Brian Simpson Almost Died | Your Mom's House Ep. 852

_The End_ is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/. Presale pricing only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $24.99. SPONSORS: - Text YMH to 64000 to get a FREE pocket pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the purchase of ANY size Copper Head hose. Message and data rates may apply. - Head to https://factormeals.com/ymh50off and use code ymh50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. This week, Tom’s away, so Christina P calls in Brian Simpson, who after an appropriately timed "I'm having chest pains" drop, immediately reveals he almost died last month. What follows is a hilarious and horrifying breakdown of Brian’s heart attack on the road in Atlanta, and the odyssey of ICU insanity, sexy nurses, fried chicken in the cardiac unit, missing meds, CVS incompetence, and the always awful VA. Once they’re done unpacking death, survival, and why Americans are apparently supposed to just die quietly, Christina and Brian swerve into Justin Timberlake’s DUI arrest, Dolly Parton’s tits, looksmaxxing, TikTok freaks, adult summer camp psychos, horny grannies, gay blacks, and the fart BIG WORD lady trying to explain herself on The Breakfast Club. Grab your Life Alert and enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 852 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:41 - Opening Clip: I'm Having Chest Pain 00:03:22 - Brian Simpson Almost Died 00:11:22 - Getting To The Hospital 00:22:13 - The Wacky American Healthcare System 00:33:06 - New Lease On Life 00:37:40 - Gay Black Guy Stuff 00:40:13 - Horny Granny 00:42:20 - Justin Timberlake Arrest Footage 00:45:42 - Dolly Parton's Funbags 00:51:27 - TikToks 01:04:51 - The Fart Slur Lady Apologizes 01:10:41 - More White People Shit 01:16:46 - Closing Song - "Chest Pain" by MANOLO Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's up mummies? Thank you for joining us today. Tim is out on official show business, but I've got a pretty fucking great co-host today. Please put your hands together for Brian Simpson, everybody.

• 0:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you so much.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  I've arrived.

• 0:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, thank you for coming here.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 0:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've had quite a harrowing time.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're here.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I almost died last month.

• 0:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let's start the show.

• 0:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll do this.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  24-hour emergency medical response service. What? Just press this button and speak into the air and...

• 0:49Speaker 03

  I'm having chest pain.

• 1:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit, hold on. I've got that.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Oh, that was perfect.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Whoever put that together needs a raise.

• 1:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, before we get into it, I want to plug some dates. Believe it or not, Mommy is doing very, very, very limited runs. I'm doing Irving, Texas Punchline, April 24th and 25th. And then Denver at the Comedy Vex, Comedy Works, yes it does, Comedy and Prayer, May 14th through May 16th. And then Chicago at the Den Theater. Tickets at ChristinaP.com. Oh, also, bros, I'm doing April 10th and 11th at Mothership here in Tejas. So if you're a local, get that shit now. Brian, do you have any shit you want to plug before we go?

• 2:30Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm doing Eugene, Oregon, April 10th and 11th. Yeah, Eugene, Oregon at Olsen's Run Comedy Club. And then, uh, the port in Baltimore, Maryland, April 16th, 17th, and 18th. And then San Jose on the 23rd of California. Tickets at Brian Simpson Comedy dot.

• 2:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the San Jose Improv?

• 2:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the best. Oh, also, buy my lipstick. I'm wearing Cuts You Up, the liquid lipstick, ChristinaP.com for all your lipstick needs. Get the perfect red, the perfect four, my liquid stuff, my cheeks, everything, everything, everything. Okay. But most important.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  I'm having chest pain.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  That's never, that's etched into your mom's house lore right now.

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that one's an oldie but goodie.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Touch Me Through the Fence, that's right up there with Touch Me Through the Fence.

• 3:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what the fuck, man? You, you've had a near-death experience? Like, this happened like a month ago.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, like I had a blood clot and it clogged my artery. I had a heart attack in Atlanta. I was on the road.

• 3:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro.

• 3:35Speaker 04

  In my hotel by myself.

• 3:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, okay, walk me, I haven't asked you the details because I wanted to exploit them on the show.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 3:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd rather make money talking about it in public, and same with you.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm right there with you.

• 3:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I did see you in the green room and I'm glad you're back.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so fucking, okay, so walk me through like every minute of this.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, well, in actuality, it is something that had been happening before this. So like, like maybe five days before, I thought I just had real bad heartburn or whatever.

• 4:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Heartburn?

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, like or indigestion or something. And uh, and it just hurt real bad, but then it went away. It lasted like a minute and a half and it went away. So then I went to sleep. And then that was like a Saturday. And then it happened again on Monday. And then Tuesday, I flew to Atlanta. And then I did a podcast, I did the eighty five south podcast. And right before I walked in there to do the part, like it happened again.

• 4:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  And I was like, please, no, no, no, no. But then it was fine. And but the first sign that it was something that something was off was like, because during that whole thing, I was like slow.

• 4:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  I was like missing jokes, you know what I mean?

• 4:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your brain was foggy?

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it was just foggy, you know? And and I and I slept all day. So it was like.

• 4:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right.

• 4:55Speaker 04

  And and the same thing, I slept all day the next day and I slept all day the next day and I still was just exhausted.

• 5:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is kind of normal when you're on the road to sleep all day because you're up all night.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  And also you're you're trying to get, you know, because you, everybody has different travel habits or whatever. But I like to, I like to stay up all night and catch the early flight and then sleep on the plane or sleep when I get there. So I'm refreshed for the show, right?

• 5:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Uh, anyway, so it isn't abnormal to be tired and not be able to not know why.

• 5:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yes, exactly.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  But uh, but then I did the show and everything was fine. I did a Thursday show and everything was fine. And then I get back to my hotel and I go to lay down and boom, it happened again. And it was.

• 5:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  How fast is it? How fast is that boom? Is it like bubba, like just like a bloop? A bloop or it lasts for minutes?

• 5:42Speaker 04

  No, it was like an inner ache, like a deep ache.

• 5:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like your heart is aching.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Literally.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  And uh, and I gave it a minute because it was exactly what was what had happened like a few days before. And for me, every single time I had just eaten and went to go lay down. So I was like, I have to stop. So that's why I thought it was digestion.

• 6:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  And I started, I'm like, ah, come on, but then it didn't go away. And then it started getting worse and worse and worse. And then. I started feeling nauseous. And that's the thing is like chest pain is one thing, but chest pain with anything else is an emergency.

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean?

• 6:18Speaker 03

  I'm having chest pain.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  So perfect.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an actor. I guess the best thing that is that's that guy's job. Did you say that? Did you feel like that?

• 6:31Speaker 04

  No, that's what I did. I said that at the front desk. So, so my dumb ass, I was like, okay, I'm going to the house. Cause here, so here's the thing, I gotta give you some backstory.

• 6:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  Years before, like, I might have been during the pandemic, I went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. And I was, because I was so young, like, the, the, the, the nurse literally laughed at me. It was a male nurse. He laughed at me.

• 6:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck them.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, fuck, fuck male nurse. No, no.

• 6:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they are. They're weird as shit.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  No, he's, he laughed because he was like, you're not having a heart attack. And they took the, they took the, they took the readings and stuff and they were like, you're not having a heart attack. It's just, you're just, and they gave me something for like acid reflux or something. And he, but he was laughing.

• 7:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they did an EKG.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, they did. They did whatever test they do.

• 7:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  And he laughed. And that made me.

• 7:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What an asshole.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  That's why I didn't, that's the only reason I didn't go to the hospital when it happened, when it initially happened, right?

• 7:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's this fucking asshole that laughed at you?

• 7:19Speaker 04

  I don't know, but, but, uh, but like, anyway.

• 7:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  David.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  So this is probably the first time I've had to go to the emergency room, not poor.

• 7:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, alright.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  So I'm used to the poor person treatment. So I'm like, so I'm like, let me make sure I take my headphones. Cause I'm gonna be sitting there for hours and hours and hours. So, and then, and I, and I, I walked out of my room and I forgot my headphones.

• 7:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  I get my little satchel and I got all my essentials and all that, but I forgot my headphones and I go to go back in the room and I forgot my key.

• 7:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck dude.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  And I, so I'm like, you know what? I'm just gonna go down to the front desk, get a key. Come back up, get in my chair, but I get down.

• 7:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, hold on. What you're, you're thinking was I'm gonna go to the hospital myself?

• 8:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna drive myself to the ER right now?

• 8:03Speaker 04

  No, no, I'm not gonna drive myself, but I'm like.

• 8:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gonna get.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  However, I'm gonna get there, I'm gonna be waiting a lot.

• 8:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  You know, so.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  So I go, so I go down to the front desk to get a key, but as soon as I walk in front of these people, I just drop to the floor.

• 8:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  The pain gets so bad that I can't even.

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm like, and they're like, are you okay? I'm like, no, nigga, I'm not okay.

• 8:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you get to say that, really?

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you say no N word?

• 8:27Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. And, and, and, cause, cause at that point, you know, decorum goes out the window when you in enough pain.

• 8:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's why you could really tell how racist, like, like if I catch you in the middle of a heart attack, I know how you really feel about everybody.

• 8:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is, that is so, boy, that, that's called the social, whatever, the social self drops, like when you're in labor, when you're about to fucking die, when you see the angels coming for you.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  You know this, it's exactly like, if you're, if you're wearing like an elaborate costume.

• 8:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  And you, you in a lot of pain, you start taking pieces of it off, it's the same thing, you, you take off all the mask, I can't breathe, bitch.

• 9:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You're in struggle.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  So.

• 9:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you've, you've been in the military, like, you've already, you're a tough guy.

