Holding Comedy Grudges | Patreon Episode (FULL)

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley get into Grudges! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  What's going on there fuckers and welcome back to another exciting edition of them hot motherfucking feelings. I'm your host, the Bugman.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Hey, just you just hear crawling?

• 0:15H. Foley?

  I like the Bugman.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Bugman's good.

• 0:16H. Foley?

  It suits me a little bit.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  I keep forgetting.

• 0:18H. Foley?

  It started out as the big man, then it came to the Bugman.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  I want to, uh, I want to introduce it more to the public episodes, but I keep forgetting. In, interior, you're the Bugman.

• 0:27H. Foley?

  I am the Bugman. Chukukuku. My co-host, doesn't have a nickname, real lame-o.

• 0:37H. Foley?

  They call him the exterminator.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  And I'll kill myself.

• 0:42H. Foley?

  Kevin Ryan, everybody.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  What's up, gang? Shout out to the motherfucking-

• 0:45H. Foley?

  Kevin James Ryan, three first names.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Shout out to the motherfucking-

• 0:48H. Foley?

  Triple loser.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  My bad, I should go by H. That's cool.

• 0:53H. Foley?

  It is cool.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  No, what's up? I'm H.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  Ever tell you Maria Heineck-

• 0:57Speaker 01

  H stands for hemorrhoid.

• 0:59H. Foley?

  What? Maria Heineck made fun of me at an open mic?

• 1:02Speaker 01

  No, but I wish I was there for it, cause his story stinks.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  It was, I guess you had to be there.

• 1:08H. Foley?

  I was fresh on the scene, from Philly, and I was at an open mic. Half Moon Bay Coffee Shop, somewhere in Brooklyn.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  I think I remember that. Was that like a all, was that like a music mic too?

• 1:19H. Foley?

  Nah.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Okay, sorry. She goes, "Man, you really yes end, don't you?"

• 1:24H. Foley?

  Nah, it was an open mic at a, at a coffee shop. We had the back room. It was on Tuesdays.

• 1:31H. Foley?

  Four o'clock.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Man, we used to stink.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  Ah, doing those open mics that first year, I wanted to blow my fucking brains out.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I remember going to Otto's shrunken head. Do you remember that, please?

• 1:44H. Foley?

  It didn't work.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  That was my opener every weekend.

• 1:48H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 1:49Speaker 01

  It's not bad.

• 1:51H. Foley?

  Yeah. If it wasn't for Tuesdays with Stories, I probably would have killed myself a long time ago.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  It's you guys we have to blame. What did she say?

• 2:01H. Foley?

  Who?

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Maria.

• 2:03H. Foley?

  Oh, she pulled my name out. She's like, "H Foley." She's like, "God, why did he was every, cause it's when Louis CK was popular."

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, when he was popular. Like, he's like, "He's just struggling now." He's on like a fucking intergalactic tour.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  They say it's his best hour. Um, and she's like, she's like, why did, why did guy comedians use their initials or something like that? I never told you this?

• 2:28Speaker 01

  No, but I, I'm on her side. I know Maria.

• 2:32H. Foley?

  So then I went, yeah, sweetheart, very funny comic. Um, she was right to make fun of me. So then I-

• 2:39Speaker 01

  You didn't like that?

• 2:40H. Foley?

  No.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  You did. I find, I find-

• 2:42H. Foley?

  I, I wasn't a fan of the scene at the time either.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  If I know the bug man.

• 2:46H. Foley?

  No, the bug man did not like it. My antennas were up. So I went later in the program.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Calling a swarm. Have this place crawl with locusts in a few minutes.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  Get some weevils in here that'll turn this place upside down. Cause I'm the bug man.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Couple of roly poly's come a linter.

• 3:05H. Foley?

  That scare ya. Oh, you like a silverfish?

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Oh, yikes.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  Um, anyway, uh, I went later in the program and I did my set, you know what I mean? But I had this in my pocket. And I was like, oh, by the way, about my name, my, uh, my name comes from, uh, uh, I was named after my grandfather. My dad had this, uh, wooden plaque that my cousin made that hung over his, uh, thing.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  An open mic? A comedy open mic?

• 3:34H. Foley?

  And then I told this fake story about my dad's buddy dying in his arms in Vietnam. And, uh, and he said, uh, if he, if you ever have a kid that grows up to be a comedian, make sure he uses H Foley. And if some broad starts running her mouth at an open mic, tell her to mind their own fucking business. Murdered.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  No way.

• 3:51H. Foley?

  Murdered. Whole place went nuts.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Is this reality murder or H Foley murder? Okay.

• 3:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  This is not broadcasting me and you murdered.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  Nope. Murdered. Killed.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  How many people were there?

• 4:04H. Foley?

  About 20.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  All comics. Get them laugh.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Comic comic. You are. Hey, favorite comedian, favorite comedian.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  And from that day on, I was accepted into their ranks. And the rest, as they say, was history.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  I remember, uh, the early, so that, uh, the, the, the open mic game was a bit of a system you had to work. It was a game.

• 4:25H. Foley?

  Oh, what, he tell war stories now trying to one up me?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  This is what it's like, gang. What it's like. You know, we have an hour to fill. You share a story, I share a story.

• 4:37H. Foley?

  I had an action-packed weekend, dickhead.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Okay, we'll get into that. But it was at the Alligator Lounge. Remember that place on 14th? Well, now, maybe...

• 4:45H. Foley?

  Is that the place that sold pizzas?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, you got a... You bought a beer, you got a free pizza.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  I tell you, anywhere there was a pizza, this guy found it.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Oh, really? Guy who's fucking 488 pounds?

• 4:56H. Foley?

  I'm not 488 pounds.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  What are you... Okay. All right, moving on. I'm not... I'm not gonna be that guy.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  I am not 488 pounds.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna be that guy. I'm moving on. Trav, hit me?

• 5:06H. Foley?

  If I lose 15, I'll be around there.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Retract that.

• 5:11H. Foley?

  Yes. Fact-check that.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Redact that.

• 5:14H. Foley?

  Call him out. Trav. Fenderburg.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, so for the listener, Foley doesn't... How long has Trav worked for us? Three years?

• 5:23Speaker 02

  At least... At least two.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  At least two years. Coming up on three years, I would argue. Foley does not know...

• 5:29H. Foley?

  I don't know Ryan's real last name.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  You don't know his last name. You don't know Trav's last name. But before this, you were going, "I'm a real... Trav's mom... Trav's real friend."

• 5:38H. Foley?

  You're my boy. We're gonna go see Superman together, aren't we? Tickets are on me, Trav. I'll get the popcorn the whole night.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Before he... He was paying for both of you to go?

• 5:48H. Foley?

  No.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  We're gonna go see it together. And you can't come.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  That's all right.

• 5:52H. Foley?

  Luke, you're more than welcome to come.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 5:55H. Foley?

  I don't want you there.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  What's Luke's name?

• 5:59H. Foley?

  Francis Dempsey.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  There you go. What number?

• 6:02H. Foley?

  Third.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 6:03H. Foley?

  Second.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Fourth. Nope.

• 6:05H. Foley?

  Seventh.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 6:07H. Foley?

  Sixth. Who gives a shit?

• 6:12H. Foley?

  The fifth.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:14H. Foley?

  The fifth.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Louis Francis Dempsey the fifth?

• 6:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, God. Man. Goes all the way back, doesn't it?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  I'm doing all right.

• 6:20H. Foley?

  Did you come over on the Mayflower? My cousin...

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Down below.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  My cousin by marriage, she always tells people that her family came over on the Mayflower.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:29H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  No Irish person.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Sucking...

• 6:32H. Foley?

  More like the silver bullet train, huh?

• 6:36H. Foley?

  The Coors.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 6:37H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  So go ahead, so you're on an open mic-

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Nah, I don't wanna tell this.

• 6:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're on an open mic at the Alligator Lounge.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  You were there, probably.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  Uh, sure I was.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Knee-deep in pizzas.

• 6:46H. Foley?

  I never had pizza from there, excuse me.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Um, but you would buy a beer, you'd get a free pizza.

• 6:51H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Little personal banger.

• 6:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Um, what are you doing?

• 6:55H. Foley?

  Scratching my ankle.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Oh, god.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  And we're back.

• 7:03H. Foley?

  You have to cut?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Um...

• 7:06H. Foley?

  I didn't get it. Ah, there it is. Sometimes I think I have bedbugs.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Fuck. You've been bugged, man.

• 7:18H. Foley?

  That's how I got my superpowers.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Been bugged by 5,000 bedbugs at the same time?

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Uh, no, whatever, and I was, uh, I remember putting my name in, and then, like, you put your name in the bucket. Remember that was a bucket, so you put, everybody writes on a little piece of paper, but they would rig the bucket.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  For their fucking dickhead buddies.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I didn't know.

• 7:40H. Foley?

  They all sucked.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Well, this one, it was, ended up being a friend of ours, done the show, Suba Argwall.

• 7:45H. Foley?

  Suba ran it.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  No, but Suba popped in and then just like-

• 7:48H. Foley?

  Suba was the king of open mics back-

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Suba was the fucking, she was, she would do 50 mics a week.

• 7:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Everybody loved her, she was very funny, very hardworking, so people would go like, "Okay, Suba, you can pop in and go up."

• 7:58H. Foley?

  Always.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Because you're, she was such a mover and shaker.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  She always moved and shaked.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Based on her merit, not anything, I didn't, you know.

• 8:04H. Foley?

  Unlike you.

• 8:11H. Foley?

  This is hard feelings.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 8:14H. Foley?

  Hey, pal.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  I got nothing, I got nothing but love for you.

• 8:16H. Foley?

  I love you too.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:17H. Foley?

