The Lindsey Graham Tribute: A Matrix Sister’s Surprise | FILE_10 | Mystery Boys

Duncan Trussell is touring all over! Check out his tour dates at http://duncantrussell.com/tour Kurt Metzger has hit the road as well! You can find his tour dates at https://seatgeek.com/kurt-metzger-tickets SPONSORS: If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://nocd.com Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell. This week, the boys investigate Arabic inbred goats, the hottest hip hop on Earth, Chet Hanks' White Boy Summer prophecy, and the uncanny synchronicities surrounding Joe DeRosa. The mystery deepens as they attempt to remote view Joe DeRosa's paternity, compare psychic findings to previous investigations, and uncover startling connections involving the Matrix Sisters. The investigation continues into the Rogansphere, a brand-new Mystery Boys album, Lindsey Graham lore, Buster's BDSM philosophy, and increasingly unhinged remote-viewing sessions that somehow produce more questions than answers. As always, Kurt and Duncan connect dots that probably were never meant to be connected. This is not a conspiracy podcast. This is a mystery appreciation podcast. Mystery Boys File_010 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussellhttps://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedyhttps://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcasthttps://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:09:14 - Arabic Inbred Goats 00:14:22 - The Hottest Hip Hop 00:19:35 - Chet Hanks: White Boy Summer 00:29:50 - The Synchronicities Of Joe DeRosa 00:48:47 - The Matrix Sisters 00:57:19 - Remote Viewing To Solve Joe DeRosa's Paternity Case 01:12:45 - Mystery Boys New Album Release 01:16:25 - Buster's BDSM Lesson 01:30:01 - Reviewing The Mystery Boys Album pt. 2 01:34:20 - Remote Viewing The Matrix Sister's Dongs 01:49:42 - The Matrix Sisters Again Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, welcome to the Mystery Boys.

• 0:24Duncan Trussell?

  Welcome back.

• 0:25Kurt Metzger?

  My name is James Tiberius Karp, and with me as always is my-

• 0:30Duncan Trussell?

  River Carp.

• 0:33Kurt Metzger?

  River Carp. Uh, yeah, we've been, uh, well, fresh off solving another mystery. We think. We will get to it.

• 0:41Duncan Trussell?

  We will get to it. It's mind blowing, and it's proof of God's existence.

• 0:46Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I'll spoil for you. It's just, uh, when your baby's born. That's it.

• 0:53Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 0:54Kurt Metzger?

  You have a kid, you're like, "Oh, God is real."

• 0:55Duncan Trussell?

  God is real.

• 0:56Kurt Metzger?

  That's it. Looking at the eyes of a child. Uh, first I want to start with some positive, because you know, as you know, a friend of the show. Friend of the show-

• 1:06Duncan Trussell?

  God, this is wonderful. I didn't know this happened.

• 1:08Kurt Metzger?

  Lindsey Graham is, uh, gone.

• 1:10Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's heartbreaking and incredibly sad for a great defender of war and someone who wasn't afraid to say that killing people is the best way to achieve-

• 1:22Kurt Metzger?

  He wasn't a rich man from that. Also, he died with like, he had like only like a million dollars.

• 1:26Duncan Trussell?

  Only a million. Basically a pauper.

• 1:29Kurt Metzger?

  He just like really genuinely loved, uh, see, uh, wars.

• 1:34Duncan Trussell?

  He loved war. He loved bombs-

• 1:36Kurt Metzger?

  You know?

• 1:37Duncan Trussell?

  And he loved drones, and I guess it's fitting that he, his last moments were spent in a place he loved, a Ukrainian drone factory.

• 1:44Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, tragically was struck with a drone strike to the taint.

• 1:48Duncan Trussell?

  That's what they're saying.

• 1:49Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, right in the ladybugs, they got him.

• 1:51Duncan Trussell?

  Got him right in the taint.

• 1:52Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, but I just want to, let's just start with this inspirational message that I saw in my feed for some reason. Am I a boomer? Look at, okay, put that photo back up so we can start on the right foot here. Because you know, it's always bad news all day, right? And then, and then this pops up in my YouTube's.

• 2:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, this is great. Tom, yeah, Tom Hanks' son says he found peace after placing his faith in God.

• 2:14Kurt Metzger?

  That's Chet Hayes.

• 2:15Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 2:15Kurt Metzger?

  His troubled, rapping son.

• 2:17Duncan Trussell?

  Look at this. This is so good. You could turn it around, folks. "When I truly let go and I'm like, you know what? Fuck all that. I gotta just enjoy the simple shit and trust God. That's when shit started happening."

• 2:30Kurt Metzger?

  Chet Hanks.

• 2:31Duncan Trussell?

  Huh.

• 2:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and he's going back to the, uh, the Caucasian spelling of his name. Uh, look at his dad there. He's like, "I didn't think the kid would do it," but, uh...

• 2:40Duncan Trussell?

  Wow. Look at that proud papa.

• 2:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he was sure he would be reinered out.

• 2:44Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 2:45Kurt Metzger?

  But, uh...

• 2:46Duncan Trussell?

  That's beautiful. Speaking, you know what? Speaking of celebrity sons,

• 2:50Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:51Duncan Trussell?

  this gives me hope.

• 2:52Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-huh.

• 2:53Duncan Trussell?

  I sent you a clip

• 2:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 2:55Duncan Trussell?

  of a celebrity son.

• 2:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 2:57Duncan Trussell?

  You all know him from the Goonies, Corey Feldman, but you might not know about Corey Feldman's son.

• 3:03Kurt Metzger?

  He's a favorite son's son.

• 3:06Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 3:06Kurt Metzger?

  Like he's the son of a great son.

• 3:08Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, a son's son. And he's also a musician.

• 3:13Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of guys like to trash Corey Feldman, you know, like my friend Big Jay, Big Jason.

• 3:17Duncan Trussell?

  He trashes Corey Feldman?

• 3:19Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God, they have a whole thing. Jerry O'Connell went on, uh, Bonfire and tried to get Corey Feldman to talk because Jay really went at him and, um, bullied him a little bit, I'm afraid.

• 3:28Duncan Trussell?

  That is like really...

• 3:29Kurt Metzger?

  I feel like Big Jason bullied Corey Feldman.

• 3:31Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 3:32Kurt Metzger?

  I'll be damned if that's gonna happen to his son.

• 3:34Duncan Trussell?

  No way.

• 3:34Kurt Metzger?

  We're not gonna have some other...

• 3:35Duncan Trussell?

  You know what? I don't even wanna show this if it could lead to anything like that.

• 3:38Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's why we're showing it in this environment because I don't want you kids seeing this on the street.

• 3:42Duncan Trussell?

  I thought this song is great. Let's just pull this up. I'll send you this link real quick.

• 3:46Kurt Metzger?

  You said to me last night, and I have to tell you, I was really grateful to get it.

• 3:49Duncan Trussell?

  I thought it was great music.

• 3:51Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, shit. Jen is buying knives.

• 3:53Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 3:55Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know because they got some cool ones. Hey, buy me a, a cool knife. Nice.

• 4:00Duncan Trussell?

  Where? Where is she?

• 4:02Kurt Metzger?

  She's with her parents at some, uh, uh, but look at this fucking knife, dude.

• 4:06Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit.

• 4:07Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're getting that. Yo, that, yo.

• 4:11Duncan Trussell?

  Let me see, let me see. How much are those knives?

• 4:14Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, how much are they? Hold on, we're buying knives now. I didn't know.

• 4:18Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, hell, yeah. Those are some cool fucking knives. Look at those. Gutten knives.

• 4:24Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, no, I'm yeah, I got.

• 4:25Duncan Trussell?

  Ooh.

• 4:26Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I'll tell you what my everyday knife carry is.

• 4:29Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 4:31Kurt Metzger?

  As a ship's captain.

• 4:34Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. You know, it's perfectly legal to have these in the state of Texas.

• 4:38Duncan Trussell?

  To have knives?

• 4:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, you have guns in your fanny pack here.

• 4:41Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I don't have my, my Texas, uh, driver's license, so it's, I can only, like, if someone broke in the house, I can shoot them with Jenna's gun, but it's not my.

• 4:50Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 4:51Kurt Metzger?

  I have to go get my license and then I can be like, it's mine.

• 4:53Duncan Trussell?

  Show them your license before you, wow.

• 4:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, you got a fucking switchblade in this town.

• 4:57Duncan Trussell?

  Damn.

• 4:58Kurt Metzger?

  I know.

• 4:59Duncan Trussell?

  Retract it.

• 5:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's hard to work. I might have cut myself very badly.

• 5:02Duncan Trussell?

  How do you retract it? He did not.

• 5:05Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I, because, so we have all this bamboo in my yard, so I bought a machete to go, because I want to see if I can whack it down.

• 5:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 5:10Kurt Metzger?

  And I cut myself opening the machete package.

• 5:12Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you'll fuck yourself up on a machete.

• 5:14Kurt Metzger?

  No, don't play with machetes. They're not a toy.

• 5:16Duncan Trussell?

  Devil's hair.

• 5:17Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Tanner and Carly. Who else is there? There's Gambit in the back there. Don't play with that. Okay, let's see. They're a buck fifty each. They're handmade in Pakistan.

• 5:30Duncan Trussell?

  A buck fifty?

• 5:31Kurt Metzger?

  They're Damascus blades. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 5:34Duncan Trussell?

  How are they a buck, you mean a hundred and fifty?

• 5:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 5:36Duncan Trussell?

  Oh.

• 5:37Kurt Metzger?

  No, not a dollar fifty. Yo.

• 5:40Duncan Trussell?

  Let me see.

• 5:42Kurt Metzger?

  Look, dude, look how cool those are.

• 5:43Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, they're beautiful.

• 5:44Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 5:45Duncan Trussell?

  Those are beautiful knives. Delicate, erotic, sensual knives.

• 5:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, that's a fucking punch knife, dude.

• 5:52Duncan Trussell?

  Just what we need.

• 5:56Duncan Trussell?

  Just what I need around the house with four kids. A punch blade.

• 6:00Kurt Metzger?

  Goddamn right. Oh, look at this little ivory handled one.

• 6:04Duncan Trussell?

  Let me take a look.

• 6:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, ivory.

• 6:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 6:11Duncan Trussell?

  Can I give you a little relationship tip?

• 6:13Kurt Metzger?

  What's that?

• 6:13Duncan Trussell?

  Ask her to inscribe her name on it.

• 6:16Kurt Metzger?

  On the knife?

• 6:17Duncan Trussell?

  For you, yeah.

• 6:18Kurt Metzger?

  What, in case I gotta do a murder-suicide again?

• 6:20Duncan Trussell?

  You got it. Again.

• 6:26Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you want, you want any of them? It's a buck fifty.

• 6:29Duncan Trussell?

  No, I don't want, I've, I've got, I've got plenty of knives. Let me just leave it at that. I've got a incredible knife collection.

• 6:36Kurt Metzger?

  She's already doing it. Okay.

• 6:38Duncan Trussell?

  Deadly blades.

• 6:40Kurt Metzger?

  God damn, that was cool as hell, man. Did now, do we have?

• 6:43Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, they want one. Someone in the booth wants one.

• 6:45Kurt Metzger?

  A knife?

• 6:46Duncan Trussell?

  You want a Damascus blade? Can you handle it? You never held one before? You don't even know what that's like?

• 6:51Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I, look.

• 6:53Duncan Trussell?

  The power of a Damascus blade.

• 6:55Kurt Metzger?

  I'm an old Navy man, so I'm, I know my way.

• 6:57Duncan Trussell?

  It will slice through a watermelon.

• 7:00Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, that's pretty basic shit for a knife.

• 7:02Duncan Trussell?

  Well, not, not for a lot of knives. You get a domestic blade.

• 7:06Kurt Metzger?

  A domestic? Oh, these aren't Damascus. They're domestic.

• 7:11Duncan Trussell?

  Domestic blade, domestic blade will cut a watermelon in half. Just like that.

• 7:17Kurt Metzger?

  Now, let's, uh.

• 7:19Duncan Trussell?

  Slice it up for a summer barbecue.

• 7:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, here, oh, whoop, here, while I find yours, we'll put this on for inspiration for people.

• 7:29Duncan Trussell?

  Saul on the road to Damascus. Met Jesus Christ, and that's where the Damascus blade came from.

• 7:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, that, yes, okay.

• 7:38Duncan Trussell?

  Christ wept, and that, his tears turned into steel.

• 7:42Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know, we should have a, um, home shop-y kind of thing.

• 7:45Duncan Trussell?

  That's a Damascus, that's a Damascus goat. Fuck that thing. Look at that, dude.

• 7:53Kurt Metzger?

  The fuck is that?

• 7:54Duncan Trussell?

  That's a Damascus, right there's a Damascus goat. That thing will chew your balls off.

• 7:58Kurt Metzger?

  Where, what did you send me?

• 7:59Duncan Trussell?

  And won't stop at the balls.

• 8:01Kurt Metzger?

  Here's, I got your devil fucking doo-wop band here. What, what, what am I looking for?

• 8:07Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that thing. Whitley, that, that, that alien was based on that fucking, that thing will chew, they chew up into your balls and keep going.

• 8:15Kurt Metzger?

  That's like a Star Wars monster. That's like, that's a fucking.

• 8:20Duncan Trussell?

  It should not exist.

• 8:21Kurt Metzger?

  What it, what the fuck?

• 8:24Duncan Trussell?

  They seem to know they shouldn't exist.

• 8:26Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god, if I had my knife, I'd attack this fucking screen.

• 8:29Duncan Trussell?

  That's why they made the Damascus blade.

• 8:31Kurt Metzger?

  I would whip it with the force of a bullet.

• 8:32Duncan Trussell?

  Once you get one of those things chewing on your balls, the only thing that'll stop it is a Damascus steel.

• 8:37Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck is that thing? Oh, okay, those are ears. I honestly got, though, it was its, like, legs, and it was like, you know, like it was trying to beef up on me?

• 8:47Duncan Trussell?

  Damascus goat, nothing more evil.

• 8:49Kurt Metzger?

  Don't get, what am I looking for?

• 8:51Duncan Trussell?

  Shriek of a Damascus goat at night.

• 8:55Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah, it's um Corey Feldman's son's uh live performance, but we don't need to play that. I feel like it's

• 9:02Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I would like to hear it.

• 9:03Duncan Trussell?

  I don't wanna rain hell on this poor kid.

• 9:05Kurt Metzger?

  Rain hell? He's gonna be the biggest fucking-

• 9:08Duncan Trussell?

  You're right. They could blow him up. What am I saying?

• 9:10Kurt Metzger?

  He's not a goat. His son is not a goat. He's a human boy.

• 9:12Duncan Trussell?

  Look at this. What have you done to me? Why do I exist? There is no God. Look at me! Look at me if you worship some creator!

• 9:23Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean uh-

• 9:26Duncan Trussell?

  Look at my ears! Look at my ears before you pray!

• 9:30Kurt Metzger?

  They GMO'd these goats.

• 9:31Duncan Trussell?

  Nah, they didn't.

• 9:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they did.

• 9:33Duncan Trussell?

  You think so?

• 9:34Kurt Metzger?

  Look, I'm saying it right here. Let's see. How'd they end up so peculiar? Were they bred? Were they inbred?

• 9:38Duncan Trussell?

  It comes down to selective breeding.

• 9:40Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so God, God didn't do this. Some other equally inbred Arab did this.

• 9:45Duncan Trussell?

  Oh God!

• 9:49Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, what do you want me to say? It's what it is what it is. Not just the Arabs doing it. Don't forget the King- By the way, they're all of the- I wanna point this out. All Pakistan inbreeding, of which we've heard quite a lot.

• 10:02Duncan Trussell?

  A lot.

• 10:02Kurt Metzger?

  They're all less inbred than King Charles. His cosanguinity level, they're all- if you look under a microscope-

• 10:10Duncan Trussell?

  That's true.

• 10:10Kurt Metzger?

  At his cosanguinity, it's called?

• 10:12Duncan Trussell?

  Cosanguinity.

• 10:13Kurt Metzger?

  You would just see little banjos in his blood.

• 10:18Duncan Trussell?