• 9:10Speaker 04

  I mean, I guess, I guess, but, but I, um, but, but the guy, the, the front desk guy, he calls me, it's two of them, actually. And he calls, he calls the ambulance, and the funny shit is, it was like three studios type of shit, cause he, they were telling him to tell me stuff. Which I probably should just call 911 myself, but they were telling him to tell me stuff, and, and it was like, shh, but he was also pan, like, panicking, you know?

• 9:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, oh, cause he was freaked out, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  Cause think about, cause think about this guy, think about this, this guy was like on the night shift at like a Holiday Inn Express. He, he ain't, you know what I'm saying? He ain't built for emergencies.

• 9:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I tell you something, though, and I know you know this as a military man, most people are not built for emergencies. Cause they're fucking crybaby pussies. Now, if I were there, I would have handled your shit lickety split, because us Eastern European bitches are built for trauma.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  You know what's so funny?

• 10:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 10:09Speaker 04

  I would love to, I think the funniest thing would be if the next time I have a medical emergency, you're around and you just freaked the fuck out.

• 10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  And they show footage of you freaking out and then cut to you going, I'm Eastern European bitch.

• 10:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking bitches.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  Immovable object.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Welcome to the end, everybody. It's a storytelling show, me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  Into a toddler's face.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  Wild, free sometime.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Regretful.

• 10:37Speaker 05

  Every STD.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Horrible.

• 10:38Speaker 05

  I'm gonna fuck you up.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  And amazing stories.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  We just got started.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I'm gonna stop the terrorists.

• 10:44Speaker 05

  You're in trouble, Metro.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  I'm outta here.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  It's gonna be a good night.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  It's gonna kill us all.

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Come on, I'm gonna fuck. You should be in jail. Hey, man, are you okay?

• 10:54Speaker 01

  I actually do well.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  You don't fucking talk to me, okay? I'm a disciple of the Lord. Not in this spot. How did I get here? How did this happen? That's a good question.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  You guys ready to start the show?

• 11:22Speaker 04

  No, I, um...

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, this, this crybaby pussy calls the ambulance and he's like, "Huh, lay down."

• 11:29Speaker 04

  He calls 911 and then the funny thing is they tell him to give me some aspirin.

• 11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Right? And then, and then he hands me the aspirin and goes, "Take this." And I, and I put it in my mouth and then, and then I hear him go, "Oh, he was supposed to chew it? Did you chew it?" And I'm like, "No, you didn't say to chew it." It, it, it's like that. It's like, was that a key step?

• 11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so it dissolves in your mouth. Yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Right, because it was just one of those, it was one of those weird, like, ADHD things where it's like, you know, you know, whatever you do, don't cut the blue wire, but while you're cutting it.

• 12:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  You know, and they're like, "Oh, but if you cut it, don't cut the, don't, don't put it back together." But while you're putting it back together, it was that kind of thing.

• 12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  And she, and, um, no, but then what's so dope is the guy that, the guy that, the ambulance, the guy that showed up on the ambulance, he knew exactly what the fuck he was doing.

• 12:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good.

• 12:25Speaker 04

  You know, he was like on top of shit. It made me feel so, so much better. And, but he was also training the motherfucker.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was one of them type of, it was one of them type of situations.

• 12:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  And, and the thing is, they're not allowed to tell you that you're having a heart attack.

• 12:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 12:42Speaker 04

  I think it's like a legal thing.

• 12:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they can't diagnose it.

• 12:45Speaker 04

  Exactly, like he's not a doctor, so he can't officially diagnose you, so they gotta like, they gotta, oh, he knew.

• 12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  They all fucking know.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  He had to, he had to talk around it, he put some nitroglycerin on me.

• 12:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  But he did all the right things, and then what irritated the fuck out of me, and, and this is fucked up to be, cause I don't think these hospitals are really set up. They're set up to irritate you.

• 13:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  And, and so, I get, I get to the hospital, there's probably nine, ten people all around me, right?

• 13:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so they really, they ushered you in.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You were code red, yeah, you were in. Well, that's good, you take, can I say anything? The, the secret to the ER is always get in the ambulance. Don't fucking drive yourself.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  Don't go to the.

• 13:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the ambulance is not as expensive as you think. Actually, it's your stay in the ER and any machines they hook you up to when they fix you.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, well, the thing is, I wasn't worried, I wasn't worried about the expense, right? Because, because, because the VA, so that's the thing, I told him, I told the ambulance, I wanna go to the VA hospital.

• 13:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smart, oh, good.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  Cause it's free, right? And he was like, no, you don't.

• 13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  I was, this was, this was, this was coincidence, right? I literally, I had my heart attack right up the street from like one of the top cardiac places in the country, right?

• 13:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Praise Allah, he was watching out for you.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  He was like, you do not wanna go to the VA, the VA fucking sucks.

• 13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, God is watching out for you, Brian.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  So I go to, so I get to the, to the hospital, but here's the thing. The ambulance guy, he was like, I wish I could, cause like they're not allowed to like be like, here's my card or whatever, but I wish I could contact this motherfucker, cause he literally, he got it. He was the only person that got it, I know, there's like ten, eleven people in the, he's waiting for all the people to get into the room, so he can, just so he can go, okay, he goes, everybody's here, okay, boom. And he goes, you know, we got a, it's a forty-three-year-old male, he blah blah blah, this was the situation, this was what he was presenting as, this was the readings, this was blah, all of these things. He's from this place, he's from that place, all, all the questions you might have. He said, he went to, everybody got there and said all the information, right? And then he left, and then. Five different people asked me all the same question.

• 14:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  The people that were standing there when he said all of that shit.

• 14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know dude.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  And I'm sitting there like, I'm so frustrated, but like, how many times do I gotta say this shit?

• 14:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it was like, it was very, it was like this mix of corporate and care. It was like, one or three or four people cared and everybody else was just like doing their job.

• 14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, because you have to fucking answer the same questions every time you go to a doctor. When I had breast cancer, the same fucking thing, like that you fill out the same information every time. And then you get into the room and they're gonna ask you the same fucking twenty questions again. I don't know what that redundancy is. What the, is that a HIPAA thing that they can't?

• 15:14Speaker 04

  I don't know. Also, I'm like, motherfucker, can't we, can't we connect all that shit to this barcode?

• 15:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's what I was saying!

• 15:21Speaker 04

  Why don't you walk in and scan bitch and then ask me what's missing?

• 15:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Literally what I said, I go, can I just carry around a thumb drive, whatever that is? And I hand it to you and all the shit you need is fucking there.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  Right, or I'm like, can't we just pretend like I'm out, like I'm out? What would you do if whatever was wrong with me made me unconscious?

• 15:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, some of these people would just walk in and ask your lifeless body the same question. So how old are you again? Where you from? What happened?

• 15:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  What happened? Yeah, I know.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  I'm like, it's still happening bitch, can you, can you work on what's happening instead of ask me what happened?

• 15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did they hook you up to machines at least? Like, were you getting?

• 15:56Speaker 04

  So that's the other part. So that, they did, they had to do like the emergency thing where they, they put a stent in, but they go through your groin. So it's not like a surgery surgery, but it's, it's very serious.

• 16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What they go, how do they go through your groin?

• 16:07Speaker 04

  I don't know. I, I don't, because I was kinda out of it and, and I just, the last thing I remember is the doctor being very frustrated with me because I kept moving my hands.

• 16:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, cause you're, yeah, you wanna protect your body.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  Cause I'm like, give me, like, cause it hurts so bad. And they had already given me three doses of morphine and it wasn't doing nothing. And all I remember is the doctor being like, sir, keep your hands down. And I, and I remember the last, my last thought was, bitch, why don't you tie my hands down?

• 16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  I'm clearly involuntarily or reflexively moving my hands.

• 16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Why don't you do something about it?

• 16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, I, cause, because I kept, I was like in and out of consciousness and every time I came to consciousness, she was asking me to move, keep my hands down. Like, it was something I was doing, like, I'm, like, if me moving my hands is gonna kill me, bitch, time's out.

• 16:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Restraint, yeah, I know.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  Anyway, that, that's all I was thinking. Of course, I don't know what was going on. You know, I saw that lady very briefly and I, and I also remember, I also remember one of the doctors going, Um, he was like, yeah, my name's Paul and I'm gonna be with you. Don't worry, I'm with you the whole time. And then I, and then I remember, I remember coming to him and like, where the fuck is Paul?

• 17:12Speaker 04

  He said he was, he said he was gonna be here, yeah.

• 17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where the fuck is Paul?

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, and so, um.

• 17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  So then, but then, but then after that, it was just, it was like torture, like the ICU part was just.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  It was literally, I was hooked up to these, I was hooked up to a, a blood pressure machine that like every fifteen minutes would squeeze the fuck out of my arm. Like squeak to the point where like I couldn't sleep. Every, every time I got comfortable, and if, and if I didn't relax my arms so I could get a good reading, the alarm, the alarm would go. I was hooked up, I was hooked up to fifteen machines that all alarmed unnecessarily at the slightest thing. And, and, uh, so that's what I mean, it's like, what, the, the, the up, the, the downside to it was that. If you, if you think you're, if you think you're doing something to save someone's life, you can justify any behavior.

• 17:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  And I, I had to, I had to negotiate the bitch to turn the machine down to every half hour instead of every fifteen minutes.

• 18:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, I know, they're constantly, well, the ICU, they're monitoring you to make sure you don't just die on the spot. But what I find ironic, cause I had to spend four days there when they did my breast reconstruction, is that they're putting you, like, you're the most vulnerable you are. And guess what? That one fucking nurse that's dealing with you is also dealing with the most sick motherfucker next door, some contagious shit. So, but, and this guy is dying too of some other disease. So like, they put the most vulnerable people next to the other sick people that have shit that if you get that, you're dying. Like, I remember when Tom was in the hospital, when he broke his arms and legs, they put him next to the COVID unit. At Cedars, I'm like, oh, cool. So I get to walk through COVID to see my fucking husband.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  Next to me had COVID, yeah.

