side of it being like, man, like, I, I'm, I feel like shit right now. How am I supposed to be happy for you? But it's like.

• 1:22:20Bunnie XO?

  It's okay that you felt like that too.

• 1:22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, I know. And that's what, you know, my best friend is, is Machine Akali and he is.

• 1:22:28Bunnie XO?

  We love Akali.

• 1:22:29Speaker 02

  He is, he is, I, I talked to him. If I'm not with him that day, I talk to him on the phone for three hours every day. And he is like, we are so there for each other. It is like, literally, I, I, talking about all these relationships and stuff, haven't felt emotional. I feel emotional talking about how much I fucking love my best friend.

• 1:22:48Bunnie XO?

  Oh, tell me about you guys' relationship. I want to hear all about it.

• 1:22:52Speaker 02

  Looking at my eyes right now.

• 1:22:53Bunnie XO?

  I know, that's why I want to hear about it. All right, we're back, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, we just had to take a bathroom break. Maude's eyes were floating.

• 1:23:01Speaker 02

  Extremely caffeinated right now, everyone, like extremely caffeinated.

• 1:23:05Bunnie XO?

  So, tell me about you and MGK's relationship. Cause you got a little teary eyed before you had to go pee.

• 1:23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did, I did, because he, we, we met each other, we've known each other for over a decade now. Um, he has seen, he sees me the way I would love the world to see me, right? And like, I, I think I'm a pretty good representation of that, you know what I'm saying? But he really a hundred percent is just like, I want you to, I want the world to see you how I see you, you know? And he is that person in my life that is, uh, like, he, he has like the truest like love for me as a person, you know? And wants to see me succeed and wants to see me happy. And when I say these things too, like, am I just gonna die alone?

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  He's like, bro, no, but you gotta start looking at the right. But that's why I was really talking, because we really talk to each other for three hours a day right now, just about like such real life stuff and, and real life things as well as him like, you know, the next song I'm releasing is a song that I played for him. And he was like, yo, it's great, this is gonna be your greatest song, but I want to help you take it there, you know? I want to help you take it there and then.

• 1:24:18Bunnie XO?

  Is it rap or is it rock?

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  It's a little bit, it's, it's, it's, it. It's definitely not rock, but there is a little bit of my like rap influence in it. And um it's an interpolation and I think we're gonna maybe talk about like dropping this right around the release of the song.

• 1:24:34Bunnie XO?

  When will it be releasing?

• 1:24:36Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:24:36Bunnie XO?

  When will it be released?

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  June seventh.

• 1:24:38Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, June seventh is when we're releasing it and um it's like me interpolating you are my sunshine, which is like in in this such cool way. It's like so cool how we did it and how we made it happen. Um but I've always been avoiding writing the sun song like mod sun, modern sunshine. Like I've always been avoiding like writing the sun song like, oh, I don't wanna put my finger on the pulse like that. And like I finally did. And I found this like really awesome way to do it. It's like my my favorite I've ever sounded my like coolest lyrics that I just feel like a different artist right now. And every time I listen to it, it's like the first time, but um but he's there for me that for that kind of thing. And then as well in his music, like I've written songs with him for his music and and we just look to each other for that. But more more importantly, like

• 1:25:23Speaker 02

  our bond as friends is so powerful. It is so

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  you know, meeting in the middle of two totally different people. We're two totally different people and so opposite. And I've just never had a friend that like truly like cares about me the way that he does. I don't know if I've ever had anyone in my life that cares about me the way he does.

• 1:25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, like he really like we were we were meant to be best friends in this life and like probably crossed paths in another life and

• 1:25:55Bunnie XO?

  You guys were probably brothers.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 1:25:58Bunnie XO?

  He's in your soul family for

• 1:25:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, cool. And like it it's so funny, like Megan says stuff like that for sure too. She's like, you know, um. But yeah, I've just never I've never felt like someone be so you know, I don't feel like a burden to him at all. Like if anything, it's like I'm I'm I don't tell him enough, you know? And I'm I've been really good my whole life at avoiding. Uh, conversations about myself, you know?

• 1:26:26Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  I really like to be the person, I read the forty eight laws of power way too early in my life and the first, the first, uh, rule is like, never try to outshine the person in the room, like, you know?

• 1:26:36Bunnie XO?

  I don't know if I agree with all of the forty eight.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  Fuck, no. And also, it's one of those books that if you have read, you just don't tell.

• 1:26:41Bunnie XO?

  I feel like it was like written by a narcissist or something.

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no.

• 1:26:45Bunnie XO?

  I didn't know if it was okay to say that because I didn't know if that was like your thing.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  And it's also one of those books that I'm like, yeah, I'm just not gonna tell anyone I've read that because they immediately are like, if they've read it too, they're like, oh, so you're an asshole too.

• 1:26:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, kindred souls.

• 1:27:00Speaker 02

  They're like, oh, so you're just like.

• 1:27:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:02Speaker 02

  Playing me right now.

• 1:27:03Bunnie XO?

  I tried to get into it because I went through a whole spiritual, I've been going on my spiritual journey since fucking I got sober in twenty seventeen and to now. And so I went through a phase where I like wanted to read books and I was like, this is what I'm gonna do. You know, even though I have ADD and fucking can't do it, but I can listen to audiobooks all day long.

• 1:27:20Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:27:21Bunnie XO?

  Fucking reading them, can't do it.

• 1:27:22Speaker 02

  It's a, it's a task.

• 1:27:24Bunnie XO?

  Literally, you gotta really plan out.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  Push yourself to do it.

• 1:27:26Bunnie XO?

  Push yourself and plan.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  It's weird how much you plan. It's like, people are supposed to just like be like, oh yeah, this is my like read a book time. And it's like, it feels like serious work.

• 1:27:35Bunnie XO?

  It's like school.

• 1:27:36Speaker 02

  I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm gonna read a book a week this year and I'm like, I get like one month into it. I'm like,

• 1:27:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:42Speaker 02

  I'm gonna read a book a month.

• 1:27:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, my husband will do that and he'll read four books in a week and then he won't read for the rest of the year.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's like, I've taken all I need from it and I'm good for this year.

• 1:27:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, literally. But I did, I tried to read the forty eight laws of attraction and I fucking started reading it and I was like, is this like some fucking like weird linguistic fucking hypnotic type like program your mind type shit? And I was just like, I don't want, I don't want to consume this.

• 1:28:07Speaker 02

  And there's, there was information in it that I was able to like put towards my life.

• 1:28:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:13Speaker 02

  And then there was also stuff that made me way less human.

• 1:28:15Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  It was like, yeah, I'm successful, but I hate myself. You know what I'm saying? It's like I hustled everybody around me to get here. What the fuck?

• 1:28:26Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I know, crazy, right?

• 1:28:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:28Bunnie XO?

  I love hearing that about, um, you and Kel's relationship because, which I just recently started calling him Kel's because my husband does.

• 1:28:34Speaker 02

  Oh, thank God.

• 1:28:35Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  They actually called me when they're in the studio.

• 1:28:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:38Speaker 02

  Cause Jelly walked in and was like. Hey man, do I like, call you like, Colson now or something? And Kels is like, hold that thought. He got me on FaceTime and he's like, hey yo, what should Jelly call me? And I was like, bro, if you don't call him Kels, I'm gonna be so bummed. I was like, you know him, right? I hate the Colson thing, I'll never call him that. That's like the first time it's come out of my mouth actually ever is that.

• 1:29:02Bunnie XO?

  It's so proper.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  I only call him Kels and I'm just like, hate the like, oh, I know Colson, like that thing, I'm like.

• 1:29:09Bunnie XO?

  When people say, I know Jason, I'm like, oh, you don't know him.