  You don't have to find that. They won't need to do that to this poor kid. Corey Feldman-

• 10:22Kurt Metzger?

  Here we go. I got it. I got it right here. Don't worry. Guys, don't worry. I got it. Okay Tanner, this is going right to you. I don't know. You can't tease people with it.

• 10:33Duncan Trussell?

  Just be sweet to him, y'all. Please.

• 10:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, these knives are made by a Vietnam vet.

• 10:37Duncan Trussell?

  Are you serious?

• 10:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. She got two. You don't want one, so I-

• 10:41Duncan Trussell?

  Hello, hello!

• 10:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh yeah, go ahead and hit that.

• 10:44Duncan Trussell?

  Hello, hello!

• 10:45Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, is this what you're into? Go ahead, hit it. Is this the kinda thing-

• 10:49Duncan Trussell?

  Can we listen to it? What's going on here?

• 10:50Kurt Metzger?

  Is this what you-

• 10:51Speaker 02

  You sent me this.

• 10:53Duncan Trussell?

  That's what you sent me.

• 10:54Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I wanna know if you looked at it.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Nah, I don't like that.

• 10:57Duncan Trussell?

  Can we turn the sound off? On?

• 10:59Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I'd like to hear the great-

• 11:04Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, great job. Let's uh...

• 11:06Duncan Trussell?

  Can we play it one more time?

• 11:07Kurt Metzger?

  Can you imagine just walking in and...

• 11:09Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god.

• 11:10Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's why you're... That's like using a one wish willow was all...

• 11:13Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah, one wish willow will get you that. Bouncing on your face.

• 11:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my...

• 11:19Duncan Trussell?

  Beautiful lady.

• 11:20Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, it's me, Carpet Doug. You can see me doing stand-up comedy under my stage name of Kurt Mepsker. August 1st, I'm gonna be in Hyenas in Fort Worth and then Dallas. That's pretty cool, right?

• 11:32Duncan Trussell?

  Hell yeah!

• 11:34Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna be at SideSplitters in Tampa.

• 11:36Duncan Trussell?

  Hell yeah!

• 11:37Kurt Metzger?

  August 7th and 8th. And then I've got, uh, August 20th, 21st, and 22nd. Gainesville, St. Augustine, and, uh, Orlando. Watch you see old Carpet Doug tell you a joke or two. Go to kurtmepskercomedy.com. Please, come on out and see my show. I didn't prepare an act, no. But I just wanna be with you. And hey, great, leave the kids at home.

• 11:58Duncan Trussell?

  What's up, internet fam? Milkman here. Mercury might be out of retrograde, but I'm not out of jokes. Come see me at the Milwaukee Improv in Brookfield. July 23rd, July 24th, July 25th. I want you to spend an evening with the Milkman. After that, you can come see me in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I'll be fresh off a family vacation, ready to fuck. At Hyenas Comedy Nightclub, August 14th and 15th. That's only two days, so get them tickets while they're cold, like cold milk. September 4th...

• 12:41Kurt Metzger?

  Like jizz on the back of your legs at a Dollar Tree?

• 12:45Duncan Trussell?

  Like a spray of cold jizz, that's my milk. Now, for all you Seattle Antifa, come on out. September 4th and 5th, and maybe the 6th, I'm not sure. Can you scroll down a little bit? Oh yeah, bonus day, I'll be there on the 6th at the Emerald City Comedy Club.

• 13:06Kurt Metzger?

  Are you from the Chaz? Well, come give me some ass.

• 13:09Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, that's a good one, Carpet Doug. Ha ha ha!

• 13:12Kurt Metzger?

  I will be there, I have my own shows.

• 13:14Duncan Trussell?

  And then, why don't you take a plane from Seattle over to Dallas, Texas? To the Hyenas Comedy Night Club where the Milkman will be doing jokes on September 18th and 19th.

• 13:27Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 13:27Duncan Trussell?

  I hope to see you there. Hey, come spend an evening with me and don't forget to come on out to Fort Worth on September the 19th, too. I'm looking forward to seeing you and I want to kiss your mouth. I want to smell your feet and your butt.

• 13:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, can I just add to that? Uh, and I'll be at Hyenas as well, uh, July 31st and August 1st. And Mercury, Mercury may be out of retrograde, but I won't be out of jokes.

• 13:51Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, Mercury is out of retrograde, but the old Milkman, he's got a truckload of jokes. Bringing them your way.

• 14:01Kurt Metzger?

  And donkey penises, but they keep that between us.

• 14:04Duncan Trussell?

  Us. See you this weekend, Milwaukee.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side, but Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 14:38Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's a good pal.

• 14:39Duncan Trussell?

  In a gazebo. Is that a real gazebo or is she on a green screen?

• 14:43Kurt Metzger?

  And now let's hear some of the hottest, uh...

• 14:47Duncan Trussell?

  Soon to be.

• 14:48Kurt Metzger?

  Soon to be hip hop. Uh, you know, now Corey Feldman was a Michael Jackson guy.

• 14:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I knew that. Of course.

• 14:54Kurt Metzger?

  And this, his son has his own, has his own influences.

• 14:59Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I mean, for sure.

• 15:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let's look at that one and, and I think, uh...

• 15:03Duncan Trussell?

  Pull it up.

• 15:04Kurt Metzger?

  I think it's gonna be really, you know, there's all these people, oh, I'm gonna have a channel where I talk about how Corey Feldman sucks. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let somebody else do that with his boy.

• 15:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, no, don't do that.

• 15:14Kurt Metzger?

  That's why we're showing it here.

• 15:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, please don't. This is not for negativity. This is for spreading light, joy and love into the universe.

• 15:21Kurt Metzger?

  Love and light, all that devil shit.

• 15:23Duncan Trussell?

  It's, it's not the light, the light is the devil?

• 15:26Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, light and love.

• 15:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, light and love. He's joking. He doesn't mean it. Spread love and...

• 15:32Kurt Metzger?

  Love and light, I'm sorry, the term.

• 15:33Duncan Trussell?

  It's love and light. Actually, love, light follows love.

• 15:36Kurt Metzger?

  Love and light, I know. Like, if you, let's say, love to, and then eat children.

• 15:42Duncan Trussell?

  Well, why would you think that?

• 15:44Kurt Metzger?

  Not you, I'm just saying that's the people who made that. That's what they love.

• 15:47Duncan Trussell?

  Love and light?

• 15:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's, uh, Anne Bailey.

• 15:51Duncan Trussell?

  I think of the beach when I think of love and light. You think about eating him. And kids.

• 15:55Kurt Metzger?

  Because the term is theosophy. It's they're Luciferian, they're Lucius trust.

• 15:59Duncan Trussell?

  I think of watching a beautiful sunrise with someone I love. You think about cannibalizing.

• 16:04Kurt Metzger?

  The light bringer, Lucifer the light bringer, Venus only brings light half the year. It brings darkness the other half of the year.

• 16:11Duncan Trussell?

  I think of a cozy lamp. On a rainy day.

• 16:15Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well.

• 16:16Duncan Trussell?

  You think about eating a child's asshole.

• 16:19Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm not cuddling up to lamps. I don't even know what that meant. You lamp fucker?

• 16:24Duncan Trussell?

  No, but I cuddle with them.

• 16:25Kurt Metzger?

  Where's this great Corey Feldman's sun song?

• 16:29Duncan Trussell?

  I am not a lamp fucker. Let me just get that out there right away.

• 16:33Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 16:34Duncan Trussell?

  Don't start rumors.

• 16:35Kurt Metzger?

  That was one of my Discovery Channel pitches, lamp fuckers?

• 16:38Duncan Trussell?

  I do not fuck lamps.

• 16:40Kurt Metzger?

  We go all across America. We go, here you got a really nice lamp. Can we fuck it?

• 16:43Duncan Trussell?

  I do not. I like the feeling of a good cozy lamp in bed with me though.

• 16:47Kurt Metzger?

  It's like American Pickers, but we fuck the stuff.

• 16:52Kurt Metzger?

  Remember when they had a fight on?

• 16:53Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think you sent it to, why do we keep lamps? Why do we put lamps on the bedside table when you could put them in bed with you? That's all. It doesn't mean you have to fuck it.

• 17:02Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's what, you know, that's what I say to the lamp, but then, you know.

• 17:06Duncan Trussell?

  They are seductive.

• 17:09Kurt Metzger?

  Come on. Yeah, I did. I texted it to Tanner, to the Tan Man. Here, wait, I'll put it in an email form. Let me put it, which, what's email again?

• 17:21Speaker 02

  It's, uh.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Dot com.

• 17:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, sorry, sorry to make you dox yourself, yourself, Tanner.

• 17:31Kurt Metzger?

  Amiglio, oh, what is that?

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Filipino.

• 17:35Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's what I thought. Is this a Filipino boy? Army brand? What?

• 17:40Duncan Trussell?

  Amiglio, did you say?

• 17:42Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, uh, okay. Did you get that one?

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:45Kurt Metzger?

  Nice. Cause I think we should put this up against Chet Hayes, to be quite honest.

• 17:49Duncan Trussell?

  Well, that was the idea. It's like, look at, like, you know, celebrity sons.

• 17:58Kurt Metzger?

  I like this screen that says talking points and it's blank.

• 18:01Duncan Trussell?

  It's really, it's really ominous.

• 18:04Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let's make this nice and big. Now, here's the rules. Whenever anyone here says stop, we have to stop.

• 18:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, yes.

• 18:14Kurt Metzger?

  Do we have a safe word?

• 18:16Duncan Trussell?

  Amaglio.

• 18:19Kurt Metzger?

  Amaglio, okay, okay, let's hit it.

• 18:32Kurt Metzger?

  Turn it up.

• 18:41Kurt Metzger?

  Kemmit.

• 18:46Kurt Metzger?

  This baby yo rehearsal.

• 18:51Duncan Trussell?

  Earth is massive.

• 18:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Miglio, I can't, I can't.

• 18:59Duncan Trussell?

  Amiglio, yeah, Migliot.

• 19:02Kurt Metzger?

  I had Miglio first on that one.

• 19:03Duncan Trussell?

  Look, who?

• 19:04Kurt Metzger?

  I said you turn it up, but then I heard the words to the rap.

• 19:07Duncan Trussell?

  I do feel like, you know, for all those out there who say like, you shouldn't raise kids in Hollywood. This should show you that's bullshit. Like you, it's a perfect place for children.

• 19:16Kurt Metzger?

  That's why you moved to hold your kids back a little bit because they're shooting off too much like a rocket.

• 19:19Duncan Trussell?

  I'll be honest, it's that thing, man. I didn't want them to surpass me.

• 19:25Kurt Metzger?

  Boy.

• 19:27Kurt Metzger?

  I get that, man.

• 19:28Duncan Trussell?

  You know what I mean?

• 19:29Kurt Metzger?

  The thing with these kids is that they're what, they're there to replace you? Fuck that shit. We're moving to Austin, Texas, where you are never going to get an education of any kind.

• 19:38Duncan Trussell?

  No, you're never going to learn about the Egyptian gods.

• 19:41Kurt Metzger?

  And Kemmit.

• 19:42Duncan Trussell?

  You'll never know about Kemmit.

• 19:44Kurt Metzger?

  That means black like the earth.

• 19:46Duncan Trussell?

  Which is massive.

• 19:48Kurt Metzger?

  And he's, the Feldman boys right to bring it up.

• 19:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, of course, why not?

• 19:52Kurt Metzger?

  Now let's see some Chet Hayes, because I remember White Boy Summer being a viral hit.

• 19:59Duncan Trussell?

  It would, dude.

• 20:00Kurt Metzger?

  It was the rad boy summer of its time.

• 20:02Duncan Trussell?

  It blew up.

• 20:03Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 20:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Finding Freedom. Who the fuck is Joel Madden? Oh, of, oh my God, of Good Charlotte.

• 20:15Kurt Metzger?

  Joel and Benji Madden. Joel and Benji. Okay, let's hear Chet Hanks. Let's just hear some of the wisdom of Chet Hanks. Oh, here we go.

• 20:30Kurt Metzger?

  You know, have you seen the crack amico?

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Like needing to do a bunch of crazy.

• 20:35Speaker 05

  Like, no, I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I'm just gonna stay over here.

• 20:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  It takes us all a different path.

• 20:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, he's wearing biker vests.

• 20:43Speaker 05

  Some people never get there. Some people just get lost in the sauce and they never come back.

• 20:47Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 20:48Speaker 05

  God bless them. But, uh, growing up out here has probably been, uh, in one way, I think it could make you crazy. It could be confusing. And in another way, it could be a great teacher. You could see all those lessons playing out in front of you and you could be like.

• 21:01Duncan Trussell?

  Great teacher.

• 21:02Kurt Metzger?

  Rick Ryan was saying that to me.

• 21:04Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Really, I realized.

• 21:09Kurt Metzger?

  He's a real great teacher. What's plant medicine? Uh, now you talk.

• 21:15Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, he did. He did a bogey.

• 21:17Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 21:18Kurt Metzger?

  So he had a heroin problem.

• 21:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's probably true.

• 21:21Kurt Metzger?

  Some kind of opiate problem. Is that what that is?

• 21:23Duncan Trussell?

  That's what that is. It does get you off of that stuff.

• 21:25Kurt Metzger?

  But how?

• 21:27Duncan Trussell?

  Ibogaine?

• 21:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Duncan Trussell?

  I have no idea. I had the, I had the guy who got ibogaine legalized here on my podcast and.

• 21:36Kurt Metzger?

  Who's that?

• 21:36Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, can you look it up? It's the Texas.

• 21:38Kurt Metzger?

  San Hamilton pharmacopeia.

• 21:40Duncan Trussell?

  He was exactly not what you would expect him to be like. I was thinking he'd be like this hippie dude, just this southern, like a southern guy, this dude. Just sweetest southern guy, but basically he was working, I think in Tennessee where there's this.

• 21:54Kurt Metzger?

  As a backyard wrestler?

• 21:59Duncan Trussell?

  That is not a flattering picture of this man.

• 22:01Kurt Metzger?

  Or a front yard wrestler. Maybe he's a bigger. He's got a lot of shit to talk about Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper was a bully. I'll tell you.

• 22:10Duncan Trussell?

  It's like if Zach Galifianakis had a traumatic brain injury. But dude, um.

• 22:16Kurt Metzger?

  He's the John Fetterman of Zach Galifianakis.

• 22:18Duncan Trussell?

  He's amazing. And basically, he was working to like, deal with the fucking shit, the oxy problem, which all these people are just, so many people dying because of the Sacklers.

• 22:29Kurt Metzger?

  Who is, wait, hold on. So this is a while ago? Because you can't, where are you getting oxy nowadays? You get Fent. There ain't no oxy.

• 22:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well, I mean, it morphed into Fent. Because after, but the point is, something about Ibogaine, when you take it, it's, you're done. Like, people, people take it and they no longer want, like, opioids. And I'm not sure that they figured out exactly what's happening there. It just resets your brain.

• 22:52Kurt Metzger?

  Is that right? So it knocks the opioids off those receptors, which is what's giving you the withdrawal?

• 22:59Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. He said he talked to this, he talked to this woman who was so addicted to cocaine and opioids, that she fucking moved to Colombia to have access to all the drugs she wanted.

• 23:12Kurt Metzger?

  You know, that's very proactive.

• 23:13Duncan Trussell?

  That is so ambitious.

• 23:15Kurt Metzger?

  It beats repeatedly texting your guy.

• 23:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, no, I mean, you.

• 23:20Kurt Metzger?

  Are you almost here?

• 23:21Duncan Trussell?

  I think that really like, puts it in a perspective. How addicted are you to cocaine that you moved to Colombia? And so she went there and looked in the mirror, realized she was dying, and then just did this Ibogaine treatment. And she woke up in the hospital because she'd had three heart attacks from it, because they'd given her something like triple the dose you were supposed to give.

• 23:43Kurt Metzger?

  Of Ibogaine?

• 23:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yes. She'd had three heart attacks, where she said it was like, the best day of her life. She felt healed, like she didn't want drugs anymore. It was gone.

• 23:54Kurt Metzger?

  Because she just had the worst amount of Ibogaine.

• 23:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, three times the amount.

• 23:59Kurt Metzger?