• 18:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's the, you're the most vulnerable one there, and you get that.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  Pretty sure one of my nurses had COVID.

• 18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 18:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's not their fault, the system is stupid, but she comes in and she sanitizes her hands, so we know we're good, right?

• 19:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, or something. No, no, I remember one of the, one of the nurses, um, he fucked up, he fucked up, like trying to get something out of my IV.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  And it came out a little, and he, and it's, and, and he, he's not a phlebotomist, but he tried to fix it and like.

• 19:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such a big word, phlebotomist.

• 19:23Speaker 04

  Those are just people that take your blood.

• 19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that you knew that, like, nobody knows that.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Nobody knows what a phlebotomist is?

• 19:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you guys know what that is?

• 19:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't say, I told you they're, everybody's fucking stupid.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  I mean, if you know what a Filipino is, you know what a phlebotomist is. Cause they're, they're pretty much synonymous.

• 19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, that's so true. I never put that together.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, so that, so this is what happened. This dude fucked my, and it got to the point where he went over to the sink and grabbed a paper towel.

• 19:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  And I, and I got the wherewithal to be like, that's not sanitary.

• 19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not as fuck, no.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  I was like, excuse me, can you go get somebody, please? And, and this Filipino lady who I never saw before or since, came in, you know, like it was clock, like fix the whole situation, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and, and popped out.

• 20:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the thing, you get a good one, a good nurse is worth gold. You find that one bitch that's been on that unit for like 20 years and she's like, I got you, you're fine, let me help you. That one is worth gold. And then the fucking one retard.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Here's what really sucks, here's what really sucks is all these nurses was fine. All of them was hot.

• 20:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Nines and dimes.

• 20:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 20:24Speaker 04

  And I'm at, I'm at my most vulnerable, my feet crusty, my dick in a bag. And, and, and just the hottest woman you ever seen is walking in being like, alright, let me, let's see what your balls, okay, let me check your pulse. And it was just, it just felt extra vulnerable.

• 20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Man. And here's what's so crazy, the food they were giving me in the cardiac unit didn't seem very heart friendly.

• 20:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  I had fried chicken one day.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  As the meal.

• 20:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was gonna say that.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  I'm like, not even baked or rotisserie?

• 20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  In the heart unit?

• 20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know, bro. When I was in Texas here for my, all the hospital stays, they're like, do you wanna order, I ordered a fucking, yeah, enchilada with cheese on the whole plate.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  This is, this is heart healthy brisket.

• 21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  But not only that, you can't get up to take a shit. So you're gonna pack me full of these calories. How am I gonna shit? I'm on opioids for days.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  I had the hardest time. And here's, here's the other thing, this, this, this was a very high tech place.

• 21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  So, instead of like a bedpan or whatever, my dick was in a bag.

• 21:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's so cool.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  And when you piss in the bag, it like sucks it into the wall, right?

• 21:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  They call that the cooter, the cooter vacuum or the cooter cover. I forget what they call it.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it's like, but I had a hard time, I had a hard time pissing and laying down.

• 21:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 21:39Speaker 04

  I was just like, I can't, when can I stand up? Cause they, they don't want you to stand up cause you're on blood thinners. And you have a wound from the procedure and they don't want it to bleed. So you can't stand up. So even though I was capable of standing, it's like they don't, they won't let you. But I just, it just, it was just hard for me to go like that. And they were like, do you want, do you want the catheter? And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 22:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  The catheter is the worst.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  No, I don't want none of that shit. But I was only in there for a few days. I got out on Super Bowl Sunday.

• 22:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, so how many, oh, so you were there Thursday night, you checked in, you were out by Sunday?

• 22:11Speaker 04

  I was out by Sunday.

• 22:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they're also kinda like, they don't, they don't really tell you what to do after, I find. They're just like, have fun, later.

• 22:19Speaker 04

  No, exactly. No, this, so that's when the nightmare started.

• 22:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  So, so, so before I leave the hospital, right, the doctor goes, they find another clot forming.

• 22:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  It, it's, it's something they hope it doesn't happen, but it's normal, right? Because they just, they basically just, you know, they just put something in your, uh, artery.

• 22:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  To keep it open. So right now, you have a stent in there that just keeps the blood flowing.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it stays in there forever. Like, it blends into your walls or whatever, I don't know. But while it's healing, it's, it's a possibility of a clot forming is pretty high. So she puts me on this extra medication. And the doc, the doctor walks in my room. So this is the thing, you're not, you're not, you're almost never talking to the doctor, actual doctor that knows what they're doing. You, there's a, there's a head doctor and there's a bunch of like, I don't know if these motherfuckers are getting their hours or whatever.

• 23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  But, but the head doctor walks into my room and she's like, she's like, I'm gonna put you on this new medication, and you need, if you don't take, do you wanna, she was, she said this, but she goes, do you wanna, do you wanna shit yourself? Do you wanna wipe your own ass? Do you wanna be able to wipe your own ass? Like, she's very serious. She's like, normally I don't do this, but I come across the hospital to be, to, to you know how fucking serious this is. You have to take this medication. I was like, okay, okay, no. And she hands me the first dose of that, of that medication. She's like, you have to, you have to take this. Yeah. Okay, okay, I got you, doc, no, don't trip.

• 23:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was she Indian?

• 23:42Speaker 04

  No, she was,

• 23:45Speaker 04

  she was either African or Jamaican.

• 23:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's good too. I trust that. Cause those bitches study harder than anyone. Like a Nigerian woman, oh my god.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Which, I don't know if she was Nigerian.

• 23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But one of my doctors was an African woman, and I was like, yeah, you better fuck to study hard.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, but they got, they got zero bedside manner.

• 23:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's fine.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, you need to be, you need to stay in Africa and be a doctor over there where like, people want, people don't care if you mean to them. I would, I would rather have a nice doctor.

• 24:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 24:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they're gonna lie to you, cause I tell you, the nice doctor, they bullshit you. I've had nice doctors who don't tell you straight up, like, hey dude, you have cancer. Like, I had a nice doctor not tell me I had cancer. And I was like, bitch, I can fucking read non-verbal cues. I know you're lying to me. And I said, don't you fucking lie to me again. Don't you lie to me.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Like, I don't want a doctor to go, eh, wah.

• 24:31Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 25:56Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 26:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So delicious and so easy. Really, there's no excuse not to try factor meals. Head to factormeals.com/ymh50off and use code YMH50OFF to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor. Okay, so she's, she gives you these pills, but you know, you gotta go to a regular cardiologist now. The ERA trip is not in.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  Oh, right, right, right. So she, so, so she, she puts, she adds these pills to the sit I'm on, I was already on. And she goes, uh, she goes, um, okay, so you're gonna get released this evening. You know, and it's, it's Super Bowl Sunday. And, and because it's the weekend, the pharmacy and the hospital's closed.

• 27:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, of course.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  So they give me, um, they send my prescription to the CVS that's across the street. I get released at four forty-five or something like that. CVS closes at five o'clock.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  So.

• 27:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, it's the one place that's the most stressful is a fucking, like you just had a heart attack. It's the last place you want to stress out.

• 27:52Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Yeah, for sure. Especially when they, so I get, I get, I get over there and keep in mind, we called the CVS to, to make sure, cause they have like an automated thing and they're like, yeah, um, it's in progress or whatever, right? I'm like, perfect. So I get over there and they don't have my fucking meds. And I, and I'm like, and, and so the, the guy goes, yeah, we don't, we don't, um, we don't take your insurance. And I, and I go, well, I don't have insurance. I'm, I'm self paying. You know, I didn't put down an insurance. So basically what happened is this guy assumed that because I didn't have insurance, that I couldn't afford the meds. So he just didn't make them.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  And I was like, sir, do you have them or not? And then he started telling me how much the most expensive ones cost. He was like, this one, this one's $500.

• 28:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  This one's $700. I was like, I was like, yes, sir. Yeah, I don't, I, I still need them.

• 28:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm gonna die if I don't take it.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  And he goes, come back tomorrow. It was like that, it was like, well, now keep in mind, you're a pharmacist, so you know what that med is for, and you know I can't fucking come back tomorrow. You know, I need it right now.

• 28:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  But also, keep in mind, I'm fly, I'm trying to fly, I gotta fly back to Texas.

• 28:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, dude.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  So, lucky for me, someone, someone bent the rules, someone at the hospital bent the rules, threw me a little dose.

• 29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  Right? And I wanna tell their story, but I don't wanna get them in trouble, so... I make it back to Texas, and the whole next day, it's just me trying to get this prescription down through the, through the VA, which is a fucking pain in the ass. The VA, like, it's, I always say the VA is a vagina with teeth. It's like, all the good stuff's in there somewhere, but you really gotta navigate. You know, it's like Indiana Jones, you gotta like, pick up the, you gotta pick up the bag and put down another, you know, it's, so... It's a whole pain in the ass trying to get it through the government, so I'm like, fuck it. I use the CVS automated thing, I move the prescription from Georgia to the Texas, to the CVS up the street from me. I go up there to go get it, I stand in line all this time. They hook it all up, they, they give me all the discounts and stuff like that.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  I get all the meds, it's like two hundred dollars for all the meds. I'm like, yeah, give me that, get that. I get back, and I have the little list of things I'm supposed to be taking, I'm going through the list, I'm missing two of the meds.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, now you gotta go back.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  Right, so I go back to the CVS, and I'm like, and, and this is funny too, cause they, they're, I get there right as they're going to lunch. So they close, they close the pharmacy, so I'm just sitting in there for an hour, ruminating, and keep in mind, I still have not taken this meds that... And, and all, all I'm hearing in my head is the doctor going, "Do you wanna wipe your own ass?"