• 1:29:11Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:29:12Bunnie XO?

  Jason's my husband.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like, I think you're talking about Jelly.

• 1:29:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly. But um, I love that you said that about him because I got that feeling about him too. Because I'm really protective about my husband and who he brings around. And I'm always the, I'm the wife who's like, mm, keep an eye on him. And every time I say that, something fucking proves right. And then when I met Kels, um, I looked at both of them and I was like, I'm so glad you guys have this friendship. I was like, you guys both need each other because I feel like he needs a big brother.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:42Bunnie XO?

  And I feel like Jay needs a little brother.

• 1:29:44Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:29:44Bunnie XO?

  And I feel like, and we get you too.

• 1:29:46Speaker 02

  Watching them on this studio the other day.

• 1:29:48Bunnie XO?

  So now it's like, it's just, it's a sweet little family vibe.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, my, my other thing with Kels too is I'm just like, you know, um, he's had a, he, he's had a hard time truly being, so what, what I, what he says to me, I want the world to see you. How I see you, I'm, I'm like, that times 10 with him, cause I'm like, you're so fucking misunderstood if anyone got to have one conversation with him, they'd be like, sweetest guy ever, nicest person, like, love this person to death, coolest fuck, not arrogant, so humble, so everything. It's just the perfect fucking human being of like, everything and.

• 1:30:25Bunnie XO?

  He's definitely opposite of what I thought when I first, cause I've had girls on the podcast who have, who have dated him. And um, you know, they didn't, of course, they didn't have great things to say, but you get this idea of somebody once you hear it from numerous people.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:38Bunnie XO?

  So when I met him, I was like, oh, this is just a sweet boy who has a wallop, you know, like.

• 1:30:43Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:30:44Bunnie XO?

  And it was just like, oh, I get it now, you know, so it makes sense.

• 1:30:47Speaker 02

  Genuine and authentic and all the greatest qualities of a person. And I I I can't wait, you know, I think he should, I think he should do your podcast. I think he should do podcasts in general. I'm like, it takes ten clips to rewrite his narrative and and and I just can't wait for the world to to really know. And I and that's not even saying that they don't like I, he has millions of of people that love him.

• 1:31:09Bunnie XO?

  Oh, absolutely.

• 1:31:10Speaker 02

  It's it's really just being like, I can't wait for the other million that are out there that that don't understand him to understand who he really is, because he's the fucking greatest person I've ever met in my entire life.

• 1:31:20Bunnie XO?

  He's lucky to have a best friend like you.

• 1:31:22Speaker 02

  I I'm so lucky to have this best friend and the caveat on that is now we live two minutes from each other and like it'll be three AM and he just like walks in my door or vice versa and it's so great.

• 1:31:33Bunnie XO?

  It's the family you needed. You know, you got your sister and now you don't have any brothers, right?

• 1:31:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:31:37Bunnie XO?

  There you go.

• 1:31:38Speaker 02

  I have a stepbrother.

• 1:31:38Bunnie XO?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 1:31:39Speaker 02

  Yep, I have a stepbrother. He's super cool.

• 1:31:42Bunnie XO?

  So, take me on the sobriety journey because you said that you're about to hit five years, right?

• 1:31:46Speaker 02

  I'm about to hit five years.

• 1:31:48Bunnie XO?

  Congratulations.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 1:31:49Bunnie XO?

  Sobriety fucking sucks. I tell everybody that. But it's like, it's the realist, I'm and when I say sobriety sucks, I mean that in like a joking way because you really get to know yourself.

• 1:31:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:00Bunnie XO?

  And you have to fucking deal with some of the hardest shit you've ever dealt with in your life, the minute you decide to come become sober.

• 1:32:07Speaker 02

  It cha- I mean, I it changed everything about me also, uh, the time that, you know, if you you can, you can kind of backtrack to five years from now or five years ago, um, where the world of like cocaine, which was my fucking everything, you can kind of track where it got really scary and it's right around that point.

• 1:32:27Bunnie XO?

  When did you start using?

• 1:32:30Speaker 02

  Two thousand eleven.

• 1:32:34Bunnie XO?

  Okay, how old were you? I will say I was what thirty?

• 1:32:37Speaker 02

  So I was like twenty one type shit, like twenty, oh, I'm sorry, like twenty three, twenty two. So maybe it was early in the, I started, I really started doing cocaine at like twenty two years old.

• 1:32:48Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha.

• 1:32:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, and like, and and was that person, it's so funny, cocaine is such a fucked up drug because it was like, I was anti that anyone who ever like did it around me, I was like, oh, my God, what the fuck?

• 1:32:59Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:00Speaker 02

  I did one line, I was addicted from the first line.

• 1:33:02Bunnie XO?

  Cause you have that gene.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:04Bunnie XO?

  From your dad.

• 1:33:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and total alcoholic. I mean, my dad passed away from being an alcoholic, like and party animal and, you know, was literally doing cocaine with me up and, you know, when I was fucking fucked up, like for real, like.

• 1:33:18Bunnie XO?

  So dad resurfaced.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I would love to get into all that, too, if we, if we, I know we've been talking for fucking what seems like.

• 1:33:26Bunnie XO?

  It's about you, you know, if you wanna talk about it, we can talk about it. I'm not kicking you out, baby.

• 1:33:33Bunnie XO?

  This is your time.

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  Um, I was addicted from the first line of cocaine I did. I have the alcoholic gene where it's like, I can just go and go and go and go and go, like, and, uh, and being on stage and being in that lifestyle and being all that, it was always like I wanted to be the best at everything. So it became be the best drug addict, be the best alcoholic. And when you're trying to be the best drug addict and best alcoholic, it means you do more than anyone else.

• 1:34:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  You know, um, and cocaine's a funny fucking thing because when you first start doing cocaine, it's like, yo, like, you wanna do, you wanna do, like, let's do, okay, on the table right here in front of us, and it quickly turns into by yourself in the bathroom.

• 1:34:15Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:34:16Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:34:16Bunnie XO?

  Or like if you had a couple of drinks.

• 1:34:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34:19Bunnie XO?

  You just wanted.

• 1:34:20Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, but I was like a dark addict, you know what I'm saying? I was by myself doing eight balls.

• 1:34:27Bunnie XO?

  Mm.

• 1:34:27Speaker 02

  By myself.

• 1:34:28Bunnie XO?

  I did that one night.

• 1:34:29Speaker 02

  Not, not to party.

• 1:34:31Bunnie XO?

  Just to fucking.

• 1:34:32Speaker 02

  Just sitting behind a microphone, just like, alright, like, I'm making this law, you know what I'm saying? Like, like, all, all night, I mean, um, it was, it was bender after bender after bender. Like, I was a up for three days type of person and addict. And it went on for, you know, like, over a decade of my life. And to the point that there was like really scary times, really times where I was like able to hide it. Cause I was a fun, the, the whole thing is I was functioning, as a functioning addict alcoholic, right? Um, but to pass out, to finally pass out after being like tweaked out on cocaine for two days, my.

• 1:35:10Speaker 02

  Thought in my head was that I had to slam a bottle of whiskey, you know, to do it. So it was just like the cocktail that kills you, you know?

• 1:35:16Bunnie XO?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 1:35:17Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:35:18Bunnie XO?

  I used to do cocaine and Xanax. That was my shit.

• 1:35:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:20Bunnie XO?

  So I'd get so low that I'd need to come back up and then I'd have to go back down again. I don't, my heart is fucked.

• 1:35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.

