953 Jay Shetty: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Everyday

“I am what I think you think I am.”QUESTIONSWhy is identity something you focus on? (2:15)How do we listen to that inner voice? (7:20)How do we manage comparison in life that requires competition? (10:34)Why do we live in fear and desire motivation if it only causes us pain? (15:51)How do we let go of the fear of fear? (23:05)How do we balance ego and self-confidence? (27:41)How does someone find purpose in chaos? (36:51)What’s been the most painful thing since leaving monkhood? (40:31)What’s been the biggest lesson for you in the last year? (50:32)What is your purpose and when did you discover it? (52:43)Why is it so hard to be in an intimate relationship? (1:08:04)How do we balance giving and receiving? (1:14:27)YOU WILL LEARNThe importance of starting at the root (3:47)How to unlearn what we think we know about ourselves (5:21)How to fill your life with a deep sense of love (16:53)How we fear the wrong things (10:02)Where the ego likes to live (28:31)The impact of serving others on self worth (30:41)The difference between the monkey mind and monk mind (35:28)Why celebrating the moment is an important part of the journey (49:12)How to have a conversation with yourself (57:12)When Jay’s mind has fooled him and how to overcome this (1:01:21)How to have tough conversations with other people (1:06:31)The five types of attraction (1:09:42)LINKS MENTIONEDPre-order Think Like a MonkOn Purpose podcast with JayIf you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/953 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 953 with the one and only Jay Shetty.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  There's an anonymous quote out there that says, "The goal of meditation isn't to control your thoughts. It's to stop letting them control you." Welcome to this special episode of the School of Greatness podcast. I'm so grateful you're here. And if you've ever felt like your thoughts control your mind and your body and take over your actions, and you felt like you were out of control in the way that you think about life, the way you think about your identity, about your purpose, about your friends, your family, your mission, your career, the way you think about everything, then this is going to be one of the most powerful episodes you'll ever listen to. I've known Jay Shetty for almost three years now, and it feels like I've known him for a lifetime because we connect every single month and talk about life.

• 1:18Lewis Howes?

  We talk about challenges, struggles, successes. We talk about the things that inspire us, the things that we are working through personally, professionally. And I feel like I've gotten to really know him at a personal intimate level. And I'm excited for him to share and reveal more on this episode. And if you don't know who Jay Shetty is, he's become one of the world's most popular influencers. In 2017, he was named Forbes Magazine 30 Under 30 for being a game changer in the world of media. 2018, he had the number one video on Facebook with over 360 million views.

• 1:58Lewis Howes?

  He's now got over 35 million followers on all social media platforms. He's produced over 400 viral videos which have gained more than 5 billion views and his podcast, On Purpose, is an amazing show, consistently ranked as one of the top health and wellness podcasts in the world. And he's got a new inspiring book out. I went through it. I read it. I'm telling you guys, this is going to change the game. New book is called Think Like a Monk, and it draws on his time as a monk in the Hindu tradition to show us how we can clear the roadblocks to our potential and our power. Drawing on ancient wisdom and his own rich experiences in the ashram, Think Like a Monk reveals how to overcome negative

• 2:40Lewis Howes?

  thoughts and habits to access the calm and purpose that lie within us all. That book is coming out later this fall. And in this episode, we talk about how to unlearn what others have taught us so we can get to our true identity. Identity is something that is just constantly struggling and a struggle for so many people. Facing identity, identity changes, how to associate with your own self, who you want to be. We break down the four motivations, fear, desire, duty, and love, and why we are all driven by them. We discuss Jay's time as a monk and how that has shifted his purpose and drive today. Jay talks about how to let go of the fear of fear and how that supports the monk mindset. The fear

• 3:24Lewis Howes?

  of fear, this is a game changer. We talk about the difference between self-confidence and ego and how to balance the two when having a driven life. The three skills everyone should learn to reach their fullest potential in life and so much more. I'm telling you every two to five minutes, you're going to be wanting to be taking notes and sharing this online because it's so mind blowing how he packages ideas that are complex and makes them simple for us to take action on in our life. Make sure to share this with a friend at any time when something resonates with you. LewisHowes.com/953. Just share that link out or copy and paste the link on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this and text a friend. Tell them you're thinking about it.

• 4:07Lewis Howes?

  them and that they might be inspired by this episode. Share this on your Instagram stories and tag me at Lewis Howes and Jay Shetty. And if you're looking for weekly inspirational messages to help you get through the challenging times in your life, make sure to send me a text 614-350-3960 and say podcast in the text. So I know where you came from and let's stay connected over text messages again. 614-350-3960. Shoot me the word podcast and text me to get on my weekly inspirational message list. All right, team, I'm so excited for this episode and let's dive in right now with the one and only Jay Shetty.

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Okay, welcome back. Good morning, School of Greatness Podcast. We've got the iconic, the legendary, my friend Jay Shetty in the house.

• 4:59Jay Shetty?

  It's good to see you, man. Thanks for having me. This is

• 5:01Lewis Howes?

  I'm super pumped you're here. This is fun. You've been on before. I think you were the first, first podcast you did was with me.

• 5:07Jay Shetty?

  Literally, yeah, it was two years ago, 2018, Jan.

• 5:12Lewis Howes?

  Was it 2018?

• 5:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's 2018.

• 5:14Lewis Howes?

  We met in October, Halloween 2017.

• 5:18Jay Shetty?

  When Mask of Masculinity came out, which was amazing.

• 5:20Lewis Howes?

  Man, so it's been almost two and a half years since we've known each other. Yeah, two and a half years, I guess.

• 5:24Jay Shetty?

  But I feel like I know you better than that, than the time that we spent.

• 5:27Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 5:28Jay Shetty?

  Because it's deeper.

• 5:29Lewis Howes?

  Well, we've, we've spent a lot of quality time together. We pretty much meet like every month for dinner.

• 5:33Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 5:33Lewis Howes?

  For, for like five hours, right?

• 5:35Jay Shetty?

  We have these bromance dinners.

• 5:36Lewis Howes?

  Amazing dinners where we talk about meditation, mindset, we talk about challenge, personal challenges.

• 5:42Jay Shetty?

  What we're learning from.

• 5:44Lewis Howes?

  What we're learning, what we're overcoming, mistakes, everything. And we just started playing basketball together, soccer, tennis, everything with Novak Djokovic. We, we've been on trips together.

• 5:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we just went to Puerto Rico together. We've been in Ohio together when we came in for the school. Yes, some greatness.

• 6:01Lewis Howes?

  We've done a lot of good things, been in New York together, LA.

• 6:03Jay Shetty?

  Utah, Utah.

• 6:04Lewis Howes?

  Utah? What was Utah?

• 6:06Jay Shetty?

  When it was me, you, Brendan and Mel as well.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  When was this?

• 6:10Jay Shetty?

  That was for the Powerful You.

• 6:12Lewis Howes?

  That's right.

• 6:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Utah, right? That was Utah.

• 6:15Lewis Howes?

  We've done a lot of good things together, man. You had a live event that you came out with a few months ago. That was incredible. Just so many good things we've done. So it's been amazing to watch your journey, your growth. And if you haven't checked out the last interview we've done, make sure you guys go watch that because there's a lot of good stuff about your story, your background and everything else. And you just came out with a book that's coming out soon called Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day. I'm almost finished, which I almost never finish books. So I'm excited about this because there's so many powerful strategies and tools to train your mind for peace and purpose. And one of the first ones that I love that you talk about is identity.

• 6:57Lewis Howes?

  I think a lot of us get tied into our own identity and it causes a lot of stress in our life because we're focused on how we look and how we want other people to perceive us. Now, why is identity something that you focused on in the beginning as something that was important to talk about in the beginning of the book for you?

• 7:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. First of all, I want to say I'm really grateful to be back, Lewis. Having a real friendship in this space and collaborating and loving what someone else is doing, I think first of all, like just the friendship we share is really important to me and meaningful to me. And I feel like, I feel like a lot of people feel like when their career is growing, it's harder. When you're older, when your career is growing, when things are moving forward, when we're busier than ever, it's harder to build deep relationships.

• 7:43Lewis Howes?

  It's really hard.

• 7:44Jay Shetty?

  And the fact that we've done that in the last two and a half years, I think is testament to who you are and the type of person you are.

• 7:49Lewis Howes?

  Of course, man. It's hard to be conscious. I love you too, man. It's hard to be conscious in creating those relationships when you have work, you have family, you have your relationship, you know, all these different things.

• 7:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So yeah, back to identity. So I start off the chapter with this beautiful thought from Charles Horton Cooley, and I love telling it because it's just, it's just the best. And I think it was written in like the 1900s. And he said, "Today, the challenge is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." It's crazy, man. And it's like, it blows my mind. Every time I say it, it gives me the chills, like I feel it. And the reason I start with identity is because I think that's the root of all our challenges. And the first step to thinking like a monk is starting at the root, not starting at the symptoms or the superficial or the surface level.

• 8:37Jay Shetty?

  But let's go to the root. If you're playing a role, if you're wearing a mask. If you're dressed in clothes that are not yours, then you end up living a life that's not yours. And in the book, I give this example of method acting. Yes, Daniel Day Lewis. Yeah, I'm a massive movie junkie and I love method actors. So people like Heath Ledger, of course, from the Dark Knight series. You've got Jared Leto. So Jared Leto, when he played the Joker in, this is not in the book, in Suicide Squad, he used to send dead rats in the mail to his co-stars. He did not. He did, because he was trying to get into the mindset of how someone that perverted would behave.

• 9:18Jay Shetty?

  And then Daniel Day Lewis, when he was filming for Gangs of New York, he's actually wearing these coats that are centuries old. So that he can get into character when he's off camera. Yeah, when he can feel it, right? He's not wearing watches. He's not carrying around his mobile phone. They're speaking in the accents and he talks about how he actually went crazy. Because guess what? When you fake being someone for so long, you think it's your reality. And that's what happens to all of us. We play a role at work, we play a role at home, we play a role with our family, play a role with our friends. And then we think that role is us. Right. And we lose ourselves. And to me, that is the core reason why we're chasing things that are not important to us. We're unhappy despite reaching accolades and we feel dissatisfied. So what should our identity be then?

• 10:04Jay Shetty?

  Our identity should start with unlearning everything that we think we know about ourselves. Okay, how do we unlearn? So the best method of unlearning is this. First, and I'm gonna get really strategic and tactical because I think that people need to know what to do rather than a concept. The first thing you do is write down everything you currently are chasing in your life. Make a long list. Your dreams. Your goals, your dreams. Accomplishments. Anything that you're currently chasing and pursuing. Okay. Write them down. You can write down three, you can write down five, you can write down ten, depending on how ambitious you are. Second line, ask yourself, what is the source of that? Where did you get that idea? Did you get that idea from a TV show you saw? Did you get that idea from your parents? Did you get that idea from your mom and your dad, your sister, your cousin?

• 10:46Jay Shetty?

  Did you get that idea because your friend just got proposed to on Instagram? Did you get that idea because your friend just got promoted? Did you get that idea because you just broke up?

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:57Jay Shetty?

  Or did you get that idea because you just feel it? When you do it, that you feel alive.

• 11:00Lewis Howes?

  So give me a specific example that you had when you were fifteen, eighteen, was like a goal or accomplishment that you were chasing and where it came from?

• 11:08Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. So my, my goal when I was young was to be an investment banker. And when I really asked myself, where did that come from? It came because in my community, small community in London, the most successful person financially was an investment banker. So I believed you had to be an investment banker to be successful.

• 11:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:25Jay Shetty?

  So when I asked myself that question, where does that come from? It comes from society's version of success, not mine. And then the third thing you ask yourself is, well then what is mine? What is coming from inside of me? And if you just do that three-step process, now what you're doing is you're filtering out the noise and you're starting to listen to your voice. The thing is, you've got a voice inside of you, but it's quiet. It's like, it's like Jay, like take note of me, like Louis, like you know? And it's just like trying to get through and the noise of everyone else's opinions is so loud. So that's why you filter it.

• 11:56Lewis Howes?

  How do we start to find out what we truly want then? Not based on what other people think is success? How do we, how do we listen to ourselves? And if you've been chasing something your whole life, how do you say, well, actually, that's not what I want? This is.

• 12:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, one of the biggest mistakes we make is that we confuse inexperience with being unqualified. So because we've not tried a lot of things, we just naturally believe that we can't be that good at them. So if I've never spoken on a stage, I just think, oh, I'm probably not good at that. Or if I've never played golf, I probably think, oh, I'm probably not good at that. And so we start writing off things without even trying them. So the best method I can share with someone is take the next month. Take the next four weekends in the month, that gives you eight days, and get really tactical. Every single day.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  That's why you're playing tennis a lot right now.

• 12:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, playing tennis. Take the eight days, go join a course, an online course, a workshop, go and shadow a friend, go to a seminar, a conference, go to reading a book, listen to a podcast. Go and expose yourself to eight different things in a month.

