#601 - Dusty Slay

Dusty Slay is a stand up comedian from Opelika, Alabama. Check out his new special “Wet Heat” streaming now on Netflix, and his podcast “We’re Having a Good Time”. Dusty joins Theo to talk about growing up in a semi-Laotian trailer park, selling pesticides in Charleston, and why he’s hunkering down in an orchard before AI takes over the world. Dusty Slay: https://www.instagram.com/dustyslay/?hl=en ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo and download their new web browser Comet at ⁠https://comet.perplexity.ai/⁠ Better Help: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Blue Chew: Go to http://bluechew.com to get your first month of BlueChew FREE with promo code THEO! Rocket Money: Go to http://rocketmoney.com/theo to cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Ship Station: Sign up for your free trial at https://shipstation.com/THEO ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  The award-winning American Airlines Advantage program rewards more than travel. It takes your whole life to new heights. Earn miles when you fly, as well as with thousands of your favorite brands. And then redeem those miles for flights, upgrades, and experiences worldwide. Advantage members also enjoy earlier boarding and free high-speed Wi-Fi in-flight. Join for free and start earning towards your next adventure at aa.com/spotify.

• 0:30Theo Von?

  Mmm, Bobby. We've added some merch from when Bobby wasn't helping me figure out how to talk to him or whatever. We have a Bobby collab that is loose now on theovonstore.com. You can check it out. And we sprinkled in some other new items and restocked some old classics. Again, it's theovonstore.com. And thanks so much for your support. Moe there. Today's guest is a comedian from Opalika, Alabama. He has a new special out on Netflix called Wet Heat. Wet Heat. He has his own podcast called We Are Having a Good Time. I'm very thankful to spend time today with Mr. Dusty Slay.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's the... I see the hat as a cold, wet soul hat?

• 1:37Theo Von?

  That's like, yeah.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  But what's the lightning bolt?

• 1:41Theo Von?

  I don't know. It's probably weather. I mean, they're doing all that weather seeding now.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45Theo Von?

  That cloud seeding.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:47Theo Von?

  Maybe he's involved in that shit.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Maybe he is, he could be.

• 1:49Theo Von?

  I wouldn't be surprised.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Get the record deal now.

• 1:52Theo Von?

  He looks like he definitely... He looks a little humid sometimes.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  I do know. Yeah. Yeah.

• 2:03Theo Von?

  But you look great, man.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  I appreciate it.

• 2:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, good to see you. Congrats on the new special.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Thank you. Yeah, I'm pumped. I mean, it feels good. I'm...

• 2:11Theo Von?

  Your third one? Kind of your third one?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Kind of, yeah. I got a half hour. But these are, yeah, both self-produced, wet heat and working man. So it's fun to, you know, Netflix does, is not like, hey, we're gonna give you a special. I have to film it and then sell it to them.

• 2:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  So it feels good that they're buying it.

• 2:29Theo Von?

  And you do the work, man.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:31Theo Von?

  I saw you were trending yesterday or the day before on Netflix. That had to feel good.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it felt good. I hit seven. That was, you know, last time I think I hit two.

• 2:40Theo Von?

  No way.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  But seven is still good, though. I like seven.

• 2:43Theo Von?

  Well, a lot of people are still really stuck in that missing woman off the cruise ship.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 2:49Theo Von?

  And it's hard to go up against that.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, because they put a special up against TV. So if you watch a full season of a show, then that's like, you know, each episode is a watch. You have to watch a special over and over again to get that kinda.

• 3:04Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  I think that's how it works, yeah. Like, if you're watching Seinfeld, every episode is a watch.

• 3:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  And most people watch a comedy special one time.

• 3:14Theo Von?

  Oh, if someone's watching it more than one time, they're not, yeah, they're, I think they're probably kidnapped or whatever. They're not doing that.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  They're locked in my basement.

• 3:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's a great point, dude. And they're also called my wife. That's another person, dude. Dude, you know what I was thinking yesterday? Dude, they don't have any more, there's not a lot of cross-eyed people anymore.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't see it a lot. Maybe glasses are fixing it, but yeah, you don't see it.

• 3:43Theo Von?

  Were you part of like that cross-eyed realm or whatever?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Uh, no, no, I mean, I don't think I was ever cross-eyed. I might have been in the realm.

• 3:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Cause I remember people with an eye, you know, there'd be, no, I got some land out in McMinnville. And I went into a, I, I wandered, I thought it was a thrift store. Turned out to be a museum. And the guy, the guy had a bad eye, you know, I think he had a glass eye and he, I think he was excited I was in there.

• 4:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Cause he didn't have anybody to tell stories to. And he talked to me for a long time.

• 4:15Theo Von?

  That's beautiful.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  So they are still out there. They're just in, they're hidden away.

• 4:19Theo Von?

  And that's McMinnville, Tennessee?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, McMinnville, Tennessee.

• 4:22Theo Von?

  I haven't been there. Is it a nice community?

• 4:23Speaker 02

  It is nice. I got a little land there. I got a little cabin where I'm trying to build an orchard. But McMinnville feels real tucked away. It's a good bit off the interstate.

• 4:31Theo Von?

  Wow, that's beautiful looking.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, mountain town. You got a lot of kayaking, a lot of, uh.

• 4:36Theo Von?

  Really?

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the nursery capital of the world, they say.

• 4:39Theo Von?

  Cause of what? Just birth rate or whatever?

• 4:41Speaker 02

  No, like, like, uh, trees, like plant nursery.

• 4:44Theo Von?

  Oh damn, brother. Hell yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  No, I'm from Opelika, Alabama.

• 4:48Theo Von?

  Okay, sorry, you're from Alabama.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  But I got, you know, I just, uh, during COVID, I was, uh, I don't know what was happening. I had a little money, so I bought, uh, ten acres of land.

• 4:58Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, God.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  And I was like, if we never get to go back out to stores again, I want to walk around some pasture land.

• 5:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  You know, and McMinnville, I mean, I walked into a restaurant there with a mask on and that place was packed. And I don't think they'd ever seen a mask. And I was like, well, that's what I'm talking about.

• 5:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  I ripped it off. I mean, I was like, this is, this is freedom out here.

• 5:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, you gotta yell [BLEEP] right when you pull it off, you know? Just to let people know, oh, he didn't mean the mask.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 5:28Theo Von?

  Like, he may, he may have gotten the shot, but they'll never get the, uh, homophobia out of him.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 5:36Theo Von?

  They'll never shake that.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he may end up cross-eyed again, but, uh.

• 5:41Theo Von?

  Oh dude, yeah. Cause sometimes a cross-eyed guy looks like somebody that wants to yell a racial slur, but just won't let it out. Like if he did, it would just fix his fucking sight.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, then you don't know who he's looking at when he says it.

• 5:53Theo Von?

  That's true, dude. So if he aimed at anybody.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's beautiful. Um, but yeah, you don't see it anymore. I just remember when I was a kid, you would see more of that. Didn't you think you saw more of that?

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I felt like there was like always like a, a slower class when I was in high school where you would see them come through the hallway. And you sometimes, some of them, you were like, I don't know why they're in there. And others you could clearly see why they were in there. And I feel like there would be a guy with real thick glasses and you would not know what he's looking at.

• 6:22Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh yeah. Just like he, almost like he should have worked for a submarine, but they discontinued him when they like made the technology or whatever. Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:31Theo Von?

  Like, oh, he should be the one on top of the sub, holding his breath.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:37Theo Von?

  Oh dude, totally. Bro, the first wigga they ever had in our town, they put in learning disabled, man. And I've talked about, I actually talked about that on stage, but um, and shout out Brian Purvis that had put some money on his books, actually. He's uh, he didn't do it. He might've done it, but he's in, he's in, I think he's in jail now, but they'd never seen a white kid that wanted to be black and they threw him in there.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. That's too bad. The guy just had some style and some flair about him.

• 7:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. But he would just be in the hall like doing like invisible crossovers on all the other hand. So he was just like playing like just full court offense against the rest of the.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  He probably liked that he was in there. He's like, this is easy. I, this is a dream for me.

• 7:16Theo Von?

  He probably did, man.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  So far to get to the back of the bus?

• 7:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, true dude. Yeah, man, I just, there was times I remember you see that. Like I just remember there used to be more disabilities that were normal. I felt like normalized.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, like maybe they just didn't know where to put people, right? So they were just wandering around and you know, I grew up in a trailer park. So I felt like there was a little bit of that in the trailer park, you know?

• 7:42Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  You never knew if somebody was just like, you know, real redneck, real country, or if they're just, you know, they got a speech impediment.

• 7:50Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, well dude, even the name Dusty, I mean, I remember there were names that were kind of, I want to say weather related, but off like sunny.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Like a windy.

• 8:01Theo Von?

  Yes, sunny, windy, uh, dusty, uh.

• 8:07Theo Von?

  Drizzle got in like the black kind of country group.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:10Theo Von?

  But there was other ones, it was like, uh.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Misty, did we say Misty?

• 8:14Theo Von?

  No, we didn't.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  That's, yeah.

• 8:15Theo Von?

  That was a big one.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Misty was very popular. Misty felt like, I know some Misty, so I don't want to talk trash, but it felt like, yeah, it was like they were attractive, but a little loose with it sometimes.

• 8:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Like they'd put their bra on, but wouldn't tell, like, but wouldn't snap it together in the back.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, they want, yeah, they wanted people to see it.

• 8:35Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh dude, Misty's were usually pretty cute, weren't they?

• 8:38Speaker 02

  I think so. I can't think of an unattractive Misty ever. I know a few Misty's.

• 8:45Theo Von?

  That was kind of country hot, man.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, and you get, maybe you get a little misty eyed around them.

• 8:51Theo Von?

  Hmm, maybe that's why they named them that? Yeah, I'm trying to think, uh, yeah, sunny, dusty, misty. Oh, there was one more. We had a girl. Her Stormy.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Oh, Stormy. Yeah, yeah.

• 9:05Theo Von?

  We had a girl named Stormy Bernard that used to play uh volleyball in our town and they didn't even have volleyball, but she told everybody she played it or whatever.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, she had good legs.

• 9:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. If you have good legs, it's believable that you play volleyball or softball.

• 9:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  That's believable. Girls with good legs and just a stoutness about them.

• 9:24Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Like an attractive stoutness.

• 9:26Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  You know.

• 9:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, dude, I loved I loved that about growing up like in a kind of a rural area. Cause we weren't in a trailer park. We were just kind of like in a white. Just like it wasn't super redneck bus. It was just like kind of trashy.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:41Theo Von?

  And no judgment. Shout out to everybody from um McGee Street, but it just was what it was, you know, they know it. Nobody was fucking. Nobody was pretending what was going on.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, we had a trailer park. Our trailer park was like half Asian. We had a lot of Laotian people in Opalika, so.

• 9:55Theo Von?

  Really?

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, so our bus stop was, you know, me and the Asian kids.

• 9:59Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 10:01Theo Von?

  Dude, y'all should have made a music video or something. That's beautiful.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  It did seem exotic in a way. As I got older, I felt like when I was getting off the bus with the Asian kids, it made me. It's like it felt like because you feel insecure about getting off at a trailer park, but when it's with the other Asian kids, you feel like, well, you know, we got something going on here.

• 10:18Theo Von?

  Right. It's almost like, look, I'm here supporting them. It gives you that.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got, you know, I got a vibe.

• 10:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  You know.

• 10:25Theo Von?

  God, we're doing something. You wouldn't even understand.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't get what we got going on. Yeah.

• 10:29Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, yeah. If you'd have got off the bus with a bunch of Asian people, literally, people would have thought. Uh on my street, people would have thought that bus came from outer space. Like they just didn't even. I'm sure it had to be like that by you. Like, did you have Laotian friends there?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, they were my age. Yeah, we were friends. We hung out. One guy named Enoy. We used to hang out. That was his name. Enoy, yeah.

• 10:47Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  And we used to hang out. We were we were but and there was others, you know, there was a guy named Chukyot. Uh he was a little older than me. And then there was Hook. And then they had a sister named Sherry.

• 10:57Theo Von?

  Ooh, Sherry's pretty hot.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, Sherry was hot. Sherry was hot. I had I actually found some pictures of Sherry that she gave me when she was when I was a senior. It's probably here like her junior pictures.

• 11:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  I found them in a notebook.

• 11:10Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  I was like, wow, I still got these pictures of Sherry.

• 11:12Theo Von?

  That's nice, dude.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:14Theo Von?

  God, she sounds hot, dude. I um.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Nambury. Nambury was the last name.

• 11:19Theo Von?

  Nambury?

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:20Theo Von?

  Sherry Nambury?

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Sherry Nambury, yeah.

• 11:22Theo Von?

  God, sign me up.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:24Theo Von?

  We had a girl named Treasure in our neighborhood, too, and she was hot.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  That feels oddly weather related, like pir- pirate ship. Like you're out on the waters, finding some treasure.

• 11:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, stormy, dusty, treasure. All those are kind of-

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Rain, I didn't have any rains, but that's a name.

• 11:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  That's a name.

• 11:42Theo Von?

  I know a country ass rain lady that lives here.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 11:46Theo Von?

  I know a, like, a real country lady named Rain. What, um, what was that trailer park like, man? How was the vibes over there? Was it pretty cool?

• 11:53Speaker 02

  It was awesome. I mean, I loved it. We had, it was like on a dirt road. About twenty trailers, probably. Some tucked away a little bit in the woods. And then on the front, like, on the main street was houses. So we had some brick houses, then behind those was some trailer. And then on the end, two double wides.

• 12:08Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  We had a, Enoy lived in one double wide, and then a guy, uh, he went to a different school, nicknamed Squirrel. Uh, and, uh, that was my friend. He had an above-ground pool.

• 12:19Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, so Squirrel had it going on. I mean, his parents were fighting all the time.

• 12:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  But they were, you know, he had a stepdad named Sid, and Sid was always yelling at him.

• 12:29Theo Von?

  But you could fight all you want when you're able to cool off in a damn above-ground pool.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 12:33Theo Von?

  Fucking heat things up.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, we would pull out the tarp, and we had a slip and slide going, some Dawn dish detergent, huge tarp in his backyard. I mean, that was where it's at. Squirrel had it going on.

• 12:44Theo Von?

  Oh, well, it sounds like he was doing well. In our neighborhood, they had some dudes were over there smoking and getting BJ's or whatever in an abandoned above-ground.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:54Theo Von?

  So something had happened. There'd been, I don't know what had happened, but something had happened. It could have been a gravity thing, could have been domestic dispute, somebody knifed it out or whatever. But the above-ground, the water came out of it.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:04Theo Von?

  And then over time or whatever, uh, like, men would hide from their wives over there and probably smoke a little weed or something at night or whatever, you know?

• 13:13Speaker 02

  I always heard about that kind of stuff, like, these kind of things going on. I never could get involved in that as a kid.

• 13:19Theo Von?

  Really?

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I felt like I was like, you know, I was like a good kid. I never could get involved in that, uh, BJ's in the above-ground pool situation.

• 13:29Theo Von?

  Damn, brother. And maybe that's for the best, you know?

• 13:31Speaker 02

  I think it is. It turned, you know, because the, the cool kids in the trailer park life, they go to jail. They end up in jail.

• 13:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Because they got, you know, they're, they're, they're getting into trouble and it seems cool.

• 13:46Theo Von?

  They're, they're, they're a shirt on, they're tattooing each other.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  But then they end up in jail. And you're like, oh, I'm glad I wasn't like as cool. Now, I was cool, but I was, you know, cool in the not getting in trouble way.

• 14:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, you were like a Laotian hero.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz the Laotian parents weren't letting that go down. They weren't involved in that either. I don't even know that they liked them hanging out with me, to be honest.

• 14:09Theo Von?

  Wow, just because you were like, you were close enough adjacent to the other group. They didn't want you to be a gateway drug to.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I was wearing bandanas and stuff, you know, I was like, you know, camouflage bandanas, not red or, or, or blue.

• 14:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, like Willie Robinson or whatever.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:28Theo Von?

  Is it Robertson?

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, more like that. You know what? I'll be honest with you. I always put a T in there unnecessarily.

• 14:35Theo Von?