  See you biting off my water.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  Your water, you biting off my water. There was one word you said correctly in there, and it was off.

• 8:26H. Foley?

  I don't trust the pH in this.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  You have fecal matter in your pants at the moment. You don't, you don't trust the pH.

• 8:33H. Foley?

  How do you?

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Actually, you're not wearing underwear, so.

• 8:37H. Foley?

  I'm not.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  It's probably on me too.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Thin layer of gabberdean. Whatever, but that was when I realized.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  That the fix was in and they weren't pulling up, they weren't going by the honor system. Because it was like, I don't, I don't want to name his name, but whatever. It was a, and I remember going, oh, fuck this guy.

• 8:58H. Foley?

  Those were always so scary.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  Because it was like him and like, the first 18 people were all his bullies and then all left.

• 9:05H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  And then they would go up early and leave and then it was me fucking six pizza and six beers.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  And what those comics didn't realize at the time is that they had two deranged psychopaths.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  How you doing?

• 9:20H. Foley?

  The list started back then.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  It did, and I still don't like the guy. I was trashing him this weekend. That one brought his name up. I said, fuck that guy.

• 9:28H. Foley?

  They don't even think that we remember it.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  They don't. They think we're friends. I see them, go, hey, how you doing? I go, you had no close to doubt how close you are to death, my friend.

• 9:37H. Foley?

  Made fun of me for having a four slice. I'll kill ya.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  I also imagine taking you like eight months to figure it out, like way too long. It was like sitting there, I was just like.

• 9:47H. Foley?

  Wait a minute.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Again? Again, the same 14 people went up in a row and left me?

• 9:53H. Foley?

  They'd all come in with their pens and their notebooks and bouncing jokes off each other.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  I remember being.

• 9:58H. Foley?

  Where you at now? Some of them are doing very well.

• 10:04H. Foley?

  They're actually all great guys.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Uh, I just remember going like, ah, whatever. Okay. Hey, it's the system. It is what it is. We've ran shows in Philly. I get how that works. It's whatever.

• 10:14H. Foley?

  We did it honorably though.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Then they would all leave and you would just have to fucking, so now I'm like up there delivering jokes to like fucking, you know, Ryan D and Scary Jerry. And I got fucking nothing going on. And like, they're like, you know, it's just you and the mutants at table nine left. I'm going, I'm a goddamn fucking working comedian here.

• 10:31H. Foley?

  Is that our first mention of Scary Jerry?

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Yes, I think so.

• 10:34H. Foley?

  Gang.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Let's, we'll pitch it to, so we'll, so as you know, you've met Ryan D. Ryan D. is a long-term buddy of ours. Uh, started off doing open mics and stuff with them, banging our way through the village and, and the East Village at that as well. Multiple different sectors of the village.

• 10:50H. Foley?

  And Ryan D. had a crew of flunkeys.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  That...

• 10:55Speaker 01

  We would, they, he would, so Ryan was like our straggler guy. And then Ri- like, you know, then Ryan introduced... He would always cut, he would show up with a re- the most ragtag bunch of guys.

• 11:07H. Foley?

  Yeah. Asian Phil and Scary Jerry.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Asian Phil and Scary Jerry.

• 11:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  And Scary Jerry is...

• 11:15H. Foley?

  A character.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  One of the most, I mean, we've known him for what, we've known him for a decade. The whole, the whole time we've been in New York, he's been in our lives.

• 11:21H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Uh... We were, you know, and Ryan still hangs out with him, a good amount. Ryan still sees him, I would argue, weekly. They talk, whatever.

• 11:29H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. They're boys.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  They're boys, so he was sharing some Scary Jerry stories with us, where we, we were like, we, should we have him on the show or not as a, you know? We'll probably have him on a Patreon episode. That's, we, that's the idea we're kicking around, is to introduce Scary Jerry. I haven't seen him in a long time.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  No. But he's still Jerry.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  He's still scary.

• 11:51H. Foley?

  Still scary.

• 11:55H. Foley?

  An interesting fellow, an interesting mix of garbage.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, very much so.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  Truly someone that could be studied by aliens in the...

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, very...

• 12:03H. Foley?

  In the near distant future.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Very unique, specific kinda boy.

• 12:06H. Foley?

  Yes, yes. An interesting subject.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  That's all I would say. So maybe, maybe one day soon, you'll get to meet Scary Jerry.

• 12:12H. Foley?

  Is that the rest of the story at the Alligator Loom?

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was just me realizing the fix was in.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  And I think that's a pubic hair, to be honest with you.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Oh, look at me.

• 12:21H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Your fly's down. And you keep... And you're not wearing underwear.

• 12:24H. Foley?

  You, you keep it shaved, so I know it's not you.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  I'm hairless.

• 12:28H. Foley?

  Ew, are ya?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Does that gross you out and turn you on? You tell me, Chubbsy.

• 12:34H. Foley?

  It grosses me out and turns me on.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  That's what turns me on, I'm so grossed out. I like it weird. Uh huh. Um, yeah.

• 12:42H. Foley?

  Should we get into the weekend?

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Sure. I got one, one or two little things that I wanna, this, this was maybe last week. I forgot to bring it up. I, it was insane. I, I, you know, we're leaving here one night. I, I, I, I call up my Uber, right? Guy's out front waiting.

• 12:59H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  And, uh, it was a few minutes or whatever, you know, I was like, maybe we were waiting to take, you know, whatever, we're all leaving.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  Gets scary down there, doesn't it?

• 13:07Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Scary? Um, and, uh, I get in the car, right? Old Eurasian man.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Like a SUV.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  I've seen him.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Um, and I was a little longer. I think like, I pull up and maybe he was expecting me to be right there, but we were, we were up here and just whatever. Took like maybe three minutes to get down there. So I get in and did you ever get in the vibes are weird? Like I just got in, I'm like, he's acting weird. He like moved around real quick and I'm like, what the fuck? And he's.

• 13:41H. Foley?

  Is he jerking off?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  No, he was peeing in a bottle.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Which they do. They pee in bottles and then pull over and dump it out. That's my suspicion because I saw a bo, I saw a bottle get shoved into the side real quick. And he was, he was fixing his jimmy.

• 13:58H. Foley?

  And you know a bottle of Riptide Rush when you see it and it ain't yellow.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I was like, what? But it took me a minute. We stopped pulling, I'm like, this motherfucker was just peeing in here. It, I felt so violated.

• 14:10H. Foley?

  Did it smell like pee in the car?

• 14:12Speaker 01

  But then I started thinking, I'm like, that's pee, but I, I was, I was in my head at that point.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  And then I go.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  Probably drinks a lot of green tea. It's probably flushed out.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's probably, you know, it's probably all antioxidants.

• 14:22H. Foley?

  Shoo, little ginseng.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  Um, but it was just one of those things where I'm like, that doesn't feel right. But I just rolled with it and lay.

• 14:30H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It is what it is. I've been in a public restroom.

• 14:33H. Foley?

  Sure. Did you get a look at the piece?

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Nah, he was, I think, cause well, what happened was I was walking across. I was waiting for the cars to pass and I went like this. And that's when I saw him frantic. I think he was, he had to cut it off mid-stream and yeah, put a cork in his becker.

• 14:47H. Foley?

  Very interesting.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:49H. Foley?

  Wow. Man, I would have fucking bugged out. I would have got out.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  I, anyway.

• 14:55H. Foley?

  Got in the front seat.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Hey, Vito.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  You know.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  So, uh, let's get into this big weekend you had. I heard big weekend, lot of plans. I had some plans with you that you fell through, didn't connect, didn't really...

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Hard feelings is, you know, aside, that's not how you handle canceling plans on a man.

• 15:20H. Foley?

  I'm sorry? You're saying I didn't do it right?

• 15:23Speaker 01

  I would feel that way, yeah.

• 15:25H. Foley?

  Really?

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 15:27H. Foley?

  You think me saying, "Hey, I'm in," and then a couple hours before saying, "Hey, I can't make it?"

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Well, it wasn't until I texted you, "What time are you going?" So a friend of ours was having people over, texting me and Foley in a group chat.

• 15:39H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I was in chat. "Hey, what time? Oh, cool. Sounds good. Sounds good." So then noon rolled. We're supposed to be there at 3:00, maybe 11:00 or noon rolls around or something like that. No word from you that you're not going, which I feel as a friend, if you know three hours before you're supposed to be...

• 15:55H. Foley?

  I knew the week earlier.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, then why don't you tell me?

• 15:58H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you're... That's bad. When you're lying to him and me.

• 16:02H. Foley?

  I'm not lying. I...

• 16:03Speaker 01

  You knew you weren't going and saying you're going.

• 16:04H. Foley?

  I have every intention on going. I want to go, but then when it, you know, push comes to shove, I don't know.

• 16:12H. Foley?

  Something, you know, they don't want me there or something like that goes through my head.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  You mean, I... Okay, yeah, but it's like, we made the plans with you.

• 16:21H. Foley?

  Right.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  We were taking... We were weighing in the options. The three of us made the plans. That was because of the three of us.

• 16:30H. Foley?

  Oh, you think?

• 16:31Speaker 01

  A hundred... I mean, 100%.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  It was me, you, and him was the impetus of this thing.

• 16:39H. Foley?

  Right.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  And then I think you're going the whole time. You don't indicate that you're not going. So then I think it was like 12:45 or something. I was like, hey, I'm like getting ready. I'm mapping out, all right, I'm leaving, you know.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  And I go, "What time you going?" And then you lied. You went, "Ah, I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it." Which, when I heard that, I was pretty sure you were sure you weren't gonna make it.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  I had a lot going on.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  And I go, "What are you doing?" And it gets back to this thing, which we were breaking your balls. I think the last two weeks, you're like, "I got a lot of stuff to do around the apartment." And I hit you with an LOL, which lets you know, "Kebbe don't play that shit."