• 13:00Lewis Howes?

  Eight different things?

• 13:01Jay Shetty?

  Eight different things in a month. And guess what? In a month, you will have learned what you probably would have learned in eight years, because most of us test one new thing a year.

• 13:09Lewis Howes?

  Maybe.

• 13:10Jay Shetty?

  Maybe. If that, exactly, right? Like, some people don't even do that. But if you do eight different things in a month, and this is how you have to see it. If you went to eight different restaurants in a month, you ask yourself after you eat a meal, like, I had that burrito, or I had that taco, did I like it? Right? The first question you ask yourself is, did I?

• 13:25Lewis Howes?

  You gotta try it first.

• 13:26Jay Shetty?

  You gotta try it first. You gotta go to the restaurant.

• 13:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Jay Shetty?

  There's no point. So you gotta say, did I like it? The second question you ask yourself is, why did I, or why did I not like it? Like, why is so important? I think too many people just go, I like it or I don't like it. Why did I like? And the third question you have to ask yourself, really, really simple, is, do I want to do it again? And if you do, that's where you start uncovering. So my point is, inexperience, do not misinterpret inexperience for a lack of qualification. I'm guessing you're doing things in your life right now that you would have written off if you didn't try. I know you've talked about writing a bestselling book.

• 14:02Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 14:02Jay Shetty?

  You've talked about it with this amazing documentary.

• 14:05Lewis Howes?

  Watching a podcast, a documentary, all these things, yeah.

• 14:06Jay Shetty?

  I never believed I could do half the things I'm doing today, and you know that, because we met when I was just creating content on social media.

• 14:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:13Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, now, when you see things expand, you're like, you don't know until you give it a go, and ask yourself, do I enjoy it?

• 14:19Lewis Howes?

  Yes. So I grew up very competitive. And you talk about competition as one of these, I can't remember if it's like four or five different things, and competition is one of the things that's actually like, um... I wish I had the page right down here, but you talk about competition as like not the highest level of ourself.

• 14:36Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  In my entire life, I was competitive, was driven to beat other people. And in the last seven years, I've shifted so much. I'm still competitive, still wanna win, but I'm not like hurt if I lose. I'm not upset, I'm not, it doesn't defeat me emotionally, whereas before it used to be like, this was my identity, winning, had to win. Now it's like, okay, what did I learn? What did I gain from this experience? Did I have fun? Did I enjoy it? Did I inspire people even if I didn't win in this situation? In, in chapter two, you talk about negativity and the quote you use is, "It is impossible to build one's own happiness on the unhappiness of others." Does competition and unhappiness link together in your mind?

• 15:23Lewis Howes?

  Like if we need to be competitive to be happy in order for someone else loses, how do we manage ourself in this competitive world of winning in sports, of building a bigger business, some of these different things? Being number one in New York Times Bestsellers? How do we manage that with this world we're in, but also wanting to be happy at the same time?

• 15:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what a great question. So, the way I see it is that competition in and of itself is not good or bad. And, and this is like the monk mindset on, on 99% of things. That this mug is not good or bad. It can be filled with water, or it could be filled with poison.

• 16:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 16:03Jay Shetty?

  And so competition, I'll give you an example. As monks, our competition is in how much love and respect we showed to each other.

• 16:10Lewis Howes?

  That's your competition?

• 16:11Jay Shetty?

  That's what you compete on.

• 16:12Lewis Howes?

  Or how, how long can we meditate for?

• 16:14Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no.

• 16:15Lewis Howes?

  I can meditate longer than you!

• 16:16Jay Shetty?

  So if any monk, and I did this plenty of times.

• 16:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:19Jay Shetty?

  If I sat there and I thought, oh yeah, look at him, he's scratching his back. He got out like that. Your meditation just got destroyed, all the value. And so monks will never ask how long you meditate. They focus on how deep you meditate. And someone who meditates deep doesn't go on about how deep it was.

• 16:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:36Jay Shetty?

  But, but you compete for showing respect. You compete for serving each other. You compete for how well you can collaborate. And I feel like you live this.

• 16:44Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 16:45Jay Shetty?

  Like, I feel like you have this.

• 16:46Lewis Howes?

  I didn't used to do that.

• 16:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:48Lewis Howes?

  But the last seven years.

• 16:49Jay Shetty?

  You think like a monk, like, I feel like we're always trying to find a way where we can be better friends to each other.

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  Support each other.

• 16:54Jay Shetty?

  And so you're competing on that. And that's a positive competition that I think you can have. So you can still use, and this is the beautiful thing about the monk mindset. You can use any.

• 17:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:05Jay Shetty?

  Thing in a positive way. Now, in your second question about what does it mean about business and New York Times about seller list and being number one? This is how I see it. If while you're writing your book, if while you're recording your podcast, if you're sitting there going, I hope this is gonna be number one. This better be number one.

• 17:23Lewis Howes?

  I hope I sell more copies.

• 17:24Jay Shetty?

  I hope I sell more copies than this person who's launching at the same time, because that's the only way. Well, guess what? Now, the quality of your output right now has just dropped. Because guess what? You're now living seventy five percent in the future and you're twenty five percent right now. And guess what? This twenty five percent is gonna define that future goal and result.

• 17:41Lewis Howes?

  And your happiness.

• 17:42Jay Shetty?

  And your happiness.

• 17:43Lewis Howes?

  Whether you get the result or not.

• 17:44Jay Shetty?

  Totally. Whereas for me, when I was writing my book, and of course I want my book to be a bestselling book. Of course, I want my podcast to do well. Of course, we don't do anything for it to be last, like, no one does that. But what I do know is that when I'm creating, when I'm producing, when I'm writing, that's all I'm doing. See, the truth is that only two percent of the world's population can multitask. Now, the crazy thing is when.

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  Who are those two percent?

• 18:07Jay Shetty?

  When two percent, when people hear that, they think, I'm in that, oh, I'm in that two percent. Everyone thinks that, that they're in that. But most of us are the ninety eight percent.

• 18:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:14Jay Shetty?

  And the truth is, there is no such thing as multitasking. What it is, is fast switching between two tasks. So the quality is just dropping.

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Because you can actually, you cannot do two things at one time.

• 18:24Jay Shetty?

  You cannot. No one genuinely can do two things at one.

• 18:26Lewis Howes?

  I guess you could maybe like pat your head and do this at the same time.

• 18:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:30Lewis Howes?

  You can't do something productive at the same time, right?

• 18:32Jay Shetty?

  Or creative. And so what I'm saying is that when you're sitting here going, this needs to be number one, you are reducing that thing's ability to be number one because it now doesn't have your full focus.

• 18:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 18:45Jay Shetty?

  So, so that's the difference maker, that you can want to be number one, there's nothing wrong with that, but you can't keep comparing what number one is to someone else's goal too, because everyone's got a different trajectory. Like, there are some people that are kind of come in and do really well at one thing and you're gonna do really well at another. And that's why competition has to first be in your space. Like, don't compete in a space that's not yours.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 19:08Jay Shetty?

  Because now you're just trying to be someone else again and you get lost in that identity.

• 19:11Lewis Howes?

  A new identity.

• 19:12Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 19:13Lewis Howes?

  You talk about the four motivations. One is fear, desire, duty, and love. And as I was reading this, you know, fear is kind of like the, making sure you have your basic needs met, right? It's like, do I have shelter? Do I have food? Am I protected? Am I safe? You know, living in fear, it's being driven to get out of that fear, I guess, right? Or driven, or driven by that. Then you have desire, which is probably what was most of my life, was my, one of my main motivation, which was desire. Seeking personal gratifications through success, wealth, and pleasure. That's probably most of like, I don't know, any teenage boy, you know, who's just like, watching the media and seeing what their friends do, they're driven by desire.

• 19:54Lewis Howes?

  Girls, money, cool toys, results, success. I don't want to generalize it, but that's what I saw a lot growing up, right?

• 20:03Jay Shetty?

  Sure, me too.

• 20:04Lewis Howes?

  Now, the, the, the last two, the third and fourth are duty and love. Duty is motivated by gratitude, responsibility, and the desire to do the right thing. And love is compelled by care for others and the urge to help them. And I feel like in the last seven years, it's been more duty and love. It's more like mission focused. And there's an amount of happiness that I've never felt before until I reached... Practicing duty and love. And I remember I never was able to fall asleep at night until about seven, eight years ago, without an hour, hour and a half of just anxious, anxiety, stress, concern, worry.

• 20:43Lewis Howes?

  And when I shifted from seeking personal gratifications to being motivated by a mission and love and gratitude, it's like I started to fall asleep within minutes. And it's crazy, but why do we live in this fear motivation and desire motivation when it only causes us a lot of pain?

• 21:03Jay Shetty?

  Great question, man. And thanks for sharing your journey too. Because I mean, everyone, as you can see, Lewis is already thinking like a monk. So it's great, I love it. But it's, so yeah, great question. The challenge is that we think things come with emotions.

• 21:20Lewis Howes?

  Feelings.

• 21:21Jay Shetty?

  We think things come with feelings and emotions. And guess what they don't? So if you chase money.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  Well, they might for a moment, right? Or they won't?

• 21:29Jay Shetty?

  I don't think they even do.

• 21:30Lewis Howes?

  It's a false sense of feeling.

• 21:31Jay Shetty?

  It's such a false sense of feeling. I don't, maybe for a moment, but it's so short-lived that it's, it's not even worth counting almost. So it's like, when you, when you think that I'm chasing money, guess what? You will get money.

• 21:43Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 21:44Jay Shetty?

  And that's great. Money is really important. And money is a really important resource. But guess what? Money's not now gonna fill that gap, that void, that feeling, that emotion that you're missing in your life.

• 21:54Lewis Howes?

  What are most people missing?

• 21:56Jay Shetty?

  We're missing a deep sense of love. I think, I think the biggest need in the world, as we've heard many times before from all the ancient texts, they, they summarize it like this, to love and be loved. Like that is the need of humanity, to love and be loved. And when we don't experience that, we then start looking for status. We then start looking for money. Then we then start looking for recognition.

• 22:18Lewis Howes?

  To, to help us give the feeling of false sense of love.

• 22:21Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And the challenge is because most of us didn't experience that from our parents, and this is the key thing. What we crave in life is what we did or didn't get from our parents. What our parents did give us is what we continue to crave, or what they didn't give us is what we continue to crave. So you'll find that most people's love languages that they chase are things that their parents didn't give them. So if their parents didn't give them time, they now crave everyone's time. If their parents didn't give them

• 22:50Lewis Howes?

  Gifts.

• 22:50Jay Shetty?

  They crave gifts. If their parents didn't give them acts of service, they craving those acts of service. So it's because of our childhood. And if we don't learn to process all of that experience, which most people never get the time to do. And I empathize with that because I've had to go through that. I've seen me repeating my parents' patterns.

• 23:10Lewis Howes?

  What was the thing you were craving?

• 23:12Jay Shetty?

  So I would crave, a big thing for me was I would crave surprises and gifts because

• 23:17Lewis Howes?

  That's your thing.

• 23:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's my thing.

• 23:18Lewis Howes?

  Still is your thing.

• 23:19Jay Shetty?

  It's still my thing.

• 23:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:20Jay Shetty?

  And, and I

• 23:21Lewis Howes?

  Did your parents not do that for you?

• 23:22Jay Shetty?

  No, they did. My mom did a lot of it.

• 23:24Lewis Howes?

  That's why you still crave it.

• 23:25Jay Shetty?

  Correct. So my mom would always, every year on my birthday, she'd always surprise me with the one thing I wanted. And I wasn't spoiled growing up. I didn't have a lot growing up, but she would get that one thing. Whether it was like a Power Rangers toy or whether it was, whatever it was, you know, something, you know.

• 23:39Lewis Howes?

  Video game.

• 23:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, the thing is you want as a kid, right? And she would always surprise me with that. And that became so deep rooted. Now I'll give you an example. When I then married my wife, you just expect people to know that.

• 23:51Lewis Howes?

  That they're gonna do the same thing.

• 23:52Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  And she didn't do that.

• 23:54Jay Shetty?

  No, because I'm expecting my wife to be like my mom in the sense of I expected a surprise or show me love in the same way. And she doesn't know that. She's not a mind reader. I can't explain, expect her to know that. So it took communication. It took time for me to explain that. So anyway, I think that's where it stems from. That desire, you can say it comes from society and education. Of course it does. But I think the deepest place it comes is what your parents did or didn't give you. That's, that's where it comes from.

• 24:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Now, this was really cool. I think right now, there's a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of concern. There's a lot of fear in the world with coronavirus and just people concerned in general of the chaos of their life. Whether it's coronavirus or anything else that's happening, people seem to live in this fear state of mind right now, a lot. You talked about the fear of fear and how you had to learn to let go of your fear of fear. What does that actually mean? Letting go of the fear of fear?