  And it may have, it may have, they may have gotten rid of it, who knows? A lot of people are trying to hide from taxes.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:41Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? If they're trying to hide from taxes.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  They're like, oh, no, no, no, this is Willie Robertson. I'm Roberson.

• 14:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, now, I will admit, we look, we look simpler.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:54Theo Von?

  I'll tell you straight up, man.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  I'm Roberson.

• 15:00Theo Von?

  Um, are you too hot or cold?

• 15:03Speaker 02

  No, I feel great.

• 15:04Theo Von?

  Okay, great. Um.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Perfect temperature, really. Feels good.

• 15:08Theo Von?

  Thanks. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I'm wearing, I'm trying a different shirt on, trying to look a little different some days. I, there's a lot of times I don't feel like doing, I want, I want to stay in a similar pattern. I don't want to try something super new. But then every now and then, maybe three times a year, I'll get up and like, I'm gonna try something different today.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:26Theo Von?

  You know, and so I try, I thought I would try this.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:29Theo Von?

  Shirt, kinda.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Those kinda shirts are hard for me. I feel like the nips always come through for me.

• 15:34Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, this, this is working here. This is working for you. I guess so. I guess I do.

• 15:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  I, I don't feel like, I don't feel like it all the time, but if I wear a real thin, like I used to wear thin shirts for work. And, uh, yeah, I could feel like I, I need the undershirt.

• 15:50Theo Von?

  Yeah. Ooh.

• 15:52Theo Von?

  The undershirt, I never got into the undershirt.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  I was a big undershirt guy.

• 15:56Theo Von?

  You were?

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:57Theo Von?

  What took you there? Well, I guess you just told me.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Well, I feel like undershirts were the thing for a while, even T-shirts. And when I was in school, we would wear two T-shirts.

• 16:07Theo Von?

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  You never, well, you grew up in Louisiana, it's a bit hotter there.

• 16:11Theo Von?

  That's true, but you already had a shirt on to flex and be like, oh. Cause you, in our neighborhood, we had people with no shirts on.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:18Theo Von?

  So to be like, I'm gonna wear two shirts.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:21Theo Von?

  And some guys like, you know.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  It looked like you took his shirt.

• 16:25Theo Von?

  Well, it just fucking, he didn't know a lot of math, but I'll tell you this. That didn't add up.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Or either he was like, you hold my shirt. If I need it, I'll come to you, but don't wrinkle it, keep it on.

• 16:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, keep it fresh.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I do remember in the neighborhood, like in our neighborhood, like if you got good grades, like that kind of shit wasn't cool, really. You didn't want to be like too smart, you didn't want, you know, you kind of just had to play the game of like fitting in, but not fitting too in.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, my dad would make fun of me for reading, but also wanted me to make good grades. And I was like, I got, it's one or the other here. You can't make fun of me for doing the homework and go, why are you not passing?

• 17:09Theo Von?

  Oh, you can't have your C A K E and eat it too.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:13Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you spell in front of him, he wouldn't get it.

• 17:16Theo Von?

  Oh, God, yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, he would make, my dad has said, I've heard my dad say, I ain't never read a book. He likes, that's a brag for him.

• 17:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  And I'm not a big reader, but I've read a book. You know?

• 17:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. Oh, in our neighborhood, it was like, if somebody could whistle really good, they had fucking clout, you know?

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:37Theo Von?

  Like, oh, fucking get Donnie over here, you fucking hear, get him over here. And you, somebody would go get Donnie and he'd come down on his bike and he'd, you know, he's an adult with a bike, you know? But he'd get there and he'd pull up and he'd fucking have half a can of beer and then he'd whistle, you know?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  It's the weird talents.

• 17:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  It's like, you got it, you got a little something.

• 17:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, there was just something like, but I think there was just like what it was like, that was just the energy around, you know? It was just kind of calm, people doing stuff. It was just pretty basic back then.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, like even just have like squirrel had LaserDisc. And I remember that my mom worked at a plant that made VHS tapes.

• 18:14Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  So I told my mom that squirrel had LaserDisc and she got real mad at me. Because I guess I came home bragging about the stuff that squirrel had at his house. And LaserDisc was a potential threat to her income.

• 18:29Theo Von?

  To your family?

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:31Theo Von?

  You're you're down there in the other double wide.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Look, swimming in an above ground pool, watching LaserDisc.

• 18:37Theo Von?

  Living high on the hog.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:39Theo Von?

  God.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, meanwhile, my mom wasn't yelling at me like squirrel's mom was, but I'm like, these things seem cool.

• 18:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  I could take a little yelling for a few perks.

• 18:50Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure, dude. Oh, my big thing was peeing on the floor in my room. I remember when I was a kid, that was like one of my big tricks or whatever. Like, I never could whistle. Uh, and then I'm trying to think of what else have, oh.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  What would peeing on the floor give you?

• 19:05Theo Von?

  Just fucking.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Being like, I can do whatever I want.

• 19:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Like, my mom can't do nothing. I'll pee in the floor if I want.

• 19:13Theo Von?

  Like, hey, we'll show them, huh?

• 19:14Speaker 02

  You can't be in the floor at your trailer or your house, but I can.

• 19:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:19Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, I think there was a part of me that thought like, one day I'm gonna have my whole room fucking collapse right into the fucking living room. I'll show all these motherfuckers. Like an alien spaceship just landing, you know?

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:31Theo Von?

  Um, what else? Yeah, aren't it? Oh, I remember my buddy's dad got his wife. So my buddy's mom got her a window, like their window had been out for a while. And he got him a window and he put it in upside down, right? So it was like, fuck. But it wasn't coming out.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  You just come, let it down like that. You let it down like it's a car.

• 19:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, so it was just, yeah. It wasn't bad, but it was just.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  He might be sitting out there with his arm propped up on it like he's riding in the truck.

• 20:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, he just leans into the house like, "How you doing, baby?"

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Misty's out in the yard, he's letting it down.

• 20:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, shit like that, just regular shit.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  I've just been in here peeing in the floor.

• 20:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. Hold on, let me put a cork in my wiener and I'll, I'll come out there and take a look at that new... That's fucking damn, that thing works with gravity at window, huh? That's different.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the way.

• 20:37Theo Von?

  It really is.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:38Theo Von?

  Cause the old way where you push the window up, that you're defying gravity.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:43Theo Von?

  That's damn wizardry. Most guys, enter the room, wiener first. Yep, cock first, you heard it. BlueChew helps. BlueChew isn't just a tablet, it's a cheat code for your crotch. Stronger, harder, longer lasting, straight bangers, you feel me? Like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership and turns your downstairs into an upstairs. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. That's it. Last time I took a BlueChew, I accidentally picked a lock.

• 21:24Theo Von?

  And we've got a special deal for our listeners, as always, get your first month of BlueChew free. Just use promo code Theo at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping, that's it. Join BlueChew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to BlueChew.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. If you run an e-commerce business, you know the best way to be successful is to keep your customers happy. That's why smart retailers use ShipStation. One thing I love about ShipStation is that it makes it easy to automate shipping tasks and manage orders in one simple dashboard.

• 22:07Theo Von?

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• 22:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, man, there was just stuff like that about growing up. Was it real poor by you, or did it feel organized? Did anybody have that trailer with the lattice work around the bottom of it?

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Well, I think we all had tin. I mean, I gotta think somebody had lattice. But, you know, our trailer, we had tin around it.

• 23:08Theo Von?

  Okay, but you did have that skirt on it?

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, we had it covered.

• 23:11Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's actually not bad right there. That looks good.

• 23:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  But, you know, then cats can get in there and have babies under the trailer.

• 23:20Theo Von?

  Oh, with that lattice work?

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, they can squeeze their little head under there, and then they get in there and they start tearing out your insulation. And they have babies up in there.

• 23:28Theo Von?

  God damn.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  You just hear a lot of meowing all the time.

• 23:31Theo Von?

  Oh, dude. Well, also, a lot of those baby cats are the asbestos cats or whatever, which are there. You know, because a lot of them get up in that insulation, like you're saying, they get that asbestos on them.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  And then you let them in the trailer, now you're all itchy.

• 23:44Theo Von?

  Oh, dude. Well, I would notice, I'd pet a cat about 40 times, and my hand would have little cuts on it.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:50Theo Von?

  My god damn.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  You could have a cat allergy.

• 23:53Theo Von?

  Oh, dude. The asbestos cats needs to be a group of cats that save a fucking trailer problem.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could line the cats up as insulation if they got enough in there.

• 24:07Theo Von?

  Just put a little bit of tuna paste on the walls in there and have them in there.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:11Theo Von?

  God, yeah, there was something, uh, they had lattice work. I remember that was one good thing you would see. Dude, somebody, we had a balcony or whatever. We lived in like, it was like four apartments next to each other. And they, somebody stole our ba- would steal the wood from our balcony, right?

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:27Theo Von?

  And so.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Like, just wood they had laying up there or like, or you're railing?

• 24:32Theo Von?

  Oh, they'd steal it all. If you can find that photo, it's out there somewhere. So we'd come back sometimes and my sister, each one of the bedrooms had like a door upstairs that would go out to the balcony, right? And it didn't get you anywhere. We were still in our neighborhood. We thought like, you know, I remember the first time going up there, there you go, right there. Now zoom in on that bitch.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Oh, they took your whole porch?

• 24:52Theo Von?

  Oh, fuck, yeah, they did. But then you'd see it, you know, three weeks later, you'd see they'd have built a fucking fence or something in their shit. And we're like, bitch.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  You're like, that's the color of my porch.

• 25:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's our fucking balcony, bitch. And I'm like, no, it ain't. Like, motherfucker. Who, who do you think carved, God help us, into one of those boards?

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:17Theo Von?

  With my initials under it.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  That's why you gotta pee in your room. You can't go out on the balcony anymore.

• 25:22Theo Von?

  Dude, I mean, shit, zoom back in on that bitch. I haven't looked at this in years. But yeah, dude, people would fucking steal the wood and they would steal, we had a fence right in front of the, that bottom door downstairs. And so people would steal that shit. So you'd have to go fucking find it. My mom slapped a kid one time because they took it and she had to go to jail.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  We had a barn, my dad had a barn and we used to, uh, we would take wood off the barn to build a clubhouse.

• 25:48Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  And we thought the barn was abandoned. And my dad went out there one day, he's like, where's all the wood? And then he sees our clubhouse.

• 25:56Theo Von?

  Dude, imagine having such a shitty childhood that you think part of your fucking home is abandoned. You're like, well, fucking, that's abandoned. He's like, that's where I work. He's like, oh, my bad.

• 26:11Theo Von?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but the trailer park that I lived in, it did feel good. It felt organized. It felt, you know, but there was, you know, there was, for a while, my sister lived next door to us in a trailer. So we had a trailer. My sister and her husband had the next one. And she married into a guy who had two kids already. So there was, you know, a bunch of kids. We had our own little courtyard there in the middle.

• 26:32Theo Von?

  Oh, that's nice. And it kind of sounds like.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  And then people, my mom had a phone and people would come over and borrow the phone, you know, landline.

• 26:39Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  So it'd have that long cord. And so people would be out on the back porch on the phone with the door closed, like they still want privacy.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Even though they're using my phone.

• 26:53Theo Von?

  Hey, look. We're gonna listen. If you came over here, we're gonna listen.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:00Theo Von?

  Uh, oh dude, that was, things like that were so much fun. Well, one thing that money gets you is privacy or even just like, that's one thing I even saw, I think, when I was young, like when you were poor, everything was right there. You could hear the neighbors, you know, in the apartment, somebody else would cook something. It would come through your vents.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:16Theo Von?

  So you're hungry and you're like, fuck, they got all that shit. And now you're yelling through the vents, you know, fuck y'all, you know, but order, you know, but also ordering like a number seven or whatever, you know? So, you know, it's just like, but you would hear if somebody was doing something bad or whatever. If somebody was domestic dispute, you would hear all of that.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, my buddy, his, his mom, he lived next door. His mom had him when she was real young. So she was like, you know, we were like, you know, early teens and she was still pretty attractive. And her and her husband, or her boyfriend, I heard them like having sex and the, and their trailer wall was real thin. So I could hear it out in the yard. And I was like, me and my buddy, not the buddy that was his mom, but another guy, we're like creeping up to the, and my mom's out there raking the yard. She's like, get away from there. But we're like, you know, we're like, this is pretty fun. We're.

• 28:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, what's happening?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're hearing this attractive lady have sex.

• 28:09Theo Von?

  God.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Middle of the day.

• 28:12Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  That was like, you know, that could have been Cinemax for us.

• 28:17Theo Von?

  Oh dude, you don't just get something like that unless God has favor.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:22Theo Von?

  I don't think anyway, that's not an accident. First of all, two people comfortable enough to make love and it, was it drug induced, you think, or?

• 28:30Speaker 02

  At least alcohol induced.

• 28:32Theo Von?

  Okay, so, so, but yeah, but at least two people making love during the day. And neither one of them is a victim of something.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  And they're being loud.

• 28:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're brave then.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  It's like, you know, we can hear it. My mom's doing yard work out here.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  We're into it, though. We're like, this is what I'm talking about.

• 28:56Theo Von?

  Well, what if you don't really figure out, and you see your mom just rubbing the rake across the ground? And it's like, ah, and you're like, what is she? What kind of new grass is that? It's like, ah, she just keeps raking, you're like.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  I'm like, you're working too hard. She's like, I enjoy it.

• 29:13Theo Von?

  She's trying to cover for him.

• 29:16Theo Von?

  She's over there. Sorry, man, I'm not supposed to laugh at the mic this much, but that's hilarious, dude. Yeah, I just love, like, there was always something great about being in like, in a shitty neighborhood, kinda.

• 29:30Theo Von?

  You know, um, because everybody was right, if you wanted a friend, they were right there. They were everybody, everything was right there. But then also, all the drama and the bullshit was right there, like, if people were fighting, if people were like, you know, the dad was leaving, everything was right there. So everybody knew everything. You couldn't, it kinda was sad sometimes because you didn't feel like anything was personal to you. It, there was nothing you could keep for yourself.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:56Theo Von?

  Does that make any sense?

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, uh, living in trailers, you're at least spread out a little bit. Whereas apartments, yeah, you would be right up, I mean, because I've lived in apartments since then. But yeah, we called the police on a church one time for playing their music too late, uh, on a weekday. Like, the church was real close. I still think about that, that we all agreed at the trailer to call the police on the church. It couldn't have been that loud. We could just hear it.

• 30:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  It wasn't keeping us up.

• 30:27Theo Von?

  Right.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  But we were like, no, I don't think so, guys.

• 30:30Theo Von?

  God, this is, I mean, they need to turn that shit down. Because that's how it starts. I mean, should they turn that down? And somebody else is like, somebody else has had a beer and they're like, oh, fuck, yeah, they do.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  I can't hear my music.

• 30:43Theo Von?

  It just gets weird.

• 30:46Theo Von?

  There's always talk like tornadoes is such a big thing with child parks. Was that a part of y'all's thing or not really?

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Well, I think any storm is scary when you live in a trailer, right? It's like, you know, we were just talking like about weather and like what, what storm is the scariest? And somebody said earthquakes was the scariest for them, but I'm like, I grew up in a trailer. Earthquake was the least of our worries. There's nothing even really to fall on you. But it's tornadoes, tornadoes, even wind. We grew up under pine trees. We had a ice storm once that froze a tree limb and the tree limb fell and it stabbed through the roof of the trailer.

• 31:23Theo Von?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  And hit a shelf. My mom had a bunch of ceramic owls on it. They went everywhere. Yeah, it's, uh, it's heartbreaking. Yeah.

• 31:32Theo Von?

  That shit is heartbreaking.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  But so all weather and so, yeah, tornado, we had a tornadoes blow trees down on our trailer one time.

• 31:39Theo Von?

  Oh, well down in Alabama, I think they have the worst trees. If a strong storm tornado does show up.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:46Theo Von?

  They literally have these tall ponds. They're, you can't really do anything with them. They drop pine cones or someone's fun around the holidays or whatever, but they're a million feet tall and literally just waiting to fricking kill somebody.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, fell, one fell across the trailer, another one fell on top of it.

• 32:02Theo Von?

  It's almost like they're doing a game like that, um, like hands on the baseball bat, like whoever gets to the top, you know?