• 30:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, the panic is inside, you're gonna give yourself another heart attack, just getting the meds.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  So, finally, so they come back from lunch, and I, and I tell the lady, I, I bring the list, cause when I first went, I didn't have the list. I bring the list of meds, I'm like, I'm missing these two right here. And she goes, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah," comes back, comes to the front, and, and keep in mind, there's like nine people working at this pharmacy for some reason. They also have a drive-through, so maybe it's a whole thing.

• 30:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  The drive, forget the drive-through at CVS, garbage, yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  So, so, but then she goes, well, she tries to apply the discount to these, and it doesn't apply, and these are the most expensive drugs, and she goes, well, you know... She tells me how much they cost, again. She goes, "Well, you know, together, these are like, twelve hundred dollars." I'm like, it's like, okay. And she's like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah. And and and she goes, okay, and she she puts it in the system and it goes back to somewhere because like she's not a pharmacist, right? So it goes back to the pharmacist. Now the head pharmacist walks up to me, like the guy that come consults with you and he goes, he goes, you know, these are twelve hundred dollars. And I'm like, yeah, I do. I do. I do, doc. I do. And it and so it goes back to the back where whoever's actually separating the pills. And they go twelve hundred dollars. I hear from the back, twelve hundred dollars. And it's it's like proliferating through the pharmacy.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Well, guys, I don't want to spend twelve hundred, but I also don't want to have another heart attack and I got twelve hundred.

• 31:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do it. Just get it out of your way. Yeah.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Like, like, it's almost like they they were talking like they were used to people coming up and being like, what? Twelve hundred dollars? Just kill me.

• 31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's how, uh, for sure. And that is how some people talk. I've heard stories of women who they're like, well, you've got uh, cancer in in this breast. Do you want to remove one or both of them? And in my mind, I'm like, take them all. Take my neighbor's tits. Take everybody's fucking tits. I don't want this again. But there's people that go, well, it is a little expensive. Yeah, like, what the fuck are you insane? You don't have a choice. Do it.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, you really don't have a choice. Because also, here's the thing, even if I gotta go into like crippling debt.

• 32:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gonna fucking, yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  I'm just not gonna pay it.

• 32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  I'm just not gonna pay it. Like, you you think I you think I haven't been poor before and in debt before? I'll just, yeah, you just gotta do whatever you whatever whatever those people have to do. It just mean you gonna have to have roommates, nigga, or co-signers or whatever, but you won't have cancer. That's the point.

• 32:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because my um, criminal Indian stepdad, he became a millionaire and he filed bankruptcy three times in America. Because you can, you can just start over again. And like, people are so afraid of the shame of bankruptcy. It's like, no, you can just do that again.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, for real.

• 32:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're alive.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  I would change my last name to bankruptcy if it meant I don't have cancer.

• 32:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No shit, dude. No, you cannot be poor in America when you get sick. You cannot.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Bro, it's the, it's the worst. It's, cause, cause here's, no, but here's, here's the other thing.

• 32:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so fucked up.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  Even if you got money, it ain't sweet.

• 33:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  If you ain't got no money, it's, it's, it's a, it's a real struggle. They, it's really like, just die. Just die.

• 33:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just die. Well, I mean.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  Um, but, I thought, but, but, but you know, it's all, it's all working out fine. And, and, and the truth is, I feel better than ever. Like my mind is more clear than it's been in a long time.

• 33:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Cause like, I think, I mean, look, I haven't really talked about this openly, but since I had cancer, like, I have had a complete reawakening, like a complete reset spiritually. I fucking like, I don't know, dude, when you, oh God, I'm gonna cry.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  Is that why you're wearing a sticker on your nose?

• 33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, this is a new thing I meant to.

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is from a surfing accident. I, I went surfing and the board hit me.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  You went surfing like recently?

• 33:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, last week. I was surfing in Florida and I got a fucking, the board hit me. But that's why I'm saying now, so now I'm 50 and I'm surfing, cause I don't give a fuck, cause life is short. And not only that, it forces you to look at your shadow, your dark self, the self inside of you that you're so afraid of looking at because it's so fucking painful that it will kill you if you do. And you will. When, if you really go deep down this rabbit hole, Brian Simpson, which I really hope you do, it's very rewarding, but it's very fucked up. And I know you and I have a lot of fucking trauma.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Uh, you know, honestly, the, the, the epiphany I had was that I realized that I wasn't, I'm not actually afraid to die.

• 34:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, me neither anymore.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  What I, what I, what scared me the most was just, was living.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Fucked up, like, like, like, I want, all I really, whatever, what I really wanted was for the pain to go away. You know, and I was like, oh, like, but you're, but then it occurred to me where it's like, oh, you, because I said this to you in a dream, I was like, the question I was faced with was, you know, because up to that point, I was doing a lot of like chain smoking. And like, I was literally smoking almost two packs a day and just sedentary lifestyle and just all these things. And what I really had to come to terms with was like, why don't you love yourself enough to not do this?

• 35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what I'm, this is the shadow work. This is what I'm talking about.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, where it's like, where it's like, you, you want, like, you're, you're laying here dying and you're not afraid to go. Like, you've come to terms with that, and that, that, that might be what's happening. But if you, if you come back, what, are you gonna keep on?

• 35:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Right?

• 35:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you gonna do differently asshole? Not you asshole, me asshole. Like, when I came back from, from surgeries and everything, like, my last surgery was just in August, right? Like, I finally have tits again, I, I'm, I've got this new lease on life.

• 35:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I was like, what am I, what are you gonna do, Pajitski? Are you gonna go back to the same existence?

• 35:43Speaker 04

  So, wait a minute, are you saying, so, the ca-

• 35:46Speaker 04

  So, the cancer-free didn't feel like the end of it? You didn't feel like it was-

• 35:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, because-

• 35:50Speaker 04

  Until you had the titties back?

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because they mutilate your body. So, in order for me to get rid of this thing, I had to have multiple surgeries. They, they give you double mastectomy of radiation, you go through all this, the treatment breaks you down. And then that's done, and then now it's the rebuilding of your body, which has been, I mean, yeah. And, and now is the other part of like, who am I now? I'm a Frankenstein, I'm a, and as a woman, it's tough too, because you're like,

• 36:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  what am I if I'm not my breasts that I've fed my babies with? And who am I? And, and, you know?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Good thing it wasn't like clit cancer.

• 36:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tell you what, when I was in radiation, the scariest thing was asshole cancer. There are people that have fucking asshole cancer, and you have to put your ass up on a table in the air, and they radiate your asshole. That's the worst. Anyway, you got a new lease on life. Think about why you poisoned yourself. This is a big thing, because we all do it. We all fucking do it. We all fucking do it. And what are we gonna do differently from moving forward? Who are you gonna be? If God gave you this lease on life, you got the next, what, 30, 40 years? What are you gonna do?

• 36:59Speaker 04

  No, you know, the real shame of it is because I earlier before the show, you were talking about, "Did I party yesterday?" I was like, "I don't party." And that's what really upset me, because this is what people don't understand is like, I got friends that, you know, they're my age, they're in their 40s, and they out here smoking, drinking, fucking, you know, up all night, like they in their 20s. And I just be at home, reading, gaming, smoking, and I'm like, but I'm paying the same price.

• 37:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're not even having fun.

• 37:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, you pay the same price for not having fun, as the niggas is out here having too much fun.

• 37:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, it's not fair. Okay, then I'll tell you what, Brian, you're on a new path. Are you gonna do some of this stuff? Now you've got a lease on life.

• 37:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm the guy in the middle. Oh my God! What is this?

• 37:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean, what is this? It's the stuff I'm into. Do you know that I'm into gay, uh, black porn now? Oh, this is my favorite scene.

• 38:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love it.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  I've been doing some thinking too. You're the best thing in my world.

• 38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aww.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  And I want to keep it that way.

• 38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's suck it, yeah.

• 38:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you. Oh, it's so romantic.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  Why is it so uncomfortable?

• 38:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean? What's uncomfortable?

• 38:40Speaker 04

  I think it's the bad acting.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  I don't believe, I'm not there with you. I don't believe it.

• 38:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't believe that he, they really worked things through?

• 38:48Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they look like twinsies. They've got matching nipple rings, matching earrings, matching bods. It's basically the same dude. Look how narcissistic that relationship is. It's a guy fucking himself, basically. Would you want to fuck yourself?

• 39:03Speaker 04

  Wait a minute, why do you think they fucking?

• 39:08Speaker 04

  I didn't see no fucking. I think you're projecting.

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, maybe this will change your mind.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, how much I charge? Two hundred would do anything you want. Anything?

• 39:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anything.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Y'all kiss.

• 39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that gay enough for you, Brett?

• 39:25Speaker 04

  You know what I think?

• 39:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that gay enough? Watch. Oh, that's sweet.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  Oh, buddy, that's a good way to get mono right there.

• 39:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at his little tiny T.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  You know what I've realized right now is that I don't think I should do this podcast without Tom here. This was a huge mistake. This was a huge mistake.

• 39:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think he wouldn't show you that stuff?

• 39:46Speaker 04

  I mean, I've done, I've done YMH like seven times. I've never seen no gay shit.

• 39:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, all right.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  I've never, I've never seen muscle bound black gay shit.

• 39:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or any, any, we've been playing it for Annie. He's always collecting these clips. So.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, nah, see, you haven't been here in a while. It's changed. Imagine your girl found this photo on your computer?

• 40:09Speaker 04

  She's like, Annie, what the fuck is, it's for my work.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I love it. Okay, well, okay, you, you want something hetero. I got it. I got it. Hold on.