• 24:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So I talk about how we fear the wrong things. What do we fear? So, most of us are fearful of how our friends are reacting, what's happening on social media, and what's the random bit of news that we heard. None of it is fact-based, that's one of the biggest issues. It's worry-based. It's worry-based, and it's also imagination-based. So, we become fiction writers. We've all watched too many movies. Now, we start writing these beautiful movies in our head. Well, not beautiful, scary movies in our head of what may happen. So, our imagination, and Seneca said it best, we suffer twice. One in reality and one in imagination. Right? We suffer twice. What actually happens to us? And then the story we continue to tell ourselves. Now, there's this incredible study in the book that I have to talk about.

• 25:32Jay Shetty?

  So, they took monks and they took non-monks and they... They competed against each other. They competed against each other, literally. So, they put this plate where you experience heat. And so, what happens is the non-monks touch this plate. Now, this plate heats up gradually, softly, and then at one point it gets really hot for 10 seconds and it cools down. And so, what happened is that when the non-monks touched it, the anxiety and pressure and stress in their brain just triggered straight away, even though it wasn't that hot. It wasn't hot. It was heating, but it wasn't hot to do anything major to you. But the anxiety and stress in imagination or in anticipation went through the roof in the non-monks. Now, this is what's fascinating. When the monks touched it, they showed that it didn't feel anything as it rose.

• 26:17Jay Shetty?

  But as it got to its highest, they felt physical pain, but they showed no trigger of emotional pain. Because they did not assign any emotional element to that pain. So, my point with that is, you can look at the news right now and you can get scared straight away and get in complete freeze mode, feeling stuck, paralyzed, whatever it is. Because what you're now doing is you're creating a story of what's going to happen. And that story... And you can cause sickness in yourself. You can cause sickness inside yourself. Not actually... The reality. The facts of the disease hitting you or something happening physically to you. Totally. And that story, again, can be used positively. So, your story may actually be true.

• 27:02Jay Shetty?

  But if it's gonna be true, now you can prepare. And that shifts you away from being scared because now you're preparing.

• 27:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:08Jay Shetty?

  And so the real

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  You can be confident because you're prepared.

• 27:10Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And so we should be shifting our fear energy into preparation energy. Because what fear does is it keeps you locked there, right? We just feel stuck. I'll give you an example. When you were preparing for big games, when you used to play in the NFL, right? And you're playing American football against some of the biggest athletes in the world. It's like you can either sit down and be scared that you're gonna play this game on the weekend, or you can prepare. And your confidence is in the preparation. So when people go, how do I feel confident right now? Are you preparing?

• 27:40Lewis Howes?

  Are you putting the reps?

• 27:41Jay Shetty?

  Are you putting the reps? Are you building your immunity? Are you taking your vitamins?

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  Drinking lots of water.

• 27:46Jay Shetty?

  Are you drinking lots of water? Are you taking the steps that are needed to prepare for whatever's coming? You will feel more confident that way.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So how do we learn to let go of the fear of fear, though? Like, how do we say, okay, we're only gonna allow it to hurt us when it actually hurts us, and not the fear of it? Is there a process? Is there just an awareness of this? That when you're in anxiety, worry, stress, fear, you just breathe and meditate then? What's the process of letting go of the fear of fear?

• 28:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so meditation mindfulness is powerful tools, but I'd say the process, and I want to be as tactical and strategic as we can. The thing is to get really close to that fear. So what we usually do is

• 28:23Lewis Howes?

  Embrace it.

• 28:23Jay Shetty?

  Embrace it, get close to it, get intimate with it.

• 28:26Lewis Howes?

  Become the bat. Sit in the batcage.

• 28:29Jay Shetty?

  Literally, yeah.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  And embrace the fear.

• 28:31Jay Shetty?

  Totally. We run away from fear. We like to run away and go, oh, it's not coming with me. Or what we do is, we hear one thing, and we define the whole understanding of our fear based on that one thing.

• 28:42Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 28:42Jay Shetty?

  So it's like, and I'll give you a normal example in a normal life scenario.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 28:46Jay Shetty?

  Someone says to you in the office, you know that they're gonna cut a few people?

• 28:52Jay Shetty?

  And you don't even check. You don't even know.

• 28:54Lewis Howes?

  Is it real?

• 28:54Jay Shetty?

  And now you just made it real, and now you're running with it. And you're trying to run away from it. So you're trying to avoid conversations with your boss. You're trying to avoid any conflict. You're trying to, you know, you're just

• 29:04Lewis Howes?

  It's a great example.

• 29:05Jay Shetty?

  You're just trying to avoid it. And so actually, what you need to do is go, okay, let me actually discover that fear. Let me go intimate with that fear. Let me ask myself, where's that fear coming from? What am I really scared of? What am I really scared of? Am I really scared of losing my job? Am I scared of not having any money? What am I really scared of? And when you get to the root, and I call it the Y ladder in the book. So it's asking yourself, what am I scared of? And then go, why am I scared of this? Why am I scared of this? Why am I scared of this? And when you can't ask why any longer, you've got to the answer, and that's what you have to deal with. Most of us are not dealing with what we're actually scared of.

• 29:40Lewis Howes?

  The root.

• 29:40Jay Shetty?

  So that's how you let go. You let go by keep asking yourself. So I'll give an example of mine. Like, if I heard that, or if you hear that in your office, that people are getting cut. It's like, you just get scared and panicked. But the question is, why am I scared of that? Am I scared of that because I haven't been working hard for six months? Am I scared of that because I've been skipping meetings? Am I scared of that because I know my boss will probably fire me first? Or am I scared because I've been performing really well, and I'm expecting a promotion? Knowing which one it is, it sets you up to build the path forward. Not knowing that, just puts you in this panic frenzy.

• 30:12Lewis Howes?

  I think also, like, doing all the things you talked about, which is discovering within yourself, being aware of it, but then also just have the conversation.

• 30:18Jay Shetty?

  Hundred percent.

• 30:19Lewis Howes?

  Confront it with your manager, your boss, and say, hey, listen, I heard some rumors that there might be some cuts, and I want to let you know that I'm a hundred percent committed to doing whatever it takes to help this company grow.

• 30:28Jay Shetty?

  Yes, hundred percent.

• 30:29Lewis Howes?

  I believe in this mission more than anything. Here's what I've been doing the last three months, and here's what I want to continue to do. Is there anything else I can do?

• 30:37Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 30:37Lewis Howes?

  Like, show them, they're like, why you shouldn't get cut.

• 30:40Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, and that's, you know how to approach that discussion when you know which side you're on, what your fear is.

• 30:46Lewis Howes?

  I remember as a freshman playing football, I was playing Division Two football in Minnesota. They usually redshirt all the freshmen. And I went into this with a big ego, thinking like, I'm gonna start, or at least I want to play, right? So I went into it with an ego in the first place. But I also, which wasn't good, but I also went into it with some things that were good from this conversation. I told the coach straight up, like, I know you don't play freshmen, but my intention is to play. What is it gonna take for me in order to get on the field? You know, do I need to get here early? Do I need to stay late? Can I sit here in the office with you after the, uh, before practice and go over game film? Whatever it was, and he was, he told me, yeah, I need you to come in the office every single day and watch game film with me.

• 31:28Lewis Howes?

  I need to be with your receiver coach every single day beforehand and doing reps. And I just did it. And I eventually started to play my freshman year. I didn't start in the beginning, but I started to start at the end. And that for me was powerful. It's like I dressed it because I wanted to play and I was afraid I wasn't gonna play at all. It just wasted a year of practicing, like every other freshman would do there. That was my ego going in, like, I need to play. But I was also like, I'll do whatever it takes and I'll practice and I'll confront it with conversation and say, this is my intention, this is my vision, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes for you. And so I think that

• 32:00Jay Shetty?

  That's a perfect example.

• 32:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, if you're in a workplace, you've gotta be confronting it and be proactive in your

• 32:05Jay Shetty?

  Correct, and that's a perfect example of getting close to fear rather than running away from it.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 32:10Jay Shetty?

  Spot on, man.

• 32:10Lewis Howes?

  For me, my whole mission in the last year in moving forward, the next projects I'm working on are all about belief in yourself. I believe self doubt is the killer of dreams. And I believe that, and you have this amazing graph in here, it's about ego versus self esteem. How do we build self belief, self esteem, self confidence while also not allowing our ego to be so big and think we can just do anything? How do we balance ego and self confidence so they don't hurt each other?

• 32:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. And what we experience most of the time is extremes.

• 32:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Jay Shetty?

  So the two extremes that most of us experience are either I have to think I'm the best, I'm the best in the world, I can crush anyone, like, I'm like gonna show everyone what I'm like. Or, most of us experience the other extreme, which is, I'm the worst. I'm the stupidest, I'm the dumbest, I'm the most worthless, I'm the biggest loser. Notice how that's both ego.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, really?

• 33:11Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 33:12Lewis Howes?

  Why is the negative ego?

• 33:13Jay Shetty?

  So the ego wants to be the best of the best, or the ego wants to be the worst of the worst. The ego won't accept being in the middle.

• 33:20Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 33:20Jay Shetty?

  The ego wants to feel the deepest sense of being the lowest. And that's why victim mentality is actually a subsequent of ego.

• 33:30Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 33:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's how it's explained in the Bhagavad Gita, because the point is that you can't deal with just being bad, you have to be the worst.

• 33:36Lewis Howes?

  My pain is the worst. I think Jada talked about this on your podcast, where she was like, you know, I had to tell people why my hurt was more painful than their hurt, and they could never understand how bad it was.

• 33:49Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 33:51Lewis Howes?

  That's ego as well.

• 33:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's ego as well. So you see these two sides of ego keeping us locked away. And so the only way to get with that, and the only way to balance it and bring it all into one, is genuine self-honesty. Honesty is the best place to be. And the best thing about honesty is, I'm really good at this, I'm really average at that, and I'm really bad at that. And the challenge we have with that is most of us have no idea. We just have zero self-awareness about what we are good at, what we are bad at, and what we're average at. So we think, I'm pretty average at everything. I'm pretty good at everything. And when I hear those answers, I'm like, simple things, just go and talk to people that know you.

• 34:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, what am I great at?

• 34:28Jay Shetty?

  Ask them, what's my superpower? What do I do differently? What do you think I do? That is different than no one else does. And guess what? I guarantee you, if you ask a colleague, if you ask a friend, if you ask a family member, if you ask a people from...

• 34:39Lewis Howes?

  They'll say different things too.

• 34:39Jay Shetty?

  They'll say different things. But you get to learn about yourself. So, real confidence comes from knowing your strengths and going all in on them. Your confidence does not come from just standing up the right way, or just saying the right stuff to yourself.

• 34:54Lewis Howes?

  Body language only, yeah.

• 34:55Jay Shetty?

  And that's important. I'm a big believer in all of that. But what I'm saying is that that doesn't build real confidence. Real confidence comes from thinking, I'm really good at this, I know I can do this, and I love doing it. And really, this is the most important bit. Confidence comes from serving other people. When you see the impact you have on others, and this is the biggest issue. The reason why we have such a low self-esteem today in the world is because people are not serving others. So they don't see the profound impact they have on others. When you put out a video or a podcast, and people tag you on Instagram and they say, Louis, you stopped me from depression. Or you helped me out of a divorce.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:33Jay Shetty?

  Or people, when they watch my content, they'll be like, that stopped me from committing suicide, or whatever it's... When you see that... You get such a deep sense of self-worth that you matter and guess what? Everyone matters, whether you matter to one people or one million people. Everyone matters. But if you see your impact on someone's life, you will feel such a deep sense of self-worth. And so whether you're serving at a, uh, giving out free food or whether you're serving at a local charity place or whether you're serving through your work. Serve, serve, serve, because when you take that step, you, you get a boost of self-esteem.

• 36:05Lewis Howes?

  But why do so many of us live in fear and desire mode as opposed to duty and love mode? Why, why is that? Like, why are we still focused on self as opposed to service?

• 36:15Jay Shetty?

  It's conditioned, it's conditioned, right? I've, I've said this before that we're wired for generosity, but we're educated for greed. I think I just said it to you two years ago when I was on the podcast. It's like, and, and when I said that, and it's so true, we're wired for generosity, but we're educated for greed. Because what happens is, when we're kids, you'll see kids.

• 36:35Lewis Howes?

  You wanna share.

• 36:36Jay Shetty?

  Go out their way, they wanna share.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  You want my candy bar, whatever, right?

• 36:39Jay Shetty?

  Totally, yeah. And then as we get older, we're told that there's less. And this is what the key is. As we get older, we're told, there are finite numbers of how many kids get made on the basketball or baseball team. We're told there's a finite number of college spaces. We're told there's a finite number of how many tickets there are. We're told there's a finite number of people that are successful. Guess what? In the theater of happiness, there are infinite and unlimited seats. And there is a seat with your name on it. There is a seat with your name on it in the theater of dreams, in the theater of happiness. But you think that because you think that there are only a hundred people allowed in, that if someone else makes it before you, that you don't get in. And guess what? Is there a cap on how many billionaires there are in the world?

• 37:22Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 37:23Jay Shetty?

  No. Is there a cap on how many millionaires there are in the world? No. Is there a cap on how many happy people there are in the world? No. And that's why I really am encouraging Forbes. I want Forbes, forget printing a rich list, print a happiness list, print a service list. Print a list of who is serving.

• 37:36Lewis Howes?

  We should do that.

• 37:37Jay Shetty?

  Who is serving the most in the world?

• 37:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that'll be, that'll be competition based.

• 37:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 37:42Lewis Howes?

  I gave more than you gave.

• 37:43Jay Shetty?

  And that's why it should be serviced based on time, energy and money. Because we should start. Showing how much time people give, how much energy people give. Mother Teresa, I don't think she gave any money to her charities.

• 37:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:54Jay Shetty?

  But you get a lot of time and energy.

• 37:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Jay Shetty?

  You know, you look at all the people who made a change in the world, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, like, they may not have given a lot of money to stuff.

• 38:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:02Jay Shetty?

  They gave time and energy.

• 38:03Lewis Howes?

  You don't have to give resources, but your resourcefulness, your love, your time, your focus, your attention, your compassion.

• 38:10Jay Shetty?

  Love that.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  Uh, you know, resourcefulness of the, of the heart, not of the wallet, I think is key. And you don't need to have a lot of money to make a big impact.

• 38:19Jay Shetty?

  You don't. There's, and, and this is the training. See, we've been educated for greed because we've been told everything's limited. There's limited number of this, limited number of this, number. And every time you play in numbers, and I think it was Bob Marley who said it, but every time you play in numbers, you'll always be dissatisfied because guess what?

• 38:33Lewis Howes?

  Someone's always gonna have more.

• 38:34Jay Shetty?

  Someone's always gonna have more. I was speaking to a friend recently and, and, and this friend was telling me that he, uh, you know, bought a home, which is very expensive.

• 38:44Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 38:45Jay Shetty?

  Very, very expensive. And he went to a party at someone else's house. And he told me that when he was getting a tour of this party, he found out that this person had a painting on his wall, which cost the amount his house cost. And so he was joking with me. He was like, that, that guy's painting.

• 39:01Lewis Howes?

  In the house.

• 39:02Jay Shetty?

  He's got my house on his wall.

• 39:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 39:04Jay Shetty?

  And, and that just puts things in a perspective. And you think about that, like, and then you look at someone like Jeff Bezos and you think, oh, well, he's the richest man in the world, but does he have the most fame? No, he doesn't.

• 39:13Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:13Jay Shetty?

  Does he have the most beauty? Uh, subjective decision. Does he have the most strength or power? Maybe not. And so no one has the most of everything. So when you measure yourself by numbers, you'll always be second, third, fourth, fifth in something.

• 39:30Lewis Howes?

  And I think by measuring yourself by needing to have the most of anything is probably a recipe for unhappiness. Of like, well, okay, I'm not gonna have the most of anything, but I'm gonna have the most money. You're still gonna be unhappy.

• 39:42Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 39:43Lewis Howes?

  Even if you have the most of something, doesn't mean you're gonna be happy.

• 39:46Jay Shetty?

  Totally. I think it was Albert Einstein who said it best that. Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted. And and I love that because it removes this belief that things are finite and limited. And they're not. If you wanna be happy and successful, if no matter that there are seven hundred thousand podcasts. If that is your Dharma, if that's your calling, if that's your purpose. Like, you can do that. There's there's no cap on on how many successful soccer players that can exist at the same time.

• 40:20Lewis Howes?

  Or how many books are out in the world.

• 40:22Jay Shetty?

  There's no cap. There's no one stopping you. And that's the mindset that we're educated for that scarcity and greed.

• 40:28Lewis Howes?

  And what's the difference between the monkey mind and the monk mind?

• 40:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm glad you brought that out. So so the monkey mind is what we experience on a day to day basis. The monkey mind is restless. The monkey mind is jumping from branch to branch. The monkey mind's trying to find a bigger banana. The monkey mind is constantly just like feeling flustered. Dissatisfied, scarce and overthinking everything. The monk mind is the exact opposite. The monk mind is calm and composed. The monk mind knows to be focused and aware. The monk mind knows. So everything in this book. And everything that we're talking about is the transformation from the monkey mind that we experience to the monk mind. The monkey mind is almost the enemy to the monk mind. It's the opposite.

• 41:12Lewis Howes?

  Yes. And how does someone who is living in a sense of scarcity? Because there are people living in scarcity where they're unable to pay their bills, they're unable to provide food for their kids, they're single moms, they're. They're stressed. They're stressed. They're overwhelmed. It's hard to get into a sense of abundance when you're in scarcity and stress. So how does someone find purpose in chaos? When they can't even get out of the thinking because they're just trying to survive?

• 41:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So beautiful question. My my biggest answer is first of all, I empathize with anyone who's been in that situation, having. I can't ever say I've been in that situation in the same way, but I've experienced similar things.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  You've shared a feeling in your life, yes.

• 41:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, in my own way. And I've seen my mom go through stuff like that. I I know that my mom worked really hard to raise me and my sister while working, you know, while running around. And I've I've seen my mom be that incredible powerhouse of a person. And the the main thing I would say is, what you can do right now is find meaning in what you do. Make what you do meaningful, passionate and purposeful. You don't need to suddenly look to become an entrepreneur or start a side hustle or find some more time, find meaning. And the way you find meaning is you genuinely stop, press pause for a second and go, what am I living for? Like, what am I living for right now? And if you're living for your child and if you're living to provide and put food on the table,

• 42:38Jay Shetty?

  that is a beautiful thing that we should celebrate more. And sometimes it takes us a moment to stop and celebrate that. And so I would say find meaning, because you can't always find happiness, you can't always find positivity, but you can always find meaning in that position. So I'll give an example, like, I lost someone really important to me, a mentor, a few days back. I can't be positive about that. You can't be happy about that.

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  You're sad. It's hurtful.

• 43:02Jay Shetty?

  You feel sad, you you feel lost, but guess what? I can find meaning in it. Because I can make a list of every lesson he taught me and make a plan to try and live every one of those lessons.

• 43:10Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's beautiful.

• 43:11Jay Shetty?

  And and so if you're in a really tough situation right now, don't look for positivity. Don't look for happiness. Look for meaning.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  That's a good one. Not trying to, a- and not trying to get yourself out of pain too quickly or discomfort or frustration, which I've been a guilt to be like, I'll just be positive or whatever to people. But I think it's like, you know, have your experience.

• 43:31Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 43:31Lewis Howes?

  Live your experience and find meaning as quickly as possible and create a commitment to how you want to use that meaning moving forward. Okay, I may not be great tomorrow, maybe not next week, next month, but I'm going to use this meaning to serve other people, to continue to do what I love, continue to be great to my friends, my family in the best way possible.

• 43:53Jay Shetty?

  And when you start doing those small things with love and kindness, so much more opens up. It's like when you, when you can be trusted with the small things and the small moments, you get trusted with more and more and more. And so like, it helps to just. In that moment, and it's in those painful moments that you realize how powerful you are. We all know that, like you've really recognized it. And, and what you said was beautiful about not rushing through the pain because, and, and you know, this example's probably been shared before, but if you have a wound and you've cut yourself, it's like you can't rush the healing. You can't rush it. If you broke your arm, I mean, and you've been through so many bodily injuries, you can't rush the process.

• 44:32Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna take six weeks minimum to heal a broken bone.

• 44:34Jay Shetty?

  Correct, correct. And you've got to sit through that.

• 44:36Lewis Howes?

  It's painful.

• 44:37Jay Shetty?

  There's no injections you can take, there's no videos you can watch, there's nothing you can listen to. But our challenge is we try and rush through the pain, rather than reflect through the pain.

• 44:46Lewis Howes?

  We try to rush the healing process too.

• 44:48Jay Shetty?

  Try to rush the healing, and you can't rush healing, and healing is meant to be slow because it buys you time. It buys you reflection, it gives you so much space.

• 44:55Lewis Howes?

  To slow down.

• 44:56Jay Shetty?

  To slow down. And that's what your body's calling out for. And this is our emergency, like, how many times have we heard it, where you slow down, you slow down, and that's when you fall ill? Because guess what? Your body has been trying to tell you to slow down. When you feel pain, so I, I write about it and think like a mark, pain makes you pay attention.

• 45:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:15Jay Shetty?

  That's what pain's for. Pain's what.

• 45:17Lewis Howes?

  Notice this.

• 45:18Jay Shetty?

  Notice this. Notice me. Look at me. It's crazy. It's like a crying baby craving for attention. When a baby's crying, you don't just go, ah, it's crying. You don't just go, oh yeah, we'll just put it in another room and forget about it, right? Like you go to it and you find its needs, whereas without pain, when something's painful, we're just like, oh yeah, I'll just forget about it. I'll escape from it. I'll do something else. You have to go into that pain.

• 45:37Lewis Howes?

  I'll numb it. I'll numb the pain.

• 45:37Jay Shetty?

  Unnum the pain. That's it.

• 45:39Lewis Howes?

  Or whatever.

• 45:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, a hundred percent. That's, that's usually our response is what can I do to numb this?

• 45:44Lewis Howes?

  Work more, have sex more, drink more, drugs more, whatever it is.

• 45:48Jay Shetty?

  Rather than let me actually become alert, and guess what? The pain just gets higher and higher and higher and higher. Because unfortunately, until it really hurts, we don't stop.

• 45:56Lewis Howes?

  Or you need more and more to numb it with.

• 45:59Jay Shetty?

  So true.

• 45:59Lewis Howes?

  And so you go down to extremes of life, right?

• 46:01Jay Shetty?

  So true.

• 46:02Lewis Howes?

  Now. What's been the most painful thing you've had to experience since? Cause I know leaving the monkhood was painful for you cause this was a mission of yours that you wanted to have for your whole life. And I think you were there for three and a half years. So what's been the most painful thing, I guess, in the last six or seven years? Since that time that you've had to reflect back on, take notice of, pay attention to and reevaluate?

• 46:26Jay Shetty?

  That's a great question. I think for me it was in 2016, I moved out to New York. So just let me paint a picture of 2016. I moved three jobs. I got married.

• 46:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 46:38Jay Shetty?

  I moved country. And I just started a whole new life, like my life just transformed. So we went through all of that with my wife in one year. And by the way, all of that was surprises. The job change was surprises.

• 46:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:51Jay Shetty?

  The country change was a surprise. The marriage was not a surprise. We planned that. But apart from everything else, everything was a surprise. Now I said I like surprises, so I can roll with it. But my point is that's a lot of transition in there.

• 47:03Lewis Howes?

  So much transition.

• 47:05Jay Shetty?

  And I felt the burden of being in a new city where we had no family. We had no friends. And my wife, who loves being around her family and no one understands just how close she is to them. I felt this burden on me that I had taken away her time with her family. And now she was alone. So I was going out to work and she'd be crying at home. And I was thinking, she's got no friends, she's got no support. And I know you can relate to this with moving and relationships and so much going on. And so it's like, I'm dealing with that and guess what? Six months later, I have to leave and move on and work on a new career to build everything myself. And then I'm four months away from being broke. And so on top of all of this, I've now got four months away from being broke.

• 47:48Jay Shetty?

  I've got enough money, money saved for four months to pay for rent and groceries.

• 47:52Lewis Howes?

  In New York City.

• 47:53Jay Shetty?

  In New York City. And that's it. And guess what? Even on top of that, I've got 30 days before my visa runs out and I'm kicked out of the country. So I can't even live here anymore. So not only have I just got married, moved job three times, changed career again, had to move into a apartment, four months of being broke, and I might get kicked out in thirty days, and my renewal for my visa cost fifteen thousand dollars. So that's gonna eat into those four months. I have probably never been under that much emotional, physical and and mental pressure in my life, like genuinely, I felt it. And I felt my body change, my my breath was more stressed, I would be breathing faster, shorter breaths, not deep breaths, heart beating faster, not working out, you get into lazy habits, you start craving junk food.

• 48:38Lewis Howes?

  Sugar to get the energy.

• 48:39Jay Shetty?

  I'm living in a five hundred square foot apartment with my wife, which is which is tiny, like everything's in that space, and guess what, we both work from home. So I'm now sitting at a desk, hunched over, trying to figure stuff out. She's trying to cook in the same room, like I'm trying to, just just trying to figure out what to do. And I remember the next morning, sending like a hundred emails to people, and just being like, this is where I am, this is what I can do, how can we serve? And that was the same year that I ended up meeting you later in that year. And the beginning three months of that journey were so stressful, like they were so stressful because I was like, what if I have to move back to London? What am I gonna say to her parents? I mean, I just took their daughter away, like.

• 49:20Lewis Howes?

  Just got married.

• 49:21Jay Shetty?

  I've lived in New York City for six months and my life's falling apart, like, you know, so much. And I've got all these views, but there's nothing, there's nothing happening in.

• 49:28Lewis Howes?

  But you also, you also, I mean, at this time, you're also growing so much. How are you able to create and reach this impact with your videos as that's growing while you're under so much stress and uncertainty?

• 49:40Jay Shetty?

  And I stopped a bit at that time, like things slowed down hard, like things slowed down.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  I remember.

• 49:45Jay Shetty?

  I I wasn't creating as much as I was because I don't enjoy creating from stress or pressure. And I don't think you can really create something from stress and pressure. So we really slowed down at that time. And when I was creating, I was creating from a place of recognizing that I could share what I had learned and what I had grown in so far. So anything I was sharing was like, this is what I've learned so far. So that was the biggest pain that I've been through in the last seven years, for sure. And all I can say is that I remember coming home to my wife, knowing that this was gonna be the truth. And I came home and I said to her, I said to her, I guarantee you, this is gonna be the best thing that ever happened to us.

• 50:21Lewis Howes?

  What, the pain?

• 50:22Jay Shetty?

  The pain. I said that to her the night I came home, and then she gave out, she like, I literally came home, I looked in the eyes and go, this is the scenario. And I just want you to know that I guarantee to you, this is the best thing that's ever gonna happen to us. And I said to, and this is, this is a monk statement that we used to repeat, I said to, I'm just not gonna judge the moment. Don't judge the moment, because what we do is we try to label moments as good or bad. And when you label a moment as bad, it now does not have the opportunity to become good. I'll give an example, if I go, I don't like this book, this book's bad, right? And I don't, and I love this book. But if I say that, guess what, I will never pick it up and recognize the value that's inside of it, because you've labeled it.

• 50:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 51:00Jay Shetty?

  And we label stuff, like we label, oh, that restaurant's bad. But when you label a moment, that person's bad, now you can't learn from that person, oh, great one, that's a really good one. As soon as you start labeling people or anything as good or bad, you limit it, you stop it from being something else. And here's the truth, every moment can evolve into being anything if you give it the opportunity to.

• 51:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 51:22Jay Shetty?

  But as soon as you say it's got no value anymore, you lose it. And so for me, I had to say to myself, don't judge the moment, and I'd keep repeating that.

• 51:32Lewis Howes?

  Don't judge where you're at.

• 51:33Jay Shetty?

  Don't judge.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  What's happening.

• 51:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, don't judge it as negative, don't, don't just start saying it's negative, because guess what, we've all been in positions where a gift turned into a curse, and a curse turned into a gift.

• 51:42Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 51:43Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 51:43Lewis Howes?

  Where our dreams came true, and it ended up not being what we wanted.

• 51:47Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 51:47Lewis Howes?

  And it fell apart, and it led us into our dreams.

• 51:51Jay Shetty?

  Totally, why is it that so many people that win the lottery go broke? Gifts can turn into curses too.

• 51:56Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 51:57Jay Shetty?

  But because we labeled them as the best moment in our life, or the worst moment in our life. Whereas when you approach things to neutrality and just what you have on the table, you can be like, okay, what am I gonna do next?

• 52:06Lewis Howes?

  That's why the greatest quarterbacks are neutral energy. They'll get a little excited, they'll get a little fist pump in there every, every now and then, but they're not hyped every play, and they're not negative every play, they have this calm, they see the field, they're, you drop a pass, and it's like, a little bit, let's go. But it's very neutral, even when you score a touchdown, unless it's maybe the Super Bowl or a big championship at the end of a game, in the middle of the game, you wanna keep it pretty like, even keel, paced, so you can prepare for the best or the worst.

• 52:35Jay Shetty?

  That's great, yeah.

• 52:36Lewis Howes?

  But you're always up and down, it's like you're. Energy levels will go up and down and you'll be exhausted. You need to have energy in life.

• 52:43Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 52:43Lewis Howes?

  And if everything is tied around a story of this is bad, this is wrong, I'm in a bad place, I'm messing up, I'm going broke. That energy is gonna pull you away from service.

• 52:53Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 52:53Lewis Howes?

  Or creation or creativity of how do I get out of this place? So I think it's really powerful.

• 52:58Jay Shetty?

  And I used to have a coach and I think a lot of coaches use this or at least he used to say to us, he would be like, if you, if you lose, cry for a day. And if you celebrate, if you win, celebrate for a day.

• 53:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:10Jay Shetty?

  And then move on the next day, get back to training. Don't, don't let it run.

• 53:13Lewis Howes?

  Don't live in the past.

• 53:14Jay Shetty?

  Don't live in the past. And what we do is when we lose, we cry for a month. And when we win, we just move on.

• 53:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:21Jay Shetty?

  Which means that our negative experiences hold us back and weigh us down more than our positive experiences. So we're actually allowing, because we don't immerse ourselves in winning and growth. We only submerge ourselves in negative experiences.

• 53:35Lewis Howes?

  We need to celebrate also. We try to celebrate. I've been, you know, that's been part of my life as well, is like moving on too quick. And now we try to like, let's enjoy, let's go to lunch or dinner and really like appreciate this moment and celebrate this moment. And even have a dinner with some friends and family. Otherwise, what are we working so hard for?

• 53:52Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent. And we almost feel like we can't, we can't do that because that makes us complacent.

• 53:58Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:58Jay Shetty?

  But, but that's my point.

• 54:00Lewis Howes?

  Never good enough.

• 54:00Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. But if you win, celebrate for a day. If you lose, cry for a day, move on. Simple.

• 54:05Lewis Howes?

  And you've learned so many lessons over your years as a monk. You learned a ton of lessons. Moving to, you know, getting married, moving into a new country, building, building companies, launching products and books. And you've had ups and downs. What's been the biggest lesson in the last 12 months for you? Cause you've learned, you've created so much in the last 12 months. You've done so many things. What's been the biggest lesson for you in your life?

• 54:28Jay Shetty?

  Oh, that's a big question. What about, what's my biggest lesson in the last 12 months? I want to give you a really, I want to give you the real, I'm gonna think about it.

• 54:38Lewis Howes?

  Whether it's something new or something that you already knew, but you had to relearn for whatever reason.

• 54:45Jay Shetty?

  I think I'd have to say that it's a, and I was saying it to a friend on the phone this morning when I was on the way to you. And I was just, I was just sharing it with him because he was having a moment in recognizing this. There's a wonderful verse in the Manu Smithi, which I talk about in Think Like a Monk, it's a monk book. And in the verse, it says, when you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you. Now, I wanna, I wanna unpack that. What I mean by that is, your purpose is like a rare jewel and a rare gemstone. And imagine you were walking around with the most expensive diamond or jewel in the world. How would you protect it?

• 55:26Lewis Howes?

  You wouldn't just like.

• 55:27Jay Shetty?

  You wouldn't just wear it. Yeah, you wouldn't just wear it on your chest, like a baby.

• 55:31Lewis Howes?

  Holding it.

• 55:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Lewis Howes?

  Putting a pillow around it, a blanket, you'd do like, yeah, protect it.

• 55:35Jay Shetty?

  You'd protect it. And so your purpose is like that. And guess what? People are gonna tell you every day that that jewel is not worth anything. They're gonna tell you that that jewel is actually valueless. It doesn't have any impact on your life. They're gonna try and take away that value. They're gonna tell you that there's another jewel out there that you need to have more value. And what ends up happening is you don't, I love the word, look at the wording, protect your purpose. You have to protect it. So what happens is your success grows, you get more opportunities, more ideas, more things coming your way, temptations, but they can all take you away from your purpose, distractions. And to me, I'm repeating this for myself because I'm like, I just wanna stick to what I was born to do.

• 56:20Jay Shetty?

  And I'm so grateful that I get to do it. I'm so happy I get to do it. And I wanna keep protecting it. I don't wanna get lost in the waves. You know, you don't wanna just get chucked in the waves of the ocean and just get lost and just not know where you're going. So for me, when you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you.

• 56:34Lewis Howes?

  So that's been your biggest lesson?

• 56:35Jay Shetty?

  That's my biggest lesson.

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  Why? Do you feel like your purpose has been maybe distracted in some ways?

• 56:39Jay Shetty?

  I don't think it has, but I'm saying it so it doesn't. Like, yeah, I'm reminding myself, like I'm preaching to myself right now.

• 56:45Lewis Howes?

  Especially being in Hollywood and the temptation of all these opportunities out here.

• 56:49Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And I, and I think for me, it's a bigger lesson, also because it gives me more faith. So I always encourage, and this is actually, actually, this is why it's my biggest lesson. I encourage so many people that I coach, so many people that I mentor, obviously everyone in my community and audience and everything, to go and follow that, go and live that purpose. And I see time and time again. That when I see people trying to live their purpose, they are protected, that it things work. When you're playing in your Dharma and your purpose, things work, things move, you feel momentum.

• 57:21Lewis Howes?

  They happen.

• 57:22Jay Shetty?

  They happen. And I'm not saying they happen without effort, but they happen, they move, whereas when you're not, you just constantly feel like you're grinding up against. You know, a war.

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  I know, challenges.

• 57:32Jay Shetty?

  Just, just constant.

• 57:33Lewis Howes?

  So what is your purpose and when did you discover it?

• 57:36Jay Shetty?

  Good question. What is my, my purpose is simple. It's always has been since, not since the beginning, because I discovered it afterwards. My purpose is making wisdom go viral. And I've stuck with that and I've kept it that way because to me, and, and there's more to it. Making wisdom go viral through entertainment, I would say is my purpose. Because I believe that that is something that is uniquely my goal, impact and service. And that's why it's.

• 58:01Lewis Howes?

  It's your gift, it's your passion, it's your love, it's your talent, it's everything in one.

• 58:06Jay Shetty?

  And the beautiful thing is I'm not limited to a platform. So that can be books, it can be podcasts, it can be TV shows, it can be movies. It's not limited. And this I learned by reading, I was reading after, and this was after my videos started to, to get seen. This wasn't before I did it. It wasn't like I sat down and I wrote this fancy tagline. I was reading Saleem Nishma's book called Exponential Organizations. And in this book, he talks about something called an MTP, a massive transformational purpose. And he says that every major person, organization in the world has an MTP. So an MTP has to be aspirational, it has to be massive, and it has to be service and purpose based. So Google's is organizing the world's information. Notice it doesn't say we're an SEO company.

• 58:51Jay Shetty?

  Notice it doesn't say we do Google Ads. They're, they're organizing the world's information. That's how big they're dreaming. And when you're organizing the world's information, you can do driverless cars, you can do Google Glass, you can sell Google Ads, whatever it is. And so Ted's is ideas worth spreading. That's what they are. That's what they're about. So Jay Shetty is making wisdom go viral. That's what I'm dedicated to.

• 59:13Lewis Howes?

  So when did you discover it? Because it wasn't when you were ten. It wasn't when you were twenty one in college.

• 59:18Jay Shetty?

  I'd say I was thirty, probably two, three years ago. So I'm thirty two now. So I'd say like two, three years ago is when I discovered it.

• 59:25Lewis Howes?

  Thirty years old is when you discovered your purpose.

• 59:27Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 59:28Lewis Howes?

  So what was your purpose before that?

• 59:30Jay Shetty?

  My purpose before that was finding my purpose. Like it's like that process of just like, my purpose before that was fourteen years. So I've been online for four years. I've spent ten years offline, talking about the same stuff, sharing the same messages in talks, in universities, in small seminars, in coaching, in mentoring. Like I've been doing the same thing for fourteen years. But I didn't realize it was my purpose until very recently. But I just did what I enjoyed and naturally tried to get better at it.

• 59:58Lewis Howes?

  So if we don't know what our purpose is and we're working towards finding our purpose, it's okay.

• 1:00:05Jay Shetty?

  That's actually where you're gonna spend most of your life.

• 1:00:07Lewis Howes?

  Discovering what your purpose is.

• 1:00:09Jay Shetty?

  And that's the best bit.

• 1:00:11Lewis Howes?

  Because I think a lot of people are like, well, I don't know what my purpose is.

• 1:00:13Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:00:14Lewis Howes?

  How do I just, how do I find it?

• 1:00:15Jay Shetty?

  The pressure of finding your purpose will stop you from finding your purpose. Literally, the pressure is so heavy. And that's why it's not about finding that. It's just starting with the basics. What am I good at? And I talk about it. I break down Dharma in here. And I talk about what are your passion? What is your expertise? What is your compassion? Because that's really important. What is your compassion for the world? Like, what problem do you want to solve? I often, people will say, there's so many things I could do. There's so many things. I'm like, my question is not what causes you the greatest joy. Sometimes my question is, what is, what causes you the greatest pain?

• 1:00:47Lewis Howes?

  Make that your purpose.

• 1:00:49Jay Shetty?

  Make that your purpose. If you don't know what your joy is, you definitely know what your pain is.

• 1:00:52Lewis Howes?

  What do you not like in the world?

• 1:00:53Jay Shetty?

  What do you not like? And so for me.

• 1:00:54Lewis Howes?

  Go serve that thing.

• 1:00:55Jay Shetty?

  Hundred percent. So for me, the greatest pain I see in the world. Is people not reaching their potential.

• 1:01:01Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:01:02Jay Shetty?

  That is, that causes me more pain because I believe that there is someone out there who is stacking shelves, who has the cure to cancer.

• 1:01:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:01:09Jay Shetty?

  There is someone out there.

• 1:01:11Lewis Howes?

  Or is a talented singer.

• 1:01:12Jay Shetty?

  Is a talented singer. There is someone out there who's not living to their potential. And I think we're better people, we're better partners, and we're better parents when we live to our potential. So that's what I'm trying to solve. And I'm not saying that's the biggest thing.

• 1:01:23Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:01:24Jay Shetty?

  I'm saying it's my thing.

• 1:01:24Lewis Howes?

  Whenever I work with people, I'm always telling them to find your purpose, focus on what you're most passionate about or what you, you have the most pain around.

• 1:01:31Jay Shetty?

  There you go.

• 1:01:32Lewis Howes?

  It's the same thing. So it's like, do the thing you love the most and keep doing it until you either discover that's it, or maybe I don't love that anymore. Like, I played so many sports growing up. I used to love baseball, used to love soccer, and then I got bored with it. I got burnt out by it. It wasn't a love of mine anymore, it wasn't a passion. And then I switched to football. And it was like, oh, this is a passion. And I'm actually more gifted physically for this sport than I would be for soccer. I was too big for soccer. Kind of run seven miles a day right now on the field. But I think you need to try lots of things, and you might think it's a passion, but you might get burnt out and discover, eh, I don't love it anymore. What else is there? And keep trying new things. Like you said, eight new things a month.

• 1:02:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Lewis Howes?

  Till you discover.

• 1:02:14Jay Shetty?

  Till you discover.

• 1:02:14Lewis Howes?

  And it might take you until thirty, forty, fifty, right?

• 1:02:17Jay Shetty?

  It doesn't ma- that doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, the fun is in the growth and the journey and the... Like, for me, the last ten years before this happened, and my life changed, it was like, those were fun. I was happy.

• 1:02:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:02:30Jay Shetty?

  I wasn't unhappy because of that, because I didn't have...

• 1:02:33Lewis Howes?

  You didn't know the exact purpose of your life.

• 1:02:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And now I'm very clear on it, and I'm happy for it to evolve too. Like, I don't think it has to stay the same. I may sit with you in two years' time and tell you something completely different.

• 1:02:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:02:45Jay Shetty?

  And I'm okay with that. But I can only work with what I have now. And I think we start trying to postpone our purpose or find a date by which you have to... You put a deadline on your purpose? Doesn't make any sense. Like, if you, if you really care about it, how can you put a deadline on it?

• 1:03:00Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:03:00Jay Shetty?

  You just keep working towards it.

• 1:03:02Lewis Howes?

  What are three skills that... Everyone should try to learn in the next one to two years. That will help them in their life tremendously. No matter who you are, where you live in the world. Three things we could start to practice, learn, master that will improve our life.

• 1:03:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a great question. You ask me a lot of great questions, is like every question.

• 1:03:27Jay Shetty?

  You reminded me of something which which I'm gonna share is a bunch of years back. I went to the launch of Eric Schmidt's book, How Google Works.

• 1:03:37Lewis Howes?

  Nice.

• 1:03:37Jay Shetty?

  And I was in the audience. I didn't get to interview him or meet him or anything like that. But I remember sitting in the audience and there was someone else there who was interviewing him and talking. And they were like, and someone asked this question from the audience. So a student got up and they said, what do you think is the number one skill? That student should be focusing on. And they said, everyone should become data analysts. They're like, everyone should become, everyone in this room should become. And I was sitting there going, I know nothing about being a data analyst. And I think sometimes we throw out these careers or like hard skills and technicals. And it's like, well, not everyone's gonna vibe with that. So I just wanna share that because I think so often like we get bad advice like that. I'm like, imagine I pursued becoming a data analyst.

• 1:04:13Lewis Howes?

  And you have to also know the perspective of the person you're getting that advice from. So your perspective, your three things that people should be taking on is gonna come from your world perspective and your experience of what's worked for you.

• 1:04:26Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 1:04:26Lewis Howes?

  But what would you think?

• 1:04:27Jay Shetty?

  So I'd say the first one for me is learn how to have a conversation with yourself. Like just learn how to have a conversation with yourself. Like if you don't know, if I'll give you, one of the studies that I shared in the book, which I absolutely love. Men and women were asked either to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or they could give themselves an electric shock if they were bored.

• 1:04:51Lewis Howes?

  They took the shock.

• 1:04:52Jay Shetty?

  Thirty percent of women chose an electric shock and 60% of men chose an electric shock because they didn't wanna be alone with their thoughts.

• 1:05:00Lewis Howes?

  For 15 minutes.

• 1:05:01Jay Shetty?

  For 15 minutes. Why is that? Because we have not learned to have a conversation with ourselves.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  Or even love ourselves.

• 1:05:09Jay Shetty?

  No, we haven't. And I think that starts with the conversation. I think you're right, we don't love ourselves, but that starts with learning to talk to yourself. So find time for you to talk to your own mind, to talk to yourself, to understand yourself, to find out. How many of us, when you go to a restaurant, you know whether you're gonna go back or not, right? You know whether you like it. When you go watch a movie, you know whether you're gonna like it or not. So, so yeah, let me just say that again, let me, let me, let me explain what I'm saying there. When you go to a restaurant, you know when you walk out whether you're going to go back there or not, based on whether you like the food. When you watch a movie, you know whether you're gonna recommend it to your friends, based on whether you liked it or not. Why do we keep visiting the same people, the same places, and doing the same projects when they don't lift us up?

• 1:05:52Jay Shetty?

  So many of us are not aware of the same people that we hang around with that bring us down, the places that don't feed us, they drain our energy, and the projects that don't light us up.

• 1:06:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Jay Shetty?

  But we keep going back there because we don't talk to ourselves.

• 1:06:04Lewis Howes?

  Ah.

• 1:06:05Jay Shetty?

  Because we don't talk to ourselves, do you know what? Like, I can ask you, hey, did you like that restaurant? But when do we ask ourselves, hey, do I like, do I wanna hang out with that person? Does that person?

• 1:06:13Lewis Howes?

  Do I wanna be in this relationship? Do I wanna be in this job?

• 1:06:15Jay Shetty?

  We just get scared of those conversations, so we avoid them, so that's first thing.

• 1:06:19Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:19Jay Shetty?

  The second.

• 1:06:20Lewis Howes?

  Learn to have a conversation with yourself.

• 1:06:21Jay Shetty?

  Learn to have a conversation with yourself. The second thing is, know how your mind tricks you. So we used to play this game in the monastery, where every time you lose to your mind, you put a scoreboard up, and you put a one for the mind and zero for you.

• 1:06:34Lewis Howes?

  When you lose to the mind, meaning what?

• 1:06:35Jay Shetty?

  Like, so let's say you make a commitment. So I make a commitment that I'm not gonna eat sugar.

• 1:06:40Lewis Howes?

  And then you do.

• 1:06:40Jay Shetty?

  In twenty twenty, and I do.

• 1:06:41Lewis Howes?

  The mind beats you.

• 1:06:42Jay Shetty?

  The mind beats me to it, so I'm gonna put a one for the mind and a zero for me, right?

• 1:06:46Lewis Howes?

  It's great.

• 1:06:46Jay Shetty?

  It's great, it's competing with yourself in a good way. It's fun, yeah. And people do this with like, I guess now with like dollar jars or whatever, like you put a dollar in.

• 1:06:53Lewis Howes?

  I swear.

• 1:06:54Jay Shetty?

  You swear, but that doesn't make sense, because you end up making money every time you swear. So, so, but if you beat your mind and you put it, it's great.

• 1:07:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:07:00Jay Shetty?

  So you have to start learning the tricks of your mind.

• 1:07:03Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:03Jay Shetty?

  When and how does your mind fool you into making bad decisions?

• 1:07:08Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 1:07:09Jay Shetty?

  If you know that.

• 1:07:10Lewis Howes?

  When did it fool you the most that it was the hardest for you to overcome?

• 1:07:13Jay Shetty?

  Great question. I'd say the number one time that my mind has fooled me.

• 1:07:21Jay Shetty?

  The greatest temptation be like, ah, I wanna, my mind's gonna be me, but it hasn't. Or what, what took the longest for you to let go of something? The simplest answer that I can think of straight away is, is sugar, like I love chocolate and stuff, but that's not a good enough answer. Like, that, that's definitely true. Like from, from before being a monk to being a monk, it was like the last thing you're like, ah, can I really let go of this? Yeah, I think the biggest thing was, it's probably ego. Like it's wanting to, it's like walking into a room expecting respect, walking into a room expecting to be dealt in a certain way. Wow, to be like, get, like, treated. Treated with, you, you, you buy your own hype, right? You fall for the stuff like that. You still fall for this sometimes?

• 1:08:01Jay Shetty?

  I think we all do, yeah. I think, I think I'd be, I think I would be in ego if I didn't say I did, like, is, like ego, that's the trick of the ego. The ego makes you think you're untouchable. And the ego makes you think that you are, you know, that nothing about you can, can ever go wrong, or you're, you're perfect, or not even that, but. Nothing can bring you down, nothing can hurt you, nothing can. When, the moment you think you can't be brought down, you will be brought down. The moment you think that you can't, that one of my teachers would always pray that he never, and he's been a monk for forty years. He would always pray that he would never fall to his temptations. And we said to him, you haven't fallen to your temptation for forty years, why do you pray for that? He goes, I haven't fallen because I pray for it.

• 1:08:46Jay Shetty?

  Wow. Now, he was like, because I pray for it, because I'm aware. Not just because I think it's gonna, yeah. He's aware, and there's a beautiful story of, um, what's his name, Benjamin Franklin? Where he talks about, before he died, I believe he had thirteen or fourteen precepts. These were qualities that he wanted to. Live by. Live by and gain, so they're like simplicity, integrity, virtues, all these powerful things. And he was asked when he was on his deathbed, which was the one he didn't accomplish? And he said the last one, that was humility. And that's like the display of humility, like you can't think you're at humility. And then be humble, like that's not possible, it's an oxymoron.

• 1:09:23Lewis Howes?

  How do we stay humble with all, with greatness happening?

• 1:09:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:27Lewis Howes?

  You know, if you're achieving your dreams, you're making an impact, you're doing great stuff, how do you stay humble?

• 1:09:31Jay Shetty?

  I think the biggest one is surround yourself with people who are constantly better than you. And when I say better, I don't just mean materially. I mean, when I'm around my monk teachers, I just feel filthy.

• 1:09:40Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:09:41Jay Shetty?

  Like they're so pure, yeah, yeah, they're so pure. That it's such a mirror reflection, I'm around them, I'm like, whoa, I've got so much. Yeah, I've got so much like duh.

• 1:09:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Jay Shetty?

  And, and that's a good thing, like I love being around them and they don't say that to me, like they don't make me feel that way. It's just that you get a mirror, when you're around people who are transparent, you get a reflection of yourself, like, so I get that when I'm with them. So first thing is spend time with people who are more spiritually elevated and more conscious, because you get a reflection without them even saying it.

• 1:10:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Jay Shetty?

  The second thing is keep increasing your goalposts. Like, most of us are not, our goals should keep us humble, not other people's goals. We try and think other people's goals keep us humble, because we're looking at what people are doing. It's like your goalposts.

• 1:10:23Lewis Howes?

  Should never be achieving, or it should be bigger and bigger all the time.

• 1:10:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, bigger and bigger all the time. And then the third one is always thank the people who gave you the gift that is being recognized. Like, if you're being recognized for a gift, someone gave that to you somewhere.

• 1:10:41Lewis Howes?

  Thank your mentor, thank your monk teachers.

• 1:10:43Jay Shetty?

  Give it, give it back to them, because I think we forget that, like you start thinking you're self-made. And I don't think anyone's genuinely self-made, I just don't think that's true, because someone had to give you an interruption, an interaction, an exchange, a skill, a gift, an idea, whatever it was. So that's the second one, I think.

• 1:11:00Lewis Howes?

  Yep, and the third.

• 1:11:01Jay Shetty?

  And, and the third one, the third skill, these are really fun questions.

• 1:11:04Lewis Howes?

  The first one is have a conversation with yourself.

• 1:11:06Jay Shetty?

  Learn how to have a conversation. The second is know how your mind tricks you and be fully aware of it.

• 1:11:10Lewis Howes?

  And was humility a part of that or no?

• 1:11:11Jay Shetty?

  I would say that was just my personal example of what I think I can, I can struggle with sometimes.

• 1:11:16Lewis Howes?

  Okay, and the third skill that everyone should learn.

• 1:11:18Jay Shetty?

  The third skill everyone should learn.

• 1:11:22Jay Shetty?

  Is how to have difficult conversations with other people.

• 1:11:28Lewis Howes?

  So hard.

• 1:11:29Jay Shetty?

  Because I think that marriages are made of it, dating's made of it, friendships are made of it. I think sometimes we've had some difficult comments, like in the sense of I had to call you up and say something. And it's like, I think we're good at that with each other and that's why our friendship is strong. Cause I think we're honest with each other and I feel that you feel comfortable telling me stuff like. We've had email exchanges where you've, you've been honest with me and I've been honest with you.

• 1:11:50Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:11:50Jay Shetty?

  I'm like, I think that's good. Because I think when you don't have tough conversations with people, your, your relationships is just sit on the surface and they never go anywhere.

• 1:11:59Lewis Howes?

  And you learn about how deep the relationship is through the challenging conversations. You learn like, if you break up because of one bad conversation, whether a friendship or family member, whatever. If you like distance each other because you can't handle this hard conversation or a challenging one.

• 1:12:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Lewis Howes?

  Is the relationship strong?

• 1:12:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:17Lewis Howes?

  Do you want to be around this person more?

• 1:12:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19Lewis Howes?

  Or maybe you shouldn't be around this person.

• 1:12:20Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:12:21Lewis Howes?

  So I think you learn about each other and you learn about the relationship during that. I think that's a good one. So there's three good points. Relationships is something that you talk, is probably the most engaged points on Instagram and on your social media content, your videos. I'm assuming eighty percent of the biggest ones are around relationships. It's assumption, maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to be like it triggers people, relationship information. Why is it so hard to be in an intimate relationship? And this is a, a general question, but what's the best way to enter an intimate relationship? With the intention of it working out long-term?

• 1:13:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:02Lewis Howes?

  Why is it so hard to be in an intimate relationship? And what's the best way to enter one?

• 1:13:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Lewis Howes?

  With the intention of having a beautiful experience together long-term?

• 1:13:10Jay Shetty?

  I think it's so hard because.

• 1:13:14Jay Shetty?

  People don't know how they want to receive love and they don't know how to give love. And like we said earlier, that the old wisdom is, is like to love and be loved is the biggest need. But we don't know how to love and how to give love and we carry so much of our baggage from previous relationships and experiences and we bring them into a new person. So it's like that person treated me like that, that must mean all men or all women are like that. Which means now when I'm with this woman, I'm going to look at her through the lens of the last person that I was with.

• 1:13:46Lewis Howes?

  And look for them to, to, to create this experience again, right?

• 1:13:50Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 1:13:51Lewis Howes?

  Find evidence of why this person is this way.

• 1:13:54Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And so now you're approaching each person with the baggage of the last person, which doesn't make sense. You're not coming at it from a fresh, new experience with the same lessons for yourself. But we start applying the lessons to the other person. So I think that's the reason why we struggle to have an intimate connection. Now, one of the things I talk about in here are the, are the five types of attraction.

• 1:14:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:14:15Jay Shetty?

  And, and the reason why I think this is the best way to figure out.

• 1:14:17Lewis Howes?

  Attraction or love language?

• 1:14:18Jay Shetty?

  No, no, these are the five types of attraction that I talk about.

• 1:14:21Lewis Howes?

  Go ahead.

• 1:14:21Jay Shetty?

  So the five types of attraction are physical, financial, mental, emotional and spiritual. And I'll explain what I mean by all of them. So physical is obvious. She or he is hot.

• 1:14:32Lewis Howes?

  Attracted to them.

• 1:14:33Jay Shetty?

  I'm attracted to them. Financial or wealth, I like what they own, I like what they have, I like what they've achieved. I, I like that he went to Princeton or Harvard. I like that she's a scientist or a CEO. I like that she's a supermodel. Like you like their status, right? So you're attracted to that. The third thing that we're attracted to is people's mental abilities. This is like when you're attracted to someone's mind. Like you just love the way they think. You love the way they articulate themselves. You love all of that. Like you're attracted to that. The fourth is the emotional. This is when you're attracted to someone's emotional intelligence. You're like, oh, they're very caring. They're compassionate. They, they're supportive. They have these good traits.

• 1:15:16Jay Shetty?

  And the fifth and final one is spiritual. You're like, you're, you're connected to that person's values on a very deep level. Like what they really live by. Now notice the first three, I equate them to chemistry. And the last two I equate to compatibility. So the first three are chemistry and most of us get involved in a relationship based on the first three. But here's the issue, you can feel chemistry.

• 1:15:42Jay Shetty?

  Multiple times per day. You can feel it with the receptionist.

• 1:15:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:15:46Jay Shetty?

  You can feel it with your personal trainer. You can feel it with the barista at the coffee shop. You can feel it with the waiter or the waitress.

• 1:15:51Lewis Howes?

  Spark is.

• 1:15:52Jay Shetty?

  The spark, you can feel that anywhere. Like you can find someone attracted by one of those qualities every single day. And the challenge is we get into a relationship based on simply one of the first three.

• 1:16:04Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:05Jay Shetty?

  And there's nothing wrong with that as a starting point. It just can't be the end point. And so what we do is we keep convincing ourselves that the first three of chemistry is more powerful than the last two of compatibility. And we're letting chemistry do the heavy lifting.

• 1:16:21Lewis Howes?

  It can't.

• 1:16:21Jay Shetty?

  And it can't. We're making chemistry do the heavy lifting, the heavy work, the like pull a push and like, okay, like you, you just take care of this. That's why so many people rely on good sex to save a relationship.

• 1:16:32Lewis Howes?

  They'll always be in conflict.

• 1:16:34Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:16:34Lewis Howes?

  If the values and the compatibility are not there and you're relying on chemistry, there'll always be some conflict.

• 1:16:40Jay Shetty?

  Always.

• 1:16:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:41Jay Shetty?

  And, and chemistry really easily is those top three and which is good to have. So you should, but my point is.

• 1:16:45Lewis Howes?

  You need to have both.

• 1:16:46Jay Shetty?

  You need to have both. But you can't just say because I'm mentally attracted to how that person thinks, that's good marriage material.

• 1:16:53Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:53Jay Shetty?

  That's not good enough. You can't say because that, because some, we make broad generalizations. We say things like, oh, because he or she has a top degree from a top college or a business school and they're at a top company, they must be really kind, loving and organized. It's like, what? Like, how did you?

• 1:17:10Lewis Howes?

  Be a good parent, yeah.

• 1:17:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, must have been a good parent. How did you just draw that parallel? And so that's the way I would talk about entering a relationship is it can start with the first three, but don't let it end without the last two.

• 1:17:22Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, yeah, have the emotional and the spiritual, the values.

• 1:17:26Jay Shetty?

  Correct, that has to align for a real long lasting relationship.

• 1:17:29Lewis Howes?

  I, I feel like I could do this for another three hours.

• 1:17:31Jay Shetty?

  Me too, man.

• 1:17:31Lewis Howes?

  This is amazing.

• 1:17:32Jay Shetty?

  So good.

• 1:17:32Lewis Howes?

  I want to finish with one, uh, one thought about service. Because you live a life of service. I feel like my mission is to be of service to you.

• 1:17:40Jay Shetty?

  You are.

• 1:17:40Lewis Howes?

  In my business, in my relationships, with my friendships, it's all about service for me as well. And this is a, I think it's a quote from the Bhagavad Gita. Is that what it is?

• 1:17:48Jay Shetty?

  Which one is it?

• 1:17:49Lewis Howes?

  Plant trees.

• 1:17:50Jay Shetty?

  No, so this, this one is like a, a famous statement that we.

• 1:17:52Lewis Howes?

  It's a statement, gotcha.

• 1:17:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:53Lewis Howes?

  Where you say, plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit. I remember you told me that.

• 1:17:58Jay Shetty?

  This one's from the Bhagavad Gita, yeah.

• 1:17:59Lewis Howes?

  You told me that a couple of years ago and I remember that really blew my mind because. In business, when I started out, I think it was a lot of like, okay, let me do this for you and you do this for me. Let's do reciprocal type of stuff. I was in the online marketing world where it was about joint ventureships. It was about affiliate marketing and I'll do this and then you promote me, right? And then I started to shift it. When I got into the podcast seven years ago, I said, I'm just gonna bring on people I like and I'm just gonna serve. Comes around, cool. If not, cool. And it's, it's hard, I think, to switch that mentality, but it's so rewarding to come from a place of giving and service to literally wanting to see other people succeed, whether they help you or not in return.

• 1:18:43Lewis Howes?

  How do we get to that place of that mindset? When we're like, but I really need some help right now and I really want someone to support me in return and I don't wanna give all my energy to someone if they're never gonna give me anything in return. How do we balance that?

• 1:18:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, that's such a smart question because I think the challenge is that we become overly compassionate often to people in a certain way. So what I mean by that is being compassionate and being giving isn't about spending your whole day with one person who needs your attention and affection if your purpose is to do something different. So for example, you're putting out this podcast. You put out video content, you write books. This is serving lots of different people in lots of ways and you're not expecting, apart from the person buying the book and getting the value from it, you're not really expecting them to do anything for you, right? You're not asking them to come and champion for you if they don't want to. So you're already planting those seeds. You're already sharing in that way.

• 1:19:42Jay Shetty?

  And I think the mistake we make is when we are overly compassionate to one person and we're doing it expecting that they're gonna do something back, right? So the only way to-

• 1:19:52Lewis Howes?

  Don't be overly compassionate expecting something in return.

• 1:19:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, don't. Just, if you see yourself-

• 1:19:57Lewis Howes?

  Just don't do that if you're gonna-

• 1:19:58Jay Shetty?

  Just don't do that if you're gonna feel that. And that's okay. Like, that doesn't make you less compassionate. It doesn't make you a bad person. Like, if I don't want to, and I have rules about it. There are certain people in my life that I don't ask for favors. Because I don't ever wanna be in a position where I'm having to ask them because not that they wouldn't do it or whatever. I just don't wanna do that. It's just not who I am. And it's like, but that's fine. And there are certain people in my life that I won't give to because I know they're gonna keep asking for stuff. And so you have to protect yourself. And I think self-protection and being honest with yourself is the best way. So my favorite analogy in this is if someone's drowning in the ocean- If you're fit and healthy and you're a lifeguard, great, you can go and save them. But if you're not, you might need to call the real lifeguard to come and help them out. Right.

• 1:20:42Jay Shetty?

  And that's what real compassion is. Real compassion, if you can't help someone, if you're feeling toxic one day, you're feeling negative one day, you're feeling you're not really giving from your heart, it's better to introduce them to someone or find someone else who can help them than to go in there with all these toxic emotions and now you're expecting them to. Return the favor. Return the favor. It's better to not do it. If you're gonna do something in your heart of hearts, you're actually feeling bitter and regretting it, it's better not to do it because guess what, you weren't compassionate when you did it with that intention. Compassion's about intention. It's not about the result. Like, two people could give the same amount to charity. One person gives it for PR, one person gives it because they care about the kids. Who's happy? The person who gave it for the kids. Right. The person, both people's money had the same impact.

• 1:21:27Jay Shetty?

  But the intention is what defined what happened. So if you're begrudgingly going out there and helping someone and in your heart of hearts, you're like, oh, I can't believe they asked me, who are they? Like, I don't even like them. Like, they never helped me. And then you help them. That, guess what? That's not compassion. Yeah. Protect yourself. Deal with it. Deal with that toxic emotion. So I don't help people when I feel like that. And I give myself that, that space. You say no, or I'm busy or whatever. Yeah, I can't, well, I'll be honest with them. I'll say, I, in honest, in the best way that you can have. I don't think I can support you on this because I don't, I don't feel right about it. It doesn't make sense to me or whatever it is. It's not the right fit. It's not the right fit. And I think that's actually stopping yourself from being a people pleaser. Yes.

• 1:22:09Jay Shetty?

  Because we, we actually are not compassionate. We're just people pleasers. We actually just want people to think we're like magnanimous and amazing. So we'll go and go to every, you know, everything to support everyone, but it's like. We're resentful people pleasers. Exactly. Please, and then we're resentful that we'd had. Exactly. Didn't get what we wanted. And then now we wanna make them feel guilty for not doing it back. Of course. So I make a conscious effort to support the people I love. Yes. To, to make an effort with the people I love and do more there. And that's, that's fine. Your compassion doesn't, you don't have to be this overarching person who's like doing it for everyone. Like, that's, that's part of the journey. It's gonna take time to get there. Of course.