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:08Theo Von?

  It's like the, the, they're just gonna keep falling until somebody, yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  And trailers are just right under. I mean, the, the tree weighs more than the trailer does.

• 32:16Theo Von?

  There's more wood in the tree. Than there is in the trailer.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. It's like the tree is almost like here, use us.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  We're right here. You're living in this aluminum.

• 32:28Theo Von?

  The tree's trying to help.

• 32:32Theo Von?

  Oh god dude, yeah, that kinda shit just fucking, I'm trying to think of whatever else really got me, uh. Oh dude, well, one time when it froze, when there was a freezing in the south, it was a big thing.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Huge deal.

• 32:46Theo Von?

  And one kid, I remember we had a basketball game. And it was a freezing and we were playing like the rival town. And it froze, right? And it snowed at halftime and it hadn't snowed in our town in probably thirty years or something. And so people were fucking going crazy and fucking drinking Dr. Pepper really fast and just fucking amped up, you know? And stealing gas from each other, that kinda shit. People were excited. And one kid, this kid Lucas had went outside and a icicle, I guess, had had formed on a tree at some point. And it'd fallen and hit him right under his fucking eye and messed his eye up really bad. And his mom tried to like sue the city or whatever and all kinds of shit. And she's like, I remember she's like, he was never the same.

• 33:27Theo Von?

  And I knew that fucking kid for that. He was never the same before it happened. You know what I'm saying? He was.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, the icicle didn't really mess up his path.

• 33:37Theo Von?

  I think you didn't get it, you didn't get a strong take on your son before that icicle hit him.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Right.

• 33:43Theo Von?

  Oh, it's easy to show up once there's a weather lawsuit, you know?

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, the city's like, well, show us some of his accomplishments prior to this.

• 33:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, and he was just a downward stock out of the gate, I think, you know? I mean, he couldn't even fucking whistle, I remember. People were like, boo. But yeah, there was something growing up like in like a place that like, I don't know. Shit like that was just fun, man.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, you just get, you got some character, there's not a lot going on, uh, you know, I mean, you know, we.

• 34:13Theo Von?

  You made the most of it.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, we were just hanging. I mean, talk about pine cones. It's like, we love pine cones. We used to throw them at each other. You build fires out of the pine straw, burn pine cones. Get a fresh pine cone that's not spread out, it's real hard.

• 34:28Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  A lot of spikes on it.

• 34:29Theo Von?

  A virgin when we're underage when some guys call them.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Not like these old, old wore out, stretched out pine cones.

• 34:37Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Like a fresh green one. We'd throw rocks at each other. We'd ride the bike. We'd, we, I remember there were these girls riding bikes up and down the, and we were throwing rocks at them.

• 34:47Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  And my buddy missed and hit me in the head. And I was bleeding, I started crying. You know, I don't, there's no one to sue.

• 34:56Theo Von?

  Well, also. Dude, that's another thing about being poor. There's no, who are you gonna sue the other person? Nobody has shit. No attorney is gonna support either one of you guys. Dude, one time we're riding on the school bus and this kid, Jason, and he was, came from a pretty shirtless family, like, somebody got this shirt, but they had it like, not everybody got it or whatever. But he, on the bus that day, he's like, he found a rock that was pretty good and he's like, I'm throwing this bitch today. You know, he was just fired up or whatever, because I think his birthday was coming up. And he's like, I'm throwing this motherfucker today. Somebody's gonna get hit by this bitch. And he kept showing it to me. We kinda hung out in different little realms of school. They had like, at our school, they had the hick tree, uh, prep tree, um,

• 35:40Theo Von?

  blacks kinda went out wherever they wanted, kind of. Um, and then hick tree, prep tree, and one other thing, I think it was just like, people that listen to Soundgarden or whatever, you know?

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a, yeah, like a grunge.

• 35:53Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:54Theo Von?

  Like a grunge thing. And so, anyway, he was over by the hick tree and he's like, and I would hang out over by the prep tree. I just had more friends over there. And at one point, uh, he had his rock, he's all ready. I'd forgot about it. So at recess that day, I'm fucking hanging out over there, fucking rock comes, hits me right in the fucking head. Of all the people, he didn't even aim at him. He just hummed that bitch. Fucking took me right out.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  You were hanging out under the wrong tree that day.

• 36:22Theo Von?

  Still, I'm like, dude, just fucking, I'm the only guy you know over there.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  And he probably was just throwing at the prep tree.

• 36:30Theo Von?

  Hundred percent.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  He's just like, I wanna hit somebody under the prep tree. They think they're better than me. I wanna hit people under the prep tree. That's my attitude. That would have been my, I didn't throw the rock, but you know, my mindset was I'd like to throw a rock over there.

• 36:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, somebody's gonna feel a little bit of my pain today, dude.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  And I had friends over there too.

• 36:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  I had friends in the hick tree, the prep tree, the black tree. I had friends under all of them.

• 36:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  You know?

• 36:55Theo Von?

  God, dude. And I might even be over there just bumming money off some kids.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Even the lay ocean tree.

• 36:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  They were all my friends.

• 37:02Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I met some good Laotians. You know who's Laotian? There's a comedian named Lucas Sealy.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know Lucas.

• 37:10Theo Von?

  Lucas Sealy, he lives in Montana now, I believe. He took me up there to, they had a Montana Comedy Festival. We had a good time up there. But he's Laotian. I met some decent Laotians over the years, and I'd love to meet more of them, to be honest with you.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Well, Opalika's the spot. I think that's the Laotian of Alabama.

• 37:27Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Laos of Alabama. I guess Laotian's not the country.

• 37:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:33Theo Von?

  Oh, there you go, right there, is Lucas Sealy. I believe he is Laotian. He runs a, yeah, a lot of good food there. He, his family has a egg roll truck.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 37:46Theo Von?

  Wet heat, man, that's what you're calling a special?

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, wet heat, and it's, I like the, I like the name because you don't know what the name might mean, right? You don't know, it could be, hey, we're, we're talking, we're doing a 90's sitcom, there's a little murder, a little sex. You don't know, it could be a buddy cop film that takes place in Miami. But it's a weather joke, wet heat, humidity. I go out to Phoenix, you know, and they're always like, oh, I'll go, it's real hot out here, and they go, yeah, but it's a dry heat, you know? And like, their, like, their heat is better than my heat, right? And I get defensive, and I go, yeah, but I like a wet heat. So that's what I tell them, I like a wet heat. So, that's why it's called that.

• 38:27Theo Von?

  I liked it.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  It's a great special. Like, I had another one called Working Man, that's on Netflix now. It's very good. I think wet heat's better.

• 38:34Theo Von?

  I like that.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  I'm very pumped about it. I'm all about a full spec, I got a lot of callbacks, you know, I got a lot of things that, a couple of themes that come around a couple of times. And I like that. It's like a, you know, it's like a Pink Floyd album, the whole thing matters.

• 38:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, I watched about 15 minutes of it, and I enjoyed it, man. I like, I kind of get in.

• 38:56Theo Von?

  And then there's some spots are really just surprised, like I knew, you always know you're gonna laugh most of the time, but there's some spots where I really just found myself just like, uh, surprised, I can't tell if it was the delivery, I don't know what it is, but just really enjoying it, man.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Well, I appreciate that. And you know, it's about 70 minutes. So if you watch it 15 minutes at a time, you got, you got about, I don't know, I'm not good at math, but maybe about four more settings. You know?

• 39:24Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I can invite friends over and have it in installments.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Come over, watch another 15 minutes of the special with me.

• 39:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, I was trying to think, cause I, I don't know if I'm at the part, oh, I am at the part where there's a lot of urine in it and talking about peeing and growing up and how many times men pee or don't pee.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I got, you know, I got a lot of bodily functions in there, probably more so than any special I put out, but I like, you know, I just, I pee a lot. I drink a lot of water and I'm out here peeing.

• 39:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, and it's a wet heat.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is a wet heat.

• 39:54Theo Von?

  How do you?

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Pee is a wet heat.

• 39:57Theo Von?

  It's the ultimate.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  That's a, that's something I missed. That's a theme I missed.

• 40:02Theo Von?

  Well, I won't even wear, I notice at night, honestly, Dusty, I won't even wear those tight underpants anymore because I don't, it pushes on my bladder.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't like that.

• 40:12Theo Von?

  I didn't even think about this, because I've been buying these kind of semi-tight undies or whatever, and it kind of, you know, it's tight, the band up here is tight.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:21Theo Von?

  And so then, my bladder didn't even get to fully expand and hold a normal amount.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:26Theo Von?

  And so all, like twice, twice a night I had to get up extra just because I've chosen tight undies.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta just get loose with it, just let it free, you know?

• 40:35Theo Von?

  I wanna almost make a good cotton undie, cause they say a lot of those polyamorous or polymethylene underpants or whatever, the plastic's getting in people's nuts.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  I'm all about 100% cotton. I wear 100% cotton underwear, these socks are not. Jeans are, shirt is, 100% cotton.

• 40:53Theo Von?

  God.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  I'm all about, I like linen, wool, cotton, that's where I'm at these days.

• 40:56Theo Von?

  Really?

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Not together, all on their own.

• 40:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, I don't mix meats, you know what I'm saying?

• 41:01Speaker 02

  You don't wanna blend it.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's yeah, that's where it's at though. And I think um, I got like a pee paranoia almost like if I'm getting on the plane, I'm like, I gotta go pee because if I get on the plane and then I we sit there for a while, I won't have you know, because you get you if you board early, you sit down.

• 41:21Theo Von?

  It's a good point.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  And then by the time everybody else is boarded and then you take off, it's like, it's a long time to get to pee.

• 41:27Theo Von?

  There's no way to win that exactly.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then some flight attendant get goes in the bathroom and they're in there all day. I'm like, what are you doing in there?

• 41:35Theo Von?

  Sudoku.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:37Theo Von?

  We know it.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:38Theo Von?

  So we know it.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:42Theo Von?

  But yeah, I it's like, there is no way to leverage that perfectly. Where you because if you get on early, then you have to wait all that time before you even leave. Whereas if you wait and pee and get on last, that's kind of nice, but then you have to wait all that whole time in that line.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel like sometimes I feel like I go, no, I want to board at the end. I'm just gonna chill. But I can't, I can't chill. I'm like, no, I gotta get on right now. I gotta get on. Let's go ahead and get on.

• 42:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  There's a lot of, I don't want to call it anxiety because I'm not, I'm not anxious about it, but I'm like, no, I could get on right now. I'm gonna go ahead and do it.

• 42:16Theo Von?

  And then I'm on.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:17Theo Von?

  Because anything out there, you see the gate agent, you see them, they the gate agent, they're basically the St. Peter with a with a lot of times mental conditions, right? They don't fucking, they'll be like the gates closed, gates not closed. They'll be like, we're full, not, you know what I'm saying? You don't know how they're gonna be feeling.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  And that, you know, they don't get treated well by people. I realize that, but it must be a hard life. They don't seem happy.

• 42:44Theo Von?

  No.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  And then you every every time you go talk to them, they just do like this. They just do like this. They're just typing away.

• 42:50Theo Von?

  Cat, like that cat meme?

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're just typing away and it's like, what are you typing? What are you typing back there?

• 42:57Theo Von?

  Oh, they're probably just typing down the F word over and over again. That's what I'd be doing, you know? I think anyway.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  I'm gonna ask to see the screen.

• 43:11Theo Von?

  Um, what else? Oh, you sold pesticides. Is that true?

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I sold pesticides. I was a pesticide sale. I sold to Lowe's and Home Depot. That's what I did for years. I lived in Charleston, South Carolina.

• 43:22Theo Von?

  Did you really, dude?

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:23Theo Von?

  I used to live on King Street.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  Oh, you lived on King Street?

• 43:25Theo Von?

  I used to live above the Bebe store for probably about eight months.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Oh, amazing. I lived on Burns Alley, which is right off King.

• 43:34Theo Von?

  Was it over there by Kicking Chicken or something?

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, really close to Kicking Chicken.

• 43:37Theo Von?

  God, it was so good.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  I used to tear the Kicking Chicken up.

• 43:40Theo Von?

  F it was good. God.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:42Theo Von?

  Oh, hell, yeah, dude.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I lived in Charleston for 10 years, from, uh, 2003 to 2014.

• 43:49Theo Von?

  Great place.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  I loved it. So that's where I started comedy and I waited tables.

• 43:56Theo Von?

  That's Kicking Chicken right there.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:58Theo Von?

  But it used to be different. That must be another location. They had a downtown, like just a little-

• 44:02Speaker 02

  I think downtown's gone now. The downtown Kicking Chicken's gone.

• 44:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's been a while.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:06Theo Von?

  They had a little alley and then they had that Harris Teeter over there. Was that there?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:11Theo Von?

  They had that joint. And then I worked at a bar called O'Brien's. Uh, I think it was called O'Brien's.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  I think I remember an O'Brien's.

• 44:18Theo Von?

  It was an Irish bar.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  On King Street?

• 44:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I remember that.

• 44:21Theo Von?

  And they had a band that played in there like once a week. It was a cover band and I would go listen to them.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  What was the cover band? Um, I feel like there was like a Molly James or a James. Ah, there was something like that. They were there forever. Yeah.

• 44:36Theo Von?

  Dude, I've tried to remember the name of that cover band for the past five years and I can't remember it.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, they were there forever. I remember hearing them when I first moved there. Everybody was advertising them and then they were still going.

• 44:49Theo Von?

  And they would play "Climb to Safety" by Widespread Panic and I would, they played a lot of like songs that everybody knew, like sing-alongs.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:55Theo Von?

  But they also played "Climb to Safety" by Widespread Panic and I fucking loved it. And one time they let me get up there and ring like a, ring a little bell or something during it.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, pre-internet Charleston was like, I don't know, it was just great. It was like this nice little hidden city. I lived on Folly Beach for a while.

• 45:14Theo Von?

  Dude, Folly Beach, people would surf out there.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:16Theo Von?

  People would get surf angry out there and say like, "You dropped in on my wave." And she'd be like, "Dude, what are you?"

• 45:21Speaker 02

  I know.

• 45:22Theo Von?

  What is anybody talking about here?

• 45:24Speaker 02

  I know, I know, I know. We were just supposed to be, yeah, I used to hang out on the beach, I used to drink all the time on the beach, it was great. They had a place called the Sand Dollar, which I had to get a membership.

• 45:33Theo Von?

  They had a place called the Silver Dollar Bar, which was over off on across, that was kinda downtown, but across.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I got beat up outside the Silver Dollar one time, I think.

• 45:42Theo Von?

  I almost did.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:44Theo Von?

  So.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it was the Silver Dollar, yeah.

• 45:46Theo Von?

  And Portside, they had a place over there called Portside Silver Dollar. Yeah, there it is, Silver Dollar right there, but there's always people doing blow over there.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:55Theo Von?

  Thankfully.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Well, that's, yeah, a lot of that going on in Charleston.

• 46:00Theo Von?

  Dude, I was there during nine eleven, I went up there, actually I was, I hitchhiked up there to meet, there was a girl that I was in love with that moved away and she didn't want me to be around her and she was right. You know, it was getting...

• 46:11Speaker 02

  You hitchhiked to see her, that's...

• 46:16Theo Von?

  When you're willing to, this is before Uber, this is when...

• 46:19Speaker 02

  How'd you get here? I just rode with some strangers, anything it took.

• 46:24Theo Von?

  And it was like, it was twelve hours down from Louisiana, but I got up there and, yeah, it wasn't good, I remember I was on her porch one night.

• 46:33Theo Von?

  And I was like, this has gotta stop, you know?

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:36Theo Von?

  And that's when I shut it down and got Maggie together.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Took some of the wood from the porch on the way out. I'm trying to rebuild something at home here.

• 46:43Theo Von?

  What am I gonna make a shrine to her out of?

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:46Theo Von?

  Obviously, her porch wood is the best thing to make it out of. But yeah, thankfully, nobody caught me over there and I just remember I was on that porch petting a cat that wasn't mine, I don't know if it was hers. And I was like, God, I am, I am emotionally, I've got some emotional issues, you know?

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:04Theo Von?

