Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb

What do you think is the biggest dating mistake people make? Have you ever chased someone who wasn’t right for you? Today, in this special compilation episode, we explore all things love - how people navigate it, where they go wrong, and how they can cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections. Through a collection of thought-provoking conversations, Jay Shetty and his guests offer insight and practical advice to help listeners build healthier relationships. Each guest shares their unique approach to manifesting genuine love, highlighting the importance of being present in relationships, breaking free from unhealthy patterns, and shifting focus from seeking external validation to building self-worth. Heartbreak is reframed as a powerful opportunity for growth, with the reminder that love is not something to chase, but something to nurture within, allowing the right connections to come naturally. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Know if Someone Is Wasting Your Time How to Do the Work to Prepare for a Relationship How to Get Out of the Cycle of Seeking External Validation How to Reframe Settling as a Positive Choice in Love How to Turn Pain into a Source of Growth and Learning The path to finding love is not easy, but every step matters. By learning from your past, committing to personal growth, and approaching love with an open heart, you create the space for deeper, more fulfilling connections. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty. Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:45 How to Know if Someone is Wasting Your Time 03:29 Is It Real Connection or Just Chemistry? 06:26 Am I Behind in Love? 08:59 Why Is Developing Self Awareness Difficult? 13:19 How to Attract the Right Relationship 15:55 How to Manifest Love 17:56 Have You Found the Right Person? 24:43 Letting Go Might Be an Answer 28:58 How to Love Fully Without Losing Yourself See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Confidence isn't something Mazda finds, it's something they practise. That's the thinking behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features designed to help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with the road ahead. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand and has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus Awards than any other car brand as of July 2026. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Amtrak.

• 0:42Jay Shetty?

  You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car or just sit back and enjoy your favourite podcast. Choose a cellar or North East Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective

• 1:23Jay Shetty?

  and with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct, enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at chase.com/sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, NA Member FDIC. Subject to credit approval, terms apply. These are the nine things you need to know about love. The number one health and wellness podcast.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty.

• 2:04Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, thanks so much for tuning back into On Purpose. I appreciate it so much. Today, we're diving into one of the most important topics in all of our lives: Love. And love isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about understanding ourselves, building meaningful connections, and growing into the best versions of who we are. So in this special compilation episode, I've gathered wisdom from some of the best minds out there to help you navigate love with more clarity, confidence, and purpose. Number one, how do we know if someone is wasting our time? Whether it's a relationship that feels stagnant or a connection that just doesn't seem to be going anywhere,

• 2:48Jay Shetty?

  we need to recognize the signs. To break it down for us, we have Stephan Speaks, relationship coach, speaker, and bestselling author. He's helped millions navigate love with honesty and self-awareness. Let's hear what he has to say.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  So to me, again, I think it always starts with self. And you have to be honest with yourself about why are you still here? Why are you holding on? What's really driving you? Because, just using an example, let's say you're a woman, and the only reason why you're holding on to this guy is because he's a nice guy. You don't feel like starting the process over with somebody else. So even though you're not feeling it with him, you figure, let me try to make it work. You're wasting your time. This is where you're setting yourself up for disaster every single time. So if it's not born out of a true connection, love, a genuine desire, you really like this individual, of course, there's always things we have to work through. But is the foundation strong enough for us to say,

• 3:49Speaker 02

  okay, we can make something special here? And I think, once we are honest with ourselves, that kind of helps answer the question. Because sometimes we get so caught up trying to analyze the other individual that it's like we get in our heads and now we're missing the mark on what's really important here. And we can't always say for sure what's going on with them. I will say that in general, if this person isn't willing to Talk about things, they're wasting your time. If they're not willing to address or correct things that have been talked about, they're wasting your time. If you guys aren't on the same page about what you want and where you wanna go in life, wasting time. So there are some things I think we can just look at and say, listen, this is pointless here. But a lot of times, and I have to say this especially for women,

• 4:34Speaker 02

  women's intuition is extremely powerful. I'm a huge believer in it. And I feel like women know very early, this isn't it. But they rationalize reasons to convince themselves to give this man a chance. And this again is a waste of time because it just doesn't work. I've seen people turn what should have been maybe a couple of weeks of dating into years of being married to someone they were not happy with. All because they did not listen to themselves from the beginning. They knew what it was, but they just could not accept it for what it was.