• 1:22:44Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate you, man. I love, I love our hangs. I love our time together. I love this. This is gonna blow people away. This is gonna inspire and impact a lot of people. I got one final question for you, but make sure you guys get this book. I'm telling you, this will be the book of the year. Go get it. Get a few copies for your friends. Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day. I rarely read books, but this is one I'm almost finished. And just going through the rest of this while I'm here, I'm like, this is unbelievable, everything. He's talking about the Monk Method, everything else. You wanna get it. There's gonna be one tool in here that's gonna change your life or support you. Go get this book. I highly recommend it. You can get it on Amazon. You can get it in stores. You can find it on your website,

• 1:23:25Lewis Howes?

  on your Instagram, on social media, Jay Shetty everywhere. Go follow him. Are you, what are you on Instagram? Are you I am?

• 1:23:33Jay Shetty?

  Jay Shetty.

• 1:23:33Lewis Howes?

  There used to be something else on Facebook.

• 1:23:35Jay Shetty?

  It used to be Jay Shetty I W.

• 1:23:37Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:23:37Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:38Lewis Howes?

  On Facebook, is it still that?

• 1:23:39Jay Shetty?

  And Twitter. I think it's still on Twitter.

• 1:23:41Lewis Howes?

  Okay, it's on Facebook. Just search Jay Shetty, you'll find him. And what else? How come else can we support you with this book right now? Is there something special if they get the book?

• 1:23:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so right now, for anyone who pre-orders, everyone's getting access to an exclusive workshop that I made, which are four steps to train your mind for peace and purpose every day. It's a video that we made just around the book, and you get these four incredible steps that you can practice, really simple, and some reflection exercises as well. And, and you know, my real-

• 1:24:08Lewis Howes?

  So where do they get the book and how do they get that?

• 1:24:10Jay Shetty?

  If you preorder the book from ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com, you get access to the workshop. It will be sent to you. And if you preorder the book from anywhere else, you can go to ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com, submit your order confirmation or number, and you'll still get it.

• 1:24:23Lewis Howes?

  So ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com to get the bonuses. And anything else, or where you're touring and what's happening in the future will be on there.

• 1:24:30Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah, everything's gonna be on that website. And I think the big thing for me, Louis, honestly, and I know you can relate to this, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, it's like, if my videos have impacted anyone in any way, like if they've had even the tiniest impact on your family member or a loved one, if my podcasts have like- Been useful to you, you know, it's like, I really encourage you to go and support me on this book. Like, I really appreciate the help because it's like, we've just been putting out so much content.

• 1:24:58Lewis Howes?

  Free.

• 1:24:58Jay Shetty?

  Free, like, three videos a week, two podcasts a week, like, we're creating all of this to serve and serve and serve. And this is one thing that I want you to have in your home.

• 1:25:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:06Jay Shetty?

  And, and I believe that it's my best work.

• 1:25:08Lewis Howes?

  It's unbelievable, man.

• 1:25:09Jay Shetty?

  So I really, yeah.

• 1:25:10Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing.

• 1:25:10Jay Shetty?

  I really appreciate it.

• 1:25:11Lewis Howes?

  Einstein, you quoted Einstein in here.

• 1:25:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:13Lewis Howes?

  Uh, at some point where it's like, something like, you don't master something until you learn to share it simply, or something like that.

• 1:25:19Jay Shetty?

  If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough.

• 1:25:22Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, and it's hard to train your mind for peace and purpose every day in a complex, chaotic, scarcity-minded world or environment at times. It's really hard to think, how do I find peace? How do I find happiness? How do I have a conversation with my mind? How do I not let my mind trick me? How do I stay in a neutral environment reaction when I want to react to everything? It's really complicated to do these things. But you break it down in such a simple, beautiful, easy way, where it doesn't overcomplicate, it simplifies. And I think that's why this is a, you're doing a disservice to yourself and the people that you love without, if you don't buy this and get this for your friends and family, I'm gonna get a bunch of copies and give them away.

• 1:26:07Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna have them here in the studio with people and hand them to people that come in. This is the book of the year, make sure you guys go get Think Like a Monk. It's going to really transform everything in your life and help you. Give it to a friend who might be struggling or just wants more peace. Doesn't matter, you don't have to be in so much pain, but if you just want more to life, get this as well.

• 1:26:25Jay Shetty?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:26:26Lewis Howes?

  Highly recommend it, thinklikeamunkbook.com. This is, um, I asked you the three truths question the last time, but I don't know if it's different or not now.

• 1:26:35Jay Shetty?

  I don't even remember what I said last time.

• 1:26:37Lewis Howes?

  I don't either, I'm gonna go look back at it and see what it was and compare the two. So, let's, you've learned a lot in the last two years, so would this be different? We'll see. But if this was your last day and you had to take all of your work with you, all this book, it had to go with you into the next world you go into, or wherever that is, and there's no more videos of Jay Shetty, no more content, no more Instagram, no more social media, and it all had to go away with you to the next place, what would be three lessons you would leave behind for us to live by?

• 1:27:05Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that's such a good question, man. It's like, that's like, oh, what a shame.

• 1:27:10Lewis Howes?

  Three lessons for us to live by, this is all you could share with the world.

• 1:27:15Jay Shetty?

  The first one I'd say is... You can't be anything you want, but you can be everything you are.

• 1:27:22Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 1:27:22Jay Shetty?

  The first day I shared that publicly was at the Summit of Greatness.

• 1:27:26Lewis Howes?

  That's right, I remember that.

• 1:27:27Jay Shetty?

  So when I gave the keynote at the Summit of Greatness, I I shared it that day because it was a reflection I'd had for a long time. But I think I'd have to say that because I think we get so lost trying to be everyone that we don't become anyone. And then we don't find the one that we're meant to be. And so I I'd say that's the first one. There's the second one that I'd say is, and this is, we know this through studies and science and everything. It's like just don't miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you. Like just don't, and I said it better than that somewhere, I can't find it right now, but I I mean that like just don't miss an opportunity. Like I was saying that with my mentor, I always told him I loved him, always. And now that I can't tell him anymore, I'm just glad I did tell him.

• 1:28:09Lewis Howes?

  You're not regretting it.

• 1:28:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, totally. So like, don't ever leave someone without, don't ever leave someone without telling them how much they mean to you, because you don't know when they'll leave.

• 1:28:21Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:28:22Jay Shetty?

  And and so like that is just like, never let your last interaction with someone, you know.

• 1:28:27Lewis Howes?

  Be a bad one, or be a missed opportunity to express love, or just generosity or kindness.

• 1:28:31Jay Shetty?

  Especially the people you love, right? Like you may have bad interactions with people you've once or twice or a business, but the people that are close to you and you love, the people you'll regret it with, don't, just don't. It's just not worth living with.

• 1:28:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. The only thing you'll be able to share left to the world, what is the final truth?

• 1:28:48Jay Shetty?

  Don't settle. Like just don't settle. You don't, you don't, just don't, don't think that you're at the peak of what you were meant to do. Because you probably don't know unless you try. And so for most people, I feel like just don't settle because I think we just give in too early and don't settle for service, right? It's like, that's the reason, that's the intention. It's like service is the one that's pulling you along. And so don't settle for service. The world needs service. The world needs your service. The world needs your genius. The world needs your passion. And you just don't know it yet.

• 1:29:20Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:29:20Jay Shetty?

  And and the day you realize it, you will be grateful that you went the whole way. As as I know, we like, I feel. I I look back and I'm just like, God, like, I would have just been sitting there, working in a corporate job and not known all the people I know now and connected with this amazing community and met you. I just wouldn't have had it.

• 1:29:37Lewis Howes?

  If you didn't go for it.

• 1:29:38Jay Shetty?

  If I didn't go for it, if I didn't, if I just settled that my service was this. So don't settle for service. Service deserves the best of you.

• 1:29:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man. Dude, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you. I love you. I love our friendship. I'm really grateful for the amount of attention to service you have in the world because your commitment to making content go viral, making the information that we all need to go viral is so profound and powerful. And you've been through so much in the last few years. Good challenges, opportunities, growth, different things. And I really admire how you continue to show up. How you continue to lean into the practice every morning of meditating, of doing your best. And you're not perfect. But you constantly show up with your best. And I acknowledge you for that, man. I'm grateful for you and our friendship.

• 1:30:25Jay Shetty?

  Me too, man. I want to say too, everyone who's listening to Lewis, and I know you've all loved him for many years, but it's just like you've just, you've been the same since we became friends. And I I my rule for friendship is I trust consistency. So I don't like people who change with the times. Or I don't vibe. Those people don't survive around me for long amounts of time.

• 1:30:45Lewis Howes?

  Hopefully I grow and get better, but yeah.

• 1:30:47Jay Shetty?

  No, you grow and get better. I mean, like, the relationship and the the connection, the friendship, the the kindness has stayed the same.

• 1:30:54Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:30:54Jay Shetty?

  It's never dwindled in tough times for me. It's never become more in successful times for me. It's it's you've always been the same in that way. And those, I think, are positive, powerful friendship traits when someone is continuing to love, continuing to show up, continue to be kind to you, no matter what you're going through, you know, and that that you really, yeah.

• 1:31:14Lewis Howes?

  You learn a lot about someone on how they don't show up for you when you're going through a challenging times.

• 1:31:19Jay Shetty?

  That's why challenges are the best.

• 1:31:21Lewis Howes?

  And you learn a lot about someone when they only reach out to you when they see you succeed. And so make sure you're always showing up for people consistently either way. Good or bad, high or low, whatever it may be, be consistent like that, like that quarterback in the game. Just be consistent.

• 1:31:38Jay Shetty?

  And if you're going through a tough time, the best lesson you learn from a tough time is who really cares?

• 1:31:43Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man.

• 1:31:44Jay Shetty?

  And so it's a good, and it just lets you drop, like everything drops and you just know.

• 1:31:48Lewis Howes?

  You purge friendships.

• 1:31:49Jay Shetty?

  It's the best.

• 1:31:50Lewis Howes?

  It's the worst and the best. You gotta find the meaning in the challenges and that's where you find the meaning.

• 1:31:55Jay Shetty?

  That's it.

• 1:31:56Lewis Howes?

  Jay Shetty, my man.

• 1:31:57Jay Shetty?

  Love it, man. Thank you so much for it.

• 1:32:02Lewis Howes?

  I am so happy that Jay came on today to share his wisdom, to break down, to open up, to get real and reveal as much possible to give you as much inspiration and actionable steps to help you improve your life and take things to the next level. If you found this helpful in any way, make sure to share this with one friend today. You have the power to change someone's life, truly transform people's lives just by sending them a text message with the link lewishouse.com/953. Or you can just copy and paste the link on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and just text a friend right now. Someone that you want to see succeed in your life, someone that you want to see grow even more, shoot them a text and say, hey, check out this episode, let me know the biggest

• 1:32:47Lewis Howes?

  takeaway for you and let's talk about it. The best way to impact someone's life is to spread goodness and greatness into their life. And if this is your first time here or a friend sent you, make sure to send them a text back thanking them for sending you along this episode. Please subscribe to us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and anywhere that you listen to podcasts and leave us a review. We'd love to hear from you on how this impacted your day in this moment of your life. And make sure to follow me at Lewis Howes and Jay Shetty over on Instagram. Take a screenshot of this, post it on your Instagram story. I try to respond as many people as possible over there and I'm sure Jay would love to see your thoughts about this episode over on his Instagram story as well. And here at the School of Greatness Podcast, we're giving you the tools to help you train

• 1:33:32Lewis Howes?

  your mind for peace and purpose every day like Jay shared with us today, but also how to achieve greatness on all areas of your life, on your business, your career, your finances, your health, your relationships, your past, your future, your identity, everything you can think of. We've got it here on the School of Greatness podcast. And I acknowledge you for showing up today, for taking care of your own internal health, for taking care of your mindset, and continuing to grow your life. Again, the quote at the beginning, the anonymous quote was, "The goal of meditation isn't to control your thoughts, it's to stop letting them control you." There are certain ideas in the world that might be controlling your thoughts right now, that might be influencing your thoughts to do something negative, to think in a poor

• 1:34:17Lewis Howes?

  way, to think in a scarce way, a competitive way, as opposed to an abundance way, a loving way, a collaboration way, a growth way. And for you showing up here, for you taking control of your life, for taking the time to learn something new, to apply this to your life, is what's going to make all the difference for you moving forward. And I'm so grateful that you're here. And if someone hasn't told you lately, you matter. I love you. I'm so grateful for you. And you know what time it is? It's time to go out there and do something great.