• 1:35:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  Like my, my heart is fucked because it, it's just like needs stimulation so much that now I'm like, like I said, I've drank a fucking four shots of espresso today and a C4. And I'm like, but my, I don't know, I don't know. Like that's kind of like I operate in those ways and it's not great, but, but regardless of that, so like I, I have been going, going, going on this journey and uh, I basically like, one day after, funny enough, why I also have so much uh, love in my heart for Bella, who we were talking about earlier is like, that was the reason I got sober. Was the end of that relationship. That relationship ended, funny enough at Coachella. So fucking LA.

• 1:36:10Bunnie XO?

  I was about to say an LA love story.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, it's so gross. It ended at Coachella.

• 1:36:15Bunnie XO?

  It's so gross.

• 1:36:16Speaker 02

  It ended at Coachella, like literally at the festival and I had a friend who lived out in the middle of Joshua Tree and had just had like airstream trailers. And I just took all my drugs in a backpack and went to this airstream trailer in the middle of Joshua Tree and was like holed up in there for two days to the point that like my friend, um, who I was just with last night, shout out Losty, uh, he, he was like my quote unquote like assistant, like living with me at the time. Kind of a caretaker in a lot of ways. Cause I was like in my really bad phase of being an addict. He like had to drive down from LA to Joshua Tree, like throw me in the, he found me in an airstream in the middle of Joshua Tree.

• 1:36:54Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 1:36:54Speaker 02

  Like passed out with like a bag of cocaine on my fucking chest legitimately. And uh, threw me in the back of, of the car and like drove me back up to LA and from that moment on, I went on like a six day bender. That if I shut my eyes for maybe an hour. Every three days during that, like I really was like pushed it to my limits and

• 1:37:18Bunnie XO?

  You were like on a suicide mission.

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  I really did. I really did. And it was also just mixing like fucking whippets and ketamine and all the all ridiculous, like stupid, just like ridiculous. But anyways, after this like long, I wasn't at, I was staying at my house, I was staying at my friend's house after this long, like four or five days of being at my friend's house, just out of my mind, I like came back to my house and lined up this like really fat fucking caterpillar lined in cocaine, snorted it, my eyes rolled into the back of my head. And my guy who I was talking about lost, he basically like found me just fucking out, down and out, like on my bathroom floor, like came to, didn't have to go to the hospital, came to and

• 1:38:04Speaker 02

  was really like, damn, that that was it. Like I just got my second lease on life. I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done.

• 1:38:10Bunnie XO?

  I'm so happy.

• 1:38:11Speaker 02

  And I quit. And I and and to everyone out there that is at all thinking of sobriety or what can come with it, or or, you know, how to do it or whatever, like, I look at it in a way that I also made this great trade. And it's like, again, the world makes you think that it's not okay to ask for something when you're doing something that's like good for yourself, right? Oh, I asked for something. Okay, I was like, I have, I knew cocaine was gonna kill me from literally a year into doing it. I was like cocaine is going to kill me. Okay? I had these big wide dreams in my eyes of being super successful as a musician and, you know, getting the big record deal and making it and

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and all that. And

• 1:39:00Speaker 02

  I was blocking my blessing because I was bringing around a suitcase filled with shame everywhere I went. Okay?

• 1:39:08Speaker 02

  I felt shameful every time I did a lot on cocaine. Okay, so I can be working as hard as I've ever worked and going so hard and making great things and doing all this. But I am telling whatever is up here, I'm a God person ever since I got so sober. It brought me to like faith and God and all that before it was just like the universe. And you're just telling whatever you believe in that you don't deserve it. Because you feel shame about yourself. Now, if you're an addict that doesn't feel bad about fucking drinking or doing drugs or any of that. I don't think you're blocking your blessing. I don't think it's great for you, but I don't think you're blocking your blessing because you're not telling the higher power that I'm a piece of shit. I was telling the higher power, I'm a piece of shit, I don't deserve it, I don't deserve it. And so the second that I got sober, I was like, check it out.

• 1:39:52Speaker 02

  I was like, God, I was like, whatever this is that I'm talking to, like, I'm gonna show you that I'm worth it. And I'm gonna make the great trade and the great trade is I am going to change my life and stop all this shame. Put down the cocaine, put down the alcohol, put down the drugs and in return, I want you to give me my dreams. I want you to give me my fucking dreams. And I swear to you not like within a year, like every one of those dreams that I hadn't checked off of my bucket list happened just like that. And I'm just like, yeah, it can sound selfish to be like, I want something in return, but I fucking did and I fucking got it and and it helps me stay sober, knowing that like I owe a favor.

• 1:40:34Speaker 02

  I even owe a favor of being like, thank you so much, you did it and like whatever I do from here on out. Fucking extra credit, it's extra credit because I know that I asked you for a specific thing and you fucking gave it to me.

• 1:40:47Bunnie XO?

  That's amazing. That is a beautiful story. I love that even in your lowest moment, you because most people will like overdose or go through something like that and they'll be like, oh, I made it. Maybe I should do it again, or they don't learn their lesson. And in that moment, you were like, no, fuck this, I'm fed up and I'm gonna do better. And it seems to be a pattern in your life of proving that you are worth it. And I think that stems from maybe your dad not coming around as a little boy. And but that's been your drive. What has been your cross to bear has also been your saving grace. You know, and it's beautiful.

• 1:41:24Speaker 02

  You're awesome.

• 1:41:25Bunnie XO?

  No, but it's so real and I'm so proud of you. Like, I'm genuinely proud of you. And that's why I say sobriety does suck, but it's the most rewarding journey you'll ever be on.

• 1:41:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:38Bunnie XO?

  And I think a lot of people in this world need a role model like you. They need somebody who's, you know, looks like you, cool and tattoos and is in the music industry that is showing like, hey, I have fucking struggled my ass off, but I'm still fighting, I'm still here, you're not gonna keep me down. And that's, that's a role model to me. That's what people need.

• 1:41:59Speaker 02

  I love that. And I would, I would love to be, I would love to be able to do that for anyone, you know, that is, that is truly my goal. Like, in my prayers too, I'm just like, allow me to be of service. Like, allow me to be of service today to all, all the people down here, you know, and, and, and just reminding myself that, that, that service can come as far. It, it can be as huge as, as saying something that changes someone's life, it can be as small as, as holding the door for someone, you know? And just like, lead with that, keep this light around you and, you know, finding your worth and finding your purpose and all that is really important, but like, it all boils down to like, dude, how do you just like, how are you just proud of yourself?

• 1:42:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:42Speaker 02

  How are you just proud of yourself? How did you do something nice today that made you feel proud of yourself?

• 1:42:47Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's so real.

• 1:42:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:49Bunnie XO?

  Can you talk about doing drugs with your dad? Like, he came back around and like, how did that?

• 1:42:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. So like, my, um, my father, we, we had these points in our life where I would go years without talking to him, you know? Through being like, man, fuck you, you're a piece of shit, or fuck you, you hurt my sister, you know? Her relationship was even harder, like, with him in a lot of ways, you know? And, uh, and like, you know, you can fucking go outside if you need to, cause I know you can start crying if I start talking about shit.

• 1:43:18Bunnie XO?

  I, I have dad trauma too, so I'll probably cry with you guys.

• 1:43:21Speaker 02

  I'll give you a big hug, I promise.

• 1:43:23Bunnie XO?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:43:24Speaker 02

  And so like, uh, you know, he was a couch surfer, hustler, all the way until.

• 1:43:32Speaker 02

  The day he died, but basically we had gone years without talking to each other. And his girlfriend one day, cause I had moved, so he, he was living out in Long Beach. Um, I got, by the way, I got sent out in the middle of high school, senior year. My mom couldn't, couldn't handle me anymore. Cause I was just like a troubled kid. She sent me to go in the high school, live with my dad in Long Beach, which was like the funniest decision she could ever make because it was just like insanity, but.

• 1:43:56Bunnie XO?

