Pod Insights Snap Judgment End of the Rainbow - Snap Classic About this episode A young girl’s fantastic dream to be a doctor sends her into the middle of political realities of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Plus – the story of the first dog to travel around the world and the hottest alien takeover of all time.
Round Trip
A young girl’s fantastic dream to be a doctor sends her into the middle of political realities of Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
This story contains scenes of domestic abuse and gun violence, please take care while listening.
Thank you, MJ Fièvre, for sharing your story with us! You can read more about MJ’s childhood in Haiti in her memoir: “A Sky the Color of Chaos https://www.amazon.com/Sky-Color-Chaos-M-J-Fievre/dp/1940761182” And she’s working on a book series that uplifts Black women and girls – check out all that and more at badassblackgirl.com https://www.badassblackgirl.com/
Produced by David Exumé, original story score by Lalin St. Juste. Music and sound design for opening story by Druuvy.
The Dog that Went Around the World
The story of the first dog to travel around the world (and refuse a free steak).
Produced by Joe Rosenberg, original score & sound design by Leon Morimoto.
Bionic Blondes
The hottest alien takeover of all time.
This story was originally written by Kelly Link, and comes from her collection, Stranger Things Happen. It was adapted, directed, and produced by Mark Ristich and Eliza Smith. Voice ActorsL Glynn Washington and Joyce Lee.
Season 16 - Episode 29
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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1:56 Glynn Washington? Okay, so back when it used to rain in California, I'm driving down the 580 interstate freeway, eh? Going to the grocery store, wife, little boy, little girl, myself. Then, no notice, a rainbow blazes in front of us, intense. And I don't mean in front of us up in the sky where it's supposed to be. I mean, right in front of us, right there, right there in front of us. We're driving, we're driving, and then the air shimmers, golden. For three, maybe five seconds, and then there's no more rainbow. My little girl shouts, "There it is!"
2:39 Glynn Washington? And I see it in the rearview mirror. We had just driven through a rainbow. And I'm upset, furious, number one. I didn't think that was supposed to be possible. My science teachers all lied to me, but really, I'm angry because I always, always, always wanted to get to the end of the rainbow, and I finally do. And it's in the middle of the interstate highway? No leprechauns, no pot of gold. I feel robbed until I check the back of seat.
3:20 Glynn Washington? And see their little faces, radiant, beaming, delighted, still touched with magic.
3:36 Glynn Washington? Today on Snap Judgment, we probably present the end of the rainbow. Stories from real people finding a different version of what they're looking for. My name is Glynn Washington. Now, I just want to catch Bigfoot. Because you're listening...
3:54 Glynn Washington? ...to Snap Judgment.
4:08 Glynn Washington? We begin 1994. MJ Fieb is a teenage bookworm, living in the hillsides of Port-au-Prince, Haiti. MJ lives a real-life story from a real-life time and place that references domestic abuse and gun violence. There's a trade embargo on in the country, meaning rolling blackouts and gas shortages. But it also means that schools out for the time being, which gives young MJ plenty of time to hole up in her room with her favorite activity. Snap judgment.
4:45 Speaker 02 When I was 13, I was always reading. Reading was this way of seeing how other people lived, but also what my life could be. I remember being particularly attracted to this one character named Fontomet. She was a superhero without supernatural powers. And she was just a kid doing what kids do in addition to solving mysteries. And I think that's what I wanted. Those characters lived their lives and went after what they wanted, no matter what was happening in their environment.
5:26 Speaker 02 One day, I was reading the newspaper. I found this ad for a program in the Dominican Republic. It was a one-year program for people who were interested in the medical profession, but they were recruiting people my age. You come to this medical school, and you get to stay on campus. You get to meet doctors. You get to visit the hospital. I think, oh my God, being admitted meant that I could leave Haiti and go to the Dominican Republic. I would be on campus. I would wake up every day with a purpose. This is an answer to my prayers.
6:13 Speaker 02 So after I told my sister Patricia about the ad, we started calling. I would call, she would call just to help me. It might have been two weeks where we tried to call and call. And finally, they did pick up the phone. They gave me a time, a place, date, and the name of the person that I'm supposed to see. The name of the guy was Gabriel. I told my mom, because I was hoping, well, she's gonna take me there, we're gonna get information. And my mom said, absolutely not. You're a minor, you're not gonna go to a foreign country on your own.
6:58 Speaker 02 I tried my dad. He was a very controlling father, but he really valued learning. So I figured, well, maybe he will see it as this great opportunity, something that no one else is doing. But he was not happy at all that I was even considering it. His point was that I wouldn't be safe there, because they didn't like Haitians in the Dominican Republic. And since I was going to be isolated from my family, there would be no one to protect me. He also questioned the validity of the program. He's like, well, I've never heard someone going to the Dominican Republic to become a doctor.
7:42 Speaker 02 I could understand some of his concerns, but that didn't stop me from wanting to go. My parents were not going to change their minds. So I decided, well, if they're not gonna let me go willingly, I'm just gonna run away.
7:59 Speaker 02 I told my sister I was gonna leave. And she's like, "Why are you still pursuing this?" I'm like, "Because I have to." And I was kind of irritated that she didn't see how urgent it was for me to leave. She couldn't see that I had almost reached my breaking point and that mentally I was worried that I couldn't take it anymore.
8:25 Speaker 02 There was always the threats and the hitting just for mundane, like, minor things. In the case of my dad, it might be the way he pronounces your name, the way his mouth forms, the expression changes slightly, or a movement with his hand showing that he's getting frustrated. My heart starts beating a little faster. I get goosebumps. It's like a little thing could set him off. One time, he was just mad at one of my sisters because she had been out and she came back maybe fifteen minutes after curfew.
9:11 Speaker 02 And he's yelling, threatening to hit her, eventually hitting her. And my other sister just couldn't take it anymore and jumped off the balcony. And we ended up having to take her to the hospital because she broke her legs. I feared for my life. It might sound like it was kind of a on-the-moment decision, but it's something that had been coming.
9:44 Speaker 02 So it's the morning of the interview. I'm getting ready. I remember wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I live in the mountains and I'm trying to get to the city. I wanted to be comfortable. First, I check on my dad. He's watching TV in his bedroom. He's too busy watching whatever it is, whatever match he was watching that day. I go downstairs. And it's just very quiet because my mom is usually the one who brings life to the house. She's at church, I believe, so she's not around.
10:24 Speaker 02 So I'm leaving the house. I just had this feeling of being freed. And I realized that it might be the last time that I ever see home. Maybe it wasn't a realistic thought, but that's how it felt. So I know that I have to go to the main road, catch one of those buses. They're gonna take me down the mountain. Then you have to take like a taxi to take you to a specific point. It was a place on Place d'Italie. Whenever there's Carnival in Haiti, Place d'Italie was that one place where all the musicians gathered.
11:12 Speaker 02 So I'm leaving the side road so I can get to the main road and flag down a bus. And there's a couple of stalls. There's this man selling cigarettes and candy and other things. I had never smoked in my life before. But I'm like, well, I can imagine this new person. She's sophisticated and free, and she's probably going to smoke. And I remember stopping by, buying a cigarette, and having no idea of how to even light it. Someone had to stop to tell me how to do it. And then, of course, I started coughing.
11:53 Speaker 02 So I had to just flag down a bus and they stop. We're going down the mountains and there's cars going up and down. Women with bundles on their head. I'm going to the market or coming back from the market. Some people on the bus. They looked at me like I was crazy because I was on my own. I was obviously a kid. And it did make me feel like a superhero. And that's where people really started telling me about what was going on downtown. And they were telling me to be very careful.
12:42 Speaker 02 I received the president of Haiti has recently been ousted from the country. People are in the streets every day protesting and they had semi-automatic weapons singing their rage.
13:00 Speaker 02 But I felt invincible. There's nothing that can happen that's going to be worse than what's going on at home. I just know whatever they ask me to do, I'm ready to do it. So if they say, hey, we're leaving today, actually, I'm like, okay, I'm in. Although I don't have any bags with me.
13:23 Speaker 02 And I'm not thinking about the logistics. I'm just focused on that light at the end of the tunnel. The trip took about two hours.
13:35 Speaker 02 I get to Plastitali and as soon as I leave the taxi, the first thing I see is a barricade. Some tires, a wood and some branches. I have to go through the barricade, get into the crowd. And from there, I have to find the building that I'm looking for. Some guys are standing there, they have rifles. And I remember being asked what I was doing there and I'm like, well, I have to meet with someone in there. And them warning me that whatever happens to me is not their responsibility.
14:19 Speaker 02 Everyone is on their own in there. So they let me through. The crowd was huge. I could see people as far as up 10, 15 blocks. There's a guy with a loudspeaker, kind of reminding everyone why they are there. A lot of the protest had to do with hunger, with not being able to afford a life. People, they are singing.
14:57 Speaker 02 Which basically means I don't kid around when I'm empty belted.
15:05 Speaker 02 There was another song about if Aristide, the president, was ever to return. Si Aristide torna, prendi le somme, Signor. Si Aristide torna, prendi le somme, Signor. Which basically means if Aristide comes back, people would get armed and attack. This is real. I'm not feeling invincible anymore.
15:30 Speaker 02 But I'm going through that huge crowd and trying to make sure that I get to the building. Everyone is sweaty. You can smell Vaseline. You can smell Dax products. There was the green Dax, there was the black Dax, and I remember smelling both of them. The crowd is moving me. It's not like I see the building and I'm walking toward it. I'm trying to see the building, and before I know it, I'm in front of it. They told me a building, but it felt like a very private house. There were like a few pieces of furniture in there.
16:14 Speaker 02 People were playing dominoes. Someone was cooking lunch. I asked for Gabriel, because that's the name I was given. So someone said, "Let me go check and see where he is." She comes back and she says, "Oh, well, apparently he's not here, he's out of town. Nobody knows where he is." I did ask about the program and nobody at that table knew. They knew who Gabriel was, but that was it. The interview is not happening. I just had that gut feeling that it was over.
16:58 Speaker 02 It's not like, "Oh, he's not there today because something happened." I'm never gonna meet this Gabriel. This program is just not going to happen. I just need to stop. And I had this feeling where I'm stuck, because there's nowhere else to go. I was devastated.
17:24 Speaker 02 As soon as I leave the premises, I'm just engulfed again by the crowd.
17:32 Speaker 02 It feels even tighter than it was before. People were barely moving, and I feel like I can barely breathe. People are singing, people are yelling, pushing. It's really hot. I'm really thirsty. There's a sense that something was going to happen. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. The way people are acting around me, maybe a change in the noise. And then I heard the shooting.
18:13 Speaker 02 I'm looking for cover. Suddenly, I feel hands on me, on my shoulders and at some point on my back. I'm thinking that maybe those are the attackers. I realize they're pushing me behind a big trash can that's on the side of the street. Someone is actually grabbing me. And for those few minutes, we were just together lying in the trash.
18:42 Speaker 02 I remember hearing him breathe next to me, maybe feeling his breath. The sky was so, so beautiful still. But here we are, lying in trash.
18:58 Speaker 02 Finally, the shooting stopped. People start emerging from wherever they were hiding. There's this woman who's been shot in the leg, and people are trying to help her. There are other people who got ran over. They're holding parts of their body. And I was able to look at the person who had brought me to safety. I couldn't tell how old he was, but there was something wise about him. I don't know if it was me projecting because he saved me. I guess he was just one of those people who are very stoic even when things go bad.
19:42 Speaker 02 The guy asked me if I knew where I was going, if I had had people with me that I need to find. Now that that dream is gone, where am I gonna go? The country is not that small, but it feels very small because everybody knows everything. There's nowhere in Haiti where you could hide. I would be found. The only place I thought I could go was home. I had to go back home.
20:17 Speaker 02 No matter what was going on at home, that was what was regular, what was normal. And I needed to go back to normalcy. He offered to take me home and I said yes.
20:34 Speaker 02 I don't remember much talking on our way up the mountains because all I could do was replay what had happened. I didn't want to even talk about it, even to someone who had been there.
20:51 Speaker 02 It was still daylight when I got home. My mom is on the balcony and she's taking care of her plants. When she sees me, my mom asks me, "Oh, what happened to you? You're dirty." And I can smell myself. I still smell like trash. I'm sweaty. I'm just so greasy. And I tell her, "I was in the neighborhood and I fell."
21:19 Speaker 02 So she briefly looked at me and she said, "Well, make sure you change as soon as possible." That was it. They didn't even notice that I was gone. I felt that it was a reflection of what I had been going through the entire time. Like, I'm hurting on the inside and many people don't even notice. I went straight in and washed up.
21:46 Speaker 02 It felt like a failure, but I felt that the intensity of the wanting to leave hasn't gone away. I was reading a book titled The Maid, and one quote was, "If the end is not happy, then it's not the end." So I'm like, what am I gonna do next? I had started getting a bag ready. I'm not packing a lot of things, just the basics like toothbrush, a few clothes, teodurant, a picture with me and my sister, and a few other things. And I became determined to get the end that I felt the story needed.
22:45 Glynn Washington? The story of MJ Gheb was far from over. After high school, MJ did end up going to medical school, but she realized it wasn't quite her calling. She moved to the United States, where she now works as a full-time writer. You can read more about her childhood in Haiti in her memoir, A Sky the Color of Chaos. She's working on a book series that uplifts Black women and girls. You can check out all that and more at badassblackgirl.com. The original score for this piece was by Laaleen Sedjist. It was produced by David Exame.
23:31 Glynn Washington? More amazing storytelling for you when Snap Judgment: The End of the Rainbow episode continues. Stay tuned.
23:45 Speaker 03 This show is supported by Odoo. When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out Odoo at O D O O dot com. That's O D O O dot com.
24:20 Glynn Washington? Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the end of the Rainbow episode. Today, we're looking at what happens when you get at least a version of what you want. And for the next story, our hero, he had some very simple demands. Snap Judgment.
24:50 Speaker 04 So this story is brought to us by a person with a very cool job.
24:54 Speaker 05 Yeah.
24:55 Speaker 04 Her name is Nancy Pope.
24:56 Speaker 05 Hi there.
24:57 Speaker 04 And she is a curator at the Smithsonian.
25:00 Speaker 05 Actually, at the National Postal Museum, because, you know, history, truth, you gotta kind of do that.
25:06 Speaker 04 But back in 1984, when she first got to the Smithsonian, Nancy was given a really boring newbie task: organizing old photos in the archives.
25:18 Speaker 05 And some of these photos, I started looking, it's like, it's a dog. You know, it's a dog laying down on mailbags. It's a dog sitting on mailbags. It's like, it's a dog. And I started looking, going, what is the thing with the dang dog?
25:32 Speaker 04 That's when one of her coworkers told her to go down to the third floor and see for herself.
25:37 Speaker 05 And I went down, and they had all the stamps, and a little post office, and some mailboxes, and a dead stuffed dog. Oni.
25:47 Speaker 04 Oni, that was the dog's name, the one she saw in the photographs. And now here he was, in the flesh. Kinda.
25:59 Speaker 05 The hair was mangy, the eyes were smokey, and he did not look like, you know, a cute little dog. He just looked like some little creepy monster.
26:11 Speaker 04 The dog had actually been in that case since 1911.
26:15 Speaker 05 And at one point, we lifted the case up, maybe an inch, and this stench came flying out. We almost dropped the case and broke it right then and there. It was the smell of almost a century of dead dog, and it was the most horrible smell that I have ever smelled in my entire life.
26:38 Speaker 04 Okay, so, not a great first impression. But here's the thing. Once upon a time...
26:43 Speaker 05 He had been the world's most famous canine, the only dog to travel around the world. And there was widespread mourning when he died.
26:55 Speaker 04 Nancy says that Oni's story begins in Albany, New York, way back in the winter of 1888, when a puppy belonging to one of the clerks at the local post office followed him to work one day. The puppy, Oni, was just a scruffy little mutt then, nothing special. But when the clerk left, Oni stayed.
27:13 Speaker 05 Because the pup loved the smell of mailbags. And the dog would head straight for a pile of empty mailbags that were off in the corner, and just kind of snuggle up, wiggle around him, and go to sleep for the night.
27:27 Speaker 04 Oni loved the smell of mailbags so much that he would actually follow them onto the mailwagons that were bound for the train yard. If a bag ever fell off, he'd jump off with it and guard the bag until a postal clerk, and only a postal clerk, came by to pick it up.
27:42 Speaker 05 Maybe he recognized the uniform. I honestly don't know.
27:48 Speaker 04 Until, one day, Oni took his love of mailbags a step further. When the wagon he was on arrived at the rail yard, he actually followed the bags onto one of the trains.
27:57 Speaker 05 And the clerks could have just thrown him off at that point, but they didn't. So, you know, he just went to Boston.
28:07 Speaker 04 Nancy says that back then, a train's mail car was a place of almost constant activity. You have to imagine postal employees frantically sorting an endless variety of packages, dodging kerosene lamps, trying to get everything ready for delivery before each and every stop. But in the midst of the chaos, there was a little corner where discarded mailbags lay in a pile. That's where Oni sat on this first trip, comfortable, just watching them do their work.
28:31 Speaker 05 And when the train opened up its doors in Boston, Oni jumped out and traveled with the mailbags on the wagon to the Boston post office, sat around there a little bit, and the next day, he went on the train and went back to Albany.
28:47 Speaker 04 Thus was established a pattern whereby Oni became a regular on these regional rail lines. Nothing too ambitious, just day trips.
28:53 Speaker 05 But the railway postal clerks were family. And when a clerk got to the end of his line, he would start talking about this dog.
29:01 Speaker 04 As Oni's reputation grew among the postal employees, so did his network of available trains. It's like he had the 19th century version of a Europass, only with mail cars.
29:12 Speaker 05 And then he started branching out through Cleveland, Philadelphia, and then Washington, DC. He loved Brooklyn.
29:19 Speaker 04 But of course, that was just the Northeast. He also went south.
29:23 Speaker 05 To Mobile, Alabama, Jackson, Florida, Atlanta.
29:26 Speaker 04 And to the Midwest.
29:28 Speaker 05 Fort Wayne, Indiana, Wichita, Grand Rapids, and Minneapolis, Kansas City, St. Louis, Pute.
29:34 Speaker 04 And everywhere else.
29:35 Speaker 05 Albuquerque, Reno.
29:37 Speaker 04 Oh, my god.
29:38 Speaker 05 Cincinnati, Denver.
29:39 Speaker 04 Now I'm gonna stop you.
29:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, you know, it was, you name a state, he was there.
29:43 Speaker 04 By 1889, there were reports of Oni in California.
29:47 Speaker 05 So we know that within a year, he's crossed the country.
29:50 Speaker 04 This is the part where I hate to poke a hole in it, and maybe I shouldn't.
29:54 Speaker 05 Oh, poke a hole.
29:55 Speaker 04 How much independence does this dog have in this, in this, in these decisions to be branching out? Is he like, at the train station, and he, he sees a train car, and he's like, that one looks good, and like, decides all on his own?
30:06 Speaker 05 Well, there was a lot to be said for that. Oni really did just jump on any old train he wanted and go wherever he wanted to go.
30:19 Speaker 04 When Oni got to a town, he always followed the same routine. He would get out of the train, take the mail wagon to the post office, and then spend the night, usually at the local postmaster's house, who always made sure that there were some mailbags for Oni to sleep on.
30:31 Speaker 05 And before long, newspapers across the country, if Oni was in town, the, the publisher said, you gotta go out and do a story on the dog.
30:43 Speaker 04 Oni proved so popular that eventually it wasn't enough that he simply come to town. People wanted to prove that he'd been there. So they started putting these customized tags on his collar. Sometimes it was an official tag with the name of the town. Other times, someone would hastily scratch their name on a hotel key and loop that through his collar. Lots of people gave him these little metal coupons.
31:03 Speaker 05 And, you know, if Oni had wanted to, he could have gotten five cents off for a loaf of bread at one spot, free drinks at the bar at a couple of others. He could have had a great night on the town if he was a person.
31:18 Speaker 04 Elaborate feasts were routinely held in Oni's honor. So rich and filling were the meals that the day after one such dinner in Providence, Rhode Island, Oni took one look at a free steak and walked away.
31:30 Speaker 05 And he just puts his nose up at it like, you know, I'm still full. I can't handle a steak.
31:35 Speaker 04 Oni had all the benefits of fame and none of the costs. He was a dog. He didn't know he was famous. He didn't feel any of the pressure, didn't worry about all the attention. He was free to just be, at least for the first few years.
31:51 Speaker 05 But then it gets to the point where, as Oni got more and more famous, the clerks start actually putting him on a train. Like, Oni needs to go on this train. Wouldn't that be fun?
32:01 Speaker 04 Slowly but surely, the freewheeling hobo of everyone's imagination was no longer quite so freewheeling. Increasingly, in the very same articles that extolled Oni's freedom, you could read all about the cities where he could be found next. It was freedom scripted.
32:16 Speaker 05 But the height of Oni being handled by clerks was obviously the trip around the world.
32:26 Speaker 04 The trip was a marketing stunt put on by the city of Tacoma. They were trying to one-up their more famous neighbor, Seattle. So with the consent of the post office, they sent Oni packing on a mail ship to East Asia.
32:37 Speaker 05 Where he got a passport from the Emperor of Japan.
32:41 Speaker 04 Then on to China and India.
32:43 Speaker 05 Through the Suez Canal.
32:44 Speaker 04 And then via the Azores, back to America.
32:47 Speaker 05 He made it in 118 days.
32:50 Speaker 04 By this point, Oni was so famous that European newspapers issued heated editorials wondering why Oni had skipped their continent entirely. It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of him.
33:02 Speaker 05 And when he would go to each of these foreign lands, he was trotted out. And Oni, who knows whether he was happy or not. But as the clerks started ruling his life, people added more and more tags to his collar.
33:25 Speaker 05 Businesses loved to put something on him because it's free advertising for your business, which is fine, except you think the collar around the dog's neck, you add 10 tags, one thing, you start adding 20, 30 tags, the poor dog's not going to be able to lift his head up.
33:43 Speaker 04 Every time Oni returned to Albany, the clerks made sure to take the tags off. Eventually, they had to give him a harness to accommodate all the extra weight. But even that was rarely enough.
33:54 Speaker 05 The Smithsonian has 347 tags. It has been said in a lot of reports that he had over 1,000, which is easy for me to believe. But I really think that Oni needed to stop riding the trains. Clerks were saying that he didn't look good. He didn't look well.
34:15 Speaker 04 Oni was growing increasingly irritable, especially when people tried to touch the tags on his harness, either to add or remove them. He also started fighting back when clerks tried to force him onto a particular train. He was just getting stubborn and old.
34:31 Speaker 05 So a clerk in St. Louis took him in. And I think in his time in the clerk's backyard, he started to relax and be his old dog self. And we know that Oni had enough free will that if he didn't want to stay there, he wouldn't have. But there were some clerks that just didn't want to hear that. Oni, to them, Oni belonged on the train cars.
35:01 Speaker 04 So the clerks borrowed Oni for one last joyride.
35:08 Speaker 04 They put him on a train bound for Toledo. And at first, everything was the same as it always had been. Oni followed the familiar scent of the mailbags off the train and onto the wagon. But when he arrived at the Toledo Post Office, one of the clerks taking him to meet a local reporter tried to touch one of his tags.
35:25 Speaker 05 And that's what set him off. And he bites the clerk in the hand, very hard, twice.
35:32 Speaker 04 The clerk reeled off in pain. And when the postmaster came in to see what was going on, Oni attacked him, too.
35:38 Speaker 05 And the postmaster calls a US Marshal named Shannon. Shannon comes into the room, takes out his pistol, and shoots Oni once in the head.
35:57 Speaker 04 Oni was killed instantly. When the news got out, obituaries around the country mourned his passing. And his body was taken to Washington DC, the post office's national headquarters. Over the years, as Oni went in and out of storage, he was forgotten. By the time Nancy stumbled upon him, the world's most famous canine had become a footnote. But thanks in part to her efforts, Oni is back in the spotlight. And in 2011, he got his own stamp. He also has his very own exhibit at the Smithsonian's Postal Museum. Nancy says it's one of the most popular exhibits there.
36:33 Speaker 05 But we have a good number of people who will say in a blog, or in a review, or whatever, you know, it's a great museum, but it's got this disgusting stuffed dog.
37:01 Glynn Washington? Thank you so much to Nancy Pope for sharing Oni's story with us. And if you want to learn more, you can visit Oni in person and see some of those tags at the Smithsonian's National Postal Museum in Washington DC. We're going to have a link on our website to an interactive map of the museum, put up showing all the places that we know Oni visited. It's, um, is what it is. Check it out at snapjudgment.org.
37:29 Glynn Washington? The sound design for that story was by Leon Morimoto. It was produced by Joe Rosenberg.
37:44 Glynn Washington? You're listening to Snap Judgment, the end of the Rainbow episode. Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back. Stay tuned.
38:04 Glynn Washington? Snap Judgment Underground Studios. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the end of the Rainbow episode. My name is Lynn Washington and today, we're looking at people lucky enough to get a version of their fondest desires. In our next piece, walks the Gosmer thread between truth and imagination, a brand-new radio play inspired by author Kelly Link. Snap Judgment.
38:40 Glynn Washington? Hello?
38:40 Speaker 06 Hey, why would anyone need three jars of marshino cherries?
38:45 Glynn Washington? What you doing?
38:46 Speaker 06 Clearing out the fridge.
38:48 Glynn Washington? We've been through this. Your roommate is crazy. Find another place.
38:53 Speaker 06 Some of us can't afford our own places.
38:57 Glynn Washington? Then some of us better not complain.
38:59 Speaker 06 Ugh, you are so annoying.
39:02 Glynn Washington? You call me!
39:02 Speaker 06 So, what's your point?
39:04 Glynn Washington? Well, now that I have you, I started writing a story.
39:08 Speaker 06 Oh yeah? You know, I just finished another chapter. I'm sending it to my agent later today.
39:14 Glynn Washington? Okay, cool. So, I got this idea last night. I was on the bar, about to go back across the bay, and I look across the car and there's this woman. She's super hot.
39:26 Glynn Washington? She's got this hair, blonde hair. She looks at me, smiles and winks at me. And she looks just like Beyonce.
39:35 Speaker 06 I don't think Beyonce is getting off at West Oakland.
39:39 Glynn Washington? Well, think again, cuz she gets off at my station. And I'm walking with her. She stops in front of my building.
39:47 Speaker 06 She must've thought you were super creepy.
39:50 Glynn Washington? I'm a creep for going home.
39:52 Speaker 06 I mean, didn't she think you were following her? She didn't freak out?
39:56 Glynn Washington? No. We get to the building, go up the stairs, and understand this. She lives on my floor.
40:04 Speaker 06 How convenient.
40:07 Glynn Washington? Hush. I'm telling you, we stop in front of her door, which is right across the hallway from my door.
40:13 Speaker 06 So there's a point to this story.
40:15 Glynn Washington? And she winks goodnight to me. And then, she flickers.
40:23 Glynn Washington? Like she's, uh, made out of a hologram.
40:26 Speaker 06 Like Beam Me Up Scotty?
40:28 Glynn Washington? Like Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi. Like she's a projection. She's flickering, and then she turns silent again, like a real person. And then she unlocks her door and leaves me in the hallway.
40:39 Speaker 06 So you didn't get invited inside?
40:41 Glynn Washington? I could have, if I wanted to. It was just weird. I don't know.
40:56 Speaker 07 I've been in love with Jack for what feels like forever. I met him at one of his readings. I brought his first book, dog-eared and taped together. I waited in line for him to sign it, and when I held it out, he smiled at me. Laughed a little. He said, "No one reads this book." And then he asked me out for a drink.
41:21 Speaker 07 Here's the thing about Jack. He doesn't really have the looks, but he's commanding. He took me for cocktails and told me about a woman he was sending anonymous love letters to. I felt invisible.
41:36 Speaker 07 Jack became my mentor, slashing my stories apart, writing mean, flirty comments in the margins.
41:44 Speaker 07 I wanted him bad. Still do. I guess. But he slowed down, and his agent has warned him that if he doesn't write another book in the next year, he's dropping him. And the thing is, I'm speeding up. I've got an agent now, too, a friend of Jack's. And I've got a novel. But I still call Jack daily, like a reflex.
42:18 Glynn Washington? Hello?
42:19 Speaker 06 I didn't need that check.
42:20 Glynn Washington? I know. I was worried with the roommate.
42:25 Speaker 06 I ripped it up.
42:28 Glynn Washington? A "thank you" would have been nice.
42:29 Speaker 06 You know, you never give me any credit. You know I just got my advance, right? I'm actually okay, if you can believe it. I'm really, I'm, I'm good.
42:41 Speaker 06 Yeah. So you see your new neighbor Beyonce recently?
42:46 Glynn Washington? Yeah. Actually, I was gonna say, she knocked on my door yesterday and asked to borrow a cup of sugar.
42:53 Speaker 06 That's original.
42:54 Glynn Washington? Didn't recognize me, though, so I didn't bring the other night up.
42:57 Speaker 06 So you gave her the sugar?
42:59 Glynn Washington? But when I go to shut the door, I watch her through the peephole.
43:03 Speaker 06 Uh, gross.
43:05 Glynn Washington? No, no, no, no, no. Look here. She ate all the sugar. I washed her down the whole cup.
43:11 Speaker 06 What?
43:13 Glynn Washington? I know, I know, I know. Get this. Then she knocks on my door again. I open it. She just walks in, pours herself a drink. My best whiskey. And we drank like half the bottle. And then just start making out. Going for it. Amazing! I mean, she's amazing. She smelled like fresh laundry. And she, she tasted like, like cherries. And I go to... You know, and it's smooth down there.
43:46 Speaker 06 Oh, no, it's called the Brazilian.
43:47 Glynn Washington? No.
43:50 Glynn Washington? It was like Barbie smooth. There was no, nothing going on. You know, down there.
43:59 Speaker 06 TMI, man, TMI. I don't think you're doing it right.
44:04 Glynn Washington? I look at the Beyonce lady. And she just gets up and walks out.
44:10 Speaker 06 Smart woman.
44:11 Glynn Washington? I'm telling the truth.
44:12 Speaker 06 Okay, Jack.
44:19 Glynn Washington? Kelly used to flip. When I told her I'd met someone, been with somebody. She'd be like, "Let's blow everything off and go to Vegas. Let's get married by three Elvises." And I would always change the subject. Take her to dinner, end the night with maybe a kiss on the cheek, a little too close to her lips. But I never gave her an in. I would have never before tonight. Because tonight, she just didn't seem to care.
44:48 Glynn Washington? And I'm just sitting here at my computer, cursor blinking, ready for words. And all I can think about is whether or not she's jealous.
44:57 Glynn Washington? Which is stupid, right? Because of course she's jealous.
45:14 Speaker 07 Hello? Jack, I saw them. Who? The Beyonce women. Women? You someone or one? Yeah. I was leaving my agent's office, got into the elevator. There were 11 women in there. I counted, 11 Beyonce's. I get in and they stop talking. They're just there, breathing, like together perfectly in time. And they smell the same, like detergent. Yes. That's what she smells like, my neighbor. Their smell, that smell, it got more and more intense. It made my head hurt. So I closed my eyes, just for a second. I thought. Because when I woke up, I was alone. And on the top floor of the building,
45:58 Speaker 07 there was a bunch of construction stuff everywhere, like, like drills and paint cans. And there was just no one. Where'd they go? I have no idea.
46:24 Speaker 06 Hey, you know it's like 3:00 in the morning, right?
46:27 Glynn Washington? I'm still working on that sci-fi story.
46:29 Speaker 06 Jesus, that's it? I thought you were in an accident or something. You woke me up.
46:34 Glynn Washington? I just wanna talk.
46:35 Speaker 06 I gotta go.
46:36 Glynn Washington? Why? Somebody there?
46:38 Speaker 06 Uh, yeah.
46:39 Glynn Washington? Who?
46:40 Speaker 06 I met him at the bar. After my reading, a bunch of us went out.
46:44 Glynn Washington? Oh.
46:46 Glynn Washington? I'm sorry. I totally forgot.
46:48 Speaker 06 It's okay. It was a good turnout, actually. Anyway, I gotta go.
46:53 Glynn Washington? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to ask you. Are you okay?
46:55 Speaker 06 Why wouldn't I be?
46:57 Glynn Washington? I mean, since them Beyonce fembots.
47:01 Speaker 06 Oh, that. Yeah, I'm okay.
47:03 Glynn Washington? Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Brunch?
47:07 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah. M- maybe. I'll call you.
47:09 Glynn Washington? Okay, well. Call me, alright? Bye.
47:21 Speaker 07 I wake up the man in my bed and ask him if he's ever slept with a blonde. He asks me if this is one of those jokes, and I say no. The man says to me, "You're kind of a blonde." And I choke out a laugh, because it's true. At first I thought, maybe I was starting to go gray, but the hair is yellow. The color of honey, I mean. I've been finding blonde hairs on my pillow. And there's more and more of it every day. My skin smells so... so clean. And I'm losing hair where I shouldn't be losing hair. The man in my bed said something stupid like, "I like what you got going on down there."
48:06 Speaker 07 And I rolled my eyes.
48:15 Speaker 07 Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message. I'll call you back.
48:21 Speaker 07 Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message. I'll call you back.
48:26 Speaker 07 Hey, it's Kelly. Leave a message. I'll call you back.
48:38 Glynn Washington? Damn it Kelly, answer the door!
48:42 Glynn Washington? Kelly, I just need to see you...
48:46 Speaker 07 Hello?
48:46 Glynn Washington? You're here? Let me in!
48:48 Speaker 07 Jack?
48:49 Glynn Washington? Yeah!
49:01 Glynn Washington? Why didn't you text me back? I'm freaking out! I thought you said you weren't alone that night?
49:05 Speaker 07 Hey there.
49:06 Glynn Washington? What happened to you?
49:08 Speaker 07 You want some lemonade?
49:11 Glynn Washington? What happened to your hair?
49:18 Glynn Washington? How you drink this? It's way too sweet!
49:21 Speaker 07 Jack, let's sit down.
49:24 Glynn Washington? Kelly, you're scaring me to death. What happened? Why'd you disappear?
49:28 Speaker 07 You know, I've been thinking... About that sci-fi story you were writing.
49:34 Glynn Washington? You mean somebody called the cops? Are you alright?
49:37 Speaker 07 I really think you should just give up on that one.
49:40 Glynn Washington? What?
49:42 Speaker 07 You know, you shouldn't write sci-fi. You're a serious writer.
49:47 Glynn Washington? You don't want me to write about fembots?
49:50 Speaker 07 I don't know what you mean by that. You're so silly.
49:54 Glynn Washington? Kelly? What's going on?
49:58 Glynn Washington? What'd they do to you?
49:59 Speaker 07 Jack?
50:02 Speaker 07 Don't you like my hair?
50:20 Glynn Washington? It's not true, Snapers, it's not. Fembots are not taking over the world. And that's because the piece was 100% fiction from the mind of Kelly Link. Adapted, directed, and produced by Mark Wistich and Eliza Smith. Original score and sound design by Pat "Macedi" Miller. Voice actors were Joyce Lee and yours truly. Find all things Kelly Link on our website, snapjudgment.org.
50:53 Glynn Washington? You've listened to another episode of Snap Judgment. Tell somebody, let your lover know. There are more full episodes right there for the asking. Amazing storytelling for you. Get the podcast iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, SoundCloud, or head on over to snapjudgment.org. On Team Snap, the union represented producers, artists, editors, and engineers are members of the National Association of Broadcast Employees and Technicians, Communications Workers of America, AFL-CIO Local 51. Snap was produced by the team that never goes outside long enough to see a rainbow. Think of them in the dark of night. The uber producer, Mark Ristich.
51:41 Glynn Washington? The Pat Man, the C.D. Miller. Anna just had a baby sus, but hey Naomi. Nancy to the Lopez. Eliza's last name is still Smith. Davy Kim and M. Joe, Big Word Rosenberg. Renzo Gorio wears trucker caps. Liamonimo to go solo. Adisa Egan is not. Taylor holds the mail to cot. Liz Mack can't pack fat on a stack of hats. Jasmine Aguilera has a 270 bowling average. Believe it. And even though this is not the news, who keeps mistaking this for the news? In fact, you could crash your UFO into the Loch Ness Monster with the Yeti in the backseat shouting directions
52:24 Glynn Washington? and you would still not be as far away from the news as this is. This is PRX.
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