This Old House w/ Chris Distefano!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Chris Distefano! You know Chris Distefano from Stand Up Comedy, History Hyenas podcast, Chrissy Chaos, Hey Babe!, The Joe Rogan Experience, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, 2 Bears 1 Cave, This Past Weekend, The Tim Dillon Show, We Might Be Drunk, Bad Friends, Whisky Ginger, Story Warz, Stavvy's World, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Guy Code and so much more! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Aura Frames: Exclusive $25-off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/GARBAGE. Promo Code: GARBAGE Ultra: Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code GARBAGE at https://takeultra.com! Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, that Back on the Block tour just keeps a- rolling on. Grab your tickets, grab the squad. Come on out, see the boys.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, this May, we got Los Angeles, then we're doing the Comedy Cellar in New York City, little AYG and Friends show, Portland, Maine. Those tickets are going fast. We got two shows in Pittsburgh, uh, then Cleveland, Ohio, Atlantic City, New Jersey, this summer. The boys are going down ashore. And then Comedy Works in Denver. Get those tickets, come to a live show, we love yous.

• 0:23H. Foley?

  Love yous. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:31H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they're good, they be classy.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  If they're just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:38H. Foley?

  I'm your host, Ace Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in a new addition. She's upstairs with her TRT and peptides.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  She's getting jacked. She's got chest hair coming in.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Got that V coming back.

• 0:49H. Foley?

  Beat me in arm wrestling yesterday.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  My co's coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman, and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, too, when the boys are climbing the fucking charts on Spotify, daddy-o.

• 1:13H. Foley?

  We're in the charts, doing Top of the Pops next week.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Woo, baby. Uh, and then obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/rugarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content.

• 1:23H. Foley?

  That's right, Kippy. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. A family member here in Antutti.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:31H. Foley?

  Just a kid from the other side of town. Give it up for Chris DiStefano, everybody.

• 1:35Speaker 02

  What's up, everybody?

• 1:36H. Foley?

  The one, the only.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  How you doing, my friends?

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Chrissy D.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Look at this, coming in, everybody's shooting up.

• 1:41H. Foley?

  Everybody's shooting up?

• 1:42Speaker 02

  You guys are on, uh, Mounjaro, I'm on the Red or True Tide, everybody's got needles.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  It's like, fuck, you're like fucking Belka Labs in here.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm, what I'm gonna start to do is-

• 1:51Speaker 01

  What, you on Kep-11? You on Kep-11?

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm on BPC 157, TB 500, I'm on Motsi, I'm on Slank, I'm on Red or True Tide.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  A little DIC, yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's what it is, babe.

• 2:01H. Foley?

  You like that guy that sold Mickey Rourke all the steroids in The Wrestler?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  That's what I'm trying to look like, Mickey Rourke. I wanna look like somebody's jacked aunt.

• 2:09H. Foley?

  He won the Academy Award for that movie.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  He did.

• 2:12H. Foley?

  Supposed to be Nicolas Cage, they said.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I haven't seen you in a while, Hank, and I was, when you were, you were

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Oh, man, yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  You were ripping a heater out there, and I said, I said, "Wow, you look great," which you do, and then you turned to the side, I said, "Growing the hair out."

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, he went, it was a, "Growing the hair out."

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  It was a real, it was a real, like, Aunt Diane response.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Can we do a thing, can we set a goal, where you get down to 150 down?

• 2:34H. Foley?

  150 pounds?

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Down.

• 2:37H. Foley?

  Oh, okay, not 150.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  No, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah. Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. No, 150 down, 150 off the starting weight.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  We cut the hair.

• 2:49H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  What do we think of that? I pay for, I'm talking about

• 2:53H. Foley?

  You'll take me to a nice joint?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I'm getting, no, what I'm gonna do, I got a great barber, they're gonna come here, gay guy, clip you up nice, it's like Edward Scissorhands.

• 3:00H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  He, and he comes and clips you up, and we get to the number 150 down.

• 3:05H. Foley?

  I like that. Right now, I'm at 85.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  So we got, what do we, so we got 70 something, 80 more to go, 65 more to go.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  And then we cut the hair. What do you think?

• 3:13H. Foley?

  I'm down.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  I think maybe we do it before that, right?

• 3:17H. Foley?

  Well, here's the thing, I grew it out for tires, because the guy, the

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 3:20H. Foley?

  The guy has a ponytail, and now I kinda like it.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  It does look good.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  And I'm kind of in a, you know, a transitional spot in my life, and you know, I'm letting the hair grow a little bit, so, you know, it feels right.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  You're letting it go, you're letting the hair go, you're letting the weight go?

• 3:34H. Foley?

  Weight go.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Good, man.

• 3:35H. Foley?

  Letting the past go, baby, letting the pain go.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Letting it all go.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  Letting the pain go, new book by H. Foley.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:40H. Foley?

  More of a pamphlet.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Right. And Kippee looks good, too.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Right, buddy?

• 3:44Speaker 02

  But the big man, the big man's outshining, yeah.

• 3:47H. Foley?

  Well, Kippee, Kippee was really the inspiration for this, Kippee really got down there.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:52H. Foley?

  He, he was, he was chunky.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Chunky monkey, yeah.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  I got big. I got real big, my fucking, my head gets bigger, and the, this part stays the same.

• 4:00H. Foley?

  He likes the gummy bears, Chrissy.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  He likes

• 4:01Speaker 02

  And you know what it was, you weren't, now you look good, you weren't storing the fat, right?

• 4:06Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  You weren't stor, you're not, some people are good at storing the fat.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Actually, Hank looked okay fatter, because he stored it, you didn't look good fat, you look good like this.

• 4:14H. Foley?

  I can store it.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Because you don't have a fat, you don't have fat features, you know what I mean?

• 4:19Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  You don't, and your, and your ass blows out a little bit like a pear.

• 4:23H. Foley?

  And your face gets real pudgy.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  I'm glad you guys put a lot of thought into this. Did you guys have a fucking, a production meeting you do today?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, we used to call you Whole Foods, when I walked in.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  But no, Kippe really got down.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Now he looks great.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  And he did it quick, so then I started on the, uh, on the zep bound and, um, laid off the booze for a little while.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  It's the booze, man. I can tell on a, we go on like a four or five day run out there on the road, we're doing the meet and greets. I can see it first night, cause I'm like, oh, I'm looking, I'm tight. Night three, night four, I'm having a couple of these fantastic garage beers.

• 4:57H. Foley?

  Alcoholic beverages.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Dude, my head, I think I'm allergic to beer. My, dude, I get so swollen.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  Don't say that, what are you talking about? Not garage beers.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  No, obviously not.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  I think I, you might be. I have, I haven't had a sip of booze in about four months.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  No kidding?

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been, I, I have, if I am gonna go out and party a little bit, I'll have a, um, a weed, like a THC CBD seltzer.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Who are you?

• 5:17Speaker 02

  A weed seltzer. Cause you know what it was? Me and my lady, we were just like, it wasn't any of, like, it wasn't this thing about like, uh, you know, this come to Jesus moment. We both were just like, we don't like the way we feel.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  We have little kids, every single time we drink.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  The little kids is tough.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  The little kids suffer. So we were like, uh, there's just, also, we, you know, our, we got a teenage, you know, stepson, her son, he's looking at us.

• 5:40H. Foley?

  Is he a teenager now?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  He's 15 years old.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  We're having a couple of pops in the house, drinking wine, and it's like, you know, subconsciously, then they start to see it.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  That's how I learned.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  So it's no judgment on people who do wanna drink, it just wasn't for us. I, you know, and it's a nice place, I'm 41, and I find, I used to, I still was suffering from peer pressure, like the, like at the Met, we went to the Mets game recently with, with my friends from home, and they were all making fun of me, not drinking, and I would have caved to that last year, but now it's like, I, I just don't care. Now, I'm finally at a place in my life where I just really don't care about what anybody else thinks of me, but in a positive way. Doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and be a scumbag to someone, but I'm just not taking in, I'm just not taking in everyone's opinions anymore.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  100%.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  I'm like, what, what life do I wanna live?

• 6:20Speaker 01

  You're not letting it affect their behavior.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  What life do I wanna live? What's best for me and my family? And then I'll, I'll do that with also, but not screwing anybody over, you know what I mean? But I can't tell you how many years of my life I was living somebody else's life.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  That I didn't even really.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Man, oh man.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  I didn't even do that. I didn't even mean to do that.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  The gospel according to Christ.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  That's what it is, baby. I got Jesus Christ in my life. Big.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  Are you going to church? Are you going to church?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Back to church, baby.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  No, you're not.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Back to Jesus.

• 6:45H. Foley?

  Are you? You guys going to mass up there?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Well, she doesn't really want to go, but I go. And if I used to try to force the kids to go, but now I kind of make everything, you know, you want to come?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Come as you are.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  I'm going to put pressure, but I'm going.

• 6:57H. Foley?

  You're going by yourself?

• 6:58Speaker 02

  I'm going. Sunday's 10 a.m.

• 7:00H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Now, can I ask you, do you, do you take communion then leave?

• 7:03Speaker 02

  I take, well, no, so.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  That's, that's a real dirtbag church thing that I did all growing up. My dad, we'd go.

• 7:08H. Foley?

  Dirtbag Catholic move.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  You want to know what's, what's bad? My dad wouldn't even take it. He had like the guilt of like, I, I've done some stuff I can't take.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Dude, I know. My mother's like.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  So I would take it and then he would have the car waiting out front and I'd walk out and hop in the car.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  My mother's same way. She would say, you know, go, she's glad I'm going back to church, but she was like, have you went to confession? Because if you haven't went to confession, then you can't take communion. And so I, I spoke to a priest about that. And he said, that's old world thinking. That's fine. You could take, you could take the, eat Jesus's body all day.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  But you, wait, how do you mean, you don't like a confession? I'd like, I've been in confession like three or four times in the last like few months.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Real couple of days. It ain't working.

• 7:45H. Foley?

  I like going.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Do you know the act of contrition? You have it memorized?

• 7:47H. Foley?

  Of course. Oh my God, I'm sorry for my sins and choosing to sin and failing to do good. I've sinned against you and your church. I奉命in time to help with your son and make up for all my sins and love as I should. Bang, I'm clean.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  That's what it is.

• 7:57H. Foley?

  Get me a bag.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Now let's try the act of nutrition. Hey, man.

• 8:00H. Foley?

  Boom.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  And we're not preaching religion over here. No, no, no. That's, that's what we are.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  You just did a fucking 45 second prayer. What are you talking about?