  Free for all.

• 1:43:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. And so we would connect and then, um, I was on tour one time. This is why we had our big fallout. I was on tour one time and I ended a tour in California. This was like broke boy touring still. I was still in a band. And I came and stayed at his house and I was there and like, we got wasted together. Me and my band was there. We were having like this like party. We got wasted together. I walked out on the streetlights with him. He looked at me, both of us fucking blackout drunk. He looked at me and he's like, the doctor told me I got a month to live. And I was like, what the fuck? It's like, what the fuck? I was like, I'm not going back home. Like my band can go back home without me. This is when I literally like was like out, cause okay.

• 1:44:42Speaker 02

  It's funny. I kinda skipped over something in the band thing. I got kicked out of that one band.

• 1:44:46Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:44:47Speaker 02

  I got picked up by another band to play drums. That led me to be in this giant band called Scary Kids, Scaring Kids playing drums.

• 1:44:53Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I heard them.

• 1:44:54Speaker 02

  It all, yeah. I played drums to them and it all worked out. My first tour ever as Mod Sun was Scary Kids, Scaring Kids going, yo, will you play drums for us? And I was like, I'll only do it if I can open his mod sun.

• 1:45:07Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:45:07Speaker 02

  So my whole first.

• 1:45:09Bunnie XO?

  Come from?

• 1:45:09Speaker 02

  It stands for movement on dreams, stand under none. I looked up at the sky one night. I said, what is my name? It came into my head and I never questioned it. Came into my head, M O D S U N. What does that mean? Movement on dreams, stand under none. What does that mean? Modern sunshine. Like that, that was it. And I never questioned it once. There was never any other name. It happened in one minute.

• 1:45:28Bunnie XO?

  You're so spiritual without even really knowing it.

• 1:45:30Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:45:31Bunnie XO?

  I mean, you might know it now, but back then I don't know if you did.

• 1:45:34Speaker 02

  I like to believe it. It's hard to convince yourself sometimes that you're like connected to something, but I, I believe it.

• 1:45:38Bunnie XO?

  For sure.

• 1:45:39Speaker 02

  But my first tour as Mod Sun was literally performing to a hardcore. Post hardcore like crowd being just boot off stage. Coming out rapping over Miley Cyrus, Party in the USA.

• 1:45:53Bunnie XO?

  I would pay to see that. Somebody give me the footage.

• 1:45:55Speaker 02

  Yes, real talk. It's out there. I'll send it to you. But anyway, so I go after this tour and my dad's like, says this to me and I'm like, yo, everyone can, whatever. I got my laptop with me. I'm just gonna work on the Smotson music that I really believe in. And, uh, and he never mentioned it again after that night. And he didn't die and I didn't see him go to the hospital. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here, dude? Like, why would you tell me that? And nothing happened. And I was like, there for like fucking like four months, like, being like, what the fuck is going on?

• 1:46:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:37Speaker 02

  And I'm not gonna say what I think was going on because I truly don't know.

• 1:46:43Speaker 02

  But I didn't talk to him for like two or three years after that, you know?

• 1:46:48Bunnie XO?

  What, I mean, do you think maybe he knew he had a terminal illness and just didn't know how to tell you? Or do you think he was?

• 1:46:55Speaker 02

  I don't think it was that. I think it was something else that I would hate to say if, because if I was wrong, I would feel like an asshole.

• 1:47:00Bunnie XO?

  Okay, but it was a form of manipulation?

• 1:47:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:03Bunnie XO?

  Oh, that was terrible.

• 1:47:05Speaker 02

  Maybe I'm fucking wrong and he just was cured. I don't know.

• 1:47:08Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:09Speaker 02

  I don't know, but it fucked me up. And I went like two or three years.

• 1:47:13Bunnie XO?

  One last piece of trauma, dad. Thank you.

• 1:47:14Speaker 02

  I went like two or three years without talking to him. And then all of a sudden I was living in California. Okay, I'd moved out to California. By this time, fast forward three years, I'm living in California, I'm living up in North Hollywood and his girlfriend called my sister and was like, yo, your father's in the hospital. He's on like, not like life support, but maybe like something like that.

• 1:47:37Bunnie XO?

  Dialysis or something?

• 1:47:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. Are you talking about when he started living with me?

• 1:47:45Speaker 02

  Okay, so I guess he was in a coma.

• 1:47:48Bunnie XO?

  I love how detached you were from it.

• 1:47:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:51Bunnie XO?

  You're like, no more pain.

• 1:47:52Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, but check this out. I drive down there. Okay, drive down the hospital. My sister's still living in Minnesota at the time. She flies out. And basically his girlfriend had to show up to be like, here's your dad's bag. He can't live with me anymore. Okay, kicking him out. Which I don't fucking blame her at all. Dude was like a fucking crazy, right? So I'm like, here we go again. Let's open the door.

• 1:48:19Speaker 02

  Move up to North Hollywood with me. My dad ends up literally sleeping on my couch like. I'm talking my grown up father like sleeping on my couch and like. Being like my kid and my dad knows that when I'm talking like this, I'm not talking down because in the same sense as I'll be like. Coolest dude that ever lived, coolest fucking dude that ever lived and I would not be me without him, you know? This is not like hate train. This is just like what it was, you know?

• 1:48:43Bunnie XO?

  It's pain that you're allowed to talk about.

• 1:48:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and uh, and you know, so he starts living with me. And we're having a great time because this is like my friend, you know? This is like truly my friend. And uh, and so you know, we're living at this house in North Hollywood, which is where my like cocaine days like really got out of control. I'm talking like. The ugly cocaine where you just have like a plate out at all times.

• 1:49:06Bunnie XO?

  Been there done that.

• 1:49:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:07Bunnie XO?

  I had a candle, like a candle holder that had lines just lined up on it all the time.

• 1:49:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, we think it's so glamorous.

• 1:49:13Bunnie XO?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, it's so MySpace.

• 1:49:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, so rich. I know, I know. And um, and yeah, I mean, he just proceeds. What, what really fucked up was that the doctor was like dude can never drink again. You know, if he ever drinks again, he's gonna die.

• 1:49:27Bunnie XO?

  Did he have cirrhosis of the liver?

• 1:49:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:29Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:49:30Speaker 02

  So it's like, he ever drinks again, he's gonna die. He's in your care. And I'm like, I'm like, dad, you can't drink. You cannot drink because you're not dying on my hands. You cannot drink. He's like, didn't tell me I can't do coke. Right?

• 1:49:46Bunnie XO?

  They just don't want help, man. That's how my parents are.

• 1:49:49Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I'm like, you're not wrong. I'm like shit, like it's three AM, I'm, I'm by myself. You wanna, I guess let's blow these lines down like, yeah. You're not wrong. They didn't say that, you know?

• 1:50:00Bunnie XO?

  They just said no alcohol.

• 1:50:01Speaker 02

  And like, again, dude was so cool. I wish everyone in the world could meet him because he was so cool and charismatic and funny. Life was a joke to him. Life was literally, the purpose of life was to make people laugh. And he would make you fucking laugh. He would own every room he walked into and make every. Fuck it, he had women, like women loved this man.

• 1:50:21Bunnie XO?

  Charismatic.

• 1:50:21Speaker 02

  He he could be living out of his piece of shit car and he would be able to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman. Like, they loved him. It loved this man.

• 1:50:32Bunnie XO?

  Probably his first life here.

• 1:50:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. I, yeah, true, true, certainly.

• 1:50:37Bunnie XO?

  So he came in just fucking guns ablaze and.

• 1:50:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:39Bunnie XO?

  Life's a party.