  It's like when my dad made me smoke all them cigarettes that I had at once.

• 24:03Duncan Trussell?

  I'm gonna make you take triple Ibogaine, boy!

• 24:05Kurt Metzger?

  Or like when I had to, I give this to Sergeant Cohen on that, who, he says it on The Homeschool Who's America, where he's playing the libtard, and he goes, he goes, "So I caught my son with pornography online, and I didn't want to traumatize him. I said, 'Son, you're gonna watch, you're gonna masturbate to every image on that site.'" And we're gonna sit here until you finish. Full eye contact, so we knew how disappointed I was. No, he said it with a straight face, this guy.

• 24:33Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 24:34Kurt Metzger?

  He goes, at the end, he was sweaty, he was dehydrated, he was upset.

• 24:38Duncan Trussell?

  Wow, but he was off the porn.

• 24:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 24:43Duncan Trussell?

  Works.

• 24:44Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, you know, it was for jokes, but um, you can't argue.

• 24:47Duncan Trussell?

  Could work.

• 24:48Kurt Metzger?

  With a great idea, I say.

• 24:49Duncan Trussell?

  Could work.

• 24:50Kurt Metzger?

  Let's see. The exact, no, not the entire, he didn't, I mean, that joke would have, wouldn't have, they would have known it was a bit if we had said, you have to watch all the internet's porn.

• 24:59Duncan Trussell?

  You have to watch the age of the universe in porn.

• 25:02Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. That, it's literally like you.

• 25:05Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, look, there it is, there's 7,000 years of porn now, so you would have to live to be 7,000 to watch all the porn.

• 25:12Kurt Metzger?

  Yup.

• 25:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yup.

• 25:14Kurt Metzger?

  That's why we need AI to go through all that metadata, we don't know how much porn there is.

• 25:19Duncan Trussell?

  7,000 years of porn.

• 25:22Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:22Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 25:23Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't we ever celebrate that?

• 25:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, so many, everyone's so negative, these fucking doomers out there.

• 25:30Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, uh, the prices are gonna go up because of the bullshit in Hormuz, and uh, there's gonna be like water shortages.

• 25:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 25:37Kurt Metzger?

  But you know what we got plenty of, guys? Guess what, guess what we don't have to stock up on?

• 25:43Duncan Trussell?

  And we, all we need to do is figure out how to make cars drive on come.

• 25:47Kurt Metzger?

  Here's a mystery nobody talks about, your own brain. Here's a mystery nobody talks about, your own brain. Here's a mystery nobody talks about, your own brain. Okay, that's three times. One minute you're fine, and the next, your mind serves up with thoughts so dark and out of nowhere, and completely at odds with who you are, that you're led to question everything about yourself.

• 26:12Kurt Metzger?

  And no matter what you do to try to feel better, analyze it, push it away.

• 26:14Duncan Trussell?

  I'm so sorry, that was not seven times.

• 26:17Kurt Metzger?

  Shit.

• 26:20Kurt Metzger?

  That was good. No matter what you do to try and feel better, analyze it, push it away, look for answers, it just keeps coming back. For millions of people, that loop isn't just anxiety or overthinking, it can literally lead to your family being killed if you don't knock that globe seven times. They call it OCD, and it's more than the organized stereotype. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character, along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief.

• 26:56Duncan Trussell?

  Two more.

• 26:58Kurt Metzger?

  And that's where NOCD comes in. All their licensed therapists specialize in ERP and will help you learn to take the power away from intrusive thoughts in live, face-to-face, virtual sessions. They also provide support between your sessions, so you're never facing OCD alone. If any of this sounds familiar, visit NOCD.com to book a free 15-minute call. That's N-O-C-D dot com, dot com, dot com, dot com. Just write it that once. I just have to say it. Wait, the Y-chromosome bottleneck, what does that mean? That sounds like, uh, uh, everyone's turned into a bitch. The Y-

• 27:41Duncan Trussell?

  Do you, I'm sure you know this-

• 27:42Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 7,000 years ago, so, oh, wait, who came up with this? This is a very interesting, uh, data point here. Humanity, who was that? It could have been Tanner, because this is very good.

• 27:56Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not-

• 27:57Kurt Metzger?

  Was it Carly?

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 27:59Kurt Metzger?

  I'm joking, I'm joking.

• 27:59Duncan Trussell?

  Around 7,000 years ago, humanity experienced a sudden and massive collapse in male genetic diversity, while female diversity continued to grow. Scientists believe this happened because of the rise of patrilineal clans and generations of warfare over land and resources, where losing clans and entire male lineages were systematically wiped out.

• 28:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, they're all just fucking black guys, figures.

• 28:27Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-

• 28:28Duncan Trussell?

  That's what happened!

• 28:29Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, one man-

• 28:30Duncan Trussell?

  Malepocalypse!

• 28:31Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, one man for every 17 women?

• 28:34Duncan Trussell?

  Mmm.

• 28:35Kurt Metzger?

  Is that real?

• 28:36Duncan Trussell?

  Goddamn.

• 28:37Kurt Metzger?

  So, hold on, and then pornography. So, wait a minute, though, but, but we have, oh, no, no. So, we don't have, okay, I see the mistake here.

• 28:46Duncan Trussell?

  What happened?

• 28:47Kurt Metzger?

  We don't have 7,000 porn. I mean, we probably do have porn from 7,000 years ago. But you're saying we have porn to last for that 7,000 years.

• 28:56Duncan Trussell?

  If you were on a spaceship and had all the porn, you could travel in space for 7,000 years and not watch something twice.

• 29:02Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yeah, cuz I can't commit to one porn. I'll tell you right now.

• 29:05Duncan Trussell?

  No. Can't revisit.

• 29:07Kurt Metzger?

  You never, but you never have like just some points you stick with for like 20 years?

• 29:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I'll be honest, I do. I have a few I circle back to.

• 29:13Kurt Metzger?

  I kind of view it as a marriage, if I'm being totally honest.

• 29:15Duncan Trussell?

  It's a relationship.

• 29:16Kurt Metzger?

  There's a couple of videos. I mean, you know, I don't know the person, but I feel like I do.

• 29:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:21Kurt Metzger?

  I know him pretty good in certain ways.

• 29:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 29:23Kurt Metzger?

  You know?

• 29:24Duncan Trussell?

  It's nice. Brings you back.

• 29:26Kurt Metzger?

  A fear of missing out.

• 29:27Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 29:29Kurt Metzger?

  Are you saying I have porn FOMO?

• 29:32Duncan Trussell?

  He's it.

• 29:36Duncan Trussell?

  There's nothing worse than knowing your friends are watching porn you aren't.

• 29:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, did you see that porn? No!

• 29:44Duncan Trussell?

  What? What?

• 29:45Kurt Metzger?

  Fuck!

• 29:45Duncan Trussell?

  Why, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me about that one? God damn!

• 29:52Kurt Metzger?

  As highlighted by mental health experts, that's cerebral. Okay, you just reminded me of a thing that I wanted to bring up on the next episode of this.

• 29:59Duncan Trussell?

  Great.

• 30:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Should, okay, well, bring, should I bring this up first or should we hit up DeRozie about that mystery?

• 30:07Duncan Trussell?

  Let's definitely hit him up. This is incredible groundbreaking.

• 30:12Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 30:12Duncan Trussell?

  Proof of God's existence.

• 30:16Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay.

• 30:17Duncan Trussell?

  These kinds of synchronicities, they just don't happen without a creator.

• 30:21Kurt Metzger?

  What, Joe DeRosa?

• 30:23Duncan Trussell?

  Just the idea that we discovered his father. Just joking around.

• 30:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Tanner, I'm texting you Joe's number.

• 30:37Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. And then I'll text Joe that we're gonna, you know, on the last, or I guess the last episode of Mystery Boys, we found, it's not a big deal, but we figured out who his dad was, like his real dad.

• 30:47Duncan Trussell?

  For us, it's not a big deal.

• 30:50Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna roll up some healthy, uh, legal Deltanoid.

• 30:53Duncan Trussell?

  I hope it is.

• 30:55Kurt Metzger?

  All that coke talk with Chet Hayes.

• 30:57Duncan Trussell?

  I know.

• 30:57Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I just wanted to roll up some, uh, legal synthetic plant medicine.

• 31:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah. Well, look.

• 31:04Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, two, he needs two minutes. That's good. That'll give us time to get, okay, Carly.

• 31:11Duncan Trussell?

  What we know.

• 31:12Kurt Metzger?

  Carly has really done a lot of legwork on this mystery.

• 31:16Duncan Trussell?

  You're incredible Carly, that's amazing.

• 31:21Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, so I'm just gonna read what Carly has placed up here for us.

• 31:25Kurt Metzger?

  I've known him for 30 years and didn't know all this.

• 31:27Duncan Trussell?

  What we know.

• 31:31Duncan Trussell?

  All uppercase, what we know. Joe DeRosa, born on August 6, 1977, was adopted in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Claims to be of Egyptian descent, although raised Italian. Saul Gordon, PhD, suspected biological father, was the chief psychologist at the Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic from 1965 to 1970. The Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic.

• 31:58Kurt Metzger?

  Does that sound good to you?

• 31:59Duncan Trussell?

  Not at all. Gordon was then recruited by Syracuse University as a professor of child and family studies in addition to human sexuality. He was also the founding chair of the Department of Marriage and Family Therapy. It should be noted that Saul was married to Judith Paula Gordon, with whom he adopted his son, Joshua Gordon.

• 32:19Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 32:19Duncan Trussell?

  In his time at Syracuse University-

• 32:21Kurt Metzger?

  Boy, that would be ironic if Joe's real biological father gave up his son and then adopted a boy.

• 32:26Duncan Trussell?

  That would-

• 32:26Kurt Metzger?

  I would hold a grudge at my dad for that. Where you just gave me up and then adopted another kid.

• 32:30Duncan Trussell?

  Brutal, brutal, like you, fuck you.

• 32:32Kurt Metzger?

  I hope Carly's wrong.

• 32:34Duncan Trussell?

  In his time at Syracuse University, Gordon wrote and created several sex education comic books, including such titles as 10 Heavy Facts About Sex and Protect Yourself From Becoming An Unwanted Parent.

• 32:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, is it about a-

• 32:49Duncan Trussell?

  That's a comic book someone who gave up their kid for adoption would write.

• 32:52Kurt Metzger?

  How do I protect myself from becoming an unwanted parent? Well, how he did it was giving up Joe DeRosa.

• 32:57Duncan Trussell?

  Giving up Joe DeRosa. He was gonna call it Giving Up Joe DeRosa, but-

• 33:02Kurt Metzger?

  He was, oh, oh Carly, he was known for the power of his humor.

• 33:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, comic.

• 33:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, so that's a point in it not being Joe's dad. I'm kidding, come on, come on, Joey gets it.

• 33:18Kurt Metzger?

  What does it say about sandwiches? And hanging out with Tony Hitchcliff too much, in my opinion? Going out with Tony too much, does it mention that?

• 33:30Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 33:31Kurt Metzger?

  Spending all your money at a strip club when you know that you're too drunk. Oh, and the stripper has a dick and they walk you to the ATM. And have you take out another three grand.

• 33:41Duncan Trussell?

  God, that's the worst.

• 33:42Kurt Metzger?

  And then we, and then we do a collection for you when the story keeps changing. As happened at the last Skank, uh, Skank Fest is a great festival, I guess.

• 33:49Duncan Trussell?

  So fun.

• 33:50Kurt Metzger?

  Skank Fest is the best.

• 33:51Duncan Trussell?

  We're doing a Mystery Boys at Skank Fest.

• 33:53Kurt Metzger?

  We better be because, uh, the MKUltra hearings happened. Okay, just now with that dude Tom Fitz, uh, Fitz Dog's friend.

• 34:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 34:02Kurt Metzger?

  And we already had the Skank Fest hearings where we, we called out.

• 34:05Duncan Trussell?

  We're way ahead of those hearings.

• 34:07Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, way ahead, okay. Let's see if he's ready. Uh, let's see, beyond his professional interest in psychology, Gordon was no, oh, the power of his humor.

• 34:15Duncan Trussell?

  His humor is noted by both a former student.

• 34:18Kurt Metzger?

  I love that Carly wrote that he claims to be of Egyptians.

• 34:21Duncan Trussell?

  I love that you did citations.

• 34:22Kurt Metzger?

  It's almost like we're running against Joe DeRosa in something and you found, Joe DeRosa says he was Egyptian.

• 34:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, but.

• 34:29Kurt Metzger?

  But he was raised Italian.

• 34:31Duncan Trussell?

  Well.

• 34:32Kurt Metzger?

  Pick a race, Joe.

• 34:33Duncan Trussell?

  Where was, where was Saul Gordon born? We look that up?

• 34:39Kurt Metzger?

  See that, the, the thing that would help is if we knew Saul Gordon had some Egyptian ancestry. Now, on last episode, uh, we did show the video where I first discovered Joe's dad.

• 34:51Duncan Trussell?

  Did he ever visit Egypt?

• 34:53Kurt Metzger?

  He was born in Brooklyn.

• 34:54Duncan Trussell?

  Where was his grandfather?

• 34:55Kurt Metzger?

  And I'd like to point this out.

• 34:56Duncan Trussell?

  Where are the?

• 34:56Kurt Metzger?

  In favor of Carly's, uh, Saul Gordon theory. That when, uh, remember, uh, Candace Owens kept bringing up Egyptian planes in relation to, uh, Erica Kirk?

• 35:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 35:07Kurt Metzger?

  And we go, Egyptian planes, what does that mean, Egyptian planes? Well, when somebody says Egyptian planes, what they mean is Israeli planes. So that's prob, so his, his dad could be just some Jew and they're saying he's Egyptian, is what I'm saying.

• 35:22Duncan Trussell?

  Got it.

• 35:24Kurt Metzger?

  You know, he probably didn't want to see Joe again.

• 35:26Duncan Trussell?

  Got it. I got it.

• 35:29Kurt Metzger?

  Now, right there, does he look like Joe? Not as much.

• 35:32Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that.

• 35:32Kurt Metzger?

  There, uh, maybe.

• 35:34Duncan Trussell?

  But how does he even know?

• 35:35Kurt Metzger?

  He was a poet, you know, by the way, the guy wrote Dirty Limericks and he's a fucking therapist.

• 35:40Duncan Trussell?

  Can we look up his poems?

• 35:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, let's try to find some of his poems. And then maybe we could open up with Joe by reading a poem of his real dad to him. There once was a man from Nantucket.

• 35:52Duncan Trussell?

  Water the plant to get on with it.

• 35:53Kurt Metzger?

  He threw his son in a dumpster and said, fuck it.

• 36:02Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Gordon genuinely believed that almost all nations would resort to compulsory sterilization due to uncontrolled population growth.

• 36:09Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, God.

• 36:10Duncan Trussell?

  Break down the world economy due to war.

• 36:12Kurt Metzger?

  Yo.

• 36:13Duncan Trussell?

  And that the United States.

• 36:14Kurt Metzger?

  Joe's dad's a fuckhead, dude.

• 36:16Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 36:17Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck, Joe's dad? What is this shit?

• 36:20Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit. That's the Georgia Guidestones shit.

• 36:24Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 36:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's beautiful.

• 36:33Kurt Metzger?

  Look at the fucking, uh...

• 36:36Kurt Metzger?

  Joe, Joe.

• 36:38Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that, it's undeniable.

• 36:40Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, Joe, okay, so we just, just as you called.

• 36:45Kurt Metzger?

  We just put, just, just now as you called, we put the picture up of the guy.

• 36:50Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 36:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, that Carly, now Carly, Carly prepared like a brief that she's really selling the idea that this is your dad.

• 37:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, but you kind of, uh, maybe are gonna pour a little rain on this parade, I think, because, uh, what, now, you've seen the, you've seen the file, or the, the picture.

• 37:12Speaker 06

  Yes, I've seen it.

• 37:14Kurt Metzger?

  How? Now, is there any chance that this is your dad for real?

• 37:23Speaker 06

  I mean, anything's possible.

• 37:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 37:25Speaker 06

  But, uh, uh, but what did you say his name is? Saul Goodman?