• 8:07Speaker 02

  I want to be clear. I want to be clear.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  This guy's about to pass out the eucharist.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  We're not preaching, not preaching religion in any way, shape or form. You do what you want. You do what you want.

• 8:14H. Foley?

  If you're not Catholic, you're going to burn in hell. No big deal.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I'm just saying, if, you know, Mom Donnie's the mayor, if we got a crusade's coming, I'm, I'm happy, I'm happy on the Christian side is what I'm saying.

• 8:22H. Foley?

  He's a nice kid.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  We got the numbers and we got Jesus. I think Jesus wins in the great war all day. He's ripped. He can take some pain.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  He's on a monjaro, it looks like.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah, dude.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  He's got that V cut heavy.

• 8:35H. Foley?

  Chris is giving Jesus peptides?

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Jesus, I guarantee you, Jesus took peptides. Why the hell not? But we feel good. We're back out there, back in action.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  And yeah, living life, moved again.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  You got, yeah, you moved again, which it seems every time we have you, you just moved or you're about to move. Or you listed a house or you're, you're checking out a house or something. Can't keep you down.

• 8:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, take me back. You were in a, you, you got rid of the house and you stayed out.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Went Staten Island.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  So what we did, the, the whole.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  Then to like Ridgewood.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Here's what happened. You ready for this? Through, through years of therapy, we figured out what's, what's caused this chain reaction. All right? Here's, here's what happened. So. So we

• 9:09Speaker 01

  You're a piece of work, guy.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  We bought, we get the house in Staten Island, you guys came to.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Right?

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, beautiful, beautiful property.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  Beautiful house.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  I knew you were kinda doomed. Because you like filled in the pool or made, you redid the pool.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Went crazy.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Right away.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Went crazy on the pool, shout out Wooddale Avenue, Staten Island, lived there. Um, I sold it to a Palestinian family and let's just say the neighborhood was not happy with me. Um, although he's a very nice guy and a really good person, gave me all cash, so couldn't say no, but as I was, as I was leaving that block, we got a few parting texts, what the hell are you doing? Um, so.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  I thought we said never forget. Money's, money's flying out of the bag.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Dude, all cash?

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, I, I drove, I drove away with a bag of cash dressed as a sheik. I said, get the hell out of here.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  On my way to Radaya, hey, how you doing?

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Hey, how you doing?

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Rocked the Casbah play.

• 9:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went last year, I'll go again. So, um, and I need to go again because of Pella Windows, I'll tell you about it in a second.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  They got you.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  They, they clipped me, so.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  You stink.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  So what happened, what happened is, uh, you know, we're sitting there, this is about 2023, you know, and, and I'm nervous, right? Anxiety, I'm, the house, we gotta move, I got, you know, Staten Island, what are we doing out here? I need to be in the city, I need to be in the action. So we sell, right?

• 10:24Speaker 01

  It's just like, you wanna be in standup, like you wanna be in like, what action?

• 10:27Speaker 02

  That, well, here.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Did you even identify it in your head?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Well, here's, here, no, the thing was, I was putting, I was putting all this energy into, it must be the house that's making me feel this way. So what do we do? So we go, we, we had a lot of friends in Forest Hills, Queens, great area, I'm, you know, born and raised in Queens. You know, Jasmine liked Queens a, a, a lot, so we say, you know what? We had a five bedroom house in Staten Island, beautiful, no, no problems. I mean, uh, kids loved it.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Beautiful house.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  School was great, I mean, you know, so we sell the house and we move into a, a two bedroom apartment in Forest Hills, Queens, because I wanted to get, with the money that we got from the house, from the Palestinian money, I wanted to get a, uh, like a triplex apartment in Forest Hills. We're gonna have to buy it, do construction, it's gonna be a whole year process. I said, let's do it. So we're in contract for it, we're staying in this two bedroom apartment. All of a sudden, the one thing, Jasmine, first of all, is upset with me, she's like, we moved from a five beddy house. To a two-bedroom apartment, what the hell, what the hell are we?

• 11:20H. Foley?

  How are you doing that? You got, you got three kids.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Me and Jazz were sleeping on a pull-out couch in this living room. The kids were sleeping in their bedrooms. It was a crazy, crazy thing I did, right? So, so there's the number one thing Jasmine hates, the only thing that's traumatic. She grew up in the hood, survived a lot, roaches, right? All of a sudden, we're about a week into living in this apartment, roaches on the wall. Beautiful apartment, roaches everywhere. She flips out. Chris, get me out of this apartment. You sold our beautiful house, now I'm in a roach-infested apartment. Just a month ago, we had everything we wanted. Now, because of your big dumb idea, we're here.

• 11:57H. Foley?

  You're taking heat.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Taking heat. So then, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna look, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna rent us a house, I'm gonna figure this out, don't worry about it.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  You're not bouncing this off anybody. You're, you're, you're leading the charge.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  I'm just moving.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  I'm just moving.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  We got.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  That's a crazy way to talk about acquiring real estate.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  Two things, two things we didn't have in my life then that we have now that saves us from everything. One, Jesus, already talked about him. One, two things we didn't have. One, Jesus, two peptides. So we have those two things, Jesus and Peppies, and now we're thinking better. But, so, we go to the walkthrough of the apartment that we're in, contracted, that we're gonna buy, we're gonna do some demolition, blah, blah, blah. Go in there, guess what? Everywhere on the walls.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  Roaches.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Roaches. She says, "I'm not living in an apartment. I will not do it. It's the only thing, trauma, she's like, I can deal with mice, I can deal with anything, roaches, no, it's a, you know, PTSD from how she grew up." I said, "Oh, my God." So, that falls through. But now we're in Queens, we got the kids in the new school, we got them back in Catholic school, everything's going, right?

• 12:58Speaker 01

  Jesus saves.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Jesus saves. So we rent, we rent this house, right? And it's like an old lady's house. I mean, it's a nice enough house, don't get me wrong.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  In Queens, in farce hills.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  In farce hills. But it's an old, it's, it's, you know, we came from, you know, we did all this renovation in Staten Island, now we're sitting in this old lady's house. Nobody's happy. I'm not happy, the family's not happy, my kids aren't, you know, adjusting to it all. So then...

• 13:19H. Foley?

  You're packing everything up and you're moving?

• 13:20Speaker 02

  We're pack, dude, I moved three ti, I moved three times in three months with a full family.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  I kill myself, dude.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Full, full moves, right? So then, so then, we, you know, we're looking, we say, you know, the kids come to us and, you know, they're hap- you know, they're happy enough for sure, but they're like, you know, we missed the pool, we missed the yard, we had all those things and, you know, my stepson actually came to me, he was like, you know, I won't tell my sisters, he was like, but did you lose your job? Like, do you not have money?

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Are you writing anything?

• 13:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  You gotta turn material. Are you doing clips?

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, she's like, are you on the algorithm? She's like, he was like, you know, do you can-

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Who's doing your thumbnails?

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. He's like, you gotta get on with Mr. Beast!

• 14:01Speaker 01

  You're tanking here.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:02H. Foley?

  That's awesome. My mom hit me with that one.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  So then we find-

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Do you know Drusky?

• 14:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, what are you doing? So then we find-

• 14:08Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  So we keep looking for houses.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  Did you lose your job? I mean, well, he's acting like it's-

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  They're flip-flop- that's what happened when my do- when money was bad at my house, we were moving a lot in the middle of the night.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Yep, yep.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Apartment to apartment.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Dude, so then finally it gets to, Jazz sits down with me, she's like, look, we, we have to move again, we have to fix this. She was like, so, let's start looking, you know, we, we've moved the kids twice already, we're gonna have to move them, you know, we're not, we don't have to, she was like, but I think let's do, let's-

• 14:39Speaker 01

  This isn't super sustainable.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Right, she's like, you know, we're renting it-

• 14:42Speaker 01

  It's not long-term.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  And then the lady who, you know, whose home we were renting-

• 14:46Speaker 01

  The old lady?

• 14:47Speaker 02

  The old lady, you know, turned around and said, listen, I'm gonna put this thing up-

• 14:50Speaker 01

  She was there with you?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  No, no, no, she was, she was just-

• 14:51Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  I know. She's, she's gonna, she's gonna put it up, she says, I'm gonna put it up for sale, when my-

• 14:58Speaker 01

  That's pretty good, though, no?

• 14:59Speaker 02

  When my mother, when my mother passes away, she says, I'm gonna put it up for sale.

• 15:03H. Foley?

  Wait, the old lady has a mother?

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Old lady has a- yeah, this is crazy. The old lady's mother was like in her late 90s and the old lady we were getting from was like in her 70s.

• 15:09H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  Had him young back then, that's just the way it was.

• 15:12H. Foley?

  That's how they did it.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  And here's the thing, here's crazy things about just, I think, Latina women are very connected to, I think, another realm that, you know, they always know what you're texting, they always know what you're doing, they know your feelings-

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Called spyware, guys.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  So she-

• 15:24H. Foley?

  They know what you're texting.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  The old lady, the, the, the woman's, the old lady's mother, right, was dying, right? We're in that, we're in this house, renting this house for about a year. All of a sudden, middle of the night, Jazz wakes up, four o'clock in the morning. She's up, just sitting up. And then I, I, I turn over, I wake up, I'm like, "What's up? You alright?" And she's like, "I think, I think the mo- the mother's dead."

• 15:47Speaker 01

  That happens.

• 15:48H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Dude, that happens.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  And I said, "What do you..."

• 15:51H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  I said, "What do you, what do you mean?" She was like, I was like, "You get a call?" And she said, she said, "No, no, no, I can feel that she's dead." He goes, she was like, "I can't see her, but I can feel her, she's here. She's passed away and she wants us out of this house." I, she was like, "I'm telling you, Chris, I'm telling you, you gotta believe me, she's being serious. She's not that, she ain't the type, Jazz, to do that. She's a, she's a real deal, you know, girl, she's not about that shit." So, I say, "Jazz, just relax."

• 16:19H. Foley?

  I would've left everyone there.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Including the children.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  You're on your own, every man for himself.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  I said, "Anytime Jazz is feeling like that, I said, "Jazz, maybe you're pregnant, this happens, don't worry about it." You know? And she goes...

• 16:29Speaker 01

  I'll take you to the store in the morning.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  I'll take you to the store, we'll...

• 16:32H. Foley?