• 1:50:40Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:50:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:40Speaker 02

  And so. I ended up moving out of that house to another house down in Laurel Canyon and I got a room for him. So I was like, all right, my dad like rolls with me, like this is my road dog, like you come on tour with me, you do this with me, like whatever. And uh. Things were going fine and then I went into his room one night and I found a bunch of plastic bottles of vodka under his bed.

• 1:51:03Bunnie XO?

  Oh, dad.

• 1:51:04Speaker 02

  And I was like, yo, I was like, you're out. I was like, you're out, bro, because I'm, you're not dying under my roof.

• 1:51:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:11Speaker 02

  Like, I'm not gonna take the responsibility that I'll live with for the rest of my life, that you fucking died under my roof, you're out. And it was so hard because again. I had to disconnect from my father again.

• 1:51:25Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:26Speaker 02

  The same cycle, all over again. You know, but I knew it was the right thing. I knew it was the right thing to do. So then. He goes off, lives with another girlfriend, you know, that was kind of his thing, he'd go find a girlfriend to live with. And uh, and.

• 1:51:45Speaker 02

  It's it's hard because, you know, we didn't die, he didn't die on the best terms with each other, you know, because like. Another two years, whatever went by and uh.

• 1:51:57Bunnie XO?

  Damn, dad was hanging on.

• 1:51:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:51:59Bunnie XO?

  For dear life.

• 1:52:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and uh. You know.

• 1:52:06Speaker 02

  I. You know, I got a call last night, I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again just because it is a big part of the story. But I got a call from him one night, we always have this deal. He was like, if I die, you get my bird. He had an African gray parrot his whole fucking life. This was his best friend. He had a love relationship with this bird for real. He was, this was his, his soulmate was his bird. And he was like, when I die, she's yours, right? And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey man, I could hear it in his way, hey man, you know, something's came up, uh, Ruby's yours. I'm like, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck's going on? So I get in my car and I start driving down to Long Beach and I'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And he finally answers, he's like, it's already done, man, don't even, just turn around, just turn around.

• 1:52:52Speaker 02

  It's already done, the deal's already done, just turn around. I'm like, dude, I'm twenty minutes away, just hold on, I don't, just hold on, just fucking hold on. Dude, I get to fucking Long Beach, I kick open the door and he's like sitting there with this like fucking wrist in the air like in a pool of blood and shit and I walk in. Slip on the pool of blood, fall into it and I fucking just start slapping him, slapping him, just like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song? What's your favorite Allman Brothers song? He like, his eyes come open, he's like whipping post, if, anyone who knows the song whipping post like, is like, I feel like dying. It was like the craziest I just say in that state. But anyways, that being said, ambulance was called, came, um, and brought him back to life, saved his life. Brought him back to life, all good, you know, shit happened.

• 1:53:36Bunnie XO?

  That is so traumatic.

• 1:53:38Speaker 02

  Very traumatic.

• 1:53:39Bunnie XO?

  Like I'm trying not to cry.

• 1:53:40Speaker 02

  Very, very traumatic, you know, and all good and he, he made it through and you know, at that moment, I was like, dad. You need to get help. Cut, when you get let out of this hospital, stitched you back up. You got these badass stitches now, alright, I know you like that, Mr. Hell's Angel, like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, they let you out, I'll put you eh, anywhere you need to go to get help. I got you, whatever you need. And he was just like, man, I was wasted. I don't even remember what happened. You know, my mom who has this horrible relationship with him calls him and is just like, you need to apologize to your son.

• 1:54:23Bunnie XO?

  Apologize?

• 1:54:24Speaker 02

  You need to apologize to your son. And he's just like, I won't do it, you know? And so boom, we we we split, we split there. That was when I was like, whatever. But that was when I went started going really off the rails because this was still drug addict taste, you know? I went really off the rails.

• 1:54:41Bunnie XO?

  That's a lot of trauma.

• 1:54:43Speaker 02

  Scaring my family, won't pick up the phone. You know, the crazy thing is like when when I got into my car after the ambulance came picked him up, I was like, you son of a bitch. I was like, you. My crazy kind of narcissistic might as well. It's like, you you were giving me a story, weren't you? You were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life. Like, weren't you like, you son of a bitch?

• 1:55:06Bunnie XO?

  I almost got from that story and I was gonna say this in a second was, I feel like your dad knew that you would save him.

• 1:55:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:14Bunnie XO?

  So I don't think he really wanted to die at that moment. I think he just.

• 1:55:17Speaker 02

  I don't think he did either.

• 1:55:18Bunnie XO?

  Knew.

• 1:55:18Speaker 02

  I don't think he did either. And also I did, I I also part of me is like, part of me is like, my dad is a dude who doesn't want to look like a faker. As soon as he found out I was on his way. That's when I think he did this.

• 1:55:33Bunnie XO?

  I am so sorry.

• 1:55:33Speaker 02

  And uh.

• 1:55:34Bunnie XO?

  That's not okay.

• 1:55:35Speaker 02

  No, it's not okay. And and and that was when that was when I really had to cut off this relationship. That was when I really had to cut it off.

• 1:55:43Bunnie XO?

  Understandably.

• 1:55:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really had to cut it off because I was like, oh, my God, this is like fucking insanity. I was like, this crazy also. And then in the same breath, I was like, you son of a bitch, you wanted me to have this goddamn story of like pivotal fucking whatever in my life. This is when everything changed. And now I'm worth it to be an artist like I you whatever tortured artist syndrome like, Van Gogh cut off his ear, that the whole goddamn thing through every artist and to think they have to be tortured to be brilliant.

• 1:56:09Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:10Speaker 02

  My dad was like that. I'm like, you gave me this. All right, I'm gonna wear it as my badge of honor now and whatever.

• 1:56:16Bunnie XO?

  I mean, he's given you a lifetime of trauma.

• 1:56:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56:19Bunnie XO?

  Wasn't, I mean, that was, that was a huge piece of it, but he's, I mean, it started when you were young, baby.

• 1:56:24Speaker 02

  Big facts, big facts. And, uh, he moved away, um, with another girl and then, uh,

• 1:56:30Bunnie XO?

  Even after he split, slit his wrist, he just moved away with another girl.

• 1:56:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, would reach out every now and then, and then the, what the, the bummer is this is like, we were supposed to meet up. Um, like, maybe this was like two years after this happened, we're supposed to meet up. He's like, hey, man, I'm coming down. I had like healed from this a little bit. I was like, yes, let's get lunch, you know, let's get lunch. I had healed from this, you know, and, and, and, and I do want to talk to you and god damn it, I miss you. You're my fucking dog, you know?

• 1:57:00Bunnie XO?

  You're my dad.

• 1:57:01Speaker 02

  Uh,

• 1:57:02Bunnie XO?

  That little, that little boy in you just wanted your daddy.

• 1:57:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, um, He was, uh, he was, he was, he made plans to come down, um, on a train and then, oh my God, I didn't zip up my fucking zipper after.

• 1:57:16Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I can't see it.

• 1:57:17Speaker 02

  Fucking, I went to the bathroom halfway, but good thing we got camera angles, but keep that in, I'm a real person. Uh, and, uh, and, um, So he was, he was, he was, he had, he was getting on a train to come down and the day before he's like, Hey, man, uh, so can you pick up me and my girlfriend from the train station? And then can you take us to this classic car lot? We're gonna look at buying this car. And I was like, Bro, what the fuck? I'm not trying to see you and your girl. You were coming down to my, you were coming down to see me. Now this is about you and your girl coming down to buy a classic car? Like what the fuck? I was like, no, I was like, no, dude, no. I was like, I was gonna see you and I was like, it was a lot for me to even say I was gonna go get lunch with you, you know?