• 37:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 37:30Kurt Metzger?

  Saul, no, not Saul, Saul Gordon.

• 37:32Duncan Trussell?

  Gordon.

• 37:33Kurt Metzger?

  And the thing that's fucked up, if he is your dad, which I say he's not, because I feel like it's too, I don't know if I could live with as a joke, I found your dad, so I'm just gonna say it's not. Joshua Gordon, he adopted a son named Joshua Gordon? And I'm like, if he gave Joe for adoption and then adopted another son, that's pretty fucked up.

• 37:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:52Kurt Metzger?

  But also, he wrote and created several sex education comic books, including such titles as 10 Heavy Facts About Sex, that was the 70s, and Protect Yourself From Becoming An Unwanted Parent, and he also would write a lot of poems. It sounds like he's some pervert, is what it sounds like to me.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  I do write poems myself.

• 38:14Duncan Trussell?

  You do? Joe, do you really write poetry? Can you read one of your poems to us?

• 38:18Speaker 04

  Oh, God, I'd have to dig it up, Duncan, in front of me, but, uh, yeah.

• 38:25Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, I have a poem in front of me right now.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've written some poems in my, in my day.

• 38:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, look, I did too, but I didn't want to tell nobody.

• 38:41Duncan Trussell?

  I have too, I'll admit it.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  That's the difference between you. I'm a progressive male.

• 38:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's, that is true. That's why, he is progressive.

• 38:51Speaker 04

  What, uh, wigs do you guys have on today?

• 38:54Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Joey.

• 38:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's great that you should ask, Joe.

• 38:59Kurt Metzger?

  Funny you should ask, because I four, I four went a wig today.

• 39:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, and I got the wig today, Joe. I'm wearing a beautiful blonde wig.

• 39:06Kurt Metzger?

  He's wearing a beautiful biker leather skull cap with, uh, Cabo Wabo hair, I would call it.

• 39:11Duncan Trussell?

  Perfect name for it.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  I mean, you guys have the biggest costuming budget in all of podcasts.

• 39:17Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, dude, yeah, Jenna's parents are over, and I know they think I'm a fucking fagula.

• 39:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 39:24Kurt Metzger?

  Can you say fagula? Jenna's parents are, are visiting, and they're like, this guy's got a lot of wigs. I know they're saying that.

• 39:31Duncan Trussell?

  I've thought that. Like, when you, when you bring all these outfits, like, it hasn't flickered through my mind, I'll admit.

• 39:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I got a weird addiction, Joey, to buy in drag queen outfits.

• 39:40Duncan Trussell?

  Feels good.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  I've noticed that lately. You won't, you won't go on a podcast with.

• 39:45Speaker 07

  Some kind of wig or skipper hat or something on like.

• 39:48Kurt Metzger?

  Okay dude Joey, I'm wearing a skipper hat.

• 39:50Duncan Trussell?

  He's wearing a captain hat.

• 39:53Kurt Metzger?

  Joey?

• 39:54Speaker 07

  Wow, really?

• 39:55Duncan Trussell?

  Yes!

• 39:56Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, can you text Joe the fucking, text Joe our outfits, cause he guessed them.

• 40:00Duncan Trussell?

  That's crazy.

• 40:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 40:03Duncan Trussell?

  Joe, you gotta come on this.

• 40:04Kurt Metzger?

  That's how I feel about this thing with your dad. I was just making a very stupid joke.

• 40:07Duncan Trussell?

  But we feel like we stumbled onto something.

• 40:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Carly really, she did a lot of legwork on this, but um, what do you know about your dad? Oh god, the images are crazy.

• 40:19Kurt Metzger?

  Go ahead.

• 40:19Speaker 07

  I'm gonna look at the.

• 40:21Kurt Metzger?

  Cause at the picture, do you see how you got dark hair and clear glasses and he's got dark glasses and clear hair?

• 40:27Speaker 07

  It's a striking resemblance, uh, and sadly, he looks like he's in better shape than I do, which.

• 40:34Kurt Metzger?

  I know, well, he's dead now.

• 40:36Speaker 07

  Yeah, he's dead. Um, but you know, no, I believe my father was Egyptian. I mean, that is the truth.

• 40:43Duncan Trussell?

  How do you know?

• 40:45Speaker 07

  Look at that, you do have a skipper hat on.

• 40:51Speaker 07

  Crazy.

• 40:52Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, no, I'm saying there's a psychic thing going on.

• 40:55Duncan Trussell?

  Joe, how do you know your dad, uh, was Egyptian?

• 40:58Speaker 07

  What'd you say?

• 40:59Duncan Trussell?

  How do you know your dad's Egyptian?

• 41:00Speaker 07

  Duncan's dressed like Chelsea Handler.

• 41:13Kurt Metzger?

  Excuse me.

• 41:14Speaker 07

  What was the question? Sorry, dude. What was the question?

• 41:17Kurt Metzger?

  Um, why, how do you know your dad's Egyptian and, cause the way Carly put this is that you claimed.

• 41:22Speaker 07

  I, I was adopted in the, in the late seventies. They, they told you, like, they let too much information slide still back then. They gave you, gave you like clues to like.

• 41:37Speaker 07

  I'm gonna go tell you the hospital, but not, not the room.

• 41:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 07

  It was an escape room adoption.

• 41:51Speaker 07

  They told you way too much stuff in the seventies.

• 41:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Like, I'm not really supposed to tell you, but...

• 41:57Speaker 07

  They told me that one of my parents was from Egypt and one of my parents was from Italy. But then I did, um, I did, um, like the DNA stuff.

• 42:07Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 07

  Twenty-three and me, whatever.

• 42:09Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:09Speaker 07

  And then both of those came back as, basically, they were like, "You're ninety percent Egyptian." So I think they were mistaken. If one of them was from Italy, I think they literally just lived in Italy.

• 42:20Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 42:20Speaker 07

  I think they were both actually from Egypt.

• 42:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it happens. Um, yeah. Um, I'm not one of these guys that says everybody's a clone and shit, like, you know.

• 42:31Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not one of these guys that does that, so, uh...

• 42:38Speaker 07

  Did I ever tell you the time Bill Burr yelled at me for doing the DNA sites?

• 42:43Kurt Metzger?

  Why? What'd he say? I'm surprised Bill knows those are bad.

• 42:47Speaker 07

  I was all excited that I did it. I was like, "Bill, it might actually help me find my parents." And he yelled at me, saying, "You're a fucking idiot. That's how the government gets your fucking DNA and your information. You just handed it right to them, you fucking..." And I was like...

• 43:00Kurt Metzger?

  Well...

• 43:00Speaker 07

  ...on my parade, then I might find my mommy.

• 43:02Kurt Metzger?

  First of all, the government already had that shit. I don't know why he's...

• 43:05Duncan Trussell?

  But also, Twenty-three and Me...

• 43:07Kurt Metzger?

  The Mormons have it. That's the weird thing.

• 43:09Duncan Trussell?

  You know, Twenty-three and Me filed for bankruptcy, and they sold all of that data. They sold your DNA.

• 43:15Kurt Metzger?

  If the government had it, that would be better.

• 43:16Duncan Trussell?

  They sold it to some unknown group.

• 43:19Kurt Metzger?

  And they're like, you know, they're gonna solve who your dad is before we do with this show.

• 43:22Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 43:23Kurt Metzger?

  And then they're gonna... They're gonna... They're gonna... Somehow, they use that data to be like, "Oh, Joe's in the market for a new TV."

• 43:30Duncan Trussell?

  Your DNA now belongs to the T T A M Research Institute.

• 43:36Kurt Metzger?

  By Susan Wojcicki's sister, that's right. Epstein friend and Susan Wojcicki's...

• 43:41Duncan Trussell?

  Really?

• 43:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 43:43Duncan Trussell?

  Whoa.

• 43:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 43:44Speaker 07

  She's got the DNA?

• 43:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and Wojcicki. She resigned, and they're like, "Oh, whoopsie."

• 43:49Duncan Trussell?

  And Wojcicki has your spit.

• 43:51Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now, if you look up...

• 43:55Duncan Trussell?

  He has a vial of your spit.

• 43:59Duncan Trussell?

  It does.

• 44:00Kurt Metzger?

  Well, not just him. Yeah, no. Well, I look that Krav Maga Mamdamis, Moldavis.

• 44:06Duncan Trussell?

  Mamdamis.

• 44:08Kurt Metzger?

  You know, that New York mayor. Uh, his mom is on an island with Epstein's arm around her in the picture. And that means Epstein's his dad. If you, if, if there's a picture of your mom at the island and Epstein's got his arm around her, that means he's your fucking dad, motherfucker.

• 44:21Duncan Trussell?

  Don't need 23andMe for that.

• 44:23Speaker 07

  I disagree. I don't disagree.

• 44:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God. Look at that.

• 44:26Speaker 07

  Listen, I hope you have a good podcast. It's a rainy day. It's time for me to curl up with a good book.

• 44:39Kurt Metzger?

  Go right ahead.

• 44:40Duncan Trussell?

  Thanks, Joe.

• 44:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, plug some.

• 44:42Speaker 07

  Thanks, guys. Uh, my, my, my special, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, uh, it's going to Netflix. It comes out, uh, August 6th. And, uh, on Netflix. So watch that. And Violent Horrendous on, uh, my podcast on the same network. Check it out.

• 44:56Kurt Metzger?

  All right, later, buddy.

• 44:57Duncan Trussell?

  Bye. Why collaborate?

• 45:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh.

• 45:04Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, are we back?

• 45:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yes. No? Yes.

• 45:07Duncan Trussell?

  That was, you know, I gotta say, that's probably the most dramatic moment of the show so far.

• 45:11Kurt Metzger?

  That was very intense and very emotional. And guess what? Tanner just now informed me of this data point that we didn't have. What, what did Joe promote? His special, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden?

• 45:22Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 45:23Kurt Metzger?

  What, uh, uh, what, what's this poetry book called?

• 45:28Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God.

• 45:29Kurt Metzger?

  Go ahead.

• 45:29Duncan Trussell?

  Water the plants and get on with it.

• 45:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I mean, that's the most Joe DeRosa-esque.

• 45:36Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, let me tell you something. I bet you if this man was alive, we called him up, he's into Zappa.

• 45:39Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 45:42Duncan Trussell?

  Water the plants and get on with it. What do you get from that? A rose garden.

• 45:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's right. That's right. And, uh.

• 45:52Duncan Trussell?

  This is incredible. This is how God works in the world. God moves through you. Anyone who tells you they could do magic or practice miracles, they're sorcerers. But the way it actually works is God just uses you as a pawn in his game of love.

• 46:07Kurt Metzger?

  That's exactly right. A pawn in the game of love is also the name of my album.

• 46:14Duncan Trussell?

  Really good. I've heard it, it's really good.

• 46:18Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, it's on the next Captain and the Drifter album.

• 46:20Duncan Trussell?

  Speaking of which, speaking of that, can you play?

• 46:23Kurt Metzger?

  Captain and the Drifter.

• 46:24Duncan Trussell?

  Can you play? Can you play that song from his album that I sent you? I just, I saw the video for your new song. I love it. Can you go ahead and play it? Captain and the Drifters.

• 46:37Duncan Trussell?

  Can you turn it up?

• 46:53Duncan Trussell?

  So good, man. Your voice is incredible.

• 46:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, between you and me, there's a little bit of auto-tune, not too much.

• 46:59Duncan Trussell?

  I can't tell.

• 47:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I think these are great lyrics. It's a pleasure to sing such great lyrics, so I'll right back at you.

• 47:07Duncan Trussell?

  Did you write this?

• 47:08Kurt Metzger?

  No, you wrote it. I sang it. I'm the captain, I don't do the right.

• 47:11Duncan Trussell?

  Sometimes the hand that holds the brush is not the painter.

• 47:19Kurt Metzger?

  That's right.

• 47:32Duncan Trussell?

  Wow. It's a groove.

• 47:48Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, how did you get, uh, Dill Fobbins?

• 47:50Duncan Trussell?

  It was fucking almost impossible.

• 47:53Kurt Metzger?

  That guy was good, though. Old man, Dill Fobbins, you ever seen him? Very respected character actor.

• 47:59Duncan Trussell?

  He was incredible to work with, a true professional.

• 48:03Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 48:08Kurt Metzger?

  That's true.

• 48:12Duncan Trussell?

  Hmm, sweet.

• 48:34Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, man. I'm a regular Chet Hayes on the vocals.

• 48:37Duncan Trussell?

  Amazing. You're sul- sultry.

• 48:47Kurt Metzger?

  All my children there.

• 48:50Kurt Metzger?

  Look at DILF. The guy fucking knows how to bring it.

• 48:54Duncan Trussell?

  No, I know.

• 48:54Kurt Metzger?

  Every time, he nails it.

• 48:55Duncan Trussell?

  It was incredible. No lines, and yet he said a million words in this video.

• 48:59Kurt Metzger?

  DILF Bobbins. Great DILF Bobbins.

• 49:01Duncan Trussell?

  That's great, man. I love your album. Where can people get your album?

• 49:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's not. You can't. And you can't.

• 49:09Duncan Trussell?

  You should share your art. You should share it with people. Don't be afraid of that.

• 49:13Kurt Metzger?

  You know, it took a lot for us to get this podcast out, which you correctly said we should never share.

• 49:18Duncan Trussell?

  Never show.

• 49:19Kurt Metzger?

  But we did. Now that that song's out, Captain Controls Reality, that's a... Look, I'll put it this way. If you'd like to know more, see us about our Patreon. You know what I'm saying?

• 49:29Duncan Trussell?

  That's right. Check out our Patreon. It doesn't exist yet.

• 49:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, the Wachowski. Perfect. You know, so I, you know...

• 49:37Kurt Metzger?

  Speaking of Polacks.

• 49:47Duncan Trussell?

  By the way, that's the name of my album. Lena Wachowski. We all know about... I'm sure you might know more than some of us. What is this story?

• 49:58Kurt Metzger?

  Well, she has colorful yarn for hair.

• 50:01Duncan Trussell?

  Raggedy Ann style hair, but you know, this is one of the creators of one of the, you know, hit movies of our time.

• 50:08Kurt Metzger?

  Who's the hotter one, is what I say.

• 50:10Duncan Trussell?

  Can you pull up Wachowski Brothers, though?

• 50:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yo.

• 50:13Duncan Trussell?

  Just to show the before and after.

• 50:17Kurt Metzger?

  Do you got any, um...

• 50:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:19Kurt Metzger?

  Because I need one bad.

• 50:21Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, check it out. They're the Wachowski Brothers.

• 50:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so I think, let's, let's first, yeah, let's look at who the hotter one is. Oh, that's the guy from Super Troopers. That's Farva.

• 50:31Duncan Trussell?

  Is that? Yeah, there's have the rest.

• 50:34Kurt Metzger?

  I think that's Farva. Am I wrong? Okay, you know which one's the hotter one. Now, which one went first and the other brother copy them?

• 50:43Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man. The dude with the earrings is probably hotter.

• 50:47Kurt Metzger?

  So the one that looks like Macron's wife is the hotter one? And then the one that looks like um Farva from Super Troopers?

• 50:54Duncan Trussell?

  Scroll down a little bit.

• 50:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, scroll down so we can see the results.

• 50:57Duncan Trussell?

  This is before.

• 50:57Kurt Metzger?

  You veiled part of their faces.

• 50:59Duncan Trussell?

  Before and after.

• 51:00Kurt Metzger?

  Now, who? Look.

• 51:03Duncan Trussell?

  Clearly, the one on the left.

• 51:06Duncan Trussell?

  No offense.

• 51:06Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, stage left or?

• 51:08Duncan Trussell?

  Don't do that. Don't stage left me. We all know you went to Juilliard. We all know you're a great fucking actor. Don't stage left on this one, this side.

• 51:15Kurt Metzger?

  The rose is missing brother. I don't know. That's a hey. That's a trail to look down. We don't know. At this time, if true, it could be explosive. That's a fact. If one of these is Joe's brother?

• 51:27Duncan Trussell?

  Why not? Could be.

• 51:30Kurt Metzger?

  Um, because once you get the hormones, your back is kind of hunchy from the osteoporosis.