  And then nine eleven happened when I was there, that was kinda wild, but, uh, but yeah, I love Charleston, man, great place.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's awesome. My friend said you gave a speech at his school in Louisiana. Metairie, I think, is where he grew up. Um, I forget the school, he told me, but...

• 47:18Theo Von?

  I believe you.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  It's a boys' school.

• 47:20Theo Von?

  I can't even remember, oh, it was a boys' school?

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. He said, yeah.

• 47:24Theo Von?

  It was Rumel or something?

• 47:25Speaker 02

  I think so, maybe so.

• 47:27Theo Von?

  Oh my God, dude, that just came back to me. Oh! It might have been when I was in, just in student council, but maybe not, I don't know. Dude, I fucking forgot about that. That's crazy. It's weird how life will go on and you just remember things that happened.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, the the brain is super weird. Like, you can just, it feels like channels just open up and you go, oh, whoa, here's a bunch of memories locked in here.

• 47:52Theo Von?

  Do you think our brain have, that all of our memories are available in our brain?

• 47:56Speaker 02

  I think so. But maybe, maybe our brain remembers them differently. Because people will tell stories about me and I go, that's definitely not how it happened.

• 48:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  But am I remembering it wrong or are they remembering it wrong? I got punched in the face by a female firefighter one time.

• 48:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  And this guy, my buddy, he tells the story all the time and he always tells what I said. And I just know that I didn't say that, but I was drunk enough to get punched in the face. Uh, so maybe I don't remember.

• 48:31Theo Von?

  Right. And then at that point, what, if you know you were drunk enough, it's like, well, do I want to disrespect this story by just trying to put maybe my current ego in it, even though I, but if I was drunk, I was out of control, could that have happened? You know?

• 48:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:44Theo Von?

  And then it's what I realized from growing up, a lot of my friends, I'll tell stories from growing up and my friends are like, dude, I don't even remember that. I'm like, you don't fucking remember that? I'm like, dude, that's like the only thing that, like, that year, that was the only thing that happened. You don't remember?

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:58Theo Von?

  I'm just amazed that some people don't remember things.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  I think sometimes with us as comedians, like, we're spending time thinking about stuff to write jokes about it.

• 49:07Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  That we can recall all these things. But like, people that aren't trying to think about it, they're like, oh, I can't believe you remember that. And I go, this is all I do is sit around and think about this stuff.

• 49:18Theo Von?

  That's a good point. And even if it's not me actively doing it, there's a part of my brain that I think is obsessed with being young and growing up and like wants to have all of that as much as I can. Here it says right here, um, is this perplexity, man? We started using this perplexity. Have you heard of this?

• 49:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:35Theo Von?

  It's a, it's an, it's an AI. The brain holds and organizes all the memories we are able to form and retain, but it is not a flawless or complete archive of everything we've ever experienced. Memories can be changed, lost, or difficult to recall. Not everything is stored perfectly or forever.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  That's interesting.

• 49:53Theo Von?

  I know. I wonder if I should get someone to come on sometime who knows really the deepness of this.

• 49:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. And how could you open it up? They used to say acid would open different parts to your brain.

• 50:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  That's what they always said. That's why we like to take it. We would, because we didn't think we were partying.

• 50:08Theo Von?

  No.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  We were like, we're doing an experiment.

• 50:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, we're hiding in an above ground pool for four hours, laughing at we don't know what, but this is all under the guise of science.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, this, we're, we're, we're open. We're expanding our minds here. We wanna, I wanna listen to this Pink Floyd album and understand what he means.

• 50:32Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I remember my friend, we did some LSD or something mushroomed, I don't remember. And he had a flashback of an Asian kid that had allegedly lived in our town or something. And he got so scared and then he went and he locked himself in a closet for like five or six hours. And we're like, fuck dude, that shit was crazy.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  On acid?

• 50:54Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:55Theo Von?

  And he, he had anxiety ever since then. Every, that, that was a lot for him.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  I don't understand how locking yourself in a closet would make you, yourself feel better.

• 51:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  He needed some better, a better, but I don't know. What do you do? You know?

• 51:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, I, I, and if I knocked on the door, he got very racial and very like, I don't wanna say anti-Asian, whatever. He just was going through a lot. And I was like, I'm not gonna fucking bother. What am I gonna do?

• 51:19Speaker 02

  We're having a good time.

• 51:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, what am I gonna do? Get a fucking one of those like straw hats and like a fish basket and fucking just go in there and rattle his cage? Hell no. I'm gonna support my buddy. And that night, we're at my buddy, we're at another dude's house. And I was like, I'm getting out of here. And he's like, you shouldn't leave. You fucking took all your clothes off in the backyard. And I was like, yeah, well, fuck you guys. I'm not being caged up by this fucking white hate or whatever. You know, I just, I'd get out there. I go get in my car, it's a 1984 Ford Escort.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah.

• 51:50Theo Von?

  Thankfully, I accidentally got in the back, right? I kind of stumbled trying to get out of the door, pushed the seat, went forward, honked the horn, the front horn. Cause I was in the backseat and the, the seat moved forward and honked the front horn. And his mom came out and thankfully shut it down because I could have fucking driven off.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:10Theo Von?

  You know? Drugs can get scary, man. Drugs and driver's licenses, dude.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  I've driven on acid many times and it's, uh, yeah. And it's, uh, it's a blast. I mean, it is a, uh, it's a disaster. It shouldn't happen, but it was. That's another thing. Small towns, you know, you're out late enough. Nobody else is out there.

• 52:27Theo Von?

  No.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  What's the danger really? You know?

• 52:29Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. The birds are gone. The dogs even shut down. Everybody.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, we would drive around. Me and my buddy, we drove around. We were like so out of our minds. I was like biting the steering wheel while I was driving.

• 52:43Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I remember one time we drove past, we'd just taken this LSD and we drove past a, a cop and he stopped us, dude. And he's like, what the fuck y'all doing? Blah, blah, blah. And we caused trouble in town before. And he's just like, uh, I don't remember what his reason was, but he's like, I don't want, I don't want to see you, I don't want to see you guys out again tonight. And we're like, yes, sir. No problem. Not a problem. No, definitely not. Yes, sir. No, sir. Right?

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:10Theo Von?

  Fucking, we covered every base, right? Dude, fast forward five hours later, we are just gleaming on this LSD. We are fucking, you know what I'm saying?

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:23Theo Von?

  I'm like, kind of fucking being like, oh, just saying shit like, oh, I think there's way too many teeth in my mouth, right?

• 53:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 53:29Theo Von?

  We're not doing good. And we realized we are coming up on the same street exactly where that cop is parked. And he's fucking parked there again. And we're like, motherfucker, we promised this dude, we would not, and we're fucked up. We are, this is not going to do, this is not going to end well.

• 53:48Theo Von?

  And we thought if we go, this is our idea, dude, if we go as slow as possible, he won't see us, right?

• 53:59Speaker 02

  You're sneaking by.

• 54:00Theo Von?

  Yes, yes.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:02Theo Von?

  Dude, yes, if we go fast, that's how they catch everybody speeding.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:05Theo Von?

  We go as slow as fucking possible, dude.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  All looking.

• 54:13Theo Von?

  Probably caught us so fast, dude. Put us all in for the night.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  You're like, hey, we're, we're trying to get home.

• 54:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  You told us to get home. We're just looking for it, man.

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• 54:55Theo Von?

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• 55:35Theo Von?

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• 56:18Theo Von?

  the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress. Even if you work from home, it's home place stress. It happens to most of us. I've had problems in my life dealing with things, keeping things organized, keeping the flow, trusting myself, trusting my instincts, et cetera, et cetera. And BetterHelp was an option for me. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5, based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

• 57:01Theo Von?

  As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/theo. That's better h-e-l-p dot com slash Theo. Did you ever run any, any issues with the pesticide? You run any, any good tales from the?

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Well, you know, I did that for like nine years and I'm just like, I, I got one joke out of it and I, you know, I used to, you know, it was four companies. We sold to Lowe's and Home Depot and those four companies. I dated a girl that was on the competition for a while. And I'm pretty sure she had a boyfriend and she was dating me at work.

• 57:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  So we would just, um, you know, like you had to go to the store and you'd have to call in to the office from the store phone. And then, so I would go in and I would call us both in and then we would go drink for a while and then we, and then we would go back to the store and she would call us both out. That way the store didn't see us coming and going. So we had, I mean, we had a wild summer. I had, I had not all the same territory that she had. So some days I had to work, but on those days, I was great. I mean, we would just party, me and her. And she was like, she was real hot. And it was like, even the other pesticide reps were like, she's dating you?

• 58:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I guess so, guys. I guess things are turning around.

• 58:37Theo Von?

  And you just take a hit off that side, baby, off that peace side.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  That's all right, you know, and it felt good. And, you know, I should have been fired. I had, but, you know, I was, my sales numbers were good. I looked good.

• 58:52Theo Von?

  I mean, sometimes it's just who do we want pulling up to the door to sell pesticide? Who are people gonna believe when they open the door and they see?

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Well, I'm just selling to the stores, right? So I don't have to go door to door. But I looked all right. You know, I probably was a little heavy. I've been drinking a lot. I was, I was probably, I was drinking all the time. So, you know, a lot of times I'd pull up to the store, clock in, go sit in the car, smoke cigarettes, go to sleep, you know?

• 59:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, work.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Right, right. Yeah, because it's like-

• 59:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, look, don't act like I haven't had a job.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. And my boss was like, you gotta be there at a certain time. And I was like, it doesn't matter because the stores have no idea if this is my first store of the day or my second store. He's like, no, you gotta be there. And I'm like, well, if I gotta be there, this is how I'll handle it.

• 59:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  I'll clock in and then I'll go, you know, eat a bagel in the car and smoke cigarettes or dip.

• 59:44Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, you gotta find ways to kill time.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, I'm the king of killing time.

• 59:51Theo Von?

  Oh, that's gotta be your next special, dude.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  I mean, I can sit in a car all day. It doesn't make any difference to me. You give me the radio, some nicotine, I'm there all day.

• 1:00:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, God, I love that shit, dude. I used to love fucking sitting in a car. I remember I'd fucking sit in there, like a lot of times my dad would go do something. I don't know what he was doing, but he, cause he didn't have a job or anything, but he would leave me in the car. And I would put, try to put all the seat belts on. I'd like try to sit in the middle-

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:19Theo Von?

  And put all fucking five seat belts on, dude.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:22Theo Von?

  Just do cool shit like that.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, nothing like being left in the car as a kid back then.

• 1:00:27Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  With no, yeah, I mean, there was no.

• 1:00:29Theo Von?

  The cigarette lighter thing?

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. I had a cigarette, I had a Bronco. The cigarette lighter would, like, if you didn't have your hand up there, it would, it's so spring loaded, it would pop out onto the floor. Yeah, I mean, it had some power to it.

• 1:00:43Theo Von?

  Oh, you don't wear sandals around this motherfucker.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, no, no.

• 1:00:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  I loved it. Yeah, you could, I loved that, the way the cigarettes were built, you know, you smoked the cigarette and they just hold that thing right up there to it.

• 1:00:53Theo Von?

  That thing felt real.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. I had an ashtray in there with ashes in it. I mean, it wasn't coins in there. I was using that.

• 1:00:59Theo Von?

  Oh, that was so nice, dude. When that cigarette, because when you were a kid, if your grandparents or your parents left you in the car, you could push a cigarette lighter in and you knew it was gonna get hot. You were not allowed around hot stuff.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Theo Von?

  You weren't allowed to have hot stuff, but that thing, you figured out how to work it, and then you take it out and you're like, I wonder if it's hot. And it would be, it was the hottest thing they had.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  And then you're lighting paper on fire, you're putting paper, and your grandma's like, where's all the receipts?

• 1:01:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  And.

• 1:01:28Theo Von?

  Where's my bookkeeping? Where's my missing posters for your stepfather?

• 1:01:34Theo Von?

  I don't know. God, that was fun, dude. My buddy's dad, uh, my friend Bubby Jenkins, his dad would, uh, I'd miss the bus or just say fuck it or whatever, because I didn't really love the government or whatever. But, um, his dad would give me a ride to school and his dad would do my spelling words and blow cigarette smoke in my face to fucking make it harder for me to fucking memorize them, to challenge me. Dude, he'd rip two or three darts on the way there.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  You gotta love that kind of help. You're like, I really, I really appreciate that, you know? Because then you're good under pressure.

• 1:02:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Like, I learned to drive a stick shift with my dad yelling at me.

• 1:02:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  Like yelling at me about not knowing how to work a clutch that I've just tried for the first time today.

• 1:02:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  And so you're like, now I'm good. I can drive a stick shift for the rest of my life.

• 1:02:23Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, especially when your sexuality's under a threat when it came to anything back then. It was like, you don't know how to do this shit, damn it.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, this is my first time. And he's like yelling at me and we're on a back road. There's not traffic behind us.

• 1:02:39Theo Von?

  Oh, it's, everything was a Vietnam back then at times, man. It was, and also the pressure, just growing up, everything felt intense, you know, learning things and wanna get them right and be cool and know the cool stuff.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, my dad is, uh, knows how to do a lot of things, but is not a teacher.

• 1:02:57Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  So like, you like, think you're doing it right and you're like, there's a lot of pressure to be doing it right. But it's never right.

• 1:03:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  He's gonna tell you how to do it. Even if he told you how to do it and you did it that way. He's gonna be like, nah, like this.

• 1:03:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  I'm like, no, this is the way you told me though. Yeah, but do it like this.

• 1:03:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, we're not doing it like that. I don't know where you learned that shit.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't do it like that anymore. I'll tell you that.

• 1:03:23Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean, I would tell you a story about my dad teaching me something, but he didn't teach me shit, dude. And then, but he would, once I was tall enough, would expect me to be able to drive in places, right? Because, yeah, I mean, my dad was just so old and one day he's like, I think you can do it. And I was like, what? And he's like, I think you can drive me to Slidell. And I was like, I don't know. You know, and, um.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  How far would that be for you?

• 1:03:49Theo Von?

  Probably seventeen miles, right?

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:03:51Theo Von?

  I was like, I could. I don't know, but you wanna do it.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Theo Von?

  You wanna support your dad or whatever. And, uh, and I did it, man. I, he, we fucking got out there. On the interstate.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  And why would he need you to drive?

• 1:04:05Theo Von?

  He was so old, he couldn't see that good.

• 1:04:07Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:04:08Theo Von?

  But we had to get there. And so it was like.

• 1:04:11Theo Von?

  You know? What are you gonna do?

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Theo Von?

  Cause he used to do those credit card signups at colleges. He'd get people to sign up for credit cards. And he'd get me out there on the table to call them over and whatever, you know, and, you know, make promises to them or something. And, uh. So we'd drive over to like Southeastern Louisiana University or Delgado or some school somewhere. And we'd pull all this shit out and he's giving out free candies or whatever, whistles or something, you know? Or it'd be like a whistle that yells a slur or something if you hit the right octave on it or frisbees, you know? Shit like that.

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  So he got, he got money for the, for signing people up for credit cards?

• 1:04:48Theo Von?

  If people signed up, I think he got like, like a dollar fifty. But I think it had to be approved and shit.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Theo Von?

  But I'd sit there and fill a couple extra out while I was there.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:57Theo Von?

  You know, we're killing time. He had no idea what was going on. He'd be fucking asleep, awake, fucking he'd go to get a sandwich, fucking fall asleep over there. It was just like, it was fucking, it was like a huge game of hide and go seek.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  And that's why you'd need to get to Slide L.

• 1:05:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  So you're driving, you're working it. This is learning things. He may not be teaching it, but you're learning things.

• 1:05:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, that was it, man.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  You're learning to hustle.

• 1:05:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was a hustle, dude. It was fun, though. Um, yeah, any other blue collar kind of jobs that you had?

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Well, I, you know, I, I, I did restaurants mostly. I worked at a restaurant called Hyman's in Charleston. I don't know if you ever went there. It would have been around. It was nice. It was nice. It's a tourist spot, but it's good food.

• 1:05:39Theo Von?

  Bring it up.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  I mean, it's a-

• 1:05:41Theo Von?

  I think I went there not long ago.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  It's a hotspot. They have, um, the, um, they have a lot of pictures on the wall of famous people that have been there over the years. And I finally have my picture on the wall. I'm finally on the wall. I was like, that's what I'm talking about.