• 1:57:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:55Speaker 02

  And I was like, no, no, it's not happening. And, um, and then shortly after that, he went into another coma and that was how he went out. But, But, caveat to all this, is that when I got to go see him in the hospital, I brought a little, one of those little like JVC speakers in my pocket and it was during COVID. So it was a one at a time thing. And like my sister went in, you know, my sister never should have done all this, but she had to take on like all of this, like the adult, you know? Cause he had no one. He had no one and my sister took just all this on, which we, I love you. I love you. Look at she is good.

• 1:58:34Bunnie XO?

  You're strong.

• 1:58:35Speaker 02

  You want my glasses? Um, and anyways, anyways, anyways, cool rock and roll part about it is that I got my chance.

• 1:58:42Bunnie XO?

  Should we all just hug right now? I feel like everybody's crying. I feel like we need hugs and shit.

• 1:58:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, come on, that's like, that's like this, yes, yes, come on, come on, come on, I did wanna give you a hug. Yeah, her sister. Yeah, yeah, come on. You guys, you guys gonna do some shit, yeah? Yeah. Um, cap, capping the cool part, here we go, okay? So like my sister goes in and sees him and like I go in and, uh, and, and get my chance to see him and I pull out this speaker and I fucking turn it on full volume and play whipping post by the Allman Brothers. And I get kicked out of the hospital.

• 1:59:22Bunnie XO?

  Oh no, very rock and roll.

• 1:59:25Speaker 02

  And I gave, I know he was, cuz, cuz when I said, I was like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song in this crazy time? I was like, man, that might be the last thing that he heard, which is like his fucking song, dude. And, uh, ah, ah, but I thought that was just the way that he wanted to go out and I was like, I'm gonna give that to you pops after all this shit like, hell yeah, you know? That's the way you'd want it, me getting kicked out of the hospital coming to see him, you know?

• 1:59:52Bunnie XO?

  Oh my god, dude, that is a lot.

• 1:59:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:59:56Bunnie XO?

  A lot to unpack, a lot to process, a lot to hear. I couldn't imagine living through that, you know? You and your sister both are so, you guys are making me cry, man. You guys are so lucky to have each other.

• 2:00:10Speaker 02

  Straight up, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.

• 2:00:14Bunnie XO?

  Lucky to have each other to just go through all this fucked up shit together and, you know? I have trauma with my family too and I have learned with my dad especially and, and my mom and before my mom died, it was kind of the same thing with, I inherited custody of her and fucking had, and she, her and I ended up not talking and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care. And the biggest lesson that my mother ever gave me in her life was in her death. And it was forgiveness, that if no, which forgiveness is on everybody's own terms and on your own time, but.

• 2:00:53Bunnie XO?

  Forgiveness is for you, it's not for them. And, you know, our parents, for some reason, that generation of human did not want to fucking fix their trauma. They were content being fucking wild hellions and you weren't gonna tell them. They were gonna live their life how they wanted to, it didn't matter who they hurt.

• 2:01:12Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:01:13Bunnie XO?

  And we are here to correct that. You're a gener- you're breaking generational curses.

• 2:01:18Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:01:19Bunnie XO?

  Every day.

• 2:01:19Speaker 02

  I've, I've, I've have been telling myself that for a long fucking time.

• 2:01:24Bunnie XO?

  You are. You're, you're doing it.

• 2:01:26Speaker 02

  I was like, my dad was so close to being the fucking coolest shit in the world and he just couldn't get past this one thing.

• 2:01:36Bunnie XO?

  He sabotaged himself.

• 2:01:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, the, the, eh, the, the tree was going like this and then, you know, from me on out, it goes like this, you know?

• 2:01:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. No, but you are, you guys are both breaking generational curses. You guys are doing everything right and you guys are

• 2:01:53Bunnie XO?

  just beautiful humans. And I want you to know that I'm so sorry that that is part of your story. It's really heartbreaking and there's not much more that I can even...

• 2:02:02Speaker 02

  No. Thank, thank you for all that. And, and it, you know, like, again, there's like that flip side to everything and like, you know, my sister, shortly after all this had happened, um, well, she had just moved out to, to LA, but, but it, it really has brought us to like this thing where we're just like, man, fuck the world, like, we got each other, you know?

• 2:02:22Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you guys against the world.

• 2:02:23Speaker 02

  And she goes on tour with me, she's, she's tour manages and...

• 2:02:26Bunnie XO?

  Well, no wonder she's banging the, who are you banging?

• 2:02:29Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, the drummer.

• 2:02:30Bunnie XO?

  The drummer. No wonder you're banging the drummer, you're always with him. I mean, that, now I get it, now I get it. It's the, it's the inevitable. You got her on tour and everything? I mean, yeah, for sure, I'd be banging the drummer too.

• 2:02:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But she's my ride or die for sure.

• 2:02:45Bunnie XO?

  Thank you guys for sharing that. That, that was really heavy.

• 2:02:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:02:49Bunnie XO?

  And, you know, I just hope that you guys are able to find peace with everything, one of these days, whenever you're ready and...

• 2:02:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, yeah. I feel like I, I'm, I feel like I have in a lot of ways, you know? Like, I've always felt like I've been able to like zoom out from the situation that I have and like, you know, obviously, just... You know, hope for my sister is not like everything I have but plus more because she was like had to raise me. You know, in a lot of ways, you know, because my mom was like a single mom, so she had to work all the fucking time, you know? All the time.

• 2:03:25Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:26Speaker 02

  All the time had my mom had to work and like greatest mom in the world and is my mom and always felt like my mom. But then when I grow up, I realized like being able to talk to my sister that I was like. Oh, no, my sister like fucking had to raise me as well, you know?

• 2:03:42Bunnie XO?

  It's crazy because I don't know if you believe in it, but soul families, like we pick our families for the lessons that we want before we come to earth. So I, this is what I believe, not everybody believes it, but I I truly one hundred percent wholeheartedly believe that we have soul families. And that can reach out to our friends, that can be, that can be like your sister, like your sister could have been your mom in another life. And that's why she's so motherly to you. Your dad could have been like a son in another life. And that's why you were kind of like his father here, you know, my mom, I know it's crazy as fuck. And it's like mind blowing, but my mother, like Tyler Henry was just on my podcast and he even, yeah, it's I, I, you guys got to see the clip on TikTok.

• 2:04:25Bunnie XO?

  It's at like two million right now, fucking it's me bawling my eyes out, but my mom came through. And she was like, I am so sorry for what I've done to you. And she, he said that she's, he's, she's showing me the mother and daughter inverted. And he, he said that you were like her mother and she was like your daughter in this, and that just confirmed everything that I've ever believed in. Because literally, I feel like we pick the lessons that we want to go through on in life before we get here. And I know it sounds crazy and it's weird, but it's like our soul.

• 2:04:55Speaker 02

  Listen, listen.

• 2:04:56Bunnie XO?

  Our soul yearns.

• 2:04:57Speaker 02

  The least crazy thing that we've talked about today to me. I'm like, yes.

• 2:05:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:05:02Bunnie XO?

  No, but I feel like our, our soul yearns for those lessons. And so your lesson, I always say you have to find the blessing and the lesson in every situation that you have, you know, so it's like in the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what has been the lesson? And then from that, that is what you have to work on in your life and what you're here for. That's your life purpose is to figure out why your life took these turns and went in the trajectory that it did. And then your dad put you through what he did because your soul yearned for that before you came here. I know it's wild, but.

• 2:05:37Speaker 02

  I mean, I think I feel like you nailed it for me, like.

• 2:05:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:40Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 2:05:40Bunnie XO?

  Ah, well, let's talk about something fun. You want to talk about.

• 2:05:45Bunnie XO?

  Let's switch real quick. You brought me a book.

• 2:05:48Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 2:05:49Bunnie XO?