• 51:34Duncan Trussell?

  Does it really hunch your back?

• 51:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, don't get your balls off. Listen, if you're gonna do that, keep the tits, go tits and a dick. Do not get a fake vagina. It's gonna fuck you up.

• 51:44Duncan Trussell?

  Fucks you up?

• 51:45Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, and I'm saying this as a qualified medical advice person.

• 51:50Duncan Trussell?

  How does it fuck you up? I didn't know it gave you a hunch back.

• 51:53Kurt Metzger?

  Because you get osteos, you need the hormones that come out of the butt.

• 51:56Duncan Trussell?

  I see.

• 51:57Kurt Metzger?

  Don't, don't fall for Big Pharma and be like, oh, I gotta get the pussy. You castrate you. Now, I don't think these brothers, first of all, look at the brother with the blockhead. There's no way he got rid of his balls.

• 52:08Duncan Trussell?

  You don't, I don't know.

• 52:09Kurt Metzger?

  The bigger headed brother is not.

• 52:11Duncan Trussell?

  He didn't do it. He didn't go that far.

• 52:13Kurt Metzger?

  So they got turned out by a dominatrix.

• 52:15Duncan Trussell?

  Well, this I just found out. So can you pull up?

• 52:17Kurt Metzger?

  She must be rich.

• 52:17Duncan Trussell?

  The Wachowski Brothers dominatrix. It's really like a scandalous story, actually.

• 52:25Duncan Trussell?

  It was a sex dungeon in LA. It was called the dungeon.

• 52:29Kurt Metzger?

  So guilty for stealing the matrix from that crazy black lady.

• 52:32Duncan Trussell?

  You have to do a Google search to find her name. It gets pretty interesting.

• 52:36Kurt Metzger?

  Have you, you've seen that blackjack that wrote the matrix, she says, and they stole from her? And she goes on podcasts?

• 52:41Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know that. No.

• 52:43Kurt Metzger?

  Spoiler alert, they did not steal it from her.

• 52:45Duncan Trussell?

  I.

• 52:46Kurt Metzger?

  It's, the thing she wrote is in, is absolutely like, anyway.

• 52:50Duncan Trussell?

  You gotta look up her name. If you just do a search, her name will come up and we can pull up her dominatrix photo. That's it. Yeah, yeah, at least it'll.

• 53:00Kurt Metzger?

  Ilsa Strix.

• 53:01Duncan Trussell?

  Ilsa Strix.

• 53:04Kurt Metzger?

  Um, she's born in Connecticut. That figures.

• 53:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, but let's look up that image.

• 53:08Kurt Metzger?

  Can we see what she looks like?

• 53:09Duncan Trussell?

  If you do the image search, you can scroll down and find her dominatrix photo.

• 53:13Kurt Metzger?

  That's Ilsa Strix.

• 53:15Duncan Trussell?

  Keep scrolling. Her dominatrix photo will show up eventually. It's hard to find.

• 53:19Kurt Metzger?

  So now she looks like a goddamn Max mom from Always Sunny.

• 53:22Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, there it is. Yeah, yeah, that's okay. So we, if you like The Matrix, you owe it to this lady.

• 53:29Kurt Metzger?

  Why?

• 53:29Duncan Trussell?

  If you, because she is the one, I think, who inspired The Matrix. She, these two dudes were going.

• 53:36Kurt Metzger?

  That's why they like Trinity? Because Trinity had kind of a handsome woman look?

• 53:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yes. She, this is, no, this is Morpheus. Like, she, th- these two brothers, they're living in LA. They start going to this sex dungeon. She has an award for putting the most dicks, or, I'm sorry.

• 53:55Kurt Metzger?

  For pencil sharpening the most dicks?

• 53:57Duncan Trussell?

  For putting the most needles in a human dick. You could look that up. I think like over 300 needles she got in a dick.

• 54:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, okay. There's a lot of science to that that I need to understand before I can, you know, because how much dick are we working with? How, how far the needles spaced?

• 54:16Duncan Trussell?

  How big are the needles?

• 54:18Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, that's a whole, I gotta take the, that to the lab.

• 54:21Duncan Trussell?

  I guess it was Rolf Bolsholz. Who got, wow, that's great.

• 54:25Kurt Metzger?

  Imagine if that was your, you're the world record holder for the most.

• 54:29Duncan Trussell?

  See, that's inject.

• 54:30Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, making the smallest sculptures in the world. How is that here? Wait.

• 54:35Duncan Trussell?

  What is that? A wreck penis showing placement of the, from Research Gate?

• 54:39Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what the fuck is, it wasn't those kind of needles, was it?

• 54:43Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know. I don't know the kinds of needles, but the point is she was a very talented dominatrix.

• 54:47Kurt Metzger?

  Let me measure your pee pee. How I became the world record holder. Is that Chinese guy?

• 54:53Kurt Metzger?

  Is this AI?

• 54:54Duncan Trussell?

  Come on.

• 54:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, most dick measured? So did you just, wait a minute, wait, wait, go, what's it say? How I became the world record holder for most dick measured?

• 55:04Speaker 04

  There's a saying that goes, no matter how good you are at something, there's always gonna be an Asian out there who's doing it better than you are.

• 55:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, shit. Even dick size?

• 55:13Speaker 04

  This Asian became the best at dick measuring contests, because I just made the fastest dick measuring device, right here. This can measure area, length, width, angle.

• 55:23Kurt Metzger?

  Go on.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  And size.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  I call this the best interval gauge with perfect position. Or big PP for short. This will prove once and for all that you're actually getting more dick per minute from a four inch than an eight inch. I will let Professor Jimmy explain it to you.

• 55:39Kurt Metzger?

  You know, there's one of the dead scientists? This is one of the mystic scientists.

• 55:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I know, I know. He vanished.

• 55:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wow. He was about to prove that a four inch and an eight inch are the same thing.

• 55:50Duncan Trussell?

  All of them were working on dick measuring devices.

• 55:55Kurt Metzger?

  This is funny shit, dude.

• 55:57Duncan Trussell?

  X equals what ass pussy?

• 55:59Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 55:59Duncan Trussell?

  WAP.

• 56:00Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, they are doing, do the math, the Asian math.

• 56:04Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 06

  The formula for WAP is size.

• 56:08Kurt Metzger?

  This is why Trump has those tariffs on China.

• 56:10Speaker 06

  Times average time.

• 56:14Speaker 06

  Now, in order to solve a WAP, my dick is four inches. So, what inches?

• 56:21Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is this from A Beautiful Mind Part Two?

• 56:25Speaker 06

  Times, let's say, for ten minutes, go for ten minutes. That's four.

• 56:31Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God, he's getting too close to how Lindsey Graham really died.

• 56:34Speaker 06

  Pumps per minute for ten minutes.

• 56:38Speaker 06

  I'll give her seven thousand two hundred inches of dick. Now, if we compare that with an eight inch dick, let's say there's an eight inch dick.

• 56:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, these guys are trying to show that having a smaller dick is better.

• 56:51Kurt Metzger?

  Big dicks are lazy, that's true.

• 56:54Kurt Metzger?

  One pump a second is all they'll do. That must be a fucking eternity.

• 57:00Speaker 06

  Sixty pumps per minute for ten minutes. That's four thousand eight hundred inches of dick.

• 57:09Kurt Metzger?

  Right.

• 57:09Duncan Trussell?

  They're saying your dick's so big, it takes a second to go in and out compared to.

• 57:13Kurt Metzger?

  It's just lazier.

• 57:16Kurt Metzger?

  It's kind of a eugenics thing.

• 57:20Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that guy.

• 57:25Duncan Trussell?

  Is gonna give her a bigger one.

• 57:29Kurt Metzger?

  A bigger wap.

• 57:30Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 57:31Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, there you go.

• 57:33Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit, that is some hardcore science.

• 57:36Kurt Metzger?

  Um, wow, that's amazing.

• 57:38Duncan Trussell?

  Amazing.

• 57:39Kurt Metzger?

  So, cuz you had your pad out and you were going to, uh?

• 57:42Duncan Trussell?

  Well, yeah, that is actually interesting. To, to wrap up the DeRosa thing, Matt Skerr suggested that I, um, that I use what he calls remote viewing.

• 57:53Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Tanner brought it up.

• 57:55Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, it's Tanner.

• 57:56Kurt Metzger?

  He was like, hey, why don't you remote view into Joe DeRosa's pants right now? And I go, you know what? That's a great idea. And then remote view into that. Now, is it hard to remote view a dead man's penis? You did it with those one scientist, so I thought maybe it's okay.

• 58:09Duncan Trussell?

  Well.

• 58:10Kurt Metzger?

  I know you can get feedback.

• 58:12Duncan Trussell?

  Look, here's the thing. I will do it for this show, but lately, when I've been doing it, I've just been having some physiological reactions to it.

• 58:20Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's fine. Look, that's to be expected, because let's face it, this is serious shit.

• 58:27Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah.

• 58:29Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, you're not gonna, look.

• 58:31Duncan Trussell?

  A lot, listen, I would, for people who are interested in like, how do I remote view celebrity cocks? Or any cock?

• 58:39Kurt Metzger?

  I think they look at you.

• 58:41Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, just let me do the work, because it's, it's a dark road and, you know, I was warned about doing it.

• 58:48Kurt Metzger?

  For everyone.

• 58:49Duncan Trussell?

  And I do feel like it's starting to take a toll on my body, but I will do it for.

• 58:52Kurt Metzger?

  People, and they don't tell you about that part of it. They don't wanna tell you about that part of it.

• 58:57Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, they won't tell you this. You're not gonna get this in any of the remote viewing.

• 59:00Kurt Metzger?

  The gift, but is it? Is it a gift?

• 59:03Duncan Trussell?

  So, okay, let's start off.

• 59:07Duncan Trussell?

  I guess, should we do his dad first or Joe?

• 59:10Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, whatever's gonna be easier on your, um, uh, what's the back part of the brain that this is being affected?

• 59:17Duncan Trussell?

  I'll just start doing it. It's purely the amygdala. It's all cortisol.

• 59:22Kurt Metzger?

  It's in the amygdala, you say?

• 59:23Duncan Trussell?

  It's all cortisol.

• 59:25Kurt Metzger?

  Wow.

• 59:26Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 59:27Kurt Metzger?

  No, I'm looking deep into Joe's eyes and trying to get something.

• 59:32Kurt Metzger?

  I'm getting like a Walter Matthau. I cannot wait to see what you remote view inside Joe DeRosa's pants.

• 59:39Duncan Trussell?

  All right, here we go.

• 59:43Kurt Metzger?

  Wait. Duncan?

• 59:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah?

• 59:46Kurt Metzger?

  Duncan!

• 59:47Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on, I'm com- please don't bring it up.

• 59:49Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck dude?

• 59:51Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, fuck. This is what I was telling you about. God damn it.

• 59:54Kurt Metzger?

  What the f- do you have it? You're getting blood all over his dick.

• 59:59Duncan Trussell?

  It's okay, it's okay. It's just a nosebleed. No big deal.

• 1:00:02Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, just try to finish. Holy shit. I apologize.

• 1:00:07Kurt Metzger?

  Sorry Carly, you were very professional with this fucking guy.

• 1:00:12Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, is it too much to ask to use your psychic powers?

• 1:00:15Duncan Trussell?

  It's not just that.

• 1:00:16Kurt Metzger?

  To look into the pants of a dead man in Joe DeRosa and see?

• 1:00:19Duncan Trussell?

  It feels like Joe has some kind of psychic shield up that I'm having to penetrate.

• 1:00:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's- well, I can attest to that. He likes to get his walls up. You gotta just say, not take no for an answer, put it that way.

• 1:00:33Kurt Metzger?

  When Joe DeRosa says, "No," what he means is, "I need to know more."

• 1:00:37Duncan Trussell?

  This is interesting.

• 1:00:40Duncan Trussell?

  What I'm seeing is interesting.

• 1:00:41Kurt Metzger?

  Are you okay? Are you gonna get the drawing done?

• 1:00:42Duncan Trussell?

  I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

• 1:00:44Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:00:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oof, look at Joe. Oh, it looks like his picture changed. He's like, "Oof buddy, are you okay?"

• 1:00:51Duncan Trussell?

  I'm seeing, huh.

• 1:00:54Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god.

• 1:00:57Duncan Trussell?

  I've never seen this before.

• 1:00:57Kurt Metzger?

  It looks like he's fighting you in the picture. Like he's fighting your powers.

• 1:01:04Duncan Trussell?

  Interesting. Just before I show you this, it's fascinating. It's such a specifically small amount of pubic hair, not shaved.

• 1:01:13Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I've heard, I've heard rumors of it.

• 1:01:17Duncan Trussell?

  Alright, so I've done Joe.

• 1:01:18Kurt Metzger?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:19Duncan Trussell?

  And let me do his dad.

• 1:01:21Kurt Metzger?

  Oh no, this is the guy who could potentially be his father, Gordon. What's his last name? Gordon is his last name. His first name is Saul. Oh, I'm sorry. Saul Gordon. Potential father of Joey Roses, founder of Joey Roses Sandwich, uh, uh, empire.

• 1:01:37Duncan Trussell?

  Now, for those of you-

• 1:01:39Kurt Metzger?

  Sal Gordon Jew. It's Saul. Wait, what's that book? The Last Jew?

• 1:01:46Duncan Trussell?

  One thing we know for sure-

• 1:01:47Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Afro-Jewish Critique of Jews. I like, look at this guy. Just, I mean, I honestly should probably take a look at his dick too, because I like when he's-

• 1:01:56Duncan Trussell?

  I can't do anymore of these today, man.

• 1:01:58Kurt Metzger?

  But do you like when a black guy has dreads, but he's going bald, so he looks like fucking Predator? That's one of my favorite looks. I don't have enough back hair.

• 1:02:12Kurt Metzger?

  You okay?

• 1:02:13Duncan Trussell?

  I'm fine.

• 1:02:14Kurt Metzger?

  Holy shit. Cover your mouth. Great. Do we have any covid masks here in this room?

• 1:02:21Kurt Metzger?

  Now, there's, let's put up his potential tat. Now, he's got a big smile, like he's not fighting you at all. Like, he's like, go ahead and take a look as long as you want.

• 1:02:31Duncan Trussell?

  I've never seen anything like this in my life.

• 1:02:33Kurt Metzger?

  Get a good look, son. It's okay.

• 1:02:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I don't get many, much visitors up here in

• 1:02:39Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:02:40Kurt Metzger?

  Sex therapist heaven.

• 1:02:40Duncan Trussell?

  We'll start, let's just, let's

• 1:02:42Kurt Metzger?

  Ask about my boy Joe, are you? Well, if his penis looks like this, go ahead and compare, it's fine.

• 1:02:48Duncan Trussell?

  Should I reveal it?

• 1:02:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, would you want to whip your nose or something?

• 1:02:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's not, oh, fuck.

• 1:02:55Kurt Metzger?

  Jesus, here.

• 1:02:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:02:58Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, all right, don't touch him though, because you'll contaminate it.

• 1:03:01Duncan Trussell?

  Ah.

• 1:03:02Kurt Metzger?

  How are we going on these dictroics? Are they almost done?

• 1:03:05Duncan Trussell?

  I'm done.

• 1:03:06Kurt Metzger?

  This guy is like, hey, it's cool. Sometimes you're gonna have a nosebleed when you see it.

• 1:03:10Duncan Trussell?

  It's nothing.

• 1:03:14Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:03:15Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, um, so, I, I've never seen anything like this before

• 1:03:20Kurt Metzger?

  Hold it up for the

• 1:03:20Duncan Trussell?

  in, in all the drawings. This is Joe DeRosa's

• 1:03:24Kurt Metzger?

  All right, so

• 1:03:24Duncan Trussell?

  penis.

• 1:03:25Kurt Metzger?

  Can we go zoom in? Oh, my god.

• 1:03:27Duncan Trussell?

  So

• 1:03:29Duncan Trussell?

  Now, one thing you'll notice here

• 1:03:31Kurt Metzger?

  It's like I'm at a Wachowski BDSM session.

• 1:03:34Duncan Trussell?