• 17:14H. Foley?

  Right.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. I left it at that. I think I called you gay and then said LOL.

• 17:19H. Foley?

  Something like that.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. So what was the big to do? Because one of the things you needed to do was get a grill, which we've just found out you did not do.

• 17:27H. Foley?

  No. I didn't get the grill yet.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Need to do laundry.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  You didn't do laundry?

• 17:31H. Foley?

  I did do laundry.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  No, you didn't, because you're in pants right now because you don't have underwear.

• 17:35H. Foley?

  I, okay.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Because you said, "I didn't do laundry." So you didn't do laundry.

• 17:38H. Foley?

  Slow down, slow down. I didn't do clothes. I did the beddings. The beddings are done.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  You have two beds.

• 17:46H. Foley?

  Yeah. So you gotta wash the duvet covers individually, then you have to watch the blankets individually, and then all the sheets.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Okay. You had four days.

• 17:59H. Foley?

  Right. I didn't just do laundry.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  I'm asking what else you did. You started off with laundry. I'll give you four hours.

• 18:06H. Foley?

  This weekend?

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Who are you?

• 18:10H. Foley?

  So my girl, she was away again, and, you know, I was home with the cat. So I gotta watch the cat.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  No, you don't have to wa- you don't have to sit there and actively wa- I'm sorry? This is some tough love. I'm putting my foot down on this.

• 18:23H. Foley?

  Cat's gotta be fed twice a day.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Okay. So I have a dog.

• 18:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Who needs to be walked three or four times a day.

• 18:31H. Foley?

  Right.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I have a fucking 100-month-pregnant wife who can't do it. I'm doing it all.

• 18:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 18:39H. Foley?

  What's your point?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  That your excuses are not- you have to watch the cat? Who's watching the cat right now? No one. No one's home.

• 18:46H. Foley?

  There's somebody there.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Who?

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Travis.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Travis. What's his last name?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:54H. Foley?

  He's over there. Thanks Trav for watching the cast.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I gotta put my foot down. These bull, these bull cocky lies ain't gonna work.

• 18:59H. Foley?

  They're not bull cocky lies, so...

• 19:01Speaker 01

  It ain't the bull cocky truth.

• 19:02H. Foley?

  Okay, so, yeah, so, yeah, I...

• 19:05Speaker 01

  I know, you're dead, you're dead to rights, everybody knows.

• 19:07H. Foley?

  I flaked out on the, on the, on the event, alright, whatever. I procrastinated a little bit this weekend, but I had a, I had a nice weekend by myself. Uh, I did, I did a lot of cleaning, I did a lot of organizing, I threw out a lot of clothes, I read a script, I watched some movies, I got some good night sleeps. Uh, Saturday and, uh, Monday morning, I went to the gym, okay, didn't go Friday or, or, or Sunday, but I went and did my little old workout that I used to do, my, uh, my weightlifting and stuff like that.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Shake weight.

• 19:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, I did that.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  It arouses you.

• 19:43H. Foley?

  I ate well, I got good night sleeps, you know, I was just kinda doing my thing this weekend.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:51H. Foley?

  That's what I did. I did the laundry.

• 19:56H. Foley?

  I threw some stuff out, I started cleaning up the upstairs again.

• 20:01H. Foley?

  Moving some stuff around.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna sound like a dick, you listed five hours of stuff out of, out of a hundred hours.

• 20:07H. Foley?

  I'm doing it at my pace.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  That pace doesn't work for anybody. Do you, are you not getting that? Like, you gotta get out of this.

• 20:13H. Foley?

  I'm allowed to what? I can't, I can't be at my house?

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Not for fucking five days straight. You shouldn't be at your house. You should be up doing more stuff, socializing.

• 20:21H. Foley?

  I was out.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  Where'd you go?

• 20:23H. Foley?

  I had to go to the store. Went to CVS.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Okay, ball condoms, fingered my asshole.

• 20:31H. Foley?

  It's funny I did do that Thursday night.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  I'm so, I'm sore as shit back there. Okay, yeah, we just choose to see it differently, I guess.

• 20:42H. Foley?

  So, the one thing I did do, so, one issue is, uh, so, there's a couple of things that I have to get done. There's a...

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Which we already found out you did not get done.

• 20:51H. Foley?

  There's a slab upstairs, okay?

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Slab of bacon.

• 20:56H. Foley?

  I took care of that. There's a slab upstairs. That's crooked. So that's gotta get fixed. Alright. Then down-

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Are you doing that?

• 21:06Speaker 02

  You can't fix that.

• 21:07H. Foley?

  No, I know. No, I can't.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  So what are you doing? Who's doing that?

• 21:10H. Foley?

  Super.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:12H. Foley?

  But he kept, he kept canceling on me.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:14H. Foley?

  So. The other thing-

• 21:17Speaker 01

  I thought he was there last week fixing stuff.

• 21:19H. Foley?

  He was, but the plumber wasn't there that day.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  The plumber's gotta fix the slab?

• 21:23H. Foley?

  No, he was supposed to do that, he didn't do it.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Okay. Now this guy sucks too.

• 21:27H. Foley?

  We all kinda suck.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  I'm picking up on that. You got a fucking bozo team trying to do- I just picture another fat ass motherfucker. You guys laying there eating chips, not fucking working on anything. That's what I picture. You're both canceling plans with your best friends. You know what? I can't make it. I got stuff to do. I did the sheets.

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Did do the sheets.

• 21:50H. Foley?

  What'd you do?

• 21:51Speaker 01

  I did, I did everything.

• 21:53H. Foley?

  What?

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I do, our house is, our apartment is completely ready for the baby. Packed.

• 21:58H. Foley?

  So's mine. Mine's all organized and clean, except for a couple of things.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Your, all of your underwear. None of that is clean.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  And he even said you threw out clothes, probably because you didn't wanna do the laundry.

• 22:10H. Foley?

  What are you laughing at?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  I'm killing with diesel.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  Fucking diesel's peeking in. You can hang out scary Jerry.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Tough love, baby. Tough love. Well, I just like, perspective wise. I understand you're going through some stuff.

• 22:23H. Foley?

  I'm not going through some stuff anymore. I'm on the mens. Everything's cool. I'm doing good.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  Things are good.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  I would, I would argue. The, the amount of stuff you did over the weekend.

• 22:35H. Foley?

  I had a nice, relaxing weekend at my home. I went out. I did some stuff. I went to Home Depot.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  What'd you get at Home Depot?

• 22:44H. Foley?

  I got a snake and I got some drain cleaner.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Why didn't you buy the grill when you were at Home Depot?

• 22:48H. Foley?

  I was too much of a project.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  You were there?

• 22:52H. Foley?

  I didn't have the car.

• 22:56H. Foley?

  I had the car.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Why? That would be my next question. Why? You're going to Home Depot.

• 22:59H. Foley?

  The missus had the car.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  What kind of Uber did you take?

• 23:04H. Foley?

  Uh, it was a Highlander.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Pretty big car.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  That is a pretty big car. They also have delivery.

• 23:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, I didn't think of it. I do things compartmentalized.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  No, you do things schmartenly. And I'm sorry, I have to try to fix it. It's insane. It's proper insane the way you can.

• 23:20H. Foley?

  I wasn't there yet. I wasn't focused on that yet. So I went to Home Depot.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  First of all, you've been trying to buy a grill since you moved into this apartment.

• 23:27H. Foley?

  That's not true. I had a, I have a grill.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Then why are you buying a new one?

• 23:30H. Foley?

  Because that one stinks. It's electric and I got people coming to the house. And I gotta, I gotta move some.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  I gotta move some diesels. I got some dogs that need to get on the grill.

• 23:41H. Foley?

  I'm trying to get a grill to save a little money when everybody's here. So, you know, we're cooking out and stuff like that. We're not doing fancy dinners.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Why don't you just say you spent like three grand on Yankees tickets and you're worried about saving money? I don't, I can't get, whatever point you try to make, you've conversely told me the other point.

• 23:56H. Foley?

  Well, you can only, you can only do one thing. You know, I'm not, I'm not spending that money on Yankees tickets and then, and then doing a bunch of big dinners too. We're gonna eat at home.

• 24:07H. Foley?

  Family.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:08H. Foley?

  Plus her momma do a lot of the cooking.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  There's always something going.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  It's all obachi.

• 24:14H. Foley?

  There's always something going. Just cooking. It's great.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Healthy stuff too. Asian food.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:22H. Foley?

  Tempura.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  A lot of rice.

• 24:27H. Foley?

  Lot of rice. Um.

• 24:31H. Foley?

  So. One of the issues is there's something clogged up in the, in the tub.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  This has been going on a minute. You have to, you have to, I'm not, me not breaking your ball, me breaking your balls aside. This, you've, this thing's been snaked. There's been plumbers. There's been supers. There's been super bad plumber. Everybody, it sounds like everybody but fucking Super Mario Brothers is going down his pipe.

• 24:54H. Foley?

  Well, they checked them off the list because I took a shot at it yesterday. And that was a mistake. It was a big mistake.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  What'd you do?

• 25:03H. Foley?

  I went to Home Depot, I got a snake and I got this drain cleaner. That's supposed to be like the serious business.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Did you buy any of them snacks at the checkout? Cause I'll do that, cause you don't feel like they should be there and then they're there. I think I got you dead on. You got some Rolos or something, didn't you fat ass? They always got something where you go, "I haven't seen this in a minute." And it feels so out of place. It's that same thing at a Staples. You're like, "Ooh, treats."

• 25:25H. Foley?

  They got Rolos and the movie sized Twizzlers.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  You can't tell me shit, dawg. Can't say no. Alright.

• 25:33H. Foley?

  And I got my own gun.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  What? Oh yeah. I'm fucking.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  I feel s- I- I feel, this is always, I was talking to Diesel about this. I feel so cool when I- I'm doing other people's jobs. You know what I mean? If I'm ever like, that's why I like being like backstage at a-

• 25:53H. Foley?

  I'll go grab that grill.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Snake my drain. I feel like cool, I always, when people get to go other places. I was like when I was working for my dad, he would be at like, even if it was like an Acme, but I get to go in the back and up on the roof. It's like that, I like that uh,

• 26:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  That fucking covert access.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  It's a good feeling. And I know you're busting my balls, and I know socially I haven't been that great, but I have been, I have been making strides personally. On my own. I have. And I had a, I had a good weekend. I look back on this weekend and I'm, I'm pretty proud of it, to be honest with you. I, I did do a lot of stuff around the house. I did go to fucking Home Depot. I did run some errands. I did spend some time with myself. I did some thinking. I read a script. How long do you think it took me to read that script?

• 26:40Speaker 01

  I don't know, how long is it?

• 26:41H. Foley?

  It took me fucking three days. You know how dumb I am?

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:45H. Foley?

  Do you know how-

• 26:46Speaker 01

  I don't know, have you seen the show?

• 26:47H. Foley?

  Do you know how long it takes me to read something? I had to literally break it up into two hours a day. Where I sat for two hours and read it every day.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:55H. Foley?

  It's the first time I read something all the way through. From beginning to end.

• 27:00H. Foley?

  I snuck and read the back first.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:02H. Foley?

  See how things end up for me. See what kind of sex scenes we're looking at.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  There are none!

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Okay. Alright.

• 27:11H. Foley?

  Tell me. So anywho, so I go over to Home Depot, no snacks. I get a snake and I get the drain cleaner. I bring that back to the house.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  That's, you don't just say you went and got, you bring it back to the house is not a thing in the list of what you did that day. It is understood, you went to the store, whatever you bought at the store, you brought back to the house.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  Right.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  You list that shit to make it sound like you're doing stuff and I will not stand for it.

• 27:35H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  The buck stops here.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Then I had to open my door and push the button on the elevator. And you know, that gets stuck sometimes. Then I gotta get out. I gotta find my keys. I jiggle the key. I don't know what key it is.

• 27:54H. Foley?

  You know, I met this morning, I met a, I met a pretty cool guy that lives on my floor. Guy Francisco, real good, good looking, real outgoing guy. He, he, he like, he meed me in the elevator.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  What's that mean?

• 28:07H. Foley?

  Like normally I'd be like the, hey, how are you? You know what I mean? Whatever. In the elevator. He did that to me.

• 28:14H. Foley?

  He's like, he's like, I'm Francisco, by the way, I live in, uh, you know, whatever, whatever. And I'm like, oh, I'm Henry. I live, uh, whatever, whatever. And he's like, I was like, my, I was, he took me so-

• 28:24Speaker 01

  You're the man with all the Uber Eats.

• 28:27H. Foley?

  He-

• 28:28Speaker 01

  How many people live in your apartment?

• 28:29H. Foley?

  He took me by surprise because he goes, I live in, uh, you know, whatever, whatever. He's like, where do you live? And it took me a second to remember what my apartment number was. And he's like, I'm guessing since you couldn't remember the name of the apartment that you just moved in. Now the back of my head, I'm like, is this guy an asset? Like what this guy's? Is he pulling some CIA mind trick on me or something like that?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  No, he's talking to a 50 year old man who can't remember what apartment he's in. He's going, I hope you just moved in, otherwise you need a helmet on.

• 28:56H. Foley?

  I said I was tired. I was like, ah, I'm tired, sorry. Um-

• 28:59Speaker 01

  I read.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Nine pages today.

• 29:03H. Foley?

  No, it was like a hundred and forty page script. Long, the feature.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  They have crazy page breaks in those.

• 29:11H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 29:11Speaker 02

  There's like thirty words a page.

• 29:13H. Foley?

  No, that's not true.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  It was a hundred and forty minute feature?

• 29:17H. Foley?

  Yeah. That's right.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Well, okay.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Any special effects, probably get a one forty-five.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Lot of character description in that. Ninety minute.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? That's hard for me. I haven't read in a long time.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  I'm proud of you.

• 29:32H. Foley?

  Thanks.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 29:33H. Foley?

  Dick. Um.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Tough love. This is Boot Camp Kippy. Listen, when this kid comes, I'm cutting the cord.

• 29:40H. Foley?

  I don't need Boot Camp Kippy and you take care of the kid. I'll take care of myself. I am taking care of myself. You paint me at this picture like I'm some loser. Which I'm not.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Now, you're a real cool guy.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  Just trying to fucking do me. A little solitude. Think, get my head straight.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  Working on me.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Okay, man.

• 30:03H. Foley?

  Alright?

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  I ain't get any Uber Eats.

• 30:09H. Foley?

  So anyway.

• 30:11H. Foley?

  So I get back from Home Depot. I got all this stuff with me. I go upstairs.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  You go upstairs. Yeah, you open the door, you go upstairs. Listen, guy, knock it off.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  So. The tub. Is what's wrong with it. So there's hair clogged in there somewhere. Alright? But then also, the last time they fixed it, they took the, they took the, the stopper out. And it's this weird like tooth looking thing that goes in and up to the drain, up to the, the, what's it called? The access thing? The spillage thing?

• 30:41Speaker 01

  The clean out.

• 30:41H. Foley?

  That's what it's called? What's it for, by the way? Does the tub don't overflow?

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes, but a lot of times a clean out will, you can open that up and then get into the pipe.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  Here we go.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's to clean out the pipe.

• 30:53H. Foley?

  So when I was trying to go in through the thing on the floor of the tub, I wasn't hitting anything. And I had a pretty long snake. And it has that thing on the, on the end.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do. Huh? That's what they all say. I work the walls.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Can't get the clog, work the walls. Use your tongue! You're damn right.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  You're licking the clean out?

• 31:17H. Foley?

  Rubbing with my finger.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 31:19H. Foley?

  Anyway.

• 31:21H. Foley?

  Uh, so I get nothing. So it's getting a little late.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Can I, can I ask a, and do a genuine, honest answer? How long is that first try? Cause I know, and I'm not, this isn't me. This is me knowing how long I would try that. And also me knowing you. And I'm more on your side with it. How long is that first try, Jen? Are you at it for 20 minutes? Are you going, you give it 90 seconds or?

• 31:44H. Foley?

  No, no, I, I mean, I, I, it didn't hit anything. It went, it went in and it wasn't hitting anything.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  And then when I cranked the thing and pulled it out, nothing came out, except for like a little brown water. Like it looked like grease or something like that. So I remembered the last time that, that they were in there fixing it. That he took that thing off.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:03H. Foley?

  And I'm like, it's one screw. How bad could this be? So I go and get the drill. Take that thing off. There's four more screws under there and like another plate. And I'm like, fuck. And everything's all rusted. The one screws like ripped away, like, uh, what's it called?

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Uh, stripped.

• 32:25H. Foley?

  Yes. But the drill, I got, I have a fat head on the drill. That took care of it. So I got that off and then I went down that way and still nothing. So now it's all taken apart. I have the drain cleaner in there. Which I didn't realize this says six to eight hours. She's gonna be home any minute. All right? I still got the, I still have the sheets from our bed in the dryer. All right?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  So you're behind the eight ball on the chores is what you're saying?

• 32:53H. Foley?

  I'm a little behind the eight ball.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  She got back on Sunday.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  This shit, she, I love it. This isn't me saying, she was expecting this stuff.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  She said the same thing.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  To be done. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Right? If I had to guess.

• 33:08H. Foley?

  I mean.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  At this point.

• 33:10H. Foley?

  She don't know about the script though.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  5,000 pages was a fucking... This is the new Hobbit movie? Fuck. Uh...

• 33:21H. Foley?

  You're... I'm taking over Kate Blanchett's part.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Being the guy, I've been in this position. You're going.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  I always curse myself, "Why the fuck didn't I... Why the fuck didn't I do this earlier?"

• 33:32H. Foley?

  Why the fuck didn't I do this?

• 33:32Speaker 01

  Because now you gotta dig out, you gotta... She's gonna be upset about one of the thi... One of the things is really... Because you can only lie about... I've been working at this dream for... That you can buy because there's no real... She don't know when you started, she don't know how many fucking attempts you did.

• 33:50H. Foley?

  And I wa... I wasn't even...

• 33:52Speaker 01

  The she... The sheets in the dryer's a bad look.

• 33:54H. Foley?

  I wasn't even supposed to do this... To... I... I thought I was taking the initiative. It's like I've been trying to get the super up there for how many weeks? Alright? He's supposed to come on Wednesday. And like, I... You know, I... Someday I was like, "You just go, why don't you do it? You got nothing to do. Go and take a shot at it." I thought I was fucking, you know, taking the initiative.

• 34:14H. Foley?

  But I fucked it up. I couldn't get the screws back on.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 34:17H. Foley?

  And I just got all these metal parts in the tub. And I was plunging the tub, so now the tub's filthy. The sheets aren't done.

• 34:27H. Foley?

  So I'm like, "As long as she comes home and doesn't want to take a hot shower or lay down, I'm good."

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Which after a long, arduous journey, people love to hit the treadmill. She wants to take her little shoesies off, get a nice hot shower going, lay in bed.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  That's... That's not possible from what I'm picking up.

• 34:48H. Foley?

  No.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 34:49H. Foley?

  And it's... It takes a lot longer...

• 34:50Speaker 01

  You got two bathrooms or one?

• 34:52H. Foley?

  One. It's nice though.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Doesn't sound it.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  I gotta be honest with you. Sounds like a fucking porta potty.

• 35:02H. Foley?

  It's a nice joint.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  If I... You use this bathroom a lot, if I can extrapolate what I've learned about this bathroom...

• 35:07H. Foley?

  I had already cleaned the entire bathroom.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  To your bathroom, it still smells like urine.

• 35:11H. Foley?

  No, I had already...

• 35:11Speaker 01

  It smells like a homeless person.

• 35:12H. Foley?

  I had already cleaned the entire bathroom.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  It still smells.

• 35:15H. Foley?

  No, not that one. I haven't touched that.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  I know, but Diesel cleans that one and it's still sma... You... You put a lot of pee out there and don't get it immediately? That stuff lingers. Do you have to, literally?

• 35:27H. Foley?

  I really

• 35:28Speaker 01

  The goddamn cream berries.

• 35:29H. Foley?

  I really cleaned the bathroom and I really cleaned the

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Is that the cranberries?

• 35:32H. Foley?

  Yeah. Are you done with behind the music? I'm tanking over here.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  I know, and I have a lot of joy in it. Fucking.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  So I can't get this one screw back on.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  God damn it, how much is that? Fuck, god, shit. There's screws falling down the drain and shit.

• 35:48H. Foley?

  It's funny you mention that.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, it all does.

• 35:50H. Foley?

  I got a hole, big hole in the drain.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Family wants a plumbing company, you know how many fucking screws I dropped down?

• 35:55H. Foley?

  So when I take that first screw off, I'm like, all I gotta do is not let this fucking thing fall. But it's all wet and it's slippery. And it, it, it took a lot of pressure to undo it, but once you like undid it once.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  It comes out.

• 36:13H. Foley?

  It slid right out.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  But those are just like surface level, those are like finishing screw, that's not.

• 36:18H. Foley?

  So when I pulled the screwdriver out, that thing fell right in the hole. But it's not that deep. So I had to go in there digging to get it out. And I got it caught underneath something. So that took me a while to get that out of there. And I got that.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  That my lunch came. You gotta stop it. Take, I got, I'm guaranteed, the union guarantees me an hour lunch break and four cigarette breaks.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  I'm not smoking. So, yeah, so then the bird got home.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  What ballpark hour is this?

• 36:48H. Foley?

  It's maybe 10 o'clock.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  At night? No, you are jammed the fuck up, dude. You don't have the bed made at 10 o'clock at night and you're dropping screws down the drain?

• 36:58H. Foley?

  I had the sheet on it. I had the fitted sheet on it.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Doing a duvet, doing a duvet at 10 o'clock at night, fucking sucks. Me and my wife getting so many fights.

• 37:10H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  A Sunday night duvet cover, I'd blow my fucking brains out.

• 37:16H. Foley?

  Whatever fucking dickhead invented the duvet cover

• 37:19Speaker 01

  It sucks.

• 37:20H. Foley?

  Should be taken out and have their fucking head chopped off.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  You didn't grow up with duvet covers, did you?

• 37:24H. Foley?

  Get the, blankets, motherfucker.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, comforters.

• 37:26H. Foley?

  Blankets. We, we never had comforters, it was always blankets.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  We had the real thin ones.

• 37:31H. Foley?

  The first comforters we got, we talked about, were the ones that had the shredded plastic in it. Like the wired plastic.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, ours were like.

• 37:38H. Foley?

  The shitty ones.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  This, this is like.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  That they do is just, they wouldn't even fall around you.

• 37:43H. Foley?

  No.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  They would stay up.

• 37:44H. Foley?

  No.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  You really had to wrap your feet up.

• 37:46H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  To create a barrier.

• 37:48H. Foley?

  And the wind would whip right through that shit. Yeah, that's.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  It was like a brawny paper towel. Those things, fuck.

• 37:54H. Foley?

  But this is, and, and I like the feel of, uh, of a nice comforter without a duvet, cause it's nice and cool. When you lift it up and it goes between your legs and you put it down, you get that nice and cool feeling to rub your piggies together as you're going night, night.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  So this is your excuse of, I love a non-finished duvet.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  That's not an excuse. I genuinely like that. And plus, all the hot chicks.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Did you try to sell that to her at 10 o'clock at night?

• 38:18H. Foley?

  I tried to sell this to her when we moved into the house.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  It was just so you know.

• 38:22H. Foley?

  But the duvet cover that she has is really soft and that's real cozy.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  So you gotta get your arms in there. You gotta tie it around the cor- I literally look at my wife every time and I go, I'll fuck, I wanna kill, I wanna kill myself.

• 38:36H. Foley?

  She starts yelling at me?

• 38:38Speaker 01

  And she starts la- she laughs at me and that kippy don't like that.

• 38:41H. Foley?

  I do it good. She don't do it good. She always gets it screwed, screwed up. What I get messed up is the fitted sheet, cause it's a California king, so it's kind of a square. So you can't really, you know, like on, on regular beds, when, if, if you do it the wrong, if you do the fitted sheet the wrong way, you know right away, cause it just doesn't reach across. This one kinda does. So I fucked that up.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  You can always tell by the tag though? There's gotta be something.

• 39:04H. Foley?

  There's one tag on it. It says bread or something on it. I don't know what it says on it. I thought it was supposed to be at the bottom. But mine was on the side. So I put that on wrong.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Big weekend you had, huh?

• 39:18H. Foley?

  It's a big weekend.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  It's 10 o'clock and you don't even have the fitted sheet, right?

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Fitted sheet's wrong at 10 o'clock.

• 39:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Duvet, no du- no go.

• 39:26H. Foley?

  The fucking, the bathtub looks like C3PO. It's just fucking, just metal everywhere.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  How much time's left on that dryer?

• 39:34H. Foley?

  Uh.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  It's been done for about eight hours, if I had to guess.

• 39:38H. Foley?

  Well, here's the thing.

• 39:42H. Foley?

  Alright, you put all those-

• 39:43Speaker 01

  It didn't, it's not like she walked in and went, "Bam, perfectly worn blanket for my baby."

• 39:48H. Foley?

  No, it was, I'm not an idiot. I know that if it was, if it was bone dry, I would've hit it again. I hit it a couple of times, but I had to, because again, these fucking duvet covers, they get mixed up with the sheets and it looks like a head in a duffel bag.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  I know, it's like they're breaking out of jail with these things, they're making a rope.

• 40:05H. Foley?

  Fucking crazy.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  I had to do it this morning.

• 40:07H. Foley?

  I don't understand what happens in the dryer, how it gets tied up like that.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  And then the middle's wet.

• 40:12H. Foley?

  And then I gotta pull it out and I gotta fucking undo it like I'm a hobo in the back of a train to try to get the fucking pillowcases out of there. Put that back in, start drying that.

• 40:23H. Foley?

  But I got all the stuff back on minus this one screw, which she still doesn't know about, because I couldn't find it. I'm gonna blame the super when he comes on Wednesday.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Sorry, this is a fucking, fucking setup job you're doing on this guy. This poor bastard.

• 40:35H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Now you got diesel involved in all that too.

• 40:39H. Foley?

  I got diesel involved in it.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Got blood on his hands.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  He played patsy, "I don't know, it wasn't even air."

• 40:44H. Foley?

  Which I know a lot of that sounds pathetic to, to, to the real men out there, but, you know.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  I mean dude, there's guys listening like, fuck you. They're like pipe fitters. They work eight hours, they come home, they got four kids, they put the kids to bed. You're losing a screw and lying to your wife about the sheets.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Canceling plans with your friend.

• 41:07H. Foley?

  She was not impressed with the script either.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  A little pedestrian she thought, a little redundant.

• 41:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, but, that's what I did. Oh, and then, I told you a little bit of this outside, excuse me. She gets back, sorry. She gets back, now, I don't understand this.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  You got a lot you don't get.

• 41:31H. Foley?

  I'm kind of a, I'm, I'm kind of a big wig in the building, I think.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Fabrizio didn't even know ya.

• 41:37H. Foley?

  Who's Fabrizio?

• 41:38Speaker 01

  What's his name?

• 41:39H. Foley?

  I didn't know him.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Well, I wouldn't, I don't think he's claiming he's a big wig.

• 41:43H. Foley?

  Good looking kid. Cooler than me for sure. He definitely had his sheets done too.

• 41:50H. Foley?

  Anyway-

• 41:50Speaker 01

  You gotta clean all the come off him, dumping clips.

• 41:53H. Foley?

  Sheet, though this is how I worked my way around it.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  I just picture this dude be a stud.

• 41:59H. Foley?

  You assume he's having sex with my wife?

• 42:01Speaker 01

  No, no, no, you are, but I'm not. I, I'm assuming. I'm assuming he's just having sex with a lot of ladies.

• 42:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Or one lady who's very attractive.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  I'm sure.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. Or a lot of hot guys, whatever it is, he sounds like he's fucking doing his job.

• 42:17H. Foley?

  He seemed pretty good. He was kinda chewing something when he got in the elevator and he kinda made it cool. Yeah.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Oh, he going, what are you doing here?

• 42:23H. Foley?

  Like a protein bar or something like that, yeah. He really had me.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  I kinda run a building. If you need anything, let me know. That's what I'm saying to you. Meanwhile, you think you're a big wig in the building?

• 42:33H. Foley?

  Well, I greased the fucking-

• 42:34Speaker 01

  I'm the guy who fucks all the chicks in the building. If you see any broads moving, let me know.

• 42:38H. Foley?

  Wait, I'm saying this or he's saying this?

• 42:39Speaker 01

  He's saying that. Not you.

• 42:43H. Foley?

  Yeah, well, I'd kinda do the grossing out in the, in the building.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Make sure your Uber Eats drivers don't leave the food out front. I'm gonna take it.

• 42:49H. Foley?

  Oh, I didn't tell you this. I fucking, I, I told you outside, but I slashed my fucking toe open. Deep. I probably should've went to the emergency room, but I didn't. I just sucked it up.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Real man like you.

• 43:00H. Foley?

  Real man like me. It's that-

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Was this in the, was this in your contracting phase?

• 43:05H. Foley?

  This is when I was making the bed.

• 43:07H. Foley?

  This is when I was making the bed. So my box spring has those, has those metal things. And she's cut herself on it too. And I, I fucking dragged my foot across it. And you know, it's weird that-

• 43:18Speaker 01

  You got a box spring?

• 43:20H. Foley?

  A box spring. I have a box spring.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Really?

• 43:23H. Foley?

  I have a metal box spring. Or no, it's wood now. It's the wooden slats.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  That's not a box, wait.

• 43:29H. Foley?

  The box spring is the, is the box spring. It's the mattress under the mattress. That's the box spring.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of those are phased out.

• 43:36H. Foley?

  No, I have one.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 43:38H. Foley?

  Yeah. And then I have a metal, I have a metal frame, bed frame.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Like the ones from like- That's like, that's like jail shit.

• 43:47H. Foley?

  What's yours?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Wood.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  Cloth, yeah, like-

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Cloth? Wait, yours is clo- oh, yeah, yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  The headrest and, yeah.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, his is wood covered in cloth.

• 43:55H. Foley?

  No, mine's old school.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  You have, is it on wheels?

• 43:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  No, uh-uh. That's what you got?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  It's like a dorm room.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. It does, it comes in two pieces and folds out and you make the square and hook the hooks?

• 44:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  That's what you're banging on?

• 44:11H. Foley?

  That's what I got.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  What do you spend your money on?

• 44:13Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 44:14H. Foley?

  Helix sent it to me. I think.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:17H. Foley?

  Or maybe my mom sent it to us. Somebody sent it to us. Yeah, what that's what I, what do you got?

• 44:23Speaker 01

  I got a wooden one.

• 44:24H. Foley?

  A wooden one?

• 44:25Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  What do you mean a wooden one?

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Like a nice, I'll show you what I got.

• 44:30H. Foley?

  A wooden one? And you have the comfy thing all the way around?

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:34H. Foley?

  I had that in my old apartment. Our rooms are small.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  We have like this. You have a California king, your room can't be that small.

• 44:42H. Foley?

  It is.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Oh man, you are a fucking dirtbag.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  I can't fit on her side of the bed.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  To get in?

• 44:52H. Foley?

  I don't go in that way.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, what I'm saying, to get in bed, you couldn't get in that bed?

• 44:55H. Foley?

  I have to squeeze in between that and the air conditioning unit.

• 45:01H. Foley?

  And you have the cat tree at the foot.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  I gotta get eyes on this apartment. It sounds like it's like where Kramer's Boys live or something.

• 45:07H. Foley?

  It's like those stairs where you go up and you fall.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  You keep coming, you can't tell if you're going up or down. Your whole apartment's an optical illusion.

• 45:18H. Foley?

  I didn't know that was trashy.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  I don't, I mean, a guy like, I mean, you got, listen, I'm not judging it, I've had it, but...

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just, I was shocked.

• 45:31H. Foley?

  Slipped my foot open.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that thing will get you.

• 45:34H. Foley?

  Ah, and it was one of those, it was one of those things where you can't tell if it just hurt.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  Or it's bad.

• 45:39H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  There's like a minute of, you don't know.

• 45:42H. Foley?

  I was, so that was right when she had gotten in, so... That happens, I sit down, I'm, I can't get up, because I'm just gushing blood. And I'll just get blood all over the carpet and all that stuff, and then I'll...

• 45:53Speaker 02

  Gotta do the sheets again.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  God forbid, gotta clean a carpet.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  Like, I'm, I'm bleeding, like, I'm heavily bleeding. And there's a huge chunk out of my toe.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Part of you think you're gonna bleed out, no one's there?

• 46:07H. Foley?

  So I was praying for it.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  You start drinking beers to thin your blood out?

• 46:13H. Foley?

  I hop into a warm bath.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:18H. Foley?

  No, what I'm worried about is that, I gotta keep an eye on it, I don't wanna get infected. Big guys that happens to. My toe gets infected, next you know, chopping off my foot. I don't want that shit. Walking around like Davy Jones.

• 46:33H. Foley?

  Pirate. Anyway. I call her and I'm like, "Hey, how close are you?" She's like, "I just pulled in." I'm like, "Alright, listen."

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Supply bath up here. Save yourself, huh?

• 46:45H. Foley?

  I said, "You gotta come up, I'm bleeding."

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Start looking for a pair of crutches or a wheelchair, something to really sell this while the chores, why the chores aren't done. Babe, I don't wanna ruin your trip.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  I got those fake bullet holes all over the.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Make it look like there's a burglary. You start ripping the drawers out, fucking dumping them and shit. Babe, it was a home invasion. I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna ruin your trip.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Punch myself in the. No, it wasn't like that, I couldn't get up. I didn't wanna get blood everywhere. Uh, so she's like, "Somebody's parked in our parking spot." Again. That was my point.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Listen. This has been an ongoing thing, people parking in your spot.

• 47:26H. Foley?

  Parking in my spot!

• 47:27Speaker 01

  You think you're a big shot, you are the bitch of this place.

• 47:30H. Foley?

  Bitch of the building.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Bitch of the build, you're the bottom bitch.

• 47:33H. Foley?

  Well, this is what happened.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  I'm getting passed around like a loose joint.

• 47:36H. Foley?

  She gets upstairs, she's tending to my foot, I was like, "Just wrap it up so I can, I can move." Because she's like, "I can't park," so I'm like, "Just park right in front of them." Fuck them, park right in front of them. And she's like, "I have something else to tell you," and I'm like, "What's up?" She's like, "No, it's nothing with us, but I think there's a dead cat downstairs." And she don't like that, like the kitty cat in the parking garage.

• 47:57H. Foley?

  So, um, she's like, "It could've been sleeping, but it was in the middle of a parking spot."

• 48:02Speaker 01

  A knife in its back.

• 48:08H. Foley?

  Gun in its hand.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  I did this.

• 48:15H. Foley?

  And you know what sucks is I could've swore I heard a kitty cat meow from outside.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Just say cat.

• 48:20H. Foley?

  I, I could've swore I heard a cat meow, meow from outside. On Saturday. And I wonder if it was that cat like on its last legs, it was maybe like a year old, it was sad.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I don't know. Bad part of town like that, there's probably a lot of strays.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Probably is on drugs or something. Got mixed up with the wrong crowd.

• 48:51H. Foley?

  Anyway, she's like, I hope it was sleeping.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Did that give you some distraction from the befuddled chores?

• 48:59H. Foley?

  A little bit. I said, I'm gonna go take care of the car. You finish making the bed.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Thought you put on a pot of pasta or something for us.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  I've been eating all day. Okay.

• 49:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  Alright, that's, you know.

• 49:17H. Foley?

  I had dinner waiting for her there, because I figured she might be hungry.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Nice of you.

• 49:22H. Foley?

  Some beef and some cabbage that I cooked up.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Beef and cabbage? On the Oregon Trail? Beef and cabbage?

• 49:31H. Foley?

  Like Mushu. It had like a little Asian vibe to it. I had some soy sauce and some sesame. It was nice.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:38H. Foley?

  Some sliced steak and cabbage.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:40H. Foley?

  Cooked down. Some onions. Delicious. Locals.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Cooked down.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  What? I did cook them down.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  Cooked.

• 49:47H. Foley?

  You're telling me I had to cook them down?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  You could've just said cooked.

• 49:50H. Foley?

  Whatever.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Cook them down like it's been this big thing.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  So anyway, I go downstairs. Cat ain't sleeping. He's sprawled out. This is sin. I didn't know what to do.

• 50:03H. Foley?

  So then, I get the car straightened out. I come back up.

• 50:10H. Foley?

  Some words were exchanged. She wasn't the happiest.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  I don't necessarily blame her.

• 50:15H. Foley?

  She was happy. She's like, you did a lot. Thank you. Appreciate it. I just wish the bed would have been whatever. I apologize about that. I got the bathroom fixed up.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  Except for the screw.

• 50:26H. Foley?

  Except for that screw, but she don't know that. It's inside the one screw.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Okay, that's good.

• 50:31H. Foley?

  I just took the screw from the inside, put it on the outside.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Sucker. Get a drywall screw in there.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  It's a nail.

• 50:42H. Foley?

  Yeah, so then this morning, nine o'clock, Supers at the door.

• 50:49H. Foley?

  About the car. He's like, "Sorry about that." The lady who normally parks... It was the car that was where the dead cat was.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Parked in your spot.

• 50:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, she didn't want to park there. He's like, "I thought you guys were on vacation." "It's always my fucking spot."

• 51:04Speaker 01

  I know. A bit building bitch. That's what you are, a fucking building bitch. I got one of you, I abuse the shit out of him, little building bitch.

• 51:14H. Foley?

  Do you?

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Fucking flex on him and shit. Read his mail before he...

• 51:17H. Foley?

  Flex on me, pussy. What'd you say?

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Read his mail before he does.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  That's I've also, I also had a very productive weekend. We have finally... I was telling Luke, we are finally 100% ready.

• 51:36H. Foley?

  For the baby.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  For the babes. We have, um... Just because you have so many, it's boxes.

• 51:41H. Foley?

  Why don't you come on over and finish these sheets for me?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  I make my bed.

• 51:44H. Foley?

  So much time on your hands.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Uh, we, because there's just so many boxes of, you know, there's fucking diapers and this and that and the, the, the stroller and the bassinet and, and the fucking this and the that, like, there's a hundred things. And then it's all, you don't want to fucking, you can't really open it, so we've had a spot in our kitchen, like a kitchen or a... Breakfast area, whatever. There's like a little room next to... Yeah, it's a, it's a room. Um, where we've just been like, it's been in the...

• 52:12H. Foley?

  Is it in the kitchen?

• 52:13Speaker 01

  So it's like the kitchen where you cook.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  I gotta get eyes on your place, too.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  And then there's like a big, well, a room probably a little smaller than, than like this.

• 52:22H. Foley?

  Have I been in this apartment?

• 52:23Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 52:24H. Foley?

  For like a second, maybe?

• 52:25Speaker 01

  I don't think so. That was the old one.

• 52:27H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 52:28Speaker 01

  You can, we did it, we used to do, we did an episode of Hard Feelings there. I remember you walked in and fucking started trashing it right away, right away. I was so proud. First lease I got on myself, dude. I got on a lease myself in New York City. I felt like fucking, I felt like the, the king of the city.

• 52:44H. Foley?

  No, not the one that you used to Airbnb at. I feel like I was in this one.

• 52:48Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 52:49H. Foley?

  Maybe you weren't there.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  Ain't that. Pregnant wife.

• 52:58H. Foley?

  Sorry for banging the table.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  I, uh, it's just like, we finally got everything. Our bags are packed, or this, or that, we're fucking, everything's

• 53:07H. Foley?

  You're ready to go.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  And it's just, I walked in, I went, everything's, everything's back and it's, I mean, there's a fucking stroller in the living room, that's just like part of the furniture now.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  It's ready to go, yeah.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  But that's like, I even got that out of the way, it's like off in a corner, we moved some stuff around, it's just like, and I went like, oh, this is good. It's like about to get blown the fuck out, it's just gonna be chaos, but it was a nice to be like, oh, everything's away, everything's taken out of the boxes, everything's assembled, everything's in its place where it will be living, moving forward.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  Can I say this?

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:39H. Foley?

  And I just, I'm just taking this from Cassidy's experience, I don't have any experience with babies or anything like that, no. It, I, I think in the beginning, it stays pretty calm.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:51H. Foley?

  You know?

• 53:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, there's not, it's not like he's like running away or anything.

• 53:54H. Foley?

  No.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the sleeping and the feeding, it's a lot of, yeah, but they're pretty much.

• 54:00H. Foley?

  You guys are all ready to go?

• 54:02Speaker 01

  For the most part, um, yeah.

• 54:04H. Foley?

  Have you been thinking about it?

• 54:06Speaker 01

  It's like hit me.

• 54:07H. Foley?

  It's probably scary.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it's not, not scary, it's very, you go, you're about to do this thing that you can't, the closest thing I would argue is you can wrap your head around is a dog, but that's, I'm not comparing the two, but it just,

• 54:22H. Foley?

  No, I got you.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Oh, here's a new thing I have to take care of.

• 54:25H. Foley?

  Times a billion.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yes, of course. And I remember Hans when I was a puppy, I went to fucking kill myself, we were like three days in, I'm like, this was a fucking mistake, dude. Up all night, he's crying with shit and all over the place.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  So, you know, uh, yeah, no, we're stoked though, uh.

• 54:43H. Foley?

  Why was he crying back then, I forget?

• 54:45Speaker 01

  They do, it's all, puppies are not allowed, like if you, you can't leave them alone, they just cry. If you, I mean, you close your eyes, they start, it's fucking brutal. Sucked. Remember that little rat bastard dude, we had him in the, in that kitchen area, like in the, whatever, and. He would fall asleep. I'd have to be petting him and he would fall asleep and I would take my hand away, super slow. I'd go like one. I'd like count to ten, pull it away and then stand there and I'd stand in front of him for like two minutes to make sure he doesn't wake up. And then I would crawl, like I would, I'd walk like a mannequin, out of the way and I'd turn and I fucking have to loop around, loop around. It would take me, I would go from me to Luke to like the couch and it would take me four or five minutes and I would be fucking,

• 55:30Speaker 01

  I'd be like this and I'd get there and I'd lay down and I'd roll over and look over and he'd just be staring at me. I'm like, "Fuck!" And you'd just start crying again.

• 55:39H. Foley?

  Where's your fat ass going?

• 55:40Speaker 01

  God damn it. Um, I do have a, this is a new take. It's in the city all, I mean like now I'm like, you know, we're just hunkered down, we're waiting so me and the brother, you know, some walks and this and that. It's a lot of time in a neighborhood.

• 55:51H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  It's, it's, you know, some, beginning of summer, people are out and about, running around. I don't like, I so don't want to raise a jerk off teenager. Teenagers, all age, all, from every, I think city teenagers are bigger jerk offs than other teenagers.

• 56:14H. Foley?

  They can be.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Especially New York. New York's whole thing is like, "We're so, uh, uh, uh, uh", like-

• 56:20H. Foley?

  It's the crowd he runs with.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  I know, but just like there's, okay, there's significantly more jerk off teenagers in New York than I would argue.

• 56:29H. Foley?

  But let me ask you this, just play devil's advocate. If I saw you and your cronies over-

• 56:34Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm not saying-

• 56:35H. Foley?

  You would've said, I would've said, "This is a jerk off teenager", but you really weren't.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  I was trying to, yeah, I mean-

• 56:41H. Foley?

  But if I, okay, if I saw you out in front of the pizza place with your skateboard buddies, you might be a dick, but if I came over to your house, you'd be a different kid.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  I wasn't, no, no, no. I mean, like, I would've represented like, "Oh, these kids are dickheads", like if you saw me and Pat or, you know, and whatever, but we weren't, right? Like, I wasn't gonna interact with you in a negative way. If I like, cut in front of you on my skateboard, I would've been like, "Yeah, suck my dick!" I'd be like, "My bad, oh, sorry about that", like, I was, we were polite, but I mean, this fucking group of kids I saw, and I think I saw while we were in the park and I was just like, man, these kids fucking suck. Just like, they were like smoking, it's like a kid's park and like you could just see all the parents being like- You guys are 15 or whatever, like, we're all young kids here, like, I don't care if you're smoking, go something like,

• 57:34Speaker 01

  go under the bridge or something, you know what I mean, like, there's this like-

• 57:37H. Foley?

  Smoking dope?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Nah, cigs or whatever, I don't even know.

• 57:40H. Foley?

  Kids are smoking cigs?

• 57:41Speaker 01

  They were, they were far away, I mean, New York kids ain't-

• 57:44H. Foley?

  Oh yeah. Kids are smoking cigs?

• 57:46Speaker 02

  I would say less than, it was probably if they're smoking, I would think like weed, but-

• 57:48Speaker 01

  I don't know, they were on the other side of the park, but you just saw like, parents like grabbing their kids and like pulling them away, and you're just like, I'm like, did I been a dickhead, but it's like, just go, there's like, woods and stuff, you know, fucking riverside, I just freaking-

• 57:59Speaker 02

  It's New York City.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:00H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Go, eh, hide in an alleyway or something, go on, it's a roof, like, you can get, if you can get on anybody's roof that you're hanging out at, like, all those apart, you can just go up on the roof and do whatever you want. I'm not even saying, don't be a dickhead, just-

• 58:14Speaker 01

  And then-

• 58:14H. Foley?

  Don't beat me up.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Sir, please, um-

• 58:17H. Foley?

  Getting beat up by a kid would suck.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  I was like, really mad at these kids.

• 58:23H. Foley?

  There's a couple fif- I mean, I think-

• 58:24Speaker 01

  I mean, like, I would, there was like, three of them where I was like, that's the one I would have to hit first.

• 58:31H. Foley?

  You instantly go to jail.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  He's be- he was bigger than me, he bigger than me.

• 58:37H. Foley?

  I don't think you-

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Big Irish head, I'm just like, this fucking, looked like a guy, do what you would see on like, first 48 or whatever, like, forensic files, and they cut to like, Jimmy O'Connor, and he's like, you know, fucking the big, like, underbite and the overhang.

• 58:52H. Foley?

  Probably get, probably getting hit at the house.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Prob- and listen, I get it, I get, I, listen, I get-

• 58:57H. Foley?

  You gotta talk to these kids.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  It's more of-

• 58:59H. Foley?

  Outreach.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  It's more of like-

• 59:00H. Foley?

  Level with them on their, on their level. Use terms like cap and no cap. And what's the haps and a vibe and stuff like that, they'll respect you for that.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 59:10H. Foley?

  Ask them about Charlie X C H.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:13H. Foley?

  X C X.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  It's pronounced S E X.

• 59:16H. Foley?

  Selena Carpenter. And the other one, Billy Relish.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  You done with your dad jokes?

• 59:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Johnny Hot Dogs. Um-

• 59:26H. Foley?

  I don't know him. Boone Benson, kid that does the flips.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  Benson Boone.

• 59:31H. Foley?

  Right.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  There you go, you'll fit right in with the kids, um-

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Can I raise you kids up for a second here?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 59:45H. Foley?

  You guys see that Minecraft movie?

• 59:48Speaker 01

  I know Jack Black.

• 59:50H. Foley?

  I don't know Jack Black.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  I know. They're lying to impress them.

• 59:53H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, they wouldn't know that.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Sure. They probably also wouldn't know Jack Black by name.

• 59:57H. Foley?

  You guys think Momoa's a dick too? Hey, you got 12 million for that movie, Jack Black got three. I can't stand Momoa.

• 1:00:06H. Foley?

  Goofy ass motherfucker, wearing those fucking Mad Hatter hats. Fuck out of here.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, be like you.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Do zero chores, piss your wife off.

• 1:00:18H. Foley?

  I really can't say shit about anybody, can I?

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:22H. Foley?

  But I'm gonna.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:00:25H. Foley?

  I gotta get my own house in order before I start talking shit.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know if you'll ever have your house in order, these are thoughts that I've been thinking more recently.

• 1:00:33H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  As you.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Unravel, I think is the term.

• 1:00:39H. Foley?

  I'm not unraveling, man, I'm good.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  I don't think you're, I don't think you're winding up.

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  I'm good. I'm good. I told you this. We had a low point. I'm coming out of it.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Sure. I think it's great.

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  Now back to you getting beat up by these kids.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  No, but like, they were like, they started like fighting, like, you know, and dude, you're in a tight New York.

• 1:01:00H. Foley?

  Started fighting, fighting?

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  Nah, like. A rough house, grab ass, you know. Whatever. But they're fucking grown men, two of them are bigger than me. Like, like I said, like two big fucking. You know, it looks like they belong on a farm in Nebraska, like fucking.

• 1:01:18H. Foley?

  Couple Irish meatheads.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, just some fucking yak, like big. Fucking animals. And they're fucking, you know. And it's like, it's also, it's like, cause they're New Yorkers, it's like the UN, there's like an Asian kid with a, with the, like on the back of the big fucking Irish guy, there's a Dominican kid fucking, it's all, they're all, you know, it's cool to see, cause like, we didn't, I didn't grow up with that, it's just like, they're all just like shitting on each other, it's great. But man, they fucking, they're in like a ball now, and it's like, we're going downhill, like the sidewalk goes downhill, I'm waiting there. Nadine's going in. First of all, I'm trying to eat healthy, right, I'm try, I'm trying, fucking trying. Shooting up, I'm trying.

• 1:01:59H. Foley?

  She's gotta do it to kids.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  She goes, she goes, we were stopped out front of a pizza place. She goes, "Can you run in and get me pizza?" So we stop and get a coffee. I'm like, "I'm gonna get a coffee."

• 1:02:12H. Foley?

  I've never heard of her eating pizza.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  Oh, she love it a pizza.

• 1:02:15H. Foley?

  She does.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  I know it doesn't make sense, but she grew up in Germany. It's all fucking proper Italians. She grew, she lived, her last apartment was for seven years was above-

• 1:02:26H. Foley?

  Was she like a slice of cheese, plain?

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Well, they don't do the cheese over there.

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  Excuse me?

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  They don't do slices. It's all Neapolitan.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Can't order a slice of pizza in Europe, really. It's mostly, you get like the individual pies.

• 1:02:41H. Foley?

  There's no cheese on it, though?

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  They would call it Neapolitan. They wouldn't call it a cheese. You don't get like, you don't order a slice of cheese.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  I thought this was America. No, but she'll do it, she'll do a slice. She don't like the, like, you ain't doing like a buffalo chick, or-

• 1:02:58H. Foley?

  Slice of-

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Slice of vodka slice. I got her on the vodka.

• 1:03:01H. Foley?

  Classy lady.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, just typically a plain. "Can you get me a plain slice?" So she, so I go, I order coffee. She goes, "I wanna stop at, I wanna stop at the pizza place."

• 1:03:10H. Foley?

  Alright, but you gotta fight these kids.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  So I go, "Stop at the pizza place." And I'm, I'm feening. I'm like, I'm having a little bit of the saw, I'm hanging, so I'm like, Once you get it in ya, it's, you're-

• 1:03:22H. Foley?

  Can't smell that.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  You're chasing a dragon.

• 1:03:24H. Foley?

  A pizza place when you're hungry?

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  So I go, "I'll grab, I'll grab a small coffee, take the edge off, skip lunch."

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  You down it's burning hot?

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  It burned my mouse like-

• 1:03:35H. Foley?

  But you know they say that's really bad for ya?

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:03:37H. Foley?

  To drink hot liquids, even when you don't realize it.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41H. Foley?

  It gives you micro-

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Plastics. Wieners, penises.

• 1:03:46H. Foley?

  It gives you micro lesions in your esophagus.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Sure. Um-

• 1:03:49H. Foley?

  That's really scary.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  That doesn't really scare me.

• 1:03:52H. Foley?

  Worry about that shit.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  I know, you got other stuff to worry about. Um-

• 1:03:56H. Foley?

  The sheets, I know.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  My toe. My god, this stuff. Um, they, uh, whatever. So she goes, can, so I'm sitting there and I'm, as I'm ordering the coffee, I'm like, "Don't get a slice, dude. Don't do it. You've been doing so good."

• 1:04:08H. Foley?

  You getting a coffee at the pizza place?

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  No, I'm at a pizza place a few doors down, or a coffee place a few doors down. "Give me a chicken bar."

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  So I'm going, I'm literally standing in line at the pizza place. And I'm like, or I'm sorry, I'm all fucked up at the coffee shop. And I'm going, "Don't get pizza dude, don't do it, fucking stay in the lane, you're doing great, come on, this is, don't fucking do it." And I'm going, "Ah, it's the weekend, you can have..." I'm fucking, I'm devil and fucking angel on my shoulder. And I decide not to.

• 1:04:39H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  After I'm talking, which seems like, what seems like the seven day war in my head or whatever.

• 1:04:47H. Foley?

  You mean the one with Egypt and Israel?

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  I don't know, it was a long time and they didn't like each other.

• 1:04:51H. Foley?

  It was the six day war.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry. Well, it felt like seven up here.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  It was like you trying to read. So, I get out and she goes, "Can you run in and get me the pizza?" I said, "I can't, I can't go in there." I said, "I can't go into the fucking crack house and get you a vial of crack and come out and not, not take a little fuck, little tootskey myself." I said, "You're gonna have to go..."

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  He was out.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  "Give me one of you dough, I'm either throwing the dough in here." So I said, "You go in." So I'm waiting outside the pizza place.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  And then these guys, the fucking, you know, the, the, the, the uptown boys come fucking rumbling and tumbling down the hill, jumping on the, and like, they're picking up momentum. And this woman with a fucking newborn baby's coming out of the fucking thing. This mom cut into fucking mama bear instincts and like, they were gonna fucking, they were gonna tip over the fucking stroller, like proper, dude, she fucking threw herself into the, into the melee and she fell, everything, like, they hop up and I'm like, "God," like, I'm trying to like-

• 1:06:03H. Foley?

  Did they say sorry?

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  One did, "Oh, sorry about them." And I'm like, "That's the, that's a good kid." The others like, "Oh, you stupid, oh, it's his fault, it's his fault," like, and I'm like, "You almost just fucking tossed a baby onto the New York City sidewalk." Like an infant.

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  You said you yelled something?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  No, cuz then I'm the guy, you know, getting beat up. I don't even get my slate, I got the go, I thought about hitting the one with a coffee. That was gonna be my move.

• 1:06:30H. Foley?

  What, Jesus Christ?

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  I lose, if they, if that was gonna turn on me, I, yeah, I'm not fighting these kids fair.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  What are you, nuts? No way.

• 1:06:41H. Foley?

  It's an iced coffee.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  That's a little hot.

• 1:06:45H. Foley?

  I think in most situations, an authority figure, if you didn't go at them as a tough guy.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I don't see myself as an authority figure, that's the problem.

• 1:06:52H. Foley?

  If you said, "Guys, what are you doing, man? She's got a baby, knock it off." They're not gonna try to fight you.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  I know, but this was already done at the time. Like, it already happened.

• 1:07:02H. Foley?

  Fuck you bitching about, go get a slice and shut the fuck up.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  It was just this like, you're like, fu- and the one kid who apologized, but then, I was just like, ah, you're fucking-

• 1:07:11H. Foley?

  The coffee in the face.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  I mean, if I was gonna fight three guys? Three kids, three children?

• 1:07:17H. Foley?

  I think he would be in trouble if you scalded one of them in the eye.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  If they squared up with me?

• 1:07:23H. Foley?

  I still think you're going to jail for fighting minors.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  I'm okay with that, I'm just not getting my ass kicked by three minors. I'll serve my nickel. What are you, nuts?

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  I ain't getting- this one kid would have fucked me, he looked like every one of my cousins. No fucking way.

• 1:07:41H. Foley?

  Remind me not to mess with you.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  I don't think, that's every like, self-defense thing ever. That douse 'em, one of them was gonna bitch up.

• 1:07:53H. Foley?

  Probably the one who said sorry.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, the one who said sorry wasn't gonna fucking, wasn't gonna squabble with me.

• 1:08:00H. Foley?

  You hit him? I said I'm sorry, sir! You're fucking blind, the kid.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Not that, I'm just saying, if anybody, if I'm squaring up, if there's two guys, I got the dog too.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  He's stuck biting me.

• 1:08:15H. Foley?

  Hold on, so now you're scalding one of these kids and you're sick of the dog on them?

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  He wouldn't listen. But if, I mean, if I start squaring up-

• 1:08:22H. Foley?

  The kid or the dog?

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  The dog. The kids don't listen, that's proven. These kids, these are bad seeds.

• 1:08:27H. Foley?

  Tried to throw coffee in his eyes.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd fucking, yeah, you gotta buy yourself a minute, like, ten seconds.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Also, these kids are, these kids are like, full-blown roughhousing. They're already charged up. You know what I mean? They're looking, they're, they're blood in a war.

• 1:08:45H. Foley?

  That's your first coffee of the day.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  That was actually my third. Running pretty, I gotta wrap it up.

• 1:08:51H. Foley?

  Gang, love ya, see you tomorrow. Peace!

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

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