  Did I Ever Wake Up? What is this? Tell me all about it.

• 2:05:52Speaker 02

  First book, so I have six books out, but that's my first book and it's the thing that really changed my life. Like that truly changed my life as far as like art, like, yeah, yeah, of course. It's like, you know, this was, this was a twenty one year old mod son who was living his life by the law of attraction and the secret. And the only time I ever heard people speak on it, especially at this time, was much older people, you know? That I was like, I want to make a version that youngins can hear those words and actually connect. Same thing with the hockey and the Hanson thing.

• 2:06:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:06:28Speaker 02

  I wanted to make that, I wanted to make my version of the secret or the law of attraction and what that meant to, from the, the lens of a younger person. So it's like very like creative writing, but motivational. It's like the Did I Ever Wake Up is like basically being like how to live your life like it's a dream. And believe that you're in a dream and believe that you're like able to, to make. Yes, to believe that. And it changed my life. I mean, that book is sold like two hundred thousand copies. It's, it's, it's the one thing that I've been able to like live my journey through is like this. Piece of in intellectual property that is my book, you know?

• 2:07:04Bunnie XO?

  And you have six books.

• 2:07:06Speaker 02

  I have six books out, yeah.

• 2:07:07Bunnie XO?

  Tell me.

• 2:07:09Speaker 02

  This is the only one that's like in, in this realm. And then I have like two poetry books out and then I have three journaled kind of. If I had one here, it'd be really easy to understand, but it's like, I go on some kind of trip and I write the first half of this.

• 2:07:26Speaker 02

  A hundred page thing or whatever, I write my story just day by day. This day did this, did this, this, this, and then the cover is on the, the same cover is on the flip side of the back. So you flip it over like that, it looks the exact same, but then you go to the pages and they're blank. So it's like two stories come to live together and it kind of like influences like the younger generation. Generation, the importance of writing and not just diary entries, but like to write and and literature and and the importance of those things that that live between the pages, all the answers are in the books, truly, and um not my books, the books, I'm saying, like, period, you know, and uh so I just like to influence like the the world to to be in touch with, especially like the importance of literature and just like telling your old

• 2:08:10Speaker 02

  your own story, not not for the simple fact of being like, the world needs to hear my story, but telling yourself your story, you know? Documenting things, living like your dad, like that, like, living like your dad, living, making art like you're dead and gone. How important would it be for your uh hundred years from now, people connected to your family to find your journal? It would be so amazing for them.

• 2:08:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:34Speaker 02

  They would love that.

• 2:08:35Bunnie XO?

  My brain is over here, you already know, my brain is like, go, cause I'm writing a book this year, actually, too, about my life, but

• 2:08:41Speaker 02

  Great, it's so important, it's so important to it, I I think those things I tell as many people possible that like also, like, check it out, dude, fucking music is is the one piece of art that I do that I feel has so little intellectual property, because my favorite song is Like a Rolling Stone, let's say, right? Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone, regarded as the greatest song of all time. That is ninety nine cents, right now, okay? A song that a kid just made is very first song that, let's just, let's just for all sakes of this argument, call it terrible, okay? It's ninety nine cents. That is fucked up to me.

• 2:09:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:18Speaker 02

  If this is a song that's regarded as the greatest song of the world, why is it the same price as the song from the kid that just made it last night in one hour, not knowing what he was doing?

• 2:09:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:28Speaker 02

  Why is that? Okay, a book, that is intellectual property. If I say that book is worth three thousand dollars, that book is worth three thousand fucking dollars, period, and it's end of discussion. And like, I don't care how much it took to make it. I don't care how many times time it took to take it. If I say that's how much it is worth, that's how much it's worth. And it's the same with my paintings. And it's the same with any of the things that I do outside of music, because music, I'm in this confine of eh, of a, of a world that's not changing and hasn't changed. And it's like, that's just a crazy thing to me, that there's a set price on greatness in that world. But a painting, you know, a fucking Basquiat painting is selling for two hundred million dollars.

• 2:10:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:11Speaker 02

  And

• 2:10:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:12Speaker 02

  I mean, you know what I'm saying?

• 2:10:14Bunnie XO?

  I've never looked at it that way. That's amazing.

• 2:10:15Speaker 02

  It's like, that, that's why I love those types of intellectual property. I think they're so important.

• 2:10:20Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:21Speaker 02

  You're not putting your worth compared comparatively like stuck in a world like you could literally tell, ah, you could say, I'm making one book and I'm selling it for a hundred thousand dollars and you'll find someone to buy that book.

• 2:10:33Bunnie XO?

  Oh, for sure. All you need to do is sell one at that price.

• 2:10:36Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:10:38Bunnie XO?

  That you made your money back.

• 2:10:39Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 2:10:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, no, that's wild. I've never thought of it that way. Your mind is brilliant. It really is. And I feel like, dude, you need your own podcast.

• 2:10:47Speaker 02

  Modcast, it's coming.

• 2:10:48Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my god, yes. Do it. I love that. I'll listen to it and I'll support it one hundred percent.

• 2:10:55Speaker 02

  Please do, please do.

• 2:10:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you need one, because this generation needs to hear what you have to say, because you are, you have so much depth. And so many people, I do a lot of interviews, so many people do not have depth. And you really need to have a microphone in front of you. That might be your calling.

• 2:11:09Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:11:10Bunnie XO?

  This podcast has been so fucking therapeutic for me. I know if you had a podcast, oh my god.

• 2:11:15Speaker 02

  I mean, I hear it with you. I hear you eh, allowing people to like find themselves when I, when I listen to your episodes. And then I also hear you stumble upon things that you're figuring about, out about yourself when you're talking to someone, and you ask the question.

• 2:11:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:11:28Speaker 02

  And you're like, oh shit.

• 2:11:29Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I love it. Like you, you, I needed you today. Like I am, I can totally admit that I needed you today. Mimi shaking her head yes, because I had, no, I needed you today. Like this was such a blessing, because I just fucking had the worst day yesterday and I was just like really questioning a lot of things. And then you just came in here and the things that you have said have just like sparked my flame again, and I needed that. So, thank you for that. Thank you for your time.

• 2:11:57Speaker 02

  That makes me so happy. Oh. Yeah, hard callback, hear me, hear me, hear me. That's, that's why she's the manager. Man. Watch this, so, so years go by and my, so I got, one of the things that changed my life that, this is awesome to mention is that after um, a year and a half of being Mod Sun and make, and releasing music as Mod Sun, my brand of like rap and, and this, I got chosen by Rolling Stone magazine to be one of fifteen people put in a contest to be the first unsigned artist put on the cover of Rolling Stone, right? And it was just like this thing that I was like,

• 2:12:37Speaker 02

  "The law of attraction is real!" Like, are you hearing me yet? Like, it's real. All my songs are about the law of attraction and I'm about, I'm in five issues of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah. This is fucking nuts! Yeah. And so, while that's going on, here comes the guitar player that kicked me out from the other band, and he was in a band that was signed and they break up, and he sends me a picture of him having my logo at mass like this, tattooed on his wrist, and he goes, "So proud of you, bro. So proud of you, bro." And I was like, "I have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much." I was like, "Come be my guitar player." You are so forgiving.

• 2:13:18Speaker 02

  "I'm going out to New York to do this competition for Rolling Stone and be on camera for a week. Come be my DJ and guitar player, bro. I have missed you so much." Boom, he's there. We go on for years together to tour the world together, and he's guitar and singing, and he's been featured on some of my songs, his name's Pat Brown, love him to death. The what I do and my life and being an artist was not made for him, so now he's um, he's a tour manager now, and he tour manages uh, Tiesto, and like, Oh nice. He's pop, he's popping, he's legit. He did his thing. Brought him back around. We fucking had an amazing run, traveled the world together, still talk to this day. The other guy that kicked me out, he was my DJ before.