• 1:05:56Theo Von?

  Let's go, Hyman's, baby.

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, uh, Hyman's is great. There were so many employees at Hyman's that I run into people still all over the country that I used to work with.

• 1:06:07Theo Von?

  Why was there so many?

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  It just was, it took up, it took up three addresses-

• 1:06:12Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  Uh, on the street. And then it was a second floor, uh, you know, first floor and second floor restaurant.

• 1:06:18Theo Von?

  It's beautiful.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, actually it took up, it was like from 213 to 221. That many addresses on the block. It was great.

• 1:06:28Theo Von?

  We should go do a show there sometime, man.

• 1:06:30Speaker 02

  We should. I mean, Charleston is, is the best.

• 1:06:34Theo Von?

  That would be cool. I started this, uh, the tour, my now started in Charleston. And so-

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  What did you do?

• 1:06:39Theo Von?

  I don't even remember.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  It's probably North Charleston Performing Arts Center?

• 1:06:42Theo Von?

  On campus.

• 1:06:43Speaker 02

  Oh, uh, the Gilead?

• 1:06:46Theo Von?

  Maybe. Yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Very nice?

• 1:06:49Theo Von?

  Yes, very nice.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just did the Gail Yard too. Very nice. I watched the Gail Yard be built. So I was like, very happy to do that. I mean, because a lot of people that I, that's where I started comedy. So a lot of people I started comedy with and people that knew me around that time all got to come there and see me.

• 1:07:05Theo Von?

  Dude, that's pretty exceptional.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a big deal.

• 1:07:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:08Theo Von?

  Cause being a comedian, you're not, everybody thinks you're just hiding from your parents or whatever, until you get something people can see.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Theo Von?

  It's a weird thing to tell people you're doing, I feel like. Did you feel like that?

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, even doing TV, uh, it can still be like, you could still be, uh, not necessarily seen like you're doing great until they see you in a big venue. And they go, oh, look at all these people that bought tickets to see you.

• 1:07:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  It like means more than.

• 1:07:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, or on a show, they have to see something. And they'd be like, well, what do you, you know?

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. I just did Hollywood Squares. I think a lot of older people in my life feel like I made it when they saw me on Hollywood Squares.

• 1:07:47Theo Von?

  Oh, definitely.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's, everybody has their own idea of kind of what making it is, you know? And it could be anything. And it could be from any, you know, it could be some people thinking it's Charlamagne the God show. It could be some people, oh, here you are right there, dude.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:01Theo Von?

  Justin Long and Drew Barrymore were on there?

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did another episode with them and I was where Jeff Dunham's at. So I was right next to Drew Barrymore.

• 1:08:09Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  And she was up in my square. So it was very fun. She was, you know, I was like, yeah, it felt good.

• 1:08:15Theo Von?

  He's cute. What's some great folks in there?

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Theo Von?

  Dude, that's exciting. That's like a huge show from growing up. Ron Funches is on there. Oh, who's the host? Uh?

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  Drew Barrymore. Oh, the host is Nate Burleson.

• 1:08:27Theo Von?

  Nate Burleson. He's awesome, dude.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was great.

• 1:08:30Theo Von?

  Nate's a great dude.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  Very nice, very funny.

• 1:08:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:33Theo Von?

  Super talented, man. I mean, what a, what a neat guy. Guys would be able to have two careers. Great football player and, uh, does a great job hosting.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I don't know how, I don't know how long this goes, but he's really great.

• 1:08:45Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Theo Von?

  He does a couple of different things. He does some different stuff. Um, you know, I'm trying to think of any other blue collar jobs.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Well, you know, I, I, I, I, I was a pizza delivery guy for a long time. I worked at Papa John's. I mean, that feels blue collar. I mean, it feels like, like stoner blue collar.

• 1:09:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  That's what I did out of high school. I did deliver pizzas and it was great. I used to, you know, I was getting high a lot. So it was like, you know, you, you're riding around your own hometown. You know where everything's at. There was no GPS back then. So you know where everything's at. He's just getting high, listening to the radio. It's a perfect job.

• 1:09:20Theo Von?

  You ever whip a slice out of somebody's order or anything?

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  No, no, I was, I was very anti that, but I would, uh,

• 1:09:26Theo Von?

  And I respect that. I want to say that.

• 1:09:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I never messed with people's food. I can't do it.

• 1:09:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, me either. I've never done anything like that, you know?

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  But I had, I used to pick up my friends at the gas station. They would, they would meet me at the gas station. I'd pick them up and we'd all smoke weed together while I delivered pizzas.

• 1:09:40Theo Von?

  That's fucking cool.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  I don't think they had anything going on, but I also think it was cool for them to just ride around while I was working.

• 1:09:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  So I'd pull up to people's houses with four or five dudes in the car, you know? Had a guy one time meet us outside and we were still smoking, you know, and it's like a little awkward. You get, you start to get extra polite. You're like, how are you today, sir?

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  Thanks for choosing Papa John's.

• 1:10:07Theo Von?

  There's nothing better than that shit, dude. The awkwardness, dude, I used to get fucking high and fall asleep all the time. My friends didn't want me to go out with them because they're like, dude, you just hit all, you hit like, and I would, I would hit a lot of the weed. And then I would literally fall asleep for the next four hours.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Theo Von?

  And they just picked me up and they'd still have to drop me off at the end of the night. I would just lay in the back of the car or whatever. And I think I was just growing at the time, whatever your body's just dealing with shit or whatever. And, uh, one night we got so high and they just started a Taco Bell in our town, right? And this was like the grand opening. So people had come. People came from 30 miles. One guy rode a horse there. People were coming however they could.

• 1:10:45Theo Von?

  Some people didn't even get out of their cars. They just drove by. They honked.

• 1:10:50Theo Von?

  You know, people would drop off their spouses, just do whatever. They didn't even know what was going on.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  That's big day.

• 1:10:54Theo Von?

  And I got out of my buddy's van.

• 1:11:00Theo Von?

  And they'd all been inside. I'd fall asleep. I wake up, I open the door and my fucking uh, folks are right there. They had just pulled up and I'm so high and I'd never seen them when I was high before.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:13Theo Von?

  And I'm just trying to just pretend like I'm not high, you know? Like, great seeing you guys tonight, huh? And they're like, oh, fuck. That was not it. That was not it, dude.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, am I talking enough? Am I talking too much? Uh, do I look ha- do I normally look this happy?

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  Good seeing you guys here tonight, huh?

• 1:11:35Theo Von?

  This is so bad.

• 1:11:36Speaker 02

  Big deal, Taco Bell.

• 1:11:38Theo Von?

  Big deal. And then somebody did, um, I've told this before, somebody defecated in the meat and they had to shut it down. And that was a true thing that happened. That was horrible.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  I bet that's happening all the time. Not just Taco Bell.

• 1:11:49Theo Von?

  I don't know. It happened in our town. And I'm not saying, and Taco Bell, I'm not, nothing against you guys. I don't go there, but, uh...

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I'm not even trashing Taco Bell, but I'm like, you know, I don't trust people working these days. Yeah. You ever go to a restaurant and see the people working there and go, nah, I don't think so.

• 1:12:07Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I've walked in and be like, let me get a good look at, is there anybody in here who's not?

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  Does anybody look like they care in here?

• 1:12:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  I don't think so. I'm gonna head on out.

• 1:12:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, somebody's just making, and there was even like a guy who was like, he's just doing TikToks of him peeing in people's food or whatever. You're like, what?

• 1:12:25Theo Von?

  That's insane.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, there was like, uh, there was a, you know, it was a bit of a Taco Bell thing going on for a while where people would-

• 1:12:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, tell me.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  It wasn't Taco Bell, but they were working there. And these people would take the hard shells and they would just lick, they would go down and lick all the hard shells in the stack. And that was, that was TikToks for them. And then there was a thing where people were going around opening ice cream in grocery stores and licking it and then putting the lid back on.

• 1:12:53Theo Von?

  And that was, I think, a kind of a black community thing, too.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  It's just like, but if you're not putting the plastic over your ice cream, I'm not buying it. Yeah, here we go. Look at this guy.

• 1:13:01Theo Von?

  That's the white version of right there. But hold on. You knew he was doing that before you even fucking. And that dude should be cross-eyed. That, the thing is, these days, that guy, both of his eyes are functioning well.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  We don't know if the other one looks good, though.

• 1:13:15Theo Von?

  That's a good point. That's a good point.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  That hit the other, he may be looking straight ahead on the other one. That's why this one's so far over.

• 1:13:21Theo Von?

  Dude, we had a cross-eyed dude. He'd always try to like do his hair different. He's like, how did, and like, dude- Just fucking, like, no judgment. We love you. We fucking love you, dog, but you could have the fucking mohawk and people are talking like, damn, that cross-eyed guy is doing wild, you know?

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you see the mohawk on the cross-eyed guy?

• 1:13:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, God, he must not be doing well. It's like, you need a very organized cut, you know?

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you want to be everywhere else. You want to be as presentable as possible.

• 1:13:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, you need to cut that tit, right? Your haircut needs to look like it gives 10% a month to the Lord, brother.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you want to look like, you want to look like something just happened to you.

• 1:14:04Theo Von?

  Yes, like, oh.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was just, I fell out of a business meeting.

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  I lost a wheel on the rolling chair.

• 1:14:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, just fell out of a business meeting, hit my head really hard.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Fell out of my limousine on the way here.

• 1:14:20Theo Von?

  This is horrible to say, but if I were cross-eyed, I would just always pretend like it had just happened, like something had just happened, you know?

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Like, look at this eye, guys.

• 1:14:27Theo Von?

  Fuck, just sneezed really hard. Do I look okay? That's what I would do.

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you know, it's like if you got a zit or something, you go, oh, yeah, look at this thing, you know, you would always, I would always point it out.

• 1:14:38Theo Von?

  Like, God, my stepdad is patting me on the back real hard. Do I look all right or something like that? Or, man, I just got bit by a dog. How do I look? And people are like, God, you fucking, you know? Yeah, you'd have to do something like that. Sudden cross-eye, this is, um, what can cause sudden crossed eyes? That's a good question. Sudden crossed eyes or strabismus in adults or older children can be caused by serious neurological conditions and should be evaluated promptly by a healthcare provider. The most common causes include stroke, brain tumor, head injury, thyroid eye disease, interesting.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  I think I'd go with this cranial nerve palsy.

• 1:15:12Theo Von?

  That's what I'm rocking.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  That's what I'd tell people.

• 1:15:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's my cranial nerve.

• 1:15:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, I hit a fucking speed bump and my fucking cranial nerves all acted up, you know? That's what I would say. Or you could always tell the old lie, two of your friends both threw frisbees to each other at the same time.

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, or the uncorrected vision issues. Just go with that one. Yeah, just needed glasses and just wouldn't get them. Wouldn't get them.

• 1:15:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, my dad ain't no pussy, as he says it. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, didn't need to read those books.

• 1:15:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's kind of weird because I would have to get two of the same book and just hold them each right here, you know?

• 1:15:51Theo Von?

  Which is very expensive.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  It's like two monitors on a computer.

• 1:15:55Theo Von?

  Oh, man, that's ridiculous, dude. Um, how do you feel, uh, do you, at this point, you have to start to really feel like you've made it in comedy, right?

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel good. I mean, honestly, I feel like I never thought I would make it this far.

• 1:16:09Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  I mean, I was just messing around with comedy.

• 1:16:12Theo Von?

  All the time now.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Oh, good. Yeah, I mean, I was just, you know, I was drinking and I was like, yeah, we'll do comedy and it was a good, good way to meet women. And I was like, this is something to do on Friday. And then I won a contest in Charleston and I was like, well, maybe I can do something with this. And then I just started, you know, figuring out how to work the road and I started, you know, traveling around and doing road gigs. And then, you know, I did some festivals and got on Late Night and I was like, oh, this is working out. And it just feels good. Yeah. I mean, this is, cause I don't, this is what I want to do, you know? I don't, I'm not trying to do other things. This is what I like doing. Stand-up is so fun. We just did that outdoor festival in Winnipeg and outdoor comedy is typically not that fun to me.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  But this was great. It was a really fun show.

• 1:16:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, that was awesome, dude. You saw the Trailer Park Boys there?

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did. I got to hang out with them a bit.

• 1:17:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, they were funny.

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  They were funny. Julian, the guy that seems like, like the real mean guy in the show, was the nicest.

• 1:17:13Theo Von?

  But the big hat with the black hat on, you mean?

• 1:17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's a really, really interesting guy.

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yeah.

• 1:17:19Theo Von?

  What a lineup they had there.

• 1:17:22Theo Von?

  They had Miss Pat. There was still smoke in the air when I got there. That was Miss Pat's friends, I'm sure.

• 1:17:28Theo Von?

  What a lineup. We had Martin Short, Mulaney. That's so cool. That was, yeah, that was fun, dude. And just to be up there and see what it was like there. I wish I'd have gotten to stay a little bit longer. And I called out the mayor too much, I think.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  You know, I didn't know who, I hea- I heard you calling out a guy, but I didn't know who the mayor was.

• 1:17:45Theo Von?

  I was like, release the Epstein files.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:48Theo Von?

  Gil- Gillingham. He just had the perfect name to call out. I have no idea who he is.

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  But I got there a day early and I walked around a little bit. It was fun. I liked the area.

• 1:17:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Speaker 02

  I thought I went to a nice steak restaurant. Turned out I went to like a chain.

• 1:18:02Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:18:02Speaker 02

  The Cag is what it was called. I thought, oh, this seems like a cool spot. And then my wife, who's Canadian, uh, who brought you a mug, by the way, uh, Tim Hortons mug. We had a Tim Hortons in Hermitage now.

• 1:18:11Theo Von?

  Are you serious? They're coming over here?

• 1:18:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:14Theo Von?

  What's the tariff on those Timbits, I wonder?

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  I don't know. I've not been, but I do see the credit card when she spends money. She brought you a note there. I don't know if that's a love letter or not. I hope not, but uh.

• 1:18:23Theo Von?

  Sweet. Thank you, dude.

• 1:18:24Speaker 02

  Uh, but yeah, we had a Tim Hortons in Hermitage. Uh, but she told me that the Cag is kind of a cha- it's kind of like the outback of, uh,

• 1:18:31Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  Which I don't mind the outback, but uh.

• 1:18:34Theo Von?

  No, but it's, uh, tell her I said thank you.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:36Theo Von?

  Um, that is, well dude, my frickin' sister used to work at, uh, what's the one with the birthday one? Texas Roadhouse.

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Oh, I was just in a Texas Roadhouse in Alabama and they do, uh, they do quite a birthday thing in there.

• 1:18:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's big. And they would always get Benjamin. He was like the gay dude that worked there. And first of all, when you see a gay dude working at a Texas Roadhouse, I support it.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:59Theo Von?

  But at first I feel like there's some conflict interest if some guy's like, this is supposed to be Texas or whatever. And then some guy's just over there fucking just like, you know, he's just like, you know, he's just, he's bouncing his dangly earrings off his own shoulders, you know? And he's like, they say it's your birthday.

• 1:19:19Theo Von?

  Because the problem is they're all supposed to sing the birthday song, but they start, they start monopolizing the use of the gay employee to do all of them. And that would happen a lot. I would notice at my sister's restaurant. Benjamin, gay Benjamin, or whatever they called him. I didn't call him that. We'd get out there and he would have to do all the birthday songs. So he started feeling kind of taken advantage of. But anyway, I don't know what we're talking about.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Well, you know, I mean, it's, you know, you, you, you, you work what you got. You know what I mean? You gotta feel good. Like they're like, it feels like nobody can take your job.

• 1:19:48Theo Von?

  Ooh, that's a good point.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  You know, you're like, oh, you, for, for long birthdays are like, they're coming in, they're going, hey, it's my wife's birthday today. It's Benjamin working.

• 1:19:57Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  And Benjamin's not working. So they're like, we'll come back tomorrow.

• 1:20:00Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  We'll come back when Benjamin's here for the birthday.

• 1:20:04Theo Von?

  We'll come back not even on my wife's birthday.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:06Theo Von?

  Because we want the big dog to do it.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:20:09Theo Von?