• 40:16Speaker 06

  Tom, you deserve spanking.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Would.

• 40:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think? Smash or pass?

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Smash for sure.

• 40:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, can we bring up some more of her stuff?

• 40:28Speaker 04

  This is like, this is, this is Betty the Great, like Gandalf before he went to hell. This is Betty White before she defeated the Balrog.

• 40:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hell yeah dude, listen, this chick is so fired up. I think she has an OnlyFans too.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  Really?

• 40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's really cool. I actually really admire her. She's good looking, she's got her shit together. Did you find her?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  Is that a spoon or a spatula?

• 40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, I think it's a spatula. Have you been, would you, so you would do an old person?

• 40:56Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah.

• 40:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  There she is. Linda Hope Insta. There she is. Let's play another one for Brian.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Undo that diaper with one hand.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Look at that.

• 41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, do the leash one. Oh, do the tongue one down there.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Why is that man on a leash?

• 41:12Speaker 06

  My neck, my back.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Yes ma'am, yes ma'am, yes ma'am, yes.

• 41:18Speaker 06

  My neck, my back.

• 41:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, go down to the mouth. This one's my favorite. No, no, no, just watch, look.

• 41:27Speaker 06

  Yes, I'm on that website.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  Oh, that's not appealing.

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  She lost me.

• 41:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you mean? This doesn't turn you on?

• 41:40Speaker 04

  You lost me, Ms. Linda. Oh, God.

• 41:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That could be you, bro. Brian, she's telling you what she likes. You're her type, bro.

• 41:58Speaker 04

  Also, see, the thing is, that's not even that impressive.

• 42:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's what I was gonna say. That's half a banana.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  Right, like, that's not, you ain't breaking no world records or nothing like that.

• 42:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's not the throat goat.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  No, she put like a Burt's Bees tube in her throat. Like, that's appealing.

• 42:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Nah, she's posery. Yeah, whatever. Okay, I guess you're not gonna go there. Have you seen Justin Timberlake's arrest?

• 42:23Speaker 04

  I have not.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  I don't pay enough attention to celebrities and shit.

• 42:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It's usually, I'm not very interested, but I did, I was very taken with this. So first of all, this was taken from a body cam of his DUI, or they call him DWI, arrest, and it's so fucking humiliating.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  I'm having chest pain.

• 42:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, are you ready?

• 42:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here it is.

• 42:51Speaker 07

  I don't want to say that because I mean, would you be interested? So, for Mr. W I?

• 42:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so red.

• 42:57Speaker 07

  I appreciate that you understand that we gotta do our thing. Yeah, I appreciate you boys for doing your job. I have one martini and I follow my [bleep] friends on.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  You have more than one martini.

• 43:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's red as fuck. Okay, here's the best part, ready?

• 43:13Speaker 07

  White?

• 43:16Speaker 07

  I'm just kidding.

• 43:19Speaker 07

  I'm just kidding, man.

• 43:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  See? So, you're being held for the night and then in the morning is the arraignment? So in the morning, usually around 9:30?

• 43:28Speaker 07

  You're being held all night?

• 43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude. Or you might not be this one, you might be over at the other one and they actually have blankets for you.

• 43:33Speaker 07

  You guys are wild, man.

• 43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well?

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was very shocked, the white was very shocking.

• 43:46Speaker 07

  White?

• 43:49Speaker 07

  I'm just kidding.

• 43:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, because here's the thing, I can't, I can't decide if I, if I love him or hate him because you can tell he's doing the celebrity thing of like, oh my god, do I have to be in this? Oh, this is not so slay, gross, I can't believe, like, yeah, but you almost fucking killed people having a DWI, you drove drunk, clearly.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Okay, I'll say this, I already hated him so much.

• 44:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 44:13Speaker 04

  That I, like, now I just hate him less.

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why do you hate him so much?

• 44:16Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 44:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think because he's a cutie patootie?

• 44:19Speaker 04

  Oh, that might, that, that might be part of it, yeah, he's a cutie patootie probably, he, um, he didn't have a heart attack.

• 44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't have a heart attack, you feel like he didn't suffer enough, but he was in show business from the time he was little.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  You're right, you're right, because, because, because, because you know what it is, because I give Justin Bieber a lot of leeway, because I, he was a little kid.

• 44:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he was...

• 44:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, but, but I feel, I feel like...

• 44:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Allegedly.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  Timon like always irritated me because I feel like he didn't suffer enough for the Janet Jackson thing.

• 44:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think Jan, I think Janet got all the heat on that.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  I know.

• 44:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  He didn't, one titty ruined her career and kind of catapulted his. And then when he came back and did the Super Bowl, he ain't even throw her no cameo or nothing. You know what I mean?

• 45:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, now I hate him altogether.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  So I always felt some kind of way, and maybe he couldn't have, but I always felt some kind of way about that where it was like.

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He could have.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  You think he could have?

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do whatever the fuck you want in this life. When you're that famous, you can make shit happen.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I just, I don't know. I just, and that shit was trash. It was like, he was like, he had tried to pivot to like, man, a kind of a country man in the woods, country shit.

• 45:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, they all do country albums now.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  Everybody like to dabble in black shit, and then when they get popular, they like to go country.

• 45:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so true.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  I don't like that shit. But this irritated, this, uh, but this, this made him a little more endearing. Cause here's the thing, they, they still people. So I don't, so my hatred is, it's, it's in my spirit. Like, I ain't never met this motherfucker.

• 45:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what's so funny? I was listening to, um, reggae music in a restaurant, and it was a day.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  You were surfing?

• 45:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same trip, yeah. And, um, I was listening to, like, Sister Nancy came on, bum bum, what the bum bum?

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 46:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bum bum, you know? And you're like, wow, that's, that's like pure energy, man. Like, she's so talented. And then I heard a reggae version of Dave Brubeck's Take Five. Do you know what that is? It's a jazz song.

• 46:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, but the point of the story is, the black version was so much better. And you're like, wait a minute.

• 46:22Speaker 04

  It might have been the original.

• 46:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm saying, Brian, is that you guys do it first and you do it cooler, and then we just ruin, we ruin.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  I just imagine you having, having this epiphany and then, and then your surfboard smacking you in the fucking face.

• 46:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's exactly what happened.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's good.

• 46:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you, do you get mad that we steal all your stuff and, and suckify it?

• 46:42Speaker 04

  No, I'm just used to it.

• 46:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  I'm like, it's only, yeah, if we do something dope, it's just a countdown to like, when somebody take it.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, who was just the king of rock and roll? I'm like, okay.

• 46:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 46:55Speaker 04

  I guess.

• 46:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. Fuck her.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, except, you know, like, I look, that's why I fuck with Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton.

• 47:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fuck with Dolly.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, Dolly gave, Dolly gave a lot of shit, you know?

• 47:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  And she might be the only person where it's like. A lot of stuff just got took from her.

• 47:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she, she wrote, yes, because didn't she write songs other people covered and, and she's, but she's real country. I mean, she came from poverty, yeah. Which I think is essential. You need to come from trauma and poverty. Yes. Oh, yeah, Dolly's still kicking. I saw her at Atlanta Airport, actually, a few years ago, walking through, full makeup, full hair. I don't know. Look her up. God bless Dolly. She's the best. And she makes good cake mix, too. If you ever had her frosting, you shouldn't be eating that stuff. There she is. She's still around. She's still doing shows. She's doing casinos.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 47:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn, dude.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  I remember she was famous for her titties.

• 47:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fame, and those are big naturals. So this is back in, uh, the sixties, the seventies. Those are her real fucking tits.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 47:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Go back to early Dolly. I'm telling you, she's a country girl. She's got, she's got big milkers. She's got a breeding body. I'm telling you, we all do. Us trash people, like, when you come from a poor trash culture, you're made to breed. That's her body. Look at those tits. Those are real. Go Google, is Dolly Parton, are Dolly Parton's tits real? They were at one point, maybe the first iteration.

• 48:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course, dude. You don't have big milkers like that. Implants? What?

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 48:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  She got them in 1967? They were doing implants in 67?

• 48:34Speaker 04

  Damn, you never thought you would come to your mom's house to get misinformation?

• 48:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck!

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Here we go. You don't join, you don't join.

• 48:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm shook, bro.

• 48:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, lying to the people.

• 48:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And how, did they even, what did they put in, in your body in 1967? What would they put in there?

• 48:54Speaker 04

  They probably just put like, black children.

• 48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Black kids?

• 48:58Speaker 04

  No, um, it's probably like silicone still, or like experimental.

• 49:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so dangerous.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Augmentation was performed in 19, oh, 1895? Oh, the first, no, no, no. But what did they, what was it made of? 1895 was the first titty implants?

• 49:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wild. See, that's how important.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  It says silicone was in the forties.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but what did they use in 1895?

• 49:22Speaker 04

  Oh, using a patient's own fatty tumor.

• 49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what they used my belly fat to make my tits.

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Really?

• 49:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's called the deep flap, D I E P flap. And I highly recommend it if anybody has a double mastectomy, you want to do it. It's really a good procedure.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  So your titty, so there's no silicone in your titty?

• 49:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I did not want that.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  It took fat from your belly?

• 49:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, and thankfully there was plenty. So they made, they built some good tits.

• 49:44Speaker 07

  You know what's crazy, though? It says 1895, they did the fucking whatever, the back fat and the tumor shit. And then in the early 20th century, they've used glass balls.

• 49:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 49:54Speaker 07

  Ivory.

• 49:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, wood.

• 49:56Speaker 07

  How they go backwards.

• 49:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ground rubber, they'll just shit, they'll put anything in your body to look hot. It's really fucked up.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's what, that's why, that's what's so crazy about, you heard of this, uh, cavicular guy?

