1001. Q&AF: Comparing Yourself To Others, Fear Of Delegation & Preventing Self-Sabotage

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to use comparison to fuel growth, what's the best way to overcome the fear of delegation, and how to avoid self-sabotage as you level up in life.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realists saying goodbye to lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys. Today we have Q and A F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. DJ, tell them how they can submit their questions.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Yeah guys, we want your questions, so please submit them. You can do them a couple of different ways. You can email those questions in to [email protected]. You can also check the link in the description below. Submit them for a chance to be answered or drop them in the comments of the Q and A F videos right here on this YouTube.

• 0:51Andy Frisella?

  Now if this is your first time listening, we do have multiple formats of the show. You're gonna hear Q and A F right now. Tonight at 7pm Central and Thursday at 7pm Central, we're gonna have CTI. That stands for Cruise the Internet. As we put topics on the screen, we speculate on what's going on, we interact with the chat, we talk about all kinds of stuff and we do that live. So that is a live show you can check out tonight, 7 Central on YouTube and X. Other times we're gonna have Real Talk. Real Talk is just 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then sometimes we have 75 Hard Versus. That's where people who have completed the 75 Hard Program come on the show. They talk about

• 1:33Andy Frisella?

  how they were before, how they are now and how they use the 75 Hard Program to transform their lives. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the first phase of the Live Hard Program. You can get that entire program for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's episode 208 on the audio feed. There's also a book. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness. You can get that at andyfrisella.com.

• 2:01Andy Frisella?

  One thing about our show, guys, is we rely exclusively on you to grow the show. Okay, we don't run ads, we're not part of a network.

• 2:11Andy Frisella?

  We just ask very simply that if you get value out of the show, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh, you help us share it, alright, so don't be a hoe.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Share the show, alright. Missed the Wednesday's gig, too.

• 2:20Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah, we got Wednesday nights, uh, live as well at 7 central, which is called After Hours.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:27Andy Frisella?

  And that's just a live stream hangout.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  A little midday check-in.

• 2:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, we talk about really whatever you guys want to talk about.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you know, pull a little, little stogie, you know?

• 2:36Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, yeah, it's a good time.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  It's a good time, dude, I like, I like those, uh, those lounge sessions, bro.

• 2:41Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  They're sick, but yeah, man, uh, tune in. What's going on?

• 2:46Andy Frisella?

  Oh, not much.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 2:47Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, so what do you?

• 2:48Speaker 01

  It's hot here.

• 2:49Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  It's hot.

• 2:50Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Did it rain all weekend?

• 2:51Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 2:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:53Andy Frisella?

  Well, it rained all day yesterday, like, all day.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  It was probably good, yeah, maybe get all the salt and shit off the road.

• 3:00Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:00Andy Frisella?

  But today, yeah, it's a little steamy.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  It's a little steamy, a little change.

• 3:04Andy Frisella?

  For the middle of winter.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, no shit, man.

• 3:06Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, well, all those well things are good, it is Monday, we are here to make some people better.

• 3:12Andy Frisella?

  Let's do it.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Guys, let's get it. Guys, any question? Number one. Uh, Andy, I try not to compare myself to other people, but I do. Friends are making more money, building bigger things, posting wins online, every day, uh, and even when I'm doing okay, I, it feels small next to what I see. How do you stay focused on your own path without lying to yourself about where you really stand?

• 3:41Andy Frisella?

  Well, I think there's two kinds of people, okay? I think there's the kind of people that compare themselves and, you know, they look around and they get upset and they say, "Well, you know, he's doing this or that," and they justify why these people are ahead of them, and they tell themselves all kinds of lies about, you know, "Well, they must be cheating," or "They must be doing this," or "They must be doing that," or "They must be this or that or this." And then they feel bad, and then they tell themselves some sort of story as to why that person is ahead of them. And sometimes it's true, like, there's a lot of people out there that are full of shit. There's a lot of people out there that are pretending to be something that they aren't. And some, sometimes that's, those stories are true.

• 4:26Andy Frisella?

  But, it really doesn't matter. Because there's a second kind of person. And the second kind of person, looks at what everybody else is doing.

• 4:36Andy Frisella?

  Has, a moment of feeling bad.

• 4:42Andy Frisella?

  And then says, you know what? I'm gonna fucking smash every single fucking one of them. I'm gonna win so big that they all have to swallow it. And fucking admit, that not a single one of them was me. And they couldn't do what I did. And, they get up, and they go to fucking work. Okay, and there's only, one group of those people, that actually win. Alright? So, there's this big, thing on the internet where they say, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Comparison is bad. Comparison is the thief of joy, if you're not willing to get up and fucking compete. Okay?

• 5:22Andy Frisella?

  Comparison is the thief of joy, when you're doing nothing and you notice that other people are doing things, and it steals your joy. Which it should. Okay? This whole idea, 99% of the shit that's told to you online, is told to you with the idea, of pacifying, the lazy motherfucker that lives inside of you. If you watch all these feel-good people, and you listen to what they say, and then you remember, that there's a much bigger market for victims than there are for actual doers. Then, their content will make sense. Okay, when you hear them say all of this, feel-good shit. When you hear them make all these excuses, and tell you not to do these things.

• 6:06Andy Frisella?

  How many of those people are actually gonna go out and win? The answer is, hardly any of them. They're gonna go from, event to event, to podcast to podcast, to mastermind, to personal coaching. Looking for the fucking answer that doesn't exist. Okay, that they don't want to admit is the real path forward, which is, figuring out what it is you want to do, and then dedicating your entire life, to making that happen. This idea of winning being some sort of casual endeavor, is poison, to our culture.

• 6:41Andy Frisella?

  And we deal with it all the time. We see all of these people saying all of this shit that is completely untrue when it comes to actually winning. It might make you feel good in the moment. It might make you feel a little bit better about losing, but that's not gonna fix your fucking problem. Okay, so when we talk about like comparing people, uh, first of all, you wanna be in that second group of people. You wanna be in the group of people that say, I don't give a fuck what they're doing. Cause I'm doing what I'm doing and I know in the long term, what I'm doing is gonna beat what they're doing now.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:16Andy Frisella?

  All right. You wanna be that person. But the other reason that comparison is the thief of joy is such a bullshit statement.

• 7:25Andy Frisella?

  Is because if you don't compare yourself to other people, how do you know where you're weak? How do you know where you're strong? How do you know where you line up? How do you know what you need to work on? See, there's practicality to this that gets ignored. Because people can't even admit that another person might be doing more than them. Or might be winning more than them, or might know things they don't know. Or might be executing in a way that they aren't familiar with. Okay, and when you say, don't compare my life to anybody else's.

• 7:59Andy Frisella?

  Let's be fucking real, man. It's a justification for you to, to accept what it is you don't even want. Okay, so let's be real about this. This is bullshit. If you wanna win, you gotta compare yourself. If you wanna fucking win long term, you gotta understand what they're good at and you gotta be better than that. You can't do that if you can't acknowledge what other people are doing because you're afraid to. You can't do it. Okay, do you think that, uh, Nick Saban doesn't compare himself when he was coaching to other teams? You don't think they look at other teams and say, okay, well, these guys are good. These guys are good here. They're good there. They do this well. We gotta prepare for that. You don't think he does that?

• 8:41Andy Frisella?

  That's a natural part of any single fucking person that is competitive in anything. You don't think Michael Jordan, back when Michael Jordan was kicking ass, didn't understand? Every single other player on the team. You don't think he knew exactly which way the guy could pass better? You don't know which side of the court he shot from? We know these things. Competitors know these things. They have to know them. It's their fucking business. And if you're serious about winning, you should be comparing yourself in a way that helps you move forward. Now, is there a way that keeps you exactly where you are? Yeah, that's called being a fucking loser. Okay, that's called looking at other people and saying, well, you know,

• 9:23Andy Frisella?

  their parents had some money, or they started out on third base, or they hit social media when it was hot, or they had this thing that I didn't have, or they didn't have this thing that I have. And they start telling themselves all this shit to feel good about where they are, when in reality, the whole reason they're even reading the content, or going to the seminar, or talking, or listening to the podcast is because they know they're not okay where they are. So what the fuck are we doing? Okay, here's what you guys need to realize. There's a whole bunch of people out there that are claiming they're trying to make you better, when really they're just trying to make their business better. Okay, they're trying to pacify the masses. They're trying to talk to the victims.

• 10:06Andy Frisella?

  Victims are never going to step up and become what it is that they could and should and can become, because they are unable to take responsibility that the fucking thing that they call happened to them is actually usually a result of the poor decisions that they made in the past. Are there things that maybe they didn't decide that, you know, you know, maybe they were born without legs? Or, yeah, there's things like that, okay? But that's not you. Let's be real, it's fucking not. And every time you look at someone and you say, oh, you know, he's got this and that, that's your little bitch voice, making excuses as to why you can't and why they are, and none of it's true. Okay, so when we talk about this comparing thing,

• 10:51Andy Frisella?

  you guys need to switch your frame around how you compare. Okay, do you compare and then feel bad? Like you're saying in the thing, oh, man. Like dude, when I was fucking building my business, okay, think about this.

• 11:07Andy Frisella?

  The first three years, I made zero money. Like zero, zero dollars. I started when I was 19 years old. Okay, so that's 19, 20, 21.

• 11:18Andy Frisella?

  20, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, I made $695 per month for a total of $58,380 per year. Okay, every single one of my fucking friends, all of the, every single one was making more money than me. 10 years in, all of them, all of them. Do you know what I did? I didn't sit there and think, oh, man, you know, fuck, dude, they're all doing better than me. You know what I thought? Give me another fucking few years. Give me another few. Because I can promise you, I'm never going to live my life on a fucking $80,000 a year salary. It's not gonna fucking happen.

• 12:02Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so you have to have a little bit of fuck you, alright? And a lot of you guys need to cultivate that and develop it and understand, like, alright, cool, they're doing this? Well, then I'm gonna fucking do whatever it takes to do that. Competition is a core of every single fucking great person that's ever lived. The people that you admire the most, the people that you look up to, the people that you want to be like, they, they compare themselves. They may say they don't because they want to sound enlightened and like they're at peace. That's right. They, you can't get there without doing it, okay? They all got that dog. Yes, they all got it. And, and they try to get it out of you so that you don't, they don't have any competition.

• 12:45Andy Frisella?

  And you can keep buying their poor me books and listen to their poor me podcasts and listen to their feel-good fucking tweets about all this shit. Like, look at the comments of some of the fucking shit that people write and just read them. And you're like, holy shit, every single person here is fucked. Do you want to be one of those or not? That's what you gotta answer yourself. So, the, the end of the day, guys, this whole thing, there's a lot of bad information that you get fed that is not congruent with the reality of building, creating, becoming, and winning. That's the truth. And- If you want to win and you want to be great, you better compare yourself and you better compare yourself the right way. And you better know how to handle the emotional distress and the doubt and the frustration that comes from

• 13:31Andy Frisella?

  comparing yourself to someone and realizing that they're fucking better than you. Okay, and then being mature enough to say, okay, well, that's me. I gotta take action and move forward. That's how it should be handled.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like there's also a maturity thing too, right? Like, like, you, like, if I see somebody, what, like, hey, what are you doing, dude? You know what I'm saying? Like, how are you doing that? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, where does that, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, is, like, is, because I don't feel like people are truly, like, holding on, like, because there's really no secrets.

• 13:58Andy Frisella?

  There is no secrets.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Like, they're probably just doing something a little different than you are.

• 14:02Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, there's practicality to that, right? You want to ask them. Also, you don't know how long they've been doing it.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 14:08Andy Frisella?

  Also, maybe they're 10 years older than you. Also, blah, blah, blah. Also, there's all kinds of shit you don't know, but that doesn't matter. All you gotta do is look at what they're good at and fucking get better than them. That's it.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:20Andy Frisella?

  Okay, and if you don't have that capacity, you just don't have what it takes to win. And you gotta realize that. Like, you should stop reading this content about winning. You should stop listening to this podcast. You should stop fucking going online. You should unplug and go live your fucking life. Because, dude, the problem with this, this whole hustle culture shit, which, by the way, that's not the enemy, okay? The problem is, is that you have people who have figured out how to market it right, okay? It's really hard to market. Hey, man, uh, it's gonna take real fucking long and it's gonna be hard and you're gonna go crazy and you're gonna lose all your friends and then you're gonna make new friends and then you're gonna lose them again.

• 15:06Andy Frisella?

  And you're probably gonna lose some fucking girlfriends and you might get divorced and, you know, there's all kinds of things that are gonna hap- like, you know what I'm saying? Like, these things.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  I wasn't here that shit.

• 15:16Andy Frisella?

  No, what, what, what, hey, uh, by the way, that's $5,000 a month.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 15:21Andy Frisella?

  You know, and then another thing to go wi- with you guys.

• 15:25Andy Frisella?

  You guys paying these fucking idiots that have never built anything to teach you something just shows that you don't have the intelligence to fucking win. Okay, when you look at somebody who's 22 years old, or 25 years old, or 30 years old, and you can't see their business, you can't, like, you can't see it. Okay, you don't know, it's all, remember, you know, you ever notice all these guys got mystical businesses? You ever notice all these companies they have that nobody fucking knows about? Yeah, they're in Wakanda. Right, but you understand? I got this company, I got this company, I got this company, we did 500 million dollars. Okay, let's see it. All right?

• 16:07Andy Frisella?

  You guys don't dig far enough because you, you want them to have the answer. You want to believe that they have the quick fix. And so you don't dig, and you don't use your common sense. You guys that pay these people who are, who have never really built anything, and they're just flossing some fucking lifestyle that they rent to teach, dude, you guys are the dumbest fucking ones out there. And then these people love to say, well, I got scammed. Yeah, you deserve to because you're fucking stupid. Okay, that's the truth. Nobody wants to talk about that. Yeah. Nobody wants to talk about the, the

• 16:43Andy Frisella?

  responsibility of the person who's actually trying to buy the quick get rich scheme. Yeah, you got some onus on this too. Hold on. Yeah. This guy's selling you a scheme, and you know, it's, you, you're hoping it's a scheme, and then you, the scheme doesn't work for you, and now he fucked you? You're just as fucking fucked up as that guy. You see what I'm saying? Like, and then they get on the internet, like, this guy scammed me. No, you scammed yourself, dumbass.

• 17:12Andy Frisella?

  So, like, dude, the point is, there's probably like five people that are qualified to fucking teach you how to win on the internet. That's, that's really the truth. Yeah. And they're none of the, none of the people, like, yeah, dude, if they don't have real shit that you can see, you have no business at all, at all, paying them any money for shit. That's real, bro. That's real, man. Guys, Andy, question number two.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Andy, my company is growing, but I'm still involved in almost everything. For context, we do high-end landscaping and lighting. I know I need to delegate more, but I don't trust the people to do it at the level I would. How do you get over this fear and what protections did you put in to make sure the fuckery didn't mess up everything?

• 17:59Andy Frisella?

  Well, usually, the reason that, well, first of all, you gotta understand, when you delegate, usually, they're gonna do about 80% as good as you ask them to do. That's if they're good, alright? So, the way to protect yourself is to create defined standards, defined standards, a defined framework around exactly what is the win? What is the standard? How should things be done? And then it has to be enforced, okay? You won't ever, and it doesn't matter if it's landscape or any other business, you won't be able to scale it without the proper systems in place.

• 18:42Andy Frisella?

  And the reason that you probably feel like there's gonna be chaos is because not everybody understands the defined standard, alright? The standard has to be very clear. It has to, in your case, this would be you going out and taking literal photographs of how shit should be, tutorial videos about how shit should be, showing people exactly how it's done, documenting those things, putting them into a fucking defined win document, this is the standard, and making your people sign the fucking standard. So that way, when, and then, if you don't meet the standard, this is what happens. And make them sign the fucking document.

• 19:24Andy Frisella?

  That way, when you go to a job site and you see plants that are halfway sticking out, or paver stones that aren't put in right, you could pull out your document and you could be like, "Does this look like that?"

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:36Andy Frisella?

  "Is that your fucking name?"

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:38Andy Frisella?

  You see what I'm saying? There has to be systems. And as you start to scale out with these systems, the standard starts to become plugged in and known. So, you start, the other teammates and everybody else starts to hold the line, because they know that if you come on the site... And, uh, you know, you find the paver stones fucked up that they're gonna have to do it over and they're not gonna get fucking paid for it. Okay? They don't like that. No, they're not gonna like it. So, once that standard is, is in place, it spreads and people accept it and they understand that this is how I should operate it all the times. And if you're smart, you build this not around punishment, but around

• 20:21Andy Frisella?

  the purpose of what we're doing. We are here to be the best. We are the best. We do things better than everybody. We are gonna fucking make everybody else's work look like shit. And, and, and the good thing is with landscaping is that a lot of people that do landscaping take a lot of pride in how the outcome looks. So, when you set this standard and you start to operate on this standard for a while, it will set and then you'll be able to scale. Okay? No, no company can scale without defined standards. It's impossible. And most small businesses have a hard time thinking like, how do I define the standard? Dude, it's real simple. Like, if you don't have this, you don't gotta make this, this doesn't have to be some high-tech, uh, you know, professional document, bro. Fifty thousand dollars, fucking, yeah.

• 21:04Andy Frisella?

  Do what you can. You got fucking AI now. Okay? Go take the fucking pictures. Fucking, plug him into AI and say, make me a fucking sheet of a, a standards document. You know, tell her what you're trying to do and have it fucking make it for you. Okay? Like, this doesn't take a lot of time, especially now. And if you're operating any business at all, without a, a, like, like, without a very

• 21:31Andy Frisella?

  clear set of operational standards, you just cannot scale. Okay? Systems scale. Systems scale. Nothing else scales. All right? Chaos does not scale. You pointing your finger and saying, do that, move that, that doesn't scale. You're going to do it yourself. That doesn't scale. What scales is systems. And you've gotta learn how to develop them. And I know that sounds complicated to people who've never done that before. But, just like when I started in business, you could start very simply. Okay? We started with a checklist. Here's the things that have to be done to open a store, run a store, close a store, every single day. You gotta check this shit off and you gotta sign it. Every day. Okay? That's, that's as simple as it gets. Everybody can do that.

• 22:16Andy Frisella?

  And then that will scale out over time and you'll get to a, a place where, you know, eventually you've got a, a full system that regulates standards, right? Yeah. So. So yeah, man. I mean, it sounds scary, but it's really not. And uh, everybody goes through this. I went through this when we opened up our second store. We went from one store to two stores. As stupid as it sounds, that was the hardest thing for me to ever do in business because I was so afraid of everybody fucking it up. But what I didn't realize is we really didn't have anything to fuck up at the time. You know what I mean? Back then, I thought we did. Um, but you know, and now when people walk in, right?

• 23:01Andy Frisella?

  And they walk into this building and they see this building, the other building and all these people and all this shit and you know, S2's headquarters and all. And they'll always say, they're like, how, how, how the fuck do you do all this? It's all systems, bro. It's all systems. People know what they gotta do. It's clearly defined. They do it. They, and, and once your company becomes mature and everybody starts to understand what the systems are, then it becomes a truly locked in standard that people can identify without even having to check the system, right? Like other, other peers will hold the other peers accountable. They'll say, well, that's not how we do it here.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. I, I know you also talk too often about like irrational, like fears. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, you're gonna have, you know, you're scared. I'm scared my police is gonna steal from me.

• 23:47Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, they're gonna.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Right? I'm, I'm afraid they're gonna fucking, you know, quit on me.

• 23:51Andy Frisella?

  They're gonna.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Right? And so like, you know, in this situation, this guy's trying to find somebody who, who I guess he can trust to put that delegation. How much are you investing? Like, how do you find that person? Like, are you like?

• 24:03Andy Frisella?

  Well, what, what are you gonna delegate if you don't have systems?

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:09Andy Frisella?

  Delegating is easy when people know what to do.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 24:13Andy Frisella?

  You understand?

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:14Andy Frisella?

  Like, like what's hard is delegating and, and, and the person not knowing what to do and hoping they do it right.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:22Andy Frisella?

  Like, like, you gotta put the systems in before you delegate.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:25Andy Frisella?

  Okay?

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:27Andy Frisella?

  Like, hey, I want you to bake a cake.

• 24:31Andy Frisella?

  Okay? Here's the cake I want you to bake. Oh, I got it.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 24:34Andy Frisella?

  All right?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 24:35Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, that's, it's very simple.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's just funny, because I also think too, is like, people always like, you know, like, the, the guys you have, like your C-level guys, right? Like, fucking dogs, right? But it's like, I guess the question is like, how did you find those people? But it's like, you didn't, like, those-

• 24:50Andy Frisella?

  They built themselves.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, right.

• 24:52Andy Frisella?

  Through the system.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:53Andy Frisella?

  They executed the system perfectly. They're great. They hold the standard. They move up.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what happens. That's why it's so important to have that shit in place.

• 25:00Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you gotta have the, you, they gotta know what to do before you tell them what, what to do.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:04Andy Frisella?

  Okay? And you telling them what to do, like I said, they're gonna do 80% of it. If you want them to do 100, they gotta know exactly what to do.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  I love it. Love it, man. Uh, guys, Andy, let's-

• 25:15Andy Frisella?

  It should become like, the way. Okay, like, I don't know what your company's name is, like, Steve's Landscaping.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:24Andy Frisella?

  At Steve's Landscaping, this is how the fuck we do shit here. Okay, we do shit like this. When you hold a high standard, eventually that works into your brand standard. Okay, which becomes equitable, because the brand gets identified as a top-quality brand.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:37Andy Frisella?

  It's very important. All right? So, think of it like this.

• 25:44Andy Frisella?

  This is how we do things. That's where you want it to get to. And it will, if you define it early.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Got it.

• 25:50Andy Frisella?

  Does that make sense?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  It makes perfect sense, dude. It makes perfect sense, yeah. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Uh, guys, Andy, question number three. Uh, let's get to it. Uh, Andy, I've realized something about myself that I don't love. Uh, when everything starts to go well, more attention, more opportunity, more responsibility, I instinctively shrink a little. Uh, I'll procrastinate, distract myself, or downplay it, like, uh, it's like, part of me is uncomfortable being seen at a higher level. Why do people sabotage right when things start working? And how do you stop doing that?

• 26:30Andy Frisella?

  I don't know, I've never done that.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 26:33Andy Frisella?

  I think that's, I think that's a, I think that's a- I think that's a bullshit. I think that's another bullshit thing that people say. I just, I just think.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  You don't think this is real?

• 26:42Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:43Andy Frisella?

  Why the fuck would you fucking get an opportunity and then shrink down and not take it? Why, why would you, why would you get an opportunity that comes to you that you are so excited about and work so hard for? Only to quote unquote, not execute. What the fuck is wrong with you? This is what you asked for. This is what you want. You should be running full fucking speed. Okay?

• 27:10Andy Frisella?

  I can't relate to that. I get asked that self sabotage shit all the time. And I cannot, I don't understand what they're even fucking, I really honestly, and I mean this, I don't understand what they're saying.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:22Andy Frisella?

  I just don't get it. I don't get it. What do you mean you're self sabotaging? You're, what do you mean?

• 27:31Andy Frisella?

  You asked for the opportunity. You wanted the opportunity. The opportunity came to you and now you're not gonna fucking take it? What?

• 27:43Andy Frisella?

  Why? Why would you do that?

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:45Andy Frisella?

  I don't even know, like.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Is it a confidence thing, dude?

• 27:48Andy Frisella?

  No, I can't answer the question because I don't know what the fuck it means. I can't answer the question because I don't know what it means.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:56Andy Frisella?

  What do you, what do you talk, like, what do you, what do you mean self sabotage? Like, what are you, what does he mean?

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't.

• 28:02Andy Frisella?

  What do you think he means?

• 28:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, it sounds to me like it's a confidence thing, man. Like, you're not confident in your fucking abilities to go through with it or like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't, you don't believe in yourself. Like, it sounds like an inner issue here. Like, there's something personal going on there. I don't, I personally, I can't relate to it either.

• 28:19Andy Frisella?

  Let me ask you something. Okay, let's say it is that. Let's say you get some new responsibility.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:25Andy Frisella?

  And you don't exactly know what to do.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 28:28Andy Frisella?

  Okay? Do you think the Wright brothers knew what the fuck they were doing?

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Before they put cardboard and shit together?

• 28:33Andy Frisella?

  They fucking threw some cardboard together and said, ah, let's run this bitch down the fucking runway and see if it works.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right.

• 28:39Andy Frisella?

  Okay? Here's the thing. Think back to any job that you've ever had. Ever. Did you learn it in training or did you learn it on the job? You learned it in the fucking job and it doesn't matter, bro. Doctors go to med school for 12 years and then they get in the hospital and they actually learn shit.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 29:00Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so it's a learning experience.

• 29:04Andy Frisella?

  You're gonna learn more by doing than you'll learn by anything else. Okay, so there's that. Why else would it be?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:13Andy Frisella?

  No, I, I, I, I tr- Google fucking-

• 29:15Speaker 01

  People ask this-

• 29:16Andy Frisella?

  Yes, I don't know what the fuck it means.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Huh. What is self sabotage? Dude, I love this.

• 29:24Andy Frisella?

  I think it's fucking, I don't know.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, the definition is it refers to the intentional or unconscious behaviors, thoughts and actions that undermines a person's own goals, success and wellbeing. It acts as a self-imposed barrier, often driven by fear of failure, fear of success-

• 29:43Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Or low self-worth.

• 29:45Andy Frisella?

  No, look, bro. This is why you gotta have a system. This, this, this is why. Okay, this is why we have the operator standard tech with arcane and all the shit. This, this, this is why. If you run your system, okay? And you, you're, you're, you have, you're, you're basing your wins on a 24 hour day. All right, you got five critical, critical tasks every single day. You win or you lose based on those critical tasks being executed. Regardless of how you feel. All right? Now you get this, and that's how you live. Cause that's how I live. And maybe this is why I can't, why I can't understand it. Cause I don't deal in those things, like-

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:24Andy Frisella?

  I deal in what I did or didn't do. So if you've, if you've operated a personal, if you've started to install a personal operating system that you execute on no matter what. No matter how you feel, no matter what's going on. Then it forces you to keep moving down the fucking pipe when new responsibility is piled on top of you. You don't have time to think or analyze or self sabotage when these are just things that you have to get done to win the day.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:54Andy Frisella?

  So probably my, my misunderstanding of this concept comes from the fact that I've lived on a personal operating system for my whole professional life, which I give to you guys in the operator standard. It's not open right now, but when we get the MVP dialed in, it will be. But- It, you know, this is why you have to win, work on a, a system.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:18Andy Frisella?

  Because system scale. It doesn't matter if you, if you're feeling like a fraud, if you gotta get the shit done today for it to be a win. You see what I'm saying?

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:27Andy Frisella?

  So like.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  I, I wonder, you know, I was thinking like when you bought your first nice car.

• 31:31Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Cause I think, I, I, I think it was on the MFCO, you told the story how like you didn't really, really wanna drive it. Like you didn't want nobody to see you had it.

• 31:39Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  You know, it was, do you think that's kinda similar? You know what I'm saying? Cause you're like, ah. You know, or.

• 31:43Andy Frisella?

  I haven't shit, I hadn't shifted into my new identity fully and got comfortable with it yet. That could be a thing, but that doesn't mean you stop.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:50Andy Frisella?

  That doesn't mean you hesitate.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:52Andy Frisella?

  That doesn't mean you fucking quote unquote self sabotage. Or you need to realize that if you don't take the opportunity, you're probably not gonna get another one.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 32:00Andy Frisella?

  You know, um. But this is why again, why I believe in systems over fucking emotions or feelings or any of this other shit. The end of the day, bro, when it comes down to what you did versus what you didn't, it is it. It's one plus one equals fucking two. It is, it is binary. Okay. You did or you didn't. And if you did, even though you're feeling like a fraud and you're having hesitation, you don't feel, it doesn't matter. Because you did it. Okay? If you didn't do it, it doesn't matter if you feel like you're the king of the world and the baddest ass motherfucker on the planet. You still didn't do it. So these feelings are irrelevant and this way that you feel about your life is irrelevant.

• 32:41Andy Frisella?

  You need to adopt a daily framework of execution that forces you forward regardless of how you're feeling. Okay. I personally, like I'm just being real and people probably think I'm bullshitting this. I can't relate to the self sabotage thing, dude. I can't relate to it.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:58Andy Frisella?

  I don't get it. Like you're gonna tell me, you, you all must not have starved fucking long enough. You all must not have been broke. Because I remember what it's like to be broke. I remember what it's like to not have any money. I remember what it's like to not have shit and I fucking hated it. And I wanted anything more than that. Okay. So, yeah, maybe I did walk into rooms and, and, and raise my hand for things that I didn't fucking know what I was doing, but I did that because I needed to get away from where I was. And I didn't let things, you know, like, yeah, there's been like, bro, you think, you think when I started, uh, this, this company way back in 1999?

• 33:36Andy Frisella?

  I knew anything about supplements? I didn't know shit, bro. The first customer that came in, that was a real customer, not my friend. I remember it perfectly. He came over, he asked me, he says, hey, uh, you know, what do you think of this? And it was, it was a product called Cell Tech. And I'm like,

• 33:54Andy Frisella?

  I don't know. I pick up the fucking bottle, start reading it to him. I'm like, well, it says here, you could gain fucking this and this and this, and it does this, and it sounds pretty cool. Pretty good. Yeah.

• 34:06Andy Frisella?

  Like, that's where I started. Yeah. Like, but I didn't sit there in there and be like, oh, man, I'm so unqualified for this. Like, I, I, it didn't even hit my mind until the motherfucker was in the store, asking me that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it says, uh, it says right here, dude. Yeah. So like, you just gotta go and you gotta do the best you can. And you gotta be willing to make some mistakes and look stupid and understand. But for this person, you've got momentum and you're like, oh, I don't know if I, bro, what the fuck? This is what you've been working for. What are you doing? Okay, you need to be running full speed. I hate to break it to y'all. But the opportunity is to win, the window is closing.

• 34:49Andy Frisella?

  Okay, you don't have time to hesitate. You don't have time to, to feel, uh, you know, I'm self sabotaging myself. You don't have that time. You don't have time right now. You don't have time for balance right now. You don't fucking have it. The window is closing, the world is changing. Those that adapt are going to win and those that don't are going to be poor. That is reality right now. And if you do not accept that reality, you might as well accept being in the latter group, the poor group, the group that's gonna struggle their whole fucking life. You think you're struggling with, you know, oh, I've got fucking imposter syndrome and I don't know, I don't have the, you think that's a struggle? Wait till you can't fucking eat. That's a fucking struggle. Okay?

• 35:36Andy Frisella?

  Some of y'all really must not have spent much time there. You must not know what it's like to have nothing. Because you're about to if you keep fucking around with this stupid shit like, "Oh, I fucking don't feel qualified to do it." Nobody's qualified. Nobody has confidence. You know how they get confidence? By moving regardless of how they feel and then figuring it the fuck out. And then they look back, they're like, "I can't believe that even stopped me." You don't think I look back at my, me going from one to two stores and laugh at myself and be like, "Fuck, I wasted five and a half, or five years doing that? I could have done that and right away it would have been fine."

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:11Andy Frisella?

  Like, you know what I'm saying?

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, even with your knowledge of, of supplements and shit now, right? Like, you have that knowledge now, you know fucking all the whole business. You know every product out there, you know what I'm saying? Like, at a chemical level, right? Like, you understand.

• 36:24Andy Frisella?

  That's, that's from doing it for 20, listen dude, I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I've forgotten more about fucking nutritional supplements than most people will ever fucking know. But I don't even talk about it, so they don't even assume that I really know the shit.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 36:36Andy Frisella?

  Okay?

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Right.

• 36:37Andy Frisella?

  But I spent my whole life doing it, yeah, I fucking know.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:39Andy Frisella?

  Okay? You know what I'm saying? Like, you just gotta go and all the shit to make you qualified will come. And then you'll gain confidence by saying, "Man, you know what? I didn't know what I was doing, but I figured it the fuck out." And then the next time that situation comes up, because that's gonna come up a whole bunch, you're gonna be like, "Well, you know what? I figured it out last time, I'll figure this out too." And then you get real comfortable with uncertainty.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:02Andy Frisella?

  And I hate to tell you this, but this is the truth, the most successful people in the world are the most comfortable with being uncomfortable. Okay, they are the people that can operate with uncertainty. They are the people that can go and have courage regardless of if the outcome is guaranteed or not. Because they have confidence in themselves that they will make the outcome so. Okay, so we have to understand that all this fucking new age... pussified nonsense that you read online will keep you fucking broke. That is for other people. That is for victims who want to feel like they're actually doing something without actually doing anything. Which is most people. Bro, you feel bad because you're not who you're supposed to be.

• 37:47Andy Frisella?

  And that's what it comes down to. If you want to feel good, be who you're supposed to be. Physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, in every which way. If you're gonna, if you're, if you're, it's really hard to feel bad about your life. When you're doing everything you know you're supposed to do. Yeah. Like when you know and you look at yourself in the mirror and, and, and at nighttime and you say, I did everything I'm supposed to do. You, you can't feel bad. No, if you actually did it. Yeah, you're not gonna feel bad. It's impossible. The reason all these people are looking for the solution to feel good is because they're unwilling to do the one thing that will actually make them feel better because it requires fucking effort. And it's not comfortable and it requires courage. You have to go without guarantee of success.

• 38:31Andy Frisella?

  That's why people fucking flock to this shit, dude. Yeah. You know? And nothing sexy about that. Oh, man, you know, I'm fucking, uh, uh, uh. Well, then fucking sit on the bench. Holy shit, man. Nosebleeds, dog. Dude, for real. Those ticket sales too? Listen, winning is not for everybody. Yeah. It's not for everyone. Okay, it's not even for most of the people that think they want to win. Because they're unwilling to do the things that are required to win. It's very simple. It is very simple. Most people want to feel ambitious. They want to feel like they're trying. They want to feel like they're doing shit. But they're not actually doing shit. Okay, and these are the people that buy all the fucking self-help books.

• 39:13Andy Frisella?

  And they go to all the therapy and they fucking optimize their morning routine, 500 steps. They do everything except the fucking work that's going to move them forward. If they took, it's like a criminal. If a criminal took all the effort that they put into trying to scheme and scheme and scheme and scheme and scheme and just fucking did it the right way, they'd be Fucking hundred millionaire, bro. And so would these motherfuckers, okay? They are willing to look at every single thing. And do all these things that require all this thinking and all this effort and all this analyzation. When it require, if they would just say, fuck it.

• 39:55Andy Frisella?

  I'm just gonna do what I gotta do every single day to the top of my ability, no matter what. They would become and all the things that they're dealing with would go away. That's the truth. Okay, oh, well, what about mental health? Your mental health will be a lot better when you're winning, bro.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  It's a fact.

• 40:13Andy Frisella?

  That's a fact. What do you, you know, there, there's no greater stress than financial stress. None. Financial stress is the worst. You're not willing to get away from that? You think you're gonna fucking therapy your way out of feeling under the boot of fucking financial pressure? No way. You have two options. Sell all your shit. And live within your means so that you don't have the financial stress. Or go out and win and not have to worry about it. Then you get to do whatever the fuck you want and you got the money. I would recommend that. Okay, but. What do I know?

• 40:53Speaker 01

  I love it, man. I love it, dude.

• 40:56Andy Frisella?

  I just, dude, it's just frustrating, dude. It's like. You watch these people and you're like. They're trying to fix a problem.

• 41:05Andy Frisella?

  That comes from them not doing or becoming or creating the life that they want. And they're willing to do anything to feel better about the problem. Except solve the problem.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  So do you really want it to go away? They, do you really want the?

• 41:21Andy Frisella?

  No, they don't. They don't want the problem to go away. They just want, look, dude, there's a difference between winning and wanting to feel like you're trying to win. And it's just two different things. And most people are in the latter category. They, they wanna, they wanna, they don't wanna be looked at as somebody who's like just lazy. They don't wanna be, you know?

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:40Andy Frisella?

  Like.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:41Andy Frisella?

  You know, and then they got all this pressure and all this anxiety and all this stress from being poor and, and fat and out of shape and no. You know, no, nothing of what they actually want for themselves. And then even worse, what do they start telling themselves? I'm good, I'm good, I'm good where I'm at. Yeah. You know what, this, I'm perfect the way I am. No the fuck you're not. Okay? A breeze on shit, dog. Bro, it's still gonna smell like shit, you know? Like, dude, it's just a, it's just a fucking ocean of justification and, and self lying. You know what I'm saying? Like, bro, do the shit.

• 42:28Andy Frisella?

  I, I really, like, I don't know. I have a hard time relating to it, dude. Hmm. I really don't get it. Hmm. And maybe that's because I've lived on both sides of it. You know, maybe it's because I know how much better your life is when you actually dig the fuck in and do what you're supposed to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Most people don't know that. Yeah. You know, that's why you have people who are a hundred pounds overweight and they, they, they don't notice. They're like, how you feel? I feel okay. Feel fine. Mm-hmm. No, you feel like shit. You're just so used to it. You don't realize how shitty you fucking feel. Oh, yeah. You know, and it's, it's the same thing when they're broke. It's the same thing when they're, you know, it's the same thing, bro. You acclimate to that level and then you're comfortable there and you know,

• 43:13Andy Frisella?

  it's not what you really want,

• 43:17Andy Frisella?

  but yet you're unwilling to do the things that are actually gonna change it. So, why do you, why is it so important to you for everybody to think you're trying to win? Why is it so important for you to pretend like you're trying to get better? Why don't you just fucking go be one of them? Just fucking delete all the fucking podcasts, delete all the personal development shit, throw the personal development books in the fucking trash and just live your life. Okay? Like, just go do it. There's nothing wrong with that. You're never gonna be happy.

• 43:52Andy Frisella?

  But you're certainly never gonna be happy if you think that you're gonna become this thing that you never become and you're not willing to do the work. So.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  That's real, man.

• 44:01Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, man.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Fucking real, man. Guys.

• 44:03Andy Frisella?

  I mean, it's scary to think how many people waste their lives, their whole lives, bro.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:07Andy Frisella?

  Thinking like what they're gonna do one day. I'm gonna do this one day.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  You're gonna die. That's what's gonna happen.

• 44:14Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Well, I think that's another thing, you know. I think, I think a lot of people have never dealt with a true, like, near-death experience where they realize how fast it could be over. And, and, and, uh, that's probably another, another thing.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:31Andy Frisella?

  That keeps people where they are.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:33Andy Frisella?

  That's something that I think changed my mentality. I know it did.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've had a few.

• 44:36Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, too.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:37Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. Makes you think different.

• 44:41Andy Frisella?

  It does. Makes you think totally different because you know it can be over in a fucking second. So your, your, your, your urgency goes way the fuck up, dude.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:50Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 44:50Speaker 01

  That's fucking real, man. That's real. Yeah, man. Well, guys, Andy.

• 44:56Andy Frisella?

  That was three. Yep. Alright, guys. We will see you tonight, 7:00 PM Central. We're CTI Live. Don't be a hoe.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  Shut your mouth.