  One thing you'll notice here

• 1:03:35Kurt Metzger?

  Hmm.

• 1:03:35Duncan Trussell?

  is the number 23, and, and when I saw it, this was not a tattoo.

• 1:03:40Kurt Metzger?

  That has come up on Sam Altman's penis, that's a very interesting

• 1:03:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:03:45Kurt Metzger?

  Why are these 23s appearing on people's penises?

• 1:03:47Duncan Trussell?

  I've only seen it in Joe DeRosa's penis

• 1:03:50Kurt Metzger?

  And Sam Altman's

• 1:03:50Duncan Trussell?

  Sam Altman's penis, and here's Joe DeRosa's dad.

• 1:03:55Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let me get a look at it?

• 1:03:58Duncan Trussell?

  Almost identical.

• 1:03:59Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I'm sorry, just one question about it, um, can you zoom in, is, I don't know if people can see this at home? Um, it looks like a, a two and a half pound dumbbell.

• 1:04:09Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly what I was thinking. It's like a hammer. It's like a sledgehammer.

• 1:04:15Kurt Metzger?

  Which side is the balls and which is the front? Or is that not even a thing?

• 1:04:18Duncan Trussell?

  It's a great question. Yeah.

• 1:04:20Kurt Metzger?

  Or is that a head on view?

• 1:04:21Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not certain, but the, the, you'll notice that they have the identical number of pubic hair.

• 1:04:29Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is it 23 ounces? And that's the 23. Wait, so what's Joe's look like?

• 1:04:34Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:04:35Kurt Metzger?

  What's Joe's look like?

• 1:04:36Duncan Trussell?

  This is Joe's.

• 1:04:37Kurt Metzger?

  It's hard to tell. Oh.

• 1:04:40Duncan Trussell?

  This is his dad.

• 1:04:41Kurt Metzger?

  There's a very much a peanut, and I noticed the tip of Joe's dad's looks like a pharaonic helm, like headdress.

• 1:04:48Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 1:04:49Kurt Metzger?

  A pharaoh headdress.

• 1:04:50Duncan Trussell?

  Very Egyptian.

• 1:04:51Kurt Metzger?

  And I remember Joe telling me, you know, I've never seen it, but I've, I've heard he has like a pharaoh helmet on his helmet.

• 1:05:00Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:05:01Kurt Metzger?

  There you go, like one of them.

• 1:05:03Duncan Trussell?

  Huh.

• 1:05:04Kurt Metzger?

  No, not a Cleopatra. Uh, he's circumcised, but he has, there you go.

• 1:05:09Duncan Trussell?

  Go to the mystery boys Patreon for a chance to win a drawing of Jodoros's penis.

• 1:05:13Kurt Metzger?

  Now that is a.

• 1:05:15Duncan Trussell?

  The original.

• 1:05:17Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, the mystery deepens on this one, but uh.

• 1:05:19Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, I was leaking a little bit. Oh.

• 1:05:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's very hard. I mean, you wouldn't think it would be so hard to get into Joey Rose's trousers.

• 1:05:27Duncan Trussell?

  Could you pass a few more clea- you know, some people have natural psychic shields.

• 1:05:31Kurt Metzger?

  We don't have that many, so I mean, don't. Don't lose them all.

• 1:05:35Duncan Trussell?

  Let me just go, uh, let me go wash my face off. Be right back.

• 1:05:43Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Is he okay?

• 1:05:51Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God. He really bled a lot.

• 1:05:57Kurt Metzger?

  Holy shit. Oh man, he just passed out. All right, well, I got, guess what? I got some wet ass pussy right now. I gotta go to the bathroom.

• 1:06:11Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:06:12Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, scroll up again. I didn't get to read that.

• 1:06:14Kurt Metzger?

  I'll read it. In the early 2000s, Larry Wachowski, now known as Lana Wachowski, that's a nice move of a name, began frequenting Los Angeles BDSM clubs. Anyone in particular? During a high-profile divorce, tabloids revealed they were da- they, both of them, were dating Karen Winslow, a professional dominatrix known as Ilsa Strix. This lifestyle is often cited as a key inspiration for the latex-heavy, power-dynamic themes in the Matrix sequels.

• 1:06:45Duncan Trussell?

  Now look up Ilsa Strix Buck Angel.

• 1:06:48Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Early 2000s, Larry Wachowski, now known as Lana Wachowski, is that the heavier set one? Begin frequenting Los Angeles BDSM clubs. During a ho- high-profile divorce, tabloids revealed they were dating Karen Winslow, a professional dominatrix known as Ilsa Strix. This lifestyle often cited as a key inspiration for the latex-heavy, power-dynamic themes in the Matrix sequels. All the Matrixes are latex-heavy.

• 1:07:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 1:07:15Kurt Metzger?

  The high-profile connection became public knowledge in 2003 when Larry's wife, Thea Bloom, filed for divorce. Court documents revealed Larry had struck up a relationship with Winslow, a fetish uh, video performer and dominatrix who previously went by the name Ilsa Strix. Uh, tabloid sees on the story in the highly inclusive Wachowskis face a barrage of media scrutiny. This period became one of the first major public controversies of the filmmakers, who famously negotiated contracts that exempted them from press obligations, had to navigate. You know how weird that is off the top?

• 1:07:51Duncan Trussell?

  That's, but that's pretty badass.

• 1:07:54Kurt Metzger?

  No, I mean, it's a great idea, but just like, how would you know to do that unless you, okay. It was during this time Larry brought Strix as his date to the 2003 premiere of Matrix Reloaded. Okay. For many fans, this revelation shed light on the BDSM dominatrix and latex aesthetics. Yeah, I, it was clear they were like, you know what's cool? That German cyber.

• 1:08:13Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:14Kurt Metzger?

  Cyber goth look. Yeah. Uh, particularly in the hyper-sexualized leather-clad costume designs and pervasive themes of bondage, discipline, and negotiation of power. Long after the initial media storm, the Wachowskis made headlines for a much more personal reason. Their respective gender transitions. Larry came out as a transgender woman.

• 1:08:35Kurt Metzger?

  Lana around 2010. Andy came out as Lily in 2016. Lana eventually married Winslow and the two were seen together at the premiere of Cloud Atlas.

• 1:08:45Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:08:46Kurt Metzger?

  So I promise you this fucking broad, this Winslow broad, has filled both of their heads because she's dating, married to one and dating the other one?

• 1:08:54Duncan Trussell?

  Can we confirm that the Wachowski brothers went to the same sex dungeon? Because maybe that's where I'm off. But they did both.

• 1:09:00Kurt Metzger?

  No, she said they date, they both did, so.

• 1:09:02Duncan Trussell?

  I think, no, they were saying they as in the politically correct term for.

• 1:09:06Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's not necessarily. Oh, you assholes. So there's four brothers now.

• 1:09:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, fuck you.

• 1:09:14Duncan Trussell?

  No, they did not go together, but they went. Oh, wait, no, the other one wasn't involved.

• 1:09:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, why did Lily transition? That's the real question. The Larry one's really easy to figure out.

• 1:09:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what, what, how, what are the odds that both would transition?

• 1:09:32Kurt Metzger?

  But Cloud Atlas is a, you see Cloud Atlas?

• 1:09:36Duncan Trussell?

  I never saw it. Was it good?

• 1:09:37Kurt Metzger?

  It's got Tom Hanks in it, so you know it's from the devil.

• 1:09:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, she did not switch up.

• 1:09:45Duncan Trussell?

  For about a year before she, yeah.

• 1:09:47Kurt Metzger?

  But why? A powerful public statement. Okay. Oh, okay. Let's click on that Windy City Times. Click on that. Let's see what she says. No, no, not that one. It's, oh, yeah, there you go. There you go. Okay, the uglier one comes out as trans. Let's go. They're not his hot sister. Look, if you're not going to be hot, why be a woman? Is that a fair question? I get it if you're going to be hot, but if you're not going to be hot? We all know, and I think you know this, Duncan, that there's no, nothing more important than your outer layer of physicality.

• 1:10:21Duncan Trussell?

  Your shell.

• 1:10:22Kurt Metzger?

  Your shell, your mortal shell is the most important thing there is.

• 1:10:25Duncan Trussell?

  All that matters.

• 1:10:26Kurt Metzger?

  And if we've, if we've done our looks maxing, which we've been doing our end of it.

• 1:10:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. I'm shooting up with gold.

• 1:10:33Kurt Metzger?

  And so I, I gotta say, I felt like I like Larry better as Farva than as Marva.

• 1:10:40Duncan Trussell?

  I'm going to agree with you there. I'm going to agree with you.

• 1:10:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, let's see the statement.

• 1:10:46Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:10:47Kurt Metzger?

  Sex change shocker. Wachowski brothers now sisters. There's the headline I've been waiting for this past year. Well, I should imagine so. Up until now with dread and or eye roll and or eye rolling. Oh yeah. Roll your eyes like this shit happens all the time. The biggest movie ever that every midwif that I've ever met is like makes you think, doesn't it?

• 1:11:08Duncan Trussell?

  It wakes you up.

• 1:11:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, baby, you will, but it's like the matrix. It never made me think. Well, made me think, are these guys trans? And they were. Uh, but why are you rolling your eyes as if, uh, brother directors become sisters every other fucking day?

• 1:11:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Kurt Metzger?

  No, of course it's a.

• 1:11:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's never happened.

• 1:11:25Kurt Metzger?

  It's literally shocking. It was shock. I'm not telling you it's bad. Clearly it was the right move.

• 1:11:30Duncan Trussell?

  For them. But it's never happened. I've never heard of that happening.

• 1:11:33Kurt Metzger?

  For one brother, the other brother, you're not hot. What do you want? I get the hot brother or sister, excuse me. It don't matter. Now that October 7th happened, there's no more woke. So I can say whatever. I literally can say whatever the fuck I want.

• 1:11:45Duncan Trussell?

  You're allowed to have an opinion.

• 1:11:47Kurt Metzger?

  This is the Rogan sphere, motherfucker. Okay. We say.

• 1:11:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, welcome to the motherfucking Rogan.

• 1:11:56Duncan Trussell?

  Rogan'sville!

• 1:11:57Kurt Metzger?

  Welcome to the Rogandrome. Okay, we just do whatever the fuck we want.

• 1:12:03Duncan Trussell?

  Anything.

• 1:12:04Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Rogan comes in on a throne and fucking.

• 1:12:06Duncan Trussell?

  I just shit my pants.

• 1:12:08Kurt Metzger?

  Fuck you.

• 1:12:09Duncan Trussell?

  Now what? Gonna shut me down?

• 1:12:14Kurt Metzger?

  Captain and the Drifter, new, new album coming soon. Oh, I just shit my pants. Now what? That's track three. Thank you.

• 1:12:24Kurt Metzger?

  Thank you.

• 1:12:25Duncan Trussell?

  Pawning the game.

• 1:12:26Kurt Metzger?

  You know, we weren't supposed to drop it.

• 1:12:27Duncan Trussell?

  There it is. You weren't supposed to reveal it right away.

• 1:12:30Kurt Metzger?

  I'm glad you did.

• 1:12:31Duncan Trussell?

  There it is.

• 1:12:32Kurt Metzger?

  It's almost like a, a.

• 1:12:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it looks really goo- you know.

• 1:12:40Duncan Trussell?

  You know what? This is a good time. By the way, if we're, if we're gonna do our.

• 1:12:43Kurt Metzger?

  Please text me that right now.

• 1:12:54Duncan Trussell?

  Guys, since we've revealed our album that we made together, I thought that'd be a good time-

• 1:12:59Kurt Metzger?

  We'll show the album again, it's pretty great.

• 1:13:03Kurt Metzger?

  Can we see the album cover? Jesus Christ Duncan!

• 1:13:07Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, damn it.

• 1:13:08Kurt Metzger?

  Were you-

• 1:13:11Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, well-

• 1:13:11Duncan Trussell?

  Anyway, look, this is a song that I made on this album-

• 1:13:14Kurt Metzger?

  Get a picture of this holding tissues for the album cover.

• 1:13:16Duncan Trussell?

  I just wanna dedicate this song to Lindsey Graham.

• 1:13:29Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up a picture of Lindsey?

• 1:13:55Kurt Metzger?

  That's beautiful, thank you.

• 1:14:02Kurt Metzger?

  Why'd you draw his penis?

• 1:14:06Duncan Trussell?

  That's a great idea!

• 1:14:14Duncan Trussell?

  That's gonna hurt.

• 1:14:16Kurt Metzger?

  I'm imagining when I was doing the keyboards for this.

• 1:14:19Duncan Trussell?

  Ah dude, wait till you guys see the video of us doing this live. At the Viper Room.

• 1:14:31Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Johnny Depp hears this?

• 1:14:37Kurt Metzger?

  Any plans for Disney World this spring?

• 1:14:39Duncan Trussell?

  No, we're not gonna go to Disney World this time.

• 1:14:45Kurt Metzger?

  Holy shit dude!

• 1:14:52Kurt Metzger?

  We get this for the album?

• 1:15:06Kurt Metzger?

  I like that you kept "Norma Jean" as the word. It's really a cover.

• 1:15:12Kurt Metzger?

  You didn't even Princess Diana this one, did you?

• 1:15:16Duncan Trussell?

  Here it is.

• 1:15:24Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, this is beautiful. And what a beautiful tribute to Lindsey.

• 1:15:28Duncan Trussell?

  Lindsey Graham's penis is now with Jesus.

• 1:15:34Kurt Metzger?

  He died a poor man, but not in, uh, spirit and tribute songs.

• 1:15:42Duncan Trussell?

  If you're out there, Lindsey, I hope you heard my song.

• 1:15:47Kurt Metzger?

  What a beautiful...

• 1:15:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, hey, speaking of nosebleeds.

• 1:15:52Duncan Trussell?

  What's that?

• 1:15:53Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't we ask Buster to solve this Wachowski thing?

• 1:15:56Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.

• 1:15:58Kurt Metzger?

  And maybe some of the Lindsey Graham mystery because, uh, the timelines don't add up for him to just have a...

• 1:16:03Duncan Trussell?

  You're right.

• 1:16:04Kurt Metzger?

  Did you hunt a deer and kill it yourself?

• 1:16:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:16:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God, you got it all over your shirt.

• 1:16:10Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, shit. Yeah.

• 1:16:11Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's cool with the jacket, though. That's gonna look good later. That's gonna look like you were in that jacket.

• 1:16:16Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, you know, maybe I should go wash up. Um...

• 1:16:19Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, we're gonna just do a quick break. We're gonna go to our, uh, speaking of BDSM fucking gross people. We're gonna talk to Tanner's friend Buster.

• 1:16:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, he's the bird.

• 1:16:31Kurt Metzger?

  That guy is the worst.

• 1:16:36Duncan Trussell?

  Shit.

• 1:16:42Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, we're back. Uh, we got, uh, this piece of shit Buster. He's a BDSM expert. And he's Tanner's friend from school. I don't like him. Didn't want to take him out.

• 1:16:54Kurt Metzger?

  That's why I got him right by the neck.

• 1:16:57Kurt Metzger?

  What? What's the matter?

• 1:16:59Duncan Trussell?

  I think he's saying you gotta pull his string. On his back, right in the, right there, the thing that operates his mouth.

• 1:17:05Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:17:06Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? Well, okay, I go, oh, oh yeah, do it. Oh yeah.

• 1:17:12Kurt Metzger?

  You piece of shit, buzzard.

• 1:17:13Duncan Trussell?

  I scotched, didn't I? That's one of my favorite tricks.

• 1:17:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god.

• 1:17:17Duncan Trussell?

  String's broken, you dumb shit.

• 1:17:19Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 1:17:20Duncan Trussell?

  I just like to get jerked around.

• 1:17:22Kurt Metzger?

  No, I know, I noticed when I tried to pull the string. Real funny.

• 1:17:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it's true BDSM is part of the Matrix story, but what's most important is the Matrix itself. That's my favorite film.

• 1:17:35Kurt Metzger?

  Is it? Why?

• 1:17:36Duncan Trussell?

  Well, because it's all about the red pill or the blue pill. And haven't you ever looked around and thought, holy shit, man, this stuff don't seem real?

• 1:17:45Kurt Metzger?