• 50:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh huh.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  Like, it's called like looks maxing, you seen these people?

• 50:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've heard of retard maxing on Instagram.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  No, no, looks maxing is like these, these dudes are now like, you know, breaking their bones in their face and like doing all these things to like look the best.

• 50:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  And, and, and it's basically just what women have been doing.

• 50:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Forever, like just, just doing all this crazy torture. Torture to their bodies so they can look the best.

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  And, and, and it's called looks maxing and they're like, they're talking about it like it's some kind of, like some kind of urgent.

• 50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Thing to stop, it's like, I think that's just what.

• 50:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what chicks have been doing. I saw this clip of, of these two podcasting girls, I don't even know who they are, and they're all like, oh my God, this is so brave. Like, I forget what celebrity, like a Kylie Jenner, she's like, oh my God, she said that she stopped getting her nails done and she's like going natro. I'm like, that is so brave. And I'm like, you know how fucking brainwashed you have to be in the matrix to be like, I gotta go put fake nails on my real nails? I gotta keep doing this horse shit, like for, for who? Guys will still fuck you, don't worry about it. They're not worried about this.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you know what? But the line is different for everybody, you know what I'm saying?

• 51:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true, but the guy that I'd be interested in is, this is not the deal breaker.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  Boil your pussy.

• 51:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boil your pussy.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  That's the new, uh, that's the new trend.

• 51:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Put rubber in your breasts, do whatever you must.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Steam your snatch.

• 51:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Steam your snatch. Um, as you know, Brian Simpson, I like to, uh, I like to highlight the marginalized communities of TikTok. Are you ready?

• 51:36Speaker 04

  That is what you're known for.

• 51:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I found some fucking straight up bangers for you.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  Please.

• 51:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't wait, bro.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  Hit me.

• 51:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you video call me one more time, dude, off another number, I'm one. And show me your weenie. I don't want to see your shit. Yeah. Put it away. You're a dummy.

• 51:55Speaker 04

  Damn, she must be being bombarded with dick pics.

• 52:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Nianna, are you bombarded with dick pics?

• 52:03Speaker 04

  No. Oh, is this you?

• 52:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, damn, she be doing the shit out of her makeup.

• 52:13Speaker 04

  She uses this shit.

• 52:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. Christina P. Cosmetics.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  Look like a completely different person.

• 52:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look like a different lady. Attract the life of your dreams. Confidence, you can have it with makeup.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  If you send me one more, like, she was, she was so upset by the dick pics, she didn't put her teeth in before she did the video.

• 52:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 52:31Speaker 04

  If I get one more, I'll get you.

• 52:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, don't you find that what you, what you push away persists?

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Her tattoo's smooth, though.

• 52:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. I like those roses.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  You know she didn't do that.

• 52:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  Like, nobody from her community did that.

• 52:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's what I thought.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  No, that's somebody, that's somebody with a steady hand. The dead joint.

• 52:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you have tattoos?

• 52:51Speaker 04

  A couple.

• 52:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. I probably shouldn't have any, but.

• 52:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Who gives a shit? You're not gonna die anyway. We're all gonna die.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 52:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get the fucking tattoos. Who cares? All right, here's this.

• 53:00Speaker 06

  Imagine spending a weekend in a mansion full of joy makers. People who practice joy instead of escaping from their lives.

• 53:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking losers!

• 53:10Speaker 06

  No small talk, no pretending you're happy. Here's how you'll live differently at the only sober adult summer camp. You'll mess up publicly and get cheered instead of judged. You'll play and laugh like no one is watching. You'll try laughter yoga, even though your ego hates it. You'll remember how to connect without a screen or drink. You'll make eye contact, hug, and listen in ways that actually give you energy. Comment Joy Maker if you want to take back the reins and ignite joy everywhere you go.

• 53:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, dude, what is wrong with white people?

• 53:51Speaker 04

  Any, any, you know the first thing I noticed about this.

• 53:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. They're all white.

• 53:56Speaker 04

  There was no black people. Yeah, I was waiting. I was like, at least, because usually there's a token somewhere in the background.

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No black people.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  No, because you, because, and I bet you black people have showed up.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  Right? And you, you walking in and go, hmm, there's a lot going on in here. You know what I mean?

• 54:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What part?

• 54:14Speaker 04

  There's a lot going on in here.

• 54:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you hate the most?

• 54:17Speaker 04

  This gives me the same vibes as you know those videos, this is another white only thing of people like.

• 54:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  They go into the woods and scream at the trees and shit.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they get their rage, their primal rage out.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  She's like, we practicing joy. We practicing joy. Don't y'all have jobs?

• 54:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, our kids?

• 54:36Speaker 04

  This is why regular people can't do this, because we got, you gotta be at work. Who the fuck got time for adult summer camp?

• 54:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck off, fuck right off.

• 54:42Speaker 04

  Adults don't get the summer off. Yeah, all of these people, your husbands are paying for this.

• 54:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't have to, who has a summer off to go to camp? Think about, think about how crazy that is.

• 54:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, people gotta work, adult summer camp.

• 54:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get fucked. Also, if you have kids, you are forced to play all the time. And it is torture. So when you're a real fucking adult and you have an adult life with children that you are forced to be joyful with, you know, you know what I like doing the most? Nothing. Sitting, staring, quiet.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  And that one grown man that was in there, shame, sir.

• 55:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  There was a man?

• 55:18Speaker 04

  Shame on you, sir. Yeah, there was an Asian man with a bald head.

• 55:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Asian?

• 55:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, run that shit back.

• 55:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He should be working.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  Go to the part where they, where they doing, where they doing jazz hands.

• 55:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, jazz hands.

• 55:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's the one that, he's the one that did the front flip when they were like, no one's.

• 55:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That, you're asking me to do that. I'm such a friggin retard. I was like, yeah, do it, guys.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  She's like, no one's judging you.

• 55:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking idiot.

• 55:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, joy makers. Fat white chicks.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  Look, there you go, right there. With that, it's two of them.

• 55:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, there's two Asians?

• 55:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's two Asian dudes right in the front.

• 55:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid, I don't know how to do.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  Actually, I can't tell if that's a dude.

• 55:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see these idiots.

• 55:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  A mansion?

• 56:02Speaker 04

  It's right, right here. See that man right there? Yeah, and then, and then keep going. They get to the point where they, where they talk about how you're not being judged. He does a little, he does a little, a little somersault. Oh, there's another dude right there, the white dude in the back.

• 56:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's par for the course.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Right, exactly.

• 56:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  White guys with long hair do these things to get laid. The Asian guy is the anomaly, because he just should have money and success to get laid.

• 56:25Speaker 04

  Whenever I meet a white dude, he's like, he like making kombucha in the house and shit. I'm like, you a [__] dude.

• 56:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  It's gonna come out, it's a matter of time.

• 56:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't trust the male feminist at all. They're scumbags, dude.

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Anybody that's like, if you like making, if you like maintaining mead recipes and shit like that, you not, you not on the up and up.

• 56:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, you're pretending to be sensitive and feminine and all this shit just to get into girls' pants. It's a racket.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  The only dudes you could trust that make mead are the dudes that also make swords, like.

• 56:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like Vikings.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, like blacksmiths.

• 57:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, yeah.

• 57:01Speaker 04

  They all in on the medieval shit.

• 57:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  But these dudes, nah, I'm not with it.

• 57:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not with it, yeah.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  These walnut acorn motherfuckers.

• 57:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, get fucked.

• 57:10Speaker 04

  No, but this Asian guy, what are you doing in there, sir? Come on, keep going, he does a somersault.

• 57:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 57:18Speaker 06

  Imagine spending a weekend in a mansion.

• 57:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a nightmare. I'd kill myself.

• 57:23Speaker 04

  Joy makers.

• 57:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joy makers.

• 57:26Speaker 06

  No doom scrolling, no small talk.

• 57:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 57:29Speaker 06

  No pretending you're happy. Here's how you'll live differently.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  Look at his ass, look at him.

• 57:34Speaker 06

  Only sober at the.

• 57:35Speaker 04

  Dude in the blue shirt. This guy, what are you doing, sir?

• 57:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no, and he's got the black socks on too. Take your socks off at least if you're gonna get on the kids' mat, you fucking idiot.

• 57:46Speaker 04

  Mm-mm.

• 57:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Oh, that's not even an Asian guy.

• 57:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just hurt his back, too.

• 57:51Speaker 06

  You'll play and laugh like no one is watching.

• 57:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'll play and laugh like you have children, because you're supposed to be an adult and have children.

• 57:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, bro, that's just.

• 57:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't get to stay the kid forever, you dummy.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  That's a room full of unwieldy bushes right there.

• 58:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure, it smells like shit, like patchouli and pussy juice and ball sweat.

• 58:09Speaker 06

  You'll try laughter yoga, even though your ego hates it.

• 58:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You even know your ego hates it.

• 58:14Speaker 06

  You'll remember how to connect with.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, that room smelled like a used Subaru.

• 58:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 58:19Speaker 06

  Hug and listen in ways that actually give you energy.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, that gave me so much anxiety. Could you imagine having to make eye contact and hug and actively listen to a fucking stranger on one of your retreats?

• 58:32Speaker 04

  I can, I can, like, the stranger's the hard part.

• 58:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 04

  I can make, I can hug people, but not if I don't mean it.

• 58:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I don't fucking know you, bro? And we're doing cartwheels together without any alcohol on a retreat. It sounds like a nightmare. Alright, fuck this. Let's go to the next thing. Anyway, I'm fit. I'm gonna be 50 this year. I'm gonna go for my facelift. What do you think?

• 58:52Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. Oh, okay, wait, is this?

• 58:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Looks great.

