500 Episodes of Greatness

“Greatness lies not in trying to be somebody but in trying to help somebody.” If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video and more at http://lewishowes.com/500 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  Episode number 500 of the School of Greatness Podcast.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Greatness lies not in trying to be somebody, but in trying to be of service to somebody. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We are at episode 500 and I am just blown away. I was actually having a conversation earlier today with a friend, asking me how the podcast has grown so much over the years. And I was like, yeah, this is actually the 500th episode. And I couldn't even believe it as I was saying it to him. 500 episodes. Some of you have been here from the very beginning. Some of you just tuned in a couple of weeks ago and you've been listening and backtracking to all the back episodes and are getting caught up.

• 1:15Lewis Howes?

  And it's just blown my mind. We've got 500, 500, the number 500 just blows me away of all the amazing things that have happened. You know, I couldn't have done this without you. And I couldn't have done this without going out of my own comfort zone, you know? I didn't know anything about interviewing or about doing a show or a podcast when I first started. I just grabbed my iPhone, pressed the record button with a friend of mine and said, hey, let me ask you a few questions and throw this thing up there on the internet and see what happens. And away we went together. And I couldn't have done this alone. And I couldn't have done this without really having you all to do something that was bigger than myself, to give and away that was bigger than myself.

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  And I thought it would be cool to recap some of the top highlights of the past four and a half years in this episode. It's a huge thank you to making. This possible now you're going to hear powerful excerpts from Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Eric Thomas, the hip hop preacher, Vanessa Van Edwards, Dean Graziosi on Millionaire Secrets, Danielle LaPorte, Jon Assaraf, JJ Virgin, Mogadad, and billionaire Sarah Blakely. You're going to hear some powerful stuff. So this is going to be an action packed episode. And if you haven't listened to all these episodes, then you're going to get a great recap in this one. And if you have, then you're going to get a great reminder of some powerful things you could apply in your business, life,

• 2:45Lewis Howes?

  relationships right now. It's going to be powerful. And if you want to get the show notes for this one and the full episode of the video highlight reel of this as well, go to lewishouse.com/500. Again, lewishouse.com/500. Now I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week. And this is again, we try to do this every once in a while where we give a shout out to people who really listen and who are super fans and leave reviews over on iTunes. So this is from Stone ST Legends who said, "I wanted to share a quick thank you to Lewis and his team. The School of Greatness has become a necessity in my life these past few months. And after reading the School of Greatness book in less than two days,

• 3:28Lewis Howes?

  I started devouring the podcast episode by episode. These past few months have been some of the most difficult for me and finding positivity has been extremely difficult. Thank you, Lewis, for constantly being a beacon of light during my dark times. I'm trying my best to stay focused and to do something great. Thank you." So Stone ST Legends, uh, thank you for being the fan of the week. And if you guys want to be considered as a fan of the week, go leave a review over on iTunes and we check those every single day and they all mean a ton to us. All right, guys, I am pumped for this. Some of the top highlights of the top 500 episodes on the School of Greatness Podcast. Let's dive in.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  I'm living in a Florence Square for bachelor apartment. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm watching Luke and Laura on General Hospital. I mean, I was a mess. I was a total mess. And I realized I've not paid my rent. And I'm out of money. And I don't have any prospects for some new cash in the short term. How am I even gonna eat? So I decided to go to this all you could eat salad bar that they had around the corner. This place called El Torito. Still there Marina Del Rey. And I lived in Venice, so it was about a three mile walk. I didn't take the car because I couldn't pay for parking, you know, for the gas. And I walked there and I went in and I had this meal right basically loaded up for the winter. I had, you know, plates of food, just tacos and salads and everything else.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  And while I was sitting there, there was this little boy that came in. He opened the door and he was wearing this little vest, this little suit. And he, I don't know, probably nine years old, something like that, you know, eight, nine, 10. And, and he held the door open and in walks behind him is beautiful woman who was clearly his mother. And so, you know, I definitely took it in. And then he sat down, he pulled out the chair for her and he was just so attentive to his mother. I mean, he was just so with her that honestly, I was moved. And so I finished my meal and then I got up and I paid the bill. And I was like $6 in those days, you know, for all you could eat salad bar, whatever it was. And so I had whatever was left, 17, 18, $19. And I walked over to this little boy before I left. And I said, hi, and I introduced myself. I said, I'm Tony. And he told me his name was Paul or whatever it was. I don't remember his name.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  This little boy, I said, Paul. I said, you are a class act. I said, I saw you held the door open for your woman. I saw you pulled out the chair for her. I said, taking her out to lunch like that, that is really cool. And he goes, well, she's my mom. And I said, that's even more cool. And I said, taking her lunch. He goes, well, I didn't take her to lunch. He goes, you know, I think he said he was eight or nine. So I'm nine years old. I don't have a job yet. And I said, yes, you are taking her to lunch. And I reached in my pocket and I took all the money I'd left, whatever it was, 17, 18, $19. And I dropped it in front of him. I had no plan to do this. It wasn't like manufactured. I wasn't trying to impress this woman. And he looked up at me like shocked and he goes, I can't take that. And I said, sure you can. He said, how come? I said, because I'm bigger than you are, right? And he laughed like crazy and I didn't even say another word.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  I just walked out the door, didn't even look at his mom.

• 6:28Lewis Howes?

  You didn't get her number, huh?

• 6:29Speaker 01

  No, I didn't get her number. And I gotta tell you, it was the most powerful experience of my life because. I didn't walk home, I kind of flew home. And I should have been like, what is the matter with you? You have no money for food. You give the last little pennies you have left. But I had no fear. I had no scarcity. And I got home. And I realized what I'd done. It was like, I have no money now. I have like no money, nothing, right? I was trying to conserve by going there, you know? And I don't, I don't know that. I just, I've worked on a plan. I figured I'll make some, I'll figure this out. And the next day I got the old snail mail. And came in around like noon. And I pull out this letter. And there's a, a young man that I had loaned $1,200 to.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  And he had not paid me back. And I was desperate for cash. I probably called him 10 times trying to track him down. Not a single response. And I was so hurt and pissed. And here's the letter from this guy saying, I'm really sorry. I know you've been trying to reach me. I've been avoiding you. And here's the money you owe. And I'm going to give you some interest as well. So I got, at that point, that was like more money than anything. And so, once again, I'm sitting there, tears blowing down my face. I'm an emotional character. And, and I just thought to myself, you know, why did this happen? And I chose to believe, I don't know if it's true, but I chose to believe that it's because I let go of trying to just take care of myself. I did what was right. I didn't plan it. I did it spontaneously. I saw it, it felt right to me.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  I did it. And I felt no scarcity. And I can tell you, I've had plenty of tough times, you know? 18 companies and 12 I manage actively. I got 1,200 employees on multiple continents. We do 5 billion a year in sales across different industries now. I mean, it's a different world for me now. But since that, and I've been near bankruptcy multiple times in companies and things like that. I didn't, I pulled it off always, never went bankrupt. But I faced really tough times. I never went back to that level of scarcity, not since that day. So it's a long way of saying, when you have nothing is when you need to give. You know, if you're going to wait till you think you have something, you're never going to have something of any size or scope. There's something inside the human psyche that when you do what's right and you get outside of yourself, there's something that'll click for you.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  And what I want everybody to get out of this conversation between us is that you cannot control how you feel. You cannot control what triggers you and the fact that you may rise up with anger, you may rise up with self doubt, you may have anxiety, fill your body, but you can always control what you think and how you behave. And we spend way too much time trying to focus on manipulating how we feel about things and not enough time practicing the skills of controlling your behavior and your thoughts.

• 9:19Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, because if you can control your behavior and your thoughts, then the way you feel will be different.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. And a lot of us are sitting around waiting to feel ready, waiting to feel courageous, waiting to feel confident, waiting for the right time, and that's not ever coming, ever, ever. You're not going to change your life up here. You only change it through action. And, and so to me, you know, I did this, this, you know, interview with you with your friend Tom, and we talked about how motivation is garbage and this somebody memed it and went crazy. And so the point that I was trying to make is this, is that, yeah, motivation is great if you feel like, if you feel motivated, but it's garbage and it's, it's, it's, it's a losing bet to wait to feel ready. Because it's,

• 10:06Speaker 02

  your body's not designed that way and neither is your brain. And so I want everybody to understand that first of all, you can't control the things that trigger you and the fact that you're going to feel afraid and you're going to feel doubt and you're going to feel uncertain, but you can always interrupt that feeling and take control in the moment and actually shift what you're thinking and shift how you behave. We make decisions of feelings. Ninety-five percent of our decisions are made by how you feel in the moment, and that is the problem. You need to take control of the moment and leverage the power of your decisions and make them up here. Because when I was lying in bed, I wasn't saying to myself, "I should get up because that's gonna help me start my day right."

• 10:49Speaker 02

  I was saying, "Do I feel like getting up?"

• 10:53Speaker 03

  No, you don't.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  No. Do you feel like making that cold call? No, you don't. Do you feel like doing that third set of reps? No, you don't. Do you feel like having that hard conversation? No, you don't. Do you feel like ending this relationship, whether it's in business or in your life, that is sucking you dry? No, you don't. We make decisions based on our feelings, and that is robbing you of joy and opportunity. And it is blinding you from the fact that all... how you change your life is one five-second decision at a time. One push at a time. And if you, if you accept the fact that you may never feel ready, and you may never feel motivated, and you may never feel confident, you may never feel courageous, and that's

• 11:37Speaker 02

  okay, but you can still push yourself forward. What happens over time is, as you start to see yourself becoming the person that takes action, that you start to see yourself becoming the kind of person that speaks even though your voice is shaking, you're the kind of person that, that, that has a bias toward moving instead of a bias toward thinking, guess what happens? You build the skill of confidence and courage.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  What's your definition of masculinity? First off. First off, man, it's responsibility. You know, I think a man is about responsibility. And I think a man, a true man, knows he's the head but plays, you know, the tail. You know, he, I don't have to walk around my house and say, "Yo, I'm the man." You know, I show my wife I'm the man by ironing her clothes before I leave for the day. You know, I show I'm the man by calling my son and saying, "Is there any way I can help you? You know, I know you're a senior in college, but is there anything I can do for you?" You know, I show my manhood by, you know, saying, "See, and Carl, man, I love you guys." You know what I'm saying? And on the podcast, "I love you guys," or on the calls, "I wouldn't be here without you."

• 12:44Speaker 03

  So, I think it's this fine... Balance of yep, I'm powerful and I have this strength. But I don't use it for my advantage. I use it for us. I use it so we can grow. Like I don't use my platform to tear you down. You know, or say things about you that, you know, would put you in a bad place. I I use my influence. I use my money. I use my strength. I use my influence. I use my impact to build us up. And not tear us down. So for me, manhood, like the real man says, like, I'm not gonna make no excuses. I'm not gonna point the finger and say, Louis, you didn't do this. You didn't do that. I'm gonna take full ownership, full responsibility of helping us and even you. You know, it's funny, I I was looking to get a loan for, I wanted some property for our church.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  And the bank was like, I'm sorry, but like, we don't do loans, you know, for churches. And I'm like, okay, well, you know our history. He's like, it has nothing to do with you. In the last 10 years, churches have, with the economy, the way churches have proven that they haven't. And so I'm like, I'm like, Louis, I'm like, wow, it has nothing to do with me. Right. But because of the churches and what they, so I'm not just doing this for speaking for ET. I'm doing this so when Louis does it and people see ET and see the integrity. They don't look at motivational speaking as, man, that's that's whack or inspiration as, that's that's that's baloney. Cause you'll go online and there are reports or different videos that say, man, motivation, who does that? Like, that's fake. They trying to take your money. So when when I do was right by this industry.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  It makes it easier for you. And when you do right by this industry, it makes it easier for me and people are not saying they're scams. So for me. Yeah. Manhood is responsibility and it's that fine balance of when I was a child. I spoke like I act like I understood that. But when I became a man, like I put childish stuff away and I'm not competing with you. I'm I'm I'm here to enhance you.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  What I learned was, is that it's actually not the big things that make you happy. It's the little things, including...

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  That cup of coffee you're gonna get later as a treat.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, like the smell of the coffee, like the amazing juice at Creation, whatever, right? Like, yeah, so saving those things. And also, those moments where you have optimized your natural personality instead of changing it.

• 14:56Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  That is where happiness comes from. When you can say, "I'm a big idea person. I love creativity, I love strategizing, I love big ideas and big pictures. Getting bogged down in the details is necessary, but I don't like it. So therefore, I'm going to find a way to either outsource it or minimize it so I can focus on those things." That feeling of capability, that feeling of control, is incredibly happiness-making. Control is a very happy-making emotion. It's, you know, we think about happiness as like pleasure and joy and ecstasy. But actually, you know, the words for happiness are control, capability...

• 15:34Lewis Howes?

  Like feeling like you're in control, right?

• 15:36Speaker 04

  So what happens is, is typically, humans have a negativity bias. We are trained to see the negative things in the world, the bad things. This is a survival mechanism, right? As cavemen, we had to go, "Hmm, it might rain, I better get ahead. I should really forage for the winter."

• 15:52Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  You know, like, we are trained to see all the problems and potential things that could go wrong so we could prepare ourselves. So our bias, our training, is negative, negative, negative. We open our email and go, "What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?" Right? We walk into a room and we're like, "Who don't I know? Why don't I belong?" I'm not saying everyone has this, but there's certain extremes. I think that we can retrain our brain, just like the Tetris effect, to see in happiness patterns. So instead of walking into a room and being like, "Ah, I don't belong. I don't know anyone." Thinking about, "Why do I belong? Who can I know?" That's a very different kind of framework to see the world.

• 16:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  And so I think that that's about control, right? That that's bringing control into a negative mindset and flipping it.

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  So that it's not necessarily positive, you just know where your frame is coming from.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  But I can remember thinking in high school, whatever years that was, is that, you know, I hope someday I can get a job and make a thousand bucks a week and just get by. I'm not that smart because I had trouble reading. I still can't read great, but I've just had dyslexia is what I think it's been diagnosed now, but I still can't comprehend good when I read, but I didn't realize I was an audible and visual learner. I could listen to a book and I'll memorize the whole book. I can watch somebody on stage and emulate that if it fits my life, but sometimes we're judged by a scorecard that doesn't, it's an outdated scorecard, right? Yeah. So not only did we not have money, I also felt, well, I'm not smart enough to go to school. And something changed around seventeen, eighteen years old. Just something flipped and I just, I noticed, and this is going to sound like it's a pitch for the book

• 17:27Speaker 05

  and it's not, but I noticed the people in my town, this little tiny town I grew up in upstate New York, the people that had money, the people that seemed happier, I don't know behind the scenes, but they seemed happier, more fulfilled, they were more relaxed, like life just happened, like they were walking up a ladder instead of like, my family seemed like they were running on a treadmill, you know, it's like, we're going fast, but we're not going anywhere. So why is this guy and this woman in this town doing so well? And I remember just obsessing on it. And, and what I noticed it was, I didn't, I didn't call it habits, I'd love to say I figured this out when I was in my twenties, but what I realized is they just did different things than my family and my friends were doing. And I just started obsessing on that and I was young enough and naive enough to just think I could do it. Wow. You know, I mean, sometimes you wish you could give that gift to somebody in

• 18:11Speaker 05

  their twenties, thirties, fifties, seventies, right? I had the gift of being naive and a little dumb and not listening to anybody. Yeah, but yeah, so I hit it big in real estate by the time I was twenty-six, twenty-seven years old, just by taking action, knocking on a million doors and finally got someone doing a no money down deal with me when I was twenty and then another one and I rolled that into the next deal, the next deal and Consistent action. Consistent action and, and consistent, you know, failing and getting back up, right? The, the space between failures is really a huge determining factor of your success, right? It's like, if you can fail fast, you can win quicker, right? Yeah. So I remember that conversation and I, I literally almost gave up on it. I remember going to cancel the whole thing and say, what am I thinking? I, I can't read that good. I'm going to write a book and all this stuff. And luckily, I just remember thinking, if

• 18:55Speaker 05

  I keep these patterns, I'm going to continue the same process my family has and I want more. And we filmed it and the show went on TV and, you know, aired in nineteen ninety-nine and I went seventeen years straight without missing a day on TV.

• 19:10Speaker 06

  Just for a moment, what if I even just considered letting go? We'll just ask everybody listening right now. What if, where do I look? What if you considered right now not wanting to change who you are and how you are? No striving to change.

• 19:29Speaker 06

  For me, that question is just a melter. It's almost like confusing too, because we're in this constant push to get better. And when I started to let that go, because that does not happen in a lightning bolt, because that is so deeply ingrained, because I'm actually living a really normal life.

• 19:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 06

  There was more spaciousness and I became much more friendly with myself.

• 20:00Lewis Howes?

  When you let go of striving?

• 20:02Speaker 06

  When I let go of the striving, but...

• 20:04Lewis Howes?

  Is that striving to achieve or striving to become a better human being?

• 20:08Speaker 06

  Both, both. I'm not broken. I'm not flawed. I'm not, um, I don't need to be fixed. I need to be celebrated. I need to be honored. I deserve to be loved and that has to start with me. And so all of those moments where I'm just like, you should have said something different. You should have worked longer. You should have worked harder. You should have been more loving. You should, this is a big one. This is a big one, especially for women. You should be over it by now. I mean, those are really harsh things that we would never say to our best friend.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  You sit with your friend again and again and again, and you listen to them go on about the chump when you're like, I think you need to dump the chump. But you listen. And so, you know, the medicine really happens when we feel like we're at our worst, when we are our biggest loser selves and you say, mm, you're trying your best. Of course you're in pain. Of course you're still hurt, of course. And then there's some space.

• 21:25Speaker 06

  Some solutions start coming in.

• 21:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 06

  You stand up a little straighter. You have just succeeded at being that loving person that you've been going to all those damn workshops about. Cause you loved yourself when you thought you were a loser.

• 21:38Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  Yeah. And it makes you so much more, that self compassion makes you so much more flexible and compassionate for what other people are going through. And you become less

• 21:55Speaker 06

  of a preacher. I mean, I became less of a motivational speaker, just like, listen, I, this is what I've been through.

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  Everybody's where they're at. You are pre-qualified just because you showed up.

• 22:11Speaker 07

  June nineteen eighty-two. Hmm. He had me write down my goals, health, wealth, relationships, career, business, fun, experiences, charity, except everything. Uh, one year, three years, five years, twenty-five years. He had me a whole weekend, write goals. I'm like, I was nineteen. I was like, God, this is a lot of work.

• 22:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 07

  And when I came back after the weekend, he said, okay, great. Are you serious about these? I said, yeah, I've spent the whole fucking week doing this. I'm serious about it. He says, great. Are you interested in achieving these goals or are you committed? I said, Alan, what's the difference? Because if you're interested, you come up with stories, excuses, reasons and circumstances why you can't or why you won't. If you're committed, those go out the window. You just do whatever it takes.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 07

  And I remember being petrified of the difference. I was petrified. I'm sitting there, there's a man, he was looking at me. I was sitting in a chair, he's looking at me, wonderful man. And he put his hand in front of me. Are you interested? Are you committed? And I was like, wow, like now I've got to tell him that. Forget if I tell myself and then I lie to myself and tomorrow I don't. But here's a gentleman that's trying to help me. Asked me if I'm interested or committed. And so I said, well, I'm, I'm committed. He says, great. Cause if you're committed, then I'll help you. Cause if you're not committed, I can't waste my time with you. And he helped me. That's amazing. My first year in real estate at nineteen, I made thirty one, thirty five thousand dollars. My second year by starting to retrain my brain.

• 23:36Speaker 07

  Every day he had me visualizing, had me cognitively priming my brain to see my goals. Every day I would take my goals out and I would run my fingers across them. Then I would close my eyes like he taught me and he says, now read it and then see yourself doing it or achieving it or being it. Then read it and see yourself doing it and then run your fingers across it and feel the electrical signal from those words coming into your body, into your brain and cementing themselves there. Every day I would do that for fifteen, twenty minutes for a year. Thirty five thousand first year, one hundred and fifty one thousand second year. Amazing. Twenty years old. And I said, nobody's can take that away from this. I know it works.

• 24:19Speaker 08

  So that's, I've said, okay, let's, let's say that mindset's a muscle you can develop it. So what is it exactly? Cause I have to measure everything, right?

• 24:26Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 08

  So I actually, yeah, can you measure it? And so then I broke it up to what were my attributes that I saw in me? And then I started going around, like when we interviewed you and we interviewed just a group of people I look and I go, okay, you're doing amazing things. And here was the common denominator. Every single person I know in my life who's doing amazing things has gone through some crap.

• 24:49Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 24:50Speaker 08

  Every single one of them, all of them. And as I went through, I went, what are the common attributes? Things like abundance minded, right? Courageous, resilient. So I just built all of those up and then I created a way to evaluate them. Cause that's my little left brain can totally deal with that. And then I took a group of people through it. I want to see, could I train this? And here's what's crazy is it's like, all right, you know, cause I never saw myself. I, I am sitting here doing this and, and selling this PD book. And I'm like, but I'm not a personal development person. I'm a nutritionist. And but, but in reality, aren't we all personal development teachers? All of us at any level, right? A mom is a personal development teacher.

• 25:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 08

  So, you know, so I'm taking this group. Through this, and this has never happened, by the way, when I've taken people through a diet program. You see people have amazing results and it does impact all the other areas of their life. But this is the first week of a coaching call and we're going through this first exercise to build resilience. And this gal gets on and she goes, I want to do that, but I can't. And I go, okay, why not? What's in your way? Right? And she goes, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel worthy. And I go, well, if you were worthy, if you did feel that way, what would you say about yourself? And she goes, well, people wouldn't believe it, but I am smart. And I go, okay,

• 26:18Speaker 08

  that sounds good. What else? You know, and she starts listing out all these things about herself. And I'm putting on our Facebook group page, you know, angel is smart, angel is kind. And then I put an angel is worthy. And all of a sudden, all these people on this call are on this page and they're putting it angels worthy, angels. And I'm watching this, my team, and I've got some big guys, you know, are crying. They're crying in the office. Right? And I'm going, wow. Because I had been leaning away from this. And I tell people, if something's scary, that's where you need to go. Like, if it's not scary, you're not playing big enough. And this has scared me to put doing this scared me terrified me. Nutrition all you can do all day. Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 08

  It's easy. And that's why honestly, why am I doing this? Because it terrifies me. And I know I have to. And I see the difference in people when they do this. You go through and up level your mindset, you can go take on your health. You know, you can, you can go change your business, you can get a better relationship. All those things are going to uplift. But you don't fix your mindset and you have a fixed mindset that believes that you can't do it, that life happens to you, that you're the victim. No amount of our great strategies are going to do the thing.

• 27:34Speaker 09

  So does Ali's death misexpectations? No, it's harsh. It is very, very, very painful, right? But it doesn't misexpectations. Now, this should take us into... So the equation holds true. Now, you need to understand the difference between... You know, which what really helped me is to understand the difference between the pain and suffering. There are two human conditions. There is a condition that is, you know, either physical or emotional pain. That's actually useful. That is, you know, and even if not useful, it's unavoidable. You cut your finger, okay? You will feel the pain. You will take your hand away and the pain will continue for a day or two because your brain is saying, "Don't hit anything with this.

• 28:19Speaker 09

  Don't put it under cold water or hot water or whatever. Just protect it, right?" And even though you hate that feeling, it's so useful to keep you alive, okay? Emotional pain is the same, right? Emotional pain is, you know, if we're talking now and I say something rude to you, I get the emotional pain of like, "Whoops, I, you know, I feel bad about this." And I say, "I'm sorry." It's good. It's not too bad, right? Suffering, on the other hand, is when we take that emotional pain, is when we take the emotional pain and just start to apply it over and over as if we are generating pain on demand through thoughts in our incessant part of our brain, right? So, Ali died.

• 29:03Speaker 09

  There is nothing I can do to bring him back, okay? But I could adopt the thought of, "You shouldn't have driven him to that hospital. You should have driven him to another hospital." "You shouldn't have driven him to that hospital." I can do, I can say that 14 million times. Will it bring Ali back? No. It won't bring Ali back. Will it make any difference to the world? It won't make any difference to the real world. The only difference it will make is it will torture me. Yeah. You'll suffer. You'll suffer. Now, here is the interesting thing. You know, we've been talking for some time now. And you've instructed your brain to focus on the words I tell you, right? Did your brain say, no, no, no, I'm just gonna think about lunch?

• 29:48Speaker 09

  No, right? Have you ever told your brain to raise your right arm and your your brain said, and I don't feel like it. The brain says, yes, sir, right arm it is, right arm it is. We, your brain will always do what you instructed to do. Other than that one instance of incessant thought where it will say, hey, you know what? I'm the boss, I know what I'm doing, I'm just gonna kill us for a while. Why? Right? And I know, you know, it sounds unfeeling almost. No, no, no, no, the pain is there. The pain is going to last. But I won't let the suffering happen. So, so when I, when I start to think about the loss of Ali, instead of, of saying, okay, you know, let me just torture me for another hour, you know, it's a good time to do that.

• 30:33Speaker 09

  Feel bad for myself. Feel bad for myself and feel like the victim. I say, no, you know what? I'm going to remember all the wonderful times we had together. I'm going to be super grateful for the fact that he came. I had twenty one and a half amazing years with that boy, right? I was blessed with one of the best people I have ever met. So I can think about that, right? And more importantly, I reset. I say, okay, you know what, life? It seems that we're restarting a, a new level here and Ali is not in it. And there is nothing I can do to put him in it. So can I at least reset that level and do the best I can with it? Would this level be better with ten million happy people? Would this level be better with ten million people sending Ali a happy wish and hoping that he's happy wherever he is now?

• 31:18Speaker 09

  Would this level be better if he's looking down at me and saying, hey, I'm proud of you, Papa? Hmm, and you're following your heart. And you're following your heart. It, it, it wouldn't bring him back, it wouldn't take away the pain, but it would make it a tiny bit better. And, and I think that's really, uh, I think the, the deliberate approach to finding.

• 31:40Speaker 10

  You know, the work-life balance thing is I am a work in progress. That's my, I don't have any wonderful advice to dispense.

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  You're not perfect.

• 31:48Speaker 10

  I wish that I did, but I don't. But I will say the one thing that I feel like has helped me the most is to be kind to myself. So I realized that as a mother, when I became a mom, I spent a lot of mental energy beating myself up, like feeling so guilty. And when I was working, I was beating myself up that I wasn't with the kids and mentally. And when I was with the kids, I was beating myself up with that. So I think a lot of mothers were our own worst enemy. And when I really stopped and said, I don't know how to juggle all this. Some days I feel like I'm doing it right. And some days I feel like I just want to cry. I, at least I made that change and it was a huge change for me. I just catch

• 32:29Speaker 10

  myself when I start doing that to myself and I just, I change it to kindness and forgiveness.

• 32:34Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to beating yourself up?

• 32:35Speaker 10

  Yeah, I'm just like, okay, it's all right.

• 32:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 10

  And, um, and then that, that helps me stay more present also.

• 32:43Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious, what is more challenging for you, running a billion dollar brand or being a mom and a wife?

• 32:53Speaker 10

  Being a mom, because it's a moving target. Like what worked yesterday doesn't work today. I'm like, wait, that worked on you yesterday.

• 33:01Lewis Howes?

  Just wait till teenagers, right?

• 33:02Speaker 10

  Yeah, it's the most humbling thing. I mean, I feel like I gave birth to, you know, four teachers, to me. I mean, your children are here to teach you. I'm a believer in that too. So I'm a student right now and it's fascinating.

• 33:17Lewis Howes?

  So being a mom, more challenging than running a business for you?

• 33:20Speaker 10

  Yes. Being a mom and, you know, running the business and the brand just required a lot of hustle, just a tremendous amount of hustle. I always say that, you know, anybody you think is really, really lucky, there's a lot of sweat.

• 33:38Speaker 10

  Behind that luck, you know, it just says, I'm also really grateful for being a woman born in the right country at the right time. I had nothing to do with that and I'm very grateful.

• 33:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 10

  And I wake up all the time thinking of that. You know, my mom, we're only 21 difference in age, 21 years. My mom, her choices were so much more limited and what was expected of her or what her opportunities were. So, I mean, if you think about how long we've been on the planet, some people think a couple thousand years, some people think a couple million. Anyway, it's a long time. And by just 20 years in the right country, I feel like I was born and had the opportunity for Spanx.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 10

  You know, to fulfill a potential or something inside of me as a woman that was in me. And so I'm grateful for that.

• 34:31Lewis Howes?

  There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this recap of some of the biggest highlights from the first 500 episodes on the School of Greatness. I am again, just so grateful and thankful for all of you. We could not do this without you. We are in the top 100 most downloaded podcasts in the world on iTunes. We are constantly bringing in new guests that have never been on podcasts before, breaking stories, sharing lessons, insights, routines, habits, rituals, to help you unlock the greatness within you in all the areas of your life. This is my mission, to be of biggest service to you if possible, to listen

• 35:11Lewis Howes?

  to your feedback, to incorporate it the best of my ability, to become a better interviewer and become better on audio for you in general. And we're trying to always update the production quality, the level of execution, the level of guests, to make it the best place for you to learn, to be entertained, to be inspired, and to take action in your life. It means the world to me that you guys listen. And if you enjoyed this one, make sure to share it with your friends, lewishouse.com/500. 500, baby. Let's do this. I love you guys. You were born. For so many powerful things in this world. We're all on this journey together. Even though you may not be exactly where you want to be in this moment.

• 35:56Lewis Howes?

  Continue taking one step at a time towards your vision. Towards mastering a skill. Towards becoming a better person. Towards developing better relationships. We're all in this together. I got your back. Find other people to surround you who will have your back as well. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.