• 2:14:02Speaker 02

  He became my DJ uh uh after after he kinda left around, no, no, no. It was before he was my uh first DJ before my friend Pat came around. And then he decided to go to art school and went to art school for a while. And then was like, man, this school shit's not for me. I was like, he came to my going away party to move to California. I hadn't talked to him for like two years. Came to my going away party that my sister threw me a surprise party. She invited him. He came. We hadn't talked in a while. He's like, man, I'm going through this rough relationship. I just broke up like I'm I wanna quit school. I don't know what to do. I was like, I'm moving to California tomorrow. I got an extra bedroom there. I have missed you. I was like,

• 2:14:42Speaker 02

  if you if you fuck it wanna pack your shit up, come live with me, bro. Just let's work together. You make art and shit. You can do all my covers and shoot some videos and DJ, play guitar, whatever you wanna do, you know? And brought him back around and now he's still out here. He's gone on to be a huge person, graphic designer for girls, skateboards, and now he has his own um creative uh agency and stuff. And so, you know, I'm super proud of both of them, but you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you.

• 2:15:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. He's a Pisces. He definitely held it against you.

• 2:15:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, you sure you wanna fuckin' be in this same town as me?

• 2:15:20Bunnie XO?

  I love that. And then lastly, I know I've had you forever, but we have to talk about you're gonna be dropping an album.

• 2:15:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. We're gonna be dropping an album. My first my first song from this new run of things. I have left the internet for the last six months. I haven't dropped anything in uh almost a year and I'm coming back with my song that I've been that I've worked so hard on this new music, but also just came into it so pure. Like I said, like I went back to Minnesota. I was like, I'm not gonna make music for three years. And if I want to after that, cool, I will. I came in with so much pure intention to make music. And I stumbled upon making what I like believe is like could be the song that everyone knows me for for the rest of my life, you know? And um. Cal helped write on it with me. My, my, one of my newest additions to my best friendography.

• 2:16:11Speaker 02

  He's this guy named No Love, who is, I think, one of the most talented people around. Um, it's just this tight-knit group that we have. And yes, I'm releasing a song. It's gonna be out on June 7th. So depending on when this comes out, it's either out right now or it's about to come out. And um, from there, I'm gonna just continue releasing over the summer. And then I'm gonna go on a tour. Most likely, this will be out when this gets announced too, as well, at the, uh, end of September.

• 2:16:35Bunnie XO?

  Yay, we'll be on tour too. So I get my own tour bus whenever I go on tour with Daddy. And so hopefully our paths will cross.

• 2:16:42Speaker 02

  I can't wait.

• 2:16:43Bunnie XO?

  And you guys like, we can either go to one of your shows or you come to ours, or both, or whatever. Yeah, we'll have to link schedules.

• 2:16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:16:49Bunnie XO?

  That'll be fun.

• 2:16:50Speaker 02

  And I, I'm just, I've, I've never been more fulfilled with the music I make. And, and the, the simple fact is that like, I, you know, I was drummer growing up. And I always wanted to play guitar and get good at guitar. And I've kept 12 guitars around me at all times throughout my whole life and just never clicked for me. And um, within the last six months, due to my really great friend, No Love, who's incredible guitar player, uh, it's clicked for me. It's totally clicked. And I've been writing all my songs, just me and a guitar. And whether they get like a little production on top of that, it's all very purposeful production. But a lot of it, my favorite song that I've ever wrote, that I've been trying to write since I was 13 years old, it's called Morning Breaks. It's gonna come out this summer.

• 2:17:32Speaker 02

  It's just my, my voice and a guitar, same time recorded, playing it. And it is the song I've been trying to write my entire life. And my friends that mean the world to me are like, I cried to this, you know? I cried to this song. And I'm just like, bingo. I'm, I'm fulfilled. I'm just so fulfilled musically. My expectations are, it start and end right there. Am I fulfilled? Absolutely. Good. Let it out into the world. Whatever these things do, grow up on your own and, and have a great time out there, songs. But you have fulfilled me and I'm so proud of that. And I have nothing but happiness to, to share it with the world. And that's all I wanna do is share it. Grow your own legs, go live your life.

• 2:18:17Speaker 02

  I hope you become the biggest goddamn songs that I've ever created.

• 2:18:20Bunnie XO?

  They will.

• 2:18:21Speaker 02

  But either way, you have made me so happy.

• 2:18:22Bunnie XO?

  No, say they will, they will.

• 2:18:25Speaker 02

  They will, I know. I believe they will. But I'm also like, you're a child that hasn't been born yet, so I'm not telling you, you have to be a goddamn superstar. But I expect you to be. Be a fucking superstar.

• 2:18:35Bunnie XO?

  Get the fuck up and let's get to work, baby. I love it. I'm excited to hear it. My favorite music is stripped down music like that, like acoustic, where you can just feel it. You know, like, yeah, you're gonna send it to me. I want to hear it. Give me a sneak peek, so we can listen to it on the way home.

• 2:18:49Speaker 02

  I will, I will.

• 2:18:50Bunnie XO?

  Mod, thank you for coming here today.

• 2:18:52Speaker 02

  Thank you. This is great. And I needed you, but also, also, by far, I needed you. Like, it's, I think, you know, I tell some of my close friends too, like when they're going, when they're going through something, I'm like, well, you know what, go outside and be social, go into a social setting. You might be like, man, I don't feel like being around people tonight. Go out, you'll be reminded how much people love you.

• 2:19:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:19:13Speaker 02

  And like, that is so crucial to getting through a tough time, like, remind yourself how loved you are. You know, just like, it's okay to do these little like hacks in life. It's not all this like, be present, be in the moment, make sure that you're focused on the right. It's like, no, allow other people to make you happy as well. And like, don't be so goddamn hard on yourself. Be gentle, go out. Remind yourself, it could be one person that's like, damn, I missed seeing you. And you're like,

• 2:19:44Bunnie XO?

  I needed that. Yeah. You're just like, I needed that.

• 2:19:47Speaker 02

  Thank God, I am great. You know?

• 2:19:50Bunnie XO?

  I love that. What are you guys fucking doing over here?

• 2:19:52Speaker 03

  I'm crying. He's crying so hard.

• 2:19:54Bunnie XO?

  I'm watching her, looking at her over here. Everybody's fucking crying.

• 2:19:59Speaker 02

  Y'all my new best friends, man.

• 2:20:02Bunnie XO?

  God, you guys, Mod, I love you. And I want you to come back to the podcast as many times as you want.

• 2:20:07Speaker 02

  I would love to.

• 2:20:08Bunnie XO?

  Come and fucking co-host with me one day or something, maybe.

• 2:20:11Speaker 02

  I would love to.

• 2:20:13Bunnie XO?

  That would be so fun.

• 2:20:14Speaker 02

  Real talk, I would love to.

• 2:20:15Bunnie XO?

  All right. I love you and thank you for being here.

• 2:20:17Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for having me on. This has been

• 2:20:21Speaker 02

  The Dumb Blonde.

• 2:20:24Bunnie XO?

  Why don't you tell people where they can find you, just in case they don't know where you're at?

• 2:20:26Speaker 02

  M O D S U N on everything, Mod Sun, and, you know, I would love to meet you all out there, anyone out there, but

• 2:20:35Bunnie XO?

  See you on tour.

• 2:20:35Speaker 02

  Great, great talks really happen, great connections really happen, friends are still alive and well, it's never too late to make a new friend.

• 2:20:43Bunnie XO?

  Love you so much. Thank you. Thank you guys for tuning into another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.