  It's like going to McDonald's and only Grimace is there or whatever. You're like, ah.

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  Right, right. Where's Ronald?

• 1:20:15Theo Von?

  Do you remember when Ronald used to be at the birthday parties?

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I don't know if he was ever at my Burger King. Was it Burger King or McDonald's?

• 1:20:23Theo Von?

  McDonald's.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  I don't remember who the crew was. The Burger King had the king.

• 1:20:27Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that guy is a fucking creep, though. They just had some issue with McDonald's. What was there, something I saw on the news? Oh, yeah, that's what it was right there.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:34Theo Von?

  There's some Laotians, huh?

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's probably Opalika.

• 1:20:37Theo Von?

  There was some McDonald's news. I'm trying to think if I had another blue collar job. Oh, yeah, I used to clean out wishing wells. I've talked about that before. We had a lot of wishing wells in our town and they'd give kids like summer job, you could go clean them. And you have to get down there, right?

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:51Theo Von?

  And, oh, dude, I remember they had this.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  Like a fountain?

• 1:20:55Theo Von?

  No, like a wishing well.

• 1:20:56Speaker 02

  Like you had to get down in the well?

• 1:20:58Theo Von?

  Yeah. So you had to get a ladder and get down there and get all the stuff out, but there'd be money down there.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  Oh, and you got to keep the money?

• 1:21:05Theo Von?

  You got to keep a share of it. Now, you didn't get to keep all of it, but they didn't know, but you didn't want to be dishonest. But anyway, the kid I partnered me with was this black kid and I'd go down. And he was just supposed to keep people from making wishes or whatever while I was down there. But when I got down there, he was like, this is at a time in the world when I think a lot of black people didn't, they were scared of like magic and shit like that. Some of that was still, you know, because of whatever had happened in the past, I think, you know, like getting this box and, you know, I'm gonna make you a millionaire, whatever, whatever. Whatever trick had been played on and a lot of black comedians, whatever. So anyway, I'd be down there, but when I started just talking up to him, it sounded real scary, I guess, because of the echoes and shit.

• 1:21:49Theo Von?

  So he'd get all fucking scared, right? And I'd have to go back up. He'd be like, dude, it's just me, like fucking, chill out, dude.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:57Theo Von?

  He's a nice kid, dude. This kid named Alton. And, but fucking.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  He's like, I'm not trying to make a wish.

• 1:22:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:05Theo Von?

  But he'd just be like, what's happening to you? He'd get so freaked out. And I'm like, it's just me. And he'd be like, it's just me, you know? So he'd fucking run off and get help and shit. I was like, we're fucking, it was horrible there, dude. It was just fucking a nightmare, but he was so freaked out. But anyway, that was one job I had.

• 1:22:24Speaker 02

  You're down there collecting wishes?

• 1:22:26Theo Von?

  Well, you're getting the money, but there's also a lot of people throw trash down there.

• 1:22:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:31Theo Von?

  Crime equipment.

• 1:22:32Speaker 02

  I like to think there's somebody there coming to make a wish and sees you come up with all the money. And it ruins it for them.

• 1:22:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, I hope not. I hope that, you know, that wasn't witnessed. Uh, it wasn't a lot of money. It's a lot of bullshit down there.

• 1:22:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:50Theo Von?

  It's not. I mean, you might get $4 out of there.

• 1:22:52Speaker 02

  Oh, jeez.

• 1:22:53Theo Von?

  You know, nobody's coming up the ladder with fucking 75 bucks.

• 1:22:57Speaker 02

  It's not the ye olde wishing well. This is not the original.

• 1:23:00Theo Von?

  Well, it's not. Yeah. And they're using dimes and shit. There was no, you know, there's no dollars.

• 1:23:05Speaker 02

  You're not even trying to get a wish if you're using a dime.

• 1:23:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:09Theo Von?

  You're just trying to take a little weight out of your pockets.

• 1:23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  The well's like, you're never trying to get this wish, are you?

• 1:23:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, the well even is like boo.

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  You think it's a ghost, you're just getting booed?

• 1:23:23Theo Von?

  And then out and runs off. He can't handle it. But they should have had some sort of a sensor in there. If a dime goes in, the well just yells something at you.

• 1:23:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:32Theo Von?

  Fuck you.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's gotta be enough weight to trigger it.

• 1:23:35Theo Von?

  Right. But, you know, at that, when I was a kid, you don't have, you know, we found a crime, we found some crime equipment in there. We found a sword, like a bloody sword, I remember. A lot of to-go containers, people just driving out there, throwing, having a picnic, throwing all their shit in there.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:50Theo Von?

  You know, people didn't, you know, they, a lot of people, I think, thought it was like just recycling and shit like. So just shit like that. But anyway, those are the days, man. What's happening in the news right now? What do we got, dude? Uh, na- nationwide McDonald's boycott planned for August 1st. So that's just happened.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  Whoa. So why are people boycotting? I guess you're finding this out right now?

• 1:24:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, the planned boycott of McDonald's in August was announced by John Schwartz, founder of the People's Union USA. Um, why? The action has been spearheaded by progressive groups who have expressed a number of concerns over issues including company tax avoidance and workers' rights. Uh, in addition to backlash over companies scaling back diversity hiring commitments.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  Well, I've been boycotting McDonald's for a long time, I think. I don't eat there, but not, not a real boycott. I just don't eat there. I don't like it. I don't think it's good.

• 1:24:48Theo Von?

  That's fair. You know what? I think, yeah, is it good? That's a great question. I don't think it's good anymore.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  I don't think so. There's no, there's hardly any fast food that I think is good anymore. I lived off Hardee's growing up. I mean, that's all we ate. There's a Hardee's right down the street from our trailer park. We had to pass it going to school, from school. I would eat breakfast, lunch, dinner. We ate Hardee's non-stop.

• 1:25:11Theo Von?

  Hardee's used to be really good.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  I like a Hardee's breakfast still, but nah, I'm not into Hardee's lunch and dinner.

• 1:25:17Theo Von?

  Yeah. Well, I don't think these places should be doing dinner.

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, yeah.

• 1:25:23Theo Von?

  Lunch, I'll buy it. I'll buy it. You guys are doing lunch? But you're doing dinner? Now, I will say this, Hardee's is just a Carl's Jr. in disguise. A lot of people don't know that.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  Well, Hardee's breakfast though is banging though. These biscuits, uh, yeah, I mean biscuits and gravy. I used to get a loaded omelet biscuit. This is back when I was drinking and I was real, I was pretty fat. I would get a loaded omelet biscuit and then I would get biscuits and gravy. And then I would put the gravy on the loaded omelet biscuit.

• 1:25:49Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:25:50Theo Von?

  And they weren't offering that?

• 1:25:52Speaker 02

  They weren't offering at the time. I think later they did, but I think somebody found out about what I was doing. I was doing in the parking lot of a Lowe's.

• 1:25:58Theo Von?

  One of these fucking ops watching me eat.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:01Theo Von?

  That's how it is, dude. Well, I sometimes will get a double hamburger from McDonald's. Uh, and then it's not on the menu.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  Wow. It's not on the menu? You just have to ask for it?

• 1:26:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, I want a double hamburger. And they'll, you know, they'll make a sound or somebody, if it's a, you know, if it's a black lady, it'll get kind of pissed or whatever for a second. You can hear them getting pissed even when the mic's off.

• 1:26:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, the drive-throughs like that. You can hear that. You can hear, you can feel the tension.

• 1:26:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, you can hear, yeah. But that's it right there, that double hamburger.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  See, to me, that doesn't even look good. And this is the picture to make it look the best it's ever gonna, it ain't gonna come out looking that good.

• 1:26:37Theo Von?

  Oh, this is its Olin Mills photo. This is, yeah. This is its headshot. And it's, yeah, you're right. I think, bring up a picture of a hamburger from McDonald's. I would say from the 1970s. Let's see what it looked like then.

• 1:26:50Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, I bet they had some sesame seeds on it back then.

• 1:26:53Theo Von?

  Ooh, that's true. They didn't even put those on. Probably saves them a millim cent.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, look at that. That's what I'm talking about. Extra bun in there. I guess that's probably a. A Whopper or something. I don't know what, who has what, but yeah, look at that thing.

• 1:27:10Theo Von?

  That thing was pretty good. Now, the Big Mac used to be, you don't even hear about the Big Mac anymore.

• 1:27:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:15Theo Von?

  And dude, my mom, we would take us, I've said this before, but we would go sometimes and get a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit in the morning from McDonald's. That was something nice that we got to do during like Thanksgiving week.

• 1:27:24Speaker 02

  The hash brown was a full thing. I like that. I like a McDonald's, McDonald's hash brown I still like.

• 1:27:30Theo Von?

  It was good.

• 1:27:30Speaker 02

  Full thing.

• 1:27:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:32Theo Von?

  It was good, dude. And my mom, she would order the McFish or whatever, but she would act like after we'd all ordered, I've said this before, but it still blows my mind. She'd be like, um, and I'll have, and she would make sure we were all kind of quiet so she could order it.

• 1:27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:46Theo Von?

  Like, like she was ordering from like a special fucking menu, like we were gonna eat in a private room or something. She'd be like, and I'll have the McFish.

• 1:27:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, she wants to separate it. This is what the kids have had.

• 1:27:58Theo Von?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:27:58Speaker 02

  Now I'm an adult and I'll be eating this.

• 1:28:02Theo Von?

  Guys, go get your, go get your sodas. And she's like, and I'll have the McFish.

• 1:28:05Speaker 02

  Well, you know, I do that if I order coffee at like a Starbucks in the drive thru and I'm ordering for my wife. I'll go, my wife will have this.

• 1:28:12Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:28:12Speaker 02

  And then I'll have a black coffee.

• 1:28:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, my wife will have a fucking wedding cake in a cup.

• 1:28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry to do this to you.

• 1:28:21Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:28:22Speaker 02

  This is what she'll have.

• 1:28:25Theo Von?

  Well, yeah, my wife needs to take a nap in an hour, so she's gonna have so much sugar.

• 1:28:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:31Theo Von?

  So that she can do that. Dude, my ex-girlfriend would put like eight sugars in her fucking coffee, dude. At like, we'd go to meetings and she'd put like eight sugars in the coffee. I'd be like, God, that's bad.

• 1:28:43Speaker 02

  In my wife's defense, she is just getting cream in her coffee, but still, I'm like, I want you to know I'm not doing that.

• 1:28:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:28:51Theo Von?

  And this may be a note for help. Okay, so we don't know what's really going on there.

• 1:28:55Speaker 02

  We don't know what's in there. I didn't read it. She did seal it, which I found interesting.

• 1:29:00Theo Von?

  Well, that's sweet of her, dude.

• 1:29:01Speaker 02

  If it wasn't sealed, I could have read it in the car.

• 1:29:05Theo Von?

  Um, oh, there was the Jelly Roll Wrestling. I saw that thing. You see that?

• 1:29:11Speaker 02

  I didn't see it.

• 1:29:13Theo Von?

  This is Jelly Roll's wrestling now. Look at this fucking Jelly Roll dude. Look how fit he is.

• 1:29:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Look at that clothesline.

• 1:29:21Speaker 02

  Oh, Jelly Roll and Logan Paul.

• 1:29:25Speaker 02

  Oh, Jelly Roll's the new Undertaker. Just when you thought wrestling couldn't be more realistic.

• 1:29:30Theo Von?

  I know, it's crazy. But I think Logan didn't like some Jelly Roll songs, and that's how this happened.

• 1:29:35Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:29:37Theo Von?

  So...

• 1:29:40Theo Von?

  And I know Jelly Roll's doing a lot of stuff to lose weight, but this is...

• 1:29:46Theo Von?

  This is like one of those things you go down to South America to get done.

• 1:29:49Speaker 02

  Who's this other guy? Has this other guy got any, uh, albums out, or?

• 1:29:53Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:29:56Theo Von?

  It's Jake Paul's brother.

• 1:29:59Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:30:05Theo Von?

  Okay, I think that's enough. And look, they hug at the, or they're trying to fucking kiss real quick. Here, but hold on, go back this a little bit on this video that is also... First of all, great job.

• 1:30:17Speaker 02

  What a move by him. Logan Paul.

• 1:30:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, it's Logan Paul is a good wrestler.

• 1:30:24Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 1:30:26Theo Von?

  He is what it takes for the sport.

• 1:30:29Theo Von?

  You know, he does that thing. Have you seen that, that down center guy that hits those two beers together and then gets in the, uh, glass?

• 1:30:36Speaker 02

  I only know Stone Cold to smash the, that's all I know.

• 1:30:39Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:30:39Speaker 02

  I kind of tapped out a while ago on wrestling, but...

• 1:30:42Theo Von?

  But go back to the beginning of the video, please. You'll see Jelly on the table when they put him on the table. Watch. He kind of, this is like me, like say if I go, if I'm at a girl's place and like she's like, I'm gonna go to the restroom or something. I'll try to make myself look cool. I get in the right position. Watch him kind of scoot over.

• 1:30:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:00Theo Von?

  He kinda just moves into the right spot. So that it works out, dude. That was pretty cool.

• 1:31:06Speaker 02

  Um, yeah.

• 1:31:08Theo Von?

  But that's wrestling, dude. That was big in our town. Dude, uh, one of our neighbors dated a Hulk Hogan impersonator, actually.

• 1:31:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:31:15Theo Von?

  And that was pretty cra- that was pretty cool. We'd always get excited. He'd come in the yard and fucking.

• 1:31:19Speaker 02

  Rip his shirt off?

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know, Jelly Roll's a real Nashville guy.

• 1:31:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:25Speaker 02

  My friend, uh, used to work at Hooters and she would say that Jelly Roll used to come in back in the day as he's always been a rapper in town. So I think that's cool.

• 1:31:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:35Speaker 02

  I met Jelly Roll a few times. Nice guy.

• 1:31:37Theo Von?

  Oh, the best.

• 1:31:38Speaker 02

  Jelly Roll sang to my mom outside of Zany's on the, on the sidewalk one time.

• 1:31:42Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:31:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:43Speaker 02

  I was like, this is what I'm talking about.

• 1:31:44Theo Von?

  Oh, he's just so heartfelt, man. He's just a human hug, you know? Um, and just his dieting. How much has Jelly Roll lost? It's gotta be 150 pounds.

• 1:31:54Speaker 02

  It's gotta be a lot. I've not seen him like that. He looked very thin. You would think you would want a heavier Jelly Roll to be in the WWE.

• 1:32:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:03Speaker 02

  200 pounds, it says, in a ye- almost 200 in a year.

• 1:32:06Theo Von?

  Believable. And his energy, dude, I saw him a couple weeks ago, just after Shane Gillis had done his show at the ESPYS. We stopped in to say what's up on, he was like, out, just great energy, saying, you know, just like his energy level, everything.

• 1:32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:20Theo Von?

  I remember seeing him a couple of years ago and I was like, man, it just seemed like he was in unsafe territory health-wise. I mean, just visibly, you know?

• 1:32:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:27Theo Von?

  You don't know. Um, but that's pretty amazing, dude. Yeah, we're, we're gonna go to Hulk Hogan's funeral, uh, this week.

• 1:32:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm bummed about that. I always wanted to meet Hulk Hogan. I was always a fan as a kid. I got a little Hulk Hogan alarm clock at home. I mean, I don't use it still, but I got one. But I had it as a kid. Uh, someone sent it to me. But I had one as a kid, like, you know, wake up, eat your vitamins, to, you know, say your prayers.

• 1:32:52Theo Von?

  He was exceptional, man.

• 1:32:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:54Theo Von?

  He was exceptional, dude. Yeah, dude, I mean, this dude would come over to date this lady in our neighborhood and he had it, he would do like, he would get out of his car and do the whole Hulk Hogan thing like he was going, like when he was going up to his, to the door to knock on her door.

• 1:33:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, doing the, doing the, yeah.

• 1:33:11Theo Von?

  And he'd play the song in his car and we'd all get out there and fucking chill.

• 1:33:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:14Theo Von?

  Fucking party, dude.

• 1:33:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the clock. Yeah.

• 1:33:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. I got one of those.