  Got some bad mofongo.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we'll get it. So, about, that's just about, like I said, 4 a.m. About 11:30 a.m., let's call it high noon. High noon, she gets a call from our landlord, the old lady. She goes, "Hey, my mother died in the middle of the night last night. Um, you know, uh, obviously, she was like, you know, we have some things to talk about, I'm not ready yet, I'm on my way back." She was living down in Florida, on my way back up to New York, uh, to take care of this. And then Jazz says, she was like, "Oh my God," she's like, "I'm so sorry." She goes, "What time did it happen?" She said, "Like 4, 4:05 a.m. that the nursing home told us." Right, whatever, it was with...

• 17:08H. Foley?

  What time for her to get from the nursing home to the house?

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Hundred percent like that. Even with sitting in traffic on the Van Winkle and all that. She got there. So then Jazz says to me, she goes, "We gotta go. We have to leave this home." She was, not only because they're selling it, what, you know, I wasn't gonna buy, to buy a house like that in Queens and then have to renovate it the way we want, I didn't have, I don't got that kind of cash. Okay? I'm not, I don't got the RU garbage Patreon.

• 17:31H. Foley?

  What, what did she say, what did she say the lady told her?

• 17:34Speaker 01

  You know what's very trashy, this whole story? That woman finds out her mother dies and is like, "I'm on my way to New York to list this fucking house to get this, to get this, hey, let's call the tenant, pack your bags." Cause there's a for sale sign going up, you gotta catch your check. Let's keep it moving.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  This is what my mother would have wanted.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  This is a triplex that's about to move.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  So, so, and they got, I saw the deal, they got a nice price on that. I wasn't willing to pay that, whoever paid that, I was not willing to put that number up.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Really?

• 17:59H. Foley?

  Gang, let's talk about Aura Frames.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Aura, aura, aura, aura.

• 18:03H. Foley?

  You know them, you love them, we talk about them all the time.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  For years.

• 18:07H. Foley?

  Because we love them. If you want a smash, grand slam, homerun, slam dunk, touchdown, whatever they do in highlight, or cricket, which I can't figure that out, do yourself a favor, Mother's Day's coming up, get them all, Aura Frames, your wife, if you've got kids, your mom, your aunts, your grandmother.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  The neighbor.

• 18:30H. Foley?

  Everybody, and dude, when Father's Day comes around, hit them with the same thing. Just get a bunch of them and give them out. You'll be like Frank Lucas handing out turkeys, they're gonna love you, it's the best.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  It takes all the thinking out of it, it's dude, it's literally my, this is my, my wife's first Mother's Day, guess what she's getting? Aura Frame, already preloaded with pictures.

• 18:50H. Foley?

  That's what I got her.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  With pictures of me and a baby, oh, look at this, look at this, flashed a full frontal by me, back to pictures of us as a family. You sneak them in there.

• 18:58H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Uh, it's got free unlimited storage, you add photos and videos as you want, you can preload photos, like I said, before it ships, personalize your gift, add a message there before it arrives, the gift box is included, you share your photos and videos effortlessly, all you have to do is download the app, anybody can do it, and boom, send them straight to the frame. So if you get it for your mom who might live two, three hours away, you can keep them in touch, that way or not, you got, you got a bad set of in-laws, give it to them. Say, you don't need to come see the baby, you're seeing the baby every day, stay out of my hair.

• 19:27H. Foley?

  Tell them about the Carver Mat or no?

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Go for it.

• 19:30H. Foley?

  You didn't tell them about the Carver Mat?

• 19:32Speaker 01

  I'm not there yet, buddy, you're jumping the gun.

• 19:34H. Foley?

  Exclusive 25 hours off Carver Mat.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Yes, uh, I'll take over from here, cause you botched that. It's named number one by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts mom loves by giving AuraFrames.com for a limited time, listeners can get $25 off their best selling Carver Mat Frame with the code garbage at AuraFrames.com, A-U-R-A, Frames.com, promo code garbage. Support the channel by mentioning the boys at checkout, terms and conditions apply.

• 20:00H. Foley?

  Okay, but let's talk about Ultra.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Ultra, Ultra, Ultra.

• 20:03H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this out there. How many times have you woken up and immediately needed a nicotine pouch or a cup of coffee just to feel like a human? How many pouches, how many cups of coffee, and energy drinks did you need per day to stop yourself from crashing?

• 20:15Speaker 01

  And redlining.

• 20:15H. Foley?

  Or even feel like you were nicotine withdrawal?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:18H. Foley?

  Do these things cause anxiety, or do they make you feel underage?

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Brother.

• 20:21H. Foley?

  Do they catch your heart racing out of nowhere? Do you sleep even worse? Are you worried about vastroconstriction?

• 20:28Speaker 01

  Of course you are.

• 20:29H. Foley?

  Of course you are. Do yourself a favor, get Ultra.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, first off, the pouches are completely nicotine-free and caffeine-free, and you're probably thinking, if they don't have nicotine or caffeine, and what the heck is exactly in them? Great question out there, bozos.

• 20:42H. Foley?

  The heck is even that?

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Ultra partnered with the leading neuroscientist, designed these pouches. They're clinically-proven nootropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours. More specifically, they use Affinity PX, a cleaner, smoother energy boost than caffeine, L-theanine, an amino acid promoting calm energy and attentiveness, Alpha GPC, my favorite, obviously, a nootropic for enhanced mental processing. I got a mental processor here, I need to enhance it.

• 21:09H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Boom, boom, add the Alpha GPC. It's got vitamin B6, B12. It's truly clean, powered pouches that are designed to sharpen your mind and lift your energy all day without caffeine or to crash.

• 21:20H. Foley?

  That theanine I heard is good.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yes, baby. Uh, one of my favorite flavors, the watermelon. I love a watermelon and anything, but these pouches got a nice little watermelon tang to it.

• 21:30H. Foley?

  I'm a cool mint man myself.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Uh, they got wintergreen tropical, uh, and they got five different flavors. They're insanely good, you can choose from. And all right now, Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch. It's delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine, and customers can use the code GARBAGE to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for 15% off, code GARBAGE. After you purchase, I'm gonna ask you how you heard about them. Tell them, just, just, tell them you, the boy said-

• 21:55H. Foley?

  That boy said, "What are you doing?"

• 21:56Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  Love you.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  But, um, but, but, so, so we say we gotta move. So then we find, we're looking, we're looking, we're looking, and we find the home that we currently live in now. Find it about 45 minutes away. Went up north. We were gonna go to Long Island, instead we went up north to a little place called Westchester.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  Hello!

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  For a guy like you.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Not bad.

• 22:16H. Foley?

  You know who runs that town up there?

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Paul Verzi.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  And Yanni Papi.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  And Yanni Papi. So I live, I live, I don't live, you know, close to them, because Westchester's a big place, but I live in Westchester, baby. And, and so, and so, I, I live...

• 22:30Speaker 01

  He's in Yonkers.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  He's in Riverdale.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Hey, I said Westchester. Yes, Yonkers counts. Um, I live right by the Yonkers barge. Um, so, so, but now what I'm in, now I'm finally in, you know, the home.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Looks like a nice piece of property from the Instagram stories I've seen.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  It ain't bad. We got Josephine, our dog Josephine, the Siberian Husky. Who doesn't listen?

• 22:52Speaker 01

  It sits all the way in the back.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  From what I've seen, it only sits in the, at the property line and stares at them.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just does, yeah, we tried to do the electric fence, the shock collar doesn't work, so just, whatever, she just...

• 23:02H. Foley?

  It's a wolf.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  She is who she is. It's, it's actually amazing sometimes in the mornings to look out in the yard, because we'll let her out in the morning, and just kinda, you don't see her, and then all of a sudden, you just see something stalking through the bushes.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  My favorite thing.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  And it's a wolf. And it's my, it's our dog. If you ever, because my dog is 75% Husky, 25% German Shepherd. So the vet told us, what you got is actually perfect, because you got a Husky who, they're, they're typically not known as guard dogs, and really not family dogs, like, if it was purebred Husky, I mean, they're beautiful, but, it's a lot, but we, because we got this 25% German Shepherd, she does guard. And she is social with the family, but she guards. You walk on, you walk up my front steps.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  She doesn't even bark, she just stands on her hind legs and just looks at you. Just waits.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Smoking a cigarette.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Waits, waits for you to do something stupid. If you just drop the packages off there and you back away. But if you take one step in unauthorized and we don't give you a hug or say hello, she's ready to go. So.

• 24:00H. Foley?

  That's good. Locked and loaded.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  But now, we're in a position where, where I, I, I did this actually on purpose. I said, I can't do this to my family again. I can't do this to my kids again. So what is the only way? The only way, a little bit, I took a page from The Odyssey where, you know, where Homer.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Who the fuck is this guy?

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Where, with the sirens, you know, the story of the sirens?

• 24:22H. Foley?

  Of course. Strap yourself to the mast.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Strap yourself to the mast. So I strapped myself to them, I strapped myself to the mortgage and the taxes.

• 24:28H. Foley?

  95 year mortgage.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  I strapped myself, I said, we're doing this one. The taxes are ungodly. The mortgage is too much for us to handle, but the only way we won't move is I'm gonna figure out a way to keep it going here. I'm gonna pull my stress up to a thousand and, and we're just gonna make this place work. And my family came to me, this was just, what's, what's today? Uh, Wednesday, Thursday? This was Monday, Monday or Tuesday.

• 24:56H. Foley?

  The residency at New York Comedy Club's starting to make a lot of sense now.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  I saw that. I saw. Hey, I'm doing a six, a four, a two.

• 25:02H. Foley?

  Someone's warming up.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Get it popping, baby. So, so I, they came to me, my.

• 25:08H. Foley?

  Still 40 shows of bananas?

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. My daughters came to me and my stepson and said, we love it here. And my daughter, my 10 year old said, Dad, just promise me we're not gonna move. I said, honey, we got minimum 10 years here. I said, because even if I can't make the payments, I'm gonna have the government, the government's gonna have to come and physically remove us. I'm gonna pull one of those jobs where the US Marshals will have to come and get me off that land. I'm not, I'll, I'll go into bankruptcy, I'll go into foreclosure, I won't move. I, I will squat on myself before I sell that house.

• 25:38H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  So that brings us to renovations.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  That brings us to Bank of America knocking on the door.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  So I wanna shout out Pella, great window company. They allowed me to find it.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  That's expensive.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  They allowed me to do 0% APR over four years. With that being said, I would, I love this show. I'd love for you to support me at christiecomedy.com. Buy some tickets to my shows because make absolutely no mistake, my monthly, my monthly debt, which was already too high, just went up about two grand more a month.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  I mean, you're fucking.

• 26:06H. Foley?

  Why'd you have to get new window? What was the house? Was it a new house?

• 26:09Speaker 02

  The house is an 1899 Tudor. So the issue with the house is.

• 26:13H. Foley?

  What does that mean?

• 26:13Speaker 02

  1899, the house was built in 1899.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  That's insane.

• 26:17H. Foley?

  You've got fucking your wife picking up ghosts from a house in Ridgewood. Then you move into one, it, Jesus Christ.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, 1899.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  She's gotta turn the dial down.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  1899 Tudor, so.

• 26:27H. Foley?

  An 1899 house.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  The problem is, the, the, the, the, the window guy told me, when he came, I went, I'm doing the smart thing now, getting three, four quotes. Right? I got guys DMing me saying, I got a window guy, I'll fucking hook you up. But we chose Pella, and even the Pella guy told me, he goes, you know, every owner of this, previous owner of this house was kicking the window thing down the, kicking the can.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  What, what do you have in there now?

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Now it hit you. I have the original windows from 1899.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  The old wooden windows?

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Yes, with the, with the, you know, chain.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  That's what a ghost are getting, and these Pellas are gonna keep the spirits out.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Keep the spirits out, and then the insulation, the problem is, I got almost no insulation, so when I tell you my oil bills, when I tell you my oil.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  You got oil?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  My, I'm a.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  You gotta have a truck come up and dump oil in?

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 27:10H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  This is what I, this is how I'm living.

• 27:12H. Foley?

  What are you, Bob Cratchit, dude?

• 27:14Speaker 01

  What, you moved to Colonial Williams first? What the fuck?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  My oil bills are out of control because the, the heat.

• 27:21H. Foley?

  How's the mutton up there, good?

• 27:24Speaker 02

  The second, the second you turn off my heat, I'm done.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  The poppers are coming, the poppers are coming.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I got oil, I got, I got propane, I'm living off the fucking grid, boys.

• 27:34H. Foley?

  Can I take this, no, excuse me. It's a very cozy feeling in the winter when it's very cold, when the oil truck shows up, and you smell that oil, and he's loading it into the thing.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you work at a Sunoco, what are you talking about?

• 27:48Speaker 02

  We got fireplaces too, so we throw those bad boys on, I got the nice fireplace insert, so that'll heat up a couple of rooms, but I, I'm in over my head.

• 27:56H. Foley?

  What's the kitchen look like? You have to redo the whole place?

• 27:58Speaker 02

  We gotta redo the kitchen. So, so what happens is, we, we already, we already stretched to the max, and then the wife's in there for about three months, she goes, you know, some things gotta go in this house.

• 28:06H. Foley?

  List some dates or something, quick.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, start plugging.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  ChristieComedy.com, every Thursday, New York Comedy Club, get your tickets, shows are selling out, then we got Stanford Comedy Club, anything Emilio Sivone owns, Atlantic City Comedy Club, he gives me the best door deals, then we got more stuff coming, I'm texting my agent, Mike Berk, when he hasn't texted me back, he's got one more day to fucking respond on, I'm firing him, going to CAA. I need to make money. You, you, you, you talk to my family then and tell them you didn't. You tell them that why we have to move again. I need the dates, casinos, guaranteed money.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Uh, we'll be in Atlantic City too.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Then after Hard Rock.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Hard Rock, check that out.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Oh, I love the Hard Rock.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Check that out. July 9th.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  Nice guarantee up there.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  What were the windows total? Can you say? Can you give us a number?

• 28:50Speaker 01

  How many win- you don't have to. How many windows?

• 28:52Speaker 02

  53.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  What the fuck? What is it, a cruise ship?

• 28:58Speaker 02

  I got, I got.

• 28:59H. Foley?

  Nah, 53?

• 29:00Speaker 02

  I got 53.

• 29:01H. Foley?

  Didn't they build houses in 1899 with 53 windows?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  I got 53 windows, Cuzzy Wuzzy.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  0% APR over four years. We're gonna lay it out nice and long. We're gonna break it up into installments.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Do you have the intention? I financed, I've had to finance some stuff for the house, obviously.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Do you have any intention of like, well, when I come across a lump sum, am I, are you gonna chip, are you just always gonna make the lump? Or do you plan on clearing that debt off the table at any point?

• 29:30Speaker 02

  The plan is, right now, so again, I think everybody needs a frisbee in your life, what we call Jewish person with the yami. Everybody needs a frisbee in their life. My frisbee's a great guy, my financial guy, and he told me, if you, you know, what, what, what wealth.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  They can't be happy about this.

• 29:44H. Foley?

  53 windows?

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Well, I asked him. Here's, here's my new system, how I made all these mistakes, you know, a few years ago. Oh, I was just letting stuff fly. I don't do anything now. The frisbees, they tell me yes or no. And I tell them, if it's a no, it's a no, you gotta tell me. They greenlit the windows because they said 0% APR.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  It's good. They like free money.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  They said if you're getting free money all the.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Anybody likes free money, not just the frisbee.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  But they said, do not, he, he, his advice to me is if you come into some lump sums of money, a career kicks up.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Don't pay it because it's free money.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  Do not. It's free money. He said, we'll keep it in an account, invested, we'll keep you.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  You're making your 5, 6%.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Right, we'll make it. And he said, and then we'll, we'll just pay it off in installments. So he told me, we can do the kitchen, we can do the windows. We can do those things because we had a nice little chunk of change from Saudi Arabia last year. So.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Man, you're getting it from every country in the fucking Middle East.

• 30:35H. Foley?

  Fucking playing both ends against the middle over here.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  What, you selling rockets too?

• 30:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, we sell, so we had, so, so we had.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  Chrissy D. Drones.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  So we had to do that. So that, you know, uh, the ayatollah is paying for my windows and kitchen.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  You're insane.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  I'm insane, but you know what it is? We gotta do, it's Chrissy Chaos, which I also brought back.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  I saw that. I saw that. I said, I think something's up.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  We got Chrissy Chaos back, we got, you know, of course, History Hyenas coming at you every Thursday, having fun with me and Yanni P. And, uh, yeah, check me out on the road. Uh, who knows what I else might be doing? I might be getting back into physical therapy, kids.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  He's also available for birthday parties.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Available for birthday parties. I got an OnlyFans.

• 31:13H. Foley?

  So when does, when does the Pella Windows Tour kickoff?

• 31:15Speaker 02

  The Pella Windows Tour, well, the first date we got coming at you is June 26th, 27th, uh, down in there in, uh, Stanford, Connecticut. But then we're gonna be adding some stuff.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Um, we had a sitcom in development with ABC, but that, you know, that, that got shot. Uh, that, you know, done.

• 31:31H. Foley?

  Got the pilot money, though, right?

• 31:32Speaker 02

  No, we got the pilot money, not much, but another thing, you know, you gotta face the music here, kids.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  It's about...

• 31:43Speaker 01

  That's crazy. After all that, you gotta face the music here, kids.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  You gotta face the music here, kids. Life Now is about the internet, it's about doing shows with my brothers here, it's about what we can create. It's about, you know, there's nothing, nothing to get anymore. Nobody's gonna give you anything. The cavalry's not coming. So you gotta create your own stuff. If I couldn't get a shit, a, a sitcom on the air at ABC with Jimmy Kimmel, I, it's like having a show with fucking Mickey Mouse. And I, they wouldn't put it on ABC, Disney. So that the truth is, is the enter, the, the TV and film side of business, for whatever reason, they've always said no, but the lovely YouTube podcast audience and stand-up and the people have always said yes. So I thank you, I love you. So because of you, you know, I, I'm able to sustain myself here. But app, make absolutely no mistake, things were getting a little dark, uh, you know, um, this winter.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  And, um, uh, but we're fixing things up. Pella's gonna bring some more light in.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  That's, now, okay. Are you going with the Pella wood, or is it like a composite?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  We're going, we're going Pella, we, we...

• 32:41Speaker 01

  That's high-end.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  In my house, I was told that it has to be traditional wood-clad windows. Because the mistake you can make is in an 1899 home, you put in the wrong windows, you actually devalue the home.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  You're not wrong. You're not wrong.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  You gotta put in the right windows, so it's a big...

• 32:55Speaker 01

  The big wooden windows.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  I, and I was told by... Again, my frisbee, he told me, look, this hurts right now and it's gonna hurt and with God willing, your career, you know, kicks up a notch. We'll see what, you know, get you on Kill Tony, something like that. But, but he said, you know, God willing, you get to the next phase here. He said, but, but, but, you're choosing a little bit more of an expensive window, which I know is tough take, but he said, but for the resale value, we're thinking about, could we get out of this if we needed to? If you have better windows, you're gonna get, you're gonna get a buyer much quicker. He said, so think of it as insurance and, and helping with your insulation. If you, if you pick the cheap windows, the crystal window factory off the side of the fucking L I E in Queens, then you're gonna have a big problem.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, doing vinyl windows.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  So the promise to your daughter may or may not be lasting.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  No, I, no, no, no. I told her, I, no, it's, it's really more for just insurance, just to know in the back of my mind, if shit ever really, really, really hit the fan.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Rip those windows out and sell them.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Well, we could just sell this puppy and move on. I, I, I also told my kids, I'm, I said, we're gonna stay in that house, but I also would never do this again. I would never move my kids' school again. If any parents out there listening and you're on the, take it from me and you're thinking, ah, should I move my kid's school? If the kids tell you they like the school, don't move the school. I made a huge mistake by moving the school. It's, I only have one regret in my life and that is what I did to my kids moving their schools. I regret it. I'm trying to make up for it. I'm, I'm in there. The little one, I think will be okay because she's gonna go to the same schools. My middle daughter's okay, but my stepson, he moves schools too much, so I'm really.

• 34:21H. Foley?

  The little one's not a baby? She's in school?

• 34:22Speaker 02

  She's four, the little one. Yeah, she's in pre-K.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  Pre-K? She's not even gonna remember that.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  She's not gonna remember, but the, but the middle one and my older one did a little bit of a number on them. We've learned now. They're okay. They're, they're adjusting nice. We work really hard with them. But, uh, but yeah, don't move your kids' schools.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  Get Pella windows. They offer the, the, I think they're the best of the, you know, and renewal by Anderson.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Nah, Pella's, Pella's, Pella's, I, I was in the window biz for a while.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  We got, we got quotes from Pella, renewal by Anderson, Marvin.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Mar- oh, very nice.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Pella came in.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  When you go, I, I believe when you go, I mean, yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  What's the problem? Because Marvin was telling me, Marvin was trying to.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  They all, they all fucking, Marvin was probably trying to sell you the composite.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Dude, Marvin's trying to sell me the composite. They're coming out.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Composite's good. It paints and stains just like wood.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  They were telling me, they were telling me that, that, that, that, oh, the wood that Pella makes, it's bullshit from Canada. You know, you're worried about wood. The wood that I have for my house in 1899 was real American wood.

• 35:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Do you know who's, you know who's coming to sell you the windows? A guy like me who's going, what, they go.

• 35:24H. Foley?

  Probably on Zepbound.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Seriously, the kid looks good. He's, he's actually a fan. He's a fan of all the pods.

• 35:30H. Foley?

  Really?

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  I like how you looped the, fucking pulled this.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm just saying, he came.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  He loves all the pods.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Yours too, I'm sure.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. He came into my house and told me, he was like, oh, are you Chrissy D? He goes, I was like, yeah. He was like, um, he was like, I love podcasts. He was like, and he mentioned all the pods that were all of us.

• 35:47H. Foley?

  He probably did that as research to sell you.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. But do you think the wood clad window I don't need?

• 35:53Speaker 01

  No, it's good. No, I think it's a good choice. It is a good choice.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  Black on the inside, black on the outside?

• 35:57Speaker 01

  I mean, I have to see the house and that's a personal choice, but the window itself is, you're, you're, you got a very high end window.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  Don't ask him, he's a lemon.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  I got mold.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. But you can't look, according to my, according to my frisbee, you can't, if you go with a high end window, you're not, you're not, you're not gonna lose on that. It's better insulation.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Especially at 0% interest.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  And people will like it.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  You know?

• 36:18Speaker 01

  So if someone's in the market for that house, they're gonna go, they did this the right way. Unless you get a guy like you, doesn't know what the fuck he's looking at.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 36:25Speaker 01

  But a guy who's going in is like, I wanted a fucking 1888 fixer up or whatever.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  They already got, he did that windows as best as he could.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  As best he could, it's going high end quality.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Plus it stays on that oil too. I'm sure you got double, triple pane maybe, you got something there?

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Now, I'm, I'm really, I want, I want to shout out, I want to shout out the new oil company I got coming out next week, cause I was with Robinson, but now I want to shout out Plutnik Oil. They're gonna come in next week, you know what this guy tells me?

• 36:47H. Foley?

  You got a tank.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  He goes, I'm, I got two oil tankers down in the basement. He said, let me, let me take a look. He's coming Wednesday at high noon. He says, uh.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  What's up with this guy in high noon?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  I like high noon.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  It's 12:11, you know what? Let's make it high noon.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  He told me, you know what? Some of these machines down there, he goes, I've done, done a couple of, uh, uh, uh, jobs. Not the cheapest. He goes, but we might be able to convert that from oil to propane, heat the house on propane. This way, the oil prices right now are sky high because of the war in Iran.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  He said propane.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Which somehow you're profiting from, I'm sure.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  No, I'm losing out because the oils, I, I, I'm, I'm losing. I'm actually on Iran's side just to get the US out of here so my prices go down and I'll go back on the US's side.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  One of those oil tankers is Chrissy's.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:27H. Foley?

  It's his uncle trying to get it through.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  So, move your boat.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Move your boat. So they're gonna switch it up to propane, so we'll see because the oil bills right now are astronomical. The, the, the...

• 37:37H. Foley?

  Well, let me ask you this, what do you, how much oil do you need right now?

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Getting in the summer, you probably don't need that much. I'm sure this conflict's gonna blow, if this conflict don't blow by September, we all got bigger fucking problems.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  And your fucking oil money.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 37:51Speaker 02

  So, yeah, but the winter, this was...

• 37:53Speaker 01

  Banana's gonna cost 20 bucks.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Coldest winter, you know, in the last 30 years, so I got drilled with that oil, but...

• 38:00Speaker 01

  No pun intended.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  I got drilled, but we got, then we gotta re-insulate the house, we gotta do, we gotta, you know, after the windows, then we have no insulation in the walls because I...

• 38:08H. Foley?

  Did you know this by in this house?

• 38:09Speaker 02

  You know, we...

• 38:10Speaker 01

  No, nah, I'll answer for him, he did not.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  The answer is no.

• 38:13H. Foley?

  How many bedrooms is it?

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 38:16Speaker 01

  53.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Five, five.

• 38:18H. Foley?

  It's probably beautiful.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  It's a beautiful house, it's a choice of picks.

• 38:21H. Foley?

  1899.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  1899 toots.

• 38:23H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Very, that's, I'm very happy for you.

• 38:26H. Foley?

  That's 120 some years.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, big time.

• 38:29H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Yep, so that's what we do, so...

• 38:32Speaker 01

  How are the neighbors? Have you inter, have you interacted? Any faux pas yet?

• 38:36H. Foley?

  Probably all dead, 1899.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Neighbor, neighbors are, neighbors are great people, interesting guy, my neighbor, very diesel-jacked guy in his 50s, one of these like really muscular guys, uh, walks and takes the garbage down to the front of his house with no shoes or socks on 12 months a year.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Okay, I like that.

• 38:52H. Foley?

  I respect that.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  I like that, I respect, he's got feet, and I, I, almost to the point where I said this guy's a real man, but then his wife told my wife that he has diabetes, so he has no feeling of his feet.

• 39:01H. Foley?

  Is Jazz picking up any vibes in the house now?

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Jazz told me, I asked her that, uh, we, we moved in August 1st, I said, if, if you feel anything by August 15th...

• 39:11H. Foley?

  I would've made her do that at the, when you walk through it.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  She told me it's clear. She told me it's clear.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Did you sage it or anything? Burn any of that beach wood or anything?

• 39:19Speaker 02

  She probably did that, I, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't do it, but I'm, knowing her, she probably did it, but she told me it's clear, and she did tell me when we first moved into that, to the old lady's house in Queens, that she felt a presence there, but we, I overrode it, I, we're, we're staying. But she told me there's nothing in this house.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  I told my, the, the house my sister lives in now had a guy, the guy who, the guy died there, the previous owner died there and he was yelling.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  In the house?

• 39:41Speaker 01

  In the, in the house. And he was yelling at the kids. Apparently there's a thing only, I've talked about this, only the kids can, kids are more sensitive to it or something.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  So she had a, she had a party and the kids were upstairs playing and then the one kid came downstairs and they're like, why don't you go upstairs and play with the other kids or whatever? And he goes.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  I can't have that.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  He goes, the, that old man yelled at me and told me not to be in his room.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  And then she was like, what the fuck? And then it happened with another, maybe my niece or nephew or something. So they, they like, they had a, you know, Miss Cleo come in and fucking cleanse it or whatever.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  My god, I would have Miss Pat come in.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  There's a, I saw you guys with Miss Pat. I saw you guys with Miss Pat. She's the best. One of the funniest people ever. I love her.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  It's insane how funny she is, but she, she came on my podcast, this is like two years ago and I was, I was, uh, messing Jasmine's father's dead and his, the urn was right behind me. So I was like, oh, you want to meet Jasmine's dad? And then I brought out the urn.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Sure she loved that.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  And then, yeah, but you know, she's like, you know, and she was like, and she said, there's a clip of it, she was like, she was like, Jasmine, come get your man. He down here playing with your daddy. And my little daughter, she says that every single day at breakfast. She's like, he down here playing with your daddy. To the point where the teachers were like, you know, what, what is with the black scent from your child? I said it's, it's Miss Pat.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Uh, okay. I mean, Jesus.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  We got a pool out there? A pool. Oh yeah, we got a pool.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  You do?

• 40:58Speaker 02

  In ground? In ground. We needed a pool. Diving board? Uh, no diving board, but we'd like to put in a slide.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  Like to put in a slide? How deep?

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Big yard. We got a big boy. You ready for this?

• 41:08Speaker 01

  The yard, I seen the yard.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  No, but no, no, no. I'm saying the pool. This, again, they made, I think this pool's from like the seventies. You know what, you know what the deep end is? Fifteen feet.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  This is pre, this is pre permits and shit. Pre regulations.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  They went down fifteen feet.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  And then we go to three on the other side.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  It's gonna be a lot of oil to heat that thing.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Oh yeah. And I'm heating that puppy on propane. So that, if I want to heat the pool, when I got Jasmine's family coming over, I want to heat that puppy, 48 hours to heat it. 15 feet, folks.

• 41:36H. Foley?

  Kevin, let's talk about Chime.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 41:39H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 41:42H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 41:44H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."

• 41:58Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is, then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding, fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 42:53H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Now, do the Puerto Ricans, do they like a hot pool or do they like a cold pool?

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Hot.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  They like it hot.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  My mother-in-law will not get, she will not get in, she will not get in unless it's heated to, you know, but the problem is, as a matter of fact, this is one, you know, what my neighbor told me, he was like, you know, what would help, honestly, is if you just filled in that 15-foot side, you would be able to heat this thing a lot quicker.

• 43:59H. Foley?

  20 minutes. I don't know, 15, that's rare, that's awesome.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  That's also, you get down there, it's colder down there.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  See, because I was, I was looking around a lot, after we moved in, I had that buyer's remorse, that regret, you know, that's why I always sell, but, and I was looking around, you know, it got to the point where I'm watching commercials, I'm like, look at how nice that person's house is, it's brand new, they got everything, their house, I probably paid more for my house than they did for theirs, because, but now that I've been in it for a little while, you make these, if you're really gonna stay for the, you know, 10, 15 years, you make the little improvements what you can, I'm like, everybody who comes to my house is like, they don't make wood like that anymore, my door, my, dude, my door, my door is fucking 15 feet in the air, my door, it's the biggest door you've ever seen in your life, because that's, because they, they didn't make it, they didn't have 2x4, they didn't have, you know, a 2x4 back then, wasn't 2x4, it was,

• 44:49Speaker 02

  they would eyeball it, so it said, all the wood that you're getting, it's not like a machine cut wood, it's none of that shit.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  Hand-laved.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Hand-laved, so, so, so now I'm starting to appreciate it, I'm starting to appreciate, like, we bought this house thinking, oh, it's 1899, you know, it has these columns, right, when you walk in, so.

• 45:05H. Foley?

  You could strip all that, if you gotta sell it.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  What, the columns are beautiful, and you're like, oh my god, it's like, got this colonial regal vibe, 1899, we're sitting down, drinking wine, having, you know, look at the columns, blah blah blah, then we take our daughter to the preschool, she was like, um, she was like, oh yeah, you guys live, I know the house you guys live in, I said, yeah, she goes, I went to a party there once, I said, yeah, she was like, oh, those beautiful columns, I was like, yeah, you know, they're original to the house, blah blah blah, she goes, no, they're not, I said, what, she goes, an Indian family in 1978 put those in, she goes, those are Indian columns, that, that's an Indian, and then you look at them now, and I'm like, oh yeah, this is an Indian person owned this house for 15 years, and their little kid went to the nursery school, she was like, yeah, it's, it's the Raj family put those in.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  The Patel's.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  The Patel's, I was like, oh, well, I thought they were original from 1899, she was like, you're not, I was like, rip 'em out!

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Get these Indian poles out of my house.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Goddamn patriot.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  Man, Chrissy's on his heels. I love her.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  I'm on here, always on the heels.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  You need to be, though. You're not a comfort kinda guy. You try to be. Your whole struggles, I wanna be comfortable, but you're not. You need the plate spinning, you need the back pedal, you need your peptides.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Jesus save.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  You need a gun. But you saw the pic of me before and after. I'm starting, I'm on the right track.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  You look fantastic.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  Right? I'm on the right track.

• 46:19H. Foley?

  You've never not looked fantastic.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  So at least, no, but there's time, but you, but when I showed you the before.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  You're talking to us. You're talking to us.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  Good looking kid.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  I got, I'm trying to get the health back. We're trying to get the numbers down. The old cholesterol, eight weeks ago was 303 total C, so we gotta get that number down, but we've leaned into Red A True Tide, um, we've leaned in to peptides and Jesus trying to help get those numbers down and lower the saturated fat as best we can.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 46:43H. Foley?

  Would you be a guy at Mass that collects? Would you be one of those guys? Would you get involved like that?

• 46:46Speaker 02

  An usher?

• 46:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. Hundred percent. I, I, I haven't, I haven't volunteered my time yet at the, um, at the church, but I haven't volunteered.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Too busy doing the New York shows.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Dude, I gotta do those New York shows every Thursday, every Thursday through May, starting April 30th.

• 47:00H. Foley?

  You're up there doing material?

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Yep. And so, and so then I got a, but, but I have been volunteering my time at Soup Kitchen in my, why? Very nice, dude. I, I, I never did this. I never, I never, you know, when I was little, my mom would take me to do that stuff. She's very involved in church.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  She was very religious, right?

• 47:20Speaker 02

  Very religious. She would, you know, take me to do all that stuff in the church and all that, but then I just, you know, sometimes you gotta, it's just gotta, you know.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  You gotta hit you again.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  You gotta internally, everything, every life choice you make, every decision you make, every change you make, it's gotta be internal. You could see it on Instagram, somebody could tell you, it's gotta come from within. So from within, I said, you know what, you know what, you know what, and, and, and every choice, I think, starts a little selfishly, and then you realize that, you know, you, you're outgoing. I said, I gotta feel better. What would make me honestly feel better? Forget about helping me. I gotta help other people. How do I help other people? Who would say, oh, you do that with your comedy. Yeah, but how do I really help other people?

• 47:56Speaker 01

  You're a real fucking, you're a real hero.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 47:59H. Foley?

  You do that with your comedy.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  Comedy, yeah.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  I know I'm out here saving lives. Laughter is the best medicine.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  But people say, no, somebody said that to me. Like it's bullshit, but whatever, but still, you know, if you want to be healed every Thursday.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  New material.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  New material. And so, and so I-

• 48:14Speaker 01

  How long you doing on them shows?

• 48:15Speaker 02

  I said, "I'm gonna do about, uh, it depends."

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Thirty. You do thirty?

• 48:18Speaker 02

  No, I'll do, I'll do forty-five. It depends.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Forty-five?

• 48:21Speaker 02

  It depends how I feel. I'm doing six and eight thirties. I'm doing six and eight thirties. Well, let's, it's new material. You know what I mean?

• 48:27Speaker 01

  I got fifteen in it. Thanks.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  My belief, my belief is, my belief is, you know, crowd work counts as new material, uh, material that you did.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  Bitch, you haven't heard it?

• 48:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, material that you did from your 2018 special, "Count's New Material." You can, you know, you got an eight-year window. But I, I went down to the soup kitchen and that really helped, helping other people, you know, feeding them, doing that helps me feel better about me. And then you start to realize, we all kinda got the same shit going on. You know, we all, nobody's really that different.

• 48:54H. Foley?

  Is there a soup kitchen up there or down here?

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Up there.

• 48:57H. Foley?

  Who's up there?

• 48:58Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 48:59H. Foley?

  Who's the poor people up there? Where's the homeless up there?

• 49:01Speaker 02

  They come up from the Bronx. Yeah, they come from the Bronx or Yonkers.

• 49:05H. Foley?

  Has a soup-

• 49:05Speaker 02

  The other part of Yonkers. Not the part that I live in.

• 49:09H. Foley?

  You do live in Yonkers?

• 49:10Speaker 02

  No. The soup, the soup is-

• 49:13Speaker 01

  He's by the track.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  The soup is good. The soup is good. The food, but it's more than soup.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  The soup is good. Shut up.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  They call it soup kitchen, but they give them all types of shit. Hoagies, you know, I call them sandwiches.

• 49:22H. Foley?

  But do they make anything there?

• 49:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, they make, they make, they make-

• 49:25Speaker 01

  What aren't you getting about this shelter?

• 49:27H. Foley?

  I don't wanna know.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  You go get a bowl of soup? I wanna know if it's worth the trip.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  It's good. You get the, everybody gets their electrolytes in. I told these guys if they want-

• 49:36Speaker 01

  He's over there, "Pulse your peptides."

• 49:37Speaker 02

  I, I told-

• 49:38Speaker 01

  "Hey, Cracker Jack, you know what you need?"

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. I told some of these guys, I said, "Listen, if you guys didn't already have a problem with needles, I would start injecting you guys with some Peppies."

• 49:46Speaker 01

  He's like, "They're all strung out. How do you get that V? Is that natural or is that peptide?"

• 49:50H. Foley?

  Step over to the Winstrol station.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. You can get Winstrol at that, uh, at that, uh, doctor's office I was telling you about.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  That's what I need.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:59H. Foley?

  Let me all roide it out. That'd be great.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  You'd be a great strong man lifter. You could probably put up some serious weight. Right?

• 50:07H. Foley?

  No.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  You never could?

• 50:09H. Foley?

  No, not really.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Interesting. I thought you could put up a nice deadlift.

• 50:14H. Foley?

  I could do a good bench press.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Yeah? What'd you get? What'd you throw around? Do you remember?

• 50:18H. Foley?

  I wanna say 225. Does that make sense?

• 50:20Speaker 02

  Man, it's two plates on each side. That's real deal shit.

• 50:22H. Foley?

  Yeah. In college, maybe like a couple of times.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:25H. Foley?

  I'm just basing that on when they would test you every year.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  So you don't throw weights around at all? No resistance training?

• 50:29H. Foley?

  What?

• 50:30Speaker 02

  No, you gotta throw it around a little bit. You throw it around a little bit?

• 50:32H. Foley?

  I throw the McArch around.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. I heard that's really good.

• 50:35H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  One of my neighbors left the McArch on my-

• 50:38Speaker 01

  One of the guys at their soup kitchen told me.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  No, dude, my neighbor left the McArch on my front door and he left it late, like 10:30 PM, but I was already passed out and I didn't know about it. He just, you know, he thought it was good. He was like, oh, like a, not a goof, but he went there and he was like, I'll drop, I'll drop on off for you. And he texted me-

• 50:52H. Foley?

  Is this the guy up here?

• 50:53Speaker 02

  One of the guys up here. And then he texted me-

• 50:55H. Foley?

  The guy with the no shoes?

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Uh, no, not that guy.

• 50:57H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, one of his got diabetes.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  No, yeah. No, that, my other neighbor, he texted me and he says, it's outside in your front, it's outside the front door. This is 10:30 PM. I wake up to that, at 6 o'clock in the morning, I go out there, deer had eaten through that McArch. And then there was diarrhea all over my front lawn.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  I fully apologize.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. We saw it, we-

• 51:16Speaker 01

  It's him on a ring cam?

• 51:17H. Foley?

  House is beautiful, by the way.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:19H. Foley?

  You keep that, you keep the deer diarrhea?

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Well, we don't, I saw it on the ring cam. The diarrhea, the deer had come and eaten it and, you know, eaten it all up at like 2 o'clock in the morning. And then 6 o'clock in the morning was one of those like, uh, like kinda cold mornings. It was frozen diarrhea all over the lawn. I know it wasn't me.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  This time. What, uh, okay. What, who's doing the trash cans? You doing the trash cans, Jazz?

• 51:41Speaker 02

  I'm doing the trash cans. We got Mondays, we got regular garbage. We got, uh, Wednesdays is cardboard, Fridays is recycling and garbage. We call that mixed.

• 51:48H. Foley?

  We have the big ones, we have the big ones with the wheels and, and the flip?

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Got the big one with the wheels. I got those down at Home Depot. And now what we're gonna do-

• 51:55H. Foley?

  They don't give me it?

• 51:55Speaker 01

  They gave you the recyclable, probably.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  We gave me the recyclable, but we had to go get our own new trash cans because the previous owner had ones with no lid. We got ones with the lid, with the strap, because we got raccoons up there.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  And, um, and now what we do is actually, Jazz, just this morning, she was like, oh, we should, we need to get some kind of- Like receptacle, you know, contain, because the garbage cans are just out on the side of the house where they all.

• 52:17H. Foley?

  I got you.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  So I said, I said, why don't we, uh, why don't we try to build one together? Why don't we just chat GPT it? And she goes, you want to chat GPT making a box out of wood? I said, we could chat GPT it. She goes, why don't we just pay someone to do it?

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can buy, I think you can buy them.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  I said, yeah, I said, let's buy it.

• 52:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, they're nice.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  But I have, I'll tell you what, I have been, um, I have been doing some more handy things around the house, hung up a picture the other day.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  That's pretty good. You just put in the anchors or you just put a screw in?

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Put, put in an anchor.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  What are these walls?

• 52:47Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 52:47H. Foley?

  Are you, what are your walls? Are they?

• 52:48Speaker 01

  Plaster?

• 52:49H. Foley?

  Plaster?

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Drywall.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  How would I know?

• 52:52Speaker 01

  You tell me. Are they?

• 52:54H. Foley?

  You're the handy man.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 52:56Speaker 02

  I think they're pla, I think, uh.

• 52:57H. Foley?

  Did you have to put an anchor in?

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I had to put an anchor in.

• 52:59H. Foley?

  When, when, when you tap the nail in, is it all like?

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Is it hard?

• 53:02H. Foley?

  Concrete?

• 53:03Speaker 02

  I drilled one in.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Could you punch through the wall, you think?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  No, I don't think I could.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Probably plaster walls though.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  I've been told, because we wanted to do, we wanted to do.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Eighteen eighty? They didn't have to fucking, Tyvex wasn't around then.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  Two contractors, two contractors, we had an idea for, I'm all about quotes. I'm Chrissy Quotes lately. I'm all about coming in and getting these guys getting quotes. I'm quotes, quotes, quotes.

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Quotes are free, right?

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Quotes are free. I love quotes.

• 53:24H. Foley?

  Are you there?

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Big quotes, I'm there with the quotes.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  They should make, do them, a lot of times they make jazz, are both decision makers. They don't like coming, wait, you're wasting your time. They don't like giving out free information.

• 53:33H. Foley?

  You hit them with a coffee?

• 53:34Speaker 02

  I hit them with a coffee, with a water, whatever they want. I'll even give some guys some peptides. It's up to them.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  Is, is there? Is there any like, uh, you know, a little coffee cake or something like that? You offer anything like that?

• 53:44Speaker 02

  Jazz is big on bunt cakes. There's a place up there by us, uh, is it called Everything Bunts? It's a big bunt cake place. I think they, they big numbers on Shark Tank. But we go, we're big on bunts.

• 53:55H. Foley?

  Love jazz.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Love big, yeah, big on bunts. She, so, so we'll go, we get quotes. We wanted to, there was one idea we had where we said, maybe we can open up a wall here. Make the kitchen more, because kitchen's a little closed off. And the, both contractors said, obviously we can do whatever we want. But he was like, I, I would just suggest, you're never going to get a wall like this again. Do not touch these walls.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  He was like, these walls, he said, first of all, it's a big job to get through a wall like this. So must be plaster. Must be real deal shit. And I got nice fucking crown moldings up there.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Got crown moldings?

• 54:27Speaker 02

  I got crown molding. The house is built in 1899, Kiffy. How many times I gotta say it?

• 54:31Speaker 01

  My bad, bud. You have the, do you have the-

• 54:33H. Foley?

  Lincoln was barely cold, come on.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Do you have the chair, I think that's called the chair, do you have like a piece of wood around the middle?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  So that's, that's old school.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got framing.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  I got wainscoting.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, like that, wainscoting, yeah.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  You do, wainscoting, yeah.

• 54:45H. Foley?

  What are the floors?

• 54:46Speaker 02

  The floors, we got, uh, they kinda look like this, but they're original to the house. Got some nails popping up here and there.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  They're real small planks, they're not big. I got them too.

• 54:55H. Foley?

  Is it the square nails, the ones with the square heads, those are scary.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 54:58H. Foley?

  But they got Jesus with them.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Yep, they got them. They're not gonna get me, though. I'll show you off air, I'll show you, show you some videos, I'll show you some pics. You guys will come up, right?

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  We got the pool.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Wait, wait on the invite.

• 55:08Speaker 02

  We got the pool, we got everything.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  I'll bring the baby.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Bring the baby.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  You'll learn how to swim in there.

• 55:12H. Foley?

  You could put a di- a serious diving board, fifteen feet.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  You can probably get, you can probably get a high, a high dive.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. Yeah, well, I'm thinking, I'm thinking about it.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  I already got one, I got, I got quotes coming tomorrow.

• 55:21Speaker 02

  We have a little, um, platform right now, it's like a little elevated, cause there's a little, um, like a, like a little kinda jacuzzi, it doesn't work, but there's a jacuzzi there. But the platform is elevated about six feet off, so the last summer the kids were running and doing backflips off that, yeah.

• 55:34H. Foley?

  Wow, that's awesome. Six feet?

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Six feet.

• 55:36H. Foley?

  That's serious.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Day one, one of Jasmine's uncles, the great TT Jerry, got a Newport cigarette clogged in the water filter.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Respect.

• 55:43H. Foley?

  Smoking in the pool?

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  With jean shorts on.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  That's our water.

• 55:47H. Foley?

  Why doesn't, why doesn't the hot tub work?

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't know. We got something that, something on the list to fix. I think, I think he actually told me the propane, there's, there's two lines going, the propane will heat the pool, but then there's also propane for the, uh-

• 55:59H. Foley?

  Hot tub?

• 56:00Speaker 02

  For the hot tub and that propane line is jacked up.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  There's, there's something about, I've never, I don't know if it's just the circles I run in aren't classy, and there's not a lot of cash, but every time I'm in a hot tub, or, they never work, and the water always gets sucked, like, it's never like-

• 56:16H. Foley?

  A hot tub?

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:17H. Foley?

  The, the one we had in, uh, LA was fantastic.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm saying that, I'm saying, that's a rental. I'm saying the ones that, like, if I go to my, and any one I've ever had growing up, not that I've had them, but have been in growing up, or family members or anything, it's always been like, nah, it don't work, or there's always something shoddy about it.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  Hot tub. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a little, uh, it's a little messed up. But, you know, my, uh, my neighbor told me, ready for this, the previous guy lived there for 20 years. I'm I'm talking about my house is here, neighbor's house is right there, and there's only two houses in this little piece of property, and then then there's a golf course, so there's no houses around. So you're really close to your neighbor.

• 56:53H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Right?

• 56:54H. Foley?

  It's the guy with the Mc with the.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  With with no bare barefoot.

• 56:57H. Foley?

  Not the guy with the McRib.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  No, McRib lives on the other side. 22 years ish, never got invited to the pool once. I said, opening day of my pool.

• 57:06H. Foley?

  Cannonball.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  May 19th, my daughter's birthday, you're the first invite. Opening day, I'm inviting the guy.

• 57:11H. Foley?

  That's crazy not to do.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Right? How, what a scumbag thing to do. You're not gonna invite your neighbor to your pool?

• 57:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  You gotta have the neighbors.

• 57:19H. Foley?

  Did the guy have kids?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  Is this the Indian guy that put the?

• 57:22Speaker 02

  No, it's another guy. Frisbee owned it before me. He had kids, everything. Some guy came up to me at one of the fairs that we had in my town. He goes, hey, you know, I know the house you live in. It's a little weird.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 57:33Speaker 02

  They know that's a small town, they know that. Small town, they know the comedian lives in that house. I'm gonna, is the comedian, yep.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Really?

• 57:38Speaker 02

  He goes, he goes, he goes, that sunroom you got? I said, yeah. He goes, I banged the, I banged a girl on that couch. The girl, oh, he goes, there's a Chinese girl that used to live there. I said, no, it's Jewish people.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  What is this, the UN of the house?

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Well, I said, I said, no, I said, it's a Jewish guy. He goes, no, ask. She, there was, they, he had Chinese girls they adopted. I banged one in the sunroom. I said, okay. So I asked my neighbor, he's over there, you know, no shoes or socks on, lighting fires, putting the garbage out. Mid Feb. Mid Feb. I said, can I ask you a question? I said, the guy.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Was it Chinesey?

• 58:09Speaker 02

  I said, were there Asian people that lived here? He goes, yeah, the the owner, he adopted a couple of Asian girls. And then he has, he's walking in, goes, one of them was pretty cute. I said, yeah, I think she got banged in the sunroom. He goes, that tracks. And then shut his garage door.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  So it's a small town.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Any beefs in the small, not beefs, but any, any, any ruffle and all that?

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  There is, cause you're, you're a, you're a big personality. You, you move in your own.

• 58:34H. Foley?

  They know he lives there.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  You ready for this? I mind my own business. Here's two.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Until he don't.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Until, so first of all, first week cops come up, local, you know, village police come up, come to my house.

• 58:44H. Foley?

  Why?

• 58:45Speaker 02

  They not, well, they knock on the door.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  Welcome.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  Well, first of all, first thing I did.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Thank you for the service.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  I moved in there August 1st, August 3rd, okay? I went down to the, uh, farmer's market that's in my town. Got a beautiful peach pie, dropped it off at the precinct. I wanted to let them know, here's my name, here's where I live. I'm a big supporter of the, of the, of the police. Peach pie on me. Big. So they come.

• 59:09H. Foley?

  Peach?

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Peach pie. Yeah, I know. Jazz, Jazz said, it was summer peach. Jazz said that was the one. It's freshly made.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  That's the one.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  So, so they come to me, they say, thank you so much for the, for the pie, nice gesture, whatever. And they said, we just want to let you know, some people already in this town know that you live here. The real estate agent squealed and told.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  That's a fucking confidentiality.

• 59:28Speaker 02

  That's what I said, but whatever. This guy fucking lives in Mexico now. So what am I gonna do? So, so.

• 59:33H. Foley?

  The guy that sold you your house moved to Mexico?

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Moved to Mexico. What are you gonna do? People change.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Man, you run in a weird, weird circle, dude. It's crazy.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  But he told me, the police officer, the captain and, and a junior guy said, look, we, you know, we know some people know you live here. Just want to let you know, you ever see some patrol cars around here?

• 59:49Speaker 01

  We got you.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  We got you. It's, it's for us, we're gonna put a little bit extra, not that you need it in a town like this, nobody really.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Just a couple flybys.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Nobody really cares, but just know, if you see.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  No shit.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  It's not, it's, there's nothing going on. We just want to make sure you feel comfortable. Great.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Love that.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  So then.

• 1:00:03H. Foley?

  You're the kid rock with the Apaches coming right.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  Love it. So then.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  You would love that.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  So then, because, and not that I need it, not, not that we need, not that this is a big thing, but I had an altercation.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  You know me, I'm not, I'm not, I'm Chrissy the pacifist. I don't want problems. I want everyone to be happy. You know, I don't, I'm like, dude, live your life, have fun.

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  I, one of these big snow days, right? Big snow day. I got a, you know, pretty relatively large piece of property.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Who's handling that?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  So here's the thing, you can't get out there with a shovel and a pack, a bag of ice. You got it, you got it.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  Salt.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Salt, right, sorry, shovel and bag of salt. So you can't shovel in a bag of salt. So I tried to shovel it myself and, you know, even Jazz was like, I appreciate you, you know, doing what you can, honey, being a man, but this is, this will take you six hours, okay? You can't, we're gonna have to call in, we have to call in troops.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  I also love how like a guy can't work for six hours.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  Babe, this will take you almost a full day's work.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:00:57H. Foley?

  You know what, you're right.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  You're right, can't do it.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  We're moving.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Done.

• 1:01:02H. Foley?

  Get the windows, pack 'em up.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  So I call the, uh, my, uh, the landscaper, great guy.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  That's usually who handles it.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Right, and he said, yeah, I can, I can come by, no problem. Didn't even hit me that hard, 200 cash, it's not, I don't, because he's coming in with the fucking snowmobile.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  That ain't bad, that ain't, the snowmobile, man, you are a city kid.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  He's coming in with the plow, with the plow, you're right, yeah. So he's coming in.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  A Bond villain?

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, so he's coming in, and so I said, great, you're booked. Then, my daughter had made friends with a kid in the class, right? Another girl, right? You know, we're new to an area, of course, only a couple months into school. That girl's father, who had come to, uh, we had thrown a party at the house a, a month before, firstly, came to my house in flip flops to a Halloween party. Okay, fine, drank all the beer, what are you gonna do?

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  My kinda guy, I gotta be honest with you.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  So, so, you know, talking a little bit here and there, nothing crazy, you know, nice enough guy, really. But then, his, this guy calls me, he goes, listen, you know, do you need your driveway shumbled? Um, I, I just got laid off, I could really use the work. I said, done, you know, friendly neighbor, tell my landscaper, he's cool with it. My landscaper had seven other jobs, he's like, all good, no problem. Called this guy. This is 8:30 in the morning. Landscaper was supposed, was gonna come at 1:00 PM, you know, we need to bang this out. 8:30 in the morning, okay, hire the other guy, boom, boom, boom, Scott all taken care of, I'll, you know, be right there. 1:30, comes around 2 o'clock, guy still doesn't show up, I text him, "Hey man, what's going on?" He goes, "Oh, I'm a couple of towns away, I had a couple of houses before you, I'll be there in an hour." Okay.

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  This guy called you?

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Right, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, now it's 4 o'clock, sun's going down. I said, "Hey buddy, we're gonna get some ice," even I know that things could freeze, okay?

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  We're gonna be bad shape.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  We're gonna be bad shape.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  You're gonna have to bust out the Zamboni on us.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  I mean dude, even my neighbor put his shoes on, that's how bad it is.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Whoever jammed up.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  So, so I said, I said, "What's going on?" He goes, "Oh," uh, he goes, "Sorry, I got one more, then I'm on to you." Oh. I said, "Wow," so now my blood's boiling, right?

• 1:03:02H. Foley?

  What's he charging?

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  I, cause I told the other guy to do it 200, he goes, "I'll do it 150." So I said, "All right," I was gonna give him 200 anyway, you know, just obviously you do the right thing.

• 1:03:11H. Foley?

  Got it there, yeah.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  And so...

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  You're a stand-up guy, give you that.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Do the right thing. And then, so, now it's 5:30, 6 o'clock, I text him, no response. 9 o'clock at night, he goes, "Yeah, sorry, didn't get to you, well, I'll try you tomorrow." So now I'm furious, right? So now I do go out, now my McArch neighbor, I texted him about it, going nuts, he goes, "That guy's a fucking asshole."

• 1:03:35H. Foley?

  How does he know him?

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  Because it's a small town, they all know each other. So he goes, "I'll come over." Comes over with his stepson, who's from Ukraine, right? He's got a stepson from Ukraine, this guy, it's about 3 degrees below zero.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  The whole block.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  This guy's out there in a sweatshirt, no gloves, just fucking shoveling, moving ice with his hands, doesn't feel anything, just does it, like a psychopath. It was a summer day for him, in Ukraine. We shovel this whole driveway till about 1:30 in the morning on a school night. I gotta get up and take the kids to school, cause Jaz is not gonna drive in the snow, I don't have the snow tires. So...

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  That's another, that's another eight large.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, yeah, so, so then the next day...

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  You're fucking. ABC, you passed on this?

• 1:04:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God. The whole time I'm thinking, is that of your fucking mind?

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Kimmel, come on.

• 1:04:25H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  So the next day, so the next day, I text this guy and I let him have it. I'm like, you know, dude, like I hired you, I can't, like, I do this myself, like, what the?

• 1:04:35H. Foley?

  Is this a text?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  This is a text.

• 1:04:37H. Foley?

  Long text.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  And he goes, and he goes, yeah, sorry, he goes, oh, it goes, yeah, I guess, I guess you can't shovel your own driveway, Mr. Hot Shot.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  Don't like that.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Don't love that.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Don't love that.

• 1:04:47H. Foley?

  What's this guy looking for a problem?

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  So then I call him, then I call him.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  Hey, flip flops, zip it.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  Zip it. So then I call him, I go, right away, on the phone, you know, you gotta hear, because then it's out of text. He picks up on the first ring, I'll give him that, he wasn't a pussy, picks up.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Meet you on Front Street.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  I said, dude, I don't know where that came from. I said, any prob, I said, I've been nothing but nice to you, invited you into my home, you drank all my beer in flip flops. I said, I said, I've been nothing but nice to you.

• 1:05:13H. Foley?

  I don't know what that means.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  I said, this hot shot comment is a preconceived notion on what you think of my career might be. I said, I've never given you any indication or treated you with anything other than respect. And I've never put myself in a position where I think I'm better than you because of the type of career I have. I said, all that stuff is in with you and it's really not my problem, it's yours. I said, and I think if we're gonna be neighbors and our kids are gonna be friends, you need to do some, some looking within. Because you got insecurity, that ain't about me, buddy, it's about you. And then he was like, he just like waited a moment, he was like, it just, it just pisses me off that you have a nice house. It just pissed me off that you got the nice house. And I'm sitting over here in an apartment with three kids in a two bedroom. And I said, buddy, I swear to God, I said, I swear.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Good for him, though.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Dude, I swear to Christ, this, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even making up the words. I said, because, you know, because in that moment, you want to be compassionate, but you also want to be crystal clear about boundaries.

• 1:06:11H. Foley?

  That was very good, Chris.

• 1:06:12Speaker 02

  I said, I respect you for saying that and noticing that. I said, I think you're doing, I said, I think your wife and kids really look up to you and probably love you and they don't think about these things the way you think about these things. I said, but again. As a man, that ain't my problem. That's your problem. I said, we all gotta pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  I'll be at New York Comedy Club at Stanford, July 23rd to 24th.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  That was an exact quote I said. Wanted by a pillow window and, and.

• 1:06:38H. Foley?

  What'd he say?

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  And now he said, he just said, I forgot what he said, but we are, you know, not best friends.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Smoothed over.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Smoothed over. I think, I think sometimes tough love, respect.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  All that. And then, and.

• 1:06:50H. Foley?

  You're better friends.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  But, but I told him, I told him, listen, I'm gonna be honest with you though. The way that I work though, the way that I have to work is you did that, which, you know, kinda crossed me. I'm not gonna, I'm never gonna say yes for you to shovel my driveway.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're at an arm's length now.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  I will never say yes. So you just gotta understand that. And he said, totally okay. And then there was another snowstorm about three weeks later. And he was like, can I shovel the driveway? I said, no. You stick to your word. I wanted to help him out. He was like, I, in the money. I said, guy, you know, you, if I really needed money for my family, I'm showing up at your house 20 minutes early. I'm not gonna just, I said, you disrespected me. I can't, I just can't allow it. I just can't allow it. But we're friends, our daughters are friends, things are good.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Amicable.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  But that's the only thing that I had so far, cause you asked me if any problems beef with the neighbors. That was the only thing in the town.

• 1:07:36H. Foley?

  That's an episode.

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  Where the guy was a little bit like, you know, hey, man, I'm not, you know me, I don't carry myself like I think who I am. That ain't me. I try to minimize myself.

• 1:07:45H. Foley?

  I heard a lot of your therapy coming through in that.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Big time dude. At the end of the day, most people are making red, other people are making blue. You wanna have a good relationship? Make purple.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ said that.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  It's what it is.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Corinthians.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  Make purple, baby.

• 1:08:00H. Foley?

  The Advent colors.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  The Advent colors, that is. Shout out, you know, Lent.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  Easter.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  What's the next big one we got coming up now? Now we're, now we're going into ordinary, we're in ordinary time right now, as the Catholics call it. We're in ordinary time.

• 1:08:12H. Foley?

  Chilling.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  We're chilling, ordinary time. We, you know, we got nothing really big brewing until, you know, where Easter's done. We got nothing.

• 1:08:19H. Foley?

  Christmas.

• 1:08:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, but no, we got a few before Christmas. We got All Saints Day. We got a few bangers.

• 1:08:25H. Foley?

  That's European.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  All Hallows' Eve.

• 1:08:27H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:29H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  Devil, devil shit to me.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  That's what it is. What time is it? I got physical therapy.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta roll. We gotta, we gotta get you out of here, bud.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  What time is it? What do we got?

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  It's 2:40.

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  Shit, I, yeah, I got, I got PT about three blocks away. Indian guy. I told you, he's fucking guy's good. He lost 40 pounds on Red A True Time, kept all the muscle.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to your doctor and I gotta get. Tight, I gotta get figured out.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  The G, everything, it's all about, you guys are on dual agonists, it's all about supposedly the triple agonists. The GLP, you want the GLP-1, you want the glucagon, and you want the insulin sensitivity.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Glucagon, sounds like you're making it up.

• 1:09:02H. Foley?

  I've had glucagon.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  What'd they, where'd they shoot it?

• 1:09:05H. Foley?

  I like it grilled.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, not bad.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  Alright, we gotta go.

• 1:09:09H. Foley?

  He just keeps getting better and better.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  He's my favorite guy in the world.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Every Thursday, you know where to find me.

• 1:09:15H. Foley?

  Chris D'Amico, ladies and gentlemen. Chrissy Day, back! He's fucking back! Alright. Kippee, what do you got for them?

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, we're over the road, tickets on sale now, we're gonna be at the Netflix Festival.

• 1:09:28H. Foley?

  See us in LA, goddammit!

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Belesco Theater, get those tickets. Everybody's having trouble moving tickets at the goddamn festival, get the tickets. Uh, Atlantic City, Portland, Maine, uh, we're all over the place, get them fucking tickets, gang.

• 1:09:38H. Foley?

  Chrissy, we love you so much.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys, appreciate it.

• 1:09:40H. Foley?

  Love it, boys. Guys, we love you too, we'll see you next week.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Peace!