  I like Total Recall where he, he spits, he shoots the guy in the head and spits the red pill on his dumb face.

• 1:17:50Duncan Trussell?

  Total Recall is a shit film.

• 1:17:53Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:17:53Duncan Trussell?

  It only reflects on your taste.

• 1:17:55Kurt Metzger?

  I think it's the story of how he banged his Mexican maid and had a son.

• 1:17:59Duncan Trussell?

  The Matrix features a cyberpunk story, the technological fall of humanity, in which the creation of artificial intelligence led the way to a race of powerful and self-aware machines that imprison humans in a neural interactive simulation. The Matrix, which was also the name of the room at the dungeon. I would go in there and I would get fisted by Filipinos.

• 1:18:24Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. We don't need to bring Tanner's heritage into this.

• 1:18:28Duncan Trussell?

  Nothing wrong with Filipinos, they're the best fisters.

• 1:18:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, did you ever see, uh, Larry Wachowski there?

• 1:18:36Duncan Trussell?

  Have you ever been fisted?

• 1:18:38Kurt Metzger?

  No, never once.

• 1:18:39Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you should get fisted by a Filipino.

• 1:18:41Kurt Metzger?

  Why? Do they, oh, we don't need to look up.

• 1:18:48Duncan Trussell?

  Pull it up!

• 1:18:49Kurt Metzger?

  Please don't, alright.

• 1:18:50Duncan Trussell?

  Pull it up!

• 1:18:51Kurt Metzger?

  Maybe just a minute.

• 1:18:52Duncan Trussell?

  There you go. Filipino fisted. Yeah. Ah, fuck, there you go. Now look right there. Now look! What's wrong?

• 1:19:04Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's how they turn.

• 1:19:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you don't like cupcakes? Look at the precision. Look at the flower growing from a well.

• 1:19:14Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, tap out, you gotta tap out.

• 1:19:18Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is this an ad? Oh, thank, I've never been so happy for an ad.

• 1:19:24Duncan Trussell?

  There we go.

• 1:19:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:19:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, look how good they are.

• 1:19:27Kurt Metzger?

  This is basically what Flight Club was about.

• 1:19:29Duncan Trussell?

  You have to understand, you can't see your own butthole. So to be able to target it with that level of precision is almost supernatural.

• 1:19:37Duncan Trussell?

  They have a direct connection with their buttholes. It's the same thing salmon going upstream. Their fists go right to their butt. Blindfolded.

• 1:19:48Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't think that. By the way, you notice that lady's eyebrows that she drew in?

• 1:19:55Kurt Metzger?

  Not to, but not to distract from the main view.

• 1:19:57Duncan Trussell?

  Let me tell you something, when I'm looking at a lady, it's not her eyebrows, it's her fist.

• 1:20:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God. So.

• 1:20:07Duncan Trussell?

  If I ever get married, it'll be to a woman with fist and hands.

• 1:20:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, what's that?

• 1:20:14Duncan Trussell?

  Take that off the damn screen.

• 1:20:16Kurt Metzger?

  Who's that?

• 1:20:17Duncan Trussell?

  Take that off. What is this TMZ? Take this off the screen. Never show that again.

• 1:20:23Kurt Metzger?

  Now, okay. Buster.

• 1:20:28Kurt Metzger?

  Dear God. Uh, Buster, uh, did you ever encounter? I know you frequent these kind of establishments. Did you ever encounter Lana Wikowski and this Ilsa Strix?

• 1:20:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, of course. Ilsa Strix, yeah. Yeah, she ran the place. You'd go in there and she'd slap your ass for free.

• 1:20:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:20:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well, I encountered them. What's the big deal?

• 1:20:50Kurt Metzger?

  I'm just asking if you noticed. I mean, he went in as Larry and came out as Lana. So I guess, did you see anything that could help us with this case?

• 1:20:58Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I do know that there was a little bit of a problem. You see, when I first started coming to the dungeon, you'd always run into Buck Angel. One of my favorite actors. Can you pull up a picture of Buck Angel?

• 1:21:10Kurt Metzger?

  Buck Angel, a really grizzled dude.

• 1:21:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, there he is.

• 1:21:13Kurt Metzger?

  Except for his pussy.

• 1:21:14Duncan Trussell?

  Right there. Now that's a man's man.

• 1:21:19Kurt Metzger?

  My god.

• 1:21:19Duncan Trussell?

  Good man. Buck Angel.

• 1:21:21Kurt Metzger?

  He looks like the man Brigitte Macron used to be.

• 1:21:25Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, well, I know one thing. He's a sweetie and, and he has great cigars. And he was a great addition to the dungeon. Well, then those Wachowski sluts come in.

• 1:21:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Duncan Trussell?

  Next thing you know, they're getting all the attention from, from what's her, wait, what's her name?

• 1:21:44Kurt Metzger?

  Ilsa Strix?

• 1:21:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, next thing I know, they're getting all the attention.

• 1:21:48Kurt Metzger?

  Her real name's Karen, obviously.

• 1:21:50Duncan Trussell?

  They're getting all the attention for that Ilsa Strix. Yeah, she fell in love with both of those sweet brothers and, and, and, and, and poor Buck Angel's heart was broken open. And she left, she had, she got them to transition and then she just left Buck Angel on the side of the dungeon, like a, like an old cum rack.

• 1:22:12Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my gosh. But neither of them had a weener, right? So I mean, like I.

• 1:22:17Duncan Trussell?

  Define weener.

• 1:22:19Kurt Metzger?

  It can't be a vagina, can it?

• 1:22:22Duncan Trussell?

  Depends on the vagina, I guess.

• 1:22:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. If I get a hot dog and you give me a bun with another bun inside of it, I feel like I did not get a hot dog.

• 1:22:29Duncan Trussell?

  If you give me some hot dogs, I'll put them in my vagina.

• 1:22:36Duncan Trussell?

  Buster, what the fuck? What are you talking about? I didn't know you two were sex negative.

• 1:22:43Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I don't go in these, for these labels of sex. If you gotta say it.

• 1:22:47Duncan Trussell?

  We're not being sex negative. I just, it doesn't seem sanitary to put hot dogs in a vagina.

• 1:22:52Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, uh, thank you.

• 1:22:53Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. What the fuck?

• 1:22:55Kurt Metzger?

  Thank you for, uh.

• 1:22:57Duncan Trussell?

  There you go. Look at that, look at that dog. Now that's a real Frank.

• 1:23:01Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So there were, your question's answered. I don't know how better to illustrate.

• 1:23:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:07Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, were they even married? Buck Angel and this woman?

• 1:23:10Duncan Trussell?

  Were they, were they married? What do you care? If they were married, love is love.

• 1:23:14Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, you know what? If I don't have the right end on my charger cord, it don't work. So.

• 1:23:19Duncan Trussell?

  Okay. Well, if I have a charger cord, I'm going to tie it around my dick and balls until they turn blue.

• 1:23:27Duncan Trussell?

  Jesus Christ, Buster.

• 1:23:28Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I think he likes when we stuff him in the drawer. I'm, I, I know.

• 1:23:32Duncan Trussell?

  I'm starting to feel like we've been manipulated by this fucking puppet.

• 1:23:35Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I felt, uh, can I be honest? I felt that way this whole time.

• 1:23:38Duncan Trussell?

  No, not at all. I hate that drawer. I hate it. I hate it when you jerk me around and put lipstick on me. Nothing worse.

• 1:23:44Kurt Metzger?

  Is this, what is this?

• 1:23:45Duncan Trussell?

  Take that off.

• 1:23:47Kurt Metzger?

  No, no.

• 1:23:47Duncan Trussell?

  Take that off. What is this? TMZ? I'm telling you, if you keep pulling up people from my past, I'll walk.

• 1:23:53Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, uh, Buck Angel?

• 1:23:54Duncan Trussell?

  I'll walk. Doesn't matter who that is. Take it off the screen.

• 1:23:59Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, I'm not trying to touch your nerve.

• 1:24:01Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up my pants?

• 1:24:07Duncan Trussell?

  Can you pull up my pants, please? Oh, I guess you can't do that. You know what? Just pull them down then.

• 1:24:14Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna throw you on the fucking floor.

• 1:24:17Duncan Trussell?

  No, please don't do that. Please don't throw me on the floor.

• 1:24:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, now you want me, I, you're not, I'm not gonna make you come today, Buster.

• 1:24:24Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that won't make me come, Daddy. I won't come, Daddy. If you don't want me to come, I won't come, Daddy.

• 1:24:30Kurt Metzger?

  Don't quote songs from our album. And try to manipulate me.

• 1:24:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, don't steal our songs. What the fuck? Well, anyway, The Matrix is a great film. I highly recommend it to anybody who's interested in reality and the truth. Cause let me tell you, it's, it's, I, I would take that red pill right away.

• 1:24:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh, now.

• 1:24:52Duncan Trussell?

  Morpheus.

• 1:24:58Kurt Metzger?

  Is there any, remember when that black lady said, uh, Matrix is stolen? Can you put her up?

• 1:25:02Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, here we go. Why don't you show her?

• 1:25:06Kurt Metzger?

  You don't, you don't believe her?

• 1:25:07Duncan Trussell?

  Of course not. This parasitic bitch.

• 1:25:09Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 1:25:10Duncan Trussell?

  Fuck, Buster.

• 1:25:12Kurt Metzger?

  All right, uh, Sophia Stewart.

• 1:25:16Kurt Metzger?

  Let's see what she has to say. She says she, go ahead, see it says created the Matrix?

• 1:25:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, and I wrote the Bible.

• 1:25:23Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, go back to the video of her talking about how she created it and how they stole it.

• 1:25:28Kurt Metzger?

  Let's just hear her out Buster.

• 1:25:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:25:31Speaker 06

  So when you go to court, and when I went to court, I was suing for money and damages. I didn't have to prove I was the owner of The Matrix and Terminator. All I had to do was 296 pieces of evidence to claim my money. They adapted my Third Eye Matrix and Terminator book and with the script with the same name into these movies and films that you guys are enjoying. What The Matrix represents for some people, because you mentioned it and we're gonna definitely open that whole conversation up, is like the idea of wokeness, being woke.

• 1:26:03Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:26:04Speaker 06

  And it does seem that there is a wokeness about yourself. The Third Eye was the book that was at the heart of this conversation.

• 1:26:12Duncan Trussell?

  Jesus fucking Christ.

• 1:26:13Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I hate to be with Buster on this, but...

• 1:26:16Speaker 06

  Seen as something that was taken for, from The Terminator and The Matrix took something out of that particular book. What have... That's not correct what you're saying. Let me correct you.

• 1:26:28Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, great.

• 1:26:29Speaker 06

  So people won't be mimicking rumors.

• 1:26:30Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:26:31Speaker 06

  Because a lot of people are just reading stuff off of the internet.

• 1:26:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:34Speaker 06

  But if you really want to know the facts about me, you need to go to the archives and read the real media.

• 1:26:39Duncan Trussell?

  I ain't going to any fucking archives to find out about you.

• 1:26:41Speaker 06

  They've written about me, because they have to put the truth in these media documents and stuff.

• 1:26:47Kurt Metzger?

  What archives?

• 1:26:48Duncan Trussell?

  What the fucking archives?

• 1:26:49Speaker 06

  Reports, documents, facts. They did not take my copyrighted book or my copyrighted script. What they did was a licensing deal without paying for it.

• 1:27:00Duncan Trussell?

  Jeez.

• 1:27:00Speaker 06

  They adapted my Third Eye Matrix and Terminator book with the script with the same name into these movies and films that you guys are enjoying. And when they could not duplicate or get any more, what I would say, eclipse, because only a creator can eclipse the work and carry on. If Picasso was here now, you would get any more Picasso.

• 1:27:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, is there any...

• 1:27:29Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, the name Sophia means wisdom.

• 1:27:31Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah. Sure.

• 1:27:37Kurt Metzger?

  So Terminator, by the way, was actually stolen from Harland Ellison. And he sued successfully. So no, it wasn't stolen from her.

• 1:27:43Duncan Trussell?

  No shit, really?

• 1:27:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:45Duncan Trussell?

  Well, maybe he stole it from her too.

• 1:27:46Kurt Metzger?

  He stole it from Larry Ellison. No, he didn't. Uh, yeah, no, her, uh, cause if you could find her actual script for it, it's hilarious because it's clearly she didn't write a book. She wrote like a, like several ideas down on several pieces of paper. It's like, that's why I, I wanted to win because it's so clearly just a crazy person. And that would be the most ma- then you know the Matrix is real, for real.

• 1:28:10Duncan Trussell?

  Wow, yeah, it could, I mean, that is true, but who hasn't thought of the Matrix? Shut the fuck up, like you've ever had an original idea in your goddamn life?

• 1:28:19Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh, I feel like we're getting off topic, Buster. Now-

• 1:28:23Duncan Trussell?

  Chill out.

• 1:28:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, just relax. So, okay. When did the other brother, because I'm confused as to whether that brother was showing up to be, uh, because the other brother, like five years later, why would he turn and transition?

• 1:28:36Duncan Trussell?

  Why did he choose to transition?

• 1:28:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:38Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you, uh, let me just talk a little bit about the Matrix and maybe it'll make more sense. You see, in the Matrix, you live in a simulated reality. Your bodies are being used as fuel.

• 1:28:51Kurt Metzger?

  I'm the captain, so I know.

• 1:28:53Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you're not acting like you know.

• 1:28:56Kurt Metzger?

  I want to know if you know.

• 1:28:57Duncan Trussell?

  I do know, and I'm happy to say.

• 1:29:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, sorry.

• 1:29:01Duncan Trussell?

  You see, in the Matrix, as it turns out, you're in a, you're in some kind of pod where the robots have to feed on your shit. And then they simulate reality and, and that's what we could all possibly be in. But you recover your butt-

• 1:29:14Kurt Metzger?

  One little thing, originally in the Matrix, it wasn't that humans were batteries because humans are not really a good source of electrical power.

• 1:29:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:21Kurt Metzger?

  A potato would do you better. But humans were linked together as a neural network. So they were actually the hard, you know, the RAM and hard drive of the computer, but the, one of the producers said-

• 1:29:31Duncan Trussell?

  Don't act like you know what RAM is.

• 1:29:33Kurt Metzger?

  I do know, I used to sell computers.

• 1:29:35Duncan Trussell?

  You used to sell computers?

• 1:29:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, nobody, yeah. Nobody beats the whiz.

• 1:29:39Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:29:40Kurt Metzger?

  Think of RAM as your desktop. It's, you got more space on your desk, you can take a lot of files out and make a big mess.

• 1:29:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. As in ram your fist into my ass. Dude. Buster. All right. Look, I don't know.

• 1:29:57Kurt Metzger?

  Look, you can't just come out of the box and then start quoting songs off of our album to us like we don't know what you're doing.

• 1:30:02Duncan Trussell?

  You know our album, you're ripping it off. But go ahead. What happened Buster? Like, did the two go to the same dungeon? What are the odds of two people, two brothers, transitioning? I don't know. What do I look like? Albert Einstein of trans? I have no idea. Miracles happen. These two brothers decided to express their true identity in the forms of two beautiful women.

• 1:30:25Kurt Metzger?

  Why were they so reclusive, I wonder?

• 1:30:28Duncan Trussell?

  I don't, well, look what you two are doing, ripping them to shreds on this, on one of the most popular podcasts.

• 1:30:34Kurt Metzger?

  I'm just trying to solve a mystery, okay? I'm just a guy out here, fighting mysteries, making albums, talking to freaks.

• 1:30:41Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, we're just the mystery boys.

• 1:30:42Kurt Metzger?

  Down in the mud with you, Buster.

• 1:30:44Duncan Trussell?

  We're not trying to hurt anybody. Well, okay, you want to solve a real mystery?

• 1:30:49Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:30:50Duncan Trussell?

  What's in my butt?

• 1:30:54Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, is there any answer I'm gonna like?

• 1:30:57Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you'll never know until you...

• 1:31:14Duncan Trussell?

  Oh my god. I look great.

• 1:31:23Kurt Metzger?

  What is, it's unclear what our relationship is. How we came to form a band.

• 1:31:28Duncan Trussell?