• 1:33:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, man, it's kind of sad. I mean, I grew up there. It's like, just like my buddy Eddie Joe, my buddy Larry Tisdale, uh, William Teague, we used to, on our street, we loved Hulk Hogan, bro. We loved him, dude. We loved all the WWE, WWF, NWA, all those guys.

• 1:33:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, we used to go, I like, you know, in Opelika, Columbus, Georgia's close, and that's where they had, uh, Georgia Championship Wrestling in WCW, so we used to go there, watch Ric Flair and Sting back in the day.

• 1:33:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  Steiner Brothers.

• 1:33:48Theo Von?

  Steiner Brothers, dude, those guys. Bushwhackers.

• 1:33:51Speaker 02

  I got a bunch of pictures that we just took on our, you know, our camera of, like, the, yeah, uh.

• 1:33:56Theo Von?

  Steiner Brothers, the only Jewish mentally challenged people, I think, in the South.

• 1:33:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:02Theo Von?

  You know, they just didn't have that back then.

• 1:34:03Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:34:04Theo Von?

  But that, I mean, that just show you, like, Jewish people are just so, like, they'll always figure out a way, you know, they take their two mentally handicapped people, they put them into wrestling.

• 1:34:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:13Theo Von?

  You know?

• 1:34:13Speaker 02

  And look at them. They're stacked.

• 1:34:16Theo Von?

  Dude, while some cultures, we're putting our best people into wrestling.

• 1:34:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. We're giving up good guys for this.

• 1:34:25Theo Von?

  Dude, and the crazy part was, though, that guy and that lady, they got in like a domestic dispute, and the cops would think it was just them fucking practicing wrestling and shit. Like, that was the craziest thing. If you dated like a, um, Hogan impersonator, or like a Jimmy Snooker impersonator or whatever, because they'd fucking be clotheslining some lady in the yard and the cops are like, "That's awesome," you know?

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:47Theo Von?

  Run it back.

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, she's helping, she's a good wife, she's helping him practice, getting ready.

• 1:34:55Theo Von?

  It's just different times.

• 1:34:56Speaker 02

  We'll miss Elizabeth out here.

• 1:34:58Theo Von?

  Um, are you worried about AI stealing your job at all? Do you think about that as comedian?

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  I don't think so, but I do think I'm in a good place to, um, because AI can't even get the way that I look right. Uh, maybe the way I look to other people, but it never looks like me. It can't get my jokes down. People try to get it to write an AI joke. It never makes any sense.

• 1:35:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:18Speaker 02

  And then, uh, I feel like my delivery is my comedy. Uh, so I think, and people tell me all the time, I try to help them write jokes and they go, well, that's funny if you say it.

• 1:35:28Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  Uh, so, uh, and I'm, but I also think I'm in a good spot to make enough money to where I can, uh, just chill, cause I live a normal life, so I can just chill out, uh, if AI does steal my job.

• 1:35:44Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:35:44Speaker 02

  But there is, apparently there is something where they're trying to get some kinda, uh, uh, pass some legislation with AI where it's like, if someone is using your likeness for AI, then you can get royalties off of it.

• 1:35:57Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:35:57Speaker 02

  So maybe AI could do corporate gigs for me.

• 1:36:00Theo Von?

  Ooh, that'd be nice.

• 1:36:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:01Theo Von?

  I wouldn't get hired for a lot of corporate gigs because I like, just because I have more profanity in my set and your set's pretty clean.

• 1:36:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:07Theo Von?

  Um, is your set fully clean?

• 1:36:10Speaker 02

  Uh, I wouldn't say it's, I like to say I'm relatively clean, right? Where I go, I go, I don't want kids to come to my show, but you know, you can watch with your aunt and not be embarrassed that you're watching it with her.

• 1:36:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  I get, you know, I got, I got a few sex jokes and stuff like that, but nothing too gra- nothing graphic at all. And nothing, uh, and I like to talk about drugs.

• 1:36:31Theo Von?

  Yeah. And that's fair.

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, that doesn't even look like you very much.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  Right. I mean, it's like, people could say, oh, there's a guy that looks like Dusty, but he really doesn't look like me.

• 1:36:41Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, Microsoft just dropped a study showing the 40 jobs most affected by AI and 40 that they can't touch. Let's look it through these. Phlebotomous, that's true. Getting blood out of somebody.

• 1:36:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:36:58Theo Von?

  Nursing assistants.

• 1:36:59Speaker 02

  I like that nursing assistant is listed higher here than like a nurse.

• 1:37:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  So are they saying?

• 1:37:06Theo Von?

  Hazardous materials, waste, rever- what is that? Removal workers?

• 1:37:13Theo Von?

  Embalmers? Fuck yeah.

• 1:37:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:16Theo Von?

  Tire repairs, hell yeah.

• 1:37:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:19Theo Von?

  Prosthodontist, dude. People that make prosthetics and shit. We used, we had a place that made some prosthetics near us and they would throw all the bad ones over the fence, dude. They'd be in the woods back behind our house. We'd be fucking humming thumbs at each other and shit.

• 1:37:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:33Theo Von?

  We'd flip each other off with fucking kneecaps and shit. It was awesome.

• 1:37:37Speaker 02

  My wife read this book, uh, it was like by Klaus Schwab, like it was like called, uh, The Great Reset. And it was like, it was like COVID-19 and the Great Reset.

• 1:37:47Theo Von?

  I've heard about that.

• 1:37:47Speaker 02

  And it wasn't like some conspiracy book. It was a book he wrote. And he had talked about in there that like entertainment jobs are safe. Because we're always, people are always gonna need entertainment.

• 1:37:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, but what if we don't have any money to survive? Do you think people are gonna spend it to like rent a film or something?

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, if there's no money, that will be tough. It'd be tough to make money off live performance. But I think we just make less money, like you do it for cabbages or something.

• 1:38:18Theo Von?

  Right, totally. I think you would still show up and have a tent or something and do it like that, you know? And sell like, you know, make it a nickel or dime, you know, whatever the thing is. I agree. Um, and maybe that's what it would become. You're just traveling around with a cart and that's what you're doing.

• 1:38:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, now working for drink tickets wouldn't be so bad. We're like, yes, please.

• 1:38:34Theo Von?

  Dude, I always had a dream of working under a tent, you know?

• 1:38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:37Theo Von?

  I really.

• 1:38:38Speaker 02

  Like a, like a carnival.

• 1:38:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, and it's peer to peer that way, too. It's just, this is it.

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be, I mean, like comedy would be so fun in a way that if you could, you just traveled to different towns and just do comedy under a tent. And nobody, like, like, like the old days of comedy, nobody knows what you're gonna be doing.

• 1:38:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:57Speaker 02

  And you could just do the same act for 10 years.

• 1:38:59Theo Von?

  It was all a surprise.

• 1:39:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Theo Von?

  Yeah. Okay, here's some at-risk jobs. Writers and authors. Uh, historians, that would be one I would be kinda scared.

• 1:39:09Speaker 02

  Writers and authors, that's at risk right now, cause no one's reading.

• 1:39:13Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:39:14Speaker 02

  Including myself.

• 1:39:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's different times. Uh, statistical assistants, data scientists, web developers. Kind of things you would think of, sort of. Let me see if there's anything out there. Concierge's.

• 1:39:30Speaker 02

  Models? Well, concierge, because you can just Google restaurants near me.

• 1:39:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, but then you almost do want to be like, hey, what's really good? You know, you want, I feel like, to me, you want, but you're probably right.

• 1:39:43Speaker 02

  Models, I feel like they'll be fine.

• 1:39:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, models, dude, they need somebody to fricking do blow or whatever.

• 1:39:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:51Theo Von?

  Who's gonna do that?

• 1:39:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:52Theo Von?

  Oh, now roofers? No, roofers are already doing drugs of their own. That's for models. Um.

• 1:39:59Speaker 02

  I did drugs with roofers in Gulf Shores, Alabama, one time. I met, I needed, I was like a late teenager and was looking for weed. I met these guys, real tan on the beach, jean shorts, and they gave me a little weed and then they took me and my buddy back to their trailer. And they had all this weed in the freezer. And the guy had a home, he had a bong, but the slide, the bowl was made out of a piece of two by four. And it was carved out. So he had, you know, still a slide where you take it off to clear the chamber. And he packed it in and he goes, he was like, let me hold it, let me hold, and then he wanted to clear the chamber. And then we both coughed our heads off. And then we got so paranoid. It's 4th of July, fireworks are going off, we think it's gunshots.

• 1:40:45Speaker 02

  We're freaking out. This guy loves it. He loves that we're freaking out. And that makes it even scarier. He's just laughing.

• 1:40:52Theo Von?

  He starts playing an electric guitar to your fears. That's scary, dude. When you're scared and somebody's like, oh, you're really scared right now? Let me play this electric guitar for you.

• 1:41:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, and then it was fine. We got to leave. Uh, but it was like terrifying. And then you're finally, you never think you're gonna get out of there. And then you're in the car and you're like, ah, and we got some weed.

• 1:41:12Theo Von?

  Dude, is there anything better than you're trapped in some place, you're so fucking high, when you finally get out of there and you're like? And it could have just been anywhere. Could have been a conversation, could have been a car ride, could have been anything.

• 1:41:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then you're finally out of there and you're like, oh, it's over now.

• 1:41:27Theo Von?

  Free at last.

• 1:41:28Speaker 02

  I'm free.

• 1:41:28Theo Von?

  Yeah. God, that shit was fun.

• 1:41:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:31Theo Von?

  I love that. What else we got? Oh, in two separate, um, recent WNBA games have been plagued with a new problem. Unruly spectators throwing sex toys onto the court. Hmm. Oh, God. Indeed, officials had to pause two WNBA games this week because a person in the stands threw a sex toy on the court. The first incident happened on Wednesday in Atlanta, while the second happened on Friday in Chicago.

• 1:41:56Speaker 02

  Sounds like they're trying to pump it up.

• 1:41:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're trying to get you excited. Indiana Fever guard Sophie Cunningham shared on her social media her concerns about people throwing these NSFW items on WNBA courts with an ominous warning, "You're going to hurt one of us."

• 1:42:11Theo Von?

  And what are they throwing? Let me see. Um, yes, and it's...

• 1:42:14Speaker 02

  I saw a picture.

• 1:42:15Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:42:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:17Theo Von?

  And then what is it? Okay.

• 1:42:26Theo Von?

  Okay, we don't get to see it hit the court, though. Somebody, first of all, great accuracy. And that lady kicked it just into the stands, which seems crazy.

• 1:42:45Speaker 02

  That doesn't even make sense.

• 1:42:47Theo Von?

  That second one, I thought, I mean, that second one was, that was a great shot. Oh, 35 to 70 bucks. So somebody's, you know, that's, you're not just screwing around out there.

• 1:42:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, somebody's putting some money into it.

• 1:43:01Theo Von?

  I mean, it is kind of wild, I guess, to, but first of all, I'd embrace it if I'm the WNBA, right? I would shoot those things out of a t-shirt candidate during Pride Month or whatever.

• 1:43:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I mean, if, if things get wild and people start tuning in, that's great. That's good money, you know? You don't want people to get hurt. And I guess that's disrespectful, but it's like, yeah, make, turn the negative around.

• 1:43:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, let's put a positive spin on it. I mean, that lady was excited. And I don't know if that's AI, it could be AI. It's allegedly a picture of a woman. But that's an attractive lady who is very fired up. And then maybe you make it like a, there's one minute during the game. It's almost like where they throw the fish on the ice.

• 1:43:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's like this, there's like, if somebody hits three three pointers in a row, they hit a hat trick.

• 1:43:50Speaker 02

  They throw a catfish on the ice.

• 1:43:52Theo Von?

  Or they, you know, they trolling sex toys out there, bruh.

• 1:43:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, make it like, you know, like a pom pom, you know, how like, like in Mississippi, they have the bells. Isn't it like one, like Mississippi State has the bells, the cowbells?

• 1:44:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:05Speaker 02

  And then like, you know, you have pom poms and you have different, you could have little vibrators. So, yeah, just a bunch of vibration.

• 1:44:12Theo Von?

  Welcome to the hive. Call your place the hive or whatever.

• 1:44:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:44:16Theo Von?

  We're buzzing tonight.

• 1:44:19Theo Von?

  And then you also have, yeah, like if somebody hits three three pointers in a row, everybody, uh, throw a dildo out there, you know?

• 1:44:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:27Theo Von?

  You know, bounce a plastic heck off the floor, whatever.

• 1:44:30Speaker 02

  And then you see people taking them home with them after the game.

• 1:44:33Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. Look.

• 1:44:35Speaker 02

  Like I bought a $20 ticket. I took home a $40 dildo. I made money here.

• 1:44:42Theo Von?

  Some kid has a collection in his room from like, you know, I don't know. I mean, look, I think you have to embrace it. You don't get free advertising like this a lot. And Caitlin Clark's out. She's been injured half of the season this year, almost or not half, but a decent amount. So you need people to tune in. I don't know.

• 1:45:03Speaker 02

  Hey, you gotta get those viewers.

• 1:45:04Theo Von?

  TBD, man.

• 1:45:05Speaker 02

  We're all trying to get views out here. We're doing what we gotta do. If somebody starts throwing dildos on the stage at my show and it gets people into it, I say, let's do it.

• 1:45:13Theo Von?

  Okay. You heard him, guys. You heard him.

• 1:45:16Speaker 02

  Only if it gets people into it. If it's not driving sales, then we gotta shut it down.

• 1:45:20Theo Von?

  But dude, you telling me a t-shirt cannon full of five or six dildos and they just popping them bitches off? People are catching them in the stands? That's fucked.

• 1:45:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:29Theo Von?

  There's a way to do it and there's a way not to do it, guys. We're just helping you think. But yeah, yeah, I think the WNBA can embrace more like lesbian style stuff or [BLEEP] tactics, people call them.

• 1:45:39Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:45:40Theo Von?

  You know?

• 1:45:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:41Theo Von?

  And, uh, we don't have to call them that. What else? Oh, comedian Matt Rife buys home of couple who inspired The Conjuring, becomes guardian of the haunted Annabelle doll. This is interesting.

• 1:45:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've seen this. This freaks me out. I feel like I'm your, I'm your friend at the top of the wishing well now. This is freaking me out.

• 1:46:01Theo Von?

  I didn't know about this. Matt Rife is pivoting to, to the paranormal, at least when it comes to his new pad. The standup comedian has bought the former house of Ed and Lorraine Warren, the ghost hunters who inspired the couple played by Patrick Wilson, and Vera Famie, Famisia, Familia, and The Conjuring franchise. I've officially purchased Ed and Lorraine Warren's home and occult museum. Where is that?

• 1:46:23Speaker 02

  I don't know, but I saw him talking about that this morning, and I like him, but I think this is scary.

• 1:46:29Theo Von?

  It's interesting.

• 1:46:30Speaker 02

  Freaks me out for him.

• 1:46:32Theo Von?

  Ed and Lorraine Warren's famous house, which includes the occult museum and the artifacts featured in many other investigations, is located in Monroe, Connecticut. The museum housed in the basement and a separate outbuilding at this location, contains many allegedly haunted and occult items collected by the Warrens. Um, the museum was closed to the public in 2019. As of recent years, the property is not open to the public due to zoning restrictions. Visitors are strongly discouraged. Wow, how much did he pay for it? How much does something like that cost, I wonder?

• 1:47:02Speaker 02

  You like that? You, are you into like this kind of like paranormal stuff like this?

• 1:47:07Theo Von?

  I mean, I don't know if I would want to sleep around that or encourage another portal to hell to be open in my life.

• 1:47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:47:17Theo Von?

  I just think there's already a lot of dark arts going on out there. And I do not know if this is the other type of behaviors we need.

• 1:47:24Speaker 02

  It feels like he's going, this is going pretty well. Let's try to mix it up a bit.

• 1:47:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, you're, and he also has a shirt on that says God's country. So maybe he's trying to get in there and refurbish some of what they're doing.

• 1:47:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe so.

• 1:47:36Theo Von?

  Insane announcement, I've officially purchased Ed and Lorraine's home. I'm incredibly honored to have taken over one of the most prominent properties in paranormal history.

• 1:47:46Speaker 02

  The other guy's shirt says, "Rise Above Fear." I mean, maybe they're, yeah, they're trying to.

• 1:47:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:51Speaker 02

  Try to turn it around.