• 5:06Jay Shetty?

  I mean, I love that. It's such an important reminder. Trust your intuition and be honest with yourself. Sometimes we overanalyze the other person instead of checking in with our own feelings. Now, let's go even deeper. Number two, how do we know if what we're feeling is true connection or just chemistry? Stefan explains the difference.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Are you even being yourself or can you be yourself with this individual? If, if you're presenting your representative, then this is not a real connection. This is them falling for that person that you're presenting, but that's not real. So to me, you have, you should be already being yourself. But with that person you have a connection with, it's a more natural flow. We don't have to force it. We just feel so much more comfortable around them. I think in addition to that is when you, when you find yourself all caught up in the moment and caught up in that chemistry, again, you have to ask yourself, what am I really attaching myself to? What about, what do I really like about this individual? What I find is that when it's really about chemistry, we're still on the surface.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  You don't really know about them yet. You just know you guys had a good time. Maybe you had fun at this event. You guys were able to talk about a lot of different things, which is great, which is gonna also be important if there is a connection. However, Do you even know what kind of relationship they want? Do you know what kind of life they want to live? You know, are you guys really on the same page? I think connection is our paths align, our purposes align. So for us to align, we have to have a deeper understanding of where we're headed. And can we head there together? So that's why I think though you may feel it, or you may feel like you're feeling it, you have to do your due diligence to dig deeper to find out, okay, is this just, I got caught up on the surface?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Or there is something real here? And I think once we ask enough questions, because I think that's the other big problem. We have this experience where we feel this chemistry. We're so excited and now we're afraid to ask questions because we don't want to blow up the fantasy.

• 7:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  You see what I'm saying? We're just like, no, no, I want to keep believing this is great. So let me not ask anything. Let me not run this person away. Let me not rock the boat. But that's going to be what tells us if this is real or not.

• 7:27Jay Shetty?

  I think for so many people, you set unrealistic expectations in who you are.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:31Jay Shetty?

  And that's hard to come back from.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Absolutely. And that's why it's so important for us to know who we are so that we can present the real from the jump. You know, because again, a lot of times people, you know, this idea that we're always changing. Yes, I do think we're always evolving. But some of the big shifts that you see, it's not because that's just the way life is. It's because you didn't take the time to figure yourself out first. And then you got with this person and now you want them to adjust. Now, thank God for you, she was able to adjust. But there's a lot of people that they can't handle that.

• 8:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  And now everything falls apart from there. So that's why, yeah, we have to be very careful with what we're presenting from the beginning.

• 8:10Jay Shetty?

  That's pure gold. Chemistry can feel intense, but it doesn't always mean long-term compatibility. Now, let's shift gears. Number three, maybe you're single and wondering, am I behind? If you've ever felt that way, this next guest is for you. Laurie Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, and a relationship expert who's here to remind us why being single at 28 or any age is not a bad thing.

• 8:42Lori Gottlieb?

  You are exactly where you need to be if you are doing the work. If you're not doing the work, you're going to be behind. And what I mean by doing the work is, If you are not in a place where you want to be with a relationship, you have to understand why. So are you examining what has not worked yet? Why, if I, if I am single and I don't want to be single, what can I be doing differently? And so I think that's the important work. So you're not behind at all. In fact, you're probably ahead of people who are in relationships, who have not done the work and maybe aren't in the right relationship or are in a relationship that's not going to last or isn't going well.

• 9:19Jay Shetty?

  Why is it that we struggle to actually do the work? What does that look like?

• 9:24Lori Gottlieb?

  I think it's so much easier when we talk to our friends. And, you know, I've talked about the difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion before. Idiot compassion is you say to your friend, "Look what happened on this date," or "Look what happened with this person." And they say, "Yeah, you're right, they're wrong." And we never learn or grow from that, right? Because yes, there might be something that the other person did, but also what was your role in that interaction? A relationship is all about relating. So what was your role in the dance that you're doing with this person? And what you get in therapy is you get wise compassion, where we hold up a mirror to you and we help you to see something about, you know, what your role is, maybe something you haven't been willing or able to see, but that's so important.

• 10:07Lori Gottlieb?

  So you don't repeat these situations where you're in this pattern and then you wonder, "Why do I keep ending up with a person who doesn't listen to me or a person where I don't feel seen or where I can't be myself or where we have a lot of volatility or where this person's really avoidant? Why am I always with people who avoid? Or what makes me avoid? And I don't talk to the person about what I want or what I need." So that's the work that's really important. So you're not behind if you're single at 28. It's part of the process. If you're doing the work, you're much closer than you've ever been to finding the person that you want to be with.

• 10:42Jay Shetty?

  I love that perspective. It's not about timelines. It's about doing the work. But why do we resist the work? Number four, why is self-awareness so hard? Laurie's got some powerful insights on how understanding our patterns can help us build better relationships.

• 11:01Lori Gottlieb?

  We have this saying, we marry our unfinished business. We date our unfinished business, too. So if you, let's say, earlier in your life, you were around someone who, you know, was neglectful, somebody who drank too much, somebody who lost their temper, somebody who wasn't honest, somebody who wasn't reliable. We think, when we're dating as adults, like, I want the opposite of that. I want someone where I feel safe, secure, there's trust. But what happens is, unconsciously, again, if we haven't done the work, our unfinished business, we actually, our unconscious is, oh, you look familiar. Come closer. So on the surface, they don't look like that person. But then, when you get to know them, you're a month in, you're three months in, you're six months in,

• 11:43Lori Gottlieb?

  you think, wow, that person reminds me of someone. This person feels so familiar, and that's why I was drawn to this person. It turns out, this person is very much like what I grew up with, is very much like the person who hurt me growing up. So if you do the work, you're able to see, oh, that person, I see why I'm drawn to them, but I'm not drawn to them in a healthy way. And then if you do even more work, you're not even drawn to those people anymore. Now, you're drawn to healthy people, stable people, flexible people, emotionally generous people, people whose values align with yours. That's who you're drawn to. So you have to do the work.

• 12:22Jay Shetty?

  Is there a healthy way of future tripping with the person? Is there a collective collaborative future tripping? Like, what does that look like?

• 12:30Lori Gottlieb?

  I think the future tripping is being in the present. And what I mean is, what's happening now is what is going to look like in the future. So instead of imagining, oh, this person will change in this way, or this, we're going to have this kind of life, but you don't know if the other person wants that kind of life. If you're not talking about it now, in the present, you don't know. How does this person treat me now? What is it like when we're together? The biggest indicator would be, we had a disagreement. How did we get through it? That's what your future is going to look like. We didn't agree on this. We were frustrated with each other. We had a difference of opinion. How did we repair that rupture? We talk a lot about rupture and repair. Everybody's gonna have ruptures. You have it with your family members, with your friends,

• 13:14Lori Gottlieb?

  with your coworkers, with your parents, with your children, especially with your romantic partners, because we have this misguided notion that we shouldn't have a rupture with them because we're so in love and we see each other and we see eye to eye. But of course, you're gonna have ruptures. It's not so much whether you're gonna have a rupture, it's what do you do with it? And what does it look like? So if you have been dating for, let's say, six months and you haven't had a rupture, you guys are not going deep enough. You guys don't know each other well enough. You're still on your best behavior. You have to be able to be yourselves. That's gonna tell you what the future looks like. So stop the pretending. Be yourself. Be what you want your future to look like. Act like you want your future to look like. See how the other person acts and see what happens between the two of you.

• 13:58Lori Gottlieb?

  And a repair would look like something like, "Oh, I didn't..." You know, "We're having a disagreement right now. Why don't we take 15 minutes? And let's come back when we're not so heated and let's talk about that." Or, "You know, you made a mistake. You know what? I've been thinking about this." You know, say you have an argument. You say, "We're not gonna talk for a few minutes. Let's go cool off," whatever. You call them back and you say, "You know what? I thought about it. I was wrong. And I'm so sorry. Here's what I did and I wish I had done it this way." And that's great if your partner can do that or if you can do that, right? And then if your partner then can accept that without shaming you, if your partner can say, "I really appreciate that

• 14:42Lori Gottlieb?

  and I wish that I had reacted differently in this way. And how can I be more supportive in those moments?" That's beautiful. That's your future. But you have to see it in the present. You can't imagine what the future's gonna be. You have to actually live it in the present and say, "Oh, now I know. It's gonna be just like it is right now."

• 15:01Jay Shetty?

  Now, that's a wake-up call. Sometimes, doing the work means facing things we'd rather avoid. But that's the only way to grow. Number five. What if we keep attracting the same type of relationships over and over? Dr. Joe Dispenza, neuroscientist, researcher, and expert on rewiring the brain, explains how we can break free from those cycles and attract relationships that truly align with us.

• 15:30Joe Dispenza?

  Typically, it usually takes a crisis, or a disease, or a diagnosis, or a trauma, or a loss, or betrayal, for a person to really decide, is this really who I want to continue to be? So, my message is, why wait for that, right? So, there's nothing wrong with saying, I want to be in a relationship. I want the following things in a relationship from this person, or what might be my ideal relationship. I think people have an image in their mind of what they like, or what their type is, or whatever. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

• 16:10Joe Dispenza?

  But I think what people are really looking for is connection, and joy. Like, people should be in a relationship. The reason they should be in a relationship is to be overjoyed to be with the person that you're with, right? You want joy in your life. For me, it would make sense, then, if the person got very clear on what they wanted, then they should start on the journey to become that very person. They should really work on being that very person that they want. So, there would have to be some change that they would have to make in order to be worthy enough to create a person that they would attract in their life. And we cannot attract anything in our life that we feel separate from.

• 16:54Joe Dispenza?

  Trusting in a future that you can't see or experience, you have to lay down the very thing you used your whole life to get what you want, to trust that something greater could happen. And that's not something that's very easy. So, I like the idea that it wouldn't happen on a date that was from an app. It could happen in a bank. It could happen at a seminar. It could happen in the grocery store. You know, in a way that you least expect, right? And I think that when we get to a point where we're so happy with ourselves, we're no longer looking, because we feel like we already have it. I think- That's the state where people attract an equal.

• 17:39Jay Shetty?

  Become the person you want to attract. When we focus on our own growth, the right relationships naturally follow. Number six, what about manifesting love? How do we stop chasing and start aligning? Joe shares why joy and presence are the key to attracting the right partner.

• 17:58Joe Dispenza?

  We're conditioned in a way to like, okay, I need something out there. I need the experience to prove I need the event to occur. And the end product of that event or experience is called an emotion. The emotion takes away the lack or separation from not having it. So we're waiting for the event to occur to take away the feeling of separation or lack. And actually, that's not, that's not the healthiest way to create. And actually, we should feel the emotion of the experience before it happens. So that if you're feeling the emotion of that future before it happens, truly feeling it, you wouldn't be looking for it. You would only be looking for it when you felt separate from it, right? So can you maintain that state?

• 18:43Joe Dispenza?

  Because the only way you're going to believe in that future is you have to feel the emotion associated with it.

• 18:50Jay Shetty?

  So good.

• 18:51Joe Dispenza?

  The moment you feel the lack and the separation, you're going to believe in the past. And there's a story that goes along with the past that has everything to do with it. Dating is hard or finding a person or whatever that is. The story that we tell ourselves, that we actually accept, believe and surrender to as if it's the truth, right? So that's exactly what programs the subconscious mind into a belief, right? So the default is so seamless to lose that vision or that belief in the future. The moment we start feeling the emotions of lack or survival in the past, right? That's the moment we can't see that future any longer.

• 19:33Joe Dispenza?

  Because we would be looking at that future through the lens of the past and we would doubt that that future could actually exist.

• 19:40Jay Shetty?

  That really resonated with me. The idea that we're not searching, we're aligning. It's a whole new way to look at. This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one hour workout to build strength, burn fat and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com/onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage in studio for details.

• 20:20Speaker 05

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• 20:51Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 21:34Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Love. Number seven. Once we find someone, we often overthink it. Is this the one? Is there someone better out there? That's where Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and New York Times bestselling author comes in. He's been coaching people for years on how to make love work without the mind games.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  Sometimes we're wanting something else because there's, you know, the, the person that's in front of us isn't compelling enough. There really is something lacking in that relationship.

• 22:14Speaker 06

  But I do think we have to ask ourselves, what are the things I really must have for an amazing relationship? I'm not a, you know, there's the one out there kind of a person. I've never been that way. If you look, anyone looks back through my videos, and you know this because we've spoken about it, back when I was single, you know, I've never been a person who believes in the idea of the one. So I think that it's finding someone that we've, you know, we look at what's really important to us, not what's important on an egoic level. Because I think a lot of the things that make us question whether this person is right for us are ego based.

• 22:56Speaker 06

  I don't think they're based on how we feel around this person. We worry, is this the kind of person my friends think that I should be with? Do they look the part? Are they my normal type?

• 23:09Jay Shetty?

  Do they make the right amount of money?

• 23:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, has this person come in the package that I had always told myself they would come in? And those things can be really, really limiting. And they can have us like constantly trying to optimize for some version of something that we think we're supposed to be with, which is a very dangerous way to go about finding love. You can't optimize for human beings. You can optimize for a lot in life, but you're dealing with people. By the way, even if you let go of this person, you're going to find someone else who's also imperfect. And they might, okay, this person is, you know, scores a seven in this area and they score a nine. But guess what? They score a three in this other area

• 23:56Speaker 06

  that you didn't even know was great in this relationship because you took for granted how amazing that person was in that way. It's it's very dangerous to optimize in that way in our love life. And I I've come to really believe in life that if you find a connection that has all the right raw materials and you both have the same level of commitment, then you can build something extraordinary together. And actually, the extraordinary is the thing you sculpt together. It's no different from a career. When we think of what's our like, what are we worried about in our love life? For so many of us, it's that we're gonna settle.

• 24:37Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 24:37Speaker 06

  I'm gonna settle for the wrong person. Well, I think we can actually start to reclaim the language of settling and make it into a very positive thing that what if it wasn't settling for? What if you decided to settle on? Because when you settle on someone, there's a power to that. It's like you resolve to say, I'm gonna settle on this. I have to argue that the benefit I have gotten from the pain that I didn't choose has been no less valuable than the benefit I've gotten from the pain I did choose. In fact, actually, I think the most valuable pain I've ever had is the pain I didn't choose.

• 25:18Speaker 06

  And when you realize that, you can kind of almost, I think, look at some of the worst moments of your life as like a menu of pain. And beside the item on the menu is the very specific, unique benefits that can only come from this kind of pain. And you can kind of imagine yourself choosing, like retroactively choosing that pain, which is a very valuable thing to do because there's, I was told by a psychologist about an experiment on rats where one rat was on a wheel and was just given, you know, like the free rein to just run whenever it wanted to run.

• 26:02Speaker 06

  There was another rat, this was rat A. Rat B was connected to that wheel. He was on another wheel that was connected to rat A's wheel. And anytime rat A chose to run, rat B had to run. Right? So both doing the same amount of exercising. But at the end of the experiment, rat A shows all the positive markers of exercise and rat B shows all the negative markers of stress.

• 26:31Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  Same amount of exercise was the difference. Well, Rat A chose to run. Rat B didn't. Anyone who doesn't choose you cannot be for you. They, if they don't see you, like, what is a relationship? It's someone sees you, they accept you, and they want that. That's, that's the most beautiful part of a relationship. So if someone doesn't see you and accept you and want what they see, then this relationship is missing the most beautiful part of any relationship. It shouldn't even be, you know, it shouldn't be desirable at that stage because it's not, it has failed the fundamental test of what makes a relationship worth having. We're not talking about a person who, you know,

• 27:19Speaker 06

  in, in at least the case, I feel we're talking about the person who was taken from us by life. We're talking about a person who's just walking around somewhere, still existing on the planet, but choosing not to be with us. That should lose its romance to us. It, you know, and, and to say, well, if, that's the other game we play is, if it was a different time in life, if they were a bit older, they would have been ready to commit. If they had been in a different phase where they weren't so busy with their work, they might have had the space to really give to this relationship, but they said their work isn't allowing them to. If, it's like, we go through all these scenarios where it, it forces us into this sad love song

• 28:03Speaker 06

  of right person, wrong time. And that's a really, like, pernicious story. That's a very dangerous story because it, it takes what belongs in the realm of science fiction and brings it into our reality.

• 28:23Jay Shetty?

  That's such a fresh take. Stop looking for perfect. Stop building something real. Number eight, sometimes love isn't about holding on. It's about letting go. And no one explains that better than James Corden, comedian, talk show host, and actor. He shares a powerful analogy about love and letting go that I know will stick with you as it has with me. Most of us are conditioned to believe when you find something good, Hold on to it forever. Make sure it lasts forever because you never know.

• 28:55Speaker 07

  Well, then you're a kid with a balloon.

• 28:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 07

  Right? And you go and hold, I'm never, I'm never ever gonna let this balloon go.

• 29:03Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 29:03Speaker 07

  Right? And ignoring for this for a second, the environmental impact of letting a balloon go. Let's talk about it just metaphorically, you know, that you go, I'm, this is my balloon. I'm gonna hold this balloon, never, ever, ever, ever, ever gonna let go of this balloon. In fact, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna tie it to my wrist. So it can't disappear because that happened to me once before. And it, you know what I mean? I'm gonna just, you know, that's it. And then slowly that balloon will just wilt and it will run out of the thing that made it great. And it will just then be, then it's tied to your wrist and you're dragging it behind you. Right? And actually, there's something quite beautiful. And again, environmentally, I'm not encouraging this.

• 29:48Speaker 07

  We didn't know about this when we were kids. When you let go of a balloon, it's magical. Magical. Look, and then you see it and you're like, oh my God, I used to have that. I used to hold on to that and look at it now. Look. It's just flying. That's amazing. And then you go, well, now I haven't got a balloon. And then you go, well, maybe I'll get another one.

• 30:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 07

  Maybe there'll be another balloon and maybe it'll be a different shape or it'll be shinier or whatever it is like. You've got to be able to let go of stuff, to make new things. Come in, you've got to have the space and the time. To encounter something new. A friend of mine, a year ago, maybe less.

• 30:39Speaker 07

  Had his heart broken in, in, in the most brutal circumstances. It was his first love, first girlfriend. And they broke up and he was just not in a good way. And this was his first real, proper, serious girlfriend, certainly the first time he'd been in love before. I just found myself saying to him, I was like, this is great.

• 31:13Speaker 07

  This is great because you really only understand what love is once your heart's been broken. You understand how tender it is. And I was like, and you understand it now. And what's, you're looking at this all wrong. You, you get to do it again. You get to do this again. You're gonna meet someone else and feel all these feelings. And perhaps you'll go into that relationship, learning what you've learned from this relationship. And that will then feed that relationship in a different way. And like, and he's just met someone, right?

• 31:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 31:56Speaker 07

  And he's like, oh my God, this is amazing. And I'm like, yeah.

• 32:00Jay Shetty?

  Got that balloon again.

• 32:01Speaker 07

  Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's it. And so, again, I think it's expectation. It's the thing that, that, that makes us hold on to stuff.

• 32:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 07

  If you can just ebb and flow with stuff, you're gonna find it so much easier to take the good, the bad, and the everything in between is just all being good for you.

• 32:21Jay Shetty?

  This next conversation is really close to my heart because it's with someone who knows me better than anyone. My wife, Radhi. She's not just my life partner. She's an incredible nutritionist, chef, and advocate for conscious living. Over the years, we've learned so much about love together. What it means to grow as individuals while staying deeply connected as a couple. Number nine. How to love fully without losing yourself in the process. Radhi shares her wisdom on maintaining a strong sense of self while being in a loving, supportive relationship.

• 32:56Speaker 08

  People think that time is the investment. Like, the amount of time you spend with someone is what the investment is. This person is willing to spend two hours with me, but this person's willing to spend 15 minutes with me. That must mean the two-hour person values me more, loves me more, cares for me more. But what is the quality of those two hours? What is the quality of those 15 minutes makes such a difference? And I think, you know, I've just been so used to that concept that that's what I always, you know, related to this friend or this relationship. This person wants to spend the most amount of time with me. That must mean, you know, that person loves me more. And so I think that's something I've really changed because you can feel so much more fueled

• 33:37Speaker 08

  from a fifteen minute interaction with someone and loved with presence than you can with, you know, two hours of someone's distracted time. And I'm, that's something I'm still working on as a person of being someone who's present. I think it's something I've really, you know, I've been up and down with it. There are different times where my mind can just, you know, go everywhere and do everything and not even be in the same room as everybody else that I'm in the room with. But I think it's something that I, I know it's some, it's, it's, I wanna be working on and something I wanna be improving on.

• 34:09Jay Shetty?

  I think a lot of people love people being dependent on them.

• 34:12Speaker 08

  Definitely.

• 34:13Jay Shetty?

  Because it gives them a sense of significance.

• 34:15Speaker 08

  Definitely, especially if you don't know what you're doing in your life, or if you feel like you're a bit lost, helping other people. And although that's a great thing when you help other people, but the intention behind it and what you're receiving from it can make a huge difference in how you actually feel about it. So like, if you're helping someone through intention of genuinely caring for them, genuinely helping them, or are you helping them because it fuels you into feeling valuable and therefore like, for me, I remember it used to be just a way that I would throw myself into. So I didn't have to think about what I was doing in my life or how to figure out my own things. It was just, oh, this is great. I, I need to be doing this. This person needs my help. I need to like, create this space for myself in their life

• 34:59Speaker 08

  because then I don't have to think about all the important stuff I actually need to deal with. So it was the easier option and, and more of a selfish option. But I think that's a, a value that I have changed.

• 35:08Jay Shetty?

  I really hope that you got lots of value from that. That's why we're doing these compilations. I want to make things simple, seamless and practical for you. Love isn't just about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. And through all these incredible conversations, one thing is clear. Self-awareness, growth and intention are at the heart of real love. I really hope this episode gave you clarity, perspective and inspiration to approach love with more purpose. If something resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and pass this on to someone else. I'll see you next time on On Purpose. Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's

• 35:49Jay Shetty?

  leading therapist Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.

• 36:05Lori Gottlieb?

  If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely.