7 Keys To Living A Life of Purpose | Lewis Howes

My life-changing annual event, The Summit of Greatness, is happening September 12 & 13, 2025. Get your ticket today! I'm getting brutally honest about the 30 years most people waste climbing the wrong ladder, and laying out the exact blueprint that saved me from sleeping on my sister's couch to living financially free. I'm also revealing how being picked last in a dodgeball game in third grade became the fuel that transformed my entire life trajectory. This isn't just another motivational talk. I'm stripping down to my core wounds and showing you the seven keys that turned my deepest insecurities into my greatest strengths. You'll walk away knowing exactly which season of life you're in and how to stop creating from your wounds so you can finally build from purpose. Make Money Easy: Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer LifeThe Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life TodayThe Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest LivesThe School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a LegacyIn this episode you will:Discover the fearless method that transforms your biggest anxieties into rocket fuel for unprecedented growthTransform your relationship with uncertainty by identifying exactly which season of life you're in right nowBreak through the success trap that keeps you achieving everything while still feeling completely empty insideRewrite the destructive patterns that have been sabotaging your relationships, career, and inner peace for yearsLaunch into action before you feel ready, because clarity comes from courage, not permissionFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1816For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Lewis Howes – greatness.lnk.to/1808SCDr. Joe Dispenza – greatness.lnk.to/1809SCChris Camillo – greatness.lnk.to/1771SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  We just confirmed that Andrew Huberman is coming to the Summit of Greatness along with some other amazing speakers. We've got Dr. Tara Sward, Brendon Burchard, Gabby Bernstein, Amy Purdy, and some huge entertainers and performers. Make sure to get your tickets right now. Summit of Greatness is happening September 12th and 13th here in Hollywood. I can't wait to see you there. Most people spend 30-plus years climbing the wrong ladder, doing the wrong things, trying to get to the wrong place, only to realize when it's too late. You could finally learn the right process for creating what you want in your life. That's what we're

• 0:43Lewis Howes?

  about to do right here. There's a number of main keys that I want to talk about in this video. The first one is to write down your deepest fears, then face them. This might be a little scary because I grew up with a lot of insecurity, a lot of fear in my heart, on my minds, and I was a very anxious kid. I always felt like I needed to feel certain in a world of uncertainty. I don't know if that resonates with you right now, if you feel like there are uncertain times in your life, uncertainty around relationship, uncertainty around your finances, around your career, uncertainty around your health. There's a lot of people struggling in the world around their health right now, but

• 1:25Lewis Howes?

  you have to be willing to write down your fears, your biggest fears, and then face them. You can't outsmart your fears. You cannot outsmart your fears. You can't outanalyze your fear. You have to embody and embrace them. The moment you go all in on your fears is the moment your fear starts to disappear. I grew up extremely insecure and afraid, and when I got into my early twenties, I was playing arena football. I broke my wrist. I was sleeping on my sister's couch for a year and a half after I had surgery and

• 2:06Lewis Howes?

  recovering from this process. It was 2007, 2008, that timeframe. The economy was crashing. Maybe some of you weren't even born yet, but the economy was crashing. The housing market was exploding in a negative way, and there was just so much uncertainty.

• 2:22Lewis Howes?

  My whole identity was tied to playing football and being an athlete. And when that ended through an injury, I didn't know what I was gonna do. I didn't know what I was gonna do next. My father also had a near-death experience. He had a car accident where another car hit him in the head when he was driving, came through his windshield, hit him in the head. He was in a coma for three months. And when he came back and woke up from the coma, he was not the same person. He was never able to work again. He emotionally wasn't really there. Physically, he was alive, but he really struggled physically and emotionally. He wasn't able to remember. So every time I went and spoke with him, I had to tell him who I was, what I used to do, what he used to love that we used to do together,

• 3:06Lewis Howes?

  and had to remind him of his life and my life every single time for many years until he passed away. And at that time, I'm in my early twenties. I have no money. I have no college degree. I'm broken physically. I'm broken spiritually and emotionally. My identity was tied into the thing that I was once good at. And therefore, that is broken. And I have no clue of what I'm gonna do the rest of my life. And there's another level of uncertainty. Fear embraced my entire body, but not in a good way. I needed to learn how to take fear on one step at a time. I was afraid of intimacy. I was afraid of abandonment. I was afraid of public speaking.

• 3:51Lewis Howes?

  I was afraid of putting myself out there and getting laughed at. All these things held me back emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially, relationally. In every category of my life, I was living in fear in my early twenties. And so you're probably way further along than I was in my early twenties, if you're in your twenties and thirties. And it took me some time to where I was on my sister's couch, feeling the weight of all this stuff on top of me, when I realized I've gotta face this. And until I go all into my fears, my fears will never disappear.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  I physically felt pain, thinking about the anxiety around these fears, all this stuff. And so I had to face it head on. It took me a while until I finally did it because it's hard to tack your fears. It's hard to take them on. It's not enjoyable. We don't like that discomfort of embarrassment, of failure, of people not liking us for us failing at something. But that's the thing that's going to set us free. So I'd love for you to spend 30 minutes writing a fear list. I want you to create your own fear list and write your biggest fears down one by one.

• 5:12Lewis Howes?

  Again, for me back then, this was public speaking. This was going out on job interviews. This was getting rejected for opportunities. This was, I was afraid of speaking in public. I was afraid of dancing in front of other people because I thought people would make fun of me. I'm this tall goofy white guy who's ever gonna, who could ever dance, who's in my position. All these different fears. I was afraid of letting my father down. I was afraid of letting my family down. I was afraid of letting myself down, all these different things. I just wrote down my fears. I made a list. I called it the fear list. I wrote it down and one by one, I put these fears down and it was a pretty long list. But I started to rank them, which one makes me the most afraid? Which one is my biggest fear?

• 5:57Lewis Howes?

  And I started tackling the biggest ones first, one by one. I started taking on these fears. Every single day for the next year to two years, I was taking on these fears. And when you can create this list and write it down, first off, you're going to put it out there. You say, okay, it's not just stuck inside of you emotionally or psychologically. You're putting it down on paper so you can look at it and literally face it. When you write it down, you write something down and you look at it. You are looking at it, you're facing it and your fears are facing you. That's a great first step. Most people never do that. They never speak about their fear. They just keep it stuck inside of them.

• 6:37Lewis Howes?

  When you put it out, whether you speak it or you write it out, you're allowing yourself to look at it and reflect. And now you're going to say, man, this seems terrifying. I could never do this. That's the thing you gotta do. That's the thing you gotta step into. Whatever it might be. A fear of mine has still been speaking Spanish publicly. So last year, I took my own feedback. I had that on my fear list. Speaking Spanish on stage. Now, I learned how to communicate on stage and overcome the fear of public speaking, but speaking another language, I'm so insecure around it. I'm not that good. I haven't figured it out yet. I'm not fluent, all these different things. But I said, I don't have to give an hour's speech on stage in another language that I don't speak yet.

• 7:21Lewis Howes?

  But can I do a minute? Can I do a minute on stage in front of a Spanish-speaking audience? And that's what I did a year ago. I got paid a lot of money to go down to Mexico and speak at a big convention for a massive company down there. And I said, and I knew they had other English speakers coming. Because in different countries, usually they'll bring in other top speakers. And they'll have translators. So people will wear headphones and they'll have translators. And I knew that I was going to be speaking English in this speech for most of the time. But I said, I think it would go a long way if I could at least open with one minute in Spanish. And so I started writing out my minute speech. I started practicing and I started doing all these things. And it was terrifying.

• 8:06Lewis Howes?

  I'm telling you, it was not comfortable. But the courage to be able to be disliked, to make mistakes, helps you overcome your fears when you take action and go through them. And I want you to choose one small step today. One uncomfortable step towards facing your fear today. Don't make a game plan and say, in a month, I'm going to start doing this. You need to act now. Is there someone in your life you've been meaning to have a conversation with that you've been afraid to talk to? Call them, text them, start it. Whatever the fear is, go all in on your fear until the fear disappears. And I talk about this fear list and the entire process of overcoming your fears

• 8:49Lewis Howes?

  in my book, The Greatness Mindset, which is a New York Times bestseller. And this is the book that I wish I had 10, 20 years ago. This is the foundational. Blueprint that I wish I had to help me uncover every fear, overcome all self doubt and step into my purpose and my meaningful mission. I break it all down with exercises in this book and we'll link it in the video below as well. But I want you to go all in on your fears until your fear disappears. Because you've gained freedom, not by avoiding fear, but by confronting it. And that's how clarity and confidence are born. But it takes courage to create that clarity and confidence.

• 9:30Lewis Howes?

  So I encourage you to tap into your inner courage now and take the fearful action in this moment. I challenge you and even more so, man, how courageous would it be to write down your fear in the comment below this video and type in, what is that fear? You don't need to go into every detail if you don't want to, but just say, afraid of uncomfortable conversations. I'm afraid of public speaking. I'm afraid of putting my voice out there. I'm afraid to tell my father how he truly makes me feel. Whatever it is your fear is, put it in the comments below. Cause then you can start to face it and take actions towards overcoming it.

• 10:13Lewis Howes?

  So the first thing is first, write down your, your deepest fears, then face them. Now, the second thing is to identify the season of life that you're in. Don't fear the pause or curse the climb. Your highest self is always right on time. Again, don't fear the pause or curse the climb because your highest self is always right on time. And to go three steps forward, you have to go three steps deep. My friend Jay Shetty said that on a podcast that I had. And I love that because some people say, you know, in order to go two steps forward, you have to take one step back.

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  But I like saying you've actually got to go deeper on what you're working on in order to go higher. We have to build the foundation deeper and deeper in order to have the strength. To accelerate higher because if the foundation is just on the surface and we're just standing on the surface, you can only go so high, but the deeper you're rooted in a foundation of strength, of courage, of morals, of values, of integrity, the deeper and deeper you go, the harder you latch on to the foundation, your roots become entangled with truth and life and allows you to skyrocket. And no matter what comes your way, what adversity, what challenge, what pain,

• 11:40Lewis Howes?

  what obstacle, you're only gonna bend. You're not gonna break because you're so deeply rooted in truth and strength and courage in your roots. And that's an important thing. And there's different seasons of life. We have to understand what season we're in. I want you to reflect on what season are are you in right now? When I played sports growing up, football is a great example. There's always four seasons. People think there's only one season. No, there's a preseason. I remember when I was 15 years old, I played football for the first time. I was a late bloomer. My mom wouldn't let me play because she didn't want me to get hurt.

• 12:21Lewis Howes?

  Um, I ended up breaking my wrist and breaking ribs and doing all sorts of damage to my body when I was in high school and college, but she didn't want me to play. Um, because she didn't want me to get hurt. And I started when I was 15. I was a sophomore in high school and I had an amazing experience in high school playing football. It was extremely tough though, that first year. So many plays. You know, it was like thousands of plays I had to memorize. It was, it felt like school though, because it was so challenging mentally. Then the physicality of it, the heat in St. Louis, where I was living and going to school at the time, I was playing in St. Louis, Missouri. The heat in the summer. So we had a preseason and this was like a two week boot camp.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  We did three days back then. This is before they had regulations and so they just worked us like dogs all day long in the heat, early morning, afternoon, night. It was rough, but it created a foundation of strengths. And there was a preseason where you get. All the messy reps out of the way. You learn, you connect with the team, you build relationships, you create bonds, all that stuff. And you prepare, right? That's the preseason. Then you have the season. This is the regular season of football. You typically play 10 games in the season and each week you have goals and you're trying to win every week

• 13:45Lewis Howes?

  and get to the next season, which is the playoff season. And this is where, okay, did we rise to the occasion and get to the playoffs? Now we're here. Now it's when we've put the preseason and the season, all our knowledge, all our experiences, we've tried to maximize it all and refine ourselves and our talents and our gifts as a team to get to the playoffs and hopefully win the championship. There's only one champion at the end of every season in terms of sports. There's only one ultimate winner. But then after the playoffs, you have the postseason. And that's what I say is the four seasons. There's either four seasons in a year. And you have winter, spring, summer and fall. Same thing with sports.

• 14:30Lewis Howes?

  Same thing with relationships sometimes. Same thing with your career sometimes or a business. And you have to be thinking about what season am I in right now? And the best thing about the postseason is that's the moment where you ask yourself and you reflect, do I still want to keep doing this? And a great example of this, I played baseball my whole life. And my junior year, going into my senior year, after baseball season in the spring, I was just kind of like, you know what? I think my, my time is done with baseball. I think I've put in my time. I didn't enjoy it the last couple of years as much as I used to. I'm not going to go play college baseball.

• 15:13Lewis Howes?

  So I decided my, going into my senior year in the postseason, like this is not for me anymore. And it was a great run, it was a great season of life. And I loved it and I got a lot of lessons from it and I had a lot of fun. But now I'm off to doing something else. And you have to ask yourself, what season are you in? So I'd love for you to try this again. For a few minutes in your journal, I want you to just write down, what season of life am I in? Am I in a learning phase? Am I in a building phase? Am I in a resting phase or a healing phase? And depending on what you're talking about in your career, or your business, or your relationship, or your health, or a passion, or a hobby, or whatever it might be, where am I? Am I learning? Am I building? Am I resting? Or am I healing?

• 15:58Lewis Howes?

  What season do you need to be in right now? And what needs to end in your life? So the next chapter can begin. Because we can only take on so much. You know, right now, I'm in a season of building the school of greatness. I'm deepening the foundations so we can go higher and serve and reach more people. I'm in a season of creation and creativity. I'm creating more solo episodes to serve you and connect with you. We just launched in the last two years, kind of a sprint season. I wrote, again, The Greatness Mindset, which is the book that I wish I had 10, 20 years ago. And then a few months ago, we just launched Make Money Easy,

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  to help you create a deeper relationship with money in your life, so you can expand in your financial abundance. So I just finished this, two books in two years. It's a big season. Now I'm putting a pause on book writing, and I'm going all in on the business of content and building this. And also, in my handball journey, trying to make the Olympics, getting back on the USA Men's National Handball Team, to pursuing the Olympics in three years. And that's the season I'm in right now. I'm also married now. You know, my wife is pregnant right now. So there's a season that's coming, that I've had to let go of certain things. I've had to say no to certain relationships that

• 17:23Lewis Howes?

  were no longer supporting me in this new season. I've had to say no to a lot more great opportunities that have come my way, just to have the time and the space to think creatively, to serve you, to serve the audience and the community, to take care of my health at different levels, to prepare myself physically for that three-year journey. This is a new season that I'm in. And so I want you to write down what season do you need to be in? And also, what needs to end? So that the next chapter can begin. And you can write some of this in the comments as well. What's, what needs to end in your life? So that- The next chapter can begin because if you're holding on to past relationships, you're holding on to past emotions that no longer serve you.

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  You're in a career that's kind of sucking the energy out of you. What do you need to let go of? Some things can have an end to it and that's okay. And no matter what season you're in, the one thing that should always be constant is living in gratitude. It's something I talk about in the greatness mindset. And it's one of the tenets of my life. It hasn't always been this, but it's been something in the last decade, which I've said is a constant. It doesn't mean every moment I live in perfect gratitude and I'm always in this positive state, but I try to be in that state as frequently as possible. And gratitude and generosity are the gateway to abundance. And the more you step into gratitude, the more you step into generosity,

• 18:49Lewis Howes?

  and the more you appreciate the life that you're at right now, knowing that more is to come, then abundance will follow. So the key takeaway here is clarity comes from pausing, not pushing. Knowing your season helps prevent you from wasting years pushing in the wrong direction. So that is the end of key number two, which is to identify the season you're in. And again, what season are you in right now? Type that below. Are you in a preseason? Are you in a season right now? Are you in a postseason or the playoffs? Or are you in a postseason? Go ahead and type that in right now and share more in the comments below.

• 19:29Lewis Howes?

  The third key, which is huge, is to shift from me to we for purpose-driven action.

• 19:38Lewis Howes?

  Because you don't need more motivation, you need more meaning. Let me say this again. You don't need more motivation, you need more meaning. Because when we're motivated on the wrong things, it will eventually become meaningless when we accomplish them. Motivation is for those who want success. Discipline is for those who want meaning.

• 20:05Lewis Howes?

  Man, I used to be motivated on so many of the wrong things. And it didn't mean I had bad intentions for everything. I was just motivated to make money. I was motivated to get in a relationship. But it was more so out of fear. It wasn't out of purpose. And there's a difference. And I had both of those things. I had money and had relationships out of fear. And they were never fulfilling. It wasn't fulfilling until I found meaning in service. How can I be in service in my relationship? How can I be in service around my business? So that it is more fulfilling and rewarding rather than having the accomplishment.

• 20:46Lewis Howes?

  Because real discipline emerges when you attach yourself to a meaningful mission beyond your ego, when you focus on service to others. I talk about how to find your meaningful mission in the Greatness Mindset. Again, if you don't feel like you have a purpose in your life, if you feel like you're lacking purpose, meaning, you're just not clear on what you should be doing. Or you feel like you've been stuck in a pattern for a year or years in your relationship, in your career. And it's just not bringing you the rewards, the fruits, the fulfillment that you wish it should. Then it's just time to reflect on discovering what your meaningful mission is.

• 21:29Lewis Howes?

  And it doesn't mean you can't create that in your current career, in your current relationship. It doesn't mean you have to blow everything up in your life. That's not what I'm saying. But go through the book, The Greatness Mindset, and go through the exercises for figuring out what your meaningful mission is. When you do this, gosh, everything starts to unlock. You start to create boundaries with people in your life that don't support your meaningful mission. You know when to say yes and when to say no to something because it either aligns with your mission or it doesn't. Instead of just saying yes and being available for everyone, you are clear and you guard your energy. You guard yourself and your time to serve the mission, which will actually create the most authentic version of you in the process.

• 22:14Lewis Howes?

  To then spread your skill sets and your ability to to share your energy with more people. You'll do better work at your career. You'll be more creative. You'll have better relationships with your friends. And isn't that what you want? Don't you want to have deeper richness of life? We all want that. And again, I'm not saying this every single day, every single moment, your life's going to be perfect. And everything's going to be amazing all the time. It's not. You're going to go through challenge. I go through challenge. People I know go through challenge. It's normal. But when you're rooted in a meaningful mission, when there's a challenge, you don't look at it as a bad thing.

• 22:56Lewis Howes?

  You look at it as an opportunity. You say, this is an opportunity to go deeper into my meaningful mission to serve, to figure out how I can use my unique gifts and my creativity to add more value. And you're less shakeable. So that's what I want for you. I want you to have clarity on your meaningful mission. So ask yourself this question. Who suffers in my life if I stay small? Who suffers in my life if I play small? I want you to write down three people's names or groups of people that would benefit from your courage to act today, from your courage to lean into your purpose today.

• 23:40Lewis Howes?

  This doesn't mean it has to be the world, but who in your family would benefit if you stopped playing small? Who in your friend group would benefit if you let your light shine more on a consistent basis? Who in your community, your city, your company, your school, maybe it is your country, maybe it is the world?

• 24:05Lewis Howes?

  Who would benefit if you actually fully went all in on what your meaningful mission was? Write it down for yourself. You can put it in the chat in this video. You can write it down and share privately with yourself as well. Man, I know there's one person that would benefit and that's yourself. If you went all in on your meaningful mission, it doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It doesn't mean people are gonna like it. But you should be the one who loves it the most because it's what you're meant to do for this season of life. Purpose isn't found in isolation. It's forged in service. So stop asking what you want from the world and start asking what the world needs from you.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  A part of my mission is to serve 100 million lives every single week to help them improve the quality of their life. That's what I'm here to do through my service with the School of Greatness platform. It is something I'm proud of doing every single day. I wake up and I'm excited to serve. It doesn't mean every day is easy. It doesn't mean there's not challenges or things that I don't like doing. That's normal. But the deeper rooted mission is clear. Service. How do we serve? We help people improve the quality of their life. In what ways do we do that? We create content. We create media. We write books that are all over the world on topics around mindset,

• 25:30Lewis Howes?

  health and wellness, relationships, money, spirituality, and other key topics around life that can serve you to becoming better. Why did I do this? Because I was struggling in my life and I needed the wisdom. So I went out and seeked the greatest minds and interviewed them for myself. And then created a package around it to share it with you for free. And that's been part of my mission for the last 12 and a half years. And things will evolve based on my season of life. Based on the season of life of technology, this platform has evolved based on social media, based on consumption of what people are looking for.

• 26:13Lewis Howes?

  And you have to be willing to continue to shift through the seasons of your life and be aware of what season you're in so you can lean into your mission and serve through that season. So again, Shift from me to we for purpose-driven action. Key number four. Stop chasing success. Start healing. You can achieve everything and still feel empty. Because success without purpose is just a louder kind of failure. Let me repeat that again for the people in the back. You can achieve everything and still feel empty.

• 26:53Lewis Howes?

  Because success without purpose is just a louder kind of failure. And I didn't feel like I could be authentic until I was healing at a level of authenticity internally. This may sound a little weird for you. Okay, I can't be authentic unless I start healing. I think that's true. Because you can't fully express your authentic personality and yourself from a wounded place. Then you're expressing wounded personality. It's fragmented. It's off. It's out of alignment. Because when we are creating a wholeness sense inside of us. A sense of peace, a sense of healing inside of us. Then we are in alignment with our truest self.

• 27:35Lewis Howes?

  Because you are meant to be healed and whole. You're not meant to be fractured and insecure. You're meant to find inner healing and wholeness around your personality. So when you create out of a wound, you might be able to build something. You might be able to make something cool. But the success of it won't make you feel whole. Does that resonate with you? Does that make sense? Leave a yes if that makes sense to you. Now, lots of amazing people have created from a wounded place. Artists and musicians and athletes have created from wounded place. And been driven to accomplish amazing things and have done it. I've done those things as well.

• 28:19Lewis Howes?

  But it didn't mean it left me with fulfillment. It didn't mean it left me with a sense of wholeness or peace once I accomplished those things. It actually was more destructive once I succeeded. Now, having more money was nicer. Having more of a platform was nicer. But having a deeper wound because of it, it doesn't feel good. You still have to do the work and you still have to heal. I didn't feel ready to write The Greatness Mindset. This is the book that I wish I could have written 20 years ago. This is like everything I wish I had in high school, in college, in my twenties, heck, in my thirties. I wish all the wisdom I had could have come through this one book.

• 29:00Lewis Howes?

  Because this is 12 years of interviews with the top people in the world, distilling it down into The Greatness Mindset. Everything I wish school taught me is in this book as a platform to kickstart my journey towards finding purpose and fulfillment in everything and meaning in life. But I didn't feel ready to write The Greatness Mindset until I had done the inner work to heal from past abuse and trauma. And I refused to build from a broken foundation because I had done that so many times in the past. And this was too meaningful for me to do it from that place. So creating from a wounded place will lead to self-destruction. So I want you to try this. Instead of chasing your next achievement,

• 29:41Lewis Howes?

  spend a few minutes today in deep self-reflection. Or go to therapy to address one of the wounds that keep resurfacing. One of the wounds that keeps you from playing small, from doubting yourself, from sabotaging yourself, from limiting yourself on what's possible in a relationship, in your career, in your finances, in your health. There's something that's blocking you from the next level abundance of you, the greater version of you. Something is blocking you. And either reflect on it today, talk to a friend that knows you well and ask for feedback, go to a therapy session, talk to a priest, and ask for support. It's not weak to ask for support. It's wisdom.

• 30:23Lewis Howes?

  Success without healing leads to emptiness. Heal first, then you can build. And that will support everything in your life. So stop chasing success. Start healing first.

• 30:39Lewis Howes?

  The fifth thing is to reflect on your past patterns, then rewrite them. Because it's not life that sucks, it's your choices. And the moment you rewrite your patterns, your life rewrites itself. And that's a big reminder for you, because we repeat patterns of familiarity until we face them. We continue to relive the patterns of the past, the memories of the past, the emotions of the past. We continue to repeat these patterns until we face them, until we embrace them, and mend and heal them and create inner peace.

• 31:25Lewis Howes?

  We're just gonna constantly relive these things because we haven't healed from them yet. And I repeatedly, repeatedly attracted relationships in my life that made me feel trapped. I always felt trapped in intimate relationships. And only when I started to see the pattern and the roots from my childhood programming, did I start to create new ones. And at the end, you know, after three, four, or five long-term relationships where I was like, man, why do I always feel like I feel trapped and someone's like choking me in this relationship? Like metaphorically, no one was physically harming me, but I felt like, oh, it was just like this weight on me.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  I was like, huh, well, I'm the common denominator of every relationship. So I can't blame these other people that I've been in relationships with. Let me face myself, let me take deeper reflection, let me go to therapy, let me start healing, and create that peace inside of me before I enter a new relationship. And once I started to do that, man, I feel free now, I feel peace now. And that allowed me to have the space to enter the next season. So for a few minutes, I want you to try something for me. I want you to answer, write down in the journal, piece of paper, what pattern?

• 32:47Lewis Howes?

  Am I tired of repeating? What are you tired of repeating in your life? Write that down. Maybe it's being in broken relationship after relationship. Maybe it's, you know, being in debt and struggling in debt or financially or finding jobs you don't like. What pattern am I tired of repeating? What belief keeps it alive in this pattern? And also, what new behavior can I try this week to disrupt it? You can try a new behavior, but you also need to be reflecting on the wound or the pain that's causing you to stay stuck in that behavior. Your future isn't dictated by fate. It's written by the patterns you're willing to face and rewrite today. It's not life that's stuck.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  It's your choices. Again, the moment you learn to rewrite your patterns, your life rewrites itself. That is number five. Reflect on your past patterns, then rewrite them. Number six is a big one. Start before you feel ready because clarity comes from action. And if you're waiting for a sign to start, it will never come. Clarity comes from action, not permission. When I grew up, I was insecure. I was scared, but I did it anyways. I took action anyways, even when I was scared, even when I doubted myself. And I think a lot of the reasons why I did that is because I was just kind of naive.

• 34:17Lewis Howes?

  And I'll sit it, I'll say it, I'll admit it. I'm a little bit naive. And I just thought like, okay, I have to be able to figure this out. This thing is terrifying me. I'm scared, I'm nervous. But I'd rather do whatever I can to overcome this fear and have zero friends than have fake friends and live in insecurity. So I was like, I just want to be good with me. Now, I also wanted friends. I wanted people to like me. I didn't like being laughed at or embarrassed. That was a fear of mine, the fear of judgment. But

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  I think the naivety inside of me allowed me to take the action. And I feared public speaking. I feared it. I could not stand in front of a group of people without stuttering and stumbling, without sweating in my pits. It was terrifying. I feared it and I felt the biggest thing that it was, I felt like I'm not smart enough. I'm not smart enough to be on the stage to speak in front of this group. My voice doesn't matter. I don't have the knowledge, the intelligence. I don't have the skill set. I'm not as charismatic as other people who speak. They know more than I do. They, all these things, it just consumed me. And I always doubted my ability because one, I didn't think I had any ability. But the thing I did because that, because I felt like I was the worst speaker in the world.

• 35:38Lewis Howes?

  I found a coach who gave me some mentorship and he told me, "Join Toastmasters and do it one week at a time. Go every single week for one hour a week and practice. Do that for one year and come back to me at the end of the year. And every week you have to make a commitment that you'll get up and speak every single week at Toastmasters." And that's what I did. I gave long talks. I did 60 second talks. I did, I just stood up and introduced myself. Whatever I needed to do, I got up and took the actions every single week. And those actions every single week gave me courage, gave me confidence, gave me skills that I could then get up in front of stages.

• 36:23Lewis Howes?

  And I remember I got paid $500 for my first speech, then a thousand. Then it was $2,500. Then it was $5,000. Then it was $10,000. And I thought, oh my gosh, $10,000 to speak for 45 minutes? This is crazy. Then it was $15,000, then 20, then 25. And that just blew my mind. I go, $25,000 is more than I made in a whole year a couple of years ago. And I go, this is unbelievable. Now granted, I was a truck driver and a bouncer on the weekends making 250 bucks a week. Truck driving and bouncing, making maybe a hundred fifty dollars on a weekend. And I was just hustling around to make money, but I was like, man, in one hour,

• 37:06Lewis Howes?

  speaking made $25,000. It blew me away. And this is when I was in my twenties, right? I'm in my mid to late twenties when this happens. Doesn't it go, wow? What if I didn't take action on those fears? What if I didn't make that fear list and write this down? What if I didn't get a coach and mentor to guide me and give me the tools and the action steps to take for the next year? What if I didn't show up every single week? What if I allowed that fear, that insecurity, that doubt, that judgment? That held me back, that made me play small? Where would I be today if I kept playing small?

• 37:48Lewis Howes?

  Instead of started small and, and built with consistency over time? $25,000, believe it or not, went to 30,000. Then I said, what if I just charged 50,000? I wonder if anyone will say yes? And they did. And I just goes, oh my goodness, $50,000 for an hour speech? This is more than most people make in a year around the world. That's when perspective really hit me and it said, I'm not smarter, I'm not more talented. I was in the bottom of my class throughout all my schooling. Uh, everyone that I'm speaking to is smarter than me. Everyone that I'm speaking to has more skills, more talent than me, uh, is better looking than me. It was healthier than me, all these things.

• 38:34Lewis Howes?

  But I was willing to have the courage to go master a skill set of learning how to speak on stage and overcoming the fear. And I just kept at it. I kept trying, I kept working, I kept creating that skill set. And I'm still not the best speaker that I can be. I can still be better. There are still people that I look at that I'm like, wow, they are so charismatic. They're so funny on stage. They have their research, they have statistics, they have, you know, props that they use that just captivate the audience. I'm nowhere near that. I, I still don't look at myself as where I'm capable of being. And I know I have a long way to go to get there.

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  But 50 turned into, believe it or not, $100,000 of speech. And now I remember thinking, oh my goodness, $100,000 for an hour. I'm so grateful, I'm so blessed. But it wasn't without 10 plus years of public speaking training and lots of speeches every single month for years. Then it turned into $150,000 of speech. And now it's up to 200,000. And I just thought to myself, if in 2008,

• 39:50Lewis Howes?

  I wasn't willing to do this. What was that 17 years ago? This is 17 years of weekly, consistent action. Overcoming a fear and insecurity to developing a skillset. To be able to create that type of financial opportunity. And I'm not saying you could do this overnight for yourself. You know, you can't go from not being able to speak in front of a few people to making 150 grand in an hour. I'm not saying that's something to strive for. But I do know that when you get started and you take action on your fears, you can create more opportunities for yourself in this season of your life, whatever that is.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  And for me, that first $500 and then $5,000 was a massive jump in my life. It just blew me away and I was so grateful and blessed for the opportunity. But I know that if I didn't take action and overcome the fear, it would have never happened. And today, I wanted to have that opportunity. So I want you to pick something that you've been waiting to be ready for. I want you to take imperfect action this week on it. Schedule the time with the coach and take action. Email someone, launch the blog, launch the YouTube, write a post online, pitch the idea, whatever it is. Because clarity doesn't precede courage, it follows it.

• 41:15Lewis Howes?

  So start before you feel ready and clarity comes from action. And the last key for this is to use the mirror test. Will this matter in 30 years? In 10 years, you won't even remember their names. But you'll never forget the dreams you gave up because of them. Oh, I don't know about you, there's still, there's still kids' names I remember in middle school. Elementary school even, because I got picked last in, on a recess for two teams in a dodgeball game one time. And two people picked, were the captains and picked players one by one.

• 41:59Lewis Howes?

  And I'll never forget this because it was two boys in the class. And they went one by one and started picking all of the boys in the class. And this is a co-ed class of maybe thirty of us kids, right? Fifteen boys, fifteen girls. And they go around pick one by one, all the boys. And then I'm the last boy standing in the class. And I remember feeling really sad and down because I was about to be the last boy picked. And then something happened. The next person who chose, they picked a girl over me. And I thought to myself, oh, my gosh, the humiliation, the embarrassment. You know, imagine being in a recess in the playground and they're picking boys and then all of a sudden they skip you.

• 42:42Lewis Howes?

  And then they picked the next girl and the next girl and the next girl, all the way to the last two people. It's me and, you know, a tiny little girl that's like the worst athlete in the school and me. And I remember just feeling humiliated, standing there thinking, please pick me, please pick me, right? Just like, oh, I'm already humiliated. And then they picked the girl last. And they don't even pick me. I just go to the next person who had the last pick. So you didn't even call my name. That's how, that's how insignificant I was in third grade.

• 43:21Lewis Howes?

  That's how unathletic, that's how insignificant, that's how, you know, forgotten I was at this moment. And I remember just being so humiliated. I was so humiliated. And for whatever reason, there was like a fire that lit up in me. I'll admit, I was angry, but it was a fire. And I was just like, I will never be picked last again, never, never. And that turned into just thinking, how can I be useful? How can I be valuable? How can I be useful? How can I add more value? And if I get picked last in life and something like, it's not a big deal because I'm good with me now. But at that moment, it forged like a fire within me to say, oh, this is how people see me.

• 44:07Lewis Howes?

  But maybe it's actually how I see myself. And if I start to just become more confident with me, more good with me, less insecure, by developing skills, by having courage. Then if people pick me or don't pick me, I'm gonna be good with me because I picked myself. Because I never picked me back then either. So I love this. In 10 years, you won't even remember their names. But you'll never forget the dreams you gave up on because of them. And thankfully, I didn't give up on my dreams. Thankfully, I didn't say, I'm a nobody and no one loves me and ah and the why me? And I'm just gonna give up in life and just play small and stay stuck.

• 44:46Lewis Howes?

  I put myself out there constantly and I faced the embarrassment and I faced the humiliation in all areas of life. And that developed character, courage, skill sets, competence in my life. But if I allowed those people to make me play small, then I wouldn't be here where I'm at today. So it's a good reminder. In 10 years, you won't even remember their names, but you'll never forget the dreams you gave up on because of them. Now, I went out like crazy in that dodgeball game. I was like, grab the ball first. I was just like throwing it and every kid. I got every kid out in that game. I was like, ah, I'm gonna prove you wrong, right?

• 45:27Lewis Howes?

  Which also isn't a good thing. It's not a good thing to prove people wrong. It's always better to prove yourself right. And prove your highest self right. So you can go far by trying to prove people wrong. And it gave me a lot of fuel. I was like, I'm gonna show these kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it never feels good in the end when you're doing something out of anger, out of resentment, out of frustration of proving people wrong. So you always want to learn how to prove your higher self right. And how can you lean into that? And there was a speech by Wayne Brady that we actually had Wayne Brady on the show. He is such a talented, gifted performer, dancer, singer, comedian. Whose line is it anyways? And he came on the show and we talked about his life and

• 46:13Lewis Howes?

  he gave a speech a few years ago. Maybe we'll have a link to this and I'll show you this speech. We'll clip it up here. Where he gave us an award speech for something. And at the end, he's like calling out one or two guys from like middle school or high school who always doubted him. And he was like, look at me now, that type of thing. And there's nothing wrong with that, but when you're constantly rooted on proving people wrong, it will get you far. It drove him to be the most talented person that he is. I mean, he is incredible. But if it's something that you haven't healed yet, then we're still creating something from a pain rather than from purpose. And it doesn't mean you're bad and wrong. It doesn't mean there's, you know, something wrong with you.

• 46:58Lewis Howes?

  It's just when you create from a pain,

• 47:03Lewis Howes?

  you'll never be able to heal from that pain if that's the core of what you're creating from. When you create from purpose,

• 47:13Lewis Howes?

  you can create with a more sustainable energy. And when you achieve that success, you don't need to say, you know, I remember what you made fun of me back in the day. I remember this. You need to say, I'm grateful that I lived up to what my greatest potential could be. And thank you for everyone that encouraged me, everyone that supported. Even the people that didn't encourage me, thank you. Thank you to everyone for giving me that encouragement and allowing me to step into where I'm at today. So it's just something to reflect on in your life, but I think it's powerful. Use the mirror test. Will this matter in 30 years? If one person heals because of this, then it's worth it. You know, a lot of us say, gosh, I want to make a piece of content.

• 47:56Lewis Howes?

  How do I get thousands or hundreds of thousands or millions of people to watch this video? Or read this book or read this article? And a lot of times, I remember when I wrote this book, I just said, I don't care if millions of people buy the book, tens of thousands, hundreds or one. If this helps one person heal, if this helps one person overcome pain, if it helps them live a better life and has a ripple effect in a positive way in their world, it was worth it. Now, do I want it to reach millions of lives? Yes. But if it, if one person heals because of this, it's worth it. So I want you to ask yourself a question.

• 48:39Lewis Howes?

  Would this still matter if no one clapped? If no one cheered, if no one commented, if no one celebrated you? Would this still matter? Take a few minutes and realign your goals with what internally fulfills you. Not just what gets external validation, but what internally gives you a sense of peace.

• 49:05Lewis Howes?

  And writing this book and all my other books, writing this gave me a sense of peace, something that I can hold on to, I can open up at any moment and look at and be like, wow, I'm so glad I wrote this because I really wrote this for the younger version of me. The version of me that was insecure, that was afraid, that was allowing external opinions to dictate my process. And I wrote this for the younger version of myself that really needed this back in the day when I was 16, when I was 21, 28, 33. I needed this book. I needed the wisdom in this book. And it's part of the reason why I went out and launched the School of Greatness 12 and a half years ago, because I wanted to have the skills,

• 49:48Lewis Howes?

  the knowledge and the resources that school didn't teach me. And it doesn't mean I didn't have great teachers and great coaches, I did. But the system didn't teach me the skills of life. And that's why I said, I'm going to create a different type of school, a school of greatness. And I'm so grateful that you are here today, a part of this new school, this upgraded school of thinking, of using your heart, of healing, of growth, of service, not just about success and accomplishment and achievement. All those things are fun and cool. I've got massive dreams. I'm trying to go to the Olympics, my friend. I'm trying to do incredible things in the world. But it doesn't mean I have to accomplish those

• 50:31Lewis Howes?

  things in order to feel good about me. I feel good in the process. And it doesn't matter if certain people criticize me, tell me I'm crazy, whatever it might be. Use the mirror test, will this matter in 10 years? Again, I hope this saved you 30 plus years of time that you don't have to waste. I hope this gave you a sense of structure to support you in finding your unique purpose, because you were born to live on intention, in purpose, with a meaningful mission, and on service. I hope you enjoyed this video and episode. Leave a comment below.

• 51:14Lewis Howes?

  of your biggest takeaway like this video right now click subscribe to this channel so you can get updated with more of the latest and greatest from the school of greatness interview series and if you want more solos like this one from me then comment below more solos please because we're planning to do more if that's what you want. Thank you for being here. I'm grateful for you and I can't wait to see you in the next video. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with

• 51:57Lewis Howes?

  me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.