  Not unclear at all.

• 1:31:32Duncan Trussell?

  It's very clear, I'd say.

• 1:31:39Kurt Metzger?

  I don't feel any closer to the solving this mystery.

• 1:31:43Duncan Trussell?

  Never been more. Well, look at those albums. Look at those titles. Ladybugs in the Wind. Captain Controls the Universe, Four Clap Off, Buster Gave Consent. What the fuck?

• 1:31:58Kurt Metzger?

  Don't try to take it back now, Buster gave consent, remember?

• 1:32:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, that means do whatever you want.

• 1:32:06Kurt Metzger?

  And then you sing your part Buster, where you go, no, no.

• 1:32:08Duncan Trussell?

  No, no, no, no, I really don't want this to happen to me, why am I falling asleep?

• 1:32:19Kurt Metzger?

  So, I don't know, are we any closer to this Wachowski mystery?

• 1:32:25Duncan Trussell?

  Look, everything's a mystery if you look at it in a certain way.

• 1:32:32Kurt Metzger?

  I just can't believe how vintage our album is, it really, I mean, you bring that out of the party.

• 1:32:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, Moon Gooner, now I'm gonna admit, that's a pretty good tune. Moon Gooner, give me a ride, duck's out of the moon, that's where I crash.

• 1:32:56Kurt Metzger?

  Buster, I'm gonna stick you back in that box.

• 1:32:58Duncan Trussell?

  Moon Gooner, splattering car, jack in the, ah, oh, oh, oh, no.

• 1:33:08Kurt Metzger?

  Stop coming!

• 1:33:11Kurt Metzger?

  You know, it's gross.

• 1:33:13Duncan Trussell?

  He's fucked up.

• 1:33:15Kurt Metzger?

  It's always a mistake, every single time.

• 1:33:18Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, why do we keep putting him on the show, is the thing I keep wondering. You guys don't know who this puppet is?

• 1:33:25Kurt Metzger?

  We thought he went to school with Tanner.

• 1:33:27Duncan Trussell?

  Where did this puppet come from?

• 1:33:30Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, how old now are you, Tanner?

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  Twenty-four.

• 1:33:35Kurt Metzger?

  And what grade are you in?

• 1:33:37Speaker 02

  What? Uh, sophomore.

• 1:33:41Speaker 02

  Nice, nice, nice grade.

• 1:33:47Duncan Trussell?

  That's great, that's actually really good, man.

• 1:33:51Kurt Metzger?

  Because I was asking if you had any teen problems that you wanted help with.

• 1:33:56Speaker 02

  My teen problem?

• 1:33:57Duncan Trussell?

  You have any teen problems?

• 1:33:57Kurt Metzger?

  You said, "Girls don't want to talk."

• 1:33:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm struggling, struggling to talk to the girls.

• 1:34:03Duncan Trussell?

  You don't have to struggle to talk to girls.

• 1:34:04Kurt Metzger?

  He said they don't want to talk about the Libra vacay.

• 1:34:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Well, you know, that that is a problem. Some ladies, you kind of have to like soften them up a little bit before you talk about that book.

• 1:34:14Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, maybe use a sunstone.

• 1:34:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, start off with a sunstone gift.

• 1:34:18Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, we're halfway to a homunculus and just the amount of blood that the.

• 1:34:22Duncan Trussell?

  I know, I'm sorry about that. I really, it poured today. That's probably the rain.

• 1:34:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I think before we wrap up though, because we didn't get to figure this out. We've never, um, we never removed you the Wachowski sisters penises.

• 1:34:38Duncan Trussell?

  You want me to do that for real?

• 1:34:41Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I know you cleaned your shirt, but.

• 1:34:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it one more time, but I'm not doing it on the show anymore. I can't keep doing this.

• 1:34:49Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:34:50Duncan Trussell?

  It is having, you know, obviously it's like drawing out my nose or something.

• 1:34:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Well, maybe because I don't know, like, because I don't know if they, was that on the website if they kept their, you know, the most important question is they keep their wiener or not?

• 1:35:06Duncan Trussell?

  And I'll, and also if I seem like I'm hesitating with this one, it's only because.

• 1:35:10Kurt Metzger?

  You bled over everything in the studio.

• 1:35:12Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's because the Wachowski sisters, as they are now, are very powerful, um, sorcerers.

• 1:35:21Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, that's an incorrect question. No, the machines of the matrix did not cut male human generals off. I knew that.

• 1:35:30Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, I don't think you can really answer that truth. I mean, maybe they did. I think they probably did. I mean, some of them, who knows? You don't know what all the machines are doing. There could have easily been a castration machine. I'm not trying to be a matrix nerd, but.

• 1:35:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I mean, in a way it is. And then they're like in the earth, all the, in Zion, you know, having a rave, nothing grosser than that.

• 1:35:54Kurt Metzger?

  When, wait, did the Wachowski brothers keep their peni?

• 1:35:59Duncan Trussell?

  Fair question.

• 1:36:01Kurt Metzger?

  Pen, yeah. Oh, there's two eyes for that? That's.

• 1:36:07Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's not been publicly disclosed. That's why we gotta use your power.

• 1:36:11Duncan Trussell?

  As they generally keep the medical aspects of their transition out of the public eye.

• 1:36:14Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I guess it's time for the third eye to poke its nose in their fucking business. I guess the third eye is gonna poke his bloody, bloody nose into their fucking pants.

• 1:36:23Duncan Trussell?

  I know. What's the other one's name? Lily and?

• 1:36:27Kurt Metzger?

  Lily and silly because of her yarn hair?

• 1:36:30Duncan Trussell?

  Lily and who?

• 1:36:32Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Lana.

• 1:36:33Duncan Trussell?

  Lana.

• 1:36:34Kurt Metzger?

  Where are their parents? Probably dead from pride.

• 1:36:39Kurt Metzger?

  They probably had a heart attack from being so overjoyed with how everything turned out.

• 1:36:43Duncan Trussell?

  Lana. Okay. Normally I do the lesser banishing ritual of the.

• 1:36:48Kurt Metzger?

  Ron and Lynn. Let's get a look. The Wachowski siblings, formerly known as the Wachowski brothers, were born to Lynn Lynn Nier Luckinbill, I guess that's her maiden name, and Ron Wachowski. Their mother was a nurse and painter and their father was a businessman. Both parents were avid film enthusiasts who fostered the siblings' early interest in movies. The profound bond of the siblings shared with their mother and father deeply influenced their personal and creative lives. How's it going? Alright, I'm just trying to read about them. This significant, uh, oh, in the late 2010s, Ron and Lynn Wachowski passed away just...

• 1:37:27Kurt Metzger?

  You got it? Okay, just five weeks, the tissues are here. Uh, don't use them all up, but they're here.

• 1:37:35Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. So their parents passed away in the late 2010s. This significant personal loss was the primary driving force behind Lana Wachowski's decision to return to the Matrix franchise. So Lana's the big head one. So that's why part four wasn't good. The hotter one wasn't there. But the real question is who has the nicer penis?

• 1:37:57Kurt Metzger?

  You got it?

• 1:38:00Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, are you, are we good?

• 1:38:01Duncan Trussell?

  I'm on Lily. I'm doing Lana. It's circles of protection. Well, I.

• 1:38:06Kurt Metzger?

  They gotta make like a.

• 1:38:09Kurt Metzger?

  A drifter needs like a mind laxative of some kind. Oh, did I tell you I found my DMT pen? I forgot to whip it out. Yeah, you wanna take a hit off that?

• 1:38:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that will help.

• 1:38:18Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:38:20Duncan Trussell?

  Their protection is strong.

• 1:38:22Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is that allowed?

• 1:38:23Duncan Trussell?

  It's not real DMT.

• 1:38:26Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, cuz it's not real, but I know it's probably not good. There you go, buddy.

• 1:38:34Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you.

• 1:38:35Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, nice DMT hit. Think about Wachowski sisters penises. See if you can remote view their peni. It's probably gotta heat it up a bit.

• 1:38:51Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Oh shit, it worked? Do you know when Danny Jones did that DMT laser experiment? He told me? You know where people say they see the code of the universe and shit? And you can find this probably online, but Danny Jones did it and he saw the dicks. I swear to God.

• 1:39:08Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't surprise me.

• 1:39:12Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit, man.

• 1:39:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's an unmistakable odor.

• 1:39:15Duncan Trussell?

  I've never seen anything like this before, anything like this. I don't even know what this...

• 1:39:28Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God, there's suspense.

• 1:39:31Duncan Trussell?

  Here it is.

• 1:39:33Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 1:39:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God, that's the...

• 1:39:39Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's a pungent...

• 1:39:41Duncan Trussell?

  It's a pungent odor.

• 1:39:45Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, uh...

• 1:39:49Duncan Trussell?

  Just to explain what just happened, I...

• 1:39:53Kurt Metzger?

  You held that hit pretty good.

• 1:39:54Duncan Trussell?

  I went through a, um...

• 1:39:58Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, it's hard to explain. It was just a cathedral of iron dicks and...

• 1:40:04Kurt Metzger?

  That's on Saturn. That's called the Cathedral of Pain.

• 1:40:06Duncan Trussell?

  There's a cathedral...

• 1:40:08Duncan Trussell?

  It felt like I was on Saturn and honestly, this is what really freaks me out, man. Notice what is around both of their dicks.

• 1:40:17Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of blood?

• 1:40:19Duncan Trussell?

  Sorry about that.

• 1:40:20Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, a string?

• 1:40:21Duncan Trussell?

  No. They have rings around their dicks. Glowing, if I had my paints here, if I had my oils, I would have painted this. They have glowing rings of light around their dicks. Now, this is Lily. Now... Lana's, as you could see, the tip of this penis is shaped like a pentagram.

• 1:40:46Kurt Metzger?

  Right.

• 1:40:46Duncan Trussell?

  One, two, three, four, five rings and some kind of amorphous blob. And I don't know if that's a testi- testicles.

• 1:40:53Kurt Metzger?

  Could be hemorrhoid. They're getting older.

• 1:40:55Duncan Trussell?

  Could've been a hemorrhoid. But yeah, that's what I got, you know? I don't, I only, I just draw what I see, folks. So don't come at me.

• 1:41:02Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, it's more useful than Buster, I'll tell you that.

• 1:41:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, no shit.

• 1:41:06Kurt Metzger?

  Buster did not help. He made us put on disgusting.

• 1:41:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Off the show.

• 1:41:13Kurt Metzger?

  That is a hor- a horrible album.

• 1:41:15Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God, his albums suck so bad. Buster's goon tunes.

• 1:41:19Kurt Metzger?

  And why have the animals with him?

• 1:41:21Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly. Exactly. Don't do that. It's just so fucked up.

• 1:41:27Kurt Metzger?

  Was that even lipstick or was he remote penis viewing?

• 1:41:30Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know. It could be blood. Could, who says it's his blood?

• 1:41:37Kurt Metzger?

  Lily is my height, or just a little bit shorter than me.

• 1:41:42Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 1:41:42Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, how tall are you?

• 1:41:43Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:41:44Kurt Metzger?

  How tall are you?

• 1:41:45Duncan Trussell?

  Five one.

• 1:41:45Kurt Metzger?

  No, you're not five one.

• 1:41:48Duncan Trussell?

  It's funny just to say that because on the internet, people believe.

• 1:41:50Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's legally a gnome. I know you're not.

• 1:41:53Duncan Trussell?

  I'm five one.

• 1:41:54Kurt Metzger?

  You're not five eleven.

• 1:41:55Duncan Trussell?

  I wear lifts.

• 1:41:56Kurt Metzger?

  No shit.

• 1:42:01Kurt Metzger?

  He was saying we have the same height ratios as the Wachowski sisters, maybe not.

• 1:42:04Duncan Trussell?

  That's wild.

• 1:42:06Kurt Metzger?

  That's like the size of Buster being five one.

• 1:42:11Kurt Metzger?

  No, Duncan Russell's not a legal midget. Oh, you asked if he was legally a midget?

• 1:42:15Duncan Trussell?

  I'm an illegal, I'm an illegal midget.

• 1:42:20Duncan Trussell?

  An outlaw of size.

• 1:42:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:23Duncan Trussell?

  No, I, I'm five one.

• 1:42:30Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:42:31Kurt Metzger?

  Um.

• 1:42:32Duncan Trussell?

  I wear lifts.

• 1:42:33Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that mystery solved. Uh.

• 1:42:40Duncan Trussell?

  You know how long it took to learn to walk in lifts the size I have to wear?

• 1:42:45Kurt Metzger?

  It was like a circus performer.

• 1:42:47Duncan Trussell?

  It's hard. It's still, it's basically.

• 1:42:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, basically, yeah.

• 1:42:51Duncan Trussell?

  Whatever. I'm not ashamed of my height. It's how God wanted me to be.

• 1:42:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yup. Hey, that we are all as God made us.

• 1:42:57Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 1:42:58Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, so, and that's the final track on Captain and the Drifter.

• 1:43:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. We are all how God made us.

• 1:43:08Kurt Metzger?

  Ew. Oh.

• 1:43:10Duncan Trussell?

  What's weird about that?

• 1:43:13Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know. I got a little bit.

• 1:43:14Duncan Trussell?

  I love seeing my, my brothers and sisters of, of small stature with a tall lady.

• 1:43:19Kurt Metzger?

  Looks like he's her tampon.

• 1:43:22Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's beautiful. Love knows no size.

• 1:43:26Kurt Metzger?

  When you are a foot taller than your short king. I bet you that piece of shit Buster's always talking about being a short king.

• 1:43:32Duncan Trussell?

  I think that's on Goon Tunes.

• 1:43:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I'm a short king. Well, I hate him.

• 1:43:38Duncan Trussell?

  All hail the short king.

• 1:43:44Duncan Trussell?

  Well, is that it? Can we, is there any other?

• 1:43:47Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Duncan is, I don't, we, he was getting a transfusion.

• 1:43:51Duncan Trussell?

  I don't need a transfusion, man. It's a little nosebleed. No big deal.

• 1:43:54Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, he's got blood all over his dick book.

• 1:43:57Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it's okay. Look, and again, if, uh, subscribe to our Patreon, which doesn't exist yet, for a chance to win Lily or Lana's penis.

• 1:44:08Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that. Look at Farva and, uh, Bill McCrone before he was Brigitte McCrone.

• 1:44:16Duncan Trussell?

  It's wild.

• 1:44:17Kurt Metzger?

  It's a crazy world.

• 1:44:17Duncan Trussell?

  I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have expected it. Wouldn't have expected it.

• 1:44:22Duncan Trussell?

  Interesting.

• 1:44:26Kurt Metzger?

  All right, well, we can go out on that beautiful song, right?

• 1:44:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 1:44:36Speaker 06

  Goodbye, Norma Jean. Though I never knew you at all. You had the grace to hold yourself while those around you crawled.

• 1:44:51Speaker 06

  They crawled out of the woodwork

• 1:44:55Speaker 06

  and they whispered in your brain. They sat you on the treadmill. And they made you change your name.

• 1:45:07Speaker 06

  And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Never knowing what a climb to when the rain set in. And I would have liked to know you but I was just a kid. Your candle burned out long before the legend ever did.

• 1:45:50Speaker 06

  Loneliness was tough. The toughest road you ever laid. All it would create was a superstar. And pain was the price you paid.

• 1:46:05Speaker 06

  Even when you died,

• 1:46:09Speaker 06

  all the press still hounded you. All the papers had to say was that Marilyn was found in the nude.

• 1:46:21Speaker 06

  And it seems to me you lived your life. Like a candle in the wind, Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in. And I would've liked to have known you, but I was just a kid. The candle burned out long before your legend ever did.

• 1:47:04Speaker 06

  Goodbye, normal machine. Though I never knew you would all have the grace To hold yourself or those around you close.

• 1:47:20Speaker 06

  Goodbye, normal machine. From the young man in the twenty-second row Who sees you as something more than sexual, More than just a male in the room.

• 1:47:35Speaker 06

  And it seems to me you live your life like a candle in the wind, Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in.

• 1:47:52Speaker 06

  And I would've liked to know you, but I was just a kid. The candle burned out long before your legend ever did.

• 1:48:10Speaker 06

  No. Legend never did.