• 58:58Speaker 04

  Can we, do we get to see, do we get to see like two weeks later?

• 59:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's just the before.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Oh, that's before.

• 59:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's all you get. It's the before and that's just right after.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 59:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's nice and tight. It's real tight.

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god. Yeah, she's...

• 59:18Speaker 04

  Bro, see?

• 59:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  All gone. All gone. What do you think, Brian?

• 59:26Speaker 04

  This is why every time, every time I'm in a room with, with, with...

• 59:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  She looks, she about, she trying to cry.

• 59:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, of course. Could you imagine? You'd go to Russia or Turkey or wherever this is. You sign up for the facelift and you come out of surgery and you've got...

• 59:43Speaker 04

  And you look exactly the same?

• 59:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, all, all your face is just plastered on and restitched. This is a nightmare. This is not...

• 59:51Speaker 04

  This is crazy.

• 59:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got drains and everything?

• 59:54Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, this is, this is why every time, every time, whenever a doctor comes in a room and he goes, "Uh, just so you know, I got a student with me. Is okay if they watch?" I said, "Hell, no. Get them the fuck out of here." "Ain't nobody practicing them. Cause soon as I put it to sleep, you gonna let this bitch practice."

• 1:00:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 1:00:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you, one time I let my gynecologist bring in a student to watch my pap smear. Bro, and I was like, "Yeah, sure. Why not?" And this is post two babies, so my shit's just blasted already. You should've seen the look on this girl's face when she saw my fucking cooch getting opened up. She was like...

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  I always say, I always say no. I always say no. No.

• 1:00:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck you.

• 1:00:30Speaker 04

  The VA, I had an appointment with the VA pharmacist, because I gotta explain all the medicines of it. She was like, "Oh, just so you..." But it was a Zoom thing. She was like, "Just so you know, there's a student on the call. Is that okay?" "No, bitch."

• 1:00:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who can't learn?

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  And it's not even affecting me. Like, she really probably need to learn these medicines. I don't give a fuck. Let them practice on somebody else.

• 1:00:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some other poor sucker.

• 1:00:49Speaker 04

  No, get him out the room. Get him out of here.

• 1:00:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, here we go. What about this?

• 1:00:53Speaker 07

  This guy's mad because this guy has Hitler tattoos.

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  Hitler tattoos?

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 1:01:02Speaker 07

  And this guy's a Jew, it looks like, and he's really angry.

• 1:01:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah.

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:01:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look.

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  Oh, look, that Jewish dude ready to throw hands.

• 1:01:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:44Speaker 04

  Oh, I thought they were at the airport. I was like, why you don't got your shoes on, sir? They had a pool.

• 1:01:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I mean, at first I was like, alright, it's one thing to have the swastika back tattoos, but do you gotta flaunt them at the airport?

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  No, they're not at the airport, they're at the pool.

• 1:01:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  So then it's kind of a gray area, like, a guy can have swastika tattoos, can't he? I mean, what's the big...

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  And listen, I understand him being offended by the swastika tattoos, but also, sir, it's like, why do you have your shirt on at the pool? Are you... because I feel like he's gonna get in the pool with his shirt on.

• 1:02:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this guy?

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  And I feel like that's just as offensive. Yeah, you're at the pool...

• 1:02:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a fat guy move.

• 1:02:16Speaker 04

  You policing people's bodies at the pool.

• 1:02:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  It's like, yeah, I get it, like, why are you out here? I mean, how you know what he going through? He might be ready to get those removed, he too poor for the laser stuff, but you're... you have your... you are violating. You made a choice.

• 1:02:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  To throw that shirt.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point. But that's a fat guy move. They think that we can't... See, you know what I learned in my older years? Is that you're gonna be fat no matter what you wear to the beach? So you may as well wear, like, the bikini. Who cares?

• 1:02:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, and the thing is...

• 1:02:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not hiding.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  A lot of fat people from our generation, they... we depend on optical illusions.

• 1:02:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  And the thing is, that shit's... them shits only work from certain angles.

• 1:02:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying? It's... because it's like, it's like, bro, it's like, that girl's not gonna fuck you because of which way your stripes are.

• 1:03:05Speaker 04

  She's either into you or she not, you know what I'm saying? Like, so we, we have all these optical illusions where if you stand this way, if you're holding your stomach, if you move your hips, it's like, but you're still fat. And, and eventually it's gonna come out to whoever you're.

• 1:03:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you're gonna get naked with them.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:03:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You may as well lead with it.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  I don't know. It's like the whole, the ambush, that's over with. The body ambush.

• 1:03:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. Remember that one chicks were getting like Victoria's Secret bras with the padding in it? The padding.

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  Now they got shit, they got shit. I don't know what it is, even is it because of the, I don't know if it's because of the carbon fiber? But now they got shit that, they got pants for girls. You seen?

• 1:03:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that make them have butts and stuff?

• 1:03:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. Have you seen these ads with the Asian ladies and they pull up these pants? And it, and it'll be like an obese woman and she pulls up these pants and she has a completely flat stomach and an ass.

• 1:03:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that was me. That was me before my, my surgery.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  You had like shaping, shaping pants?

• 1:03:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shapewear? Yeah, it's called Spanx, dude. Like, they crush and they'll flatten you out, but you're still fat. It's just like putting you in a sausage casing. It just redistributes the fat.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  Don't that do something to your organs?

• 1:04:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course it does. It's so painful. I used to take them, I'd wear them to weddings, Spanx, under my dress. And then I'd take the Spanx off and throw them under the table by the end of the night, because I wanted to eat. I wanted to live.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  I feel like, did you ever have to get cut out of one of them things?

• 1:04:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. Yeah, of course. Every woman has, yeah. Yeah, especially in showbiz when you're filming stuff, like they put you in that sausage casing and then you put your clothes on over and you look so good. It just makes you look smoother, but it's painful. It's terrible. Everything you ever see of, of me on any TV thing or whatever, I'm wearing that sausage shit. Yeah, it's just new information.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta get on this. It's gonna make you look good.

• 1:04:46Speaker 04

  And then they, and this whole time you could have had that in your titties. You could have took that fat.

• 1:04:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:04:51Speaker 04

  You could have took six months off.

• 1:04:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would have shut up. Alright, okay, did you fucking hear? Where's the original clip of the fart lady?

• 1:05:00Speaker 07

  I can play it on my computer.

• 1:05:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you please? Oh my God. Have you seen this lady?

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  I'm so, I'd be so out of the loop.

• 1:05:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Well, that's why you're here. I'm bringing you up to date on current events.

• 1:05:09Speaker 04

  The fart lady though.

• 1:05:14Speaker 07

  Hi.

• 1:05:15Speaker 04

  Oh, I know this lady.

• 1:05:18Speaker 07

  Oh, fart. That it just said, Nick, you gotta, you gotta, can you kill that?

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck my life.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Hold on, what'd he say to her?

• 1:05:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, "N- no, we can't." "Why can't they kill the clip?" Of course they can kill the clip.

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  Cause they thought, they wanted attention?

• 1:05:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  No, I've no, I did, I did see this clip. I didn't see that part of, of her being like, "Can we cut that out?" And he's like, "No."

• 1:05:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He, whoever the editor is hates our ass.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  Nick fuck with you. No, I think they all wanted to post that shit. Cause there ain't no way I would've let that, there's no way I would've let that leave the house.

• 1:05:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  I would've, I would've, I would've left his ass in that wall we was putting up.

• 1:05:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  Because, but I saw her, she went on, I think she went on The Breakfast Club to like, explain her.

• 1:06:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, she did.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Oh, you have that?

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  I don't have a rhyme or reason of the words that I make up. Like, I say, I say nonsense stuff all the time. I mean, and again, like, even, like, I edit my shows, right? And I'll be editing my shows and I'll be like, "Just finish what the [bleep] you're saying." Cause I go off, I'm like, this and that, and I'm off the cuff. I'm not scripted.

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  So were you trying to say something else in that moment?

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Absolutely! Cause you say fart digger and fart knocker. I say all that.

• 1:06:37Speaker 04

  Did I apologize to black people?

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  I do, I did, and I do, I apologize.

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  The camera's right there.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Yes, I do. And to everyone out there, just, Charlamagne, you're aware, that is a word that I do not condone. So the people out there that do not use me as, as an example, right? That's, that's where I've been coming out against people saying, "Hey, just cause I said it, I made a mistake. I know I made a mistake. You watch that footage, even the edited bullshit." You know that I am, like, ugh. So no, don't use me as your poster child for that [bleep].

• 1:07:07Speaker 04

  And I don't want you to think that

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  And don't, yeah.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  coming on The Breakfast Club is just going to rehabilitate your image.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Absolutely not!

• 1:07:13Speaker 04

  In fact, it might increase the chances of you walking through the airport and somebody going, "That's the fart [bleep] lady."

• 1:07:23Speaker 04

  Man, she might have been better off just saying it again right now, like on the show. Double down, pivot to the right, to a right wing podcast, bitch.

• 1:07:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, go talk to someone else. I know it's so, it's so tricky, cause like, yes, you've made the mistake. Do you apologize?

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  I mean, you, you, you, listen, you apologize if it's sincere, but going on a Breakfast Club, that, that is the modern equivalent of like, of like bringing in Al Sharpton and apologizing to, or like apologizing to Oprah. Or somebody, you know what I mean? Where it's like, this isn't the, it's exactly what he explained to her. It's like, you coming on a Breakfast Club isn't like, it's not like you came to the nigga council and now they've all, now, now they've all voted that you, that you good. You know, it's like, people gonna feel how they wanna feel. You know what I mean? I feel like this was a bad move. I don't know who her PR team is. It's probably the same dude that told her he couldn't delete the footage. It was like, you know what you should do? You should go on Breakfast Club.

• 1:08:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, what's ironic is she says, I edit all my shows. So if you're editing them, how the fuck did that get, do you know what I'm saying? Like?

• 1:08:29Speaker 04

  Right. Why did you put that out?

• 1:08:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Speaker 04

  Did she exp- now, now I feel like I gotta go watch the whole interview. Does she explain why that, why did it come out?

• 1:08:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  How did it come out? I think it got leaked. Someone done like-

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  It got leaked, it got leaked by the dude that told her he couldn't delete it. Probably. That dude got to be off the, I wanna, I wanna see an interview with him.

• 1:08:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so bad. Do you think he's black? He's definitely-

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  No, he's not black. No, no.

• 1:08:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't think so?

• 1:08:51Speaker 04

  Well, let's hear, let's, can you play her clip again?

• 1:08:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause what if she says it all the time and he's like, that's it bitch, I'm releasing this clip?

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  Ugh. I mean, see, the thing is, what irritates me about, about people like this is like,

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  you said it as a reflex, bitch. That mean you be having, you have it in the chamber.

• 1:09:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what Annie-

• 1:09:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't, you can't, because this, this, this is, this has happened recently in my personal life.

• 1:09:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's unconscious.

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  Where I was in a, I was in a discord with a longtime friend of mine and his like brother-in-law or something like that was in there and he didn't know I was in there. I had just popped in to say what's up to my friends. Like, these are like my old military buddies. We, we, we game sometimes together. And it's going, and, and something hap- they're in a game, they're playing some game together and something happens and he, he just go, "Fuck nigger." And he just says it like, like as a reflex. And I'm like, "What the fuck?" It like, it's like, if you got it loaded in the chamber.

• 1:09:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  That was, that's, that's you.

• 1:09:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I tend to agree because if that's your reflex, like your unconscious reflex word, then that's on deck. You're right.

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  But you know what though?

• 1:09:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I don't know. Maybe she genuinely.

• 1:09:57Speaker 04

  Here, here's the only exception I will give, right? Cause this is also true. Sometimes your negative self-talk.

• 1:10:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:10:07Speaker 04

  It, it is, it's you repeating what your most like abusive parent would say to you.

• 1:10:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:10:13Speaker 04

  Like when you made mistakes, like when you make a mistake and you go, "You fucking dumbass."

• 1:10:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  It's like, that's what your mom or your dad or whoever was abusive, you would have said. And so if your parent, if your mama used to call you a fart nigger whenever you made a mistake.

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  And, and, and now it's just built into your psyche.

• 1:10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what?

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  That when you get frustrated, you go, "Fart nigger," that, that would, I would have let it slide if she, if that was her explanation.

• 1:10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know what, Brian? I hope that, that is the story.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  I hope that's the story.

• 1:10:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you just did it. Thank you so much for explaining.

• 1:10:42Speaker 04

  We doing, we solving problems out here at YMH guys.

• 1:10:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's some more white people shit.

• 1:10:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you imagine? This is gonna be me in 10 years.

• 1:11:02Speaker 04

  Bro, this is cra- this is a.

• 1:11:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm already there.

• 1:11:05Speaker 04

  This is just.

• 1:11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here I am.

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  This is everybody that was ever in, uh, in Edward Sharper, the Magnetic Zeros. This is what happens when they kick you out the band.

• 1:11:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think these are just people that were into like theater in high school, like you know, those dorks back then? And now they're like, no, I go to these dance circles.

• 1:11:23Speaker 04

  You know that, you know that era of music during the, during the 2000s where it was just, where it was white people going, "Hey!" Stomping and clapping.

• 1:11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, Jamiroquai.

• 1:11:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is, these are all the people that used to go, "Hey!"

• 1:11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what you're saying. This is like Paul Simon's Graceland album.

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're like, guys, come on.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  What is, what is, what is this supposed to be?

• 1:11:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Black people been stomping and clapping for years.

• 1:11:46Speaker 04

  Is, is this, is this not the, is this the joy camp still?

• 1:11:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's like another.

• 1:11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  So bad.

• 1:11:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, kill me. I can't. I don't want it. Okay, I want to leave you on something.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  Is it, this is like rhythm training.

• 1:12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It's terrible. I'm gonna leave you with something really positive. I want you to take care of yourself from now on.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:12:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I want you to start doing this.

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  Double snorting up urine through the nose. Unblocking pineal gland, psychic vision, and so on and so forth. This whole area here.

• 1:12:23Speaker 04

  Oh, sir, sir.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 1:12:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  Like two times.

• 1:12:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like two times.

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  Or three times.

• 1:12:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, three times.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  Do it once, like.

• 1:12:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  The slow snorting up, then the quick double, triple one afterwards.

• 1:12:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta do it like that.

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Like cocaine a little bit, but different.

• 1:12:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, I know.

• 1:12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, dude, that doesn't burn.

• 1:12:53Speaker 04

  See, this probably need a higher inheritance tax. This, you do this type of shit when you got a trust fund, where you don't gotta worry about stuff.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  But organic, organic.

• 1:13:02Speaker 04

  Sir.

• 1:13:02Speaker 01

  Natural urine.

• 1:13:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you don't wanna.

• 1:13:05Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  My urine, organic stuff, the organic MDMA, the organic cocaine.

• 1:13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do people get obsessed with their piss? Like, when does this, you're like, you know what, this is medicinal.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  You know what's funny is, and I, I've had friends, like when I, when I lived in Hollywood, I've had a couple of friends, you know, they get under the grips of some guru.

• 1:13:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  And it's a, it's just a matter of time before they start drinking piss.

• 1:13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Piss, I know.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  And that's when you know they gone. You lost them. At that point, they, they done signed over everything. They don't have a car, they don't have a house, they gave up their, they gave up their, their rent control department.

• 1:13:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:42Speaker 04

  So they can go drink piss in the woods.

• 1:13:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And open their pineal gland.

• 1:13:46Speaker 04

  This is when, this is right before a motherfucker start living in a tree house.

• 1:13:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. I could see myself going here.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  This dude, I guarantee you this dude is living in a tree.

• 1:13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah dude, I'll live in a tree. Like, I could go here so fucking quickly. I swear. I'm insane.

• 1:14:00Speaker 04

  Even if you had to sniff your piss to stay there?

• 1:14:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I could see myself, cause I like meditate a lot, Brian. Like, I'm telling you, I'm, I'm into the aliens.

• 1:14:07Speaker 04

  I'm Eastern European.

• 1:14:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I'm crazy. Like, I love this kinda weird shit now, and I could go there.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  No, see, I, I, I can go, I can do weird, I can do weird, I can do strange. Oh yeah, you know me, I have my PhD in, in, in dealing with white people.

• 1:14:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  I could, I can do weird, but you lose me at bodily fluids.

• 1:14:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, cause, cause I could be the guy, I could be the security guy at that joy camp.

• 1:14:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  With a clap and stomp to your heart's degree. I might even join you for a meal, if I could bring my own sauces, and stuff like that. But this, when you start do- doing fluids.

• 1:14:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:47Speaker 04

  I can't fuck with you. I cannot, no.

• 1:14:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know. I wonder if there's any black people drinking.

• 1:14:53Speaker 04

  Cause if you, if you will snort your own piss, that mean.

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  You also don't wash your hands, you know that, right? Any, cause anybody that think they piss is good enough to go back in their, in their head, they, they think they clean, they think everything about them is sanitary.

• 1:15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just blew my mind, bro, because you're right. That shit goes, it does go, it close to your brain, right? Cause you're snorting it. This is very dangerous.

• 1:15:17Speaker 04

  If, if this nigga make you a sandwich, it's piss on that sandwich.

• 1:15:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, of course!

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, like his to- his top piece of bread. It's, it's, it's piss soaked.

• 1:15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all piss. This is like when people were, um, putting alcohol in their sphincters, so that they, the body absorbs it quickly. Like, you can die so fast, shooting alcohol in your butthole. You're not supposed to do that.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, bro, you putting, you putting uric acid up your nose, bro. That's crazy.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, I just, I hope you get into this, because I do think you need to start.

• 1:15:48Speaker 04

  You hope I get into this?

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you gotta be healthy now, Brian.

• 1:15:51Speaker 04

  Just, just kill me, let me die.

• 1:15:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whatever, I guess you don't wanna live forever.

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  Let me die. And his piss is, is a, it's a little too clear, honestly? Are we, are we doing some health assessments?

• 1:16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, I think it's, he's hydrated. I, I think it's, it's okay. Listen, I'm glad you came here. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad you've decided to snort your own piss. I'm glad you're on this journey.

• 1:16:14Speaker 04

  Whatever it takes.

• 1:16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want you to die, so just keep doing what you're doing.

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  No, you guys know what I do to stay heart healthy?

• 1:16:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, buddy.

• 1:16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Christina P. Cosmetics.

• 1:16:25Speaker 04

  Christina P. Cosmetics.

• 1:16:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta do your liquid lipstick. Stays on forever. I'm wearing it right now.

• 1:16:30Speaker 04

  My Velvet Crush Blush.

• 1:16:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go, buddy.

• 1:16:34Speaker 04

  My Velvet Crush Blush is how I stay heart healthy.

• 1:16:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right, buddy. I love you. Thank you so much for being here. Come see Brian Simpson. Do stand up. Come see me do stand up. And I love you. And stay golden. Shout out to Pony Boy.

• 1:16:46Speaker 04

  Also, BS for Brian Simpson's my podcast.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I love you.

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  Love you too. Recently, when I became deathly ill, I used this remote control to contact my...

• 1:17:27Speaker 03

  I'm calling paramedics and your family, Mr. Miller.

• 1:17:37Speaker 07

  I've fallen and I can't get up.

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher.