Shapiro’s Eyebrows, Chalamet Should Learn from Leo, & Are Jamaicans Irish? | #695

YERRR – the boys are back to NOT solving the Middle East, and roasting Chalamet’s ballet takes. We’re talking: – Insider trading during wars – Shapiro’s eyebrows & Reddit hypotheticals – Parents on edibles Plus: the unexpected hemorrhoid discourse. All that and more on this week’s episode of FLAGRANT. INDULGE. 0:00 Update on Danny + Daddy duties 5:56 Middle East is EASY + What else is there? 7:26 Joey Avery drops during the war + Solving it 10:09 Insider trading on the war 12:30 Chalamet's Ballet opinions + Stop talking 16:06 Leo DiCaprio's infographic 20:55 Outdoor boys, Camping + "It's cold" 26:13 Drinking + Women voting theory 32:27 Alysa Liu's a G + Gu's got the bag 34:34 Splitting Gs 43:12 Shapiro's eyebrows + Getting clipped 46:49 Reddit hypotheticals + Dog barking 54:34 We love snow, Molly + Parents on Edibles 1:10:54 "Hey mom", Irish are Jamaican + NCAA 1:21:11 Have anything you want + Guinness tech 1:29:56 India Pale Ale & Catfish 1:35:40 Vince Vaughn show, Friends & Seinfeld 1:40:19 Miles' pick-ups, NAACP + What's the POINT? 1:42:56 Opened my eyes for THIS? Joey's special + Mommy issues 1:45:44 Hemorrhoids + Women to gooch pipeline This episode is sponsored by Kalshi. This episode is sponsored by Sesh. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What's up everybody, welcome to Flagrant. It's the boy Schultz here, Alex Media, Marky Gags. We got a, we got an update from our Patreon brother Danny, who needed a new heart and a new liver. And, uh, he has been, I think for about a week now, unable to talk. He was able to get a new heart and a new liver. A miracle.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Let's go Danny.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  Troy.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Let's go Danny.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  Troy versus everybody, Detroit won again. So we got the first update, these are Danny's first words. Let's hear from Danny.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  First year, went well. Slowly getting back. My strength, day by day recovery. I really appreciate it. Vocal cords on the foot. But he'll get back. Any questions, let me know.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Let's go Danny.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  First of all, we are, we are very excited that Danny is back. Second of all, if some of you guys know Danny, uh, Danny speaks with like a, he is like a T Grizzly accent.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a Detroit.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Real Detroit hood accent.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Eight mile shit.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  And they must have put a Chinese liver in that motherfucker because the Asian accent is back. Danny, you've gone to your roots, my boy. Did you take that hard for the bodies exhibit?

• 1:21Speaker 00

  This is the first time he sounded Asian, right? Play, but we need to go to what he sounded like before when he had his, when they had the black heart.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Get me an old Danny video, Miles, because people need perspective.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  He was like T Grizzly before, now he's like Ying Ying Twins now.

• 1:37Speaker 00

  See, see, you just can't let Al start talking. You gotta, we gotta pivot the conversation to something more digestible.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, good for him though, that's awesome.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Shout out Danny, man, good for you. We're glad you're.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Wait, can we play his new voice again?

• 1:50Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, play his new voice.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  I want, it sounds like something, I can't tell exactly. I don't know enough movies.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Yo, vocal cords on the foot. But he'll get back.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  It'll be back. This nigga's Batman.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Does he sound like Transformers a little bit?

• 2:07Speaker 03

  One second, we're gonna check the levels again. We got it super cranked on that.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Batman.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  I'm the Cape Crusader.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Oh God, he just came in. I was being critical of Danny's recording after he has a new heart and new liver and hasn't been able to speak for a week. These are his first words.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Oh, the audio's a little messed up. He's covering the microphone with his pinky, that's all. That's all it was.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Anyway, Danny, man, good luck with Ra's Al Ghul and whoever you're going to be fighting over the next few movies. We appreciate you and we love you, okay?

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Damn, good for Danny.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  Danny's back, man.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  That's all.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  I had a feeling he would get a heart, man. I had a feeling.

• 2:48Mark Gagnon?

  We made it happen.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, we did make it happen. I also feel like the crime rate in Detroit also made it happen. Like, you're gonna...

• 2:55Speaker 00

  If you need a new heart, don't you want to be in a place where people get shot a lot?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  That's a good point.

• 2:59Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, that's like a dirty water heart, though.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:03Mark Gagnon?

  Do you really want... It's been a lot of...

• 3:04Speaker 00

  They're not getting it from Flint, Michigan. They're getting it from Detroit.

• 3:08Mark Gagnon?

  I thought all of that shit.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  Alright, fair enough. We try.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  There's gotta be a correlation, right? Crime rate and like...

• 3:14Speaker 00

  If you need new organs, you don't want to be in like a health, like Boulder, Colorado, or like, you don't want to be in Tokyo.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Those are the best hearts.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  They're the best, but you're not gonna come by them that often. It's like a freak snowboarding accident.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Which could happen.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Rarely.

• 3:31Mark Gagnon?

  But they have enough money to abduct people and then you get a nice, clean, fresh heart.

• 3:35Speaker 00

  There's a version there, but there's also a version where, you know, some, uh, organ donation nonprofit is paying inner-city gangs to shoot each other so they can provide livers and hearts for people that need it. I'm just putting that out there. I don't want Tyler Olivera to do a research project on it. But Tyler, if you're out there, this is possible. There might be something going on here.

• 3:58Mark Gagnon?

  He's doing the Lord's work, bro.

• 4:00Speaker 00

  Which...

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Which Lord?

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Not the Shem's work.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  WTF about to lose your...

• 4:11Mark Gagnon?

  We good, dude.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  You wanna be around?

• 4:13Mark Gagnon?

  We're good.

• 4:13Speaker 00

  Say again?

• 4:14Speaker 05

  You wanna be around motorcyclists.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  You wanna be around motorcyclists?

• 4:17Speaker 05

  That's who donates the most.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 4:19Mark Gagnon?

  You're dark.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  That's nice of them.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Why? Because they get in the most accidents and then? Have you been on your motorcycle since your children?

• 4:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:25Speaker 00

  Your kid?

• 4:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  No, right? Isn't that interesting?

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. They've been in the garage.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  And do you think you'll ever bike again?

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Probably not.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  How does your wife feel about that?

• 4:35Speaker 01

  What, that my dreams are destroyed?

• 4:37Speaker 00

  No, more that like you'd be fine dying and leaving her alone, but not your children. Because that's kind of what it is.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she lives a lot of her life without me.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  So she's used to that?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, she can go back to it, you know? My kids only ever known me as a deadbeat. You know, so I can't. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I can't abandon them now, you know what I mean?

• 4:55Speaker 00

  I feel like, I feel like a deadbeat dad to my son.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  I'm ignoring that kid. I just hang out with Shiloh all day.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:04Speaker 00

  And then he just like pops up, he'll like burp or throw up, and then I just hold him for a bit and I'm like, this is way less fun than hanging around with her.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but newborns are ignoring you. You know what I mean? Like, you ignore them, but they ignore you. They, he ignored you first.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  But that shouldn't be the case. I should be just pouring into this little boy like I poured into Shiloh.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  He don't want you, bro. Until six months. Until six months, then you start to come around.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  That's what he's always saying.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  He's a deadbeat kid until six months.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  Mmm. I love how you're reframing this. It makes me feel a lot better emotionally, but uh...

• 5:33Speaker 01

  You should be mad at him. You should be holding a grudge. And then he's gonna come around at six months, you'll be like, oh, now you want me.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Oh, now you're coming around, huh?

• 5:38Speaker 00

  No, that's a good way of framing it. I'd feel like a piece of shit that I'm not pouring in when he doesn't want me. That's the time that I should be showing up the most.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Skin to skin.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  Skin to skin, dude. Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  No, no, no, they don't care. Right? That's what I tell myself.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  I guess we could tell ourselves that. I don't know.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Did you, uh, figure out the, the Middle East, by the way? I heard you and Dove had a spirit combo.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  We figured that shit out. That's easy. The Middle East is fucking easy.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  It is.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Seems difficult. Walking into the, walking into the studio. You and Dove just yelling at each other about Middle Eastern politics is so funny.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, but we got it all figured out, dude. I love playing Monday morning quarterback about what's happening in the Middle East. So, but what I would have done is I would have secured the Strait of Hormuz.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  The way this consumes you is unlike anything I've ever seen.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Why?

• 6:25Speaker 01

  You texted me, I, I said, hey, what's up? He goes, just woke up from a nap. The war's not going well for us.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  As if like you're in charge of the war. Like, why are you so consumed by this? Aw, man.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Yo, what else is there to be consumed? Like, imagine being like really upset about anything else.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  How do you think, I thought you were in Tehran when he texted you.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  No, I was.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  This shit's not going well.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  Aw, I took a beautiful nap while my wife watched Both Kids. It was amazing.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Four hours, woke up, I was like, that was great, you should have done one of those.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  And yeah, she wasn't happy there, Connor.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  But yeah, yeah, I mean, did none of you guys think about it?

• 7:06Speaker 01

  I'm thinking about it, but just the way it's consumed you is unlike anything I've ever seen.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Well, how does it consume you?

• 7:13Speaker 01

  What do you want to talk about? Dude, there's nothing else I can think about.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  What else is there, Mark?

• 7:17Speaker 01

  I agree, there's really nothing.

• 7:19Speaker 00

  What else is there? What else is going on? Should we talk about traitors?

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes, exactly. Traitors, you know? I mean, you did bring a war correspondent into the studio today.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  I did, who was it?

• 7:32Speaker 01

  It's our good friend Joey Avery.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  Oh, Joey Avery is here, by the way, guys. We have Joey Avery here. We have Joey.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  We wanted this issue solved.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, so we definitely got to solve it. We'll get to that at the end of the episode, but we definitely got to solve it. Joey Avery is here, ladies and gentlemen. Big round of applause for Joey Avery. Thank you. The building. Unnecessary.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Unnecessary.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's been too confident since the soundboard.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  Who, Miles? I never know if it's Miles or Joey. It's me now, I got it working.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Well, to Mark's point, though, it has consumed you, because you and I were talking about my special that I just released, and the piece of advice that I got from you, you just said, "Damn, dropping during a war?" I was like, dude, what? I don't have a choice. It's already... Schedule. That's a tough drop. Shake my confidence.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  That's a tough drop.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  I would love to see you parenting the past two weeks. You're like, you're really gonna need a diaper change during a war?

• 8:35Speaker 00

  During a war. During a war is crazy. Asking for anything for me during a war is crazy. Yeah.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  You get out of everything, right?

• 8:42Speaker 00

  Everything, yeah. Yeah, 100%. I haven't seen my mom in like a month. I'm like, Mom, there's a war going on. What do you want? You want to go out for lunch and just chat shit while a war is going on in Tehran? Oh, that is awesome. Yo, how Iranian is pronounced Tehran is hilarious.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Why?

• 8:58Speaker 00

  They got the H in there hard. They think it's too hard. I'm saying Iranian Americans.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  How do you say it? I haven't heard that. I don't know. It's like.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, Al. Come on, stop it. You sound like you're supporting the Ayatollah.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Do you support the Ayatollah, dude?

• 9:15Speaker 01

  New or old?

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. Which one?

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Oh, the new guy.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  The new guy.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Oh, the Nepo.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I don't think he's gonna like us very much.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Killed his whole family.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  He's kind of creating supervillains.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  Trump's probably out there like, I think he'll be reasonable.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  You made Batman, actually.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, Joey, so have you solved it?

• 9:37Speaker 06

  No, but I've been thinking about it too, dude.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Right, though?

• 9:40Speaker 06

  It's been weighing on me as well. Yeah, I just like I wake up and I'm like, this is not great.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  It's not good. And we don't have any, any sports.

• 9:47Speaker 06

  No. I do feel like people have consumed like, listening to certain content about the war kind of fills the, the sports gap. Because like when I hear people talking about like the movement of missiles, I'm like, I do miss football. You know what I mean? Like, that's the type of strategy.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Andrew Parlay's still hitting the same.

• 10:04Speaker 06

  You know what I mean?

• 10:05Speaker 01

  He's got money on it. You're like, dude, this is great. Everything's turning out, you know?

• 10:09Speaker 06

  Yeah. Have we figured out how to stop the insider trading on like gambling on the war and things like that?

• 10:15Speaker 00

  No.

• 10:16Speaker 06

  Figure out how to get in. We're just supposed to, we're just supposed to copy these accounts.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 06

  Yeah. My entire Twitter is just people being like, some polymarket account knows something. And I'm just like, that doesn't feel good.

• 10:27Speaker 00

  Dump all the money.

• 10:27Speaker 06

  But I should probably, yeah, throw a little bit on there.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  It is kind of funny because.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Like, the way people use the insider trade on war is just the stock market?

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  Right? Like, somebody would dump some crazy amount of money into, like, oil futures and be like, "Oh, I wonder why."

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 00

  "I wonder why you're betting that oil's gonna go up."

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  And then... Oil goes up 100%, like it did this week.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 06

  I kinda miss old corruption.

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, because it's like, old cor- it is interesting, like, old corruption, it is like, uh, it's WASPy.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  And that, like, we pretend it's not happening, you know, and then just underneath the table, just horrible shit is going on. And then, now that we're dealing with it right in front of our eyes, we're like, "Oh, God, corruption is horrible."

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  It was more elegant when we could kind of ignore it a little bit.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, con men were dignified.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Yeah. Are they con men?

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Ins- insider traders? I guess not really con.

• 11:19Speaker 06

  Well, I just like, I appreciate, well, we, obviously, I don't think Iraq or Iran have been great, but I appreciated that they did a good job of, like, lying for Iraq. Like, they tried to tell us there was, like, a reason, and for this one, they're like, "I don't know."

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 06

  We'll see.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. You know who's been thinking about this conflict a lot?

• 11:38Speaker 00

  Who?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Our sound guy.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  Israel!

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Yo!

• 11:42Speaker 00

  Our sound guy's name is Israel.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Our sound guy?

• 11:46Speaker 00

  What?

• 11:47Speaker 01

  I would've just changed my name.

• 11:50Speaker 06

  Or like Izzy or something.

• 11:54Speaker 06

  He just goes behind the scenes, pulling the strings.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Joey's mic is turned off for the rest of the episode.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, we lost Joey's audio. Fuck is going on over here?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Oh, it's rough. I'm gonna call it early today, see you guys.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  I don't even know what he said. Um, English. English, Izzy.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  It wasn't funny enough to repeat.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Okay. Thanks for interrupting again. Okay, guys, can we just, can we not talk about the war or politics for a second?

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Let's try it.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Let's try it. No politics, just, just what else is happening, all right? America has some real controversy here.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  Is a marathon 26 miles or is it 18?

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Should Timmy Chalamet have opinions on ballet? Like, this is what we're dealing with.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Usually, America has news that is, you know, controversial and it gets us going and we're talking about it. They're not even providing that. Right? Like, there's no... I don't... Do you guys give a fuck what Timmy Chalamet thinks about ballet or opera?

• 12:56Speaker 06

  No. I don't think anyone does.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  The culture war's gone soft.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  It's gone so soft. It's bad. Also, Timmy, you gotta just stop talking. Take it from guys who know.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  Stop talking. It's... Listen, you killed it. The rollout for Marty Supreme was amazing. You're White Boy of the Month. Once you're White Boy of the Month...

• 13:17Speaker 06

  You don't need to add a podcast.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  I know, I'm being... I'm being... Like, once you become White Boy of the Month, or White Boy of the Year, whatever it is...

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  There's... It's only down.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  You can only go down from White Boy of the Month. It is a shit... Nobody is just like, "White Boy of the Century." That's not how it works.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I ain't know that was a thing. When did that become a thing?

• 13:36Speaker 06

  Stop it out.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  You don't know that?

• 13:37Speaker 01

  You wouldn't have liked it, bro. It's the... You've never heard of it?

• 13:40Speaker 06

  They do it at the BAFTA Awards. It's a big thing.

• 13:44Speaker 06

  It's whoever yells it out.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  But it is a thing that happens, right? It's like, if I'm any... You gotta just be Leo, dude. Leo is just... He perfected, and, you know, he's grandfathered in from, like, old cinema, but like, you just never hear him talking. Because when you talk, you get in trouble.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  Like, this is a lukewarm take, but I think that people are just going, "Okay, you can't be the coolest kid with the hit movie, and you're a superstar, and you just get to talk all the time and have opinions."

• 14:13Speaker 01

  But how else do you promote Marty Supreme?

• 14:14Speaker 00

  It's already promoted. It's done. That's why I don't understand why he's still talking.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Because he has a new thing?

• 14:18Speaker 06

  I think this was an old clip, and so there's controversy that this is an Oscars smear campaign. Because it didn't actually hit, but they think that maybe someone who wants to go against him...

• 14:28Speaker 00

  So this isn't even recent?

• 14:30Speaker 06

  That's what I heard. I would double-check that, but yeah, I heard it. It actually came out a while ago and people didn't really care.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  I like that theory.

• 14:36Speaker 06

  And then, yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  It was February 20th.

• 14:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:39Mark Gagnon?

  I, I, eons ago.

• 14:40Speaker 06

  This is before the war.

• 14:41Mark Gagnon?

  Fucking war gone.

• 14:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:42Mark Gagnon?

  Before the war.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  When was Marty Supreme out?

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Uh, Christmas Day.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  Oh, so you talking too long.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  But the Oscars are on Sunday.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  Nah, you talking too long. You gotta stop talk. Once the movie comes out.

• 14:53Mark Gagnon?

  Trying to get the Oscar.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you trying for too much.

• 14:55Mark Gagnon?

  Mmm.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  You can't. You got white boy of the month. The fuck you need an Oscar for? What do you need a fucking Oscar for? You're white boy of the month!

• 15:05Mark Gagnon?

  He's looking very Latino right now though.

• 15:07Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, that's bad.

• 15:08Mark Gagnon?

  Like, this is, he is a little bad buddy. Nah?

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:13Mark Gagnon?

  He look like the SNL dude, the, the comedian.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  Marcelo.

• 15:16Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:18Mark Gagnon?

  He biting Marcelo's slack.

• 15:19Speaker 00

  What are they saying? Who's gonna win the Oscar?

• 15:22Speaker 06

  Was this Calcio's for the Oscar?

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, what is this?

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Michael B. Jordan just pulled ahead.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 15:27Speaker 06

  He just pulled ahead.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Because of this clip? You know, Michael, you, do you know Michael B. Jordan's opinions on anything?

• 15:33Speaker 06

  No.

• 15:34Mark Gagnon?

  Nope.

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Do you know Brad Pitt's opinions on anything? You want a long career in entertainment?

• 15:39Speaker 06

  Parenting.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  And he did not share that. Angelina Jolie did not. On a fucking podcast, probably.

• 15:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's true. Trying to tank his Oscars off, probably.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  If you want a long career in entertainment, you just don't ever talk on a podcast.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  I'm just saying. Listen, I'm just saying. Listen, I'm just saying. This is the advice that I give these young ruffians. If you want a long career in entertainment, you don't talk on podcasts.

• 16:06Speaker 06

  So do you think it's worse for Leo if he goes on a podcast than keeps fucking 22-year-olds?

• 16:12Speaker 00

  25.

• 16:13Speaker 06

  25. That's his limit. You've seen the infographic.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Dude, nobody's really upset at him for that.

• 16:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Like, wouldn't you be more upset if he?

• 16:19Mark Gagnon?

  Why'd you correct to 25?

• 16:24Speaker 00

  That makes a difference. He's like, hard, 25 years old. He's fucking like 45. First of all, he's 50.

• 16:31Mark Gagnon?

  Exactly.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  If he was fucking 50-year-old women, I would shoot him in the head myself. This is Leonardo DiCaprio. What did you shake the shit out of him if he was banging age-appropriate? Who's 50 years old?

• 16:45Mark Gagnon?

  He can do like 30. What's this right here?

• 16:47Speaker 06

  That's the infographic of Leo's age versus the girls'. So the limit-

• 16:53Mark Gagnon?

  That is 25, but he'll, he goes and peaks and valleys. Oh wow. This is a good use of an infographic.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  Can you tell me?

• 16:59Mark Gagnon?

  That is fucking hilarious.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  Okay, okay, so are we really gonna blame a guy who's 50 for wanting to bang 25 year olds? When you jerk off to porn, you look for age appropriate women?

• 17:14Mark Gagnon?

  Why we gotta do that?

• 17:17Speaker 00

  It's just ridiculous, right? There's no category for it.

• 17:21Mark Gagnon?

  I close my eyes, think about my wife.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  While she's sitting next to you.

• 17:26Mark Gagnon?

  I'm just thinking about his weekends though.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  You think about her at 25?

• 17:34Mark Gagnon?

  My old work.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  My old work and my current work. I just, I don't understand this, like, I mean, that's the thing, we only know, and Nikki Glaser had this fucking great joke, I think it was at the Golden Globes. Did you see that? Where like, she basically like, um, she makes fun of him for dating 25 year olds. And then she's like, I'm sorry Leo, but that's literally the only thing we know about you. And it's, it was actually a great observation, like, he's, he's handled the career so well that the only things we know about him are, he's amazing at acting. He likes girls that are 25, and he cares about the environment.

• 18:05Mark Gagnon?

  I like that you keep giving him 25, when clearly.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  Yo, he has a range.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  You just keep saying that he's 25.

• 18:17Mark Gagnon?

  He just watched Django, that's what it was. He doesn't like him. Django's like, you're all this motherfucker.

• 18:25Speaker 00

  No, Al, you're a hater, bro, why you trying to drag his median down? Son. Come on, son. Come on, boy.

• 18:33Mark Gagnon?

  That's not the median.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  To me, Al looks like the median.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  I think that's the median right there.

• 18:38Mark Gagnon?

  It's only 25.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  The girl he's with now is damn near 27, bro. Damn near. Damn near. What do they even talk about?

• 18:47Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, or their future 25 year olds. This is so fucking funny.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  Do you think he'll ever get to the point where he just has like a Gen Z cut? You know, and he just starts using all the slang? Oh yeah. Yeah. You have to keep up at some point, get a little dangling. I, I, I'm like, I'm like baffled, if you're gonna marry a girl, yeah, you go age probes. Yes.

• 19:07Mark Gagnon?

  But.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  But.

• 19:10Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  We're just hanging out on a yacht.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:17Mark Gagnon?

  I'm not knocking it.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  You're gonna bring the other forty-five-year-old women on the yacht?

• 19:19Mark Gagnon?

  I'm not knocking it. It's funny that you keep going to the top.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  The guy dates thirty-year-old women. Am I gonna hate on him?

• 19:27Speaker 00

  A dude did forty-five once a day, thirty-year-old women. What's wrong with that even? What is wrong with it?

• 19:34Mark Gagnon?

  Shout out to Leo, man.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 19:36Mark Gagnon?

  He kept his mouth shut.

• 19:37Speaker 06

  He loves the environment.

• 19:38Mark Gagnon?

  Does he?

• 19:38Speaker 06

  Loves the environment. That's why he recycles women some more.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Not only that, but like-

• 19:43Mark Gagnon?

  Just driving around in big yachts and stuff.

• 19:46Speaker 06

  That might be the prize for white boy of the decade.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  Say again?

• 19:48Speaker 06

  That might be the prize for white boy of the decade.

• 19:50Speaker 00

  Which is what?

• 19:51Speaker 06

  Banging thirty-year-old women.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  Thirty-five sometimes.

• 19:54Speaker 06

  Thirty-five, forty-year-old women.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Guys, one of these days, he's gonna have sex with a thirty-year-old woman.

• 19:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  And he, we're gonna celebrate it. We're gonna be like, oh my god, he's no man.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  We're gonna be like, yo, he got Biden brain.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Alright, guys, here are all our dates in less than thirty seconds. Nashville, twenty-first, sold out. Thank you guys so much. Joey Avery's gonna be joining us. Providence, Rhode Island, March twenty-eighth. Los Angeles with Jelly Roll, May eighth. August eighth in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  Las Vegas, Nevada, Salt Lake City, Minneapolis, Calgary, Naples, Dana Beach, Dallas, Bernalillo, Cleveland, Rosemont, Chicago, San Francisco, Sacramento, Tempe, Edmonton, St. Pete, Charlotte, Detroit, San Diego, and watch my special, Joey Avery Live in San Francisco.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  And we have a monthly show, thirty-first of March. And I'm doing another show on April third in New York City. Check it out, Mark Gagnon Live. Alex?

• 20:43Mark Gagnon?

  And this Monday, March sixteenth, I have Cancelled Comedy. We have some funny motherfuckers, Ricky Biles, Cam Patterson, Natalie Friedman, a bunch of other funny motherfuckers. Just head to cancelcomedyx.com, get your tickets now.

• 20:56Speaker 07

  Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colors or flavors, great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade hydrates better than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  That's how I know I'm stressed. I've been watching Outdoor Boys non-stop. That's, that's my like, uh, stress reduction activity.

• 21:32Speaker 06

  Comfort show.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  Oh my god. Oh, so do you watch?

• 21:35Speaker 06

  I don't know, what is it?

• 21:36Speaker 00

  It's this guy who's just from Alaska, Mormon guy is amazing. And he's just like builds different types of shelters in the forest.

• 21:42Speaker 06

  That sounds nice. And he has- That's such a dad thing to watch.

• 21:46Mark Gagnon?

  And he has a family that he leaves every weekend to go-

• 21:49Speaker 06

  That's what, that's what Andrew's watching, dude. He's thinking, fantasizing about the idea of just being alone in a shed.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, let me hang out, look at my boy.

• 21:57Speaker 06

  Working with his hands. Man who's never cleaned a coffee maker, but might build a shed.

• 22:01Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna build, I'm not gonna build, but look at that view. That's a love, look at him, out on a boat. Oh, look at him, cutting wood.

• 22:09Speaker 06

  It's just male ASMR. Yeah. Yeah, dude, stuff.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Eating a potato. I watch it. I mean, do you guys not watch it? Nobody knows?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  No, I do. I mean, but what is, is it actually the alone part, or is it like the procedural kind of like?

• 22:25Speaker 00

  It's, it is all of it. And let me tell you where I peak, like my, what I'm waiting for.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  I'm just sitting there and I'm like edging towards it. And maybe I'll like Google a little 10 second forward, 10 second forward. But I'm waiting for him to say, "I got some fresh dough." Yeah, yeah, Miles, I know. "I got some fresh dough. And what else do I have? I got that honey butter."

• 22:49Speaker 06

  Honey butter.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Well, he makes that dough on the back of the shovel, and then he dips it into that honey butter. Oh my god, there's nothing better!

• 23:03Speaker 06

  Is that it?

• 23:04Speaker 00

  That's a nice, he probably made a little like pita or something like that. But when he breaks that, bakes that fresh dough and he dips that honey butter.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Walking miles on those rocks with these boots has just been killing my feet.

• 23:18Speaker 06

  Became Jewish that way through?

• 23:20Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 23:21Speaker 06

  My feet have been killing me. Good golly.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  Look at him make that fucking bread on that hot rock.

• 23:27Mark Gagnon?

  That's fire.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Yes, it is fire, Al. I'm glad you're realizing it. Wait till you see that honey butter.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Look at him cut a trout that he caught right out of that lake.

• 23:42Speaker 06

  You ever go camping Schultz?

• 23:43Speaker 00

  Never went in my entire life.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  Why? You would really enjoy it.

• 23:47Speaker 00

  Never went once and I've been dying to go.

• 23:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, you would love it.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  I want to go winter camping.

• 23:52Speaker 06

  Oh, like, right, I forgot about your winter camping.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, snow camping, I want to do snow. I want to deal with the elements.

• 23:57Speaker 06

  I mean, you basically just missed it.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you can't really winter camp here. I want like the real deal, man, life or death.

• 24:03Speaker 06

  But why don't you start off? Try a summer camp.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  Go in the water, like dude, that bread, that bread, you know how you can feel how good it tastes to him? When you've been out in the elements and your feet hurt because of these booze? And you finally get to eat that bread? It's the best bread of your life. And you're just thinking about it.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, but to me, it's, there's something about the, uh, the elements, like it being so cold that it's actually killing you. And then you creating your own fire and feeling that warmth.

• 24:31Mark Gagnon?

  Out of all of us, you tap out first if we go camping.

• 24:34Speaker 00

  You think I'd tap before you?

• 24:35Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, yeah. You have everything brought to you.

• 24:41Speaker 06

  I think he's bringing five Sherbus.

• 24:44Speaker 00

  Have somebody there with me.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  You need some help.

• 24:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  But when it's hot out, there's no like respite from the heat, right? It's like, it's not like you go in the tent and then it's cool. There's no AC.

• 24:57Speaker 06

  Well, usually you're near a body of water so you can cool off. There's shade from the trees at night, it cools off pretty quick.

• 25:06Speaker 06

  So it's not hot enough?

• 25:09Speaker 06

  I want to control the weather.

• 25:12Mark Gagnon?

  I won't go to Burning Man without a luxury RV, but he can handle the elements.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  I'm going to Burning Man with a semi luxury.

• 25:20Speaker 06

  But Burning Man is about drugs. This is about.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  If you go to Burning Man to camp or like be in a tent, you're a fucking idiot. Like you should have everything be as comfortable as possible so you can do those drugs and recover.

• 25:33Mark Gagnon?

  That is true, but you cannot last a day by yourself in the woods. I don't think you can.

• 25:39Speaker 06

  I mean, alone?

• 25:40Mark Gagnon?

  Alone.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised.

• 25:46Speaker 06

  You just got a fast forward day.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  No, I'm gonna bring some food. I'll make some bread. I'll...

• 25:54Speaker 06

  Just bring out some honey butter.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  I'll definitely bring the honey butter and heat it up on that stove that he's got. And you got it all melting that you dip right in. And then, uh, and then, yeah, probably fish or hunt or do whatever you do for food. He brings his food, by the way. He's not always like hunting for food. He brings a meal. He brings like a nice chicken curry. Like he, he gets off.

• 26:11Speaker 05

  And it's cold enough that you can just keep it in your backpack. It's refrigerated the whole time you're hiking.

• 26:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, stupid. You don't know how fucking temperature works?

• 26:18Speaker 06

  Do you even like winter sports? Do you ever ski or snowboard or any of that?

• 26:21Speaker 00

  I did some snowboarding.

• 26:22Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 26:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I skied, I skied once or twice.

• 26:24Speaker 06

  How'd you handle that?

• 26:26Speaker 00

  It's cold.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  My favorite part of that is when you go into like the little cabin area.

• 26:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 00

  And have a hot cocoa.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  That is the best part.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  So I think that's what it's really about.

• 26:40Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  The après ski is kind of what's...

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Après ski.

• 26:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Can we get some alcohol? Let's have a nice little vacation.

• 26:48Speaker 06

  A little après ski.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  What do you mean it's too early?

• 26:51Speaker 05

  We had another episode.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  No, no, the way I calculate this is I have date night tonight that I'll probably drink at. So I'm gonna already kind of go...

• 26:58Speaker 05

  It's one drink, basically.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  One drink.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  If it's in the whole day.

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Everyone knows the rules.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  We're going out with another couple tonight, not swingers.

• 27:08Speaker 06

  We hope. I know. I'll be lubed up for that, just in case.

• 27:12Speaker 00

  I like getting a little sauce and then going on like a first date with another couple.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  The best. My wife and I will take shots in our apartment.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  So then you can come in hot.

• 27:20Speaker 06

  We're going out. It's one drink.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  My wife doesn't know that we're drinking.

• 27:24Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  So I come in hot and then sit down and then Iran immediately.

• 27:28Speaker 06

  Yes, yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Immediately. We're talking about Iran and I cannot wait. And I cannot wait. And my wife is like, you cannot leave me alone in the conversation. You have to include me in everything. And I'd be like, okay, well, you better read up about the fucking Shah.

• 27:43Speaker 00

  Okay, because we're gonna be talking a lot about this and what happened in 1978.

• 27:48Speaker 06

  You gotta go back. There's a lot of history there. People don't know. People don't know about Mossad.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  That they don't. You know what a lot of people don't know? Do you know that women got the right to vote in when?

• 27:57Speaker 06

  In Iran or here?

• 27:58Speaker 00

  No, in America.

• 27:59Speaker 06

  Uh, 1929.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 28:02Speaker 05

  No, it was later.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  No, earlier.

• 28:03Speaker 05

  No, 19 earlier.

• 28:05Speaker 06

  19 or something like that.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  1920.

• 28:07Speaker 05

  20?

• 28:08Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  We've been at war ever since.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  It's a decent point.

• 28:17Speaker 00

  I.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Let's just hear him out. This is something interesting.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  We've been at world war ever since.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  They like to blame us, but there's not a lot of reflection.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  There's no, when they couldn't, and I have a daughter, I want her to be able to vote.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  Okay. I want that to happen.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  We said, don't get political, but I'll look down the slide.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  I'm not political at all. I'm just going off the numbers. I was shocked. I thought women got the right to vote in the 1800s sometimes. Okay. 1920, when was World War I?

• 28:49Mark Gagnon?

  But we had the wrong 20, so we had like a good like 10 years of fun, right?

• 28:53Speaker 00

  When they first started voting.

• 28:55Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  A hundred percent. They had that like hippie liberation movement. They're like, I could vote, I could throw this pussy around.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  And it was crazy. Flapping. They were flapping. The flappers were flapping.

• 29:05Speaker 00

  Exactly. Then just wars nonstop. The never ending wars. What type of responsibility do we put on them for that? Because before that, we only had one war to free you guys. And then that's it, right?

• 29:19Speaker 06

  Like was there, were there any more wars even?

• 29:21Speaker 00

  Can you name another one?

• 29:23Mark Gagnon?

  Revolution.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Revolution.

• 29:24Speaker 06

  Revolution, yeah.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  That doesn't count because we weren't us yet.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  It's actually not even a war. It's a revolution.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  It's a revolution.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, fundamentally, definitely. Yeah. That's a good point. So then women can vote. World War II kinda comes around.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  World War I.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  One. But World War I's like, what, 1914?

• 29:39Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Oh, it's after.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  You're breaking his heart.

• 29:48Mark Gagnon?

  I was gonna skip it.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Look when the fucking shit start.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Don't fall for the fucking propaganda, Mark. Don't fall for the propaganda. They want you to believe the war started before they could vote. It wasn't even a really official war until 1921.

• 29:59Speaker 06

  The boys were just digging. They were just digging trenches. They had the shovel. They were making the honey butter.

• 30:04Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  How happy were they when they were just doing the digging part? That must have been so fun.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  Dude, it was the life. You're out there with the boys. You're in the earth.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  And then women vote and all of a sudden.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  We're at war.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Okay?

• 30:22Speaker 00

  Thank you so much, Joseph.

• 30:24Speaker 05

  All right, everything you guys just said is off camera because we had three people in front of them all.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  That's okay. Okay, we're locking back in. Let's just see if we can create a through line for this argument. Somebody get on a computer.

• 30:36Speaker 05

  I'm on a computer.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  When did World War I start?

• 30:38Speaker 05

  1940.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  But America didn't get involved until?

• 30:41Speaker 00

  Until when?

• 30:43Speaker 01

  1917, I think, but it's.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Mark, shut up. Go.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  American entry into World War I, 1917.

• 30:50Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  When was it like bad?

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Damn, how do you notice? When did it really start being war?

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but when did it get bad for America? That's really the question.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Uh, it ended November 11th, 1918.

• 31:04Speaker 05

  Women also, when you Google what year?

• 31:06Speaker 00

  Hold on one second. Hold on one second.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Damn, show.

• 31:10Speaker 00

  So technically, they didn't even vote us out of the war. And they, we did that.

• 31:16Speaker 00

  We ended the war and we're like, there's no more wars. We gave them the right to vote. We're back in fucking war almost immediately afterwards.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:26Speaker 00

  And we haven't stopped being at war since.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  I wonder if all the people coming home from World War I came home and their wives were like, let us vote. And they were like, another war?

• 31:34Speaker 00

  We let them play.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  You guys hate it.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  We let them play baseball, Mark. You give them an inch. We let them play baseball. We were gone. We're like, we need to watch someone play baseball. They got out there, right?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  Using dildos at first. They didn't even, that's the thing a lot of people don't realize. They were using vibrators and dildos because all the bats had to go to war.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Historically, can we Google that?

• 31:58Speaker 06

  Well, the first dildos were made of wood, so it worked out.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Let's get a picture.

• 32:01Speaker 00

  You haven't seen those dildos from Cairo 4,000 years ago?

• 32:07Speaker 01

  There's a wooden bat?

• 32:08Speaker 00

  It's not a wooden bat. It's a dildo shaped to Egyptian vaginas.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  And it was made, it was made out of the elements that they had at the time.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  It was a shovel.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Look at that thing.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Shovel comes with that. That's what they were playing baseball with.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  That's a Louisville Slugger.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Golly.

• 32:28Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  Which side is, that's, is that what your shit look like now?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  I knew it.

• 32:34Speaker 00

  Al's get skinny at the bottom.

• 32:37Speaker 06

  Damn, that in the end home pussy.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Crazy. Al, is that literally how your shit looks?

• 32:42Mark Gagnon?

  Nah, it's not that crazy.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  That's, that is a little bit concerning, bro.

• 32:48Mark Gagnon?

  That is it.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Now that looks like your shit, bro.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  How you know?

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Same color.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  How you know?

• 32:56Speaker 01

  I'm doing some interesting.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  Al, your dick looks like Alyssa Lou's hair.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  Sorry, sorry, no, I can't talk about Alyssa Lou, she's a champion.

• 33:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, she's a champion, dude. Shout out to the Bay.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  Oh yeah. She rep the Bay heavy, I love that.

• 33:14Speaker 06

  We needed to counterbalance Eileen Gu's traitor ass and we did it.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  Do you think that she's a traitor?

• 33:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  A hundred percent, right?

• 33:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Oh, she's not.

• 33:21Speaker 06

  She, she led the like, she was in San Francisco.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  You're still fucking Chinese dude. She got that money, she got that bag, that's the most American thing to do.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  True, it, she is a, she's a sellout, but everyone's a sellout.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  That's the most American thing to do.

• 33:34Speaker 06

  Mark, if you don't get your fucking wreck them off the fence, I swear to god.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  Get off the bed, bro. Pick a side, pick a side.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  If I'm me, then it's she's a sellout, if I'm her, then I'm going to China.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 06

  But that's what makes her a sellout.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 33:50Speaker 06

  I, I, I understand why she made the decision, but I'm allowed to say, okay, well then I don't have to support you.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 06

  You're for the ops.

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 33:57Speaker 06

  I'm not, I'm not like personally upset at her, but I'm just like, Alyssa Lou is who I'm with.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  If there was a comedy Olympics, would you?

• 34:07Speaker 06

  Which country?

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Which country would you, would you, would you, would you do it for Saudi Arabia?

• 34:14Speaker 00

  Would you represent Saudi Arabia in the fucking comedy Olympics, Mark?

• 34:17Speaker 01

  I would, yeah, yeah. Mark does have three choices here.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Born in France, French Canadian parents, America.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  I'd represent Canada.

• 34:25Speaker 06

  Do you have an American citizenship?

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Yes, I do.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Now did you acquire that?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, when I moved here, I was just a, I was just an au fond and then my parents applied for it. And then I got it, they gave it to me. I was on an O1 visa.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 34:38Mark Gagnon?

  I didn't, I didn't see him shoveling, he don't got two forms of ID.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Who wants vino?

• 34:47Speaker 06

  Do you want one?

• 34:49Speaker 05

  Oh dude, drink with Joey is a dangerous game you're not supposed to play.

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Guys, we're just having a little vino. We're just talking about traders, okay?

• 34:56Speaker 05

  You should go drink for drink with Joey Schultz.

• 34:57Speaker 06

  Hey, once you start with me, it can be a problem.

• 35:00Speaker 00

  I'm not going to drink.

• 35:01Speaker 06

  I took Miles out on Sunday.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  Oh no, is it that bad?

• 35:04Speaker 06

  Well, we were celebrating the special and then I think probably like nine or 10 Guinnesses just sort of happened.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Oh, I wish we had Guinness. Maybe we have somebody run out and get us some Guinness.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  You have Guinness?

• 35:13Speaker 06

  I love Guinness.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  Oh my god, I love Guinness.

• 35:17Speaker 05

  Did you know that?

• 35:17Speaker 00

  This is the first thing in my system today, but I love it. Do I know what splitting G's is?

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Yes. What is it?

• 35:22Speaker 00

  So we're on the first pour, if the foam splits the G, you win it.

• 35:26Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  No, on the first drink, sorry, on the first drink, on the first drink.

• 35:29Speaker 06

  Okay, yes.

• 35:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think you give it to him.

• 35:31Speaker 06

  It's a brilliant like accidental marketing play by Guinness, because it has Guinness on the mind, people are drinking it and they're drinking it faster.

• 35:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 06

  So when you start splitting G's, you're just chugging half of it to start and then you end up drinking 10 and then Miles hung over on Monday.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  Miles, you couldn't hang, dude?

• 35:48Speaker 05

  Well dude, we were doing beers and then they just kept going, "Yo, you want a Ferrari shot?" And I was like, "Sure." And then those were coming out heavy.

• 35:54Speaker 06

  Fernet and Campari. We've been into that.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  I like the Campari, I don't know how the Fernet works in there.

• 36:01Speaker 06

  It works.

• 36:02Speaker 00

  Really?

• 36:02Speaker 05

  Tastes like cough syrup.

• 36:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, it depends on what you're into. Look, both things taste like shit, but you put them together and it still kind of tastes like shit.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  You like, you like the drink?

• 36:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, I like the drink.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  The drink is a good thing.

• 36:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, you gotta be able to drink within reason. You can't, you know.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  What's within reason?

• 36:17Speaker 06

  Well, you, you can, it's, I, I remember like during COVID, I was really into drinking. I was doing it just more nights a week than I should.

• 36:24Speaker 00

  Which is how many nights?

• 36:25Speaker 06

  I was probably doing it about, yeah, when COVID first hit, it was like a team sleepover and I was just drinking like seven nights a week on Zoom with my friends. And then I was like, "Why am I fat and angry?" And it was the alcohol. So you gotta like, a couple nights a week, but I do it every week.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  You only get a couple.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  I never miss a week of drinking.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  Can you get the dildos off the screen? Cause I can't concentrate. Everyone is built with a curve and I'm starting to feel insecure about my straight dick.

• 36:53Speaker 06

  I thought you curved.

• 36:54Speaker 00

  No, I don't.

• 36:55Speaker 06

  Oh. Do you guys curve?

• 36:57Speaker 05

  No.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  You wouldn't even know, your shit is all fucking quote.

• 37:00Speaker 06

  It's underwrapped, dude.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  Do you curve?

• 37:03Speaker 05

  Nah. You guys' dicks are in Iran. They're covered up.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  Thanks, Miles.

• 37:15Speaker 00

  Miles, I love ya. We should have given you more. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. Your sleep sucks. When your sleep sucks, everything sucks. Okay, your mood, your focus, your workouts, your patience, all of it. And we love to pretend it's normal. Ah, I just don't need that much sleep. Yes, you do. Ah, catch up this weekend. No, you won't. That's not a flex. This is a liability. You cannot outwork bad sleep. You cannot caffeine your way through real recovery. If your body isn't repairing at night, you are running on fumes and disguising it as ambition. Sleep is not just ours. It's hormones, it's stress, it's inflammation.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  It's what's actually happening under the surface. Guessing isn't gonna cut it. And that's why I use Function. 160-plus biomarkers. You can see what poor sleep is doing to your body and fix the real problem. And between us, boys, there's a little friendly challenge in the works. A bio age competition. Dove already did his. He's talking big. Mark, Alex, they're circling.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  Waiting for their turn. Are we gonna let Alex do it? Probably not.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Wait, why not?

• 38:33Speaker 00

  They age a little better.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  You know, at least on the outside. So right now, you go to functionhealth.com/flagrant. Get function for less than a dollar a day using our code flagrant. Check your health. You are welcome. Also, what is the over and under on Dove's age?

• 38:55Speaker 00

  What is the over or under on Dove's age?

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Forty-five.

• 38:59Speaker 00

  I think, I think he's, I think he's, I think he's significantly over.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  You take the over on forty-five?

• 39:05Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no. If he's forty-two years old, I'm with you on forty-five.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think he's coming under forty-two.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  No, not after the conversation you guys just had.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  No, I got him stressing.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  The second he comes in the office, I get him stressing.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  You're adding years.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  Hundred percent. He's unbuttoning that cardigan, tits flopping in that fucking white tee.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 39:29Speaker 00

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• 40:13Speaker 00

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• 40:58Speaker 00

  Now let's get back to the show. Before we get back to the show, there's one more company that I want to shout out. This is on the house, okay? My boys over at Neuro taking over the world. This right here, and I'm not right now, by the way, this is on the house. Absolutely unbelievable. I mean, where's my cam? That one or this one? This shit is crazy, okay? I don't think I've slept in the last like year.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  And it's building up.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  I think that's the newborn.

• 41:25Speaker 00

  It's the newborn, but this right here is allowing me to get through it. So, thank you for helping me be a better dad. I saw Katy Perry posting about this the other day. And I hit them up, I was like, yo, you got Katy Perry? She's like, nah, they were like, nah, she was just doing it for the strength.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Oh, really? Wow. Yeah. Didn't they also make you pro in paddle?

• 41:41Speaker 00

  They also made it professional in paddle. But that's why I feel that I need to be back. If Katy's giving them free promo, it's like, we also gotta be running it up.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  She's an astronaut.

• 41:49Speaker 00

  She's been to space, bro.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  That's a good point. Astronauts are using this.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  Real astronauts are using this, right here. What would you, what do you do with your day? That's so valuable to you that you wouldn't wanna?

• 42:03Speaker 01

  I feel like she's more of a titstronaut.

• 42:08Speaker 00

  He's on the Nero. Do you have a Nero in?

• 42:10Speaker 01

  I just finished it.

• 42:11Speaker 00

  Do you have a Nero? That's what happens when you Nero.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  He's coming online.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  I didn't even put that together. Astronaut, titstronaut, genius. With all due respect, to Orlando. Orlando Bloom, great guy, great guy.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's with the Prime Minister of Canada.

• 42:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's his old work, they got kids, like. You know what I mean? Orlando's a good guy, bro. Come on, you gotta respect. You wouldn't know, but you gotta respect old work, bro. You wouldn't know, but you got it. We've always put respect on old work.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Facts. Yo, shout out Orlando.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  So, lock in right here. This is Katy Perry knows us up.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  What's the guy from Canada's name again?

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Justin Trudeau.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  Justin Trudeau?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Yep. He probably against him. Secondhand. Probably, I assume.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  From what?

• 43:03Speaker 01

  From Katy.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  This shit doesn't go through the urethra?

• 43:08Speaker 00

  With all due respect? With all due respect? That's not how it works, bro. If that's what you were implying, which is fucking disgusting, talking about somebody's mom like that, somebody's ex-wife like that.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Did we get a picture of Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry? If they're making out.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  We're not doing that.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  He might get a secondhand.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  We're not doing that. This is Nero gum, we shout out Nero, Nero to boys, keep crushing it. Okay, we're glad you got back from Dubai. We saw you out there, I was nervous. I had to text them, make sure that they got back. So, this is phenomenal. We love y'all and keep crushing it. And thank you for allowing me to be a good parent. Can we get back to the show finally?

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Please.

• 43:41Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Finally.

• 43:43Speaker 07

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• 44:12Speaker 06

  Mark said his dick didn't curve in a way that makes me think his dick curves. Mark said his dick curves like Ben Shapiro's eyebrows. Is this real or AI?

• 44:21Speaker 00

  No, it's gotta be AI.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Nah, that's real, dude.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  100% real. Pull it up.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  There's no way.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  I just saw one tweet about it that my mom's been talking about it nonstop.

• 44:29Speaker 00

  Well, what did she say that the truth of it is?

• 44:31Speaker 01

  She says that that's gonna be his curls. That's the word they're gonna grow from.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  The pants. It's not true.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  They look good.

• 44:39Speaker 06

  It's a really funny piece of internet work, though.

• 44:42Speaker 00

  I mean, if he's leaning in, it's hilarious. Like, if I was him, I would, I would bush the fuck out of them.

• 44:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, he should just do his show with them on. But I think I saw someone compare the two videos, and it's not real. But I like it. It's, it's the right thing to do, though, with his face.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Meaning?

• 44:58Speaker 06

  Well, it's just the funniest possible thing, and it's just believable enough that we can have a dialogue, and it's like, his eyebrows are getting crazy.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:05Speaker 06

  Like, I believed it. I was like, damn, this is really switched up.

• 45:10Speaker 00

  Does this count as political conversation?

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Oof, who's getting a little political there?

• 45:13Speaker 00

  Miles, anytime we talk about politics...

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 06

  Yo, this is hilarious.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Nah, that's insane.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  I have noises.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  Anytime we talk about politics, I want you to put a charity that we support on the screen, a huge banner. Okay? So if we do get clipped throughout the internet, it at least goes to a good cause.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Black Lives Matter.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Okay? So we can do the Food Bank of New York, we can do Baby Quest, which is the IVF charity that I support. So there's a couple of those, and just a huge banner right across it.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  Black Lives Matter.

• 45:41Speaker 06

  Doesn't this incentivize us?

• 45:42Speaker 00

  We're not doing Black Lives Matter.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Come on, black lesbians need some housing, bro.

• 45:46Speaker 06

  That is true. That is true.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Come on, man.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. Is that even still going?

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 45:53Speaker 00

  They, they stopped it?

• 45:54Speaker 01

  They killed it.

• 45:55Speaker 00

  100%.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  They kept the whole movement. It's still going, but no one really supports it. It's unfortunate. Still my wifi password, though.

• 46:02Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  You just tell people to stare at them. Say it out loud when you type it.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  That is kind of funny that if somebody's gonna steal your wifi, they have to type in black lives.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is funny.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  You have to decide if you're racist or if you want wifi.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  It's wifi every single time.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  All right, um. Yeah, this is insane.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  You want the charity because you're afraid of getting clipped up? Like, you don't want to get clipped, everything you say?

• 46:29Speaker 00

  No, no, I want the clipping to promote something. There's nothing we can do to stop us from getting clipped, no matter what we say. So if you are gonna clip us and do videos about it, at least we can both together support some really great causes.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 46:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  Because I don't care about supporting the causes of the shows clipping us. Because I don't know what their causes are.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  Maybe I do care, maybe I don't. But if we are going to be mined for views, then we should at least support some good causes.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  Doesn't that good? Everybody wins.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  And then if you stop clipping us, it means you don't support children being born through IVF. Or you don't support, you know, people struggling to eat in New York.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  So if anything, maybe you would inspire more people to talk about us. But if it goes down, what are you prioritizing?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  I love this. What is going on here? More people should do this. More people should do this.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  You've been plotting, dude.

• 47:19Speaker 00

  I'm not plotting. Who are the most clipped on the internet? You should just have a banner running for your favorite charity during it.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  Right?

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's kind of genius.

• 47:27Speaker 06

  It's a good idea.

• 47:29Speaker 00

  So which charity should we do?

• 47:31Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Tucker is a great charity.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  Hold on. Get a banner ready.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  His isn't IVF, I think his IDF is.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  No, no, he would never support that. He would never support it, okay. All right, what else is going on in the world, guys?

• 47:50Speaker 01

  I mean, do you want to go through some Reddit hypotheticals?

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Oh, good. I guess that's a no.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  They got your answer right there. I almost passed out of panic attack right there. Yeah, yeah, sure, let's go.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  He's like, you didn't say you were on.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  I mean, considering that you went to college.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  I did.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  What was your degree in college?

• 48:11Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Psychology.

• 48:12Speaker 00

  Psychology, psychology, yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  Vibes, certain.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  I don't know. Psychology, yeah, psychology.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Psychology.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Psych, I was a psych, yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  So you're good at psychology?

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Psychologizing people?

• 48:24Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  Situations, theories, getting to the bottom of stuff?

• 48:26Speaker 00

  Let's see, maybe.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  I'm good at that.

• 48:28Speaker 00

  I might be, I might be a little, uh, what's it called, rusty?

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, so these are just some hypotheticals we're gonna pull up. Um, here, click, click on the, am I the asshole, the bottom one? And, uh, I'm just curious your take, if you're gonna adjudicate this as a psychologist and really try to break down what's going on.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  So this one is basically saying, am I an asshole for telling my neighbor it's not my problem that her newborn wakes up to noises coming from my apartment?

• 48:49Speaker 00

  This is a great question.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  So, in short.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  This is a great question.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  This is a, a person.

• 48:54Speaker 00

  Can we give credit to the person that?

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  Asked this question?

• 48:56Speaker 01

  Black Swan NYC.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  This is a great question.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  One of, one of our neighbors probably here in the city.

• 49:00Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  This person says, I just moved into a one-bedroom apartment, it's been vacant for a while, you know, it's great and I really like it. I have a two-year-old golden doodle who will occasionally bark when he hears something outside the door or in the hallway. And I work from home and I'm almost always there, so I correct the behavior and it's usually just a couple of alert barks. Tonight at 7:00 PM, I'm having dinner with my sisters. When my neighbor knocks on the door, she tells me that my dog's constant barking has been disturbing her newborn's sleep and that this has apparently been going on for weeks. She also said that she has two dogs and she educated them not to bark, so I should be able to do the same with my dog. The thing is, I, like, my dog wasn't even barking that much when, uh, she knocked on the door and I honestly don't believe that he's barking constantly since I work from home, I would notice if he was.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  I can hear her baby crying through the walls quite often and I've never complained about it just because a part of, you know, apartment living, babies cry, dogs bark. Am I the asshole?

• 49:52Speaker 00

  Honestly, it was too long, the question was too long.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  It was a little long and I, I need a cup for that, I need a cup and I need a cup bad. I need like a pint glass, I cannot drink a Guinness out of a can, I need a cup, but thank you. Um, so can you just consolidate that? First of all, great question, two-wordy.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  And you can last fucking camping right now.

• 50:12Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  I'm having the same thought.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Oh my god. I need.

• 50:16Mark Gagnon?

  He's right about the.

• 50:17Speaker 00

  I am right about the can. Where did you go? Where did you go? Cause it would start, you said, this is a great question that I started to read it and then you went somewhere else. You started like acting out his question like.

• 50:26Mark Gagnon?

  You were doing too much.

• 50:27Speaker 00

  I was trying, I was trying.

• 50:28Mark Gagnon?

  I went elsewhere as well.

• 50:30Speaker 00

  Say what? I went elsewhere as well. Yeah, cause you started like, you started like pantomiming how he was in the situation. You're like, I just have a golden doodle. I wasn't listening to what you were saying. I was just like, why is he being so gay?

• 50:43Mark Gagnon?

  I was adding some spice for the audience at home.

• 50:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:46Mark Gagnon?

  That way they felt like, wow, this is like a, like a TV novella.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Can you just consolidate for me?

• 50:50Mark Gagnon?

  This girl has a dog.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:52Mark Gagnon?

  The dog barks.

• 50:53Speaker 00

  And the neighbor was a bitch about it. The neighbor was like, I taught my dogs not to bark. Why don't you do this with your dog?

• 50:59Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah. And the dog's waking up my baby.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  They don't, in my experience, you can't teach a dog not to bark. Okay, well, that's. That's the wrong starting. It's like, having a dog is accepting barking. Yeah, thank you. Having a, having a child is accepting crying. Like, there's nothing you can do to teach a dog how to not bark. And I've tried most things, legal and illegal. Okay.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Well, you have a golden doodle. Yeah. And your golden doodle barks. Yeah.

• 51:31Mark Gagnon?

  He wakes the baby up. Remember in the Hamptons, we'd come back from the bar and Schultz would go, we all have to enter different doors.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta confuse it. You have to confuse it. Dude, this dog, it barks preemptively. Like, it hears the elevator. Yeah. And it starts barking.

• 51:48Mark Gagnon?

  That's what it's supposed to do.

• 51:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. But you could train it not to.

• 51:51Mark Gagnon?

  I don't think you can.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  It's a dog.

• 51:53Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, that's what they're fucking there for.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, dogs bark. You can train dogs not to bark. No, you can't. No, no, no, no. This girl has two dogs.

• 51:59Mark Gagnon?

  You cannot train a dog not to bark.

• 52:01Speaker 00

  She doesn't have two, this girl's a liar. Like, there's, nobody has two dogs that both don't know how to bark. It's just not like humanly possible.

• 52:09Mark Gagnon?

  Like, that's like training a wife not to talk. I've been trying. It doesn't work.

• 52:13Speaker 00

  Al, you're a misogynist. And if we were able to do that in 1920, we wouldn't be at war for the last 20 years.

• 52:20Mark Gagnon?

  Once they started barking.

• 52:21Speaker 00

  We would be at war for a hundred fucking years.

• 52:24Mark Gagnon?

  They started barking, they started talking. Fuck. Fuck!

• 52:27Speaker 00

  That's, can we at least call him out for being misogynistic? Yeah, he's a fucking misogynist, dude.

• 52:31Mark Gagnon?

  What do you mean?

• 52:32Speaker 00

  No, you're misogynist. Okay. But with this, I mean, do you think?

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Barking, like if the dog is barking, is it the owner's fault? And should she do something to stop it?

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Mark, once you live in a building that allows dogs, it's like living in a building with like Caribbean people.

• 52:54Speaker 00

  There's gonna be noises when you don't want it.

• 52:58Speaker 00

  This is just what we accept. It's like, you can't be like the white person that moves to fucking,

• 53:05Speaker 00

  you know, 116th and like goes, oh wow, there's bachata music playing in my building. It's like you chose to do that. That was your choice to move into the neighborhood where the music is playing late. You don't get to complain.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  See, but then he moved it, well, some people moved into Williamsburg and kicked out all the Puerto Ricans. So maybe you can't.

• 53:25Speaker 06

  But you need a critical mass.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  You can't partially gentrify, you gotta do the whole thing.

• 53:31Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 53:34Speaker 00

  We're talking politics.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  Get it on the screen. Sounds like we're being political again. Get it on the screen.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Not what I meant.

• 53:42Speaker 00

  Okay. We know what you're doing. Okay, you're sliding those liberal San Francisco politics into this podcast, okay? Now, do you know for a fact that you moved a Puerto Rican family out of the home that you live in right now?

• 53:56Speaker 01

  No, I don't think we did. I don't know who lived there before. Actually, no, I do know because we collect their mail and we give it to them.

• 54:02Speaker 00

  And?

• 54:02Speaker 01

  Once a week. Just a regular white girl.

• 54:04Speaker 00

  Regular white girl?

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 00

  Okay, so I don't think you're responsible for it.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  I don't think we moved them out.

• 54:08Speaker 00

  I just think if your building allows dogs, there's gonna be noise. I had a neighbor that was an influencer and she would throw parties really late while we had a newborn.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  That seems inappropriate.

• 54:18Speaker 00

  Very inappropriate. I would call down, I'll call down.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  To the front?

• 54:23Speaker 00

  I would call down to the front. I was like, I think there's a happening.

• 54:28Speaker 00

  Isaiah, I think there's a girl screaming, "No, can you please go check on this?"

• 54:31Mark Gagnon?

  When you called the police?

• 54:33Speaker 00

  Say again?

• 54:34Mark Gagnon?

  When you called the police?

• 54:34Speaker 00

  Well, no, it wasn't actually, but I needed to be severe enough where they would actually...

• 54:39Mark Gagnon?

  You started with the front.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. And I would do anything in my power to stop the party from happening, and it never worked. That's just what it was. We had a newborn baby. I would go there with the crying baby to like, you know, impose some guilt. Cocaine, just, there's no guilt that gets through cocaine.

• 54:55Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 54:56Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  Shout out cocaine for that reason.

• 55:00Speaker 00

  But, my point is that like, there's nothing you can do about these things. It sucks. I empathize. But it's a dog. A dog is gonna bark.

• 55:08Mark Gagnon?

  Wait, but was that girl an asshole?

• 55:11Speaker 00

  She was sweet, but she was very inconsiderate.

• 55:15Mark Gagnon?

  So then, this person is an asshole.

• 55:19Speaker 00

  But the dog is different. You can't control the dog. You can control not having a party until 4 a.m. and blasting music with your friends all coked up.

• 55:25Mark Gagnon?

  Cocaine?

• 55:27Speaker 06

  It's hard, it's hard to control a bag. Turns a lot of people into dogs.

• 55:33Speaker 06

  Now, you have...

• 55:34Speaker 00

  Do you do cocaine?

• 55:35Speaker 06

  What?

• 55:43Speaker 00

  Do you do cocaine?

• 55:44Speaker 06

  Have I, in my illustrious career of being a fun guy? Yes, I have. Will I ever do it again in my life? A bit, but I would not say that I do cocaine.

• 55:54Mark Gagnon?

  But like, that's a yes.

• 55:57Speaker 06

  No, no, because there's people who are like, into it. I actually, I think it's a very overrated drug.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  You just said, "I have and I will."

• 56:02Speaker 06

  I've just done it because I've been trying to party for more hours.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  How, yeah, that's...

• 56:10Speaker 06

  Why? No, that's not true. Some people are...

• 56:13Speaker 00

  I was just trying to keep a variety of reasons.

• 56:15Speaker 06

  I was trying to have fun.

• 56:16Speaker 00

  I don't like working out. I'm just trying to be skinny. Okay, so you're, okay, but if one of us had cocaine here, would you do it?

• 56:26Speaker 06

  I would not do it.

• 56:27Speaker 00

  Never?

• 56:28Speaker 06

  What do you mean, "No"? Well, not never. Have a couple beers, and let's talk about it.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  Alright.

• 56:32Speaker 06

  I'll put it to you this way. I would not do it, although Schultz, if you were like, "Dude, we gotta have a coke night." I'd be like, "Schultz wants to do a coke night? I could saddle up for another ride."

• 56:43Speaker 00

  We're at Burning Man.

• 56:45Speaker 06

  Yeah. And Burning Man, I would, I would say it's a strategic play, because I actually...

• 56:52Speaker 06

  I think it's.

• 56:57Mark Gagnon?

  He feels about drugs, we feel about war.

• 57:01Speaker 00

  We're gonna stop China. We gotta do whatever we can.

• 57:03Speaker 06

  It's like, I think it could hurt you. Like if we're, if we're in the middle of it, it's like the, the hangover off that is like worse than anything else. So like, I don't know if I would do it early in Burning Man, but if it was like the last night and we needed a little extra gas in the tank. Yeah. We felt like it was decent stuff. I might do a little choo. But yeah, again, I don't think it's a good thing to do. I don't support it.

• 57:27Mark Gagnon?

  I think I'm talking about coke dregs. I'm like a fucking Russian mobster.

• 57:32Speaker 06

  Do you do, do you do coke, Al?

• 57:33Mark Gagnon?

  Nah, I'm black.

• 57:35Speaker 06

  But there was a time.

• 57:36Mark Gagnon?

  Black people don't do coke or admit to doing coke.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  See you crack?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  That was bad.

• 57:45Speaker 06

  It was a joke I thought about and decided not to say.

• 57:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know. I've never.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  The fenn, the fenn scares me, dog.

• 57:53Speaker 06

  But you even before the fenn, what, did you do coke?

• 57:55Speaker 01

  No, but I've never lived before the fenn. I was born in the fenn, dude.

• 57:59Speaker 06

  I was born in it.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  That's all I've ever known. No, I like, I got to college in 2015. And by that point, it was already like, I think Mac Miller had died.

• 58:07Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  It was already like, ah, it's what's, what's it worth, you know?

• 58:10Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, I think it went like that, went like that. And now it's back up. Cause people younger than him, they're all.

• 58:16Speaker 06

  They're all in on coke.

• 58:17Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, they're all.

• 58:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a party drug. They just do it every weekend.

• 58:19Mark Gagnon?

  But like, they're back in, it's regular now.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  It's one of the least fun ones though. Cause like you get a little energy, but you get a little anxiety and you wanna die the next day. Like.

• 58:27Speaker 00

  Oh, the hangover is crazy. I've done it once. I put on my gums once and then I did it at Burning Man once and I got it at Burning Man. I was like, oh, I get this. This is the perfect thing to extend the night, as you were saying.

• 58:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:41Speaker 00

  But the next day, fuck.

• 58:45Speaker 06

  What goes up must come down.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  That is true.

• 58:47Speaker 06

  There is a reality to all these things. I mean, like even I, in my heyday, you know, absolutely loved Molly. You know?

• 58:54Speaker 00

  It's incredible.

• 58:55Speaker 06

  And I still do, but I just can't deploy it really much because it'll kill you for like four days.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Can I give you an, can I give you my honest feeling on, on Molly?

• 59:02Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 59:03Speaker 00

  Cause there are some people that might be at the office that will remain nameless that are like, oh, I just want the pure MDMA. You're gay. I want the fucking pill of ecstasy that has all the other crazy shit.

• 59:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 00

  Not fentanyl, but whatever else is in there.

• 59:20Speaker 06

  A little meth.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Oh my God. What I would do. What I would do if I knew we had 24 hours, just the boies. We had some dough, some honey butter.

• 59:33Speaker 06

  A shovel?

• 59:34Speaker 00

  A shovel?

• 59:35Speaker 06

  And a bag of sand.

• 59:36Speaker 00

  Oh my God.

• 59:38Speaker 06

  I did Coachella like 11 years in a row, something like that.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  It's gonna be getting a fucking gay orchid, right? You know what?

• 59:45Speaker 06

  We need honey butter.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  The nicest.

• 59:49Speaker 00

  The nicest thing about ecstasy is that like, you don't get horny, at least for me, you get like lovey.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. So it kind of protects you in a relationship. Coke, I feel like you could make some erratic decisions.

• 1:00:00Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  I don't know for a fact, but I imagine. Alcohol even, you get too fucked up, you know, shit gets a little crazy.

• 1:00:06Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Ecstasy, you're like, yo, let's just talk about how great we all are.

• 1:00:11Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah. It's the mixing of it, because usually if I'm doing those drugs, there's a lot of alcohol also.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta have a little alcohol, a little Adderall too.

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  Yes, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  But then once that pill hits, once that fucking Tesla hits.

• 1:00:24Mark Gagnon?

  Ecstasy makes my dick stop working completely.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:00:28Mark Gagnon?

  I remember I went down for about three hours just trying to get it up.

• 1:00:33Speaker 00

  You went down on a girl for three hours?

• 1:00:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's a lot of pussy.

• 1:00:37Mark Gagnon?

  Bro, I was wired, bro.

• 1:00:39Speaker 06

  That's a buffet.

• 1:00:40Mark Gagnon?

  I was wired.

• 1:00:43Mark Gagnon?

  Just waiting for it to get, I'm like, the moment it gets up, I'm gonna give you five minutes.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  No, that's insane now. I, I'm like, did you enjoy that high off the ecstasy?

• 1:00:54Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, because it's like, you're just in this blissful state. It's like, oh, I'll do this forever.

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  You just were lost in the pussy dude.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  I swear to God.

• 1:01:04Speaker 06

  That's kinda beautiful.

• 1:01:05Speaker 00

  I wanna talk too much, eat pussy. I'd be coming up like, what do we think about?

• 1:01:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  What's your favorite movie and why? Yeah, Private Ryan was incredible.

• 1:01:15Speaker 06

  If you did both, it'd probably feel amazing if you're just like, oh my God.

• 1:01:20Speaker 06

  Humming, nose on the clit.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Dude, Alan and Molly hangover is the funniest thing.

• 1:01:25Speaker 06

  Why?

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  We were in like a pool in Mexico.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  Oh, that was fucked up.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  We were listening to like, Dance With My Father.

• 1:01:34Speaker 00

  This is when we were in the hotel pool and we were all so down.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  It was dark.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  I felt kinda normal.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  You're younger.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  It's a big difference. I can't do what I used to do.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  It was like the first time I ever did Molly too. So like, I felt kinda fine.

• 1:01:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  And I was just like, oh, that was fun. Look over at Al, he's got a towel over his head. He's just leaning over the pool, just crying.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  Like, it was like.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:02:05Speaker 00

  I gotta get out, I gotta get it out.

• 1:02:07Speaker 06

  It was like fourth quarter Kobe, just like towel over the head.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  What I'm telling you, the night before.

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  Oh, amazing. Remember that club that had like the things projected on the wall? And you could like see, you could see the, they're not like, um, I don't even know what you would call them. Like the smoke machine allowed you to see the light, the lasers projected.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  One of our friends was having a panic attack. Ben Yada, who's the coolest, calmest dude on the planet, was like, sitting next to him, just trying to like, regulate him. It was adorable. Mark was feeling emotions for the first time in his autistic life.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  And then.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  And I was being super gushy, but still hedging. Like, I was going to other people, I was like, hey dude, I know it's just the Molly, but I do love you.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Which is like the gangster way to do drugs. Be like, hey, I know this is just a drug.

• 1:02:59Speaker 00

  That is fire. I relate to that so much.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  Like, I know I'm being extra now, but like, I do, like, you're sick.

• 1:03:06Speaker 06

  But that's what you were, like, that's the shit you regret the next day. You wake up and you're like, holy shit, I was like really nice and vulnerable and honest to someone.

• 1:03:15Speaker 06

  Is that where you were crying?

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  No, I love that.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  I don't even know.

• 1:03:17Speaker 06

  That's why I was crying.

• 1:03:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, what were you so sad about?

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  I don't even remember. It was such a good night where it just like, fuck, man.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  And then, remember, we tried to like sweat it out. We were in the pool for a while and then we moved to the sauna.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  And we're like, yeah, maybe we can sweat out our sadness.

• 1:03:34Speaker 06

  It's worth a shot.

• 1:03:35Speaker 00

  I know. No. Oh, that was dark, dude.

• 1:03:38Speaker 06

  It's tough in there.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was fucking dark.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  The sauna gets dark. Dude, I almost passed out at a sauna one time. There was like, I was at, there's a rock climbing gym near us, and it has a communal sauna that's like six people, and it always gets packed with like fourteen to fifteen people. And there's like a ton of lore in that sauna. Like, apparently someone ate a burrito and it accidentally fell onto the rocks. Another guy had like a protein shake and thought it was water, so he tried to pour it on the rocks. So it's a protein shake and smoked everywhere. So it was just a legendary little spot. And I was in there on like a three day fast. And I hadn't eaten anything. I'm sitting in the sauna, it's like eight people, and everyone's like very chatty, we're talking. And then I just started to blackout. And I was just in the sauna like fighting for my life trying not to blackout. And everyone's like, Mark, you good?

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna pop out. And then like I walk out and my legs aren't working and my knees are shaking. And I just lay down in the middle of the gym.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Just like crucifixed out, just looking up at the sky like, I texted my wife and I was like, I love you.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  I swear to God. I thought it was, I thought that was it.

• 1:04:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, you almost died, motherfucker.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  I was like, I love you. She's like, love you too? What time are you home? And I was like, can't even respond right now. It's too much.

• 1:04:50Speaker 06

  Was it like a spiritual experience you were having?

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Speaker 06

  Or you just think you were gonna die?

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  No, it was near death and I saw everything flash. I saw the whole thing.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Ask, uh, ask Mark about his, uh, latest ecstasy experience.

• 1:05:02Speaker 06

  What about your latest ecstasy experience?

• 1:05:05Mark Gagnon?

  You told him to talk about it.

• 1:05:07Speaker 06

  I was just trying to keep him all. Appreciate that.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  He didn't talk for like four hours straight. He's he just sat there just pondering life. You were in a bad place, dude.

• 1:05:16Speaker 06

  No, okay.

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  You were in a bad fucking place. I'm not even exaggerating. You kept asking questions like, what is happening to me? Your hands were shaking. It was like, no, this is true. Why are you making shit? I'm not even doing the thing where I exaggerate.

• 1:05:27Mark Gagnon?

  You're getting red, so he's he's.

• 1:05:32Mark Gagnon?

  He's like, yo, you talking about some shit you don't want to talk about right now.

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  He kept Googling things like, what is this common side effects of this drug? You kept like asking us like, are you also feeling this?

• 1:05:42Speaker 06

  I did?

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  Do you not remember this?

• 1:05:45Speaker 06

  I have no, I can't tell him it's probably me. I don't know. But afterwards, that was bad.

• 1:05:50Speaker 05

  This is where you were on stage and then you come off stage and go, I just watched myself do that from a third person view.

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Afterwards, when it was bad. So I think I got what they call HPPD. Or DPD something. It's basically derealization where like all of a sudden you feel like you're watching yourself. And like you feel like you're not really in your body. I got all types of.

• 1:06:11Mark Gagnon?

  This is not ecstasy. What the fuck did you guys have? Yeah, like, what the fuck did you guys have?

• 1:06:16Speaker 00

  I got that once in college.

• 1:06:17Mark Gagnon?

  I had ayahuasca.

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:19Speaker 00

  No, weed. I got it from brownies. We made brownies and I was high for like 48 hours or 72 hours.

• 1:06:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 00

  And I was like a few seconds behind my body. So like everything would happen. And then I would kind of realize it happened.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  And I remember this is this has been going on for like a few hours. Like I'd watch the guys play FIFA and then they'd score a goal. And like I kind of hear them celebrate and then I'd see the goal score. It was very weird.

• 1:06:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  But I remember like, I was like, man, I gotta throw up. And then I went, oh shit, I'm probably already throwing up. And it was everywhere.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  Everywhere. Like I got up out of the room and then just projectile all down the hallway into the bathroom. And it was because I was a few seconds back.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Did you, did you clean it up?

• 1:07:10Speaker 00

  I don't even know what happened with that. I think, I think we moved or something. It was crazy. It was like spaghetti. No, it was ramen noodles everywhere and I haven't had ramen since.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, like I had a bad, uh, bad memory with it. It was like trauma.

• 1:07:24Speaker 06

  Weed edibles are one of the most underrated drugs in terms of how fucked up you can get. Like you're psychologically out to lunch. And when it goes great, it's awesome. But, uh, but I think we've all spent a lot of time in like high school and college just freaking out.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Speaker 06

  Like your story about watching people play FIFA, I've definitely been watching people playing video games, like trying to pretend I'm having fun. I'm having an existential crisis and just like, huh huh, just like laughing at random times, trying to stay involved.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  Why did I laugh right there? Why did I do that?

• 1:07:54Speaker 06

  Exactly. Yeah. I'm having a problem.

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  It's too introspective.

• 1:07:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:58Speaker 00

  Like I want to get out. I spent enough time in here.

• 1:08:01Mark Gagnon?

  We grew up at the time, they're trying to figure the edibles out. Now they have it figured out. Like now it's like, oh, what dose do you want? How much do you want?

• 1:08:09Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 1:08:09Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, yeah. You can get the little five milligram.

• 1:08:11Speaker 06

  Dosage, it's great. We used to be just eating a random brownies.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is what all of our parents are taking, by the way. Everyone's parents are doing edibles.

• 1:08:18Mark Gagnon?

  Yep.

• 1:08:19Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  And they're pretending that they're not on drugs all the time, but everyone's parents are doing drugs.

• 1:08:23Mark Gagnon?

  Yep.

• 1:08:24Speaker 00

  When you say everyone's, are you implying that your parents are doing edibles?

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  My parents, your parents, your parents probably.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 1:08:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  My mom, they'll be like, oh, I'm just gonna take a gummy so I can go to sleep. That's what they say. But they're doing pot.

• 1:08:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Speaker 00

  My mom's just drinking forties. She's not on the edibles at all.

• 1:08:44Mark Gagnon?

  I like that she stays consistent though.

• 1:08:46Speaker 00

  No, she's always been on the forties. My parents refrigerator looks like a heroin addict. It's like, there's like some like random bread that's supposed to not have carbs in it.

• 1:08:55Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  And then.

• 1:08:56Speaker 06

  Like keto bread, it's like hero bread.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like hero bread. Yeah. I see that. It's like all this stuff for my dad's diabetes and then just like a bottle of Stoli. And I'm like, oh, I wonder who that's from.

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  Wonder who's taking that to the face at night?

• 1:09:10Speaker 06

  Is she, is she drinking Old English? What does she drink?

• 1:09:12Speaker 00

  She used to drink, uh, forties. Yeah. Old English. Yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  That is wild.

• 1:09:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's to help her sleep.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Help her sleep.

• 1:09:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's to help her sleep.

• 1:09:19Speaker 06

  Alcohol is famously good for your sleep.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Good for helping, sweetie.

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  It does knock you out.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I would come back at like two when I like live with my parents and then my mom would be just up just drinking a fucking forty of Coors Light or Old English.

• 1:09:34Speaker 06

  That would be startling.

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's startling for me. Imagine the girl that walked in and found out I live with my parents and that they drink forties at two in the morning. I had a girl turn around at the door and was like, "Do you want to play dice?" Turned around at the door. I was like, "Oh, hey, mom." And then the girl was like, "Who's that?" And I was like, "Oh, that's my mom." And my mom just turns around with a forty like, "Oh, Nate."

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  What do you think she told her friends the next day? She was like, "I banged the dude who lives with a pirate."

• 1:10:05Speaker 00

  No, she didn't turn around at the door. She went right back in the elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't believe it.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  That's great. Do you sidebar with your mom? Or are you like, "All right, well, it's nothing I can say."

• 1:10:16Speaker 06

  I'm just fearing the hose.

• 1:10:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was just a thing where like my mom wouldn't like have like a cellphone or anything. So it'd just be like, "If we go back late enough, maybe she'll be asleep."

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Oh, wow, just roll the dice.

• 1:10:32Speaker 00

  She was up, bro. She was up, man. Drinking forties, watching old Balanchine ballets.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Speaker 06

  She was literally just watching ballet?

• 1:10:42Speaker 00

  She'd be watching like

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  Is she upset about the Chalamet?

• 1:10:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, she'd be pissed about Chalamet.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  Furious?

• 1:10:49Speaker 00

  But they didn't get upset. What was it? Is it ballet and opera people don't go to anymore? That's what he was saying?

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  Come on, they don't go.

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  Okay, well, so, all right.

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  Shelton, we don't need that. We don't need that.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  What'd you say about Shelton?

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

  I come from a dance family. You have to understand. I come from a dance family.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  You know our fans love ballet.

• 1:11:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  The flagrant fans are big.

• 1:11:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, we don't need that heat, right?

• 1:11:10Speaker 06

  Someone just dropped a cracker in their kitchen.

• 1:11:14Speaker 00

  Put the charity up. Put the charity up.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  You gotta get your mom with edibles, dude. I think she would like it.

• 1:11:22Mark Gagnon?

  Charlie, low dose, five milligrams.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe two and a half. I'm a bitch with edibles.

• 1:11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know. My mom, my mom tried to do, uh, uh, weed with my brother, like, instead of telling him to not do it. She's like, you know what?

• 1:11:37Mark Gagnon?

  So old just now, try to do weed.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  She tried to smoke with my brother to like, alright, he's gonna do whatever, I'm just gonna embrace it so I can like do it with him, right? And, um, he went to a lot of rehabs after that, so I don't know if it's the best. I don't know if it's the best. The best thing to enable.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  It didn't work for him, but for her, it was a miracle.

• 1:11:58Speaker 06

  Maybe not.

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  Alcohol's the best thing for the Scots. They, they hold it in and then they just need that release and then this is...

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  You would think they would like weed, considering they're like basically Jamaican.

• 1:12:06Speaker 00

  That's the Irish, brother.

• 1:12:08Mark Gagnon?

  That's Irish.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  Oh, that guy's Irish?

• 1:12:09Speaker 00

  The Scots, they're not really Jamaican. The Scots are... The Irish are super Jamaican.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  Did you see this video?

• 1:12:17Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  The guy from Cork? That's where he's from, right?

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  It's great. It's a politician.

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's basically talking in like the Irish...

• 1:12:25Speaker 00

  Congress.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  Congress, whatever the hell that is. And his accent is just genuinely Jamaican.

• 1:12:31Speaker 06

  Oh, so it's like the bacon beer can thing?

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  But like, it, it's just a guy doing a Jamaican accent.

• 1:12:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  And it went...

• 1:12:40Speaker 00

  Jamaicans love it.

• 1:12:41Speaker 06

  They're fired up.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:12:42Speaker 06

  They haven't been this happy since Chet Hanks.

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Exactly. This is like the real Chet Hanks.

• 1:12:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  This guy was born with it.

• 1:12:49Speaker 00

  Here it is, go.

• 1:13:03Speaker 01

  I mean, that's his actual accent.

• 1:13:04Speaker 06

  It rules.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:13:06Speaker 06

  That's awesome.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. Kind of the best thing ever. It's just white boys with Jamaican accents. I mean, come on.

• 1:13:12Speaker 00

  But is that where the Jamaican accent comes from?

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  I feel like that's what people are trying to say. Because I think they're saying that like Irish servants and West African slaves were in Jamaica...

• 1:13:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Under English colonial rule.

• 1:13:26Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  And they were just big upping each other just nonstop.

• 1:13:28Speaker 06

  See, this is the difference between me and Mark, because he's looked into it. I was just gonna say, no, I don't think so. No, I think they just ended up there. Yeah, parallel thinking. Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  English language can only go so many ways. You know what I mean? You're gonna end.

• 1:13:41Speaker 06

  But this is the first time we've had that thought. I mean, aside, you know, bacon beer can, but like, we don't walk around hearing Irish people and thinking Jamaican.

• 1:13:47Speaker 00

  You're right, Mark. The Jewish.

• 1:13:50Speaker 06

  Wait, no, no.

• 1:13:51Speaker 00

  Jamaican accent and pettois. Uh, developed from a 17th century Creole blending British Irish English dialects with West African languages. Enslaved people adapted the language of British colonists, incorporating African grammatical structures, phonetic patterns and vocabulary, the distinctive. What is that word, lillet?

• 1:14:10Speaker 06

  Lillet.

• 1:14:11Speaker 00

  Lilt. I think the Irish probably deserve some reparations.

• 1:14:14Speaker 06

  So do black people. We do black people and the Irish.

• 1:14:17Speaker 00

  I, I think there's an argument.

• 1:14:18Mark Gagnon?

  A really drunk late night thought one time. I was like, the Irish are the closest to being black because they got the freckles. So they're in the middle of evolution.

• 1:14:28Speaker 06

  They're on the path.

• 1:14:29Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:30Speaker 06

  They're trying to get there.

• 1:14:32Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:14:32Speaker 06

  I mean, if I train my hair, this redheads are. Could be a black man.

• 1:14:37Speaker 00

  I think you guys skipped over what he actually said, which was crazy.

• 1:14:43Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Well, it depends with where you're going.

• 1:14:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm going that way.

• 1:14:46Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:14:47Speaker 00

  That's not what you're going.

• 1:14:48Mark Gagnon?

  Migrate north and then you lose some of your complexion.

• 1:14:51Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:14:51Mark Gagnon?

  And they're currently in the middle of losing their complexion.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  Got it. Okay.

• 1:14:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:55Speaker 00

  You just said evolution and people thinking of charts.

• 1:14:57Mark Gagnon?

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:14:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  Like Pokemon.

• 1:15:00Speaker 06

  Maybe? No.

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:15:03Mark Gagnon?

  I don't know about.

• 1:15:05Speaker 06

  Charity. Charity. Yeah.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  It's been on screen for about 12 minutes.

• 1:15:10Speaker 06

  NCAA for that one.

• 1:15:11Speaker 01

  NCAA? You got it?

• 1:15:13Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  No, you got it.

• 1:15:14Speaker 06

  Oh, my God. It's also an organization that disproportionately supports black people.

• 1:15:20Speaker 00

  No, Alex.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  No, Al, you got it.

• 1:15:21Speaker 00

  Oh, Alex.

• 1:15:24Mark Gagnon?

  Guys, it's my time.

• 1:15:29Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 1:15:31Speaker 06

  Playmark Madness, the song by Future.

• 1:15:35Speaker 00

  That is a good point, though. What has put more, what has given black people more opportunity to put more money in their pockets than the NCAA? That's a great point. You think it's the NLACP or the NCAA? These days? Yeah. With the NIL contracts?

• 1:15:50Mark Gagnon?

  With the NIL, yeah, yeah, yeah. But prior to NIL.

• 1:15:53Speaker 06

  Prior to that, different conversation.

• 1:15:55Speaker 00

  Totally different conversation.

• 1:15:56Speaker 06

  College athletes were like the Irish for a long time.

• 1:15:59Speaker 00

  Pentre servitude.

• 1:16:00Speaker 06

  It's right.

• 1:16:00Speaker 00

  It's true.

• 1:16:01Speaker 06

  Outside, even.

• 1:16:02Speaker 00

  That's a good point.

• 1:16:03Speaker 06

  Ally. NCAA.

• 1:16:07Speaker 00

  Al.

• 1:16:08Mark Gagnon?

  So I have one.

• 1:16:10Speaker 06

  One and up.

• 1:16:11Mark Gagnon?

  You have one and up?

• 1:16:12Speaker 00

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• 1:18:03Speaker 00

  There were some other things that you had for us.

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, we have some more hypotheticals if you want to go through those, which I don't think you do.

• 1:18:11Speaker 00

  No, I thought that got us on a nice little groove, to be honest with you.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, all right, let's pop back. Let's go back to these Reddit hypotheticals. All right, resume in real quick. Let's see another one.

• 1:18:19Speaker 00

  Iran.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 1:18:21Speaker 00

  Can't talk about Iran.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  Scroll up a little bit. Oh, this one is the, the, "My friend drank my wine." This one's kind of funny. So basically, in short.

• 1:18:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:18:29Speaker 01

  A guy's leaving for the weekend. He has an apartment, he has his friend staying, and he's gonna take care of the apartment.

• 1:18:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  He goes, "Hey, help yourself to anything."

• 1:18:37Speaker 00

  He's guilty.

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  He comes back.

• 1:18:40Speaker 06

  He lives there?

• 1:18:42Speaker 01

  He lives there, but he's leaving, and he has his friend staying with him. He's gonna take care of the cat and stay at his place.

• 1:18:46Speaker 06

  Got it, okay, okay, yeah.

• 1:18:47Speaker 01

  He comes back, he has a $200 bottle of wine that he was saving in the fridge to drink when he got a promotion. The bottle of wine is drained.

• 1:18:54Speaker 06

  $200 and in the fridge, $200 bottle of white, I imagine?

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  Some, it's some type of wine.

• 1:18:59Speaker 00

  Vintage Barolo, it's a red, the guy's, yeah, he, it's, the guy's a retarded person. And I already dismiss his grievance, but continue.

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  He says, "Help yourself to whatever." He comes back, the wine is gone, and he's like, "Dude, you drank my expensive bottle of wine, what the fuck?" And the guy's like, "Yeah, you said help yourself to whatever." And then he Venmo requests him and says, "Hey, give me 80 bucks, I'll give you a deal on it, but like, pay me something." And now the friend is bad mouthing him to the whole group chat, saying he's a piece of shit.

• 1:19:26Speaker 00

  Sounds to me like he's not getting this promotion.

• 1:19:31Mark Gagnon?

  That's what it.

• 1:19:31Speaker 00

  Because if he got the promotion, I don't think he'd be worried about the $120 bottle of wine.

• 1:19:35Mark Gagnon?

  But it's more the principle.

• 1:19:37Speaker 00

  It's not the principle. You said, "Take whatever you want." The classy thing to be, to do would be to replace the bottle of wine, obviously. That's what you should do. So this guy's kind of a [BLEEP] for drinking it and then not wanting to at least, you know, leave a gift or something like that.

• 1:19:52Mark Gagnon?

  He's not a [BLEEP] for drinking it, because the guy said, "Hey, have whatever you want." He didn't know, he didn't know prior, "Hey, I'm saving this bottle of wine for something."

• 1:20:00Speaker 00

  He probably doesn't know the cost of the wine. He just sees wine out in his fridge.

• 1:20:05Mark Gagnon?

  Or it doesn't look like it was in the fridge. I think it was just out on the counter.

• 1:20:07Speaker 00

  Nobody knows how much wine costs. It's so arbitrary. He's, he should have said this, "Hey, this bottle of wine is really expensive and there's no way that you would know it. Don't drink that one, but help yourself to everything else." If it was that important.

• 1:20:21Mark Gagnon?

  He'd have to say all that.

• 1:20:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, that is. You can't assume someone knows the price of a bottle.

• 1:20:27Mark Gagnon?

  I would replace, but if you say, "Help yourself to whatever you come home drunk."

• 1:20:30Speaker 00

  Imagine, for example, you had a Lenny Kravitz bottle of champagne, right? Like the finest.

• 1:20:37Mark Gagnon?

  Which has gone up in value per the last time we talked about this. Let everyone know.

• 1:20:40Speaker 00

  The finest champagne that exists on the planet.

• 1:20:42Mark Gagnon?

  It's a collectible.

• 1:20:43Speaker 00

  The Lenny Kravitz bottle of Moet Chandon or whatever it was, right?

• 1:20:48Mark Gagnon?

  Dom P, dude.

• 1:20:49Speaker 00

  Oh, Dom Perignon, but the, the Lenny Kravitz varietal.

• 1:20:53Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:53Speaker 00

  A grape that they've been curating for centuries, clearly.

• 1:20:56Mark Gagnon?

  Dark of the berry.

• 1:20:59Mark Gagnon?

  Moving on.

• 1:21:01Speaker 00

  That's a great point. No, it is a white. Now, now, now, if somebody drank your Lenny Kravitz bottle of champagne, do you have a justification in being frustrated by that?

• 1:21:14Mark Gagnon?

  I'd be livid, bro.

• 1:21:16Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 1:21:17Mark Gagnon?

  I'd be livid, dude.

• 1:21:19Speaker 00

  Alex?

• 1:21:20Mark Gagnon?

  No. I told him, "You can have anything in the crib. That's in the crib."

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  I think I'd be bummed, but you have to, you have to look inward. If you, if you tell people they can drink stuff. Yeah. Can't be mad when it happens. I'd be pissed. I'd want to run away. I don't want to fly away.

• 1:21:38Speaker 00

  This was Mark's wedding gift to me.

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  I, I'm aware. Which was a good gift. Yeah. It was a good, you remember this? No, I've listened to the podcast. You guys have talked about it. It was a good gift, okay? It was the only one they had. I went in, I was like, it was the first wedding gift I ever got anyone.

• 1:21:52Speaker 00

  Full stop.

• 1:21:53Speaker 01

  No, it was the first gift.

• 1:21:54Speaker 00

  You can't say it's a good gift and it's the only thing they had.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  Hold on.

• 1:21:57Speaker 00

  Those things are.

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  Also, there's usually a registry. You're supposed to be buying people like salad bowls. Bro, it was the first gift I ever gave anyone. In your life? For a wedding, yeah. I've never given anyone a wedding gift ever.

• 1:22:08Speaker 00

  Mark, you have 14 brothers and sisters.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  I don't give them gifts, bro.

• 1:22:12Speaker 00

  What do you do?

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  They just show up. You know, they was doing they thing before.

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Never mind.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  We spoke about it last time, you know?

• 1:22:25Speaker 01

  The Catholic girls were doing they thing. Wait, what? Before. Who is that? Let's just not. Political? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ballistic missile.

• 1:22:34Speaker 01

  Those are tomahawks. Cluster? But no, it's, it was the only one they had. I flew up to New York for one day to try to put it in the apartment. So I flew up, I was like, okay, when I got married. Effort don't count. Okay, when, when me and my wife. Bro, I've been trying to tell motherfuckers. That's what I'm talking about. Don't steal my fucking. Effort, effort don't count. Effort don't count. That's part of it.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  Effort don't count. Hey, you chose to do that. That's no, no, it's not. Effort should be a part of it. No, it's not. Because when I got married, we came home, our roommates got us like a nice gift in the apartment. It was like flowers and it was like a nice bottle of wine or champagne. And it was like, oh, a little reminder when we got home from, from. Yeah, they're your fucking roommate. So that was a gift for them as well. No, they didn't have it, you know what I mean? We just showed up and it was there and it was like, oh, nice. The honeymoon continues, you know? It was nice.

• 1:23:24Speaker 00

  Yo, remember when Mark acted out the?

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  I was at his fight, bro.

• 1:23:29Speaker 00

  What was the question?

• 1:23:37Speaker 00

  It was.

• 1:23:42Speaker 00

  Did I do that?

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  Alright, from the top, let me try again.

• 1:23:44Speaker 00

  Get a drink of Guinness, guys. You guys gotta get on this.

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  Let me try again. This is really nice.

• 1:23:47Speaker 00

  This Guinness is so nice, bro. I had ten! No, hold on. You gotta have the Irish! You come up the IRA.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  This guy.

• 1:23:55Speaker 00

  Oh my god, he's fucking Joey's! Google something.

• 1:23:59Speaker 01

  Two Joey's in one room is crazy.

• 1:24:01Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ!

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  Like I made a mistake. Imagine, you come home from your honeymoon and the wedding continues. And you have nice flowers.

• 1:24:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  And you have a collectible bottle of champagne.

• 1:24:11Speaker 00

  Do you want to share it?

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  Yes, please. You have a collectible bottle of champagne in your apartment?

• 1:24:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  That's a nice gift.

• 1:24:17Speaker 00

  Hold on, hold on. We gotta talk about one thing at a time. Alex is trying to understand the technology in the Guinness.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  There's a bottle, there's a little ball in there.

• 1:24:26Speaker 01

  There is a little ball in there. It helps keep the Guinness okay. Yeah, I don't know. No one knows how it works.

• 1:24:30Speaker 00

  It's a hydrogen.

• 1:24:33Speaker 00

  It's a hydrogen ball.

• 1:24:35Speaker 01

  It's a hydrogen ball. Keeps the Guinness okay.

• 1:24:37Speaker 00

  Oh, nitrogen, whoopsie.

• 1:24:38Speaker 01

  It is a hydrogen.

• 1:24:39Speaker 00

  I knew it was an hydrogen.

• 1:24:41Speaker 01

  No, it's an age ball. It's an age ball.

• 1:24:42Speaker 00

  I don't know what you gotta talk about.

• 1:24:44Speaker 01

  I still stand by the fact it was a nice gift. I, in hindsight, in hindsight, I did need to get the Lenny Kravitz edition.

• 1:24:50Speaker 00

  Hold on one second, Mark. It feels like there's one too few many Guinnesses here.

• 1:24:58Speaker 00

  Did you get another one?

• 1:24:59Speaker 01

  I, I think.

• 1:25:00Speaker 00

  Did you have one yet?

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  Alright, alright.

• 1:25:02Speaker 00

  Can you get a fucking Guinness, dude? We need one more from Mark.

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  I haven't seen this Schultz in a minute.

• 1:25:06Speaker 00

  Dude, I'm gonna love this Schultz.

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm back on the road like ten years ago. Schultz is blacking out.

• 1:25:11Speaker 00

  Nashville's gonna be fun. We're blacking out tonight. I got a date night with a new couple with the wife. It's gonna be great. And it's gonna be awesome. Let's go. Ballistic missiles.

• 1:25:20Speaker 01

  What the fuck is inside of a Guinness? Just tell me when you want me to.

• 1:25:22Speaker 00

  There's a nitrogen-filled widget-plastic sphere that releases gas when the can is opened, creating its signature creamy cascading head found in pub poured draft Guinness. It replaces the, it replicates the nitrogenation. Process, ensuring smooth, velvety texture at home. How do you not know that? Holy shit. Yeah, you learn something every day. I had no idea. What is that word? Nitrogenation?

• 1:25:49Speaker 01

  No, it's nitrogenation, bro. That's what we're all about.

• 1:25:52Speaker 00

  I'm all about nitrogenation.

• 1:25:53Speaker 01

  That's who we are. We're the nitrogenation, dude.

• 1:25:56Speaker 00

  Cheers, guys. No, I'm not cheersing that little cup, bro.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:59Speaker 00

  You guys are splitting a Guinness fifty-fifty?

• 1:26:02Speaker 01

  I gave him the rest of mine. Let's go to spray.

• 1:26:06Speaker 00

  Huh?

• 1:26:07Mark Gagnon?

  Nah, I just gave him the rest of my money.

• 1:26:08Speaker 00

  No, you have to drink a full Guinness to yourself.

• 1:26:10Mark Gagnon?

  I don't do beer. I'm gonna start peeing.

• 1:26:11Speaker 00

  This is not beer. This is Guinness.

• 1:26:13Speaker 06

  It's Guinness. It's a totally different concept.

• 1:26:14Speaker 00

  It is a literal, totally different thing. I promise you. You'll see it the second you put your lips on it. The second you suck down that black thing, you go...

• 1:26:24Speaker 00

  Does that taste like beer to you?

• 1:26:26Mark Gagnon?

  It's different. It's actually smoother.

• 1:26:28Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:26:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is smoother.

• 1:26:29Mark Gagnon?

  It doesn't have... What's the ones? The IPAs? I don't like those.

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  I hate that.

• 1:26:32Speaker 06

  This is like the opposite of that.

• 1:26:34Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:26:34Speaker 06

  And it's actually like, you would assume that this is like a heavy beer, but it's actually not. It's lighter.

• 1:26:40Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, I was thinking it was gonna be like...

• 1:26:42Speaker 00

  That's not...

• 1:26:42Speaker 06

  It's good for you.

• 1:26:43Speaker 00

  I don't believe it.

• 1:26:43Speaker 06

  This is true. It's a lighter in calories and alcohol.

• 1:26:46Speaker 00

  It's a lighter calorie beer.

• 1:26:47Speaker 06

  It's true.

• 1:26:47Speaker 00

  It's a lighter calorie beer.

• 1:26:49Speaker 06

  You know I'm ticklish.

• 1:26:50Speaker 00

  I know. Do you know the Indian Pale Ale? Do you know the story with this?

• 1:26:56Mark Gagnon?

  No, I didn't.

• 1:26:57Speaker 06

  Where is he?

• 1:26:59Speaker 00

  Do you guys know the story about the IPA, the Indian Pale Ale?

• 1:27:03Mark Gagnon?

  No, I don't.

• 1:27:04Speaker 00

  You don't know this?

• 1:27:05Mark Gagnon?

  I do not. I would like to know. Tell me.

• 1:27:09Speaker 00

  Okay. Where do I begin?

• 1:27:11Mark Gagnon?

  Let me give you enough time to come over. You a lie?

• 1:27:13Speaker 00

  It's not a lie. But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell you what's in my brain, and it will be about like 25% right, and then we'll Google it.

• 1:27:21Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:22Speaker 00

  Okay. The hops were going bad as they sent them to India from wherever hops are from.

• 1:27:29Mark Gagnon?

  Okay.

• 1:27:30Speaker 00

  Which I assume was Africa. Joke about Blackfield Jumping. Okay. So...

• 1:27:36Speaker 00

  So, no, no. As it's going from Britain to India, they're giving them beer. They're like, you guys should have fun. Like, we took all your shit, but you guys should have fun too. So, they're saying the hops, the hops are going bad. They gotta find a way to keep the hops good. So they put catfish in the hops.

• 1:27:54Speaker 06

  Okay. Can we try another version?

• 1:27:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, why would catfish go to India? The catfish keep the hops good for some reason, and that's why it goes that way.

• 1:28:09Speaker 00

  I'm not right, but there's something about it.

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  They just put more hops in it to keep it from going bad.

• 1:28:15Speaker 00

  And there's also catfish.

• 1:28:16Mark Gagnon?

  How does that make it not go bad?

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  Is there actually catfish?

• 1:28:20Speaker 05

  No, there's no catfish.

• 1:28:20Speaker 00

  There's a catfish part of it.

• 1:28:21Speaker 05

  There might be. I might not have gotten that far yet.

• 1:28:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta look into the catfish.

• 1:28:26Speaker 01

  Do you know the actual thing?

• 1:28:27Speaker 05

  But yeah, they're, they're brewed it with more hops so that it could survive the ship.

• 1:28:29Mark Gagnon?

  No, they put a nitrogenation thing in.

• 1:28:32Speaker 00

  No, they didn't have that yet. No catfish were not put in the hops in India. Oh.

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  It's a myth.

• 1:28:38Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  And it pops up online occasionally.

• 1:28:40Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 1:28:41Mark Gagnon?

  Holy shit.

• 1:28:42Speaker 00

  Well, look at the catfish myth.

• 1:28:44Mark Gagnon?

  Fucking crazy.

• 1:28:45Speaker 00

  Look at the catfish myth.

• 1:28:46Mark Gagnon?

  You just fucking wrote this in Google.

• 1:28:49Speaker 00

  No, look at the catfish myth.

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  It's a notorious myth.

• 1:28:52Speaker 06

  Chatty BT notoriously will tell you you're correct about this.

• 1:28:55Mark Gagnon?

  All the time, right?

• 1:28:56Speaker 06

  Yeah. And if it doesn't know the answer, it will lie to you and tell you it's true.

• 1:29:00Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:01Speaker 06

  These are two things I saw this week.

• 1:29:02Mark Gagnon?

  That's horrible for this guy.

• 1:29:03Speaker 06

  Could be lies.

• 1:29:06Speaker 01

  Okay, the IPA myth refers to a belief that IPA was invented because 18th century British pale Ale spoiled during the long voyage to India, requiring them to add extra hops and alcohol to preserve them.

• 1:29:18Speaker 00

  I don't think it says catfish anywhere.

• 1:29:20Speaker 01

  Well, not a widespread folklore. Evil catfish is a specific brand of IPA by, alright, this is a plug for this IPA brand.

• 1:29:27Speaker 05

  It's just got a free plug on the pod.

• 1:29:31Speaker 00

  Okay, well, you know what I'm probably doing is I'm, I'm, uh, I'm confusing two different stories.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Speaker 00

  There was something that they were sending over there. It was probably fish.

• 1:29:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:44Speaker 00

  And then they had to throw some catfish in there to keep those fish alive. Because those fish would atrophy and eventually die. But if they had a catfish trying to eat them, they'd be swimming around and they'd be okay.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  I mean, that sounds like a good, sounds like a good theory. Like barrels of fish.

• 1:30:00Speaker 00

  Tell me.

• 1:30:00Speaker 01

  Something like that.

• 1:30:01Speaker 00

  Tell me. Tell me.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  No, no, I think he's gonna find it.

• 1:30:06Speaker 00

  Tell me.

• 1:30:08Speaker 06

  It sounds right. It sounds, it sounds interesting. Yeah, I was dialed on it. I thought that was.

• 1:30:14Speaker 00

  That sounds fucking retarded. It did when I was saying it.

• 1:30:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:30:20Speaker 00

  What do you mean? It sounds like some, no it doesn't.

• 1:30:22Speaker 06

  Do catfish even eat other fish?

• 1:30:24Speaker 00

  Oh, you gotta keep the fish alive by having another fish fucking chase it?

• 1:30:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's true, because if it would eat the fish, then the fish would, they did, it would just die.

• 1:30:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they can only eat so many fish. And then the other fish are like, yo, we gotta keep swimming. This is true. There's a truth in this.

• 1:30:39Speaker 06

  There's something.

• 1:30:41Speaker 00

  There is a hidden truth to this. We have to figure out the story.

• 1:30:43Speaker 06

  It's a metaphor, maybe. Maybe it's just about kind of our own lives.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  We're, we're the catfish, in a way.

• 1:30:48Speaker 00

  In life, we are the catfish. Timmy, Timmy Chalamet.

• 1:30:51Speaker 06

  Fish in a barrel.

• 1:30:52Speaker 00

  Stop doing podcasts.

• 1:30:53Speaker 06

  No, I get you.

• 1:30:53Speaker 00

  Crabs.

• 1:30:54Speaker 06

  No, but this is fish.

• 1:30:56Speaker 00

  It's crabs in a barrel.

• 1:30:56Speaker 06

  This is fish.

• 1:30:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you guys can't, you know, whatever. I don't want to get into it. I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to play off stereotypes.

• 1:31:03Speaker 06

  But fish in a barrel.

• 1:31:04Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  Hmm. We're gonna move this to Patreon in a few seconds. I'm gonna try to.

• 1:31:09Speaker 00

  Can you put a charity? Can you put a charity?

• 1:31:13Speaker 06

  Catfish in need?

• 1:31:14Speaker 00

  Go, give me, give me, give me, do you have it?

• 1:31:18Speaker 00

  Fuck you. Alright, listen. There's something about the catfish. I'm gonna break on my phone. You guys entertain.

• 1:31:24Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 1:31:24Mark Gagnon?

  We gotta put, this is charity, put a A-P-A-C at the bottom.

• 1:31:30Speaker 01

  Isn't that a charity? Can you donate to them?

• 1:31:32Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:31:33Mark Gagnon?

  Definitely, you know.

• 1:31:34Speaker 06

  I guess you could, right?

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  You could, probably. Donate back, depending on what you're into.

• 1:31:38Mark Gagnon?

  They give back.

• 1:31:39Speaker 01

  Isn't that nice?

• 1:31:40Speaker 06

  Whether you like it or not.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  It's nice to see a charity give back.

• 1:31:43Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, they give back.

• 1:31:44Speaker 01

  That's kind of thoughtful.

• 1:31:45Speaker 06

  Now, we talked about Chalamet. Do you guys have any interest in the Oscars?

• 1:31:49Mark Gagnon?

  Joey, shut up.

• 1:31:53Speaker 06

  Just trying to get us out of catfish.

• 1:31:57Speaker 06

  No, no, I know nothing about the Oscars.

• 1:32:00Mark Gagnon?

  I have nothing, I know.

• 1:32:00Speaker 06

  No, I don't either, but it's like, I, I.

• 1:32:04Speaker 06

  Well, I'm just, but it's a big thing that people care about, so I was just curious if you guys do.

• 1:32:08Mark Gagnon?

  Uh-oh, you got a finger in there, guys.

• 1:32:10Speaker 06

  I'll watch it, though. I feel like I'm obligated to watch it.

• 1:32:14Speaker 00

  Catfish were historically used in fish transport containers, but probably not for the reason most people think. When live fish were transported, especially by ship or rail in the 19th and 20th centuries, before women, nothing. They were often kept in large tanks or barrels with circulating water. In some cases, a catfish was added to the tank with other fish such as cod, perch, or carp. Why catfish? Let me do it like Mark. Why? Why?

• 1:32:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:32:42Speaker 00

  Catfish are extremely hardy and behave differently than many schooling fish. Two commonly cited reasons: they keep other fish moving. Catfish are bottom dwelling scavengers that would constantly move around. Their presence would disturb the other fish, preventing them from becoming lethargic or sinking or suffocating in the stagnant conditions. Movement meant water circulating through their gills, which improves survival during transport. They also clean the tank. Catfish also eat scraps and waste, which help keep water slightly cleaner during long journeys. That's the story of Indian pale ale.

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  I feel like I read it the same way you read it. We read it the same way. We both are reading them, but like, some energy is animated, you know?

• 1:33:31Speaker 00

  Did I do a good job?

• 1:33:32Speaker 01

  I think you did a good job.

• 1:33:33Speaker 00

  Guys, can we just act? Can we just get, can we do some acting?

• 1:33:37Speaker 01

  You don't want to do this. Every time we drink, he tries to do scene work.

• 1:33:40Speaker 00

  Can we do some scene work, dude?

• 1:33:42Speaker 06

  You and I are both working actors.

• 1:33:44Speaker 00

  Yo, can we talk about your thing or is that?

• 1:33:46Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:33:46Speaker 00

  Is that out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's in a huge show.

• 1:33:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:33:49Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:33:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, Vince Vaughn starring, Bad Monkey.

• 1:33:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:33:52Speaker 00

  Coming out on Apple. Massive.

• 1:33:55Speaker 01

  I'll be in season two.

• 1:33:56Speaker 00

  And, well, season one is...

• 1:33:58Speaker 06

  Season one's out, but I'll be in season two.

• 1:34:00Speaker 00

  Season two also. This is...

• 1:34:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:34:02Speaker 00

  Bill Lawrence. Do you guys know who Bill Lawrence is? Would you like to rifle off some credit for Bill Lawrence?

• 1:34:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm taking this seriously.

• 1:34:08Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, no.

• 1:34:09Speaker 06

  No, he's like a, he's like a king in the TV game. He's literally Scrubs, Ted Lasso, Spin City, Shrinking. Yeah, lost me.

• 1:34:17Speaker 01

  You don't know Ted Lasso?

• 1:34:19Mark Gagnon?

  No, the first two I did, but then the third one I didn't.

• 1:34:22Speaker 01

  Oh, Shrinking?

• 1:34:23Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:23Speaker 06

  It's great.

• 1:34:24Speaker 01

  Spin City, back in the day when we were kids, that was, was more of a, it was a white.

• 1:34:28Speaker 06

  He wrote on Friends back in the day and he's like, yeah, he's, he's a go. A show with no black people.

• 1:34:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:34:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:34:35Speaker 00

  Well, okay.

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  There was black people.

• 1:34:37Speaker 06

  He didn't run that show, it wasn't his show. Stand up for my guy.

• 1:34:42Speaker 01

  Wait a minute, was there no black people on Friends?

• 1:34:44Mark Gagnon?

  No, it was a thing.

• 1:34:50Speaker 06

  It's kind of in the name.

• 1:34:55Speaker 00

  New York City, not a single white person, come on guys, it's very accurate.

• 1:35:00Speaker 01

  That is hilarious.

• 1:35:01Speaker 06

  It's actually crazy, like, living in New York and then thinking about the concept of a show and it's like a bunch of people in New York who always go to a coffee shop next to Central Park? Like, I don't, I don't know.

• 1:35:12Speaker 00

  Look, it, that, I don't think that's, I actually think that the show is like probably a good representation of like that group of people in New York. You know, like, I think that, like, when you watch Friends and you see that group, are you surprised at all that they don't have minority friends?

• 1:35:29Mark Gagnon?

  No, not necessarily, but they would have interacted with.

• 1:35:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they don't.

• 1:35:34Mark Gagnon?

  Egrudgingly. Even that.

• 1:35:36Speaker 00

  But the show is Friends. You know what I mean?

• 1:35:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:35:39Speaker 00

  Like, there are these little pockets in New York that I think that represents really well. Like, I don't know if there are black people in Seinfeld.

• 1:35:45Speaker 06

  There's not.

• 1:35:46Speaker 00

  No, there is, no, there is black people in Seinfeld.

• 1:35:49Speaker 06

  I bet you there's more black people in Friends.

• 1:35:50Mark Gagnon?

  Nope, let's put, I'll put money on that.

• 1:35:52Speaker 01

  Who's the black guy in Seinfeld?

• 1:35:54Speaker 06

  Fuck. Kramer doesn't count.

• 1:35:58Speaker 01

  As long as he had the pass.

• 1:36:01Mark Gagnon?

  It was the parking lot guy that like Kramer.

• 1:36:04Speaker 00

  He took over. Kramer took over for the parking lot guy.

• 1:36:07Mark Gagnon?

  I'm pretty sure he was.

• 1:36:08Speaker 06

  There's one episode where a guy has a working, blue collar job.

• 1:36:11Mark Gagnon?

  Hey. The point is, the point is, these, these parts of New York were the ones that were put on television. Oh, is that the guy?

• 1:36:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:21Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:36:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, Johnny Cochran.

• 1:36:26Mark Gagnon?

  Come on. Jackie Charles.

• 1:36:29Speaker 00

  Jackie Charles.

• 1:36:29Mark Gagnon?

  What was that? Another guy? See, Seinfeld had way more.

• 1:36:33Speaker 06

  I have kind of realized Mark has set up a Friends existence for him in New York. And I've set up a Seinfeld because me and my wife live in a building, okay? In the same building, two of my best friends from high school live. And so we get to have that kind of Seinfeld burst through the door energy. Mark goes to a coffee shop every day and meets with the same.

• 1:36:53Mark Gagnon?

  Wait, wait, what?

• 1:36:56Mark Gagnon?

  Actually, yeah.

• 1:36:57Speaker 06

  Hold on.

• 1:36:57Mark Gagnon?

  I went to that coffee shop and I was like, whoa, am I allowed here, guys?

• 1:37:01Speaker 06

  Is there?

• 1:37:02Mark Gagnon?

  No.

• 1:37:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, they work there, but they are like, but they're.

• 1:37:05Mark Gagnon?

  Not even that.

• 1:37:06Speaker 06

  He did get fired, but he got fired, but they did for a long time. Okay, it's not my fault.

• 1:37:11Speaker 00

  You move here and you recreate your life from where you were from.

• 1:37:15Speaker 06

  Yes, exactly.

• 1:37:16Mark Gagnon?

  Mm hmm. Catfish.

• 1:37:20Speaker 06

  Exactly. We're trying to lure you guys in. If you bring some catfish, you might show up. All that to say, I do go to the coffee shop a lot. And we go with the same group of people every single morning.

• 1:37:28Mark Gagnon?

  Hmm.

• 1:37:29Speaker 06

  And it's basically Friends. It's really cool. It's a cool community. You see this, you got an old guy, you know, you have babies.

• 1:37:37Mark Gagnon?

  I went there once and I was like, this is a TV show. They're all characters there.

• 1:37:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's nice. Miles goes.

• 1:37:43Mark Gagnon?

  Okay, before we move on.

• 1:37:45Speaker 06

  Wait, we're talking about Joey acting.

• 1:37:46Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:37:47Speaker 06

  It's fun if you want.

• 1:37:48Speaker 00

  Miles?

• 1:37:52Mark Gagnon?

  And Miles is off his game today, bro.

• 1:37:54Speaker 00

  Miles?

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  Miles is the only one that's not black.

• 1:37:59Speaker 00

  We should have said that Miles is black from the beginning.

• 1:38:02Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:38:02Speaker 05

  Oh, that would have kept me off camera and just said, oh.

• 1:38:04Speaker 01

  That's a great idea.

• 1:38:05Mark Gagnon?

  For like a year, they thought I was white.

• 1:38:07Speaker 00

  Wait, did you just? They still think that Chris Moreau is Asian. I'm an idiot.

• 1:38:11Mark Gagnon?

  But in early flagrant day, they thought I was white.

• 1:38:13Speaker 00

  They thought you were white?

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  Did you hear Miles's little camera thing?

• 1:38:17Speaker 00

  Oh, boy.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  This is such a funny little.

• 1:38:19Speaker 00

  What is it?

• 1:38:20Speaker 01

  No, Miles obviously has the camera, just in case, you know, he says something really funny people want to see. You know, I mean, he gets people looped into the action.

• 1:38:27Speaker 05

  No one wants to see.

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  And no, people want to see.

• 1:38:28Speaker 05

  Nah, people want to see.

• 1:38:29Speaker 01

  I get a lot of bad comments. People are demanding it, dude.

• 1:38:31Speaker 05

  Get the ham sandwich off screen.

• 1:38:33Speaker 01

  People want it.

• 1:38:34Speaker 00

  I can't laugh because I'll pee, go.

• 1:38:39Mark Gagnon?

  I told you, Bear.

• 1:38:40Speaker 01

  The last episode, Miles said a really funny joke right at the very beginning before he turned his camera on.

• 1:38:45Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. But you need.

• 1:38:48Speaker 00

  Did you recreate that show?

• 1:38:49Speaker 05

  Sometimes I'll film a pickup.

• 1:38:50Speaker 00

  Oh, my.

• 1:38:51Speaker 01

  Oh, he's filming pickups?

• 1:38:53Speaker 00

  Alone.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  Producer pickups?

• 1:38:55Speaker 00

  No fucking way.

• 1:38:57Speaker 05

  Now, mind you.

• 1:38:58Speaker 00

  Alone in the studio. We can do retakes?

• 1:39:02Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 1:39:02Speaker 00

  All right, let me do a retake.

• 1:39:05Speaker 00

  Indian pale ale.

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  That was a long one. That was a long story.

• 1:39:10Speaker 00

  So the organization.

• 1:39:15Speaker 00

  Get it right. Get it right out. I hate cocaine and all drugs.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  Now, what is it?

• 1:39:22Speaker 00

  What's the organization called out there?

• 1:39:23Speaker 01

  Three, two, and action.

• 1:39:25Speaker 00

  NAACP.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  Nice. There we go. Clock it.

• 1:39:36Speaker 00

  Yo, when you first asked me, they damn.

• 1:39:42Speaker 00

  Come on, I got this. I got this. I got this.

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  The lady is a dog.

• 1:39:48Speaker 00

  Keeps barking waking up the baby. Alright. Can we just add that in, Miles?

• 1:39:52Mark Gagnon?

  No. He's retelling it not in a gay flamboyant way that he would do it before.

• 1:39:58Speaker 00

  I did it pretty good before. Mark. Anyway. Do you need to pee? So badly. I need to know real quick. Before we go to Patreon. Why? Because I need to know, Mark.

• 1:40:09Mark Gagnon?

  You look mad sus right now.

• 1:40:13Speaker 00

  I gotta hold it in.

• 1:40:14Mark Gagnon?

  This is crazy. He's hanging on to it.

• 1:40:17Speaker 00

  I gotta push it down. I gotta squeeze the hole.

• 1:40:22Mark Gagnon?

  Dude, we should get a urinal in here. So you never have to leave.

• 1:40:25Speaker 00

  No, I used to do that when I was about to nut.

• 1:40:29Speaker 00

  With this one girl so long ago.

• 1:40:32Speaker 00

  I would pinch my hole closed. Upon nutting. And I thought that that stopped it. So you came yourself? I came in.

• 1:40:44Speaker 00

  In me, bro. Why they call him the solo creep pie? The eclair.

• 1:40:50Speaker 00

  Can I be honest with you? Like, as I reflect on this, like, 20 years later, I think that's why my sperm doesn't swim, because they're like, what's the point?

• 1:40:58Mark Gagnon?

  What's the point? You broke it. You need catfish.

• 1:41:06Speaker 00

  I nutted in me, bro. The sperms are like, yo, I thought you were leaving. I was like, yeah, I know. We're supposed to go. U-turn. Dude, I would pinch it. I'd just pinch it closed. And then I would just keep pumping.

• 1:41:19Speaker 00

  Pinch it closed, keep pumping. But it's gotta go somewhere. Mine didn't. Mine did. You know what it would look like? Have you ever seen, like, an albatross collect fish from the water? You know how their gullet just fills? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what would happen with the bottom of my dick. It would just pinch it closed. And the bottom would just fill like that. Hell, yeah. Would it just fall out? No, I think it stayed in the condom. It's still there to this day. Yeah. Anyway, I recommend that.

• 1:41:49Speaker 00

  Alright. I recommend that. Okay, so. Were you gonna ask us something? Yeah, I was gonna ask you. I was gonna ask you. Can you tell me? Oh, I gotta pee so bad, though.

• 1:41:59Mark Gagnon?

  Alright, alright, you go pee. Joe do the funs. We'll go to Patreon.

• 1:42:02Speaker 00

  He's got it, bro. He's got it. I got it, though. I'm gonna go pee. I'm gonna go pee. But then, when I come back, we're not going to Patreon yet. No. Because I gotta make a pee pee.

• 1:42:18Speaker 00

  Al, Al, Al, Al, Al, Al.

• 1:42:22Speaker 00

  I gotta, Al, I gotta pee, dude. It's gonna be one of those peas where it doesn't even come out immediately.

• 1:42:27Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:42:28Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, those are the best ones.

• 1:42:29Speaker 06

  Plug gates.

• 1:42:30Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah. Yeah, when it comes out though, it's like, it's like a quarter of a nut.

• 1:42:35Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:42:36Mark Gagnon?

  It feels, it feels good. It's like a quarter of the field, you know?

• 1:42:39Speaker 06

  Quarter's maybe a little high.

• 1:42:40Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah, quarter's high, right?

• 1:42:41Speaker 00

  Quarter of a nut?

• 1:42:45Mark Gagnon?

  I don't get many of those, man. Maybe I got a little prostate issue, I don't know, something's going on.

• 1:42:51Speaker 00

  Hi, I jerked off today, man.

• 1:42:54Speaker 06

  You had a question?

• 1:42:57Speaker 00

  I got a question for you guys.

• 1:42:59Speaker 06

  Jerking off and having two Guinesses pre 3pm is a wild day. And fighting about Israel-Palestine.

• 1:43:06Speaker 00

  Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something?

• 1:43:09Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:11Speaker 00

  I jerked off today and I opened my, I was in the shower, I opened my eyes for the nut, cuz I, it's been so long. And I'm like, I gotta see where this goes, like this, there's, this could be.

• 1:43:23Mark Gagnon?

  Might be, might be some distance, right?

• 1:43:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, I opened my eyes, that shit just dribbled down my fucking hand, dude.

• 1:43:32Speaker 06

  Did a U-turn?

• 1:43:33Speaker 00

  Damn. It's a U-turn. First one, it just came out a little and I was kinda like bummed about it. The next one? Air.

• 1:43:42Speaker 06

  Oh no.

• 1:43:45Speaker 06

  You doubled down?

• 1:43:48Speaker 00

  No, no, in all seriousness?

• 1:43:49Mark Gagnon?

  Hand glide is crazy.

• 1:43:56Speaker 00

  No, that shit went, bro.

• 1:43:57Mark Gagnon?

  That's crazy.

• 1:43:58Speaker 00

  That shit went. I still got it a little bit. I just gotta wait for like, I gotta, I gotta hold off about two months.

• 1:44:07Speaker 00

  If I wanted to fly, I gotta back up in two months.

• 1:44:10Mark Gagnon?

  Bad judgment.

• 1:44:13Mark Gagnon?

  Fuck you, Miles.

• 1:44:14Speaker 06

  Like, yo, Miles, is not everybody crushing pussy, right? Too much, it comes out weak.

• 1:44:18Speaker 00

  Oh, 100%.

• 1:44:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, you gotta stockpile reserves.

• 1:44:21Speaker 00

  And this shit was a lo, okay, I gotta pee. You know what it reminds me of? Oh god, I gotta pee.

• 1:44:25Speaker 06

  Iran.

• 1:44:26Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:44:29Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 1:44:29Speaker 06

  I'm gonna go pee.

• 1:44:30Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go pee, but then we're gonna have one more question. Oh god, I can't even stand up straight.

• 1:44:34Speaker 06

  All right, well, perfect time to tell you to check out my special, debut special, Joey Avery Live in San Francisco. It's on my YouTube. We'll put a comment somewhere with a link.

• 1:44:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44:46Speaker 06

  But yeah, please check it out. Thank you, Miles.

• 1:44:48Mark Gagnon?

  Fifty-five straight minutes of laughs.

• 1:44:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:44:51Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah?

• 1:44:52Speaker 06

  It's fun. I'm very happy with it. People should check it out. People should check it out. People should check it out. They'll like.

• 1:44:57Mark Gagnon?

  Well, how can he answer that? No people shouldn't check it out?

• 1:44:59Speaker 06

  No, it's more of a test.

• 1:45:00Speaker 01

  Well, they should check it out.

• 1:45:01Speaker 06

  It's more of a test. I'm just kind of seeing. What if I was just like, nah, if you want to, I don't know. It's just, you know, I just completely self-funded it, independently produced and released. And it's, you know, decade of plus of work and leading up to this moment. And even being here to share it with you is a very nice moment for me. Check it out.

• 1:45:21Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:22Speaker 06

  Check it out.

• 1:45:22Mark Gagnon?

  They should. Have you gotten good reviews?

• 1:45:25Speaker 06

  Very good reviews. Yeah, it's been a great, it's been out for like a day as of taping this. And the first day was everything we hoped for, but let's run it up.

• 1:45:33Mark Gagnon?

  Have you gotten any bad reviews from possibly like very close to home places?

• 1:45:39Mark Gagnon?

  Is there something you know?

• 1:45:40Speaker 06

  Miles does know something that I said that I'm gonna have to straighten out later today, but.

• 1:45:46Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, who you gonna fuck up?

• 1:45:47Speaker 06

  I don't know, my mom is pumped.

• 1:45:49Mark Gagnon?

  No.

• 1:45:51Speaker 06

  There's some, there's some stuff that was about a very unique time that was happening in my family. And a lot has changed since then. And I make some jokes that if you listen to them fully, they actually are like vindicating her. But they, as comedy often does, come out a little bit rough. And I've heard from sources that maybe she's not the most pumped and that bums me out.

• 1:46:12Mark Gagnon?

  No. Y'all whites and y'all mommy issues. I swear to god. You, you call your mom autistic in your set. This motherfucker, like, I don't know what you said about your mom.

• 1:46:22Speaker 06

  It's not that crazy, you know?

• 1:46:24Mark Gagnon?

  If she doesn't like your debut special?

• 1:46:28Mark Gagnon?

  I think.

• 1:46:29Speaker 06

  You know what? The only way to find out is to watch the special. Joey Avery Live in San Francisco.

• 1:46:37Mark Gagnon?

  All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

• 1:46:39Speaker 01

  Have you guys never had a hemorrhoid?

• 1:46:41Speaker 06

  I had one.

• 1:46:42Speaker 01

  For what reason?

• 1:46:43Speaker 00

  For what reason did you have it?

• 1:46:48Speaker 01

  It's not religious.

• 1:46:49Speaker 00

  I got a reason for my hemorrhoid. What reason did you have it?

• 1:46:53Mark Gagnon?

  That's when he got the monkeypox, remember?

• 1:46:56Speaker 00

  This guy's a grown man with fucking monkeypox. Chickenpox, but during the monkeypox epidemic.

• 1:47:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a tough look. I'm trying to explain it to Dr.

• 1:47:05Speaker 00

  We still calling it chickenpox. Yeah, you might have had that.

• 1:47:11Speaker 00

  You had that curious George. Yes, you did.

• 1:47:18Speaker 00

  No, okay, so can you tell me why you had a hemorrhoid?

• 1:47:21Speaker 01

  I think I was just scrolling. I was just scrolling too long and I was just sitting there. I think it was like right I forgot the bidet. And I was just hanging. And just quiet, alone, you know?

• 1:47:32Speaker 00

  Don't you do that every time you poop?

• 1:47:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:47:35Mark Gagnon?

  How high are you turning the speed of the water?

• 1:47:38Speaker 01

  No, you can't.

• 1:47:38Mark Gagnon?

  Because if you go too, you might cut your asshole.

• 1:47:42Speaker 01

  No, wait, hold on.

• 1:47:43Mark Gagnon?

  Whoa.

• 1:47:43Speaker 01

  Hold on, what the hell?

• 1:47:46Mark Gagnon?

  Shit.

• 1:47:47Speaker 01

  No, just normal. I just put it on normal. But, I mean, sometimes you gotta be careful because I have pushed the wrong one. I pushed the woman's button.

• 1:47:55Mark Gagnon?

  Oh, yeah. It goes on your Gucci.

• 1:47:57Speaker 00

  That should feel good.

• 1:47:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:47:58Mark Gagnon?

  It does a little bit.

• 1:48:01Mark Gagnon?

  I'll go back and forth. I'll go back and forth.

• 1:48:04Speaker 00

  I had a girl lick that area once.

• 1:48:06Mark Gagnon?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:06Speaker 00

  And I feel like, in that moment, I was like, man, like, I think we did all derive from women.

• 1:48:14Speaker 00

  You know how like you start out as women in the womb and then testosterone masculinizes the brain and then? That's why nipples etcetera. But like, so like, when she was licking it, I was like, I felt like I had a pussy for a little bit. I did.

• 1:48:27Speaker 01

  You were a goddess.

• 1:48:28Speaker 00

  To that.

• 1:48:28Speaker 01

  You were a goddess.

• 1:48:29Speaker 00

  I don't know if I was a goddess, but I was like, oh, there's some remnants of labia. I feel like I got labia remnants.

• 1:48:36Speaker 01

  Maybe we're all responsible for war.

• 1:48:38Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:48:38Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 1:48:39Speaker 00

  Thank you. Yes, Clark, yes, shit.

• 1:48:44Speaker 00

  Lock that shit. You never had a girl lick around that gooch? All right, look, we're stopping this episode right now. We need to go to Patreon, okay? I don't even know what part we've stopped it at. Miles told us that we have to stop. It's getting a little bit spicy. Okay, talking about.

• 1:49:05Speaker 00

  I don't even know. I don't even know. There's a little.

• 1:49:10Speaker 06

  It's just fun.

• 1:49:11Speaker 00

  We reminisced a little. Reminiscid?

• 1:49:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:49:15Speaker 00

  We're going to Patreon right now, patreon.com/Flager. See you guys there.

• 1:49:18Speaker 02

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.