• 1:47:52Theo Von?

  They could be the new Bieber and Carl Lentz.

• 1:47:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't know what they did, but.

• 1:47:58Theo Von?

  Bieber and Carl Lentz, where they, they kind of had joined up and just had a relationship, I think that part of it was based on their, both of their religious.

• 1:48:05Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe so.

• 1:48:09Theo Von?

  What would you buy if you could buy something like that? Or if you just like spent money on something wild?

• 1:48:12Speaker 02

  See, I like land. If I could just buy a lot of land.

• 1:48:16Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:48:17Speaker 02

  Cause land is so expensive now, but it's so, so valuable. I just love to buy a lot of land. I'd like to have, you know, a lot of woods and mountains and creeks and water.

• 1:48:28Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:29Speaker 02

  Or we could just, me and my kids could just get on the four wheeler and just ride around out there or just walk and explore. Get some animals, get some, I went to a, a, um, a museum and, or not a museum, like a, a eagle thing in, uh, outside of Gatlinburg where they have like a lot of eagles and falcons and owls.

• 1:48:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, birds.

• 1:48:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, love that stuff.

• 1:48:49Theo Von?

  God, yeah.

• 1:48:50Speaker 02

  I'm all about it. I want to build a food forest. You know, where everything in the forest is all fruit bearing, food bearing, uh, you know, vines and trees and bushes.

• 1:49:02Theo Von?

  And would it become like a pass through for starving people? Like what, what's the strategy kind of behind it? Or just to have it for yourself?

• 1:49:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, just so, you know, me and my kids and family could, and my wife could just go eat fresh fruit and vegetables all the time. I mean, maybe if you're starving, yeah, you'd walk through there too. Get yourself some food.

• 1:49:19Theo Von?

  Dude, that's awesome. I'd, I'd stop through there if I was really hungry. I would come by there.

• 1:49:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's nice. I would like to have a, um, a place like that. If I get a family and stuff, I'm gonna get me a little bit of land, get me a dog or two.

• 1:49:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:33Theo Von?

  Maybe a cat. I don't know. Fucking, who knows? That's crazy. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not getting a cat. But I will try to get something nice, but I love that, dude. But would you buy, if you could buy something like, Matt must really be into the paranormal, I'm guessing, cause this seems, that's definitely unique. Unless they partnered with Matt, this is the thing you have to realize about advertising. They may have just partnered with Matt, let's put this article out and let's reva, let's make this museum really pop, you know?

• 1:49:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:49:59Theo Von?

  Who knows?

• 1:49:59Speaker 02

  Could be.

• 1:50:00Theo Von?

  You just never know. But, I mean, that's how advertising is.

• 1:50:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, do you? I'm trying to think of what I would buy.

• 1:50:07Speaker 02

  Maybe like a small castle. You ever seen like, I don't know, I think that'd be fun. Little have a little, you know, like a whatever they call it, a little, I don't know what you call them, one of the sides of the castle or kind of has the round thing that goes up. Have a little tower up there, have a little.

• 1:50:23Theo Von?

  Yeah, what is that called? It looks like a rook in, in a chess.

• 1:50:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, put a little perplexity on it, all round part of castle tower.

• 1:50:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like that's what I'm talking about. A drum tower.

• 1:50:39Theo Von?

  Drum towers, yeah.

• 1:50:41Speaker 02

  I'd love to have something like that.

• 1:50:42Theo Von?

  God, that would be nice.

• 1:50:43Speaker 02

  Little castle walls, so you have to go through a door, but the inside's a little courtyard and you could have, so you're protected, but you could still have a little village inside. Get a bunch of my friends to come live with their families.

• 1:50:54Theo Von?

  God, it'd be fun. Yeah, I wouldn't mind being part of a commune or something one day.

• 1:50:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:59Theo Von?

  Or group living where you just live off the land and you're kind of.

• 1:51:02Speaker 02

  I'm into that too. People get so negative about it, but I'm into that.

• 1:51:05Theo Von?

  I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

• 1:51:07Speaker 02

  I think that'd be great.

• 1:51:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:08Speaker 02

  You don't want to be like a, a cult, but close to it.

• 1:51:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, I think they only get negative about it. It often gets pinned, I feel like, on white people too. It's like,

• 1:51:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:51:17Theo Von?

  I don't think, if white people, if they're not being racist, they can support other people like themselves. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

• 1:51:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, and I just think it'd be fun to just have a little community where you're like, you know, you're all, you're like, one person does this, one person does this, and then you trade.

• 1:51:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, like I'm the shoemaker or whatever.

• 1:51:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:51:35Theo Von?

  Like, I'll make you something.

• 1:51:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're repairing your shoes and your boots, and one person's really good at cooking, and one person's good at farming, one person's good at, you know, I don't know, working on cars or

• 1:51:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:47Speaker 02

  raising a horse.

• 1:51:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'll do like the little methadone area if we need it.

• 1:51:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you might need it. Cause people likely will come to the commune and need to, need a little help, you know?

• 1:51:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, you gotta have that area too. Like, oh, I'll meet you over there in the methadone teepee.

• 1:52:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and eventually that's the, the most popular teepee in the place. Now, now the shoes aren't getting repaired.

• 1:52:10Theo Von?

  That's the thing you start to worry about, is how does this all break down? I'm trying to think, I just bought Dustin, I, I bought Dustin Poirier's gloves from his last fight, from his UFC fight.

• 1:52:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:52:19Theo Von?

  Yeah. I wanted the last one so bad, but, um, somebody beat me on eBay or whatever. But I would buy James J. Braddock, something like a memorabilia of his, him from Cinderella Man.

• 1:52:32Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:52:34Theo Von?

  I would buy some memorabilia of his.

• 1:52:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:52:36Theo Von?

  The Bulldog of Bergen, baby. That's who I would buy some of his. I mean, that's just something like a specific thing I would get, you know?

• 1:52:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:52:43Theo Von?

  But.

• 1:52:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. When I was just thinking in reference, like in the same world of a house, like he's bought. So I was just like, that's why I said castle or, but yeah, I mean, if that, I would love just a lot of land. I think it just, because you can just do so much. I got 10 acres.

• 1:52:57Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:52:57Speaker 02

  That I've been doing all these things. I'll be able to build a little swales and put fruit trees and all these different things on it. I've been trying to cultivate it. I'm into ponds now. I want to build a, I want to build a pond at the top. It kind of pumps water from the creek and comes down and runs all throughout.

• 1:53:12Theo Von?

  Wow. And do you have access to a creek?

• 1:53:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. I want to build a lot of water channels.

• 1:53:17Theo Von?

  Do they allow how much water you can access and stuff?

• 1:53:20Speaker 02

  I, well, I've not looked into it because I don't live out there in McMinnville, so I don't know how much I can do.

• 1:53:25Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:53:26Speaker 02

  Right now, but I would, I don't want to steal it. I just want to borrow it and then channel it back to the creek.

• 1:53:31Theo Von?

  I like that. Yeah, I love that. Or borrow it, put a flavored syrup in it, channel it back.

• 1:53:40Speaker 02

  Perfect. Yeah.

• 1:53:41Theo Von?

  Imagine somebody's upstream like, oh, this is nice water downstream. Like, motherfucker, that's sprite.

• 1:53:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, and you're like, you're just out, you think, oh, get a nice drink from the creek.

• 1:53:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Mountain Dew.

• 1:53:55Theo Von?

  That's it.

• 1:53:55Speaker 02

  They think you're making a pun because it's coming from a mountain and you're like, no, this is, this really is Mountain Dew.

• 1:54:01Theo Von?

  Now, if somebody's just peeing in the river, you're downstream of that, that's Mountain Don't.

• 1:54:06Speaker 02

  That's right. That is right.

• 1:54:07Theo Von?

  That's damn Mountain Don't, dude. Uh, oh, this part. Rife noted that he and Castee uh, plan to open the house for overnight stays and museum tours. So you yourself can experience and learn all the haunted history surrounding this amazing place. I think that's cool, man. Matt's a creative guy and, uh, oh, yeah, Elton Castee. He's paranormal guy. Hell, yeah. Fuck him.

• 1:54:32Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:54:32Theo Von?

  Fuck all them ghosts, dude, or whatever, dude. Don't touch them, you know, but.

• 1:54:37Speaker 02

  I'm in the don't touch them camp, but you know, everybody's got to do their own thing.

• 1:54:41Theo Von?

  Well, look, I'm sorry, we, we, you know, I don't know. I don't really want to walk with Satan.

• 1:54:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I'm not into it, but you know, people, you know, somebody's gotta be.

• 1:54:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, to each their own. Yeah, I'm glad it's not me, but I'm, I'm good luck to those guys.

• 1:54:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:54:57Theo Von?

  That's what I say. Um, hot dog spills shuts down highway in Pennsylvania. Commuter's worst nightmare.

• 1:55:05Speaker 02

  Little, little hot dog pun in there.

• 1:55:07Theo Von?

  Yep. W U R S T. Oh my God. Look at all those franks on that freeway.

• 1:55:13Speaker 02

  It's like a WNBA game out here.

• 1:55:18Theo Von?

  Dude, that's the kind of stuff we need.

• 1:55:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Get the news pumped up.

• 1:55:24Theo Von?

  Dude, here's what they do. Now I have a great idea. In the middle, in the middle of the court at halftime, you can hum a, uh, hum a dildo, right?

• 1:55:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:32Theo Von?

  Or H and D, whatever they want to call them. You can chuck a dildo out there. If it lands in that middle area, the middle circle where they do the tip ball in the middle of the, of the, of the court. If it lands in there, you get a free frank.

• 1:55:44Speaker 02

  Free hot dog. Yeah, I love that. That's a good idea. Uh, you know, what they could call, you know, ring a wiener for a wiener or something like that.

• 1:55:54Theo Von?

  Weiner, wiener, hot dog deener.

• 1:55:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. You get a hot dog sponsor, you get some, uh, some dildo sponsors in there. You get it all working out.

• 1:56:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:05Speaker 02

  Everybody's making a little extra money out here.

• 1:56:07Theo Von?

  I like it. And you're feeding the fans, man.

• 1:56:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56:11Theo Von?

  You telling me a lot of these ladies don't want that hot frank?

• 1:56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56:15Theo Von?

  They do.

• 1:56:17Speaker 02

  Well, look at these guys with the shovels though. Imagine your, your day of shoveling hot dogs.

• 1:56:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, lucky dude. Let me get a gander at these guys.

• 1:56:28Theo Von?

  All right. Shrewsbury, PA, a truckload of hot dogs spilled across a Pennsylvania interstate Friday after a crash that briefly clogged, uh, the highway in both directions. Crews were stuck with a job they did not relish. More play on words, rolling up the scattered tube steaks for disposal.

• 1:56:44Speaker 02

  Heavily traveled artery.

• 1:56:46Theo Von?

  Hmm. Oh, another one that, yeah.

• 1:56:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56:49Theo Von?

  Once those leave the truck and hit the road, that's all garbage and it's still pretty warm. Okay, so one guy was upset that they couldn't use them. A front end loader was used to scoop, which also I'm gonna say is what my dad referred to my stepmom as once. So, I'm not saying she got around, but a front end loader was used to scoop up the hot dogs and drop them into a dump truck. I can tell you personally, hot dogs are very slippery, the fire chief said. I did not know that. Okay?

• 1:57:20Speaker 02

  You told me the fire chiefs never had a hot dog? Come on, dude.

• 1:57:23Theo Von?

  Dude, that's their main source of sustenance. If you've ever been to any firehouse, there is always a, um, a crock pot going with a couple of hot dogs in it.

• 1:57:37Speaker 02

  I think he was just like, if this, if you're quoting me, I want you to know I've never touched a wiener before.

• 1:57:42Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of those guys will keep it straight, no matter whatever they gotta do to get it. Four people required medical attention, Daureman said, for injuries that police said were not life threatening.

• 1:57:54Speaker 02

  Hmm. What happened to them?

• 1:57:58Theo Von?

  God. This, hopefully this ends up becoming a 30 for 30.

• 1:58:03Theo Von?

  You gotta know.

• 1:58:05Speaker 02

  Tie it into the WNBA. It's a, it's a, meanwhile.

• 1:58:10Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, Dusty Slay, man. Thanks for hanging out, dude.

• 1:58:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, thanks for having me. This is great. I appreciate it. Yeah.

• 1:58:19Theo Von?

  Congrats on the, um, on Wet Heat. It's out there now. People can go watch it. Um.

• 1:58:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's on Netflix. It's streaming. It's hot. It's a good special. It's not a time waster.

• 1:58:36Theo Von?

  No, it is not. People love it. And they get to know you too. I think you have your own kind of pentameter, your own sort of, uh, style. I mean, most comedians do, but I think you really feel it here, you know?

• 1:58:47Speaker 02

  Thank you. I modeled this hat after this one I'm wearing right here. See, this is a Kodiak wintergreen, so I can't really wear this hat, but that one on my head there modeled after this one.

• 1:58:58Theo Von?

  Oh, they wouldn't let you wear that one?

• 1:58:59Speaker 02

  Well, I think that we were just worried about it.

• 1:59:01Theo Von?

  Yeah. They'll keep it safe. And is this a hat that, is this your merch?

• 1:59:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:59:05Theo Von?

  Oh, that's beautiful. What does it say on it?

• 1:59:07Speaker 02

  It says, "All right, all right," you know, because I say, "all right," and then my name.

• 1:59:11Theo Von?

  I love it.

• 1:59:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:59:12Theo Von?

  Have to order me one of those. Um.

• 1:59:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, go ahead and order me one of those hats. So I can have one to wear some time.

• 1:59:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a limited edition, that hat. Because the stripes cost more to put on.

• 1:59:25Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:59:25Speaker 02

  So it's limited edition.

• 1:59:28Theo Von?

  Well, let's get it. We'll take one. I like it.

• 1:59:31Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:59:31Theo Von?

  Thank you for my coffee mug to Miss Slay. And yeah, thanks for all the comedy, dude.

• 1:59:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I appreciate you. This is great. Your podcast is great. I think you're the best podcaster. You're the funniest guy on podcasts that exist, and this is great. I'm happy to be here.

• 1:59:49Theo Von?

  Oh, that's nice of you, dude. I appreciate it. I thought you like, you know, I thought you really carried the load today, but I thought it was super easy for us to chat and hang out, you know, which I thought was really nice. Didn't feel like we were lifting any heavy lifts, you know?

• 2:00:00Speaker 02

  No, I felt great. I had a good time here. I mean, I've watched you on podcasts for a long time and the, I still think that there's a, there's a video of you that circulates through my TikTok sometimes of you doing comedy in a retirement home and you're doing jokes about your dad and it is in front of these really old people. It's, it's the funniest stand-up. It's so good.

• 2:00:24Theo Von?

  Well, thanks, bro. Thanks for the compliments. Um, when your land, whenever that land, when those fruit trees are ready, shit's gonna get, could shit could get weird in the world. So you and I might be out there making TikToks together and selling fruit.

• 2:00:35Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 2:00:36Theo Von?

  And if that's what happens, then I'm, I'm, I'll be happy to work right there side by side with you. Um, and we gotta get to Charleston and do a show, dude.

• 2:00:43Speaker 02

  We should. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's great. Charleston's great. I mean, it's changing all the time. It's growing, but it's still great.

• 2:00:49Theo Von?

  We should put it together.

• 2:00:50Speaker 02

  We should put it together. Yeah.

• 2:00:52Theo Von?

  Do that for later this year, next year. Um, Dusty Slay, thanks so much, dude. Uh, are you touring somewhere this week or right now you're just letting the special rock?

• 2:00:59Speaker 02

  Uh, I am, I am touring. Uh, dustyslay.com's got all my, uh, all my dates, but I'll be, I'm starting in Huntsville, Alabama, and then I'm all, well, I'm doing the Comedy Store on the 5th. I don't know when this comes out, but I'm, I'm in Huntsville, Alabama on the weekend, Atlanta, and then I just, it just starts from there.

• 2:01:16Theo Von?

  Okay, great, dude. Yeah. A lot of places you can see him. Dustyslay.com, uh, for his tour dates. And, uh, yeah, man, thanks for the time, brother.

• 2:01:24Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:01:52Speaker 03

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